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3,514 | How to Bathe a Tortoise | 1. Soaking
1-1. Fill a shallow container with water.
The container should be small enough on the sides that your tortoise should be able to climb out of it. Add lukewarm water to it. Make sure the tortoise's head pokes above the water when he's in it, but it should be about chin deep.
You can also place one end of the tub on a book to create a slight angle, making a shallow end and a deep end. Place the tortoise's head at the shallow end.
1-2. Let the tortoise soak.
The tortoise will spend time in the water, using it to rehydrate his body. Tortoises use water to rehydrate their bodies. They absorb it through a vent in the tail know as the cloaca.
1-3. Wait for the tortoise to rehydrate.
The tortoise needs to soak for at least 20 minutes, but he will generally let you know when he's done by trying to climb out.
1-4. Take the water out.
Once the tortoise has soaked, you can take the water out. Discard the water in the toilet to avoid spreading any germs.
You can also take the tortoise from his cage to put him in a basin and simply take him out when he's done.
1-5. Dry the tortoise off.
Make sure the tortoise is dry when he goes back to his cage. Use a towel to gently sponge him off. Start with the shell, gently rubbing the water off. Also, pat off the head, arms, and legs, being sure to get in all the cracks.
1-6. Give the bath at least once a week.
How much water you need to provide depends on the type of tortoise, the time of year, and whether he's inside or outside. Inside, you may need to do it as often as once a week, especially if the humidity is low. Outside in the heat, the tortoise will need it twice a week, and you can let the water dry up in between.
It's especially important to provide a bath when the tortoise is coming out of hibernation, as the tortoise will need to rehydrate.
When the tortoise is hibernating and inside, you may only need to provide water about once a month.
2. Scrubbing
2-1. Let the tortoise soak first.
Allow the tortoise time to fill up its water reserves before you try to scrub it. Give it a 20-minute soak in clean water.
Tortoises need soaking more often than they need baths. You shouldn't need to actually scrub your tortoise very often.
2-2. Scrub the tortoise gently.
Next, use an old, clean toothbrush to scrub the tortoise all over. Start with the shell, being sure to get in all the cracks. Move on to the legs, arms, and head. Be sure not to scrub too hard, especially on the places without scales.
2-3. Wash away the dirt.
Use the water to wash off the dirt you've scrubbed clean. Gently pour it over the tortoise to get the grime off.
While you're washing, make sure to look for any injuries, nicks, or an unhealthy shell. If you notice any abnormalities, it may be time to take your pet to the vet for a check up.
2-4. Dry the tortoise off.
Use a towel to pat the tortoise dry. You don't want him to be wet when he goes back to his enclosure.
2-5. Don't use soap.
Soaps, detergents, and shell cleaners are not good for tortoises. In fact, they can be harmful, even killing your pet. Stick with plain water to clean your tortoise.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:14",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Soaking\\n1-1. Fill a shallow container with water.\\nThe container should be small enough on the sides that your tortoise should be able to climb out of it. Add lukewarm water to it. Make sure the tortoise's head pokes above the water when he's in it, but it should be about chin deep.\\nYou can also place one end of the tub on a book to create a slight angle, making a shallow end and a deep end. Place the tortoise's head at the shallow end.\\n1-2. Let the tortoise soak.\\nThe tortoise will spend time in the water, using it to rehydrate his body. Tortoises use water to rehydrate their bodies. They absorb it through a vent in the tail know as the cloaca.\\n1-3. Wait for the tortoise to rehydrate.\\nThe tortoise needs to soak for at least 20 minutes, but he will generally let you know when he's done by trying to climb out.\\n1-4. Take the water out.\\nOnce the tortoise has soaked, you can take the water out. Discard the water in the toilet to avoid spreading any germs.\\nYou can also take the tortoise from his cage to put him in a basin and simply take him out when he's done.\\n1-5. Dry the tortoise off.\\nMake sure the tortoise is dry when he goes back to his cage. Use a towel to gently sponge him off. Start with the shell, gently rubbing the water off. Also, pat off the head, arms, and legs, being sure to get in all the cracks.\\n1-6. Give the bath at least once a week.\\nHow much water you need to provide depends on the type of tortoise, the time of year, and whether he's inside or outside. Inside, you may need to do it as often as once a week, especially if the humidity is low. Outside in the heat, the tortoise will need it twice a week, and you can let the water dry up in between.\\nIt's especially important to provide a bath when the tortoise is coming out of hibernation, as the tortoise will need to rehydrate.\\nWhen the tortoise is hibernating and inside, you may only need to provide water about once a month.\\n2. Scrubbing\\n2-1. Let the tortoise soak first.\\nAllow the tortoise time to fill up its water reserves before you try to scrub it. Give it a 20-minute soak in clean water.\\nTortoises need soaking more often than they need baths. You shouldn't need to actually scrub your tortoise very often.\\n2-2. Scrub the tortoise gently.\\nNext, use an old, clean toothbrush to scrub the tortoise all over. Start with the shell, being sure to get in all the cracks. Move on to the legs, arms, and head. Be sure not to scrub too hard, especially on the places without scales.\\n2-3. Wash away the dirt.\\nUse the water to wash off the dirt you've scrubbed clean. Gently pour it over the tortoise to get the grime off.\\nWhile you're washing, make sure to look for any injuries, nicks, or an unhealthy shell. If you notice any abnormalities, it may be time to take your pet to the vet for a check up.\\n2-4. Dry the tortoise off.\\nUse a towel to pat the tortoise dry. You don't want him to be wet when he goes back to his enclosure.\\n2-5. Don't use soap.\\nSoaps, detergents, and shell cleaners are not good for tortoises. In fact, they can be harmful, even killing your pet. Stick with plain water to clean your tortoise.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Tortoises need soaking more often than they need full-on baths. In fact, tortoises rehydrate themselves through a soaking, so it's good to provide water for one at least once a week. Nonetheless, you can also scrub your tortoise if he's particularly dirty.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Soaking\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Fill a shallow container with water.\", \"描述\": \"The container should be small enough on the sides that your tortoise should be able to climb out of it. Add lukewarm water to it. Make sure the tortoise's head pokes above the water when he's in it, but it should be about chin deep.\\nYou can also place one end of the tub on a book to create a slight angle, making a shallow end and a deep end. Place the tortoise's head at the shallow end.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Let the tortoise soak.\", \"描述\": \"The tortoise will spend time in the water, using it to rehydrate his body. Tortoises use water to rehydrate their bodies. They absorb it through a vent in the tail know as the cloaca.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Wait for the tortoise to rehydrate.\", \"描述\": \"The tortoise needs to soak for at least 20 minutes, but he will generally let you know when he's done by trying to climb out.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Take the water out.\", \"描述\": \"Once the tortoise has soaked, you can take the water out. Discard the water in the toilet to avoid spreading any germs.\\nYou can also take the tortoise from his cage to put him in a basin and simply take him out when he's done.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Dry the tortoise off.\", \"描述\": \"Make sure the tortoise is dry when he goes back to his cage. Use a towel to gently sponge him off. Start with the shell, gently rubbing the water off. Also, pat off the head, arms, and legs, being sure to get in all the cracks.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Give the bath at least once a week.\", \"描述\": \"How much water you need to provide depends on the type of tortoise, the time of year, and whether he's inside or outside. Inside, you may need to do it as often as once a week, especially if the humidity is low. Outside in the heat, the tortoise will need it twice a week, and you can let the water dry up in between.\\nIt's especially important to provide a bath when the tortoise is coming out of hibernation, as the tortoise will need to rehydrate.\\nWhen the tortoise is hibernating and inside, you may only need to provide water about once a month.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Scrubbing\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Let the tortoise soak first.\", \"描述\": \"Allow the tortoise time to fill up its water reserves before you try to scrub it. Give it a 20-minute soak in clean water.\\nTortoises need soaking more often than they need baths. You shouldn't need to actually scrub your tortoise very often.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Scrub the tortoise gently.\", \"描述\": \"Next, use an old, clean toothbrush to scrub the tortoise all over. Start with the shell, being sure to get in all the cracks. Move on to the legs, arms, and head. Be sure not to scrub too hard, especially on the places without scales.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Wash away the dirt.\", \"描述\": \"Use the water to wash off the dirt you've scrubbed clean. Gently pour it over the tortoise to get the grime off.\\nWhile you're washing, make sure to look for any injuries, nicks, or an unhealthy shell. If you notice any abnormalities, it may be time to take your pet to the vet for a check up.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Dry the tortoise off.\", \"描述\": \"Use a towel to pat the tortoise dry. You don't want him to be wet when he goes back to his enclosure.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Don't use soap.\", \"描述\": \"Soaps, detergents, and shell cleaners are not good for tortoises. In fact, they can be harmful, even killing your pet. Stick with plain water to clean your tortoise.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,515 | How to Bathe a Turtle | 1. Bathing an Aquatic Turtle
1-1. Bathe your turtle occasionally.
Aquatic turtles spend the majority of their lives in the water and if their tanks are kept clean, rarely need a special bath. However, your turtle might benefit from a cleaning if it starts to develop algae on its shell, or when it is shedding to help remove dead skin cells.
When your turtle is shedding skin, you may notice flaky patches of skin on its neck, tail or legs. This is normal.
If your turtle sheds a lot, however, it might mean a problem with the tank or the turtle's health, and you should consult with your vet.
1-2. Obtain a dedicated turtle-washing tub.
Turtles can harbor salmonella bacteria, which can make humans very ill, so it is important that you not bathe your turtle in the sink or bathtub. Salmonella is very resistant to disinfectants, so the best course of action is to buy or find a special tub for bathing your turtle, and use it only for that purpose.
A plastic bucket or wash tub makes an ideal tortoise bath; just make sure it's large enough to accommodate your turtle.
1-3. Assemble your other supplies.
To bathe your turtle, you just need a tub, a toothbrush, and a jug or pitcher of lukewarm water, preferably de-chlorinated beforehand . You should not use any kind of soap or shampoo on your turtle, unless it was specifically recommended by your vet.
1-4. Fill the tub with water and gently place your turtle in the tub.
The water should be room temperature water that has preferably been dechlorinated. Add at least enough water to reach the turtle's chin, more if you'd like to let it swim around a bit.
1-5. Scrub the turtle's shell.
Use a toothbrush and gently scrub the turtle's entire shell, paying special attention to any areas of buildup. Remember that the turtle can feel his shell, so do not scrub too hard. Then scrub the turtle's legs, tail, and neck, but be careful with these areas as they are more sensitive. Finally, scrub the turtle's plastron (belly), and be sure to remove all algae and dirt between the scutes or scales.
Do not use any kind of soap or polish on your turtle, this could injure it or make it ill!
1-6. Inspect your turtle as you scrub it.
This is the perfect time to check your turtle all over for any sign of injury or disease. If you see anything out of the ordinary, take your turtle to the veterinarian to have it checked out right away. Common signs of turtle illness include swollen eyelids or ears, other swellings on the body, skin abnormalities, and discolored or fuzzy patches on the shell that may indicate shell rot.
1-7. Rinse your turtle and return it to its tank.
Once your turtle is clean, you can rinse your newly shiny pet by pouring de-chlorinated water over it from a jug or pitcher before returning it to its enclosure.
1-8. Dispose of bathwater carefully.
To avoid the risk of salmonella contamination, you should not pour your turtle's bathwater down the sink. Flush it down the toilet, instead, and be sure to wash your hands thoroughly with soap and warm water when you are done.
2. Bathing a Tortoise or Semi-Aquatic Turtle
2-1. Bathe your tortoise often.
Tortoises should be bathed at least 3-4 times per week. Some experts recommend bathing them every day when the weather is warm.
2-2. Obtain a dedicated tortoise-washing tub.
Tortoises can harbor salmonella bacteria, which can make humans very ill, so it is important that you not bathe your turtle in the sink or bathtub. Salmonella is very resistant to disinfectants, so the best course of action is to buy or find a special tub for bathing your turtle, and use it only for that purpose.
A plastic bucket, wash tub, or kitty litter pan makes an ideal tortoise bath; just make sure it's large enough to accommodate your tortoise.
2-3. Assemble your other supplies.
To bathe your tortoise, you just need a tub, a toothbrush, and a jug or pitcher of lukewarm water. You should not use any kind of soap or shampoo on your turtle, unless it was specifically recommended by your vet.
2-4. Place the tortoise in the tub and slowly add the water.
The water should be room temperature. Add the water slowly until it is the depth of the tortoise's chin, or a bit shallower. Don't add more water than this, as most tortoises can't swim and could drown if their head is below water. It can also be helpful to rest the bowl on a book, so that your create a "deep" and a "shallow" end in the water. Place the chelonian with his head at the shallow end. This enables his anus to be below the water line, which is great because they drink through their anus so it's a great way of making sure he is well hydrated.
Adding the water after the tortoise is in the tub ensures that you will not accidentally make the water too deep.
2-5. Let the tortoise soak.
Just let your tortoise be in the water for 10 to 20 minutes. During this time the tortoise will drink water, and rehydrate further by absorbing water through its tail. It will also likely pass waste at this time.
Usually it is sufficient to just let your tortoise soak and skip to the rinsing step, but once a week or so, you should give the tortoise a good scrub.
2-6. Pour out the soiled water, and refill the tub with clean water.
Be sure to lift the tortoise out of the water while you pour the water out, to make sure it doesn't fall.
2-7. Scrub the tortoise's shell.
Use a toothbrush and gently scrub the entire shell, paying special attention to any areas of buildup. Then scrub the tortoise's legs, tail, and neck, but be careful with these areas as they are more sensitive. Finally, scrub the turtle's plastron (belly), and be sure to remove all dirt between the scutes or scales.
2-8. Inspect your tortoise as you scrub it.
This is the perfect time to check your tortoise all over for any sign of injury or disease. If you see anything out of the ordinary, take your turtle to the veterinarian to have it checked out right away. Common signs of illness include swollen eyelids or ears, other swellings on the body, skin abnormalities, and discolored or fuzzy patches on the shell that may indicate shell rot.
2-9. Rinse and dry the tortoise.
Rinse your tortoise thoroughly using lukewarm water from your pitcher. Then place the tortoise on a towel, and wrap it up and over the tortoise to thoroughly blot the tortoise dry. You can then return your shiny, clean tortoise back to its enclosure.
2-10. Dispose of soiled bathwater carefully.
To avoid the risk of salmonella contamination, you should not pour soiled tortoise-water down the sink. Flush it down the toilet, instead, and be sure to wash your hands thoroughly with soap and warm water when you are done.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:14",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Bathing an Aquatic Turtle\\n1-1. Bathe your turtle occasionally.\\nAquatic turtles spend the majority of their lives in the water and if their tanks are kept clean, rarely need a special bath. However, your turtle might benefit from a cleaning if it starts to develop algae on its shell, or when it is shedding to help remove dead skin cells.\\nWhen your turtle is shedding skin, you may notice flaky patches of skin on its neck, tail or legs. This is normal.\\nIf your turtle sheds a lot, however, it might mean a problem with the tank or the turtle's health, and you should consult with your vet.\\n1-2. Obtain a dedicated turtle-washing tub.\\nTurtles can harbor salmonella bacteria, which can make humans very ill, so it is important that you not bathe your turtle in the sink or bathtub. Salmonella is very resistant to disinfectants, so the best course of action is to buy or find a special tub for bathing your turtle, and use it only for that purpose.\\nA plastic bucket or wash tub makes an ideal tortoise bath; just make sure it's large enough to accommodate your turtle.\\n1-3. Assemble your other supplies.\\nTo bathe your turtle, you just need a tub, a toothbrush, and a jug or pitcher of lukewarm water, preferably de-chlorinated beforehand . You should not use any kind of soap or shampoo on your turtle, unless it was specifically recommended by your vet.\\n1-4. Fill the tub with water and gently place your turtle in the tub.\\nThe water should be room temperature water that has preferably been dechlorinated. Add at least enough water to reach the turtle's chin, more if you'd like to let it swim around a bit.\\n1-5. Scrub the turtle's shell.\\nUse a toothbrush and gently scrub the turtle's entire shell, paying special attention to any areas of buildup. Remember that the turtle can feel his shell, so do not scrub too hard. Then scrub the turtle's legs, tail, and neck, but be careful with these areas as they are more sensitive. Finally, scrub the turtle's plastron (belly), and be sure to remove all algae and dirt between the scutes or scales.\\nDo not use any kind of soap or polish on your turtle, this could injure it or make it ill!\\n1-6. Inspect your turtle as you scrub it.\\nThis is the perfect time to check your turtle all over for any sign of injury or disease. If you see anything out of the ordinary, take your turtle to the veterinarian to have it checked out right away. Common signs of turtle illness include swollen eyelids or ears, other swellings on the body, skin abnormalities, and discolored or fuzzy patches on the shell that may indicate shell rot.\\n1-7. Rinse your turtle and return it to its tank.\\nOnce your turtle is clean, you can rinse your newly shiny pet by pouring de-chlorinated water over it from a jug or pitcher before returning it to its enclosure.\\n1-8. Dispose of bathwater carefully.\\nTo avoid the risk of salmonella contamination, you should not pour your turtle's bathwater down the sink. Flush it down the toilet, instead, and be sure to wash your hands thoroughly with soap and warm water when you are done.\\n2. Bathing a Tortoise or Semi-Aquatic Turtle\\n2-1. Bathe your tortoise often.\\nTortoises should be bathed at least 3-4 times per week. Some experts recommend bathing them every day when the weather is warm.\\n2-2. Obtain a dedicated tortoise-washing tub.\\nTortoises can harbor salmonella bacteria, which can make humans very ill, so it is important that you not bathe your turtle in the sink or bathtub. Salmonella is very resistant to disinfectants, so the best course of action is to buy or find a special tub for bathing your turtle, and use it only for that purpose.\\nA plastic bucket, wash tub, or kitty litter pan makes an ideal tortoise bath; just make sure it's large enough to accommodate your tortoise.\\n2-3. Assemble your other supplies.\\nTo bathe your tortoise, you just need a tub, a toothbrush, and a jug or pitcher of lukewarm water. You should not use any kind of soap or shampoo on your turtle, unless it was specifically recommended by your vet.\\n2-4. Place the tortoise in the tub and slowly add the water.\\nThe water should be room temperature. Add the water slowly until it is the depth of the tortoise's chin, or a bit shallower. Don't add more water than this, as most tortoises can't swim and could drown if their head is below water. It can also be helpful to rest the bowl on a book, so that your create a \\\"deep\\\" and a \\\"shallow\\\" end in the water. Place the chelonian with his head at the shallow end. This enables his anus to be below the water line, which is great because they drink through their anus so it's a great way of making sure he is well hydrated.\\nAdding the water after the tortoise is in the tub ensures that you will not accidentally make the water too deep.\\n2-5. Let the tortoise soak.\\nJust let your tortoise be in the water for 10 to 20 minutes. During this time the tortoise will drink water, and rehydrate further by absorbing water through its tail. It will also likely pass waste at this time.\\nUsually it is sufficient to just let your tortoise soak and skip to the rinsing step, but once a week or so, you should give the tortoise a good scrub.\\n2-6. Pour out the soiled water, and refill the tub with clean water.\\nBe sure to lift the tortoise out of the water while you pour the water out, to make sure it doesn't fall.\\n2-7. Scrub the tortoise's shell.\\nUse a toothbrush and gently scrub the entire shell, paying special attention to any areas of buildup. Then scrub the tortoise's legs, tail, and neck, but be careful with these areas as they are more sensitive. Finally, scrub the turtle's plastron (belly), and be sure to remove all dirt between the scutes or scales.\\n2-8. Inspect your tortoise as you scrub it.\\nThis is the perfect time to check your tortoise all over for any sign of injury or disease. If you see anything out of the ordinary, take your turtle to the veterinarian to have it checked out right away. Common signs of illness include swollen eyelids or ears, other swellings on the body, skin abnormalities, and discolored or fuzzy patches on the shell that may indicate shell rot.\\n2-9. Rinse and dry the tortoise.\\nRinse your tortoise thoroughly using lukewarm water from your pitcher. Then place the tortoise on a towel, and wrap it up and over the tortoise to thoroughly blot the tortoise dry. You can then return your shiny, clean tortoise back to its enclosure.\\n2-10. Dispose of soiled bathwater carefully.\\nTo avoid the risk of salmonella contamination, you should not pour soiled tortoise-water down the sink. Flush it down the toilet, instead, and be sure to wash your hands thoroughly with soap and warm water when you are done.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Both aquatic turtles and tortoises can benefit greatly from a regular cleaning. Bathing is important for tortoises because it allows them a chance to rehydrate. It also gives you a chance to clean algal growths and shedding skin off an aquatic turtle. The procedure for bathing these animals is very similar, but a bit more caution is needed when bathing a tortoise. Be sure to wash your hands well after bathing your pet to avoid salmonella contamination.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Bathing an Aquatic Turtle\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Bathe your turtle occasionally.\", \"描述\": \"Aquatic turtles spend the majority of their lives in the water and if their tanks are kept clean, rarely need a special bath. However, your turtle might benefit from a cleaning if it starts to develop algae on its shell, or when it is shedding to help remove dead skin cells.\\nWhen your turtle is shedding skin, you may notice flaky patches of skin on its neck, tail or legs. This is normal.\\nIf your turtle sheds a lot, however, it might mean a problem with the tank or the turtle's health, and you should consult with your vet.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Obtain a dedicated turtle-washing tub.\", \"描述\": \"Turtles can harbor salmonella bacteria, which can make humans very ill, so it is important that you not bathe your turtle in the sink or bathtub. Salmonella is very resistant to disinfectants, so the best course of action is to buy or find a special tub for bathing your turtle, and use it only for that purpose.\\nA plastic bucket or wash tub makes an ideal tortoise bath; just make sure it's large enough to accommodate your turtle.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Assemble your other supplies.\", \"描述\": \"To bathe your turtle, you just need a tub, a toothbrush, and a jug or pitcher of lukewarm water, preferably de-chlorinated beforehand . You should not use any kind of soap or shampoo on your turtle, unless it was specifically recommended by your vet.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Fill the tub with water and gently place your turtle in the tub.\", \"描述\": \"The water should be room temperature water that has preferably been dechlorinated. Add at least enough water to reach the turtle's chin, more if you'd like to let it swim around a bit.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Scrub the turtle's shell.\", \"描述\": \"Use a toothbrush and gently scrub the turtle's entire shell, paying special attention to any areas of buildup. Remember that the turtle can feel his shell, so do not scrub too hard. Then scrub the turtle's legs, tail, and neck, but be careful with these areas as they are more sensitive. Finally, scrub the turtle's plastron (belly), and be sure to remove all algae and dirt between the scutes or scales.\\nDo not use any kind of soap or polish on your turtle, this could injure it or make it ill!\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Inspect your turtle as you scrub it.\", \"描述\": \"This is the perfect time to check your turtle all over for any sign of injury or disease. If you see anything out of the ordinary, take your turtle to the veterinarian to have it checked out right away. Common signs of turtle illness include swollen eyelids or ears, other swellings on the body, skin abnormalities, and discolored or fuzzy patches on the shell that may indicate shell rot.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Rinse your turtle and return it to its tank.\", \"描述\": \"Once your turtle is clean, you can rinse your newly shiny pet by pouring de-chlorinated water over it from a jug or pitcher before returning it to its enclosure.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Dispose of bathwater carefully.\", \"描述\": \"To avoid the risk of salmonella contamination, you should not pour your turtle's bathwater down the sink. Flush it down the toilet, instead, and be sure to wash your hands thoroughly with soap and warm water when you are done.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Bathing a Tortoise or Semi-Aquatic Turtle\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Bathe your tortoise often.\", \"描述\": \"Tortoises should be bathed at least 3-4 times per week. Some experts recommend bathing them every day when the weather is warm.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Obtain a dedicated tortoise-washing tub.\", \"描述\": \"Tortoises can harbor salmonella bacteria, which can make humans very ill, so it is important that you not bathe your turtle in the sink or bathtub. Salmonella is very resistant to disinfectants, so the best course of action is to buy or find a special tub for bathing your turtle, and use it only for that purpose.\\nA plastic bucket, wash tub, or kitty litter pan makes an ideal tortoise bath; just make sure it's large enough to accommodate your tortoise.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Assemble your other supplies.\", \"描述\": \"To bathe your tortoise, you just need a tub, a toothbrush, and a jug or pitcher of lukewarm water. You should not use any kind of soap or shampoo on your turtle, unless it was specifically recommended by your vet.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Place the tortoise in the tub and slowly add the water.\", \"描述\": \"The water should be room temperature. Add the water slowly until it is the depth of the tortoise's chin, or a bit shallower. Don't add more water than this, as most tortoises can't swim and could drown if their head is below water. It can also be helpful to rest the bowl on a book, so that your create a \\\"deep\\\" and a \\\"shallow\\\" end in the water. Place the chelonian with his head at the shallow end. This enables his anus to be below the water line, which is great because they drink through their anus so it's a great way of making sure he is well hydrated.\\nAdding the water after the tortoise is in the tub ensures that you will not accidentally make the water too deep.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Let the tortoise soak.\", \"描述\": \"Just let your tortoise be in the water for 10 to 20 minutes. During this time the tortoise will drink water, and rehydrate further by absorbing water through its tail. It will also likely pass waste at this time.\\nUsually it is sufficient to just let your tortoise soak and skip to the rinsing step, but once a week or so, you should give the tortoise a good scrub.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Pour out the soiled water, and refill the tub with clean water.\", \"描述\": \"Be sure to lift the tortoise out of the water while you pour the water out, to make sure it doesn't fall.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Scrub the tortoise's shell.\", \"描述\": \"Use a toothbrush and gently scrub the entire shell, paying special attention to any areas of buildup. Then scrub the tortoise's legs, tail, and neck, but be careful with these areas as they are more sensitive. Finally, scrub the turtle's plastron (belly), and be sure to remove all dirt between the scutes or scales.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Inspect your tortoise as you scrub it.\", \"描述\": \"This is the perfect time to check your tortoise all over for any sign of injury or disease. If you see anything out of the ordinary, take your turtle to the veterinarian to have it checked out right away. Common signs of illness include swollen eyelids or ears, other swellings on the body, skin abnormalities, and discolored or fuzzy patches on the shell that may indicate shell rot.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Rinse and dry the tortoise.\", \"描述\": \"Rinse your tortoise thoroughly using lukewarm water from your pitcher. Then place the tortoise on a towel, and wrap it up and over the tortoise to thoroughly blot the tortoise dry. You can then return your shiny, clean tortoise back to its enclosure.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Dispose of soiled bathwater carefully.\", \"描述\": \"To avoid the risk of salmonella contamination, you should not pour soiled tortoise-water down the sink. Flush it down the toilet, instead, and be sure to wash your hands thoroughly with soap and warm water when you are done.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,516 | How to Bathe an Angry Cat With Minimal Damage | 1. Preparing for the Bath
1-1. Gather your materials.
When trying to bathe an upset cat, it’s important you have everything ready before beginning. The angry cat will likely be looking for any opportunity to escape the bath, so leaving him alone to go grab a supply you forgot will probably result in a wet, soapy cat running around freely. Before taking your cat to the bath, get your cat shampoo, towels, and a washcloth ready. Have these things handy beside the tub.
Consider placing a rubber bath mat on the floor of the sink or tub you will be bathing the cat in. This can help the cat feel sturdier and keep the cat from slipping and sliding around.
Use only shampoo made specifically for cats. Shampoo designed for humans is far too drying, and won’t be good for the cat. You can buy cat shampoo at your local pet supply store, or even from your vet’s office.
Use a towel that is big and soft. You want it to be big enough to wrap the cat in after its bath. You could even toss the towel in the dryer for a few minutes to warm it up before you start the bath.
Consider wearing a pair of rubber gloves to protect your hands from scratches.
Get a brush and your cat's nail clippers to groom the cat before the bath.
1-2. Trim the cat’s nails and brush out its fur.
Prior to attempting to bathe the cat, make sure its nails are freshly trimmed. This will help prevent unwanted scratches when you do bathe the cat. Also before bathing, give the cat a thorough brushing. This will help remove any tangles in its fur, as well as any excess dirt or debris. You can also use a brushing session as a way to soothe and calm the cat before attempting to bathe it.
If your cat doesn’t tolerate having its nails trimmed, consider having your veterinarian or a professional groomer do this for you.
1-3. Avoid chasing or scaring the cat.
It’s best to try and bathe your cat when its at its most calm. If you startle the cat by grabbing at it or chasing it, you might find it’s even harder to get through the bath itself. A soothing brushing session, lots of petting and speaking softly to the cat will help get the cat feeling more relaxed before you take it for its bath.
You can also try to tire the cat out before the bath by playing with it for a while.
1-4. Ask a friend for help.
When it comes to bathing a difficult cat, it’s always an easier experience when you have an extra set of hands to help you along the way. Ask a friend or family member to lend some help with bathing the cat. It helps if the person you ask is comfortable handling cats—especially angry ones.
It may also help if the cat is familiar with the other person, so that they aren’t stressed out by the presence of a stranger.
2. Giving a Proper Bath
2-1. Use lukewarm water.
In a sink or bathtub, fill the bottom with a few inches of lukewarm water. You don’t want the water to be cold, but you don’t want it to be too hot, either. Lukewarm water will be the most comfortable for the cat, and won’t be too shocking or startling for it when you place the cat in the water.
2-2. Hold the cat by its scruff.
When placing the cat in the tub, hold the cat gently by the scruff on the back of its neck. Ask the friend helping you to gently hold the cat’s back end. If the cat is especially angry, it will be especially important to keep it as still as you possibly can. However, you want to be as gentle as possible so you don’t injure or scare the cat.
Keep the door shut. Wherever you’re bathing the cat, try to keep the cat contained in that space, in the event that the cat does break loose from your grip and jump out of the tub.
2-3. Apply shampoo gently.
After you use a spray nozzle or cup to wet down the cat’s fur, apply the shampoo. While your friend helps you hold the cat in place, gently apply shampoo and massage it into its fur. If your cat has very thick or long fur, you can dilute the shampoo to keep the cat’s fur from getting too sudsy. Try using one part shampoo with five parts water, then apply that diluted version to your cat’s fur.
Avoid getting water or shampoo on your cat’s face, or in its ears. When wetting the cat down, spray or pour water away from its face. Use the damp washcloth you have handy, instead, to gently wipe the cat’s face clean.
2-4. Rinse thoroughly from head to tail.
Again, take care to keep soap and water away from your cat’s face when rinsing out the shampoo. Using your hand, gently push water and shampoo out of the cat’s fur in the direction of hair growth as you rinse. This will help ensure you get all the suds out, and will also help eliminate excess water from the cat’s fur as you rinse.
It’s important you make sure to rinse out all the soap. Leftover residue from soap can irritate your cat’s skin, causing the cat to feel itchy and scratch at himself. It can also be a bit sticky, and make more dirt end up clinging to the cat’s fur even after it’s dry.
2-5. Wrap the cat in a big, dry towel.
Once you’ve thoroughly rinsed out all the shampoo, try to gently remove excess water by running your hand down the cat’s fur in the direction of hair growth. Use your hand like a squeegee to help get rid of extra water. Then, have your friend help you wrap up the cat in the towel you have ready. Wrap him tightly, but not too tight. Make sure he can breathe well, but that he can’t escape. Keep the cat wrapped up to allow its fur to dry as much as possible.
While the cat dries, try to keep it in a room that is warm, without any cold drafts or breezes from fans or open windows.
If you want to try and use a blow dryer on the cat, make sure you keep it on its lowest heat setting. You won’t want to accidentally burn the cat’s sensitive skin.
3. Maintaining Cleanliness Between Baths
3-1. Remember that cats are usually self-cleaning.
For the most part, cats are very good at keeping themselves clean. You should really only need to bathe them if they get especially dirty, or if they have a condition that requires you to bathe them more often. Your vet will advise you if your cat needs to be bathed often.
3-2. Keep the cat brushed.
Brushing your cat regularly is a good way to keep it clean without giving it a bath. Brushing removes knots, mats, and debris from your cat’s fur. It also can improve the health of your cat’s skin overall, by helping to stimulate blood circulation, and getting rid of dead or loose fur and excess grease and oil.
Use a brush designed for cats, and be gentle. If you find a mat or knot that cannot easily be brushed out, carefully trim them out.
Regular brushing to remove dead or excess hair can also help keep your cat from coughing up hairballs from self-grooming.
When brushing, monitor your cat’s skin and hair for signs of excess shedding, fleas, ticks, or skin infections. If you notice any of these things, or anything abnormal, talk to your vet.
3-3. Use a damp washcloth to spot clean when necessary.
Instead of immediately putting your cat in the bathtub if you notice some dirt on its fur, simply use a dampened washcloth to wipe it away. Not only will this prevent the drama that can sometimes come from trying to bathe a cat that doesn’t want to be bathed, it can also help prevent excess skin drying from bathing your cat too often.
Tips
If you’re worried you won’t be able to bathe your cat without getting scratched or bitten, consider seeking out a professional groomer.
Warnings
Do not lift adult cats by the scruff of their neck. It is not safe for adult cats. You could injure them. It's okay to hold the scruff as long as you fully support their weight at the same time.
Always seek the advice of a veterinarian if you ever have any concerns about your cat’s health or well-being.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:15",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Preparing for the Bath\\n1-1. Gather your materials.\\nWhen trying to bathe an upset cat, it’s important you have everything ready before beginning. The angry cat will likely be looking for any opportunity to escape the bath, so leaving him alone to go grab a supply you forgot will probably result in a wet, soapy cat running around freely. Before taking your cat to the bath, get your cat shampoo, towels, and a washcloth ready. Have these things handy beside the tub.\\nConsider placing a rubber bath mat on the floor of the sink or tub you will be bathing the cat in. This can help the cat feel sturdier and keep the cat from slipping and sliding around.\\nUse only shampoo made specifically for cats. Shampoo designed for humans is far too drying, and won’t be good for the cat. You can buy cat shampoo at your local pet supply store, or even from your vet’s office.\\nUse a towel that is big and soft. You want it to be big enough to wrap the cat in after its bath. You could even toss the towel in the dryer for a few minutes to warm it up before you start the bath.\\nConsider wearing a pair of rubber gloves to protect your hands from scratches.\\nGet a brush and your cat's nail clippers to groom the cat before the bath.\\n1-2. Trim the cat’s nails and brush out its fur.\\nPrior to attempting to bathe the cat, make sure its nails are freshly trimmed. This will help prevent unwanted scratches when you do bathe the cat. Also before bathing, give the cat a thorough brushing. This will help remove any tangles in its fur, as well as any excess dirt or debris. You can also use a brushing session as a way to soothe and calm the cat before attempting to bathe it.\\nIf your cat doesn’t tolerate having its nails trimmed, consider having your veterinarian or a professional groomer do this for you.\\n1-3. Avoid chasing or scaring the cat.\\nIt’s best to try and bathe your cat when its at its most calm. If you startle the cat by grabbing at it or chasing it, you might find it’s even harder to get through the bath itself. A soothing brushing session, lots of petting and speaking softly to the cat will help get the cat feeling more relaxed before you take it for its bath.\\nYou can also try to tire the cat out before the bath by playing with it for a while.\\n1-4. Ask a friend for help.\\nWhen it comes to bathing a difficult cat, it’s always an easier experience when you have an extra set of hands to help you along the way. Ask a friend or family member to lend some help with bathing the cat. It helps if the person you ask is comfortable handling cats—especially angry ones.\\nIt may also help if the cat is familiar with the other person, so that they aren’t stressed out by the presence of a stranger.\\n2. Giving a Proper Bath\\n2-1. Use lukewarm water.\\nIn a sink or bathtub, fill the bottom with a few inches of lukewarm water. You don’t want the water to be cold, but you don’t want it to be too hot, either. Lukewarm water will be the most comfortable for the cat, and won’t be too shocking or startling for it when you place the cat in the water.\\n2-2. Hold the cat by its scruff.\\nWhen placing the cat in the tub, hold the cat gently by the scruff on the back of its neck. Ask the friend helping you to gently hold the cat’s back end. If the cat is especially angry, it will be especially important to keep it as still as you possibly can. However, you want to be as gentle as possible so you don’t injure or scare the cat.\\nKeep the door shut. Wherever you’re bathing the cat, try to keep the cat contained in that space, in the event that the cat does break loose from your grip and jump out of the tub.\\n2-3. Apply shampoo gently.\\nAfter you use a spray nozzle or cup to wet down the cat’s fur, apply the shampoo. While your friend helps you hold the cat in place, gently apply shampoo and massage it into its fur. If your cat has very thick or long fur, you can dilute the shampoo to keep the cat’s fur from getting too sudsy. Try using one part shampoo with five parts water, then apply that diluted version to your cat’s fur.\\nAvoid getting water or shampoo on your cat’s face, or in its ears. When wetting the cat down, spray or pour water away from its face. Use the damp washcloth you have handy, instead, to gently wipe the cat’s face clean.\\n2-4. Rinse thoroughly from head to tail.\\nAgain, take care to keep soap and water away from your cat’s face when rinsing out the shampoo. Using your hand, gently push water and shampoo out of the cat’s fur in the direction of hair growth as you rinse. This will help ensure you get all the suds out, and will also help eliminate excess water from the cat’s fur as you rinse.\\nIt’s important you make sure to rinse out all the soap. Leftover residue from soap can irritate your cat’s skin, causing the cat to feel itchy and scratch at himself. It can also be a bit sticky, and make more dirt end up clinging to the cat’s fur even after it’s dry.\\n2-5. Wrap the cat in a big, dry towel.\\nOnce you’ve thoroughly rinsed out all the shampoo, try to gently remove excess water by running your hand down the cat’s fur in the direction of hair growth. Use your hand like a squeegee to help get rid of extra water. Then, have your friend help you wrap up the cat in the towel you have ready. Wrap him tightly, but not too tight. Make sure he can breathe well, but that he can’t escape. Keep the cat wrapped up to allow its fur to dry as much as possible.\\nWhile the cat dries, try to keep it in a room that is warm, without any cold drafts or breezes from fans or open windows.\\nIf you want to try and use a blow dryer on the cat, make sure you keep it on its lowest heat setting. You won’t want to accidentally burn the cat’s sensitive skin.\\n3. Maintaining Cleanliness Between Baths\\n3-1. Remember that cats are usually self-cleaning.\\nFor the most part, cats are very good at keeping themselves clean. You should really only need to bathe them if they get especially dirty, or if they have a condition that requires you to bathe them more often. Your vet will advise you if your cat needs to be bathed often.\\n3-2. Keep the cat brushed.\\nBrushing your cat regularly is a good way to keep it clean without giving it a bath. Brushing removes knots, mats, and debris from your cat’s fur. It also can improve the health of your cat’s skin overall, by helping to stimulate blood circulation, and getting rid of dead or loose fur and excess grease and oil.\\nUse a brush designed for cats, and be gentle. If you find a mat or knot that cannot easily be brushed out, carefully trim them out.\\nRegular brushing to remove dead or excess hair can also help keep your cat from coughing up hairballs from self-grooming.\\nWhen brushing, monitor your cat’s skin and hair for signs of excess shedding, fleas, ticks, or skin infections. If you notice any of these things, or anything abnormal, talk to your vet.\\n3-3. Use a damp washcloth to spot clean when necessary.\\nInstead of immediately putting your cat in the bathtub if you notice some dirt on its fur, simply use a dampened washcloth to wipe it away. Not only will this prevent the drama that can sometimes come from trying to bathe a cat that doesn’t want to be bathed, it can also help prevent excess skin drying from bathing your cat too often.\\nTips\\nIf you’re worried you won’t be able to bathe your cat without getting scratched or bitten, consider seeking out a professional groomer.\\nWarnings\\nDo not lift adult cats by the scruff of their neck. It is not safe for adult cats. You could injure them. It's okay to hold the scruff as long as you fully support their weight at the same time.\\nAlways seek the advice of a veterinarian if you ever have any concerns about your cat’s health or well-being.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Although there are some cats that actually enjoy baths, there are plenty that hate being bathed. Bathing a cat that hates water can often result in scratches or bites, and a very stressed out and upset cat. To keep bathtime as stress-free as possible, it’s important to prepare ahead of time, and have an extra set of hands to help you out.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Preparing for the Bath\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Gather your materials.\", \"描述\": \"When trying to bathe an upset cat, it’s important you have everything ready before beginning. The angry cat will likely be looking for any opportunity to escape the bath, so leaving him alone to go grab a supply you forgot will probably result in a wet, soapy cat running around freely. Before taking your cat to the bath, get your cat shampoo, towels, and a washcloth ready. Have these things handy beside the tub.\\nConsider placing a rubber bath mat on the floor of the sink or tub you will be bathing the cat in. This can help the cat feel sturdier and keep the cat from slipping and sliding around.\\nUse only shampoo made specifically for cats. Shampoo designed for humans is far too drying, and won’t be good for the cat. You can buy cat shampoo at your local pet supply store, or even from your vet’s office.\\nUse a towel that is big and soft. You want it to be big enough to wrap the cat in after its bath. You could even toss the towel in the dryer for a few minutes to warm it up before you start the bath.\\nConsider wearing a pair of rubber gloves to protect your hands from scratches.\\nGet a brush and your cat's nail clippers to groom the cat before the bath.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Trim the cat’s nails and brush out its fur.\", \"描述\": \"Prior to attempting to bathe the cat, make sure its nails are freshly trimmed. This will help prevent unwanted scratches when you do bathe the cat. Also before bathing, give the cat a thorough brushing. This will help remove any tangles in its fur, as well as any excess dirt or debris. You can also use a brushing session as a way to soothe and calm the cat before attempting to bathe it.\\nIf your cat doesn’t tolerate having its nails trimmed, consider having your veterinarian or a professional groomer do this for you.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Avoid chasing or scaring the cat.\", \"描述\": \"It’s best to try and bathe your cat when its at its most calm. If you startle the cat by grabbing at it or chasing it, you might find it’s even harder to get through the bath itself. A soothing brushing session, lots of petting and speaking softly to the cat will help get the cat feeling more relaxed before you take it for its bath.\\nYou can also try to tire the cat out before the bath by playing with it for a while.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Ask a friend for help.\", \"描述\": \"When it comes to bathing a difficult cat, it’s always an easier experience when you have an extra set of hands to help you along the way. Ask a friend or family member to lend some help with bathing the cat. It helps if the person you ask is comfortable handling cats—especially angry ones.\\nIt may also help if the cat is familiar with the other person, so that they aren’t stressed out by the presence of a stranger.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Giving a Proper Bath\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Use lukewarm water.\", \"描述\": \"In a sink or bathtub, fill the bottom with a few inches of lukewarm water. You don’t want the water to be cold, but you don’t want it to be too hot, either. Lukewarm water will be the most comfortable for the cat, and won’t be too shocking or startling for it when you place the cat in the water.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Hold the cat by its scruff.\", \"描述\": \"When placing the cat in the tub, hold the cat gently by the scruff on the back of its neck. Ask the friend helping you to gently hold the cat’s back end. If the cat is especially angry, it will be especially important to keep it as still as you possibly can. However, you want to be as gentle as possible so you don’t injure or scare the cat.\\nKeep the door shut. Wherever you’re bathing the cat, try to keep the cat contained in that space, in the event that the cat does break loose from your grip and jump out of the tub.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Apply shampoo gently.\", \"描述\": \"After you use a spray nozzle or cup to wet down the cat’s fur, apply the shampoo. While your friend helps you hold the cat in place, gently apply shampoo and massage it into its fur. If your cat has very thick or long fur, you can dilute the shampoo to keep the cat’s fur from getting too sudsy. Try using one part shampoo with five parts water, then apply that diluted version to your cat’s fur.\\nAvoid getting water or shampoo on your cat’s face, or in its ears. When wetting the cat down, spray or pour water away from its face. Use the damp washcloth you have handy, instead, to gently wipe the cat’s face clean.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Rinse thoroughly from head to tail.\", \"描述\": \"Again, take care to keep soap and water away from your cat’s face when rinsing out the shampoo. Using your hand, gently push water and shampoo out of the cat’s fur in the direction of hair growth as you rinse. This will help ensure you get all the suds out, and will also help eliminate excess water from the cat’s fur as you rinse.\\nIt’s important you make sure to rinse out all the soap. Leftover residue from soap can irritate your cat’s skin, causing the cat to feel itchy and scratch at himself. It can also be a bit sticky, and make more dirt end up clinging to the cat’s fur even after it’s dry.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Wrap the cat in a big, dry towel.\", \"描述\": \"Once you’ve thoroughly rinsed out all the shampoo, try to gently remove excess water by running your hand down the cat’s fur in the direction of hair growth. Use your hand like a squeegee to help get rid of extra water. Then, have your friend help you wrap up the cat in the towel you have ready. Wrap him tightly, but not too tight. Make sure he can breathe well, but that he can’t escape. Keep the cat wrapped up to allow its fur to dry as much as possible.\\nWhile the cat dries, try to keep it in a room that is warm, without any cold drafts or breezes from fans or open windows.\\nIf you want to try and use a blow dryer on the cat, make sure you keep it on its lowest heat setting. You won’t want to accidentally burn the cat’s sensitive skin.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Maintaining Cleanliness Between Baths\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Remember that cats are usually self-cleaning.\", \"描述\": \"For the most part, cats are very good at keeping themselves clean. You should really only need to bathe them if they get especially dirty, or if they have a condition that requires you to bathe them more often. Your vet will advise you if your cat needs to be bathed often.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Keep the cat brushed.\", \"描述\": \"Brushing your cat regularly is a good way to keep it clean without giving it a bath. Brushing removes knots, mats, and debris from your cat’s fur. It also can improve the health of your cat’s skin overall, by helping to stimulate blood circulation, and getting rid of dead or loose fur and excess grease and oil.\\nUse a brush designed for cats, and be gentle. If you find a mat or knot that cannot easily be brushed out, carefully trim them out.\\nRegular brushing to remove dead or excess hair can also help keep your cat from coughing up hairballs from self-grooming.\\nWhen brushing, monitor your cat’s skin and hair for signs of excess shedding, fleas, ticks, or skin infections. If you notice any of these things, or anything abnormal, talk to your vet.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Use a damp washcloth to spot clean when necessary.\", \"描述\": \"Instead of immediately putting your cat in the bathtub if you notice some dirt on its fur, simply use a dampened washcloth to wipe it away. Not only will this prevent the drama that can sometimes come from trying to bathe a cat that doesn’t want to be bathed, it can also help prevent excess skin drying from bathing your cat too often.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"If you’re worried you won’t be able to bathe your cat without getting scratched or bitten, consider seeking out a professional groomer.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Do not lift adult cats by the scruff of their neck. It is not safe for adult cats. You could injure them. It's okay to hold the scruff as long as you fully support their weight at the same time.\\n\", \"Always seek the advice of a veterinarian if you ever have any concerns about your cat’s health or well-being.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,517 | How to Bathe an Infant | 1. Preparing for Bath Time
1-1. Get everything ready in advance.
Once the baby is in the bath, you won't be able to leave them for even a moment, so it's important to set out everything you need before you begin.
Gather what you need for the bath itself, including the tub, a cup for pouring water, gentle baby soap, two washcloths, and cotton balls for cleaning the baby's eyes and ears.
Optionally, collect a few bath toys for the baby to play with.
Lay out what you'll need after the bath, including a towel, a brush or comb, lotion or oil, a diaper, diaper ointment and a clean set of clothes nearby.
Until the umbilical cord has fallen off, sponge bathes are probably the easiest way to wash the baby because dry cord care is currently recommended--just leaving the stump alone to let it fall by itself. Despite what you have heard, there is no need to use rubbing alcohol to clean baby's umbilical cord area if it is still attached.
1-2. Dress in appropriate clothes.
Wear something you don't mind getting wet and soapy. Roll up long sleeves, and remove jewelry like watches, rings, and bracelets. Make sure your clothes don't have zippers or pins that could scratch the baby's skin. Many caregivers like wearing a terrycloth bathrobe while bathing a baby.
1-3. Set up the tub.
Most baby tubs available are shaped so as to support the infant's neck and head. They usually have a mat or sling that prevents the baby from being completely submerged in water. Place the baby bath in a clean sink, bathtub, or on the floor, depending on the manufacturer's instructions.
If you don't have a baby bath, you may use a clean kitchen sink instead. Just make sure the tap does not touch the baby's head. Tap covers are available for baby-proofing your sink.
Do not use a full-size adult bathtub to bathe a newborn baby. They are too deep, and it's difficult to make sure the baby doesn't slip during the bath.
If your baby bath doesn't have a tread on the bottom to keep the baby from slipping, line it with a washcloth or separate bath mat.
1-4. Fill the tub with a few inches of warm water.
Run the water and test the temperature. You may use your elbow, wrist or a special bath thermometer to make sure the water isn't too hot or cold for the baby. The water should be comfortably warm to the touch, but not as hot as you'd prefer for your own bath or shower.
If the baby still has their umbilical cord attached, simply fill a bowl with water so you can administer a sponge bath instead.
Always test the water before placing the baby in the bath.
When in doubt, err on the cooler side; your hands are rougher than a baby's sensitive skin, so they will feel heat more acutely than you.
Do not fill the tub more than a couple of inches. Babies should never be submerged in water. As your baby gets a little bigger, you can add a bit more water, but never enough to come close to submerging the baby.
2. Bathing Your Baby
2-1. Lay your baby in the tub feet first.
Keep one hand supporting the baby's back, neck and head as you carefully lower them into the tub. Continue supporting the baby throughout the bath with one hand, and use the other hand to wash them.
Babies can be very wriggly and slippery, so be very careful once they become wet.
2-2. Begin washing the baby.
Use a cup, or your cupped hand, to get the baby's body wet. Use a soft washcloth to gently wash the baby's face, body, arms and legs.
Use cotton balls to wipe the baby's eyes and ears.
If you wish, you can use a safe baby soap that is very neutral, but it isn't necessary; a gentle scrub and wash down are adequate to keep babies clean. Don't forget to get between all the little creases and behind the ears and under the neck, where spit-up and moisture tend to collect.
Use a little baby soap on a washcloth to wash the baby's hands and feet.
Clean the baby's genitals last, using a dab of baby soap if you wish. If you have a baby who is circumcised, gently wipe them with the wet washcloth. Wash female babies from front to back to prevent infection.
2-3. Wash the hair.
If it is necessary to wash the baby's hair, lean them back and gently massage water into the hair and scalp. Use the cup to pour clean water over the baby's head. You can use baby shampoo if desired, but there is really no need. Babies are born with all the natural oils needed to keep the scalp healthy, and shampoos can easily spoil this balance.
If you use baby shampoo, use your hand to protect the baby's eyes from being irritated.
Before rinsing, check again to make sure that the temperature of the running water is not too hot.
2-4. Lift the baby from the tub.
Support the baby's head, neck, and back with one arm, and hold their bottom and thigh with the other. Place baby in a towel, being careful to cover their head.
3. After the Bath
3-1. Towel the baby dry.
Dry the baby's body first, making sure to dry gently behind the ears and in the skin folds, so that no excess moisture is left there. Towel-dry the hair as much as possible.
Remember that the fine hair of a baby will dry quickly. Do not use a hairdryer, as it is unnecessary and potentially dangerous.
3-2. Apply ointments if necessary.
Dab a little ointment on the baby's diaper rash or circumcision wound if you've been advised to by a doctor.
It's OK to apply baby creams, lotions, or oils if you'd like, but these are unnecessary.
If the baby still has their umbilical cord attached, use a cotton ball or dry sponge to gentle dry the area. No need to use rubbing alcohol.
3-3. Put a nappy on and dress the baby.
If you're about to put your little one down to rest, choose an outfit that's easy to fit on them, preferably with snaps instead of buttons. You may also choose to swaddle the baby (see How to Swaddle a Baby for more information).
Tips
Babies who still have their umbilical cords should be sponge-bathed until it falls off.
Bath time is more than a utilitarian chore - it's a wonderful opportunity to bond and play. Relax, take your time when possible, and let everyone enjoy the experience. It's a great time to sing to your child. The baby will enjoy a great sensory experience, some attention, splashing, and more.
For a real indulgence, warm the towels in the dryer.
Warnings
Make sure that the room in which you are bathing baby is warm.
Avoid using adult bar soap on a baby; it is too drying.
Be careful with the products you choose to use on the baby. There are lots of products marketed as baby soaps and shampoos, but not all of them with work well if your baby's skin. Watch out for signs of irritation or rashes.
Don't even think about leaving a baby unattended in any amount of water! An adult needs to supervise a baby at all times.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:15",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Preparing for Bath Time\\n1-1. Get everything ready in advance.\\nOnce the baby is in the bath, you won't be able to leave them for even a moment, so it's important to set out everything you need before you begin.\\nGather what you need for the bath itself, including the tub, a cup for pouring water, gentle baby soap, two washcloths, and cotton balls for cleaning the baby's eyes and ears.\\nOptionally, collect a few bath toys for the baby to play with.\\nLay out what you'll need after the bath, including a towel, a brush or comb, lotion or oil, a diaper, diaper ointment and a clean set of clothes nearby.\\nUntil the umbilical cord has fallen off, sponge bathes are probably the easiest way to wash the baby because dry cord care is currently recommended--just leaving the stump alone to let it fall by itself. Despite what you have heard, there is no need to use rubbing alcohol to clean baby's umbilical cord area if it is still attached.\\n1-2. Dress in appropriate clothes.\\nWear something you don't mind getting wet and soapy. Roll up long sleeves, and remove jewelry like watches, rings, and bracelets. Make sure your clothes don't have zippers or pins that could scratch the baby's skin. Many caregivers like wearing a terrycloth bathrobe while bathing a baby.\\n1-3. Set up the tub.\\nMost baby tubs available are shaped so as to support the infant's neck and head. They usually have a mat or sling that prevents the baby from being completely submerged in water. Place the baby bath in a clean sink, bathtub, or on the floor, depending on the manufacturer's instructions.\\nIf you don't have a baby bath, you may use a clean kitchen sink instead. Just make sure the tap does not touch the baby's head. Tap covers are available for baby-proofing your sink.\\nDo not use a full-size adult bathtub to bathe a newborn baby. They are too deep, and it's difficult to make sure the baby doesn't slip during the bath.\\nIf your baby bath doesn't have a tread on the bottom to keep the baby from slipping, line it with a washcloth or separate bath mat.\\n1-4. Fill the tub with a few inches of warm water.\\nRun the water and test the temperature. You may use your elbow, wrist or a special bath thermometer to make sure the water isn't too hot or cold for the baby. The water should be comfortably warm to the touch, but not as hot as you'd prefer for your own bath or shower.\\nIf the baby still has their umbilical cord attached, simply fill a bowl with water so you can administer a sponge bath instead.\\nAlways test the water before placing the baby in the bath.\\nWhen in doubt, err on the cooler side; your hands are rougher than a baby's sensitive skin, so they will feel heat more acutely than you.\\nDo not fill the tub more than a couple of inches. Babies should never be submerged in water. As your baby gets a little bigger, you can add a bit more water, but never enough to come close to submerging the baby.\\n2. Bathing Your Baby\\n2-1. Lay your baby in the tub feet first.\\nKeep one hand supporting the baby's back, neck and head as you carefully lower them into the tub. Continue supporting the baby throughout the bath with one hand, and use the other hand to wash them.\\nBabies can be very wriggly and slippery, so be very careful once they become wet.\\n2-2. Begin washing the baby.\\nUse a cup, or your cupped hand, to get the baby's body wet. Use a soft washcloth to gently wash the baby's face, body, arms and legs.\\nUse cotton balls to wipe the baby's eyes and ears.\\nIf you wish, you can use a safe baby soap that is very neutral, but it isn't necessary; a gentle scrub and wash down are adequate to keep babies clean. Don't forget to get between all the little creases and behind the ears and under the neck, where spit-up and moisture tend to collect.\\nUse a little baby soap on a washcloth to wash the baby's hands and feet.\\nClean the baby's genitals last, using a dab of baby soap if you wish. If you have a baby who is circumcised, gently wipe them with the wet washcloth. Wash female babies from front to back to prevent infection.\\n2-3. Wash the hair.\\nIf it is necessary to wash the baby's hair, lean them back and gently massage water into the hair and scalp. Use the cup to pour clean water over the baby's head. You can use baby shampoo if desired, but there is really no need. Babies are born with all the natural oils needed to keep the scalp healthy, and shampoos can easily spoil this balance.\\nIf you use baby shampoo, use your hand to protect the baby's eyes from being irritated.\\nBefore rinsing, check again to make sure that the temperature of the running water is not too hot.\\n2-4. Lift the baby from the tub.\\nSupport the baby's head, neck, and back with one arm, and hold their bottom and thigh with the other. Place baby in a towel, being careful to cover their head.\\n3. After the Bath\\n3-1. Towel the baby dry.\\nDry the baby's body first, making sure to dry gently behind the ears and in the skin folds, so that no excess moisture is left there. Towel-dry the hair as much as possible.\\nRemember that the fine hair of a baby will dry quickly. Do not use a hairdryer, as it is unnecessary and potentially dangerous.\\n3-2. Apply ointments if necessary.\\nDab a little ointment on the baby's diaper rash or circumcision wound if you've been advised to by a doctor.\\nIt's OK to apply baby creams, lotions, or oils if you'd like, but these are unnecessary.\\nIf the baby still has their umbilical cord attached, use a cotton ball or dry sponge to gentle dry the area. No need to use rubbing alcohol.\\n3-3. Put a nappy on and dress the baby.\\nIf you're about to put your little one down to rest, choose an outfit that's easy to fit on them, preferably with snaps instead of buttons. You may also choose to swaddle the baby (see How to Swaddle a Baby for more information).\\nTips\\nBabies who still have their umbilical cords should be sponge-bathed until it falls off.\\nBath time is more than a utilitarian chore - it's a wonderful opportunity to bond and play. Relax, take your time when possible, and let everyone enjoy the experience. It's a great time to sing to your child. The baby will enjoy a great sensory experience, some attention, splashing, and more.\\nFor a real indulgence, warm the towels in the dryer.\\nWarnings\\nMake sure that the room in which you are bathing baby is warm.\\nAvoid using adult bar soap on a baby; it is too drying.\\nBe careful with the products you choose to use on the baby. There are lots of products marketed as baby soaps and shampoos, but not all of them with work well if your baby's skin. Watch out for signs of irritation or rashes.\\nDon't even think about leaving a baby unattended in any amount of water! An adult needs to supervise a baby at all times.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Bathing a newborn for the first time can be a little daunting. It is important to keep babies safe and cozy, especially during their first few months, and that's tricky to do during bathtime. With the right supplies and a bit of practice, bathing your child can be a fun, playful experience, and the perfect time for the two of you to bond together. Read on to learn how to prepare for the bath, wash your baby safely, and make them comfortable after you're finished.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Preparing for Bath Time\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Get everything ready in advance.\", \"描述\": \"Once the baby is in the bath, you won't be able to leave them for even a moment, so it's important to set out everything you need before you begin.\\nGather what you need for the bath itself, including the tub, a cup for pouring water, gentle baby soap, two washcloths, and cotton balls for cleaning the baby's eyes and ears.\\nOptionally, collect a few bath toys for the baby to play with.\\nLay out what you'll need after the bath, including a towel, a brush or comb, lotion or oil, a diaper, diaper ointment and a clean set of clothes nearby.\\nUntil the umbilical cord has fallen off, sponge bathes are probably the easiest way to wash the baby because dry cord care is currently recommended--just leaving the stump alone to let it fall by itself. Despite what you have heard, there is no need to use rubbing alcohol to clean baby's umbilical cord area if it is still attached.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Dress in appropriate clothes.\", \"描述\": \"Wear something you don't mind getting wet and soapy. Roll up long sleeves, and remove jewelry like watches, rings, and bracelets. Make sure your clothes don't have zippers or pins that could scratch the baby's skin. Many caregivers like wearing a terrycloth bathrobe while bathing a baby.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Set up the tub.\", \"描述\": \"Most baby tubs available are shaped so as to support the infant's neck and head. They usually have a mat or sling that prevents the baby from being completely submerged in water. Place the baby bath in a clean sink, bathtub, or on the floor, depending on the manufacturer's instructions.\\nIf you don't have a baby bath, you may use a clean kitchen sink instead. Just make sure the tap does not touch the baby's head. Tap covers are available for baby-proofing your sink.\\nDo not use a full-size adult bathtub to bathe a newborn baby. They are too deep, and it's difficult to make sure the baby doesn't slip during the bath.\\nIf your baby bath doesn't have a tread on the bottom to keep the baby from slipping, line it with a washcloth or separate bath mat.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Fill the tub with a few inches of warm water.\", \"描述\": \"Run the water and test the temperature. You may use your elbow, wrist or a special bath thermometer to make sure the water isn't too hot or cold for the baby. The water should be comfortably warm to the touch, but not as hot as you'd prefer for your own bath or shower.\\nIf the baby still has their umbilical cord attached, simply fill a bowl with water so you can administer a sponge bath instead.\\nAlways test the water before placing the baby in the bath.\\nWhen in doubt, err on the cooler side; your hands are rougher than a baby's sensitive skin, so they will feel heat more acutely than you.\\nDo not fill the tub more than a couple of inches. Babies should never be submerged in water. As your baby gets a little bigger, you can add a bit more water, but never enough to come close to submerging the baby.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Bathing Your Baby\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Lay your baby in the tub feet first.\", \"描述\": \"Keep one hand supporting the baby's back, neck and head as you carefully lower them into the tub. Continue supporting the baby throughout the bath with one hand, and use the other hand to wash them.\\nBabies can be very wriggly and slippery, so be very careful once they become wet.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Begin washing the baby.\", \"描述\": \"Use a cup, or your cupped hand, to get the baby's body wet. Use a soft washcloth to gently wash the baby's face, body, arms and legs.\\nUse cotton balls to wipe the baby's eyes and ears.\\nIf you wish, you can use a safe baby soap that is very neutral, but it isn't necessary; a gentle scrub and wash down are adequate to keep babies clean. Don't forget to get between all the little creases and behind the ears and under the neck, where spit-up and moisture tend to collect.\\nUse a little baby soap on a washcloth to wash the baby's hands and feet.\\nClean the baby's genitals last, using a dab of baby soap if you wish. If you have a baby who is circumcised, gently wipe them with the wet washcloth. Wash female babies from front to back to prevent infection.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Wash the hair.\", \"描述\": \"If it is necessary to wash the baby's hair, lean them back and gently massage water into the hair and scalp. Use the cup to pour clean water over the baby's head. You can use baby shampoo if desired, but there is really no need. Babies are born with all the natural oils needed to keep the scalp healthy, and shampoos can easily spoil this balance.\\nIf you use baby shampoo, use your hand to protect the baby's eyes from being irritated.\\nBefore rinsing, check again to make sure that the temperature of the running water is not too hot.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Lift the baby from the tub.\", \"描述\": \"Support the baby's head, neck, and back with one arm, and hold their bottom and thigh with the other. Place baby in a towel, being careful to cover their head.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"After the Bath\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Towel the baby dry.\", \"描述\": \"Dry the baby's body first, making sure to dry gently behind the ears and in the skin folds, so that no excess moisture is left there. Towel-dry the hair as much as possible.\\nRemember that the fine hair of a baby will dry quickly. Do not use a hairdryer, as it is unnecessary and potentially dangerous.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Apply ointments if necessary.\", \"描述\": \"Dab a little ointment on the baby's diaper rash or circumcision wound if you've been advised to by a doctor.\\nIt's OK to apply baby creams, lotions, or oils if you'd like, but these are unnecessary.\\nIf the baby still has their umbilical cord attached, use a cotton ball or dry sponge to gentle dry the area. No need to use rubbing alcohol.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Put a nappy on and dress the baby.\", \"描述\": \"If you're about to put your little one down to rest, choose an outfit that's easy to fit on them, preferably with snaps instead of buttons. You may also choose to swaddle the baby (see How to Swaddle a Baby for more information).\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Babies who still have their umbilical cords should be sponge-bathed until it falls off.\\n\", \"Bath time is more than a utilitarian chore - it's a wonderful opportunity to bond and play. Relax, take your time when possible, and let everyone enjoy the experience. It's a great time to sing to your child. The baby will enjoy a great sensory experience, some attention, splashing, and more.\\n\", \"For a real indulgence, warm the towels in the dryer.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Make sure that the room in which you are bathing baby is warm.\\n\", \"Avoid using adult bar soap on a baby; it is too drying.\\n\", \"Be careful with the products you choose to use on the baby. There are lots of products marketed as baby soaps and shampoos, but not all of them with work well if your baby's skin. Watch out for signs of irritation or rashes.\\n\", \"Don't even think about leaving a baby unattended in any amount of water! An adult needs to supervise a baby at all times.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,518 | How to Bathe when Water Is Scarce | 1. Taking a Sponge Bath
1-1. Fill a bucket with of hot water and baking soda.
Add 3 cups (710 ml) of hot water to a metal bucket. Stir in about 3 tablespoons (44 ml) of baking soda. Try not to leave any grains in the bottom.
1-2. Wash your hair in the mixture.
Soak your hair in the water, and comb it all the way through. Dump out the water, and repeat the process. Leave your hair wet in a towel.
1-3. Refill the bucket with hot water and less baking soda.
Add about 3 cups (710 ml) of warm to hot water to a bucket. Add 1 teaspoon (4.9 ml) of baking soda to the water. Stir the mixture to combine.
1-4. Scrub your body with the mixture.
Scrub down your whole body, rinsing out the cloth often. You can use some soap on hairy areas, but only a little. Use water on the rag to rinse it off.
Using too much soap means you have to rinse it out, which is difficult to do with a sponge bath.
However, medical supply stores also carry products that don't require much water to use, such as no-rinse liquid body soap.
1-5. Rinse out your hair with 2 cups (470 ml) to 3 cups (710 ml) of water.
Put fresh water in the basin. Dunk your head in the basin, getting it completely wet. Use a comb to remove the dirt and baking soda. Dunk again if you need to, and then dry off per usual.
2. Using Dry Methods
2-1. Use baby wipes to clean yourself if you don't have any access to water.
They won't get you completely clean, but they will help. Just be sure to use more than one wipe as each one gets dirty.
Apply lotion after you use the baby wipes to moisturize your skin.
2-2. Spray in dry shampoo.
Hold the dry shampoo about a foot from your head, aiming just at the roots. Start with enough to cover your hair, but don't spray too much. Let it sit for a few minutes, then use your hands to rub it in. You can also brush it in. If your hair still looks greasy, you can try again.
2-3. Apply deodorant at night.
To keep yourself smelling good between showers, you can apply deodorant. Try applying it at night and in the morning. Applying it a night gives it a chance to work in a moisture-free environment.
2-4. Avoid tight-fitting clothing.
When you aren't showering as much, you want to stay as cool as possible. The hottest areas of your body will smell the most. Loose-fitting clothing will help you stay cool in those areas and smell less.
3. Taking a Navy Shower
3-1. Turn the shower on for 30 seconds.
Turn on the water long enough to just get yourself wet, about 30 seconds. Make sure you get your hair and whole body wet in this amount of time, then shut the shower off.
3-2. Turn off the shower, and lather with soap.
With the water off, proceed to lather up your body. Put shampoo in your hair, and rub it in well. Soap up your body. Keep going until you've got your whole body covered in soap suds.
3-3. Shave as needed.
While the water is off, take the time to shave. If you need a little water to rinse off your razor from time to time, fill an old cup with water. Then just agitate it in the water to clean it off before moving on.
3-4. Turn the water on, and rinse with soap.
Turn the water back on. Starting with your hair, begin rinsing off the soap. Rinse from the top down so you're not adding soap back to areas you've already rinsed. Leave the shower on just long enough to rinse off your whole body.
3-5. Repeat the process for conditioner.
If you need to use conditioner, turn off the water again, and lather up with conditioner. Once you're done, turn the water on again to rinse it out. Alternatively, use a leave-in conditioner that doesn't need to be rinsed out.
4. Saving Water when Bathing
4-1. Reduce the number of showers you take.
If you take a shower everyday, you're not alone. However, most of the time, you don't need to shower that often to stay clean. Try reducing the number of showers you take until you reach an equilibrium of taking fewer showers and still staying relatively clean.
Sometimes, showering every other day will do, and some people even shower once a week.
4-2. Opt for a low-flow shower head.
These shower heads use less water per minute, so you're saving water while using them. Most of the time, you won't even be able to tell the difference between a low-flow shower head and normal shower head.
It also helps not to turn the water on full-blast.
You can find these at most home improvement stores. Typically, the run about the same price or a little more than a conventional shower head. Most of the time, you can install them yourself.
4-3. Take shorter showers.
Another option is to just try to shorten your shower as much as possible. While a hot shower feels great on your muscles, it wastes a lot of water. Try to take a shower as fast as you can. Start by timing yourself, and then try to reduce your shower by 30 seconds every day.
4-4. Shower instead of taking a bath.
Filling up a bathtub takes a lot more water than simply taking a quick shower. When you can, opt for a shower instead. When you need to take a bath, only fill it up about a quarter of the way.
4-5. Share a bath.
You and your partner can hop into the bath or shower together rather than using twice the water to bathe separately. Kids can also share one bath, helping to save water.
Of course, if your kids aren't comfortable bathing together, it's not a good idea to force them. You could also let them wear bathing suits for privacy.
Tips
Fix drips immediately. A lot of water is lost each day through a dripping faucet or a running toilet. Put a large container underneath the dripping area in order to catch the water for later use.
When first turning the shower on, the water is cold. Use a bucket to catch the water until it warms up. Set that water aside for other uses, such as watering plants or flushing the toilet.
Do not use baking soda. It's bad for your skin and hair. Just use a body wash.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:15",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Taking a Sponge Bath\\n1-1. Fill a bucket with of hot water and baking soda.\\nAdd 3 cups (710 ml) of hot water to a metal bucket. Stir in about 3 tablespoons (44 ml) of baking soda. Try not to leave any grains in the bottom.\\n1-2. Wash your hair in the mixture.\\nSoak your hair in the water, and comb it all the way through. Dump out the water, and repeat the process. Leave your hair wet in a towel.\\n1-3. Refill the bucket with hot water and less baking soda.\\nAdd about 3 cups (710 ml) of warm to hot water to a bucket. Add 1 teaspoon (4.9 ml) of baking soda to the water. Stir the mixture to combine.\\n1-4. Scrub your body with the mixture.\\nScrub down your whole body, rinsing out the cloth often. You can use some soap on hairy areas, but only a little. Use water on the rag to rinse it off.\\nUsing too much soap means you have to rinse it out, which is difficult to do with a sponge bath.\\nHowever, medical supply stores also carry products that don't require much water to use, such as no-rinse liquid body soap.\\n1-5. Rinse out your hair with 2 cups (470 ml) to 3 cups (710 ml) of water.\\nPut fresh water in the basin. Dunk your head in the basin, getting it completely wet. Use a comb to remove the dirt and baking soda. Dunk again if you need to, and then dry off per usual.\\n2. Using Dry Methods\\n2-1. Use baby wipes to clean yourself if you don't have any access to water.\\nThey won't get you completely clean, but they will help. Just be sure to use more than one wipe as each one gets dirty.\\nApply lotion after you use the baby wipes to moisturize your skin.\\n2-2. Spray in dry shampoo.\\nHold the dry shampoo about a foot from your head, aiming just at the roots. Start with enough to cover your hair, but don't spray too much. Let it sit for a few minutes, then use your hands to rub it in. You can also brush it in. If your hair still looks greasy, you can try again.\\n2-3. Apply deodorant at night.\\nTo keep yourself smelling good between showers, you can apply deodorant. Try applying it at night and in the morning. Applying it a night gives it a chance to work in a moisture-free environment.\\n2-4. Avoid tight-fitting clothing.\\nWhen you aren't showering as much, you want to stay as cool as possible. The hottest areas of your body will smell the most. Loose-fitting clothing will help you stay cool in those areas and smell less.\\n3. Taking a Navy Shower\\n3-1. Turn the shower on for 30 seconds.\\nTurn on the water long enough to just get yourself wet, about 30 seconds. Make sure you get your hair and whole body wet in this amount of time, then shut the shower off.\\n3-2. Turn off the shower, and lather with soap.\\nWith the water off, proceed to lather up your body. Put shampoo in your hair, and rub it in well. Soap up your body. Keep going until you've got your whole body covered in soap suds.\\n3-3. Shave as needed.\\nWhile the water is off, take the time to shave. If you need a little water to rinse off your razor from time to time, fill an old cup with water. Then just agitate it in the water to clean it off before moving on.\\n3-4. Turn the water on, and rinse with soap.\\nTurn the water back on. Starting with your hair, begin rinsing off the soap. Rinse from the top down so you're not adding soap back to areas you've already rinsed. Leave the shower on just long enough to rinse off your whole body.\\n3-5. Repeat the process for conditioner.\\nIf you need to use conditioner, turn off the water again, and lather up with conditioner. Once you're done, turn the water on again to rinse it out. Alternatively, use a leave-in conditioner that doesn't need to be rinsed out.\\n4. Saving Water when Bathing\\n4-1. Reduce the number of showers you take.\\nIf you take a shower everyday, you're not alone. However, most of the time, you don't need to shower that often to stay clean. Try reducing the number of showers you take until you reach an equilibrium of taking fewer showers and still staying relatively clean.\\nSometimes, showering every other day will do, and some people even shower once a week.\\n4-2. Opt for a low-flow shower head.\\nThese shower heads use less water per minute, so you're saving water while using them. Most of the time, you won't even be able to tell the difference between a low-flow shower head and normal shower head.\\nIt also helps not to turn the water on full-blast.\\nYou can find these at most home improvement stores. Typically, the run about the same price or a little more than a conventional shower head. Most of the time, you can install them yourself.\\n4-3. Take shorter showers.\\nAnother option is to just try to shorten your shower as much as possible. While a hot shower feels great on your muscles, it wastes a lot of water. Try to take a shower as fast as you can. Start by timing yourself, and then try to reduce your shower by 30 seconds every day.\\n4-4. Shower instead of taking a bath.\\nFilling up a bathtub takes a lot more water than simply taking a quick shower. When you can, opt for a shower instead. When you need to take a bath, only fill it up about a quarter of the way.\\n4-5. Share a bath.\\nYou and your partner can hop into the bath or shower together rather than using twice the water to bathe separately. Kids can also share one bath, helping to save water.\\nOf course, if your kids aren't comfortable bathing together, it's not a good idea to force them. You could also let them wear bathing suits for privacy.\\nTips\\nFix drips immediately. A lot of water is lost each day through a dripping faucet or a running toilet. Put a large container underneath the dripping area in order to catch the water for later use.\\nWhen first turning the shower on, the water is cold. Use a bucket to catch the water until it warms up. Set that water aside for other uses, such as watering plants or flushing the toilet.\\nDo not use baking soda. It's bad for your skin and hair. Just use a body wash.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Even when water is scarce, you still need to keep clean. Luckily, you have a few options available to you, such as taking a sponge bath, or if you have a bit more water, a navy shower. You can also take steps to conserve water in the shower even if water isn't scarce in your area.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Taking a Sponge Bath\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Fill a bucket with of hot water and baking soda.\", \"描述\": \"Add 3 cups (710 ml) of hot water to a metal bucket. Stir in about 3 tablespoons (44 ml) of baking soda. Try not to leave any grains in the bottom.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Wash your hair in the mixture.\", \"描述\": \"Soak your hair in the water, and comb it all the way through. Dump out the water, and repeat the process. Leave your hair wet in a towel.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Refill the bucket with hot water and less baking soda.\", \"描述\": \"Add about 3 cups (710 ml) of warm to hot water to a bucket. Add 1 teaspoon (4.9 ml) of baking soda to the water. Stir the mixture to combine.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Scrub your body with the mixture.\", \"描述\": \"Scrub down your whole body, rinsing out the cloth often. You can use some soap on hairy areas, but only a little. Use water on the rag to rinse it off.\\nUsing too much soap means you have to rinse it out, which is difficult to do with a sponge bath.\\nHowever, medical supply stores also carry products that don't require much water to use, such as no-rinse liquid body soap.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Rinse out your hair with 2 cups (470 ml) to 3 cups (710 ml) of water.\", \"描述\": \"Put fresh water in the basin. Dunk your head in the basin, getting it completely wet. Use a comb to remove the dirt and baking soda. Dunk again if you need to, and then dry off per usual.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Using Dry Methods\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Use baby wipes to clean yourself if you don't have any access to water.\", \"描述\": \"They won't get you completely clean, but they will help. Just be sure to use more than one wipe as each one gets dirty.\\nApply lotion after you use the baby wipes to moisturize your skin.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Spray in dry shampoo.\", \"描述\": \"Hold the dry shampoo about a foot from your head, aiming just at the roots. Start with enough to cover your hair, but don't spray too much. Let it sit for a few minutes, then use your hands to rub it in. You can also brush it in. If your hair still looks greasy, you can try again.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Apply deodorant at night.\", \"描述\": \"To keep yourself smelling good between showers, you can apply deodorant. Try applying it at night and in the morning. Applying it a night gives it a chance to work in a moisture-free environment.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Avoid tight-fitting clothing.\", \"描述\": \"When you aren't showering as much, you want to stay as cool as possible. The hottest areas of your body will smell the most. Loose-fitting clothing will help you stay cool in those areas and smell less.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Taking a Navy Shower\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Turn the shower on for 30 seconds.\", \"描述\": \"Turn on the water long enough to just get yourself wet, about 30 seconds. Make sure you get your hair and whole body wet in this amount of time, then shut the shower off.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Turn off the shower, and lather with soap.\", \"描述\": \"With the water off, proceed to lather up your body. Put shampoo in your hair, and rub it in well. Soap up your body. Keep going until you've got your whole body covered in soap suds.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Shave as needed.\", \"描述\": \"While the water is off, take the time to shave. If you need a little water to rinse off your razor from time to time, fill an old cup with water. Then just agitate it in the water to clean it off before moving on.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Turn the water on, and rinse with soap.\", \"描述\": \"Turn the water back on. Starting with your hair, begin rinsing off the soap. Rinse from the top down so you're not adding soap back to areas you've already rinsed. Leave the shower on just long enough to rinse off your whole body.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Repeat the process for conditioner.\", \"描述\": \"If you need to use conditioner, turn off the water again, and lather up with conditioner. Once you're done, turn the water on again to rinse it out. Alternatively, use a leave-in conditioner that doesn't need to be rinsed out.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Saving Water when Bathing\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Reduce the number of showers you take.\", \"描述\": \"If you take a shower everyday, you're not alone. However, most of the time, you don't need to shower that often to stay clean. Try reducing the number of showers you take until you reach an equilibrium of taking fewer showers and still staying relatively clean.\\nSometimes, showering every other day will do, and some people even shower once a week.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Opt for a low-flow shower head.\", \"描述\": \"These shower heads use less water per minute, so you're saving water while using them. Most of the time, you won't even be able to tell the difference between a low-flow shower head and normal shower head.\\nIt also helps not to turn the water on full-blast.\\nYou can find these at most home improvement stores. Typically, the run about the same price or a little more than a conventional shower head. Most of the time, you can install them yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Take shorter showers.\", \"描述\": \"Another option is to just try to shorten your shower as much as possible. While a hot shower feels great on your muscles, it wastes a lot of water. Try to take a shower as fast as you can. Start by timing yourself, and then try to reduce your shower by 30 seconds every day.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Shower instead of taking a bath.\", \"描述\": \"Filling up a bathtub takes a lot more water than simply taking a quick shower. When you can, opt for a shower instead. When you need to take a bath, only fill it up about a quarter of the way.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Share a bath.\", \"描述\": \"You and your partner can hop into the bath or shower together rather than using twice the water to bathe separately. Kids can also share one bath, helping to save water.\\nOf course, if your kids aren't comfortable bathing together, it's not a good idea to force them. You could also let them wear bathing suits for privacy.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Fix drips immediately. A lot of water is lost each day through a dripping faucet or a running toilet. Put a large container underneath the dripping area in order to catch the water for later use.\\n\", \"When first turning the shower on, the water is cold. Use a bucket to catch the water until it warms up. Set that water aside for other uses, such as watering plants or flushing the toilet.\\n\", \"Do not use baking soda. It's bad for your skin and hair. Just use a body wash.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,519 | How to Batik | 1. Batiking Basics
1-1. Prewash your fabrics.
Use hot water to wash the fabrics in a detergent (such as Synthrapol) to remove chemicals and impurities that can affect dyes.
1-2. Dye your fabrics in base colors.
These base colors are the colors that will show under the wax resist.
1-3. Melt your batik wax.
Batik wax comes in a brick that needs to be melted in either an electric wax pot or double boiler.
Use caution with hot wax. Do not heat it above 240° as it could begin to emit fumes or even catch fire.
It is not recommended that you heat wax on the stove top. Wax pots and double boilers heat the wax slowly and at a lower heat.
1-4. Stretch your fabric on an embroidery hoop.
The hoop will keep the fabric taught and stable, allowing you to apply wax with greater precision.
If you are applying designs to large swaths of fabric, you can lay newsprint or cardboard on your work surface without stretching it on a hoop. The wax will penetrate through the fabric, so a protective surface underneath is highly recommended.
1-5. Begin to apply the wax with your tools.
Various tools will yield different line qualities, so some experimentation beforehand is recommended.
Use a single-spouted tjanting tool to draw thin lines and designs. It is a standard tool that is very versatile and comes in a variety of spout sizes.
A double-spouted tjanting tool creates parallel lines and can also be used in filling larger areas.
Brushes can also be used to cover large areas. They can be used traditionally, in broad strokes, or as a stippling tool for a dot pattern.
Use stamps for the application of uniform shapes. Stamps can be made of anything that can take the heat of the wax. Try carving a potato into a shape, or using the end of a celery stalk to stamp out half circles.
1-6. Regulate your wax temperature.
The wax should be hot enough to penetrate through the fabric, but not be so hot and thin that it spreads when applied. The wax will be clear if it has penetrated to the other side of the fabric.
1-7. Get ready to tub-dye your fabric.
When considering which dye colors to use, it is recommended that you begin with the lightest colors first (like yellow) and then move towards darker colors.
Wash your fabric in Synthrapol.
Dissolve your dye by following instructions on the package. Some dyes (like reds) are harder to dissolve than other.
Add in the appropriate amount of non-iodized salt. For a 1/2 pound of dry fabric, add in 1 1/2 cups of salt. For a pound of fabric, use 3 cups of salt.
Add in your damp fabric. Stir gently, but frequently for 20 minutes.
Mix up your soda ash. Soda ash, or sodium carbonate, is used to bond the dye to the cellulose in fiber. Dissolve the ash in warm water and add it into the tub slowly (over the course of 15 minutes), being careful not to dump it directly onto the fabric (which could cause discoloration). For each 1/2 pound of dry fabric, add in 1/6 cups of salt. For a pound of fabric, use 1/3 cups of salt. Stir gently, but frequently for another 30 minutes.
Rinse you fabric and wash out excess dye. Run cool water over your fabric until it runs clear. Then wash it in hot water using Synthrapol. With some darker colors, like red or brown, a second washing may be necessary to remove all excess dye. Allow the fabric to dry.
1-8. Repeat another application of wax to add more layers of color and design.
With every additional layer you wish to add, follow the steps for tub dyeing. Remember to tub dye your darkest colors last.
1-9. Remove the wax.
When you are done with all the color dyeing, you may remove the wax in one of two ways:
Boil the wax out. Fill a pot large enough to hold your fabric with water and a few drops of Synthrapol. Once the water begins to boil, add in your fabric and weigh it down with a rock to keep the wax (which will be floating at the top) from re-bonding with the fabric. After a few minutes, the wax will pull out of the fabric. After all the wax appears to be out of the fabric, allow the pot to cool completely, and peel the wax layer from the top of the pot.
Iron the wax out. Place the fabric between two sheets of absorbent paper and run the iron over the sandwiched fabric. The wax can leave behind a residue, so use care to ensure the wax is removed. Periodically changing out the papers can aid in wax removal.
1-10. Wash and dry your fabric.
Throw your fabric into the washing machine with Synthrapol one last time to ensure all of the dyes have been released. Dry your fabric either on a line, or in the dryer. All batiked!
2. Batiking Without Wax
2-1. Spread the plastic on your work surface.
Lay your pre-washed and pre-dyed fabric over the overlapped sheets of plastic wrap.
2-2. Create designs using the washable resist medium.
As with traditional batiking, you may use the single or double-spouted tjanting tool to create thin lines for designs. Use paint brushes to cover larger areas with the medium. Allow the medium to dry for approximately 30 minutes, though exact dry time depends on how thickly the medium was applied.
Consider using stamps dipped in the medium to create a repeat pattern. You can use a stencil by placing it down on the fabric and dabbing the medium around it with a foam brush.
2-3. Mix up your liquid dye.
Follow the instructions on the package to mix up the dye. If you are using a liquid dye, adjusting the water-to-dye ratio can create softer (add more water) or more vivid colors (add more dye).
2-4. Apply the dye.
Dyes can be dribbled, painted, sprayed, or dabbed on. Consider mixing two or more colors together to create color variations.
2-5. Cover the fabric with plastic wrap.
Once you have finished with your dye application, cover the fabric with plastic wrap and seal the edges.
2-6. Nuke your fabric.
Place paper towels on the bottom of the microwave oven to protect against spills. Place your plastic-covered fabric in the microwave oven (you may need to fold the fabric) and cook on high for 2 minutes.
2-7. Remove the fabric from the microwave.
Using thick rubber gloves, carefully remove the fabric from the microwave oven. The fabric will be hot, so use caution! Allow the fabric to cool for a few minutes before removing the plastic.
2-8. Wash and dry your fabric.
Rinse your fabric under cool water until it runs clear. After you've removed the initial dye, wash the fabric in warm water with a mild detergent, and rinse. Dry your fabric.
3. Batiking Silk (Alternate Method)
3-1. Prewash your silk.
Add a drop or two of liquid dish soap to a tub or bucket of water. Rinse and dry your fabric. While still slightly damp, press your fabric with an iron set to the "silk" setting.
If you wish to sketch out a design instead of painting it freehand, this would be done after ironing.
3-2. Stretch your silk.
Apply safety pins connected to rubber bands around the edges of your silk--every 4–6 inches (10.2–15.2 cm). Lay your silk over the frame and begin to apply push pins to the frame. The rubber bands will hook around push pins set into the frame to create a taut trampoline.
The rubber bands should be small enough to maintain good tension, but long enough to as to avoid tearing the fabric.
You can link two rubber bands together to create longer ones if your frame is much larger than the piece of silk.
The goal is to create a taut surface on which to paint. The surface should be taut, but should not be too tight that it begins to tear.
3-3. Elevate your frame.
Place 4 plastic cups or containers under the frame to raise it off the work surface.
3-4. Apply your resist.
The resist can be applied with a paint brush, or through the narrow spout of an applicator bottle. Allow the resist to dry completely before moving on to color. Depending on preference, there are two type of resists that work well for silk painting:
Rubber based resists, or guttae, are similar in consistency to rubber cement and can be diluted to a thin consistency useful for drawing finer lines. After the color has been set, they are removed by dry-cleaning the finished fabric. The downside of this resist is the fumes it produces. It is recommended that you use a respirator in a well-ventilated area when applying rubber based gutta.
Water soluble resists are non-toxic, odorless, and wash away in warm water. These resists work well in conjunction with silk paints (as opposed to dyes), which are heat set with heat. The downside to this resist is that it's not as free-flowing as other guttae, and fine details are harder to achieve.
3-5. Apply your color.
Carefully apply your dye or paint with a brush. Allow the color to flow towards an area of resist. Painting directly on the resist may cause it to dissolve and fill in. There are two options when it comes to color:
Silk paints are pigment-based products that color the surface of the fabric, but do not penetrate into the fabric's fiber. These colors can be used on a wide variety of fabrics (including synthetics) and are set with a dry iron
Silk dyes color fabric by forming a bond with the fibers in the fabric. These are a wonderful choice if you do not want to diminish the natural luster of silk. Colors are light-fast and washable.
3-6. Allow your painted silk to set for 24 hours.
If you have opted for silk paints, heat-set the color by applying the iron for 2-3 minutes on the back side of the fabric. After ironing, rinse the silk in warm water, hang to dry, and iron again while still slightly damp.
If you used silk dyes, after allowing the color to dry for 24 hours, rinse the fabric until the water runs clear. Add a couple of drops of light detergent or dish soap to a bucket or tub and wash the silk. Rinse again with cool water, and hang to dry. When the silk is almost dry, apply a dry iron heated to the "silk" setting.
Tips
If you place your dyes in applicator bottles (with tips) you can apply multiple dyes at once.
If you want a solid line, use beeswax. If you want a crackling effect use a 3:2 mix of beeswax and paraffin.
Warnings
Use a respirator when using dyes that produce fumes. Working in a well-ventilated area is also highly recommended.
If your batik wax catches fire, do NOT try to douse the flames with water! Water will spread the fire. Instead, use a fire extinguisher or baking soda.
Wear gloves to protect your hands from the dye. Some dyes can harm your skin and all dyes will stain your hands.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:15",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Batiking Basics\\n1-1. Prewash your fabrics.\\nUse hot water to wash the fabrics in a detergent (such as Synthrapol) to remove chemicals and impurities that can affect dyes.\\n1-2. Dye your fabrics in base colors.\\nThese base colors are the colors that will show under the wax resist.\\n1-3. Melt your batik wax.\\nBatik wax comes in a brick that needs to be melted in either an electric wax pot or double boiler.\\nUse caution with hot wax. Do not heat it above 240° as it could begin to emit fumes or even catch fire.\\nIt is not recommended that you heat wax on the stove top. Wax pots and double boilers heat the wax slowly and at a lower heat.\\n1-4. Stretch your fabric on an embroidery hoop.\\nThe hoop will keep the fabric taught and stable, allowing you to apply wax with greater precision.\\nIf you are applying designs to large swaths of fabric, you can lay newsprint or cardboard on your work surface without stretching it on a hoop. The wax will penetrate through the fabric, so a protective surface underneath is highly recommended.\\n1-5. Begin to apply the wax with your tools.\\nVarious tools will yield different line qualities, so some experimentation beforehand is recommended.\\nUse a single-spouted tjanting tool to draw thin lines and designs. It is a standard tool that is very versatile and comes in a variety of spout sizes.\\nA double-spouted tjanting tool creates parallel lines and can also be used in filling larger areas.\\nBrushes can also be used to cover large areas. They can be used traditionally, in broad strokes, or as a stippling tool for a dot pattern.\\nUse stamps for the application of uniform shapes. Stamps can be made of anything that can take the heat of the wax. Try carving a potato into a shape, or using the end of a celery stalk to stamp out half circles.\\n1-6. Regulate your wax temperature.\\nThe wax should be hot enough to penetrate through the fabric, but not be so hot and thin that it spreads when applied. The wax will be clear if it has penetrated to the other side of the fabric.\\n1-7. Get ready to tub-dye your fabric.\\nWhen considering which dye colors to use, it is recommended that you begin with the lightest colors first (like yellow) and then move towards darker colors.\\nWash your fabric in Synthrapol.\\nDissolve your dye by following instructions on the package. Some dyes (like reds) are harder to dissolve than other.\\nAdd in the appropriate amount of non-iodized salt. For a 1/2 pound of dry fabric, add in 1 1/2 cups of salt. For a pound of fabric, use 3 cups of salt.\\nAdd in your damp fabric. Stir gently, but frequently for 20 minutes.\\nMix up your soda ash. Soda ash, or sodium carbonate, is used to bond the dye to the cellulose in fiber. Dissolve the ash in warm water and add it into the tub slowly (over the course of 15 minutes), being careful not to dump it directly onto the fabric (which could cause discoloration). For each 1/2 pound of dry fabric, add in 1/6 cups of salt. For a pound of fabric, use 1/3 cups of salt. Stir gently, but frequently for another 30 minutes.\\nRinse you fabric and wash out excess dye. Run cool water over your fabric until it runs clear. Then wash it in hot water using Synthrapol. With some darker colors, like red or brown, a second washing may be necessary to remove all excess dye. Allow the fabric to dry.\\n1-8. Repeat another application of wax to add more layers of color and design.\\nWith every additional layer you wish to add, follow the steps for tub dyeing. Remember to tub dye your darkest colors last.\\n1-9. Remove the wax.\\nWhen you are done with all the color dyeing, you may remove the wax in one of two ways:\\nBoil the wax out. Fill a pot large enough to hold your fabric with water and a few drops of Synthrapol. Once the water begins to boil, add in your fabric and weigh it down with a rock to keep the wax (which will be floating at the top) from re-bonding with the fabric. After a few minutes, the wax will pull out of the fabric. After all the wax appears to be out of the fabric, allow the pot to cool completely, and peel the wax layer from the top of the pot.\\nIron the wax out. Place the fabric between two sheets of absorbent paper and run the iron over the sandwiched fabric. The wax can leave behind a residue, so use care to ensure the wax is removed. Periodically changing out the papers can aid in wax removal.\\n1-10. Wash and dry your fabric.\\nThrow your fabric into the washing machine with Synthrapol one last time to ensure all of the dyes have been released. Dry your fabric either on a line, or in the dryer. All batiked!\\n2. Batiking Without Wax\\n2-1. Spread the plastic on your work surface.\\nLay your pre-washed and pre-dyed fabric over the overlapped sheets of plastic wrap.\\n2-2. Create designs using the washable resist medium.\\nAs with traditional batiking, you may use the single or double-spouted tjanting tool to create thin lines for designs. Use paint brushes to cover larger areas with the medium. Allow the medium to dry for approximately 30 minutes, though exact dry time depends on how thickly the medium was applied.\\nConsider using stamps dipped in the medium to create a repeat pattern. You can use a stencil by placing it down on the fabric and dabbing the medium around it with a foam brush.\\n2-3. Mix up your liquid dye.\\nFollow the instructions on the package to mix up the dye. If you are using a liquid dye, adjusting the water-to-dye ratio can create softer (add more water) or more vivid colors (add more dye).\\n2-4. Apply the dye.\\nDyes can be dribbled, painted, sprayed, or dabbed on. Consider mixing two or more colors together to create color variations.\\n2-5. Cover the fabric with plastic wrap.\\nOnce you have finished with your dye application, cover the fabric with plastic wrap and seal the edges.\\n2-6. Nuke your fabric.\\nPlace paper towels on the bottom of the microwave oven to protect against spills. Place your plastic-covered fabric in the microwave oven (you may need to fold the fabric) and cook on high for 2 minutes.\\n2-7. Remove the fabric from the microwave.\\nUsing thick rubber gloves, carefully remove the fabric from the microwave oven. The fabric will be hot, so use caution! Allow the fabric to cool for a few minutes before removing the plastic.\\n2-8. Wash and dry your fabric.\\nRinse your fabric under cool water until it runs clear. After you've removed the initial dye, wash the fabric in warm water with a mild detergent, and rinse. Dry your fabric.\\n3. Batiking Silk (Alternate Method)\\n3-1. Prewash your silk.\\nAdd a drop or two of liquid dish soap to a tub or bucket of water. Rinse and dry your fabric. While still slightly damp, press your fabric with an iron set to the \\\"silk\\\" setting.\\nIf you wish to sketch out a design instead of painting it freehand, this would be done after ironing.\\n3-2. Stretch your silk.\\nApply safety pins connected to rubber bands around the edges of your silk--every 4–6 inches (10.2–15.2 cm). Lay your silk over the frame and begin to apply push pins to the frame. The rubber bands will hook around push pins set into the frame to create a taut trampoline.\\nThe rubber bands should be small enough to maintain good tension, but long enough to as to avoid tearing the fabric.\\nYou can link two rubber bands together to create longer ones if your frame is much larger than the piece of silk.\\nThe goal is to create a taut surface on which to paint. The surface should be taut, but should not be too tight that it begins to tear.\\n3-3. Elevate your frame.\\nPlace 4 plastic cups or containers under the frame to raise it off the work surface.\\n3-4. Apply your resist.\\nThe resist can be applied with a paint brush, or through the narrow spout of an applicator bottle. Allow the resist to dry completely before moving on to color. Depending on preference, there are two type of resists that work well for silk painting:\\nRubber based resists, or guttae, are similar in consistency to rubber cement and can be diluted to a thin consistency useful for drawing finer lines. After the color has been set, they are removed by dry-cleaning the finished fabric. The downside of this resist is the fumes it produces. It is recommended that you use a respirator in a well-ventilated area when applying rubber based gutta.\\nWater soluble resists are non-toxic, odorless, and wash away in warm water. These resists work well in conjunction with silk paints (as opposed to dyes), which are heat set with heat. The downside to this resist is that it's not as free-flowing as other guttae, and fine details are harder to achieve.\\n3-5. Apply your color.\\nCarefully apply your dye or paint with a brush. Allow the color to flow towards an area of resist. Painting directly on the resist may cause it to dissolve and fill in. There are two options when it comes to color:\\nSilk paints are pigment-based products that color the surface of the fabric, but do not penetrate into the fabric's fiber. These colors can be used on a wide variety of fabrics (including synthetics) and are set with a dry iron\\nSilk dyes color fabric by forming a bond with the fibers in the fabric. These are a wonderful choice if you do not want to diminish the natural luster of silk. Colors are light-fast and washable.\\n3-6. Allow your painted silk to set for 24 hours.\\nIf you have opted for silk paints, heat-set the color by applying the iron for 2-3 minutes on the back side of the fabric. After ironing, rinse the silk in warm water, hang to dry, and iron again while still slightly damp.\\nIf you used silk dyes, after allowing the color to dry for 24 hours, rinse the fabric until the water runs clear. Add a couple of drops of light detergent or dish soap to a bucket or tub and wash the silk. Rinse again with cool water, and hang to dry. When the silk is almost dry, apply a dry iron heated to the \\\"silk\\\" setting.\\nTips\\nIf you place your dyes in applicator bottles (with tips) you can apply multiple dyes at once.\\nIf you want a solid line, use beeswax. If you want a crackling effect use a 3:2 mix of beeswax and paraffin.\\nWarnings\\nUse a respirator when using dyes that produce fumes. Working in a well-ventilated area is also highly recommended.\\nIf your batik wax catches fire, do NOT try to douse the flames with water! Water will spread the fire. Instead, use a fire extinguisher or baking soda.\\nWear gloves to protect your hands from the dye. Some dyes can harm your skin and all dyes will stain your hands.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Batik is a Javanese method of producing designs on fabric by using a wax resist. Once the fabric is painted with wax designs, it is placed in a dye bath where only the areas with no wax are dyed. Batik masters can produce complex designs by layering colors and using cracks in the wax to produce fine detail lines. Even if you are not a master, you can get some great effects using just a few materials and a creative spirit.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Batiking Basics\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Prewash your fabrics.\", \"描述\": \"Use hot water to wash the fabrics in a detergent (such as Synthrapol) to remove chemicals and impurities that can affect dyes.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Dye your fabrics in base colors.\", \"描述\": \"These base colors are the colors that will show under the wax resist.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Melt your batik wax.\", \"描述\": \"Batik wax comes in a brick that needs to be melted in either an electric wax pot or double boiler.\\nUse caution with hot wax. Do not heat it above 240° as it could begin to emit fumes or even catch fire.\\nIt is not recommended that you heat wax on the stove top. Wax pots and double boilers heat the wax slowly and at a lower heat.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Stretch your fabric on an embroidery hoop.\", \"描述\": \"The hoop will keep the fabric taught and stable, allowing you to apply wax with greater precision.\\nIf you are applying designs to large swaths of fabric, you can lay newsprint or cardboard on your work surface without stretching it on a hoop. The wax will penetrate through the fabric, so a protective surface underneath is highly recommended.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Begin to apply the wax with your tools.\", \"描述\": \"Various tools will yield different line qualities, so some experimentation beforehand is recommended.\\nUse a single-spouted tjanting tool to draw thin lines and designs. It is a standard tool that is very versatile and comes in a variety of spout sizes.\\nA double-spouted tjanting tool creates parallel lines and can also be used in filling larger areas.\\nBrushes can also be used to cover large areas. They can be used traditionally, in broad strokes, or as a stippling tool for a dot pattern.\\nUse stamps for the application of uniform shapes. Stamps can be made of anything that can take the heat of the wax. Try carving a potato into a shape, or using the end of a celery stalk to stamp out half circles.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Regulate your wax temperature.\", \"描述\": \"The wax should be hot enough to penetrate through the fabric, but not be so hot and thin that it spreads when applied. The wax will be clear if it has penetrated to the other side of the fabric.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Get ready to tub-dye your fabric.\", \"描述\": \"When considering which dye colors to use, it is recommended that you begin with the lightest colors first (like yellow) and then move towards darker colors.\\nWash your fabric in Synthrapol.\\nDissolve your dye by following instructions on the package. Some dyes (like reds) are harder to dissolve than other.\\nAdd in the appropriate amount of non-iodized salt. For a 1/2 pound of dry fabric, add in 1 1/2 cups of salt. For a pound of fabric, use 3 cups of salt.\\nAdd in your damp fabric. Stir gently, but frequently for 20 minutes.\\nMix up your soda ash. Soda ash, or sodium carbonate, is used to bond the dye to the cellulose in fiber. Dissolve the ash in warm water and add it into the tub slowly (over the course of 15 minutes), being careful not to dump it directly onto the fabric (which could cause discoloration). For each 1/2 pound of dry fabric, add in 1/6 cups of salt. For a pound of fabric, use 1/3 cups of salt. Stir gently, but frequently for another 30 minutes.\\nRinse you fabric and wash out excess dye. Run cool water over your fabric until it runs clear. Then wash it in hot water using Synthrapol. With some darker colors, like red or brown, a second washing may be necessary to remove all excess dye. Allow the fabric to dry.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Repeat another application of wax to add more layers of color and design.\", \"描述\": \"With every additional layer you wish to add, follow the steps for tub dyeing. Remember to tub dye your darkest colors last.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Remove the wax.\", \"描述\": \"When you are done with all the color dyeing, you may remove the wax in one of two ways:\\nBoil the wax out. Fill a pot large enough to hold your fabric with water and a few drops of Synthrapol. Once the water begins to boil, add in your fabric and weigh it down with a rock to keep the wax (which will be floating at the top) from re-bonding with the fabric. After a few minutes, the wax will pull out of the fabric. After all the wax appears to be out of the fabric, allow the pot to cool completely, and peel the wax layer from the top of the pot.\\nIron the wax out. Place the fabric between two sheets of absorbent paper and run the iron over the sandwiched fabric. The wax can leave behind a residue, so use care to ensure the wax is removed. Periodically changing out the papers can aid in wax removal.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Wash and dry your fabric.\", \"描述\": \"Throw your fabric into the washing machine with Synthrapol one last time to ensure all of the dyes have been released. Dry your fabric either on a line, or in the dryer. All batiked!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Batiking Without Wax\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Spread the plastic on your work surface.\", \"描述\": \"Lay your pre-washed and pre-dyed fabric over the overlapped sheets of plastic wrap.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Create designs using the washable resist medium.\", \"描述\": \"As with traditional batiking, you may use the single or double-spouted tjanting tool to create thin lines for designs. Use paint brushes to cover larger areas with the medium. Allow the medium to dry for approximately 30 minutes, though exact dry time depends on how thickly the medium was applied.\\nConsider using stamps dipped in the medium to create a repeat pattern. You can use a stencil by placing it down on the fabric and dabbing the medium around it with a foam brush.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Mix up your liquid dye.\", \"描述\": \"Follow the instructions on the package to mix up the dye. If you are using a liquid dye, adjusting the water-to-dye ratio can create softer (add more water) or more vivid colors (add more dye).\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Apply the dye.\", \"描述\": \"Dyes can be dribbled, painted, sprayed, or dabbed on. Consider mixing two or more colors together to create color variations.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Cover the fabric with plastic wrap.\", \"描述\": \"Once you have finished with your dye application, cover the fabric with plastic wrap and seal the edges.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Nuke your fabric.\", \"描述\": \"Place paper towels on the bottom of the microwave oven to protect against spills. Place your plastic-covered fabric in the microwave oven (you may need to fold the fabric) and cook on high for 2 minutes.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Remove the fabric from the microwave.\", \"描述\": \"Using thick rubber gloves, carefully remove the fabric from the microwave oven. The fabric will be hot, so use caution! Allow the fabric to cool for a few minutes before removing the plastic.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Wash and dry your fabric.\", \"描述\": \"Rinse your fabric under cool water until it runs clear. After you've removed the initial dye, wash the fabric in warm water with a mild detergent, and rinse. Dry your fabric.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Batiking Silk (Alternate Method)\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Prewash your silk.\", \"描述\": \"Add a drop or two of liquid dish soap to a tub or bucket of water. Rinse and dry your fabric. While still slightly damp, press your fabric with an iron set to the \\\"silk\\\" setting.\\nIf you wish to sketch out a design instead of painting it freehand, this would be done after ironing.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Stretch your silk.\", \"描述\": \"Apply safety pins connected to rubber bands around the edges of your silk--every 4–6 inches (10.2–15.2 cm). Lay your silk over the frame and begin to apply push pins to the frame. The rubber bands will hook around push pins set into the frame to create a taut trampoline.\\nThe rubber bands should be small enough to maintain good tension, but long enough to as to avoid tearing the fabric.\\nYou can link two rubber bands together to create longer ones if your frame is much larger than the piece of silk.\\nThe goal is to create a taut surface on which to paint. The surface should be taut, but should not be too tight that it begins to tear.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Elevate your frame.\", \"描述\": \"Place 4 plastic cups or containers under the frame to raise it off the work surface.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Apply your resist.\", \"描述\": \"The resist can be applied with a paint brush, or through the narrow spout of an applicator bottle. Allow the resist to dry completely before moving on to color. Depending on preference, there are two type of resists that work well for silk painting:\\nRubber based resists, or guttae, are similar in consistency to rubber cement and can be diluted to a thin consistency useful for drawing finer lines. After the color has been set, they are removed by dry-cleaning the finished fabric. The downside of this resist is the fumes it produces. It is recommended that you use a respirator in a well-ventilated area when applying rubber based gutta.\\nWater soluble resists are non-toxic, odorless, and wash away in warm water. These resists work well in conjunction with silk paints (as opposed to dyes), which are heat set with heat. The downside to this resist is that it's not as free-flowing as other guttae, and fine details are harder to achieve.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Apply your color.\", \"描述\": \"Carefully apply your dye or paint with a brush. Allow the color to flow towards an area of resist. Painting directly on the resist may cause it to dissolve and fill in. There are two options when it comes to color:\\nSilk paints are pigment-based products that color the surface of the fabric, but do not penetrate into the fabric's fiber. These colors can be used on a wide variety of fabrics (including synthetics) and are set with a dry iron\\nSilk dyes color fabric by forming a bond with the fibers in the fabric. These are a wonderful choice if you do not want to diminish the natural luster of silk. Colors are light-fast and washable.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Allow your painted silk to set for 24 hours.\", \"描述\": \"If you have opted for silk paints, heat-set the color by applying the iron for 2-3 minutes on the back side of the fabric. After ironing, rinse the silk in warm water, hang to dry, and iron again while still slightly damp.\\nIf you used silk dyes, after allowing the color to dry for 24 hours, rinse the fabric until the water runs clear. Add a couple of drops of light detergent or dish soap to a bucket or tub and wash the silk. Rinse again with cool water, and hang to dry. When the silk is almost dry, apply a dry iron heated to the \\\"silk\\\" setting.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"If you place your dyes in applicator bottles (with tips) you can apply multiple dyes at once.\\n\", \"If you want a solid line, use beeswax. If you want a crackling effect use a 3:2 mix of beeswax and paraffin.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Use a respirator when using dyes that produce fumes. Working in a well-ventilated area is also highly recommended.\\n\", \"If your batik wax catches fire, do NOT try to douse the flames with water! Water will spread the fire. Instead, use a fire extinguisher or baking soda.\\n\", \"Wear gloves to protect your hands from the dye. Some dyes can harm your skin and all dyes will stain your hands.\\n\"]}]}}",
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3,520 | What Does "Batting an Eye" Mean? | 1. What does “batting an eye” mean?
1-1. "Without batting an eye" refers to someone who's not bothered by a certain situation.
You might have heard it to describe someone who's not shocked or upset. Usually, it means the person doesn't react emotionally to a specific event or situation.
For example, you could say, "He didn't bat an eye when I asked him to take me to the emergency room," or, "He left the office without batting an eye after he'd been fired."
"Not bat an eyelid," "Not bat an eyelash," and "Not blink an eye," are also ways to say this phrase.
1-2. "Bat your eyes" or "bat your eyelashes" highlight flirty behavior.
If someone opens and closes their eyes several times very quickly, they're trying to look attractive. You might see this behavior with someone who's flirting, or you may come across this behavior when you're reading.
For instance, you could say, "She batted her eyes at him until he walked across the room to her," or, "He blushed and batted his eyes when she complimented him."
You may also see this phrase used as "bat your eyes," or "bat her/his/their eyes."
2. How do I use "batting an eye" in conversation?
2-1. Use "without batting an eye" to describe when someone reacts without emotion.
People use this phrase in situations where someone would usually be surprised, shocked, or upset. For instance, if a woman learns of her husband's affair and reacts calmly, you could say she told you about it "without batting an eye." Here are a few other examples:
"The soldier sacrificed himself without batting an eye."
"The suspect didn't bat an eye when he was arrested."
"When I told her I wanted to break up, she didn't bat an eye. She just walked away."
2-2. Use "batting your eyes" to describe someone who's being flirtatious.
Maybe you're at a party and someone's trying to chat you up. You could tell a friend that the person was "batting her eyes" at you to try to get your attention.
"She kept batting her eyes at me, so I plan on asking her out."
3. Where did "batting an eye" come from?
3-1. The earliest origins might be from a 17th-century book on falconry.
In 1614, Simon Latham wrote a book about hunting with trained birds of prey. He described how birds beat or flutter their wings when they hunt. He called this batting, which means fluttering. At its simplest, batting means blinking, as in "without blinking an eye."
3-2. The phrase changed to become a flirty American phrase in the 1880s.
For much of England in the 19th-century, bat meant to blink or wink. Then, toward the end of the century, Americans started using "batting an eye" to mean flirty behavior.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:15",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. What does “batting an eye” mean?\\n1-1. \\\"Without batting an eye\\\" refers to someone who's not bothered by a certain situation.\\nYou might have heard it to describe someone who's not shocked or upset. Usually, it means the person doesn't react emotionally to a specific event or situation.\\nFor example, you could say, \\\"He didn't bat an eye when I asked him to take me to the emergency room,\\\" or, \\\"He left the office without batting an eye after he'd been fired.\\\"\\n\\\"Not bat an eyelid,\\\" \\\"Not bat an eyelash,\\\" and \\\"Not blink an eye,\\\" are also ways to say this phrase.\\n1-2. \\\"Bat your eyes\\\" or \\\"bat your eyelashes\\\" highlight flirty behavior.\\nIf someone opens and closes their eyes several times very quickly, they're trying to look attractive. You might see this behavior with someone who's flirting, or you may come across this behavior when you're reading.\\nFor instance, you could say, \\\"She batted her eyes at him until he walked across the room to her,\\\" or, \\\"He blushed and batted his eyes when she complimented him.\\\"\\nYou may also see this phrase used as \\\"bat your eyes,\\\" or \\\"bat her/his/their eyes.\\\"\\n2. How do I use \\\"batting an eye\\\" in conversation?\\n2-1. Use \\\"without batting an eye\\\" to describe when someone reacts without emotion.\\nPeople use this phrase in situations where someone would usually be surprised, shocked, or upset. For instance, if a woman learns of her husband's affair and reacts calmly, you could say she told you about it \\\"without batting an eye.\\\" Here are a few other examples:\\n\\\"The soldier sacrificed himself without batting an eye.\\\"\\n\\\"The suspect didn't bat an eye when he was arrested.\\\"\\n\\\"When I told her I wanted to break up, she didn't bat an eye. She just walked away.\\\"\\n2-2. Use \\\"batting your eyes\\\" to describe someone who's being flirtatious.\\nMaybe you're at a party and someone's trying to chat you up. You could tell a friend that the person was \\\"batting her eyes\\\" at you to try to get your attention.\\n\\\"She kept batting her eyes at me, so I plan on asking her out.\\\"\\n3. Where did \\\"batting an eye\\\" come from?\\n3-1. The earliest origins might be from a 17th-century book on falconry.\\nIn 1614, Simon Latham wrote a book about hunting with trained birds of prey. He described how birds beat or flutter their wings when they hunt. He called this batting, which means fluttering. At its simplest, batting means blinking, as in \\\"without blinking an eye.\\\"\\n3-2. The phrase changed to become a flirty American phrase in the 1880s.\\nFor much of England in the 19th-century, bat meant to blink or wink. Then, toward the end of the century, Americans started using \\\"batting an eye\\\" to mean flirty behavior.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Someone's just said \\\"without batting an eye,\\\" but you're not sure what they meant. It is an odd expression and it can mean a few different things, but don't worry. We'll go over everything you need to know about this unique phrase, so you can figure out exactly what it means in your situation.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"What does “batting an eye” mean?\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"\\\"Without batting an eye\\\" refers to someone who's not bothered by a certain situation.\", \"描述\": \"You might have heard it to describe someone who's not shocked or upset. Usually, it means the person doesn't react emotionally to a specific event or situation.\\nFor example, you could say, \\\"He didn't bat an eye when I asked him to take me to the emergency room,\\\" or, \\\"He left the office without batting an eye after he'd been fired.\\\"\\n\\\"Not bat an eyelid,\\\" \\\"Not bat an eyelash,\\\" and \\\"Not blink an eye,\\\" are also ways to say this phrase.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"\\\"Bat your eyes\\\" or \\\"bat your eyelashes\\\" highlight flirty behavior.\", \"描述\": \"If someone opens and closes their eyes several times very quickly, they're trying to look attractive. You might see this behavior with someone who's flirting, or you may come across this behavior when you're reading.\\nFor instance, you could say, \\\"She batted her eyes at him until he walked across the room to her,\\\" or, \\\"He blushed and batted his eyes when she complimented him.\\\"\\nYou may also see this phrase used as \\\"bat your eyes,\\\" or \\\"bat her/his/their eyes.\\\"\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"How do I use \\\"batting an eye\\\" in conversation?\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Use \\\"without batting an eye\\\" to describe when someone reacts without emotion.\", \"描述\": \"People use this phrase in situations where someone would usually be surprised, shocked, or upset. For instance, if a woman learns of her husband's affair and reacts calmly, you could say she told you about it \\\"without batting an eye.\\\" Here are a few other examples:\\n\\\"The soldier sacrificed himself without batting an eye.\\\"\\n\\\"The suspect didn't bat an eye when he was arrested.\\\"\\n\\\"When I told her I wanted to break up, she didn't bat an eye. She just walked away.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Use \\\"batting your eyes\\\" to describe someone who's being flirtatious.\", \"描述\": \"Maybe you're at a party and someone's trying to chat you up. You could tell a friend that the person was \\\"batting her eyes\\\" at you to try to get your attention.\\n\\\"She kept batting her eyes at me, so I plan on asking her out.\\\"\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Where did \\\"batting an eye\\\" come from?\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"The earliest origins might be from a 17th-century book on falconry.\", \"描述\": \"In 1614, Simon Latham wrote a book about hunting with trained birds of prey. He described how birds beat or flutter their wings when they hunt. He called this batting, which means fluttering. At its simplest, batting means blinking, as in \\\"without blinking an eye.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"The phrase changed to become a flirty American phrase in the 1880s.\", \"描述\": \"For much of England in the 19th-century, bat meant to blink or wink. Then, toward the end of the century, Americans started using \\\"batting an eye\\\" to mean flirty behavior.\"}]}]}}",
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3,521 | How to Bavarian Crochet | 1. Bavarian Crochet in the Round[1]
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1-1. Chain six and join.
Attach the yarn to your hook using a slip knot, then work a foundation of six chain stitches. Join the first and last chain stitch together with a slip stitch, forming a ring.
1-2. Work a double treble shell into the center of the ring.
You'll need to work a series of chain stitches, double crochets, and double treble crochets into the center of the ring to form the first shell of the first round.
Chain stitch four times.
Work one double treble crochet into the center of the ring. There should be one stitch left on your hook after completing the double treble crochet.
Work three more double treble crochets into the center of the ring. Leave the last stitch of each double treble on the crochet hook so that there are four loops on your hook when finished.
Yarn over the hook, then pull the yarn-over through all the loops. You should be left with one loop on your hook when done.
Lock this shell in place by working one chain stitch.
Chain four from the loop on your hook.
Double crochet once into the center of the ring.
1-3. Create four more double treble shells.
Follow the exact same procedure used to create the first treble shell three more times.
You should have a total of four shells in the first round. Once you complete the final shell, the first round is finished.
1-4. Double treble crochet into the locking chain.
Work two chain stitches, then double treble crochet 12 times into the locking chain of the first shell in your first round.
This step begins the second round.
You should be able to spot the locking chain in the valley between shells.
1-5. Double crochet into the previous round.
Work two chain stitches, then work one double crochet into the first double crochet of your previous round.
This step completes the first shell of the second round.
1-6. Create three more shells.
Follow the same steps used to create the first second round shell three more times.
For each shell: chain two, double treble crochet 12 times into the locking chain, chain two, and double crochet once into the double crochet space.
When finished, you should have a total of four shells in the second round. This will complete your second round.
1-7. Fasten off the yarn.
Cut the yarn, leaving a tail roughly 2 inches (5 cm) long. Pull this yarn through the loop on your hook to fasten it off.
The first two rounds are worked in one color, but the next two rounds will need to be worked in a second color.
1-8. Join your second color.
Attach your second color of yarn to any of the second round shells, placing it in between the eighth and ninth double trebles of the 12-double-treble cluster.
Attach the yarn to your hook with a slipknot.
Insert the hook through the eighth and ninth double treble stitches.
Yarn over from the back.
Pull this yarn-over through to the front of the work, then through the bottom loop on your hook. The yarn should now be fastened in place.
1-9. Create a connecting shell between two shells of the previous round.
For the third round, you will need to begin by creating a double treble shell that span across the first two shells of your second round.
Chain four.
Double treble crochet once into the back bar of each of the next four double treble crochets of your first second-round shell. Leave the last loop on the hook after each stitch.
Double treble crochet once into each of four matching double treble crochets in the next second-round shell. Leave the last loop on the hook after each stitch. After the last one, you should have eight loops on your hook.
Yarn over and pull the yarn-over through all eight loops on your hook, creating an eight-double-treble shell.
Chain one to lock the shell cluster.
Chain four.
Double crochet once into the space between the last double treble you worked into and the next double treble.
1-10. Form a double treble shell over the top of the next shell.
The next thing you need to do is to create a smaller shell on top of the rounded edge of the second-round shell you're currently positioned over.
Chain four.
Double treble crochet once around the back bar of each of the next four double trebles from the previous round. Leave the last loop on your hook after each stitch.
Yarn over the hook.
Pull this yarn-over through all four loops on your hook, creating a four-double-treble group.
Chain one to lock the shell group in place.
Chain four.
Double crochet once into the next double treble of the previous round.
1-11. Alternate back and forth between both round-three shells.
Complete the third round by working three more sets of shells, following the same procedure used to create the first set.
Each set should start with a shell that crosses between two previous round shells, and end with a shell that sits on top of one previous round shell.
By the end of the round, you should have a total of four shell sets or eight separate shells.
1-12. Work a shell into the gap.
You're now ready to star the fourth round of Bavarian crochet. As with the rounds before it, this round consists of double treble shells.
Work eight double treble crochets into the next locking chain.
Work one double crochet into the next double crochet of the previous round.
Double treble crochet 12 times into the locking chain of the next four double treble groups from the previous round.
Double crochet once into the next double crochet of the previous round.
1-13. Repeat around the entire perimeter.
Follow the same shell procedure completed in the previous step around the entire perimeter of the third round.
Once you work your way back to the start of the fourth round, the fourth round is complete.
1-14. Fasten off the yarn.
Cut the yarn, leaving a tail measuring 2 inches (5 cm) long. Pull this tail through the loop on your hook to fasten off the work.
You've technically completed the Bavarian crochet at this point. You can end your project here or continue on until your work reaches its desired size.
If you choose to continue on, repeat rounds three and four around the perimeter of the work until you are satisfied with the final size.
When you finish, weave the excess tails into the back stitches of your work to hide them.
2. Bavarian Crochet in Rows[2]
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2-1. Work a foundation chain.
Attach the yarn to your hook using a slip knot, then work a foundation of chain stitches in multiples of 10.
In other words, the foundation chain can consist of 10 chains, 20 chains, 30 chains, 40 chains, 50 chains, etc.
The length of your foundation chain will be the final length of your project.
At the end of your foundation chain, work two more chain stitches to serve as a turning chain for your next row.
2-2. Half double crochet at the start of the next row.
Half double crochet once into the second chain from your hook.
When counting chains, do not count the loop currently on your hook.
2-3. Create the first shell.
To create the first shell of your first official row, you will need to work a series of treble crochets and half double crochets.
Skip four chains in your foundation.
Work nine treble crochets into the fifth chain.
Skip another four chains in your foundation.
Half double crochet once into the next chain.
2-4. Work additional shells across the row.
Repeat the previous step across the full length of your foundation, stopping only once you reach the end of the row.
This completes the first official row.
If desired, you can change yarn colors after the end of your first row. Doing so is not necessary, though.
2-5. Front post treble crochet at the start of the next row.
Chain three, then work one treble crochet into the front posts of each of the next four stitches. Keep the last loop of each treble crochet on the hook.
After the last treble crochet, yarn over the hook and pull the yarn-over through all the loops on the hook.
Chain four again.
Work one half double crochet into the next stitch in the previous row.
2-6. Create treble clusters along the entire row.
Work a series of treble clusters, chains, and half double crochets across the entire second row, stopping before you work the last five stitches.
For each group:
Chain four.
Work a front post treble crochet into each of the next four stitches, leaving the last loop on the hook after each one. Half double crochet once, then work another four treble crochets across the next four stitches. Leave the last loop on the hook after each stitch, then yarn over and pull it through the all the loops on your hook after the final stitch. This counts as a nine-stitch shell cluster.
Chain four.
Work one half double crochet into the front post of the next stitch.
2-7. Work a partial cluster at the end of the row.
Chain four, then work a treble crochet into the front posts of each of the final five stitches in the row, keeping the last loop on the hook for each one.
Yarn over and pull through all the loops after completing the last one.
This completes the row. Chain four, then turn the work over.
2-8. Work treble clusters and half double crochets across the third row.
Work four treble crochets into the top of the first cluster, then half double crochet once into the next half double crochet.
Create connecting shells across the entire row, stopping just before the last cluster. For each connecting shell:
Work nine treble crochets into the center of the next cluster.
Half double crochet into the next half double crochet.
For the final cluster of the row, work five treble crochets into the top of the cluster.
You can change colors at the end of this row or keep going with the color you currently have.
At the end of this row, you should also chain one and turn the work over.
2-9. Create nine-stitch cluster shells across the fourth row.
Work one half double crochet into the first stitch, then work a series of nine-stitch cluster shells across the rest of the row until you reach the end and finish the row.
For each group:
Chain four.
Work a nine-stitch shell cluster over the next nine stitches, following the same procedure used to make the nine-stitch shell clusters in your second row.
Chain four.
Work one half double crochet into the next stitch.
At the very end of the row, chain one and turn the work over.
2-10. Connect the shells across the fifth row.
At the start of the fifth row, half double crochet into the first half double crochet stitch. Work across the rest of the row using a series of treble crochets and half double crochets.
For each connecting shell:
Work nine treble crochets into the center of the first cluster.
Half double crochet into the next half double crochet.
Continue until you reach the end of the row.
If desired, change colors at the end of this row.
2-11. Repeat as needed.
You've completed a full set of Bavarian crochet at this point. Repeat rows two, three, four, and five until the project reaches your desired width.
If you're changing colors, do so at the end of each odd numbered row.
2-12. Fasten off.
When your project is finished, cut the yarn, leaving a tail 2 to 4 inches (5 to 10 cm) long. Pull this tail through the loop on your hook to fasten off and finish the work.
Weave the secured tail into the back of the work to hide it.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:15",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Bavarian Crochet in the Round[1]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n1-1. Chain six and join.\\nAttach the yarn to your hook using a slip knot, then work a foundation of six chain stitches. Join the first and last chain stitch together with a slip stitch, forming a ring.\\n1-2. Work a double treble shell into the center of the ring.\\nYou'll need to work a series of chain stitches, double crochets, and double treble crochets into the center of the ring to form the first shell of the first round.\\nChain stitch four times.\\nWork one double treble crochet into the center of the ring. There should be one stitch left on your hook after completing the double treble crochet.\\nWork three more double treble crochets into the center of the ring. Leave the last stitch of each double treble on the crochet hook so that there are four loops on your hook when finished.\\nYarn over the hook, then pull the yarn-over through all the loops. You should be left with one loop on your hook when done.\\nLock this shell in place by working one chain stitch.\\nChain four from the loop on your hook.\\nDouble crochet once into the center of the ring.\\n1-3. Create four more double treble shells.\\nFollow the exact same procedure used to create the first treble shell three more times.\\nYou should have a total of four shells in the first round. Once you complete the final shell, the first round is finished.\\n1-4. Double treble crochet into the locking chain.\\nWork two chain stitches, then double treble crochet 12 times into the locking chain of the first shell in your first round.\\nThis step begins the second round.\\nYou should be able to spot the locking chain in the valley between shells.\\n1-5. Double crochet into the previous round.\\nWork two chain stitches, then work one double crochet into the first double crochet of your previous round.\\nThis step completes the first shell of the second round.\\n1-6. Create three more shells.\\nFollow the same steps used to create the first second round shell three more times.\\nFor each shell: chain two, double treble crochet 12 times into the locking chain, chain two, and double crochet once into the double crochet space.\\nWhen finished, you should have a total of four shells in the second round. This will complete your second round.\\n1-7. Fasten off the yarn.\\nCut the yarn, leaving a tail roughly 2 inches (5 cm) long. Pull this yarn through the loop on your hook to fasten it off.\\nThe first two rounds are worked in one color, but the next two rounds will need to be worked in a second color.\\n1-8. Join your second color.\\nAttach your second color of yarn to any of the second round shells, placing it in between the eighth and ninth double trebles of the 12-double-treble cluster.\\nAttach the yarn to your hook with a slipknot.\\nInsert the hook through the eighth and ninth double treble stitches.\\nYarn over from the back.\\nPull this yarn-over through to the front of the work, then through the bottom loop on your hook. The yarn should now be fastened in place.\\n1-9. Create a connecting shell between two shells of the previous round.\\nFor the third round, you will need to begin by creating a double treble shell that span across the first two shells of your second round.\\nChain four.\\nDouble treble crochet once into the back bar of each of the next four double treble crochets of your first second-round shell. Leave the last loop on the hook after each stitch.\\nDouble treble crochet once into each of four matching double treble crochets in the next second-round shell. Leave the last loop on the hook after each stitch. After the last one, you should have eight loops on your hook.\\nYarn over and pull the yarn-over through all eight loops on your hook, creating an eight-double-treble shell.\\nChain one to lock the shell cluster.\\nChain four.\\nDouble crochet once into the space between the last double treble you worked into and the next double treble.\\n1-10. Form a double treble shell over the top of the next shell.\\nThe next thing you need to do is to create a smaller shell on top of the rounded edge of the second-round shell you're currently positioned over.\\nChain four.\\nDouble treble crochet once around the back bar of each of the next four double trebles from the previous round. Leave the last loop on your hook after each stitch.\\nYarn over the hook.\\nPull this yarn-over through all four loops on your hook, creating a four-double-treble group.\\nChain one to lock the shell group in place.\\nChain four.\\nDouble crochet once into the next double treble of the previous round.\\n1-11. Alternate back and forth between both round-three shells.\\nComplete the third round by working three more sets of shells, following the same procedure used to create the first set.\\nEach set should start with a shell that crosses between two previous round shells, and end with a shell that sits on top of one previous round shell.\\nBy the end of the round, you should have a total of four shell sets or eight separate shells.\\n1-12. Work a shell into the gap.\\nYou're now ready to star the fourth round of Bavarian crochet. As with the rounds before it, this round consists of double treble shells.\\nWork eight double treble crochets into the next locking chain.\\nWork one double crochet into the next double crochet of the previous round.\\nDouble treble crochet 12 times into the locking chain of the next four double treble groups from the previous round.\\nDouble crochet once into the next double crochet of the previous round.\\n1-13. Repeat around the entire perimeter.\\nFollow the same shell procedure completed in the previous step around the entire perimeter of the third round.\\nOnce you work your way back to the start of the fourth round, the fourth round is complete.\\n1-14. Fasten off the yarn.\\nCut the yarn, leaving a tail measuring 2 inches (5 cm) long. Pull this tail through the loop on your hook to fasten off the work.\\nYou've technically completed the Bavarian crochet at this point. You can end your project here or continue on until your work reaches its desired size.\\nIf you choose to continue on, repeat rounds three and four around the perimeter of the work until you are satisfied with the final size.\\nWhen you finish, weave the excess tails into the back stitches of your work to hide them.\\n2. Bavarian Crochet in Rows[2]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n2-1. Work a foundation chain.\\nAttach the yarn to your hook using a slip knot, then work a foundation of chain stitches in multiples of 10.\\nIn other words, the foundation chain can consist of 10 chains, 20 chains, 30 chains, 40 chains, 50 chains, etc.\\nThe length of your foundation chain will be the final length of your project.\\nAt the end of your foundation chain, work two more chain stitches to serve as a turning chain for your next row.\\n2-2. Half double crochet at the start of the next row.\\nHalf double crochet once into the second chain from your hook.\\nWhen counting chains, do not count the loop currently on your hook.\\n2-3. Create the first shell.\\nTo create the first shell of your first official row, you will need to work a series of treble crochets and half double crochets.\\nSkip four chains in your foundation.\\nWork nine treble crochets into the fifth chain.\\nSkip another four chains in your foundation.\\nHalf double crochet once into the next chain.\\n2-4. Work additional shells across the row.\\nRepeat the previous step across the full length of your foundation, stopping only once you reach the end of the row.\\nThis completes the first official row.\\nIf desired, you can change yarn colors after the end of your first row. Doing so is not necessary, though.\\n2-5. Front post treble crochet at the start of the next row.\\nChain three, then work one treble crochet into the front posts of each of the next four stitches. Keep the last loop of each treble crochet on the hook.\\nAfter the last treble crochet, yarn over the hook and pull the yarn-over through all the loops on the hook.\\nChain four again.\\nWork one half double crochet into the next stitch in the previous row.\\n2-6. Create treble clusters along the entire row.\\nWork a series of treble clusters, chains, and half double crochets across the entire second row, stopping before you work the last five stitches.\\nFor each group:\\nChain four.\\nWork a front post treble crochet into each of the next four stitches, leaving the last loop on the hook after each one. Half double crochet once, then work another four treble crochets across the next four stitches. Leave the last loop on the hook after each stitch, then yarn over and pull it through the all the loops on your hook after the final stitch. This counts as a nine-stitch shell cluster.\\nChain four.\\nWork one half double crochet into the front post of the next stitch.\\n2-7. Work a partial cluster at the end of the row.\\nChain four, then work a treble crochet into the front posts of each of the final five stitches in the row, keeping the last loop on the hook for each one.\\nYarn over and pull through all the loops after completing the last one.\\nThis completes the row. Chain four, then turn the work over.\\n2-8. Work treble clusters and half double crochets across the third row.\\nWork four treble crochets into the top of the first cluster, then half double crochet once into the next half double crochet.\\nCreate connecting shells across the entire row, stopping just before the last cluster. For each connecting shell:\\nWork nine treble crochets into the center of the next cluster.\\nHalf double crochet into the next half double crochet.\\n\\nFor the final cluster of the row, work five treble crochets into the top of the cluster.\\nYou can change colors at the end of this row or keep going with the color you currently have.\\nAt the end of this row, you should also chain one and turn the work over.\\n2-9. Create nine-stitch cluster shells across the fourth row.\\nWork one half double crochet into the first stitch, then work a series of nine-stitch cluster shells across the rest of the row until you reach the end and finish the row.\\nFor each group:\\nChain four.\\nWork a nine-stitch shell cluster over the next nine stitches, following the same procedure used to make the nine-stitch shell clusters in your second row.\\nChain four.\\nWork one half double crochet into the next stitch.\\n\\nAt the very end of the row, chain one and turn the work over.\\n2-10. Connect the shells across the fifth row.\\nAt the start of the fifth row, half double crochet into the first half double crochet stitch. Work across the rest of the row using a series of treble crochets and half double crochets.\\nFor each connecting shell:\\nWork nine treble crochets into the center of the first cluster.\\nHalf double crochet into the next half double crochet.\\n\\nContinue until you reach the end of the row.\\nIf desired, change colors at the end of this row.\\n2-11. Repeat as needed.\\nYou've completed a full set of Bavarian crochet at this point. Repeat rows two, three, four, and five until the project reaches your desired width.\\nIf you're changing colors, do so at the end of each odd numbered row.\\n2-12. Fasten off.\\nWhen your project is finished, cut the yarn, leaving a tail 2 to 4 inches (5 to 10 cm) long. Pull this tail through the loop on your hook to fasten off and finish the work.\\nWeave the secured tail into the back of the work to hide it.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Bavarian crochet is an intermediate level technique that creates a thick, textured patch of yarn. It's traditionally worked in rounds, but you can also work Bavarian crochet in rows.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Bavarian Crochet in the Round[1]\\nX\\nResearch source\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Chain six and join.\", \"描述\": \"Attach the yarn to your hook using a slip knot, then work a foundation of six chain stitches. Join the first and last chain stitch together with a slip stitch, forming a ring.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Work a double treble shell into the center of the ring.\", \"描述\": \"You'll need to work a series of chain stitches, double crochets, and double treble crochets into the center of the ring to form the first shell of the first round.\\nChain stitch four times.\\nWork one double treble crochet into the center of the ring. There should be one stitch left on your hook after completing the double treble crochet.\\nWork three more double treble crochets into the center of the ring. Leave the last stitch of each double treble on the crochet hook so that there are four loops on your hook when finished.\\nYarn over the hook, then pull the yarn-over through all the loops. You should be left with one loop on your hook when done.\\nLock this shell in place by working one chain stitch.\\nChain four from the loop on your hook.\\nDouble crochet once into the center of the ring.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Create four more double treble shells.\", \"描述\": \"Follow the exact same procedure used to create the first treble shell three more times.\\nYou should have a total of four shells in the first round. Once you complete the final shell, the first round is finished.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Double treble crochet into the locking chain.\", \"描述\": \"Work two chain stitches, then double treble crochet 12 times into the locking chain of the first shell in your first round.\\nThis step begins the second round.\\nYou should be able to spot the locking chain in the valley between shells.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Double crochet into the previous round.\", \"描述\": \"Work two chain stitches, then work one double crochet into the first double crochet of your previous round.\\nThis step completes the first shell of the second round.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Create three more shells.\", \"描述\": \"Follow the same steps used to create the first second round shell three more times.\\nFor each shell: chain two, double treble crochet 12 times into the locking chain, chain two, and double crochet once into the double crochet space.\\nWhen finished, you should have a total of four shells in the second round. This will complete your second round.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Fasten off the yarn.\", \"描述\": \"Cut the yarn, leaving a tail roughly 2 inches (5 cm) long. Pull this yarn through the loop on your hook to fasten it off.\\nThe first two rounds are worked in one color, but the next two rounds will need to be worked in a second color.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Join your second color.\", \"描述\": \"Attach your second color of yarn to any of the second round shells, placing it in between the eighth and ninth double trebles of the 12-double-treble cluster.\\nAttach the yarn to your hook with a slipknot.\\nInsert the hook through the eighth and ninth double treble stitches.\\nYarn over from the back.\\nPull this yarn-over through to the front of the work, then through the bottom loop on your hook. The yarn should now be fastened in place.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Create a connecting shell between two shells of the previous round.\", \"描述\": \"For the third round, you will need to begin by creating a double treble shell that span across the first two shells of your second round.\\nChain four.\\nDouble treble crochet once into the back bar of each of the next four double treble crochets of your first second-round shell. Leave the last loop on the hook after each stitch.\\nDouble treble crochet once into each of four matching double treble crochets in the next second-round shell. Leave the last loop on the hook after each stitch. After the last one, you should have eight loops on your hook.\\nYarn over and pull the yarn-over through all eight loops on your hook, creating an eight-double-treble shell.\\nChain one to lock the shell cluster.\\nChain four.\\nDouble crochet once into the space between the last double treble you worked into and the next double treble.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Form a double treble shell over the top of the next shell.\", \"描述\": \"The next thing you need to do is to create a smaller shell on top of the rounded edge of the second-round shell you're currently positioned over.\\nChain four.\\nDouble treble crochet once around the back bar of each of the next four double trebles from the previous round. Leave the last loop on your hook after each stitch.\\nYarn over the hook.\\nPull this yarn-over through all four loops on your hook, creating a four-double-treble group.\\nChain one to lock the shell group in place.\\nChain four.\\nDouble crochet once into the next double treble of the previous round.\"}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Alternate back and forth between both round-three shells.\", \"描述\": \"Complete the third round by working three more sets of shells, following the same procedure used to create the first set.\\nEach set should start with a shell that crosses between two previous round shells, and end with a shell that sits on top of one previous round shell.\\nBy the end of the round, you should have a total of four shell sets or eight separate shells.\"}, {\"编号\": 12, \"标题\": \"Work a shell into the gap.\", \"描述\": \"You're now ready to star the fourth round of Bavarian crochet. As with the rounds before it, this round consists of double treble shells.\\nWork eight double treble crochets into the next locking chain.\\nWork one double crochet into the next double crochet of the previous round.\\nDouble treble crochet 12 times into the locking chain of the next four double treble groups from the previous round.\\nDouble crochet once into the next double crochet of the previous round.\"}, {\"编号\": 13, \"标题\": \"Repeat around the entire perimeter.\", \"描述\": \"Follow the same shell procedure completed in the previous step around the entire perimeter of the third round.\\nOnce you work your way back to the start of the fourth round, the fourth round is complete.\"}, {\"编号\": 14, \"标题\": \"Fasten off the yarn.\", \"描述\": \"Cut the yarn, leaving a tail measuring 2 inches (5 cm) long. Pull this tail through the loop on your hook to fasten off the work.\\nYou've technically completed the Bavarian crochet at this point. You can end your project here or continue on until your work reaches its desired size.\\nIf you choose to continue on, repeat rounds three and four around the perimeter of the work until you are satisfied with the final size.\\nWhen you finish, weave the excess tails into the back stitches of your work to hide them.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Bavarian Crochet in Rows[2]\\nX\\nResearch source\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Work a foundation chain.\", \"描述\": \"Attach the yarn to your hook using a slip knot, then work a foundation of chain stitches in multiples of 10.\\nIn other words, the foundation chain can consist of 10 chains, 20 chains, 30 chains, 40 chains, 50 chains, etc.\\nThe length of your foundation chain will be the final length of your project.\\nAt the end of your foundation chain, work two more chain stitches to serve as a turning chain for your next row.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Half double crochet at the start of the next row.\", \"描述\": \"Half double crochet once into the second chain from your hook.\\nWhen counting chains, do not count the loop currently on your hook.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Create the first shell.\", \"描述\": \"To create the first shell of your first official row, you will need to work a series of treble crochets and half double crochets.\\nSkip four chains in your foundation.\\nWork nine treble crochets into the fifth chain.\\nSkip another four chains in your foundation.\\nHalf double crochet once into the next chain.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Work additional shells across the row.\", \"描述\": \"Repeat the previous step across the full length of your foundation, stopping only once you reach the end of the row.\\nThis completes the first official row.\\nIf desired, you can change yarn colors after the end of your first row. Doing so is not necessary, though.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Front post treble crochet at the start of the next row.\", \"描述\": \"Chain three, then work one treble crochet into the front posts of each of the next four stitches. Keep the last loop of each treble crochet on the hook.\\nAfter the last treble crochet, yarn over the hook and pull the yarn-over through all the loops on the hook.\\nChain four again.\\nWork one half double crochet into the next stitch in the previous row.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Create treble clusters along the entire row.\", \"描述\": \"Work a series of treble clusters, chains, and half double crochets across the entire second row, stopping before you work the last five stitches.\\nFor each group:\\nChain four.\\nWork a front post treble crochet into each of the next four stitches, leaving the last loop on the hook after each one. Half double crochet once, then work another four treble crochets across the next four stitches. Leave the last loop on the hook after each stitch, then yarn over and pull it through the all the loops on your hook after the final stitch. This counts as a nine-stitch shell cluster.\\nChain four.\\nWork one half double crochet into the front post of the next stitch.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Work a partial cluster at the end of the row.\", \"描述\": \"Chain four, then work a treble crochet into the front posts of each of the final five stitches in the row, keeping the last loop on the hook for each one.\\nYarn over and pull through all the loops after completing the last one.\\nThis completes the row. Chain four, then turn the work over.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Work treble clusters and half double crochets across the third row.\", \"描述\": \"Work four treble crochets into the top of the first cluster, then half double crochet once into the next half double crochet.\\nCreate connecting shells across the entire row, stopping just before the last cluster. For each connecting shell:\\nWork nine treble crochets into the center of the next cluster.\\nHalf double crochet into the next half double crochet.\\n\\nFor the final cluster of the row, work five treble crochets into the top of the cluster.\\nYou can change colors at the end of this row or keep going with the color you currently have.\\nAt the end of this row, you should also chain one and turn the work over.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Create nine-stitch cluster shells across the fourth row.\", \"描述\": \"Work one half double crochet into the first stitch, then work a series of nine-stitch cluster shells across the rest of the row until you reach the end and finish the row.\\nFor each group:\\nChain four.\\nWork a nine-stitch shell cluster over the next nine stitches, following the same procedure used to make the nine-stitch shell clusters in your second row.\\nChain four.\\nWork one half double crochet into the next stitch.\\n\\nAt the very end of the row, chain one and turn the work over.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Connect the shells across the fifth row.\", \"描述\": \"At the start of the fifth row, half double crochet into the first half double crochet stitch. Work across the rest of the row using a series of treble crochets and half double crochets.\\nFor each connecting shell:\\nWork nine treble crochets into the center of the first cluster.\\nHalf double crochet into the next half double crochet.\\n\\nContinue until you reach the end of the row.\\nIf desired, change colors at the end of this row.\"}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Repeat as needed.\", \"描述\": \"You've completed a full set of Bavarian crochet at this point. Repeat rows two, three, four, and five until the project reaches your desired width.\\nIf you're changing colors, do so at the end of each odd numbered row.\"}, {\"编号\": 12, \"标题\": \"Fasten off.\", \"描述\": \"When your project is finished, cut the yarn, leaving a tail 2 to 4 inches (5 to 10 cm) long. Pull this tail through the loop on your hook to fasten off and finish the work.\\nWeave the secured tail into the back of the work to hide it.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,522 | How to Be "That Girl" | 1. Steps
1-1. Select a suitable hairstyle.
Choose a haircut you know will flatter you and that you feel confident in. To make a good choice, look up celebrities with a similar face shape as yours. Ask close friends and family if they think the haircut would look good on you, and get advice from the hair stylist as well. Bring a picture of that celeb or photos of your friend's hair-do next time you get your hair cut. Ask to get a similar cut while also seeking the stylist's input. Consider the effectiveness of having subtle highlights rather than bold streaks which look dated. Most hair colors could use a little warmth, so ask for a richer, subtle tone. That girl always has a brush to touch up her hair during the day, and for girls with straight hair with flyaways, consider putting hair wax on like Bella Hadid to control those pesky flyaways.
1-2. Care for your skin
It is essential to create a near-flawless canvas – bad skin is every girl's worst nightmare. Ask your dermatologist for advice on products to try. Never go to bed with dirty skin and never apply makeup on dirty skin. Some good starting basics are a gentle bar soap to wash your face, micellar water as a makeup remover, and a face towel to wash your face with. Ask your parents to splurge on a clay mask with good reviews! Remember to look at reviews always, and seek out products that help with your particular skin problems (acne, hyperpigmentation, etc.) Don't worry if you're a teen or young adult with bad skin, your hormones may be acting up and it will pass with time and gentle care.
1-3. Wear just a little make-up.
The best tip is to buy the Sephora Beauty Guide and look up beauty influencers who have a similar skin tone. Remember - less is more. Some essentials of "that girl" makeup are liquid blush, glowy skin makeup (BB cream or sheer liquid foundation), highlight, bronzer, and nude lip color. You don't need expensive makeup to have good makeup, it takes a lot of practice so ask your mom, sister, or cousin to help you. If you're just starting with makeup, don't immediately dive into colorful eyeshadow and loud lip colors. Work on your basic 10-minute daily makeup routine. Natural blondes/redheads should stick to brown mascara unless their eyebrows are brunette.
1-4. Select quality clothes.
Start by building a wardrobe with staple pieces that you wear often. Search on Pinterest girls with your body type and see what works with them. You only need three pairs of jeans (black, medium wash, and light wash), a pair of black slacks, and cream or white linen pants. You need four pairs of shoes: white sneakers, comfy sneakers in a neutral color, black booties, and skin-tone flats. After, go shopping at an actual in-person store and try on blouses in every color of the rainbow they have in your size, as well as different styles. Take note of the colors that flatter you and those that don't. Then, try to buy blouses in colors that compliment you. Please don't be stuck in wearing the color black just because it's a comfortable and easy color to wear. We also suggest going through your closet and trying everything on, and getting rid of clothes that don't fit you or you don't see yourself wearing, by donating them. Once all the clothes in your closet are things you'd feel pretty wearing, you'll be so much more confident getting dressed in the morning.
1-5. Work on the best parts of your personality.
This is key. Be confident, but not in a "look-at-me" way. Don't put yourself down a lot as some girls do. If someone compliments you, say "thank you." No need to compliment them back or deny it, as that is considered rude. Be polite to everyone, even people you don't like. "That girl" is an amazing friend and is the one who messages you "happy birthday!" at midnight. Surround yourself with people you genuinely like that don't bully others or use you for homework. A good tip is to never talk ill of others to try and gain popularity, as this will backfire eventually. Instead, speak well of others behind their back, and people will like and trust you more. Something small like "Amanda is sooo nice, she did my hair for soccer practice."
1-6. Be happy
Look at every day as a bright, shiny new day. "That girl" is a morning person who gets excited that she has another day to do the things she loves. When you wake up, avoid looking at your phone for 15 minutes while you do a nice morning routine. If you lay out your clothes and shoes the night before, you'll have a much smoother morning. People gravitate towards happy people instead of miserable people who can't stop talking about how their life is so hard. Instead of venting to your friends, try listening to them or talking to them about your relationship or a funny TikTok.
1-7. Imagine you look like your favorite celebrity and watch things with them a lot.
You'll start to unconsciously imitate some of their gestures.
1-8. Flirt
When you flirt, do it genuinely and work at least one compliment into every long conversation, but not too many. Guys love being flattered, as do girls! If you ask a guy out and he turns you down, keep your poise and remember he's not worth it.
1-9. Enjoy life
This is a cliché, but life is short. Live a little, carpe diem. Someone asks you to do something fun but you're sulking, go do it. Otherwise, you'll just sit feeling sorry for yourself. Always take that opportunity and do it.
Tips
Don't be afraid to admit you're wrong.
Jewelry is a staple but should be simple. Dainty necklaces with small pendants, simple stud earrings, and small hoop earrings are a good start.
Don't be snobbish about your clothes and makeup.
Warnings
Don't be fake about this. That's awful.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:15",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Steps\\n1-1. Select a suitable hairstyle.\\nChoose a haircut you know will flatter you and that you feel confident in. To make a good choice, look up celebrities with a similar face shape as yours. Ask close friends and family if they think the haircut would look good on you, and get advice from the hair stylist as well. Bring a picture of that celeb or photos of your friend's hair-do next time you get your hair cut. Ask to get a similar cut while also seeking the stylist's input. Consider the effectiveness of having subtle highlights rather than bold streaks which look dated. Most hair colors could use a little warmth, so ask for a richer, subtle tone. That girl always has a brush to touch up her hair during the day, and for girls with straight hair with flyaways, consider putting hair wax on like Bella Hadid to control those pesky flyaways.\\n1-2. Care for your skin\\nIt is essential to create a near-flawless canvas – bad skin is every girl's worst nightmare. Ask your dermatologist for advice on products to try. Never go to bed with dirty skin and never apply makeup on dirty skin. Some good starting basics are a gentle bar soap to wash your face, micellar water as a makeup remover, and a face towel to wash your face with. Ask your parents to splurge on a clay mask with good reviews! Remember to look at reviews always, and seek out products that help with your particular skin problems (acne, hyperpigmentation, etc.) Don't worry if you're a teen or young adult with bad skin, your hormones may be acting up and it will pass with time and gentle care.\\n1-3. Wear just a little make-up.\\nThe best tip is to buy the Sephora Beauty Guide and look up beauty influencers who have a similar skin tone. Remember - less is more. Some essentials of \\\"that girl\\\" makeup are liquid blush, glowy skin makeup (BB cream or sheer liquid foundation), highlight, bronzer, and nude lip color. You don't need expensive makeup to have good makeup, it takes a lot of practice so ask your mom, sister, or cousin to help you. If you're just starting with makeup, don't immediately dive into colorful eyeshadow and loud lip colors. Work on your basic 10-minute daily makeup routine. Natural blondes/redheads should stick to brown mascara unless their eyebrows are brunette.\\n1-4. Select quality clothes.\\nStart by building a wardrobe with staple pieces that you wear often. Search on Pinterest girls with your body type and see what works with them. You only need three pairs of jeans (black, medium wash, and light wash), a pair of black slacks, and cream or white linen pants. You need four pairs of shoes: white sneakers, comfy sneakers in a neutral color, black booties, and skin-tone flats. After, go shopping at an actual in-person store and try on blouses in every color of the rainbow they have in your size, as well as different styles. Take note of the colors that flatter you and those that don't. Then, try to buy blouses in colors that compliment you. Please don't be stuck in wearing the color black just because it's a comfortable and easy color to wear. We also suggest going through your closet and trying everything on, and getting rid of clothes that don't fit you or you don't see yourself wearing, by donating them. Once all the clothes in your closet are things you'd feel pretty wearing, you'll be so much more confident getting dressed in the morning.\\n1-5. Work on the best parts of your personality.\\nThis is key. Be confident, but not in a \\\"look-at-me\\\" way. Don't put yourself down a lot as some girls do. If someone compliments you, say \\\"thank you.\\\" No need to compliment them back or deny it, as that is considered rude. Be polite to everyone, even people you don't like. \\\"That girl\\\" is an amazing friend and is the one who messages you \\\"happy birthday!\\\" at midnight. Surround yourself with people you genuinely like that don't bully others or use you for homework. A good tip is to never talk ill of others to try and gain popularity, as this will backfire eventually. Instead, speak well of others behind their back, and people will like and trust you more. Something small like \\\"Amanda is sooo nice, she did my hair for soccer practice.\\\"\\n1-6. Be happy\\nLook at every day as a bright, shiny new day. \\\"That girl\\\" is a morning person who gets excited that she has another day to do the things she loves. When you wake up, avoid looking at your phone for 15 minutes while you do a nice morning routine. If you lay out your clothes and shoes the night before, you'll have a much smoother morning. People gravitate towards happy people instead of miserable people who can't stop talking about how their life is so hard. Instead of venting to your friends, try listening to them or talking to them about your relationship or a funny TikTok.\\n1-7. Imagine you look like your favorite celebrity and watch things with them a lot.\\nYou'll start to unconsciously imitate some of their gestures.\\n1-8. Flirt\\nWhen you flirt, do it genuinely and work at least one compliment into every long conversation, but not too many. Guys love being flattered, as do girls! If you ask a guy out and he turns you down, keep your poise and remember he's not worth it.\\n1-9. Enjoy life\\nThis is a cliché, but life is short. Live a little, carpe diem. Someone asks you to do something fun but you're sulking, go do it. Otherwise, you'll just sit feeling sorry for yourself. Always take that opportunity and do it.\\nTips\\nDon't be afraid to admit you're wrong.\\nJewelry is a staple but should be simple. Dainty necklaces with small pendants, simple stud earrings, and small hoop earrings are a good start.\\nDon't be snobbish about your clothes and makeup.\\nWarnings\\nDon't be fake about this. That's awful.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"You know \\\"that girl\\\". She's the one who is not over-showy, always leaves an after-image of her presence, and is the kind of girl they write songs about. She's pretty, unique, and friendly – all without being fake or too sweet. If you're interested in being this sort of girl, consider adapting the characteristics described here.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Steps\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Select a suitable hairstyle.\", \"描述\": \"Choose a haircut you know will flatter you and that you feel confident in. To make a good choice, look up celebrities with a similar face shape as yours. Ask close friends and family if they think the haircut would look good on you, and get advice from the hair stylist as well. Bring a picture of that celeb or photos of your friend's hair-do next time you get your hair cut. Ask to get a similar cut while also seeking the stylist's input. Consider the effectiveness of having subtle highlights rather than bold streaks which look dated. Most hair colors could use a little warmth, so ask for a richer, subtle tone. That girl always has a brush to touch up her hair during the day, and for girls with straight hair with flyaways, consider putting hair wax on like Bella Hadid to control those pesky flyaways.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Care for your skin\", \"描述\": \"It is essential to create a near-flawless canvas – bad skin is every girl's worst nightmare. Ask your dermatologist for advice on products to try. Never go to bed with dirty skin and never apply makeup on dirty skin. Some good starting basics are a gentle bar soap to wash your face, micellar water as a makeup remover, and a face towel to wash your face with. Ask your parents to splurge on a clay mask with good reviews! Remember to look at reviews always, and seek out products that help with your particular skin problems (acne, hyperpigmentation, etc.) Don't worry if you're a teen or young adult with bad skin, your hormones may be acting up and it will pass with time and gentle care.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Wear just a little make-up.\", \"描述\": \"The best tip is to buy the Sephora Beauty Guide and look up beauty influencers who have a similar skin tone. Remember - less is more. Some essentials of \\\"that girl\\\" makeup are liquid blush, glowy skin makeup (BB cream or sheer liquid foundation), highlight, bronzer, and nude lip color. You don't need expensive makeup to have good makeup, it takes a lot of practice so ask your mom, sister, or cousin to help you. If you're just starting with makeup, don't immediately dive into colorful eyeshadow and loud lip colors. Work on your basic 10-minute daily makeup routine. Natural blondes/redheads should stick to brown mascara unless their eyebrows are brunette.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Select quality clothes.\", \"描述\": \"Start by building a wardrobe with staple pieces that you wear often. Search on Pinterest girls with your body type and see what works with them. You only need three pairs of jeans (black, medium wash, and light wash), a pair of black slacks, and cream or white linen pants. You need four pairs of shoes: white sneakers, comfy sneakers in a neutral color, black booties, and skin-tone flats. After, go shopping at an actual in-person store and try on blouses in every color of the rainbow they have in your size, as well as different styles. Take note of the colors that flatter you and those that don't. Then, try to buy blouses in colors that compliment you. Please don't be stuck in wearing the color black just because it's a comfortable and easy color to wear. We also suggest going through your closet and trying everything on, and getting rid of clothes that don't fit you or you don't see yourself wearing, by donating them. Once all the clothes in your closet are things you'd feel pretty wearing, you'll be so much more confident getting dressed in the morning.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Work on the best parts of your personality.\", \"描述\": \"This is key. Be confident, but not in a \\\"look-at-me\\\" way. Don't put yourself down a lot as some girls do. If someone compliments you, say \\\"thank you.\\\" No need to compliment them back or deny it, as that is considered rude. Be polite to everyone, even people you don't like. \\\"That girl\\\" is an amazing friend and is the one who messages you \\\"happy birthday!\\\" at midnight. Surround yourself with people you genuinely like that don't bully others or use you for homework. A good tip is to never talk ill of others to try and gain popularity, as this will backfire eventually. Instead, speak well of others behind their back, and people will like and trust you more. Something small like \\\"Amanda is sooo nice, she did my hair for soccer practice.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Be happy\", \"描述\": \"Look at every day as a bright, shiny new day. \\\"That girl\\\" is a morning person who gets excited that she has another day to do the things she loves. When you wake up, avoid looking at your phone for 15 minutes while you do a nice morning routine. If you lay out your clothes and shoes the night before, you'll have a much smoother morning. People gravitate towards happy people instead of miserable people who can't stop talking about how their life is so hard. Instead of venting to your friends, try listening to them or talking to them about your relationship or a funny TikTok.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Imagine you look like your favorite celebrity and watch things with them a lot.\", \"描述\": \"You'll start to unconsciously imitate some of their gestures.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Flirt\", \"描述\": \"When you flirt, do it genuinely and work at least one compliment into every long conversation, but not too many. Guys love being flattered, as do girls! If you ask a guy out and he turns you down, keep your poise and remember he's not worth it.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Enjoy life\", \"描述\": \"This is a cliché, but life is short. Live a little, carpe diem. Someone asks you to do something fun but you're sulking, go do it. Otherwise, you'll just sit feeling sorry for yourself. Always take that opportunity and do it.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Don't be afraid to admit you're wrong.\\n\", \"Jewelry is a staple but should be simple. Dainty necklaces with small pendants, simple stud earrings, and small hoop earrings are a good start.\\n\", \"Don't be snobbish about your clothes and makeup.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Don't be fake about this. That's awful.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,523 | How to Be Able to Create a Story | 1. Creating a Basic Story
1-1. Develop the cast of characters who you'll use for your story.
You'll want a main character or characters, people with whom they are friends and with whom they are enemies. If there is a main antagonist (often considered a bad guy) come with them too.
Authors find that actually planning the entire story, though it may take months, is beneficial to creating a smooth, connected story. Developing your characters is important, and conveying them correctly in your work is even more so.
1-2. Use action and plot to progress your story.
When writing, don't tell your readers everything you planned abruptly (although the occasional telling is fine). Instead, show them. The readers can figure out your characters' personalities better when they observe the characters' to reactions to different situations.
For example: your main character, Mary, is very smart (according to your planning). Don't write, "Mary was a very smart woman;" write, "Mary always stayed in the library for hours, picking through reference book after reference book, unable to decide what she was going to study today." The latter lets the reader pick up on the fact that Mary is smart without you force feeding it to them.
1-3. Choose a setting, or time and place, where your story will take place.
Try to come up with a setting that the reader can find believable, and one that makes sense, even if it's a fantastical setting, it should have elements that ground it in reality. Try to make it sound like a place that someone would want to read about. Make up your own town or state if you want.
For example: Harry Potter has a very fantastical setting, but the idea of school, politics, and the importance of friends and family are very real and very universal and make the fantastical elements feel more realistic.
1-4. Brainstorm your plot and organize it in an outline before you get writing.
Use an outline or some other form of organization to keep your plot straight. Then, when you write, all you have to do is look at the outline.
1-5. Write a full first draft before going back to edit parts of your story.
Unless you plan on changing your story completely, don't touch what you've already written. Once your story comes to a close, then you start at the beginning and work your way through the book, changing little segments, adding characters' back stories, etc.
2. Creating Stories from Real Life
2-1. People watch.
Spend time in public places, surreptitiously watching people and making up stories for them. Write down descriptions of their appearance, their mannerisms, their voices, what they were saying and what they were doing. Then take those stories and make them longer and more intricate.
Put people that you see into the same story, even if they aren't interacting in real life.
2-2. Talk to strangers.
Obviously be safe while doing this, but talk to random people. Get insights into their lives and what they're doing. Even a simple discussion about the weather can give you insight into a person. Do they mumble? Do they meet your eye or do they look anywhere but you? How is their body language?
Using what you've observed, write a story about them, using the mannerisms and descriptions that you've noticed about them.
2-3. Scour the phone book.
You will find the most amazing and bizarre names in the phone book. Look through it and pick out the best ones. Write stories with characters based on the names that you've discovered.
2-4. Read nonfiction.
The best stories do seem to come from real life events and experiences (as they say "Truth is stranger than fiction") so read lots of nonfiction, especially if you're a fiction writer. Read histories of all different countries and time periods and build stories based on the things that happen. Read science books and medical books. Read about seafarers, and potential witches.
Pick out the facts and things that most interest you and build stories based on them. For instance, you could take something as simple as a decommissioned lighthouse in Maine and turn it into an epic tale of good and evil.
Tips
Don't get upset if you aren't able to begin to think about the ending or middle when you are at the beginning; take one part at the time.
If you're writing a series, make sure the ending makes the reader want to read the next story. Leave it on a cliff hanger.
Warnings
Don't decide to change the state of the story halfway through, but if needed check over each chapter after writing it to make sure that it's alright.
Don't be afraid of writer's block (and you will have it at some point); it is normal, and it will pass. Then, you can continue writing.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:16",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Creating a Basic Story\\n1-1. Develop the cast of characters who you'll use for your story.\\nYou'll want a main character or characters, people with whom they are friends and with whom they are enemies. If there is a main antagonist (often considered a bad guy) come with them too.\\nAuthors find that actually planning the entire story, though it may take months, is beneficial to creating a smooth, connected story. Developing your characters is important, and conveying them correctly in your work is even more so.\\n1-2. Use action and plot to progress your story.\\nWhen writing, don't tell your readers everything you planned abruptly (although the occasional telling is fine). Instead, show them. The readers can figure out your characters' personalities better when they observe the characters' to reactions to different situations.\\nFor example: your main character, Mary, is very smart (according to your planning). Don't write, \\\"Mary was a very smart woman;\\\" write, \\\"Mary always stayed in the library for hours, picking through reference book after reference book, unable to decide what she was going to study today.\\\" The latter lets the reader pick up on the fact that Mary is smart without you force feeding it to them.\\n1-3. Choose a setting, or time and place, where your story will take place.\\nTry to come up with a setting that the reader can find believable, and one that makes sense, even if it's a fantastical setting, it should have elements that ground it in reality. Try to make it sound like a place that someone would want to read about. Make up your own town or state if you want.\\nFor example: Harry Potter has a very fantastical setting, but the idea of school, politics, and the importance of friends and family are very real and very universal and make the fantastical elements feel more realistic.\\n1-4. Brainstorm your plot and organize it in an outline before you get writing.\\nUse an outline or some other form of organization to keep your plot straight. Then, when you write, all you have to do is look at the outline.\\n1-5. Write a full first draft before going back to edit parts of your story.\\nUnless you plan on changing your story completely, don't touch what you've already written. Once your story comes to a close, then you start at the beginning and work your way through the book, changing little segments, adding characters' back stories, etc.\\n2. Creating Stories from Real Life\\n2-1. People watch.\\nSpend time in public places, surreptitiously watching people and making up stories for them. Write down descriptions of their appearance, their mannerisms, their voices, what they were saying and what they were doing. Then take those stories and make them longer and more intricate.\\nPut people that you see into the same story, even if they aren't interacting in real life.\\n2-2. Talk to strangers.\\nObviously be safe while doing this, but talk to random people. Get insights into their lives and what they're doing. Even a simple discussion about the weather can give you insight into a person. Do they mumble? Do they meet your eye or do they look anywhere but you? How is their body language?\\nUsing what you've observed, write a story about them, using the mannerisms and descriptions that you've noticed about them.\\n2-3. Scour the phone book.\\nYou will find the most amazing and bizarre names in the phone book. Look through it and pick out the best ones. Write stories with characters based on the names that you've discovered.\\n2-4. Read nonfiction.\\nThe best stories do seem to come from real life events and experiences (as they say \\\"Truth is stranger than fiction\\\") so read lots of nonfiction, especially if you're a fiction writer. Read histories of all different countries and time periods and build stories based on the things that happen. Read science books and medical books. Read about seafarers, and potential witches.\\nPick out the facts and things that most interest you and build stories based on them. For instance, you could take something as simple as a decommissioned lighthouse in Maine and turn it into an epic tale of good and evil.\\nTips\\nDon't get upset if you aren't able to begin to think about the ending or middle when you are at the beginning; take one part at the time.\\nIf you're writing a series, make sure the ending makes the reader want to read the next story. Leave it on a cliff hanger.\\nWarnings\\nDon't decide to change the state of the story halfway through, but if needed check over each chapter after writing it to make sure that it's alright.\\nDon't be afraid of writer's block (and you will have it at some point); it is normal, and it will pass. Then, you can continue writing.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"If you're ready to fire up your imagination, writing a short story or novel is one of the best ways to let your creativity run wild! To make your own story, all you'll need is something to write with and a bit of inspiration. We'll walk you through the best ways to beat writer's block and create your own story right now.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Creating a Basic Story\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Develop the cast of characters who you'll use for your story.\", \"描述\": \"You'll want a main character or characters, people with whom they are friends and with whom they are enemies. If there is a main antagonist (often considered a bad guy) come with them too.\\nAuthors find that actually planning the entire story, though it may take months, is beneficial to creating a smooth, connected story. Developing your characters is important, and conveying them correctly in your work is even more so.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Use action and plot to progress your story.\", \"描述\": \"When writing, don't tell your readers everything you planned abruptly (although the occasional telling is fine). Instead, show them. The readers can figure out your characters' personalities better when they observe the characters' to reactions to different situations.\\nFor example: your main character, Mary, is very smart (according to your planning). Don't write, \\\"Mary was a very smart woman;\\\" write, \\\"Mary always stayed in the library for hours, picking through reference book after reference book, unable to decide what she was going to study today.\\\" The latter lets the reader pick up on the fact that Mary is smart without you force feeding it to them.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Choose a setting, or time and place, where your story will take place.\", \"描述\": \"Try to come up with a setting that the reader can find believable, and one that makes sense, even if it's a fantastical setting, it should have elements that ground it in reality. Try to make it sound like a place that someone would want to read about. Make up your own town or state if you want.\\nFor example: Harry Potter has a very fantastical setting, but the idea of school, politics, and the importance of friends and family are very real and very universal and make the fantastical elements feel more realistic.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Brainstorm your plot and organize it in an outline before you get writing.\", \"描述\": \"Use an outline or some other form of organization to keep your plot straight. Then, when you write, all you have to do is look at the outline.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Write a full first draft before going back to edit parts of your story.\", \"描述\": \"Unless you plan on changing your story completely, don't touch what you've already written. Once your story comes to a close, then you start at the beginning and work your way through the book, changing little segments, adding characters' back stories, etc.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Creating Stories from Real Life\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"People watch.\", \"描述\": \"Spend time in public places, surreptitiously watching people and making up stories for them. Write down descriptions of their appearance, their mannerisms, their voices, what they were saying and what they were doing. Then take those stories and make them longer and more intricate.\\nPut people that you see into the same story, even if they aren't interacting in real life.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Talk to strangers.\", \"描述\": \"Obviously be safe while doing this, but talk to random people. Get insights into their lives and what they're doing. Even a simple discussion about the weather can give you insight into a person. Do they mumble? Do they meet your eye or do they look anywhere but you? How is their body language?\\nUsing what you've observed, write a story about them, using the mannerisms and descriptions that you've noticed about them.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Scour the phone book.\", \"描述\": \"You will find the most amazing and bizarre names in the phone book. Look through it and pick out the best ones. Write stories with characters based on the names that you've discovered.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Read nonfiction.\", \"描述\": \"The best stories do seem to come from real life events and experiences (as they say \\\"Truth is stranger than fiction\\\") so read lots of nonfiction, especially if you're a fiction writer. Read histories of all different countries and time periods and build stories based on the things that happen. Read science books and medical books. Read about seafarers, and potential witches.\\nPick out the facts and things that most interest you and build stories based on them. For instance, you could take something as simple as a decommissioned lighthouse in Maine and turn it into an epic tale of good and evil.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Don't get upset if you aren't able to begin to think about the ending or middle when you are at the beginning; take one part at the time.\\n\", \"If you're writing a series, make sure the ending makes the reader want to read the next story. Leave it on a cliff hanger.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Don't decide to change the state of the story halfway through, but if needed check over each chapter after writing it to make sure that it's alright.\\n\", \"Don't be afraid of writer's block (and you will have it at some point); it is normal, and it will pass. Then, you can continue writing.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,524 | How to Be Able to Run a Mile Without Stopping | 1. Getting the Right Shoes
1-1. Look for running shoes.
There are many different styles of athletic shoes that are available for purchase. However, in order to make your runs safe and more effective you will need to purchase running shoes. Running shoes are designed to properly absorb impact, be lightweight, and are fit specifically to your foot.
Cross-training shoes or other athletic shoes won't provided the same support as running shoes.
Avoid running in non-athletic shoes.
1-2. Have your gait analyzed.
Most specialty stores will offer to analyze your gait. Staff will have you run on a treadmill and study how you run, where your land on your feet, and decide which running shoe would be right for you. This custom fit can help prevent injury and improve your run. Try visiting a specialty running shoe store when looking for new shoes.
1-3. Know what type of foot you have.
Before you start looking for the perfect pair of running shoes, it can be a good idea to learn what type of foot you have. The main feature of the foot that you will be looking at is the arch. Depending on the size and shape of the arch, you will need to buy a pair of shoes that have more or less support in this area.
Low arches are more flexible and may roll too far to the inside when running.
Neutral arches are ideal and balance the weight of impact well.
High arches are often inflexible and may cause you to land heavily on the side of your foot.
2. Building up to a Mile
2-1. Start your first week.
This training plan will allow you to slowly increase the amount you can comfortably run, over the course of four weeks. Each week will add more distance and time to your jog, allowing you to meet your goals. Try to follow this schedule for your first week:
On days 1, 3 and 5, do four sets of running 1/16th of a mile and walking 3/16th of a mile.
On days 2, 4, and 6, rest or cross train.
On the seventh day, take a break.
2-2. Move into your second week.
During the second week of training, you will increase the amount you jog and decrease the amount you walk. This will allow you to progress towards your goal of running one mile, without over stressing or over training your body. Follow this schedule for your second week of training:
On days 1, 3 and 5, do four sets of running 1/8th of a mile and walking 1/8th of a mile.
On days 2, 4, and 6, rest or cross train.
On the seventh day, take a break.
2-3. Keep pushing into your third week.
During the third week of training, you will be approaching your goal of running one mile without stopping. This week will continue increasing the amount you are able to run and will continue to build cardiovascular endurance. Use this training schedule for you third week of running:
On days 1,3 and 5, do four sets of running 3/16th of a mile and walking 1/16th of a mile.
On days 2,4, and 6, rest or cross train.
On the seventh day, take a break.
2-4. Run a mile on your fourth week.
Week four is the final week of your training program. You will be able to run a full mile by this point and will be doing so over the course of the week. Enjoy your accomplishment and keep your running routine strong by using this schedule:
On days 1,3 and 5, run 1 mile.
On days 2,4, and 6, rest or cross train.
On the seventh day, take a break.
3. Improving Your Run
3-1. Eat right.
A big part of getting the most out of your runs is eating correctly. The foods you eat will have an effect on how far you are able to run, your energy levels, and the recovery process. Whenever you have a run coming up, try to keep some of these diet tips in mind to help you feel your best and run your hardest:
Foods with carbohydrates and protein are good choices.
Try eating things like bread, pasta, and rice to get carbohydrates in your diet.
Include things like meat, fish, and eggs to get enough protein.
3-2. Warm up.
Before doing any physical activity, it's a good idea to warm up. Warming up before running can help prevent injury and improve the quality of your run. Keep some of these general tips in mind when warming up before a run.
Walk for at least 5 to 10 minutes before a run.
Doing some light stretching before a run can help you warm up.
It's a good idea to cool down as well. Try walking for around 5 to 10 minutes after a run.
3-3. Take breaks.
Training too often or too much can increase the chances of injury. Although you may enjoy running, taking a break between runs can help keep you safe. Make sure that you are breaking up your running schedule to help keep you running strong.
It's recommend that you run every other day.
You might try cross-training on days off. For example, on days you don't run you may lift weights.
3-4. Keep a routine.
Running requires maintenance. If you take too much time off from running, you will find running more difficult when you come back to it. It's a good idea to make a regular schedule for your runs and stick to it, allowing you to avoid losing your ability to run a mile without stopping.
Include rest days in your schedule to allow your body time to recover.
It can be fun to continue increasing the distance you run to help keep your routine interesting.
3-5. Stay safe and prevent injury.
Although running can improve your health and fitness, it may also cause injury. Injuries from running most commonly occur when a person pushes themselves too far, trains while injured, or over-trains. If you ever feel any pain during your runs or after, consider taking a break or cutting down on the distance you are running.
Make sure to increase distance gradually. Adding too much distance to your runs, without training for it, can cause injury.
Make sure your shoes are a good fit and are suitable for running.
Don't train while injured. Ask your doctor for other exercises you can do while the affected area heals.
Warnings
Over-training can cause injury.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:16",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Getting the Right Shoes\\n1-1. Look for running shoes.\\nThere are many different styles of athletic shoes that are available for purchase. However, in order to make your runs safe and more effective you will need to purchase running shoes. Running shoes are designed to properly absorb impact, be lightweight, and are fit specifically to your foot.\\nCross-training shoes or other athletic shoes won't provided the same support as running shoes.\\nAvoid running in non-athletic shoes.\\n1-2. Have your gait analyzed.\\nMost specialty stores will offer to analyze your gait. Staff will have you run on a treadmill and study how you run, where your land on your feet, and decide which running shoe would be right for you. This custom fit can help prevent injury and improve your run. Try visiting a specialty running shoe store when looking for new shoes.\\n1-3. Know what type of foot you have.\\nBefore you start looking for the perfect pair of running shoes, it can be a good idea to learn what type of foot you have. The main feature of the foot that you will be looking at is the arch. Depending on the size and shape of the arch, you will need to buy a pair of shoes that have more or less support in this area.\\nLow arches are more flexible and may roll too far to the inside when running.\\nNeutral arches are ideal and balance the weight of impact well.\\nHigh arches are often inflexible and may cause you to land heavily on the side of your foot.\\n2. Building up to a Mile\\n2-1. Start your first week.\\nThis training plan will allow you to slowly increase the amount you can comfortably run, over the course of four weeks. Each week will add more distance and time to your jog, allowing you to meet your goals. Try to follow this schedule for your first week:\\nOn days 1, 3 and 5, do four sets of running 1/16th of a mile and walking 3/16th of a mile.\\nOn days 2, 4, and 6, rest or cross train.\\nOn the seventh day, take a break.\\n2-2. Move into your second week.\\nDuring the second week of training, you will increase the amount you jog and decrease the amount you walk. This will allow you to progress towards your goal of running one mile, without over stressing or over training your body. Follow this schedule for your second week of training:\\nOn days 1, 3 and 5, do four sets of running 1/8th of a mile and walking 1/8th of a mile.\\nOn days 2, 4, and 6, rest or cross train.\\nOn the seventh day, take a break.\\n2-3. Keep pushing into your third week.\\nDuring the third week of training, you will be approaching your goal of running one mile without stopping. This week will continue increasing the amount you are able to run and will continue to build cardiovascular endurance. Use this training schedule for you third week of running:\\nOn days 1,3 and 5, do four sets of running 3/16th of a mile and walking 1/16th of a mile.\\nOn days 2,4, and 6, rest or cross train.\\nOn the seventh day, take a break.\\n2-4. Run a mile on your fourth week.\\nWeek four is the final week of your training program. You will be able to run a full mile by this point and will be doing so over the course of the week. Enjoy your accomplishment and keep your running routine strong by using this schedule:\\nOn days 1,3 and 5, run 1 mile.\\nOn days 2,4, and 6, rest or cross train.\\nOn the seventh day, take a break.\\n3. Improving Your Run\\n3-1. Eat right.\\nA big part of getting the most out of your runs is eating correctly. The foods you eat will have an effect on how far you are able to run, your energy levels, and the recovery process. Whenever you have a run coming up, try to keep some of these diet tips in mind to help you feel your best and run your hardest:\\nFoods with carbohydrates and protein are good choices.\\nTry eating things like bread, pasta, and rice to get carbohydrates in your diet.\\nInclude things like meat, fish, and eggs to get enough protein.\\n3-2. Warm up.\\nBefore doing any physical activity, it's a good idea to warm up. Warming up before running can help prevent injury and improve the quality of your run. Keep some of these general tips in mind when warming up before a run.\\nWalk for at least 5 to 10 minutes before a run.\\nDoing some light stretching before a run can help you warm up.\\nIt's a good idea to cool down as well. Try walking for around 5 to 10 minutes after a run.\\n3-3. Take breaks.\\nTraining too often or too much can increase the chances of injury. Although you may enjoy running, taking a break between runs can help keep you safe. Make sure that you are breaking up your running schedule to help keep you running strong.\\nIt's recommend that you run every other day.\\nYou might try cross-training on days off. For example, on days you don't run you may lift weights.\\n3-4. Keep a routine.\\nRunning requires maintenance. If you take too much time off from running, you will find running more difficult when you come back to it. It's a good idea to make a regular schedule for your runs and stick to it, allowing you to avoid losing your ability to run a mile without stopping.\\nInclude rest days in your schedule to allow your body time to recover.\\nIt can be fun to continue increasing the distance you run to help keep your routine interesting.\\n3-5. Stay safe and prevent injury.\\nAlthough running can improve your health and fitness, it may also cause injury. Injuries from running most commonly occur when a person pushes themselves too far, trains while injured, or over-trains. If you ever feel any pain during your runs or after, consider taking a break or cutting down on the distance you are running.\\nMake sure to increase distance gradually. Adding too much distance to your runs, without training for it, can cause injury.\\nMake sure your shoes are a good fit and are suitable for running.\\nDon't train while injured. Ask your doctor for other exercises you can do while the affected area heals.\\nWarnings\\nOver-training can cause injury.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Running is a simple and enjoyable exercise that you can use to get in shape, deal with stress, and lose weight. If you are new to running, setting a goal of running one mile can be a great way to get started. Running a mile without stopping is an achievable goal and your success can help encourage you to make running a regular part of your life.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Getting the Right Shoes\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Look for running shoes.\", \"描述\": \"There are many different styles of athletic shoes that are available for purchase. However, in order to make your runs safe and more effective you will need to purchase running shoes. Running shoes are designed to properly absorb impact, be lightweight, and are fit specifically to your foot.\\nCross-training shoes or other athletic shoes won't provided the same support as running shoes.\\nAvoid running in non-athletic shoes.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Have your gait analyzed.\", \"描述\": \"Most specialty stores will offer to analyze your gait. Staff will have you run on a treadmill and study how you run, where your land on your feet, and decide which running shoe would be right for you. This custom fit can help prevent injury and improve your run. Try visiting a specialty running shoe store when looking for new shoes.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Know what type of foot you have.\", \"描述\": \"Before you start looking for the perfect pair of running shoes, it can be a good idea to learn what type of foot you have. The main feature of the foot that you will be looking at is the arch. Depending on the size and shape of the arch, you will need to buy a pair of shoes that have more or less support in this area.\\nLow arches are more flexible and may roll too far to the inside when running.\\nNeutral arches are ideal and balance the weight of impact well.\\nHigh arches are often inflexible and may cause you to land heavily on the side of your foot.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Building up to a Mile\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Start your first week.\", \"描述\": \"This training plan will allow you to slowly increase the amount you can comfortably run, over the course of four weeks. Each week will add more distance and time to your jog, allowing you to meet your goals. Try to follow this schedule for your first week:\\nOn days 1, 3 and 5, do four sets of running 1/16th of a mile and walking 3/16th of a mile.\\nOn days 2, 4, and 6, rest or cross train.\\nOn the seventh day, take a break.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Move into your second week.\", \"描述\": \"During the second week of training, you will increase the amount you jog and decrease the amount you walk. This will allow you to progress towards your goal of running one mile, without over stressing or over training your body. Follow this schedule for your second week of training:\\nOn days 1, 3 and 5, do four sets of running 1/8th of a mile and walking 1/8th of a mile.\\nOn days 2, 4, and 6, rest or cross train.\\nOn the seventh day, take a break.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Keep pushing into your third week.\", \"描述\": \"During the third week of training, you will be approaching your goal of running one mile without stopping. This week will continue increasing the amount you are able to run and will continue to build cardiovascular endurance. Use this training schedule for you third week of running:\\nOn days 1,3 and 5, do four sets of running 3/16th of a mile and walking 1/16th of a mile.\\nOn days 2,4, and 6, rest or cross train.\\nOn the seventh day, take a break.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Run a mile on your fourth week.\", \"描述\": \"Week four is the final week of your training program. You will be able to run a full mile by this point and will be doing so over the course of the week. Enjoy your accomplishment and keep your running routine strong by using this schedule:\\nOn days 1,3 and 5, run 1 mile.\\nOn days 2,4, and 6, rest or cross train.\\nOn the seventh day, take a break.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Improving Your Run\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Eat right.\", \"描述\": \"A big part of getting the most out of your runs is eating correctly. The foods you eat will have an effect on how far you are able to run, your energy levels, and the recovery process. Whenever you have a run coming up, try to keep some of these diet tips in mind to help you feel your best and run your hardest:\\nFoods with carbohydrates and protein are good choices.\\nTry eating things like bread, pasta, and rice to get carbohydrates in your diet.\\nInclude things like meat, fish, and eggs to get enough protein.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Warm up.\", \"描述\": \"Before doing any physical activity, it's a good idea to warm up. Warming up before running can help prevent injury and improve the quality of your run. Keep some of these general tips in mind when warming up before a run.\\nWalk for at least 5 to 10 minutes before a run.\\nDoing some light stretching before a run can help you warm up.\\nIt's a good idea to cool down as well. Try walking for around 5 to 10 minutes after a run.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Take breaks.\", \"描述\": \"Training too often or too much can increase the chances of injury. Although you may enjoy running, taking a break between runs can help keep you safe. Make sure that you are breaking up your running schedule to help keep you running strong.\\nIt's recommend that you run every other day.\\nYou might try cross-training on days off. For example, on days you don't run you may lift weights.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Keep a routine.\", \"描述\": \"Running requires maintenance. If you take too much time off from running, you will find running more difficult when you come back to it. It's a good idea to make a regular schedule for your runs and stick to it, allowing you to avoid losing your ability to run a mile without stopping.\\nInclude rest days in your schedule to allow your body time to recover.\\nIt can be fun to continue increasing the distance you run to help keep your routine interesting.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Stay safe and prevent injury.\", \"描述\": \"Although running can improve your health and fitness, it may also cause injury. Injuries from running most commonly occur when a person pushes themselves too far, trains while injured, or over-trains. If you ever feel any pain during your runs or after, consider taking a break or cutting down on the distance you are running.\\nMake sure to increase distance gradually. Adding too much distance to your runs, without training for it, can cause injury.\\nMake sure your shoes are a good fit and are suitable for running.\\nDon't train while injured. Ask your doctor for other exercises you can do while the affected area heals.\"}], \"注意事项\": [\"Over-training can cause injury.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,525 | How to Be Accepted Into the National Honor Society | 1. Embodying NHS Values
1-1. Maintain your GPA.
Your cumulative GPA is one of the criteria used to see if you make National Honor Society standards. If you want to be in NHS, work on maintaining a high GPA.
Members of National Honor Society must have a GPA of 3.5 or higher on the 4.0 scale. On a 5.0 scale, this would be at least a 4.375 and 5.25 on a 6.0 scale. On a letter grade scale, this would be at least a B+ and 90% or higher grade average on a 100 point scale.
Start working on your grades early in high school. If you start off with a low GPA you'll have to work extra hard to pull it up in the following semesters. Take your studies and homework seriously.
If you're struggling with a particular subject, consider hiring a tutor or asking a friend in class to help you out. Most people do not excel equally well in all subjects. You might be an excellent chemistry student but struggle remembering dates for history class, for example.
1-2. National Honors Society members are always looking for ways to earn their 25 hours of community service that they must fulfill each year in the organization, so ask them for help in these subjects.
Practice good study skills. Flashcards, memorization, and practice tests and quizzes are all great means to prepare for an exam. If your teacher offers any optional after school review sessions, always attend even if you feel confident about your skill set.
1-3. Do well on standardized tests.
The NHS also has criteria when it comes to standardized testing. In order to be accepted into NHS, you need 1750 or higher on the SAT, a 200 or higher on the PSAT, and a 26 or higher on the ACT.
Most schools offer the first PSAT test during Sophomore year. Doing well on this test will greatly increase your chances of being accepted into NHS.
Start studying for the PSAT during the summer after your freshman year.
Most bookstores, as well as Amazon, sell up to date study guides for most standardized tests. Many colleges and organizations like Kaplan offer prep courses, which can be taken in person or online. If you're serious about NHS membership, consider asking your parents if you can enroll in one of these courses.
Remember, you can retake most standardized tests if you do not like your score the first time.
1-4. Be a leader.
National Honor Society values leadership. The organization seeks out student leaders who convey good problem solving skills and contribute ideas to the world around them. If you want to be an NHS member, you need some leadership experience on your resume.
Get involved in your school. Join a club that speaks to your passions and go for a leadership role. You might not be able to be say, president, right away but you can always take a smaller position as a board member or treasurer. Consider running for student council. Being a representative for your class would look great on an NHS membership application.
You can also get involved outside of school. If you play sports, being the captain of your hockey or soccer team can convey leadership skills. Consider volunteering to coach little league, taking on the role of coach to kids younger than yourself. If you're involved in any other type of community, you can try to be a leader there as well. Say you take art lessons at the community art center. See if they need volunteers to tutor younger students.
1-5. Volunteer.
NHS seeks out students who have a dedication to serving their community. If you want to be in NHS, volunteer for a cause you care about and stick to your service long term.
There are many ways to volunteer. You should pick a cause you feel passionate about as you'll be more motivated to stick your service out. Love animals? Work for your local Humane Society. Interested in politics? Try doing campaign work for a cause you support. Big reader? Ask your local library if they need assistance.
If you're struggling to find volunteer opportunities, go to a local community center, church, hospital, or coffee shop. People often leave flyers in these kinds of establishments trying to recruit volunteers. You can also ask the school counselor or principal of your school. He or she might be in contact with a variety of local organizations seeking out student workers.
1-6. Stay out of trouble.
Character is another category NHS pays attention to regarding candidates. A student with high character adheres to high standards of honesty, is courteous to others, and has a clean disciplinary record. Avoid people and situations where you might get in trouble. Things like recreational drug use and underage drinking look bad on an NHS application.
2. Applying for NHS
2-1. Obtain candidate status.
Once your teacher submits your student application form, the person heading the NHS chapter at your school will make a decision. He or she will decide whether or not you meet NHS criteria and are eligible to apply.
Remember that individual chapters differ in their precise rules. Some require you to complete an application to even be considered for membership, while others don't require you to apply until after you've been singled out as eligible. When in doubt, always consult your local chapter for precise instructions.
2-2. Work hard on your application.
NHS applications vary from school to school. Whatever your school requires, spend a lot of time on your application. A solid application can increase your chances of being accepted into NHS.
Include all the experience you have related to NHS's core values: scholarship, leadership, service, and character. Include things like work on school clubs, experience with sports, volunteer work, after school jobs, and any awards or achievements.
Many chapters of NHS require an essay as part of the membership application. The essay might be a broad overview of your qualifications or it might ask a specific question, like "If you had to have dinner with anyone living or dead who would you pick?" Spend a lot of time on your essay. Write a couple of drafts and have a friend or family member look it over for you.
If you are not granted membership, you have the right to appeal the council's decision. However, appeals must be made to the local chapter itself - state and national NHS agencies do not hear membership appeals. Do not be discouraged. Continue your service activities and leadership activities and maintain your good GPA. You can always apply again next year.
2-3. Maintain membership.
Once you're accepted to NHS, you will have to maintain your member status. This means keeping your grades up, continuing to score high on standardized tests, continuing your community involvement, and maintaining a clean disciplinary record. Continue to work hard, even after acceptance, as it is possible to be dismissed from NHS.
3. Researching Your School's Chapter
3-1. Find a local chapter.
If you want to join National Honor Society, you must be enrolled in a school with an active NHS chapter. You can use the National Honor Society website to find information about your school's chapter of NHS.
Students cannot apply to enter the NHS at the national level, via the organization's website or any other means. All admissions to the NHS are handled at the local level - you must apply to your high school's NHS chapter and no other. That's why it's important to get information about your chapter before attempting the application process.
If your school doesn't have an NHS chapter, all is not lost. Try asking your principal, academic adviser, or teacher to establish an NHS chapter at your school. Though students and parents aren't allowed to apply to establish chapters, they are encouraged to share information with receptive school faculty members.
3-2. Review the criteria for your local chapter.
Criteria for admissions varies from chapter to chapter. Some schools require an application and resume. Some schools merely require an essay detailing why you feel qualified to join NHS. Figure out what the specific qualifications are at your school and go from there.
3-3. Find a teacher to nominate you for NHS.
You cannot simply apply to NHS cold. A faculty member at your school must nominate you. Then, the educator associated with your school's chapter of NHS will make a decision regarding your application.
Sometimes, a teacher will simply nominate you without your asking. However, if this does not happen and you feel qualified consider approaching a teacher and asking. Pick a teacher whose class you feel you've done well in and who is impressed by your work and dedication.
Your teacher will have to print out and submit a student nomination form. You can find this form for your teacher on the NHS website.
Tips
If you don't make it in, hold your head high. You will get another chance next year. Just continue to expand your application and be an active leader.
Maintain your GPA even if you're accepted into NHS. If your grades slip, you will be removed from the organization. Below a 3.6 weighted on the 4.0 scale is risky.
Keep up your community service. You will still need to perform a certain number of community service hours per year in order to stay in NHS. Remember, there is always someone who could take your place.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:16",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Embodying NHS Values\\n1-1. Maintain your GPA.\\nYour cumulative GPA is one of the criteria used to see if you make National Honor Society standards. If you want to be in NHS, work on maintaining a high GPA.\\nMembers of National Honor Society must have a GPA of 3.5 or higher on the 4.0 scale. On a 5.0 scale, this would be at least a 4.375 and 5.25 on a 6.0 scale. On a letter grade scale, this would be at least a B+ and 90% or higher grade average on a 100 point scale.\\nStart working on your grades early in high school. If you start off with a low GPA you'll have to work extra hard to pull it up in the following semesters. Take your studies and homework seriously.\\nIf you're struggling with a particular subject, consider hiring a tutor or asking a friend in class to help you out. Most people do not excel equally well in all subjects. You might be an excellent chemistry student but struggle remembering dates for history class, for example.\\n1-2. National Honors Society members are always looking for ways to earn their 25 hours of community service that they must fulfill each year in the organization, so ask them for help in these subjects.\\nPractice good study skills. Flashcards, memorization, and practice tests and quizzes are all great means to prepare for an exam. If your teacher offers any optional after school review sessions, always attend even if you feel confident about your skill set.\\n1-3. Do well on standardized tests.\\nThe NHS also has criteria when it comes to standardized testing. In order to be accepted into NHS, you need 1750 or higher on the SAT, a 200 or higher on the PSAT, and a 26 or higher on the ACT.\\nMost schools offer the first PSAT test during Sophomore year. Doing well on this test will greatly increase your chances of being accepted into NHS.\\nStart studying for the PSAT during the summer after your freshman year.\\nMost bookstores, as well as Amazon, sell up to date study guides for most standardized tests. Many colleges and organizations like Kaplan offer prep courses, which can be taken in person or online. If you're serious about NHS membership, consider asking your parents if you can enroll in one of these courses.\\nRemember, you can retake most standardized tests if you do not like your score the first time.\\n1-4. Be a leader.\\nNational Honor Society values leadership. The organization seeks out student leaders who convey good problem solving skills and contribute ideas to the world around them. If you want to be an NHS member, you need some leadership experience on your resume.\\nGet involved in your school. Join a club that speaks to your passions and go for a leadership role. You might not be able to be say, president, right away but you can always take a smaller position as a board member or treasurer. Consider running for student council. Being a representative for your class would look great on an NHS membership application.\\nYou can also get involved outside of school. If you play sports, being the captain of your hockey or soccer team can convey leadership skills. Consider volunteering to coach little league, taking on the role of coach to kids younger than yourself. If you're involved in any other type of community, you can try to be a leader there as well. Say you take art lessons at the community art center. See if they need volunteers to tutor younger students.\\n1-5. Volunteer.\\nNHS seeks out students who have a dedication to serving their community. If you want to be in NHS, volunteer for a cause you care about and stick to your service long term.\\nThere are many ways to volunteer. You should pick a cause you feel passionate about as you'll be more motivated to stick your service out. Love animals? Work for your local Humane Society. Interested in politics? Try doing campaign work for a cause you support. Big reader? Ask your local library if they need assistance.\\nIf you're struggling to find volunteer opportunities, go to a local community center, church, hospital, or coffee shop. People often leave flyers in these kinds of establishments trying to recruit volunteers. You can also ask the school counselor or principal of your school. He or she might be in contact with a variety of local organizations seeking out student workers.\\n1-6. Stay out of trouble.\\nCharacter is another category NHS pays attention to regarding candidates. A student with high character adheres to high standards of honesty, is courteous to others, and has a clean disciplinary record. Avoid people and situations where you might get in trouble. Things like recreational drug use and underage drinking look bad on an NHS application.\\n2. Applying for NHS\\n2-1. Obtain candidate status.\\nOnce your teacher submits your student application form, the person heading the NHS chapter at your school will make a decision. He or she will decide whether or not you meet NHS criteria and are eligible to apply.\\nRemember that individual chapters differ in their precise rules. Some require you to complete an application to even be considered for membership, while others don't require you to apply until after you've been singled out as eligible. When in doubt, always consult your local chapter for precise instructions.\\n2-2. Work hard on your application.\\nNHS applications vary from school to school. Whatever your school requires, spend a lot of time on your application. A solid application can increase your chances of being accepted into NHS.\\nInclude all the experience you have related to NHS's core values: scholarship, leadership, service, and character. Include things like work on school clubs, experience with sports, volunteer work, after school jobs, and any awards or achievements.\\nMany chapters of NHS require an essay as part of the membership application. The essay might be a broad overview of your qualifications or it might ask a specific question, like \\\"If you had to have dinner with anyone living or dead who would you pick?\\\" Spend a lot of time on your essay. Write a couple of drafts and have a friend or family member look it over for you.\\nIf you are not granted membership, you have the right to appeal the council's decision. However, appeals must be made to the local chapter itself - state and national NHS agencies do not hear membership appeals. Do not be discouraged. Continue your service activities and leadership activities and maintain your good GPA. You can always apply again next year.\\n2-3. Maintain membership.\\nOnce you're accepted to NHS, you will have to maintain your member status. This means keeping your grades up, continuing to score high on standardized tests, continuing your community involvement, and maintaining a clean disciplinary record. Continue to work hard, even after acceptance, as it is possible to be dismissed from NHS.\\n3. Researching Your School's Chapter\\n3-1. Find a local chapter.\\nIf you want to join National Honor Society, you must be enrolled in a school with an active NHS chapter. You can use the National Honor Society website to find information about your school's chapter of NHS.\\nStudents cannot apply to enter the NHS at the national level, via the organization's website or any other means. All admissions to the NHS are handled at the local level - you must apply to your high school's NHS chapter and no other. That's why it's important to get information about your chapter before attempting the application process.\\nIf your school doesn't have an NHS chapter, all is not lost. Try asking your principal, academic adviser, or teacher to establish an NHS chapter at your school. Though students and parents aren't allowed to apply to establish chapters, they are encouraged to share information with receptive school faculty members.\\n3-2. Review the criteria for your local chapter.\\nCriteria for admissions varies from chapter to chapter. Some schools require an application and resume. Some schools merely require an essay detailing why you feel qualified to join NHS. Figure out what the specific qualifications are at your school and go from there.\\n3-3. Find a teacher to nominate you for NHS.\\nYou cannot simply apply to NHS cold. A faculty member at your school must nominate you. Then, the educator associated with your school's chapter of NHS will make a decision regarding your application.\\nSometimes, a teacher will simply nominate you without your asking. However, if this does not happen and you feel qualified consider approaching a teacher and asking. Pick a teacher whose class you feel you've done well in and who is impressed by your work and dedication.\\nYour teacher will have to print out and submit a student nomination form. You can find this form for your teacher on the NHS website.\\nTips\\nIf you don't make it in, hold your head high. You will get another chance next year. Just continue to expand your application and be an active leader.\\nMaintain your GPA even if you're accepted into NHS. If your grades slip, you will be removed from the organization. Below a 3.6 weighted on the 4.0 scale is risky.\\nKeep up your community service. You will still need to perform a certain number of community service hours per year in order to stay in NHS. Remember, there is always someone who could take your place.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"The National Honor Society is an American organization with chapters in high schools in all 50 states, several U.S. territories, and Canada. The NHS allows high school students with a dedication to the society's core values - scholarship, leadership, service, and character - to receive recognition, participate in volunteer activities, apply for college scholarships, and more.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Embodying NHS Values\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Maintain your GPA.\", \"描述\": \"Your cumulative GPA is one of the criteria used to see if you make National Honor Society standards. If you want to be in NHS, work on maintaining a high GPA.\\nMembers of National Honor Society must have a GPA of 3.5 or higher on the 4.0 scale. On a 5.0 scale, this would be at least a 4.375 and 5.25 on a 6.0 scale. On a letter grade scale, this would be at least a B+ and 90% or higher grade average on a 100 point scale.\\nStart working on your grades early in high school. If you start off with a low GPA you'll have to work extra hard to pull it up in the following semesters. Take your studies and homework seriously.\\nIf you're struggling with a particular subject, consider hiring a tutor or asking a friend in class to help you out. Most people do not excel equally well in all subjects. You might be an excellent chemistry student but struggle remembering dates for history class, for example.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"National Honors Society members are always looking for ways to earn their 25 hours of community service that they must fulfill each year in the organization, so ask them for help in these subjects.\", \"描述\": \"Practice good study skills. Flashcards, memorization, and practice tests and quizzes are all great means to prepare for an exam. If your teacher offers any optional after school review sessions, always attend even if you feel confident about your skill set.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Do well on standardized tests.\", \"描述\": \"The NHS also has criteria when it comes to standardized testing. In order to be accepted into NHS, you need 1750 or higher on the SAT, a 200 or higher on the PSAT, and a 26 or higher on the ACT.\\nMost schools offer the first PSAT test during Sophomore year. Doing well on this test will greatly increase your chances of being accepted into NHS.\\nStart studying for the PSAT during the summer after your freshman year.\\nMost bookstores, as well as Amazon, sell up to date study guides for most standardized tests. Many colleges and organizations like Kaplan offer prep courses, which can be taken in person or online. If you're serious about NHS membership, consider asking your parents if you can enroll in one of these courses.\\nRemember, you can retake most standardized tests if you do not like your score the first time.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be a leader.\", \"描述\": \"National Honor Society values leadership. The organization seeks out student leaders who convey good problem solving skills and contribute ideas to the world around them. If you want to be an NHS member, you need some leadership experience on your resume.\\nGet involved in your school. Join a club that speaks to your passions and go for a leadership role. You might not be able to be say, president, right away but you can always take a smaller position as a board member or treasurer. Consider running for student council. Being a representative for your class would look great on an NHS membership application.\\nYou can also get involved outside of school. If you play sports, being the captain of your hockey or soccer team can convey leadership skills. Consider volunteering to coach little league, taking on the role of coach to kids younger than yourself. If you're involved in any other type of community, you can try to be a leader there as well. Say you take art lessons at the community art center. See if they need volunteers to tutor younger students.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Volunteer.\", \"描述\": \"NHS seeks out students who have a dedication to serving their community. If you want to be in NHS, volunteer for a cause you care about and stick to your service long term.\\nThere are many ways to volunteer. You should pick a cause you feel passionate about as you'll be more motivated to stick your service out. Love animals? Work for your local Humane Society. Interested in politics? Try doing campaign work for a cause you support. Big reader? Ask your local library if they need assistance.\\nIf you're struggling to find volunteer opportunities, go to a local community center, church, hospital, or coffee shop. People often leave flyers in these kinds of establishments trying to recruit volunteers. You can also ask the school counselor or principal of your school. He or she might be in contact with a variety of local organizations seeking out student workers.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Stay out of trouble.\", \"描述\": \"Character is another category NHS pays attention to regarding candidates. A student with high character adheres to high standards of honesty, is courteous to others, and has a clean disciplinary record. Avoid people and situations where you might get in trouble. Things like recreational drug use and underage drinking look bad on an NHS application.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Applying for NHS\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Obtain candidate status.\", \"描述\": \"Once your teacher submits your student application form, the person heading the NHS chapter at your school will make a decision. He or she will decide whether or not you meet NHS criteria and are eligible to apply.\\nRemember that individual chapters differ in their precise rules. Some require you to complete an application to even be considered for membership, while others don't require you to apply until after you've been singled out as eligible. When in doubt, always consult your local chapter for precise instructions.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Work hard on your application.\", \"描述\": \"NHS applications vary from school to school. Whatever your school requires, spend a lot of time on your application. A solid application can increase your chances of being accepted into NHS.\\nInclude all the experience you have related to NHS's core values: scholarship, leadership, service, and character. Include things like work on school clubs, experience with sports, volunteer work, after school jobs, and any awards or achievements.\\nMany chapters of NHS require an essay as part of the membership application. The essay might be a broad overview of your qualifications or it might ask a specific question, like \\\"If you had to have dinner with anyone living or dead who would you pick?\\\" Spend a lot of time on your essay. Write a couple of drafts and have a friend or family member look it over for you.\\nIf you are not granted membership, you have the right to appeal the council's decision. However, appeals must be made to the local chapter itself - state and national NHS agencies do not hear membership appeals. Do not be discouraged. Continue your service activities and leadership activities and maintain your good GPA. You can always apply again next year.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Maintain membership.\", \"描述\": \"Once you're accepted to NHS, you will have to maintain your member status. This means keeping your grades up, continuing to score high on standardized tests, continuing your community involvement, and maintaining a clean disciplinary record. Continue to work hard, even after acceptance, as it is possible to be dismissed from NHS.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Researching Your School's Chapter\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Find a local chapter.\", \"描述\": \"If you want to join National Honor Society, you must be enrolled in a school with an active NHS chapter. You can use the National Honor Society website to find information about your school's chapter of NHS.\\nStudents cannot apply to enter the NHS at the national level, via the organization's website or any other means. All admissions to the NHS are handled at the local level - you must apply to your high school's NHS chapter and no other. That's why it's important to get information about your chapter before attempting the application process.\\nIf your school doesn't have an NHS chapter, all is not lost. Try asking your principal, academic adviser, or teacher to establish an NHS chapter at your school. Though students and parents aren't allowed to apply to establish chapters, they are encouraged to share information with receptive school faculty members.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Review the criteria for your local chapter.\", \"描述\": \"Criteria for admissions varies from chapter to chapter. Some schools require an application and resume. Some schools merely require an essay detailing why you feel qualified to join NHS. Figure out what the specific qualifications are at your school and go from there.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Find a teacher to nominate you for NHS.\", \"描述\": \"You cannot simply apply to NHS cold. A faculty member at your school must nominate you. Then, the educator associated with your school's chapter of NHS will make a decision regarding your application.\\nSometimes, a teacher will simply nominate you without your asking. However, if this does not happen and you feel qualified consider approaching a teacher and asking. Pick a teacher whose class you feel you've done well in and who is impressed by your work and dedication.\\nYour teacher will have to print out and submit a student nomination form. You can find this form for your teacher on the NHS website.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"If you don't make it in, hold your head high. You will get another chance next year. Just continue to expand your application and be an active leader.\\n\", \"Maintain your GPA even if you're accepted into NHS. If your grades slip, you will be removed from the organization. Below a 3.6 weighted on the 4.0 scale is risky.\\n\", \"Keep up your community service. You will still need to perform a certain number of community service hours per year in order to stay in NHS. Remember, there is always someone who could take your place.\\n\"]}]}}",
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3,526 | How to Be Accepted by Your Boyfriend's Friends | 1. Getting to Know His Friends
1-1. Greet his friends by name.
People generally find people more likable when they use their names. This shows that you're attentive and caring of other people. Strive to remember your boyfriend's friends names, and always use their names when greeting them.
For example, when talking to a friend of your boyfriend, don't say, "How are you doing?" Instead, say, "How are you doing, Josh?" This makes the greeting a little more personal, which will make you a little more likable.
If you struggle to remember names, it can help to repeat someone's name a few times in your head after you first meet them. You can also try relating the name to something familiar, such as by saying to yourself, "Joshua, like my nephew Joshua."
1-2. Accept you won't be the center of attention.
When you're out with your boyfriend's friends, remember they have a group dynamic at play. As you're new to the group, you won't understand everything. There will be inside jokes you will not understand and certain group traditions that do not involve you. Do not get offended if you're pushed slightly to the sidelines during group outings. Instead, embrace the fact the night does not revolve around you.
Try to keep a low profile if there is a conversation or joke occurring that you can't follow. Your boyfriend may, for example, talk about drama in the friends group that you don't fully understand. He may also reminisce about memories that do not involve you.
During these times, take a back seat. Smile and nod without trying to follow everything. It's okay to, at times, give your boyfriend some space in a social setting. In fact, this is likely to make your boyfriend's friends like you more. They will appreciate you allowing your boyfriend to have his own social life.
1-3. Make an effort to get to know his friends.
During social outings, see your boyfriend's friends as new potential friends for you. Try to get to know them a little. Remember, these are important people in your boyfriend's life. You should make a sincere effort to get to know them. You may either gain new friends, or gain clarity about your boyfriend’s friendships, or both.
Ask questions. People love talking about themselves, so ask your boyfriend's friends about their interests and hobbies. Try questions like, "So, what do you do for a living?", "What's your favorite subject in school?", and, "What kind of movies do you like?"
You should also allow them to get to know you. Share information about yourself in return if they ask.
1-4. Keep your phone away.
No one likes to talk to someone who's constantly on their phone. While it's okay to occasionally return a text or check your Facebook, refrain from being on your phone all night. This is especially important if someone is talking to you directly. If you want to check your phone, do so when no one's talking to you or when you're in the bathroom.
1-5. Do not seek out attention.
People tend to dislike those who seek out attention. Many people strive to be the center of attention, especially when trying to make an impression. However, this can easily backfire. Instead of trying to get your boyfriend's friends to notice you, try to allow people to come to you organically.
If you're friendly and confident in conversation, people will be drawn to you. It will not be necessary to seek out excessive attention.
When you're with your boyfriend's friends, simply be yourself and stay calm. This will endear you to them far more than trying to impress them.
2. Being Kind to His Friends
2-1. Invite his friends out on occasion.
You want to make sure you're not forming a wall between your boyfriend and his friends. If you're serious about the relationship, it's a good idea to try to make yourself part of the group. Try to include your boyfriend's friends in outings with your boyfriend on occasion. Respecting and embracing the group dynamic will make you more likable to them.
For example, say you're all hanging out together watching TV and you get hungry. Instead of going out for food with your boyfriend, propose everyone go get something to eat together.
2-2. Allow your boyfriend to have time alone with his friends.
If you don't let your boyfriend have his own space, his friends may come to resent you. You need to strive to respect his right to have his own social group. Avoid giving him a hard time when he's out with his friends. Accept the fact he will sometimes want alone time with his friends and you may not be included.
When your boyfriend is out with his friends, avoid texting or calling him excessively. It's okay to send a quick text here and there, but don't expect him to be on the phone with you all night.
2-3. Accept the friends he has.
You may not get along with all your boyfriend's friends. Some may rub you the wrong way. You may not have a lot in common with others. However, you should never try to dictate someone's friends group. If you want to be with someone, you need to accept the people they've chosen to have in their life. In healthy relationships based on trust and respect, this should not be a problem.
Avoid overanalyzing his friends. You may find some people from his friends group seem odd or out of place. However, remember that people make friends during different parts of their life.
Your boyfriend probably has friends from different eras of his life. While he may not have a lot in common with them now, their past may bond them together. You probably have friends who you share very little common traits with, but you are close nevertheless.
2-4. Make nice gestures towards his friends.
You don't want to bribe your boyfriend's friends into liking you. However, basic kindness can go a long way. On occasion, go a little above and beyond. Bring cookies to a party or buy a round of drinks at the bar. You can also bring board games over for game night or bring snacks to social gatherings. Small gestures here and there can make you more likable.
3. Being Likeable
3-1. Use positive body language in social settings.
Watch your body language when interacting with your boyfriend's friends. Something as simple as a tweak in body language can make you more likable to others.
Keep your arms uncrossed, as this will make you look more open.
Use an enthusiastic tone when talking.
Maintain eye contact and lean slightly towards the person you're talking to.
3-2. Be genuine around your boyfriend's friends.
Do not try to be something you're not to endear your boyfriend's friends. People don't need you to be exactly like them to like you. People are drawn to those who are genuine, even if they're different from them.
Never pretend to like something you don't. If you don't know anything about, say, a certain genre of movie, don't follow along as if you do. If you don't care for a certain type of music, it's okay to say so.
Remember, be genuine without being argumentative. You can state your opinions or interests without presenting them as superior to other people's opinions and interests.
If you feel nervous and this affects your behavior, then try doing some deep breathing or give yourself a pep talk before you see your boyfriend's friends. Try telling yourself something like, "You're great! Your friends love you and so will his friends. Just try to relax and be yourself."
3-3. Have fun with his friends.
Stay relaxed when hanging out with your boyfriend's friends. If you get too nervous, you may forget to have fun. Your boyfriend's friends will like you more if you're fun to be around.
It's normal to be nervous when meeting your boyfriend's friends. However, remind yourself you're going to a social event. This should be enjoyable.
Do not get too in your head about whether or not people like you. Instead, take a few deep breaths and embrace the fun.
3-4. Plan events for everyone's friends.
If you want to be accepted into the friends group, try to merge you and your boyfriend's groups together slightly. When you make plans with your own friends, encourage your boyfriend to bring his friends along. If you encourage everyone to get together, your boyfriend's friends will grow to see you as part of the group. It will also make navigating social situations easier. If everyone is friendly with one another, you and your boyfriend can easily hang out with one another's friends in large social settings without anyone feeling awkward.
Tips
Don't be mean to his friends under any circumstances. This will lead to your boyfriend's friends not accepting you and they will try to talk your boyfriend into breaking up with you.
Treat his friends as you would treat your own.
Warnings
Don't tell his friends embarrassing things about him. He might not have told them and he won't appreciate you telling them.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:16",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Getting to Know His Friends\\n1-1. Greet his friends by name.\\nPeople generally find people more likable when they use their names. This shows that you're attentive and caring of other people. Strive to remember your boyfriend's friends names, and always use their names when greeting them.\\nFor example, when talking to a friend of your boyfriend, don't say, \\\"How are you doing?\\\" Instead, say, \\\"How are you doing, Josh?\\\" This makes the greeting a little more personal, which will make you a little more likable.\\nIf you struggle to remember names, it can help to repeat someone's name a few times in your head after you first meet them. You can also try relating the name to something familiar, such as by saying to yourself, \\\"Joshua, like my nephew Joshua.\\\"\\n1-2. Accept you won't be the center of attention.\\nWhen you're out with your boyfriend's friends, remember they have a group dynamic at play. As you're new to the group, you won't understand everything. There will be inside jokes you will not understand and certain group traditions that do not involve you. Do not get offended if you're pushed slightly to the sidelines during group outings. Instead, embrace the fact the night does not revolve around you.\\nTry to keep a low profile if there is a conversation or joke occurring that you can't follow. Your boyfriend may, for example, talk about drama in the friends group that you don't fully understand. He may also reminisce about memories that do not involve you.\\nDuring these times, take a back seat. Smile and nod without trying to follow everything. It's okay to, at times, give your boyfriend some space in a social setting. In fact, this is likely to make your boyfriend's friends like you more. They will appreciate you allowing your boyfriend to have his own social life.\\n1-3. Make an effort to get to know his friends.\\nDuring social outings, see your boyfriend's friends as new potential friends for you. Try to get to know them a little. Remember, these are important people in your boyfriend's life. You should make a sincere effort to get to know them. You may either gain new friends, or gain clarity about your boyfriend’s friendships, or both.\\nAsk questions. People love talking about themselves, so ask your boyfriend's friends about their interests and hobbies. Try questions like, \\\"So, what do you do for a living?\\\", \\\"What's your favorite subject in school?\\\", and, \\\"What kind of movies do you like?\\\"\\nYou should also allow them to get to know you. Share information about yourself in return if they ask.\\n1-4. Keep your phone away.\\nNo one likes to talk to someone who's constantly on their phone. While it's okay to occasionally return a text or check your Facebook, refrain from being on your phone all night. This is especially important if someone is talking to you directly. If you want to check your phone, do so when no one's talking to you or when you're in the bathroom.\\n1-5. Do not seek out attention.\\nPeople tend to dislike those who seek out attention. Many people strive to be the center of attention, especially when trying to make an impression. However, this can easily backfire. Instead of trying to get your boyfriend's friends to notice you, try to allow people to come to you organically.\\nIf you're friendly and confident in conversation, people will be drawn to you. It will not be necessary to seek out excessive attention.\\nWhen you're with your boyfriend's friends, simply be yourself and stay calm. This will endear you to them far more than trying to impress them.\\n2. Being Kind to His Friends\\n2-1. Invite his friends out on occasion.\\nYou want to make sure you're not forming a wall between your boyfriend and his friends. If you're serious about the relationship, it's a good idea to try to make yourself part of the group. Try to include your boyfriend's friends in outings with your boyfriend on occasion. Respecting and embracing the group dynamic will make you more likable to them.\\nFor example, say you're all hanging out together watching TV and you get hungry. Instead of going out for food with your boyfriend, propose everyone go get something to eat together.\\n2-2. Allow your boyfriend to have time alone with his friends.\\nIf you don't let your boyfriend have his own space, his friends may come to resent you. You need to strive to respect his right to have his own social group. Avoid giving him a hard time when he's out with his friends. Accept the fact he will sometimes want alone time with his friends and you may not be included.\\nWhen your boyfriend is out with his friends, avoid texting or calling him excessively. It's okay to send a quick text here and there, but don't expect him to be on the phone with you all night.\\n2-3. Accept the friends he has.\\nYou may not get along with all your boyfriend's friends. Some may rub you the wrong way. You may not have a lot in common with others. However, you should never try to dictate someone's friends group. If you want to be with someone, you need to accept the people they've chosen to have in their life. In healthy relationships based on trust and respect, this should not be a problem.\\nAvoid overanalyzing his friends. You may find some people from his friends group seem odd or out of place. However, remember that people make friends during different parts of their life.\\nYour boyfriend probably has friends from different eras of his life. While he may not have a lot in common with them now, their past may bond them together. You probably have friends who you share very little common traits with, but you are close nevertheless.\\n2-4. Make nice gestures towards his friends.\\nYou don't want to bribe your boyfriend's friends into liking you. However, basic kindness can go a long way. On occasion, go a little above and beyond. Bring cookies to a party or buy a round of drinks at the bar. You can also bring board games over for game night or bring snacks to social gatherings. Small gestures here and there can make you more likable.\\n3. Being Likeable\\n3-1. Use positive body language in social settings.\\nWatch your body language when interacting with your boyfriend's friends. Something as simple as a tweak in body language can make you more likable to others.\\nKeep your arms uncrossed, as this will make you look more open.\\nUse an enthusiastic tone when talking.\\nMaintain eye contact and lean slightly towards the person you're talking to.\\n3-2. Be genuine around your boyfriend's friends.\\nDo not try to be something you're not to endear your boyfriend's friends. People don't need you to be exactly like them to like you. People are drawn to those who are genuine, even if they're different from them.\\nNever pretend to like something you don't. If you don't know anything about, say, a certain genre of movie, don't follow along as if you do. If you don't care for a certain type of music, it's okay to say so.\\nRemember, be genuine without being argumentative. You can state your opinions or interests without presenting them as superior to other people's opinions and interests.\\nIf you feel nervous and this affects your behavior, then try doing some deep breathing or give yourself a pep talk before you see your boyfriend's friends. Try telling yourself something like, \\\"You're great! Your friends love you and so will his friends. Just try to relax and be yourself.\\\"\\n3-3. Have fun with his friends.\\nStay relaxed when hanging out with your boyfriend's friends. If you get too nervous, you may forget to have fun. Your boyfriend's friends will like you more if you're fun to be around.\\nIt's normal to be nervous when meeting your boyfriend's friends. However, remind yourself you're going to a social event. This should be enjoyable.\\nDo not get too in your head about whether or not people like you. Instead, take a few deep breaths and embrace the fun.\\n3-4. Plan events for everyone's friends.\\nIf you want to be accepted into the friends group, try to merge you and your boyfriend's groups together slightly. When you make plans with your own friends, encourage your boyfriend to bring his friends along. If you encourage everyone to get together, your boyfriend's friends will grow to see you as part of the group. It will also make navigating social situations easier. If everyone is friendly with one another, you and your boyfriend can easily hang out with one another's friends in large social settings without anyone feeling awkward.\\nTips\\nDon't be mean to his friends under any circumstances. This will lead to your boyfriend's friends not accepting you and they will try to talk your boyfriend into breaking up with you.\\nTreat his friends as you would treat your own.\\nWarnings\\nDon't tell his friends embarrassing things about him. He might not have told them and he won't appreciate you telling them.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"It's important to be accepted by your boyfriend's friends. Friends are a vital part of a person's emotional wellbeing. If your boyfriend's friends dislike you, this could affect your relationship. Therefore, try to socialize with his friends effectively. Always be kind and engaged in social settings. Invite your boyfriend's friends out with the two of you and bring food and drinks to social events. With a little effort, your boyfriend's friends will grow to see you as part of the group.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Getting to Know His Friends\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Greet his friends by name.\", \"描述\": \"People generally find people more likable when they use their names. This shows that you're attentive and caring of other people. Strive to remember your boyfriend's friends names, and always use their names when greeting them.\\nFor example, when talking to a friend of your boyfriend, don't say, \\\"How are you doing?\\\" Instead, say, \\\"How are you doing, Josh?\\\" This makes the greeting a little more personal, which will make you a little more likable.\\nIf you struggle to remember names, it can help to repeat someone's name a few times in your head after you first meet them. You can also try relating the name to something familiar, such as by saying to yourself, \\\"Joshua, like my nephew Joshua.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Accept you won't be the center of attention.\", \"描述\": \"When you're out with your boyfriend's friends, remember they have a group dynamic at play. As you're new to the group, you won't understand everything. There will be inside jokes you will not understand and certain group traditions that do not involve you. Do not get offended if you're pushed slightly to the sidelines during group outings. Instead, embrace the fact the night does not revolve around you.\\nTry to keep a low profile if there is a conversation or joke occurring that you can't follow. Your boyfriend may, for example, talk about drama in the friends group that you don't fully understand. He may also reminisce about memories that do not involve you.\\nDuring these times, take a back seat. Smile and nod without trying to follow everything. It's okay to, at times, give your boyfriend some space in a social setting. In fact, this is likely to make your boyfriend's friends like you more. They will appreciate you allowing your boyfriend to have his own social life.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Make an effort to get to know his friends.\", \"描述\": \"During social outings, see your boyfriend's friends as new potential friends for you. Try to get to know them a little. Remember, these are important people in your boyfriend's life. You should make a sincere effort to get to know them. You may either gain new friends, or gain clarity about your boyfriend’s friendships, or both.\\nAsk questions. People love talking about themselves, so ask your boyfriend's friends about their interests and hobbies. Try questions like, \\\"So, what do you do for a living?\\\", \\\"What's your favorite subject in school?\\\", and, \\\"What kind of movies do you like?\\\"\\nYou should also allow them to get to know you. Share information about yourself in return if they ask.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Keep your phone away.\", \"描述\": \"No one likes to talk to someone who's constantly on their phone. While it's okay to occasionally return a text or check your Facebook, refrain from being on your phone all night. This is especially important if someone is talking to you directly. If you want to check your phone, do so when no one's talking to you or when you're in the bathroom.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Do not seek out attention.\", \"描述\": \"People tend to dislike those who seek out attention. Many people strive to be the center of attention, especially when trying to make an impression. However, this can easily backfire. Instead of trying to get your boyfriend's friends to notice you, try to allow people to come to you organically.\\nIf you're friendly and confident in conversation, people will be drawn to you. It will not be necessary to seek out excessive attention.\\nWhen you're with your boyfriend's friends, simply be yourself and stay calm. This will endear you to them far more than trying to impress them.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being Kind to His Friends\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Invite his friends out on occasion.\", \"描述\": \"You want to make sure you're not forming a wall between your boyfriend and his friends. If you're serious about the relationship, it's a good idea to try to make yourself part of the group. Try to include your boyfriend's friends in outings with your boyfriend on occasion. Respecting and embracing the group dynamic will make you more likable to them.\\nFor example, say you're all hanging out together watching TV and you get hungry. Instead of going out for food with your boyfriend, propose everyone go get something to eat together.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Allow your boyfriend to have time alone with his friends.\", \"描述\": \"If you don't let your boyfriend have his own space, his friends may come to resent you. You need to strive to respect his right to have his own social group. Avoid giving him a hard time when he's out with his friends. Accept the fact he will sometimes want alone time with his friends and you may not be included.\\nWhen your boyfriend is out with his friends, avoid texting or calling him excessively. It's okay to send a quick text here and there, but don't expect him to be on the phone with you all night.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Accept the friends he has.\", \"描述\": \"You may not get along with all your boyfriend's friends. Some may rub you the wrong way. You may not have a lot in common with others. However, you should never try to dictate someone's friends group. If you want to be with someone, you need to accept the people they've chosen to have in their life. In healthy relationships based on trust and respect, this should not be a problem.\\nAvoid overanalyzing his friends. You may find some people from his friends group seem odd or out of place. However, remember that people make friends during different parts of their life.\\nYour boyfriend probably has friends from different eras of his life. While he may not have a lot in common with them now, their past may bond them together. You probably have friends who you share very little common traits with, but you are close nevertheless.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Make nice gestures towards his friends.\", \"描述\": \"You don't want to bribe your boyfriend's friends into liking you. However, basic kindness can go a long way. On occasion, go a little above and beyond. Bring cookies to a party or buy a round of drinks at the bar. You can also bring board games over for game night or bring snacks to social gatherings. Small gestures here and there can make you more likable.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Being Likeable\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Use positive body language in social settings.\", \"描述\": \"Watch your body language when interacting with your boyfriend's friends. Something as simple as a tweak in body language can make you more likable to others.\\nKeep your arms uncrossed, as this will make you look more open.\\nUse an enthusiastic tone when talking.\\nMaintain eye contact and lean slightly towards the person you're talking to.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be genuine around your boyfriend's friends.\", \"描述\": \"Do not try to be something you're not to endear your boyfriend's friends. People don't need you to be exactly like them to like you. People are drawn to those who are genuine, even if they're different from them.\\nNever pretend to like something you don't. If you don't know anything about, say, a certain genre of movie, don't follow along as if you do. If you don't care for a certain type of music, it's okay to say so.\\nRemember, be genuine without being argumentative. You can state your opinions or interests without presenting them as superior to other people's opinions and interests.\\nIf you feel nervous and this affects your behavior, then try doing some deep breathing or give yourself a pep talk before you see your boyfriend's friends. Try telling yourself something like, \\\"You're great! Your friends love you and so will his friends. Just try to relax and be yourself.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Have fun with his friends.\", \"描述\": \"Stay relaxed when hanging out with your boyfriend's friends. If you get too nervous, you may forget to have fun. Your boyfriend's friends will like you more if you're fun to be around.\\nIt's normal to be nervous when meeting your boyfriend's friends. However, remind yourself you're going to a social event. This should be enjoyable.\\nDo not get too in your head about whether or not people like you. Instead, take a few deep breaths and embrace the fun.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Plan events for everyone's friends.\", \"描述\": \"If you want to be accepted into the friends group, try to merge you and your boyfriend's groups together slightly. When you make plans with your own friends, encourage your boyfriend to bring his friends along. If you encourage everyone to get together, your boyfriend's friends will grow to see you as part of the group. It will also make navigating social situations easier. If everyone is friendly with one another, you and your boyfriend can easily hang out with one another's friends in large social settings without anyone feeling awkward.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Don't be mean to his friends under any circumstances. This will lead to your boyfriend's friends not accepting you and they will try to talk your boyfriend into breaking up with you.\\n\", \"Treat his friends as you would treat your own.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Don't tell his friends embarrassing things about him. He might not have told them and he won't appreciate you telling them.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,527 | How to Be Accountable | 1. Being Accountable at Work
1-1. Seek feedback from your boss.
A great way to begin building accountability at work is seeking feedback from the people you work with. Depending on what your job entails, specifically regarding your position in a hierarchy, you can seek feedback from those above you, those on your level, and those under you.
Your job may already have specific performance standards in place which are reviewed periodically by supervisors, but you can show your boss that accountability is important to you by actively seeking extra feedback about your performance. You might seek feedback regarding a specific project or assignment you recently finished, or you might want get a general idea for how you are doing.
Show initiative by asking people in leadership positions questions about what they do and ways you can help them. This builds trust and rapport.
1-2. Ask your peers how you are doing.
It’s also good to seek feedback from the people you work with day to day, even when they have no power or authority over you. You need to know whether the people you work with can count on you or not.
Be sure to ask questions that are specific to get the feedback you desire. For example, you might say something like, "I worked really hard on that presentation, but I'd love some feedback on where I could improve. Do you have any input?"
1-3. Ask your subordinates how you can improve.
As a manager, or any upper level position, you don’t want to make all the decisions on your own and never ask how people feel you are leading. Approach subordinates in the right way so you don’t seem like you lack authority. Just be genuine and tell those below you that you want to know how they think you are doing at your job.
Try creating an anonymous survey that you can distribute to your employees. This may provide you with more honest feedback because they will be less likely to worry about the comments they make backfiring on them.
1-4. Implement the feedback you receive.
Asking your boss, peers, and subordinates for feedback on your performance is useless if you don’t take the feedback into consideration and find ways to implement it. Maybe you can’t do exactly what the critique entails, but you can use it as a springboard for making changes.
Make sure that you do not take the feedback personally. Look at it as an opportunity to improve.
One way to make implementing feedback less intimidating is to gamify it. For instance, you can write down your goal and then track how long it takes you to do your task, like enter data in a spreadsheet. Then, you can try to beat that time the next time.
1-5. Be honest about the results of your work.
You may spend a lot of time working with a team, and the results are the culmination of everyone’s effort. In some settings, it may be possible to hide or be a little dishonest about the work you accomplished. Being accountable means fully owning up to whatever comes of your work.
This is hardest when you have made a mistake or have not quite made the best of an opportunity you have been given. It may feel natural to shift the blame or make excuses that focus on outside forces, but being upfront and honest about your work is an important aspect of accountability. Owning up to shortcomings will show the people you work with and for that you are not trying to hide anything.
When you do mess up, and you have to be honest with someone about the mistake, it is always good to have an idea or plan for how to remedy the situation. Being honest and owning the mistake is the first step, but there is most likely still something that needs to happen. Having a solution to the problem ready when you admit the mistake will help ease the tension and show that you are not giving up.
Think of it this way—you're powerless when you blame somebody or something for a problem. When you take responsibility, you become empowered rather than being the victim of those circumstances.
1-6. Make time for solo work.
If you work in an office and you usually have your door open, try shutting it for a couple days. An open door invites people to stop and talk, even if it isn’t about work. Closing the door more often will give you the privacy to focus more on work and less on interacting with people.
Be sure to avoid digital distractions during this time as well. Log out of your social media accounts and shut off your phone.
1-7. Prioritize your tasks
In a given day of work, you might have five or more things that need to get done. However, not all of the tasks have the same level of priority. Get in the practice of working on the most important things first and putting off the things that can wait.
1-8. Set specific time limits.
For less important tasks, force yourself to limit how long you spend on them. Don’t spend a whole hour clearing out spam email if someone is waiting for an email response from you. Knock out an important task that you know will take a while, and then balance it with a short, lower priority task. Alternating in this way can boost your efficiency.
1-9. Keep a time log of how you spend each day for a week.
At the end of the day, or periodically throughout the day, write down what you do and how long you spend doing it. You may be surprised where your time actually goes. It’s probably best not to show your boss this log, but it will help you see what is draining your time and you can work on reducing those time-wasters.
2. Managing Money Responsibly
2-1. Make a complete list current spending.
The first step to money accountability is just taking stock of what your expenses are. The list needs to include not just definite expenses like bills, but also extras that you consistently spend money on. If you know that eating fast food for lunch is a frequent practice, write it down. Maybe you have a pet that you spend consistent money on, write it down.
2-2. Make a budget.
The point of a budget is to work for you by designating where your money will go. Some people see this as restrictive, but at its best it takes the pressure off you because you have a plan for what money goes where. Rather than being optimistic that you will stop spending on certain things, include them in the budget so you will be prepared for them.
2-3. Calculate your income.
To complete a budget to the fullest extent, start out by figuring out your income, which you could do based on weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, and maybe even yearly income. It sort of depends on how often you get paid. Making a precise accounting of your income is essential to making a budget that will work.
2-4. List your expenses thoroughly.
In regards to expenses, don’t go totally overboard, but try to list anything you can think of that you consistently have to spend money on. This would most likely include, but not be limited to: rent/mortgage, car payment, groceries, utilities (water, electric, gas, internet, cable), gas for the car, car/health/home insurance, student loans. Depending on your situation, you may not have some of these, but you could also have many other ones.
2-5. Allocate your entire income.
If you have all of your expenses covered in the budget--all of the things you absolutely have to pay for--and you still have money left over, consider whether you want to spend this money, give it to charity, put it into a specific savings account you won’t touch, or perhaps find a way to invest it. Whatever you do with the leftover, find a way to designate the entire income.
2-6. Track your expenses.
This practice acts as a double check to the budget you have in place. The budget tells you, “this is what you are allowed to spend,” while tracking it completes the cycle and says, “this is what you spent.” In general, making a budget is a one time--or rare occasion--event, but keeping track of what you spend is a day to day habit you have to work at.
Figure out what the best method will be for you to keep track. You can go with the simple method of having a notebook that is designated as a spending log. Keep it with you all the time and write down each time you spend money. Or, if you can remember, wait until the end of the day to write the accumulated expenditures of the day. Keeping your receipts for each purchase could be a good idea.
If the notebook method doesn’t work, maybe you are more tech oriented and you can keep a spreadsheet on your computer, or a detailed note on your phone or tablet. This could be a good option for the added benefit of calculation features that spreadsheet software offers.
Consider signing up for a money management service like Mint, Good Budget, or Money Manager.
2-7. Pay off credit card bills immediately.
Credit cards can be a great convenience, especially if you have an income is that is inconsistent, but they can also lead to serious financial problems. Despite what you might think, as evidenced by many people’s habits, credit cards are meant to be a temporary payment option that you then repay. Racking up expenses on credit cards and paying the minimum each month is only going to increase your debt.
If you are already in credit card debt, it is probably best to seek further financial counseling, but if you don’t yet have credit cards, or just recently got one, you can start responsible practices right now.
Think of a credit card in terms of accountability: the credit card company bought something on your behalf with the express agreement that you would pay them back promptly. Paying them back a little at a time, or defaulting on payments completely, is not showing good accountability on your part.
2-8. Use the credit card only when you absolutely have to.
Don’t buy a $2000 TV on credit if you know your income can’t handle paying that off quickly. Credit cards are not good when they allow you to live beyond your means momentarily, because then you end up in financial trouble with a hard road out of it.
2-9. Pay the entire bill.
Before you make a purchase, have a plan for where the money is going to come from to pay the debt. When the bill comes, pay the whole month’s worth of expenses off rather than allowing some of what’s due to roll over. Anything you don’t pay off immediately is going to amount to you paying more than you spent.
3. Setting Goals and Sticking to Them
3-1. Establish a personal mission statement.
A great way to begin working on your personal accountability is to think about what your mission in life is. You could make one overall mission statement, or a few separate ones, each focusing on one area of your life. The point of a mission statement is to clearly define what you see as your purpose and also define what ways you plan to follow and achieve that purpose.
Maybe you have not spent much time considering what your life’s purpose is, but this is an important piece of goal setting and goal fulfillment. Without a specific overall goal for your life, smaller goals may end up being inconsequential.
Once you have considered your purpose and written out a succinct but thorough mission statement, you can begin to make decisions based on it. Keep it somewhere you will remember and refer to it once a week or more to keep fresh in your mind what you have committed to.
3-2. Set SMART goals.
SMART goals have long been a practice in the business and personal growth sectors, and using this technique can make a significant impact in keeping yourself accountable to the goals you set. SMART is an acronym whose letters stand for: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-bound. It’s worth noting that the “R” is sometimes called “Relevant” or “Results-oriented.” Write these goals and refer back to them frequently to keep yourself accountable to reaching them.
Make sure to reevaluate the goals you set occasionally as well.
3-3. Make your goals specific.
This means making them detailed and avoiding vague ideas. For example, you might set the goal to become a published author, but this is a pretty general goal. A more specific goal would be to get an article of satire published in the New Yorker magazine. Specific goals keep you accountable by not settling for less than what the goal intended.
3-4. Set goals that are measurable.
This means having criteria that will determine if the goal was met. It should add concreteness to the goal. Sticking with the author example, you could add to the goal what number of articles you want to publish. Is it just one, or is your goal higher? Getting the first one done would be a measurable milestone which shows you are working toward your goal.
Set goals that are based on specific actions rather than emotions. Focus on what you want to accomplish rather than what you want to feel.
3-5. Consider whether your goals are attainable.
This means taking stock of what will be necessary to meet the goal. This is the time to consider financial, time, and energy costs that the goal will require. To publish an article, you might need to spend many hours across many weeks researching, writing and editing. You might need to spend money to mail the manuscript. You might need to stay up late nights and lose some sleep. So the “attainable” aspect of the goal counts the cost to meet the goal.
3-6. Check to see if your goals are realistic.
This means taking an honest look at yourself and your situation. You will need both motivation and ability to achieve any goal you set. Take stock of how hard you are willing to work and what level of ability you have as it pertains to a certain goal. If you consistently slacked off in English class and your friends are constantly correcting your grammar, writing for the New Yorker may not be realistic for you. However, almost any goal can be made realistic if the motivation to achieve it is high enough.
Taking a 10-minute walk each day would be considered a realistic goal, while expecting yourself to walk for an entire hour would be unrealistic.
You can always increase your goal after you reach your initial one. For instance, after taking a daily 10-minute walk for 2 weeks, you could increase your total daily walking time to 20 minutes.
3-7. Make your goals time-bound.
This means having a definite time range in mind in which to meet the goal. Goals that could drag on inevitably into the future are likely to be consistently put off in service of other priorities. Deciding on the time aspect of the goal should be relatively easy and will often be determined by forces outside your control. Setting the goal of getting published within a year helps you prioritize that goal around other things.
3-8. Create to do lists.
In the service of following your mission statement and setting SMART goals, you will need to have smaller sets of tasks necessary to achieve those larger goals. You can write up to do lists on a daily basis that will help direct the time you spend each day, and you can write up to do lists that are more ongoing and could span a week, month or the whole year.
Make long-term to do lists and prioritize which things need to be done first, second, and so on. For to do lists that you know will last a while, try to think about doing one or two of the tasks each day until they are all accomplished.
3-9. Cross off every task on your to do list.
Leaving things unfinished can begin to create a feeling of stress because you have things looming over you that are not done. Finishing one task at a time will help you see that you are accountable to the lists that you make for yourself.
3-10. Create micro-goals.
For every big life goal you set, there are 5, 10 or 20 small steps that have to be taken to achieve that goal. Therefore, micro-goals are the individual steps that are necessary. They are not only goals that will happen a little while down the road, they are goals that you will diligently begin to achieve ASAP.
For example, if you want to lose 50 pounds in one year’s time, the steps will include exercising more, eating less, and establishing an overall routine. A micro-goal could be, “Today I will not eat junk food and I will walk one mile.” Micro-goals are baby steps that become the foundation for larger, ultimate goals.
4. Honoring Your Commitments
4-1. Keep promises you make.
Everyone has experienced a broken promise, at some point in their life, and knows how serious the repercussions can be. Seeing promises as a sacred responsibility can add the weight to them that’s necessary to help you keep them. If you see a promise as something truly important, then you will do whatever is in your power to keep it.
It can also be really important to give proper time to considering whether or not you should make a promise in the first place. Think about what it will take to fulfill a promise and honestly assess whether or not you can keep it. It is way easier to refrain from making a promise to someone than it is to explain why you didn’t keep it.
When you do break a promise, being accountable means confessing to your lapse and sincerely saying you are sorry. In many cases, this will not take away the consequences of the broken promise, but accepting those consequences is better than avoiding them.
You have to really step-out of the victim mentality. You are the sole responsible for what you do and for the decisions you make. There's no one else to blame. So, be accountable for your role.
4-2. Negotiate towards an agreement.
If someone asks something of you that you are doubtful that you can deliver on, you can either say yes and hope you make it work, or you can say no. Saying no can be a good option if you couple it with a counter-offer. Rather than accepting terms that you may end up failing to meet, find a way to compromise that gives you a better chance of success.
Sometimes you may disappoint people by not being able to agree to exactly what they ask of you, but the small disappointment will most likely be outweighed by you fulfilling the agreement. If you agree to something and then fail to deliver, more than disappointment, the other person will probably experience anger at you.
If you try to negotiate something that you feel confident you can achieve, and the person is unwilling to compromise on their original preference, you should say no if this is at all an option. Tell the person you do not feel you can deliver what they are asking and that you would rather say no than agree to it and end up failing.
4-3. Get it in writing.
A great way to practice being accountable is making up a detailed written agreement when you are making commitments to someone. This may be excessive in some cases, but if you do it even when it’s unnecessary it will help create the habit of following through. Writing out what you are committing to helps promote accountability because it makes it so you can remember the specifics of what you agree to. It’s hard to honor a commitment if you forget that you made it.
The specific situation you are in will dictate how detailed of a written agreement you should make. Jotting a brief note to yourself may be enough, but the situation may also warrant a thoroughly detailed contract between you and someone else. You may both want to sign and date it for any potential legal consequences of the agreement.
At the very least, writing down your commitments will help you remember, and at the most it could serve as evidence for the future.
Tips
Don’t try to tackle every aspect of accountability in all areas at once. Pick a couple specific steps that you can take right now and let those steps be building blocks for further development.
In most areas of accountability, it is helpful to tell someone what you are working toward and have them keep you on track.
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"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Being Accountable at Work\\n1-1. Seek feedback from your boss.\\nA great way to begin building accountability at work is seeking feedback from the people you work with. Depending on what your job entails, specifically regarding your position in a hierarchy, you can seek feedback from those above you, those on your level, and those under you.\\nYour job may already have specific performance standards in place which are reviewed periodically by supervisors, but you can show your boss that accountability is important to you by actively seeking extra feedback about your performance. You might seek feedback regarding a specific project or assignment you recently finished, or you might want get a general idea for how you are doing.\\nShow initiative by asking people in leadership positions questions about what they do and ways you can help them. This builds trust and rapport.\\n1-2. Ask your peers how you are doing.\\nIt’s also good to seek feedback from the people you work with day to day, even when they have no power or authority over you. You need to know whether the people you work with can count on you or not.\\nBe sure to ask questions that are specific to get the feedback you desire. For example, you might say something like, \\\"I worked really hard on that presentation, but I'd love some feedback on where I could improve. Do you have any input?\\\"\\n1-3. Ask your subordinates how you can improve.\\nAs a manager, or any upper level position, you don’t want to make all the decisions on your own and never ask how people feel you are leading. Approach subordinates in the right way so you don’t seem like you lack authority. Just be genuine and tell those below you that you want to know how they think you are doing at your job.\\nTry creating an anonymous survey that you can distribute to your employees. This may provide you with more honest feedback because they will be less likely to worry about the comments they make backfiring on them.\\n1-4. Implement the feedback you receive.\\nAsking your boss, peers, and subordinates for feedback on your performance is useless if you don’t take the feedback into consideration and find ways to implement it. Maybe you can’t do exactly what the critique entails, but you can use it as a springboard for making changes.\\nMake sure that you do not take the feedback personally. Look at it as an opportunity to improve.\\nOne way to make implementing feedback less intimidating is to gamify it. For instance, you can write down your goal and then track how long it takes you to do your task, like enter data in a spreadsheet. Then, you can try to beat that time the next time.\\n1-5. Be honest about the results of your work.\\nYou may spend a lot of time working with a team, and the results are the culmination of everyone’s effort. In some settings, it may be possible to hide or be a little dishonest about the work you accomplished. Being accountable means fully owning up to whatever comes of your work.\\nThis is hardest when you have made a mistake or have not quite made the best of an opportunity you have been given. It may feel natural to shift the blame or make excuses that focus on outside forces, but being upfront and honest about your work is an important aspect of accountability. Owning up to shortcomings will show the people you work with and for that you are not trying to hide anything.\\nWhen you do mess up, and you have to be honest with someone about the mistake, it is always good to have an idea or plan for how to remedy the situation. Being honest and owning the mistake is the first step, but there is most likely still something that needs to happen. Having a solution to the problem ready when you admit the mistake will help ease the tension and show that you are not giving up.\\nThink of it this way—you're powerless when you blame somebody or something for a problem. When you take responsibility, you become empowered rather than being the victim of those circumstances.\\n1-6. Make time for solo work.\\nIf you work in an office and you usually have your door open, try shutting it for a couple days. An open door invites people to stop and talk, even if it isn’t about work. Closing the door more often will give you the privacy to focus more on work and less on interacting with people.\\nBe sure to avoid digital distractions during this time as well. Log out of your social media accounts and shut off your phone.\\n1-7. Prioritize your tasks\\nIn a given day of work, you might have five or more things that need to get done. However, not all of the tasks have the same level of priority. Get in the practice of working on the most important things first and putting off the things that can wait.\\n1-8. Set specific time limits.\\nFor less important tasks, force yourself to limit how long you spend on them. Don’t spend a whole hour clearing out spam email if someone is waiting for an email response from you. Knock out an important task that you know will take a while, and then balance it with a short, lower priority task. Alternating in this way can boost your efficiency.\\n1-9. Keep a time log of how you spend each day for a week.\\nAt the end of the day, or periodically throughout the day, write down what you do and how long you spend doing it. You may be surprised where your time actually goes. It’s probably best not to show your boss this log, but it will help you see what is draining your time and you can work on reducing those time-wasters.\\n2. Managing Money Responsibly\\n2-1. Make a complete list current spending.\\nThe first step to money accountability is just taking stock of what your expenses are. The list needs to include not just definite expenses like bills, but also extras that you consistently spend money on. If you know that eating fast food for lunch is a frequent practice, write it down. Maybe you have a pet that you spend consistent money on, write it down.\\n2-2. Make a budget.\\nThe point of a budget is to work for you by designating where your money will go. Some people see this as restrictive, but at its best it takes the pressure off you because you have a plan for what money goes where. Rather than being optimistic that you will stop spending on certain things, include them in the budget so you will be prepared for them.\\n2-3. Calculate your income.\\nTo complete a budget to the fullest extent, start out by figuring out your income, which you could do based on weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, and maybe even yearly income. It sort of depends on how often you get paid. Making a precise accounting of your income is essential to making a budget that will work.\\n2-4. List your expenses thoroughly.\\nIn regards to expenses, don’t go totally overboard, but try to list anything you can think of that you consistently have to spend money on. This would most likely include, but not be limited to: rent/mortgage, car payment, groceries, utilities (water, electric, gas, internet, cable), gas for the car, car/health/home insurance, student loans. Depending on your situation, you may not have some of these, but you could also have many other ones.\\n2-5. Allocate your entire income.\\nIf you have all of your expenses covered in the budget--all of the things you absolutely have to pay for--and you still have money left over, consider whether you want to spend this money, give it to charity, put it into a specific savings account you won’t touch, or perhaps find a way to invest it. Whatever you do with the leftover, find a way to designate the entire income.\\n2-6. Track your expenses.\\nThis practice acts as a double check to the budget you have in place. The budget tells you, “this is what you are allowed to spend,” while tracking it completes the cycle and says, “this is what you spent.” In general, making a budget is a one time--or rare occasion--event, but keeping track of what you spend is a day to day habit you have to work at.\\nFigure out what the best method will be for you to keep track. You can go with the simple method of having a notebook that is designated as a spending log. Keep it with you all the time and write down each time you spend money. Or, if you can remember, wait until the end of the day to write the accumulated expenditures of the day. Keeping your receipts for each purchase could be a good idea.\\nIf the notebook method doesn’t work, maybe you are more tech oriented and you can keep a spreadsheet on your computer, or a detailed note on your phone or tablet. This could be a good option for the added benefit of calculation features that spreadsheet software offers.\\nConsider signing up for a money management service like Mint, Good Budget, or Money Manager.\\n2-7. Pay off credit card bills immediately.\\nCredit cards can be a great convenience, especially if you have an income is that is inconsistent, but they can also lead to serious financial problems. Despite what you might think, as evidenced by many people’s habits, credit cards are meant to be a temporary payment option that you then repay. Racking up expenses on credit cards and paying the minimum each month is only going to increase your debt.\\nIf you are already in credit card debt, it is probably best to seek further financial counseling, but if you don’t yet have credit cards, or just recently got one, you can start responsible practices right now.\\nThink of a credit card in terms of accountability: the credit card company bought something on your behalf with the express agreement that you would pay them back promptly. Paying them back a little at a time, or defaulting on payments completely, is not showing good accountability on your part.\\n2-8. Use the credit card only when you absolutely have to.\\nDon’t buy a $2000 TV on credit if you know your income can’t handle paying that off quickly. Credit cards are not good when they allow you to live beyond your means momentarily, because then you end up in financial trouble with a hard road out of it.\\n2-9. Pay the entire bill.\\nBefore you make a purchase, have a plan for where the money is going to come from to pay the debt. When the bill comes, pay the whole month’s worth of expenses off rather than allowing some of what’s due to roll over. Anything you don’t pay off immediately is going to amount to you paying more than you spent.\\n3. Setting Goals and Sticking to Them\\n3-1. Establish a personal mission statement.\\nA great way to begin working on your personal accountability is to think about what your mission in life is. You could make one overall mission statement, or a few separate ones, each focusing on one area of your life. The point of a mission statement is to clearly define what you see as your purpose and also define what ways you plan to follow and achieve that purpose.\\nMaybe you have not spent much time considering what your life’s purpose is, but this is an important piece of goal setting and goal fulfillment. Without a specific overall goal for your life, smaller goals may end up being inconsequential.\\nOnce you have considered your purpose and written out a succinct but thorough mission statement, you can begin to make decisions based on it. Keep it somewhere you will remember and refer to it once a week or more to keep fresh in your mind what you have committed to.\\n3-2. Set SMART goals.\\nSMART goals have long been a practice in the business and personal growth sectors, and using this technique can make a significant impact in keeping yourself accountable to the goals you set. SMART is an acronym whose letters stand for: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-bound. It’s worth noting that the “R” is sometimes called “Relevant” or “Results-oriented.” Write these goals and refer back to them frequently to keep yourself accountable to reaching them. \\nMake sure to reevaluate the goals you set occasionally as well.\\n3-3. Make your goals specific.\\nThis means making them detailed and avoiding vague ideas. For example, you might set the goal to become a published author, but this is a pretty general goal. A more specific goal would be to get an article of satire published in the New Yorker magazine. Specific goals keep you accountable by not settling for less than what the goal intended.\\n3-4. Set goals that are measurable.\\nThis means having criteria that will determine if the goal was met. It should add concreteness to the goal. Sticking with the author example, you could add to the goal what number of articles you want to publish. Is it just one, or is your goal higher? Getting the first one done would be a measurable milestone which shows you are working toward your goal.\\nSet goals that are based on specific actions rather than emotions. Focus on what you want to accomplish rather than what you want to feel.\\n3-5. Consider whether your goals are attainable.\\nThis means taking stock of what will be necessary to meet the goal. This is the time to consider financial, time, and energy costs that the goal will require. To publish an article, you might need to spend many hours across many weeks researching, writing and editing. You might need to spend money to mail the manuscript. You might need to stay up late nights and lose some sleep. So the “attainable” aspect of the goal counts the cost to meet the goal.\\n3-6. Check to see if your goals are realistic.\\nThis means taking an honest look at yourself and your situation. You will need both motivation and ability to achieve any goal you set. Take stock of how hard you are willing to work and what level of ability you have as it pertains to a certain goal. If you consistently slacked off in English class and your friends are constantly correcting your grammar, writing for the New Yorker may not be realistic for you. However, almost any goal can be made realistic if the motivation to achieve it is high enough.\\nTaking a 10-minute walk each day would be considered a realistic goal, while expecting yourself to walk for an entire hour would be unrealistic.\\nYou can always increase your goal after you reach your initial one. For instance, after taking a daily 10-minute walk for 2 weeks, you could increase your total daily walking time to 20 minutes.\\n3-7. Make your goals time-bound.\\nThis means having a definite time range in mind in which to meet the goal. Goals that could drag on inevitably into the future are likely to be consistently put off in service of other priorities. Deciding on the time aspect of the goal should be relatively easy and will often be determined by forces outside your control. Setting the goal of getting published within a year helps you prioritize that goal around other things.\\n3-8. Create to do lists.\\nIn the service of following your mission statement and setting SMART goals, you will need to have smaller sets of tasks necessary to achieve those larger goals. You can write up to do lists on a daily basis that will help direct the time you spend each day, and you can write up to do lists that are more ongoing and could span a week, month or the whole year.\\nMake long-term to do lists and prioritize which things need to be done first, second, and so on. For to do lists that you know will last a while, try to think about doing one or two of the tasks each day until they are all accomplished.\\n3-9. Cross off every task on your to do list.\\nLeaving things unfinished can begin to create a feeling of stress because you have things looming over you that are not done. Finishing one task at a time will help you see that you are accountable to the lists that you make for yourself.\\n3-10. Create micro-goals.\\nFor every big life goal you set, there are 5, 10 or 20 small steps that have to be taken to achieve that goal. Therefore, micro-goals are the individual steps that are necessary. They are not only goals that will happen a little while down the road, they are goals that you will diligently begin to achieve ASAP.\\nFor example, if you want to lose 50 pounds in one year’s time, the steps will include exercising more, eating less, and establishing an overall routine. A micro-goal could be, “Today I will not eat junk food and I will walk one mile.” Micro-goals are baby steps that become the foundation for larger, ultimate goals.\\n4. Honoring Your Commitments\\n4-1. Keep promises you make.\\nEveryone has experienced a broken promise, at some point in their life, and knows how serious the repercussions can be. Seeing promises as a sacred responsibility can add the weight to them that’s necessary to help you keep them. If you see a promise as something truly important, then you will do whatever is in your power to keep it.\\nIt can also be really important to give proper time to considering whether or not you should make a promise in the first place. Think about what it will take to fulfill a promise and honestly assess whether or not you can keep it. It is way easier to refrain from making a promise to someone than it is to explain why you didn’t keep it.\\nWhen you do break a promise, being accountable means confessing to your lapse and sincerely saying you are sorry. In many cases, this will not take away the consequences of the broken promise, but accepting those consequences is better than avoiding them.\\nYou have to really step-out of the victim mentality. You are the sole responsible for what you do and for the decisions you make. There's no one else to blame. So, be accountable for your role.\\n4-2. Negotiate towards an agreement.\\nIf someone asks something of you that you are doubtful that you can deliver on, you can either say yes and hope you make it work, or you can say no. Saying no can be a good option if you couple it with a counter-offer. Rather than accepting terms that you may end up failing to meet, find a way to compromise that gives you a better chance of success.\\nSometimes you may disappoint people by not being able to agree to exactly what they ask of you, but the small disappointment will most likely be outweighed by you fulfilling the agreement. If you agree to something and then fail to deliver, more than disappointment, the other person will probably experience anger at you.\\nIf you try to negotiate something that you feel confident you can achieve, and the person is unwilling to compromise on their original preference, you should say no if this is at all an option. Tell the person you do not feel you can deliver what they are asking and that you would rather say no than agree to it and end up failing.\\n4-3. Get it in writing.\\nA great way to practice being accountable is making up a detailed written agreement when you are making commitments to someone. This may be excessive in some cases, but if you do it even when it’s unnecessary it will help create the habit of following through. Writing out what you are committing to helps promote accountability because it makes it so you can remember the specifics of what you agree to. It’s hard to honor a commitment if you forget that you made it.\\nThe specific situation you are in will dictate how detailed of a written agreement you should make. Jotting a brief note to yourself may be enough, but the situation may also warrant a thoroughly detailed contract between you and someone else. You may both want to sign and date it for any potential legal consequences of the agreement.\\nAt the very least, writing down your commitments will help you remember, and at the most it could serve as evidence for the future.\\nTips\\nDon’t try to tackle every aspect of accountability in all areas at once. Pick a couple specific steps that you can take right now and let those steps be building blocks for further development.\\nIn most areas of accountability, it is helpful to tell someone what you are working toward and have them keep you on track.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"The idea of being accountable can seem pretty daunting, especially because it can apply to every area of your life in different ways. Being accountable doesn’t mean the same thing in every situation, but there are some basics that you can begin practicing to get better at being accountable. You can learn to be accountable at work, with your money, with goals and with commitments through steps such as being honest, making a budget, setting SMART goals, and keeping promises.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Being Accountable at Work\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Seek feedback from your boss.\", \"描述\": \"A great way to begin building accountability at work is seeking feedback from the people you work with. Depending on what your job entails, specifically regarding your position in a hierarchy, you can seek feedback from those above you, those on your level, and those under you.\\nYour job may already have specific performance standards in place which are reviewed periodically by supervisors, but you can show your boss that accountability is important to you by actively seeking extra feedback about your performance. You might seek feedback regarding a specific project or assignment you recently finished, or you might want get a general idea for how you are doing.\\nShow initiative by asking people in leadership positions questions about what they do and ways you can help them. This builds trust and rapport.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Ask your peers how you are doing.\", \"描述\": \"It’s also good to seek feedback from the people you work with day to day, even when they have no power or authority over you. You need to know whether the people you work with can count on you or not.\\nBe sure to ask questions that are specific to get the feedback you desire. For example, you might say something like, \\\"I worked really hard on that presentation, but I'd love some feedback on where I could improve. Do you have any input?\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Ask your subordinates how you can improve.\", \"描述\": \"As a manager, or any upper level position, you don’t want to make all the decisions on your own and never ask how people feel you are leading. Approach subordinates in the right way so you don’t seem like you lack authority. Just be genuine and tell those below you that you want to know how they think you are doing at your job.\\nTry creating an anonymous survey that you can distribute to your employees. This may provide you with more honest feedback because they will be less likely to worry about the comments they make backfiring on them.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Implement the feedback you receive.\", \"描述\": \"Asking your boss, peers, and subordinates for feedback on your performance is useless if you don’t take the feedback into consideration and find ways to implement it. Maybe you can’t do exactly what the critique entails, but you can use it as a springboard for making changes.\\nMake sure that you do not take the feedback personally. Look at it as an opportunity to improve.\\nOne way to make implementing feedback less intimidating is to gamify it. For instance, you can write down your goal and then track how long it takes you to do your task, like enter data in a spreadsheet. Then, you can try to beat that time the next time.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be honest about the results of your work.\", \"描述\": \"You may spend a lot of time working with a team, and the results are the culmination of everyone’s effort. In some settings, it may be possible to hide or be a little dishonest about the work you accomplished. Being accountable means fully owning up to whatever comes of your work.\\nThis is hardest when you have made a mistake or have not quite made the best of an opportunity you have been given. It may feel natural to shift the blame or make excuses that focus on outside forces, but being upfront and honest about your work is an important aspect of accountability. Owning up to shortcomings will show the people you work with and for that you are not trying to hide anything.\\nWhen you do mess up, and you have to be honest with someone about the mistake, it is always good to have an idea or plan for how to remedy the situation. Being honest and owning the mistake is the first step, but there is most likely still something that needs to happen. Having a solution to the problem ready when you admit the mistake will help ease the tension and show that you are not giving up.\\nThink of it this way—you're powerless when you blame somebody or something for a problem. When you take responsibility, you become empowered rather than being the victim of those circumstances.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Make time for solo work.\", \"描述\": \"If you work in an office and you usually have your door open, try shutting it for a couple days. An open door invites people to stop and talk, even if it isn’t about work. Closing the door more often will give you the privacy to focus more on work and less on interacting with people.\\nBe sure to avoid digital distractions during this time as well. Log out of your social media accounts and shut off your phone.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Prioritize your tasks\", \"描述\": \"In a given day of work, you might have five or more things that need to get done. However, not all of the tasks have the same level of priority. Get in the practice of working on the most important things first and putting off the things that can wait.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Set specific time limits.\", \"描述\": \"For less important tasks, force yourself to limit how long you spend on them. Don’t spend a whole hour clearing out spam email if someone is waiting for an email response from you. Knock out an important task that you know will take a while, and then balance it with a short, lower priority task. Alternating in this way can boost your efficiency.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Keep a time log of how you spend each day for a week.\", \"描述\": \"At the end of the day, or periodically throughout the day, write down what you do and how long you spend doing it. You may be surprised where your time actually goes. It’s probably best not to show your boss this log, but it will help you see what is draining your time and you can work on reducing those time-wasters.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Managing Money Responsibly\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make a complete list current spending.\", \"描述\": \"The first step to money accountability is just taking stock of what your expenses are. The list needs to include not just definite expenses like bills, but also extras that you consistently spend money on. If you know that eating fast food for lunch is a frequent practice, write it down. Maybe you have a pet that you spend consistent money on, write it down.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Make a budget.\", \"描述\": \"The point of a budget is to work for you by designating where your money will go. Some people see this as restrictive, but at its best it takes the pressure off you because you have a plan for what money goes where. Rather than being optimistic that you will stop spending on certain things, include them in the budget so you will be prepared for them.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Calculate your income.\", \"描述\": \"To complete a budget to the fullest extent, start out by figuring out your income, which you could do based on weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, and maybe even yearly income. It sort of depends on how often you get paid. Making a precise accounting of your income is essential to making a budget that will work.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"List your expenses thoroughly.\", \"描述\": \"In regards to expenses, don’t go totally overboard, but try to list anything you can think of that you consistently have to spend money on. This would most likely include, but not be limited to: rent/mortgage, car payment, groceries, utilities (water, electric, gas, internet, cable), gas for the car, car/health/home insurance, student loans. Depending on your situation, you may not have some of these, but you could also have many other ones.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Allocate your entire income.\", \"描述\": \"If you have all of your expenses covered in the budget--all of the things you absolutely have to pay for--and you still have money left over, consider whether you want to spend this money, give it to charity, put it into a specific savings account you won’t touch, or perhaps find a way to invest it. Whatever you do with the leftover, find a way to designate the entire income.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Track your expenses.\", \"描述\": \"This practice acts as a double check to the budget you have in place. The budget tells you, “this is what you are allowed to spend,” while tracking it completes the cycle and says, “this is what you spent.” In general, making a budget is a one time--or rare occasion--event, but keeping track of what you spend is a day to day habit you have to work at.\\nFigure out what the best method will be for you to keep track. You can go with the simple method of having a notebook that is designated as a spending log. Keep it with you all the time and write down each time you spend money. Or, if you can remember, wait until the end of the day to write the accumulated expenditures of the day. Keeping your receipts for each purchase could be a good idea.\\nIf the notebook method doesn’t work, maybe you are more tech oriented and you can keep a spreadsheet on your computer, or a detailed note on your phone or tablet. This could be a good option for the added benefit of calculation features that spreadsheet software offers.\\nConsider signing up for a money management service like Mint, Good Budget, or Money Manager.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Pay off credit card bills immediately.\", \"描述\": \"Credit cards can be a great convenience, especially if you have an income is that is inconsistent, but they can also lead to serious financial problems. Despite what you might think, as evidenced by many people’s habits, credit cards are meant to be a temporary payment option that you then repay. Racking up expenses on credit cards and paying the minimum each month is only going to increase your debt.\\nIf you are already in credit card debt, it is probably best to seek further financial counseling, but if you don’t yet have credit cards, or just recently got one, you can start responsible practices right now.\\nThink of a credit card in terms of accountability: the credit card company bought something on your behalf with the express agreement that you would pay them back promptly. Paying them back a little at a time, or defaulting on payments completely, is not showing good accountability on your part.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Use the credit card only when you absolutely have to.\", \"描述\": \"Don’t buy a $2000 TV on credit if you know your income can’t handle paying that off quickly. Credit cards are not good when they allow you to live beyond your means momentarily, because then you end up in financial trouble with a hard road out of it.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Pay the entire bill.\", \"描述\": \"Before you make a purchase, have a plan for where the money is going to come from to pay the debt. When the bill comes, pay the whole month’s worth of expenses off rather than allowing some of what’s due to roll over. Anything you don’t pay off immediately is going to amount to you paying more than you spent.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Setting Goals and Sticking to Them\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Establish a personal mission statement.\", \"描述\": \"A great way to begin working on your personal accountability is to think about what your mission in life is. You could make one overall mission statement, or a few separate ones, each focusing on one area of your life. The point of a mission statement is to clearly define what you see as your purpose and also define what ways you plan to follow and achieve that purpose.\\nMaybe you have not spent much time considering what your life’s purpose is, but this is an important piece of goal setting and goal fulfillment. Without a specific overall goal for your life, smaller goals may end up being inconsequential.\\nOnce you have considered your purpose and written out a succinct but thorough mission statement, you can begin to make decisions based on it. Keep it somewhere you will remember and refer to it once a week or more to keep fresh in your mind what you have committed to.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Set SMART goals.\", \"描述\": \"SMART goals have long been a practice in the business and personal growth sectors, and using this technique can make a significant impact in keeping yourself accountable to the goals you set. SMART is an acronym whose letters stand for: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-bound. It’s worth noting that the “R” is sometimes called “Relevant” or “Results-oriented.” Write these goals and refer back to them frequently to keep yourself accountable to reaching them. \\nMake sure to reevaluate the goals you set occasionally as well.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Make your goals specific.\", \"描述\": \"This means making them detailed and avoiding vague ideas. For example, you might set the goal to become a published author, but this is a pretty general goal. A more specific goal would be to get an article of satire published in the New Yorker magazine. Specific goals keep you accountable by not settling for less than what the goal intended.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Set goals that are measurable.\", \"描述\": \"This means having criteria that will determine if the goal was met. It should add concreteness to the goal. Sticking with the author example, you could add to the goal what number of articles you want to publish. Is it just one, or is your goal higher? Getting the first one done would be a measurable milestone which shows you are working toward your goal.\\nSet goals that are based on specific actions rather than emotions. Focus on what you want to accomplish rather than what you want to feel.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Consider whether your goals are attainable.\", \"描述\": \"This means taking stock of what will be necessary to meet the goal. This is the time to consider financial, time, and energy costs that the goal will require. To publish an article, you might need to spend many hours across many weeks researching, writing and editing. You might need to spend money to mail the manuscript. You might need to stay up late nights and lose some sleep. So the “attainable” aspect of the goal counts the cost to meet the goal.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Check to see if your goals are realistic.\", \"描述\": \"This means taking an honest look at yourself and your situation. You will need both motivation and ability to achieve any goal you set. Take stock of how hard you are willing to work and what level of ability you have as it pertains to a certain goal. If you consistently slacked off in English class and your friends are constantly correcting your grammar, writing for the New Yorker may not be realistic for you. However, almost any goal can be made realistic if the motivation to achieve it is high enough.\\nTaking a 10-minute walk each day would be considered a realistic goal, while expecting yourself to walk for an entire hour would be unrealistic.\\nYou can always increase your goal after you reach your initial one. For instance, after taking a daily 10-minute walk for 2 weeks, you could increase your total daily walking time to 20 minutes.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Make your goals time-bound.\", \"描述\": \"This means having a definite time range in mind in which to meet the goal. Goals that could drag on inevitably into the future are likely to be consistently put off in service of other priorities. Deciding on the time aspect of the goal should be relatively easy and will often be determined by forces outside your control. Setting the goal of getting published within a year helps you prioritize that goal around other things.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Create to do lists.\", \"描述\": \"In the service of following your mission statement and setting SMART goals, you will need to have smaller sets of tasks necessary to achieve those larger goals. You can write up to do lists on a daily basis that will help direct the time you spend each day, and you can write up to do lists that are more ongoing and could span a week, month or the whole year.\\nMake long-term to do lists and prioritize which things need to be done first, second, and so on. For to do lists that you know will last a while, try to think about doing one or two of the tasks each day until they are all accomplished.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Cross off every task on your to do list.\", \"描述\": \"Leaving things unfinished can begin to create a feeling of stress because you have things looming over you that are not done. Finishing one task at a time will help you see that you are accountable to the lists that you make for yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Create micro-goals.\", \"描述\": \"For every big life goal you set, there are 5, 10 or 20 small steps that have to be taken to achieve that goal. Therefore, micro-goals are the individual steps that are necessary. They are not only goals that will happen a little while down the road, they are goals that you will diligently begin to achieve ASAP.\\nFor example, if you want to lose 50 pounds in one year’s time, the steps will include exercising more, eating less, and establishing an overall routine. A micro-goal could be, “Today I will not eat junk food and I will walk one mile.” Micro-goals are baby steps that become the foundation for larger, ultimate goals.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Honoring Your Commitments\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Keep promises you make.\", \"描述\": \"Everyone has experienced a broken promise, at some point in their life, and knows how serious the repercussions can be. Seeing promises as a sacred responsibility can add the weight to them that’s necessary to help you keep them. If you see a promise as something truly important, then you will do whatever is in your power to keep it.\\nIt can also be really important to give proper time to considering whether or not you should make a promise in the first place. Think about what it will take to fulfill a promise and honestly assess whether or not you can keep it. It is way easier to refrain from making a promise to someone than it is to explain why you didn’t keep it.\\nWhen you do break a promise, being accountable means confessing to your lapse and sincerely saying you are sorry. In many cases, this will not take away the consequences of the broken promise, but accepting those consequences is better than avoiding them.\\nYou have to really step-out of the victim mentality. You are the sole responsible for what you do and for the decisions you make. There's no one else to blame. So, be accountable for your role.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Negotiate towards an agreement.\", \"描述\": \"If someone asks something of you that you are doubtful that you can deliver on, you can either say yes and hope you make it work, or you can say no. Saying no can be a good option if you couple it with a counter-offer. Rather than accepting terms that you may end up failing to meet, find a way to compromise that gives you a better chance of success.\\nSometimes you may disappoint people by not being able to agree to exactly what they ask of you, but the small disappointment will most likely be outweighed by you fulfilling the agreement. If you agree to something and then fail to deliver, more than disappointment, the other person will probably experience anger at you.\\nIf you try to negotiate something that you feel confident you can achieve, and the person is unwilling to compromise on their original preference, you should say no if this is at all an option. Tell the person you do not feel you can deliver what they are asking and that you would rather say no than agree to it and end up failing.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Get it in writing.\", \"描述\": \"A great way to practice being accountable is making up a detailed written agreement when you are making commitments to someone. This may be excessive in some cases, but if you do it even when it’s unnecessary it will help create the habit of following through. Writing out what you are committing to helps promote accountability because it makes it so you can remember the specifics of what you agree to. It’s hard to honor a commitment if you forget that you made it.\\nThe specific situation you are in will dictate how detailed of a written agreement you should make. Jotting a brief note to yourself may be enough, but the situation may also warrant a thoroughly detailed contract between you and someone else. You may both want to sign and date it for any potential legal consequences of the agreement.\\nAt the very least, writing down your commitments will help you remember, and at the most it could serve as evidence for the future.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Don’t try to tackle every aspect of accountability in all areas at once. Pick a couple specific steps that you can take right now and let those steps be building blocks for further development.\\n\", \"In most areas of accountability, it is helpful to tell someone what you are working toward and have them keep you on track.\\n\"]}]}}",
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3,528 | How to Be Admired | 1. Acquiring Admirable Qualities
1-1. Lead, don’t follow.
People who are admired are unafraid to do something new or different. Being a leader doesn’t necessarily mean you outrank anyone else. You can be a leader even among those who have greater official authority than you by convincing others to follow a certain course or act in a certain way.
Leadership requires more than speaking and acting in an inspirational and influential way. You must also be willing to take responsibility when something needs doing. For instance, if you’re the director of a play and the actors are not excited to rehearse, it is your job to inspire them to give their all so the play is a success.
Leaders should inspire, not intimidate. Don’t lead through fear.
Leaders must both admit when they were wrong and take credit for victories.
1-2. Demonstrate personal integrity.
Integrity means being honest when representing yourself to others and to yourself. It means that you don’t compromise on your core values and you stand by the things you believe. Admirable individuals strive to maintain their personal integrity by staying true to who they are even when it is unpopular or controversial.
Don’t be stubborn. Standing by your principles and acting with integrity doesn’t mean that you are unwilling to accept or consider alternative ideas.
Make an effort to always follow through on what you say you'll do.
1-3. Adopt a positive attitude.
A positive attitude doesn’t mean pretending that everything is great all the time. That is unrealistic. Instead, recognize when things are bad but look for the good in every situation. For example, if you and your classmates present a draft of your project to your teacher and she reviews it poorly, remind your classmates that many aspects of the presentation were still reviewed favorably. Think of the review as an opportunity to revise the project until it is sure to earn an “A.”
A positive attitude gives you confidence, hope, and the belief that tomorrow will be better.
1-4. Focus on the people that matter.
Admirable individuals tend to be empathetic and sensitive to the needs and wants of others. For instance, you might admire a boss who always remembers your birthday or notices when you are sad. Fostering positive communication with others and treating others with respect are the hallmarks of an individual who keeps the people they care about in mind.
Be inclusive of all people willing to contribute to a project or team. Don’t play favorites or try to divide people. Just because someone has a different background or level of experience doesn’t meant they are not valuable
Always try to see the best in people.
Don’t give too much attention to naysayers and people who only want to drag you down.
1-5. Achieve a work-life balance.
We admire people who are well-rounded and can successfully manage both a happy personal life and build flourishing career. Develop interests outside of work. Whether it’s reading, art, music, or bodybuilding, go after it. Don’t get trapped in the daily grind.
If you enjoy music, form a band.
If you enjoy art, visit museums with friends and set aside time each day to work on your art.
Live your life with passion. Give your best to friends, coworkers, and family each day.
2. Becoming Admired at Work
2-1. Work hard.
Whether you’re working for minimum wage or managing a large firm, you should always take pride in your work. Doing so will demonstrate that you are competent and capable of doing your part. Go above and beyond in your workplace by giving your all on the job. If you make pizzas, make the best pizza you can, every time. If you mop the floors, scrub them to a high polish.
Take pride in your work and doing it will be a pleasure, not a chore.
Keep your office or workspace clean and well-organized
2-2. Help your coworkers.
By helping your coworkers, it demonstrates that you think of others. This quality is universally admired. The help you give your coworker depends on the type of work they’re doing. You could choose to do their work for them if they are too busy, or you might choose to collaborate with them on something or provide feedback.
For instance, if you work at a restaurant and your coworker needs to mop the floor, wash the dishes, and refill the soda fountain, offer to complete one of his tasks when you are not too busy.
Do not help your coworkers at your own expense. Take care of your own duties before taking on those of others.
Do not let your coworkers walk all over you. If they are not struggling with their work, they should be left to do it themselves.
2-3. Speak your mind.
Do not suck up to your superiors.
Stand up to your boss when he or she is wrong. For instance, if your boss criticizes a coworker’s logo design during a meeting, explain that you like it because it demonstrates many features which customers would find attractive.
Make suggestions about how things could be improved if you see problems in a project or in the work-flow. For instance, if your department and another both need to use the same computer during your design phases, suggest that the company invest in a second computer so both departments can get their work done simultaneously.
People who suck up to their bosses are generally considered untrustworthy and do not receive workplace admiration.
2-4. Trust your employees.
When you hire someone, hire the best person you can for the job. People who are insecure hire people who are good, but not great, because they fear being usurped by their subordinate. This characteristic is not worthy of admiration.
Demonstrate that you trust and rely on your staff by delegating various responsibilities to them. Do not delegate important tasks to individuals who cannot accomplish them.
Use your knowledge of each person on your staff to identify how much and what kind of work they can handle. It is important to push people in the workplace to make them feel they are being challenged and engaged, but be careful not to overwhelm them.
2-5. Show your employees you respect them.
When your staff does a great job, let them know. You can let them know in verbal and material ways. For instance, after meeting your quarterly earnings, send an email round the office explaining that you’ve done so and inform your staff, “I am extremely proud of all the hard work you’ve been doing. It has paid off handsomely.” Invite them to drinks after work, or organize a workplace pizza party. Give your staff a bonus for meeting the sales quota.
People who treat others kindly and recognize their successes -- as well as their failures and flaws -- are worthy of admiration.
Do not publicly berate or embarrass your staff. Always speak to them with respect in a calm, even tone. If you have a problem or issue with one of your employees, ask them to your office or another private space where you can address any problems or concerns you might have with them.
Do not play favorites among your staff. If you pit them against one another in divisive ways, you will not inspire honest and virtuous behavior, and your workers will not be driven to work as productively as they could.
3. Becoming an Admired Parent
3-1. Practice what you preach.
In other words, do the things you want your children to do. If you direct your children to be on time for appointments or be at home at a certain time, you should also arrive when you say you are going to. If you don’t want your child to use foul language, don’t curse. If you want your children to tell the truth, don’t lie to them or others. Even if you advise your children to do the right thing, they will not admire you if you are hypocritical.
3-2. Be inclusive when making family decisions..
Children will not admire an inflexible tyrant. Including your child in discussions which affect them will gain their admiration and help them develop a sense of personal autonomy and agency. You can include your child in both small and large decisions. For instance, a few nights a week you could ask your child what he or she wants for dinner. (Naturally, if they answer something unacceptable like ice cream, you should tell them that is not an option.)
Including your child in family decisions doesn’t mean relinquishing all responsibility for those decisions. You’re still the parent and ultimately, authority still rests with you.
3-3. Be a friend to your child.
Go for walks, go to the movies, and go to get ice cream together. Enjoy the time you spend with them. Tell your child regularly that you love them. When they come home after school, ask “How was your day?” Ask about their dreams, ideas, and feelings.
For instance, your child says, “I want to be a dancer when I grow up,” you could ask, “Why do you want to be a dancer?” Listen to their answers and don’t belittle what they have to say. If you need more information, ask follow-up questions.
Take time to seriously answer any questions your child asks.
Show your child know that you will always be there for them. If they need help with homework or if they are sick, take time out of your schedule to care for them.
3-4. Be forgiving and ask for forgiveness.
Recognize that nobody is perfect. If you make a mistake, you should acknowledge that you did so and apologize for hurting anyone’s feelings. Find ways to amend the situation and think about what you can do next time to prevent a similar situation from occurring. Use these situations to illustrate to your child how to admit when you’re wrong and ask for forgiveness.
For instance, if you mistook your child’s drawing a of a bird for a butterfly, your child might feel distraught. Admit that you made a mistake by identifying it wrongly and reassure them that it is a great drawing. Say, “I’m sorry, can you forgive me?”
When your children make mistakes, you should always expect them to acknowledge the mistake. Your child should apologize and correct the situation as needed. For instance, if they spilled milk on the floor while you were out of the room, ensure that they admit to doing so and then help you clean it up (assuming they are of an appropriate age to do so).
Tell your child you love them even when they make mistakes.
3-5. Develop an interest in education and learning.
If you always have something interesting to teach or explain to your child, they will be much impressed and admire you for your depth of knowledge. Having a well-rounded education will not only equip you for a richer life, but it will also demonstrate to your child that education should be an important part of their life, as well.
If you did not graduate high school, consider getting your GED.
If you did graduate high school, consider going to college. You could get a two-year associate’s degree or a four-year bachelor’s degree.
You don’t need a college education to be well-educated or interested in learning, though it does help. Keep up with current events by reading the newspaper regularly. Visit your local library to check out some books. Read a mix of both fiction and nonfiction. Watch documentaries as well as feature films.
Expand your mind by diving deeper into topics you know little about. By challenging yourself, you will be able to think about things in a different way.
By taking your child to local art museums, you can learn together.
3-6. Persevere in the face of adversity.
If you lose your job, fall ill, or suffer another misfortune, do not mope about it. Instead, take proactive action to correct the situation. For instance, if you lose your job, seek new work in the classifieds of your local paper or online. Use labor networking sites like LinkedIn and Monster.com to make your resume available for potential employers and browse available jobs.
Develop patience and control your anger when you feel it rising within you.
Do not take your frustration about a difficult situation out on your child or anyone else. Find positive ways to deal with your frustration through deep breathing, yoga, mediation, or engaging yourself with a fun hobby.
While it is natural to feel depressed when confronted with loss of a family member or other hardship, stay strong and positive for your child. Talk to a trained therapist if your feelings persist.
4. Becoming an Admired Public Figure
4-1. Serve others as a religious figure.
Many of the most respected people go into public service as leaders within a religious order. For instance, the Dalai Lama is widely praised for standing for world peace, and Pope Francis is popular for fighting for the poor. You don’t have to attain that level of stature to have the same effect. Become a religious leader in your community and fight for those in need of material as well as spiritual assistance.
Rabbis, pastors, imams, and priests can all gain admiration when they speak and act in concert with the teachings of their holy books.
If your advice is sought by politicians or other public figures, always use your platform to encourage positive change.
Join a monastery or nunnery. Monks and nuns live in a community with others who practice their faith in order to better understand their holy books and teachings. Becoming a monk or nun is a good path toward a future as a religious leader.
4-2. Invent something useful.
If the religious life isn't for you, there are other ways to gain admiration. Inventions which create a better world earn their inventors great admiration and respect. For instance, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are widely admired for the contributions they made to the development of home computers, which has led to a more connected, informed world. Think about how you can turn your own creative or scientific ability to practical use.
Look at problems in your community and think of ways to solve them with science and technology.
If you’re not skilled in those fields, propose an idea to someone who can engineer a solution.
4-3. Engage in the political process.
If you are neither religious nor technologically inclined, you could engage in politics as a politician or as an activist. If you want to become an activist, choose an issue or topic which you feel strongly about and locate a local nonprofit which engages in work related to the topic. For instance, if you feel strongly about poverty and food security, you could donate your time at a local food bank or soup kitchen.
If you want to be a respected politician, it helps to have a law degree. You could also have a political science degree, though any degree helps. It is unlikely you will be able to get elected as a politician unless you have a college education of some kind.
Run for local office as a mayor, state representative, or city council member. As you gain more experience, consider running for senator or representative at the national level.
To be a respected politician, be honest and do not engage in corruption or selfish behavior. Lead with vision and respect the will of those who elected you. Work tirelessly for the good of your community, state, or nation. Fight for justice, truth, and a better world.
Tips
Don’t forget your old buddies when you become widely admired.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:16",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Acquiring Admirable Qualities\\n1-1. Lead, don’t follow.\\nPeople who are admired are unafraid to do something new or different. Being a leader doesn’t necessarily mean you outrank anyone else. You can be a leader even among those who have greater official authority than you by convincing others to follow a certain course or act in a certain way. \\nLeadership requires more than speaking and acting in an inspirational and influential way. You must also be willing to take responsibility when something needs doing. For instance, if you’re the director of a play and the actors are not excited to rehearse, it is your job to inspire them to give their all so the play is a success.\\nLeaders should inspire, not intimidate. Don’t lead through fear.\\nLeaders must both admit when they were wrong and take credit for victories.\\n1-2. Demonstrate personal integrity.\\nIntegrity means being honest when representing yourself to others and to yourself. It means that you don’t compromise on your core values and you stand by the things you believe. Admirable individuals strive to maintain their personal integrity by staying true to who they are even when it is unpopular or controversial.\\nDon’t be stubborn. Standing by your principles and acting with integrity doesn’t mean that you are unwilling to accept or consider alternative ideas.\\nMake an effort to always follow through on what you say you'll do.\\n1-3. Adopt a positive attitude.\\nA positive attitude doesn’t mean pretending that everything is great all the time. That is unrealistic. Instead, recognize when things are bad but look for the good in every situation. For example, if you and your classmates present a draft of your project to your teacher and she reviews it poorly, remind your classmates that many aspects of the presentation were still reviewed favorably. Think of the review as an opportunity to revise the project until it is sure to earn an “A.”\\nA positive attitude gives you confidence, hope, and the belief that tomorrow will be better.\\n1-4. Focus on the people that matter.\\nAdmirable individuals tend to be empathetic and sensitive to the needs and wants of others. For instance, you might admire a boss who always remembers your birthday or notices when you are sad. Fostering positive communication with others and treating others with respect are the hallmarks of an individual who keeps the people they care about in mind.\\nBe inclusive of all people willing to contribute to a project or team. Don’t play favorites or try to divide people. Just because someone has a different background or level of experience doesn’t meant they are not valuable\\nAlways try to see the best in people.\\nDon’t give too much attention to naysayers and people who only want to drag you down.\\n1-5. Achieve a work-life balance.\\nWe admire people who are well-rounded and can successfully manage both a happy personal life and build flourishing career. Develop interests outside of work. Whether it’s reading, art, music, or bodybuilding, go after it. Don’t get trapped in the daily grind.\\nIf you enjoy music, form a band.\\nIf you enjoy art, visit museums with friends and set aside time each day to work on your art.\\nLive your life with passion. Give your best to friends, coworkers, and family each day.\\n2. Becoming Admired at Work\\n2-1. Work hard.\\nWhether you’re working for minimum wage or managing a large firm, you should always take pride in your work. Doing so will demonstrate that you are competent and capable of doing your part. Go above and beyond in your workplace by giving your all on the job. If you make pizzas, make the best pizza you can, every time. If you mop the floors, scrub them to a high polish. \\nTake pride in your work and doing it will be a pleasure, not a chore.\\nKeep your office or workspace clean and well-organized\\n2-2. Help your coworkers.\\nBy helping your coworkers, it demonstrates that you think of others. This quality is universally admired. The help you give your coworker depends on the type of work they’re doing. You could choose to do their work for them if they are too busy, or you might choose to collaborate with them on something or provide feedback. \\nFor instance, if you work at a restaurant and your coworker needs to mop the floor, wash the dishes, and refill the soda fountain, offer to complete one of his tasks when you are not too busy.\\nDo not help your coworkers at your own expense. Take care of your own duties before taking on those of others.\\nDo not let your coworkers walk all over you. If they are not struggling with their work, they should be left to do it themselves.\\n2-3. Speak your mind.\\nDo not suck up to your superiors.\\n Stand up to your boss when he or she is wrong. For instance, if your boss criticizes a coworker’s logo design during a meeting, explain that you like it because it demonstrates many features which customers would find attractive.\\nMake suggestions about how things could be improved if you see problems in a project or in the work-flow. For instance, if your department and another both need to use the same computer during your design phases, suggest that the company invest in a second computer so both departments can get their work done simultaneously.\\nPeople who suck up to their bosses are generally considered untrustworthy and do not receive workplace admiration.\\n2-4. Trust your employees.\\nWhen you hire someone, hire the best person you can for the job. People who are insecure hire people who are good, but not great, because they fear being usurped by their subordinate. This characteristic is not worthy of admiration. \\nDemonstrate that you trust and rely on your staff by delegating various responsibilities to them. Do not delegate important tasks to individuals who cannot accomplish them.\\nUse your knowledge of each person on your staff to identify how much and what kind of work they can handle. It is important to push people in the workplace to make them feel they are being challenged and engaged, but be careful not to overwhelm them.\\n2-5. Show your employees you respect them.\\nWhen your staff does a great job, let them know. You can let them know in verbal and material ways. For instance, after meeting your quarterly earnings, send an email round the office explaining that you’ve done so and inform your staff, “I am extremely proud of all the hard work you’ve been doing. It has paid off handsomely.” Invite them to drinks after work, or organize a workplace pizza party. Give your staff a bonus for meeting the sales quota.\\nPeople who treat others kindly and recognize their successes -- as well as their failures and flaws -- are worthy of admiration.\\nDo not publicly berate or embarrass your staff. Always speak to them with respect in a calm, even tone. If you have a problem or issue with one of your employees, ask them to your office or another private space where you can address any problems or concerns you might have with them.\\nDo not play favorites among your staff. If you pit them against one another in divisive ways, you will not inspire honest and virtuous behavior, and your workers will not be driven to work as productively as they could.\\n3. Becoming an Admired Parent\\n3-1. Practice what you preach.\\nIn other words, do the things you want your children to do. If you direct your children to be on time for appointments or be at home at a certain time, you should also arrive when you say you are going to. If you don’t want your child to use foul language, don’t curse. If you want your children to tell the truth, don’t lie to them or others. Even if you advise your children to do the right thing, they will not admire you if you are hypocritical.\\n3-2. Be inclusive when making family decisions..\\nChildren will not admire an inflexible tyrant. Including your child in discussions which affect them will gain their admiration and help them develop a sense of personal autonomy and agency. You can include your child in both small and large decisions. For instance, a few nights a week you could ask your child what he or she wants for dinner. (Naturally, if they answer something unacceptable like ice cream, you should tell them that is not an option.)\\nIncluding your child in family decisions doesn’t mean relinquishing all responsibility for those decisions. You’re still the parent and ultimately, authority still rests with you.\\n3-3. Be a friend to your child.\\nGo for walks, go to the movies, and go to get ice cream together. Enjoy the time you spend with them. Tell your child regularly that you love them. When they come home after school, ask “How was your day?” Ask about their dreams, ideas, and feelings.\\nFor instance, your child says, “I want to be a dancer when I grow up,” you could ask, “Why do you want to be a dancer?” Listen to their answers and don’t belittle what they have to say. If you need more information, ask follow-up questions.\\nTake time to seriously answer any questions your child asks.\\nShow your child know that you will always be there for them. If they need help with homework or if they are sick, take time out of your schedule to care for them.\\n3-4. Be forgiving and ask for forgiveness.\\nRecognize that nobody is perfect. If you make a mistake, you should acknowledge that you did so and apologize for hurting anyone’s feelings. Find ways to amend the situation and think about what you can do next time to prevent a similar situation from occurring. Use these situations to illustrate to your child how to admit when you’re wrong and ask for forgiveness.\\nFor instance, if you mistook your child’s drawing a of a bird for a butterfly, your child might feel distraught. Admit that you made a mistake by identifying it wrongly and reassure them that it is a great drawing. Say, “I’m sorry, can you forgive me?”\\nWhen your children make mistakes, you should always expect them to acknowledge the mistake. Your child should apologize and correct the situation as needed. For instance, if they spilled milk on the floor while you were out of the room, ensure that they admit to doing so and then help you clean it up (assuming they are of an appropriate age to do so).\\nTell your child you love them even when they make mistakes.\\n3-5. Develop an interest in education and learning.\\nIf you always have something interesting to teach or explain to your child, they will be much impressed and admire you for your depth of knowledge. Having a well-rounded education will not only equip you for a richer life, but it will also demonstrate to your child that education should be an important part of their life, as well.\\nIf you did not graduate high school, consider getting your GED.\\nIf you did graduate high school, consider going to college. You could get a two-year associate’s degree or a four-year bachelor’s degree.\\nYou don’t need a college education to be well-educated or interested in learning, though it does help. Keep up with current events by reading the newspaper regularly. Visit your local library to check out some books. Read a mix of both fiction and nonfiction. Watch documentaries as well as feature films.\\nExpand your mind by diving deeper into topics you know little about. By challenging yourself, you will be able to think about things in a different way.\\nBy taking your child to local art museums, you can learn together.\\n3-6. Persevere in the face of adversity.\\nIf you lose your job, fall ill, or suffer another misfortune, do not mope about it. Instead, take proactive action to correct the situation. For instance, if you lose your job, seek new work in the classifieds of your local paper or online. Use labor networking sites like LinkedIn and Monster.com to make your resume available for potential employers and browse available jobs.\\nDevelop patience and control your anger when you feel it rising within you.\\nDo not take your frustration about a difficult situation out on your child or anyone else. Find positive ways to deal with your frustration through deep breathing, yoga, mediation, or engaging yourself with a fun hobby.\\nWhile it is natural to feel depressed when confronted with loss of a family member or other hardship, stay strong and positive for your child. Talk to a trained therapist if your feelings persist.\\n4. Becoming an Admired Public Figure\\n4-1. Serve others as a religious figure.\\nMany of the most respected people go into public service as leaders within a religious order. For instance, the Dalai Lama is widely praised for standing for world peace, and Pope Francis is popular for fighting for the poor. You don’t have to attain that level of stature to have the same effect. Become a religious leader in your community and fight for those in need of material as well as spiritual assistance.\\nRabbis, pastors, imams, and priests can all gain admiration when they speak and act in concert with the teachings of their holy books.\\nIf your advice is sought by politicians or other public figures, always use your platform to encourage positive change.\\nJoin a monastery or nunnery. Monks and nuns live in a community with others who practice their faith in order to better understand their holy books and teachings. Becoming a monk or nun is a good path toward a future as a religious leader.\\n4-2. Invent something useful.\\nIf the religious life isn't for you, there are other ways to gain admiration. Inventions which create a better world earn their inventors great admiration and respect. For instance, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are widely admired for the contributions they made to the development of home computers, which has led to a more connected, informed world. Think about how you can turn your own creative or scientific ability to practical use.\\nLook at problems in your community and think of ways to solve them with science and technology.\\nIf you’re not skilled in those fields, propose an idea to someone who can engineer a solution.\\n4-3. Engage in the political process.\\nIf you are neither religious nor technologically inclined, you could engage in politics as a politician or as an activist. If you want to become an activist, choose an issue or topic which you feel strongly about and locate a local nonprofit which engages in work related to the topic. For instance, if you feel strongly about poverty and food security, you could donate your time at a local food bank or soup kitchen.\\nIf you want to be a respected politician, it helps to have a law degree. You could also have a political science degree, though any degree helps. It is unlikely you will be able to get elected as a politician unless you have a college education of some kind.\\nRun for local office as a mayor, state representative, or city council member. As you gain more experience, consider running for senator or representative at the national level.\\nTo be a respected politician, be honest and do not engage in corruption or selfish behavior. Lead with vision and respect the will of those who elected you. Work tirelessly for the good of your community, state, or nation. Fight for justice, truth, and a better world.\\nTips\\nDon’t forget your old buddies when you become widely admired.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Gaining admiration requires honesty, hard work, and perseverance. Whether you're a parent, an employee, or a public figure, earning admiration requires many of the same skills. Acting honestly, working hard, and lending those in need a helping hand are the crucial basic abilities for someone who wants to be admired.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Acquiring Admirable Qualities\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Lead, don’t follow.\", \"描述\": \"People who are admired are unafraid to do something new or different. Being a leader doesn’t necessarily mean you outrank anyone else. You can be a leader even among those who have greater official authority than you by convincing others to follow a certain course or act in a certain way. \\nLeadership requires more than speaking and acting in an inspirational and influential way. You must also be willing to take responsibility when something needs doing. For instance, if you’re the director of a play and the actors are not excited to rehearse, it is your job to inspire them to give their all so the play is a success.\\nLeaders should inspire, not intimidate. Don’t lead through fear.\\nLeaders must both admit when they were wrong and take credit for victories.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Demonstrate personal integrity.\", \"描述\": \"Integrity means being honest when representing yourself to others and to yourself. It means that you don’t compromise on your core values and you stand by the things you believe. Admirable individuals strive to maintain their personal integrity by staying true to who they are even when it is unpopular or controversial.\\nDon’t be stubborn. Standing by your principles and acting with integrity doesn’t mean that you are unwilling to accept or consider alternative ideas.\\nMake an effort to always follow through on what you say you'll do.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Adopt a positive attitude.\", \"描述\": \"A positive attitude doesn’t mean pretending that everything is great all the time. That is unrealistic. Instead, recognize when things are bad but look for the good in every situation. For example, if you and your classmates present a draft of your project to your teacher and she reviews it poorly, remind your classmates that many aspects of the presentation were still reviewed favorably. Think of the review as an opportunity to revise the project until it is sure to earn an “A.”\\nA positive attitude gives you confidence, hope, and the belief that tomorrow will be better.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Focus on the people that matter.\", \"描述\": \"Admirable individuals tend to be empathetic and sensitive to the needs and wants of others. For instance, you might admire a boss who always remembers your birthday or notices when you are sad. Fostering positive communication with others and treating others with respect are the hallmarks of an individual who keeps the people they care about in mind.\\nBe inclusive of all people willing to contribute to a project or team. Don’t play favorites or try to divide people. Just because someone has a different background or level of experience doesn’t meant they are not valuable\\nAlways try to see the best in people.\\nDon’t give too much attention to naysayers and people who only want to drag you down.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Achieve a work-life balance.\", \"描述\": \"We admire people who are well-rounded and can successfully manage both a happy personal life and build flourishing career. Develop interests outside of work. Whether it’s reading, art, music, or bodybuilding, go after it. Don’t get trapped in the daily grind.\\nIf you enjoy music, form a band.\\nIf you enjoy art, visit museums with friends and set aside time each day to work on your art.\\nLive your life with passion. Give your best to friends, coworkers, and family each day.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Becoming Admired at Work\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Work hard.\", \"描述\": \"Whether you’re working for minimum wage or managing a large firm, you should always take pride in your work. Doing so will demonstrate that you are competent and capable of doing your part. Go above and beyond in your workplace by giving your all on the job. If you make pizzas, make the best pizza you can, every time. If you mop the floors, scrub them to a high polish. \\nTake pride in your work and doing it will be a pleasure, not a chore.\\nKeep your office or workspace clean and well-organized\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Help your coworkers.\", \"描述\": \"By helping your coworkers, it demonstrates that you think of others. This quality is universally admired. The help you give your coworker depends on the type of work they’re doing. You could choose to do their work for them if they are too busy, or you might choose to collaborate with them on something or provide feedback. \\nFor instance, if you work at a restaurant and your coworker needs to mop the floor, wash the dishes, and refill the soda fountain, offer to complete one of his tasks when you are not too busy.\\nDo not help your coworkers at your own expense. Take care of your own duties before taking on those of others.\\nDo not let your coworkers walk all over you. If they are not struggling with their work, they should be left to do it themselves.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Speak your mind.\", \"描述\": \"Do not suck up to your superiors.\\n Stand up to your boss when he or she is wrong. For instance, if your boss criticizes a coworker’s logo design during a meeting, explain that you like it because it demonstrates many features which customers would find attractive.\\nMake suggestions about how things could be improved if you see problems in a project or in the work-flow. For instance, if your department and another both need to use the same computer during your design phases, suggest that the company invest in a second computer so both departments can get their work done simultaneously.\\nPeople who suck up to their bosses are generally considered untrustworthy and do not receive workplace admiration.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Trust your employees.\", \"描述\": \"When you hire someone, hire the best person you can for the job. People who are insecure hire people who are good, but not great, because they fear being usurped by their subordinate. This characteristic is not worthy of admiration. \\nDemonstrate that you trust and rely on your staff by delegating various responsibilities to them. Do not delegate important tasks to individuals who cannot accomplish them.\\nUse your knowledge of each person on your staff to identify how much and what kind of work they can handle. It is important to push people in the workplace to make them feel they are being challenged and engaged, but be careful not to overwhelm them.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Show your employees you respect them.\", \"描述\": \"When your staff does a great job, let them know. You can let them know in verbal and material ways. For instance, after meeting your quarterly earnings, send an email round the office explaining that you’ve done so and inform your staff, “I am extremely proud of all the hard work you’ve been doing. It has paid off handsomely.” Invite them to drinks after work, or organize a workplace pizza party. Give your staff a bonus for meeting the sales quota.\\nPeople who treat others kindly and recognize their successes -- as well as their failures and flaws -- are worthy of admiration.\\nDo not publicly berate or embarrass your staff. Always speak to them with respect in a calm, even tone. If you have a problem or issue with one of your employees, ask them to your office or another private space where you can address any problems or concerns you might have with them.\\nDo not play favorites among your staff. If you pit them against one another in divisive ways, you will not inspire honest and virtuous behavior, and your workers will not be driven to work as productively as they could.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Becoming an Admired Parent\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Practice what you preach.\", \"描述\": \"In other words, do the things you want your children to do. If you direct your children to be on time for appointments or be at home at a certain time, you should also arrive when you say you are going to. If you don’t want your child to use foul language, don’t curse. If you want your children to tell the truth, don’t lie to them or others. Even if you advise your children to do the right thing, they will not admire you if you are hypocritical.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be inclusive when making family decisions..\", \"描述\": \"Children will not admire an inflexible tyrant. Including your child in discussions which affect them will gain their admiration and help them develop a sense of personal autonomy and agency. You can include your child in both small and large decisions. For instance, a few nights a week you could ask your child what he or she wants for dinner. (Naturally, if they answer something unacceptable like ice cream, you should tell them that is not an option.)\\nIncluding your child in family decisions doesn’t mean relinquishing all responsibility for those decisions. You’re still the parent and ultimately, authority still rests with you.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be a friend to your child.\", \"描述\": \"Go for walks, go to the movies, and go to get ice cream together. Enjoy the time you spend with them. Tell your child regularly that you love them. When they come home after school, ask “How was your day?” Ask about their dreams, ideas, and feelings.\\nFor instance, your child says, “I want to be a dancer when I grow up,” you could ask, “Why do you want to be a dancer?” Listen to their answers and don’t belittle what they have to say. If you need more information, ask follow-up questions.\\nTake time to seriously answer any questions your child asks.\\nShow your child know that you will always be there for them. If they need help with homework or if they are sick, take time out of your schedule to care for them.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be forgiving and ask for forgiveness.\", \"描述\": \"Recognize that nobody is perfect. If you make a mistake, you should acknowledge that you did so and apologize for hurting anyone’s feelings. Find ways to amend the situation and think about what you can do next time to prevent a similar situation from occurring. Use these situations to illustrate to your child how to admit when you’re wrong and ask for forgiveness.\\nFor instance, if you mistook your child’s drawing a of a bird for a butterfly, your child might feel distraught. Admit that you made a mistake by identifying it wrongly and reassure them that it is a great drawing. Say, “I’m sorry, can you forgive me?”\\nWhen your children make mistakes, you should always expect them to acknowledge the mistake. Your child should apologize and correct the situation as needed. For instance, if they spilled milk on the floor while you were out of the room, ensure that they admit to doing so and then help you clean it up (assuming they are of an appropriate age to do so).\\nTell your child you love them even when they make mistakes.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Develop an interest in education and learning.\", \"描述\": \"If you always have something interesting to teach or explain to your child, they will be much impressed and admire you for your depth of knowledge. Having a well-rounded education will not only equip you for a richer life, but it will also demonstrate to your child that education should be an important part of their life, as well.\\nIf you did not graduate high school, consider getting your GED.\\nIf you did graduate high school, consider going to college. You could get a two-year associate’s degree or a four-year bachelor’s degree.\\nYou don’t need a college education to be well-educated or interested in learning, though it does help. Keep up with current events by reading the newspaper regularly. Visit your local library to check out some books. Read a mix of both fiction and nonfiction. Watch documentaries as well as feature films.\\nExpand your mind by diving deeper into topics you know little about. By challenging yourself, you will be able to think about things in a different way.\\nBy taking your child to local art museums, you can learn together.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Persevere in the face of adversity.\", \"描述\": \"If you lose your job, fall ill, or suffer another misfortune, do not mope about it. Instead, take proactive action to correct the situation. For instance, if you lose your job, seek new work in the classifieds of your local paper or online. Use labor networking sites like LinkedIn and Monster.com to make your resume available for potential employers and browse available jobs.\\nDevelop patience and control your anger when you feel it rising within you.\\nDo not take your frustration about a difficult situation out on your child or anyone else. Find positive ways to deal with your frustration through deep breathing, yoga, mediation, or engaging yourself with a fun hobby.\\nWhile it is natural to feel depressed when confronted with loss of a family member or other hardship, stay strong and positive for your child. Talk to a trained therapist if your feelings persist.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Becoming an Admired Public Figure\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Serve others as a religious figure.\", \"描述\": \"Many of the most respected people go into public service as leaders within a religious order. For instance, the Dalai Lama is widely praised for standing for world peace, and Pope Francis is popular for fighting for the poor. You don’t have to attain that level of stature to have the same effect. Become a religious leader in your community and fight for those in need of material as well as spiritual assistance.\\nRabbis, pastors, imams, and priests can all gain admiration when they speak and act in concert with the teachings of their holy books.\\nIf your advice is sought by politicians or other public figures, always use your platform to encourage positive change.\\nJoin a monastery or nunnery. Monks and nuns live in a community with others who practice their faith in order to better understand their holy books and teachings. Becoming a monk or nun is a good path toward a future as a religious leader.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Invent something useful.\", \"描述\": \"If the religious life isn't for you, there are other ways to gain admiration. Inventions which create a better world earn their inventors great admiration and respect. For instance, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are widely admired for the contributions they made to the development of home computers, which has led to a more connected, informed world. Think about how you can turn your own creative or scientific ability to practical use.\\nLook at problems in your community and think of ways to solve them with science and technology.\\nIf you’re not skilled in those fields, propose an idea to someone who can engineer a solution.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Engage in the political process.\", \"描述\": \"If you are neither religious nor technologically inclined, you could engage in politics as a politician or as an activist. If you want to become an activist, choose an issue or topic which you feel strongly about and locate a local nonprofit which engages in work related to the topic. For instance, if you feel strongly about poverty and food security, you could donate your time at a local food bank or soup kitchen.\\nIf you want to be a respected politician, it helps to have a law degree. You could also have a political science degree, though any degree helps. It is unlikely you will be able to get elected as a politician unless you have a college education of some kind.\\nRun for local office as a mayor, state representative, or city council member. As you gain more experience, consider running for senator or representative at the national level.\\nTo be a respected politician, be honest and do not engage in corruption or selfish behavior. Lead with vision and respect the will of those who elected you. Work tirelessly for the good of your community, state, or nation. Fight for justice, truth, and a better world.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Don’t forget your old buddies when you become widely admired.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
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} | wikihow |
3,529 | How to Be Admired by Girls | 1. Behaving Like Someone Girls Will Admire
1-1. Act like a gentleman.
One way to gain admiration of girls around you is to act like a gentleman at all times. If you act like a gentleman, girls will see that you are serious, mature, and know how to treat them.
Practice the art of quiet confidence. Gentlemen are confident, but never find the need to brag. To be more confident, constantly tell yourself how capable you are. Don't question yourself or your abilities. Be sure of yourself.
Always be polite and show respect to the girls around you. In order to be polite and respectful, never force anyone to do anything they don't want to do. In addition, don't think you know what they want or what they think. Always ask people their opinions and thank them when appropriate.
Remember, you do not need to patronize or treat women in an inferior manner to act like a gentleman. Simply remember to be considerate and thoughtful. To be more considerate, always think of others as you are doing something. Ask yourself "how do my words or actions affect other people?"
1-2. Demonstrate a positive worldview.
When talking to girls around you or anyone else, you should show that you are a positive person with a positive worldview. This is important, as many people admire people with positive outlooks and want to surround themselves with positive people.
Always try to emphasize the bright side or silver lining of problematic events.
Never say bad things about people.
Encourage your friends to better themselves and to achieve the goals they want to achieve.
1-3. Listen to girls when they speak.
Another way to gain the admiration of girls is to be a good listener. Good listeners do just that – they listen. When you truly listen to people, you send the signal that you care about them.
Ask girls about themselves and what they like and think.
Don’t interrupt them as they speak.
Try to remember what people are saying.
1-4. Show respect.
Respect is a key value in any relationship and one that everyone, especially girls, will admire. Respect goes both ways. Each person in a new encounter or relationship should have respect not only for themselves but also for others. Here are some easy ways you can stress respect in communication:
Use words of encouragement. “It sounds like you had a rough day at work, but I really admire how you handled that tough situation. I’m always here for you if you need to talk.”
Communicate words of understanding. “You have a very interesting point of view that I’d love to understand more. Please tell me more about what you think and what led you to that conclusion.”
Communicate words of unity. “I have some insight from my background in math, but that doesn’t mean I have all of the right answers. I respect your role and what you’re able to contribute to the group, too, and would love to hear your take.”
1-5. Empathize with people.
Empathy is one trait that most people admire in others. If you consistently show empathy to people, you’ll become known as someone who is empathetic. In the end, more girls will respect and admire you.
If someone you’re talking to or socializing with is going through a rough patch, let them know that you understand their struggle and that you care for them.
Avoid dismissing the struggles of others.
Show warmth to people as you talk to them.
If you have a hard time empathizing, just try to imagine yourself in their situation.
1-6. Provide help to people who need help.
Being a charitable person who helps others is also an admirable quality. If you consistently help people who need help, you’ll build a reputation as someone who spends your time helping others.
Volunteer at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen.
Organize a Toys for Tots drive around the holidays.
Collect money for UNICEF or do other fundraising for the less fortunate.
Invite others, like girls you know, to help.
2. Looking Like Someone Girls Will Admire
2-1. Strive for success at whatever you do.
One thing that often gains the admiration of men and women alike is success. Many people like to be around others they consider successful. As a result, you should strive for success at whatever you do.
If you play a sport, strive to be the best you can be. You don’t have to be the star player, just succeed at what you do.
Try to get good grades in school.
Do your best at work and strive for a promotion or raise.
2-2. Stay fit and active.
While you don’t need to be a bodybuilder or an athlete to gain the admiration of the girls around you, being fit and healthy will certainly help. This is important, because taking care of yourself signals to girls that not only do you care about your appearance, but you’re willing to do what it takes to meet your goals. At the same time, being in shape will probably make you attractive to girls.
Commit to a regular cardio workout. Consider swimming or running as two good options.
Think about some light weight training. This could include working out with free weights, working on a weight machine, or simply doing pushups and crunches.
2-3. Show positive body language.
Having positive body language is another thing that will gain you the favor and admiration of the girls around you. If you have positive body language and a welcoming demeanor, girls will see you as someone they want to spend time with.
Stand straight up with your shoulders up and your chest out slightly.
Smile when appropriate.
Avoid crossing your arms or taking any other defensive posture.
2-4. Take pride in your appearance.
Another important thing to do in your effort to gain the admiration of girls around you is to work on your appearance. Fundamentally, the little things go a long way in getting others to think of you as a likeable person they admire and want to spend time with.
Make sure your clothes are clean and free of unintentional holes or tears.
Always brush your teeth twice a day.
Comb your hair and groom your facial hair, if you have it.
Use deodorant and cologne.
Shower every day and use a good soap and shampoo.
3. Building an Admirable Social Life
3-1. Make friends with people different from yourself.
One thing that that will help gain the admiration of girls is to be open to making a variety of types of friends. A diverse group of friends will show that you are open to different types of people, are interesting, and are successful socially. In addition, it will help you build a social network that is relatively large, and in which you will gain lots of experience socializing.
If you’re in school, attend different types of extracurricular activities. Attending a variety of activities will help you make friends of different kinds.
Interact with people you don’t normally interact with. For instance, try making friends with people from different religious, racial, or ethnic groups.
Don't ask or expect people who are different than you to adapt to your perspective or way of life. Part of growing and becoming an admirable person is that you try to expand your perspective by engaging others in equal relationships.
Don't view people from different backgrounds as people to "collect" or to add to your social media page or social circle.
3-2. Build trust.
It can be easy to engage with peers or acquaintances you already have in your social life, but it’s another story to trust someone or get others to trust you. Especially for girls, trust is the biggest thing when building new friendships or relationships. Being truthful and honest about yourself is a good starting point to help girls build trust within you.
When you’ve established trust, maintain your honesty, integrity, and trust by maintaining the relationship. If people can build and maintain a strong basic level of trust, they can work resilience into that friendship.
Keep in mind that initiating, building, and maintaining a relationship with a girl doesn’t come with a handbook. This means that communicating well is your best bet to maintain trust.
3-3. Show kindness to people around you.
Kindness is one trait that most all people respect and admire. Showing kindness to those around you will definitely help you gain the admiration of girls that you know.
Whenever someone is feeling down or discouraged, try your best to pep them up.
When something bad happens to someone you know, like the death of a friend or family member, comfort them and do anything you can to make their time of loss easier.
3-4. Engage in social activities as often as you can.
Socializing is one way to get girls to know you. In addition, it is a great way to get girls to respect you. By socializing frequently, you’ll also gain more experience talking to girls and will likely build your confidence.
Attend any parties or events your friends invite you to.
Consider hosting a parties or gatherings at your house.
Join friends on outings to movies, bars, the county fair, or other events.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:17",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Behaving Like Someone Girls Will Admire\\n1-1. Act like a gentleman.\\nOne way to gain admiration of girls around you is to act like a gentleman at all times. If you act like a gentleman, girls will see that you are serious, mature, and know how to treat them.\\nPractice the art of quiet confidence. Gentlemen are confident, but never find the need to brag. To be more confident, constantly tell yourself how capable you are. Don't question yourself or your abilities. Be sure of yourself.\\nAlways be polite and show respect to the girls around you. In order to be polite and respectful, never force anyone to do anything they don't want to do. In addition, don't think you know what they want or what they think. Always ask people their opinions and thank them when appropriate.\\nRemember, you do not need to patronize or treat women in an inferior manner to act like a gentleman. Simply remember to be considerate and thoughtful. To be more considerate, always think of others as you are doing something. Ask yourself \\\"how do my words or actions affect other people?\\\"\\n1-2. Demonstrate a positive worldview.\\nWhen talking to girls around you or anyone else, you should show that you are a positive person with a positive worldview. This is important, as many people admire people with positive outlooks and want to surround themselves with positive people.\\nAlways try to emphasize the bright side or silver lining of problematic events.\\nNever say bad things about people.\\nEncourage your friends to better themselves and to achieve the goals they want to achieve.\\n1-3. Listen to girls when they speak.\\nAnother way to gain the admiration of girls is to be a good listener. Good listeners do just that – they listen. When you truly listen to people, you send the signal that you care about them.\\nAsk girls about themselves and what they like and think.\\nDon’t interrupt them as they speak.\\nTry to remember what people are saying.\\n1-4. Show respect.\\nRespect is a key value in any relationship and one that everyone, especially girls, will admire. Respect goes both ways. Each person in a new encounter or relationship should have respect not only for themselves but also for others. Here are some easy ways you can stress respect in communication:\\nUse words of encouragement. “It sounds like you had a rough day at work, but I really admire how you handled that tough situation. I’m always here for you if you need to talk.”\\nCommunicate words of understanding. “You have a very interesting point of view that I’d love to understand more. Please tell me more about what you think and what led you to that conclusion.”\\nCommunicate words of unity. “I have some insight from my background in math, but that doesn’t mean I have all of the right answers. I respect your role and what you’re able to contribute to the group, too, and would love to hear your take.”\\n1-5. Empathize with people.\\nEmpathy is one trait that most people admire in others. If you consistently show empathy to people, you’ll become known as someone who is empathetic. In the end, more girls will respect and admire you.\\nIf someone you’re talking to or socializing with is going through a rough patch, let them know that you understand their struggle and that you care for them.\\nAvoid dismissing the struggles of others.\\nShow warmth to people as you talk to them.\\nIf you have a hard time empathizing, just try to imagine yourself in their situation.\\n1-6. Provide help to people who need help.\\nBeing a charitable person who helps others is also an admirable quality. If you consistently help people who need help, you’ll build a reputation as someone who spends your time helping others.\\nVolunteer at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen.\\nOrganize a Toys for Tots drive around the holidays.\\nCollect money for UNICEF or do other fundraising for the less fortunate.\\nInvite others, like girls you know, to help.\\n2. Looking Like Someone Girls Will Admire\\n2-1. Strive for success at whatever you do.\\nOne thing that often gains the admiration of men and women alike is success. Many people like to be around others they consider successful. As a result, you should strive for success at whatever you do.\\nIf you play a sport, strive to be the best you can be. You don’t have to be the star player, just succeed at what you do.\\nTry to get good grades in school.\\nDo your best at work and strive for a promotion or raise.\\n2-2. Stay fit and active.\\nWhile you don’t need to be a bodybuilder or an athlete to gain the admiration of the girls around you, being fit and healthy will certainly help. This is important, because taking care of yourself signals to girls that not only do you care about your appearance, but you’re willing to do what it takes to meet your goals. At the same time, being in shape will probably make you attractive to girls.\\nCommit to a regular cardio workout. Consider swimming or running as two good options.\\nThink about some light weight training. This could include working out with free weights, working on a weight machine, or simply doing pushups and crunches.\\n2-3. Show positive body language.\\nHaving positive body language is another thing that will gain you the favor and admiration of the girls around you. If you have positive body language and a welcoming demeanor, girls will see you as someone they want to spend time with.\\nStand straight up with your shoulders up and your chest out slightly.\\nSmile when appropriate.\\nAvoid crossing your arms or taking any other defensive posture.\\n2-4. Take pride in your appearance.\\nAnother important thing to do in your effort to gain the admiration of girls around you is to work on your appearance. Fundamentally, the little things go a long way in getting others to think of you as a likeable person they admire and want to spend time with.\\nMake sure your clothes are clean and free of unintentional holes or tears.\\nAlways brush your teeth twice a day.\\nComb your hair and groom your facial hair, if you have it.\\nUse deodorant and cologne.\\nShower every day and use a good soap and shampoo.\\n3. Building an Admirable Social Life\\n3-1. Make friends with people different from yourself.\\nOne thing that that will help gain the admiration of girls is to be open to making a variety of types of friends. A diverse group of friends will show that you are open to different types of people, are interesting, and are successful socially. In addition, it will help you build a social network that is relatively large, and in which you will gain lots of experience socializing.\\nIf you’re in school, attend different types of extracurricular activities. Attending a variety of activities will help you make friends of different kinds.\\nInteract with people you don’t normally interact with. For instance, try making friends with people from different religious, racial, or ethnic groups.\\nDon't ask or expect people who are different than you to adapt to your perspective or way of life. Part of growing and becoming an admirable person is that you try to expand your perspective by engaging others in equal relationships.\\nDon't view people from different backgrounds as people to \\\"collect\\\" or to add to your social media page or social circle.\\n3-2. Build trust.\\nIt can be easy to engage with peers or acquaintances you already have in your social life, but it’s another story to trust someone or get others to trust you. Especially for girls, trust is the biggest thing when building new friendships or relationships. Being truthful and honest about yourself is a good starting point to help girls build trust within you.\\nWhen you’ve established trust, maintain your honesty, integrity, and trust by maintaining the relationship. If people can build and maintain a strong basic level of trust, they can work resilience into that friendship.\\nKeep in mind that initiating, building, and maintaining a relationship with a girl doesn’t come with a handbook. This means that communicating well is your best bet to maintain trust.\\n3-3. Show kindness to people around you.\\nKindness is one trait that most all people respect and admire. Showing kindness to those around you will definitely help you gain the admiration of girls that you know.\\nWhenever someone is feeling down or discouraged, try your best to pep them up.\\nWhen something bad happens to someone you know, like the death of a friend or family member, comfort them and do anything you can to make their time of loss easier.\\n3-4. Engage in social activities as often as you can.\\nSocializing is one way to get girls to know you. In addition, it is a great way to get girls to respect you. By socializing frequently, you’ll also gain more experience talking to girls and will likely build your confidence.\\nAttend any parties or events your friends invite you to.\\nConsider hosting a parties or gatherings at your house.\\nJoin friends on outings to movies, bars, the county fair, or other events.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Gaining the admiration of girls is something that is much harder than it might seem. Not only do you have to show that you are someone girls want to be around, but you’ve got to engage them in a way that is compelling and leads them to want to associate with you more often. At the same time, you’ve also got to look like a well put together and confident person. Ultimately, while this make some time and effort, you can be the person who gains the admiration of girls around you.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Behaving Like Someone Girls Will Admire\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Act like a gentleman.\", \"描述\": \"One way to gain admiration of girls around you is to act like a gentleman at all times. If you act like a gentleman, girls will see that you are serious, mature, and know how to treat them.\\nPractice the art of quiet confidence. Gentlemen are confident, but never find the need to brag. To be more confident, constantly tell yourself how capable you are. Don't question yourself or your abilities. Be sure of yourself.\\nAlways be polite and show respect to the girls around you. In order to be polite and respectful, never force anyone to do anything they don't want to do. In addition, don't think you know what they want or what they think. Always ask people their opinions and thank them when appropriate.\\nRemember, you do not need to patronize or treat women in an inferior manner to act like a gentleman. Simply remember to be considerate and thoughtful. To be more considerate, always think of others as you are doing something. Ask yourself \\\"how do my words or actions affect other people?\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Demonstrate a positive worldview.\", \"描述\": \"When talking to girls around you or anyone else, you should show that you are a positive person with a positive worldview. This is important, as many people admire people with positive outlooks and want to surround themselves with positive people.\\nAlways try to emphasize the bright side or silver lining of problematic events.\\nNever say bad things about people.\\nEncourage your friends to better themselves and to achieve the goals they want to achieve.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Listen to girls when they speak.\", \"描述\": \"Another way to gain the admiration of girls is to be a good listener. Good listeners do just that – they listen. When you truly listen to people, you send the signal that you care about them.\\nAsk girls about themselves and what they like and think.\\nDon’t interrupt them as they speak.\\nTry to remember what people are saying.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Show respect.\", \"描述\": \"Respect is a key value in any relationship and one that everyone, especially girls, will admire. Respect goes both ways. Each person in a new encounter or relationship should have respect not only for themselves but also for others. Here are some easy ways you can stress respect in communication:\\nUse words of encouragement. “It sounds like you had a rough day at work, but I really admire how you handled that tough situation. I’m always here for you if you need to talk.”\\nCommunicate words of understanding. “You have a very interesting point of view that I’d love to understand more. Please tell me more about what you think and what led you to that conclusion.”\\nCommunicate words of unity. “I have some insight from my background in math, but that doesn’t mean I have all of the right answers. I respect your role and what you’re able to contribute to the group, too, and would love to hear your take.”\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Empathize with people.\", \"描述\": \"Empathy is one trait that most people admire in others. If you consistently show empathy to people, you’ll become known as someone who is empathetic. In the end, more girls will respect and admire you.\\nIf someone you’re talking to or socializing with is going through a rough patch, let them know that you understand their struggle and that you care for them.\\nAvoid dismissing the struggles of others.\\nShow warmth to people as you talk to them.\\nIf you have a hard time empathizing, just try to imagine yourself in their situation.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Provide help to people who need help.\", \"描述\": \"Being a charitable person who helps others is also an admirable quality. If you consistently help people who need help, you’ll build a reputation as someone who spends your time helping others.\\nVolunteer at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen.\\nOrganize a Toys for Tots drive around the holidays.\\nCollect money for UNICEF or do other fundraising for the less fortunate.\\nInvite others, like girls you know, to help.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Looking Like Someone Girls Will Admire\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Strive for success at whatever you do.\", \"描述\": \"One thing that often gains the admiration of men and women alike is success. Many people like to be around others they consider successful. As a result, you should strive for success at whatever you do.\\nIf you play a sport, strive to be the best you can be. You don’t have to be the star player, just succeed at what you do.\\nTry to get good grades in school.\\nDo your best at work and strive for a promotion or raise.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Stay fit and active.\", \"描述\": \"While you don’t need to be a bodybuilder or an athlete to gain the admiration of the girls around you, being fit and healthy will certainly help. This is important, because taking care of yourself signals to girls that not only do you care about your appearance, but you’re willing to do what it takes to meet your goals. At the same time, being in shape will probably make you attractive to girls.\\nCommit to a regular cardio workout. Consider swimming or running as two good options.\\nThink about some light weight training. This could include working out with free weights, working on a weight machine, or simply doing pushups and crunches.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Show positive body language.\", \"描述\": \"Having positive body language is another thing that will gain you the favor and admiration of the girls around you. If you have positive body language and a welcoming demeanor, girls will see you as someone they want to spend time with.\\nStand straight up with your shoulders up and your chest out slightly.\\nSmile when appropriate.\\nAvoid crossing your arms or taking any other defensive posture.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Take pride in your appearance.\", \"描述\": \"Another important thing to do in your effort to gain the admiration of girls around you is to work on your appearance. Fundamentally, the little things go a long way in getting others to think of you as a likeable person they admire and want to spend time with.\\nMake sure your clothes are clean and free of unintentional holes or tears.\\nAlways brush your teeth twice a day.\\nComb your hair and groom your facial hair, if you have it.\\nUse deodorant and cologne.\\nShower every day and use a good soap and shampoo.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Building an Admirable Social Life\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make friends with people different from yourself.\", \"描述\": \"One thing that that will help gain the admiration of girls is to be open to making a variety of types of friends. A diverse group of friends will show that you are open to different types of people, are interesting, and are successful socially. In addition, it will help you build a social network that is relatively large, and in which you will gain lots of experience socializing.\\nIf you’re in school, attend different types of extracurricular activities. Attending a variety of activities will help you make friends of different kinds.\\nInteract with people you don’t normally interact with. For instance, try making friends with people from different religious, racial, or ethnic groups.\\nDon't ask or expect people who are different than you to adapt to your perspective or way of life. Part of growing and becoming an admirable person is that you try to expand your perspective by engaging others in equal relationships.\\nDon't view people from different backgrounds as people to \\\"collect\\\" or to add to your social media page or social circle.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Build trust.\", \"描述\": \"It can be easy to engage with peers or acquaintances you already have in your social life, but it’s another story to trust someone or get others to trust you. Especially for girls, trust is the biggest thing when building new friendships or relationships. Being truthful and honest about yourself is a good starting point to help girls build trust within you.\\nWhen you’ve established trust, maintain your honesty, integrity, and trust by maintaining the relationship. If people can build and maintain a strong basic level of trust, they can work resilience into that friendship.\\nKeep in mind that initiating, building, and maintaining a relationship with a girl doesn’t come with a handbook. This means that communicating well is your best bet to maintain trust.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Show kindness to people around you.\", \"描述\": \"Kindness is one trait that most all people respect and admire. Showing kindness to those around you will definitely help you gain the admiration of girls that you know.\\nWhenever someone is feeling down or discouraged, try your best to pep them up.\\nWhen something bad happens to someone you know, like the death of a friend or family member, comfort them and do anything you can to make their time of loss easier.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Engage in social activities as often as you can.\", \"描述\": \"Socializing is one way to get girls to know you. In addition, it is a great way to get girls to respect you. By socializing frequently, you’ll also gain more experience talking to girls and will likely build your confidence.\\nAttend any parties or events your friends invite you to.\\nConsider hosting a parties or gatherings at your house.\\nJoin friends on outings to movies, bars, the county fair, or other events.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,530 | How to Be Adorable | 1. Acting Adorable
1-1. Treat others with kindness.
Adorable people possess generous hearts and spirits and are always giving people the kindness and care they deserve. Be kind and compassionate to other people, whether we're talking about your best friend, your mother, or perfect strangers. Don't be rude or snappy, even if you're in a bad mood. Adorable people are supposed to enjoy life and to be loved by others, and you can only achieve those things with a healthy dose of kindness.
Ask people how they feel and how they're doing.
This doesn't just apply to being kind to humans. Be kind to cats and dogs, too! Better yet if you're always hanging out with your pet. People say owners end up taking on the characteristics of their pets, and pets are usually adorable!
1-2. Maintain a positive attitude.
Adorable people haven't lost their zest for life or their youthful hopefulness. This means that they generally maintain a positive attitude and are optimistic and fun to be around. You don't have to completely fake it if you've had a bad day, but you should aim to be as positive, cheerful, and upbeat as possible so people have a good time when they're in your orbit. You can't picture an adorable person who is always whining, moping, or expecting the worst, can you?
Adorable people haven't been beat down by the world and expect the best to happen. And the more you expect the best to happen, the more that it will.
If you want to be a positive person with a good attitude, then you can't go around gossiping about people behind their backs. You should work on saying mostly positive things about people or you'll get a bad reputation.
An adorable person can also help other people see the world in a more optimistic light during difficult situations.
1-3. Be curious about the world around you.
Adorable people have an innate curiosity about life and want to know everything about the world; it goes back to being a little kid on your father's lap, pointing at everything and asking, "What's that?" That's the attitude you have to maintain if you want to be adorable and stay excited about life. Stay awake and alert and continue appreciating all of the news things the world has to offer.
If your friend got a new job, ask all about what he does; if you see an item on the news, read up on it so you get what's going on. If a friend mentions a band you never heard of, ask what they're like -- and if you can go to one of their concerts.
1-4. Flirt a little bit.
Adorable people can be a little flirtatious because they are warm and friendly people. So, make a habit of being just a little bit flirty when you talk to someone of your romantic interest, or even to "friend flirt" a little bit, just by teasing people, being playful, and keeping things light. You don't want to overdo it and look more sexy than you intended; just a bit of flirtation is just fine.
Talk a little more softly than you normally would.
Make eye contact and then break it every once in a while when it gets to be too much.
Play with your hair. This gesture can be interpreted as being flirtatious.
1-5. Maintain your innocence.
This doesn't mean that you have to be a prude or to act like you have no idea what's going on. However, if you want to be adorable, then you don't want to be a crude person who wants to talk about the cruelest, grittiest aspects of life, either. You want to stay a little bit wide-eyed, curious, and affronted by anything that is overly vulgar and offensive. You should avoid cursing too much or just sounding like a frat boy or you won't be adorable for much longer. Be as innocent as you can without being a perfect angel.
It's a tricky balance. You don't want people to think that you're so innocent that they can't say anything around you. On the other hand, you don't want people to think your mind is in the gutter, either.
1-6. Laugh.
Adorable people are always laughing and smiling and having a good time (remember the part about staying positive?). You should have a great sense of humor and shouldn't be afraid to laugh when you think something is funny, however silly or corny it may be. You should always be seen with a smile on your face, or heard laughing from the other side of the room. Adorable people have their hearts open for humor, and are often found laughing or telling jokes.
This goes back to maintaining that youthful innocence and fun demeanor. Little kids unabashedly laugh at anything they find funny; when they grow up, they are made to feel ashamed about their laughter and slowly begin to conform to grown-up standards of humor. If you want to be adorable, then you have to throw those expectations out the window and be true to the things that really make you laugh.
2. Looking Adorable
2-1. Have a good hairstyle.
If you want an adorable hairstyle, then you should avoid anything that looks too complicated or modern. You can have long, wavy hair, shorter curly hair, or a cute bob that falls just below your ears. If you have the right attitude, you can make your hairstyle look truly adorable. You should also consider getting bangs or a fringe, which can make almost any haircut look more adorable, as long as they flatter your face shape.
You can wear your hair down, half-way up, put it in loose pigtails, a high ponytail, or in a headband. You can even add a cute hair barrette into the mix for an extra adorable look.
2-2. Apply makeup that accentuate your features.
For girls who want to wear some makeup to be more adorable, the key is not to wear too much. Just some light lip gloss, subtle eye shadow, and a bit of mascara should do the trick. Your look should look natural, not like you spent hours trying to look like a runway model. And if you don't normally wear makeup, then keep rocking your simple, cute look.
Keep your lips soft by applying lip balm or lip gloss every few hours.
2-3. Maintain your hygiene.
Remember that no one has ever been too clean. If you want to be adorable, then you have to keep your teeth sparkly white, bathe every day, and use soap that smells subtle but nice. Put on some lotion to make your skin soft, and wash your hair at least every other day, if you can. Wash your face every day and night and keep your fingernails clean too.
You should also smell nice and fresh without smelling too perfumed or strong.
2-4. Wear comfortable and well-fitted clothes.
If you want to be adorable, then you have to rock adorable clothes. That means you should avoid anything too tight, too revealing, or which just looks a bit too racy. You can wear simple-colored clothes, or clothes with polka-dots or simple patterns. Make sure they fit you well and that they look clean and fresh at all times. Some adorable clothes include baby-doll dresses, overalls with a cute tank top, strappy sandals, big sweaters with leggings, or button down shirts that are pastel colored.
You can try wearing a graphic tee with an image from your child hood on it, like My Little Ponies(this is really cheap, as you can get really cute graphic tees and sweatshirts from the juniors section at Walmart). This will do the trick of looking both ironic and adorable at once.
Have adorable accessories too. If you want to be adorable, then you can add a few accessories to your outfits. You don't have to do anything major. Just simple silver or gold earrings, chunky bracelets, or rings with pretty stones will do.
2-5. Work on facial expressions.
Your face also has to look adorable. This means that you shouldn't be seen scowling, looking generally miserable, or furrowing your brow too much. Instead, you should look like you're happy to be alive and that you could break into a smile at any second. Your eyes should be alert and curious. You can even bite your lip occasionally, since this can make you look cute.
When you talk to other people, make sure that you really look into their eyes and follow along. This will show that you truly care about them, which is definitely adorable.
2-6. Display decent body language.
If you want to be adorable, then keep a straight posture without hunching over, be sweet and friendly with your gestures, and look up instead of down at the ground. You can also fidget with your hands or the bottom of your shirt a bit, since this can betray a nervousness that can be seen as adorable. Don't cross your arms over your chest or you'll be seen as closed off instead of adorable and open to what the world has to offer.
3. Possessing Adorable Qualities
3-1. Be helpful
Adorable people can always be found helping others, whether you're helping an old lady cross the street, helping your little brother with his homework, or helping a puppy find a new home. Look out for opportunities where you can help people, whether they are people you know or strangers in need of help. When you're talking to one of your friends and it obviously seems like he has a problem, then you should offer to help even if he hasn't asked you for it.
This doesn't mean that you should get taken advantage of by always helping your friends and getting nothing back. If you help your friends, then they should help you. If you volunteer your time, then the universe will get you back.
3-2. Be youthful.
Being youthful is different from acting young or being completely immature. It just means that you shouldn't be world-weary, or look so tired and downtrodden that you've forgotten the fun, playful person you were as a child. Remember what it was like to have fun all the time, to be fascinated by the world, and to seize new opportunities. Laugh at corny jokes, try a dance class, or just chase your best friends around a park. You can be wise while still choosing to be young at heart.
Youthful people don't complain about having to walk or to do something they don't want to do; they're too busy being in awe of life to slow down to complain.
3-3. Have good manners.
Adorable people always know when to say "please" and "thank you" and keep everything upbeat and positive. They are always polite, respectful to their elders and people in the service industry, and they hold doors for people and avoid burping or belching in public. They put napkins on their laps before they eat, know how to be kind over the telephone, and clean up after themselves. If you want to be adorable, then you definitely have to hone your manners.
3-4. Be sweet.
Adorable people are also very sweet. Being sweet means being kind, joyful, and generally gracious to others. If you're sweet, then you want to make other people feel loved and special, and to show people that you really care about them, even if you're just getting to know each other. This shouldn't be faked or forced, and you shouldn't be sweet one minute only to be mean behind someone's back the next second. Being sweet takes practice, but you can learn to show love for people if you work on it.
3-5. Be playful
Adorable people are playful because they're curious about life and love exploring things. They like kicking a soccer ball around a beach, they like getting piggyback rides, and they like teasing their friends and having a good time. If you want to be playful, then you have to be open to new things, not be afraid to look at the world like a kid, and to find new uses for old things. If you want to be adorable, then being playful will help you keep up your sweet, fun image.
3-6. Be friendly and warm.
Treat everyone with warmth and friendliness. They wave to people they know (or sometimes, people they don't know), they remember people's names, and they compliment people when they deserve it. They ask people questions about their lives, show them that they care about what they think, and they even invite people to go out to the movies or throw parties for their close friends. Warmth is a vibe you give off; you want people to feel your kindness, positive energy, and genuine spirit radiating all around you. Even if you're a bit shy, you could always work on being a bit more friendly.
Friendly people are also always making new friends and introducing them to their old friends. They aren't afraid to be nice to people who are pretty different from them.
Warm people are welcoming; when people meet them, they just want to be around them as much as they can.
Tips
Don't worry what your size is! its just a number! Make sure you wear clothing that fits you and is stylish for your shape.
Say cute random things and try to make sense of it.
Tell yourself that you are good enough everyday, because you are!
Warnings
People may try to tell you that you're acting fake; but don't let them disappoint you.
Being helpful and caring doesn't mean being a pushover and getting taken advantage of. It's important to learn how to graciously say "no."
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"create_time": "20230517 10:50:17",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Acting Adorable\\n1-1. Treat others with kindness.\\nAdorable people possess generous hearts and spirits and are always giving people the kindness and care they deserve. Be kind and compassionate to other people, whether we're talking about your best friend, your mother, or perfect strangers. Don't be rude or snappy, even if you're in a bad mood. Adorable people are supposed to enjoy life and to be loved by others, and you can only achieve those things with a healthy dose of kindness.\\nAsk people how they feel and how they're doing.\\nThis doesn't just apply to being kind to humans. Be kind to cats and dogs, too! Better yet if you're always hanging out with your pet. People say owners end up taking on the characteristics of their pets, and pets are usually adorable!\\n1-2. Maintain a positive attitude.\\nAdorable people haven't lost their zest for life or their youthful hopefulness. This means that they generally maintain a positive attitude and are optimistic and fun to be around. You don't have to completely fake it if you've had a bad day, but you should aim to be as positive, cheerful, and upbeat as possible so people have a good time when they're in your orbit. You can't picture an adorable person who is always whining, moping, or expecting the worst, can you?\\nAdorable people haven't been beat down by the world and expect the best to happen. And the more you expect the best to happen, the more that it will.\\nIf you want to be a positive person with a good attitude, then you can't go around gossiping about people behind their backs. You should work on saying mostly positive things about people or you'll get a bad reputation.\\nAn adorable person can also help other people see the world in a more optimistic light during difficult situations.\\n1-3. Be curious about the world around you.\\nAdorable people have an innate curiosity about life and want to know everything about the world; it goes back to being a little kid on your father's lap, pointing at everything and asking, \\\"What's that?\\\" That's the attitude you have to maintain if you want to be adorable and stay excited about life. Stay awake and alert and continue appreciating all of the news things the world has to offer.\\nIf your friend got a new job, ask all about what he does; if you see an item on the news, read up on it so you get what's going on. If a friend mentions a band you never heard of, ask what they're like -- and if you can go to one of their concerts.\\n1-4. Flirt a little bit.\\nAdorable people can be a little flirtatious because they are warm and friendly people. So, make a habit of being just a little bit flirty when you talk to someone of your romantic interest, or even to \\\"friend flirt\\\" a little bit, just by teasing people, being playful, and keeping things light. You don't want to overdo it and look more sexy than you intended; just a bit of flirtation is just fine.\\nTalk a little more softly than you normally would.\\nMake eye contact and then break it every once in a while when it gets to be too much.\\nPlay with your hair. This gesture can be interpreted as being flirtatious.\\n1-5. Maintain your innocence.\\nThis doesn't mean that you have to be a prude or to act like you have no idea what's going on. However, if you want to be adorable, then you don't want to be a crude person who wants to talk about the cruelest, grittiest aspects of life, either. You want to stay a little bit wide-eyed, curious, and affronted by anything that is overly vulgar and offensive. You should avoid cursing too much or just sounding like a frat boy or you won't be adorable for much longer. Be as innocent as you can without being a perfect angel.\\nIt's a tricky balance. You don't want people to think that you're so innocent that they can't say anything around you. On the other hand, you don't want people to think your mind is in the gutter, either.\\n1-6. Laugh.\\nAdorable people are always laughing and smiling and having a good time (remember the part about staying positive?). You should have a great sense of humor and shouldn't be afraid to laugh when you think something is funny, however silly or corny it may be. You should always be seen with a smile on your face, or heard laughing from the other side of the room. Adorable people have their hearts open for humor, and are often found laughing or telling jokes.\\nThis goes back to maintaining that youthful innocence and fun demeanor. Little kids unabashedly laugh at anything they find funny; when they grow up, they are made to feel ashamed about their laughter and slowly begin to conform to grown-up standards of humor. If you want to be adorable, then you have to throw those expectations out the window and be true to the things that really make you laugh.\\n2. Looking Adorable\\n2-1. Have a good hairstyle.\\nIf you want an adorable hairstyle, then you should avoid anything that looks too complicated or modern. You can have long, wavy hair, shorter curly hair, or a cute bob that falls just below your ears. If you have the right attitude, you can make your hairstyle look truly adorable. You should also consider getting bangs or a fringe, which can make almost any haircut look more adorable, as long as they flatter your face shape.\\nYou can wear your hair down, half-way up, put it in loose pigtails, a high ponytail, or in a headband. You can even add a cute hair barrette into the mix for an extra adorable look.\\n2-2. Apply makeup that accentuate your features.\\nFor girls who want to wear some makeup to be more adorable, the key is not to wear too much. Just some light lip gloss, subtle eye shadow, and a bit of mascara should do the trick. Your look should look natural, not like you spent hours trying to look like a runway model. And if you don't normally wear makeup, then keep rocking your simple, cute look.\\nKeep your lips soft by applying lip balm or lip gloss every few hours.\\n2-3. Maintain your hygiene.\\nRemember that no one has ever been too clean. If you want to be adorable, then you have to keep your teeth sparkly white, bathe every day, and use soap that smells subtle but nice. Put on some lotion to make your skin soft, and wash your hair at least every other day, if you can. Wash your face every day and night and keep your fingernails clean too.\\nYou should also smell nice and fresh without smelling too perfumed or strong.\\n2-4. Wear comfortable and well-fitted clothes.\\nIf you want to be adorable, then you have to rock adorable clothes. That means you should avoid anything too tight, too revealing, or which just looks a bit too racy. You can wear simple-colored clothes, or clothes with polka-dots or simple patterns. Make sure they fit you well and that they look clean and fresh at all times. Some adorable clothes include baby-doll dresses, overalls with a cute tank top, strappy sandals, big sweaters with leggings, or button down shirts that are pastel colored.\\nYou can try wearing a graphic tee with an image from your child hood on it, like My Little Ponies(this is really cheap, as you can get really cute graphic tees and sweatshirts from the juniors section at Walmart). This will do the trick of looking both ironic and adorable at once.\\nHave adorable accessories too. If you want to be adorable, then you can add a few accessories to your outfits. You don't have to do anything major. Just simple silver or gold earrings, chunky bracelets, or rings with pretty stones will do.\\n2-5. Work on facial expressions.\\nYour face also has to look adorable. This means that you shouldn't be seen scowling, looking generally miserable, or furrowing your brow too much. Instead, you should look like you're happy to be alive and that you could break into a smile at any second. Your eyes should be alert and curious. You can even bite your lip occasionally, since this can make you look cute.\\nWhen you talk to other people, make sure that you really look into their eyes and follow along. This will show that you truly care about them, which is definitely adorable.\\n2-6. Display decent body language.\\nIf you want to be adorable, then keep a straight posture without hunching over, be sweet and friendly with your gestures, and look up instead of down at the ground. You can also fidget with your hands or the bottom of your shirt a bit, since this can betray a nervousness that can be seen as adorable. Don't cross your arms over your chest or you'll be seen as closed off instead of adorable and open to what the world has to offer.\\n3. Possessing Adorable Qualities\\n3-1. Be helpful\\nAdorable people can always be found helping others, whether you're helping an old lady cross the street, helping your little brother with his homework, or helping a puppy find a new home. Look out for opportunities where you can help people, whether they are people you know or strangers in need of help. When you're talking to one of your friends and it obviously seems like he has a problem, then you should offer to help even if he hasn't asked you for it.\\nThis doesn't mean that you should get taken advantage of by always helping your friends and getting nothing back. If you help your friends, then they should help you. If you volunteer your time, then the universe will get you back.\\n3-2. Be youthful.\\nBeing youthful is different from acting young or being completely immature. It just means that you shouldn't be world-weary, or look so tired and downtrodden that you've forgotten the fun, playful person you were as a child. Remember what it was like to have fun all the time, to be fascinated by the world, and to seize new opportunities. Laugh at corny jokes, try a dance class, or just chase your best friends around a park. You can be wise while still choosing to be young at heart.\\nYouthful people don't complain about having to walk or to do something they don't want to do; they're too busy being in awe of life to slow down to complain.\\n3-3. Have good manners.\\nAdorable people always know when to say \\\"please\\\" and \\\"thank you\\\" and keep everything upbeat and positive. They are always polite, respectful to their elders and people in the service industry, and they hold doors for people and avoid burping or belching in public. They put napkins on their laps before they eat, know how to be kind over the telephone, and clean up after themselves. If you want to be adorable, then you definitely have to hone your manners.\\n3-4. Be sweet.\\nAdorable people are also very sweet. Being sweet means being kind, joyful, and generally gracious to others. If you're sweet, then you want to make other people feel loved and special, and to show people that you really care about them, even if you're just getting to know each other. This shouldn't be faked or forced, and you shouldn't be sweet one minute only to be mean behind someone's back the next second. Being sweet takes practice, but you can learn to show love for people if you work on it.\\n3-5. Be playful\\nAdorable people are playful because they're curious about life and love exploring things. They like kicking a soccer ball around a beach, they like getting piggyback rides, and they like teasing their friends and having a good time. If you want to be playful, then you have to be open to new things, not be afraid to look at the world like a kid, and to find new uses for old things. If you want to be adorable, then being playful will help you keep up your sweet, fun image.\\n3-6. Be friendly and warm.\\nTreat everyone with warmth and friendliness. They wave to people they know (or sometimes, people they don't know), they remember people's names, and they compliment people when they deserve it. They ask people questions about their lives, show them that they care about what they think, and they even invite people to go out to the movies or throw parties for their close friends. Warmth is a vibe you give off; you want people to feel your kindness, positive energy, and genuine spirit radiating all around you. Even if you're a bit shy, you could always work on being a bit more friendly.\\nFriendly people are also always making new friends and introducing them to their old friends. They aren't afraid to be nice to people who are pretty different from them.\\nWarm people are welcoming; when people meet them, they just want to be around them as much as they can.\\nTips\\nDon't worry what your size is! its just a number! Make sure you wear clothing that fits you and is stylish for your shape.\\nSay cute random things and try to make sense of it.\\nTell yourself that you are good enough everyday, because you are!\\nWarnings\\nPeople may try to tell you that you're acting fake; but don't let them disappoint you.\\nBeing helpful and caring doesn't mean being a pushover and getting taken advantage of. It's important to learn how to graciously say \\\"no.\\\"\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"You don't have to dress like a third grader or put your hair in high pigtails to be adorable. Being adorable isn't about being young and cute; it's about being sweet, friendly, and fun to be around. Being adorable without being too obvious is something you can achieve with the steps that follow.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Acting Adorable\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Treat others with kindness.\", \"描述\": \"Adorable people possess generous hearts and spirits and are always giving people the kindness and care they deserve. Be kind and compassionate to other people, whether we're talking about your best friend, your mother, or perfect strangers. Don't be rude or snappy, even if you're in a bad mood. Adorable people are supposed to enjoy life and to be loved by others, and you can only achieve those things with a healthy dose of kindness.\\nAsk people how they feel and how they're doing.\\nThis doesn't just apply to being kind to humans. Be kind to cats and dogs, too! Better yet if you're always hanging out with your pet. People say owners end up taking on the characteristics of their pets, and pets are usually adorable!\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Maintain a positive attitude.\", \"描述\": \"Adorable people haven't lost their zest for life or their youthful hopefulness. This means that they generally maintain a positive attitude and are optimistic and fun to be around. You don't have to completely fake it if you've had a bad day, but you should aim to be as positive, cheerful, and upbeat as possible so people have a good time when they're in your orbit. You can't picture an adorable person who is always whining, moping, or expecting the worst, can you?\\nAdorable people haven't been beat down by the world and expect the best to happen. And the more you expect the best to happen, the more that it will.\\nIf you want to be a positive person with a good attitude, then you can't go around gossiping about people behind their backs. You should work on saying mostly positive things about people or you'll get a bad reputation.\\nAn adorable person can also help other people see the world in a more optimistic light during difficult situations.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be curious about the world around you.\", \"描述\": \"Adorable people have an innate curiosity about life and want to know everything about the world; it goes back to being a little kid on your father's lap, pointing at everything and asking, \\\"What's that?\\\" That's the attitude you have to maintain if you want to be adorable and stay excited about life. Stay awake and alert and continue appreciating all of the news things the world has to offer.\\nIf your friend got a new job, ask all about what he does; if you see an item on the news, read up on it so you get what's going on. If a friend mentions a band you never heard of, ask what they're like -- and if you can go to one of their concerts.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Flirt a little bit.\", \"描述\": \"Adorable people can be a little flirtatious because they are warm and friendly people. So, make a habit of being just a little bit flirty when you talk to someone of your romantic interest, or even to \\\"friend flirt\\\" a little bit, just by teasing people, being playful, and keeping things light. You don't want to overdo it and look more sexy than you intended; just a bit of flirtation is just fine.\\nTalk a little more softly than you normally would.\\nMake eye contact and then break it every once in a while when it gets to be too much.\\nPlay with your hair. This gesture can be interpreted as being flirtatious.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Maintain your innocence.\", \"描述\": \"This doesn't mean that you have to be a prude or to act like you have no idea what's going on. However, if you want to be adorable, then you don't want to be a crude person who wants to talk about the cruelest, grittiest aspects of life, either. You want to stay a little bit wide-eyed, curious, and affronted by anything that is overly vulgar and offensive. You should avoid cursing too much or just sounding like a frat boy or you won't be adorable for much longer. Be as innocent as you can without being a perfect angel.\\nIt's a tricky balance. You don't want people to think that you're so innocent that they can't say anything around you. On the other hand, you don't want people to think your mind is in the gutter, either.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Laugh.\", \"描述\": \"Adorable people are always laughing and smiling and having a good time (remember the part about staying positive?). You should have a great sense of humor and shouldn't be afraid to laugh when you think something is funny, however silly or corny it may be. You should always be seen with a smile on your face, or heard laughing from the other side of the room. Adorable people have their hearts open for humor, and are often found laughing or telling jokes.\\nThis goes back to maintaining that youthful innocence and fun demeanor. Little kids unabashedly laugh at anything they find funny; when they grow up, they are made to feel ashamed about their laughter and slowly begin to conform to grown-up standards of humor. If you want to be adorable, then you have to throw those expectations out the window and be true to the things that really make you laugh.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Looking Adorable\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Have a good hairstyle.\", \"描述\": \"If you want an adorable hairstyle, then you should avoid anything that looks too complicated or modern. You can have long, wavy hair, shorter curly hair, or a cute bob that falls just below your ears. If you have the right attitude, you can make your hairstyle look truly adorable. You should also consider getting bangs or a fringe, which can make almost any haircut look more adorable, as long as they flatter your face shape.\\nYou can wear your hair down, half-way up, put it in loose pigtails, a high ponytail, or in a headband. You can even add a cute hair barrette into the mix for an extra adorable look.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Apply makeup that accentuate your features.\", \"描述\": \"For girls who want to wear some makeup to be more adorable, the key is not to wear too much. Just some light lip gloss, subtle eye shadow, and a bit of mascara should do the trick. Your look should look natural, not like you spent hours trying to look like a runway model. And if you don't normally wear makeup, then keep rocking your simple, cute look.\\nKeep your lips soft by applying lip balm or lip gloss every few hours.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Maintain your hygiene.\", \"描述\": \"Remember that no one has ever been too clean. If you want to be adorable, then you have to keep your teeth sparkly white, bathe every day, and use soap that smells subtle but nice. Put on some lotion to make your skin soft, and wash your hair at least every other day, if you can. Wash your face every day and night and keep your fingernails clean too.\\nYou should also smell nice and fresh without smelling too perfumed or strong.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Wear comfortable and well-fitted clothes.\", \"描述\": \"If you want to be adorable, then you have to rock adorable clothes. That means you should avoid anything too tight, too revealing, or which just looks a bit too racy. You can wear simple-colored clothes, or clothes with polka-dots or simple patterns. Make sure they fit you well and that they look clean and fresh at all times. Some adorable clothes include baby-doll dresses, overalls with a cute tank top, strappy sandals, big sweaters with leggings, or button down shirts that are pastel colored.\\nYou can try wearing a graphic tee with an image from your child hood on it, like My Little Ponies(this is really cheap, as you can get really cute graphic tees and sweatshirts from the juniors section at Walmart). This will do the trick of looking both ironic and adorable at once.\\nHave adorable accessories too. If you want to be adorable, then you can add a few accessories to your outfits. You don't have to do anything major. Just simple silver or gold earrings, chunky bracelets, or rings with pretty stones will do.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Work on facial expressions.\", \"描述\": \"Your face also has to look adorable. This means that you shouldn't be seen scowling, looking generally miserable, or furrowing your brow too much. Instead, you should look like you're happy to be alive and that you could break into a smile at any second. Your eyes should be alert and curious. You can even bite your lip occasionally, since this can make you look cute.\\nWhen you talk to other people, make sure that you really look into their eyes and follow along. This will show that you truly care about them, which is definitely adorable.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Display decent body language.\", \"描述\": \"If you want to be adorable, then keep a straight posture without hunching over, be sweet and friendly with your gestures, and look up instead of down at the ground. You can also fidget with your hands or the bottom of your shirt a bit, since this can betray a nervousness that can be seen as adorable. Don't cross your arms over your chest or you'll be seen as closed off instead of adorable and open to what the world has to offer.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Possessing Adorable Qualities\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be helpful\", \"描述\": \"Adorable people can always be found helping others, whether you're helping an old lady cross the street, helping your little brother with his homework, or helping a puppy find a new home. Look out for opportunities where you can help people, whether they are people you know or strangers in need of help. When you're talking to one of your friends and it obviously seems like he has a problem, then you should offer to help even if he hasn't asked you for it.\\nThis doesn't mean that you should get taken advantage of by always helping your friends and getting nothing back. If you help your friends, then they should help you. If you volunteer your time, then the universe will get you back.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be youthful.\", \"描述\": \"Being youthful is different from acting young or being completely immature. It just means that you shouldn't be world-weary, or look so tired and downtrodden that you've forgotten the fun, playful person you were as a child. Remember what it was like to have fun all the time, to be fascinated by the world, and to seize new opportunities. Laugh at corny jokes, try a dance class, or just chase your best friends around a park. You can be wise while still choosing to be young at heart.\\nYouthful people don't complain about having to walk or to do something they don't want to do; they're too busy being in awe of life to slow down to complain.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Have good manners.\", \"描述\": \"Adorable people always know when to say \\\"please\\\" and \\\"thank you\\\" and keep everything upbeat and positive. They are always polite, respectful to their elders and people in the service industry, and they hold doors for people and avoid burping or belching in public. They put napkins on their laps before they eat, know how to be kind over the telephone, and clean up after themselves. If you want to be adorable, then you definitely have to hone your manners.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be sweet.\", \"描述\": \"Adorable people are also very sweet. Being sweet means being kind, joyful, and generally gracious to others. If you're sweet, then you want to make other people feel loved and special, and to show people that you really care about them, even if you're just getting to know each other. This shouldn't be faked or forced, and you shouldn't be sweet one minute only to be mean behind someone's back the next second. Being sweet takes practice, but you can learn to show love for people if you work on it.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be playful\", \"描述\": \"Adorable people are playful because they're curious about life and love exploring things. They like kicking a soccer ball around a beach, they like getting piggyback rides, and they like teasing their friends and having a good time. If you want to be playful, then you have to be open to new things, not be afraid to look at the world like a kid, and to find new uses for old things. If you want to be adorable, then being playful will help you keep up your sweet, fun image.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Be friendly and warm.\", \"描述\": \"Treat everyone with warmth and friendliness. They wave to people they know (or sometimes, people they don't know), they remember people's names, and they compliment people when they deserve it. They ask people questions about their lives, show them that they care about what they think, and they even invite people to go out to the movies or throw parties for their close friends. Warmth is a vibe you give off; you want people to feel your kindness, positive energy, and genuine spirit radiating all around you. Even if you're a bit shy, you could always work on being a bit more friendly.\\nFriendly people are also always making new friends and introducing them to their old friends. They aren't afraid to be nice to people who are pretty different from them.\\nWarm people are welcoming; when people meet them, they just want to be around them as much as they can.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Don't worry what your size is! its just a number! Make sure you wear clothing that fits you and is stylish for your shape.\\n\", \"Say cute random things and try to make sense of it.\\n\", \"Tell yourself that you are good enough everyday, because you are!\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"People may try to tell you that you're acting fake; but don't let them disappoint you.\\n\", \"Being helpful and caring doesn't mean being a pushover and getting taken advantage of. It's important to learn how to graciously say \\\"no.\\\"\\n\"]}]}}",
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3,531 | How to Be Adventurous | 1. Finding Your Motivation
1-1. Let go of what is holding you back.
Inhibitions are feelings that make you self-conscious and unable to act in a relaxed and natural way. Perhaps you are shy, inexperienced, or fearful. In order to let go of what is holding you back you must feel safe with yourself, your surroundings, and the people around you.
Ask yourself why you want to be adventurous. What do you think it will provide to you? Do you want to be open to all possibilities? If so, you are correct.
If you're not sure exactly what you want, try imagining you're on a desert island and nobody else's opinion can affect you. What would you want then?
Conquering physical challenges requires you to overcome mental challenges as well. For example, if you train for and climb a mountain it will challenge your physical abilities and show you how physically and mentally strong you are.
Do you think you have something to prove? Are you starved for attention? Why are you seeking a thrill? Do you think it will build your self-esteem? Do you just want to have more fun?
Take a few minutes to answer these questions as it will help you craft a plan for action.
Keep in mind that you should only change yourself for you. Don't let other people's expectations and standards affect how you live your life.
1-2. Address your fear.
If you haven't been adventurous to this point in your life, then fear has likely been holding you back. Identifying your fears might be simple, or it might take a bit more introspection (the process of directly attempting to access your own internal processes). Your feelings, thoughts, wishes, and fantasies cannot be seen, but they are very real.
Your fears might include public speaking, snakes, or high places. They may also include talking to strangers, being fired, or flunking a class. They may be rooted in a deeper fear of looking ignorant, being abandoned, or losing your sense of safety.
Conquering fear leads to building trust in yourself, your thoughts and actions. You will learn that you can take care of yourself. For example, you may be too afraid to move out of your parent's house because you don't think you can do it. If you choose to be adventurous and move out and see that you can do it, you have conquered your fear.
Use visualization techniques. Imagine yourself doing activities that challenge you to be adventurous and you coming out of it alive and healthy. These scenarios can be surfing, racing horses, exploring your musical talents or something smaller like asking an athlete for an autograph. Adventures can be big and small.
You may be avoiding adventure due to a fear of uncertainty. You must tip the scales from certain toward uncertain to remove mental obstacles preventing you from being adventurous. For example, if you avoid or procrastinate participating in events because you don't know what is going to happen, then set up small excursions that slowly build a tolerance.
1-3. Muster your adventurous feelings.
Being adventurous entails feeling mentally free, open and willing to experience life. Opening your heart by being kind to yourself will help you build personal strengths.
If you need to feel safe before you are comfortable doing something new, use meditation and yoga to calm you and relieve stress. Once you establish a sense of safety and calm you will be more open to adventure. For example, you will go on vacation by yourself to Portugal despite not knowing any Portuguese.
Give yourself a push toward feeling free. It can be helpful to say self-affirmations like, "Everything is going to be okay; I'm ready to get started; This change is going to be good for me!" Being vocal helps as well. Simply yelling at that moment works to expend the energy to move you forward.
Take safety precautions. Being adventurous does not mean that you do things that are unsafe. Physically demanding adventures must include a deliberate evaluation of the dangers involved. For example, if you want to learn to race a boat, you must research the safety requirements. Consulting with a professional is advised.
2. Creating a New Habit
2-1. Explore your interests.
There are times in life when you get too busy to think about what interests you. If you want to be more adventurous, then you need to take the time to have some fun and explore. Perhaps you've always wanted to travel or spend a school semester in a foreign country. Maybe designing sets for stage plays has always intrigued you.
If you want to be adventurous in your career, access questionnaires online that help identify your interests.
Talk to people who are doing the things that interest you. Ask them if they have any tips for getting involved.
You might discover new interests that you didn't even know about. For example, there might be a martial arts studio that you drive by each day. One day you decide to be adventurous and make a visit. You observe a class and like what you see, and sign up for a class.
2-2. Pick a role model.
You may know someone who does the things you want to do. She might be a person who seems fearless and accomplishes what she sets out to do. She spends her vacations building houses for the poor, whitewater rafting, and scuba diving in the ocean. You admire this person and you would like to learn from them about being adventurous.
Choose a mentor to help you. A mentor can be a friend, family member or someone you are acquainted with at work. Talk to the person and ask, “I am trying to be more adventurous in my life and it seems like you do that really well. Is there any advice you can give me? Would you mind if I checked in with you periodically to talk about this?”
You can model your behavior after a professional you don't know. For example, if there is an oceanographer you admire who has a TV show you can watch the show and follow the person on social media. You can ask the person questions via social media channels.
2-3. Make a plan for adventure.
Lay out your plans to take a trip, make a change or try something new. Determine how often you want to do these things. Commit to doing something new once a day, week, or month. If you schedule your events, making them a “to-do list,” you are more likely to carry them out.
It could be fun to plan an adventure with friends. Discuss and agree to have each person take responsibility for a task that needs to be accomplished. For example, one person can check on airline ticket prices; another person identifies things to do when you are at your destination.
Travel around the world. With proper planning it is possible to travel the world in cost-effective ways. It may be cheaper to do than you think. Investigate costs before you allow it to deter you from being adventurous.
2-4. Take action.
You can't be adventurous if you sit around doing nothing. Even the quest to become more adventurous, is in fact an adventure. Like any other change in life, you must take action for it to happen. Start with small steps and build to larger ones. Recognize that each step is movement toward your goal.
Set your limits and boundaries. Being adventurous will involve doing things that are outside your comfort zone. You may be comfortable hiking in nature, but you have no interest in skydiving. Be reasonable with yourself and know your limits. Don't be afraid to tell others that you have limits as well.
One way to take action is to vary your routine. Avoid getting stuck in a rut doing the same things the same way over and over. Even something as simple as shopping for groceries in a new market will give you a new perspective. Being adventurous can open you to new possibilities. For example, you go to the new market and meet someone who turns out to offer you a job, take you on a date, or he knows someone you grew up with that you haven't seen in years. This would not have happened without you taking adventurous action.
3. Exploring Your World
3-1. Find others who share your interests.
Humans are drawn to people who share a common interest and have fun together. Enthusiasm for life is contagious. If you find a group of people who share your interest in adventure, you will almost never feel alone.
Locate groups online and screen them for compatibility. For example, if you like computer animation, perhaps you could find a local animation film festival and volunteer to work there. You will meet people who not only share an interest in animation, but you get to learn about the film festival process.
Observe bulletin boards at school or in public places. There are groups that meet and are always looking for new members. Take a chance. It might change your life.
Attend an event and ask questions. For example, you attend a motorcycle show and ask one of the curators, “This show is fantastic. How does someone get involved in putting something like this on?” Most people will have a short conversation with you that might lead you to something exciting.
3-2. Exercise your curiosity.
A curious mind asks questions. You can maintain your enthusiasm for adventure by constantly asking questions. How do things work? What does it take to do that? Why do we have to always do it that way? When can we make a change for the better? Curiosity is at the root of being adventurous.
Create situations for yourself that will force you out of your comfort zone. Awkwardness is the first step toward learning something new.
Read books about things you know nothing about, then make a point to talk to others about it.
Talk to people doing jobs that you have never done.
Observe people at play, doing their job, or relaxing with friends and family. Notice the things they do that are similar and different than the way you do them.
3-3. Change careers.
If you are feeling stifled by your job, then take steps to find a new job that interests you. Financial support is a key factor in exploring new jobs. You want to make sure that you have the financial means to support yourself through your adventure.
Develop your resume and examine the skills that you have and how they might apply to a new career.
You may need to take additional classes to complete a certificate or degree to enter your new field of interest. This may take time, but the rewards will pay off as long as you see it as a great adventure to make you happy.
3-4. Consider moving to a new town, city, or country.
Sometimes a change in scenery is just what you need. With proper planning, you can make anything happen as long as you stay the course and make smart choices.
3-5. Make a bucket list.
A bucket list contains all the things you want to do before you pass away. Fill it with everything you've ever wanted to do. It may include visiting every baseball stadium in the U.S., swimming across a large body of water, skiing in the Swiss Alps, or meeting a sports figure. Every item on your list guarantees to be packed with adventures.
3-6. Redeem your prior disappointments.
It is never too late to do something over. Whether you were too shy to try out for a play, or you struck out in a baseball game on the final out of the game, you would likely benefit from a little bit of redemption.
Make a list of the things in your life that made you feel bad, or caused you to be fearful and added to your lack of adventure. Then, one by one recreate the situations and make things right. If you struck out in a game, join a recreation team and with diligent practice you will be hitting in clutch situations in no time. The key will be for you to acknowledge your efforts even if you aren't a star player.
3-7. Keep pushing yourself.
Once you have felt the benefits of being adventurous, you will notice that it takes energy to do it. The promise of the reward is motivating, and you must continue to push yourself toward new adventures. Being adventurous is invigorating and you can use it as a tool to enhance your life.
If you feel yourself settling into a down mood, push yourself to take on a new adventure. Let the rewards boost your mood.
Praise yourself for the work you do to be adventurous. Motivate yourself by saying, “You're adventurous because you are living life to the fullest. Congratulations.”
Tips
Ask your friends to remind you that you are trying to be more adventurous.
Put a twist on something you've been doing for a while. Cook an exotic meal. Wear something out of character. Ask yourself, “How can I do this differently?”
Fear and anxiety might be holding you back in life. Seek professional help if you are struggling.
Warnings
Know your limits. You are not invincible.
Are you out of touch with your feelings and need high levels of adrenaline to feel anything? Stunted emotions may be a sign of depression. Seek professional help.
Be mindful if you are engaging in life-threatening adventures. If you have suicidal thoughts seek professional help, and do not put others in harm's way.
What you define as adventurous might be perceived as annoying, overbearing or high-risk behavior. Don't take things too far.
Have the right gear. Be smart and bring necessary equipment with you for the adventure. It could be a matter of life or death. Always bring water on hikes, and a fully-charged mobile phone with GPS turned on.
There is a fine line between becoming the person people want to hang out with because you are cool, and the person people don't want to hang out with because you always cause a scene.
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"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Finding Your Motivation\\n1-1. Let go of what is holding you back.\\nInhibitions are feelings that make you self-conscious and unable to act in a relaxed and natural way. Perhaps you are shy, inexperienced, or fearful. In order to let go of what is holding you back you must feel safe with yourself, your surroundings, and the people around you.\\nAsk yourself why you want to be adventurous. What do you think it will provide to you? Do you want to be open to all possibilities? If so, you are correct.\\nIf you're not sure exactly what you want, try imagining you're on a desert island and nobody else's opinion can affect you. What would you want then?\\nConquering physical challenges requires you to overcome mental challenges as well. For example, if you train for and climb a mountain it will challenge your physical abilities and show you how physically and mentally strong you are.\\nDo you think you have something to prove? Are you starved for attention? Why are you seeking a thrill? Do you think it will build your self-esteem? Do you just want to have more fun?\\nTake a few minutes to answer these questions as it will help you craft a plan for action.\\nKeep in mind that you should only change yourself for you. Don't let other people's expectations and standards affect how you live your life.\\n1-2. Address your fear.\\nIf you haven't been adventurous to this point in your life, then fear has likely been holding you back. Identifying your fears might be simple, or it might take a bit more introspection (the process of directly attempting to access your own internal processes). Your feelings, thoughts, wishes, and fantasies cannot be seen, but they are very real.\\nYour fears might include public speaking, snakes, or high places. They may also include talking to strangers, being fired, or flunking a class. They may be rooted in a deeper fear of looking ignorant, being abandoned, or losing your sense of safety.\\nConquering fear leads to building trust in yourself, your thoughts and actions. You will learn that you can take care of yourself. For example, you may be too afraid to move out of your parent's house because you don't think you can do it. If you choose to be adventurous and move out and see that you can do it, you have conquered your fear.\\nUse visualization techniques. Imagine yourself doing activities that challenge you to be adventurous and you coming out of it alive and healthy. These scenarios can be surfing, racing horses, exploring your musical talents or something smaller like asking an athlete for an autograph. Adventures can be big and small.\\nYou may be avoiding adventure due to a fear of uncertainty. You must tip the scales from certain toward uncertain to remove mental obstacles preventing you from being adventurous. For example, if you avoid or procrastinate participating in events because you don't know what is going to happen, then set up small excursions that slowly build a tolerance.\\n1-3. Muster your adventurous feelings.\\nBeing adventurous entails feeling mentally free, open and willing to experience life. Opening your heart by being kind to yourself will help you build personal strengths.\\nIf you need to feel safe before you are comfortable doing something new, use meditation and yoga to calm you and relieve stress. Once you establish a sense of safety and calm you will be more open to adventure. For example, you will go on vacation by yourself to Portugal despite not knowing any Portuguese.\\nGive yourself a push toward feeling free. It can be helpful to say self-affirmations like, \\\"Everything is going to be okay; I'm ready to get started; This change is going to be good for me!\\\" Being vocal helps as well. Simply yelling at that moment works to expend the energy to move you forward.\\nTake safety precautions. Being adventurous does not mean that you do things that are unsafe. Physically demanding adventures must include a deliberate evaluation of the dangers involved. For example, if you want to learn to race a boat, you must research the safety requirements. Consulting with a professional is advised.\\n2. Creating a New Habit\\n2-1. Explore your interests.\\nThere are times in life when you get too busy to think about what interests you. If you want to be more adventurous, then you need to take the time to have some fun and explore. Perhaps you've always wanted to travel or spend a school semester in a foreign country. Maybe designing sets for stage plays has always intrigued you.\\nIf you want to be adventurous in your career, access questionnaires online that help identify your interests.\\nTalk to people who are doing the things that interest you. Ask them if they have any tips for getting involved.\\nYou might discover new interests that you didn't even know about. For example, there might be a martial arts studio that you drive by each day. One day you decide to be adventurous and make a visit. You observe a class and like what you see, and sign up for a class.\\n2-2. Pick a role model.\\nYou may know someone who does the things you want to do. She might be a person who seems fearless and accomplishes what she sets out to do. She spends her vacations building houses for the poor, whitewater rafting, and scuba diving in the ocean. You admire this person and you would like to learn from them about being adventurous.\\nChoose a mentor to help you. A mentor can be a friend, family member or someone you are acquainted with at work. Talk to the person and ask, “I am trying to be more adventurous in my life and it seems like you do that really well. Is there any advice you can give me? Would you mind if I checked in with you periodically to talk about this?”\\nYou can model your behavior after a professional you don't know. For example, if there is an oceanographer you admire who has a TV show you can watch the show and follow the person on social media. You can ask the person questions via social media channels.\\n2-3. Make a plan for adventure.\\nLay out your plans to take a trip, make a change or try something new. Determine how often you want to do these things. Commit to doing something new once a day, week, or month. If you schedule your events, making them a “to-do list,” you are more likely to carry them out.\\nIt could be fun to plan an adventure with friends. Discuss and agree to have each person take responsibility for a task that needs to be accomplished. For example, one person can check on airline ticket prices; another person identifies things to do when you are at your destination.\\nTravel around the world. With proper planning it is possible to travel the world in cost-effective ways. It may be cheaper to do than you think. Investigate costs before you allow it to deter you from being adventurous.\\n2-4. Take action.\\nYou can't be adventurous if you sit around doing nothing. Even the quest to become more adventurous, is in fact an adventure. Like any other change in life, you must take action for it to happen. Start with small steps and build to larger ones. Recognize that each step is movement toward your goal.\\nSet your limits and boundaries. Being adventurous will involve doing things that are outside your comfort zone. You may be comfortable hiking in nature, but you have no interest in skydiving. Be reasonable with yourself and know your limits. Don't be afraid to tell others that you have limits as well.\\nOne way to take action is to vary your routine. Avoid getting stuck in a rut doing the same things the same way over and over. Even something as simple as shopping for groceries in a new market will give you a new perspective. Being adventurous can open you to new possibilities. For example, you go to the new market and meet someone who turns out to offer you a job, take you on a date, or he knows someone you grew up with that you haven't seen in years. This would not have happened without you taking adventurous action.\\n3. Exploring Your World\\n3-1. Find others who share your interests.\\nHumans are drawn to people who share a common interest and have fun together. Enthusiasm for life is contagious. If you find a group of people who share your interest in adventure, you will almost never feel alone.\\nLocate groups online and screen them for compatibility. For example, if you like computer animation, perhaps you could find a local animation film festival and volunteer to work there. You will meet people who not only share an interest in animation, but you get to learn about the film festival process.\\nObserve bulletin boards at school or in public places. There are groups that meet and are always looking for new members. Take a chance. It might change your life.\\nAttend an event and ask questions. For example, you attend a motorcycle show and ask one of the curators, “This show is fantastic. How does someone get involved in putting something like this on?” Most people will have a short conversation with you that might lead you to something exciting.\\n3-2. Exercise your curiosity.\\nA curious mind asks questions. You can maintain your enthusiasm for adventure by constantly asking questions. How do things work? What does it take to do that? Why do we have to always do it that way? When can we make a change for the better? Curiosity is at the root of being adventurous.\\nCreate situations for yourself that will force you out of your comfort zone. Awkwardness is the first step toward learning something new.\\nRead books about things you know nothing about, then make a point to talk to others about it.\\nTalk to people doing jobs that you have never done.\\nObserve people at play, doing their job, or relaxing with friends and family. Notice the things they do that are similar and different than the way you do them.\\n3-3. Change careers.\\nIf you are feeling stifled by your job, then take steps to find a new job that interests you. Financial support is a key factor in exploring new jobs. You want to make sure that you have the financial means to support yourself through your adventure.\\nDevelop your resume and examine the skills that you have and how they might apply to a new career.\\nYou may need to take additional classes to complete a certificate or degree to enter your new field of interest. This may take time, but the rewards will pay off as long as you see it as a great adventure to make you happy.\\n3-4. Consider moving to a new town, city, or country.\\nSometimes a change in scenery is just what you need. With proper planning, you can make anything happen as long as you stay the course and make smart choices.\\n3-5. Make a bucket list.\\nA bucket list contains all the things you want to do before you pass away. Fill it with everything you've ever wanted to do. It may include visiting every baseball stadium in the U.S., swimming across a large body of water, skiing in the Swiss Alps, or meeting a sports figure. Every item on your list guarantees to be packed with adventures.\\n3-6. Redeem your prior disappointments.\\nIt is never too late to do something over. Whether you were too shy to try out for a play, or you struck out in a baseball game on the final out of the game, you would likely benefit from a little bit of redemption.\\nMake a list of the things in your life that made you feel bad, or caused you to be fearful and added to your lack of adventure. Then, one by one recreate the situations and make things right. If you struck out in a game, join a recreation team and with diligent practice you will be hitting in clutch situations in no time. The key will be for you to acknowledge your efforts even if you aren't a star player.\\n3-7. Keep pushing yourself.\\nOnce you have felt the benefits of being adventurous, you will notice that it takes energy to do it. The promise of the reward is motivating, and you must continue to push yourself toward new adventures. Being adventurous is invigorating and you can use it as a tool to enhance your life.\\nIf you feel yourself settling into a down mood, push yourself to take on a new adventure. Let the rewards boost your mood.\\nPraise yourself for the work you do to be adventurous. Motivate yourself by saying, “You're adventurous because you are living life to the fullest. Congratulations.”\\nTips\\nAsk your friends to remind you that you are trying to be more adventurous.\\nPut a twist on something you've been doing for a while. Cook an exotic meal. Wear something out of character. Ask yourself, “How can I do this differently?”\\nFear and anxiety might be holding you back in life. Seek professional help if you are struggling.\\nWarnings\\nKnow your limits. You are not invincible.\\nAre you out of touch with your feelings and need high levels of adrenaline to feel anything? Stunted emotions may be a sign of depression. Seek professional help.\\nBe mindful if you are engaging in life-threatening adventures. If you have suicidal thoughts seek professional help, and do not put others in harm's way.\\nWhat you define as adventurous might be perceived as annoying, overbearing or high-risk behavior. Don't take things too far.\\nHave the right gear. Be smart and bring necessary equipment with you for the adventure. It could be a matter of life or death. Always bring water on hikes, and a fully-charged mobile phone with GPS turned on.\\nThere is a fine line between becoming the person people want to hang out with because you are cool, and the person people don't want to hang out with because you always cause a scene.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"The formula for adventure is really quite simple: Novelty + courage = adventure. A person with an adventurous spirit might jump out of airplanes, be the first person to volunteer to rescue someone, or even ask someone on a date. You may not be that type of risk-taker. If you get motivated and create a new habit for adventure, then you will be exploring a new world in no time.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Finding Your Motivation\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Let go of what is holding you back.\", \"描述\": \"Inhibitions are feelings that make you self-conscious and unable to act in a relaxed and natural way. Perhaps you are shy, inexperienced, or fearful. In order to let go of what is holding you back you must feel safe with yourself, your surroundings, and the people around you.\\nAsk yourself why you want to be adventurous. What do you think it will provide to you? Do you want to be open to all possibilities? If so, you are correct.\\nIf you're not sure exactly what you want, try imagining you're on a desert island and nobody else's opinion can affect you. What would you want then?\\nConquering physical challenges requires you to overcome mental challenges as well. For example, if you train for and climb a mountain it will challenge your physical abilities and show you how physically and mentally strong you are.\\nDo you think you have something to prove? Are you starved for attention? Why are you seeking a thrill? Do you think it will build your self-esteem? Do you just want to have more fun?\\nTake a few minutes to answer these questions as it will help you craft a plan for action.\\nKeep in mind that you should only change yourself for you. Don't let other people's expectations and standards affect how you live your life.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Address your fear.\", \"描述\": \"If you haven't been adventurous to this point in your life, then fear has likely been holding you back. Identifying your fears might be simple, or it might take a bit more introspection (the process of directly attempting to access your own internal processes). Your feelings, thoughts, wishes, and fantasies cannot be seen, but they are very real.\\nYour fears might include public speaking, snakes, or high places. They may also include talking to strangers, being fired, or flunking a class. They may be rooted in a deeper fear of looking ignorant, being abandoned, or losing your sense of safety.\\nConquering fear leads to building trust in yourself, your thoughts and actions. You will learn that you can take care of yourself. For example, you may be too afraid to move out of your parent's house because you don't think you can do it. If you choose to be adventurous and move out and see that you can do it, you have conquered your fear.\\nUse visualization techniques. Imagine yourself doing activities that challenge you to be adventurous and you coming out of it alive and healthy. These scenarios can be surfing, racing horses, exploring your musical talents or something smaller like asking an athlete for an autograph. Adventures can be big and small.\\nYou may be avoiding adventure due to a fear of uncertainty. You must tip the scales from certain toward uncertain to remove mental obstacles preventing you from being adventurous. For example, if you avoid or procrastinate participating in events because you don't know what is going to happen, then set up small excursions that slowly build a tolerance.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Muster your adventurous feelings.\", \"描述\": \"Being adventurous entails feeling mentally free, open and willing to experience life. Opening your heart by being kind to yourself will help you build personal strengths.\\nIf you need to feel safe before you are comfortable doing something new, use meditation and yoga to calm you and relieve stress. Once you establish a sense of safety and calm you will be more open to adventure. For example, you will go on vacation by yourself to Portugal despite not knowing any Portuguese.\\nGive yourself a push toward feeling free. It can be helpful to say self-affirmations like, \\\"Everything is going to be okay; I'm ready to get started; This change is going to be good for me!\\\" Being vocal helps as well. Simply yelling at that moment works to expend the energy to move you forward.\\nTake safety precautions. Being adventurous does not mean that you do things that are unsafe. Physically demanding adventures must include a deliberate evaluation of the dangers involved. For example, if you want to learn to race a boat, you must research the safety requirements. Consulting with a professional is advised.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Creating a New Habit\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Explore your interests.\", \"描述\": \"There are times in life when you get too busy to think about what interests you. If you want to be more adventurous, then you need to take the time to have some fun and explore. Perhaps you've always wanted to travel or spend a school semester in a foreign country. Maybe designing sets for stage plays has always intrigued you.\\nIf you want to be adventurous in your career, access questionnaires online that help identify your interests.\\nTalk to people who are doing the things that interest you. Ask them if they have any tips for getting involved.\\nYou might discover new interests that you didn't even know about. For example, there might be a martial arts studio that you drive by each day. One day you decide to be adventurous and make a visit. You observe a class and like what you see, and sign up for a class.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Pick a role model.\", \"描述\": \"You may know someone who does the things you want to do. She might be a person who seems fearless and accomplishes what she sets out to do. She spends her vacations building houses for the poor, whitewater rafting, and scuba diving in the ocean. You admire this person and you would like to learn from them about being adventurous.\\nChoose a mentor to help you. A mentor can be a friend, family member or someone you are acquainted with at work. Talk to the person and ask, “I am trying to be more adventurous in my life and it seems like you do that really well. Is there any advice you can give me? Would you mind if I checked in with you periodically to talk about this?”\\nYou can model your behavior after a professional you don't know. For example, if there is an oceanographer you admire who has a TV show you can watch the show and follow the person on social media. You can ask the person questions via social media channels.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Make a plan for adventure.\", \"描述\": \"Lay out your plans to take a trip, make a change or try something new. Determine how often you want to do these things. Commit to doing something new once a day, week, or month. If you schedule your events, making them a “to-do list,” you are more likely to carry them out.\\nIt could be fun to plan an adventure with friends. Discuss and agree to have each person take responsibility for a task that needs to be accomplished. For example, one person can check on airline ticket prices; another person identifies things to do when you are at your destination.\\nTravel around the world. With proper planning it is possible to travel the world in cost-effective ways. It may be cheaper to do than you think. Investigate costs before you allow it to deter you from being adventurous.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Take action.\", \"描述\": \"You can't be adventurous if you sit around doing nothing. Even the quest to become more adventurous, is in fact an adventure. Like any other change in life, you must take action for it to happen. Start with small steps and build to larger ones. Recognize that each step is movement toward your goal.\\nSet your limits and boundaries. Being adventurous will involve doing things that are outside your comfort zone. You may be comfortable hiking in nature, but you have no interest in skydiving. Be reasonable with yourself and know your limits. Don't be afraid to tell others that you have limits as well.\\nOne way to take action is to vary your routine. Avoid getting stuck in a rut doing the same things the same way over and over. Even something as simple as shopping for groceries in a new market will give you a new perspective. Being adventurous can open you to new possibilities. For example, you go to the new market and meet someone who turns out to offer you a job, take you on a date, or he knows someone you grew up with that you haven't seen in years. This would not have happened without you taking adventurous action.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Exploring Your World\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Find others who share your interests.\", \"描述\": \"Humans are drawn to people who share a common interest and have fun together. Enthusiasm for life is contagious. If you find a group of people who share your interest in adventure, you will almost never feel alone.\\nLocate groups online and screen them for compatibility. For example, if you like computer animation, perhaps you could find a local animation film festival and volunteer to work there. You will meet people who not only share an interest in animation, but you get to learn about the film festival process.\\nObserve bulletin boards at school or in public places. There are groups that meet and are always looking for new members. Take a chance. It might change your life.\\nAttend an event and ask questions. For example, you attend a motorcycle show and ask one of the curators, “This show is fantastic. How does someone get involved in putting something like this on?” Most people will have a short conversation with you that might lead you to something exciting.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Exercise your curiosity.\", \"描述\": \"A curious mind asks questions. You can maintain your enthusiasm for adventure by constantly asking questions. How do things work? What does it take to do that? Why do we have to always do it that way? When can we make a change for the better? Curiosity is at the root of being adventurous.\\nCreate situations for yourself that will force you out of your comfort zone. Awkwardness is the first step toward learning something new.\\nRead books about things you know nothing about, then make a point to talk to others about it.\\nTalk to people doing jobs that you have never done.\\nObserve people at play, doing their job, or relaxing with friends and family. Notice the things they do that are similar and different than the way you do them.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Change careers.\", \"描述\": \"If you are feeling stifled by your job, then take steps to find a new job that interests you. Financial support is a key factor in exploring new jobs. You want to make sure that you have the financial means to support yourself through your adventure.\\nDevelop your resume and examine the skills that you have and how they might apply to a new career.\\nYou may need to take additional classes to complete a certificate or degree to enter your new field of interest. This may take time, but the rewards will pay off as long as you see it as a great adventure to make you happy.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Consider moving to a new town, city, or country.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes a change in scenery is just what you need. With proper planning, you can make anything happen as long as you stay the course and make smart choices.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Make a bucket list.\", \"描述\": \"A bucket list contains all the things you want to do before you pass away. Fill it with everything you've ever wanted to do. It may include visiting every baseball stadium in the U.S., swimming across a large body of water, skiing in the Swiss Alps, or meeting a sports figure. Every item on your list guarantees to be packed with adventures.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Redeem your prior disappointments.\", \"描述\": \"It is never too late to do something over. Whether you were too shy to try out for a play, or you struck out in a baseball game on the final out of the game, you would likely benefit from a little bit of redemption.\\nMake a list of the things in your life that made you feel bad, or caused you to be fearful and added to your lack of adventure. Then, one by one recreate the situations and make things right. If you struck out in a game, join a recreation team and with diligent practice you will be hitting in clutch situations in no time. The key will be for you to acknowledge your efforts even if you aren't a star player.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Keep pushing yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Once you have felt the benefits of being adventurous, you will notice that it takes energy to do it. The promise of the reward is motivating, and you must continue to push yourself toward new adventures. Being adventurous is invigorating and you can use it as a tool to enhance your life.\\nIf you feel yourself settling into a down mood, push yourself to take on a new adventure. Let the rewards boost your mood.\\nPraise yourself for the work you do to be adventurous. Motivate yourself by saying, “You're adventurous because you are living life to the fullest. Congratulations.”\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Ask your friends to remind you that you are trying to be more adventurous.\\n\", \"Put a twist on something you've been doing for a while. Cook an exotic meal. Wear something out of character. Ask yourself, “How can I do this differently?”\\n\", \"Fear and anxiety might be holding you back in life. Seek professional help if you are struggling.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Know your limits. You are not invincible.\\n\", \"Are you out of touch with your feelings and need high levels of adrenaline to feel anything? Stunted emotions may be a sign of depression. Seek professional help.\\n\", \"Be mindful if you are engaging in life-threatening adventures. If you have suicidal thoughts seek professional help, and do not put others in harm's way.\\n\", \"What you define as adventurous might be perceived as annoying, overbearing or high-risk behavior. Don't take things too far.\\n\", \"Have the right gear. Be smart and bring necessary equipment with you for the adventure. It could be a matter of life or death. Always bring water on hikes, and a fully-charged mobile phone with GPS turned on.\\n\", \"There is a fine line between becoming the person people want to hang out with because you are cool, and the person people don't want to hang out with because you always cause a scene.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,532 | How to Be Alone | 1. Look for the positives in being alone.
How you view being alone can greatly affect your mood.
Some people thrive best when they’re alone a lot, while others may feel lonely. To make sure you’re in that first camp, look for ways that spending time alone is great for your life. Here are some things to consider:
There are fewer demands on your time.
You don’t have to compromise with anyone.
You can do what you want, when you want.
You can truly get to know yourself.
You can eat whatever you want and make your own household rules.
You can engage in your hobbies every day.
2. Get to know yourself.
This is the perfect time to learn who you are as a person.
What is it you really want out of life? How do you really want to spend your time? Become a friend to yourself so you can help you find your best life possible.
Keep a journal to record your thoughts and experiences. In addition to writing in it, read over it often to get to know yourself better.
List out your interests, desires, dislikes, and dreams.
Pretend like you’re getting to know someone else. What would you want to learn about yourself if you’d just met you?
3. Embrace self love.
You're great, so treat yourself that way!
Loving yourself is often easier said than done, but you can do it! Be your own friend, and value what you bring to this world. Here are some ways to love yourself more:
Celebrate what’s unique about you, such as your interests or accomplishments.
Focus on what you love about your body, as well as what your body lets you do, like dancing. For example, maybe your freckles are cute, or your textured hair gives you a lovely profile.
Practice positive self talk by saying nice things to yourself. When you catch yourself saying something mean, turn it around.
4. Take up a new hobby.
Now's the chance to do something you've always wanted to try.
Most people say, “Someday I want to try…” at some point in their lives. What is your thing you want to try? Use your time alone to make that happen!
Learn a programming language and start to code.
Take up painting.
Learn to whittle.
Build a website.
Teach yourself a new language.
Start an herb garden.
Take a class
Paint, write, or build something
5. Go on a solo adventure.
Take a trip or try something really daring.
A solo adventure can be a thrilling escape from real life, and it can help you learn more about yourself. Although you might think of adventures as something you do with others, going at it alone can help you get more out of the experience.
Travel to a destination you’ve always wanted to visit!
Go skydiving.
Try bungee jumping.
Make a list of spiritual destinations, then start checking them off.
Train for a 5K, 10K, half marathon, marathon, or triathlon.
6. Connect with people online.
You don’t need to meet people in person to make a connection!
Join a website or forum related to an interest of yours so you can connect with other like-minded people. You can chat or exchange messages, depending on your preferences.
For example, you might find friends in the gaming community.
You could also be active on a social site or on social media.
7. Get a pet.
Pets make excellent companions, especially if you live alone.
Consider sharing your life with a furry, feathery, or scaly companion. You can still enjoy your independence, but you’ll also have a friend around.
Make sure you’re ready and able to care for your pet!
8. Volunteer to help others.
Giving to others can give you perspective on your own situation.
Focusing on the needs and experiences of others can help you get out of your own head. Plus, you’ll be able to engage with other volunteers or the people you’re helping, which provides you social interaction without any expectations.
Consider volunteering to help with something that fits your interests. For example, you might volunteer at an art museum.
Look for opportunities that fit your needs. You don’t have to be around a lot of people to volunteer.
9. Take yourself on dates.
Say yes to activities that typically involve a partner.
You can still do everything you enjoy, even if you don’t have a partner. Who cares if you’re sitting alone at the coffee house or eating dinner by yourself? Make plans with yourself!
Go out to eat by yourself.
Take yourself to the movies.
Enjoy that concert you’ve been longing to see.
Visit the museum or an art gallery opening.
Take a dance class. You can always dance with the instructor, or you might meet a new friend!
10. Remind yourself of the good things you have in your life.
List out everything that’s going well in your life.
When you’re feeling down, it’s easy to overlook the good things. Focus on things you’ve achieved because of your aloneness, such as your education, career advancement, or proficiency in a hobby. Here are examples of good things you might have in your life:
Friends
Family
Experiences
Hobbies
Accomplishments
Career
Education
Goals
Health
Pet
11. Exercise 30 minutes a day.
Exercise is a great mood booster.
Challenge yourself to get at least a half hour each day for the best results. Here are great ways to exercise:
Go for a walk or hike.
Play an active game.
Dance to your favorite music.
Do a workout video.
Lift weights.
12. Go outside.
Enjoy some fresh air and get a chance to meet people.
Being in nature is a big mood booster, but that’s not the only reason to go outside. When you’re alone, you can find yourself spending more time at home by yourself. Going outside breaks this cycle!
Take your walk outside.
Bring a book outside and read.
Eat your meal outside.
13. Purge anything that makes you feel lonely.
Do a physical and digital detox.
This might include mementos from an ex, social media accounts targeted at lonely people, or even your favorite memes. There’s a big difference between being alone and feeling lonely!
If you feel alone after a breakup, get rid of their photos, gifts, and items they left at your house. You should also unfollow them on all social media.
If you’ve gone online to connect with others who are alone, consider if this is harming or helping you. Do they make you feel better, or does this communication make you get down on yourself?
14. Reach out to friends and family.
Reconnect even if you’ve lost contact.
You can do this in person, via the phone, or online. Choose a method you’re comfortable with. You might not want people around you all of the time, but it’s nice to be able to connect sometimes.
You might exchange memes with an old friend, or schedule weekly phone calls with a family member.
15. Connect with a counselor or mentor if you struggle with being alone.
Talking it out can help you sort through your feelings.
If you find yourself feeling lonely often, you might want to talk about it with a therapist or another trusted individual, such as a religious figure. Although there’s nothing wrong with being alone, it’s also normal for you to want to connect with others. It’s a good idea to go to therapy if you’re alone because of the following:
You struggle with social anxiety.
You’ve experienced a trauma in the past.
You’re suffering from depression.
You're rebuilding your life after a breakup or similar issue.
Tips
People react differently to being alone. While introverts need to be alone sometimes to recharge, extroverts often need to be around others. Know which category you fit into and plan accordingly. If you're an extrovert, for example, you might hang out at a local coffee shop each evening to be around others.
Being alone allows you to focus on your wants and needs, so enjoy this opportunity to do what you like to do!
Warnings
Don’t force friendships or relationships just to have people in your life. There’s nothing wrong with being alone, so only include people in your life if they’re good for you.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:17",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Look for the positives in being alone.\\nHow you view being alone can greatly affect your mood.\\nSome people thrive best when they’re alone a lot, while others may feel lonely. To make sure you’re in that first camp, look for ways that spending time alone is great for your life. Here are some things to consider:\\nThere are fewer demands on your time.\\nYou don’t have to compromise with anyone.\\nYou can do what you want, when you want.\\nYou can truly get to know yourself.\\nYou can eat whatever you want and make your own household rules.\\nYou can engage in your hobbies every day.\\n2. Get to know yourself.\\nThis is the perfect time to learn who you are as a person.\\nWhat is it you really want out of life? How do you really want to spend your time? Become a friend to yourself so you can help you find your best life possible.\\nKeep a journal to record your thoughts and experiences. In addition to writing in it, read over it often to get to know yourself better.\\nList out your interests, desires, dislikes, and dreams.\\nPretend like you’re getting to know someone else. What would you want to learn about yourself if you’d just met you?\\n3. Embrace self love.\\nYou're great, so treat yourself that way!\\nLoving yourself is often easier said than done, but you can do it! Be your own friend, and value what you bring to this world. Here are some ways to love yourself more:\\nCelebrate what’s unique about you, such as your interests or accomplishments.\\nFocus on what you love about your body, as well as what your body lets you do, like dancing. For example, maybe your freckles are cute, or your textured hair gives you a lovely profile.\\nPractice positive self talk by saying nice things to yourself. When you catch yourself saying something mean, turn it around.\\n4. Take up a new hobby.\\nNow's the chance to do something you've always wanted to try.\\nMost people say, “Someday I want to try…” at some point in their lives. What is your thing you want to try? Use your time alone to make that happen!\\nLearn a programming language and start to code.\\nTake up painting.\\nLearn to whittle.\\nBuild a website.\\nTeach yourself a new language.\\nStart an herb garden.\\nTake a class\\nPaint, write, or build something\\n5. Go on a solo adventure.\\nTake a trip or try something really daring.\\nA solo adventure can be a thrilling escape from real life, and it can help you learn more about yourself. Although you might think of adventures as something you do with others, going at it alone can help you get more out of the experience.\\nTravel to a destination you’ve always wanted to visit!\\nGo skydiving.\\nTry bungee jumping.\\nMake a list of spiritual destinations, then start checking them off.\\nTrain for a 5K, 10K, half marathon, marathon, or triathlon.\\n6. Connect with people online.\\nYou don’t need to meet people in person to make a connection!\\nJoin a website or forum related to an interest of yours so you can connect with other like-minded people. You can chat or exchange messages, depending on your preferences.\\nFor example, you might find friends in the gaming community.\\nYou could also be active on a social site or on social media.\\n7. Get a pet.\\nPets make excellent companions, especially if you live alone.\\nConsider sharing your life with a furry, feathery, or scaly companion. You can still enjoy your independence, but you’ll also have a friend around.\\nMake sure you’re ready and able to care for your pet!\\n8. Volunteer to help others.\\nGiving to others can give you perspective on your own situation.\\nFocusing on the needs and experiences of others can help you get out of your own head. Plus, you’ll be able to engage with other volunteers or the people you’re helping, which provides you social interaction without any expectations.\\nConsider volunteering to help with something that fits your interests. For example, you might volunteer at an art museum.\\nLook for opportunities that fit your needs. You don’t have to be around a lot of people to volunteer.\\n9. Take yourself on dates.\\nSay yes to activities that typically involve a partner.\\nYou can still do everything you enjoy, even if you don’t have a partner. Who cares if you’re sitting alone at the coffee house or eating dinner by yourself? Make plans with yourself!\\nGo out to eat by yourself.\\nTake yourself to the movies.\\nEnjoy that concert you’ve been longing to see.\\nVisit the museum or an art gallery opening.\\nTake a dance class. You can always dance with the instructor, or you might meet a new friend!\\n10. Remind yourself of the good things you have in your life.\\nList out everything that’s going well in your life.\\nWhen you’re feeling down, it’s easy to overlook the good things. Focus on things you’ve achieved because of your aloneness, such as your education, career advancement, or proficiency in a hobby. Here are examples of good things you might have in your life:\\nFriends\\nFamily\\nExperiences\\nHobbies\\nAccomplishments\\nCareer\\nEducation\\nGoals\\nHealth\\nPet\\n11. Exercise 30 minutes a day.\\nExercise is a great mood booster.\\nChallenge yourself to get at least a half hour each day for the best results. Here are great ways to exercise:\\nGo for a walk or hike.\\nPlay an active game.\\nDance to your favorite music.\\nDo a workout video.\\nLift weights.\\n12. Go outside.\\nEnjoy some fresh air and get a chance to meet people.\\nBeing in nature is a big mood booster, but that’s not the only reason to go outside. When you’re alone, you can find yourself spending more time at home by yourself. Going outside breaks this cycle!\\nTake your walk outside.\\nBring a book outside and read.\\nEat your meal outside.\\n13. Purge anything that makes you feel lonely.\\nDo a physical and digital detox.\\nThis might include mementos from an ex, social media accounts targeted at lonely people, or even your favorite memes. There’s a big difference between being alone and feeling lonely!\\nIf you feel alone after a breakup, get rid of their photos, gifts, and items they left at your house. You should also unfollow them on all social media.\\nIf you’ve gone online to connect with others who are alone, consider if this is harming or helping you. Do they make you feel better, or does this communication make you get down on yourself?\\n14. Reach out to friends and family.\\nReconnect even if you’ve lost contact.\\nYou can do this in person, via the phone, or online. Choose a method you’re comfortable with. You might not want people around you all of the time, but it’s nice to be able to connect sometimes.\\nYou might exchange memes with an old friend, or schedule weekly phone calls with a family member.\\n15. Connect with a counselor or mentor if you struggle with being alone.\\nTalking it out can help you sort through your feelings.\\nIf you find yourself feeling lonely often, you might want to talk about it with a therapist or another trusted individual, such as a religious figure. Although there’s nothing wrong with being alone, it’s also normal for you to want to connect with others. It’s a good idea to go to therapy if you’re alone because of the following:\\nYou struggle with social anxiety.\\nYou’ve experienced a trauma in the past.\\nYou’re suffering from depression.\\nYou're rebuilding your life after a breakup or similar issue.\\nTips\\nPeople react differently to being alone. While introverts need to be alone sometimes to recharge, extroverts often need to be around others. Know which category you fit into and plan accordingly. If you're an extrovert, for example, you might hang out at a local coffee shop each evening to be around others.\\nBeing alone allows you to focus on your wants and needs, so enjoy this opportunity to do what you like to do!\\nWarnings\\nDon’t force friendships or relationships just to have people in your life. There’s nothing wrong with being alone, so only include people in your life if they’re good for you.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being alone can feel difficult at times, even if you're choosing to be alone. But on the bright side, being alone allows you to truly focus on what you want out of life! You can enjoy being alone by learning to be independent and having fun by yourself. If you find yourself feeling blue, you can learn to cope with your loneliness. When you're ready to be around other people, make connections with others on your own terms.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Look for the positives in being alone.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"How you view being alone can greatly affect your mood.\", \"描述\": \"Some people thrive best when they’re alone a lot, while others may feel lonely. To make sure you’re in that first camp, look for ways that spending time alone is great for your life. Here are some things to consider:\\nThere are fewer demands on your time.\\nYou don’t have to compromise with anyone.\\nYou can do what you want, when you want.\\nYou can truly get to know yourself.\\nYou can eat whatever you want and make your own household rules.\\nYou can engage in your hobbies every day.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Get to know yourself.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"This is the perfect time to learn who you are as a person.\", \"描述\": \"What is it you really want out of life? How do you really want to spend your time? Become a friend to yourself so you can help you find your best life possible.\\nKeep a journal to record your thoughts and experiences. In addition to writing in it, read over it often to get to know yourself better.\\nList out your interests, desires, dislikes, and dreams.\\nPretend like you’re getting to know someone else. What would you want to learn about yourself if you’d just met you?\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Embrace self love.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"You're great, so treat yourself that way!\", \"描述\": \"Loving yourself is often easier said than done, but you can do it! Be your own friend, and value what you bring to this world. Here are some ways to love yourself more:\\nCelebrate what’s unique about you, such as your interests or accomplishments.\\nFocus on what you love about your body, as well as what your body lets you do, like dancing. For example, maybe your freckles are cute, or your textured hair gives you a lovely profile.\\nPractice positive self talk by saying nice things to yourself. When you catch yourself saying something mean, turn it around.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Take up a new hobby.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Now's the chance to do something you've always wanted to try.\", \"描述\": \"Most people say, “Someday I want to try…” at some point in their lives. What is your thing you want to try? Use your time alone to make that happen!\\nLearn a programming language and start to code.\\nTake up painting.\\nLearn to whittle.\\nBuild a website.\\nTeach yourself a new language.\\nStart an herb garden.\\nTake a class\\nPaint, write, or build something\"}]}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Go on a solo adventure.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Take a trip or try something really daring.\", \"描述\": \"A solo adventure can be a thrilling escape from real life, and it can help you learn more about yourself. Although you might think of adventures as something you do with others, going at it alone can help you get more out of the experience.\\nTravel to a destination you’ve always wanted to visit!\\nGo skydiving.\\nTry bungee jumping.\\nMake a list of spiritual destinations, then start checking them off.\\nTrain for a 5K, 10K, half marathon, marathon, or triathlon.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Connect with people online.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"You don’t need to meet people in person to make a connection!\", \"描述\": \"Join a website or forum related to an interest of yours so you can connect with other like-minded people. You can chat or exchange messages, depending on your preferences.\\nFor example, you might find friends in the gaming community.\\nYou could also be active on a social site or on social media.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Get a pet.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Pets make excellent companions, especially if you live alone.\", \"描述\": \"Consider sharing your life with a furry, feathery, or scaly companion. You can still enjoy your independence, but you’ll also have a friend around.\\nMake sure you’re ready and able to care for your pet!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Volunteer to help others.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Giving to others can give you perspective on your own situation.\", \"描述\": \"Focusing on the needs and experiences of others can help you get out of your own head. Plus, you’ll be able to engage with other volunteers or the people you’re helping, which provides you social interaction without any expectations.\\nConsider volunteering to help with something that fits your interests. For example, you might volunteer at an art museum.\\nLook for opportunities that fit your needs. You don’t have to be around a lot of people to volunteer.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Take yourself on dates.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Say yes to activities that typically involve a partner.\", \"描述\": \"You can still do everything you enjoy, even if you don’t have a partner. Who cares if you’re sitting alone at the coffee house or eating dinner by yourself? Make plans with yourself!\\nGo out to eat by yourself.\\nTake yourself to the movies.\\nEnjoy that concert you’ve been longing to see.\\nVisit the museum or an art gallery opening.\\nTake a dance class. You can always dance with the instructor, or you might meet a new friend!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Remind yourself of the good things you have in your life.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"List out everything that’s going well in your life.\", \"描述\": \"When you’re feeling down, it’s easy to overlook the good things. Focus on things you’ve achieved because of your aloneness, such as your education, career advancement, or proficiency in a hobby. Here are examples of good things you might have in your life:\\nFriends\\nFamily\\nExperiences\\nHobbies\\nAccomplishments\\nCareer\\nEducation\\nGoals\\nHealth\\nPet\"}]}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Exercise 30 minutes a day.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Exercise is a great mood booster.\", \"描述\": \"Challenge yourself to get at least a half hour each day for the best results. Here are great ways to exercise:\\nGo for a walk or hike.\\nPlay an active game.\\nDance to your favorite music.\\nDo a workout video.\\nLift weights.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 12, \"标题\": \"Go outside.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Enjoy some fresh air and get a chance to meet people.\", \"描述\": \"Being in nature is a big mood booster, but that’s not the only reason to go outside. When you’re alone, you can find yourself spending more time at home by yourself. Going outside breaks this cycle!\\nTake your walk outside.\\nBring a book outside and read.\\nEat your meal outside.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 13, \"标题\": \"Purge anything that makes you feel lonely.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Do a physical and digital detox.\", \"描述\": \"This might include mementos from an ex, social media accounts targeted at lonely people, or even your favorite memes. There’s a big difference between being alone and feeling lonely!\\nIf you feel alone after a breakup, get rid of their photos, gifts, and items they left at your house. You should also unfollow them on all social media.\\nIf you’ve gone online to connect with others who are alone, consider if this is harming or helping you. Do they make you feel better, or does this communication make you get down on yourself?\"}]}, {\"编号\": 14, \"标题\": \"Reach out to friends and family.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Reconnect even if you’ve lost contact.\", \"描述\": \"You can do this in person, via the phone, or online. Choose a method you’re comfortable with. You might not want people around you all of the time, but it’s nice to be able to connect sometimes.\\nYou might exchange memes with an old friend, or schedule weekly phone calls with a family member.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 15, \"标题\": \"Connect with a counselor or mentor if you struggle with being alone.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Talking it out can help you sort through your feelings.\", \"描述\": \"If you find yourself feeling lonely often, you might want to talk about it with a therapist or another trusted individual, such as a religious figure. Although there’s nothing wrong with being alone, it’s also normal for you to want to connect with others. It’s a good idea to go to therapy if you’re alone because of the following:\\nYou struggle with social anxiety.\\nYou’ve experienced a trauma in the past.\\nYou’re suffering from depression.\\nYou're rebuilding your life after a breakup or similar issue.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"People react differently to being alone. While introverts need to be alone sometimes to recharge, extroverts often need to be around others. Know which category you fit into and plan accordingly. If you're an extrovert, for example, you might hang out at a local coffee shop each evening to be around others.\\n\", \"Being alone allows you to focus on your wants and needs, so enjoy this opportunity to do what you like to do!\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Don’t force friendships or relationships just to have people in your life. There’s nothing wrong with being alone, so only include people in your life if they’re good for you.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,533 | How to Be Alone After a Breakup | 1. Journal about your feelings.
Writing out your thoughts can give you some relief.
Vent about whatever emotions you have. Maybe you feel anxious, angry, or heartbroken. If you take the first step to scribble down your story about the breakup, you’ll understand yourself better.
If you journal every day, your perspective about the breakup will become more and more clear.
Over time, you’ll actually be able to come up with some solutions to your problems. For example, you can write, “I never felt like they listened to me. I need to find more people who value my opinions.”
Research shows that journaling can help you manage the most difficult emotions that follow a breakup, like grief.
2. Make a breakup playlist.
Choose meaningful songs to express yourself and process emotions.
Think about what music would feel the best to you right now. Do you need a good cry, or do you want to get in touch with your inner fighter? You can go for emotional melodies, or you can throw in a bunch of power ballads. Your playlist will be a great outlet for you to let it all out.
Shuffle songs if you have mixed feelings. The random song choice can help you get in touch with every way you feel about the breakup.
Make separate playlists, too. For example, you can make one that says “Cry It Out” and another that’s titled “Single Vibes.”
Add some throwback hits, too. Research suggests that you’ll feel best when you listen to songs that were popular when you were younger.
3. Call someone and check in.
Reach out to people if you're feeling lonely.
Talk to anyone who you trust, like your friends and family. Be vulnerable and share what’s on your mind, then share if you have any specific needs. For example, maybe you’d really like a hug soon. Your loved ones will be happy to comfort you.
If you only have a little energy, you can talk for just 10 minutes. Your mood will still improve a lot.
Ask the person you’re calling if it’s a good time to chat. If you need to, you can reschedule with them and check in with someone else.
Try to join a support group and talk to others who just went through a breakup. You can attend these meetups online and in person.
If possible, limit conversations about your ex. Leave that for productive conversations with a psychologist, counselor or coach.
4. Make plans with friends and accept invites.
Get your mind off things by going out and socializing.
Think about your energy level and then arrange some hang-outs that feel good to you. For example, maybe you’d like to grab coffee with your best friends and chill out. Also make sure to RSVP on social media or via text to anything that sounds fun at the time. You’ll give yourself a lot of fun distractions.
Schedule time with people you can be yourself around and who are really kind to you.
Both you and your friends will really benefit when you all go out. When they see you smile or laugh, they’ll love that they can show you a good time.
Research suggests that 6 hours of social activity is really good for you. Even if you just talk to people at work or school, those interactions help your emotional health.
5. Go on a nature walk.
Enjoying the outdoors helps you see the bigger picture in your life.
Go anywhere that is so gorgeous that you will be swept away with all the details. You can go to a community garden, or you can go on a hike in the woods. When you see beautiful scenery all around you, you’ll realize that your past relationship was just one short chapter for you.
Bring a friend or two if you’re going somewhere more remote, like a forest. You can all collect pine cones or leaves, then arrange them and take a picture to capture the connection you all have.
Make sure to dress for the weather so you can really relax. If it’s cold out, put on a coat, and if it’s warm out, wear less layers.
Studies show that mindful nature walks can stop “rumination,” or any thoughts that you can get stuck on, like worries about your breakup.
6. Work out and eat well.
Taking care of your body will prepare you for your next stage.
Create some routines that are easy for you to follow, and make sure to focus on both movement and nutrition. For example, you can go on a jog and eat five servings of fruits and veggies every day. You’ll feel a lot more energy, and you’ll be really proud that you invested in yourself and your future.
Stock up on healthy foods you love and stick to exercise regimens that excite you. For example, maybe you prefer instant oatmeal in the morning and a hip-hop dance routine at night.
Make some fun social events, too. For instance, you and your buddies can go to the farmer’s market, throw a potluck, or join some gym classes together.
It’s a fun adventure to find out what you like the most. You can try Pilates one weekend, and then rock climbing the next.
7. Redecorate your space.
Giving your space a visual refresh is a fun, distracting project.
Take down any mementos from your old relationship, like romantic pictures. If you have any of your ex’s items, ask a friend to give them back to your past partner. Now that your space is totally yours, you can try out a whole new color palette and spruce everything up with tons of fun decor.
You can also breathe new life into your space with just a little bit of effort, too. For example, if you’re on a budget or just want to keep things low-key, you can pick up one potted flower.
Decorate your room with a theme that captures the new “you.” For example, if you’d like to be more bold, you can put up some posters of rock stars and frame quotes about courage.
If you still live with your ex, try to get out as much as you can. You can go to a cafe, then make a vision board of the new room you’d love.
8. Try guided meditation.
Mindfulness techniques can help you find some peace.
Once a day, sit in a quiet place, breathe deeply, and repeat a “mantra,” or hopeful phrase. For example, you can tell yourself, “I will get through this, and I will be okay.” Then, try a “loving kindness” meditation, which lets you wish you and your ex well. Over time, you’ll release your discomfort and attachments.
You can say another mantra like, “I am strong. I am full of love, and I am surrounded by support.”
Some “loving kindness” meditations focus on how to forgive your ex. For instance, you can say, “I no longer hold onto my feelings about how you treated me. I wish you peace on your path.”
You can also design a “loving kindness” message for yourself. You may even tell yourself, “I forgive myself for my struggles in that relationship. Now, I’m moving forward.”
9. Create some personal resolutions.
Setting goals can help you feel more optimistic about the future.
Think of one big vision and then break it into realistic steps. For instance, maybe you’d like to go back to school. You can look up your favorite program, then call up some admissions officers. Make all kinds of new standards for yourself, too. You’ll be so focused on self-improvement that it’ll be really natural to keep looking ahead.
Your milestone might relate to a physical challenge. For example, maybe you’d like to run a 5K in six months. Increase the distance you run over time and you’ll hit that goal.
Your new standard might connect to emotional health. For instance, maybe you want to be present. You can focus on “active listening” skills.
Your goal might be related to your career path. You may say something like, “I would like to be a social worker one day.” You can look up any job requirements for your ideal position.
10. Try out fun activities.
Exploring new or favorite hobbies can boost your mood.
Focus on any interests of yours that relieve your stress and let you unwind. For example, maybe you love a good round of competitive frisbee because it’s a total blast. Also try out some interesting experiments, like a painting class. You’ll totally lose yourself in all the creative ways to spend your time.
A good trick is to picture what it looks like to “goof off.” If the activity feels silly or care-free, then make lots of time for it.
You’ll also feel grateful for your own self-care. It’ll feel really nice to focus less on what you think you “have” to do and more on what you want to do.
Studies show that if you participate in any activity you are excited about, you’ll lower your blood pressure and “cortisol,” a hormone that creates stress.
11. Learn something new.
Learning a new skill is a healthy way to distract yourself.
Research a topic you’ve always been curious about. For example, maybe finally have the opportunity to figure out how you can stream video games. You can study your favorite vloggers, read about the best equipment, and make a blog about your journey. You’ll be so busy finding all the right details that it’ll be all you obsess about.
Try a DIY project, too. It can be for beginners or it can be more advanced. For example, you can make an air plant terrarium, or you can even build a bookshelf.
You can sign up for a class, too. Your local city college or community center probably offers a lot of interesting courses. You can take one at any time of the day, from the morning to the evening.
You can even teach someone a new skill. For instance, maybe you’re great at knitting. It also takes a lot of focus to mentor people.
12. Volunteer in your community.
Supporting others is a rewarding way to spend your free time.
Check in with your friend group and ask how you can help anyone. For example, maybe one of your friends needs a pet sitter for the weekend. Look out for ways to assist even more people, too. You can cook some meals for a local shelter or clean up a beach with a volunteer crew. You’ll value the opportunity to make a difference, and you can make lots of new friends.
The more you and your friends are there for each other, the more you’ll build a sense of trust and your own tight-knit community.
You can find a whole new sense of purpose when you help out. For instance, if you tutor some local kids, you may find out you have a passion for education.
You can also support people who are far away. For example, you can donate some money to organizations that are overseas.
13. Give yourself time to heal before dating again.
Rushing back into things can sometimes do more harm than good.
Devote all the time and mental energy that you’ve freed up to yourself. When you continue to pursue your passions and expand on your skills, you’ll develop lots of independence. There’s always time to meet another special someone later in life, so just enjoy yourself now.
It can be really rewarding to have a lot of time to yourself. You can spend it in so many ways, and you’ll only have to focus on your own schedule.
Keep coming up with new challenges to empower yourself. For example, you can say, “I’ll be even more independent when I learn how to drive.”
Commit to your own happiness. You can even tell yourself, “I’m ‘the One’ in my life.” Then, just pursue what’s best for you.
14. Reach out to a therapist if you’re struggling.
Breakups are hard and it's okay to ask for help.
If you aren’t going outside at all or if your sadness has lasted for months, schedule a session with a therapist. A trained expert will give you a safe space to talk about the ways your breakup affects you. They’ll also teach you strategies to cope with the changes in your life and create new patterns that will benefit you.
There are even therapists that specialize in “breakup counseling.” They’ll know exactly how to help you in your situation and create a recovery plan with you.
Share all your challenges with your counselor. Tell them if you struggle with sleeping, eating well, or socializing. They’ll be able to advise you about how to improve your health.
If you really click with your therapist, you can keep seeing them even after you’ve healed from your breakup.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:50:17",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Journal about your feelings.\\nWriting out your thoughts can give you some relief.\\nVent about whatever emotions you have. Maybe you feel anxious, angry, or heartbroken. If you take the first step to scribble down your story about the breakup, you’ll understand yourself better.\\nIf you journal every day, your perspective about the breakup will become more and more clear.\\nOver time, you’ll actually be able to come up with some solutions to your problems. For example, you can write, “I never felt like they listened to me. I need to find more people who value my opinions.”\\nResearch shows that journaling can help you manage the most difficult emotions that follow a breakup, like grief.\\n2. Make a breakup playlist.\\nChoose meaningful songs to express yourself and process emotions.\\nThink about what music would feel the best to you right now. Do you need a good cry, or do you want to get in touch with your inner fighter? You can go for emotional melodies, or you can throw in a bunch of power ballads. Your playlist will be a great outlet for you to let it all out.\\nShuffle songs if you have mixed feelings. The random song choice can help you get in touch with every way you feel about the breakup.\\nMake separate playlists, too. For example, you can make one that says “Cry It Out” and another that’s titled “Single Vibes.”\\nAdd some throwback hits, too. Research suggests that you’ll feel best when you listen to songs that were popular when you were younger.\\n3. Call someone and check in.\\nReach out to people if you're feeling lonely.\\nTalk to anyone who you trust, like your friends and family. Be vulnerable and share what’s on your mind, then share if you have any specific needs. For example, maybe you’d really like a hug soon. Your loved ones will be happy to comfort you.\\nIf you only have a little energy, you can talk for just 10 minutes. Your mood will still improve a lot.\\nAsk the person you’re calling if it’s a good time to chat. If you need to, you can reschedule with them and check in with someone else.\\nTry to join a support group and talk to others who just went through a breakup. You can attend these meetups online and in person.\\nIf possible, limit conversations about your ex. Leave that for productive conversations with a psychologist, counselor or coach.\\n4. Make plans with friends and accept invites.\\nGet your mind off things by going out and socializing.\\nThink about your energy level and then arrange some hang-outs that feel good to you. For example, maybe you’d like to grab coffee with your best friends and chill out. Also make sure to RSVP on social media or via text to anything that sounds fun at the time. You’ll give yourself a lot of fun distractions.\\nSchedule time with people you can be yourself around and who are really kind to you.\\nBoth you and your friends will really benefit when you all go out. When they see you smile or laugh, they’ll love that they can show you a good time.\\nResearch suggests that 6 hours of social activity is really good for you. Even if you just talk to people at work or school, those interactions help your emotional health.\\n5. Go on a nature walk.\\nEnjoying the outdoors helps you see the bigger picture in your life.\\nGo anywhere that is so gorgeous that you will be swept away with all the details. You can go to a community garden, or you can go on a hike in the woods. When you see beautiful scenery all around you, you’ll realize that your past relationship was just one short chapter for you.\\nBring a friend or two if you’re going somewhere more remote, like a forest. You can all collect pine cones or leaves, then arrange them and take a picture to capture the connection you all have.\\nMake sure to dress for the weather so you can really relax. If it’s cold out, put on a coat, and if it’s warm out, wear less layers.\\nStudies show that mindful nature walks can stop “rumination,” or any thoughts that you can get stuck on, like worries about your breakup.\\n6. Work out and eat well.\\nTaking care of your body will prepare you for your next stage.\\nCreate some routines that are easy for you to follow, and make sure to focus on both movement and nutrition. For example, you can go on a jog and eat five servings of fruits and veggies every day. You’ll feel a lot more energy, and you’ll be really proud that you invested in yourself and your future.\\nStock up on healthy foods you love and stick to exercise regimens that excite you. For example, maybe you prefer instant oatmeal in the morning and a hip-hop dance routine at night.\\nMake some fun social events, too. For instance, you and your buddies can go to the farmer’s market, throw a potluck, or join some gym classes together.\\nIt’s a fun adventure to find out what you like the most. You can try Pilates one weekend, and then rock climbing the next.\\n7. Redecorate your space.\\nGiving your space a visual refresh is a fun, distracting project.\\nTake down any mementos from your old relationship, like romantic pictures. If you have any of your ex’s items, ask a friend to give them back to your past partner. Now that your space is totally yours, you can try out a whole new color palette and spruce everything up with tons of fun decor.\\nYou can also breathe new life into your space with just a little bit of effort, too. For example, if you’re on a budget or just want to keep things low-key, you can pick up one potted flower.\\nDecorate your room with a theme that captures the new “you.” For example, if you’d like to be more bold, you can put up some posters of rock stars and frame quotes about courage.\\nIf you still live with your ex, try to get out as much as you can. You can go to a cafe, then make a vision board of the new room you’d love.\\n8. Try guided meditation.\\nMindfulness techniques can help you find some peace.\\nOnce a day, sit in a quiet place, breathe deeply, and repeat a “mantra,” or hopeful phrase. For example, you can tell yourself, “I will get through this, and I will be okay.” Then, try a “loving kindness” meditation, which lets you wish you and your ex well. Over time, you’ll release your discomfort and attachments.\\nYou can say another mantra like, “I am strong. I am full of love, and I am surrounded by support.”\\nSome “loving kindness” meditations focus on how to forgive your ex. For instance, you can say, “I no longer hold onto my feelings about how you treated me. I wish you peace on your path.”\\nYou can also design a “loving kindness” message for yourself. You may even tell yourself, “I forgive myself for my struggles in that relationship. Now, I’m moving forward.”\\n9. Create some personal resolutions.\\nSetting goals can help you feel more optimistic about the future.\\nThink of one big vision and then break it into realistic steps. For instance, maybe you’d like to go back to school. You can look up your favorite program, then call up some admissions officers. Make all kinds of new standards for yourself, too. You’ll be so focused on self-improvement that it’ll be really natural to keep looking ahead.\\nYour milestone might relate to a physical challenge. For example, maybe you’d like to run a 5K in six months. Increase the distance you run over time and you’ll hit that goal.\\nYour new standard might connect to emotional health. For instance, maybe you want to be present. You can focus on “active listening” skills.\\nYour goal might be related to your career path. You may say something like, “I would like to be a social worker one day.” You can look up any job requirements for your ideal position.\\n10. Try out fun activities.\\nExploring new or favorite hobbies can boost your mood.\\nFocus on any interests of yours that relieve your stress and let you unwind. For example, maybe you love a good round of competitive frisbee because it’s a total blast. Also try out some interesting experiments, like a painting class. You’ll totally lose yourself in all the creative ways to spend your time.\\nA good trick is to picture what it looks like to “goof off.” If the activity feels silly or care-free, then make lots of time for it.\\nYou’ll also feel grateful for your own self-care. It’ll feel really nice to focus less on what you think you “have” to do and more on what you want to do.\\nStudies show that if you participate in any activity you are excited about, you’ll lower your blood pressure and “cortisol,” a hormone that creates stress.\\n11. Learn something new.\\nLearning a new skill is a healthy way to distract yourself.\\nResearch a topic you’ve always been curious about. For example, maybe finally have the opportunity to figure out how you can stream video games. You can study your favorite vloggers, read about the best equipment, and make a blog about your journey. You’ll be so busy finding all the right details that it’ll be all you obsess about.\\nTry a DIY project, too. It can be for beginners or it can be more advanced. For example, you can make an air plant terrarium, or you can even build a bookshelf.\\nYou can sign up for a class, too. Your local city college or community center probably offers a lot of interesting courses. You can take one at any time of the day, from the morning to the evening.\\nYou can even teach someone a new skill. For instance, maybe you’re great at knitting. It also takes a lot of focus to mentor people.\\n12. Volunteer in your community.\\nSupporting others is a rewarding way to spend your free time.\\nCheck in with your friend group and ask how you can help anyone. For example, maybe one of your friends needs a pet sitter for the weekend. Look out for ways to assist even more people, too. You can cook some meals for a local shelter or clean up a beach with a volunteer crew. You’ll value the opportunity to make a difference, and you can make lots of new friends.\\nThe more you and your friends are there for each other, the more you’ll build a sense of trust and your own tight-knit community.\\nYou can find a whole new sense of purpose when you help out. For instance, if you tutor some local kids, you may find out you have a passion for education.\\nYou can also support people who are far away. For example, you can donate some money to organizations that are overseas.\\n13. Give yourself time to heal before dating again.\\nRushing back into things can sometimes do more harm than good.\\nDevote all the time and mental energy that you’ve freed up to yourself. When you continue to pursue your passions and expand on your skills, you’ll develop lots of independence. There’s always time to meet another special someone later in life, so just enjoy yourself now.\\nIt can be really rewarding to have a lot of time to yourself. You can spend it in so many ways, and you’ll only have to focus on your own schedule.\\nKeep coming up with new challenges to empower yourself. For example, you can say, “I’ll be even more independent when I learn how to drive.”\\nCommit to your own happiness. You can even tell yourself, “I’m ‘the One’ in my life.” Then, just pursue what’s best for you.\\n14. Reach out to a therapist if you’re struggling.\\nBreakups are hard and it's okay to ask for help.\\nIf you aren’t going outside at all or if your sadness has lasted for months, schedule a session with a therapist. A trained expert will give you a safe space to talk about the ways your breakup affects you. They’ll also teach you strategies to cope with the changes in your life and create new patterns that will benefit you.\\nThere are even therapists that specialize in “breakup counseling.” They’ll know exactly how to help you in your situation and create a recovery plan with you.\\nShare all your challenges with your counselor. Tell them if you struggle with sleeping, eating well, or socializing. They’ll be able to advise you about how to improve your health.\\nIf you really click with your therapist, you can keep seeing them even after you’ve healed from your breakup.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"If your relationship just ended, now is actually the perfect time to discover who you are and what you love. You can express yourself, pick up new skills, and focus on your health. There are truly so many ways you can recover and learn how to be alone after a breakup, so we’ll share how to take care of who matters most—yourself.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Journal about your feelings.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Writing out your thoughts can give you some relief.\", \"描述\": \"Vent about whatever emotions you have. Maybe you feel anxious, angry, or heartbroken. If you take the first step to scribble down your story about the breakup, you’ll understand yourself better.\\nIf you journal every day, your perspective about the breakup will become more and more clear.\\nOver time, you’ll actually be able to come up with some solutions to your problems. For example, you can write, “I never felt like they listened to me. I need to find more people who value my opinions.”\\nResearch shows that journaling can help you manage the most difficult emotions that follow a breakup, like grief.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Make a breakup playlist.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Choose meaningful songs to express yourself and process emotions.\", \"描述\": \"Think about what music would feel the best to you right now. Do you need a good cry, or do you want to get in touch with your inner fighter? You can go for emotional melodies, or you can throw in a bunch of power ballads. Your playlist will be a great outlet for you to let it all out.\\nShuffle songs if you have mixed feelings. The random song choice can help you get in touch with every way you feel about the breakup.\\nMake separate playlists, too. For example, you can make one that says “Cry It Out” and another that’s titled “Single Vibes.”\\nAdd some throwback hits, too. Research suggests that you’ll feel best when you listen to songs that were popular when you were younger.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Call someone and check in.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Reach out to people if you're feeling lonely.\", \"描述\": \"Talk to anyone who you trust, like your friends and family. Be vulnerable and share what’s on your mind, then share if you have any specific needs. For example, maybe you’d really like a hug soon. Your loved ones will be happy to comfort you.\\nIf you only have a little energy, you can talk for just 10 minutes. Your mood will still improve a lot.\\nAsk the person you’re calling if it’s a good time to chat. If you need to, you can reschedule with them and check in with someone else.\\nTry to join a support group and talk to others who just went through a breakup. You can attend these meetups online and in person.\\nIf possible, limit conversations about your ex. Leave that for productive conversations with a psychologist, counselor or coach.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Make plans with friends and accept invites.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Get your mind off things by going out and socializing.\", \"描述\": \"Think about your energy level and then arrange some hang-outs that feel good to you. For example, maybe you’d like to grab coffee with your best friends and chill out. Also make sure to RSVP on social media or via text to anything that sounds fun at the time. You’ll give yourself a lot of fun distractions.\\nSchedule time with people you can be yourself around and who are really kind to you.\\nBoth you and your friends will really benefit when you all go out. When they see you smile or laugh, they’ll love that they can show you a good time.\\nResearch suggests that 6 hours of social activity is really good for you. Even if you just talk to people at work or school, those interactions help your emotional health.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Go on a nature walk.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Enjoying the outdoors helps you see the bigger picture in your life.\", \"描述\": \"Go anywhere that is so gorgeous that you will be swept away with all the details. You can go to a community garden, or you can go on a hike in the woods. When you see beautiful scenery all around you, you’ll realize that your past relationship was just one short chapter for you.\\nBring a friend or two if you’re going somewhere more remote, like a forest. You can all collect pine cones or leaves, then arrange them and take a picture to capture the connection you all have.\\nMake sure to dress for the weather so you can really relax. If it’s cold out, put on a coat, and if it’s warm out, wear less layers.\\nStudies show that mindful nature walks can stop “rumination,” or any thoughts that you can get stuck on, like worries about your breakup.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Work out and eat well.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Taking care of your body will prepare you for your next stage.\", \"描述\": \"Create some routines that are easy for you to follow, and make sure to focus on both movement and nutrition. For example, you can go on a jog and eat five servings of fruits and veggies every day. You’ll feel a lot more energy, and you’ll be really proud that you invested in yourself and your future.\\nStock up on healthy foods you love and stick to exercise regimens that excite you. For example, maybe you prefer instant oatmeal in the morning and a hip-hop dance routine at night.\\nMake some fun social events, too. For instance, you and your buddies can go to the farmer’s market, throw a potluck, or join some gym classes together.\\nIt’s a fun adventure to find out what you like the most. You can try Pilates one weekend, and then rock climbing the next.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Redecorate your space.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Giving your space a visual refresh is a fun, distracting project.\", \"描述\": \"Take down any mementos from your old relationship, like romantic pictures. If you have any of your ex’s items, ask a friend to give them back to your past partner. Now that your space is totally yours, you can try out a whole new color palette and spruce everything up with tons of fun decor.\\nYou can also breathe new life into your space with just a little bit of effort, too. For example, if you’re on a budget or just want to keep things low-key, you can pick up one potted flower.\\nDecorate your room with a theme that captures the new “you.” For example, if you’d like to be more bold, you can put up some posters of rock stars and frame quotes about courage.\\nIf you still live with your ex, try to get out as much as you can. You can go to a cafe, then make a vision board of the new room you’d love.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Try guided meditation.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Mindfulness techniques can help you find some peace.\", \"描述\": \"Once a day, sit in a quiet place, breathe deeply, and repeat a “mantra,” or hopeful phrase. For example, you can tell yourself, “I will get through this, and I will be okay.” Then, try a “loving kindness” meditation, which lets you wish you and your ex well. Over time, you’ll release your discomfort and attachments.\\nYou can say another mantra like, “I am strong. I am full of love, and I am surrounded by support.”\\nSome “loving kindness” meditations focus on how to forgive your ex. For instance, you can say, “I no longer hold onto my feelings about how you treated me. I wish you peace on your path.”\\nYou can also design a “loving kindness” message for yourself. You may even tell yourself, “I forgive myself for my struggles in that relationship. Now, I’m moving forward.”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Create some personal resolutions.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Setting goals can help you feel more optimistic about the future.\", \"描述\": \"Think of one big vision and then break it into realistic steps. For instance, maybe you’d like to go back to school. You can look up your favorite program, then call up some admissions officers. Make all kinds of new standards for yourself, too. You’ll be so focused on self-improvement that it’ll be really natural to keep looking ahead.\\nYour milestone might relate to a physical challenge. For example, maybe you’d like to run a 5K in six months. Increase the distance you run over time and you’ll hit that goal.\\nYour new standard might connect to emotional health. For instance, maybe you want to be present. You can focus on “active listening” skills.\\nYour goal might be related to your career path. You may say something like, “I would like to be a social worker one day.” You can look up any job requirements for your ideal position.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Try out fun activities.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Exploring new or favorite hobbies can boost your mood.\", \"描述\": \"Focus on any interests of yours that relieve your stress and let you unwind. For example, maybe you love a good round of competitive frisbee because it’s a total blast. Also try out some interesting experiments, like a painting class. You’ll totally lose yourself in all the creative ways to spend your time.\\nA good trick is to picture what it looks like to “goof off.” If the activity feels silly or care-free, then make lots of time for it.\\nYou’ll also feel grateful for your own self-care. It’ll feel really nice to focus less on what you think you “have” to do and more on what you want to do.\\nStudies show that if you participate in any activity you are excited about, you’ll lower your blood pressure and “cortisol,” a hormone that creates stress.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Learn something new.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Learning a new skill is a healthy way to distract yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Research a topic you’ve always been curious about. For example, maybe finally have the opportunity to figure out how you can stream video games. You can study your favorite vloggers, read about the best equipment, and make a blog about your journey. You’ll be so busy finding all the right details that it’ll be all you obsess about.\\nTry a DIY project, too. It can be for beginners or it can be more advanced. For example, you can make an air plant terrarium, or you can even build a bookshelf.\\nYou can sign up for a class, too. Your local city college or community center probably offers a lot of interesting courses. You can take one at any time of the day, from the morning to the evening.\\nYou can even teach someone a new skill. For instance, maybe you’re great at knitting. It also takes a lot of focus to mentor people.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 12, \"标题\": \"Volunteer in your community.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Supporting others is a rewarding way to spend your free time.\", \"描述\": \"Check in with your friend group and ask how you can help anyone. For example, maybe one of your friends needs a pet sitter for the weekend. Look out for ways to assist even more people, too. You can cook some meals for a local shelter or clean up a beach with a volunteer crew. You’ll value the opportunity to make a difference, and you can make lots of new friends.\\nThe more you and your friends are there for each other, the more you’ll build a sense of trust and your own tight-knit community.\\nYou can find a whole new sense of purpose when you help out. For instance, if you tutor some local kids, you may find out you have a passion for education.\\nYou can also support people who are far away. For example, you can donate some money to organizations that are overseas.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 13, \"标题\": \"Give yourself time to heal before dating again.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Rushing back into things can sometimes do more harm than good.\", \"描述\": \"Devote all the time and mental energy that you’ve freed up to yourself. When you continue to pursue your passions and expand on your skills, you’ll develop lots of independence. There’s always time to meet another special someone later in life, so just enjoy yourself now.\\nIt can be really rewarding to have a lot of time to yourself. You can spend it in so many ways, and you’ll only have to focus on your own schedule.\\nKeep coming up with new challenges to empower yourself. For example, you can say, “I’ll be even more independent when I learn how to drive.”\\nCommit to your own happiness. You can even tell yourself, “I’m ‘the One’ in my life.” Then, just pursue what’s best for you.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 14, \"标题\": \"Reach out to a therapist if you’re struggling.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Breakups are hard and it's okay to ask for help.\", \"描述\": \"If you aren’t going outside at all or if your sadness has lasted for months, schedule a session with a therapist. A trained expert will give you a safe space to talk about the ways your breakup affects you. They’ll also teach you strategies to cope with the changes in your life and create new patterns that will benefit you.\\nThere are even therapists that specialize in “breakup counseling.” They’ll know exactly how to help you in your situation and create a recovery plan with you.\\nShare all your challenges with your counselor. Tell them if you struggle with sleeping, eating well, or socializing. They’ll be able to advise you about how to improve your health.\\nIf you really click with your therapist, you can keep seeing them even after you’ve healed from your breakup.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,535 | How to Be Aloof | 1. Appearing Generally Disinterested
1-1. Reduce your participation in conversations.
If you see people conversing in a group, don’t approach them. If someone tries to strike up a conversation, respond politely, but keep the conversation brief.
Make a specific excuse to exit the conversation. Say something like, “I need to run to the bathroom” or “I have to get back to work.”
Tell the other person it was nice talking to them to wrap things up. You could say, “Well, it was good to see you.”
1-2. Keep conversations superficial when they occur.
Being aloof is all about seeming disinterested, so don’t get into the deep stuff during conversation. Stick to surface-level topics like work, weather, current events, and sports. Avoid sharing details about your personal life and don’t encourage other people to do so.
Don’t ask questions. Asking questions keeps the conversation going and shows you’re interested in the other person, encouraging them to share more.
1-3. Appear calm and unruffled.
An important part of being aloof is showing little emotion. Even in tense situations, you should do your best to remain cool, calm, and collected. If your aloofness is directed towards a specific person, try to think of your interactions like a science project--interesting, maybe, but with no emotional involvement.
Take a few deep breaths if you’re getting worked up. Excuse yourself from the situation if things feel like they’re about to boil over.
If you can’t calm yourself down on the inside, make sure you look calm on the outside. Keep your facial expression neutral, relax your shoulders, and unclench your fists.
1-4. Make it seem like you’re busy.
Even if you aren’t that busy, you should make an effort to look like you are. Don’t linger after work or stop for a leisurely chat at the water cooler. Don’t respond to calls and texts immediately or accept invitations right away.
Decline at least some of the invitations that come your way.
If you don’t want to cut people off cold turkey, you can gradually spend less and less time with them.
1-5. Don’t be rude.
Being aloof doesn’t mean being rude. It means appearing emotionally detached and uninterested. You can be polite and aloof at the same time--in fact, you should be!
When someone talks to you, acknowledge them at the very least. Ignoring someone completely is generally a no-no.
It's important to communicate your interest in being distant and taking things slowly. It isn't always a good idea to ask the other person to make an assumption that you're not interested.
2. Being Aloof Towards an Ex
2-1. Date or flirt with other people.
Pretty much all of the general advice applies to exes, but there are some specific steps you can take to be more aloof around exes, too. Don’t hang around them all night giving them longing stares and puppy dog eyes. Get out there and talk to other people. You may even get a date or two.
Rebound relationships can actually help you move on. Just make sure you feel ready.
Remember that it is okay to love different people for different reasons. All you gotta do is evaluate if you're feeling healed enough to allow yourself to be vulnerable with someone else. Make sure you understand that the new relationship may be very different from your former relationship with your ex, though.
2-2. Limit physical contact.
Physical touch is a way to express affection, which you definitely want to limit in your efforts to be aloof. Avoid all forms of touching if you can, including hugging, holding hands, kissing, and sex.
2-3. Go to other people for help.
It may be tempting to call up your ex when you’re feeling emotional, but don’t. Reach out to other loved ones for help. Sharing your deep emotions with your ex hardly looks aloof.
2-4. Try to let go of anger towards them.
You may be harboring some deep-seeded anger towards your ex. Being aloof will be much easier if you let that anger go. Try to forgive them for any past wrongs or hurts.
When negative thoughts about your ex pop into your head, counter them with positive thoughts. Address the thought “I can’t believe he left me,” with one like, “It’s better off this way. I deserve someone who respects me and treats me right.”
Focus on the positive things in your life, like your amazing family and friends.
View your relationship as a learning experience. Think about how you can apply the lessons you learned to future relationships to make them stronger and happier.
3. Choosing the Right Time to Be Aloof
3-1. Use aloofness as a last resort to deal with conflict.
If you have a fight with a friend or coworker, try to talk through the problem first. Being cold and aloof can permanently damage a relationship, so make sure you’re ready to cut off contact before giving them the cold shoulder.
3-2. Be aloof to distance yourself from toxic relationships.
Aloofness can be useful--and even necessary--if you need to protect yourself from a toxic friend or ex. That's because aloofness allows you to limit your emotional involvement with people who hurt you in the past.
3-3. Use aloofness at work to maintain focus and avoid drama.
Aloofness can be helpful if you need to emotionally distance yourself from co-worker drama or have a stressful job that calls for intense focus. However, in more social jobs that require teamwork, it may not be the best idea.
Don’t be aloof towards your boss unless it’s absolutely necessary. To keep your job and have a good work experience, It’s important that you stay on friendly terms.
A little bit of aloofness at work can help you buckle down and meet necessary deadlines.
Tips
Being aloof may be helpful if you’re trying to play hard to get. Just make sure you show a little interest now and then so you don’t drive away your love interest.
Warnings
Try not to make aloofness a habit. It can be useful sometimes, but don’t let it become your permanent persona.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:17",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Appearing Generally Disinterested\\n1-1. Reduce your participation in conversations.\\nIf you see people conversing in a group, don’t approach them. If someone tries to strike up a conversation, respond politely, but keep the conversation brief.\\nMake a specific excuse to exit the conversation. Say something like, “I need to run to the bathroom” or “I have to get back to work.”\\nTell the other person it was nice talking to them to wrap things up. You could say, “Well, it was good to see you.”\\n1-2. Keep conversations superficial when they occur.\\nBeing aloof is all about seeming disinterested, so don’t get into the deep stuff during conversation. Stick to surface-level topics like work, weather, current events, and sports. Avoid sharing details about your personal life and don’t encourage other people to do so.\\nDon’t ask questions. Asking questions keeps the conversation going and shows you’re interested in the other person, encouraging them to share more.\\n1-3. Appear calm and unruffled.\\nAn important part of being aloof is showing little emotion. Even in tense situations, you should do your best to remain cool, calm, and collected. If your aloofness is directed towards a specific person, try to think of your interactions like a science project--interesting, maybe, but with no emotional involvement.\\nTake a few deep breaths if you’re getting worked up. Excuse yourself from the situation if things feel like they’re about to boil over.\\nIf you can’t calm yourself down on the inside, make sure you look calm on the outside. Keep your facial expression neutral, relax your shoulders, and unclench your fists.\\n1-4. Make it seem like you’re busy.\\nEven if you aren’t that busy, you should make an effort to look like you are. Don’t linger after work or stop for a leisurely chat at the water cooler. Don’t respond to calls and texts immediately or accept invitations right away.\\nDecline at least some of the invitations that come your way.\\nIf you don’t want to cut people off cold turkey, you can gradually spend less and less time with them.\\n1-5. Don’t be rude.\\nBeing aloof doesn’t mean being rude. It means appearing emotionally detached and uninterested. You can be polite and aloof at the same time--in fact, you should be!\\nWhen someone talks to you, acknowledge them at the very least. Ignoring someone completely is generally a no-no.\\nIt's important to communicate your interest in being distant and taking things slowly. It isn't always a good idea to ask the other person to make an assumption that you're not interested.\\n2. Being Aloof Towards an Ex\\n2-1. Date or flirt with other people.\\nPretty much all of the general advice applies to exes, but there are some specific steps you can take to be more aloof around exes, too. Don’t hang around them all night giving them longing stares and puppy dog eyes. Get out there and talk to other people. You may even get a date or two.\\nRebound relationships can actually help you move on. Just make sure you feel ready.\\nRemember that it is okay to love different people for different reasons. All you gotta do is evaluate if you're feeling healed enough to allow yourself to be vulnerable with someone else. Make sure you understand that the new relationship may be very different from your former relationship with your ex, though.\\n2-2. Limit physical contact.\\nPhysical touch is a way to express affection, which you definitely want to limit in your efforts to be aloof. Avoid all forms of touching if you can, including hugging, holding hands, kissing, and sex.\\n2-3. Go to other people for help.\\nIt may be tempting to call up your ex when you’re feeling emotional, but don’t. Reach out to other loved ones for help. Sharing your deep emotions with your ex hardly looks aloof.\\n2-4. Try to let go of anger towards them.\\nYou may be harboring some deep-seeded anger towards your ex. Being aloof will be much easier if you let that anger go. Try to forgive them for any past wrongs or hurts.\\nWhen negative thoughts about your ex pop into your head, counter them with positive thoughts. Address the thought “I can’t believe he left me,” with one like, “It’s better off this way. I deserve someone who respects me and treats me right.”\\nFocus on the positive things in your life, like your amazing family and friends.\\nView your relationship as a learning experience. Think about how you can apply the lessons you learned to future relationships to make them stronger and happier.\\n3. Choosing the Right Time to Be Aloof\\n3-1. Use aloofness as a last resort to deal with conflict.\\nIf you have a fight with a friend or coworker, try to talk through the problem first. Being cold and aloof can permanently damage a relationship, so make sure you’re ready to cut off contact before giving them the cold shoulder.\\n3-2. Be aloof to distance yourself from toxic relationships.\\nAloofness can be useful--and even necessary--if you need to protect yourself from a toxic friend or ex. That's because aloofness allows you to limit your emotional involvement with people who hurt you in the past.\\n3-3. Use aloofness at work to maintain focus and avoid drama.\\nAloofness can be helpful if you need to emotionally distance yourself from co-worker drama or have a stressful job that calls for intense focus. However, in more social jobs that require teamwork, it may not be the best idea.\\nDon’t be aloof towards your boss unless it’s absolutely necessary. To keep your job and have a good work experience, It’s important that you stay on friendly terms.\\nA little bit of aloofness at work can help you buckle down and meet necessary deadlines.\\nTips\\nBeing aloof may be helpful if you’re trying to play hard to get. Just make sure you show a little interest now and then so you don’t drive away your love interest.\\nWarnings\\nTry not to make aloofness a habit. It can be useful sometimes, but don’t let it become your permanent persona.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"When you think of an aloof person, you probably think of someone who’s uninterested, detached, and a little cold. Despite its negative rap, aloofness can actually be useful sometimes. Maybe you need to shut out difficult people in your life or distance yourself from an ex lover. Whatever your reasons, you first need to understand when it’s appropriate to be aloof, and when it’s not. Then, you can work on being aloof by limiting conversation, appearing busy, and staying cool, calm and collected at all times.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Appearing Generally Disinterested\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Reduce your participation in conversations.\", \"描述\": \"If you see people conversing in a group, don’t approach them. If someone tries to strike up a conversation, respond politely, but keep the conversation brief.\\nMake a specific excuse to exit the conversation. Say something like, “I need to run to the bathroom” or “I have to get back to work.”\\nTell the other person it was nice talking to them to wrap things up. You could say, “Well, it was good to see you.”\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Keep conversations superficial when they occur.\", \"描述\": \"Being aloof is all about seeming disinterested, so don’t get into the deep stuff during conversation. Stick to surface-level topics like work, weather, current events, and sports. Avoid sharing details about your personal life and don’t encourage other people to do so.\\nDon’t ask questions. Asking questions keeps the conversation going and shows you’re interested in the other person, encouraging them to share more.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Appear calm and unruffled.\", \"描述\": \"An important part of being aloof is showing little emotion. Even in tense situations, you should do your best to remain cool, calm, and collected. If your aloofness is directed towards a specific person, try to think of your interactions like a science project--interesting, maybe, but with no emotional involvement.\\nTake a few deep breaths if you’re getting worked up. Excuse yourself from the situation if things feel like they’re about to boil over.\\nIf you can’t calm yourself down on the inside, make sure you look calm on the outside. Keep your facial expression neutral, relax your shoulders, and unclench your fists.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Make it seem like you’re busy.\", \"描述\": \"Even if you aren’t that busy, you should make an effort to look like you are. Don’t linger after work or stop for a leisurely chat at the water cooler. Don’t respond to calls and texts immediately or accept invitations right away.\\nDecline at least some of the invitations that come your way.\\nIf you don’t want to cut people off cold turkey, you can gradually spend less and less time with them.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Don’t be rude.\", \"描述\": \"Being aloof doesn’t mean being rude. It means appearing emotionally detached and uninterested. You can be polite and aloof at the same time--in fact, you should be!\\nWhen someone talks to you, acknowledge them at the very least. Ignoring someone completely is generally a no-no.\\nIt's important to communicate your interest in being distant and taking things slowly. It isn't always a good idea to ask the other person to make an assumption that you're not interested.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being Aloof Towards an Ex\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Date or flirt with other people.\", \"描述\": \"Pretty much all of the general advice applies to exes, but there are some specific steps you can take to be more aloof around exes, too. Don’t hang around them all night giving them longing stares and puppy dog eyes. Get out there and talk to other people. You may even get a date or two.\\nRebound relationships can actually help you move on. Just make sure you feel ready.\\nRemember that it is okay to love different people for different reasons. All you gotta do is evaluate if you're feeling healed enough to allow yourself to be vulnerable with someone else. Make sure you understand that the new relationship may be very different from your former relationship with your ex, though.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Limit physical contact.\", \"描述\": \"Physical touch is a way to express affection, which you definitely want to limit in your efforts to be aloof. Avoid all forms of touching if you can, including hugging, holding hands, kissing, and sex.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Go to other people for help.\", \"描述\": \"It may be tempting to call up your ex when you’re feeling emotional, but don’t. Reach out to other loved ones for help. Sharing your deep emotions with your ex hardly looks aloof.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Try to let go of anger towards them.\", \"描述\": \"You may be harboring some deep-seeded anger towards your ex. Being aloof will be much easier if you let that anger go. Try to forgive them for any past wrongs or hurts.\\nWhen negative thoughts about your ex pop into your head, counter them with positive thoughts. Address the thought “I can’t believe he left me,” with one like, “It’s better off this way. I deserve someone who respects me and treats me right.”\\nFocus on the positive things in your life, like your amazing family and friends.\\nView your relationship as a learning experience. Think about how you can apply the lessons you learned to future relationships to make them stronger and happier.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Choosing the Right Time to Be Aloof\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Use aloofness as a last resort to deal with conflict.\", \"描述\": \"If you have a fight with a friend or coworker, try to talk through the problem first. Being cold and aloof can permanently damage a relationship, so make sure you’re ready to cut off contact before giving them the cold shoulder.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be aloof to distance yourself from toxic relationships.\", \"描述\": \"Aloofness can be useful--and even necessary--if you need to protect yourself from a toxic friend or ex. That's because aloofness allows you to limit your emotional involvement with people who hurt you in the past.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Use aloofness at work to maintain focus and avoid drama.\", \"描述\": \"Aloofness can be helpful if you need to emotionally distance yourself from co-worker drama or have a stressful job that calls for intense focus. However, in more social jobs that require teamwork, it may not be the best idea.\\nDon’t be aloof towards your boss unless it’s absolutely necessary. To keep your job and have a good work experience, It’s important that you stay on friendly terms.\\nA little bit of aloofness at work can help you buckle down and meet necessary deadlines.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Being aloof may be helpful if you’re trying to play hard to get. Just make sure you show a little interest now and then so you don’t drive away your love interest.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Try not to make aloofness a habit. It can be useful sometimes, but don’t let it become your permanent persona.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,536 | How to Be Alternative | 1. Getting into the Alternative Mindset
1-1. Never let anyone tell you how to dress.
Be confident in your individuality and take style cues from what inspires you and not from anyone else. While a lot of people think alternative as having punk, emo, goth, or rock influences, it is up to an individual where she gets her style cues from.
1-2. Accept yourself.
While it’s okay to tone for certain occasions that deem certain things appropriate, you don’t have to let go of all your flair. If you are toned down but feel uncomfortable then you are bending to the norm and not being alternative.
For example, if you feel a bright pink mohawk is inappropriate for a job interview at an office, wear your hair down but keep pink streaks in. You will be miserable anywhere that you cannot be yourself so allow your personality to come through as much as is appropriate.
1-3. Don’t let your style own you.
Having an alternative style doesn’t mean that you can’t add your own personal touches. While black is associated with alternative style, you can open your colour palette as alternative is a state of mind and not a strict set of rules. Follow your gut.
1-4. Adapt to the situation.
There will be times when a certain style is inappropriate. For example, skulls may be seen as a staple for an alternative style but wearing skull print during a funeral may be seen as very inappropriate. Tone down anything that may seem overly offensive when necessary.
1-5. Evolve naturally.
Just because you don’t feel the need or have the time to dye your hair or get more piercings, doesn’t mean that you are no longer alternative. You may also ditch platforms if they have become more of a nuisance during your daily grind. Changing one or all aspects of your wardrobe doesn’t change your mindset.
1-6. Experiment with shopping in different stores.
Get out of your comfort zone and look for style inspiration outside of your normal stores. Changing your style is part of an alternative attitude. Wanting to change is a great sign that you are in an alternative mindset.
Some store market themselves as catering specifically to an alternative style. You probably already know which stores are closest to you. If that is the case, it means that a lot of alternative people are also using this resource rather than finding it on their own. Step away from the crowd and find your own resources.
1-7. Declutter your wardrobe.
Follow your instincts and remove anything you don’t see yourself wearing any more. Make room for new versions of alternative inspiration. Donate your old clothes or find consignment outlets to help you recover some of your spendings.
Use social media to find groups that hold clothing exchanges or cater specifically to people with an alternative style.
2. Being Alternative in the Workplace
2-1. Identify with various subcultures.
There are a number of subcultures that identify with being alternative including emo, punk, and grunge. You may research online for influences that may still be deemed appropriate at work.
For example, you may have the sticker of your favourite punk band on the bag that you use in the office.
2-2. Let your style choices be dictated by your music choices.
If there is a certain pattern, print, or type of clothing that is trending within an alternative music scene, you may incorporate that into your office wear.
For example, if red lips are big in the punk scene that you are listening to, use a more subtle shade of red lipstick when in the workplace.
2-3. Change your hair colour.
Alternative style is often associated with bright hair. While it may be too bold to dye everything a colour like green, you can still have streaks or a single inconspicuous streak.
You may also use nail polish or have colourful accents in your clothes or accessories if your workplace is too uptight to allow you to have colourful hair.
2-4. Choose specific patterns and prints.
There are a lot of prints and patterns that can be seen as alternative including black lace, leather, spikes, velvet, skulls, leopard print, crosses, chains, and plaid. You can include small splashes of these patterns and prints in your wardrobe without having to commit to something too bold like a leopard print skirt.
Make sure to consult your HR department to familiarize yourself with what is appropriate at your office as it may be different from office to office.
2-5. Have fun.
Dress to show off a different aspect of your personality. Just because your office does not allow something doesn’t mean you can’t be creative and find another way to express yourself. For example, just because you may not be allowed to wear a top with a large graphic skull printed on it, doesn’t mean you can’t wear a skull brooch on a more demure top.
Take pride in the fact that not everyone can pull off your style.
2-6. Curate your work outfits in advance.
It may take time to discover the most toned down versions of your style. You may need to shop for accessories or pieces that look similar with the same alternative flair but with a more professional touch. Have fun creating new outfits and going through your wardrobe for edgy yet complimentary pieces.
2-7. Take time to let more of your personality out.
Get comfortable in your work environment before you become more bold. You may be able to add prints that work with a pencil skirt. For example a top with cobwebs and insects subtly printed on it may look great with a pencil skirt and a blazer as it may just look like a black and white pattern floral pattern.
Keep your prints and patterns inconspicuous until your coworkers know you and you have formed mutual respect.
2-8. Let your work do the talking.
The best way to stand out in a professional setting is it let your work do the talking. A sense of style shouldn’t impede your professional life. As long as you don’t offend anyone and your work goes above what is expected, your style should be of no question.
It may become difficult to work if you feel it has become a hostile environment simply because people are judging you on your style. If your idea of normal is deemed as weird, make sure to politely and calmly talk to your co workers individually so you can know each other on a more personal level and they will no longer question your motives.
Make sure your work is appreciated. It’s okay to be a fashion outsider but make sure you’re receiving validation for your work. Don’t give your employer any reason to discipline you so make sure you’re receiving positive feedback in your work and that your outfit is within the guidelines of your HR department.
2-9. Wear your hair up.
If you have splashes of colour or an asymmetrical count, make the bold style less obvious by wearing your hair up. If you have the side of your head shaved, sweep your hair to make the disjointed look less noticeable.
2-10. Wear funky jewelry.
Jewelry and accessories are a great way to express yourself without having to completely change your outfit. Find pieces that compliment your wardrobe and provide subtle splashes of personality to your outfit.
For example, wear skull earrings or a skull ring.
2-11. Be proud.
Try to empathize that people see you through a different lense but be proud that you are expressing yourself as an individual and pulling off a look no one else can. Never judge anyone else as you obviously don’t want to be judged either.
2-12. Save it for the weekend.
While it may seem difficult to tone down your personality during the week, ask yourself if your job is more important than your style. If it is, let your full personality out outside of work hours. Part of being professional is adhering to the rules of conduct.
If your style is more important than your job, find a job that let’s you be more comfortable while you work.
3. Being Alternative at School
3-1. Dye your hair another colour.
Make sure you check with the school rules before dying your hair but have fun and express yourself once you know it’s okay. Dye can wash out and hair will grow back. Check the hair dye for any harmful chemicals or consult a professional.
3-2. Use temporary tattoos, piercings, and hair dye.
Make sure to try everything before making it permanent. It may seem like a good idea to get a tattoo or piercing but be safe and get a temporary replacement to test out whether it suits you. You may find a piercing inconvenient or a that you find a better tattoo design.
Tattoos and piercings especially need a lot of thought as they are permanent and you may grow out of them. Depending on your age, your body still may be changing physically and your tattoo or piercing may look a lot different in the next few years.
3-3. Find a support system.
Whether you talk to your parents, older siblings, teachers, or other alternative friends, you need to find people who can relate to wanting to be different. If you stand out in school people may make fun of you for being different. Find a support system to remind yourself that being different is good and that you are who you are.
3-4. Experiment with different things.
Whether it’s music, fashion, or activities like skateboarding, experiment with what makes you happy. There isn’t a set of rules for being alternative so don’t let other people tell you what you can or can’t do. Just make sure that you are safe and that you aren’t hurting or offending anybody.
If you are trying different activities like skateboarding or parkour, remember to be safe. Always wear a helmet and safety equipment to prevent injury.
3-5. Look to older students for inspiration.
If you do not know how to be alternative but think a group of older students do, mimic their style. Ask them questions about where they show or what music they listen to. If you are shy, you may simply quietly observe them and do research on your own.
3-6. Research online.
Use social media to find alternative groups in your school or near your house. Chat with others to share resources and learn more about alternative culture. Research bands who interest you and their fan forums for inspiration. Read blogs to help give you a sense of any changes in fashion.
3-7. Express yourself.
There are no hardened rules to being alternative. If you feel like having green hair, dye your hair green. If you feel like wearing all black, wear all black. Only you know what makes you happy and comfortable to be yourself.
Make sure that your self-expression is within the rules of your school. You don’t want to get detention for an obscene shirt.
3-8. Let music guide you.
Music can be a large part of being alternative. Listen to podcasts, join fan pages, and explore social media to find music that inspires you. Learn about what others are listening to and what inspires your favourite artists.
Get out and see live bands at clubs or anywhere that supports all-ages shows. If you see a group you like, try to talk to them after the gig. Most up-and-coming groups like to talk to their fan base. Find out what music they listen to or what inspires them.
Tips
Avoid brands, if you can. Brands are normally not alternative because they are so prevalent.
Shop at thrift stores. They are an invaluable source of clothes, nick- knacks and good ideas.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:17",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Getting into the Alternative Mindset\\n1-1. Never let anyone tell you how to dress.\\nBe confident in your individuality and take style cues from what inspires you and not from anyone else. While a lot of people think alternative as having punk, emo, goth, or rock influences, it is up to an individual where she gets her style cues from.\\n1-2. Accept yourself.\\nWhile it’s okay to tone for certain occasions that deem certain things appropriate, you don’t have to let go of all your flair. If you are toned down but feel uncomfortable then you are bending to the norm and not being alternative.\\nFor example, if you feel a bright pink mohawk is inappropriate for a job interview at an office, wear your hair down but keep pink streaks in. You will be miserable anywhere that you cannot be yourself so allow your personality to come through as much as is appropriate.\\n1-3. Don’t let your style own you.\\nHaving an alternative style doesn’t mean that you can’t add your own personal touches. While black is associated with alternative style, you can open your colour palette as alternative is a state of mind and not a strict set of rules. Follow your gut.\\n1-4. Adapt to the situation.\\nThere will be times when a certain style is inappropriate. For example, skulls may be seen as a staple for an alternative style but wearing skull print during a funeral may be seen as very inappropriate. Tone down anything that may seem overly offensive when necessary.\\n1-5. Evolve naturally.\\nJust because you don’t feel the need or have the time to dye your hair or get more piercings, doesn’t mean that you are no longer alternative. You may also ditch platforms if they have become more of a nuisance during your daily grind. Changing one or all aspects of your wardrobe doesn’t change your mindset.\\n1-6. Experiment with shopping in different stores.\\nGet out of your comfort zone and look for style inspiration outside of your normal stores. Changing your style is part of an alternative attitude. Wanting to change is a great sign that you are in an alternative mindset.\\nSome store market themselves as catering specifically to an alternative style. You probably already know which stores are closest to you. If that is the case, it means that a lot of alternative people are also using this resource rather than finding it on their own. Step away from the crowd and find your own resources.\\n1-7. Declutter your wardrobe.\\nFollow your instincts and remove anything you don’t see yourself wearing any more. Make room for new versions of alternative inspiration. Donate your old clothes or find consignment outlets to help you recover some of your spendings.\\nUse social media to find groups that hold clothing exchanges or cater specifically to people with an alternative style.\\n2. Being Alternative in the Workplace\\n2-1. Identify with various subcultures.\\nThere are a number of subcultures that identify with being alternative including emo, punk, and grunge. You may research online for influences that may still be deemed appropriate at work.\\nFor example, you may have the sticker of your favourite punk band on the bag that you use in the office.\\n2-2. Let your style choices be dictated by your music choices.\\nIf there is a certain pattern, print, or type of clothing that is trending within an alternative music scene, you may incorporate that into your office wear.\\nFor example, if red lips are big in the punk scene that you are listening to, use a more subtle shade of red lipstick when in the workplace.\\n2-3. Change your hair colour.\\nAlternative style is often associated with bright hair. While it may be too bold to dye everything a colour like green, you can still have streaks or a single inconspicuous streak.\\nYou may also use nail polish or have colourful accents in your clothes or accessories if your workplace is too uptight to allow you to have colourful hair.\\n2-4. Choose specific patterns and prints.\\nThere are a lot of prints and patterns that can be seen as alternative including black lace, leather, spikes, velvet, skulls, leopard print, crosses, chains, and plaid. You can include small splashes of these patterns and prints in your wardrobe without having to commit to something too bold like a leopard print skirt.\\nMake sure to consult your HR department to familiarize yourself with what is appropriate at your office as it may be different from office to office.\\n2-5. Have fun.\\nDress to show off a different aspect of your personality. Just because your office does not allow something doesn’t mean you can’t be creative and find another way to express yourself. For example, just because you may not be allowed to wear a top with a large graphic skull printed on it, doesn’t mean you can’t wear a skull brooch on a more demure top.\\nTake pride in the fact that not everyone can pull off your style.\\n2-6. Curate your work outfits in advance.\\nIt may take time to discover the most toned down versions of your style. You may need to shop for accessories or pieces that look similar with the same alternative flair but with a more professional touch. Have fun creating new outfits and going through your wardrobe for edgy yet complimentary pieces.\\n2-7. Take time to let more of your personality out.\\nGet comfortable in your work environment before you become more bold. You may be able to add prints that work with a pencil skirt. For example a top with cobwebs and insects subtly printed on it may look great with a pencil skirt and a blazer as it may just look like a black and white pattern floral pattern.\\nKeep your prints and patterns inconspicuous until your coworkers know you and you have formed mutual respect.\\n2-8. Let your work do the talking.\\nThe best way to stand out in a professional setting is it let your work do the talking. A sense of style shouldn’t impede your professional life. As long as you don’t offend anyone and your work goes above what is expected, your style should be of no question.\\nIt may become difficult to work if you feel it has become a hostile environment simply because people are judging you on your style. If your idea of normal is deemed as weird, make sure to politely and calmly talk to your co workers individually so you can know each other on a more personal level and they will no longer question your motives.\\nMake sure your work is appreciated. It’s okay to be a fashion outsider but make sure you’re receiving validation for your work. Don’t give your employer any reason to discipline you so make sure you’re receiving positive feedback in your work and that your outfit is within the guidelines of your HR department.\\n2-9. Wear your hair up.\\nIf you have splashes of colour or an asymmetrical count, make the bold style less obvious by wearing your hair up. If you have the side of your head shaved, sweep your hair to make the disjointed look less noticeable.\\n2-10. Wear funky jewelry.\\nJewelry and accessories are a great way to express yourself without having to completely change your outfit. Find pieces that compliment your wardrobe and provide subtle splashes of personality to your outfit.\\nFor example, wear skull earrings or a skull ring.\\n2-11. Be proud.\\nTry to empathize that people see you through a different lense but be proud that you are expressing yourself as an individual and pulling off a look no one else can. Never judge anyone else as you obviously don’t want to be judged either.\\n2-12. Save it for the weekend.\\nWhile it may seem difficult to tone down your personality during the week, ask yourself if your job is more important than your style. If it is, let your full personality out outside of work hours. Part of being professional is adhering to the rules of conduct.\\nIf your style is more important than your job, find a job that let’s you be more comfortable while you work.\\n3. Being Alternative at School\\n3-1. Dye your hair another colour.\\nMake sure you check with the school rules before dying your hair but have fun and express yourself once you know it’s okay. Dye can wash out and hair will grow back. Check the hair dye for any harmful chemicals or consult a professional.\\n3-2. Use temporary tattoos, piercings, and hair dye.\\nMake sure to try everything before making it permanent. It may seem like a good idea to get a tattoo or piercing but be safe and get a temporary replacement to test out whether it suits you. You may find a piercing inconvenient or a that you find a better tattoo design.\\nTattoos and piercings especially need a lot of thought as they are permanent and you may grow out of them. Depending on your age, your body still may be changing physically and your tattoo or piercing may look a lot different in the next few years.\\n3-3. Find a support system.\\nWhether you talk to your parents, older siblings, teachers, or other alternative friends, you need to find people who can relate to wanting to be different. If you stand out in school people may make fun of you for being different. Find a support system to remind yourself that being different is good and that you are who you are.\\n3-4. Experiment with different things.\\nWhether it’s music, fashion, or activities like skateboarding, experiment with what makes you happy. There isn’t a set of rules for being alternative so don’t let other people tell you what you can or can’t do. Just make sure that you are safe and that you aren’t hurting or offending anybody.\\nIf you are trying different activities like skateboarding or parkour, remember to be safe. Always wear a helmet and safety equipment to prevent injury.\\n3-5. Look to older students for inspiration.\\nIf you do not know how to be alternative but think a group of older students do, mimic their style. Ask them questions about where they show or what music they listen to. If you are shy, you may simply quietly observe them and do research on your own.\\n3-6. Research online.\\nUse social media to find alternative groups in your school or near your house. Chat with others to share resources and learn more about alternative culture. Research bands who interest you and their fan forums for inspiration. Read blogs to help give you a sense of any changes in fashion.\\n3-7. Express yourself.\\nThere are no hardened rules to being alternative. If you feel like having green hair, dye your hair green. If you feel like wearing all black, wear all black. Only you know what makes you happy and comfortable to be yourself.\\nMake sure that your self-expression is within the rules of your school. You don’t want to get detention for an obscene shirt.\\n3-8. Let music guide you.\\nMusic can be a large part of being alternative. Listen to podcasts, join fan pages, and explore social media to find music that inspires you. Learn about what others are listening to and what inspires your favourite artists.\\nGet out and see live bands at clubs or anywhere that supports all-ages shows. If you see a group you like, try to talk to them after the gig. Most up-and-coming groups like to talk to their fan base. Find out what music they listen to or what inspires them.\\nTips\\nAvoid brands, if you can. Brands are normally not alternative because they are so prevalent.\\nShop at thrift stores. They are an invaluable source of clothes, nick- knacks and good ideas.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"There are many subcultures that can fall under the Alternative umbrella including: scene, emo, goth, skater, and indie. While you can take style cues from one or all of those, being alternative is a mindset more than anything else. It may be difficult to be alternative all the time, especially in the workplace, but be a confident individual and express yourself however you see fit.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Getting into the Alternative Mindset\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Never let anyone tell you how to dress.\", \"描述\": \"Be confident in your individuality and take style cues from what inspires you and not from anyone else. While a lot of people think alternative as having punk, emo, goth, or rock influences, it is up to an individual where she gets her style cues from.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Accept yourself.\", \"描述\": \"While it’s okay to tone for certain occasions that deem certain things appropriate, you don’t have to let go of all your flair. If you are toned down but feel uncomfortable then you are bending to the norm and not being alternative.\\nFor example, if you feel a bright pink mohawk is inappropriate for a job interview at an office, wear your hair down but keep pink streaks in. You will be miserable anywhere that you cannot be yourself so allow your personality to come through as much as is appropriate.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Don’t let your style own you.\", \"描述\": \"Having an alternative style doesn’t mean that you can’t add your own personal touches. While black is associated with alternative style, you can open your colour palette as alternative is a state of mind and not a strict set of rules. Follow your gut.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Adapt to the situation.\", \"描述\": \"There will be times when a certain style is inappropriate. For example, skulls may be seen as a staple for an alternative style but wearing skull print during a funeral may be seen as very inappropriate. Tone down anything that may seem overly offensive when necessary.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Evolve naturally.\", \"描述\": \"Just because you don’t feel the need or have the time to dye your hair or get more piercings, doesn’t mean that you are no longer alternative. You may also ditch platforms if they have become more of a nuisance during your daily grind. Changing one or all aspects of your wardrobe doesn’t change your mindset.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Experiment with shopping in different stores.\", \"描述\": \"Get out of your comfort zone and look for style inspiration outside of your normal stores. Changing your style is part of an alternative attitude. Wanting to change is a great sign that you are in an alternative mindset.\\nSome store market themselves as catering specifically to an alternative style. You probably already know which stores are closest to you. If that is the case, it means that a lot of alternative people are also using this resource rather than finding it on their own. Step away from the crowd and find your own resources.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Declutter your wardrobe.\", \"描述\": \"Follow your instincts and remove anything you don’t see yourself wearing any more. Make room for new versions of alternative inspiration. Donate your old clothes or find consignment outlets to help you recover some of your spendings.\\nUse social media to find groups that hold clothing exchanges or cater specifically to people with an alternative style.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being Alternative in the Workplace\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Identify with various subcultures.\", \"描述\": \"There are a number of subcultures that identify with being alternative including emo, punk, and grunge. You may research online for influences that may still be deemed appropriate at work.\\nFor example, you may have the sticker of your favourite punk band on the bag that you use in the office.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Let your style choices be dictated by your music choices.\", \"描述\": \"If there is a certain pattern, print, or type of clothing that is trending within an alternative music scene, you may incorporate that into your office wear.\\nFor example, if red lips are big in the punk scene that you are listening to, use a more subtle shade of red lipstick when in the workplace.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Change your hair colour.\", \"描述\": \"Alternative style is often associated with bright hair. While it may be too bold to dye everything a colour like green, you can still have streaks or a single inconspicuous streak.\\nYou may also use nail polish or have colourful accents in your clothes or accessories if your workplace is too uptight to allow you to have colourful hair.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Choose specific patterns and prints.\", \"描述\": \"There are a lot of prints and patterns that can be seen as alternative including black lace, leather, spikes, velvet, skulls, leopard print, crosses, chains, and plaid. You can include small splashes of these patterns and prints in your wardrobe without having to commit to something too bold like a leopard print skirt.\\nMake sure to consult your HR department to familiarize yourself with what is appropriate at your office as it may be different from office to office.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Have fun.\", \"描述\": \"Dress to show off a different aspect of your personality. Just because your office does not allow something doesn’t mean you can’t be creative and find another way to express yourself. For example, just because you may not be allowed to wear a top with a large graphic skull printed on it, doesn’t mean you can’t wear a skull brooch on a more demure top.\\nTake pride in the fact that not everyone can pull off your style.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Curate your work outfits in advance.\", \"描述\": \"It may take time to discover the most toned down versions of your style. You may need to shop for accessories or pieces that look similar with the same alternative flair but with a more professional touch. Have fun creating new outfits and going through your wardrobe for edgy yet complimentary pieces.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Take time to let more of your personality out.\", \"描述\": \"Get comfortable in your work environment before you become more bold. You may be able to add prints that work with a pencil skirt. For example a top with cobwebs and insects subtly printed on it may look great with a pencil skirt and a blazer as it may just look like a black and white pattern floral pattern.\\nKeep your prints and patterns inconspicuous until your coworkers know you and you have formed mutual respect.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Let your work do the talking.\", \"描述\": \"The best way to stand out in a professional setting is it let your work do the talking. A sense of style shouldn’t impede your professional life. As long as you don’t offend anyone and your work goes above what is expected, your style should be of no question.\\nIt may become difficult to work if you feel it has become a hostile environment simply because people are judging you on your style. If your idea of normal is deemed as weird, make sure to politely and calmly talk to your co workers individually so you can know each other on a more personal level and they will no longer question your motives.\\nMake sure your work is appreciated. It’s okay to be a fashion outsider but make sure you’re receiving validation for your work. Don’t give your employer any reason to discipline you so make sure you’re receiving positive feedback in your work and that your outfit is within the guidelines of your HR department.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Wear your hair up.\", \"描述\": \"If you have splashes of colour or an asymmetrical count, make the bold style less obvious by wearing your hair up. If you have the side of your head shaved, sweep your hair to make the disjointed look less noticeable.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Wear funky jewelry.\", \"描述\": \"Jewelry and accessories are a great way to express yourself without having to completely change your outfit. Find pieces that compliment your wardrobe and provide subtle splashes of personality to your outfit.\\nFor example, wear skull earrings or a skull ring.\"}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Be proud.\", \"描述\": \"Try to empathize that people see you through a different lense but be proud that you are expressing yourself as an individual and pulling off a look no one else can. Never judge anyone else as you obviously don’t want to be judged either.\"}, {\"编号\": 12, \"标题\": \"Save it for the weekend.\", \"描述\": \"While it may seem difficult to tone down your personality during the week, ask yourself if your job is more important than your style. If it is, let your full personality out outside of work hours. Part of being professional is adhering to the rules of conduct.\\nIf your style is more important than your job, find a job that let’s you be more comfortable while you work.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Being Alternative at School\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Dye your hair another colour.\", \"描述\": \"Make sure you check with the school rules before dying your hair but have fun and express yourself once you know it’s okay. Dye can wash out and hair will grow back. Check the hair dye for any harmful chemicals or consult a professional.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Use temporary tattoos, piercings, and hair dye.\", \"描述\": \"Make sure to try everything before making it permanent. It may seem like a good idea to get a tattoo or piercing but be safe and get a temporary replacement to test out whether it suits you. You may find a piercing inconvenient or a that you find a better tattoo design.\\nTattoos and piercings especially need a lot of thought as they are permanent and you may grow out of them. Depending on your age, your body still may be changing physically and your tattoo or piercing may look a lot different in the next few years.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Find a support system.\", \"描述\": \"Whether you talk to your parents, older siblings, teachers, or other alternative friends, you need to find people who can relate to wanting to be different. If you stand out in school people may make fun of you for being different. Find a support system to remind yourself that being different is good and that you are who you are.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Experiment with different things.\", \"描述\": \"Whether it’s music, fashion, or activities like skateboarding, experiment with what makes you happy. There isn’t a set of rules for being alternative so don’t let other people tell you what you can or can’t do. Just make sure that you are safe and that you aren’t hurting or offending anybody.\\nIf you are trying different activities like skateboarding or parkour, remember to be safe. Always wear a helmet and safety equipment to prevent injury.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Look to older students for inspiration.\", \"描述\": \"If you do not know how to be alternative but think a group of older students do, mimic their style. Ask them questions about where they show or what music they listen to. If you are shy, you may simply quietly observe them and do research on your own.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Research online.\", \"描述\": \"Use social media to find alternative groups in your school or near your house. Chat with others to share resources and learn more about alternative culture. Research bands who interest you and their fan forums for inspiration. Read blogs to help give you a sense of any changes in fashion.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Express yourself.\", \"描述\": \"There are no hardened rules to being alternative. If you feel like having green hair, dye your hair green. If you feel like wearing all black, wear all black. Only you know what makes you happy and comfortable to be yourself.\\nMake sure that your self-expression is within the rules of your school. You don’t want to get detention for an obscene shirt.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Let music guide you.\", \"描述\": \"Music can be a large part of being alternative. Listen to podcasts, join fan pages, and explore social media to find music that inspires you. Learn about what others are listening to and what inspires your favourite artists.\\nGet out and see live bands at clubs or anywhere that supports all-ages shows. If you see a group you like, try to talk to them after the gig. Most up-and-coming groups like to talk to their fan base. Find out what music they listen to or what inspires them.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Avoid brands, if you can. Brands are normally not alternative because they are so prevalent.\\n\", \"Shop at thrift stores. They are an invaluable source of clothes, nick- knacks and good ideas.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,537 | How to Be Amazing | 1. Excelling at Life
1-1. Continue to learn.
Well-rounded, lifelong learners are awesome men and women. Inquisitive individuals are invested in understanding the world around them. As a result, they are often more aware of world cultures and current events, and more accepting of people's differences as well. In an effort to increase your knowledge, allow your natural curiosity to lead you to new knowledge and equip you with new skills. Consider asking more questions, staying abreast of current events, and learning from those around you.
1-2. Take risks.
Everyone has a comfort zone; awesome people choose to live on or over the edge of theirs. There a several benefits to taking to road less traveled:
When you take a risk, you put yourself in the path of exciting challenges and new opportunities.
Taking a risk empowers you to extend your limits.
Your exercise the creative and logical areas of your brain.
Exiting your comfort zone can lead to an unexpected, positive outcome.
Taking a risk can put your goals and desires in perspective.
When you consistently take risks, you learn to lead a life uninhibited by expectations and limits.
1-3. Have an open mind.
There are several unexpected benefits of keeping an open mind that can transform you into an amazing person. When you have an open mind, you:
Allow yourself to relinquish control of your thoughts and experiences.
Allow yourself to adapt and change as you learn new things.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Accept that failure can lead to new beginnings and better things.
Craft your own identity.
Develop a strong sense of self.
Become capable of admitting that you are wrong or don't know.
1-4. Develop your talents.
Nurturing your natural talents can lead to awesome opportunities and self discoveries. When you explore and develop your skills, you can make amazing contributions to the world around you. Perhaps you have the potential to inspire people with your athletic ability, move them with your music, or tantalize their taste buds with delicious food.
1-5. Choose your own clothes.
If you choose to go with what others are going with, you will be like a mindless robot following the master. Choose what YOU want. Maybe that will start a trend, and you will be the master.
1-6. Do what you like, and only what you like unless it's required.
Just because the popular kids are saying that they like this kind of music, or this kind of book, or this kind of movie doesn't mean you should try it.
1-7. Identify good personal qualities.
What makes a "good" person? Different people have different ideas and perspectives about what makes someone good, but there are a few traits that most will agree are desirable traits to have. Develop your own list of qualities you want to work on to become someone others look up to.
You may determine that "good" means having integrity, being reliable, and being honest.
Some see goodness in humility, generosity, and kindness.
The ability to empathize with others and be nonjudgmental is another way to be good.
1-8. Give to others.
Being generous with friends and family members is a great way to be admired and to be a better person. Small, kind gestures go a long way.
2. Being the Best Version of Yourself
2-1. Be yourself.
Authenticity is awesome. You have a set of qualities and quirks that make you unique. Once you make the decision to lead an authentic life, take time to identify the unique characteristics that form your identity. After discovering your true self, choose to be yourself.
Don't be afraid to be you!
2-2. Be positive.
Awesome people have amazingly positive attitudes. All positive people are not faking it till they make it. Rather, positive people have the ability to see the good and the bad in a situation, but choose to focus only on the best possible outcome. In an effort to become a more positive person, consider implementing the following changes:
Surround yourself with positive people. Like stress, happiness is contagious. If you have more positive influences in your life, you are more likely to become a positive person.
Journal or meditate regularly. These practices have been known to increase a person's positive thoughts.
Practice positive self-talk. Whenever you have a negative thought, counter it with positive reinforcement. For example, if you catch yourself thinking, “I can't do [fill in the blank],” respond to yourself with “I know I can succeed at [fill in the blank.”
2-3. Be persistent.
Awesome individuals are dreamers; they pursue their passions relentlessly. A persistent person is often goal oriented, driven, adaptable, confident, and self-disciplined.
Identify your goals. What do you want to achieve today, next week, within your lifetime? Do you have a vision that consumes your thoughts?
Stop making excuses. Don't put off activities you claim to be passionate about.
Be adaptable. Instead of making excuses, find a way to accomplish your goals.
Remain confident. Don't pay the naysayers any attention. You are capable of achieving your goals.
Remain disciplined. As you strive to achieve your dreams, stay motivated and focused.
2-4. Be mindful.
Mindful individuals are acutely aware of their body and mind. Their practice of mindfulness equips them to live in the present, cope with stressors, and evaluate their emotions. Incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine can propel you towards becoming the most awesome version of your authentic self. Many achieve mindfulness through meditation.
Sit in a quiet, calming environment. You goal is to enter into a state of focused relaxation. Concentrate on your breathing or a one-word mantra. Allow your thoughts to enter and exit your mind freely and without judgement. As you meditate, your thoughts may focus on your body and the sensations you’re experiencing.
2-5. Be kind.
Being kind is another very important part. If you do want to be popular, being kind is the best good way to attempt. For example, help people study, pick up others' books, try to make friends with people that seem lonely or sad.
2-6. Be honest.
Tell people how you really feel instead of hiding your true thoughts and emotions. This is a way to build people's trust in you. Being direct and honest with those around you will make you a better person.
2-7. Understand that some have it better than you, but many have it much worse.
When we make ourselves miserable by comparing ourselves with others, we are wasting time and energy that we could use in building our own inner resources. Compliment yourself every morning. Being happy makes you a more positive person, which helps you put those positive vibes out into the world.
3. Excelling at School
3-1. Remain organized.
Amazing students are aware that their time and resources are valuable. As a result, they manage their time and resources wisely. They have the correct tools, equipment, and readings for each class. They are aware of due dates, test dates, and exam dates. They set aside time for studying and time for a social life.
Be prepared for each class.
Keep your notebooks organized.
Write important dates down in your planner.
Make studying and homework a priority.
3-2. Ask questions and seek assistance.
Amazing students recognize the limits of the knowledge. They aren't ashamed to ask clarifying questions. They seek out additional resources, such as instructional videos, on topics that confuse them. When they need additional help, they attend tutoring sessions and their professor's office hours.
Don't be afraid to ask for help.
3-3. Accept and seek feedback.
Criticism is hard to hear and easy to ignore. Excellent students, however, are not offended by feedback. Occasionally, they will even ask their professors for ways to improve. They use criticism to enhance their academic performance.
Read through your teacher's comments on papers, tests, and exams. Implement any suggested changes on your next assignment, draft, or assessment.
Don't take criticism personally. If you are confused by a comment, ask your professor for clarification.
Ask your professors for ways you can improve your writing.
4. Excelling at Work
4-1. Be exceptionally productive.
Awesome employees are extremely efficient and proficient because they love their jobs. Their desire to succeed, inspires them to impress colleagues and contribute to the team. They have an incredible work ethic that prevents them from complaining about additional responsibilities.
Find a job that you enjoy.
Work hard to excel at completing your assignments.
Accept additional responsibilities willingly. They will lead to incredible opportunities.
4-2. Solve problems.
Incredible employees are willing to set aside their personal opinions and agenda for the benefit of the company. Rather than spending time politicking for a promotion or gossiping about a colleague, they dedicate their energy to finding unique solutions to the company's problems. They value results over petty differences.
Commit to finding solutions instead of creating problems.
Set aside your personal views and work to find the solution that benefits the company.
4-3. Accept help and guidance.
The best employees are willing to admit that they don't have all of the answers. They don't let their ego prevent them from doing their job correctly. When necessary, they ask for advice and guidance from junior and senior colleagues.
Find a mentor in your industry.
Ask your colleagues for help and advice.
Include junior members of staff in your work process. They will appreciate it and it will give you a chance to mentor others.
5. Excelling at Relationships
5-1. Treat others with respect.
Awesome individuals treat others the way they wish to be treated. As you transform into an awesome individual, go out of your way to show respect to strangers, colleagues, friends, and family members. You can respect a person's opinion, space, body, and belongings.
5-2. Help those in need.
In a world that seems to be driven by a this-for-that sentiment, practicing kindness for its own sake is amazing. If you are looking for ways to help people, consider:
Assisting your parents with yard work.
Volunteering at a local nursing home.
Cooking a friend a meal.
Revising your sibling's paper.
5-3. Listen to others.
Having the ability to actively listen to others is an amazing trait. People appreciate when their voice is acknowledged and their feelings are validated. You can improve your listening skills by:
Putting away and ignoring all forms of distractions, such as your phone, while someone is speaking.
Being nice to others around
Maintaining eye contact with the person that is talking.
Smiling and nodding at the individual to let them know you hear what they are saying.
Mirroring the speaker's facial expressions to demonstrate that you are empathizing with them.
5-4. Work on your self-esteem.
Remember the good things about yourself and see your successes. Being nice to yourself is important to becoming a good person. People tend to look up to those with reasonable self-confidence.
Tips
Understand that some have it better than you, but many have it much worse. When we make ourselves miserable by comparing ourselves with others, we are wasting time and energy that we could use in building our own inner resources. Compliment yourself every morning. Being happy makes you a more positive person, which helps you put those positive vibes out into the world.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:18",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Excelling at Life\\n1-1. Continue to learn.\\nWell-rounded, lifelong learners are awesome men and women. Inquisitive individuals are invested in understanding the world around them. As a result, they are often more aware of world cultures and current events, and more accepting of people's differences as well. In an effort to increase your knowledge, allow your natural curiosity to lead you to new knowledge and equip you with new skills. Consider asking more questions, staying abreast of current events, and learning from those around you.\\n1-2. Take risks.\\nEveryone has a comfort zone; awesome people choose to live on or over the edge of theirs. There a several benefits to taking to road less traveled:\\nWhen you take a risk, you put yourself in the path of exciting challenges and new opportunities.\\nTaking a risk empowers you to extend your limits.\\nYour exercise the creative and logical areas of your brain.\\nExiting your comfort zone can lead to an unexpected, positive outcome.\\nTaking a risk can put your goals and desires in perspective.\\nWhen you consistently take risks, you learn to lead a life uninhibited by expectations and limits.\\n1-3. Have an open mind.\\nThere are several unexpected benefits of keeping an open mind that can transform you into an amazing person. When you have an open mind, you:\\nAllow yourself to relinquish control of your thoughts and experiences.\\nAllow yourself to adapt and change as you learn new things.\\nAllow yourself to be vulnerable.\\nAccept that failure can lead to new beginnings and better things.\\nCraft your own identity.\\nDevelop a strong sense of self.\\nBecome capable of admitting that you are wrong or don't know.\\n1-4. Develop your talents.\\nNurturing your natural talents can lead to awesome opportunities and self discoveries. When you explore and develop your skills, you can make amazing contributions to the world around you. Perhaps you have the potential to inspire people with your athletic ability, move them with your music, or tantalize their taste buds with delicious food.\\n1-5. Choose your own clothes.\\nIf you choose to go with what others are going with, you will be like a mindless robot following the master. Choose what YOU want. Maybe that will start a trend, and you will be the master.\\n1-6. Do what you like, and only what you like unless it's required.\\nJust because the popular kids are saying that they like this kind of music, or this kind of book, or this kind of movie doesn't mean you should try it.\\n1-7. Identify good personal qualities.\\nWhat makes a \\\"good\\\" person? Different people have different ideas and perspectives about what makes someone good, but there are a few traits that most will agree are desirable traits to have. Develop your own list of qualities you want to work on to become someone others look up to.\\nYou may determine that \\\"good\\\" means having integrity, being reliable, and being honest.\\nSome see goodness in humility, generosity, and kindness.\\nThe ability to empathize with others and be nonjudgmental is another way to be good.\\n1-8. Give to others.\\nBeing generous with friends and family members is a great way to be admired and to be a better person. Small, kind gestures go a long way.\\n2. Being the Best Version of Yourself\\n2-1. Be yourself.\\nAuthenticity is awesome. You have a set of qualities and quirks that make you unique. Once you make the decision to lead an authentic life, take time to identify the unique characteristics that form your identity. After discovering your true self, choose to be yourself.\\nDon't be afraid to be you!\\n2-2. Be positive.\\nAwesome people have amazingly positive attitudes. All positive people are not faking it till they make it. Rather, positive people have the ability to see the good and the bad in a situation, but choose to focus only on the best possible outcome. In an effort to become a more positive person, consider implementing the following changes:\\nSurround yourself with positive people. Like stress, happiness is contagious. If you have more positive influences in your life, you are more likely to become a positive person.\\nJournal or meditate regularly. These practices have been known to increase a person's positive thoughts.\\nPractice positive self-talk. Whenever you have a negative thought, counter it with positive reinforcement. For example, if you catch yourself thinking, “I can't do [fill in the blank],” respond to yourself with “I know I can succeed at [fill in the blank.”\\n2-3. Be persistent.\\nAwesome individuals are dreamers; they pursue their passions relentlessly. A persistent person is often goal oriented, driven, adaptable, confident, and self-disciplined.\\nIdentify your goals. What do you want to achieve today, next week, within your lifetime? Do you have a vision that consumes your thoughts?\\nStop making excuses. Don't put off activities you claim to be passionate about.\\nBe adaptable. Instead of making excuses, find a way to accomplish your goals.\\nRemain confident. Don't pay the naysayers any attention. You are capable of achieving your goals.\\nRemain disciplined. As you strive to achieve your dreams, stay motivated and focused.\\n2-4. Be mindful.\\nMindful individuals are acutely aware of their body and mind. Their practice of mindfulness equips them to live in the present, cope with stressors, and evaluate their emotions. Incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine can propel you towards becoming the most awesome version of your authentic self. Many achieve mindfulness through meditation.\\nSit in a quiet, calming environment. You goal is to enter into a state of focused relaxation. Concentrate on your breathing or a one-word mantra. Allow your thoughts to enter and exit your mind freely and without judgement. As you meditate, your thoughts may focus on your body and the sensations you’re experiencing.\\n2-5. Be kind.\\nBeing kind is another very important part. If you do want to be popular, being kind is the best good way to attempt. For example, help people study, pick up others' books, try to make friends with people that seem lonely or sad.\\n2-6. Be honest.\\nTell people how you really feel instead of hiding your true thoughts and emotions. This is a way to build people's trust in you. Being direct and honest with those around you will make you a better person.\\n2-7. Understand that some have it better than you, but many have it much worse.\\nWhen we make ourselves miserable by comparing ourselves with others, we are wasting time and energy that we could use in building our own inner resources. Compliment yourself every morning. Being happy makes you a more positive person, which helps you put those positive vibes out into the world.\\n3. Excelling at School\\n3-1. Remain organized.\\nAmazing students are aware that their time and resources are valuable. As a result, they manage their time and resources wisely. They have the correct tools, equipment, and readings for each class. They are aware of due dates, test dates, and exam dates. They set aside time for studying and time for a social life.\\nBe prepared for each class.\\nKeep your notebooks organized.\\nWrite important dates down in your planner.\\nMake studying and homework a priority.\\n3-2. Ask questions and seek assistance.\\nAmazing students recognize the limits of the knowledge. They aren't ashamed to ask clarifying questions. They seek out additional resources, such as instructional videos, on topics that confuse them. When they need additional help, they attend tutoring sessions and their professor's office hours.\\nDon't be afraid to ask for help.\\n3-3. Accept and seek feedback.\\nCriticism is hard to hear and easy to ignore. Excellent students, however, are not offended by feedback. Occasionally, they will even ask their professors for ways to improve. They use criticism to enhance their academic performance.\\nRead through your teacher's comments on papers, tests, and exams. Implement any suggested changes on your next assignment, draft, or assessment.\\nDon't take criticism personally. If you are confused by a comment, ask your professor for clarification.\\nAsk your professors for ways you can improve your writing.\\n4. Excelling at Work\\n4-1. Be exceptionally productive.\\nAwesome employees are extremely efficient and proficient because they love their jobs. Their desire to succeed, inspires them to impress colleagues and contribute to the team. They have an incredible work ethic that prevents them from complaining about additional responsibilities.\\nFind a job that you enjoy.\\nWork hard to excel at completing your assignments.\\nAccept additional responsibilities willingly. They will lead to incredible opportunities.\\n4-2. Solve problems.\\nIncredible employees are willing to set aside their personal opinions and agenda for the benefit of the company. Rather than spending time politicking for a promotion or gossiping about a colleague, they dedicate their energy to finding unique solutions to the company's problems. They value results over petty differences.\\nCommit to finding solutions instead of creating problems.\\nSet aside your personal views and work to find the solution that benefits the company.\\n4-3. Accept help and guidance.\\nThe best employees are willing to admit that they don't have all of the answers. They don't let their ego prevent them from doing their job correctly. When necessary, they ask for advice and guidance from junior and senior colleagues.\\nFind a mentor in your industry.\\nAsk your colleagues for help and advice.\\nInclude junior members of staff in your work process. They will appreciate it and it will give you a chance to mentor others.\\n5. Excelling at Relationships\\n5-1. Treat others with respect.\\nAwesome individuals treat others the way they wish to be treated. As you transform into an awesome individual, go out of your way to show respect to strangers, colleagues, friends, and family members. You can respect a person's opinion, space, body, and belongings.\\n5-2. Help those in need.\\nIn a world that seems to be driven by a this-for-that sentiment, practicing kindness for its own sake is amazing. If you are looking for ways to help people, consider:\\nAssisting your parents with yard work.\\nVolunteering at a local nursing home.\\nCooking a friend a meal.\\nRevising your sibling's paper.\\n5-3. Listen to others.\\nHaving the ability to actively listen to others is an amazing trait. People appreciate when their voice is acknowledged and their feelings are validated. You can improve your listening skills by:\\nPutting away and ignoring all forms of distractions, such as your phone, while someone is speaking.\\nBeing nice to others around\\nMaintaining eye contact with the person that is talking.\\nSmiling and nodding at the individual to let them know you hear what they are saying.\\nMirroring the speaker's facial expressions to demonstrate that you are empathizing with them.\\n5-4. Work on your self-esteem.\\nRemember the good things about yourself and see your successes. Being nice to yourself is important to becoming a good person. People tend to look up to those with reasonable self-confidence.\\nTips\\nUnderstand that some have it better than you, but many have it much worse. When we make ourselves miserable by comparing ourselves with others, we are wasting time and energy that we could use in building our own inner resources. Compliment yourself every morning. Being happy makes you a more positive person, which helps you put those positive vibes out into the world.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Amazing people come from all different walks of life. They are unique individuals who have discovered and chosen to live by a few universal truths. Amazing men and women strive to be authentic individuals who embrace change and love those around them.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Excelling at Life\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Continue to learn.\", \"描述\": \"Well-rounded, lifelong learners are awesome men and women. Inquisitive individuals are invested in understanding the world around them. As a result, they are often more aware of world cultures and current events, and more accepting of people's differences as well. In an effort to increase your knowledge, allow your natural curiosity to lead you to new knowledge and equip you with new skills. Consider asking more questions, staying abreast of current events, and learning from those around you.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Take risks.\", \"描述\": \"Everyone has a comfort zone; awesome people choose to live on or over the edge of theirs. There a several benefits to taking to road less traveled:\\nWhen you take a risk, you put yourself in the path of exciting challenges and new opportunities.\\nTaking a risk empowers you to extend your limits.\\nYour exercise the creative and logical areas of your brain.\\nExiting your comfort zone can lead to an unexpected, positive outcome.\\nTaking a risk can put your goals and desires in perspective.\\nWhen you consistently take risks, you learn to lead a life uninhibited by expectations and limits.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Have an open mind.\", \"描述\": \"There are several unexpected benefits of keeping an open mind that can transform you into an amazing person. When you have an open mind, you:\\nAllow yourself to relinquish control of your thoughts and experiences.\\nAllow yourself to adapt and change as you learn new things.\\nAllow yourself to be vulnerable.\\nAccept that failure can lead to new beginnings and better things.\\nCraft your own identity.\\nDevelop a strong sense of self.\\nBecome capable of admitting that you are wrong or don't know.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Develop your talents.\", \"描述\": \"Nurturing your natural talents can lead to awesome opportunities and self discoveries. When you explore and develop your skills, you can make amazing contributions to the world around you. Perhaps you have the potential to inspire people with your athletic ability, move them with your music, or tantalize their taste buds with delicious food.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Choose your own clothes.\", \"描述\": \"If you choose to go with what others are going with, you will be like a mindless robot following the master. Choose what YOU want. Maybe that will start a trend, and you will be the master.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Do what you like, and only what you like unless it's required.\", \"描述\": \"Just because the popular kids are saying that they like this kind of music, or this kind of book, or this kind of movie doesn't mean you should try it.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Identify good personal qualities.\", \"描述\": \"What makes a \\\"good\\\" person? Different people have different ideas and perspectives about what makes someone good, but there are a few traits that most will agree are desirable traits to have. Develop your own list of qualities you want to work on to become someone others look up to.\\nYou may determine that \\\"good\\\" means having integrity, being reliable, and being honest.\\nSome see goodness in humility, generosity, and kindness.\\nThe ability to empathize with others and be nonjudgmental is another way to be good.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Give to others.\", \"描述\": \"Being generous with friends and family members is a great way to be admired and to be a better person. Small, kind gestures go a long way.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being the Best Version of Yourself\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Authenticity is awesome. You have a set of qualities and quirks that make you unique. Once you make the decision to lead an authentic life, take time to identify the unique characteristics that form your identity. After discovering your true self, choose to be yourself.\\nDon't be afraid to be you!\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be positive.\", \"描述\": \"Awesome people have amazingly positive attitudes. All positive people are not faking it till they make it. Rather, positive people have the ability to see the good and the bad in a situation, but choose to focus only on the best possible outcome. In an effort to become a more positive person, consider implementing the following changes:\\nSurround yourself with positive people. Like stress, happiness is contagious. If you have more positive influences in your life, you are more likely to become a positive person.\\nJournal or meditate regularly. These practices have been known to increase a person's positive thoughts.\\nPractice positive self-talk. Whenever you have a negative thought, counter it with positive reinforcement. For example, if you catch yourself thinking, “I can't do [fill in the blank],” respond to yourself with “I know I can succeed at [fill in the blank.”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be persistent.\", \"描述\": \"Awesome individuals are dreamers; they pursue their passions relentlessly. A persistent person is often goal oriented, driven, adaptable, confident, and self-disciplined.\\nIdentify your goals. What do you want to achieve today, next week, within your lifetime? Do you have a vision that consumes your thoughts?\\nStop making excuses. Don't put off activities you claim to be passionate about.\\nBe adaptable. Instead of making excuses, find a way to accomplish your goals.\\nRemain confident. Don't pay the naysayers any attention. You are capable of achieving your goals.\\nRemain disciplined. As you strive to achieve your dreams, stay motivated and focused.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be mindful.\", \"描述\": \"Mindful individuals are acutely aware of their body and mind. Their practice of mindfulness equips them to live in the present, cope with stressors, and evaluate their emotions. Incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine can propel you towards becoming the most awesome version of your authentic self. Many achieve mindfulness through meditation.\\nSit in a quiet, calming environment. You goal is to enter into a state of focused relaxation. Concentrate on your breathing or a one-word mantra. Allow your thoughts to enter and exit your mind freely and without judgement. As you meditate, your thoughts may focus on your body and the sensations you’re experiencing.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be kind.\", \"描述\": \"Being kind is another very important part. If you do want to be popular, being kind is the best good way to attempt. For example, help people study, pick up others' books, try to make friends with people that seem lonely or sad.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Be honest.\", \"描述\": \"Tell people how you really feel instead of hiding your true thoughts and emotions. This is a way to build people's trust in you. Being direct and honest with those around you will make you a better person.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Understand that some have it better than you, but many have it much worse.\", \"描述\": \"When we make ourselves miserable by comparing ourselves with others, we are wasting time and energy that we could use in building our own inner resources. Compliment yourself every morning. Being happy makes you a more positive person, which helps you put those positive vibes out into the world.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Excelling at School\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Remain organized.\", \"描述\": \"Amazing students are aware that their time and resources are valuable. As a result, they manage their time and resources wisely. They have the correct tools, equipment, and readings for each class. They are aware of due dates, test dates, and exam dates. They set aside time for studying and time for a social life.\\nBe prepared for each class.\\nKeep your notebooks organized.\\nWrite important dates down in your planner.\\nMake studying and homework a priority.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Ask questions and seek assistance.\", \"描述\": \"Amazing students recognize the limits of the knowledge. They aren't ashamed to ask clarifying questions. They seek out additional resources, such as instructional videos, on topics that confuse them. When they need additional help, they attend tutoring sessions and their professor's office hours.\\nDon't be afraid to ask for help.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Accept and seek feedback.\", \"描述\": \"Criticism is hard to hear and easy to ignore. Excellent students, however, are not offended by feedback. Occasionally, they will even ask their professors for ways to improve. They use criticism to enhance their academic performance.\\nRead through your teacher's comments on papers, tests, and exams. Implement any suggested changes on your next assignment, draft, or assessment.\\nDon't take criticism personally. If you are confused by a comment, ask your professor for clarification.\\nAsk your professors for ways you can improve your writing.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Excelling at Work\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be exceptionally productive.\", \"描述\": \"Awesome employees are extremely efficient and proficient because they love their jobs. Their desire to succeed, inspires them to impress colleagues and contribute to the team. They have an incredible work ethic that prevents them from complaining about additional responsibilities.\\nFind a job that you enjoy.\\nWork hard to excel at completing your assignments.\\nAccept additional responsibilities willingly. They will lead to incredible opportunities.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Solve problems.\", \"描述\": \"Incredible employees are willing to set aside their personal opinions and agenda for the benefit of the company. Rather than spending time politicking for a promotion or gossiping about a colleague, they dedicate their energy to finding unique solutions to the company's problems. They value results over petty differences.\\nCommit to finding solutions instead of creating problems.\\nSet aside your personal views and work to find the solution that benefits the company.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Accept help and guidance.\", \"描述\": \"The best employees are willing to admit that they don't have all of the answers. They don't let their ego prevent them from doing their job correctly. When necessary, they ask for advice and guidance from junior and senior colleagues.\\nFind a mentor in your industry.\\nAsk your colleagues for help and advice.\\nInclude junior members of staff in your work process. They will appreciate it and it will give you a chance to mentor others.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Excelling at Relationships\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Treat others with respect.\", \"描述\": \"Awesome individuals treat others the way they wish to be treated. As you transform into an awesome individual, go out of your way to show respect to strangers, colleagues, friends, and family members. You can respect a person's opinion, space, body, and belongings.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Help those in need.\", \"描述\": \"In a world that seems to be driven by a this-for-that sentiment, practicing kindness for its own sake is amazing. If you are looking for ways to help people, consider:\\nAssisting your parents with yard work.\\nVolunteering at a local nursing home.\\nCooking a friend a meal.\\nRevising your sibling's paper.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Listen to others.\", \"描述\": \"Having the ability to actively listen to others is an amazing trait. People appreciate when their voice is acknowledged and their feelings are validated. You can improve your listening skills by:\\nPutting away and ignoring all forms of distractions, such as your phone, while someone is speaking.\\nBeing nice to others around\\nMaintaining eye contact with the person that is talking.\\nSmiling and nodding at the individual to let them know you hear what they are saying.\\nMirroring the speaker's facial expressions to demonstrate that you are empathizing with them.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Work on your self-esteem.\", \"描述\": \"Remember the good things about yourself and see your successes. Being nice to yourself is important to becoming a good person. People tend to look up to those with reasonable self-confidence.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Understand that some have it better than you, but many have it much worse. When we make ourselves miserable by comparing ourselves with others, we are wasting time and energy that we could use in building our own inner resources. Compliment yourself every morning. Being happy makes you a more positive person, which helps you put those positive vibes out into the world.\\n\"]}]}}",
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} | wikihow |
3,538 | How to Be Ambitious | 1. Getting in the Right Mindset
1-1. Figure out what motivates you.
Different people are motivated by different things, like fear, love, or duty. Figure out what motivates you and then focus your energy on those values.
1-2. Tell yourself positive affirmations.
Positive affirmations are statements that are almost like self-compliments. These aren't just to boost your confidence; they can actually increase your problem solving skills under stress.
Think of your most valued personality traits. Do you consider yourself creative? Intelligent? Talented? Make your positive affirmations revolve around the traits that best describe you as a person.
Say to yourself ten times every day: "I am intelligent. I can use my intelligence to achieve my goals. I am creative. I can use my inventiveness as a problem solving tool. I am a gifted individual."
Be sure you say positive affirmations that are realistic and which revolve around you. Don't say things like "I am good at focusing on the task at hand" if you actually struggle with focusing on tasks. This can have a negative effect and may actually lower your esteem. Instead, say things like "I am able to work hard on getting focused," or future affirmations like "I can get better at being more focused."
1-3. Focus on the what you can gain instead of what you might lose.
Obsessing about all the things that can go wrong only increases anxiety and places your focus on what not to do, instead of what to do.
Think to yourself, "If I work out regularly, I will look amazing." You will find yourself optimistic and eager to work out every day. If you constantly think to yourself, "If I don't run today, I'll get fat and won't look attractive," then you'll be too worried to perform the task properly and it will be preformed rushed and unprofessionally.
Working from a place of doubt and anxiety can cause you to take no action at all. Since you'll be so afraid of screwing up, you may actually not take any action just to be "safe." Not taking actions will not get you where you need to be.
1-4. Remove "I don't feel like it" from your vocabulary.
The idea of only being able to do something when you "feel like it" is toxic to success. Sure, inspiration often strikes us at random times, but don't be reliant on inspiration to get things done.
When we say to ourselves, "I just can't get out of bed to exercise," we are really saying, "I just can't get myself to feel like exercising." Nothing is tying you to your bed, physically keeping you from jogging in the morning. The real hurdle is the idea that motivation only comes from inside, instead of from routine physical efforts.
The most prolific artists and writers are prolific because they became reliant on work routines that forced them to put in a number of hours of work per day, regardless of how uninspired they might have felt.
Think of motivation as a verb, not a noun. Motivation is something you have to do consistently, not something you wait around to become.
1-5. Use "if-then" planning to think of the things you need to do.
Give yourself specific parameters within which to do a task, otherwise you will constantly find yourself putting the task off until the last minute.
Don't say, "I'll get around to writing that English paper later." Say, If it is 2 p.m., thenI will start writing my English paper. By deciding in advance what you're going to do and when you're going to do it, you won't be tempted to deliberate when the time comes.
Since you've already made your decision in advance, at 2 p.m. you'll be less likely to ask yourself, "Do I really have to do this now?" or, "Can this wait until later?"
If-then planning has been shown to increase goal attainment by 200-300 percent on average.
1-6. Think of failure as a process of elimination.
Don't think of it as an end result of your efforts, but as a crossed-out method for trying to achieve a goal.
When Thomas Edison finally created the light bulb, he famously said, "I didn't fail; I just found 2,000 ways not to make a light bulb."
1-7.
Both Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant have set multiple scoring records in basketball. What you might not have known, however, is that both are also all-time leaders for the most missed shots in the NBA. When you try a lot at things, you are naturally going to fail. Don't be afraid of making mistakes or falling short. Failure is only permanent if you stop trying.
1-8. Enjoy your successes, but don't dwell on them.
This is known as "resting on your laurels," and can cause you to become complacent about what you have already achieved rather than focusing on your next achievement.
It is important to enjoy things you have done right, but know that basking in the glow of your achievements can make you less likely to want to chase another goal. Since success is certain, enjoyable, and rewarding, we can often find ourselves back to being afraid of venturing out and possibly failing again.
Basking in success is usually most beneficial if you haven't yet set a specific goal. When you are working towards a goal, however, enjoying your success for too long can actually halt your progress and keep you stagnant.
2. Setting Goals
2-1. Set specific goals in terms that can be measured.
Similar to "If-then" planning, setting physically measurable goals gives your brain a concrete place to begin striving toward.
It is always important to try your best, but "trying your best" isn't the best method of measuring your success. Instead of saying, "I'll try my best to run a mile today," say, "I will try to run this mile in under ten minutes today."
Since "your best" is a subjective term, you might be more likely to say that you've "done your best" when you find it hard to continue on with a task. For example, when you find yourself getting slightly winded while running, you might say, "Okay, I'm done. That was my best." Having a specific goal will help push you toward something that you can actually picture in your head.
2-2. Create a specific goal achievement strategy.
Now that you've set a specific goal, map out detailed instructions for achieving that goal.
For example, "In order to run this mile in under ten minutes, I'll jog ten laps around the tennis court near my house every day for two weeks. After that, I'll jog 20 laps around the local reservoir, which is much larger."
Even people who set specific goals can end up not achieving them simply because they don't have a concrete plan for doing so. If you don't have a strict plan for reaching your goal, you won't know whether or not you're doing enough to reach it.
2-3. Set difficult but realistic goals.
It is reasonable to want to run a mile in under ten minutes if you are healthy and have moderate experience jogging. Trying to run a mile in under ten minutes with asthma or during physical rehabilitation may not be realistic, however.
Goals shouldn't be so easy that you don't have to push yourself to achieve them. If you've run a mile in under ten minutes before, try running it under 8:30. Setting goals that you can achieve easily might be great for your confidence, but it won't boost your performance or help you grow as a runner.
2-4.
Your goals should also not be so lofty or difficult that there is no real possibility of achieving them. For example, trying to run a mile in four minutes is feasible for many Olympic track runners, but is probably unreachable by your average jogger. Setting goals that are too difficult can cause you to become frustrated and angry, or it could just make you not take the goal seriously.
2-5. Have both short-term and long-term goals.
Setting only long-term goals can cause you to lose sight of them down the road, making you less determined or simply unmotivated. Short-term goals help remind you of why you're doing what you're doing.
Achievement boosts your self-confidence by making you feel more competent. Setting up multiple short-term goals and achieving them in succession helps you see immediate improvements in your performance and increases your motivation.
For example, run a mile in under nine minutes this month, and then next month work toward 8:30. Your long term goal might be to run the mile in under seven minutes by the end of the year. Success is more easily achieved when you've built a good momentum.
2-6. Plan another goal immediately after you've achieved one.
One notable characteristic of ambitious people is that they don't stop striving to become better.
This strategy is specifically tailored to fighting complacency (as described in the previous section). Setting another goal immediately places your focus on working rather than basking. Though it is important to rest between goals, try to plan another one as soon as possible.
As soon as you run the mile in seven minutes, plan to run a short marathon in the next two months. Take the remaining weeks to rest your legs, but use that time to map out a new strategy for meeting your new goal.
2-7. Give yourself a concrete reward every time you meet a goal.
For example, have a T-bone steak every time you run a mile in under seven minutes. Rest and reward are just as crucial to success as hard work and perseverance.
Stress is healthy in small, steady amounts because it helps focus and stimulate the brain. Having too much stress, however, will cause your performance to drop. This will negatively affect your confidence, which can then affect your momentum, which can ultimately result in you giving up.
Being constantly stressed isn't just bad for your morale, it can severely affect your physical health. Chronic stress can put a strain on your heart and lead to diabetes or asthma. It can also make you more susceptible to catching colds.
Rewarding yourself is different than basking in your success. Giving rewards is a form of reinforcement and will make you more likely to continue pursuing your goals. You aren't stopping to admire your success, but rather acknowledging your hard work and giving yourself motivation to keep on going.Try and make a goal to say yes more, this may seem simple but it can boost your confidence and inspire you to be more motivated.
Tips
Keep organized. It's easiest to keep goals in mind when you're not prevented from getting things done by the mess in your room or the boxes of books you haven't sorted through yet.
Make lists. Tape them to bed frame or on the bathroom wall--wherever you're guaranteed to see them!
Warnings
Some people may call you a workaholic. Don't believe them. Keep up with your social life, but keep chasing your dreams, and brush off those mean comments.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:50:18",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Getting in the Right Mindset\\n1-1. Figure out what motivates you.\\nDifferent people are motivated by different things, like fear, love, or duty. Figure out what motivates you and then focus your energy on those values.\\n1-2. Tell yourself positive affirmations.\\nPositive affirmations are statements that are almost like self-compliments. These aren't just to boost your confidence; they can actually increase your problem solving skills under stress.\\nThink of your most valued personality traits. Do you consider yourself creative? Intelligent? Talented? Make your positive affirmations revolve around the traits that best describe you as a person.\\nSay to yourself ten times every day: \\\"I am intelligent. I can use my intelligence to achieve my goals. I am creative. I can use my inventiveness as a problem solving tool. I am a gifted individual.\\\"\\nBe sure you say positive affirmations that are realistic and which revolve around you. Don't say things like \\\"I am good at focusing on the task at hand\\\" if you actually struggle with focusing on tasks. This can have a negative effect and may actually lower your esteem. Instead, say things like \\\"I am able to work hard on getting focused,\\\" or future affirmations like \\\"I can get better at being more focused.\\\"\\n1-3. Focus on the what you can gain instead of what you might lose.\\nObsessing about all the things that can go wrong only increases anxiety and places your focus on what not to do, instead of what to do.\\nThink to yourself, \\\"If I work out regularly, I will look amazing.\\\" You will find yourself optimistic and eager to work out every day. If you constantly think to yourself, \\\"If I don't run today, I'll get fat and won't look attractive,\\\" then you'll be too worried to perform the task properly and it will be preformed rushed and unprofessionally.\\nWorking from a place of doubt and anxiety can cause you to take no action at all. Since you'll be so afraid of screwing up, you may actually not take any action just to be \\\"safe.\\\" Not taking actions will not get you where you need to be.\\n1-4. Remove \\\"I don't feel like it\\\" from your vocabulary.\\nThe idea of only being able to do something when you \\\"feel like it\\\" is toxic to success. Sure, inspiration often strikes us at random times, but don't be reliant on inspiration to get things done.\\nWhen we say to ourselves, \\\"I just can't get out of bed to exercise,\\\" we are really saying, \\\"I just can't get myself to feel like exercising.\\\" Nothing is tying you to your bed, physically keeping you from jogging in the morning. The real hurdle is the idea that motivation only comes from inside, instead of from routine physical efforts.\\nThe most prolific artists and writers are prolific because they became reliant on work routines that forced them to put in a number of hours of work per day, regardless of how uninspired they might have felt.\\nThink of motivation as a verb, not a noun. Motivation is something you have to do consistently, not something you wait around to become.\\n1-5. Use \\\"if-then\\\" planning to think of the things you need to do.\\nGive yourself specific parameters within which to do a task, otherwise you will constantly find yourself putting the task off until the last minute.\\nDon't say, \\\"I'll get around to writing that English paper later.\\\" Say, If it is 2 p.m., thenI will start writing my English paper. By deciding in advance what you're going to do and when you're going to do it, you won't be tempted to deliberate when the time comes.\\nSince you've already made your decision in advance, at 2 p.m. you'll be less likely to ask yourself, \\\"Do I really have to do this now?\\\" or, \\\"Can this wait until later?\\\"\\nIf-then planning has been shown to increase goal attainment by 200-300 percent on average.\\n1-6. Think of failure as a process of elimination.\\nDon't think of it as an end result of your efforts, but as a crossed-out method for trying to achieve a goal.\\nWhen Thomas Edison finally created the light bulb, he famously said, \\\"I didn't fail; I just found 2,000 ways not to make a light bulb.\\\"\\n1-7. \\nBoth Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant have set multiple scoring records in basketball. What you might not have known, however, is that both are also all-time leaders for the most missed shots in the NBA. When you try a lot at things, you are naturally going to fail. Don't be afraid of making mistakes or falling short. Failure is only permanent if you stop trying.\\n1-8. Enjoy your successes, but don't dwell on them.\\nThis is known as \\\"resting on your laurels,\\\" and can cause you to become complacent about what you have already achieved rather than focusing on your next achievement.\\nIt is important to enjoy things you have done right, but know that basking in the glow of your achievements can make you less likely to want to chase another goal. Since success is certain, enjoyable, and rewarding, we can often find ourselves back to being afraid of venturing out and possibly failing again.\\nBasking in success is usually most beneficial if you haven't yet set a specific goal. When you are working towards a goal, however, enjoying your success for too long can actually halt your progress and keep you stagnant.\\n2. Setting Goals\\n2-1. Set specific goals in terms that can be measured.\\nSimilar to \\\"If-then\\\" planning, setting physically measurable goals gives your brain a concrete place to begin striving toward.\\nIt is always important to try your best, but \\\"trying your best\\\" isn't the best method of measuring your success. Instead of saying, \\\"I'll try my best to run a mile today,\\\" say, \\\"I will try to run this mile in under ten minutes today.\\\"\\nSince \\\"your best\\\" is a subjective term, you might be more likely to say that you've \\\"done your best\\\" when you find it hard to continue on with a task. For example, when you find yourself getting slightly winded while running, you might say, \\\"Okay, I'm done. That was my best.\\\" Having a specific goal will help push you toward something that you can actually picture in your head.\\n2-2. Create a specific goal achievement strategy.\\nNow that you've set a specific goal, map out detailed instructions for achieving that goal.\\nFor example, \\\"In order to run this mile in under ten minutes, I'll jog ten laps around the tennis court near my house every day for two weeks. After that, I'll jog 20 laps around the local reservoir, which is much larger.\\\"\\nEven people who set specific goals can end up not achieving them simply because they don't have a concrete plan for doing so. If you don't have a strict plan for reaching your goal, you won't know whether or not you're doing enough to reach it.\\n2-3. Set difficult but realistic goals.\\nIt is reasonable to want to run a mile in under ten minutes if you are healthy and have moderate experience jogging. Trying to run a mile in under ten minutes with asthma or during physical rehabilitation may not be realistic, however.\\nGoals shouldn't be so easy that you don't have to push yourself to achieve them. If you've run a mile in under ten minutes before, try running it under 8:30. Setting goals that you can achieve easily might be great for your confidence, but it won't boost your performance or help you grow as a runner.\\n2-4. \\nYour goals should also not be so lofty or difficult that there is no real possibility of achieving them. For example, trying to run a mile in four minutes is feasible for many Olympic track runners, but is probably unreachable by your average jogger. Setting goals that are too difficult can cause you to become frustrated and angry, or it could just make you not take the goal seriously.\\n2-5. Have both short-term and long-term goals.\\nSetting only long-term goals can cause you to lose sight of them down the road, making you less determined or simply unmotivated. Short-term goals help remind you of why you're doing what you're doing.\\nAchievement boosts your self-confidence by making you feel more competent. Setting up multiple short-term goals and achieving them in succession helps you see immediate improvements in your performance and increases your motivation.\\nFor example, run a mile in under nine minutes this month, and then next month work toward 8:30. Your long term goal might be to run the mile in under seven minutes by the end of the year. Success is more easily achieved when you've built a good momentum.\\n2-6. Plan another goal immediately after you've achieved one.\\nOne notable characteristic of ambitious people is that they don't stop striving to become better.\\nThis strategy is specifically tailored to fighting complacency (as described in the previous section). Setting another goal immediately places your focus on working rather than basking. Though it is important to rest between goals, try to plan another one as soon as possible.\\nAs soon as you run the mile in seven minutes, plan to run a short marathon in the next two months. Take the remaining weeks to rest your legs, but use that time to map out a new strategy for meeting your new goal.\\n2-7. Give yourself a concrete reward every time you meet a goal.\\nFor example, have a T-bone steak every time you run a mile in under seven minutes. Rest and reward are just as crucial to success as hard work and perseverance.\\nStress is healthy in small, steady amounts because it helps focus and stimulate the brain. Having too much stress, however, will cause your performance to drop. This will negatively affect your confidence, which can then affect your momentum, which can ultimately result in you giving up.\\nBeing constantly stressed isn't just bad for your morale, it can severely affect your physical health. Chronic stress can put a strain on your heart and lead to diabetes or asthma. It can also make you more susceptible to catching colds.\\nRewarding yourself is different than basking in your success. Giving rewards is a form of reinforcement and will make you more likely to continue pursuing your goals. You aren't stopping to admire your success, but rather acknowledging your hard work and giving yourself motivation to keep on going.Try and make a goal to say yes more, this may seem simple but it can boost your confidence and inspire you to be more motivated.\\nTips\\nKeep organized. It's easiest to keep goals in mind when you're not prevented from getting things done by the mess in your room or the boxes of books you haven't sorted through yet.\\nMake lists. Tape them to bed frame or on the bathroom wall--wherever you're guaranteed to see them!\\nWarnings\\nSome people may call you a workaholic. Don't believe them. Keep up with your social life, but keep chasing your dreams, and brush off those mean comments.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Elvis Presley once said, \\\"Ambition is a dream with a V8 engine.\\\"\\nHaving dreams is essential to achieving success, but you won't get there just by dreaming. Being ambitious is a skill you develop over time and requires hard work, persistence, and most importantly, a strategy. Follow these steps for successfully chasing down your dream.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Getting in the Right Mindset\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Figure out what motivates you.\", \"描述\": \"Different people are motivated by different things, like fear, love, or duty. Figure out what motivates you and then focus your energy on those values.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Tell yourself positive affirmations.\", \"描述\": \"Positive affirmations are statements that are almost like self-compliments. These aren't just to boost your confidence; they can actually increase your problem solving skills under stress.\\nThink of your most valued personality traits. Do you consider yourself creative? Intelligent? Talented? Make your positive affirmations revolve around the traits that best describe you as a person.\\nSay to yourself ten times every day: \\\"I am intelligent. I can use my intelligence to achieve my goals. I am creative. I can use my inventiveness as a problem solving tool. I am a gifted individual.\\\"\\nBe sure you say positive affirmations that are realistic and which revolve around you. Don't say things like \\\"I am good at focusing on the task at hand\\\" if you actually struggle with focusing on tasks. This can have a negative effect and may actually lower your esteem. Instead, say things like \\\"I am able to work hard on getting focused,\\\" or future affirmations like \\\"I can get better at being more focused.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Focus on the what you can gain instead of what you might lose.\", \"描述\": \"Obsessing about all the things that can go wrong only increases anxiety and places your focus on what not to do, instead of what to do.\\nThink to yourself, \\\"If I work out regularly, I will look amazing.\\\" You will find yourself optimistic and eager to work out every day. If you constantly think to yourself, \\\"If I don't run today, I'll get fat and won't look attractive,\\\" then you'll be too worried to perform the task properly and it will be preformed rushed and unprofessionally.\\nWorking from a place of doubt and anxiety can cause you to take no action at all. Since you'll be so afraid of screwing up, you may actually not take any action just to be \\\"safe.\\\" Not taking actions will not get you where you need to be.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Remove \\\"I don't feel like it\\\" from your vocabulary.\", \"描述\": \"The idea of only being able to do something when you \\\"feel like it\\\" is toxic to success. Sure, inspiration often strikes us at random times, but don't be reliant on inspiration to get things done.\\nWhen we say to ourselves, \\\"I just can't get out of bed to exercise,\\\" we are really saying, \\\"I just can't get myself to feel like exercising.\\\" Nothing is tying you to your bed, physically keeping you from jogging in the morning. The real hurdle is the idea that motivation only comes from inside, instead of from routine physical efforts.\\nThe most prolific artists and writers are prolific because they became reliant on work routines that forced them to put in a number of hours of work per day, regardless of how uninspired they might have felt.\\nThink of motivation as a verb, not a noun. Motivation is something you have to do consistently, not something you wait around to become.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Use \\\"if-then\\\" planning to think of the things you need to do.\", \"描述\": \"Give yourself specific parameters within which to do a task, otherwise you will constantly find yourself putting the task off until the last minute.\\nDon't say, \\\"I'll get around to writing that English paper later.\\\" Say, If it is 2 p.m., thenI will start writing my English paper. By deciding in advance what you're going to do and when you're going to do it, you won't be tempted to deliberate when the time comes.\\nSince you've already made your decision in advance, at 2 p.m. you'll be less likely to ask yourself, \\\"Do I really have to do this now?\\\" or, \\\"Can this wait until later?\\\"\\nIf-then planning has been shown to increase goal attainment by 200-300 percent on average.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Think of failure as a process of elimination.\", \"描述\": \"Don't think of it as an end result of your efforts, but as a crossed-out method for trying to achieve a goal.\\nWhen Thomas Edison finally created the light bulb, he famously said, \\\"I didn't fail; I just found 2,000 ways not to make a light bulb.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"\", \"描述\": \"Both Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant have set multiple scoring records in basketball. What you might not have known, however, is that both are also all-time leaders for the most missed shots in the NBA. When you try a lot at things, you are naturally going to fail. Don't be afraid of making mistakes or falling short. Failure is only permanent if you stop trying.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Enjoy your successes, but don't dwell on them.\", \"描述\": \"This is known as \\\"resting on your laurels,\\\" and can cause you to become complacent about what you have already achieved rather than focusing on your next achievement.\\nIt is important to enjoy things you have done right, but know that basking in the glow of your achievements can make you less likely to want to chase another goal. Since success is certain, enjoyable, and rewarding, we can often find ourselves back to being afraid of venturing out and possibly failing again.\\nBasking in success is usually most beneficial if you haven't yet set a specific goal. When you are working towards a goal, however, enjoying your success for too long can actually halt your progress and keep you stagnant.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Setting Goals\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Set specific goals in terms that can be measured.\", \"描述\": \"Similar to \\\"If-then\\\" planning, setting physically measurable goals gives your brain a concrete place to begin striving toward.\\nIt is always important to try your best, but \\\"trying your best\\\" isn't the best method of measuring your success. Instead of saying, \\\"I'll try my best to run a mile today,\\\" say, \\\"I will try to run this mile in under ten minutes today.\\\"\\nSince \\\"your best\\\" is a subjective term, you might be more likely to say that you've \\\"done your best\\\" when you find it hard to continue on with a task. For example, when you find yourself getting slightly winded while running, you might say, \\\"Okay, I'm done. That was my best.\\\" Having a specific goal will help push you toward something that you can actually picture in your head.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Create a specific goal achievement strategy.\", \"描述\": \"Now that you've set a specific goal, map out detailed instructions for achieving that goal.\\nFor example, \\\"In order to run this mile in under ten minutes, I'll jog ten laps around the tennis court near my house every day for two weeks. After that, I'll jog 20 laps around the local reservoir, which is much larger.\\\"\\nEven people who set specific goals can end up not achieving them simply because they don't have a concrete plan for doing so. If you don't have a strict plan for reaching your goal, you won't know whether or not you're doing enough to reach it.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Set difficult but realistic goals.\", \"描述\": \"It is reasonable to want to run a mile in under ten minutes if you are healthy and have moderate experience jogging. Trying to run a mile in under ten minutes with asthma or during physical rehabilitation may not be realistic, however.\\nGoals shouldn't be so easy that you don't have to push yourself to achieve them. If you've run a mile in under ten minutes before, try running it under 8:30. Setting goals that you can achieve easily might be great for your confidence, but it won't boost your performance or help you grow as a runner.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"\", \"描述\": \"Your goals should also not be so lofty or difficult that there is no real possibility of achieving them. For example, trying to run a mile in four minutes is feasible for many Olympic track runners, but is probably unreachable by your average jogger. Setting goals that are too difficult can cause you to become frustrated and angry, or it could just make you not take the goal seriously.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Have both short-term and long-term goals.\", \"描述\": \"Setting only long-term goals can cause you to lose sight of them down the road, making you less determined or simply unmotivated. Short-term goals help remind you of why you're doing what you're doing.\\nAchievement boosts your self-confidence by making you feel more competent. Setting up multiple short-term goals and achieving them in succession helps you see immediate improvements in your performance and increases your motivation.\\nFor example, run a mile in under nine minutes this month, and then next month work toward 8:30. Your long term goal might be to run the mile in under seven minutes by the end of the year. Success is more easily achieved when you've built a good momentum.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Plan another goal immediately after you've achieved one.\", \"描述\": \"One notable characteristic of ambitious people is that they don't stop striving to become better.\\nThis strategy is specifically tailored to fighting complacency (as described in the previous section). Setting another goal immediately places your focus on working rather than basking. Though it is important to rest between goals, try to plan another one as soon as possible.\\nAs soon as you run the mile in seven minutes, plan to run a short marathon in the next two months. Take the remaining weeks to rest your legs, but use that time to map out a new strategy for meeting your new goal.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Give yourself a concrete reward every time you meet a goal.\", \"描述\": \"For example, have a T-bone steak every time you run a mile in under seven minutes. Rest and reward are just as crucial to success as hard work and perseverance.\\nStress is healthy in small, steady amounts because it helps focus and stimulate the brain. Having too much stress, however, will cause your performance to drop. This will negatively affect your confidence, which can then affect your momentum, which can ultimately result in you giving up.\\nBeing constantly stressed isn't just bad for your morale, it can severely affect your physical health. Chronic stress can put a strain on your heart and lead to diabetes or asthma. It can also make you more susceptible to catching colds.\\nRewarding yourself is different than basking in your success. Giving rewards is a form of reinforcement and will make you more likely to continue pursuing your goals. You aren't stopping to admire your success, but rather acknowledging your hard work and giving yourself motivation to keep on going.Try and make a goal to say yes more, this may seem simple but it can boost your confidence and inspire you to be more motivated.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Keep organized. It's easiest to keep goals in mind when you're not prevented from getting things done by the mess in your room or the boxes of books you haven't sorted through yet.\\n\", \"Make lists. Tape them to bed frame or on the bathroom wall--wherever you're guaranteed to see them!\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Some people may call you a workaholic. Don't believe them. Keep up with your social life, but keep chasing your dreams, and brush off those mean comments.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,539 | How to Be An International Lawyer | 1. Qualifying for Law School
1-1. Obtain a bachelor's degree.
In order to get into law school, you first need a bachelor's degree (4-year degree) from an accredited college or university. It does not matter what kind of bachelor's degree you get. However, if you want to practice law internationally, then you may want to consider majoring in a foreign language, politics, or international relations.
Make sure the school you choose is accredited. To ensure that the school you choose is accredited, check the U.S. Department of Education's (“DOE”) Database of Accredited Postsecondary Institutions and Programs for a listing.
You do not need to major in “criminal justice” as an undergraduate. In fact, criminal justice majors are admitted to law schools are admitted at a lower rate than those who majored in journalism, philosophy, or economics. Although you will not be penalized for majoring in criminal justice, there is no automatic benefit in law school admissions for having done so.
1-2. Participate in Model United Nations (UN).
If you hope to work for an international organization, such as the UN, you might want to get involved in a Model UN team. The Model UN program provides students with a forum for addressing global concerns. Student teams participate in conferences where they form a simulated general assembly to draft resolutions, negotiate treaties, and resolve conflicts.
This website offers a guide to comparing the best UN programs at colleges and universities.
1-3. Build your foreign language skills.
You should start as soon as possible developing your foreign language skills. The more languages you are fluent in, the more likely you are to be hired by an international organization. If you want to work for the United Nations, then you will need fluency in two or more of the official languages.
The six official languages of the UN are Arabic, Chinese, English, French, Russian, and Spanish.
You should aim for fluency in speech but also in writing and reading.
1-4. Study abroad.
International organizations look to a variety of factors when hiring someone, and experience working and living abroad is one of the most important. Accordingly, you will make yourself a more attractive candidate if you get as much international experience as you can while in college.
Studying abroad will also help you increase your fluency in foreign languages, which is also an important characteristic employers look for in international lawyers.
1-5. Keep your grades up.
Not everyone gets into law school. To increase your chances of getting in, keep your grades up. You want to graduate with at least a 3.0, but of course, a 3.5 or 4.0 would be even better. Admissions committees view a high GPA as an indicator that you are a hard worker who is self-motivated.
The higher your undergraduate GPA, the more selective you can be about what schools to apply to. Even if you do not care about the rank of the law school you attend, a higher GPA makes scholarships easier to get.
1-6. Build relationships with professors.
When you apply to law school, you will need to submit letters of recommendation. Make the most of your four years in college by building relationships with professors who can write you strong recommendations.
A great way to build relationships with faculty is to work as a research or teaching assistant.
1-7. Study for the Law School Admissions Test (LSAT).
The LSAT is by far the most important part of your application, and you will need a score around the 50 percentile in order to get into an accredited law school.
Because of the recent decline in law school applicants, law schools are giving away more scholarships than ever before. A high LSAT will help you qualify for free money from your law school of choice.
1-8. Register for the test.
The LSAT is offered four times a year, in June, September, December, and February. It is offered on Saturdays, but there are special sessions for those who observe a Saturday Sabbath.
Create a free account at the Law School Admission Counsel's (“LSAC”) website.
Find a test date and location. To do this, start on LSAC's Law School Admission Counsel's website Dates and Deadlines page.
1-9. Study for the test.
The LSAT may be the most important factor in your law school application, so take it seriously. It tests reading comprehension, analytical reasoning, and logical reasoning. Test prep companies offer tutoring, but you can also study on your own.
Your local library or bookstore should have copies of old LSAT exams. Find the most recent to take as practice exams.
1-10. Take the test.
The LSAT has five multiple choice sections and one unscored essay. Four of the five multiple choice sections count toward your score. The fifth is experimental and does not count toward your score. Unfortunately, you will not know in advance which section is experimental.
Follow the rules for test day very carefully. If you fail to follow any of the test day rules, you may not be allowed to take the test.
1-11. Retake if your score is low.
Applicants are allowed to take the exam more than once. Schools may choose to accept your higher score, or they may choose to average the two. If you take the LSAT twice but your score doesn't improve, you should reconsider before taking it a third time.
On average, test takers are able to increase their score only two to three points on a re-take.
2. Preparing to Apply to Law School
2-1. Decide if being an international law attorney is really for you.
International law is a highly-competitive field. Attorneys who practice in this area often work for international organizations, such as the United Nations or the World Bank. Alternately, international lawyers can work for large firms on cross-border deals involving corporations in different countries. These kind of jobs are difficult to get. Even if you graduate law school and pass the bar, you very well might not be able to get one of these jobs.
Competition to get a job with an international non-governmental organization (NGO) will be fierce. There are very few international human rights jobs, period. In fact, breaking into this field is extremely challenging.
Furthermore, most cross-border deals are done by large law firms, which are the most selective. You are expected to be near the top of your class and to have graduated from a selective law school in order to be hired at international law firms.
Against your job prospects you also should weigh how you will finance your legal education. The cost of a legal education has exploded in the past decade. Students routinely pay over $30,000 a year in tuition alone, which does not include additional costs for living expenses. If you are not careful, you could graduate law school $200,000 in debt.
2-2. Register with the Credential Assembly Service (CAS).
CAS is used by all law schools. You send them your transcripts, letters of recommendation, and evaluation; they create a packet and send it to the law school. The service requires a fee.
Register early and make sure to get your transcripts to CAS in a timely manner.
2-3. Solicit letters of recommendation.
Now is the time to draw on the relationships you have built up with faculty during your undergraduate career. Ask your professors if they can write you a strong letter of recommendation. Only follow through if that professor says “yes.”
If you didn't build strong relationships with faculty, don't despair. You can also ask for recommendations from present and past employers, as well as from people associated with church or volunteer organizations.
Some recommenders may need to be prompted to complete the letter. Send a friendly email reminder, or stop in to chat.
2-4. Draft a personal statement.
Law schools require that you write a short statement, typically on a topic of your choosing. The statement is usually only 500 words.
Follow the directions. If the school wants you to write on a specific topic, write on that topic. Also, if they give you a word limit, stick to the limit. Going over, by even a few words, can harm your chances of admission.
Feel free to write about your interest in international law. You may want to write about your experience studying abroad. Whatever you write about, make sure that it is fresh, engaging, and memorable.
You also should feel free to write about any subject that you want. You do not have to explain why you want to be a lawyer (unless the prompt specifies that you should write about that subject).
2-5. Think about writing an addendum.
An addendum can be a great way to explain something that looks bad in your application. A solid addendum will provide context for any information that might raise “red flags.”
Red flags include criminal convictions, punishment for cheating or plagiarism, or semesters with very low grades.
An addendum might also clarify why one LSAT score is much higher than another. Remember to explain in your addendum, not make excuses.
3. Choosing a Law School
3-1. Aim for the highest-ranked schools that you can.
Because international law jobs are scarce, you need to be admitted into the highest-ranked law school that you can. Get the most recent rankings from U.S. News & World Report. The rankings will include the median LSAT and GPA of the first-year student body.
If you can't distinguish the differences in schools, then you should meet with your school's pre-law advisor who can help you distinguish between law schools with national (and international) reach and those schools with more regional name recognition.
To get international law jobs, you should strive to attend a school with a national reputation.
3-2. Compare costs.
As you compare law schools, you should always have costs in the forefront of your mind. You might assume that public schools are always cheaper than private schools, but that is not always the case. The tuition for out-of-state law students is often comparable to the tuition of a private school.
If you want to move to a state and hope to qualify as an in-state resident, contact the law school's admissions office for information.
3-3. Research clinical opportunities.
Some law schools have international human rights clinics or their equivalent. In these clinics, students work under the supervision of a faculty member to provide legal services to foreign nationals or to those persecuted in foreign nations. Also, students can do research and work on policy proposals affecting international relations.
At Northwestern University Law School's Center for International Human Rights, students have visited foreign countries such as Malawi, Rwanda, and Uganda to interview prisoners and work on freeing them. Also, students participate in briefing cases brought under the Alien Tort Statute or in international criminal courts.
3-4. Study schools.
As you narrow your list of schools, you should compare them according to relevant criteria:
Curriculum. The basic curriculum for first year students is pretty much the same at any law school, but after the first year, the classes available might be very different. Look for a curriculum with electives in international comparative law and in human rights law.
Joint degrees with foreign universities. Some schools offer joint degrees with foreign universities. For example, Columbia University offers a four-year J.D./Master in French Law program with the University of Paris. Students in the program complete foundation courses at Columbia and then take French civil and European law while in Paris.
Job placement with international organizations. Given how difficult it is to get a job in international law, you need to make sure that the law school you attend actually places graduates with international organizations or large firms that do cross-border work. Accordingly, you should contact law schools and ask for detailed information on their job placement.
3-5. Use your GPA and LSAT score to find appropriate schools.
These are the two most important factors in law school admissions, and schools will rely on them heavily. Because application fees can be expensive (sometimes close to $100), you will want to be selective about which schools you apply to. Look for schools where your GPA and LSAT fall near the school's medians.
You can gauge your likelihood of gaining admission to specific schools by using the LSAC calculator. Enter your undergraduate GPA and LSAC score to see your chances.
If you have a 4.0 GPA and a 170 LSAT, then you have a 75% chance of getting into Georgetown and a 45% chance of getting into Harvard.
If you have a 3.6 GPA and a 160 LSAT, then you have a 10% chance of getting into Georgetown and an 85% chance of getting into the University of Maryland.
3-6. Apply to multiple law schools.
Applying to more than one school increases your chances of being accepted. If you don't get into any school, then you will have to wait a year before applying.
For some great tips on completing law school applications see the University of New Mexico's Tips on How to Make your Application as Competitive as Possible.
4. Earning a Law Degree
4-1. Take required courses.
Law schools generally require 90 credits or so, spread out over 3 years. Your first year will consist mostly of basic courses: torts, contracts, property, civil procedure, criminal law, and constitutional law.
You should strive to finish near the top of your class. Grades are important in the legal profession, especially when you are starting out on your career. If you finish too low in your class you could take yourself out of the running for job opportunities with international organizations or with large law firms.
Visit your career services office and ask what firms come onto your campus to interview. Career Services should also have information on the GPA required to be hired by these larger firms. Gathering this information can give you some idea of how well you need to do in your studies.
4-2. Join a study group.
Law school is stressful and isolating, and a study group is a great way to meet people. Study groups help with exam preparation, sharing notes and outlines, as well as just blowing off some steam.
If you join a study group, stick with it. No one likes people who join a group only to drop out after a month.
4-3. Take exams seriously.
Before you can become a lawyer, you have to pass law school. Your grades will also follow you around your entire career. Though the importance of grades decreases over time, poor grades could keep you locked out of jobs, at least initially.
4-4. Take appropriate electives.
Many law schools allow students to begin taking electives beginning with their second semester. As a future international lawyer, you should seek out courses in international comparative law, as well as human rights law.
4-5. Look for internships.
Government agencies and NGOs often offer internships. Visit the website for International Organization Careers for information on internship opportunities.
Many internships may be appropriate only for the summer, especially if you attend law school outside New York City, Washington, D.C., or another very-large city. However, you should begin researching internship opportunities as soon as possible, so you can learn about what credentials the organizations are looking for.
4-6. Work as a summer associate for an international organization.
During law school, you will have two summers to work legal jobs, after your 1L year and after your 2L year. You can plan on working for an international organization during one or both of your summers.
Some students also try to work for a law firm during their 2L summer. If you want to work at a large law firm after graduation, then it is standard to work for the firm during your 2L summer. If the firm likes you, they will extend an offer before the start of your 3L year.
4-7. Join the International Law Students Association (ILSA).
The ILSA is an umbrella organization for student associations at various law schools around the country. It helps to educate students on international law and employment opportunities. Although many schools have individual chapters, students can join as individual members if their school has no chapter.
The ILSA also runs the Jessup International Law Moot Court Competition. Law schools field teams that compete against each other in an appellate advocacy competition where teams draft and argue briefs concerning an issue of public international law.
Jessup is open to law schools all over the world.
4-8. Pass the MPRE.
The Multistate Professional Responsibility Examination is required to practice in all but three jurisdictions in the United States. The exam has 60 questions and tests your knowledge of legal ethics. You will take the exam in your third year of law school.
5. Obtaining Your Law License
5-1. Apply for admittance to a state bar.
Each state admits its own lawyers and administers its own bar exam, so check with the bar of the state where you wish to practice. They will provide you with a list of the necessary steps to take.
5-2. Register for the bar exam.
Nearly every state requires that you pass a written exam. The exam typically includes an essay portion as well as a multiple choice test.
The bar exam is typically offered twice a year—once during the summer (June or July) and once the winter (usually February). If you have to take the bar exam over, you have to pay each time you take it.
5-3. Prepare for the bar exam.
Prep courses abound. They typically last several months and prepare you for both the essay and multiple choice portions of the bar exam. Costs can run up to several thousand dollars.
If costs are a concern, then you can seek out old study guides published by bar prep companies. Many people sell old guides on eBay and other online retailers.
5-4. Fill out the background survey.
In addition to passing the bar exam, you also need to pass a character and fitness review. This requires filling out a detailed survey on your background.
Common problems with character and fitness include criminal convictions, financial irresponsibility (such as bankruptcy), and accusations of plagiarism. These may not completely block you from admission, but be prepared to discuss them with the character and fitness committee.
Always be honest when filling out the background survey. Often the attempt to hide something is worse than the offense in the first place.
5-5. Take the bar examination.
The bar exam is typically held over the course of 2 days. The first day consists of a multiple-choice exam covering topics such as contracts, constitutional law, criminal law, evidence, and torts. The second day, consisting of essays, is often state-specific.
Expect to wait several months to receive your score. In Illinois, for example, those who take the exam in July will not receive their results until the first two weeks of October.
6. Starting as an International Lawyer
6-1. Participate in On Campus Interviews (OCI).
The largest law firms that hire graduates from your law school will likely come onto campus to interview for summer associates. If you want to work for a large firm, then you should register for OCI, which will take place just before the start of your 2L year (or in the early fall). If you are offered a job, you will work as a summer associate during your 2L summer.
Your career services office will send out detailed requirements for participating in OCI, such as preparing a resume and ordering copies of your transcript. Be sure to follow all policies to the letter, otherwise you could be prohibited from participating in interviews.
6-2. Apply for a fellowship.
You can begin your career by applying for a post-graduate fellowship. Fellowships provide a stipend for one or two years of employment with various organizations.
6-3. Apply for an entry-level job with an NGO.
Entry-level recruitment is competitive and not widely advertised. You should ask your Career Services office for information on how to find these jobs and how to approach NGOs that interest you about potential job opportunities.
The UN Volunteer program hires new attorneys and pays them a stipend. Employees assist with peacekeeping missions in developing countries.
The UN Secretariat occasionally hires Americans for its Legal Affairs and Human Rights divisions. You have to sit for the Competitive Recruitment Exam.
6-4. Get a first job.
Even if international law is your dream, you might need to take another legal job simply to pay the bills. In your spare time, you can work on international law issues by volunteering with an international organization or doing pro bono immigration work.
Pro bono immigration work can help put your foreign-language skills to use and allow you help non-Americans build the lives that they want.
6-5. Stay connected to the legal community.
As your career advances, be sure to continue to raise your profile by offering continuing legal education courses and joining bar association committees. Some states also run separate International Law sections, which you can join to help with networking.
Tips
International law is one of the hardest fields to break into. If you do not think that you have a realistic chance of getting a job in the field, then you might not want to attend law school unless you are comfortable practicing in other areas of law, such as real estate, criminal defense, or family law.
Give more attention to employment statistics than to whether a school offers “certificates,” “specialties” or clinics in international law. Schools can give the impression that they are international law powerhouses when, in fact, they place few students in international organizations.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:18",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Qualifying for Law School\\n1-1. Obtain a bachelor's degree.\\nIn order to get into law school, you first need a bachelor's degree (4-year degree) from an accredited college or university. It does not matter what kind of bachelor's degree you get. However, if you want to practice law internationally, then you may want to consider majoring in a foreign language, politics, or international relations.\\nMake sure the school you choose is accredited. To ensure that the school you choose is accredited, check the U.S. Department of Education's (“DOE”) Database of Accredited Postsecondary Institutions and Programs for a listing.\\nYou do not need to major in “criminal justice” as an undergraduate. In fact, criminal justice majors are admitted to law schools are admitted at a lower rate than those who majored in journalism, philosophy, or economics. Although you will not be penalized for majoring in criminal justice, there is no automatic benefit in law school admissions for having done so.\\n1-2. Participate in Model United Nations (UN).\\nIf you hope to work for an international organization, such as the UN, you might want to get involved in a Model UN team. The Model UN program provides students with a forum for addressing global concerns. Student teams participate in conferences where they form a simulated general assembly to draft resolutions, negotiate treaties, and resolve conflicts.\\nThis website offers a guide to comparing the best UN programs at colleges and universities.\\n1-3. Build your foreign language skills.\\nYou should start as soon as possible developing your foreign language skills. The more languages you are fluent in, the more likely you are to be hired by an international organization. If you want to work for the United Nations, then you will need fluency in two or more of the official languages.\\nThe six official languages of the UN are Arabic, Chinese, English, French, Russian, and Spanish.\\nYou should aim for fluency in speech but also in writing and reading.\\n1-4. Study abroad.\\nInternational organizations look to a variety of factors when hiring someone, and experience working and living abroad is one of the most important. Accordingly, you will make yourself a more attractive candidate if you get as much international experience as you can while in college.\\nStudying abroad will also help you increase your fluency in foreign languages, which is also an important characteristic employers look for in international lawyers.\\n1-5. Keep your grades up.\\nNot everyone gets into law school. To increase your chances of getting in, keep your grades up. You want to graduate with at least a 3.0, but of course, a 3.5 or 4.0 would be even better. Admissions committees view a high GPA as an indicator that you are a hard worker who is self-motivated.\\nThe higher your undergraduate GPA, the more selective you can be about what schools to apply to. Even if you do not care about the rank of the law school you attend, a higher GPA makes scholarships easier to get.\\n1-6. Build relationships with professors.\\nWhen you apply to law school, you will need to submit letters of recommendation. Make the most of your four years in college by building relationships with professors who can write you strong recommendations.\\nA great way to build relationships with faculty is to work as a research or teaching assistant.\\n1-7. Study for the Law School Admissions Test (LSAT).\\nThe LSAT is by far the most important part of your application, and you will need a score around the 50 percentile in order to get into an accredited law school.\\nBecause of the recent decline in law school applicants, law schools are giving away more scholarships than ever before. A high LSAT will help you qualify for free money from your law school of choice.\\n1-8. Register for the test.\\nThe LSAT is offered four times a year, in June, September, December, and February. It is offered on Saturdays, but there are special sessions for those who observe a Saturday Sabbath.\\n\\nCreate a free account at the Law School Admission Counsel's (“LSAC”) website.\\nFind a test date and location. To do this, start on LSAC's Law School Admission Counsel's website Dates and Deadlines page.\\n1-9. Study for the test.\\nThe LSAT may be the most important factor in your law school application, so take it seriously. It tests reading comprehension, analytical reasoning, and logical reasoning. Test prep companies offer tutoring, but you can also study on your own.\\nYour local library or bookstore should have copies of old LSAT exams. Find the most recent to take as practice exams.\\n1-10. Take the test.\\nThe LSAT has five multiple choice sections and one unscored essay. Four of the five multiple choice sections count toward your score. The fifth is experimental and does not count toward your score. Unfortunately, you will not know in advance which section is experimental.\\nFollow the rules for test day very carefully. If you fail to follow any of the test day rules, you may not be allowed to take the test.\\n1-11. Retake if your score is low.\\nApplicants are allowed to take the exam more than once. Schools may choose to accept your higher score, or they may choose to average the two. If you take the LSAT twice but your score doesn't improve, you should reconsider before taking it a third time.\\nOn average, test takers are able to increase their score only two to three points on a re-take.\\n2. Preparing to Apply to Law School\\n2-1. Decide if being an international law attorney is really for you.\\nInternational law is a highly-competitive field. Attorneys who practice in this area often work for international organizations, such as the United Nations or the World Bank. Alternately, international lawyers can work for large firms on cross-border deals involving corporations in different countries. These kind of jobs are difficult to get. Even if you graduate law school and pass the bar, you very well might not be able to get one of these jobs.\\nCompetition to get a job with an international non-governmental organization (NGO) will be fierce. There are very few international human rights jobs, period. In fact, breaking into this field is extremely challenging.\\nFurthermore, most cross-border deals are done by large law firms, which are the most selective. You are expected to be near the top of your class and to have graduated from a selective law school in order to be hired at international law firms.\\nAgainst your job prospects you also should weigh how you will finance your legal education. The cost of a legal education has exploded in the past decade. Students routinely pay over $30,000 a year in tuition alone, which does not include additional costs for living expenses. If you are not careful, you could graduate law school $200,000 in debt.\\n2-2. Register with the Credential Assembly Service (CAS).\\nCAS is used by all law schools. You send them your transcripts, letters of recommendation, and evaluation; they create a packet and send it to the law school. The service requires a fee.\\nRegister early and make sure to get your transcripts to CAS in a timely manner.\\n2-3. Solicit letters of recommendation.\\nNow is the time to draw on the relationships you have built up with faculty during your undergraduate career. Ask your professors if they can write you a strong letter of recommendation. Only follow through if that professor says “yes.”\\nIf you didn't build strong relationships with faculty, don't despair. You can also ask for recommendations from present and past employers, as well as from people associated with church or volunteer organizations.\\nSome recommenders may need to be prompted to complete the letter. Send a friendly email reminder, or stop in to chat.\\n2-4. Draft a personal statement.\\nLaw schools require that you write a short statement, typically on a topic of your choosing. The statement is usually only 500 words.\\nFollow the directions. If the school wants you to write on a specific topic, write on that topic. Also, if they give you a word limit, stick to the limit. Going over, by even a few words, can harm your chances of admission.\\nFeel free to write about your interest in international law. You may want to write about your experience studying abroad. Whatever you write about, make sure that it is fresh, engaging, and memorable.\\nYou also should feel free to write about any subject that you want. You do not have to explain why you want to be a lawyer (unless the prompt specifies that you should write about that subject).\\n2-5. Think about writing an addendum.\\nAn addendum can be a great way to explain something that looks bad in your application. A solid addendum will provide context for any information that might raise “red flags.”\\nRed flags include criminal convictions, punishment for cheating or plagiarism, or semesters with very low grades.\\nAn addendum might also clarify why one LSAT score is much higher than another. Remember to explain in your addendum, not make excuses.\\n3. Choosing a Law School\\n3-1. Aim for the highest-ranked schools that you can.\\nBecause international law jobs are scarce, you need to be admitted into the highest-ranked law school that you can. Get the most recent rankings from U.S. News & World Report. The rankings will include the median LSAT and GPA of the first-year student body.\\nIf you can't distinguish the differences in schools, then you should meet with your school's pre-law advisor who can help you distinguish between law schools with national (and international) reach and those schools with more regional name recognition.\\nTo get international law jobs, you should strive to attend a school with a national reputation.\\n3-2. Compare costs.\\nAs you compare law schools, you should always have costs in the forefront of your mind. You might assume that public schools are always cheaper than private schools, but that is not always the case. The tuition for out-of-state law students is often comparable to the tuition of a private school.\\nIf you want to move to a state and hope to qualify as an in-state resident, contact the law school's admissions office for information.\\n3-3. Research clinical opportunities.\\nSome law schools have international human rights clinics or their equivalent. In these clinics, students work under the supervision of a faculty member to provide legal services to foreign nationals or to those persecuted in foreign nations. Also, students can do research and work on policy proposals affecting international relations.\\nAt Northwestern University Law School's Center for International Human Rights, students have visited foreign countries such as Malawi, Rwanda, and Uganda to interview prisoners and work on freeing them. Also, students participate in briefing cases brought under the Alien Tort Statute or in international criminal courts.\\n3-4. Study schools.\\nAs you narrow your list of schools, you should compare them according to relevant criteria:\\n\\nCurriculum. The basic curriculum for first year students is pretty much the same at any law school, but after the first year, the classes available might be very different. Look for a curriculum with electives in international comparative law and in human rights law.\\nJoint degrees with foreign universities. Some schools offer joint degrees with foreign universities. For example, Columbia University offers a four-year J.D./Master in French Law program with the University of Paris. Students in the program complete foundation courses at Columbia and then take French civil and European law while in Paris.\\nJob placement with international organizations. Given how difficult it is to get a job in international law, you need to make sure that the law school you attend actually places graduates with international organizations or large firms that do cross-border work. Accordingly, you should contact law schools and ask for detailed information on their job placement.\\n3-5. Use your GPA and LSAT score to find appropriate schools.\\nThese are the two most important factors in law school admissions, and schools will rely on them heavily. Because application fees can be expensive (sometimes close to $100), you will want to be selective about which schools you apply to. Look for schools where your GPA and LSAT fall near the school's medians.\\nYou can gauge your likelihood of gaining admission to specific schools by using the LSAC calculator. Enter your undergraduate GPA and LSAC score to see your chances.\\nIf you have a 4.0 GPA and a 170 LSAT, then you have a 75% chance of getting into Georgetown and a 45% chance of getting into Harvard.\\nIf you have a 3.6 GPA and a 160 LSAT, then you have a 10% chance of getting into Georgetown and an 85% chance of getting into the University of Maryland.\\n3-6. Apply to multiple law schools.\\nApplying to more than one school increases your chances of being accepted. If you don't get into any school, then you will have to wait a year before applying.\\nFor some great tips on completing law school applications see the University of New Mexico's Tips on How to Make your Application as Competitive as Possible.\\n4. Earning a Law Degree\\n4-1. Take required courses.\\nLaw schools generally require 90 credits or so, spread out over 3 years. Your first year will consist mostly of basic courses: torts, contracts, property, civil procedure, criminal law, and constitutional law.\\nYou should strive to finish near the top of your class. Grades are important in the legal profession, especially when you are starting out on your career. If you finish too low in your class you could take yourself out of the running for job opportunities with international organizations or with large law firms.\\nVisit your career services office and ask what firms come onto your campus to interview. Career Services should also have information on the GPA required to be hired by these larger firms. Gathering this information can give you some idea of how well you need to do in your studies.\\n4-2. Join a study group.\\nLaw school is stressful and isolating, and a study group is a great way to meet people. Study groups help with exam preparation, sharing notes and outlines, as well as just blowing off some steam.\\nIf you join a study group, stick with it. No one likes people who join a group only to drop out after a month.\\n4-3. Take exams seriously.\\nBefore you can become a lawyer, you have to pass law school. Your grades will also follow you around your entire career. Though the importance of grades decreases over time, poor grades could keep you locked out of jobs, at least initially.\\n4-4. Take appropriate electives.\\nMany law schools allow students to begin taking electives beginning with their second semester. As a future international lawyer, you should seek out courses in international comparative law, as well as human rights law.\\n4-5. Look for internships.\\nGovernment agencies and NGOs often offer internships. Visit the website for International Organization Careers for information on internship opportunities.\\nMany internships may be appropriate only for the summer, especially if you attend law school outside New York City, Washington, D.C., or another very-large city. However, you should begin researching internship opportunities as soon as possible, so you can learn about what credentials the organizations are looking for.\\n4-6. Work as a summer associate for an international organization.\\nDuring law school, you will have two summers to work legal jobs, after your 1L year and after your 2L year. You can plan on working for an international organization during one or both of your summers.\\nSome students also try to work for a law firm during their 2L summer. If you want to work at a large law firm after graduation, then it is standard to work for the firm during your 2L summer. If the firm likes you, they will extend an offer before the start of your 3L year.\\n4-7. Join the International Law Students Association (ILSA).\\nThe ILSA is an umbrella organization for student associations at various law schools around the country. It helps to educate students on international law and employment opportunities. Although many schools have individual chapters, students can join as individual members if their school has no chapter.\\nThe ILSA also runs the Jessup International Law Moot Court Competition. Law schools field teams that compete against each other in an appellate advocacy competition where teams draft and argue briefs concerning an issue of public international law.\\nJessup is open to law schools all over the world.\\n4-8. Pass the MPRE.\\nThe Multistate Professional Responsibility Examination is required to practice in all but three jurisdictions in the United States. The exam has 60 questions and tests your knowledge of legal ethics. You will take the exam in your third year of law school.\\n5. Obtaining Your Law License\\n5-1. Apply for admittance to a state bar.\\nEach state admits its own lawyers and administers its own bar exam, so check with the bar of the state where you wish to practice. They will provide you with a list of the necessary steps to take.\\n5-2. Register for the bar exam.\\nNearly every state requires that you pass a written exam. The exam typically includes an essay portion as well as a multiple choice test.\\nThe bar exam is typically offered twice a year—once during the summer (June or July) and once the winter (usually February). If you have to take the bar exam over, you have to pay each time you take it.\\n5-3. Prepare for the bar exam.\\nPrep courses abound. They typically last several months and prepare you for both the essay and multiple choice portions of the bar exam. Costs can run up to several thousand dollars.\\nIf costs are a concern, then you can seek out old study guides published by bar prep companies. Many people sell old guides on eBay and other online retailers.\\n5-4. Fill out the background survey.\\nIn addition to passing the bar exam, you also need to pass a character and fitness review. This requires filling out a detailed survey on your background.\\nCommon problems with character and fitness include criminal convictions, financial irresponsibility (such as bankruptcy), and accusations of plagiarism. These may not completely block you from admission, but be prepared to discuss them with the character and fitness committee.\\nAlways be honest when filling out the background survey. Often the attempt to hide something is worse than the offense in the first place.\\n5-5. Take the bar examination.\\nThe bar exam is typically held over the course of 2 days. The first day consists of a multiple-choice exam covering topics such as contracts, constitutional law, criminal law, evidence, and torts. The second day, consisting of essays, is often state-specific.\\nExpect to wait several months to receive your score. In Illinois, for example, those who take the exam in July will not receive their results until the first two weeks of October.\\n6. Starting as an International Lawyer\\n6-1. Participate in On Campus Interviews (OCI).\\nThe largest law firms that hire graduates from your law school will likely come onto campus to interview for summer associates. If you want to work for a large firm, then you should register for OCI, which will take place just before the start of your 2L year (or in the early fall). If you are offered a job, you will work as a summer associate during your 2L summer.\\nYour career services office will send out detailed requirements for participating in OCI, such as preparing a resume and ordering copies of your transcript. Be sure to follow all policies to the letter, otherwise you could be prohibited from participating in interviews.\\n6-2. Apply for a fellowship.\\nYou can begin your career by applying for a post-graduate fellowship. Fellowships provide a stipend for one or two years of employment with various organizations.\\n6-3. Apply for an entry-level job with an NGO.\\nEntry-level recruitment is competitive and not widely advertised. You should ask your Career Services office for information on how to find these jobs and how to approach NGOs that interest you about potential job opportunities.\\nThe UN Volunteer program hires new attorneys and pays them a stipend. Employees assist with peacekeeping missions in developing countries.\\nThe UN Secretariat occasionally hires Americans for its Legal Affairs and Human Rights divisions. You have to sit for the Competitive Recruitment Exam.\\n6-4. Get a first job.\\nEven if international law is your dream, you might need to take another legal job simply to pay the bills. In your spare time, you can work on international law issues by volunteering with an international organization or doing pro bono immigration work.\\nPro bono immigration work can help put your foreign-language skills to use and allow you help non-Americans build the lives that they want.\\n6-5. Stay connected to the legal community.\\nAs your career advances, be sure to continue to raise your profile by offering continuing legal education courses and joining bar association committees. Some states also run separate International Law sections, which you can join to help with networking.\\nTips\\nInternational law is one of the hardest fields to break into. If you do not think that you have a realistic chance of getting a job in the field, then you might not want to attend law school unless you are comfortable practicing in other areas of law, such as real estate, criminal defense, or family law.\\nGive more attention to employment statistics than to whether a school offers “certificates,” “specialties” or clinics in international law. Schools can give the impression that they are international law powerhouses when, in fact, they place few students in international organizations.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"International lawyers focus on laws presiding over the relations between countries. Areas of specialization for international lawyers include treaties, maritime, drug control, human rights, and trade law. “International law” also encompasses “trans-national” law, in which you help entities (like corporations) do deals across borders. International law is a highly-competitive field, and you should think carefully before investing the time and resources necessary to becoming an international lawyer.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Qualifying for Law School\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Obtain a bachelor's degree.\", \"描述\": \"In order to get into law school, you first need a bachelor's degree (4-year degree) from an accredited college or university. It does not matter what kind of bachelor's degree you get. However, if you want to practice law internationally, then you may want to consider majoring in a foreign language, politics, or international relations.\\nMake sure the school you choose is accredited. To ensure that the school you choose is accredited, check the U.S. Department of Education's (“DOE”) Database of Accredited Postsecondary Institutions and Programs for a listing.\\nYou do not need to major in “criminal justice” as an undergraduate. In fact, criminal justice majors are admitted to law schools are admitted at a lower rate than those who majored in journalism, philosophy, or economics. Although you will not be penalized for majoring in criminal justice, there is no automatic benefit in law school admissions for having done so.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Participate in Model United Nations (UN).\", \"描述\": \"If you hope to work for an international organization, such as the UN, you might want to get involved in a Model UN team. The Model UN program provides students with a forum for addressing global concerns. Student teams participate in conferences where they form a simulated general assembly to draft resolutions, negotiate treaties, and resolve conflicts.\\nThis website offers a guide to comparing the best UN programs at colleges and universities.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Build your foreign language skills.\", \"描述\": \"You should start as soon as possible developing your foreign language skills. The more languages you are fluent in, the more likely you are to be hired by an international organization. If you want to work for the United Nations, then you will need fluency in two or more of the official languages.\\nThe six official languages of the UN are Arabic, Chinese, English, French, Russian, and Spanish.\\nYou should aim for fluency in speech but also in writing and reading.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Study abroad.\", \"描述\": \"International organizations look to a variety of factors when hiring someone, and experience working and living abroad is one of the most important. Accordingly, you will make yourself a more attractive candidate if you get as much international experience as you can while in college.\\nStudying abroad will also help you increase your fluency in foreign languages, which is also an important characteristic employers look for in international lawyers.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Keep your grades up.\", \"描述\": \"Not everyone gets into law school. To increase your chances of getting in, keep your grades up. You want to graduate with at least a 3.0, but of course, a 3.5 or 4.0 would be even better. Admissions committees view a high GPA as an indicator that you are a hard worker who is self-motivated.\\nThe higher your undergraduate GPA, the more selective you can be about what schools to apply to. Even if you do not care about the rank of the law school you attend, a higher GPA makes scholarships easier to get.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Build relationships with professors.\", \"描述\": \"When you apply to law school, you will need to submit letters of recommendation. Make the most of your four years in college by building relationships with professors who can write you strong recommendations.\\nA great way to build relationships with faculty is to work as a research or teaching assistant.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Study for the Law School Admissions Test (LSAT).\", \"描述\": \"The LSAT is by far the most important part of your application, and you will need a score around the 50 percentile in order to get into an accredited law school.\\nBecause of the recent decline in law school applicants, law schools are giving away more scholarships than ever before. A high LSAT will help you qualify for free money from your law school of choice.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Register for the test.\", \"描述\": \"The LSAT is offered four times a year, in June, September, December, and February. It is offered on Saturdays, but there are special sessions for those who observe a Saturday Sabbath.\\n\\nCreate a free account at the Law School Admission Counsel's (“LSAC”) website.\\nFind a test date and location. To do this, start on LSAC's Law School Admission Counsel's website Dates and Deadlines page.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Study for the test.\", \"描述\": \"The LSAT may be the most important factor in your law school application, so take it seriously. It tests reading comprehension, analytical reasoning, and logical reasoning. Test prep companies offer tutoring, but you can also study on your own.\\nYour local library or bookstore should have copies of old LSAT exams. Find the most recent to take as practice exams.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Take the test.\", \"描述\": \"The LSAT has five multiple choice sections and one unscored essay. Four of the five multiple choice sections count toward your score. The fifth is experimental and does not count toward your score. Unfortunately, you will not know in advance which section is experimental.\\nFollow the rules for test day very carefully. If you fail to follow any of the test day rules, you may not be allowed to take the test.\"}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Retake if your score is low.\", \"描述\": \"Applicants are allowed to take the exam more than once. Schools may choose to accept your higher score, or they may choose to average the two. If you take the LSAT twice but your score doesn't improve, you should reconsider before taking it a third time.\\nOn average, test takers are able to increase their score only two to three points on a re-take.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Preparing to Apply to Law School\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Decide if being an international law attorney is really for you.\", \"描述\": \"International law is a highly-competitive field. Attorneys who practice in this area often work for international organizations, such as the United Nations or the World Bank. Alternately, international lawyers can work for large firms on cross-border deals involving corporations in different countries. These kind of jobs are difficult to get. Even if you graduate law school and pass the bar, you very well might not be able to get one of these jobs.\\nCompetition to get a job with an international non-governmental organization (NGO) will be fierce. There are very few international human rights jobs, period. In fact, breaking into this field is extremely challenging.\\nFurthermore, most cross-border deals are done by large law firms, which are the most selective. You are expected to be near the top of your class and to have graduated from a selective law school in order to be hired at international law firms.\\nAgainst your job prospects you also should weigh how you will finance your legal education. The cost of a legal education has exploded in the past decade. Students routinely pay over $30,000 a year in tuition alone, which does not include additional costs for living expenses. If you are not careful, you could graduate law school $200,000 in debt.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Register with the Credential Assembly Service (CAS).\", \"描述\": \"CAS is used by all law schools. You send them your transcripts, letters of recommendation, and evaluation; they create a packet and send it to the law school. The service requires a fee.\\nRegister early and make sure to get your transcripts to CAS in a timely manner.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Solicit letters of recommendation.\", \"描述\": \"Now is the time to draw on the relationships you have built up with faculty during your undergraduate career. Ask your professors if they can write you a strong letter of recommendation. Only follow through if that professor says “yes.”\\nIf you didn't build strong relationships with faculty, don't despair. You can also ask for recommendations from present and past employers, as well as from people associated with church or volunteer organizations.\\nSome recommenders may need to be prompted to complete the letter. Send a friendly email reminder, or stop in to chat.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Draft a personal statement.\", \"描述\": \"Law schools require that you write a short statement, typically on a topic of your choosing. The statement is usually only 500 words.\\nFollow the directions. If the school wants you to write on a specific topic, write on that topic. Also, if they give you a word limit, stick to the limit. Going over, by even a few words, can harm your chances of admission.\\nFeel free to write about your interest in international law. You may want to write about your experience studying abroad. Whatever you write about, make sure that it is fresh, engaging, and memorable.\\nYou also should feel free to write about any subject that you want. You do not have to explain why you want to be a lawyer (unless the prompt specifies that you should write about that subject).\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Think about writing an addendum.\", \"描述\": \"An addendum can be a great way to explain something that looks bad in your application. A solid addendum will provide context for any information that might raise “red flags.”\\nRed flags include criminal convictions, punishment for cheating or plagiarism, or semesters with very low grades.\\nAn addendum might also clarify why one LSAT score is much higher than another. Remember to explain in your addendum, not make excuses.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Choosing a Law School\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Aim for the highest-ranked schools that you can.\", \"描述\": \"Because international law jobs are scarce, you need to be admitted into the highest-ranked law school that you can. Get the most recent rankings from U.S. News & World Report. The rankings will include the median LSAT and GPA of the first-year student body.\\nIf you can't distinguish the differences in schools, then you should meet with your school's pre-law advisor who can help you distinguish between law schools with national (and international) reach and those schools with more regional name recognition.\\nTo get international law jobs, you should strive to attend a school with a national reputation.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Compare costs.\", \"描述\": \"As you compare law schools, you should always have costs in the forefront of your mind. You might assume that public schools are always cheaper than private schools, but that is not always the case. The tuition for out-of-state law students is often comparable to the tuition of a private school.\\nIf you want to move to a state and hope to qualify as an in-state resident, contact the law school's admissions office for information.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Research clinical opportunities.\", \"描述\": \"Some law schools have international human rights clinics or their equivalent. In these clinics, students work under the supervision of a faculty member to provide legal services to foreign nationals or to those persecuted in foreign nations. Also, students can do research and work on policy proposals affecting international relations.\\nAt Northwestern University Law School's Center for International Human Rights, students have visited foreign countries such as Malawi, Rwanda, and Uganda to interview prisoners and work on freeing them. Also, students participate in briefing cases brought under the Alien Tort Statute or in international criminal courts.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Study schools.\", \"描述\": \"As you narrow your list of schools, you should compare them according to relevant criteria:\\n\\nCurriculum. The basic curriculum for first year students is pretty much the same at any law school, but after the first year, the classes available might be very different. Look for a curriculum with electives in international comparative law and in human rights law.\\nJoint degrees with foreign universities. Some schools offer joint degrees with foreign universities. For example, Columbia University offers a four-year J.D./Master in French Law program with the University of Paris. Students in the program complete foundation courses at Columbia and then take French civil and European law while in Paris.\\nJob placement with international organizations. Given how difficult it is to get a job in international law, you need to make sure that the law school you attend actually places graduates with international organizations or large firms that do cross-border work. Accordingly, you should contact law schools and ask for detailed information on their job placement.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Use your GPA and LSAT score to find appropriate schools.\", \"描述\": \"These are the two most important factors in law school admissions, and schools will rely on them heavily. Because application fees can be expensive (sometimes close to $100), you will want to be selective about which schools you apply to. Look for schools where your GPA and LSAT fall near the school's medians.\\nYou can gauge your likelihood of gaining admission to specific schools by using the LSAC calculator. Enter your undergraduate GPA and LSAC score to see your chances.\\nIf you have a 4.0 GPA and a 170 LSAT, then you have a 75% chance of getting into Georgetown and a 45% chance of getting into Harvard.\\nIf you have a 3.6 GPA and a 160 LSAT, then you have a 10% chance of getting into Georgetown and an 85% chance of getting into the University of Maryland.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Apply to multiple law schools.\", \"描述\": \"Applying to more than one school increases your chances of being accepted. If you don't get into any school, then you will have to wait a year before applying.\\nFor some great tips on completing law school applications see the University of New Mexico's Tips on How to Make your Application as Competitive as Possible.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Earning a Law Degree\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Take required courses.\", \"描述\": \"Law schools generally require 90 credits or so, spread out over 3 years. Your first year will consist mostly of basic courses: torts, contracts, property, civil procedure, criminal law, and constitutional law.\\nYou should strive to finish near the top of your class. Grades are important in the legal profession, especially when you are starting out on your career. If you finish too low in your class you could take yourself out of the running for job opportunities with international organizations or with large law firms.\\nVisit your career services office and ask what firms come onto your campus to interview. Career Services should also have information on the GPA required to be hired by these larger firms. Gathering this information can give you some idea of how well you need to do in your studies.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Join a study group.\", \"描述\": \"Law school is stressful and isolating, and a study group is a great way to meet people. Study groups help with exam preparation, sharing notes and outlines, as well as just blowing off some steam.\\nIf you join a study group, stick with it. No one likes people who join a group only to drop out after a month.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Take exams seriously.\", \"描述\": \"Before you can become a lawyer, you have to pass law school. Your grades will also follow you around your entire career. Though the importance of grades decreases over time, poor grades could keep you locked out of jobs, at least initially.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Take appropriate electives.\", \"描述\": \"Many law schools allow students to begin taking electives beginning with their second semester. As a future international lawyer, you should seek out courses in international comparative law, as well as human rights law.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Look for internships.\", \"描述\": \"Government agencies and NGOs often offer internships. Visit the website for International Organization Careers for information on internship opportunities.\\nMany internships may be appropriate only for the summer, especially if you attend law school outside New York City, Washington, D.C., or another very-large city. However, you should begin researching internship opportunities as soon as possible, so you can learn about what credentials the organizations are looking for.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Work as a summer associate for an international organization.\", \"描述\": \"During law school, you will have two summers to work legal jobs, after your 1L year and after your 2L year. You can plan on working for an international organization during one or both of your summers.\\nSome students also try to work for a law firm during their 2L summer. If you want to work at a large law firm after graduation, then it is standard to work for the firm during your 2L summer. If the firm likes you, they will extend an offer before the start of your 3L year.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Join the International Law Students Association (ILSA).\", \"描述\": \"The ILSA is an umbrella organization for student associations at various law schools around the country. It helps to educate students on international law and employment opportunities. Although many schools have individual chapters, students can join as individual members if their school has no chapter.\\nThe ILSA also runs the Jessup International Law Moot Court Competition. Law schools field teams that compete against each other in an appellate advocacy competition where teams draft and argue briefs concerning an issue of public international law.\\nJessup is open to law schools all over the world.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Pass the MPRE.\", \"描述\": \"The Multistate Professional Responsibility Examination is required to practice in all but three jurisdictions in the United States. The exam has 60 questions and tests your knowledge of legal ethics. You will take the exam in your third year of law school.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Obtaining Your Law License\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Apply for admittance to a state bar.\", \"描述\": \"Each state admits its own lawyers and administers its own bar exam, so check with the bar of the state where you wish to practice. They will provide you with a list of the necessary steps to take.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Register for the bar exam.\", \"描述\": \"Nearly every state requires that you pass a written exam. The exam typically includes an essay portion as well as a multiple choice test.\\nThe bar exam is typically offered twice a year—once during the summer (June or July) and once the winter (usually February). If you have to take the bar exam over, you have to pay each time you take it.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Prepare for the bar exam.\", \"描述\": \"Prep courses abound. They typically last several months and prepare you for both the essay and multiple choice portions of the bar exam. Costs can run up to several thousand dollars.\\nIf costs are a concern, then you can seek out old study guides published by bar prep companies. Many people sell old guides on eBay and other online retailers.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Fill out the background survey.\", \"描述\": \"In addition to passing the bar exam, you also need to pass a character and fitness review. This requires filling out a detailed survey on your background.\\nCommon problems with character and fitness include criminal convictions, financial irresponsibility (such as bankruptcy), and accusations of plagiarism. These may not completely block you from admission, but be prepared to discuss them with the character and fitness committee.\\nAlways be honest when filling out the background survey. Often the attempt to hide something is worse than the offense in the first place.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Take the bar examination.\", \"描述\": \"The bar exam is typically held over the course of 2 days. The first day consists of a multiple-choice exam covering topics such as contracts, constitutional law, criminal law, evidence, and torts. The second day, consisting of essays, is often state-specific.\\nExpect to wait several months to receive your score. In Illinois, for example, those who take the exam in July will not receive their results until the first two weeks of October.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Starting as an International Lawyer\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Participate in On Campus Interviews (OCI).\", \"描述\": \"The largest law firms that hire graduates from your law school will likely come onto campus to interview for summer associates. If you want to work for a large firm, then you should register for OCI, which will take place just before the start of your 2L year (or in the early fall). If you are offered a job, you will work as a summer associate during your 2L summer.\\nYour career services office will send out detailed requirements for participating in OCI, such as preparing a resume and ordering copies of your transcript. Be sure to follow all policies to the letter, otherwise you could be prohibited from participating in interviews.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Apply for a fellowship.\", \"描述\": \"You can begin your career by applying for a post-graduate fellowship. Fellowships provide a stipend for one or two years of employment with various organizations.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Apply for an entry-level job with an NGO.\", \"描述\": \"Entry-level recruitment is competitive and not widely advertised. You should ask your Career Services office for information on how to find these jobs and how to approach NGOs that interest you about potential job opportunities.\\nThe UN Volunteer program hires new attorneys and pays them a stipend. Employees assist with peacekeeping missions in developing countries.\\nThe UN Secretariat occasionally hires Americans for its Legal Affairs and Human Rights divisions. You have to sit for the Competitive Recruitment Exam.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Get a first job.\", \"描述\": \"Even if international law is your dream, you might need to take another legal job simply to pay the bills. In your spare time, you can work on international law issues by volunteering with an international organization or doing pro bono immigration work.\\nPro bono immigration work can help put your foreign-language skills to use and allow you help non-Americans build the lives that they want.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Stay connected to the legal community.\", \"描述\": \"As your career advances, be sure to continue to raise your profile by offering continuing legal education courses and joining bar association committees. Some states also run separate International Law sections, which you can join to help with networking.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"International law is one of the hardest fields to break into. If you do not think that you have a realistic chance of getting a job in the field, then you might not want to attend law school unless you are comfortable practicing in other areas of law, such as real estate, criminal defense, or family law.\\n\", \"Give more attention to employment statistics than to whether a school offers “certificates,” “specialties” or clinics in international law. Schools can give the impression that they are international law powerhouses when, in fact, they place few students in international organizations.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,540 | How to Be Animal Friendly | 1. Changing Your Dietary Habits
1-1. Become a vegetarian and choose alternatives to meat.
If you take meat out of your diet, you’ll need to find other ways to get proteins. Fortunately, there are plenty of options! Buying baked beans, chickpeas, or kidney beans is one method, while purchasing veggie burgers or sausages is another way to go.
Tofu, which is made from soy beans, is a great substitute for meat.
You can still eat eggs and other dairy products if you become a vegetarian.
1-2. Go vegan to cut all animal products out of your diet.
Not only do vegans not eat meat, they don’t consume any dairy products at all. A well-mapped out vegan diet is healthy for people of all ages and backgrounds and provides all the nutrients your body needs.
Going vegan improves your diet and gives you room to try health-promoting options like fruits, nuts, and vegetables.
1-3. Avoid local cuisine when traveling if it includes wild animals.
If food items include endangered animals or involve inhumane production, stay away from them. One example is bushmeat, which comes from animals hunted in the wild for food.
Along these same lines, never buy souvenirs made from wild animals. Fur, ivory, teeth, and shells are some of the things used to make these trinkets.
2. Supporting Animal Rights
2-1. Don’t purchase fur-based products.
Many articles of clothing and blankets are made from real animal fur, but there are plenty of alternatives available. In fact, many brands and stores market themselves as anti-fur and sell their products based on this philosophy.
Valid fur alternatives include different types of fibers, such as a polyester-cotton mix.
2-2. Stop buying products that test on animals.
Numerous cosmetics, household, and personal care products are tested on animals, but many are not. The Leaping Bunny is a guide that lists cruelty-free brands which have met a rigorous, internationally recognized standard. Look for the Leaping Bunny logo on the packaging of some of these products.
Not every cruelty-free brand has the Leaping Bunny logo, so check to see if there is a different label that mentions that the brand doesn’t test on animals.
2-3. Attend meetings with other animal rights activists.
Check to see if your area has a local SPCA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) chapter and reach out to one of the current members. Many of these organizations do fun activities, like 5Ks, to raise money and awareness for animal rights.
This is a great way to become friends with like-minded people whom you might not have met otherwise!
2-4. Never pay to take your picture with or ride wild animals.
Many of these creatures have been taken from their homes and treated harshly so they’re docile around tourists. In some cases, these animals will be drugged and have their teeth removed.
Another example of this is swimming with dolphins. While it may seem like a fun, educational exercise, it’s unnatural and stressful for the animals.
2-5. Recycle constantly to help protect the environment.
Recycling paper, plastic, metal, glass, and other things is a great way to make sure none of it becomes pollution. One of the best ways to make sure animals have safe habitats is to keep them trash-free. When you go to buy food products, look for items sold in recyclable materials.
The beauty of becoming a vegetarian or going vegan is that you stop buying so much processed food and therefore have less trash to throw out!
3. Helping Mistreated Animals Directly
3-1. Volunteer at a local animal shelter.
Volunteering is a fairly large time commitment, but worth it for many people. Contact your local animal shelter to see if they need any help. You may be required to fill out an application, attend training sessions, and sign a liability waiver. Each shelter has different rules and regulations when it comes to volunteers.
Responsibilities can include walking the animals, showing the pets to potential adopters, and doing cleaning the shelter.
3-2. Encourage your friends to volunteer with you.
It will make the work that much more enjoyable and give you and your friends a chance to do something productive with your free time. If you’ve already started volunteering, ask your supervisor if your friends can come in and get started.
Most animal shelters need extra hands, so asking the shelter if your friends can join you shouldn’t be a problem.
Animal shelters do require a good chunk of your time, so only ask friends who have the hours to commit to the job.
3-3. Adopt a pet from an animal shelter to give it a new home.
You can choose from cats, dogs, birds, and many other animals to give one a new life in a loving home. Most pets are actually moved to shelters because previous owners simply couldn’t keep them. This means that a lot of pets at shelters are family-ready and won’t cause big problems once they come home.
The adoption fee includes the cost of vaccinations, spay/neuter surgery, and other necessities.
Make sure you’re financially stable and ready to take on this commitment. The last thing anyone wants is for an animal to go to an owner who can’t properly care for it. That said, pets adopted from shelters typically cost less than pets purchased at a store.
Don’t be afraid to keep in touch with the shelter where your pet came from, as these people know the animal well and are more than happy to help.
3-4. Report suspected animal cruelty to the proper authorities.
Cruelty can come in the form of neglect or abuse. Some animals are abandoned, others aren’t given proper medical care, and a large number of animals are simply mistreated physically. If you see this happening or are aware of it, contact your local animal control agency or dial 9-1-1 and have them get in touch with the right people.
If you see an abandoned animal, don’t just immediately go up to it, as it could be infected or aggressive. Call the authorities right away so a professional can handle the situation.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:18",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Changing Your Dietary Habits\\n1-1. Become a vegetarian and choose alternatives to meat.\\nIf you take meat out of your diet, you’ll need to find other ways to get proteins. Fortunately, there are plenty of options! Buying baked beans, chickpeas, or kidney beans is one method, while purchasing veggie burgers or sausages is another way to go.\\nTofu, which is made from soy beans, is a great substitute for meat.\\nYou can still eat eggs and other dairy products if you become a vegetarian.\\n1-2. Go vegan to cut all animal products out of your diet.\\nNot only do vegans not eat meat, they don’t consume any dairy products at all. A well-mapped out vegan diet is healthy for people of all ages and backgrounds and provides all the nutrients your body needs.\\nGoing vegan improves your diet and gives you room to try health-promoting options like fruits, nuts, and vegetables.\\n1-3. Avoid local cuisine when traveling if it includes wild animals.\\nIf food items include endangered animals or involve inhumane production, stay away from them. One example is bushmeat, which comes from animals hunted in the wild for food.\\nAlong these same lines, never buy souvenirs made from wild animals. Fur, ivory, teeth, and shells are some of the things used to make these trinkets.\\n2. Supporting Animal Rights\\n2-1. Don’t purchase fur-based products.\\nMany articles of clothing and blankets are made from real animal fur, but there are plenty of alternatives available. In fact, many brands and stores market themselves as anti-fur and sell their products based on this philosophy.\\nValid fur alternatives include different types of fibers, such as a polyester-cotton mix.\\n2-2. Stop buying products that test on animals.\\nNumerous cosmetics, household, and personal care products are tested on animals, but many are not. The Leaping Bunny is a guide that lists cruelty-free brands which have met a rigorous, internationally recognized standard. Look for the Leaping Bunny logo on the packaging of some of these products.\\nNot every cruelty-free brand has the Leaping Bunny logo, so check to see if there is a different label that mentions that the brand doesn’t test on animals.\\n2-3. Attend meetings with other animal rights activists.\\nCheck to see if your area has a local SPCA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) chapter and reach out to one of the current members. Many of these organizations do fun activities, like 5Ks, to raise money and awareness for animal rights.\\nThis is a great way to become friends with like-minded people whom you might not have met otherwise!\\n2-4. Never pay to take your picture with or ride wild animals.\\nMany of these creatures have been taken from their homes and treated harshly so they’re docile around tourists. In some cases, these animals will be drugged and have their teeth removed.\\nAnother example of this is swimming with dolphins. While it may seem like a fun, educational exercise, it’s unnatural and stressful for the animals.\\n2-5. Recycle constantly to help protect the environment.\\nRecycling paper, plastic, metal, glass, and other things is a great way to make sure none of it becomes pollution. One of the best ways to make sure animals have safe habitats is to keep them trash-free. When you go to buy food products, look for items sold in recyclable materials.\\nThe beauty of becoming a vegetarian or going vegan is that you stop buying so much processed food and therefore have less trash to throw out!\\n3. Helping Mistreated Animals Directly\\n3-1. Volunteer at a local animal shelter.\\nVolunteering is a fairly large time commitment, but worth it for many people. Contact your local animal shelter to see if they need any help. You may be required to fill out an application, attend training sessions, and sign a liability waiver. Each shelter has different rules and regulations when it comes to volunteers.\\nResponsibilities can include walking the animals, showing the pets to potential adopters, and doing cleaning the shelter.\\n3-2. Encourage your friends to volunteer with you.\\nIt will make the work that much more enjoyable and give you and your friends a chance to do something productive with your free time. If you’ve already started volunteering, ask your supervisor if your friends can come in and get started.\\nMost animal shelters need extra hands, so asking the shelter if your friends can join you shouldn’t be a problem.\\nAnimal shelters do require a good chunk of your time, so only ask friends who have the hours to commit to the job.\\n3-3. Adopt a pet from an animal shelter to give it a new home.\\nYou can choose from cats, dogs, birds, and many other animals to give one a new life in a loving home. Most pets are actually moved to shelters because previous owners simply couldn’t keep them. This means that a lot of pets at shelters are family-ready and won’t cause big problems once they come home.\\nThe adoption fee includes the cost of vaccinations, spay/neuter surgery, and other necessities.\\nMake sure you’re financially stable and ready to take on this commitment. The last thing anyone wants is for an animal to go to an owner who can’t properly care for it. That said, pets adopted from shelters typically cost less than pets purchased at a store.\\nDon’t be afraid to keep in touch with the shelter where your pet came from, as these people know the animal well and are more than happy to help.\\n3-4. Report suspected animal cruelty to the proper authorities.\\nCruelty can come in the form of neglect or abuse. Some animals are abandoned, others aren’t given proper medical care, and a large number of animals are simply mistreated physically. If you see this happening or are aware of it, contact your local animal control agency or dial 9-1-1 and have them get in touch with the right people.\\nIf you see an abandoned animal, don’t just immediately go up to it, as it could be infected or aggressive. Call the authorities right away so a professional can handle the situation.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Animals brighten our world and can make for amazing companions, but many animals are treated cruelly and unfairly all over the world. Fortunately, there are ways to make a difference and become animal friendly. You can stop supporting companies that make products with animal fur or test their products on animals. Changing your diet is another way to become more animal friendly and, in doing so, you can look after your own health as well!\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Changing Your Dietary Habits\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Become a vegetarian and choose alternatives to meat.\", \"描述\": \"If you take meat out of your diet, you’ll need to find other ways to get proteins. Fortunately, there are plenty of options! Buying baked beans, chickpeas, or kidney beans is one method, while purchasing veggie burgers or sausages is another way to go.\\nTofu, which is made from soy beans, is a great substitute for meat.\\nYou can still eat eggs and other dairy products if you become a vegetarian.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Go vegan to cut all animal products out of your diet.\", \"描述\": \"Not only do vegans not eat meat, they don’t consume any dairy products at all. A well-mapped out vegan diet is healthy for people of all ages and backgrounds and provides all the nutrients your body needs.\\nGoing vegan improves your diet and gives you room to try health-promoting options like fruits, nuts, and vegetables.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Avoid local cuisine when traveling if it includes wild animals.\", \"描述\": \"If food items include endangered animals or involve inhumane production, stay away from them. One example is bushmeat, which comes from animals hunted in the wild for food.\\nAlong these same lines, never buy souvenirs made from wild animals. Fur, ivory, teeth, and shells are some of the things used to make these trinkets.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Supporting Animal Rights\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Don’t purchase fur-based products.\", \"描述\": \"Many articles of clothing and blankets are made from real animal fur, but there are plenty of alternatives available. In fact, many brands and stores market themselves as anti-fur and sell their products based on this philosophy.\\nValid fur alternatives include different types of fibers, such as a polyester-cotton mix.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Stop buying products that test on animals.\", \"描述\": \"Numerous cosmetics, household, and personal care products are tested on animals, but many are not. The Leaping Bunny is a guide that lists cruelty-free brands which have met a rigorous, internationally recognized standard. Look for the Leaping Bunny logo on the packaging of some of these products.\\nNot every cruelty-free brand has the Leaping Bunny logo, so check to see if there is a different label that mentions that the brand doesn’t test on animals.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Attend meetings with other animal rights activists.\", \"描述\": \"Check to see if your area has a local SPCA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) chapter and reach out to one of the current members. Many of these organizations do fun activities, like 5Ks, to raise money and awareness for animal rights.\\nThis is a great way to become friends with like-minded people whom you might not have met otherwise!\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Never pay to take your picture with or ride wild animals.\", \"描述\": \"Many of these creatures have been taken from their homes and treated harshly so they’re docile around tourists. In some cases, these animals will be drugged and have their teeth removed.\\nAnother example of this is swimming with dolphins. While it may seem like a fun, educational exercise, it’s unnatural and stressful for the animals.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Recycle constantly to help protect the environment.\", \"描述\": \"Recycling paper, plastic, metal, glass, and other things is a great way to make sure none of it becomes pollution. One of the best ways to make sure animals have safe habitats is to keep them trash-free. When you go to buy food products, look for items sold in recyclable materials.\\nThe beauty of becoming a vegetarian or going vegan is that you stop buying so much processed food and therefore have less trash to throw out!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Helping Mistreated Animals Directly\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Volunteer at a local animal shelter.\", \"描述\": \"Volunteering is a fairly large time commitment, but worth it for many people. Contact your local animal shelter to see if they need any help. You may be required to fill out an application, attend training sessions, and sign a liability waiver. Each shelter has different rules and regulations when it comes to volunteers.\\nResponsibilities can include walking the animals, showing the pets to potential adopters, and doing cleaning the shelter.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Encourage your friends to volunteer with you.\", \"描述\": \"It will make the work that much more enjoyable and give you and your friends a chance to do something productive with your free time. If you’ve already started volunteering, ask your supervisor if your friends can come in and get started.\\nMost animal shelters need extra hands, so asking the shelter if your friends can join you shouldn’t be a problem.\\nAnimal shelters do require a good chunk of your time, so only ask friends who have the hours to commit to the job.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Adopt a pet from an animal shelter to give it a new home.\", \"描述\": \"You can choose from cats, dogs, birds, and many other animals to give one a new life in a loving home. Most pets are actually moved to shelters because previous owners simply couldn’t keep them. This means that a lot of pets at shelters are family-ready and won’t cause big problems once they come home.\\nThe adoption fee includes the cost of vaccinations, spay/neuter surgery, and other necessities.\\nMake sure you’re financially stable and ready to take on this commitment. The last thing anyone wants is for an animal to go to an owner who can’t properly care for it. That said, pets adopted from shelters typically cost less than pets purchased at a store.\\nDon’t be afraid to keep in touch with the shelter where your pet came from, as these people know the animal well and are more than happy to help.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Report suspected animal cruelty to the proper authorities.\", \"描述\": \"Cruelty can come in the form of neglect or abuse. Some animals are abandoned, others aren’t given proper medical care, and a large number of animals are simply mistreated physically. If you see this happening or are aware of it, contact your local animal control agency or dial 9-1-1 and have them get in touch with the right people.\\nIf you see an abandoned animal, don’t just immediately go up to it, as it could be infected or aggressive. Call the authorities right away so a professional can handle the situation.\"}]}]}}",
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3,541 | How to Be Annoying in School | 1. Act like a know-it-all.
Answer every question in a smug voice to show off in class.
The class know-it-all irritates teachers and students alike, so it’s a solid choice. Start by raising your hand lightning-fast every time the teacher asks a question so other students never get a chance. Then, blurt out the answer without waiting for your teacher to call on you. Don’t forget to give everyone a conceited grin afterward! You can also:
Blurt out unnecessary details or facts just to show that you know them
Try to correct, argue with, or outsmart your teacher
2. Make jokes that aren’t funny.
Disrupting class with terrible jokes is exhausting for everyone.
There are lots of ways to goof and joke around in class that will drive pretty much everyone in the room nuts! Interrupting your teacher or fellow classmates with unwitty banter is a classic. Giving silly or joke answers when your teacher asks you questions about the lesson is another great one. You can also try:
Making terrible puns. For example, you might share this joke-pun combo during a relevant science lesson: "A photon checks into a hotel. The front desk asks if it has any luggage. It replies, 'No, I’m traveling light.'"
Sharing the worst dad jokes the internet has to offer. For example, "Want to hear a joke about construction? Sorry, I'm still working on it!"
Laughing at your own jokes
3. Show up late and unprepared for the lesson.
Be as disruptive as possible if you want to be extra annoying.
Show up late enough to interrupt the lesson once it’s in full swing. Then, fly through the door and fumble your way to your desk, apologizing loudly the whole way. Dig in your backpack and rattle papers around looking for the supplies you need. You forgot them (of course) so start asking other students if you can borrow theirs.
4. Slack off during group projects.
You’ll be the least popular member of your group within minutes.
Shamelessly shirking your duties, going to the restroom repeatedly, and giving silly excuses for why you can’t do this or that task are just a few ways to get on your group's collective last nerve. The group will probably end up ostracizing you out of sheer annoyance; mission accomplished!
5. Eat noisy snacks during a test.
Shattering the silence by loudly munching on chips is cringe-worthy.
Bring the noisiest, crunchiest snacks possible, of course. If you want to be next-level irritating, be sure to chew with your mouth open, lick the cheese dust off your fingertips, wipe your hands on your shirt, and crinkle up the empty snack package when you’re done!
Bonus points if the food is extra smelly. Scarfing down a tuna sandwich during class won’t win you any friends, but it will definitely irritate everyone.
6. Click your pen incessantly.
Pen clicking is extra annoying during a test or study period.
Pen clicking is pretty common and a few glares from other students is usually all it takes to get the offender to stop. Well, not today! Choose a time when it’s nice and quiet, like during a test, and get to clicking. It won’t take long for one of your classmates to snap at you to knock it off!
Don’t look up from your test or make eye contact with anyone so you pass it off as absentmindedness.
7. Sleep through the entire lecture.
This mostly annoys the teacher but it can disrupt the whole room.
Sleeping in class may not sound disruptive at first, but it communicates to everyone that you’re super bored with the whole class thing. Your teacher won’t like this one bit, so they’ll either stop what they’re doing to wake you up or just let you sleep, which will make your classmates wonder why they’re bothering to pay attention if you aren’t. You win at being annoying either way!
Throw in a few snores and maybe a little drool for good measure.
8. Ask the teacher tons of questions.
Stall class and drive everyone to their wits’ end with nonstop questions.
Interrupt your teacher's next lecture by asking dumb questions about every single detail. Be serious and pretend that you truly don’t understand something so your teacher feels obligated to explain it again. The other students might think it’s funny at first, but they’ll become increasingly annoyed as you continue wasting class time.
You might say, “Professor Hart, can you explain that algebraic equation one more time? I’m just not getting it.”
Or you can say something like, “Mr. Rhodes, would you mind repeating that definition word for word? I couldn’t write it down fast enough. Can you speak more slowly?”
9. Try to be the teacher’s pet.
Everyone will roll their eyes at your brazen attempts to kiss up.
Offer to help your teacher with the simplest tasks, like sharpening their pencil or plugging in their laptop, because “you just want everything to be perfect.” Asking awkward questions and making random comments are other great ways to set everyone’s teeth on edge, especially your teacher.
For example, interrupt your teacher to say, “You mentioned on the first day that you play guitar. That's so cool. Do you ever bring your guitar to class?”
Raise your hand in the middle of a lesson and say, "I just want to tell you that you're my favorite teacher ever." This might be flattering the first time, but after a few days of this your teacher will probably start completely ignoring you out of sheer annoyance.
10. Mess around on your phone during class.
Nothing annoys a teacher faster than seeing a cell phone out.
Scroll through Instagram, take a few Snapchats of yourself in class, or send out texts—it doesn’t really matter what you do, because as soon as your teacher sees that cell phone, they’re going to be irritated.
At the very least, your teacher will stop the lesson to call you out, which disrupts class and annoys everyone. Keep in mind, though, that if your school has strict rules about cell phones, you might get in trouble!
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:18",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Act like a know-it-all.\\nAnswer every question in a smug voice to show off in class.\\nThe class know-it-all irritates teachers and students alike, so it’s a solid choice. Start by raising your hand lightning-fast every time the teacher asks a question so other students never get a chance. Then, blurt out the answer without waiting for your teacher to call on you. Don’t forget to give everyone a conceited grin afterward! You can also:\\nBlurt out unnecessary details or facts just to show that you know them\\nTry to correct, argue with, or outsmart your teacher\\n2. Make jokes that aren’t funny.\\nDisrupting class with terrible jokes is exhausting for everyone.\\nThere are lots of ways to goof and joke around in class that will drive pretty much everyone in the room nuts! Interrupting your teacher or fellow classmates with unwitty banter is a classic. Giving silly or joke answers when your teacher asks you questions about the lesson is another great one. You can also try:\\nMaking terrible puns. For example, you might share this joke-pun combo during a relevant science lesson: \\\"A photon checks into a hotel. The front desk asks if it has any luggage. It replies, 'No, I’m traveling light.'\\\"\\nSharing the worst dad jokes the internet has to offer. For example, \\\"Want to hear a joke about construction? Sorry, I'm still working on it!\\\"\\nLaughing at your own jokes\\n3. Show up late and unprepared for the lesson.\\nBe as disruptive as possible if you want to be extra annoying.\\nShow up late enough to interrupt the lesson once it’s in full swing. Then, fly through the door and fumble your way to your desk, apologizing loudly the whole way. Dig in your backpack and rattle papers around looking for the supplies you need. You forgot them (of course) so start asking other students if you can borrow theirs.\\n4. Slack off during group projects.\\nYou’ll be the least popular member of your group within minutes.\\nShamelessly shirking your duties, going to the restroom repeatedly, and giving silly excuses for why you can’t do this or that task are just a few ways to get on your group's collective last nerve. The group will probably end up ostracizing you out of sheer annoyance; mission accomplished!\\n5. Eat noisy snacks during a test.\\nShattering the silence by loudly munching on chips is cringe-worthy.\\nBring the noisiest, crunchiest snacks possible, of course. If you want to be next-level irritating, be sure to chew with your mouth open, lick the cheese dust off your fingertips, wipe your hands on your shirt, and crinkle up the empty snack package when you’re done!\\nBonus points if the food is extra smelly. Scarfing down a tuna sandwich during class won’t win you any friends, but it will definitely irritate everyone.\\n6. Click your pen incessantly.\\nPen clicking is extra annoying during a test or study period.\\nPen clicking is pretty common and a few glares from other students is usually all it takes to get the offender to stop. Well, not today! Choose a time when it’s nice and quiet, like during a test, and get to clicking. It won’t take long for one of your classmates to snap at you to knock it off!\\nDon’t look up from your test or make eye contact with anyone so you pass it off as absentmindedness.\\n7. Sleep through the entire lecture.\\nThis mostly annoys the teacher but it can disrupt the whole room.\\nSleeping in class may not sound disruptive at first, but it communicates to everyone that you’re super bored with the whole class thing. Your teacher won’t like this one bit, so they’ll either stop what they’re doing to wake you up or just let you sleep, which will make your classmates wonder why they’re bothering to pay attention if you aren’t. You win at being annoying either way!\\nThrow in a few snores and maybe a little drool for good measure.\\n8. Ask the teacher tons of questions.\\nStall class and drive everyone to their wits’ end with nonstop questions.\\nInterrupt your teacher's next lecture by asking dumb questions about every single detail. Be serious and pretend that you truly don’t understand something so your teacher feels obligated to explain it again. The other students might think it’s funny at first, but they’ll become increasingly annoyed as you continue wasting class time.\\nYou might say, “Professor Hart, can you explain that algebraic equation one more time? I’m just not getting it.”\\nOr you can say something like, “Mr. Rhodes, would you mind repeating that definition word for word? I couldn’t write it down fast enough. Can you speak more slowly?”\\n9. Try to be the teacher’s pet.\\nEveryone will roll their eyes at your brazen attempts to kiss up.\\nOffer to help your teacher with the simplest tasks, like sharpening their pencil or plugging in their laptop, because “you just want everything to be perfect.” Asking awkward questions and making random comments are other great ways to set everyone’s teeth on edge, especially your teacher.\\nFor example, interrupt your teacher to say, “You mentioned on the first day that you play guitar. That's so cool. Do you ever bring your guitar to class?”\\nRaise your hand in the middle of a lesson and say, \\\"I just want to tell you that you're my favorite teacher ever.\\\" This might be flattering the first time, but after a few days of this your teacher will probably start completely ignoring you out of sheer annoyance.\\n10. Mess around on your phone during class.\\nNothing annoys a teacher faster than seeing a cell phone out.\\nScroll through Instagram, take a few Snapchats of yourself in class, or send out texts—it doesn’t really matter what you do, because as soon as your teacher sees that cell phone, they’re going to be irritated.\\nAt the very least, your teacher will stop the lesson to call you out, which disrupts class and annoys everyone. Keep in mind, though, that if your school has strict rules about cell phones, you might get in trouble!\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"If you want to annoy your classmates and teachers at school, you've come to the right place! We'll walk you through a ton of options you can try out to get on everyone's last nerve, starting with stuff that will annoy the entire class. Then, we'll touch on a few ways to really ruffle your teachers' feathers. Have fun messing around, but be careful not to overdo it! If you go too far with your antics, you could end up getting in trouble.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Act like a know-it-all.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Answer every question in a smug voice to show off in class.\", \"描述\": \"The class know-it-all irritates teachers and students alike, so it’s a solid choice. Start by raising your hand lightning-fast every time the teacher asks a question so other students never get a chance. Then, blurt out the answer without waiting for your teacher to call on you. Don’t forget to give everyone a conceited grin afterward! You can also:\\nBlurt out unnecessary details or facts just to show that you know them\\nTry to correct, argue with, or outsmart your teacher\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Make jokes that aren’t funny.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Disrupting class with terrible jokes is exhausting for everyone.\", \"描述\": \"There are lots of ways to goof and joke around in class that will drive pretty much everyone in the room nuts! Interrupting your teacher or fellow classmates with unwitty banter is a classic. Giving silly or joke answers when your teacher asks you questions about the lesson is another great one. You can also try:\\nMaking terrible puns. For example, you might share this joke-pun combo during a relevant science lesson: \\\"A photon checks into a hotel. The front desk asks if it has any luggage. It replies, 'No, I’m traveling light.'\\\"\\nSharing the worst dad jokes the internet has to offer. For example, \\\"Want to hear a joke about construction? Sorry, I'm still working on it!\\\"\\nLaughing at your own jokes\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Show up late and unprepared for the lesson.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be as disruptive as possible if you want to be extra annoying.\", \"描述\": \"Show up late enough to interrupt the lesson once it’s in full swing. Then, fly through the door and fumble your way to your desk, apologizing loudly the whole way. Dig in your backpack and rattle papers around looking for the supplies you need. You forgot them (of course) so start asking other students if you can borrow theirs.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Slack off during group projects.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"You’ll be the least popular member of your group within minutes.\", \"描述\": \"Shamelessly shirking your duties, going to the restroom repeatedly, and giving silly excuses for why you can’t do this or that task are just a few ways to get on your group's collective last nerve. The group will probably end up ostracizing you out of sheer annoyance; mission accomplished!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Eat noisy snacks during a test.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Shattering the silence by loudly munching on chips is cringe-worthy.\", \"描述\": \"Bring the noisiest, crunchiest snacks possible, of course. If you want to be next-level irritating, be sure to chew with your mouth open, lick the cheese dust off your fingertips, wipe your hands on your shirt, and crinkle up the empty snack package when you’re done!\\nBonus points if the food is extra smelly. Scarfing down a tuna sandwich during class won’t win you any friends, but it will definitely irritate everyone.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Click your pen incessantly.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Pen clicking is extra annoying during a test or study period.\", \"描述\": \"Pen clicking is pretty common and a few glares from other students is usually all it takes to get the offender to stop. Well, not today! Choose a time when it’s nice and quiet, like during a test, and get to clicking. It won’t take long for one of your classmates to snap at you to knock it off!\\nDon’t look up from your test or make eye contact with anyone so you pass it off as absentmindedness.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Sleep through the entire lecture.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"This mostly annoys the teacher but it can disrupt the whole room.\", \"描述\": \"Sleeping in class may not sound disruptive at first, but it communicates to everyone that you’re super bored with the whole class thing. Your teacher won’t like this one bit, so they’ll either stop what they’re doing to wake you up or just let you sleep, which will make your classmates wonder why they’re bothering to pay attention if you aren’t. You win at being annoying either way!\\nThrow in a few snores and maybe a little drool for good measure.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Ask the teacher tons of questions.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Stall class and drive everyone to their wits’ end with nonstop questions.\", \"描述\": \"Interrupt your teacher's next lecture by asking dumb questions about every single detail. Be serious and pretend that you truly don’t understand something so your teacher feels obligated to explain it again. The other students might think it’s funny at first, but they’ll become increasingly annoyed as you continue wasting class time.\\nYou might say, “Professor Hart, can you explain that algebraic equation one more time? I’m just not getting it.”\\nOr you can say something like, “Mr. Rhodes, would you mind repeating that definition word for word? I couldn’t write it down fast enough. Can you speak more slowly?”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Try to be the teacher’s pet.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Everyone will roll their eyes at your brazen attempts to kiss up.\", \"描述\": \"Offer to help your teacher with the simplest tasks, like sharpening their pencil or plugging in their laptop, because “you just want everything to be perfect.” Asking awkward questions and making random comments are other great ways to set everyone’s teeth on edge, especially your teacher.\\nFor example, interrupt your teacher to say, “You mentioned on the first day that you play guitar. That's so cool. Do you ever bring your guitar to class?”\\nRaise your hand in the middle of a lesson and say, \\\"I just want to tell you that you're my favorite teacher ever.\\\" This might be flattering the first time, but after a few days of this your teacher will probably start completely ignoring you out of sheer annoyance.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Mess around on your phone during class.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Nothing annoys a teacher faster than seeing a cell phone out.\", \"描述\": \"Scroll through Instagram, take a few Snapchats of yourself in class, or send out texts—it doesn’t really matter what you do, because as soon as your teacher sees that cell phone, they’re going to be irritated.\\nAt the very least, your teacher will stop the lesson to call you out, which disrupts class and annoys everyone. Keep in mind, though, that if your school has strict rules about cell phones, you might get in trouble!\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
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} | wikihow |
3,542 | How to Be Anointed (Christianity) | 1. Steps
1-1. Be chosen by God.
In the Old Testament, the kings of Israel and the priests were anointed. It was a ceremonial way to show that they were special and set apart. Anyone who is a believer in Christ is chosen by God and set apart.
2 Corinthians 1:21 says, "Now He who establishes us with you in Christ and has anointed us is God, who also has sealed us and given us the Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee."
Also every Christian now is a priest. 1 Peter 2:9 says about all Christians, "You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light." Amen.
1-2. Put your faith in Jesus, if you have not already.
Simply becoming a Christian makes you anointed. 1 John 2:27 says, "The anointing that you received from Him abides in you, and you have no need that anyone should teach you. But, as His anointing teaches you about everything, and is true, and is no lie—just as it has taught you, abide in Him."
This anointing that John is referring to is the Holy Spirit. He says that as a Christian "you have no need" to be taught because the Holy Spirit leads you into all truth, as the Bible says. This does not mean "don't" listen to sermons, but it means that you "can" know and agree upon everything that any other Christian knows about the word, etc. because all have the same Holy Spirit in us.
Also, you can keep the anointing of salvation simply by abiding in Jesus. As He said, "Remain in me, and I will remain in you." The best way to abide in Jesus is to continue in an attitude of rejoicing and remain in His presence:
"rejoice always, pray without ceasing and give thanks in everything: for this is God's will..." (1 Thessalonians 5:16--18) as the Bible, also, says,
"Let us come into His presence with thanksgiving and make a joyful noise to Him, singing songs of praise!" (Psalm 95:2).
1-3. Share the gospel.
Christians can get an extra anointing, or an extra filling of the Holy Spirit, in order that they may share the gospel better. This can be seen at Pentecost. A side note on this, the Bible does not say that the disciples were "baptized" with the Holy Spirit, it says that they were filled with the Holy Spirit.
There are many times throughout Acts where they and other Christians got re-filled or filled in an extra way, by the Holy Spirit so that they could heal others or share the gospel.
Acts 4:31 says, "When they had prayed, the place in which they were gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and continued to speak the word of God with boldness." These same men had already been filled with the Holy Spirit in Acts 1 at Pentecost, but they were filled again. Why? So that they could "speak the word of God with boldness." The primary purpose of an anointing, or an extra filling of the Holy Spirit, after Jesus came is to enable us to share the gospel.
Jesus read the following passage while at a temple one day, "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me because He has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed." God will empower us, anoint us, fill us with His Spirit more, in order to save and minister to the lost. Jesus said that He was anointed in order to "proclaim the good news."
1-4. Be prayed for and anointed.
James 5:14 says, "Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord." It seems that sometimes the act of anointing with oil might draw the Holy Spirit in a greater way. In this case, the elders would want to draw the Holy Spirit to heal the person being anointed.
In the Old Testament David was anointed with oil. 1 Samuel 16 says, "Then Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the midst of his brothers; and, the Spirit of the LORD came mightily upon David from that day forward." David was being anointed to be a future king of Israel, but this act seemed to draw the Holy Spirit to him more.
1-5. Ask God to fill you with the Holy Spirit more.
You already have the Holy Spirit, if you are saved, but you can pray for more of the Holy Spirit. Jesus said in Luke 11:13, "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!" Jesus also said, "You have not because you ask not."
You can always pray to be filled more with the Holy Spirit. You won't necessarily pray in tongues when you become more filled with the Holy Spirit. You may exhibit any one of the 15 spiritual gifts. 1 Corinthians 12:11 says about the spiritual gifts, "All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and He distributes them to each one, just as He determines." So whichever gift the Holy Spirit wants to give you is the one that He will.
Tips
Always remember that all Christians are anointed, in order to do the work of the Lord to all generations.
"I will boast in the Lord... about the authority the Lord gave us for building you up, not for tearing you down, I will not be ashamed of that." (2 Corinthians 10:8) -- for he is worthy!
Warnings
Don't let the fact that you are anointed or have the Holy Spirit make you prideful. Keep the verse in mind, "For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast."
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:18",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Steps\\n1-1. Be chosen by God.\\nIn the Old Testament, the kings of Israel and the priests were anointed. It was a ceremonial way to show that they were special and set apart. Anyone who is a believer in Christ is chosen by God and set apart.\\n2 Corinthians 1:21 says, \\\"Now He who establishes us with you in Christ and has anointed us is God, who also has sealed us and given us the Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee.\\\"\\nAlso every Christian now is a priest. 1 Peter 2:9 says about all Christians, \\\"You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.\\\" Amen.\\n1-2. Put your faith in Jesus, if you have not already.\\nSimply becoming a Christian makes you anointed. 1 John 2:27 says, \\\"The anointing that you received from Him abides in you, and you have no need that anyone should teach you. But, as His anointing teaches you about everything, and is true, and is no lie—just as it has taught you, abide in Him.\\\"\\nThis anointing that John is referring to is the Holy Spirit. He says that as a Christian \\\"you have no need\\\" to be taught because the Holy Spirit leads you into all truth, as the Bible says. This does not mean \\\"don't\\\" listen to sermons, but it means that you \\\"can\\\" know and agree upon everything that any other Christian knows about the word, etc. because all have the same Holy Spirit in us.\\nAlso, you can keep the anointing of salvation simply by abiding in Jesus. As He said, \\\"Remain in me, and I will remain in you.\\\" The best way to abide in Jesus is to continue in an attitude of rejoicing and remain in His presence:\\n\\n\\\"rejoice always, pray without ceasing and give thanks in everything: for this is God's will...\\\" (1 Thessalonians 5:16--18) as the Bible, also, says,\\n\\\"Let us come into His presence with thanksgiving and make a joyful noise to Him, singing songs of praise!\\\" (Psalm 95:2).\\n1-3. Share the gospel.\\nChristians can get an extra anointing, or an extra filling of the Holy Spirit, in order that they may share the gospel better. This can be seen at Pentecost. A side note on this, the Bible does not say that the disciples were \\\"baptized\\\" with the Holy Spirit, it says that they were filled with the Holy Spirit.\\nThere are many times throughout Acts where they and other Christians got re-filled or filled in an extra way, by the Holy Spirit so that they could heal others or share the gospel.\\nActs 4:31 says, \\\"When they had prayed, the place in which they were gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and continued to speak the word of God with boldness.\\\" These same men had already been filled with the Holy Spirit in Acts 1 at Pentecost, but they were filled again. Why? So that they could \\\"speak the word of God with boldness.\\\" The primary purpose of an anointing, or an extra filling of the Holy Spirit, after Jesus came is to enable us to share the gospel.\\nJesus read the following passage while at a temple one day, \\\"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me because He has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed.\\\" God will empower us, anoint us, fill us with His Spirit more, in order to save and minister to the lost. Jesus said that He was anointed in order to \\\"proclaim the good news.\\\"\\n1-4. Be prayed for and anointed.\\nJames 5:14 says, \\\"Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord.\\\" It seems that sometimes the act of anointing with oil might draw the Holy Spirit in a greater way. In this case, the elders would want to draw the Holy Spirit to heal the person being anointed.\\nIn the Old Testament David was anointed with oil. 1 Samuel 16 says, \\\"Then Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the midst of his brothers; and, the Spirit of the LORD came mightily upon David from that day forward.\\\" David was being anointed to be a future king of Israel, but this act seemed to draw the Holy Spirit to him more.\\n1-5. Ask God to fill you with the Holy Spirit more.\\nYou already have the Holy Spirit, if you are saved, but you can pray for more of the Holy Spirit. Jesus said in Luke 11:13, \\\"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!\\\" Jesus also said, \\\"You have not because you ask not.\\\"\\nYou can always pray to be filled more with the Holy Spirit. You won't necessarily pray in tongues when you become more filled with the Holy Spirit. You may exhibit any one of the 15 spiritual gifts. 1 Corinthians 12:11 says about the spiritual gifts, \\\"All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and He distributes them to each one, just as He determines.\\\" So whichever gift the Holy Spirit wants to give you is the one that He will.\\nTips\\nAlways remember that all Christians are anointed, in order to do the work of the Lord to all generations.\\n\\\"I will boast in the Lord... about the authority the Lord gave us for building you up, not for tearing you down, I will not be ashamed of that.\\\" (2 Corinthians 10:8) -- for he is worthy!\\nWarnings\\nDon't let the fact that you are anointed or have the Holy Spirit make you prideful. Keep the verse in mind, \\\"For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.\\\"\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"There is a lot of confusion today in the church over what it means to be anointed and who is anointed, etc. In the Old Testament, kings and priests were physically anointed with oil to show that they were set apart. Exodus 19 says, \\\"This is what you are to do to consecrate them, so they may serve me as priests....Take the anointing oil, and anoint him by pouring it on his head.\\\" Also, the tabernacle was anointed to make it holy. Ex. 40 says, \\\"Take the anointing oil, and anoint the tabernacle and everything in it; consecrate it and all its furnishings, and it will be holy.\\\" Now in the New Covenant, all Christians are anointed. To be anointed now simply means that you have the Holy Spirit. Here are more verses from the Bible that can help you understand how to be anointed.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Steps\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be chosen by God.\", \"描述\": \"In the Old Testament, the kings of Israel and the priests were anointed. It was a ceremonial way to show that they were special and set apart. Anyone who is a believer in Christ is chosen by God and set apart.\\n2 Corinthians 1:21 says, \\\"Now He who establishes us with you in Christ and has anointed us is God, who also has sealed us and given us the Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee.\\\"\\nAlso every Christian now is a priest. 1 Peter 2:9 says about all Christians, \\\"You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.\\\" Amen.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Put your faith in Jesus, if you have not already.\", \"描述\": \"Simply becoming a Christian makes you anointed. 1 John 2:27 says, \\\"The anointing that you received from Him abides in you, and you have no need that anyone should teach you. But, as His anointing teaches you about everything, and is true, and is no lie—just as it has taught you, abide in Him.\\\"\\nThis anointing that John is referring to is the Holy Spirit. He says that as a Christian \\\"you have no need\\\" to be taught because the Holy Spirit leads you into all truth, as the Bible says. This does not mean \\\"don't\\\" listen to sermons, but it means that you \\\"can\\\" know and agree upon everything that any other Christian knows about the word, etc. because all have the same Holy Spirit in us.\\nAlso, you can keep the anointing of salvation simply by abiding in Jesus. As He said, \\\"Remain in me, and I will remain in you.\\\" The best way to abide in Jesus is to continue in an attitude of rejoicing and remain in His presence:\\n\\n\\\"rejoice always, pray without ceasing and give thanks in everything: for this is God's will...\\\" (1 Thessalonians 5:16--18) as the Bible, also, says,\\n\\\"Let us come into His presence with thanksgiving and make a joyful noise to Him, singing songs of praise!\\\" (Psalm 95:2).\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Share the gospel.\", \"描述\": \"Christians can get an extra anointing, or an extra filling of the Holy Spirit, in order that they may share the gospel better. This can be seen at Pentecost. A side note on this, the Bible does not say that the disciples were \\\"baptized\\\" with the Holy Spirit, it says that they were filled with the Holy Spirit.\\nThere are many times throughout Acts where they and other Christians got re-filled or filled in an extra way, by the Holy Spirit so that they could heal others or share the gospel.\\nActs 4:31 says, \\\"When they had prayed, the place in which they were gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and continued to speak the word of God with boldness.\\\" These same men had already been filled with the Holy Spirit in Acts 1 at Pentecost, but they were filled again. Why? So that they could \\\"speak the word of God with boldness.\\\" The primary purpose of an anointing, or an extra filling of the Holy Spirit, after Jesus came is to enable us to share the gospel.\\nJesus read the following passage while at a temple one day, \\\"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me because He has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed.\\\" God will empower us, anoint us, fill us with His Spirit more, in order to save and minister to the lost. Jesus said that He was anointed in order to \\\"proclaim the good news.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be prayed for and anointed.\", \"描述\": \"James 5:14 says, \\\"Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord.\\\" It seems that sometimes the act of anointing with oil might draw the Holy Spirit in a greater way. In this case, the elders would want to draw the Holy Spirit to heal the person being anointed.\\nIn the Old Testament David was anointed with oil. 1 Samuel 16 says, \\\"Then Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the midst of his brothers; and, the Spirit of the LORD came mightily upon David from that day forward.\\\" David was being anointed to be a future king of Israel, but this act seemed to draw the Holy Spirit to him more.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Ask God to fill you with the Holy Spirit more.\", \"描述\": \"You already have the Holy Spirit, if you are saved, but you can pray for more of the Holy Spirit. Jesus said in Luke 11:13, \\\"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!\\\" Jesus also said, \\\"You have not because you ask not.\\\"\\nYou can always pray to be filled more with the Holy Spirit. You won't necessarily pray in tongues when you become more filled with the Holy Spirit. You may exhibit any one of the 15 spiritual gifts. 1 Corinthians 12:11 says about the spiritual gifts, \\\"All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and He distributes them to each one, just as He determines.\\\" So whichever gift the Holy Spirit wants to give you is the one that He will.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Always remember that all Christians are anointed, in order to do the work of the Lord to all generations.\\n\", \"\\\"I will boast in the Lord... about the authority the Lord gave us for building you up, not for tearing you down, I will not be ashamed of that.\\\" (2 Corinthians 10:8) -- for he is worthy!\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Don't let the fact that you are anointed or have the Holy Spirit make you prideful. Keep the verse in mind, \\\"For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.\\\"\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,543 | How to Be Antisocial | 1. Understanding Antisocial Behavior
1-1. Distinguish between introversion and anti-social behavior.
The word "antisocial" is commonly used to describe the behavior of introverts, who may not often feel like socializing compared to more social extroverts. The clinical definition of antisocial behavior is somewhat different, however, making it important to distinguish between the two for an accurate understanding.
Antisocial behavior is characterized in much the same way as psychopathy or sociopathy. Some studies report that harsh or inconsistent parenting can be a risk factor for antisocial behavior. People who exhibit antisocial personalities tend to be cynical and unable to empathize with others, or recognize the suffering of others. Antisocial behavior is sometimes characterized by superficial charm, an inflated ego, and a general disdain for the feelings of other people.
Introverted behavior is a sign of a normal social temperament, characterized by a preference for solitude. Introverts are task-oriented, and typically more engaged in solitary reflection and less engaged by interacting with others. While introverts may seem to display some of the superficial characteristics of antisocial behavior, there is no direct link between the two.
1-2. Enjoy your private time.
Being antisocial is basically just avoiding contact with people, and preferring your private time, spent alone. If you don't enjoy spending time alone, being antisocial is going to be pretty rough, if not impossible. While not all antisocial people are the same, or enjoy solitude for the same reasons, try to think about activities that you enjoy doing by yourself to figure out if you'll be able to make it work. Solitary activities may include:
Reading
Writing
Playing an instrument
Meditation
Prayer
Exercise
Hiking
Gardening
1-3. Devote yourself to schoolwork, or your work.
Usually, being antisocial is a by-product of being obsessed with other things and forgetting to socialize, or simply not having the time to socialize, not a goal in and of itself. But if you want to be less attached to your social commitments, the best and most productive way to do it is to throw your attention and your effort into school or work, and forget everything else.
Instead of going home and chatting with friends on Facebook or going out, do your homework, or come up with new ideas for streamlining processes at work. Better yet, stay late at the office, or head to the library to study.
Work-obsessions don't actually have to be work or school related. Find topics or hobbies that interest you and get lost in them. Spend your evenings building model trains or writing code or making synth epics instead of socializing.
1-4. Make your living space a sanctuary.
If you want to spend less time around people, give yourself a comfortable living space so you'll enjoy staying in instead of going out. Whether you already live alone, or you live at home with your family, or live with roommates, you should carve out a space for yourself that's just yours, filled with all the things to keep your interests fueled and your alone time sacred.
If you live with your parents, make your room your sanctuary. Fill it with posters, books, and other decorations that you like and that will make you feel like it's yours. Hang a "Do Not Enter" sign on the door and keep it sacred.
If you live with roommates, try keeping your room as self-sufficient as possible, so you can avoid the common areas, if necessary. Get a mini-fridge for food and drink supplies, and get a hotplate, if possible.
If you live alone, take the time to decorate your apartment or house the way you like it. If nobody else is going to be around, sometimes we think there's no point in sprucing it up, but take the extra effort to make being home something special. Make it you.
1-5. Be alone in public, occasionally.
There's a difference between being antisocial and being a complete hermit. Unless you want to lose track of all social cues and become a total weirdo, it's good to spend some time in public, not socializing.
Go to the library to sit and read the paper, instead of getting it delivered to your house. This is a solitary activity, but you can do it in public and get a little people-watching in to feel like you're not completely alone.
Go out to eat occasionally and sit at the bar alone. Bring a book, if you're concerned about feeling embarrassed, even though there's no need to be sheepish.
1-6. Get a pet.
Feelings of isolation can start becoming a little grim if you spend too much time alone. To keep some emotional connection in your life, try getting a small pet to take care of, to stave off the blues.
If you're an outdoorsy type, get a dog to take with you on hikes and enjoy brisk walks together in the evenings.
If you're more of an indoors person, get a cat to curl up on your chest while you're trying to work on the computer.
If you don't want the commitment of a bigger pet, consider a caged animal like a rabbit, bird, or other small furry pet that's a little easier to care for.
2. Being Antisocial
2-1. Keep your distance.
It's difficult to get to know antisocial people. The more you make it clear to the people in your life that you're a nut that can't be cracked, the easier it will be to spend time alone, because people will eventually stop trying to get to know you. Maintain an emotional distance from the people around you.
Used closed body-language when you're in public to communicate that you don't want to be approached or engaged. Cross your arms, avoid eye-contact, and keep like you're focused on something else.
Don't volunteer information about yourself, if it isn't necessary. Be vague about who you are, what you do, and where you come from. If people ask you questions about your personal life, change the subject.
2-2. Speak less.
When you are around people, in public, one of the best ways to communicate your desire to be alone is to be silent. Don't say anything at all, unless it's absolutely necessary, and even then try to limit your speech to the bare minimum of communication. Be like a Clint Eastwood character. Let your stare do the talking, then answer in monosyllables.
2-3. Focus on one-on-one interactions.
It's unlikely that you'll be able to ever be truly solitary, but that doesn't mean you have to be a social butterfly. To keep your contacts as limited and controlled as possible, try to keep things one-on-one, as much as possible.
Don't have birthday parties for yourself, spend time with a close friend, hanging out at home, or having dinner. If you're invited to a party, make contact with the host and tell them you can't come, but invite them for a one-on-one hang-out, if necessary.
If you choose to date, make sure to be honest with people. If you're dating someone who likes to hang out with people on a regular basis, that might be a deal-breaker for both of you.
To combat social anxiety, try to understand the origins of that anxiety. Think about the variables that make this anxiety better or worse.
Maybe you prefer less crowded environments to interact. You might find you are at your best when playing games with people you like.
You should not treat social anxiety by avoiding it. The path through social anxiety can be like building muscle. You start with something light and manageable and build a progression to work toward your goal.
2-4. Suspend your social network accounts.
Try to make sure there's as little web record of you as possible. Cancel or suspend your social networking accounts for the time being, and delete them if you're serious about this antisocial thing.
Make your other online accounts as various and randomized as possible, to keep yourself anonymous. Don't use the same user names and passwords, and don't use your real name to register for things.
You're not being anti-social if you stay at home on the occasional Friday night, live-Tweeting your TV binge. Increasingly, our social lives exist online, and if you want to keep people out of your business, you need to stay out of their business as well. No more Facebook snooping.
2-5. Figure out your own solution to problems.
The less you need to rely on other people for help, the more you'll be able to rely on yourself. Be as self-sufficient as possible and endeavor to find your own solutions to your problems, instead of asking other people for help.
Google is your friend. If you don't know how to do something, research it and try to figure it out on your own. At least get informed about topics before you take it to an expert, or someone who's more experienced.
You don't have to interact with people at the body shop if you can change your oil properly, rotate your tires, and do other basic vehicle maintenance. You don't need to go the farmer's market if you can grow your own vegetables in your garden.
2-6. Know when to cut off relationships.
In the movie Heat, Robert De Niro's bank robber likes to say that he doesn't have anything in his life he couldn't walk out on, if he saw the cops coming around the corner. If you want to live the solitary life, you've got to keep yourself unattached and distant. You might consider cutting off relationships when people get too close.
If you feel like someone's too much in your inner life, encroaching on your solitude, cut it off abruptly, at least for a time, to put some distance back into things. In general, it's helpful to live alone, so you've always got a home-base to return to.
Of course, in the movie, De Niro gets too close to someone and rethinks everything. It happens, and it's hard to be truly antisocial in the longterm.
2-7. Move around a lot.
Stay distant from your neighbors and make it hard to form long term relationships by uprooting yourself. It's helpful to be a rolling stone. Try to switch towns every couple years, if it's possible, and switch apartments or living spaces more regularly, when you're in the same town.
Moving around also serves to help keep your life lively and interesting. If you live in the same house all the time, never see new people, and nothing changes, being antisocial could get pretty boring.
2-8. Be a minimalist.
To move around and stay as mobile as possible, try to limit your belongings as well as your social interactions. Think of it this way: the less shopping you do, and the less stuff you need, the less you'll need to be around people and deal with the consequences of all that stuff. Limit your buying and selling as much as you can. Simplify.
2-9. Find work that will keep you busy and isolated.
There are a variety of careers and fields that work well with antisocial types. If you're not a big fan of "people," consider looking into any of the following career fields as possibilities in the long term:
Night security
Writing
Data entry
Long haul truck driving
Nature photography
Computer programming
2-10. Stop apologizing
You don't need to apologize for yourself and the way you are, or position yourself underneath others socially. If you're introverted and prefer being alone instead of going to parties and socializing, you don't need to attempt to "change" your behavior or yourself. Don't apologize for the way you are.
People with antisocial personality disorder will often display an inability to show remorse, which can be a serious problem, and a distinct difference from introverts who apologize too much. If you're actually unable to feel sorry for someone, it's a sign of a serious psychological problem. If you think your antisocial behavior may be a problem and you wish to change, seek counseling immediately.
3. Negotiating Common Social Interactions
3-1. Get through school.
Negotiating your school career is a common problem for antisocial people. It's important to remember that you're not above your peers, your teachers, or anyone at your school. The more you can accept the things that make you alike, instead of focusing on the ways in which you're different, the easier getting through school will be.
If you struggle to make friends in school, things can be a lot more challenging. Try to find a small group of people that you trust and enjoy to spend time with. Often, people who struggle with antisocial tendencies can thrive with a good group of friends.
The "popular" kids at your school don't make for ideal friends in every case. Ignore them and make a different group of friends. Antisocial teenagers commonly describe a disdain for the popular crowd, and it's always more healthy to ignore that scene as much as possible.
3-2. Put your head down at work.
The workplace can be another challenging environment for antisocial people. Having to deal with a variety of personalities and authority figures can tax anyone's social skills, especially if you prefer your own company. While lots of the specifics of negotiating your work day will have to do with your particular job, you can learn to do a few things to keep yourself happy and healthy.
Avoid group projects and collaborative efforts, which can cause conflicts for people with antisocial tendencies. Do your own work.
Nod and smile to authority figures. You don't have to like your boss, but if you want to keep your job, you need to keep your feelings under control. Avoid awkward confrontations.
Have a variety of other hobbies and interests outside of work. If work proves to be a challenging social environment, make friends and spend time doing lots of things outside of work to help keep your personal time busy and engaged.
3-3. Just make an appearance at parties, then leave.
Big crowds of people yelling and dancing and screaming and taking selfies? Parties are a big bummer for introverts and antisocial people alike, and trying to negotiate invitations can cause stress and anxiety. Stop worrying about whether or not you'll let an acquaintance down by not showing up to the party because you want to stay home and read. Plan to make a quick stop in and then go back to doing what you want to do.
Do a quick run through the party, stay long enough for a snack and a free drink, make a break for the bathroom, then ditch out the backdoor and make your getaway.
If you can't sneak away, make up an excuse to leave, or don't. You don't owe anyone an explanation more complicated than, "Well, I've got to get going. Good party!"
3-4. Time pick-ups better to avoid awkward chats.
If you pick up your kids from school and want to avoid awkward, pointless conversations with the other parents while you wait, just learn to time your trip better to avoid having to wait for long periods of time. Grab a coffee on your way to the school and show up the moment school lets out. Wait in your car until you see your child, then make up an excuse to get going.
Fake a phone conversation, if you need to. You don't need to be a great actor to pick up your phone and say, "Mmhmm... yeah" once every 20 seconds or so.
3-5. Get help if you struggle to stay out of trouble.
Antisocial behavior is generally characterized as a disorder, not something that someone chooses, because it involves an inability to follow the traditional laws and expectations that govern a society. People displaying antisocial behavior may have repeated problems with arrest or other behavioral problems. Other signs of antisocial behavior in need of medical and psychological evaluation include:
Repeatedly lying or conning others
Failing to plan for the future
Overly aggressive behavior and recklessness
Inability to keep a job
Lack of remorse for behaviors
Tips
Being antisocial doesn't mean you can't have SOME friends, no matter what the dictionary says. Try to find one or two good friends and stick with them.
Some antisocial people are being anti-social unwillingly (these people tend to be naturally shy and keep things to themselves). Try finding someone like this in your classes (shouldn't be hard, they'll probably be the only ones who don't talk very much) and watching how they act. Don't be like a stalker or anything, but try to see what it is that makes people not bring them into a conversation.
Warnings
Being anti-social can turn on you. The unpopularity can make others wary of you, and in turn hurt you in a variety of different ways. Just be careful about how you go at being the invisible butterfly.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:19",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Understanding Antisocial Behavior\\n1-1. Distinguish between introversion and anti-social behavior.\\nThe word \\\"antisocial\\\" is commonly used to describe the behavior of introverts, who may not often feel like socializing compared to more social extroverts. The clinical definition of antisocial behavior is somewhat different, however, making it important to distinguish between the two for an accurate understanding.\\nAntisocial behavior is characterized in much the same way as psychopathy or sociopathy. Some studies report that harsh or inconsistent parenting can be a risk factor for antisocial behavior. People who exhibit antisocial personalities tend to be cynical and unable to empathize with others, or recognize the suffering of others. Antisocial behavior is sometimes characterized by superficial charm, an inflated ego, and a general disdain for the feelings of other people.\\n\\nIntroverted behavior is a sign of a normal social temperament, characterized by a preference for solitude. Introverts are task-oriented, and typically more engaged in solitary reflection and less engaged by interacting with others. While introverts may seem to display some of the superficial characteristics of antisocial behavior, there is no direct link between the two.\\n1-2. Enjoy your private time.\\nBeing antisocial is basically just avoiding contact with people, and preferring your private time, spent alone. If you don't enjoy spending time alone, being antisocial is going to be pretty rough, if not impossible. While not all antisocial people are the same, or enjoy solitude for the same reasons, try to think about activities that you enjoy doing by yourself to figure out if you'll be able to make it work. Solitary activities may include:\\nReading\\nWriting\\nPlaying an instrument\\nMeditation\\nPrayer\\nExercise\\nHiking\\nGardening\\n1-3. Devote yourself to schoolwork, or your work.\\nUsually, being antisocial is a by-product of being obsessed with other things and forgetting to socialize, or simply not having the time to socialize, not a goal in and of itself. But if you want to be less attached to your social commitments, the best and most productive way to do it is to throw your attention and your effort into school or work, and forget everything else.\\nInstead of going home and chatting with friends on Facebook or going out, do your homework, or come up with new ideas for streamlining processes at work. Better yet, stay late at the office, or head to the library to study.\\nWork-obsessions don't actually have to be work or school related. Find topics or hobbies that interest you and get lost in them. Spend your evenings building model trains or writing code or making synth epics instead of socializing.\\n1-4. Make your living space a sanctuary.\\nIf you want to spend less time around people, give yourself a comfortable living space so you'll enjoy staying in instead of going out. Whether you already live alone, or you live at home with your family, or live with roommates, you should carve out a space for yourself that's just yours, filled with all the things to keep your interests fueled and your alone time sacred.\\nIf you live with your parents, make your room your sanctuary. Fill it with posters, books, and other decorations that you like and that will make you feel like it's yours. Hang a \\\"Do Not Enter\\\" sign on the door and keep it sacred.\\nIf you live with roommates, try keeping your room as self-sufficient as possible, so you can avoid the common areas, if necessary. Get a mini-fridge for food and drink supplies, and get a hotplate, if possible.\\nIf you live alone, take the time to decorate your apartment or house the way you like it. If nobody else is going to be around, sometimes we think there's no point in sprucing it up, but take the extra effort to make being home something special. Make it you.\\n1-5. Be alone in public, occasionally.\\nThere's a difference between being antisocial and being a complete hermit. Unless you want to lose track of all social cues and become a total weirdo, it's good to spend some time in public, not socializing.\\nGo to the library to sit and read the paper, instead of getting it delivered to your house. This is a solitary activity, but you can do it in public and get a little people-watching in to feel like you're not completely alone.\\nGo out to eat occasionally and sit at the bar alone. Bring a book, if you're concerned about feeling embarrassed, even though there's no need to be sheepish.\\n1-6. Get a pet.\\nFeelings of isolation can start becoming a little grim if you spend too much time alone. To keep some emotional connection in your life, try getting a small pet to take care of, to stave off the blues.\\nIf you're an outdoorsy type, get a dog to take with you on hikes and enjoy brisk walks together in the evenings.\\nIf you're more of an indoors person, get a cat to curl up on your chest while you're trying to work on the computer.\\nIf you don't want the commitment of a bigger pet, consider a caged animal like a rabbit, bird, or other small furry pet that's a little easier to care for.\\n2. Being Antisocial\\n2-1. Keep your distance.\\nIt's difficult to get to know antisocial people. The more you make it clear to the people in your life that you're a nut that can't be cracked, the easier it will be to spend time alone, because people will eventually stop trying to get to know you. Maintain an emotional distance from the people around you.\\nUsed closed body-language when you're in public to communicate that you don't want to be approached or engaged. Cross your arms, avoid eye-contact, and keep like you're focused on something else.\\nDon't volunteer information about yourself, if it isn't necessary. Be vague about who you are, what you do, and where you come from. If people ask you questions about your personal life, change the subject.\\n2-2. Speak less.\\nWhen you are around people, in public, one of the best ways to communicate your desire to be alone is to be silent. Don't say anything at all, unless it's absolutely necessary, and even then try to limit your speech to the bare minimum of communication. Be like a Clint Eastwood character. Let your stare do the talking, then answer in monosyllables.\\n2-3. Focus on one-on-one interactions.\\nIt's unlikely that you'll be able to ever be truly solitary, but that doesn't mean you have to be a social butterfly. To keep your contacts as limited and controlled as possible, try to keep things one-on-one, as much as possible.\\nDon't have birthday parties for yourself, spend time with a close friend, hanging out at home, or having dinner. If you're invited to a party, make contact with the host and tell them you can't come, but invite them for a one-on-one hang-out, if necessary.\\nIf you choose to date, make sure to be honest with people. If you're dating someone who likes to hang out with people on a regular basis, that might be a deal-breaker for both of you.\\nTo combat social anxiety, try to understand the origins of that anxiety. Think about the variables that make this anxiety better or worse.\\nMaybe you prefer less crowded environments to interact. You might find you are at your best when playing games with people you like.\\nYou should not treat social anxiety by avoiding it. The path through social anxiety can be like building muscle. You start with something light and manageable and build a progression to work toward your goal.\\n2-4. Suspend your social network accounts.\\nTry to make sure there's as little web record of you as possible. Cancel or suspend your social networking accounts for the time being, and delete them if you're serious about this antisocial thing.\\nMake your other online accounts as various and randomized as possible, to keep yourself anonymous. Don't use the same user names and passwords, and don't use your real name to register for things.\\nYou're not being anti-social if you stay at home on the occasional Friday night, live-Tweeting your TV binge. Increasingly, our social lives exist online, and if you want to keep people out of your business, you need to stay out of their business as well. No more Facebook snooping.\\n2-5. Figure out your own solution to problems.\\nThe less you need to rely on other people for help, the more you'll be able to rely on yourself. Be as self-sufficient as possible and endeavor to find your own solutions to your problems, instead of asking other people for help.\\nGoogle is your friend. If you don't know how to do something, research it and try to figure it out on your own. At least get informed about topics before you take it to an expert, or someone who's more experienced.\\nYou don't have to interact with people at the body shop if you can change your oil properly, rotate your tires, and do other basic vehicle maintenance. You don't need to go the farmer's market if you can grow your own vegetables in your garden.\\n2-6. Know when to cut off relationships.\\nIn the movie Heat, Robert De Niro's bank robber likes to say that he doesn't have anything in his life he couldn't walk out on, if he saw the cops coming around the corner. If you want to live the solitary life, you've got to keep yourself unattached and distant. You might consider cutting off relationships when people get too close.\\nIf you feel like someone's too much in your inner life, encroaching on your solitude, cut it off abruptly, at least for a time, to put some distance back into things. In general, it's helpful to live alone, so you've always got a home-base to return to.\\nOf course, in the movie, De Niro gets too close to someone and rethinks everything. It happens, and it's hard to be truly antisocial in the longterm.\\n2-7. Move around a lot.\\nStay distant from your neighbors and make it hard to form long term relationships by uprooting yourself. It's helpful to be a rolling stone. Try to switch towns every couple years, if it's possible, and switch apartments or living spaces more regularly, when you're in the same town.\\nMoving around also serves to help keep your life lively and interesting. If you live in the same house all the time, never see new people, and nothing changes, being antisocial could get pretty boring.\\n2-8. Be a minimalist.\\nTo move around and stay as mobile as possible, try to limit your belongings as well as your social interactions. Think of it this way: the less shopping you do, and the less stuff you need, the less you'll need to be around people and deal with the consequences of all that stuff. Limit your buying and selling as much as you can. Simplify.\\n2-9. Find work that will keep you busy and isolated.\\nThere are a variety of careers and fields that work well with antisocial types. If you're not a big fan of \\\"people,\\\" consider looking into any of the following career fields as possibilities in the long term:\\nNight security\\nWriting\\nData entry\\nLong haul truck driving\\nNature photography\\nComputer programming\\n2-10. Stop apologizing\\nYou don't need to apologize for yourself and the way you are, or position yourself underneath others socially. If you're introverted and prefer being alone instead of going to parties and socializing, you don't need to attempt to \\\"change\\\" your behavior or yourself. Don't apologize for the way you are.\\nPeople with antisocial personality disorder will often display an inability to show remorse, which can be a serious problem, and a distinct difference from introverts who apologize too much. If you're actually unable to feel sorry for someone, it's a sign of a serious psychological problem. If you think your antisocial behavior may be a problem and you wish to change, seek counseling immediately.\\n3. Negotiating Common Social Interactions\\n3-1. Get through school.\\nNegotiating your school career is a common problem for antisocial people. It's important to remember that you're not above your peers, your teachers, or anyone at your school. The more you can accept the things that make you alike, instead of focusing on the ways in which you're different, the easier getting through school will be.\\nIf you struggle to make friends in school, things can be a lot more challenging. Try to find a small group of people that you trust and enjoy to spend time with. Often, people who struggle with antisocial tendencies can thrive with a good group of friends.\\nThe \\\"popular\\\" kids at your school don't make for ideal friends in every case. Ignore them and make a different group of friends. Antisocial teenagers commonly describe a disdain for the popular crowd, and it's always more healthy to ignore that scene as much as possible.\\n3-2. Put your head down at work.\\nThe workplace can be another challenging environment for antisocial people. Having to deal with a variety of personalities and authority figures can tax anyone's social skills, especially if you prefer your own company. While lots of the specifics of negotiating your work day will have to do with your particular job, you can learn to do a few things to keep yourself happy and healthy.\\nAvoid group projects and collaborative efforts, which can cause conflicts for people with antisocial tendencies. Do your own work.\\nNod and smile to authority figures. You don't have to like your boss, but if you want to keep your job, you need to keep your feelings under control. Avoid awkward confrontations.\\nHave a variety of other hobbies and interests outside of work. If work proves to be a challenging social environment, make friends and spend time doing lots of things outside of work to help keep your personal time busy and engaged.\\n3-3. Just make an appearance at parties, then leave.\\nBig crowds of people yelling and dancing and screaming and taking selfies? Parties are a big bummer for introverts and antisocial people alike, and trying to negotiate invitations can cause stress and anxiety. Stop worrying about whether or not you'll let an acquaintance down by not showing up to the party because you want to stay home and read. Plan to make a quick stop in and then go back to doing what you want to do.\\nDo a quick run through the party, stay long enough for a snack and a free drink, make a break for the bathroom, then ditch out the backdoor and make your getaway.\\nIf you can't sneak away, make up an excuse to leave, or don't. You don't owe anyone an explanation more complicated than, \\\"Well, I've got to get going. Good party!\\\"\\n3-4. Time pick-ups better to avoid awkward chats.\\nIf you pick up your kids from school and want to avoid awkward, pointless conversations with the other parents while you wait, just learn to time your trip better to avoid having to wait for long periods of time. Grab a coffee on your way to the school and show up the moment school lets out. Wait in your car until you see your child, then make up an excuse to get going.\\nFake a phone conversation, if you need to. You don't need to be a great actor to pick up your phone and say, \\\"Mmhmm... yeah\\\" once every 20 seconds or so.\\n3-5. Get help if you struggle to stay out of trouble.\\nAntisocial behavior is generally characterized as a disorder, not something that someone chooses, because it involves an inability to follow the traditional laws and expectations that govern a society. People displaying antisocial behavior may have repeated problems with arrest or other behavioral problems. Other signs of antisocial behavior in need of medical and psychological evaluation include:\\nRepeatedly lying or conning others\\nFailing to plan for the future\\nOverly aggressive behavior and recklessness\\nInability to keep a job\\nLack of remorse for behaviors\\nTips\\nBeing antisocial doesn't mean you can't have SOME friends, no matter what the dictionary says. Try to find one or two good friends and stick with them.\\nSome antisocial people are being anti-social unwillingly (these people tend to be naturally shy and keep things to themselves). Try finding someone like this in your classes (shouldn't be hard, they'll probably be the only ones who don't talk very much) and watching how they act. Don't be like a stalker or anything, but try to see what it is that makes people not bring them into a conversation.\\nWarnings\\nBeing anti-social can turn on you. The unpopularity can make others wary of you, and in turn hurt you in a variety of different ways. Just be careful about how you go at being the invisible butterfly.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Antisocial behavior can mean different things in different contexts, so it's important to distinguish between the different senses of the word. Sometimes introverts need to disengage a bit from our social lives and live more solitary existences, while clinical antisocial behavior can be a more significant problem. Whether you think you're antisocial and want to be sure, or if you want to see what a more isolated existence is all about, you can learn how to enjoy spending time alone, how to limit your contact with others, and how to negotiate common social interactions that can be trouble for antisocial people.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Understanding Antisocial Behavior\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Distinguish between introversion and anti-social behavior.\", \"描述\": \"The word \\\"antisocial\\\" is commonly used to describe the behavior of introverts, who may not often feel like socializing compared to more social extroverts. The clinical definition of antisocial behavior is somewhat different, however, making it important to distinguish between the two for an accurate understanding.\\nAntisocial behavior is characterized in much the same way as psychopathy or sociopathy. Some studies report that harsh or inconsistent parenting can be a risk factor for antisocial behavior. People who exhibit antisocial personalities tend to be cynical and unable to empathize with others, or recognize the suffering of others. Antisocial behavior is sometimes characterized by superficial charm, an inflated ego, and a general disdain for the feelings of other people.\\n\\nIntroverted behavior is a sign of a normal social temperament, characterized by a preference for solitude. Introverts are task-oriented, and typically more engaged in solitary reflection and less engaged by interacting with others. While introverts may seem to display some of the superficial characteristics of antisocial behavior, there is no direct link between the two.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Enjoy your private time.\", \"描述\": \"Being antisocial is basically just avoiding contact with people, and preferring your private time, spent alone. If you don't enjoy spending time alone, being antisocial is going to be pretty rough, if not impossible. While not all antisocial people are the same, or enjoy solitude for the same reasons, try to think about activities that you enjoy doing by yourself to figure out if you'll be able to make it work. Solitary activities may include:\\nReading\\nWriting\\nPlaying an instrument\\nMeditation\\nPrayer\\nExercise\\nHiking\\nGardening\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Devote yourself to schoolwork, or your work.\", \"描述\": \"Usually, being antisocial is a by-product of being obsessed with other things and forgetting to socialize, or simply not having the time to socialize, not a goal in and of itself. But if you want to be less attached to your social commitments, the best and most productive way to do it is to throw your attention and your effort into school or work, and forget everything else.\\nInstead of going home and chatting with friends on Facebook or going out, do your homework, or come up with new ideas for streamlining processes at work. Better yet, stay late at the office, or head to the library to study.\\nWork-obsessions don't actually have to be work or school related. Find topics or hobbies that interest you and get lost in them. Spend your evenings building model trains or writing code or making synth epics instead of socializing.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Make your living space a sanctuary.\", \"描述\": \"If you want to spend less time around people, give yourself a comfortable living space so you'll enjoy staying in instead of going out. Whether you already live alone, or you live at home with your family, or live with roommates, you should carve out a space for yourself that's just yours, filled with all the things to keep your interests fueled and your alone time sacred.\\nIf you live with your parents, make your room your sanctuary. Fill it with posters, books, and other decorations that you like and that will make you feel like it's yours. Hang a \\\"Do Not Enter\\\" sign on the door and keep it sacred.\\nIf you live with roommates, try keeping your room as self-sufficient as possible, so you can avoid the common areas, if necessary. Get a mini-fridge for food and drink supplies, and get a hotplate, if possible.\\nIf you live alone, take the time to decorate your apartment or house the way you like it. If nobody else is going to be around, sometimes we think there's no point in sprucing it up, but take the extra effort to make being home something special. Make it you.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be alone in public, occasionally.\", \"描述\": \"There's a difference between being antisocial and being a complete hermit. Unless you want to lose track of all social cues and become a total weirdo, it's good to spend some time in public, not socializing.\\nGo to the library to sit and read the paper, instead of getting it delivered to your house. This is a solitary activity, but you can do it in public and get a little people-watching in to feel like you're not completely alone.\\nGo out to eat occasionally and sit at the bar alone. Bring a book, if you're concerned about feeling embarrassed, even though there's no need to be sheepish.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Get a pet.\", \"描述\": \"Feelings of isolation can start becoming a little grim if you spend too much time alone. To keep some emotional connection in your life, try getting a small pet to take care of, to stave off the blues.\\nIf you're an outdoorsy type, get a dog to take with you on hikes and enjoy brisk walks together in the evenings.\\nIf you're more of an indoors person, get a cat to curl up on your chest while you're trying to work on the computer.\\nIf you don't want the commitment of a bigger pet, consider a caged animal like a rabbit, bird, or other small furry pet that's a little easier to care for.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being Antisocial\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Keep your distance.\", \"描述\": \"It's difficult to get to know antisocial people. The more you make it clear to the people in your life that you're a nut that can't be cracked, the easier it will be to spend time alone, because people will eventually stop trying to get to know you. Maintain an emotional distance from the people around you.\\nUsed closed body-language when you're in public to communicate that you don't want to be approached or engaged. Cross your arms, avoid eye-contact, and keep like you're focused on something else.\\nDon't volunteer information about yourself, if it isn't necessary. Be vague about who you are, what you do, and where you come from. If people ask you questions about your personal life, change the subject.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Speak less.\", \"描述\": \"When you are around people, in public, one of the best ways to communicate your desire to be alone is to be silent. Don't say anything at all, unless it's absolutely necessary, and even then try to limit your speech to the bare minimum of communication. Be like a Clint Eastwood character. Let your stare do the talking, then answer in monosyllables.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Focus on one-on-one interactions.\", \"描述\": \"It's unlikely that you'll be able to ever be truly solitary, but that doesn't mean you have to be a social butterfly. To keep your contacts as limited and controlled as possible, try to keep things one-on-one, as much as possible.\\nDon't have birthday parties for yourself, spend time with a close friend, hanging out at home, or having dinner. If you're invited to a party, make contact with the host and tell them you can't come, but invite them for a one-on-one hang-out, if necessary.\\nIf you choose to date, make sure to be honest with people. If you're dating someone who likes to hang out with people on a regular basis, that might be a deal-breaker for both of you.\\nTo combat social anxiety, try to understand the origins of that anxiety. Think about the variables that make this anxiety better or worse.\\nMaybe you prefer less crowded environments to interact. You might find you are at your best when playing games with people you like.\\nYou should not treat social anxiety by avoiding it. The path through social anxiety can be like building muscle. You start with something light and manageable and build a progression to work toward your goal.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Suspend your social network accounts.\", \"描述\": \"Try to make sure there's as little web record of you as possible. Cancel or suspend your social networking accounts for the time being, and delete them if you're serious about this antisocial thing.\\nMake your other online accounts as various and randomized as possible, to keep yourself anonymous. Don't use the same user names and passwords, and don't use your real name to register for things.\\nYou're not being anti-social if you stay at home on the occasional Friday night, live-Tweeting your TV binge. Increasingly, our social lives exist online, and if you want to keep people out of your business, you need to stay out of their business as well. No more Facebook snooping.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Figure out your own solution to problems.\", \"描述\": \"The less you need to rely on other people for help, the more you'll be able to rely on yourself. Be as self-sufficient as possible and endeavor to find your own solutions to your problems, instead of asking other people for help.\\nGoogle is your friend. If you don't know how to do something, research it and try to figure it out on your own. At least get informed about topics before you take it to an expert, or someone who's more experienced.\\nYou don't have to interact with people at the body shop if you can change your oil properly, rotate your tires, and do other basic vehicle maintenance. You don't need to go the farmer's market if you can grow your own vegetables in your garden.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Know when to cut off relationships.\", \"描述\": \"In the movie Heat, Robert De Niro's bank robber likes to say that he doesn't have anything in his life he couldn't walk out on, if he saw the cops coming around the corner. If you want to live the solitary life, you've got to keep yourself unattached and distant. You might consider cutting off relationships when people get too close.\\nIf you feel like someone's too much in your inner life, encroaching on your solitude, cut it off abruptly, at least for a time, to put some distance back into things. In general, it's helpful to live alone, so you've always got a home-base to return to.\\nOf course, in the movie, De Niro gets too close to someone and rethinks everything. It happens, and it's hard to be truly antisocial in the longterm.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Move around a lot.\", \"描述\": \"Stay distant from your neighbors and make it hard to form long term relationships by uprooting yourself. It's helpful to be a rolling stone. Try to switch towns every couple years, if it's possible, and switch apartments or living spaces more regularly, when you're in the same town.\\nMoving around also serves to help keep your life lively and interesting. If you live in the same house all the time, never see new people, and nothing changes, being antisocial could get pretty boring.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Be a minimalist.\", \"描述\": \"To move around and stay as mobile as possible, try to limit your belongings as well as your social interactions. Think of it this way: the less shopping you do, and the less stuff you need, the less you'll need to be around people and deal with the consequences of all that stuff. Limit your buying and selling as much as you can. Simplify.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Find work that will keep you busy and isolated.\", \"描述\": \"There are a variety of careers and fields that work well with antisocial types. If you're not a big fan of \\\"people,\\\" consider looking into any of the following career fields as possibilities in the long term:\\nNight security\\nWriting\\nData entry\\nLong haul truck driving\\nNature photography\\nComputer programming\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Stop apologizing\", \"描述\": \"You don't need to apologize for yourself and the way you are, or position yourself underneath others socially. If you're introverted and prefer being alone instead of going to parties and socializing, you don't need to attempt to \\\"change\\\" your behavior or yourself. Don't apologize for the way you are.\\nPeople with antisocial personality disorder will often display an inability to show remorse, which can be a serious problem, and a distinct difference from introverts who apologize too much. If you're actually unable to feel sorry for someone, it's a sign of a serious psychological problem. If you think your antisocial behavior may be a problem and you wish to change, seek counseling immediately.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Negotiating Common Social Interactions\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Get through school.\", \"描述\": \"Negotiating your school career is a common problem for antisocial people. It's important to remember that you're not above your peers, your teachers, or anyone at your school. The more you can accept the things that make you alike, instead of focusing on the ways in which you're different, the easier getting through school will be.\\nIf you struggle to make friends in school, things can be a lot more challenging. Try to find a small group of people that you trust and enjoy to spend time with. Often, people who struggle with antisocial tendencies can thrive with a good group of friends.\\nThe \\\"popular\\\" kids at your school don't make for ideal friends in every case. Ignore them and make a different group of friends. Antisocial teenagers commonly describe a disdain for the popular crowd, and it's always more healthy to ignore that scene as much as possible.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Put your head down at work.\", \"描述\": \"The workplace can be another challenging environment for antisocial people. Having to deal with a variety of personalities and authority figures can tax anyone's social skills, especially if you prefer your own company. While lots of the specifics of negotiating your work day will have to do with your particular job, you can learn to do a few things to keep yourself happy and healthy.\\nAvoid group projects and collaborative efforts, which can cause conflicts for people with antisocial tendencies. Do your own work.\\nNod and smile to authority figures. You don't have to like your boss, but if you want to keep your job, you need to keep your feelings under control. Avoid awkward confrontations.\\nHave a variety of other hobbies and interests outside of work. If work proves to be a challenging social environment, make friends and spend time doing lots of things outside of work to help keep your personal time busy and engaged.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Just make an appearance at parties, then leave.\", \"描述\": \"Big crowds of people yelling and dancing and screaming and taking selfies? Parties are a big bummer for introverts and antisocial people alike, and trying to negotiate invitations can cause stress and anxiety. Stop worrying about whether or not you'll let an acquaintance down by not showing up to the party because you want to stay home and read. Plan to make a quick stop in and then go back to doing what you want to do.\\nDo a quick run through the party, stay long enough for a snack and a free drink, make a break for the bathroom, then ditch out the backdoor and make your getaway.\\nIf you can't sneak away, make up an excuse to leave, or don't. You don't owe anyone an explanation more complicated than, \\\"Well, I've got to get going. Good party!\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Time pick-ups better to avoid awkward chats.\", \"描述\": \"If you pick up your kids from school and want to avoid awkward, pointless conversations with the other parents while you wait, just learn to time your trip better to avoid having to wait for long periods of time. Grab a coffee on your way to the school and show up the moment school lets out. Wait in your car until you see your child, then make up an excuse to get going.\\nFake a phone conversation, if you need to. You don't need to be a great actor to pick up your phone and say, \\\"Mmhmm... yeah\\\" once every 20 seconds or so.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Get help if you struggle to stay out of trouble.\", \"描述\": \"Antisocial behavior is generally characterized as a disorder, not something that someone chooses, because it involves an inability to follow the traditional laws and expectations that govern a society. People displaying antisocial behavior may have repeated problems with arrest or other behavioral problems. Other signs of antisocial behavior in need of medical and psychological evaluation include:\\nRepeatedly lying or conning others\\nFailing to plan for the future\\nOverly aggressive behavior and recklessness\\nInability to keep a job\\nLack of remorse for behaviors\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Being antisocial doesn't mean you can't have SOME friends, no matter what the dictionary says. Try to find one or two good friends and stick with them.\\n\", \"Some antisocial people are being anti-social unwillingly (these people tend to be naturally shy and keep things to themselves). Try finding someone like this in your classes (shouldn't be hard, they'll probably be the only ones who don't talk very much) and watching how they act. Don't be like a stalker or anything, but try to see what it is that makes people not bring them into a conversation.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Being anti-social can turn on you. The unpopularity can make others wary of you, and in turn hurt you in a variety of different ways. Just be careful about how you go at being the invisible butterfly.\\n\"]}]}}",
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} | wikihow |
3,544 | How to Be Appointed to a Board of Directors | 1. Learning About the Company
1-1. Decide which type of board you would like to serve on.
Both for-profit and nonprofit companies have boards of directors. While it may be easier to find a board seat with a nonprofit, don’t assume that this position will make it easier for you to find a seat on a for-profit board in the future.
If the company is publicly traded, members of the board of directors are elected by shareholders, which often includes the company’s founder, if the business is still in an early stage. board members can often be nominated for the position by an existing board member. For nonprofits and government agencies, board members may be directly appointed by the CEO or by a government authority (for example, a member of the Cabinet).
Publicly traded companies often have large boards, while private companies (often younger or smaller businesses) will have fewer directors.
While large, publicly traded companies often pay their directors large salaries (or with generous stock options), smaller companies or nonprofits may give directors much smaller salaries.
1-2. Investigate board openings in an industry you’re familiar with.
Unless you already know the exact company to which you plan to ask for a board appointment, you’ll need to search for companies that would potentially welcome you to their board. The best place to begin your search is online. Check the directories of websites that will provide you with lists of boards that are looking for new directors.
Check websites including: BoardnetUSA, Volunteermatch, and Idealist for nonprofit board openings.
Use personal contacts that you already have to enhance your search. For example, business professors, former employers, or startup CEOs will be valuable advisors as you look for a potential Board to work on.
1-3. Choose a company to which you have something to offer.
In order to be considered as a viable candidate for a board of directors, you’ll need to offer expertise and insight to the board. A successful board will be assembles of diverse members, each with their own strength. By selecting a company which you can directly benefit, you’ll improve your chances of an appointment.
Many nonprofits and companies will be looking for an individual with financial experience, or a degree in finances. Corporate social-media experience is also currently in high demand.
Talk with a current director to see if you have credentials that the board is looking for.
Use your website findings to tailor your company search. The boards looking for new directors should make clear online which credentials they’re looking for.
1-4. Research current board members.
Looking into the existing directors—on a single board or across several—will give you a glimpse of what degrees, experience, and credentials are common among directors. Look to see:
If there are any gaps in the skills and qualifications of the current directors.
If any directors are approaching retirement.
If you could network with any of the directors, through mutual friends, a work associate, or other means.
2. Forming Personal Connections
2-1. Meet with existing board members.
You’ll be far more likely to earn a board appointment if you have a professional and personal relationship with an existing director. Find out who is already on the board of directors, and arrange a meeting with one of these people. A face-to-face meeting will allow you to directly state your case for an appointment as a director.
Use your professional network to connect you with directors on boards you’d like to serve on. Perhaps you already know someone who knows someone who knows one of these people.
When you speak to a board member, say something like, “We know each other through Sally - she's my coworker. I’m interested in serving on a board of directors, and would like to learn about your board.”
If you’d like to be more direct, say, “I’m interested in serving on your board of directors. How can I pursue this opportunity and show my qualifications?”
2-2. Find out detailed information about the board and company.
This will help you assess how you can present yourself and your skillset to maximize your appeal to the other directors. Ask for information regarding the current number of directors, how often new board members are brought on board, and the management style of the board.
Invite one of the directors out to lunch and ask if they’re willing to share information about the company. Make it clear that you’re interested in serving as a director, and would like some information concerning their experience serving on the board.
When you meet, say something like, “I’m looking for a board position to serve on, and your organization intrigued me. Do you know if the organization is interested in taking on a new board member?”
2-3. Attend networking events.
If you’re interested in making yourself available to a number of board positions at once, consider attending an event by the National Association of Corporate Directors. Events are open to members of the public, and you may be able to meet with (or learn about) multiple board members on a variety of board types.
2-4. State why you would be a valuable member of the board.
Especially if you do not already have a professional relationship with one of the directors, you’ll need to make the case for yourself. Explain what you can bring to offer the current board.
If the company serves a large portion of the country, you may wish to set yourself up as a regional representative, or a representative of a community that is not currently represented on the board. Say something like, “Although you do a lot of business in the south, I notice none of your directors are from there. I’ve lived in Alabama my whole life, and could help grow your business in that region.”
3. Asking for a Board Position
3-1. Do not rely on a search firm to find you a director position.
Search firms are companies that find directors to serve on specific boards. While their services sometimes work in the other direction as well—finding a board for potential first-time directors—this approach is less common.
You may get lucky with a search firm, so it’s not necessarily a bad idea to send your CV to one or two. Just don’t view this option as a guarantee to find you a board.
3-2. Ask for an appointment as a board member.
You should present yourself as a potential Director to the company’s CEO or an existing board member. You’ll need to be able to show that you can help the company generate profit, and that you have strong oversight and management skills. Also be prepared to speak to your business experience.
When asking for an appointment, say something like: “If you have any room on the board, I’d like to serve as one of the directors. I care about the mission of the organization, and think that my skills and experience will make me valuable.”
3-3. Prepare your CV in anticipation of a meeting or interview.
Tailor your resume so you can present yourself as a strong candidate for the specific board you would like to serve on. Highlight your leadership experience and your commitment to developing whatever industry or community the business or nonprofit works in.
Use your CV to present your strengths and qualifications in areas where other directors may be less qualified. This will indicate that you will be valuable to the board, and not duplicate the skills of an existing board member.
3-4. Explain your potential value as a director.
CEOs and shareholders will be looking for directors to enhance the existing board, and who can bring necessary skills to the table. Directors need to have professional diversity, so you can establish yourself as an expert in a field that will be helpful to the board. Say something like:
“I believe I would play a valuable role on your board, since I have had years of experience working in [marketing / sales / finance / human resources].”
“Since you don’t currently have a director who’s experienced with business law, I would be a valuable addition to the board, because I can fill that gap.”
Tips
The more you know before beginning to contact people, the better. You want to put yourself in a position where it becomes obvious that you are the right person for the job.
Spend time thinking about what you have to offer this company. Be sure to let your contact(s) know how you can be of service and what unique talents you can bring to the table.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:19",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Learning About the Company\\n1-1. Decide which type of board you would like to serve on.\\nBoth for-profit and nonprofit companies have boards of directors. While it may be easier to find a board seat with a nonprofit, don’t assume that this position will make it easier for you to find a seat on a for-profit board in the future.\\nIf the company is publicly traded, members of the board of directors are elected by shareholders, which often includes the company’s founder, if the business is still in an early stage. board members can often be nominated for the position by an existing board member. For nonprofits and government agencies, board members may be directly appointed by the CEO or by a government authority (for example, a member of the Cabinet).\\nPublicly traded companies often have large boards, while private companies (often younger or smaller businesses) will have fewer directors.\\nWhile large, publicly traded companies often pay their directors large salaries (or with generous stock options), smaller companies or nonprofits may give directors much smaller salaries.\\n1-2. Investigate board openings in an industry you’re familiar with.\\nUnless you already know the exact company to which you plan to ask for a board appointment, you’ll need to search for companies that would potentially welcome you to their board. The best place to begin your search is online. Check the directories of websites that will provide you with lists of boards that are looking for new directors.\\nCheck websites including: BoardnetUSA, Volunteermatch, and Idealist for nonprofit board openings.\\nUse personal contacts that you already have to enhance your search. For example, business professors, former employers, or startup CEOs will be valuable advisors as you look for a potential Board to work on.\\n1-3. Choose a company to which you have something to offer.\\nIn order to be considered as a viable candidate for a board of directors, you’ll need to offer expertise and insight to the board. A successful board will be assembles of diverse members, each with their own strength. By selecting a company which you can directly benefit, you’ll improve your chances of an appointment.\\nMany nonprofits and companies will be looking for an individual with financial experience, or a degree in finances. Corporate social-media experience is also currently in high demand.\\nTalk with a current director to see if you have credentials that the board is looking for.\\nUse your website findings to tailor your company search. The boards looking for new directors should make clear online which credentials they’re looking for.\\n1-4. Research current board members.\\nLooking into the existing directors—on a single board or across several—will give you a glimpse of what degrees, experience, and credentials are common among directors. Look to see:\\nIf there are any gaps in the skills and qualifications of the current directors.\\nIf any directors are approaching retirement.\\nIf you could network with any of the directors, through mutual friends, a work associate, or other means.\\n2. Forming Personal Connections\\n2-1. Meet with existing board members.\\nYou’ll be far more likely to earn a board appointment if you have a professional and personal relationship with an existing director. Find out who is already on the board of directors, and arrange a meeting with one of these people. A face-to-face meeting will allow you to directly state your case for an appointment as a director.\\nUse your professional network to connect you with directors on boards you’d like to serve on. Perhaps you already know someone who knows someone who knows one of these people.\\nWhen you speak to a board member, say something like, “We know each other through Sally - she's my coworker. I’m interested in serving on a board of directors, and would like to learn about your board.”\\nIf you’d like to be more direct, say, “I’m interested in serving on your board of directors. How can I pursue this opportunity and show my qualifications?”\\n2-2. Find out detailed information about the board and company.\\nThis will help you assess how you can present yourself and your skillset to maximize your appeal to the other directors. Ask for information regarding the current number of directors, how often new board members are brought on board, and the management style of the board.\\nInvite one of the directors out to lunch and ask if they’re willing to share information about the company. Make it clear that you’re interested in serving as a director, and would like some information concerning their experience serving on the board.\\nWhen you meet, say something like, “I’m looking for a board position to serve on, and your organization intrigued me. Do you know if the organization is interested in taking on a new board member?”\\n2-3. Attend networking events.\\nIf you’re interested in making yourself available to a number of board positions at once, consider attending an event by the National Association of Corporate Directors. Events are open to members of the public, and you may be able to meet with (or learn about) multiple board members on a variety of board types.\\n2-4. State why you would be a valuable member of the board.\\nEspecially if you do not already have a professional relationship with one of the directors, you’ll need to make the case for yourself. Explain what you can bring to offer the current board.\\nIf the company serves a large portion of the country, you may wish to set yourself up as a regional representative, or a representative of a community that is not currently represented on the board. Say something like, “Although you do a lot of business in the south, I notice none of your directors are from there. I’ve lived in Alabama my whole life, and could help grow your business in that region.”\\n3. Asking for a Board Position\\n3-1. Do not rely on a search firm to find you a director position.\\nSearch firms are companies that find directors to serve on specific boards. While their services sometimes work in the other direction as well—finding a board for potential first-time directors—this approach is less common.\\nYou may get lucky with a search firm, so it’s not necessarily a bad idea to send your CV to one or two. Just don’t view this option as a guarantee to find you a board.\\n3-2. Ask for an appointment as a board member.\\nYou should present yourself as a potential Director to the company’s CEO or an existing board member. You’ll need to be able to show that you can help the company generate profit, and that you have strong oversight and management skills. Also be prepared to speak to your business experience.\\nWhen asking for an appointment, say something like: “If you have any room on the board, I’d like to serve as one of the directors. I care about the mission of the organization, and think that my skills and experience will make me valuable.”\\n3-3. Prepare your CV in anticipation of a meeting or interview.\\nTailor your resume so you can present yourself as a strong candidate for the specific board you would like to serve on. Highlight your leadership experience and your commitment to developing whatever industry or community the business or nonprofit works in.\\nUse your CV to present your strengths and qualifications in areas where other directors may be less qualified. This will indicate that you will be valuable to the board, and not duplicate the skills of an existing board member.\\n3-4. Explain your potential value as a director.\\nCEOs and shareholders will be looking for directors to enhance the existing board, and who can bring necessary skills to the table. Directors need to have professional diversity, so you can establish yourself as an expert in a field that will be helpful to the board. Say something like:\\n“I believe I would play a valuable role on your board, since I have had years of experience working in [marketing / sales / finance / human resources].”\\n“Since you don’t currently have a director who’s experienced with business law, I would be a valuable addition to the board, because I can fill that gap.”\\nTips\\nThe more you know before beginning to contact people, the better. You want to put yourself in a position where it becomes obvious that you are the right person for the job.\\nSpend time thinking about what you have to offer this company. Be sure to let your contact(s) know how you can be of service and what unique talents you can bring to the table.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"A board of directors comprises a handful of individuals who oversee the operations and business decisions of company, nonprofit organization, or government agency. If you’d like to serve on a board, you’ll need to have business experience and the ability to contribute to the company’s financial success. Before seeking appointment on a board of directors, you should already be familiar with the type of business you plan to work in, and begin to develop professional relationships with other board members.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Learning About the Company\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Decide which type of board you would like to serve on.\", \"描述\": \"Both for-profit and nonprofit companies have boards of directors. While it may be easier to find a board seat with a nonprofit, don’t assume that this position will make it easier for you to find a seat on a for-profit board in the future.\\nIf the company is publicly traded, members of the board of directors are elected by shareholders, which often includes the company’s founder, if the business is still in an early stage. board members can often be nominated for the position by an existing board member. For nonprofits and government agencies, board members may be directly appointed by the CEO or by a government authority (for example, a member of the Cabinet).\\nPublicly traded companies often have large boards, while private companies (often younger or smaller businesses) will have fewer directors.\\nWhile large, publicly traded companies often pay their directors large salaries (or with generous stock options), smaller companies or nonprofits may give directors much smaller salaries.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Investigate board openings in an industry you’re familiar with.\", \"描述\": \"Unless you already know the exact company to which you plan to ask for a board appointment, you’ll need to search for companies that would potentially welcome you to their board. The best place to begin your search is online. Check the directories of websites that will provide you with lists of boards that are looking for new directors.\\nCheck websites including: BoardnetUSA, Volunteermatch, and Idealist for nonprofit board openings.\\nUse personal contacts that you already have to enhance your search. For example, business professors, former employers, or startup CEOs will be valuable advisors as you look for a potential Board to work on.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Choose a company to which you have something to offer.\", \"描述\": \"In order to be considered as a viable candidate for a board of directors, you’ll need to offer expertise and insight to the board. A successful board will be assembles of diverse members, each with their own strength. By selecting a company which you can directly benefit, you’ll improve your chances of an appointment.\\nMany nonprofits and companies will be looking for an individual with financial experience, or a degree in finances. Corporate social-media experience is also currently in high demand.\\nTalk with a current director to see if you have credentials that the board is looking for.\\nUse your website findings to tailor your company search. The boards looking for new directors should make clear online which credentials they’re looking for.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Research current board members.\", \"描述\": \"Looking into the existing directors—on a single board or across several—will give you a glimpse of what degrees, experience, and credentials are common among directors. Look to see:\\nIf there are any gaps in the skills and qualifications of the current directors.\\nIf any directors are approaching retirement.\\nIf you could network with any of the directors, through mutual friends, a work associate, or other means.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Forming Personal Connections\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Meet with existing board members.\", \"描述\": \"You’ll be far more likely to earn a board appointment if you have a professional and personal relationship with an existing director. Find out who is already on the board of directors, and arrange a meeting with one of these people. A face-to-face meeting will allow you to directly state your case for an appointment as a director.\\nUse your professional network to connect you with directors on boards you’d like to serve on. Perhaps you already know someone who knows someone who knows one of these people.\\nWhen you speak to a board member, say something like, “We know each other through Sally - she's my coworker. I’m interested in serving on a board of directors, and would like to learn about your board.”\\nIf you’d like to be more direct, say, “I’m interested in serving on your board of directors. How can I pursue this opportunity and show my qualifications?”\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Find out detailed information about the board and company.\", \"描述\": \"This will help you assess how you can present yourself and your skillset to maximize your appeal to the other directors. Ask for information regarding the current number of directors, how often new board members are brought on board, and the management style of the board.\\nInvite one of the directors out to lunch and ask if they’re willing to share information about the company. Make it clear that you’re interested in serving as a director, and would like some information concerning their experience serving on the board.\\nWhen you meet, say something like, “I’m looking for a board position to serve on, and your organization intrigued me. Do you know if the organization is interested in taking on a new board member?”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Attend networking events.\", \"描述\": \"If you’re interested in making yourself available to a number of board positions at once, consider attending an event by the National Association of Corporate Directors. Events are open to members of the public, and you may be able to meet with (or learn about) multiple board members on a variety of board types.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"State why you would be a valuable member of the board.\", \"描述\": \"Especially if you do not already have a professional relationship with one of the directors, you’ll need to make the case for yourself. Explain what you can bring to offer the current board.\\nIf the company serves a large portion of the country, you may wish to set yourself up as a regional representative, or a representative of a community that is not currently represented on the board. Say something like, “Although you do a lot of business in the south, I notice none of your directors are from there. I’ve lived in Alabama my whole life, and could help grow your business in that region.”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Asking for a Board Position\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Do not rely on a search firm to find you a director position.\", \"描述\": \"Search firms are companies that find directors to serve on specific boards. While their services sometimes work in the other direction as well—finding a board for potential first-time directors—this approach is less common.\\nYou may get lucky with a search firm, so it’s not necessarily a bad idea to send your CV to one or two. Just don’t view this option as a guarantee to find you a board.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Ask for an appointment as a board member.\", \"描述\": \"You should present yourself as a potential Director to the company’s CEO or an existing board member. You’ll need to be able to show that you can help the company generate profit, and that you have strong oversight and management skills. Also be prepared to speak to your business experience.\\nWhen asking for an appointment, say something like: “If you have any room on the board, I’d like to serve as one of the directors. I care about the mission of the organization, and think that my skills and experience will make me valuable.”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Prepare your CV in anticipation of a meeting or interview.\", \"描述\": \"Tailor your resume so you can present yourself as a strong candidate for the specific board you would like to serve on. Highlight your leadership experience and your commitment to developing whatever industry or community the business or nonprofit works in.\\nUse your CV to present your strengths and qualifications in areas where other directors may be less qualified. This will indicate that you will be valuable to the board, and not duplicate the skills of an existing board member.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Explain your potential value as a director.\", \"描述\": \"CEOs and shareholders will be looking for directors to enhance the existing board, and who can bring necessary skills to the table. Directors need to have professional diversity, so you can establish yourself as an expert in a field that will be helpful to the board. Say something like:\\n“I believe I would play a valuable role on your board, since I have had years of experience working in [marketing / sales / finance / human resources].”\\n“Since you don’t currently have a director who’s experienced with business law, I would be a valuable addition to the board, because I can fill that gap.”\"}], \"小提示\": [\"The more you know before beginning to contact people, the better. You want to put yourself in a position where it becomes obvious that you are the right person for the job.\\n\", \"Spend time thinking about what you have to offer this company. Be sure to let your contact(s) know how you can be of service and what unique talents you can bring to the table.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,545 | How to Be Arrogant | 1. Walking the Walk
1-1. Be the best.
It's a whole lot easier to be arrogant about something if you're the best in the room. The less you have to do to prove your arrogance, the better off and more convincing your verbal brags will be down the road. Often, we think of arrogance as being part of competition in sports or in office environments, but it also applies to social interactions, lifestyle, relationships, and lots of other areas of life. Strive to be the best in everything you do.
Train hard and devote your time to whatever craft you hope to excel in. Arrogance just comes across like ignorance if you're bragging about something you don't even fully understand, or practice.
1-2. Develop a commanding presence.
Even if people don't like you, they need to take notice when you walk into a room. Have a silent presence and aura by taking the steps necessary to control people with your body language, reflecting your high status and your value. To command people's attention without words:
Stand up straight at all times, keeping your shoulders back and your head up and at attention.
Move purposefully. Don't wander around rooms, or take little half-steps toward the bar. Walk right up to it at full-stride and grab a place at the table.
Smile less. If you want to communicate your superiority, try your best to remain aloof and gaze critically at others as they complete tasks.
1-3. Demonstrate your abilities publicly.
Compete regularly to keep your skills sharp and your hunger for winning large. It's much better to brag and boast about things that other people already know or have seen you do, making your boasts that much more believable. Make an effort to win things that you know you can win with your skills and your arrogant edge.
The earlier your start competing, the better. If you instill a serious competitive edge in yourself early in life, it'll carry through your adult years.
Be competitive in all facets of your life. When Rafael Nadal was injured and needed to recover from competitive tennis, he started playing high-stakes poker, becoming obsessed, just to keep that arrogant edge.
1-4. Make an example of the weakest links.
Arrogant people need to prove their superiority on a regular basis, and that means making an example of people weaker than you in competition. Whether that means calling out the worst worker in your office team, sticking them with some work that will expose their weakness, or challenging a weaker opponent to a contest, you need to dominate on a regular basis.
Never, under any circumstances, take it easy on someone. Arrogant people compete at a high level at all times.
It's also important to challenge upper-level opponents that will actually challenge your skills, but it's also helpful to fight the occasional squash match.
1-5. Be self-sufficient, or fake it.
Arrogant people should come across like they're completely responsible for all their successes and attribute nothing to coaches, teachers, training, or any other facet of their skills. Arrogant people should seem like they were born in Armani diapers, with a big charge card in one hand and a championship trophy in the other, and have done nothing but dominate from that day forward.
It doesn't matter if this is true or not. Just make it seem true by living ostentatiously, showing flash when you've got it. Wear your success visibly.
1-6. Dress like the person you claim to be
Walk the walk by wearing the uniform of the person that you're trying to be. One expensive suit, jacket or wrap-round dress is worth 50 cheap versions. It lasts longer and leaves a lasting impression.
This involves a certain amount of conformity and a dedication to a particular look. You have to subscribe to the expected image of the "arrogant athlete" or the "arrogant bro" and find the style and garments that fulfill that image.
Be groomed in the way that your arrogant field calls for. Arrogant rockers have to look as if their awesome-looking hair was the last thing they thought of that day, and the perfect-fitting leather jacket just fell into their lap.
2. Talking the Talk
2-1. Brag about your accomplishments.
Arrogance is about projecting superiority in all things, and it's easier to be superior and to brag about it when it's about things you've actually done. When you score more points than anyone else on the team, when you get your work done the fastest, when you beat your brother in a footrace, make sure everyone knows about it.
Only brag about things that you do excellently. It's much more difficult to brag when you're only mediocre, and then your arrogance just comes off as ignorance. If you want to command presence, brag when you've got a reason.
If you want to be more arrogant, you don't need to wait for an opening to brag, just start doing it. Arrogance is bullish and obvious, and arrogant people don't care if everyone knows it.
Feel free to slightly embellish your accomplishments as well. It's better to exaggerate slightly than to flat-out lie, because you can get your arrogant bubble burst a little if people find out you didn't do as well as you claimed.
2-2. Set extremely high standards.
If you want to come off as arrogant, start setting big goals and trying your best to live up to them. Your standard for excellence should always be higher than everyone else's, yet always within reach of your skills. Make the bar too high for anyone else to reach.
Let your standards evolve with your skills. The more you accomplish, the higher your standards should become. It's not enough to win one championship, you have to repeat and three-peat, you have to win MVP trophies, and be the best in the room.
If someone offers a compliment, an arrogant person will sometimes respond with something like, "Oh, that's nothing. I'm not even trying."
2-3. Criticize weakness.
When other people fail to live up to the standards that you set for excellence and for yourself, point it out publicly. While it might seem cruel to point out other people's failures and inadequacies, it's an important way to position yourself on top of everyone else. That's just as important as bragging about yourself.
You don't need to do it in a rude way to be arrogant, but it does help to be somewhat blunt. If your teammate or opponent in a game messes up a play, let them know that you disapprove, gently but firmly: "You know and I know that was a bad play. You just lost that for us. Pass me the ball next time."
2-4. Be impenetrable.
Eventually, you'll probably get into verbal altercations as an arrogant person. Other wannabe arrogant people will try to take you down a notch or two, and it's very important that you be rock-solid in your verbal jousting. Don't let insults or witty jokes get to you, and practice your quick comebacks to stay one-up on the competition.
A lot of this will happen ahead of the game. Learn to identify your competition and keep them either on your side by befriending them and working together to dominate, or by knocking them down a few pegs before they get the chance to gain confidence and challenge you.
2-5. Be playful.
Ideally, your arrogance should make you magnetic and attractive, especially to members of the opposite sex. A good sneer or a snicker at a ridiculous person or a ridiculous idea can be arrogant, but it can also be somewhat playful and charming. Think of the following playful arrogant icons:
David Letterman
Chandler from Friends
Barney from How I Met Your Mother
Lady Gaga
Ron Burgundy
Terry Crews
Oprah Winfrey
Phil McGraw (Dr. Phil)
2-6. Believe you are as good as you say you are.
Remind yourself that you are the best and take pride in every single thing you do. Really take this attitude on board in all of your thinking and dismiss the niggling doubts, should there be any. Know that you are amazing in every way, and let this confidence transform your words and actions.
In some cases, it might also help to invent slights or perceived insults that help to motivate you. Michael Jordan used to tape up disses from other players in his locker to help motivate him to dominate on the court.
Come up with story lines for yourself to help give you something to work with. Position yourself as the underdog, even if you're the best in the room. Pretend that you're overcoming the odds, even if you're doing what you know you can do. Keep that fire lit.
2-7. Find the one-up.
One of the easiest ways to come across as arrogant is in everyday conversations. When someone else tells a story, or lists an accomplishment, don't recognize it or congratulate them, just launch immediately into a related story of your own that's more impressive and spectacular.
Your friend just got back from a vacation at the beach? It should probably remind you of that one time you went snorkeling in Malaysia with local fishermen and lived on the beach in a grass hut.
If you teach your friend how to do something, you can tell them that you learned how to do it in a few seconds (or however shorter than theirs might be). This will probably make them feel less superior and feel they can never do things as soon as you can.
3. Staying Respectable
3-1. Be respectful of those who command respect.
Never talk down to people you truly value or respect. The purpose of being arrogant is to "tone down" or silence your critics or those who are a little bit more happy with themselves than they should be. It is also one means of keeping a workplace enthralled with you, but it can backfire. It's probably best to never act super-arrogant around:
Your boss
Coaches
Your parents
Service staff
Dates
3-2. Always use manners to your advantage.
There's a fine line between arrogance and being a straight-up jerk. Being arrogant does not mean being rude and forgetting basic manners and etiquette around others. Besides, basic manners serve as the means by which you maintain your aloofness and keep others distant in a socially acceptable way.
Never talk down to wait-staff or other service workers in the interest of cultivating your arrogance. This will make you look weak, petty, and immature.
Forgetting someone's name might seem like a good way to take them down a peg, but it really just makes you look like a jerk. Respect people enough to treat them with common dignity, up to the point that you dominate them in competition.
3-3. Know your limits.
If you claim to be superior in an area in which you lack the skills or expertise, your arrogance will fall apart and lose its effect. You'll just look like a fool. Make sure to avoid conflicts and confrontations, any competition, in which you don't have at least a sporting chance of winning.
It's good to learn to lose, so you don't end up looking like a cry-baby after a close loss. Learn to lose with dignity, because no matter how arrogant your self-image, it's going to happen eventually.
3-4. Live up to the hype.
Arrogance should be a type of self-improvement. Think of Michael Jordan and Steve Jobs, arrogant people who came, saw, and conquered, not the arrogance of has-beens. Let your arrogant image of yourself motivate you and force you to new heights.
Always do what you say you will do. You've got to live up to the hype that you set for yourself, or you'll just come off like an ego-inflated loser, just like any other. When it's your turn on the field of competition, bring it.
3-5. Find new ladders to climb.
It's possible for a lot of arrogant people to end up like 30 year-olds hanging out in the parking lot of the high school they graduated from, talking about the glory days. You don't want to be one of these losers. Keep finding new ladders to climb and challenges to face and ways to improve yourself.
After winning a championship, do the Jordan move and try out baseball. Aim to be the best at some other related field. After you dominate the world of industry, become the best fly-fisherman you can be. Set endless goals and meet them.
Tips
Real arrogance, when applied properly, gives the impression of your perceived sense of superiority, wealth, and achievement without discussing it. It simply exudes.
Arrogance is best used with sarcasm or some otherwise cutting remark which does not dispute the statements of others, but uses wordplay to turn other people's words against them. This might mean you have to work hard at increasing your repertoire of come-backs, witty sayings and sarcastic quips.
Being arrogant is different from boasting your achievements or material wealth. Arrogant people do not need to broadcast the common achievements of life.
Warnings
Some people may not like you and think you're a show-off.
You are only trying to climb up on the backs of those whom you do not trust or otherwise do not like. Do not do the same around family, friends or valued work colleagues.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:19",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Walking the Walk\\n1-1. Be the best.\\nIt's a whole lot easier to be arrogant about something if you're the best in the room. The less you have to do to prove your arrogance, the better off and more convincing your verbal brags will be down the road. Often, we think of arrogance as being part of competition in sports or in office environments, but it also applies to social interactions, lifestyle, relationships, and lots of other areas of life. Strive to be the best in everything you do.\\nTrain hard and devote your time to whatever craft you hope to excel in. Arrogance just comes across like ignorance if you're bragging about something you don't even fully understand, or practice.\\n1-2. Develop a commanding presence.\\nEven if people don't like you, they need to take notice when you walk into a room. Have a silent presence and aura by taking the steps necessary to control people with your body language, reflecting your high status and your value. To command people's attention without words:\\nStand up straight at all times, keeping your shoulders back and your head up and at attention.\\nMove purposefully. Don't wander around rooms, or take little half-steps toward the bar. Walk right up to it at full-stride and grab a place at the table.\\nSmile less. If you want to communicate your superiority, try your best to remain aloof and gaze critically at others as they complete tasks.\\n1-3. Demonstrate your abilities publicly.\\nCompete regularly to keep your skills sharp and your hunger for winning large. It's much better to brag and boast about things that other people already know or have seen you do, making your boasts that much more believable. Make an effort to win things that you know you can win with your skills and your arrogant edge.\\nThe earlier your start competing, the better. If you instill a serious competitive edge in yourself early in life, it'll carry through your adult years.\\nBe competitive in all facets of your life. When Rafael Nadal was injured and needed to recover from competitive tennis, he started playing high-stakes poker, becoming obsessed, just to keep that arrogant edge.\\n1-4. Make an example of the weakest links.\\nArrogant people need to prove their superiority on a regular basis, and that means making an example of people weaker than you in competition. Whether that means calling out the worst worker in your office team, sticking them with some work that will expose their weakness, or challenging a weaker opponent to a contest, you need to dominate on a regular basis.\\nNever, under any circumstances, take it easy on someone. Arrogant people compete at a high level at all times.\\nIt's also important to challenge upper-level opponents that will actually challenge your skills, but it's also helpful to fight the occasional squash match.\\n1-5. Be self-sufficient, or fake it.\\nArrogant people should come across like they're completely responsible for all their successes and attribute nothing to coaches, teachers, training, or any other facet of their skills. Arrogant people should seem like they were born in Armani diapers, with a big charge card in one hand and a championship trophy in the other, and have done nothing but dominate from that day forward.\\nIt doesn't matter if this is true or not. Just make it seem true by living ostentatiously, showing flash when you've got it. Wear your success visibly.\\n1-6. Dress like the person you claim to be\\nWalk the walk by wearing the uniform of the person that you're trying to be. One expensive suit, jacket or wrap-round dress is worth 50 cheap versions. It lasts longer and leaves a lasting impression.\\nThis involves a certain amount of conformity and a dedication to a particular look. You have to subscribe to the expected image of the \\\"arrogant athlete\\\" or the \\\"arrogant bro\\\" and find the style and garments that fulfill that image.\\nBe groomed in the way that your arrogant field calls for. Arrogant rockers have to look as if their awesome-looking hair was the last thing they thought of that day, and the perfect-fitting leather jacket just fell into their lap.\\n2. Talking the Talk\\n2-1. Brag about your accomplishments.\\nArrogance is about projecting superiority in all things, and it's easier to be superior and to brag about it when it's about things you've actually done. When you score more points than anyone else on the team, when you get your work done the fastest, when you beat your brother in a footrace, make sure everyone knows about it.\\nOnly brag about things that you do excellently. It's much more difficult to brag when you're only mediocre, and then your arrogance just comes off as ignorance. If you want to command presence, brag when you've got a reason.\\nIf you want to be more arrogant, you don't need to wait for an opening to brag, just start doing it. Arrogance is bullish and obvious, and arrogant people don't care if everyone knows it.\\nFeel free to slightly embellish your accomplishments as well. It's better to exaggerate slightly than to flat-out lie, because you can get your arrogant bubble burst a little if people find out you didn't do as well as you claimed.\\n2-2. Set extremely high standards.\\nIf you want to come off as arrogant, start setting big goals and trying your best to live up to them. Your standard for excellence should always be higher than everyone else's, yet always within reach of your skills. Make the bar too high for anyone else to reach.\\nLet your standards evolve with your skills. The more you accomplish, the higher your standards should become. It's not enough to win one championship, you have to repeat and three-peat, you have to win MVP trophies, and be the best in the room.\\nIf someone offers a compliment, an arrogant person will sometimes respond with something like, \\\"Oh, that's nothing. I'm not even trying.\\\"\\n2-3. Criticize weakness.\\nWhen other people fail to live up to the standards that you set for excellence and for yourself, point it out publicly. While it might seem cruel to point out other people's failures and inadequacies, it's an important way to position yourself on top of everyone else. That's just as important as bragging about yourself.\\nYou don't need to do it in a rude way to be arrogant, but it does help to be somewhat blunt. If your teammate or opponent in a game messes up a play, let them know that you disapprove, gently but firmly: \\\"You know and I know that was a bad play. You just lost that for us. Pass me the ball next time.\\\"\\n2-4. Be impenetrable.\\nEventually, you'll probably get into verbal altercations as an arrogant person. Other wannabe arrogant people will try to take you down a notch or two, and it's very important that you be rock-solid in your verbal jousting. Don't let insults or witty jokes get to you, and practice your quick comebacks to stay one-up on the competition.\\nA lot of this will happen ahead of the game. Learn to identify your competition and keep them either on your side by befriending them and working together to dominate, or by knocking them down a few pegs before they get the chance to gain confidence and challenge you.\\n2-5. Be playful.\\nIdeally, your arrogance should make you magnetic and attractive, especially to members of the opposite sex. A good sneer or a snicker at a ridiculous person or a ridiculous idea can be arrogant, but it can also be somewhat playful and charming. Think of the following playful arrogant icons:\\nDavid Letterman\\nChandler from Friends\\nBarney from How I Met Your Mother\\nLady Gaga\\nRon Burgundy\\nTerry Crews\\nOprah Winfrey\\nPhil McGraw (Dr. Phil)\\n2-6. Believe you are as good as you say you are.\\nRemind yourself that you are the best and take pride in every single thing you do. Really take this attitude on board in all of your thinking and dismiss the niggling doubts, should there be any. Know that you are amazing in every way, and let this confidence transform your words and actions.\\nIn some cases, it might also help to invent slights or perceived insults that help to motivate you. Michael Jordan used to tape up disses from other players in his locker to help motivate him to dominate on the court.\\nCome up with story lines for yourself to help give you something to work with. Position yourself as the underdog, even if you're the best in the room. Pretend that you're overcoming the odds, even if you're doing what you know you can do. Keep that fire lit.\\n2-7. Find the one-up.\\nOne of the easiest ways to come across as arrogant is in everyday conversations. When someone else tells a story, or lists an accomplishment, don't recognize it or congratulate them, just launch immediately into a related story of your own that's more impressive and spectacular.\\nYour friend just got back from a vacation at the beach? It should probably remind you of that one time you went snorkeling in Malaysia with local fishermen and lived on the beach in a grass hut.\\nIf you teach your friend how to do something, you can tell them that you learned how to do it in a few seconds (or however shorter than theirs might be). This will probably make them feel less superior and feel they can never do things as soon as you can.\\n3. Staying Respectable\\n3-1. Be respectful of those who command respect.\\nNever talk down to people you truly value or respect. The purpose of being arrogant is to \\\"tone down\\\" or silence your critics or those who are a little bit more happy with themselves than they should be. It is also one means of keeping a workplace enthralled with you, but it can backfire. It's probably best to never act super-arrogant around:\\nYour boss\\nCoaches\\nYour parents\\nService staff\\nDates\\n3-2. Always use manners to your advantage.\\nThere's a fine line between arrogance and being a straight-up jerk. Being arrogant does not mean being rude and forgetting basic manners and etiquette around others. Besides, basic manners serve as the means by which you maintain your aloofness and keep others distant in a socially acceptable way.\\nNever talk down to wait-staff or other service workers in the interest of cultivating your arrogance. This will make you look weak, petty, and immature.\\nForgetting someone's name might seem like a good way to take them down a peg, but it really just makes you look like a jerk. Respect people enough to treat them with common dignity, up to the point that you dominate them in competition.\\n3-3. Know your limits.\\nIf you claim to be superior in an area in which you lack the skills or expertise, your arrogance will fall apart and lose its effect. You'll just look like a fool. Make sure to avoid conflicts and confrontations, any competition, in which you don't have at least a sporting chance of winning.\\nIt's good to learn to lose, so you don't end up looking like a cry-baby after a close loss. Learn to lose with dignity, because no matter how arrogant your self-image, it's going to happen eventually.\\n3-4. Live up to the hype.\\nArrogance should be a type of self-improvement. Think of Michael Jordan and Steve Jobs, arrogant people who came, saw, and conquered, not the arrogance of has-beens. Let your arrogant image of yourself motivate you and force you to new heights.\\nAlways do what you say you will do. You've got to live up to the hype that you set for yourself, or you'll just come off like an ego-inflated loser, just like any other. When it's your turn on the field of competition, bring it.\\n3-5. Find new ladders to climb.\\nIt's possible for a lot of arrogant people to end up like 30 year-olds hanging out in the parking lot of the high school they graduated from, talking about the glory days. You don't want to be one of these losers. Keep finding new ladders to climb and challenges to face and ways to improve yourself.\\nAfter winning a championship, do the Jordan move and try out baseball. Aim to be the best at some other related field. After you dominate the world of industry, become the best fly-fisherman you can be. Set endless goals and meet them.\\nTips\\nReal arrogance, when applied properly, gives the impression of your perceived sense of superiority, wealth, and achievement without discussing it. It simply exudes.\\nArrogance is best used with sarcasm or some otherwise cutting remark which does not dispute the statements of others, but uses wordplay to turn other people's words against them. This might mean you have to work hard at increasing your repertoire of come-backs, witty sayings and sarcastic quips.\\nBeing arrogant is different from boasting your achievements or material wealth. Arrogant people do not need to broadcast the common achievements of life.\\nWarnings\\nSome people may not like you and think you're a show-off.\\nYou are only trying to climb up on the backs of those whom you do not trust or otherwise do not like. Do not do the same around family, friends or valued work colleagues.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Arrogance is typically thought of as a character flaw, but properly executed arrogance can give you a competitive, magnetic edge in your personal and professional relationships. You can learn to be competitive in all layers of your life, brag with the best of them, and make sure your arrogance doesn't tip over into being a total jerk.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Walking the Walk\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be the best.\", \"描述\": \"It's a whole lot easier to be arrogant about something if you're the best in the room. The less you have to do to prove your arrogance, the better off and more convincing your verbal brags will be down the road. Often, we think of arrogance as being part of competition in sports or in office environments, but it also applies to social interactions, lifestyle, relationships, and lots of other areas of life. Strive to be the best in everything you do.\\nTrain hard and devote your time to whatever craft you hope to excel in. Arrogance just comes across like ignorance if you're bragging about something you don't even fully understand, or practice.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Develop a commanding presence.\", \"描述\": \"Even if people don't like you, they need to take notice when you walk into a room. Have a silent presence and aura by taking the steps necessary to control people with your body language, reflecting your high status and your value. To command people's attention without words:\\nStand up straight at all times, keeping your shoulders back and your head up and at attention.\\nMove purposefully. Don't wander around rooms, or take little half-steps toward the bar. Walk right up to it at full-stride and grab a place at the table.\\nSmile less. If you want to communicate your superiority, try your best to remain aloof and gaze critically at others as they complete tasks.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Demonstrate your abilities publicly.\", \"描述\": \"Compete regularly to keep your skills sharp and your hunger for winning large. It's much better to brag and boast about things that other people already know or have seen you do, making your boasts that much more believable. Make an effort to win things that you know you can win with your skills and your arrogant edge.\\nThe earlier your start competing, the better. If you instill a serious competitive edge in yourself early in life, it'll carry through your adult years.\\nBe competitive in all facets of your life. When Rafael Nadal was injured and needed to recover from competitive tennis, he started playing high-stakes poker, becoming obsessed, just to keep that arrogant edge.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Make an example of the weakest links.\", \"描述\": \"Arrogant people need to prove their superiority on a regular basis, and that means making an example of people weaker than you in competition. Whether that means calling out the worst worker in your office team, sticking them with some work that will expose their weakness, or challenging a weaker opponent to a contest, you need to dominate on a regular basis.\\nNever, under any circumstances, take it easy on someone. Arrogant people compete at a high level at all times.\\nIt's also important to challenge upper-level opponents that will actually challenge your skills, but it's also helpful to fight the occasional squash match.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be self-sufficient, or fake it.\", \"描述\": \"Arrogant people should come across like they're completely responsible for all their successes and attribute nothing to coaches, teachers, training, or any other facet of their skills. Arrogant people should seem like they were born in Armani diapers, with a big charge card in one hand and a championship trophy in the other, and have done nothing but dominate from that day forward.\\nIt doesn't matter if this is true or not. Just make it seem true by living ostentatiously, showing flash when you've got it. Wear your success visibly.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Dress like the person you claim to be\", \"描述\": \"Walk the walk by wearing the uniform of the person that you're trying to be. One expensive suit, jacket or wrap-round dress is worth 50 cheap versions. It lasts longer and leaves a lasting impression.\\nThis involves a certain amount of conformity and a dedication to a particular look. You have to subscribe to the expected image of the \\\"arrogant athlete\\\" or the \\\"arrogant bro\\\" and find the style and garments that fulfill that image.\\nBe groomed in the way that your arrogant field calls for. Arrogant rockers have to look as if their awesome-looking hair was the last thing they thought of that day, and the perfect-fitting leather jacket just fell into their lap.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Talking the Talk\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Brag about your accomplishments.\", \"描述\": \"Arrogance is about projecting superiority in all things, and it's easier to be superior and to brag about it when it's about things you've actually done. When you score more points than anyone else on the team, when you get your work done the fastest, when you beat your brother in a footrace, make sure everyone knows about it.\\nOnly brag about things that you do excellently. It's much more difficult to brag when you're only mediocre, and then your arrogance just comes off as ignorance. If you want to command presence, brag when you've got a reason.\\nIf you want to be more arrogant, you don't need to wait for an opening to brag, just start doing it. Arrogance is bullish and obvious, and arrogant people don't care if everyone knows it.\\nFeel free to slightly embellish your accomplishments as well. It's better to exaggerate slightly than to flat-out lie, because you can get your arrogant bubble burst a little if people find out you didn't do as well as you claimed.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Set extremely high standards.\", \"描述\": \"If you want to come off as arrogant, start setting big goals and trying your best to live up to them. Your standard for excellence should always be higher than everyone else's, yet always within reach of your skills. Make the bar too high for anyone else to reach.\\nLet your standards evolve with your skills. The more you accomplish, the higher your standards should become. It's not enough to win one championship, you have to repeat and three-peat, you have to win MVP trophies, and be the best in the room.\\nIf someone offers a compliment, an arrogant person will sometimes respond with something like, \\\"Oh, that's nothing. I'm not even trying.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Criticize weakness.\", \"描述\": \"When other people fail to live up to the standards that you set for excellence and for yourself, point it out publicly. While it might seem cruel to point out other people's failures and inadequacies, it's an important way to position yourself on top of everyone else. That's just as important as bragging about yourself.\\nYou don't need to do it in a rude way to be arrogant, but it does help to be somewhat blunt. If your teammate or opponent in a game messes up a play, let them know that you disapprove, gently but firmly: \\\"You know and I know that was a bad play. You just lost that for us. Pass me the ball next time.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be impenetrable.\", \"描述\": \"Eventually, you'll probably get into verbal altercations as an arrogant person. Other wannabe arrogant people will try to take you down a notch or two, and it's very important that you be rock-solid in your verbal jousting. Don't let insults or witty jokes get to you, and practice your quick comebacks to stay one-up on the competition.\\nA lot of this will happen ahead of the game. Learn to identify your competition and keep them either on your side by befriending them and working together to dominate, or by knocking them down a few pegs before they get the chance to gain confidence and challenge you.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be playful.\", \"描述\": \"Ideally, your arrogance should make you magnetic and attractive, especially to members of the opposite sex. A good sneer or a snicker at a ridiculous person or a ridiculous idea can be arrogant, but it can also be somewhat playful and charming. Think of the following playful arrogant icons:\\nDavid Letterman\\nChandler from Friends\\nBarney from How I Met Your Mother\\nLady Gaga\\nRon Burgundy\\nTerry Crews\\nOprah Winfrey\\nPhil McGraw (Dr. Phil)\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Believe you are as good as you say you are.\", \"描述\": \"Remind yourself that you are the best and take pride in every single thing you do. Really take this attitude on board in all of your thinking and dismiss the niggling doubts, should there be any. Know that you are amazing in every way, and let this confidence transform your words and actions.\\nIn some cases, it might also help to invent slights or perceived insults that help to motivate you. Michael Jordan used to tape up disses from other players in his locker to help motivate him to dominate on the court.\\nCome up with story lines for yourself to help give you something to work with. Position yourself as the underdog, even if you're the best in the room. Pretend that you're overcoming the odds, even if you're doing what you know you can do. Keep that fire lit.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Find the one-up.\", \"描述\": \"One of the easiest ways to come across as arrogant is in everyday conversations. When someone else tells a story, or lists an accomplishment, don't recognize it or congratulate them, just launch immediately into a related story of your own that's more impressive and spectacular.\\nYour friend just got back from a vacation at the beach? It should probably remind you of that one time you went snorkeling in Malaysia with local fishermen and lived on the beach in a grass hut.\\nIf you teach your friend how to do something, you can tell them that you learned how to do it in a few seconds (or however shorter than theirs might be). This will probably make them feel less superior and feel they can never do things as soon as you can.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Staying Respectable\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be respectful of those who command respect.\", \"描述\": \"Never talk down to people you truly value or respect. The purpose of being arrogant is to \\\"tone down\\\" or silence your critics or those who are a little bit more happy with themselves than they should be. It is also one means of keeping a workplace enthralled with you, but it can backfire. It's probably best to never act super-arrogant around:\\nYour boss\\nCoaches\\nYour parents\\nService staff\\nDates\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Always use manners to your advantage.\", \"描述\": \"There's a fine line between arrogance and being a straight-up jerk. Being arrogant does not mean being rude and forgetting basic manners and etiquette around others. Besides, basic manners serve as the means by which you maintain your aloofness and keep others distant in a socially acceptable way.\\nNever talk down to wait-staff or other service workers in the interest of cultivating your arrogance. This will make you look weak, petty, and immature.\\nForgetting someone's name might seem like a good way to take them down a peg, but it really just makes you look like a jerk. Respect people enough to treat them with common dignity, up to the point that you dominate them in competition.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Know your limits.\", \"描述\": \"If you claim to be superior in an area in which you lack the skills or expertise, your arrogance will fall apart and lose its effect. You'll just look like a fool. Make sure to avoid conflicts and confrontations, any competition, in which you don't have at least a sporting chance of winning.\\nIt's good to learn to lose, so you don't end up looking like a cry-baby after a close loss. Learn to lose with dignity, because no matter how arrogant your self-image, it's going to happen eventually.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Live up to the hype.\", \"描述\": \"Arrogance should be a type of self-improvement. Think of Michael Jordan and Steve Jobs, arrogant people who came, saw, and conquered, not the arrogance of has-beens. Let your arrogant image of yourself motivate you and force you to new heights.\\nAlways do what you say you will do. You've got to live up to the hype that you set for yourself, or you'll just come off like an ego-inflated loser, just like any other. When it's your turn on the field of competition, bring it.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Find new ladders to climb.\", \"描述\": \"It's possible for a lot of arrogant people to end up like 30 year-olds hanging out in the parking lot of the high school they graduated from, talking about the glory days. You don't want to be one of these losers. Keep finding new ladders to climb and challenges to face and ways to improve yourself.\\nAfter winning a championship, do the Jordan move and try out baseball. Aim to be the best at some other related field. After you dominate the world of industry, become the best fly-fisherman you can be. Set endless goals and meet them.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Real arrogance, when applied properly, gives the impression of your perceived sense of superiority, wealth, and achievement without discussing it. It simply exudes.\\n\", \"Arrogance is best used with sarcasm or some otherwise cutting remark which does not dispute the statements of others, but uses wordplay to turn other people's words against them. This might mean you have to work hard at increasing your repertoire of come-backs, witty sayings and sarcastic quips.\\n\", \"Being arrogant is different from boasting your achievements or material wealth. Arrogant people do not need to broadcast the common achievements of life.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Some people may not like you and think you're a show-off.\\n\", \"You are only trying to climb up on the backs of those whom you do not trust or otherwise do not like. Do not do the same around family, friends or valued work colleagues.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,546 | How to Be Articulate | 1. Sounding More Intelligent
1-1. Know your subject.
Speak on matters where you are able to bring more clarity to others or help add to the discussion. Speaking from a desire to add something or just get your voice heard, will not add to your perceived level of articulateness. Let others speak about things that they are an expert in and add to that discussion through articulate questions. Do your research and know the alternative perspectives but be willing to quit sharing when you move outside your current knowledge.
If you don't know your subject well but have to speak on it, then extensive research will help you sound like you know your stuff.
1-2. Think before you speak.
This helps to eliminate the verbal pauses and may prevent you from saying something that does not make sense. It's okay if this slows you down a bit. In fact, pausing before you give a real answer will make you look more thoughtful and intelligent than someone who just blurts out a string of nonsensical phrases as soon as a question is posed.
If someone asks you a question and you really want to think it through, don't be afraid to say, "Come back to me in a minute. I need to gather my thoughts." You will sound much more prepared after you have time to think.
1-3. Expand your vocabulary.
Using a variety of words that mean that same thing creates more interest and color in your speech. If you do not understand the words you read, consult a dictionary or thesaurus. The easiest way to expand your vocabulary is to read, read, read. Knowing synonyms for words can be helpful, but you should make sure you use them correctly instead of using a word you've only ever seen in a dictionary aloud for the first time.
You can create vocabulary flashcards and quiz yourself. Make a goal of learning ten new words a week.
1-4. Use real words.
Shun slang and contractions. Instead of hi, use hello, instead of yeah, use yes. Never use huh, uh-huh unless in the context of a story or event….if you're giving a formal or even semi-formal presentation, then it's important to use intelligent, full words. Avoid too many contractions (say "I cannot" instead of "I can't") and speak in complete sentences as much as you can, unless you are not doing so for effect.
1-5. Use correct grammar.
Study the proper uses of the words following words: I, me, him, his, he, no, not. They are commonly used incorrectly in cases such as double negatives and when listing people. When reiterating a fact you already stated, always say "as I said", never, "like I said". Here are some other tricks to know:
You should say, "He and I were discussing…" instead of "Him and I were discussing…"
You should say, "You can give your report to her or me," instead of "You can give your report to her or I."
You should say, "Such as…" instead of "like…"
1-6. Exude confidence.
If you want to sound articulate and intelligent, then you have to look confident when you deliver your message. Make eye contact with the audience, sound like you really mean what you say, and speak loudly enough for people to hear you. If you seem comfortable with your message and like you believe in your words, instead of second-guessing yourself, then people will be more likely to believe in it too.
Make your sentences sound firm and decisive. Don't end your sentences with a question or with turning up your voice slightly, or you'll sound like you're constantly asking for affirmation.
1-7. Improve your posture.
Your posture can go a long way in making you sound more intelligent. Stand up tall and avoid hunching over at all costs, whether you're standing up, walking, or sitting down. Don't cross your arms over your chest; keep them at your sides and use them to gesture. Elongate your neck slightly. Standing up tall will make your words sound more forceful and will make people believe that you know what you're talking about even more.
1-8. Prepare -- a lot.
If you want to sound smart, then you can't just spout out your latest ideas to a group of people or your close friends without thinking about how you'll frame them in advance. What you have to do is prepare what you're going to say, whether you're giving a class presentation or talking to your girlfriend about a relationship issue. Rehearse what you have to say as much as you need to in order to feel comfortable about saying what you have to say.
It's important to practice and rehearse, but it's also important for what you say to sound natural. Therefore, you should know the material well enough to change things up if it becomes necessary.
2. Being More Well-Spoken
2-1. Be more concise.
Saying more by saying less can make some people shut down or quit listening. Add content to discussions that is as condensed as possible without being vague. Talking until you get to your point will ensure half of your audience has already tuned out. State your point up front and people will know what you are trying to elaborate about.
If you have to give a speech and there's a time limit, don't squeeze in the thirty thoughts that come to your head. Pick the three most important ideas, and elaborate on those.
2-2. Eliminate verbal pauses.
Words such as um, a, like, etc... degrade and detract from what you say. They disturb the flow of a sentence and make it detached. A nonverbal pause is much better. When floundering for words, a nonverbal pause, placed correctly, gives the listener the effect of a dramatic or studied thought. It confirms your control over what is being said.
Speaking more slowly, eliminating distractions, and making eye contact will also help you stick to your message.
2-3. Speak more slowly.
Another way to speak more clearly is to speak more slowly. You may feel that if you rush and say everything you wanted to say, that you'll be able to get it over with and make people see your point more clearly. However, if you take the time to slow down, think about what you have to say, and pronounce your words in a way that won't make you mumble or confuse your audiences, then you will actually be more well-spoken.
You don't have to speak…so…slowly…that you feel like you're pausing between every word, but pausing in between sentences to give yourself time to prepare your next sentence will do the trick.
If you speak too quickly, there's also a chance that you will say something that you regret or that makes absolutely no sense, and you'll have to do some backtracking to make your audience understand what you really mean; you can avoid all that by speaking slowly to begin with.
2-4. Use your hands.
If you keep your hands in your pockets, you are more likely to stutter, forget what you have to say, or to confuse your audience. That's because using your hands to gesture can help you explain what you mean and can get your whole body into the speaking process. Communication doesn't just come from your mouth, but from your posture, your eye contact, your gesturing, and your body language -- it's part of a whole package. So the next time you speak, take those hands out of your pocket. Even if you don't use them to gesture a ton, you'll feel more comfortable if you gesture a little.
Keeping your hands in your pockets will also make you look less confident, which will make your message look weaker.
2-5. Limit distractions.
Another way to be more well-spoken is to be really focused on your message. You may be saying "um" and "uh" or forgetting your train of thought every few sentences because your phone keeps vibrating, because you're running late, or because you're worried about a meeting you have later that day. So, stay in the moment and focus on what you're saying when you're saying it as much as you can.
If you are focused only on your message, you'll be able to deliver it more articulately, and your audience will pay more attention, too.
3. Going the Extra Kilometer or Mile
3-1. Expand your knowledge base.
If you want to make a lifelong effort to be a more articulate person, then you have to live a more intellectual life. Read contemporary and classic fiction to be immersed in the world of literature. Read non-fiction and the paper to be up-to-date. Watch the news to have a better sense of what is going on in the world, and how relevant issues are expressed. Talk to other intelligent people and make a habit of communicating wisely.
Sure, reading an extra book a month or reading the paper every day may not immediately make you more articulate the next time you have a conversation, but you will able to see it impact your speaking and cognitive abilities in the long run.
3-2. Get to know your audience.
Another way to be more articulate is to work to have a strong sense of the group of people you are talking to. If you're giving a presentation on a poet to a group of literary scholars, then you can assume that they understand the vocabulary and concepts you are using; but if you're teaching a group of fifth-grade students to write their own poetry, then the words you use, and the level of explanation you give, will have to be very different depending on who you're talking to.
Being a complete genius won't help you at all when talking to a group of nine-year-olds; to be a professional at being articulate, you'll have to adjust your words and speech to your audience whenever it's necessary.
3-3. Tell a story.
If you tell a story, you are more likely to get rid of all that verbal filler or the hesitation, because you will know it like the back of your hand and will be able to move more fluently from one sentence to the next. If you have a story that illustrates your point very well, then you should use it in a speech or when you talk to people, and you will sound more animated and articulate because you'll be speaking from a place that makes you comfortable.
Practicing telling the story in advance, of course, can help you fine-tune it, even if you think you know it pretty well.
3-4. Get inspired by famous speeches and speakers.
Go on YouTube or another online source and watch some great speakers, such as Martin Luther King or Steve Jobs, and see if you can learn anything from them. You can also read some great speeches, such as "The Gettysburg Address," to see if you can pick up on how to impress and inspire people. You can also just watch inspiring speakers on the news who are particularly well-spoken and thoughtful, and see what you can learn from them.
Take notes while you watch or read. You'll see that you can learn a lot about how to be articulate just by watching other people who are well-spoken.
3-5. Make your content even more interesting.
Another way to wow a crowd or a co-worker and to get your message across is to make sure that your message is worth listening to. Though telling an amazing and inspiring story about how you finished a marathon with a sprained ankle may not be perfectly stated, if you make the story interesting enough, people will be able to overlook the times you pause, stutter, or use verbal filler. So, the next time you're nervous about talking to people, don't just focus on how you state the message -- focus on making the message itself as engaging as possible.
To make your content more interesting, you can not only trim down the extra verbiage, but you can also figure out what would be the most captivating thing to tell your audience.
3-6. Join a speech club.
This will put you in touch with like-minded people and will offer the time and place you need to give speeches, captivate audiences, and learn to be more articulate. If you're feeling shy or afraid to speak in front of audiences, this will give you the push you need to become a more confident, articulate person.
Tips
Keep up to date with current events and know your history. This is not mandatory, but it assists in intelligent conversation. What use is your speaking ability if you have nothing to speak about?
Pick a word from a dictionary and use it as many times as you can in one day.
If you are incapable of anything regarding articulation such as, can't eliminate verbal pauses, can't think before you speak, have a weak vocabulary, can't speak without slang or vulgarities etc. Do not despair! By simply reading aloud any professional writing such as a book, newspaper, or article you can instantaneously possess all the aforementioned qualities an articulate speaker should have!
The key to becoming an independent articulate speaker however, is to look up words and correct pronunciation for which you are unfamiliar with, and to refine your pronunciation as you go along reading aloud more often. Just like physical exercise you'll notice your voice gaining strength and through practice your brain will become accustomed to speaking articulately. Training your voice can be fun just as any artist can develop and hone a unique style, but know knowledge and consistency are king. By reading aloud you'll strengthen your voice and gain knowledge at the same time! There are great role-models, but in the end you have to put in the effort! Either through conversation or by reading aloud, practice.
Warnings
Avoid rambling. If you do not have anything to say, sit down! No one has ever complained about a meeting that ended early.
Avoid profanity. Crude language never heightens anyone's opinion of you, unless they're preteen boys.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:19",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Sounding More Intelligent\\n1-1. Know your subject.\\nSpeak on matters where you are able to bring more clarity to others or help add to the discussion. Speaking from a desire to add something or just get your voice heard, will not add to your perceived level of articulateness. Let others speak about things that they are an expert in and add to that discussion through articulate questions. Do your research and know the alternative perspectives but be willing to quit sharing when you move outside your current knowledge.\\nIf you don't know your subject well but have to speak on it, then extensive research will help you sound like you know your stuff.\\n1-2. Think before you speak.\\nThis helps to eliminate the verbal pauses and may prevent you from saying something that does not make sense. It's okay if this slows you down a bit. In fact, pausing before you give a real answer will make you look more thoughtful and intelligent than someone who just blurts out a string of nonsensical phrases as soon as a question is posed.\\nIf someone asks you a question and you really want to think it through, don't be afraid to say, \\\"Come back to me in a minute. I need to gather my thoughts.\\\" You will sound much more prepared after you have time to think.\\n1-3. Expand your vocabulary.\\nUsing a variety of words that mean that same thing creates more interest and color in your speech. If you do not understand the words you read, consult a dictionary or thesaurus. The easiest way to expand your vocabulary is to read, read, read. Knowing synonyms for words can be helpful, but you should make sure you use them correctly instead of using a word you've only ever seen in a dictionary aloud for the first time.\\nYou can create vocabulary flashcards and quiz yourself. Make a goal of learning ten new words a week.\\n1-4. Use real words.\\nShun slang and contractions. Instead of hi, use hello, instead of yeah, use yes. Never use huh, uh-huh unless in the context of a story or event….if you're giving a formal or even semi-formal presentation, then it's important to use intelligent, full words. Avoid too many contractions (say \\\"I cannot\\\" instead of \\\"I can't\\\") and speak in complete sentences as much as you can, unless you are not doing so for effect.\\n1-5. Use correct grammar.\\nStudy the proper uses of the words following words: I, me, him, his, he, no, not. They are commonly used incorrectly in cases such as double negatives and when listing people. When reiterating a fact you already stated, always say \\\"as I said\\\", never, \\\"like I said\\\". Here are some other tricks to know:\\nYou should say, \\\"He and I were discussing…\\\" instead of \\\"Him and I were discussing…\\\"\\nYou should say, \\\"You can give your report to her or me,\\\" instead of \\\"You can give your report to her or I.\\\"\\nYou should say, \\\"Such as…\\\" instead of \\\"like…\\\"\\n1-6. Exude confidence.\\nIf you want to sound articulate and intelligent, then you have to look confident when you deliver your message. Make eye contact with the audience, sound like you really mean what you say, and speak loudly enough for people to hear you. If you seem comfortable with your message and like you believe in your words, instead of second-guessing yourself, then people will be more likely to believe in it too.\\nMake your sentences sound firm and decisive. Don't end your sentences with a question or with turning up your voice slightly, or you'll sound like you're constantly asking for affirmation.\\n1-7. Improve your posture.\\nYour posture can go a long way in making you sound more intelligent. Stand up tall and avoid hunching over at all costs, whether you're standing up, walking, or sitting down. Don't cross your arms over your chest; keep them at your sides and use them to gesture. Elongate your neck slightly. Standing up tall will make your words sound more forceful and will make people believe that you know what you're talking about even more.\\n1-8. Prepare -- a lot.\\nIf you want to sound smart, then you can't just spout out your latest ideas to a group of people or your close friends without thinking about how you'll frame them in advance. What you have to do is prepare what you're going to say, whether you're giving a class presentation or talking to your girlfriend about a relationship issue. Rehearse what you have to say as much as you need to in order to feel comfortable about saying what you have to say.\\nIt's important to practice and rehearse, but it's also important for what you say to sound natural. Therefore, you should know the material well enough to change things up if it becomes necessary.\\n2. Being More Well-Spoken\\n2-1. Be more concise.\\nSaying more by saying less can make some people shut down or quit listening. Add content to discussions that is as condensed as possible without being vague. Talking until you get to your point will ensure half of your audience has already tuned out. State your point up front and people will know what you are trying to elaborate about.\\nIf you have to give a speech and there's a time limit, don't squeeze in the thirty thoughts that come to your head. Pick the three most important ideas, and elaborate on those.\\n2-2. Eliminate verbal pauses.\\nWords such as um, a, like, etc... degrade and detract from what you say. They disturb the flow of a sentence and make it detached. A nonverbal pause is much better. When floundering for words, a nonverbal pause, placed correctly, gives the listener the effect of a dramatic or studied thought. It confirms your control over what is being said.\\nSpeaking more slowly, eliminating distractions, and making eye contact will also help you stick to your message.\\n2-3. Speak more slowly.\\nAnother way to speak more clearly is to speak more slowly. You may feel that if you rush and say everything you wanted to say, that you'll be able to get it over with and make people see your point more clearly. However, if you take the time to slow down, think about what you have to say, and pronounce your words in a way that won't make you mumble or confuse your audiences, then you will actually be more well-spoken.\\nYou don't have to speak…so…slowly…that you feel like you're pausing between every word, but pausing in between sentences to give yourself time to prepare your next sentence will do the trick.\\nIf you speak too quickly, there's also a chance that you will say something that you regret or that makes absolutely no sense, and you'll have to do some backtracking to make your audience understand what you really mean; you can avoid all that by speaking slowly to begin with.\\n2-4. Use your hands.\\nIf you keep your hands in your pockets, you are more likely to stutter, forget what you have to say, or to confuse your audience. That's because using your hands to gesture can help you explain what you mean and can get your whole body into the speaking process. Communication doesn't just come from your mouth, but from your posture, your eye contact, your gesturing, and your body language -- it's part of a whole package. So the next time you speak, take those hands out of your pocket. Even if you don't use them to gesture a ton, you'll feel more comfortable if you gesture a little.\\nKeeping your hands in your pockets will also make you look less confident, which will make your message look weaker.\\n2-5. Limit distractions.\\nAnother way to be more well-spoken is to be really focused on your message. You may be saying \\\"um\\\" and \\\"uh\\\" or forgetting your train of thought every few sentences because your phone keeps vibrating, because you're running late, or because you're worried about a meeting you have later that day. So, stay in the moment and focus on what you're saying when you're saying it as much as you can.\\nIf you are focused only on your message, you'll be able to deliver it more articulately, and your audience will pay more attention, too.\\n3. Going the Extra Kilometer or Mile\\n3-1. Expand your knowledge base.\\nIf you want to make a lifelong effort to be a more articulate person, then you have to live a more intellectual life. Read contemporary and classic fiction to be immersed in the world of literature. Read non-fiction and the paper to be up-to-date. Watch the news to have a better sense of what is going on in the world, and how relevant issues are expressed. Talk to other intelligent people and make a habit of communicating wisely.\\nSure, reading an extra book a month or reading the paper every day may not immediately make you more articulate the next time you have a conversation, but you will able to see it impact your speaking and cognitive abilities in the long run.\\n3-2. Get to know your audience.\\nAnother way to be more articulate is to work to have a strong sense of the group of people you are talking to. If you're giving a presentation on a poet to a group of literary scholars, then you can assume that they understand the vocabulary and concepts you are using; but if you're teaching a group of fifth-grade students to write their own poetry, then the words you use, and the level of explanation you give, will have to be very different depending on who you're talking to.\\nBeing a complete genius won't help you at all when talking to a group of nine-year-olds; to be a professional at being articulate, you'll have to adjust your words and speech to your audience whenever it's necessary.\\n3-3. Tell a story.\\nIf you tell a story, you are more likely to get rid of all that verbal filler or the hesitation, because you will know it like the back of your hand and will be able to move more fluently from one sentence to the next. If you have a story that illustrates your point very well, then you should use it in a speech or when you talk to people, and you will sound more animated and articulate because you'll be speaking from a place that makes you comfortable.\\nPracticing telling the story in advance, of course, can help you fine-tune it, even if you think you know it pretty well.\\n3-4. Get inspired by famous speeches and speakers.\\nGo on YouTube or another online source and watch some great speakers, such as Martin Luther King or Steve Jobs, and see if you can learn anything from them. You can also read some great speeches, such as \\\"The Gettysburg Address,\\\" to see if you can pick up on how to impress and inspire people. You can also just watch inspiring speakers on the news who are particularly well-spoken and thoughtful, and see what you can learn from them.\\nTake notes while you watch or read. You'll see that you can learn a lot about how to be articulate just by watching other people who are well-spoken.\\n3-5. Make your content even more interesting.\\nAnother way to wow a crowd or a co-worker and to get your message across is to make sure that your message is worth listening to. Though telling an amazing and inspiring story about how you finished a marathon with a sprained ankle may not be perfectly stated, if you make the story interesting enough, people will be able to overlook the times you pause, stutter, or use verbal filler. So, the next time you're nervous about talking to people, don't just focus on how you state the message -- focus on making the message itself as engaging as possible.\\nTo make your content more interesting, you can not only trim down the extra verbiage, but you can also figure out what would be the most captivating thing to tell your audience.\\n3-6. Join a speech club.\\nThis will put you in touch with like-minded people and will offer the time and place you need to give speeches, captivate audiences, and learn to be more articulate. If you're feeling shy or afraid to speak in front of audiences, this will give you the push you need to become a more confident, articulate person.\\nTips\\nKeep up to date with current events and know your history. This is not mandatory, but it assists in intelligent conversation. What use is your speaking ability if you have nothing to speak about?\\nPick a word from a dictionary and use it as many times as you can in one day.\\nIf you are incapable of anything regarding articulation such as, can't eliminate verbal pauses, can't think before you speak, have a weak vocabulary, can't speak without slang or vulgarities etc. Do not despair! By simply reading aloud any professional writing such as a book, newspaper, or article you can instantaneously possess all the aforementioned qualities an articulate speaker should have!\\nThe key to becoming an independent articulate speaker however, is to look up words and correct pronunciation for which you are unfamiliar with, and to refine your pronunciation as you go along reading aloud more often. Just like physical exercise you'll notice your voice gaining strength and through practice your brain will become accustomed to speaking articulately. Training your voice can be fun just as any artist can develop and hone a unique style, but know knowledge and consistency are king. By reading aloud you'll strengthen your voice and gain knowledge at the same time! There are great role-models, but in the end you have to put in the effort! Either through conversation or by reading aloud, practice.\\nWarnings\\nAvoid rambling. If you do not have anything to say, sit down! No one has ever complained about a meeting that ended early.\\nAvoid profanity. Crude language never heightens anyone's opinion of you, unless they're preteen boys.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being articulate gives people the impression of a solid, full education and cultured mind; it will make people more likely to listen to you and to respect your intelligence. Whether you're giving a presentation or trying to tell your best friends a funny story, if you make an effort to think before you speak and to be clearer and more concise on a regular basis, then you will be the most articulate person in the room in no time.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Sounding More Intelligent\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Know your subject.\", \"描述\": \"Speak on matters where you are able to bring more clarity to others or help add to the discussion. Speaking from a desire to add something or just get your voice heard, will not add to your perceived level of articulateness. Let others speak about things that they are an expert in and add to that discussion through articulate questions. Do your research and know the alternative perspectives but be willing to quit sharing when you move outside your current knowledge.\\nIf you don't know your subject well but have to speak on it, then extensive research will help you sound like you know your stuff.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Think before you speak.\", \"描述\": \"This helps to eliminate the verbal pauses and may prevent you from saying something that does not make sense. It's okay if this slows you down a bit. In fact, pausing before you give a real answer will make you look more thoughtful and intelligent than someone who just blurts out a string of nonsensical phrases as soon as a question is posed.\\nIf someone asks you a question and you really want to think it through, don't be afraid to say, \\\"Come back to me in a minute. I need to gather my thoughts.\\\" You will sound much more prepared after you have time to think.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Expand your vocabulary.\", \"描述\": \"Using a variety of words that mean that same thing creates more interest and color in your speech. If you do not understand the words you read, consult a dictionary or thesaurus. The easiest way to expand your vocabulary is to read, read, read. Knowing synonyms for words can be helpful, but you should make sure you use them correctly instead of using a word you've only ever seen in a dictionary aloud for the first time.\\nYou can create vocabulary flashcards and quiz yourself. Make a goal of learning ten new words a week.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Use real words.\", \"描述\": \"Shun slang and contractions. Instead of hi, use hello, instead of yeah, use yes. Never use huh, uh-huh unless in the context of a story or event….if you're giving a formal or even semi-formal presentation, then it's important to use intelligent, full words. Avoid too many contractions (say \\\"I cannot\\\" instead of \\\"I can't\\\") and speak in complete sentences as much as you can, unless you are not doing so for effect.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Use correct grammar.\", \"描述\": \"Study the proper uses of the words following words: I, me, him, his, he, no, not. They are commonly used incorrectly in cases such as double negatives and when listing people. When reiterating a fact you already stated, always say \\\"as I said\\\", never, \\\"like I said\\\". Here are some other tricks to know:\\nYou should say, \\\"He and I were discussing…\\\" instead of \\\"Him and I were discussing…\\\"\\nYou should say, \\\"You can give your report to her or me,\\\" instead of \\\"You can give your report to her or I.\\\"\\nYou should say, \\\"Such as…\\\" instead of \\\"like…\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Exude confidence.\", \"描述\": \"If you want to sound articulate and intelligent, then you have to look confident when you deliver your message. Make eye contact with the audience, sound like you really mean what you say, and speak loudly enough for people to hear you. If you seem comfortable with your message and like you believe in your words, instead of second-guessing yourself, then people will be more likely to believe in it too.\\nMake your sentences sound firm and decisive. Don't end your sentences with a question or with turning up your voice slightly, or you'll sound like you're constantly asking for affirmation.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Improve your posture.\", \"描述\": \"Your posture can go a long way in making you sound more intelligent. Stand up tall and avoid hunching over at all costs, whether you're standing up, walking, or sitting down. Don't cross your arms over your chest; keep them at your sides and use them to gesture. Elongate your neck slightly. Standing up tall will make your words sound more forceful and will make people believe that you know what you're talking about even more.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Prepare -- a lot.\", \"描述\": \"If you want to sound smart, then you can't just spout out your latest ideas to a group of people or your close friends without thinking about how you'll frame them in advance. What you have to do is prepare what you're going to say, whether you're giving a class presentation or talking to your girlfriend about a relationship issue. Rehearse what you have to say as much as you need to in order to feel comfortable about saying what you have to say.\\nIt's important to practice and rehearse, but it's also important for what you say to sound natural. Therefore, you should know the material well enough to change things up if it becomes necessary.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being More Well-Spoken\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be more concise.\", \"描述\": \"Saying more by saying less can make some people shut down or quit listening. Add content to discussions that is as condensed as possible without being vague. Talking until you get to your point will ensure half of your audience has already tuned out. State your point up front and people will know what you are trying to elaborate about.\\nIf you have to give a speech and there's a time limit, don't squeeze in the thirty thoughts that come to your head. Pick the three most important ideas, and elaborate on those.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Eliminate verbal pauses.\", \"描述\": \"Words such as um, a, like, etc... degrade and detract from what you say. They disturb the flow of a sentence and make it detached. A nonverbal pause is much better. When floundering for words, a nonverbal pause, placed correctly, gives the listener the effect of a dramatic or studied thought. It confirms your control over what is being said.\\nSpeaking more slowly, eliminating distractions, and making eye contact will also help you stick to your message.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Speak more slowly.\", \"描述\": \"Another way to speak more clearly is to speak more slowly. You may feel that if you rush and say everything you wanted to say, that you'll be able to get it over with and make people see your point more clearly. However, if you take the time to slow down, think about what you have to say, and pronounce your words in a way that won't make you mumble or confuse your audiences, then you will actually be more well-spoken.\\nYou don't have to speak…so…slowly…that you feel like you're pausing between every word, but pausing in between sentences to give yourself time to prepare your next sentence will do the trick.\\nIf you speak too quickly, there's also a chance that you will say something that you regret or that makes absolutely no sense, and you'll have to do some backtracking to make your audience understand what you really mean; you can avoid all that by speaking slowly to begin with.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Use your hands.\", \"描述\": \"If you keep your hands in your pockets, you are more likely to stutter, forget what you have to say, or to confuse your audience. That's because using your hands to gesture can help you explain what you mean and can get your whole body into the speaking process. Communication doesn't just come from your mouth, but from your posture, your eye contact, your gesturing, and your body language -- it's part of a whole package. So the next time you speak, take those hands out of your pocket. Even if you don't use them to gesture a ton, you'll feel more comfortable if you gesture a little.\\nKeeping your hands in your pockets will also make you look less confident, which will make your message look weaker.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Limit distractions.\", \"描述\": \"Another way to be more well-spoken is to be really focused on your message. You may be saying \\\"um\\\" and \\\"uh\\\" or forgetting your train of thought every few sentences because your phone keeps vibrating, because you're running late, or because you're worried about a meeting you have later that day. So, stay in the moment and focus on what you're saying when you're saying it as much as you can.\\nIf you are focused only on your message, you'll be able to deliver it more articulately, and your audience will pay more attention, too.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Going the Extra Kilometer or Mile\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Expand your knowledge base.\", \"描述\": \"If you want to make a lifelong effort to be a more articulate person, then you have to live a more intellectual life. Read contemporary and classic fiction to be immersed in the world of literature. Read non-fiction and the paper to be up-to-date. Watch the news to have a better sense of what is going on in the world, and how relevant issues are expressed. Talk to other intelligent people and make a habit of communicating wisely.\\nSure, reading an extra book a month or reading the paper every day may not immediately make you more articulate the next time you have a conversation, but you will able to see it impact your speaking and cognitive abilities in the long run.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Get to know your audience.\", \"描述\": \"Another way to be more articulate is to work to have a strong sense of the group of people you are talking to. If you're giving a presentation on a poet to a group of literary scholars, then you can assume that they understand the vocabulary and concepts you are using; but if you're teaching a group of fifth-grade students to write their own poetry, then the words you use, and the level of explanation you give, will have to be very different depending on who you're talking to.\\nBeing a complete genius won't help you at all when talking to a group of nine-year-olds; to be a professional at being articulate, you'll have to adjust your words and speech to your audience whenever it's necessary.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Tell a story.\", \"描述\": \"If you tell a story, you are more likely to get rid of all that verbal filler or the hesitation, because you will know it like the back of your hand and will be able to move more fluently from one sentence to the next. If you have a story that illustrates your point very well, then you should use it in a speech or when you talk to people, and you will sound more animated and articulate because you'll be speaking from a place that makes you comfortable.\\nPracticing telling the story in advance, of course, can help you fine-tune it, even if you think you know it pretty well.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Get inspired by famous speeches and speakers.\", \"描述\": \"Go on YouTube or another online source and watch some great speakers, such as Martin Luther King or Steve Jobs, and see if you can learn anything from them. You can also read some great speeches, such as \\\"The Gettysburg Address,\\\" to see if you can pick up on how to impress and inspire people. You can also just watch inspiring speakers on the news who are particularly well-spoken and thoughtful, and see what you can learn from them.\\nTake notes while you watch or read. You'll see that you can learn a lot about how to be articulate just by watching other people who are well-spoken.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Make your content even more interesting.\", \"描述\": \"Another way to wow a crowd or a co-worker and to get your message across is to make sure that your message is worth listening to. Though telling an amazing and inspiring story about how you finished a marathon with a sprained ankle may not be perfectly stated, if you make the story interesting enough, people will be able to overlook the times you pause, stutter, or use verbal filler. So, the next time you're nervous about talking to people, don't just focus on how you state the message -- focus on making the message itself as engaging as possible.\\nTo make your content more interesting, you can not only trim down the extra verbiage, but you can also figure out what would be the most captivating thing to tell your audience.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Join a speech club.\", \"描述\": \"This will put you in touch with like-minded people and will offer the time and place you need to give speeches, captivate audiences, and learn to be more articulate. If you're feeling shy or afraid to speak in front of audiences, this will give you the push you need to become a more confident, articulate person.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Keep up to date with current events and know your history. This is not mandatory, but it assists in intelligent conversation. What use is your speaking ability if you have nothing to speak about?\\n\", \"Pick a word from a dictionary and use it as many times as you can in one day.\\n\", \"If you are incapable of anything regarding articulation such as, can't eliminate verbal pauses, can't think before you speak, have a weak vocabulary, can't speak without slang or vulgarities etc. Do not despair! By simply reading aloud any professional writing such as a book, newspaper, or article you can instantaneously possess all the aforementioned qualities an articulate speaker should have!\\nThe key to becoming an independent articulate speaker however, is to look up words and correct pronunciation for which you are unfamiliar with, and to refine your pronunciation as you go along reading aloud more often. Just like physical exercise you'll notice your voice gaining strength and through practice your brain will become accustomed to speaking articulately. Training your voice can be fun just as any artist can develop and hone a unique style, but know knowledge and consistency are king. By reading aloud you'll strengthen your voice and gain knowledge at the same time! There are great role-models, but in the end you have to put in the effort! Either through conversation or by reading aloud, practice.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Avoid rambling. If you do not have anything to say, sit down! No one has ever complained about a meeting that ended early.\\n\", \"Avoid profanity. Crude language never heightens anyone's opinion of you, unless they're preteen boys.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,547 | How to Be As Perfect As Possible | 1. On the Outside
1-1. Practice good hygiene.
Staying fresh and clean gives you the building blocks to work toward your best self. Develop a routine that leaves you feeling squeaky clean and smelling great. Remember to always scrub areas such as elbows, necks and knees due to the bacteria you bring home each day. The bacteria will cause your elbows to turn darker if you have a pale skintone.
Shower daily. Pick out a body soap that appeals to you and scrub down! Don't feel obligated to wash your hair every day (in fact, that could dry it out), but do wash up regularly, especially after workouts.
Pick out a shampoo and conditioner for your hair type. Use a deep treatment every so often to increase your hair's natural shine.
Brush your teeth (and tongue!) at least twice a day. Make it a habit when you get up and right before go to bed. A whitening toothpaste will make your pearly whites glisten even more.While you're at it, floss and use mouthwash! Not only are they good habits to have, but they reduce your chances of gum disease and tooth decay.
Use deodorant. Throughout the day, our body releases oils and odors that don't always help us look our best. Using deodorant regularly prevents any unnecessary smells from creeping out of nooks and crannies.
Don't douse yourself in perfume or cologne. A light spray is a good idea, but smelling you from across the street, even if you smell like a field of daisies, is overpowering and less than ideal.
1-2. Get a good night's rest.
Not only does 8 hours of sleep a night make you feel energized and ready for the day, it benefits your appearance and quality of life.(Prevents darker bags under your eyes too!)
Circulation increases in our sleep. That means our skin is receiving the most nutrients it receives at night, preparing it to look healthier and glow.
Sleep and metabolism are controlled by the same areas of the brain. Studies have shown that participants who get more sleep lose more fat than their counterparts, who lose more muscle.
Sleep allows our brains time to consolidate memories. Not only does a healthy amount of sleep make for easier recall, but the same restructuring of memories spurs the creative process. Our attention is sharpened, making it easier to focus (and get better grades!).
Sleeping around 8 hours a night spurs athleticism, too. Athletes who slept around 10 hours a night experienced less daytime fatigue and faster running times.
1-3. Care for your skin.
Depending on your skin type, this could mean different things. But whatever skin you're in, develop a regimen catered to it.
Know your skin type. If you have dry skin, use a heavier, more moisturizing cleanser. If you have oily skin, stick to something light and oil-free. Wash up at least once a day to remove dirt and residue.
If you have acne, use treatments containing salicylic acid or benzoyl peroxide to combat blemishes on your own. If that's not working, consider seeing a dermatologist. Don't pop your zits--they'll scar your face and lead to more. Make-up works to cover them up in case of an emergency, but it clogs pores and can lead to more breakouts in the future.
Protect your skin from the sun; even 15 minutes outside can start the process rolling. Use moisturizers and lip balms with SPF 15. Pale will always be more in than splotchy and wrinkly.
Don't forget, part of skin is nails! How long or short you want them is up to you, but be sure to remove sharp edges and keep them clean. And don't miss your toes!
1-4. Style your hair.
Every person has a different ideal hairstyle. Experiment with a few or consult a stylist.
If you've found a style you're happy with, maintain it well. Trim your hair every 6 to 8 weeks and remove tangles with a wide-toothed comb. Too much brushing can put stress on your scalp and hair.
Stay away from heat treatments and appliances. Unnatural levels of heat dry out your hair and weaken it, causing it to damage. Air dry your hair as often as possible.
Styling men's hair follows the same general principles.
1-5. Go natural.
Anyone wearing too much make-up is sending the world the message that they are not beautiful on their own. Stay natural-looking to seem organically perfect.
Use powders to soak up shine.
Blush and tinted lip balm will give your visage a rosy, sun-kissed look (without the damage).
Use a bit of mascara to lengthen and accentuate your eyelashes.
If you have skin issues (or an occasion to wear more), familiarize yourself with how to wear concealer and foundation. Worn right it can look good, but worn wrong, it can look absolutely horrendous.
1-6. Dress to your ideals.
There is no one "perfect" look; in fact, the look that is best on you is the one you are the most comfortable in.
Whatever clothes you choose, make sure they're clean. Dirty is never trendy.
Don't concern yourself with being fashionable. Trends come and go and it'll be exhausting keeping up. Instead, develop your own style and set them yourself. Your money will last longer and you'll be happier being yourself.
Wear clothes that fit and are appropriate. Too tight and you're trying too hard, too loose and your left hand is wasted holding them up. When trying on clothes, consider all angles and move around before buying.
2. On the Inside
2-1. Be confident.
A person that lights up a room is the one everyone wants to be around. Acting confident--whether you are or not--is the first step to presenting the image you're aiming for.
Hold your head high! Body language speaks much more loudly than words. Keeping your back straight and your chin up causes people to notice your presence and self-assuredness.
Make eye contact. Let others know you're paying attention to them. If you shy away from their gaze, you'll seem nervous and inhibited. Confidence is not only sexy, but gains others' trust more quickly.
2-2. Smile
Happiness is contagious. If you're the one who's always funny and smiling, others will be naturally drawn to you.
Not only will those around you feel the mood lift, but you will too! Your brain takes cues from your muscles; smile and soon you'll feel it's natural, even if it wasn't in the first place.
2-3. Be healthy.
When you're feeling crappy, everything is harder to do. Being perfect is much easier to manage when you feel and look your best.
Stick to a healthy, balanced diet. When we treat our bodies, we treat ourselves. Loading up on whole grains, fruits, and vegetables not only prevents weight gain, but it also leads to more energy, lower risk of disease, and a longer life. Stay away from too many processed goods--they often lack nutrients and are high in unhealthy, unnatural sugars.
Stay active. Exercising has shown to make skin glow and lead to better sleep, in addition to its numerous health benefits. Even taking a walk a few times a week will help to clear your mind, complexion, and leave you feeling more relaxed.
2-4. Love yourself.
In order to be truly confident and beautiful, you must love the skin you're in. This may seem difficult, but, luckily, you are the only obstacle in your way from true self-acceptance.
Write down a list of all your good qualities. If that's a struggle, ask others what they think. Go over this list every morning, adding qualities as you notice them.
Stay positive! If you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, immediately stop. The negative thoughts are completely controllable. If they keep on returning, busy yourself with an activity. If you need to, get it all out in a journal. Bottling an emotion up leads to stress and frustration.
2-5. Open your mind.
With a closed mind, we cannot see perfection in all its forms. The world out there is large and you may not have all the information. As you form opinions, put yourself in others' shoes.
Keeping open-minded will lead to positivity, empathy, and understanding--attributes all humans are attracted to. You'll be more open-minded about your own flaws, the shortcomings of others, and the less glowing facts about our world. Others will see that you accept them for who they are and they, in turn, will be more likely to accept you.
Let things go. Being bogged down by those who have hurt or betrayed you weighs down your spirit. Happiness, positivity, and confidence--keys to being perfect--are not attainable if you're caught up in grudges and revenge. Forgive, forget, and move on. You don't have time for negativity anymore. This new, perfect you is better than that.
3. Carrying It Out
3-1. Pursue your goals.
Whatever they are, go for them. A person with ambition and motivation is often unstoppable.
Your goals can be concrete or abstract. Write them down. Next to them, write how you will do this. It could be something internal, as in "I want to be more confident. In the coming weeks, I will 1) start a conversation with someone new, 2) put myself in front of a group of people, and 3) ask a guy/girl for their phone number." Or, it could be an external goal: "I want to save an extra $500 a month. This will be attained by limiting myself to eating out once a week, riding my bike to work, and working 15 extra hours a month."
Stick to them. When you start seeing them fulfilled, your inner sense of worth and pride will swell. After all, most of the battle of being perfect is believing you're perfect.
3-2. Master a skill.
If you're creative, sing, paint, or dance. If you're athletic, get on the field. If you're tech-savvy, build a computer. Doing something well not only makes us interesting and multi-dimensional (and give us more things to talk about), but it leads to new and different opportunities.
Correlate these skills with your goals. If you want to make more money, how can you do that with your skill set? Start a side business? Sell your paintings? If you want to lose weight, how can you cater to that? Cook vegetarian or low-fat dishes? Take your nature-loving side to the hiking trails? Look into yourself for the answers--they'll come the easiest.
3-3. Keep on learning.
Your personality is multi-faceted; you're not just a pretty face. Read up on current events and topics that interest you to be an interesting conversationalist.
On top of being dynamic and well-read, you'll be a problem solver and quick to engage. "Uh oh, your potatoes sprouted early, huh? Should've put an apple in there!" "Yes, I read about that! What do you think will be the implications of China's new stance?"
Don't forget about the benefits for yourself. You'll be able to make better, more informed decisions and understand the bigger picture. What's more, having a mind for learning opens up job prospects and more paths to financial success.
3-4. Be kind.
If you're intelligent, confident, and skilled, it doesn't matter unless you put those qualities to good use. Take opportunities to make others' lives easier. Being smart and beautiful is great, but being smart, beautiful, sympathetic, and giving is near perfect.
Help others. When you see someone struggling--be it with too many groceries or a math problem--offer your help. You'll put a smile on their face, which will put a smile on yours.
Be polite and respectful. T If someone is different or feels differently than you, take a step back before you judge. You may not fully understand where they're coming from and simply require clarification.
Helping others doesn't end when you leave the room. Clean up after yourself and make things easier for your friends and family by being thoughtful. If a family member cooked dinner, volunteer to clean the dishes. If a friend missed class, get her the notes. Take small opportunities to make the world around you brighter.
In addition to being kind to those around you, be kind to the planet! It's the only one we have. Don't litter or use electricity excessively. Ride your bicycle or carpool when you can and used recycled goods if available.
3-5. Be a good friend.
Be a friend to those who get bullied by others. Being perfect does not have to be a selfish endeavor. In fact, being perfect often means putting others first.
Consider others' desires in addition to what you want. What's good for you, may not be good for the whole. Always thinking "me, me, me" will make you a person others don't want to be around and aren't impressed by.
Keep your promises. If you say you'll do something, do it. You have loads of obligations, so don't make promises you can't keep. The last thing you want is to be called a liar or a flake.
3-6. Stick to your values.
Knowing yourself and what you value will make it easier to make good decisions and become the person you want to become. Don't make excuses for dishonesty or hypocrisy. If you know it's right, it doesn't matter whether or not it's popular.
Surround yourself with like-minded people. It's too easy to get caught up in a crowd that forgets about respect, positivity, and growth. Negative influences will stand in your way of becoming your best self.
Tips
If you choose to join a subculture, join one subculture and stay committed to it. Incorporate that subculture's style into your everyday lifestyle.
Perfection is a state of mind. If you work on your perception, things will fall into place. Shakespeare hit the nail on the head when he wrote, "Nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
What makes you happy gets you closer to perfection. What makes others happy gets you closer to losing who you are.
Warnings
Never do anything that makes you uncomfortable or goes against your values in striving for perfection.
"Perfect" does not exist. Striving for something unattainable may make you very unhappy. Think of "perfect" as your best, ideal self. That, however, is attainable.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:50:19",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. On the Outside\\n1-1. Practice good hygiene.\\nStaying fresh and clean gives you the building blocks to work toward your best self. Develop a routine that leaves you feeling squeaky clean and smelling great. Remember to always scrub areas such as elbows, necks and knees due to the bacteria you bring home each day. The bacteria will cause your elbows to turn darker if you have a pale skintone.\\nShower daily. Pick out a body soap that appeals to you and scrub down! Don't feel obligated to wash your hair every day (in fact, that could dry it out), but do wash up regularly, especially after workouts.\\nPick out a shampoo and conditioner for your hair type. Use a deep treatment every so often to increase your hair's natural shine.\\nBrush your teeth (and tongue!) at least twice a day. Make it a habit when you get up and right before go to bed. A whitening toothpaste will make your pearly whites glisten even more.While you're at it, floss and use mouthwash! Not only are they good habits to have, but they reduce your chances of gum disease and tooth decay.\\n\\nUse deodorant. Throughout the day, our body releases oils and odors that don't always help us look our best. Using deodorant regularly prevents any unnecessary smells from creeping out of nooks and crannies.\\nDon't douse yourself in perfume or cologne. A light spray is a good idea, but smelling you from across the street, even if you smell like a field of daisies, is overpowering and less than ideal.\\n1-2. Get a good night's rest.\\nNot only does 8 hours of sleep a night make you feel energized and ready for the day, it benefits your appearance and quality of life.(Prevents darker bags under your eyes too!)\\nCirculation increases in our sleep. That means our skin is receiving the most nutrients it receives at night, preparing it to look healthier and glow.\\nSleep and metabolism are controlled by the same areas of the brain. Studies have shown that participants who get more sleep lose more fat than their counterparts, who lose more muscle.\\nSleep allows our brains time to consolidate memories. Not only does a healthy amount of sleep make for easier recall, but the same restructuring of memories spurs the creative process. Our attention is sharpened, making it easier to focus (and get better grades!).\\nSleeping around 8 hours a night spurs athleticism, too. Athletes who slept around 10 hours a night experienced less daytime fatigue and faster running times.\\n1-3. Care for your skin.\\nDepending on your skin type, this could mean different things. But whatever skin you're in, develop a regimen catered to it.\\n\\nKnow your skin type. If you have dry skin, use a heavier, more moisturizing cleanser. If you have oily skin, stick to something light and oil-free. Wash up at least once a day to remove dirt and residue.\\nIf you have acne, use treatments containing salicylic acid or benzoyl peroxide to combat blemishes on your own. If that's not working, consider seeing a dermatologist. Don't pop your zits--they'll scar your face and lead to more. Make-up works to cover them up in case of an emergency, but it clogs pores and can lead to more breakouts in the future.\\nProtect your skin from the sun; even 15 minutes outside can start the process rolling. Use moisturizers and lip balms with SPF 15. Pale will always be more in than splotchy and wrinkly.\\nDon't forget, part of skin is nails! How long or short you want them is up to you, but be sure to remove sharp edges and keep them clean. And don't miss your toes!\\n1-4. Style your hair.\\nEvery person has a different ideal hairstyle. Experiment with a few or consult a stylist.\\nIf you've found a style you're happy with, maintain it well. Trim your hair every 6 to 8 weeks and remove tangles with a wide-toothed comb. Too much brushing can put stress on your scalp and hair.\\nStay away from heat treatments and appliances. Unnatural levels of heat dry out your hair and weaken it, causing it to damage. Air dry your hair as often as possible.\\n\\nStyling men's hair follows the same general principles.\\n1-5. Go natural.\\nAnyone wearing too much make-up is sending the world the message that they are not beautiful on their own. Stay natural-looking to seem organically perfect.\\nUse powders to soak up shine.\\nBlush and tinted lip balm will give your visage a rosy, sun-kissed look (without the damage).\\nUse a bit of mascara to lengthen and accentuate your eyelashes.\\nIf you have skin issues (or an occasion to wear more), familiarize yourself with how to wear concealer and foundation. Worn right it can look good, but worn wrong, it can look absolutely horrendous.\\n1-6. Dress to your ideals.\\nThere is no one \\\"perfect\\\" look; in fact, the look that is best on you is the one you are the most comfortable in.\\nWhatever clothes you choose, make sure they're clean. Dirty is never trendy.\\nDon't concern yourself with being fashionable. Trends come and go and it'll be exhausting keeping up. Instead, develop your own style and set them yourself. Your money will last longer and you'll be happier being yourself.\\nWear clothes that fit and are appropriate. Too tight and you're trying too hard, too loose and your left hand is wasted holding them up. When trying on clothes, consider all angles and move around before buying.\\n2. On the Inside\\n2-1. Be confident.\\nA person that lights up a room is the one everyone wants to be around. Acting confident--whether you are or not--is the first step to presenting the image you're aiming for.\\nHold your head high! Body language speaks much more loudly than words. Keeping your back straight and your chin up causes people to notice your presence and self-assuredness.\\nMake eye contact. Let others know you're paying attention to them. If you shy away from their gaze, you'll seem nervous and inhibited. Confidence is not only sexy, but gains others' trust more quickly.\\n2-2. Smile\\nHappiness is contagious. If you're the one who's always funny and smiling, others will be naturally drawn to you.\\nNot only will those around you feel the mood lift, but you will too! Your brain takes cues from your muscles; smile and soon you'll feel it's natural, even if it wasn't in the first place.\\n2-3. Be healthy.\\nWhen you're feeling crappy, everything is harder to do. Being perfect is much easier to manage when you feel and look your best.\\nStick to a healthy, balanced diet. When we treat our bodies, we treat ourselves. Loading up on whole grains, fruits, and vegetables not only prevents weight gain, but it also leads to more energy, lower risk of disease, and a longer life. Stay away from too many processed goods--they often lack nutrients and are high in unhealthy, unnatural sugars.\\nStay active. Exercising has shown to make skin glow and lead to better sleep, in addition to its numerous health benefits. Even taking a walk a few times a week will help to clear your mind, complexion, and leave you feeling more relaxed.\\n2-4. Love yourself.\\nIn order to be truly confident and beautiful, you must love the skin you're in. This may seem difficult, but, luckily, you are the only obstacle in your way from true self-acceptance.\\nWrite down a list of all your good qualities. If that's a struggle, ask others what they think. Go over this list every morning, adding qualities as you notice them.\\nStay positive! If you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, immediately stop. The negative thoughts are completely controllable. If they keep on returning, busy yourself with an activity. If you need to, get it all out in a journal. Bottling an emotion up leads to stress and frustration.\\n2-5. Open your mind.\\nWith a closed mind, we cannot see perfection in all its forms. The world out there is large and you may not have all the information. As you form opinions, put yourself in others' shoes.\\nKeeping open-minded will lead to positivity, empathy, and understanding--attributes all humans are attracted to. You'll be more open-minded about your own flaws, the shortcomings of others, and the less glowing facts about our world. Others will see that you accept them for who they are and they, in turn, will be more likely to accept you.\\nLet things go. Being bogged down by those who have hurt or betrayed you weighs down your spirit. Happiness, positivity, and confidence--keys to being perfect--are not attainable if you're caught up in grudges and revenge. Forgive, forget, and move on. You don't have time for negativity anymore. This new, perfect you is better than that.\\n3. Carrying It Out\\n3-1. Pursue your goals.\\nWhatever they are, go for them. A person with ambition and motivation is often unstoppable.\\nYour goals can be concrete or abstract. Write them down. Next to them, write how you will do this. It could be something internal, as in \\\"I want to be more confident. In the coming weeks, I will 1) start a conversation with someone new, 2) put myself in front of a group of people, and 3) ask a guy/girl for their phone number.\\\" Or, it could be an external goal: \\\"I want to save an extra $500 a month. This will be attained by limiting myself to eating out once a week, riding my bike to work, and working 15 extra hours a month.\\\"\\nStick to them. When you start seeing them fulfilled, your inner sense of worth and pride will swell. After all, most of the battle of being perfect is believing you're perfect.\\n3-2. Master a skill.\\nIf you're creative, sing, paint, or dance. If you're athletic, get on the field. If you're tech-savvy, build a computer. Doing something well not only makes us interesting and multi-dimensional (and give us more things to talk about), but it leads to new and different opportunities.\\nCorrelate these skills with your goals. If you want to make more money, how can you do that with your skill set? Start a side business? Sell your paintings? If you want to lose weight, how can you cater to that? Cook vegetarian or low-fat dishes? Take your nature-loving side to the hiking trails? Look into yourself for the answers--they'll come the easiest.\\n3-3. Keep on learning.\\nYour personality is multi-faceted; you're not just a pretty face. Read up on current events and topics that interest you to be an interesting conversationalist.\\nOn top of being dynamic and well-read, you'll be a problem solver and quick to engage. \\\"Uh oh, your potatoes sprouted early, huh? Should've put an apple in there!\\\" \\\"Yes, I read about that! What do you think will be the implications of China's new stance?\\\"\\nDon't forget about the benefits for yourself. You'll be able to make better, more informed decisions and understand the bigger picture. What's more, having a mind for learning opens up job prospects and more paths to financial success.\\n3-4. Be kind.\\nIf you're intelligent, confident, and skilled, it doesn't matter unless you put those qualities to good use. Take opportunities to make others' lives easier. Being smart and beautiful is great, but being smart, beautiful, sympathetic, and giving is near perfect.\\nHelp others. When you see someone struggling--be it with too many groceries or a math problem--offer your help. You'll put a smile on their face, which will put a smile on yours.\\nBe polite and respectful. T If someone is different or feels differently than you, take a step back before you judge. You may not fully understand where they're coming from and simply require clarification.\\nHelping others doesn't end when you leave the room. Clean up after yourself and make things easier for your friends and family by being thoughtful. If a family member cooked dinner, volunteer to clean the dishes. If a friend missed class, get her the notes. Take small opportunities to make the world around you brighter.\\nIn addition to being kind to those around you, be kind to the planet! It's the only one we have. Don't litter or use electricity excessively. Ride your bicycle or carpool when you can and used recycled goods if available.\\n3-5. Be a good friend.\\nBe a friend to those who get bullied by others. Being perfect does not have to be a selfish endeavor. In fact, being perfect often means putting others first.\\nConsider others' desires in addition to what you want. What's good for you, may not be good for the whole. Always thinking \\\"me, me, me\\\" will make you a person others don't want to be around and aren't impressed by.\\nKeep your promises. If you say you'll do something, do it. You have loads of obligations, so don't make promises you can't keep. The last thing you want is to be called a liar or a flake.\\n3-6. Stick to your values.\\nKnowing yourself and what you value will make it easier to make good decisions and become the person you want to become. Don't make excuses for dishonesty or hypocrisy. If you know it's right, it doesn't matter whether or not it's popular.\\nSurround yourself with like-minded people. It's too easy to get caught up in a crowd that forgets about respect, positivity, and growth. Negative influences will stand in your way of becoming your best self.\\nTips\\nIf you choose to join a subculture, join one subculture and stay committed to it. Incorporate that subculture's style into your everyday lifestyle.\\nPerfection is a state of mind. If you work on your perception, things will fall into place. Shakespeare hit the nail on the head when he wrote, \\\"Nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.\\\"\\nWhat makes you happy gets you closer to perfection. What makes others happy gets you closer to losing who you are.\\nWarnings\\nNever do anything that makes you uncomfortable or goes against your values in striving for perfection.\\n\\\"Perfect\\\" does not exist. Striving for something unattainable may make you very unhappy. Think of \\\"perfect\\\" as your best, ideal self. That, however, is attainable.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"No one is perfect. Not you, not me, not even the most beautiful, successful people on the planet. Perfection is unattainable. But what is attainable is making people wonder if you are. Here's how to make people doubt whether or not perfection is so elusive after all.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"On the Outside\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Practice good hygiene.\", \"描述\": \"Staying fresh and clean gives you the building blocks to work toward your best self. Develop a routine that leaves you feeling squeaky clean and smelling great. Remember to always scrub areas such as elbows, necks and knees due to the bacteria you bring home each day. The bacteria will cause your elbows to turn darker if you have a pale skintone.\\nShower daily. Pick out a body soap that appeals to you and scrub down! Don't feel obligated to wash your hair every day (in fact, that could dry it out), but do wash up regularly, especially after workouts.\\nPick out a shampoo and conditioner for your hair type. Use a deep treatment every so often to increase your hair's natural shine.\\nBrush your teeth (and tongue!) at least twice a day. Make it a habit when you get up and right before go to bed. A whitening toothpaste will make your pearly whites glisten even more.While you're at it, floss and use mouthwash! Not only are they good habits to have, but they reduce your chances of gum disease and tooth decay.\\n\\nUse deodorant. Throughout the day, our body releases oils and odors that don't always help us look our best. Using deodorant regularly prevents any unnecessary smells from creeping out of nooks and crannies.\\nDon't douse yourself in perfume or cologne. A light spray is a good idea, but smelling you from across the street, even if you smell like a field of daisies, is overpowering and less than ideal.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Get a good night's rest.\", \"描述\": \"Not only does 8 hours of sleep a night make you feel energized and ready for the day, it benefits your appearance and quality of life.(Prevents darker bags under your eyes too!)\\nCirculation increases in our sleep. That means our skin is receiving the most nutrients it receives at night, preparing it to look healthier and glow.\\nSleep and metabolism are controlled by the same areas of the brain. Studies have shown that participants who get more sleep lose more fat than their counterparts, who lose more muscle.\\nSleep allows our brains time to consolidate memories. Not only does a healthy amount of sleep make for easier recall, but the same restructuring of memories spurs the creative process. Our attention is sharpened, making it easier to focus (and get better grades!).\\nSleeping around 8 hours a night spurs athleticism, too. Athletes who slept around 10 hours a night experienced less daytime fatigue and faster running times.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Care for your skin.\", \"描述\": \"Depending on your skin type, this could mean different things. But whatever skin you're in, develop a regimen catered to it.\\n\\nKnow your skin type. If you have dry skin, use a heavier, more moisturizing cleanser. If you have oily skin, stick to something light and oil-free. Wash up at least once a day to remove dirt and residue.\\nIf you have acne, use treatments containing salicylic acid or benzoyl peroxide to combat blemishes on your own. If that's not working, consider seeing a dermatologist. Don't pop your zits--they'll scar your face and lead to more. Make-up works to cover them up in case of an emergency, but it clogs pores and can lead to more breakouts in the future.\\nProtect your skin from the sun; even 15 minutes outside can start the process rolling. Use moisturizers and lip balms with SPF 15. Pale will always be more in than splotchy and wrinkly.\\nDon't forget, part of skin is nails! How long or short you want them is up to you, but be sure to remove sharp edges and keep them clean. And don't miss your toes!\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Style your hair.\", \"描述\": \"Every person has a different ideal hairstyle. Experiment with a few or consult a stylist.\\nIf you've found a style you're happy with, maintain it well. Trim your hair every 6 to 8 weeks and remove tangles with a wide-toothed comb. Too much brushing can put stress on your scalp and hair.\\nStay away from heat treatments and appliances. Unnatural levels of heat dry out your hair and weaken it, causing it to damage. Air dry your hair as often as possible.\\n\\nStyling men's hair follows the same general principles.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Go natural.\", \"描述\": \"Anyone wearing too much make-up is sending the world the message that they are not beautiful on their own. Stay natural-looking to seem organically perfect.\\nUse powders to soak up shine.\\nBlush and tinted lip balm will give your visage a rosy, sun-kissed look (without the damage).\\nUse a bit of mascara to lengthen and accentuate your eyelashes.\\nIf you have skin issues (or an occasion to wear more), familiarize yourself with how to wear concealer and foundation. Worn right it can look good, but worn wrong, it can look absolutely horrendous.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Dress to your ideals.\", \"描述\": \"There is no one \\\"perfect\\\" look; in fact, the look that is best on you is the one you are the most comfortable in.\\nWhatever clothes you choose, make sure they're clean. Dirty is never trendy.\\nDon't concern yourself with being fashionable. Trends come and go and it'll be exhausting keeping up. Instead, develop your own style and set them yourself. Your money will last longer and you'll be happier being yourself.\\nWear clothes that fit and are appropriate. Too tight and you're trying too hard, too loose and your left hand is wasted holding them up. When trying on clothes, consider all angles and move around before buying.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"On the Inside\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be confident.\", \"描述\": \"A person that lights up a room is the one everyone wants to be around. Acting confident--whether you are or not--is the first step to presenting the image you're aiming for.\\nHold your head high! Body language speaks much more loudly than words. Keeping your back straight and your chin up causes people to notice your presence and self-assuredness.\\nMake eye contact. Let others know you're paying attention to them. If you shy away from their gaze, you'll seem nervous and inhibited. Confidence is not only sexy, but gains others' trust more quickly.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Smile\", \"描述\": \"Happiness is contagious. If you're the one who's always funny and smiling, others will be naturally drawn to you.\\nNot only will those around you feel the mood lift, but you will too! Your brain takes cues from your muscles; smile and soon you'll feel it's natural, even if it wasn't in the first place.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be healthy.\", \"描述\": \"When you're feeling crappy, everything is harder to do. Being perfect is much easier to manage when you feel and look your best.\\nStick to a healthy, balanced diet. When we treat our bodies, we treat ourselves. Loading up on whole grains, fruits, and vegetables not only prevents weight gain, but it also leads to more energy, lower risk of disease, and a longer life. Stay away from too many processed goods--they often lack nutrients and are high in unhealthy, unnatural sugars.\\nStay active. Exercising has shown to make skin glow and lead to better sleep, in addition to its numerous health benefits. Even taking a walk a few times a week will help to clear your mind, complexion, and leave you feeling more relaxed.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Love yourself.\", \"描述\": \"In order to be truly confident and beautiful, you must love the skin you're in. This may seem difficult, but, luckily, you are the only obstacle in your way from true self-acceptance.\\nWrite down a list of all your good qualities. If that's a struggle, ask others what they think. Go over this list every morning, adding qualities as you notice them.\\nStay positive! If you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, immediately stop. The negative thoughts are completely controllable. If they keep on returning, busy yourself with an activity. If you need to, get it all out in a journal. Bottling an emotion up leads to stress and frustration.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Open your mind.\", \"描述\": \"With a closed mind, we cannot see perfection in all its forms. The world out there is large and you may not have all the information. As you form opinions, put yourself in others' shoes.\\nKeeping open-minded will lead to positivity, empathy, and understanding--attributes all humans are attracted to. You'll be more open-minded about your own flaws, the shortcomings of others, and the less glowing facts about our world. Others will see that you accept them for who they are and they, in turn, will be more likely to accept you.\\nLet things go. Being bogged down by those who have hurt or betrayed you weighs down your spirit. Happiness, positivity, and confidence--keys to being perfect--are not attainable if you're caught up in grudges and revenge. Forgive, forget, and move on. You don't have time for negativity anymore. This new, perfect you is better than that.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Carrying It Out\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Pursue your goals.\", \"描述\": \"Whatever they are, go for them. A person with ambition and motivation is often unstoppable.\\nYour goals can be concrete or abstract. Write them down. Next to them, write how you will do this. It could be something internal, as in \\\"I want to be more confident. In the coming weeks, I will 1) start a conversation with someone new, 2) put myself in front of a group of people, and 3) ask a guy/girl for their phone number.\\\" Or, it could be an external goal: \\\"I want to save an extra $500 a month. This will be attained by limiting myself to eating out once a week, riding my bike to work, and working 15 extra hours a month.\\\"\\nStick to them. When you start seeing them fulfilled, your inner sense of worth and pride will swell. After all, most of the battle of being perfect is believing you're perfect.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Master a skill.\", \"描述\": \"If you're creative, sing, paint, or dance. If you're athletic, get on the field. If you're tech-savvy, build a computer. Doing something well not only makes us interesting and multi-dimensional (and give us more things to talk about), but it leads to new and different opportunities.\\nCorrelate these skills with your goals. If you want to make more money, how can you do that with your skill set? Start a side business? Sell your paintings? If you want to lose weight, how can you cater to that? Cook vegetarian or low-fat dishes? Take your nature-loving side to the hiking trails? Look into yourself for the answers--they'll come the easiest.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Keep on learning.\", \"描述\": \"Your personality is multi-faceted; you're not just a pretty face. Read up on current events and topics that interest you to be an interesting conversationalist.\\nOn top of being dynamic and well-read, you'll be a problem solver and quick to engage. \\\"Uh oh, your potatoes sprouted early, huh? Should've put an apple in there!\\\" \\\"Yes, I read about that! What do you think will be the implications of China's new stance?\\\"\\nDon't forget about the benefits for yourself. You'll be able to make better, more informed decisions and understand the bigger picture. What's more, having a mind for learning opens up job prospects and more paths to financial success.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be kind.\", \"描述\": \"If you're intelligent, confident, and skilled, it doesn't matter unless you put those qualities to good use. Take opportunities to make others' lives easier. Being smart and beautiful is great, but being smart, beautiful, sympathetic, and giving is near perfect.\\nHelp others. When you see someone struggling--be it with too many groceries or a math problem--offer your help. You'll put a smile on their face, which will put a smile on yours.\\nBe polite and respectful. T If someone is different or feels differently than you, take a step back before you judge. You may not fully understand where they're coming from and simply require clarification.\\nHelping others doesn't end when you leave the room. Clean up after yourself and make things easier for your friends and family by being thoughtful. If a family member cooked dinner, volunteer to clean the dishes. If a friend missed class, get her the notes. Take small opportunities to make the world around you brighter.\\nIn addition to being kind to those around you, be kind to the planet! It's the only one we have. Don't litter or use electricity excessively. Ride your bicycle or carpool when you can and used recycled goods if available.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be a good friend.\", \"描述\": \"Be a friend to those who get bullied by others. Being perfect does not have to be a selfish endeavor. In fact, being perfect often means putting others first.\\nConsider others' desires in addition to what you want. What's good for you, may not be good for the whole. Always thinking \\\"me, me, me\\\" will make you a person others don't want to be around and aren't impressed by.\\nKeep your promises. If you say you'll do something, do it. You have loads of obligations, so don't make promises you can't keep. The last thing you want is to be called a liar or a flake.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Stick to your values.\", \"描述\": \"Knowing yourself and what you value will make it easier to make good decisions and become the person you want to become. Don't make excuses for dishonesty or hypocrisy. If you know it's right, it doesn't matter whether or not it's popular.\\nSurround yourself with like-minded people. It's too easy to get caught up in a crowd that forgets about respect, positivity, and growth. Negative influences will stand in your way of becoming your best self.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"If you choose to join a subculture, join one subculture and stay committed to it. Incorporate that subculture's style into your everyday lifestyle.\\n\", \"Perfection is a state of mind. If you work on your perception, things will fall into place. Shakespeare hit the nail on the head when he wrote, \\\"Nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.\\\"\\n\", \"What makes you happy gets you closer to perfection. What makes others happy gets you closer to losing who you are.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Never do anything that makes you uncomfortable or goes against your values in striving for perfection.\\n\", \"\\\"Perfect\\\" does not exist. Striving for something unattainable may make you very unhappy. Think of \\\"perfect\\\" as your best, ideal self. That, however, is attainable.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,548 | How to Be Asexual | 1. Understanding Asexuality
1-1. Don't try to change your sexual orientation:
you are valid as you are, whether you are asexual or not. If you have an ace-spectrum orientation, it is not possible to change yourself into an allosexual (non-asexual) person. Regardless of the pressure societal expectations or internalized aphobia might place on you, don't try to be anything other than what you really are. There is nothing "wrong" or inferior about asexuality, as with any other sexual orientation. Be you, because you are wonderful just the way you are.
1-2. Choose whatever terms or labels fit the most for you.
Human sexuality is incredibly complex, and for some, it is too complex to condense into a single label. It's okay to identify with multiple labels for your sexual orientation, you can choose labels that are seemingly contradictory, or decide not to identify with any specific term: your identity is your own, and nobody but you can tell you how to describe yourself. With that in mind, don't let anyone coerce you into choosing a term that doesn't fit for you, and don't feel compelled to push one on yourself. Do what makes you feel comfortable.
1-3. Differentiate between types of attraction.
For some asexual people, it's very important to understand that there are different types of attraction; others may choose not to distinguish or differentiate. Attraction can be sexual, romantic, alterous, aesthetic, sensual, or platonic, or any combination thereof. By definition, ace people do not feel sexual attraction, or experience it to a lesser degree than allosexual people, but they may feel any of the other types of attraction to varying degrees.
is wanting to have sexual contact or do sexual activities with a person. Ace people typically do not experience this at all, or experience it to a lesser degree than allosexuals.
is feeling romantically attracted to someone. Some describe it as wanting to go on a date or do what they consider romantic things with that person.
is feeling attracted to a person in a way that is a mix of platonic and romantic, or something different.
is finding someone visually appealing to look at.
is wanting to do physical things with people. While these acts are not necessarily romantic or sexual, they can be.
is being attracted to someone in a friend-like way, wanting to become friends with them.
The key of all of these types of attraction is that they can overlap, you do not have to be certain of your orientation in each of them, and that behavior does not dictate orientation.
1-4. Differentiate between sexual needs.
Asexual people often differentiate between a physical need for sexual release, which they think of as a hunger or like having to use the bathroom, and the desire for sexual intercourse with another person. If you feel the need to masturbate (even to porn or other sexual fantasies), for example, but lose interest the moment you think of a specific person, you might be asexual.
1-5. Find resources.
There are lots of resources and an active asexual community on the web. You may also be able to find resources through your school's counselor or through a local clinic. The resources can give you more information and help you figure out your feelings, while simultaneously connecting you with other people.
Don't be afraid to question your identity for a while, or reject labels for your identity altogether. Some people take a while to figure out their sexual orientation, and that is perfectly okay. Even self-describing with the term "questioning" can connect you to a community of people who are unsure of or exploring their orientation.
1-6. Meet people like you.
Meeting other ace-spectrum people, or those who are otherwise LGBTQ+, can help by giving you a great forum to discuss your feelings and see that you are perfectly normal. There are other people like you! Join clubs or internet forums in order to find people with similar experiences. Ace rings which are black rings worn on your right middle finger, are way to find other asexual people.
1-7. Accept changes.
Just because you decide that the asexuality label may apply to you right now, that doesn't mean that it always has to. You may have been sexual in the past and you may be sexual in the future. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty because your desires and needs change over time.
2. Coming Out
2-1. Don't feel pressured.
Coming out is a deeply personal experience. If you're asking when the right time to come out is, the answer is just "when you feel it's right". Don't let anyone convince you when you should or shouldn't come out. If you want to tell people, tell them. If you don't, don't.
2-2. Set aside time.
When coming out to someone, it's a good idea to carefully choose the time and place. Choose some quiet time, when you'll have plenty of time to talk, and when both of you are in a calm, good mood.
2-3. Be straightforward.
Just come right out and say that you're asexual. Avoid unsure or apologetic language, just tell them exactly how you feel because you have no reason to be ashamed. If the situation is particularly sensitive, you might want to text the waters first by seeing what they think or know about asexuality, but otherwise, it's best just to start by saying something like:
"Hey, I want to talk to you about something important to me. Is that okay? Here, let's sit down. I wanted to let you know, because you're very important to me, that I'm asexual."
2-4. Explain asexuality.
Once you've disclosed your own identity, ask if they know about asexuality and offer to explain to them what it is and how it works. You don't need to offer any more personal details about your own experiences than you want to.
Provide resources. Having some extra information available, especially for parents and significant others, is a good idea (since they are more likely to be confused or concerned). You can print some information for them or send them digital resources. Ask them if they want more information before offering these, however. Pushing information on someone who is having trouble accepting your confession may cause greater tension.
2-5. Give the opportunity to ask questions.
Having questions is normal. Since asexuality is not seen as common and some people are not even aware it exists, you should not be offended when people have a hard time understanding it and you. Give them time to learn and let them know, in explicit terms, that they can ask you questions and you will try your best to answer.
2-6. Set desired boundaries.
Tell them what you are and aren't willing to discuss, either before or after your basic explanation. This can help avoid offensive questions. If you don't want to provide details about your feelings, then tell that. If you don't want a lot of questions about your personal sex life, then tell them that.
3. Finding Relationships
3-1. Look for other asexual people.
The easiest way to relationships inclusive of asexuality is to date others in the ace spectrum. You can meet and find people through local support groups, using online dating services specifically for asexual people, or by simply asking your friends to hook you up (if you're lucky).
3-2. Look for open-minded people.
If you can't find other ace people to date, or can't find any that you can connect with on an emotional level, then you may have to date allosexuals if you want to have a relationship. Try to bond with people who you know are open-minded or who care for you very deeply. The two of you may be able to make things work, but it will take compromise on both sides.
3-3. Let relationships develop naturally.
Don't ever try to force a relationship on yourself or someone else. Just because someone you meet is asexual doesn't mean the two of you should get married. Prioritize your feelings over simply being in a relationship.
3-4. Discuss your situation with your partner.
If you decide you want to date someone who is sexual, after a certain period of time has passed you're going to have to explain your situation. Explain as early as you are comfortable with, since dating an asexual can be a huge commitment for a sexual. Neither of you deserves to end up with hurt feelings.
Even if you are both asexual, it's probably a good idea to discuss your ideas about relationships. Different asexual people will have different ideas about what they are and aren't comfortable with and what they do and don't need.
3-5. Lay out some ground rules.
Regardless of who you're dating, it's probably a good idea to set some basic rules and expectations. This will help with awkwardness later. Remember that everyone gets a chance to talk during this conversation and everyone's needs are valid. That is how healthy relationships work.
4. Maintaining Relationships
4-1. Keep constant open communication.
The real key to asexual relationship success (as in any other relationship) is communication. Anytime either of you has a problem or feels a certain way, there should be a safe, supportive environment in which to discuss the problem with each other.
4-2. Find other ways to have fun together.
Asexual relationships generally don't include sex (although that is not absolute), but they do include pretty much everything else that comes with relationships. You can go on dates, marathon the first season of that show you both always wanted to watch, read books together, go to music shows, attend parties...the sky is the limit. Just remember that there are always other things to do than just have sex. Relationships are about much more than that.
4-3. Find release for your partner.
If you are dating a sexual, you need to appreciate the fact that they will have sexual needs that must be met. How those needs get met is up to the two of you, however. You may encourage them to go have sex with other people. You may choose to have sex with them as an act of love, rather than your own desire. You may choose to pleasure them with toys, rather than your body. Talk it out and find something that works for the two of you.
4-4. Do what works for you.
In the end, your entire relationship, no matter who it's with, is going to only be defined by what works for both of you. Don't let other people judge you or tell you what your relationship should look like. In the end, if you and your partner are happy and satisfied, that's all that matters.
4-5. Recognize a bad match.
Even if you really like someone and you'd had a good time dating them, they may still not be a good match for you or you for them. If they have sexual needs that you just can't fulfill, or if they can't respect your needs, then it may be better to end the relationship.
Tips
Asexual people are thought to make up about 1-2% of the population,[3]
X
Research source
so know that you are not alone, and that there are others out there who experience similar sexual orientations.
Tumblr is a great platform for exploring social justice issues in general, and has a large LGBTQ+ community, including asexual bloggers/posters.
Asexuality.org is a great resource for asexual people. It has information about the a/sexual spectrum and forums where people of any orientation can ask questions or discuss a/sexuality.
Warnings
If your feelings are too much for you to deal with alone, seek help.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:50:19",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Understanding Asexuality\\n1-1. Don't try to change your sexual orientation:\\nyou are valid as you are, whether you are asexual or not. If you have an ace-spectrum orientation, it is not possible to change yourself into an allosexual (non-asexual) person. Regardless of the pressure societal expectations or internalized aphobia might place on you, don't try to be anything other than what you really are. There is nothing \\\"wrong\\\" or inferior about asexuality, as with any other sexual orientation. Be you, because you are wonderful just the way you are.\\n1-2. Choose whatever terms or labels fit the most for you.\\nHuman sexuality is incredibly complex, and for some, it is too complex to condense into a single label. It's okay to identify with multiple labels for your sexual orientation, you can choose labels that are seemingly contradictory, or decide not to identify with any specific term: your identity is your own, and nobody but you can tell you how to describe yourself. With that in mind, don't let anyone coerce you into choosing a term that doesn't fit for you, and don't feel compelled to push one on yourself. Do what makes you feel comfortable.\\n1-3. Differentiate between types of attraction.\\nFor some asexual people, it's very important to understand that there are different types of attraction; others may choose not to distinguish or differentiate. Attraction can be sexual, romantic, alterous, aesthetic, sensual, or platonic, or any combination thereof. By definition, ace people do not feel sexual attraction, or experience it to a lesser degree than allosexual people, but they may feel any of the other types of attraction to varying degrees.\\n\\n is wanting to have sexual contact or do sexual activities with a person. Ace people typically do not experience this at all, or experience it to a lesser degree than allosexuals.\\n is feeling romantically attracted to someone. Some describe it as wanting to go on a date or do what they consider romantic things with that person.\\n is feeling attracted to a person in a way that is a mix of platonic and romantic, or something different.\\n is finding someone visually appealing to look at.\\n is wanting to do physical things with people. While these acts are not necessarily romantic or sexual, they can be.\\n is being attracted to someone in a friend-like way, wanting to become friends with them.\\nThe key of all of these types of attraction is that they can overlap, you do not have to be certain of your orientation in each of them, and that behavior does not dictate orientation.\\n1-4. Differentiate between sexual needs.\\nAsexual people often differentiate between a physical need for sexual release, which they think of as a hunger or like having to use the bathroom, and the desire for sexual intercourse with another person. If you feel the need to masturbate (even to porn or other sexual fantasies), for example, but lose interest the moment you think of a specific person, you might be asexual.\\n1-5. Find resources.\\nThere are lots of resources and an active asexual community on the web. You may also be able to find resources through your school's counselor or through a local clinic. The resources can give you more information and help you figure out your feelings, while simultaneously connecting you with other people.\\nDon't be afraid to question your identity for a while, or reject labels for your identity altogether. Some people take a while to figure out their sexual orientation, and that is perfectly okay. Even self-describing with the term \\\"questioning\\\" can connect you to a community of people who are unsure of or exploring their orientation.\\n1-6. Meet people like you.\\nMeeting other ace-spectrum people, or those who are otherwise LGBTQ+, can help by giving you a great forum to discuss your feelings and see that you are perfectly normal. There are other people like you! Join clubs or internet forums in order to find people with similar experiences. Ace rings which are black rings worn on your right middle finger, are way to find other asexual people.\\n1-7. Accept changes.\\nJust because you decide that the asexuality label may apply to you right now, that doesn't mean that it always has to. You may have been sexual in the past and you may be sexual in the future. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty because your desires and needs change over time.\\n2. Coming Out\\n2-1. Don't feel pressured.\\nComing out is a deeply personal experience. If you're asking when the right time to come out is, the answer is just \\\"when you feel it's right\\\". Don't let anyone convince you when you should or shouldn't come out. If you want to tell people, tell them. If you don't, don't.\\n2-2. Set aside time.\\nWhen coming out to someone, it's a good idea to carefully choose the time and place. Choose some quiet time, when you'll have plenty of time to talk, and when both of you are in a calm, good mood.\\n2-3. Be straightforward.\\nJust come right out and say that you're asexual. Avoid unsure or apologetic language, just tell them exactly how you feel because you have no reason to be ashamed. If the situation is particularly sensitive, you might want to text the waters first by seeing what they think or know about asexuality, but otherwise, it's best just to start by saying something like:\\n\\\"Hey, I want to talk to you about something important to me. Is that okay? Here, let's sit down. I wanted to let you know, because you're very important to me, that I'm asexual.\\\"\\n2-4. Explain asexuality.\\nOnce you've disclosed your own identity, ask if they know about asexuality and offer to explain to them what it is and how it works. You don't need to offer any more personal details about your own experiences than you want to.\\nProvide resources. Having some extra information available, especially for parents and significant others, is a good idea (since they are more likely to be confused or concerned). You can print some information for them or send them digital resources. Ask them if they want more information before offering these, however. Pushing information on someone who is having trouble accepting your confession may cause greater tension.\\n2-5. Give the opportunity to ask questions.\\nHaving questions is normal. Since asexuality is not seen as common and some people are not even aware it exists, you should not be offended when people have a hard time understanding it and you. Give them time to learn and let them know, in explicit terms, that they can ask you questions and you will try your best to answer.\\n2-6. Set desired boundaries.\\nTell them what you are and aren't willing to discuss, either before or after your basic explanation. This can help avoid offensive questions. If you don't want to provide details about your feelings, then tell that. If you don't want a lot of questions about your personal sex life, then tell them that.\\n3. Finding Relationships\\n3-1. Look for other asexual people.\\nThe easiest way to relationships inclusive of asexuality is to date others in the ace spectrum. You can meet and find people through local support groups, using online dating services specifically for asexual people, or by simply asking your friends to hook you up (if you're lucky).\\n3-2. Look for open-minded people.\\nIf you can't find other ace people to date, or can't find any that you can connect with on an emotional level, then you may have to date allosexuals if you want to have a relationship. Try to bond with people who you know are open-minded or who care for you very deeply. The two of you may be able to make things work, but it will take compromise on both sides.\\n3-3. Let relationships develop naturally.\\nDon't ever try to force a relationship on yourself or someone else. Just because someone you meet is asexual doesn't mean the two of you should get married. Prioritize your feelings over simply being in a relationship.\\n3-4. Discuss your situation with your partner.\\nIf you decide you want to date someone who is sexual, after a certain period of time has passed you're going to have to explain your situation. Explain as early as you are comfortable with, since dating an asexual can be a huge commitment for a sexual. Neither of you deserves to end up with hurt feelings.\\nEven if you are both asexual, it's probably a good idea to discuss your ideas about relationships. Different asexual people will have different ideas about what they are and aren't comfortable with and what they do and don't need.\\n3-5. Lay out some ground rules.\\nRegardless of who you're dating, it's probably a good idea to set some basic rules and expectations. This will help with awkwardness later. Remember that everyone gets a chance to talk during this conversation and everyone's needs are valid. That is how healthy relationships work.\\n4. Maintaining Relationships\\n4-1. Keep constant open communication.\\nThe real key to asexual relationship success (as in any other relationship) is communication. Anytime either of you has a problem or feels a certain way, there should be a safe, supportive environment in which to discuss the problem with each other.\\n4-2. Find other ways to have fun together.\\nAsexual relationships generally don't include sex (although that is not absolute), but they do include pretty much everything else that comes with relationships. You can go on dates, marathon the first season of that show you both always wanted to watch, read books together, go to music shows, attend parties...the sky is the limit. Just remember that there are always other things to do than just have sex. Relationships are about much more than that.\\n4-3. Find release for your partner.\\nIf you are dating a sexual, you need to appreciate the fact that they will have sexual needs that must be met. How those needs get met is up to the two of you, however. You may encourage them to go have sex with other people. You may choose to have sex with them as an act of love, rather than your own desire. You may choose to pleasure them with toys, rather than your body. Talk it out and find something that works for the two of you.\\n4-4. Do what works for you.\\nIn the end, your entire relationship, no matter who it's with, is going to only be defined by what works for both of you. Don't let other people judge you or tell you what your relationship should look like. In the end, if you and your partner are happy and satisfied, that's all that matters.\\n4-5. Recognize a bad match.\\nEven if you really like someone and you'd had a good time dating them, they may still not be a good match for you or you for them. If they have sexual needs that you just can't fulfill, or if they can't respect your needs, then it may be better to end the relationship.\\nTips\\nAsexual people are thought to make up about 1-2% of the population,[3]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\\n\\n\\n so know that you are not alone, and that there are others out there who experience similar sexual orientations.\\nTumblr is a great platform for exploring social justice issues in general, and has a large LGBTQ+ community, including asexual bloggers/posters.\\nAsexuality.org is a great resource for asexual people. It has information about the a/sexual spectrum and forums where people of any orientation can ask questions or discuss a/sexuality.\\nWarnings\\nIf your feelings are too much for you to deal with alone, seek help.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Asexual people, informally known as \\\"aces\\\", are people who do not experience sexual attraction. This is the most basic definition; asexuality is often recognized as a spectrum between experiencing absolutely no sexual attraction and experiencing it very frequently, and the asexual label encompasses many non-allosexual identities, such as demisexuality and grey-asexuality. If you're discovering your own a/sexuality and could use some advice, and/or if you are the loved one of an asexual person, this article will hopefully provide you with a more nuanced understanding of sexuality and lack thereof.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Understanding Asexuality\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Don't try to change your sexual orientation:\", \"描述\": \"you are valid as you are, whether you are asexual or not. If you have an ace-spectrum orientation, it is not possible to change yourself into an allosexual (non-asexual) person. Regardless of the pressure societal expectations or internalized aphobia might place on you, don't try to be anything other than what you really are. There is nothing \\\"wrong\\\" or inferior about asexuality, as with any other sexual orientation. Be you, because you are wonderful just the way you are.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Choose whatever terms or labels fit the most for you.\", \"描述\": \"Human sexuality is incredibly complex, and for some, it is too complex to condense into a single label. It's okay to identify with multiple labels for your sexual orientation, you can choose labels that are seemingly contradictory, or decide not to identify with any specific term: your identity is your own, and nobody but you can tell you how to describe yourself. With that in mind, don't let anyone coerce you into choosing a term that doesn't fit for you, and don't feel compelled to push one on yourself. Do what makes you feel comfortable.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Differentiate between types of attraction.\", \"描述\": \"For some asexual people, it's very important to understand that there are different types of attraction; others may choose not to distinguish or differentiate. Attraction can be sexual, romantic, alterous, aesthetic, sensual, or platonic, or any combination thereof. By definition, ace people do not feel sexual attraction, or experience it to a lesser degree than allosexual people, but they may feel any of the other types of attraction to varying degrees.\\n\\n is wanting to have sexual contact or do sexual activities with a person. Ace people typically do not experience this at all, or experience it to a lesser degree than allosexuals.\\n is feeling romantically attracted to someone. Some describe it as wanting to go on a date or do what they consider romantic things with that person.\\n is feeling attracted to a person in a way that is a mix of platonic and romantic, or something different.\\n is finding someone visually appealing to look at.\\n is wanting to do physical things with people. While these acts are not necessarily romantic or sexual, they can be.\\n is being attracted to someone in a friend-like way, wanting to become friends with them.\\nThe key of all of these types of attraction is that they can overlap, you do not have to be certain of your orientation in each of them, and that behavior does not dictate orientation.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Differentiate between sexual needs.\", \"描述\": \"Asexual people often differentiate between a physical need for sexual release, which they think of as a hunger or like having to use the bathroom, and the desire for sexual intercourse with another person. If you feel the need to masturbate (even to porn or other sexual fantasies), for example, but lose interest the moment you think of a specific person, you might be asexual.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Find resources.\", \"描述\": \"There are lots of resources and an active asexual community on the web. You may also be able to find resources through your school's counselor or through a local clinic. The resources can give you more information and help you figure out your feelings, while simultaneously connecting you with other people.\\nDon't be afraid to question your identity for a while, or reject labels for your identity altogether. Some people take a while to figure out their sexual orientation, and that is perfectly okay. Even self-describing with the term \\\"questioning\\\" can connect you to a community of people who are unsure of or exploring their orientation.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Meet people like you.\", \"描述\": \"Meeting other ace-spectrum people, or those who are otherwise LGBTQ+, can help by giving you a great forum to discuss your feelings and see that you are perfectly normal. There are other people like you! Join clubs or internet forums in order to find people with similar experiences. Ace rings which are black rings worn on your right middle finger, are way to find other asexual people.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Accept changes.\", \"描述\": \"Just because you decide that the asexuality label may apply to you right now, that doesn't mean that it always has to. You may have been sexual in the past and you may be sexual in the future. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty because your desires and needs change over time.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Coming Out\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Don't feel pressured.\", \"描述\": \"Coming out is a deeply personal experience. If you're asking when the right time to come out is, the answer is just \\\"when you feel it's right\\\". Don't let anyone convince you when you should or shouldn't come out. If you want to tell people, tell them. If you don't, don't.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Set aside time.\", \"描述\": \"When coming out to someone, it's a good idea to carefully choose the time and place. Choose some quiet time, when you'll have plenty of time to talk, and when both of you are in a calm, good mood.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be straightforward.\", \"描述\": \"Just come right out and say that you're asexual. Avoid unsure or apologetic language, just tell them exactly how you feel because you have no reason to be ashamed. If the situation is particularly sensitive, you might want to text the waters first by seeing what they think or know about asexuality, but otherwise, it's best just to start by saying something like:\\n\\\"Hey, I want to talk to you about something important to me. Is that okay? Here, let's sit down. I wanted to let you know, because you're very important to me, that I'm asexual.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Explain asexuality.\", \"描述\": \"Once you've disclosed your own identity, ask if they know about asexuality and offer to explain to them what it is and how it works. You don't need to offer any more personal details about your own experiences than you want to.\\nProvide resources. Having some extra information available, especially for parents and significant others, is a good idea (since they are more likely to be confused or concerned). You can print some information for them or send them digital resources. Ask them if they want more information before offering these, however. Pushing information on someone who is having trouble accepting your confession may cause greater tension.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Give the opportunity to ask questions.\", \"描述\": \"Having questions is normal. Since asexuality is not seen as common and some people are not even aware it exists, you should not be offended when people have a hard time understanding it and you. Give them time to learn and let them know, in explicit terms, that they can ask you questions and you will try your best to answer.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Set desired boundaries.\", \"描述\": \"Tell them what you are and aren't willing to discuss, either before or after your basic explanation. This can help avoid offensive questions. If you don't want to provide details about your feelings, then tell that. If you don't want a lot of questions about your personal sex life, then tell them that.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Finding Relationships\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Look for other asexual people.\", \"描述\": \"The easiest way to relationships inclusive of asexuality is to date others in the ace spectrum. You can meet and find people through local support groups, using online dating services specifically for asexual people, or by simply asking your friends to hook you up (if you're lucky).\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Look for open-minded people.\", \"描述\": \"If you can't find other ace people to date, or can't find any that you can connect with on an emotional level, then you may have to date allosexuals if you want to have a relationship. Try to bond with people who you know are open-minded or who care for you very deeply. The two of you may be able to make things work, but it will take compromise on both sides.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Let relationships develop naturally.\", \"描述\": \"Don't ever try to force a relationship on yourself or someone else. Just because someone you meet is asexual doesn't mean the two of you should get married. Prioritize your feelings over simply being in a relationship.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Discuss your situation with your partner.\", \"描述\": \"If you decide you want to date someone who is sexual, after a certain period of time has passed you're going to have to explain your situation. Explain as early as you are comfortable with, since dating an asexual can be a huge commitment for a sexual. Neither of you deserves to end up with hurt feelings.\\nEven if you are both asexual, it's probably a good idea to discuss your ideas about relationships. Different asexual people will have different ideas about what they are and aren't comfortable with and what they do and don't need.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Lay out some ground rules.\", \"描述\": \"Regardless of who you're dating, it's probably a good idea to set some basic rules and expectations. This will help with awkwardness later. Remember that everyone gets a chance to talk during this conversation and everyone's needs are valid. That is how healthy relationships work.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Maintaining Relationships\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Keep constant open communication.\", \"描述\": \"The real key to asexual relationship success (as in any other relationship) is communication. Anytime either of you has a problem or feels a certain way, there should be a safe, supportive environment in which to discuss the problem with each other.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Find other ways to have fun together.\", \"描述\": \"Asexual relationships generally don't include sex (although that is not absolute), but they do include pretty much everything else that comes with relationships. You can go on dates, marathon the first season of that show you both always wanted to watch, read books together, go to music shows, attend parties...the sky is the limit. Just remember that there are always other things to do than just have sex. Relationships are about much more than that.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Find release for your partner.\", \"描述\": \"If you are dating a sexual, you need to appreciate the fact that they will have sexual needs that must be met. How those needs get met is up to the two of you, however. You may encourage them to go have sex with other people. You may choose to have sex with them as an act of love, rather than your own desire. You may choose to pleasure them with toys, rather than your body. Talk it out and find something that works for the two of you.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Do what works for you.\", \"描述\": \"In the end, your entire relationship, no matter who it's with, is going to only be defined by what works for both of you. Don't let other people judge you or tell you what your relationship should look like. In the end, if you and your partner are happy and satisfied, that's all that matters.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Recognize a bad match.\", \"描述\": \"Even if you really like someone and you'd had a good time dating them, they may still not be a good match for you or you for them. If they have sexual needs that you just can't fulfill, or if they can't respect your needs, then it may be better to end the relationship.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Asexual people are thought to make up about 1-2% of the population,[3]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\\n\\n\\n so know that you are not alone, and that there are others out there who experience similar sexual orientations.\\n\", \"Tumblr is a great platform for exploring social justice issues in general, and has a large LGBTQ+ community, including asexual bloggers/posters.\\n\", \"Asexuality.org is a great resource for asexual people. It has information about the a/sexual spectrum and forums where people of any orientation can ask questions or discuss a/sexuality.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"If your feelings are too much for you to deal with alone, seek help.\\n\"]}]}}",
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3,549 | How to Be Assertive | 1. Understanding the Difference between Assertiveness, Aggression, and Passiveness
1-1. Understand assertive communication.
Assertive communication carries respect for the feelings, needs, wants, and opinions of others. An assertive communicator avoids infringing upon the rights of others, while asserting their own, seeking compromise in the process. Assertive communication utilizes actions and words to express boundaries of needs and wants in a calm fashion, while conveying a message of confidence.
1-2. Learn verbal features of assertive communication.
The verbal cues that indicate assertive communication convey respect, sincerity and firmness. These cues might include:
Firm, relaxed voice
Fluent and sincere
Appropriate volume for situation
Cooperative and constructive
1-3. Learn the non-verbal features of assertive communication.
Just like verbal cues, non-verbal communication conveys assertive behavior and can indicate respect, sincerity and confidence. Non-verbal features might include:
Receptive listening
Direct eye contact
Open body stance
Smiling when pleased
Frowning when angry
1-4. Learn thoughts associated with assertive communication.
An assertive person will naturally gravitate towards certain thought patterns that indicate their confidence and respect for others. These thoughts might include:
“I won’t be taken advantage of, or attack another person.”
“I will stand up for myself in a respectful manner.”
“I will express myself directly and openly.”
1-5. Understand aggressive communication.
Assertiveness can often be incorrectly confused with aggression. Aggressiveness lacks respect for others. It is a complete disregard for the needs, feelings, wants, opinions, and sometimes even the personal safety of other people. Aggressive communication can often be identified by angry and/or demanding behavior, self-promotion, and manipulation.
Verbal features of aggressive communication might include: sarcastic or condescending remarks, blaming, shouting, threats, boasting, or the use of put-downs.
Nonverbal features of aggressive communication might include: intruding upon others’ personal space; fist-clenching, crossed arms, scowling, or staring down another person.
Thoughts associated with aggressive communication might include: “I feel powerful, and will get others to do my bidding," "I am in control of other people," or "I refuse to be vulnerable.”
1-6. Understand passive communication.
Silence and assumption are the hallmarks of the passive communication style. Passive communicators often lack respect for themselves, disregarding their own opinions, feelings, needs, and desires. Passive communication places one’s own needs and desires below those of others. Passivity takes away one’s power and allows others to decide the outcomes of situations:
Verbal features of passive communication might include: hesitancy, quiet, self-dismissal, or self put-downs.
Non-verbal features of passive communication might include: averting the gaze or looking down, slouched posture, crossed arms, or covering the mouth with hand.
Thoughts associated with passive communication might include: “I don’t count," or “People will think poorly of me.”
Note that being passive is not the same thing as being passive-aggressive, which is characterized by agreeing in the moment and then being resentful or retaliatory later.
1-7. Think about your influences.
From early childhood, our behaviors are adapted to fit responses received from our environment, families, peers, coworkers, and authority figures. Communication styles, such as passiveness, assertiveness, and aggression, can be extensions of cultural, generational, and situational influences. Assertiveness is much more valued in Western societies.
Older generations may find it more difficult to act assertively. Men were once taught that emotional expression was a sign of weakness, while women were taught that stating their own needs and opinions conveyed messages of aggression. Sometimes, it can even be difficult for us to discern which behaviors are appropriate to use in different situations.
1-8. Do not blame yourself for your communication style.
It is important not to blame yourself if you do not understand how to communicate assertively. Other types of communication styles, such as passiveness and aggression, can be parts of a vicious cycle. You can break this cycle by learning new assertive ways of thinking and behaving.
If your family taught you to place the needs of others before yourself as a child, it may be difficult for you to assert yourself.
If your family or peer group handled conflict by yelling and arguing, you may have learned to deal with conflict accordingly.
If your social group believed that negative emotions should be concealed, or if your have ever been ignored or ridiculed for expressing these types of feelings, then you may have learned not to communicate negative emotions.
2. Gaining Insight into Your Emotions
2-1. Start writing in a journal.
In order to learn how to communicate assertively, it is important that you learn how to effectively manage your emotions. For some, just gaining insight into their own emotional processes can be enough to help them change the way they communicate with others and enable them to express their emotions in a more assertive manner. Keeping a journal can be the best to get to the bottom of your behavior, by recording situations and asking specific questions that relate to assertiveness.
2-2. Identify situations as if you were filming a scene.
Write down situations that trigger your emotions. Stick to facts and try not to make any interpretations in this first step. For example, you may simply write, “I asked my friend to go out to eat, and she said ‘no’.”
2-3. Identify the emotions you were feeling in the situation.
Be honest about how you felt. Specify what emotions you were aware of at the time, and rate the intensity of each emotion on a scale from 0 to 100 (not intense at all to extremely intense). Just give an estimate but be honest with yourself.
2-4. Identify your behavior in reaction to the situation.
Note any physical symptoms you may have felt at the time. Ask yourself, “What did I do?” and “What did I feel in my body?”
For example, if someone ignored your phone call, maybe you felt sick to your stomach or tension in your shoulders.
2-5. Identify thoughts that you had while in the situation.
These thoughts may be assumptions, interpretations, beliefs, values, and so forth. Ask yourself, “What was I thinking?” or “What was going through my head?” For instance, you may write down: “I agreed to go out to eat when she asked me, so she should have said yes when I asked her,” or “Saying no was rude of her,” or “Maybe she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore.”
2-6. Rate the strength of each thought.
Again using the 0 to 100 scale, rate the strength of your thoughts in the situation. Record a “0” if you didn’t believe the thought, or a “100” if you believed it 100%. Then ask yourself, “Am I thinking in a passive, assertive, or aggressive manner?” Record your response to this question. Record any evidence for, or against, each thought. Evaluate whether there may be other ways to interpret the situation.
2-7. Determine a more assertive response to this situation.
In order to find a more balanced and assertive manner of thinking and behaving, ask yourself, “What would be a more assertive way of thinking or responding?”
2-8. Re-rate your original emotions.
After you have evaluated the situation, revisit the intensity of your original emotions and the strength of your beliefs in the situation. Rate them again from 0 to 100.
2-9. Try to journal regularly.
Through the journaling exercise, you are likely to decrease the intensity of your emotions. Evaluate your emotions, thoughts, and reactions during different types of situations. If you continue to practice, you may begin to think and behave in a more assertive manner.
3. Learning to Communicate Effectively
3-1. Understand the benefits of assertive communication.
Assertiveness is a learned style of communication that allows for the confident expression of one’s needs and feelings while, at the same time, remaining mindful of the opinions, wants, needs, and feelings of others. It is an alternative to behaving in a passive or aggressive manner. There are many benefits to learning how to communicating assertively:
Strong and effective communication
Confidence
Self-esteem enhancement
Gain respect of others
Improves decision-making skills
Reduces stress of not having needs met
Enables conflict resolution
Self-respect increases
Feelings of being ignored or coerced replaced by feelings of being understood and in control of decisions
Tendency to be less depressed
Decreased likelihood of substance abuse
3-2. Say “no” when appropriate.
Saying no can be difficult for many people. However, saying “yes” when you need to say “no” can lead to unnecessary stress, resentment, and anger toward others. When saying no, it can be helpful to keep in mind a useful set of guidelines:
Keep it brief.
Be clear.
Be honest.
For example, if you don't have time to do a favor that you don't have time to do, you can simply say, "I can't this time. Sorry to disappoint you, but I have too many things to do that day, and there's no room in my schedule."
3-3. Stay calm and respect others.
When you are speaking with someone, remain calm and have respect for them. This will enable the other person to heed what you say and treat you with respect too.
It may help to breathe deeply if you start to feel upset. Doing so will initiate your body's calming process and help you stay in control.
3-4. Use simple sentences.
Communication may seem like a simple task, however, much of what we attempt to communicate to others – and what is communicated to us – can often be misunderstood. This may cause frustration or conflict in our relationships with other people. When communicating with someone, state your feelings, wants, opinions, and needs in simple sentences. This will help the other person clearly understand what you’re asking.
For example, instead of speaking to a family member in long sentences full of hints and indirect statements, you can be brief and direct: "I love when you call me just to talk! It's hard for me to have a long conversation during work hours, though. I'd appreciate it if you called during the evening instead."
3-5. Utilize “I” statements when you are asserting yourself.
“I” statements convey that you are willing to take responsibility for your own thoughts and behaviors. There are different types of “I” statements that are appropriate for a variety of situations:
: This type of “I” statement can be used in everyday situations to make your needs known, or to give praise, information, or facts. Basic assertions can also be utilized in self-disclosure situations to ease anxiety and enable relaxation. It includes: “I need to leave by 6 o’clock,” or “I enjoyed your presentation.”
: This particular “I” statement contains elements of recognition of another person’s feelings, needs, or desires, as well as a statement of your own needs and desires. It can be used to indicate your sensitivity to another person’s position, such as, “I know you are busy, but I need your assistance.”
: This is the strongest form of “I” statement, often used as a last resort assertion. It can be misinterpreted as aggressive if you are not careful to observe your non-verbal behavior. The consequence assertion informs another person of the penalties for not changing their behavior; usually in situations when someone is not considering the rights of others. An example would be a work situation when procedures or guidelines are not being followed: “If this happens again, I am left with no choice but to pursue disciplinary action. I would prefer to avoid that.”
: This type of “I” statement is used to point out a discrepancy between what has been previously agreed upon, and what is actually happening. It is used for clarifying misunderstandings and/or contradictions in behavior. You might say, “As I understand, we agreed that Project ABC was our number one priority. Now you are asking me to allow more time for Project XYZ. I would like you to clarify which is now the top priority.”
: This form of “I” statement is utilized in situations where you feel negative feelings toward another person (anger, resentment, hurt). It enables you to convey these feelings without making an uncontrolled outburst, and alerts the other party of the effects of their actions. You might say, “When you procrastinate on your report, it involves my working over the weekend. I feel annoyed by this, so in the future I would like to receive it by Thursday afternoon.”
3-6. Use appropriate body language.
Always remember when being assertive, your non-verbal communication is important. It is possible to think you are acting assertively when you are actually being passive or aggressive because you are not careful about your non-verbal communication style.
Keep your voice calm and volume neutral
Maintain good eye contact
Relax your face and body position
3-7. Take time to practice assertive communication.
Adopting assertive behavior takes time and practice so that it can become second nature to you. Practice having conversations in the mirror. Alternately, practice your conversation with your therapist or counselor.
4. Learning to Manage Stress
4-1. Acknowledge stress in your life.
It can be challenging to keep your emotions under control, which can affect the way we communicate. When we get stressed or upset, our bodies go into stress mode, which puts our bodies into a chemical and hormonal reaction to get ready for a perceived threat. The way you think in this state is different than the way you would think with a calm, clear, rational mind and body, making it more difficult for you to use your assertiveness techniques.
Acknowledge when you have stress in your life. Make a list of the things that are contributing to your stressful state.
4-2. Try meditation.
Relaxation techniques bring our bodies back to a balanced physiological state. For example, meditation has a calming effect on the brain that lasts well after your meditation session. This has a direct effect on the amygdala, the center in the brain responsible for emotional reasoning. Try to meditate every day for at least 5-10 minutes.
Sit in a comfortable chair or on a pillow.
Close your eyes and focus on sensations that you’re having. Pay attention to what you feel with your body, what you hear, and what you smell.
Turn your attention to your breathing. Inhale for a count of four, hold your breath for a count of four, and exhale for a count of four.
Whenever your mind wanders, dismiss the thoughts without judgment and refocus your thinking on your breath.
You might add a mantra or metta, or a saying that uplifts you and gives you positive feelings, such as, “May I be peaceful,” or “May I be happy.”
You might also try a guided meditation, which helps you visualize relaxing imagery.
4-3. Practice deep breathing.
When you are in a stressful situation, deep breathing can help reduce stress and help you think clearly. Take some deep breaths by slowly and deliberately inhaling and exhaling.
Sit comfortably in a chair with your arms and legs uncrossed, feet flat on the floor, and hands resting on your thighs. Gently close your eyes.
Breathe in through your nose, observing the quality of the breath while inhaling and exhaling.
Slowly lengthen each inhalation by smoothly deepening each breath down into your abdomen. Pause briefly, then note the smooth, steady breath released as you exhale.
Begin counting the rhythm of your breaths. Inhale for 3 seconds. Exhale for 3 seconds. Maintain slow, even, and controlled breathing. Try not to speed up.
Use this rhythm while breathing for 10-15 minutes
When finished, gently open your eyes. Relax momentarily. Then, slowly rise from the chair.
4-4. Try progressive muscle relaxation.
If you’re nervous about meditation or feel you don’t have the time to practice it faithfully, the relaxation response can still be activated through progressive muscle relaxation. This technique activates the body’s calming response and brings the body back into physiological balance by tensing and relaxing each muscle group in the body in progression. To practice progressive muscle relaxation in about 15-20 minutes per day:
Find a comfortable position in a chair with your feet flat on the floor, your hands resting on your thighs, and your eyes closed.
Start the exercise by clenching your fists, holding for 10 seconds. Then release, feeling the relaxation sensation for another 10 seconds. Repeat.
Tense your lower arm by bending your hand downward at the wrist, hold for 10 seconds. Release, and relax for another 10 seconds. Repeat.
Work through the rest of your body, pausing to tense and relax each muscle group. Start with your upper arms, shoulders, neck, head, and face. Then continue with your chest, stomach, back, buttocks, thighs, calves and feet.
When you’ve worked through your entire body, sit for a few minutes to enjoy the sensation of feeling relaxed.
Stand slowly to avoid dizziness (blood pressure drops when relaxed) or tensing up again unexpectedly.
If you don’t have 15-20 minutes to complete the entire exercise, you can practice on muscle groups that are noticeably tense.
5. Making Decisions Effectively
5-1. Use the IDEAL model of decision-making.
Making decisions is part of being assertive. You are taking control of your life and making decisions that best suit you, rather than letting someone else make decisions for you or allow yourself to become swayed by someone else against your better judgment. By identifying the problem, you will be able to address critical elements that result in good decision-making. Niagara Region Public Health recommends using the IDEAL model:
I – Identify the problem.
D – Describe all possible solutions. These might include handling it yourself, asking for intervention from someone else, or doing nothing.
E - Evaluate the consequences of each solution. Evaluate your feelings and needs to determine the best outcome for yourself.
A - Act. Choose a solution and try it. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs.
L - Learn. Did the solution work? Evaluate why or why not. If it didn’t work, look at the other solutions on your list and work through them.
5-2. Consider who needs to be involved.
There may be multiple parties who will be impacted by a decision, but not all of them necessarily have to be involved with the decision-making. Get input from those who need to be involved.
You should consider the other parties as you make your decision, but the final say will come from you.
5-3. Understand the purpose of your decision.
All decisions are prompted by the need for some course of action. Take time to determine the purpose behind this course of action. This will ensure that the decision is the correct one.
5-4. Make a timely decision.
Procrastination can be a major impediment to assertive decision-making. Don’t leave the decision to the last minute or you may eliminate some of the possible solutions.
6. Setting Healthy Boundaries
6-1. Protect your physical and emotional space.
Boundaries are the physical, emotional, and intellectual barriers that you create to protect yourself from harm. Healthy boundaries protect your personal space, self-esteem, and maintain your ability to separate your own feelings from those of others. Unhealthy boundaries increase your likelihood of exposure to being adversely affected by others feelings, beliefs, and behaviors.
6-2. Plan out your boundaries.
When you go into a conversation where you want to discuss your needs, it’s important to know your boundaries beforehand. Having your boundaries at the forefront of your mind before a conversation will keep you from getting derailed and compromising your needs in the middle of a conversation because it's easier or helps you avoid conflict.
For example, establish a boundary with your boss of not working on the weekends or not working overtime without three days’ notice. If you're talking to a friend, have a boundary of not picking her up at the airport again until she picks you up when you need a ride.
6-3. Learn to say no.
If you do not feel right doing something, then don't do it. It's okay to reject someone. Remember, for yourself, the most important person is . If you don't respect your own desires, how can you expect others to?
You may think that being a people-pleaser will put you on people’s good side, but unfortunately, an overabundance of generosity usually has the opposite effect on people.
People only value the things they invest time/energy/money into, so if you’re the one doing all the giving, your esteem for that person will skyrocket, but theirs for you will decline. Take a stand. People may resist at first – or even be shocked by your transformation – but in the end, they will respect you for it.
6-4. State your own opinions in a respectful manner.
Don't be silent if you have something to say. Share your feelings freely: it's your right. Remember, there's nothing wrong in having an opinion. Just make sure you pick the right moment to state your needs. Make it clear that what you have to say is important and should be noticed.
Practice in low-stakes situations. Do all your friends love that new TV show everyone’s talking about? Don’t be afraid to admit that you weren’t all that impressed. Has someone misinterpreted what you said? Don’t nod and play along; explain what you really meant, even if the miscommunication was harmless.
6-5. Identify what your needs are.
Identify what makes you happy and what your needs are. This will help you develop a set of expectations for other people to follow in how you would like to be treated. Think of situations where you don’t feel like you’re being treated with mutual respect or situations where you felt like your feelings were not being considered. Then consider what could happen to make you feel more respected.
6-6. Be honest with yourself about what you want.
Acting confidently won’t do you any good if you can never make up your mind or are trying too hard to “go with the flow.” People will be accommodating to your needs if you can tell them clearly what those needs are.
Off-loading decision-making onto everyone else is a passive-aggressive way of shirking your responsibility – and placing the consequences squarely on someone else’s shoulders. The next time your friends ask you where you want to go to dinner, don’t respond with, “Oh, wherever”; give them a concrete answer.
6-7. Come up with solutions that make both parties happy.
A good approach is to adopt a “we” mentality and come up with solutions that will make both parties happy, if the situation allows. This way, everyone’s feelings are being considered and heard.
For instance, if you drive your roommate to work every day, yet she doesn’t pay for gas, approach her about this issue. You can say, “I don’t mind giving you rides every so often. Owning a car is really expensive, though, and I am saving you money and time if you were to take the bus to work every day. Would you mind chipping in for gas every week? I’d really appreciate it.” In this way, you are acknowledging that she might not realize that you feel a certain way. Now she is aware of the problem without you using an accusing tone.
7. Projecting Confidence
7-1. Evaluate your level of self-confidence.
Self-confidence is reflected by your ability to understand how you see yourself. This includes your self-perception and where you believe you fit in the social hierarchy. If you see yourself in a negative light, you might experience great difficulty asserting your own thoughts, beliefs, needs, and feelings. Furthermore, you may feel intimidated or reluctant to ask questions when you need clarification, focus too heavily on your own negative traits, and lack trust in yourself. Self-doubt prevents assertive communication. Assess your self-confidence through self-evaluation by asking yourself these questions:
Can you maintain eye contact when communicating with others?
Do you project your voice properly?
Do you speak confidently (without using the phrases “uh” or “um” frequently)?
Is your physical posture or stance erect and open?
Do you have the ability to ask questions when clarification is needed?
Are you comfortable around other people?
Are you able to say no when appropriate?
Are you able to express anger and annoyance appropriately?
Do you offer your opinion when in disagreement with others?
Do you defend yourself against mistakes that are not your fault?
If you answered no to 3 or fewer of these questions, you are likely a self-assured individual. If you answered no to 4-6 of these questions, there is a significant chance that you see yourself negatively. If you answered no more to than 7 questions, you are likely to experience tremendous difficulty with self-confidence. You may often doubt your worthiness of respect or see yourself lower in the social hierarchy.
7-2. Have confident body language.
The way you hold yourself speaks volumes about you – long before you even get a chance to open your mouth. Keep your shoulders squared and your chin up. Avoid fidgeting (put your hands in your pockets if you must) or covering your mouth when you speak. Look people in the eye when you speak to indicate that you don't intend to be brushed off.
Try not to be easy to read, especially if you are nervous or uncertain. Hide your “tells” by controlling your hands, feet, and facial expressions so that they don’t betray your emotions.
If making eye contact is a problem, practice with sunglasses and then work up to doing it barefaced. If you must avert your gaze, look off into the distance as if in thought, not down.
Even if you are nervous or confused, you can still act confident. There's no shame in asking questions.
7-3. Speak clearly and deliberately.
Rushing when you talk is an admission that you don’t expect people to take the time to listen. Speaking slowly, on the other hand, will indicate to people that you’re worth the wait. Use a clear, calm voice. You don't need to be loud, but you do need to make yourself heard.
If people aren't noticing you, say "Excuse me" clearly and firmly. Don’t be apologetic when you haven’t done anything wrong, as this can communicate to people that you feel slightly embarrassed just for existing.
Try to be concise when you speak. Even the most confident person in the world will lose their audience if they don’t make their point soon enough.
Avoid saying um or like as much as you can when you're trying to make a strong statement. Make a conscious effort to get these words out of your vocabulary.
7-4. Work on your appearance.
Shallow though it may be, people make snap judgments based on your appearance. People who are naturally confident and charismatic can change others’ minds, but the rest of us aren’t so lucky. If you're wearing clothes that look like you've just got out of bed, or if you wear a pound of make-up with fluffy high-heels, the average person won't take you seriously. On the other hand, if you look like you're ready to get things done, people will tend to be more respectful.
Dressing well doesn’t necessarily mean dressing up. If you’re the naturally casual sort, focus on having clean, matching, unwrinkled clothes with no embarrassing slogans or inappropriate images.
Making an effort to be serious about your appearance will make it look like you're more serious about your demands.
7-5. Rehearse what you're going to say.
This may sound silly, but if you want to project confidence, then you should sound firm and decisive when the moment comes. What better way to get there than to practice? You can practice in front of the mirror, into a recording, or even with a trusted friend, pretending he or she is your boss, significant other, or whomever you plan to speak with.
When the moment comes, remember how confident you sounded when you were just rehearsing, and work to sound even more confident when it counts.
8. Seeking Additional Help
8-1. Visit a counselor or psychologist.
If you feel you still need help becoming assertive, it can help to see a professional. Counselors and psychologists have education and training specifically in helping people communicate in healthy and meaningful ways.
8-2. Try assertiveness training.
Many universities offer assertiveness training to the students. This will help you practice assertiveness techniques while helping you discuss different situations where you feel you need help in being assertive, as well as help in controlling your stress as you navigate different situations.
8-3. Practice with a trusted friend.
Asserting yourself takes practice and time. Ask a friend to help you practice your communication skills in various scenarios. The more you face situations that demand assertiveness, even when they are mock situations, the more confident you will become.
Warnings
In confrontations, emotions can run high. Remember to be respectful and keep a cool head.
Not insertive, assertive.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:50:20",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Understanding the Difference between Assertiveness, Aggression, and Passiveness\\n1-1. Understand assertive communication.\\nAssertive communication carries respect for the feelings, needs, wants, and opinions of others. An assertive communicator avoids infringing upon the rights of others, while asserting their own, seeking compromise in the process. Assertive communication utilizes actions and words to express boundaries of needs and wants in a calm fashion, while conveying a message of confidence.\\n1-2. Learn verbal features of assertive communication.\\nThe verbal cues that indicate assertive communication convey respect, sincerity and firmness. These cues might include:\\nFirm, relaxed voice\\nFluent and sincere\\nAppropriate volume for situation\\nCooperative and constructive\\n1-3. Learn the non-verbal features of assertive communication.\\nJust like verbal cues, non-verbal communication conveys assertive behavior and can indicate respect, sincerity and confidence. Non-verbal features might include:\\nReceptive listening\\nDirect eye contact\\nOpen body stance\\nSmiling when pleased\\nFrowning when angry\\n1-4. Learn thoughts associated with assertive communication.\\nAn assertive person will naturally gravitate towards certain thought patterns that indicate their confidence and respect for others. These thoughts might include: \\n“I won’t be taken advantage of, or attack another person.”\\n“I will stand up for myself in a respectful manner.”\\n“I will express myself directly and openly.”\\n1-5. Understand aggressive communication.\\nAssertiveness can often be incorrectly confused with aggression. Aggressiveness lacks respect for others. It is a complete disregard for the needs, feelings, wants, opinions, and sometimes even the personal safety of other people. Aggressive communication can often be identified by angry and/or demanding behavior, self-promotion, and manipulation.\\nVerbal features of aggressive communication might include: sarcastic or condescending remarks, blaming, shouting, threats, boasting, or the use of put-downs.\\nNonverbal features of aggressive communication might include: intruding upon others’ personal space; fist-clenching, crossed arms, scowling, or staring down another person.\\nThoughts associated with aggressive communication might include: “I feel powerful, and will get others to do my bidding,\\\" \\\"I am in control of other people,\\\" or \\\"I refuse to be vulnerable.”\\n1-6. Understand passive communication.\\nSilence and assumption are the hallmarks of the passive communication style. Passive communicators often lack respect for themselves, disregarding their own opinions, feelings, needs, and desires. Passive communication places one’s own needs and desires below those of others. Passivity takes away one’s power and allows others to decide the outcomes of situations:\\nVerbal features of passive communication might include: hesitancy, quiet, self-dismissal, or self put-downs.\\nNon-verbal features of passive communication might include: averting the gaze or looking down, slouched posture, crossed arms, or covering the mouth with hand.\\nThoughts associated with passive communication might include: “I don’t count,\\\" or “People will think poorly of me.”\\nNote that being passive is not the same thing as being passive-aggressive, which is characterized by agreeing in the moment and then being resentful or retaliatory later.\\n1-7. Think about your influences.\\nFrom early childhood, our behaviors are adapted to fit responses received from our environment, families, peers, coworkers, and authority figures. Communication styles, such as passiveness, assertiveness, and aggression, can be extensions of cultural, generational, and situational influences. Assertiveness is much more valued in Western societies.\\nOlder generations may find it more difficult to act assertively. Men were once taught that emotional expression was a sign of weakness, while women were taught that stating their own needs and opinions conveyed messages of aggression. Sometimes, it can even be difficult for us to discern which behaviors are appropriate to use in different situations.\\n1-8. Do not blame yourself for your communication style.\\nIt is important not to blame yourself if you do not understand how to communicate assertively. Other types of communication styles, such as passiveness and aggression, can be parts of a vicious cycle. You can break this cycle by learning new assertive ways of thinking and behaving. \\nIf your family taught you to place the needs of others before yourself as a child, it may be difficult for you to assert yourself.\\nIf your family or peer group handled conflict by yelling and arguing, you may have learned to deal with conflict accordingly.\\nIf your social group believed that negative emotions should be concealed, or if your have ever been ignored or ridiculed for expressing these types of feelings, then you may have learned not to communicate negative emotions.\\n2. Gaining Insight into Your Emotions\\n2-1. Start writing in a journal.\\nIn order to learn how to communicate assertively, it is important that you learn how to effectively manage your emotions. For some, just gaining insight into their own emotional processes can be enough to help them change the way they communicate with others and enable them to express their emotions in a more assertive manner. Keeping a journal can be the best to get to the bottom of your behavior, by recording situations and asking specific questions that relate to assertiveness.\\n2-2. Identify situations as if you were filming a scene.\\nWrite down situations that trigger your emotions. Stick to facts and try not to make any interpretations in this first step. For example, you may simply write, “I asked my friend to go out to eat, and she said ‘no’.”\\n2-3. Identify the emotions you were feeling in the situation.\\nBe honest about how you felt. Specify what emotions you were aware of at the time, and rate the intensity of each emotion on a scale from 0 to 100 (not intense at all to extremely intense). Just give an estimate but be honest with yourself.\\n2-4. Identify your behavior in reaction to the situation.\\nNote any physical symptoms you may have felt at the time. Ask yourself, “What did I do?” and “What did I feel in my body?”\\nFor example, if someone ignored your phone call, maybe you felt sick to your stomach or tension in your shoulders.\\n2-5. Identify thoughts that you had while in the situation.\\nThese thoughts may be assumptions, interpretations, beliefs, values, and so forth. Ask yourself, “What was I thinking?” or “What was going through my head?” For instance, you may write down: “I agreed to go out to eat when she asked me, so she should have said yes when I asked her,” or “Saying no was rude of her,” or “Maybe she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore.”\\n2-6. Rate the strength of each thought.\\nAgain using the 0 to 100 scale, rate the strength of your thoughts in the situation. Record a “0” if you didn’t believe the thought, or a “100” if you believed it 100%. Then ask yourself, “Am I thinking in a passive, assertive, or aggressive manner?” Record your response to this question. Record any evidence for, or against, each thought. Evaluate whether there may be other ways to interpret the situation.\\n2-7. Determine a more assertive response to this situation.\\nIn order to find a more balanced and assertive manner of thinking and behaving, ask yourself, “What would be a more assertive way of thinking or responding?”\\n2-8. Re-rate your original emotions.\\nAfter you have evaluated the situation, revisit the intensity of your original emotions and the strength of your beliefs in the situation. Rate them again from 0 to 100.\\n2-9. Try to journal regularly.\\nThrough the journaling exercise, you are likely to decrease the intensity of your emotions. Evaluate your emotions, thoughts, and reactions during different types of situations. If you continue to practice, you may begin to think and behave in a more assertive manner.\\n3. Learning to Communicate Effectively\\n3-1. Understand the benefits of assertive communication.\\nAssertiveness is a learned style of communication that allows for the confident expression of one’s needs and feelings while, at the same time, remaining mindful of the opinions, wants, needs, and feelings of others. It is an alternative to behaving in a passive or aggressive manner. There are many benefits to learning how to communicating assertively:\\nStrong and effective communication\\nConfidence\\nSelf-esteem enhancement\\nGain respect of others\\nImproves decision-making skills\\nReduces stress of not having needs met\\nEnables conflict resolution\\nSelf-respect increases\\nFeelings of being ignored or coerced replaced by feelings of being understood and in control of decisions\\nTendency to be less depressed\\nDecreased likelihood of substance abuse\\n3-2. Say “no” when appropriate.\\nSaying no can be difficult for many people. However, saying “yes” when you need to say “no” can lead to unnecessary stress, resentment, and anger toward others. When saying no, it can be helpful to keep in mind a useful set of guidelines:\\nKeep it brief.\\nBe clear.\\nBe honest.\\nFor example, if you don't have time to do a favor that you don't have time to do, you can simply say, \\\"I can't this time. Sorry to disappoint you, but I have too many things to do that day, and there's no room in my schedule.\\\"\\n3-3. Stay calm and respect others.\\nWhen you are speaking with someone, remain calm and have respect for them. This will enable the other person to heed what you say and treat you with respect too.\\nIt may help to breathe deeply if you start to feel upset. Doing so will initiate your body's calming process and help you stay in control.\\n3-4. Use simple sentences.\\nCommunication may seem like a simple task, however, much of what we attempt to communicate to others – and what is communicated to us – can often be misunderstood. This may cause frustration or conflict in our relationships with other people. When communicating with someone, state your feelings, wants, opinions, and needs in simple sentences. This will help the other person clearly understand what you’re asking.\\nFor example, instead of speaking to a family member in long sentences full of hints and indirect statements, you can be brief and direct: \\\"I love when you call me just to talk! It's hard for me to have a long conversation during work hours, though. I'd appreciate it if you called during the evening instead.\\\"\\n3-5. Utilize “I” statements when you are asserting yourself.\\n“I” statements convey that you are willing to take responsibility for your own thoughts and behaviors. There are different types of “I” statements that are appropriate for a variety of situations: \\n\\n: This type of “I” statement can be used in everyday situations to make your needs known, or to give praise, information, or facts. Basic assertions can also be utilized in self-disclosure situations to ease anxiety and enable relaxation. It includes: “I need to leave by 6 o’clock,” or “I enjoyed your presentation.”\\n: This particular “I” statement contains elements of recognition of another person’s feelings, needs, or desires, as well as a statement of your own needs and desires. It can be used to indicate your sensitivity to another person’s position, such as, “I know you are busy, but I need your assistance.”\\n: This is the strongest form of “I” statement, often used as a last resort assertion. It can be misinterpreted as aggressive if you are not careful to observe your non-verbal behavior. The consequence assertion informs another person of the penalties for not changing their behavior; usually in situations when someone is not considering the rights of others. An example would be a work situation when procedures or guidelines are not being followed: “If this happens again, I am left with no choice but to pursue disciplinary action. I would prefer to avoid that.”\\n: This type of “I” statement is used to point out a discrepancy between what has been previously agreed upon, and what is actually happening. It is used for clarifying misunderstandings and/or contradictions in behavior. You might say, “As I understand, we agreed that Project ABC was our number one priority. Now you are asking me to allow more time for Project XYZ. I would like you to clarify which is now the top priority.”\\n: This form of “I” statement is utilized in situations where you feel negative feelings toward another person (anger, resentment, hurt). It enables you to convey these feelings without making an uncontrolled outburst, and alerts the other party of the effects of their actions. You might say, “When you procrastinate on your report, it involves my working over the weekend. I feel annoyed by this, so in the future I would like to receive it by Thursday afternoon.”\\n3-6. Use appropriate body language.\\nAlways remember when being assertive, your non-verbal communication is important. It is possible to think you are acting assertively when you are actually being passive or aggressive because you are not careful about your non-verbal communication style.\\nKeep your voice calm and volume neutral\\nMaintain good eye contact\\nRelax your face and body position\\n3-7. Take time to practice assertive communication.\\nAdopting assertive behavior takes time and practice so that it can become second nature to you. Practice having conversations in the mirror. Alternately, practice your conversation with your therapist or counselor.\\n4. Learning to Manage Stress\\n4-1. Acknowledge stress in your life.\\nIt can be challenging to keep your emotions under control, which can affect the way we communicate. When we get stressed or upset, our bodies go into stress mode, which puts our bodies into a chemical and hormonal reaction to get ready for a perceived threat. The way you think in this state is different than the way you would think with a calm, clear, rational mind and body, making it more difficult for you to use your assertiveness techniques. \\nAcknowledge when you have stress in your life. Make a list of the things that are contributing to your stressful state.\\n4-2. Try meditation.\\nRelaxation techniques bring our bodies back to a balanced physiological state. For example, meditation has a calming effect on the brain that lasts well after your meditation session. This has a direct effect on the amygdala, the center in the brain responsible for emotional reasoning. Try to meditate every day for at least 5-10 minutes.\\nSit in a comfortable chair or on a pillow.\\nClose your eyes and focus on sensations that you’re having. Pay attention to what you feel with your body, what you hear, and what you smell.\\nTurn your attention to your breathing. Inhale for a count of four, hold your breath for a count of four, and exhale for a count of four.\\nWhenever your mind wanders, dismiss the thoughts without judgment and refocus your thinking on your breath.\\nYou might add a mantra or metta, or a saying that uplifts you and gives you positive feelings, such as, “May I be peaceful,” or “May I be happy.”\\nYou might also try a guided meditation, which helps you visualize relaxing imagery.\\n4-3. Practice deep breathing.\\nWhen you are in a stressful situation, deep breathing can help reduce stress and help you think clearly. Take some deep breaths by slowly and deliberately inhaling and exhaling.\\nSit comfortably in a chair with your arms and legs uncrossed, feet flat on the floor, and hands resting on your thighs. Gently close your eyes.\\nBreathe in through your nose, observing the quality of the breath while inhaling and exhaling.\\nSlowly lengthen each inhalation by smoothly deepening each breath down into your abdomen. Pause briefly, then note the smooth, steady breath released as you exhale.\\nBegin counting the rhythm of your breaths. Inhale for 3 seconds. Exhale for 3 seconds. Maintain slow, even, and controlled breathing. Try not to speed up.\\nUse this rhythm while breathing for 10-15 minutes\\nWhen finished, gently open your eyes. Relax momentarily. Then, slowly rise from the chair.\\n4-4. Try progressive muscle relaxation.\\nIf you’re nervous about meditation or feel you don’t have the time to practice it faithfully, the relaxation response can still be activated through progressive muscle relaxation. This technique activates the body’s calming response and brings the body back into physiological balance by tensing and relaxing each muscle group in the body in progression. To practice progressive muscle relaxation in about 15-20 minutes per day:\\nFind a comfortable position in a chair with your feet flat on the floor, your hands resting on your thighs, and your eyes closed.\\nStart the exercise by clenching your fists, holding for 10 seconds. Then release, feeling the relaxation sensation for another 10 seconds. Repeat.\\nTense your lower arm by bending your hand downward at the wrist, hold for 10 seconds. Release, and relax for another 10 seconds. Repeat.\\nWork through the rest of your body, pausing to tense and relax each muscle group. Start with your upper arms, shoulders, neck, head, and face. Then continue with your chest, stomach, back, buttocks, thighs, calves and feet.\\nWhen you’ve worked through your entire body, sit for a few minutes to enjoy the sensation of feeling relaxed.\\nStand slowly to avoid dizziness (blood pressure drops when relaxed) or tensing up again unexpectedly.\\nIf you don’t have 15-20 minutes to complete the entire exercise, you can practice on muscle groups that are noticeably tense.\\n5. Making Decisions Effectively\\n5-1. Use the IDEAL model of decision-making.\\nMaking decisions is part of being assertive. You are taking control of your life and making decisions that best suit you, rather than letting someone else make decisions for you or allow yourself to become swayed by someone else against your better judgment. By identifying the problem, you will be able to address critical elements that result in good decision-making. Niagara Region Public Health recommends using the IDEAL model: \\nI – Identify the problem.\\nD – Describe all possible solutions. These might include handling it yourself, asking for intervention from someone else, or doing nothing.\\nE - Evaluate the consequences of each solution. Evaluate your feelings and needs to determine the best outcome for yourself.\\nA - Act. Choose a solution and try it. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs.\\nL - Learn. Did the solution work? Evaluate why or why not. If it didn’t work, look at the other solutions on your list and work through them.\\n5-2. Consider who needs to be involved.\\nThere may be multiple parties who will be impacted by a decision, but not all of them necessarily have to be involved with the decision-making. Get input from those who need to be involved. \\nYou should consider the other parties as you make your decision, but the final say will come from you.\\n5-3. Understand the purpose of your decision.\\nAll decisions are prompted by the need for some course of action. Take time to determine the purpose behind this course of action. This will ensure that the decision is the correct one.\\n5-4. Make a timely decision.\\nProcrastination can be a major impediment to assertive decision-making. Don’t leave the decision to the last minute or you may eliminate some of the possible solutions.\\n6. Setting Healthy Boundaries\\n6-1. Protect your physical and emotional space.\\nBoundaries are the physical, emotional, and intellectual barriers that you create to protect yourself from harm. Healthy boundaries protect your personal space, self-esteem, and maintain your ability to separate your own feelings from those of others. Unhealthy boundaries increase your likelihood of exposure to being adversely affected by others feelings, beliefs, and behaviors.\\n6-2. Plan out your boundaries.\\nWhen you go into a conversation where you want to discuss your needs, it’s important to know your boundaries beforehand. Having your boundaries at the forefront of your mind before a conversation will keep you from getting derailed and compromising your needs in the middle of a conversation because it's easier or helps you avoid conflict.\\nFor example, establish a boundary with your boss of not working on the weekends or not working overtime without three days’ notice. If you're talking to a friend, have a boundary of not picking her up at the airport again until she picks you up when you need a ride.\\n6-3. Learn to say no.\\nIf you do not feel right doing something, then don't do it. It's okay to reject someone. Remember, for yourself, the most important person is . If you don't respect your own desires, how can you expect others to?\\nYou may think that being a people-pleaser will put you on people’s good side, but unfortunately, an overabundance of generosity usually has the opposite effect on people.\\nPeople only value the things they invest time/energy/money into, so if you’re the one doing all the giving, your esteem for that person will skyrocket, but theirs for you will decline. Take a stand. People may resist at first – or even be shocked by your transformation – but in the end, they will respect you for it.\\n6-4. State your own opinions in a respectful manner.\\nDon't be silent if you have something to say. Share your feelings freely: it's your right. Remember, there's nothing wrong in having an opinion. Just make sure you pick the right moment to state your needs. Make it clear that what you have to say is important and should be noticed.\\nPractice in low-stakes situations. Do all your friends love that new TV show everyone’s talking about? Don’t be afraid to admit that you weren’t all that impressed. Has someone misinterpreted what you said? Don’t nod and play along; explain what you really meant, even if the miscommunication was harmless.\\n6-5. Identify what your needs are.\\nIdentify what makes you happy and what your needs are. This will help you develop a set of expectations for other people to follow in how you would like to be treated. Think of situations where you don’t feel like you’re being treated with mutual respect or situations where you felt like your feelings were not being considered. Then consider what could happen to make you feel more respected.\\n6-6. Be honest with yourself about what you want.\\nActing confidently won’t do you any good if you can never make up your mind or are trying too hard to “go with the flow.” People will be accommodating to your needs if you can tell them clearly what those needs are.\\nOff-loading decision-making onto everyone else is a passive-aggressive way of shirking your responsibility – and placing the consequences squarely on someone else’s shoulders. The next time your friends ask you where you want to go to dinner, don’t respond with, “Oh, wherever”; give them a concrete answer.\\n6-7. Come up with solutions that make both parties happy.\\nA good approach is to adopt a “we” mentality and come up with solutions that will make both parties happy, if the situation allows. This way, everyone’s feelings are being considered and heard. \\nFor instance, if you drive your roommate to work every day, yet she doesn’t pay for gas, approach her about this issue. You can say, “I don’t mind giving you rides every so often. Owning a car is really expensive, though, and I am saving you money and time if you were to take the bus to work every day. Would you mind chipping in for gas every week? I’d really appreciate it.” In this way, you are acknowledging that she might not realize that you feel a certain way. Now she is aware of the problem without you using an accusing tone.\\n7. Projecting Confidence\\n7-1. Evaluate your level of self-confidence.\\nSelf-confidence is reflected by your ability to understand how you see yourself. This includes your self-perception and where you believe you fit in the social hierarchy. If you see yourself in a negative light, you might experience great difficulty asserting your own thoughts, beliefs, needs, and feelings. Furthermore, you may feel intimidated or reluctant to ask questions when you need clarification, focus too heavily on your own negative traits, and lack trust in yourself. Self-doubt prevents assertive communication. Assess your self-confidence through self-evaluation by asking yourself these questions:\\nCan you maintain eye contact when communicating with others?\\nDo you project your voice properly?\\nDo you speak confidently (without using the phrases “uh” or “um” frequently)?\\nIs your physical posture or stance erect and open?\\nDo you have the ability to ask questions when clarification is needed?\\nAre you comfortable around other people?\\nAre you able to say no when appropriate?\\nAre you able to express anger and annoyance appropriately?\\nDo you offer your opinion when in disagreement with others?\\nDo you defend yourself against mistakes that are not your fault?\\nIf you answered no to 3 or fewer of these questions, you are likely a self-assured individual. If you answered no to 4-6 of these questions, there is a significant chance that you see yourself negatively. If you answered no more to than 7 questions, you are likely to experience tremendous difficulty with self-confidence. You may often doubt your worthiness of respect or see yourself lower in the social hierarchy.\\n7-2. Have confident body language.\\nThe way you hold yourself speaks volumes about you – long before you even get a chance to open your mouth. Keep your shoulders squared and your chin up. Avoid fidgeting (put your hands in your pockets if you must) or covering your mouth when you speak. Look people in the eye when you speak to indicate that you don't intend to be brushed off.\\nTry not to be easy to read, especially if you are nervous or uncertain. Hide your “tells” by controlling your hands, feet, and facial expressions so that they don’t betray your emotions.\\nIf making eye contact is a problem, practice with sunglasses and then work up to doing it barefaced. If you must avert your gaze, look off into the distance as if in thought, not down.\\nEven if you are nervous or confused, you can still act confident. There's no shame in asking questions.\\n7-3. Speak clearly and deliberately.\\nRushing when you talk is an admission that you don’t expect people to take the time to listen. Speaking slowly, on the other hand, will indicate to people that you’re worth the wait. Use a clear, calm voice. You don't need to be loud, but you do need to make yourself heard.\\nIf people aren't noticing you, say \\\"Excuse me\\\" clearly and firmly. Don’t be apologetic when you haven’t done anything wrong, as this can communicate to people that you feel slightly embarrassed just for existing.\\nTry to be concise when you speak. Even the most confident person in the world will lose their audience if they don’t make their point soon enough.\\nAvoid saying um or like as much as you can when you're trying to make a strong statement. Make a conscious effort to get these words out of your vocabulary.\\n7-4. Work on your appearance.\\nShallow though it may be, people make snap judgments based on your appearance. People who are naturally confident and charismatic can change others’ minds, but the rest of us aren’t so lucky. If you're wearing clothes that look like you've just got out of bed, or if you wear a pound of make-up with fluffy high-heels, the average person won't take you seriously. On the other hand, if you look like you're ready to get things done, people will tend to be more respectful.\\nDressing well doesn’t necessarily mean dressing up. If you’re the naturally casual sort, focus on having clean, matching, unwrinkled clothes with no embarrassing slogans or inappropriate images.\\nMaking an effort to be serious about your appearance will make it look like you're more serious about your demands.\\n7-5. Rehearse what you're going to say.\\nThis may sound silly, but if you want to project confidence, then you should sound firm and decisive when the moment comes. What better way to get there than to practice? You can practice in front of the mirror, into a recording, or even with a trusted friend, pretending he or she is your boss, significant other, or whomever you plan to speak with.\\nWhen the moment comes, remember how confident you sounded when you were just rehearsing, and work to sound even more confident when it counts.\\n8. Seeking Additional Help\\n8-1. Visit a counselor or psychologist.\\nIf you feel you still need help becoming assertive, it can help to see a professional. Counselors and psychologists have education and training specifically in helping people communicate in healthy and meaningful ways.\\n8-2. Try assertiveness training.\\nMany universities offer assertiveness training to the students. This will help you practice assertiveness techniques while helping you discuss different situations where you feel you need help in being assertive, as well as help in controlling your stress as you navigate different situations.\\n8-3. Practice with a trusted friend.\\nAsserting yourself takes practice and time. Ask a friend to help you practice your communication skills in various scenarios. The more you face situations that demand assertiveness, even when they are mock situations, the more confident you will become.\\nWarnings\\nIn confrontations, emotions can run high. Remember to be respectful and keep a cool head.\\nNot insertive, assertive.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being assertive falls right in the middle of being passive and aggressive. If you're passive, you'll never get to vocalize your needs; if you're aggressive, you'll look like a big bully and will likely be misdirecting your frustrations. But if you're assertive, you'll be able to express your desires while respecting the needs of others, and you'll have a better chance of getting what you want and deserve.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Understanding the Difference between Assertiveness, Aggression, and Passiveness\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Understand assertive communication.\", \"描述\": \"Assertive communication carries respect for the feelings, needs, wants, and opinions of others. An assertive communicator avoids infringing upon the rights of others, while asserting their own, seeking compromise in the process. Assertive communication utilizes actions and words to express boundaries of needs and wants in a calm fashion, while conveying a message of confidence.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Learn verbal features of assertive communication.\", \"描述\": \"The verbal cues that indicate assertive communication convey respect, sincerity and firmness. These cues might include:\\nFirm, relaxed voice\\nFluent and sincere\\nAppropriate volume for situation\\nCooperative and constructive\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Learn the non-verbal features of assertive communication.\", \"描述\": \"Just like verbal cues, non-verbal communication conveys assertive behavior and can indicate respect, sincerity and confidence. Non-verbal features might include:\\nReceptive listening\\nDirect eye contact\\nOpen body stance\\nSmiling when pleased\\nFrowning when angry\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Learn thoughts associated with assertive communication.\", \"描述\": \"An assertive person will naturally gravitate towards certain thought patterns that indicate their confidence and respect for others. These thoughts might include: \\n“I won’t be taken advantage of, or attack another person.”\\n“I will stand up for myself in a respectful manner.”\\n“I will express myself directly and openly.”\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Understand aggressive communication.\", \"描述\": \"Assertiveness can often be incorrectly confused with aggression. Aggressiveness lacks respect for others. It is a complete disregard for the needs, feelings, wants, opinions, and sometimes even the personal safety of other people. Aggressive communication can often be identified by angry and/or demanding behavior, self-promotion, and manipulation.\\nVerbal features of aggressive communication might include: sarcastic or condescending remarks, blaming, shouting, threats, boasting, or the use of put-downs.\\nNonverbal features of aggressive communication might include: intruding upon others’ personal space; fist-clenching, crossed arms, scowling, or staring down another person.\\nThoughts associated with aggressive communication might include: “I feel powerful, and will get others to do my bidding,\\\" \\\"I am in control of other people,\\\" or \\\"I refuse to be vulnerable.”\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Understand passive communication.\", \"描述\": \"Silence and assumption are the hallmarks of the passive communication style. Passive communicators often lack respect for themselves, disregarding their own opinions, feelings, needs, and desires. Passive communication places one’s own needs and desires below those of others. Passivity takes away one’s power and allows others to decide the outcomes of situations:\\nVerbal features of passive communication might include: hesitancy, quiet, self-dismissal, or self put-downs.\\nNon-verbal features of passive communication might include: averting the gaze or looking down, slouched posture, crossed arms, or covering the mouth with hand.\\nThoughts associated with passive communication might include: “I don’t count,\\\" or “People will think poorly of me.”\\nNote that being passive is not the same thing as being passive-aggressive, which is characterized by agreeing in the moment and then being resentful or retaliatory later.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Think about your influences.\", \"描述\": \"From early childhood, our behaviors are adapted to fit responses received from our environment, families, peers, coworkers, and authority figures. Communication styles, such as passiveness, assertiveness, and aggression, can be extensions of cultural, generational, and situational influences. Assertiveness is much more valued in Western societies.\\nOlder generations may find it more difficult to act assertively. Men were once taught that emotional expression was a sign of weakness, while women were taught that stating their own needs and opinions conveyed messages of aggression. Sometimes, it can even be difficult for us to discern which behaviors are appropriate to use in different situations.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Do not blame yourself for your communication style.\", \"描述\": \"It is important not to blame yourself if you do not understand how to communicate assertively. Other types of communication styles, such as passiveness and aggression, can be parts of a vicious cycle. You can break this cycle by learning new assertive ways of thinking and behaving. \\nIf your family taught you to place the needs of others before yourself as a child, it may be difficult for you to assert yourself.\\nIf your family or peer group handled conflict by yelling and arguing, you may have learned to deal with conflict accordingly.\\nIf your social group believed that negative emotions should be concealed, or if your have ever been ignored or ridiculed for expressing these types of feelings, then you may have learned not to communicate negative emotions.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Gaining Insight into Your Emotions\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Start writing in a journal.\", \"描述\": \"In order to learn how to communicate assertively, it is important that you learn how to effectively manage your emotions. For some, just gaining insight into their own emotional processes can be enough to help them change the way they communicate with others and enable them to express their emotions in a more assertive manner. Keeping a journal can be the best to get to the bottom of your behavior, by recording situations and asking specific questions that relate to assertiveness.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Identify situations as if you were filming a scene.\", \"描述\": \"Write down situations that trigger your emotions. Stick to facts and try not to make any interpretations in this first step. For example, you may simply write, “I asked my friend to go out to eat, and she said ‘no’.”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Identify the emotions you were feeling in the situation.\", \"描述\": \"Be honest about how you felt. Specify what emotions you were aware of at the time, and rate the intensity of each emotion on a scale from 0 to 100 (not intense at all to extremely intense). Just give an estimate but be honest with yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Identify your behavior in reaction to the situation.\", \"描述\": \"Note any physical symptoms you may have felt at the time. Ask yourself, “What did I do?” and “What did I feel in my body?”\\nFor example, if someone ignored your phone call, maybe you felt sick to your stomach or tension in your shoulders.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Identify thoughts that you had while in the situation.\", \"描述\": \"These thoughts may be assumptions, interpretations, beliefs, values, and so forth. Ask yourself, “What was I thinking?” or “What was going through my head?” For instance, you may write down: “I agreed to go out to eat when she asked me, so she should have said yes when I asked her,” or “Saying no was rude of her,” or “Maybe she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore.”\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Rate the strength of each thought.\", \"描述\": \"Again using the 0 to 100 scale, rate the strength of your thoughts in the situation. Record a “0” if you didn’t believe the thought, or a “100” if you believed it 100%. Then ask yourself, “Am I thinking in a passive, assertive, or aggressive manner?” Record your response to this question. Record any evidence for, or against, each thought. Evaluate whether there may be other ways to interpret the situation.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Determine a more assertive response to this situation.\", \"描述\": \"In order to find a more balanced and assertive manner of thinking and behaving, ask yourself, “What would be a more assertive way of thinking or responding?”\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Re-rate your original emotions.\", \"描述\": \"After you have evaluated the situation, revisit the intensity of your original emotions and the strength of your beliefs in the situation. Rate them again from 0 to 100.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Try to journal regularly.\", \"描述\": \"Through the journaling exercise, you are likely to decrease the intensity of your emotions. Evaluate your emotions, thoughts, and reactions during different types of situations. If you continue to practice, you may begin to think and behave in a more assertive manner.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Learning to Communicate Effectively\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Understand the benefits of assertive communication.\", \"描述\": \"Assertiveness is a learned style of communication that allows for the confident expression of one’s needs and feelings while, at the same time, remaining mindful of the opinions, wants, needs, and feelings of others. It is an alternative to behaving in a passive or aggressive manner. There are many benefits to learning how to communicating assertively:\\nStrong and effective communication\\nConfidence\\nSelf-esteem enhancement\\nGain respect of others\\nImproves decision-making skills\\nReduces stress of not having needs met\\nEnables conflict resolution\\nSelf-respect increases\\nFeelings of being ignored or coerced replaced by feelings of being understood and in control of decisions\\nTendency to be less depressed\\nDecreased likelihood of substance abuse\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Say “no” when appropriate.\", \"描述\": \"Saying no can be difficult for many people. However, saying “yes” when you need to say “no” can lead to unnecessary stress, resentment, and anger toward others. When saying no, it can be helpful to keep in mind a useful set of guidelines:\\nKeep it brief.\\nBe clear.\\nBe honest.\\nFor example, if you don't have time to do a favor that you don't have time to do, you can simply say, \\\"I can't this time. Sorry to disappoint you, but I have too many things to do that day, and there's no room in my schedule.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Stay calm and respect others.\", \"描述\": \"When you are speaking with someone, remain calm and have respect for them. This will enable the other person to heed what you say and treat you with respect too.\\nIt may help to breathe deeply if you start to feel upset. Doing so will initiate your body's calming process and help you stay in control.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Use simple sentences.\", \"描述\": \"Communication may seem like a simple task, however, much of what we attempt to communicate to others – and what is communicated to us – can often be misunderstood. This may cause frustration or conflict in our relationships with other people. When communicating with someone, state your feelings, wants, opinions, and needs in simple sentences. This will help the other person clearly understand what you’re asking.\\nFor example, instead of speaking to a family member in long sentences full of hints and indirect statements, you can be brief and direct: \\\"I love when you call me just to talk! It's hard for me to have a long conversation during work hours, though. I'd appreciate it if you called during the evening instead.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Utilize “I” statements when you are asserting yourself.\", \"描述\": \"“I” statements convey that you are willing to take responsibility for your own thoughts and behaviors. There are different types of “I” statements that are appropriate for a variety of situations: \\n\\n: This type of “I” statement can be used in everyday situations to make your needs known, or to give praise, information, or facts. Basic assertions can also be utilized in self-disclosure situations to ease anxiety and enable relaxation. It includes: “I need to leave by 6 o’clock,” or “I enjoyed your presentation.”\\n: This particular “I” statement contains elements of recognition of another person’s feelings, needs, or desires, as well as a statement of your own needs and desires. It can be used to indicate your sensitivity to another person’s position, such as, “I know you are busy, but I need your assistance.”\\n: This is the strongest form of “I” statement, often used as a last resort assertion. It can be misinterpreted as aggressive if you are not careful to observe your non-verbal behavior. The consequence assertion informs another person of the penalties for not changing their behavior; usually in situations when someone is not considering the rights of others. An example would be a work situation when procedures or guidelines are not being followed: “If this happens again, I am left with no choice but to pursue disciplinary action. I would prefer to avoid that.”\\n: This type of “I” statement is used to point out a discrepancy between what has been previously agreed upon, and what is actually happening. It is used for clarifying misunderstandings and/or contradictions in behavior. You might say, “As I understand, we agreed that Project ABC was our number one priority. Now you are asking me to allow more time for Project XYZ. I would like you to clarify which is now the top priority.”\\n: This form of “I” statement is utilized in situations where you feel negative feelings toward another person (anger, resentment, hurt). It enables you to convey these feelings without making an uncontrolled outburst, and alerts the other party of the effects of their actions. You might say, “When you procrastinate on your report, it involves my working over the weekend. I feel annoyed by this, so in the future I would like to receive it by Thursday afternoon.”\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Use appropriate body language.\", \"描述\": \"Always remember when being assertive, your non-verbal communication is important. It is possible to think you are acting assertively when you are actually being passive or aggressive because you are not careful about your non-verbal communication style.\\nKeep your voice calm and volume neutral\\nMaintain good eye contact\\nRelax your face and body position\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Take time to practice assertive communication.\", \"描述\": \"Adopting assertive behavior takes time and practice so that it can become second nature to you. Practice having conversations in the mirror. Alternately, practice your conversation with your therapist or counselor.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Learning to Manage Stress\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Acknowledge stress in your life.\", \"描述\": \"It can be challenging to keep your emotions under control, which can affect the way we communicate. When we get stressed or upset, our bodies go into stress mode, which puts our bodies into a chemical and hormonal reaction to get ready for a perceived threat. The way you think in this state is different than the way you would think with a calm, clear, rational mind and body, making it more difficult for you to use your assertiveness techniques. \\nAcknowledge when you have stress in your life. Make a list of the things that are contributing to your stressful state.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Try meditation.\", \"描述\": \"Relaxation techniques bring our bodies back to a balanced physiological state. For example, meditation has a calming effect on the brain that lasts well after your meditation session. This has a direct effect on the amygdala, the center in the brain responsible for emotional reasoning. Try to meditate every day for at least 5-10 minutes.\\nSit in a comfortable chair or on a pillow.\\nClose your eyes and focus on sensations that you’re having. Pay attention to what you feel with your body, what you hear, and what you smell.\\nTurn your attention to your breathing. Inhale for a count of four, hold your breath for a count of four, and exhale for a count of four.\\nWhenever your mind wanders, dismiss the thoughts without judgment and refocus your thinking on your breath.\\nYou might add a mantra or metta, or a saying that uplifts you and gives you positive feelings, such as, “May I be peaceful,” or “May I be happy.”\\nYou might also try a guided meditation, which helps you visualize relaxing imagery.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Practice deep breathing.\", \"描述\": \"When you are in a stressful situation, deep breathing can help reduce stress and help you think clearly. Take some deep breaths by slowly and deliberately inhaling and exhaling.\\nSit comfortably in a chair with your arms and legs uncrossed, feet flat on the floor, and hands resting on your thighs. Gently close your eyes.\\nBreathe in through your nose, observing the quality of the breath while inhaling and exhaling.\\nSlowly lengthen each inhalation by smoothly deepening each breath down into your abdomen. Pause briefly, then note the smooth, steady breath released as you exhale.\\nBegin counting the rhythm of your breaths. Inhale for 3 seconds. Exhale for 3 seconds. Maintain slow, even, and controlled breathing. Try not to speed up.\\nUse this rhythm while breathing for 10-15 minutes\\nWhen finished, gently open your eyes. Relax momentarily. Then, slowly rise from the chair.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Try progressive muscle relaxation.\", \"描述\": \"If you’re nervous about meditation or feel you don’t have the time to practice it faithfully, the relaxation response can still be activated through progressive muscle relaxation. This technique activates the body’s calming response and brings the body back into physiological balance by tensing and relaxing each muscle group in the body in progression. To practice progressive muscle relaxation in about 15-20 minutes per day:\\nFind a comfortable position in a chair with your feet flat on the floor, your hands resting on your thighs, and your eyes closed.\\nStart the exercise by clenching your fists, holding for 10 seconds. Then release, feeling the relaxation sensation for another 10 seconds. Repeat.\\nTense your lower arm by bending your hand downward at the wrist, hold for 10 seconds. Release, and relax for another 10 seconds. Repeat.\\nWork through the rest of your body, pausing to tense and relax each muscle group. Start with your upper arms, shoulders, neck, head, and face. Then continue with your chest, stomach, back, buttocks, thighs, calves and feet.\\nWhen you’ve worked through your entire body, sit for a few minutes to enjoy the sensation of feeling relaxed.\\nStand slowly to avoid dizziness (blood pressure drops when relaxed) or tensing up again unexpectedly.\\nIf you don’t have 15-20 minutes to complete the entire exercise, you can practice on muscle groups that are noticeably tense.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Making Decisions Effectively\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Use the IDEAL model of decision-making.\", \"描述\": \"Making decisions is part of being assertive. You are taking control of your life and making decisions that best suit you, rather than letting someone else make decisions for you or allow yourself to become swayed by someone else against your better judgment. By identifying the problem, you will be able to address critical elements that result in good decision-making. Niagara Region Public Health recommends using the IDEAL model: \\nI – Identify the problem.\\nD – Describe all possible solutions. These might include handling it yourself, asking for intervention from someone else, or doing nothing.\\nE - Evaluate the consequences of each solution. Evaluate your feelings and needs to determine the best outcome for yourself.\\nA - Act. Choose a solution and try it. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs.\\nL - Learn. Did the solution work? Evaluate why or why not. If it didn’t work, look at the other solutions on your list and work through them.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Consider who needs to be involved.\", \"描述\": \"There may be multiple parties who will be impacted by a decision, but not all of them necessarily have to be involved with the decision-making. Get input from those who need to be involved. \\nYou should consider the other parties as you make your decision, but the final say will come from you.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Understand the purpose of your decision.\", \"描述\": \"All decisions are prompted by the need for some course of action. Take time to determine the purpose behind this course of action. This will ensure that the decision is the correct one.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Make a timely decision.\", \"描述\": \"Procrastination can be a major impediment to assertive decision-making. Don’t leave the decision to the last minute or you may eliminate some of the possible solutions.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Setting Healthy Boundaries\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Protect your physical and emotional space.\", \"描述\": \"Boundaries are the physical, emotional, and intellectual barriers that you create to protect yourself from harm. Healthy boundaries protect your personal space, self-esteem, and maintain your ability to separate your own feelings from those of others. Unhealthy boundaries increase your likelihood of exposure to being adversely affected by others feelings, beliefs, and behaviors.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Plan out your boundaries.\", \"描述\": \"When you go into a conversation where you want to discuss your needs, it’s important to know your boundaries beforehand. Having your boundaries at the forefront of your mind before a conversation will keep you from getting derailed and compromising your needs in the middle of a conversation because it's easier or helps you avoid conflict.\\nFor example, establish a boundary with your boss of not working on the weekends or not working overtime without three days’ notice. If you're talking to a friend, have a boundary of not picking her up at the airport again until she picks you up when you need a ride.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Learn to say no.\", \"描述\": \"If you do not feel right doing something, then don't do it. It's okay to reject someone. Remember, for yourself, the most important person is . If you don't respect your own desires, how can you expect others to?\\nYou may think that being a people-pleaser will put you on people’s good side, but unfortunately, an overabundance of generosity usually has the opposite effect on people.\\nPeople only value the things they invest time/energy/money into, so if you’re the one doing all the giving, your esteem for that person will skyrocket, but theirs for you will decline. Take a stand. People may resist at first – or even be shocked by your transformation – but in the end, they will respect you for it.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"State your own opinions in a respectful manner.\", \"描述\": \"Don't be silent if you have something to say. Share your feelings freely: it's your right. Remember, there's nothing wrong in having an opinion. Just make sure you pick the right moment to state your needs. Make it clear that what you have to say is important and should be noticed.\\nPractice in low-stakes situations. Do all your friends love that new TV show everyone’s talking about? Don’t be afraid to admit that you weren’t all that impressed. Has someone misinterpreted what you said? Don’t nod and play along; explain what you really meant, even if the miscommunication was harmless.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Identify what your needs are.\", \"描述\": \"Identify what makes you happy and what your needs are. This will help you develop a set of expectations for other people to follow in how you would like to be treated. Think of situations where you don’t feel like you’re being treated with mutual respect or situations where you felt like your feelings were not being considered. Then consider what could happen to make you feel more respected.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Be honest with yourself about what you want.\", \"描述\": \"Acting confidently won’t do you any good if you can never make up your mind or are trying too hard to “go with the flow.” People will be accommodating to your needs if you can tell them clearly what those needs are.\\nOff-loading decision-making onto everyone else is a passive-aggressive way of shirking your responsibility – and placing the consequences squarely on someone else’s shoulders. The next time your friends ask you where you want to go to dinner, don’t respond with, “Oh, wherever”; give them a concrete answer.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Come up with solutions that make both parties happy.\", \"描述\": \"A good approach is to adopt a “we” mentality and come up with solutions that will make both parties happy, if the situation allows. This way, everyone’s feelings are being considered and heard. \\nFor instance, if you drive your roommate to work every day, yet she doesn’t pay for gas, approach her about this issue. You can say, “I don’t mind giving you rides every so often. Owning a car is really expensive, though, and I am saving you money and time if you were to take the bus to work every day. Would you mind chipping in for gas every week? I’d really appreciate it.” In this way, you are acknowledging that she might not realize that you feel a certain way. Now she is aware of the problem without you using an accusing tone.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Projecting Confidence\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Evaluate your level of self-confidence.\", \"描述\": \"Self-confidence is reflected by your ability to understand how you see yourself. This includes your self-perception and where you believe you fit in the social hierarchy. If you see yourself in a negative light, you might experience great difficulty asserting your own thoughts, beliefs, needs, and feelings. Furthermore, you may feel intimidated or reluctant to ask questions when you need clarification, focus too heavily on your own negative traits, and lack trust in yourself. Self-doubt prevents assertive communication. Assess your self-confidence through self-evaluation by asking yourself these questions:\\nCan you maintain eye contact when communicating with others?\\nDo you project your voice properly?\\nDo you speak confidently (without using the phrases “uh” or “um” frequently)?\\nIs your physical posture or stance erect and open?\\nDo you have the ability to ask questions when clarification is needed?\\nAre you comfortable around other people?\\nAre you able to say no when appropriate?\\nAre you able to express anger and annoyance appropriately?\\nDo you offer your opinion when in disagreement with others?\\nDo you defend yourself against mistakes that are not your fault?\\nIf you answered no to 3 or fewer of these questions, you are likely a self-assured individual. If you answered no to 4-6 of these questions, there is a significant chance that you see yourself negatively. If you answered no more to than 7 questions, you are likely to experience tremendous difficulty with self-confidence. You may often doubt your worthiness of respect or see yourself lower in the social hierarchy.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Have confident body language.\", \"描述\": \"The way you hold yourself speaks volumes about you – long before you even get a chance to open your mouth. Keep your shoulders squared and your chin up. Avoid fidgeting (put your hands in your pockets if you must) or covering your mouth when you speak. Look people in the eye when you speak to indicate that you don't intend to be brushed off.\\nTry not to be easy to read, especially if you are nervous or uncertain. Hide your “tells” by controlling your hands, feet, and facial expressions so that they don’t betray your emotions.\\nIf making eye contact is a problem, practice with sunglasses and then work up to doing it barefaced. If you must avert your gaze, look off into the distance as if in thought, not down.\\nEven if you are nervous or confused, you can still act confident. There's no shame in asking questions.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Speak clearly and deliberately.\", \"描述\": \"Rushing when you talk is an admission that you don’t expect people to take the time to listen. Speaking slowly, on the other hand, will indicate to people that you’re worth the wait. Use a clear, calm voice. You don't need to be loud, but you do need to make yourself heard.\\nIf people aren't noticing you, say \\\"Excuse me\\\" clearly and firmly. Don’t be apologetic when you haven’t done anything wrong, as this can communicate to people that you feel slightly embarrassed just for existing.\\nTry to be concise when you speak. Even the most confident person in the world will lose their audience if they don’t make their point soon enough.\\nAvoid saying um or like as much as you can when you're trying to make a strong statement. Make a conscious effort to get these words out of your vocabulary.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Work on your appearance.\", \"描述\": \"Shallow though it may be, people make snap judgments based on your appearance. People who are naturally confident and charismatic can change others’ minds, but the rest of us aren’t so lucky. If you're wearing clothes that look like you've just got out of bed, or if you wear a pound of make-up with fluffy high-heels, the average person won't take you seriously. On the other hand, if you look like you're ready to get things done, people will tend to be more respectful.\\nDressing well doesn’t necessarily mean dressing up. If you’re the naturally casual sort, focus on having clean, matching, unwrinkled clothes with no embarrassing slogans or inappropriate images.\\nMaking an effort to be serious about your appearance will make it look like you're more serious about your demands.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Rehearse what you're going to say.\", \"描述\": \"This may sound silly, but if you want to project confidence, then you should sound firm and decisive when the moment comes. What better way to get there than to practice? You can practice in front of the mirror, into a recording, or even with a trusted friend, pretending he or she is your boss, significant other, or whomever you plan to speak with.\\nWhen the moment comes, remember how confident you sounded when you were just rehearsing, and work to sound even more confident when it counts.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Seeking Additional Help\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Visit a counselor or psychologist.\", \"描述\": \"If you feel you still need help becoming assertive, it can help to see a professional. Counselors and psychologists have education and training specifically in helping people communicate in healthy and meaningful ways.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Try assertiveness training.\", \"描述\": \"Many universities offer assertiveness training to the students. This will help you practice assertiveness techniques while helping you discuss different situations where you feel you need help in being assertive, as well as help in controlling your stress as you navigate different situations.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Practice with a trusted friend.\", \"描述\": \"Asserting yourself takes practice and time. Ask a friend to help you practice your communication skills in various scenarios. The more you face situations that demand assertiveness, even when they are mock situations, the more confident you will become.\"}], \"注意事项\": [\"In confrontations, emotions can run high. Remember to be respectful and keep a cool head.\\n\", \"Not insertive, assertive.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,550 | How to Be Assertive Without Being Aggressive | 1. Taking a Moment to Reflect
1-1. Take a deep breath and smile.
By taking a moment to breathe and smile you not only prevent yourself from acting rashly and aggressively, but you release endorphins in your brain.
Endorphins are released when you smile because your brain has been trained to recognize these muscle movements as positive. Endorphins, along with serotonin keep your mood up and stable.
Breathing and smiling also relieves stress because it lowers cortisol levels, which is a stress hormone.
1-2. Meditate for a few minutes.
Meditation doesn’t have to be done by sitting on the floor with your legs crossed. It can be done by going for a walk or finding a quiet place to be alone. You can even use apps on your smartphone to help you time your meditation or walk you through a guided meditation.
Whether you’re in an office environment or social situation you can always remove yourself from a stressful situation for a few minutes.
Meditating and clearing your mind for a few minutes will help you formulate a positive plan of action where your can be assertive.
Acting rashly without thinking can cause you to be aggressive and immature.
Try sitting down and placing both hands on your belly. Take in a few full breaths. Feel your stomach rise as you breathe in and fall on the out breath.
Breath through your nose and take long, calm breaths.
1-3. Remind yourself that your opinion matters.
You are within your rights to feel the way you do. You are also capable of confidently and respectfully expressing your point of view.
Giving yourself a pep talk may sound silly but it can help to boost your confidence and express what you need to in a confident and succinct manner.
If you try to confront someone without having had time to cool down you are more likely to act aggressively. Aggressive behavior means bullying someone instead of working together to find a solution.
1-4. Understand that you can't control the actions and feelings of others.
You can only control how you act and feel. Being assertive means focusing on how you handle situations.
While your goal may be to get someone to change her behavior in a certain manner, you can't force your will on that person. All you can do is communicate what you need and how you feel.
Aggressive behavior involves trying to assert your will and force a person to change to get what you want. Being assertive involves keeping a cool head and dealing with how you feel and behave.
2. Behaving Diplomatically
2-1. Think carefully before you speak.
Even though you’ve taken a few moments to decompress and compose yourself, you may get heated during a conversation. Therefore, remember to always take a moment before speaking.
You can ensure that you are taking a moment before speaking by listening intently to what the other person is saying.
Don’t interrupt the other person. Wait until this person has finished speaking before you talk.
Being assertive means really listening and understanding so you can express what you need.
Being aggressive means interrupting the other person and speaking over her.
2-2. Make an assertive request or statement.
Find a moment to talk to the person or persons who you are dealing with and practice direct communication.
Direct, assertive communication involves understanding where the other person is coming from and expressing your contracting opinion without placing blame.
Use “I feel” statements. Instead of accusing the other person by saying “you did this” or “you’re behavior is”, express how her actions make you feel.
2-3. Use specific declarative statements.
Declarative statements help you to paint a clear picture of the situation. And when followed by an “I feel” statement, can be an effective and assertive way to begin resolving an issue.
Instead of saying something like “You’re always letting me down,” or “You think you’re better than me because you do more work outside of office hours?” Use a statement that's similar to what you might read in a news article. It should be factual and specific.
"You missed the last three deadlines,” or “You’ve come in ten minutes late three days this week,” are harder to argue with.
2-4. Self-reflect and empathize with the other person.
Now that you have clearly expressed your feelings on a situation, take a moment to reflect and try to empathize with the other person. Allow them an opportunity to present their viewpoints on the situation, and listen to them with an open mind and heart.
Use your own experiences to try and find a parallel to the current situation. You’ve probably been in the other person’s shoes before in some sense. How did you react or feel when you were on the other side?
Try to connect with this other person through your shared emotions or experiences.
Try to incorporate some humor if you can. Humor is a great way to break the tension and make people feel more comfortable. Humor doesn’t mean of making fun of a person, however. Humor means making light of a situation without blame.
3. Reaching a Resolution
3-1. Validate the other person’s feelings and point of view.
Now you can further connect with this person by explaining that how she feels is valid. However, it's her actions which aren’t valid.
If you’re in a workplace scenario where you are talking to a coworker you can say something like “I understand that the workload and meeting deadlines can be stressful. And you’re right to feel angry or upset, I feel that way sometimes.”
By connecting with this person, even if it’s hard to, and validating her feelings, you are changing your relationship in a positive way. Instead of being enemies, you are now on the same team.
3-2. Establish what changes you need to see.
Be clear about what kind of changes you need, and don’t get emotional or irrational.
You need to set boundaries with the other person. If you outline boundaries for what’s acceptable or what you will put up with, you can begin to work on a resolution.
If you know that certain things won’t change, focus on things you can change. If you’re in a workplace scenario and this person is never meeting deadlines and always coming in late, focus on one problem at a time. Assertive people will be clear about what is needed but without berating a person. Aggressive behavior involves piling on and being accusatory.
If having this person meet deadlines is more important than coming in a few minutes late, be clear about it. Say “You haven’t met the last three deadlines, and I need you to meet your deadlines going forward. And if you can’t, then I will have to review your employment status with the company.”
You’re not circumventing the situation at hand and being vague when you are concrete and specific.
3-3. Collaborate on a plan and a singular vision.
Now ask this person what the two of you can do to make what you need a reality. Formulate a plan that puts both of you on the same page.
Being assertive means working together while resolving an issue. Aggressive people will demand a change but not help. And passive-aggressive people will solve a problem without communication at all.
If you need this person to start meeting deadlines, then together, communicate on how that can be achieved.
Offer alternative solutions and ask questions. Maybe you need to be better at handing out assignments with more notice. Perhaps the work for this person is too much and she feels that she would perform better in another department or area.
3-4. Thank the person and walk away.
Once you have reached an agreement, politely thank the person for taking the time to listen to you and work with you.
Though you may still not be very happy with this person or have more to work on, saying “thank you” shows respect and can make a person feel validated.
Leave the situation and don’t simmer in it. You’ve asserted yourself and expressed how you feel and what you need. Now it’s time to put the situation behind you.
Tips
Being assertive and not aggressive means outlining what you need from someone in a clear and consistent manner.
Don’t forget to breathe and take a moment to decompress alone when you feel yourself getting angry.
Remember to listen to the other person. Express what you need but don’t discount the other person.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:50:20",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Taking a Moment to Reflect\\n1-1. Take a deep breath and smile.\\nBy taking a moment to breathe and smile you not only prevent yourself from acting rashly and aggressively, but you release endorphins in your brain.\\nEndorphins are released when you smile because your brain has been trained to recognize these muscle movements as positive. Endorphins, along with serotonin keep your mood up and stable.\\nBreathing and smiling also relieves stress because it lowers cortisol levels, which is a stress hormone.\\n1-2. Meditate for a few minutes.\\nMeditation doesn’t have to be done by sitting on the floor with your legs crossed. It can be done by going for a walk or finding a quiet place to be alone. You can even use apps on your smartphone to help you time your meditation or walk you through a guided meditation.\\nWhether you’re in an office environment or social situation you can always remove yourself from a stressful situation for a few minutes.\\nMeditating and clearing your mind for a few minutes will help you formulate a positive plan of action where your can be assertive.\\nActing rashly without thinking can cause you to be aggressive and immature.\\nTry sitting down and placing both hands on your belly. Take in a few full breaths. Feel your stomach rise as you breathe in and fall on the out breath.\\nBreath through your nose and take long, calm breaths.\\n1-3. Remind yourself that your opinion matters.\\nYou are within your rights to feel the way you do. You are also capable of confidently and respectfully expressing your point of view. \\nGiving yourself a pep talk may sound silly but it can help to boost your confidence and express what you need to in a confident and succinct manner.\\nIf you try to confront someone without having had time to cool down you are more likely to act aggressively. Aggressive behavior means bullying someone instead of working together to find a solution.\\n1-4. Understand that you can't control the actions and feelings of others.\\nYou can only control how you act and feel. Being assertive means focusing on how you handle situations. \\nWhile your goal may be to get someone to change her behavior in a certain manner, you can't force your will on that person. All you can do is communicate what you need and how you feel.\\nAggressive behavior involves trying to assert your will and force a person to change to get what you want. Being assertive involves keeping a cool head and dealing with how you feel and behave.\\n2. Behaving Diplomatically\\n2-1. Think carefully before you speak.\\nEven though you’ve taken a few moments to decompress and compose yourself, you may get heated during a conversation. Therefore, remember to always take a moment before speaking.\\nYou can ensure that you are taking a moment before speaking by listening intently to what the other person is saying.\\nDon’t interrupt the other person. Wait until this person has finished speaking before you talk.\\nBeing assertive means really listening and understanding so you can express what you need.\\nBeing aggressive means interrupting the other person and speaking over her.\\n2-2. Make an assertive request or statement.\\nFind a moment to talk to the person or persons who you are dealing with and practice direct communication. \\nDirect, assertive communication involves understanding where the other person is coming from and expressing your contracting opinion without placing blame.\\nUse “I feel” statements. Instead of accusing the other person by saying “you did this” or “you’re behavior is”, express how her actions make you feel.\\n2-3. Use specific declarative statements.\\nDeclarative statements help you to paint a clear picture of the situation. And when followed by an “I feel” statement, can be an effective and assertive way to begin resolving an issue.\\nInstead of saying something like “You’re always letting me down,” or “You think you’re better than me because you do more work outside of office hours?” Use a statement that's similar to what you might read in a news article. It should be factual and specific.\\n\\\"You missed the last three deadlines,” or “You’ve come in ten minutes late three days this week,” are harder to argue with.\\n2-4. Self-reflect and empathize with the other person.\\nNow that you have clearly expressed your feelings on a situation, take a moment to reflect and try to empathize with the other person. Allow them an opportunity to present their viewpoints on the situation, and listen to them with an open mind and heart. \\nUse your own experiences to try and find a parallel to the current situation. You’ve probably been in the other person’s shoes before in some sense. How did you react or feel when you were on the other side?\\nTry to connect with this other person through your shared emotions or experiences.\\nTry to incorporate some humor if you can. Humor is a great way to break the tension and make people feel more comfortable. Humor doesn’t mean of making fun of a person, however. Humor means making light of a situation without blame.\\n3. Reaching a Resolution\\n3-1. Validate the other person’s feelings and point of view.\\nNow you can further connect with this person by explaining that how she feels is valid. However, it's her actions which aren’t valid.\\nIf you’re in a workplace scenario where you are talking to a coworker you can say something like “I understand that the workload and meeting deadlines can be stressful. And you’re right to feel angry or upset, I feel that way sometimes.”\\nBy connecting with this person, even if it’s hard to, and validating her feelings, you are changing your relationship in a positive way. Instead of being enemies, you are now on the same team.\\n3-2. Establish what changes you need to see.\\nBe clear about what kind of changes you need, and don’t get emotional or irrational. \\nYou need to set boundaries with the other person. If you outline boundaries for what’s acceptable or what you will put up with, you can begin to work on a resolution.\\nIf you know that certain things won’t change, focus on things you can change. If you’re in a workplace scenario and this person is never meeting deadlines and always coming in late, focus on one problem at a time. Assertive people will be clear about what is needed but without berating a person. Aggressive behavior involves piling on and being accusatory.\\nIf having this person meet deadlines is more important than coming in a few minutes late, be clear about it. Say “You haven’t met the last three deadlines, and I need you to meet your deadlines going forward. And if you can’t, then I will have to review your employment status with the company.”\\nYou’re not circumventing the situation at hand and being vague when you are concrete and specific.\\n3-3. Collaborate on a plan and a singular vision.\\nNow ask this person what the two of you can do to make what you need a reality. Formulate a plan that puts both of you on the same page.\\nBeing assertive means working together while resolving an issue. Aggressive people will demand a change but not help. And passive-aggressive people will solve a problem without communication at all.\\nIf you need this person to start meeting deadlines, then together, communicate on how that can be achieved.\\nOffer alternative solutions and ask questions. Maybe you need to be better at handing out assignments with more notice. Perhaps the work for this person is too much and she feels that she would perform better in another department or area.\\n3-4. Thank the person and walk away.\\nOnce you have reached an agreement, politely thank the person for taking the time to listen to you and work with you. \\nThough you may still not be very happy with this person or have more to work on, saying “thank you” shows respect and can make a person feel validated.\\nLeave the situation and don’t simmer in it. You’ve asserted yourself and expressed how you feel and what you need. Now it’s time to put the situation behind you.\\nTips\\nBeing assertive and not aggressive means outlining what you need from someone in a clear and consistent manner.\\nDon’t forget to breathe and take a moment to decompress alone when you feel yourself getting angry.\\nRemember to listen to the other person. Express what you need but don’t discount the other person.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being assertive is a constructive way for dealing with difficult people, achieving your goals, and solving a problem. Whether it’s with a co-worker or a friend, communicating confidently and in a straightforward manner can help you get what you need. Being assertive differs from being aggressive as assertiveness involves a constructive and polite attitude. Aggressive behavior involves speaking before you think, insulting people, and not listening to what others need. Be assertive and not aggressive to solve your problems by decompressing from a stressful situation, communicating properly, and understanding others’ point of view.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Taking a Moment to Reflect\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Take a deep breath and smile.\", \"描述\": \"By taking a moment to breathe and smile you not only prevent yourself from acting rashly and aggressively, but you release endorphins in your brain.\\nEndorphins are released when you smile because your brain has been trained to recognize these muscle movements as positive. Endorphins, along with serotonin keep your mood up and stable.\\nBreathing and smiling also relieves stress because it lowers cortisol levels, which is a stress hormone.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Meditate for a few minutes.\", \"描述\": \"Meditation doesn’t have to be done by sitting on the floor with your legs crossed. It can be done by going for a walk or finding a quiet place to be alone. You can even use apps on your smartphone to help you time your meditation or walk you through a guided meditation.\\nWhether you’re in an office environment or social situation you can always remove yourself from a stressful situation for a few minutes.\\nMeditating and clearing your mind for a few minutes will help you formulate a positive plan of action where your can be assertive.\\nActing rashly without thinking can cause you to be aggressive and immature.\\nTry sitting down and placing both hands on your belly. Take in a few full breaths. Feel your stomach rise as you breathe in and fall on the out breath.\\nBreath through your nose and take long, calm breaths.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Remind yourself that your opinion matters.\", \"描述\": \"You are within your rights to feel the way you do. You are also capable of confidently and respectfully expressing your point of view. \\nGiving yourself a pep talk may sound silly but it can help to boost your confidence and express what you need to in a confident and succinct manner.\\nIf you try to confront someone without having had time to cool down you are more likely to act aggressively. Aggressive behavior means bullying someone instead of working together to find a solution.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Understand that you can't control the actions and feelings of others.\", \"描述\": \"You can only control how you act and feel. Being assertive means focusing on how you handle situations. \\nWhile your goal may be to get someone to change her behavior in a certain manner, you can't force your will on that person. All you can do is communicate what you need and how you feel.\\nAggressive behavior involves trying to assert your will and force a person to change to get what you want. Being assertive involves keeping a cool head and dealing with how you feel and behave.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Behaving Diplomatically\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Think carefully before you speak.\", \"描述\": \"Even though you’ve taken a few moments to decompress and compose yourself, you may get heated during a conversation. Therefore, remember to always take a moment before speaking.\\nYou can ensure that you are taking a moment before speaking by listening intently to what the other person is saying.\\nDon’t interrupt the other person. Wait until this person has finished speaking before you talk.\\nBeing assertive means really listening and understanding so you can express what you need.\\nBeing aggressive means interrupting the other person and speaking over her.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Make an assertive request or statement.\", \"描述\": \"Find a moment to talk to the person or persons who you are dealing with and practice direct communication. \\nDirect, assertive communication involves understanding where the other person is coming from and expressing your contracting opinion without placing blame.\\nUse “I feel” statements. Instead of accusing the other person by saying “you did this” or “you’re behavior is”, express how her actions make you feel.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Use specific declarative statements.\", \"描述\": \"Declarative statements help you to paint a clear picture of the situation. And when followed by an “I feel” statement, can be an effective and assertive way to begin resolving an issue.\\nInstead of saying something like “You’re always letting me down,” or “You think you’re better than me because you do more work outside of office hours?” Use a statement that's similar to what you might read in a news article. It should be factual and specific.\\n\\\"You missed the last three deadlines,” or “You’ve come in ten minutes late three days this week,” are harder to argue with.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Self-reflect and empathize with the other person.\", \"描述\": \"Now that you have clearly expressed your feelings on a situation, take a moment to reflect and try to empathize with the other person. Allow them an opportunity to present their viewpoints on the situation, and listen to them with an open mind and heart. \\nUse your own experiences to try and find a parallel to the current situation. You’ve probably been in the other person’s shoes before in some sense. How did you react or feel when you were on the other side?\\nTry to connect with this other person through your shared emotions or experiences.\\nTry to incorporate some humor if you can. Humor is a great way to break the tension and make people feel more comfortable. Humor doesn’t mean of making fun of a person, however. Humor means making light of a situation without blame.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Reaching a Resolution\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Validate the other person’s feelings and point of view.\", \"描述\": \"Now you can further connect with this person by explaining that how she feels is valid. However, it's her actions which aren’t valid.\\nIf you’re in a workplace scenario where you are talking to a coworker you can say something like “I understand that the workload and meeting deadlines can be stressful. And you’re right to feel angry or upset, I feel that way sometimes.”\\nBy connecting with this person, even if it’s hard to, and validating her feelings, you are changing your relationship in a positive way. Instead of being enemies, you are now on the same team.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Establish what changes you need to see.\", \"描述\": \"Be clear about what kind of changes you need, and don’t get emotional or irrational. \\nYou need to set boundaries with the other person. If you outline boundaries for what’s acceptable or what you will put up with, you can begin to work on a resolution.\\nIf you know that certain things won’t change, focus on things you can change. If you’re in a workplace scenario and this person is never meeting deadlines and always coming in late, focus on one problem at a time. Assertive people will be clear about what is needed but without berating a person. Aggressive behavior involves piling on and being accusatory.\\nIf having this person meet deadlines is more important than coming in a few minutes late, be clear about it. Say “You haven’t met the last three deadlines, and I need you to meet your deadlines going forward. And if you can’t, then I will have to review your employment status with the company.”\\nYou’re not circumventing the situation at hand and being vague when you are concrete and specific.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Collaborate on a plan and a singular vision.\", \"描述\": \"Now ask this person what the two of you can do to make what you need a reality. Formulate a plan that puts both of you on the same page.\\nBeing assertive means working together while resolving an issue. Aggressive people will demand a change but not help. And passive-aggressive people will solve a problem without communication at all.\\nIf you need this person to start meeting deadlines, then together, communicate on how that can be achieved.\\nOffer alternative solutions and ask questions. Maybe you need to be better at handing out assignments with more notice. Perhaps the work for this person is too much and she feels that she would perform better in another department or area.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Thank the person and walk away.\", \"描述\": \"Once you have reached an agreement, politely thank the person for taking the time to listen to you and work with you. \\nThough you may still not be very happy with this person or have more to work on, saying “thank you” shows respect and can make a person feel validated.\\nLeave the situation and don’t simmer in it. You’ve asserted yourself and expressed how you feel and what you need. Now it’s time to put the situation behind you.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Being assertive and not aggressive means outlining what you need from someone in a clear and consistent manner.\\n\", \"Don’t forget to breathe and take a moment to decompress alone when you feel yourself getting angry.\\n\", \"Remember to listen to the other person. Express what you need but don’t discount the other person.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,551 | How to Be Assertive Without Being Arrogant | 1. Laying the Groundwork for Assertiveness
1-1. Compare assertive and passive behavior.
Assertiveness is not the same as arrogance. A passive person often allows his/her own rights to be violated by agreeing to things even when s/he does not want to do them, refusing to make her/his own decisions, being overly self-effacing, and refusing to communicate about thoughts and feelings honestly. An assertive person is not afraid to say “no” to inappropriate or unfeasible requests and is confident in appropriately expressing her/his feelings, needs, and reactions to others.
Assertive individuals do not allow their own rights to be violated, and they do not violate others’ rights or feelings in order to express their own. Assertive individuals feel a strong sense of internal confidence (i.e., a feeling that you are acting according to your personal values and that you are doing your best).
Assertiveness enhances emotional honesty, directness with others, and interpersonal relationships. If you do not stand up for yourself or you rely on others to make all of your decisions, your interpersonal relationships are not as likely to be satisfying. Non-assertive individuals generally experience lower levels of well-being and emotional security.
1-2. Recognize assertive behaviors.
Assertive behavior is as much about how you say something as what you say. Assertiveness does not mean hurting or belittling another person; instead, it is about expressing your own right to have thoughts, needs, and feelings. The following are some examples of assertive behavior:
Expressing your feelings clearly.
Telling others of your needs in a non-threatening manner.
Avoiding name-calling, swearing, and other inappropriate expressions
Communicating honestly and directly
Recognizing others’ rights in communication
Using cooperative statements and seeking others’ opinions
An example of assertive behavior would be to tell the person who cut in front of you in line at the store in a calm voice, “I was next in line. I don’t appreciate that you cut in line like that.”
If the situation were reversed and you accidentally cut in line, an assertive behavior would be to accept responsibility and apologize: “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you standing in line. I’ll go behind you.” Asserting responsibility doesn’t mean you have to grovel or demean yourself, just that you recognize others’ needs as well as your own.
1-3. Remember that assertiveness is a practiced skill.
While some people seem born more confident than others, communicating assertively and appropriately is a skill that requires time and practice to develop. This is especially true for women, who often face social and cultural pressures to refrain from using assertive behaviors and communication.
Apologizing and taking responsibility is a healthy, helpful response to a failure to communicate appropriately. This helps keep the door open for future communication.
1-4. Acknowledge that you have rights.
Social and cultural pressures may encourage you to believe that you don’t have the right to say “no” in certain circumstances, such as at work or with friends. If you are a woman, you may face social stigma if you behave assertively, such as being called “shrill,” “pushy,” or “angry” . However, it is important to recognize that nobody deserves to feel worthless or intimidated. You have the right to have needs, thoughts, and feelings, and the right to express them appropriately.
1-5. Recognize where you need to make changes.
If you routinely feel pressured into agreeing to things at work or with friends, or if you feel depressed and powerless in your interactions with others, you probably need to work on your assertiveness in those areas. Remember that passivity isn’t actually doing anyone a favor; it can make you feel unappreciated or overlooked, and it isn’t honest with others.
Try keeping a journal of times when you feel intimidated, coerced, pressured, passive, or timid. This can help you determine what areas pose the greatest problems for you, and where you should focus your assertiveness training.
1-6. Ask for help.
If you know you have a problem responding assertively to situations, it’s a good idea to ask for help from someone you trust. This could be a friend, a partner, a boss, or a counselor. Describe the situation and the problem as specifically as possible, and then describe the changes you’d like to make in your behavior.
For example, if you know you have a problem agreeing to doing extra projects at work without compensation, you could talk to a trusted co-worker about strategies for you to assert yourself the next time you’re asked to take on extra work.
You can also practice your assertive responses with these trusted individuals before putting them into play in the problem situation. Rehearsing the situation will help you figure out how to approach the situation appropriately and may help alleviate anxiety.
1-7. Practice in low-stakes situations.
It takes time and practice to become a skilled assertive communicator, and it can be very anxiety-provoking for individuals who aren’t accustomed to asserting themselves. Try out your skills in situations where you can practice assertiveness safely and without too much weight attached to the interaction.
For example, if you routinely have difficulty asserting your preferences, the next time your order is taken incorrectly at a restaurant or coffee-shop, politely clarify the situation and ask that it be addressed: “I asked that my steak be cooked medium. This looks well-done. Would you please fix this?”
1-8. Check the context of situations.
Sometimes, passive or aggressive individuals may think you are being arrogant when you aren't. It's important to recognize when critiques represent a misinterpretation of your behavior, and when they might be valid. To respond to these critiques, try emphasizing that you want to cooperate and collaborate, not dominate.
Passive people might misinterpret assertiveness as rude because they are not used to speaking up for themselves. A passive person might see the direct, open style of assertive communication as different from how they behave and judge it incorrectly.
Individuals who are passive-aggressive express their thoughts and feelings indirectly, often by attempting to mask their real feelings and punishing others through withdrawal, sulking, etc. Passive-aggression is very damaging to relationships and communication. Because they are used to hiding their feelings and expressing them indirectly, passive-aggressive people might see the honesty about your feelings that comes with assertiveness as rude or hostile.
Aggressive people may be upset that assertive communicators stand up for themselves, rather than cowing to their demands. They may be accustomed to thinking of communication in terms of only what they want and need. They may even interpret assertive communication as hostile because they are used to valuing themselves more than others and expect others to treat them that way.
In some cases, others may judge your behavior incorrectly due to their own prejudices or perceptions. Racism and other forms of prejudice and bias may encourage people to judge your behavior by standards that are neither accurate nor helpful. For example, in American culture the pervasive, hurtful stereotype of the "angry black woman" might encourage some to interpret any assertive communication by African American women as aggression. Women in Western societies are often expected to be "nurturers," and may be judged harshly for being assertive communicators. Unfortunately, there is not a lot you can do to change others' minds if they are set.
Imbalances of power in situations can also foster misinterpretations. For example, if you are a manager of a team, it may be easier for the individuals working under you to view your actions as demanding and selfish, rather than assertive. Focus on collaboration, paying attention to others' feelings and needs, and encouraging others to express themselves. Being aware of those around you is a key way to keep your behavior assertive, rather than letting it lapse into aggression.
Focus on the steps for "healthy assertiveness" in part 2 to make sure that your behavior is assertive, rather than passive or aggressive.
2. Practicing Healthy Assertiveness
2-1. Be an active listener.
Letting people know your boundaries and feelings while at the same time allowing them space to talk, discuss, and open up about their feelings is important. Ask follow-up questions during conversations and use affirmations such as nodding, gestures, and agreements.
Look directly at the person who is speaking. You needn't stare at him or her, but you should try to maintain eye contact for about 70% of the time you are listening. This helps communicate to the speaker that you're interested and paying attention.
It can be easy to slip into thinking about what we will say in response to someone else's statement before the other person's even done talking. For example, if a friend is telling you about her awful day, you might begin to think about how you will tell her about your terrible day while she is still talking. Doing so means you are not focusing on the other person.
If you're having a hard time concentrating on what the other person is saying to you, try mentally repeating or summarizing what they're saying to you. This will force you to pay more attention.
When it is your turn to speak, try asking questions or using phrases to clarify what you heard. For example, if you have been listening to your partner explain something you did that frustrated him or her, you should clarify what you heard: "What I heard you say is _____. Is that right?" This helps keep you from jumping to conclusions or misinterpreting.
2-2. Be humble
Assertiveness and humility make a fine combination. An assertive person doesn't need to shout "Me, me, me, look what I did!" from the rooftops. It is perfectly healthy to accept praise for a job well done or remind others that you made a contribution, as long as this doesn’t become boastful or focused on belittling others to prop yourself up.
Showing humility doesn't mean that you are being weak or demeaning yourself. Celebrate your successes and congratulate yourself when you have done something well. Just don't put down others to lift yourself up.
For example, if someone tells you that you did a great job on a presentation, don't feel as though you should reply by saying something like "Oh, it was nothing." Such a response minimizes your true effort and accomplishment. Instead, try an assertive reply that acknowledges your own effort while staying humble: "Thank you! I worked really hard on it and had some great help."
2-3. Use “I” statements.
Statements that focus on what ‘’you’’ are feeling, thinking, or experiencing communicate your needs without blaming others or “mind-reading” (assuming that you know what others are thinking or experiencing). You can state feelings, such as “I like ___” and “I don’t want to ___,” as well as offer constructive criticism, such as “I feel irritated when you ___.”
For example, if your colleague forgot a lunch date with you, don’t assume it’s because she doesn’t care. Instead, offer an “I” statement and follow it up with an invitation for her to share her experience: “I felt hurt when you didn’t make it to lunch. What happened?”
Express your feelings as they really are. If you have been invited to an office function and you really don’t want to go, don’t say something like “Oh, I guess I’ll go, but it’s not really my thing.” Instead, say “I really don’t enjoy large crowds. I’d prefer not to go.”
2-4. Avoid using “should” or “ought.”
Using words such as “should” or “ought” places a moral judgment on behavior and can feel blaming or demanding. These words are known as “categorical imperatives” and can create feelings of anger and guilt in others (or in yourself, if you’re directing the statement to yourself).
For example, instead of saying something like “You should remember to take out the trash when you’re supposed to” to your child, try saying “It is important for you to take out the trash when it is your turn.”
Try substituting “I prefer” or “I would like you to” for “should” statements.
2-5. Use an even, relaxed tone of voice.
Avoid shouting or yelling, as these are disruptive behaviors that can cause discomfort for others and may prevent your point from being heard. Rather than raising your voice, speak in an even, calm tone of voice that sounds relaxed.
2-6. Invite others to share their thoughts and experiences.
Don’t assume that you know what’s going on in a situation, or that you know best how to handle it. Instead, invite others into the conversation using cooperative phrases such as “What do you think?” or “Do you have any suggestions regarding ___?”
This is particularly important if you are offering constructive criticism or sharing a negative feeling. Asking the other person to share their feelings and thoughts makes them feel as though they are important to you.
For example, if you have a friend who repeatedly cancels plans with you at the last minute, tell her how you feel and then invite her to share her experiences with you: “When we make plans and you cancel at the last minute, I feel frustrated because it’s too late to make other plans for myself. I also sometimes feel as though you don’t want to spend time with me. Is there something going on?”
2-7. Avoid blaming others.
Blaming others for our own flaws and mistakes is incredibly damaging to communication. Criticizing others for their own shortcomings in blaming language, especially language that generalizes, such as “You always forget to pick me up!” or “You’re such a slob!” gets in the way of productive dialogue.
For example, if your employee forgot to file an important report, don’t heap on the blame and negative language; chances are, s/he already feels bad about forgetting. Instead, focus assertively on what s/he can do differently in the future: “I noticed that you forgot to file that report. When I have deadlines, I set a reminder in my calendar so that I don’t forget them. Do you think that would help you?”
2-8. Distinguish between fact and opinion.
If you and another person disagree on something, don’t try to battle over who is “right.” This is especially true of situations where there is usually no “right” answer, such as an incident that hurt someone’s feelings. Using phrases such as “My experience is different” will help make room for everyone’s experience.
For example, imagine that your partner comes to you and says that you hurt his or her feelings during an earlier conversation. Instead of immediately replying "I didn't mean to" or using other defensive language, first acknowledge that s/he felt the way s/he says. For example: "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I really didn't mean to, and I will work on not saying things that way again."
As another example, remember that people have many ways of approaching life. Just because they are different from yours does not mean they are wrong. For example, imagine that your colleague is approaching a project in a way that you don't think is the most efficient. An example of aggressive communication could look like this: "That's a dumb way to do that" or "Who does it that way?"
Instead, if it is your place -- e.g., you are in charge of the project, you are the other person's boss -- communicate your concerns about the efficiency assertively. "I see that you're tackling the project in X way. I have some experience with these projects, and I've found that Y way usually gets it done faster with better results. What would you think of trying it this way?"
Keep in mind that it is often not your place to correct others. It's usually a good idea to refrain from imposing your opinions on others.
2-9. Be willing to explore options.
Compromise is often both necessary and useful in interactions with others. Rather than adhering rigidly to your own view of or plan for a situation, express your willingness to explore other solutions to a problem. You can be assertive with your ideas and also invite others to share their own. This increases the likelihood of others feeling included and worthwhile. Others may also be more willing to collaborate than simply follow orders.
For example, if you and your partner find that you’re having the same fight over and over again, ask her/him: “What can we do to help us both overcome this issue?”
2-10. Make statements clearly and sincerely.
Even when you’re frustrated, avoid using sarcasm or condescension, as these are hurtful and derail communication. Instead, make clear, sincere statements about your thoughts and needs.
For example, if you have a friend who is routinely late when you go out together, clearly express how this makes you feel without being sarcastic. A poor response would be: “Oh, wow, what a surprise. At least you’re only missing the first half of dinner this time.”
Instead, try something like this: “When we make plans and you don’t arrive on time, I feel as though our time together isn’t a priority for you. I would enjoy our outings more if you arrived on time when we’ve planned to do something.”
2-11. Use assertive body language.
A lot of communication is non-verbal, and how you use your body will help set the tone for your interactions with others. You can use body language to set others at ease and to communicate what you’re feeling. Examples of assertive body language include:
Direct eye contact. Aim for the 50/70 rule: maintain eye contact for at least 50% of the time while you’re speaking, and 70% of the time while the other person is speaking and you’re listening.
Relaxed, smooth movements. Assertive body language isn’t tense, shut-down or withdrawn; it moves steadily and smoothly. Avoid gestures such as pointing; use an open palm instead. Try not to fidget.
Open posture. Stand with your shoulders back and your body turned towards whomever you’re interacting with. Distribute your weight evenly rather than pressing your weight onto one leg. Keep your feet between 4-6” apart, and don’t cross your legs.
Relaxed jaw and mouth. Pressing your lips together tightly or clenching your jaw communicates tension, uneasiness, or aggression. Keep your mouth and jaw relaxed and use facial expressions to convey your emotions (smiling when happy, frowning when upset, etc.)
3. Avoiding Arrogance
3-1. Compare arrogance to assertiveness.
While assertiveness is a way of standing up for your own thoughts and needs, arrogance is an aggressive, overbearing way of thinking and behaving that violates others’ rights and demeans others in order to build up one person. While arrogant individuals do express their ideas and needs, they do so at the expense of others. Arrogant individuals tend not to accept personal responsibility for flaws or mistakes.
Arrogant individuals often have a very external sense of confidence (i.e., they base their opinions of themselves on how others think of them). While this type of confidence isn’t negative on its own, it can cause arrogant individuals to prioritize their own self-worth over the feelings of others.
Arrogance is a form of aggression that often makes others feel extremely uncomfortable, even upset or torn-down, after interacting with the arrogant person. If they feel threatened or arrogant, arrogant people will usually attack or blame others.
3-2. Recognize arrogant behaviors.
Arrogant behavior also expresses thoughts, needs, and feelings, but it does so in a way that disrespects and/or demeans others. While the main idea of an arrogant statement could be the same as an assertive statement -- for example, “I don’t want to do that” -- arrogant behavior does not communicate empathy or responsibility. Here are some examples of arrogant behavior:
Using inappropriate language towards others
Making others feel small or worthless
Using a sarcastic or condescending tone
Using threats
Emphasizing blame
Attacking others
Protecting oneself with no concern for others
An example of arrogant behavior would be to yell inappropriate names or language at the person who cut in line in front of you at the store. Another example might be telling that person that they are stupid and threatening them if you see them again.
If the situation were reversed and you accidentally cut in line, an arrogant behavior would be to shift the blame to the other person or use a condescending tone: “Well, if you didn’t want me to cut in front you should have made it more clear that you were in line.”
3-3. Don’t belittle or demean the other person.
Putting down or belittling the other person will shut down productive communication. Even if they have made a mistake or hurt you, avoid using insults or demeaning language.
For example, an arrogant communication with your roommate would be: “You’re such a pig! Why can’t you keep this place clean?” An assertive communication would be: “What you do with your personal space is your own business, but I would like for you to work to keep our shared space neat and organized.”
3-4. Listen to the other person’s viewpoint.
Arrogant individuals are committed to making a situation all about themselves: how they feel, how they think, how they experience a situation. Avoid arrogance by listening to others when they talk about their thoughts, needs, and feelings.
3-5. Avoid “you” statements.
“You” statements make claims that you may not be able to support. You can only talk with confidence and accuracy about the actual facts of a situation -- such as what time an appointment was set for -- and your personal feelings and experiences. Use “I” statements whenever possible, and talk about the facts of a situation rather than making statements about the other person’s intention.
For example, avoid blaming language such as "You're making me so angry!" Use “I”-focused statements instead, such as “I’m feeling frustrated right now."
3-6. Don’t threaten the other person.
Threats and intimidation have no place in assertive communication, but they happen frequently in arrogant communication. Your goal as an assertive communicator should be to make others feel at ease because they know you will be honest with them. Threats and intimidation scare and upset others, and they kill fruitful communication.
Threatening language often includes blame. For example, if you have asked your team a question and nobody has responded, an aggressive response could be, "Do you even understand the question?" Instead of offering blame and threats, reword the question: "Have I explained this concept clearly?"
3-7. Avoid using inappropriate language.
In addition to the obvious suspects, such as swearing, insults, and name-calling, you should also try to avoid generalizing or totalizing language. This language often shows up as “always” or “never” statements or generalizations about another person’s intentions.
For example, imagine that you have a co-worker who frequently forgets to pick you up for the carpool. An arrogant response might be if you tell him something like this: “You never remember to pick me up for the carpool, and it pisses me off. I don’t understand why you can’t remember this one simple thing.” An assertive response would be more like this: ”In the past week you’ve forgotten to pick me up for the carpool twice. I feel frustrated and anxious when you forget me because I worry that I’ll be late for work. Will you try harder to remember to pick me up? If not, I will need to make other arrangements.”
3-8. Avoid aggressive body language.
Aggressive body language sends as much of a message as the words you choose. To avoid coming across as arrogant, keep an eye on your body language and avoid using the following:
Violating personal space. The “three-foot rule” applies in most public and office situations. Don’t get closer than that unless you’re invited, such as when you’re on a date or asked to help someone.
Aggressive gestures. Pointing and fist clenching are big culprits here.
Crossed arms. While crossed legs signal a lack of confidence, crossed arms suggest a person who is closed to communication.
Clenched or set jaws. If you push your jaw too far forward or clench it, you may come across as arrogant or hostile.
Taking up a lot of space. This is more common in men than women, but body language that takes up unnecessary space can come across as arrogant, rather than confident. It’s fine to take as much space as you need to feel comfortable, but don’t infringe on others.
Tips
While the openness and respect for others in assertive communication often produces excellent results, you will occasionally meet people who refuse to co-operate with you no matter what approach you take. You can only control your own behavior, so stick with your polite assertiveness and try to ignore the other person's troublemaking.
Arrogance includes feelings of superiority, elitism, snobbery, or smugness. If you are experiencing any of these, you risk being rude to other people rather than making a genuine connection through assertive communication and active listening. Even the most practiced assertive communicators can have a weak moment when they fall by the wayside and need to rechart their course; no shame in that, just do it.
If you're not making the progress you'd like to see, you may want to consider formal assertiveness training. Many counselors and therapists offer this, and often so do community health providers.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:20",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Laying the Groundwork for Assertiveness\\n1-1. Compare assertive and passive behavior.\\nAssertiveness is not the same as arrogance. A passive person often allows his/her own rights to be violated by agreeing to things even when s/he does not want to do them, refusing to make her/his own decisions, being overly self-effacing, and refusing to communicate about thoughts and feelings honestly. An assertive person is not afraid to say “no” to inappropriate or unfeasible requests and is confident in appropriately expressing her/his feelings, needs, and reactions to others.\\nAssertive individuals do not allow their own rights to be violated, and they do not violate others’ rights or feelings in order to express their own. Assertive individuals feel a strong sense of internal confidence (i.e., a feeling that you are acting according to your personal values and that you are doing your best).\\nAssertiveness enhances emotional honesty, directness with others, and interpersonal relationships. If you do not stand up for yourself or you rely on others to make all of your decisions, your interpersonal relationships are not as likely to be satisfying. Non-assertive individuals generally experience lower levels of well-being and emotional security.\\n1-2. Recognize assertive behaviors.\\nAssertive behavior is as much about how you say something as what you say. Assertiveness does not mean hurting or belittling another person; instead, it is about expressing your own right to have thoughts, needs, and feelings. The following are some examples of assertive behavior:\\nExpressing your feelings clearly.\\nTelling others of your needs in a non-threatening manner.\\nAvoiding name-calling, swearing, and other inappropriate expressions\\nCommunicating honestly and directly\\nRecognizing others’ rights in communication\\nUsing cooperative statements and seeking others’ opinions\\nAn example of assertive behavior would be to tell the person who cut in front of you in line at the store in a calm voice, “I was next in line. I don’t appreciate that you cut in line like that.”\\nIf the situation were reversed and you accidentally cut in line, an assertive behavior would be to accept responsibility and apologize: “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you standing in line. I’ll go behind you.” Asserting responsibility doesn’t mean you have to grovel or demean yourself, just that you recognize others’ needs as well as your own.\\n1-3. Remember that assertiveness is a practiced skill.\\nWhile some people seem born more confident than others, communicating assertively and appropriately is a skill that requires time and practice to develop. This is especially true for women, who often face social and cultural pressures to refrain from using assertive behaviors and communication.\\n Apologizing and taking responsibility is a healthy, helpful response to a failure to communicate appropriately. This helps keep the door open for future communication.\\n1-4. Acknowledge that you have rights.\\nSocial and cultural pressures may encourage you to believe that you don’t have the right to say “no” in certain circumstances, such as at work or with friends. If you are a woman, you may face social stigma if you behave assertively, such as being called “shrill,” “pushy,” or “angry” . However, it is important to recognize that nobody deserves to feel worthless or intimidated. You have the right to have needs, thoughts, and feelings, and the right to express them appropriately.\\n1-5. Recognize where you need to make changes.\\nIf you routinely feel pressured into agreeing to things at work or with friends, or if you feel depressed and powerless in your interactions with others, you probably need to work on your assertiveness in those areas. Remember that passivity isn’t actually doing anyone a favor; it can make you feel unappreciated or overlooked, and it isn’t honest with others.\\nTry keeping a journal of times when you feel intimidated, coerced, pressured, passive, or timid. This can help you determine what areas pose the greatest problems for you, and where you should focus your assertiveness training.\\n1-6. Ask for help.\\nIf you know you have a problem responding assertively to situations, it’s a good idea to ask for help from someone you trust. This could be a friend, a partner, a boss, or a counselor. Describe the situation and the problem as specifically as possible, and then describe the changes you’d like to make in your behavior.\\nFor example, if you know you have a problem agreeing to doing extra projects at work without compensation, you could talk to a trusted co-worker about strategies for you to assert yourself the next time you’re asked to take on extra work.\\nYou can also practice your assertive responses with these trusted individuals before putting them into play in the problem situation. Rehearsing the situation will help you figure out how to approach the situation appropriately and may help alleviate anxiety.\\n1-7. Practice in low-stakes situations.\\nIt takes time and practice to become a skilled assertive communicator, and it can be very anxiety-provoking for individuals who aren’t accustomed to asserting themselves. Try out your skills in situations where you can practice assertiveness safely and without too much weight attached to the interaction.\\nFor example, if you routinely have difficulty asserting your preferences, the next time your order is taken incorrectly at a restaurant or coffee-shop, politely clarify the situation and ask that it be addressed: “I asked that my steak be cooked medium. This looks well-done. Would you please fix this?”\\n1-8. Check the context of situations.\\nSometimes, passive or aggressive individuals may think you are being arrogant when you aren't. It's important to recognize when critiques represent a misinterpretation of your behavior, and when they might be valid. To respond to these critiques, try emphasizing that you want to cooperate and collaborate, not dominate.\\nPassive people might misinterpret assertiveness as rude because they are not used to speaking up for themselves. A passive person might see the direct, open style of assertive communication as different from how they behave and judge it incorrectly.\\nIndividuals who are passive-aggressive express their thoughts and feelings indirectly, often by attempting to mask their real feelings and punishing others through withdrawal, sulking, etc. Passive-aggression is very damaging to relationships and communication. Because they are used to hiding their feelings and expressing them indirectly, passive-aggressive people might see the honesty about your feelings that comes with assertiveness as rude or hostile.\\nAggressive people may be upset that assertive communicators stand up for themselves, rather than cowing to their demands. They may be accustomed to thinking of communication in terms of only what they want and need. They may even interpret assertive communication as hostile because they are used to valuing themselves more than others and expect others to treat them that way.\\nIn some cases, others may judge your behavior incorrectly due to their own prejudices or perceptions. Racism and other forms of prejudice and bias may encourage people to judge your behavior by standards that are neither accurate nor helpful. For example, in American culture the pervasive, hurtful stereotype of the \\\"angry black woman\\\" might encourage some to interpret any assertive communication by African American women as aggression. Women in Western societies are often expected to be \\\"nurturers,\\\" and may be judged harshly for being assertive communicators. Unfortunately, there is not a lot you can do to change others' minds if they are set.\\nImbalances of power in situations can also foster misinterpretations. For example, if you are a manager of a team, it may be easier for the individuals working under you to view your actions as demanding and selfish, rather than assertive. Focus on collaboration, paying attention to others' feelings and needs, and encouraging others to express themselves. Being aware of those around you is a key way to keep your behavior assertive, rather than letting it lapse into aggression.\\nFocus on the steps for \\\"healthy assertiveness\\\" in part 2 to make sure that your behavior is assertive, rather than passive or aggressive.\\n2. Practicing Healthy Assertiveness\\n2-1. Be an active listener.\\nLetting people know your boundaries and feelings while at the same time allowing them space to talk, discuss, and open up about their feelings is important. Ask follow-up questions during conversations and use affirmations such as nodding, gestures, and agreements.\\nLook directly at the person who is speaking. You needn't stare at him or her, but you should try to maintain eye contact for about 70% of the time you are listening. This helps communicate to the speaker that you're interested and paying attention.\\nIt can be easy to slip into thinking about what we will say in response to someone else's statement before the other person's even done talking. For example, if a friend is telling you about her awful day, you might begin to think about how you will tell her about your terrible day while she is still talking. Doing so means you are not focusing on the other person.\\nIf you're having a hard time concentrating on what the other person is saying to you, try mentally repeating or summarizing what they're saying to you. This will force you to pay more attention.\\nWhen it is your turn to speak, try asking questions or using phrases to clarify what you heard. For example, if you have been listening to your partner explain something you did that frustrated him or her, you should clarify what you heard: \\\"What I heard you say is _____. Is that right?\\\" This helps keep you from jumping to conclusions or misinterpreting.\\n2-2. Be humble\\nAssertiveness and humility make a fine combination. An assertive person doesn't need to shout \\\"Me, me, me, look what I did!\\\" from the rooftops. It is perfectly healthy to accept praise for a job well done or remind others that you made a contribution, as long as this doesn’t become boastful or focused on belittling others to prop yourself up.\\nShowing humility doesn't mean that you are being weak or demeaning yourself. Celebrate your successes and congratulate yourself when you have done something well. Just don't put down others to lift yourself up.\\nFor example, if someone tells you that you did a great job on a presentation, don't feel as though you should reply by saying something like \\\"Oh, it was nothing.\\\" Such a response minimizes your true effort and accomplishment. Instead, try an assertive reply that acknowledges your own effort while staying humble: \\\"Thank you! I worked really hard on it and had some great help.\\\"\\n2-3. Use “I” statements.\\nStatements that focus on what ‘’you’’ are feeling, thinking, or experiencing communicate your needs without blaming others or “mind-reading” (assuming that you know what others are thinking or experiencing). You can state feelings, such as “I like ___” and “I don’t want to ___,” as well as offer constructive criticism, such as “I feel irritated when you ___.”\\nFor example, if your colleague forgot a lunch date with you, don’t assume it’s because she doesn’t care. Instead, offer an “I” statement and follow it up with an invitation for her to share her experience: “I felt hurt when you didn’t make it to lunch. What happened?”\\nExpress your feelings as they really are. If you have been invited to an office function and you really don’t want to go, don’t say something like “Oh, I guess I’ll go, but it’s not really my thing.” Instead, say “I really don’t enjoy large crowds. I’d prefer not to go.”\\n2-4. Avoid using “should” or “ought.”\\nUsing words such as “should” or “ought” places a moral judgment on behavior and can feel blaming or demanding. These words are known as “categorical imperatives” and can create feelings of anger and guilt in others (or in yourself, if you’re directing the statement to yourself).\\nFor example, instead of saying something like “You should remember to take out the trash when you’re supposed to” to your child, try saying “It is important for you to take out the trash when it is your turn.”\\nTry substituting “I prefer” or “I would like you to” for “should” statements.\\n2-5. Use an even, relaxed tone of voice.\\nAvoid shouting or yelling, as these are disruptive behaviors that can cause discomfort for others and may prevent your point from being heard. Rather than raising your voice, speak in an even, calm tone of voice that sounds relaxed.\\n2-6. Invite others to share their thoughts and experiences.\\nDon’t assume that you know what’s going on in a situation, or that you know best how to handle it. Instead, invite others into the conversation using cooperative phrases such as “What do you think?” or “Do you have any suggestions regarding ___?”\\nThis is particularly important if you are offering constructive criticism or sharing a negative feeling. Asking the other person to share their feelings and thoughts makes them feel as though they are important to you.\\nFor example, if you have a friend who repeatedly cancels plans with you at the last minute, tell her how you feel and then invite her to share her experiences with you: “When we make plans and you cancel at the last minute, I feel frustrated because it’s too late to make other plans for myself. I also sometimes feel as though you don’t want to spend time with me. Is there something going on?”\\n2-7. Avoid blaming others.\\nBlaming others for our own flaws and mistakes is incredibly damaging to communication. Criticizing others for their own shortcomings in blaming language, especially language that generalizes, such as “You always forget to pick me up!” or “You’re such a slob!” gets in the way of productive dialogue.\\nFor example, if your employee forgot to file an important report, don’t heap on the blame and negative language; chances are, s/he already feels bad about forgetting. Instead, focus assertively on what s/he can do differently in the future: “I noticed that you forgot to file that report. When I have deadlines, I set a reminder in my calendar so that I don’t forget them. Do you think that would help you?”\\n2-8. Distinguish between fact and opinion.\\nIf you and another person disagree on something, don’t try to battle over who is “right.” This is especially true of situations where there is usually no “right” answer, such as an incident that hurt someone’s feelings. Using phrases such as “My experience is different” will help make room for everyone’s experience.\\nFor example, imagine that your partner comes to you and says that you hurt his or her feelings during an earlier conversation. Instead of immediately replying \\\"I didn't mean to\\\" or using other defensive language, first acknowledge that s/he felt the way s/he says. For example: \\\"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I really didn't mean to, and I will work on not saying things that way again.\\\"\\nAs another example, remember that people have many ways of approaching life. Just because they are different from yours does not mean they are wrong. For example, imagine that your colleague is approaching a project in a way that you don't think is the most efficient. An example of aggressive communication could look like this: \\\"That's a dumb way to do that\\\" or \\\"Who does it that way?\\\"\\nInstead, if it is your place -- e.g., you are in charge of the project, you are the other person's boss -- communicate your concerns about the efficiency assertively. \\\"I see that you're tackling the project in X way. I have some experience with these projects, and I've found that Y way usually gets it done faster with better results. What would you think of trying it this way?\\\"\\nKeep in mind that it is often not your place to correct others. It's usually a good idea to refrain from imposing your opinions on others.\\n2-9. Be willing to explore options.\\nCompromise is often both necessary and useful in interactions with others. Rather than adhering rigidly to your own view of or plan for a situation, express your willingness to explore other solutions to a problem. You can be assertive with your ideas and also invite others to share their own. This increases the likelihood of others feeling included and worthwhile. Others may also be more willing to collaborate than simply follow orders.\\nFor example, if you and your partner find that you’re having the same fight over and over again, ask her/him: “What can we do to help us both overcome this issue?”\\n2-10. Make statements clearly and sincerely.\\nEven when you’re frustrated, avoid using sarcasm or condescension, as these are hurtful and derail communication. Instead, make clear, sincere statements about your thoughts and needs.\\nFor example, if you have a friend who is routinely late when you go out together, clearly express how this makes you feel without being sarcastic. A poor response would be: “Oh, wow, what a surprise. At least you’re only missing the first half of dinner this time.”\\nInstead, try something like this: “When we make plans and you don’t arrive on time, I feel as though our time together isn’t a priority for you. I would enjoy our outings more if you arrived on time when we’ve planned to do something.”\\n2-11. Use assertive body language.\\nA lot of communication is non-verbal, and how you use your body will help set the tone for your interactions with others. You can use body language to set others at ease and to communicate what you’re feeling. Examples of assertive body language include:\\nDirect eye contact. Aim for the 50/70 rule: maintain eye contact for at least 50% of the time while you’re speaking, and 70% of the time while the other person is speaking and you’re listening.\\nRelaxed, smooth movements. Assertive body language isn’t tense, shut-down or withdrawn; it moves steadily and smoothly. Avoid gestures such as pointing; use an open palm instead. Try not to fidget.\\nOpen posture. Stand with your shoulders back and your body turned towards whomever you’re interacting with. Distribute your weight evenly rather than pressing your weight onto one leg. Keep your feet between 4-6” apart, and don’t cross your legs.\\nRelaxed jaw and mouth. Pressing your lips together tightly or clenching your jaw communicates tension, uneasiness, or aggression. Keep your mouth and jaw relaxed and use facial expressions to convey your emotions (smiling when happy, frowning when upset, etc.)\\n3. Avoiding Arrogance\\n3-1. Compare arrogance to assertiveness.\\nWhile assertiveness is a way of standing up for your own thoughts and needs, arrogance is an aggressive, overbearing way of thinking and behaving that violates others’ rights and demeans others in order to build up one person. While arrogant individuals do express their ideas and needs, they do so at the expense of others. Arrogant individuals tend not to accept personal responsibility for flaws or mistakes.\\nArrogant individuals often have a very external sense of confidence (i.e., they base their opinions of themselves on how others think of them). While this type of confidence isn’t negative on its own, it can cause arrogant individuals to prioritize their own self-worth over the feelings of others.\\nArrogance is a form of aggression that often makes others feel extremely uncomfortable, even upset or torn-down, after interacting with the arrogant person. If they feel threatened or arrogant, arrogant people will usually attack or blame others.\\n3-2. Recognize arrogant behaviors.\\nArrogant behavior also expresses thoughts, needs, and feelings, but it does so in a way that disrespects and/or demeans others. While the main idea of an arrogant statement could be the same as an assertive statement -- for example, “I don’t want to do that” -- arrogant behavior does not communicate empathy or responsibility. Here are some examples of arrogant behavior:\\nUsing inappropriate language towards others\\nMaking others feel small or worthless\\nUsing a sarcastic or condescending tone\\nUsing threats\\nEmphasizing blame\\nAttacking others\\nProtecting oneself with no concern for others\\nAn example of arrogant behavior would be to yell inappropriate names or language at the person who cut in line in front of you at the store. Another example might be telling that person that they are stupid and threatening them if you see them again.\\nIf the situation were reversed and you accidentally cut in line, an arrogant behavior would be to shift the blame to the other person or use a condescending tone: “Well, if you didn’t want me to cut in front you should have made it more clear that you were in line.”\\n3-3. Don’t belittle or demean the other person.\\nPutting down or belittling the other person will shut down productive communication. Even if they have made a mistake or hurt you, avoid using insults or demeaning language.\\nFor example, an arrogant communication with your roommate would be: “You’re such a pig! Why can’t you keep this place clean?” An assertive communication would be: “What you do with your personal space is your own business, but I would like for you to work to keep our shared space neat and organized.”\\n3-4. Listen to the other person’s viewpoint.\\nArrogant individuals are committed to making a situation all about themselves: how they feel, how they think, how they experience a situation. Avoid arrogance by listening to others when they talk about their thoughts, needs, and feelings.\\n3-5. Avoid “you” statements.\\n“You” statements make claims that you may not be able to support. You can only talk with confidence and accuracy about the actual facts of a situation -- such as what time an appointment was set for -- and your personal feelings and experiences. Use “I” statements whenever possible, and talk about the facts of a situation rather than making statements about the other person’s intention.\\nFor example, avoid blaming language such as \\\"You're making me so angry!\\\" Use “I”-focused statements instead, such as “I’m feeling frustrated right now.\\\"\\n3-6. Don’t threaten the other person.\\nThreats and intimidation have no place in assertive communication, but they happen frequently in arrogant communication. Your goal as an assertive communicator should be to make others feel at ease because they know you will be honest with them. Threats and intimidation scare and upset others, and they kill fruitful communication.\\nThreatening language often includes blame. For example, if you have asked your team a question and nobody has responded, an aggressive response could be, \\\"Do you even understand the question?\\\" Instead of offering blame and threats, reword the question: \\\"Have I explained this concept clearly?\\\"\\n3-7. Avoid using inappropriate language.\\nIn addition to the obvious suspects, such as swearing, insults, and name-calling, you should also try to avoid generalizing or totalizing language. This language often shows up as “always” or “never” statements or generalizations about another person’s intentions.\\nFor example, imagine that you have a co-worker who frequently forgets to pick you up for the carpool. An arrogant response might be if you tell him something like this: “You never remember to pick me up for the carpool, and it pisses me off. I don’t understand why you can’t remember this one simple thing.” An assertive response would be more like this: ”In the past week you’ve forgotten to pick me up for the carpool twice. I feel frustrated and anxious when you forget me because I worry that I’ll be late for work. Will you try harder to remember to pick me up? If not, I will need to make other arrangements.”\\n3-8. Avoid aggressive body language.\\nAggressive body language sends as much of a message as the words you choose. To avoid coming across as arrogant, keep an eye on your body language and avoid using the following:\\nViolating personal space. The “three-foot rule” applies in most public and office situations. Don’t get closer than that unless you’re invited, such as when you’re on a date or asked to help someone.\\nAggressive gestures. Pointing and fist clenching are big culprits here.\\nCrossed arms. While crossed legs signal a lack of confidence, crossed arms suggest a person who is closed to communication.\\nClenched or set jaws. If you push your jaw too far forward or clench it, you may come across as arrogant or hostile.\\nTaking up a lot of space. This is more common in men than women, but body language that takes up unnecessary space can come across as arrogant, rather than confident. It’s fine to take as much space as you need to feel comfortable, but don’t infringe on others.\\nTips\\nWhile the openness and respect for others in assertive communication often produces excellent results, you will occasionally meet people who refuse to co-operate with you no matter what approach you take. You can only control your own behavior, so stick with your polite assertiveness and try to ignore the other person's troublemaking.\\nArrogance includes feelings of superiority, elitism, snobbery, or smugness. If you are experiencing any of these, you risk being rude to other people rather than making a genuine connection through assertive communication and active listening. Even the most practiced assertive communicators can have a weak moment when they fall by the wayside and need to rechart their course; no shame in that, just do it.\\nIf you're not making the progress you'd like to see, you may want to consider formal assertiveness training. Many counselors and therapists offer this, and often so do community health providers.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Assertiveness communicates your needs in a way that is fair to both yourself and to others. Using an assertive communication style and assertive behaviors can help you feel more satisfied and fulfilled. It will also help you project confidence and help others feel relaxed and confident when they interact with you. While assertive communication can sometimes be misinterpreted as arrogant, selfish, or unhelpful, by learning how to establish clear boundaries and communicate your needs and ideas clearly and respectfully, you can enhance your relationships with others, whether they’re work colleagues, friends, or romantic partners.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Laying the Groundwork for Assertiveness\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Compare assertive and passive behavior.\", \"描述\": \"Assertiveness is not the same as arrogance. A passive person often allows his/her own rights to be violated by agreeing to things even when s/he does not want to do them, refusing to make her/his own decisions, being overly self-effacing, and refusing to communicate about thoughts and feelings honestly. An assertive person is not afraid to say “no” to inappropriate or unfeasible requests and is confident in appropriately expressing her/his feelings, needs, and reactions to others.\\nAssertive individuals do not allow their own rights to be violated, and they do not violate others’ rights or feelings in order to express their own. Assertive individuals feel a strong sense of internal confidence (i.e., a feeling that you are acting according to your personal values and that you are doing your best).\\nAssertiveness enhances emotional honesty, directness with others, and interpersonal relationships. If you do not stand up for yourself or you rely on others to make all of your decisions, your interpersonal relationships are not as likely to be satisfying. Non-assertive individuals generally experience lower levels of well-being and emotional security.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Recognize assertive behaviors.\", \"描述\": \"Assertive behavior is as much about how you say something as what you say. Assertiveness does not mean hurting or belittling another person; instead, it is about expressing your own right to have thoughts, needs, and feelings. The following are some examples of assertive behavior:\\nExpressing your feelings clearly.\\nTelling others of your needs in a non-threatening manner.\\nAvoiding name-calling, swearing, and other inappropriate expressions\\nCommunicating honestly and directly\\nRecognizing others’ rights in communication\\nUsing cooperative statements and seeking others’ opinions\\nAn example of assertive behavior would be to tell the person who cut in front of you in line at the store in a calm voice, “I was next in line. I don’t appreciate that you cut in line like that.”\\nIf the situation were reversed and you accidentally cut in line, an assertive behavior would be to accept responsibility and apologize: “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you standing in line. I’ll go behind you.” Asserting responsibility doesn’t mean you have to grovel or demean yourself, just that you recognize others’ needs as well as your own.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Remember that assertiveness is a practiced skill.\", \"描述\": \"While some people seem born more confident than others, communicating assertively and appropriately is a skill that requires time and practice to develop. This is especially true for women, who often face social and cultural pressures to refrain from using assertive behaviors and communication.\\n Apologizing and taking responsibility is a healthy, helpful response to a failure to communicate appropriately. This helps keep the door open for future communication.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Acknowledge that you have rights.\", \"描述\": \"Social and cultural pressures may encourage you to believe that you don’t have the right to say “no” in certain circumstances, such as at work or with friends. If you are a woman, you may face social stigma if you behave assertively, such as being called “shrill,” “pushy,” or “angry” . However, it is important to recognize that nobody deserves to feel worthless or intimidated. You have the right to have needs, thoughts, and feelings, and the right to express them appropriately.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Recognize where you need to make changes.\", \"描述\": \"If you routinely feel pressured into agreeing to things at work or with friends, or if you feel depressed and powerless in your interactions with others, you probably need to work on your assertiveness in those areas. Remember that passivity isn’t actually doing anyone a favor; it can make you feel unappreciated or overlooked, and it isn’t honest with others.\\nTry keeping a journal of times when you feel intimidated, coerced, pressured, passive, or timid. This can help you determine what areas pose the greatest problems for you, and where you should focus your assertiveness training.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Ask for help.\", \"描述\": \"If you know you have a problem responding assertively to situations, it’s a good idea to ask for help from someone you trust. This could be a friend, a partner, a boss, or a counselor. Describe the situation and the problem as specifically as possible, and then describe the changes you’d like to make in your behavior.\\nFor example, if you know you have a problem agreeing to doing extra projects at work without compensation, you could talk to a trusted co-worker about strategies for you to assert yourself the next time you’re asked to take on extra work.\\nYou can also practice your assertive responses with these trusted individuals before putting them into play in the problem situation. Rehearsing the situation will help you figure out how to approach the situation appropriately and may help alleviate anxiety.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Practice in low-stakes situations.\", \"描述\": \"It takes time and practice to become a skilled assertive communicator, and it can be very anxiety-provoking for individuals who aren’t accustomed to asserting themselves. Try out your skills in situations where you can practice assertiveness safely and without too much weight attached to the interaction.\\nFor example, if you routinely have difficulty asserting your preferences, the next time your order is taken incorrectly at a restaurant or coffee-shop, politely clarify the situation and ask that it be addressed: “I asked that my steak be cooked medium. This looks well-done. Would you please fix this?”\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Check the context of situations.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes, passive or aggressive individuals may think you are being arrogant when you aren't. It's important to recognize when critiques represent a misinterpretation of your behavior, and when they might be valid. To respond to these critiques, try emphasizing that you want to cooperate and collaborate, not dominate.\\nPassive people might misinterpret assertiveness as rude because they are not used to speaking up for themselves. A passive person might see the direct, open style of assertive communication as different from how they behave and judge it incorrectly.\\nIndividuals who are passive-aggressive express their thoughts and feelings indirectly, often by attempting to mask their real feelings and punishing others through withdrawal, sulking, etc. Passive-aggression is very damaging to relationships and communication. Because they are used to hiding their feelings and expressing them indirectly, passive-aggressive people might see the honesty about your feelings that comes with assertiveness as rude or hostile.\\nAggressive people may be upset that assertive communicators stand up for themselves, rather than cowing to their demands. They may be accustomed to thinking of communication in terms of only what they want and need. They may even interpret assertive communication as hostile because they are used to valuing themselves more than others and expect others to treat them that way.\\nIn some cases, others may judge your behavior incorrectly due to their own prejudices or perceptions. Racism and other forms of prejudice and bias may encourage people to judge your behavior by standards that are neither accurate nor helpful. For example, in American culture the pervasive, hurtful stereotype of the \\\"angry black woman\\\" might encourage some to interpret any assertive communication by African American women as aggression. Women in Western societies are often expected to be \\\"nurturers,\\\" and may be judged harshly for being assertive communicators. Unfortunately, there is not a lot you can do to change others' minds if they are set.\\nImbalances of power in situations can also foster misinterpretations. For example, if you are a manager of a team, it may be easier for the individuals working under you to view your actions as demanding and selfish, rather than assertive. Focus on collaboration, paying attention to others' feelings and needs, and encouraging others to express themselves. Being aware of those around you is a key way to keep your behavior assertive, rather than letting it lapse into aggression.\\nFocus on the steps for \\\"healthy assertiveness\\\" in part 2 to make sure that your behavior is assertive, rather than passive or aggressive.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Practicing Healthy Assertiveness\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be an active listener.\", \"描述\": \"Letting people know your boundaries and feelings while at the same time allowing them space to talk, discuss, and open up about their feelings is important. Ask follow-up questions during conversations and use affirmations such as nodding, gestures, and agreements.\\nLook directly at the person who is speaking. You needn't stare at him or her, but you should try to maintain eye contact for about 70% of the time you are listening. This helps communicate to the speaker that you're interested and paying attention.\\nIt can be easy to slip into thinking about what we will say in response to someone else's statement before the other person's even done talking. For example, if a friend is telling you about her awful day, you might begin to think about how you will tell her about your terrible day while she is still talking. Doing so means you are not focusing on the other person.\\nIf you're having a hard time concentrating on what the other person is saying to you, try mentally repeating or summarizing what they're saying to you. This will force you to pay more attention.\\nWhen it is your turn to speak, try asking questions or using phrases to clarify what you heard. For example, if you have been listening to your partner explain something you did that frustrated him or her, you should clarify what you heard: \\\"What I heard you say is _____. Is that right?\\\" This helps keep you from jumping to conclusions or misinterpreting.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be humble\", \"描述\": \"Assertiveness and humility make a fine combination. An assertive person doesn't need to shout \\\"Me, me, me, look what I did!\\\" from the rooftops. It is perfectly healthy to accept praise for a job well done or remind others that you made a contribution, as long as this doesn’t become boastful or focused on belittling others to prop yourself up.\\nShowing humility doesn't mean that you are being weak or demeaning yourself. Celebrate your successes and congratulate yourself when you have done something well. Just don't put down others to lift yourself up.\\nFor example, if someone tells you that you did a great job on a presentation, don't feel as though you should reply by saying something like \\\"Oh, it was nothing.\\\" Such a response minimizes your true effort and accomplishment. Instead, try an assertive reply that acknowledges your own effort while staying humble: \\\"Thank you! I worked really hard on it and had some great help.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Use “I” statements.\", \"描述\": \"Statements that focus on what ‘’you’’ are feeling, thinking, or experiencing communicate your needs without blaming others or “mind-reading” (assuming that you know what others are thinking or experiencing). You can state feelings, such as “I like ___” and “I don’t want to ___,” as well as offer constructive criticism, such as “I feel irritated when you ___.”\\nFor example, if your colleague forgot a lunch date with you, don’t assume it’s because she doesn’t care. Instead, offer an “I” statement and follow it up with an invitation for her to share her experience: “I felt hurt when you didn’t make it to lunch. What happened?”\\nExpress your feelings as they really are. If you have been invited to an office function and you really don’t want to go, don’t say something like “Oh, I guess I’ll go, but it’s not really my thing.” Instead, say “I really don’t enjoy large crowds. I’d prefer not to go.”\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Avoid using “should” or “ought.”\", \"描述\": \"Using words such as “should” or “ought” places a moral judgment on behavior and can feel blaming or demanding. These words are known as “categorical imperatives” and can create feelings of anger and guilt in others (or in yourself, if you’re directing the statement to yourself).\\nFor example, instead of saying something like “You should remember to take out the trash when you’re supposed to” to your child, try saying “It is important for you to take out the trash when it is your turn.”\\nTry substituting “I prefer” or “I would like you to” for “should” statements.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Use an even, relaxed tone of voice.\", \"描述\": \"Avoid shouting or yelling, as these are disruptive behaviors that can cause discomfort for others and may prevent your point from being heard. Rather than raising your voice, speak in an even, calm tone of voice that sounds relaxed.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Invite others to share their thoughts and experiences.\", \"描述\": \"Don’t assume that you know what’s going on in a situation, or that you know best how to handle it. Instead, invite others into the conversation using cooperative phrases such as “What do you think?” or “Do you have any suggestions regarding ___?”\\nThis is particularly important if you are offering constructive criticism or sharing a negative feeling. Asking the other person to share their feelings and thoughts makes them feel as though they are important to you.\\nFor example, if you have a friend who repeatedly cancels plans with you at the last minute, tell her how you feel and then invite her to share her experiences with you: “When we make plans and you cancel at the last minute, I feel frustrated because it’s too late to make other plans for myself. I also sometimes feel as though you don’t want to spend time with me. Is there something going on?”\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Avoid blaming others.\", \"描述\": \"Blaming others for our own flaws and mistakes is incredibly damaging to communication. Criticizing others for their own shortcomings in blaming language, especially language that generalizes, such as “You always forget to pick me up!” or “You’re such a slob!” gets in the way of productive dialogue.\\nFor example, if your employee forgot to file an important report, don’t heap on the blame and negative language; chances are, s/he already feels bad about forgetting. Instead, focus assertively on what s/he can do differently in the future: “I noticed that you forgot to file that report. When I have deadlines, I set a reminder in my calendar so that I don’t forget them. Do you think that would help you?”\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Distinguish between fact and opinion.\", \"描述\": \"If you and another person disagree on something, don’t try to battle over who is “right.” This is especially true of situations where there is usually no “right” answer, such as an incident that hurt someone’s feelings. Using phrases such as “My experience is different” will help make room for everyone’s experience.\\nFor example, imagine that your partner comes to you and says that you hurt his or her feelings during an earlier conversation. Instead of immediately replying \\\"I didn't mean to\\\" or using other defensive language, first acknowledge that s/he felt the way s/he says. For example: \\\"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I really didn't mean to, and I will work on not saying things that way again.\\\"\\nAs another example, remember that people have many ways of approaching life. Just because they are different from yours does not mean they are wrong. For example, imagine that your colleague is approaching a project in a way that you don't think is the most efficient. An example of aggressive communication could look like this: \\\"That's a dumb way to do that\\\" or \\\"Who does it that way?\\\"\\nInstead, if it is your place -- e.g., you are in charge of the project, you are the other person's boss -- communicate your concerns about the efficiency assertively. \\\"I see that you're tackling the project in X way. I have some experience with these projects, and I've found that Y way usually gets it done faster with better results. What would you think of trying it this way?\\\"\\nKeep in mind that it is often not your place to correct others. It's usually a good idea to refrain from imposing your opinions on others.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Be willing to explore options.\", \"描述\": \"Compromise is often both necessary and useful in interactions with others. Rather than adhering rigidly to your own view of or plan for a situation, express your willingness to explore other solutions to a problem. You can be assertive with your ideas and also invite others to share their own. This increases the likelihood of others feeling included and worthwhile. Others may also be more willing to collaborate than simply follow orders.\\nFor example, if you and your partner find that you’re having the same fight over and over again, ask her/him: “What can we do to help us both overcome this issue?”\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Make statements clearly and sincerely.\", \"描述\": \"Even when you’re frustrated, avoid using sarcasm or condescension, as these are hurtful and derail communication. Instead, make clear, sincere statements about your thoughts and needs.\\nFor example, if you have a friend who is routinely late when you go out together, clearly express how this makes you feel without being sarcastic. A poor response would be: “Oh, wow, what a surprise. At least you’re only missing the first half of dinner this time.”\\nInstead, try something like this: “When we make plans and you don’t arrive on time, I feel as though our time together isn’t a priority for you. I would enjoy our outings more if you arrived on time when we’ve planned to do something.”\"}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Use assertive body language.\", \"描述\": \"A lot of communication is non-verbal, and how you use your body will help set the tone for your interactions with others. You can use body language to set others at ease and to communicate what you’re feeling. Examples of assertive body language include:\\nDirect eye contact. Aim for the 50/70 rule: maintain eye contact for at least 50% of the time while you’re speaking, and 70% of the time while the other person is speaking and you’re listening.\\nRelaxed, smooth movements. Assertive body language isn’t tense, shut-down or withdrawn; it moves steadily and smoothly. Avoid gestures such as pointing; use an open palm instead. Try not to fidget.\\nOpen posture. Stand with your shoulders back and your body turned towards whomever you’re interacting with. Distribute your weight evenly rather than pressing your weight onto one leg. Keep your feet between 4-6” apart, and don’t cross your legs.\\nRelaxed jaw and mouth. Pressing your lips together tightly or clenching your jaw communicates tension, uneasiness, or aggression. Keep your mouth and jaw relaxed and use facial expressions to convey your emotions (smiling when happy, frowning when upset, etc.)\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Avoiding Arrogance\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Compare arrogance to assertiveness.\", \"描述\": \"While assertiveness is a way of standing up for your own thoughts and needs, arrogance is an aggressive, overbearing way of thinking and behaving that violates others’ rights and demeans others in order to build up one person. While arrogant individuals do express their ideas and needs, they do so at the expense of others. Arrogant individuals tend not to accept personal responsibility for flaws or mistakes.\\nArrogant individuals often have a very external sense of confidence (i.e., they base their opinions of themselves on how others think of them). While this type of confidence isn’t negative on its own, it can cause arrogant individuals to prioritize their own self-worth over the feelings of others.\\nArrogance is a form of aggression that often makes others feel extremely uncomfortable, even upset or torn-down, after interacting with the arrogant person. If they feel threatened or arrogant, arrogant people will usually attack or blame others.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Recognize arrogant behaviors.\", \"描述\": \"Arrogant behavior also expresses thoughts, needs, and feelings, but it does so in a way that disrespects and/or demeans others. While the main idea of an arrogant statement could be the same as an assertive statement -- for example, “I don’t want to do that” -- arrogant behavior does not communicate empathy or responsibility. Here are some examples of arrogant behavior:\\nUsing inappropriate language towards others\\nMaking others feel small or worthless\\nUsing a sarcastic or condescending tone\\nUsing threats\\nEmphasizing blame\\nAttacking others\\nProtecting oneself with no concern for others\\nAn example of arrogant behavior would be to yell inappropriate names or language at the person who cut in line in front of you at the store. Another example might be telling that person that they are stupid and threatening them if you see them again.\\nIf the situation were reversed and you accidentally cut in line, an arrogant behavior would be to shift the blame to the other person or use a condescending tone: “Well, if you didn’t want me to cut in front you should have made it more clear that you were in line.”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Don’t belittle or demean the other person.\", \"描述\": \"Putting down or belittling the other person will shut down productive communication. Even if they have made a mistake or hurt you, avoid using insults or demeaning language.\\nFor example, an arrogant communication with your roommate would be: “You’re such a pig! Why can’t you keep this place clean?” An assertive communication would be: “What you do with your personal space is your own business, but I would like for you to work to keep our shared space neat and organized.”\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Listen to the other person’s viewpoint.\", \"描述\": \"Arrogant individuals are committed to making a situation all about themselves: how they feel, how they think, how they experience a situation. Avoid arrogance by listening to others when they talk about their thoughts, needs, and feelings.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Avoid “you” statements.\", \"描述\": \"“You” statements make claims that you may not be able to support. You can only talk with confidence and accuracy about the actual facts of a situation -- such as what time an appointment was set for -- and your personal feelings and experiences. Use “I” statements whenever possible, and talk about the facts of a situation rather than making statements about the other person’s intention.\\nFor example, avoid blaming language such as \\\"You're making me so angry!\\\" Use “I”-focused statements instead, such as “I’m feeling frustrated right now.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Don’t threaten the other person.\", \"描述\": \"Threats and intimidation have no place in assertive communication, but they happen frequently in arrogant communication. Your goal as an assertive communicator should be to make others feel at ease because they know you will be honest with them. Threats and intimidation scare and upset others, and they kill fruitful communication.\\nThreatening language often includes blame. For example, if you have asked your team a question and nobody has responded, an aggressive response could be, \\\"Do you even understand the question?\\\" Instead of offering blame and threats, reword the question: \\\"Have I explained this concept clearly?\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Avoid using inappropriate language.\", \"描述\": \"In addition to the obvious suspects, such as swearing, insults, and name-calling, you should also try to avoid generalizing or totalizing language. This language often shows up as “always” or “never” statements or generalizations about another person’s intentions.\\nFor example, imagine that you have a co-worker who frequently forgets to pick you up for the carpool. An arrogant response might be if you tell him something like this: “You never remember to pick me up for the carpool, and it pisses me off. I don’t understand why you can’t remember this one simple thing.” An assertive response would be more like this: ”In the past week you’ve forgotten to pick me up for the carpool twice. I feel frustrated and anxious when you forget me because I worry that I’ll be late for work. Will you try harder to remember to pick me up? If not, I will need to make other arrangements.”\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Avoid aggressive body language.\", \"描述\": \"Aggressive body language sends as much of a message as the words you choose. To avoid coming across as arrogant, keep an eye on your body language and avoid using the following:\\nViolating personal space. The “three-foot rule” applies in most public and office situations. Don’t get closer than that unless you’re invited, such as when you’re on a date or asked to help someone.\\nAggressive gestures. Pointing and fist clenching are big culprits here.\\nCrossed arms. While crossed legs signal a lack of confidence, crossed arms suggest a person who is closed to communication.\\nClenched or set jaws. If you push your jaw too far forward or clench it, you may come across as arrogant or hostile.\\nTaking up a lot of space. This is more common in men than women, but body language that takes up unnecessary space can come across as arrogant, rather than confident. It’s fine to take as much space as you need to feel comfortable, but don’t infringe on others.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"While the openness and respect for others in assertive communication often produces excellent results, you will occasionally meet people who refuse to co-operate with you no matter what approach you take. You can only control your own behavior, so stick with your polite assertiveness and try to ignore the other person's troublemaking.\\n\", \"Arrogance includes feelings of superiority, elitism, snobbery, or smugness. If you are experiencing any of these, you risk being rude to other people rather than making a genuine connection through assertive communication and active listening. Even the most practiced assertive communicators can have a weak moment when they fall by the wayside and need to rechart their course; no shame in that, just do it.\\n\", \"If you're not making the progress you'd like to see, you may want to consider formal assertiveness training. Many counselors and therapists offer this, and often so do community health providers.\\n\"]}]}}",
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3,552 | How to Be Assertive Without Being Rude | 1. Communicating Assertively
1-1. Identify your needs and feelings.
Make a mental tally of when you don't feel like you're being treated with respect. Think about situations when you felt steamrolled. Then consider how you would like to be treated in these situations.
When you identify your needs and feelings, you can develop expectations for how you want to be treated in the future.
1-2. Have clear boundaries
Know what you're willing to do or what would mean you're going too far. If you know your boundaries, then you won't have to search for your boundaries in the middle of a stressful situation.
For example, if your brother often asks you for money, and you're not sure how to handle it, have an exact number in mind for how much you're willing to give. If you're not willing to give any more money, know that before you talk to him again and be ready to assert your boundaries.
1-3. Explain how you feel and what you need.
When you are assertive, you explain how you feel and what you need, without being rude or aggressive. These skills can help you stand up for yourself and still treat other people with respect. Convey your opinions, thoughts and feelings in a respectful manner. If you feel unsure about explaining your feelings, try writing them down first or practicing what you might say.
For example, perhaps you want a raise at work, but you haven't found a good way to speak up about it yet. The best outcome would be having the opportunity to make yourself heard and have your request for a raise accepted.
1-4. Be straightforward.
It can be difficult to simply tell someone what you want, especially if being nice is one of your stronger qualities. You may feel that it seems rude to actually say what you think. In reality, however, it isn't rude at all. Beating around the bush will make you seem passive or bendable. Project self-awareness and strength so you can get your way without having to argue.
Don't sugarcoat your position to make it seem more palatable. For example, if you want your aunt to stop dropping by unannounced, say something like "Aunt Ida, please start calling before you come over. That will give me time to prepare for your visit." Don't say, "Aunt Ida, would it be OK with you if you call me sometimes before you come over? But only if it's convenient for you, I don't really mind either way."
1-5. Don't apologize for your opinions or needs.
When you are assertive, you own your feelings and needs, and you feel justified in having them. Don't apologize for asking to get what you need.
1-6. Practice assertive nonverbal communication.
Communication happens both with words and with body language. The way you present your position will impact the way it's received. To have assertive nonverbal communication, practice some of these skills:
Maintain eye contact. (If you are neurodivergent and find eye contact difficult, look directly at the person's face instead.)
Stand or sit with good posture.
Speak with an appropriate tone and volume of voice.
Keep your body relaxed and calm.
1-7. Show appreciation for the other person.
When you communicate assertively, you also recognize the contributions of the other person. You can still ask for what you want, but you should acknowledge when the other person has made concessions or has conveyed their feelings. Otherwise, you may come across as disinterested and rude.
1-8. Manage your stress
When you are stressed, it's often the case that you feel you are not in control of a situation. This can influence the way you respond in a given situation. You might be more prone to respond aggressively or passively. Managing stress is integral to communicating assertively.
1-9. Choose an appropriate time to have a conversation.
If you're tired or hungry, wait until you've resolved those issues before embarking on a conversation. You might lose your cool more quickly and come across as rude if you're not feeling very good.
1-10. Practice and be patient.
Learning to be assertive takes time and practice. Start practicing your assertiveness techniques in small situations, such as telling your friend that you don't want to watch a certain movie. Build upon each experience and soon you will find yourself to be assertive in other situations too.
2. Trying Assertive Techniques
2-1. Try the broken record technique.
In this technique, calmly restate your feelings or need each time someone tries to argue or distract you. (For example, "Please stop making sexist jokes." "I don't find sexist jokes funny.") This is a way to stick to your principles without disrespecting the other person.
For example, you might try to return a damaged item to a store to get a refund. If the clerk tries to offer you other alternatives (fixing the item or telling you it's not damaged), keep repeating that you'd like a refund.
This technique is assertive rather than rude as it lets you make your point by stating clearly what you want in a non-offensive way. Body language and tone are important here. You don't want to yell or treat the other person badly. Your simple statement is power enough.
2-2. Try the fogging technique.
Use the phrase, “You might be right,” when someone tries to draw you into an argument. In this way, you acknowledge that the other person's views may have merit, but you remain confident in your position. Agreeing does not mean that you back down and change your mind.
For example, if someone says, “Your haircut looks stupid,” you can respond with, “You might be right.” They might continue: “Didn't you hear me? You look like a loser.” Respond by saying, “You might be right, but it will grow back.”
This technique is assertive rather than rude. Because you agree with the antagonizer, you take the wind out of their argument and keep the conversation from escalating. It's difficult for the other person to argue with you when you might agree with them. Additionally, saying “you 'might' be right” doesn't confirm that the bully is right, only that they might be. Everyone has a right to their own opinion.
2-3. Use I statements.
This is a common technique taught in almost every assertiveness training course. An I statement is when you begin a sentence with “I…” It is successful because it focuses on what you need without putting the other person in a corner. You allow the other person to think, feel and do what is best for them.
Using an I statement is an assertive technique rather than a rude one because you are taking responsibility for your feelings. You are not blaming the other person. “I” statements are a good way to open up communication so that the problem can be solved.
Sample I statements are: “I feel angry when you use sarcasm,” “I feel insulted when you put your desires ahead of mine,” or “I feel hurt when you talk to me like that.”
2-4. Try nonviolent communication to make polite requests with someone you trust.
Nonviolent communication means stating an observation, describing a need, and then seeking resolution. This offers a polite and nonjudgmental way to make requests of others. Here are some examples of requests using this format:
"I can hear you yelling and swearing into your headset. I have a video call with my boss in fifteen minutes and I need a quiet environment. Would you quiet down or play a less stressful video game, please?"
"Your alarm woke me up at 5 am and I couldn't fall back asleep. I need sleep to function and I'm having a difficult morning because of this. Can you please turn down the volume or work with me to find a solution that lets me sleep?"
"Yesterday, when you saw the mess in my room, you rolled your eyes and called me lazy. While I understand your frustration, I feel hurt when you call me names. In the future, can you please make requests of me without the name-calling?"
2-5. Try leading with an agreement or compliment.
Starting by acknowledging common ground or values can help. This assures the other person that you mean well and that you recognize their point of view. It sets the stage to tackle a problem together instead of from opposite sides.
"I know you want to look out for our daughter and help her have a good future. I'm concerned that she might be feeling too much academic pressure. I don't want her to risk burnout or poor mental health from overwork. Can you help me encourage her to seek a balance?"
"I know you care so much about the quality of your work. Your dedication is incredible. I'm letting you know about this issue because I know you can rise above it."
"That is an interesting article. I know you're trying to figure out the best way to protect our family's health and that it's hard to wade through all the rumors and misinformation online. But I noticed that the writer is being sued for allegedly poisoning people with their alternative medicine, so I'm not comfortable buying their product for our kids."
2-6. Be polite but firm.
Stay within the bounds of politeness while also expressing yourself. After saying what you need to say, listen to the other side. There's no need to raise your voice to be heard. There's more power (and politeness) in being calm and collected.
That said, avoid being too smiley or giggling after you say your piece. You can be polite without undermining yourself. Only lighten the mood in this way if it's appropriate for what you're talking about.
3. Recognizing the Difference Between Assertiveness and Rudeness
3-1. Understand what rudeness looks like.
Rudeness is an absence of respect for the other person, their feelings, their beliefs and their views. When someone is rude, they are more likely to be sarcastic, angry, abusive or bullying.
Rudeness also can include yelling, offensive language, threats, breaches of personal space, and intimidating gestures like blocking someone's exit or shoving them.
For example: Raj and Josh are waiting in line for concert tickets when a group of guys cuts in front of them. “Hey, we've been here all night. You can't cut in front of us,” says Raj. “Look, you little freak, I'm not moving so shut it,” yells one of the bullies as he puts his face in Raj's face and jabs his finger into Raj's chest for emphasis as he talks. The raised voice, insult, and intimidating body language are examples of disrespectful and abusive behavior.
3-2. Understand what it means to be assertive.
To be assertive is to “express yourself effectively and stand up for your point of view, while also respecting the rights and beliefs of others.” Assertiveness involves all of your communication skills, meaning your words, your actions, your body language and your voice tone and facial expressions. When a person communicates assertively, all of these elements are in harmony. Simply put, assertiveness is being confident without being aggressive.
3-3. Notice that assertive people keep their anger in check.
Sometimes you'll feel angry, and sometimes your anger will be very justified. An assertive person will speak up, being respectful while speaking powerfully as needed, whereas an aggressive person will lash out (with words or actions).
Assertive people critique the thoughts/behavior, not the individual. "It was very hurtful of you to make those racial comments to Mika" is different from "You're a racist pig."
3-4. Recognize respect for the other person.
Assertiveness is rooted in mutual respect. Without both parties respecting each other, you cannot communicate assertively. Instead, the dialogue is filled with aggression or passivity. When you have respect for the other person's feelings, you can get what you want without stepping on others' toes.
4. Recognizing Your Communication Style
4-1. Recognize an aggressive response.
Communication styles are learned from our earliest years so it might be difficult to tell what assertiveness looks like. If a child observes aggressive interactions, they will most likely adopt that style. Someone might respond aggressively to you when you get when you want. The other person is put on the defensive and feels intimidated. An aggressive response might look like this:
One person says, “Our guests will be arriving any minute. Do you think you could get me a clean shirt sometime this century?” The other person responds with, “I have to finish getting the food ready. Why don't you get off your lazy duff and get your own clean shirt?” Both people are communicating aggressively. Each is aiming to get what they need without regard for the other person.
4-2. Recognize a passive response.
When someone gets what they want out of a situation, this might leave you feeling resentful, angry or taken advantage of. If you respond passively, you won't stand up for your own needs. A passive response might look like this:
One person says, “Our guests will be arriving any minute. Do you think you could get me a clean shirt sometime this century?” The other person responds with, “Fine. I guess the food will just be late. Don't blame me if everyone complains.” The first person is still being aggressive and the second person responds passively. One gets what he wants while the other doesn't stand up for her needs.
4-3. Determine if you're using one-sided assertiveness.
Even if the other person is being aggressive or passive, respond with assertiveness. Assert your rights and feelings by telling the other person what you don't like. Tell the other person what you need.
One person might say, “Our guests will be arriving any minute. Do you think you could get me a clean shirt sometime this century?” The other person can respond assertively with: “The clean shirts are hanging in the closet. I need to finish getting the food ready.” Although the first person's request is still aggressive and sarcastic, the second person is able to respond assertively. She could further assert her rights and feelings by telling the first person that she doesn't like the sarcasm and that she would appreciate it if he would see that they are both busy getting ready for the party.
4-4. Recognize assertive responses.
In a mutually assertive situation, both you and the other person feel respected and heard. Even if you have learned to respond aggressively or passively, you can still learn to communicate assertively and respectfully.
One person says, “Our guests will be arriving any minute. Do I have any clean shirts?” The other person responds with, “Yes, there are several in the closet. I need about five more minutes with the food.” Both people address their needs while respecting those of the other.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:50:20",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Communicating Assertively\\n1-1. Identify your needs and feelings.\\nMake a mental tally of when you don't feel like you're being treated with respect. Think about situations when you felt steamrolled. Then consider how you would like to be treated in these situations. \\nWhen you identify your needs and feelings, you can develop expectations for how you want to be treated in the future.\\n1-2. Have clear boundaries\\nKnow what you're willing to do or what would mean you're going too far. If you know your boundaries, then you won't have to search for your boundaries in the middle of a stressful situation.\\nFor example, if your brother often asks you for money, and you're not sure how to handle it, have an exact number in mind for how much you're willing to give. If you're not willing to give any more money, know that before you talk to him again and be ready to assert your boundaries.\\n1-3. Explain how you feel and what you need.\\nWhen you are assertive, you explain how you feel and what you need, without being rude or aggressive. These skills can help you stand up for yourself and still treat other people with respect. Convey your opinions, thoughts and feelings in a respectful manner. If you feel unsure about explaining your feelings, try writing them down first or practicing what you might say.\\nFor example, perhaps you want a raise at work, but you haven't found a good way to speak up about it yet. The best outcome would be having the opportunity to make yourself heard and have your request for a raise accepted.\\n1-4. Be straightforward.\\nIt can be difficult to simply tell someone what you want, especially if being nice is one of your stronger qualities. You may feel that it seems rude to actually say what you think. In reality, however, it isn't rude at all. Beating around the bush will make you seem passive or bendable. Project self-awareness and strength so you can get your way without having to argue. \\nDon't sugarcoat your position to make it seem more palatable. For example, if you want your aunt to stop dropping by unannounced, say something like \\\"Aunt Ida, please start calling before you come over. That will give me time to prepare for your visit.\\\" Don't say, \\\"Aunt Ida, would it be OK with you if you call me sometimes before you come over? But only if it's convenient for you, I don't really mind either way.\\\"\\n1-5. Don't apologize for your opinions or needs.\\nWhen you are assertive, you own your feelings and needs, and you feel justified in having them. Don't apologize for asking to get what you need.\\n1-6. Practice assertive nonverbal communication.\\nCommunication happens both with words and with body language. The way you present your position will impact the way it's received. To have assertive nonverbal communication, practice some of these skills: \\nMaintain eye contact. (If you are neurodivergent and find eye contact difficult, look directly at the person's face instead.)\\nStand or sit with good posture.\\nSpeak with an appropriate tone and volume of voice.\\nKeep your body relaxed and calm.\\n1-7. Show appreciation for the other person.\\nWhen you communicate assertively, you also recognize the contributions of the other person. You can still ask for what you want, but you should acknowledge when the other person has made concessions or has conveyed their feelings. Otherwise, you may come across as disinterested and rude.\\n1-8. Manage your stress\\nWhen you are stressed, it's often the case that you feel you are not in control of a situation. This can influence the way you respond in a given situation. You might be more prone to respond aggressively or passively. Managing stress is integral to communicating assertively.\\n1-9. Choose an appropriate time to have a conversation.\\nIf you're tired or hungry, wait until you've resolved those issues before embarking on a conversation. You might lose your cool more quickly and come across as rude if you're not feeling very good.\\n1-10. Practice and be patient.\\nLearning to be assertive takes time and practice. Start practicing your assertiveness techniques in small situations, such as telling your friend that you don't want to watch a certain movie. Build upon each experience and soon you will find yourself to be assertive in other situations too.\\n2. Trying Assertive Techniques\\n2-1. Try the broken record technique.\\nIn this technique, calmly restate your feelings or need each time someone tries to argue or distract you. (For example, \\\"Please stop making sexist jokes.\\\" \\\"I don't find sexist jokes funny.\\\") This is a way to stick to your principles without disrespecting the other person.\\nFor example, you might try to return a damaged item to a store to get a refund. If the clerk tries to offer you other alternatives (fixing the item or telling you it's not damaged), keep repeating that you'd like a refund.\\nThis technique is assertive rather than rude as it lets you make your point by stating clearly what you want in a non-offensive way. Body language and tone are important here. You don't want to yell or treat the other person badly. Your simple statement is power enough.\\n2-2. Try the fogging technique.\\nUse the phrase, “You might be right,” when someone tries to draw you into an argument. In this way, you acknowledge that the other person's views may have merit, but you remain confident in your position. Agreeing does not mean that you back down and change your mind.\\nFor example, if someone says, “Your haircut looks stupid,” you can respond with, “You might be right.” They might continue: “Didn't you hear me? You look like a loser.” Respond by saying, “You might be right, but it will grow back.”\\nThis technique is assertive rather than rude. Because you agree with the antagonizer, you take the wind out of their argument and keep the conversation from escalating. It's difficult for the other person to argue with you when you might agree with them. Additionally, saying “you 'might' be right” doesn't confirm that the bully is right, only that they might be. Everyone has a right to their own opinion.\\n2-3. Use I statements.\\nThis is a common technique taught in almost every assertiveness training course. An I statement is when you begin a sentence with “I…” It is successful because it focuses on what you need without putting the other person in a corner. You allow the other person to think, feel and do what is best for them.\\nUsing an I statement is an assertive technique rather than a rude one because you are taking responsibility for your feelings. You are not blaming the other person. “I” statements are a good way to open up communication so that the problem can be solved.\\nSample I statements are: “I feel angry when you use sarcasm,” “I feel insulted when you put your desires ahead of mine,” or “I feel hurt when you talk to me like that.”\\n2-4. Try nonviolent communication to make polite requests with someone you trust.\\nNonviolent communication means stating an observation, describing a need, and then seeking resolution. This offers a polite and nonjudgmental way to make requests of others. Here are some examples of requests using this format: \\n\\\"I can hear you yelling and swearing into your headset. I have a video call with my boss in fifteen minutes and I need a quiet environment. Would you quiet down or play a less stressful video game, please?\\\"\\n\\\"Your alarm woke me up at 5 am and I couldn't fall back asleep. I need sleep to function and I'm having a difficult morning because of this. Can you please turn down the volume or work with me to find a solution that lets me sleep?\\\"\\n\\\"Yesterday, when you saw the mess in my room, you rolled your eyes and called me lazy. While I understand your frustration, I feel hurt when you call me names. In the future, can you please make requests of me without the name-calling?\\\"\\n2-5. Try leading with an agreement or compliment.\\nStarting by acknowledging common ground or values can help. This assures the other person that you mean well and that you recognize their point of view. It sets the stage to tackle a problem together instead of from opposite sides. \\n\\\"I know you want to look out for our daughter and help her have a good future. I'm concerned that she might be feeling too much academic pressure. I don't want her to risk burnout or poor mental health from overwork. Can you help me encourage her to seek a balance?\\\"\\n\\\"I know you care so much about the quality of your work. Your dedication is incredible. I'm letting you know about this issue because I know you can rise above it.\\\"\\n\\\"That is an interesting article. I know you're trying to figure out the best way to protect our family's health and that it's hard to wade through all the rumors and misinformation online. But I noticed that the writer is being sued for allegedly poisoning people with their alternative medicine, so I'm not comfortable buying their product for our kids.\\\"\\n2-6. Be polite but firm.\\nStay within the bounds of politeness while also expressing yourself. After saying what you need to say, listen to the other side. There's no need to raise your voice to be heard. There's more power (and politeness) in being calm and collected. \\nThat said, avoid being too smiley or giggling after you say your piece. You can be polite without undermining yourself. Only lighten the mood in this way if it's appropriate for what you're talking about.\\n3. Recognizing the Difference Between Assertiveness and Rudeness\\n3-1. Understand what rudeness looks like.\\nRudeness is an absence of respect for the other person, their feelings, their beliefs and their views. When someone is rude, they are more likely to be sarcastic, angry, abusive or bullying. \\nRudeness also can include yelling, offensive language, threats, breaches of personal space, and intimidating gestures like blocking someone's exit or shoving them.\\nFor example: Raj and Josh are waiting in line for concert tickets when a group of guys cuts in front of them. “Hey, we've been here all night. You can't cut in front of us,” says Raj. “Look, you little freak, I'm not moving so shut it,” yells one of the bullies as he puts his face in Raj's face and jabs his finger into Raj's chest for emphasis as he talks. The raised voice, insult, and intimidating body language are examples of disrespectful and abusive behavior.\\n3-2. Understand what it means to be assertive.\\nTo be assertive is to “express yourself effectively and stand up for your point of view, while also respecting the rights and beliefs of others.” Assertiveness involves all of your communication skills, meaning your words, your actions, your body language and your voice tone and facial expressions. When a person communicates assertively, all of these elements are in harmony. Simply put, assertiveness is being confident without being aggressive.\\n3-3. Notice that assertive people keep their anger in check.\\nSometimes you'll feel angry, and sometimes your anger will be very justified. An assertive person will speak up, being respectful while speaking powerfully as needed, whereas an aggressive person will lash out (with words or actions). \\nAssertive people critique the thoughts/behavior, not the individual. \\\"It was very hurtful of you to make those racial comments to Mika\\\" is different from \\\"You're a racist pig.\\\"\\n3-4. Recognize respect for the other person.\\nAssertiveness is rooted in mutual respect. Without both parties respecting each other, you cannot communicate assertively. Instead, the dialogue is filled with aggression or passivity. When you have respect for the other person's feelings, you can get what you want without stepping on others' toes.\\n4. Recognizing Your Communication Style\\n4-1. Recognize an aggressive response.\\nCommunication styles are learned from our earliest years so it might be difficult to tell what assertiveness looks like. If a child observes aggressive interactions, they will most likely adopt that style. Someone might respond aggressively to you when you get when you want. The other person is put on the defensive and feels intimidated. An aggressive response might look like this:\\nOne person says, “Our guests will be arriving any minute. Do you think you could get me a clean shirt sometime this century?” The other person responds with, “I have to finish getting the food ready. Why don't you get off your lazy duff and get your own clean shirt?” Both people are communicating aggressively. Each is aiming to get what they need without regard for the other person.\\n4-2. Recognize a passive response.\\nWhen someone gets what they want out of a situation, this might leave you feeling resentful, angry or taken advantage of. If you respond passively, you won't stand up for your own needs. A passive response might look like this:\\nOne person says, “Our guests will be arriving any minute. Do you think you could get me a clean shirt sometime this century?” The other person responds with, “Fine. I guess the food will just be late. Don't blame me if everyone complains.” The first person is still being aggressive and the second person responds passively. One gets what he wants while the other doesn't stand up for her needs.\\n4-3. Determine if you're using one-sided assertiveness.\\nEven if the other person is being aggressive or passive, respond with assertiveness. Assert your rights and feelings by telling the other person what you don't like. Tell the other person what you need. \\nOne person might say, “Our guests will be arriving any minute. Do you think you could get me a clean shirt sometime this century?” The other person can respond assertively with: “The clean shirts are hanging in the closet. I need to finish getting the food ready.” Although the first person's request is still aggressive and sarcastic, the second person is able to respond assertively. She could further assert her rights and feelings by telling the first person that she doesn't like the sarcasm and that she would appreciate it if he would see that they are both busy getting ready for the party.\\n4-4. Recognize assertive responses.\\nIn a mutually assertive situation, both you and the other person feel respected and heard. Even if you have learned to respond aggressively or passively, you can still learn to communicate assertively and respectfully.\\nOne person says, “Our guests will be arriving any minute. Do I have any clean shirts?” The other person responds with, “Yes, there are several in the closet. I need about five more minutes with the food.” Both people address their needs while respecting those of the other.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Assertiveness is a communication skill as well as a behavior. An assertive person expresses their thoughts and feelings in direct and appropriate ways. They also respect the thoughts, feelings and beliefs of other people. Knowing how to be assertive without being rude or aggressive is an important life skill.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Communicating Assertively\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Identify your needs and feelings.\", \"描述\": \"Make a mental tally of when you don't feel like you're being treated with respect. Think about situations when you felt steamrolled. Then consider how you would like to be treated in these situations. \\nWhen you identify your needs and feelings, you can develop expectations for how you want to be treated in the future.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Have clear boundaries\", \"描述\": \"Know what you're willing to do or what would mean you're going too far. If you know your boundaries, then you won't have to search for your boundaries in the middle of a stressful situation.\\nFor example, if your brother often asks you for money, and you're not sure how to handle it, have an exact number in mind for how much you're willing to give. If you're not willing to give any more money, know that before you talk to him again and be ready to assert your boundaries.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Explain how you feel and what you need.\", \"描述\": \"When you are assertive, you explain how you feel and what you need, without being rude or aggressive. These skills can help you stand up for yourself and still treat other people with respect. Convey your opinions, thoughts and feelings in a respectful manner. If you feel unsure about explaining your feelings, try writing them down first or practicing what you might say.\\nFor example, perhaps you want a raise at work, but you haven't found a good way to speak up about it yet. The best outcome would be having the opportunity to make yourself heard and have your request for a raise accepted.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be straightforward.\", \"描述\": \"It can be difficult to simply tell someone what you want, especially if being nice is one of your stronger qualities. You may feel that it seems rude to actually say what you think. In reality, however, it isn't rude at all. Beating around the bush will make you seem passive or bendable. Project self-awareness and strength so you can get your way without having to argue. \\nDon't sugarcoat your position to make it seem more palatable. For example, if you want your aunt to stop dropping by unannounced, say something like \\\"Aunt Ida, please start calling before you come over. That will give me time to prepare for your visit.\\\" Don't say, \\\"Aunt Ida, would it be OK with you if you call me sometimes before you come over? But only if it's convenient for you, I don't really mind either way.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Don't apologize for your opinions or needs.\", \"描述\": \"When you are assertive, you own your feelings and needs, and you feel justified in having them. Don't apologize for asking to get what you need.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Practice assertive nonverbal communication.\", \"描述\": \"Communication happens both with words and with body language. The way you present your position will impact the way it's received. To have assertive nonverbal communication, practice some of these skills: \\nMaintain eye contact. (If you are neurodivergent and find eye contact difficult, look directly at the person's face instead.)\\nStand or sit with good posture.\\nSpeak with an appropriate tone and volume of voice.\\nKeep your body relaxed and calm.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Show appreciation for the other person.\", \"描述\": \"When you communicate assertively, you also recognize the contributions of the other person. You can still ask for what you want, but you should acknowledge when the other person has made concessions or has conveyed their feelings. Otherwise, you may come across as disinterested and rude.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Manage your stress\", \"描述\": \"When you are stressed, it's often the case that you feel you are not in control of a situation. This can influence the way you respond in a given situation. You might be more prone to respond aggressively or passively. Managing stress is integral to communicating assertively.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Choose an appropriate time to have a conversation.\", \"描述\": \"If you're tired or hungry, wait until you've resolved those issues before embarking on a conversation. You might lose your cool more quickly and come across as rude if you're not feeling very good.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Practice and be patient.\", \"描述\": \"Learning to be assertive takes time and practice. Start practicing your assertiveness techniques in small situations, such as telling your friend that you don't want to watch a certain movie. Build upon each experience and soon you will find yourself to be assertive in other situations too.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Trying Assertive Techniques\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Try the broken record technique.\", \"描述\": \"In this technique, calmly restate your feelings or need each time someone tries to argue or distract you. (For example, \\\"Please stop making sexist jokes.\\\" \\\"I don't find sexist jokes funny.\\\") This is a way to stick to your principles without disrespecting the other person.\\nFor example, you might try to return a damaged item to a store to get a refund. If the clerk tries to offer you other alternatives (fixing the item or telling you it's not damaged), keep repeating that you'd like a refund.\\nThis technique is assertive rather than rude as it lets you make your point by stating clearly what you want in a non-offensive way. Body language and tone are important here. You don't want to yell or treat the other person badly. Your simple statement is power enough.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Try the fogging technique.\", \"描述\": \"Use the phrase, “You might be right,” when someone tries to draw you into an argument. In this way, you acknowledge that the other person's views may have merit, but you remain confident in your position. Agreeing does not mean that you back down and change your mind.\\nFor example, if someone says, “Your haircut looks stupid,” you can respond with, “You might be right.” They might continue: “Didn't you hear me? You look like a loser.” Respond by saying, “You might be right, but it will grow back.”\\nThis technique is assertive rather than rude. Because you agree with the antagonizer, you take the wind out of their argument and keep the conversation from escalating. It's difficult for the other person to argue with you when you might agree with them. Additionally, saying “you 'might' be right” doesn't confirm that the bully is right, only that they might be. Everyone has a right to their own opinion.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Use I statements.\", \"描述\": \"This is a common technique taught in almost every assertiveness training course. An I statement is when you begin a sentence with “I…” It is successful because it focuses on what you need without putting the other person in a corner. You allow the other person to think, feel and do what is best for them.\\nUsing an I statement is an assertive technique rather than a rude one because you are taking responsibility for your feelings. You are not blaming the other person. “I” statements are a good way to open up communication so that the problem can be solved.\\nSample I statements are: “I feel angry when you use sarcasm,” “I feel insulted when you put your desires ahead of mine,” or “I feel hurt when you talk to me like that.”\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Try nonviolent communication to make polite requests with someone you trust.\", \"描述\": \"Nonviolent communication means stating an observation, describing a need, and then seeking resolution. This offers a polite and nonjudgmental way to make requests of others. Here are some examples of requests using this format: \\n\\\"I can hear you yelling and swearing into your headset. I have a video call with my boss in fifteen minutes and I need a quiet environment. Would you quiet down or play a less stressful video game, please?\\\"\\n\\\"Your alarm woke me up at 5 am and I couldn't fall back asleep. I need sleep to function and I'm having a difficult morning because of this. Can you please turn down the volume or work with me to find a solution that lets me sleep?\\\"\\n\\\"Yesterday, when you saw the mess in my room, you rolled your eyes and called me lazy. While I understand your frustration, I feel hurt when you call me names. In the future, can you please make requests of me without the name-calling?\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Try leading with an agreement or compliment.\", \"描述\": \"Starting by acknowledging common ground or values can help. This assures the other person that you mean well and that you recognize their point of view. It sets the stage to tackle a problem together instead of from opposite sides. \\n\\\"I know you want to look out for our daughter and help her have a good future. I'm concerned that she might be feeling too much academic pressure. I don't want her to risk burnout or poor mental health from overwork. Can you help me encourage her to seek a balance?\\\"\\n\\\"I know you care so much about the quality of your work. Your dedication is incredible. I'm letting you know about this issue because I know you can rise above it.\\\"\\n\\\"That is an interesting article. I know you're trying to figure out the best way to protect our family's health and that it's hard to wade through all the rumors and misinformation online. But I noticed that the writer is being sued for allegedly poisoning people with their alternative medicine, so I'm not comfortable buying their product for our kids.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Be polite but firm.\", \"描述\": \"Stay within the bounds of politeness while also expressing yourself. After saying what you need to say, listen to the other side. There's no need to raise your voice to be heard. There's more power (and politeness) in being calm and collected. \\nThat said, avoid being too smiley or giggling after you say your piece. You can be polite without undermining yourself. Only lighten the mood in this way if it's appropriate for what you're talking about.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Recognizing the Difference Between Assertiveness and Rudeness\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Understand what rudeness looks like.\", \"描述\": \"Rudeness is an absence of respect for the other person, their feelings, their beliefs and their views. When someone is rude, they are more likely to be sarcastic, angry, abusive or bullying. \\nRudeness also can include yelling, offensive language, threats, breaches of personal space, and intimidating gestures like blocking someone's exit or shoving them.\\nFor example: Raj and Josh are waiting in line for concert tickets when a group of guys cuts in front of them. “Hey, we've been here all night. You can't cut in front of us,” says Raj. “Look, you little freak, I'm not moving so shut it,” yells one of the bullies as he puts his face in Raj's face and jabs his finger into Raj's chest for emphasis as he talks. The raised voice, insult, and intimidating body language are examples of disrespectful and abusive behavior.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Understand what it means to be assertive.\", \"描述\": \"To be assertive is to “express yourself effectively and stand up for your point of view, while also respecting the rights and beliefs of others.” Assertiveness involves all of your communication skills, meaning your words, your actions, your body language and your voice tone and facial expressions. When a person communicates assertively, all of these elements are in harmony. Simply put, assertiveness is being confident without being aggressive.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Notice that assertive people keep their anger in check.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes you'll feel angry, and sometimes your anger will be very justified. An assertive person will speak up, being respectful while speaking powerfully as needed, whereas an aggressive person will lash out (with words or actions). \\nAssertive people critique the thoughts/behavior, not the individual. \\\"It was very hurtful of you to make those racial comments to Mika\\\" is different from \\\"You're a racist pig.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Recognize respect for the other person.\", \"描述\": \"Assertiveness is rooted in mutual respect. Without both parties respecting each other, you cannot communicate assertively. Instead, the dialogue is filled with aggression or passivity. When you have respect for the other person's feelings, you can get what you want without stepping on others' toes.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Recognizing Your Communication Style\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Recognize an aggressive response.\", \"描述\": \"Communication styles are learned from our earliest years so it might be difficult to tell what assertiveness looks like. If a child observes aggressive interactions, they will most likely adopt that style. Someone might respond aggressively to you when you get when you want. The other person is put on the defensive and feels intimidated. An aggressive response might look like this:\\nOne person says, “Our guests will be arriving any minute. Do you think you could get me a clean shirt sometime this century?” The other person responds with, “I have to finish getting the food ready. Why don't you get off your lazy duff and get your own clean shirt?” Both people are communicating aggressively. Each is aiming to get what they need without regard for the other person.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Recognize a passive response.\", \"描述\": \"When someone gets what they want out of a situation, this might leave you feeling resentful, angry or taken advantage of. If you respond passively, you won't stand up for your own needs. A passive response might look like this:\\nOne person says, “Our guests will be arriving any minute. Do you think you could get me a clean shirt sometime this century?” The other person responds with, “Fine. I guess the food will just be late. Don't blame me if everyone complains.” The first person is still being aggressive and the second person responds passively. One gets what he wants while the other doesn't stand up for her needs.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Determine if you're using one-sided assertiveness.\", \"描述\": \"Even if the other person is being aggressive or passive, respond with assertiveness. Assert your rights and feelings by telling the other person what you don't like. Tell the other person what you need. \\nOne person might say, “Our guests will be arriving any minute. Do you think you could get me a clean shirt sometime this century?” The other person can respond assertively with: “The clean shirts are hanging in the closet. I need to finish getting the food ready.” Although the first person's request is still aggressive and sarcastic, the second person is able to respond assertively. She could further assert her rights and feelings by telling the first person that she doesn't like the sarcasm and that she would appreciate it if he would see that they are both busy getting ready for the party.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Recognize assertive responses.\", \"描述\": \"In a mutually assertive situation, both you and the other person feel respected and heard. Even if you have learned to respond aggressively or passively, you can still learn to communicate assertively and respectfully.\\nOne person says, “Our guests will be arriving any minute. Do I have any clean shirts?” The other person responds with, “Yes, there are several in the closet. I need about five more minutes with the food.” Both people address their needs while respecting those of the other.\"}]}]}}",
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3,553 | How to Be Assertive in a Relationship | 1. Being Assertive in Your Romantic Relationships
1-1. Start small.
If you are worried about changing too much all at once in your relationship, start small. Be more assertive about a little bit at a time instead of changing everything overnight. Doing it that way can be jarring and cause confusion or problems with your partner.
For example, be more vocal about what you want for dinner when you go out. Don’t always let your partner choose and go along with what they have to say. Instead, suggest a different type of food that you would like instead in a calm and positive manner.
1-2. Believe your opinions about the relationship are valid.
In your romantic relationships, you may avoid being assertive because you think your partner may leave you. However, this should not create a situation for you where you feel like your opinions do not matter. Every feeling you have about your relationship is legitimate and your partner should be willing to discuss them with you.
To build up your belief in yourself, expand in all aspects of your life. When you have an opinion about something or a feeling about a situation, tell yourself that it is valid. Whether or not you express it at first, tell yourself your thoughts and feelings are valid every time they come up. Eventually, you will believe they are valid and you will feel more confident expressing them.
When you have concerns or want to express feelings about your relationship, give yourself a pep talk before you do it. Tell yourself, "My opinion is valid. If my partner loves me, then my opinion will not change that."
If your partner cannot handle you having an opinion or feeling about your relationship, your relationship dynamic needs to be reassessed to put you and your partner on a more level playing field.
Make sure you are not passive, aggressive, or passive aggressive when you discuss your feelings with your partner. Express what you are feeling in a way that is firm but also positive and not accusatory.
1-3. Let go of any residual guilt.
If you have spent the majority of your relationship being a people pleaser, you may feel some guilt when you first start asserting yourself. This is a common reaction to this situation and may cause you a little distress. However, you need to push through and know that there is no reason to feel guilty about expressing yourself.
If you find it hard at first, try taking a deep breath. Visualize yourself breathing in peace, calm, and strength and then breathing out guilt, shame, or anxiety.
For example, the first time you tell your partner that you don’t like a common activity that you used to do a lot but didn’t like, such as fishing, you may feel residual guilt. However, the guilt will pass and your opinion on the matter is valid. Now that you have expressed yourself to your partner, you two can begin doing things you both enjoy and your partner can go fishing with friends or alone.
1-4. Phrase your statements in the right way.
When you are approaching your partner, make sure you are phrasing your assertive comments in the right way. You don’t want to come off angry or accusatory; instead, you want to express how you feel and what you think.
For example, instead of telling your partner, “You are selfish and dismissive.”, say “I could really use some help around the house/apartment and with taking care of the dogs. I’ve tried to tell you in the past but I feel like you are pushing me aside.” This last statement asserts the same point as the first one, but it is much more positive and calm.
1-5. Know when it’s okay to stay quiet.
Although being assertive means expressing your opinions, it doesn’t mean you never let something go. Relationships are about compromise, so there may be times when you don’t get exactly what you want. This doesn’t mean you aren’t assertive, it just means you are taking the feelings of your partner into consideration.
This means that you don't have to be right or express your every thought all the time, especially if the situation is not going to harm or help your relationship either way.
For example, if you and your partner differ in opinion about politics or a sports team, you don't have to make your partner like or identify with the same person or team. Agree that you have a difference in opinion and don't let it harm your relationship by being angry about it or assertive to the point of arguing.
This is the same you expect of your partner, so it is only fair to do the same.
By being assertive more often, you will learn more about what you want and expect from your partner. This way, you will know when you are comfortable staying quiet or compromising and when you are not.
1-6. Avoid being too emotional.
Romantic relationships are tied up with your emotions. However, when you are learning to be assertive, try removing yourself somewhat from your emotions. You don’t want them to make you more aggressive or passive than assertive. Instead, try to think about your relationship and the situations you encounter with an even mind.
When you feel yourself get too emotional, take a few deep breaths and think about removing your emotions from the situation. If this doesn't work, take a break from the conversation or wait until you have reined in your emotions before talking to your partner.
This will keep you from saying things you don’t mean or hurting your partner’s feelings.
2. Asserting Yourself in Your Friendships
2-1. Learn to say no.
You may find yourself saying yes to every suggestion that your friends make. If you run into a situation where you don’t want to be or your friend asks something of you that you aren’t willing to give, don’t say yes just to be nice. Say no in a positive, calm manner. Being assertive doesn’t mean you aren’t being nice, it just means that you are giving your valid, respectful opinion in the situation.
For example, if you friend wants to go see a movie that you really don’t want to see, calmly tell them, “No, I don’t want to see this movie.” You can even suggest a different option or another activity in its place. This way, you would be able to spend time together but do something that everyone wants to do.
2-2. Be direct.
When you are being assertive with your partner, make sure to be direct. Don’t talk around your feelings or side step what you are actually feeling. Part of being assertive is being direct and explicit in your feelings and wishes.
Avoid being overly harsh, accusatory, or vague about what you want.
For example, instead of saying “Wouldn’t you rather go somewhere more fun?”, tell your friend “I would like to go to this pub that has trivia.”
2-3. Be okay with disagreeing.
You and your friends may have a difference of opinion about a particular subject. This doesn’t mean you can no longer be friends or that either of your opinions are invalid. It just means that you differ about some things. This is common in friendships, or any relationship, because there is no one person exactly like you.
These differences are what make your friendship interesting and fun. Just don’t let them get in the way of your friendship.
Approach the situation with the idea that it is okay to agree to disagree, but that expressing your opinion is very valid. The same is true for your friend’s opinion, as long as you both express these opinions in a calm, positive, and assertive manner.
For example, if you find yourself in a particular situation where you and your friend do not agree, tell your friend, "I respect your opinion, although it differs from mine. Let's just agree to disagree and continue with our day."
2-4. Assess what you expect from others.
In order to be honest in your friendships, you need to know exactly what it is you want and expect from others. This means you need to assess what you need in a friendship, what you expect your friends to do, and how you want to act in these friendships.
Try making a list of the qualities you see in the perfect friend. Then think about each one and how much those things would mean to you as part of your friendship. This will help you understand your expectations of your friendships and know how to ask for these things from your friends.
The more you understand about what you expect from a friend, the more you can communicate this to them in a calm, positive manner.
This will help your friendship improve once you and your friends are on the same page.
3. Expressing Control in Your Work Relationships
3-1. Approach your coworkers in a calm, friendly manner.
Being assertive does not mean you are aggressive or mean. One of the main characteristics of being assertive is being positive and proactive about your opinions and beliefs. When dealing with your coworkers, always approach situations with a calm and positive manner when expressing your opinions.
For example, if you are upset about a performance review, approach your boss or supervisor with a calm and level head. Think about what you want to address about the review ahead of time and express your concerns in a positive, relaxed manner. Your boss will be more likely to take you seriously if you don’t accuse or act out. Start the exchange with phrases such as, "I would like to discuss my recent review with you. I feel there are some inconsistencies and I would like to address them."
Avoid yelling, showing anger, or avoiding the situation. Being overly aggressive will not make your boss take you seriously and avoiding the situation by calling out from work will only reflect negatively on you.
Look your boss or supervisor in the eye when you approach him/her, avoid crossing your arms or taking a defensive position, don't raise your voice, and avoid fidgeting when you discuss the situation.
3-2. Have faith in your abilities.
One of the best ways to be assertive is to have faith in your opinions and idea. If you don’t believe in yourself, you will never want to speak up with your ideas or suggestions. Try to express more of your ideas every day at the office, or at least when a proper time arises.
During a meeting, if you have a great idea for your boss about a future project you’d like to initiate or a story you would like to write, speak up in a positive, calm manner. Have faith in your ideas and capabilities.
Just make sure your ideas are fully thought out and prepared.
3-3. Practice active listening.
Another part of being assertive is making informed comments, decisions, and suggestions. To do this, you need to actively listen to those around you. When a coworker is expressing opinions or beliefs, don’t interrupt or belittle those comments. Instead, try to consider your coworker’s point of view and take it in.
This means really listening to your coworkers and trying to understand where your coworker is coming from.
Once you do this, you can make an informed decision about what your own opinions about a situation.
3-4. Use ‘I’ statements.
When you are learning to be assertive, you need to tap into what you want, feel, and need. This should be reflected in your statements. Instead of placing blame or being vague, use statements that begin with ‘I’ or that have that as a main component.
For example, don’t tell a coworker, “What if we changed distributors or vendors to save money on office supplies?” Instead, say “I believe we should change vendors to save money on office supplies.”
3-5. Be confident.
When you are expressing your opinions, do so with confidence. This will make you seem more assertive and like you know exactly what you are talking about. Make sure you aren’t being arrogant, where you seem full of yourself.
For example, go into your next meeting with great ideas that you say in a calm, even tone with an air of confidence and a positive or neutral facial expression. Your boss and coworkers will be more likely to take you seriously.
3-6. Don’t let stress get to you.
One of the main reasons you may not be assertive at work is because you are stressed about the situation. You may stress about the outcomes of a situation where you have an opportunity to be assertive to the point that you lose that opportunity. Try to avoid that by stressing less about a situation.
For example, if you are working on a project with some coworkers and you have a great idea for the project, you should suggest your idea in a positive, calm manner. Don’t overthink it and stress yourself out.
3-7. Speak up about misconduct.
If you believe that you are being taken advantage of at work, you should speak up and assert your opinion on the matter. No one but you can make sense of how you are being treated. If you think a coworker, supervisor, or boss is treating you unfairly, calmly and rationally discuss the behavior.
Try to have specific examples of the unfair treatment or abuse. This will make your case more solid and grounded in real life examples.
Try to avoid screaming or acting irrationally in the face of these acts. This will only make you look bad. Always approach situations as assertive instead of aggressive.
Tips
Learning to be assertive won’t happen overnight. It will take practice and patience to learn how to incorporate being assertive in each part of your life.[16]
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If you want to track your progress, try writing your assertive behaviors in a journal. Every so often, go back and read previous entries to see your progress.[17]
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"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Being Assertive in Your Romantic Relationships\\n1-1. Start small.\\nIf you are worried about changing too much all at once in your relationship, start small. Be more assertive about a little bit at a time instead of changing everything overnight. Doing it that way can be jarring and cause confusion or problems with your partner.\\nFor example, be more vocal about what you want for dinner when you go out. Don’t always let your partner choose and go along with what they have to say. Instead, suggest a different type of food that you would like instead in a calm and positive manner.\\n1-2. Believe your opinions about the relationship are valid.\\nIn your romantic relationships, you may avoid being assertive because you think your partner may leave you. However, this should not create a situation for you where you feel like your opinions do not matter. Every feeling you have about your relationship is legitimate and your partner should be willing to discuss them with you.\\nTo build up your belief in yourself, expand in all aspects of your life. When you have an opinion about something or a feeling about a situation, tell yourself that it is valid. Whether or not you express it at first, tell yourself your thoughts and feelings are valid every time they come up. Eventually, you will believe they are valid and you will feel more confident expressing them.\\nWhen you have concerns or want to express feelings about your relationship, give yourself a pep talk before you do it. Tell yourself, \\\"My opinion is valid. If my partner loves me, then my opinion will not change that.\\\"\\nIf your partner cannot handle you having an opinion or feeling about your relationship, your relationship dynamic needs to be reassessed to put you and your partner on a more level playing field.\\nMake sure you are not passive, aggressive, or passive aggressive when you discuss your feelings with your partner. Express what you are feeling in a way that is firm but also positive and not accusatory.\\n1-3. Let go of any residual guilt.\\nIf you have spent the majority of your relationship being a people pleaser, you may feel some guilt when you first start asserting yourself. This is a common reaction to this situation and may cause you a little distress. However, you need to push through and know that there is no reason to feel guilty about expressing yourself.\\nIf you find it hard at first, try taking a deep breath. Visualize yourself breathing in peace, calm, and strength and then breathing out guilt, shame, or anxiety.\\nFor example, the first time you tell your partner that you don’t like a common activity that you used to do a lot but didn’t like, such as fishing, you may feel residual guilt. However, the guilt will pass and your opinion on the matter is valid. Now that you have expressed yourself to your partner, you two can begin doing things you both enjoy and your partner can go fishing with friends or alone.\\n1-4. Phrase your statements in the right way.\\nWhen you are approaching your partner, make sure you are phrasing your assertive comments in the right way. You don’t want to come off angry or accusatory; instead, you want to express how you feel and what you think.\\nFor example, instead of telling your partner, “You are selfish and dismissive.”, say “I could really use some help around the house/apartment and with taking care of the dogs. I’ve tried to tell you in the past but I feel like you are pushing me aside.” This last statement asserts the same point as the first one, but it is much more positive and calm.\\n1-5. Know when it’s okay to stay quiet.\\nAlthough being assertive means expressing your opinions, it doesn’t mean you never let something go. Relationships are about compromise, so there may be times when you don’t get exactly what you want. This doesn’t mean you aren’t assertive, it just means you are taking the feelings of your partner into consideration.\\nThis means that you don't have to be right or express your every thought all the time, especially if the situation is not going to harm or help your relationship either way.\\nFor example, if you and your partner differ in opinion about politics or a sports team, you don't have to make your partner like or identify with the same person or team. Agree that you have a difference in opinion and don't let it harm your relationship by being angry about it or assertive to the point of arguing.\\nThis is the same you expect of your partner, so it is only fair to do the same.\\nBy being assertive more often, you will learn more about what you want and expect from your partner. This way, you will know when you are comfortable staying quiet or compromising and when you are not.\\n1-6. Avoid being too emotional.\\nRomantic relationships are tied up with your emotions. However, when you are learning to be assertive, try removing yourself somewhat from your emotions. You don’t want them to make you more aggressive or passive than assertive. Instead, try to think about your relationship and the situations you encounter with an even mind.\\nWhen you feel yourself get too emotional, take a few deep breaths and think about removing your emotions from the situation. If this doesn't work, take a break from the conversation or wait until you have reined in your emotions before talking to your partner.\\nThis will keep you from saying things you don’t mean or hurting your partner’s feelings.\\n2. Asserting Yourself in Your Friendships\\n2-1. Learn to say no.\\nYou may find yourself saying yes to every suggestion that your friends make. If you run into a situation where you don’t want to be or your friend asks something of you that you aren’t willing to give, don’t say yes just to be nice. Say no in a positive, calm manner. Being assertive doesn’t mean you aren’t being nice, it just means that you are giving your valid, respectful opinion in the situation.\\nFor example, if you friend wants to go see a movie that you really don’t want to see, calmly tell them, “No, I don’t want to see this movie.” You can even suggest a different option or another activity in its place. This way, you would be able to spend time together but do something that everyone wants to do.\\n2-2. Be direct.\\nWhen you are being assertive with your partner, make sure to be direct. Don’t talk around your feelings or side step what you are actually feeling. Part of being assertive is being direct and explicit in your feelings and wishes.\\nAvoid being overly harsh, accusatory, or vague about what you want.\\nFor example, instead of saying “Wouldn’t you rather go somewhere more fun?”, tell your friend “I would like to go to this pub that has trivia.”\\n2-3. Be okay with disagreeing.\\nYou and your friends may have a difference of opinion about a particular subject. This doesn’t mean you can no longer be friends or that either of your opinions are invalid. It just means that you differ about some things. This is common in friendships, or any relationship, because there is no one person exactly like you.\\nThese differences are what make your friendship interesting and fun. Just don’t let them get in the way of your friendship.\\nApproach the situation with the idea that it is okay to agree to disagree, but that expressing your opinion is very valid. The same is true for your friend’s opinion, as long as you both express these opinions in a calm, positive, and assertive manner.\\nFor example, if you find yourself in a particular situation where you and your friend do not agree, tell your friend, \\\"I respect your opinion, although it differs from mine. Let's just agree to disagree and continue with our day.\\\"\\n2-4. Assess what you expect from others.\\nIn order to be honest in your friendships, you need to know exactly what it is you want and expect from others. This means you need to assess what you need in a friendship, what you expect your friends to do, and how you want to act in these friendships.\\nTry making a list of the qualities you see in the perfect friend. Then think about each one and how much those things would mean to you as part of your friendship. This will help you understand your expectations of your friendships and know how to ask for these things from your friends.\\nThe more you understand about what you expect from a friend, the more you can communicate this to them in a calm, positive manner.\\nThis will help your friendship improve once you and your friends are on the same page.\\n3. Expressing Control in Your Work Relationships\\n3-1. Approach your coworkers in a calm, friendly manner.\\nBeing assertive does not mean you are aggressive or mean. One of the main characteristics of being assertive is being positive and proactive about your opinions and beliefs. When dealing with your coworkers, always approach situations with a calm and positive manner when expressing your opinions.\\nFor example, if you are upset about a performance review, approach your boss or supervisor with a calm and level head. Think about what you want to address about the review ahead of time and express your concerns in a positive, relaxed manner. Your boss will be more likely to take you seriously if you don’t accuse or act out. Start the exchange with phrases such as, \\\"I would like to discuss my recent review with you. I feel there are some inconsistencies and I would like to address them.\\\"\\nAvoid yelling, showing anger, or avoiding the situation. Being overly aggressive will not make your boss take you seriously and avoiding the situation by calling out from work will only reflect negatively on you.\\nLook your boss or supervisor in the eye when you approach him/her, avoid crossing your arms or taking a defensive position, don't raise your voice, and avoid fidgeting when you discuss the situation.\\n3-2. Have faith in your abilities.\\nOne of the best ways to be assertive is to have faith in your opinions and idea. If you don’t believe in yourself, you will never want to speak up with your ideas or suggestions. Try to express more of your ideas every day at the office, or at least when a proper time arises.\\nDuring a meeting, if you have a great idea for your boss about a future project you’d like to initiate or a story you would like to write, speak up in a positive, calm manner. Have faith in your ideas and capabilities.\\nJust make sure your ideas are fully thought out and prepared.\\n3-3. Practice active listening.\\nAnother part of being assertive is making informed comments, decisions, and suggestions. To do this, you need to actively listen to those around you. When a coworker is expressing opinions or beliefs, don’t interrupt or belittle those comments. Instead, try to consider your coworker’s point of view and take it in.\\nThis means really listening to your coworkers and trying to understand where your coworker is coming from.\\nOnce you do this, you can make an informed decision about what your own opinions about a situation.\\n3-4. Use ‘I’ statements.\\nWhen you are learning to be assertive, you need to tap into what you want, feel, and need. This should be reflected in your statements. Instead of placing blame or being vague, use statements that begin with ‘I’ or that have that as a main component.\\nFor example, don’t tell a coworker, “What if we changed distributors or vendors to save money on office supplies?” Instead, say “I believe we should change vendors to save money on office supplies.”\\n3-5. Be confident.\\nWhen you are expressing your opinions, do so with confidence. This will make you seem more assertive and like you know exactly what you are talking about. Make sure you aren’t being arrogant, where you seem full of yourself.\\nFor example, go into your next meeting with great ideas that you say in a calm, even tone with an air of confidence and a positive or neutral facial expression. Your boss and coworkers will be more likely to take you seriously.\\n3-6. Don’t let stress get to you.\\nOne of the main reasons you may not be assertive at work is because you are stressed about the situation. You may stress about the outcomes of a situation where you have an opportunity to be assertive to the point that you lose that opportunity. Try to avoid that by stressing less about a situation.\\nFor example, if you are working on a project with some coworkers and you have a great idea for the project, you should suggest your idea in a positive, calm manner. Don’t overthink it and stress yourself out.\\n3-7. Speak up about misconduct.\\nIf you believe that you are being taken advantage of at work, you should speak up and assert your opinion on the matter. No one but you can make sense of how you are being treated. If you think a coworker, supervisor, or boss is treating you unfairly, calmly and rationally discuss the behavior.\\nTry to have specific examples of the unfair treatment or abuse. This will make your case more solid and grounded in real life examples.\\nTry to avoid screaming or acting irrationally in the face of these acts. This will only make you look bad. Always approach situations as assertive instead of aggressive.\\nTips\\nLearning to be assertive won’t happen overnight. It will take practice and patience to learn how to incorporate being assertive in each part of your life.[16]\\nX\\nResearch source\\nIf you want to track your progress, try writing your assertive behaviors in a journal. Every so often, go back and read previous entries to see your progress.[17]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being assertive in your relationships can be difficult, but it isn’t impossible. You may be having trouble in multiple different types of relationships, including those with your partner, friends, or coworkers. By determining your own beliefs and opinions, accepting the validity of these opinions, and becoming more active in expressing these beliefs and opinions, you can become more assertive in all types of relationships.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Being Assertive in Your Romantic Relationships\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Start small.\", \"描述\": \"If you are worried about changing too much all at once in your relationship, start small. Be more assertive about a little bit at a time instead of changing everything overnight. Doing it that way can be jarring and cause confusion or problems with your partner.\\nFor example, be more vocal about what you want for dinner when you go out. Don’t always let your partner choose and go along with what they have to say. Instead, suggest a different type of food that you would like instead in a calm and positive manner.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Believe your opinions about the relationship are valid.\", \"描述\": \"In your romantic relationships, you may avoid being assertive because you think your partner may leave you. However, this should not create a situation for you where you feel like your opinions do not matter. Every feeling you have about your relationship is legitimate and your partner should be willing to discuss them with you.\\nTo build up your belief in yourself, expand in all aspects of your life. When you have an opinion about something or a feeling about a situation, tell yourself that it is valid. Whether or not you express it at first, tell yourself your thoughts and feelings are valid every time they come up. Eventually, you will believe they are valid and you will feel more confident expressing them.\\nWhen you have concerns or want to express feelings about your relationship, give yourself a pep talk before you do it. Tell yourself, \\\"My opinion is valid. If my partner loves me, then my opinion will not change that.\\\"\\nIf your partner cannot handle you having an opinion or feeling about your relationship, your relationship dynamic needs to be reassessed to put you and your partner on a more level playing field.\\nMake sure you are not passive, aggressive, or passive aggressive when you discuss your feelings with your partner. Express what you are feeling in a way that is firm but also positive and not accusatory.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Let go of any residual guilt.\", \"描述\": \"If you have spent the majority of your relationship being a people pleaser, you may feel some guilt when you first start asserting yourself. This is a common reaction to this situation and may cause you a little distress. However, you need to push through and know that there is no reason to feel guilty about expressing yourself.\\nIf you find it hard at first, try taking a deep breath. Visualize yourself breathing in peace, calm, and strength and then breathing out guilt, shame, or anxiety.\\nFor example, the first time you tell your partner that you don’t like a common activity that you used to do a lot but didn’t like, such as fishing, you may feel residual guilt. However, the guilt will pass and your opinion on the matter is valid. Now that you have expressed yourself to your partner, you two can begin doing things you both enjoy and your partner can go fishing with friends or alone.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Phrase your statements in the right way.\", \"描述\": \"When you are approaching your partner, make sure you are phrasing your assertive comments in the right way. You don’t want to come off angry or accusatory; instead, you want to express how you feel and what you think.\\nFor example, instead of telling your partner, “You are selfish and dismissive.”, say “I could really use some help around the house/apartment and with taking care of the dogs. I’ve tried to tell you in the past but I feel like you are pushing me aside.” This last statement asserts the same point as the first one, but it is much more positive and calm.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Know when it’s okay to stay quiet.\", \"描述\": \"Although being assertive means expressing your opinions, it doesn’t mean you never let something go. Relationships are about compromise, so there may be times when you don’t get exactly what you want. This doesn’t mean you aren’t assertive, it just means you are taking the feelings of your partner into consideration.\\nThis means that you don't have to be right or express your every thought all the time, especially if the situation is not going to harm or help your relationship either way.\\nFor example, if you and your partner differ in opinion about politics or a sports team, you don't have to make your partner like or identify with the same person or team. Agree that you have a difference in opinion and don't let it harm your relationship by being angry about it or assertive to the point of arguing.\\nThis is the same you expect of your partner, so it is only fair to do the same.\\nBy being assertive more often, you will learn more about what you want and expect from your partner. This way, you will know when you are comfortable staying quiet or compromising and when you are not.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Avoid being too emotional.\", \"描述\": \"Romantic relationships are tied up with your emotions. However, when you are learning to be assertive, try removing yourself somewhat from your emotions. You don’t want them to make you more aggressive or passive than assertive. Instead, try to think about your relationship and the situations you encounter with an even mind.\\nWhen you feel yourself get too emotional, take a few deep breaths and think about removing your emotions from the situation. If this doesn't work, take a break from the conversation or wait until you have reined in your emotions before talking to your partner.\\nThis will keep you from saying things you don’t mean or hurting your partner’s feelings.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Asserting Yourself in Your Friendships\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Learn to say no.\", \"描述\": \"You may find yourself saying yes to every suggestion that your friends make. If you run into a situation where you don’t want to be or your friend asks something of you that you aren’t willing to give, don’t say yes just to be nice. Say no in a positive, calm manner. Being assertive doesn’t mean you aren’t being nice, it just means that you are giving your valid, respectful opinion in the situation.\\nFor example, if you friend wants to go see a movie that you really don’t want to see, calmly tell them, “No, I don’t want to see this movie.” You can even suggest a different option or another activity in its place. This way, you would be able to spend time together but do something that everyone wants to do.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be direct.\", \"描述\": \"When you are being assertive with your partner, make sure to be direct. Don’t talk around your feelings or side step what you are actually feeling. Part of being assertive is being direct and explicit in your feelings and wishes.\\nAvoid being overly harsh, accusatory, or vague about what you want.\\nFor example, instead of saying “Wouldn’t you rather go somewhere more fun?”, tell your friend “I would like to go to this pub that has trivia.”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be okay with disagreeing.\", \"描述\": \"You and your friends may have a difference of opinion about a particular subject. This doesn’t mean you can no longer be friends or that either of your opinions are invalid. It just means that you differ about some things. This is common in friendships, or any relationship, because there is no one person exactly like you.\\nThese differences are what make your friendship interesting and fun. Just don’t let them get in the way of your friendship.\\nApproach the situation with the idea that it is okay to agree to disagree, but that expressing your opinion is very valid. The same is true for your friend’s opinion, as long as you both express these opinions in a calm, positive, and assertive manner.\\nFor example, if you find yourself in a particular situation where you and your friend do not agree, tell your friend, \\\"I respect your opinion, although it differs from mine. Let's just agree to disagree and continue with our day.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Assess what you expect from others.\", \"描述\": \"In order to be honest in your friendships, you need to know exactly what it is you want and expect from others. This means you need to assess what you need in a friendship, what you expect your friends to do, and how you want to act in these friendships.\\nTry making a list of the qualities you see in the perfect friend. Then think about each one and how much those things would mean to you as part of your friendship. This will help you understand your expectations of your friendships and know how to ask for these things from your friends.\\nThe more you understand about what you expect from a friend, the more you can communicate this to them in a calm, positive manner.\\nThis will help your friendship improve once you and your friends are on the same page.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Expressing Control in Your Work Relationships\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Approach your coworkers in a calm, friendly manner.\", \"描述\": \"Being assertive does not mean you are aggressive or mean. One of the main characteristics of being assertive is being positive and proactive about your opinions and beliefs. When dealing with your coworkers, always approach situations with a calm and positive manner when expressing your opinions.\\nFor example, if you are upset about a performance review, approach your boss or supervisor with a calm and level head. Think about what you want to address about the review ahead of time and express your concerns in a positive, relaxed manner. Your boss will be more likely to take you seriously if you don’t accuse or act out. Start the exchange with phrases such as, \\\"I would like to discuss my recent review with you. I feel there are some inconsistencies and I would like to address them.\\\"\\nAvoid yelling, showing anger, or avoiding the situation. Being overly aggressive will not make your boss take you seriously and avoiding the situation by calling out from work will only reflect negatively on you.\\nLook your boss or supervisor in the eye when you approach him/her, avoid crossing your arms or taking a defensive position, don't raise your voice, and avoid fidgeting when you discuss the situation.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Have faith in your abilities.\", \"描述\": \"One of the best ways to be assertive is to have faith in your opinions and idea. If you don’t believe in yourself, you will never want to speak up with your ideas or suggestions. Try to express more of your ideas every day at the office, or at least when a proper time arises.\\nDuring a meeting, if you have a great idea for your boss about a future project you’d like to initiate or a story you would like to write, speak up in a positive, calm manner. Have faith in your ideas and capabilities.\\nJust make sure your ideas are fully thought out and prepared.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Practice active listening.\", \"描述\": \"Another part of being assertive is making informed comments, decisions, and suggestions. To do this, you need to actively listen to those around you. When a coworker is expressing opinions or beliefs, don’t interrupt or belittle those comments. Instead, try to consider your coworker’s point of view and take it in.\\nThis means really listening to your coworkers and trying to understand where your coworker is coming from.\\nOnce you do this, you can make an informed decision about what your own opinions about a situation.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Use ‘I’ statements.\", \"描述\": \"When you are learning to be assertive, you need to tap into what you want, feel, and need. This should be reflected in your statements. Instead of placing blame or being vague, use statements that begin with ‘I’ or that have that as a main component.\\nFor example, don’t tell a coworker, “What if we changed distributors or vendors to save money on office supplies?” Instead, say “I believe we should change vendors to save money on office supplies.”\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be confident.\", \"描述\": \"When you are expressing your opinions, do so with confidence. This will make you seem more assertive and like you know exactly what you are talking about. Make sure you aren’t being arrogant, where you seem full of yourself.\\nFor example, go into your next meeting with great ideas that you say in a calm, even tone with an air of confidence and a positive or neutral facial expression. Your boss and coworkers will be more likely to take you seriously.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Don’t let stress get to you.\", \"描述\": \"One of the main reasons you may not be assertive at work is because you are stressed about the situation. You may stress about the outcomes of a situation where you have an opportunity to be assertive to the point that you lose that opportunity. Try to avoid that by stressing less about a situation.\\nFor example, if you are working on a project with some coworkers and you have a great idea for the project, you should suggest your idea in a positive, calm manner. Don’t overthink it and stress yourself out.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Speak up about misconduct.\", \"描述\": \"If you believe that you are being taken advantage of at work, you should speak up and assert your opinion on the matter. No one but you can make sense of how you are being treated. If you think a coworker, supervisor, or boss is treating you unfairly, calmly and rationally discuss the behavior.\\nTry to have specific examples of the unfair treatment or abuse. This will make your case more solid and grounded in real life examples.\\nTry to avoid screaming or acting irrationally in the face of these acts. This will only make you look bad. Always approach situations as assertive instead of aggressive.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Learning to be assertive won’t happen overnight. It will take practice and patience to learn how to incorporate being assertive in each part of your life.[16]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\", \"If you want to track your progress, try writing your assertive behaviors in a journal. Every so often, go back and read previous entries to see your progress.[17]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,554 | How to Be Attractive | 1. Taking Care of Your Body
1-1. Embrace a healthy lifestyle
A healthy body is very often considered an attractive trait. This doesn't mean you need to become a body builder or marathon runner. Start by making basic healthy decisions in your everyday life, and take it from there. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle can demonstrate maturity and responsibility, which are attractive traits to a potential mate.
Studies show that 12% body fat in men, and 20% body fat in women is a good goal to strive for. In men, a 12% body fat ratio increases testosterone levels and boosts immune system.
Women have more body fat than men, and at a 20% ratio, a women's curves are more defined.
Eating more fruits and vegetables is a great way to become more vibrant while you diet. Fruits and vegetables are loaded with antioxidants and plant-based pigments, which give skin a healthy glow.
1-2. Get your beauty sleep
No matter how groomed you are, or how much make-up you wear, studies have shown that sleep deprived people look less healthy, more tired, and overall less attractive.
Aim to get 8 hours of sleep each night to fight off red eyes, and other symptoms of sleep deprivation.
1-3. Keep yourself well groomed
Showers solve most problems. Brush and floss your teeth regularly. Comb your hair. Get regular haircuts. Keep your nails clean. Smell nice. Scent is a strong influencer on attractiveness. Personal hygiene is very important.
1-4. Find your center.
Health is a huge contributor to overall attractiveness. You will automatically look more attractive if you look both emotionally and physically healthy. In addition to your diet and exercise, meditation is a powerful tool to relax your mind, lower stress hormones, improve your mood, and clear your skin.
Whether it's meditation (focus on your breath), mindfulness (focus on the now), or just paying attention to what is happening in the present moment, these practices will lead you to embody a sense of calm and ease.
It's a slight shift with a big impact. Train yourself to be here now and watch how others respond to your aura of grace.
2. Attracting Through Body Language
2-1. Stand with an open torso.
Be attractive in your body language. Open body language can be more attractive than any outfit. You can use your body language to convey availability and attractiveness.
Don’t cross your arms, don’t check your phone in front of your chest, and don’t hug your purse or hold your glass of wine at your canter. Each of these can convey a closed off, unavailable person.
2-2. Show your hands.
Generally, when we can’t see someone’s hands, we have difficulty in trusting them. Research shows that a person’s most attractive trait is their availability. When you are socializing, show people that you want to connect with them by keeping your posture open and available.
Don’t put your hands in your pockets, under the table, or in your coat. People may be less likely to open up to you if they can't see your hands.
2-3. Smile.
It's incredible how important, yet simple this one is. When we smile, we automatically become more approachable, more interesting, and friendlier. Smiling is a huge tool in attractiveness.
Smile at people you see, most of them will smile back.
2-4. Maintain eye contact.
Good eye contact can communicate more than words. Through eye contact you can express that you are engaged, listening, and in the present. You can show that you care about the individual you are looking at.
Avoid looking down or shifting your gaze. This can show that you are uninterested.
Sometimes too much eye contact can come off as creepy or weird. Practice holding eye contact for a second longer than you normally would and focus on something, like the color of the persons eyes. This kind of eye contact is more personable.
2-5. Dress to impress.
Wear clothes that fit you well and flatter your figure. Studies have shown that wearing red can increase your attractiveness to a potential mate.
Ladies, put on a red dress or wear a little red lipstick.
Men who grow a light beard are considered more attractive to some. If you grow facial hair, be sure to keep it well groomed.
2-6. Stand tall.
Keep your head up and your eyes forward. By walking with a confident stance, you will begin to feel more comfortable within yourself. This is one of the easiest and cheapest ways to become more attractive. Simply stand a little taller.
3. Socializing
3-1. Listen first.
Encourage others to talk about themselves. Shine the spotlight on them. Give them your full attention and appreciation by focusing only on them. When we let people talk about themselves, it triggers pleasure responses in their brain.
Put your stuff away. Don't check your phone. Don't glance at your monitor. Don't focus on anything else, even for a moment.
3-2. Respond with questions.
Ask them about positive things in their life. When they reply, ask them how they are feeling about life in general. Since you’ve already gotten a positive answer to the first question, you are more likely to get a positive answer to the second one, leading to a positive overall experience with you.
Become memorable and attractive through the way you let them express themselves to you.
3-3. Select your words carefully.
The words you use can have a huge impact on how you come across to others. Avoid being negative as much as possible. Prioritize positive words over negative ones. We all associate happy, enthusiastic, and fulfilled people with attractiveness. Say things like:
"I believe in you." These four short words can have a huge impact on how people feel both about themselves and about you.
"How can I help?" Offering assistance doesn't mean you have to go out of your way to help some, but often we cannot accomplish things alone. Saying this will show someone you are an ally.
"Here's what's happening." No one wants to be left out. If you make an effort to include everyone, they will associate a positive connection with you. Share the information you have to become more likable. You can also use this phrase to demonstrate decisiveness in a positive way.
"I'll find out."
"You're welcome." Somewhere down the road we stopped saying, "You're welcome" and started saying "yep," and "no problem." Saying the former establishes that you have done a worthwhile favor, whereas the latter shows that what you have done was insignificant. Use the former to show a person how much you care.
3-4. Be playful.
Laugh easily. Playfulness, as a personality trait can bring a bunch of positivity to your life and the lives of others. Not only can playfulness help reduce stress levels, but it will also help you appear more confident and comfortable.
Take care to tease lightly and play close attention to the other people around you. No matter what your intentions, playfulness isn't attractive if you end up hurting someone's feelings.
There is a time and place for playfulness. If you are in a professional environment, where playfulness is generally not encouraged, save it for when you leave work. However, you can still exercise kindness and warmth.
3-5. Speak slower.
Slowing down your speech can actually make you more interesting to others. This gives them a chance to digest what you are saying. Speaking slower also demonstrates confidences and a relaxed state, while speaking quickly might make you look overly excited, eager, or nervous.
Especially if you are nervous, practice speaking slow. This will help you remain calm, and maintain control.
You are also less likely to stumble over your words if you speak slowly.
Tips
Be true to yourself. There is nothing more attractive than a person on their path. Follow through with your goals and aspirations.
Be yourself. Do not change who you are completely because being yourself is important.
Make the people you’re socializing with feel appreciated and supported. Let it show that you're paying attention to them. Everyone likes it when they have support from another person, and they'll generally like those people more.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:20",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Taking Care of Your Body\\n1-1. Embrace a healthy lifestyle\\nA healthy body is very often considered an attractive trait. This doesn't mean you need to become a body builder or marathon runner. Start by making basic healthy decisions in your everyday life, and take it from there. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle can demonstrate maturity and responsibility, which are attractive traits to a potential mate.\\nStudies show that 12% body fat in men, and 20% body fat in women is a good goal to strive for. In men, a 12% body fat ratio increases testosterone levels and boosts immune system.\\nWomen have more body fat than men, and at a 20% ratio, a women's curves are more defined.\\nEating more fruits and vegetables is a great way to become more vibrant while you diet. Fruits and vegetables are loaded with antioxidants and plant-based pigments, which give skin a healthy glow.\\n1-2. Get your beauty sleep\\nNo matter how groomed you are, or how much make-up you wear, studies have shown that sleep deprived people look less healthy, more tired, and overall less attractive.\\nAim to get 8 hours of sleep each night to fight off red eyes, and other symptoms of sleep deprivation.\\n1-3. Keep yourself well groomed\\nShowers solve most problems. Brush and floss your teeth regularly. Comb your hair. Get regular haircuts. Keep your nails clean. Smell nice. Scent is a strong influencer on attractiveness. Personal hygiene is very important.\\n1-4. Find your center.\\nHealth is a huge contributor to overall attractiveness. You will automatically look more attractive if you look both emotionally and physically healthy. In addition to your diet and exercise, meditation is a powerful tool to relax your mind, lower stress hormones, improve your mood, and clear your skin.\\nWhether it's meditation (focus on your breath), mindfulness (focus on the now), or just paying attention to what is happening in the present moment, these practices will lead you to embody a sense of calm and ease.\\nIt's a slight shift with a big impact. Train yourself to be here now and watch how others respond to your aura of grace.\\n2. Attracting Through Body Language\\n2-1. Stand with an open torso.\\nBe attractive in your body language. Open body language can be more attractive than any outfit. You can use your body language to convey availability and attractiveness.\\nDon’t cross your arms, don’t check your phone in front of your chest, and don’t hug your purse or hold your glass of wine at your canter. Each of these can convey a closed off, unavailable person.\\n2-2. Show your hands.\\nGenerally, when we can’t see someone’s hands, we have difficulty in trusting them. Research shows that a person’s most attractive trait is their availability. When you are socializing, show people that you want to connect with them by keeping your posture open and available.\\nDon’t put your hands in your pockets, under the table, or in your coat. People may be less likely to open up to you if they can't see your hands.\\n2-3. Smile.\\nIt's incredible how important, yet simple this one is. When we smile, we automatically become more approachable, more interesting, and friendlier. Smiling is a huge tool in attractiveness.\\nSmile at people you see, most of them will smile back.\\n2-4. Maintain eye contact.\\nGood eye contact can communicate more than words. Through eye contact you can express that you are engaged, listening, and in the present. You can show that you care about the individual you are looking at.\\nAvoid looking down or shifting your gaze. This can show that you are uninterested.\\nSometimes too much eye contact can come off as creepy or weird. Practice holding eye contact for a second longer than you normally would and focus on something, like the color of the persons eyes. This kind of eye contact is more personable.\\n2-5. Dress to impress.\\nWear clothes that fit you well and flatter your figure. Studies have shown that wearing red can increase your attractiveness to a potential mate.\\nLadies, put on a red dress or wear a little red lipstick.\\nMen who grow a light beard are considered more attractive to some. If you grow facial hair, be sure to keep it well groomed.\\n2-6. Stand tall.\\nKeep your head up and your eyes forward. By walking with a confident stance, you will begin to feel more comfortable within yourself. This is one of the easiest and cheapest ways to become more attractive. Simply stand a little taller.\\n3. Socializing\\n3-1. Listen first.\\nEncourage others to talk about themselves. Shine the spotlight on them. Give them your full attention and appreciation by focusing only on them. When we let people talk about themselves, it triggers pleasure responses in their brain.\\nPut your stuff away. Don't check your phone. Don't glance at your monitor. Don't focus on anything else, even for a moment.\\n3-2. Respond with questions.\\nAsk them about positive things in their life. When they reply, ask them how they are feeling about life in general. Since you’ve already gotten a positive answer to the first question, you are more likely to get a positive answer to the second one, leading to a positive overall experience with you.\\nBecome memorable and attractive through the way you let them express themselves to you.\\n3-3. Select your words carefully.\\nThe words you use can have a huge impact on how you come across to others. Avoid being negative as much as possible. Prioritize positive words over negative ones. We all associate happy, enthusiastic, and fulfilled people with attractiveness. Say things like:\\n\\\"I believe in you.\\\" These four short words can have a huge impact on how people feel both about themselves and about you.\\n\\\"How can I help?\\\" Offering assistance doesn't mean you have to go out of your way to help some, but often we cannot accomplish things alone. Saying this will show someone you are an ally.\\n\\\"Here's what's happening.\\\" No one wants to be left out. If you make an effort to include everyone, they will associate a positive connection with you. Share the information you have to become more likable. You can also use this phrase to demonstrate decisiveness in a positive way.\\n\\\"I'll find out.\\\"\\n\\\"You're welcome.\\\" Somewhere down the road we stopped saying, \\\"You're welcome\\\" and started saying \\\"yep,\\\" and \\\"no problem.\\\" Saying the former establishes that you have done a worthwhile favor, whereas the latter shows that what you have done was insignificant. Use the former to show a person how much you care.\\n3-4. Be playful.\\nLaugh easily. Playfulness, as a personality trait can bring a bunch of positivity to your life and the lives of others. Not only can playfulness help reduce stress levels, but it will also help you appear more confident and comfortable.\\nTake care to tease lightly and play close attention to the other people around you. No matter what your intentions, playfulness isn't attractive if you end up hurting someone's feelings.\\nThere is a time and place for playfulness. If you are in a professional environment, where playfulness is generally not encouraged, save it for when you leave work. However, you can still exercise kindness and warmth.\\n3-5. Speak slower.\\nSlowing down your speech can actually make you more interesting to others. This gives them a chance to digest what you are saying. Speaking slower also demonstrates confidences and a relaxed state, while speaking quickly might make you look overly excited, eager, or nervous.\\nEspecially if you are nervous, practice speaking slow. This will help you remain calm, and maintain control.\\nYou are also less likely to stumble over your words if you speak slowly.\\nTips\\nBe true to yourself. There is nothing more attractive than a person on their path. Follow through with your goals and aspirations.\\nBe yourself. Do not change who you are completely because being yourself is important.\\nMake the people you’re socializing with feel appreciated and supported. Let it show that you're paying attention to them. Everyone likes it when they have support from another person, and they'll generally like those people more.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Are you ready to become a more vibrant, memorable, and attractive person? Are you ready to build your charisma and create strong relationships with others who generally enjoy your company? Stop thinking you are boring or unattractive and take proactive steps to improve your own self-confidence and gain a greater appreciation in the eyes of others.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Taking Care of Your Body\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Embrace a healthy lifestyle\", \"描述\": \"A healthy body is very often considered an attractive trait. This doesn't mean you need to become a body builder or marathon runner. Start by making basic healthy decisions in your everyday life, and take it from there. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle can demonstrate maturity and responsibility, which are attractive traits to a potential mate.\\nStudies show that 12% body fat in men, and 20% body fat in women is a good goal to strive for. In men, a 12% body fat ratio increases testosterone levels and boosts immune system.\\nWomen have more body fat than men, and at a 20% ratio, a women's curves are more defined.\\nEating more fruits and vegetables is a great way to become more vibrant while you diet. Fruits and vegetables are loaded with antioxidants and plant-based pigments, which give skin a healthy glow.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Get your beauty sleep\", \"描述\": \"No matter how groomed you are, or how much make-up you wear, studies have shown that sleep deprived people look less healthy, more tired, and overall less attractive.\\nAim to get 8 hours of sleep each night to fight off red eyes, and other symptoms of sleep deprivation.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Keep yourself well groomed\", \"描述\": \"Showers solve most problems. Brush and floss your teeth regularly. Comb your hair. Get regular haircuts. Keep your nails clean. Smell nice. Scent is a strong influencer on attractiveness. Personal hygiene is very important.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Find your center.\", \"描述\": \"Health is a huge contributor to overall attractiveness. You will automatically look more attractive if you look both emotionally and physically healthy. In addition to your diet and exercise, meditation is a powerful tool to relax your mind, lower stress hormones, improve your mood, and clear your skin.\\nWhether it's meditation (focus on your breath), mindfulness (focus on the now), or just paying attention to what is happening in the present moment, these practices will lead you to embody a sense of calm and ease.\\nIt's a slight shift with a big impact. Train yourself to be here now and watch how others respond to your aura of grace.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Attracting Through Body Language\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Stand with an open torso.\", \"描述\": \"Be attractive in your body language. Open body language can be more attractive than any outfit. You can use your body language to convey availability and attractiveness.\\nDon’t cross your arms, don’t check your phone in front of your chest, and don’t hug your purse or hold your glass of wine at your canter. Each of these can convey a closed off, unavailable person.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Show your hands.\", \"描述\": \"Generally, when we can’t see someone’s hands, we have difficulty in trusting them. Research shows that a person’s most attractive trait is their availability. When you are socializing, show people that you want to connect with them by keeping your posture open and available.\\nDon’t put your hands in your pockets, under the table, or in your coat. People may be less likely to open up to you if they can't see your hands.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Smile.\", \"描述\": \"It's incredible how important, yet simple this one is. When we smile, we automatically become more approachable, more interesting, and friendlier. Smiling is a huge tool in attractiveness.\\nSmile at people you see, most of them will smile back.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Maintain eye contact.\", \"描述\": \"Good eye contact can communicate more than words. Through eye contact you can express that you are engaged, listening, and in the present. You can show that you care about the individual you are looking at.\\nAvoid looking down or shifting your gaze. This can show that you are uninterested.\\nSometimes too much eye contact can come off as creepy or weird. Practice holding eye contact for a second longer than you normally would and focus on something, like the color of the persons eyes. This kind of eye contact is more personable.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Dress to impress.\", \"描述\": \"Wear clothes that fit you well and flatter your figure. Studies have shown that wearing red can increase your attractiveness to a potential mate.\\nLadies, put on a red dress or wear a little red lipstick.\\nMen who grow a light beard are considered more attractive to some. If you grow facial hair, be sure to keep it well groomed.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Stand tall.\", \"描述\": \"Keep your head up and your eyes forward. By walking with a confident stance, you will begin to feel more comfortable within yourself. This is one of the easiest and cheapest ways to become more attractive. Simply stand a little taller.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Socializing\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Listen first.\", \"描述\": \"Encourage others to talk about themselves. Shine the spotlight on them. Give them your full attention and appreciation by focusing only on them. When we let people talk about themselves, it triggers pleasure responses in their brain.\\nPut your stuff away. Don't check your phone. Don't glance at your monitor. Don't focus on anything else, even for a moment.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Respond with questions.\", \"描述\": \"Ask them about positive things in their life. When they reply, ask them how they are feeling about life in general. Since you’ve already gotten a positive answer to the first question, you are more likely to get a positive answer to the second one, leading to a positive overall experience with you.\\nBecome memorable and attractive through the way you let them express themselves to you.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Select your words carefully.\", \"描述\": \"The words you use can have a huge impact on how you come across to others. Avoid being negative as much as possible. Prioritize positive words over negative ones. We all associate happy, enthusiastic, and fulfilled people with attractiveness. Say things like:\\n\\\"I believe in you.\\\" These four short words can have a huge impact on how people feel both about themselves and about you.\\n\\\"How can I help?\\\" Offering assistance doesn't mean you have to go out of your way to help some, but often we cannot accomplish things alone. Saying this will show someone you are an ally.\\n\\\"Here's what's happening.\\\" No one wants to be left out. If you make an effort to include everyone, they will associate a positive connection with you. Share the information you have to become more likable. You can also use this phrase to demonstrate decisiveness in a positive way.\\n\\\"I'll find out.\\\"\\n\\\"You're welcome.\\\" Somewhere down the road we stopped saying, \\\"You're welcome\\\" and started saying \\\"yep,\\\" and \\\"no problem.\\\" Saying the former establishes that you have done a worthwhile favor, whereas the latter shows that what you have done was insignificant. Use the former to show a person how much you care.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be playful.\", \"描述\": \"Laugh easily. Playfulness, as a personality trait can bring a bunch of positivity to your life and the lives of others. Not only can playfulness help reduce stress levels, but it will also help you appear more confident and comfortable.\\nTake care to tease lightly and play close attention to the other people around you. No matter what your intentions, playfulness isn't attractive if you end up hurting someone's feelings.\\nThere is a time and place for playfulness. If you are in a professional environment, where playfulness is generally not encouraged, save it for when you leave work. However, you can still exercise kindness and warmth.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Speak slower.\", \"描述\": \"Slowing down your speech can actually make you more interesting to others. This gives them a chance to digest what you are saying. Speaking slower also demonstrates confidences and a relaxed state, while speaking quickly might make you look overly excited, eager, or nervous.\\nEspecially if you are nervous, practice speaking slow. This will help you remain calm, and maintain control.\\nYou are also less likely to stumble over your words if you speak slowly.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Be true to yourself. There is nothing more attractive than a person on their path. Follow through with your goals and aspirations.\\n\", \"Be yourself. Do not change who you are completely because being yourself is important.\\n\", \"Make the people you’re socializing with feel appreciated and supported. Let it show that you're paying attention to them. Everyone likes it when they have support from another person, and they'll generally like those people more.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,555 | How to Be Attractive to Girls | 1. Presenting Your Appearance
1-1. Become physically fit.
Many people think that you have to lift weights to get fit. This is not the case. You can do a full work out without a gym membership. Push-ups work your chest and triceps massively while crunches work your abs. You also want to try step out of the house for your cardio by biking, running, or swimming.
Do sit ups by putting your calf/feet on the seat of a chair, with your back on the ground. Then put your hands on the back of your head and move your head towards the ceiling.
Exercising not only tones your body to promote your attractiveness, it also gives you more energy and confidence.
1-2. Dress to attract.
Dressing your age tells a lot about your personality. It is proven that a guy who dresses like he is 16 isn’t as attractive as a guy wearing a mature look. You don't have to wear a sport coat but a simple upgrade to your style will help. Invest in chinos and nicer jeans instead of continuing to wear old worn out denim. Go for slim cuts in both your top and bottom. Try out several colors and pick the ones that accent your attributes (hair, skin, and eye color) the most.
Look after your shoes. Discard your sneakers after they start to rip or loss their thread. Care for your leather shoes by treating them twice a year.
Also, a good thing to take into account is the feel of your clothes. When you break the touch barrier, girls like things that feel nice and it's also important that you feel physically comfortable in them.
One technique to attract someone is by wearing an eye-catching outfit.
Scientifically, women are more inclined to be attracted to a man wearing red. It’s the same reason a cop is more inclined to pull over a red sedan over a blue sedan. Red catches the eye.
1-3. Maintain your personal hygiene.
Take care of your body and smell nice. Take a shower everyday and use shampoo and soap products that compliment your body. Find a deodorant that smells good with a pinch of musk. Consider a touch of cologne for those special dates, but never use more than two squirts. Brush your teeth regularly, at least twice a day, and use other dental hygiene-related items like floss and mouthwash.
Consider using lotion for the colder months so your skin stays moist and healthy to the touch.
1-4. Uphold good posture.
This is something simple that'll increase your daily presentation. It is easy to miss this when most jobs require you to slouch over a computer at a desk. Straightening your posture will make you look taller, stronger, and more confident.
Imagine your upper torso is molded on a coat hanger.
1-5. Eat well.
Eating well not only helps with your body image, but it helps yourself in several ways. Improving your diet can increase your energy, confidence, and your general well-being. These factors will help embellish other features of yourself that a woman may find attractive. Start small and be sure to drink enough water everyday (about eight glasses).
Increase the amount of fruits and vegetables you consume.
Avoid carb heavy meals like bread, potatoes, pastas, and rice. You can eat these as long as they are paired with other foods that hold higher nutritional benefits.
2. Having a Good Personality
2-1. Pursue a passion.
Women are attracted to men with a passion in their lives. It is attractive to live outside the cookie cutter routine of eat, work, sleep, and repeat. Pick up a hobby and plan to change your hobby into your passion. Try your hand at a musical instrument, a craft like pottery, cooking, writing, running, rock-climbing, and more.
When you express a sincere passion she will respond positively.
Life is too short not be passionate about something. Don’t be bashful and try your luck at something. There is nothing to lose unless you get into extreme sports.
2-2. Talk to women more often.
Just relax when you’re talking to a girl. Women like it when a guy is direct; they are not mind readers. Speaking to someone you don’t know can produce a lot of anxiety for some. You can approach someone without opening yourself up to being evaluated. Eventually, you'll be confident enough to talk to them in a normal conversation. Try some of these cues:
Ask a small favor like “can you watch my stuff while I get coffee?” This creates attraction from the person doing the favor.
Ask a question. Use whatever situation/location you are in to your advantage. Ask a relevant question like “have you seen this band before?” or “you think Texas could be a country?” Be whimsical if you are feeling it.
2-3. Practice respect and kindness.
A great way to prove yourself to a woman is showing her that you not only respect her, but all women. It is too common for guys to view picking up girls as a macho competition instead of wanting to get to know a woman. You can show respect by listening to what she has to say, respecting her personal space, making sure not to interrupt her, and refraining from making statements like “you wouldn’t want to do that, it’s a guy thing.”
Never make fun of a girl when you’re trying to tease them. A little bit of joking is okay, but avoid anything that could be taken as offensive by someone.
Generosity also goes a long way. No one likes a guy who is too stingy to have a good time. The same can be said about someone who refuses to give a dollar from time to time.
2-4. Take risks to have fun.
Be a fun person by acting on spontaneity. It is attractive and more interesting to be around someone willing to go on an adventure. This can also show her how interesting you can be.
Being silly and having fun also shows you’re confident and not afraid of taking risks.
2-5. Be intellectually curious.
Careful not to be a know-it-all or overly pretentious. Most girls will like a guy who reads from time to time and is interested in the world around him. Put down the video game and pick up a book. Try getting into the habit of reading the news every morning. You’ll have more to add to a conversation when you are on top of current events.
Not every girl cares about this.
2-6. Use your sense of humor.
Making someone laugh is a great thing and it is attractive. It is one of the most desirable traits women look for in a man. Don’t modify your humor to appeal to someone in particular. Your natural humor will attract the type of person who you’ll be able to relax around.
Laughter affects people on a chemical level. It increases the level of serotonin in our brains which causes our brain's function to work more efficiently.
2-7. Be a confident person.
This doesn't always have to do with your looks, but how you think of yourself. Have confidence that you'll achieve your goals. Change your mentality: if you think you're attractive you will be attractive. Thinking positively is the first step, but then to ‘’act’’ positively will increase your self-esteem even more. This can be simple like talking to people in a positive manner and focus your energy into acting this way.
Have ambitions for your life. When you have a serious drive for your life, women will take notice.
Change one of your bad habits. Start small like waking up without hitting snooze two or three times or drinking 64 ounces of water a day. Start small and progressively work to improve yourself in larger ways.
Do something you’ve been procrastinating. There is no time like the present. It can even be a small thing like cleaning your room.
3. Determining Who You are Attracting
3-1. Look for signals of flirting.
There are some universal signals that are used frequently. This is a classic flirt used by women: a girl smiles at you and then lifts her eyebrows quickly while locking into eye contact. Don’t rely on someone to initiate flirting. This will not always happen candidly. Be on the lookout for eye contact and a smile.
Don’t be afraid to make the initial flirt with someone.
3-2. Seek out someone in your league.
Guys and girls are typically attracted to those who are in their league. When people date out of their league, relationships typically suffer because of jealousy or lack of interest. Take a moment to look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself how attractive am I? This could be hard for some and most people need help if they don’t understand what “league” they fall into. Your physical appearance doesn’t take into account everything.
Your attractiveness also depends upon your personality (including your humor), your dance moves, your hobbies, your friends, your family life, and more.
There are successful relationships where members of the couple are out of each other's league. Take this with a grain of salt and know that keeping this in mind will simply make things a little easier for you.
In general, if you feel a connection with someone, you probably have a shot. You are also probably in the same “league” if you feel some type of chemistry. Just go for it!
3-3. Never shy from an opportunity.
Never limit yourself to where you should try to attract someone. You never know when the magic spark will light up. There is still a chance even if you’re working late and on the subway at night. Never shy away from an opportunity to attract a woman.
Flirting in an unusual place like a subway or waiting room shows confidence. You never know until you try it.
Don’t come off as too strong. It is important to seize the moment, but do it in a way where the girl doesn’t feel uncomfortable.
Employ active listening when talking to someone. This will give you more of an opportunity and show her you care. Listen to obtain information, to understand her, for enjoyment, and to learn.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:21",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Presenting Your Appearance\\n1-1. Become physically fit.\\nMany people think that you have to lift weights to get fit. This is not the case. You can do a full work out without a gym membership. Push-ups work your chest and triceps massively while crunches work your abs. You also want to try step out of the house for your cardio by biking, running, or swimming.\\nDo sit ups by putting your calf/feet on the seat of a chair, with your back on the ground. Then put your hands on the back of your head and move your head towards the ceiling.\\nExercising not only tones your body to promote your attractiveness, it also gives you more energy and confidence.\\n1-2. Dress to attract.\\nDressing your age tells a lot about your personality. It is proven that a guy who dresses like he is 16 isn’t as attractive as a guy wearing a mature look. You don't have to wear a sport coat but a simple upgrade to your style will help. Invest in chinos and nicer jeans instead of continuing to wear old worn out denim. Go for slim cuts in both your top and bottom. Try out several colors and pick the ones that accent your attributes (hair, skin, and eye color) the most.\\nLook after your shoes. Discard your sneakers after they start to rip or loss their thread. Care for your leather shoes by treating them twice a year.\\nAlso, a good thing to take into account is the feel of your clothes. When you break the touch barrier, girls like things that feel nice and it's also important that you feel physically comfortable in them.\\nOne technique to attract someone is by wearing an eye-catching outfit.\\nScientifically, women are more inclined to be attracted to a man wearing red. It’s the same reason a cop is more inclined to pull over a red sedan over a blue sedan. Red catches the eye.\\n1-3. Maintain your personal hygiene.\\nTake care of your body and smell nice. Take a shower everyday and use shampoo and soap products that compliment your body. Find a deodorant that smells good with a pinch of musk. Consider a touch of cologne for those special dates, but never use more than two squirts. Brush your teeth regularly, at least twice a day, and use other dental hygiene-related items like floss and mouthwash.\\nConsider using lotion for the colder months so your skin stays moist and healthy to the touch.\\n1-4. Uphold good posture.\\nThis is something simple that'll increase your daily presentation. It is easy to miss this when most jobs require you to slouch over a computer at a desk. Straightening your posture will make you look taller, stronger, and more confident.\\nImagine your upper torso is molded on a coat hanger.\\n1-5. Eat well.\\nEating well not only helps with your body image, but it helps yourself in several ways. Improving your diet can increase your energy, confidence, and your general well-being. These factors will help embellish other features of yourself that a woman may find attractive. Start small and be sure to drink enough water everyday (about eight glasses).\\nIncrease the amount of fruits and vegetables you consume.\\nAvoid carb heavy meals like bread, potatoes, pastas, and rice. You can eat these as long as they are paired with other foods that hold higher nutritional benefits.\\n2. Having a Good Personality\\n2-1. Pursue a passion.\\nWomen are attracted to men with a passion in their lives. It is attractive to live outside the cookie cutter routine of eat, work, sleep, and repeat. Pick up a hobby and plan to change your hobby into your passion. Try your hand at a musical instrument, a craft like pottery, cooking, writing, running, rock-climbing, and more.\\nWhen you express a sincere passion she will respond positively.\\nLife is too short not be passionate about something. Don’t be bashful and try your luck at something. There is nothing to lose unless you get into extreme sports.\\n2-2. Talk to women more often.\\nJust relax when you’re talking to a girl. Women like it when a guy is direct; they are not mind readers. Speaking to someone you don’t know can produce a lot of anxiety for some. You can approach someone without opening yourself up to being evaluated. Eventually, you'll be confident enough to talk to them in a normal conversation. Try some of these cues:\\nAsk a small favor like “can you watch my stuff while I get coffee?” This creates attraction from the person doing the favor.\\nAsk a question. Use whatever situation/location you are in to your advantage. Ask a relevant question like “have you seen this band before?” or “you think Texas could be a country?” Be whimsical if you are feeling it.\\n2-3. Practice respect and kindness.\\nA great way to prove yourself to a woman is showing her that you not only respect her, but all women. It is too common for guys to view picking up girls as a macho competition instead of wanting to get to know a woman. You can show respect by listening to what she has to say, respecting her personal space, making sure not to interrupt her, and refraining from making statements like “you wouldn’t want to do that, it’s a guy thing.”\\nNever make fun of a girl when you’re trying to tease them. A little bit of joking is okay, but avoid anything that could be taken as offensive by someone.\\nGenerosity also goes a long way. No one likes a guy who is too stingy to have a good time. The same can be said about someone who refuses to give a dollar from time to time.\\n2-4. Take risks to have fun.\\nBe a fun person by acting on spontaneity. It is attractive and more interesting to be around someone willing to go on an adventure. This can also show her how interesting you can be.\\nBeing silly and having fun also shows you’re confident and not afraid of taking risks.\\n2-5. Be intellectually curious.\\nCareful not to be a know-it-all or overly pretentious. Most girls will like a guy who reads from time to time and is interested in the world around him. Put down the video game and pick up a book. Try getting into the habit of reading the news every morning. You’ll have more to add to a conversation when you are on top of current events.\\nNot every girl cares about this.\\n2-6. Use your sense of humor.\\nMaking someone laugh is a great thing and it is attractive. It is one of the most desirable traits women look for in a man. Don’t modify your humor to appeal to someone in particular. Your natural humor will attract the type of person who you’ll be able to relax around.\\nLaughter affects people on a chemical level. It increases the level of serotonin in our brains which causes our brain's function to work more efficiently.\\n2-7. Be a confident person.\\nThis doesn't always have to do with your looks, but how you think of yourself. Have confidence that you'll achieve your goals. Change your mentality: if you think you're attractive you will be attractive. Thinking positively is the first step, but then to ‘’act’’ positively will increase your self-esteem even more. This can be simple like talking to people in a positive manner and focus your energy into acting this way.\\nHave ambitions for your life. When you have a serious drive for your life, women will take notice.\\nChange one of your bad habits. Start small like waking up without hitting snooze two or three times or drinking 64 ounces of water a day. Start small and progressively work to improve yourself in larger ways.\\nDo something you’ve been procrastinating. There is no time like the present. It can even be a small thing like cleaning your room.\\n3. Determining Who You are Attracting\\n3-1. Look for signals of flirting.\\nThere are some universal signals that are used frequently. This is a classic flirt used by women: a girl smiles at you and then lifts her eyebrows quickly while locking into eye contact. Don’t rely on someone to initiate flirting. This will not always happen candidly. Be on the lookout for eye contact and a smile.\\nDon’t be afraid to make the initial flirt with someone.\\n3-2. Seek out someone in your league.\\nGuys and girls are typically attracted to those who are in their league. When people date out of their league, relationships typically suffer because of jealousy or lack of interest. Take a moment to look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself how attractive am I? This could be hard for some and most people need help if they don’t understand what “league” they fall into. Your physical appearance doesn’t take into account everything.\\nYour attractiveness also depends upon your personality (including your humor), your dance moves, your hobbies, your friends, your family life, and more.\\nThere are successful relationships where members of the couple are out of each other's league. Take this with a grain of salt and know that keeping this in mind will simply make things a little easier for you.\\nIn general, if you feel a connection with someone, you probably have a shot. You are also probably in the same “league” if you feel some type of chemistry. Just go for it!\\n3-3. Never shy from an opportunity.\\nNever limit yourself to where you should try to attract someone. You never know when the magic spark will light up. There is still a chance even if you’re working late and on the subway at night. Never shy away from an opportunity to attract a woman.\\nFlirting in an unusual place like a subway or waiting room shows confidence. You never know until you try it.\\nDon’t come off as too strong. It is important to seize the moment, but do it in a way where the girl doesn’t feel uncomfortable.\\nEmploy active listening when talking to someone. This will give you more of an opportunity and show her you care. Listen to obtain information, to understand her, for enjoyment, and to learn.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being attractive to girls is about figuring out your best qualities and making them shine. Pursuing your passions and being kind and respectful will get you a long way. You don't need to change who you are to be more attractive. You just want to work on being the best you that you can be!\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Presenting Your Appearance\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Become physically fit.\", \"描述\": \"Many people think that you have to lift weights to get fit. This is not the case. You can do a full work out without a gym membership. Push-ups work your chest and triceps massively while crunches work your abs. You also want to try step out of the house for your cardio by biking, running, or swimming.\\nDo sit ups by putting your calf/feet on the seat of a chair, with your back on the ground. Then put your hands on the back of your head and move your head towards the ceiling.\\nExercising not only tones your body to promote your attractiveness, it also gives you more energy and confidence.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Dress to attract.\", \"描述\": \"Dressing your age tells a lot about your personality. It is proven that a guy who dresses like he is 16 isn’t as attractive as a guy wearing a mature look. You don't have to wear a sport coat but a simple upgrade to your style will help. Invest in chinos and nicer jeans instead of continuing to wear old worn out denim. Go for slim cuts in both your top and bottom. Try out several colors and pick the ones that accent your attributes (hair, skin, and eye color) the most.\\nLook after your shoes. Discard your sneakers after they start to rip or loss their thread. Care for your leather shoes by treating them twice a year.\\nAlso, a good thing to take into account is the feel of your clothes. When you break the touch barrier, girls like things that feel nice and it's also important that you feel physically comfortable in them.\\nOne technique to attract someone is by wearing an eye-catching outfit.\\nScientifically, women are more inclined to be attracted to a man wearing red. It’s the same reason a cop is more inclined to pull over a red sedan over a blue sedan. Red catches the eye.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Maintain your personal hygiene.\", \"描述\": \"Take care of your body and smell nice. Take a shower everyday and use shampoo and soap products that compliment your body. Find a deodorant that smells good with a pinch of musk. Consider a touch of cologne for those special dates, but never use more than two squirts. Brush your teeth regularly, at least twice a day, and use other dental hygiene-related items like floss and mouthwash.\\nConsider using lotion for the colder months so your skin stays moist and healthy to the touch.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Uphold good posture.\", \"描述\": \"This is something simple that'll increase your daily presentation. It is easy to miss this when most jobs require you to slouch over a computer at a desk. Straightening your posture will make you look taller, stronger, and more confident.\\nImagine your upper torso is molded on a coat hanger.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Eat well.\", \"描述\": \"Eating well not only helps with your body image, but it helps yourself in several ways. Improving your diet can increase your energy, confidence, and your general well-being. These factors will help embellish other features of yourself that a woman may find attractive. Start small and be sure to drink enough water everyday (about eight glasses).\\nIncrease the amount of fruits and vegetables you consume.\\nAvoid carb heavy meals like bread, potatoes, pastas, and rice. You can eat these as long as they are paired with other foods that hold higher nutritional benefits.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Having a Good Personality\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Pursue a passion.\", \"描述\": \"Women are attracted to men with a passion in their lives. It is attractive to live outside the cookie cutter routine of eat, work, sleep, and repeat. Pick up a hobby and plan to change your hobby into your passion. Try your hand at a musical instrument, a craft like pottery, cooking, writing, running, rock-climbing, and more.\\nWhen you express a sincere passion she will respond positively.\\nLife is too short not be passionate about something. Don’t be bashful and try your luck at something. There is nothing to lose unless you get into extreme sports.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Talk to women more often.\", \"描述\": \"Just relax when you’re talking to a girl. Women like it when a guy is direct; they are not mind readers. Speaking to someone you don’t know can produce a lot of anxiety for some. You can approach someone without opening yourself up to being evaluated. Eventually, you'll be confident enough to talk to them in a normal conversation. Try some of these cues:\\nAsk a small favor like “can you watch my stuff while I get coffee?” This creates attraction from the person doing the favor.\\nAsk a question. Use whatever situation/location you are in to your advantage. Ask a relevant question like “have you seen this band before?” or “you think Texas could be a country?” Be whimsical if you are feeling it.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Practice respect and kindness.\", \"描述\": \"A great way to prove yourself to a woman is showing her that you not only respect her, but all women. It is too common for guys to view picking up girls as a macho competition instead of wanting to get to know a woman. You can show respect by listening to what she has to say, respecting her personal space, making sure not to interrupt her, and refraining from making statements like “you wouldn’t want to do that, it’s a guy thing.”\\nNever make fun of a girl when you’re trying to tease them. A little bit of joking is okay, but avoid anything that could be taken as offensive by someone.\\nGenerosity also goes a long way. No one likes a guy who is too stingy to have a good time. The same can be said about someone who refuses to give a dollar from time to time.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Take risks to have fun.\", \"描述\": \"Be a fun person by acting on spontaneity. It is attractive and more interesting to be around someone willing to go on an adventure. This can also show her how interesting you can be.\\nBeing silly and having fun also shows you’re confident and not afraid of taking risks.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be intellectually curious.\", \"描述\": \"Careful not to be a know-it-all or overly pretentious. Most girls will like a guy who reads from time to time and is interested in the world around him. Put down the video game and pick up a book. Try getting into the habit of reading the news every morning. You’ll have more to add to a conversation when you are on top of current events.\\nNot every girl cares about this.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Use your sense of humor.\", \"描述\": \"Making someone laugh is a great thing and it is attractive. It is one of the most desirable traits women look for in a man. Don’t modify your humor to appeal to someone in particular. Your natural humor will attract the type of person who you’ll be able to relax around.\\nLaughter affects people on a chemical level. It increases the level of serotonin in our brains which causes our brain's function to work more efficiently.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Be a confident person.\", \"描述\": \"This doesn't always have to do with your looks, but how you think of yourself. Have confidence that you'll achieve your goals. Change your mentality: if you think you're attractive you will be attractive. Thinking positively is the first step, but then to ‘’act’’ positively will increase your self-esteem even more. This can be simple like talking to people in a positive manner and focus your energy into acting this way.\\nHave ambitions for your life. When you have a serious drive for your life, women will take notice.\\nChange one of your bad habits. Start small like waking up without hitting snooze two or three times or drinking 64 ounces of water a day. Start small and progressively work to improve yourself in larger ways.\\nDo something you’ve been procrastinating. There is no time like the present. It can even be a small thing like cleaning your room.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Determining Who You are Attracting\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Look for signals of flirting.\", \"描述\": \"There are some universal signals that are used frequently. This is a classic flirt used by women: a girl smiles at you and then lifts her eyebrows quickly while locking into eye contact. Don’t rely on someone to initiate flirting. This will not always happen candidly. Be on the lookout for eye contact and a smile.\\nDon’t be afraid to make the initial flirt with someone.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Seek out someone in your league.\", \"描述\": \"Guys and girls are typically attracted to those who are in their league. When people date out of their league, relationships typically suffer because of jealousy or lack of interest. Take a moment to look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself how attractive am I? This could be hard for some and most people need help if they don’t understand what “league” they fall into. Your physical appearance doesn’t take into account everything.\\nYour attractiveness also depends upon your personality (including your humor), your dance moves, your hobbies, your friends, your family life, and more.\\nThere are successful relationships where members of the couple are out of each other's league. Take this with a grain of salt and know that keeping this in mind will simply make things a little easier for you.\\nIn general, if you feel a connection with someone, you probably have a shot. You are also probably in the same “league” if you feel some type of chemistry. Just go for it!\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Never shy from an opportunity.\", \"描述\": \"Never limit yourself to where you should try to attract someone. You never know when the magic spark will light up. There is still a chance even if you’re working late and on the subway at night. Never shy away from an opportunity to attract a woman.\\nFlirting in an unusual place like a subway or waiting room shows confidence. You never know until you try it.\\nDon’t come off as too strong. It is important to seize the moment, but do it in a way where the girl doesn’t feel uncomfortable.\\nEmploy active listening when talking to someone. This will give you more of an opportunity and show her you care. Listen to obtain information, to understand her, for enjoyment, and to learn.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,556 | How to Be Authentic | 1. Engaging Your Authentic Self
1-1. Accept yourself for who you are.
Accepting yourself often requires a mental attitude adjustment. Try to be slower to criticize yourself or see yourself as inferior to others. Focus on accepting and appreciating who you are as a unique individual. This will lead to authentic behaviors in line with your personality.
This includes accepting your flaws. Being comfortable with yourself requires you to accept that you are not perfect, and means that you should embrace your quirks and the distinct parts of your personality.
For example, it's fine if you have hobbies or interests that differ from those of your friends. Explore the things that interest you, and over time, you'll meet other people who share the same passions.
1-2. Support your self-esteem.
Every person has valid thoughts and ideas, and is gifted and intelligent in unique ways. It is hard to act in a way that is genuine to your personality if you doubt yourself or lack confidence in yourself. People who lack self-esteem often try to act like people they perceive to be confident, or preen and act as if they're overly confident. This is a key sign of inauthenticity.
For example, people with poor self-esteem may dress in the same way that more popular people do, or listen to the same type of music as people that they think are popular. Instead of this, follow your own interests, whether or not other people share them.
If you have some emotional baggage, give yourself the time to think about it and move on if possible. Talk to a therapist or a counselor if necessary.
1-3. Act on your personal beliefs and values.
Authentic people are in touch with their moral compass and their personal set of beliefs. This includes religious beliefs, moral beliefs, and beliefs of any other kind. These beliefs should be evident in your daily behaviors. Many people unthinkingly adopt a partner's, parent's or friend's beliefs without figuring out if they are right for you.
For example, if you say that all people should be treated equally and yet show obvious disdain for certain types of people, you will not be perceived as authentic. Or, if friends are drinking alcohol or eating types of food which you believe are unethical to eat, ask them to stop or excuse yourself from the situation.
Find your values by identifying what makes you happy and when you were the proudest. Figure out when you feel satisfied.
You can also think about how you want to give back to the world, then use that as a guideline for how you want to spend your time and energy.
1-4. Put time into personal growth.
There is a great deal of authenticity to be found in growing yourself and pursuing interests that fulfill you as a person. This can be done through classes, volunteering or hobbies.
In contrast, inauthentic people often neglect the things that interest them in favor of pursuing whatever they believe to be popular or socially required of them.
When you're taking care of yourself, and you're being mindful of how you spend your time and energy, you'll often find that you'll feel better physically and mentally, and you'll likely be more productive and motivated.
2. Behaving Authentically
2-1. Be fully present in whatever circumstances you find yourself.
Being present will lead to greater authenticity because you'll be able to fully focus on the experiences, conversations, and interactions you're having in the present moment. The people you're engaging with will be able to tell you're engaged and present, and will perceive this as a sign of personal authenticity.
On the other hand, inauthentic people are inclined to let their minds wander during interpersonal interactions. In interpersonal settings, this behavior can be perceived as insincere or rude.
2-2. Trust your intuition when it comes to behavior and relationships.
Intuition is the inner voice or gut reaction which helps you make decisions and informs your behavior. In terms of ethical decisions, your personal intuition can also form a “moral compass” to help guide you in making personal decisions.
Following your intuition will help you make consistent decisions and act in a stable way, rather than making decisions based on what you perceive to be popular opinion or social expectation.
2-3. Express
Talk about your opinion when it matters to you. Authentic people are comfortable speaking their mind and communicating when they have a problem or are appreciative of something. If you feel inhibited to speak your mind, or realize that you frequently only say what you think those around you expect to hear, you're likely behaving in-authentically.
For example, express gratitude to those around you. Try saying something like, “Mom and Dad, I wanted to say thank you for helping me with my car payments last month. I know money is tight, but the extra cash made a big difference for me.”
2-4. Ask people for help when you need it.
Genuine people accept that they aren't perfect and ask for help when needed. Authenticity is not the same thing as perfection. Asking those around you for help is a sign of humility and authenticity, and shows that you respect the skills and talents of the people in your life.
For example, if you've been struggling with your mental health and a friend is a professional counselor, ask them if they can recommend an associate who you can contact for counseling or therapy.
Or, if you have persistent car trouble, reach out to your co-worker who moonlights as an auto mechanic.
In a work environment, it's easier to get your colleagues help if you communicate your needs as an invitation to do something, instead of a burden that's been inflicted on them.
2-5. Be vulnerable.
Share personal information about yourself and be open about your flaws as you start to trust others. Don't reveal everything if you don't need to. If you keep your true self hidden, you'll find it hard to build an authentic relationship.
3. Treating Other People with Authenticity
3-1. Don't put on a different face or personality for social functions.
In order to be authentic, simply be yourself in all social and interpersonal contexts. It can be tempting to act the way you think others want you to act, or to posture and act like you have an inflated ego in order to impress new acquaintances. However, these behaviors are not authentic, and other people will see through them quickly.
Of course, it's only natural to slightly modify your behavior and vocabulary around certain people. You talk to your boss differently than you talk to your partner or spouse.
3-2. Don't tell lies unless they're absolutely necessary.
Honesty is a key component of authenticity. If lying is a routine part of your behavior, eventually your friends and other people in your life will catch on. Most likely, they'll find your lies very inauthentic.
You can remain authentic despite a lie or two, depending on the circumstance. For example, if you attend a dinner party but find the food distasteful, it's okay to say, “I'm not very hungry; I'll only have a salad.”
3-3. Maintain long-term relationships.
Build trust and respect with other people. A key sign of authenticity is the ability to form and maintain lasting friendships, as well as romantic and professional relationships. Long-term relationships are not built overnight but are rewarding and self-affirming.
Inauthentic people are often unable to maintain long-term relationships. Inauthentic behaviors, like putting on airs, telling lies, or not having consistent personal values, can prevent lasting relationships from forming.
Learn to be okay with being rejected. If you don't have a fear of rejection, it will be easier to maintain a relationship.
Tips
Healthy communication is a key element of being authentic. If you are uncomfortable with communication, then focus on building this skill. Talk to others, take classes or be part of a group that encourages open communication.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:21",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Engaging Your Authentic Self\\n1-1. Accept yourself for who you are.\\nAccepting yourself often requires a mental attitude adjustment. Try to be slower to criticize yourself or see yourself as inferior to others. Focus on accepting and appreciating who you are as a unique individual. This will lead to authentic behaviors in line with your personality.\\nThis includes accepting your flaws. Being comfortable with yourself requires you to accept that you are not perfect, and means that you should embrace your quirks and the distinct parts of your personality.\\nFor example, it's fine if you have hobbies or interests that differ from those of your friends. Explore the things that interest you, and over time, you'll meet other people who share the same passions.\\n1-2. Support your self-esteem.\\nEvery person has valid thoughts and ideas, and is gifted and intelligent in unique ways. It is hard to act in a way that is genuine to your personality if you doubt yourself or lack confidence in yourself. People who lack self-esteem often try to act like people they perceive to be confident, or preen and act as if they're overly confident. This is a key sign of inauthenticity.\\nFor example, people with poor self-esteem may dress in the same way that more popular people do, or listen to the same type of music as people that they think are popular. Instead of this, follow your own interests, whether or not other people share them.\\nIf you have some emotional baggage, give yourself the time to think about it and move on if possible. Talk to a therapist or a counselor if necessary.\\n1-3. Act on your personal beliefs and values.\\nAuthentic people are in touch with their moral compass and their personal set of beliefs. This includes religious beliefs, moral beliefs, and beliefs of any other kind. These beliefs should be evident in your daily behaviors. Many people unthinkingly adopt a partner's, parent's or friend's beliefs without figuring out if they are right for you.\\nFor example, if you say that all people should be treated equally and yet show obvious disdain for certain types of people, you will not be perceived as authentic. Or, if friends are drinking alcohol or eating types of food which you believe are unethical to eat, ask them to stop or excuse yourself from the situation.\\nFind your values by identifying what makes you happy and when you were the proudest. Figure out when you feel satisfied.\\nYou can also think about how you want to give back to the world, then use that as a guideline for how you want to spend your time and energy.\\n1-4. Put time into personal growth.\\nThere is a great deal of authenticity to be found in growing yourself and pursuing interests that fulfill you as a person. This can be done through classes, volunteering or hobbies.\\nIn contrast, inauthentic people often neglect the things that interest them in favor of pursuing whatever they believe to be popular or socially required of them.\\nWhen you're taking care of yourself, and you're being mindful of how you spend your time and energy, you'll often find that you'll feel better physically and mentally, and you'll likely be more productive and motivated.\\n2. Behaving Authentically\\n2-1. Be fully present in whatever circumstances you find yourself.\\nBeing present will lead to greater authenticity because you'll be able to fully focus on the experiences, conversations, and interactions you're having in the present moment. The people you're engaging with will be able to tell you're engaged and present, and will perceive this as a sign of personal authenticity.\\nOn the other hand, inauthentic people are inclined to let their minds wander during interpersonal interactions. In interpersonal settings, this behavior can be perceived as insincere or rude.\\n2-2. Trust your intuition when it comes to behavior and relationships.\\nIntuition is the inner voice or gut reaction which helps you make decisions and informs your behavior. In terms of ethical decisions, your personal intuition can also form a “moral compass” to help guide you in making personal decisions.\\nFollowing your intuition will help you make consistent decisions and act in a stable way, rather than making decisions based on what you perceive to be popular opinion or social expectation.\\n2-3. Express\\nTalk about your opinion when it matters to you. Authentic people are comfortable speaking their mind and communicating when they have a problem or are appreciative of something. If you feel inhibited to speak your mind, or realize that you frequently only say what you think those around you expect to hear, you're likely behaving in-authentically.\\nFor example, express gratitude to those around you. Try saying something like, “Mom and Dad, I wanted to say thank you for helping me with my car payments last month. I know money is tight, but the extra cash made a big difference for me.”\\n2-4. Ask people for help when you need it.\\nGenuine people accept that they aren't perfect and ask for help when needed. Authenticity is not the same thing as perfection. Asking those around you for help is a sign of humility and authenticity, and shows that you respect the skills and talents of the people in your life.\\nFor example, if you've been struggling with your mental health and a friend is a professional counselor, ask them if they can recommend an associate who you can contact for counseling or therapy.\\nOr, if you have persistent car trouble, reach out to your co-worker who moonlights as an auto mechanic.\\nIn a work environment, it's easier to get your colleagues help if you communicate your needs as an invitation to do something, instead of a burden that's been inflicted on them.\\n2-5. Be vulnerable.\\nShare personal information about yourself and be open about your flaws as you start to trust others. Don't reveal everything if you don't need to. If you keep your true self hidden, you'll find it hard to build an authentic relationship.\\n3. Treating Other People with Authenticity\\n3-1. Don't put on a different face or personality for social functions.\\nIn order to be authentic, simply be yourself in all social and interpersonal contexts. It can be tempting to act the way you think others want you to act, or to posture and act like you have an inflated ego in order to impress new acquaintances. However, these behaviors are not authentic, and other people will see through them quickly.\\nOf course, it's only natural to slightly modify your behavior and vocabulary around certain people. You talk to your boss differently than you talk to your partner or spouse.\\n3-2. Don't tell lies unless they're absolutely necessary.\\nHonesty is a key component of authenticity. If lying is a routine part of your behavior, eventually your friends and other people in your life will catch on. Most likely, they'll find your lies very inauthentic.\\nYou can remain authentic despite a lie or two, depending on the circumstance. For example, if you attend a dinner party but find the food distasteful, it's okay to say, “I'm not very hungry; I'll only have a salad.”\\n3-3. Maintain long-term relationships.\\nBuild trust and respect with other people. A key sign of authenticity is the ability to form and maintain lasting friendships, as well as romantic and professional relationships. Long-term relationships are not built overnight but are rewarding and self-affirming.\\nInauthentic people are often unable to maintain long-term relationships. Inauthentic behaviors, like putting on airs, telling lies, or not having consistent personal values, can prevent lasting relationships from forming.\\nLearn to be okay with being rejected. If you don't have a fear of rejection, it will be easier to maintain a relationship.\\nTips\\nHealthy communication is a key element of being authentic. If you are uncomfortable with communication, then focus on building this skill. Talk to others, take classes or be part of a group that encourages open communication.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"When a person is authentic, it means that they act in ways that genuinely show how they feel. They do this rather than putting on different faces around different people, or tailoring their personality based on context. Personal authenticity is the daily expression of your core beliefs and personality. To be authentic, you need to accept yourself for who you are, and treat others with respect. Authentic people display a consistent set of values, and don't change their behavior from one conversation to the next.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Engaging Your Authentic Self\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Accept yourself for who you are.\", \"描述\": \"Accepting yourself often requires a mental attitude adjustment. Try to be slower to criticize yourself or see yourself as inferior to others. Focus on accepting and appreciating who you are as a unique individual. This will lead to authentic behaviors in line with your personality.\\nThis includes accepting your flaws. Being comfortable with yourself requires you to accept that you are not perfect, and means that you should embrace your quirks and the distinct parts of your personality.\\nFor example, it's fine if you have hobbies or interests that differ from those of your friends. Explore the things that interest you, and over time, you'll meet other people who share the same passions.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Support your self-esteem.\", \"描述\": \"Every person has valid thoughts and ideas, and is gifted and intelligent in unique ways. It is hard to act in a way that is genuine to your personality if you doubt yourself or lack confidence in yourself. People who lack self-esteem often try to act like people they perceive to be confident, or preen and act as if they're overly confident. This is a key sign of inauthenticity.\\nFor example, people with poor self-esteem may dress in the same way that more popular people do, or listen to the same type of music as people that they think are popular. Instead of this, follow your own interests, whether or not other people share them.\\nIf you have some emotional baggage, give yourself the time to think about it and move on if possible. Talk to a therapist or a counselor if necessary.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Act on your personal beliefs and values.\", \"描述\": \"Authentic people are in touch with their moral compass and their personal set of beliefs. This includes religious beliefs, moral beliefs, and beliefs of any other kind. These beliefs should be evident in your daily behaviors. Many people unthinkingly adopt a partner's, parent's or friend's beliefs without figuring out if they are right for you.\\nFor example, if you say that all people should be treated equally and yet show obvious disdain for certain types of people, you will not be perceived as authentic. Or, if friends are drinking alcohol or eating types of food which you believe are unethical to eat, ask them to stop or excuse yourself from the situation.\\nFind your values by identifying what makes you happy and when you were the proudest. Figure out when you feel satisfied.\\nYou can also think about how you want to give back to the world, then use that as a guideline for how you want to spend your time and energy.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Put time into personal growth.\", \"描述\": \"There is a great deal of authenticity to be found in growing yourself and pursuing interests that fulfill you as a person. This can be done through classes, volunteering or hobbies.\\nIn contrast, inauthentic people often neglect the things that interest them in favor of pursuing whatever they believe to be popular or socially required of them.\\nWhen you're taking care of yourself, and you're being mindful of how you spend your time and energy, you'll often find that you'll feel better physically and mentally, and you'll likely be more productive and motivated.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Behaving Authentically\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be fully present in whatever circumstances you find yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Being present will lead to greater authenticity because you'll be able to fully focus on the experiences, conversations, and interactions you're having in the present moment. The people you're engaging with will be able to tell you're engaged and present, and will perceive this as a sign of personal authenticity.\\nOn the other hand, inauthentic people are inclined to let their minds wander during interpersonal interactions. In interpersonal settings, this behavior can be perceived as insincere or rude.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Trust your intuition when it comes to behavior and relationships.\", \"描述\": \"Intuition is the inner voice or gut reaction which helps you make decisions and informs your behavior. In terms of ethical decisions, your personal intuition can also form a “moral compass” to help guide you in making personal decisions.\\nFollowing your intuition will help you make consistent decisions and act in a stable way, rather than making decisions based on what you perceive to be popular opinion or social expectation.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Express\", \"描述\": \"Talk about your opinion when it matters to you. Authentic people are comfortable speaking their mind and communicating when they have a problem or are appreciative of something. If you feel inhibited to speak your mind, or realize that you frequently only say what you think those around you expect to hear, you're likely behaving in-authentically.\\nFor example, express gratitude to those around you. Try saying something like, “Mom and Dad, I wanted to say thank you for helping me with my car payments last month. I know money is tight, but the extra cash made a big difference for me.”\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Ask people for help when you need it.\", \"描述\": \"Genuine people accept that they aren't perfect and ask for help when needed. Authenticity is not the same thing as perfection. Asking those around you for help is a sign of humility and authenticity, and shows that you respect the skills and talents of the people in your life.\\nFor example, if you've been struggling with your mental health and a friend is a professional counselor, ask them if they can recommend an associate who you can contact for counseling or therapy.\\nOr, if you have persistent car trouble, reach out to your co-worker who moonlights as an auto mechanic.\\nIn a work environment, it's easier to get your colleagues help if you communicate your needs as an invitation to do something, instead of a burden that's been inflicted on them.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be vulnerable.\", \"描述\": \"Share personal information about yourself and be open about your flaws as you start to trust others. Don't reveal everything if you don't need to. If you keep your true self hidden, you'll find it hard to build an authentic relationship.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Treating Other People with Authenticity\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Don't put on a different face or personality for social functions.\", \"描述\": \"In order to be authentic, simply be yourself in all social and interpersonal contexts. It can be tempting to act the way you think others want you to act, or to posture and act like you have an inflated ego in order to impress new acquaintances. However, these behaviors are not authentic, and other people will see through them quickly.\\nOf course, it's only natural to slightly modify your behavior and vocabulary around certain people. You talk to your boss differently than you talk to your partner or spouse.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Don't tell lies unless they're absolutely necessary.\", \"描述\": \"Honesty is a key component of authenticity. If lying is a routine part of your behavior, eventually your friends and other people in your life will catch on. Most likely, they'll find your lies very inauthentic.\\nYou can remain authentic despite a lie or two, depending on the circumstance. For example, if you attend a dinner party but find the food distasteful, it's okay to say, “I'm not very hungry; I'll only have a salad.”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Maintain long-term relationships.\", \"描述\": \"Build trust and respect with other people. A key sign of authenticity is the ability to form and maintain lasting friendships, as well as romantic and professional relationships. Long-term relationships are not built overnight but are rewarding and self-affirming.\\nInauthentic people are often unable to maintain long-term relationships. Inauthentic behaviors, like putting on airs, telling lies, or not having consistent personal values, can prevent lasting relationships from forming.\\nLearn to be okay with being rejected. If you don't have a fear of rejection, it will be easier to maintain a relationship.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Healthy communication is a key element of being authentic. If you are uncomfortable with communication, then focus on building this skill. Talk to others, take classes or be part of a group that encourages open communication.\\n\"]}]}}",
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3,557 | How to Be Awesome | 1. Using a Talent To Inspire Awe
1-1. Develop a talent.
Whatever your talent is, pursue it. People who become "awesome" at what they do invest a lot of time into getting there. Who ever said that being awesome was easy?
Some theories say that it takes about 10,000 hours of practice before you can truly master something. Now, that's a lot of hours, and it's totally possible to have an awesome talent before even 1,000 hours of practice. But the people who really have amazing, awe-inspiring talent — Bill Gates, Mozart, Feliks Zemdegs — spent a lot of time preparing to be awesome.
While you're practicing your talent, find ways to motivate yourself. Break your goal down into small chunks. Reward yourself with free time, a snack, or that new video game after you've achieved what you wanted to achieve.
1-2. Show off
You could be the most amazing dancer or writer in the world, but you won't inspire awe in people if they never see your talent. Being awesome, by definition, means putting yourself out there, no matter how scary that is. However remember not to show off too much, like bragging for instance, for people might think you're being a show-off.
Start small. Once in a blue moon, people will start developing a talent and have instant success. For us mortals, it usually takes a while for that talent to develop. So start small. Work yourself up to greatness.
At the same time, think of the "biggest stage" your talent can be showcased in. Magicians want to pack auditoriums in Vegas. Singers want to have a #1 Billboard single. Soccer players want to win a World Cup. Don't be afraid to dream big when practicing your talent. That's part of what keeps you going.
1-3. Get feedback.
Whether it's from a coach, a parent, or a panel, getting advice on what you can do to get better at your talent is absolutely essential. A famous poet once said, "No man is an island." What John Donne meant by that is that you need to rely on other people to help you out. You can't do everything by yourself.
Always ask other experts in related fields how you can get better. Your desire to be awesome is directly related to your willingness to develop your talent into the best it can be. Ask other magicians for help; reach out to actors for techniques; attend basketball camps to develop your skills.
1-4. Have a mentor.
A mentor is someone who is experienced in your field and willing to give you advice and help with the direction you want to take your talent. Having a mentor is huge for people who want to be awesome because of a talent; a mentor will help them process feedback, get new opportunities to show off talent, and network with other people who might continue to help them out.
Reach out to other people who might act as a mentor. You can say something as simple as "I was hoping I could get some advice from the world's best flutist about the flute solo in Tchaikovsky's Symphony No. 2. Any help would be greatly appreciated!"
Understand what other people get out of being a mentor. A mentor isn't a one-sided relationship, the master just showing the pupil how to get things done. The mentor gets value and happiness out of knowing that they helped you succeed, that they helped mold you into a more dedicated, awesome individual. That's huge!
Show your mentor respect. You might think that your mentor's advice is a little off the mark, but try it before you dismiss it. There's a reason s/he's an expert and you aren't. Respect them by taking their advice very seriously.
1-5. Learn from your failures.
It's a given that when developing a talent, you're going to fail every so often. If you didn't fail, you wouldn't be human. Many people give up when they fail. If you want to be awesome, what you'll have to do is get right back up, shake it off, and learn from your mistakes, not let them keep you down.
Get your ego out of the picture. Not only will this help you shake off your mistakes more easily, it will help you develop a more selfless, humble attitude. If you didn't already know it, most people think people who exhibit greatness but still manage to be humble are "especially awesome".
2. Using Your Personality To Inspire Awe
2-1. Be funny
All but the most hardened cynics like someone who can make them smile and laugh. That's why being funny is a huge part of using your personality to be awesome. The good and the bad part about comedy is that there's no one way to do it. That means that you can develop your own sense of what's funny by being totally original, but it also means that there's not really a "how-to" manual for being funny.
Be funny with words. Puns and wordplay are a great way to be awesomely funny because we use words all the time. Consider these examples of great wordplay:
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde.
"Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses." - Dorothy Parker.
Use physical comedy to get laughter. Physical comedy can include impressions of other people, learning how to mime, or slapstick comedy. Pick one, experiment with it, and try incorporating it into your funny routine.
Tell great stories. We think people who tell great, comedic stories are funny because we live for stories. Stories make us feel human, and so someone who can tell a great yarn delights us. Learn the basics of storytelling to feel even more awesome than you already are.
2-2. Be adventurous.
Being adventurous means turning everyday opportunities into excuses to find adventure. Remember, you don't need to be Indiana Jones to be adventurous; you just need to be willing to take the road less traveled every once in a while.
Travel to new, interesting places. Traveling doesn't need to mean dropping lots of money or taking lots of time. Try going someplace close you've never been. You'll learn about new places, have a new notch under your belt, and will get a chance to convince the locals there how awesome you can be.
Learn about unexpected things. Being adventurous can also mean taking a journey of the mind. Now, that sounds cheesy, but it's absolutely true. The most awesome people in the world travel to novel, exciting, distant places in their minds as well as on their feet.
Don't be afraid to break away from the pack if it's what you want to do. Sometimes, an awesome person will be adventurous by following his/her heart and set out on their own, against the advice of other people. Be adventurous by doing what you want to do, not what other people want you to do.
2-3. Unlock your inner awesome.
The most awesome people aren't even aware of their awesomeness. They just are, without thinking about it too much. The awesomeness must come from a place within you. You can never force it out.
Try not to focus on "being awesome." Instead, focus on the things that will make you awesome, like developing a way to convert certain recyclables into bio-diesel, or learning how to play pool with hockey pucks on ice. That way, people will be overwhelmed by your awesomeness before they have time to question it.
2-4. Express your awesome traits through style.
Develop a style that is entirely your own. Don't mimic a style that you think is hip; make your own style hip by believing completely in it and never questioning what other people say about it.
Perhaps have a trade-mark accessory by which everyone will recognize you as soon as they see it. Use it, but don't abuse it. Shake off any criticism you may get from other people (they're probably jealous or insecure) and wear it with confidence.
Sometimes, having no style is as much of a statement. Some people genuinely don't care about fashion, clothes, or accessories. Lots of people celebrate that because those people are usually absorbed in other things. If you're this kind of person, be comfortable with your lack of style. Don't judge others for spending more time on clothing.
2-5. Have a fun personality
Realize that your personality says more about you as a person that your looks or appearance, although those can be important. Be nice, understanding, friendly, giving, and charming (both inside and out). People don't like a mean, selfish, unfriendly, boring person.
Some traits that people generally think of as "awesome":
Dedication/faithfulness. You are supremely dedicated to whatever you start, and are faithful to a fault.
Reliability. You are someone who can always be depended on when people need you, for whatever reason.
Kindness/generosity. You are willing to literally give the shirt off your back if you can afford to, and if it means that it will make someone else happy.
Ambition. Although your goals are lofty, you would never step over someone to achieve them.
Perspective. You can tell the forest from the trees; you know that the simple things in life — friends, family, love, health — are too often the most overlooked.
Principle. You know what you believe in, and you have good reasons for holding those beliefs.
3. Inspiring Awe Through Giving
3-1. Be a role model to younger kids.
You can be a role model in so many different ways. Consider this, however: if you do decide to help out kids, be sure you're doing it for the right reasons. Helping kids just because you want to be viewed as awesome is a little bit like going on a diet because you want people to like you, not because you want to be healthy.
Volunteer as a teacher. Teach kids how to read, how to perform basic math, or how to value exercise. Hold onto your patience and remember that not every kid learns material the same way!
Be a mentor to a kid. In the same way that you might have needed a mentor, kids need mentors, too. They want reliable information about relationships, drugs, careers, and life. You can be that source of guidance for a child you take a liking to.
Carve out time just to hang out. If you're happy, positive, responsible, and mature, kids will be happy just to hang out with you. You won't have to do much to be awesome in their eyes. Lend them a bit of your time and you may find that simply hanging out can be lots of fun.
3-2. Get involved in politics.
How often do we complain about politics? All the time. How often do we do anything about it? Not very much. Running for office is a great way to make a difference in your community by testing your political chops. Plus, who can say that they actually ran for office? That's pretty awesome!
If you're younger, think about getting involved in student government. It may not have the reach that municipal, state, or federal government has, but it's just as important to the people around you. You'll learn a whole lot more about yourself the more you participate.
3-3. Help people less privileged than you.
There's no legal responsibility to be charitable, but there might be a moral responsibility. If you were helped out by someone on your life journey, or if you just believe in the principle, think about paying it forward. Help the less advantaged find their way.
Get connected through your local church group. If you're part of a community of believers, ask members of your church if they know how you might get involved in charity work. Often, your church will have programs or information about how normal people can best help.
Consider making a microloan. A microloan is a small amount of money ($20, for example) that you lend out to other people through a lending institution. The people who get the loan are usually from very poor countries; they use the money to build hospitals, schools, generators, or simply to farm. After they have used the loan, you get the money back. It's a great way to make a difference around the world.
Do random acts of kindness. Hold the door open for a person struggling to make the bus; give a homeless person the rest of your take-out lunch; tell your colleague how much you value their hard work. These small acts of kindness take almost no energy or resources to complete, and can have a huge impact.
3-4. Get involved in a cause that you believe in.
What do you believe in? Do you believe in animal rights? Get involved in PETA or a similar organization. Do you believe in fighting global warming? Get involved in green energy solutions. Do you believe in basic financial literacy? Get involved in guerrilla economics. Whatever it is you believe in, being awesome is all about showing the world what makes you tick.
Tips
Be for the sake of being, not for the sake of others' seeing. In other words, be awesome because YOU want to, not because you feel you have to seem awesome to others.
Awesomeness will come from inside you. You probably don't know it's there. But it is inside everyone, it's just waiting for you to open that door and set it free.
Learn to speak a foreign language. People look up to those who can do what they cannot.
Warnings
Don't go around bragging about how awesome you are. If you're already awesome enough, people will see it.
Do not try to become someone you are not, because while you might gain others' admiration, you might lose self-respect which is worse. But you can start doing new things or changing interests.
Don't give out many free things to other people, or else people will only think you're awesome because you give them stuff. Not true awesomeness.
Do not do stupid things. Being awesome doesn't necessarily mean that you have to do something dangerous, especially if it involves someone else who's unwilling to do it.
Never ever copy someone that people already enjoy. Be yourself!
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"create_time": "20230517 10:50:21",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Using a Talent To Inspire Awe\\n1-1. Develop a talent.\\nWhatever your talent is, pursue it. People who become \\\"awesome\\\" at what they do invest a lot of time into getting there. Who ever said that being awesome was easy?\\nSome theories say that it takes about 10,000 hours of practice before you can truly master something. Now, that's a lot of hours, and it's totally possible to have an awesome talent before even 1,000 hours of practice. But the people who really have amazing, awe-inspiring talent — Bill Gates, Mozart, Feliks Zemdegs — spent a lot of time preparing to be awesome.\\nWhile you're practicing your talent, find ways to motivate yourself. Break your goal down into small chunks. Reward yourself with free time, a snack, or that new video game after you've achieved what you wanted to achieve.\\n1-2. Show off\\nYou could be the most amazing dancer or writer in the world, but you won't inspire awe in people if they never see your talent. Being awesome, by definition, means putting yourself out there, no matter how scary that is. However remember not to show off too much, like bragging for instance, for people might think you're being a show-off. \\nStart small. Once in a blue moon, people will start developing a talent and have instant success. For us mortals, it usually takes a while for that talent to develop. So start small. Work yourself up to greatness.\\nAt the same time, think of the \\\"biggest stage\\\" your talent can be showcased in. Magicians want to pack auditoriums in Vegas. Singers want to have a #1 Billboard single. Soccer players want to win a World Cup. Don't be afraid to dream big when practicing your talent. That's part of what keeps you going.\\n1-3. Get feedback.\\nWhether it's from a coach, a parent, or a panel, getting advice on what you can do to get better at your talent is absolutely essential. A famous poet once said, \\\"No man is an island.\\\" What John Donne meant by that is that you need to rely on other people to help you out. You can't do everything by yourself.\\nAlways ask other experts in related fields how you can get better. Your desire to be awesome is directly related to your willingness to develop your talent into the best it can be. Ask other magicians for help; reach out to actors for techniques; attend basketball camps to develop your skills.\\n1-4. Have a mentor.\\nA mentor is someone who is experienced in your field and willing to give you advice and help with the direction you want to take your talent. Having a mentor is huge for people who want to be awesome because of a talent; a mentor will help them process feedback, get new opportunities to show off talent, and network with other people who might continue to help them out.\\nReach out to other people who might act as a mentor. You can say something as simple as \\\"I was hoping I could get some advice from the world's best flutist about the flute solo in Tchaikovsky's Symphony No. 2. Any help would be greatly appreciated!\\\"\\nUnderstand what other people get out of being a mentor. A mentor isn't a one-sided relationship, the master just showing the pupil how to get things done. The mentor gets value and happiness out of knowing that they helped you succeed, that they helped mold you into a more dedicated, awesome individual. That's huge!\\nShow your mentor respect. You might think that your mentor's advice is a little off the mark, but try it before you dismiss it. There's a reason s/he's an expert and you aren't. Respect them by taking their advice very seriously.\\n1-5. Learn from your failures.\\nIt's a given that when developing a talent, you're going to fail every so often. If you didn't fail, you wouldn't be human. Many people give up when they fail. If you want to be awesome, what you'll have to do is get right back up, shake it off, and learn from your mistakes, not let them keep you down.\\nGet your ego out of the picture. Not only will this help you shake off your mistakes more easily, it will help you develop a more selfless, humble attitude. If you didn't already know it, most people think people who exhibit greatness but still manage to be humble are \\\"especially awesome\\\".\\n2. Using Your Personality To Inspire Awe\\n2-1. Be funny\\nAll but the most hardened cynics like someone who can make them smile and laugh. That's why being funny is a huge part of using your personality to be awesome. The good and the bad part about comedy is that there's no one way to do it. That means that you can develop your own sense of what's funny by being totally original, but it also means that there's not really a \\\"how-to\\\" manual for being funny.\\nBe funny with words. Puns and wordplay are a great way to be awesomely funny because we use words all the time. Consider these examples of great wordplay:\\n\\\"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.\\\" - Oscar Wilde.\\n\\\"Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.\\\" - Dorothy Parker.\\n\\nUse physical comedy to get laughter. Physical comedy can include impressions of other people, learning how to mime, or slapstick comedy. Pick one, experiment with it, and try incorporating it into your funny routine.\\nTell great stories. We think people who tell great, comedic stories are funny because we live for stories. Stories make us feel human, and so someone who can tell a great yarn delights us. Learn the basics of storytelling to feel even more awesome than you already are.\\n2-2. Be adventurous.\\nBeing adventurous means turning everyday opportunities into excuses to find adventure. Remember, you don't need to be Indiana Jones to be adventurous; you just need to be willing to take the road less traveled every once in a while.\\nTravel to new, interesting places. Traveling doesn't need to mean dropping lots of money or taking lots of time. Try going someplace close you've never been. You'll learn about new places, have a new notch under your belt, and will get a chance to convince the locals there how awesome you can be.\\nLearn about unexpected things. Being adventurous can also mean taking a journey of the mind. Now, that sounds cheesy, but it's absolutely true. The most awesome people in the world travel to novel, exciting, distant places in their minds as well as on their feet.\\nDon't be afraid to break away from the pack if it's what you want to do. Sometimes, an awesome person will be adventurous by following his/her heart and set out on their own, against the advice of other people. Be adventurous by doing what you want to do, not what other people want you to do.\\n2-3. Unlock your inner awesome.\\nThe most awesome people aren't even aware of their awesomeness. They just are, without thinking about it too much. The awesomeness must come from a place within you. You can never force it out.\\nTry not to focus on \\\"being awesome.\\\" Instead, focus on the things that will make you awesome, like developing a way to convert certain recyclables into bio-diesel, or learning how to play pool with hockey pucks on ice. That way, people will be overwhelmed by your awesomeness before they have time to question it.\\n2-4. Express your awesome traits through style.\\nDevelop a style that is entirely your own. Don't mimic a style that you think is hip; make your own style hip by believing completely in it and never questioning what other people say about it.\\nPerhaps have a trade-mark accessory by which everyone will recognize you as soon as they see it. Use it, but don't abuse it. Shake off any criticism you may get from other people (they're probably jealous or insecure) and wear it with confidence.\\nSometimes, having no style is as much of a statement. Some people genuinely don't care about fashion, clothes, or accessories. Lots of people celebrate that because those people are usually absorbed in other things. If you're this kind of person, be comfortable with your lack of style. Don't judge others for spending more time on clothing.\\n2-5. Have a fun personality\\nRealize that your personality says more about you as a person that your looks or appearance, although those can be important. Be nice, understanding, friendly, giving, and charming (both inside and out). People don't like a mean, selfish, unfriendly, boring person.\\nSome traits that people generally think of as \\\"awesome\\\":\\nDedication/faithfulness. You are supremely dedicated to whatever you start, and are faithful to a fault.\\nReliability. You are someone who can always be depended on when people need you, for whatever reason.\\nKindness/generosity. You are willing to literally give the shirt off your back if you can afford to, and if it means that it will make someone else happy.\\nAmbition. Although your goals are lofty, you would never step over someone to achieve them.\\nPerspective. You can tell the forest from the trees; you know that the simple things in life — friends, family, love, health — are too often the most overlooked.\\nPrinciple. You know what you believe in, and you have good reasons for holding those beliefs.\\n3. Inspiring Awe Through Giving\\n3-1. Be a role model to younger kids.\\nYou can be a role model in so many different ways. Consider this, however: if you do decide to help out kids, be sure you're doing it for the right reasons. Helping kids just because you want to be viewed as awesome is a little bit like going on a diet because you want people to like you, not because you want to be healthy.\\nVolunteer as a teacher. Teach kids how to read, how to perform basic math, or how to value exercise. Hold onto your patience and remember that not every kid learns material the same way!\\nBe a mentor to a kid. In the same way that you might have needed a mentor, kids need mentors, too. They want reliable information about relationships, drugs, careers, and life. You can be that source of guidance for a child you take a liking to.\\nCarve out time just to hang out. If you're happy, positive, responsible, and mature, kids will be happy just to hang out with you. You won't have to do much to be awesome in their eyes. Lend them a bit of your time and you may find that simply hanging out can be lots of fun.\\n3-2. Get involved in politics.\\nHow often do we complain about politics? All the time. How often do we do anything about it? Not very much. Running for office is a great way to make a difference in your community by testing your political chops. Plus, who can say that they actually ran for office? That's pretty awesome!\\nIf you're younger, think about getting involved in student government. It may not have the reach that municipal, state, or federal government has, but it's just as important to the people around you. You'll learn a whole lot more about yourself the more you participate.\\n3-3. Help people less privileged than you.\\nThere's no legal responsibility to be charitable, but there might be a moral responsibility. If you were helped out by someone on your life journey, or if you just believe in the principle, think about paying it forward. Help the less advantaged find their way.\\nGet connected through your local church group. If you're part of a community of believers, ask members of your church if they know how you might get involved in charity work. Often, your church will have programs or information about how normal people can best help.\\nConsider making a microloan. A microloan is a small amount of money ($20, for example) that you lend out to other people through a lending institution. The people who get the loan are usually from very poor countries; they use the money to build hospitals, schools, generators, or simply to farm. After they have used the loan, you get the money back. It's a great way to make a difference around the world.\\nDo random acts of kindness. Hold the door open for a person struggling to make the bus; give a homeless person the rest of your take-out lunch; tell your colleague how much you value their hard work. These small acts of kindness take almost no energy or resources to complete, and can have a huge impact.\\n3-4. Get involved in a cause that you believe in.\\nWhat do you believe in? Do you believe in animal rights? Get involved in PETA or a similar organization. Do you believe in fighting global warming? Get involved in green energy solutions. Do you believe in basic financial literacy? Get involved in guerrilla economics. Whatever it is you believe in, being awesome is all about showing the world what makes you tick.\\nTips\\nBe for the sake of being, not for the sake of others' seeing. In other words, be awesome because YOU want to, not because you feel you have to seem awesome to others.\\nAwesomeness will come from inside you. You probably don't know it's there. But it is inside everyone, it's just waiting for you to open that door and set it free.\\nLearn to speak a foreign language. People look up to those who can do what they cannot.\\nWarnings\\nDon't go around bragging about how awesome you are. If you're already awesome enough, people will see it.\\nDo not try to become someone you are not, because while you might gain others' admiration, you might lose self-respect which is worse. But you can start doing new things or changing interests.\\nDon't give out many free things to other people, or else people will only think you're awesome because you give them stuff. Not true awesomeness.\\nDo not do stupid things. Being awesome doesn't necessarily mean that you have to do something dangerous, especially if it involves someone else who's unwilling to do it.\\nNever ever copy someone that people already enjoy. Be yourself!\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being awesome, quite literally, means to elicit awe. Awe is not something people express much these days. So to be truly awesome, you must find a way to inspire this rare reaction. There are a lot of ways to be awesome, so don't treat what you are about to read as the only way to be awesome. Being awesome is being redefined each and every day. Maybe you can be the person who helps redefine it.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Using a Talent To Inspire Awe\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Develop a talent.\", \"描述\": \"Whatever your talent is, pursue it. People who become \\\"awesome\\\" at what they do invest a lot of time into getting there. Who ever said that being awesome was easy?\\nSome theories say that it takes about 10,000 hours of practice before you can truly master something. Now, that's a lot of hours, and it's totally possible to have an awesome talent before even 1,000 hours of practice. But the people who really have amazing, awe-inspiring talent — Bill Gates, Mozart, Feliks Zemdegs — spent a lot of time preparing to be awesome.\\nWhile you're practicing your talent, find ways to motivate yourself. Break your goal down into small chunks. Reward yourself with free time, a snack, or that new video game after you've achieved what you wanted to achieve.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Show off\", \"描述\": \"You could be the most amazing dancer or writer in the world, but you won't inspire awe in people if they never see your talent. Being awesome, by definition, means putting yourself out there, no matter how scary that is. However remember not to show off too much, like bragging for instance, for people might think you're being a show-off. \\nStart small. Once in a blue moon, people will start developing a talent and have instant success. For us mortals, it usually takes a while for that talent to develop. So start small. Work yourself up to greatness.\\nAt the same time, think of the \\\"biggest stage\\\" your talent can be showcased in. Magicians want to pack auditoriums in Vegas. Singers want to have a #1 Billboard single. Soccer players want to win a World Cup. Don't be afraid to dream big when practicing your talent. That's part of what keeps you going.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Get feedback.\", \"描述\": \"Whether it's from a coach, a parent, or a panel, getting advice on what you can do to get better at your talent is absolutely essential. A famous poet once said, \\\"No man is an island.\\\" What John Donne meant by that is that you need to rely on other people to help you out. You can't do everything by yourself.\\nAlways ask other experts in related fields how you can get better. Your desire to be awesome is directly related to your willingness to develop your talent into the best it can be. Ask other magicians for help; reach out to actors for techniques; attend basketball camps to develop your skills.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Have a mentor.\", \"描述\": \"A mentor is someone who is experienced in your field and willing to give you advice and help with the direction you want to take your talent. Having a mentor is huge for people who want to be awesome because of a talent; a mentor will help them process feedback, get new opportunities to show off talent, and network with other people who might continue to help them out.\\nReach out to other people who might act as a mentor. You can say something as simple as \\\"I was hoping I could get some advice from the world's best flutist about the flute solo in Tchaikovsky's Symphony No. 2. Any help would be greatly appreciated!\\\"\\nUnderstand what other people get out of being a mentor. A mentor isn't a one-sided relationship, the master just showing the pupil how to get things done. The mentor gets value and happiness out of knowing that they helped you succeed, that they helped mold you into a more dedicated, awesome individual. That's huge!\\nShow your mentor respect. You might think that your mentor's advice is a little off the mark, but try it before you dismiss it. There's a reason s/he's an expert and you aren't. Respect them by taking their advice very seriously.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Learn from your failures.\", \"描述\": \"It's a given that when developing a talent, you're going to fail every so often. If you didn't fail, you wouldn't be human. Many people give up when they fail. If you want to be awesome, what you'll have to do is get right back up, shake it off, and learn from your mistakes, not let them keep you down.\\nGet your ego out of the picture. Not only will this help you shake off your mistakes more easily, it will help you develop a more selfless, humble attitude. If you didn't already know it, most people think people who exhibit greatness but still manage to be humble are \\\"especially awesome\\\".\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Using Your Personality To Inspire Awe\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be funny\", \"描述\": \"All but the most hardened cynics like someone who can make them smile and laugh. That's why being funny is a huge part of using your personality to be awesome. The good and the bad part about comedy is that there's no one way to do it. That means that you can develop your own sense of what's funny by being totally original, but it also means that there's not really a \\\"how-to\\\" manual for being funny.\\nBe funny with words. Puns and wordplay are a great way to be awesomely funny because we use words all the time. Consider these examples of great wordplay:\\n\\\"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.\\\" - Oscar Wilde.\\n\\\"Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.\\\" - Dorothy Parker.\\n\\nUse physical comedy to get laughter. Physical comedy can include impressions of other people, learning how to mime, or slapstick comedy. Pick one, experiment with it, and try incorporating it into your funny routine.\\nTell great stories. We think people who tell great, comedic stories are funny because we live for stories. Stories make us feel human, and so someone who can tell a great yarn delights us. Learn the basics of storytelling to feel even more awesome than you already are.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be adventurous.\", \"描述\": \"Being adventurous means turning everyday opportunities into excuses to find adventure. Remember, you don't need to be Indiana Jones to be adventurous; you just need to be willing to take the road less traveled every once in a while.\\nTravel to new, interesting places. Traveling doesn't need to mean dropping lots of money or taking lots of time. Try going someplace close you've never been. You'll learn about new places, have a new notch under your belt, and will get a chance to convince the locals there how awesome you can be.\\nLearn about unexpected things. Being adventurous can also mean taking a journey of the mind. Now, that sounds cheesy, but it's absolutely true. The most awesome people in the world travel to novel, exciting, distant places in their minds as well as on their feet.\\nDon't be afraid to break away from the pack if it's what you want to do. Sometimes, an awesome person will be adventurous by following his/her heart and set out on their own, against the advice of other people. Be adventurous by doing what you want to do, not what other people want you to do.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Unlock your inner awesome.\", \"描述\": \"The most awesome people aren't even aware of their awesomeness. They just are, without thinking about it too much. The awesomeness must come from a place within you. You can never force it out.\\nTry not to focus on \\\"being awesome.\\\" Instead, focus on the things that will make you awesome, like developing a way to convert certain recyclables into bio-diesel, or learning how to play pool with hockey pucks on ice. That way, people will be overwhelmed by your awesomeness before they have time to question it.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Express your awesome traits through style.\", \"描述\": \"Develop a style that is entirely your own. Don't mimic a style that you think is hip; make your own style hip by believing completely in it and never questioning what other people say about it.\\nPerhaps have a trade-mark accessory by which everyone will recognize you as soon as they see it. Use it, but don't abuse it. Shake off any criticism you may get from other people (they're probably jealous or insecure) and wear it with confidence.\\nSometimes, having no style is as much of a statement. Some people genuinely don't care about fashion, clothes, or accessories. Lots of people celebrate that because those people are usually absorbed in other things. If you're this kind of person, be comfortable with your lack of style. Don't judge others for spending more time on clothing.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Have a fun personality\", \"描述\": \"Realize that your personality says more about you as a person that your looks or appearance, although those can be important. Be nice, understanding, friendly, giving, and charming (both inside and out). People don't like a mean, selfish, unfriendly, boring person.\\nSome traits that people generally think of as \\\"awesome\\\":\\nDedication/faithfulness. You are supremely dedicated to whatever you start, and are faithful to a fault.\\nReliability. You are someone who can always be depended on when people need you, for whatever reason.\\nKindness/generosity. You are willing to literally give the shirt off your back if you can afford to, and if it means that it will make someone else happy.\\nAmbition. Although your goals are lofty, you would never step over someone to achieve them.\\nPerspective. You can tell the forest from the trees; you know that the simple things in life — friends, family, love, health — are too often the most overlooked.\\nPrinciple. You know what you believe in, and you have good reasons for holding those beliefs.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Inspiring Awe Through Giving\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be a role model to younger kids.\", \"描述\": \"You can be a role model in so many different ways. Consider this, however: if you do decide to help out kids, be sure you're doing it for the right reasons. Helping kids just because you want to be viewed as awesome is a little bit like going on a diet because you want people to like you, not because you want to be healthy.\\nVolunteer as a teacher. Teach kids how to read, how to perform basic math, or how to value exercise. Hold onto your patience and remember that not every kid learns material the same way!\\nBe a mentor to a kid. In the same way that you might have needed a mentor, kids need mentors, too. They want reliable information about relationships, drugs, careers, and life. You can be that source of guidance for a child you take a liking to.\\nCarve out time just to hang out. If you're happy, positive, responsible, and mature, kids will be happy just to hang out with you. You won't have to do much to be awesome in their eyes. Lend them a bit of your time and you may find that simply hanging out can be lots of fun.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Get involved in politics.\", \"描述\": \"How often do we complain about politics? All the time. How often do we do anything about it? Not very much. Running for office is a great way to make a difference in your community by testing your political chops. Plus, who can say that they actually ran for office? That's pretty awesome!\\nIf you're younger, think about getting involved in student government. It may not have the reach that municipal, state, or federal government has, but it's just as important to the people around you. You'll learn a whole lot more about yourself the more you participate.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Help people less privileged than you.\", \"描述\": \"There's no legal responsibility to be charitable, but there might be a moral responsibility. If you were helped out by someone on your life journey, or if you just believe in the principle, think about paying it forward. Help the less advantaged find their way.\\nGet connected through your local church group. If you're part of a community of believers, ask members of your church if they know how you might get involved in charity work. Often, your church will have programs or information about how normal people can best help.\\nConsider making a microloan. A microloan is a small amount of money ($20, for example) that you lend out to other people through a lending institution. The people who get the loan are usually from very poor countries; they use the money to build hospitals, schools, generators, or simply to farm. After they have used the loan, you get the money back. It's a great way to make a difference around the world.\\nDo random acts of kindness. Hold the door open for a person struggling to make the bus; give a homeless person the rest of your take-out lunch; tell your colleague how much you value their hard work. These small acts of kindness take almost no energy or resources to complete, and can have a huge impact.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Get involved in a cause that you believe in.\", \"描述\": \"What do you believe in? Do you believe in animal rights? Get involved in PETA or a similar organization. Do you believe in fighting global warming? Get involved in green energy solutions. Do you believe in basic financial literacy? Get involved in guerrilla economics. Whatever it is you believe in, being awesome is all about showing the world what makes you tick.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Be for the sake of being, not for the sake of others' seeing. In other words, be awesome because YOU want to, not because you feel you have to seem awesome to others.\\n\", \"Awesomeness will come from inside you. You probably don't know it's there. But it is inside everyone, it's just waiting for you to open that door and set it free.\\n\", \"Learn to speak a foreign language. People look up to those who can do what they cannot.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Don't go around bragging about how awesome you are. If you're already awesome enough, people will see it.\\n\", \"Do not try to become someone you are not, because while you might gain others' admiration, you might lose self-respect which is worse. But you can start doing new things or changing interests.\\n\", \"Don't give out many free things to other people, or else people will only think you're awesome because you give them stuff. Not true awesomeness.\\n\", \"Do not do stupid things. Being awesome doesn't necessarily mean that you have to do something dangerous, especially if it involves someone else who's unwilling to do it.\\n\", \"Never ever copy someone that people already enjoy. Be yourself!\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,558 | How to Be Beautiful | 1. Expressing Your Personal Style
1-1. Get a hairstyle that flatters your face.
First, use a tube of lipstick to trace your face on a mirror. Then, figure out what your face shape is by looking at the outline. Next, pick a hairstyle that looks great on your unique face shape. Print out pictures of the haircut you want to show them to your stylist.
Common face shapes include oval, round, square, heart, and long.
If you’re having trouble picking out a hairstyle, get your hair trimmed to just above your shoulders, with layering. This style is considered the “perfect haircut” because it looks great on everyone.
Hats and hair accessories are also a great option for styling your hair. Use them to show off your personal style.
1-2. Wear makeup if it makes you feel good.
You don’t need to wear makeup to be beautiful, but do it if it makes you happy. Use a foundation, tinted moisturizer, or BB cream to even out your skin tone. Then, play around with blush, eyeshadow, and lipstick that make you feel confident.
Do a natural makeup look if you don’t want to look like you’re wearing makeup.
Do either a bold lip or a dramatic eye. You don’t want to do both at the same time because your look will be too overwhelming.
1-3. Wear clothes that flatter your body and make you feel great.
Every body shape can be beautiful, so don’t worry about your size. Instead, focus on choosing pieces that show off your assets and make you feel your best. Donate any pieces that don’t make you feel fabulous.
Try on everything in your wardrobe and only keep the clothes you love.
Show off what makes you feel confident. For instance, wear short skirts to show off your legs or a backless top to show off a sculpted back.
Look for great brands and really unique pieces for affordable prices at consignment shops or thrift shops.
Try taking a picture of every single outfit you wear for 2 weeks. This helps you start to take an inventory of your clothes and figure out which ones you gravitate toward.
Find fashion photos on Instagram or Pinterest that really speak to you. Once you've collected a few different pictures and screenshots, see if they have anything in common. For instance, if most of the pictures include people wearing hats, you might start wearing a hat in your own outfits.
2. Practicing Self-Care
2-1. Practice good hygiene by bathing daily and using personal products.
Take a bath or shower at least once a day to keep yourself clean. Additionally, apply deodorant to control your body odor, and use a moisturizer to keep your skin soft and nourished. This will help you maintain clean, healthy skin.
Use a mild soap or body wash to cleanse your body.
Wash your hair 2-3 times a week or as needed. Use conditioner after washing your hair or between washes to keep your hair soft and smooth.
2-2. Wash and moisturize your face twice a day.
Use a mild cleanser and warm water to clean your face. Pat your face dry with a clean towel. Then, follow with a facial moisturizer to seal in the moisture. Do this every morning and evening for healthy skin.
Choose a lightweight day cream for the morning and a thicker night cream for use before bed.
Exfoliate your skin twice a week with a chemical or manual exfoliator. For instance, an exfoliating face wash works great.
2-3. Care for your skin by applying sunscreen and staying hydrated.
Cover your skin in sunscreen before spending time outdoors. Doing so will protect you from sun damage and wrinkles. Additionally, drink at least 2 to 10 cups (0.47 to 2.37 L) of water daily so you stay hydrated. This will keep your skin soft and supple with moisture.
Choose a broad spectrum sunscreen that’s at least SPF 15.
Covering your skin with clothing and wearing a hat to protect your scalp and face will give you better protection against the sun.
2-4. Care for your hands and feet, including your nails.
Your hands and feet go through a lot every day, so give them lots of care. Apply moisturizer to your hands and feet daily before bed. Additionally, trim and file your nails weekly so they are in good shape.
If you like, paint your fingernails or toenails once a week. You don’t need to do this to be beautiful, but it might make you feel good.
2-5. Brush your teeth twice a day to maintain your smile.
Choose a toothpaste that contains fluoride to protect against cavities. This will keep your teeth clean and healthy, which will give you a healthy smile. Make a habit of brushing every morning after you wake up and every evening before bed.
Floss before you brush once a day, such as before bed.
Get a dental check-up and cleaning every 6 months to keep your smile clean and healthy.
If you feel like your teeth are discolored, try teeth whitening solutions.
2-6. Support your health by exercising daily and eating nutritious foods.
Healthy bodies come in all shapes and sizes. The best way to keep your body healthy is to eat well and stay active. Talk to your doctor to find out if you need to make changes to your diet or exercise regimen.
Aim to get 150 minutes of exercise every week or to exercise at least 30 minutes a day 5-7 days a week.
Build your meals around lean proteins and fresh produce. Avoid foods that are processed or high in sugar. However, it’s okay to eat your favorite foods in moderation, so don’t feel like you need to restrict yourself.
You can find vitamins that are formulated to support beautiful skin, luscious hair, and healthy nails. However, ask your doctor before adding these to your diet.
3. Showing Your Inner Beauty
3-1. Be authentic by staying true to who you are.
Being your true self is essential for developing your inner beauty. Reflect on your values, interests, and goals in life. Then, pursue what makes you happy. You can develop your authenticity by doing the following activities:
Notice how you feel in different situations, then do more of what feels right.
Be open and honest with your friends.
Don’t worry about being perfect because no one is.
Be present in each moment by focusing on your 5 senses.
3-2. Express gratitude for the good things in your life.
Being grateful for what you have will make your inner beauty shine. Instead of complaining about what’s lacking in your life, focus on your blessings. Celebrate the people who are important to you, the talents or skills you possess, the opportunities you have, and the small comforts you enjoy. Here are some ways to express your gratitude:
Keep a gratitude journal to record the things you’re thankful for.
Send your close friends cards that tell them how much they mean to you.
Give small and meaningful gifts, like a poetry book, necklace, or painted stone.
Tell your loved ones how you feel about them.
Call people to check on them.
3-3. Be generous with what you have.
You don’t need a lot of money to have abundance in life. You may be rich in time, talent, or creativity. Share what you have with others to help make people happy. This will help you have inner beauty. Here are some great ways to be generous:
Let people borrow your stuff.
Give your time to help others.
Share a meal with people in need.
Bring snacks and drinks when you go to events.
Give gifts to people in need around the holidays.
3-4. Maintain healthy relationships.
Living with constant conflict and dealing with people who are toxic can drain you. This makes it hard to have inner beauty because you’re upset or exhausted all of the time. Instead, surround yourself with supportive, positive people who help you be your best self. Make sure you’re giving your friends, relatives, and partners the time, attention, and support that they need, as well.
Make time for your friends, especially those who’ve been there for you for awhile.
Make new friends to keep you growing and learning as a person.
Nurture healthy relationships with family members.
Avoid spending time with people who are toxic for you.
3-5. Let go of bad feelings so you radiate goodness.
Carrying around anger, sadness, and hate will weigh you down. While it’s hard to let go of your feelings when you’ve been hurt, doing so will help you find freedom. If you’re feeling negative emotions, identify them and why you feel that way. Then, release your emotions by sharing them. This will help you move on.
Release your emotions by talking to someone, by journaling, or by exercising when you feel upset. You might also find that being creative helps you find peace.
If you’re struggling to let go of something that happened to you, write a letter to the person responsible, but don’t send it. Instead, tear up or burn the letter to release your feelings.
If you’re struggling to let go of bad feelings, it may be best to see a counselor or therapist.
3-6. Get involved in your community by volunteering.
Helping others and giving back are both great ways to develop inner beauty. Not only will other people recognize your goodness, you’ll also feel better about yourself. Here are some great ways to get involved:
Raise money for a local animal shelter.
Buy from local businesses to help your community thrive.
Volunteer at a local festival.
Throw a block party for your neighbors.
Start a book club for your community.
Volunteer as a reading tutor at your local library or community center.
3-7. Look for spiritual truth.
You can choose to follow a religious path or to look within yourself for what feels like the truth. Connect with your inner spirit by meditating, praying, or reflecting on your values. Decide what’s important to you and then pursue your own version of the truth. This will help you develop your inner beauty.
If you have a chosen religious or spiritual path, read or listen to the great teachers who share your beliefs.
Learn about different spiritual paths if you’re comfortable broadening your horizons.
Find a way to see yourself as part of something larger so that you can be more compassionate toward your fellow humans.
3-8. Seek wisdom by learning more and keeping an open mind.
Inner beauty means developing understanding and being open to how others experience life. Be a lifetime learner by constantly reading and listening to others. Additionally, allow others to be who they are and try to learn from their experiences.
Meditate or reflect on your actions.
Read the works of wise people. You can learn a lot from novelists, poets, or historians. Reading can help you gain knowledge and put your ideas into perspective.
Listen carefully to the ideas of people you genuinely respect.
Explore different cultures through books, movies, and museums. You might even decide to learn a new language!
Tips
You aren't shallow if you want to focus on your outward looks as well as on inner beauty. Just make sure that you don't sacrifice one for the other.
Make sure you get enough sleep. This will help avoid dark bags under the eyes
Keep working on improvements to be more beautiful everyday.
Warnings
If you're being bullied because of the way you look or act, then talk to someone right away. Remember that people do love you, and it does get better.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:21",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Expressing Your Personal Style\\n1-1. Get a hairstyle that flatters your face.\\nFirst, use a tube of lipstick to trace your face on a mirror. Then, figure out what your face shape is by looking at the outline. Next, pick a hairstyle that looks great on your unique face shape. Print out pictures of the haircut you want to show them to your stylist.\\nCommon face shapes include oval, round, square, heart, and long.\\nIf you’re having trouble picking out a hairstyle, get your hair trimmed to just above your shoulders, with layering. This style is considered the “perfect haircut” because it looks great on everyone.\\nHats and hair accessories are also a great option for styling your hair. Use them to show off your personal style.\\n1-2. Wear makeup if it makes you feel good.\\nYou don’t need to wear makeup to be beautiful, but do it if it makes you happy. Use a foundation, tinted moisturizer, or BB cream to even out your skin tone. Then, play around with blush, eyeshadow, and lipstick that make you feel confident.\\nDo a natural makeup look if you don’t want to look like you’re wearing makeup.\\nDo either a bold lip or a dramatic eye. You don’t want to do both at the same time because your look will be too overwhelming.\\n1-3. Wear clothes that flatter your body and make you feel great.\\nEvery body shape can be beautiful, so don’t worry about your size. Instead, focus on choosing pieces that show off your assets and make you feel your best. Donate any pieces that don’t make you feel fabulous.\\nTry on everything in your wardrobe and only keep the clothes you love.\\nShow off what makes you feel confident. For instance, wear short skirts to show off your legs or a backless top to show off a sculpted back.\\nLook for great brands and really unique pieces for affordable prices at consignment shops or thrift shops.\\nTry taking a picture of every single outfit you wear for 2 weeks. This helps you start to take an inventory of your clothes and figure out which ones you gravitate toward.\\nFind fashion photos on Instagram or Pinterest that really speak to you. Once you've collected a few different pictures and screenshots, see if they have anything in common. For instance, if most of the pictures include people wearing hats, you might start wearing a hat in your own outfits.\\n2. Practicing Self-Care\\n2-1. Practice good hygiene by bathing daily and using personal products.\\nTake a bath or shower at least once a day to keep yourself clean. Additionally, apply deodorant to control your body odor, and use a moisturizer to keep your skin soft and nourished. This will help you maintain clean, healthy skin.\\nUse a mild soap or body wash to cleanse your body.\\nWash your hair 2-3 times a week or as needed. Use conditioner after washing your hair or between washes to keep your hair soft and smooth.\\n2-2. Wash and moisturize your face twice a day.\\nUse a mild cleanser and warm water to clean your face. Pat your face dry with a clean towel. Then, follow with a facial moisturizer to seal in the moisture. Do this every morning and evening for healthy skin.\\nChoose a lightweight day cream for the morning and a thicker night cream for use before bed.\\nExfoliate your skin twice a week with a chemical or manual exfoliator. For instance, an exfoliating face wash works great.\\n2-3. Care for your skin by applying sunscreen and staying hydrated.\\nCover your skin in sunscreen before spending time outdoors. Doing so will protect you from sun damage and wrinkles. Additionally, drink at least 2 to 10 cups (0.47 to 2.37 L) of water daily so you stay hydrated. This will keep your skin soft and supple with moisture.\\nChoose a broad spectrum sunscreen that’s at least SPF 15.\\nCovering your skin with clothing and wearing a hat to protect your scalp and face will give you better protection against the sun.\\n2-4. Care for your hands and feet, including your nails.\\nYour hands and feet go through a lot every day, so give them lots of care. Apply moisturizer to your hands and feet daily before bed. Additionally, trim and file your nails weekly so they are in good shape.\\nIf you like, paint your fingernails or toenails once a week. You don’t need to do this to be beautiful, but it might make you feel good.\\n2-5. Brush your teeth twice a day to maintain your smile.\\nChoose a toothpaste that contains fluoride to protect against cavities. This will keep your teeth clean and healthy, which will give you a healthy smile. Make a habit of brushing every morning after you wake up and every evening before bed.\\nFloss before you brush once a day, such as before bed.\\nGet a dental check-up and cleaning every 6 months to keep your smile clean and healthy.\\nIf you feel like your teeth are discolored, try teeth whitening solutions.\\n2-6. Support your health by exercising daily and eating nutritious foods.\\nHealthy bodies come in all shapes and sizes. The best way to keep your body healthy is to eat well and stay active. Talk to your doctor to find out if you need to make changes to your diet or exercise regimen.\\nAim to get 150 minutes of exercise every week or to exercise at least 30 minutes a day 5-7 days a week.\\nBuild your meals around lean proteins and fresh produce. Avoid foods that are processed or high in sugar. However, it’s okay to eat your favorite foods in moderation, so don’t feel like you need to restrict yourself.\\nYou can find vitamins that are formulated to support beautiful skin, luscious hair, and healthy nails. However, ask your doctor before adding these to your diet.\\n3. Showing Your Inner Beauty\\n3-1. Be authentic by staying true to who you are.\\nBeing your true self is essential for developing your inner beauty. Reflect on your values, interests, and goals in life. Then, pursue what makes you happy. You can develop your authenticity by doing the following activities:\\nNotice how you feel in different situations, then do more of what feels right.\\nBe open and honest with your friends.\\nDon’t worry about being perfect because no one is.\\nBe present in each moment by focusing on your 5 senses.\\n3-2. Express gratitude for the good things in your life.\\nBeing grateful for what you have will make your inner beauty shine. Instead of complaining about what’s lacking in your life, focus on your blessings. Celebrate the people who are important to you, the talents or skills you possess, the opportunities you have, and the small comforts you enjoy. Here are some ways to express your gratitude:\\nKeep a gratitude journal to record the things you’re thankful for.\\nSend your close friends cards that tell them how much they mean to you.\\nGive small and meaningful gifts, like a poetry book, necklace, or painted stone.\\nTell your loved ones how you feel about them.\\nCall people to check on them.\\n3-3. Be generous with what you have.\\nYou don’t need a lot of money to have abundance in life. You may be rich in time, talent, or creativity. Share what you have with others to help make people happy. This will help you have inner beauty. Here are some great ways to be generous:\\nLet people borrow your stuff.\\nGive your time to help others.\\nShare a meal with people in need.\\nBring snacks and drinks when you go to events.\\nGive gifts to people in need around the holidays.\\n3-4. Maintain healthy relationships.\\nLiving with constant conflict and dealing with people who are toxic can drain you. This makes it hard to have inner beauty because you’re upset or exhausted all of the time. Instead, surround yourself with supportive, positive people who help you be your best self. Make sure you’re giving your friends, relatives, and partners the time, attention, and support that they need, as well.\\nMake time for your friends, especially those who’ve been there for you for awhile.\\nMake new friends to keep you growing and learning as a person.\\nNurture healthy relationships with family members.\\nAvoid spending time with people who are toxic for you.\\n3-5. Let go of bad feelings so you radiate goodness.\\nCarrying around anger, sadness, and hate will weigh you down. While it’s hard to let go of your feelings when you’ve been hurt, doing so will help you find freedom. If you’re feeling negative emotions, identify them and why you feel that way. Then, release your emotions by sharing them. This will help you move on.\\nRelease your emotions by talking to someone, by journaling, or by exercising when you feel upset. You might also find that being creative helps you find peace.\\nIf you’re struggling to let go of something that happened to you, write a letter to the person responsible, but don’t send it. Instead, tear up or burn the letter to release your feelings.\\nIf you’re struggling to let go of bad feelings, it may be best to see a counselor or therapist.\\n3-6. Get involved in your community by volunteering.\\nHelping others and giving back are both great ways to develop inner beauty. Not only will other people recognize your goodness, you’ll also feel better about yourself. Here are some great ways to get involved:\\nRaise money for a local animal shelter.\\nBuy from local businesses to help your community thrive.\\nVolunteer at a local festival.\\nThrow a block party for your neighbors.\\nStart a book club for your community.\\nVolunteer as a reading tutor at your local library or community center.\\n3-7. Look for spiritual truth.\\nYou can choose to follow a religious path or to look within yourself for what feels like the truth. Connect with your inner spirit by meditating, praying, or reflecting on your values. Decide what’s important to you and then pursue your own version of the truth. This will help you develop your inner beauty.\\nIf you have a chosen religious or spiritual path, read or listen to the great teachers who share your beliefs.\\nLearn about different spiritual paths if you’re comfortable broadening your horizons.\\nFind a way to see yourself as part of something larger so that you can be more compassionate toward your fellow humans.\\n3-8. Seek wisdom by learning more and keeping an open mind.\\nInner beauty means developing understanding and being open to how others experience life. Be a lifetime learner by constantly reading and listening to others. Additionally, allow others to be who they are and try to learn from their experiences.\\nMeditate or reflect on your actions.\\nRead the works of wise people. You can learn a lot from novelists, poets, or historians. Reading can help you gain knowledge and put your ideas into perspective.\\nListen carefully to the ideas of people you genuinely respect.\\nExplore different cultures through books, movies, and museums. You might even decide to learn a new language!\\nTips\\nYou aren't shallow if you want to focus on your outward looks as well as on inner beauty. Just make sure that you don't sacrifice one for the other.\\nMake sure you get enough sleep. This will help avoid dark bags under the eyes\\nKeep working on improvements to be more beautiful everyday.\\nWarnings\\nIf you're being bullied because of the way you look or act, then talk to someone right away. Remember that people do love you, and it does get better.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Although it may be easy to see beauty in others, it's often hard to recognize beauty in yourself. While you might not realize it right now, you're beautiful in your own way. If you want to enhance your natural beauty, start with self-care, such as eating well and caring for your skin. Additionally, express your personality through your style choices. Finally, show off your inner beauty by being authentic, kind, and open-minded.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Expressing Your Personal Style\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Get a hairstyle that flatters your face.\", \"描述\": \"First, use a tube of lipstick to trace your face on a mirror. Then, figure out what your face shape is by looking at the outline. Next, pick a hairstyle that looks great on your unique face shape. Print out pictures of the haircut you want to show them to your stylist.\\nCommon face shapes include oval, round, square, heart, and long.\\nIf you’re having trouble picking out a hairstyle, get your hair trimmed to just above your shoulders, with layering. This style is considered the “perfect haircut” because it looks great on everyone.\\nHats and hair accessories are also a great option for styling your hair. Use them to show off your personal style.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Wear makeup if it makes you feel good.\", \"描述\": \"You don’t need to wear makeup to be beautiful, but do it if it makes you happy. Use a foundation, tinted moisturizer, or BB cream to even out your skin tone. Then, play around with blush, eyeshadow, and lipstick that make you feel confident.\\nDo a natural makeup look if you don’t want to look like you’re wearing makeup.\\nDo either a bold lip or a dramatic eye. You don’t want to do both at the same time because your look will be too overwhelming.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Wear clothes that flatter your body and make you feel great.\", \"描述\": \"Every body shape can be beautiful, so don’t worry about your size. Instead, focus on choosing pieces that show off your assets and make you feel your best. Donate any pieces that don’t make you feel fabulous.\\nTry on everything in your wardrobe and only keep the clothes you love.\\nShow off what makes you feel confident. For instance, wear short skirts to show off your legs or a backless top to show off a sculpted back.\\nLook for great brands and really unique pieces for affordable prices at consignment shops or thrift shops.\\nTry taking a picture of every single outfit you wear for 2 weeks. This helps you start to take an inventory of your clothes and figure out which ones you gravitate toward.\\nFind fashion photos on Instagram or Pinterest that really speak to you. Once you've collected a few different pictures and screenshots, see if they have anything in common. For instance, if most of the pictures include people wearing hats, you might start wearing a hat in your own outfits.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Practicing Self-Care\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Practice good hygiene by bathing daily and using personal products.\", \"描述\": \"Take a bath or shower at least once a day to keep yourself clean. Additionally, apply deodorant to control your body odor, and use a moisturizer to keep your skin soft and nourished. This will help you maintain clean, healthy skin.\\nUse a mild soap or body wash to cleanse your body.\\nWash your hair 2-3 times a week or as needed. Use conditioner after washing your hair or between washes to keep your hair soft and smooth.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Wash and moisturize your face twice a day.\", \"描述\": \"Use a mild cleanser and warm water to clean your face. Pat your face dry with a clean towel. Then, follow with a facial moisturizer to seal in the moisture. Do this every morning and evening for healthy skin.\\nChoose a lightweight day cream for the morning and a thicker night cream for use before bed.\\nExfoliate your skin twice a week with a chemical or manual exfoliator. For instance, an exfoliating face wash works great.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Care for your skin by applying sunscreen and staying hydrated.\", \"描述\": \"Cover your skin in sunscreen before spending time outdoors. Doing so will protect you from sun damage and wrinkles. Additionally, drink at least 2 to 10 cups (0.47 to 2.37 L) of water daily so you stay hydrated. This will keep your skin soft and supple with moisture.\\nChoose a broad spectrum sunscreen that’s at least SPF 15.\\nCovering your skin with clothing and wearing a hat to protect your scalp and face will give you better protection against the sun.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Care for your hands and feet, including your nails.\", \"描述\": \"Your hands and feet go through a lot every day, so give them lots of care. Apply moisturizer to your hands and feet daily before bed. Additionally, trim and file your nails weekly so they are in good shape.\\nIf you like, paint your fingernails or toenails once a week. You don’t need to do this to be beautiful, but it might make you feel good.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Brush your teeth twice a day to maintain your smile.\", \"描述\": \"Choose a toothpaste that contains fluoride to protect against cavities. This will keep your teeth clean and healthy, which will give you a healthy smile. Make a habit of brushing every morning after you wake up and every evening before bed.\\nFloss before you brush once a day, such as before bed.\\nGet a dental check-up and cleaning every 6 months to keep your smile clean and healthy.\\nIf you feel like your teeth are discolored, try teeth whitening solutions.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Support your health by exercising daily and eating nutritious foods.\", \"描述\": \"Healthy bodies come in all shapes and sizes. The best way to keep your body healthy is to eat well and stay active. Talk to your doctor to find out if you need to make changes to your diet or exercise regimen.\\nAim to get 150 minutes of exercise every week or to exercise at least 30 minutes a day 5-7 days a week.\\nBuild your meals around lean proteins and fresh produce. Avoid foods that are processed or high in sugar. However, it’s okay to eat your favorite foods in moderation, so don’t feel like you need to restrict yourself.\\nYou can find vitamins that are formulated to support beautiful skin, luscious hair, and healthy nails. However, ask your doctor before adding these to your diet.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Showing Your Inner Beauty\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be authentic by staying true to who you are.\", \"描述\": \"Being your true self is essential for developing your inner beauty. Reflect on your values, interests, and goals in life. Then, pursue what makes you happy. You can develop your authenticity by doing the following activities:\\nNotice how you feel in different situations, then do more of what feels right.\\nBe open and honest with your friends.\\nDon’t worry about being perfect because no one is.\\nBe present in each moment by focusing on your 5 senses.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Express gratitude for the good things in your life.\", \"描述\": \"Being grateful for what you have will make your inner beauty shine. Instead of complaining about what’s lacking in your life, focus on your blessings. Celebrate the people who are important to you, the talents or skills you possess, the opportunities you have, and the small comforts you enjoy. Here are some ways to express your gratitude:\\nKeep a gratitude journal to record the things you’re thankful for.\\nSend your close friends cards that tell them how much they mean to you.\\nGive small and meaningful gifts, like a poetry book, necklace, or painted stone.\\nTell your loved ones how you feel about them.\\nCall people to check on them.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be generous with what you have.\", \"描述\": \"You don’t need a lot of money to have abundance in life. You may be rich in time, talent, or creativity. Share what you have with others to help make people happy. This will help you have inner beauty. Here are some great ways to be generous:\\nLet people borrow your stuff.\\nGive your time to help others.\\nShare a meal with people in need.\\nBring snacks and drinks when you go to events.\\nGive gifts to people in need around the holidays.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Maintain healthy relationships.\", \"描述\": \"Living with constant conflict and dealing with people who are toxic can drain you. This makes it hard to have inner beauty because you’re upset or exhausted all of the time. Instead, surround yourself with supportive, positive people who help you be your best self. Make sure you’re giving your friends, relatives, and partners the time, attention, and support that they need, as well.\\nMake time for your friends, especially those who’ve been there for you for awhile.\\nMake new friends to keep you growing and learning as a person.\\nNurture healthy relationships with family members.\\nAvoid spending time with people who are toxic for you.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Let go of bad feelings so you radiate goodness.\", \"描述\": \"Carrying around anger, sadness, and hate will weigh you down. While it’s hard to let go of your feelings when you’ve been hurt, doing so will help you find freedom. If you’re feeling negative emotions, identify them and why you feel that way. Then, release your emotions by sharing them. This will help you move on.\\nRelease your emotions by talking to someone, by journaling, or by exercising when you feel upset. You might also find that being creative helps you find peace.\\nIf you’re struggling to let go of something that happened to you, write a letter to the person responsible, but don’t send it. Instead, tear up or burn the letter to release your feelings.\\nIf you’re struggling to let go of bad feelings, it may be best to see a counselor or therapist.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Get involved in your community by volunteering.\", \"描述\": \"Helping others and giving back are both great ways to develop inner beauty. Not only will other people recognize your goodness, you’ll also feel better about yourself. Here are some great ways to get involved:\\nRaise money for a local animal shelter.\\nBuy from local businesses to help your community thrive.\\nVolunteer at a local festival.\\nThrow a block party for your neighbors.\\nStart a book club for your community.\\nVolunteer as a reading tutor at your local library or community center.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Look for spiritual truth.\", \"描述\": \"You can choose to follow a religious path or to look within yourself for what feels like the truth. Connect with your inner spirit by meditating, praying, or reflecting on your values. Decide what’s important to you and then pursue your own version of the truth. This will help you develop your inner beauty.\\nIf you have a chosen religious or spiritual path, read or listen to the great teachers who share your beliefs.\\nLearn about different spiritual paths if you’re comfortable broadening your horizons.\\nFind a way to see yourself as part of something larger so that you can be more compassionate toward your fellow humans.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Seek wisdom by learning more and keeping an open mind.\", \"描述\": \"Inner beauty means developing understanding and being open to how others experience life. Be a lifetime learner by constantly reading and listening to others. Additionally, allow others to be who they are and try to learn from their experiences.\\nMeditate or reflect on your actions.\\nRead the works of wise people. You can learn a lot from novelists, poets, or historians. Reading can help you gain knowledge and put your ideas into perspective.\\nListen carefully to the ideas of people you genuinely respect.\\nExplore different cultures through books, movies, and museums. You might even decide to learn a new language!\"}], \"小提示\": [\"You aren't shallow if you want to focus on your outward looks as well as on inner beauty. Just make sure that you don't sacrifice one for the other.\\n\", \"Make sure you get enough sleep. This will help avoid dark bags under the eyes\\n\", \"Keep working on improvements to be more beautiful everyday.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"If you're being bullied because of the way you look or act, then talk to someone right away. Remember that people do love you, and it does get better.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
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} | wikihow |
3,559 | How to Be Beautiful, Fresh & Cute (Girls) | 1. Applying Makeup
1-1. Prepare your face for makeup.
First, use a gentle facial cleanser to clean your face. Choose cleansers that are advertised as “gentle,” “pH-balanced,” or “fragrance-free.” These cleansers won't damage or dry out your skin. Next, use an oil-free lotion to moisturize your skin.
If necessary, use a pair of tweezers to shape your eyebrows before putting on makeup.
If you have problems with acne, use an oil-free acne cleanser to wash your face. Consider making an appointment with a dermatologist if your acne worsens or does not improve.
1-2. Create a fresh daytime look.
Use natural tones and a light hand when applying makeup. First, apply a layer of tinted moisturizer to even out your skin tone. Next, enhance your features by applying a natural tone of blush to the apples of your cheeks, lining your lashes with brown mascara, and using a clear lipgloss.
Some people prefer to use BB Cream instead of tinted moisturizer. BB Cream has a slightly heavier coverage that smooths out any blemishes or wrinkles.
If you have a lot of blemishes and need a heavy coverage, use foundation instead of tinted moisturizer.
Make applying sunscreen a part of your daily makeup routine. Wearing sunscreen daily will help protect your skin from sun damage and keep your skin looking youthful for years to come.
1-3. Darken your makeup in the evening.
You can either touch up your daytime makeup or apply makeup to a fresh face. After applying your foundation or tinted moisturizer, buff the apples of your cheeks with a natural tone of blush. Next, add some dramatic eye makeup and bold lipstick to finish the look. For example:
Add interest to your existing eyeshadow by darkening your creases with a black or dark brown. Blend the color onto your lids.
Choose a bright red lipstick to enhance your lips.
Use liquid eyeliner, dark eyeshadow, and mascara to create a cat eye look.
2. Styling Your Hair
2-1. Blow dry wet hair.
First, separate your hair into sections using clips or hair ties. Blow dry each section separately, using a large hairbrush to pull the wet hair away from your head.
If you're worried about heat damage, apply a heat-protecting leave-in conditioner to your hair before drying it.
2-2. Use an aerosol dry shampoo on oily hair.
If you're in-between washings or if your hair looks slightly oily, dry shampoo can be used to give your hair a fresh lift. First, shake the can of dry shampoo to incorporate the ingredients. Next, hold the can a few inches away from your scalp and spray the shampoo along your hairline. Separate your hair into several large sections and continue spraying your scalp.
After applying the dry shampoo, rub it into your hair using your fingertips and brush your hair again.
Dry shampoo can also come in a powder form. However, powdered dry shampoo is more difficult to apply and can leave a powdery residue in your hair.
2-3. Style your hair for school or work.
Daytime hairstyles will usually be more relaxed than evening updos. Choose a style for your hair that makes you feel comfortable and cute. For example, if you're feeling lazy and relaxed, use a hair band to style your hair into an adorable top knot bun. Other examples of cute hair styles:
Apply pomade to the ends of short hair to add texture.
Tie your hair into a low knot to create a cute, effortless low bun.
Style your hair into an elegant side braid.
Pull your hair into a high, sleek pony tail.
2-4. Create an evening look.
Whether you're going out with friends or going on a date, your evening hairstyle needs to add drama to your look. If you have long hair, you can style it into a beautiful updo or brush it out. Brush shorter hairstyles away from the face and spray them with hairspray to create a clean, sleek look.
Curl long or medium hair using a curling iron, a brush, and hair spray.
Straighten your hair with a straightening iron and a wide-toothed comb to create a sleek hairstyle.
Short hair can be curled with a small curling wand to create ringlets.
3. Wearing Flattering Clothing
3-1. Figure out your “colors.”
Everyone has colors that they look particularly good in. Find out which colors look good on you by figuring out your skin's undertones. First, look at the veins on the inside of your wrist. If these veins appear blue, your skin has cool undertones. If these veins appear green, your skin has warm undertones.
Cool undertones look best with silvers, blues, cool greens, greys, and other wintery colors.
Warm undertones look best with golds, rich greens, reds, and other earthy colors.
3-2. Dress for your body type.
Wear clothing that makes your body shape look it's best. For example, if you have a pear body shape, wear shirts that accentuate the upper part of your body with patterns or frills. These shirts will balance out your figure and make you appear more curvaceous.
If you have an hourglass figure, wear clothing that accentuates the small part of your waist.
If you have an inverted triangle body type, wear clothing that gives volume to your hips. This clothing includes layered skirts and large belts.
If you have a rectangular or “ruler” body shape, wear short skirts and dresses that show off your legs.
3-3. Wear clothes that make you feel beautiful.
If you feel attractive in your clothing, you will feel and look more confident. For example, if you like the way a particular skirt looks on you, wear it often. Alternatively, if you have a pair of pants that you feel weird in, don't wear them. You'll look as uncomfortable as you feel.
Avoid clothing that is physically uncomfortable. The discomfort will only grow as the day goes on.
3-4. Wear cute accessories.
Accessories can make old, worn out outfits feel fresh and new again. Accessories are any part of your outfit that isn't clothing. Jewelry, scarves, handbags, and belts are all examples of accessories. When building your outfit, choose accessories that accentuate your clothing. For example:
Highlight the golden tones in a green dress by wearing a large gold bracelet.
Wear a chunky red necklace with a black and white shirt to create a bright contrast.
Enhance the simplicity of a shift dress by wearing several large rings.
4. Practicing Good Hygiene
4-1. Bathe yourself daily.
Bathe or shower every day using mild soap, warm water, and a loofa or washcloth. People with very short hair, very oily hair, or who sweat a lot should wash their hair daily. Otherwise, wash your hair two or three times a week to keep your hair healthy.
If you wash your hair too often, you'll strip away helpful oils that make your hair shiny and soft.
If you have long hair, use a conditioner after shampooing to hydrate the ends of your hair.
4-2. Wear deodorant.
There is no specific age at which you should start wearing deodorant. However, if you're concerned about your body odor and you want to smell fresh, consider applying deodorant after you shower. Read the directions on the back of the deodorant to see how it should be applied.
You can buy a stick of deodorant that is rubbed against your underarms or spray-on deodorant.
4-3. Brush your teeth.
Brush your teeth at least twice a day to keep your teeth healthy and your breath fresh. Use a clean toothbrush and fluoride toothpaste to brush your teeth. Additionally, floss once a day to help prevent gum disease.
Avoid eating sugary foods to prevent cavities from forming on your teeth.
If you have any concerns about your teeth, visit your dentist.
4-4. Keep your nails clean.
A part of looking fresh is having clean, well-groomed nails. First, wash your hands after using the bathroom, touching something dirty, or petting an animal. Use a small nail brush and soap to clean dirt out from under your nails. Alternatively, use a toothpick or small wooden wand to remove dirt from under your nails.
Keep your nails trimmed to avoid snagging them on your clothing or scratching yourself.
Paint your nails to add a pop of color to your look. Additionally, nail polish can hide any stubborn stains on your nails.
Tips
If you are uncomfortable with your body, find healthy ways to address this. For example, eating healthy foods and exercising regularly will help boost your self-esteem.
When you laugh, keep your hands over your mouth. This will make you look cuter.
Confidence is the most essential part of being beautiful.
Warnings
Avoid wearing too much jewelry. When in doubt, limit yourself to one or two pieces of jewelry.
Don't bite your fingernails. This is a bad habit that makes your nails look dirty.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:21",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Applying Makeup\\n1-1. Prepare your face for makeup.\\nFirst, use a gentle facial cleanser to clean your face. Choose cleansers that are advertised as “gentle,” “pH-balanced,” or “fragrance-free.” These cleansers won't damage or dry out your skin. Next, use an oil-free lotion to moisturize your skin.\\nIf necessary, use a pair of tweezers to shape your eyebrows before putting on makeup.\\nIf you have problems with acne, use an oil-free acne cleanser to wash your face. Consider making an appointment with a dermatologist if your acne worsens or does not improve.\\n1-2. Create a fresh daytime look.\\nUse natural tones and a light hand when applying makeup. First, apply a layer of tinted moisturizer to even out your skin tone. Next, enhance your features by applying a natural tone of blush to the apples of your cheeks, lining your lashes with brown mascara, and using a clear lipgloss.\\nSome people prefer to use BB Cream instead of tinted moisturizer. BB Cream has a slightly heavier coverage that smooths out any blemishes or wrinkles.\\nIf you have a lot of blemishes and need a heavy coverage, use foundation instead of tinted moisturizer.\\nMake applying sunscreen a part of your daily makeup routine. Wearing sunscreen daily will help protect your skin from sun damage and keep your skin looking youthful for years to come.\\n1-3. Darken your makeup in the evening.\\nYou can either touch up your daytime makeup or apply makeup to a fresh face. After applying your foundation or tinted moisturizer, buff the apples of your cheeks with a natural tone of blush. Next, add some dramatic eye makeup and bold lipstick to finish the look. For example:\\nAdd interest to your existing eyeshadow by darkening your creases with a black or dark brown. Blend the color onto your lids.\\nChoose a bright red lipstick to enhance your lips.\\nUse liquid eyeliner, dark eyeshadow, and mascara to create a cat eye look.\\n2. Styling Your Hair\\n2-1. Blow dry wet hair.\\nFirst, separate your hair into sections using clips or hair ties. Blow dry each section separately, using a large hairbrush to pull the wet hair away from your head.\\nIf you're worried about heat damage, apply a heat-protecting leave-in conditioner to your hair before drying it.\\n2-2. Use an aerosol dry shampoo on oily hair.\\nIf you're in-between washings or if your hair looks slightly oily, dry shampoo can be used to give your hair a fresh lift. First, shake the can of dry shampoo to incorporate the ingredients. Next, hold the can a few inches away from your scalp and spray the shampoo along your hairline. Separate your hair into several large sections and continue spraying your scalp.\\nAfter applying the dry shampoo, rub it into your hair using your fingertips and brush your hair again.\\nDry shampoo can also come in a powder form. However, powdered dry shampoo is more difficult to apply and can leave a powdery residue in your hair.\\n2-3. Style your hair for school or work.\\nDaytime hairstyles will usually be more relaxed than evening updos. Choose a style for your hair that makes you feel comfortable and cute. For example, if you're feeling lazy and relaxed, use a hair band to style your hair into an adorable top knot bun. Other examples of cute hair styles:\\n\\nApply pomade to the ends of short hair to add texture.\\nTie your hair into a low knot to create a cute, effortless low bun.\\nStyle your hair into an elegant side braid.\\nPull your hair into a high, sleek pony tail.\\n2-4. Create an evening look.\\nWhether you're going out with friends or going on a date, your evening hairstyle needs to add drama to your look. If you have long hair, you can style it into a beautiful updo or brush it out. Brush shorter hairstyles away from the face and spray them with hairspray to create a clean, sleek look.\\n\\nCurl long or medium hair using a curling iron, a brush, and hair spray.\\nStraighten your hair with a straightening iron and a wide-toothed comb to create a sleek hairstyle.\\nShort hair can be curled with a small curling wand to create ringlets.\\n3. Wearing Flattering Clothing\\n3-1. Figure out your “colors.”\\nEveryone has colors that they look particularly good in. Find out which colors look good on you by figuring out your skin's undertones. First, look at the veins on the inside of your wrist. If these veins appear blue, your skin has cool undertones. If these veins appear green, your skin has warm undertones.\\nCool undertones look best with silvers, blues, cool greens, greys, and other wintery colors.\\nWarm undertones look best with golds, rich greens, reds, and other earthy colors.\\n3-2. Dress for your body type.\\nWear clothing that makes your body shape look it's best. For example, if you have a pear body shape, wear shirts that accentuate the upper part of your body with patterns or frills. These shirts will balance out your figure and make you appear more curvaceous.\\nIf you have an hourglass figure, wear clothing that accentuates the small part of your waist.\\nIf you have an inverted triangle body type, wear clothing that gives volume to your hips. This clothing includes layered skirts and large belts.\\nIf you have a rectangular or “ruler” body shape, wear short skirts and dresses that show off your legs.\\n3-3. Wear clothes that make you feel beautiful.\\nIf you feel attractive in your clothing, you will feel and look more confident. For example, if you like the way a particular skirt looks on you, wear it often. Alternatively, if you have a pair of pants that you feel weird in, don't wear them. You'll look as uncomfortable as you feel.\\nAvoid clothing that is physically uncomfortable. The discomfort will only grow as the day goes on.\\n3-4. Wear cute accessories.\\nAccessories can make old, worn out outfits feel fresh and new again. Accessories are any part of your outfit that isn't clothing. Jewelry, scarves, handbags, and belts are all examples of accessories. When building your outfit, choose accessories that accentuate your clothing. For example:\\nHighlight the golden tones in a green dress by wearing a large gold bracelet.\\nWear a chunky red necklace with a black and white shirt to create a bright contrast.\\nEnhance the simplicity of a shift dress by wearing several large rings.\\n4. Practicing Good Hygiene\\n4-1. Bathe yourself daily.\\nBathe or shower every day using mild soap, warm water, and a loofa or washcloth. People with very short hair, very oily hair, or who sweat a lot should wash their hair daily. Otherwise, wash your hair two or three times a week to keep your hair healthy.\\nIf you wash your hair too often, you'll strip away helpful oils that make your hair shiny and soft.\\nIf you have long hair, use a conditioner after shampooing to hydrate the ends of your hair.\\n4-2. Wear deodorant.\\nThere is no specific age at which you should start wearing deodorant. However, if you're concerned about your body odor and you want to smell fresh, consider applying deodorant after you shower. Read the directions on the back of the deodorant to see how it should be applied.\\nYou can buy a stick of deodorant that is rubbed against your underarms or spray-on deodorant.\\n4-3. Brush your teeth.\\nBrush your teeth at least twice a day to keep your teeth healthy and your breath fresh. Use a clean toothbrush and fluoride toothpaste to brush your teeth. Additionally, floss once a day to help prevent gum disease.\\nAvoid eating sugary foods to prevent cavities from forming on your teeth.\\nIf you have any concerns about your teeth, visit your dentist.\\n4-4. Keep your nails clean.\\nA part of looking fresh is having clean, well-groomed nails. First, wash your hands after using the bathroom, touching something dirty, or petting an animal. Use a small nail brush and soap to clean dirt out from under your nails. Alternatively, use a toothpick or small wooden wand to remove dirt from under your nails.\\nKeep your nails trimmed to avoid snagging them on your clothing or scratching yourself.\\nPaint your nails to add a pop of color to your look. Additionally, nail polish can hide any stubborn stains on your nails.\\nTips\\nIf you are uncomfortable with your body, find healthy ways to address this. For example, eating healthy foods and exercising regularly will help boost your self-esteem.\\nWhen you laugh, keep your hands over your mouth. This will make you look cuter.\\nConfidence is the most essential part of being beautiful.\\nWarnings\\nAvoid wearing too much jewelry. When in doubt, limit yourself to one or two pieces of jewelry.\\nDon't bite your fingernails. This is a bad habit that makes your nails look dirty.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"If you want to look beautiful, fresh, and cute, it's important to spend time on your appearance every day. First, create a fresh look by taking care of your skin, wearing natural-looking makeup, and styling your hair. Then, choose clothing that flatters your figure and skin tone. In this article, we'll show you how to achieve a fresh, gorgeous look so you can feel confident every day.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Applying Makeup\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Prepare your face for makeup.\", \"描述\": \"First, use a gentle facial cleanser to clean your face. Choose cleansers that are advertised as “gentle,” “pH-balanced,” or “fragrance-free.” These cleansers won't damage or dry out your skin. Next, use an oil-free lotion to moisturize your skin.\\nIf necessary, use a pair of tweezers to shape your eyebrows before putting on makeup.\\nIf you have problems with acne, use an oil-free acne cleanser to wash your face. Consider making an appointment with a dermatologist if your acne worsens or does not improve.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Create a fresh daytime look.\", \"描述\": \"Use natural tones and a light hand when applying makeup. First, apply a layer of tinted moisturizer to even out your skin tone. Next, enhance your features by applying a natural tone of blush to the apples of your cheeks, lining your lashes with brown mascara, and using a clear lipgloss.\\nSome people prefer to use BB Cream instead of tinted moisturizer. BB Cream has a slightly heavier coverage that smooths out any blemishes or wrinkles.\\nIf you have a lot of blemishes and need a heavy coverage, use foundation instead of tinted moisturizer.\\nMake applying sunscreen a part of your daily makeup routine. Wearing sunscreen daily will help protect your skin from sun damage and keep your skin looking youthful for years to come.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Darken your makeup in the evening.\", \"描述\": \"You can either touch up your daytime makeup or apply makeup to a fresh face. After applying your foundation or tinted moisturizer, buff the apples of your cheeks with a natural tone of blush. Next, add some dramatic eye makeup and bold lipstick to finish the look. For example:\\nAdd interest to your existing eyeshadow by darkening your creases with a black or dark brown. Blend the color onto your lids.\\nChoose a bright red lipstick to enhance your lips.\\nUse liquid eyeliner, dark eyeshadow, and mascara to create a cat eye look.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Styling Your Hair\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Blow dry wet hair.\", \"描述\": \"First, separate your hair into sections using clips or hair ties. Blow dry each section separately, using a large hairbrush to pull the wet hair away from your head.\\nIf you're worried about heat damage, apply a heat-protecting leave-in conditioner to your hair before drying it.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Use an aerosol dry shampoo on oily hair.\", \"描述\": \"If you're in-between washings or if your hair looks slightly oily, dry shampoo can be used to give your hair a fresh lift. First, shake the can of dry shampoo to incorporate the ingredients. Next, hold the can a few inches away from your scalp and spray the shampoo along your hairline. Separate your hair into several large sections and continue spraying your scalp.\\nAfter applying the dry shampoo, rub it into your hair using your fingertips and brush your hair again.\\nDry shampoo can also come in a powder form. However, powdered dry shampoo is more difficult to apply and can leave a powdery residue in your hair.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Style your hair for school or work.\", \"描述\": \"Daytime hairstyles will usually be more relaxed than evening updos. Choose a style for your hair that makes you feel comfortable and cute. For example, if you're feeling lazy and relaxed, use a hair band to style your hair into an adorable top knot bun. Other examples of cute hair styles:\\n\\nApply pomade to the ends of short hair to add texture.\\nTie your hair into a low knot to create a cute, effortless low bun.\\nStyle your hair into an elegant side braid.\\nPull your hair into a high, sleek pony tail.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Create an evening look.\", \"描述\": \"Whether you're going out with friends or going on a date, your evening hairstyle needs to add drama to your look. If you have long hair, you can style it into a beautiful updo or brush it out. Brush shorter hairstyles away from the face and spray them with hairspray to create a clean, sleek look.\\n\\nCurl long or medium hair using a curling iron, a brush, and hair spray.\\nStraighten your hair with a straightening iron and a wide-toothed comb to create a sleek hairstyle.\\nShort hair can be curled with a small curling wand to create ringlets.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Wearing Flattering Clothing\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Figure out your “colors.”\", \"描述\": \"Everyone has colors that they look particularly good in. Find out which colors look good on you by figuring out your skin's undertones. First, look at the veins on the inside of your wrist. If these veins appear blue, your skin has cool undertones. If these veins appear green, your skin has warm undertones.\\nCool undertones look best with silvers, blues, cool greens, greys, and other wintery colors.\\nWarm undertones look best with golds, rich greens, reds, and other earthy colors.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Dress for your body type.\", \"描述\": \"Wear clothing that makes your body shape look it's best. For example, if you have a pear body shape, wear shirts that accentuate the upper part of your body with patterns or frills. These shirts will balance out your figure and make you appear more curvaceous.\\nIf you have an hourglass figure, wear clothing that accentuates the small part of your waist.\\nIf you have an inverted triangle body type, wear clothing that gives volume to your hips. This clothing includes layered skirts and large belts.\\nIf you have a rectangular or “ruler” body shape, wear short skirts and dresses that show off your legs.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Wear clothes that make you feel beautiful.\", \"描述\": \"If you feel attractive in your clothing, you will feel and look more confident. For example, if you like the way a particular skirt looks on you, wear it often. Alternatively, if you have a pair of pants that you feel weird in, don't wear them. You'll look as uncomfortable as you feel.\\nAvoid clothing that is physically uncomfortable. The discomfort will only grow as the day goes on.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Wear cute accessories.\", \"描述\": \"Accessories can make old, worn out outfits feel fresh and new again. Accessories are any part of your outfit that isn't clothing. Jewelry, scarves, handbags, and belts are all examples of accessories. When building your outfit, choose accessories that accentuate your clothing. For example:\\nHighlight the golden tones in a green dress by wearing a large gold bracelet.\\nWear a chunky red necklace with a black and white shirt to create a bright contrast.\\nEnhance the simplicity of a shift dress by wearing several large rings.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Practicing Good Hygiene\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Bathe yourself daily.\", \"描述\": \"Bathe or shower every day using mild soap, warm water, and a loofa or washcloth. People with very short hair, very oily hair, or who sweat a lot should wash their hair daily. Otherwise, wash your hair two or three times a week to keep your hair healthy.\\nIf you wash your hair too often, you'll strip away helpful oils that make your hair shiny and soft.\\nIf you have long hair, use a conditioner after shampooing to hydrate the ends of your hair.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Wear deodorant.\", \"描述\": \"There is no specific age at which you should start wearing deodorant. However, if you're concerned about your body odor and you want to smell fresh, consider applying deodorant after you shower. Read the directions on the back of the deodorant to see how it should be applied.\\nYou can buy a stick of deodorant that is rubbed against your underarms or spray-on deodorant.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Brush your teeth.\", \"描述\": \"Brush your teeth at least twice a day to keep your teeth healthy and your breath fresh. Use a clean toothbrush and fluoride toothpaste to brush your teeth. Additionally, floss once a day to help prevent gum disease.\\nAvoid eating sugary foods to prevent cavities from forming on your teeth.\\nIf you have any concerns about your teeth, visit your dentist.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Keep your nails clean.\", \"描述\": \"A part of looking fresh is having clean, well-groomed nails. First, wash your hands after using the bathroom, touching something dirty, or petting an animal. Use a small nail brush and soap to clean dirt out from under your nails. Alternatively, use a toothpick or small wooden wand to remove dirt from under your nails.\\nKeep your nails trimmed to avoid snagging them on your clothing or scratching yourself.\\nPaint your nails to add a pop of color to your look. Additionally, nail polish can hide any stubborn stains on your nails.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"If you are uncomfortable with your body, find healthy ways to address this. For example, eating healthy foods and exercising regularly will help boost your self-esteem.\\n\", \"When you laugh, keep your hands over your mouth. This will make you look cuter.\\n\", \"Confidence is the most essential part of being beautiful.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Avoid wearing too much jewelry. When in doubt, limit yourself to one or two pieces of jewelry.\\n\", \"Don't bite your fingernails. This is a bad habit that makes your nails look dirty.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
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} | wikihow |
3,560 | How to Be Beautiful (for Gay Men) | 1. Embracing Your Existing Beauty
1-1. Work on developing your self esteem.
Gay men, in particular, may have had years of self doubt and questioning due to living with homophobia in all its forms. This takes time and effort to shake off!
Take the time to identify what you think is beautiful about yourself, and nurture that beauty instead of doubting it.
You should also believe other people when they tell you you are beautiful. They are telling you the truth as they see it!
1-2. Fight internalized homophobia.
It can be hard to find stereotypically "gay" aspects of your composure or personality beautiful. This is because straight society has defined these things as undesirable. Instead of falling prey to these ideas, embrace your "gay voice" or mannerisms that are stereotypically associated with gay men.
1-3. Focus on developing your passions and skills.
Attractiveness may have less to do with physical traits than other character traits, such as a sense of humor or a sharp intellect. Become really good at something. Do projects or hobbies you love to do. Develop a career that is fulfilling. Having passions, skills, and pursuits makes you a more interesting, and attractive, person.
1-4. Don't compare yourself to others.
It can be easy to see someone and think, "I wish I could look that good." This can be especially hard in the gay community, where looks and traditional attractiveness tends to take center stage. However, this accomplishes nothing. Instead of comparing yourself to others, embrace your own looks.
Learn to recognize your own beauty, and let the good aspects of your looks and style make you feel more confident.
1-5. Find a gay community that embraces your beauty.
There is no one way to be a beautiful and attractive gay man. Some gay men find skinny, hairless men beautiful. Other gay men prefer hairy, large men. In other words, if you want to feel beautiful you don't necessarily need to change yourself. Instead, you can surround yourself with people who like you as you are!
It is undeniable that it feels good when someone else thinks you are beautiful. If you are around people that fill you with self doubt and self hatred, those people are toxic. Find other people that can see the beauty that already exists in you.
2. Developing Good Hygiene
2-1. Wash your face.
Your face is the first thing people see when they meet you. Caring for your skin is important to prevent acne, dry skin, or oily skin, and to look and feel your best.
Wash your face with either cold or lukewarm water. Avoid using warm/hot water when you wash up.
Use a gentle exfoliator once or twice a week. Don't exfoliate too often, or you could irritate your skin.
Pat your face dry with a clean, gentle cloth. Don't rub your face dry, or you could upset the skin.
2-2. Care for your teeth.
Brushing and flossing should be a part of your daily routine, at least twice each day. Proper dental care will help prevent bad breath and keep your teeth bright and healthy.
Use an 18 inch-long piece of dental floss to get between your teeth, starting with the top row and working your way to the bottom. Form a C-shape around each tooth to ensure you get all sides (including the backs of teeth).
Use an antiseptic mouthwash to help kill bacteria in your mouth. Swish with mouthwash for roughly 30 to 60 seconds, then spit.
Apply a pea-sized glob of fluoride toothpaste onto your toothbrush and work it across your teeth in a circular motion. Brush the front, back, and chewing surface of each tooth, then gently work your brush along the gum line to remove plaque and food residue.
2-3. Shower daily
Most Americans shower on a daily basis, though many shower every other day or even less frequently, depending on water availability. Whenever you shower, it's important to take care of yourself for a cleaner, more confident body.
Try to keep to a lukewarm temperature. Temperature extremes can dry out your skin.
Lather the shampoo of your choice and rub it into your scalp. You should also wash your beard (if you have facial hair) with shampoo to keep it clean and odor-free.
Rinse out all the shampoo from your hair.
If using conditioner, apply it similarly to your scalp and wash it all out.
Use soap or body wash to clean everything from your neck down. Lather, apply, and rinse thoroughly.
Wash your genital area and posterior, moving from front to back.
Make sure you've rinsed away any residual soap before exiting the shower/bath.
2-4. Smell nice.
At the very least, you should be wearing deodorant on a daily basis. However, the finer points of men's fragrance comes down to personal preference. If deodorant is enough for you, then choose a deodorant that you like and you're all set. If you're interested in a personal fragrance (like cologne or body spray), find one that works for you and try it out in small doses.
Deodorant should be worn everyday, no matter where you'll be.
If using cologne or body spray, remember that less is more.
3. Grooming Yourself
3-1. Keep your nails trimmed.
It's important to keep your fingernails and toenails trimmed and even. Fingernails can easily chip, causing snags and scratches, and toenails look unsightly if they're overgrown.
Keep your nails clean. Use a nail pick to get any buildup out from under your fingernails and toenails.
Use nail clippers or a good pair of manicure scissors to trim your nails. Trim straight across, then round off the tips so they're not sharp or pointy.
Use an emery board if needed to help reduce sharp or jagged edges.
3-2. Manage your facial hair.
Facial hair is another extremely personal choice. There's no right or wrong answer on whether you should go for a smooth shave or a scruffy beard, so go with whatever makes you comfortable and confident.
If shaving, use a lubricating shave gel and a sharp razor (ideally single-blade). Shave in the direction of hair growth, and don't pull your surrounding skin taut to avoid damaging your skin.
If you wear a beard, it's important to keep it trimmed. Use an electric beard trimmer to tame your facial hair, setting the guard to a length that works for your hair and style.
3-3. Trim your ear, nose, and neck hair.
Whether you shave your face smooth, or keep some facial hair, you'll want to clean up the often-overlooked areas. That includes trimming back the hairs in your nostrils, in and on your ears, and off the back of your neck (below your hairline).
You should also trim your eyebrows from time to time, so they don't get bushy and overgrown.
Use grooming scissors for the nose and ear hair, and a low-guard trimmer or straight razor for the hair on the back of your neck.
3-4. Decide whether to keep chest hair.
Some men like a hairy chest. Others, however, may prefer a smooth chest, or at least a trimmed and well-groomed chest. This is ultimately your own choice (perhaps with feedback from your partner), but if you decide to trim your chest hair it's important to do it right.
If you decide to thin out or trim your chest hair, use an electric clipper and move in the direction your hair grows.
If you want a clean chest, you can either use a clipper with the guard off, or use a razor and moisturizing shaving lotion.
3-5. Find a hairstyle you love.
If you are feeling like you're stuck in a rut, a slightly new look might be just the thing to snap you out of it. Getting a good haircut and styling your hair the way you like it can make you feel beautiful and confident, no matter what occasion you're preparing for.
4. Caring for Your Skin
4-1. Moisturize your skin daily.
In addition to washing your face and body, moisturizing your skin should be a part of your daily regimen. Use toner on your face to remove any excess oil or dirt, and follow up with a gentle moisturizer. You should also use a moisturizing lotion on your hands and any other parts of your body that are prone to dry, itchy skin.
Choose a moisturizer that works best for your skin type: dry, regular, or oily.
Make moisturizing a part of your daily routine at least once or twice each day.
4-2. Treat circles under your eyes.
The circles under your eyes can make you look tired, old, and worn out. The good news is you can treat those dark circles for healthier, younger-looking skin.
Place cool, moist tea bags over your eyelids. This can help reduce darkness and puffiness in your skin.
Use a specialized cream for dark under-eye circles. Look for a cream that contains caffeine, which reduces puffiness, as well as retinol and vitamins C and E.
If all else fails, you can always use a tiny bit of concealer under your eyes. Choose a color that matches your skin tone to effectively cover up dark circles for a brighter, younger-looking complexion.
4-3. Protect yourself from the sun.
The sun can cause tremendous damage to your skin, leaving you burnt and tender. After many years of overexposure to the sun, your skin can prematurely develop wrinkles, age spots, and an increased risk of skin cancer. One of the best ways to care for your skin over the long-term is to prevent unnecessary exposure to the sun's harmful U.V. rays.
Use broad-spectrum sunscreen. Make sure it has an SPF of 15 or higher, and reapply it at least every two hours.
Try to avoid being in direct sunlight between 10:00 AM and 2:00 PM, when U.V. rays are the strongest.
Wear tightly-woven clothing that protects against ultraviolet rays. Opt for long sleeves and pants, and try to wear a wide-brimmed hat when you'll be spending a lot of time outdoors.
4-4. Avoid smoking
Smoking is a significant contributor to prematurely aged skin. In addition to the health risks associated with smoking, daily exposure to cigarette smoke can decrease blood flow, leaving your skin more wrinkled and less elastic. It can also cause premature creases around your mouth and eyes.
The best way to prevent smoke-induced skin damage is to avoid smoking altogether.
If you're currently a smoker, talk to your doctor about how to break your smoking habit.
5. Putting Together a Wardrobe
5-1. Avoid following current fashion trends.
Fashion trends come and go, and what's popular this season may be out of favor within a month or two. Keeping on top of the latest fashion trends can be very expensive and could deprive you of a more permanent wardrobe. Instead of worrying about what's hot at the moment, choose classics that never go out of style.
If you like button-downs or polo shirts wear them, as they are always fashionable.
Ignore trendy takes on classics, like ripped jeans or fringe jackets. Those lose favor very quickly, and tend to cost a lot of money.
5-2. Opt for fitted pant styles.
A fitted pant leg will look much more dressy, confident, and attractive than a baggy pant leg. Whether you're choosing a pair of khakis for work or jeans for a night out, go for a more fitted style to get a more appealing look.
5-3. Fill your closet with basic dress clothes.
No matter what occasion you're dressing for, having some basic dress clothes will help you look stylish and feel confident. You don't need to break the bank, either. Look for sales and discontinued items, or simply add one piece of clothing at a time to your wardrobe. Your wardrobe should include::
One solid suit, either black or dark charcoal - opt for a single-breasted jacket with either two or three buttons for a classic look
Dress pants - choose either khaki or dark charcoal to easily coordinate with other parts of your wardrobe
A tie - go for medium-width in a solid color
Dress shoes - try to match your shoes with your belt and your suit color (black or brown are both popular choices)
6. Finding Other Ways to Feel Attractive
6-1. Exercise regularly.
Having a daily workout routine will help you feel and look your best. A good workout should combine a rigorous cardio set with regular weight training for optimal results.
Aim to do a cardio workout four days a week for at least 30 minutes.
Incorporate a 20 minute weight-training session twice a week.
6-2. Develop good posture.
You may not think much about it on a day-to-day basis, but the way you stand or sit conveys a lot about your confidence and self-esteem. Over time, poor posture can also lead to back and neck problems.
Take regular stretch breaks at work or at home. Try to stand up, stretch, and open up your chest for a few minutes every half hour or so. You should also try to walk around and move your body a little as often as possible.
Sit up straight for better back health and posture. Keep your back and neck straight with your shoulders slightly dropped whenever you're sitting at a desk or in a chair.
6-3. Change up your style.
Some men go their whole lives without ever changing their style. If you know what you like, there's nothing wrong with that. However, changing up your style could help get you out of a rut and feel more confident and attractive.
If you've never grown a beard, try growing one. Many men find that wearing a beard lends a sense of confidence and makes men look more attractive.
Try the opposite. If you've had a beard for many years, shave off your facial hair and see what your bare face looks like after all this time. You might find that you feel more attractive and younger with a simple shave.
Pick up one or two articles of clothing that go against your usual style. Try wearing these when you need a confidence booster.
Tips
There is no absolute guide to beauty or attractiveness. These tips can help, but they may not all work for you. Figure out what makes you feel beautiful and confident, and follow your own best beauty routine.
Don't change your style just to please someone's expectations. Be yourself, and odds are you'll feel more beautiful.
Warnings
Never criticize another person's appearance. It's rude, hurtful, and could lead to arguments or altercations.
Don't let vanity become the object of your life. It's important to feel good and look good, but remember that beauty is not everything.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:21",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Embracing Your Existing Beauty\\n1-1. Work on developing your self esteem.\\nGay men, in particular, may have had years of self doubt and questioning due to living with homophobia in all its forms. This takes time and effort to shake off!\\nTake the time to identify what you think is beautiful about yourself, and nurture that beauty instead of doubting it.\\nYou should also believe other people when they tell you you are beautiful. They are telling you the truth as they see it!\\n1-2. Fight internalized homophobia.\\nIt can be hard to find stereotypically \\\"gay\\\" aspects of your composure or personality beautiful. This is because straight society has defined these things as undesirable. Instead of falling prey to these ideas, embrace your \\\"gay voice\\\" or mannerisms that are stereotypically associated with gay men.\\n1-3. Focus on developing your passions and skills.\\nAttractiveness may have less to do with physical traits than other character traits, such as a sense of humor or a sharp intellect. Become really good at something. Do projects or hobbies you love to do. Develop a career that is fulfilling. Having passions, skills, and pursuits makes you a more interesting, and attractive, person.\\n1-4. Don't compare yourself to others.\\nIt can be easy to see someone and think, \\\"I wish I could look that good.\\\" This can be especially hard in the gay community, where looks and traditional attractiveness tends to take center stage. However, this accomplishes nothing. Instead of comparing yourself to others, embrace your own looks.\\nLearn to recognize your own beauty, and let the good aspects of your looks and style make you feel more confident.\\n1-5. Find a gay community that embraces your beauty.\\nThere is no one way to be a beautiful and attractive gay man. Some gay men find skinny, hairless men beautiful. Other gay men prefer hairy, large men. In other words, if you want to feel beautiful you don't necessarily need to change yourself. Instead, you can surround yourself with people who like you as you are!\\nIt is undeniable that it feels good when someone else thinks you are beautiful. If you are around people that fill you with self doubt and self hatred, those people are toxic. Find other people that can see the beauty that already exists in you.\\n2. Developing Good Hygiene\\n2-1. Wash your face.\\nYour face is the first thing people see when they meet you. Caring for your skin is important to prevent acne, dry skin, or oily skin, and to look and feel your best.\\nWash your face with either cold or lukewarm water. Avoid using warm/hot water when you wash up.\\nUse a gentle exfoliator once or twice a week. Don't exfoliate too often, or you could irritate your skin.\\nPat your face dry with a clean, gentle cloth. Don't rub your face dry, or you could upset the skin.\\n2-2. Care for your teeth.\\nBrushing and flossing should be a part of your daily routine, at least twice each day. Proper dental care will help prevent bad breath and keep your teeth bright and healthy.\\nUse an 18 inch-long piece of dental floss to get between your teeth, starting with the top row and working your way to the bottom. Form a C-shape around each tooth to ensure you get all sides (including the backs of teeth).\\nUse an antiseptic mouthwash to help kill bacteria in your mouth. Swish with mouthwash for roughly 30 to 60 seconds, then spit.\\nApply a pea-sized glob of fluoride toothpaste onto your toothbrush and work it across your teeth in a circular motion. Brush the front, back, and chewing surface of each tooth, then gently work your brush along the gum line to remove plaque and food residue.\\n2-3. Shower daily\\nMost Americans shower on a daily basis, though many shower every other day or even less frequently, depending on water availability. Whenever you shower, it's important to take care of yourself for a cleaner, more confident body.\\nTry to keep to a lukewarm temperature. Temperature extremes can dry out your skin.\\nLather the shampoo of your choice and rub it into your scalp. You should also wash your beard (if you have facial hair) with shampoo to keep it clean and odor-free.\\nRinse out all the shampoo from your hair.\\nIf using conditioner, apply it similarly to your scalp and wash it all out.\\nUse soap or body wash to clean everything from your neck down. Lather, apply, and rinse thoroughly.\\nWash your genital area and posterior, moving from front to back.\\nMake sure you've rinsed away any residual soap before exiting the shower/bath.\\n2-4. Smell nice.\\nAt the very least, you should be wearing deodorant on a daily basis. However, the finer points of men's fragrance comes down to personal preference. If deodorant is enough for you, then choose a deodorant that you like and you're all set. If you're interested in a personal fragrance (like cologne or body spray), find one that works for you and try it out in small doses.\\nDeodorant should be worn everyday, no matter where you'll be.\\nIf using cologne or body spray, remember that less is more.\\n3. Grooming Yourself\\n3-1. Keep your nails trimmed.\\nIt's important to keep your fingernails and toenails trimmed and even. Fingernails can easily chip, causing snags and scratches, and toenails look unsightly if they're overgrown.\\nKeep your nails clean. Use a nail pick to get any buildup out from under your fingernails and toenails.\\nUse nail clippers or a good pair of manicure scissors to trim your nails. Trim straight across, then round off the tips so they're not sharp or pointy.\\nUse an emery board if needed to help reduce sharp or jagged edges.\\n3-2. Manage your facial hair.\\nFacial hair is another extremely personal choice. There's no right or wrong answer on whether you should go for a smooth shave or a scruffy beard, so go with whatever makes you comfortable and confident.\\nIf shaving, use a lubricating shave gel and a sharp razor (ideally single-blade). Shave in the direction of hair growth, and don't pull your surrounding skin taut to avoid damaging your skin.\\nIf you wear a beard, it's important to keep it trimmed. Use an electric beard trimmer to tame your facial hair, setting the guard to a length that works for your hair and style.\\n3-3. Trim your ear, nose, and neck hair.\\nWhether you shave your face smooth, or keep some facial hair, you'll want to clean up the often-overlooked areas. That includes trimming back the hairs in your nostrils, in and on your ears, and off the back of your neck (below your hairline).\\nYou should also trim your eyebrows from time to time, so they don't get bushy and overgrown.\\nUse grooming scissors for the nose and ear hair, and a low-guard trimmer or straight razor for the hair on the back of your neck.\\n3-4. Decide whether to keep chest hair.\\nSome men like a hairy chest. Others, however, may prefer a smooth chest, or at least a trimmed and well-groomed chest. This is ultimately your own choice (perhaps with feedback from your partner), but if you decide to trim your chest hair it's important to do it right.\\nIf you decide to thin out or trim your chest hair, use an electric clipper and move in the direction your hair grows.\\nIf you want a clean chest, you can either use a clipper with the guard off, or use a razor and moisturizing shaving lotion.\\n3-5. Find a hairstyle you love.\\nIf you are feeling like you're stuck in a rut, a slightly new look might be just the thing to snap you out of it. Getting a good haircut and styling your hair the way you like it can make you feel beautiful and confident, no matter what occasion you're preparing for.\\n4. Caring for Your Skin\\n4-1. Moisturize your skin daily.\\nIn addition to washing your face and body, moisturizing your skin should be a part of your daily regimen. Use toner on your face to remove any excess oil or dirt, and follow up with a gentle moisturizer. You should also use a moisturizing lotion on your hands and any other parts of your body that are prone to dry, itchy skin.\\nChoose a moisturizer that works best for your skin type: dry, regular, or oily.\\nMake moisturizing a part of your daily routine at least once or twice each day.\\n4-2. Treat circles under your eyes.\\nThe circles under your eyes can make you look tired, old, and worn out. The good news is you can treat those dark circles for healthier, younger-looking skin.\\nPlace cool, moist tea bags over your eyelids. This can help reduce darkness and puffiness in your skin.\\nUse a specialized cream for dark under-eye circles. Look for a cream that contains caffeine, which reduces puffiness, as well as retinol and vitamins C and E.\\nIf all else fails, you can always use a tiny bit of concealer under your eyes. Choose a color that matches your skin tone to effectively cover up dark circles for a brighter, younger-looking complexion.\\n4-3. Protect yourself from the sun.\\nThe sun can cause tremendous damage to your skin, leaving you burnt and tender. After many years of overexposure to the sun, your skin can prematurely develop wrinkles, age spots, and an increased risk of skin cancer. One of the best ways to care for your skin over the long-term is to prevent unnecessary exposure to the sun's harmful U.V. rays.\\nUse broad-spectrum sunscreen. Make sure it has an SPF of 15 or higher, and reapply it at least every two hours.\\nTry to avoid being in direct sunlight between 10:00 AM and 2:00 PM, when U.V. rays are the strongest.\\nWear tightly-woven clothing that protects against ultraviolet rays. Opt for long sleeves and pants, and try to wear a wide-brimmed hat when you'll be spending a lot of time outdoors.\\n4-4. Avoid smoking\\nSmoking is a significant contributor to prematurely aged skin. In addition to the health risks associated with smoking, daily exposure to cigarette smoke can decrease blood flow, leaving your skin more wrinkled and less elastic. It can also cause premature creases around your mouth and eyes.\\nThe best way to prevent smoke-induced skin damage is to avoid smoking altogether.\\nIf you're currently a smoker, talk to your doctor about how to break your smoking habit.\\n5. Putting Together a Wardrobe\\n5-1. Avoid following current fashion trends.\\nFashion trends come and go, and what's popular this season may be out of favor within a month or two. Keeping on top of the latest fashion trends can be very expensive and could deprive you of a more permanent wardrobe. Instead of worrying about what's hot at the moment, choose classics that never go out of style.\\nIf you like button-downs or polo shirts wear them, as they are always fashionable.\\nIgnore trendy takes on classics, like ripped jeans or fringe jackets. Those lose favor very quickly, and tend to cost a lot of money.\\n5-2. Opt for fitted pant styles.\\nA fitted pant leg will look much more dressy, confident, and attractive than a baggy pant leg. Whether you're choosing a pair of khakis for work or jeans for a night out, go for a more fitted style to get a more appealing look.\\n5-3. Fill your closet with basic dress clothes.\\nNo matter what occasion you're dressing for, having some basic dress clothes will help you look stylish and feel confident. You don't need to break the bank, either. Look for sales and discontinued items, or simply add one piece of clothing at a time to your wardrobe. Your wardrobe should include::\\nOne solid suit, either black or dark charcoal - opt for a single-breasted jacket with either two or three buttons for a classic look\\nDress pants - choose either khaki or dark charcoal to easily coordinate with other parts of your wardrobe\\nA tie - go for medium-width in a solid color\\nDress shoes - try to match your shoes with your belt and your suit color (black or brown are both popular choices)\\n6. Finding Other Ways to Feel Attractive\\n6-1. Exercise regularly.\\nHaving a daily workout routine will help you feel and look your best. A good workout should combine a rigorous cardio set with regular weight training for optimal results.\\nAim to do a cardio workout four days a week for at least 30 minutes.\\nIncorporate a 20 minute weight-training session twice a week.\\n6-2. Develop good posture.\\nYou may not think much about it on a day-to-day basis, but the way you stand or sit conveys a lot about your confidence and self-esteem. Over time, poor posture can also lead to back and neck problems.\\nTake regular stretch breaks at work or at home. Try to stand up, stretch, and open up your chest for a few minutes every half hour or so. You should also try to walk around and move your body a little as often as possible.\\nSit up straight for better back health and posture. Keep your back and neck straight with your shoulders slightly dropped whenever you're sitting at a desk or in a chair.\\n6-3. Change up your style.\\nSome men go their whole lives without ever changing their style. If you know what you like, there's nothing wrong with that. However, changing up your style could help get you out of a rut and feel more confident and attractive.\\nIf you've never grown a beard, try growing one. Many men find that wearing a beard lends a sense of confidence and makes men look more attractive.\\nTry the opposite. If you've had a beard for many years, shave off your facial hair and see what your bare face looks like after all this time. You might find that you feel more attractive and younger with a simple shave.\\nPick up one or two articles of clothing that go against your usual style. Try wearing these when you need a confidence booster.\\nTips\\nThere is no absolute guide to beauty or attractiveness. These tips can help, but they may not all work for you. Figure out what makes you feel beautiful and confident, and follow your own best beauty routine.\\nDon't change your style just to please someone's expectations. Be yourself, and odds are you'll feel more beautiful.\\nWarnings\\nNever criticize another person's appearance. It's rude, hurtful, and could lead to arguments or altercations.\\nDon't let vanity become the object of your life. It's important to feel good and look good, but remember that beauty is not everything.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"You have a right to feel good about yourself, no matter who you are. Feeling beautiful is something that some men may be unfamiliar with. This can be especially true for gay men, who have grown up in a society that is critical of them in a variety of ways. However, beauty basically boils down to personal presentation, confidence, and personality. Learning better personal grooming, wardrobe, and lifestyle habits can help you look and feel your best, while developing your personality, passions, and self esteem will let your true inner beauty shine.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Embracing Your Existing Beauty\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Work on developing your self esteem.\", \"描述\": \"Gay men, in particular, may have had years of self doubt and questioning due to living with homophobia in all its forms. This takes time and effort to shake off!\\nTake the time to identify what you think is beautiful about yourself, and nurture that beauty instead of doubting it.\\nYou should also believe other people when they tell you you are beautiful. They are telling you the truth as they see it!\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Fight internalized homophobia.\", \"描述\": \"It can be hard to find stereotypically \\\"gay\\\" aspects of your composure or personality beautiful. This is because straight society has defined these things as undesirable. Instead of falling prey to these ideas, embrace your \\\"gay voice\\\" or mannerisms that are stereotypically associated with gay men.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Focus on developing your passions and skills.\", \"描述\": \"Attractiveness may have less to do with physical traits than other character traits, such as a sense of humor or a sharp intellect. Become really good at something. Do projects or hobbies you love to do. Develop a career that is fulfilling. Having passions, skills, and pursuits makes you a more interesting, and attractive, person.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Don't compare yourself to others.\", \"描述\": \"It can be easy to see someone and think, \\\"I wish I could look that good.\\\" This can be especially hard in the gay community, where looks and traditional attractiveness tends to take center stage. However, this accomplishes nothing. Instead of comparing yourself to others, embrace your own looks.\\nLearn to recognize your own beauty, and let the good aspects of your looks and style make you feel more confident.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Find a gay community that embraces your beauty.\", \"描述\": \"There is no one way to be a beautiful and attractive gay man. Some gay men find skinny, hairless men beautiful. Other gay men prefer hairy, large men. In other words, if you want to feel beautiful you don't necessarily need to change yourself. Instead, you can surround yourself with people who like you as you are!\\nIt is undeniable that it feels good when someone else thinks you are beautiful. If you are around people that fill you with self doubt and self hatred, those people are toxic. Find other people that can see the beauty that already exists in you.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Developing Good Hygiene\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Wash your face.\", \"描述\": \"Your face is the first thing people see when they meet you. Caring for your skin is important to prevent acne, dry skin, or oily skin, and to look and feel your best.\\nWash your face with either cold or lukewarm water. Avoid using warm/hot water when you wash up.\\nUse a gentle exfoliator once or twice a week. Don't exfoliate too often, or you could irritate your skin.\\nPat your face dry with a clean, gentle cloth. Don't rub your face dry, or you could upset the skin.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Care for your teeth.\", \"描述\": \"Brushing and flossing should be a part of your daily routine, at least twice each day. Proper dental care will help prevent bad breath and keep your teeth bright and healthy.\\nUse an 18 inch-long piece of dental floss to get between your teeth, starting with the top row and working your way to the bottom. Form a C-shape around each tooth to ensure you get all sides (including the backs of teeth).\\nUse an antiseptic mouthwash to help kill bacteria in your mouth. Swish with mouthwash for roughly 30 to 60 seconds, then spit.\\nApply a pea-sized glob of fluoride toothpaste onto your toothbrush and work it across your teeth in a circular motion. Brush the front, back, and chewing surface of each tooth, then gently work your brush along the gum line to remove plaque and food residue.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Shower daily\", \"描述\": \"Most Americans shower on a daily basis, though many shower every other day or even less frequently, depending on water availability. Whenever you shower, it's important to take care of yourself for a cleaner, more confident body.\\nTry to keep to a lukewarm temperature. Temperature extremes can dry out your skin.\\nLather the shampoo of your choice and rub it into your scalp. You should also wash your beard (if you have facial hair) with shampoo to keep it clean and odor-free.\\nRinse out all the shampoo from your hair.\\nIf using conditioner, apply it similarly to your scalp and wash it all out.\\nUse soap or body wash to clean everything from your neck down. Lather, apply, and rinse thoroughly.\\nWash your genital area and posterior, moving from front to back.\\nMake sure you've rinsed away any residual soap before exiting the shower/bath.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Smell nice.\", \"描述\": \"At the very least, you should be wearing deodorant on a daily basis. However, the finer points of men's fragrance comes down to personal preference. If deodorant is enough for you, then choose a deodorant that you like and you're all set. If you're interested in a personal fragrance (like cologne or body spray), find one that works for you and try it out in small doses.\\nDeodorant should be worn everyday, no matter where you'll be.\\nIf using cologne or body spray, remember that less is more.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Grooming Yourself\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Keep your nails trimmed.\", \"描述\": \"It's important to keep your fingernails and toenails trimmed and even. Fingernails can easily chip, causing snags and scratches, and toenails look unsightly if they're overgrown.\\nKeep your nails clean. Use a nail pick to get any buildup out from under your fingernails and toenails.\\nUse nail clippers or a good pair of manicure scissors to trim your nails. Trim straight across, then round off the tips so they're not sharp or pointy.\\nUse an emery board if needed to help reduce sharp or jagged edges.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Manage your facial hair.\", \"描述\": \"Facial hair is another extremely personal choice. There's no right or wrong answer on whether you should go for a smooth shave or a scruffy beard, so go with whatever makes you comfortable and confident.\\nIf shaving, use a lubricating shave gel and a sharp razor (ideally single-blade). Shave in the direction of hair growth, and don't pull your surrounding skin taut to avoid damaging your skin.\\nIf you wear a beard, it's important to keep it trimmed. Use an electric beard trimmer to tame your facial hair, setting the guard to a length that works for your hair and style.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Trim your ear, nose, and neck hair.\", \"描述\": \"Whether you shave your face smooth, or keep some facial hair, you'll want to clean up the often-overlooked areas. That includes trimming back the hairs in your nostrils, in and on your ears, and off the back of your neck (below your hairline).\\nYou should also trim your eyebrows from time to time, so they don't get bushy and overgrown.\\nUse grooming scissors for the nose and ear hair, and a low-guard trimmer or straight razor for the hair on the back of your neck.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Decide whether to keep chest hair.\", \"描述\": \"Some men like a hairy chest. Others, however, may prefer a smooth chest, or at least a trimmed and well-groomed chest. This is ultimately your own choice (perhaps with feedback from your partner), but if you decide to trim your chest hair it's important to do it right.\\nIf you decide to thin out or trim your chest hair, use an electric clipper and move in the direction your hair grows.\\nIf you want a clean chest, you can either use a clipper with the guard off, or use a razor and moisturizing shaving lotion.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Find a hairstyle you love.\", \"描述\": \"If you are feeling like you're stuck in a rut, a slightly new look might be just the thing to snap you out of it. Getting a good haircut and styling your hair the way you like it can make you feel beautiful and confident, no matter what occasion you're preparing for.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Caring for Your Skin\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Moisturize your skin daily.\", \"描述\": \"In addition to washing your face and body, moisturizing your skin should be a part of your daily regimen. Use toner on your face to remove any excess oil or dirt, and follow up with a gentle moisturizer. You should also use a moisturizing lotion on your hands and any other parts of your body that are prone to dry, itchy skin.\\nChoose a moisturizer that works best for your skin type: dry, regular, or oily.\\nMake moisturizing a part of your daily routine at least once or twice each day.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Treat circles under your eyes.\", \"描述\": \"The circles under your eyes can make you look tired, old, and worn out. The good news is you can treat those dark circles for healthier, younger-looking skin.\\nPlace cool, moist tea bags over your eyelids. This can help reduce darkness and puffiness in your skin.\\nUse a specialized cream for dark under-eye circles. Look for a cream that contains caffeine, which reduces puffiness, as well as retinol and vitamins C and E.\\nIf all else fails, you can always use a tiny bit of concealer under your eyes. Choose a color that matches your skin tone to effectively cover up dark circles for a brighter, younger-looking complexion.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Protect yourself from the sun.\", \"描述\": \"The sun can cause tremendous damage to your skin, leaving you burnt and tender. After many years of overexposure to the sun, your skin can prematurely develop wrinkles, age spots, and an increased risk of skin cancer. One of the best ways to care for your skin over the long-term is to prevent unnecessary exposure to the sun's harmful U.V. rays.\\nUse broad-spectrum sunscreen. Make sure it has an SPF of 15 or higher, and reapply it at least every two hours.\\nTry to avoid being in direct sunlight between 10:00 AM and 2:00 PM, when U.V. rays are the strongest.\\nWear tightly-woven clothing that protects against ultraviolet rays. Opt for long sleeves and pants, and try to wear a wide-brimmed hat when you'll be spending a lot of time outdoors.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Avoid smoking\", \"描述\": \"Smoking is a significant contributor to prematurely aged skin. In addition to the health risks associated with smoking, daily exposure to cigarette smoke can decrease blood flow, leaving your skin more wrinkled and less elastic. It can also cause premature creases around your mouth and eyes.\\nThe best way to prevent smoke-induced skin damage is to avoid smoking altogether.\\nIf you're currently a smoker, talk to your doctor about how to break your smoking habit.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Putting Together a Wardrobe\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Avoid following current fashion trends.\", \"描述\": \"Fashion trends come and go, and what's popular this season may be out of favor within a month or two. Keeping on top of the latest fashion trends can be very expensive and could deprive you of a more permanent wardrobe. Instead of worrying about what's hot at the moment, choose classics that never go out of style.\\nIf you like button-downs or polo shirts wear them, as they are always fashionable.\\nIgnore trendy takes on classics, like ripped jeans or fringe jackets. Those lose favor very quickly, and tend to cost a lot of money.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Opt for fitted pant styles.\", \"描述\": \"A fitted pant leg will look much more dressy, confident, and attractive than a baggy pant leg. Whether you're choosing a pair of khakis for work or jeans for a night out, go for a more fitted style to get a more appealing look.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Fill your closet with basic dress clothes.\", \"描述\": \"No matter what occasion you're dressing for, having some basic dress clothes will help you look stylish and feel confident. You don't need to break the bank, either. Look for sales and discontinued items, or simply add one piece of clothing at a time to your wardrobe. Your wardrobe should include::\\nOne solid suit, either black or dark charcoal - opt for a single-breasted jacket with either two or three buttons for a classic look\\nDress pants - choose either khaki or dark charcoal to easily coordinate with other parts of your wardrobe\\nA tie - go for medium-width in a solid color\\nDress shoes - try to match your shoes with your belt and your suit color (black or brown are both popular choices)\"}]}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Finding Other Ways to Feel Attractive\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Exercise regularly.\", \"描述\": \"Having a daily workout routine will help you feel and look your best. A good workout should combine a rigorous cardio set with regular weight training for optimal results.\\nAim to do a cardio workout four days a week for at least 30 minutes.\\nIncorporate a 20 minute weight-training session twice a week.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Develop good posture.\", \"描述\": \"You may not think much about it on a day-to-day basis, but the way you stand or sit conveys a lot about your confidence and self-esteem. Over time, poor posture can also lead to back and neck problems.\\nTake regular stretch breaks at work or at home. Try to stand up, stretch, and open up your chest for a few minutes every half hour or so. You should also try to walk around and move your body a little as often as possible.\\nSit up straight for better back health and posture. Keep your back and neck straight with your shoulders slightly dropped whenever you're sitting at a desk or in a chair.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Change up your style.\", \"描述\": \"Some men go their whole lives without ever changing their style. If you know what you like, there's nothing wrong with that. However, changing up your style could help get you out of a rut and feel more confident and attractive.\\nIf you've never grown a beard, try growing one. Many men find that wearing a beard lends a sense of confidence and makes men look more attractive.\\nTry the opposite. If you've had a beard for many years, shave off your facial hair and see what your bare face looks like after all this time. You might find that you feel more attractive and younger with a simple shave.\\nPick up one or two articles of clothing that go against your usual style. Try wearing these when you need a confidence booster.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"There is no absolute guide to beauty or attractiveness. These tips can help, but they may not all work for you. Figure out what makes you feel beautiful and confident, and follow your own best beauty routine.\\n\", \"Don't change your style just to please someone's expectations. Be yourself, and odds are you'll feel more beautiful.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Never criticize another person's appearance. It's rude, hurtful, and could lead to arguments or altercations.\\n\", \"Don't let vanity become the object of your life. It's important to feel good and look good, but remember that beauty is not everything.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,561 | How to Be Bellatrix Lestrange for Halloween | 1. Putting Together a Bellatrix Outfit
1-1. Put on a long black dress.
The details aren’t very important; any fitted black dress can pass for a Bellatrix Lestrange dress as long as it’s solid black and falls somewhere between knee and ankle length.
You can also pair a long solid black skirt with a solid black shirt if you’d prefer.
1-2. Wear black stockings.
Put on some black stockings to complete your Bellatrix outfit. It’s ideal to go with either black fishnets or black sheer stockings.
1-3. Wear black high-heeled boots.
Bellatrix Lestrange wears knee-high black boots with a stiletto heel. Wear a pair of boots similar to these to demonstrate her sultry style.
If you aren’t comfortable wearing stiletto heels, you can instead wear black ankle boots with a smaller, more supportive heel.
If you aren’t interested in wearing high heels at all, wear a pair of solid black boots that have a flat heel.
1-4. Put a black corset on over your dress.
Wear a black corset to accentuate your curves like Bellatrix Lestrange does. This is essential to capturing both the sensuality and gothic darkness that she emits.
1-5. Wear long black fingerless gloves.
Bellatrix’s character has an edgy roughness about her. Get a pair of long solid black gloves and cut off the fingertips to display this roughness. Ideally, the gloves should at least reach your elbows.
1-6. Accessorize with a green necklace.
Bellatrix usually wears a necklace and is also a former student of the house of Slytherin. Because of this, you can wear any simple silver necklace with a green pendant. As an alternative, you can wear a Victorian-style necklace.
Victorian jewelry can be made of silver, gold, tortoiseshell, gemstones, pearls and/or an assortment of metals. Pieces that have a “C” clasp or a claw-like setting will appear especially Victorian.
1-7. Make or buy a magic wand.
When dressing up as a character from Harry Potter, having a wand is essential. You can either buy one online or in a Halloween store. As an alternative, you can make one yourself.
If you’re in a rush, head outside and find a stick to use as your wand.
You can make a simple DIY wand with chopsticks, a hot glue gun, and some brown paint. Create a knobby branch-like texture with the hot glue on the first two inches (5.1 cm) of the thicker end of the chopstick. Give the glue a couple minutes to cool and dry and finally coat the whole chopstick in brown paint with a paintbrush.
2. Applying Bellatrix Makeup
2-1. Put on foundation and concealer.
Before applying makeup specific to a Bellatrix look, use a makeup sponge or brush to apply a foundation and a concealer that match your skin tone. Apply liquid or powder foundation all over your face and neck. Then create an even canvas by using concealer to lighten your undereye area and cover up any blemishes.
2-2. Use a brown eyeshadow to add contrast and definition to your face.
First, apply brown eyeshadow to your cheeks to make them look sunken in. Then use the eyeshadow to create lines along the edges of your nose, which will make it look more pronounced. Use a makeup sponge or fluffy makeup brush to blend these areas softly into your foundation.
You can also use a contouring powder to do this.
2-3. Apply the brown eyeshadow to your eyelids.
Use this same brown eyeshadow to darken your eyes. Use a small makeup brush to lightly spread the brown eyeshadow across your entire eyelid. Then apply the eyeshadow directly underneath your lower waterline as well.
2-4. Apply a red eyeshadow to your eyelids.
Also add a translucent red color to your eyes. Put red eyeshadow on your eyelids overtop of the brown eyeshadow with a small makeup brush. This will further contribute to a somber appearance.
Once you’ve finished your eye makeup, practice opening your eyes wide and smiling a big, creepy smile like Bellatrix. The red and brown eyeshadow should help you look scary and insane when you make this Bellatrix face.
2-5. Go with a reddish-brownish lip color.
To look like Bellatrix, pick a lipstick, cream or gloss that is a reddish-brownish color. Carefully coat your lips and then rub them together to even out the application.
If you have a cupid’s bow, connect it with lipliner in order to resemble Bellatrix more accurately.
2-6. Draw on her tattoos with eyeliner.
Bellatrix has two main tattoos, and drawing these on with some black eyeliner can really take your costume to the next level. Use your eyeliner to write Bellatrix’s prisoner number on the left side of your neck. If your gloves don’t cover your forearms, also draw on the Dark Mark.
The Dark Mark is a skull with a twisted snake below it.
Bellatrix’s neck tattoo has four characters. The first looks like a lowercase “t” with lines that are curved, the second looks like an upside down capital “T” with another horizontal line beneath it, and the last two characters are the numbers “9” and “3.”
The eyeliner may smudge, so be careful not to touch the tattoo once you’ve drawn it on.
2-7. Put on a coat of black mascara.
Finish your look with a quick coat of mascara. Use a dark black mascara to continue contributing to a darkness vibe.
You can also put on some black eyeliner along your lower waterline to help with this.
3. Creating the Bellatrix Hairstyle
3-1. Spray heat protectant on your hair.
To keep your hair from getting damaged by hair styling tools that use heat, it’s always good to put on some heat protectant ahead of time. Hold the protectant about 6-8 inches (15.2-20.3 cm) away from your head, close your eyes, and spray all of your hair.
3-2. Curl your hair with a curling iron
Plug in and turn on a curling iron. Once it has heated up, take a small chunk of your hair and clamp the end with the iron. Rotate the iron and slowly bring it upward until most of the strand is wrapped around the iron. Hold it for several seconds and then release the hair from the clamp. Repeat this process for all of your hair.
3-3. Secure your hair with small clips.
As you curl your hair, spray, twist, and clip each curled chunk close to your head with small hair clips. This will help the curl to hold. Once you are done curling, all of your hair should be secured to your head with the clips. At this point, leave the clips in for at least two minutes and spray your hair with hairspray one more time if you wish.
3-4. Tease your hair to achieve messiness.
Unclip your hair completely and start using a comb to tease your hair. To do this, hold a strand by the ends of your hair and comb the hair upwards from the ends to the roots. This will create a crazy, disheveled look that’s vital to portraying Bellatrix.
Practice your high-pitched bone-chilling Bellatrix laugh while you toss around your messy hair. Paired together, these will help you portray Bellatrix’s dark insanity.
3-5. Pin up your hair around the crown area.
Use bobby pins to pin up hair around the crown of your head in a messy half-up half-down way. Secure the bobby pins in an “x” shape so that your hairstyle will hold.
3-6. Cover one eye with a big chunk of hair.
Instead of pinning it back, let a big chunk of hair near your face fall forward and cover one eye. This is key part of Bellatrix’s image.
3-7. Use white eyeshadow to create a white streak.
Bellatrix has a small solid chunk of white hair. Dab a big makeup brush in white eyeshadow and apply the eyeshadow to a chunk of hair that is close to your face.
You can also create the illusion of white hair with dry shampoo or baby powder.
Tips
Remember to act like Bellatrix while you’re in costume. Call people “filthy Mudbloods,” let out frequent high-pitched shrieks and cackles, keep your eyes opened wide, be sarcastic, be insensitive, and constantly talk highly of Voldemort.
If you're not confident in your ability to draw the Dark Mark, you could try purchasing a temporary tattoo with the design.
Warnings
It may take a while to get knots out of your hair if you tease it, so be warned. It may also hurt because you have to pull.
Be very careful when handling your curling iron. If you touch it while it’s hot, you may burn your skin.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:22",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Putting Together a Bellatrix Outfit\\n1-1. Put on a long black dress.\\nThe details aren’t very important; any fitted black dress can pass for a Bellatrix Lestrange dress as long as it’s solid black and falls somewhere between knee and ankle length. \\nYou can also pair a long solid black skirt with a solid black shirt if you’d prefer.\\n1-2. Wear black stockings.\\nPut on some black stockings to complete your Bellatrix outfit. It’s ideal to go with either black fishnets or black sheer stockings.\\n1-3. Wear black high-heeled boots.\\nBellatrix Lestrange wears knee-high black boots with a stiletto heel. Wear a pair of boots similar to these to demonstrate her sultry style. \\nIf you aren’t comfortable wearing stiletto heels, you can instead wear black ankle boots with a smaller, more supportive heel.\\nIf you aren’t interested in wearing high heels at all, wear a pair of solid black boots that have a flat heel.\\n1-4. Put a black corset on over your dress.\\nWear a black corset to accentuate your curves like Bellatrix Lestrange does. This is essential to capturing both the sensuality and gothic darkness that she emits.\\n1-5. Wear long black fingerless gloves.\\nBellatrix’s character has an edgy roughness about her. Get a pair of long solid black gloves and cut off the fingertips to display this roughness. Ideally, the gloves should at least reach your elbows.\\n1-6. Accessorize with a green necklace.\\nBellatrix usually wears a necklace and is also a former student of the house of Slytherin. Because of this, you can wear any simple silver necklace with a green pendant. As an alternative, you can wear a Victorian-style necklace. \\nVictorian jewelry can be made of silver, gold, tortoiseshell, gemstones, pearls and/or an assortment of metals. Pieces that have a “C” clasp or a claw-like setting will appear especially Victorian.\\n1-7. Make or buy a magic wand.\\nWhen dressing up as a character from Harry Potter, having a wand is essential. You can either buy one online or in a Halloween store. As an alternative, you can make one yourself.\\nIf you’re in a rush, head outside and find a stick to use as your wand.\\nYou can make a simple DIY wand with chopsticks, a hot glue gun, and some brown paint. Create a knobby branch-like texture with the hot glue on the first two inches (5.1 cm) of the thicker end of the chopstick. Give the glue a couple minutes to cool and dry and finally coat the whole chopstick in brown paint with a paintbrush.\\n2. Applying Bellatrix Makeup\\n2-1. Put on foundation and concealer.\\nBefore applying makeup specific to a Bellatrix look, use a makeup sponge or brush to apply a foundation and a concealer that match your skin tone. Apply liquid or powder foundation all over your face and neck. Then create an even canvas by using concealer to lighten your undereye area and cover up any blemishes.\\n2-2. Use a brown eyeshadow to add contrast and definition to your face.\\nFirst, apply brown eyeshadow to your cheeks to make them look sunken in. Then use the eyeshadow to create lines along the edges of your nose, which will make it look more pronounced. Use a makeup sponge or fluffy makeup brush to blend these areas softly into your foundation.\\nYou can also use a contouring powder to do this.\\n2-3. Apply the brown eyeshadow to your eyelids.\\nUse this same brown eyeshadow to darken your eyes. Use a small makeup brush to lightly spread the brown eyeshadow across your entire eyelid. Then apply the eyeshadow directly underneath your lower waterline as well.\\n2-4. Apply a red eyeshadow to your eyelids.\\nAlso add a translucent red color to your eyes. Put red eyeshadow on your eyelids overtop of the brown eyeshadow with a small makeup brush. This will further contribute to a somber appearance.\\nOnce you’ve finished your eye makeup, practice opening your eyes wide and smiling a big, creepy smile like Bellatrix. The red and brown eyeshadow should help you look scary and insane when you make this Bellatrix face.\\n2-5. Go with a reddish-brownish lip color.\\nTo look like Bellatrix, pick a lipstick, cream or gloss that is a reddish-brownish color. Carefully coat your lips and then rub them together to even out the application.\\nIf you have a cupid’s bow, connect it with lipliner in order to resemble Bellatrix more accurately.\\n2-6. Draw on her tattoos with eyeliner.\\nBellatrix has two main tattoos, and drawing these on with some black eyeliner can really take your costume to the next level. Use your eyeliner to write Bellatrix’s prisoner number on the left side of your neck. If your gloves don’t cover your forearms, also draw on the Dark Mark.\\nThe Dark Mark is a skull with a twisted snake below it.\\nBellatrix’s neck tattoo has four characters. The first looks like a lowercase “t” with lines that are curved, the second looks like an upside down capital “T” with another horizontal line beneath it, and the last two characters are the numbers “9” and “3.”\\nThe eyeliner may smudge, so be careful not to touch the tattoo once you’ve drawn it on.\\n2-7. Put on a coat of black mascara.\\nFinish your look with a quick coat of mascara. Use a dark black mascara to continue contributing to a darkness vibe. \\nYou can also put on some black eyeliner along your lower waterline to help with this.\\n3. Creating the Bellatrix Hairstyle\\n3-1. Spray heat protectant on your hair.\\nTo keep your hair from getting damaged by hair styling tools that use heat, it’s always good to put on some heat protectant ahead of time. Hold the protectant about 6-8 inches (15.2-20.3 cm) away from your head, close your eyes, and spray all of your hair.\\n3-2. Curl your hair with a curling iron\\nPlug in and turn on a curling iron. Once it has heated up, take a small chunk of your hair and clamp the end with the iron. Rotate the iron and slowly bring it upward until most of the strand is wrapped around the iron. Hold it for several seconds and then release the hair from the clamp. Repeat this process for all of your hair.\\n3-3. Secure your hair with small clips.\\nAs you curl your hair, spray, twist, and clip each curled chunk close to your head with small hair clips. This will help the curl to hold. Once you are done curling, all of your hair should be secured to your head with the clips. At this point, leave the clips in for at least two minutes and spray your hair with hairspray one more time if you wish.\\n3-4. Tease your hair to achieve messiness.\\nUnclip your hair completely and start using a comb to tease your hair. To do this, hold a strand by the ends of your hair and comb the hair upwards from the ends to the roots. This will create a crazy, disheveled look that’s vital to portraying Bellatrix.\\nPractice your high-pitched bone-chilling Bellatrix laugh while you toss around your messy hair. Paired together, these will help you portray Bellatrix’s dark insanity.\\n3-5. Pin up your hair around the crown area.\\nUse bobby pins to pin up hair around the crown of your head in a messy half-up half-down way. Secure the bobby pins in an “x” shape so that your hairstyle will hold.\\n3-6. Cover one eye with a big chunk of hair.\\nInstead of pinning it back, let a big chunk of hair near your face fall forward and cover one eye. This is key part of Bellatrix’s image.\\n3-7. Use white eyeshadow to create a white streak.\\nBellatrix has a small solid chunk of white hair. Dab a big makeup brush in white eyeshadow and apply the eyeshadow to a chunk of hair that is close to your face.\\nYou can also create the illusion of white hair with dry shampoo or baby powder.\\nTips\\nRemember to act like Bellatrix while you’re in costume. Call people “filthy Mudbloods,” let out frequent high-pitched shrieks and cackles, keep your eyes opened wide, be sarcastic, be insensitive, and constantly talk highly of Voldemort.\\nIf you're not confident in your ability to draw the Dark Mark, you could try purchasing a temporary tattoo with the design.\\nWarnings\\nIt may take a while to get knots out of your hair if you tease it, so be warned. It may also hurt because you have to pull.\\nBe very careful when handling your curling iron. If you touch it while it’s hot, you may burn your skin.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"As a Harry Potter fan, you may be considering dressing up as one of the Harry Potter characters for Halloween. If you want to dress up as someone cruel, dark, and crazy, then Bellatrix Lestrange is the way to go. To achieve a Bellatrix look, you’ll need to wear the clothes she wears, do your makeup to reflect her appearance, and also style your hair the way she does.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Putting Together a Bellatrix Outfit\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Put on a long black dress.\", \"描述\": \"The details aren’t very important; any fitted black dress can pass for a Bellatrix Lestrange dress as long as it’s solid black and falls somewhere between knee and ankle length. \\nYou can also pair a long solid black skirt with a solid black shirt if you’d prefer.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Wear black stockings.\", \"描述\": \"Put on some black stockings to complete your Bellatrix outfit. It’s ideal to go with either black fishnets or black sheer stockings.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Wear black high-heeled boots.\", \"描述\": \"Bellatrix Lestrange wears knee-high black boots with a stiletto heel. Wear a pair of boots similar to these to demonstrate her sultry style. \\nIf you aren’t comfortable wearing stiletto heels, you can instead wear black ankle boots with a smaller, more supportive heel.\\nIf you aren’t interested in wearing high heels at all, wear a pair of solid black boots that have a flat heel.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Put a black corset on over your dress.\", \"描述\": \"Wear a black corset to accentuate your curves like Bellatrix Lestrange does. This is essential to capturing both the sensuality and gothic darkness that she emits.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Wear long black fingerless gloves.\", \"描述\": \"Bellatrix’s character has an edgy roughness about her. Get a pair of long solid black gloves and cut off the fingertips to display this roughness. Ideally, the gloves should at least reach your elbows.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Accessorize with a green necklace.\", \"描述\": \"Bellatrix usually wears a necklace and is also a former student of the house of Slytherin. Because of this, you can wear any simple silver necklace with a green pendant. As an alternative, you can wear a Victorian-style necklace. \\nVictorian jewelry can be made of silver, gold, tortoiseshell, gemstones, pearls and/or an assortment of metals. Pieces that have a “C” clasp or a claw-like setting will appear especially Victorian.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Make or buy a magic wand.\", \"描述\": \"When dressing up as a character from Harry Potter, having a wand is essential. You can either buy one online or in a Halloween store. As an alternative, you can make one yourself.\\nIf you’re in a rush, head outside and find a stick to use as your wand.\\nYou can make a simple DIY wand with chopsticks, a hot glue gun, and some brown paint. Create a knobby branch-like texture with the hot glue on the first two inches (5.1 cm) of the thicker end of the chopstick. Give the glue a couple minutes to cool and dry and finally coat the whole chopstick in brown paint with a paintbrush.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Applying Bellatrix Makeup\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Put on foundation and concealer.\", \"描述\": \"Before applying makeup specific to a Bellatrix look, use a makeup sponge or brush to apply a foundation and a concealer that match your skin tone. Apply liquid or powder foundation all over your face and neck. Then create an even canvas by using concealer to lighten your undereye area and cover up any blemishes.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Use a brown eyeshadow to add contrast and definition to your face.\", \"描述\": \"First, apply brown eyeshadow to your cheeks to make them look sunken in. Then use the eyeshadow to create lines along the edges of your nose, which will make it look more pronounced. Use a makeup sponge or fluffy makeup brush to blend these areas softly into your foundation.\\nYou can also use a contouring powder to do this.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Apply the brown eyeshadow to your eyelids.\", \"描述\": \"Use this same brown eyeshadow to darken your eyes. Use a small makeup brush to lightly spread the brown eyeshadow across your entire eyelid. Then apply the eyeshadow directly underneath your lower waterline as well.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Apply a red eyeshadow to your eyelids.\", \"描述\": \"Also add a translucent red color to your eyes. Put red eyeshadow on your eyelids overtop of the brown eyeshadow with a small makeup brush. This will further contribute to a somber appearance.\\nOnce you’ve finished your eye makeup, practice opening your eyes wide and smiling a big, creepy smile like Bellatrix. The red and brown eyeshadow should help you look scary and insane when you make this Bellatrix face.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Go with a reddish-brownish lip color.\", \"描述\": \"To look like Bellatrix, pick a lipstick, cream or gloss that is a reddish-brownish color. Carefully coat your lips and then rub them together to even out the application.\\nIf you have a cupid’s bow, connect it with lipliner in order to resemble Bellatrix more accurately.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Draw on her tattoos with eyeliner.\", \"描述\": \"Bellatrix has two main tattoos, and drawing these on with some black eyeliner can really take your costume to the next level. Use your eyeliner to write Bellatrix’s prisoner number on the left side of your neck. If your gloves don’t cover your forearms, also draw on the Dark Mark.\\nThe Dark Mark is a skull with a twisted snake below it.\\nBellatrix’s neck tattoo has four characters. The first looks like a lowercase “t” with lines that are curved, the second looks like an upside down capital “T” with another horizontal line beneath it, and the last two characters are the numbers “9” and “3.”\\nThe eyeliner may smudge, so be careful not to touch the tattoo once you’ve drawn it on.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Put on a coat of black mascara.\", \"描述\": \"Finish your look with a quick coat of mascara. Use a dark black mascara to continue contributing to a darkness vibe. \\nYou can also put on some black eyeliner along your lower waterline to help with this.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Creating the Bellatrix Hairstyle\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Spray heat protectant on your hair.\", \"描述\": \"To keep your hair from getting damaged by hair styling tools that use heat, it’s always good to put on some heat protectant ahead of time. Hold the protectant about 6-8 inches (15.2-20.3 cm) away from your head, close your eyes, and spray all of your hair.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Curl your hair with a curling iron\", \"描述\": \"Plug in and turn on a curling iron. Once it has heated up, take a small chunk of your hair and clamp the end with the iron. Rotate the iron and slowly bring it upward until most of the strand is wrapped around the iron. Hold it for several seconds and then release the hair from the clamp. Repeat this process for all of your hair.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Secure your hair with small clips.\", \"描述\": \"As you curl your hair, spray, twist, and clip each curled chunk close to your head with small hair clips. This will help the curl to hold. Once you are done curling, all of your hair should be secured to your head with the clips. At this point, leave the clips in for at least two minutes and spray your hair with hairspray one more time if you wish.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Tease your hair to achieve messiness.\", \"描述\": \"Unclip your hair completely and start using a comb to tease your hair. To do this, hold a strand by the ends of your hair and comb the hair upwards from the ends to the roots. This will create a crazy, disheveled look that’s vital to portraying Bellatrix.\\nPractice your high-pitched bone-chilling Bellatrix laugh while you toss around your messy hair. Paired together, these will help you portray Bellatrix’s dark insanity.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Pin up your hair around the crown area.\", \"描述\": \"Use bobby pins to pin up hair around the crown of your head in a messy half-up half-down way. Secure the bobby pins in an “x” shape so that your hairstyle will hold.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Cover one eye with a big chunk of hair.\", \"描述\": \"Instead of pinning it back, let a big chunk of hair near your face fall forward and cover one eye. This is key part of Bellatrix’s image.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Use white eyeshadow to create a white streak.\", \"描述\": \"Bellatrix has a small solid chunk of white hair. Dab a big makeup brush in white eyeshadow and apply the eyeshadow to a chunk of hair that is close to your face.\\nYou can also create the illusion of white hair with dry shampoo or baby powder.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Remember to act like Bellatrix while you’re in costume. Call people “filthy Mudbloods,” let out frequent high-pitched shrieks and cackles, keep your eyes opened wide, be sarcastic, be insensitive, and constantly talk highly of Voldemort.\\n\", \"If you're not confident in your ability to draw the Dark Mark, you could try purchasing a temporary tattoo with the design.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"It may take a while to get knots out of your hair if you tease it, so be warned. It may also hurt because you have to pull.\\n\", \"Be very careful when handling your curling iron. If you touch it while it’s hot, you may burn your skin.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,562 | How to Be Best Friends | 1. Enjoying Life with Your Friend
1-1. Plan activities together.
Some of the most cherished memories that people have are of times when they were out with their best friend. Make plans together and be sure to actually follow through on them. The most important thing is to be sure you’re making an effort to spend time with them outside your home, school, or work.
You can do pretty much anything you want with your best friend. Take a day trip where you spend the whole day together, or just put an hour aside to grab coffee. The important thing is that you enjoy your time together.
1-2. Stay in together.
Best friends don’t have to do something crazy to have a good time. Sometimes, it’s enough to go over to one of your houses and just hang out. Invite your friend over even when you don’t have something special planned. Just enjoy each other’s company and relax.
There are still fun activities you can do if you’re staying inside. Watch a movie, play video games, bake some cupcakes – whatever. Staying home doesn’t have to mean sitting quietly on the couch.
1-3. Do some things regularly with one another.
Seeing each other on a regular basis will make the bond between you even stronger. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Maybe you eat lunch together every day or you take the bus to school together. Even if it’s only for 20 minutes or so, regularly seeing your friend is an important part of being a best friend.
Regular activities will also help you create some good memories because it gives you more opportunities to do things together.
As well as helping you be best friends with someone, regular social interaction is just plain good for your mental health. Science has shown that it reduces the chance of experiencing anxiety, depression, and stress if they see another person face-to-face regularly. If you struggle with these problems, regular social activities will help you feel better and strengthen your friendships.
1-4. Share inside jokes.
As you spend time together, there will be moments that cause the two of you to break into hysterical laughter. Remember these times and bring them up later. It’ll make the two of you smile and start laughing again as well as remind both of you of all the happy moments that you’ve shared with one another.
1-5. Be spontaneous.
You don’t need to follow a script to be best friends with someone. Hit them up whenever you feel like it. Your friend will appreciate that you think about them even when you aren’t hanging out with each other.
Aren’t sure what’s appropriate? If you’re not with them and see something that reminds you of them or you know they’ll think is funny, call or text them and tell them about it. Ask them to hang out even if you don’t have plans to. Just reach out.
1-6. Make friends with their family.
Being best friends with someone probably means you’re spending a lot of time at their house. Get to know their family members and become friends with them. Ask them about their life and how things have been going when you see them. Try to remember details about them that you can bring up the next time you see them. You may not get along all the time, but in general you should make an effort to be friendly with their family.
You may get invited on family vacations if you’re best friends with someone. Make sure to be on your best behavior and treat all their relatives with respect if you’re fortunate enough to be invited. If you don’t, it could really do some damage to your friendship.
2. Supporting Your Best Friend
2-1. Be there for your friend when they’re sad.
We all have moments in life where we feel bad. If your friend is upset, talk to them and encourage them to express why they’re feeling low. Try to see things from their perspective and offer sympathy. They’ll see how important they are to you and return the favor when you need it.
Most of the time, people are more interested in someone sympathizing with them than they are with someone offering solutions. As tempting as it can be, don’t try to tell your friend how to solve their problem when they’re talking to you. If you really feel like you need to say something, wait until they have calmed down a little bit to bring it up.
If they’re truly in a slump, you may need to do more for them. Help them with things like running errands and basic chores. They’ll really value it once they’ve bounced back.
Sometimes people experience awful things like the death of a family member that cause them to go through the grieving process. This pretty much always makes people do things that are out of character, but don’t mistake this for them not wanting your support. If someone’s dealing with a tragedy, stay by their side even if they don’t seem happy to see you. Your best friend still needs your help and will never forget that you supported them the whole time.
2-2. Allow your best friend to support you.
Support is a two-way street. You have to trust the person offering it for it to be effective. Go to your best friend if you’re sad or angry about something. Be open with your friend and talk about why you feel that way. Not only will it help you feel better, it will build the trust you two share and strengthen the bonds of your friendship as well.
This involves practice being vulnerable by opening up and sharing yourself even in the face of rejection. Vulnerability may seem difficult, but it can help lead to deeper relationships as it provides your friend with a space to open up, too.
2-3. Encourage your best friend.
You should try to support your best friend at all times, not just when they’re sad. Encourage your best friend to try everything they want to and do their best in everything they try. It will help put them in a better mood and give them energy to chase their dreams, something they will definitely appreciate. They’ll always remember the people who cheered them along the way to achieving their dreams.
Even if you don’t approve of what they want to do, you should still support your friend as long as it won’t hurt them and won’t get them in trouble. You don’t have to do all of the same things your friend does. Supporting your friend when they know you aren’t a huge fan of whatever they are trying to do will mean a lot to them.
2-4. Be loyal to your best friend.
Don’t tell other people things that your best friend told you to keep a secret. Don’t try to get them to do something they don’t want to do for your own gain. These things will betray their trust and ruin your friendship forever.
This might mean making some tough decisions about who your loyalty lies with when two of your friends are in a conflict. At the end of the day, you should stand by your best friend’s side. This kind of unconditional loyalty is very important.
If you want your best friend to trust you with their secrets, you will probably have to tell them a few of your own. If you ever have something you feel like you just have to get off your chest, your best friend should be one of the first people you turn to. Sharing secrets with one another will make it easy for the two of you to be loyal to one another.
2-5. Accept their flaws.
No one is perfect, so you shouldn’t expect this from your best friend. Don’t try to change things about your friend that you think are bad or holding them back. They probably know what they are just as much as you do. In time, you may realize that these quirks are what drew the two of you together in the first place.
3. Being Someone People Want to Call Their Friend
3-1. Practice kindness.
Kindness makes the person doing it and the person receiving it happy. People want to be around people who are habitually kind. Treat everyone with respect and do little things to help out people who you can see are struggling with something. You’d be surprised at the impact even the smallest of gestures can have.
3-2. View friends as equals.
You shouldn’t look down on your friends and you shouldn’t treat them like royalty either. People don’t like it when other people think they are better than them. At the same time, most people get uncomfortable when it’s clear that someone has low self-esteem in comparison to them. At the end of the day, we’re all just people. Try to remember this at all times.
If this is something you continually struggle with, put an effort into thinking about what you are going to say and how people might see it. It shouldn’t like you’re trying to be mean to your friend to yourself. If you monitor yourself carefully, your habits will naturally change in time.
3-3. Be funny.
It’s not a secret – people like to laugh. Make jokes when it’s appropriate. It’s ok to tease someone, but don’t say anything that is genuinely mean-spirited. You’ll be happier finding the humor in the little things and people will want to spend more time with you.
Don’t worry if you aren’t a natural comedian. A good way to be funny is to surround yourself with people, media, and things that make you laugh. Watch comedies and listen to comedians. Take some time to relax each day if you have a stressful schedule. It won’t happen overnight, but soon you’ll be more comfortable doing things and cracking jokes that make people laugh.
3-4. Be yourself.
There’s no point in trying to be a different person because you think someone will like you more that way. Unless they’re not terribly perceptive, they’ll be able to see straight through your act. No one wants to hang out with posers. Being yourself will attract friends who like you for you, not for what you’re trying to be.
Being your genuine self means being open, honest, and sincere about who you are. It also means keeping your word and being trustworthy. Practice being genuine with yourself and others. This will help you build your relationships with others, as well as your self-confidence.
Tips
Being around your best friend should make you feel good. If you aren’t enjoying yourself around your best friend, it might be time to reexamine the people you surround yourself with.
Don’t expect something in return if you do something for your friend. You should do it because you want to, not so you can get something out of it.
Don't go into a friend problem unless those two people are your friends. If they know you're trying to get them along, just say that they are your best friends and you don't want to see them fight.
Warnings
People change and friends drift apart. This is true for best friends as well. Don’t try to hang on to a best friend that isn’t interested in spending time with you. Doing so is just asking to get hurt.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:22",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Enjoying Life with Your Friend\\n1-1. Plan activities together.\\nSome of the most cherished memories that people have are of times when they were out with their best friend. Make plans together and be sure to actually follow through on them. The most important thing is to be sure you’re making an effort to spend time with them outside your home, school, or work.\\nYou can do pretty much anything you want with your best friend. Take a day trip where you spend the whole day together, or just put an hour aside to grab coffee. The important thing is that you enjoy your time together.\\n1-2. Stay in together.\\nBest friends don’t have to do something crazy to have a good time. Sometimes, it’s enough to go over to one of your houses and just hang out. Invite your friend over even when you don’t have something special planned. Just enjoy each other’s company and relax.\\nThere are still fun activities you can do if you’re staying inside. Watch a movie, play video games, bake some cupcakes – whatever. Staying home doesn’t have to mean sitting quietly on the couch.\\n1-3. Do some things regularly with one another.\\nSeeing each other on a regular basis will make the bond between you even stronger. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Maybe you eat lunch together every day or you take the bus to school together. Even if it’s only for 20 minutes or so, regularly seeing your friend is an important part of being a best friend.\\nRegular activities will also help you create some good memories because it gives you more opportunities to do things together.\\nAs well as helping you be best friends with someone, regular social interaction is just plain good for your mental health. Science has shown that it reduces the chance of experiencing anxiety, depression, and stress if they see another person face-to-face regularly. If you struggle with these problems, regular social activities will help you feel better and strengthen your friendships.\\n1-4. Share inside jokes.\\nAs you spend time together, there will be moments that cause the two of you to break into hysterical laughter. Remember these times and bring them up later. It’ll make the two of you smile and start laughing again as well as remind both of you of all the happy moments that you’ve shared with one another.\\n1-5. Be spontaneous.\\nYou don’t need to follow a script to be best friends with someone. Hit them up whenever you feel like it. Your friend will appreciate that you think about them even when you aren’t hanging out with each other.\\nAren’t sure what’s appropriate? If you’re not with them and see something that reminds you of them or you know they’ll think is funny, call or text them and tell them about it. Ask them to hang out even if you don’t have plans to. Just reach out.\\n1-6. Make friends with their family.\\nBeing best friends with someone probably means you’re spending a lot of time at their house. Get to know their family members and become friends with them. Ask them about their life and how things have been going when you see them. Try to remember details about them that you can bring up the next time you see them. You may not get along all the time, but in general you should make an effort to be friendly with their family.\\nYou may get invited on family vacations if you’re best friends with someone. Make sure to be on your best behavior and treat all their relatives with respect if you’re fortunate enough to be invited. If you don’t, it could really do some damage to your friendship.\\n2. Supporting Your Best Friend\\n2-1. Be there for your friend when they’re sad.\\nWe all have moments in life where we feel bad. If your friend is upset, talk to them and encourage them to express why they’re feeling low. Try to see things from their perspective and offer sympathy. They’ll see how important they are to you and return the favor when you need it. \\nMost of the time, people are more interested in someone sympathizing with them than they are with someone offering solutions. As tempting as it can be, don’t try to tell your friend how to solve their problem when they’re talking to you. If you really feel like you need to say something, wait until they have calmed down a little bit to bring it up. \\nIf they’re truly in a slump, you may need to do more for them. Help them with things like running errands and basic chores. They’ll really value it once they’ve bounced back.\\nSometimes people experience awful things like the death of a family member that cause them to go through the grieving process. This pretty much always makes people do things that are out of character, but don’t mistake this for them not wanting your support. If someone’s dealing with a tragedy, stay by their side even if they don’t seem happy to see you. Your best friend still needs your help and will never forget that you supported them the whole time.\\n2-2. Allow your best friend to support you.\\nSupport is a two-way street. You have to trust the person offering it for it to be effective. Go to your best friend if you’re sad or angry about something. Be open with your friend and talk about why you feel that way. Not only will it help you feel better, it will build the trust you two share and strengthen the bonds of your friendship as well.\\nThis involves practice being vulnerable by opening up and sharing yourself even in the face of rejection. Vulnerability may seem difficult, but it can help lead to deeper relationships as it provides your friend with a space to open up, too.\\n2-3. Encourage your best friend.\\nYou should try to support your best friend at all times, not just when they’re sad. Encourage your best friend to try everything they want to and do their best in everything they try. It will help put them in a better mood and give them energy to chase their dreams, something they will definitely appreciate. They’ll always remember the people who cheered them along the way to achieving their dreams.\\nEven if you don’t approve of what they want to do, you should still support your friend as long as it won’t hurt them and won’t get them in trouble. You don’t have to do all of the same things your friend does. Supporting your friend when they know you aren’t a huge fan of whatever they are trying to do will mean a lot to them.\\n2-4. Be loyal to your best friend.\\nDon’t tell other people things that your best friend told you to keep a secret. Don’t try to get them to do something they don’t want to do for your own gain. These things will betray their trust and ruin your friendship forever.\\nThis might mean making some tough decisions about who your loyalty lies with when two of your friends are in a conflict. At the end of the day, you should stand by your best friend’s side. This kind of unconditional loyalty is very important.\\nIf you want your best friend to trust you with their secrets, you will probably have to tell them a few of your own. If you ever have something you feel like you just have to get off your chest, your best friend should be one of the first people you turn to. Sharing secrets with one another will make it easy for the two of you to be loyal to one another.\\n2-5. Accept their flaws.\\nNo one is perfect, so you shouldn’t expect this from your best friend. Don’t try to change things about your friend that you think are bad or holding them back. They probably know what they are just as much as you do. In time, you may realize that these quirks are what drew the two of you together in the first place.\\n3. Being Someone People Want to Call Their Friend\\n3-1. Practice kindness.\\nKindness makes the person doing it and the person receiving it happy. People want to be around people who are habitually kind. Treat everyone with respect and do little things to help out people who you can see are struggling with something. You’d be surprised at the impact even the smallest of gestures can have.\\n3-2. View friends as equals.\\nYou shouldn’t look down on your friends and you shouldn’t treat them like royalty either. People don’t like it when other people think they are better than them. At the same time, most people get uncomfortable when it’s clear that someone has low self-esteem in comparison to them. At the end of the day, we’re all just people. Try to remember this at all times.\\nIf this is something you continually struggle with, put an effort into thinking about what you are going to say and how people might see it. It shouldn’t like you’re trying to be mean to your friend to yourself. If you monitor yourself carefully, your habits will naturally change in time.\\n3-3. Be funny.\\nIt’s not a secret – people like to laugh. Make jokes when it’s appropriate. It’s ok to tease someone, but don’t say anything that is genuinely mean-spirited. You’ll be happier finding the humor in the little things and people will want to spend more time with you.\\nDon’t worry if you aren’t a natural comedian. A good way to be funny is to surround yourself with people, media, and things that make you laugh. Watch comedies and listen to comedians. Take some time to relax each day if you have a stressful schedule. It won’t happen overnight, but soon you’ll be more comfortable doing things and cracking jokes that make people laugh.\\n3-4. Be yourself.\\nThere’s no point in trying to be a different person because you think someone will like you more that way. Unless they’re not terribly perceptive, they’ll be able to see straight through your act. No one wants to hang out with posers. Being yourself will attract friends who like you for you, not for what you’re trying to be.\\nBeing your genuine self means being open, honest, and sincere about who you are. It also means keeping your word and being trustworthy. Practice being genuine with yourself and others. This will help you build your relationships with others, as well as your self-confidence.\\nTips\\nBeing around your best friend should make you feel good. If you aren’t enjoying yourself around your best friend, it might be time to reexamine the people you surround yourself with.\\nDon’t expect something in return if you do something for your friend. You should do it because you want to, not so you can get something out of it.\\nDon't go into a friend problem unless those two people are your friends. If they know you're trying to get them along, just say that they are your best friends and you don't want to see them fight.\\nWarnings\\nPeople change and friends drift apart. This is true for best friends as well. Don’t try to hang on to a best friend that isn’t interested in spending time with you. Doing so is just asking to get hurt.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"The relationship between best friends is one of the most important ones we experience in our lives. It’s why we want to do as much as possible to make sure our best friend enjoys spending time with us. Most of the time this comes naturally, but every once in a while we need to remind ourselves of the things we do that make some friends more special than others.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Enjoying Life with Your Friend\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Plan activities together.\", \"描述\": \"Some of the most cherished memories that people have are of times when they were out with their best friend. Make plans together and be sure to actually follow through on them. The most important thing is to be sure you’re making an effort to spend time with them outside your home, school, or work.\\nYou can do pretty much anything you want with your best friend. Take a day trip where you spend the whole day together, or just put an hour aside to grab coffee. The important thing is that you enjoy your time together.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Stay in together.\", \"描述\": \"Best friends don’t have to do something crazy to have a good time. Sometimes, it’s enough to go over to one of your houses and just hang out. Invite your friend over even when you don’t have something special planned. Just enjoy each other’s company and relax.\\nThere are still fun activities you can do if you’re staying inside. Watch a movie, play video games, bake some cupcakes – whatever. Staying home doesn’t have to mean sitting quietly on the couch.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Do some things regularly with one another.\", \"描述\": \"Seeing each other on a regular basis will make the bond between you even stronger. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Maybe you eat lunch together every day or you take the bus to school together. Even if it’s only for 20 minutes or so, regularly seeing your friend is an important part of being a best friend.\\nRegular activities will also help you create some good memories because it gives you more opportunities to do things together.\\nAs well as helping you be best friends with someone, regular social interaction is just plain good for your mental health. Science has shown that it reduces the chance of experiencing anxiety, depression, and stress if they see another person face-to-face regularly. If you struggle with these problems, regular social activities will help you feel better and strengthen your friendships.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Share inside jokes.\", \"描述\": \"As you spend time together, there will be moments that cause the two of you to break into hysterical laughter. Remember these times and bring them up later. It’ll make the two of you smile and start laughing again as well as remind both of you of all the happy moments that you’ve shared with one another.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be spontaneous.\", \"描述\": \"You don’t need to follow a script to be best friends with someone. Hit them up whenever you feel like it. Your friend will appreciate that you think about them even when you aren’t hanging out with each other.\\nAren’t sure what’s appropriate? If you’re not with them and see something that reminds you of them or you know they’ll think is funny, call or text them and tell them about it. Ask them to hang out even if you don’t have plans to. Just reach out.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Make friends with their family.\", \"描述\": \"Being best friends with someone probably means you’re spending a lot of time at their house. Get to know their family members and become friends with them. Ask them about their life and how things have been going when you see them. Try to remember details about them that you can bring up the next time you see them. You may not get along all the time, but in general you should make an effort to be friendly with their family.\\nYou may get invited on family vacations if you’re best friends with someone. Make sure to be on your best behavior and treat all their relatives with respect if you’re fortunate enough to be invited. If you don’t, it could really do some damage to your friendship.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Supporting Your Best Friend\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be there for your friend when they’re sad.\", \"描述\": \"We all have moments in life where we feel bad. If your friend is upset, talk to them and encourage them to express why they’re feeling low. Try to see things from their perspective and offer sympathy. They’ll see how important they are to you and return the favor when you need it. \\nMost of the time, people are more interested in someone sympathizing with them than they are with someone offering solutions. As tempting as it can be, don’t try to tell your friend how to solve their problem when they’re talking to you. If you really feel like you need to say something, wait until they have calmed down a little bit to bring it up. \\nIf they’re truly in a slump, you may need to do more for them. Help them with things like running errands and basic chores. They’ll really value it once they’ve bounced back.\\nSometimes people experience awful things like the death of a family member that cause them to go through the grieving process. This pretty much always makes people do things that are out of character, but don’t mistake this for them not wanting your support. If someone’s dealing with a tragedy, stay by their side even if they don’t seem happy to see you. Your best friend still needs your help and will never forget that you supported them the whole time.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Allow your best friend to support you.\", \"描述\": \"Support is a two-way street. You have to trust the person offering it for it to be effective. Go to your best friend if you’re sad or angry about something. Be open with your friend and talk about why you feel that way. Not only will it help you feel better, it will build the trust you two share and strengthen the bonds of your friendship as well.\\nThis involves practice being vulnerable by opening up and sharing yourself even in the face of rejection. Vulnerability may seem difficult, but it can help lead to deeper relationships as it provides your friend with a space to open up, too.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Encourage your best friend.\", \"描述\": \"You should try to support your best friend at all times, not just when they’re sad. Encourage your best friend to try everything they want to and do their best in everything they try. It will help put them in a better mood and give them energy to chase their dreams, something they will definitely appreciate. They’ll always remember the people who cheered them along the way to achieving their dreams.\\nEven if you don’t approve of what they want to do, you should still support your friend as long as it won’t hurt them and won’t get them in trouble. You don’t have to do all of the same things your friend does. Supporting your friend when they know you aren’t a huge fan of whatever they are trying to do will mean a lot to them.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be loyal to your best friend.\", \"描述\": \"Don’t tell other people things that your best friend told you to keep a secret. Don’t try to get them to do something they don’t want to do for your own gain. These things will betray their trust and ruin your friendship forever.\\nThis might mean making some tough decisions about who your loyalty lies with when two of your friends are in a conflict. At the end of the day, you should stand by your best friend’s side. This kind of unconditional loyalty is very important.\\nIf you want your best friend to trust you with their secrets, you will probably have to tell them a few of your own. If you ever have something you feel like you just have to get off your chest, your best friend should be one of the first people you turn to. Sharing secrets with one another will make it easy for the two of you to be loyal to one another.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Accept their flaws.\", \"描述\": \"No one is perfect, so you shouldn’t expect this from your best friend. Don’t try to change things about your friend that you think are bad or holding them back. They probably know what they are just as much as you do. In time, you may realize that these quirks are what drew the two of you together in the first place.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Being Someone People Want to Call Their Friend\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Practice kindness.\", \"描述\": \"Kindness makes the person doing it and the person receiving it happy. People want to be around people who are habitually kind. Treat everyone with respect and do little things to help out people who you can see are struggling with something. You’d be surprised at the impact even the smallest of gestures can have.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"View friends as equals.\", \"描述\": \"You shouldn’t look down on your friends and you shouldn’t treat them like royalty either. People don’t like it when other people think they are better than them. At the same time, most people get uncomfortable when it’s clear that someone has low self-esteem in comparison to them. At the end of the day, we’re all just people. Try to remember this at all times.\\nIf this is something you continually struggle with, put an effort into thinking about what you are going to say and how people might see it. It shouldn’t like you’re trying to be mean to your friend to yourself. If you monitor yourself carefully, your habits will naturally change in time.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be funny.\", \"描述\": \"It’s not a secret – people like to laugh. Make jokes when it’s appropriate. It’s ok to tease someone, but don’t say anything that is genuinely mean-spirited. You’ll be happier finding the humor in the little things and people will want to spend more time with you.\\nDon’t worry if you aren’t a natural comedian. A good way to be funny is to surround yourself with people, media, and things that make you laugh. Watch comedies and listen to comedians. Take some time to relax each day if you have a stressful schedule. It won’t happen overnight, but soon you’ll be more comfortable doing things and cracking jokes that make people laugh.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be yourself.\", \"描述\": \"There’s no point in trying to be a different person because you think someone will like you more that way. Unless they’re not terribly perceptive, they’ll be able to see straight through your act. No one wants to hang out with posers. Being yourself will attract friends who like you for you, not for what you’re trying to be.\\nBeing your genuine self means being open, honest, and sincere about who you are. It also means keeping your word and being trustworthy. Practice being genuine with yourself and others. This will help you build your relationships with others, as well as your self-confidence.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Being around your best friend should make you feel good. If you aren’t enjoying yourself around your best friend, it might be time to reexamine the people you surround yourself with.\\n\", \"Don’t expect something in return if you do something for your friend. You should do it because you want to, not so you can get something out of it.\\n\", \"Don't go into a friend problem unless those two people are your friends. If they know you're trying to get them along, just say that they are your best friends and you don't want to see them fight.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"People change and friends drift apart. This is true for best friends as well. Don’t try to hang on to a best friend that isn’t interested in spending time with you. Doing so is just asking to get hurt.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,563 | How to Be Best Friends With Your Adult Daughter | 1. Building On the Past
1-1. Learn about your family history.
Seeking out information about your family’s past can help mothers and daughters find common ground and understand their legacy within the family.
Create a family scrapbook, family photo album, or work on constructing an extended family tree together.
Present your research and stories to other family members. These conversations will help foster a sense of closeness and shared experience.
1-2. Forge a new relationship between two adults.
Rather than a parent-child relationship, work on creating an adult peer relationship. Even though parenting is a lifelong commitment, the nature of the parent-child relationship must transform as children become more psychologically, socially, and economically independent.
Communicate not as mother and daughter, but as mutual friends who enjoy common interests and activities. Discuss problems, issues, and questions thoughtfully and calmly, the way two friends would.
Maintain a sense of humor and affection. Rely on your decades-long relationship to reminisce and joke with each other about funny memories or situations.
1-3. Balance friendship and fun with emotionally supportive parenting.
Consistent parental interest, attention, and approval is critical to any parent-child relationship no matter the age or stage of the children.
Nurture your daughter’s development even as an adult through encouragement and reassurance. Research has shown that a mother’s continued support can foster important psychological development for an adult daughter developing an independent sense of self and identity.
1-4. Examine the state of your relationship to find its weak spots.
Mothers often report more tension in their relationship with their daughter than with sons. Often, this tension stems from both intergenerational differences and disagreement over habits, traits, and general behavior. Recognizing these barriers can be the first step in creating a healthy relationship between you and your daughter.
1-5. Work to overcome generational differences between mother and daughter through understanding and recognition of social change.
It can be difficult for a mother who did not work to accept that her daughter, who works full-time, will have less time to devote to household tasks or childcare.
According to the U.S. Department of Labor, women comprised 47% of the total labor force in 2010. But in generations past, women were more likely to stay home after marriage in order to raise children. In 1960, only nineteen percent of married women with preschool age children worked outside the home.
Many older mothers are concerned that their daughters who work and also have families are over-extended and stressed. These opinions over work and lifestyle differences can strain the bond between parent and child.
1-6. Seek family counseling if necessary to overcome interpersonal issues.
In addition to generational differences, disagreements can stem from interpersonal conflict between mom and daughter.
For example, mothers may still perceive their adult daughters as lazy, lacking respect, or irresponsible, even though these traits are more associated with the earlier teenage years.
2. Spending Time Together
2-1. Find common interests.
Seek out hobbies and activities that deepen the mother-daughter bond and provide relaxation and fun for both parties.
Pursue fun activities together. Exercising, shopping, trying new restaurants, seeing movies, making crafts, getting spa treatments, or even something as simple as getting coffee together can help mothers and daughters find fun connections.
2-2. Use modern technology to your advantage.
If you and your daughter don’t live close enough to interact on a regular in-person basis, try using other methods to connect.
Phone and video calls, as well as texting and using social media apps to connect daily or weekly can help ease the burden of distance.
Schedule a weekly or even a daily chat date at a mutually agreeable time.
2-3. Spend time together in groups with other family and friends.
Attending family reunions, family outings, or doing activities with other friends of the family can be relaxing and enjoyable, and takes away the pressure of spending too much one-on-one time.
2-4. Go on vacation together.
Getting away from the daily grind can help both moms and daughters relax, recharge, and improve communication.
Family vacations have proven mental and physical health benefits, including decreased depression and an improvement in heart health.
Taking vacations with family members, including mother-daughter trips, help create fun memories, improve resilience to changing circumstances, and allow families to be with each other without the stresses of home.
2-5. Find ways, small and large, to show your love and appreciation for each other.
Writing notes, giving small gifts, or even saying “Thank you” or “I love you” can go a long way to improving the relationship between both mom and daughter.
3. Cultivating a Healthy Relationship
3-1. Create healthy boundaries.
A sense of respect for the privacy of the adult daughter’s choices is a key part of a functional mother-daughter relationship.
Allow relationship change to happen naturally. Know that it is normal to experience transitions in the mother-daughter relationship. Changes like marriage, moves, and the arrival of grandchildren can cause both moms and daughters to reexamine how they interact with each other.
Avoid offering unsolicited opinions. A mom’s advice, while well-meaning, can feel like negative judgement.
3-2. Ensure that the level and amount of contact and communication is appropriate on both sides of the relationship.
Work toward respectful communication on all issues even when mother and daughter disagree. This creates a sense of mutual consideration between mom and daughter, rather than the daughter feeling that her mother wants to dictate her daughter’s choices.
Respect your daughter’s need for independence. For example, mothers who constantly call, text, or show up uninvited can make adult daughters’ feel smothered and resentful.
3-3. Make room for your daughter’s partner/spouse.
Unless there is reason to suspect that a daughter is engaged in an unhealthy or abusive relationship with her significant other, it is especially important for mothers to nurture and support their daughters’ close connections with others.
Avoid inserting yourself or taking sides during arguments between your daughter and her significant other.
Refrain from criticizing your daughter’s partner – this can become a source of unhappiness and trouble in their own relationship.
Respect the couple’s privacy. Understand that your daughter’s relationship with her partner is separate and distinct from your relationship with her.
3-4. Listen carefully and maintain confidentiality.
Daughters want to know that they can trust their moms with private information.
Avoid telling other family members or outsiders about a daughter’s life problems or issues.
3-5. Assist your daughter physically and emotionally when you can.
Whether it’s babysitting grandchildren, helping a daughter move, or caring for her when she’s ill, a mother’s help is always appreciated no matter the daughter’s age.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:22",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Building On the Past\\n1-1. Learn about your family history.\\nSeeking out information about your family’s past can help mothers and daughters find common ground and understand their legacy within the family.\\nCreate a family scrapbook, family photo album, or work on constructing an extended family tree together.\\nPresent your research and stories to other family members. These conversations will help foster a sense of closeness and shared experience.\\n1-2. Forge a new relationship between two adults.\\nRather than a parent-child relationship, work on creating an adult peer relationship. Even though parenting is a lifelong commitment, the nature of the parent-child relationship must transform as children become more psychologically, socially, and economically independent.\\nCommunicate not as mother and daughter, but as mutual friends who enjoy common interests and activities. Discuss problems, issues, and questions thoughtfully and calmly, the way two friends would.\\nMaintain a sense of humor and affection. Rely on your decades-long relationship to reminisce and joke with each other about funny memories or situations.\\n1-3. Balance friendship and fun with emotionally supportive parenting.\\nConsistent parental interest, attention, and approval is critical to any parent-child relationship no matter the age or stage of the children.\\nNurture your daughter’s development even as an adult through encouragement and reassurance. Research has shown that a mother’s continued support can foster important psychological development for an adult daughter developing an independent sense of self and identity.\\n1-4. Examine the state of your relationship to find its weak spots.\\nMothers often report more tension in their relationship with their daughter than with sons. Often, this tension stems from both intergenerational differences and disagreement over habits, traits, and general behavior. Recognizing these barriers can be the first step in creating a healthy relationship between you and your daughter.\\n1-5. Work to overcome generational differences between mother and daughter through understanding and recognition of social change.\\nIt can be difficult for a mother who did not work to accept that her daughter, who works full-time, will have less time to devote to household tasks or childcare.\\nAccording to the U.S. Department of Labor, women comprised 47% of the total labor force in 2010. But in generations past, women were more likely to stay home after marriage in order to raise children. In 1960, only nineteen percent of married women with preschool age children worked outside the home.\\nMany older mothers are concerned that their daughters who work and also have families are over-extended and stressed. These opinions over work and lifestyle differences can strain the bond between parent and child.\\n1-6. Seek family counseling if necessary to overcome interpersonal issues.\\nIn addition to generational differences, disagreements can stem from interpersonal conflict between mom and daughter.\\nFor example, mothers may still perceive their adult daughters as lazy, lacking respect, or irresponsible, even though these traits are more associated with the earlier teenage years.\\n2. Spending Time Together\\n2-1. Find common interests.\\nSeek out hobbies and activities that deepen the mother-daughter bond and provide relaxation and fun for both parties.\\nPursue fun activities together. Exercising, shopping, trying new restaurants, seeing movies, making crafts, getting spa treatments, or even something as simple as getting coffee together can help mothers and daughters find fun connections.\\n2-2. Use modern technology to your advantage.\\nIf you and your daughter don’t live close enough to interact on a regular in-person basis, try using other methods to connect.\\nPhone and video calls, as well as texting and using social media apps to connect daily or weekly can help ease the burden of distance.\\nSchedule a weekly or even a daily chat date at a mutually agreeable time.\\n2-3. Spend time together in groups with other family and friends.\\nAttending family reunions, family outings, or doing activities with other friends of the family can be relaxing and enjoyable, and takes away the pressure of spending too much one-on-one time.\\n2-4. Go on vacation together.\\nGetting away from the daily grind can help both moms and daughters relax, recharge, and improve communication.\\nFamily vacations have proven mental and physical health benefits, including decreased depression and an improvement in heart health.\\nTaking vacations with family members, including mother-daughter trips, help create fun memories, improve resilience to changing circumstances, and allow families to be with each other without the stresses of home.\\n2-5. Find ways, small and large, to show your love and appreciation for each other.\\nWriting notes, giving small gifts, or even saying “Thank you” or “I love you” can go a long way to improving the relationship between both mom and daughter.\\n3. Cultivating a Healthy Relationship\\n3-1. Create healthy boundaries.\\nA sense of respect for the privacy of the adult daughter’s choices is a key part of a functional mother-daughter relationship.\\nAllow relationship change to happen naturally. Know that it is normal to experience transitions in the mother-daughter relationship. Changes like marriage, moves, and the arrival of grandchildren can cause both moms and daughters to reexamine how they interact with each other.\\nAvoid offering unsolicited opinions. A mom’s advice, while well-meaning, can feel like negative judgement.\\n3-2. Ensure that the level and amount of contact and communication is appropriate on both sides of the relationship.\\nWork toward respectful communication on all issues even when mother and daughter disagree. This creates a sense of mutual consideration between mom and daughter, rather than the daughter feeling that her mother wants to dictate her daughter’s choices.\\nRespect your daughter’s need for independence. For example, mothers who constantly call, text, or show up uninvited can make adult daughters’ feel smothered and resentful.\\n3-3. Make room for your daughter’s partner/spouse.\\nUnless there is reason to suspect that a daughter is engaged in an unhealthy or abusive relationship with her significant other, it is especially important for mothers to nurture and support their daughters’ close connections with others.\\nAvoid inserting yourself or taking sides during arguments between your daughter and her significant other.\\nRefrain from criticizing your daughter’s partner – this can become a source of unhappiness and trouble in their own relationship.\\nRespect the couple’s privacy. Understand that your daughter’s relationship with her partner is separate and distinct from your relationship with her.\\n3-4. Listen carefully and maintain confidentiality.\\nDaughters want to know that they can trust their moms with private information.\\nAvoid telling other family members or outsiders about a daughter’s life problems or issues.\\n3-5. Assist your daughter physically and emotionally when you can.\\nWhether it’s babysitting grandchildren, helping a daughter move, or caring for her when she’s ill, a mother’s help is always appreciated no matter the daughter’s age.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Through mutual understanding, good communication, and seeking out fun activities to do together, moms and daughters can enjoy not only a positive familial relationship, but a real friendship. Certainly, the mother-daughter relationship is notorious for being a complicated one, and new tensions often emerge when daughters reach adulthood. Conflict between adult mothers and daughters over work, marriage, family, and life events can inhibit the formation of a peer-to-peer relationship. Yet, there are certain approaches mothers can take to establish healthy and lasting relationships with their adult daughters.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Building On the Past\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Learn about your family history.\", \"描述\": \"Seeking out information about your family’s past can help mothers and daughters find common ground and understand their legacy within the family.\\nCreate a family scrapbook, family photo album, or work on constructing an extended family tree together.\\nPresent your research and stories to other family members. These conversations will help foster a sense of closeness and shared experience.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Forge a new relationship between two adults.\", \"描述\": \"Rather than a parent-child relationship, work on creating an adult peer relationship. Even though parenting is a lifelong commitment, the nature of the parent-child relationship must transform as children become more psychologically, socially, and economically independent.\\nCommunicate not as mother and daughter, but as mutual friends who enjoy common interests and activities. Discuss problems, issues, and questions thoughtfully and calmly, the way two friends would.\\nMaintain a sense of humor and affection. Rely on your decades-long relationship to reminisce and joke with each other about funny memories or situations.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Balance friendship and fun with emotionally supportive parenting.\", \"描述\": \"Consistent parental interest, attention, and approval is critical to any parent-child relationship no matter the age or stage of the children.\\nNurture your daughter’s development even as an adult through encouragement and reassurance. Research has shown that a mother’s continued support can foster important psychological development for an adult daughter developing an independent sense of self and identity.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Examine the state of your relationship to find its weak spots.\", \"描述\": \"Mothers often report more tension in their relationship with their daughter than with sons. Often, this tension stems from both intergenerational differences and disagreement over habits, traits, and general behavior. Recognizing these barriers can be the first step in creating a healthy relationship between you and your daughter.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Work to overcome generational differences between mother and daughter through understanding and recognition of social change.\", \"描述\": \"It can be difficult for a mother who did not work to accept that her daughter, who works full-time, will have less time to devote to household tasks or childcare.\\nAccording to the U.S. Department of Labor, women comprised 47% of the total labor force in 2010. But in generations past, women were more likely to stay home after marriage in order to raise children. In 1960, only nineteen percent of married women with preschool age children worked outside the home.\\nMany older mothers are concerned that their daughters who work and also have families are over-extended and stressed. These opinions over work and lifestyle differences can strain the bond between parent and child.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Seek family counseling if necessary to overcome interpersonal issues.\", \"描述\": \"In addition to generational differences, disagreements can stem from interpersonal conflict between mom and daughter.\\nFor example, mothers may still perceive their adult daughters as lazy, lacking respect, or irresponsible, even though these traits are more associated with the earlier teenage years.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Spending Time Together\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Find common interests.\", \"描述\": \"Seek out hobbies and activities that deepen the mother-daughter bond and provide relaxation and fun for both parties.\\nPursue fun activities together. Exercising, shopping, trying new restaurants, seeing movies, making crafts, getting spa treatments, or even something as simple as getting coffee together can help mothers and daughters find fun connections.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Use modern technology to your advantage.\", \"描述\": \"If you and your daughter don’t live close enough to interact on a regular in-person basis, try using other methods to connect.\\nPhone and video calls, as well as texting and using social media apps to connect daily or weekly can help ease the burden of distance.\\nSchedule a weekly or even a daily chat date at a mutually agreeable time.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Spend time together in groups with other family and friends.\", \"描述\": \"Attending family reunions, family outings, or doing activities with other friends of the family can be relaxing and enjoyable, and takes away the pressure of spending too much one-on-one time.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Go on vacation together.\", \"描述\": \"Getting away from the daily grind can help both moms and daughters relax, recharge, and improve communication.\\nFamily vacations have proven mental and physical health benefits, including decreased depression and an improvement in heart health.\\nTaking vacations with family members, including mother-daughter trips, help create fun memories, improve resilience to changing circumstances, and allow families to be with each other without the stresses of home.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Find ways, small and large, to show your love and appreciation for each other.\", \"描述\": \"Writing notes, giving small gifts, or even saying “Thank you” or “I love you” can go a long way to improving the relationship between both mom and daughter.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Cultivating a Healthy Relationship\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Create healthy boundaries.\", \"描述\": \"A sense of respect for the privacy of the adult daughter’s choices is a key part of a functional mother-daughter relationship.\\nAllow relationship change to happen naturally. Know that it is normal to experience transitions in the mother-daughter relationship. Changes like marriage, moves, and the arrival of grandchildren can cause both moms and daughters to reexamine how they interact with each other.\\nAvoid offering unsolicited opinions. A mom’s advice, while well-meaning, can feel like negative judgement.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Ensure that the level and amount of contact and communication is appropriate on both sides of the relationship.\", \"描述\": \"Work toward respectful communication on all issues even when mother and daughter disagree. This creates a sense of mutual consideration between mom and daughter, rather than the daughter feeling that her mother wants to dictate her daughter’s choices.\\nRespect your daughter’s need for independence. For example, mothers who constantly call, text, or show up uninvited can make adult daughters’ feel smothered and resentful.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Make room for your daughter’s partner/spouse.\", \"描述\": \"Unless there is reason to suspect that a daughter is engaged in an unhealthy or abusive relationship with her significant other, it is especially important for mothers to nurture and support their daughters’ close connections with others.\\nAvoid inserting yourself or taking sides during arguments between your daughter and her significant other.\\nRefrain from criticizing your daughter’s partner – this can become a source of unhappiness and trouble in their own relationship.\\nRespect the couple’s privacy. Understand that your daughter’s relationship with her partner is separate and distinct from your relationship with her.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Listen carefully and maintain confidentiality.\", \"描述\": \"Daughters want to know that they can trust their moms with private information.\\nAvoid telling other family members or outsiders about a daughter’s life problems or issues.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Assist your daughter physically and emotionally when you can.\", \"描述\": \"Whether it’s babysitting grandchildren, helping a daughter move, or caring for her when she’s ill, a mother’s help is always appreciated no matter the daughter’s age.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,564 | How to Be Best Friends With Your Teacher | 1. Participating in Your Education
1-1. Participate in class.
It’s your teacher’s job to make sure you begin to understand the world around you. Your social and academic education is a long process, and all of your teachers play an important role in providing a basis of knowledge that you’ll continue to expand upon for the rest of your life. In order to learn anything, let alone befriend any of your teachers, you need to participate in their classes!
Pay attention during class, and always put forth a serious effort to understand what your teacher is sharing with the class.
At the very least, come to school prepared to learn, with the books and writing utensils you need for each class, and your homework assignments complete. Never skip class! Also try try try not to be late! Teachers often do not like the students who are constantly late because it shows you do not care about taking part in your education.
1-2. Be inquisitive.
If what your teacher is saying doesn’t make sense, ask questions about anything that is unclear. Believe it or not, teachers usually like when students ask questions. Your curiosity indicates you’ve been listening, and that you’re ready and willing to learn. Further, your questions will help other students better understand the content as well.
Feel free to ask questions that expand upon the content in class. For instance, after a lecture about what stars are made of, ask something like "Why is it that some stars in our sky are brighter than others?"
Catch your teacher after class to ask for personal insight. Say something like, "Miss Markey, I've really been enjoying the section we've been studying on the night sky. Do you have a favorite place to look at the stars?"
1-3. Offer to help with classroom tasks.
If you have a favorite teacher that you want to get the chance to speak with more often, ask how you can be more involved in the classes you have together. Tasks you may be able to help with are dependent on the classes you’re taking. For instance, if your teacher teaches science, offer to come to class a few minutes early to help setup the experiments for that day.
This will allow you to get to know your favorite teacher better. You’ll also likely wind up learning more about the subjects they teach, and may find that you share some of your teacher’s interests.
It’s alright if you don’t have any ideas about how to be more involved in. Ask your teacher how you can contribute by saying something like, "Is there any way I can dive deeper into this material with you? I'd be happy to help set up for our next class!"
1-4. Join extracurricular activities your teacher leads.
You may have one or two teachers that you especially admire. If a teacher you favor coaches an athletic team or advises a club at school, consider joining. In the classroom, conversation should focus mostly on the content that is being taught. Extracurricular activities offer a great way to learn from your teacher about things other than academic subjects.
Outside of the classroom, you and your teacher will get the chance to talk more about other things that are important. These conversations may even prove to be equally important as the discussions held during class.
For instance, these conversations might touch on facing challenges and finding creative solutions to address them, or working hard to achieve personal goals.
Ask general questions as well as specific ones. Ask something like "How can I make my drawing look more realistic?" or "Have you ever tried to learn something that was really hard at first? How did you get better?"
2. Communicating with Your Teacher
2-1. Be positive and polite.
An esteemed and much-loved author once said, “Babies, be kind.” Believe it or not, he was talking to adults, but the advice holds for kids of any age. Perhaps the best way to initiate a friendship with someone is simply being polite!
If you each have a moment when you pass one another in the hallway, stop to chat. Ask something like "What's the next thing you're looking forward to?" You may even learn something new and interesting about your teacher.
You can keep it simple too. A quick “see you tomorrow” on the way out of class lets your teacher know you’re glad to be in their class – and that alone is significant.
2-2. Ask questions outside of class.
In the most literal sense, "getting along" doesn’t mean much more than communicating in a way that both you and your teacher enjoy. Good communication is based on clearly sharing one’s thoughts and needs with one another, and listening enough to understand what the other is saying.
Don’t hesitate to ask your teacher questions about life outside of the material you’re learning in the classroom.
For instance, if you’ve been wondering about how to approach a certain issue with one of your friends, say something like “Can I ask you about something that’s not related to class?” Your teacher will likely be happy to talk to you about whatever.
2-3. Find out what they’re interested in.
One of the best ways to enrich your relationship with another human being is by learning more about them. The best way to do this is to ask! For instance, ask your teacher questions like “Why did you decide to become a teacher?” or “What do you like most about teaching?”
Not only do these sorts of questions lead to quality conversations, you’ll also come to recognize the sorts of things and ideas that your teacher values.
2-4. Thank your teacher.
At the conclusion of a course, thank your teacher by saying something like, “Thanks for teaching us this year. I appreciate your willingness to learn and grow with us.” This pertains to both the teachers you became friends with, and those you don’t. Chances are, you will likely think of some of your teachers years after you took their classes.
It may be easier to convey your gratitude in a letter. Remember that your teacher will likely be happy to hear your appreciation. Include an illustration if you're feeling creative - it may even end up on the wall of your teacher's office.
In the future, whenever you’re back in town, make a point of visiting old teachers. They will immensely appreciate this gesture, as it indicates that you value the impact they made on your life.
3. Respecting Your Teacher
3-1. Imagine yourself becoming a teacher.
It’s totally alright if you have no intentions of being a teacher when you grow up. Either way, picture yourself as a teacher. Remind yourself that your teacher chose to make a career of sharing new ideas and information with kids like you. Chances are, watching you learn is deeply rewarding for them.
Ask yourself: If you were a teacher, what sort of relationship would you want with your students?
3-2. Don’t worry if your teacher corrects you.
Remind yourself that your teacher has a job to do. If they take that job seriously, that means they’ll need to correct and even discipline you and other students from time to time. For instance, if you make an error in class and your teacher points it out, don’t let it bother you. It’s not an attack on you personally, they’re simply teaching you by pointing out something that is incorrect.
Similarly, if you’re caught passing a note or otherwise not paying attention, don’t overreact. Your teacher is not attacking you, they are simply bringing your attention back to the classroom.
Apologize after class and know that your teacher will forgive you.
3-3. Address any issues.
If it feels like you and a teacher don’t get along, stay calm. Sometimes, personalities clash. Simply fulfill your responsibilities as a student and don’t worry too much about a teacher that is unfriendly. If a teacher is aggressively mean or rude to you in any way, tell both your parents and/or a guidance counselor.
If you feel the need to do so, request a meeting with the teacher and another adult. This can be helpful to discuss any potential problems and create a more comfortable atmosphere for both you and your teacher.
3-4. Keep it professional.
Think of your relationship with your teacher as your first “professional” relationship. For the rest of your life, you’ll need to be able to interact with other people, and you won’t necessarily enjoy everyone you interact with. Understand that you don’t need to be friends with someone to have a healthy relationship with them. Focus on paying attention in class and behaving, and your teacher will likely recognize your efforts.
3-5. Respect boundaries.
You may find yourself getting along particularly well with one of your teachers. Recognize that their position as a teacher, and yours as a student, requires that certain types of relationships are illegal. More specifically, you cannot become romantically involved with your teacher. Ethics and morality aside, a romantic relationship places your teacher's career at risk, and may even result in criminal proceedings.
Do not attempt to flirt with your teacher. This places them in an uncomfortable position, and is disrespectful to them and your other classmates.
If a teacher makes romantic comments towards you, politely point out that you are their student. If you are in any way uncomfortable with what a teacher says to you, tell your parents as well as another school employee.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:22",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Participating in Your Education\\n1-1. Participate in class.\\nIt’s your teacher’s job to make sure you begin to understand the world around you. Your social and academic education is a long process, and all of your teachers play an important role in providing a basis of knowledge that you’ll continue to expand upon for the rest of your life. In order to learn anything, let alone befriend any of your teachers, you need to participate in their classes!\\nPay attention during class, and always put forth a serious effort to understand what your teacher is sharing with the class.\\nAt the very least, come to school prepared to learn, with the books and writing utensils you need for each class, and your homework assignments complete. Never skip class! Also try try try not to be late! Teachers often do not like the students who are constantly late because it shows you do not care about taking part in your education.\\n1-2. Be inquisitive.\\nIf what your teacher is saying doesn’t make sense, ask questions about anything that is unclear. Believe it or not, teachers usually like when students ask questions. Your curiosity indicates you’ve been listening, and that you’re ready and willing to learn. Further, your questions will help other students better understand the content as well.\\nFeel free to ask questions that expand upon the content in class. For instance, after a lecture about what stars are made of, ask something like \\\"Why is it that some stars in our sky are brighter than others?\\\"\\nCatch your teacher after class to ask for personal insight. Say something like, \\\"Miss Markey, I've really been enjoying the section we've been studying on the night sky. Do you have a favorite place to look at the stars?\\\"\\n1-3. Offer to help with classroom tasks.\\nIf you have a favorite teacher that you want to get the chance to speak with more often, ask how you can be more involved in the classes you have together. Tasks you may be able to help with are dependent on the classes you’re taking. For instance, if your teacher teaches science, offer to come to class a few minutes early to help setup the experiments for that day.\\nThis will allow you to get to know your favorite teacher better. You’ll also likely wind up learning more about the subjects they teach, and may find that you share some of your teacher’s interests.\\nIt’s alright if you don’t have any ideas about how to be more involved in. Ask your teacher how you can contribute by saying something like, \\\"Is there any way I can dive deeper into this material with you? I'd be happy to help set up for our next class!\\\"\\n1-4. Join extracurricular activities your teacher leads.\\nYou may have one or two teachers that you especially admire. If a teacher you favor coaches an athletic team or advises a club at school, consider joining. In the classroom, conversation should focus mostly on the content that is being taught. Extracurricular activities offer a great way to learn from your teacher about things other than academic subjects.\\nOutside of the classroom, you and your teacher will get the chance to talk more about other things that are important. These conversations may even prove to be equally important as the discussions held during class.\\nFor instance, these conversations might touch on facing challenges and finding creative solutions to address them, or working hard to achieve personal goals.\\nAsk general questions as well as specific ones. Ask something like \\\"How can I make my drawing look more realistic?\\\" or \\\"Have you ever tried to learn something that was really hard at first? How did you get better?\\\"\\n2. Communicating with Your Teacher\\n2-1. Be positive and polite.\\nAn esteemed and much-loved author once said, “Babies, be kind.” Believe it or not, he was talking to adults, but the advice holds for kids of any age. Perhaps the best way to initiate a friendship with someone is simply being polite!\\nIf you each have a moment when you pass one another in the hallway, stop to chat. Ask something like \\\"What's the next thing you're looking forward to?\\\" You may even learn something new and interesting about your teacher.\\nYou can keep it simple too. A quick “see you tomorrow” on the way out of class lets your teacher know you’re glad to be in their class – and that alone is significant.\\n2-2. Ask questions outside of class.\\nIn the most literal sense, \\\"getting along\\\" doesn’t mean much more than communicating in a way that both you and your teacher enjoy. Good communication is based on clearly sharing one’s thoughts and needs with one another, and listening enough to understand what the other is saying.\\nDon’t hesitate to ask your teacher questions about life outside of the material you’re learning in the classroom.\\nFor instance, if you’ve been wondering about how to approach a certain issue with one of your friends, say something like “Can I ask you about something that’s not related to class?” Your teacher will likely be happy to talk to you about whatever.\\n2-3. Find out what they’re interested in.\\nOne of the best ways to enrich your relationship with another human being is by learning more about them. The best way to do this is to ask! For instance, ask your teacher questions like “Why did you decide to become a teacher?” or “What do you like most about teaching?”\\nNot only do these sorts of questions lead to quality conversations, you’ll also come to recognize the sorts of things and ideas that your teacher values.\\n2-4. Thank your teacher.\\nAt the conclusion of a course, thank your teacher by saying something like, “Thanks for teaching us this year. I appreciate your willingness to learn and grow with us.” This pertains to both the teachers you became friends with, and those you don’t. Chances are, you will likely think of some of your teachers years after you took their classes.\\nIt may be easier to convey your gratitude in a letter. Remember that your teacher will likely be happy to hear your appreciation. Include an illustration if you're feeling creative - it may even end up on the wall of your teacher's office.\\nIn the future, whenever you’re back in town, make a point of visiting old teachers. They will immensely appreciate this gesture, as it indicates that you value the impact they made on your life.\\n3. Respecting Your Teacher\\n3-1. Imagine yourself becoming a teacher.\\nIt’s totally alright if you have no intentions of being a teacher when you grow up. Either way, picture yourself as a teacher. Remind yourself that your teacher chose to make a career of sharing new ideas and information with kids like you. Chances are, watching you learn is deeply rewarding for them. \\nAsk yourself: If you were a teacher, what sort of relationship would you want with your students?\\n3-2. Don’t worry if your teacher corrects you.\\nRemind yourself that your teacher has a job to do. If they take that job seriously, that means they’ll need to correct and even discipline you and other students from time to time. For instance, if you make an error in class and your teacher points it out, don’t let it bother you. It’s not an attack on you personally, they’re simply teaching you by pointing out something that is incorrect.\\nSimilarly, if you’re caught passing a note or otherwise not paying attention, don’t overreact. Your teacher is not attacking you, they are simply bringing your attention back to the classroom.\\nApologize after class and know that your teacher will forgive you.\\n3-3. Address any issues.\\nIf it feels like you and a teacher don’t get along, stay calm. Sometimes, personalities clash. Simply fulfill your responsibilities as a student and don’t worry too much about a teacher that is unfriendly. If a teacher is aggressively mean or rude to you in any way, tell both your parents and/or a guidance counselor. \\nIf you feel the need to do so, request a meeting with the teacher and another adult. This can be helpful to discuss any potential problems and create a more comfortable atmosphere for both you and your teacher.\\n3-4. Keep it professional.\\nThink of your relationship with your teacher as your first “professional” relationship. For the rest of your life, you’ll need to be able to interact with other people, and you won’t necessarily enjoy everyone you interact with. Understand that you don’t need to be friends with someone to have a healthy relationship with them. Focus on paying attention in class and behaving, and your teacher will likely recognize your efforts.\\n3-5. Respect boundaries.\\nYou may find yourself getting along particularly well with one of your teachers. Recognize that their position as a teacher, and yours as a student, requires that certain types of relationships are illegal. More specifically, you cannot become romantically involved with your teacher. Ethics and morality aside, a romantic relationship places your teacher's career at risk, and may even result in criminal proceedings.\\nDo not attempt to flirt with your teacher. This places them in an uncomfortable position, and is disrespectful to them and your other classmates.\\nIf a teacher makes romantic comments towards you, politely point out that you are their student. If you are in any way uncomfortable with what a teacher says to you, tell your parents as well as another school employee.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Many students and teachers develop deep personal bonds while learning together. In fact, the closer you become with your teacher, the more you’ll be able to speak with them openly, and the more you’ll both learn and grow from your conversations together. Ultimately, friendship with a teacher can be one of the most enriching aspects of your education.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Participating in Your Education\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Participate in class.\", \"描述\": \"It’s your teacher’s job to make sure you begin to understand the world around you. Your social and academic education is a long process, and all of your teachers play an important role in providing a basis of knowledge that you’ll continue to expand upon for the rest of your life. In order to learn anything, let alone befriend any of your teachers, you need to participate in their classes!\\nPay attention during class, and always put forth a serious effort to understand what your teacher is sharing with the class.\\nAt the very least, come to school prepared to learn, with the books and writing utensils you need for each class, and your homework assignments complete. Never skip class! Also try try try not to be late! Teachers often do not like the students who are constantly late because it shows you do not care about taking part in your education.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be inquisitive.\", \"描述\": \"If what your teacher is saying doesn’t make sense, ask questions about anything that is unclear. Believe it or not, teachers usually like when students ask questions. Your curiosity indicates you’ve been listening, and that you’re ready and willing to learn. Further, your questions will help other students better understand the content as well.\\nFeel free to ask questions that expand upon the content in class. For instance, after a lecture about what stars are made of, ask something like \\\"Why is it that some stars in our sky are brighter than others?\\\"\\nCatch your teacher after class to ask for personal insight. Say something like, \\\"Miss Markey, I've really been enjoying the section we've been studying on the night sky. Do you have a favorite place to look at the stars?\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Offer to help with classroom tasks.\", \"描述\": \"If you have a favorite teacher that you want to get the chance to speak with more often, ask how you can be more involved in the classes you have together. Tasks you may be able to help with are dependent on the classes you’re taking. For instance, if your teacher teaches science, offer to come to class a few minutes early to help setup the experiments for that day.\\nThis will allow you to get to know your favorite teacher better. You’ll also likely wind up learning more about the subjects they teach, and may find that you share some of your teacher’s interests.\\nIt’s alright if you don’t have any ideas about how to be more involved in. Ask your teacher how you can contribute by saying something like, \\\"Is there any way I can dive deeper into this material with you? I'd be happy to help set up for our next class!\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Join extracurricular activities your teacher leads.\", \"描述\": \"You may have one or two teachers that you especially admire. If a teacher you favor coaches an athletic team or advises a club at school, consider joining. In the classroom, conversation should focus mostly on the content that is being taught. Extracurricular activities offer a great way to learn from your teacher about things other than academic subjects.\\nOutside of the classroom, you and your teacher will get the chance to talk more about other things that are important. These conversations may even prove to be equally important as the discussions held during class.\\nFor instance, these conversations might touch on facing challenges and finding creative solutions to address them, or working hard to achieve personal goals.\\nAsk general questions as well as specific ones. Ask something like \\\"How can I make my drawing look more realistic?\\\" or \\\"Have you ever tried to learn something that was really hard at first? How did you get better?\\\"\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Communicating with Your Teacher\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be positive and polite.\", \"描述\": \"An esteemed and much-loved author once said, “Babies, be kind.” Believe it or not, he was talking to adults, but the advice holds for kids of any age. Perhaps the best way to initiate a friendship with someone is simply being polite!\\nIf you each have a moment when you pass one another in the hallway, stop to chat. Ask something like \\\"What's the next thing you're looking forward to?\\\" You may even learn something new and interesting about your teacher.\\nYou can keep it simple too. A quick “see you tomorrow” on the way out of class lets your teacher know you’re glad to be in their class – and that alone is significant.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Ask questions outside of class.\", \"描述\": \"In the most literal sense, \\\"getting along\\\" doesn’t mean much more than communicating in a way that both you and your teacher enjoy. Good communication is based on clearly sharing one’s thoughts and needs with one another, and listening enough to understand what the other is saying.\\nDon’t hesitate to ask your teacher questions about life outside of the material you’re learning in the classroom.\\nFor instance, if you’ve been wondering about how to approach a certain issue with one of your friends, say something like “Can I ask you about something that’s not related to class?” Your teacher will likely be happy to talk to you about whatever.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Find out what they’re interested in.\", \"描述\": \"One of the best ways to enrich your relationship with another human being is by learning more about them. The best way to do this is to ask! For instance, ask your teacher questions like “Why did you decide to become a teacher?” or “What do you like most about teaching?”\\nNot only do these sorts of questions lead to quality conversations, you’ll also come to recognize the sorts of things and ideas that your teacher values.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Thank your teacher.\", \"描述\": \"At the conclusion of a course, thank your teacher by saying something like, “Thanks for teaching us this year. I appreciate your willingness to learn and grow with us.” This pertains to both the teachers you became friends with, and those you don’t. Chances are, you will likely think of some of your teachers years after you took their classes.\\nIt may be easier to convey your gratitude in a letter. Remember that your teacher will likely be happy to hear your appreciation. Include an illustration if you're feeling creative - it may even end up on the wall of your teacher's office.\\nIn the future, whenever you’re back in town, make a point of visiting old teachers. They will immensely appreciate this gesture, as it indicates that you value the impact they made on your life.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Respecting Your Teacher\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Imagine yourself becoming a teacher.\", \"描述\": \"It’s totally alright if you have no intentions of being a teacher when you grow up. Either way, picture yourself as a teacher. Remind yourself that your teacher chose to make a career of sharing new ideas and information with kids like you. Chances are, watching you learn is deeply rewarding for them. \\nAsk yourself: If you were a teacher, what sort of relationship would you want with your students?\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Don’t worry if your teacher corrects you.\", \"描述\": \"Remind yourself that your teacher has a job to do. If they take that job seriously, that means they’ll need to correct and even discipline you and other students from time to time. For instance, if you make an error in class and your teacher points it out, don’t let it bother you. It’s not an attack on you personally, they’re simply teaching you by pointing out something that is incorrect.\\nSimilarly, if you’re caught passing a note or otherwise not paying attention, don’t overreact. Your teacher is not attacking you, they are simply bringing your attention back to the classroom.\\nApologize after class and know that your teacher will forgive you.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Address any issues.\", \"描述\": \"If it feels like you and a teacher don’t get along, stay calm. Sometimes, personalities clash. Simply fulfill your responsibilities as a student and don’t worry too much about a teacher that is unfriendly. If a teacher is aggressively mean or rude to you in any way, tell both your parents and/or a guidance counselor. \\nIf you feel the need to do so, request a meeting with the teacher and another adult. This can be helpful to discuss any potential problems and create a more comfortable atmosphere for both you and your teacher.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Keep it professional.\", \"描述\": \"Think of your relationship with your teacher as your first “professional” relationship. For the rest of your life, you’ll need to be able to interact with other people, and you won’t necessarily enjoy everyone you interact with. Understand that you don’t need to be friends with someone to have a healthy relationship with them. Focus on paying attention in class and behaving, and your teacher will likely recognize your efforts.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Respect boundaries.\", \"描述\": \"You may find yourself getting along particularly well with one of your teachers. Recognize that their position as a teacher, and yours as a student, requires that certain types of relationships are illegal. More specifically, you cannot become romantically involved with your teacher. Ethics and morality aside, a romantic relationship places your teacher's career at risk, and may even result in criminal proceedings.\\nDo not attempt to flirt with your teacher. This places them in an uncomfortable position, and is disrespectful to them and your other classmates.\\nIf a teacher makes romantic comments towards you, politely point out that you are their student. If you are in any way uncomfortable with what a teacher says to you, tell your parents as well as another school employee.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,565 | How to Be Better Than Your Enemy | 1. Steps
1-1. Stop keeping tabs of your enemy's achievements and your belittlement's.
If you continue to think of yourself as treated unfairly by a relation to your enemy, over time, you give that person power over you to ruin your day. You make that person into something they are not - your keeper, your guiding point and your unwanted mentor. If you stop using this person as the yardstick of your life, things will suddenly become a lot easier for you.
1-2. Stop referring to the other person as an enemy.
So, they don't like you or you feel that they showed you up in some way. It doesn't make things better by calling them an enemy. As life goes on, you will continue to meet people you don't much like but you have to learn to get along with them for the sake of harmonious relations as a whole. Why not start learning now while you are young? Or even if you are old and haven't yet learned this lesson, there is no time like the present. Labels are a way of getting and ceding power. If you label this person as an "enemy", you give them power over you as you perceive yourself the "victim" in the relationship between the two of you.
1-3. Turn the other cheek.
Whether or not you follow Christian teachings, this is as good a piece of advice as anything. You provide them with ammunition if you call them names, either to their face or behind their back. And you are the one who is festering while they party; that is no way to live!
1-4. Live your life.
Do not allow this person to discourage you from doing the things you want to do. If this person goes somewhere that you want to go, and you feel that you cannot go to that place because they are at that location, go anyway. Sit or stand in a different place from them, be civil and simply nod if you bump into them, and don't try to let their presence ruin your experience. If anything, if this person dislikes you, your being there is a source of consternation in itself to them and that is enough to provide an equalizing in your relations.
Focus on your own strengths, positive attributes, and way of navigating the world. The more energy you put into yourself, the less energy you'll put into your enemy. Invest in your own hobbies, activities, and friends.
1-5. Look to yourself.
What do you need to do to feel better about yourself? If someone bothers you so much that you feel you need to label them as an "enemy", maybe you are jealous of them, or you feel insecure around them. The answer is not to belittle them; it is to find the source of why you feel this way and to seek a solution. If you feel they are prettier than you, it is time to start grooming yourself with greater attention. A well-groomed person is as beautiful as someone born with great looks. Always remember that what is on the inside matters more to people than superficial looks. There are other ways to improve your self-esteem too - learn more, practice more, read more, sing more, dance more, play sports more, do anything that you want to be better at - more.
1-6. Be nice.
No matter how rudely the other person treats you, don't return the volley. Remain polite, courteous and curious. Curiosity in what motivates them. When you try to stand in the other person's shoes, interesting things start to reveal themselves, such as how much of a burden that popularity or beauty just may be.
1-7. Forgive them and accept who you both are.
Forgiveness for things done lets you move on and be the stronger person. This means that if you must see it as a confrontation, you "win" in the long run by having peace of mind and intact personal integrity. Accept that both of you are valuable parts of life on this planet and be in awe that you have been given this chance to live a wonderful life.
Tips
It doesn't matter what this person thinks, nor what anyone else thinks.[7]
X
Research source
So if your so-called enemy thinks your change of heart is "stupid" and continues to consider YOU an enemy, let her. Just don't give her anything bad to say about you; being kind in all situations is essential. That way, when she goes to needle you about something, she'll be speechless- because you've done nothing to hurt her.
Remember, life goes on and holding grudges isn't always the best idea. Think of yourself as the better person in this situation.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:22",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Steps\\n1-1. Stop keeping tabs of your enemy's achievements and your belittlement's.\\nIf you continue to think of yourself as treated unfairly by a relation to your enemy, over time, you give that person power over you to ruin your day. You make that person into something they are not - your keeper, your guiding point and your unwanted mentor. If you stop using this person as the yardstick of your life, things will suddenly become a lot easier for you.\\n1-2. Stop referring to the other person as an enemy.\\nSo, they don't like you or you feel that they showed you up in some way. It doesn't make things better by calling them an enemy. As life goes on, you will continue to meet people you don't much like but you have to learn to get along with them for the sake of harmonious relations as a whole. Why not start learning now while you are young? Or even if you are old and haven't yet learned this lesson, there is no time like the present. Labels are a way of getting and ceding power. If you label this person as an \\\"enemy\\\", you give them power over you as you perceive yourself the \\\"victim\\\" in the relationship between the two of you.\\n1-3. Turn the other cheek.\\nWhether or not you follow Christian teachings, this is as good a piece of advice as anything. You provide them with ammunition if you call them names, either to their face or behind their back. And you are the one who is festering while they party; that is no way to live!\\n1-4. Live your life.\\nDo not allow this person to discourage you from doing the things you want to do. If this person goes somewhere that you want to go, and you feel that you cannot go to that place because they are at that location, go anyway. Sit or stand in a different place from them, be civil and simply nod if you bump into them, and don't try to let their presence ruin your experience. If anything, if this person dislikes you, your being there is a source of consternation in itself to them and that is enough to provide an equalizing in your relations.\\nFocus on your own strengths, positive attributes, and way of navigating the world. The more energy you put into yourself, the less energy you'll put into your enemy. Invest in your own hobbies, activities, and friends.\\n1-5. Look to yourself.\\nWhat do you need to do to feel better about yourself? If someone bothers you so much that you feel you need to label them as an \\\"enemy\\\", maybe you are jealous of them, or you feel insecure around them. The answer is not to belittle them; it is to find the source of why you feel this way and to seek a solution. If you feel they are prettier than you, it is time to start grooming yourself with greater attention. A well-groomed person is as beautiful as someone born with great looks. Always remember that what is on the inside matters more to people than superficial looks. There are other ways to improve your self-esteem too - learn more, practice more, read more, sing more, dance more, play sports more, do anything that you want to be better at - more.\\n1-6. Be nice.\\nNo matter how rudely the other person treats you, don't return the volley. Remain polite, courteous and curious. Curiosity in what motivates them. When you try to stand in the other person's shoes, interesting things start to reveal themselves, such as how much of a burden that popularity or beauty just may be.\\n1-7. Forgive them and accept who you both are.\\nForgiveness for things done lets you move on and be the stronger person. This means that if you must see it as a confrontation, you \\\"win\\\" in the long run by having peace of mind and intact personal integrity. Accept that both of you are valuable parts of life on this planet and be in awe that you have been given this chance to live a wonderful life.\\nTips\\nIt doesn't matter what this person thinks, nor what anyone else thinks.[7]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\\n\\n\\n So if your so-called enemy thinks your change of heart is \\\"stupid\\\" and continues to consider YOU an enemy, let her. Just don't give her anything bad to say about you; being kind in all situations is essential. That way, when she goes to needle you about something, she'll be speechless- because you've done nothing to hurt her.\\nRemember, life goes on and holding grudges isn't always the best idea. Think of yourself as the better person in this situation.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Forgiveness and acceptance are the keys to overpowering your enemy. Even using the word \\\"enemy\\\" is problematic and if you continue to see life in this black and white context, you will be the one who ends up suffering, not your so-called \\\"enemies\\\".\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Steps\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Stop keeping tabs of your enemy's achievements and your belittlement's.\", \"描述\": \"If you continue to think of yourself as treated unfairly by a relation to your enemy, over time, you give that person power over you to ruin your day. You make that person into something they are not - your keeper, your guiding point and your unwanted mentor. If you stop using this person as the yardstick of your life, things will suddenly become a lot easier for you.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Stop referring to the other person as an enemy.\", \"描述\": \"So, they don't like you or you feel that they showed you up in some way. It doesn't make things better by calling them an enemy. As life goes on, you will continue to meet people you don't much like but you have to learn to get along with them for the sake of harmonious relations as a whole. Why not start learning now while you are young? Or even if you are old and haven't yet learned this lesson, there is no time like the present. Labels are a way of getting and ceding power. If you label this person as an \\\"enemy\\\", you give them power over you as you perceive yourself the \\\"victim\\\" in the relationship between the two of you.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Turn the other cheek.\", \"描述\": \"Whether or not you follow Christian teachings, this is as good a piece of advice as anything. You provide them with ammunition if you call them names, either to their face or behind their back. And you are the one who is festering while they party; that is no way to live!\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Live your life.\", \"描述\": \"Do not allow this person to discourage you from doing the things you want to do. If this person goes somewhere that you want to go, and you feel that you cannot go to that place because they are at that location, go anyway. Sit or stand in a different place from them, be civil and simply nod if you bump into them, and don't try to let their presence ruin your experience. If anything, if this person dislikes you, your being there is a source of consternation in itself to them and that is enough to provide an equalizing in your relations.\\nFocus on your own strengths, positive attributes, and way of navigating the world. The more energy you put into yourself, the less energy you'll put into your enemy. Invest in your own hobbies, activities, and friends.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Look to yourself.\", \"描述\": \"What do you need to do to feel better about yourself? If someone bothers you so much that you feel you need to label them as an \\\"enemy\\\", maybe you are jealous of them, or you feel insecure around them. The answer is not to belittle them; it is to find the source of why you feel this way and to seek a solution. If you feel they are prettier than you, it is time to start grooming yourself with greater attention. A well-groomed person is as beautiful as someone born with great looks. Always remember that what is on the inside matters more to people than superficial looks. There are other ways to improve your self-esteem too - learn more, practice more, read more, sing more, dance more, play sports more, do anything that you want to be better at - more.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Be nice.\", \"描述\": \"No matter how rudely the other person treats you, don't return the volley. Remain polite, courteous and curious. Curiosity in what motivates them. When you try to stand in the other person's shoes, interesting things start to reveal themselves, such as how much of a burden that popularity or beauty just may be.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Forgive them and accept who you both are.\", \"描述\": \"Forgiveness for things done lets you move on and be the stronger person. This means that if you must see it as a confrontation, you \\\"win\\\" in the long run by having peace of mind and intact personal integrity. Accept that both of you are valuable parts of life on this planet and be in awe that you have been given this chance to live a wonderful life.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"It doesn't matter what this person thinks, nor what anyone else thinks.[7]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\\n\\n\\n So if your so-called enemy thinks your change of heart is \\\"stupid\\\" and continues to consider YOU an enemy, let her. Just don't give her anything bad to say about you; being kind in all situations is essential. That way, when she goes to needle you about something, she'll be speechless- because you've done nothing to hurt her.\\n\", \"Remember, life goes on and holding grudges isn't always the best idea. Think of yourself as the better person in this situation.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,566 | How to Be Better at Something | 1. Learning Skills
1-1. Reduce the number of distractions while you're learning.
Distractions can inhibit your ability to focus and develop any skills. Learn or study the skill in a quiet, controlled environment with minimal distractions like loud noises, electronic devices, or anything else that inhibits your ability to concentrate.
Try not to multitask while you're learning a new skill. The more concentration you can give to something, the more time and brainpower you can devote to it.
If you want to listen to music while learning, choose instrumental music. Music with lyrics are much more likely to distract you from your task.
1-2. Break learning the task into parts.
If you give your brain too much information at once, you may become overwhelmed and have a hard time memorizing it. Instead, learn about the new skill in small, easy-to-digest parts—a chapter or specific skill at a time.
If you want to get better at math, for example, focus on one mathematical principle a day to build your knowledge over time.
Don't cram yourself with information if you're getting better at something for an exam. Spacing out your learning will help you develop a stronger grasp of the topic.
1-3. Connect the information to something you understand.
While learning something new, try to relate it to something you've already practiced or mastered. That way, your brain can translate the skills you learned from the first topic while learning the second.
If you're learning to sew better, for example, think about the finger dexterity and attention to patterns you may have learned from knitting.
1-4. Focus on what excites you about the new skill.
If you're having trouble focusing while you learn the new skill, pinpoint something about it that interests you. Use the parts that you find intriguing as motivation to spend time learning the skill.
If you're learning to play the piano better, for example, use music sheets for songs you enjoy to practice.
1-5. Ask yourself questions after learning about a topic.
After studying a skill, write down 5-10 questions that capture important elements of the new task or concept. Try to answer the question without any outside help to solidify the topics in your brain.
While learning how to sketch, for example, write down a few questions about key art principles, common drawing mistakes, and techniques for improving your sketching skills.
If you're learning from a textbook, check for practice questions at the end of each chapter. These questions are usually formulated to teach you key elements about the concept.
2. Practicing with Purpose
2-1. Determine a goal for your practicing session.
Before you start practicing, think about what tasks you need to improve on. Make a goal that you want to reach by the end of the practicing session to give your session a specific purpose.
While practicing how to write an essay, for example, you could make a goal to outline at least 3 introduction paragraphs by the end of the session.
2-2. Model experts in your field while you practice.
Modeling people who are already skilled in a subject can help you learn how to successfully accomplish it. Research 2-3 people known for the skill you want to learn and, after studying their work, practice imitating it. You'll be able to develop your own style over time after building a foundation from the experts.
If you want to learn how to sing, for example, listen to the songs of a few singers you admire and practice music that they've sung.
Find a mentor in the field you want to pursue.
2-3. Seek immediate feedback while you practice.
Don't wait until the end of your practice session to check what you did right or wrong. Instead, check your progress after each task to see what you're doing right and where you need to improve.
This will help you improve any weaknesses you have quickly instead of practicing incorrect techniques.
If you're learning to sprint, for example, time yourself after each lap or mile. If you're not satisfied with your time, make a goal to run the next lap or mile faster.
2-4. Practice in front of someone else, when you're ready.
Once you've practiced on your own and feel confident in your abilities, practice in front of a friend or family member. They can evaluate what you've learned so far and give you a new perspective on where to improve next.
If you're practicing public speaking, for example, gather a few of your close friends and give them a speech. At the end of the speech, ask them for feedback and tips for improvement.
For skills that are more independent (like speed reading or learning European history), you could make a list of key facts about the subject and teach them to another person.
3. Overcoming Weaknesses
3-1. Change your practicing habits if you feel stuck.
If you feel like you're in a rut or can't improve a certain skill, changing the way you practice can help you approach your weaknesses through a unique lens. Focus your practicing sessions on your specific weakness, and try a variety of different exercises to strengthen your abilities.
If you're learning to write poetry, for example, you could practice annotating poetry for a few sessions instead of freewriting.
3-2. Join a study or practice group.
Meeting other people who are learning a new task could help you find new ways of approaching a topic and strengthening weaknesses. Find a practice group or club at your school or community center, or ask others practicing the same skill if they know of any groups.
You could, for example, join a community basketball team if you're having trouble learning to dunk.
If you can't find any groups in your area, you can always make your own instead.
3-3. Evaluate your improvement by a new measurement.
Sometimes, changing the way you evaluate your abilities can help you spot weaknesses and improve your strengths. You might focus on your accuracy or strength, for example, instead of speed or dexterity.
Instead of measuring your painting abilities by how many pieces you make a day, for example, you could focus on how you're improving your shading techniques.
3-4. Don't give up if you struggle with a specific skill.
If you're having a hard time improving, keep practicing and learning more about it every day. Focus on what you're doing well and, as you make progress in your weaknesses, celebrate your strengths to improve your motivation.
Even if the skill doesn't come naturally to you, you may be able to develop and strengthen the skill over time.
Try not to beat yourself up about mistakes you make. Mistakes can help you learn more about your technique and avoid issues in the future.
Tips
While developing new skills, make sure to get plenty of sleep every night. If you're well-rested, you'll have more energy to learn and focus on the task at hand.[17]
X
Research source
Take notes by hand, if you have to take notes while learning. Although taking notes electronically is faster, you are more likely to remember handwritten notes.[19]
X
Research source
Try to approach learning and developing new skills with a positive attitude. Having an open mind and believing in yourself can help you tackle even difficult tasks.
Warnings
Avoid using negative reinforcement to become better at something. Too much stress can worsen your self-confidence and overall ability to pick up new tasks.[20]
X
Research source
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:22",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Learning Skills\\n1-1. Reduce the number of distractions while you're learning.\\nDistractions can inhibit your ability to focus and develop any skills. Learn or study the skill in a quiet, controlled environment with minimal distractions like loud noises, electronic devices, or anything else that inhibits your ability to concentrate.\\nTry not to multitask while you're learning a new skill. The more concentration you can give to something, the more time and brainpower you can devote to it.\\nIf you want to listen to music while learning, choose instrumental music. Music with lyrics are much more likely to distract you from your task.\\n1-2. Break learning the task into parts.\\nIf you give your brain too much information at once, you may become overwhelmed and have a hard time memorizing it. Instead, learn about the new skill in small, easy-to-digest parts—a chapter or specific skill at a time.\\nIf you want to get better at math, for example, focus on one mathematical principle a day to build your knowledge over time.\\nDon't cram yourself with information if you're getting better at something for an exam. Spacing out your learning will help you develop a stronger grasp of the topic.\\n1-3. Connect the information to something you understand.\\nWhile learning something new, try to relate it to something you've already practiced or mastered. That way, your brain can translate the skills you learned from the first topic while learning the second.\\nIf you're learning to sew better, for example, think about the finger dexterity and attention to patterns you may have learned from knitting.\\n1-4. Focus on what excites you about the new skill.\\nIf you're having trouble focusing while you learn the new skill, pinpoint something about it that interests you. Use the parts that you find intriguing as motivation to spend time learning the skill.\\nIf you're learning to play the piano better, for example, use music sheets for songs you enjoy to practice.\\n1-5. Ask yourself questions after learning about a topic.\\nAfter studying a skill, write down 5-10 questions that capture important elements of the new task or concept. Try to answer the question without any outside help to solidify the topics in your brain.\\nWhile learning how to sketch, for example, write down a few questions about key art principles, common drawing mistakes, and techniques for improving your sketching skills.\\nIf you're learning from a textbook, check for practice questions at the end of each chapter. These questions are usually formulated to teach you key elements about the concept.\\n2. Practicing with Purpose\\n2-1. Determine a goal for your practicing session.\\nBefore you start practicing, think about what tasks you need to improve on. Make a goal that you want to reach by the end of the practicing session to give your session a specific purpose.\\nWhile practicing how to write an essay, for example, you could make a goal to outline at least 3 introduction paragraphs by the end of the session.\\n2-2. Model experts in your field while you practice.\\nModeling people who are already skilled in a subject can help you learn how to successfully accomplish it. Research 2-3 people known for the skill you want to learn and, after studying their work, practice imitating it. You'll be able to develop your own style over time after building a foundation from the experts.\\nIf you want to learn how to sing, for example, listen to the songs of a few singers you admire and practice music that they've sung.\\nFind a mentor in the field you want to pursue.\\n2-3. Seek immediate feedback while you practice.\\nDon't wait until the end of your practice session to check what you did right or wrong. Instead, check your progress after each task to see what you're doing right and where you need to improve.\\nThis will help you improve any weaknesses you have quickly instead of practicing incorrect techniques.\\nIf you're learning to sprint, for example, time yourself after each lap or mile. If you're not satisfied with your time, make a goal to run the next lap or mile faster.\\n2-4. Practice in front of someone else, when you're ready.\\nOnce you've practiced on your own and feel confident in your abilities, practice in front of a friend or family member. They can evaluate what you've learned so far and give you a new perspective on where to improve next.\\nIf you're practicing public speaking, for example, gather a few of your close friends and give them a speech. At the end of the speech, ask them for feedback and tips for improvement.\\nFor skills that are more independent (like speed reading or learning European history), you could make a list of key facts about the subject and teach them to another person.\\n3. Overcoming Weaknesses\\n3-1. Change your practicing habits if you feel stuck.\\nIf you feel like you're in a rut or can't improve a certain skill, changing the way you practice can help you approach your weaknesses through a unique lens. Focus your practicing sessions on your specific weakness, and try a variety of different exercises to strengthen your abilities.\\nIf you're learning to write poetry, for example, you could practice annotating poetry for a few sessions instead of freewriting.\\n3-2. Join a study or practice group.\\nMeeting other people who are learning a new task could help you find new ways of approaching a topic and strengthening weaknesses. Find a practice group or club at your school or community center, or ask others practicing the same skill if they know of any groups. \\nYou could, for example, join a community basketball team if you're having trouble learning to dunk.\\nIf you can't find any groups in your area, you can always make your own instead.\\n3-3. Evaluate your improvement by a new measurement.\\nSometimes, changing the way you evaluate your abilities can help you spot weaknesses and improve your strengths. You might focus on your accuracy or strength, for example, instead of speed or dexterity.\\nInstead of measuring your painting abilities by how many pieces you make a day, for example, you could focus on how you're improving your shading techniques.\\n3-4. Don't give up if you struggle with a specific skill.\\nIf you're having a hard time improving, keep practicing and learning more about it every day. Focus on what you're doing well and, as you make progress in your weaknesses, celebrate your strengths to improve your motivation.\\nEven if the skill doesn't come naturally to you, you may be able to develop and strengthen the skill over time.\\nTry not to beat yourself up about mistakes you make. Mistakes can help you learn more about your technique and avoid issues in the future.\\nTips\\nWhile developing new skills, make sure to get plenty of sleep every night. If you're well-rested, you'll have more energy to learn and focus on the task at hand.[17]\\nX\\nResearch source\\nTake notes by hand, if you have to take notes while learning. Although taking notes electronically is faster, you are more likely to remember handwritten notes.[19]\\nX\\nResearch source\\nTry to approach learning and developing new skills with a positive attitude. Having an open mind and believing in yourself can help you tackle even difficult tasks.\\nWarnings\\nAvoid using negative reinforcement to become better at something. Too much stress can worsen your self-confidence and overall ability to pick up new tasks.[20]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"If you want to get better at something, there's no time like the present. The first step in the path to self-improvement is learning the skill through concentrated, focused study. Then, practicing your technique can help you make and reach long-term goals. With effort and time spent strengthening your weaknesses, you can get better at most anything.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Learning Skills\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Reduce the number of distractions while you're learning.\", \"描述\": \"Distractions can inhibit your ability to focus and develop any skills. Learn or study the skill in a quiet, controlled environment with minimal distractions like loud noises, electronic devices, or anything else that inhibits your ability to concentrate.\\nTry not to multitask while you're learning a new skill. The more concentration you can give to something, the more time and brainpower you can devote to it.\\nIf you want to listen to music while learning, choose instrumental music. Music with lyrics are much more likely to distract you from your task.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Break learning the task into parts.\", \"描述\": \"If you give your brain too much information at once, you may become overwhelmed and have a hard time memorizing it. Instead, learn about the new skill in small, easy-to-digest parts—a chapter or specific skill at a time.\\nIf you want to get better at math, for example, focus on one mathematical principle a day to build your knowledge over time.\\nDon't cram yourself with information if you're getting better at something for an exam. Spacing out your learning will help you develop a stronger grasp of the topic.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Connect the information to something you understand.\", \"描述\": \"While learning something new, try to relate it to something you've already practiced or mastered. That way, your brain can translate the skills you learned from the first topic while learning the second.\\nIf you're learning to sew better, for example, think about the finger dexterity and attention to patterns you may have learned from knitting.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Focus on what excites you about the new skill.\", \"描述\": \"If you're having trouble focusing while you learn the new skill, pinpoint something about it that interests you. Use the parts that you find intriguing as motivation to spend time learning the skill.\\nIf you're learning to play the piano better, for example, use music sheets for songs you enjoy to practice.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Ask yourself questions after learning about a topic.\", \"描述\": \"After studying a skill, write down 5-10 questions that capture important elements of the new task or concept. Try to answer the question without any outside help to solidify the topics in your brain.\\nWhile learning how to sketch, for example, write down a few questions about key art principles, common drawing mistakes, and techniques for improving your sketching skills.\\nIf you're learning from a textbook, check for practice questions at the end of each chapter. These questions are usually formulated to teach you key elements about the concept.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Practicing with Purpose\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Determine a goal for your practicing session.\", \"描述\": \"Before you start practicing, think about what tasks you need to improve on. Make a goal that you want to reach by the end of the practicing session to give your session a specific purpose.\\nWhile practicing how to write an essay, for example, you could make a goal to outline at least 3 introduction paragraphs by the end of the session.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Model experts in your field while you practice.\", \"描述\": \"Modeling people who are already skilled in a subject can help you learn how to successfully accomplish it. Research 2-3 people known for the skill you want to learn and, after studying their work, practice imitating it. You'll be able to develop your own style over time after building a foundation from the experts.\\nIf you want to learn how to sing, for example, listen to the songs of a few singers you admire and practice music that they've sung.\\nFind a mentor in the field you want to pursue.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Seek immediate feedback while you practice.\", \"描述\": \"Don't wait until the end of your practice session to check what you did right or wrong. Instead, check your progress after each task to see what you're doing right and where you need to improve.\\nThis will help you improve any weaknesses you have quickly instead of practicing incorrect techniques.\\nIf you're learning to sprint, for example, time yourself after each lap or mile. If you're not satisfied with your time, make a goal to run the next lap or mile faster.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Practice in front of someone else, when you're ready.\", \"描述\": \"Once you've practiced on your own and feel confident in your abilities, practice in front of a friend or family member. They can evaluate what you've learned so far and give you a new perspective on where to improve next.\\nIf you're practicing public speaking, for example, gather a few of your close friends and give them a speech. At the end of the speech, ask them for feedback and tips for improvement.\\nFor skills that are more independent (like speed reading or learning European history), you could make a list of key facts about the subject and teach them to another person.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Overcoming Weaknesses\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Change your practicing habits if you feel stuck.\", \"描述\": \"If you feel like you're in a rut or can't improve a certain skill, changing the way you practice can help you approach your weaknesses through a unique lens. Focus your practicing sessions on your specific weakness, and try a variety of different exercises to strengthen your abilities.\\nIf you're learning to write poetry, for example, you could practice annotating poetry for a few sessions instead of freewriting.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Join a study or practice group.\", \"描述\": \"Meeting other people who are learning a new task could help you find new ways of approaching a topic and strengthening weaknesses. Find a practice group or club at your school or community center, or ask others practicing the same skill if they know of any groups. \\nYou could, for example, join a community basketball team if you're having trouble learning to dunk.\\nIf you can't find any groups in your area, you can always make your own instead.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Evaluate your improvement by a new measurement.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes, changing the way you evaluate your abilities can help you spot weaknesses and improve your strengths. You might focus on your accuracy or strength, for example, instead of speed or dexterity.\\nInstead of measuring your painting abilities by how many pieces you make a day, for example, you could focus on how you're improving your shading techniques.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Don't give up if you struggle with a specific skill.\", \"描述\": \"If you're having a hard time improving, keep practicing and learning more about it every day. Focus on what you're doing well and, as you make progress in your weaknesses, celebrate your strengths to improve your motivation.\\nEven if the skill doesn't come naturally to you, you may be able to develop and strengthen the skill over time.\\nTry not to beat yourself up about mistakes you make. Mistakes can help you learn more about your technique and avoid issues in the future.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"While developing new skills, make sure to get plenty of sleep every night. If you're well-rested, you'll have more energy to learn and focus on the task at hand.[17]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\", \"Take notes by hand, if you have to take notes while learning. Although taking notes electronically is faster, you are more likely to remember handwritten notes.[19]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\", \"Try to approach learning and developing new skills with a positive attitude. Having an open mind and believing in yourself can help you tackle even difficult tasks.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Avoid using negative reinforcement to become better at something. Too much stress can worsen your self-confidence and overall ability to pick up new tasks.[20]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,567 | How to Be Better in Fire Emblem 7 | 1. Using Units
1-1. Check where the enemy units can go.
New players will commonly run into the mistake of not properly checking enemy range. Knowing the movement range of your enemies will help you decide how to position your units. This way, you can be prepared for incoming attacks.
1-2. Keep a staff user close by your units.
Staves aren't only for healing, they can also do other things. Always read the descriptions of staves or any weapon in general. And always use them in order to increase a unit's staff rank.
A quick and easy way to raise staff rank is by spamming Barrier staves -- they can be used on units with full health and they give a decent amount of weapon experience (or wexp for short).
1-3. Use Ninian/Nils.
Ninian and Nils are a special type of unit that can allow another unit who has taken an action to be controlled again. This opens up a lot of opportunities for strategies and can allow for maps to be beaten significantly faster.
Exclusive to this game are rings. Ninian and Nils instead of refreshing a unit's turn can instead use these rings in order to boost a particular stat for a bit. These are very useful in a pinch, as they can mean the difference between a unit dying or surviving.
1-4. Make use of promoted units!
Contrary to what some players say, EXP isn't that limited of a resource. It is okay to use these stronger units to kill some enemies as your unpromoted units can always get stronger.
While they don't gain levels as fast, their bases stats make up for this. It'll be some time before your other units can have similar stats to pre-promotes.
2. Gaining XP
2-1. Don't need to worry too much about your XP distribution unless it's a ranked run.
While it's true that units get less XP as their level gets higher, don't micromanage exp like it's a limited resource.
FE 7 has been beaten by many people in 0% growths(i.e units had no growths and relied totally on their base stats).
Enemies in this game aren't much stronger than your army -- sometimes they are weaker.
Due to the RNG factor of gaining stats upon leveling up via growth rates, the same unit on different playthroughs can have very different stats. Which is why sticking with units who have strong base stats over high growth rates is generally better.
This applies to many late-game units. Sure, they might not have 80% in strength, but they might not need it if their strength stat is already high. Don't only disregard a unit just because their growth rates are low.
2-2. Don't feel pressured to wait until level 20 to promote all of your units.
The promotion bonuses are nice to have earlier and will make the coming battles significantly easier to handle. Some units even gain an additional weapon type to use.
3. Using Weapons and Items
3-1. Select weapons according to need, some weapons have special effects that can be beneficial in different situations.
Slim weapons are useful for units with very low con, however most characters have high enough con to use iron weapons without penalty.
Iron weapons do less damage than steel and silver weapons. However, they are also more accurate, lighter, cheaper, and more durable. Sometimes using iron weapons may be more favorable than using their stronger steel/silver counterparts.
Some weapons give more weapon experience than others. Most weapons grant only 1 wexp, but many of the higher tier weapons can give more.
While these weapons give higher wexp, they could also weigh down units if their con and/or speed isn't high enough.
Compare weapon weight to constitution and speed.
3-2. Watch out for the weapon and magic triangle:
While its effect on hit rate and damage is not enormous, In many cases, having a better chance to hit and just a bit more damage makes the difference.
For example: If facing multiple units of the same weapon types, Brigands, for example, units with a weapon triangle advantage and high avoid such as Guy, Raven or Lyn can be placed on defensive terrain and hold them off. It can make a huge difference.
3-3. Don't forget about weapon effectiveness.
Some weapons deal 2x effective damage against certain unit types, doubling the weapons strength.
For example, all bows deal effective damage against fliers, so make sure to keep your fliers out of range from enemy archers.
Be sure to use this to your advantage if you're having trouble with a certain tougher enemy.
3-4. Use healing items when necessary.
These can come in handy if there isn't a healer nearby. But they should never be your main way of healing after gaining staff users!
They also uses up that unit's turn (unless the unit is mounted, in that case the unit can move their remaining tiles) so be careful!
4. Perfecting Your Strategies
4-1. Do your maths.
Don't attack a boss with someone if they'll be killed by them during enemy phase!
Con is also a very important stat as it determines whether or not a unit will receive a speed penalty from a weapon. If a unit's con is equal to or higher than a weapon's weight, no speed will be deducted. However, if a unit's con is lesser, a unit will lose speed equivalent to the difference of the weapon's con and their total speed.
If a unit's speed is high enough, the speed penalty won't affect their ability to double attack.
You don't always have to attack or use an item, sometimes it's better to select wait so the unit can attack on enemy phase and in turn lose less health.
4-2. Use support conversations.
The handy conversations will up the supported unit's stats in battle by a small or large amount depending on the support level.
Sure, they do boost a unit's hit and avoid and sometimes damage. But the bonuses are bonuses for a reason -- they're small. Like WTA, it is a nice bonus to have that may balance the odds in your favor, but they aren't necessary to complete the game.
4-3. Use terrain to your advantage.
Remember that terrain can increase your avoid rate, defense, and can even heal health each turn. A lot of bosses are on some defensive terrain of some sort. Remember to check for terrain and use it, as well as remembering to factor it into your calculations.
4-4. Use the arena with caution.
It is a useful, albeit risky, way of leveling up and earning money. It's not a bad idea to have some units use it before finishing off the chapter.
Tips
Recommended Characters:
Marcus: Marcus is available from chapter 11 in Eliwood mode or chapter 12 in Hector mode. He starts off as a Paladin which is the best class in the game due to being mounted which adds rescue utility and canto, having great base stats, having three weapon types, two of which have 1-2 range, makes him a force to reckon with for most of the game.
Florina/Fiora: Florina has more availability if Lyn mode is played while Fiora is better combat wise if Lyn mode isn't played, both provide flight utility which is useful in a few chapters.
Isadora: Where Marcus lacks in speed, Isadora lacks in hp and con, which along with her middling strength limits what weapons she can use, thus making it a lot harder if the enemy is bulky. Luckily she's a Paladin, arguably one of the best classes, which compensates for her middling defenses.
Pent. Pent is a well-rounded sage, who once recruited will be one of your better magic users. Pent is a really good character in dangerous situations, as he is not only able to do tons of damage, but he can also heal a lot even with a heal staff due to his high magic.
Priscilla: she is a mounted healer, meaning that she has benefits similar to Paladins and Cavaliers. She is able to travel longer distances, rescue and drop units to safety, and is able to use Canto.
Ninian/Nils. Having another unit move again is vital for low turn count runs because it can lead to crazy rescue drops when it is done in the right way. It also allows the same unit to attack, use a staff or use the arena twice.
Oswin. Oswin's defense is amazing, making him for the most part, invincible to most melee attacks. However, he is prone to not doubling and his movement is poor.
Sain. He starts off with a better strength stat than Kent and he's a mounted unit.
Kent. Despite him having lower base strength than Sain, he has better speed and skill. Making it more likely for him to double most of Lyn mode's axe users and in Eliwood/Hector's mode.
Lowen. Compared to the other cavaliers, he is much more focused on defense and HP. Which means that he is able to take much more hits than Kent and Sain on average. Combined with him being a mounted unit, he is a great unit for attacking and getting other units around a map.
Raven. Easily the most powerful unmounted swordsman. Access to axes is a bonus, as well as his solid stats and HM gains.
Harken. Essentially late game Raven. Like Raven, his stats for he joins are great. He benefits greatly from his B rank in axes along with swords. Allowing him to use brave weapons upon joining. He also has decent speed that allows him to double a lot of enemies. And in some cases, quadruple enemies with the brave weapons.
Watch the scenes, sometimes you can understand things better and help you battle.
Weapons that provide:
a) 2 wexp per hit:
Steel lance
Steel axe
Any blade
Short bow
Elfire
Shine
b) 8 wexp per hit:
Devil axe
Eclipse
Warnings
Wil and Rebecca - Archers are difficult to use as they cannot usually counterattack on enemy phase due to not having any 1 range weapons. The effectiveness against flying enemies is not as helpful in FE7 as it only doubles the damage rather than tripling it as usual.
Nino - While she is usable, it takes a lot of work to raise her and the results simply aren't worth it. She arrives much too late and at too low a level to be useful.
Wallace - while his stats may be superior to your other characters at the end of Lyn's Story, he returns very late and by that point of the game most of your units should be promoted and should have better stats than he will.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:22",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Using Units\\n1-1. Check where the enemy units can go.\\nNew players will commonly run into the mistake of not properly checking enemy range. Knowing the movement range of your enemies will help you decide how to position your units. This way, you can be prepared for incoming attacks.\\n1-2. Keep a staff user close by your units.\\nStaves aren't only for healing, they can also do other things. Always read the descriptions of staves or any weapon in general. And always use them in order to increase a unit's staff rank.\\nA quick and easy way to raise staff rank is by spamming Barrier staves -- they can be used on units with full health and they give a decent amount of weapon experience (or wexp for short).\\n1-3. Use Ninian/Nils.\\nNinian and Nils are a special type of unit that can allow another unit who has taken an action to be controlled again. This opens up a lot of opportunities for strategies and can allow for maps to be beaten significantly faster.\\nExclusive to this game are rings. Ninian and Nils instead of refreshing a unit's turn can instead use these rings in order to boost a particular stat for a bit. These are very useful in a pinch, as they can mean the difference between a unit dying or surviving.\\n1-4. Make use of promoted units!\\nContrary to what some players say, EXP isn't that limited of a resource. It is okay to use these stronger units to kill some enemies as your unpromoted units can always get stronger.\\nWhile they don't gain levels as fast, their bases stats make up for this. It'll be some time before your other units can have similar stats to pre-promotes.\\n2. Gaining XP\\n2-1. Don't need to worry too much about your XP distribution unless it's a ranked run.\\nWhile it's true that units get less XP as their level gets higher, don't micromanage exp like it's a limited resource.\\nFE 7 has been beaten by many people in 0% growths(i.e units had no growths and relied totally on their base stats).\\nEnemies in this game aren't much stronger than your army -- sometimes they are weaker.\\n\\nDue to the RNG factor of gaining stats upon leveling up via growth rates, the same unit on different playthroughs can have very different stats. Which is why sticking with units who have strong base stats over high growth rates is generally better.\\nThis applies to many late-game units. Sure, they might not have 80% in strength, but they might not need it if their strength stat is already high. Don't only disregard a unit just because their growth rates are low.\\n2-2. Don't feel pressured to wait until level 20 to promote all of your units.\\nThe promotion bonuses are nice to have earlier and will make the coming battles significantly easier to handle. Some units even gain an additional weapon type to use.\\n3. Using Weapons and Items\\n3-1. Select weapons according to need, some weapons have special effects that can be beneficial in different situations.\\nSlim weapons are useful for units with very low con, however most characters have high enough con to use iron weapons without penalty.\\nIron weapons do less damage than steel and silver weapons. However, they are also more accurate, lighter, cheaper, and more durable. Sometimes using iron weapons may be more favorable than using their stronger steel/silver counterparts.\\nSome weapons give more weapon experience than others. Most weapons grant only 1 wexp, but many of the higher tier weapons can give more.\\nWhile these weapons give higher wexp, they could also weigh down units if their con and/or speed isn't high enough.\\nCompare weapon weight to constitution and speed.\\n3-2. Watch out for the weapon and magic triangle:\\nWhile its effect on hit rate and damage is not enormous, In many cases, having a better chance to hit and just a bit more damage makes the difference.\\nFor example: If facing multiple units of the same weapon types, Brigands, for example, units with a weapon triangle advantage and high avoid such as Guy, Raven or Lyn can be placed on defensive terrain and hold them off. It can make a huge difference.\\n3-3. Don't forget about weapon effectiveness.\\nSome weapons deal 2x effective damage against certain unit types, doubling the weapons strength.\\nFor example, all bows deal effective damage against fliers, so make sure to keep your fliers out of range from enemy archers.\\nBe sure to use this to your advantage if you're having trouble with a certain tougher enemy.\\n3-4. Use healing items when necessary.\\nThese can come in handy if there isn't a healer nearby. But they should never be your main way of healing after gaining staff users!\\nThey also uses up that unit's turn (unless the unit is mounted, in that case the unit can move their remaining tiles) so be careful!\\n4. Perfecting Your Strategies\\n4-1. Do your maths.\\nDon't attack a boss with someone if they'll be killed by them during enemy phase!\\nCon is also a very important stat as it determines whether or not a unit will receive a speed penalty from a weapon. If a unit's con is equal to or higher than a weapon's weight, no speed will be deducted. However, if a unit's con is lesser, a unit will lose speed equivalent to the difference of the weapon's con and their total speed.\\nIf a unit's speed is high enough, the speed penalty won't affect their ability to double attack.\\nYou don't always have to attack or use an item, sometimes it's better to select wait so the unit can attack on enemy phase and in turn lose less health.\\n4-2. Use support conversations.\\nThe handy conversations will up the supported unit's stats in battle by a small or large amount depending on the support level.\\nSure, they do boost a unit's hit and avoid and sometimes damage. But the bonuses are bonuses for a reason -- they're small. Like WTA, it is a nice bonus to have that may balance the odds in your favor, but they aren't necessary to complete the game.\\n4-3. Use terrain to your advantage.\\nRemember that terrain can increase your avoid rate, defense, and can even heal health each turn. A lot of bosses are on some defensive terrain of some sort. Remember to check for terrain and use it, as well as remembering to factor it into your calculations.\\n4-4. Use the arena with caution.\\nIt is a useful, albeit risky, way of leveling up and earning money. It's not a bad idea to have some units use it before finishing off the chapter.\\nTips\\nRecommended Characters:\\n\\nMarcus: Marcus is available from chapter 11 in Eliwood mode or chapter 12 in Hector mode. He starts off as a Paladin which is the best class in the game due to being mounted which adds rescue utility and canto, having great base stats, having three weapon types, two of which have 1-2 range, makes him a force to reckon with for most of the game.\\nFlorina/Fiora: Florina has more availability if Lyn mode is played while Fiora is better combat wise if Lyn mode isn't played, both provide flight utility which is useful in a few chapters.\\nIsadora: Where Marcus lacks in speed, Isadora lacks in hp and con, which along with her middling strength limits what weapons she can use, thus making it a lot harder if the enemy is bulky. Luckily she's a Paladin, arguably one of the best classes, which compensates for her middling defenses.\\nPent. Pent is a well-rounded sage, who once recruited will be one of your better magic users. Pent is a really good character in dangerous situations, as he is not only able to do tons of damage, but he can also heal a lot even with a heal staff due to his high magic.\\nPriscilla: she is a mounted healer, meaning that she has benefits similar to Paladins and Cavaliers. She is able to travel longer distances, rescue and drop units to safety, and is able to use Canto.\\nNinian/Nils. Having another unit move again is vital for low turn count runs because it can lead to crazy rescue drops when it is done in the right way. It also allows the same unit to attack, use a staff or use the arena twice.\\nOswin. Oswin's defense is amazing, making him for the most part, invincible to most melee attacks. However, he is prone to not doubling and his movement is poor.\\nSain. He starts off with a better strength stat than Kent and he's a mounted unit.\\nKent. Despite him having lower base strength than Sain, he has better speed and skill. Making it more likely for him to double most of Lyn mode's axe users and in Eliwood/Hector's mode.\\nLowen. Compared to the other cavaliers, he is much more focused on defense and HP. Which means that he is able to take much more hits than Kent and Sain on average. Combined with him being a mounted unit, he is a great unit for attacking and getting other units around a map.\\nRaven. Easily the most powerful unmounted swordsman. Access to axes is a bonus, as well as his solid stats and HM gains.\\nHarken. Essentially late game Raven. Like Raven, his stats for he joins are great. He benefits greatly from his B rank in axes along with swords. Allowing him to use brave weapons upon joining. He also has decent speed that allows him to double a lot of enemies. And in some cases, quadruple enemies with the brave weapons.\\nWatch the scenes, sometimes you can understand things better and help you battle.\\nWeapons that provide:\\n\\na) 2 wexp per hit:\\n\\nSteel lance\\nSteel axe\\nAny blade\\nShort bow\\nElfire\\nShine\\n\\n\\nb) 8 wexp per hit:\\n\\nDevil axe\\nEclipse\\nWarnings\\nWil and Rebecca - Archers are difficult to use as they cannot usually counterattack on enemy phase due to not having any 1 range weapons. The effectiveness against flying enemies is not as helpful in FE7 as it only doubles the damage rather than tripling it as usual.\\nNino - While she is usable, it takes a lot of work to raise her and the results simply aren't worth it. She arrives much too late and at too low a level to be useful.\\nWallace - while his stats may be superior to your other characters at the end of Lyn's Story, he returns very late and by that point of the game most of your units should be promoted and should have better stats than he will.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Fire Emblem 7, also known as Fire Emblem: The Blazing Blade or just Fire Emblem, is the first game in the series to be released outside of Japan. The main characters are Lyndis, Hector, and Eliwood.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Using Units\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Check where the enemy units can go.\", \"描述\": \"New players will commonly run into the mistake of not properly checking enemy range. Knowing the movement range of your enemies will help you decide how to position your units. This way, you can be prepared for incoming attacks.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Keep a staff user close by your units.\", \"描述\": \"Staves aren't only for healing, they can also do other things. Always read the descriptions of staves or any weapon in general. And always use them in order to increase a unit's staff rank.\\nA quick and easy way to raise staff rank is by spamming Barrier staves -- they can be used on units with full health and they give a decent amount of weapon experience (or wexp for short).\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Use Ninian/Nils.\", \"描述\": \"Ninian and Nils are a special type of unit that can allow another unit who has taken an action to be controlled again. This opens up a lot of opportunities for strategies and can allow for maps to be beaten significantly faster.\\nExclusive to this game are rings. Ninian and Nils instead of refreshing a unit's turn can instead use these rings in order to boost a particular stat for a bit. These are very useful in a pinch, as they can mean the difference between a unit dying or surviving.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Make use of promoted units!\", \"描述\": \"Contrary to what some players say, EXP isn't that limited of a resource. It is okay to use these stronger units to kill some enemies as your unpromoted units can always get stronger.\\nWhile they don't gain levels as fast, their bases stats make up for this. It'll be some time before your other units can have similar stats to pre-promotes.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Gaining XP\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Don't need to worry too much about your XP distribution unless it's a ranked run.\", \"描述\": \"While it's true that units get less XP as their level gets higher, don't micromanage exp like it's a limited resource.\\nFE 7 has been beaten by many people in 0% growths(i.e units had no growths and relied totally on their base stats).\\nEnemies in this game aren't much stronger than your army -- sometimes they are weaker.\\n\\nDue to the RNG factor of gaining stats upon leveling up via growth rates, the same unit on different playthroughs can have very different stats. Which is why sticking with units who have strong base stats over high growth rates is generally better.\\nThis applies to many late-game units. Sure, they might not have 80% in strength, but they might not need it if their strength stat is already high. Don't only disregard a unit just because their growth rates are low.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Don't feel pressured to wait until level 20 to promote all of your units.\", \"描述\": \"The promotion bonuses are nice to have earlier and will make the coming battles significantly easier to handle. Some units even gain an additional weapon type to use.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Using Weapons and Items\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Select weapons according to need, some weapons have special effects that can be beneficial in different situations.\", \"描述\": \"Slim weapons are useful for units with very low con, however most characters have high enough con to use iron weapons without penalty.\\nIron weapons do less damage than steel and silver weapons. However, they are also more accurate, lighter, cheaper, and more durable. Sometimes using iron weapons may be more favorable than using their stronger steel/silver counterparts.\\nSome weapons give more weapon experience than others. Most weapons grant only 1 wexp, but many of the higher tier weapons can give more.\\nWhile these weapons give higher wexp, they could also weigh down units if their con and/or speed isn't high enough.\\nCompare weapon weight to constitution and speed.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Watch out for the weapon and magic triangle:\", \"描述\": \"While its effect on hit rate and damage is not enormous, In many cases, having a better chance to hit and just a bit more damage makes the difference.\\nFor example: If facing multiple units of the same weapon types, Brigands, for example, units with a weapon triangle advantage and high avoid such as Guy, Raven or Lyn can be placed on defensive terrain and hold them off. It can make a huge difference.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Don't forget about weapon effectiveness.\", \"描述\": \"Some weapons deal 2x effective damage against certain unit types, doubling the weapons strength.\\nFor example, all bows deal effective damage against fliers, so make sure to keep your fliers out of range from enemy archers.\\nBe sure to use this to your advantage if you're having trouble with a certain tougher enemy.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Use healing items when necessary.\", \"描述\": \"These can come in handy if there isn't a healer nearby. But they should never be your main way of healing after gaining staff users!\\nThey also uses up that unit's turn (unless the unit is mounted, in that case the unit can move their remaining tiles) so be careful!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Perfecting Your Strategies\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Do your maths.\", \"描述\": \"Don't attack a boss with someone if they'll be killed by them during enemy phase!\\nCon is also a very important stat as it determines whether or not a unit will receive a speed penalty from a weapon. If a unit's con is equal to or higher than a weapon's weight, no speed will be deducted. However, if a unit's con is lesser, a unit will lose speed equivalent to the difference of the weapon's con and their total speed.\\nIf a unit's speed is high enough, the speed penalty won't affect their ability to double attack.\\nYou don't always have to attack or use an item, sometimes it's better to select wait so the unit can attack on enemy phase and in turn lose less health.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Use support conversations.\", \"描述\": \"The handy conversations will up the supported unit's stats in battle by a small or large amount depending on the support level.\\nSure, they do boost a unit's hit and avoid and sometimes damage. But the bonuses are bonuses for a reason -- they're small. Like WTA, it is a nice bonus to have that may balance the odds in your favor, but they aren't necessary to complete the game.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Use terrain to your advantage.\", \"描述\": \"Remember that terrain can increase your avoid rate, defense, and can even heal health each turn. A lot of bosses are on some defensive terrain of some sort. Remember to check for terrain and use it, as well as remembering to factor it into your calculations.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Use the arena with caution.\", \"描述\": \"It is a useful, albeit risky, way of leveling up and earning money. It's not a bad idea to have some units use it before finishing off the chapter.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Recommended Characters:\\n\\nMarcus: Marcus is available from chapter 11 in Eliwood mode or chapter 12 in Hector mode. He starts off as a Paladin which is the best class in the game due to being mounted which adds rescue utility and canto, having great base stats, having three weapon types, two of which have 1-2 range, makes him a force to reckon with for most of the game.\\nFlorina/Fiora: Florina has more availability if Lyn mode is played while Fiora is better combat wise if Lyn mode isn't played, both provide flight utility which is useful in a few chapters.\\nIsadora: Where Marcus lacks in speed, Isadora lacks in hp and con, which along with her middling strength limits what weapons she can use, thus making it a lot harder if the enemy is bulky. Luckily she's a Paladin, arguably one of the best classes, which compensates for her middling defenses.\\nPent. Pent is a well-rounded sage, who once recruited will be one of your better magic users. Pent is a really good character in dangerous situations, as he is not only able to do tons of damage, but he can also heal a lot even with a heal staff due to his high magic.\\nPriscilla: she is a mounted healer, meaning that she has benefits similar to Paladins and Cavaliers. She is able to travel longer distances, rescue and drop units to safety, and is able to use Canto.\\nNinian/Nils. Having another unit move again is vital for low turn count runs because it can lead to crazy rescue drops when it is done in the right way. It also allows the same unit to attack, use a staff or use the arena twice.\\nOswin. Oswin's defense is amazing, making him for the most part, invincible to most melee attacks. However, he is prone to not doubling and his movement is poor.\\nSain. He starts off with a better strength stat than Kent and he's a mounted unit.\\nKent. Despite him having lower base strength than Sain, he has better speed and skill. Making it more likely for him to double most of Lyn mode's axe users and in Eliwood/Hector's mode.\\nLowen. Compared to the other cavaliers, he is much more focused on defense and HP. Which means that he is able to take much more hits than Kent and Sain on average. Combined with him being a mounted unit, he is a great unit for attacking and getting other units around a map.\\nRaven. Easily the most powerful unmounted swordsman. Access to axes is a bonus, as well as his solid stats and HM gains.\\nHarken. Essentially late game Raven. Like Raven, his stats for he joins are great. He benefits greatly from his B rank in axes along with swords. Allowing him to use brave weapons upon joining. He also has decent speed that allows him to double a lot of enemies. And in some cases, quadruple enemies with the brave weapons.\\n\", \"Watch the scenes, sometimes you can understand things better and help you battle.\\n\", \"Weapons that provide:\\n\\na) 2 wexp per hit:\\n\\nSteel lance\\nSteel axe\\nAny blade\\nShort bow\\nElfire\\nShine\\n\\n\\nb) 8 wexp per hit:\\n\\nDevil axe\\nEclipse\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Wil and Rebecca - Archers are difficult to use as they cannot usually counterattack on enemy phase due to not having any 1 range weapons. The effectiveness against flying enemies is not as helpful in FE7 as it only doubles the damage rather than tripling it as usual.\\n\", \"Nino - While she is usable, it takes a lot of work to raise her and the results simply aren't worth it. She arrives much too late and at too low a level to be useful.\\n\", \"Wallace - while his stats may be superior to your other characters at the end of Lyn's Story, he returns very late and by that point of the game most of your units should be promoted and should have better stats than he will.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,568 | How to Be Big and Beautiful | 1. Steps
1-1. Make sure your hair is working for you.
Get a cut that flatters your face shape and keeps head to body proportions in mind. (Note, too long hair on plus sized ladies often drags the body down. Too short hair gives the "pin head" effect, that of a small head on a larger body.) Often, dying it a shade or two darker or lighter can make a much more striking appearance than "mousy" hair color. If your natural hair color is boring, consider finding out about your color type and dying it a more flattering shade. (Cold or warm color types, or if more in depth, the seasons: Spring, Fall, Winter, and Summer. This information can be found in color type analysis books, and is also very useful in picking out make up and clothing colors that flatter you the most.)
1-2. Take the time to apply make up.
A well made up face, but not overly dramatic that makes you look like a clown, presents a well groomed image. Learn to accentuate your best features and how to contour your face. (Get a make up consultation or invest in a book on applying make up.) In general, taking care of yourself will give people an impression of confidence and self worth. The confidence you will feel from being well maintained, will make your great personality the thing people remember about you, not the few extra pounds.
1-3. Invest in your teeth, and maintain your skin.
Keep your nails well groomed. These small things make a huge difference. Looking healthy and clean is always attractive!
1-4. Find at least 5 things about yourself that you like, and think about those when you get down.
Perhaps write them down so you can look at them whenever you need to Take the time to showcase those features. For example, do you have pretty hands? Then wear nice rings and maintain your nails.
1-5. Fake it!
No one is completely body confident. Be positive about yourself to others, and others will see you in that light. Nothing makes a person look more unattractive to others, regardless of weight, than a person who is constantly make self-deprecating comments. However, if you seem happy and confident with the way you look, people will be drawn to your personality. Remember also many men find larger women attractive.
1-6. Make clothing work for you.
Get a book on body proportion analysis (or image consulting guides), and figure out what cuts work for your body type. (For example, straight leg jeans balance wide hips, so keep away from jeans that taper!) Never wear too baggy, it will make you larger then you are. Never wear too tight clothing, it will accentuate your problem spots. Wear well fitted cuts, they will put you in the best light. You do not need to limit yourself to black, although darker colors do slenderize, but also be wary of too extremely bright colors and patterns that scream circus tent. Basic pieces can also be jazzed up through bold and creative accessories, which are always conversation starters.
1-7. Take from the trends what works for you.
If you have trouble looking for trendy clothes that fit your size then consider wearing more timeless pieces and making them up to date with cheap trendy accessories that you will only wear for the season. Wear only one or two trendy pieces to look in, less is always more. Otherwise have good quality accessories to make an outfit. Invest in good pieces, they often have a longer life then your clothes. Good shoes, bags, and jewelry can make a cheap outfit look more expensive.
1-8. Get regular exercise, with physician's o.k.
Regular work outs such as walking and swimming are great and help to tone your muscles, give you a healthy glow, help you to feel great and move more gracefully.
Tips
Don't look in the mirror and be negative about yourself, pick out the good parts!
Remember that no matter how big you are, you're still beautiful!
And remember, it's not all about looks. So pick out something that you are good at, and emphasize that.
Warnings
Although being overweight is stereotyped as being unhealthy, some people are just naturally that way. Eat right and get regular exercise. Don't go on diets- there's an example of a whole industry made on making people feel inadequate. And if you really aren't eating healthy, go see a doctor about it. Health & beauty aren't measured in pounds, they're measured by society.
Don't be over dramatic about the way you look, we all have hang-ups and you just need to learn to accept them.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:23",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Steps\\n1-1. Make sure your hair is working for you.\\nGet a cut that flatters your face shape and keeps head to body proportions in mind. (Note, too long hair on plus sized ladies often drags the body down. Too short hair gives the \\\"pin head\\\" effect, that of a small head on a larger body.) Often, dying it a shade or two darker or lighter can make a much more striking appearance than \\\"mousy\\\" hair color. If your natural hair color is boring, consider finding out about your color type and dying it a more flattering shade. (Cold or warm color types, or if more in depth, the seasons: Spring, Fall, Winter, and Summer. This information can be found in color type analysis books, and is also very useful in picking out make up and clothing colors that flatter you the most.)\\n1-2. Take the time to apply make up.\\nA well made up face, but not overly dramatic that makes you look like a clown, presents a well groomed image. Learn to accentuate your best features and how to contour your face. (Get a make up consultation or invest in a book on applying make up.) In general, taking care of yourself will give people an impression of confidence and self worth. The confidence you will feel from being well maintained, will make your great personality the thing people remember about you, not the few extra pounds.\\n1-3. Invest in your teeth, and maintain your skin.\\nKeep your nails well groomed. These small things make a huge difference. Looking healthy and clean is always attractive!\\n1-4. Find at least 5 things about yourself that you like, and think about those when you get down.\\nPerhaps write them down so you can look at them whenever you need to Take the time to showcase those features. For example, do you have pretty hands? Then wear nice rings and maintain your nails.\\n1-5. Fake it!\\nNo one is completely body confident. Be positive about yourself to others, and others will see you in that light. Nothing makes a person look more unattractive to others, regardless of weight, than a person who is constantly make self-deprecating comments. However, if you seem happy and confident with the way you look, people will be drawn to your personality. Remember also many men find larger women attractive.\\n1-6. Make clothing work for you.\\nGet a book on body proportion analysis (or image consulting guides), and figure out what cuts work for your body type. (For example, straight leg jeans balance wide hips, so keep away from jeans that taper!) Never wear too baggy, it will make you larger then you are. Never wear too tight clothing, it will accentuate your problem spots. Wear well fitted cuts, they will put you in the best light. You do not need to limit yourself to black, although darker colors do slenderize, but also be wary of too extremely bright colors and patterns that scream circus tent. Basic pieces can also be jazzed up through bold and creative accessories, which are always conversation starters.\\n1-7. Take from the trends what works for you.\\nIf you have trouble looking for trendy clothes that fit your size then consider wearing more timeless pieces and making them up to date with cheap trendy accessories that you will only wear for the season. Wear only one or two trendy pieces to look in, less is always more. Otherwise have good quality accessories to make an outfit. Invest in good pieces, they often have a longer life then your clothes. Good shoes, bags, and jewelry can make a cheap outfit look more expensive.\\n1-8. Get regular exercise, with physician's o.k.\\nRegular work outs such as walking and swimming are great and help to tone your muscles, give you a healthy glow, help you to feel great and move more gracefully.\\nTips\\nDon't look in the mirror and be negative about yourself, pick out the good parts!\\nRemember that no matter how big you are, you're still beautiful!\\nAnd remember, it's not all about looks. So pick out something that you are good at, and emphasize that.\\nWarnings\\nAlthough being overweight is stereotyped as being unhealthy, some people are just naturally that way. Eat right and get regular exercise. Don't go on diets- there's an example of a whole industry made on making people feel inadequate. And if you really aren't eating healthy, go see a doctor about it. Health & beauty aren't measured in pounds, they're measured by society.\\nDon't be over dramatic about the way you look, we all have hang-ups and you just need to learn to accept them.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"In today's society it is hard to be accepted as an obese or even overweight \\\"attractive\\\" female, but there are certain steps you can take to make yourself feel more attractive and consequently for other people to be attracted to you.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Steps\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make sure your hair is working for you.\", \"描述\": \"Get a cut that flatters your face shape and keeps head to body proportions in mind. (Note, too long hair on plus sized ladies often drags the body down. Too short hair gives the \\\"pin head\\\" effect, that of a small head on a larger body.) Often, dying it a shade or two darker or lighter can make a much more striking appearance than \\\"mousy\\\" hair color. If your natural hair color is boring, consider finding out about your color type and dying it a more flattering shade. (Cold or warm color types, or if more in depth, the seasons: Spring, Fall, Winter, and Summer. This information can be found in color type analysis books, and is also very useful in picking out make up and clothing colors that flatter you the most.)\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Take the time to apply make up.\", \"描述\": \"A well made up face, but not overly dramatic that makes you look like a clown, presents a well groomed image. Learn to accentuate your best features and how to contour your face. (Get a make up consultation or invest in a book on applying make up.) In general, taking care of yourself will give people an impression of confidence and self worth. The confidence you will feel from being well maintained, will make your great personality the thing people remember about you, not the few extra pounds.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Invest in your teeth, and maintain your skin.\", \"描述\": \"Keep your nails well groomed. These small things make a huge difference. Looking healthy and clean is always attractive!\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Find at least 5 things about yourself that you like, and think about those when you get down.\", \"描述\": \"Perhaps write them down so you can look at them whenever you need to Take the time to showcase those features. For example, do you have pretty hands? Then wear nice rings and maintain your nails.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Fake it!\", \"描述\": \"No one is completely body confident. Be positive about yourself to others, and others will see you in that light. Nothing makes a person look more unattractive to others, regardless of weight, than a person who is constantly make self-deprecating comments. However, if you seem happy and confident with the way you look, people will be drawn to your personality. Remember also many men find larger women attractive.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Make clothing work for you.\", \"描述\": \"Get a book on body proportion analysis (or image consulting guides), and figure out what cuts work for your body type. (For example, straight leg jeans balance wide hips, so keep away from jeans that taper!) Never wear too baggy, it will make you larger then you are. Never wear too tight clothing, it will accentuate your problem spots. Wear well fitted cuts, they will put you in the best light. You do not need to limit yourself to black, although darker colors do slenderize, but also be wary of too extremely bright colors and patterns that scream circus tent. Basic pieces can also be jazzed up through bold and creative accessories, which are always conversation starters.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Take from the trends what works for you.\", \"描述\": \"If you have trouble looking for trendy clothes that fit your size then consider wearing more timeless pieces and making them up to date with cheap trendy accessories that you will only wear for the season. Wear only one or two trendy pieces to look in, less is always more. Otherwise have good quality accessories to make an outfit. Invest in good pieces, they often have a longer life then your clothes. Good shoes, bags, and jewelry can make a cheap outfit look more expensive.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Get regular exercise, with physician's o.k.\", \"描述\": \"Regular work outs such as walking and swimming are great and help to tone your muscles, give you a healthy glow, help you to feel great and move more gracefully.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Don't look in the mirror and be negative about yourself, pick out the good parts!\\n\", \"Remember that no matter how big you are, you're still beautiful!\\n\", \"And remember, it's not all about looks. So pick out something that you are good at, and emphasize that.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Although being overweight is stereotyped as being unhealthy, some people are just naturally that way. Eat right and get regular exercise. Don't go on diets- there's an example of a whole industry made on making people feel inadequate. And if you really aren't eating healthy, go see a doctor about it. Health & beauty aren't measured in pounds, they're measured by society.\\n\", \"Don't be over dramatic about the way you look, we all have hang-ups and you just need to learn to accept them.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,569 | How to Be Big and Still Get a Girl | 1. Get into the Right Mindset
1-1. Find your self-confidence.
Most people are attracted to someone who has healthy self-esteem. If you believe you're the shiz, you'll act like you're the shiz and girls will believe you're the shiz and want to find out why you're the shiz.
Don't try to become confident by getting the attention of girls. Not only will this never truly give you faith in yourself as a person, you're setting yourself up for a fall. Even the most handsome guy will go through dry patches but, if their confidence is founded on something stronger than their attractiveness, the rest of their life won't suffer and they'll come out the other side fighting.
1-2. Believe that you are physically attractive.
Yes, you don't have a six pack but you might have great skin, hair, eyes or height. Never underestimate the power of such details.
Remember that you may not think of yourself as the most handsome man to walk the earth but there will always be several guys who would give their right arm to look like you. They are not always the people you would expect either.
You're pretty unlikely to be the heaviest man around. Guess what? There have been guys and girls much bigger than you that have found flings and true love.
1-3. Manage your expectations.
You have to cut potential girls a little leeway. Go for someone you find attractive, definitely, but accept that they might not always be a 10. Look past the physical and into the character and soul of the girl you're trying to get. Not only will your insistence on finding someone beautiful inside and out make you more attractive to girls, it will make sure that you find someone truly special and worthy of you.
This goes for every guy and girl you'll ever meet and everyone realises it, sooner or later. It has nothing to do with your size or level of attractiveness.
2. Present Yourself Well
2-1. Dress to impress
Wear clothes that highlight your best features and that make you feel attractive and suave.
2-2. Show off your personality.
Whatever the size of your clothes, the key to having someone fall head over heels in love with you is a great personality.
Be funny. Humor is a huge part of love and a trait many girls find very attractive.
Self-deprecating humor is great but make sure not to go overboard and risk losing her respect. If all she ever hears about you is how clumsy/foolish/unintelligent/greedy/awkward you are, she'll believe it.
Be kind and sensitive towards others. Swoon!
2-3. Have healthy looking skin, face and body.
All healthy skin tones are fine. If you're very pale, you might like to get a little bit of a tan. If your skin tone is a bit uneven, you might try a new skin care regimen to improve it. Removing palid, blotchy or rough skin it will fatty pounds off you and highlight your muscles - the very reason so many partygoers and bodybuilders maintain a tan/healthy skin.
2-4. Manage your weight.
If you're reading this article, you clearly feel that your size is holding you back. Your doctor may advise you to change your diet and/or take some light exercise. However, only attempt to lose weight under the guidance of a healthcare professional. Feeling in control of your weight will give you a big confidence boost.
Girls will be attracted to someone who has the "guts" to tackle such an obstacle. It develops and shows a strength of character that will stand you in good stead in many parts of life, not least the romantic side of it.
3. Making a Move
3-1. Maintain good oral hygiene and breath.
Keep some mints with you.
3-2. Try not to get on top of anyone, it creeps people out.
3-3. Make sure your girl knows you care about her.
3-4. Kiss with sensitivity.
If and when you kiss, don't smush your face into hers. It's gross.
Tips
The girl is most likely just as nervous as you are! So, try to calm yourself down, the worst that can happen is her saying no, so what have you got to lose?
Have a good attitude even in bad times.
It's not only girls who are sometimes encouraged to go further than they really want to. Stand firm to what you believe and don't feel afraid to say "no". Remember that this won't be the only girl you'll ever have a chance with. You are no more or less of a man if you have not had this or that sexual experience. The only difference between a man and a boy in such circumstances is that a man can stand up for what he believes in and won't be lead by the nose.
Warnings
Don't rave on about other girls.
Attempt drastic weight loss only under the guidance of a healthcare professional.
Make sure your breath smells decent.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:23",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Get into the Right Mindset\\n1-1. Find your self-confidence.\\nMost people are attracted to someone who has healthy self-esteem. If you believe you're the shiz, you'll act like you're the shiz and girls will believe you're the shiz and want to find out why you're the shiz.\\nDon't try to become confident by getting the attention of girls. Not only will this never truly give you faith in yourself as a person, you're setting yourself up for a fall. Even the most handsome guy will go through dry patches but, if their confidence is founded on something stronger than their attractiveness, the rest of their life won't suffer and they'll come out the other side fighting.\\n1-2. Believe that you are physically attractive.\\nYes, you don't have a six pack but you might have great skin, hair, eyes or height. Never underestimate the power of such details. \\nRemember that you may not think of yourself as the most handsome man to walk the earth but there will always be several guys who would give their right arm to look like you. They are not always the people you would expect either.\\nYou're pretty unlikely to be the heaviest man around. Guess what? There have been guys and girls much bigger than you that have found flings and true love.\\n1-3. Manage your expectations.\\nYou have to cut potential girls a little leeway. Go for someone you find attractive, definitely, but accept that they might not always be a 10. Look past the physical and into the character and soul of the girl you're trying to get. Not only will your insistence on finding someone beautiful inside and out make you more attractive to girls, it will make sure that you find someone truly special and worthy of you.\\nThis goes for every guy and girl you'll ever meet and everyone realises it, sooner or later. It has nothing to do with your size or level of attractiveness.\\n2. Present Yourself Well\\n2-1. Dress to impress\\nWear clothes that highlight your best features and that make you feel attractive and suave.\\n2-2. Show off your personality.\\nWhatever the size of your clothes, the key to having someone fall head over heels in love with you is a great personality.\\n\\nBe funny. Humor is a huge part of love and a trait many girls find very attractive.\\nSelf-deprecating humor is great but make sure not to go overboard and risk losing her respect. If all she ever hears about you is how clumsy/foolish/unintelligent/greedy/awkward you are, she'll believe it.\\n\\nBe kind and sensitive towards others. Swoon!\\n2-3. Have healthy looking skin, face and body.\\nAll healthy skin tones are fine. If you're very pale, you might like to get a little bit of a tan. If your skin tone is a bit uneven, you might try a new skin care regimen to improve it. Removing palid, blotchy or rough skin it will fatty pounds off you and highlight your muscles - the very reason so many partygoers and bodybuilders maintain a tan/healthy skin.\\n2-4. Manage your weight.\\nIf you're reading this article, you clearly feel that your size is holding you back. Your doctor may advise you to change your diet and/or take some light exercise. However, only attempt to lose weight under the guidance of a healthcare professional. Feeling in control of your weight will give you a big confidence boost.\\nGirls will be attracted to someone who has the \\\"guts\\\" to tackle such an obstacle. It develops and shows a strength of character that will stand you in good stead in many parts of life, not least the romantic side of it.\\n3. Making a Move\\n3-1. Maintain good oral hygiene and breath.\\nKeep some mints with you.\\n3-2. Try not to get on top of anyone, it creeps people out.\\n\\n3-3. Make sure your girl knows you care about her.\\n\\n3-4. Kiss with sensitivity.\\nIf and when you kiss, don't smush your face into hers. It's gross.\\nTips\\nThe girl is most likely just as nervous as you are! So, try to calm yourself down, the worst that can happen is her saying no, so what have you got to lose?\\nHave a good attitude even in bad times.\\nIt's not only girls who are sometimes encouraged to go further than they really want to. Stand firm to what you believe and don't feel afraid to say \\\"no\\\". Remember that this won't be the only girl you'll ever have a chance with. You are no more or less of a man if you have not had this or that sexual experience. The only difference between a man and a boy in such circumstances is that a man can stand up for what he believes in and won't be lead by the nose.\\nWarnings\\nDon't rave on about other girls.\\nAttempt drastic weight loss only under the guidance of a healthcare professional.\\nMake sure your breath smells decent.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"This article covers in detail how to get girls if you consider yourself big. Anyone can get a girl, the key is to play to your strengths and meet lots of girls until you find one that likes you as much as you like her. Get started at step number one below.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Get into the Right Mindset\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Find your self-confidence.\", \"描述\": \"Most people are attracted to someone who has healthy self-esteem. If you believe you're the shiz, you'll act like you're the shiz and girls will believe you're the shiz and want to find out why you're the shiz.\\nDon't try to become confident by getting the attention of girls. Not only will this never truly give you faith in yourself as a person, you're setting yourself up for a fall. Even the most handsome guy will go through dry patches but, if their confidence is founded on something stronger than their attractiveness, the rest of their life won't suffer and they'll come out the other side fighting.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Believe that you are physically attractive.\", \"描述\": \"Yes, you don't have a six pack but you might have great skin, hair, eyes or height. Never underestimate the power of such details. \\nRemember that you may not think of yourself as the most handsome man to walk the earth but there will always be several guys who would give their right arm to look like you. They are not always the people you would expect either.\\nYou're pretty unlikely to be the heaviest man around. Guess what? There have been guys and girls much bigger than you that have found flings and true love.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Manage your expectations.\", \"描述\": \"You have to cut potential girls a little leeway. Go for someone you find attractive, definitely, but accept that they might not always be a 10. Look past the physical and into the character and soul of the girl you're trying to get. Not only will your insistence on finding someone beautiful inside and out make you more attractive to girls, it will make sure that you find someone truly special and worthy of you.\\nThis goes for every guy and girl you'll ever meet and everyone realises it, sooner or later. It has nothing to do with your size or level of attractiveness.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Present Yourself Well\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Dress to impress\", \"描述\": \"Wear clothes that highlight your best features and that make you feel attractive and suave.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Show off your personality.\", \"描述\": \"Whatever the size of your clothes, the key to having someone fall head over heels in love with you is a great personality.\\n\\nBe funny. Humor is a huge part of love and a trait many girls find very attractive.\\nSelf-deprecating humor is great but make sure not to go overboard and risk losing her respect. If all she ever hears about you is how clumsy/foolish/unintelligent/greedy/awkward you are, she'll believe it.\\n\\nBe kind and sensitive towards others. Swoon!\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Have healthy looking skin, face and body.\", \"描述\": \"All healthy skin tones are fine. If you're very pale, you might like to get a little bit of a tan. If your skin tone is a bit uneven, you might try a new skin care regimen to improve it. Removing palid, blotchy or rough skin it will fatty pounds off you and highlight your muscles - the very reason so many partygoers and bodybuilders maintain a tan/healthy skin.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Manage your weight.\", \"描述\": \"If you're reading this article, you clearly feel that your size is holding you back. Your doctor may advise you to change your diet and/or take some light exercise. However, only attempt to lose weight under the guidance of a healthcare professional. Feeling in control of your weight will give you a big confidence boost.\\nGirls will be attracted to someone who has the \\\"guts\\\" to tackle such an obstacle. It develops and shows a strength of character that will stand you in good stead in many parts of life, not least the romantic side of it.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Making a Move\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Maintain good oral hygiene and breath.\", \"描述\": \"Keep some mints with you.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Try not to get on top of anyone, it creeps people out.\", \"描述\": \"\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Make sure your girl knows you care about her.\", \"描述\": \"\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Kiss with sensitivity.\", \"描述\": \"If and when you kiss, don't smush your face into hers. It's gross.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"The girl is most likely just as nervous as you are! So, try to calm yourself down, the worst that can happen is her saying no, so what have you got to lose?\\n\", \"Have a good attitude even in bad times.\\n\", \"It's not only girls who are sometimes encouraged to go further than they really want to. Stand firm to what you believe and don't feel afraid to say \\\"no\\\". Remember that this won't be the only girl you'll ever have a chance with. You are no more or less of a man if you have not had this or that sexual experience. The only difference between a man and a boy in such circumstances is that a man can stand up for what he believes in and won't be lead by the nose.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Don't rave on about other girls.\\n\", \"Attempt drastic weight loss only under the guidance of a healthcare professional.\\n\", \"Make sure your breath smells decent.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,570 | How to Be Blessed (Christianity) | 1. Steps
1-1. Humble yourself as Jesus said:
"Blessed are the 'poor in spirit': for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven."(Matthew 5:3) Read this and the other eight blessings for you as they were explained by Jesus, in Matthew 5, which are keys to unlocking such personal blessings.
Jesus promises that the poor in spirit can enter His Kingdom in this life! The Kingdom of God, Jesus said, "is within you" as Christ "lives there" -- as his presence, his Spirit, can be vital to you. Jesus said that "I must go to my Father"... [and shall] "send you another comforter to abide with you forever."
The words "poor in spirit" mean not finding special pleasure in yourself/your-life, and though you have been taught to be self-sufficient and proud of your reasoning and independence: still you may become smaller in your own eyes. If you are ready to depend on God's will for your blessings -- not ignoring God and not managing your own life and not making your choices all alone, not to be merely limited by "self", then you are ready to be blessed.
When you admit your limitations to Him--then you are humble, and God can then move in you and move you into his presence -- in the Kingdom of Heaven -- and begin blessing your life.
1-2. Repent, be sorry for your bad deeds, accept responsibility, and be willing to change for the better.
"Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted."(Matthew 5:4)
In this beatitude Jesus puts value on grief and repentance evidently that would be helping the suffering of others and grief for your own flaws. So mourn and--in the first beatitude--you were told to become humble, "smaller" in your own eyes, and rely on God.
Ordinary activities of life do not bring real joy, not like faith, hope and God's Love do. Daily life may leave you thinking: "If only I had ____" (fill in the blank); it leaves you feeling your regrets, for what has been lost: lost peace, joy, hope -- and you may find yourself with "a broken spirit" -- a hurting attitude about life.
Regret your past sins, such as your damages to others -- and the time that you may have been against or ignoring and lacking God's blessing. Forgiving others removes selfishness and the guilt of "self-centered" life.
So He lets you accept forgiveness. Your guilt is removed through God's grace. You are blessed, and you know God is real.
1-3. Be unassuming, non-egotistical.
"Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth."(Matthew 5:5)
Here in the third beatitude (again) there is a word that gives some negative feelings: Meek may imply weak--as in lacking spirit or courage. Be strong but violent, and be able to endure problems with patience-- resenting other people or God, made possible by receiving Christ's Spirit in you.
Jesus described himself as: "I am meek and gentle." He was able to handle conflicts, insults, crisis without egotism as in: "He's got it all together".
So He said that the non-aggressors would "inherit the earth"; eventually you receive the unearned gift of being a sister or brother of The King in The Kingdom of Jesus. The recipient of the gift is an heir who, without personal effort, takes control and ownership of property -- your environment -- as you yield control of your existence in Christ to God's ways. Man was to have dominion over the Earth.
God will dwell with you, in harmony and will control the path set in front of you to make it acceptable to God, productive and satisfying in Christ as you follow the path set by The Lord. Remember God will not deny any good thing, but everything is expedient (some personal ventures might not follow the Lord's path).
1-4. Seek right ways with an appetite for good.
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied."(Matthew 5:6)
Most people imagine themselves pure. You have heard, "I did that to be mean and foolish." Doing any angry or revengeful act is embarrassing when your mistakes become public.
You need to make righteous choices for your own sake. It makes life easier. The apostle Paul spoke of a dilemma, "I do not fully control my actions. I do not do what I want, but do what I would not do."
Guilt and human nature makes your soul "hunger and thirst" for right choices and habitual righteousness; just like when you say, "I need something to eat and drink, now!" Also, built into you is a hunger to be right. You want to be seen as right.
Righteousness is the food and drink of your spiritual health: free from guilt, shame and sin: depend on God's promise to grow his righteousness in you.
1-5. Show mercy.
"Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy."(Matthew 5:7)
You do not need to use complete sentences in your prayers -- just say "Thank You Lord!"; "Mercy...", or simply talk to Him, "God..." or something like, "Oh, God...". Just be merciful so that He will hear you when you ask for mercy. God is merciful and "will have mercy on whom he will have mercy" (compassion).
Inhumanity of man against others has always been a force in history. So that the past history reveals selfish, inconsiderate, and cruel -- oppressing habits that cause poverty, slavery, being disinterested in social unrest, not working these things out with generous mercy, but with great indifference instead, not seeing the needs of the hurting.
Jesus tied your receiving God's mercy with your giving mercy to others. The more mercy you give out, the more you will receive -- "as you sow, so shall you reap." You see that your mercy brings reward.
1-6. Be pure through faith.
"Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God."(Matthew 5:8)
Are there any popular radio, TV, talk shows, movies that consider purity and chastity as entertainment? Purity is found by concentrating on and dedicating to and seeking to right what is wrong, first in your own life, by God's will and purpose. But realize that Jesus said, "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:5) -- which points out that one has to not judge others' behaviors, or be a hypocrite.
Your loving God will reward you in his presence by spiritual means. So it lets you "see" God, free from the pollution of mixed up desires in thoughts, words and deeds.
"Cleanse your mind; clean up your act" and in the fullest sense as God himself removes your desire for impure thinking and impure ways of acting. God purifies your being from the inside.
"Seeing" God: knowing him as your Father (by being in His presence) is the blessing promised in this beatitude.
1-7. Be a peacemaker
"Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called 'the children' of God."(Matthew 5:9)
Peace is a nice idea, as long as you get your way, but it's more than that. It starts at home: Love your wife... -- and have personal peace and love in Jesus. That starts by not returning evil for evil. He said, Turn the other cheek. Do what is asked of you and forgive each other.
Love unconditionally--treating the other as one would like to be treated, if the two roles were suddenly reversed: So, be kind to your enemy. Never overreact--just let revenge stop now! Hostility with you -- impossible? No! He empowers you. Peace may be found by doing something as simple as giving a difficult person a nice new pencil, a package of chips or a coupon for a free sandwich, if that makes sense.
His grace is sufficient; pass it on. God "walks" with you, overseeing your life as you walk in his path, handling difficulties for you ("Bless and curse not!") in His own way, and protecting your person, even through the valley of the shadow of death. He continuously sends blessing, both spiritually and materially.
Your Father in Heaven can give you what your heart/core desires (deep, right feeling), fulfilling real needsby his grace and through your faith. Peacemaking brings God with His peace and harmony into your life.
1-8. Accept persecution.
"Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."(Matthew 5:10)
Some bad news--"persecutions," if you are righteous -- but don't worry! You will be blessed with the benefits of the Kingdom of Heaven, if you are harassed because your life is in Christ and his newness of life is in you.
Well, you are different -- if you are in Christ. This threatens those who don't understand life's basis: spiritual life. You have put God first, and so your outlook seems to be crazy to others, who do not agree. You are just "crazy enough" to have the best in this life and in the life to come.
1-9. Accept persecution (meant for Him).
"Blessed are you, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you 'falsely,' for my sake."(Matthew 5: 11) This is like people harshly criticizing (reviling) you because of your calling Jesus Christ the Lord.
No persecution is not the end of this thought; there is still the blessing. There is so much more blessing than the negative part... there is the rejoicing and being very glad.
1-10. "Rejoice, and be exceedingly glad:
for great is your reward in Heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you."(Matthew 5: 12)
Yes, He says you should rejoice because of the fact that you endure problems and troubles with people because you believe and live in His life.
So, rejoice through your troubles and through your weakness--for in Him you are made strong (that's another blessing), and you have a great reward in Heaven.
Tips
Even if you think no one has your back, you're wrong. Think again, and look up. There is a place where everyone has each others backs. Be a lover, not a hater.
You are already guaranteed to be blessed, if you are God's child, man or woman, and even if you "have to crawl," you'll be all right when you get to Him. That means God always has "your best" in His view...
Perhaps you may think of blessings as only physical health, wealth and protection, yet God's blessings are not limited to "things". Surely -- His will, according to scripture, does include helping you to supply your material needs, but also it extends far beyond, even, your greatest hopes and dreams -- including blessing your loved ones and daily life including your dating life, marriage, and family to several generations; it's amazing.
Warnings
After you meet Jesus, and fully realize what he actually did for you -- you can only become an energetic supporter and follower. People who don't like Jesus very much won't like you either... if you follow Him!
Yet, Jesus and His ways will cause you problems! Perhaps you are called a "Jesus Freak" and "bad mouthed" -- taunted, mocked, kidded, ridiculed, and criticized -- for Jesus' sake by some "unbelievers." Some people call simple faith irrational, but you know that fearing God is just the beginning of wisdom...
If you take Jesus seriously, and report him favorably -- you are "in for misbehavior" from some people. Why? He is misunderstood by many or most people; however, although He is understood by some others -- they may often choose to shut him out of their daily grind (work, play, school,...). Some people will oppose Him by opposing you. Some people especially, don't believe in praising or glorifying Him or honoring Him or receiving Jesus as one's own Lord, though you can proclaim that "He is Lord of all".
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:23",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Steps\\n1-1. Humble yourself as Jesus said:\\n\\\"Blessed are the 'poor in spirit': for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.\\\"(Matthew 5:3) Read this and the other eight blessings for you as they were explained by Jesus, in Matthew 5, which are keys to unlocking such personal blessings.\\nJesus promises that the poor in spirit can enter His Kingdom in this life! The Kingdom of God, Jesus said, \\\"is within you\\\" as Christ \\\"lives there\\\" -- as his presence, his Spirit, can be vital to you. Jesus said that \\\"I must go to my Father\\\"... [and shall] \\\"send you another comforter to abide with you forever.\\\"\\nThe words \\\"poor in spirit\\\" mean not finding special pleasure in yourself/your-life, and though you have been taught to be self-sufficient and proud of your reasoning and independence: still you may become smaller in your own eyes. If you are ready to depend on God's will for your blessings -- not ignoring God and not managing your own life and not making your choices all alone, not to be merely limited by \\\"self\\\", then you are ready to be blessed.\\nWhen you admit your limitations to Him--then you are humble, and God can then move in you and move you into his presence -- in the Kingdom of Heaven -- and begin blessing your life.\\n1-2. Repent, be sorry for your bad deeds, accept responsibility, and be willing to change for the better.\\n\\\"Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.\\\"(Matthew 5:4)\\nIn this beatitude Jesus puts value on grief and repentance evidently that would be helping the suffering of others and grief for your own flaws. So mourn and--in the first beatitude--you were told to become humble, \\\"smaller\\\" in your own eyes, and rely on God.\\nOrdinary activities of life do not bring real joy, not like faith, hope and God's Love do. Daily life may leave you thinking: \\\"If only I had ____\\\" (fill in the blank); it leaves you feeling your regrets, for what has been lost: lost peace, joy, hope -- and you may find yourself with \\\"a broken spirit\\\" -- a hurting attitude about life.\\nRegret your past sins, such as your damages to others -- and the time that you may have been against or ignoring and lacking God's blessing. Forgiving others removes selfishness and the guilt of \\\"self-centered\\\" life.\\nSo He lets you accept forgiveness. Your guilt is removed through God's grace. You are blessed, and you know God is real.\\n1-3. Be unassuming, non-egotistical.\\n\\\"Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.\\\"(Matthew 5:5)\\nHere in the third beatitude (again) there is a word that gives some negative feelings: Meek may imply weak--as in lacking spirit or courage. Be strong but violent, and be able to endure problems with patience-- resenting other people or God, made possible by receiving Christ's Spirit in you.\\nJesus described himself as: \\\"I am meek and gentle.\\\" He was able to handle conflicts, insults, crisis without egotism as in: \\\"He's got it all together\\\".\\nSo He said that the non-aggressors would \\\"inherit the earth\\\"; eventually you receive the unearned gift of being a sister or brother of The King in The Kingdom of Jesus. The recipient of the gift is an heir who, without personal effort, takes control and ownership of property -- your environment -- as you yield control of your existence in Christ to God's ways. Man was to have dominion over the Earth.\\nGod will dwell with you, in harmony and will control the path set in front of you to make it acceptable to God, productive and satisfying in Christ as you follow the path set by The Lord. Remember God will not deny any good thing, but everything is expedient (some personal ventures might not follow the Lord's path).\\n1-4. Seek right ways with an appetite for good.\\n\\\"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.\\\"(Matthew 5:6)\\nMost people imagine themselves pure. You have heard, \\\"I did that to be mean and foolish.\\\" Doing any angry or revengeful act is embarrassing when your mistakes become public.\\nYou need to make righteous choices for your own sake. It makes life easier. The apostle Paul spoke of a dilemma, \\\"I do not fully control my actions. I do not do what I want, but do what I would not do.\\\"\\nGuilt and human nature makes your soul \\\"hunger and thirst\\\" for right choices and habitual righteousness; just like when you say, \\\"I need something to eat and drink, now!\\\" Also, built into you is a hunger to be right. You want to be seen as right.\\nRighteousness is the food and drink of your spiritual health: free from guilt, shame and sin: depend on God's promise to grow his righteousness in you.\\n1-5. Show mercy.\\n\\\"Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.\\\"(Matthew 5:7)\\nYou do not need to use complete sentences in your prayers -- just say \\\"Thank You Lord!\\\"; \\\"Mercy...\\\", or simply talk to Him, \\\"God...\\\" or something like, \\\"Oh, God...\\\". Just be merciful so that He will hear you when you ask for mercy. God is merciful and \\\"will have mercy on whom he will have mercy\\\" (compassion).\\nInhumanity of man against others has always been a force in history. So that the past history reveals selfish, inconsiderate, and cruel -- oppressing habits that cause poverty, slavery, being disinterested in social unrest, not working these things out with generous mercy, but with great indifference instead, not seeing the needs of the hurting.\\nJesus tied your receiving God's mercy with your giving mercy to others. The more mercy you give out, the more you will receive -- \\\"as you sow, so shall you reap.\\\" You see that your mercy brings reward.\\n1-6. Be pure through faith.\\n\\\"Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.\\\"(Matthew 5:8)\\nAre there any popular radio, TV, talk shows, movies that consider purity and chastity as entertainment? Purity is found by concentrating on and dedicating to and seeking to right what is wrong, first in your own life, by God's will and purpose. But realize that Jesus said, \\\"You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.\\\" (Matthew 7:5) -- which points out that one has to not judge others' behaviors, or be a hypocrite.\\nYour loving God will reward you in his presence by spiritual means. So it lets you \\\"see\\\" God, free from the pollution of mixed up desires in thoughts, words and deeds.\\n\\\"Cleanse your mind; clean up your act\\\" and in the fullest sense as God himself removes your desire for impure thinking and impure ways of acting. God purifies your being from the inside.\\n\\\"Seeing\\\" God: knowing him as your Father (by being in His presence) is the blessing promised in this beatitude.\\n1-7. Be a peacemaker\\n\\\"Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called 'the children' of God.\\\"(Matthew 5:9)\\n\\nPeace is a nice idea, as long as you get your way, but it's more than that. It starts at home: Love your wife... -- and have personal peace and love in Jesus. That starts by not returning evil for evil. He said, Turn the other cheek. Do what is asked of you and forgive each other.\\nLove unconditionally--treating the other as one would like to be treated, if the two roles were suddenly reversed: So, be kind to your enemy. Never overreact--just let revenge stop now! Hostility with you -- impossible? No! He empowers you. Peace may be found by doing something as simple as giving a difficult person a nice new pencil, a package of chips or a coupon for a free sandwich, if that makes sense.\\nHis grace is sufficient; pass it on. God \\\"walks\\\" with you, overseeing your life as you walk in his path, handling difficulties for you (\\\"Bless and curse not!\\\") in His own way, and protecting your person, even through the valley of the shadow of death. He continuously sends blessing, both spiritually and materially.\\nYour Father in Heaven can give you what your heart/core desires (deep, right feeling), fulfilling real needsby his grace and through your faith. Peacemaking brings God with His peace and harmony into your life.\\n1-8. Accept persecution.\\n\\\"Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\\\"(Matthew 5:10)\\nSome bad news--\\\"persecutions,\\\" if you are righteous -- but don't worry! You will be blessed with the benefits of the Kingdom of Heaven, if you are harassed because your life is in Christ and his newness of life is in you.\\nWell, you are different -- if you are in Christ. This threatens those who don't understand life's basis: spiritual life. You have put God first, and so your outlook seems to be crazy to others, who do not agree. You are just \\\"crazy enough\\\" to have the best in this life and in the life to come.\\n1-9. Accept persecution (meant for Him).\\n\\\"Blessed are you, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you 'falsely,' for my sake.\\\"(Matthew 5: 11) This is like people harshly criticizing (reviling) you because of your calling Jesus Christ the Lord.\\nNo persecution is not the end of this thought; there is still the blessing. There is so much more blessing than the negative part... there is the rejoicing and being very glad.\\n1-10. \\\"Rejoice, and be exceedingly glad:\\nfor great is your reward in Heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.\\\"(Matthew 5: 12)\\nYes, He says you should rejoice because of the fact that you endure problems and troubles with people because you believe and live in His life.\\nSo, rejoice through your troubles and through your weakness--for in Him you are made strong (that's another blessing), and you have a great reward in Heaven.\\nTips\\nEven if you think no one has your back, you're wrong. Think again, and look up. There is a place where everyone has each others backs. Be a lover, not a hater.\\nYou are already guaranteed to be blessed, if you are God's child, man or woman, and even if you \\\"have to crawl,\\\" you'll be all right when you get to Him. That means God always has \\\"your best\\\" in His view...\\nPerhaps you may think of blessings as only physical health, wealth and protection, yet God's blessings are not limited to \\\"things\\\". Surely -- His will, according to scripture, does include helping you to supply your material needs, but also it extends far beyond, even, your greatest hopes and dreams -- including blessing your loved ones and daily life including your dating life, marriage, and family to several generations; it's amazing.\\nWarnings\\nAfter you meet Jesus, and fully realize what he actually did for you -- you can only become an energetic supporter and follower. People who don't like Jesus very much won't like you either... if you follow Him!\\nYet, Jesus and His ways will cause you problems! Perhaps you are called a \\\"Jesus Freak\\\" and \\\"bad mouthed\\\" -- taunted, mocked, kidded, ridiculed, and criticized -- for Jesus' sake by some \\\"unbelievers.\\\" Some people call simple faith irrational, but you know that fearing God is just the beginning of wisdom...\\nIf you take Jesus seriously, and report him favorably -- you are \\\"in for misbehavior\\\" from some people. Why? He is misunderstood by many or most people; however, although He is understood by some others -- they may often choose to shut him out of their daily grind (work, play, school,...). Some people will oppose Him by opposing you. Some people especially, don't believe in praising or glorifying Him or honoring Him or receiving Jesus as one's own Lord, though you can proclaim that \\\"He is Lord of all\\\".\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"God's specific reasons for extra blessings are promised (the original word in the Bible translated to English as \\\"blessed\\\" meant \\\"happy\\\"). This happiness/blessedness is presented in all nine beatitudes, from the fifth chapter of Matthew in The Bible (in the New Testament). Jesus Christ was speaking to his twelve apostles, hundreds of disciples and a crowd listening the best they could.\\nJesus did not say that the first seven blessings were only for one nationality of people or for his followers only. They are open to you or anyone who serves both God and your fellow man. But the eighth blessing (happy outcome) was for those who suffer for Jesus' sake. Each of the eight blessings begin with the word \\\"Blessed\\\", blessed because of your ways of being in the beatitude. The right attitude. An attitude is a clear \\\"point of view.\\\" \\\"The Beatitudes\\\" tell you that God's blessings provide great rewards for the right attitudes that He taught you in the Bible.\\nYes, Jesus said that as you show better attitudes--explained here--then you \\\"will\\\" be blessed in the following ways, as described in the scriptures. He gives His individual gifts of the spirit and even gives the very gift of faith itself to show you His love and presence--all between you and your Father together enjoying each other in both spiritual and physical blessings. Being in God's will opens wide His storehouse of blessings to you to pour out to you--to overflowing...\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Steps\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Humble yourself as Jesus said:\", \"描述\": \"\\\"Blessed are the 'poor in spirit': for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.\\\"(Matthew 5:3) Read this and the other eight blessings for you as they were explained by Jesus, in Matthew 5, which are keys to unlocking such personal blessings.\\nJesus promises that the poor in spirit can enter His Kingdom in this life! The Kingdom of God, Jesus said, \\\"is within you\\\" as Christ \\\"lives there\\\" -- as his presence, his Spirit, can be vital to you. Jesus said that \\\"I must go to my Father\\\"... [and shall] \\\"send you another comforter to abide with you forever.\\\"\\nThe words \\\"poor in spirit\\\" mean not finding special pleasure in yourself/your-life, and though you have been taught to be self-sufficient and proud of your reasoning and independence: still you may become smaller in your own eyes. If you are ready to depend on God's will for your blessings -- not ignoring God and not managing your own life and not making your choices all alone, not to be merely limited by \\\"self\\\", then you are ready to be blessed.\\nWhen you admit your limitations to Him--then you are humble, and God can then move in you and move you into his presence -- in the Kingdom of Heaven -- and begin blessing your life.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Repent, be sorry for your bad deeds, accept responsibility, and be willing to change for the better.\", \"描述\": \"\\\"Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.\\\"(Matthew 5:4)\\nIn this beatitude Jesus puts value on grief and repentance evidently that would be helping the suffering of others and grief for your own flaws. So mourn and--in the first beatitude--you were told to become humble, \\\"smaller\\\" in your own eyes, and rely on God.\\nOrdinary activities of life do not bring real joy, not like faith, hope and God's Love do. Daily life may leave you thinking: \\\"If only I had ____\\\" (fill in the blank); it leaves you feeling your regrets, for what has been lost: lost peace, joy, hope -- and you may find yourself with \\\"a broken spirit\\\" -- a hurting attitude about life.\\nRegret your past sins, such as your damages to others -- and the time that you may have been against or ignoring and lacking God's blessing. Forgiving others removes selfishness and the guilt of \\\"self-centered\\\" life.\\nSo He lets you accept forgiveness. Your guilt is removed through God's grace. You are blessed, and you know God is real.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be unassuming, non-egotistical.\", \"描述\": \"\\\"Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.\\\"(Matthew 5:5)\\nHere in the third beatitude (again) there is a word that gives some negative feelings: Meek may imply weak--as in lacking spirit or courage. Be strong but violent, and be able to endure problems with patience-- resenting other people or God, made possible by receiving Christ's Spirit in you.\\nJesus described himself as: \\\"I am meek and gentle.\\\" He was able to handle conflicts, insults, crisis without egotism as in: \\\"He's got it all together\\\".\\nSo He said that the non-aggressors would \\\"inherit the earth\\\"; eventually you receive the unearned gift of being a sister or brother of The King in The Kingdom of Jesus. The recipient of the gift is an heir who, without personal effort, takes control and ownership of property -- your environment -- as you yield control of your existence in Christ to God's ways. Man was to have dominion over the Earth.\\nGod will dwell with you, in harmony and will control the path set in front of you to make it acceptable to God, productive and satisfying in Christ as you follow the path set by The Lord. Remember God will not deny any good thing, but everything is expedient (some personal ventures might not follow the Lord's path).\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Seek right ways with an appetite for good.\", \"描述\": \"\\\"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.\\\"(Matthew 5:6)\\nMost people imagine themselves pure. You have heard, \\\"I did that to be mean and foolish.\\\" Doing any angry or revengeful act is embarrassing when your mistakes become public.\\nYou need to make righteous choices for your own sake. It makes life easier. The apostle Paul spoke of a dilemma, \\\"I do not fully control my actions. I do not do what I want, but do what I would not do.\\\"\\nGuilt and human nature makes your soul \\\"hunger and thirst\\\" for right choices and habitual righteousness; just like when you say, \\\"I need something to eat and drink, now!\\\" Also, built into you is a hunger to be right. You want to be seen as right.\\nRighteousness is the food and drink of your spiritual health: free from guilt, shame and sin: depend on God's promise to grow his righteousness in you.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Show mercy.\", \"描述\": \"\\\"Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.\\\"(Matthew 5:7)\\nYou do not need to use complete sentences in your prayers -- just say \\\"Thank You Lord!\\\"; \\\"Mercy...\\\", or simply talk to Him, \\\"God...\\\" or something like, \\\"Oh, God...\\\". Just be merciful so that He will hear you when you ask for mercy. God is merciful and \\\"will have mercy on whom he will have mercy\\\" (compassion).\\nInhumanity of man against others has always been a force in history. So that the past history reveals selfish, inconsiderate, and cruel -- oppressing habits that cause poverty, slavery, being disinterested in social unrest, not working these things out with generous mercy, but with great indifference instead, not seeing the needs of the hurting.\\nJesus tied your receiving God's mercy with your giving mercy to others. The more mercy you give out, the more you will receive -- \\\"as you sow, so shall you reap.\\\" You see that your mercy brings reward.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Be pure through faith.\", \"描述\": \"\\\"Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.\\\"(Matthew 5:8)\\nAre there any popular radio, TV, talk shows, movies that consider purity and chastity as entertainment? Purity is found by concentrating on and dedicating to and seeking to right what is wrong, first in your own life, by God's will and purpose. But realize that Jesus said, \\\"You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.\\\" (Matthew 7:5) -- which points out that one has to not judge others' behaviors, or be a hypocrite.\\nYour loving God will reward you in his presence by spiritual means. So it lets you \\\"see\\\" God, free from the pollution of mixed up desires in thoughts, words and deeds.\\n\\\"Cleanse your mind; clean up your act\\\" and in the fullest sense as God himself removes your desire for impure thinking and impure ways of acting. God purifies your being from the inside.\\n\\\"Seeing\\\" God: knowing him as your Father (by being in His presence) is the blessing promised in this beatitude.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Be a peacemaker\", \"描述\": \"\\\"Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called 'the children' of God.\\\"(Matthew 5:9)\\n\\nPeace is a nice idea, as long as you get your way, but it's more than that. It starts at home: Love your wife... -- and have personal peace and love in Jesus. That starts by not returning evil for evil. He said, Turn the other cheek. Do what is asked of you and forgive each other.\\nLove unconditionally--treating the other as one would like to be treated, if the two roles were suddenly reversed: So, be kind to your enemy. Never overreact--just let revenge stop now! Hostility with you -- impossible? No! He empowers you. Peace may be found by doing something as simple as giving a difficult person a nice new pencil, a package of chips or a coupon for a free sandwich, if that makes sense.\\nHis grace is sufficient; pass it on. God \\\"walks\\\" with you, overseeing your life as you walk in his path, handling difficulties for you (\\\"Bless and curse not!\\\") in His own way, and protecting your person, even through the valley of the shadow of death. He continuously sends blessing, both spiritually and materially.\\nYour Father in Heaven can give you what your heart/core desires (deep, right feeling), fulfilling real needsby his grace and through your faith. Peacemaking brings God with His peace and harmony into your life.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Accept persecution.\", \"描述\": \"\\\"Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\\\"(Matthew 5:10)\\nSome bad news--\\\"persecutions,\\\" if you are righteous -- but don't worry! You will be blessed with the benefits of the Kingdom of Heaven, if you are harassed because your life is in Christ and his newness of life is in you.\\nWell, you are different -- if you are in Christ. This threatens those who don't understand life's basis: spiritual life. You have put God first, and so your outlook seems to be crazy to others, who do not agree. You are just \\\"crazy enough\\\" to have the best in this life and in the life to come.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Accept persecution (meant for Him).\", \"描述\": \"\\\"Blessed are you, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you 'falsely,' for my sake.\\\"(Matthew 5: 11) This is like people harshly criticizing (reviling) you because of your calling Jesus Christ the Lord.\\nNo persecution is not the end of this thought; there is still the blessing. There is so much more blessing than the negative part... there is the rejoicing and being very glad.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"\\\"Rejoice, and be exceedingly glad:\", \"描述\": \"for great is your reward in Heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.\\\"(Matthew 5: 12)\\nYes, He says you should rejoice because of the fact that you endure problems and troubles with people because you believe and live in His life.\\nSo, rejoice through your troubles and through your weakness--for in Him you are made strong (that's another blessing), and you have a great reward in Heaven.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Even if you think no one has your back, you're wrong. Think again, and look up. There is a place where everyone has each others backs. Be a lover, not a hater.\\n\", \"You are already guaranteed to be blessed, if you are God's child, man or woman, and even if you \\\"have to crawl,\\\" you'll be all right when you get to Him. That means God always has \\\"your best\\\" in His view...\\n\", \"Perhaps you may think of blessings as only physical health, wealth and protection, yet God's blessings are not limited to \\\"things\\\". Surely -- His will, according to scripture, does include helping you to supply your material needs, but also it extends far beyond, even, your greatest hopes and dreams -- including blessing your loved ones and daily life including your dating life, marriage, and family to several generations; it's amazing.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"After you meet Jesus, and fully realize what he actually did for you -- you can only become an energetic supporter and follower. People who don't like Jesus very much won't like you either... if you follow Him!\\n\", \"Yet, Jesus and His ways will cause you problems! Perhaps you are called a \\\"Jesus Freak\\\" and \\\"bad mouthed\\\" -- taunted, mocked, kidded, ridiculed, and criticized -- for Jesus' sake by some \\\"unbelievers.\\\" Some people call simple faith irrational, but you know that fearing God is just the beginning of wisdom...\\n\", \"If you take Jesus seriously, and report him favorably -- you are \\\"in for misbehavior\\\" from some people. Why? He is misunderstood by many or most people; however, although He is understood by some others -- they may often choose to shut him out of their daily grind (work, play, school,...). Some people will oppose Him by opposing you. Some people especially, don't believe in praising or glorifying Him or honoring Him or receiving Jesus as one's own Lord, though you can proclaim that \\\"He is Lord of all\\\".\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,571 | How to Be Body Positive | 1. Focus on health, not weight.
Don't frame your fitness goals in terms of a number you'd want to see on the scale whether you're cooking or going to the gym.
Focus on your health rather than the number on the scale. Remember that you are so much more than your weight, and focus on eating in moderation and getting a good amount of exercise daily by doing things you like, such as biking, walking, dancing, or yoga.
If you want to eat one of those chocolate donuts you love, go for it! You don't need to go to the gym every morning for an hour--unless you want to. Don't restrict yourself, focus on keeping things in moderation, and remember that being healthy is the goal.
2. Embrace your flaws instead of trying to "fix" them.
Every time we glance in the mirror, we see our physical flaws.
Whether it be scars, birthmarks, stretch marks, or freckles--work towards accepting your flaws rather than trying to hide or "fix" them. Accept and embrace your flaws.
Who decides what is ideal and what is not? Body image dissatisfaction is rampant in our society, but it’s based on advertising and sales, not on reality or the person underneath. You get to choose to love your body, not someone else.
3. Give yourself positive affirmations daily.
Give yourself verbal encouragement and reminders on a daily basis.
This may include saying something positive to yourself in the mirror each morning or leaving encouraging sticky notes on your bedside table. These affirmations will give you confidence and give you a more accepting attitude towards your body.
I am getting better and better every day.
I am going to forgive myself for what i've done in the past and move forward.
I am [insert positive word here].
Today will be a productive/great day.
I am grateful each day.
Happiness is a choice, and I choose to be happy today.
4. Find things you love about your body.
Maybe it's your legs, curly hair, or radiant smile.
If it's hard to appreciate everything about your body, start with one thing you love. Or, appreciate your good traits, such as your kind personality, positive attitude, or willingness to help others if you aren't quite ready to appreciate your body.
Find an activity you enjoy doing where you use your body and participate in sports or activities with others that move your body. This can help you improve your body image and appreciate what your body does for you.
5. Take a look at your social media.
Social media can have a big influence on how you see your body.
When you see celebrities who appear "perfect," it's likely they had work done to their body, or their photos have been heavily photoshopped. Unfollow accounts that make you feel crummy and start following accounts that spread positivity.
6. Avoid comparing yourself to others.
People come in all different shapes, sizes, and colors.
Diversity is the spice of life. Consider how monotonous it would be if there was just one way to be beautiful. When you compare yourself to others, you may feel that you don't look your best. Instead, focus on how unique you are. There's nobody on the entire planet just like you!
7. Soak in positive messages.
Through all of the body negativity, there is actually a lot of positive media about body acceptance that isn't too difficult to find these days.
Music, blogs, literature, and other forms of media can all promote body love and acceptance.
8. Buy clothes you feel great in.
Ditch those baggy hoodies that you might've used to hide and cover up your body.
Donate that pair of skinny jeans that don't fit you anymore. Instead, go out and buy some clothing you love, whether it be a skirt, dress, crop top, pair of shorts, or a new bathing suit. Find clothes you feel confident and amazing in.
9. Use social media to encourage others.
Social media is for more than viewing celebrity lives and bodies.
Use your social media to share positivity and body positivity. Try posting a makeup-free selfie, post an inspiring quote on, a bathing suit photo, or use hashtags that encourage self-love and body positivity.
10. Give compliments freely.
Give great, genuine compliments towards others without expecting one back.
Hand out one or more of these compliments to boost others' self esteem and confidence:
"That dress looks amazing on you!" instead of "I like your dress."
"That button-up really suits you. You have great style."
"I adore the outfits you put together. You have good fashion taste."
11. Surround yourself with positive people.
Hang around positive people who make you feel good, and limit the time you spend with negative people.
In a group of positive people, you can encourage and support each other.
Tips
Aim for progress, not perfection.
If you wouldn't say something to your family or friends about their bodies, don't say it about your body.
Brush off negative comments people make about your body.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:23",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Focus on health, not weight.\\nDon't frame your fitness goals in terms of a number you'd want to see on the scale whether you're cooking or going to the gym.\\nFocus on your health rather than the number on the scale. Remember that you are so much more than your weight, and focus on eating in moderation and getting a good amount of exercise daily by doing things you like, such as biking, walking, dancing, or yoga.\\nIf you want to eat one of those chocolate donuts you love, go for it! You don't need to go to the gym every morning for an hour--unless you want to. Don't restrict yourself, focus on keeping things in moderation, and remember that being healthy is the goal.\\n2. Embrace your flaws instead of trying to \\\"fix\\\" them.\\nEvery time we glance in the mirror, we see our physical flaws.\\nWhether it be scars, birthmarks, stretch marks, or freckles--work towards accepting your flaws rather than trying to hide or \\\"fix\\\" them. Accept and embrace your flaws.\\nWho decides what is ideal and what is not? Body image dissatisfaction is rampant in our society, but it’s based on advertising and sales, not on reality or the person underneath. You get to choose to love your body, not someone else.\\n3. Give yourself positive affirmations daily.\\nGive yourself verbal encouragement and reminders on a daily basis.\\nThis may include saying something positive to yourself in the mirror each morning or leaving encouraging sticky notes on your bedside table. These affirmations will give you confidence and give you a more accepting attitude towards your body.\\nI am getting better and better every day.\\nI am going to forgive myself for what i've done in the past and move forward.\\nI am [insert positive word here].\\nToday will be a productive/great day.\\nI am grateful each day.\\nHappiness is a choice, and I choose to be happy today.\\n4. Find things you love about your body.\\nMaybe it's your legs, curly hair, or radiant smile.\\nIf it's hard to appreciate everything about your body, start with one thing you love. Or, appreciate your good traits, such as your kind personality, positive attitude, or willingness to help others if you aren't quite ready to appreciate your body.\\nFind an activity you enjoy doing where you use your body and participate in sports or activities with others that move your body. This can help you improve your body image and appreciate what your body does for you.\\n5. Take a look at your social media.\\nSocial media can have a big influence on how you see your body.\\nWhen you see celebrities who appear \\\"perfect,\\\" it's likely they had work done to their body, or their photos have been heavily photoshopped. Unfollow accounts that make you feel crummy and start following accounts that spread positivity.\\n6. Avoid comparing yourself to others.\\nPeople come in all different shapes, sizes, and colors.\\nDiversity is the spice of life. Consider how monotonous it would be if there was just one way to be beautiful. When you compare yourself to others, you may feel that you don't look your best. Instead, focus on how unique you are. There's nobody on the entire planet just like you!\\n7. Soak in positive messages.\\nThrough all of the body negativity, there is actually a lot of positive media about body acceptance that isn't too difficult to find these days.\\nMusic, blogs, literature, and other forms of media can all promote body love and acceptance.\\n8. Buy clothes you feel great in.\\nDitch those baggy hoodies that you might've used to hide and cover up your body.\\nDonate that pair of skinny jeans that don't fit you anymore. Instead, go out and buy some clothing you love, whether it be a skirt, dress, crop top, pair of shorts, or a new bathing suit. Find clothes you feel confident and amazing in.\\n9. Use social media to encourage others.\\nSocial media is for more than viewing celebrity lives and bodies.\\nUse your social media to share positivity and body positivity. Try posting a makeup-free selfie, post an inspiring quote on, a bathing suit photo, or use hashtags that encourage self-love and body positivity.\\n10. Give compliments freely.\\nGive great, genuine compliments towards others without expecting one back.\\nHand out one or more of these compliments to boost others' self esteem and confidence:\\n\\\"That dress looks amazing on you!\\\" instead of \\\"I like your dress.\\\"\\n\\\"That button-up really suits you. You have great style.\\\"\\n\\\"I adore the outfits you put together. You have good fashion taste.\\\"\\n11. Surround yourself with positive people.\\nHang around positive people who make you feel good, and limit the time you spend with negative people.\\nIn a group of positive people, you can encourage and support each other.\\nTips\\nAim for progress, not perfection.\\nIf you wouldn't say something to your family or friends about their bodies, don't say it about your body.\\nBrush off negative comments people make about your body.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Body positivity is a movement in which someone accepts their body and encourages others to love their bodies. However, if you are not familiar with seeing your body in a positive light, it can be hard. Here, we will show you how to become body positive in this guide for anyone who wants to love their body.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Focus on health, not weight.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Don't frame your fitness goals in terms of a number you'd want to see on the scale whether you're cooking or going to the gym.\", \"描述\": \"Focus on your health rather than the number on the scale. Remember that you are so much more than your weight, and focus on eating in moderation and getting a good amount of exercise daily by doing things you like, such as biking, walking, dancing, or yoga.\\nIf you want to eat one of those chocolate donuts you love, go for it! You don't need to go to the gym every morning for an hour--unless you want to. Don't restrict yourself, focus on keeping things in moderation, and remember that being healthy is the goal.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Embrace your flaws instead of trying to \\\"fix\\\" them.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Every time we glance in the mirror, we see our physical flaws.\", \"描述\": \"Whether it be scars, birthmarks, stretch marks, or freckles--work towards accepting your flaws rather than trying to hide or \\\"fix\\\" them. Accept and embrace your flaws.\\nWho decides what is ideal and what is not? Body image dissatisfaction is rampant in our society, but it’s based on advertising and sales, not on reality or the person underneath. You get to choose to love your body, not someone else.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Give yourself positive affirmations daily.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Give yourself verbal encouragement and reminders on a daily basis.\", \"描述\": \"This may include saying something positive to yourself in the mirror each morning or leaving encouraging sticky notes on your bedside table. These affirmations will give you confidence and give you a more accepting attitude towards your body.\\nI am getting better and better every day.\\nI am going to forgive myself for what i've done in the past and move forward.\\nI am [insert positive word here].\\nToday will be a productive/great day.\\nI am grateful each day.\\nHappiness is a choice, and I choose to be happy today.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Find things you love about your body.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Maybe it's your legs, curly hair, or radiant smile.\", \"描述\": \"If it's hard to appreciate everything about your body, start with one thing you love. Or, appreciate your good traits, such as your kind personality, positive attitude, or willingness to help others if you aren't quite ready to appreciate your body.\\nFind an activity you enjoy doing where you use your body and participate in sports or activities with others that move your body. This can help you improve your body image and appreciate what your body does for you.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Take a look at your social media.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Social media can have a big influence on how you see your body.\", \"描述\": \"When you see celebrities who appear \\\"perfect,\\\" it's likely they had work done to their body, or their photos have been heavily photoshopped. Unfollow accounts that make you feel crummy and start following accounts that spread positivity.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Avoid comparing yourself to others.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"People come in all different shapes, sizes, and colors.\", \"描述\": \"Diversity is the spice of life. Consider how monotonous it would be if there was just one way to be beautiful. When you compare yourself to others, you may feel that you don't look your best. Instead, focus on how unique you are. There's nobody on the entire planet just like you!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Soak in positive messages.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Through all of the body negativity, there is actually a lot of positive media about body acceptance that isn't too difficult to find these days.\", \"描述\": \"Music, blogs, literature, and other forms of media can all promote body love and acceptance.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Buy clothes you feel great in.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Ditch those baggy hoodies that you might've used to hide and cover up your body.\", \"描述\": \"Donate that pair of skinny jeans that don't fit you anymore. Instead, go out and buy some clothing you love, whether it be a skirt, dress, crop top, pair of shorts, or a new bathing suit. Find clothes you feel confident and amazing in.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Use social media to encourage others.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Social media is for more than viewing celebrity lives and bodies.\", \"描述\": \"Use your social media to share positivity and body positivity. Try posting a makeup-free selfie, post an inspiring quote on, a bathing suit photo, or use hashtags that encourage self-love and body positivity.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Give compliments freely.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Give great, genuine compliments towards others without expecting one back.\", \"描述\": \"Hand out one or more of these compliments to boost others' self esteem and confidence:\\n\\\"That dress looks amazing on you!\\\" instead of \\\"I like your dress.\\\"\\n\\\"That button-up really suits you. You have great style.\\\"\\n\\\"I adore the outfits you put together. You have good fashion taste.\\\"\"}]}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Surround yourself with positive people.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Hang around positive people who make you feel good, and limit the time you spend with negative people.\", \"描述\": \"In a group of positive people, you can encourage and support each other.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Aim for progress, not perfection.\\n\", \"If you wouldn't say something to your family or friends about their bodies, don't say it about your body.\\n\", \"Brush off negative comments people make about your body.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,572 | How to Be Bohemian | 1. Dressing Bohemian
1-1. Have a couple go-to maxi skirts.
You can make a lot of different bohemian outfits with a simple, solid neutral-colored long skirt. Make sure to get maxi skirts that are made of a flowy, stretchy material that isn't too thick or heavy.
Try pairing your skirt with a graphic t-shirt and some gladiator sandals.
1-2. Put on a flowy printed dress.
Bohemian clothes are often characterized by bright colors and fun patterns. Find a dress that's made of a loose, light material that moves gracefully in the wind that also has a cool print. Floral and aztec patterns are best.
Pair your printed dress with a denim vest and some booties.
1-3. Wear neutral-colored suede booties.
Throw on a pair of slouchy, distressed ankle boots to add a little bohemian flair to your outfit. Booties are versatile and can be an attractive addition to many different outfits.
Try pairing your ankle boots with a vibrant high-low dress or tucking your jeans into them.
1-4. Have a variety of bold headbands and headwraps.
Head pieces make the perfect bohemian accessories. Get a few thin and thick ones with varying colors and patterns so that you have a fun bohemian headband or headwrap for every outfit.
Trade the headband for a flower crown if you're feeling bold.
1-5. Get a few pairs of gladiator sandals.
This type of sandal is both comfortable and fashionable, and definitely gives off a bohemian vibe. Make sure to go with a sandal that's easy to slip on and off to ensure comfort and versatility.
Change it up with a pair of knee-high or high heel gladiator sandals.
1-6. Wear round sunglasses.
Head to the store and pick out a pair of sunglasses that have perfectly circular lenses. These give off an old school hippie vibe that's perfect for achieving a bohemian look. Take it up a notch with some shiny, bright-colored yellow or blue lenses.
1-7. Show your midriff.
Letting a little skin show is the bohemian way. Put on a pair of distressed denim high-waisted shorts with a crocheted bralette or crop top.
2. Thinking and Acting Bohemian
2-1. Create art.
Bohemians hold the creation of art above all other pursuits. Many bohemians would quit their day job and move into a tiny studio apartment filled with paints if that's what it took to stay true to their artistic selves. Express yourself in whatever artistic form speaks to you, whether that's drawing, dancing, songwriting, sewing, or something else creative.
2-2. Reject materialism.
To truly be bohemian, try not to focus so much on the “things” in your life, such as your car or your laptop. Historically, bohemians hardly owned anything privately or permanently at all, even homes. Prioritize your experiences, art, and relationships above your physical possessions.
2-3. Question the rules and popular opinions of society.
Bohemians typically don't see the need to have or follow strict rules, and they don't believe in something just because others do. Ask yourself why you believe what you believe. Educate yourself on different political stances and religions in order to keep your mind open.
2-4. Stay true to yourself.
Bohemians often refuse to conform to others' likes and expectations. Instead of spending your time doing what other people do out of habit or ease, really try to discover the things you love and invest in those things.
Listen to the music, read the books, and wear the clothes that you like and enjoy.
2-5. Live for the moment.
Bohemians don't get caught up in the future or the past. Do your best to be present in each moment, live without regrets, and make the most of each day.
If something goes wrong or you find yourself worried, don't stress or panic. Try to gain some perspective and calmly try to solve the problem.
Take time for yourself. Pick flowers, keep a journal, go for walks, or garden.
3. Having a Bohemian Home
3-1. Decorate your home with multicultural items.
Embellish your communal areas with exotic poufs, lanterns, rugs, and pillows. This will bring a worldly, bohemian feel to your home.
3-2. Prioritize comfort.
Historically, bohemians were seen as carefree, relaxed, and even somewhat idle. Embrace the lounging mentality by getting furniture that's comfy.
Consider purchasing a Moroccan-style day bed where you can lounge all day.
3-3. Incorporate a lot of textiles into your decor.
Since you're going for a bohemian feel, there's really not a limit to how many colors and patterns you can incorporate into your home decor. Try to mix some ikat or kuba cloth into your decor.
3-4. Keep plants in your home.
Try to keep plant life in every room of your home. This will give your guests a natural, earthy vibe that's consistent with the bohemian spirit.
If you don't want to bother with taking care of plants, consider getting pillows, throw blankets, drapes, and other decorative items that have botanical prints.
Tips
To get a better understanding of the history of the bohemian lifestyle, consider reading La Boheme and watching the musical RENT.
Do not forget that your hairstyle and makeup should go with your clothing. Wear your hair in natural waves or style it in an intricate braid or messy top knot. You can either go for a no-makeup look or wear dramatic cat-eyeliner and red lipstick.
Try shopping at ethnic/vintage stores or flea-markets if you are looking to create a truly Bohemian style. Look for items with originality and steer away from gimmicky, clichéd pieces.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:23",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Dressing Bohemian\\n1-1. Have a couple go-to maxi skirts.\\nYou can make a lot of different bohemian outfits with a simple, solid neutral-colored long skirt. Make sure to get maxi skirts that are made of a flowy, stretchy material that isn't too thick or heavy.\\nTry pairing your skirt with a graphic t-shirt and some gladiator sandals.\\n1-2. Put on a flowy printed dress.\\nBohemian clothes are often characterized by bright colors and fun patterns. Find a dress that's made of a loose, light material that moves gracefully in the wind that also has a cool print. Floral and aztec patterns are best.\\nPair your printed dress with a denim vest and some booties.\\n1-3. Wear neutral-colored suede booties.\\nThrow on a pair of slouchy, distressed ankle boots to add a little bohemian flair to your outfit. Booties are versatile and can be an attractive addition to many different outfits.\\nTry pairing your ankle boots with a vibrant high-low dress or tucking your jeans into them.\\n1-4. Have a variety of bold headbands and headwraps.\\nHead pieces make the perfect bohemian accessories. Get a few thin and thick ones with varying colors and patterns so that you have a fun bohemian headband or headwrap for every outfit.\\nTrade the headband for a flower crown if you're feeling bold.\\n1-5. Get a few pairs of gladiator sandals.\\nThis type of sandal is both comfortable and fashionable, and definitely gives off a bohemian vibe. Make sure to go with a sandal that's easy to slip on and off to ensure comfort and versatility.\\nChange it up with a pair of knee-high or high heel gladiator sandals.\\n1-6. Wear round sunglasses.\\nHead to the store and pick out a pair of sunglasses that have perfectly circular lenses. These give off an old school hippie vibe that's perfect for achieving a bohemian look. Take it up a notch with some shiny, bright-colored yellow or blue lenses.\\n1-7. Show your midriff.\\nLetting a little skin show is the bohemian way. Put on a pair of distressed denim high-waisted shorts with a crocheted bralette or crop top.\\n2. Thinking and Acting Bohemian\\n2-1. Create art.\\nBohemians hold the creation of art above all other pursuits. Many bohemians would quit their day job and move into a tiny studio apartment filled with paints if that's what it took to stay true to their artistic selves. Express yourself in whatever artistic form speaks to you, whether that's drawing, dancing, songwriting, sewing, or something else creative.\\n2-2. Reject materialism.\\nTo truly be bohemian, try not to focus so much on the “things” in your life, such as your car or your laptop. Historically, bohemians hardly owned anything privately or permanently at all, even homes. Prioritize your experiences, art, and relationships above your physical possessions.\\n2-3. Question the rules and popular opinions of society.\\nBohemians typically don't see the need to have or follow strict rules, and they don't believe in something just because others do. Ask yourself why you believe what you believe. Educate yourself on different political stances and religions in order to keep your mind open.\\n2-4. Stay true to yourself.\\nBohemians often refuse to conform to others' likes and expectations. Instead of spending your time doing what other people do out of habit or ease, really try to discover the things you love and invest in those things.\\nListen to the music, read the books, and wear the clothes that you like and enjoy.\\n2-5. Live for the moment.\\nBohemians don't get caught up in the future or the past. Do your best to be present in each moment, live without regrets, and make the most of each day.\\nIf something goes wrong or you find yourself worried, don't stress or panic. Try to gain some perspective and calmly try to solve the problem.\\nTake time for yourself. Pick flowers, keep a journal, go for walks, or garden.\\n3. Having a Bohemian Home\\n3-1. Decorate your home with multicultural items.\\nEmbellish your communal areas with exotic poufs, lanterns, rugs, and pillows. This will bring a worldly, bohemian feel to your home.\\n3-2. Prioritize comfort.\\nHistorically, bohemians were seen as carefree, relaxed, and even somewhat idle. Embrace the lounging mentality by getting furniture that's comfy.\\nConsider purchasing a Moroccan-style day bed where you can lounge all day.\\n3-3. Incorporate a lot of textiles into your decor.\\nSince you're going for a bohemian feel, there's really not a limit to how many colors and patterns you can incorporate into your home decor. Try to mix some ikat or kuba cloth into your decor.\\n3-4. Keep plants in your home.\\nTry to keep plant life in every room of your home. This will give your guests a natural, earthy vibe that's consistent with the bohemian spirit.\\nIf you don't want to bother with taking care of plants, consider getting pillows, throw blankets, drapes, and other decorative items that have botanical prints.\\nTips\\nTo get a better understanding of the history of the bohemian lifestyle, consider reading La Boheme and watching the musical RENT.\\nDo not forget that your hairstyle and makeup should go with your clothing. Wear your hair in natural waves or style it in an intricate braid or messy top knot. You can either go for a no-makeup look or wear dramatic cat-eyeliner and red lipstick.\\nTry shopping at ethnic/vintage stores or flea-markets if you are looking to create a truly Bohemian style. Look for items with originality and steer away from gimmicky, clichéd pieces.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"A bohemian person is someone who lives and acts by a different set of conventional rules and practices than the average person. If this sounds appealing and you're hoping to become more of an artistic free spirit, there are things you can do to make it happen. Embrace the bohemian attitude and style by thinking, acting, dressing, and decorating in a way that promotes creativity and originality.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Dressing Bohemian\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Have a couple go-to maxi skirts.\", \"描述\": \"You can make a lot of different bohemian outfits with a simple, solid neutral-colored long skirt. Make sure to get maxi skirts that are made of a flowy, stretchy material that isn't too thick or heavy.\\nTry pairing your skirt with a graphic t-shirt and some gladiator sandals.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Put on a flowy printed dress.\", \"描述\": \"Bohemian clothes are often characterized by bright colors and fun patterns. Find a dress that's made of a loose, light material that moves gracefully in the wind that also has a cool print. Floral and aztec patterns are best.\\nPair your printed dress with a denim vest and some booties.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Wear neutral-colored suede booties.\", \"描述\": \"Throw on a pair of slouchy, distressed ankle boots to add a little bohemian flair to your outfit. Booties are versatile and can be an attractive addition to many different outfits.\\nTry pairing your ankle boots with a vibrant high-low dress or tucking your jeans into them.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Have a variety of bold headbands and headwraps.\", \"描述\": \"Head pieces make the perfect bohemian accessories. Get a few thin and thick ones with varying colors and patterns so that you have a fun bohemian headband or headwrap for every outfit.\\nTrade the headband for a flower crown if you're feeling bold.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Get a few pairs of gladiator sandals.\", \"描述\": \"This type of sandal is both comfortable and fashionable, and definitely gives off a bohemian vibe. Make sure to go with a sandal that's easy to slip on and off to ensure comfort and versatility.\\nChange it up with a pair of knee-high or high heel gladiator sandals.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Wear round sunglasses.\", \"描述\": \"Head to the store and pick out a pair of sunglasses that have perfectly circular lenses. These give off an old school hippie vibe that's perfect for achieving a bohemian look. Take it up a notch with some shiny, bright-colored yellow or blue lenses.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Show your midriff.\", \"描述\": \"Letting a little skin show is the bohemian way. Put on a pair of distressed denim high-waisted shorts with a crocheted bralette or crop top.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Thinking and Acting Bohemian\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Create art.\", \"描述\": \"Bohemians hold the creation of art above all other pursuits. Many bohemians would quit their day job and move into a tiny studio apartment filled with paints if that's what it took to stay true to their artistic selves. Express yourself in whatever artistic form speaks to you, whether that's drawing, dancing, songwriting, sewing, or something else creative.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Reject materialism.\", \"描述\": \"To truly be bohemian, try not to focus so much on the “things” in your life, such as your car or your laptop. Historically, bohemians hardly owned anything privately or permanently at all, even homes. Prioritize your experiences, art, and relationships above your physical possessions.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Question the rules and popular opinions of society.\", \"描述\": \"Bohemians typically don't see the need to have or follow strict rules, and they don't believe in something just because others do. Ask yourself why you believe what you believe. Educate yourself on different political stances and religions in order to keep your mind open.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Stay true to yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Bohemians often refuse to conform to others' likes and expectations. Instead of spending your time doing what other people do out of habit or ease, really try to discover the things you love and invest in those things.\\nListen to the music, read the books, and wear the clothes that you like and enjoy.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Live for the moment.\", \"描述\": \"Bohemians don't get caught up in the future or the past. Do your best to be present in each moment, live without regrets, and make the most of each day.\\nIf something goes wrong or you find yourself worried, don't stress or panic. Try to gain some perspective and calmly try to solve the problem.\\nTake time for yourself. Pick flowers, keep a journal, go for walks, or garden.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Having a Bohemian Home\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Decorate your home with multicultural items.\", \"描述\": \"Embellish your communal areas with exotic poufs, lanterns, rugs, and pillows. This will bring a worldly, bohemian feel to your home.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Prioritize comfort.\", \"描述\": \"Historically, bohemians were seen as carefree, relaxed, and even somewhat idle. Embrace the lounging mentality by getting furniture that's comfy.\\nConsider purchasing a Moroccan-style day bed where you can lounge all day.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Incorporate a lot of textiles into your decor.\", \"描述\": \"Since you're going for a bohemian feel, there's really not a limit to how many colors and patterns you can incorporate into your home decor. Try to mix some ikat or kuba cloth into your decor.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Keep plants in your home.\", \"描述\": \"Try to keep plant life in every room of your home. This will give your guests a natural, earthy vibe that's consistent with the bohemian spirit.\\nIf you don't want to bother with taking care of plants, consider getting pillows, throw blankets, drapes, and other decorative items that have botanical prints.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"To get a better understanding of the history of the bohemian lifestyle, consider reading La Boheme and watching the musical RENT.\\n\", \"Do not forget that your hairstyle and makeup should go with your clothing. Wear your hair in natural waves or style it in an intricate braid or messy top knot. You can either go for a no-makeup look or wear dramatic cat-eyeliner and red lipstick.\\n\", \"Try shopping at ethnic/vintage stores or flea-markets if you are looking to create a truly Bohemian style. Look for items with originality and steer away from gimmicky, clichéd pieces.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,573 | How to Be Bold | 1. Acting Bold
1-1. Stop hesitating and take action.
Is there something you've been wanting or trying to do, but can't seem to get the courage up? Whether it's asking an acquaintance out for a drink, apologizing to a loved one after a long period of misunderstanding, or simply being friendly to a co-worker, stop thinking about acting and actually do something. Taking the first small step towards trying something new can give you the energy to keep going.
Boldness is the opposite of hesitation. Whenever you're feeling hesitant in interactions with others, or in making a decision for yourself, learn to swallow your pride and make the first move.
1-2. Do the unexpected.
Bold people aren't afraid of trying new things, and one of the reasons they're so exciting to be around is that they keep you guessing. This could be something new for you, like salsa dancing or learning to water ski. Whatever you do, be sure to do it for yourself, not other people.
Doing something new and unexpected might make you vulnerable or afraid. Don't give in to those feelings. Instead, accept the newness of the skill and don't be afraid to be yourself.
1-3. Rediscover who you are.
Ultimately, boldness has to do with understanding your strengths and weaknesses, then moving beyond them. Don't try to hide your problems or failures, but accept them as part of you. This will allow you to confidently move forward, appreciating your uniqueness.
It will be easier to find things you're passionate about if you stop worrying about the "right" thing to do. Instead, give yourself permission to be honest and curious about what you do and don't enjoy.
Realize that you don't have to do random, uncharacteristic things to discover who you are. Avoid making any uncharacteristic changes just to shock people. Be honest with yourself.
1-4. Pretend you're already bold.
If you were to switch places with somebody you admire for their assertiveness and boldness, what would they do in your shoes? If you already know someone who's bold, imagine how they'd act.
Your bold inspiration doesn't have to be real. You could even think of a character from a movie or book who's daring and brave. Then, imagine their boldness in your life.
1-5. Be willing to say no.
If someone asks you to do something you don't want to do, refuse. Saying "No" will reinvigorate your individuality and help you to feel bold, ensuring that you're ready and willing to go out and get what you want. Don't feel like you have to make up an excuse or explanation. People will have to learn to respect your honesty and boldness, and you'll be getting what you want.
Realize that if you do commit to doing something, you should follow through. Your sense of self-respect will grow, as will other people's respect for you.
1-6. Follow through on your plans.
It's not enough to simply say you're going to do something, you actually have to do it or people think of you as a flake. When your word is good and you follow through with actions, people will trust you and look upon you as a bold, reliable, complicated person.
If you agreed to do something you really don't wish to do, you should probably just follow through with it because you gave your word. Next time, remember to say no and assert yourself.
2. Getting What You Want
2-1. Ask for what you want.
Rather than waiting to be recognized for your efforts, or expecting someone to consider your needs, step up and ask. This doesn't mean you should demand what you want or be aggressive. Instead, confidently and tactfully choose your words.
Don't confuse being bold with being aggressive. Aggressiveness often involves imposing your viewpoints or actions on others. Boldness has nothing to do with the people around you. It's about overcoming your fears and taking action.
2-2. Negotiate
The phrase "What can you do for me?" is an easy and powerful way to throw the onus of responsibility back on the person you're negotiating with. Even if the initial answer is "no," keep the window of opportunity open as long as possible to give them an opportunity to change their mind.
Plan out counter-offers before you start negotiating. If you think your boss will reject your request for time off because there's no one to fill your place, say you'll double-up a shift when you get back, or that you'll complete tasks remotely when you have free time.
2-3. Offer two choices.
One of the best ways to get what you want is to simplify the number of solutions to a given problem. This ensures you'll get what you want.
Even if there are an unlimited number of possibilities for a given problem, limit them to the solutions that work for you. This will cut down on the amount of hassle that goes into the solution and ensure that the outcome is what you want.
2-4. Take risks and create opportunities.
There's a difference between being reckless and accepting risks. Reckless people don't accept risks because they don't even think about them. A bold person, on the other hand, has learned about the risks, and decided to go through with the decision anyway, ready and willing to accept the consequences if things don't work out.
Inaction or hesitation is often a kind of risk, because you're risking missing an opportunity. This is a risk to avoid, however. Your goal is to create your best chance of success, not whittle away at your window of opportunity. When you've made the choice to act, do it without fear.
2-5. Ask questions.
There's nothing bold about blundering into a situation you're ignorant about and not listening to advice. If you're unclear about an assignment or about a topic at work or school, boldness is being willing to admit that you're confused and asking for clarification.
Don't be afraid to take the bold step of getting help. If someone is unhelpful, find another person. This persistence to find the answers shows boldness on your part.
2-6. Accept any outcome.
While there's power in taking on something new or trying to get what you want, there's also the chance you may fail. Embrace the failure. It's not the opposite of success, it's a necessary component. Without the risk of failure, you don't have the opportunity for success.
Don't worry about rejection. This requires some emotional detachment from the outcome. Don't let a rejection destroy your self-confidence and ability to be bold.
Tips
Don't let people knock you down when trying new things. They are usually the kind of people that wish they were bold but don't have the courage to do what you are doing.
You don't need to be fearless to be bold. Let people know that you're afraid but move forward, keep going and don't look back.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:23",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Acting Bold\\n1-1. Stop hesitating and take action.\\nIs there something you've been wanting or trying to do, but can't seem to get the courage up? Whether it's asking an acquaintance out for a drink, apologizing to a loved one after a long period of misunderstanding, or simply being friendly to a co-worker, stop thinking about acting and actually do something. Taking the first small step towards trying something new can give you the energy to keep going.\\nBoldness is the opposite of hesitation. Whenever you're feeling hesitant in interactions with others, or in making a decision for yourself, learn to swallow your pride and make the first move.\\n1-2. Do the unexpected.\\nBold people aren't afraid of trying new things, and one of the reasons they're so exciting to be around is that they keep you guessing. This could be something new for you, like salsa dancing or learning to water ski. Whatever you do, be sure to do it for yourself, not other people.\\nDoing something new and unexpected might make you vulnerable or afraid. Don't give in to those feelings. Instead, accept the newness of the skill and don't be afraid to be yourself.\\n1-3. Rediscover who you are.\\nUltimately, boldness has to do with understanding your strengths and weaknesses, then moving beyond them. Don't try to hide your problems or failures, but accept them as part of you. This will allow you to confidently move forward, appreciating your uniqueness.\\nIt will be easier to find things you're passionate about if you stop worrying about the \\\"right\\\" thing to do. Instead, give yourself permission to be honest and curious about what you do and don't enjoy.\\nRealize that you don't have to do random, uncharacteristic things to discover who you are. Avoid making any uncharacteristic changes just to shock people. Be honest with yourself.\\n1-4. Pretend you're already bold.\\nIf you were to switch places with somebody you admire for their assertiveness and boldness, what would they do in your shoes? If you already know someone who's bold, imagine how they'd act.\\nYour bold inspiration doesn't have to be real. You could even think of a character from a movie or book who's daring and brave. Then, imagine their boldness in your life.\\n1-5. Be willing to say no.\\nIf someone asks you to do something you don't want to do, refuse. Saying \\\"No\\\" will reinvigorate your individuality and help you to feel bold, ensuring that you're ready and willing to go out and get what you want. Don't feel like you have to make up an excuse or explanation. People will have to learn to respect your honesty and boldness, and you'll be getting what you want.\\nRealize that if you do commit to doing something, you should follow through. Your sense of self-respect will grow, as will other people's respect for you.\\n1-6. Follow through on your plans.\\nIt's not enough to simply say you're going to do something, you actually have to do it or people think of you as a flake. When your word is good and you follow through with actions, people will trust you and look upon you as a bold, reliable, complicated person.\\nIf you agreed to do something you really don't wish to do, you should probably just follow through with it because you gave your word. Next time, remember to say no and assert yourself.\\n2. Getting What You Want\\n2-1. Ask for what you want.\\nRather than waiting to be recognized for your efforts, or expecting someone to consider your needs, step up and ask. This doesn't mean you should demand what you want or be aggressive. Instead, confidently and tactfully choose your words.\\nDon't confuse being bold with being aggressive. Aggressiveness often involves imposing your viewpoints or actions on others. Boldness has nothing to do with the people around you. It's about overcoming your fears and taking action.\\n2-2. Negotiate\\nThe phrase \\\"What can you do for me?\\\" is an easy and powerful way to throw the onus of responsibility back on the person you're negotiating with. Even if the initial answer is \\\"no,\\\" keep the window of opportunity open as long as possible to give them an opportunity to change their mind.\\nPlan out counter-offers before you start negotiating. If you think your boss will reject your request for time off because there's no one to fill your place, say you'll double-up a shift when you get back, or that you'll complete tasks remotely when you have free time.\\n2-3. Offer two choices.\\nOne of the best ways to get what you want is to simplify the number of solutions to a given problem. This ensures you'll get what you want.\\nEven if there are an unlimited number of possibilities for a given problem, limit them to the solutions that work for you. This will cut down on the amount of hassle that goes into the solution and ensure that the outcome is what you want.\\n2-4. Take risks and create opportunities.\\nThere's a difference between being reckless and accepting risks. Reckless people don't accept risks because they don't even think about them. A bold person, on the other hand, has learned about the risks, and decided to go through with the decision anyway, ready and willing to accept the consequences if things don't work out.\\nInaction or hesitation is often a kind of risk, because you're risking missing an opportunity. This is a risk to avoid, however. Your goal is to create your best chance of success, not whittle away at your window of opportunity. When you've made the choice to act, do it without fear.\\n2-5. Ask questions.\\nThere's nothing bold about blundering into a situation you're ignorant about and not listening to advice. If you're unclear about an assignment or about a topic at work or school, boldness is being willing to admit that you're confused and asking for clarification.\\nDon't be afraid to take the bold step of getting help. If someone is unhelpful, find another person. This persistence to find the answers shows boldness on your part.\\n2-6. Accept any outcome.\\nWhile there's power in taking on something new or trying to get what you want, there's also the chance you may fail. Embrace the failure. It's not the opposite of success, it's a necessary component. Without the risk of failure, you don't have the opportunity for success.\\nDon't worry about rejection. This requires some emotional detachment from the outcome. Don't let a rejection destroy your self-confidence and ability to be bold.\\nTips\\nDon't let people knock you down when trying new things. They are usually the kind of people that wish they were bold but don't have the courage to do what you are doing.\\nYou don't need to be fearless to be bold. Let people know that you're afraid but move forward, keep going and don't look back.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Is your self-confidence dwindling? Maybe you're just tired and frustrated of waiting around for something good to happen. The wait is over. Practice having a bold confident mindset, create opportunities for yourself, and learn how to get what you want.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Acting Bold\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Stop hesitating and take action.\", \"描述\": \"Is there something you've been wanting or trying to do, but can't seem to get the courage up? Whether it's asking an acquaintance out for a drink, apologizing to a loved one after a long period of misunderstanding, or simply being friendly to a co-worker, stop thinking about acting and actually do something. Taking the first small step towards trying something new can give you the energy to keep going.\\nBoldness is the opposite of hesitation. Whenever you're feeling hesitant in interactions with others, or in making a decision for yourself, learn to swallow your pride and make the first move.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Do the unexpected.\", \"描述\": \"Bold people aren't afraid of trying new things, and one of the reasons they're so exciting to be around is that they keep you guessing. This could be something new for you, like salsa dancing or learning to water ski. Whatever you do, be sure to do it for yourself, not other people.\\nDoing something new and unexpected might make you vulnerable or afraid. Don't give in to those feelings. Instead, accept the newness of the skill and don't be afraid to be yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Rediscover who you are.\", \"描述\": \"Ultimately, boldness has to do with understanding your strengths and weaknesses, then moving beyond them. Don't try to hide your problems or failures, but accept them as part of you. This will allow you to confidently move forward, appreciating your uniqueness.\\nIt will be easier to find things you're passionate about if you stop worrying about the \\\"right\\\" thing to do. Instead, give yourself permission to be honest and curious about what you do and don't enjoy.\\nRealize that you don't have to do random, uncharacteristic things to discover who you are. Avoid making any uncharacteristic changes just to shock people. Be honest with yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Pretend you're already bold.\", \"描述\": \"If you were to switch places with somebody you admire for their assertiveness and boldness, what would they do in your shoes? If you already know someone who's bold, imagine how they'd act.\\nYour bold inspiration doesn't have to be real. You could even think of a character from a movie or book who's daring and brave. Then, imagine their boldness in your life.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be willing to say no.\", \"描述\": \"If someone asks you to do something you don't want to do, refuse. Saying \\\"No\\\" will reinvigorate your individuality and help you to feel bold, ensuring that you're ready and willing to go out and get what you want. Don't feel like you have to make up an excuse or explanation. People will have to learn to respect your honesty and boldness, and you'll be getting what you want.\\nRealize that if you do commit to doing something, you should follow through. Your sense of self-respect will grow, as will other people's respect for you.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Follow through on your plans.\", \"描述\": \"It's not enough to simply say you're going to do something, you actually have to do it or people think of you as a flake. When your word is good and you follow through with actions, people will trust you and look upon you as a bold, reliable, complicated person.\\nIf you agreed to do something you really don't wish to do, you should probably just follow through with it because you gave your word. Next time, remember to say no and assert yourself.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Getting What You Want\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Ask for what you want.\", \"描述\": \"Rather than waiting to be recognized for your efforts, or expecting someone to consider your needs, step up and ask. This doesn't mean you should demand what you want or be aggressive. Instead, confidently and tactfully choose your words.\\nDon't confuse being bold with being aggressive. Aggressiveness often involves imposing your viewpoints or actions on others. Boldness has nothing to do with the people around you. It's about overcoming your fears and taking action.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Negotiate\", \"描述\": \"The phrase \\\"What can you do for me?\\\" is an easy and powerful way to throw the onus of responsibility back on the person you're negotiating with. Even if the initial answer is \\\"no,\\\" keep the window of opportunity open as long as possible to give them an opportunity to change their mind.\\nPlan out counter-offers before you start negotiating. If you think your boss will reject your request for time off because there's no one to fill your place, say you'll double-up a shift when you get back, or that you'll complete tasks remotely when you have free time.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Offer two choices.\", \"描述\": \"One of the best ways to get what you want is to simplify the number of solutions to a given problem. This ensures you'll get what you want.\\nEven if there are an unlimited number of possibilities for a given problem, limit them to the solutions that work for you. This will cut down on the amount of hassle that goes into the solution and ensure that the outcome is what you want.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Take risks and create opportunities.\", \"描述\": \"There's a difference between being reckless and accepting risks. Reckless people don't accept risks because they don't even think about them. A bold person, on the other hand, has learned about the risks, and decided to go through with the decision anyway, ready and willing to accept the consequences if things don't work out.\\nInaction or hesitation is often a kind of risk, because you're risking missing an opportunity. This is a risk to avoid, however. Your goal is to create your best chance of success, not whittle away at your window of opportunity. When you've made the choice to act, do it without fear.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Ask questions.\", \"描述\": \"There's nothing bold about blundering into a situation you're ignorant about and not listening to advice. If you're unclear about an assignment or about a topic at work or school, boldness is being willing to admit that you're confused and asking for clarification.\\nDon't be afraid to take the bold step of getting help. If someone is unhelpful, find another person. This persistence to find the answers shows boldness on your part.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Accept any outcome.\", \"描述\": \"While there's power in taking on something new or trying to get what you want, there's also the chance you may fail. Embrace the failure. It's not the opposite of success, it's a necessary component. Without the risk of failure, you don't have the opportunity for success.\\nDon't worry about rejection. This requires some emotional detachment from the outcome. Don't let a rejection destroy your self-confidence and ability to be bold.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Don't let people knock you down when trying new things. They are usually the kind of people that wish they were bold but don't have the courage to do what you are doing.\\n\", \"You don't need to be fearless to be bold. Let people know that you're afraid but move forward, keep going and don't look back.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,574 | How to Be Born Again | 1. Becoming a Christian
1-1. Believe in God and his son Jesus Christ.
Before you can accept Jesus, you must first believe. Christians believe God created the heavens and the earth. When Adam and Eve ate the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, mankind became cursed with original sin. However, God sent down his son Jesus Christ to die for everyone’s sins, granting forgiveness.
John 3:16 reads, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” By believing in Jesus, you can gain eternal life by going to Heaven.
1-2. Accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
As a born again Christian, you will also accept Jesus into your heart as your personal savior. You are acknowledging that Jesus died for your sins and, through him, you are made righteous before God. It’s very easy to accept Jesus! You just need to believe and pray to him, asking him into your heart.
Here’s an example prayer: “Dear Lord Jesus, I know I am a sinner, but you died for those sins. I welcome you into my heart as my personal savior. Thank you for dying for my sins so that I can be forgiven. In your name I pray, Amen.”
You can find many example prayers online.
1-3. Repent for your sins.
Repenting means to feel regret and remorse for your sins. Essentially, you’re acknowledging that you did wrong and are sorry for it. You can repent by telling God in prayer that you know you sinned and are very sorry for it. In the future, do your best to avoid sinning, as part of regret is trying to do better.
Say, “God, I know I have sinned. I am very sorry for the things I’ve done wrong and want to do better through you. Thank you for forgiving all of my mistakes. In the name of Christ I pray, Amen.”
1-4. Join a church if you want a religious community.
Some Christians believe you don't need to join a church to be a born again Christian, while others believe you must. Joining a church can help you learn more about the Bible, connect with other believers, and grow in your faith. It's a good idea to visit a few churches before you pick one to join.
As an alternative, you can watch religious services on TV or online.
1-5. Get baptized by an ordained minister.
You can find a minister at a local church. Baptism is very important for being born again. The minister will dunk you underwater, then bring you back up. It symbolizes passing away and re-emerging from the water a new person. Through it, you are born again.
Mark 16:16 reads, "He that believes and is baptized shall be saved, and he that disbelieves shall be condemned."
How and where you are baptized will depend on your church. You may be baptized in a tub inside the church, or you might be baptized in a lake or other waterway.
Some churches will only baptize you if you are a member. You could join the church, or you could look for a church that does not require membership.
1-6. Receive the Holy Spirit by welcoming Him into your heart.
The Holy Spirit is a comforter sent by God after Jesus left the earth. You will also receive the gifts and fruits of the Holy Spirit, which help you be a stronger Christian. All you need to do to receive the Holy Spirit is to welcome Him into your life, such as through prayer.
Say, “I welcome the Holy Spirit into my life, Amen.”
The 9 fruits of the spirit include love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.
The 9 gifts of the spirit include knowledge, wisdom, prophecy, faith, healing, working miracles, discerning of spirits, speaking in tongues (holy languages), and interpretation of tongues (holy languages).
2. Living Your Life for Jesus
2-1. Avoid giving in to sinful desires.
Everyone sins, but it’s important to try your best to not give in to sin. Do your best to always do the right thing by modeling your actions on Jesus.
Read your Bible and attend church to learn more about how to turn away from sin. For example, don’t lie, steal, cheat, murder, or commit sins of the flesh.
Romans 8:9 reads, “You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature (the flesh), but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you." Remind yourself that you do have control over yourself!
2-2. Ask for forgiveness when you sin.
It’s normal to commit sins, even when you’re trying not to. This is why God offers forgiveness through Jesus! As long as you admit your sin, express regret, and try not to do it again, God will forgive you.
Pray, “God, I know I have sinned again. I’m so sorry and will try my best not to do it again. Thank you for offering forgiveness through Jesus. In Christ’s name I pray, Amen.”
2-3. Humble yourself to Jesus.
Give up your pride and admit that you are small before Jesus. He is “the way, the truth, and the life.” Without Jesus, you are lost. Although you can pray to God without Jesus, you are not "saved" and born again unless you accept Jesus Christ, according to the Christian faith.
John 14:6 reads, “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” You need Jesus in order to gain access to God because you must pray in his name, so recognize his power.
2-4. Volunteer to help others.
In Philippians 1:22, the Bible directs you to have fruitful labor. Volunteering is a great way to achieve this! Plus, you’ll be helping others, which Jesus instructed his disciples to do.
For example, volunteer at a soup kitchen or food bank, visit people who are in the hospital, raise money for the less fortunate, or help out at a shelter.
2-5. Forgive those who have wronged you.
Just as God forgives you, you must forgive others. Don’t carry grudges against people who have hurt you. Instead, offer forgiveness and pray for them.
Say, “God, I forgive Sam for stealing my money. Please give him your mercy.”
2-6. Count your blessings.
Your blessings are all of the good things in your life, such as your family, friends, health, talents, etc. You can count them in your mind or write them down on paper. This helps you recognize all of the great things God has given you, and it helps you keep a positive outlook on life.
For instance, you might keep a gratitude journal! Every day, write down 3-5 things you’re grateful for.
2-7. Remember you are not alone in this world.
Everyone goes through hard times. When you’re struggling with something, you can turn to Jesus! Don’t despair when times are tough because Jesus is walking with you. Rely on your faith to carry you through.
Use prayer to ask for comfort. Say, “Jesus, I need your strength right now.”
Connect with other people in your religious community for support and assistance through your difficult times.
Life won’t all of a sudden get better, but you can use your faith as a comfort.
2-8. Share your beliefs
Most born again Christians want to share their faith with others, welcoming them into the church. Tell others about Jesus and how your faith has helped you, then invite them to come to church with you. However, keep in mind that they may have their own beliefs, which you should respect.
If someone tells you they aren’t interested, don’t press the issue. You wouldn’t want them to push their views on you.
Consider your life as an example for Christ. If you show others how Jesus has blessed you, they may be more open to joining you in church.
You can connect with people of other religions because we have many things in common as human beings.
Do not focus on the fact the other person is not a Christian. Try to find things you share.
Think whether you like the same sports or vacation destinations and have similar career goals or hobbies.
3. Growing Your Faith
3-1. Go to regular church services.
It’s best to go at least once a week, but many churches offer extra services. If you’re new to Christianity, you might choose to go several times a week. Not only will going to church help you learn more about what it means to be Christian, it will also help you find a religious community for yourself.
For example, you might go to church every Sunday morning.
Look for a church where you feel welcome. You can also prioritize finding a church that has groups for people your age.
3-2. Read your Bible at least one day a week.
You can find many translations of the Bible, so choose one that you understand. Make a habit of reading your Bible regularly, such as every Sunday evening. This will help you learn scripture.
You might also choose to work through devotional books, which can help you develop your faith. You can find these in the religious section of the bookstore.
3-3. Join a Bible study group.
Your church may offer a Bible study group, but you can also look for one on a site like Meetup.com. Bible study helps you learn more about the Word of God so you can deepen your faith and live your life according to scripture. Most Bible study groups meet weekly.
Your Bible study group can also be a great place to make friends who share your beliefs!
3-4. Pray often.
Prayer allows you to connect with God, so you should do it at least once a day. However, you might pray several times throughout the day.
Don’t just ask for stuff through prayer. Give God thanks and acknowledge his presence.
For example, “God, thank you for this beautiful sunrise and for giving me another day on this earth,” or “God, I felt your presence today in the doctor’s office. Thank you for giving me strength.”
Tips
Serve God for the betterment of mankind.
Be a witness for Jesus.
Love God and love your neighbor. Also, be kind to your enemy.
Warnings
Jesus said, "Love your enemy and do good to him." So, do not hate, but instead, help others.
Don’t be ashamed of your faith.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:23",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Becoming a Christian\\n1-1. Believe in God and his son Jesus Christ.\\nBefore you can accept Jesus, you must first believe. Christians believe God created the heavens and the earth. When Adam and Eve ate the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, mankind became cursed with original sin. However, God sent down his son Jesus Christ to die for everyone’s sins, granting forgiveness.\\nJohn 3:16 reads, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” By believing in Jesus, you can gain eternal life by going to Heaven.\\n1-2. Accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior.\\nAs a born again Christian, you will also accept Jesus into your heart as your personal savior. You are acknowledging that Jesus died for your sins and, through him, you are made righteous before God. It’s very easy to accept Jesus! You just need to believe and pray to him, asking him into your heart.\\nHere’s an example prayer: “Dear Lord Jesus, I know I am a sinner, but you died for those sins. I welcome you into my heart as my personal savior. Thank you for dying for my sins so that I can be forgiven. In your name I pray, Amen.”\\nYou can find many example prayers online.\\n1-3. Repent for your sins.\\nRepenting means to feel regret and remorse for your sins. Essentially, you’re acknowledging that you did wrong and are sorry for it. You can repent by telling God in prayer that you know you sinned and are very sorry for it. In the future, do your best to avoid sinning, as part of regret is trying to do better.\\nSay, “God, I know I have sinned. I am very sorry for the things I’ve done wrong and want to do better through you. Thank you for forgiving all of my mistakes. In the name of Christ I pray, Amen.”\\n1-4. Join a church if you want a religious community.\\nSome Christians believe you don't need to join a church to be a born again Christian, while others believe you must. Joining a church can help you learn more about the Bible, connect with other believers, and grow in your faith. It's a good idea to visit a few churches before you pick one to join.\\nAs an alternative, you can watch religious services on TV or online.\\n1-5. Get baptized by an ordained minister.\\nYou can find a minister at a local church. Baptism is very important for being born again. The minister will dunk you underwater, then bring you back up. It symbolizes passing away and re-emerging from the water a new person. Through it, you are born again.\\nMark 16:16 reads, \\\"He that believes and is baptized shall be saved, and he that disbelieves shall be condemned.\\\"\\nHow and where you are baptized will depend on your church. You may be baptized in a tub inside the church, or you might be baptized in a lake or other waterway.\\nSome churches will only baptize you if you are a member. You could join the church, or you could look for a church that does not require membership.\\n1-6. Receive the Holy Spirit by welcoming Him into your heart.\\nThe Holy Spirit is a comforter sent by God after Jesus left the earth. You will also receive the gifts and fruits of the Holy Spirit, which help you be a stronger Christian. All you need to do to receive the Holy Spirit is to welcome Him into your life, such as through prayer.\\nSay, “I welcome the Holy Spirit into my life, Amen.”\\nThe 9 fruits of the spirit include love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.\\nThe 9 gifts of the spirit include knowledge, wisdom, prophecy, faith, healing, working miracles, discerning of spirits, speaking in tongues (holy languages), and interpretation of tongues (holy languages).\\n2. Living Your Life for Jesus\\n2-1. Avoid giving in to sinful desires.\\nEveryone sins, but it’s important to try your best to not give in to sin. Do your best to always do the right thing by modeling your actions on Jesus.\\nRead your Bible and attend church to learn more about how to turn away from sin. For example, don’t lie, steal, cheat, murder, or commit sins of the flesh.\\nRomans 8:9 reads, “You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature (the flesh), but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you.\\\" Remind yourself that you do have control over yourself!\\n2-2. Ask for forgiveness when you sin.\\nIt’s normal to commit sins, even when you’re trying not to. This is why God offers forgiveness through Jesus! As long as you admit your sin, express regret, and try not to do it again, God will forgive you.\\nPray, “God, I know I have sinned again. I’m so sorry and will try my best not to do it again. Thank you for offering forgiveness through Jesus. In Christ’s name I pray, Amen.”\\n2-3. Humble yourself to Jesus.\\nGive up your pride and admit that you are small before Jesus. He is “the way, the truth, and the life.” Without Jesus, you are lost. Although you can pray to God without Jesus, you are not \\\"saved\\\" and born again unless you accept Jesus Christ, according to the Christian faith.\\nJohn 14:6 reads, “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” You need Jesus in order to gain access to God because you must pray in his name, so recognize his power.\\n2-4. Volunteer to help others.\\nIn Philippians 1:22, the Bible directs you to have fruitful labor. Volunteering is a great way to achieve this! Plus, you’ll be helping others, which Jesus instructed his disciples to do.\\nFor example, volunteer at a soup kitchen or food bank, visit people who are in the hospital, raise money for the less fortunate, or help out at a shelter.\\n2-5. Forgive those who have wronged you.\\nJust as God forgives you, you must forgive others. Don’t carry grudges against people who have hurt you. Instead, offer forgiveness and pray for them.\\nSay, “God, I forgive Sam for stealing my money. Please give him your mercy.”\\n2-6. Count your blessings.\\nYour blessings are all of the good things in your life, such as your family, friends, health, talents, etc. You can count them in your mind or write them down on paper. This helps you recognize all of the great things God has given you, and it helps you keep a positive outlook on life.\\nFor instance, you might keep a gratitude journal! Every day, write down 3-5 things you’re grateful for.\\n2-7. Remember you are not alone in this world.\\nEveryone goes through hard times. When you’re struggling with something, you can turn to Jesus! Don’t despair when times are tough because Jesus is walking with you. Rely on your faith to carry you through.\\nUse prayer to ask for comfort. Say, “Jesus, I need your strength right now.”\\nConnect with other people in your religious community for support and assistance through your difficult times.\\nLife won’t all of a sudden get better, but you can use your faith as a comfort.\\n2-8. Share your beliefs\\nMost born again Christians want to share their faith with others, welcoming them into the church. Tell others about Jesus and how your faith has helped you, then invite them to come to church with you. However, keep in mind that they may have their own beliefs, which you should respect.\\nIf someone tells you they aren’t interested, don’t press the issue. You wouldn’t want them to push their views on you.\\nConsider your life as an example for Christ. If you show others how Jesus has blessed you, they may be more open to joining you in church.\\nYou can connect with people of other religions because we have many things in common as human beings.\\nDo not focus on the fact the other person is not a Christian. Try to find things you share.\\nThink whether you like the same sports or vacation destinations and have similar career goals or hobbies.\\n3. Growing Your Faith\\n3-1. Go to regular church services.\\nIt’s best to go at least once a week, but many churches offer extra services. If you’re new to Christianity, you might choose to go several times a week. Not only will going to church help you learn more about what it means to be Christian, it will also help you find a religious community for yourself.\\nFor example, you might go to church every Sunday morning.\\nLook for a church where you feel welcome. You can also prioritize finding a church that has groups for people your age.\\n3-2. Read your Bible at least one day a week.\\nYou can find many translations of the Bible, so choose one that you understand. Make a habit of reading your Bible regularly, such as every Sunday evening. This will help you learn scripture.\\nYou might also choose to work through devotional books, which can help you develop your faith. You can find these in the religious section of the bookstore.\\n3-3. Join a Bible study group.\\nYour church may offer a Bible study group, but you can also look for one on a site like Meetup.com. Bible study helps you learn more about the Word of God so you can deepen your faith and live your life according to scripture. Most Bible study groups meet weekly.\\nYour Bible study group can also be a great place to make friends who share your beliefs!\\n3-4. Pray often.\\nPrayer allows you to connect with God, so you should do it at least once a day. However, you might pray several times throughout the day.\\nDon’t just ask for stuff through prayer. Give God thanks and acknowledge his presence.\\nFor example, “God, thank you for this beautiful sunrise and for giving me another day on this earth,” or “God, I felt your presence today in the doctor’s office. Thank you for giving me strength.”\\nTips\\nServe God for the betterment of mankind.\\nBe a witness for Jesus.\\nLove God and love your neighbor. Also, be kind to your enemy.\\nWarnings\\nJesus said, \\\"Love your enemy and do good to him.\\\" So, do not hate, but instead, help others.\\nDon’t be ashamed of your faith.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being born again means giving up your old life to live a new life through Christ Jesus. Becoming a born again Christian might sound difficult, but God has made it easy for his faithful to come to him. By accepting Christ, you can come before God and be born again. If you want to be born again, start by becoming a Christian. Then, live your life for Jesus as best you can. Finally, you can grow your faith by attending church, reading the Bible, and praying.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Becoming a Christian\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Believe in God and his son Jesus Christ.\", \"描述\": \"Before you can accept Jesus, you must first believe. Christians believe God created the heavens and the earth. When Adam and Eve ate the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, mankind became cursed with original sin. However, God sent down his son Jesus Christ to die for everyone’s sins, granting forgiveness.\\nJohn 3:16 reads, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” By believing in Jesus, you can gain eternal life by going to Heaven.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior.\", \"描述\": \"As a born again Christian, you will also accept Jesus into your heart as your personal savior. You are acknowledging that Jesus died for your sins and, through him, you are made righteous before God. It’s very easy to accept Jesus! You just need to believe and pray to him, asking him into your heart.\\nHere’s an example prayer: “Dear Lord Jesus, I know I am a sinner, but you died for those sins. I welcome you into my heart as my personal savior. Thank you for dying for my sins so that I can be forgiven. In your name I pray, Amen.”\\nYou can find many example prayers online.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Repent for your sins.\", \"描述\": \"Repenting means to feel regret and remorse for your sins. Essentially, you’re acknowledging that you did wrong and are sorry for it. You can repent by telling God in prayer that you know you sinned and are very sorry for it. In the future, do your best to avoid sinning, as part of regret is trying to do better.\\nSay, “God, I know I have sinned. I am very sorry for the things I’ve done wrong and want to do better through you. Thank you for forgiving all of my mistakes. In the name of Christ I pray, Amen.”\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Join a church if you want a religious community.\", \"描述\": \"Some Christians believe you don't need to join a church to be a born again Christian, while others believe you must. Joining a church can help you learn more about the Bible, connect with other believers, and grow in your faith. It's a good idea to visit a few churches before you pick one to join.\\nAs an alternative, you can watch religious services on TV or online.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Get baptized by an ordained minister.\", \"描述\": \"You can find a minister at a local church. Baptism is very important for being born again. The minister will dunk you underwater, then bring you back up. It symbolizes passing away and re-emerging from the water a new person. Through it, you are born again.\\nMark 16:16 reads, \\\"He that believes and is baptized shall be saved, and he that disbelieves shall be condemned.\\\"\\nHow and where you are baptized will depend on your church. You may be baptized in a tub inside the church, or you might be baptized in a lake or other waterway.\\nSome churches will only baptize you if you are a member. You could join the church, or you could look for a church that does not require membership.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Receive the Holy Spirit by welcoming Him into your heart.\", \"描述\": \"The Holy Spirit is a comforter sent by God after Jesus left the earth. You will also receive the gifts and fruits of the Holy Spirit, which help you be a stronger Christian. All you need to do to receive the Holy Spirit is to welcome Him into your life, such as through prayer.\\nSay, “I welcome the Holy Spirit into my life, Amen.”\\nThe 9 fruits of the spirit include love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.\\nThe 9 gifts of the spirit include knowledge, wisdom, prophecy, faith, healing, working miracles, discerning of spirits, speaking in tongues (holy languages), and interpretation of tongues (holy languages).\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Living Your Life for Jesus\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Avoid giving in to sinful desires.\", \"描述\": \"Everyone sins, but it’s important to try your best to not give in to sin. Do your best to always do the right thing by modeling your actions on Jesus.\\nRead your Bible and attend church to learn more about how to turn away from sin. For example, don’t lie, steal, cheat, murder, or commit sins of the flesh.\\nRomans 8:9 reads, “You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature (the flesh), but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you.\\\" Remind yourself that you do have control over yourself!\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Ask for forgiveness when you sin.\", \"描述\": \"It’s normal to commit sins, even when you’re trying not to. This is why God offers forgiveness through Jesus! As long as you admit your sin, express regret, and try not to do it again, God will forgive you.\\nPray, “God, I know I have sinned again. I’m so sorry and will try my best not to do it again. Thank you for offering forgiveness through Jesus. In Christ’s name I pray, Amen.”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Humble yourself to Jesus.\", \"描述\": \"Give up your pride and admit that you are small before Jesus. He is “the way, the truth, and the life.” Without Jesus, you are lost. Although you can pray to God without Jesus, you are not \\\"saved\\\" and born again unless you accept Jesus Christ, according to the Christian faith.\\nJohn 14:6 reads, “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” You need Jesus in order to gain access to God because you must pray in his name, so recognize his power.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Volunteer to help others.\", \"描述\": \"In Philippians 1:22, the Bible directs you to have fruitful labor. Volunteering is a great way to achieve this! Plus, you’ll be helping others, which Jesus instructed his disciples to do.\\nFor example, volunteer at a soup kitchen or food bank, visit people who are in the hospital, raise money for the less fortunate, or help out at a shelter.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Forgive those who have wronged you.\", \"描述\": \"Just as God forgives you, you must forgive others. Don’t carry grudges against people who have hurt you. Instead, offer forgiveness and pray for them.\\nSay, “God, I forgive Sam for stealing my money. Please give him your mercy.”\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Count your blessings.\", \"描述\": \"Your blessings are all of the good things in your life, such as your family, friends, health, talents, etc. You can count them in your mind or write them down on paper. This helps you recognize all of the great things God has given you, and it helps you keep a positive outlook on life.\\nFor instance, you might keep a gratitude journal! Every day, write down 3-5 things you’re grateful for.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Remember you are not alone in this world.\", \"描述\": \"Everyone goes through hard times. When you’re struggling with something, you can turn to Jesus! Don’t despair when times are tough because Jesus is walking with you. Rely on your faith to carry you through.\\nUse prayer to ask for comfort. Say, “Jesus, I need your strength right now.”\\nConnect with other people in your religious community for support and assistance through your difficult times.\\nLife won’t all of a sudden get better, but you can use your faith as a comfort.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Share your beliefs\", \"描述\": \"Most born again Christians want to share their faith with others, welcoming them into the church. Tell others about Jesus and how your faith has helped you, then invite them to come to church with you. However, keep in mind that they may have their own beliefs, which you should respect.\\nIf someone tells you they aren’t interested, don’t press the issue. You wouldn’t want them to push their views on you.\\nConsider your life as an example for Christ. If you show others how Jesus has blessed you, they may be more open to joining you in church.\\nYou can connect with people of other religions because we have many things in common as human beings.\\nDo not focus on the fact the other person is not a Christian. Try to find things you share.\\nThink whether you like the same sports or vacation destinations and have similar career goals or hobbies.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Growing Your Faith\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Go to regular church services.\", \"描述\": \"It’s best to go at least once a week, but many churches offer extra services. If you’re new to Christianity, you might choose to go several times a week. Not only will going to church help you learn more about what it means to be Christian, it will also help you find a religious community for yourself.\\nFor example, you might go to church every Sunday morning.\\nLook for a church where you feel welcome. You can also prioritize finding a church that has groups for people your age.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Read your Bible at least one day a week.\", \"描述\": \"You can find many translations of the Bible, so choose one that you understand. Make a habit of reading your Bible regularly, such as every Sunday evening. This will help you learn scripture.\\nYou might also choose to work through devotional books, which can help you develop your faith. You can find these in the religious section of the bookstore.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Join a Bible study group.\", \"描述\": \"Your church may offer a Bible study group, but you can also look for one on a site like Meetup.com. Bible study helps you learn more about the Word of God so you can deepen your faith and live your life according to scripture. Most Bible study groups meet weekly.\\nYour Bible study group can also be a great place to make friends who share your beliefs!\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Pray often.\", \"描述\": \"Prayer allows you to connect with God, so you should do it at least once a day. However, you might pray several times throughout the day.\\nDon’t just ask for stuff through prayer. Give God thanks and acknowledge his presence.\\nFor example, “God, thank you for this beautiful sunrise and for giving me another day on this earth,” or “God, I felt your presence today in the doctor’s office. Thank you for giving me strength.”\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Serve God for the betterment of mankind.\\n\", \"Be a witness for Jesus.\\n\", \"Love God and love your neighbor. Also, be kind to your enemy.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Jesus said, \\\"Love your enemy and do good to him.\\\" So, do not hate, but instead, help others.\\n\", \"Don’t be ashamed of your faith.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
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3,575 | How to Be Both Humble and Confident | 1. Balancing Confidence and Humility
1-1. Improve your self-confidence by making a list of your strengths.
Everybody is good at something, and although it may be hard to see for yourself, you have traits that others don’t have. To value your own self-worth, make a list of talents or skills that you have that you are proud of. Keep this list around to reflect on anytime you are feeling negative about yourself.
Try to write down skills like kindness, being good at directions, being handy, and being a good listener.
1-2. Welcome new ideas and beliefs.
Finding morals and ways of life that you believe in is great, but humbleness means being open to the fact that you might be wrong. Take stock of your own beliefs, like religion, politics, and morals, and research them thoroughly. Make sure you really believe in them for your own reasons and that you are not just following in the footsteps of others.
Many people will have their own biases when they tell you about what they believe in, and that’s okay. Use your own judgment on whether or not to take someone’s opinion seriously.
1-3. Realize that other people will have differing opinions, and that’s okay.
You won’t be able to convince everyone that you know that your opinions are right. Have confidence in knowing that your own beliefs are sound, but stay humble in realizing that other people also have opinions and hold different beliefs. Have discussions with people around you, but don’t expect to convince them of anything.
1-4. Understand that your value does not decrease the value of others.
Having confidence means that you realize your own self-worth, but it does not put you above other people. You are absolutely allowed to love yourself, but do so without putting others down. Recognize that other people are also struggling and trying to find confidence in themselves.
Not everyone is as confident as you are, and they may be on a journey of self-discovery. Remember that you were once doubtful of yourself too.
1-5. Set goals while being content with what you have.
Look for ways to improve your life while still staying thankful for what you have. Think about how your life has changed and improved over the last months or even years. Remind yourself that everything in your life that you have right now was once a goal of yours that you meant to accomplish.
A new living situation, job, or friendships can be goals that you set for yourself in the future.
2. Applying Humble Confidence to Your Relationships
2-1. Surround yourself with positive people.
Negativity breeds negativity, and if you are spending all of your time around people who bring you down, you will eventually stoop to their level. Confidence and humility can’t be met with opposition every time. Try to find peers who like you for who you are and push you toward your goals instead of focusing on your mistakes.
People who also set goals for themselves and try to improve upon themselves are the ones who will push you toward your own goals.
2-2. Make decisions based on your opinions plus the opinions of those close to you.
If you have confidence in yourself, you may think that you know what is right all the time. However, serious life choices, like making a move, accepting a new job, or going back to school can have effects on the people in your life who are close to you. Practice humility by checking in with them and not assuming that you always know the best.
For example, if you have the option of being promoted at work but it means you will be traveling for 3 weeks out of each month, check in with your significant other to see if they are comfortable with this life change.
2-3. Take responsibility for your mistakes.
Everybody messes up sometimes, and being both humble and confident means that you own up to your mistakes. Don’t make a big deal about your mishap or beg for anyone’s forgiveness; instead, apologize to anyone you have wronged and promise to do better in the future.
If you forget a deadline at work, apologize to your boss and coworkers and tell them that you are now keeping a calendar of your deadlines on your computer so that it won’t happen again.
2-4. Show gratitude to those around you.
People do things every day that make your life easier. Your partner making you breakfast, a coworker helping you out with a project, a child doing their homework without you asking. Call attention to people when they do things that help you out. This will show you have the confidence to compliment others and the humbleness to say that they helped you.
Avoid putting other people down. This shows a lack of confidence.
2-5. Offer suggestions instead of commands.
Friends, coworkers, and spouses are much more likely to take your advice seriously if you offer it up as an option instead of something that they have to do. Give them examples of life experiences that you have had while relating them to their struggles or situations.
Instead of saying, “Talk to your boss tomorrow about getting a raise,” try, “When I wanted a raise, I went straight to my boss and showed her that I deserved a pay increase. I made sure to emphasize all the new work I was undertaking and how much I was doing for the company.”
2-6. Avoid bragging about your strengths.
Confidence and humility is a hard balance to strike. Try not to bring up the things you are good at by bragging about them or telling your peers about how much better at something you are than them. Instead, wait until an opportunity arises to demonstrate your strengths.
For example, if you’re good with computers, wait until your coworker comes to you with a computer problem instead of telling them about how good you are with computers.
2-7. Be open to feedback from your peers.
You may think you are doing everything correctly, but your actions could be affecting someone negatively. If a coworker or a friend pulls you aside to gently nudge you in a different direction, don’t be hostile or take it as an attack. Instead, realize that they are trying to help you better yourself.
If you are in a leadership position, you can ask the people you are in charge of for direct feedback.
2-8. Practice compassion and understanding.
Other people are in different stages of life than you and may be going through struggles that differ from yours. Try to understand where they are coming from and practice listening to their problems without passing judgement. Even if your friend or acquaintance makes choices that you don’t agree with, you can still support them by being there for them in their times of need.
If someone is making really bad choices, you can point them out, but they may not listen to you.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:50:23",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Balancing Confidence and Humility\\n1-1. Improve your self-confidence by making a list of your strengths.\\nEverybody is good at something, and although it may be hard to see for yourself, you have traits that others don’t have. To value your own self-worth, make a list of talents or skills that you have that you are proud of. Keep this list around to reflect on anytime you are feeling negative about yourself.\\nTry to write down skills like kindness, being good at directions, being handy, and being a good listener.\\n1-2. Welcome new ideas and beliefs.\\nFinding morals and ways of life that you believe in is great, but humbleness means being open to the fact that you might be wrong. Take stock of your own beliefs, like religion, politics, and morals, and research them thoroughly. Make sure you really believe in them for your own reasons and that you are not just following in the footsteps of others.\\nMany people will have their own biases when they tell you about what they believe in, and that’s okay. Use your own judgment on whether or not to take someone’s opinion seriously.\\n1-3. Realize that other people will have differing opinions, and that’s okay.\\nYou won’t be able to convince everyone that you know that your opinions are right. Have confidence in knowing that your own beliefs are sound, but stay humble in realizing that other people also have opinions and hold different beliefs. Have discussions with people around you, but don’t expect to convince them of anything.\\n1-4. Understand that your value does not decrease the value of others.\\nHaving confidence means that you realize your own self-worth, but it does not put you above other people. You are absolutely allowed to love yourself, but do so without putting others down. Recognize that other people are also struggling and trying to find confidence in themselves.\\nNot everyone is as confident as you are, and they may be on a journey of self-discovery. Remember that you were once doubtful of yourself too.\\n1-5. Set goals while being content with what you have.\\nLook for ways to improve your life while still staying thankful for what you have. Think about how your life has changed and improved over the last months or even years. Remind yourself that everything in your life that you have right now was once a goal of yours that you meant to accomplish.\\nA new living situation, job, or friendships can be goals that you set for yourself in the future.\\n2. Applying Humble Confidence to Your Relationships\\n2-1. Surround yourself with positive people.\\nNegativity breeds negativity, and if you are spending all of your time around people who bring you down, you will eventually stoop to their level. Confidence and humility can’t be met with opposition every time. Try to find peers who like you for who you are and push you toward your goals instead of focusing on your mistakes.\\nPeople who also set goals for themselves and try to improve upon themselves are the ones who will push you toward your own goals.\\n2-2. Make decisions based on your opinions plus the opinions of those close to you.\\nIf you have confidence in yourself, you may think that you know what is right all the time. However, serious life choices, like making a move, accepting a new job, or going back to school can have effects on the people in your life who are close to you. Practice humility by checking in with them and not assuming that you always know the best.\\nFor example, if you have the option of being promoted at work but it means you will be traveling for 3 weeks out of each month, check in with your significant other to see if they are comfortable with this life change.\\n2-3. Take responsibility for your mistakes.\\nEverybody messes up sometimes, and being both humble and confident means that you own up to your mistakes. Don’t make a big deal about your mishap or beg for anyone’s forgiveness; instead, apologize to anyone you have wronged and promise to do better in the future.\\nIf you forget a deadline at work, apologize to your boss and coworkers and tell them that you are now keeping a calendar of your deadlines on your computer so that it won’t happen again.\\n2-4. Show gratitude to those around you.\\nPeople do things every day that make your life easier. Your partner making you breakfast, a coworker helping you out with a project, a child doing their homework without you asking. Call attention to people when they do things that help you out. This will show you have the confidence to compliment others and the humbleness to say that they helped you.\\nAvoid putting other people down. This shows a lack of confidence.\\n2-5. Offer suggestions instead of commands.\\nFriends, coworkers, and spouses are much more likely to take your advice seriously if you offer it up as an option instead of something that they have to do. Give them examples of life experiences that you have had while relating them to their struggles or situations.\\nInstead of saying, “Talk to your boss tomorrow about getting a raise,” try, “When I wanted a raise, I went straight to my boss and showed her that I deserved a pay increase. I made sure to emphasize all the new work I was undertaking and how much I was doing for the company.”\\n2-6. Avoid bragging about your strengths.\\nConfidence and humility is a hard balance to strike. Try not to bring up the things you are good at by bragging about them or telling your peers about how much better at something you are than them. Instead, wait until an opportunity arises to demonstrate your strengths.\\nFor example, if you’re good with computers, wait until your coworker comes to you with a computer problem instead of telling them about how good you are with computers.\\n2-7. Be open to feedback from your peers.\\nYou may think you are doing everything correctly, but your actions could be affecting someone negatively. If a coworker or a friend pulls you aside to gently nudge you in a different direction, don’t be hostile or take it as an attack. Instead, realize that they are trying to help you better yourself.\\nIf you are in a leadership position, you can ask the people you are in charge of for direct feedback.\\n2-8. Practice compassion and understanding.\\nOther people are in different stages of life than you and may be going through struggles that differ from yours. Try to understand where they are coming from and practice listening to their problems without passing judgement. Even if your friend or acquaintance makes choices that you don’t agree with, you can still support them by being there for them in their times of need.\\nIf someone is making really bad choices, you can point them out, but they may not listen to you.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Feeling confident in yourself is an uphill battle that requires a lot of self-reflection and acceptance. Once you reach a state of confidence in yourself, it can be easy to slide into arrogance. However, your confidence will be received much better if you stay humble while making decisions and keeping up with relationships. Try to realize that everyone is going through their own journey and surround yourself with positive people to keep your humility and confidence in balance.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Balancing Confidence and Humility\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Improve your self-confidence by making a list of your strengths.\", \"描述\": \"Everybody is good at something, and although it may be hard to see for yourself, you have traits that others don’t have. To value your own self-worth, make a list of talents or skills that you have that you are proud of. Keep this list around to reflect on anytime you are feeling negative about yourself.\\nTry to write down skills like kindness, being good at directions, being handy, and being a good listener.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Welcome new ideas and beliefs.\", \"描述\": \"Finding morals and ways of life that you believe in is great, but humbleness means being open to the fact that you might be wrong. Take stock of your own beliefs, like religion, politics, and morals, and research them thoroughly. Make sure you really believe in them for your own reasons and that you are not just following in the footsteps of others.\\nMany people will have their own biases when they tell you about what they believe in, and that’s okay. Use your own judgment on whether or not to take someone’s opinion seriously.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Realize that other people will have differing opinions, and that’s okay.\", \"描述\": \"You won’t be able to convince everyone that you know that your opinions are right. Have confidence in knowing that your own beliefs are sound, but stay humble in realizing that other people also have opinions and hold different beliefs. Have discussions with people around you, but don’t expect to convince them of anything.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Understand that your value does not decrease the value of others.\", \"描述\": \"Having confidence means that you realize your own self-worth, but it does not put you above other people. You are absolutely allowed to love yourself, but do so without putting others down. Recognize that other people are also struggling and trying to find confidence in themselves.\\nNot everyone is as confident as you are, and they may be on a journey of self-discovery. Remember that you were once doubtful of yourself too.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Set goals while being content with what you have.\", \"描述\": \"Look for ways to improve your life while still staying thankful for what you have. Think about how your life has changed and improved over the last months or even years. Remind yourself that everything in your life that you have right now was once a goal of yours that you meant to accomplish.\\nA new living situation, job, or friendships can be goals that you set for yourself in the future.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Applying Humble Confidence to Your Relationships\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Surround yourself with positive people.\", \"描述\": \"Negativity breeds negativity, and if you are spending all of your time around people who bring you down, you will eventually stoop to their level. Confidence and humility can’t be met with opposition every time. Try to find peers who like you for who you are and push you toward your goals instead of focusing on your mistakes.\\nPeople who also set goals for themselves and try to improve upon themselves are the ones who will push you toward your own goals.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Make decisions based on your opinions plus the opinions of those close to you.\", \"描述\": \"If you have confidence in yourself, you may think that you know what is right all the time. However, serious life choices, like making a move, accepting a new job, or going back to school can have effects on the people in your life who are close to you. Practice humility by checking in with them and not assuming that you always know the best.\\nFor example, if you have the option of being promoted at work but it means you will be traveling for 3 weeks out of each month, check in with your significant other to see if they are comfortable with this life change.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Take responsibility for your mistakes.\", \"描述\": \"Everybody messes up sometimes, and being both humble and confident means that you own up to your mistakes. Don’t make a big deal about your mishap or beg for anyone’s forgiveness; instead, apologize to anyone you have wronged and promise to do better in the future.\\nIf you forget a deadline at work, apologize to your boss and coworkers and tell them that you are now keeping a calendar of your deadlines on your computer so that it won’t happen again.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Show gratitude to those around you.\", \"描述\": \"People do things every day that make your life easier. Your partner making you breakfast, a coworker helping you out with a project, a child doing their homework without you asking. Call attention to people when they do things that help you out. This will show you have the confidence to compliment others and the humbleness to say that they helped you.\\nAvoid putting other people down. This shows a lack of confidence.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Offer suggestions instead of commands.\", \"描述\": \"Friends, coworkers, and spouses are much more likely to take your advice seriously if you offer it up as an option instead of something that they have to do. Give them examples of life experiences that you have had while relating them to their struggles or situations.\\nInstead of saying, “Talk to your boss tomorrow about getting a raise,” try, “When I wanted a raise, I went straight to my boss and showed her that I deserved a pay increase. I made sure to emphasize all the new work I was undertaking and how much I was doing for the company.”\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Avoid bragging about your strengths.\", \"描述\": \"Confidence and humility is a hard balance to strike. Try not to bring up the things you are good at by bragging about them or telling your peers about how much better at something you are than them. Instead, wait until an opportunity arises to demonstrate your strengths.\\nFor example, if you’re good with computers, wait until your coworker comes to you with a computer problem instead of telling them about how good you are with computers.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Be open to feedback from your peers.\", \"描述\": \"You may think you are doing everything correctly, but your actions could be affecting someone negatively. If a coworker or a friend pulls you aside to gently nudge you in a different direction, don’t be hostile or take it as an attack. Instead, realize that they are trying to help you better yourself.\\nIf you are in a leadership position, you can ask the people you are in charge of for direct feedback.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Practice compassion and understanding.\", \"描述\": \"Other people are in different stages of life than you and may be going through struggles that differ from yours. Try to understand where they are coming from and practice listening to their problems without passing judgement. Even if your friend or acquaintance makes choices that you don’t agree with, you can still support them by being there for them in their times of need.\\nIf someone is making really bad choices, you can point them out, but they may not listen to you.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,576 | How to Be Brave | 1. Accepting Where You Are
1-1. Admit that you're scared.
Bravery doesn't mean that you're never afraid — it means that you're afraid, but you move forward anyway, even in the scariest moments. When you try to push emotions away, they often just become stronger. Instead, acknowledge that you feel the way you feel. You will be able to better deal with your emotions when you're honest about them.
Say it out loud. Verbalizing what you're afraid of can bring it out into the open and make it seem more ordinary. You don't have to say it to anyone else, just to yourself.
You can also try journaling. Write privately, but honestly, about what you're feeling. Stay away from judging yourself — it isn't helpful to say things like, “I'm such a coward.” Focus on what you are feeling in the moment without judging it: “I am feeling afraid of the surgery I have to have tomorrow.”
1-2. Validate your feelings.
You should understand that your emotions are normal. Fear originates in the amygdala, a region in your brain sometimes called your “lizard brain” because it deals with primal emotions, and everyone experiences it. Judging yourself for your feelings isn't helpful, and it won't lead to bravery.
It can be helpful to read stories by people who have faced their fears and overcome them. This can help you understand that you aren't alone in feeling afraid, which can make it easier for you to accept this emotion in yourself.
1-3. Name your fear.
Sometimes, we aren't even sure what we're afraid of. That uncertainty can increase anxiety, which then makes us feel even more afraid. Take some time to identify what may be causing these feelings of fear.
You may find that self-reflection is helpful. Try being as specific and detailed as possible.
For example: “I'm feeling afraid. I feel it everywhere in my body. I feel nauseated. I don't know why I'm afraid right now. Things that could be causing this fear could be my worry about my partner's health, or my concern about keeping my job, or feeling like the Lakers aren't going to win the championship this year.”
You may also find it helpful to talk with a mental health professional. Many people believe the myth that therapy is only for people who have huge, insurmountable problems, but this isn't true at all. If you consistently have trouble being afraid, a therapist or counselor could help you identify why and come up with strategies to address it.
1-4. Examine your fears.
We tend to be afraid when we perceive some harm or threat to ourselves (or others). Some fears are legitimate, but others do more harm than good. Take a good look at your fears and decide whether you think they're helpful or harmful.
For example, being afraid of skydiving when you have never had a lesson is a reasonable fear. You don't have any training or skills in that area and could get hurt. However, you could address this fear by taking lessons and learning more about skydiving. You might still feel a tinge of fear when you're up in the plane, but you will have taken all the actions that you can control.
On the other hand, being afraid to finish writing your book because you're afraid of how others will judge it isn't really helpful. You don't have control of others' reactions, but you can control what you do. In this case, the only thing holding you back is fear itself.
Your fears may also manifest as unchangeable and global. Take a step back and examine them. For example, “I'm just not brave enough to travel on my own” assumes that your fear is inherent and permanent. Instead, focus on what you can do to overcome that fear: “I am afraid to travel on my own. I can do research about the place I travel to so I feel more comfortable when I get there. I can take self-defense classes so I feel stronger.”
1-5. Accept vulnerability.
A common reason we're afraid is because we worry about being vulnerable. With vulnerability comes the possibility of uncertainty, hurt, or risk. However, being vulnerable also opens you to love, connection, and empathy. Learning to accept vulnerability as a fact of life can help you worry less about your fears.
One way to be brave is to accept that everything is a risk. All the things you do in a day — from getting out of bed to eating dinner — carry some level of risk. But that doesn't stop you from living your life. Neither should the things you're afraid of.
The fear of failure is another very common fear. Try to think of things not in terms of failure or success but in terms of what you can learn from them. This way, all things are helpful in some way, even if it isn't in the way you expected.
1-6. Focus on what you can control.
You can't help being afraid of something — it's an emotional response you can't change. However, you can control what you do about it. Keep your attention focused on your actions, not your involuntary responses.
Remember that you also can't control the outcomes of any action. You can only control what you do. Let go of the idea that you “have” to control how any action turns out — you simply cannot control this. Focus on your actions, not their results.
2. Building Your Confidence
2-1. Find a role model.
If you're having a hard time seeing your way out of a situation, try modeling your behavior after someone else who's faced adversity. Not only can this give you a good dose of perspective ("Wow, at least my problem isn't as bad as that"), it might inspire you to be more courageous.
Look for a role model among people you already know. If you feel comfortable enough, consider asking them how they dealt with situations that required bravery.
Read about brave historical figures. Look up the life stories of people who are renowned for facing adversity with bravery, such as Theodore Roosevelt, Harriet Tubman or Joan of Arc, freedom fighters, rebels, etc.
2-2. Develop mental resilience.
Bravery requires you to be “tough” when you encounter scary or difficult situations. Mental resilience is more than just a tough front, though. To be truly resilient, you need to practice the following:
Flexibility. Cognitive flexibility is the ability to adapt to changing situations. It's the ability to stay away from defensiveness if something goes wrong. It's the ability to look for new ways to approach a problem or situation. You can develop flexibility by recognizing the potential for learning in all situations, and by developing a mindset of curiosity rather than worry.
Engagement. In order to be brave about a situation, you have to face it head-on. Truly brave people examine the situation and identify how to approach it, rather than trying to run away or ignore the problem. Breaking down a situation into smaller elements can help you face troubling situations. You can also try to imagine the best possible scenario, rather than the worst possible one.
Persistence. Things may not always go smoothly. Brave people understand this and get back up when they fall down. You can help yourself become persistent by defining what actions you need to take every step of the way. It's much easier to face a setback if you know that the next step you need to take is achievable, rather than a monumental task.
2-3. Challenge negative thoughts.
We all get stuck in unhelpful ways of thinking, or “cognitive distortions,” from time to time. When you find yourself thinking negative thoughts about yourself or a situation, challenge yourself to examine what evidence you really have for these thoughts, or reframe them in positive terms.
Generalizing is a common distortion. For example, “I'm such a coward” is a generalizing statement about yourself that isn't true. You may experience fear, but that doesn't make you “a coward.”
Refocus onto what you're feeling in the moment. For example: “I am feeling afraid about this big date tomorrow because I'm nervous that my date won't like me.” This will help you avoid holding unhealthy (and inaccurate) beliefs about yourself.
Catastrophizing is another distortion that can cause fear responses. When you catastrophize, you blow an event or experience out of proportion until it spirals out of control. For example: “My boss didn't look at me when I passed her in the hall. She's probably mad at me. I've probably done something wrong. She might fire me. I'll lose my house.” This obviously is a worst-case scenario that's extremely unlikely to happen.
Challenge these thoughts by requiring yourself to examine the evidence for each stage of your assumption. For example: “My boss didn't look at me when I passed her in the hall. She could be angry with me. She could also be distracted by something else. She may not have even seen me. Assuming she's angry with me doesn't make sense; I'll ask her if everything is all right before I get too upset.”
2-4. Reject perfectionism.
Perfectionism is the culprit behind many fears. We may be so afraid that our efforts won't be “perfect” that we don't even attempt them. It's a common myth that perfectionism is the same as healthy ambition, or a drive for excellence. In reality, perfectionism tries to keep us from ever experiencing loss or failure — and that just isn't possible in life.
Perfectionism can cause you to be so harsh on yourself that you view things that are really accomplishments as “failures” because they don't live up to your unreasonable standards. For example, a perfectionist might consider earning a B in history a “failure” because it isn't a perfect grade. A student who is fair to themselves could view it as a success, because they worked as hard as they could in the class. Focusing on your process, rather than its outcomes, can help you beat perfectionism.
Perfectionism can often lead to a sense of shame in yourself because it focuses only on your flaws. It's very difficult to show courage if you're ashamed of yourself.
Perfectionism also doesn't lead to success. In fact, many people who identify themselves as perfectionist are less successful than people who embrace the possibility of setbacks and view them as learning experiences.
2-5. Start every day with self-affirmations.
Self-affirmations are phrases or mantras that are personally meaningful to you. You can repeat them to express kindness and acceptance to yourself. Although it may sound cheesy, self-affirmations can actually help boost your confidence over time.
For example, you might say something like “I accept myself today for who I am” or “I am worth love.”
You can also focus your self-affirmations on developing your courage. For example, you can say something like “I can be brave today” or “I am strong enough to handle whatever today throws my way.”
Remember to keep your self-affirmations focused on, well, yourself. Remember that you can't control others. For example, a helpful self-affirmation could look like this: “I will do my best today to manage my fears. I can't do more than my best. I can't control how others act or respond to me.”
Phrase your self-affirmations in a positive way. Humans respond negatively to negative statements, even if they're meant to be helpful. Instead of saying “I will not give in to my fears today,” say something like “I can face my fears today because I am strong.”
2-6. Distance yourself from your fears.
Sometimes, it can be helpful to view your fears as something separate from yourself. Visualizing your fear as a separate creature can help you feel more in control of it.
For example, you could imagine that your fear is a little turtle. Whenever it's afraid, the turtle pulls its head inside its shell and can't do or see anything, which obviously isn't helpful. Visualize your “fear turtle” and confront it, telling it that you are doing what you can control and not worrying about what you can't.
Using humorous or comical imagery may take some of your fear's power away by making it ridiculous. (It worked in Harry Potter, right? Riddikulus!)
2-7. Ask your friends for help.
Sometimes, a word of encouragement from a friend or loved one can help you when you're feeling less-than-brave. Surround yourself with people who are also committed to vulnerability and bravery, rather than those who allow fearful thoughts to dominate them.
Humans are susceptible to “emotional contagion.” It turns out that, just like you can catch a cold, you can also “catch” emotions from the people around you. It's important to surround yourself with people who are accepting and courageous themselves. If you hang out mostly with other people who are terrified of something (and aren't doing anything to manage that fear), you may have more trouble overcoming your own fear.
2-8. Attempt difficult tasks.
Succeeding in something that you find challenging can give you a boost in self-confidence. Even if you don't immediately get the hang of your undertaking, treat the challenge as a learning experience and remind yourself that you can take as much time as you need to learn.
For example, you could set a goal to learn the guitar, cook a gourmet French meal, become certified in scuba diving — the only limit is your imagination.
Set goals and attempt challenges that are personally meaningful to you. A surefire way to damage your self-confidence is to compare yourself constantly to others. Don't worry what anyone else thinks about your goals; do them for you.
2-9. Practice mindfulness.
One reason many people struggle with courage is that we want to avoid feeling sad, angry, or frustrated, so we “tune out” of the suffering that we and others experience. Practicing mindful acceptance of the present experience, without judgment, can help you accept negative emotions as well as the positive ones, which can help you feel braver.
Mindfulness meditation can be an excellent way to practice these skills. You can take a class in it, or teach yourself.
UCLA offers several downloadable guided meditations. UCSD also has downloadable MP3 meditation guides. Harvard Pilgrim's “Mind the Moment” program has a free course and practice videos for mindfulness practice.
3. Practicing Bravery Every Day
3-1. Practice accepting uncertainty.
Uncertainty is the source of many fears. However, you can learn to tolerate uncertainty by gradually working it into your daily experience. This will increase your confidence and ability to handle uncertain situations, which will allow you to act with bravery.
“Intolerance of uncertainty” causes a lot of anxiety. You may find it hard to accept that something negative may happen in a situation. You may overestimate the risks of a situation or avoid acting because you are worried about the consequences.
Keep a journal throughout the day, noting when you feel uncertain, anxious, or afraid. Write down in specific detail what you think is causing these feelings. Also note how you respond to them in the moment.
Rank your fears. Place the things you're afraid of or anxious about on a scale from 0-10. For example, “Going on a date with a stranger” might be an 8, while “going to a movie I've never seen before” might be a 2.
Start slowly learning to manage your fear of uncertainty by practicing in low-risk settings. For example, pick one of the fears you've ranked lower, like “trying a new restaurant,” and practice it. You may end up hating the restaurant, and that's okay. The important thing is to prove to yourself that you can face uncertainty with bravery and come out stronger on the other side.
Record your responses in your journal. Every time you face a fear, record what happened. What did you do? What did it feel like to do it? How did you respond to those feelings? How did it turn out?
3-2. Make specific plans.
It's easy to feel afraid when you don't know what you need to do. Break down challenges and situations into smaller tasks that you can achieve.
Envisioning the possible roadblocks you may encounter can help you act courageously when you run into difficulty. Think about any obstacles you might face and create a plan of action to deal with them.
Word your plans and goals in positive language. Research shows that you're more likely to achieve your goals when you frame them positively as something you're working toward, not what you're working away from.
Keep your goals performance-based. Remember that you can only control your actions and responses, not anyone else's. Make sure to set goals and make plans that you can accomplish through your own work.
3-3. Choose to help others.
When you're afraid or stressed, your natural tendency may be to hide away from the world. However, psychological research suggests that this isn't the most helpful way to boost your courage. Many people display a “tend-and-befriend” tendency, where you react to a stressful situation by expressing care for others. Expressing care for others activates a state of bravery in your brain that can carry over into your own situations. The next time you're feeling fear, try to show someone else compassion or honor their strength. You may find your own increases too.
When the social caregiving system, regulated by the neurotransmitter oxytocin, is stimulated, you experience greater empathy and connection with others. This system also inhibits the areas of your brain that process fear.
The reward system in your brain releases a powerful neurotransmitter called dopamine that increases your sense of motivation and decreases your sense of fear. Dopamine can make you feel more optimistic and courageous.
The attunement system in your brain relies on the neurotransmitter serotonin. Your self-control and intuition are linked to serotonin, meaning you feel more able to make brave (and smart) decisions.
3-4. Be brave for 20 seconds.
Sometimes, it's too hard to imagine being brave for a whole day, or even a whole hour. Practice being brave for just 20 seconds at a time. You can do anything for only 20 seconds. When you've finished the first set, start another. And another. And another. These little chunks add up.
3-5. Consider your decision.
If you're facing a situation that might mean making a brave but difficult decision, take some time to think it over. If you feel strongly about what needs to be done, you can use that to help boost your courage in the moment. Conviction is a major factor in courage. Ask yourself:
Is this the right thing to do? The right thing isn't always the easiest, nor the most popular. Rely on your conscience to help you decide.
Is this the only way to resolve the situation? Consider whether there are other ways to get around your problem. Is there a workaround you haven't thought of yet?
Are you prepared to face the consequences? If the action you're about to do has huge consequences, take an extra second to think about it. If the worst-case scenario happened, would you be able to handle it?
Why you are making this decision? Why is it important to you? What will happen if you don't make it?
You could also make a list of pros and cons for each course of action you can take. What's really the worst that could happen? What's the best that could happen?
3-6. Don't think — act.
After a certain point, it's better if you stop dwelling on what you're about to do and just do it. Overthinking not only can talk you out of taking action, it can stress you out and make you feel like you can't do anything. Take a deep breath, try to clear your mind, and go forward with what you've already decided on. Don't hesitate, and focus on just getting through it.
It can help to repeat your affirmations while you're taking this action. Confidence is important to getting you through the first step. As you continue to act, you'll continue to feel braver.
3-7. Fake it till you make it.
Learning to tolerate the uncertainty and discomfort of certain situations is just that — a constant learning experience. You won't be brave overnight. But research has shown that “putting on a brave face,” even when you're not feeling brave, can help you become braver.
Don't wait until you “feel” brave. Often, even people we think of as courageous — firefighters, soldiers, doctors — don't feel brave in the moment. They just know what has to be done, and they choose to do it.
On the flip side, believing that you can't do something is likely to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your belief in yourself can either help or hinder your performance.
Tips
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is having enough strength to get up and try again.
Remember, courage is not the absence of fear, but the strength to confront that fear.
When you need to summon up courage, remember other challenges you overcame. Everyone has been brave at some time (learning to ride a bike, for example). You can be brave again.
Warnings
There is a fine line between bravery and stupidity. Regardless of how brave you are, don't take risks you don't need to take.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:50:24",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Accepting Where You Are\\n1-1. Admit that you're scared.\\nBravery doesn't mean that you're never afraid — it means that you're afraid, but you move forward anyway, even in the scariest moments. When you try to push emotions away, they often just become stronger. Instead, acknowledge that you feel the way you feel. You will be able to better deal with your emotions when you're honest about them.\\nSay it out loud. Verbalizing what you're afraid of can bring it out into the open and make it seem more ordinary. You don't have to say it to anyone else, just to yourself.\\nYou can also try journaling. Write privately, but honestly, about what you're feeling. Stay away from judging yourself — it isn't helpful to say things like, “I'm such a coward.” Focus on what you are feeling in the moment without judging it: “I am feeling afraid of the surgery I have to have tomorrow.”\\n1-2. Validate your feelings.\\nYou should understand that your emotions are normal. Fear originates in the amygdala, a region in your brain sometimes called your “lizard brain” because it deals with primal emotions, and everyone experiences it. Judging yourself for your feelings isn't helpful, and it won't lead to bravery.\\nIt can be helpful to read stories by people who have faced their fears and overcome them. This can help you understand that you aren't alone in feeling afraid, which can make it easier for you to accept this emotion in yourself.\\n1-3. Name your fear.\\nSometimes, we aren't even sure what we're afraid of. That uncertainty can increase anxiety, which then makes us feel even more afraid. Take some time to identify what may be causing these feelings of fear. \\nYou may find that self-reflection is helpful. Try being as specific and detailed as possible.\\nFor example: “I'm feeling afraid. I feel it everywhere in my body. I feel nauseated. I don't know why I'm afraid right now. Things that could be causing this fear could be my worry about my partner's health, or my concern about keeping my job, or feeling like the Lakers aren't going to win the championship this year.”\\nYou may also find it helpful to talk with a mental health professional. Many people believe the myth that therapy is only for people who have huge, insurmountable problems, but this isn't true at all. If you consistently have trouble being afraid, a therapist or counselor could help you identify why and come up with strategies to address it.\\n1-4. Examine your fears.\\nWe tend to be afraid when we perceive some harm or threat to ourselves (or others). Some fears are legitimate, but others do more harm than good. Take a good look at your fears and decide whether you think they're helpful or harmful.\\nFor example, being afraid of skydiving when you have never had a lesson is a reasonable fear. You don't have any training or skills in that area and could get hurt. However, you could address this fear by taking lessons and learning more about skydiving. You might still feel a tinge of fear when you're up in the plane, but you will have taken all the actions that you can control.\\nOn the other hand, being afraid to finish writing your book because you're afraid of how others will judge it isn't really helpful. You don't have control of others' reactions, but you can control what you do. In this case, the only thing holding you back is fear itself.\\nYour fears may also manifest as unchangeable and global. Take a step back and examine them. For example, “I'm just not brave enough to travel on my own” assumes that your fear is inherent and permanent. Instead, focus on what you can do to overcome that fear: “I am afraid to travel on my own. I can do research about the place I travel to so I feel more comfortable when I get there. I can take self-defense classes so I feel stronger.”\\n1-5. Accept vulnerability.\\nA common reason we're afraid is because we worry about being vulnerable. With vulnerability comes the possibility of uncertainty, hurt, or risk. However, being vulnerable also opens you to love, connection, and empathy. Learning to accept vulnerability as a fact of life can help you worry less about your fears.\\nOne way to be brave is to accept that everything is a risk. All the things you do in a day — from getting out of bed to eating dinner — carry some level of risk. But that doesn't stop you from living your life. Neither should the things you're afraid of.\\nThe fear of failure is another very common fear. Try to think of things not in terms of failure or success but in terms of what you can learn from them. This way, all things are helpful in some way, even if it isn't in the way you expected.\\n1-6. Focus on what you can control.\\nYou can't help being afraid of something — it's an emotional response you can't change. However, you can control what you do about it. Keep your attention focused on your actions, not your involuntary responses.\\nRemember that you also can't control the outcomes of any action. You can only control what you do. Let go of the idea that you “have” to control how any action turns out — you simply cannot control this. Focus on your actions, not their results.\\n2. Building Your Confidence\\n2-1. Find a role model.\\nIf you're having a hard time seeing your way out of a situation, try modeling your behavior after someone else who's faced adversity. Not only can this give you a good dose of perspective (\\\"Wow, at least my problem isn't as bad as that\\\"), it might inspire you to be more courageous.\\nLook for a role model among people you already know. If you feel comfortable enough, consider asking them how they dealt with situations that required bravery.\\nRead about brave historical figures. Look up the life stories of people who are renowned for facing adversity with bravery, such as Theodore Roosevelt, Harriet Tubman or Joan of Arc, freedom fighters, rebels, etc.\\n2-2. Develop mental resilience.\\nBravery requires you to be “tough” when you encounter scary or difficult situations. Mental resilience is more than just a tough front, though. To be truly resilient, you need to practice the following:\\nFlexibility. Cognitive flexibility is the ability to adapt to changing situations. It's the ability to stay away from defensiveness if something goes wrong. It's the ability to look for new ways to approach a problem or situation. You can develop flexibility by recognizing the potential for learning in all situations, and by developing a mindset of curiosity rather than worry.\\nEngagement. In order to be brave about a situation, you have to face it head-on. Truly brave people examine the situation and identify how to approach it, rather than trying to run away or ignore the problem. Breaking down a situation into smaller elements can help you face troubling situations. You can also try to imagine the best possible scenario, rather than the worst possible one.\\nPersistence. Things may not always go smoothly. Brave people understand this and get back up when they fall down. You can help yourself become persistent by defining what actions you need to take every step of the way. It's much easier to face a setback if you know that the next step you need to take is achievable, rather than a monumental task.\\n2-3. Challenge negative thoughts.\\nWe all get stuck in unhelpful ways of thinking, or “cognitive distortions,” from time to time. When you find yourself thinking negative thoughts about yourself or a situation, challenge yourself to examine what evidence you really have for these thoughts, or reframe them in positive terms.\\nGeneralizing is a common distortion. For example, “I'm such a coward” is a generalizing statement about yourself that isn't true. You may experience fear, but that doesn't make you “a coward.”\\nRefocus onto what you're feeling in the moment. For example: “I am feeling afraid about this big date tomorrow because I'm nervous that my date won't like me.” This will help you avoid holding unhealthy (and inaccurate) beliefs about yourself.\\nCatastrophizing is another distortion that can cause fear responses. When you catastrophize, you blow an event or experience out of proportion until it spirals out of control. For example: “My boss didn't look at me when I passed her in the hall. She's probably mad at me. I've probably done something wrong. She might fire me. I'll lose my house.” This obviously is a worst-case scenario that's extremely unlikely to happen.\\nChallenge these thoughts by requiring yourself to examine the evidence for each stage of your assumption. For example: “My boss didn't look at me when I passed her in the hall. She could be angry with me. She could also be distracted by something else. She may not have even seen me. Assuming she's angry with me doesn't make sense; I'll ask her if everything is all right before I get too upset.”\\n2-4. Reject perfectionism.\\nPerfectionism is the culprit behind many fears. We may be so afraid that our efforts won't be “perfect” that we don't even attempt them. It's a common myth that perfectionism is the same as healthy ambition, or a drive for excellence. In reality, perfectionism tries to keep us from ever experiencing loss or failure — and that just isn't possible in life.\\nPerfectionism can cause you to be so harsh on yourself that you view things that are really accomplishments as “failures” because they don't live up to your unreasonable standards. For example, a perfectionist might consider earning a B in history a “failure” because it isn't a perfect grade. A student who is fair to themselves could view it as a success, because they worked as hard as they could in the class. Focusing on your process, rather than its outcomes, can help you beat perfectionism.\\nPerfectionism can often lead to a sense of shame in yourself because it focuses only on your flaws. It's very difficult to show courage if you're ashamed of yourself.\\nPerfectionism also doesn't lead to success. In fact, many people who identify themselves as perfectionist are less successful than people who embrace the possibility of setbacks and view them as learning experiences.\\n2-5. Start every day with self-affirmations.\\nSelf-affirmations are phrases or mantras that are personally meaningful to you. You can repeat them to express kindness and acceptance to yourself. Although it may sound cheesy, self-affirmations can actually help boost your confidence over time.\\nFor example, you might say something like “I accept myself today for who I am” or “I am worth love.”\\nYou can also focus your self-affirmations on developing your courage. For example, you can say something like “I can be brave today” or “I am strong enough to handle whatever today throws my way.”\\nRemember to keep your self-affirmations focused on, well, yourself. Remember that you can't control others. For example, a helpful self-affirmation could look like this: “I will do my best today to manage my fears. I can't do more than my best. I can't control how others act or respond to me.”\\nPhrase your self-affirmations in a positive way. Humans respond negatively to negative statements, even if they're meant to be helpful. Instead of saying “I will not give in to my fears today,” say something like “I can face my fears today because I am strong.”\\n2-6. Distance yourself from your fears.\\nSometimes, it can be helpful to view your fears as something separate from yourself. Visualizing your fear as a separate creature can help you feel more in control of it.\\nFor example, you could imagine that your fear is a little turtle. Whenever it's afraid, the turtle pulls its head inside its shell and can't do or see anything, which obviously isn't helpful. Visualize your “fear turtle” and confront it, telling it that you are doing what you can control and not worrying about what you can't.\\nUsing humorous or comical imagery may take some of your fear's power away by making it ridiculous. (It worked in Harry Potter, right? Riddikulus!)\\n2-7. Ask your friends for help.\\nSometimes, a word of encouragement from a friend or loved one can help you when you're feeling less-than-brave. Surround yourself with people who are also committed to vulnerability and bravery, rather than those who allow fearful thoughts to dominate them.\\nHumans are susceptible to “emotional contagion.” It turns out that, just like you can catch a cold, you can also “catch” emotions from the people around you. It's important to surround yourself with people who are accepting and courageous themselves. If you hang out mostly with other people who are terrified of something (and aren't doing anything to manage that fear), you may have more trouble overcoming your own fear.\\n2-8. Attempt difficult tasks.\\nSucceeding in something that you find challenging can give you a boost in self-confidence. Even if you don't immediately get the hang of your undertaking, treat the challenge as a learning experience and remind yourself that you can take as much time as you need to learn.\\nFor example, you could set a goal to learn the guitar, cook a gourmet French meal, become certified in scuba diving — the only limit is your imagination.\\nSet goals and attempt challenges that are personally meaningful to you. A surefire way to damage your self-confidence is to compare yourself constantly to others. Don't worry what anyone else thinks about your goals; do them for you.\\n2-9. Practice mindfulness.\\nOne reason many people struggle with courage is that we want to avoid feeling sad, angry, or frustrated, so we “tune out” of the suffering that we and others experience. Practicing mindful acceptance of the present experience, without judgment, can help you accept negative emotions as well as the positive ones, which can help you feel braver.\\n\\n Mindfulness meditation can be an excellent way to practice these skills. You can take a class in it, or teach yourself.\\nUCLA offers several downloadable guided meditations. UCSD also has downloadable MP3 meditation guides. Harvard Pilgrim's “Mind the Moment” program has a free course and practice videos for mindfulness practice.\\n3. Practicing Bravery Every Day\\n3-1. Practice accepting uncertainty.\\nUncertainty is the source of many fears. However, you can learn to tolerate uncertainty by gradually working it into your daily experience. This will increase your confidence and ability to handle uncertain situations, which will allow you to act with bravery. \\n“Intolerance of uncertainty” causes a lot of anxiety. You may find it hard to accept that something negative may happen in a situation. You may overestimate the risks of a situation or avoid acting because you are worried about the consequences.\\nKeep a journal throughout the day, noting when you feel uncertain, anxious, or afraid. Write down in specific detail what you think is causing these feelings. Also note how you respond to them in the moment.\\nRank your fears. Place the things you're afraid of or anxious about on a scale from 0-10. For example, “Going on a date with a stranger” might be an 8, while “going to a movie I've never seen before” might be a 2.\\nStart slowly learning to manage your fear of uncertainty by practicing in low-risk settings. For example, pick one of the fears you've ranked lower, like “trying a new restaurant,” and practice it. You may end up hating the restaurant, and that's okay. The important thing is to prove to yourself that you can face uncertainty with bravery and come out stronger on the other side.\\nRecord your responses in your journal. Every time you face a fear, record what happened. What did you do? What did it feel like to do it? How did you respond to those feelings? How did it turn out?\\n3-2. Make specific plans.\\nIt's easy to feel afraid when you don't know what you need to do. Break down challenges and situations into smaller tasks that you can achieve.\\nEnvisioning the possible roadblocks you may encounter can help you act courageously when you run into difficulty. Think about any obstacles you might face and create a plan of action to deal with them.\\nWord your plans and goals in positive language. Research shows that you're more likely to achieve your goals when you frame them positively as something you're working toward, not what you're working away from.\\nKeep your goals performance-based. Remember that you can only control your actions and responses, not anyone else's. Make sure to set goals and make plans that you can accomplish through your own work.\\n3-3. Choose to help others.\\nWhen you're afraid or stressed, your natural tendency may be to hide away from the world. However, psychological research suggests that this isn't the most helpful way to boost your courage. Many people display a “tend-and-befriend” tendency, where you react to a stressful situation by expressing care for others. Expressing care for others activates a state of bravery in your brain that can carry over into your own situations. The next time you're feeling fear, try to show someone else compassion or honor their strength. You may find your own increases too.\\nWhen the social caregiving system, regulated by the neurotransmitter oxytocin, is stimulated, you experience greater empathy and connection with others. This system also inhibits the areas of your brain that process fear.\\nThe reward system in your brain releases a powerful neurotransmitter called dopamine that increases your sense of motivation and decreases your sense of fear. Dopamine can make you feel more optimistic and courageous.\\nThe attunement system in your brain relies on the neurotransmitter serotonin. Your self-control and intuition are linked to serotonin, meaning you feel more able to make brave (and smart) decisions.\\n3-4. Be brave for 20 seconds.\\nSometimes, it's too hard to imagine being brave for a whole day, or even a whole hour. Practice being brave for just 20 seconds at a time. You can do anything for only 20 seconds. When you've finished the first set, start another. And another. And another. These little chunks add up.\\n3-5. Consider your decision.\\nIf you're facing a situation that might mean making a brave but difficult decision, take some time to think it over. If you feel strongly about what needs to be done, you can use that to help boost your courage in the moment. Conviction is a major factor in courage. Ask yourself:\\nIs this the right thing to do? The right thing isn't always the easiest, nor the most popular. Rely on your conscience to help you decide.\\nIs this the only way to resolve the situation? Consider whether there are other ways to get around your problem. Is there a workaround you haven't thought of yet?\\nAre you prepared to face the consequences? If the action you're about to do has huge consequences, take an extra second to think about it. If the worst-case scenario happened, would you be able to handle it?\\nWhy you are making this decision? Why is it important to you? What will happen if you don't make it?\\nYou could also make a list of pros and cons for each course of action you can take. What's really the worst that could happen? What's the best that could happen?\\n3-6. Don't think — act.\\nAfter a certain point, it's better if you stop dwelling on what you're about to do and just do it. Overthinking not only can talk you out of taking action, it can stress you out and make you feel like you can't do anything. Take a deep breath, try to clear your mind, and go forward with what you've already decided on. Don't hesitate, and focus on just getting through it.\\nIt can help to repeat your affirmations while you're taking this action. Confidence is important to getting you through the first step. As you continue to act, you'll continue to feel braver.\\n3-7. Fake it till you make it.\\nLearning to tolerate the uncertainty and discomfort of certain situations is just that — a constant learning experience. You won't be brave overnight. But research has shown that “putting on a brave face,” even when you're not feeling brave, can help you become braver.\\nDon't wait until you “feel” brave. Often, even people we think of as courageous — firefighters, soldiers, doctors — don't feel brave in the moment. They just know what has to be done, and they choose to do it.\\nOn the flip side, believing that you can't do something is likely to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your belief in yourself can either help or hinder your performance.\\nTips\\nCourage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is having enough strength to get up and try again.\\nRemember, courage is not the absence of fear, but the strength to confront that fear.\\nWhen you need to summon up courage, remember other challenges you overcame. Everyone has been brave at some time (learning to ride a bike, for example). You can be brave again.\\nWarnings\\nThere is a fine line between bravery and stupidity. Regardless of how brave you are, don't take risks you don't need to take.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Do you want to be more courageous? Bravery isn't something you're born with — you acquire it over time as you gain life experiences. You can practice being brave by acting on what your heart tells you to do and challenging yourself with new experiences, even when you're afraid. It can take a little time and a lot of patience with yourself, but with a positive attitude and helpful ways of thinking, you'll find yourself becoming braver than you ever thought possible.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Accepting Where You Are\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Admit that you're scared.\", \"描述\": \"Bravery doesn't mean that you're never afraid — it means that you're afraid, but you move forward anyway, even in the scariest moments. When you try to push emotions away, they often just become stronger. Instead, acknowledge that you feel the way you feel. You will be able to better deal with your emotions when you're honest about them.\\nSay it out loud. Verbalizing what you're afraid of can bring it out into the open and make it seem more ordinary. You don't have to say it to anyone else, just to yourself.\\nYou can also try journaling. Write privately, but honestly, about what you're feeling. Stay away from judging yourself — it isn't helpful to say things like, “I'm such a coward.” Focus on what you are feeling in the moment without judging it: “I am feeling afraid of the surgery I have to have tomorrow.”\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Validate your feelings.\", \"描述\": \"You should understand that your emotions are normal. Fear originates in the amygdala, a region in your brain sometimes called your “lizard brain” because it deals with primal emotions, and everyone experiences it. Judging yourself for your feelings isn't helpful, and it won't lead to bravery.\\nIt can be helpful to read stories by people who have faced their fears and overcome them. This can help you understand that you aren't alone in feeling afraid, which can make it easier for you to accept this emotion in yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Name your fear.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes, we aren't even sure what we're afraid of. That uncertainty can increase anxiety, which then makes us feel even more afraid. Take some time to identify what may be causing these feelings of fear. \\nYou may find that self-reflection is helpful. Try being as specific and detailed as possible.\\nFor example: “I'm feeling afraid. I feel it everywhere in my body. I feel nauseated. I don't know why I'm afraid right now. Things that could be causing this fear could be my worry about my partner's health, or my concern about keeping my job, or feeling like the Lakers aren't going to win the championship this year.”\\nYou may also find it helpful to talk with a mental health professional. Many people believe the myth that therapy is only for people who have huge, insurmountable problems, but this isn't true at all. If you consistently have trouble being afraid, a therapist or counselor could help you identify why and come up with strategies to address it.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Examine your fears.\", \"描述\": \"We tend to be afraid when we perceive some harm or threat to ourselves (or others). Some fears are legitimate, but others do more harm than good. Take a good look at your fears and decide whether you think they're helpful or harmful.\\nFor example, being afraid of skydiving when you have never had a lesson is a reasonable fear. You don't have any training or skills in that area and could get hurt. However, you could address this fear by taking lessons and learning more about skydiving. You might still feel a tinge of fear when you're up in the plane, but you will have taken all the actions that you can control.\\nOn the other hand, being afraid to finish writing your book because you're afraid of how others will judge it isn't really helpful. You don't have control of others' reactions, but you can control what you do. In this case, the only thing holding you back is fear itself.\\nYour fears may also manifest as unchangeable and global. Take a step back and examine them. For example, “I'm just not brave enough to travel on my own” assumes that your fear is inherent and permanent. Instead, focus on what you can do to overcome that fear: “I am afraid to travel on my own. I can do research about the place I travel to so I feel more comfortable when I get there. I can take self-defense classes so I feel stronger.”\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Accept vulnerability.\", \"描述\": \"A common reason we're afraid is because we worry about being vulnerable. With vulnerability comes the possibility of uncertainty, hurt, or risk. However, being vulnerable also opens you to love, connection, and empathy. Learning to accept vulnerability as a fact of life can help you worry less about your fears.\\nOne way to be brave is to accept that everything is a risk. All the things you do in a day — from getting out of bed to eating dinner — carry some level of risk. But that doesn't stop you from living your life. Neither should the things you're afraid of.\\nThe fear of failure is another very common fear. Try to think of things not in terms of failure or success but in terms of what you can learn from them. This way, all things are helpful in some way, even if it isn't in the way you expected.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Focus on what you can control.\", \"描述\": \"You can't help being afraid of something — it's an emotional response you can't change. However, you can control what you do about it. Keep your attention focused on your actions, not your involuntary responses.\\nRemember that you also can't control the outcomes of any action. You can only control what you do. Let go of the idea that you “have” to control how any action turns out — you simply cannot control this. Focus on your actions, not their results.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Building Your Confidence\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Find a role model.\", \"描述\": \"If you're having a hard time seeing your way out of a situation, try modeling your behavior after someone else who's faced adversity. Not only can this give you a good dose of perspective (\\\"Wow, at least my problem isn't as bad as that\\\"), it might inspire you to be more courageous.\\nLook for a role model among people you already know. If you feel comfortable enough, consider asking them how they dealt with situations that required bravery.\\nRead about brave historical figures. Look up the life stories of people who are renowned for facing adversity with bravery, such as Theodore Roosevelt, Harriet Tubman or Joan of Arc, freedom fighters, rebels, etc.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Develop mental resilience.\", \"描述\": \"Bravery requires you to be “tough” when you encounter scary or difficult situations. Mental resilience is more than just a tough front, though. To be truly resilient, you need to practice the following:\\nFlexibility. Cognitive flexibility is the ability to adapt to changing situations. It's the ability to stay away from defensiveness if something goes wrong. It's the ability to look for new ways to approach a problem or situation. You can develop flexibility by recognizing the potential for learning in all situations, and by developing a mindset of curiosity rather than worry.\\nEngagement. In order to be brave about a situation, you have to face it head-on. Truly brave people examine the situation and identify how to approach it, rather than trying to run away or ignore the problem. Breaking down a situation into smaller elements can help you face troubling situations. You can also try to imagine the best possible scenario, rather than the worst possible one.\\nPersistence. Things may not always go smoothly. Brave people understand this and get back up when they fall down. You can help yourself become persistent by defining what actions you need to take every step of the way. It's much easier to face a setback if you know that the next step you need to take is achievable, rather than a monumental task.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Challenge negative thoughts.\", \"描述\": \"We all get stuck in unhelpful ways of thinking, or “cognitive distortions,” from time to time. When you find yourself thinking negative thoughts about yourself or a situation, challenge yourself to examine what evidence you really have for these thoughts, or reframe them in positive terms.\\nGeneralizing is a common distortion. For example, “I'm such a coward” is a generalizing statement about yourself that isn't true. You may experience fear, but that doesn't make you “a coward.”\\nRefocus onto what you're feeling in the moment. For example: “I am feeling afraid about this big date tomorrow because I'm nervous that my date won't like me.” This will help you avoid holding unhealthy (and inaccurate) beliefs about yourself.\\nCatastrophizing is another distortion that can cause fear responses. When you catastrophize, you blow an event or experience out of proportion until it spirals out of control. For example: “My boss didn't look at me when I passed her in the hall. She's probably mad at me. I've probably done something wrong. She might fire me. I'll lose my house.” This obviously is a worst-case scenario that's extremely unlikely to happen.\\nChallenge these thoughts by requiring yourself to examine the evidence for each stage of your assumption. For example: “My boss didn't look at me when I passed her in the hall. She could be angry with me. She could also be distracted by something else. She may not have even seen me. Assuming she's angry with me doesn't make sense; I'll ask her if everything is all right before I get too upset.”\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Reject perfectionism.\", \"描述\": \"Perfectionism is the culprit behind many fears. We may be so afraid that our efforts won't be “perfect” that we don't even attempt them. It's a common myth that perfectionism is the same as healthy ambition, or a drive for excellence. In reality, perfectionism tries to keep us from ever experiencing loss or failure — and that just isn't possible in life.\\nPerfectionism can cause you to be so harsh on yourself that you view things that are really accomplishments as “failures” because they don't live up to your unreasonable standards. For example, a perfectionist might consider earning a B in history a “failure” because it isn't a perfect grade. A student who is fair to themselves could view it as a success, because they worked as hard as they could in the class. Focusing on your process, rather than its outcomes, can help you beat perfectionism.\\nPerfectionism can often lead to a sense of shame in yourself because it focuses only on your flaws. It's very difficult to show courage if you're ashamed of yourself.\\nPerfectionism also doesn't lead to success. In fact, many people who identify themselves as perfectionist are less successful than people who embrace the possibility of setbacks and view them as learning experiences.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Start every day with self-affirmations.\", \"描述\": \"Self-affirmations are phrases or mantras that are personally meaningful to you. You can repeat them to express kindness and acceptance to yourself. Although it may sound cheesy, self-affirmations can actually help boost your confidence over time.\\nFor example, you might say something like “I accept myself today for who I am” or “I am worth love.”\\nYou can also focus your self-affirmations on developing your courage. For example, you can say something like “I can be brave today” or “I am strong enough to handle whatever today throws my way.”\\nRemember to keep your self-affirmations focused on, well, yourself. Remember that you can't control others. For example, a helpful self-affirmation could look like this: “I will do my best today to manage my fears. I can't do more than my best. I can't control how others act or respond to me.”\\nPhrase your self-affirmations in a positive way. Humans respond negatively to negative statements, even if they're meant to be helpful. Instead of saying “I will not give in to my fears today,” say something like “I can face my fears today because I am strong.”\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Distance yourself from your fears.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes, it can be helpful to view your fears as something separate from yourself. Visualizing your fear as a separate creature can help you feel more in control of it.\\nFor example, you could imagine that your fear is a little turtle. Whenever it's afraid, the turtle pulls its head inside its shell and can't do or see anything, which obviously isn't helpful. Visualize your “fear turtle” and confront it, telling it that you are doing what you can control and not worrying about what you can't.\\nUsing humorous or comical imagery may take some of your fear's power away by making it ridiculous. (It worked in Harry Potter, right? Riddikulus!)\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Ask your friends for help.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes, a word of encouragement from a friend or loved one can help you when you're feeling less-than-brave. Surround yourself with people who are also committed to vulnerability and bravery, rather than those who allow fearful thoughts to dominate them.\\nHumans are susceptible to “emotional contagion.” It turns out that, just like you can catch a cold, you can also “catch” emotions from the people around you. It's important to surround yourself with people who are accepting and courageous themselves. If you hang out mostly with other people who are terrified of something (and aren't doing anything to manage that fear), you may have more trouble overcoming your own fear.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Attempt difficult tasks.\", \"描述\": \"Succeeding in something that you find challenging can give you a boost in self-confidence. Even if you don't immediately get the hang of your undertaking, treat the challenge as a learning experience and remind yourself that you can take as much time as you need to learn.\\nFor example, you could set a goal to learn the guitar, cook a gourmet French meal, become certified in scuba diving — the only limit is your imagination.\\nSet goals and attempt challenges that are personally meaningful to you. A surefire way to damage your self-confidence is to compare yourself constantly to others. Don't worry what anyone else thinks about your goals; do them for you.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Practice mindfulness.\", \"描述\": \"One reason many people struggle with courage is that we want to avoid feeling sad, angry, or frustrated, so we “tune out” of the suffering that we and others experience. Practicing mindful acceptance of the present experience, without judgment, can help you accept negative emotions as well as the positive ones, which can help you feel braver.\\n\\n Mindfulness meditation can be an excellent way to practice these skills. You can take a class in it, or teach yourself.\\nUCLA offers several downloadable guided meditations. UCSD also has downloadable MP3 meditation guides. Harvard Pilgrim's “Mind the Moment” program has a free course and practice videos for mindfulness practice.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Practicing Bravery Every Day\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Practice accepting uncertainty.\", \"描述\": \"Uncertainty is the source of many fears. However, you can learn to tolerate uncertainty by gradually working it into your daily experience. This will increase your confidence and ability to handle uncertain situations, which will allow you to act with bravery. \\n“Intolerance of uncertainty” causes a lot of anxiety. You may find it hard to accept that something negative may happen in a situation. You may overestimate the risks of a situation or avoid acting because you are worried about the consequences.\\nKeep a journal throughout the day, noting when you feel uncertain, anxious, or afraid. Write down in specific detail what you think is causing these feelings. Also note how you respond to them in the moment.\\nRank your fears. Place the things you're afraid of or anxious about on a scale from 0-10. For example, “Going on a date with a stranger” might be an 8, while “going to a movie I've never seen before” might be a 2.\\nStart slowly learning to manage your fear of uncertainty by practicing in low-risk settings. For example, pick one of the fears you've ranked lower, like “trying a new restaurant,” and practice it. You may end up hating the restaurant, and that's okay. The important thing is to prove to yourself that you can face uncertainty with bravery and come out stronger on the other side.\\nRecord your responses in your journal. Every time you face a fear, record what happened. What did you do? What did it feel like to do it? How did you respond to those feelings? How did it turn out?\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Make specific plans.\", \"描述\": \"It's easy to feel afraid when you don't know what you need to do. Break down challenges and situations into smaller tasks that you can achieve.\\nEnvisioning the possible roadblocks you may encounter can help you act courageously when you run into difficulty. Think about any obstacles you might face and create a plan of action to deal with them.\\nWord your plans and goals in positive language. Research shows that you're more likely to achieve your goals when you frame them positively as something you're working toward, not what you're working away from.\\nKeep your goals performance-based. Remember that you can only control your actions and responses, not anyone else's. Make sure to set goals and make plans that you can accomplish through your own work.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Choose to help others.\", \"描述\": \"When you're afraid or stressed, your natural tendency may be to hide away from the world. However, psychological research suggests that this isn't the most helpful way to boost your courage. Many people display a “tend-and-befriend” tendency, where you react to a stressful situation by expressing care for others. Expressing care for others activates a state of bravery in your brain that can carry over into your own situations. The next time you're feeling fear, try to show someone else compassion or honor their strength. You may find your own increases too.\\nWhen the social caregiving system, regulated by the neurotransmitter oxytocin, is stimulated, you experience greater empathy and connection with others. This system also inhibits the areas of your brain that process fear.\\nThe reward system in your brain releases a powerful neurotransmitter called dopamine that increases your sense of motivation and decreases your sense of fear. Dopamine can make you feel more optimistic and courageous.\\nThe attunement system in your brain relies on the neurotransmitter serotonin. Your self-control and intuition are linked to serotonin, meaning you feel more able to make brave (and smart) decisions.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be brave for 20 seconds.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes, it's too hard to imagine being brave for a whole day, or even a whole hour. Practice being brave for just 20 seconds at a time. You can do anything for only 20 seconds. When you've finished the first set, start another. And another. And another. These little chunks add up.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Consider your decision.\", \"描述\": \"If you're facing a situation that might mean making a brave but difficult decision, take some time to think it over. If you feel strongly about what needs to be done, you can use that to help boost your courage in the moment. Conviction is a major factor in courage. Ask yourself:\\nIs this the right thing to do? The right thing isn't always the easiest, nor the most popular. Rely on your conscience to help you decide.\\nIs this the only way to resolve the situation? Consider whether there are other ways to get around your problem. Is there a workaround you haven't thought of yet?\\nAre you prepared to face the consequences? If the action you're about to do has huge consequences, take an extra second to think about it. If the worst-case scenario happened, would you be able to handle it?\\nWhy you are making this decision? Why is it important to you? What will happen if you don't make it?\\nYou could also make a list of pros and cons for each course of action you can take. What's really the worst that could happen? What's the best that could happen?\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Don't think — act.\", \"描述\": \"After a certain point, it's better if you stop dwelling on what you're about to do and just do it. Overthinking not only can talk you out of taking action, it can stress you out and make you feel like you can't do anything. Take a deep breath, try to clear your mind, and go forward with what you've already decided on. Don't hesitate, and focus on just getting through it.\\nIt can help to repeat your affirmations while you're taking this action. Confidence is important to getting you through the first step. As you continue to act, you'll continue to feel braver.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Fake it till you make it.\", \"描述\": \"Learning to tolerate the uncertainty and discomfort of certain situations is just that — a constant learning experience. You won't be brave overnight. But research has shown that “putting on a brave face,” even when you're not feeling brave, can help you become braver.\\nDon't wait until you “feel” brave. Often, even people we think of as courageous — firefighters, soldiers, doctors — don't feel brave in the moment. They just know what has to be done, and they choose to do it.\\nOn the flip side, believing that you can't do something is likely to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your belief in yourself can either help or hinder your performance.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is having enough strength to get up and try again.\\n\", \"Remember, courage is not the absence of fear, but the strength to confront that fear.\\n\", \"When you need to summon up courage, remember other challenges you overcame. Everyone has been brave at some time (learning to ride a bike, for example). You can be brave again.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"There is a fine line between bravery and stupidity. Regardless of how brave you are, don't take risks you don't need to take.\\n\"]}]}}",
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3,577 | How to Be Brave in Front of a Group of People | 1. Presenting a Speech
1-1. Practice before you need to get in front of people.
Start by reading your speech out loud without anyone around so you get used to giving your presentation. When you get more comfortable speaking to yourself, find family members or close friends that will listen in a private setting. Ask for any feedback and try your presentation multiple times until you feel comfortable in a group.
Work your way up to presenting in front of a large group. Try speaking to 1 person and gradually increase how many people you invite to listen.
If you can, use a microphone similar to what you’d use at the final presentation.
1-2. Double check any notes or outlines you’re using while you speak.
Make sure any electronics you’re using during your presentation work and that all distractions are turned off. Look over any note cards or documents you’re using to make sure everything is in the correct order. If you need to, make adjustments with a pen and highlighter so you can easily see them while presenting.
Do your best to memorize as much of your speech as possible just in case you leave your notes at home or there are technical difficulties.
If your speech relies on visuals, make sure to practice explaining what your pictures or graphs are in case the projector doesn’t work.
1-3. Do a few stretches to loosen up and reduce stress before speaking.
When you get nervous, your body will feel tight and stiff. Stretch your arms, back, and legs 15 minutes before you’re supposed to give your presentation so you don’t feel as tense.
If you’re feeling antsy, try shaking your arms out to relieve the stress
1-4. Focus on getting through 5 minutes at a time.
If you have to give a longer presentation, look at the time you’re speaking in 5-minute chunks. Memorize the moments in your speech that happen every 5 minutes when you’re practicing. This way, instead of worrying about the entire speech, you only have to focus on what you’re saying for a small increment of time.
If you’re calm during the first 5 minutes of your speech, you’ll maintain that feeling for the rest of your speech.
1-5. Speak slowly to calm your nerves.
As you’re delivering your speech, it’s easy to speak too fast because you’re nervous. When you feel like you’re rushing through your speech, pause and take a breath before continuing so you can slow down.
Be careful not to speak too slow or your audience may find the speech boring.
Aim to speak at approximately 190 words per minute to keep a steady, but effective pace to your speech.
1-6. Continue your presentation even if things go wrong.
Focus on your speech rather than any technical issues that may occur. If your microphone stops working, set it down and just continue with a louder voice. If you had a projector or a slideshow, continue on the parts of your speech that don’t require any visuals.
Avoid getting stressed out over technical issues since the people working behind the scenes will be working on the problem.
Don’t draw attention to your nervous feelings since it could distract the audience from the main point of your presentation. Instead, continue with your speech like everything is fine.
1-7. Thank your audience for listening to you if you’re giving a speech.
Make sure to say thank you at the beginning and end of your presentation so your audience knows that you appreciate them. Showing gratitude can also help show people that you are confident and makes your speech stand out more.
If you’re giving a presentation where other coworkers or people helped you, make sure to thank them during your speech so you give them credit.
2. Speaking up at Meetings
2-1. Prepare something to say before the meeting starts.
If you know the subject of the meeting you’re attending, try to find a problem you want to address or a concern you have. Write them down on a notepad to bring with you to the meeting so you’re reminded to bring it up.
Make sure to talk about something you’re knowledgable in so you don’t overstep any boundaries.
If the meeting is about a specific problem, brainstorm a few answers or suggestions you could bring up during the meeting.
2-2. Talk to other people one at a time before the meeting starts.
Arrive at your meeting early so you don’t feel rushed or short on time. As other people arrive, make small talk with them so you feel more comfortable and confident. That way, you build a good repertoire with others before saying something to the entire group.
2-3. Say something within the first 10-15 minutes of the meeting.
If you wait too long to speak during your meeting, other people may bring up your point. Aim to be one of the first few people to speak within the first 10-15 minutes so you can establish a confident voice.
Even if you don’t have something substantial to say, affirming another person’s comment can make an impact.
2-4. Pose thought-provoking questions related to the meeting topic.
Listen carefully to what other people in the meeting bring up and ask questions if you have concerns about their approach. Talk about “next steps” or a different method that you may think works better. As you ask these sorts of questions, others will notice that you make useful contributions and that you care about your job.
2-5. Ask your manager or mentor for feedback about how you’ve spoken up.
Once the meeting is over, talk to someone you trust about how much you spoke during the meeting. Ask them what you could change about how you speak to the group. They can tell you if you should talk more in the meetings or if you’re speaking too much, and offer pointers on what to do next time.
Speaking to a higher-up also shows initiative in your job and makes you seem like a hard worker who’s looking to improve.
3. Talking in a Group Conversation
3-1. Position yourself in the middle of the group you’re talking with.
Instead of standing at the edge of a conversation, try to insert yourself into the middle of the group so you’re more likely to be included. When you’re there, others feel like you’re part of the discussion and talk to you more.
Even if you don’t speak all the time while you’re in the middle of the group, stay engaged by making eye contact and having an interested expression.
3-2. Remind yourself to say something every few minutes.
If you haven’t said anything in a few minutes, make a comment or ask a question related to what you’re talking about. This can help bring up new conversation topics or steer the conversation in a direction that you want to talk about.
Actively listen to the conversation so you can contribute. For example, if someone mentions that they saw a movie, ask if they enjoyed it and why.
If you feel too much pressure while making conversation, let yourself be quiet for a little while to ease your stress.
If you're a new person in a group of people who all know each other, make sure to chime in since they may not acknowledge you as much on their own.
3-3. Try making small contributions to the conversation so you don’t seem quiet.
Even if you aren’t leading the conversation, you can still make your voice be heard. Small interjections, such as, “Yeah, totally,” or, “No way!” can help add to the conversation and make you feel like you’re involved.
Starting with small talk can help ease you into being more confident in future conversations.
3-4. Work your way into a conversation if you’re being excluded.
If other people are talking amongst themselves but they aren’t including you, do your best to add comments or contribute your point of view. If they’re talking about something you're unfamiliar with, ask questions about it so you can feel more involved.
For example, if you hear your friends talking about a movie, you could ask, “I saw that too. What did you think of it?”
4. Having Confident Body Language
4-1. Take slow and deep breaths beforehand.
Take some time to breathe so you can calm down. Breathe in through your nose for 5 seconds, and then hold your breath for 1 second before you exhale through your nose or mouth. Keep taking deep breaths for 2-3 minutes until you feel more relaxed.
Many phone apps can guide you through breathing in order to calm down. Look for one on your device’s app store.
4-2. Smile often.
Smiling makes your voice sound happier and will help hide your nerves while you’re talking to a group of people. Others will see you as a friendly, confident, and approachable person.
Make sure to smile at appropriate times. For example, smiling throughout an entire eulogy at a funeral may not work the best, but you may smile if you’re sharing a funny memory.
4-3. Maintain eye contact while you talk.
Avoid looking at a wall or the floor since other people in the group will see that you’re nervous. Pick a few people around the room to focus on while you’re talking so they feel connected with you and to draw them into what you’re saying.
Avoid staring at one person for too long so they don’t feel uncomfortable.
4-4. Keep good posture and body language while speaking.
Straighten your back instead of slouching since this will make you look more confident. Keep your head high and your shoulders back so you can take deep breaths and calm down if you need to.
Avoid crossing your arms in front of you since it will make you seem closed off.
Tips
Learn from each opportunity you have to interact with a big group so you can improve in the future.
Always arrive early to places so you don’t feel rushed and anxious.
Wear clothes that are appropriate for the occasion that are also comfortable. That way, you’ll feel more confident and relaxed while speaking.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:24",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Presenting a Speech\\n1-1. Practice before you need to get in front of people.\\nStart by reading your speech out loud without anyone around so you get used to giving your presentation. When you get more comfortable speaking to yourself, find family members or close friends that will listen in a private setting. Ask for any feedback and try your presentation multiple times until you feel comfortable in a group.\\nWork your way up to presenting in front of a large group. Try speaking to 1 person and gradually increase how many people you invite to listen.\\nIf you can, use a microphone similar to what you’d use at the final presentation.\\n1-2. Double check any notes or outlines you’re using while you speak.\\nMake sure any electronics you’re using during your presentation work and that all distractions are turned off. Look over any note cards or documents you’re using to make sure everything is in the correct order. If you need to, make adjustments with a pen and highlighter so you can easily see them while presenting.\\nDo your best to memorize as much of your speech as possible just in case you leave your notes at home or there are technical difficulties.\\nIf your speech relies on visuals, make sure to practice explaining what your pictures or graphs are in case the projector doesn’t work.\\n1-3. Do a few stretches to loosen up and reduce stress before speaking.\\nWhen you get nervous, your body will feel tight and stiff. Stretch your arms, back, and legs 15 minutes before you’re supposed to give your presentation so you don’t feel as tense.\\nIf you’re feeling antsy, try shaking your arms out to relieve the stress\\n1-4. Focus on getting through 5 minutes at a time.\\nIf you have to give a longer presentation, look at the time you’re speaking in 5-minute chunks. Memorize the moments in your speech that happen every 5 minutes when you’re practicing. This way, instead of worrying about the entire speech, you only have to focus on what you’re saying for a small increment of time.\\nIf you’re calm during the first 5 minutes of your speech, you’ll maintain that feeling for the rest of your speech.\\n1-5. Speak slowly to calm your nerves.\\nAs you’re delivering your speech, it’s easy to speak too fast because you’re nervous. When you feel like you’re rushing through your speech, pause and take a breath before continuing so you can slow down.\\nBe careful not to speak too slow or your audience may find the speech boring.\\nAim to speak at approximately 190 words per minute to keep a steady, but effective pace to your speech.\\n1-6. Continue your presentation even if things go wrong.\\nFocus on your speech rather than any technical issues that may occur. If your microphone stops working, set it down and just continue with a louder voice. If you had a projector or a slideshow, continue on the parts of your speech that don’t require any visuals.\\nAvoid getting stressed out over technical issues since the people working behind the scenes will be working on the problem.\\nDon’t draw attention to your nervous feelings since it could distract the audience from the main point of your presentation. Instead, continue with your speech like everything is fine.\\n1-7. Thank your audience for listening to you if you’re giving a speech.\\nMake sure to say thank you at the beginning and end of your presentation so your audience knows that you appreciate them. Showing gratitude can also help show people that you are confident and makes your speech stand out more.\\nIf you’re giving a presentation where other coworkers or people helped you, make sure to thank them during your speech so you give them credit.\\n2. Speaking up at Meetings\\n2-1. Prepare something to say before the meeting starts.\\nIf you know the subject of the meeting you’re attending, try to find a problem you want to address or a concern you have. Write them down on a notepad to bring with you to the meeting so you’re reminded to bring it up.\\nMake sure to talk about something you’re knowledgable in so you don’t overstep any boundaries.\\nIf the meeting is about a specific problem, brainstorm a few answers or suggestions you could bring up during the meeting.\\n2-2. Talk to other people one at a time before the meeting starts.\\nArrive at your meeting early so you don’t feel rushed or short on time. As other people arrive, make small talk with them so you feel more comfortable and confident. That way, you build a good repertoire with others before saying something to the entire group.\\n2-3. Say something within the first 10-15 minutes of the meeting.\\nIf you wait too long to speak during your meeting, other people may bring up your point. Aim to be one of the first few people to speak within the first 10-15 minutes so you can establish a confident voice.\\nEven if you don’t have something substantial to say, affirming another person’s comment can make an impact.\\n2-4. Pose thought-provoking questions related to the meeting topic.\\nListen carefully to what other people in the meeting bring up and ask questions if you have concerns about their approach. Talk about “next steps” or a different method that you may think works better. As you ask these sorts of questions, others will notice that you make useful contributions and that you care about your job.\\n2-5. Ask your manager or mentor for feedback about how you’ve spoken up.\\nOnce the meeting is over, talk to someone you trust about how much you spoke during the meeting. Ask them what you could change about how you speak to the group. They can tell you if you should talk more in the meetings or if you’re speaking too much, and offer pointers on what to do next time.\\nSpeaking to a higher-up also shows initiative in your job and makes you seem like a hard worker who’s looking to improve.\\n3. Talking in a Group Conversation\\n3-1. Position yourself in the middle of the group you’re talking with.\\nInstead of standing at the edge of a conversation, try to insert yourself into the middle of the group so you’re more likely to be included. When you’re there, others feel like you’re part of the discussion and talk to you more.\\nEven if you don’t speak all the time while you’re in the middle of the group, stay engaged by making eye contact and having an interested expression.\\n3-2. Remind yourself to say something every few minutes.\\nIf you haven’t said anything in a few minutes, make a comment or ask a question related to what you’re talking about. This can help bring up new conversation topics or steer the conversation in a direction that you want to talk about.\\nActively listen to the conversation so you can contribute. For example, if someone mentions that they saw a movie, ask if they enjoyed it and why.\\nIf you feel too much pressure while making conversation, let yourself be quiet for a little while to ease your stress.\\nIf you're a new person in a group of people who all know each other, make sure to chime in since they may not acknowledge you as much on their own.\\n3-3. Try making small contributions to the conversation so you don’t seem quiet.\\nEven if you aren’t leading the conversation, you can still make your voice be heard. Small interjections, such as, “Yeah, totally,” or, “No way!” can help add to the conversation and make you feel like you’re involved.\\nStarting with small talk can help ease you into being more confident in future conversations.\\n3-4. Work your way into a conversation if you’re being excluded.\\nIf other people are talking amongst themselves but they aren’t including you, do your best to add comments or contribute your point of view. If they’re talking about something you're unfamiliar with, ask questions about it so you can feel more involved.\\nFor example, if you hear your friends talking about a movie, you could ask, “I saw that too. What did you think of it?”\\n4. Having Confident Body Language\\n4-1. Take slow and deep breaths beforehand.\\nTake some time to breathe so you can calm down. Breathe in through your nose for 5 seconds, and then hold your breath for 1 second before you exhale through your nose or mouth. Keep taking deep breaths for 2-3 minutes until you feel more relaxed.\\nMany phone apps can guide you through breathing in order to calm down. Look for one on your device’s app store.\\n4-2. Smile often.\\nSmiling makes your voice sound happier and will help hide your nerves while you’re talking to a group of people. Others will see you as a friendly, confident, and approachable person.\\nMake sure to smile at appropriate times. For example, smiling throughout an entire eulogy at a funeral may not work the best, but you may smile if you’re sharing a funny memory.\\n4-3. Maintain eye contact while you talk.\\nAvoid looking at a wall or the floor since other people in the group will see that you’re nervous. Pick a few people around the room to focus on while you’re talking so they feel connected with you and to draw them into what you’re saying.\\nAvoid staring at one person for too long so they don’t feel uncomfortable.\\n4-4. Keep good posture and body language while speaking.\\nStraighten your back instead of slouching since this will make you look more confident. Keep your head high and your shoulders back so you can take deep breaths and calm down if you need to.\\nAvoid crossing your arms in front of you since it will make you seem closed off.\\nTips\\nLearn from each opportunity you have to interact with a big group so you can improve in the future.\\nAlways arrive early to places so you don’t feel rushed and anxious.\\nWear clothes that are appropriate for the occasion that are also comfortable. That way, you’ll feel more confident and relaxed while speaking.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Talking in front of a group of people can be a nerve-wracking experience. Public speaking is one of the most common fears, but you can still talk to a large group even if you’re feeling nervous. Whether you’re giving a speech, trying to speak up at meetings, or talking with friends, staying confident will help your voice be heard!\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Presenting a Speech\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Practice before you need to get in front of people.\", \"描述\": \"Start by reading your speech out loud without anyone around so you get used to giving your presentation. When you get more comfortable speaking to yourself, find family members or close friends that will listen in a private setting. Ask for any feedback and try your presentation multiple times until you feel comfortable in a group.\\nWork your way up to presenting in front of a large group. Try speaking to 1 person and gradually increase how many people you invite to listen.\\nIf you can, use a microphone similar to what you’d use at the final presentation.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Double check any notes or outlines you’re using while you speak.\", \"描述\": \"Make sure any electronics you’re using during your presentation work and that all distractions are turned off. Look over any note cards or documents you’re using to make sure everything is in the correct order. If you need to, make adjustments with a pen and highlighter so you can easily see them while presenting.\\nDo your best to memorize as much of your speech as possible just in case you leave your notes at home or there are technical difficulties.\\nIf your speech relies on visuals, make sure to practice explaining what your pictures or graphs are in case the projector doesn’t work.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Do a few stretches to loosen up and reduce stress before speaking.\", \"描述\": \"When you get nervous, your body will feel tight and stiff. Stretch your arms, back, and legs 15 minutes before you’re supposed to give your presentation so you don’t feel as tense.\\nIf you’re feeling antsy, try shaking your arms out to relieve the stress\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Focus on getting through 5 minutes at a time.\", \"描述\": \"If you have to give a longer presentation, look at the time you’re speaking in 5-minute chunks. Memorize the moments in your speech that happen every 5 minutes when you’re practicing. This way, instead of worrying about the entire speech, you only have to focus on what you’re saying for a small increment of time.\\nIf you’re calm during the first 5 minutes of your speech, you’ll maintain that feeling for the rest of your speech.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Speak slowly to calm your nerves.\", \"描述\": \"As you’re delivering your speech, it’s easy to speak too fast because you’re nervous. When you feel like you’re rushing through your speech, pause and take a breath before continuing so you can slow down.\\nBe careful not to speak too slow or your audience may find the speech boring.\\nAim to speak at approximately 190 words per minute to keep a steady, but effective pace to your speech.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Continue your presentation even if things go wrong.\", \"描述\": \"Focus on your speech rather than any technical issues that may occur. If your microphone stops working, set it down and just continue with a louder voice. If you had a projector or a slideshow, continue on the parts of your speech that don’t require any visuals.\\nAvoid getting stressed out over technical issues since the people working behind the scenes will be working on the problem.\\nDon’t draw attention to your nervous feelings since it could distract the audience from the main point of your presentation. Instead, continue with your speech like everything is fine.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Thank your audience for listening to you if you’re giving a speech.\", \"描述\": \"Make sure to say thank you at the beginning and end of your presentation so your audience knows that you appreciate them. Showing gratitude can also help show people that you are confident and makes your speech stand out more.\\nIf you’re giving a presentation where other coworkers or people helped you, make sure to thank them during your speech so you give them credit.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Speaking up at Meetings\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Prepare something to say before the meeting starts.\", \"描述\": \"If you know the subject of the meeting you’re attending, try to find a problem you want to address or a concern you have. Write them down on a notepad to bring with you to the meeting so you’re reminded to bring it up.\\nMake sure to talk about something you’re knowledgable in so you don’t overstep any boundaries.\\nIf the meeting is about a specific problem, brainstorm a few answers or suggestions you could bring up during the meeting.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Talk to other people one at a time before the meeting starts.\", \"描述\": \"Arrive at your meeting early so you don’t feel rushed or short on time. As other people arrive, make small talk with them so you feel more comfortable and confident. That way, you build a good repertoire with others before saying something to the entire group.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Say something within the first 10-15 minutes of the meeting.\", \"描述\": \"If you wait too long to speak during your meeting, other people may bring up your point. Aim to be one of the first few people to speak within the first 10-15 minutes so you can establish a confident voice.\\nEven if you don’t have something substantial to say, affirming another person’s comment can make an impact.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Pose thought-provoking questions related to the meeting topic.\", \"描述\": \"Listen carefully to what other people in the meeting bring up and ask questions if you have concerns about their approach. Talk about “next steps” or a different method that you may think works better. As you ask these sorts of questions, others will notice that you make useful contributions and that you care about your job.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Ask your manager or mentor for feedback about how you’ve spoken up.\", \"描述\": \"Once the meeting is over, talk to someone you trust about how much you spoke during the meeting. Ask them what you could change about how you speak to the group. They can tell you if you should talk more in the meetings or if you’re speaking too much, and offer pointers on what to do next time.\\nSpeaking to a higher-up also shows initiative in your job and makes you seem like a hard worker who’s looking to improve.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Talking in a Group Conversation\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Position yourself in the middle of the group you’re talking with.\", \"描述\": \"Instead of standing at the edge of a conversation, try to insert yourself into the middle of the group so you’re more likely to be included. When you’re there, others feel like you’re part of the discussion and talk to you more.\\nEven if you don’t speak all the time while you’re in the middle of the group, stay engaged by making eye contact and having an interested expression.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Remind yourself to say something every few minutes.\", \"描述\": \"If you haven’t said anything in a few minutes, make a comment or ask a question related to what you’re talking about. This can help bring up new conversation topics or steer the conversation in a direction that you want to talk about.\\nActively listen to the conversation so you can contribute. For example, if someone mentions that they saw a movie, ask if they enjoyed it and why.\\nIf you feel too much pressure while making conversation, let yourself be quiet for a little while to ease your stress.\\nIf you're a new person in a group of people who all know each other, make sure to chime in since they may not acknowledge you as much on their own.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Try making small contributions to the conversation so you don’t seem quiet.\", \"描述\": \"Even if you aren’t leading the conversation, you can still make your voice be heard. Small interjections, such as, “Yeah, totally,” or, “No way!” can help add to the conversation and make you feel like you’re involved.\\nStarting with small talk can help ease you into being more confident in future conversations.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Work your way into a conversation if you’re being excluded.\", \"描述\": \"If other people are talking amongst themselves but they aren’t including you, do your best to add comments or contribute your point of view. If they’re talking about something you're unfamiliar with, ask questions about it so you can feel more involved.\\nFor example, if you hear your friends talking about a movie, you could ask, “I saw that too. What did you think of it?”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Having Confident Body Language\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Take slow and deep breaths beforehand.\", \"描述\": \"Take some time to breathe so you can calm down. Breathe in through your nose for 5 seconds, and then hold your breath for 1 second before you exhale through your nose or mouth. Keep taking deep breaths for 2-3 minutes until you feel more relaxed.\\nMany phone apps can guide you through breathing in order to calm down. Look for one on your device’s app store.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Smile often.\", \"描述\": \"Smiling makes your voice sound happier and will help hide your nerves while you’re talking to a group of people. Others will see you as a friendly, confident, and approachable person.\\nMake sure to smile at appropriate times. For example, smiling throughout an entire eulogy at a funeral may not work the best, but you may smile if you’re sharing a funny memory.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Maintain eye contact while you talk.\", \"描述\": \"Avoid looking at a wall or the floor since other people in the group will see that you’re nervous. Pick a few people around the room to focus on while you’re talking so they feel connected with you and to draw them into what you’re saying.\\nAvoid staring at one person for too long so they don’t feel uncomfortable.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Keep good posture and body language while speaking.\", \"描述\": \"Straighten your back instead of slouching since this will make you look more confident. Keep your head high and your shoulders back so you can take deep breaths and calm down if you need to.\\nAvoid crossing your arms in front of you since it will make you seem closed off.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Learn from each opportunity you have to interact with a big group so you can improve in the future.\\n\", \"Always arrive early to places so you don’t feel rushed and anxious.\\n\", \"Wear clothes that are appropriate for the occasion that are also comfortable. That way, you’ll feel more confident and relaxed while speaking.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,578 | How to Be Brave on Your First Big Roller Coaster | 1. Building up Your Confidence
1-1. Go on progressively bigger rides.
One way to build your confidence before going on a big roller coaster is to go on smaller rides and work your way up to the big one. Going on smaller rides will get you familiar with the sensation of being on a roller coaster so that you won’t be overwhelmed or scared in the bigger ride.
Try to go on roller coasters with similar elements as the big roller coaster. For instance, if the big roller coaster has multiple upside down loops, try to go on a roller coaster that one or two smaller upside down loops so you know what it feels like.
1-2. Don’t eat beforehand.
Some people fear that they will get sick when they ride their first big roller coaster. Although this is much less common than people think, it’s a good idea not to eat or drink a large amount before getting on the roller coaster. Your stomach may already be in knots, and you can always have a celebratory ice cream after you finish the ride!
It’s perfectly fine to eat a moderate amount before going on a roller coaster if you feel comfortable doing it. Not eating beforehand is a good way to soothe anxiety for those who are worried about getting sick on the ride.
1-3. Understand the safety features.
Many people who are afraid of roller coasters fear that they will get hurt during the ride or get dislodged and fall while on the roller coaster. Appease this fear by reading about or observing the safety features of the roller coaster that you want to try.
All roller coasters have bars or even cages that come down and locks before the ride starts. These bars are made to keep you safe, and only unlock after the ride is over.
The bars usually go across your chest and also between your legs, so there is no way that you would be able to slip out of the roller coaster, even if it goes upside down.
The carts of roller coasters are connected to the rails, so it would be impossible for the cart to fall off. They also have an anti-roll back system that ensures that the carts keep moving forward as opposed to rolling backward.
1-4. Know what to expect.
While you are standing in line, observe the roller coaster that you want to go on. Watch one complete cycle of the ride so that you know exactly when all the turns and loops are. Knowing exactly what you’re in for will make you feel more confident and less intimidated.
1-5. Watch the kids laughing and smiling after getting off the roller coaster.
While you are in line for the roller coaster, watch the people getting off the ride. They most likely will be excited and happy, talking about how fun the ride is. Seeing the reaction of people who have experienced the roller coaster should help you feel more certain that you’ll have a good time.
1-6. Chat with your friends as you wait.
Instead of worrying silently to yourself, talk with your friends as you are waiting in line. Chatting, laughing and staying positive will help to make you feel more brave and sure of yourself.
2. Feeling Brave on the Ride
2-1. Sit next to a friend.
Don’t allow yourself to get separated from your friends while you are boarding the ride. If the person working at the ride tries to seat you separately, tell them that you prefer to sit with your friend. A familiar face by your side will give you the courage that you need.
2-2. Sit in the middle of the train.
If you can, aim for a seat near the middle of the train. If you’re already scared, it’s best not to sit in the front row where the ride can seem the scariest, or the back where it tends to be bumpiest. The middle is the best location for those who feel nervous because it offers the smoothest ride and places you in the midst of the other rows so that you feel more secure.
2-3. Hold on to the restraints.
After you have sat down on the ride and are harnessed into your seat, grab hold of the bars near your chest. Rattle them as hard as you can so that you can see that you’re firmly strapped in, and that even with all your weight pressed against them, the restraints will hold.
Holding onto the bars during the ride also helps you to feel more grounded and secure.
2-4. Take a few deep breaths before the ride starts.
Breathe deeply to relax your body and your mind before the ride starts. When people are nervous, they often hold their breath or breathe shallowly, which only adds to a quickened heart rate and feelings of anxiety.
2-5. Keep your eyes open.
Even though it may seem counterintuitive, it’s actually better to keep your eyes open rather than shutting them during a roller coaster ride. Closing your eyes will prevent you from seeing what is coming on the ride, and psychologically makes you feel like you have less control over what is happening.
When you are able to see that you are going to go down a big drop or go upside down, your body instinctually braces itself. If you don’t do this, the ride feels much rockier and wilder.
2-6. Scream to release tension.
Screaming on a roller coaster keeps your blood flowing and helps you to release your tension and anxiety. A roller coaster is one of the only places where you can scream your head off without any judgment, so go for it!
3. Thinking Positive Thoughts
3-1. Think of all the things that used to scare you that you now love.
Because fear stems from negative thoughts, try to think encouraging and positive thoughts before and during the roller coaster ride. Start by remembering all the things that you were afraid of doing the first time that you now love to do.
These could be things like flying, going go-carting or riding a bike for the first time.
Think back on how scared or nervous you were to do these things for the first time. This should help you put the roller coaster ride into perspective, and you will be able to see that riding big roller coasters may be something that you discover you love to do!
3-2. Remember that roller coasters are safe.
If you are afraid of getting hurt while riding the roller coaster, take a step back and remember that the chances of getting hurt on a roller coaster are much less than that of driving in a car, something that you likely do every day.
Even though roller coasters seem more extreme, remember that they are designed very carefully and regulated closely to ensure the safety of their passengers.
The chances of getting fatally injured on a roller coaster are 1 in 1.5 billion, which is a minuscule chance that is exponentially smaller than getting hurt in a car accident.
3-3. Remind yourself that people love roller coasters for a reason.
Roller coasters are designed to be fun. Even if the prospect of riding the roller coaster makes you nervous, remember that millions of people wouldn’t enjoy riding roller coasters if they weren’t enjoyable.
3-4. Visualize yourself on the roller coaster.
Visualization is a powerful tool that can help you feel less nervous. Before you go on the ride, close your eyes and try to see yourself on the roller coaster smiling and having a good time.
As simple as it sounds, having this mental picture of yourself having a good time can help you ease your nerves and start thinking of the roller coaster as something you actually will enjoy!
Tips
Consider asking a friend or older sibling what their first time on a roller coaster was like.
If you need more encouragement, remember the bragging rights that you’ll have once you finish your ride!
If you are still really scared, remember that there is no shame in deciding to ride the roller coaster a different day. You’ll do it eventually!
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:24",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Building up Your Confidence\\n1-1. Go on progressively bigger rides.\\nOne way to build your confidence before going on a big roller coaster is to go on smaller rides and work your way up to the big one. Going on smaller rides will get you familiar with the sensation of being on a roller coaster so that you won’t be overwhelmed or scared in the bigger ride.\\nTry to go on roller coasters with similar elements as the big roller coaster. For instance, if the big roller coaster has multiple upside down loops, try to go on a roller coaster that one or two smaller upside down loops so you know what it feels like.\\n1-2. Don’t eat beforehand.\\nSome people fear that they will get sick when they ride their first big roller coaster. Although this is much less common than people think, it’s a good idea not to eat or drink a large amount before getting on the roller coaster. Your stomach may already be in knots, and you can always have a celebratory ice cream after you finish the ride!\\nIt’s perfectly fine to eat a moderate amount before going on a roller coaster if you feel comfortable doing it. Not eating beforehand is a good way to soothe anxiety for those who are worried about getting sick on the ride.\\n1-3. Understand the safety features.\\nMany people who are afraid of roller coasters fear that they will get hurt during the ride or get dislodged and fall while on the roller coaster. Appease this fear by reading about or observing the safety features of the roller coaster that you want to try.\\nAll roller coasters have bars or even cages that come down and locks before the ride starts. These bars are made to keep you safe, and only unlock after the ride is over.\\nThe bars usually go across your chest and also between your legs, so there is no way that you would be able to slip out of the roller coaster, even if it goes upside down.\\nThe carts of roller coasters are connected to the rails, so it would be impossible for the cart to fall off. They also have an anti-roll back system that ensures that the carts keep moving forward as opposed to rolling backward.\\n1-4. Know what to expect.\\nWhile you are standing in line, observe the roller coaster that you want to go on. Watch one complete cycle of the ride so that you know exactly when all the turns and loops are. Knowing exactly what you’re in for will make you feel more confident and less intimidated.\\n1-5. Watch the kids laughing and smiling after getting off the roller coaster.\\nWhile you are in line for the roller coaster, watch the people getting off the ride. They most likely will be excited and happy, talking about how fun the ride is. Seeing the reaction of people who have experienced the roller coaster should help you feel more certain that you’ll have a good time.\\n1-6. Chat with your friends as you wait.\\nInstead of worrying silently to yourself, talk with your friends as you are waiting in line. Chatting, laughing and staying positive will help to make you feel more brave and sure of yourself.\\n2. Feeling Brave on the Ride\\n2-1. Sit next to a friend.\\nDon’t allow yourself to get separated from your friends while you are boarding the ride. If the person working at the ride tries to seat you separately, tell them that you prefer to sit with your friend. A familiar face by your side will give you the courage that you need.\\n2-2. Sit in the middle of the train.\\nIf you can, aim for a seat near the middle of the train. If you’re already scared, it’s best not to sit in the front row where the ride can seem the scariest, or the back where it tends to be bumpiest. The middle is the best location for those who feel nervous because it offers the smoothest ride and places you in the midst of the other rows so that you feel more secure.\\n2-3. Hold on to the restraints.\\nAfter you have sat down on the ride and are harnessed into your seat, grab hold of the bars near your chest. Rattle them as hard as you can so that you can see that you’re firmly strapped in, and that even with all your weight pressed against them, the restraints will hold.\\nHolding onto the bars during the ride also helps you to feel more grounded and secure.\\n2-4. Take a few deep breaths before the ride starts.\\nBreathe deeply to relax your body and your mind before the ride starts. When people are nervous, they often hold their breath or breathe shallowly, which only adds to a quickened heart rate and feelings of anxiety.\\n2-5. Keep your eyes open.\\nEven though it may seem counterintuitive, it’s actually better to keep your eyes open rather than shutting them during a roller coaster ride. Closing your eyes will prevent you from seeing what is coming on the ride, and psychologically makes you feel like you have less control over what is happening.\\nWhen you are able to see that you are going to go down a big drop or go upside down, your body instinctually braces itself. If you don’t do this, the ride feels much rockier and wilder.\\n2-6. Scream to release tension.\\nScreaming on a roller coaster keeps your blood flowing and helps you to release your tension and anxiety. A roller coaster is one of the only places where you can scream your head off without any judgment, so go for it!\\n3. Thinking Positive Thoughts\\n3-1. Think of all the things that used to scare you that you now love.\\nBecause fear stems from negative thoughts, try to think encouraging and positive thoughts before and during the roller coaster ride. Start by remembering all the things that you were afraid of doing the first time that you now love to do.\\nThese could be things like flying, going go-carting or riding a bike for the first time.\\nThink back on how scared or nervous you were to do these things for the first time. This should help you put the roller coaster ride into perspective, and you will be able to see that riding big roller coasters may be something that you discover you love to do!\\n3-2. Remember that roller coasters are safe.\\nIf you are afraid of getting hurt while riding the roller coaster, take a step back and remember that the chances of getting hurt on a roller coaster are much less than that of driving in a car, something that you likely do every day.\\nEven though roller coasters seem more extreme, remember that they are designed very carefully and regulated closely to ensure the safety of their passengers.\\nThe chances of getting fatally injured on a roller coaster are 1 in 1.5 billion, which is a minuscule chance that is exponentially smaller than getting hurt in a car accident.\\n3-3. Remind yourself that people love roller coasters for a reason.\\nRoller coasters are designed to be fun. Even if the prospect of riding the roller coaster makes you nervous, remember that millions of people wouldn’t enjoy riding roller coasters if they weren’t enjoyable.\\n3-4. Visualize yourself on the roller coaster.\\nVisualization is a powerful tool that can help you feel less nervous. Before you go on the ride, close your eyes and try to see yourself on the roller coaster smiling and having a good time.\\nAs simple as it sounds, having this mental picture of yourself having a good time can help you ease your nerves and start thinking of the roller coaster as something you actually will enjoy!\\nTips\\nConsider asking a friend or older sibling what their first time on a roller coaster was like.\\nIf you need more encouragement, remember the bragging rights that you’ll have once you finish your ride!\\nIf you are still really scared, remember that there is no shame in deciding to ride the roller coaster a different day. You’ll do it eventually!\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Going on your first big roller coaster is a nerve-wracking experience. Even just looking at a huge ride with its drops and quick turns is enough to get your heart racing. Feel more confident by starting out on smaller roller coasters, and by keeping in mind that roller coasters are safe and are designed to be fun. With these encouraging thoughts in mind, get onto the roller coaster with a friend, get strapped in, take a few deep breaths, and enjoy the thrill ride!\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Building up Your Confidence\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Go on progressively bigger rides.\", \"描述\": \"One way to build your confidence before going on a big roller coaster is to go on smaller rides and work your way up to the big one. Going on smaller rides will get you familiar with the sensation of being on a roller coaster so that you won’t be overwhelmed or scared in the bigger ride.\\nTry to go on roller coasters with similar elements as the big roller coaster. For instance, if the big roller coaster has multiple upside down loops, try to go on a roller coaster that one or two smaller upside down loops so you know what it feels like.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Don’t eat beforehand.\", \"描述\": \"Some people fear that they will get sick when they ride their first big roller coaster. Although this is much less common than people think, it’s a good idea not to eat or drink a large amount before getting on the roller coaster. Your stomach may already be in knots, and you can always have a celebratory ice cream after you finish the ride!\\nIt’s perfectly fine to eat a moderate amount before going on a roller coaster if you feel comfortable doing it. Not eating beforehand is a good way to soothe anxiety for those who are worried about getting sick on the ride.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Understand the safety features.\", \"描述\": \"Many people who are afraid of roller coasters fear that they will get hurt during the ride or get dislodged and fall while on the roller coaster. Appease this fear by reading about or observing the safety features of the roller coaster that you want to try.\\nAll roller coasters have bars or even cages that come down and locks before the ride starts. These bars are made to keep you safe, and only unlock after the ride is over.\\nThe bars usually go across your chest and also between your legs, so there is no way that you would be able to slip out of the roller coaster, even if it goes upside down.\\nThe carts of roller coasters are connected to the rails, so it would be impossible for the cart to fall off. They also have an anti-roll back system that ensures that the carts keep moving forward as opposed to rolling backward.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Know what to expect.\", \"描述\": \"While you are standing in line, observe the roller coaster that you want to go on. Watch one complete cycle of the ride so that you know exactly when all the turns and loops are. Knowing exactly what you’re in for will make you feel more confident and less intimidated.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Watch the kids laughing and smiling after getting off the roller coaster.\", \"描述\": \"While you are in line for the roller coaster, watch the people getting off the ride. They most likely will be excited and happy, talking about how fun the ride is. Seeing the reaction of people who have experienced the roller coaster should help you feel more certain that you’ll have a good time.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Chat with your friends as you wait.\", \"描述\": \"Instead of worrying silently to yourself, talk with your friends as you are waiting in line. Chatting, laughing and staying positive will help to make you feel more brave and sure of yourself.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Feeling Brave on the Ride\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Sit next to a friend.\", \"描述\": \"Don’t allow yourself to get separated from your friends while you are boarding the ride. If the person working at the ride tries to seat you separately, tell them that you prefer to sit with your friend. A familiar face by your side will give you the courage that you need.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Sit in the middle of the train.\", \"描述\": \"If you can, aim for a seat near the middle of the train. If you’re already scared, it’s best not to sit in the front row where the ride can seem the scariest, or the back where it tends to be bumpiest. The middle is the best location for those who feel nervous because it offers the smoothest ride and places you in the midst of the other rows so that you feel more secure.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Hold on to the restraints.\", \"描述\": \"After you have sat down on the ride and are harnessed into your seat, grab hold of the bars near your chest. Rattle them as hard as you can so that you can see that you’re firmly strapped in, and that even with all your weight pressed against them, the restraints will hold.\\nHolding onto the bars during the ride also helps you to feel more grounded and secure.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Take a few deep breaths before the ride starts.\", \"描述\": \"Breathe deeply to relax your body and your mind before the ride starts. When people are nervous, they often hold their breath or breathe shallowly, which only adds to a quickened heart rate and feelings of anxiety.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Keep your eyes open.\", \"描述\": \"Even though it may seem counterintuitive, it’s actually better to keep your eyes open rather than shutting them during a roller coaster ride. Closing your eyes will prevent you from seeing what is coming on the ride, and psychologically makes you feel like you have less control over what is happening.\\nWhen you are able to see that you are going to go down a big drop or go upside down, your body instinctually braces itself. If you don’t do this, the ride feels much rockier and wilder.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Scream to release tension.\", \"描述\": \"Screaming on a roller coaster keeps your blood flowing and helps you to release your tension and anxiety. A roller coaster is one of the only places where you can scream your head off without any judgment, so go for it!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Thinking Positive Thoughts\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Think of all the things that used to scare you that you now love.\", \"描述\": \"Because fear stems from negative thoughts, try to think encouraging and positive thoughts before and during the roller coaster ride. Start by remembering all the things that you were afraid of doing the first time that you now love to do.\\nThese could be things like flying, going go-carting or riding a bike for the first time.\\nThink back on how scared or nervous you were to do these things for the first time. This should help you put the roller coaster ride into perspective, and you will be able to see that riding big roller coasters may be something that you discover you love to do!\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Remember that roller coasters are safe.\", \"描述\": \"If you are afraid of getting hurt while riding the roller coaster, take a step back and remember that the chances of getting hurt on a roller coaster are much less than that of driving in a car, something that you likely do every day.\\nEven though roller coasters seem more extreme, remember that they are designed very carefully and regulated closely to ensure the safety of their passengers.\\nThe chances of getting fatally injured on a roller coaster are 1 in 1.5 billion, which is a minuscule chance that is exponentially smaller than getting hurt in a car accident.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Remind yourself that people love roller coasters for a reason.\", \"描述\": \"Roller coasters are designed to be fun. Even if the prospect of riding the roller coaster makes you nervous, remember that millions of people wouldn’t enjoy riding roller coasters if they weren’t enjoyable.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Visualize yourself on the roller coaster.\", \"描述\": \"Visualization is a powerful tool that can help you feel less nervous. Before you go on the ride, close your eyes and try to see yourself on the roller coaster smiling and having a good time.\\nAs simple as it sounds, having this mental picture of yourself having a good time can help you ease your nerves and start thinking of the roller coaster as something you actually will enjoy!\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Consider asking a friend or older sibling what their first time on a roller coaster was like.\\n\", \"If you need more encouragement, remember the bragging rights that you’ll have once you finish your ride!\\n\", \"If you are still really scared, remember that there is no shame in deciding to ride the roller coaster a different day. You’ll do it eventually!\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,579 | How to Be Bright and Sunny | 1. Being Optimistic
1-1. Look at the bright side.
Being bright and sunny means finding the good in almost any situation, a trait which is not so common. Optimists are more successful in nearly every area of life – work, school, relationships, sports, and creative endeavors. Positive thinkers get depressed less often, make more money, and have happier marriages. Try saying, “And the good news is...,” and then finishing the sentence.
You may have the flu, but the good news is...now you have time to binge-watch an entire season of your favorite show.
Someone just backed into your car and broke your tail light. But the good news is...now you get to spend some quality time with your brother, who offered to fix it for you.
1-2. Expect things to turn out well.
Although some researchers believe that your degree of optimism is hereditary, most psychologists believe you can learn to become a more positive person. When faced with a difficult situation, think of all the different possible outcomes and then focus on the most favorable one.
If you have to move because of family or work, imagine being presented with exciting new opportunities that you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed where you are.
If you have a fight with someone you love, expect your relationship to recover and be even stronger in the future because you went through this now.
1-3. Be grateful.
Cheerful, optimistic people tend to be grateful for what they have. If you ever find yourself feeling envious of what others have, take a mental inventory of all the good things in your life. Remind yourself that there are people whose lives are much harder than yours.
Keep a journal, and try to think of three good things that happened that day, no matter how small, like having lunch with a friend or doing well on an assignment.
Expressing your gratitude to people you care about is a critical part of maintaining close relationships.
1-4. Smile anyway.
Sunny people smile a lot. If you aren't feeling sunny at the moment, try acting like you are. Research shows that the physical act of smiling actually makes you feel happier. This is called facial feedback – when you flex the muscles involved in smiling, your brain thinks something good must have just happened...and adjusts your mood accordingly.
People who held a pen in their mouth – forcing their face to smile – rated cartoons more amusing than those who held their faces still.
Botox patients who were unable to frown reported feeling happier overall.
1-5. Try to stay balanced.
Sometimes life can be very difficult, and you can't help having some negative thoughts and blue moods. The trick is to try to find the balance between being optimistic and being realistic.
Staying realistic will help boost productivity and keep anxiety in check.
A potential side effect of too much positive thinking is denial, so try to be realistic and grounded as well.
1-6. Go easy on yourself.
Putting too much pressure on yourself to think positive thoughts may have negative results. Remember that no one can be bright and sunny 100 percent of the time, so allow yourself to experience your own emotions in a genuine way.
When people believe they are expected to feel nothing but positive emotions, they actually experience more negative emotions, and more frequently.
If you feel pressured to “think positive” all the time, you may begin to blame yourself for not feeling happy enough.
2. Improving Your Confidence
2-1. Fake it till you make it.
It's a cliché for a reason: studies show that when we behave in ways a confident person would, it tricks our brain into believing that we feel confident. Bright and sunny people often radiate a quiet confidence, which draws other people to them. If you are feeling nervous in a particular situation, try to act as calm and assured as you can.
At the end of the day, confidence is all about learning and understanding that you can survive anything that comes your way.
2-2. Work on your self-esteem.
Confidence is rooted in self-esteem, so try not to judge yourself so harshly. When you look in the mirror, you're judging yourself on your looks alone. All you can see is your reflection – you aren't giving yourself credit for other factors that people find attractive, like being a good listener or having a bubbly personality.
It might help to know that there is a good chance that others see you as 20 per cent more attractive than you think you are.
2-3. Avoid comparing yourself to other people.
To be bright and sunny, try to feel as confident as possible. Comparing yourself to others will almost always make you feel worse, because most people only compare themselves to people they consider smarter or more attractive than themselves. The truth is that you're probably somewhere closer to the middle.
2-4. Try adopting a power pose.
Adopting this posture may boost levels of the hormone linked to power and self-confidence, and lower levels of the hormone that causes stress. After striking a power pose, some people experience increased feelings of power and tolerance for risk.
Stand tall, with shoulders back and arms extended from the body and your hands on your hips. Hold this position for a minute or two.
You don't need to do this in public – you will get the same effects by practicing this pose in private before joining the group.
2-5. Focus on your abilities.
If you are good at something, learn to do it as well as you can. There are three main types of confidence: intrinsic belief in your self-worth, belief in your ability to do specific things, and belief in your ability to learn and to problem-solve. Gaining confidence in one area will help you feel more confident all around.
3. Attracting Others
3-1. Explore your creative side.
Bright and sunny people are often creative, which makes them seem colorful and interesting to others. If you don't have a creative hobby, think about the things you enjoyed as a kid – were you good at art, or music, or dance? Did you like to make up stories, or act them out onstage? Consider taking a class, or joining a group with like interests.
Keep track of creative ideas as they come to you – if an idea isn't written down within 24 hours, it is usually forgotten.
Be open to the ideas of others. Collaboration is a wonderful way to get your creative juices flowing.
Painting and drawing are a couple great ways to be creative.
3-2. Express yourself emotionally.
Sunny, charismatic people don't hide their feelings, they express them genuinely and spontaneously. Cheerful people seem to “light up the room” when they enter, elevating the mood of everyone around them. This is a very attractive quality to cultivate.
3-3. Keep your negative emotions in check.
Because emotions and moods are often contagious, be careful not to express your negative emotions every time you are feeling angry or irritable. It's okay to vent to a friend on occasion, but in general try to act cheerful and calm. People will feel more relaxed and comfortable around you, and will seek out your company.
3-4. Keep your sense of humor.
Bright, sunny people are nearly always judged to have a good sense of humor, which is a very attractive personality trait. A bias toward humorous people shows up in all areas of human interaction, including romantic attraction and success at work.
Both men and women value “a sense of humor” in a romantic partner, although they differ in the definition – women tend to be attracted to men who make jokes, whereas men are attracted to women who appreciate his sense of humor and laugh at his jokes.
3-5. Take care of yourself.
Bright and sunny people tend to have a lot of energy, which comes from being in good physical condition. Exercise and a well-rounded diet result in a “glow” of good health, which most people find very attractive. Taking care of yourself also implies a healthy self-esteem and makes you seem more confident and self-assured.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:24",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Being Optimistic\\n1-1. Look at the bright side.\\nBeing bright and sunny means finding the good in almost any situation, a trait which is not so common. Optimists are more successful in nearly every area of life – work, school, relationships, sports, and creative endeavors. Positive thinkers get depressed less often, make more money, and have happier marriages. Try saying, “And the good news is...,” and then finishing the sentence.\\nYou may have the flu, but the good news is...now you have time to binge-watch an entire season of your favorite show.\\nSomeone just backed into your car and broke your tail light. But the good news is...now you get to spend some quality time with your brother, who offered to fix it for you.\\n1-2. Expect things to turn out well.\\nAlthough some researchers believe that your degree of optimism is hereditary, most psychologists believe you can learn to become a more positive person. When faced with a difficult situation, think of all the different possible outcomes and then focus on the most favorable one.\\nIf you have to move because of family or work, imagine being presented with exciting new opportunities that you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed where you are.\\nIf you have a fight with someone you love, expect your relationship to recover and be even stronger in the future because you went through this now.\\n1-3. Be grateful.\\nCheerful, optimistic people tend to be grateful for what they have. If you ever find yourself feeling envious of what others have, take a mental inventory of all the good things in your life. Remind yourself that there are people whose lives are much harder than yours.\\nKeep a journal, and try to think of three good things that happened that day, no matter how small, like having lunch with a friend or doing well on an assignment.\\nExpressing your gratitude to people you care about is a critical part of maintaining close relationships.\\n1-4. Smile anyway.\\nSunny people smile a lot. If you aren't feeling sunny at the moment, try acting like you are. Research shows that the physical act of smiling actually makes you feel happier. This is called facial feedback – when you flex the muscles involved in smiling, your brain thinks something good must have just happened...and adjusts your mood accordingly.\\nPeople who held a pen in their mouth – forcing their face to smile – rated cartoons more amusing than those who held their faces still.\\nBotox patients who were unable to frown reported feeling happier overall.\\n1-5. Try to stay balanced.\\nSometimes life can be very difficult, and you can't help having some negative thoughts and blue moods. The trick is to try to find the balance between being optimistic and being realistic.\\nStaying realistic will help boost productivity and keep anxiety in check.\\nA potential side effect of too much positive thinking is denial, so try to be realistic and grounded as well.\\n1-6. Go easy on yourself.\\nPutting too much pressure on yourself to think positive thoughts may have negative results. Remember that no one can be bright and sunny 100 percent of the time, so allow yourself to experience your own emotions in a genuine way.\\nWhen people believe they are expected to feel nothing but positive emotions, they actually experience more negative emotions, and more frequently.\\nIf you feel pressured to “think positive” all the time, you may begin to blame yourself for not feeling happy enough.\\n2. Improving Your Confidence\\n2-1. Fake it till you make it.\\nIt's a cliché for a reason: studies show that when we behave in ways a confident person would, it tricks our brain into believing that we feel confident. Bright and sunny people often radiate a quiet confidence, which draws other people to them. If you are feeling nervous in a particular situation, try to act as calm and assured as you can.\\nAt the end of the day, confidence is all about learning and understanding that you can survive anything that comes your way.\\n2-2. Work on your self-esteem.\\nConfidence is rooted in self-esteem, so try not to judge yourself so harshly. When you look in the mirror, you're judging yourself on your looks alone. All you can see is your reflection – you aren't giving yourself credit for other factors that people find attractive, like being a good listener or having a bubbly personality.\\nIt might help to know that there is a good chance that others see you as 20 per cent more attractive than you think you are.\\n2-3. Avoid comparing yourself to other people.\\nTo be bright and sunny, try to feel as confident as possible. Comparing yourself to others will almost always make you feel worse, because most people only compare themselves to people they consider smarter or more attractive than themselves. The truth is that you're probably somewhere closer to the middle.\\n2-4. Try adopting a power pose.\\nAdopting this posture may boost levels of the hormone linked to power and self-confidence, and lower levels of the hormone that causes stress. After striking a power pose, some people experience increased feelings of power and tolerance for risk.\\nStand tall, with shoulders back and arms extended from the body and your hands on your hips. Hold this position for a minute or two.\\nYou don't need to do this in public – you will get the same effects by practicing this pose in private before joining the group.\\n2-5. Focus on your abilities.\\nIf you are good at something, learn to do it as well as you can. There are three main types of confidence: intrinsic belief in your self-worth, belief in your ability to do specific things, and belief in your ability to learn and to problem-solve. Gaining confidence in one area will help you feel more confident all around.\\n3. Attracting Others\\n3-1. Explore your creative side.\\nBright and sunny people are often creative, which makes them seem colorful and interesting to others. If you don't have a creative hobby, think about the things you enjoyed as a kid – were you good at art, or music, or dance? Did you like to make up stories, or act them out onstage? Consider taking a class, or joining a group with like interests.\\nKeep track of creative ideas as they come to you – if an idea isn't written down within 24 hours, it is usually forgotten.\\nBe open to the ideas of others. Collaboration is a wonderful way to get your creative juices flowing.\\nPainting and drawing are a couple great ways to be creative.\\n3-2. Express yourself emotionally.\\nSunny, charismatic people don't hide their feelings, they express them genuinely and spontaneously. Cheerful people seem to “light up the room” when they enter, elevating the mood of everyone around them. This is a very attractive quality to cultivate.\\n3-3. Keep your negative emotions in check.\\nBecause emotions and moods are often contagious, be careful not to express your negative emotions every time you are feeling angry or irritable. It's okay to vent to a friend on occasion, but in general try to act cheerful and calm. People will feel more relaxed and comfortable around you, and will seek out your company.\\n3-4. Keep your sense of humor.\\nBright, sunny people are nearly always judged to have a good sense of humor, which is a very attractive personality trait. A bias toward humorous people shows up in all areas of human interaction, including romantic attraction and success at work.\\nBoth men and women value “a sense of humor” in a romantic partner, although they differ in the definition – women tend to be attracted to men who make jokes, whereas men are attracted to women who appreciate his sense of humor and laugh at his jokes.\\n3-5. Take care of yourself.\\nBright and sunny people tend to have a lot of energy, which comes from being in good physical condition. Exercise and a well-rounded diet result in a “glow” of good health, which most people find very attractive. Taking care of yourself also implies a healthy self-esteem and makes you seem more confident and self-assured.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"There is something undeniably attractive about a person with a bright and sunny personality. A cheerful mood tends to be contagious, and everyone around them has a better time. Optimistic people therefore tend to be a lot more popular, in general. People who think positive thoughts and radiate a cheerful demeanor also tend to be more successful, have more fulfilling relationships, and suffer from fewer health problems.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Being Optimistic\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Look at the bright side.\", \"描述\": \"Being bright and sunny means finding the good in almost any situation, a trait which is not so common. Optimists are more successful in nearly every area of life – work, school, relationships, sports, and creative endeavors. Positive thinkers get depressed less often, make more money, and have happier marriages. Try saying, “And the good news is...,” and then finishing the sentence.\\nYou may have the flu, but the good news is...now you have time to binge-watch an entire season of your favorite show.\\nSomeone just backed into your car and broke your tail light. But the good news is...now you get to spend some quality time with your brother, who offered to fix it for you.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Expect things to turn out well.\", \"描述\": \"Although some researchers believe that your degree of optimism is hereditary, most psychologists believe you can learn to become a more positive person. When faced with a difficult situation, think of all the different possible outcomes and then focus on the most favorable one.\\nIf you have to move because of family or work, imagine being presented with exciting new opportunities that you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed where you are.\\nIf you have a fight with someone you love, expect your relationship to recover and be even stronger in the future because you went through this now.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be grateful.\", \"描述\": \"Cheerful, optimistic people tend to be grateful for what they have. If you ever find yourself feeling envious of what others have, take a mental inventory of all the good things in your life. Remind yourself that there are people whose lives are much harder than yours.\\nKeep a journal, and try to think of three good things that happened that day, no matter how small, like having lunch with a friend or doing well on an assignment.\\nExpressing your gratitude to people you care about is a critical part of maintaining close relationships.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Smile anyway.\", \"描述\": \"Sunny people smile a lot. If you aren't feeling sunny at the moment, try acting like you are. Research shows that the physical act of smiling actually makes you feel happier. This is called facial feedback – when you flex the muscles involved in smiling, your brain thinks something good must have just happened...and adjusts your mood accordingly.\\nPeople who held a pen in their mouth – forcing their face to smile – rated cartoons more amusing than those who held their faces still.\\nBotox patients who were unable to frown reported feeling happier overall.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Try to stay balanced.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes life can be very difficult, and you can't help having some negative thoughts and blue moods. The trick is to try to find the balance between being optimistic and being realistic.\\nStaying realistic will help boost productivity and keep anxiety in check.\\nA potential side effect of too much positive thinking is denial, so try to be realistic and grounded as well.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Go easy on yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Putting too much pressure on yourself to think positive thoughts may have negative results. Remember that no one can be bright and sunny 100 percent of the time, so allow yourself to experience your own emotions in a genuine way.\\nWhen people believe they are expected to feel nothing but positive emotions, they actually experience more negative emotions, and more frequently.\\nIf you feel pressured to “think positive” all the time, you may begin to blame yourself for not feeling happy enough.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Improving Your Confidence\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Fake it till you make it.\", \"描述\": \"It's a cliché for a reason: studies show that when we behave in ways a confident person would, it tricks our brain into believing that we feel confident. Bright and sunny people often radiate a quiet confidence, which draws other people to them. If you are feeling nervous in a particular situation, try to act as calm and assured as you can.\\nAt the end of the day, confidence is all about learning and understanding that you can survive anything that comes your way.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Work on your self-esteem.\", \"描述\": \"Confidence is rooted in self-esteem, so try not to judge yourself so harshly. When you look in the mirror, you're judging yourself on your looks alone. All you can see is your reflection – you aren't giving yourself credit for other factors that people find attractive, like being a good listener or having a bubbly personality.\\nIt might help to know that there is a good chance that others see you as 20 per cent more attractive than you think you are.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Avoid comparing yourself to other people.\", \"描述\": \"To be bright and sunny, try to feel as confident as possible. Comparing yourself to others will almost always make you feel worse, because most people only compare themselves to people they consider smarter or more attractive than themselves. The truth is that you're probably somewhere closer to the middle.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Try adopting a power pose.\", \"描述\": \"Adopting this posture may boost levels of the hormone linked to power and self-confidence, and lower levels of the hormone that causes stress. After striking a power pose, some people experience increased feelings of power and tolerance for risk.\\nStand tall, with shoulders back and arms extended from the body and your hands on your hips. Hold this position for a minute or two.\\nYou don't need to do this in public – you will get the same effects by practicing this pose in private before joining the group.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Focus on your abilities.\", \"描述\": \"If you are good at something, learn to do it as well as you can. There are three main types of confidence: intrinsic belief in your self-worth, belief in your ability to do specific things, and belief in your ability to learn and to problem-solve. Gaining confidence in one area will help you feel more confident all around.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Attracting Others\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Explore your creative side.\", \"描述\": \"Bright and sunny people are often creative, which makes them seem colorful and interesting to others. If you don't have a creative hobby, think about the things you enjoyed as a kid – were you good at art, or music, or dance? Did you like to make up stories, or act them out onstage? Consider taking a class, or joining a group with like interests.\\nKeep track of creative ideas as they come to you – if an idea isn't written down within 24 hours, it is usually forgotten.\\nBe open to the ideas of others. Collaboration is a wonderful way to get your creative juices flowing.\\nPainting and drawing are a couple great ways to be creative.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Express yourself emotionally.\", \"描述\": \"Sunny, charismatic people don't hide their feelings, they express them genuinely and spontaneously. Cheerful people seem to “light up the room” when they enter, elevating the mood of everyone around them. This is a very attractive quality to cultivate.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Keep your negative emotions in check.\", \"描述\": \"Because emotions and moods are often contagious, be careful not to express your negative emotions every time you are feeling angry or irritable. It's okay to vent to a friend on occasion, but in general try to act cheerful and calm. People will feel more relaxed and comfortable around you, and will seek out your company.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Keep your sense of humor.\", \"描述\": \"Bright, sunny people are nearly always judged to have a good sense of humor, which is a very attractive personality trait. A bias toward humorous people shows up in all areas of human interaction, including romantic attraction and success at work.\\nBoth men and women value “a sense of humor” in a romantic partner, although they differ in the definition – women tend to be attracted to men who make jokes, whereas men are attracted to women who appreciate his sense of humor and laugh at his jokes.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Take care of yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Bright and sunny people tend to have a lot of energy, which comes from being in good physical condition. Exercise and a well-rounded diet result in a “glow” of good health, which most people find very attractive. Taking care of yourself also implies a healthy self-esteem and makes you seem more confident and self-assured.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
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3,580 | How to Be Buried as a Tree | 1. What is a tree pod burial?
A tree pod burial buries human remains in pods for a tree to grow out of.
Rather than a casket, the human body goes into a biodegradable pod that will break down over time. The pod is buried in the ground, and a tree is planted on top of it. As the tree grows, the person’s remains will provide nutrients for the tree.
In a tree pod burial, the human remains can be whole, or they can be cremated.
2. How much does a tree pod burial cost?
Tree burial pods range from $400 to $500.
Depending on the company you go through and what you end up purchasing, you can expect to spend a few hundred dollars on the burial pod alone. Keep in mind that this cost doesn’t include any additional funeral services or the burial process itself.
In general, a full funeral with a tree burial pod costs around $1,000 to $2,000.
Biodegradable urns are usually cheaper; those typically range from $65 to $300.
3. Where can I be buried as a tree?
3-1. You can be buried as a tree on private property in most states.
Home burials are legal in the majority of the United States, with the exception of Washington, California, and Indiana. In some states, you must work with a funeral director to have a home burial, but in others, you can simply request a home burial.
3-2. You can be buried as a tree in some cemeteries.
While traditionally cemeteries only focused on funeral services with caskets and a headstone, more and more are opting for natural or biodegradable options. If you have a cemetery nearby, reach out to the director and ask if they do any natural burial services.
4. Companies that Provide Tree Pod Burials
4-1. The Living Urn
The Living Urn sells biodegradable urns that you can purchase with or without a tree. Shaped like a large pot, the urns get buried directly into the ground, and you can either plant your own local tree or continue growing the one that came with your urn.
4-2. Capsula Mundi
Capsula Mundi is one of the most popular tree pod burial companies. Currently, they offer biodegradable urns that you can bury cremated remains in and then plant a tree on top of. They hope to get their egg-shaped biodegradable pods that hold whole human remains on the market soon.
5. Are tree pod burials legal?
Yes, tree pod burials are legal in the United States.
However, it’s worth looking into your local zoning laws to figure out the specifics of a home burial. Laws tend to vary from state to state, and a funeral director can give you the specifics on your local laws.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:24",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. What is a tree pod burial?\\nA tree pod burial buries human remains in pods for a tree to grow out of.\\nRather than a casket, the human body goes into a biodegradable pod that will break down over time. The pod is buried in the ground, and a tree is planted on top of it. As the tree grows, the person’s remains will provide nutrients for the tree.\\nIn a tree pod burial, the human remains can be whole, or they can be cremated.\\n2. How much does a tree pod burial cost?\\nTree burial pods range from $400 to $500.\\nDepending on the company you go through and what you end up purchasing, you can expect to spend a few hundred dollars on the burial pod alone. Keep in mind that this cost doesn’t include any additional funeral services or the burial process itself.\\nIn general, a full funeral with a tree burial pod costs around $1,000 to $2,000.\\nBiodegradable urns are usually cheaper; those typically range from $65 to $300.\\n3. Where can I be buried as a tree?\\n3-1. You can be buried as a tree on private property in most states.\\nHome burials are legal in the majority of the United States, with the exception of Washington, California, and Indiana. In some states, you must work with a funeral director to have a home burial, but in others, you can simply request a home burial.\\n3-2. You can be buried as a tree in some cemeteries.\\nWhile traditionally cemeteries only focused on funeral services with caskets and a headstone, more and more are opting for natural or biodegradable options. If you have a cemetery nearby, reach out to the director and ask if they do any natural burial services.\\n4. Companies that Provide Tree Pod Burials\\n4-1. The Living Urn\\nThe Living Urn sells biodegradable urns that you can purchase with or without a tree. Shaped like a large pot, the urns get buried directly into the ground, and you can either plant your own local tree or continue growing the one that came with your urn.\\n4-2. Capsula Mundi\\nCapsula Mundi is one of the most popular tree pod burial companies. Currently, they offer biodegradable urns that you can bury cremated remains in and then plant a tree on top of. They hope to get their egg-shaped biodegradable pods that hold whole human remains on the market soon.\\n5. Are tree pod burials legal?\\nYes, tree pod burials are legal in the United States.\\nHowever, it’s worth looking into your local zoning laws to figure out the specifics of a home burial. Laws tend to vary from state to state, and a funeral director can give you the specifics on your local laws.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"If you’re an environmentally conscious person, you may have heard of tree pod burials, or natural burials. This eco-friendly alternative to a traditional burial not only saves you money, but it’s great for the environment as well. If you’d like to learn more about being buried as a tree, read through this article for everything you’ll need to know, including locations, cost, and legality.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"What is a tree pod burial?\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"A tree pod burial buries human remains in pods for a tree to grow out of.\", \"描述\": \"Rather than a casket, the human body goes into a biodegradable pod that will break down over time. The pod is buried in the ground, and a tree is planted on top of it. As the tree grows, the person’s remains will provide nutrients for the tree.\\nIn a tree pod burial, the human remains can be whole, or they can be cremated.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"How much does a tree pod burial cost?\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Tree burial pods range from $400 to $500.\", \"描述\": \"Depending on the company you go through and what you end up purchasing, you can expect to spend a few hundred dollars on the burial pod alone. Keep in mind that this cost doesn’t include any additional funeral services or the burial process itself.\\nIn general, a full funeral with a tree burial pod costs around $1,000 to $2,000.\\nBiodegradable urns are usually cheaper; those typically range from $65 to $300.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Where can I be buried as a tree?\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"You can be buried as a tree on private property in most states.\", \"描述\": \"Home burials are legal in the majority of the United States, with the exception of Washington, California, and Indiana. In some states, you must work with a funeral director to have a home burial, but in others, you can simply request a home burial.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"You can be buried as a tree in some cemeteries.\", \"描述\": \"While traditionally cemeteries only focused on funeral services with caskets and a headstone, more and more are opting for natural or biodegradable options. If you have a cemetery nearby, reach out to the director and ask if they do any natural burial services.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Companies that Provide Tree Pod Burials\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"The Living Urn\", \"描述\": \"The Living Urn sells biodegradable urns that you can purchase with or without a tree. Shaped like a large pot, the urns get buried directly into the ground, and you can either plant your own local tree or continue growing the one that came with your urn.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Capsula Mundi\", \"描述\": \"Capsula Mundi is one of the most popular tree pod burial companies. Currently, they offer biodegradable urns that you can bury cremated remains in and then plant a tree on top of. They hope to get their egg-shaped biodegradable pods that hold whole human remains on the market soon.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Are tree pod burials legal?\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Yes, tree pod burials are legal in the United States.\", \"描述\": \"However, it’s worth looking into your local zoning laws to figure out the specifics of a home burial. Laws tend to vary from state to state, and a funeral director can give you the specifics on your local laws.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,581 | How to Be Buried on Your Own Property | 1. Complying with State and Local Regulations
1-1. Determine the law in your state for home burials.
In the US, home burials on private property are a matter of state or local law. Your state may fall into one of 3 broad categories:
No home burials: A few states, including California, Indiana, and Washington, do not allow home burials on private property.
Home burial with professional oversight: Some states require you to hire a funeral director to oversee the burial. These states include Alabama, Connecticut, Illinois, Michigan, New Jersey, and New York.
No home burial laws: Many states have no specific state laws regarding home burial. There may still be local ordinances.
1-2. Find out which government agencies you need to work with.
In many states, the department of health regulates burials. However, some states may have a separate board. The easiest way to find out which government agencies you would need to work with to coordinate a home burial is to call your city or county clerk's office.
Search online for "county clerk" along with the name of your county and state to find the clerk's website. There will be contact information listed. When you call, ask which agency regulates funerals and burials in your county.
1-3. Choose the funeral director you want to oversee your burial.
If your state requires a funeral director to oversee your home burial, you may want to set up a contract in advance so that you know that your burial desires will be fulfilled. Even if you don't ultimately sign a contract, a funeral director with experience in home burials can still give you a lot of information and help you determine what arrangements you need to make in advance.
The National Home Funeral Alliance (NHFA) has a directory of funeral directors and other experts who conduct home funerals. Visit https://www.homefuneralalliance.org/directories.html#!directory to search the directory for local professionals who can help you plan your home burial.
If you don't want to hire a funeral director in advance, let designated family members know that they'll need to hire someone to oversee the burial.
2. Choosing a Suitable Location
2-1. Check your property deed for any restrictions.
Your deed specifies the boundaries of your property, so you can make sure you don't choose a site that's technically over your property line. Additionally, any restrictions on your deed could limit the places on your property where you could be buried.
For example, if your neighbor has an easement allowing them to access a certain part of your property, you may not be able to use the property subject to the easement as a burial site.
If you have any questions or concerns about the description of your property in your deed, you may want to talk to a lawyer who specializes in real estate and property law. They may advise you to get a survey done before you make a final decision on a burial site.
2-2. Identify water sources that may limit your potential burial sites.
Because there is a potential that bacteria and viruses from human remains to enter the groundwater and infect people, all states have requirements that burial sites be far enough away from water sources to alleviate these health concerns. The specific distance required varies among states and localities.
For example, in Massachusetts, you cannot use a burial plot within 200 feet (61 m) of rivers or within 100 feet (30.5 m) of the high-water mark of any other public water source.
You also want to take care that the site is not in a flood plain, which could result in the site being flooded and destroyed.
2-3. Hire a soil evaluator to evaluate the suitability of the site.
A geological evaluation determines the high groundwater level and depth to bedrock. A soil evaluator will also profile the soil variability and consistency to determine whether it is suitable for a burial site.
For example, you wouldn't want a burial site with loose, sandy soil because it can easily erode, exposing the burial.
If the site you've chosen is on a slope, the evaluation will also determine if the slope is stable enough to support a burial without the risk of exposure from run-off and erosion.
2-4. Get your chosen site approved by local authorities if necessary.
In some states and localities, a local board in charge of burials needs to approve the specific site where you want to be buried on your property. The board may have specific studies or evaluations that you must have done before your site will be approved.
You typically won't have to pay a fee for permission from the board, although you will have to pay for a certified professional to evaluate the site and produce a report for the board's review.
2-5. Enter a contract with an excavator.
Moving enough dirt for a burial plot is a massive task, and likely not one you want to leave to your family members. If you hire an excavator to dig the grave, you can be certain that the dig is professional and meets your state's specifications.
Keep in mind that although the excavator will dig the hole for the grave, they typically will not return to replace the dirt. Your family members may be responsible for refilling the hole with shovels and similar tools.
3. Making Burial Arrangements
3-1. Designate a family member to facilitate the death certificate.
The state won't allow your body to be buried until a death certificate has been issued. Typically, your next-of-kin will get a report from a nurse or doctor that they'll use to have the death certificate issued.
You may want to designate more than one person, in case your first choice isn't available.
Contact your state's department of health and find out how a person can get a death certificate issued. Then write down the steps, including the information or documents the person will need. Give this to the family member you've chosen to handle this matter so they'll know what to do.
3-2. Find out the process for getting a burial permit.
Even if your chosen gravesite has already been approved, some states require your designated family member to get a burial permit before they can bury your body. The burial permit typically isn't issued until after your death is confirmed.
The burial permit is typically issued by the local board of health. It may be the same office that issues the death certificate.
You typically can't get burial permits in advance, but it's a good idea to get this information for your designated family member so they know what to do.
3-3. Discuss
Talking about your burial can be a difficult conversation to have. However, particularly if you want to be buried on your own property, it's important that your closest family members know what you want well in advance.
Most states don't actually require bodies to be embalmed prior to burial, so if that's not something you want, you can skip it. If you want a more traditional burial with a shroud, for example, you can typically do this. You just have to let your family members know what you want.
Following a death, your next-of-kin will likely be connected immediately to a funeral director to make arrangements. If they don't know what you want or that you've already chosen and prepared a site, you may not get the final resting place you want.
In addition to the person you've designated to facilitate the death certificate, it's a good idea to let other close family members know your preferences. For example, you might invite family over for dinner and then take them out to see the site you've chosen. Then, you can explain that you want to be buried there.
3-4. Choose the coffin you want for your burial.
If you're having a home burial, you don't necessarily need the expensive caskets, liners, and other products that may be required for burial in a public cemetery (although you can certainly have them if you want). However, home burials typically use more simple products that are more environmentally friendly and allow for a more natural burial.
You can order basic cardboard or wood coffins online if you want. While it may seem somewhat morbid to order your coffin in advance, it does allow you to pick out the one you want. If you're focused on an environmentally friendly burial, make sure you choose a coffin that is biodegradable.
3-5. Document your decisions apart from your will or trust.
If you have a will, chances are it won't go through probate until long after you've passed. That would be too late to communicate your burial preferences. Create a separate document and make sure designated family members have copies of it.
The Funeral Consumers Alliance has forms you can use to document your final wishes available at https://funerals.org/?consumers=legal-right-make-decisions-funeral. Make sure you choose the right form for your state. If there's no form specific to your state, you can use the generic blank form.
3-6. Add information about the gravesite to the property deed.
State law prohibits gravesites from being disturbed, even if your property is later sold. However, the deed should state exactly where the gravesite is located on the property.
Contact your county's register of deeds for a form to amend your deed. Typically, a hand-drawn map of your property is sufficient to mark a gravesite. If you had a survey of your property done, you can also mark the gravesite on the survey map.
Tips
The Funeral Ethics Organization has a pamphlet for each state that summarizes the burial and funeral laws and regulations available for download at http://www.funeralethics.org/rights.htm.
Warnings
This article discusses how to be buried on your own property in the US. If you live in another country, the rules may be different. Contact your local department of health for more information.
Laws referenced in this article are accurate as of December 2019. Check with the government agency that regulates burials in your state for the most up-to-date rules and regulations for home burial.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:24",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Complying with State and Local Regulations\\n1-1. Determine the law in your state for home burials.\\nIn the US, home burials on private property are a matter of state or local law. Your state may fall into one of 3 broad categories:\\nNo home burials: A few states, including California, Indiana, and Washington, do not allow home burials on private property.\\nHome burial with professional oversight: Some states require you to hire a funeral director to oversee the burial. These states include Alabama, Connecticut, Illinois, Michigan, New Jersey, and New York.\\nNo home burial laws: Many states have no specific state laws regarding home burial. There may still be local ordinances.\\n1-2. Find out which government agencies you need to work with.\\nIn many states, the department of health regulates burials. However, some states may have a separate board. The easiest way to find out which government agencies you would need to work with to coordinate a home burial is to call your city or county clerk's office.\\nSearch online for \\\"county clerk\\\" along with the name of your county and state to find the clerk's website. There will be contact information listed. When you call, ask which agency regulates funerals and burials in your county.\\n1-3. Choose the funeral director you want to oversee your burial.\\nIf your state requires a funeral director to oversee your home burial, you may want to set up a contract in advance so that you know that your burial desires will be fulfilled. Even if you don't ultimately sign a contract, a funeral director with experience in home burials can still give you a lot of information and help you determine what arrangements you need to make in advance.\\nThe National Home Funeral Alliance (NHFA) has a directory of funeral directors and other experts who conduct home funerals. Visit https://www.homefuneralalliance.org/directories.html#!directory to search the directory for local professionals who can help you plan your home burial.\\nIf you don't want to hire a funeral director in advance, let designated family members know that they'll need to hire someone to oversee the burial.\\n2. Choosing a Suitable Location\\n2-1. Check your property deed for any restrictions.\\nYour deed specifies the boundaries of your property, so you can make sure you don't choose a site that's technically over your property line. Additionally, any restrictions on your deed could limit the places on your property where you could be buried.\\nFor example, if your neighbor has an easement allowing them to access a certain part of your property, you may not be able to use the property subject to the easement as a burial site.\\nIf you have any questions or concerns about the description of your property in your deed, you may want to talk to a lawyer who specializes in real estate and property law. They may advise you to get a survey done before you make a final decision on a burial site.\\n2-2. Identify water sources that may limit your potential burial sites.\\nBecause there is a potential that bacteria and viruses from human remains to enter the groundwater and infect people, all states have requirements that burial sites be far enough away from water sources to alleviate these health concerns. The specific distance required varies among states and localities.\\nFor example, in Massachusetts, you cannot use a burial plot within 200 feet (61 m) of rivers or within 100 feet (30.5 m) of the high-water mark of any other public water source.\\nYou also want to take care that the site is not in a flood plain, which could result in the site being flooded and destroyed.\\n2-3. Hire a soil evaluator to evaluate the suitability of the site.\\nA geological evaluation determines the high groundwater level and depth to bedrock. A soil evaluator will also profile the soil variability and consistency to determine whether it is suitable for a burial site.\\nFor example, you wouldn't want a burial site with loose, sandy soil because it can easily erode, exposing the burial.\\nIf the site you've chosen is on a slope, the evaluation will also determine if the slope is stable enough to support a burial without the risk of exposure from run-off and erosion.\\n2-4. Get your chosen site approved by local authorities if necessary.\\nIn some states and localities, a local board in charge of burials needs to approve the specific site where you want to be buried on your property. The board may have specific studies or evaluations that you must have done before your site will be approved.\\nYou typically won't have to pay a fee for permission from the board, although you will have to pay for a certified professional to evaluate the site and produce a report for the board's review.\\n2-5. Enter a contract with an excavator.\\nMoving enough dirt for a burial plot is a massive task, and likely not one you want to leave to your family members. If you hire an excavator to dig the grave, you can be certain that the dig is professional and meets your state's specifications.\\nKeep in mind that although the excavator will dig the hole for the grave, they typically will not return to replace the dirt. Your family members may be responsible for refilling the hole with shovels and similar tools.\\n3. Making Burial Arrangements\\n3-1. Designate a family member to facilitate the death certificate.\\nThe state won't allow your body to be buried until a death certificate has been issued. Typically, your next-of-kin will get a report from a nurse or doctor that they'll use to have the death certificate issued.\\nYou may want to designate more than one person, in case your first choice isn't available.\\nContact your state's department of health and find out how a person can get a death certificate issued. Then write down the steps, including the information or documents the person will need. Give this to the family member you've chosen to handle this matter so they'll know what to do.\\n3-2. Find out the process for getting a burial permit.\\nEven if your chosen gravesite has already been approved, some states require your designated family member to get a burial permit before they can bury your body. The burial permit typically isn't issued until after your death is confirmed.\\nThe burial permit is typically issued by the local board of health. It may be the same office that issues the death certificate.\\nYou typically can't get burial permits in advance, but it's a good idea to get this information for your designated family member so they know what to do.\\n3-3. Discuss\\nTalking about your burial can be a difficult conversation to have. However, particularly if you want to be buried on your own property, it's important that your closest family members know what you want well in advance.\\nMost states don't actually require bodies to be embalmed prior to burial, so if that's not something you want, you can skip it. If you want a more traditional burial with a shroud, for example, you can typically do this. You just have to let your family members know what you want.\\nFollowing a death, your next-of-kin will likely be connected immediately to a funeral director to make arrangements. If they don't know what you want or that you've already chosen and prepared a site, you may not get the final resting place you want.\\nIn addition to the person you've designated to facilitate the death certificate, it's a good idea to let other close family members know your preferences. For example, you might invite family over for dinner and then take them out to see the site you've chosen. Then, you can explain that you want to be buried there.\\n3-4. Choose the coffin you want for your burial.\\nIf you're having a home burial, you don't necessarily need the expensive caskets, liners, and other products that may be required for burial in a public cemetery (although you can certainly have them if you want). However, home burials typically use more simple products that are more environmentally friendly and allow for a more natural burial.\\nYou can order basic cardboard or wood coffins online if you want. While it may seem somewhat morbid to order your coffin in advance, it does allow you to pick out the one you want. If you're focused on an environmentally friendly burial, make sure you choose a coffin that is biodegradable.\\n3-5. Document your decisions apart from your will or trust.\\nIf you have a will, chances are it won't go through probate until long after you've passed. That would be too late to communicate your burial preferences. Create a separate document and make sure designated family members have copies of it.\\nThe Funeral Consumers Alliance has forms you can use to document your final wishes available at https://funerals.org/?consumers=legal-right-make-decisions-funeral. Make sure you choose the right form for your state. If there's no form specific to your state, you can use the generic blank form.\\n3-6. Add information about the gravesite to the property deed.\\nState law prohibits gravesites from being disturbed, even if your property is later sold. However, the deed should state exactly where the gravesite is located on the property.\\nContact your county's register of deeds for a form to amend your deed. Typically, a hand-drawn map of your property is sufficient to mark a gravesite. If you had a survey of your property done, you can also mark the gravesite on the survey map.\\nTips\\nThe Funeral Ethics Organization has a pamphlet for each state that summarizes the burial and funeral laws and regulations available for download at http://www.funeralethics.org/rights.htm.\\nWarnings\\nThis article discusses how to be buried on your own property in the US. If you live in another country, the rules may be different. Contact your local department of health for more information.\\nLaws referenced in this article are accurate as of December 2019. Check with the government agency that regulates burials in your state for the most up-to-date rules and regulations for home burial.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Many Americans are turning to home burials as a green alternative to a crowded commercial cemetery. A home burial is also a more intimate and personal experience that can provide a lot of healing and closure to grieving family members. Most states in the US allow you to be buried on your own property, provided you hold the deed to the land and live in a relatively rural area. However, state and local regulations vary greatly. While death and burial can be a difficult and sad thing to talk about, planning your burial ahead of time can ease the burden on your family after your passing.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Complying with State and Local Regulations\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Determine the law in your state for home burials.\", \"描述\": \"In the US, home burials on private property are a matter of state or local law. Your state may fall into one of 3 broad categories:\\nNo home burials: A few states, including California, Indiana, and Washington, do not allow home burials on private property.\\nHome burial with professional oversight: Some states require you to hire a funeral director to oversee the burial. These states include Alabama, Connecticut, Illinois, Michigan, New Jersey, and New York.\\nNo home burial laws: Many states have no specific state laws regarding home burial. There may still be local ordinances.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Find out which government agencies you need to work with.\", \"描述\": \"In many states, the department of health regulates burials. However, some states may have a separate board. The easiest way to find out which government agencies you would need to work with to coordinate a home burial is to call your city or county clerk's office.\\nSearch online for \\\"county clerk\\\" along with the name of your county and state to find the clerk's website. There will be contact information listed. When you call, ask which agency regulates funerals and burials in your county.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Choose the funeral director you want to oversee your burial.\", \"描述\": \"If your state requires a funeral director to oversee your home burial, you may want to set up a contract in advance so that you know that your burial desires will be fulfilled. Even if you don't ultimately sign a contract, a funeral director with experience in home burials can still give you a lot of information and help you determine what arrangements you need to make in advance.\\nThe National Home Funeral Alliance (NHFA) has a directory of funeral directors and other experts who conduct home funerals. Visit https://www.homefuneralalliance.org/directories.html#!directory to search the directory for local professionals who can help you plan your home burial.\\nIf you don't want to hire a funeral director in advance, let designated family members know that they'll need to hire someone to oversee the burial.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Choosing a Suitable Location\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Check your property deed for any restrictions.\", \"描述\": \"Your deed specifies the boundaries of your property, so you can make sure you don't choose a site that's technically over your property line. Additionally, any restrictions on your deed could limit the places on your property where you could be buried.\\nFor example, if your neighbor has an easement allowing them to access a certain part of your property, you may not be able to use the property subject to the easement as a burial site.\\nIf you have any questions or concerns about the description of your property in your deed, you may want to talk to a lawyer who specializes in real estate and property law. They may advise you to get a survey done before you make a final decision on a burial site.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Identify water sources that may limit your potential burial sites.\", \"描述\": \"Because there is a potential that bacteria and viruses from human remains to enter the groundwater and infect people, all states have requirements that burial sites be far enough away from water sources to alleviate these health concerns. The specific distance required varies among states and localities.\\nFor example, in Massachusetts, you cannot use a burial plot within 200 feet (61 m) of rivers or within 100 feet (30.5 m) of the high-water mark of any other public water source.\\nYou also want to take care that the site is not in a flood plain, which could result in the site being flooded and destroyed.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Hire a soil evaluator to evaluate the suitability of the site.\", \"描述\": \"A geological evaluation determines the high groundwater level and depth to bedrock. A soil evaluator will also profile the soil variability and consistency to determine whether it is suitable for a burial site.\\nFor example, you wouldn't want a burial site with loose, sandy soil because it can easily erode, exposing the burial.\\nIf the site you've chosen is on a slope, the evaluation will also determine if the slope is stable enough to support a burial without the risk of exposure from run-off and erosion.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Get your chosen site approved by local authorities if necessary.\", \"描述\": \"In some states and localities, a local board in charge of burials needs to approve the specific site where you want to be buried on your property. The board may have specific studies or evaluations that you must have done before your site will be approved.\\nYou typically won't have to pay a fee for permission from the board, although you will have to pay for a certified professional to evaluate the site and produce a report for the board's review.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Enter a contract with an excavator.\", \"描述\": \"Moving enough dirt for a burial plot is a massive task, and likely not one you want to leave to your family members. If you hire an excavator to dig the grave, you can be certain that the dig is professional and meets your state's specifications.\\nKeep in mind that although the excavator will dig the hole for the grave, they typically will not return to replace the dirt. Your family members may be responsible for refilling the hole with shovels and similar tools.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Making Burial Arrangements\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Designate a family member to facilitate the death certificate.\", \"描述\": \"The state won't allow your body to be buried until a death certificate has been issued. Typically, your next-of-kin will get a report from a nurse or doctor that they'll use to have the death certificate issued.\\nYou may want to designate more than one person, in case your first choice isn't available.\\nContact your state's department of health and find out how a person can get a death certificate issued. Then write down the steps, including the information or documents the person will need. Give this to the family member you've chosen to handle this matter so they'll know what to do.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Find out the process for getting a burial permit.\", \"描述\": \"Even if your chosen gravesite has already been approved, some states require your designated family member to get a burial permit before they can bury your body. The burial permit typically isn't issued until after your death is confirmed.\\nThe burial permit is typically issued by the local board of health. It may be the same office that issues the death certificate.\\nYou typically can't get burial permits in advance, but it's a good idea to get this information for your designated family member so they know what to do.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Discuss\", \"描述\": \"Talking about your burial can be a difficult conversation to have. However, particularly if you want to be buried on your own property, it's important that your closest family members know what you want well in advance.\\nMost states don't actually require bodies to be embalmed prior to burial, so if that's not something you want, you can skip it. If you want a more traditional burial with a shroud, for example, you can typically do this. You just have to let your family members know what you want.\\nFollowing a death, your next-of-kin will likely be connected immediately to a funeral director to make arrangements. If they don't know what you want or that you've already chosen and prepared a site, you may not get the final resting place you want.\\nIn addition to the person you've designated to facilitate the death certificate, it's a good idea to let other close family members know your preferences. For example, you might invite family over for dinner and then take them out to see the site you've chosen. Then, you can explain that you want to be buried there.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Choose the coffin you want for your burial.\", \"描述\": \"If you're having a home burial, you don't necessarily need the expensive caskets, liners, and other products that may be required for burial in a public cemetery (although you can certainly have them if you want). However, home burials typically use more simple products that are more environmentally friendly and allow for a more natural burial.\\nYou can order basic cardboard or wood coffins online if you want. While it may seem somewhat morbid to order your coffin in advance, it does allow you to pick out the one you want. If you're focused on an environmentally friendly burial, make sure you choose a coffin that is biodegradable.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Document your decisions apart from your will or trust.\", \"描述\": \"If you have a will, chances are it won't go through probate until long after you've passed. That would be too late to communicate your burial preferences. Create a separate document and make sure designated family members have copies of it.\\nThe Funeral Consumers Alliance has forms you can use to document your final wishes available at https://funerals.org/?consumers=legal-right-make-decisions-funeral. Make sure you choose the right form for your state. If there's no form specific to your state, you can use the generic blank form.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Add information about the gravesite to the property deed.\", \"描述\": \"State law prohibits gravesites from being disturbed, even if your property is later sold. However, the deed should state exactly where the gravesite is located on the property.\\nContact your county's register of deeds for a form to amend your deed. Typically, a hand-drawn map of your property is sufficient to mark a gravesite. If you had a survey of your property done, you can also mark the gravesite on the survey map.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"The Funeral Ethics Organization has a pamphlet for each state that summarizes the burial and funeral laws and regulations available for download at http://www.funeralethics.org/rights.htm.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"This article discusses how to be buried on your own property in the US. If you live in another country, the rules may be different. Contact your local department of health for more information.\\n\", \"Laws referenced in this article are accurate as of December 2019. Check with the government agency that regulates burials in your state for the most up-to-date rules and regulations for home burial.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,582 | How to Be Busy | 1. Developing Your Skills
1-1. Do what you love.
Keeping busy with menial tasks and other day to day activities can become exhausting. Staying busy with activities that are meaningful to you, however, can be energizing. Focus on devoting more time to doing the things that really matter to you. Get inspired and busy yourself with activities that will move you closer to some of your life goals.
Make a list of your life goals. Include the loftier ones that feel more like dreams than goals, too!
The list is your road map. Plot out what steps need to be taken to reach each goal and then get started.
1-2. Pursue a hobby.
You probably have at least one hobby in your life that you really enjoy, if not more. Concentrate on one or two of them. Become an expert! If your hobby is an artistic or creative pursuit, put some time and energy into becoming more skillful at it. Even hobbies that don’t seem action-oriented on the surface can be explored deeply.
For example, if your hobby is reading, you can start in on that stack of novels you’ve been meaning to read.
But don’t stop there. Research new authors and explore new genres. Start a blog and write reviews of the books you read. Join a book club.
No matter what your hobby is, there is always a way to take it to the next level.
1-3. Focus on a project.
If you’re in the middle of a work or school project that you’re enjoying, really throw yourself into honing your skills and making it a success. Or you could get busy with a project at home, like replacing all of the curtains, building a piece of furniture, or painting the walls a new color.
If you are coordinating an event soon, you can focus on that as a project.
For example, you could finally rebuild that classic car you’ve had stored in the garage for months.
1-4. Take a class.
Sharpen some of your current skills by signing up for an online college course on the topic. For instance, maybe you want to improve your writing or Photoshop skills. If you enjoy cooking, try taking a cooking class. Love yoga? Sign up for a program at your local gym. Technical school classes and on-the-job training are great ways to develop and increase your skills, as well.
Taking a formal class isn’t the only way to approach this. Be your own instructor and educate yourself!
For example, perhaps you have some specialized knowledge on a topic that you can develop further by doing internet research, checking out local libraries, visiting museums, etc.
2. Entertaining Yourself
2-1. Play a game.
Pass the time by playing an old school board game, like Monopoly or Clue, with a friend or sibling. If you’re looking for something a little different, go online and try out some of the many games available there. Everything from Scrabble and Tetris to role playing games like World of Warcraft are online, and you can play against opponents that live all over the world.
Master your favorite video game, if that's more your style.
Keep yourself busy with solo games like Sudoku, solitaire and crossword puzzles.
If you are looking for something a little more intense, give chess a try.
2-2. Call a friend.
Instead of texting or sending your friends instant messages via your computer or tablet, give them a call. A good chat with a friend will keep you occupied and raise your spirits. Call up your friends just to chat, or make plans to meet up with them later and hang out.
Plan some activities that you can all do together, like go to the movies, head to the mall, go bowling, visit the local skate park, check out a museum or just go on a walk together to catch up.
2-3. Offer to help with chores.
Keep yourself busy by helping out around the house. Ask one of your parents to give you a list of chores that you can take care of each week. Consider working out a system with your parents so that you could get paid a small allowance for fulfilling your weekly "duties."
That way you’ll stay busy with chores and once you’re finished, you will have spending money to go do something fun!
2-4. Watch movies.
Write down a list of movies you’ve been wanting to see. If you can’t think of any, ask your friends and family members for recommendations. Go online and research the movie genres that you like and discover films to watch that way. Keep your list handy and work your way through the movies by watching them on Netflix or via iTunes.
Consider starting a blog of your movie reviews.
Invite friends over and watch movies together, then rate them and talk about them afterward.
Starting a group blog of movie reviews would also be fun.
3. Trying New Things
3-1. Start a workout routine.
Adults should aim for about 150 minutes of moderate aerobic activity every week. If you prefer more intense workouts, you should strive for 75 minutes of vigorous aerobic activity every week. Two days of strength training is also recommended. Develop a balanced weekly routine for yourself and stick to it.
Getting fit is an excellent way to keep busy, but the real payoff is becoming a healthier person.
Starting a fitness program may reduce your risk for chronic disease, improve your mood and self-esteem, develop better sleep habits and improve your balance and coordination.
3-2. Keep a journal.
Set aside time each day to write, whether that session is an hour or just 15 minutes long. Document your daily life, express yourself and write down your dreams. Use your journal any way you see fit – you aren’t limited to writing words only.
You can get creative and draw, paint, collect photos and keepsakes, etc.
If you want to take journal-writing to the next level, consider writing your own memoir.
3-3. Study a new language or learn to play an instrument.
Both of these activities require a lot of time and dedication to master, so they will definitely keep you busy. Use language-learning software to become proficient in another language or sign up for a college class. If music is more your thing, find a community member who gives lessons and learn to play the guitar or piano.
3-4. Look for ways to contribute.
Get involved with your community in whatever capacity appeals to you. Volunteer at a local hospital, homeless shelter or some other non-profit organization. Join a local committee or sit on a board. Mentor a young person. Tutor students. Look for open internships. There are so many ways to help people, both big and small.
Pay attention to what's going on around you, at your job, and in your friends' and family's lives.
Offer your help to friends, family or coworkers whenever you see that someone’s in need.
4. Improving Your Environment
4-1. Do some spring cleaning.
Take on some of the bigger cleaning projects, such as steam cleaning your carpet, laundering all of the drapes, wiping down the baseboards, reorganizing your closet, cleaning the ceiling fans and so on. Organize your workspace by cleaning off your desk, organizing your files and removing clutter. Clean and organize the attic, basement or garage of your home.
There are always cleaning tasks that can be done.
Or you could finally finish that house project you’ve been putting off for months.
4-2. Become handier around the house.
Look for ways that your home can be improved or repaired. Learn some of the practical skills, such as electrical wiring, plumbing, landscaping, etc., you’d need to complete those tasks yourself. Then go for it! Consider other handy skills, like learning how to install or troubleshoot computers or the basics of car repair.
4-3. Redecorate.
Whether you want to redecorate your bedroom or take on the whole house, it’s a fun process that will certainly keep you busy. Consider repainting your walls, rearranging furniture, changing the artwork, making your own curtains, restoring and reupholstering furniture – there are tons of possibilities.
Explore DIY projects online and incorporate some of those ideas.
Choose the tasks that you would enjoy doing the most and update your home’s décor.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:25",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Developing Your Skills\\n1-1. Do what you love.\\nKeeping busy with menial tasks and other day to day activities can become exhausting. Staying busy with activities that are meaningful to you, however, can be energizing. Focus on devoting more time to doing the things that really matter to you. Get inspired and busy yourself with activities that will move you closer to some of your life goals.\\nMake a list of your life goals. Include the loftier ones that feel more like dreams than goals, too!\\nThe list is your road map. Plot out what steps need to be taken to reach each goal and then get started.\\n1-2. Pursue a hobby.\\nYou probably have at least one hobby in your life that you really enjoy, if not more. Concentrate on one or two of them. Become an expert! If your hobby is an artistic or creative pursuit, put some time and energy into becoming more skillful at it. Even hobbies that don’t seem action-oriented on the surface can be explored deeply.\\nFor example, if your hobby is reading, you can start in on that stack of novels you’ve been meaning to read.\\nBut don’t stop there. Research new authors and explore new genres. Start a blog and write reviews of the books you read. Join a book club.\\nNo matter what your hobby is, there is always a way to take it to the next level.\\n1-3. Focus on a project.\\nIf you’re in the middle of a work or school project that you’re enjoying, really throw yourself into honing your skills and making it a success. Or you could get busy with a project at home, like replacing all of the curtains, building a piece of furniture, or painting the walls a new color.\\nIf you are coordinating an event soon, you can focus on that as a project.\\nFor example, you could finally rebuild that classic car you’ve had stored in the garage for months.\\n1-4. Take a class.\\nSharpen some of your current skills by signing up for an online college course on the topic. For instance, maybe you want to improve your writing or Photoshop skills. If you enjoy cooking, try taking a cooking class. Love yoga? Sign up for a program at your local gym. Technical school classes and on-the-job training are great ways to develop and increase your skills, as well.\\nTaking a formal class isn’t the only way to approach this. Be your own instructor and educate yourself!\\nFor example, perhaps you have some specialized knowledge on a topic that you can develop further by doing internet research, checking out local libraries, visiting museums, etc.\\n2. Entertaining Yourself\\n2-1. Play a game.\\nPass the time by playing an old school board game, like Monopoly or Clue, with a friend or sibling. If you’re looking for something a little different, go online and try out some of the many games available there. Everything from Scrabble and Tetris to role playing games like World of Warcraft are online, and you can play against opponents that live all over the world.\\nMaster your favorite video game, if that's more your style.\\nKeep yourself busy with solo games like Sudoku, solitaire and crossword puzzles.\\nIf you are looking for something a little more intense, give chess a try.\\n2-2. Call a friend.\\nInstead of texting or sending your friends instant messages via your computer or tablet, give them a call. A good chat with a friend will keep you occupied and raise your spirits. Call up your friends just to chat, or make plans to meet up with them later and hang out.\\nPlan some activities that you can all do together, like go to the movies, head to the mall, go bowling, visit the local skate park, check out a museum or just go on a walk together to catch up.\\n2-3. Offer to help with chores.\\nKeep yourself busy by helping out around the house. Ask one of your parents to give you a list of chores that you can take care of each week. Consider working out a system with your parents so that you could get paid a small allowance for fulfilling your weekly \\\"duties.\\\"\\nThat way you’ll stay busy with chores and once you’re finished, you will have spending money to go do something fun!\\n2-4. Watch movies.\\nWrite down a list of movies you’ve been wanting to see. If you can’t think of any, ask your friends and family members for recommendations. Go online and research the movie genres that you like and discover films to watch that way. Keep your list handy and work your way through the movies by watching them on Netflix or via iTunes.\\nConsider starting a blog of your movie reviews.\\nInvite friends over and watch movies together, then rate them and talk about them afterward.\\nStarting a group blog of movie reviews would also be fun.\\n3. Trying New Things\\n3-1. Start a workout routine.\\nAdults should aim for about 150 minutes of moderate aerobic activity every week. If you prefer more intense workouts, you should strive for 75 minutes of vigorous aerobic activity every week. Two days of strength training is also recommended. Develop a balanced weekly routine for yourself and stick to it.\\nGetting fit is an excellent way to keep busy, but the real payoff is becoming a healthier person.\\nStarting a fitness program may reduce your risk for chronic disease, improve your mood and self-esteem, develop better sleep habits and improve your balance and coordination.\\n3-2. Keep a journal.\\nSet aside time each day to write, whether that session is an hour or just 15 minutes long. Document your daily life, express yourself and write down your dreams. Use your journal any way you see fit – you aren’t limited to writing words only.\\nYou can get creative and draw, paint, collect photos and keepsakes, etc.\\nIf you want to take journal-writing to the next level, consider writing your own memoir.\\n3-3. Study a new language or learn to play an instrument.\\nBoth of these activities require a lot of time and dedication to master, so they will definitely keep you busy. Use language-learning software to become proficient in another language or sign up for a college class. If music is more your thing, find a community member who gives lessons and learn to play the guitar or piano.\\n3-4. Look for ways to contribute.\\nGet involved with your community in whatever capacity appeals to you. Volunteer at a local hospital, homeless shelter or some other non-profit organization. Join a local committee or sit on a board. Mentor a young person. Tutor students. Look for open internships. There are so many ways to help people, both big and small.\\nPay attention to what's going on around you, at your job, and in your friends' and family's lives.\\nOffer your help to friends, family or coworkers whenever you see that someone’s in need.\\n4. Improving Your Environment\\n4-1. Do some spring cleaning.\\nTake on some of the bigger cleaning projects, such as steam cleaning your carpet, laundering all of the drapes, wiping down the baseboards, reorganizing your closet, cleaning the ceiling fans and so on. Organize your workspace by cleaning off your desk, organizing your files and removing clutter. Clean and organize the attic, basement or garage of your home.\\nThere are always cleaning tasks that can be done.\\nOr you could finally finish that house project you’ve been putting off for months.\\n4-2. Become handier around the house.\\nLook for ways that your home can be improved or repaired. Learn some of the practical skills, such as electrical wiring, plumbing, landscaping, etc., you’d need to complete those tasks yourself. Then go for it! Consider other handy skills, like learning how to install or troubleshoot computers or the basics of car repair.\\n4-3. Redecorate.\\nWhether you want to redecorate your bedroom or take on the whole house, it’s a fun process that will certainly keep you busy. Consider repainting your walls, rearranging furniture, changing the artwork, making your own curtains, restoring and reupholstering furniture – there are tons of possibilities.\\nExplore DIY projects online and incorporate some of those ideas.\\nChoose the tasks that you would enjoy doing the most and update your home’s décor.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"In general, people who keep themselves busy are happier than people who do not. However, it’s easy to fall into the trap of keeping yourself mindlessly busy with menial tasks. While there’s a time and place for completing day-to-day tasks, you’ll be much happier if you keep yourself busy with activities and pursuits that are meaningful to you.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Developing Your Skills\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Do what you love.\", \"描述\": \"Keeping busy with menial tasks and other day to day activities can become exhausting. Staying busy with activities that are meaningful to you, however, can be energizing. Focus on devoting more time to doing the things that really matter to you. Get inspired and busy yourself with activities that will move you closer to some of your life goals.\\nMake a list of your life goals. Include the loftier ones that feel more like dreams than goals, too!\\nThe list is your road map. Plot out what steps need to be taken to reach each goal and then get started.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Pursue a hobby.\", \"描述\": \"You probably have at least one hobby in your life that you really enjoy, if not more. Concentrate on one or two of them. Become an expert! If your hobby is an artistic or creative pursuit, put some time and energy into becoming more skillful at it. Even hobbies that don’t seem action-oriented on the surface can be explored deeply.\\nFor example, if your hobby is reading, you can start in on that stack of novels you’ve been meaning to read.\\nBut don’t stop there. Research new authors and explore new genres. Start a blog and write reviews of the books you read. Join a book club.\\nNo matter what your hobby is, there is always a way to take it to the next level.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Focus on a project.\", \"描述\": \"If you’re in the middle of a work or school project that you’re enjoying, really throw yourself into honing your skills and making it a success. Or you could get busy with a project at home, like replacing all of the curtains, building a piece of furniture, or painting the walls a new color.\\nIf you are coordinating an event soon, you can focus on that as a project.\\nFor example, you could finally rebuild that classic car you’ve had stored in the garage for months.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Take a class.\", \"描述\": \"Sharpen some of your current skills by signing up for an online college course on the topic. For instance, maybe you want to improve your writing or Photoshop skills. If you enjoy cooking, try taking a cooking class. Love yoga? Sign up for a program at your local gym. Technical school classes and on-the-job training are great ways to develop and increase your skills, as well.\\nTaking a formal class isn’t the only way to approach this. Be your own instructor and educate yourself!\\nFor example, perhaps you have some specialized knowledge on a topic that you can develop further by doing internet research, checking out local libraries, visiting museums, etc.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Entertaining Yourself\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Play a game.\", \"描述\": \"Pass the time by playing an old school board game, like Monopoly or Clue, with a friend or sibling. If you’re looking for something a little different, go online and try out some of the many games available there. Everything from Scrabble and Tetris to role playing games like World of Warcraft are online, and you can play against opponents that live all over the world.\\nMaster your favorite video game, if that's more your style.\\nKeep yourself busy with solo games like Sudoku, solitaire and crossword puzzles.\\nIf you are looking for something a little more intense, give chess a try.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Call a friend.\", \"描述\": \"Instead of texting or sending your friends instant messages via your computer or tablet, give them a call. A good chat with a friend will keep you occupied and raise your spirits. Call up your friends just to chat, or make plans to meet up with them later and hang out.\\nPlan some activities that you can all do together, like go to the movies, head to the mall, go bowling, visit the local skate park, check out a museum or just go on a walk together to catch up.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Offer to help with chores.\", \"描述\": \"Keep yourself busy by helping out around the house. Ask one of your parents to give you a list of chores that you can take care of each week. Consider working out a system with your parents so that you could get paid a small allowance for fulfilling your weekly \\\"duties.\\\"\\nThat way you’ll stay busy with chores and once you’re finished, you will have spending money to go do something fun!\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Watch movies.\", \"描述\": \"Write down a list of movies you’ve been wanting to see. If you can’t think of any, ask your friends and family members for recommendations. Go online and research the movie genres that you like and discover films to watch that way. Keep your list handy and work your way through the movies by watching them on Netflix or via iTunes.\\nConsider starting a blog of your movie reviews.\\nInvite friends over and watch movies together, then rate them and talk about them afterward.\\nStarting a group blog of movie reviews would also be fun.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Trying New Things\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Start a workout routine.\", \"描述\": \"Adults should aim for about 150 minutes of moderate aerobic activity every week. If you prefer more intense workouts, you should strive for 75 minutes of vigorous aerobic activity every week. Two days of strength training is also recommended. Develop a balanced weekly routine for yourself and stick to it.\\nGetting fit is an excellent way to keep busy, but the real payoff is becoming a healthier person.\\nStarting a fitness program may reduce your risk for chronic disease, improve your mood and self-esteem, develop better sleep habits and improve your balance and coordination.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Keep a journal.\", \"描述\": \"Set aside time each day to write, whether that session is an hour or just 15 minutes long. Document your daily life, express yourself and write down your dreams. Use your journal any way you see fit – you aren’t limited to writing words only.\\nYou can get creative and draw, paint, collect photos and keepsakes, etc.\\nIf you want to take journal-writing to the next level, consider writing your own memoir.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Study a new language or learn to play an instrument.\", \"描述\": \"Both of these activities require a lot of time and dedication to master, so they will definitely keep you busy. Use language-learning software to become proficient in another language or sign up for a college class. If music is more your thing, find a community member who gives lessons and learn to play the guitar or piano.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Look for ways to contribute.\", \"描述\": \"Get involved with your community in whatever capacity appeals to you. Volunteer at a local hospital, homeless shelter or some other non-profit organization. Join a local committee or sit on a board. Mentor a young person. Tutor students. Look for open internships. There are so many ways to help people, both big and small.\\nPay attention to what's going on around you, at your job, and in your friends' and family's lives.\\nOffer your help to friends, family or coworkers whenever you see that someone’s in need.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Improving Your Environment\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Do some spring cleaning.\", \"描述\": \"Take on some of the bigger cleaning projects, such as steam cleaning your carpet, laundering all of the drapes, wiping down the baseboards, reorganizing your closet, cleaning the ceiling fans and so on. Organize your workspace by cleaning off your desk, organizing your files and removing clutter. Clean and organize the attic, basement or garage of your home.\\nThere are always cleaning tasks that can be done.\\nOr you could finally finish that house project you’ve been putting off for months.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Become handier around the house.\", \"描述\": \"Look for ways that your home can be improved or repaired. Learn some of the practical skills, such as electrical wiring, plumbing, landscaping, etc., you’d need to complete those tasks yourself. Then go for it! Consider other handy skills, like learning how to install or troubleshoot computers or the basics of car repair.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Redecorate.\", \"描述\": \"Whether you want to redecorate your bedroom or take on the whole house, it’s a fun process that will certainly keep you busy. Consider repainting your walls, rearranging furniture, changing the artwork, making your own curtains, restoring and reupholstering furniture – there are tons of possibilities.\\nExplore DIY projects online and incorporate some of those ideas.\\nChoose the tasks that you would enjoy doing the most and update your home’s décor.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,583 | How to Be Caller Number 10 to a Radio Station | 1. Becoming the 10th Caller
1-1. Listen to the radio.
You'll need a pretty good idea of when your favorite radio stations are holding these contests. Sometimes a station will randomly welcome callers to enter these types of contests. Choose a few stations and write down the times for when they begin the contest.
1-2. Save their number in your phone.
Be careful to save the number that the DJ lists for callers to call in on. If you get the wrong number, you could easily mistake it for a busy signal.
1-3. Set the number to speed dial.
If your phone doesn't have speed dial, then store the number into your favorites. This will increase the speed at which you'll be able to dial the number.
1-4. Wait until they ask for callers.
Calling into the station at any old time could get you nowhere. Listen for the DJ to actually say we are now accepting callers for a chance to win yada yada.
If you're caller number 4, 7, or 9 in the giveaway you shouldn't give up. Even if you're caller 9 and they're looking for the 10th caller, don't give up. DJs often get distracted and don't always answer the phone calls in the order they started ringing.
1-5. Redial if you get the busy signal.
Lots of people will also be calling into the station. Chances are that you'll call-in at the same moment as someone else. Hang up as quickly as you can and redial.
Remember that the phones inside the studios don't ring out loud and they just have a little flashing light. Don't give up when no one answers in 20 rings. They may be getting to you.
1-6. Don't call too late or too early.
The radio station usually starts accepting calls after the contest has been solicited and the new song or commercials have started. You should wait until they say they are going to play the music or news so that you have a chance for your phone to ring.
2. Increasing Your Chances
2-1. Learn the "delay" of your phone.
If you use a cell phone, it usually takes about 5 seconds or so for the call to start. Keep this information in mind and call ahead.
2-2. Decipher which radio stations answer.
If you find that one station never picks up your calls, but a different one will, on occasion, spend more time with the latter station. Some radio programs are extremely popular, like morning shows. Research to see if there are any call-in contests on the weekdays or after the morning traffic.
2-3. Get an extra phone.
This might sound a bit far-fetched and expensive, but it doesn't have to be. Purchase a pay as you go phone and only use it to call DJs. Program your phone to have the radio station on speed dial. As you dial the initial call on your phone, make another call on your spare phone.
2-4. Ask a friend to help.
Lots of radio station prizes are for two tickets. If you have a friend or partner that you were planning to take to an event, then ask if they'd be interested in helping you. Two people have an increased chance of winning.
2-5. Research the program.
Check the station's website and register to be a VIP, registered user, etc. Don't forget to opt in. You aren't restricted to winning on the air. More radio stations are also doing web based giveaways of the same prizes given away on the air.
3. Staying Proactive
3-1. Set an alarm.
It's a good idea to set some type of a reminder for yourself. This will also help you be less of a victim to waiting around for the radio show.
3-2. Engage after the program.
Most DJs have Myspace.com pages, facebook.com pages or pages and emails accessible from the station's website.
Send a polite email or message telling them how much you love the station, that they're your favorite DJ. Most all DJs have egos so play up to it.
You may not increase your chances of winning but it certainly doesn't hurt.
3-3. Don't call every time you hear a contest.
Most stations have limits to how many times you can win in a 30 day period. Don't call to win the sausage sampler if you know AC/DC tickets are going on sale soon!
3-4. Call the radio station to chat.
Just call in to chat up the DJ. Ask when they will be giving away the prize you want to win. Some DJs may not mind sharing the info. Just be nice.
3-5. Brush up your music knowledge.
Lots of times these stations will ask music related questions. Look for websites that will quiz you on your music trivia.
Tips
Most stations require you to pick up your prize within 10 business days or it will be "re-gifted". If you win tickets you should pick it up a few business days before the event and not wait until the last minute.
Make sure you know the station's business hours. It's usually Monday-Friday from 9-5 but may vary by market, holiday, location and weather. Even though the station is 24 hours you can only pick up your winning during regular business hours from the receptionist up front.
Radio stations don't always get the best tickets for giveaways. You can probably get better seats by buying your own tickets. Unless they say it's front row, you run the chance of getting the nosebleed seats.
Warnings
Don't call the station with a pitiful tale and expect to win a prize. They really don't have extras lying around waiting for someone with a sob story to call. People try this with every station with almost every contest. They've heard it all before.
Stations don't get stacks of tickets. If they get tickets it's only a few pairs (usually 5-10) and they're required to be given away on air as part of a contest.
Don't let winning take over your life. Be productive with your life and call in for fun.
Sometimes, you may have to do something for a prize. Say if you have to sing for your tickets, then be prepared to sing; if you have to be in the studio to perform a stunt (like a hot dog-eating competition), be prepared to do so if you are picked.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:25",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Becoming the 10th Caller\\n1-1. Listen to the radio.\\nYou'll need a pretty good idea of when your favorite radio stations are holding these contests. Sometimes a station will randomly welcome callers to enter these types of contests. Choose a few stations and write down the times for when they begin the contest.\\n1-2. Save their number in your phone.\\nBe careful to save the number that the DJ lists for callers to call in on. If you get the wrong number, you could easily mistake it for a busy signal.\\n1-3. Set the number to speed dial.\\nIf your phone doesn't have speed dial, then store the number into your favorites. This will increase the speed at which you'll be able to dial the number.\\n1-4. Wait until they ask for callers.\\nCalling into the station at any old time could get you nowhere. Listen for the DJ to actually say we are now accepting callers for a chance to win yada yada.\\nIf you're caller number 4, 7, or 9 in the giveaway you shouldn't give up. Even if you're caller 9 and they're looking for the 10th caller, don't give up. DJs often get distracted and don't always answer the phone calls in the order they started ringing.\\n1-5. Redial if you get the busy signal.\\nLots of people will also be calling into the station. Chances are that you'll call-in at the same moment as someone else. Hang up as quickly as you can and redial.\\nRemember that the phones inside the studios don't ring out loud and they just have a little flashing light. Don't give up when no one answers in 20 rings. They may be getting to you.\\n1-6. Don't call too late or too early.\\nThe radio station usually starts accepting calls after the contest has been solicited and the new song or commercials have started. You should wait until they say they are going to play the music or news so that you have a chance for your phone to ring.\\n2. Increasing Your Chances\\n2-1. Learn the \\\"delay\\\" of your phone.\\nIf you use a cell phone, it usually takes about 5 seconds or so for the call to start. Keep this information in mind and call ahead.\\n2-2. Decipher which radio stations answer.\\nIf you find that one station never picks up your calls, but a different one will, on occasion, spend more time with the latter station. Some radio programs are extremely popular, like morning shows. Research to see if there are any call-in contests on the weekdays or after the morning traffic.\\n2-3. Get an extra phone.\\nThis might sound a bit far-fetched and expensive, but it doesn't have to be. Purchase a pay as you go phone and only use it to call DJs. Program your phone to have the radio station on speed dial. As you dial the initial call on your phone, make another call on your spare phone.\\n2-4. Ask a friend to help.\\nLots of radio station prizes are for two tickets. If you have a friend or partner that you were planning to take to an event, then ask if they'd be interested in helping you. Two people have an increased chance of winning.\\n2-5. Research the program.\\nCheck the station's website and register to be a VIP, registered user, etc. Don't forget to opt in. You aren't restricted to winning on the air. More radio stations are also doing web based giveaways of the same prizes given away on the air.\\n3. Staying Proactive\\n3-1. Set an alarm.\\nIt's a good idea to set some type of a reminder for yourself. This will also help you be less of a victim to waiting around for the radio show.\\n3-2. Engage after the program.\\nMost DJs have Myspace.com pages, facebook.com pages or pages and emails accessible from the station's website.\\nSend a polite email or message telling them how much you love the station, that they're your favorite DJ. Most all DJs have egos so play up to it.\\nYou may not increase your chances of winning but it certainly doesn't hurt.\\n3-3. Don't call every time you hear a contest.\\nMost stations have limits to how many times you can win in a 30 day period. Don't call to win the sausage sampler if you know AC/DC tickets are going on sale soon!\\n3-4. Call the radio station to chat.\\nJust call in to chat up the DJ. Ask when they will be giving away the prize you want to win. Some DJs may not mind sharing the info. Just be nice.\\n3-5. Brush up your music knowledge.\\nLots of times these stations will ask music related questions. Look for websites that will quiz you on your music trivia.\\nTips\\nMost stations require you to pick up your prize within 10 business days or it will be \\\"re-gifted\\\". If you win tickets you should pick it up a few business days before the event and not wait until the last minute.\\nMake sure you know the station's business hours. It's usually Monday-Friday from 9-5 but may vary by market, holiday, location and weather. Even though the station is 24 hours you can only pick up your winning during regular business hours from the receptionist up front.\\nRadio stations don't always get the best tickets for giveaways. You can probably get better seats by buying your own tickets. Unless they say it's front row, you run the chance of getting the nosebleed seats.\\nWarnings\\nDon't call the station with a pitiful tale and expect to win a prize. They really don't have extras lying around waiting for someone with a sob story to call. People try this with every station with almost every contest. They've heard it all before.\\nStations don't get stacks of tickets. If they get tickets it's only a few pairs (usually 5-10) and they're required to be given away on air as part of a contest.\\nDon't let winning take over your life. Be productive with your life and call in for fun.\\nSometimes, you may have to do something for a prize. Say if you have to sing for your tickets, then be prepared to sing; if you have to be in the studio to perform a stunt (like a hot dog-eating competition), be prepared to do so if you are picked.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"All the time, radios are asking for listeners to call-in and \\\"the tenth caller wins tickets to a concert!\\\" (or whichever number your radio station uses). They do actually give away prizes, so it is worth the effort if you like winning prizes. While it's pretty much a matter of luck, there are some things you can do to increase your chances.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Becoming the 10th Caller\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Listen to the radio.\", \"描述\": \"You'll need a pretty good idea of when your favorite radio stations are holding these contests. Sometimes a station will randomly welcome callers to enter these types of contests. Choose a few stations and write down the times for when they begin the contest.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Save their number in your phone.\", \"描述\": \"Be careful to save the number that the DJ lists for callers to call in on. If you get the wrong number, you could easily mistake it for a busy signal.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Set the number to speed dial.\", \"描述\": \"If your phone doesn't have speed dial, then store the number into your favorites. This will increase the speed at which you'll be able to dial the number.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Wait until they ask for callers.\", \"描述\": \"Calling into the station at any old time could get you nowhere. Listen for the DJ to actually say we are now accepting callers for a chance to win yada yada.\\nIf you're caller number 4, 7, or 9 in the giveaway you shouldn't give up. Even if you're caller 9 and they're looking for the 10th caller, don't give up. DJs often get distracted and don't always answer the phone calls in the order they started ringing.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Redial if you get the busy signal.\", \"描述\": \"Lots of people will also be calling into the station. Chances are that you'll call-in at the same moment as someone else. Hang up as quickly as you can and redial.\\nRemember that the phones inside the studios don't ring out loud and they just have a little flashing light. Don't give up when no one answers in 20 rings. They may be getting to you.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Don't call too late or too early.\", \"描述\": \"The radio station usually starts accepting calls after the contest has been solicited and the new song or commercials have started. You should wait until they say they are going to play the music or news so that you have a chance for your phone to ring.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Increasing Your Chances\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Learn the \\\"delay\\\" of your phone.\", \"描述\": \"If you use a cell phone, it usually takes about 5 seconds or so for the call to start. Keep this information in mind and call ahead.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Decipher which radio stations answer.\", \"描述\": \"If you find that one station never picks up your calls, but a different one will, on occasion, spend more time with the latter station. Some radio programs are extremely popular, like morning shows. Research to see if there are any call-in contests on the weekdays or after the morning traffic.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Get an extra phone.\", \"描述\": \"This might sound a bit far-fetched and expensive, but it doesn't have to be. Purchase a pay as you go phone and only use it to call DJs. Program your phone to have the radio station on speed dial. As you dial the initial call on your phone, make another call on your spare phone.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Ask a friend to help.\", \"描述\": \"Lots of radio station prizes are for two tickets. If you have a friend or partner that you were planning to take to an event, then ask if they'd be interested in helping you. Two people have an increased chance of winning.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Research the program.\", \"描述\": \"Check the station's website and register to be a VIP, registered user, etc. Don't forget to opt in. You aren't restricted to winning on the air. More radio stations are also doing web based giveaways of the same prizes given away on the air.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Staying Proactive\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Set an alarm.\", \"描述\": \"It's a good idea to set some type of a reminder for yourself. This will also help you be less of a victim to waiting around for the radio show.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Engage after the program.\", \"描述\": \"Most DJs have Myspace.com pages, facebook.com pages or pages and emails accessible from the station's website.\\nSend a polite email or message telling them how much you love the station, that they're your favorite DJ. Most all DJs have egos so play up to it.\\nYou may not increase your chances of winning but it certainly doesn't hurt.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Don't call every time you hear a contest.\", \"描述\": \"Most stations have limits to how many times you can win in a 30 day period. Don't call to win the sausage sampler if you know AC/DC tickets are going on sale soon!\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Call the radio station to chat.\", \"描述\": \"Just call in to chat up the DJ. Ask when they will be giving away the prize you want to win. Some DJs may not mind sharing the info. Just be nice.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Brush up your music knowledge.\", \"描述\": \"Lots of times these stations will ask music related questions. Look for websites that will quiz you on your music trivia.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Most stations require you to pick up your prize within 10 business days or it will be \\\"re-gifted\\\". If you win tickets you should pick it up a few business days before the event and not wait until the last minute.\\n\", \"Make sure you know the station's business hours. It's usually Monday-Friday from 9-5 but may vary by market, holiday, location and weather. Even though the station is 24 hours you can only pick up your winning during regular business hours from the receptionist up front.\\n\", \"Radio stations don't always get the best tickets for giveaways. You can probably get better seats by buying your own tickets. Unless they say it's front row, you run the chance of getting the nosebleed seats.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Don't call the station with a pitiful tale and expect to win a prize. They really don't have extras lying around waiting for someone with a sob story to call. People try this with every station with almost every contest. They've heard it all before.\\n\", \"Stations don't get stacks of tickets. If they get tickets it's only a few pairs (usually 5-10) and they're required to be given away on air as part of a contest.\\n\", \"Don't let winning take over your life. Be productive with your life and call in for fun.\\n\", \"Sometimes, you may have to do something for a prize. Say if you have to sing for your tickets, then be prepared to sing; if you have to be in the studio to perform a stunt (like a hot dog-eating competition), be prepared to do so if you are picked.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,584 | How to Be Calm | 1. Calming Down In the Moment
1-1. Stop and re-focus your senses.
When you encounter stress, anger, or anxiety, it can trigger your body’s “fight or flight” mode. Your sympathetic nervous system perceives that you’re under attack and kicks your body into high gear, boosting your heart rate, constricting blood vessels, restricting your breathing, and tensing your muscles.Try to get a hold of your emotions because the person who would be hurt will be you. When you feel these symptoms, stop what you’re doing (if you can safely) and re-focus your senses on what your body is experiencing. This can help reduce what scientists call “automatic reactivity.”
Your brain develops “automatic reactivity” patterns to stimuli such as stressors. These are basically habits that your brain triggers. Whenever it encounters a particular stimulus, such as a fight with a person, it activates a particular set of pathways.
Studies show that breaking this “habit” of reaction by re-focusing your senses on what’s actually going on can help your brain develop new, healthier habitual reactions.
Do a quick body scan, but don’t judge anything you’re feeling as “good” or “bad.” Try to stick to the facts. For example, if you’re angry, your heartbeat is probably pumping and you may even feel queasy. Simply acknowledge these sensory experiences. For example: “Right now I feel nauseated. My breathing is very quick. My face feels hot and flushed.” By identifying these physical experiences, you can separate them from the emotional reaction.
1-2. Breathe from your diaphragm.
When you’re stressed or anxious, your breathing becomes quick and shallow. Breathing deeply from your diaphragm helps combat this stress response by signaling your brain to release calming neurotransmitters and restoring oxygen to your body. A few deep breaths can help you feel calmer almost immediately.
Place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen, beneath your ribcage. As you inhale, you should feel the hand on your belly rise. If you don’t, you’re only breathing from your chest.
Inhale slowly through your nose. Aim to inhale for a count of 5. Focus on your lungs and abdomen expanding and filling with air.It relieves your inner self.
Hold this breath for a few seconds. Ideally, you would hold it for a count of 5, but if you can’t do that immediately, hold it for at least 1-2 seconds.
Slowly release your breath through your mouth for a count of 5. Try to release your breath in an even fashion, rather than letting it all whoosh out at once.
Take two normal breaths, then repeat the breath cycle.
1-3. Try progressive muscle relaxation.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation, or PMR, can help you consciously release the tension in your body that can build up when you’re stressed or angry. With PMR you tense and then release your muscles in groups from your head to your toes, signaling your body to relax. It takes a little practice, but once you get the hang of it, it’s a fast way to calm down.
If you can, find a quiet place free of distractions. You can even do PMR at your desk if you need to, though.
Loosen tight clothing. Take a few deep breaths.
Start with the muscles in your forehead. Raise your eyebrows as high as they’ll go and hold this position for 5 seconds. Release the tension. Then, furrow your brow as hard as you can for 5 seconds. Release the tension.
After you release the first muscle group, notice the difference in that area for 15 seconds before moving on. You want to learn how to tell what “relaxed” and “tense” feel like so that you can consciously release tension when you need to.
Move to your lips. Purse them tightly for 5 seconds, then release the tension. Then, smile as widely as you can for 5 seconds, then release the tension. Enjoy the sensation for 15 seconds.
Continue this pattern of holding tension for 5 seconds, releasing, and relaxing for 15 seconds with the remaining muscle groups: neck, shoulders, arms, chest, stomach, buttocks, thighs, lower legs, feet, and toes.
You can find free guided PMR routines online, too. MIT has a free MP3 PMR routine.
1-4. Distract yourself.
Sometimes, you need to break the cycle of focusing on whatever has upset you. Ruminating, that “broken record” loop where you think the same upset thoughts over and over again, can worsen or even cause anxiety and depression. Distraction isn’t a good long-term solution, but it’s very helpful to reduce stress in the moment and help you focus on something positive.
Chat with a friend. Studies show that socializing with people you love can help reduce your feelings of stress. Spend some time with a friend or loved one.
Check out something silly. “Silly” humor, like funny cat videos or a humorous movie, can help you calm down and get a little distance from whatever has upset you. However, you should try to avoid mean-spirited or sarcastic humor, as it could actually make you more upset, not less.
Play a game. Games are great for letting us give our brains a break.
Play with your pet. Studies show that interacting with a loved cat or dog can lower stress hormones and help you feel calm and happy.
There are plenty of other ways to distract yourself. Pick up a good book, go for a long walk, grab your camera and take some beautiful pictures.
Don’t try to distract yourself with alcohol, drugs, or even food. Trying to self-medicate by getting drunk or binge-eating will cause further problems, and it won’t help you address the root of what has you upset.
1-5. Exercise.
When you’re feeling upset, a little moderate exercise could help you feel better fast. Exercise releases endorphins in your body, which are natural mood boosters. Several studies have shown that exercise reduces feelings of anger and increases your feelings of calmness and well-being. The next time you’re upset, go for a quick run or bust into your favorite dance moves. You’ll feel better.
Aim for about 30 minutes of moderate activity every day. You don’t even have to hit the gym: walking, jogging, even gardening have excellent effects on your mood and your fitness.
Exercise also has a preventive effect. One study suggests that aerobic exercise before an upsetting experience can help you stay calmer during that experience.
Exercises such as yoga and tai chi, which incorporate meditation, deep breathing, and physical movement, can also have excellent calming effects.
1-6. Try aromatherapy solutions
Aromatherapy may help calm you down. Try adding a few drops of essential oil to a hot bath or shower bomb.
Try sandalwood, lavender, or German chamomile for stress.
Do not ingest essential oils. Many of them are toxic if you consume them.
You can have a massage or a foot rub that uses these oils.
Always use a carrier oil, such as jojoba, avocado, or sunflower oil, because essential oils are so concentrated they can irritate the skin if applied on their own.
1-7. Listen to music.
Music has a very relaxing effect on how we think. If you're having a hard time calming down, try some calming music. Avoid music with harsh sounds or fast tempos, even if it's music you really like, because this music can actually add to your stress! Just listen to calm music when you're trying to calm down.
The British Academy of Sound Therapy has put together a playlist of the world’s most relaxing music according to science. Artists include Marconi Union, Enya, and Coldplay.
1-8. Change the conversation.
Sometimes, someone wants to talk to you about a topic that you just don’t agree on. If you can have a productive discussion, that’s great! But if the conversation feels like it’s devolved into opposing monologues, change the conversation to something less upsetting.
Stay away from potentially incendiary topics such as religion and politics, particularly with people you don’t know well.
It can feel awkward to interrupt an upsetting conversation, but the relief is worth it. Try something polite, like “You know, I think we’ll just have to agree to disagree on this subject. How about we talk about last night’s episode of Game of Thrones instead?”
If the other person won’t give up, excuse yourself from the conversation. Use an “I”-statement to avoid sounding like you’re blaming the other person: “You know, I’m feeling a little overwhelmed right now. I’m going to take a little break from this conversation.”
2. Promoting Calm With Your Lifestyle
2-1. Get enough sleep.
When you don’t get enough sleep or your sleep cycle is disturbed, it can leave you prone to stress (especially if you’re already a worrier). Sleep allows your muscles and brain to relax and repair themselves so you can start the day with a lower “baseline” anxiety. Even small disturbances in your sleep can drastically affect your memory, judgment, and mood. Get the sleep you need to help you stay calm throughout the day.
The recommendation for adults is between 7-9 hours of sleep per night. This figure is higher for adolescents.
People who don’t get enough sleep report symptoms of stress, such as feeling irritable, angry, or overwhelmed, much more than people who get enough sleep.
Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time every night, including weekends. This will help your body regulate your sleep.
Avoid napping after 5 PM, heavy dinners, stimulants in the evening, and blue-light screens before bed. These can all interfere with your ability to get a good night’s sleep.
2-2. Limit caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine.
Caffeine is a stimulant that can help you feel more alert and energetic, but it also exaggerates your body’s stress responses. If you must drink caffeine, try to avoid drinking more than 200mg a day (about two cups of brewed coffee). Don’t drink caffeine after 5 PM to avoid interfering with your sleep cycle.
Stimulants also disturb your sleep cycles.
Alcohol is a depressant which means that it reduces tension or stress in the body and slows reactions. However, using alcohol as a way to rid of stress is a bad idea because your anxiety will return once the alcohol is out of your system (and alcohol won’t address your root problems). Additionally, intoxication may make stress worse for you or others. It may make it easier to fall asleep, but it also seriously disturbs your REM sleep, leaving you feeling tired, hungover, and worn-out the next day.
If you do drink alcohol, make sure you do it in moderation. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism recommends that if you are male, you should not drink more than 4 drinks in one day and no more than 14 drinks per week. If you are female, do not drink more than 3 drinks in one day and no more than 7 drinks per week.
A “standard drink” may be less than you think. The NIAAA defines one drink as 12 ounces of regular beer, 8-9 ounces of malt liquor, 5 ounces of wine, or a 1.5-ounce shot of 80-proof spirits.
Nicotine is also a powerful stimulant that exaggerates your body’s stress responses. Smoking is very bad for your health, and the longer you smoke, the worse the damage is. Be aware, though, that quitting smoking can be very stressful itself, so quitting during a period of high stress may not be the best idea.
2-3. Avoid negativity when you can.
Exposure to negativity too often can encourage your brain to make negative thinking a habit. This obviously won’t do much for the calm mindset you’re looking to cultivate!
Sometimes, people need to vent. This is perfectly healthy. However, make sure that the complaining doesn’t go on for too long. Even 30 minutes of a stressful experience like listening to someone else complain can elevate your stress hormones.
If you are in a situation where you can’t avoid the negativity, such as at work, try to make a quiet “safe place” for yourself mentally. Retreat there when the pressure gets too much.
2-4. Avoid stress where you can.
Obviously, you can’t avoid all the stress in your life. Experiencing stress and unpleasant events is just part of being human. However, you may be able to reduce those stressors with a few changes. If you can reduce the amount of stress in your life even in small ways, it can help you handle the other upsetting stuff that you can’t avoid.
Try “outsmarting” things that upset you. For example, if the long line at the grocery store after work frustrates you, try going later at night. If rush hour gets your blood boiling, try leaving a little earlier.
Look for the silver lining. When you can reframe experiences so that you can get something positive out of them, you increase your ability to handle stress. For example, if you had car trouble and had to run to catch the bus to get to school, consider: you got some exercise and a story out of it. It’s not the silver-est of linings, but it’s better than focusing on how upsetting the event was.
2-5. Spend time with loved ones.
Studies have shown that having a strong social support network of friends, family, and loved ones can promote a sense of belonging and security. It can even boost your feelings of self-confidence and self-worth.
One study showed that having a “best friend” to share your emotions with can dramatically decrease the stress hormone cortisol in your body. It also helps buffer your experience of negativity from unpleasant events.
Have fun with others. Studies show that having a good time with loved ones can help reduce your feelings of anger and increase your feelings of positivity.
If you can laugh with friends, it’s even better. Laughter releases endorphins, those mood-boosting chemicals in your brain that make you feel happy. It can even increase your body’s ability to tolerate physical pain!
Make sure you spend time with positive people. Humans can “catch” emotions from other people just like we catch colds. If you hang out with people who are focused on their stress and negativity, it’ll affect you. On the flip side, if you hang out with people who focus on supporting each other in positive, healthy ways, you’ll feel better.
2-6. Meditate.
Meditation is about stopping to be in the present moment, still and accepting. Studies have shown that practicing meditation can promote relaxation, feelings of well-being, and even boost your immune system. It can even help rewire your brain’s stress responses. There are many types of meditation, although a lot of research has been done in support of “mindfulness meditation.” Aim to practice meditation for 30 minutes each day -- you’ll see significant results in as little as two weeks.
Begin by finding a quiet place without distractions. Don’t have the TV or computer on. Try to give yourself a minimum of 15 minutes to meditate, although 30 is even better.
Close your eyes and take a few deep cleansing breaths. Continue breathing deeply and evenly as you meditate.
Imagine yourself as an outside witness to your thoughts. Watch them go by and acknowledge them without trying to judge them as “good” or “bad,” “right” or “wrong.” (This can take some practice. That’s okay.)
Ask yourself some questions to help guide your meditation. Begin by asking “What are my senses telling me?” Notice what you hear, smell, and feel. For example, is the room cold or warm? Do you hear birds, the whir of a dishwasher?
Ask yourself “What is my body doing?” Notice any tension (or relaxation) you feel in your body without judging it.
Ask yourself “What are my thoughts doing?” Notice whether they are critical, accepting, worried, etc. It can be easy to get swept up into a cycle of judging yourself for not meditating “well enough.” Allow yourself to notice your thoughts without judging yourself for them.
Ask yourself “What are my emotions doing?” How are you feeling right now? Stressed, calm, sad, content?
2-7. Practice mindfulness.
Mindfulness has received a lot of scientific attention recently. Numerous research studies show that it can help promote calmness, help you feel able to regulate your emotions, change how you respond to things, even increase your ability to handle pain. Mindfulness focuses on being aware of your thoughts and experiences in the moment, without judgement. It can take a little practice, but using mindfulness techniques can help you calm down quickly and promote a general sense of well-being.
Try the “raisin meditation.” Mindfulness focuses on awareness of your experiences in the present moment without judgment. Believe it or not, you can practice your mindfulness with a handful of raisins in 5 minutes a day.
Engage your senses. Hold the raisin. Turn it over in your fingers. Notice how it feels in your hand. Notice its texture. Take a good look at it. Examine its colors, its ridges, its variations. Smell it, noticing the aroma.
Place the raisin in your mouth. Notice how it feels in your mouth without chewing. Does your mouth water? Can you taste anything? Now begin chewing. Notice how the flavor develops. Notice the texture in your mouth as you eat it. As you swallow, notice the movement of your muscles as you do so.
Take a mindful walk. It’s easy to get so wrapped up in the stresses of daily life that we don’t notice the beauty all around us. Focusing on being aware of what you experience while you’re out on a walk can help build mindfulness skills.Take a walk on your own. As you walk, try to notice as many details as you can. Use all of your senses. Imagine that you are an explorer from another world who has never seen this place before. Notice the colors, smells, sounds, etc., around you. As you notice each detail, mindfully acknowledge it to yourself, such as “I am aware that I’m seeing a beautiful red flower.” Notice how these experiences make you feel.
3. Changing Your Outlook
3-1. Define your strengths.
It’s hard to feel calm and collected if you don’t know your own strengths. Take a little time to examine yourself and discover the unique things that make you, you. Remind yourself how capable you are. Journaling can be a great way to discover positive things about yourself. Here are some questions to get you started:
What makes you feel like a strong person?
What emotions do you feel when you’re feeling confident or strong?
What qualities define your strengths? This could be things like “compassion” or “family” or “ambition” -- whatever you think communicates you. Take a moment to review each one. Which ones do you like best?
You can also try writing positive statements to yourself each day. For example, remind yourself of things you’ve done well that day, or tell yourself something that you like or respect about yourself.
3-2. Use self-affirmations.
Once you’ve figured out some of your positive attributes, remind yourself of them! It may feel awkward to say these things to yourself at first, but consider: you probably tell your loved ones how awesome they are all the time, right? Why not do the same for yourself? Try the following to help boost your self-confidence and increase your calm:
Say affirmations out loud to yourself in the mirror. Look yourself in the eyes and repeat something positive to yourself, such as “I am a great friend and loving person” or “I love how my smile lights up my face when I’m happy.”
If you encounter unkind thoughts to yourself, change these into self-affirmations by reframing them. For example, imagine you find yourself thinking, “I’m so stressed, I will never be able to figure this out!”
Reframe this into a positive statement: “I am stressed right now, and I am learning new things every day to make myself stronger.”
3-3. Be kind to yourself
Being calm begins with being self-loving (which is completely different from being self-absorbed). It's all too commonplace for us to take a negative tone with ourselves and to be our own unkindest critic. This can happen because we hold ourselves to unrealistic expectations, or because we forget to show ourselves the same compassion we show others. Calm cannot settle when you feel nothing but self-criticism, self-loathing and a lack of self-trust. Take time to quiet your inner critic and remind yourself that you are worthy of love, dignity, and compassion -- from yourself as well as others.
Talk gently to yourself. When negative self-talk wells up, practice challenging it with positive counter-thoughts or mantras.
For example, if you catch yourself worrying and telling yourself that you can’t handle a situation, ask yourself these things:
Is this thought kind to myself? If not, change the thought to a kinder one: “I am worried right now, but I can handle this.”
Does this thought make me feel capable and self-assured? If not, focus on your strengths and capabilities: “I’m worried that I don’t know enough to do this, but I am smart and can learn fast.”
Would I say this thought to a friend who was worried? If not, why would you say it to yourself?
Remember that everyone makes mistakes. It can be easy to hold yourself to a standard of perfection that you would never expect from your loved ones. Remind yourself of your common humanity. Acknowledge your mistake, then focus on how to correct it and do things differently in the future. This keeps you focused on positive growth, rather than beating yourself up for the past.
Know how valuable you are. Remind yourself daily of the virtues, strengths, and beauty that you bring into the world. If you’re having trouble thinking of positive things, ask friends for help.
3-4. Practice forgiveness with yourself and with others.
Being unable to forgive compels you to discontent and internal war. Holding old grudges, being bitter and fueling constant anger create an inner turmoil that chains you to reliving past hurts. Do you really enjoy lugging that ball and chain around? Worse still, your health is impacted by long-lived grievances and your blood pressure, heart rate, physical and spiritual health will be suffering.
Remind yourself that when you forgive, you remove the toxic feelings from your life; it is not about condoning what another person did but it is about no longer letting that person's actions ruin your outlook on life.
When you feel yourself getting angry at someone that hurt you, try to stop and think. Breathe slowly for a second. Does being angry make your life better? Does the hate you feel make you happy? Would the people that really love you want you to keep suffering like this? The answer to all of these questions is "no"...so release those negative feelings and seek out positive ones instead.
3-5. Be patient
Patience is the begetter of calm. Impatience is the source of agitation and turbulence. Impatience says "I want it NOW" and when "it" doesn't appear now, you're liable to lose your temper and let the blood pressure rise. Impatience is often linked to unreasonable expectations about the world and other people (you expect too much of both yourself and of other people) and is often linked to perfectionism, which allows of no space to make errors or slow down. A calm person, on the other hand, is fully aware that errors occur sometimes and that speeding things up is liable to bring on errors, not alleviate them.
If you catch yourself wanting to rush to do something, stop and evaluate the situation. Will someone die if you don't get what you need right now? If not, consider that stressing about this situation will only make your life worse and might even impair your judgement.
If you're still having trouble being patient, you might just need to practice more. Start by trying to be patient with small things, like waiting in line at the grocery store. Distract yourself by reading all of the headlines on the magazines in the checkout line. Work your way up to more challenging areas in your life, like road rage or dealing with your kids.
3-6. Think about things before you start worrying.
Most of the time, it is okay to not worry. Most of the time the news, the rumors, the negativity, the volatility, the insane highs and lows of human systems are just noise. Listen to too much of it and you sink into the mire of the rat race, ever running somewhere without a clear map forward. That will create intense disquiet and unease in your life. The wise person knows what to read, who to listen to and when to ignore the rumors (most of the time). The wise person is calm because the wise person accesses knowledge and knows how to use it for betterment of life.
3-7. Slow down your life.
Many people try to push, push and make for the exit even before the door is open (both in the metaphorical sense, and not). Consider all the times when a plane lands and everyone rushes to get off but all they do is end up standing in a queue. Know when it's really important to hurry and when it's okay to slow down. You'll find that for most situations, it's okay to slow down.
Slowing down will also let you doing things more thoroughly so that you can get them right and do them well the first time around. This will save you even more stress later on.
3-8. Stop procrastinating.
Procrastination is one of the biggest sources of stress in our lives. If you can learn to just get things done early or at least on time, you'll find yourself a lot more calm. This, of course, means focusing when things are supposed to be getting done and save distractions for later!
One way a lot of people lose a lot of time during the day is to checking their email. Have specific email times, just two or three times a day, and do not check your email in between.
Tips
Keep an open mind. Closed, calculating minds are the root of ignorance. Nothing changes if all minds are certain – remember that people once believed the world to be flat.
If you're feeling angry or upset, just count to ten and take deep breaths. Then make yourself some cooling herbal tea or chilled water and take yourself to another place to sit still and allow your imagination take over.
Do things you love.
Warnings
If you feel so stressed that it’s affecting your health or your personal or work life, consider seeking professional help from a mental health provider. A counselor or therapist can help you identify unhelpful ways of thinking and learn coping skills. Family can also help in times of stress.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:25",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Calming Down In the Moment\\n1-1. Stop and re-focus your senses.\\nWhen you encounter stress, anger, or anxiety, it can trigger your body’s “fight or flight” mode. Your sympathetic nervous system perceives that you’re under attack and kicks your body into high gear, boosting your heart rate, constricting blood vessels, restricting your breathing, and tensing your muscles.Try to get a hold of your emotions because the person who would be hurt will be you. When you feel these symptoms, stop what you’re doing (if you can safely) and re-focus your senses on what your body is experiencing. This can help reduce what scientists call “automatic reactivity.”\\nYour brain develops “automatic reactivity” patterns to stimuli such as stressors. These are basically habits that your brain triggers. Whenever it encounters a particular stimulus, such as a fight with a person, it activates a particular set of pathways.\\nStudies show that breaking this “habit” of reaction by re-focusing your senses on what’s actually going on can help your brain develop new, healthier habitual reactions.\\nDo a quick body scan, but don’t judge anything you’re feeling as “good” or “bad.” Try to stick to the facts. For example, if you’re angry, your heartbeat is probably pumping and you may even feel queasy. Simply acknowledge these sensory experiences. For example: “Right now I feel nauseated. My breathing is very quick. My face feels hot and flushed.” By identifying these physical experiences, you can separate them from the emotional reaction.\\n1-2. Breathe from your diaphragm.\\nWhen you’re stressed or anxious, your breathing becomes quick and shallow. Breathing deeply from your diaphragm helps combat this stress response by signaling your brain to release calming neurotransmitters and restoring oxygen to your body. A few deep breaths can help you feel calmer almost immediately.\\nPlace one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen, beneath your ribcage. As you inhale, you should feel the hand on your belly rise. If you don’t, you’re only breathing from your chest.\\nInhale slowly through your nose. Aim to inhale for a count of 5. Focus on your lungs and abdomen expanding and filling with air.It relieves your inner self.\\nHold this breath for a few seconds. Ideally, you would hold it for a count of 5, but if you can’t do that immediately, hold it for at least 1-2 seconds.\\nSlowly release your breath through your mouth for a count of 5. Try to release your breath in an even fashion, rather than letting it all whoosh out at once.\\nTake two normal breaths, then repeat the breath cycle.\\n1-3. Try progressive muscle relaxation.\\nProgressive Muscle Relaxation, or PMR, can help you consciously release the tension in your body that can build up when you’re stressed or angry. With PMR you tense and then release your muscles in groups from your head to your toes, signaling your body to relax. It takes a little practice, but once you get the hang of it, it’s a fast way to calm down.\\nIf you can, find a quiet place free of distractions. You can even do PMR at your desk if you need to, though.\\nLoosen tight clothing. Take a few deep breaths.\\nStart with the muscles in your forehead. Raise your eyebrows as high as they’ll go and hold this position for 5 seconds. Release the tension. Then, furrow your brow as hard as you can for 5 seconds. Release the tension.\\nAfter you release the first muscle group, notice the difference in that area for 15 seconds before moving on. You want to learn how to tell what “relaxed” and “tense” feel like so that you can consciously release tension when you need to.\\nMove to your lips. Purse them tightly for 5 seconds, then release the tension. Then, smile as widely as you can for 5 seconds, then release the tension. Enjoy the sensation for 15 seconds.\\nContinue this pattern of holding tension for 5 seconds, releasing, and relaxing for 15 seconds with the remaining muscle groups: neck, shoulders, arms, chest, stomach, buttocks, thighs, lower legs, feet, and toes.\\nYou can find free guided PMR routines online, too. MIT has a free MP3 PMR routine.\\n1-4. Distract yourself.\\nSometimes, you need to break the cycle of focusing on whatever has upset you. Ruminating, that “broken record” loop where you think the same upset thoughts over and over again, can worsen or even cause anxiety and depression. Distraction isn’t a good long-term solution, but it’s very helpful to reduce stress in the moment and help you focus on something positive.\\nChat with a friend. Studies show that socializing with people you love can help reduce your feelings of stress. Spend some time with a friend or loved one.\\nCheck out something silly. “Silly” humor, like funny cat videos or a humorous movie, can help you calm down and get a little distance from whatever has upset you. However, you should try to avoid mean-spirited or sarcastic humor, as it could actually make you more upset, not less.\\nPlay a game. Games are great for letting us give our brains a break.\\nPlay with your pet. Studies show that interacting with a loved cat or dog can lower stress hormones and help you feel calm and happy.\\nThere are plenty of other ways to distract yourself. Pick up a good book, go for a long walk, grab your camera and take some beautiful pictures.\\nDon’t try to distract yourself with alcohol, drugs, or even food. Trying to self-medicate by getting drunk or binge-eating will cause further problems, and it won’t help you address the root of what has you upset.\\n1-5. Exercise.\\nWhen you’re feeling upset, a little moderate exercise could help you feel better fast. Exercise releases endorphins in your body, which are natural mood boosters. Several studies have shown that exercise reduces feelings of anger and increases your feelings of calmness and well-being. The next time you’re upset, go for a quick run or bust into your favorite dance moves. You’ll feel better.\\nAim for about 30 minutes of moderate activity every day. You don’t even have to hit the gym: walking, jogging, even gardening have excellent effects on your mood and your fitness.\\nExercise also has a preventive effect. One study suggests that aerobic exercise before an upsetting experience can help you stay calmer during that experience.\\nExercises such as yoga and tai chi, which incorporate meditation, deep breathing, and physical movement, can also have excellent calming effects.\\n1-6. Try aromatherapy solutions\\nAromatherapy may help calm you down. Try adding a few drops of essential oil to a hot bath or shower bomb.\\nTry sandalwood, lavender, or German chamomile for stress.\\nDo not ingest essential oils. Many of them are toxic if you consume them.\\nYou can have a massage or a foot rub that uses these oils.\\nAlways use a carrier oil, such as jojoba, avocado, or sunflower oil, because essential oils are so concentrated they can irritate the skin if applied on their own.\\n1-7. Listen to music.\\nMusic has a very relaxing effect on how we think. If you're having a hard time calming down, try some calming music. Avoid music with harsh sounds or fast tempos, even if it's music you really like, because this music can actually add to your stress! Just listen to calm music when you're trying to calm down.\\nThe British Academy of Sound Therapy has put together a playlist of the world’s most relaxing music according to science. Artists include Marconi Union, Enya, and Coldplay.\\n1-8. Change the conversation.\\nSometimes, someone wants to talk to you about a topic that you just don’t agree on. If you can have a productive discussion, that’s great! But if the conversation feels like it’s devolved into opposing monologues, change the conversation to something less upsetting.\\nStay away from potentially incendiary topics such as religion and politics, particularly with people you don’t know well.\\nIt can feel awkward to interrupt an upsetting conversation, but the relief is worth it. Try something polite, like “You know, I think we’ll just have to agree to disagree on this subject. How about we talk about last night’s episode of Game of Thrones instead?”\\nIf the other person won’t give up, excuse yourself from the conversation. Use an “I”-statement to avoid sounding like you’re blaming the other person: “You know, I’m feeling a little overwhelmed right now. I’m going to take a little break from this conversation.”\\n2. Promoting Calm With Your Lifestyle\\n2-1. Get enough sleep.\\nWhen you don’t get enough sleep or your sleep cycle is disturbed, it can leave you prone to stress (especially if you’re already a worrier). Sleep allows your muscles and brain to relax and repair themselves so you can start the day with a lower “baseline” anxiety. Even small disturbances in your sleep can drastically affect your memory, judgment, and mood. Get the sleep you need to help you stay calm throughout the day.\\nThe recommendation for adults is between 7-9 hours of sleep per night. This figure is higher for adolescents.\\nPeople who don’t get enough sleep report symptoms of stress, such as feeling irritable, angry, or overwhelmed, much more than people who get enough sleep.\\nTry to go to bed and wake up at the same time every night, including weekends. This will help your body regulate your sleep.\\nAvoid napping after 5 PM, heavy dinners, stimulants in the evening, and blue-light screens before bed. These can all interfere with your ability to get a good night’s sleep.\\n2-2. Limit caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine.\\nCaffeine is a stimulant that can help you feel more alert and energetic, but it also exaggerates your body’s stress responses. If you must drink caffeine, try to avoid drinking more than 200mg a day (about two cups of brewed coffee). Don’t drink caffeine after 5 PM to avoid interfering with your sleep cycle.\\nStimulants also disturb your sleep cycles.\\nAlcohol is a depressant which means that it reduces tension or stress in the body and slows reactions. However, using alcohol as a way to rid of stress is a bad idea because your anxiety will return once the alcohol is out of your system (and alcohol won’t address your root problems). Additionally, intoxication may make stress worse for you or others. It may make it easier to fall asleep, but it also seriously disturbs your REM sleep, leaving you feeling tired, hungover, and worn-out the next day.\\nIf you do drink alcohol, make sure you do it in moderation. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism recommends that if you are male, you should not drink more than 4 drinks in one day and no more than 14 drinks per week. If you are female, do not drink more than 3 drinks in one day and no more than 7 drinks per week.\\nA “standard drink” may be less than you think. The NIAAA defines one drink as 12 ounces of regular beer, 8-9 ounces of malt liquor, 5 ounces of wine, or a 1.5-ounce shot of 80-proof spirits.\\nNicotine is also a powerful stimulant that exaggerates your body’s stress responses. Smoking is very bad for your health, and the longer you smoke, the worse the damage is. Be aware, though, that quitting smoking can be very stressful itself, so quitting during a period of high stress may not be the best idea.\\n2-3. Avoid negativity when you can.\\nExposure to negativity too often can encourage your brain to make negative thinking a habit. This obviously won’t do much for the calm mindset you’re looking to cultivate!\\nSometimes, people need to vent. This is perfectly healthy. However, make sure that the complaining doesn’t go on for too long. Even 30 minutes of a stressful experience like listening to someone else complain can elevate your stress hormones.\\nIf you are in a situation where you can’t avoid the negativity, such as at work, try to make a quiet “safe place” for yourself mentally. Retreat there when the pressure gets too much.\\n2-4. Avoid stress where you can.\\nObviously, you can’t avoid all the stress in your life. Experiencing stress and unpleasant events is just part of being human. However, you may be able to reduce those stressors with a few changes. If you can reduce the amount of stress in your life even in small ways, it can help you handle the other upsetting stuff that you can’t avoid.\\nTry “outsmarting” things that upset you. For example, if the long line at the grocery store after work frustrates you, try going later at night. If rush hour gets your blood boiling, try leaving a little earlier.\\nLook for the silver lining. When you can reframe experiences so that you can get something positive out of them, you increase your ability to handle stress. For example, if you had car trouble and had to run to catch the bus to get to school, consider: you got some exercise and a story out of it. It’s not the silver-est of linings, but it’s better than focusing on how upsetting the event was.\\n2-5. Spend time with loved ones.\\nStudies have shown that having a strong social support network of friends, family, and loved ones can promote a sense of belonging and security. It can even boost your feelings of self-confidence and self-worth.\\nOne study showed that having a “best friend” to share your emotions with can dramatically decrease the stress hormone cortisol in your body. It also helps buffer your experience of negativity from unpleasant events.\\nHave fun with others. Studies show that having a good time with loved ones can help reduce your feelings of anger and increase your feelings of positivity.\\nIf you can laugh with friends, it’s even better. Laughter releases endorphins, those mood-boosting chemicals in your brain that make you feel happy. It can even increase your body’s ability to tolerate physical pain!\\nMake sure you spend time with positive people. Humans can “catch” emotions from other people just like we catch colds. If you hang out with people who are focused on their stress and negativity, it’ll affect you. On the flip side, if you hang out with people who focus on supporting each other in positive, healthy ways, you’ll feel better.\\n2-6. Meditate.\\nMeditation is about stopping to be in the present moment, still and accepting. Studies have shown that practicing meditation can promote relaxation, feelings of well-being, and even boost your immune system. It can even help rewire your brain’s stress responses. There are many types of meditation, although a lot of research has been done in support of “mindfulness meditation.” Aim to practice meditation for 30 minutes each day -- you’ll see significant results in as little as two weeks.\\nBegin by finding a quiet place without distractions. Don’t have the TV or computer on. Try to give yourself a minimum of 15 minutes to meditate, although 30 is even better.\\nClose your eyes and take a few deep cleansing breaths. Continue breathing deeply and evenly as you meditate.\\nImagine yourself as an outside witness to your thoughts. Watch them go by and acknowledge them without trying to judge them as “good” or “bad,” “right” or “wrong.” (This can take some practice. That’s okay.)\\nAsk yourself some questions to help guide your meditation. Begin by asking “What are my senses telling me?” Notice what you hear, smell, and feel. For example, is the room cold or warm? Do you hear birds, the whir of a dishwasher?\\nAsk yourself “What is my body doing?” Notice any tension (or relaxation) you feel in your body without judging it.\\nAsk yourself “What are my thoughts doing?” Notice whether they are critical, accepting, worried, etc. It can be easy to get swept up into a cycle of judging yourself for not meditating “well enough.” Allow yourself to notice your thoughts without judging yourself for them.\\nAsk yourself “What are my emotions doing?” How are you feeling right now? Stressed, calm, sad, content?\\n2-7. Practice mindfulness.\\nMindfulness has received a lot of scientific attention recently. Numerous research studies show that it can help promote calmness, help you feel able to regulate your emotions, change how you respond to things, even increase your ability to handle pain. Mindfulness focuses on being aware of your thoughts and experiences in the moment, without judgement. It can take a little practice, but using mindfulness techniques can help you calm down quickly and promote a general sense of well-being.\\nTry the “raisin meditation.” Mindfulness focuses on awareness of your experiences in the present moment without judgment. Believe it or not, you can practice your mindfulness with a handful of raisins in 5 minutes a day.\\nEngage your senses. Hold the raisin. Turn it over in your fingers. Notice how it feels in your hand. Notice its texture. Take a good look at it. Examine its colors, its ridges, its variations. Smell it, noticing the aroma.\\nPlace the raisin in your mouth. Notice how it feels in your mouth without chewing. Does your mouth water? Can you taste anything? Now begin chewing. Notice how the flavor develops. Notice the texture in your mouth as you eat it. As you swallow, notice the movement of your muscles as you do so.\\n\\nTake a mindful walk. It’s easy to get so wrapped up in the stresses of daily life that we don’t notice the beauty all around us. Focusing on being aware of what you experience while you’re out on a walk can help build mindfulness skills.Take a walk on your own. As you walk, try to notice as many details as you can. Use all of your senses. Imagine that you are an explorer from another world who has never seen this place before. Notice the colors, smells, sounds, etc., around you. As you notice each detail, mindfully acknowledge it to yourself, such as “I am aware that I’m seeing a beautiful red flower.” Notice how these experiences make you feel.\\n3. Changing Your Outlook\\n3-1. Define your strengths.\\nIt’s hard to feel calm and collected if you don’t know your own strengths. Take a little time to examine yourself and discover the unique things that make you, you. Remind yourself how capable you are. Journaling can be a great way to discover positive things about yourself. Here are some questions to get you started:\\nWhat makes you feel like a strong person?\\nWhat emotions do you feel when you’re feeling confident or strong?\\nWhat qualities define your strengths? This could be things like “compassion” or “family” or “ambition” -- whatever you think communicates you. Take a moment to review each one. Which ones do you like best?\\nYou can also try writing positive statements to yourself each day. For example, remind yourself of things you’ve done well that day, or tell yourself something that you like or respect about yourself.\\n3-2. Use self-affirmations.\\nOnce you’ve figured out some of your positive attributes, remind yourself of them! It may feel awkward to say these things to yourself at first, but consider: you probably tell your loved ones how awesome they are all the time, right? Why not do the same for yourself? Try the following to help boost your self-confidence and increase your calm:\\nSay affirmations out loud to yourself in the mirror. Look yourself in the eyes and repeat something positive to yourself, such as “I am a great friend and loving person” or “I love how my smile lights up my face when I’m happy.”\\nIf you encounter unkind thoughts to yourself, change these into self-affirmations by reframing them. For example, imagine you find yourself thinking, “I’m so stressed, I will never be able to figure this out!”\\nReframe this into a positive statement: “I am stressed right now, and I am learning new things every day to make myself stronger.”\\n3-3. Be kind to yourself\\nBeing calm begins with being self-loving (which is completely different from being self-absorbed). It's all too commonplace for us to take a negative tone with ourselves and to be our own unkindest critic. This can happen because we hold ourselves to unrealistic expectations, or because we forget to show ourselves the same compassion we show others. Calm cannot settle when you feel nothing but self-criticism, self-loathing and a lack of self-trust. Take time to quiet your inner critic and remind yourself that you are worthy of love, dignity, and compassion -- from yourself as well as others.\\nTalk gently to yourself. When negative self-talk wells up, practice challenging it with positive counter-thoughts or mantras.\\nFor example, if you catch yourself worrying and telling yourself that you can’t handle a situation, ask yourself these things:\\nIs this thought kind to myself? If not, change the thought to a kinder one: “I am worried right now, but I can handle this.”\\nDoes this thought make me feel capable and self-assured? If not, focus on your strengths and capabilities: “I’m worried that I don’t know enough to do this, but I am smart and can learn fast.”\\nWould I say this thought to a friend who was worried? If not, why would you say it to yourself?\\n\\nRemember that everyone makes mistakes. It can be easy to hold yourself to a standard of perfection that you would never expect from your loved ones. Remind yourself of your common humanity. Acknowledge your mistake, then focus on how to correct it and do things differently in the future. This keeps you focused on positive growth, rather than beating yourself up for the past.\\nKnow how valuable you are. Remind yourself daily of the virtues, strengths, and beauty that you bring into the world. If you’re having trouble thinking of positive things, ask friends for help.\\n3-4. Practice forgiveness with yourself and with others.\\nBeing unable to forgive compels you to discontent and internal war. Holding old grudges, being bitter and fueling constant anger create an inner turmoil that chains you to reliving past hurts. Do you really enjoy lugging that ball and chain around? Worse still, your health is impacted by long-lived grievances and your blood pressure, heart rate, physical and spiritual health will be suffering.\\nRemind yourself that when you forgive, you remove the toxic feelings from your life; it is not about condoning what another person did but it is about no longer letting that person's actions ruin your outlook on life.\\nWhen you feel yourself getting angry at someone that hurt you, try to stop and think. Breathe slowly for a second. Does being angry make your life better? Does the hate you feel make you happy? Would the people that really love you want you to keep suffering like this? The answer to all of these questions is \\\"no\\\"...so release those negative feelings and seek out positive ones instead.\\n3-5. Be patient\\nPatience is the begetter of calm. Impatience is the source of agitation and turbulence. Impatience says \\\"I want it NOW\\\" and when \\\"it\\\" doesn't appear now, you're liable to lose your temper and let the blood pressure rise. Impatience is often linked to unreasonable expectations about the world and other people (you expect too much of both yourself and of other people) and is often linked to perfectionism, which allows of no space to make errors or slow down. A calm person, on the other hand, is fully aware that errors occur sometimes and that speeding things up is liable to bring on errors, not alleviate them.\\nIf you catch yourself wanting to rush to do something, stop and evaluate the situation. Will someone die if you don't get what you need right now? If not, consider that stressing about this situation will only make your life worse and might even impair your judgement.\\nIf you're still having trouble being patient, you might just need to practice more. Start by trying to be patient with small things, like waiting in line at the grocery store. Distract yourself by reading all of the headlines on the magazines in the checkout line. Work your way up to more challenging areas in your life, like road rage or dealing with your kids.\\n3-6. Think about things before you start worrying.\\nMost of the time, it is okay to not worry. Most of the time the news, the rumors, the negativity, the volatility, the insane highs and lows of human systems are just noise. Listen to too much of it and you sink into the mire of the rat race, ever running somewhere without a clear map forward. That will create intense disquiet and unease in your life. The wise person knows what to read, who to listen to and when to ignore the rumors (most of the time). The wise person is calm because the wise person accesses knowledge and knows how to use it for betterment of life.\\n3-7. Slow down your life.\\nMany people try to push, push and make for the exit even before the door is open (both in the metaphorical sense, and not). Consider all the times when a plane lands and everyone rushes to get off but all they do is end up standing in a queue. Know when it's really important to hurry and when it's okay to slow down. You'll find that for most situations, it's okay to slow down.\\nSlowing down will also let you doing things more thoroughly so that you can get them right and do them well the first time around. This will save you even more stress later on.\\n3-8. Stop procrastinating.\\nProcrastination is one of the biggest sources of stress in our lives. If you can learn to just get things done early or at least on time, you'll find yourself a lot more calm. This, of course, means focusing when things are supposed to be getting done and save distractions for later!\\nOne way a lot of people lose a lot of time during the day is to checking their email. Have specific email times, just two or three times a day, and do not check your email in between.\\nTips\\nKeep an open mind. Closed, calculating minds are the root of ignorance. Nothing changes if all minds are certain – remember that people once believed the world to be flat.\\nIf you're feeling angry or upset, just count to ten and take deep breaths. Then make yourself some cooling herbal tea or chilled water and take yourself to another place to sit still and allow your imagination take over.\\nDo things you love.\\nWarnings\\nIf you feel so stressed that it’s affecting your health or your personal or work life, consider seeking professional help from a mental health provider. A counselor or therapist can help you identify unhelpful ways of thinking and learn coping skills. Family can also help in times of stress.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Most of us can become calmer than we are today. Calm people are happier and help others to be calmer. You probably have been grateful to someone else who was calm when you were in a crisis. There's a variety of techniques you can try to become a calmer person, from meditation to getting more sleep. Give a few of these a whirl!\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Calming Down In the Moment\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Stop and re-focus your senses.\", \"描述\": \"When you encounter stress, anger, or anxiety, it can trigger your body’s “fight or flight” mode. Your sympathetic nervous system perceives that you’re under attack and kicks your body into high gear, boosting your heart rate, constricting blood vessels, restricting your breathing, and tensing your muscles.Try to get a hold of your emotions because the person who would be hurt will be you. When you feel these symptoms, stop what you’re doing (if you can safely) and re-focus your senses on what your body is experiencing. This can help reduce what scientists call “automatic reactivity.”\\nYour brain develops “automatic reactivity” patterns to stimuli such as stressors. These are basically habits that your brain triggers. Whenever it encounters a particular stimulus, such as a fight with a person, it activates a particular set of pathways.\\nStudies show that breaking this “habit” of reaction by re-focusing your senses on what’s actually going on can help your brain develop new, healthier habitual reactions.\\nDo a quick body scan, but don’t judge anything you’re feeling as “good” or “bad.” Try to stick to the facts. For example, if you’re angry, your heartbeat is probably pumping and you may even feel queasy. Simply acknowledge these sensory experiences. For example: “Right now I feel nauseated. My breathing is very quick. My face feels hot and flushed.” By identifying these physical experiences, you can separate them from the emotional reaction.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Breathe from your diaphragm.\", \"描述\": \"When you’re stressed or anxious, your breathing becomes quick and shallow. Breathing deeply from your diaphragm helps combat this stress response by signaling your brain to release calming neurotransmitters and restoring oxygen to your body. A few deep breaths can help you feel calmer almost immediately.\\nPlace one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen, beneath your ribcage. As you inhale, you should feel the hand on your belly rise. If you don’t, you’re only breathing from your chest.\\nInhale slowly through your nose. Aim to inhale for a count of 5. Focus on your lungs and abdomen expanding and filling with air.It relieves your inner self.\\nHold this breath for a few seconds. Ideally, you would hold it for a count of 5, but if you can’t do that immediately, hold it for at least 1-2 seconds.\\nSlowly release your breath through your mouth for a count of 5. Try to release your breath in an even fashion, rather than letting it all whoosh out at once.\\nTake two normal breaths, then repeat the breath cycle.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Try progressive muscle relaxation.\", \"描述\": \"Progressive Muscle Relaxation, or PMR, can help you consciously release the tension in your body that can build up when you’re stressed or angry. With PMR you tense and then release your muscles in groups from your head to your toes, signaling your body to relax. It takes a little practice, but once you get the hang of it, it’s a fast way to calm down.\\nIf you can, find a quiet place free of distractions. You can even do PMR at your desk if you need to, though.\\nLoosen tight clothing. Take a few deep breaths.\\nStart with the muscles in your forehead. Raise your eyebrows as high as they’ll go and hold this position for 5 seconds. Release the tension. Then, furrow your brow as hard as you can for 5 seconds. Release the tension.\\nAfter you release the first muscle group, notice the difference in that area for 15 seconds before moving on. You want to learn how to tell what “relaxed” and “tense” feel like so that you can consciously release tension when you need to.\\nMove to your lips. Purse them tightly for 5 seconds, then release the tension. Then, smile as widely as you can for 5 seconds, then release the tension. Enjoy the sensation for 15 seconds.\\nContinue this pattern of holding tension for 5 seconds, releasing, and relaxing for 15 seconds with the remaining muscle groups: neck, shoulders, arms, chest, stomach, buttocks, thighs, lower legs, feet, and toes.\\nYou can find free guided PMR routines online, too. MIT has a free MP3 PMR routine.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Distract yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes, you need to break the cycle of focusing on whatever has upset you. Ruminating, that “broken record” loop where you think the same upset thoughts over and over again, can worsen or even cause anxiety and depression. Distraction isn’t a good long-term solution, but it’s very helpful to reduce stress in the moment and help you focus on something positive.\\nChat with a friend. Studies show that socializing with people you love can help reduce your feelings of stress. Spend some time with a friend or loved one.\\nCheck out something silly. “Silly” humor, like funny cat videos or a humorous movie, can help you calm down and get a little distance from whatever has upset you. However, you should try to avoid mean-spirited or sarcastic humor, as it could actually make you more upset, not less.\\nPlay a game. Games are great for letting us give our brains a break.\\nPlay with your pet. Studies show that interacting with a loved cat or dog can lower stress hormones and help you feel calm and happy.\\nThere are plenty of other ways to distract yourself. Pick up a good book, go for a long walk, grab your camera and take some beautiful pictures.\\nDon’t try to distract yourself with alcohol, drugs, or even food. Trying to self-medicate by getting drunk or binge-eating will cause further problems, and it won’t help you address the root of what has you upset.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Exercise.\", \"描述\": \"When you’re feeling upset, a little moderate exercise could help you feel better fast. Exercise releases endorphins in your body, which are natural mood boosters. Several studies have shown that exercise reduces feelings of anger and increases your feelings of calmness and well-being. The next time you’re upset, go for a quick run or bust into your favorite dance moves. You’ll feel better.\\nAim for about 30 minutes of moderate activity every day. You don’t even have to hit the gym: walking, jogging, even gardening have excellent effects on your mood and your fitness.\\nExercise also has a preventive effect. One study suggests that aerobic exercise before an upsetting experience can help you stay calmer during that experience.\\nExercises such as yoga and tai chi, which incorporate meditation, deep breathing, and physical movement, can also have excellent calming effects.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Try aromatherapy solutions\", \"描述\": \"Aromatherapy may help calm you down. Try adding a few drops of essential oil to a hot bath or shower bomb.\\nTry sandalwood, lavender, or German chamomile for stress.\\nDo not ingest essential oils. Many of them are toxic if you consume them.\\nYou can have a massage or a foot rub that uses these oils.\\nAlways use a carrier oil, such as jojoba, avocado, or sunflower oil, because essential oils are so concentrated they can irritate the skin if applied on their own.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Listen to music.\", \"描述\": \"Music has a very relaxing effect on how we think. If you're having a hard time calming down, try some calming music. Avoid music with harsh sounds or fast tempos, even if it's music you really like, because this music can actually add to your stress! Just listen to calm music when you're trying to calm down.\\nThe British Academy of Sound Therapy has put together a playlist of the world’s most relaxing music according to science. Artists include Marconi Union, Enya, and Coldplay.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Change the conversation.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes, someone wants to talk to you about a topic that you just don’t agree on. If you can have a productive discussion, that’s great! But if the conversation feels like it’s devolved into opposing monologues, change the conversation to something less upsetting.\\nStay away from potentially incendiary topics such as religion and politics, particularly with people you don’t know well.\\nIt can feel awkward to interrupt an upsetting conversation, but the relief is worth it. Try something polite, like “You know, I think we’ll just have to agree to disagree on this subject. How about we talk about last night’s episode of Game of Thrones instead?”\\nIf the other person won’t give up, excuse yourself from the conversation. Use an “I”-statement to avoid sounding like you’re blaming the other person: “You know, I’m feeling a little overwhelmed right now. I’m going to take a little break from this conversation.”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Promoting Calm With Your Lifestyle\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Get enough sleep.\", \"描述\": \"When you don’t get enough sleep or your sleep cycle is disturbed, it can leave you prone to stress (especially if you’re already a worrier). Sleep allows your muscles and brain to relax and repair themselves so you can start the day with a lower “baseline” anxiety. Even small disturbances in your sleep can drastically affect your memory, judgment, and mood. Get the sleep you need to help you stay calm throughout the day.\\nThe recommendation for adults is between 7-9 hours of sleep per night. This figure is higher for adolescents.\\nPeople who don’t get enough sleep report symptoms of stress, such as feeling irritable, angry, or overwhelmed, much more than people who get enough sleep.\\nTry to go to bed and wake up at the same time every night, including weekends. This will help your body regulate your sleep.\\nAvoid napping after 5 PM, heavy dinners, stimulants in the evening, and blue-light screens before bed. These can all interfere with your ability to get a good night’s sleep.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Limit caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine.\", \"描述\": \"Caffeine is a stimulant that can help you feel more alert and energetic, but it also exaggerates your body’s stress responses. If you must drink caffeine, try to avoid drinking more than 200mg a day (about two cups of brewed coffee). Don’t drink caffeine after 5 PM to avoid interfering with your sleep cycle.\\nStimulants also disturb your sleep cycles.\\nAlcohol is a depressant which means that it reduces tension or stress in the body and slows reactions. However, using alcohol as a way to rid of stress is a bad idea because your anxiety will return once the alcohol is out of your system (and alcohol won’t address your root problems). Additionally, intoxication may make stress worse for you or others. It may make it easier to fall asleep, but it also seriously disturbs your REM sleep, leaving you feeling tired, hungover, and worn-out the next day.\\nIf you do drink alcohol, make sure you do it in moderation. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism recommends that if you are male, you should not drink more than 4 drinks in one day and no more than 14 drinks per week. If you are female, do not drink more than 3 drinks in one day and no more than 7 drinks per week.\\nA “standard drink” may be less than you think. The NIAAA defines one drink as 12 ounces of regular beer, 8-9 ounces of malt liquor, 5 ounces of wine, or a 1.5-ounce shot of 80-proof spirits.\\nNicotine is also a powerful stimulant that exaggerates your body’s stress responses. Smoking is very bad for your health, and the longer you smoke, the worse the damage is. Be aware, though, that quitting smoking can be very stressful itself, so quitting during a period of high stress may not be the best idea.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Avoid negativity when you can.\", \"描述\": \"Exposure to negativity too often can encourage your brain to make negative thinking a habit. This obviously won’t do much for the calm mindset you’re looking to cultivate!\\nSometimes, people need to vent. This is perfectly healthy. However, make sure that the complaining doesn’t go on for too long. Even 30 minutes of a stressful experience like listening to someone else complain can elevate your stress hormones.\\nIf you are in a situation where you can’t avoid the negativity, such as at work, try to make a quiet “safe place” for yourself mentally. Retreat there when the pressure gets too much.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Avoid stress where you can.\", \"描述\": \"Obviously, you can’t avoid all the stress in your life. Experiencing stress and unpleasant events is just part of being human. However, you may be able to reduce those stressors with a few changes. If you can reduce the amount of stress in your life even in small ways, it can help you handle the other upsetting stuff that you can’t avoid.\\nTry “outsmarting” things that upset you. For example, if the long line at the grocery store after work frustrates you, try going later at night. If rush hour gets your blood boiling, try leaving a little earlier.\\nLook for the silver lining. When you can reframe experiences so that you can get something positive out of them, you increase your ability to handle stress. For example, if you had car trouble and had to run to catch the bus to get to school, consider: you got some exercise and a story out of it. It’s not the silver-est of linings, but it’s better than focusing on how upsetting the event was.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Spend time with loved ones.\", \"描述\": \"Studies have shown that having a strong social support network of friends, family, and loved ones can promote a sense of belonging and security. It can even boost your feelings of self-confidence and self-worth.\\nOne study showed that having a “best friend” to share your emotions with can dramatically decrease the stress hormone cortisol in your body. It also helps buffer your experience of negativity from unpleasant events.\\nHave fun with others. Studies show that having a good time with loved ones can help reduce your feelings of anger and increase your feelings of positivity.\\nIf you can laugh with friends, it’s even better. Laughter releases endorphins, those mood-boosting chemicals in your brain that make you feel happy. It can even increase your body’s ability to tolerate physical pain!\\nMake sure you spend time with positive people. Humans can “catch” emotions from other people just like we catch colds. If you hang out with people who are focused on their stress and negativity, it’ll affect you. On the flip side, if you hang out with people who focus on supporting each other in positive, healthy ways, you’ll feel better.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Meditate.\", \"描述\": \"Meditation is about stopping to be in the present moment, still and accepting. Studies have shown that practicing meditation can promote relaxation, feelings of well-being, and even boost your immune system. It can even help rewire your brain’s stress responses. There are many types of meditation, although a lot of research has been done in support of “mindfulness meditation.” Aim to practice meditation for 30 minutes each day -- you’ll see significant results in as little as two weeks.\\nBegin by finding a quiet place without distractions. Don’t have the TV or computer on. Try to give yourself a minimum of 15 minutes to meditate, although 30 is even better.\\nClose your eyes and take a few deep cleansing breaths. Continue breathing deeply and evenly as you meditate.\\nImagine yourself as an outside witness to your thoughts. Watch them go by and acknowledge them without trying to judge them as “good” or “bad,” “right” or “wrong.” (This can take some practice. That’s okay.)\\nAsk yourself some questions to help guide your meditation. Begin by asking “What are my senses telling me?” Notice what you hear, smell, and feel. For example, is the room cold or warm? Do you hear birds, the whir of a dishwasher?\\nAsk yourself “What is my body doing?” Notice any tension (or relaxation) you feel in your body without judging it.\\nAsk yourself “What are my thoughts doing?” Notice whether they are critical, accepting, worried, etc. It can be easy to get swept up into a cycle of judging yourself for not meditating “well enough.” Allow yourself to notice your thoughts without judging yourself for them.\\nAsk yourself “What are my emotions doing?” How are you feeling right now? Stressed, calm, sad, content?\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Practice mindfulness.\", \"描述\": \"Mindfulness has received a lot of scientific attention recently. Numerous research studies show that it can help promote calmness, help you feel able to regulate your emotions, change how you respond to things, even increase your ability to handle pain. Mindfulness focuses on being aware of your thoughts and experiences in the moment, without judgement. It can take a little practice, but using mindfulness techniques can help you calm down quickly and promote a general sense of well-being.\\nTry the “raisin meditation.” Mindfulness focuses on awareness of your experiences in the present moment without judgment. Believe it or not, you can practice your mindfulness with a handful of raisins in 5 minutes a day.\\nEngage your senses. Hold the raisin. Turn it over in your fingers. Notice how it feels in your hand. Notice its texture. Take a good look at it. Examine its colors, its ridges, its variations. Smell it, noticing the aroma.\\nPlace the raisin in your mouth. Notice how it feels in your mouth without chewing. Does your mouth water? Can you taste anything? Now begin chewing. Notice how the flavor develops. Notice the texture in your mouth as you eat it. As you swallow, notice the movement of your muscles as you do so.\\n\\nTake a mindful walk. It’s easy to get so wrapped up in the stresses of daily life that we don’t notice the beauty all around us. Focusing on being aware of what you experience while you’re out on a walk can help build mindfulness skills.Take a walk on your own. As you walk, try to notice as many details as you can. Use all of your senses. Imagine that you are an explorer from another world who has never seen this place before. Notice the colors, smells, sounds, etc., around you. As you notice each detail, mindfully acknowledge it to yourself, such as “I am aware that I’m seeing a beautiful red flower.” Notice how these experiences make you feel.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Changing Your Outlook\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Define your strengths.\", \"描述\": \"It’s hard to feel calm and collected if you don’t know your own strengths. Take a little time to examine yourself and discover the unique things that make you, you. Remind yourself how capable you are. Journaling can be a great way to discover positive things about yourself. Here are some questions to get you started:\\nWhat makes you feel like a strong person?\\nWhat emotions do you feel when you’re feeling confident or strong?\\nWhat qualities define your strengths? This could be things like “compassion” or “family” or “ambition” -- whatever you think communicates you. Take a moment to review each one. Which ones do you like best?\\nYou can also try writing positive statements to yourself each day. For example, remind yourself of things you’ve done well that day, or tell yourself something that you like or respect about yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Use self-affirmations.\", \"描述\": \"Once you’ve figured out some of your positive attributes, remind yourself of them! It may feel awkward to say these things to yourself at first, but consider: you probably tell your loved ones how awesome they are all the time, right? Why not do the same for yourself? Try the following to help boost your self-confidence and increase your calm:\\nSay affirmations out loud to yourself in the mirror. Look yourself in the eyes and repeat something positive to yourself, such as “I am a great friend and loving person” or “I love how my smile lights up my face when I’m happy.”\\nIf you encounter unkind thoughts to yourself, change these into self-affirmations by reframing them. For example, imagine you find yourself thinking, “I’m so stressed, I will never be able to figure this out!”\\nReframe this into a positive statement: “I am stressed right now, and I am learning new things every day to make myself stronger.”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be kind to yourself\", \"描述\": \"Being calm begins with being self-loving (which is completely different from being self-absorbed). It's all too commonplace for us to take a negative tone with ourselves and to be our own unkindest critic. This can happen because we hold ourselves to unrealistic expectations, or because we forget to show ourselves the same compassion we show others. Calm cannot settle when you feel nothing but self-criticism, self-loathing and a lack of self-trust. Take time to quiet your inner critic and remind yourself that you are worthy of love, dignity, and compassion -- from yourself as well as others.\\nTalk gently to yourself. When negative self-talk wells up, practice challenging it with positive counter-thoughts or mantras.\\nFor example, if you catch yourself worrying and telling yourself that you can’t handle a situation, ask yourself these things:\\nIs this thought kind to myself? If not, change the thought to a kinder one: “I am worried right now, but I can handle this.”\\nDoes this thought make me feel capable and self-assured? If not, focus on your strengths and capabilities: “I’m worried that I don’t know enough to do this, but I am smart and can learn fast.”\\nWould I say this thought to a friend who was worried? If not, why would you say it to yourself?\\n\\nRemember that everyone makes mistakes. It can be easy to hold yourself to a standard of perfection that you would never expect from your loved ones. Remind yourself of your common humanity. Acknowledge your mistake, then focus on how to correct it and do things differently in the future. This keeps you focused on positive growth, rather than beating yourself up for the past.\\nKnow how valuable you are. Remind yourself daily of the virtues, strengths, and beauty that you bring into the world. If you’re having trouble thinking of positive things, ask friends for help.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Practice forgiveness with yourself and with others.\", \"描述\": \"Being unable to forgive compels you to discontent and internal war. Holding old grudges, being bitter and fueling constant anger create an inner turmoil that chains you to reliving past hurts. Do you really enjoy lugging that ball and chain around? Worse still, your health is impacted by long-lived grievances and your blood pressure, heart rate, physical and spiritual health will be suffering.\\nRemind yourself that when you forgive, you remove the toxic feelings from your life; it is not about condoning what another person did but it is about no longer letting that person's actions ruin your outlook on life.\\nWhen you feel yourself getting angry at someone that hurt you, try to stop and think. Breathe slowly for a second. Does being angry make your life better? Does the hate you feel make you happy? Would the people that really love you want you to keep suffering like this? The answer to all of these questions is \\\"no\\\"...so release those negative feelings and seek out positive ones instead.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be patient\", \"描述\": \"Patience is the begetter of calm. Impatience is the source of agitation and turbulence. Impatience says \\\"I want it NOW\\\" and when \\\"it\\\" doesn't appear now, you're liable to lose your temper and let the blood pressure rise. Impatience is often linked to unreasonable expectations about the world and other people (you expect too much of both yourself and of other people) and is often linked to perfectionism, which allows of no space to make errors or slow down. A calm person, on the other hand, is fully aware that errors occur sometimes and that speeding things up is liable to bring on errors, not alleviate them.\\nIf you catch yourself wanting to rush to do something, stop and evaluate the situation. Will someone die if you don't get what you need right now? If not, consider that stressing about this situation will only make your life worse and might even impair your judgement.\\nIf you're still having trouble being patient, you might just need to practice more. Start by trying to be patient with small things, like waiting in line at the grocery store. Distract yourself by reading all of the headlines on the magazines in the checkout line. Work your way up to more challenging areas in your life, like road rage or dealing with your kids.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Think about things before you start worrying.\", \"描述\": \"Most of the time, it is okay to not worry. Most of the time the news, the rumors, the negativity, the volatility, the insane highs and lows of human systems are just noise. Listen to too much of it and you sink into the mire of the rat race, ever running somewhere without a clear map forward. That will create intense disquiet and unease in your life. The wise person knows what to read, who to listen to and when to ignore the rumors (most of the time). The wise person is calm because the wise person accesses knowledge and knows how to use it for betterment of life.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Slow down your life.\", \"描述\": \"Many people try to push, push and make for the exit even before the door is open (both in the metaphorical sense, and not). Consider all the times when a plane lands and everyone rushes to get off but all they do is end up standing in a queue. Know when it's really important to hurry and when it's okay to slow down. You'll find that for most situations, it's okay to slow down.\\nSlowing down will also let you doing things more thoroughly so that you can get them right and do them well the first time around. This will save you even more stress later on.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Stop procrastinating.\", \"描述\": \"Procrastination is one of the biggest sources of stress in our lives. If you can learn to just get things done early or at least on time, you'll find yourself a lot more calm. This, of course, means focusing when things are supposed to be getting done and save distractions for later!\\nOne way a lot of people lose a lot of time during the day is to checking their email. Have specific email times, just two or three times a day, and do not check your email in between.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Keep an open mind. Closed, calculating minds are the root of ignorance. Nothing changes if all minds are certain – remember that people once believed the world to be flat.\\n\", \"If you're feeling angry or upset, just count to ten and take deep breaths. Then make yourself some cooling herbal tea or chilled water and take yourself to another place to sit still and allow your imagination take over.\\n\", \"Do things you love.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"If you feel so stressed that it’s affecting your health or your personal or work life, consider seeking professional help from a mental health provider. A counselor or therapist can help you identify unhelpful ways of thinking and learn coping skills. Family can also help in times of stress.\\n\"]}]}}",
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3,585 | How to Be Calm While You're Getting Your Bellybutton Pierced | 1. Steps
1-1. Remember that it's okay to be a little scared and nervous.
It's natural for somebody's first unusual piercing. You'll probably be a little shaky at first.
1-2. Practice deep breathing.
Take deep breaths and close your eyes when the moment comes. Deep breathing reduces stress and helps calm your body down.
1-3. If you're the type of person who doesn't handle seeing blood, even if it's the tiniest bit, it's best advised if you not look while the piercer is performing the procedure.
There is hardly any blood, if not any visually, but seeing the needle go through can rattle a person's nerves.
1-4. Keep a positive attitude.
Going into the shop while angry, sad, upset or just depressed doesn't help the nerve-racking situation for you. Going in with a positive attitude actually makes the experience easier to do than a person who goes in cautiously.
1-5. Make a plan for afterward, like rewarding yourself with an ice cream or something of the sort.
It keeps your mind off the piercing.
1-6. Bring a close friend or family member along with you to help you feel less scared.
Having somebody go with you calms you down and makes it a little more 'fun'.
1-7. Eat something light and drink some water before you go to ease your stomach and to prevent cramps caused by nervousness.
Tips
Shower beforehand to prevent any germs and to lower the risk of infection.
Relax and take deep breathes.
Many are worried about the pain, but it depends on the person's pain handling. It isn't pleasant, but the process is very quick.
Warnings
Don't touch your piercing after it's pierced.
When the needle is through, try your best to not move.
Be very good about cleaning the piercing when you're supposed to.
Stay calm or you will tense up and worry too much about the pain.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:25",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Steps\\n1-1. Remember that it's okay to be a little scared and nervous.\\nIt's natural for somebody's first unusual piercing. You'll probably be a little shaky at first.\\n1-2. Practice deep breathing.\\nTake deep breaths and close your eyes when the moment comes. Deep breathing reduces stress and helps calm your body down.\\n1-3. If you're the type of person who doesn't handle seeing blood, even if it's the tiniest bit, it's best advised if you not look while the piercer is performing the procedure.\\nThere is hardly any blood, if not any visually, but seeing the needle go through can rattle a person's nerves.\\n1-4. Keep a positive attitude.\\nGoing into the shop while angry, sad, upset or just depressed doesn't help the nerve-racking situation for you. Going in with a positive attitude actually makes the experience easier to do than a person who goes in cautiously.\\n1-5. Make a plan for afterward, like rewarding yourself with an ice cream or something of the sort.\\nIt keeps your mind off the piercing.\\n1-6. Bring a close friend or family member along with you to help you feel less scared.\\nHaving somebody go with you calms you down and makes it a little more 'fun'.\\n1-7. Eat something light and drink some water before you go to ease your stomach and to prevent cramps caused by nervousness.\\n\\nTips\\nShower beforehand to prevent any germs and to lower the risk of infection.\\nRelax and take deep breathes.\\nMany are worried about the pain, but it depends on the person's pain handling. It isn't pleasant, but the process is very quick.\\nWarnings\\nDon't touch your piercing after it's pierced.\\nWhen the needle is through, try your best to not move.\\nBe very good about cleaning the piercing when you're supposed to.\\nStay calm or you will tense up and worry too much about the pain.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Getting a navel piercing can seem a bit nerve racking, especially if piercings in different areas besides the earlobe are new to you. If you're nervous about your 'big day' and want to learn how to keep your cool and not stress out, read on.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Steps\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Remember that it's okay to be a little scared and nervous.\", \"描述\": \"It's natural for somebody's first unusual piercing. You'll probably be a little shaky at first.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Practice deep breathing.\", \"描述\": \"Take deep breaths and close your eyes when the moment comes. Deep breathing reduces stress and helps calm your body down.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"If you're the type of person who doesn't handle seeing blood, even if it's the tiniest bit, it's best advised if you not look while the piercer is performing the procedure.\", \"描述\": \"There is hardly any blood, if not any visually, but seeing the needle go through can rattle a person's nerves.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Keep a positive attitude.\", \"描述\": \"Going into the shop while angry, sad, upset or just depressed doesn't help the nerve-racking situation for you. Going in with a positive attitude actually makes the experience easier to do than a person who goes in cautiously.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Make a plan for afterward, like rewarding yourself with an ice cream or something of the sort.\", \"描述\": \"It keeps your mind off the piercing.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Bring a close friend or family member along with you to help you feel less scared.\", \"描述\": \"Having somebody go with you calms you down and makes it a little more 'fun'.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Eat something light and drink some water before you go to ease your stomach and to prevent cramps caused by nervousness.\", \"描述\": \"\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Shower beforehand to prevent any germs and to lower the risk of infection.\\n\", \"Relax and take deep breathes.\\n\", \"Many are worried about the pain, but it depends on the person's pain handling. It isn't pleasant, but the process is very quick.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Don't touch your piercing after it's pierced.\\n\", \"When the needle is through, try your best to not move.\\n\", \"Be very good about cleaning the piercing when you're supposed to.\\n\", \"Stay calm or you will tense up and worry too much about the pain.\\n\"]}]}}",
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3,586 | How to Be Calm Whilst Getting a Tattoo | 1. Before the tattoo
1-1. Determine what it is that you are scared of.
If you are scared of the pain, then you can numb the area before hand, or if it is the needle you are scared of, don't look at the needle. By determining what it is you are scared of, you can find a solution.
1-2. Eat a healthy meal and drink lots of water before the appointment.
Don't drink alcohol or take painkillers, as this thins your blood and makes it bleed more. If you are prone to fainting, take a sugary snack or drink with you.
1-3. Get a good sleep the night before.
Being tired can make everything worse, as you don't want to fall asleep in the tattoo studio.
1-4. Dress accordingly to the tattoo you are getting.
If you are getting a tattoo on your arm, then wear something with short sleeves or sleeves that you can easily roll up. If you are getting a stomach tattoo, then don't wear a dress or jumpsuit. Use common sense to decide whether or not your planned outfit is appropriate.
2. During the tattoo
2-1. Fill out the consent form, and answer the questions truthfully.
If you are unsure what something means, ask your artist to explain. If you are asked a question about health or past experience and you are unsure, tell your artist you don't know (for example, if the question was "are you prone to fainting" and you are unsure as you have never had a tattoo before, let them know).
2-2. Sit or lie down where you are told.
The artist will give you instructions on were to sit and what position. He/she may also ask you to remove certain items of clothing, if necessary.
2-3. Decide whether to look at the procedure or whether to look away.
Some people find it easier to look away, but some prefer to look. If you look away, you won't see the needle of the blood, but if you watch, you won't be surprised by the needle and if you are unhappy about the way the design is happening, you can consult your artist before it's too late.
2-4. Don't be embarrassed if you scream or cry.
Tattoo artists are usually used to people like this. It is better to try and avoid this, but if you do scream or cry, there is no need to be embarrassed.
2-5. Don't be afraid to ask your artist for a break.
It is normal to have 2-3 minute break here and there.
3. After the tattoo
3-1. Do something fun that you enjoy.
Reward yourself for getting the tattoo, and you will have something to look forward to while getting the tattoo. You could do anything from buying an ice cream, to throwing a party.
3-2. Follow the aftercare instructions.
You don't want to get an infection.
3-3. Don't be afraid to show off your tattoo to your friends.
You got a tattoo even though you were scared, so you have ever right to show it off!
Tips
Check with your artist before applying any numbing cream or taking painkillers, as they will be able to give professional advice.
Follow the aftercare instructions without fail. They are in place to help ease the pain and ensure a lack of infection.
Only get a tattoo if you really want it. They are permanent.
Warnings
It hurts.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:25",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Before the tattoo\\n1-1. Determine what it is that you are scared of.\\nIf you are scared of the pain, then you can numb the area before hand, or if it is the needle you are scared of, don't look at the needle. By determining what it is you are scared of, you can find a solution.\\n1-2. Eat a healthy meal and drink lots of water before the appointment.\\nDon't drink alcohol or take painkillers, as this thins your blood and makes it bleed more. If you are prone to fainting, take a sugary snack or drink with you.\\n1-3. Get a good sleep the night before.\\nBeing tired can make everything worse, as you don't want to fall asleep in the tattoo studio.\\n1-4. Dress accordingly to the tattoo you are getting.\\nIf you are getting a tattoo on your arm, then wear something with short sleeves or sleeves that you can easily roll up. If you are getting a stomach tattoo, then don't wear a dress or jumpsuit. Use common sense to decide whether or not your planned outfit is appropriate.\\n2. During the tattoo\\n2-1. Fill out the consent form, and answer the questions truthfully.\\nIf you are unsure what something means, ask your artist to explain. If you are asked a question about health or past experience and you are unsure, tell your artist you don't know (for example, if the question was \\\"are you prone to fainting\\\" and you are unsure as you have never had a tattoo before, let them know).\\n2-2. Sit or lie down where you are told.\\nThe artist will give you instructions on were to sit and what position. He/she may also ask you to remove certain items of clothing, if necessary.\\n2-3. Decide whether to look at the procedure or whether to look away.\\nSome people find it easier to look away, but some prefer to look. If you look away, you won't see the needle of the blood, but if you watch, you won't be surprised by the needle and if you are unhappy about the way the design is happening, you can consult your artist before it's too late.\\n2-4. Don't be embarrassed if you scream or cry.\\nTattoo artists are usually used to people like this. It is better to try and avoid this, but if you do scream or cry, there is no need to be embarrassed.\\n2-5. Don't be afraid to ask your artist for a break.\\nIt is normal to have 2-3 minute break here and there.\\n3. After the tattoo\\n3-1. Do something fun that you enjoy.\\nReward yourself for getting the tattoo, and you will have something to look forward to while getting the tattoo. You could do anything from buying an ice cream, to throwing a party.\\n3-2. Follow the aftercare instructions.\\nYou don't want to get an infection.\\n3-3. Don't be afraid to show off your tattoo to your friends.\\nYou got a tattoo even though you were scared, so you have ever right to show it off!\\nTips\\nCheck with your artist before applying any numbing cream or taking painkillers, as they will be able to give professional advice.\\nFollow the aftercare instructions without fail. They are in place to help ease the pain and ensure a lack of infection.\\nOnly get a tattoo if you really want it. They are permanent.\\nWarnings\\nIt hurts.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Getting a tattoo can be a scary and painful experience, but here's how to remain calm during the procedure.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Before the tattoo\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Determine what it is that you are scared of.\", \"描述\": \"If you are scared of the pain, then you can numb the area before hand, or if it is the needle you are scared of, don't look at the needle. By determining what it is you are scared of, you can find a solution.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Eat a healthy meal and drink lots of water before the appointment.\", \"描述\": \"Don't drink alcohol or take painkillers, as this thins your blood and makes it bleed more. If you are prone to fainting, take a sugary snack or drink with you.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Get a good sleep the night before.\", \"描述\": \"Being tired can make everything worse, as you don't want to fall asleep in the tattoo studio.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Dress accordingly to the tattoo you are getting.\", \"描述\": \"If you are getting a tattoo on your arm, then wear something with short sleeves or sleeves that you can easily roll up. If you are getting a stomach tattoo, then don't wear a dress or jumpsuit. Use common sense to decide whether or not your planned outfit is appropriate.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"During the tattoo\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Fill out the consent form, and answer the questions truthfully.\", \"描述\": \"If you are unsure what something means, ask your artist to explain. If you are asked a question about health or past experience and you are unsure, tell your artist you don't know (for example, if the question was \\\"are you prone to fainting\\\" and you are unsure as you have never had a tattoo before, let them know).\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Sit or lie down where you are told.\", \"描述\": \"The artist will give you instructions on were to sit and what position. He/she may also ask you to remove certain items of clothing, if necessary.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Decide whether to look at the procedure or whether to look away.\", \"描述\": \"Some people find it easier to look away, but some prefer to look. If you look away, you won't see the needle of the blood, but if you watch, you won't be surprised by the needle and if you are unhappy about the way the design is happening, you can consult your artist before it's too late.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Don't be embarrassed if you scream or cry.\", \"描述\": \"Tattoo artists are usually used to people like this. It is better to try and avoid this, but if you do scream or cry, there is no need to be embarrassed.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Don't be afraid to ask your artist for a break.\", \"描述\": \"It is normal to have 2-3 minute break here and there.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"After the tattoo\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Do something fun that you enjoy.\", \"描述\": \"Reward yourself for getting the tattoo, and you will have something to look forward to while getting the tattoo. You could do anything from buying an ice cream, to throwing a party.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Follow the aftercare instructions.\", \"描述\": \"You don't want to get an infection.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Don't be afraid to show off your tattoo to your friends.\", \"描述\": \"You got a tattoo even though you were scared, so you have ever right to show it off!\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Check with your artist before applying any numbing cream or taking painkillers, as they will be able to give professional advice.\\n\", \"Follow the aftercare instructions without fail. They are in place to help ease the pain and ensure a lack of infection.\\n\", \"Only get a tattoo if you really want it. They are permanent.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"It hurts.\\n\"]}]}}",
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3,587 | How to Be Calm in a Stressful Situation | 1. Calming Down In the Moment
1-1. Stop what you’re doing.
One of the best ways to calm down if you’re already feeling stressed is to stop interacting with the stressor, if possible. Sometimes, even taking a few seconds before you head back into the situation can be enough to help you cool down.
Try counting to ten, or taking 3-5 deep breaths before you reply in a heated conversation or situation.
Take a break. For example, if an argument with your spouse is getting heated, stop and excuse yourself for a moment by saying something like, “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed right now. I need to take a 15-minute break before we continue discussing this.” Go to a different place, focus on breathing deeply, and recite a calming mantra, such as “I can handle this calmly. I can do this.”
1-2. Focus on your senses.
When we’re stressed, sometimes our bodies interpret the stress as an attack and kick us into “fight or flight mode.” This stimulates the release of hormones like adrenaline, which constrict your blood vessels, make your breathing rapid and shallow, and boost your heart rate. Over time, this panic response can become a habit for your brain in what’s known as “automatic reactivity.”
Slowing down and focusing on the individual physical responses you’re experiencing can help you learn to identify what it feels like when you’re stressed to the max. Studies also show that this conscious process of noticing what’s going on in your body can help retrain your brain’s automatic habits.
Notice each thing that is going on in your body but try to avoid judging it. For example, if you’re worried about doing well on a final exam that’s in just a few minutes, you might notice to yourself, “My face feels hot and flushed. My heart is beating very fast. My palms feel sweaty. I feel nauseated.” Try to keep your noticing these things as neutral as possible.
1-3. Take some deep breaths.
When your body enters “fight or flight mode,” your sympathetic nervous system can seriously mess with your breathing. You may find it difficult to breathe when you’re stressed, but it’s important to focus on taking some long, even breaths. This will restore oxygen to your body and decrease lactate in your bloodstream, making you feel calm and relaxed.
You’ll probably notice that when you’re stressed or upset, your breathing seems to come from the very top of your chest, even your throat. Aim to breathe from your diaphragm instead. Place one hand on your lower abdomen just below your ribs and one on your chest.
Inhale slowly through your nose. Aim to breathe in for a 4-count if you can. You should feel your belly expand along with your chest as you inhale: this is diaphragmatic breathing.
Hold your breath for 1-2 seconds. Then, slowly exhale through your nose or mouth. Aim to exhale for a 4-count if you can. Repeat this process 6-10 times per minute for a few minutes.
You may also find it helpful to recite a mantra while you breathe, or count your breaths to keep yourself from getting distracted. A mantra may be a syllable, such as "ohm," or it may be a phrase, such as "breathing into my body [while inhaling], breathing out release [while exhaling]."
1-4. Try to relax your muscles.
When you’re stressed, you may unconsciously tighten and tense your muscles, which can make you feel even more stressed and “wound up.” Using progressive muscle relaxation, or PMR, can help release that tension and get you feeling more calm and relaxed. PMR focuses on consciously tensing and then releasing muscles in groups.
There are several free guided PMR routines online. Berkeley has a script you can follow along with. MIT has a free 11-minute audio guide to doing PMR.
Find a quiet, comfortable place if you can. If this is not possible, you can still do some PMR techniques.
Loosen tight clothing if possible. Sit comfortably or lie down (although lying down may relax you so much that you fall asleep!). Breathe evenly as you do your PMR groups.
Begin with the muscles in your face, as many people carry stress in their face, neck, and shoulder area. Start by opening your eyes as wide as they will go for 5 seconds, then release the tension. Squeeze your eyes shut tightly for 5 seconds, then release the tension. Give yourself 10 seconds to notice how these areas feel.
Move to the next group. Purse your lips tightly for 5 seconds, then release. Smile as wide as you can for 5 seconds, then release. Again, let yourself enjoy the sensation of relaxation for 10 seconds before moving on.
Continue to tense muscle groups for 5 seconds and then release the tension. Give yourself a 10-second relaxation break between groups.
Progress through the rest of your muscle groups (if time allows): neck, shoulders, arms, chest, stomach, buttocks, thighs, lower legs, feet, and toes.
If you don't have time for a full PMR release, try to do it with just your facial muscles. You can also try a quick hand massage, since we often carry a lot of tension in our hands.
1-5. Get some exercise.
Exercise is a natural mood booster because it releases endorphins, natural chemicals that make you feel calm and happy. Several studies have demonstrated that exercising regularly can make you feel calmer and happier overall. Whether you go for a run, do calisthenics, do yoga, or lift weights, 30 minutes of physical exercise every day can help you relax.
Exercise may also have a preventive effect. Studies have shown that getting some aerobic exercise before an experience that may be stressful can actually help you keep calm during that experience.
Try exercises such as yoga and tai chi. Their focus on deep breathing, meditation, and gentle physical movement can really help soothe you.
2. Identifying the Source(s) of Stress
2-1. Recognize what stress looks like for you.
You may exhibit a variety of signs when you’re feeling stressed or anxious. Knowing what to look for will help keep stress from sneaking up on you unawares. Everyone experiences and responds to stress differently, but there are some common symptoms you can look for:
Psychological signs can include: trouble concentrating, difficulty with your memory, being distracted easily, feeling less creative or decisive, worrying, or frequent negative thinking.
Emotional signs can include teariness, irritability, mood swings, unusual feelings for you, defensiveness, feeling a lack of motivation or the desire to procrastinate, low confidence or low self-esteem, frustration, feeling nervous or jittery, uncharacteristic aggression or anger.
Physical signs can include: aches and pains, a lowered immune system, weight or sleep changes, panic attacks, exhaustion or fatigue, and change of sex drive.
Behavioral signs can include: forgetfulness, self-neglect, social withdrawal, trouble sleeping, relationship trouble, impaired time-management and self-motivation, and using substances such as alcohol, nicotine, or drugs to help cope.
2-2. Identify the cause of your stress.
Is your heart pounding because that person just cut you off on the freeway, or is it because of that presentation you have to give to your boss this afternoon? Think for a moment and try to figure out what’s really bothering you. If it helps, you can write various things down on a piece of paper and then rank them. Common sources of stress include:
Family. Conflicts with parents, loved ones, or your romantic partner can really stress you out.
School or work. You may feel pressure to perform, meet deadlines, or achieve certain tasks. You may also feel stressed about balancing work and your personal life, or about making major decisions.
Personal. These sources can be intense. You may worry about feeling “good enough.” You may be stressed over your relationships, or you may have problems with your health or finances that stress you out. You may also be bored or lonely, or have limited relaxation and self-care time.
2-3. Acknowledge your role.
It may be that stress has become so integral to how you envision yourself that you don’t even recognize how tied up you have become. Take a step back and consider how you think about stress.
Do you frequently feel stressed out even if the stress always seems temporary? For example, you might say something like “It’s just really crazy at work this week” to explain your stress. However, if you are often feeling this stress, this suggests it is more than a temporary “bump” that’s causing it.
Do you feel like stress is part of your identity or a “normal” part of your life? For example, perhaps you think, “My family is full of worriers. That’s just how we are” or “I just live a stressful life, that’s all.” This type of thinking can make it seem like there’s nothing you can do to manage your stress.
Do you feel like your stress is others’ fault or responsibility? For example, you might blame the stress about a college essay on the teacher’s strict standards, rather than your procrastination. This can keep you from taking action to reduce your stress by changing your own behavior.
2-4. Determine if you’re stressing about something that is in the past.
Sometimes, we can get caught up in obsessing over the past to the point that it stresses us out in the present. You can’t change the past, but you can respond to the present and prepare for the future.
Constantly rehashing something that happened in the past can be a sign of rumination, an unhealthy thinking habit where you repeat a “broken record loop” of negative ideas. This can cause anxiety and depression. It is also unproductive because ruminating doesn’t teach you anything about the past experience or help you problem-solve for the future.
Instead, if you catch yourself stressing about something that has already happened, take a moment to remind yourself that you cannot change the past. However, you can learn and grow from it, and you can use its lessons to do better in the future. For example, if you find yourself thinking, “Why do my partners always break up with me? I’m just a loser,” this is unhelpful and it could definitely cause you stress.
Try thinking about your past in a more productive way. For example, you could examine your past relationships for trends, such as the type of person you generally date, your communication styles, or events that surrounded each breakup. You may find patterns that help you understand what’s going on and make new plans for future relationships. You also avoid essentializing yourself, which will help you feel motivated to make any changes you need.
2-5. Determine whether you’re stressed about the future.
We all worry about our futures at some point. However, we can get so wrapped up in anticipating the future that we stress out and forget to live in the present. This type of thinking isn’t helpful, but you can learn to change it. Remember: the future isn’t set.
A common type of worry about the future is “catastrophizing,” where you predict the worst possible scenario for any event, even minor ones. For example, if you’re feeling stressed about an upcoming exam, catastrophizing could look like this: “If I don’t make a good grade on that test, I’m going to fail the course. I could even fail the semester. If I fail the semester I will lose my scholarship and I won’t be able to go to college anymore. I’ll end up with no money and no job and I’ll have to live under a bridge in a box.” Obviously, this is an extreme example, but it illustrates the kind of thinking that can happen.
One way to challenge this is to imagine the absolute worst thing that could actually happen. For example, in the above scenario, the worst thing might be that you do indeed fail out of that college and have to move back in with mom and dad. Then, consider whether you could handle it. Chances are almost always yes. Finally, consider the real likelihood that this will occur. In this case, it’s pretty slim: a failed test does not equal failing a class, which does not equal failing out of college, etc.
You can also challenge catastrophizing by stopping yourself at each “conclusion” and finding logical evidence and counterpoints for it. For example, if you fail the exam, you might fail the course -- or you might be able to retake the exam, or bring up your grade for extra credit.
3. Making a Plan
3-1. Practice relaxation
You should always try to make plans and decisions when you’re calm and relaxed. If you’re feeling stressed or angry, that could impair your judgment and lead you to make rash or unhelpful decisions.
Inhale deeply through your nose. In your mind, count to five seconds, and then exhale slowly through your mouth, for another five seconds. Repeat this breathing pattern until you feel comfortable with it.
Think about something else. Get your mind off the stress by thinking about something that makes you happy, such as your kids or spouse (provided they’re not the cause of the current stress), or by concentrating on the things you have planned for the day.
Visualize relaxing things, such as a deserted island or a country road. Close your eyes and try to picture even minor details about the imaginary place, and you can put yourself in that situation instead of the one you’re in.
Get away from the cause of the stress. If you can physically escape the stress trigger, do so. Leave the room or pull off the road for a moment to put things in perspective.
Acknowledge that anxiety is not always bad. Sometimes, anxiety or stress can be a clue that you’re considering a significant or even unhelpful decision. For example, you might feel stressed about selling all of your belongings, buying a school bus, and living a nomadic life in the desert. This is obviously a big decision, and whether or not it’s a good fit for you is something you need to consider seriously. Anxiety is your warning sign here to slow down and think carefully.
3-2. Choose your response.
In general, you have two responses when you face stress: you can choose to change either the situation or your response to it. Even if you’re powerless to change the source of your stress, you have the power to choose how you’ll respond to it. You can choose to learn new techniques to respond in the moment. You can choose to refocus your thinking. Consider some questions when deciding your approach.
Can you avoid it? You can sometimes avoid stressors, thereby changing the situation. For example, if you frequently find yourself stressed by your busy schedule, you can examine your agenda for things you could drop. You could also learn to say “no” to requests more frequently, or ask for help.
Can you alter it? Some stressors can’t be avoided, but you can alter your approach to them and thus change the situation. For example, you and your romantic partner will have disagreements at some point; this is natural for all relationships, even if you’re the most loving couple in the world. However, these don’t have to be stressful if you alter your approach, such as seeking compromise or expressing your feelings directly instead of using passive aggression.
Can you adapt to it? Sometimes you can change your approach or behaviors to reduce stress, even if you can’t change the situation. For example, if you frequently find yourself stressed by rush-hour traffic, you can’t change that: you have to get to work, and rush-hour traffic is a worldwide problem. However, you could alter your approach to this stressor by taking public transit to work, finding a different route home, or leaving a little earlier or later in the day.
Can you accept it? Some things you simply cannot change. You cannot change or control others’ feelings, actions, or reactions. You can’t change the fact that it rained on your wedding day, or that your boss is a selfish jerk no matter how hard you try to be a good communicator. However, you can accept these as things beyond your control and let go of your need to control them. You can also view them as learning experiences from which you can grow.
3-3. Make a plan
Sometimes you can resolve a stressful situation right away with one action, but often you’ll need several steps, perhaps over a long period. Write out a plan with attainable goals and a timeline for reaching those goals.
Additionally, many stressful situations are avoidable. If you prepare ahead of time for important events and make contingency plans, you may not have to cope with as much stress later. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
3-4. Be realistic
If you continue to experience stress because no matter how hard you try you can’t take the steps quickly enough, you probably haven’t set realistic goals. In a culture that values a can-do attitude, it can be hard to accept that sometimes you can’t do something, at least not within a given period of time. If that’s the case, revise your timeline or lower your expectations. If you can’t do that, the situation qualifies as one which you can’t control. Learn from your experience, but let it go.
If you find yourself constantly failing to meet someone else's unrealistic standards, read How to Stop Being a People Pleaser and How to Overcome Martyr Syndrome.
3-5. Take one step at a time.
A complex problem can be overwhelming, even when you’ve got your plan mapped out, but remember: the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Just focus on one small goal at a time.
Show yourself patience and kindness as you enact your plans. Remember that personal growth is hard work that does not come quickly. If you encounter setbacks or challenges (and most likely, you will at some point), view them as roadblocks from which you can learn new ways of approaching the situation, rather than “failures.”
4. Taking Action
4-1. Stop procrastinating
Procrastination often results from fear and anxiety, which can stop us dead in our tracks. Often, perfectionism is a culprit. You may get so wrapped up in needing to be “perfect” (which is both highly subjective and always unattainable) that you find yourself unable to actually do what you need to do because you’re worried it won’t turn out as you hope. Fortunately, you can learn some techniques to help you overcome procrastination and the stress it can cause.
Remind yourself that you cannot control outcomes, only actions. You might be so stressed about what your professor will think about your essay that you can’t face writing it. Remember that you can control what you do: you can do your best and write your best essay. The rest of it is out of your hands.
Acknowledge that “perfection” is an unrealistic standard. No human can attain perfection and our ideas of what “perfect” means are highly variable anyway. Instead, aim for your personal best and avoid making assumptions about yourself based on outcomes. For example, a perfectionist might see a B+ on an essay as a “failure” because it is not a perfect grade. However, someone who is aiming for her personal best could reframe this: she knows she did the best she could and she can be proud of that effort, regardless of what the grade on the essay says.
Watch out for “should” statements. These insidious thoughts can encourage you to beat yourself up over things that are out of your control. For example, you might have the thought, “A good student should never make mistakes.” However, that is an unrealistic standard that no one can meet. Instead, try a “can” statement: “I can perform to my best ability and honor my effort, even when I make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes in life.”
4-2. Practice mindfulness.
You can’t eliminate all stress from your life, and in fact, you wouldn’t want to. Stress can be a great motivator. It can even be a sign that you’re deeply invested in what you’re doing or about to do. Mindfulness techniques can help you notice when you experience stressful sensations and acknowledge those feelings without judging them. This will help you avoid focusing too much on the stress. Here are a couple of exercises to try:
Try the raisin meditation. It may sound a little silly, but this exercise can help you learn to slow down and focus on the present moment. As you interact with your handful of raisins, you will pay careful attention to each element of your experience, acknowledging it to yourself. Try it for 5 minutes a day.
Begin with a handful of raisins. Take one between your fingers and hold it. Turn it around, notice its texture, its ridges and valleys. Make a mental note of what the raisin feels like.
Examine the raisin visually. Take time to really see the raisin, as though you were an explorer from another world whose first contact with Earth is this remarkable wrinkled thing. Notice its colors, shape, and texture.
Smell the raisin. Hold the raisin to your nose and take a few deep breaths. Enjoy any aroma that you smell. Try to describe it to yourself. You may even find that certain raisins smell different than others!
Place the raisin on your tongue. Notice how it feels there. Can you feel the weight? Can you move it around your mouth, exploring how it feels in different places?
Taste the raisin by taking a small bite. Notice now how you move your mouth as you chew it. Try to discern what muscles you’re using to chew. Notice how the texture and taste of the raisin respond to your chewing.
Swallow the raisin. Try to see if you can follow the raisin as you swallow. What muscles are you using? What does it feel like?
Try a self-compassion break. We can get so wrapped up in the daily stresses of our lives that we become accustomed to judging ourselves for them. A quick self-compassion break for just 5 minutes can help you become more mindful of when you are being harsh with yourself.
Think of the stressful situation. Notice any sensations of stress in your body, or any emotions you are feeling.
Repeat to yourself, “This is a moment of suffering” or “This is stress.” Acknowledging that this is what is happening without judging it will help you become more mindful of your experience.
Now repeat, “Stress is a natural part of life” or “Everyone has negative experiences sometimes.” This will help you recognize your common humanity with others. You are not deficient or “bad” for experiencing these things.
Place your hands over your heart or wrap your arms around yourself to give yourself a hug. Repeat to yourself, “May I be kind to myself” or “May I be patient.” You can say whatever seems most relevant to your situation, but keep it phrased positively.
The Greater Good in Action center at Berkeley has a bunch of other evidence-based exercises that you can practice at their website.
4-3. Use the RAIN reminder.
RAIN is a helpful acronym invented by psychologist Michele McDonald to help you practice a mindfulness approach. It stands for:
ecognize what is going on. Consciously notice and recognize whatever is going on right now, in this moment. This means acknowledging feelings or thoughts that seem negative as well as those that seem positive. For example, “I am feeling very angry and stressed right now.”
llow the experience to be there as it is. This means that you acknowledge whatever is going on in your mind and heart without judgment. It’s tempting to judge yourself for seemingly “negative” feelings or reactions or to try and avoid or repress those things. Instead, notice them and acknowledge even the unpleasant thoughts and feelings as valid parts of your experience. For example, “I feel so angry with my partner but also ashamed that I snapped at her.”
nvestigate with kindness. This crucial part involves showing yourself and others compassion as you investigate your present moment. Ask yourself what your thoughts and feelings reflect about your beliefs and needs right now. For example, if you are feeling angry with your partner and ashamed that you snapped at her, you might direct harsh judgment toward the both of you: “I’m a bad person for yelling at her. She makes me so mad.” Instead, try to approach both people with kindness: “I yelled at her, and I’m feeling ashamed by that because I love her. I made a mistake that I can acknowledge. My partner said things that made me angry, but I know she also loves me. We can work together to solve this issue.”
atural awareness arises from not over-personalizing the experience. This means extricating yourself from that tendency to generalize about yourself based on one experience, such as “I’m a bad person” or “I’m a loser.” Your feelings are part of your experience, but they are not you. Allow yourself to acknowledge that you may have negative experiences or feelings without them defining who you are.
4-4. Meditate.
Meditation is all about being quiet and accepting in the present moment. Meditation can help you feel calm and relaxed even through your day-to-day stresses. In fact, meditation can over time even rewire how your brain responds to stressors!Mindfulness meditation in particular has recently received a lot of scientific support for its benefits. You can do some meditation on your own, take a class, or use an audio guide.
Begin by finding a quiet place without distractions or interruptions. Avoid having your TV, computer, or cellphone on. If you can, take at least 15 minutes to meditate (although 30 is even better).
Close your eyes and breathe evenly and deeply. Begin by focusing just on your breath. You can gradually expand your focus to include your other sensory experiences.
Notice your sensations without judgment. Acknowledge the thoughts you experience as thoughts, even if the thoughts seem negative to you: “I am having the thought right now that this is corny.” Accept the thought as it is, without trying to change or reject it.
If you find yourself getting distracted, bring your thoughts back to noticing your breathing.
You can also find free audio meditations online. MIT and the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center both have online MP3 meditations. You can also find mobile apps such as Calm that can help guide you.
4-5. Repeat positive statements.
Challenge negative thoughts when they show up by repeating positive affirmations to yourself. You can train your brain to look for the best in you, not the worst, which can help reduce stress levels. Here are some examples:
“I can do this.”
“I can do my best. That is all I can do. That is enough.”
“I am bigger than my problems.”
“My mistakes do not define me.”
“I am human. We all make errors.”
“This is temporary and will pass.”
“I can ask for help when I need it.”
4-6. Release stress productively.
It can be tempting to handle stress in unproductive ways, such as turning to alcohol or other substances, or taking it out on another person, pet, or inanimate object. Avoid these tendencies and focus on productive ways to express your stress instead.
Resist the temptation to blow up or lash out when you’re stressed, especially if you’re angry. Expressing your anger through shouting, physical violence, or even breaking or punching things can actually make your anger and stress worse. Try something less harmful, like squeezing a stress ball or doodling.
On the other hand, swearing may actually help you feel better in a stressful or painful situation. Just be mindful of where you do it: obviously, dropping the f-bomb in front of your boss or cussing out your child could hurt not only you but others.
Cry if you want to. Sometimes, you just need to cry. Doing so productively can actually help you feel better. Make sure to repeat calming, kind statements to yourself as you cry, and allow yourself to feel your feelings.
Listen to some soothing music. The British Academy of Sound Therapy has put together a playlist of the world’s “most relaxing” music. Listening to some calm, soothing music when you’re stressed can provoke a physiological relaxation response.
Take a hot shower or bath. Physical warmth has been shown to have a relaxing effect on many people.
Tips
Stress about future events is mostly caused by fear, and stress over things in the present is usually caused by a feeling of powerlessness.
You can talk to someone about your stress but if no one can talk to you, write down the cause of your stress like a meeting you have to attend and put that in your diary!.
Write your thoughts and worries in a diary. This way, you can process them privately and effectively, getting them out of your mind and off your chest.
Warnings
Don't blame everything on yourself. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, a problem may seem impossible to resolve. Giving up on the subject is not always a bad thing, but giving up on yourself and starting self-abuse methods is counterproductive.
Don’t self-medicate. Alcohol and drugs may provide a temporary escape, but your problems will be waiting for you when you get back to reality. Besides, do you want an addiction problem in your life, too? You yourself may not care about it, or even be aware of it, but it will affect the people who love you as well as yourself.
Inappropriate reactions to stress or an inability to cope with stress can shave years off of your life. It's true that not everything is possible, but it's impossible for anything to change if it needs your attention and you just sit there and slack off. Hard work is an achievement in itself.
Getting in the habit of hitting things while angry might make you a violent or aggressive person. It's better to diffuse your anger than to try to take it out on other people or things. Never hit a person or other living thing, and make sure that any inanimate object you hit won’t hurt you.
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"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Calming Down In the Moment\\n1-1. Stop what you’re doing.\\nOne of the best ways to calm down if you’re already feeling stressed is to stop interacting with the stressor, if possible. Sometimes, even taking a few seconds before you head back into the situation can be enough to help you cool down.\\nTry counting to ten, or taking 3-5 deep breaths before you reply in a heated conversation or situation.\\nTake a break. For example, if an argument with your spouse is getting heated, stop and excuse yourself for a moment by saying something like, “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed right now. I need to take a 15-minute break before we continue discussing this.” Go to a different place, focus on breathing deeply, and recite a calming mantra, such as “I can handle this calmly. I can do this.”\\n1-2. Focus on your senses.\\nWhen we’re stressed, sometimes our bodies interpret the stress as an attack and kick us into “fight or flight mode.” This stimulates the release of hormones like adrenaline, which constrict your blood vessels, make your breathing rapid and shallow, and boost your heart rate. Over time, this panic response can become a habit for your brain in what’s known as “automatic reactivity.”\\nSlowing down and focusing on the individual physical responses you’re experiencing can help you learn to identify what it feels like when you’re stressed to the max. Studies also show that this conscious process of noticing what’s going on in your body can help retrain your brain’s automatic habits.\\nNotice each thing that is going on in your body but try to avoid judging it. For example, if you’re worried about doing well on a final exam that’s in just a few minutes, you might notice to yourself, “My face feels hot and flushed. My heart is beating very fast. My palms feel sweaty. I feel nauseated.” Try to keep your noticing these things as neutral as possible.\\n1-3. Take some deep breaths.\\nWhen your body enters “fight or flight mode,” your sympathetic nervous system can seriously mess with your breathing. You may find it difficult to breathe when you’re stressed, but it’s important to focus on taking some long, even breaths. This will restore oxygen to your body and decrease lactate in your bloodstream, making you feel calm and relaxed.\\nYou’ll probably notice that when you’re stressed or upset, your breathing seems to come from the very top of your chest, even your throat. Aim to breathe from your diaphragm instead. Place one hand on your lower abdomen just below your ribs and one on your chest.\\nInhale slowly through your nose. Aim to breathe in for a 4-count if you can. You should feel your belly expand along with your chest as you inhale: this is diaphragmatic breathing.\\nHold your breath for 1-2 seconds. Then, slowly exhale through your nose or mouth. Aim to exhale for a 4-count if you can. Repeat this process 6-10 times per minute for a few minutes.\\nYou may also find it helpful to recite a mantra while you breathe, or count your breaths to keep yourself from getting distracted. A mantra may be a syllable, such as \\\"ohm,\\\" or it may be a phrase, such as \\\"breathing into my body [while inhaling], breathing out release [while exhaling].\\\"\\n1-4. Try to relax your muscles.\\nWhen you’re stressed, you may unconsciously tighten and tense your muscles, which can make you feel even more stressed and “wound up.” Using progressive muscle relaxation, or PMR, can help release that tension and get you feeling more calm and relaxed. PMR focuses on consciously tensing and then releasing muscles in groups.\\nThere are several free guided PMR routines online. Berkeley has a script you can follow along with. MIT has a free 11-minute audio guide to doing PMR.\\nFind a quiet, comfortable place if you can. If this is not possible, you can still do some PMR techniques.\\nLoosen tight clothing if possible. Sit comfortably or lie down (although lying down may relax you so much that you fall asleep!). Breathe evenly as you do your PMR groups.\\nBegin with the muscles in your face, as many people carry stress in their face, neck, and shoulder area. Start by opening your eyes as wide as they will go for 5 seconds, then release the tension. Squeeze your eyes shut tightly for 5 seconds, then release the tension. Give yourself 10 seconds to notice how these areas feel.\\nMove to the next group. Purse your lips tightly for 5 seconds, then release. Smile as wide as you can for 5 seconds, then release. Again, let yourself enjoy the sensation of relaxation for 10 seconds before moving on.\\nContinue to tense muscle groups for 5 seconds and then release the tension. Give yourself a 10-second relaxation break between groups.\\nProgress through the rest of your muscle groups (if time allows): neck, shoulders, arms, chest, stomach, buttocks, thighs, lower legs, feet, and toes.\\nIf you don't have time for a full PMR release, try to do it with just your facial muscles. You can also try a quick hand massage, since we often carry a lot of tension in our hands.\\n1-5. Get some exercise.\\nExercise is a natural mood booster because it releases endorphins, natural chemicals that make you feel calm and happy. Several studies have demonstrated that exercising regularly can make you feel calmer and happier overall. Whether you go for a run, do calisthenics, do yoga, or lift weights, 30 minutes of physical exercise every day can help you relax.\\nExercise may also have a preventive effect. Studies have shown that getting some aerobic exercise before an experience that may be stressful can actually help you keep calm during that experience.\\nTry exercises such as yoga and tai chi. Their focus on deep breathing, meditation, and gentle physical movement can really help soothe you.\\n2. Identifying the Source(s) of Stress\\n2-1. Recognize what stress looks like for you.\\nYou may exhibit a variety of signs when you’re feeling stressed or anxious. Knowing what to look for will help keep stress from sneaking up on you unawares. Everyone experiences and responds to stress differently, but there are some common symptoms you can look for: \\nPsychological signs can include: trouble concentrating, difficulty with your memory, being distracted easily, feeling less creative or decisive, worrying, or frequent negative thinking.\\nEmotional signs can include teariness, irritability, mood swings, unusual feelings for you, defensiveness, feeling a lack of motivation or the desire to procrastinate, low confidence or low self-esteem, frustration, feeling nervous or jittery, uncharacteristic aggression or anger.\\nPhysical signs can include: aches and pains, a lowered immune system, weight or sleep changes, panic attacks, exhaustion or fatigue, and change of sex drive.\\nBehavioral signs can include: forgetfulness, self-neglect, social withdrawal, trouble sleeping, relationship trouble, impaired time-management and self-motivation, and using substances such as alcohol, nicotine, or drugs to help cope.\\n2-2. Identify the cause of your stress.\\nIs your heart pounding because that person just cut you off on the freeway, or is it because of that presentation you have to give to your boss this afternoon? Think for a moment and try to figure out what’s really bothering you. If it helps, you can write various things down on a piece of paper and then rank them. Common sources of stress include:\\nFamily. Conflicts with parents, loved ones, or your romantic partner can really stress you out.\\nSchool or work. You may feel pressure to perform, meet deadlines, or achieve certain tasks. You may also feel stressed about balancing work and your personal life, or about making major decisions.\\nPersonal. These sources can be intense. You may worry about feeling “good enough.” You may be stressed over your relationships, or you may have problems with your health or finances that stress you out. You may also be bored or lonely, or have limited relaxation and self-care time.\\n2-3. Acknowledge your role.\\nIt may be that stress has become so integral to how you envision yourself that you don’t even recognize how tied up you have become. Take a step back and consider how you think about stress.\\nDo you frequently feel stressed out even if the stress always seems temporary? For example, you might say something like “It’s just really crazy at work this week” to explain your stress. However, if you are often feeling this stress, this suggests it is more than a temporary “bump” that’s causing it.\\nDo you feel like stress is part of your identity or a “normal” part of your life? For example, perhaps you think, “My family is full of worriers. That’s just how we are” or “I just live a stressful life, that’s all.” This type of thinking can make it seem like there’s nothing you can do to manage your stress.\\nDo you feel like your stress is others’ fault or responsibility? For example, you might blame the stress about a college essay on the teacher’s strict standards, rather than your procrastination. This can keep you from taking action to reduce your stress by changing your own behavior.\\n2-4. Determine if you’re stressing about something that is in the past.\\nSometimes, we can get caught up in obsessing over the past to the point that it stresses us out in the present. You can’t change the past, but you can respond to the present and prepare for the future.\\nConstantly rehashing something that happened in the past can be a sign of rumination, an unhealthy thinking habit where you repeat a “broken record loop” of negative ideas. This can cause anxiety and depression. It is also unproductive because ruminating doesn’t teach you anything about the past experience or help you problem-solve for the future.\\nInstead, if you catch yourself stressing about something that has already happened, take a moment to remind yourself that you cannot change the past. However, you can learn and grow from it, and you can use its lessons to do better in the future. For example, if you find yourself thinking, “Why do my partners always break up with me? I’m just a loser,” this is unhelpful and it could definitely cause you stress.\\nTry thinking about your past in a more productive way. For example, you could examine your past relationships for trends, such as the type of person you generally date, your communication styles, or events that surrounded each breakup. You may find patterns that help you understand what’s going on and make new plans for future relationships. You also avoid essentializing yourself, which will help you feel motivated to make any changes you need.\\n2-5. Determine whether you’re stressed about the future.\\nWe all worry about our futures at some point. However, we can get so wrapped up in anticipating the future that we stress out and forget to live in the present. This type of thinking isn’t helpful, but you can learn to change it. Remember: the future isn’t set.\\nA common type of worry about the future is “catastrophizing,” where you predict the worst possible scenario for any event, even minor ones. For example, if you’re feeling stressed about an upcoming exam, catastrophizing could look like this: “If I don’t make a good grade on that test, I’m going to fail the course. I could even fail the semester. If I fail the semester I will lose my scholarship and I won’t be able to go to college anymore. I’ll end up with no money and no job and I’ll have to live under a bridge in a box.” Obviously, this is an extreme example, but it illustrates the kind of thinking that can happen.\\nOne way to challenge this is to imagine the absolute worst thing that could actually happen. For example, in the above scenario, the worst thing might be that you do indeed fail out of that college and have to move back in with mom and dad. Then, consider whether you could handle it. Chances are almost always yes. Finally, consider the real likelihood that this will occur. In this case, it’s pretty slim: a failed test does not equal failing a class, which does not equal failing out of college, etc.\\nYou can also challenge catastrophizing by stopping yourself at each “conclusion” and finding logical evidence and counterpoints for it. For example, if you fail the exam, you might fail the course -- or you might be able to retake the exam, or bring up your grade for extra credit.\\n3. Making a Plan\\n3-1. Practice relaxation\\nYou should always try to make plans and decisions when you’re calm and relaxed. If you’re feeling stressed or angry, that could impair your judgment and lead you to make rash or unhelpful decisions.\\n\\nInhale deeply through your nose. In your mind, count to five seconds, and then exhale slowly through your mouth, for another five seconds. Repeat this breathing pattern until you feel comfortable with it.\\nThink about something else. Get your mind off the stress by thinking about something that makes you happy, such as your kids or spouse (provided they’re not the cause of the current stress), or by concentrating on the things you have planned for the day.\\nVisualize relaxing things, such as a deserted island or a country road. Close your eyes and try to picture even minor details about the imaginary place, and you can put yourself in that situation instead of the one you’re in.\\nGet away from the cause of the stress. If you can physically escape the stress trigger, do so. Leave the room or pull off the road for a moment to put things in perspective.\\nAcknowledge that anxiety is not always bad. Sometimes, anxiety or stress can be a clue that you’re considering a significant or even unhelpful decision. For example, you might feel stressed about selling all of your belongings, buying a school bus, and living a nomadic life in the desert. This is obviously a big decision, and whether or not it’s a good fit for you is something you need to consider seriously. Anxiety is your warning sign here to slow down and think carefully.\\n3-2. Choose your response.\\nIn general, you have two responses when you face stress: you can choose to change either the situation or your response to it. Even if you’re powerless to change the source of your stress, you have the power to choose how you’ll respond to it. You can choose to learn new techniques to respond in the moment. You can choose to refocus your thinking. Consider some questions when deciding your approach.\\nCan you avoid it? You can sometimes avoid stressors, thereby changing the situation. For example, if you frequently find yourself stressed by your busy schedule, you can examine your agenda for things you could drop. You could also learn to say “no” to requests more frequently, or ask for help.\\nCan you alter it? Some stressors can’t be avoided, but you can alter your approach to them and thus change the situation. For example, you and your romantic partner will have disagreements at some point; this is natural for all relationships, even if you’re the most loving couple in the world. However, these don’t have to be stressful if you alter your approach, such as seeking compromise or expressing your feelings directly instead of using passive aggression.\\nCan you adapt to it? Sometimes you can change your approach or behaviors to reduce stress, even if you can’t change the situation. For example, if you frequently find yourself stressed by rush-hour traffic, you can’t change that: you have to get to work, and rush-hour traffic is a worldwide problem. However, you could alter your approach to this stressor by taking public transit to work, finding a different route home, or leaving a little earlier or later in the day.\\nCan you accept it? Some things you simply cannot change. You cannot change or control others’ feelings, actions, or reactions. You can’t change the fact that it rained on your wedding day, or that your boss is a selfish jerk no matter how hard you try to be a good communicator. However, you can accept these as things beyond your control and let go of your need to control them. You can also view them as learning experiences from which you can grow.\\n3-3. Make a plan\\nSometimes you can resolve a stressful situation right away with one action, but often you’ll need several steps, perhaps over a long period. Write out a plan with attainable goals and a timeline for reaching those goals.\\nAdditionally, many stressful situations are avoidable. If you prepare ahead of time for important events and make contingency plans, you may not have to cope with as much stress later. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.\\n3-4. Be realistic\\nIf you continue to experience stress because no matter how hard you try you can’t take the steps quickly enough, you probably haven’t set realistic goals. In a culture that values a can-do attitude, it can be hard to accept that sometimes you can’t do something, at least not within a given period of time. If that’s the case, revise your timeline or lower your expectations. If you can’t do that, the situation qualifies as one which you can’t control. Learn from your experience, but let it go.\\nIf you find yourself constantly failing to meet someone else's unrealistic standards, read How to Stop Being a People Pleaser and How to Overcome Martyr Syndrome.\\n3-5. Take one step at a time.\\nA complex problem can be overwhelming, even when you’ve got your plan mapped out, but remember: the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Just focus on one small goal at a time.\\nShow yourself patience and kindness as you enact your plans. Remember that personal growth is hard work that does not come quickly. If you encounter setbacks or challenges (and most likely, you will at some point), view them as roadblocks from which you can learn new ways of approaching the situation, rather than “failures.”\\n4. Taking Action\\n4-1. Stop procrastinating\\nProcrastination often results from fear and anxiety, which can stop us dead in our tracks. Often, perfectionism is a culprit. You may get so wrapped up in needing to be “perfect” (which is both highly subjective and always unattainable) that you find yourself unable to actually do what you need to do because you’re worried it won’t turn out as you hope. Fortunately, you can learn some techniques to help you overcome procrastination and the stress it can cause.\\nRemind yourself that you cannot control outcomes, only actions. You might be so stressed about what your professor will think about your essay that you can’t face writing it. Remember that you can control what you do: you can do your best and write your best essay. The rest of it is out of your hands.\\nAcknowledge that “perfection” is an unrealistic standard. No human can attain perfection and our ideas of what “perfect” means are highly variable anyway. Instead, aim for your personal best and avoid making assumptions about yourself based on outcomes. For example, a perfectionist might see a B+ on an essay as a “failure” because it is not a perfect grade. However, someone who is aiming for her personal best could reframe this: she knows she did the best she could and she can be proud of that effort, regardless of what the grade on the essay says.\\nWatch out for “should” statements. These insidious thoughts can encourage you to beat yourself up over things that are out of your control. For example, you might have the thought, “A good student should never make mistakes.” However, that is an unrealistic standard that no one can meet. Instead, try a “can” statement: “I can perform to my best ability and honor my effort, even when I make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes in life.”\\n4-2. Practice mindfulness.\\nYou can’t eliminate all stress from your life, and in fact, you wouldn’t want to. Stress can be a great motivator. It can even be a sign that you’re deeply invested in what you’re doing or about to do. Mindfulness techniques can help you notice when you experience stressful sensations and acknowledge those feelings without judging them. This will help you avoid focusing too much on the stress. Here are a couple of exercises to try:\\nTry the raisin meditation. It may sound a little silly, but this exercise can help you learn to slow down and focus on the present moment. As you interact with your handful of raisins, you will pay careful attention to each element of your experience, acknowledging it to yourself. Try it for 5 minutes a day.\\nBegin with a handful of raisins. Take one between your fingers and hold it. Turn it around, notice its texture, its ridges and valleys. Make a mental note of what the raisin feels like.\\nExamine the raisin visually. Take time to really see the raisin, as though you were an explorer from another world whose first contact with Earth is this remarkable wrinkled thing. Notice its colors, shape, and texture.\\nSmell the raisin. Hold the raisin to your nose and take a few deep breaths. Enjoy any aroma that you smell. Try to describe it to yourself. You may even find that certain raisins smell different than others!\\nPlace the raisin on your tongue. Notice how it feels there. Can you feel the weight? Can you move it around your mouth, exploring how it feels in different places?\\nTaste the raisin by taking a small bite. Notice now how you move your mouth as you chew it. Try to discern what muscles you’re using to chew. Notice how the texture and taste of the raisin respond to your chewing.\\nSwallow the raisin. Try to see if you can follow the raisin as you swallow. What muscles are you using? What does it feel like?\\n\\nTry a self-compassion break. We can get so wrapped up in the daily stresses of our lives that we become accustomed to judging ourselves for them. A quick self-compassion break for just 5 minutes can help you become more mindful of when you are being harsh with yourself.\\nThink of the stressful situation. Notice any sensations of stress in your body, or any emotions you are feeling.\\nRepeat to yourself, “This is a moment of suffering” or “This is stress.” Acknowledging that this is what is happening without judging it will help you become more mindful of your experience.\\nNow repeat, “Stress is a natural part of life” or “Everyone has negative experiences sometimes.” This will help you recognize your common humanity with others. You are not deficient or “bad” for experiencing these things.\\nPlace your hands over your heart or wrap your arms around yourself to give yourself a hug. Repeat to yourself, “May I be kind to myself” or “May I be patient.” You can say whatever seems most relevant to your situation, but keep it phrased positively.\\n\\nThe Greater Good in Action center at Berkeley has a bunch of other evidence-based exercises that you can practice at their website.\\n4-3. Use the RAIN reminder.\\nRAIN is a helpful acronym invented by psychologist Michele McDonald to help you practice a mindfulness approach. It stands for:\\n\\necognize what is going on. Consciously notice and recognize whatever is going on right now, in this moment. This means acknowledging feelings or thoughts that seem negative as well as those that seem positive. For example, “I am feeling very angry and stressed right now.”\\nllow the experience to be there as it is. This means that you acknowledge whatever is going on in your mind and heart without judgment. It’s tempting to judge yourself for seemingly “negative” feelings or reactions or to try and avoid or repress those things. Instead, notice them and acknowledge even the unpleasant thoughts and feelings as valid parts of your experience. For example, “I feel so angry with my partner but also ashamed that I snapped at her.”\\nnvestigate with kindness. This crucial part involves showing yourself and others compassion as you investigate your present moment. Ask yourself what your thoughts and feelings reflect about your beliefs and needs right now. For example, if you are feeling angry with your partner and ashamed that you snapped at her, you might direct harsh judgment toward the both of you: “I’m a bad person for yelling at her. She makes me so mad.” Instead, try to approach both people with kindness: “I yelled at her, and I’m feeling ashamed by that because I love her. I made a mistake that I can acknowledge. My partner said things that made me angry, but I know she also loves me. We can work together to solve this issue.”\\natural awareness arises from not over-personalizing the experience. This means extricating yourself from that tendency to generalize about yourself based on one experience, such as “I’m a bad person” or “I’m a loser.” Your feelings are part of your experience, but they are not you. Allow yourself to acknowledge that you may have negative experiences or feelings without them defining who you are.\\n4-4. Meditate.\\nMeditation is all about being quiet and accepting in the present moment. Meditation can help you feel calm and relaxed even through your day-to-day stresses. In fact, meditation can over time even rewire how your brain responds to stressors!Mindfulness meditation in particular has recently received a lot of scientific support for its benefits. You can do some meditation on your own, take a class, or use an audio guide.\\nBegin by finding a quiet place without distractions or interruptions. Avoid having your TV, computer, or cellphone on. If you can, take at least 15 minutes to meditate (although 30 is even better).\\nClose your eyes and breathe evenly and deeply. Begin by focusing just on your breath. You can gradually expand your focus to include your other sensory experiences.\\nNotice your sensations without judgment. Acknowledge the thoughts you experience as thoughts, even if the thoughts seem negative to you: “I am having the thought right now that this is corny.” Accept the thought as it is, without trying to change or reject it.\\nIf you find yourself getting distracted, bring your thoughts back to noticing your breathing.\\nYou can also find free audio meditations online. MIT and the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center both have online MP3 meditations. You can also find mobile apps such as Calm that can help guide you.\\n4-5. Repeat positive statements.\\nChallenge negative thoughts when they show up by repeating positive affirmations to yourself. You can train your brain to look for the best in you, not the worst, which can help reduce stress levels. Here are some examples:\\n“I can do this.”\\n“I can do my best. That is all I can do. That is enough.”\\n“I am bigger than my problems.”\\n“My mistakes do not define me.”\\n“I am human. We all make errors.”\\n“This is temporary and will pass.”\\n“I can ask for help when I need it.”\\n4-6. Release stress productively.\\nIt can be tempting to handle stress in unproductive ways, such as turning to alcohol or other substances, or taking it out on another person, pet, or inanimate object. Avoid these tendencies and focus on productive ways to express your stress instead.\\nResist the temptation to blow up or lash out when you’re stressed, especially if you’re angry. Expressing your anger through shouting, physical violence, or even breaking or punching things can actually make your anger and stress worse. Try something less harmful, like squeezing a stress ball or doodling.\\nOn the other hand, swearing may actually help you feel better in a stressful or painful situation. Just be mindful of where you do it: obviously, dropping the f-bomb in front of your boss or cussing out your child could hurt not only you but others.\\nCry if you want to. Sometimes, you just need to cry. Doing so productively can actually help you feel better. Make sure to repeat calming, kind statements to yourself as you cry, and allow yourself to feel your feelings.\\nListen to some soothing music. The British Academy of Sound Therapy has put together a playlist of the world’s “most relaxing” music. Listening to some calm, soothing music when you’re stressed can provoke a physiological relaxation response.\\nTake a hot shower or bath. Physical warmth has been shown to have a relaxing effect on many people.\\nTips\\nStress about future events is mostly caused by fear, and stress over things in the present is usually caused by a feeling of powerlessness.\\nYou can talk to someone about your stress but if no one can talk to you, write down the cause of your stress like a meeting you have to attend and put that in your diary!.\\nWrite your thoughts and worries in a diary. This way, you can process them privately and effectively, getting them out of your mind and off your chest.\\nWarnings\\nDon't blame everything on yourself. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, a problem may seem impossible to resolve. Giving up on the subject is not always a bad thing, but giving up on yourself and starting self-abuse methods is counterproductive.\\nDon’t self-medicate. Alcohol and drugs may provide a temporary escape, but your problems will be waiting for you when you get back to reality. Besides, do you want an addiction problem in your life, too? You yourself may not care about it, or even be aware of it, but it will affect the people who love you as well as yourself.\\nInappropriate reactions to stress or an inability to cope with stress can shave years off of your life. It's true that not everything is possible, but it's impossible for anything to change if it needs your attention and you just sit there and slack off. Hard work is an achievement in itself.\\nGetting in the habit of hitting things while angry might make you a violent or aggressive person. It's better to diffuse your anger than to try to take it out on other people or things. Never hit a person or other living thing, and make sure that any inanimate object you hit won’t hurt you.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"The clock is ticking. Everyone's counting on you. Which wire should you cut? While most of us never have to deal with the life-or-death dilemmas of a bomb squad, everyday situations such as job interviews, public speaking, and family emergencies can be every bit as stressful if we are not accustomed to dealing with them. Learning how to remain calm in times of stress will not only have immediate soothing effects; it can also, over time, help you lead a healthier, happier life.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Calming Down In the Moment\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Stop what you’re doing.\", \"描述\": \"One of the best ways to calm down if you’re already feeling stressed is to stop interacting with the stressor, if possible. Sometimes, even taking a few seconds before you head back into the situation can be enough to help you cool down.\\nTry counting to ten, or taking 3-5 deep breaths before you reply in a heated conversation or situation.\\nTake a break. For example, if an argument with your spouse is getting heated, stop and excuse yourself for a moment by saying something like, “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed right now. I need to take a 15-minute break before we continue discussing this.” Go to a different place, focus on breathing deeply, and recite a calming mantra, such as “I can handle this calmly. I can do this.”\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Focus on your senses.\", \"描述\": \"When we’re stressed, sometimes our bodies interpret the stress as an attack and kick us into “fight or flight mode.” This stimulates the release of hormones like adrenaline, which constrict your blood vessels, make your breathing rapid and shallow, and boost your heart rate. Over time, this panic response can become a habit for your brain in what’s known as “automatic reactivity.”\\nSlowing down and focusing on the individual physical responses you’re experiencing can help you learn to identify what it feels like when you’re stressed to the max. Studies also show that this conscious process of noticing what’s going on in your body can help retrain your brain’s automatic habits.\\nNotice each thing that is going on in your body but try to avoid judging it. For example, if you’re worried about doing well on a final exam that’s in just a few minutes, you might notice to yourself, “My face feels hot and flushed. My heart is beating very fast. My palms feel sweaty. I feel nauseated.” Try to keep your noticing these things as neutral as possible.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Take some deep breaths.\", \"描述\": \"When your body enters “fight or flight mode,” your sympathetic nervous system can seriously mess with your breathing. You may find it difficult to breathe when you’re stressed, but it’s important to focus on taking some long, even breaths. This will restore oxygen to your body and decrease lactate in your bloodstream, making you feel calm and relaxed.\\nYou’ll probably notice that when you’re stressed or upset, your breathing seems to come from the very top of your chest, even your throat. Aim to breathe from your diaphragm instead. Place one hand on your lower abdomen just below your ribs and one on your chest.\\nInhale slowly through your nose. Aim to breathe in for a 4-count if you can. You should feel your belly expand along with your chest as you inhale: this is diaphragmatic breathing.\\nHold your breath for 1-2 seconds. Then, slowly exhale through your nose or mouth. Aim to exhale for a 4-count if you can. Repeat this process 6-10 times per minute for a few minutes.\\nYou may also find it helpful to recite a mantra while you breathe, or count your breaths to keep yourself from getting distracted. A mantra may be a syllable, such as \\\"ohm,\\\" or it may be a phrase, such as \\\"breathing into my body [while inhaling], breathing out release [while exhaling].\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Try to relax your muscles.\", \"描述\": \"When you’re stressed, you may unconsciously tighten and tense your muscles, which can make you feel even more stressed and “wound up.” Using progressive muscle relaxation, or PMR, can help release that tension and get you feeling more calm and relaxed. PMR focuses on consciously tensing and then releasing muscles in groups.\\nThere are several free guided PMR routines online. Berkeley has a script you can follow along with. MIT has a free 11-minute audio guide to doing PMR.\\nFind a quiet, comfortable place if you can. If this is not possible, you can still do some PMR techniques.\\nLoosen tight clothing if possible. Sit comfortably or lie down (although lying down may relax you so much that you fall asleep!). Breathe evenly as you do your PMR groups.\\nBegin with the muscles in your face, as many people carry stress in their face, neck, and shoulder area. Start by opening your eyes as wide as they will go for 5 seconds, then release the tension. Squeeze your eyes shut tightly for 5 seconds, then release the tension. Give yourself 10 seconds to notice how these areas feel.\\nMove to the next group. Purse your lips tightly for 5 seconds, then release. Smile as wide as you can for 5 seconds, then release. Again, let yourself enjoy the sensation of relaxation for 10 seconds before moving on.\\nContinue to tense muscle groups for 5 seconds and then release the tension. Give yourself a 10-second relaxation break between groups.\\nProgress through the rest of your muscle groups (if time allows): neck, shoulders, arms, chest, stomach, buttocks, thighs, lower legs, feet, and toes.\\nIf you don't have time for a full PMR release, try to do it with just your facial muscles. You can also try a quick hand massage, since we often carry a lot of tension in our hands.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Get some exercise.\", \"描述\": \"Exercise is a natural mood booster because it releases endorphins, natural chemicals that make you feel calm and happy. Several studies have demonstrated that exercising regularly can make you feel calmer and happier overall. Whether you go for a run, do calisthenics, do yoga, or lift weights, 30 minutes of physical exercise every day can help you relax.\\nExercise may also have a preventive effect. Studies have shown that getting some aerobic exercise before an experience that may be stressful can actually help you keep calm during that experience.\\nTry exercises such as yoga and tai chi. Their focus on deep breathing, meditation, and gentle physical movement can really help soothe you.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Identifying the Source(s) of Stress\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Recognize what stress looks like for you.\", \"描述\": \"You may exhibit a variety of signs when you’re feeling stressed or anxious. Knowing what to look for will help keep stress from sneaking up on you unawares. Everyone experiences and responds to stress differently, but there are some common symptoms you can look for: \\nPsychological signs can include: trouble concentrating, difficulty with your memory, being distracted easily, feeling less creative or decisive, worrying, or frequent negative thinking.\\nEmotional signs can include teariness, irritability, mood swings, unusual feelings for you, defensiveness, feeling a lack of motivation or the desire to procrastinate, low confidence or low self-esteem, frustration, feeling nervous or jittery, uncharacteristic aggression or anger.\\nPhysical signs can include: aches and pains, a lowered immune system, weight or sleep changes, panic attacks, exhaustion or fatigue, and change of sex drive.\\nBehavioral signs can include: forgetfulness, self-neglect, social withdrawal, trouble sleeping, relationship trouble, impaired time-management and self-motivation, and using substances such as alcohol, nicotine, or drugs to help cope.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Identify the cause of your stress.\", \"描述\": \"Is your heart pounding because that person just cut you off on the freeway, or is it because of that presentation you have to give to your boss this afternoon? Think for a moment and try to figure out what’s really bothering you. If it helps, you can write various things down on a piece of paper and then rank them. Common sources of stress include:\\nFamily. Conflicts with parents, loved ones, or your romantic partner can really stress you out.\\nSchool or work. You may feel pressure to perform, meet deadlines, or achieve certain tasks. You may also feel stressed about balancing work and your personal life, or about making major decisions.\\nPersonal. These sources can be intense. You may worry about feeling “good enough.” You may be stressed over your relationships, or you may have problems with your health or finances that stress you out. You may also be bored or lonely, or have limited relaxation and self-care time.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Acknowledge your role.\", \"描述\": \"It may be that stress has become so integral to how you envision yourself that you don’t even recognize how tied up you have become. Take a step back and consider how you think about stress.\\nDo you frequently feel stressed out even if the stress always seems temporary? For example, you might say something like “It’s just really crazy at work this week” to explain your stress. However, if you are often feeling this stress, this suggests it is more than a temporary “bump” that’s causing it.\\nDo you feel like stress is part of your identity or a “normal” part of your life? For example, perhaps you think, “My family is full of worriers. That’s just how we are” or “I just live a stressful life, that’s all.” This type of thinking can make it seem like there’s nothing you can do to manage your stress.\\nDo you feel like your stress is others’ fault or responsibility? For example, you might blame the stress about a college essay on the teacher’s strict standards, rather than your procrastination. This can keep you from taking action to reduce your stress by changing your own behavior.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Determine if you’re stressing about something that is in the past.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes, we can get caught up in obsessing over the past to the point that it stresses us out in the present. You can’t change the past, but you can respond to the present and prepare for the future.\\nConstantly rehashing something that happened in the past can be a sign of rumination, an unhealthy thinking habit where you repeat a “broken record loop” of negative ideas. This can cause anxiety and depression. It is also unproductive because ruminating doesn’t teach you anything about the past experience or help you problem-solve for the future.\\nInstead, if you catch yourself stressing about something that has already happened, take a moment to remind yourself that you cannot change the past. However, you can learn and grow from it, and you can use its lessons to do better in the future. For example, if you find yourself thinking, “Why do my partners always break up with me? I’m just a loser,” this is unhelpful and it could definitely cause you stress.\\nTry thinking about your past in a more productive way. For example, you could examine your past relationships for trends, such as the type of person you generally date, your communication styles, or events that surrounded each breakup. You may find patterns that help you understand what’s going on and make new plans for future relationships. You also avoid essentializing yourself, which will help you feel motivated to make any changes you need.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Determine whether you’re stressed about the future.\", \"描述\": \"We all worry about our futures at some point. However, we can get so wrapped up in anticipating the future that we stress out and forget to live in the present. This type of thinking isn’t helpful, but you can learn to change it. Remember: the future isn’t set.\\nA common type of worry about the future is “catastrophizing,” where you predict the worst possible scenario for any event, even minor ones. For example, if you’re feeling stressed about an upcoming exam, catastrophizing could look like this: “If I don’t make a good grade on that test, I’m going to fail the course. I could even fail the semester. If I fail the semester I will lose my scholarship and I won’t be able to go to college anymore. I’ll end up with no money and no job and I’ll have to live under a bridge in a box.” Obviously, this is an extreme example, but it illustrates the kind of thinking that can happen.\\nOne way to challenge this is to imagine the absolute worst thing that could actually happen. For example, in the above scenario, the worst thing might be that you do indeed fail out of that college and have to move back in with mom and dad. Then, consider whether you could handle it. Chances are almost always yes. Finally, consider the real likelihood that this will occur. In this case, it’s pretty slim: a failed test does not equal failing a class, which does not equal failing out of college, etc.\\nYou can also challenge catastrophizing by stopping yourself at each “conclusion” and finding logical evidence and counterpoints for it. For example, if you fail the exam, you might fail the course -- or you might be able to retake the exam, or bring up your grade for extra credit.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Making a Plan\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Practice relaxation\", \"描述\": \"You should always try to make plans and decisions when you’re calm and relaxed. If you’re feeling stressed or angry, that could impair your judgment and lead you to make rash or unhelpful decisions.\\n\\nInhale deeply through your nose. In your mind, count to five seconds, and then exhale slowly through your mouth, for another five seconds. Repeat this breathing pattern until you feel comfortable with it.\\nThink about something else. Get your mind off the stress by thinking about something that makes you happy, such as your kids or spouse (provided they’re not the cause of the current stress), or by concentrating on the things you have planned for the day.\\nVisualize relaxing things, such as a deserted island or a country road. Close your eyes and try to picture even minor details about the imaginary place, and you can put yourself in that situation instead of the one you’re in.\\nGet away from the cause of the stress. If you can physically escape the stress trigger, do so. Leave the room or pull off the road for a moment to put things in perspective.\\nAcknowledge that anxiety is not always bad. Sometimes, anxiety or stress can be a clue that you’re considering a significant or even unhelpful decision. For example, you might feel stressed about selling all of your belongings, buying a school bus, and living a nomadic life in the desert. This is obviously a big decision, and whether or not it’s a good fit for you is something you need to consider seriously. Anxiety is your warning sign here to slow down and think carefully.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Choose your response.\", \"描述\": \"In general, you have two responses when you face stress: you can choose to change either the situation or your response to it. Even if you’re powerless to change the source of your stress, you have the power to choose how you’ll respond to it. You can choose to learn new techniques to respond in the moment. You can choose to refocus your thinking. Consider some questions when deciding your approach.\\nCan you avoid it? You can sometimes avoid stressors, thereby changing the situation. For example, if you frequently find yourself stressed by your busy schedule, you can examine your agenda for things you could drop. You could also learn to say “no” to requests more frequently, or ask for help.\\nCan you alter it? Some stressors can’t be avoided, but you can alter your approach to them and thus change the situation. For example, you and your romantic partner will have disagreements at some point; this is natural for all relationships, even if you’re the most loving couple in the world. However, these don’t have to be stressful if you alter your approach, such as seeking compromise or expressing your feelings directly instead of using passive aggression.\\nCan you adapt to it? Sometimes you can change your approach or behaviors to reduce stress, even if you can’t change the situation. For example, if you frequently find yourself stressed by rush-hour traffic, you can’t change that: you have to get to work, and rush-hour traffic is a worldwide problem. However, you could alter your approach to this stressor by taking public transit to work, finding a different route home, or leaving a little earlier or later in the day.\\nCan you accept it? Some things you simply cannot change. You cannot change or control others’ feelings, actions, or reactions. You can’t change the fact that it rained on your wedding day, or that your boss is a selfish jerk no matter how hard you try to be a good communicator. However, you can accept these as things beyond your control and let go of your need to control them. You can also view them as learning experiences from which you can grow.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Make a plan\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes you can resolve a stressful situation right away with one action, but often you’ll need several steps, perhaps over a long period. Write out a plan with attainable goals and a timeline for reaching those goals.\\nAdditionally, many stressful situations are avoidable. If you prepare ahead of time for important events and make contingency plans, you may not have to cope with as much stress later. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be realistic\", \"描述\": \"If you continue to experience stress because no matter how hard you try you can’t take the steps quickly enough, you probably haven’t set realistic goals. In a culture that values a can-do attitude, it can be hard to accept that sometimes you can’t do something, at least not within a given period of time. If that’s the case, revise your timeline or lower your expectations. If you can’t do that, the situation qualifies as one which you can’t control. Learn from your experience, but let it go.\\nIf you find yourself constantly failing to meet someone else's unrealistic standards, read How to Stop Being a People Pleaser and How to Overcome Martyr Syndrome.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Take one step at a time.\", \"描述\": \"A complex problem can be overwhelming, even when you’ve got your plan mapped out, but remember: the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Just focus on one small goal at a time.\\nShow yourself patience and kindness as you enact your plans. Remember that personal growth is hard work that does not come quickly. If you encounter setbacks or challenges (and most likely, you will at some point), view them as roadblocks from which you can learn new ways of approaching the situation, rather than “failures.”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Taking Action\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Stop procrastinating\", \"描述\": \"Procrastination often results from fear and anxiety, which can stop us dead in our tracks. Often, perfectionism is a culprit. You may get so wrapped up in needing to be “perfect” (which is both highly subjective and always unattainable) that you find yourself unable to actually do what you need to do because you’re worried it won’t turn out as you hope. Fortunately, you can learn some techniques to help you overcome procrastination and the stress it can cause.\\nRemind yourself that you cannot control outcomes, only actions. You might be so stressed about what your professor will think about your essay that you can’t face writing it. Remember that you can control what you do: you can do your best and write your best essay. The rest of it is out of your hands.\\nAcknowledge that “perfection” is an unrealistic standard. No human can attain perfection and our ideas of what “perfect” means are highly variable anyway. Instead, aim for your personal best and avoid making assumptions about yourself based on outcomes. For example, a perfectionist might see a B+ on an essay as a “failure” because it is not a perfect grade. However, someone who is aiming for her personal best could reframe this: she knows she did the best she could and she can be proud of that effort, regardless of what the grade on the essay says.\\nWatch out for “should” statements. These insidious thoughts can encourage you to beat yourself up over things that are out of your control. For example, you might have the thought, “A good student should never make mistakes.” However, that is an unrealistic standard that no one can meet. Instead, try a “can” statement: “I can perform to my best ability and honor my effort, even when I make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes in life.”\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Practice mindfulness.\", \"描述\": \"You can’t eliminate all stress from your life, and in fact, you wouldn’t want to. Stress can be a great motivator. It can even be a sign that you’re deeply invested in what you’re doing or about to do. Mindfulness techniques can help you notice when you experience stressful sensations and acknowledge those feelings without judging them. This will help you avoid focusing too much on the stress. Here are a couple of exercises to try:\\nTry the raisin meditation. It may sound a little silly, but this exercise can help you learn to slow down and focus on the present moment. As you interact with your handful of raisins, you will pay careful attention to each element of your experience, acknowledging it to yourself. Try it for 5 minutes a day.\\nBegin with a handful of raisins. Take one between your fingers and hold it. Turn it around, notice its texture, its ridges and valleys. Make a mental note of what the raisin feels like.\\nExamine the raisin visually. Take time to really see the raisin, as though you were an explorer from another world whose first contact with Earth is this remarkable wrinkled thing. Notice its colors, shape, and texture.\\nSmell the raisin. Hold the raisin to your nose and take a few deep breaths. Enjoy any aroma that you smell. Try to describe it to yourself. You may even find that certain raisins smell different than others!\\nPlace the raisin on your tongue. Notice how it feels there. Can you feel the weight? Can you move it around your mouth, exploring how it feels in different places?\\nTaste the raisin by taking a small bite. Notice now how you move your mouth as you chew it. Try to discern what muscles you’re using to chew. Notice how the texture and taste of the raisin respond to your chewing.\\nSwallow the raisin. Try to see if you can follow the raisin as you swallow. What muscles are you using? What does it feel like?\\n\\nTry a self-compassion break. We can get so wrapped up in the daily stresses of our lives that we become accustomed to judging ourselves for them. A quick self-compassion break for just 5 minutes can help you become more mindful of when you are being harsh with yourself.\\nThink of the stressful situation. Notice any sensations of stress in your body, or any emotions you are feeling.\\nRepeat to yourself, “This is a moment of suffering” or “This is stress.” Acknowledging that this is what is happening without judging it will help you become more mindful of your experience.\\nNow repeat, “Stress is a natural part of life” or “Everyone has negative experiences sometimes.” This will help you recognize your common humanity with others. You are not deficient or “bad” for experiencing these things.\\nPlace your hands over your heart or wrap your arms around yourself to give yourself a hug. Repeat to yourself, “May I be kind to myself” or “May I be patient.” You can say whatever seems most relevant to your situation, but keep it phrased positively.\\n\\nThe Greater Good in Action center at Berkeley has a bunch of other evidence-based exercises that you can practice at their website.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Use the RAIN reminder.\", \"描述\": \"RAIN is a helpful acronym invented by psychologist Michele McDonald to help you practice a mindfulness approach. It stands for:\\n\\necognize what is going on. Consciously notice and recognize whatever is going on right now, in this moment. This means acknowledging feelings or thoughts that seem negative as well as those that seem positive. For example, “I am feeling very angry and stressed right now.”\\nllow the experience to be there as it is. This means that you acknowledge whatever is going on in your mind and heart without judgment. It’s tempting to judge yourself for seemingly “negative” feelings or reactions or to try and avoid or repress those things. Instead, notice them and acknowledge even the unpleasant thoughts and feelings as valid parts of your experience. For example, “I feel so angry with my partner but also ashamed that I snapped at her.”\\nnvestigate with kindness. This crucial part involves showing yourself and others compassion as you investigate your present moment. Ask yourself what your thoughts and feelings reflect about your beliefs and needs right now. For example, if you are feeling angry with your partner and ashamed that you snapped at her, you might direct harsh judgment toward the both of you: “I’m a bad person for yelling at her. She makes me so mad.” Instead, try to approach both people with kindness: “I yelled at her, and I’m feeling ashamed by that because I love her. I made a mistake that I can acknowledge. My partner said things that made me angry, but I know she also loves me. We can work together to solve this issue.”\\natural awareness arises from not over-personalizing the experience. This means extricating yourself from that tendency to generalize about yourself based on one experience, such as “I’m a bad person” or “I’m a loser.” Your feelings are part of your experience, but they are not you. Allow yourself to acknowledge that you may have negative experiences or feelings without them defining who you are.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Meditate.\", \"描述\": \"Meditation is all about being quiet and accepting in the present moment. Meditation can help you feel calm and relaxed even through your day-to-day stresses. In fact, meditation can over time even rewire how your brain responds to stressors!Mindfulness meditation in particular has recently received a lot of scientific support for its benefits. You can do some meditation on your own, take a class, or use an audio guide.\\nBegin by finding a quiet place without distractions or interruptions. Avoid having your TV, computer, or cellphone on. If you can, take at least 15 minutes to meditate (although 30 is even better).\\nClose your eyes and breathe evenly and deeply. Begin by focusing just on your breath. You can gradually expand your focus to include your other sensory experiences.\\nNotice your sensations without judgment. Acknowledge the thoughts you experience as thoughts, even if the thoughts seem negative to you: “I am having the thought right now that this is corny.” Accept the thought as it is, without trying to change or reject it.\\nIf you find yourself getting distracted, bring your thoughts back to noticing your breathing.\\nYou can also find free audio meditations online. MIT and the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center both have online MP3 meditations. You can also find mobile apps such as Calm that can help guide you.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Repeat positive statements.\", \"描述\": \"Challenge negative thoughts when they show up by repeating positive affirmations to yourself. You can train your brain to look for the best in you, not the worst, which can help reduce stress levels. Here are some examples:\\n“I can do this.”\\n“I can do my best. That is all I can do. That is enough.”\\n“I am bigger than my problems.”\\n“My mistakes do not define me.”\\n“I am human. We all make errors.”\\n“This is temporary and will pass.”\\n“I can ask for help when I need it.”\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Release stress productively.\", \"描述\": \"It can be tempting to handle stress in unproductive ways, such as turning to alcohol or other substances, or taking it out on another person, pet, or inanimate object. Avoid these tendencies and focus on productive ways to express your stress instead.\\nResist the temptation to blow up or lash out when you’re stressed, especially if you’re angry. Expressing your anger through shouting, physical violence, or even breaking or punching things can actually make your anger and stress worse. Try something less harmful, like squeezing a stress ball or doodling.\\nOn the other hand, swearing may actually help you feel better in a stressful or painful situation. Just be mindful of where you do it: obviously, dropping the f-bomb in front of your boss or cussing out your child could hurt not only you but others.\\nCry if you want to. Sometimes, you just need to cry. Doing so productively can actually help you feel better. Make sure to repeat calming, kind statements to yourself as you cry, and allow yourself to feel your feelings.\\nListen to some soothing music. The British Academy of Sound Therapy has put together a playlist of the world’s “most relaxing” music. Listening to some calm, soothing music when you’re stressed can provoke a physiological relaxation response.\\nTake a hot shower or bath. Physical warmth has been shown to have a relaxing effect on many people.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Stress about future events is mostly caused by fear, and stress over things in the present is usually caused by a feeling of powerlessness.\\n\", \"You can talk to someone about your stress but if no one can talk to you, write down the cause of your stress like a meeting you have to attend and put that in your diary!.\\n\", \"Write your thoughts and worries in a diary. This way, you can process them privately and effectively, getting them out of your mind and off your chest.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Don't blame everything on yourself. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, a problem may seem impossible to resolve. Giving up on the subject is not always a bad thing, but giving up on yourself and starting self-abuse methods is counterproductive.\\n\", \"Don’t self-medicate. Alcohol and drugs may provide a temporary escape, but your problems will be waiting for you when you get back to reality. Besides, do you want an addiction problem in your life, too? You yourself may not care about it, or even be aware of it, but it will affect the people who love you as well as yourself.\\n\", \"Inappropriate reactions to stress or an inability to cope with stress can shave years off of your life. It's true that not everything is possible, but it's impossible for anything to change if it needs your attention and you just sit there and slack off. Hard work is an achievement in itself.\\n\", \"Getting in the habit of hitting things while angry might make you a violent or aggressive person. It's better to diffuse your anger than to try to take it out on other people or things. Never hit a person or other living thing, and make sure that any inanimate object you hit won’t hurt you.\\n\"]}]}}",
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3,588 | How to Be Calm on a First Date | 1. Changing Your Attitude
1-1. Get into a positive mindset before the date.
Going into a date feeling negative or too stressed won’t make for a good date. To help combat this negativity, try to get yourself into a positive mood before going on the date. Do something before your date that makes you happy and boosts your mood.
For example, you can put on your favorite music that makes you feel attractive or happy, dance around your house, or put on your favorite outfit.
Focus on your positive qualities. Look in the mirror and give yourself a few compliments. List a few positive qualities about yourself.
1-2. Avoid dwelling on the anxiety.
Everyone gets nervous on a first date. It’s completely normal. That means you shouldn’t obsess about your anxiety. You’re not going to ruin the date, and you can’t know if the date is going to be a disaster or not. Think about how often you feel anxiety and everything turns out perfectly fine.
Instead of the anxiety, think about how it’s exciting to be going out on a date and meeting someone new, even if it doesn’t turn into a love connection.
1-3. Be confident
Going on a date is a mutual decision, which means the other person wants to go on a date with you. This should give you a bit of confidence to help combat your nerves. Try to find ways to boost your confidence as you prepare for your date so you can be your best self.
You can work on looking confident. Keep your head held high, have good posture, make eye contact, and smile. By acting confident, you'll actually feel more confident.
Focus on your good qualities. It may be a physical attribute or a character trait. Remember, the person wanted to go out with you for a reason, so don't doubt that you deserve to enjoy your date.
1-4. Avoid having unrealistic expectations.
If every date went perfectly, people wouldn’t need to date multiple people or feel anxiety. The reality is that some first dates are awkward, bad, or boring. That’s normal. Don’t let everything ride on this one date, and it may help lessen your anxiety.
Just because your first date isn’t perfect doesn’t mean there isn’t a chance for a second date. Sometimes, it takes a few dates to start connecting well. Don’t get upset if the date isn’t going perfectly. Very few first dates do.
2. Planning for a Low-Stress Date
2-1. Come up with a few topics of conversation
If you’re afraid your mind is going to go blank in the middle of your date, you may want to come up some things you can talk about. What do you both have in common? What are you excited about or interested in? Having a few ideas in mind can help calm you down.
For example, if you know that you both like cooking, travelling, or being outside, think of a few questions or stories you can tell dealing with those topics.
2-2. Pick a date location that makes you feel comfortable.
Though you may want to do something fun on your date, you shouldn’t do something new that will make you even more uncomfortable. You want to go to a place you're somewhat familiar and comfortable with. Even if it's not some place you've gone often, if it's in an area you know, that's enough to help calm you down.
For example, if you never go to fancy restaurants or the ballet, don't choose it as a first date location.
2-3. Choose a fun activity.
Dates should be fun. Sure, everyone goes to dinner and a movie, and that may be enjoyable for you. However, you can help calm your first date jitters by doing something you know will be fun. Try something you'd never think of as a first date. It may help both of you break the ice.
For example, you can go window or regular shopping, work out together, go to a bookstore or music stores and look around, go hiking, or go to a museum.
Choose an activity both of you can enjoy and are interested in, if you know what the other person likes. If you don't know what the other person likes, try to ask them. Often, doing these things help you show off your personality the most.
2-4. Dress comfortably.
Though you want to look nice and dress to impress, don’t wear clothes you feel uncomfortable in. You won't feel like yourself. You'll be uneasy, and your date will be able to tell. Choosing a casual or nice outfit is best. Think about where you are going on your date and dress accordingly.
For example, if you never wear dresses and heels or a suit and tie, don't do it on a first date. If you wear clothes you can’t breathe in or shoes you can’t walk in, you may start tripping or have trouble breathing.
3. Enjoying the Date
3-1. Stay in the moment.
One way that people give into their anxiety is getting trapped in their heads and thinking about worst-case scenarios or situations that are not real. Be present on your date by staying in the moment. Staying in the moment can help keep you focused on the person in front of you, which can help you stay calm.
Tell yourself, "I'm going to enjoy this moment and not listen to my thoughts." Thoughts are not reality, and they keep you away from the moment. Pushing your thoughts aside can help you enjoy your date.
Focus on what is going on around you. Don't think, "My date doesn't like me." Instead, pay attention to your date and interact with them. They probably like you quite a bit since they agreed to go on the date in the first place.
3-2. Remind yourself that you like your date.
Don’t forget that your date likes you, too. They agreed to go on a date with you, so that means you both already have some kind of mutual attraction. Consider why you like this person. Are they physically attractive? Or do you think they have a nice personality?
It doesn't matter why you like them. Remember that going out with the person you like is an exciting and happy moment.
3-3. Think of them as a friend.
If you look at your date as someone you don't know well, you may get nervous and won't be able to just be yourself. Talk to your date as you would a friend. Playfully tease them as you might your friends, tell silly stories, and don't be afraid to show off your wonderful personality.
Treating them as someone you want to be around, and who wants to be around you, can help you feel more at ease. Not focusing on the romantic pressure can also help you act more natural.
3-4. Remember your date is also nervous.
Almost everyone who goes on a first date is nervous. That means you’re not the only one nervous on this date. Sometimes, reminding yourself that the other person is just as nervous can help calm you down and help you enjoy yourself.
3-5. Encourage your date to talk.
Some people think that they need to fill up every silence because silences make them nervous. They may also think that silences mean awkwardness and that the date isn’t going well. Two people who don’t know each other that well are going to naturally experience a few silences, so don’t get freaked out by them. Instead, give your date an opportunity to talk.
If your date isn’t doing much talking, ask them a question. The question can build off something you know they’re interested in or something you were talking about earlier.
3-6. Avoid jumping to the wrong conclusion.
You may start getting stressed out because you think that your date doesn’t like you. Because you’re nervous, you may come up with worst case scenarios in your head. Making up scenarios just causes more stress, and many times, it’s not even true. Try to stay calm by not jumping to conclusions.
You can’t read your date’s mind. Remember, they agreed to go on the date with you and a few awkward moments doesn’t mean the date is going badly. Just enjoy the date and keep the made up scenarios to a minimum.
3-7. Try deep breathing exercises.
Taking deep breaths can have a calming effect on your body. Before and during your date, you can try some deep breathing exercises to calm down so you can enjoy yourself.
Take a deep breath through your nose and hold for a count of five or six. Then breathe out through your mouth for a count of around seven. Try to repeat 10 times.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:25",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Changing Your Attitude\\n1-1. Get into a positive mindset before the date.\\nGoing into a date feeling negative or too stressed won’t make for a good date. To help combat this negativity, try to get yourself into a positive mood before going on the date. Do something before your date that makes you happy and boosts your mood.\\nFor example, you can put on your favorite music that makes you feel attractive or happy, dance around your house, or put on your favorite outfit.\\nFocus on your positive qualities. Look in the mirror and give yourself a few compliments. List a few positive qualities about yourself.\\n1-2. Avoid dwelling on the anxiety.\\nEveryone gets nervous on a first date. It’s completely normal. That means you shouldn’t obsess about your anxiety. You’re not going to ruin the date, and you can’t know if the date is going to be a disaster or not. Think about how often you feel anxiety and everything turns out perfectly fine.\\nInstead of the anxiety, think about how it’s exciting to be going out on a date and meeting someone new, even if it doesn’t turn into a love connection.\\n1-3. Be confident\\nGoing on a date is a mutual decision, which means the other person wants to go on a date with you. This should give you a bit of confidence to help combat your nerves. Try to find ways to boost your confidence as you prepare for your date so you can be your best self.\\nYou can work on looking confident. Keep your head held high, have good posture, make eye contact, and smile. By acting confident, you'll actually feel more confident.\\nFocus on your good qualities. It may be a physical attribute or a character trait. Remember, the person wanted to go out with you for a reason, so don't doubt that you deserve to enjoy your date.\\n1-4. Avoid having unrealistic expectations.\\nIf every date went perfectly, people wouldn’t need to date multiple people or feel anxiety. The reality is that some first dates are awkward, bad, or boring. That’s normal. Don’t let everything ride on this one date, and it may help lessen your anxiety.\\nJust because your first date isn’t perfect doesn’t mean there isn’t a chance for a second date. Sometimes, it takes a few dates to start connecting well. Don’t get upset if the date isn’t going perfectly. Very few first dates do.\\n2. Planning for a Low-Stress Date\\n2-1. Come up with a few topics of conversation\\nIf you’re afraid your mind is going to go blank in the middle of your date, you may want to come up some things you can talk about. What do you both have in common? What are you excited about or interested in? Having a few ideas in mind can help calm you down.\\nFor example, if you know that you both like cooking, travelling, or being outside, think of a few questions or stories you can tell dealing with those topics.\\n2-2. Pick a date location that makes you feel comfortable.\\nThough you may want to do something fun on your date, you shouldn’t do something new that will make you even more uncomfortable. You want to go to a place you're somewhat familiar and comfortable with. Even if it's not some place you've gone often, if it's in an area you know, that's enough to help calm you down.\\nFor example, if you never go to fancy restaurants or the ballet, don't choose it as a first date location.\\n2-3. Choose a fun activity.\\nDates should be fun. Sure, everyone goes to dinner and a movie, and that may be enjoyable for you. However, you can help calm your first date jitters by doing something you know will be fun. Try something you'd never think of as a first date. It may help both of you break the ice. \\nFor example, you can go window or regular shopping, work out together, go to a bookstore or music stores and look around, go hiking, or go to a museum.\\nChoose an activity both of you can enjoy and are interested in, if you know what the other person likes. If you don't know what the other person likes, try to ask them. Often, doing these things help you show off your personality the most.\\n2-4. Dress comfortably.\\nThough you want to look nice and dress to impress, don’t wear clothes you feel uncomfortable in. You won't feel like yourself. You'll be uneasy, and your date will be able to tell. Choosing a casual or nice outfit is best. Think about where you are going on your date and dress accordingly.\\nFor example, if you never wear dresses and heels or a suit and tie, don't do it on a first date. If you wear clothes you can’t breathe in or shoes you can’t walk in, you may start tripping or have trouble breathing.\\n3. Enjoying the Date\\n3-1. Stay in the moment.\\nOne way that people give into their anxiety is getting trapped in their heads and thinking about worst-case scenarios or situations that are not real. Be present on your date by staying in the moment. Staying in the moment can help keep you focused on the person in front of you, which can help you stay calm.\\nTell yourself, \\\"I'm going to enjoy this moment and not listen to my thoughts.\\\" Thoughts are not reality, and they keep you away from the moment. Pushing your thoughts aside can help you enjoy your date.\\nFocus on what is going on around you. Don't think, \\\"My date doesn't like me.\\\" Instead, pay attention to your date and interact with them. They probably like you quite a bit since they agreed to go on the date in the first place.\\n3-2. Remind yourself that you like your date.\\nDon’t forget that your date likes you, too. They agreed to go on a date with you, so that means you both already have some kind of mutual attraction. Consider why you like this person. Are they physically attractive? Or do you think they have a nice personality?\\nIt doesn't matter why you like them. Remember that going out with the person you like is an exciting and happy moment.\\n3-3. Think of them as a friend.\\nIf you look at your date as someone you don't know well, you may get nervous and won't be able to just be yourself. Talk to your date as you would a friend. Playfully tease them as you might your friends, tell silly stories, and don't be afraid to show off your wonderful personality.\\nTreating them as someone you want to be around, and who wants to be around you, can help you feel more at ease. Not focusing on the romantic pressure can also help you act more natural.\\n3-4. Remember your date is also nervous.\\nAlmost everyone who goes on a first date is nervous. That means you’re not the only one nervous on this date. Sometimes, reminding yourself that the other person is just as nervous can help calm you down and help you enjoy yourself.\\n3-5. Encourage your date to talk.\\nSome people think that they need to fill up every silence because silences make them nervous. They may also think that silences mean awkwardness and that the date isn’t going well. Two people who don’t know each other that well are going to naturally experience a few silences, so don’t get freaked out by them. Instead, give your date an opportunity to talk.\\nIf your date isn’t doing much talking, ask them a question. The question can build off something you know they’re interested in or something you were talking about earlier.\\n3-6. Avoid jumping to the wrong conclusion.\\nYou may start getting stressed out because you think that your date doesn’t like you. Because you’re nervous, you may come up with worst case scenarios in your head. Making up scenarios just causes more stress, and many times, it’s not even true. Try to stay calm by not jumping to conclusions.\\nYou can’t read your date’s mind. Remember, they agreed to go on the date with you and a few awkward moments doesn’t mean the date is going badly. Just enjoy the date and keep the made up scenarios to a minimum.\\n3-7. Try deep breathing exercises.\\nTaking deep breaths can have a calming effect on your body. Before and during your date, you can try some deep breathing exercises to calm down so you can enjoy yourself.\\nTake a deep breath through your nose and hold for a count of five or six. Then breathe out through your mouth for a count of around seven. Try to repeat 10 times.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"The thought of a first date can be very stressful. You may be socially anxious, think that you’re a bad conversationalist, or don’t understand why anyone would want to date you. These thoughts can cause major anxiety on a date. Staying calm on a date is possible if you get into a positive mindset, have some conversation topics ready, and remember the person is probably just as nervous as you are.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Changing Your Attitude\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Get into a positive mindset before the date.\", \"描述\": \"Going into a date feeling negative or too stressed won’t make for a good date. To help combat this negativity, try to get yourself into a positive mood before going on the date. Do something before your date that makes you happy and boosts your mood.\\nFor example, you can put on your favorite music that makes you feel attractive or happy, dance around your house, or put on your favorite outfit.\\nFocus on your positive qualities. Look in the mirror and give yourself a few compliments. List a few positive qualities about yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Avoid dwelling on the anxiety.\", \"描述\": \"Everyone gets nervous on a first date. It’s completely normal. That means you shouldn’t obsess about your anxiety. You’re not going to ruin the date, and you can’t know if the date is going to be a disaster or not. Think about how often you feel anxiety and everything turns out perfectly fine.\\nInstead of the anxiety, think about how it’s exciting to be going out on a date and meeting someone new, even if it doesn’t turn into a love connection.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be confident\", \"描述\": \"Going on a date is a mutual decision, which means the other person wants to go on a date with you. This should give you a bit of confidence to help combat your nerves. Try to find ways to boost your confidence as you prepare for your date so you can be your best self.\\nYou can work on looking confident. Keep your head held high, have good posture, make eye contact, and smile. By acting confident, you'll actually feel more confident.\\nFocus on your good qualities. It may be a physical attribute or a character trait. Remember, the person wanted to go out with you for a reason, so don't doubt that you deserve to enjoy your date.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Avoid having unrealistic expectations.\", \"描述\": \"If every date went perfectly, people wouldn’t need to date multiple people or feel anxiety. The reality is that some first dates are awkward, bad, or boring. That’s normal. Don’t let everything ride on this one date, and it may help lessen your anxiety.\\nJust because your first date isn’t perfect doesn’t mean there isn’t a chance for a second date. Sometimes, it takes a few dates to start connecting well. Don’t get upset if the date isn’t going perfectly. Very few first dates do.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Planning for a Low-Stress Date\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Come up with a few topics of conversation\", \"描述\": \"If you’re afraid your mind is going to go blank in the middle of your date, you may want to come up some things you can talk about. What do you both have in common? What are you excited about or interested in? Having a few ideas in mind can help calm you down.\\nFor example, if you know that you both like cooking, travelling, or being outside, think of a few questions or stories you can tell dealing with those topics.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Pick a date location that makes you feel comfortable.\", \"描述\": \"Though you may want to do something fun on your date, you shouldn’t do something new that will make you even more uncomfortable. You want to go to a place you're somewhat familiar and comfortable with. Even if it's not some place you've gone often, if it's in an area you know, that's enough to help calm you down.\\nFor example, if you never go to fancy restaurants or the ballet, don't choose it as a first date location.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Choose a fun activity.\", \"描述\": \"Dates should be fun. Sure, everyone goes to dinner and a movie, and that may be enjoyable for you. However, you can help calm your first date jitters by doing something you know will be fun. Try something you'd never think of as a first date. It may help both of you break the ice. \\nFor example, you can go window or regular shopping, work out together, go to a bookstore or music stores and look around, go hiking, or go to a museum.\\nChoose an activity both of you can enjoy and are interested in, if you know what the other person likes. If you don't know what the other person likes, try to ask them. Often, doing these things help you show off your personality the most.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Dress comfortably.\", \"描述\": \"Though you want to look nice and dress to impress, don’t wear clothes you feel uncomfortable in. You won't feel like yourself. You'll be uneasy, and your date will be able to tell. Choosing a casual or nice outfit is best. Think about where you are going on your date and dress accordingly.\\nFor example, if you never wear dresses and heels or a suit and tie, don't do it on a first date. If you wear clothes you can’t breathe in or shoes you can’t walk in, you may start tripping or have trouble breathing.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Enjoying the Date\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Stay in the moment.\", \"描述\": \"One way that people give into their anxiety is getting trapped in their heads and thinking about worst-case scenarios or situations that are not real. Be present on your date by staying in the moment. Staying in the moment can help keep you focused on the person in front of you, which can help you stay calm.\\nTell yourself, \\\"I'm going to enjoy this moment and not listen to my thoughts.\\\" Thoughts are not reality, and they keep you away from the moment. Pushing your thoughts aside can help you enjoy your date.\\nFocus on what is going on around you. Don't think, \\\"My date doesn't like me.\\\" Instead, pay attention to your date and interact with them. They probably like you quite a bit since they agreed to go on the date in the first place.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Remind yourself that you like your date.\", \"描述\": \"Don’t forget that your date likes you, too. They agreed to go on a date with you, so that means you both already have some kind of mutual attraction. Consider why you like this person. Are they physically attractive? Or do you think they have a nice personality?\\nIt doesn't matter why you like them. Remember that going out with the person you like is an exciting and happy moment.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Think of them as a friend.\", \"描述\": \"If you look at your date as someone you don't know well, you may get nervous and won't be able to just be yourself. Talk to your date as you would a friend. Playfully tease them as you might your friends, tell silly stories, and don't be afraid to show off your wonderful personality.\\nTreating them as someone you want to be around, and who wants to be around you, can help you feel more at ease. Not focusing on the romantic pressure can also help you act more natural.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Remember your date is also nervous.\", \"描述\": \"Almost everyone who goes on a first date is nervous. That means you’re not the only one nervous on this date. Sometimes, reminding yourself that the other person is just as nervous can help calm you down and help you enjoy yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Encourage your date to talk.\", \"描述\": \"Some people think that they need to fill up every silence because silences make them nervous. They may also think that silences mean awkwardness and that the date isn’t going well. Two people who don’t know each other that well are going to naturally experience a few silences, so don’t get freaked out by them. Instead, give your date an opportunity to talk.\\nIf your date isn’t doing much talking, ask them a question. The question can build off something you know they’re interested in or something you were talking about earlier.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Avoid jumping to the wrong conclusion.\", \"描述\": \"You may start getting stressed out because you think that your date doesn’t like you. Because you’re nervous, you may come up with worst case scenarios in your head. Making up scenarios just causes more stress, and many times, it’s not even true. Try to stay calm by not jumping to conclusions.\\nYou can’t read your date’s mind. Remember, they agreed to go on the date with you and a few awkward moments doesn’t mean the date is going badly. Just enjoy the date and keep the made up scenarios to a minimum.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Try deep breathing exercises.\", \"描述\": \"Taking deep breaths can have a calming effect on your body. Before and during your date, you can try some deep breathing exercises to calm down so you can enjoy yourself.\\nTake a deep breath through your nose and hold for a count of five or six. Then breathe out through your mouth for a count of around seven. Try to repeat 10 times.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,589 | How to Be Calm while Playing Online Video Games | 1. Steps
1-1. Turn your microphone off.
Most gaming servers have rules against shouting or cursing over voice communication channels. If you're having issues maintaining your composure, it's best to mute your microphone so that you may shout and tell everyone how bad of a job they're doing without actually letting them hear it!
1-2. Don't take other players seriously.
Occasionally, in some games, you may find yourself playing against (or with) someone who is getting on your nerves. Whether it's because they are gloating after a win against you or because they are simply trying to annoy everyone (trolling), don't take what they say seriously. Some people are more competitive than others, others have thicker skins and are not particularly sensitive to name-calling. Relax, take a deep breath, and let what they say roll off of your back. Remember that most people would act in an entirely different way if you had encountered them face-to-face rather than on the Internet.
If you find yourself tempted to take what other players are saying seriously, Sometimes, the best way to walk away from an unproductive conversation is to simply ignore the other person. If you find yourself frequently letting others' words bring out the worst in you, perhaps you should consider
1-3. Switch servers.
If you find yourself losing a lot on one server, it may be best to try your luck on another server and play there. You could also try switching to the winning team, although most servers have rules against this (called "team stacking") and may switch you back to the losing team.
1-4. Play with a friend.
Sometimes, losing isn't so bad if you have someone to lose with! Talking about your loss might help to calm you down.
1-5. Rage quit.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with leaving a game simply because you are too frustrated to play. Take a break and do something else until you feel like you are composed enough to play again.
1-6. Remember that it's just a game.
Yeah, everyone says this, but it's absolutely vital to remember that playing a video game is for fun and entertainment. The number of kills you have, the number of wins you have, and your kill-death ratio will not contribute to anything else in your life except for bragging rights.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:26",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Steps\\n1-1. Turn your microphone off.\\nMost gaming servers have rules against shouting or cursing over voice communication channels. If you're having issues maintaining your composure, it's best to mute your microphone so that you may shout and tell everyone how bad of a job they're doing without actually letting them hear it!\\n1-2. Don't take other players seriously.\\nOccasionally, in some games, you may find yourself playing against (or with) someone who is getting on your nerves. Whether it's because they are gloating after a win against you or because they are simply trying to annoy everyone (trolling), don't take what they say seriously. Some people are more competitive than others, others have thicker skins and are not particularly sensitive to name-calling. Relax, take a deep breath, and let what they say roll off of your back. Remember that most people would act in an entirely different way if you had encountered them face-to-face rather than on the Internet.\\nIf you find yourself tempted to take what other players are saying seriously, Sometimes, the best way to walk away from an unproductive conversation is to simply ignore the other person. If you find yourself frequently letting others' words bring out the worst in you, perhaps you should consider\\n1-3. Switch servers.\\nIf you find yourself losing a lot on one server, it may be best to try your luck on another server and play there. You could also try switching to the winning team, although most servers have rules against this (called \\\"team stacking\\\") and may switch you back to the losing team.\\n1-4. Play with a friend.\\nSometimes, losing isn't so bad if you have someone to lose with! Talking about your loss might help to calm you down.\\n1-5. Rage quit.\\nThere's absolutely nothing wrong with leaving a game simply because you are too frustrated to play. Take a break and do something else until you feel like you are composed enough to play again.\\n1-6. Remember that it's just a game.\\nYeah, everyone says this, but it's absolutely vital to remember that playing a video game is for fun and entertainment. The number of kills you have, the number of wins you have, and your kill-death ratio will not contribute to anything else in your life except for bragging rights.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Sure, everyone always says that it's just a game and that you're supposed to have fun. But sometimes, if your teammates are doing an exceptionally bad job, it can be really hard to keep your cool, especially if their ineptitude is costing you the match! Ugh! Whether or not it's because you're waking up the neighbors with shouting sessions during late-night gaming or because you've been banned from your favorite server because you were shouting over the microphone, here are some tips that will hopefully help you keep a lid on that gaming rage.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Steps\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Turn your microphone off.\", \"描述\": \"Most gaming servers have rules against shouting or cursing over voice communication channels. If you're having issues maintaining your composure, it's best to mute your microphone so that you may shout and tell everyone how bad of a job they're doing without actually letting them hear it!\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Don't take other players seriously.\", \"描述\": \"Occasionally, in some games, you may find yourself playing against (or with) someone who is getting on your nerves. Whether it's because they are gloating after a win against you or because they are simply trying to annoy everyone (trolling), don't take what they say seriously. Some people are more competitive than others, others have thicker skins and are not particularly sensitive to name-calling. Relax, take a deep breath, and let what they say roll off of your back. Remember that most people would act in an entirely different way if you had encountered them face-to-face rather than on the Internet.\\nIf you find yourself tempted to take what other players are saying seriously, Sometimes, the best way to walk away from an unproductive conversation is to simply ignore the other person. If you find yourself frequently letting others' words bring out the worst in you, perhaps you should consider\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Switch servers.\", \"描述\": \"If you find yourself losing a lot on one server, it may be best to try your luck on another server and play there. You could also try switching to the winning team, although most servers have rules against this (called \\\"team stacking\\\") and may switch you back to the losing team.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Play with a friend.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes, losing isn't so bad if you have someone to lose with! Talking about your loss might help to calm you down.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Rage quit.\", \"描述\": \"There's absolutely nothing wrong with leaving a game simply because you are too frustrated to play. Take a break and do something else until you feel like you are composed enough to play again.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Remember that it's just a game.\", \"描述\": \"Yeah, everyone says this, but it's absolutely vital to remember that playing a video game is for fun and entertainment. The number of kills you have, the number of wins you have, and your kill-death ratio will not contribute to anything else in your life except for bragging rights.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,590 | How to Be Carefree | 1. Being Carefree
1-1. Do things because you want to do them.
If you decide to do something because you want to do it, you'll be able to stay a lot more carefree about the task itself. If you feel like you're forced into your job, or that you're forced to have to go to the gym, those things will become chores. If you treat them as opportunities, they'll be fun. Make the choice to do them.
Changing your attitude doesn't have to be complicated, or require a lot of complex psychology. If you want to do something, do it. If you don't, find a way to make it work for you, or cut it from your life. Sometimes it's that simple.
Hate your job? Quit and get another one. Sick of the town you live in? Move. If something isn't supporting you or helping you live a happy, carefree life, make a change.
1-2. Make yourself smile and laugh regularly.
It may sound silly, but you will feel so much happier when you smile widely at a friend or a random stranger and they smile back. You will feel a lot lighter if you laugh as well. Laugh at whatever you find funny, even if the people around you don't see the humor.
Being carefree doesn't mean you should be a laughing fool. Taking a funeral or a memorial service lightly isn't appropriate. It's still important to stay tactful.
1-3. Take things less seriously.
Just look out the window and you'll likely see something ridiculous. You're a human who lives in a little box plugged into a computer box. Someone walking dogs around the neighborhood and picking up their poop and carrying it with them. How weird! Try to remember that life should be something to laugh at, and something to appreciate. It's not something to endure.
Don’t get stuck on the small details. Instead, focus on the big picture and consider what is really important when you put it into context.
1-4. Think about the future, don't focus on the past.
Worrying about your past mistakes will leave you stressed. Instead, embrace the potential of your life. Who cares if people don't like the you? You can change over time and become a new person or find new friends. You could move to another country and within 10 years you would have new friends and think in a new language, you would be a new person. Anything can happen.
2. Enjoying Life
2-1. Keep your work time and fun time separate.
Life doesn't have to be a slog. If you want to figure out how to be more carefree in your daily life, it's important to make time for fun and to keep it. Most people schedule their day around work or school. It's unavoidable for most of us. In the same way you schedule this time, schedule time for the things you want to do as well.
As you get busier, it can be too easy to use the free time you have to do nothing. Cue up the Netflix. Instead, start actively planning out leisure activities. Schedule in a fishing trip for next weekend, or book reservations to take your partner on a date. Make a point of making time for fun.
Keep a planner so you can stay organized. Write down your deadlines and events for each day so you can worry less.
2-2. Socialize with fun people.
Surround yourself with people that you enjoy being around, and who make your life easier and more fun, as opposed to more stressful. If you want to be carefree, it's important to be around people who have common goals. Social time should be easy, not a chore.
Don't let "downers" drag you down with them. Only make a point of socializing with people who will support each other and who want to have a good time with the time you have. This kind of attitude is infectious.
If you're in a relationship where there is less freedom to be yourself, it's worth examining whether that's making you into the type of person you'd prefer not to be.
2-3. Turn chores into adventures.
Even mundane things like shopping, driving, and going to work should be causes for celebration in a carefree life. If you're going out and doing something, treat it like the biggest adventure that you'll have today. If you can't spend today scuba diving in Hawaii, at least you can spend it adventuring on public transportation!
Heading out to the grocery store? Give yourself a little challenge. Decide that you'll take five pictures of ridiculous things that you see on your walk and text them to people on your phone you haven't talked to in forever. Just send them the picture and say, "Reminded me of you."
Stuck in the house cleaning? Blast the music and do a Risky Business dance routine, or give yourself the challenge of rearranging the whole house, just because.
2-4. Go outside more.
Some studies show that increasing the amount of natural Vitamin D you get from sunlight can boost your serotonin levels, helping you to feel less stressed and more carefree. Even if you don't have any particular reason to be outside, make a point of getting out in the sun and breathing the air for 15 or 20 minutes each day. This can do wonders for your mood.
It's hard to be carefree when you're sitting around watching television and doing nothing. Don't trap yourself inside if you don't need to. Get outside and get active.
2-5. Exercise.
Light exercise can induce a feeling of euphoria, improving your mood and helping you feel much more carefree. Sometimes called "runner's high," the exercise effect is a documented psychological phenomenon. If you want to help yourself feel more carefree, try finding a regular exercise routine that works with your life.
You don't have to go jumping into a marathon. Just try going on a 30-40 minute walk at a brisk pace after you get done working for the day, or start out your day with a walk before you settle in.
Find competitive team sports that you enjoy, so you can have the thrill of competition and of socializing with some people aside from the benefits of exercise.
2-6. Spend some time doing nothing.
Every now and then, life calls for some serious leisure. If you want to be truly carefree, take the time to treat yourself. Just sit in the sun in the middle of the day with a cold drink. Don't let anyone bother you. Read your book on the couch with a hot cup of tea. Book a spa day. Just relax.
3. Managing Stress
3-1. Identify your stressors.
Get out a piece of paper and write down everything that causes you to feel stress, or to feel overwhelmed. What people, places, and situations make you feel anxious? Try to be as comprehensive as possible, considering the times in your daily life that you feel like you can't be carefree.
Who causes you to feel stressed out? A particular friend? A partner? A coworker? Try to cut as many of these stress-causers from your life as possible. If you can't, avoid them.
Cut back on caffeine and other foods you eat that may lead to stress.
3-2. Stay ahead of your stress.
Once you've identified the things that cause you to feel stressed out, Try to anticipate those situations and causes so you can avoid them if possible, and expect them if unavoidable. Everyone has to deal with stress as a part of their life. But if you can figure out a way to put stress in the back seat, you can be a lot more carefree.
If you're headed into a busy day at work, you know it's going to be busy. Expect nothing less. That doesn't mean you have to feel stressed because of it. Just focus on getting through the day and getting finished.
Try doing a short ritual with your stress list to Try to let it go. Tear it up. Look over your big stress causes one last time, then rip it into little pieces, or toss it into the fireplaces, or just throw it in the garbage. Or, alternatively, keep it with you in your pocket so you can remind yourself to stay ahead of things.
3-3. Stay ahead of your anger.
When someone annoys you or is in a bad mood, the best thing to do isn't to walk away, it is to be the better person and remain polite. Conversations aren't about "winning" or "losing," they're about connecting with people. Eventually, this will become second nature, and you'll feel a lot lighter and better about yourself.
If you feel yourself getting angry when you're provoked, just try the 10-second rule. Stop talking and just breathe for a full 10 seconds. If they stare at you, they stare. When you speak, say in a calm, even voice, "I don't want to get upset about this. Maybe we should talk another time."
3-4. Stop worrying about what other people think.
Remember that the only person you need to impress is yourself. Friends may come and go, but you will always have who you are. If people are telling you to change how you are, they aren't important enough to you for you to take their opinion into account.
Be willing to listen when your friends offer good advice, however. If your close friends and trusted family members are telling you to change by stopping a bad habit, that is a different thing altogether.
3-5. Love how you look.
That doesn't mean going to the hair salon or buying that ridiculously expensive pair of shoes. If you want to be carefree, learn to accept that you look a certain way and love that. You are a unique individual and one of your gifts is your unique appearance.
If you are a bit larger than "normal," you can either accept that and know that you look fine or work out and get skinnier. If you're tall, don't look at how awful it is to be tall, look at the good things, like reaching the higher shelves and seeing over everyone's heads in a crowd.
Fall in love with how you look in the mirror, whether that be cellulite, stretch marks, or anything else. When you love yourself and everything about your body, it's hard for others not to see you in that same way.
Tips
Sit back relax and smile about something that makes you happy!
Recognize no one can live completely carefree unless they are completely dependent on someone else, and that the person they are dependent on is capable of taking care of all of their needs. An example is an infant with a loving mother.
Be positive and positive things will happen to you now and in the future
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:26",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Being Carefree\\n1-1. Do things because you want to do them.\\nIf you decide to do something because you want to do it, you'll be able to stay a lot more carefree about the task itself. If you feel like you're forced into your job, or that you're forced to have to go to the gym, those things will become chores. If you treat them as opportunities, they'll be fun. Make the choice to do them.\\nChanging your attitude doesn't have to be complicated, or require a lot of complex psychology. If you want to do something, do it. If you don't, find a way to make it work for you, or cut it from your life. Sometimes it's that simple.\\nHate your job? Quit and get another one. Sick of the town you live in? Move. If something isn't supporting you or helping you live a happy, carefree life, make a change.\\n1-2. Make yourself smile and laugh regularly.\\nIt may sound silly, but you will feel so much happier when you smile widely at a friend or a random stranger and they smile back. You will feel a lot lighter if you laugh as well. Laugh at whatever you find funny, even if the people around you don't see the humor.\\nBeing carefree doesn't mean you should be a laughing fool. Taking a funeral or a memorial service lightly isn't appropriate. It's still important to stay tactful.\\n1-3. Take things less seriously.\\nJust look out the window and you'll likely see something ridiculous. You're a human who lives in a little box plugged into a computer box. Someone walking dogs around the neighborhood and picking up their poop and carrying it with them. How weird! Try to remember that life should be something to laugh at, and something to appreciate. It's not something to endure.\\nDon’t get stuck on the small details. Instead, focus on the big picture and consider what is really important when you put it into context.\\n1-4. Think about the future, don't focus on the past.\\nWorrying about your past mistakes will leave you stressed. Instead, embrace the potential of your life. Who cares if people don't like the you? You can change over time and become a new person or find new friends. You could move to another country and within 10 years you would have new friends and think in a new language, you would be a new person. Anything can happen.\\n2. Enjoying Life\\n2-1. Keep your work time and fun time separate.\\nLife doesn't have to be a slog. If you want to figure out how to be more carefree in your daily life, it's important to make time for fun and to keep it. Most people schedule their day around work or school. It's unavoidable for most of us. In the same way you schedule this time, schedule time for the things you want to do as well.\\nAs you get busier, it can be too easy to use the free time you have to do nothing. Cue up the Netflix. Instead, start actively planning out leisure activities. Schedule in a fishing trip for next weekend, or book reservations to take your partner on a date. Make a point of making time for fun.\\nKeep a planner so you can stay organized. Write down your deadlines and events for each day so you can worry less.\\n2-2. Socialize with fun people.\\nSurround yourself with people that you enjoy being around, and who make your life easier and more fun, as opposed to more stressful. If you want to be carefree, it's important to be around people who have common goals. Social time should be easy, not a chore.\\nDon't let \\\"downers\\\" drag you down with them. Only make a point of socializing with people who will support each other and who want to have a good time with the time you have. This kind of attitude is infectious.\\nIf you're in a relationship where there is less freedom to be yourself, it's worth examining whether that's making you into the type of person you'd prefer not to be.\\n2-3. Turn chores into adventures.\\nEven mundane things like shopping, driving, and going to work should be causes for celebration in a carefree life. If you're going out and doing something, treat it like the biggest adventure that you'll have today. If you can't spend today scuba diving in Hawaii, at least you can spend it adventuring on public transportation!\\nHeading out to the grocery store? Give yourself a little challenge. Decide that you'll take five pictures of ridiculous things that you see on your walk and text them to people on your phone you haven't talked to in forever. Just send them the picture and say, \\\"Reminded me of you.\\\"\\nStuck in the house cleaning? Blast the music and do a Risky Business dance routine, or give yourself the challenge of rearranging the whole house, just because.\\n2-4. Go outside more.\\nSome studies show that increasing the amount of natural Vitamin D you get from sunlight can boost your serotonin levels, helping you to feel less stressed and more carefree. Even if you don't have any particular reason to be outside, make a point of getting out in the sun and breathing the air for 15 or 20 minutes each day. This can do wonders for your mood.\\nIt's hard to be carefree when you're sitting around watching television and doing nothing. Don't trap yourself inside if you don't need to. Get outside and get active.\\n2-5. Exercise.\\nLight exercise can induce a feeling of euphoria, improving your mood and helping you feel much more carefree. Sometimes called \\\"runner's high,\\\" the exercise effect is a documented psychological phenomenon. If you want to help yourself feel more carefree, try finding a regular exercise routine that works with your life.\\nYou don't have to go jumping into a marathon. Just try going on a 30-40 minute walk at a brisk pace after you get done working for the day, or start out your day with a walk before you settle in.\\nFind competitive team sports that you enjoy, so you can have the thrill of competition and of socializing with some people aside from the benefits of exercise.\\n2-6. Spend some time doing nothing.\\nEvery now and then, life calls for some serious leisure. If you want to be truly carefree, take the time to treat yourself. Just sit in the sun in the middle of the day with a cold drink. Don't let anyone bother you. Read your book on the couch with a hot cup of tea. Book a spa day. Just relax.\\n3. Managing Stress\\n3-1. Identify your stressors.\\nGet out a piece of paper and write down everything that causes you to feel stress, or to feel overwhelmed. What people, places, and situations make you feel anxious? Try to be as comprehensive as possible, considering the times in your daily life that you feel like you can't be carefree.\\nWho causes you to feel stressed out? A particular friend? A partner? A coworker? Try to cut as many of these stress-causers from your life as possible. If you can't, avoid them.\\nCut back on caffeine and other foods you eat that may lead to stress.\\n3-2. Stay ahead of your stress.\\nOnce you've identified the things that cause you to feel stressed out, Try to anticipate those situations and causes so you can avoid them if possible, and expect them if unavoidable. Everyone has to deal with stress as a part of their life. But if you can figure out a way to put stress in the back seat, you can be a lot more carefree.\\nIf you're headed into a busy day at work, you know it's going to be busy. Expect nothing less. That doesn't mean you have to feel stressed because of it. Just focus on getting through the day and getting finished.\\nTry doing a short ritual with your stress list to Try to let it go. Tear it up. Look over your big stress causes one last time, then rip it into little pieces, or toss it into the fireplaces, or just throw it in the garbage. Or, alternatively, keep it with you in your pocket so you can remind yourself to stay ahead of things.\\n3-3. Stay ahead of your anger.\\nWhen someone annoys you or is in a bad mood, the best thing to do isn't to walk away, it is to be the better person and remain polite. Conversations aren't about \\\"winning\\\" or \\\"losing,\\\" they're about connecting with people. Eventually, this will become second nature, and you'll feel a lot lighter and better about yourself.\\nIf you feel yourself getting angry when you're provoked, just try the 10-second rule. Stop talking and just breathe for a full 10 seconds. If they stare at you, they stare. When you speak, say in a calm, even voice, \\\"I don't want to get upset about this. Maybe we should talk another time.\\\"\\n3-4. Stop worrying about what other people think.\\nRemember that the only person you need to impress is yourself. Friends may come and go, but you will always have who you are. If people are telling you to change how you are, they aren't important enough to you for you to take their opinion into account.\\nBe willing to listen when your friends offer good advice, however. If your close friends and trusted family members are telling you to change by stopping a bad habit, that is a different thing altogether.\\n3-5. Love how you look.\\nThat doesn't mean going to the hair salon or buying that ridiculously expensive pair of shoes. If you want to be carefree, learn to accept that you look a certain way and love that. You are a unique individual and one of your gifts is your unique appearance.\\nIf you are a bit larger than \\\"normal,\\\" you can either accept that and know that you look fine or work out and get skinnier. If you're tall, don't look at how awful it is to be tall, look at the good things, like reaching the higher shelves and seeing over everyone's heads in a crowd.\\nFall in love with how you look in the mirror, whether that be cellulite, stretch marks, or anything else. When you love yourself and everything about your body, it's hard for others not to see you in that same way.\\nTips\\nSit back relax and smile about something that makes you happy!\\nRecognize no one can live completely carefree unless they are completely dependent on someone else, and that the person they are dependent on is capable of taking care of all of their needs. An example is an infant with a loving mother.\\nBe positive and positive things will happen to you now and in the future\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"People seem to spend more time than ever worrying. If you feel like your stress rules your life, you can learn to relax actively and start living your life, instead of enduring it. Living carefree means enjoying a life where these worries do not overwhelm you. Learn how to get active, manage your stress, and stay carefree.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Being Carefree\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Do things because you want to do them.\", \"描述\": \"If you decide to do something because you want to do it, you'll be able to stay a lot more carefree about the task itself. If you feel like you're forced into your job, or that you're forced to have to go to the gym, those things will become chores. If you treat them as opportunities, they'll be fun. Make the choice to do them.\\nChanging your attitude doesn't have to be complicated, or require a lot of complex psychology. If you want to do something, do it. If you don't, find a way to make it work for you, or cut it from your life. Sometimes it's that simple.\\nHate your job? Quit and get another one. Sick of the town you live in? Move. If something isn't supporting you or helping you live a happy, carefree life, make a change.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Make yourself smile and laugh regularly.\", \"描述\": \"It may sound silly, but you will feel so much happier when you smile widely at a friend or a random stranger and they smile back. You will feel a lot lighter if you laugh as well. Laugh at whatever you find funny, even if the people around you don't see the humor.\\nBeing carefree doesn't mean you should be a laughing fool. Taking a funeral or a memorial service lightly isn't appropriate. It's still important to stay tactful.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Take things less seriously.\", \"描述\": \"Just look out the window and you'll likely see something ridiculous. You're a human who lives in a little box plugged into a computer box. Someone walking dogs around the neighborhood and picking up their poop and carrying it with them. How weird! Try to remember that life should be something to laugh at, and something to appreciate. It's not something to endure.\\nDon’t get stuck on the small details. Instead, focus on the big picture and consider what is really important when you put it into context.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Think about the future, don't focus on the past.\", \"描述\": \"Worrying about your past mistakes will leave you stressed. Instead, embrace the potential of your life. Who cares if people don't like the you? You can change over time and become a new person or find new friends. You could move to another country and within 10 years you would have new friends and think in a new language, you would be a new person. Anything can happen.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Enjoying Life\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Keep your work time and fun time separate.\", \"描述\": \"Life doesn't have to be a slog. If you want to figure out how to be more carefree in your daily life, it's important to make time for fun and to keep it. Most people schedule their day around work or school. It's unavoidable for most of us. In the same way you schedule this time, schedule time for the things you want to do as well.\\nAs you get busier, it can be too easy to use the free time you have to do nothing. Cue up the Netflix. Instead, start actively planning out leisure activities. Schedule in a fishing trip for next weekend, or book reservations to take your partner on a date. Make a point of making time for fun.\\nKeep a planner so you can stay organized. Write down your deadlines and events for each day so you can worry less.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Socialize with fun people.\", \"描述\": \"Surround yourself with people that you enjoy being around, and who make your life easier and more fun, as opposed to more stressful. If you want to be carefree, it's important to be around people who have common goals. Social time should be easy, not a chore.\\nDon't let \\\"downers\\\" drag you down with them. Only make a point of socializing with people who will support each other and who want to have a good time with the time you have. This kind of attitude is infectious.\\nIf you're in a relationship where there is less freedom to be yourself, it's worth examining whether that's making you into the type of person you'd prefer not to be.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Turn chores into adventures.\", \"描述\": \"Even mundane things like shopping, driving, and going to work should be causes for celebration in a carefree life. If you're going out and doing something, treat it like the biggest adventure that you'll have today. If you can't spend today scuba diving in Hawaii, at least you can spend it adventuring on public transportation!\\nHeading out to the grocery store? Give yourself a little challenge. Decide that you'll take five pictures of ridiculous things that you see on your walk and text them to people on your phone you haven't talked to in forever. Just send them the picture and say, \\\"Reminded me of you.\\\"\\nStuck in the house cleaning? Blast the music and do a Risky Business dance routine, or give yourself the challenge of rearranging the whole house, just because.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Go outside more.\", \"描述\": \"Some studies show that increasing the amount of natural Vitamin D you get from sunlight can boost your serotonin levels, helping you to feel less stressed and more carefree. Even if you don't have any particular reason to be outside, make a point of getting out in the sun and breathing the air for 15 or 20 minutes each day. This can do wonders for your mood.\\nIt's hard to be carefree when you're sitting around watching television and doing nothing. Don't trap yourself inside if you don't need to. Get outside and get active.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Exercise.\", \"描述\": \"Light exercise can induce a feeling of euphoria, improving your mood and helping you feel much more carefree. Sometimes called \\\"runner's high,\\\" the exercise effect is a documented psychological phenomenon. If you want to help yourself feel more carefree, try finding a regular exercise routine that works with your life.\\nYou don't have to go jumping into a marathon. Just try going on a 30-40 minute walk at a brisk pace after you get done working for the day, or start out your day with a walk before you settle in.\\nFind competitive team sports that you enjoy, so you can have the thrill of competition and of socializing with some people aside from the benefits of exercise.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Spend some time doing nothing.\", \"描述\": \"Every now and then, life calls for some serious leisure. If you want to be truly carefree, take the time to treat yourself. Just sit in the sun in the middle of the day with a cold drink. Don't let anyone bother you. Read your book on the couch with a hot cup of tea. Book a spa day. Just relax.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Managing Stress\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Identify your stressors.\", \"描述\": \"Get out a piece of paper and write down everything that causes you to feel stress, or to feel overwhelmed. What people, places, and situations make you feel anxious? Try to be as comprehensive as possible, considering the times in your daily life that you feel like you can't be carefree.\\nWho causes you to feel stressed out? A particular friend? A partner? A coworker? Try to cut as many of these stress-causers from your life as possible. If you can't, avoid them.\\nCut back on caffeine and other foods you eat that may lead to stress.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Stay ahead of your stress.\", \"描述\": \"Once you've identified the things that cause you to feel stressed out, Try to anticipate those situations and causes so you can avoid them if possible, and expect them if unavoidable. Everyone has to deal with stress as a part of their life. But if you can figure out a way to put stress in the back seat, you can be a lot more carefree.\\nIf you're headed into a busy day at work, you know it's going to be busy. Expect nothing less. That doesn't mean you have to feel stressed because of it. Just focus on getting through the day and getting finished.\\nTry doing a short ritual with your stress list to Try to let it go. Tear it up. Look over your big stress causes one last time, then rip it into little pieces, or toss it into the fireplaces, or just throw it in the garbage. Or, alternatively, keep it with you in your pocket so you can remind yourself to stay ahead of things.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Stay ahead of your anger.\", \"描述\": \"When someone annoys you or is in a bad mood, the best thing to do isn't to walk away, it is to be the better person and remain polite. Conversations aren't about \\\"winning\\\" or \\\"losing,\\\" they're about connecting with people. Eventually, this will become second nature, and you'll feel a lot lighter and better about yourself.\\nIf you feel yourself getting angry when you're provoked, just try the 10-second rule. Stop talking and just breathe for a full 10 seconds. If they stare at you, they stare. When you speak, say in a calm, even voice, \\\"I don't want to get upset about this. Maybe we should talk another time.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Stop worrying about what other people think.\", \"描述\": \"Remember that the only person you need to impress is yourself. Friends may come and go, but you will always have who you are. If people are telling you to change how you are, they aren't important enough to you for you to take their opinion into account.\\nBe willing to listen when your friends offer good advice, however. If your close friends and trusted family members are telling you to change by stopping a bad habit, that is a different thing altogether.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Love how you look.\", \"描述\": \"That doesn't mean going to the hair salon or buying that ridiculously expensive pair of shoes. If you want to be carefree, learn to accept that you look a certain way and love that. You are a unique individual and one of your gifts is your unique appearance.\\nIf you are a bit larger than \\\"normal,\\\" you can either accept that and know that you look fine or work out and get skinnier. If you're tall, don't look at how awful it is to be tall, look at the good things, like reaching the higher shelves and seeing over everyone's heads in a crowd.\\nFall in love with how you look in the mirror, whether that be cellulite, stretch marks, or anything else. When you love yourself and everything about your body, it's hard for others not to see you in that same way.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Sit back relax and smile about something that makes you happy!\\n\", \"Recognize no one can live completely carefree unless they are completely dependent on someone else, and that the person they are dependent on is capable of taking care of all of their needs. An example is an infant with a loving mother.\\n\", \"Be positive and positive things will happen to you now and in the future\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,591 | How to Be Caring | 1. Caring for Others
1-1. Help people in need.
Helping people in need is a major aspect of being caring. You can't be a caring person if you're only out to help yourself. Helping other people means helping both the friends and family members who need help in their lives, and also helping out the less fortunate people in your community, or even people you may not know that well who need assistance. Be on the lookout for people who need help and find a productive way to get involved if you want to be more caring.
Your friends and family members may not always admit it when they need your help. However, it's up to you to notice when they are just being polite and really need some extra help, whether they want you to do some more chores or to run some errands.
Get involved in a soup kitchen, literacy center, local library, teen help program, or another program in your area that allows you to make other people's lives more full.
One way to think about being caring is to think of it like giving energy. How can you give energy back to your community, your culture, your society?
1-2. Ask people about their lives.
Another way to be caring is to put more effort into learning about how other people are doing. The next time you talk to someone, whether it's your neighbor or your best friend, ask him or her how he or she is feeling, about what he or she has going on that weekend, or about how his or her day is going. Making the effort to ask the little questions can add up to showing that you really do care. Don't just ask out of obligation, but because you genuinely want to know how the person is doing.
Have a balance of talking about yourself and about the other person in any conversation. You don't want to ask a million questions and not reveal anything about yourself, but you also don't want to talk about yourself and not learn anything about the other person, either.
Remember that this doesn't mean you have to pry. Asking something innocent like how the person's dogs are doing or if he or she has any fun summer plans, can make the person see that you care without you coming on too strong.
1-3. Apologize when you need to.
Caring people care about how their actions affect other people. Therefore, they are quick to apologize when they've done something wrong. They don't deny their mistakes, and they are comfortable admitting they're not perfect. If you know you've hurt somebody, then you have to swallow your pride and say something as simple as, "I'm so sorry I hurt your feelings. I really regret what I did," to show that you're aware of how your actions impact others. Doing this shows that you do care, because you think about how others are feeling.
When you apologize, make eye contact and avoid other distractions. Show the person that he or she is worth your time.
Don't say, "I'm sorry you felt hurt when I made that comment," because this is an empty apology that will only do more damage.
1-4. Do favors for people.
Caring people spend time doing favors for people and helping them out when they need it. This doesn't mean you have to become someone's errand boy, but it does mean that you should make an effort to help people out, whether you're picking up coffee for your boyfriend, giving your little brother a ride to school, or helping your best friend pick out the flowers for her wedding. While there should be a balance and the person should do favors for you also if he or she is capable of it, you should make a habit of doing favors for those you care about.
Though you don't have to spread yourself too thin, sometimes the greatest joy can come from doing a favor for someone you don't know that well. If you shovel your neighbor's driveway while you're shoveling yours after a snowstorm, the effort will be much appreciated.
Be on the lookout. People won't always ask you if they need a favor. Sometimes, you should just be able to tell when they really need your help but don't want to impose.
1-5. Share.
Sharing really is caring. If you want to be a more caring person, then you should be willing to share your things. This means sharing things you actually care about, like clothes you like, or half of your favorite sandwich, not sharing something that means nothing to you, like a book you didn't like much anyway. Be on the lookout for opportunities to share things, whether it's a material object or a piece of advice. People who are caring are unselfish, and sharing is a key trait of a person who is selfless.
Sharing doesn't only mean material goods. You can also share knowledge. Take the time to talk to a high school student about the college admissions process if you're in college. Talk to someone starting out in your career field about your experiences. Help a younger person on your tennis team master her forehand. Look for opportunities to improve a person's life by sharing what you know.
1-6. Check in with people.
Another way to be caring is to let people know that you're thinking about them even when you're not together. To do this, you should check in with your friends or family members, whether it's through sending a text message after your best friend's exam, or calling your cousin on her birthday. Sending cards also gets the message across. Though people are busy and it's unrealistic to talk to multiple friends every day, make a habit of checking in on at least one friend a week will make a big difference.
It's one thing to care about someone when he or she is standing right in front of you, but it's another to check in on that person when he or she is out of sight.
If you know a friend is having a hard time, you should check in on your friend, even if you're just saying hi. You don't have to keep saying, "How are you feeling?" or that might get annoying, but emailing an interesting article or sending your friend a funny text can help cheer him or her up.
1-7. Remember the details about people's lives.
Another way to show that you really care is to pay attention to the details that people tell you. This could mean the name of your co-worker's cat, the time when your mom is waiting to hear if she gets a promotion, or the fact that your new friend grew up in Topeka, Kansas. Hold on to these details and bring them up later to show that you care. If you keep forgetting every little thing a person tells you, then it'll start to look like you don't care very much. Make a point of remembering as much as you can about a person's life, and to follow up about it when it matters.
Of course, you don't have to remember every little thing. But if you focus on the important details, you'll have a better sense of who the person is and what matters to him or her.
1-8. Volunteer.
Volunteering is a major way to be more caring. You can volunteer in your community to help out people in need, and you can also find other ways to help out. Volunteer at a local bookstore or library. Volunteer to help clean up a park in your community. Volunteer to bake something for your school's bake sale. Be on the lookout for more opportunities to improve your community and to make a difference in the place where you live.
You can also volunteer in a different city, or even a different country. Spend your spring break building houses for Habitat for Humanity in a different part of your state, or even working to help out in a different country. You'll become more caring by spending more time focusing on improving other people's lives.
2. Being More Empathetic
2-1. Be sensitive to the feelings of others.
If you want to have a more caring perspective, then you have to spend more time thinking about how other people are feeling. Be on the lookout to see how the people around you are reacting to a given situation, or just how they're feeling when they walk in the door. People who are caring are attuned to the moods of others and can tell when someone is feeling down or upset, and take measures to do something about it. The next time you are around other people, whether you're in class or hanging out with friends, pay attention to how they are feeling in a given situation.
People who are self-absorbed or who only care about themselves tend not to care when other people around them are upset, even if they caused it. Make sure this isn't you.
Even if you're not the one causing the hurt feelings, be aware of how others around you are reacting to a given comment or a piece of news. If you're in a meeting and notice that many people are visibly upset when your boss explains the objectives for a new project, you may want to talk to your boss about it.
2-2. Think about how your actions affect other people.
You may be too busy trying to further your own needs to always think about the impact that a certain thing you do or say can have on a person. The next time you do something, whether it's leaving the kitchen for your roommate to clean up because you're having a busy day, or ignoring your best friend's phone call about her breakup, ask yourself how this person would react to whatever it is you did. If the answer is "not well," then you should think about changing your actions to something that would better suit people.
Of course, this doesn't mean that people always have to like or agree with everything you do. Sometimes, you have to do what you believe in without trying to pander to others. But if your behavior is selfish, rude, or unpleasant, then you have to start thinking about making a change.
2-3. Pick your battles.
Caring people tend to focus on maintaining positive, healthy relationships. Sometimes, this means having arguments or engaging with conflicts with others in order to resolve an issue. However, if you want to be caring, you can think more about cutting people some slack, and about maintaining positive, healthy relationships instead of fighting all the time. The next time you begin an argument or conflict with someone, ask yourself if it's really worth having or if you just want to get some anger off your chest. If you don't think an argument or confrontation can lead to anything productive, then you're better off skipping it.
Caring people do voice their concerns when they are having a problem in a relationship or situation. But they tend to focus on keeping things positive instead of fighting if they can avoid it.
2-4. Appreciate the people in your life.
If you want to be a more caring person, then you have to appreciate the people in your life as much as you can. Be thankful and grateful for your family members, your friends, your significant other, or any of the people who make your life more meaningful and positive. Don't focus on the things that you're missing or the rude comments you have to deal with sometimes, and think about all of the joy and happiness that people bring to your life instead. This will not only put you in a better frame of mind, but it will make it easier for you to care about the people around you more.
In order to really appreciate the people in your life, you have to thank them as much as you can. Thank them for helping you out during a hard time, for doing you favors, or just for being amazing. Let them know that their presence really does matter in your life.
Don't underestimate the power of a written "thank you" card. These cards aren't as common as they used to be, which will make the person who receives them feel all the more special.
2-5. Push away feelings of selfishness.
Though it's hard to decide to stop being completely selfish one day, anyone can work on being less selfish in his or her daily interactions and everyday life. If you want to be less selfish, then you have to spend more time thinking about how others are feeling instead of always worrying about me, me, me. The next time you have an interaction with someone, focus on how the person is feeling and what he's been up to instead of talking about yourself or only thinking about your own needs. The more aware you are about not being selfish, the easier it will be to truly care for others.
Remember that there's a difference between being selfish and in taking good care of yourself and not neglecting your own needs for the sake of what others want.
2-6. Pay attention.
People who are caring enter their daily lives with an attentive perspective. They pay attention to what people do when they are talking to them, and they are sensitive to their needs and feelings. Paying attention to people's facial expressions, gestures, dress, and even their offhand comments, can help paint a complete picture of how that person is really thinking and feeling, and can lead you to be more caring.
Your friend may be telling you that she's totally over her breakup, but if you look closely, you'll see bags under her eyes or a puffy nose that indicate otherwise.
Your roommate may have a big exam coming up and you may notice that she hasn't had a solid meal in two days; cooking extra food for dinner can make a big difference in her life, and will show that you care.
3. Developing Caring Qualities
3-1. Be polite.
You may not think that being polite has much to do with being caring, but in fact, being polite will make you a more caring person who is determined to treat the people around him or her with respect. Being polite means having good manners, not being overly vulgar or rude in front of people, holding doors for people and asking people about their day. It also means smiling at people, having common courtesy, and not getting in another person's way. Whether you're at the office, walking down the street, or talking to your sister, you should have a goal of being as polite as possible.
You don't have to be overly formal to be polite. You just have to be considerate of other people and make them feel comfortable in your presence.
3-2. Be affectionate.
People who are caring give affection to the people they love or care about. Whether you're cuddling with your son or holding your girlfriend's hand, it's important to give people affection as a way of showing that you care. Hugs can be very powerful and can bring comfort to people in need. You shouldn't go around giving physical affection to the people you don't know well, but you should give hugs, light touches, kisses, affectionate pats, or other signs of physical love to the people close to you.
Actions really can speak louder than words sometimes. Though telling a person you care can make a big difference, sometimes giving that person a hug or putting your arm around him or her can have that extra impact.
3-3. Listen to people.
People who are caring take the time to listen to others. They don't spend all day talking about themselves because they are genuinely interested in what other people have to say. When someone is talking to you, make eye contact, put away your phone or other distractions, and don't interrupt the person. If you have advice or a comment, wait until the person is done talking. As you listen, pay attention to more than just the words; watch the person's face and gestures to get the best understanding of how that person is really thinking and feeling.
When the person is done talking, don't just compare his or her experiences to your own or say, "I know exactly how you feel." Don't make this about you. Look at the situation on the person's terms.
Pay attention to the details. If a person is telling you something important, don't just forget about it once the conversation is over; ask about it later.
You don't have to say, "Uh, huh," or to nod too aggressively when the person is talking to show that you are really listening. Strong eye contact will do a lot of that work for you.
3-4. Be more generous.
Being generous, whether it's with your time or your money, can go a long way in being a more caring person. If you want to be caring, then you have to give to others and to not be selfish with what you do have. We all have busy schedules, but it's important to make the time to donate your things, do favors for people in need, or just to compliment a person close to you. Be giving in all senses of the word without forgetting about yourself, and you'll be on your way to being a more caring person.
Being generous with your time is very important. Though you don't want to sacrifice all of your "me time" for the sake of someone else, make a habit of taking the time to listen to a friend or loved one in need.
3-5. Treat others like you want to be treated.
This may sound very obvious, but you'd be surprised by how few people actually live by this law. If you want to be more caring, then you have to be kind and thoughtful toward others, and think of how you would feel if you were in their shoes. You may not care much when you make a rude comment to your waiter because you're cranky, but think about how the comment would make him feel. You may not care about being rude to your little brother, but you should think about how your words really affect him. Making a habit of putting yourself in someone else's shoes can make a big difference in how you see the world.
You may not be down on your luck, but someone else may be. Try to imagine what that's like before you're brusque or uncaring to someone who is less fortunate than you.
3-6. Be considerate of others.
Being considerate is another major aspect of being caring. If you want to be considerate, then you have to respect the people around you, and to avoid making a nuisance of yourself. This includes not talking too loudly on the phone on a crowded bus, not minding your own personal space, and not asking your sister how she feels about you inviting her ex boyfriend to your party when she'll be there. Look out for other people and make sure they feel comfortable and respected in your orbit.
Being considerate also includes asking people questions to make sure they're okay. Don't turn up the thermostat in your office before asking if everyone else is as freezing as you are.
You should remember that your words, as well as when you say them, are also an important aspect of being considerate. If you have some negative feedback for a friend or coworker, make sure your language is inoffensive and that you bring it up at the right time.
Tips
Try to have a sweet, nice and humble voice. Speaking calmly shows people that you understand and you're listening.
Always try to start each day with a smile; never underestimate the power of a smile!
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:26",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Caring for Others\\n1-1. Help people in need.\\nHelping people in need is a major aspect of being caring. You can't be a caring person if you're only out to help yourself. Helping other people means helping both the friends and family members who need help in their lives, and also helping out the less fortunate people in your community, or even people you may not know that well who need assistance. Be on the lookout for people who need help and find a productive way to get involved if you want to be more caring.\\nYour friends and family members may not always admit it when they need your help. However, it's up to you to notice when they are just being polite and really need some extra help, whether they want you to do some more chores or to run some errands.\\nGet involved in a soup kitchen, literacy center, local library, teen help program, or another program in your area that allows you to make other people's lives more full.\\nOne way to think about being caring is to think of it like giving energy. How can you give energy back to your community, your culture, your society?\\n1-2. Ask people about their lives.\\nAnother way to be caring is to put more effort into learning about how other people are doing. The next time you talk to someone, whether it's your neighbor or your best friend, ask him or her how he or she is feeling, about what he or she has going on that weekend, or about how his or her day is going. Making the effort to ask the little questions can add up to showing that you really do care. Don't just ask out of obligation, but because you genuinely want to know how the person is doing. \\nHave a balance of talking about yourself and about the other person in any conversation. You don't want to ask a million questions and not reveal anything about yourself, but you also don't want to talk about yourself and not learn anything about the other person, either.\\nRemember that this doesn't mean you have to pry. Asking something innocent like how the person's dogs are doing or if he or she has any fun summer plans, can make the person see that you care without you coming on too strong.\\n1-3. Apologize when you need to.\\nCaring people care about how their actions affect other people. Therefore, they are quick to apologize when they've done something wrong. They don't deny their mistakes, and they are comfortable admitting they're not perfect. If you know you've hurt somebody, then you have to swallow your pride and say something as simple as, \\\"I'm so sorry I hurt your feelings. I really regret what I did,\\\" to show that you're aware of how your actions impact others. Doing this shows that you do care, because you think about how others are feeling.\\nWhen you apologize, make eye contact and avoid other distractions. Show the person that he or she is worth your time.\\nDon't say, \\\"I'm sorry you felt hurt when I made that comment,\\\" because this is an empty apology that will only do more damage.\\n1-4. Do favors for people.\\nCaring people spend time doing favors for people and helping them out when they need it. This doesn't mean you have to become someone's errand boy, but it does mean that you should make an effort to help people out, whether you're picking up coffee for your boyfriend, giving your little brother a ride to school, or helping your best friend pick out the flowers for her wedding. While there should be a balance and the person should do favors for you also if he or she is capable of it, you should make a habit of doing favors for those you care about. \\nThough you don't have to spread yourself too thin, sometimes the greatest joy can come from doing a favor for someone you don't know that well. If you shovel your neighbor's driveway while you're shoveling yours after a snowstorm, the effort will be much appreciated.\\nBe on the lookout. People won't always ask you if they need a favor. Sometimes, you should just be able to tell when they really need your help but don't want to impose.\\n1-5. Share.\\nSharing really is caring. If you want to be a more caring person, then you should be willing to share your things. This means sharing things you actually care about, like clothes you like, or half of your favorite sandwich, not sharing something that means nothing to you, like a book you didn't like much anyway. Be on the lookout for opportunities to share things, whether it's a material object or a piece of advice. People who are caring are unselfish, and sharing is a key trait of a person who is selfless. \\nSharing doesn't only mean material goods. You can also share knowledge. Take the time to talk to a high school student about the college admissions process if you're in college. Talk to someone starting out in your career field about your experiences. Help a younger person on your tennis team master her forehand. Look for opportunities to improve a person's life by sharing what you know.\\n1-6. Check in with people.\\nAnother way to be caring is to let people know that you're thinking about them even when you're not together. To do this, you should check in with your friends or family members, whether it's through sending a text message after your best friend's exam, or calling your cousin on her birthday. Sending cards also gets the message across. Though people are busy and it's unrealistic to talk to multiple friends every day, make a habit of checking in on at least one friend a week will make a big difference.\\nIt's one thing to care about someone when he or she is standing right in front of you, but it's another to check in on that person when he or she is out of sight.\\nIf you know a friend is having a hard time, you should check in on your friend, even if you're just saying hi. You don't have to keep saying, \\\"How are you feeling?\\\" or that might get annoying, but emailing an interesting article or sending your friend a funny text can help cheer him or her up.\\n1-7. Remember the details about people's lives.\\nAnother way to show that you really care is to pay attention to the details that people tell you. This could mean the name of your co-worker's cat, the time when your mom is waiting to hear if she gets a promotion, or the fact that your new friend grew up in Topeka, Kansas. Hold on to these details and bring them up later to show that you care. If you keep forgetting every little thing a person tells you, then it'll start to look like you don't care very much. Make a point of remembering as much as you can about a person's life, and to follow up about it when it matters. \\nOf course, you don't have to remember every little thing. But if you focus on the important details, you'll have a better sense of who the person is and what matters to him or her.\\n1-8. Volunteer.\\nVolunteering is a major way to be more caring. You can volunteer in your community to help out people in need, and you can also find other ways to help out. Volunteer at a local bookstore or library. Volunteer to help clean up a park in your community. Volunteer to bake something for your school's bake sale. Be on the lookout for more opportunities to improve your community and to make a difference in the place where you live.\\nYou can also volunteer in a different city, or even a different country. Spend your spring break building houses for Habitat for Humanity in a different part of your state, or even working to help out in a different country. You'll become more caring by spending more time focusing on improving other people's lives.\\n2. Being More Empathetic\\n2-1. Be sensitive to the feelings of others.\\nIf you want to have a more caring perspective, then you have to spend more time thinking about how other people are feeling. Be on the lookout to see how the people around you are reacting to a given situation, or just how they're feeling when they walk in the door. People who are caring are attuned to the moods of others and can tell when someone is feeling down or upset, and take measures to do something about it. The next time you are around other people, whether you're in class or hanging out with friends, pay attention to how they are feeling in a given situation.\\nPeople who are self-absorbed or who only care about themselves tend not to care when other people around them are upset, even if they caused it. Make sure this isn't you.\\nEven if you're not the one causing the hurt feelings, be aware of how others around you are reacting to a given comment or a piece of news. If you're in a meeting and notice that many people are visibly upset when your boss explains the objectives for a new project, you may want to talk to your boss about it.\\n2-2. Think about how your actions affect other people.\\nYou may be too busy trying to further your own needs to always think about the impact that a certain thing you do or say can have on a person. The next time you do something, whether it's leaving the kitchen for your roommate to clean up because you're having a busy day, or ignoring your best friend's phone call about her breakup, ask yourself how this person would react to whatever it is you did. If the answer is \\\"not well,\\\" then you should think about changing your actions to something that would better suit people. \\nOf course, this doesn't mean that people always have to like or agree with everything you do. Sometimes, you have to do what you believe in without trying to pander to others. But if your behavior is selfish, rude, or unpleasant, then you have to start thinking about making a change.\\n2-3. Pick your battles.\\nCaring people tend to focus on maintaining positive, healthy relationships. Sometimes, this means having arguments or engaging with conflicts with others in order to resolve an issue. However, if you want to be caring, you can think more about cutting people some slack, and about maintaining positive, healthy relationships instead of fighting all the time. The next time you begin an argument or conflict with someone, ask yourself if it's really worth having or if you just want to get some anger off your chest. If you don't think an argument or confrontation can lead to anything productive, then you're better off skipping it. \\nCaring people do voice their concerns when they are having a problem in a relationship or situation. But they tend to focus on keeping things positive instead of fighting if they can avoid it.\\n2-4. Appreciate the people in your life.\\nIf you want to be a more caring person, then you have to appreciate the people in your life as much as you can. Be thankful and grateful for your family members, your friends, your significant other, or any of the people who make your life more meaningful and positive. Don't focus on the things that you're missing or the rude comments you have to deal with sometimes, and think about all of the joy and happiness that people bring to your life instead. This will not only put you in a better frame of mind, but it will make it easier for you to care about the people around you more.\\nIn order to really appreciate the people in your life, you have to thank them as much as you can. Thank them for helping you out during a hard time, for doing you favors, or just for being amazing. Let them know that their presence really does matter in your life.\\nDon't underestimate the power of a written \\\"thank you\\\" card. These cards aren't as common as they used to be, which will make the person who receives them feel all the more special.\\n2-5. Push away feelings of selfishness.\\nThough it's hard to decide to stop being completely selfish one day, anyone can work on being less selfish in his or her daily interactions and everyday life. If you want to be less selfish, then you have to spend more time thinking about how others are feeling instead of always worrying about me, me, me. The next time you have an interaction with someone, focus on how the person is feeling and what he's been up to instead of talking about yourself or only thinking about your own needs. The more aware you are about not being selfish, the easier it will be to truly care for others. \\nRemember that there's a difference between being selfish and in taking good care of yourself and not neglecting your own needs for the sake of what others want.\\n2-6. Pay attention.\\nPeople who are caring enter their daily lives with an attentive perspective. They pay attention to what people do when they are talking to them, and they are sensitive to their needs and feelings. Paying attention to people's facial expressions, gestures, dress, and even their offhand comments, can help paint a complete picture of how that person is really thinking and feeling, and can lead you to be more caring. \\nYour friend may be telling you that she's totally over her breakup, but if you look closely, you'll see bags under her eyes or a puffy nose that indicate otherwise.\\nYour roommate may have a big exam coming up and you may notice that she hasn't had a solid meal in two days; cooking extra food for dinner can make a big difference in her life, and will show that you care.\\n3. Developing Caring Qualities\\n3-1. Be polite.\\nYou may not think that being polite has much to do with being caring, but in fact, being polite will make you a more caring person who is determined to treat the people around him or her with respect. Being polite means having good manners, not being overly vulgar or rude in front of people, holding doors for people and asking people about their day. It also means smiling at people, having common courtesy, and not getting in another person's way. Whether you're at the office, walking down the street, or talking to your sister, you should have a goal of being as polite as possible.\\nYou don't have to be overly formal to be polite. You just have to be considerate of other people and make them feel comfortable in your presence.\\n3-2. Be affectionate.\\nPeople who are caring give affection to the people they love or care about. Whether you're cuddling with your son or holding your girlfriend's hand, it's important to give people affection as a way of showing that you care. Hugs can be very powerful and can bring comfort to people in need. You shouldn't go around giving physical affection to the people you don't know well, but you should give hugs, light touches, kisses, affectionate pats, or other signs of physical love to the people close to you.\\nActions really can speak louder than words sometimes. Though telling a person you care can make a big difference, sometimes giving that person a hug or putting your arm around him or her can have that extra impact.\\n3-3. Listen to people.\\nPeople who are caring take the time to listen to others. They don't spend all day talking about themselves because they are genuinely interested in what other people have to say. When someone is talking to you, make eye contact, put away your phone or other distractions, and don't interrupt the person. If you have advice or a comment, wait until the person is done talking. As you listen, pay attention to more than just the words; watch the person's face and gestures to get the best understanding of how that person is really thinking and feeling.\\nWhen the person is done talking, don't just compare his or her experiences to your own or say, \\\"I know exactly how you feel.\\\" Don't make this about you. Look at the situation on the person's terms.\\nPay attention to the details. If a person is telling you something important, don't just forget about it once the conversation is over; ask about it later.\\nYou don't have to say, \\\"Uh, huh,\\\" or to nod too aggressively when the person is talking to show that you are really listening. Strong eye contact will do a lot of that work for you.\\n3-4. Be more generous.\\nBeing generous, whether it's with your time or your money, can go a long way in being a more caring person. If you want to be caring, then you have to give to others and to not be selfish with what you do have. We all have busy schedules, but it's important to make the time to donate your things, do favors for people in need, or just to compliment a person close to you. Be giving in all senses of the word without forgetting about yourself, and you'll be on your way to being a more caring person.\\nBeing generous with your time is very important. Though you don't want to sacrifice all of your \\\"me time\\\" for the sake of someone else, make a habit of taking the time to listen to a friend or loved one in need.\\n3-5. Treat others like you want to be treated.\\nThis may sound very obvious, but you'd be surprised by how few people actually live by this law. If you want to be more caring, then you have to be kind and thoughtful toward others, and think of how you would feel if you were in their shoes. You may not care much when you make a rude comment to your waiter because you're cranky, but think about how the comment would make him feel. You may not care about being rude to your little brother, but you should think about how your words really affect him. Making a habit of putting yourself in someone else's shoes can make a big difference in how you see the world. \\nYou may not be down on your luck, but someone else may be. Try to imagine what that's like before you're brusque or uncaring to someone who is less fortunate than you.\\n3-6. Be considerate of others.\\nBeing considerate is another major aspect of being caring. If you want to be considerate, then you have to respect the people around you, and to avoid making a nuisance of yourself. This includes not talking too loudly on the phone on a crowded bus, not minding your own personal space, and not asking your sister how she feels about you inviting her ex boyfriend to your party when she'll be there. Look out for other people and make sure they feel comfortable and respected in your orbit.\\nBeing considerate also includes asking people questions to make sure they're okay. Don't turn up the thermostat in your office before asking if everyone else is as freezing as you are.\\nYou should remember that your words, as well as when you say them, are also an important aspect of being considerate. If you have some negative feedback for a friend or coworker, make sure your language is inoffensive and that you bring it up at the right time.\\nTips\\nTry to have a sweet, nice and humble voice. Speaking calmly shows people that you understand and you're listening.\\nAlways try to start each day with a smile; never underestimate the power of a smile!\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being caring allows you to have empathy for others and to live a life based on affection, love, and compassion for the people around you. It can be tempting to fall into a life of selfishness and to focus only on your own goals and desires, but your days will be far more rewarding if you think about what the people in your life are thinking and feeling. Being caring means providing a listening ear, noticing when someone needs help, and helping your community without asking for a reward. If you want to know how to be more caring today, see Step 1 to get started.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Caring for Others\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Help people in need.\", \"描述\": \"Helping people in need is a major aspect of being caring. You can't be a caring person if you're only out to help yourself. Helping other people means helping both the friends and family members who need help in their lives, and also helping out the less fortunate people in your community, or even people you may not know that well who need assistance. Be on the lookout for people who need help and find a productive way to get involved if you want to be more caring.\\nYour friends and family members may not always admit it when they need your help. However, it's up to you to notice when they are just being polite and really need some extra help, whether they want you to do some more chores or to run some errands.\\nGet involved in a soup kitchen, literacy center, local library, teen help program, or another program in your area that allows you to make other people's lives more full.\\nOne way to think about being caring is to think of it like giving energy. How can you give energy back to your community, your culture, your society?\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Ask people about their lives.\", \"描述\": \"Another way to be caring is to put more effort into learning about how other people are doing. The next time you talk to someone, whether it's your neighbor or your best friend, ask him or her how he or she is feeling, about what he or she has going on that weekend, or about how his or her day is going. Making the effort to ask the little questions can add up to showing that you really do care. Don't just ask out of obligation, but because you genuinely want to know how the person is doing. \\nHave a balance of talking about yourself and about the other person in any conversation. You don't want to ask a million questions and not reveal anything about yourself, but you also don't want to talk about yourself and not learn anything about the other person, either.\\nRemember that this doesn't mean you have to pry. Asking something innocent like how the person's dogs are doing or if he or she has any fun summer plans, can make the person see that you care without you coming on too strong.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Apologize when you need to.\", \"描述\": \"Caring people care about how their actions affect other people. Therefore, they are quick to apologize when they've done something wrong. They don't deny their mistakes, and they are comfortable admitting they're not perfect. If you know you've hurt somebody, then you have to swallow your pride and say something as simple as, \\\"I'm so sorry I hurt your feelings. I really regret what I did,\\\" to show that you're aware of how your actions impact others. Doing this shows that you do care, because you think about how others are feeling.\\nWhen you apologize, make eye contact and avoid other distractions. Show the person that he or she is worth your time.\\nDon't say, \\\"I'm sorry you felt hurt when I made that comment,\\\" because this is an empty apology that will only do more damage.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Do favors for people.\", \"描述\": \"Caring people spend time doing favors for people and helping them out when they need it. This doesn't mean you have to become someone's errand boy, but it does mean that you should make an effort to help people out, whether you're picking up coffee for your boyfriend, giving your little brother a ride to school, or helping your best friend pick out the flowers for her wedding. While there should be a balance and the person should do favors for you also if he or she is capable of it, you should make a habit of doing favors for those you care about. \\nThough you don't have to spread yourself too thin, sometimes the greatest joy can come from doing a favor for someone you don't know that well. If you shovel your neighbor's driveway while you're shoveling yours after a snowstorm, the effort will be much appreciated.\\nBe on the lookout. People won't always ask you if they need a favor. Sometimes, you should just be able to tell when they really need your help but don't want to impose.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Share.\", \"描述\": \"Sharing really is caring. If you want to be a more caring person, then you should be willing to share your things. This means sharing things you actually care about, like clothes you like, or half of your favorite sandwich, not sharing something that means nothing to you, like a book you didn't like much anyway. Be on the lookout for opportunities to share things, whether it's a material object or a piece of advice. People who are caring are unselfish, and sharing is a key trait of a person who is selfless. \\nSharing doesn't only mean material goods. You can also share knowledge. Take the time to talk to a high school student about the college admissions process if you're in college. Talk to someone starting out in your career field about your experiences. Help a younger person on your tennis team master her forehand. Look for opportunities to improve a person's life by sharing what you know.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Check in with people.\", \"描述\": \"Another way to be caring is to let people know that you're thinking about them even when you're not together. To do this, you should check in with your friends or family members, whether it's through sending a text message after your best friend's exam, or calling your cousin on her birthday. Sending cards also gets the message across. Though people are busy and it's unrealistic to talk to multiple friends every day, make a habit of checking in on at least one friend a week will make a big difference.\\nIt's one thing to care about someone when he or she is standing right in front of you, but it's another to check in on that person when he or she is out of sight.\\nIf you know a friend is having a hard time, you should check in on your friend, even if you're just saying hi. You don't have to keep saying, \\\"How are you feeling?\\\" or that might get annoying, but emailing an interesting article or sending your friend a funny text can help cheer him or her up.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Remember the details about people's lives.\", \"描述\": \"Another way to show that you really care is to pay attention to the details that people tell you. This could mean the name of your co-worker's cat, the time when your mom is waiting to hear if she gets a promotion, or the fact that your new friend grew up in Topeka, Kansas. Hold on to these details and bring them up later to show that you care. If you keep forgetting every little thing a person tells you, then it'll start to look like you don't care very much. Make a point of remembering as much as you can about a person's life, and to follow up about it when it matters. \\nOf course, you don't have to remember every little thing. But if you focus on the important details, you'll have a better sense of who the person is and what matters to him or her.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Volunteer.\", \"描述\": \"Volunteering is a major way to be more caring. You can volunteer in your community to help out people in need, and you can also find other ways to help out. Volunteer at a local bookstore or library. Volunteer to help clean up a park in your community. Volunteer to bake something for your school's bake sale. Be on the lookout for more opportunities to improve your community and to make a difference in the place where you live.\\nYou can also volunteer in a different city, or even a different country. Spend your spring break building houses for Habitat for Humanity in a different part of your state, or even working to help out in a different country. You'll become more caring by spending more time focusing on improving other people's lives.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being More Empathetic\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be sensitive to the feelings of others.\", \"描述\": \"If you want to have a more caring perspective, then you have to spend more time thinking about how other people are feeling. Be on the lookout to see how the people around you are reacting to a given situation, or just how they're feeling when they walk in the door. People who are caring are attuned to the moods of others and can tell when someone is feeling down or upset, and take measures to do something about it. The next time you are around other people, whether you're in class or hanging out with friends, pay attention to how they are feeling in a given situation.\\nPeople who are self-absorbed or who only care about themselves tend not to care when other people around them are upset, even if they caused it. Make sure this isn't you.\\nEven if you're not the one causing the hurt feelings, be aware of how others around you are reacting to a given comment or a piece of news. If you're in a meeting and notice that many people are visibly upset when your boss explains the objectives for a new project, you may want to talk to your boss about it.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Think about how your actions affect other people.\", \"描述\": \"You may be too busy trying to further your own needs to always think about the impact that a certain thing you do or say can have on a person. The next time you do something, whether it's leaving the kitchen for your roommate to clean up because you're having a busy day, or ignoring your best friend's phone call about her breakup, ask yourself how this person would react to whatever it is you did. If the answer is \\\"not well,\\\" then you should think about changing your actions to something that would better suit people. \\nOf course, this doesn't mean that people always have to like or agree with everything you do. Sometimes, you have to do what you believe in without trying to pander to others. But if your behavior is selfish, rude, or unpleasant, then you have to start thinking about making a change.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Pick your battles.\", \"描述\": \"Caring people tend to focus on maintaining positive, healthy relationships. Sometimes, this means having arguments or engaging with conflicts with others in order to resolve an issue. However, if you want to be caring, you can think more about cutting people some slack, and about maintaining positive, healthy relationships instead of fighting all the time. The next time you begin an argument or conflict with someone, ask yourself if it's really worth having or if you just want to get some anger off your chest. If you don't think an argument or confrontation can lead to anything productive, then you're better off skipping it. \\nCaring people do voice their concerns when they are having a problem in a relationship or situation. But they tend to focus on keeping things positive instead of fighting if they can avoid it.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Appreciate the people in your life.\", \"描述\": \"If you want to be a more caring person, then you have to appreciate the people in your life as much as you can. Be thankful and grateful for your family members, your friends, your significant other, or any of the people who make your life more meaningful and positive. Don't focus on the things that you're missing or the rude comments you have to deal with sometimes, and think about all of the joy and happiness that people bring to your life instead. This will not only put you in a better frame of mind, but it will make it easier for you to care about the people around you more.\\nIn order to really appreciate the people in your life, you have to thank them as much as you can. Thank them for helping you out during a hard time, for doing you favors, or just for being amazing. Let them know that their presence really does matter in your life.\\nDon't underestimate the power of a written \\\"thank you\\\" card. These cards aren't as common as they used to be, which will make the person who receives them feel all the more special.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Push away feelings of selfishness.\", \"描述\": \"Though it's hard to decide to stop being completely selfish one day, anyone can work on being less selfish in his or her daily interactions and everyday life. If you want to be less selfish, then you have to spend more time thinking about how others are feeling instead of always worrying about me, me, me. The next time you have an interaction with someone, focus on how the person is feeling and what he's been up to instead of talking about yourself or only thinking about your own needs. The more aware you are about not being selfish, the easier it will be to truly care for others. \\nRemember that there's a difference between being selfish and in taking good care of yourself and not neglecting your own needs for the sake of what others want.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Pay attention.\", \"描述\": \"People who are caring enter their daily lives with an attentive perspective. They pay attention to what people do when they are talking to them, and they are sensitive to their needs and feelings. Paying attention to people's facial expressions, gestures, dress, and even their offhand comments, can help paint a complete picture of how that person is really thinking and feeling, and can lead you to be more caring. \\nYour friend may be telling you that she's totally over her breakup, but if you look closely, you'll see bags under her eyes or a puffy nose that indicate otherwise.\\nYour roommate may have a big exam coming up and you may notice that she hasn't had a solid meal in two days; cooking extra food for dinner can make a big difference in her life, and will show that you care.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Developing Caring Qualities\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be polite.\", \"描述\": \"You may not think that being polite has much to do with being caring, but in fact, being polite will make you a more caring person who is determined to treat the people around him or her with respect. Being polite means having good manners, not being overly vulgar or rude in front of people, holding doors for people and asking people about their day. It also means smiling at people, having common courtesy, and not getting in another person's way. Whether you're at the office, walking down the street, or talking to your sister, you should have a goal of being as polite as possible.\\nYou don't have to be overly formal to be polite. You just have to be considerate of other people and make them feel comfortable in your presence.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be affectionate.\", \"描述\": \"People who are caring give affection to the people they love or care about. Whether you're cuddling with your son or holding your girlfriend's hand, it's important to give people affection as a way of showing that you care. Hugs can be very powerful and can bring comfort to people in need. You shouldn't go around giving physical affection to the people you don't know well, but you should give hugs, light touches, kisses, affectionate pats, or other signs of physical love to the people close to you.\\nActions really can speak louder than words sometimes. Though telling a person you care can make a big difference, sometimes giving that person a hug or putting your arm around him or her can have that extra impact.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Listen to people.\", \"描述\": \"People who are caring take the time to listen to others. They don't spend all day talking about themselves because they are genuinely interested in what other people have to say. When someone is talking to you, make eye contact, put away your phone or other distractions, and don't interrupt the person. If you have advice or a comment, wait until the person is done talking. As you listen, pay attention to more than just the words; watch the person's face and gestures to get the best understanding of how that person is really thinking and feeling.\\nWhen the person is done talking, don't just compare his or her experiences to your own or say, \\\"I know exactly how you feel.\\\" Don't make this about you. Look at the situation on the person's terms.\\nPay attention to the details. If a person is telling you something important, don't just forget about it once the conversation is over; ask about it later.\\nYou don't have to say, \\\"Uh, huh,\\\" or to nod too aggressively when the person is talking to show that you are really listening. Strong eye contact will do a lot of that work for you.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be more generous.\", \"描述\": \"Being generous, whether it's with your time or your money, can go a long way in being a more caring person. If you want to be caring, then you have to give to others and to not be selfish with what you do have. We all have busy schedules, but it's important to make the time to donate your things, do favors for people in need, or just to compliment a person close to you. Be giving in all senses of the word without forgetting about yourself, and you'll be on your way to being a more caring person.\\nBeing generous with your time is very important. Though you don't want to sacrifice all of your \\\"me time\\\" for the sake of someone else, make a habit of taking the time to listen to a friend or loved one in need.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Treat others like you want to be treated.\", \"描述\": \"This may sound very obvious, but you'd be surprised by how few people actually live by this law. If you want to be more caring, then you have to be kind and thoughtful toward others, and think of how you would feel if you were in their shoes. You may not care much when you make a rude comment to your waiter because you're cranky, but think about how the comment would make him feel. You may not care about being rude to your little brother, but you should think about how your words really affect him. Making a habit of putting yourself in someone else's shoes can make a big difference in how you see the world. \\nYou may not be down on your luck, but someone else may be. Try to imagine what that's like before you're brusque or uncaring to someone who is less fortunate than you.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Be considerate of others.\", \"描述\": \"Being considerate is another major aspect of being caring. If you want to be considerate, then you have to respect the people around you, and to avoid making a nuisance of yourself. This includes not talking too loudly on the phone on a crowded bus, not minding your own personal space, and not asking your sister how she feels about you inviting her ex boyfriend to your party when she'll be there. Look out for other people and make sure they feel comfortable and respected in your orbit.\\nBeing considerate also includes asking people questions to make sure they're okay. Don't turn up the thermostat in your office before asking if everyone else is as freezing as you are.\\nYou should remember that your words, as well as when you say them, are also an important aspect of being considerate. If you have some negative feedback for a friend or coworker, make sure your language is inoffensive and that you bring it up at the right time.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Try to have a sweet, nice and humble voice. Speaking calmly shows people that you understand and you're listening.\\n\", \"Always try to start each day with a smile; never underestimate the power of a smile!\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,592 | How to Be Casual | 1. Dressing Casual
1-1. Take advantage of Casual Friday at work.
Friday at the office can be a great opportunity to hone your casual dressing skills if, of course, your company declares Fridays a casual day for dress. Men can try wearing dark jeans with a wool blazer and loafers. Women can take advantage of Casual Friday by wearing dark denim jeans or a skirt and a nice blouse.
If it's really nice out, you could wear a nice pair of shorts. There are a lot of varieties you can try, from Bermuda and jean shorts to leather and 5 in (13 cm) shorts.
1-2. Try out a “smart casual look” at the office.
The key to dressing smart casual is a chic ensemble that looks put together. Women can try a skirt and jacket over a brightly colored blouse accessorized with unique jewelry and a pair of closed toe pumps. Men can pair dressy slacks with brightly colored or patterned shirts and ties, topping off the look with a sports coat or jacket and a pair of monk-strapped shoes or loafers.
Go for a layered look that doesn't show too much skin, like a blazer paired with jeans or slacks.
1-3. Wear a “business casual” outfit to work.
Men can rock the “business casual” look by wearing shirts and sweater in a variety of patterns and colors paired with slacks or corduroy pants and elegant, yet relaxed shoes. Women can try fashionable combinations of skirts, tops, vests, and slacks with closed or even open toe shoes.
1-4. Look casual yet put together on the weekends.
Dressing casually on the weekends doesn’t have to mean sweatpants and an old t-shirt. Women can dress casually on the weekends and still look put together by pairing distressed denim skirts or jeans with more refined pieces such as a nice handbag and coat. Men can try wearing nice jeans and a V-neck shirt topped with a sweater or sports coat.
For a more dressy casual look, pair some skinny or straight jeans with some heels, a cami, an oversized blazer, and some statement earrings or a statement necklace.
Wear plenty of layers if the weather is inconsistent. For instance, you could pair a shirt with blue jeans and layer a lightweight cardigan over top.
1-5. Try out an athleisure look.
It is becoming increasingly acceptable to don your athletic wear on a regular basis as long as you’re not wearing it to work. Make sure you keep up with seasonal trends and accessorize appropriately. For example, you can try wearing leggings with a long sweater and a scarf.
If you are a student, be sure to consult your school’s dress code before wearing certain athleisure items to class.
1-6. Wear comfortable fabrics.
The key here is opting for fabrics that move with you, such as denim that contains spandex. This is a way to stay comfortable while looking great - you can be casual and comfortable while still looking put together. Try wearing stretchy jeans with your favorite comfy sweater and then accessorizing with a nice pair of earrings. You’ll come off as cool and casual while still feeling good in your clothes.
Always buy a size down when you're shopping for stretchy pants. It's easy to stretch out materials like lycra, spandex, and elastane to a point where they don't fit you anymore.
2. Having a Casual Attitude
2-1. Don’t take yourself too seriously.
If you want to develop a casual attitude it’s important to not take yourself too seriously. Keep your sense of humor when unexpected things happen in your life and remember that you are a tiny fish in a big ocean. Your problems today will likely seem less important tomorrow.
2-2. Go with the flow.
This is especially important in group settings. If you want to have a casual attitude around friends, family, and even your co-workers, it’s important to go with the flow of the group. For example, if you are going to the movies with friends and everyone but you wants to see a certain flick, don’t push the issue. See the movie your friends want to see this time.
Be careful to not be a pushover. Being casual doesn’t mean that you have to always agree with others. It’s okay to rock the boat and politely disagree when necessary.
2-3. Try to relax.
Part of having a casual attitude is learning how to slow down and relax. Instead of treating every minor mishap as a life-altering event, try to look at things in a broader perspective. Try breathing deeply when something unwanted occurs in your life instead of letting it ruin your day.
Feeling internally grounded and relaxed can help you develop a casual attitude. Practices like meditation can teach you to be mindful, peaceful, and take on challenges with greater ease.
3. Being Casual about Dating
3-1. Be clear about your intentions.
If you’re interested in dating someone casually as opposed to committing to a monogamous relationship, be sure you are clear about these intentions with the man or woman you are dating. Try saying, “Mark, I really enjoy spending time with you but I am not in a place for a serious, committed relationship. Can we keep it casual?”
3-2. Make sure you are both on the same page.
It’s key that everyone’s on the same page about being in a casual relationship. Once you’ve made your intentions clear, talk with the other person about what is and what is not permissible in your casual relationship. You can try sitting down with them and making a list – paper or mental – of dos and don’ts such as sleeping with other people.
3-3. Refrain from meeting each other’s friends and family.
If you are involved in a casual relationship you shouldn’t be making the emotional investment of spending time with the important people in each other’s lives. Meeting and hanging out with someone’s best friends or parents should be reserved for a serious, committed relationship.
3-4. Always practice safe sex.
You should always practice safe sex and this is especially important if you are involved in a casual relationship where one or both of the partners may be having sex with other people. A sexually transmitted disease or unwanted pregnancy are the last things most casual daters want to deal with. Make sure you and your partners are using protection each and every time you have sex, which includes oral sex.
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"create_time": "20230517 10:50:26",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Dressing Casual\\n1-1. Take advantage of Casual Friday at work.\\nFriday at the office can be a great opportunity to hone your casual dressing skills if, of course, your company declares Fridays a casual day for dress. Men can try wearing dark jeans with a wool blazer and loafers. Women can take advantage of Casual Friday by wearing dark denim jeans or a skirt and a nice blouse.\\nIf it's really nice out, you could wear a nice pair of shorts. There are a lot of varieties you can try, from Bermuda and jean shorts to leather and 5 in (13 cm) shorts.\\n1-2. Try out a “smart casual look” at the office.\\nThe key to dressing smart casual is a chic ensemble that looks put together. Women can try a skirt and jacket over a brightly colored blouse accessorized with unique jewelry and a pair of closed toe pumps. Men can pair dressy slacks with brightly colored or patterned shirts and ties, topping off the look with a sports coat or jacket and a pair of monk-strapped shoes or loafers.\\nGo for a layered look that doesn't show too much skin, like a blazer paired with jeans or slacks.\\n1-3. Wear a “business casual” outfit to work.\\nMen can rock the “business casual” look by wearing shirts and sweater in a variety of patterns and colors paired with slacks or corduroy pants and elegant, yet relaxed shoes. Women can try fashionable combinations of skirts, tops, vests, and slacks with closed or even open toe shoes.\\n1-4. Look casual yet put together on the weekends.\\nDressing casually on the weekends doesn’t have to mean sweatpants and an old t-shirt. Women can dress casually on the weekends and still look put together by pairing distressed denim skirts or jeans with more refined pieces such as a nice handbag and coat. Men can try wearing nice jeans and a V-neck shirt topped with a sweater or sports coat. \\nFor a more dressy casual look, pair some skinny or straight jeans with some heels, a cami, an oversized blazer, and some statement earrings or a statement necklace.\\nWear plenty of layers if the weather is inconsistent. For instance, you could pair a shirt with blue jeans and layer a lightweight cardigan over top.\\n1-5. Try out an athleisure look.\\nIt is becoming increasingly acceptable to don your athletic wear on a regular basis as long as you’re not wearing it to work. Make sure you keep up with seasonal trends and accessorize appropriately. For example, you can try wearing leggings with a long sweater and a scarf.\\nIf you are a student, be sure to consult your school’s dress code before wearing certain athleisure items to class.\\n1-6. Wear comfortable fabrics.\\nThe key here is opting for fabrics that move with you, such as denim that contains spandex. This is a way to stay comfortable while looking great - you can be casual and comfortable while still looking put together. Try wearing stretchy jeans with your favorite comfy sweater and then accessorizing with a nice pair of earrings. You’ll come off as cool and casual while still feeling good in your clothes.\\nAlways buy a size down when you're shopping for stretchy pants. It's easy to stretch out materials like lycra, spandex, and elastane to a point where they don't fit you anymore.\\n2. Having a Casual Attitude\\n2-1. Don’t take yourself too seriously.\\nIf you want to develop a casual attitude it’s important to not take yourself too seriously. Keep your sense of humor when unexpected things happen in your life and remember that you are a tiny fish in a big ocean. Your problems today will likely seem less important tomorrow.\\n2-2. Go with the flow.\\nThis is especially important in group settings. If you want to have a casual attitude around friends, family, and even your co-workers, it’s important to go with the flow of the group. For example, if you are going to the movies with friends and everyone but you wants to see a certain flick, don’t push the issue. See the movie your friends want to see this time.\\nBe careful to not be a pushover. Being casual doesn’t mean that you have to always agree with others. It’s okay to rock the boat and politely disagree when necessary.\\n2-3. Try to relax.\\nPart of having a casual attitude is learning how to slow down and relax. Instead of treating every minor mishap as a life-altering event, try to look at things in a broader perspective. Try breathing deeply when something unwanted occurs in your life instead of letting it ruin your day.\\nFeeling internally grounded and relaxed can help you develop a casual attitude. Practices like meditation can teach you to be mindful, peaceful, and take on challenges with greater ease.\\n3. Being Casual about Dating\\n3-1. Be clear about your intentions.\\nIf you’re interested in dating someone casually as opposed to committing to a monogamous relationship, be sure you are clear about these intentions with the man or woman you are dating. Try saying, “Mark, I really enjoy spending time with you but I am not in a place for a serious, committed relationship. Can we keep it casual?”\\n3-2. Make sure you are both on the same page.\\nIt’s key that everyone’s on the same page about being in a casual relationship. Once you’ve made your intentions clear, talk with the other person about what is and what is not permissible in your casual relationship. You can try sitting down with them and making a list – paper or mental – of dos and don’ts such as sleeping with other people.\\n3-3. Refrain from meeting each other’s friends and family.\\nIf you are involved in a casual relationship you shouldn’t be making the emotional investment of spending time with the important people in each other’s lives. Meeting and hanging out with someone’s best friends or parents should be reserved for a serious, committed relationship.\\n3-4. Always practice safe sex.\\nYou should always practice safe sex and this is especially important if you are involved in a casual relationship where one or both of the partners may be having sex with other people. A sexually transmitted disease or unwanted pregnancy are the last things most casual daters want to deal with. Make sure you and your partners are using protection each and every time you have sex, which includes oral sex.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being casual can mean a lot of things depending on whether you’re referring to having a casual physical appearance, attitude, or dating style. If you’re casual in appearance, you may dress more comfortably and wear t-shirts, leggings, and/or denim. Those with a casual attitude may have a carefree, relaxed, laid-back attitude and approach to most situations. Casual dating typically involves easy-going, fun interactions without the pressure of commitment or emotional investment. To be more casual overall, try to dress, act and think, and/or date more casually.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Dressing Casual\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Take advantage of Casual Friday at work.\", \"描述\": \"Friday at the office can be a great opportunity to hone your casual dressing skills if, of course, your company declares Fridays a casual day for dress. Men can try wearing dark jeans with a wool blazer and loafers. Women can take advantage of Casual Friday by wearing dark denim jeans or a skirt and a nice blouse.\\nIf it's really nice out, you could wear a nice pair of shorts. There are a lot of varieties you can try, from Bermuda and jean shorts to leather and 5 in (13 cm) shorts.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Try out a “smart casual look” at the office.\", \"描述\": \"The key to dressing smart casual is a chic ensemble that looks put together. Women can try a skirt and jacket over a brightly colored blouse accessorized with unique jewelry and a pair of closed toe pumps. Men can pair dressy slacks with brightly colored or patterned shirts and ties, topping off the look with a sports coat or jacket and a pair of monk-strapped shoes or loafers.\\nGo for a layered look that doesn't show too much skin, like a blazer paired with jeans or slacks.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Wear a “business casual” outfit to work.\", \"描述\": \"Men can rock the “business casual” look by wearing shirts and sweater in a variety of patterns and colors paired with slacks or corduroy pants and elegant, yet relaxed shoes. Women can try fashionable combinations of skirts, tops, vests, and slacks with closed or even open toe shoes.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Look casual yet put together on the weekends.\", \"描述\": \"Dressing casually on the weekends doesn’t have to mean sweatpants and an old t-shirt. Women can dress casually on the weekends and still look put together by pairing distressed denim skirts or jeans with more refined pieces such as a nice handbag and coat. Men can try wearing nice jeans and a V-neck shirt topped with a sweater or sports coat. \\nFor a more dressy casual look, pair some skinny or straight jeans with some heels, a cami, an oversized blazer, and some statement earrings or a statement necklace.\\nWear plenty of layers if the weather is inconsistent. For instance, you could pair a shirt with blue jeans and layer a lightweight cardigan over top.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Try out an athleisure look.\", \"描述\": \"It is becoming increasingly acceptable to don your athletic wear on a regular basis as long as you’re not wearing it to work. Make sure you keep up with seasonal trends and accessorize appropriately. For example, you can try wearing leggings with a long sweater and a scarf.\\nIf you are a student, be sure to consult your school’s dress code before wearing certain athleisure items to class.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Wear comfortable fabrics.\", \"描述\": \"The key here is opting for fabrics that move with you, such as denim that contains spandex. This is a way to stay comfortable while looking great - you can be casual and comfortable while still looking put together. Try wearing stretchy jeans with your favorite comfy sweater and then accessorizing with a nice pair of earrings. You’ll come off as cool and casual while still feeling good in your clothes.\\nAlways buy a size down when you're shopping for stretchy pants. It's easy to stretch out materials like lycra, spandex, and elastane to a point where they don't fit you anymore.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Having a Casual Attitude\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Don’t take yourself too seriously.\", \"描述\": \"If you want to develop a casual attitude it’s important to not take yourself too seriously. Keep your sense of humor when unexpected things happen in your life and remember that you are a tiny fish in a big ocean. Your problems today will likely seem less important tomorrow.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Go with the flow.\", \"描述\": \"This is especially important in group settings. If you want to have a casual attitude around friends, family, and even your co-workers, it’s important to go with the flow of the group. For example, if you are going to the movies with friends and everyone but you wants to see a certain flick, don’t push the issue. See the movie your friends want to see this time.\\nBe careful to not be a pushover. Being casual doesn’t mean that you have to always agree with others. It’s okay to rock the boat and politely disagree when necessary.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Try to relax.\", \"描述\": \"Part of having a casual attitude is learning how to slow down and relax. Instead of treating every minor mishap as a life-altering event, try to look at things in a broader perspective. Try breathing deeply when something unwanted occurs in your life instead of letting it ruin your day.\\nFeeling internally grounded and relaxed can help you develop a casual attitude. Practices like meditation can teach you to be mindful, peaceful, and take on challenges with greater ease.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Being Casual about Dating\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be clear about your intentions.\", \"描述\": \"If you’re interested in dating someone casually as opposed to committing to a monogamous relationship, be sure you are clear about these intentions with the man or woman you are dating. Try saying, “Mark, I really enjoy spending time with you but I am not in a place for a serious, committed relationship. Can we keep it casual?”\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Make sure you are both on the same page.\", \"描述\": \"It’s key that everyone’s on the same page about being in a casual relationship. Once you’ve made your intentions clear, talk with the other person about what is and what is not permissible in your casual relationship. You can try sitting down with them and making a list – paper or mental – of dos and don’ts such as sleeping with other people.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Refrain from meeting each other’s friends and family.\", \"描述\": \"If you are involved in a casual relationship you shouldn’t be making the emotional investment of spending time with the important people in each other’s lives. Meeting and hanging out with someone’s best friends or parents should be reserved for a serious, committed relationship.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Always practice safe sex.\", \"描述\": \"You should always practice safe sex and this is especially important if you are involved in a casual relationship where one or both of the partners may be having sex with other people. A sexually transmitted disease or unwanted pregnancy are the last things most casual daters want to deal with. Make sure you and your partners are using protection each and every time you have sex, which includes oral sex.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,593 | How to Be Cat Like | 1. Doing Cat Activities
1-1. Sleep a lot and take cat naps.
Cats are notorious for sleeping anytime and anywhere. To be like a cat, make sure you get a full night's sleep as well as other quick naps throughout the day. A quick catnap should take about 15 to 20 minutes, so you can take several throughout the day. If you can't sleep during the day try to rest early in the morning. Try to sleep for an hour, if you can.
Find a nice sun patch for a warm, cozy sun bath. Cats are usually classified as lazy, but hey, what's wrong with being comfortable?
Curl up in a comfy cushion or a fresh pile of warm laundry in a ball or the fetal position. Cats protect their stomachs when they sleep as this is their vulnerable spot.
1-2. Do yoga to stretch your muscles out.
After waking up from a satisfying nap or a long night's rest, stretch out your body. Like a cat, take your time stretching every muscle and waking your body up. A quick sun salutation is a great stretching routine and it has poses that resemble a cat's. Yawn to stretch your face muscles and look like a cat waking up as well.
1-3. Clean yourself often.
Cats groom themselves by licking and pawing their faces to clean off food, odors, and excess hair. Shower at least once a day if not more to keep yourself free from dirt and extra oils. Throughout each day, check your appearance in a mirror and clean up after mealtimes.
Some cats are declawed and others aren't, but growing your nails out and having them shaped into a point is another way to be like a cat.
Brush your hair so that you don't shed hair throughout the day and it stays free from tangles and matting.
1-4. Spend time playing outside.
Watch birds, practice climbing trees, and get out and explore nature around you. Be active to keep yourself healthy and in the mindset of an adventurous cat. Once you've worn yourself out, take a nap in the sun.
Cats like to be entertained and around other cats. Spend time playing and lounging with others.
Hunting is an activity that will get you in the mindset of a cat. Even an indoor cat will hunt and chase after toys.
2. Communicating Like a Cat
2-1. Use body language to communicate your feelings instead of simply your words.
Without saying a word, you can communicate your moods, just like a cat. Turn your back and walk out of the room if you're bored or tired. Sit close to someone if you're enjoying their company and close your eyes when you smile to show that you're content and happy.
You don't have a tail or ears like a cat, but you can still use your face to express your emotions to people without talking.
Or for example, you can pace back and forth when impatient for dinner to be ready or back away when you don't want someone to try and touch or hug you.
2-2. Experiment with the tone of your voice.
Talk in an upbeat tone when you're happy and content and incorporate a growl into your voice when you're mad. You don't have to meow exactly like a cat, but you can copy their sounds. For example, cats chirp and mew at things they like so you could make high pitched, happy squeals when you see someone or something you love.
To show displeasure, you can hiss like a cat does when it's threatened or irritated.
If you want to be able to talk with cats, mimic their meows and sounds the best you can. Listen to how they talk and mimic them.
2-3. Have a signature scent.
Cats communicate with pheromones that humans aren't sensitive to pick up to attract mates and warn other cats to stay away. Pick out a perfume or body spray that smells good so that others will want to be around you.
In the chance that you want to repel someone, make a point to cook with garlic and onions or handle other foul smelling materials and don't wash them off.
2-4. Blink slowly to show that you like someone.
Oftentimes people think cats are glaring at them when in reality, cats blink slowly to show that they like someone. Blink slowly and evenly to show affection. This is especially effective when you're getting to know a new cat and want to communicate that you're a friend.
Some people may not recognize this behavior and it may look more like glaring.
Consider batting your eyes slowly instead to be less intimidating.
2-5. Swat someone who is irritating you to warn them.
If you ever need to fight, hold back from going all out and physically attacking someone. Instead, quickly bat someone on the arm to alert them of a coming altercation. Cats will swat at other cats, dogs, and humans at the start of a fight and sometimes it won't need to escalate to a real fight.
A warning swat doesn't need to be hard, just swift and sharp enough to get someone's attention.
If a real fight does break out, cats will bite and scratch their opponents. Just be cautious and consider the consequences of using these methods in a real fight with someone.
3. Behaving Like a Cat Around Other People
3-1. Stay alert and aware of your surroundings.
Cats have highly sensitive hearing and smell so they're aware of the world around them. Whether you're doing nothing or in the middle of a project of conversation, pay attention to what's going on around you. It's a good practice for being safe but also being as observant as a cat.
Reacting erratically and jumping at things that startle you is another way you can imitate cats.
If you hear a weird sound or smell something fishy, investigate it. Cats are curious and you should be too.
3-2. Be shy around people you don't know but warm and welcoming once you've met.
Cats are generally cautious and sometimes standoffish with people at first. Don't just be friends with everyone you meet right away, that's acting more like a dog. Make people earn your trust and friendship. This way, you'll have valuable friendships for life.
3-3. Ignore people and then request attention when you want it.
Be picky with how much time you spend with people. Cats don't always like to be showered with attention and therefore neither should you. Walk away from someone if you need some alone time. You can simply rejoin a conversation when you're ready to be social again.
Demand your own personal space. If you need to be alone, don't let people bother you. Cats will let you know by hissing or growling if they're tired of attention.
Being talkative will let people know you want to socialize, and refraining from talking will also alert people that you're done with socializing, just like a cat.
3-4. Gently head-butt and nuzzle people you like.
Once you're close with someone, you can show them affection, especially physically. Cats like to massage people with their paws and rub their heads to mark their territory. You can give friends back rubs or nuzzle your significant other to show them that you like them.
Only do these things to people you're close with, or they might not understand what you're doing.
3-5. Bring people presents.
Cats bring their loved ones food to show affection. Giving your friends little gifts like bracelets and little trinkets is a good way to show them you care and are thinking of them.
Cats also hunt and leave their kill to provide food to their owners. You can take care of the people you like by feeding them, such as cooking full meals or sharing part of your lunch.
3-6. Be mischievous.
Make little messes by knocking things off of counters, sit on people when they're trying to work on something, or be nosy and poke around in cupboard and behind doors. Cats are adorable but can get in your way and be inconvenient. Have a little fun for example and block someone's view of the television when they're trying to watch something.
Be obnoxious. If someone asks you to stop, don't respect their space and don't dial back the cat mimicking.
Tips
Observe cats to learn more about their behaviors and movements. If you can't have a pet cat, spend time at a friend's house who has one.
Watch the movies like Catwoman or the musical Cats to watch how humans can mimic feline agility, movement, and body language.
If you can fit into small spaces, hide in them and whenever you're bored just walk or crawl out like nothing happened. Incorporate spaces in your home that you can hide in. Try getting a big cardboard box and climb into it.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:26",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Doing Cat Activities\\n1-1. Sleep a lot and take cat naps.\\nCats are notorious for sleeping anytime and anywhere. To be like a cat, make sure you get a full night's sleep as well as other quick naps throughout the day. A quick catnap should take about 15 to 20 minutes, so you can take several throughout the day. If you can't sleep during the day try to rest early in the morning. Try to sleep for an hour, if you can.\\nFind a nice sun patch for a warm, cozy sun bath. Cats are usually classified as lazy, but hey, what's wrong with being comfortable?\\nCurl up in a comfy cushion or a fresh pile of warm laundry in a ball or the fetal position. Cats protect their stomachs when they sleep as this is their vulnerable spot.\\n1-2. Do yoga to stretch your muscles out.\\nAfter waking up from a satisfying nap or a long night's rest, stretch out your body. Like a cat, take your time stretching every muscle and waking your body up. A quick sun salutation is a great stretching routine and it has poses that resemble a cat's. Yawn to stretch your face muscles and look like a cat waking up as well.\\n1-3. Clean yourself often.\\nCats groom themselves by licking and pawing their faces to clean off food, odors, and excess hair. Shower at least once a day if not more to keep yourself free from dirt and extra oils. Throughout each day, check your appearance in a mirror and clean up after mealtimes.\\nSome cats are declawed and others aren't, but growing your nails out and having them shaped into a point is another way to be like a cat.\\nBrush your hair so that you don't shed hair throughout the day and it stays free from tangles and matting.\\n1-4. Spend time playing outside.\\nWatch birds, practice climbing trees, and get out and explore nature around you. Be active to keep yourself healthy and in the mindset of an adventurous cat. Once you've worn yourself out, take a nap in the sun.\\nCats like to be entertained and around other cats. Spend time playing and lounging with others.\\nHunting is an activity that will get you in the mindset of a cat. Even an indoor cat will hunt and chase after toys.\\n2. Communicating Like a Cat\\n2-1. Use body language to communicate your feelings instead of simply your words.\\nWithout saying a word, you can communicate your moods, just like a cat. Turn your back and walk out of the room if you're bored or tired. Sit close to someone if you're enjoying their company and close your eyes when you smile to show that you're content and happy.\\nYou don't have a tail or ears like a cat, but you can still use your face to express your emotions to people without talking.\\nOr for example, you can pace back and forth when impatient for dinner to be ready or back away when you don't want someone to try and touch or hug you.\\n2-2. Experiment with the tone of your voice.\\nTalk in an upbeat tone when you're happy and content and incorporate a growl into your voice when you're mad. You don't have to meow exactly like a cat, but you can copy their sounds. For example, cats chirp and mew at things they like so you could make high pitched, happy squeals when you see someone or something you love.\\nTo show displeasure, you can hiss like a cat does when it's threatened or irritated.\\nIf you want to be able to talk with cats, mimic their meows and sounds the best you can. Listen to how they talk and mimic them.\\n2-3. Have a signature scent.\\nCats communicate with pheromones that humans aren't sensitive to pick up to attract mates and warn other cats to stay away. Pick out a perfume or body spray that smells good so that others will want to be around you.\\nIn the chance that you want to repel someone, make a point to cook with garlic and onions or handle other foul smelling materials and don't wash them off.\\n2-4. Blink slowly to show that you like someone.\\nOftentimes people think cats are glaring at them when in reality, cats blink slowly to show that they like someone. Blink slowly and evenly to show affection. This is especially effective when you're getting to know a new cat and want to communicate that you're a friend.\\nSome people may not recognize this behavior and it may look more like glaring.\\nConsider batting your eyes slowly instead to be less intimidating.\\n2-5. Swat someone who is irritating you to warn them.\\nIf you ever need to fight, hold back from going all out and physically attacking someone. Instead, quickly bat someone on the arm to alert them of a coming altercation. Cats will swat at other cats, dogs, and humans at the start of a fight and sometimes it won't need to escalate to a real fight.\\nA warning swat doesn't need to be hard, just swift and sharp enough to get someone's attention.\\nIf a real fight does break out, cats will bite and scratch their opponents. Just be cautious and consider the consequences of using these methods in a real fight with someone.\\n3. Behaving Like a Cat Around Other People\\n3-1. Stay alert and aware of your surroundings.\\nCats have highly sensitive hearing and smell so they're aware of the world around them. Whether you're doing nothing or in the middle of a project of conversation, pay attention to what's going on around you. It's a good practice for being safe but also being as observant as a cat.\\nReacting erratically and jumping at things that startle you is another way you can imitate cats.\\nIf you hear a weird sound or smell something fishy, investigate it. Cats are curious and you should be too.\\n3-2. Be shy around people you don't know but warm and welcoming once you've met.\\nCats are generally cautious and sometimes standoffish with people at first. Don't just be friends with everyone you meet right away, that's acting more like a dog. Make people earn your trust and friendship. This way, you'll have valuable friendships for life.\\n3-3. Ignore people and then request attention when you want it.\\nBe picky with how much time you spend with people. Cats don't always like to be showered with attention and therefore neither should you. Walk away from someone if you need some alone time. You can simply rejoin a conversation when you're ready to be social again.\\nDemand your own personal space. If you need to be alone, don't let people bother you. Cats will let you know by hissing or growling if they're tired of attention.\\nBeing talkative will let people know you want to socialize, and refraining from talking will also alert people that you're done with socializing, just like a cat.\\n3-4. Gently head-butt and nuzzle people you like.\\nOnce you're close with someone, you can show them affection, especially physically. Cats like to massage people with their paws and rub their heads to mark their territory. You can give friends back rubs or nuzzle your significant other to show them that you like them.\\nOnly do these things to people you're close with, or they might not understand what you're doing.\\n3-5. Bring people presents.\\nCats bring their loved ones food to show affection. Giving your friends little gifts like bracelets and little trinkets is a good way to show them you care and are thinking of them.\\nCats also hunt and leave their kill to provide food to their owners. You can take care of the people you like by feeding them, such as cooking full meals or sharing part of your lunch.\\n3-6. Be mischievous.\\nMake little messes by knocking things off of counters, sit on people when they're trying to work on something, or be nosy and poke around in cupboard and behind doors. Cats are adorable but can get in your way and be inconvenient. Have a little fun for example and block someone's view of the television when they're trying to watch something.\\nBe obnoxious. If someone asks you to stop, don't respect their space and don't dial back the cat mimicking.\\nTips\\nObserve cats to learn more about their behaviors and movements. If you can't have a pet cat, spend time at a friend's house who has one.\\nWatch the movies like Catwoman or the musical Cats to watch how humans can mimic feline agility, movement, and body language.\\nIf you can fit into small spaces, hide in them and whenever you're bored just walk or crawl out like nothing happened. Incorporate spaces in your home that you can hide in. Try getting a big cardboard box and climb into it.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Whether you need to learn to act like a cat for an acting role, or you just admire feline behavior, there are several ways you can imitate cats. Each cat is different, but many of them share similar behaviors. Unlike dogs, cats can be equally finicky and standoffish as they are affectionate and cuddly.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Doing Cat Activities\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Sleep a lot and take cat naps.\", \"描述\": \"Cats are notorious for sleeping anytime and anywhere. To be like a cat, make sure you get a full night's sleep as well as other quick naps throughout the day. A quick catnap should take about 15 to 20 minutes, so you can take several throughout the day. If you can't sleep during the day try to rest early in the morning. Try to sleep for an hour, if you can.\\nFind a nice sun patch for a warm, cozy sun bath. Cats are usually classified as lazy, but hey, what's wrong with being comfortable?\\nCurl up in a comfy cushion or a fresh pile of warm laundry in a ball or the fetal position. Cats protect their stomachs when they sleep as this is their vulnerable spot.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Do yoga to stretch your muscles out.\", \"描述\": \"After waking up from a satisfying nap or a long night's rest, stretch out your body. Like a cat, take your time stretching every muscle and waking your body up. A quick sun salutation is a great stretching routine and it has poses that resemble a cat's. Yawn to stretch your face muscles and look like a cat waking up as well.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Clean yourself often.\", \"描述\": \"Cats groom themselves by licking and pawing their faces to clean off food, odors, and excess hair. Shower at least once a day if not more to keep yourself free from dirt and extra oils. Throughout each day, check your appearance in a mirror and clean up after mealtimes.\\nSome cats are declawed and others aren't, but growing your nails out and having them shaped into a point is another way to be like a cat.\\nBrush your hair so that you don't shed hair throughout the day and it stays free from tangles and matting.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Spend time playing outside.\", \"描述\": \"Watch birds, practice climbing trees, and get out and explore nature around you. Be active to keep yourself healthy and in the mindset of an adventurous cat. Once you've worn yourself out, take a nap in the sun.\\nCats like to be entertained and around other cats. Spend time playing and lounging with others.\\nHunting is an activity that will get you in the mindset of a cat. Even an indoor cat will hunt and chase after toys.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Communicating Like a Cat\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Use body language to communicate your feelings instead of simply your words.\", \"描述\": \"Without saying a word, you can communicate your moods, just like a cat. Turn your back and walk out of the room if you're bored or tired. Sit close to someone if you're enjoying their company and close your eyes when you smile to show that you're content and happy.\\nYou don't have a tail or ears like a cat, but you can still use your face to express your emotions to people without talking.\\nOr for example, you can pace back and forth when impatient for dinner to be ready or back away when you don't want someone to try and touch or hug you.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Experiment with the tone of your voice.\", \"描述\": \"Talk in an upbeat tone when you're happy and content and incorporate a growl into your voice when you're mad. You don't have to meow exactly like a cat, but you can copy their sounds. For example, cats chirp and mew at things they like so you could make high pitched, happy squeals when you see someone or something you love.\\nTo show displeasure, you can hiss like a cat does when it's threatened or irritated.\\nIf you want to be able to talk with cats, mimic their meows and sounds the best you can. Listen to how they talk and mimic them.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Have a signature scent.\", \"描述\": \"Cats communicate with pheromones that humans aren't sensitive to pick up to attract mates and warn other cats to stay away. Pick out a perfume or body spray that smells good so that others will want to be around you.\\nIn the chance that you want to repel someone, make a point to cook with garlic and onions or handle other foul smelling materials and don't wash them off.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Blink slowly to show that you like someone.\", \"描述\": \"Oftentimes people think cats are glaring at them when in reality, cats blink slowly to show that they like someone. Blink slowly and evenly to show affection. This is especially effective when you're getting to know a new cat and want to communicate that you're a friend.\\nSome people may not recognize this behavior and it may look more like glaring.\\nConsider batting your eyes slowly instead to be less intimidating.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Swat someone who is irritating you to warn them.\", \"描述\": \"If you ever need to fight, hold back from going all out and physically attacking someone. Instead, quickly bat someone on the arm to alert them of a coming altercation. Cats will swat at other cats, dogs, and humans at the start of a fight and sometimes it won't need to escalate to a real fight.\\nA warning swat doesn't need to be hard, just swift and sharp enough to get someone's attention.\\nIf a real fight does break out, cats will bite and scratch their opponents. Just be cautious and consider the consequences of using these methods in a real fight with someone.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Behaving Like a Cat Around Other People\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Stay alert and aware of your surroundings.\", \"描述\": \"Cats have highly sensitive hearing and smell so they're aware of the world around them. Whether you're doing nothing or in the middle of a project of conversation, pay attention to what's going on around you. It's a good practice for being safe but also being as observant as a cat.\\nReacting erratically and jumping at things that startle you is another way you can imitate cats.\\nIf you hear a weird sound or smell something fishy, investigate it. Cats are curious and you should be too.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be shy around people you don't know but warm and welcoming once you've met.\", \"描述\": \"Cats are generally cautious and sometimes standoffish with people at first. Don't just be friends with everyone you meet right away, that's acting more like a dog. Make people earn your trust and friendship. This way, you'll have valuable friendships for life.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Ignore people and then request attention when you want it.\", \"描述\": \"Be picky with how much time you spend with people. Cats don't always like to be showered with attention and therefore neither should you. Walk away from someone if you need some alone time. You can simply rejoin a conversation when you're ready to be social again.\\nDemand your own personal space. If you need to be alone, don't let people bother you. Cats will let you know by hissing or growling if they're tired of attention.\\nBeing talkative will let people know you want to socialize, and refraining from talking will also alert people that you're done with socializing, just like a cat.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Gently head-butt and nuzzle people you like.\", \"描述\": \"Once you're close with someone, you can show them affection, especially physically. Cats like to massage people with their paws and rub their heads to mark their territory. You can give friends back rubs or nuzzle your significant other to show them that you like them.\\nOnly do these things to people you're close with, or they might not understand what you're doing.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Bring people presents.\", \"描述\": \"Cats bring their loved ones food to show affection. Giving your friends little gifts like bracelets and little trinkets is a good way to show them you care and are thinking of them.\\nCats also hunt and leave their kill to provide food to their owners. You can take care of the people you like by feeding them, such as cooking full meals or sharing part of your lunch.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Be mischievous.\", \"描述\": \"Make little messes by knocking things off of counters, sit on people when they're trying to work on something, or be nosy and poke around in cupboard and behind doors. Cats are adorable but can get in your way and be inconvenient. Have a little fun for example and block someone's view of the television when they're trying to watch something.\\nBe obnoxious. If someone asks you to stop, don't respect their space and don't dial back the cat mimicking.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Observe cats to learn more about their behaviors and movements. If you can't have a pet cat, spend time at a friend's house who has one.\\n\", \"Watch the movies like Catwoman or the musical Cats to watch how humans can mimic feline agility, movement, and body language.\\n\", \"If you can fit into small spaces, hide in them and whenever you're bored just walk or crawl out like nothing happened. Incorporate spaces in your home that you can hide in. Try getting a big cardboard box and climb into it.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,594 | How to Be Charismatic | 1. Using Positive Body Language
1-1. Make eye contact with people.
Eye contact both draws people in and shows them you're interested in them. Look people in the eye as soon as you enter a room, and maintain eye contact while you're speaking with them.
1-2. Lean toward people when you're having a conversation.
This shows people you're interested in what they have to say. It puts your full attention on them and shows you're engaged with the present moment.
Consciously remind yourself to lean forward, whether you're standing or sitting.
Don't lean back in your chair. This makes you seem disengaged.
1-3. Keep your arms uncrossed to keep your body language open.
Crossing your arms closes you off to people, but keeping your arms at your sides shows people you're open. You can also use open gestures.
1-4. Smile
Smiling draws people to you. It lights up your face and makes you appear more positive. Practice smiling so you can do it naturally in conversations.
Don't smile when you're talking about a dark or sad topic, such as illness or death. People will view this as inappropriate.
1-5. Use a lot of gestures to get people's attention and make your point.
This makes you appear more animated, which draws people to you. Speak with your hands to expand on what you're saying.
Watch yourself in the mirror or film yourself to help you practice your gesturing.
1-6. Maintain good posture
Stand tall with your shoulders back. Tip your chin up, keeping your gaze forward. Additionally, avoid slumping your shoulders when you walk or stand.
Use a mirror to check your posture. You can also film yourself walking around a room to check how well you're maintaining good posture.
1-7. Claim your personal space.
You deserve to take up space, just like anyone else. Shrinking yourself will make you less visible to people, which makes it harder to be charismatic. Spread out and take up the space you need.
It helps to take up hobbies that encourage you to own your space. For example, engaging in the martial arts can help you claim your personal space.
2. Building Your Confidence
2-1. Focus on what you love about yourself.
It's easier for people to like you if they see you like yourself. It can be hard to celebrate who you are, but knowing your strengths, talents, and what makes you special can help. By bringing your positive traits forward, you can push aside your self-doubt.
Make a list of your positive qualities, talents, and accomplishments. You might also ask those you love to tell you what they love about you.
Play up the features you love about yourself. For example, you might create a nice cat-eye to draw attention to your lovely eyes or dress to show off your toned legs.
2-2. Adopt a positive mindset.
Positivity draws people to you and makes them want to be around you. Show positivity by sharing an optimistic outlook, looking for the best in a situation, and giving encouragement. Present challenges or obstacles as opportunities rather than stumbling blocks. Here are some tips to be more positive:
Counter negative thoughts with positive self-talk. When you catch something negative like, “I might fail,” counter it with a positive statement. You might tell yourself, “This is an opportunity to learn and grow.”
Surround yourself with positive people to help maintain your good outlook.
Improve your mood with laughter. Watch a funny movie, tell jokes, or share a funny story. Laughing every day will help you feel more positive.
Keep a gratitude list to remember what you're grateful for.
Work on the parts of your life you don't love. When you start to feel down on yourself, remind yourself of the progress you're making!
2-3. Dress to impress.
Your clothes tell others how you feel about yourself and what they should think about you. Clothing can also determine how you feel in the moment. Choose clothes that make you feel your best and convey the message about yourself you want others to see.
Wear clothes that fit you well, and choose colors or patterns you think look nice.
Don't choose an outfit just because you think others will think it's trendy. If you don't actually like it, you'll just feel uncomfortable, which will show.
2-4. Think about an accomplishment for a temporary confidence boost.
When you think about your achievements, your brain releases a chemical called oxytocin that makes you feel good about yourself. If you're not feeling confident, an oxytocin boost can help you feel more confident for a short period of time. Before you go into a social situation, think about your past achievements.
2-5. Take an improv class to improve your confidence.
Improv helps you get comfortable performing in front of others, plus it makes you think on your feet. Taking a class or joining a local improv group can help you break out of your shell in a supportive environment. Plus, it's really fun!
You can find improv classes by searching online. You might also find an improv group using a site like meetup.com or Facebook groups.
3. Making Others Feel Special
3-1. Stay off your electronic devices when interacting with others.
Using your devices while people are talking to you makes them feel less important. Put your cell phone on silent and keep it in your pocket or bag. Additionally, avoid playing with your smartwatch or other devices. Put all of your attention on the people around you.
3-2. Listen
Focus on what the other person is saying, not what you will say in response. Nod along as they talk, and offer affirmative statements like, “Uh huh,” “That's interesting,” or “Wow” to show you're listening.
Ask people open-ended questions to keep the conversation going. Listen to their response with genuine interest.
Paraphrase what they say to you to show them that you're listening.
3-3. Give people genuine compliments.
Telling people what you like or appreciate about them will make them feel good. Be specific about what you're complimenting to make your compliment more meaningful. For example, say, “You were very well spoken in your presentation today,” rather than “Good presentation.”
Complimenting someone's appearance can make people feel good about themselves and may make them like you better. However, it's not correct for every situation, especially in the workplace.
Complimenting people's work, accomplishments, and talents can be encouraging and motivating to others.
3-4. Remember people's names.
When you meet people, repeat their name back to them to help you remember it. Then, use their name whenever you speak to them. Showing them you remember will make them feel special and demonstrate that you have an interest in knowing who they are.
3-5. Be empathetic toward others.
Think about where other people might be coming from. Try to see things from their perspective. Put yourself in their shoes so you can understand how they might feel. Show people you care about how they feel by verbally acknowledging their feelings and listening to what they're going through.
Ask people how they feel, then truly listen.
Don't judge people for reacting differently to a situation than you would. Everyone has different experiences that mold them into who they are.
Tell people about times you've felt the same way they do.
3-6. Share your own struggles and how you overcame them.
Use stories about your life to inspire others. This makes you seem accomplished and impressive, but also shows that you've worked hard to get where you are.
Be careful not to complain about your problems or explain all of the issues in your life. Limit your sharing to stories about how you triumphed over adversity.
4. Communicating Well
4-1. Practice making small talk.
It's normal to have a hard time with small talk, but charismatic people know how to talk to anyone. Develop a few talking points that you can draw on for small talk. Use a mirror or video camera to watch yourself delivering these talking points so you can improve your delivery.
4-2. Use humor to relate to others.
You can tell funny jokes, relate a funny story, or pick on yourself. This helps people feel comfortable around you and enjoy being with you.
Don't go overboard when using humor. Instead, pepper humor throughout your conversation or speech.
For example, you might open a presentation with a joke or tell a funny story at a party.
4-3. Be a storyteller.
Telling stories draws people in and makes you appear more engaging. When you do talk about yourself, do so through stories. Share your personal history. Use an excited tone, animated gestures, and engaging facial expressions to entertain others.
Taking an acting class can help you improve your storytelling abilities. Actors and charismatic people use the same techniques to captivate their audience and evoke emotion. You can learn how to use voice inflection, tone, gesture, and facial expressions to enhance your stories.
4-4. Stand behind your ideas rather than wavering.
People are turned off by uncertainty, so you need to take a stance. Believe in your choices and what you have to say. Tell others that you have the answer, even if you don't feel fully confident. You can always re-evaluate and take another path if you realize you were wrong.
Even if you are uncertain, people will view you as more charismatic if you act sure about your choices. Make the best decisions using the information you have at the moment. If you later decide you were wrong, you can always do something else.
For example, you'd say, “I believe in this plan” rather than “This plan could work.” The first statement shows you are confident in the idea. However, the second statement suggests you aren't completely sure if the plan will work.
4-5. Show passion for what you're talking about.
People are drawn to people who appear passionate. Don't talk mindlessly; only share ideas you truly believe in. Be excited about what you say and do, and invite others to share your excitement.
Build your life around your passions. This will help you appear more engaging to others. If something doesn't excite you, put it on the backburner.
Tips
Avoid being a wallflower in social situations. Start or join a conversation, instead.
Make a habit of being honest, but kind. People won't be drawn to you if you're afraid to share your true thoughts and feelings.
Join a Toastmasters Club to develop communication and leadership skills with others who have similar interests.
Warnings
Don't try to force charisma. It takes practice to learn how to be charismatic. If you try to go too quickly, your behavior may seem bizarre and untrustworthy.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:26",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Using Positive Body Language\\n1-1. Make eye contact with people.\\nEye contact both draws people in and shows them you're interested in them. Look people in the eye as soon as you enter a room, and maintain eye contact while you're speaking with them.\\n1-2. Lean toward people when you're having a conversation.\\nThis shows people you're interested in what they have to say. It puts your full attention on them and shows you're engaged with the present moment.\\nConsciously remind yourself to lean forward, whether you're standing or sitting.\\nDon't lean back in your chair. This makes you seem disengaged.\\n1-3. Keep your arms uncrossed to keep your body language open.\\nCrossing your arms closes you off to people, but keeping your arms at your sides shows people you're open. You can also use open gestures.\\n1-4. Smile\\nSmiling draws people to you. It lights up your face and makes you appear more positive. Practice smiling so you can do it naturally in conversations.\\nDon't smile when you're talking about a dark or sad topic, such as illness or death. People will view this as inappropriate.\\n1-5. Use a lot of gestures to get people's attention and make your point.\\nThis makes you appear more animated, which draws people to you. Speak with your hands to expand on what you're saying.\\nWatch yourself in the mirror or film yourself to help you practice your gesturing.\\n1-6. Maintain good posture\\nStand tall with your shoulders back. Tip your chin up, keeping your gaze forward. Additionally, avoid slumping your shoulders when you walk or stand.\\nUse a mirror to check your posture. You can also film yourself walking around a room to check how well you're maintaining good posture.\\n1-7. Claim your personal space.\\nYou deserve to take up space, just like anyone else. Shrinking yourself will make you less visible to people, which makes it harder to be charismatic. Spread out and take up the space you need.\\nIt helps to take up hobbies that encourage you to own your space. For example, engaging in the martial arts can help you claim your personal space.\\n2. Building Your Confidence\\n2-1. Focus on what you love about yourself.\\nIt's easier for people to like you if they see you like yourself. It can be hard to celebrate who you are, but knowing your strengths, talents, and what makes you special can help. By bringing your positive traits forward, you can push aside your self-doubt.\\nMake a list of your positive qualities, talents, and accomplishments. You might also ask those you love to tell you what they love about you.\\nPlay up the features you love about yourself. For example, you might create a nice cat-eye to draw attention to your lovely eyes or dress to show off your toned legs.\\n2-2. Adopt a positive mindset.\\nPositivity draws people to you and makes them want to be around you. Show positivity by sharing an optimistic outlook, looking for the best in a situation, and giving encouragement. Present challenges or obstacles as opportunities rather than stumbling blocks. Here are some tips to be more positive:\\nCounter negative thoughts with positive self-talk. When you catch something negative like, “I might fail,” counter it with a positive statement. You might tell yourself, “This is an opportunity to learn and grow.”\\nSurround yourself with positive people to help maintain your good outlook.\\nImprove your mood with laughter. Watch a funny movie, tell jokes, or share a funny story. Laughing every day will help you feel more positive.\\nKeep a gratitude list to remember what you're grateful for.\\nWork on the parts of your life you don't love. When you start to feel down on yourself, remind yourself of the progress you're making!\\n2-3. Dress to impress.\\nYour clothes tell others how you feel about yourself and what they should think about you. Clothing can also determine how you feel in the moment. Choose clothes that make you feel your best and convey the message about yourself you want others to see.\\nWear clothes that fit you well, and choose colors or patterns you think look nice.\\nDon't choose an outfit just because you think others will think it's trendy. If you don't actually like it, you'll just feel uncomfortable, which will show.\\n2-4. Think about an accomplishment for a temporary confidence boost.\\nWhen you think about your achievements, your brain releases a chemical called oxytocin that makes you feel good about yourself. If you're not feeling confident, an oxytocin boost can help you feel more confident for a short period of time. Before you go into a social situation, think about your past achievements.\\n2-5. Take an improv class to improve your confidence.\\nImprov helps you get comfortable performing in front of others, plus it makes you think on your feet. Taking a class or joining a local improv group can help you break out of your shell in a supportive environment. Plus, it's really fun!\\nYou can find improv classes by searching online. You might also find an improv group using a site like meetup.com or Facebook groups.\\n3. Making Others Feel Special\\n3-1. Stay off your electronic devices when interacting with others.\\nUsing your devices while people are talking to you makes them feel less important. Put your cell phone on silent and keep it in your pocket or bag. Additionally, avoid playing with your smartwatch or other devices. Put all of your attention on the people around you.\\n3-2. Listen\\nFocus on what the other person is saying, not what you will say in response. Nod along as they talk, and offer affirmative statements like, “Uh huh,” “That's interesting,” or “Wow” to show you're listening.\\nAsk people open-ended questions to keep the conversation going. Listen to their response with genuine interest.\\nParaphrase what they say to you to show them that you're listening.\\n3-3. Give people genuine compliments.\\nTelling people what you like or appreciate about them will make them feel good. Be specific about what you're complimenting to make your compliment more meaningful. For example, say, “You were very well spoken in your presentation today,” rather than “Good presentation.”\\nComplimenting someone's appearance can make people feel good about themselves and may make them like you better. However, it's not correct for every situation, especially in the workplace.\\nComplimenting people's work, accomplishments, and talents can be encouraging and motivating to others.\\n3-4. Remember people's names.\\nWhen you meet people, repeat their name back to them to help you remember it. Then, use their name whenever you speak to them. Showing them you remember will make them feel special and demonstrate that you have an interest in knowing who they are.\\n3-5. Be empathetic toward others.\\nThink about where other people might be coming from. Try to see things from their perspective. Put yourself in their shoes so you can understand how they might feel. Show people you care about how they feel by verbally acknowledging their feelings and listening to what they're going through.\\nAsk people how they feel, then truly listen.\\nDon't judge people for reacting differently to a situation than you would. Everyone has different experiences that mold them into who they are.\\nTell people about times you've felt the same way they do.\\n3-6. Share your own struggles and how you overcame them.\\nUse stories about your life to inspire others. This makes you seem accomplished and impressive, but also shows that you've worked hard to get where you are.\\nBe careful not to complain about your problems or explain all of the issues in your life. Limit your sharing to stories about how you triumphed over adversity.\\n4. Communicating Well\\n4-1. Practice making small talk.\\nIt's normal to have a hard time with small talk, but charismatic people know how to talk to anyone. Develop a few talking points that you can draw on for small talk. Use a mirror or video camera to watch yourself delivering these talking points so you can improve your delivery.\\n4-2. Use humor to relate to others.\\nYou can tell funny jokes, relate a funny story, or pick on yourself. This helps people feel comfortable around you and enjoy being with you.\\nDon't go overboard when using humor. Instead, pepper humor throughout your conversation or speech.\\nFor example, you might open a presentation with a joke or tell a funny story at a party.\\n4-3. Be a storyteller.\\nTelling stories draws people in and makes you appear more engaging. When you do talk about yourself, do so through stories. Share your personal history. Use an excited tone, animated gestures, and engaging facial expressions to entertain others.\\nTaking an acting class can help you improve your storytelling abilities. Actors and charismatic people use the same techniques to captivate their audience and evoke emotion. You can learn how to use voice inflection, tone, gesture, and facial expressions to enhance your stories.\\n4-4. Stand behind your ideas rather than wavering.\\nPeople are turned off by uncertainty, so you need to take a stance. Believe in your choices and what you have to say. Tell others that you have the answer, even if you don't feel fully confident. You can always re-evaluate and take another path if you realize you were wrong.\\nEven if you are uncertain, people will view you as more charismatic if you act sure about your choices. Make the best decisions using the information you have at the moment. If you later decide you were wrong, you can always do something else.\\nFor example, you'd say, “I believe in this plan” rather than “This plan could work.” The first statement shows you are confident in the idea. However, the second statement suggests you aren't completely sure if the plan will work.\\n4-5. Show passion for what you're talking about.\\nPeople are drawn to people who appear passionate. Don't talk mindlessly; only share ideas you truly believe in. Be excited about what you say and do, and invite others to share your excitement.\\nBuild your life around your passions. This will help you appear more engaging to others. If something doesn't excite you, put it on the backburner.\\nTips\\nAvoid being a wallflower in social situations. Start or join a conversation, instead.\\nMake a habit of being honest, but kind. People won't be drawn to you if you're afraid to share your true thoughts and feelings.\\nJoin a Toastmasters Club to develop communication and leadership skills with others who have similar interests.\\nWarnings\\nDon't try to force charisma. It takes practice to learn how to be charismatic. If you try to go too quickly, your behavior may seem bizarre and untrustworthy.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"We all know someone who draws attention to them as soon as they walk into a room. These people often possess charisma, which makes them captivating to others. Fortunately, you can learn to be more charismatic! Start by building your self confidence and learning how to make others feel special. Next, work on improving your verbal and nonverbal communication.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Using Positive Body Language\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make eye contact with people.\", \"描述\": \"Eye contact both draws people in and shows them you're interested in them. Look people in the eye as soon as you enter a room, and maintain eye contact while you're speaking with them.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Lean toward people when you're having a conversation.\", \"描述\": \"This shows people you're interested in what they have to say. It puts your full attention on them and shows you're engaged with the present moment.\\nConsciously remind yourself to lean forward, whether you're standing or sitting.\\nDon't lean back in your chair. This makes you seem disengaged.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Keep your arms uncrossed to keep your body language open.\", \"描述\": \"Crossing your arms closes you off to people, but keeping your arms at your sides shows people you're open. You can also use open gestures.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Smile\", \"描述\": \"Smiling draws people to you. It lights up your face and makes you appear more positive. Practice smiling so you can do it naturally in conversations.\\nDon't smile when you're talking about a dark or sad topic, such as illness or death. People will view this as inappropriate.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Use a lot of gestures to get people's attention and make your point.\", \"描述\": \"This makes you appear more animated, which draws people to you. Speak with your hands to expand on what you're saying.\\nWatch yourself in the mirror or film yourself to help you practice your gesturing.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Maintain good posture\", \"描述\": \"Stand tall with your shoulders back. Tip your chin up, keeping your gaze forward. Additionally, avoid slumping your shoulders when you walk or stand.\\nUse a mirror to check your posture. You can also film yourself walking around a room to check how well you're maintaining good posture.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Claim your personal space.\", \"描述\": \"You deserve to take up space, just like anyone else. Shrinking yourself will make you less visible to people, which makes it harder to be charismatic. Spread out and take up the space you need.\\nIt helps to take up hobbies that encourage you to own your space. For example, engaging in the martial arts can help you claim your personal space.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Building Your Confidence\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Focus on what you love about yourself.\", \"描述\": \"It's easier for people to like you if they see you like yourself. It can be hard to celebrate who you are, but knowing your strengths, talents, and what makes you special can help. By bringing your positive traits forward, you can push aside your self-doubt.\\nMake a list of your positive qualities, talents, and accomplishments. You might also ask those you love to tell you what they love about you.\\nPlay up the features you love about yourself. For example, you might create a nice cat-eye to draw attention to your lovely eyes or dress to show off your toned legs.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Adopt a positive mindset.\", \"描述\": \"Positivity draws people to you and makes them want to be around you. Show positivity by sharing an optimistic outlook, looking for the best in a situation, and giving encouragement. Present challenges or obstacles as opportunities rather than stumbling blocks. Here are some tips to be more positive:\\nCounter negative thoughts with positive self-talk. When you catch something negative like, “I might fail,” counter it with a positive statement. You might tell yourself, “This is an opportunity to learn and grow.”\\nSurround yourself with positive people to help maintain your good outlook.\\nImprove your mood with laughter. Watch a funny movie, tell jokes, or share a funny story. Laughing every day will help you feel more positive.\\nKeep a gratitude list to remember what you're grateful for.\\nWork on the parts of your life you don't love. When you start to feel down on yourself, remind yourself of the progress you're making!\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Dress to impress.\", \"描述\": \"Your clothes tell others how you feel about yourself and what they should think about you. Clothing can also determine how you feel in the moment. Choose clothes that make you feel your best and convey the message about yourself you want others to see.\\nWear clothes that fit you well, and choose colors or patterns you think look nice.\\nDon't choose an outfit just because you think others will think it's trendy. If you don't actually like it, you'll just feel uncomfortable, which will show.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Think about an accomplishment for a temporary confidence boost.\", \"描述\": \"When you think about your achievements, your brain releases a chemical called oxytocin that makes you feel good about yourself. If you're not feeling confident, an oxytocin boost can help you feel more confident for a short period of time. Before you go into a social situation, think about your past achievements.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Take an improv class to improve your confidence.\", \"描述\": \"Improv helps you get comfortable performing in front of others, plus it makes you think on your feet. Taking a class or joining a local improv group can help you break out of your shell in a supportive environment. Plus, it's really fun!\\nYou can find improv classes by searching online. You might also find an improv group using a site like meetup.com or Facebook groups.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Making Others Feel Special\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Stay off your electronic devices when interacting with others.\", \"描述\": \"Using your devices while people are talking to you makes them feel less important. Put your cell phone on silent and keep it in your pocket or bag. Additionally, avoid playing with your smartwatch or other devices. Put all of your attention on the people around you.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Listen\", \"描述\": \"Focus on what the other person is saying, not what you will say in response. Nod along as they talk, and offer affirmative statements like, “Uh huh,” “That's interesting,” or “Wow” to show you're listening.\\nAsk people open-ended questions to keep the conversation going. Listen to their response with genuine interest.\\nParaphrase what they say to you to show them that you're listening.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Give people genuine compliments.\", \"描述\": \"Telling people what you like or appreciate about them will make them feel good. Be specific about what you're complimenting to make your compliment more meaningful. For example, say, “You were very well spoken in your presentation today,” rather than “Good presentation.”\\nComplimenting someone's appearance can make people feel good about themselves and may make them like you better. However, it's not correct for every situation, especially in the workplace.\\nComplimenting people's work, accomplishments, and talents can be encouraging and motivating to others.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Remember people's names.\", \"描述\": \"When you meet people, repeat their name back to them to help you remember it. Then, use their name whenever you speak to them. Showing them you remember will make them feel special and demonstrate that you have an interest in knowing who they are.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be empathetic toward others.\", \"描述\": \"Think about where other people might be coming from. Try to see things from their perspective. Put yourself in their shoes so you can understand how they might feel. Show people you care about how they feel by verbally acknowledging their feelings and listening to what they're going through.\\nAsk people how they feel, then truly listen.\\nDon't judge people for reacting differently to a situation than you would. Everyone has different experiences that mold them into who they are.\\nTell people about times you've felt the same way they do.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Share your own struggles and how you overcame them.\", \"描述\": \"Use stories about your life to inspire others. This makes you seem accomplished and impressive, but also shows that you've worked hard to get where you are.\\nBe careful not to complain about your problems or explain all of the issues in your life. Limit your sharing to stories about how you triumphed over adversity.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Communicating Well\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Practice making small talk.\", \"描述\": \"It's normal to have a hard time with small talk, but charismatic people know how to talk to anyone. Develop a few talking points that you can draw on for small talk. Use a mirror or video camera to watch yourself delivering these talking points so you can improve your delivery.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Use humor to relate to others.\", \"描述\": \"You can tell funny jokes, relate a funny story, or pick on yourself. This helps people feel comfortable around you and enjoy being with you.\\nDon't go overboard when using humor. Instead, pepper humor throughout your conversation or speech.\\nFor example, you might open a presentation with a joke or tell a funny story at a party.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be a storyteller.\", \"描述\": \"Telling stories draws people in and makes you appear more engaging. When you do talk about yourself, do so through stories. Share your personal history. Use an excited tone, animated gestures, and engaging facial expressions to entertain others.\\nTaking an acting class can help you improve your storytelling abilities. Actors and charismatic people use the same techniques to captivate their audience and evoke emotion. You can learn how to use voice inflection, tone, gesture, and facial expressions to enhance your stories.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Stand behind your ideas rather than wavering.\", \"描述\": \"People are turned off by uncertainty, so you need to take a stance. Believe in your choices and what you have to say. Tell others that you have the answer, even if you don't feel fully confident. You can always re-evaluate and take another path if you realize you were wrong.\\nEven if you are uncertain, people will view you as more charismatic if you act sure about your choices. Make the best decisions using the information you have at the moment. If you later decide you were wrong, you can always do something else.\\nFor example, you'd say, “I believe in this plan” rather than “This plan could work.” The first statement shows you are confident in the idea. However, the second statement suggests you aren't completely sure if the plan will work.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Show passion for what you're talking about.\", \"描述\": \"People are drawn to people who appear passionate. Don't talk mindlessly; only share ideas you truly believe in. Be excited about what you say and do, and invite others to share your excitement.\\nBuild your life around your passions. This will help you appear more engaging to others. If something doesn't excite you, put it on the backburner.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Avoid being a wallflower in social situations. Start or join a conversation, instead.\\n\", \"Make a habit of being honest, but kind. People won't be drawn to you if you're afraid to share your true thoughts and feelings.\\n\", \"Join a Toastmasters Club to develop communication and leadership skills with others who have similar interests.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Don't try to force charisma. It takes practice to learn how to be charismatic. If you try to go too quickly, your behavior may seem bizarre and untrustworthy.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,595 | How to Be Charming | 1. Having a Charming Attitude
1-1. Be genuinely interested in people.
You don't have to love everyone, but you should be curious or fascinated by people in some way. Charming people walk into a room full of people ready to spend time talking to others; they don't stand against the wall waiting for the moment when they can escape. What interests you about other people? If you're empathetic, maybe you're interested in how people feel. Maybe you're interested in what makes people tick, or what knowledge they hold. Use your interest as the basis for getting to know people.
Learn how to ask questions based on your interests while being polite and others will feel they are interesting.
Follow up with more questions to continue showing your interest; the person you're talking to should never feel that you're trying to cut the conversation short.
1-2. Remember people's names
This takes an enormous amount of effort for most people, but it's completely worth doing if you want to be charming. When introducing yourself, repeating the person's name will help you to remember it. For example: "Hi, Jack, I'm Wendy." Follow through with small talk and use the person's name during your conversation. Repeat it once more when you say goodbye.
Repeating someone's name is not just about helping you to remember that person. The more often you say someone's name, the more that person will feel that you like them and the greater the chance they'll warm up to you.
If someone else walks up while you're having a conversation, introduce the two people by name.
1-3. Assume rapport.
This simply means talking to a stranger or a newly met acquaintance in a very friendly manner, as if the person is a long lost friend or relative. This helps break down an initial awkwardness and speeds up the warm-up process when meeting new people. Soon, people feel more welcomed and comfortable around you.
Kindness, coupled with respect, makes others feel as if they are loved and cared for. This is a powerful tool during interaction.
1-4. Talk about topics that interest the people you're with.
If you're in a sporty crowd, talk about last night's game or the meteoric rise of a new team. If you're with a group of hobbyists, ask about their hobbies and make pertinent remarks related to fishing, knitting, mountain climbing, movies, and so on.
Nobody expects you to be an expert. Sometimes you can build rapport just by asking questions, and not caring if you seem naive. There are people who like talking about and explaining their interests, and will like you for listening. It is your level of interest and willingness to engage in topics that makes you an interesting person to be around.
Exercise an open mind. Let others do the explaining. If someone mistakenly thinks you know more about the topic, be genuine and simply say that your knowledge is limited but that you're hoping to learn more about it.
1-5. Share information about yourself.
Being quiet about yourself makes you seem standoffish. Sharing as much about yourself as you ask others to share is a way to build trust with other people. They'll feel special because you wanted to talk about your life with them, and before you know it you'll have new friends.
2. Wielding Physical Charm
2-1. Make eye contact.
Looking at people directly in the eyes gives you a certain hold over them. It projects confidence on your end while making the person you're speaking with feel that they are interesting enough to gaze upon. Keep eye contact throughout the conversation. No matter what you're talking about, holding the person's eyes will make you seem more charming.
2-2. Smile with your eyes
Scientists have pinpointed more than 50 types of smiles, and research suggests that the sincerest smile of all is the Duchenne smile - a smile that pushes up into the eyes. The reason it's more genuine is because the muscles needed to smile with our eyes are involuntary; they only become engaged in an authentic smile, not in a courtesy smile. Also, if you look at someone and then smile, it will instantly charm them.
2-3. Give a firm handshake.
Shaking a person's hand when you first meet them is a polite way to show the person they're someone you want to talk to. Use a firm grip, but don't hold on too tight - you don't want to hurt the person's hand. After one good shake, release the person's hand from your grip.
In regions where shaking hands is not customary, use a different appropriate physical gesture to show you're interested in talking to someone. A kiss on both cheeks, a bow, or another physical gesture gets the conversation off to a good start.
2-4. Use charming body language.
Face the person you're talking to so that it doesn't seem as though you're anxious to walk away as soon as the conversation is over. During the course of the conversation, it may be appropriate to use light touching to keep it moving. You can lightly touch the person's shoulder to emphasize a point, for example. At the end of the conversation, decide whether it's appropriate to give a quick hug or another handshake.
2-5. Control your tone and speed of voice.
Your voice should be gentle and peaceful, yet direct. Don't talk too fast as this makes you appear nervous, but if you talk too slow people could think you are unintelligent, you need to speak slow enough that your words are clear but not slow that it feels like the conversation is dragging on. Articulate your words clearly and project your voice. Practice giving compliments into a recorder and play it back. Does your voice sound sincere?
3. Charming People With Words
3-1. Use impressive phrasing.
Be mature and use a touch of wise, polite language. Don't you find people that say "Hello" are much more charming than people that mutter "'Sup"? Here is another example: Change "It's none of his beeswax!" to "It shouldn't be any of his concern." Of course, don't overdo it, but try to be polite and turn every negative into a positive.
3-2. Issue compliments generously.
Compliments raise others' self-esteem and make them feel fondly toward you. If you like someone, find a creative way to say it and say it immediately. If you wait too long, it may be viewed as insincere and badly timed, especially if others have beaten you to it.
If you notice that someone is putting a lot of effort into something, compliment them, even if you feel that there is room for improvement.
If you notice that someone has changed something about themselves (haircut, manner of dress, etc.), notice it and point out something you like about it. If you're asked directly, be charming and deflect the question with a very general compliment.
3-3. Be gracious in accepting compliments
Get out of the habit of assuming that a compliment is being given without genuine intent. Even when someone makes a compliment out of contempt, there is always a germ of jealous truth hiding in their own heart. Be effusive in accepting the compliment.
Go beyond a mere "Thank you" and enjoin this with "I'm glad you like it," or "It is so kind of you to have noticed." These are compliments in return.
Avoid backhanding a compliment. There is nothing worse to a person complimenting than to receive the response "Oh well, I wish I were as ______ as you in that situation." This is tantamount to saying, "No, I am not what you are saying I am; your judgment is wrong."
3-4. Praise others instead of gossiping.
If you're speaking with someone or you're talking in a group of people, and up pops the subject of another person in a positive or negative way, be the one to mention something you like about that person. Kind hearsay is the most powerful tool in gaining charm because it is always viewed as 100 percent sincere. It has the added benefit of creating trust in you. The idea will spread that you never have a bad word to say about anyone. Everyone will know that their reputation is safe with you.
3-5. Be a good listener.
Charm isn't always an outward expression, but an inward one too. Engage the other person to talk more about his or herself, about something that they like, something they're passionate about, about themselves. This makes the other person more comfortable to share and express themselves with you.
Tips
Smile at people you meet.
Never put yourself above another. For example, if someone drops a book near you, stoop down, pick it up and graciously hand it to them saying, "I think you dropped this". You will stand out as being caring and willing to help.
Be kind and gentle; not loud and rude.
Warnings
Don't confuse being charming with being a people pleaser.
Every so often you will have no choice but to express an opinion that few others hold. That is fine. Consider expressing it in a humorous way. Humor is the spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:27",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Having a Charming Attitude\\n1-1. Be genuinely interested in people.\\nYou don't have to love everyone, but you should be curious or fascinated by people in some way. Charming people walk into a room full of people ready to spend time talking to others; they don't stand against the wall waiting for the moment when they can escape. What interests you about other people? If you're empathetic, maybe you're interested in how people feel. Maybe you're interested in what makes people tick, or what knowledge they hold. Use your interest as the basis for getting to know people.\\nLearn how to ask questions based on your interests while being polite and others will feel they are interesting.\\nFollow up with more questions to continue showing your interest; the person you're talking to should never feel that you're trying to cut the conversation short.\\n1-2. Remember people's names\\nThis takes an enormous amount of effort for most people, but it's completely worth doing if you want to be charming. When introducing yourself, repeating the person's name will help you to remember it. For example: \\\"Hi, Jack, I'm Wendy.\\\" Follow through with small talk and use the person's name during your conversation. Repeat it once more when you say goodbye.\\nRepeating someone's name is not just about helping you to remember that person. The more often you say someone's name, the more that person will feel that you like them and the greater the chance they'll warm up to you.\\nIf someone else walks up while you're having a conversation, introduce the two people by name.\\n1-3. Assume rapport.\\nThis simply means talking to a stranger or a newly met acquaintance in a very friendly manner, as if the person is a long lost friend or relative. This helps break down an initial awkwardness and speeds up the warm-up process when meeting new people. Soon, people feel more welcomed and comfortable around you.\\nKindness, coupled with respect, makes others feel as if they are loved and cared for. This is a powerful tool during interaction.\\n1-4. Talk about topics that interest the people you're with.\\nIf you're in a sporty crowd, talk about last night's game or the meteoric rise of a new team. If you're with a group of hobbyists, ask about their hobbies and make pertinent remarks related to fishing, knitting, mountain climbing, movies, and so on.\\nNobody expects you to be an expert. Sometimes you can build rapport just by asking questions, and not caring if you seem naive. There are people who like talking about and explaining their interests, and will like you for listening. It is your level of interest and willingness to engage in topics that makes you an interesting person to be around.\\nExercise an open mind. Let others do the explaining. If someone mistakenly thinks you know more about the topic, be genuine and simply say that your knowledge is limited but that you're hoping to learn more about it.\\n1-5. Share information about yourself.\\nBeing quiet about yourself makes you seem standoffish. Sharing as much about yourself as you ask others to share is a way to build trust with other people. They'll feel special because you wanted to talk about your life with them, and before you know it you'll have new friends.\\n2. Wielding Physical Charm\\n2-1. Make eye contact.\\nLooking at people directly in the eyes gives you a certain hold over them. It projects confidence on your end while making the person you're speaking with feel that they are interesting enough to gaze upon. Keep eye contact throughout the conversation. No matter what you're talking about, holding the person's eyes will make you seem more charming.\\n2-2. Smile with your eyes\\nScientists have pinpointed more than 50 types of smiles, and research suggests that the sincerest smile of all is the Duchenne smile - a smile that pushes up into the eyes. The reason it's more genuine is because the muscles needed to smile with our eyes are involuntary; they only become engaged in an authentic smile, not in a courtesy smile. Also, if you look at someone and then smile, it will instantly charm them.\\n2-3. Give a firm handshake.\\nShaking a person's hand when you first meet them is a polite way to show the person they're someone you want to talk to. Use a firm grip, but don't hold on too tight - you don't want to hurt the person's hand. After one good shake, release the person's hand from your grip.\\nIn regions where shaking hands is not customary, use a different appropriate physical gesture to show you're interested in talking to someone. A kiss on both cheeks, a bow, or another physical gesture gets the conversation off to a good start.\\n2-4. Use charming body language.\\nFace the person you're talking to so that it doesn't seem as though you're anxious to walk away as soon as the conversation is over. During the course of the conversation, it may be appropriate to use light touching to keep it moving. You can lightly touch the person's shoulder to emphasize a point, for example. At the end of the conversation, decide whether it's appropriate to give a quick hug or another handshake.\\n2-5. Control your tone and speed of voice.\\nYour voice should be gentle and peaceful, yet direct. Don't talk too fast as this makes you appear nervous, but if you talk too slow people could think you are unintelligent, you need to speak slow enough that your words are clear but not slow that it feels like the conversation is dragging on. Articulate your words clearly and project your voice. Practice giving compliments into a recorder and play it back. Does your voice sound sincere?\\n3. Charming People With Words\\n3-1. Use impressive phrasing.\\nBe mature and use a touch of wise, polite language. Don't you find people that say \\\"Hello\\\" are much more charming than people that mutter \\\"'Sup\\\"? Here is another example: Change \\\"It's none of his beeswax!\\\" to \\\"It shouldn't be any of his concern.\\\" Of course, don't overdo it, but try to be polite and turn every negative into a positive.\\n3-2. Issue compliments generously.\\nCompliments raise others' self-esteem and make them feel fondly toward you. If you like someone, find a creative way to say it and say it immediately. If you wait too long, it may be viewed as insincere and badly timed, especially if others have beaten you to it.\\nIf you notice that someone is putting a lot of effort into something, compliment them, even if you feel that there is room for improvement.\\nIf you notice that someone has changed something about themselves (haircut, manner of dress, etc.), notice it and point out something you like about it. If you're asked directly, be charming and deflect the question with a very general compliment.\\n3-3. Be gracious in accepting compliments\\nGet out of the habit of assuming that a compliment is being given without genuine intent. Even when someone makes a compliment out of contempt, there is always a germ of jealous truth hiding in their own heart. Be effusive in accepting the compliment.\\nGo beyond a mere \\\"Thank you\\\" and enjoin this with \\\"I'm glad you like it,\\\" or \\\"It is so kind of you to have noticed.\\\" These are compliments in return.\\nAvoid backhanding a compliment. There is nothing worse to a person complimenting than to receive the response \\\"Oh well, I wish I were as ______ as you in that situation.\\\" This is tantamount to saying, \\\"No, I am not what you are saying I am; your judgment is wrong.\\\"\\n3-4. Praise others instead of gossiping.\\nIf you're speaking with someone or you're talking in a group of people, and up pops the subject of another person in a positive or negative way, be the one to mention something you like about that person. Kind hearsay is the most powerful tool in gaining charm because it is always viewed as 100 percent sincere. It has the added benefit of creating trust in you. The idea will spread that you never have a bad word to say about anyone. Everyone will know that their reputation is safe with you.\\n3-5. Be a good listener.\\nCharm isn't always an outward expression, but an inward one too. Engage the other person to talk more about his or herself, about something that they like, something they're passionate about, about themselves. This makes the other person more comfortable to share and express themselves with you.\\nTips\\nSmile at people you meet.\\nNever put yourself above another. For example, if someone drops a book near you, stoop down, pick it up and graciously hand it to them saying, \\\"I think you dropped this\\\". You will stand out as being caring and willing to help.\\nBe kind and gentle; not loud and rude.\\nWarnings\\nDon't confuse being charming with being a people pleaser.\\nEvery so often you will have no choice but to express an opinion that few others hold. That is fine. Consider expressing it in a humorous way. Humor is the spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Charm is the art of having an attractive personality. Some people charm others the moment they enter a room, while others earn a reputation as a charmer over a period of time. While everyone is born with differing amounts of natural charm, much can be acquired and honed through practice. Read on to learn how to use your attitude and body language to be charming.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Having a Charming Attitude\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be genuinely interested in people.\", \"描述\": \"You don't have to love everyone, but you should be curious or fascinated by people in some way. Charming people walk into a room full of people ready to spend time talking to others; they don't stand against the wall waiting for the moment when they can escape. What interests you about other people? If you're empathetic, maybe you're interested in how people feel. Maybe you're interested in what makes people tick, or what knowledge they hold. Use your interest as the basis for getting to know people.\\nLearn how to ask questions based on your interests while being polite and others will feel they are interesting.\\nFollow up with more questions to continue showing your interest; the person you're talking to should never feel that you're trying to cut the conversation short.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Remember people's names\", \"描述\": \"This takes an enormous amount of effort for most people, but it's completely worth doing if you want to be charming. When introducing yourself, repeating the person's name will help you to remember it. For example: \\\"Hi, Jack, I'm Wendy.\\\" Follow through with small talk and use the person's name during your conversation. Repeat it once more when you say goodbye.\\nRepeating someone's name is not just about helping you to remember that person. The more often you say someone's name, the more that person will feel that you like them and the greater the chance they'll warm up to you.\\nIf someone else walks up while you're having a conversation, introduce the two people by name.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Assume rapport.\", \"描述\": \"This simply means talking to a stranger or a newly met acquaintance in a very friendly manner, as if the person is a long lost friend or relative. This helps break down an initial awkwardness and speeds up the warm-up process when meeting new people. Soon, people feel more welcomed and comfortable around you.\\nKindness, coupled with respect, makes others feel as if they are loved and cared for. This is a powerful tool during interaction.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Talk about topics that interest the people you're with.\", \"描述\": \"If you're in a sporty crowd, talk about last night's game or the meteoric rise of a new team. If you're with a group of hobbyists, ask about their hobbies and make pertinent remarks related to fishing, knitting, mountain climbing, movies, and so on.\\nNobody expects you to be an expert. Sometimes you can build rapport just by asking questions, and not caring if you seem naive. There are people who like talking about and explaining their interests, and will like you for listening. It is your level of interest and willingness to engage in topics that makes you an interesting person to be around.\\nExercise an open mind. Let others do the explaining. If someone mistakenly thinks you know more about the topic, be genuine and simply say that your knowledge is limited but that you're hoping to learn more about it.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Share information about yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Being quiet about yourself makes you seem standoffish. Sharing as much about yourself as you ask others to share is a way to build trust with other people. They'll feel special because you wanted to talk about your life with them, and before you know it you'll have new friends.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Wielding Physical Charm\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make eye contact.\", \"描述\": \"Looking at people directly in the eyes gives you a certain hold over them. It projects confidence on your end while making the person you're speaking with feel that they are interesting enough to gaze upon. Keep eye contact throughout the conversation. No matter what you're talking about, holding the person's eyes will make you seem more charming.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Smile with your eyes\", \"描述\": \"Scientists have pinpointed more than 50 types of smiles, and research suggests that the sincerest smile of all is the Duchenne smile - a smile that pushes up into the eyes. The reason it's more genuine is because the muscles needed to smile with our eyes are involuntary; they only become engaged in an authentic smile, not in a courtesy smile. Also, if you look at someone and then smile, it will instantly charm them.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Give a firm handshake.\", \"描述\": \"Shaking a person's hand when you first meet them is a polite way to show the person they're someone you want to talk to. Use a firm grip, but don't hold on too tight - you don't want to hurt the person's hand. After one good shake, release the person's hand from your grip.\\nIn regions where shaking hands is not customary, use a different appropriate physical gesture to show you're interested in talking to someone. A kiss on both cheeks, a bow, or another physical gesture gets the conversation off to a good start.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Use charming body language.\", \"描述\": \"Face the person you're talking to so that it doesn't seem as though you're anxious to walk away as soon as the conversation is over. During the course of the conversation, it may be appropriate to use light touching to keep it moving. You can lightly touch the person's shoulder to emphasize a point, for example. At the end of the conversation, decide whether it's appropriate to give a quick hug or another handshake.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Control your tone and speed of voice.\", \"描述\": \"Your voice should be gentle and peaceful, yet direct. Don't talk too fast as this makes you appear nervous, but if you talk too slow people could think you are unintelligent, you need to speak slow enough that your words are clear but not slow that it feels like the conversation is dragging on. Articulate your words clearly and project your voice. Practice giving compliments into a recorder and play it back. Does your voice sound sincere?\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Charming People With Words\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Use impressive phrasing.\", \"描述\": \"Be mature and use a touch of wise, polite language. Don't you find people that say \\\"Hello\\\" are much more charming than people that mutter \\\"'Sup\\\"? Here is another example: Change \\\"It's none of his beeswax!\\\" to \\\"It shouldn't be any of his concern.\\\" Of course, don't overdo it, but try to be polite and turn every negative into a positive.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Issue compliments generously.\", \"描述\": \"Compliments raise others' self-esteem and make them feel fondly toward you. If you like someone, find a creative way to say it and say it immediately. If you wait too long, it may be viewed as insincere and badly timed, especially if others have beaten you to it.\\nIf you notice that someone is putting a lot of effort into something, compliment them, even if you feel that there is room for improvement.\\nIf you notice that someone has changed something about themselves (haircut, manner of dress, etc.), notice it and point out something you like about it. If you're asked directly, be charming and deflect the question with a very general compliment.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be gracious in accepting compliments\", \"描述\": \"Get out of the habit of assuming that a compliment is being given without genuine intent. Even when someone makes a compliment out of contempt, there is always a germ of jealous truth hiding in their own heart. Be effusive in accepting the compliment.\\nGo beyond a mere \\\"Thank you\\\" and enjoin this with \\\"I'm glad you like it,\\\" or \\\"It is so kind of you to have noticed.\\\" These are compliments in return.\\nAvoid backhanding a compliment. There is nothing worse to a person complimenting than to receive the response \\\"Oh well, I wish I were as ______ as you in that situation.\\\" This is tantamount to saying, \\\"No, I am not what you are saying I am; your judgment is wrong.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Praise others instead of gossiping.\", \"描述\": \"If you're speaking with someone or you're talking in a group of people, and up pops the subject of another person in a positive or negative way, be the one to mention something you like about that person. Kind hearsay is the most powerful tool in gaining charm because it is always viewed as 100 percent sincere. It has the added benefit of creating trust in you. The idea will spread that you never have a bad word to say about anyone. Everyone will know that their reputation is safe with you.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be a good listener.\", \"描述\": \"Charm isn't always an outward expression, but an inward one too. Engage the other person to talk more about his or herself, about something that they like, something they're passionate about, about themselves. This makes the other person more comfortable to share and express themselves with you.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Smile at people you meet.\\n\", \"Never put yourself above another. For example, if someone drops a book near you, stoop down, pick it up and graciously hand it to them saying, \\\"I think you dropped this\\\". You will stand out as being caring and willing to help.\\n\", \"Be kind and gentle; not loud and rude.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Don't confuse being charming with being a people pleaser.\\n\", \"Every so often you will have no choice but to express an opinion that few others hold. That is fine. Consider expressing it in a humorous way. Humor is the spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,596 | How to Be Charming to the Girl You Like | 1. Looking Great
1-1. Show that you respect yourself.
Self respect, whether we realize it or not, is one of the first things we look for when seeking out healthy relationships. You show your self respect in how you take care of and present your body. Bathe regularly, use deodorant, and generally do things like wearing clean, unwrinkled clothes. You should also exercise to keep your body strong and healthy.
You should also show your self respect in your actions. Don't talk down about yourself and speak up for yourself when you're with other people.
1-2. Dress to flatter your body
No matter what you've got to start off with, you can make your body look even better by carefully curating what you wear. Wear clothes that fit, first of all: they shouldn't be too tight or too big. You also want them to accentuate good features and play down bad ones. Get those pants back on your butt, she wants to see your drawers later, not now. Next, figure out what colors look good on you. Depending on your mixture of hair and skin colors, as well as minor factors like eye color, different colors will look better or worse on you.
For example, wear pants with vertical pinstripes, because they'll make you look taller and thinner.
For choosing colors, you generally want to create contrast. If you have light skin, then darker colors will look better on you (just don't wear all black all the time). If you have dark skin, then light or brighter colors will look better on you.
1-3. Check your face care routine.
You don't have to have the best bone structure in the world in order to look like her Prince Charming; just a little facial care can do the trick! Make sure you're shaving correctly in order to fight shaving bumps and cuts. Do some basic maintenance by plucking wayward eyebrow hairs. You should also moisturize your skin, no matter how girly it seems. Moisturizing will make you look healthier, which naturally makes you more attractive.
Don't forget to fight acne, if you have it. A good cleaning regimen is often all you need to significantly reduce the acne problem that you have, but medicinal help is also available.
Try using makeup! We know, we know, but hear us out: makeup is designed to make your skin look better and healthier. It covers up all the problems with your skin. You don't have to do too much either. Using a wrinkle filler will make your skin look smooth, covering acne scars and large pores. Go over the top of that with a foundation gel stick and you'll be able to create a healthy look with little effort.
1-4. Get a good haircut.
Having a good haircut can totally change your whole looking, taking you from creeper-on-the-street to Michael Fassbender-like stud before you know it. Hairstyles compliment our natural features by playing up the parts that looks good, helping to hide the parts that look bad, and creating illusions that seem to give our face a whole new shape. See a hairstylist and get their recommendation to find a hairstyle that works for you.
1-5. Find your best smile.
Spend some time in front of the mirror and practice your smile. You may find that your natural smile might be a bit off-putting. Try smiling in different ways until you find one that looks better. Some people look better with a closed mouth smile, some look better with one row of teeth, some look better with all teeth bared. It just depends on your face.
2. Being Her Prince Charming
2-1. Pick up or show off a talent.
Talent is very charming. Not every talent will impress every girl, but no matter what talent you have it's bound to charm at least one girl. You can develop and show off a talent you already have, or you can pick up a new one.
Good talents to pick up include playing the piano or guitar, drawing, or dancing.
You can find excellent primers on many of these talents right here on wikiHow!
2-2. Embrace life.
An absolute passion for life and an enjoyment of what you have tends to charm the socks off most girls. Be positive and focus on all of the great things that you have. Pursue the things that you want to have in your life. And never hide how happy you are when you are enjoying something that matters to you.
You should also show some ambition. Want things for your life. Want more than what you have and work for it, while still appreciating what you do have. She'll like this quality in you.
2-3. Encourage her to dream
Girls want to be with someone who encourages them and makes them feel more hopeful about what they can do and what they can have. We all do, right? When she clearly enjoys something, encourage her to pursue it or do it more. When she mentions a dream she has for the future, encourage her and help her to pursue it!
Sometimes, this might mean helping her with homework or at least keeping her company (and focused!) while she studies.
Never judge her dreams or make her feel like they're small or worthless. This is the opposite of charming!
2-4. Let her see how much you care.
Girls like to see how much you care. Being guarded with your feelings may help keep your mates from teasing you, but it mostly just makes girls feel like you don't really like them. When you show her how much you care, especially in front of your mates and other women, she'll be totally smitten.
Tell her you love her or bring her flowers when other people are around.
Linger when you hug her or hold her hand. Sing a little after a kiss. These are great private communicators of feelings.
Everyone wants to be seen, heard, and accepted for who they are, and when you show a girl that you are genuinely interested in what she loves, understanding why she loves it, and wanting to learn more about it, it makes her feel like you care about them.
Do your best to make her know you are sincere about wanting to get to know who she is and what makes them tick.
2-5. Focus
Look at her eyes when you talk to her. Say her name in conversations, both with her and with others. Be loyal and don't worry about attracting other girls by being flirty or dressing to the 9s. Keeping your focus 100% on her tells her that your feelings are true.
Make comments to the effect of "I'm not interested in attracting any more girls. I have you". This shows that you're really just interested in her.
2-6. Never assume your entitlement.
Never assume that you are entitled to her affection, even if you're dating her. When girls feel like they have to give you their affection, like it's an obligation, then the whole thing quickly loses its romance. Work every day to earn her love and before you know it, you will.
2-7. Let others be the center of attention.
Putting others in the spotlight and highlighting the accomplishments of other people shows that you're a team player. It tells her that you're not selfish and that you could share a life with her, just like you share your happiness with others.
Instead of turning conversations to be about you, talk about what other people (especially her!) are doing instead.
2-8. Be kind to everyone, but especially her.
Being kind to her is obvious, right? Of course you want to be nice to her if you want to charm her. But you should also be nice to others as well. When you're mean to other people or talk about them behind their back, she'll start to wonder if you do the same to her or how long it will be until you turn on her. That isn't very charming!
Be friendly with people who struggle socially. One good way to show how kind you are to others is to be friendly and social with those who aren't good at making friends. This is especially effective if you're popular.
Be nice to people who are usually harassed, like homeless people, waiters, or door-to-door salesmen. When you're kind to the people that almost everyone is rude to, that sends a real message.
3. Sweeping Her Off Her Feet
3-1. Make her a present by hand.
A handmade gift shows her that you care and are willing to take time and effort to do something that you might not be very good at. You'll find loads of ideas online for gifts you can make by hand. Try browsing the wikiHow craft category or try Pinterest to get some inspiration. Otherwise, you can try:
Making her a necklace. Make her a necklace using a shell from your trip to the beach or find another pendant that reminds you of happy times that you've had together.
Making her a custom journal. Use ticket stubs, receipts, and other items from dates you've got on and other things you've done together and using a flat glue like Modge Podge, attach them to the cover of a journal. If you think she wouldn't use a journal, you can also get a plain keepsake box from a craft store and decorate that instead.
Making her a mix CD. For those with absolutely terrible craft skills, you can make her a mix CD that chronicles your experience of the relationship through songs.
3-2. Sing her a song.
Even if you don't possess the singing prowess of Michael Jackson, singing her a love song that means something to you (or both of you) will totally charm her. If you're a good singer it will totally play on all her Disney princess childhood dreams. If you're an okay-to-bad singer, it will show that you don't care how bad you look, you just want to show her how much she means to you. It's a win win.
Try singing her "Unchained Melody". This is an easy song and is fairly easy to pull off for even the most untalented singers.
3-3. Do something nice
Whether it's her lonely grandma or her favorite sister, going out of your way to make the day of someone that's very important to her will really make her happy. You can try making and having a nice meal with her grandmother or help her dad clean up the backyard, for example.
3-4. Leave love notes for her everywhere.
Write little love messages on Post-It notes and leave them everywhere, hiding them wherever she goes frequently. You can even hide them in locations that she might not find for a while. You can put the messages in her drawers, books, purse, on her cellphone, in the kitchen cabinets, under her pillow, and in any other location you can think of.
Write things like "I love kissing your forehead when you come home", "My favorite time of day is waking up to you", "Being your knight in shining armor is my greatest honor".
3-5. Give her the spa treatment
Some guys give their girlfriends back rubs (which is lovely, don't get us wrong) but you're going to go the extra mile, because she's worth it. Get some massage oils and heat them up by placing the container in a bowl of warm water. Then put on some soothing sounds or music, light some candles (make sure to keep them away from the oils!), and give her a total body rub down. If you don't know how to give a good massage, that's okay: wikiHow has your back.
You can try MyNoise for great spa-like sounds.
3-6. Go above and beyond when she's had a bad day.
When she's having a really tough time, such as if something went really wrong at work or she lost someone important to her, start by taking all of the pressure off of her. Do all the cleaning, cooking, and other stressful activities for a day or two until she can recover.If you want to be super sweet, when you are sick, sneeze on her. I know, it sounds gross. However, when she gets sick, it would be a good time to give her a spa treatment. She'll think it's adorable. At the same time, do what you can to help her see that there are good things in life too. You don't want to diminish the situation by trying to joke or distract her, but you should offer her the option in case she wants it.
For example, make and give her a coupon for a free movie date with you.
3-7. Have her challenge you.
Ask her to throw down a challenge so that you can prove how much you love her. Have her challenge you to run 5 laps around the park or do 50 push ups. She might even take the opportunity to up the ante and ask you to fix something that's really been bothering her, like quitting smoking. Taking on the small challenges will bring a smile to her face and charm her, but taking on the big challenges will really prove how much you care. Just be aware that once she throws it down, you're going to have to follow through!
3-8. Have a girls' night
It's fun for her to hang out with her girls but sometimes it can be extra special if she gets to do those same activities with the one she loves! Watch those girly movies that make her so happy, go together to get pedicures, and eat a tub of ice cream while she vents about her bestie. She'll be blown away that you're willing to set aside norms to have a good time with her.
Tips
Always support her.
Always be yourself.
Always keep her feelings into consideration.
Warnings
Don't go over the top — a girl can tell when you're being desperate.
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"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Looking Great\\n1-1. Show that you respect yourself.\\nSelf respect, whether we realize it or not, is one of the first things we look for when seeking out healthy relationships. You show your self respect in how you take care of and present your body. Bathe regularly, use deodorant, and generally do things like wearing clean, unwrinkled clothes. You should also exercise to keep your body strong and healthy.\\nYou should also show your self respect in your actions. Don't talk down about yourself and speak up for yourself when you're with other people.\\n1-2. Dress to flatter your body\\nNo matter what you've got to start off with, you can make your body look even better by carefully curating what you wear. Wear clothes that fit, first of all: they shouldn't be too tight or too big. You also want them to accentuate good features and play down bad ones. Get those pants back on your butt, she wants to see your drawers later, not now. Next, figure out what colors look good on you. Depending on your mixture of hair and skin colors, as well as minor factors like eye color, different colors will look better or worse on you.\\nFor example, wear pants with vertical pinstripes, because they'll make you look taller and thinner.\\nFor choosing colors, you generally want to create contrast. If you have light skin, then darker colors will look better on you (just don't wear all black all the time). If you have dark skin, then light or brighter colors will look better on you.\\n1-3. Check your face care routine.\\nYou don't have to have the best bone structure in the world in order to look like her Prince Charming; just a little facial care can do the trick! Make sure you're shaving correctly in order to fight shaving bumps and cuts. Do some basic maintenance by plucking wayward eyebrow hairs. You should also moisturize your skin, no matter how girly it seems. Moisturizing will make you look healthier, which naturally makes you more attractive.\\nDon't forget to fight acne, if you have it. A good cleaning regimen is often all you need to significantly reduce the acne problem that you have, but medicinal help is also available.\\nTry using makeup! We know, we know, but hear us out: makeup is designed to make your skin look better and healthier. It covers up all the problems with your skin. You don't have to do too much either. Using a wrinkle filler will make your skin look smooth, covering acne scars and large pores. Go over the top of that with a foundation gel stick and you'll be able to create a healthy look with little effort.\\n1-4. Get a good haircut.\\nHaving a good haircut can totally change your whole looking, taking you from creeper-on-the-street to Michael Fassbender-like stud before you know it. Hairstyles compliment our natural features by playing up the parts that looks good, helping to hide the parts that look bad, and creating illusions that seem to give our face a whole new shape. See a hairstylist and get their recommendation to find a hairstyle that works for you.\\n1-5. Find your best smile.\\nSpend some time in front of the mirror and practice your smile. You may find that your natural smile might be a bit off-putting. Try smiling in different ways until you find one that looks better. Some people look better with a closed mouth smile, some look better with one row of teeth, some look better with all teeth bared. It just depends on your face.\\n2. Being Her Prince Charming\\n2-1. Pick up or show off a talent.\\nTalent is very charming. Not every talent will impress every girl, but no matter what talent you have it's bound to charm at least one girl. You can develop and show off a talent you already have, or you can pick up a new one.\\nGood talents to pick up include playing the piano or guitar, drawing, or dancing.\\nYou can find excellent primers on many of these talents right here on wikiHow!\\n2-2. Embrace life.\\nAn absolute passion for life and an enjoyment of what you have tends to charm the socks off most girls. Be positive and focus on all of the great things that you have. Pursue the things that you want to have in your life. And never hide how happy you are when you are enjoying something that matters to you.\\nYou should also show some ambition. Want things for your life. Want more than what you have and work for it, while still appreciating what you do have. She'll like this quality in you.\\n2-3. Encourage her to dream\\nGirls want to be with someone who encourages them and makes them feel more hopeful about what they can do and what they can have. We all do, right? When she clearly enjoys something, encourage her to pursue it or do it more. When she mentions a dream she has for the future, encourage her and help her to pursue it!\\nSometimes, this might mean helping her with homework or at least keeping her company (and focused!) while she studies.\\nNever judge her dreams or make her feel like they're small or worthless. This is the opposite of charming!\\n2-4. Let her see how much you care.\\nGirls like to see how much you care. Being guarded with your feelings may help keep your mates from teasing you, but it mostly just makes girls feel like you don't really like them. When you show her how much you care, especially in front of your mates and other women, she'll be totally smitten.\\nTell her you love her or bring her flowers when other people are around.\\nLinger when you hug her or hold her hand. Sing a little after a kiss. These are great private communicators of feelings.\\nEveryone wants to be seen, heard, and accepted for who they are, and when you show a girl that you are genuinely interested in what she loves, understanding why she loves it, and wanting to learn more about it, it makes her feel like you care about them.\\nDo your best to make her know you are sincere about wanting to get to know who she is and what makes them tick.\\n2-5. Focus\\nLook at her eyes when you talk to her. Say her name in conversations, both with her and with others. Be loyal and don't worry about attracting other girls by being flirty or dressing to the 9s. Keeping your focus 100% on her tells her that your feelings are true.\\nMake comments to the effect of \\\"I'm not interested in attracting any more girls. I have you\\\". This shows that you're really just interested in her.\\n2-6. Never assume your entitlement.\\nNever assume that you are entitled to her affection, even if you're dating her. When girls feel like they have to give you their affection, like it's an obligation, then the whole thing quickly loses its romance. Work every day to earn her love and before you know it, you will.\\n2-7. Let others be the center of attention.\\nPutting others in the spotlight and highlighting the accomplishments of other people shows that you're a team player. It tells her that you're not selfish and that you could share a life with her, just like you share your happiness with others.\\nInstead of turning conversations to be about you, talk about what other people (especially her!) are doing instead.\\n2-8. Be kind to everyone, but especially her.\\nBeing kind to her is obvious, right? Of course you want to be nice to her if you want to charm her. But you should also be nice to others as well. When you're mean to other people or talk about them behind their back, she'll start to wonder if you do the same to her or how long it will be until you turn on her. That isn't very charming!\\n\\nBe friendly with people who struggle socially. One good way to show how kind you are to others is to be friendly and social with those who aren't good at making friends. This is especially effective if you're popular.\\nBe nice to people who are usually harassed, like homeless people, waiters, or door-to-door salesmen. When you're kind to the people that almost everyone is rude to, that sends a real message.\\n3. Sweeping Her Off Her Feet\\n3-1. Make her a present by hand.\\nA handmade gift shows her that you care and are willing to take time and effort to do something that you might not be very good at. You'll find loads of ideas online for gifts you can make by hand. Try browsing the wikiHow craft category or try Pinterest to get some inspiration. Otherwise, you can try:\\n\\nMaking her a necklace. Make her a necklace using a shell from your trip to the beach or find another pendant that reminds you of happy times that you've had together.\\nMaking her a custom journal. Use ticket stubs, receipts, and other items from dates you've got on and other things you've done together and using a flat glue like Modge Podge, attach them to the cover of a journal. If you think she wouldn't use a journal, you can also get a plain keepsake box from a craft store and decorate that instead.\\nMaking her a mix CD. For those with absolutely terrible craft skills, you can make her a mix CD that chronicles your experience of the relationship through songs.\\n3-2. Sing her a song.\\nEven if you don't possess the singing prowess of Michael Jackson, singing her a love song that means something to you (or both of you) will totally charm her. If you're a good singer it will totally play on all her Disney princess childhood dreams. If you're an okay-to-bad singer, it will show that you don't care how bad you look, you just want to show her how much she means to you. It's a win win.\\nTry singing her \\\"Unchained Melody\\\". This is an easy song and is fairly easy to pull off for even the most untalented singers.\\n3-3. Do something nice\\nWhether it's her lonely grandma or her favorite sister, going out of your way to make the day of someone that's very important to her will really make her happy. You can try making and having a nice meal with her grandmother or help her dad clean up the backyard, for example.\\n3-4. Leave love notes for her everywhere.\\nWrite little love messages on Post-It notes and leave them everywhere, hiding them wherever she goes frequently. You can even hide them in locations that she might not find for a while. You can put the messages in her drawers, books, purse, on her cellphone, in the kitchen cabinets, under her pillow, and in any other location you can think of.\\nWrite things like \\\"I love kissing your forehead when you come home\\\", \\\"My favorite time of day is waking up to you\\\", \\\"Being your knight in shining armor is my greatest honor\\\".\\n3-5. Give her the spa treatment\\nSome guys give their girlfriends back rubs (which is lovely, don't get us wrong) but you're going to go the extra mile, because she's worth it. Get some massage oils and heat them up by placing the container in a bowl of warm water. Then put on some soothing sounds or music, light some candles (make sure to keep them away from the oils!), and give her a total body rub down. If you don't know how to give a good massage, that's okay: wikiHow has your back.\\nYou can try MyNoise for great spa-like sounds.\\n3-6. Go above and beyond when she's had a bad day.\\nWhen she's having a really tough time, such as if something went really wrong at work or she lost someone important to her, start by taking all of the pressure off of her. Do all the cleaning, cooking, and other stressful activities for a day or two until she can recover.If you want to be super sweet, when you are sick, sneeze on her. I know, it sounds gross. However, when she gets sick, it would be a good time to give her a spa treatment. She'll think it's adorable. At the same time, do what you can to help her see that there are good things in life too. You don't want to diminish the situation by trying to joke or distract her, but you should offer her the option in case she wants it.\\nFor example, make and give her a coupon for a free movie date with you.\\n3-7. Have her challenge you.\\nAsk her to throw down a challenge so that you can prove how much you love her. Have her challenge you to run 5 laps around the park or do 50 push ups. She might even take the opportunity to up the ante and ask you to fix something that's really been bothering her, like quitting smoking. Taking on the small challenges will bring a smile to her face and charm her, but taking on the big challenges will really prove how much you care. Just be aware that once she throws it down, you're going to have to follow through!\\n3-8. Have a girls' night\\nIt's fun for her to hang out with her girls but sometimes it can be extra special if she gets to do those same activities with the one she loves! Watch those girly movies that make her so happy, go together to get pedicures, and eat a tub of ice cream while she vents about her bestie. She'll be blown away that you're willing to set aside norms to have a good time with her.\\nTips\\nAlways support her.\\nAlways be yourself.\\nAlways keep her feelings into consideration.\\nWarnings\\nDon't go over the top — a girl can tell when you're being desperate.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"You want to be her Prince Charming, her Knight in Shining Armor, but how exactly do you sweep this girl off her feet? It's not as hard as it seems. With some simple tricks and techniques, you can be charming girls in a way that shows her respect and maintains your dignity. Just get started with Step 1 below.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Looking Great\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Show that you respect yourself.\", \"描述\": \"Self respect, whether we realize it or not, is one of the first things we look for when seeking out healthy relationships. You show your self respect in how you take care of and present your body. Bathe regularly, use deodorant, and generally do things like wearing clean, unwrinkled clothes. You should also exercise to keep your body strong and healthy.\\nYou should also show your self respect in your actions. Don't talk down about yourself and speak up for yourself when you're with other people.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Dress to flatter your body\", \"描述\": \"No matter what you've got to start off with, you can make your body look even better by carefully curating what you wear. Wear clothes that fit, first of all: they shouldn't be too tight or too big. You also want them to accentuate good features and play down bad ones. Get those pants back on your butt, she wants to see your drawers later, not now. Next, figure out what colors look good on you. Depending on your mixture of hair and skin colors, as well as minor factors like eye color, different colors will look better or worse on you.\\nFor example, wear pants with vertical pinstripes, because they'll make you look taller and thinner.\\nFor choosing colors, you generally want to create contrast. If you have light skin, then darker colors will look better on you (just don't wear all black all the time). If you have dark skin, then light or brighter colors will look better on you.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Check your face care routine.\", \"描述\": \"You don't have to have the best bone structure in the world in order to look like her Prince Charming; just a little facial care can do the trick! Make sure you're shaving correctly in order to fight shaving bumps and cuts. Do some basic maintenance by plucking wayward eyebrow hairs. You should also moisturize your skin, no matter how girly it seems. Moisturizing will make you look healthier, which naturally makes you more attractive.\\nDon't forget to fight acne, if you have it. A good cleaning regimen is often all you need to significantly reduce the acne problem that you have, but medicinal help is also available.\\nTry using makeup! We know, we know, but hear us out: makeup is designed to make your skin look better and healthier. It covers up all the problems with your skin. You don't have to do too much either. Using a wrinkle filler will make your skin look smooth, covering acne scars and large pores. Go over the top of that with a foundation gel stick and you'll be able to create a healthy look with little effort.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Get a good haircut.\", \"描述\": \"Having a good haircut can totally change your whole looking, taking you from creeper-on-the-street to Michael Fassbender-like stud before you know it. Hairstyles compliment our natural features by playing up the parts that looks good, helping to hide the parts that look bad, and creating illusions that seem to give our face a whole new shape. See a hairstylist and get their recommendation to find a hairstyle that works for you.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Find your best smile.\", \"描述\": \"Spend some time in front of the mirror and practice your smile. You may find that your natural smile might be a bit off-putting. Try smiling in different ways until you find one that looks better. Some people look better with a closed mouth smile, some look better with one row of teeth, some look better with all teeth bared. It just depends on your face.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being Her Prince Charming\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Pick up or show off a talent.\", \"描述\": \"Talent is very charming. Not every talent will impress every girl, but no matter what talent you have it's bound to charm at least one girl. You can develop and show off a talent you already have, or you can pick up a new one.\\nGood talents to pick up include playing the piano or guitar, drawing, or dancing.\\nYou can find excellent primers on many of these talents right here on wikiHow!\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Embrace life.\", \"描述\": \"An absolute passion for life and an enjoyment of what you have tends to charm the socks off most girls. Be positive and focus on all of the great things that you have. Pursue the things that you want to have in your life. And never hide how happy you are when you are enjoying something that matters to you.\\nYou should also show some ambition. Want things for your life. Want more than what you have and work for it, while still appreciating what you do have. She'll like this quality in you.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Encourage her to dream\", \"描述\": \"Girls want to be with someone who encourages them and makes them feel more hopeful about what they can do and what they can have. We all do, right? When she clearly enjoys something, encourage her to pursue it or do it more. When she mentions a dream she has for the future, encourage her and help her to pursue it!\\nSometimes, this might mean helping her with homework or at least keeping her company (and focused!) while she studies.\\nNever judge her dreams or make her feel like they're small or worthless. This is the opposite of charming!\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Let her see how much you care.\", \"描述\": \"Girls like to see how much you care. Being guarded with your feelings may help keep your mates from teasing you, but it mostly just makes girls feel like you don't really like them. When you show her how much you care, especially in front of your mates and other women, she'll be totally smitten.\\nTell her you love her or bring her flowers when other people are around.\\nLinger when you hug her or hold her hand. Sing a little after a kiss. These are great private communicators of feelings.\\nEveryone wants to be seen, heard, and accepted for who they are, and when you show a girl that you are genuinely interested in what she loves, understanding why she loves it, and wanting to learn more about it, it makes her feel like you care about them.\\nDo your best to make her know you are sincere about wanting to get to know who she is and what makes them tick.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Focus\", \"描述\": \"Look at her eyes when you talk to her. Say her name in conversations, both with her and with others. Be loyal and don't worry about attracting other girls by being flirty or dressing to the 9s. Keeping your focus 100% on her tells her that your feelings are true.\\nMake comments to the effect of \\\"I'm not interested in attracting any more girls. I have you\\\". This shows that you're really just interested in her.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Never assume your entitlement.\", \"描述\": \"Never assume that you are entitled to her affection, even if you're dating her. When girls feel like they have to give you their affection, like it's an obligation, then the whole thing quickly loses its romance. Work every day to earn her love and before you know it, you will.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Let others be the center of attention.\", \"描述\": \"Putting others in the spotlight and highlighting the accomplishments of other people shows that you're a team player. It tells her that you're not selfish and that you could share a life with her, just like you share your happiness with others.\\nInstead of turning conversations to be about you, talk about what other people (especially her!) are doing instead.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Be kind to everyone, but especially her.\", \"描述\": \"Being kind to her is obvious, right? Of course you want to be nice to her if you want to charm her. But you should also be nice to others as well. When you're mean to other people or talk about them behind their back, she'll start to wonder if you do the same to her or how long it will be until you turn on her. That isn't very charming!\\n\\nBe friendly with people who struggle socially. One good way to show how kind you are to others is to be friendly and social with those who aren't good at making friends. This is especially effective if you're popular.\\nBe nice to people who are usually harassed, like homeless people, waiters, or door-to-door salesmen. When you're kind to the people that almost everyone is rude to, that sends a real message.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Sweeping Her Off Her Feet\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make her a present by hand.\", \"描述\": \"A handmade gift shows her that you care and are willing to take time and effort to do something that you might not be very good at. You'll find loads of ideas online for gifts you can make by hand. Try browsing the wikiHow craft category or try Pinterest to get some inspiration. Otherwise, you can try:\\n\\nMaking her a necklace. Make her a necklace using a shell from your trip to the beach or find another pendant that reminds you of happy times that you've had together.\\nMaking her a custom journal. Use ticket stubs, receipts, and other items from dates you've got on and other things you've done together and using a flat glue like Modge Podge, attach them to the cover of a journal. If you think she wouldn't use a journal, you can also get a plain keepsake box from a craft store and decorate that instead.\\nMaking her a mix CD. For those with absolutely terrible craft skills, you can make her a mix CD that chronicles your experience of the relationship through songs.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Sing her a song.\", \"描述\": \"Even if you don't possess the singing prowess of Michael Jackson, singing her a love song that means something to you (or both of you) will totally charm her. If you're a good singer it will totally play on all her Disney princess childhood dreams. If you're an okay-to-bad singer, it will show that you don't care how bad you look, you just want to show her how much she means to you. It's a win win.\\nTry singing her \\\"Unchained Melody\\\". This is an easy song and is fairly easy to pull off for even the most untalented singers.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Do something nice\", \"描述\": \"Whether it's her lonely grandma or her favorite sister, going out of your way to make the day of someone that's very important to her will really make her happy. You can try making and having a nice meal with her grandmother or help her dad clean up the backyard, for example.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Leave love notes for her everywhere.\", \"描述\": \"Write little love messages on Post-It notes and leave them everywhere, hiding them wherever she goes frequently. You can even hide them in locations that she might not find for a while. You can put the messages in her drawers, books, purse, on her cellphone, in the kitchen cabinets, under her pillow, and in any other location you can think of.\\nWrite things like \\\"I love kissing your forehead when you come home\\\", \\\"My favorite time of day is waking up to you\\\", \\\"Being your knight in shining armor is my greatest honor\\\".\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Give her the spa treatment\", \"描述\": \"Some guys give their girlfriends back rubs (which is lovely, don't get us wrong) but you're going to go the extra mile, because she's worth it. Get some massage oils and heat them up by placing the container in a bowl of warm water. Then put on some soothing sounds or music, light some candles (make sure to keep them away from the oils!), and give her a total body rub down. If you don't know how to give a good massage, that's okay: wikiHow has your back.\\nYou can try MyNoise for great spa-like sounds.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Go above and beyond when she's had a bad day.\", \"描述\": \"When she's having a really tough time, such as if something went really wrong at work or she lost someone important to her, start by taking all of the pressure off of her. Do all the cleaning, cooking, and other stressful activities for a day or two until she can recover.If you want to be super sweet, when you are sick, sneeze on her. I know, it sounds gross. However, when she gets sick, it would be a good time to give her a spa treatment. She'll think it's adorable. At the same time, do what you can to help her see that there are good things in life too. You don't want to diminish the situation by trying to joke or distract her, but you should offer her the option in case she wants it.\\nFor example, make and give her a coupon for a free movie date with you.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Have her challenge you.\", \"描述\": \"Ask her to throw down a challenge so that you can prove how much you love her. Have her challenge you to run 5 laps around the park or do 50 push ups. She might even take the opportunity to up the ante and ask you to fix something that's really been bothering her, like quitting smoking. Taking on the small challenges will bring a smile to her face and charm her, but taking on the big challenges will really prove how much you care. Just be aware that once she throws it down, you're going to have to follow through!\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Have a girls' night\", \"描述\": \"It's fun for her to hang out with her girls but sometimes it can be extra special if she gets to do those same activities with the one she loves! Watch those girly movies that make her so happy, go together to get pedicures, and eat a tub of ice cream while she vents about her bestie. She'll be blown away that you're willing to set aside norms to have a good time with her.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Always support her.\\n\", \"Always be yourself.\\n\", \"Always keep her feelings into consideration.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Don't go over the top — a girl can tell when you're being desperate.\\n\"]}]}}",
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} | wikihow |
3,597 | How to Be Cheerful | 1. Finding Happiness Within Yourself
1-1. Find your passion.
Being cheerful isn’t something that’s going to just come about by wishing it. To spread cheer to others, it will be necessary to actually love your life. This means finding and practicing activities that you’re passionate about.
Make a list of times in your life when you were deeply happy. Include as many details as possible. Include who you were with at the time, whether you were indoors or outdoors, what activities you were doing, and perhaps even what the temperature was like. These details will be different for everyone, so it’s important to flesh out all those details.
Then, look for trends in the details. Have you been most happy when you’re outdoors in nature? Or is it when you’re surrounded by people who challenge you? Notice which conditions produce the most happiness. Then, work on sharing these conditions with other people. Maximize the time you spend under those circumstances. Before you know it, cheerfulness can become natural to you.
If nothing comes to mind when you think about your passions, this may take some time and effort on your part. Rest assured that everyone has the potential for passion. Experiment with many activities and situations until passion starts to emerge.
1-2. Be comfortable in your own skin.
Becoming cheerful requires being comfortable with yourself. You are a unique person with your own individual traits, strengths and challenges. Be proud of your abilities and strive to be happy about who you are.
Avoid striving for perfection. Instead, think of yourself and your life as works in progress. This can make it easier to accept yourself.
1-3. Accept your feelings.
Humans are complex. Even people who appear cheerful most of the time experience a broad range of emotions throughout any given day. Don't try to force yourself to feel happy all the time.
Sometimes, you might realize that being cheerful just isn’t something you’re capable of at the moment. There's nothing wrong with that. What’s most important is that you learn to accept your emotions.
Learn to work with what you feel instead of trying to focus only on those emotions that you consider most positive. For example, if you are angry at someone, don't try to reject those feelings because anger is "bad." Instead, accept your anger, and think about what you can do to feel better or forgive the person.
1-4. Look on the bright side, but be honest.
If you're having a bad day, acknowledge it. You shouldn't just ignore the fact and continue trying to act happy. Then, after you've accepted the fact that you're experiencing a bad day, look for positives and think of ways to make the situation better.
For example, imagine you've been laid-off from your job. That's probably upsetting for you, and it's okay to accept that. But, after the initial shock has passed, start thinking about ways to improve your situation. Make a plan to apply for unemployment, and for finding a new job. Perhaps this will be an opportunity to find work you like better.
This will help you accept the complex nature of life. Faking cheer can be counterproductive. People will likely be able to pick up conflicting messages in your body language and facial expressions. So, it’s best to just let any emotions flow through you, whatever they might be.
At the same time, don’t brood over a particular emotion, but instead try to learn why you are feeling it. For instance, if you are angry, that might be because you’re uncomfortable and don’t know how to express it. Or, you might have unrealistically high expectations for the situation you happen to be in.
This might not be easy at first. But, by persistently trying to relate your emotions to what’s the present moment, you can learn to control them.
1-5. Learn how negative experiences from your past affect you today.
Negative experiences can have lasting impacts on our brains work and our ability to control our emotions. This includes traumatic events and long periods of depression. Past events like these can make it difficult to be cheerful.
This doesn’t mean your are completely controlled by your past. The brain and body have a certain plasticity to them. This allows us to work through negative experiences and make new, positive changes in how our minds work. Over time, you can overcome experiences that make it hard to be cheerful.
If there are events in your past you can't get over, see a counselor or other mental health professional. They will listen to whatever you might be struggling with. They will also provide helpful practices or strategies for working through difficult emotions.
If you can, don’t be afraid to experiment with different counselors. Sometimes it takes a while to find one who is the right fit for you.
Many health insurance plans provide for a certain number of mental health visits. Check to see if yours does.
1-6. Keep a journal.
Journaling has many mental health benefits that can help you feel comfortable with your past. Especially if you have traumatic events in your past, try writing in about your feelings in a journal every day.
Writing about your past experiences or negative emotions is a particularly useful method for working through past traumas. Sit down and write down as many details as you can remember about the experience you have in mind. Or, just describe the emotions you are feeling in the present moment.
Writing about your emotions and negative past experiences can give you some distance from them. It can also make them manageable for you in future situations.
If you find this overwhelming, or it is upsetting you more than it is helping, you may need professional help. Consider talking to a counselor or therapist.
1-7. Try meditation.
Meditation and/or breathing exercises can also help you control emotions related to your past. Some psychologists have called this developing "mindsight." This is an ability to make decisions about how we respond to our emotions.
Sit in a comfortable place with your legs crossed and your hands in your lap. Close your eyes and take deep, steady breaths. Focus on your breathing and try let go of everything else in your mind.
There are cds and mp3s available to help guide you through the meditation process.
You might not be able to stop experiencing certain emotions. But you can learn to control with regard to how we let them affect our day-to-day life. Learning to meditate will help give you more control over your emotional state. Studies show that meditation helps regulate the function of the amygdala, the part of your brain that controls emotional responses.
1-8. Stay healthy.
Get plenty of sleep and eat well. You need your energy and strength to feel and be your best every day.
This might mean getting a little bit more exercise. Try to get at least 150 minutes of moderate exercise or 75 minutes of vigorous aerobic exercise every week. This can lower blood pressure and reduce stress and anxiety.
If you want to be a cheerful person, you must to take care of your body. You must get the right amount of exercise and proper nutritional intake to feel your best.
2. Behaving Cheerfully
2-1. Smile.
When you feel happy, let it show on your face! Smiling not only shows others that you are happy, but can cheer other people up, too.
Further, smiling can also make you feel more cheerful yourself.
2-2. Use body language.
Use your body to show your cheerfulness. Avoid slouching, as this can make you look tired or unhappy. Keep your posture open and relaxed.
Open body language means not crossing your arms or legs. Keep your feet pointed toward the person you are talking to.
Relaxed body language means keeping your muscles relaxed, especially your arms and hands. They should hang loosely at your sides. People can often tell when your muscles are tense.
2-3. Speak cheerfully.
Use your tone of voice, speech cadence, and words to communicate your cheerfulness. Specifically:
Vary your tone of voice and avoid speaking in a monotone.
Speak quickly (but not so quickly that you are difficult to understand).
Use positive words like "love" and "great." Be positive and talk about others, not just yourself.
2-4. Be friendly.
Be outgoing, and if you see someone who looks like they need a friend, try to be that friend.
Say hello to people you don't know, and be open if they want to talk to you.
Compliment people and make other nice gestures, like bringing food to a gathering to share with others.
Try to include new people in your activities and social circle, especially if they seem in need of a friend.
For example, imagine someone new has joined your class or workplace who has moved from far away. You might invite him or her to have lunch with you and your friends. Chances are, this person doesn't know many people in the area yet and will really appreciate you reaching out to them.
3. Boosting Your Everyday Cheer
3-1. Do something now.
When you are feeling sluggish or uninspired, try to do something—anything! Staying active will help you stay cheerful.
Get moving. Clean your house, do the dishes, fold some laundry, or start exercising. You will feel like you have accomplished something, and this can help you feel more positive.
3-2. Do things you enjoy.
It's easier to be cheerful if you are enjoying life. Make sure to take some time, every day, at least once a day, to do something that brings you joy. What this will be will vary for each person, here are some suggestions:
Put on your favorite song and have a one-person dance party.
Go for a walk in the woods.
Treat yourself to a favorite food or drink. Have a cup of your favorite coffee or a piece of pie.
You don't have to plan this or wait for a certain time of the day, just do it when it feels right.
3-3. Practice gratitude.
Focus on the things you are grateful for in our life, and express your gratitude to others.
Letting others know you are grateful for things they do that make your life better can make you happier, spread cheer, and improve your relationships with other people.
You might also want to consider keeping a gratitude journal, in which you write about the things you are thankful for. Research suggests that this can increase happiness and even improve your physical health.
3-4. Get involved with a cause.
This can include going to meetings about a cause in person or simply joining a group online. Getting involved in a social cause can be a great way to build connections with other people. It's also a good way cultivate a passion about something outside of yourself.
Investing your energy in creating change in the world with other people can help you discover new passions. This, in turn, can allow you to be more cheerful in your interactions with others in general.
Help someone who is in need. Not everybody is as fortunate as you are. Try to help them out by donating to charities or running a food drive. Even something simple like complimenting someone or offering a smile can improve the lives of others.
3-5. Listen
When people talk to you, be a good listener. Make eye contact and acknowledge their perspectives.
Listening to others with an open mind is a good way to show you are confident and cheerful. It will make other people feel cared about. In doing so, you might improve how other people are feeling.
Listening to others can be a good way to get new insights about the world. It also lets you share the happiness other people might be experiencing.
3-6. Be open minded.
Don't judge other people. When you meet someone new, try to find something in common with him or her. Try to not to jump to conclusions about people based on their appearances.
Judging others can make both you and the other person unhappy.
Instead, assume the best about people.
Avoid putting people down. Instead, encourage them to rise and accomplish their goals. Display optimism, and cheer people on. Your optimism will become contagious.
Tips
Always try to think positively. Look for the upside, even in a negative situation.
Smile. When you feel happy, let others know. Happiness can be contagious.
Say hello to new people, not just the same people every day. Let others know that you're willing to be friends with everyone.
Warnings
Be careful; sometimes kindness is misunderstood as a come on. Don't come on too strong, especially with members of the opposite sex.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:27",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Finding Happiness Within Yourself\\n1-1. Find your passion.\\nBeing cheerful isn’t something that’s going to just come about by wishing it. To spread cheer to others, it will be necessary to actually love your life. This means finding and practicing activities that you’re passionate about.\\nMake a list of times in your life when you were deeply happy. Include as many details as possible. Include who you were with at the time, whether you were indoors or outdoors, what activities you were doing, and perhaps even what the temperature was like. These details will be different for everyone, so it’s important to flesh out all those details.\\nThen, look for trends in the details. Have you been most happy when you’re outdoors in nature? Or is it when you’re surrounded by people who challenge you? Notice which conditions produce the most happiness. Then, work on sharing these conditions with other people. Maximize the time you spend under those circumstances. Before you know it, cheerfulness can become natural to you.\\nIf nothing comes to mind when you think about your passions, this may take some time and effort on your part. Rest assured that everyone has the potential for passion. Experiment with many activities and situations until passion starts to emerge.\\n1-2. Be comfortable in your own skin.\\nBecoming cheerful requires being comfortable with yourself. You are a unique person with your own individual traits, strengths and challenges. Be proud of your abilities and strive to be happy about who you are.\\nAvoid striving for perfection. Instead, think of yourself and your life as works in progress. This can make it easier to accept yourself.\\n1-3. Accept your feelings.\\nHumans are complex. Even people who appear cheerful most of the time experience a broad range of emotions throughout any given day. Don't try to force yourself to feel happy all the time.\\nSometimes, you might realize that being cheerful just isn’t something you’re capable of at the moment. There's nothing wrong with that. What’s most important is that you learn to accept your emotions.\\nLearn to work with what you feel instead of trying to focus only on those emotions that you consider most positive. For example, if you are angry at someone, don't try to reject those feelings because anger is \\\"bad.\\\" Instead, accept your anger, and think about what you can do to feel better or forgive the person.\\n1-4. Look on the bright side, but be honest.\\nIf you're having a bad day, acknowledge it. You shouldn't just ignore the fact and continue trying to act happy. Then, after you've accepted the fact that you're experiencing a bad day, look for positives and think of ways to make the situation better.\\nFor example, imagine you've been laid-off from your job. That's probably upsetting for you, and it's okay to accept that. But, after the initial shock has passed, start thinking about ways to improve your situation. Make a plan to apply for unemployment, and for finding a new job. Perhaps this will be an opportunity to find work you like better.\\nThis will help you accept the complex nature of life. Faking cheer can be counterproductive. People will likely be able to pick up conflicting messages in your body language and facial expressions. So, it’s best to just let any emotions flow through you, whatever they might be.\\nAt the same time, don’t brood over a particular emotion, but instead try to learn why you are feeling it. For instance, if you are angry, that might be because you’re uncomfortable and don’t know how to express it. Or, you might have unrealistically high expectations for the situation you happen to be in.\\nThis might not be easy at first. But, by persistently trying to relate your emotions to what’s the present moment, you can learn to control them.\\n1-5. Learn how negative experiences from your past affect you today.\\nNegative experiences can have lasting impacts on our brains work and our ability to control our emotions. This includes traumatic events and long periods of depression. Past events like these can make it difficult to be cheerful.\\nThis doesn’t mean your are completely controlled by your past. The brain and body have a certain plasticity to them. This allows us to work through negative experiences and make new, positive changes in how our minds work. Over time, you can overcome experiences that make it hard to be cheerful.\\nIf there are events in your past you can't get over, see a counselor or other mental health professional. They will listen to whatever you might be struggling with. They will also provide helpful practices or strategies for working through difficult emotions.\\nIf you can, don’t be afraid to experiment with different counselors. Sometimes it takes a while to find one who is the right fit for you.\\nMany health insurance plans provide for a certain number of mental health visits. Check to see if yours does.\\n1-6. Keep a journal.\\nJournaling has many mental health benefits that can help you feel comfortable with your past. Especially if you have traumatic events in your past, try writing in about your feelings in a journal every day.\\nWriting about your past experiences or negative emotions is a particularly useful method for working through past traumas. Sit down and write down as many details as you can remember about the experience you have in mind. Or, just describe the emotions you are feeling in the present moment.\\nWriting about your emotions and negative past experiences can give you some distance from them. It can also make them manageable for you in future situations.\\nIf you find this overwhelming, or it is upsetting you more than it is helping, you may need professional help. Consider talking to a counselor or therapist.\\n1-7. Try meditation.\\nMeditation and/or breathing exercises can also help you control emotions related to your past. Some psychologists have called this developing \\\"mindsight.\\\" This is an ability to make decisions about how we respond to our emotions.\\nSit in a comfortable place with your legs crossed and your hands in your lap. Close your eyes and take deep, steady breaths. Focus on your breathing and try let go of everything else in your mind.\\nThere are cds and mp3s available to help guide you through the meditation process.\\nYou might not be able to stop experiencing certain emotions. But you can learn to control with regard to how we let them affect our day-to-day life. Learning to meditate will help give you more control over your emotional state. Studies show that meditation helps regulate the function of the amygdala, the part of your brain that controls emotional responses.\\n1-8. Stay healthy.\\nGet plenty of sleep and eat well. You need your energy and strength to feel and be your best every day.\\nThis might mean getting a little bit more exercise. Try to get at least 150 minutes of moderate exercise or 75 minutes of vigorous aerobic exercise every week. This can lower blood pressure and reduce stress and anxiety.\\nIf you want to be a cheerful person, you must to take care of your body. You must get the right amount of exercise and proper nutritional intake to feel your best.\\n2. Behaving Cheerfully\\n2-1. Smile.\\nWhen you feel happy, let it show on your face! Smiling not only shows others that you are happy, but can cheer other people up, too.\\nFurther, smiling can also make you feel more cheerful yourself.\\n2-2. Use body language.\\nUse your body to show your cheerfulness. Avoid slouching, as this can make you look tired or unhappy. Keep your posture open and relaxed.\\nOpen body language means not crossing your arms or legs. Keep your feet pointed toward the person you are talking to.\\nRelaxed body language means keeping your muscles relaxed, especially your arms and hands. They should hang loosely at your sides. People can often tell when your muscles are tense.\\n2-3. Speak cheerfully.\\nUse your tone of voice, speech cadence, and words to communicate your cheerfulness. Specifically:\\nVary your tone of voice and avoid speaking in a monotone.\\nSpeak quickly (but not so quickly that you are difficult to understand).\\nUse positive words like \\\"love\\\" and \\\"great.\\\" Be positive and talk about others, not just yourself.\\n2-4. Be friendly.\\nBe outgoing, and if you see someone who looks like they need a friend, try to be that friend.\\nSay hello to people you don't know, and be open if they want to talk to you.\\nCompliment people and make other nice gestures, like bringing food to a gathering to share with others.\\nTry to include new people in your activities and social circle, especially if they seem in need of a friend.\\nFor example, imagine someone new has joined your class or workplace who has moved from far away. You might invite him or her to have lunch with you and your friends. Chances are, this person doesn't know many people in the area yet and will really appreciate you reaching out to them.\\n3. Boosting Your Everyday Cheer\\n3-1. Do something now.\\nWhen you are feeling sluggish or uninspired, try to do something—anything! Staying active will help you stay cheerful.\\nGet moving. Clean your house, do the dishes, fold some laundry, or start exercising. You will feel like you have accomplished something, and this can help you feel more positive.\\n3-2. Do things you enjoy.\\nIt's easier to be cheerful if you are enjoying life. Make sure to take some time, every day, at least once a day, to do something that brings you joy. What this will be will vary for each person, here are some suggestions:\\nPut on your favorite song and have a one-person dance party.\\nGo for a walk in the woods.\\nTreat yourself to a favorite food or drink. Have a cup of your favorite coffee or a piece of pie.\\nYou don't have to plan this or wait for a certain time of the day, just do it when it feels right.\\n3-3. Practice gratitude.\\nFocus on the things you are grateful for in our life, and express your gratitude to others.\\nLetting others know you are grateful for things they do that make your life better can make you happier, spread cheer, and improve your relationships with other people.\\nYou might also want to consider keeping a gratitude journal, in which you write about the things you are thankful for. Research suggests that this can increase happiness and even improve your physical health.\\n3-4. Get involved with a cause.\\nThis can include going to meetings about a cause in person or simply joining a group online. Getting involved in a social cause can be a great way to build connections with other people. It's also a good way cultivate a passion about something outside of yourself.\\nInvesting your energy in creating change in the world with other people can help you discover new passions. This, in turn, can allow you to be more cheerful in your interactions with others in general.\\nHelp someone who is in need. Not everybody is as fortunate as you are. Try to help them out by donating to charities or running a food drive. Even something simple like complimenting someone or offering a smile can improve the lives of others.\\n3-5. Listen\\nWhen people talk to you, be a good listener. Make eye contact and acknowledge their perspectives.\\nListening to others with an open mind is a good way to show you are confident and cheerful. It will make other people feel cared about. In doing so, you might improve how other people are feeling.\\nListening to others can be a good way to get new insights about the world. It also lets you share the happiness other people might be experiencing.\\n3-6. Be open minded.\\nDon't judge other people. When you meet someone new, try to find something in common with him or her. Try to not to jump to conclusions about people based on their appearances.\\nJudging others can make both you and the other person unhappy.\\nInstead, assume the best about people.\\nAvoid putting people down. Instead, encourage them to rise and accomplish their goals. Display optimism, and cheer people on. Your optimism will become contagious.\\nTips\\nAlways try to think positively. Look for the upside, even in a negative situation.\\nSmile. When you feel happy, let others know. Happiness can be contagious.\\nSay hello to new people, not just the same people every day. Let others know that you're willing to be friends with everyone.\\nWarnings\\nBe careful; sometimes kindness is misunderstood as a come on. Don't come on too strong, especially with members of the opposite sex.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Cheerfulness is special because of how it affects others. It isn’t just something that you feel on your own, it involves expressing positive feelings to those around you. Acting cheerful when you’re really not happy can actually produce the opposite effect in those around you. You may think you are great at faking emotions. But, your body language and facial expressions can reveal your true feelings. By focusing on what you’re passionate about and learning to share this passion with others, you can become more cheerful.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Finding Happiness Within Yourself\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Find your passion.\", \"描述\": \"Being cheerful isn’t something that’s going to just come about by wishing it. To spread cheer to others, it will be necessary to actually love your life. This means finding and practicing activities that you’re passionate about.\\nMake a list of times in your life when you were deeply happy. Include as many details as possible. Include who you were with at the time, whether you were indoors or outdoors, what activities you were doing, and perhaps even what the temperature was like. These details will be different for everyone, so it’s important to flesh out all those details.\\nThen, look for trends in the details. Have you been most happy when you’re outdoors in nature? Or is it when you’re surrounded by people who challenge you? Notice which conditions produce the most happiness. Then, work on sharing these conditions with other people. Maximize the time you spend under those circumstances. Before you know it, cheerfulness can become natural to you.\\nIf nothing comes to mind when you think about your passions, this may take some time and effort on your part. Rest assured that everyone has the potential for passion. Experiment with many activities and situations until passion starts to emerge.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Be comfortable in your own skin.\", \"描述\": \"Becoming cheerful requires being comfortable with yourself. You are a unique person with your own individual traits, strengths and challenges. Be proud of your abilities and strive to be happy about who you are.\\nAvoid striving for perfection. Instead, think of yourself and your life as works in progress. This can make it easier to accept yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Accept your feelings.\", \"描述\": \"Humans are complex. Even people who appear cheerful most of the time experience a broad range of emotions throughout any given day. Don't try to force yourself to feel happy all the time.\\nSometimes, you might realize that being cheerful just isn’t something you’re capable of at the moment. There's nothing wrong with that. What’s most important is that you learn to accept your emotions.\\nLearn to work with what you feel instead of trying to focus only on those emotions that you consider most positive. For example, if you are angry at someone, don't try to reject those feelings because anger is \\\"bad.\\\" Instead, accept your anger, and think about what you can do to feel better or forgive the person.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Look on the bright side, but be honest.\", \"描述\": \"If you're having a bad day, acknowledge it. You shouldn't just ignore the fact and continue trying to act happy. Then, after you've accepted the fact that you're experiencing a bad day, look for positives and think of ways to make the situation better.\\nFor example, imagine you've been laid-off from your job. That's probably upsetting for you, and it's okay to accept that. But, after the initial shock has passed, start thinking about ways to improve your situation. Make a plan to apply for unemployment, and for finding a new job. Perhaps this will be an opportunity to find work you like better.\\nThis will help you accept the complex nature of life. Faking cheer can be counterproductive. People will likely be able to pick up conflicting messages in your body language and facial expressions. So, it’s best to just let any emotions flow through you, whatever they might be.\\nAt the same time, don’t brood over a particular emotion, but instead try to learn why you are feeling it. For instance, if you are angry, that might be because you’re uncomfortable and don’t know how to express it. Or, you might have unrealistically high expectations for the situation you happen to be in.\\nThis might not be easy at first. But, by persistently trying to relate your emotions to what’s the present moment, you can learn to control them.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Learn how negative experiences from your past affect you today.\", \"描述\": \"Negative experiences can have lasting impacts on our brains work and our ability to control our emotions. This includes traumatic events and long periods of depression. Past events like these can make it difficult to be cheerful.\\nThis doesn’t mean your are completely controlled by your past. The brain and body have a certain plasticity to them. This allows us to work through negative experiences and make new, positive changes in how our minds work. Over time, you can overcome experiences that make it hard to be cheerful.\\nIf there are events in your past you can't get over, see a counselor or other mental health professional. They will listen to whatever you might be struggling with. They will also provide helpful practices or strategies for working through difficult emotions.\\nIf you can, don’t be afraid to experiment with different counselors. Sometimes it takes a while to find one who is the right fit for you.\\nMany health insurance plans provide for a certain number of mental health visits. Check to see if yours does.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Keep a journal.\", \"描述\": \"Journaling has many mental health benefits that can help you feel comfortable with your past. Especially if you have traumatic events in your past, try writing in about your feelings in a journal every day.\\nWriting about your past experiences or negative emotions is a particularly useful method for working through past traumas. Sit down and write down as many details as you can remember about the experience you have in mind. Or, just describe the emotions you are feeling in the present moment.\\nWriting about your emotions and negative past experiences can give you some distance from them. It can also make them manageable for you in future situations.\\nIf you find this overwhelming, or it is upsetting you more than it is helping, you may need professional help. Consider talking to a counselor or therapist.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Try meditation.\", \"描述\": \"Meditation and/or breathing exercises can also help you control emotions related to your past. Some psychologists have called this developing \\\"mindsight.\\\" This is an ability to make decisions about how we respond to our emotions.\\nSit in a comfortable place with your legs crossed and your hands in your lap. Close your eyes and take deep, steady breaths. Focus on your breathing and try let go of everything else in your mind.\\nThere are cds and mp3s available to help guide you through the meditation process.\\nYou might not be able to stop experiencing certain emotions. But you can learn to control with regard to how we let them affect our day-to-day life. Learning to meditate will help give you more control over your emotional state. Studies show that meditation helps regulate the function of the amygdala, the part of your brain that controls emotional responses.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Stay healthy.\", \"描述\": \"Get plenty of sleep and eat well. You need your energy and strength to feel and be your best every day.\\nThis might mean getting a little bit more exercise. Try to get at least 150 minutes of moderate exercise or 75 minutes of vigorous aerobic exercise every week. This can lower blood pressure and reduce stress and anxiety.\\nIf you want to be a cheerful person, you must to take care of your body. You must get the right amount of exercise and proper nutritional intake to feel your best.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Behaving Cheerfully\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Smile.\", \"描述\": \"When you feel happy, let it show on your face! Smiling not only shows others that you are happy, but can cheer other people up, too.\\nFurther, smiling can also make you feel more cheerful yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Use body language.\", \"描述\": \"Use your body to show your cheerfulness. Avoid slouching, as this can make you look tired or unhappy. Keep your posture open and relaxed.\\nOpen body language means not crossing your arms or legs. Keep your feet pointed toward the person you are talking to.\\nRelaxed body language means keeping your muscles relaxed, especially your arms and hands. They should hang loosely at your sides. People can often tell when your muscles are tense.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Speak cheerfully.\", \"描述\": \"Use your tone of voice, speech cadence, and words to communicate your cheerfulness. Specifically:\\nVary your tone of voice and avoid speaking in a monotone.\\nSpeak quickly (but not so quickly that you are difficult to understand).\\nUse positive words like \\\"love\\\" and \\\"great.\\\" Be positive and talk about others, not just yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be friendly.\", \"描述\": \"Be outgoing, and if you see someone who looks like they need a friend, try to be that friend.\\nSay hello to people you don't know, and be open if they want to talk to you.\\nCompliment people and make other nice gestures, like bringing food to a gathering to share with others.\\nTry to include new people in your activities and social circle, especially if they seem in need of a friend.\\nFor example, imagine someone new has joined your class or workplace who has moved from far away. You might invite him or her to have lunch with you and your friends. Chances are, this person doesn't know many people in the area yet and will really appreciate you reaching out to them.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Boosting Your Everyday Cheer\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Do something now.\", \"描述\": \"When you are feeling sluggish or uninspired, try to do something—anything! Staying active will help you stay cheerful.\\nGet moving. Clean your house, do the dishes, fold some laundry, or start exercising. You will feel like you have accomplished something, and this can help you feel more positive.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Do things you enjoy.\", \"描述\": \"It's easier to be cheerful if you are enjoying life. Make sure to take some time, every day, at least once a day, to do something that brings you joy. What this will be will vary for each person, here are some suggestions:\\nPut on your favorite song and have a one-person dance party.\\nGo for a walk in the woods.\\nTreat yourself to a favorite food or drink. Have a cup of your favorite coffee or a piece of pie.\\nYou don't have to plan this or wait for a certain time of the day, just do it when it feels right.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Practice gratitude.\", \"描述\": \"Focus on the things you are grateful for in our life, and express your gratitude to others.\\nLetting others know you are grateful for things they do that make your life better can make you happier, spread cheer, and improve your relationships with other people.\\nYou might also want to consider keeping a gratitude journal, in which you write about the things you are thankful for. Research suggests that this can increase happiness and even improve your physical health.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Get involved with a cause.\", \"描述\": \"This can include going to meetings about a cause in person or simply joining a group online. Getting involved in a social cause can be a great way to build connections with other people. It's also a good way cultivate a passion about something outside of yourself.\\nInvesting your energy in creating change in the world with other people can help you discover new passions. This, in turn, can allow you to be more cheerful in your interactions with others in general.\\nHelp someone who is in need. Not everybody is as fortunate as you are. Try to help them out by donating to charities or running a food drive. Even something simple like complimenting someone or offering a smile can improve the lives of others.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Listen\", \"描述\": \"When people talk to you, be a good listener. Make eye contact and acknowledge their perspectives.\\nListening to others with an open mind is a good way to show you are confident and cheerful. It will make other people feel cared about. In doing so, you might improve how other people are feeling.\\nListening to others can be a good way to get new insights about the world. It also lets you share the happiness other people might be experiencing.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Be open minded.\", \"描述\": \"Don't judge other people. When you meet someone new, try to find something in common with him or her. Try to not to jump to conclusions about people based on their appearances.\\nJudging others can make both you and the other person unhappy.\\nInstead, assume the best about people.\\nAvoid putting people down. Instead, encourage them to rise and accomplish their goals. Display optimism, and cheer people on. Your optimism will become contagious.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Always try to think positively. Look for the upside, even in a negative situation.\\n\", \"Smile. When you feel happy, let others know. Happiness can be contagious.\\n\", \"Say hello to new people, not just the same people every day. Let others know that you're willing to be friends with everyone.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Be careful; sometimes kindness is misunderstood as a come on. Don't come on too strong, especially with members of the opposite sex.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,598 | How to Be Chic | 1. Defining Your Unique Style
1-1. Evaluate your body shape.
Bodies come in lots of different shapes and sizes, and each one is beautifully unique! Though you shouldn't feel like you need to categorize your body, there are a couple of general types that you can use as guidelines while finding clothes that feel and look good. If you want to, consider the following body types, and think about whether you identify with one of them. If you do, you can use this information to help guide you while buying clothes.
If you're pear-shaped, your hips are wider than your shoulders.
If you're apple-shaped, you tend to hold your weight right above your hips.
If you have a wedge-shaped body, you have a broader chest and wider shoulders, while your waist and hips are narrow.
If you're hourglass-shaped, it means your waist and shoulders are similar in width, but you have a slender waist.
If you have a rectangularly shaped body, your upper body tends to be similar in width from your shoulders through your hips. You may be on the slimmer side.
1-2. Pick clothing that complements the shape of your body.
Some people consider certain styles of clothing to be more flattering on certain body types than on others. If you identify with one of the above body types, consider the following recommendations while looking for clothes to add to your wardrobe. However, keep in mind that these are only guidelines for what you might wear– ultimately, it's totally up to you to decide what fits well and makes you feel good!
If you're pear-shaped, go for A-line skirts, as well as pants and skirts that flare out to balance out your lovely proportions. Try out different necklines and decorative accessories, too.
If you're apple-shaped, try wide-leg pants and skirts to balance your shape. In addition, opt for v-necks and belts, which help cut down on volume on top. The empire cut is a great look for you!
If you're wedge-shaped, opt for choices that show off your legs. Also, try full skirts, high-waisted styles, and thick belts.
If you have an hourglass shape, choose fitted dresses, wrap dresses, and belts over shirts, all of which are good for showing off your waist and your curves!
If you have a rectangularly shaped body, try wearing scoop necks and sweetheart tops to emphasize your chest area. In addition, long jackets are great for emphasizing your lean look.
1-3. Come up with your own "uniform."
If you have an idea of what kind of clothing suits you, build your wardrobe around that. For example, if you look really great in long skirts, try to buy a few that you like, and then base your daily outfits on these pieces. Just make sure to get slight variations in colors and styles so you don't look like you're wearing the exact same thing every day.
As another example, your uniform might be jeans and a shirt. You could cycle through jeans and a nice button-down shirt, jeans and a flowy blouse, or jeans and a simple, crisp T-shirt. You could roll up your cuffs or wear flats or heels, but your general uniform will stay mostly the same.
Having a "uniform" doesn't mean that you can't mix it up whenever you feel like it. It just means that you know what works for you and what you like, and you tend to stick to it most of the time.
1-4. Consider having items tailored to you.
While tailoring isn't in everyone's budget, it can be cheaper than you'd expect. Getting an item tailored will help garments fit perfectly, which is ideal for looking chic and put-together. A little tuck here and there can make a garment look like it's made for you!7
Check with your local laundromat, as many of them do simple alterations.
2. Finding Chic Clothing and Accessories
2-1. Opt for clothing that stays in fashion instead of the latest trends.
Keeping up with trends can make you seem fashionable, but you can be chic without shelling out money every season. Choose clothing that doesn't go out of style and that always looks sophisticated, and you won't have to keep buying new clothes! Buying these kinds of pieces will help you create a timeless look that is very chic.
For instance, instead of buying into a current kitschy trend, opt for a leather jacket, a little black dress, or a trench coat, all of which always stay in style.
2-2. Stick to pieces you really like.
When you enter a clothing store, you're likely to see many pieces that you find acceptable, and you may even decide to purchase something just because it fits well. However, to keep your wardrobe under control and to help define your style, only buy pieces that really speak to you. If it doesn't make you happy or excited, leave it behind.
2-3. Look for stylish vintage pieces when you go thrift shopping.
Thrift stores are a great way to find fashionable pieces for cheap. The trick is you have to dig a little. Look for upscale fabrics like silk or cashmere, and opt for older or vintage clothes, which tend to be better made.
If you find a piece you love that has a stain or needs a hem, try taking it to the dry cleaners. While you don't need to wear skin-tight clothing to be chic, clothing that fits well will make you look more chic.
Clothes don't have to be expensive to be chic! However, if you spend a little more on your clothing staples, they do tend to last longer.
2-4. Check out online resale sites for cheaper clothes that are easy to sort.
These sites are basically upscale thrift stores, but they cut out the legwork of visiting stores in person. Plus, you can narrow down your search to just what you're looking for, making it easier to find what you need.
Try Poshmark or ThredUp, for instance.
2-5. Ask older relatives or friends if you can dig through their closets.
Not everyone has fashionable parents, but you may be surprised what hidden gems are tucked away back there. Often, your parents may have forgotten about many items themselves and are happy to pass them on to you. Plus, older clothes tend to be better made!
2-6. Keep comfort in mind when picking your clothes.
You don't have to give up comfort to be chic! Garments like leggings and even silk pajama pants can look chic with the right top and accessories. The key is to pair the look with a bit of glam, such as a long button-down shirt and fancy flats.
Similarly, add layers in winter to keep yourself warm. A large blanket scarf or a long robe coat can look chic and help you stay warm.
3. Putting Outfits Together
3-1. Stick with a 3-color theme for each outfit to keep your look classy.
If you have too many colors in your look, it can be a bit overwhelming. Instead, limit your color choices; in this case, a pattern can count as 1 of your colors, but be sure to match the rest of your outfit to the pattern.
For instance, try using black, gray, and red.
Alternatively, try blue, green, and tan.
If you have a pattern with red and green in it, make sure those are the other colors you choose for your outfit.
White doesn't count as a color, but black does.
3-2. Look to chic celebrities for outfit inspiration.
Check out pictures of celebrities online to see how they put together an outfit! Of course, you probably don't want to copy outfits exactly, but you can put together similar looks based on what your favorite celebrities are wearing.
Try looking for pictures in magazines or just searching for your favorite celebrity online. The British royals are a great example of chic!
3-3. Add long layers for an instantly chic look.
No matter what kind of layers you choose, creating long lines gives your outfit an instant bump. Try a long coat in the fall, for instance, or a breezy, long scarf in the spring. Aim to layer different pieces of clothing that come down below your knees.
You could also layer a simple, long shift over leggings.
3-4. Use belts to pull an outfit together.
Through a belt over longer layers, and you have a great way to show off your waist. You can wear it at your natural waist or up under your chest for more definition. Plus, a belt can add that final touch that takes your outfit from plain to chic, as it can add just a bit of glam.
Alternatively, try a belt with a tucked-in shirt.
3-5. Put on a shoe that accentuates your outfit.
You don't need dramatic high heels that are uncomfortable for every outfit. In fact, flats and low, wide heels can be just as chic. The key is to tie your shoe into your outfit, either with a color or a material. That way, it fits into your overall look.
On the other hand, you can use your shoes to add a pop of color if the rest of your outfit is fairly monotone. For instance, if you're wearing mostly grays and blacks, bright red flats can add interest.
3-6. Add on a few classy accessories.
Try adding a pair of stylish sunglasses, a leather bag, or a fancy watch. You could also try a pair of statement earrings or a glamorous necklace. The key to keeping it chic is to not go overboard– aim for 1-2 statement pieces and leave it at that.
Try to make sure your accessories tie in to the rest of your outfit. For example, if you're wearing a jewel-toned dress, you could wear a cocktail ring or other costume jewelry in a similar color to emphasize the hue of your clothes.
You could also try a fancy tie or cuff links.
Your accessories don't have to be expensive. If you like them, put them on! Just don't go overboard.
3-7. Think about the occasion and style your look accordingly.
You can wear the same short black dress on a Sunday walk or for a night on the town. The key is to pick accessories and layers that make sense for the occasion.
For instance, to style your black dress for a Sunday walk, opt for some comfy boots, a long, loose sweater-shawl, and a fancy pair of sunglasses.
For a night out on the town, opt for low heels, a statement necklace, and a fun little purse.
If you have a favorite sweater, throw a blazer over it for a more formal event or pair it with slim jeans for a less formal event.
4. Acting Chic
4-1. Wear your style with confidence.
Chic is at least in part about being confident in who you are. Once you figure out what your style is, hold your head high and wear it with pride. Confidence goes a long way to take an outfit from just okay to chic.
Stand up straight with your shoulders back. Don't act like you're trying to hide what you're wearing!
4-2. Practice politeness to show you are chic.
Being rude may seem like a way to be aloof, but a truly chic person knows that politeness is always key. Don't forget your "Pleases" and "Thank yous" when you're out and about, and hold the door open for others. Give up your seat when the train is full. These little details will help you seem more chic.
Similarly, practice good manners when you're out to eat with someone. Treat the server with respect, and do your best to practice all those little rules your parents taught you!
4-3. Keep yourself polished to look chic.
A neat and tidy appearance is key to looking chic. It's important to keep your nails clean and groomed, opt for a tidy hairdo, keep your facial hair neatly plucked or trimmed, and avoid wearing stained or ill-fitting clothing.
Also, make sure your shoes always look fresh and polished, not scuffed and in need of a good cleaning!
4-4. Wear your best any time of day.
That is, don't save up your favorite jewelry or clothing for special occasions. Enjoy wearing a fancy piece of jewelry in the middle of the week or putting on that cashmere scarf just because it feels good on a Thursday. Besides making you feel good, it will add class to your day-to-day outfits.
Similarly, don't save that fancy tie for once-a-year occasions. Pull it out just because you feel like looking extra special today!
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:27",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Defining Your Unique Style\\n1-1. Evaluate your body shape.\\nBodies come in lots of different shapes and sizes, and each one is beautifully unique! Though you shouldn't feel like you need to categorize your body, there are a couple of general types that you can use as guidelines while finding clothes that feel and look good. If you want to, consider the following body types, and think about whether you identify with one of them. If you do, you can use this information to help guide you while buying clothes.\\nIf you're pear-shaped, your hips are wider than your shoulders.\\nIf you're apple-shaped, you tend to hold your weight right above your hips.\\nIf you have a wedge-shaped body, you have a broader chest and wider shoulders, while your waist and hips are narrow.\\nIf you're hourglass-shaped, it means your waist and shoulders are similar in width, but you have a slender waist.\\nIf you have a rectangularly shaped body, your upper body tends to be similar in width from your shoulders through your hips. You may be on the slimmer side.\\n1-2. Pick clothing that complements the shape of your body.\\nSome people consider certain styles of clothing to be more flattering on certain body types than on others. If you identify with one of the above body types, consider the following recommendations while looking for clothes to add to your wardrobe. However, keep in mind that these are only guidelines for what you might wear– ultimately, it's totally up to you to decide what fits well and makes you feel good!\\nIf you're pear-shaped, go for A-line skirts, as well as pants and skirts that flare out to balance out your lovely proportions. Try out different necklines and decorative accessories, too.\\nIf you're apple-shaped, try wide-leg pants and skirts to balance your shape. In addition, opt for v-necks and belts, which help cut down on volume on top. The empire cut is a great look for you!\\nIf you're wedge-shaped, opt for choices that show off your legs. Also, try full skirts, high-waisted styles, and thick belts.\\nIf you have an hourglass shape, choose fitted dresses, wrap dresses, and belts over shirts, all of which are good for showing off your waist and your curves!\\nIf you have a rectangularly shaped body, try wearing scoop necks and sweetheart tops to emphasize your chest area. In addition, long jackets are great for emphasizing your lean look.\\n1-3. Come up with your own \\\"uniform.\\\"\\nIf you have an idea of what kind of clothing suits you, build your wardrobe around that. For example, if you look really great in long skirts, try to buy a few that you like, and then base your daily outfits on these pieces. Just make sure to get slight variations in colors and styles so you don't look like you're wearing the exact same thing every day.\\nAs another example, your uniform might be jeans and a shirt. You could cycle through jeans and a nice button-down shirt, jeans and a flowy blouse, or jeans and a simple, crisp T-shirt. You could roll up your cuffs or wear flats or heels, but your general uniform will stay mostly the same.\\nHaving a \\\"uniform\\\" doesn't mean that you can't mix it up whenever you feel like it. It just means that you know what works for you and what you like, and you tend to stick to it most of the time.\\n1-4. Consider having items tailored to you.\\nWhile tailoring isn't in everyone's budget, it can be cheaper than you'd expect. Getting an item tailored will help garments fit perfectly, which is ideal for looking chic and put-together. A little tuck here and there can make a garment look like it's made for you!7\\nCheck with your local laundromat, as many of them do simple alterations.\\n2. Finding Chic Clothing and Accessories\\n2-1. Opt for clothing that stays in fashion instead of the latest trends.\\nKeeping up with trends can make you seem fashionable, but you can be chic without shelling out money every season. Choose clothing that doesn't go out of style and that always looks sophisticated, and you won't have to keep buying new clothes! Buying these kinds of pieces will help you create a timeless look that is very chic.\\nFor instance, instead of buying into a current kitschy trend, opt for a leather jacket, a little black dress, or a trench coat, all of which always stay in style.\\n2-2. Stick to pieces you really like.\\nWhen you enter a clothing store, you're likely to see many pieces that you find acceptable, and you may even decide to purchase something just because it fits well. However, to keep your wardrobe under control and to help define your style, only buy pieces that really speak to you. If it doesn't make you happy or excited, leave it behind.\\n2-3. Look for stylish vintage pieces when you go thrift shopping.\\nThrift stores are a great way to find fashionable pieces for cheap. The trick is you have to dig a little. Look for upscale fabrics like silk or cashmere, and opt for older or vintage clothes, which tend to be better made.\\nIf you find a piece you love that has a stain or needs a hem, try taking it to the dry cleaners. While you don't need to wear skin-tight clothing to be chic, clothing that fits well will make you look more chic.\\nClothes don't have to be expensive to be chic! However, if you spend a little more on your clothing staples, they do tend to last longer.\\n2-4. Check out online resale sites for cheaper clothes that are easy to sort.\\nThese sites are basically upscale thrift stores, but they cut out the legwork of visiting stores in person. Plus, you can narrow down your search to just what you're looking for, making it easier to find what you need.\\nTry Poshmark or ThredUp, for instance.\\n2-5. Ask older relatives or friends if you can dig through their closets.\\nNot everyone has fashionable parents, but you may be surprised what hidden gems are tucked away back there. Often, your parents may have forgotten about many items themselves and are happy to pass them on to you. Plus, older clothes tend to be better made!\\n2-6. Keep comfort in mind when picking your clothes.\\nYou don't have to give up comfort to be chic! Garments like leggings and even silk pajama pants can look chic with the right top and accessories. The key is to pair the look with a bit of glam, such as a long button-down shirt and fancy flats.\\nSimilarly, add layers in winter to keep yourself warm. A large blanket scarf or a long robe coat can look chic and help you stay warm.\\n3. Putting Outfits Together\\n3-1. Stick with a 3-color theme for each outfit to keep your look classy.\\nIf you have too many colors in your look, it can be a bit overwhelming. Instead, limit your color choices; in this case, a pattern can count as 1 of your colors, but be sure to match the rest of your outfit to the pattern.\\nFor instance, try using black, gray, and red.\\nAlternatively, try blue, green, and tan.\\nIf you have a pattern with red and green in it, make sure those are the other colors you choose for your outfit.\\nWhite doesn't count as a color, but black does.\\n3-2. Look to chic celebrities for outfit inspiration.\\nCheck out pictures of celebrities online to see how they put together an outfit! Of course, you probably don't want to copy outfits exactly, but you can put together similar looks based on what your favorite celebrities are wearing.\\nTry looking for pictures in magazines or just searching for your favorite celebrity online. The British royals are a great example of chic!\\n3-3. Add long layers for an instantly chic look.\\nNo matter what kind of layers you choose, creating long lines gives your outfit an instant bump. Try a long coat in the fall, for instance, or a breezy, long scarf in the spring. Aim to layer different pieces of clothing that come down below your knees.\\nYou could also layer a simple, long shift over leggings.\\n3-4. Use belts to pull an outfit together.\\nThrough a belt over longer layers, and you have a great way to show off your waist. You can wear it at your natural waist or up under your chest for more definition. Plus, a belt can add that final touch that takes your outfit from plain to chic, as it can add just a bit of glam.\\nAlternatively, try a belt with a tucked-in shirt.\\n3-5. Put on a shoe that accentuates your outfit.\\nYou don't need dramatic high heels that are uncomfortable for every outfit. In fact, flats and low, wide heels can be just as chic. The key is to tie your shoe into your outfit, either with a color or a material. That way, it fits into your overall look.\\nOn the other hand, you can use your shoes to add a pop of color if the rest of your outfit is fairly monotone. For instance, if you're wearing mostly grays and blacks, bright red flats can add interest.\\n3-6. Add on a few classy accessories.\\nTry adding a pair of stylish sunglasses, a leather bag, or a fancy watch. You could also try a pair of statement earrings or a glamorous necklace. The key to keeping it chic is to not go overboard– aim for 1-2 statement pieces and leave it at that.\\nTry to make sure your accessories tie in to the rest of your outfit. For example, if you're wearing a jewel-toned dress, you could wear a cocktail ring or other costume jewelry in a similar color to emphasize the hue of your clothes.\\nYou could also try a fancy tie or cuff links.\\nYour accessories don't have to be expensive. If you like them, put them on! Just don't go overboard.\\n3-7. Think about the occasion and style your look accordingly.\\nYou can wear the same short black dress on a Sunday walk or for a night on the town. The key is to pick accessories and layers that make sense for the occasion.\\nFor instance, to style your black dress for a Sunday walk, opt for some comfy boots, a long, loose sweater-shawl, and a fancy pair of sunglasses.\\nFor a night out on the town, opt for low heels, a statement necklace, and a fun little purse.\\nIf you have a favorite sweater, throw a blazer over it for a more formal event or pair it with slim jeans for a less formal event.\\n4. Acting Chic\\n4-1. Wear your style with confidence.\\nChic is at least in part about being confident in who you are. Once you figure out what your style is, hold your head high and wear it with pride. Confidence goes a long way to take an outfit from just okay to chic.\\nStand up straight with your shoulders back. Don't act like you're trying to hide what you're wearing!\\n4-2. Practice politeness to show you are chic.\\nBeing rude may seem like a way to be aloof, but a truly chic person knows that politeness is always key. Don't forget your \\\"Pleases\\\" and \\\"Thank yous\\\" when you're out and about, and hold the door open for others. Give up your seat when the train is full. These little details will help you seem more chic.\\nSimilarly, practice good manners when you're out to eat with someone. Treat the server with respect, and do your best to practice all those little rules your parents taught you!\\n4-3. Keep yourself polished to look chic.\\nA neat and tidy appearance is key to looking chic. It's important to keep your nails clean and groomed, opt for a tidy hairdo, keep your facial hair neatly plucked or trimmed, and avoid wearing stained or ill-fitting clothing.\\nAlso, make sure your shoes always look fresh and polished, not scuffed and in need of a good cleaning!\\n4-4. Wear your best any time of day.\\nThat is, don't save up your favorite jewelry or clothing for special occasions. Enjoy wearing a fancy piece of jewelry in the middle of the week or putting on that cashmere scarf just because it feels good on a Thursday. Besides making you feel good, it will add class to your day-to-day outfits.\\nSimilarly, don't save that fancy tie for once-a-year occasions. Pull it out just because you feel like looking extra special today!\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being chic is as much about attitude and developing your own style as it is about being trendy. In fact, being chic often means picking sophisticated clothing that never goes out of fashion, rather than keeping up with the latest trends. Define your style, then find comfortable clothing that fits into your personal aesthetic. Once you have a couple of timeless, well-fitting pieces, work on putting together the best outfits you can to be truly chic.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Defining Your Unique Style\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Evaluate your body shape.\", \"描述\": \"Bodies come in lots of different shapes and sizes, and each one is beautifully unique! Though you shouldn't feel like you need to categorize your body, there are a couple of general types that you can use as guidelines while finding clothes that feel and look good. If you want to, consider the following body types, and think about whether you identify with one of them. If you do, you can use this information to help guide you while buying clothes.\\nIf you're pear-shaped, your hips are wider than your shoulders.\\nIf you're apple-shaped, you tend to hold your weight right above your hips.\\nIf you have a wedge-shaped body, you have a broader chest and wider shoulders, while your waist and hips are narrow.\\nIf you're hourglass-shaped, it means your waist and shoulders are similar in width, but you have a slender waist.\\nIf you have a rectangularly shaped body, your upper body tends to be similar in width from your shoulders through your hips. You may be on the slimmer side.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Pick clothing that complements the shape of your body.\", \"描述\": \"Some people consider certain styles of clothing to be more flattering on certain body types than on others. If you identify with one of the above body types, consider the following recommendations while looking for clothes to add to your wardrobe. However, keep in mind that these are only guidelines for what you might wear– ultimately, it's totally up to you to decide what fits well and makes you feel good!\\nIf you're pear-shaped, go for A-line skirts, as well as pants and skirts that flare out to balance out your lovely proportions. Try out different necklines and decorative accessories, too.\\nIf you're apple-shaped, try wide-leg pants and skirts to balance your shape. In addition, opt for v-necks and belts, which help cut down on volume on top. The empire cut is a great look for you!\\nIf you're wedge-shaped, opt for choices that show off your legs. Also, try full skirts, high-waisted styles, and thick belts.\\nIf you have an hourglass shape, choose fitted dresses, wrap dresses, and belts over shirts, all of which are good for showing off your waist and your curves!\\nIf you have a rectangularly shaped body, try wearing scoop necks and sweetheart tops to emphasize your chest area. In addition, long jackets are great for emphasizing your lean look.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Come up with your own \\\"uniform.\\\"\", \"描述\": \"If you have an idea of what kind of clothing suits you, build your wardrobe around that. For example, if you look really great in long skirts, try to buy a few that you like, and then base your daily outfits on these pieces. Just make sure to get slight variations in colors and styles so you don't look like you're wearing the exact same thing every day.\\nAs another example, your uniform might be jeans and a shirt. You could cycle through jeans and a nice button-down shirt, jeans and a flowy blouse, or jeans and a simple, crisp T-shirt. You could roll up your cuffs or wear flats or heels, but your general uniform will stay mostly the same.\\nHaving a \\\"uniform\\\" doesn't mean that you can't mix it up whenever you feel like it. It just means that you know what works for you and what you like, and you tend to stick to it most of the time.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Consider having items tailored to you.\", \"描述\": \"While tailoring isn't in everyone's budget, it can be cheaper than you'd expect. Getting an item tailored will help garments fit perfectly, which is ideal for looking chic and put-together. A little tuck here and there can make a garment look like it's made for you!7\\nCheck with your local laundromat, as many of them do simple alterations.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Finding Chic Clothing and Accessories\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Opt for clothing that stays in fashion instead of the latest trends.\", \"描述\": \"Keeping up with trends can make you seem fashionable, but you can be chic without shelling out money every season. Choose clothing that doesn't go out of style and that always looks sophisticated, and you won't have to keep buying new clothes! Buying these kinds of pieces will help you create a timeless look that is very chic.\\nFor instance, instead of buying into a current kitschy trend, opt for a leather jacket, a little black dress, or a trench coat, all of which always stay in style.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Stick to pieces you really like.\", \"描述\": \"When you enter a clothing store, you're likely to see many pieces that you find acceptable, and you may even decide to purchase something just because it fits well. However, to keep your wardrobe under control and to help define your style, only buy pieces that really speak to you. If it doesn't make you happy or excited, leave it behind.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Look for stylish vintage pieces when you go thrift shopping.\", \"描述\": \"Thrift stores are a great way to find fashionable pieces for cheap. The trick is you have to dig a little. Look for upscale fabrics like silk or cashmere, and opt for older or vintage clothes, which tend to be better made.\\nIf you find a piece you love that has a stain or needs a hem, try taking it to the dry cleaners. While you don't need to wear skin-tight clothing to be chic, clothing that fits well will make you look more chic.\\nClothes don't have to be expensive to be chic! However, if you spend a little more on your clothing staples, they do tend to last longer.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Check out online resale sites for cheaper clothes that are easy to sort.\", \"描述\": \"These sites are basically upscale thrift stores, but they cut out the legwork of visiting stores in person. Plus, you can narrow down your search to just what you're looking for, making it easier to find what you need.\\nTry Poshmark or ThredUp, for instance.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Ask older relatives or friends if you can dig through their closets.\", \"描述\": \"Not everyone has fashionable parents, but you may be surprised what hidden gems are tucked away back there. Often, your parents may have forgotten about many items themselves and are happy to pass them on to you. Plus, older clothes tend to be better made!\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Keep comfort in mind when picking your clothes.\", \"描述\": \"You don't have to give up comfort to be chic! Garments like leggings and even silk pajama pants can look chic with the right top and accessories. The key is to pair the look with a bit of glam, such as a long button-down shirt and fancy flats.\\nSimilarly, add layers in winter to keep yourself warm. A large blanket scarf or a long robe coat can look chic and help you stay warm.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Putting Outfits Together\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Stick with a 3-color theme for each outfit to keep your look classy.\", \"描述\": \"If you have too many colors in your look, it can be a bit overwhelming. Instead, limit your color choices; in this case, a pattern can count as 1 of your colors, but be sure to match the rest of your outfit to the pattern.\\nFor instance, try using black, gray, and red.\\nAlternatively, try blue, green, and tan.\\nIf you have a pattern with red and green in it, make sure those are the other colors you choose for your outfit.\\nWhite doesn't count as a color, but black does.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Look to chic celebrities for outfit inspiration.\", \"描述\": \"Check out pictures of celebrities online to see how they put together an outfit! Of course, you probably don't want to copy outfits exactly, but you can put together similar looks based on what your favorite celebrities are wearing.\\nTry looking for pictures in magazines or just searching for your favorite celebrity online. The British royals are a great example of chic!\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Add long layers for an instantly chic look.\", \"描述\": \"No matter what kind of layers you choose, creating long lines gives your outfit an instant bump. Try a long coat in the fall, for instance, or a breezy, long scarf in the spring. Aim to layer different pieces of clothing that come down below your knees.\\nYou could also layer a simple, long shift over leggings.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Use belts to pull an outfit together.\", \"描述\": \"Through a belt over longer layers, and you have a great way to show off your waist. You can wear it at your natural waist or up under your chest for more definition. Plus, a belt can add that final touch that takes your outfit from plain to chic, as it can add just a bit of glam.\\nAlternatively, try a belt with a tucked-in shirt.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Put on a shoe that accentuates your outfit.\", \"描述\": \"You don't need dramatic high heels that are uncomfortable for every outfit. In fact, flats and low, wide heels can be just as chic. The key is to tie your shoe into your outfit, either with a color or a material. That way, it fits into your overall look.\\nOn the other hand, you can use your shoes to add a pop of color if the rest of your outfit is fairly monotone. For instance, if you're wearing mostly grays and blacks, bright red flats can add interest.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Add on a few classy accessories.\", \"描述\": \"Try adding a pair of stylish sunglasses, a leather bag, or a fancy watch. You could also try a pair of statement earrings or a glamorous necklace. The key to keeping it chic is to not go overboard– aim for 1-2 statement pieces and leave it at that.\\nTry to make sure your accessories tie in to the rest of your outfit. For example, if you're wearing a jewel-toned dress, you could wear a cocktail ring or other costume jewelry in a similar color to emphasize the hue of your clothes.\\nYou could also try a fancy tie or cuff links.\\nYour accessories don't have to be expensive. If you like them, put them on! Just don't go overboard.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Think about the occasion and style your look accordingly.\", \"描述\": \"You can wear the same short black dress on a Sunday walk or for a night on the town. The key is to pick accessories and layers that make sense for the occasion.\\nFor instance, to style your black dress for a Sunday walk, opt for some comfy boots, a long, loose sweater-shawl, and a fancy pair of sunglasses.\\nFor a night out on the town, opt for low heels, a statement necklace, and a fun little purse.\\nIf you have a favorite sweater, throw a blazer over it for a more formal event or pair it with slim jeans for a less formal event.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Acting Chic\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Wear your style with confidence.\", \"描述\": \"Chic is at least in part about being confident in who you are. Once you figure out what your style is, hold your head high and wear it with pride. Confidence goes a long way to take an outfit from just okay to chic.\\nStand up straight with your shoulders back. Don't act like you're trying to hide what you're wearing!\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Practice politeness to show you are chic.\", \"描述\": \"Being rude may seem like a way to be aloof, but a truly chic person knows that politeness is always key. Don't forget your \\\"Pleases\\\" and \\\"Thank yous\\\" when you're out and about, and hold the door open for others. Give up your seat when the train is full. These little details will help you seem more chic.\\nSimilarly, practice good manners when you're out to eat with someone. Treat the server with respect, and do your best to practice all those little rules your parents taught you!\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Keep yourself polished to look chic.\", \"描述\": \"A neat and tidy appearance is key to looking chic. It's important to keep your nails clean and groomed, opt for a tidy hairdo, keep your facial hair neatly plucked or trimmed, and avoid wearing stained or ill-fitting clothing.\\nAlso, make sure your shoes always look fresh and polished, not scuffed and in need of a good cleaning!\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Wear your best any time of day.\", \"描述\": \"That is, don't save up your favorite jewelry or clothing for special occasions. Enjoy wearing a fancy piece of jewelry in the middle of the week or putting on that cashmere scarf just because it feels good on a Thursday. Besides making you feel good, it will add class to your day-to-day outfits.\\nSimilarly, don't save that fancy tie for once-a-year occasions. Pull it out just because you feel like looking extra special today!\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,599 | How to Be Childlike | 1. Living Life in a Playful Way
1-1. Interact with children for inspiration.
Play with a child who is close with you and observe how they view the world. Children are full of awe, innocence, and inspiration, and understanding the way they see the world will bring you closer to the childlike nature in yourself.
If there are children in your family, play games with them and watch how they live in the moment.
1-2. Ask children questions and observe their answers.
Children are confident in themselves and often unashamed at their own limited knowledge. Adopt this confidence into your own life by forgoing embarrassment.
1-3. Learn something new every day.
Try reading a new book, or spontaneously visit a museum. If you allow yourself to invest your time in learning new things, your childlike wonder will return, fostering curiosity and passion in new things.
Use the internet to learn how something works, or look at images of a place you’ve always wanted to visit.
1-4. Learn how to play again.
The first way to abandon stress, regret, or sadness is to find new ways to live a playful life. By observing how children play and adapting their carefree attitude toward everyday objects and interactions, you will have more fun and feel more innocent throughout your day.
1-5. Express yourself honestly.
Something children possess is a lack of embarrassment or shame. They express themselves honestly and openly. To try to do the same, change the way you normally dress or get a new haircut, allowing yourself to be playful in your self-expression.
1-6. Don’t take things too seriously.
Although some things in life need to be addressed with seriousness, there are plenty of things that people take too seriously. Work on being more easygoing and mellow by letting the small things go and enabling yourself to let go of stressful thoughts when you can. Imagine how a child would react to the small things that typical bother you and adapt a carefree way of viewing them.
1-7. Let yourself laugh at silly things.
Laughing is a great way to feel light and happy, and it is something children do often. Find a few things that make you laugh every day and enjoy them.
Try watching family-friendly movies and television shows and reading works of children's literature. Comedy movies and television shows, and stand-up comics are also acceptable.
1-8. Bring creativity into your everyday life.
Something you tend to lose as you grow older is your ability to ditch your self-awareness and be creative, even in the most mundane of situations. While cooking, don’t worry about making a mess. Cook exactly what you want and don’t worry about the mess until afterward. Decide to take up painting, writing, or dancing, even if you don’t think you will be good at it.
Creativity will bring back the wonder and curiosity that you may envy in childlike behavior.
Allowing yourself to be creative will bring fresh, inspiring, and new ideas into your life, which could benefit everything from your cooking skills to your career.
2. Being Kind and Sharing with Others
2-1. Share with the people around you.
One of the things children learn first in grade school is how to share. Share your thoughts, feelings, dreams, and love with the people in your life. Expressing yourself honestly and openly will make you feel lighter and innocent.
Try sharing physical objects, too, like money, food, or clothing with someone in need.
Sharing with other people will allow you to feel connected to them and will broaden your worldview, taking your mind off yourself and spending time thinking of others.
Another thing children learn early on is the importance of being polite and respectful. Say "please", "thank you", "excuse me", and "I'm sorry" whenever you need to apologize to someone.
2-2. Forgive as a child forgives.
Children can be fighting one moment, and then completely forget about the fight the next, becoming friends again. Bring your easygoing manner back and forgive people whenever possible. Try to see people’s honest, true, childlike intentions and let go of your grudges.
Focus on people’s good intentions, rather than being blinded by their bad intentions.
People are rarely treating you badly on purpose, and understanding where someone’s anger or sadness is stemming from will help you forgive and understand them.
2-3. Let go of your preconceived ideas of others.
Children don’t have any preconceived notions toward or about anyone, and welcome new people into their lives with open arms. When meeting new people, shed your prejudices and preconceived ideas about them, taking them as they are. This will open up new, exciting worlds for you to explore.
Introduce yourself to someone new everyday and ask new people about their lives.
Invite someone new to lunch and introduce your new friends to your old friends.
2-4. Experience the beauty in life with someone you love.
Too often, it is easy for you to go through life without sharing something beautiful with someone you love. Ask a loved one to go on a walk with you, or to explore a new environment. Connect through the beautiful things you see together and share with honesty. These interactions will bring you closer together and make your relationship stronger.
3. Feeling at Ease with Yourself
3-1. Be present in everything you do.
Even if you are not engaging in some childlike behavior, whether it be at work or in traffic, exercise your ability to be present. Children are never looking toward the future or looking back at the past. Allow yourself to feel your true feelings, crying or laughing whenever necessary.
Being present will allow you to lose unnecessary inhibitions and allow yourself to make new discoveries.
3-2. Let yourself change.
Children live life with a clean slate and are easily impressionable, changing with every new experience. Allow yourself to make changes in your life, following your passions and what you love to do. These changes can be as simple as painting a room a color that makes you happy to moving to the city of your dreams.
Children aren’t burdened by ideas of can and cannot, so greet each new experience with open arms and allow yourself to be impacted by them.
Discover what makes you truly happy and follow it. It is easy to feel caged in by the decisions they’ve made in the past, but children live each day like it is a fresh start.
3-3. Explore the world innocently.
Escape your day by taking long walks and seeing the world in a new light. By going to new places and being open to new experiences, you will channel your inner child and allow yourself to be at peace. Try to see the world through a child’s eyes, stopping now and again to look at the clouds above you or to feel the wind sweeping by.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:27",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Living Life in a Playful Way\\n1-1. Interact with children for inspiration.\\nPlay with a child who is close with you and observe how they view the world. Children are full of awe, innocence, and inspiration, and understanding the way they see the world will bring you closer to the childlike nature in yourself.\\nIf there are children in your family, play games with them and watch how they live in the moment.\\n1-2. Ask children questions and observe their answers.\\nChildren are confident in themselves and often unashamed at their own limited knowledge. Adopt this confidence into your own life by forgoing embarrassment.\\n1-3. Learn something new every day.\\nTry reading a new book, or spontaneously visit a museum. If you allow yourself to invest your time in learning new things, your childlike wonder will return, fostering curiosity and passion in new things.\\nUse the internet to learn how something works, or look at images of a place you’ve always wanted to visit.\\n1-4. Learn how to play again.\\nThe first way to abandon stress, regret, or sadness is to find new ways to live a playful life. By observing how children play and adapting their carefree attitude toward everyday objects and interactions, you will have more fun and feel more innocent throughout your day.\\n1-5. Express yourself honestly.\\nSomething children possess is a lack of embarrassment or shame. They express themselves honestly and openly. To try to do the same, change the way you normally dress or get a new haircut, allowing yourself to be playful in your self-expression.\\n1-6. Don’t take things too seriously.\\nAlthough some things in life need to be addressed with seriousness, there are plenty of things that people take too seriously. Work on being more easygoing and mellow by letting the small things go and enabling yourself to let go of stressful thoughts when you can. Imagine how a child would react to the small things that typical bother you and adapt a carefree way of viewing them.\\n1-7. Let yourself laugh at silly things.\\nLaughing is a great way to feel light and happy, and it is something children do often. Find a few things that make you laugh every day and enjoy them. \\nTry watching family-friendly movies and television shows and reading works of children's literature. Comedy movies and television shows, and stand-up comics are also acceptable.\\n1-8. Bring creativity into your everyday life.\\nSomething you tend to lose as you grow older is your ability to ditch your self-awareness and be creative, even in the most mundane of situations. While cooking, don’t worry about making a mess. Cook exactly what you want and don’t worry about the mess until afterward. Decide to take up painting, writing, or dancing, even if you don’t think you will be good at it.\\nCreativity will bring back the wonder and curiosity that you may envy in childlike behavior.\\nAllowing yourself to be creative will bring fresh, inspiring, and new ideas into your life, which could benefit everything from your cooking skills to your career.\\n2. Being Kind and Sharing with Others\\n2-1. Share with the people around you.\\nOne of the things children learn first in grade school is how to share. Share your thoughts, feelings, dreams, and love with the people in your life. Expressing yourself honestly and openly will make you feel lighter and innocent.\\nTry sharing physical objects, too, like money, food, or clothing with someone in need.\\nSharing with other people will allow you to feel connected to them and will broaden your worldview, taking your mind off yourself and spending time thinking of others.\\nAnother thing children learn early on is the importance of being polite and respectful. Say \\\"please\\\", \\\"thank you\\\", \\\"excuse me\\\", and \\\"I'm sorry\\\" whenever you need to apologize to someone.\\n2-2. Forgive as a child forgives.\\nChildren can be fighting one moment, and then completely forget about the fight the next, becoming friends again. Bring your easygoing manner back and forgive people whenever possible. Try to see people’s honest, true, childlike intentions and let go of your grudges.\\nFocus on people’s good intentions, rather than being blinded by their bad intentions.\\nPeople are rarely treating you badly on purpose, and understanding where someone’s anger or sadness is stemming from will help you forgive and understand them.\\n2-3. Let go of your preconceived ideas of others.\\nChildren don’t have any preconceived notions toward or about anyone, and welcome new people into their lives with open arms. When meeting new people, shed your prejudices and preconceived ideas about them, taking them as they are. This will open up new, exciting worlds for you to explore.\\nIntroduce yourself to someone new everyday and ask new people about their lives.\\nInvite someone new to lunch and introduce your new friends to your old friends.\\n2-4. Experience the beauty in life with someone you love.\\nToo often, it is easy for you to go through life without sharing something beautiful with someone you love. Ask a loved one to go on a walk with you, or to explore a new environment. Connect through the beautiful things you see together and share with honesty. These interactions will bring you closer together and make your relationship stronger.\\n3. Feeling at Ease with Yourself\\n3-1. Be present in everything you do.\\nEven if you are not engaging in some childlike behavior, whether it be at work or in traffic, exercise your ability to be present. Children are never looking toward the future or looking back at the past. Allow yourself to feel your true feelings, crying or laughing whenever necessary.\\nBeing present will allow you to lose unnecessary inhibitions and allow yourself to make new discoveries.\\n3-2. Let yourself change.\\nChildren live life with a clean slate and are easily impressionable, changing with every new experience. Allow yourself to make changes in your life, following your passions and what you love to do. These changes can be as simple as painting a room a color that makes you happy to moving to the city of your dreams.\\nChildren aren’t burdened by ideas of can and cannot, so greet each new experience with open arms and allow yourself to be impacted by them.\\nDiscover what makes you truly happy and follow it. It is easy to feel caged in by the decisions they’ve made in the past, but children live each day like it is a fresh start.\\n3-3. Explore the world innocently.\\nEscape your day by taking long walks and seeing the world in a new light. By going to new places and being open to new experiences, you will channel your inner child and allow yourself to be at peace. Try to see the world through a child’s eyes, stopping now and again to look at the clouds above you or to feel the wind sweeping by.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"In order to take a break from your life, channelling a childlike outlook can be a joyful, exhilarating experience. By observing the innocence of children you can regain the best qualities of your childhood, having positive interactions and rerouting the way you live you life, making things more simple, lighter, and more enjoyable.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Living Life in a Playful Way\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Interact with children for inspiration.\", \"描述\": \"Play with a child who is close with you and observe how they view the world. Children are full of awe, innocence, and inspiration, and understanding the way they see the world will bring you closer to the childlike nature in yourself.\\nIf there are children in your family, play games with them and watch how they live in the moment.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Ask children questions and observe their answers.\", \"描述\": \"Children are confident in themselves and often unashamed at their own limited knowledge. Adopt this confidence into your own life by forgoing embarrassment.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Learn something new every day.\", \"描述\": \"Try reading a new book, or spontaneously visit a museum. If you allow yourself to invest your time in learning new things, your childlike wonder will return, fostering curiosity and passion in new things.\\nUse the internet to learn how something works, or look at images of a place you’ve always wanted to visit.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Learn how to play again.\", \"描述\": \"The first way to abandon stress, regret, or sadness is to find new ways to live a playful life. By observing how children play and adapting their carefree attitude toward everyday objects and interactions, you will have more fun and feel more innocent throughout your day.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Express yourself honestly.\", \"描述\": \"Something children possess is a lack of embarrassment or shame. They express themselves honestly and openly. To try to do the same, change the way you normally dress or get a new haircut, allowing yourself to be playful in your self-expression.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Don’t take things too seriously.\", \"描述\": \"Although some things in life need to be addressed with seriousness, there are plenty of things that people take too seriously. Work on being more easygoing and mellow by letting the small things go and enabling yourself to let go of stressful thoughts when you can. Imagine how a child would react to the small things that typical bother you and adapt a carefree way of viewing them.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Let yourself laugh at silly things.\", \"描述\": \"Laughing is a great way to feel light and happy, and it is something children do often. Find a few things that make you laugh every day and enjoy them. \\nTry watching family-friendly movies and television shows and reading works of children's literature. Comedy movies and television shows, and stand-up comics are also acceptable.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Bring creativity into your everyday life.\", \"描述\": \"Something you tend to lose as you grow older is your ability to ditch your self-awareness and be creative, even in the most mundane of situations. While cooking, don’t worry about making a mess. Cook exactly what you want and don’t worry about the mess until afterward. Decide to take up painting, writing, or dancing, even if you don’t think you will be good at it.\\nCreativity will bring back the wonder and curiosity that you may envy in childlike behavior.\\nAllowing yourself to be creative will bring fresh, inspiring, and new ideas into your life, which could benefit everything from your cooking skills to your career.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being Kind and Sharing with Others\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Share with the people around you.\", \"描述\": \"One of the things children learn first in grade school is how to share. Share your thoughts, feelings, dreams, and love with the people in your life. Expressing yourself honestly and openly will make you feel lighter and innocent.\\nTry sharing physical objects, too, like money, food, or clothing with someone in need.\\nSharing with other people will allow you to feel connected to them and will broaden your worldview, taking your mind off yourself and spending time thinking of others.\\nAnother thing children learn early on is the importance of being polite and respectful. Say \\\"please\\\", \\\"thank you\\\", \\\"excuse me\\\", and \\\"I'm sorry\\\" whenever you need to apologize to someone.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Forgive as a child forgives.\", \"描述\": \"Children can be fighting one moment, and then completely forget about the fight the next, becoming friends again. Bring your easygoing manner back and forgive people whenever possible. Try to see people’s honest, true, childlike intentions and let go of your grudges.\\nFocus on people’s good intentions, rather than being blinded by their bad intentions.\\nPeople are rarely treating you badly on purpose, and understanding where someone’s anger or sadness is stemming from will help you forgive and understand them.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Let go of your preconceived ideas of others.\", \"描述\": \"Children don’t have any preconceived notions toward or about anyone, and welcome new people into their lives with open arms. When meeting new people, shed your prejudices and preconceived ideas about them, taking them as they are. This will open up new, exciting worlds for you to explore.\\nIntroduce yourself to someone new everyday and ask new people about their lives.\\nInvite someone new to lunch and introduce your new friends to your old friends.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Experience the beauty in life with someone you love.\", \"描述\": \"Too often, it is easy for you to go through life without sharing something beautiful with someone you love. Ask a loved one to go on a walk with you, or to explore a new environment. Connect through the beautiful things you see together and share with honesty. These interactions will bring you closer together and make your relationship stronger.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Feeling at Ease with Yourself\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be present in everything you do.\", \"描述\": \"Even if you are not engaging in some childlike behavior, whether it be at work or in traffic, exercise your ability to be present. Children are never looking toward the future or looking back at the past. Allow yourself to feel your true feelings, crying or laughing whenever necessary.\\nBeing present will allow you to lose unnecessary inhibitions and allow yourself to make new discoveries.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Let yourself change.\", \"描述\": \"Children live life with a clean slate and are easily impressionable, changing with every new experience. Allow yourself to make changes in your life, following your passions and what you love to do. These changes can be as simple as painting a room a color that makes you happy to moving to the city of your dreams.\\nChildren aren’t burdened by ideas of can and cannot, so greet each new experience with open arms and allow yourself to be impacted by them.\\nDiscover what makes you truly happy and follow it. It is easy to feel caged in by the decisions they’ve made in the past, but children live each day like it is a fresh start.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Explore the world innocently.\", \"描述\": \"Escape your day by taking long walks and seeing the world in a new light. By going to new places and being open to new experiences, you will channel your inner child and allow yourself to be at peace. Try to see the world through a child’s eyes, stopping now and again to look at the clouds above you or to feel the wind sweeping by.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,600 | How to Be Chill | 1. Being Chill Socially
1-1. Avoid drama.
Do your own thing, and let others do theirs. If they're not hurting anyone, what's the problem? Chill people don't look for reasons or opportunities to hate on others just for being different. There's no reason to bully or tread on other people's territory. Try to be happy with yourself and encourage self-love in others, too and remember be yourself.
1-2. Maintain a mellow attitude.
Unless someone is rude to you, your day should go by smoothly by being polite, considerate, and nice. Chill people don't antagonize for the sake of it or stir up a bunch of negative emotions by being jerks; chill people are generally kind and get along well with others. However, try to avoid going overboard so you don't become a people-pleaser or pushover.
1-3. Don't sweat the small stuff.
Take your life in stride. Roll with the punches and be accepting of the little things life throws your way, reserving your passion for what matters to you most. This is pretty much the defining feature of a chill person.
1-4. Be fun to hang out with.
Don't be someone who is really boring and afraid to try new things. Go out and do stuff you consider fun and be someone that other people want to spend time with. Talk with people, go see movies, play games, go on hikes or go camping: it's all good!
1-5. Make and follow your own trends.
Be unique. A chill person doesn't feel the need to follow all the trends set by others, they just do what they want and what makes them happy. This laid back attitude inspires others to be more laid back and people will want to be around you more often.
2. Being Chill in the Moment
2-1. Pick your battles.
Some things in life are bound to upset or anger you, and while it's okay to have those feelings, it's best not to nosedive into every argument that presents itself. Stop, take a deep breath, and decide whether an unpleasant situation is worth getting into. Catch yourself before you get stuck in a pointless argument or a big scene. From here, you can redirect the situation to be in your favor.
2-2. Redirect your thoughts.
Distract yourself from your immediate feelings by redirecting your thoughts. There are lots of ways you can do this. You can count your breaths. You can even sing a song (inside your head is probably better than out loud).
2-3. Chew some gum.
Studies have shown that we can reduce a significant amount of stress by chewing gum. Pop a stick of that winter fresh if you’re just not feeling calm in the moment.
2-4. Evaluate how much this matters.
Think about how much your problem matters in the grand scheme of things. Will it still affect you a year from now? Does it even help to be so hard on yourself? If you made it out alive, chances are you’ll find a way to get through it and move on to more happiness and hardships.
2-5. Do what your grandma would do.
By the time we’re much older, we usually don’t get so worried when things don’t go our way, because we get used to it. Think of how your grandma would react in a situation and do that. She’d probably say something funny and then move on to the next thing, which is really the best thing to do if you want to stay sane.
2-6. Go somewhere else.
If you just can’t handle the situation, take yourself out of it. No reason to stick around if you’re going to lose your cool and make some mistakes. Remove yourself from the room for a few minutes and then try again once you’ve managed to work through the initial anger or fear (or whatever you’re feeling).
3. Getting a Chill Attitude
3-1. Stay away from toxic people and situations.
Avoiding such things is the best way to be chill in life. Just say no to all the bullies, liars, and trash-talkers. You don’t need that in your life! Cut toxic people out of your life and don’t go around causing trouble yourself.
3-2. Get proactive.
There's a difference between being chill and being passive. Instead of sitting around thinking your problems could be worse, always try to make things better for yourself. It'll be a lot easier to be genuinely laid-back when you're satisfied with your life as opposed to settling for less.
3-3. Be confident.
When you have lots of self confidence and comfort with who you are, you will have a much easier time being chill. You will know that it’s okay if you make a mistake, that it doesn’t make you worthless or something like that. You will know you can handle whatever crazy life manages to throw at you.
3-4. Find enjoyment in life.
Do things in life that make you happy. Don’t do things that stress you out just to accommodate others and not yourself. Doing things that make you happy will make you more calm and relaxed, helping you deal with all your problems in a better way.
3-5. Ignore ignorant opinions.
Not caring what others think will make many situations in your life less stressful, like arguments and rumors.
3-6. Keep a sense of humor.
You’ve got to laugh about stuff in life, especially the stuff that doesn’t go your way, or you’re going to spend life grumpy and stressed out. When someone is a jerk to you, relieve your anger through humor. Just laugh at them because they are clearly very boring and miserable.
4. Calming Down
4-1. Don’t procrastinate.
Always be quick about getting things done instead of procrastinating and leaving them until the last minute. This will give you fewer things to stress about and let you take a laid-back approach to life.
4-2. Listen to music.
Listen to some music that will calm you down. Different music works for different people, of course, but generally soothing music will make you more chill then some hard-core rock. Look for music with low, calming sounds. You will know that music is calming when you notice that your pulse is lower.
4-3. Play with little kids or animals.
When you notice that you’re getting too tense and worked up, try chilling out by playing with some cute little kids or animals. Kids especially have such a happy view of the world and themselves, and their outlook can often change how you view your own life. If you don’t have little kids in your life, think about volunteering with Big Brothers, Big Sisters (or a similar organization).
4-4. Exercise.
Physically getting up and moving, and proper exercise especially, can have a really big impact on how you feel emotionally. If you feel like you’re having problems being chill, go out for a run and see how you feel when you get back. You might be surprised!
4-5. Watch a funny movie.
A funny movie is a great way to relax and get into a chill mindset. You can watch cartoon movies that you loved as a kid or you can watch some more grown-up movies that make you laugh instead. Movies like Dodgeball are usually good for a laugh, Bridesmaids is a great movie, and Office Space will be sure to have you laughing at your own life in no time.
4-6. Play a game.
Another great way to chill is to play a game. You can play video games, board games, card games, or whatever you like. You can play alone or with other people. Games are a great way to exercise your brain and get your mind off of the problems and stresses in your life. It can also be a great way to bond with people that you love, which can really make your life more chill.
Tips
Give it time. If you're not used to doing these kinds of things, it can take practice to keep yourself in a chill mindset.
Don't worry what others think of you, just be yourself.
When confronted with abnormal behavior, yours or otherwise, be chill. It's not weird until some one makes it.
Warnings
Don't overdo it. Being 'Too Chill' can affect your friends, your family, and even how you do in school or at your job.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:27",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Being Chill Socially\\n1-1. Avoid drama.\\nDo your own thing, and let others do theirs. If they're not hurting anyone, what's the problem? Chill people don't look for reasons or opportunities to hate on others just for being different. There's no reason to bully or tread on other people's territory. Try to be happy with yourself and encourage self-love in others, too and remember be yourself.\\n1-2. Maintain a mellow attitude.\\nUnless someone is rude to you, your day should go by smoothly by being polite, considerate, and nice. Chill people don't antagonize for the sake of it or stir up a bunch of negative emotions by being jerks; chill people are generally kind and get along well with others. However, try to avoid going overboard so you don't become a people-pleaser or pushover.\\n1-3. Don't sweat the small stuff.\\nTake your life in stride. Roll with the punches and be accepting of the little things life throws your way, reserving your passion for what matters to you most. This is pretty much the defining feature of a chill person.\\n1-4. Be fun to hang out with.\\nDon't be someone who is really boring and afraid to try new things. Go out and do stuff you consider fun and be someone that other people want to spend time with. Talk with people, go see movies, play games, go on hikes or go camping: it's all good!\\n1-5. Make and follow your own trends.\\nBe unique. A chill person doesn't feel the need to follow all the trends set by others, they just do what they want and what makes them happy. This laid back attitude inspires others to be more laid back and people will want to be around you more often.\\n2. Being Chill in the Moment\\n2-1. Pick your battles.\\nSome things in life are bound to upset or anger you, and while it's okay to have those feelings, it's best not to nosedive into every argument that presents itself. Stop, take a deep breath, and decide whether an unpleasant situation is worth getting into. Catch yourself before you get stuck in a pointless argument or a big scene. From here, you can redirect the situation to be in your favor.\\n2-2. Redirect your thoughts.\\nDistract yourself from your immediate feelings by redirecting your thoughts. There are lots of ways you can do this. You can count your breaths. You can even sing a song (inside your head is probably better than out loud).\\n2-3. Chew some gum.\\nStudies have shown that we can reduce a significant amount of stress by chewing gum. Pop a stick of that winter fresh if you’re just not feeling calm in the moment.\\n2-4. Evaluate how much this matters.\\nThink about how much your problem matters in the grand scheme of things. Will it still affect you a year from now? Does it even help to be so hard on yourself? If you made it out alive, chances are you’ll find a way to get through it and move on to more happiness and hardships.\\n2-5. Do what your grandma would do.\\nBy the time we’re much older, we usually don’t get so worried when things don’t go our way, because we get used to it. Think of how your grandma would react in a situation and do that. She’d probably say something funny and then move on to the next thing, which is really the best thing to do if you want to stay sane.\\n2-6. Go somewhere else.\\nIf you just can’t handle the situation, take yourself out of it. No reason to stick around if you’re going to lose your cool and make some mistakes. Remove yourself from the room for a few minutes and then try again once you’ve managed to work through the initial anger or fear (or whatever you’re feeling).\\n3. Getting a Chill Attitude\\n3-1. Stay away from toxic people and situations.\\nAvoiding such things is the best way to be chill in life. Just say no to all the bullies, liars, and trash-talkers. You don’t need that in your life! Cut toxic people out of your life and don’t go around causing trouble yourself.\\n3-2. Get proactive.\\nThere's a difference between being chill and being passive. Instead of sitting around thinking your problems could be worse, always try to make things better for yourself. It'll be a lot easier to be genuinely laid-back when you're satisfied with your life as opposed to settling for less.\\n3-3. Be confident.\\nWhen you have lots of self confidence and comfort with who you are, you will have a much easier time being chill. You will know that it’s okay if you make a mistake, that it doesn’t make you worthless or something like that. You will know you can handle whatever crazy life manages to throw at you.\\n3-4. Find enjoyment in life.\\nDo things in life that make you happy. Don’t do things that stress you out just to accommodate others and not yourself. Doing things that make you happy will make you more calm and relaxed, helping you deal with all your problems in a better way.\\n3-5. Ignore ignorant opinions.\\nNot caring what others think will make many situations in your life less stressful, like arguments and rumors.\\n3-6. Keep a sense of humor.\\nYou’ve got to laugh about stuff in life, especially the stuff that doesn’t go your way, or you’re going to spend life grumpy and stressed out. When someone is a jerk to you, relieve your anger through humor. Just laugh at them because they are clearly very boring and miserable.\\n4. Calming Down\\n4-1. Don’t procrastinate.\\nAlways be quick about getting things done instead of procrastinating and leaving them until the last minute. This will give you fewer things to stress about and let you take a laid-back approach to life.\\n4-2. Listen to music.\\nListen to some music that will calm you down. Different music works for different people, of course, but generally soothing music will make you more chill then some hard-core rock. Look for music with low, calming sounds. You will know that music is calming when you notice that your pulse is lower.\\n4-3. Play with little kids or animals.\\nWhen you notice that you’re getting too tense and worked up, try chilling out by playing with some cute little kids or animals. Kids especially have such a happy view of the world and themselves, and their outlook can often change how you view your own life. If you don’t have little kids in your life, think about volunteering with Big Brothers, Big Sisters (or a similar organization).\\n4-4. Exercise.\\nPhysically getting up and moving, and proper exercise especially, can have a really big impact on how you feel emotionally. If you feel like you’re having problems being chill, go out for a run and see how you feel when you get back. You might be surprised!\\n4-5. Watch a funny movie.\\nA funny movie is a great way to relax and get into a chill mindset. You can watch cartoon movies that you loved as a kid or you can watch some more grown-up movies that make you laugh instead. Movies like Dodgeball are usually good for a laugh, Bridesmaids is a great movie, and Office Space will be sure to have you laughing at your own life in no time.\\n4-6. Play a game.\\nAnother great way to chill is to play a game. You can play video games, board games, card games, or whatever you like. You can play alone or with other people. Games are a great way to exercise your brain and get your mind off of the problems and stresses in your life. It can also be a great way to bond with people that you love, which can really make your life more chill.\\nTips\\nGive it time. If you're not used to doing these kinds of things, it can take practice to keep yourself in a chill mindset.\\nDon't worry what others think of you, just be yourself.\\nWhen confronted with abnormal behavior, yours or otherwise, be chill. It's not weird until some one makes it.\\nWarnings\\nDon't overdo it. Being 'Too Chill' can affect your friends, your family, and even how you do in school or at your job.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Do you want to be that chill person in your friend group that never sweats the small stuff and just enjoys their life? It can seem hard but it's really not! Read the directions below to get some great ideas for chilling out and making the most out of your life.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Being Chill Socially\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Avoid drama.\", \"描述\": \"Do your own thing, and let others do theirs. If they're not hurting anyone, what's the problem? Chill people don't look for reasons or opportunities to hate on others just for being different. There's no reason to bully or tread on other people's territory. Try to be happy with yourself and encourage self-love in others, too and remember be yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Maintain a mellow attitude.\", \"描述\": \"Unless someone is rude to you, your day should go by smoothly by being polite, considerate, and nice. Chill people don't antagonize for the sake of it or stir up a bunch of negative emotions by being jerks; chill people are generally kind and get along well with others. However, try to avoid going overboard so you don't become a people-pleaser or pushover.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Don't sweat the small stuff.\", \"描述\": \"Take your life in stride. Roll with the punches and be accepting of the little things life throws your way, reserving your passion for what matters to you most. This is pretty much the defining feature of a chill person.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be fun to hang out with.\", \"描述\": \"Don't be someone who is really boring and afraid to try new things. Go out and do stuff you consider fun and be someone that other people want to spend time with. Talk with people, go see movies, play games, go on hikes or go camping: it's all good!\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Make and follow your own trends.\", \"描述\": \"Be unique. A chill person doesn't feel the need to follow all the trends set by others, they just do what they want and what makes them happy. This laid back attitude inspires others to be more laid back and people will want to be around you more often.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being Chill in the Moment\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Pick your battles.\", \"描述\": \"Some things in life are bound to upset or anger you, and while it's okay to have those feelings, it's best not to nosedive into every argument that presents itself. Stop, take a deep breath, and decide whether an unpleasant situation is worth getting into. Catch yourself before you get stuck in a pointless argument or a big scene. From here, you can redirect the situation to be in your favor.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Redirect your thoughts.\", \"描述\": \"Distract yourself from your immediate feelings by redirecting your thoughts. There are lots of ways you can do this. You can count your breaths. You can even sing a song (inside your head is probably better than out loud).\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Chew some gum.\", \"描述\": \"Studies have shown that we can reduce a significant amount of stress by chewing gum. Pop a stick of that winter fresh if you’re just not feeling calm in the moment.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Evaluate how much this matters.\", \"描述\": \"Think about how much your problem matters in the grand scheme of things. Will it still affect you a year from now? Does it even help to be so hard on yourself? If you made it out alive, chances are you’ll find a way to get through it and move on to more happiness and hardships.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Do what your grandma would do.\", \"描述\": \"By the time we’re much older, we usually don’t get so worried when things don’t go our way, because we get used to it. Think of how your grandma would react in a situation and do that. She’d probably say something funny and then move on to the next thing, which is really the best thing to do if you want to stay sane.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Go somewhere else.\", \"描述\": \"If you just can’t handle the situation, take yourself out of it. No reason to stick around if you’re going to lose your cool and make some mistakes. Remove yourself from the room for a few minutes and then try again once you’ve managed to work through the initial anger or fear (or whatever you’re feeling).\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Getting a Chill Attitude\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Stay away from toxic people and situations.\", \"描述\": \"Avoiding such things is the best way to be chill in life. Just say no to all the bullies, liars, and trash-talkers. You don’t need that in your life! Cut toxic people out of your life and don’t go around causing trouble yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Get proactive.\", \"描述\": \"There's a difference between being chill and being passive. Instead of sitting around thinking your problems could be worse, always try to make things better for yourself. It'll be a lot easier to be genuinely laid-back when you're satisfied with your life as opposed to settling for less.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be confident.\", \"描述\": \"When you have lots of self confidence and comfort with who you are, you will have a much easier time being chill. You will know that it’s okay if you make a mistake, that it doesn’t make you worthless or something like that. You will know you can handle whatever crazy life manages to throw at you.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Find enjoyment in life.\", \"描述\": \"Do things in life that make you happy. Don’t do things that stress you out just to accommodate others and not yourself. Doing things that make you happy will make you more calm and relaxed, helping you deal with all your problems in a better way.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Ignore ignorant opinions.\", \"描述\": \"Not caring what others think will make many situations in your life less stressful, like arguments and rumors.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Keep a sense of humor.\", \"描述\": \"You’ve got to laugh about stuff in life, especially the stuff that doesn’t go your way, or you’re going to spend life grumpy and stressed out. When someone is a jerk to you, relieve your anger through humor. Just laugh at them because they are clearly very boring and miserable.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Calming Down\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Don’t procrastinate.\", \"描述\": \"Always be quick about getting things done instead of procrastinating and leaving them until the last minute. This will give you fewer things to stress about and let you take a laid-back approach to life.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Listen to music.\", \"描述\": \"Listen to some music that will calm you down. Different music works for different people, of course, but generally soothing music will make you more chill then some hard-core rock. Look for music with low, calming sounds. You will know that music is calming when you notice that your pulse is lower.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Play with little kids or animals.\", \"描述\": \"When you notice that you’re getting too tense and worked up, try chilling out by playing with some cute little kids or animals. Kids especially have such a happy view of the world and themselves, and their outlook can often change how you view your own life. If you don’t have little kids in your life, think about volunteering with Big Brothers, Big Sisters (or a similar organization).\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Exercise.\", \"描述\": \"Physically getting up and moving, and proper exercise especially, can have a really big impact on how you feel emotionally. If you feel like you’re having problems being chill, go out for a run and see how you feel when you get back. You might be surprised!\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Watch a funny movie.\", \"描述\": \"A funny movie is a great way to relax and get into a chill mindset. You can watch cartoon movies that you loved as a kid or you can watch some more grown-up movies that make you laugh instead. Movies like Dodgeball are usually good for a laugh, Bridesmaids is a great movie, and Office Space will be sure to have you laughing at your own life in no time.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Play a game.\", \"描述\": \"Another great way to chill is to play a game. You can play video games, board games, card games, or whatever you like. You can play alone or with other people. Games are a great way to exercise your brain and get your mind off of the problems and stresses in your life. It can also be a great way to bond with people that you love, which can really make your life more chill.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Give it time. If you're not used to doing these kinds of things, it can take practice to keep yourself in a chill mindset.\\n\", \"Don't worry what others think of you, just be yourself.\\n\", \"When confronted with abnormal behavior, yours or otherwise, be chill. It's not weird until some one makes it.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Don't overdo it. Being 'Too Chill' can affect your friends, your family, and even how you do in school or at your job.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,601 | How to Be Chivalrous | 1. Practicing Small Acts of Chivalry
1-1. Hold the door for everyone.
If there’s someone behind you, help them by holding the door regardless of their gender or whether you know them. This kind of common courtesy is an important part of chivalry.
For example, if you see someone coming in behind you with their arms full, you should hold the door for them.
You should also hold the door for your partner, but only if they’re comfortable with it. Some people like to open the door for themselves as a sign of independence.
1-2. Offer your seat to someone else who needs it.
This is another chivalrous action previously reserved just for women. However, you should apply this kindness to anyone who isn’t as physically fit and may need a seat, such as a pregnant, ill, or elderly person.
For example, if you’re sitting on the bus and you see an elderly woman standing up, you could say, “Excuse me, ma’am, would you like this seat?” and offer her your spot.
1-3. Stand up for the people around you.
If you see someone being mistreated or bullied, chivalry means stepping in and helping the victim. Stepping in can be difficult to do in the moment, but standing up for others can also be as simple as asking the victim if they need any help or calling for help from a law enforcement official or another bystander.
Standing up for others shows chivalrous qualities such as bravery, honor, and loyalty to your principles.
For example, if you see someone being harassed on the subway or the street, you could step in and ask the victim if they need any help. This takes the attention away from the harasser and gives the victim some control over the situation.
If you don’t feel comfortable intervening or the situation seems risky, you can also approach the victim afterwards and ask them if they need help.
1-4. Treat others with respect.
Whether you’re interacting with a family member, a significant other, or a stranger, being respectful is an essential part of chivalry. You can show respect by being polite, listening carefully, and valuing others’ opinions.
For example, always be respectful to waitstaff at restaurants. When they bring you your food or refill your water glass, remember to say thank you instead of just ignoring the action.
If your significant other is telling you about their day, you can show them respect by listening attentively and asking questions to show them that you’re interested.
1-5. Send your significant other a good morning text.
This small, romantic act of kindness shows them that you’re thinking of them. It also reflects commitment and honor, two important elements of chivalry.
For example, simple texts like “Hey, just wanted to tell you good morning” or “Good morning! I’ll be thinking of you today” can really brighten your partner’s day.
To be even more chivalrous, try calling once in awhile instead of texting. A phone call is more personal, so it will mean more.
2. Being Chivalrous on Dates
2-1. Call to set up and confirm a date.
Rather than texting, which can come across as impersonal and casual, call a few hours before a date to confirm that the time and place still work for both of you. This shows the other person that you’re engaged and invested in them.
2-2. Let the person who initiated the date pay for the meal.
You don’t have to follow the antiquated idea that the man should pay for every single date. Instead, balance the responsibility by agreeing to pay if you suggested the date. This shows respect and fairness in the relationship.
2-3. Be generous with your compliments.
Don’t be afraid to give honest, genuine compliments like “I really like your outfit today” or “You have such a great smile.” Instead of assuming that your partner knows that you appreciate them, actively tell your partner that you appreciate and value them.
Another way to connect with your partner and show that you want to be involved in their life is to give open, genuine compliments to their friends. Affirm things like a new haircut, a personal accomplishment, or a job promotion.
For example, you could say “Hey, I heard about your promotion at work. Congratulations, you deserve it!” or “Congratulations on running that marathon! That’s amazing!”
2-4. Keep your focus on your date.
Your eye contact plays a crucial role during a date. Keeping your focus on the person you’re with shows them that you’re interested, you respect them, and you’re having a good time. Ogling or continually glancing at other people is rude and hurtful to your date. It also goes against the chivalric ideals of loyalty and kindness.
To show your date that you’re focused on them, practice good eye contact and listening skills. As a general rule of thumb, you should hold eye contact for 2/3 of the time.
Body language is an important part of listening skills. Lift your eyebrows and smile to engage with your partner as you listen.
3. Avoiding Common Pitfalls
3-1. Don’t order for the other person.
The practice of the man ordering for the woman used to be considered chivalrous, but in modern culture, it’s considered rude. Show your date respect by not presuming to know what they want. Instead, let them choose what they want and order for themselves.
If your date isn’t sure what to get and they ask you to order for them, then it is acceptable for you to help.
As a sign of respect, you could also offer to let them order first.
3-2. Don’t get distracted by your phone during a date.
Leave your phone in your pocket and show your date respect and courtesy by focusing on them rather than any calls, texts, or social media browsing. This is a small kindness that can make a big impression on your date.
If the call is urgent and you absolutely have to take it, you should give your partner a heads-up so they know you’re expecting it.
For example, if you’re waiting to hear about a job opportunity or the health of a family member, you could say something like “Normally I would never take a call during a date, but tonight I’m waiting on an important call about my father’s surgery. If it rings during dinner, would you mind if I stepped outside to take it?”
3-3. Don’t be patronizing about chivalrous gestures.
Just use common sense and courtesy. Think about whether the gesture would make sense and come across as polite before you do it. The point of chivalry in dating is to make your partner feel safe and cared for, not babysat.
For example, if someone is twenty feet behind you, you don’t need to hold the door for them and make them rush.
Tips
In today's world, being chivalrous can be a great way to stand out from the crowd.[13]
X
Expert Source
Erika KaplanMatchmaker
Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.
Remember, you can still be chivalrous while treating your partner like they're your equal.[14]
X
Expert Source
Erika KaplanMatchmaker
Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:27",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Practicing Small Acts of Chivalry\\n1-1. Hold the door for everyone.\\nIf there’s someone behind you, help them by holding the door regardless of their gender or whether you know them. This kind of common courtesy is an important part of chivalry.\\nFor example, if you see someone coming in behind you with their arms full, you should hold the door for them.\\nYou should also hold the door for your partner, but only if they’re comfortable with it. Some people like to open the door for themselves as a sign of independence.\\n1-2. Offer your seat to someone else who needs it.\\nThis is another chivalrous action previously reserved just for women. However, you should apply this kindness to anyone who isn’t as physically fit and may need a seat, such as a pregnant, ill, or elderly person.\\nFor example, if you’re sitting on the bus and you see an elderly woman standing up, you could say, “Excuse me, ma’am, would you like this seat?” and offer her your spot.\\n1-3. Stand up for the people around you.\\nIf you see someone being mistreated or bullied, chivalry means stepping in and helping the victim. Stepping in can be difficult to do in the moment, but standing up for others can also be as simple as asking the victim if they need any help or calling for help from a law enforcement official or another bystander.\\nStanding up for others shows chivalrous qualities such as bravery, honor, and loyalty to your principles.\\nFor example, if you see someone being harassed on the subway or the street, you could step in and ask the victim if they need any help. This takes the attention away from the harasser and gives the victim some control over the situation.\\nIf you don’t feel comfortable intervening or the situation seems risky, you can also approach the victim afterwards and ask them if they need help.\\n1-4. Treat others with respect.\\nWhether you’re interacting with a family member, a significant other, or a stranger, being respectful is an essential part of chivalry. You can show respect by being polite, listening carefully, and valuing others’ opinions.\\nFor example, always be respectful to waitstaff at restaurants. When they bring you your food or refill your water glass, remember to say thank you instead of just ignoring the action.\\nIf your significant other is telling you about their day, you can show them respect by listening attentively and asking questions to show them that you’re interested.\\n1-5. Send your significant other a good morning text.\\nThis small, romantic act of kindness shows them that you’re thinking of them. It also reflects commitment and honor, two important elements of chivalry.\\nFor example, simple texts like “Hey, just wanted to tell you good morning” or “Good morning! I’ll be thinking of you today” can really brighten your partner’s day.\\nTo be even more chivalrous, try calling once in awhile instead of texting. A phone call is more personal, so it will mean more.\\n2. Being Chivalrous on Dates\\n2-1. Call to set up and confirm a date.\\nRather than texting, which can come across as impersonal and casual, call a few hours before a date to confirm that the time and place still work for both of you. This shows the other person that you’re engaged and invested in them.\\n2-2. Let the person who initiated the date pay for the meal.\\nYou don’t have to follow the antiquated idea that the man should pay for every single date. Instead, balance the responsibility by agreeing to pay if you suggested the date. This shows respect and fairness in the relationship.\\n2-3. Be generous with your compliments.\\nDon’t be afraid to give honest, genuine compliments like “I really like your outfit today” or “You have such a great smile.” Instead of assuming that your partner knows that you appreciate them, actively tell your partner that you appreciate and value them.\\nAnother way to connect with your partner and show that you want to be involved in their life is to give open, genuine compliments to their friends. Affirm things like a new haircut, a personal accomplishment, or a job promotion.\\nFor example, you could say “Hey, I heard about your promotion at work. Congratulations, you deserve it!” or “Congratulations on running that marathon! That’s amazing!”\\n2-4. Keep your focus on your date.\\nYour eye contact plays a crucial role during a date. Keeping your focus on the person you’re with shows them that you’re interested, you respect them, and you’re having a good time. Ogling or continually glancing at other people is rude and hurtful to your date. It also goes against the chivalric ideals of loyalty and kindness.\\nTo show your date that you’re focused on them, practice good eye contact and listening skills. As a general rule of thumb, you should hold eye contact for 2/3 of the time.\\nBody language is an important part of listening skills. Lift your eyebrows and smile to engage with your partner as you listen.\\n3. Avoiding Common Pitfalls\\n3-1. Don’t order for the other person.\\nThe practice of the man ordering for the woman used to be considered chivalrous, but in modern culture, it’s considered rude. Show your date respect by not presuming to know what they want. Instead, let them choose what they want and order for themselves.\\nIf your date isn’t sure what to get and they ask you to order for them, then it is acceptable for you to help.\\nAs a sign of respect, you could also offer to let them order first.\\n3-2. Don’t get distracted by your phone during a date.\\nLeave your phone in your pocket and show your date respect and courtesy by focusing on them rather than any calls, texts, or social media browsing. This is a small kindness that can make a big impression on your date.\\nIf the call is urgent and you absolutely have to take it, you should give your partner a heads-up so they know you’re expecting it.\\nFor example, if you’re waiting to hear about a job opportunity or the health of a family member, you could say something like “Normally I would never take a call during a date, but tonight I’m waiting on an important call about my father’s surgery. If it rings during dinner, would you mind if I stepped outside to take it?”\\n3-3. Don’t be patronizing about chivalrous gestures.\\nJust use common sense and courtesy. Think about whether the gesture would make sense and come across as polite before you do it. The point of chivalry in dating is to make your partner feel safe and cared for, not babysat.\\nFor example, if someone is twenty feet behind you, you don’t need to hold the door for them and make them rush.\\nTips\\nIn today's world, being chivalrous can be a great way to stand out from the crowd.[13]\\nX\\nExpert Source\\n\\nErika KaplanMatchmaker\\nExpert Interview. 1 October 2020.\\nRemember, you can still be chivalrous while treating your partner like they're your equal.[14]\\nX\\nExpert Source\\n\\nErika KaplanMatchmaker\\nExpert Interview. 1 October 2020.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Chivalry goes back as far as medieval times when it was a code of honor for knights. Today, particularly in dating culture, chivalry means showing kindness, honor, bravery, maturity, and loyalty to the people around you. Modern chivalry is also for all genders—anyone can practice chivalry by showing respect and kindness to their partners and the people around them.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Practicing Small Acts of Chivalry\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Hold the door for everyone.\", \"描述\": \"If there’s someone behind you, help them by holding the door regardless of their gender or whether you know them. This kind of common courtesy is an important part of chivalry.\\nFor example, if you see someone coming in behind you with their arms full, you should hold the door for them.\\nYou should also hold the door for your partner, but only if they’re comfortable with it. Some people like to open the door for themselves as a sign of independence.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Offer your seat to someone else who needs it.\", \"描述\": \"This is another chivalrous action previously reserved just for women. However, you should apply this kindness to anyone who isn’t as physically fit and may need a seat, such as a pregnant, ill, or elderly person.\\nFor example, if you’re sitting on the bus and you see an elderly woman standing up, you could say, “Excuse me, ma’am, would you like this seat?” and offer her your spot.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Stand up for the people around you.\", \"描述\": \"If you see someone being mistreated or bullied, chivalry means stepping in and helping the victim. Stepping in can be difficult to do in the moment, but standing up for others can also be as simple as asking the victim if they need any help or calling for help from a law enforcement official or another bystander.\\nStanding up for others shows chivalrous qualities such as bravery, honor, and loyalty to your principles.\\nFor example, if you see someone being harassed on the subway or the street, you could step in and ask the victim if they need any help. This takes the attention away from the harasser and gives the victim some control over the situation.\\nIf you don’t feel comfortable intervening or the situation seems risky, you can also approach the victim afterwards and ask them if they need help.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Treat others with respect.\", \"描述\": \"Whether you’re interacting with a family member, a significant other, or a stranger, being respectful is an essential part of chivalry. You can show respect by being polite, listening carefully, and valuing others’ opinions.\\nFor example, always be respectful to waitstaff at restaurants. When they bring you your food or refill your water glass, remember to say thank you instead of just ignoring the action.\\nIf your significant other is telling you about their day, you can show them respect by listening attentively and asking questions to show them that you’re interested.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Send your significant other a good morning text.\", \"描述\": \"This small, romantic act of kindness shows them that you’re thinking of them. It also reflects commitment and honor, two important elements of chivalry.\\nFor example, simple texts like “Hey, just wanted to tell you good morning” or “Good morning! I’ll be thinking of you today” can really brighten your partner’s day.\\nTo be even more chivalrous, try calling once in awhile instead of texting. A phone call is more personal, so it will mean more.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being Chivalrous on Dates\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Call to set up and confirm a date.\", \"描述\": \"Rather than texting, which can come across as impersonal and casual, call a few hours before a date to confirm that the time and place still work for both of you. This shows the other person that you’re engaged and invested in them.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Let the person who initiated the date pay for the meal.\", \"描述\": \"You don’t have to follow the antiquated idea that the man should pay for every single date. Instead, balance the responsibility by agreeing to pay if you suggested the date. This shows respect and fairness in the relationship.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be generous with your compliments.\", \"描述\": \"Don’t be afraid to give honest, genuine compliments like “I really like your outfit today” or “You have such a great smile.” Instead of assuming that your partner knows that you appreciate them, actively tell your partner that you appreciate and value them.\\nAnother way to connect with your partner and show that you want to be involved in their life is to give open, genuine compliments to their friends. Affirm things like a new haircut, a personal accomplishment, or a job promotion.\\nFor example, you could say “Hey, I heard about your promotion at work. Congratulations, you deserve it!” or “Congratulations on running that marathon! That’s amazing!”\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Keep your focus on your date.\", \"描述\": \"Your eye contact plays a crucial role during a date. Keeping your focus on the person you’re with shows them that you’re interested, you respect them, and you’re having a good time. Ogling or continually glancing at other people is rude and hurtful to your date. It also goes against the chivalric ideals of loyalty and kindness.\\nTo show your date that you’re focused on them, practice good eye contact and listening skills. As a general rule of thumb, you should hold eye contact for 2/3 of the time.\\nBody language is an important part of listening skills. Lift your eyebrows and smile to engage with your partner as you listen.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Avoiding Common Pitfalls\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Don’t order for the other person.\", \"描述\": \"The practice of the man ordering for the woman used to be considered chivalrous, but in modern culture, it’s considered rude. Show your date respect by not presuming to know what they want. Instead, let them choose what they want and order for themselves.\\nIf your date isn’t sure what to get and they ask you to order for them, then it is acceptable for you to help.\\nAs a sign of respect, you could also offer to let them order first.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Don’t get distracted by your phone during a date.\", \"描述\": \"Leave your phone in your pocket and show your date respect and courtesy by focusing on them rather than any calls, texts, or social media browsing. This is a small kindness that can make a big impression on your date.\\nIf the call is urgent and you absolutely have to take it, you should give your partner a heads-up so they know you’re expecting it.\\nFor example, if you’re waiting to hear about a job opportunity or the health of a family member, you could say something like “Normally I would never take a call during a date, but tonight I’m waiting on an important call about my father’s surgery. If it rings during dinner, would you mind if I stepped outside to take it?”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Don’t be patronizing about chivalrous gestures.\", \"描述\": \"Just use common sense and courtesy. Think about whether the gesture would make sense and come across as polite before you do it. The point of chivalry in dating is to make your partner feel safe and cared for, not babysat.\\nFor example, if someone is twenty feet behind you, you don’t need to hold the door for them and make them rush.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"In today's world, being chivalrous can be a great way to stand out from the crowd.[13]\\nX\\nExpert Source\\n\\nErika KaplanMatchmaker\\nExpert Interview. 1 October 2020.\\n\", \"Remember, you can still be chivalrous while treating your partner like they're your equal.[14]\\nX\\nExpert Source\\n\\nErika KaplanMatchmaker\\nExpert Interview. 1 October 2020.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
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} | wikihow |
3,602 | 10+ Chivalrous Ways to Charm Her on a Date | 1. Plan out the date.
Don’t just ask your date to hang at your house.
Instead, make dinner reservations, pick out a hiking train, or research a fun museum exhibit to go to. Put in effort to show your date that you actually thought about fun things for you two to do together.
It’s considered polite for the person who asks for the date to do the planning.
2. Call them up to ask them out.
A text is fine, but a phone call feels more chivalrous.
Instead of texting your date “wyd later,” give them a ring to see when they’re free. It might feel a little scarier, but it’s a nice way to show your date that you care.
If your date doesn’t answer, feel free to leave them a message.
3. Go to the door if you pick them up.
Don’t just text or honk your horn.
If you’re picking your date up from their home, head on up and knock on the door when you arrive. It will make them feel like you really care, and you’ll start your date out on the right foot.
If your date lives with other people, be prepared to quickly meet their parents or roommates before you head out for the night.
4. Hold doors open for your date.
You can hold the car door and any other doors you encounter.
Get ahead of your date by a few steps, then swoop in and hold the door open for them. This classic chivalrous act will make them feel appreciated, and it’s a nice way to show your date respect.
There may be a few times when you can’t grab the door in time, and that’s okay! Chivalrous acts are great to aspire to, but don’t beat yourself up if you can’t do them all.
5. Hold an umbrella over your date if it’s raining.
That way, they won’t get soaking wet.
If you show up to your date spot and it’s starting to rain, shake out your umbrella and hold it over your date. Feel free to huddle under the umbrella too, but make sure they’re not getting soaked!
You could also drop your date off closer to the door and then park the car. That way, they don’t have to walk through the rain if they don’t need to.
6. Help them take off their coat.
Before you sit down, step behind your date and grab their coat.
You can either hang it on a coat rack nearby or place it on the back of their chair. If their coat is wet, try to put it somewhere it can dry off while you two enjoy each other’s company.
If you aren’t sure how to go about this, try asking your date, “Can I help you with your coat?” That way, they know what you’re doing.
7. Pull out their chair.
Offer them a seat at the table before you sit down.
When they sit, gently push them in so they’re comfortable. After that, you can head to your own seat and sit down.
If your date sits down before you have a chance to pull out their chair, it’s okay. This is a nice chivalrous act, but it’s not the end of the world if you don’t get to it.
8. Turn off your phone.
Give your date your full attention while you two are together.
Keep your phone on silent and put it in your pocket or your bag so you aren’t tempted to look at it. Make eye contact with your date and really listen to them as they talk so you two can make a connection.
If you need to keep your phone on for emergencies, put it on vibrate. Then, explain to your date what’s going on if you need to take a phone call or check a quick text.
9. Offer to pay for the date.
It isn’t a necessity, but it will make you look good.
When the check comes, offer to pick up the tab. Your date might want to pay for it or even offer to split it—it’s up to you whether or not you want to pay in full or let them help out. In general, though, it’s nice to at least offer up your money at first.
A common misconception is that men always have to pay for a date when they’re out with a woman. This isn’t the case at all, and you and your date can decide with each other about who wants to pay for what.
10. Offer your jacket if they get cold.
If the sun goes down, your date might get chilly.
If you notice them start to shiver, shrug off your jacket and give it to them. They’ll feel more comfortable, and you two can probably keep hanging out for longer.
This is a fun way to be chivalrous if you’re taking a nature walk or going stargazing.
11. Make sure your date gets home safely.
Drop them off or have them text you when they get home.
If you two arrived separately, make sure they get to their car or find a safe ride home. If you picked them up, walk them to their door and wait until they get inside to leave. You’ll make them feel safe, and they’ll appreciate that you care for their wellbeing.
If you walk your date to their door, don’t ask if you can come inside. It’s fine if they invite you in, but it can seem a little presumptuous to assume you’re going inside.
12. Send your date flowers unexpectedly.
Have them delivered to their home address.
It’s always nice to get an unexpected gift, and it’s a sweet way to let your date know you had a good time. Call up a florist near you and get them to deliver a beautiful bouquet with a sweet note attached.
This isn’t totally necessary, but it will make your date feel good!
Tips
Anyone can be chivalrous regardless of gender!
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:28",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Plan out the date.\\nDon’t just ask your date to hang at your house.\\nInstead, make dinner reservations, pick out a hiking train, or research a fun museum exhibit to go to. Put in effort to show your date that you actually thought about fun things for you two to do together.\\nIt’s considered polite for the person who asks for the date to do the planning.\\n2. Call them up to ask them out.\\nA text is fine, but a phone call feels more chivalrous.\\nInstead of texting your date “wyd later,” give them a ring to see when they’re free. It might feel a little scarier, but it’s a nice way to show your date that you care.\\nIf your date doesn’t answer, feel free to leave them a message.\\n3. Go to the door if you pick them up.\\nDon’t just text or honk your horn.\\nIf you’re picking your date up from their home, head on up and knock on the door when you arrive. It will make them feel like you really care, and you’ll start your date out on the right foot.\\nIf your date lives with other people, be prepared to quickly meet their parents or roommates before you head out for the night.\\n4. Hold doors open for your date.\\nYou can hold the car door and any other doors you encounter.\\nGet ahead of your date by a few steps, then swoop in and hold the door open for them. This classic chivalrous act will make them feel appreciated, and it’s a nice way to show your date respect.\\nThere may be a few times when you can’t grab the door in time, and that’s okay! Chivalrous acts are great to aspire to, but don’t beat yourself up if you can’t do them all.\\n5. Hold an umbrella over your date if it’s raining.\\nThat way, they won’t get soaking wet.\\nIf you show up to your date spot and it’s starting to rain, shake out your umbrella and hold it over your date. Feel free to huddle under the umbrella too, but make sure they’re not getting soaked!\\nYou could also drop your date off closer to the door and then park the car. That way, they don’t have to walk through the rain if they don’t need to.\\n6. Help them take off their coat.\\nBefore you sit down, step behind your date and grab their coat.\\nYou can either hang it on a coat rack nearby or place it on the back of their chair. If their coat is wet, try to put it somewhere it can dry off while you two enjoy each other’s company.\\nIf you aren’t sure how to go about this, try asking your date, “Can I help you with your coat?” That way, they know what you’re doing.\\n7. Pull out their chair.\\nOffer them a seat at the table before you sit down.\\nWhen they sit, gently push them in so they’re comfortable. After that, you can head to your own seat and sit down.\\nIf your date sits down before you have a chance to pull out their chair, it’s okay. This is a nice chivalrous act, but it’s not the end of the world if you don’t get to it.\\n8. Turn off your phone.\\nGive your date your full attention while you two are together.\\nKeep your phone on silent and put it in your pocket or your bag so you aren’t tempted to look at it. Make eye contact with your date and really listen to them as they talk so you two can make a connection.\\nIf you need to keep your phone on for emergencies, put it on vibrate. Then, explain to your date what’s going on if you need to take a phone call or check a quick text.\\n9. Offer to pay for the date.\\nIt isn’t a necessity, but it will make you look good.\\nWhen the check comes, offer to pick up the tab. Your date might want to pay for it or even offer to split it—it’s up to you whether or not you want to pay in full or let them help out. In general, though, it’s nice to at least offer up your money at first.\\nA common misconception is that men always have to pay for a date when they’re out with a woman. This isn’t the case at all, and you and your date can decide with each other about who wants to pay for what.\\n10. Offer your jacket if they get cold.\\nIf the sun goes down, your date might get chilly.\\nIf you notice them start to shiver, shrug off your jacket and give it to them. They’ll feel more comfortable, and you two can probably keep hanging out for longer.\\nThis is a fun way to be chivalrous if you’re taking a nature walk or going stargazing.\\n11. Make sure your date gets home safely.\\nDrop them off or have them text you when they get home.\\nIf you two arrived separately, make sure they get to their car or find a safe ride home. If you picked them up, walk them to their door and wait until they get inside to leave. You’ll make them feel safe, and they’ll appreciate that you care for their wellbeing.\\nIf you walk your date to their door, don’t ask if you can come inside. It’s fine if they invite you in, but it can seem a little presumptuous to assume you’re going inside.\\n12. Send your date flowers unexpectedly.\\nHave them delivered to their home address.\\nIt’s always nice to get an unexpected gift, and it’s a sweet way to let your date know you had a good time. Call up a florist near you and get them to deliver a beautiful bouquet with a sweet note attached.\\nThis isn’t totally necessary, but it will make your date feel good!\\nTips\\nAnyone can be chivalrous regardless of gender!\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"If you’ve heard the phrase “chivalry is dead” before, you might be wondering how, exactly, you can revive it. Taking someone out on a date is the perfect time to practice your chivalry skills, especially if you two are going out for the first time. Read through these tips to learn how you can impress your date and add a little modern chivalry into your love life.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Plan out the date.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Don’t just ask your date to hang at your house.\", \"描述\": \"Instead, make dinner reservations, pick out a hiking train, or research a fun museum exhibit to go to. Put in effort to show your date that you actually thought about fun things for you two to do together.\\nIt’s considered polite for the person who asks for the date to do the planning.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Call them up to ask them out.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"A text is fine, but a phone call feels more chivalrous.\", \"描述\": \"Instead of texting your date “wyd later,” give them a ring to see when they’re free. It might feel a little scarier, but it’s a nice way to show your date that you care.\\nIf your date doesn’t answer, feel free to leave them a message.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Go to the door if you pick them up.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Don’t just text or honk your horn.\", \"描述\": \"If you’re picking your date up from their home, head on up and knock on the door when you arrive. It will make them feel like you really care, and you’ll start your date out on the right foot.\\nIf your date lives with other people, be prepared to quickly meet their parents or roommates before you head out for the night.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Hold doors open for your date.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"You can hold the car door and any other doors you encounter.\", \"描述\": \"Get ahead of your date by a few steps, then swoop in and hold the door open for them. This classic chivalrous act will make them feel appreciated, and it’s a nice way to show your date respect.\\nThere may be a few times when you can’t grab the door in time, and that’s okay! Chivalrous acts are great to aspire to, but don’t beat yourself up if you can’t do them all.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Hold an umbrella over your date if it’s raining.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"That way, they won’t get soaking wet.\", \"描述\": \"If you show up to your date spot and it’s starting to rain, shake out your umbrella and hold it over your date. Feel free to huddle under the umbrella too, but make sure they’re not getting soaked!\\nYou could also drop your date off closer to the door and then park the car. That way, they don’t have to walk through the rain if they don’t need to.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Help them take off their coat.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Before you sit down, step behind your date and grab their coat.\", \"描述\": \"You can either hang it on a coat rack nearby or place it on the back of their chair. If their coat is wet, try to put it somewhere it can dry off while you two enjoy each other’s company.\\nIf you aren’t sure how to go about this, try asking your date, “Can I help you with your coat?” That way, they know what you’re doing.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Pull out their chair.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Offer them a seat at the table before you sit down.\", \"描述\": \"When they sit, gently push them in so they’re comfortable. After that, you can head to your own seat and sit down.\\nIf your date sits down before you have a chance to pull out their chair, it’s okay. This is a nice chivalrous act, but it’s not the end of the world if you don’t get to it.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Turn off your phone.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Give your date your full attention while you two are together.\", \"描述\": \"Keep your phone on silent and put it in your pocket or your bag so you aren’t tempted to look at it. Make eye contact with your date and really listen to them as they talk so you two can make a connection.\\nIf you need to keep your phone on for emergencies, put it on vibrate. Then, explain to your date what’s going on if you need to take a phone call or check a quick text.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Offer to pay for the date.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"It isn’t a necessity, but it will make you look good.\", \"描述\": \"When the check comes, offer to pick up the tab. Your date might want to pay for it or even offer to split it—it’s up to you whether or not you want to pay in full or let them help out. In general, though, it’s nice to at least offer up your money at first.\\nA common misconception is that men always have to pay for a date when they’re out with a woman. This isn’t the case at all, and you and your date can decide with each other about who wants to pay for what.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Offer your jacket if they get cold.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"If the sun goes down, your date might get chilly.\", \"描述\": \"If you notice them start to shiver, shrug off your jacket and give it to them. They’ll feel more comfortable, and you two can probably keep hanging out for longer.\\nThis is a fun way to be chivalrous if you’re taking a nature walk or going stargazing.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Make sure your date gets home safely.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Drop them off or have them text you when they get home.\", \"描述\": \"If you two arrived separately, make sure they get to their car or find a safe ride home. If you picked them up, walk them to their door and wait until they get inside to leave. You’ll make them feel safe, and they’ll appreciate that you care for their wellbeing.\\nIf you walk your date to their door, don’t ask if you can come inside. It’s fine if they invite you in, but it can seem a little presumptuous to assume you’re going inside.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 12, \"标题\": \"Send your date flowers unexpectedly.\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Have them delivered to their home address.\", \"描述\": \"It’s always nice to get an unexpected gift, and it’s a sweet way to let your date know you had a good time. Call up a florist near you and get them to deliver a beautiful bouquet with a sweet note attached.\\nThis isn’t totally necessary, but it will make your date feel good!\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Anyone can be chivalrous regardless of gender!\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,603 | How to Be Classically Beautiful | 1. Steps
1-1. Wear classic pieces.
Classic women never wear trendy clothes. They wear classic pieces such as a simple black dress with a striking accessory, aviator glasses, a colorful scarf or a pretty set of pearls. Think of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis's famous over-sized sunglasses and timeless suits. You don't have to go back to the nineteen-fifties, but expand your wardrobe when possible, and learn to have your own sophisticated style. (Some people are very classic and still keep up a colorful, fun appearance.)
1-2. Keep makeup to a minimum.
A little foundation, lip gloss and mascara can go a very long way. Learn how to make your best features stand out.
This is where choosing clothing that complements your skin tone and hair color is super helpful. You don’t need a lot of makeup if your clothes are on point.
1-3. Respect your hair's natural texture.
Always aim for a shiny and healthy style. Consult a hairdresser to figure out what style will suit your face and the easiest way to maintain your hair. You don't want to spend hours in front of the mirror.
1-4. Have good personal hygiene.
Keep nails and toenails looking prim and proper, a simple French manicure is always elegant.
1-5. Be positive and happy.
A positive outlook is always beautiful.
If something is really bothering you, it's okay to show it. But a Classic Beauty is known for being reserved, calm and always in control.
1-6. Know what you're talking about.
Intelligence is key. Brush up on as many subjects as possible.
1-7. Black is something classic beauties always wear, but try to accentuate the simplicity of it with accessories of a single other color such as red, white, or green.
1-8. Find the classic colors that work best with your complexion and eye color.
For example:
Blue eyes: Orange (complementary), Dark Blue, Dark Purple, Light Green, Grey, white, Black, Turquoise (analogous), Blue-Purple (analogous),Dark Red. Colors to avoid are: bright red, lime green, hot pink, brown, baby blue, any tints (colors visibly mixed with white)
Brown eyes: Any Pink, Charcoal, any very dark color, Yellow (it brings out undertones in the eyes, despite its reputation) Green (also, undertones). Colors to avoid: none, brown is neutral, and so goes with everything.
Green eyes: Purple (it really does bring out the color of your eyes), Dark red (green's complimentary color), dark blue, black, Brown, off-white. Colors to avoid: Grey, since it weighs down the natural tones in your iris, muting the color. However, if your eyes are bright green or blue green, gray brings it out quite nicely. Yellow, bright red (compliments can be jarring when both of the colors are vivid), bright white, orange, and green (which drowns out your eye color).
Black eyes: any color.
Ruddy (blue-toned/pink after exertion/freckled) skin: Cool colors (blue, purple, green, and all the analogous colors between them including Red-purple) Black, Grey. Colors to avoid: Yellow, and the corresponding analogous colors, any red (sorry) and White. Wear dark orange or red-orange at your discretion.
Sallow (yellow toned/ tanning rather than freckling) any warm or neutral colors. Avoid yellow, but golds can look nice
If you are African-American or have a darker complexion, you can wear almost any color. Golds are especially beautiful, though.
If you have red hair, you can wear: Golds, beiges, corals, purples, very dark or light greens (just avoid the "Christmas green" color) dark blues.
Tips
Being true to yourself and having confidence is key.
Having "inner beauty" is just as important as being outwardly beautiful. Being beautiful on the inside will show that you are a very special girl not worth losing.
Always have appreciation; that is the key to a happy life.
Warnings
Don't try to be someone you're not; be your own classic beauty.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:28",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Steps\\n1-1. Wear classic pieces.\\nClassic women never wear trendy clothes. They wear classic pieces such as a simple black dress with a striking accessory, aviator glasses, a colorful scarf or a pretty set of pearls. Think of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis's famous over-sized sunglasses and timeless suits. You don't have to go back to the nineteen-fifties, but expand your wardrobe when possible, and learn to have your own sophisticated style. (Some people are very classic and still keep up a colorful, fun appearance.)\\n1-2. Keep makeup to a minimum.\\nA little foundation, lip gloss and mascara can go a very long way. Learn how to make your best features stand out.\\nThis is where choosing clothing that complements your skin tone and hair color is super helpful. You don’t need a lot of makeup if your clothes are on point.\\n1-3. Respect your hair's natural texture.\\nAlways aim for a shiny and healthy style. Consult a hairdresser to figure out what style will suit your face and the easiest way to maintain your hair. You don't want to spend hours in front of the mirror.\\n1-4. Have good personal hygiene.\\nKeep nails and toenails looking prim and proper, a simple French manicure is always elegant.\\n1-5. Be positive and happy.\\nA positive outlook is always beautiful.\\nIf something is really bothering you, it's okay to show it. But a Classic Beauty is known for being reserved, calm and always in control.\\n1-6. Know what you're talking about.\\nIntelligence is key. Brush up on as many subjects as possible.\\n1-7. Black is something classic beauties always wear, but try to accentuate the simplicity of it with accessories of a single other color such as red, white, or green.\\n\\n1-8. Find the classic colors that work best with your complexion and eye color.\\nFor example:\\nBlue eyes: Orange (complementary), Dark Blue, Dark Purple, Light Green, Grey, white, Black, Turquoise (analogous), Blue-Purple (analogous),Dark Red. Colors to avoid are: bright red, lime green, hot pink, brown, baby blue, any tints (colors visibly mixed with white)\\nBrown eyes: Any Pink, Charcoal, any very dark color, Yellow (it brings out undertones in the eyes, despite its reputation) Green (also, undertones). Colors to avoid: none, brown is neutral, and so goes with everything.\\nGreen eyes: Purple (it really does bring out the color of your eyes), Dark red (green's complimentary color), dark blue, black, Brown, off-white. Colors to avoid: Grey, since it weighs down the natural tones in your iris, muting the color. However, if your eyes are bright green or blue green, gray brings it out quite nicely. Yellow, bright red (compliments can be jarring when both of the colors are vivid), bright white, orange, and green (which drowns out your eye color).\\nBlack eyes: any color.\\nRuddy (blue-toned/pink after exertion/freckled) skin: Cool colors (blue, purple, green, and all the analogous colors between them including Red-purple) Black, Grey. Colors to avoid: Yellow, and the corresponding analogous colors, any red (sorry) and White. Wear dark orange or red-orange at your discretion.\\nSallow (yellow toned/ tanning rather than freckling) any warm or neutral colors. Avoid yellow, but golds can look nice\\nIf you are African-American or have a darker complexion, you can wear almost any color. Golds are especially beautiful, though.\\nIf you have red hair, you can wear: Golds, beiges, corals, purples, very dark or light greens (just avoid the \\\"Christmas green\\\" color) dark blues.\\nTips\\nBeing true to yourself and having confidence is key.\\nHaving \\\"inner beauty\\\" is just as important as being outwardly beautiful. Being beautiful on the inside will show that you are a very special girl not worth losing.\\nAlways have appreciation; that is the key to a happy life.\\nWarnings\\nDon't try to be someone you're not; be your own classic beauty.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Audrey Hepburn, Vivien Leigh, Angela Basset, Grace Kelly, Ingrid Bergman, Laverne Cox, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, all these women are classic beauties. They all understood that the key to classic beauty is to keep it simple.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Steps\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Wear classic pieces.\", \"描述\": \"Classic women never wear trendy clothes. They wear classic pieces such as a simple black dress with a striking accessory, aviator glasses, a colorful scarf or a pretty set of pearls. Think of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis's famous over-sized sunglasses and timeless suits. You don't have to go back to the nineteen-fifties, but expand your wardrobe when possible, and learn to have your own sophisticated style. (Some people are very classic and still keep up a colorful, fun appearance.)\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Keep makeup to a minimum.\", \"描述\": \"A little foundation, lip gloss and mascara can go a very long way. Learn how to make your best features stand out.\\nThis is where choosing clothing that complements your skin tone and hair color is super helpful. You don’t need a lot of makeup if your clothes are on point.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Respect your hair's natural texture.\", \"描述\": \"Always aim for a shiny and healthy style. Consult a hairdresser to figure out what style will suit your face and the easiest way to maintain your hair. You don't want to spend hours in front of the mirror.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Have good personal hygiene.\", \"描述\": \"Keep nails and toenails looking prim and proper, a simple French manicure is always elegant.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be positive and happy.\", \"描述\": \"A positive outlook is always beautiful.\\nIf something is really bothering you, it's okay to show it. But a Classic Beauty is known for being reserved, calm and always in control.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Know what you're talking about.\", \"描述\": \"Intelligence is key. Brush up on as many subjects as possible.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Black is something classic beauties always wear, but try to accentuate the simplicity of it with accessories of a single other color such as red, white, or green.\", \"描述\": \"\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Find the classic colors that work best with your complexion and eye color.\", \"描述\": \"For example:\\nBlue eyes: Orange (complementary), Dark Blue, Dark Purple, Light Green, Grey, white, Black, Turquoise (analogous), Blue-Purple (analogous),Dark Red. Colors to avoid are: bright red, lime green, hot pink, brown, baby blue, any tints (colors visibly mixed with white)\\nBrown eyes: Any Pink, Charcoal, any very dark color, Yellow (it brings out undertones in the eyes, despite its reputation) Green (also, undertones). Colors to avoid: none, brown is neutral, and so goes with everything.\\nGreen eyes: Purple (it really does bring out the color of your eyes), Dark red (green's complimentary color), dark blue, black, Brown, off-white. Colors to avoid: Grey, since it weighs down the natural tones in your iris, muting the color. However, if your eyes are bright green or blue green, gray brings it out quite nicely. Yellow, bright red (compliments can be jarring when both of the colors are vivid), bright white, orange, and green (which drowns out your eye color).\\nBlack eyes: any color.\\nRuddy (blue-toned/pink after exertion/freckled) skin: Cool colors (blue, purple, green, and all the analogous colors between them including Red-purple) Black, Grey. Colors to avoid: Yellow, and the corresponding analogous colors, any red (sorry) and White. Wear dark orange or red-orange at your discretion.\\nSallow (yellow toned/ tanning rather than freckling) any warm or neutral colors. Avoid yellow, but golds can look nice\\nIf you are African-American or have a darker complexion, you can wear almost any color. Golds are especially beautiful, though.\\nIf you have red hair, you can wear: Golds, beiges, corals, purples, very dark or light greens (just avoid the \\\"Christmas green\\\" color) dark blues.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Being true to yourself and having confidence is key.\\n\", \"Having \\\"inner beauty\\\" is just as important as being outwardly beautiful. Being beautiful on the inside will show that you are a very special girl not worth losing.\\n\", \"Always have appreciation; that is the key to a happy life.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Don't try to be someone you're not; be your own classic beauty.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,604 | How to Be Clean | 1. Practicing Good Hygiene
1-1. Bathe yourself daily.
Regular bathing kills the bacteria that causes body odor and clears away any visible dirt on your skin. Wash yourself once a day with warm water, a washcloth or loofah, and gentle soap. Choose soaps that advertise as fragrance-free or are suitable for sensitive skin to reduce any dryness or irritation.
Always shower after exercising or sweating, even if you’ve already showered that day.
Some people find that shaving their underarms while showering helps reduce body odor.
1-2. Take care of your hair.
Brush your hair at least once a day to remove dandruff and distribute your hair’s natural oils. Additionally, only wash your hair 2-3 times a week, using a hairband or shower cap to keep your hair dry while you bathe. This will help your hair stay soft and healthy. Choose a shampoo that addresses any hair concerns you have. For example:
Treat dandruff with dandruff shampoos.
If your hair is dry and brittle, choose a gentle, conditioning shampoo.
If your color your hair, use a color safe, sulfite-free shampoo.
1-3. Keep your mouth healthy.
Brush your teeth at least twice a day with a fluoride toothpaste. This will remove plaque and food debris that cause bad breath and cavities. Additionally, floss your teeth once a day to keep your gums healthy.
Replace your toothbrush every three to four months to avoid a buildup of harmful bacteria.
1-4. Groom your nails.
Keep your nails clean and trimmed to avoid nail funguses or bacteria buildup. Wash your hands often, paying special attention to remove any dirt under the nail bed. Next, use sharp manicure scissors or nail clippers to keep your nails trimmed. If your nails are short, they won’t be able to harbor any debris or bacteria.
Talk to your doctor if you notice a change in nail color, curling nails, bleeding, or a separation of the nail from the surrounding skin. This could be a sign of a fungal infection.
2. Smelling Clean
2-1. Use deodorant.
Apply deodorant every morning to eliminate underarm odors. You can either buy a stick of deodorant or a can of aerosol deodorant. Additionally, choose an antiperspirant deodorant to help control excessive sweating.
Some people believe that deodorant can cause cancer. However, researchers haven’t found any evidence supporting this claim.
2-2. Eliminate shoe odor.
Wear socks with your shoes whenever possible to reduce the buildup of sweat and bacteria. If you can’t wear socks with your shoes, clean your feet before wearing them. If your shoes still stink, dust the inside of the shoes with baking soda and let them sit overnight. This will help kill the bacteria that causes bad smells.
If your feet smell bad even if you haven’t been wearing shoes, you may have a foot fungus. Talk to your doctor for a diagnosis and to learn about treatment methods.
2-3. Wear clean clothes.
If you wear dirty clothes, you won’t smell clean. In fact, sometimes an item of clothing will smell clean to you but dirty to other people. Play it safe and only wear clean clothing. When washing your clothes, follow the washing instructions on the tag.
Wash underwear, shirts, socks, and swimsuits after wearing them once.
Wash bras and outer clothing such as sweaters or dress shirts every 2-3 wears.
Wash jeans and pants every 3-4 wears.
If you sweat a lot in your clothing, wash it after wearing it.
3. Tidying Your Home
3-1. Make your bed every morning.
If your bed is messy and unkept, your room will look dirty. However, if your bed is neatly made, your room will look much tidier. Make this a habit by making your bed every morning when you wake up.
Wash your bedding every one or two weeks. If you sweat a lot while you sleep, you may need to wash it more frequently.
3-2. Keep your kitchen counters clean.
If your kitchen counters get cluttered and dirty, your whole kitchen will look dirty. First, clear away any ingredients or tools immediately after you use them. Next, wipe the counters down with a damp paper towel to remove any food debris from the surface.
Don’t let liquids or wet foods dry onto the counter. They are harder to clean and may damage the counter’s finish.
3-3. Clean your bathroom.
A dirty bathroom can harbor bacteria and make your whole home feel dirty. First, clear away any makeup or hair product clutter. Next, wipe down all of the surfaces with a disinfectant cleaner and a paper towel. If necessary, scrub the toilet with a toilet scrubber. Clean your shower with white vinegar or specialized bathtub cleaners.
Hang wet towels up to dry after you use them. If you don’t, they will make your bathroom smell like mildew.
Wash your towels every three to four uses.
3-4. Arrange clutter into neat piles.
If you have a stack of bills by the door or a pile of books next to the bed, you can arrange them into a neat pile. A neat pile will instantly make the room look much more organized.
While you’re tidying the stack of clutter, see if there’s anything you can throw away or donate. The less clutter you have, the easier it is to clean your house.
4. Keeping Your Home Clean
4-1. Build good cleaning habits.
Many people feel like they can’t keep their home clean. However, if you have good cleaning habits, your home practically cleans itself. For example, if you take something out, put it away immediately after using it to reduce any clutter. Other examples include:
Putting dirty dishes straight into the dishwasher after using them
Taking out the trash every night
Putting dirty clothes straight into the clothes hamper
4-2. Clean a little bit every day.
You don’t have to dedicate a whole day to cleaning your home. Instead, clean for thirty minutes or so every day. This will spread the work out over the week, breaking harder jobs into manageable chunks. If possible, create a routine. For example:
Spend ten minutes cleaning after breakfast every day.
Set a timer for thirty minutes each evening and clean until it goes off.
While your coffee brews in the mornings, tidy up your kitchen.
4-3. Create a deep-cleaning schedule.
Many larger cleaning jobs, such as vacuuming and mopping, can be spread out over the course of a month. There are many deep-cleaning schedules available online that can be tailored to a variety of homes and apartments. For example:
If you have a lot of carpets, choose a schedule that asks you to vacuum them every few weeks.
A good schedule should include weekly dusting to keep the surfaces in your home clean.
Any tile in your home should be mopped or scrubbed once a week.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:28",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Practicing Good Hygiene\\n1-1. Bathe yourself daily.\\nRegular bathing kills the bacteria that causes body odor and clears away any visible dirt on your skin. Wash yourself once a day with warm water, a washcloth or loofah, and gentle soap. Choose soaps that advertise as fragrance-free or are suitable for sensitive skin to reduce any dryness or irritation.\\nAlways shower after exercising or sweating, even if you’ve already showered that day.\\nSome people find that shaving their underarms while showering helps reduce body odor.\\n1-2. Take care of your hair.\\nBrush your hair at least once a day to remove dandruff and distribute your hair’s natural oils. Additionally, only wash your hair 2-3 times a week, using a hairband or shower cap to keep your hair dry while you bathe. This will help your hair stay soft and healthy. Choose a shampoo that addresses any hair concerns you have. For example:\\nTreat dandruff with dandruff shampoos.\\nIf your hair is dry and brittle, choose a gentle, conditioning shampoo.\\nIf your color your hair, use a color safe, sulfite-free shampoo.\\n1-3. Keep your mouth healthy.\\nBrush your teeth at least twice a day with a fluoride toothpaste. This will remove plaque and food debris that cause bad breath and cavities. Additionally, floss your teeth once a day to keep your gums healthy.\\nReplace your toothbrush every three to four months to avoid a buildup of harmful bacteria.\\n1-4. Groom your nails.\\nKeep your nails clean and trimmed to avoid nail funguses or bacteria buildup. Wash your hands often, paying special attention to remove any dirt under the nail bed. Next, use sharp manicure scissors or nail clippers to keep your nails trimmed. If your nails are short, they won’t be able to harbor any debris or bacteria.\\nTalk to your doctor if you notice a change in nail color, curling nails, bleeding, or a separation of the nail from the surrounding skin. This could be a sign of a fungal infection.\\n2. Smelling Clean\\n2-1. Use deodorant.\\nApply deodorant every morning to eliminate underarm odors. You can either buy a stick of deodorant or a can of aerosol deodorant. Additionally, choose an antiperspirant deodorant to help control excessive sweating.\\nSome people believe that deodorant can cause cancer. However, researchers haven’t found any evidence supporting this claim.\\n2-2. Eliminate shoe odor.\\nWear socks with your shoes whenever possible to reduce the buildup of sweat and bacteria. If you can’t wear socks with your shoes, clean your feet before wearing them. If your shoes still stink, dust the inside of the shoes with baking soda and let them sit overnight. This will help kill the bacteria that causes bad smells.\\nIf your feet smell bad even if you haven’t been wearing shoes, you may have a foot fungus. Talk to your doctor for a diagnosis and to learn about treatment methods.\\n2-3. Wear clean clothes.\\nIf you wear dirty clothes, you won’t smell clean. In fact, sometimes an item of clothing will smell clean to you but dirty to other people. Play it safe and only wear clean clothing. When washing your clothes, follow the washing instructions on the tag.\\nWash underwear, shirts, socks, and swimsuits after wearing them once.\\nWash bras and outer clothing such as sweaters or dress shirts every 2-3 wears.\\nWash jeans and pants every 3-4 wears.\\nIf you sweat a lot in your clothing, wash it after wearing it.\\n3. Tidying Your Home\\n3-1. Make your bed every morning.\\nIf your bed is messy and unkept, your room will look dirty. However, if your bed is neatly made, your room will look much tidier. Make this a habit by making your bed every morning when you wake up.\\nWash your bedding every one or two weeks. If you sweat a lot while you sleep, you may need to wash it more frequently.\\n3-2. Keep your kitchen counters clean.\\nIf your kitchen counters get cluttered and dirty, your whole kitchen will look dirty. First, clear away any ingredients or tools immediately after you use them. Next, wipe the counters down with a damp paper towel to remove any food debris from the surface.\\nDon’t let liquids or wet foods dry onto the counter. They are harder to clean and may damage the counter’s finish.\\n3-3. Clean your bathroom.\\nA dirty bathroom can harbor bacteria and make your whole home feel dirty. First, clear away any makeup or hair product clutter. Next, wipe down all of the surfaces with a disinfectant cleaner and a paper towel. If necessary, scrub the toilet with a toilet scrubber. Clean your shower with white vinegar or specialized bathtub cleaners.\\nHang wet towels up to dry after you use them. If you don’t, they will make your bathroom smell like mildew.\\nWash your towels every three to four uses.\\n3-4. Arrange clutter into neat piles.\\nIf you have a stack of bills by the door or a pile of books next to the bed, you can arrange them into a neat pile. A neat pile will instantly make the room look much more organized.\\nWhile you’re tidying the stack of clutter, see if there’s anything you can throw away or donate. The less clutter you have, the easier it is to clean your house.\\n4. Keeping Your Home Clean\\n4-1. Build good cleaning habits.\\nMany people feel like they can’t keep their home clean. However, if you have good cleaning habits, your home practically cleans itself. For example, if you take something out, put it away immediately after using it to reduce any clutter. Other examples include:\\nPutting dirty dishes straight into the dishwasher after using them\\nTaking out the trash every night\\nPutting dirty clothes straight into the clothes hamper\\n4-2. Clean a little bit every day.\\nYou don’t have to dedicate a whole day to cleaning your home. Instead, clean for thirty minutes or so every day. This will spread the work out over the week, breaking harder jobs into manageable chunks. If possible, create a routine. For example:\\nSpend ten minutes cleaning after breakfast every day.\\nSet a timer for thirty minutes each evening and clean until it goes off.\\nWhile your coffee brews in the mornings, tidy up your kitchen.\\n4-3. Create a deep-cleaning schedule.\\nMany larger cleaning jobs, such as vacuuming and mopping, can be spread out over the course of a month. There are many deep-cleaning schedules available online that can be tailored to a variety of homes and apartments. For example:\\nIf you have a lot of carpets, choose a schedule that asks you to vacuum them every few weeks.\\nA good schedule should include weekly dusting to keep the surfaces in your home clean.\\nAny tile in your home should be mopped or scrubbed once a week.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"If you want to be a clean person, you need to dedicate some time every day to maintaining your hygiene, clothes, and home. First, practice good hygiene by showering often and brushing your teeth twice a day. Next, make sure you smell clean by wearing deodorant and washing your clothes when they’re dirty (almost everyday, use laundry detergent and bleach for whites). Finally, keep your home clean by developing good habits and maintaining a cleaning schedule.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Practicing Good Hygiene\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Bathe yourself daily.\", \"描述\": \"Regular bathing kills the bacteria that causes body odor and clears away any visible dirt on your skin. Wash yourself once a day with warm water, a washcloth or loofah, and gentle soap. Choose soaps that advertise as fragrance-free or are suitable for sensitive skin to reduce any dryness or irritation.\\nAlways shower after exercising or sweating, even if you’ve already showered that day.\\nSome people find that shaving their underarms while showering helps reduce body odor.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Take care of your hair.\", \"描述\": \"Brush your hair at least once a day to remove dandruff and distribute your hair’s natural oils. Additionally, only wash your hair 2-3 times a week, using a hairband or shower cap to keep your hair dry while you bathe. This will help your hair stay soft and healthy. Choose a shampoo that addresses any hair concerns you have. For example:\\nTreat dandruff with dandruff shampoos.\\nIf your hair is dry and brittle, choose a gentle, conditioning shampoo.\\nIf your color your hair, use a color safe, sulfite-free shampoo.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Keep your mouth healthy.\", \"描述\": \"Brush your teeth at least twice a day with a fluoride toothpaste. This will remove plaque and food debris that cause bad breath and cavities. Additionally, floss your teeth once a day to keep your gums healthy.\\nReplace your toothbrush every three to four months to avoid a buildup of harmful bacteria.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Groom your nails.\", \"描述\": \"Keep your nails clean and trimmed to avoid nail funguses or bacteria buildup. Wash your hands often, paying special attention to remove any dirt under the nail bed. Next, use sharp manicure scissors or nail clippers to keep your nails trimmed. If your nails are short, they won’t be able to harbor any debris or bacteria.\\nTalk to your doctor if you notice a change in nail color, curling nails, bleeding, or a separation of the nail from the surrounding skin. This could be a sign of a fungal infection.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Smelling Clean\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Use deodorant.\", \"描述\": \"Apply deodorant every morning to eliminate underarm odors. You can either buy a stick of deodorant or a can of aerosol deodorant. Additionally, choose an antiperspirant deodorant to help control excessive sweating.\\nSome people believe that deodorant can cause cancer. However, researchers haven’t found any evidence supporting this claim.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Eliminate shoe odor.\", \"描述\": \"Wear socks with your shoes whenever possible to reduce the buildup of sweat and bacteria. If you can’t wear socks with your shoes, clean your feet before wearing them. If your shoes still stink, dust the inside of the shoes with baking soda and let them sit overnight. This will help kill the bacteria that causes bad smells.\\nIf your feet smell bad even if you haven’t been wearing shoes, you may have a foot fungus. Talk to your doctor for a diagnosis and to learn about treatment methods.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Wear clean clothes.\", \"描述\": \"If you wear dirty clothes, you won’t smell clean. In fact, sometimes an item of clothing will smell clean to you but dirty to other people. Play it safe and only wear clean clothing. When washing your clothes, follow the washing instructions on the tag.\\nWash underwear, shirts, socks, and swimsuits after wearing them once.\\nWash bras and outer clothing such as sweaters or dress shirts every 2-3 wears.\\nWash jeans and pants every 3-4 wears.\\nIf you sweat a lot in your clothing, wash it after wearing it.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Tidying Your Home\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make your bed every morning.\", \"描述\": \"If your bed is messy and unkept, your room will look dirty. However, if your bed is neatly made, your room will look much tidier. Make this a habit by making your bed every morning when you wake up.\\nWash your bedding every one or two weeks. If you sweat a lot while you sleep, you may need to wash it more frequently.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Keep your kitchen counters clean.\", \"描述\": \"If your kitchen counters get cluttered and dirty, your whole kitchen will look dirty. First, clear away any ingredients or tools immediately after you use them. Next, wipe the counters down with a damp paper towel to remove any food debris from the surface.\\nDon’t let liquids or wet foods dry onto the counter. They are harder to clean and may damage the counter’s finish.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Clean your bathroom.\", \"描述\": \"A dirty bathroom can harbor bacteria and make your whole home feel dirty. First, clear away any makeup or hair product clutter. Next, wipe down all of the surfaces with a disinfectant cleaner and a paper towel. If necessary, scrub the toilet with a toilet scrubber. Clean your shower with white vinegar or specialized bathtub cleaners.\\nHang wet towels up to dry after you use them. If you don’t, they will make your bathroom smell like mildew.\\nWash your towels every three to four uses.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Arrange clutter into neat piles.\", \"描述\": \"If you have a stack of bills by the door or a pile of books next to the bed, you can arrange them into a neat pile. A neat pile will instantly make the room look much more organized.\\nWhile you’re tidying the stack of clutter, see if there’s anything you can throw away or donate. The less clutter you have, the easier it is to clean your house.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Keeping Your Home Clean\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Build good cleaning habits.\", \"描述\": \"Many people feel like they can’t keep their home clean. However, if you have good cleaning habits, your home practically cleans itself. For example, if you take something out, put it away immediately after using it to reduce any clutter. Other examples include:\\nPutting dirty dishes straight into the dishwasher after using them\\nTaking out the trash every night\\nPutting dirty clothes straight into the clothes hamper\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Clean a little bit every day.\", \"描述\": \"You don’t have to dedicate a whole day to cleaning your home. Instead, clean for thirty minutes or so every day. This will spread the work out over the week, breaking harder jobs into manageable chunks. If possible, create a routine. For example:\\nSpend ten minutes cleaning after breakfast every day.\\nSet a timer for thirty minutes each evening and clean until it goes off.\\nWhile your coffee brews in the mornings, tidy up your kitchen.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Create a deep-cleaning schedule.\", \"描述\": \"Many larger cleaning jobs, such as vacuuming and mopping, can be spread out over the course of a month. There are many deep-cleaning schedules available online that can be tailored to a variety of homes and apartments. For example:\\nIf you have a lot of carpets, choose a schedule that asks you to vacuum them every few weeks.\\nA good schedule should include weekly dusting to keep the surfaces in your home clean.\\nAny tile in your home should be mopped or scrubbed once a week.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,605 | How to Be Clever | 1. Appearing Clever in the Moment
1-1. Speak last.
If you wait during a conversation and listen to the different participants, before you jump into the fray, you'll appear more clever, simply because you've had more time to listen to different opinions and sides and evaluate these opinions before giving your own.
For example: say you're conversation with your cousin Bob, your aunt Milly, and your sister, Sarah, about the best way to baste a turkey. Let the other three hash it out for a bit while you listen, and evaluate the effectiveness of each side of the argument. Then, slip in your own idea for basting the turkey, once the argument is winding down. Make sure that it's different than the other three; if you do agree with one of the others, possibly Aunt Milly, offer up a more convincing argument than she has, or give a reason for that option that the others might not have considered.
This is also a great way to avoid looking the opposite of clever, by not just opening your mouth first and saying whatever comes into your head.
Often the person who speaks last is less likely to simply point out the obvious, or regurgitate facts. Instead they usually come up with something more creative, or more original, which people are more likely to remember.
1-2. Have some "pocket" facts.
These are the types of facts that you can whip out during an argument that support whatever claim you're making. Chances are you're not going to be able to have facts for every single argument you might potentially get into, so pick the ones that are most important to you.
For example: if you're really passionate about global climate change, you might make sure to have statistics memorized that look at the difference between weather and climate, that show what has changed so swiftly in the past few years (and how that is linked to things like carbon dioxide), and how this is different than the slower, more long-term climate change that happens without the help of human practices.
It's really good to gather some facts (real facts) for things that everyone assumes are true. Blowing assumptions out of the water can make you appear very clever.
1-3. Learn the appropriate lingo.
Every single group or workplace has lingo that goes along with it. This can come in the form of acronyms, or abbreviations, or even nicknames for certain things. Learning these for the places that you are, and the places that you visit, will help make you seem knowledgeable.
For example: in fly-fishing there are tons of different words and phrases that you have to learn when you're a beginner. Not knowing terms like "cast" (the motion you make when you throw the rod, reel, and line back and forth) or a "lie" (the areas in a river or lake where the fish tend to be) will make you seem like you don't know what you're doing, the opposite of clever.
If you don't know the lingo someone is using, pay attention to the context of the word or words. You can usually figure out the basic meaning from that. Otherwise, ask someone in private, so that everyone doesn't end up knowing that you don't understand everything they're saying.
1-4. Be persuasive.
Oftentimes persuasiveness and cleverness are linked in people's minds. Doing the one will make people correlate it with the other. Having your "pocket" facts and speaking last can help you be persuasive, but so can a few other things. Remember that persuasion is basically getting people to do something that is in their best interest (unlike manipulation) while also benefiting you.
Context and timing are very important parts of being persuasive. As an example: don't try to ask your sister for money help with your parents right when she's lost her job. She'll be more concerned about money and needing money. Instead, wait until she's found a new job, or if she's just gotten a raise.
Speak clearly and concisely. The more clearly and quickly you put a problem to someone, the more likely they are to understand exactly what it is you're asking them to do and the more likely they are to help you out. People tend to prefer a straightforward tactic rather than beating about the bush.
Avoid jargon (special words and expressions used by a particular group that make it difficult for others to understand them; i.e. law jargon). People won't listen to you if they can't understand what you're saying and it won't make you look clever, if you can't get your point across. Unless you're speaking to people who understand the same technical terms as you, don't use them.
1-5. Offer simple solutions.
So many times a problem doesn't need a complex solution. While this may seem counter-intuitive, the simplest solution is often the most useful one, as well as the one that others tend not to think of. Humans seem bent on finding the most difficult and complex way to do things. Not falling into that trap will make you stand out.
Often a good question to ask when looking for a solution is: What can you do less of? Usually that can help weed on some of the less productive options.
Also, ask yourself and others specific questions. If you're trying to build better time management, don't ask "how can we build better time management?" The question is too big, and you'll usually get answers that are too big, as well. A better question might be "What tools might help make us work more quickly" or "If we spent 2 hours on a particular project instead of 4 hours, how might we work more quickly to achieve the same results?"
1-6. Be confident
By being confident about yourself and your work, you'll present as cleverer than someone who is very smart and intelligent, but not confident. People tend to believe in confidence, even when there isn't that much to back it up. Present as confident and the cleverness will follow.
Use your body language to trick your brain into thinking it is confident, even if you aren't actually feeling that way. Stand tall and upright. Walk with a confident stride, like you belong wherever you are. Maintain open body language. Don't cross your arms across your chest, or refuse to look people in the eye.
Think positively or neutrally about yourself. If a thought like "I am a loser" or "I am stupid" comes into your head, acknowledge the thought and think "I am thinking I am a loser, but just last week I got the coveted worker of the year award, or I have a really good job."
Don't compare yourself to other people. For example: don't get into a cleverness competition with other people and start comparing your cleverness with their cleverness. Intelligence isn't a competition and by turning it into one, you're only going to feel worse about yourself as you irritate and drive away other people with your need to be "the best."
2. Building Your Skills
2-1. Don't always go by the book.
It's good to know how to do things in the typical ways, especially so then you can subvert that thinking. By doing things in a way other people don't expect you'll demonstrate that you can think on your feet. That is one way people seem to judge cleverness.
For example: if your professor gives you an essay assignment, ask them if you could do a creative option. Demonstrate how your option fulfills the requirements while going above and beyond. (If you're taking a class on short stories, ask if you could try your hand at writing a short story of your own using what you've learned in class, and write a follow-up piece examining your own work.)
This is also about doing the unexpected. If you always go by the rules or do things exactly as you learned them it doesn't mean you're not smart, it simply means that people aren't going to see you as clever. So, don't rely on your particular intelligence and typical ways of doing things.
2-2. Think outside the box.
This step ties into not always going by the book, because a lot times you'll need to think outside the box to do that. To be clever you will need to come up with creative solutions to problems.
Re-conceptualize the problem. One thing that people who use creative solutions do effectively, is to re-imagine a problem. To practice this skill, take an obvious choice (like writing a plain old essay) and re-imagine how else you might approach the essay so that you still get the same information across, but in a different, more engaging way (telling a story orally, creating a collage or painting).
Daydream. It turns out that daydreaming is actually incredibly beneficial to boosting creative problem-solving. The process of daydreaming helps you to form connections and recall information. This is why a lot of your best ideas may come out during the shower or right before you go to bed. If you're having difficulty with something, take a little time out to daydream. Chances are, by relaxing and letting your brain roam free, you'll come up with something creative that works.
Brainstorming is another great way to foster creativity, especially in a group. Present the problem and have people give whatever ideas come into their head without passing judgement on these ideas. Have people add to the ideas as they come. You can do this on your own too, as long as you make sure to keep judgment out of the process.
Thinking outside of the box ultimately requires curiosity rather than judgment. Curiosity leads to open-mindedness, which allows you to imagine various alternatives.
2-3. Consider the worst that could happen.
Fear is one of the biggest obstacles to creative thinking, which is one big aspect of cleverness. The more creative and workable your solutions and ideas, the more people will believe in your abilities.
Ask yourself things like: what happens if you lose your job? what if you lose your best customer? what if you fail your class? what if the publisher doesn't buy your book? The answer to any of these questions can either free you up from fear, or it can show where you need to work on your solutions, which in turn will open up opportunities and further ideas.
When you're coming up with ideas and potential solutions, don't open them up for criticism until they're more formed. Criticism and the fear of criticism can be a big creativity killer, which can kill your cleverness, too. When you're out of the brainstorming stage and better able to evaluate the ideas, that's when you get feedback and take criticism.
2-4. Set parameters.
Having problems and opportunities that are ill-defined and super vague can make it incredibly difficult to come up with punchy or creative solutions and ideas. Even if issues and things you need to deal with come to you without parameters, set some for yourself.
Setting "imaginary" or "pretend" parameters can foster your ideas. For example, if you're working on a project for work pretend that you're out of money, how do you accomplish your task without it? Pretend you can't follow the rules, written or unwritten, how would you do things different? Pretend there's a fast time limit on coming up with your solution (say a 5 minute time limit)? What can you come up with in that short period of time?
For example, Dr. Seuss wrote Green Eggs and Ham because of a challenge from his editor to come up with a full book in under 50 different words. That restriction helped him come up with one of the best known Dr. Seuss books.
3. Continuing to Learn
3-1. Study clever people.
Don't assume that you've reached a pinnacle of cleverness. There is no such thing. You'll need to constantly be learning, and a good way to do that is to study people who you or others find to be clever.
Ask yourself what makes them seem clever: do they have a pithy comment about everything? Are they able to come up with facts and figures on the spot? Do they present creative solutions?
Pick out some of the biggest traits of the clever people you know or observe and incorporate them into your own work and life.
3-2. Keep up-to-date on world events.
A lot of people who are considered to be clever, are good at keeping abreast of the latest developments in the world. They pay attention to what's happening and can talk knowledgeably (or appear to talk knowledgeably) about news and current affairs.
try to get multiple points of view, so you aren't just getting information from one source. For example: instead of only getting news from Fox news, check out other news stations, as well. Research the information, statistics, and "facts" that each news station (on the internet, on the radio, on the t.v., in print) presents. This will give a better, more balanced view, and help you to discuss the news in a more knowledgeable way.
3-3. Embark on wordplay.
Words and the way they act together can make you sound more clever, because words are so important to communication. Wordplay includes things like puns, cryptograms, and simply using language in a way that opens up sensory details that other people might not have noticed.
Practice describing things in unusual ways, and focus on the aspects that people might normally ignore. For example: describing fire as like silk, or coming up with a way to describe the sound of the waves on the shore.
Slip the occasional alliteration or pun into your words. Practice noticing them in other people's speech and pointing them out.
3-4. Remember information
One way to seem clever is to practice memorizing facts and information (like the "pocket facts"), so that you're able to recall them with ease. Fortunately there are techniques you can learn to make fact recall easier.
Pay attention to information the first time around. Make sure that you're getting the right information. You never actually lose information (except in cases of illness or injury), so you want to make sure that the information you're putting in is actually correct.
Write things down several times. Writing down facts or information you want to remember helps you to recall it more easily and makes it stick in your brain, in a manner of speaking. The more you practice writing something down, the easier it will be to remember.
Choose carefully. Sherlock Holmes once said that his mind was like an attic. Instead of storing everything you come across, right or wrong, pick the facts and information that interest you and will serve you well.
Try to put your hand up in class.
Tips
Remember, in the end, most people are more concerned with themselves than they are with you. If you take an interest in them, they are more likely to consider you smart, insightful, and clever, as well as kind. Simple ask people questions about themselves and don't immediately jump in with your own opinions and stories.[10]
X
Research source
If anyone else in class needs help, try to help them.
Warnings
For some reason sarcasm and the appearance of cleverness often go hand in hand. Unless you're really looking to irritate people with your "cleverness", using sarcasm is usually not the route you want to go.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:28",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Appearing Clever in the Moment\\n1-1. Speak last.\\nIf you wait during a conversation and listen to the different participants, before you jump into the fray, you'll appear more clever, simply because you've had more time to listen to different opinions and sides and evaluate these opinions before giving your own.\\nFor example: say you're conversation with your cousin Bob, your aunt Milly, and your sister, Sarah, about the best way to baste a turkey. Let the other three hash it out for a bit while you listen, and evaluate the effectiveness of each side of the argument. Then, slip in your own idea for basting the turkey, once the argument is winding down. Make sure that it's different than the other three; if you do agree with one of the others, possibly Aunt Milly, offer up a more convincing argument than she has, or give a reason for that option that the others might not have considered.\\nThis is also a great way to avoid looking the opposite of clever, by not just opening your mouth first and saying whatever comes into your head.\\nOften the person who speaks last is less likely to simply point out the obvious, or regurgitate facts. Instead they usually come up with something more creative, or more original, which people are more likely to remember.\\n1-2. Have some \\\"pocket\\\" facts.\\nThese are the types of facts that you can whip out during an argument that support whatever claim you're making. Chances are you're not going to be able to have facts for every single argument you might potentially get into, so pick the ones that are most important to you.\\nFor example: if you're really passionate about global climate change, you might make sure to have statistics memorized that look at the difference between weather and climate, that show what has changed so swiftly in the past few years (and how that is linked to things like carbon dioxide), and how this is different than the slower, more long-term climate change that happens without the help of human practices.\\nIt's really good to gather some facts (real facts) for things that everyone assumes are true. Blowing assumptions out of the water can make you appear very clever.\\n1-3. Learn the appropriate lingo.\\nEvery single group or workplace has lingo that goes along with it. This can come in the form of acronyms, or abbreviations, or even nicknames for certain things. Learning these for the places that you are, and the places that you visit, will help make you seem knowledgeable.\\nFor example: in fly-fishing there are tons of different words and phrases that you have to learn when you're a beginner. Not knowing terms like \\\"cast\\\" (the motion you make when you throw the rod, reel, and line back and forth) or a \\\"lie\\\" (the areas in a river or lake where the fish tend to be) will make you seem like you don't know what you're doing, the opposite of clever.\\nIf you don't know the lingo someone is using, pay attention to the context of the word or words. You can usually figure out the basic meaning from that. Otherwise, ask someone in private, so that everyone doesn't end up knowing that you don't understand everything they're saying.\\n1-4. Be persuasive.\\nOftentimes persuasiveness and cleverness are linked in people's minds. Doing the one will make people correlate it with the other. Having your \\\"pocket\\\" facts and speaking last can help you be persuasive, but so can a few other things. Remember that persuasion is basically getting people to do something that is in their best interest (unlike manipulation) while also benefiting you.\\nContext and timing are very important parts of being persuasive. As an example: don't try to ask your sister for money help with your parents right when she's lost her job. She'll be more concerned about money and needing money. Instead, wait until she's found a new job, or if she's just gotten a raise.\\nSpeak clearly and concisely. The more clearly and quickly you put a problem to someone, the more likely they are to understand exactly what it is you're asking them to do and the more likely they are to help you out. People tend to prefer a straightforward tactic rather than beating about the bush.\\nAvoid jargon (special words and expressions used by a particular group that make it difficult for others to understand them; i.e. law jargon). People won't listen to you if they can't understand what you're saying and it won't make you look clever, if you can't get your point across. Unless you're speaking to people who understand the same technical terms as you, don't use them.\\n1-5. Offer simple solutions.\\nSo many times a problem doesn't need a complex solution. While this may seem counter-intuitive, the simplest solution is often the most useful one, as well as the one that others tend not to think of. Humans seem bent on finding the most difficult and complex way to do things. Not falling into that trap will make you stand out.\\nOften a good question to ask when looking for a solution is: What can you do less of? Usually that can help weed on some of the less productive options.\\nAlso, ask yourself and others specific questions. If you're trying to build better time management, don't ask \\\"how can we build better time management?\\\" The question is too big, and you'll usually get answers that are too big, as well. A better question might be \\\"What tools might help make us work more quickly\\\" or \\\"If we spent 2 hours on a particular project instead of 4 hours, how might we work more quickly to achieve the same results?\\\"\\n1-6. Be confident\\nBy being confident about yourself and your work, you'll present as cleverer than someone who is very smart and intelligent, but not confident. People tend to believe in confidence, even when there isn't that much to back it up. Present as confident and the cleverness will follow.\\nUse your body language to trick your brain into thinking it is confident, even if you aren't actually feeling that way. Stand tall and upright. Walk with a confident stride, like you belong wherever you are. Maintain open body language. Don't cross your arms across your chest, or refuse to look people in the eye.\\nThink positively or neutrally about yourself. If a thought like \\\"I am a loser\\\" or \\\"I am stupid\\\" comes into your head, acknowledge the thought and think \\\"I am thinking I am a loser, but just last week I got the coveted worker of the year award, or I have a really good job.\\\"\\nDon't compare yourself to other people. For example: don't get into a cleverness competition with other people and start comparing your cleverness with their cleverness. Intelligence isn't a competition and by turning it into one, you're only going to feel worse about yourself as you irritate and drive away other people with your need to be \\\"the best.\\\"\\n2. Building Your Skills\\n2-1. Don't always go by the book.\\nIt's good to know how to do things in the typical ways, especially so then you can subvert that thinking. By doing things in a way other people don't expect you'll demonstrate that you can think on your feet. That is one way people seem to judge cleverness.\\nFor example: if your professor gives you an essay assignment, ask them if you could do a creative option. Demonstrate how your option fulfills the requirements while going above and beyond. (If you're taking a class on short stories, ask if you could try your hand at writing a short story of your own using what you've learned in class, and write a follow-up piece examining your own work.)\\nThis is also about doing the unexpected. If you always go by the rules or do things exactly as you learned them it doesn't mean you're not smart, it simply means that people aren't going to see you as clever. So, don't rely on your particular intelligence and typical ways of doing things.\\n2-2. Think outside the box.\\nThis step ties into not always going by the book, because a lot times you'll need to think outside the box to do that. To be clever you will need to come up with creative solutions to problems.\\nRe-conceptualize the problem. One thing that people who use creative solutions do effectively, is to re-imagine a problem. To practice this skill, take an obvious choice (like writing a plain old essay) and re-imagine how else you might approach the essay so that you still get the same information across, but in a different, more engaging way (telling a story orally, creating a collage or painting).\\nDaydream. It turns out that daydreaming is actually incredibly beneficial to boosting creative problem-solving. The process of daydreaming helps you to form connections and recall information. This is why a lot of your best ideas may come out during the shower or right before you go to bed. If you're having difficulty with something, take a little time out to daydream. Chances are, by relaxing and letting your brain roam free, you'll come up with something creative that works.\\nBrainstorming is another great way to foster creativity, especially in a group. Present the problem and have people give whatever ideas come into their head without passing judgement on these ideas. Have people add to the ideas as they come. You can do this on your own too, as long as you make sure to keep judgment out of the process.\\nThinking outside of the box ultimately requires curiosity rather than judgment. Curiosity leads to open-mindedness, which allows you to imagine various alternatives.\\n2-3. Consider the worst that could happen.\\nFear is one of the biggest obstacles to creative thinking, which is one big aspect of cleverness. The more creative and workable your solutions and ideas, the more people will believe in your abilities.\\nAsk yourself things like: what happens if you lose your job? what if you lose your best customer? what if you fail your class? what if the publisher doesn't buy your book? The answer to any of these questions can either free you up from fear, or it can show where you need to work on your solutions, which in turn will open up opportunities and further ideas.\\nWhen you're coming up with ideas and potential solutions, don't open them up for criticism until they're more formed. Criticism and the fear of criticism can be a big creativity killer, which can kill your cleverness, too. When you're out of the brainstorming stage and better able to evaluate the ideas, that's when you get feedback and take criticism.\\n2-4. Set parameters.\\nHaving problems and opportunities that are ill-defined and super vague can make it incredibly difficult to come up with punchy or creative solutions and ideas. Even if issues and things you need to deal with come to you without parameters, set some for yourself.\\nSetting \\\"imaginary\\\" or \\\"pretend\\\" parameters can foster your ideas. For example, if you're working on a project for work pretend that you're out of money, how do you accomplish your task without it? Pretend you can't follow the rules, written or unwritten, how would you do things different? Pretend there's a fast time limit on coming up with your solution (say a 5 minute time limit)? What can you come up with in that short period of time?\\nFor example, Dr. Seuss wrote Green Eggs and Ham because of a challenge from his editor to come up with a full book in under 50 different words. That restriction helped him come up with one of the best known Dr. Seuss books.\\n3. Continuing to Learn\\n3-1. Study clever people.\\nDon't assume that you've reached a pinnacle of cleverness. There is no such thing. You'll need to constantly be learning, and a good way to do that is to study people who you or others find to be clever.\\nAsk yourself what makes them seem clever: do they have a pithy comment about everything? Are they able to come up with facts and figures on the spot? Do they present creative solutions?\\nPick out some of the biggest traits of the clever people you know or observe and incorporate them into your own work and life.\\n3-2. Keep up-to-date on world events.\\nA lot of people who are considered to be clever, are good at keeping abreast of the latest developments in the world. They pay attention to what's happening and can talk knowledgeably (or appear to talk knowledgeably) about news and current affairs.\\ntry to get multiple points of view, so you aren't just getting information from one source. For example: instead of only getting news from Fox news, check out other news stations, as well. Research the information, statistics, and \\\"facts\\\" that each news station (on the internet, on the radio, on the t.v., in print) presents. This will give a better, more balanced view, and help you to discuss the news in a more knowledgeable way.\\n3-3. Embark on wordplay.\\nWords and the way they act together can make you sound more clever, because words are so important to communication. Wordplay includes things like puns, cryptograms, and simply using language in a way that opens up sensory details that other people might not have noticed.\\nPractice describing things in unusual ways, and focus on the aspects that people might normally ignore. For example: describing fire as like silk, or coming up with a way to describe the sound of the waves on the shore.\\nSlip the occasional alliteration or pun into your words. Practice noticing them in other people's speech and pointing them out.\\n3-4. Remember information\\nOne way to seem clever is to practice memorizing facts and information (like the \\\"pocket facts\\\"), so that you're able to recall them with ease. Fortunately there are techniques you can learn to make fact recall easier.\\nPay attention to information the first time around. Make sure that you're getting the right information. You never actually lose information (except in cases of illness or injury), so you want to make sure that the information you're putting in is actually correct.\\nWrite things down several times. Writing down facts or information you want to remember helps you to recall it more easily and makes it stick in your brain, in a manner of speaking. The more you practice writing something down, the easier it will be to remember.\\nChoose carefully. Sherlock Holmes once said that his mind was like an attic. Instead of storing everything you come across, right or wrong, pick the facts and information that interest you and will serve you well.\\nTry to put your hand up in class.\\nTips\\nRemember, in the end, most people are more concerned with themselves than they are with you. If you take an interest in them, they are more likely to consider you smart, insightful, and clever, as well as kind. Simple ask people questions about themselves and don't immediately jump in with your own opinions and stories.[10]\\nX\\nResearch source\\nIf anyone else in class needs help, try to help them.\\nWarnings\\nFor some reason sarcasm and the appearance of cleverness often go hand in hand. Unless you're really looking to irritate people with your \\\"cleverness\\\", using sarcasm is usually not the route you want to go.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being clever, though linked to intelligence, isn't quite the same thing. Cleverness is often how you come across to other people, how quick you are at analyzing and acting in situations, and how clever or creative your ideas are. The Greek hero Odysseus was considered clever (he told the Cyclops Polyphemus that his name was Nobody, so Polyphemus wouldn't be able to tell anyone who blinded him). You might not defeat any mythical creatures, but cleverness is a learned trait, which you, too, can work on developing.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Appearing Clever in the Moment\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Speak last.\", \"描述\": \"If you wait during a conversation and listen to the different participants, before you jump into the fray, you'll appear more clever, simply because you've had more time to listen to different opinions and sides and evaluate these opinions before giving your own.\\nFor example: say you're conversation with your cousin Bob, your aunt Milly, and your sister, Sarah, about the best way to baste a turkey. Let the other three hash it out for a bit while you listen, and evaluate the effectiveness of each side of the argument. Then, slip in your own idea for basting the turkey, once the argument is winding down. Make sure that it's different than the other three; if you do agree with one of the others, possibly Aunt Milly, offer up a more convincing argument than she has, or give a reason for that option that the others might not have considered.\\nThis is also a great way to avoid looking the opposite of clever, by not just opening your mouth first and saying whatever comes into your head.\\nOften the person who speaks last is less likely to simply point out the obvious, or regurgitate facts. Instead they usually come up with something more creative, or more original, which people are more likely to remember.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Have some \\\"pocket\\\" facts.\", \"描述\": \"These are the types of facts that you can whip out during an argument that support whatever claim you're making. Chances are you're not going to be able to have facts for every single argument you might potentially get into, so pick the ones that are most important to you.\\nFor example: if you're really passionate about global climate change, you might make sure to have statistics memorized that look at the difference between weather and climate, that show what has changed so swiftly in the past few years (and how that is linked to things like carbon dioxide), and how this is different than the slower, more long-term climate change that happens without the help of human practices.\\nIt's really good to gather some facts (real facts) for things that everyone assumes are true. Blowing assumptions out of the water can make you appear very clever.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Learn the appropriate lingo.\", \"描述\": \"Every single group or workplace has lingo that goes along with it. This can come in the form of acronyms, or abbreviations, or even nicknames for certain things. Learning these for the places that you are, and the places that you visit, will help make you seem knowledgeable.\\nFor example: in fly-fishing there are tons of different words and phrases that you have to learn when you're a beginner. Not knowing terms like \\\"cast\\\" (the motion you make when you throw the rod, reel, and line back and forth) or a \\\"lie\\\" (the areas in a river or lake where the fish tend to be) will make you seem like you don't know what you're doing, the opposite of clever.\\nIf you don't know the lingo someone is using, pay attention to the context of the word or words. You can usually figure out the basic meaning from that. Otherwise, ask someone in private, so that everyone doesn't end up knowing that you don't understand everything they're saying.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Be persuasive.\", \"描述\": \"Oftentimes persuasiveness and cleverness are linked in people's minds. Doing the one will make people correlate it with the other. Having your \\\"pocket\\\" facts and speaking last can help you be persuasive, but so can a few other things. Remember that persuasion is basically getting people to do something that is in their best interest (unlike manipulation) while also benefiting you.\\nContext and timing are very important parts of being persuasive. As an example: don't try to ask your sister for money help with your parents right when she's lost her job. She'll be more concerned about money and needing money. Instead, wait until she's found a new job, or if she's just gotten a raise.\\nSpeak clearly and concisely. The more clearly and quickly you put a problem to someone, the more likely they are to understand exactly what it is you're asking them to do and the more likely they are to help you out. People tend to prefer a straightforward tactic rather than beating about the bush.\\nAvoid jargon (special words and expressions used by a particular group that make it difficult for others to understand them; i.e. law jargon). People won't listen to you if they can't understand what you're saying and it won't make you look clever, if you can't get your point across. Unless you're speaking to people who understand the same technical terms as you, don't use them.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Offer simple solutions.\", \"描述\": \"So many times a problem doesn't need a complex solution. While this may seem counter-intuitive, the simplest solution is often the most useful one, as well as the one that others tend not to think of. Humans seem bent on finding the most difficult and complex way to do things. Not falling into that trap will make you stand out.\\nOften a good question to ask when looking for a solution is: What can you do less of? Usually that can help weed on some of the less productive options.\\nAlso, ask yourself and others specific questions. If you're trying to build better time management, don't ask \\\"how can we build better time management?\\\" The question is too big, and you'll usually get answers that are too big, as well. A better question might be \\\"What tools might help make us work more quickly\\\" or \\\"If we spent 2 hours on a particular project instead of 4 hours, how might we work more quickly to achieve the same results?\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Be confident\", \"描述\": \"By being confident about yourself and your work, you'll present as cleverer than someone who is very smart and intelligent, but not confident. People tend to believe in confidence, even when there isn't that much to back it up. Present as confident and the cleverness will follow.\\nUse your body language to trick your brain into thinking it is confident, even if you aren't actually feeling that way. Stand tall and upright. Walk with a confident stride, like you belong wherever you are. Maintain open body language. Don't cross your arms across your chest, or refuse to look people in the eye.\\nThink positively or neutrally about yourself. If a thought like \\\"I am a loser\\\" or \\\"I am stupid\\\" comes into your head, acknowledge the thought and think \\\"I am thinking I am a loser, but just last week I got the coveted worker of the year award, or I have a really good job.\\\"\\nDon't compare yourself to other people. For example: don't get into a cleverness competition with other people and start comparing your cleverness with their cleverness. Intelligence isn't a competition and by turning it into one, you're only going to feel worse about yourself as you irritate and drive away other people with your need to be \\\"the best.\\\"\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Building Your Skills\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Don't always go by the book.\", \"描述\": \"It's good to know how to do things in the typical ways, especially so then you can subvert that thinking. By doing things in a way other people don't expect you'll demonstrate that you can think on your feet. That is one way people seem to judge cleverness.\\nFor example: if your professor gives you an essay assignment, ask them if you could do a creative option. Demonstrate how your option fulfills the requirements while going above and beyond. (If you're taking a class on short stories, ask if you could try your hand at writing a short story of your own using what you've learned in class, and write a follow-up piece examining your own work.)\\nThis is also about doing the unexpected. If you always go by the rules or do things exactly as you learned them it doesn't mean you're not smart, it simply means that people aren't going to see you as clever. So, don't rely on your particular intelligence and typical ways of doing things.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Think outside the box.\", \"描述\": \"This step ties into not always going by the book, because a lot times you'll need to think outside the box to do that. To be clever you will need to come up with creative solutions to problems.\\nRe-conceptualize the problem. One thing that people who use creative solutions do effectively, is to re-imagine a problem. To practice this skill, take an obvious choice (like writing a plain old essay) and re-imagine how else you might approach the essay so that you still get the same information across, but in a different, more engaging way (telling a story orally, creating a collage or painting).\\nDaydream. It turns out that daydreaming is actually incredibly beneficial to boosting creative problem-solving. The process of daydreaming helps you to form connections and recall information. This is why a lot of your best ideas may come out during the shower or right before you go to bed. If you're having difficulty with something, take a little time out to daydream. Chances are, by relaxing and letting your brain roam free, you'll come up with something creative that works.\\nBrainstorming is another great way to foster creativity, especially in a group. Present the problem and have people give whatever ideas come into their head without passing judgement on these ideas. Have people add to the ideas as they come. You can do this on your own too, as long as you make sure to keep judgment out of the process.\\nThinking outside of the box ultimately requires curiosity rather than judgment. Curiosity leads to open-mindedness, which allows you to imagine various alternatives.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Consider the worst that could happen.\", \"描述\": \"Fear is one of the biggest obstacles to creative thinking, which is one big aspect of cleverness. The more creative and workable your solutions and ideas, the more people will believe in your abilities.\\nAsk yourself things like: what happens if you lose your job? what if you lose your best customer? what if you fail your class? what if the publisher doesn't buy your book? The answer to any of these questions can either free you up from fear, or it can show where you need to work on your solutions, which in turn will open up opportunities and further ideas.\\nWhen you're coming up with ideas and potential solutions, don't open them up for criticism until they're more formed. Criticism and the fear of criticism can be a big creativity killer, which can kill your cleverness, too. When you're out of the brainstorming stage and better able to evaluate the ideas, that's when you get feedback and take criticism.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Set parameters.\", \"描述\": \"Having problems and opportunities that are ill-defined and super vague can make it incredibly difficult to come up with punchy or creative solutions and ideas. Even if issues and things you need to deal with come to you without parameters, set some for yourself.\\nSetting \\\"imaginary\\\" or \\\"pretend\\\" parameters can foster your ideas. For example, if you're working on a project for work pretend that you're out of money, how do you accomplish your task without it? Pretend you can't follow the rules, written or unwritten, how would you do things different? Pretend there's a fast time limit on coming up with your solution (say a 5 minute time limit)? What can you come up with in that short period of time?\\nFor example, Dr. Seuss wrote Green Eggs and Ham because of a challenge from his editor to come up with a full book in under 50 different words. That restriction helped him come up with one of the best known Dr. Seuss books.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Continuing to Learn\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Study clever people.\", \"描述\": \"Don't assume that you've reached a pinnacle of cleverness. There is no such thing. You'll need to constantly be learning, and a good way to do that is to study people who you or others find to be clever.\\nAsk yourself what makes them seem clever: do they have a pithy comment about everything? Are they able to come up with facts and figures on the spot? Do they present creative solutions?\\nPick out some of the biggest traits of the clever people you know or observe and incorporate them into your own work and life.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Keep up-to-date on world events.\", \"描述\": \"A lot of people who are considered to be clever, are good at keeping abreast of the latest developments in the world. They pay attention to what's happening and can talk knowledgeably (or appear to talk knowledgeably) about news and current affairs.\\ntry to get multiple points of view, so you aren't just getting information from one source. For example: instead of only getting news from Fox news, check out other news stations, as well. Research the information, statistics, and \\\"facts\\\" that each news station (on the internet, on the radio, on the t.v., in print) presents. This will give a better, more balanced view, and help you to discuss the news in a more knowledgeable way.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Embark on wordplay.\", \"描述\": \"Words and the way they act together can make you sound more clever, because words are so important to communication. Wordplay includes things like puns, cryptograms, and simply using language in a way that opens up sensory details that other people might not have noticed.\\nPractice describing things in unusual ways, and focus on the aspects that people might normally ignore. For example: describing fire as like silk, or coming up with a way to describe the sound of the waves on the shore.\\nSlip the occasional alliteration or pun into your words. Practice noticing them in other people's speech and pointing them out.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Remember information\", \"描述\": \"One way to seem clever is to practice memorizing facts and information (like the \\\"pocket facts\\\"), so that you're able to recall them with ease. Fortunately there are techniques you can learn to make fact recall easier.\\nPay attention to information the first time around. Make sure that you're getting the right information. You never actually lose information (except in cases of illness or injury), so you want to make sure that the information you're putting in is actually correct.\\nWrite things down several times. Writing down facts or information you want to remember helps you to recall it more easily and makes it stick in your brain, in a manner of speaking. The more you practice writing something down, the easier it will be to remember.\\nChoose carefully. Sherlock Holmes once said that his mind was like an attic. Instead of storing everything you come across, right or wrong, pick the facts and information that interest you and will serve you well.\\nTry to put your hand up in class.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Remember, in the end, most people are more concerned with themselves than they are with you. If you take an interest in them, they are more likely to consider you smart, insightful, and clever, as well as kind. Simple ask people questions about themselves and don't immediately jump in with your own opinions and stories.[10]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\", \"If anyone else in class needs help, try to help them.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"For some reason sarcasm and the appearance of cleverness often go hand in hand. Unless you're really looking to irritate people with your \\\"cleverness\\\", using sarcasm is usually not the route you want to go.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,606 | How to Be Close Friends With the Guy You Like | 1. Making Friends with a Guy You Don’t Know
1-1. Talk to his friends.
Boys can get lonely or alienated easily, especially if their friends begin to mock them. By making friends with his friends, you show that you are part of his network and can be trusted. Learn about their dynamic and find out how you would fit into their circle.
Try to be genuine when you do this. Most people can tell if you are faking interest in order to get something that you want.
1-2. Start a club.
Whether it’s a book club, microbrew club, or movie club, share an interest with him. Invite others to join your club or keep it just the two of you. Be careful not to make it seem like a date if you’re just beginning your friendship..
Your club can meet once a week or once a month. You basically want to share an activity together to strengthen your friendship bond but you don’t want him to feel suffocated.
1-3. Find a new hobby.
Keep yourself occupied. You don’t want your life to revolve around your friendship with him. Plus, whether he shares your interest or not, a new hobby will give you something to talk about.
Take a class. Study something that you’ve always been interested in so that you won’t become bored.
1-4. Volunteer when you can.
Giving back to your community will give you a sense of well-being. It’s attractive to know that someone is selfless and looking to do some good. He may also want to participate or be inspired to find his own volunteer opportunities.
See if your school offers any outreach or community service opportunities.
Volunteer at places that interest you. This will help the guy learn more about what you like.
Great places to volunteer include animal shelters, senior homes, and soup kitchens.
1-5. Enjoy sports.
It’s fairly obvious that boys enjoy watching and playing sports. You don’t necessarily have to enjoy the same teams or sports as he does. Enjoying your own team or sport would also be interesting to him.
Guys enjoy arguing over their favourite players or watching a game together. Find something about the sport that you enjoy and focus on that. You don’t need to know every detail but you do need to actually enjoy the sport.
1-6. Burp when you want.
Guys think that bodily noises are hilarious. It may be fun for you to see how far you can push your own gross boundaries. Don’t be self-conscious just follow the standards set by the rest of the boys.
Challenge him to a belching contest and crack the same type of jokes that his male friends do.
The tired myth that girls don't have bodily functions, or can't be funny or gross or clever, is outdated and even harmful when it comes to relationships between men and women. Show him that you're not a strange, weird being — you're a person, just like him, and you can be comfortable around each other and simply be yourselves.
1-7. Go to happy hour.
If you are of age, this is a good opportunity to get to know him in a social setting. Invite your friends and tell him to invite his. It’s a cheap and fun social gathering that is a far cry from a date.
If you are traveling by car, remember to have a designated driver for each party.
1-8. Reassess your view of guys.
Don’t assume that guys and girls can’t be just friends. It’s easy to think about gender stereotypes but view him as an individual with his own ideals about friendship. You should be able to have different perspectives about things while still enjoying each other’s company.
Learn about the guy's, and if you find any that match up with yours, mention them! For example, both of you could be into baking or comic books.
1-9. Understand that guys do see the potential for romance.
Studies have shown that guys do think about having a romantic relationship with their female friends if they were given a chance. It may seem discouraging at first not to get the romantic attention but time may be on your side.
A guy may not find a girl attractive at first but as time passes and he gets to know how smart, funny, and relatable she is, that girl becomes more attractive.
1-10. Avoid applying pressure.
Studies show that both girls and boys get teased by peers to turn a platonic friendship into a romantic relationship. Don’t feel obligated to do something you’re uncomfortable doing. Be open with your friends and let them know that their teasing and pressure is hurtful.
Boys may get mocked more by their friends for having female friends who aren’t prospective girlfriends. Friendship is not seen as masculine because it means that a boy must make himself vulnerable and confide in you.
2. Suppressing Your Feelings
2-1. Hide your true emotions.
If he tells you about his latest crush or what’s going on in his relationship, be supportive. You are a friend first and foremost. Focus on your hope for a romantic relationship. The worst that can happen is that you have a really close friend who you can happy for.
For example, if he talks about his crush, don't start dissing her or talking smack about her. This won't out you into a good light.
2-2. Don’t lose your self-control.
Having desire is fine, but acting on your emotions may lead to trouble. Make sure you have a firm grasp of how he feels before you put yourself out there or you may lose a good friend.
Don't ask him to be your boyfriend right off the bat. Get to know him better and find out whether or not he likes you first.
2-3. Prepare for awkwardness.
A lot of TV shows and movies portray romance between friends as being an embarrassing mistake or an awkward situation. If you don’t make the transition correctly, that very well might be the case. Keep positive that your friendship will survive any fling. If there are romantic feelings, awkwardness will be inevitable unless one of you addresses how you feel about the other person.
Awkwardness is normal, especially if someone is shy or inexperienced. Be patient, calm, and understanding. Don't get frustrated.
2-4. Go out in groups.
You don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea. People may ask if you’re a couple when they see you alone together. Limit the time you spend alone in public together. Try to include other people when you can.
Movies are fine but eating together may be questionable and get people talking.
2-5. Prepare for honesty.
Boys can be brutally honest so be prepared for blunt opinions and harsh comments. For example, if you ask a boy how you look you may not appreciate his true opinion.
Don’t make this a one way street. If he is brutally honest with you, you may be brutally honest with him. Put him at ease and let him know he can trust you like any of his male friends.
2-6. Avoid affection.
Don’t give in to temptation and give him a hug or rest your head on his shoulder. If you get too touchy-feely you may give yourself away. Don’t blur the lines between boyfriend and friend. Wait until you’re ready and sure of yourself or you may make him defensive.
For example, don't try to make-out with him before you know how he feels about you. Even if he does like you back, you have to make sure that he is comfortable with it.
2-7. Don’t ask or give dating advice.
Boys don’t talk about the details of their romantic lives the way girls do so don’t expect him to open up. Don’t talk about your own romantic relationship because if he does have feelings for you, he will become confused. Keep the conversations platonic.
If you tell him about your romantic life he may think that you only see him as a friend. If he’s seeing someone you may automatically judge her and bad-mouth her. Don’t deny him a chance at romance. Don’t make him choose between her or you.
2-8. Avoid acting like his girlfriend if you’re not.
Avoid doting on him or flirting, especially if you guys are not officially a couple. Let him know when he’s being a jerk or acting inappropriately. Compliment him when he’s being a friend and scold him when he’s not.
Acting like you are his girlfriend may also annoy him. He may see you as clingy and possessive, and he may try to avoid you as a result.
Even if he flirts back with you, don't make assumptions. If you aren't sure whether or not you are a couple, ask him and respect his answer.
2-9. Don’t take advantage of his vulnerability.
If he’s going through a crisis in his life like a breakup or death in the family, don’t try to leverage his emotions into a romantic relationship. He will feel taken advantage of and angry.
Unlike girls, boys may be flattered to learn that a female friend likes them. Girls may be upset and sad because trust has been lost.
2-10. Avoid comparison.
Don’t compare yourself to another girl that he likes or his current girlfriend. This will lead to a lot of anxiety and frustration. Don’t act like a jealous girlfriend when you are only friends.
Don’t change who you are because you think that will win him over. You can’t make him fall in love with you. Save your dignity and be yourself.
2-11. Never assume.
Don’t try to convince yourself of something that isn’t there. He may tell you that he loves you but only as a friend. He may also say that he can see himself with you but only as a remote possibility and not at this second. Save yourself from embarrassment.
If he already has ambiguous relationships than he may “want to have his cake and eat it too”. Be certain that he doesn’t have another romantic interest or a serious girlfriend.
3. Making Your Move
3-1. Read the signs.
Has he introduced you to all his friends and stopped talking about other girls around you? Does he want to spend more alone time with you and plan out activities that resemble dates? There are a number of signs that he may be giving off so pay attention.
Does he continually make it clear that he’s single and often give scenarios where the two of you are dating? His body language may change and he may be more touchy feely than usual. He may also start acting like your boyfriend or ask questions to probe about how you’re feeling about him.
3-2. Make sure you both know what you want.
What may seem obvious to you may seem vague and confusing to him. You need to have a crystal clear idea of your friendship and whether romance is the next logical step.
It’s okay if you discover that this isn’t a good idea. You don’t want to lose a friendship by trying to force a relationship.
3-3. Tell him how you feel.
If you don’t want him to think of you as one of the boys or just a temporary fling, let him know how you feel. Be direct and completely honest. Open communication is key.
Be honest because any type of relationship that you want to preserve won’t last if the truth is ever found out. Being honest with yourself can also help you manage expectations.
3-4. Tell him if you’re going to pursue someone else.
You can’t protect his feelings or your own. Letting him know that you have a romantic life might get him to clue about his feelings for you. Don’t be vague and don’t allow him to be vague about any intimate encounters.
You need to be truthful about your current sexual activities because if you move from friendship to something physical, you want to make sure that you’re safe from any STDs.
3-5. Be honest.
Laugh it off if he doesn’t return your feelings. The longer you hold in your feelings, the harder it will be to continue being a true friend. You don’t want to begin a friendship or a romance with a lie.
Respect his reply. Don't try to force him to like you. The more you pressure him, the more likely you'll push him away.
3-6. Prepare for the aftermath.
If you plan to cross from friendship into something more, anticipate the possibilities. Depending on the dynamics of your friendship, you may receive a variety of possible reactions. He may feel flattered, embarrassed, angry, or amused.
Again, respect his answer. If he is angry, then this is probably a sign that a friendship would not have worked out.
If he is flattered or amused, this is not a bad sign--give him time to process the information and don't pressure him to return your feelings.
3-7. Be patient.
If you put yourself out there and are initially rejected, let time take its course. If he is a true friend he will support you, listen to what you have to say, and have your best interest in mind. He won’t hurt you and if he does, you’ve dodged a bullet because he wasn’t worth being your boyfriend or having you as a friend.
If he rejects you, you may have to back off for a while and give him some space. Continue being his friend, but don't try to be his girlfriend, especially if he doesn't want it.
Tips
Find a common interest and talk to him about it. Boys especially like to talk about sports.
Talk to his friends just like you would talk to your regular friends. Be friendly and open to anything.
Be yourself around him.
Warnings
Do not change who you are for anyone, if they don't like you for your personality then they won't like you when you are yourself.
Don't talk about subjects like sex if he's shy about it.
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"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Making Friends with a Guy You Don’t Know\\n1-1. Talk to his friends.\\nBoys can get lonely or alienated easily, especially if their friends begin to mock them. By making friends with his friends, you show that you are part of his network and can be trusted. Learn about their dynamic and find out how you would fit into their circle.\\nTry to be genuine when you do this. Most people can tell if you are faking interest in order to get something that you want.\\n1-2. Start a club.\\nWhether it’s a book club, microbrew club, or movie club, share an interest with him. Invite others to join your club or keep it just the two of you. Be careful not to make it seem like a date if you’re just beginning your friendship..\\nYour club can meet once a week or once a month. You basically want to share an activity together to strengthen your friendship bond but you don’t want him to feel suffocated.\\n1-3. Find a new hobby.\\nKeep yourself occupied. You don’t want your life to revolve around your friendship with him. Plus, whether he shares your interest or not, a new hobby will give you something to talk about.\\nTake a class. Study something that you’ve always been interested in so that you won’t become bored.\\n1-4. Volunteer when you can.\\nGiving back to your community will give you a sense of well-being. It’s attractive to know that someone is selfless and looking to do some good. He may also want to participate or be inspired to find his own volunteer opportunities.\\nSee if your school offers any outreach or community service opportunities.\\nVolunteer at places that interest you. This will help the guy learn more about what you like.\\nGreat places to volunteer include animal shelters, senior homes, and soup kitchens.\\n1-5. Enjoy sports.\\nIt’s fairly obvious that boys enjoy watching and playing sports. You don’t necessarily have to enjoy the same teams or sports as he does. Enjoying your own team or sport would also be interesting to him.\\nGuys enjoy arguing over their favourite players or watching a game together. Find something about the sport that you enjoy and focus on that. You don’t need to know every detail but you do need to actually enjoy the sport.\\n1-6. Burp when you want.\\nGuys think that bodily noises are hilarious. It may be fun for you to see how far you can push your own gross boundaries. Don’t be self-conscious just follow the standards set by the rest of the boys.\\nChallenge him to a belching contest and crack the same type of jokes that his male friends do.\\nThe tired myth that girls don't have bodily functions, or can't be funny or gross or clever, is outdated and even harmful when it comes to relationships between men and women. Show him that you're not a strange, weird being — you're a person, just like him, and you can be comfortable around each other and simply be yourselves.\\n1-7. Go to happy hour.\\nIf you are of age, this is a good opportunity to get to know him in a social setting. Invite your friends and tell him to invite his. It’s a cheap and fun social gathering that is a far cry from a date.\\nIf you are traveling by car, remember to have a designated driver for each party.\\n1-8. Reassess your view of guys.\\nDon’t assume that guys and girls can’t be just friends. It’s easy to think about gender stereotypes but view him as an individual with his own ideals about friendship. You should be able to have different perspectives about things while still enjoying each other’s company.\\nLearn about the guy's, and if you find any that match up with yours, mention them! For example, both of you could be into baking or comic books.\\n1-9. Understand that guys do see the potential for romance.\\nStudies have shown that guys do think about having a romantic relationship with their female friends if they were given a chance. It may seem discouraging at first not to get the romantic attention but time may be on your side.\\nA guy may not find a girl attractive at first but as time passes and he gets to know how smart, funny, and relatable she is, that girl becomes more attractive.\\n1-10. Avoid applying pressure.\\nStudies show that both girls and boys get teased by peers to turn a platonic friendship into a romantic relationship. Don’t feel obligated to do something you’re uncomfortable doing. Be open with your friends and let them know that their teasing and pressure is hurtful.\\nBoys may get mocked more by their friends for having female friends who aren’t prospective girlfriends. Friendship is not seen as masculine because it means that a boy must make himself vulnerable and confide in you.\\n2. Suppressing Your Feelings\\n2-1. Hide your true emotions.\\nIf he tells you about his latest crush or what’s going on in his relationship, be supportive. You are a friend first and foremost. Focus on your hope for a romantic relationship. The worst that can happen is that you have a really close friend who you can happy for.\\nFor example, if he talks about his crush, don't start dissing her or talking smack about her. This won't out you into a good light.\\n2-2. Don’t lose your self-control.\\nHaving desire is fine, but acting on your emotions may lead to trouble. Make sure you have a firm grasp of how he feels before you put yourself out there or you may lose a good friend.\\nDon't ask him to be your boyfriend right off the bat. Get to know him better and find out whether or not he likes you first.\\n2-3. Prepare for awkwardness.\\nA lot of TV shows and movies portray romance between friends as being an embarrassing mistake or an awkward situation. If you don’t make the transition correctly, that very well might be the case. Keep positive that your friendship will survive any fling. If there are romantic feelings, awkwardness will be inevitable unless one of you addresses how you feel about the other person.\\nAwkwardness is normal, especially if someone is shy or inexperienced. Be patient, calm, and understanding. Don't get frustrated.\\n2-4. Go out in groups.\\nYou don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea. People may ask if you’re a couple when they see you alone together. Limit the time you spend alone in public together. Try to include other people when you can.\\nMovies are fine but eating together may be questionable and get people talking.\\n2-5. Prepare for honesty.\\nBoys can be brutally honest so be prepared for blunt opinions and harsh comments. For example, if you ask a boy how you look you may not appreciate his true opinion.\\nDon’t make this a one way street. If he is brutally honest with you, you may be brutally honest with him. Put him at ease and let him know he can trust you like any of his male friends.\\n2-6. Avoid affection.\\nDon’t give in to temptation and give him a hug or rest your head on his shoulder. If you get too touchy-feely you may give yourself away. Don’t blur the lines between boyfriend and friend. Wait until you’re ready and sure of yourself or you may make him defensive.\\nFor example, don't try to make-out with him before you know how he feels about you. Even if he does like you back, you have to make sure that he is comfortable with it.\\n2-7. Don’t ask or give dating advice.\\nBoys don’t talk about the details of their romantic lives the way girls do so don’t expect him to open up. Don’t talk about your own romantic relationship because if he does have feelings for you, he will become confused. Keep the conversations platonic.\\nIf you tell him about your romantic life he may think that you only see him as a friend. If he’s seeing someone you may automatically judge her and bad-mouth her. Don’t deny him a chance at romance. Don’t make him choose between her or you.\\n2-8. Avoid acting like his girlfriend if you’re not.\\nAvoid doting on him or flirting, especially if you guys are not officially a couple. Let him know when he’s being a jerk or acting inappropriately. Compliment him when he’s being a friend and scold him when he’s not.\\nActing like you are his girlfriend may also annoy him. He may see you as clingy and possessive, and he may try to avoid you as a result.\\nEven if he flirts back with you, don't make assumptions. If you aren't sure whether or not you are a couple, ask him and respect his answer.\\n2-9. Don’t take advantage of his vulnerability.\\nIf he’s going through a crisis in his life like a breakup or death in the family, don’t try to leverage his emotions into a romantic relationship. He will feel taken advantage of and angry.\\nUnlike girls, boys may be flattered to learn that a female friend likes them. Girls may be upset and sad because trust has been lost.\\n2-10. Avoid comparison.\\nDon’t compare yourself to another girl that he likes or his current girlfriend. This will lead to a lot of anxiety and frustration. Don’t act like a jealous girlfriend when you are only friends.\\nDon’t change who you are because you think that will win him over. You can’t make him fall in love with you. Save your dignity and be yourself.\\n2-11. Never assume.\\nDon’t try to convince yourself of something that isn’t there. He may tell you that he loves you but only as a friend. He may also say that he can see himself with you but only as a remote possibility and not at this second. Save yourself from embarrassment.\\nIf he already has ambiguous relationships than he may “want to have his cake and eat it too”. Be certain that he doesn’t have another romantic interest or a serious girlfriend.\\n3. Making Your Move\\n3-1. Read the signs.\\nHas he introduced you to all his friends and stopped talking about other girls around you? Does he want to spend more alone time with you and plan out activities that resemble dates? There are a number of signs that he may be giving off so pay attention.\\nDoes he continually make it clear that he’s single and often give scenarios where the two of you are dating? His body language may change and he may be more touchy feely than usual. He may also start acting like your boyfriend or ask questions to probe about how you’re feeling about him.\\n3-2. Make sure you both know what you want.\\nWhat may seem obvious to you may seem vague and confusing to him. You need to have a crystal clear idea of your friendship and whether romance is the next logical step.\\nIt’s okay if you discover that this isn’t a good idea. You don’t want to lose a friendship by trying to force a relationship.\\n3-3. Tell him how you feel.\\nIf you don’t want him to think of you as one of the boys or just a temporary fling, let him know how you feel. Be direct and completely honest. Open communication is key.\\nBe honest because any type of relationship that you want to preserve won’t last if the truth is ever found out. Being honest with yourself can also help you manage expectations.\\n3-4. Tell him if you’re going to pursue someone else.\\nYou can’t protect his feelings or your own. Letting him know that you have a romantic life might get him to clue about his feelings for you. Don’t be vague and don’t allow him to be vague about any intimate encounters.\\nYou need to be truthful about your current sexual activities because if you move from friendship to something physical, you want to make sure that you’re safe from any STDs.\\n3-5. Be honest.\\nLaugh it off if he doesn’t return your feelings. The longer you hold in your feelings, the harder it will be to continue being a true friend. You don’t want to begin a friendship or a romance with a lie.\\nRespect his reply. Don't try to force him to like you. The more you pressure him, the more likely you'll push him away.\\n3-6. Prepare for the aftermath.\\nIf you plan to cross from friendship into something more, anticipate the possibilities. Depending on the dynamics of your friendship, you may receive a variety of possible reactions. He may feel flattered, embarrassed, angry, or amused.\\nAgain, respect his answer. If he is angry, then this is probably a sign that a friendship would not have worked out.\\nIf he is flattered or amused, this is not a bad sign--give him time to process the information and don't pressure him to return your feelings.\\n3-7. Be patient.\\nIf you put yourself out there and are initially rejected, let time take its course. If he is a true friend he will support you, listen to what you have to say, and have your best interest in mind. He won’t hurt you and if he does, you’ve dodged a bullet because he wasn’t worth being your boyfriend or having you as a friend.\\nIf he rejects you, you may have to back off for a while and give him some space. Continue being his friend, but don't try to be his girlfriend, especially if he doesn't want it.\\nTips\\nFind a common interest and talk to him about it. Boys especially like to talk about sports.\\nTalk to his friends just like you would talk to your regular friends. Be friendly and open to anything.\\nBe yourself around him.\\nWarnings\\nDo not change who you are for anyone, if they don't like you for your personality then they won't like you when you are yourself.\\nDon't talk about subjects like sex if he's shy about it.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Becoming friends with a guy that you like can be very complicated. Your emotions will be difficult to hide and you may not have patience but a relationship that starts out in friendship is very rewarding. After you become friends with him make sure that you fit in with the rest of his friends and, when the time is right, express how you really feel. It’s not healthy to hide your feelings and, if he’s a true friend, he will listen to you and value having you in his life no matter what the outcome.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Making Friends with a Guy You Don’t Know\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Talk to his friends.\", \"描述\": \"Boys can get lonely or alienated easily, especially if their friends begin to mock them. By making friends with his friends, you show that you are part of his network and can be trusted. Learn about their dynamic and find out how you would fit into their circle.\\nTry to be genuine when you do this. Most people can tell if you are faking interest in order to get something that you want.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Start a club.\", \"描述\": \"Whether it’s a book club, microbrew club, or movie club, share an interest with him. Invite others to join your club or keep it just the two of you. Be careful not to make it seem like a date if you’re just beginning your friendship..\\nYour club can meet once a week or once a month. You basically want to share an activity together to strengthen your friendship bond but you don’t want him to feel suffocated.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Find a new hobby.\", \"描述\": \"Keep yourself occupied. You don’t want your life to revolve around your friendship with him. Plus, whether he shares your interest or not, a new hobby will give you something to talk about.\\nTake a class. Study something that you’ve always been interested in so that you won’t become bored.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Volunteer when you can.\", \"描述\": \"Giving back to your community will give you a sense of well-being. It’s attractive to know that someone is selfless and looking to do some good. He may also want to participate or be inspired to find his own volunteer opportunities.\\nSee if your school offers any outreach or community service opportunities.\\nVolunteer at places that interest you. This will help the guy learn more about what you like.\\nGreat places to volunteer include animal shelters, senior homes, and soup kitchens.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Enjoy sports.\", \"描述\": \"It’s fairly obvious that boys enjoy watching and playing sports. You don’t necessarily have to enjoy the same teams or sports as he does. Enjoying your own team or sport would also be interesting to him.\\nGuys enjoy arguing over their favourite players or watching a game together. Find something about the sport that you enjoy and focus on that. You don’t need to know every detail but you do need to actually enjoy the sport.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Burp when you want.\", \"描述\": \"Guys think that bodily noises are hilarious. It may be fun for you to see how far you can push your own gross boundaries. Don’t be self-conscious just follow the standards set by the rest of the boys.\\nChallenge him to a belching contest and crack the same type of jokes that his male friends do.\\nThe tired myth that girls don't have bodily functions, or can't be funny or gross or clever, is outdated and even harmful when it comes to relationships between men and women. Show him that you're not a strange, weird being — you're a person, just like him, and you can be comfortable around each other and simply be yourselves.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Go to happy hour.\", \"描述\": \"If you are of age, this is a good opportunity to get to know him in a social setting. Invite your friends and tell him to invite his. It’s a cheap and fun social gathering that is a far cry from a date.\\nIf you are traveling by car, remember to have a designated driver for each party.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Reassess your view of guys.\", \"描述\": \"Don’t assume that guys and girls can’t be just friends. It’s easy to think about gender stereotypes but view him as an individual with his own ideals about friendship. You should be able to have different perspectives about things while still enjoying each other’s company.\\nLearn about the guy's, and if you find any that match up with yours, mention them! For example, both of you could be into baking or comic books.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Understand that guys do see the potential for romance.\", \"描述\": \"Studies have shown that guys do think about having a romantic relationship with their female friends if they were given a chance. It may seem discouraging at first not to get the romantic attention but time may be on your side.\\nA guy may not find a girl attractive at first but as time passes and he gets to know how smart, funny, and relatable she is, that girl becomes more attractive.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Avoid applying pressure.\", \"描述\": \"Studies show that both girls and boys get teased by peers to turn a platonic friendship into a romantic relationship. Don’t feel obligated to do something you’re uncomfortable doing. Be open with your friends and let them know that their teasing and pressure is hurtful.\\nBoys may get mocked more by their friends for having female friends who aren’t prospective girlfriends. Friendship is not seen as masculine because it means that a boy must make himself vulnerable and confide in you.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Suppressing Your Feelings\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Hide your true emotions.\", \"描述\": \"If he tells you about his latest crush or what’s going on in his relationship, be supportive. You are a friend first and foremost. Focus on your hope for a romantic relationship. The worst that can happen is that you have a really close friend who you can happy for.\\nFor example, if he talks about his crush, don't start dissing her or talking smack about her. This won't out you into a good light.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Don’t lose your self-control.\", \"描述\": \"Having desire is fine, but acting on your emotions may lead to trouble. Make sure you have a firm grasp of how he feels before you put yourself out there or you may lose a good friend.\\nDon't ask him to be your boyfriend right off the bat. Get to know him better and find out whether or not he likes you first.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Prepare for awkwardness.\", \"描述\": \"A lot of TV shows and movies portray romance between friends as being an embarrassing mistake or an awkward situation. If you don’t make the transition correctly, that very well might be the case. Keep positive that your friendship will survive any fling. If there are romantic feelings, awkwardness will be inevitable unless one of you addresses how you feel about the other person.\\nAwkwardness is normal, especially if someone is shy or inexperienced. Be patient, calm, and understanding. Don't get frustrated.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Go out in groups.\", \"描述\": \"You don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea. People may ask if you’re a couple when they see you alone together. Limit the time you spend alone in public together. Try to include other people when you can.\\nMovies are fine but eating together may be questionable and get people talking.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Prepare for honesty.\", \"描述\": \"Boys can be brutally honest so be prepared for blunt opinions and harsh comments. For example, if you ask a boy how you look you may not appreciate his true opinion.\\nDon’t make this a one way street. If he is brutally honest with you, you may be brutally honest with him. Put him at ease and let him know he can trust you like any of his male friends.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Avoid affection.\", \"描述\": \"Don’t give in to temptation and give him a hug or rest your head on his shoulder. If you get too touchy-feely you may give yourself away. Don’t blur the lines between boyfriend and friend. Wait until you’re ready and sure of yourself or you may make him defensive.\\nFor example, don't try to make-out with him before you know how he feels about you. Even if he does like you back, you have to make sure that he is comfortable with it.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Don’t ask or give dating advice.\", \"描述\": \"Boys don’t talk about the details of their romantic lives the way girls do so don’t expect him to open up. Don’t talk about your own romantic relationship because if he does have feelings for you, he will become confused. Keep the conversations platonic.\\nIf you tell him about your romantic life he may think that you only see him as a friend. If he’s seeing someone you may automatically judge her and bad-mouth her. Don’t deny him a chance at romance. Don’t make him choose between her or you.\"}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"Avoid acting like his girlfriend if you’re not.\", \"描述\": \"Avoid doting on him or flirting, especially if you guys are not officially a couple. Let him know when he’s being a jerk or acting inappropriately. Compliment him when he’s being a friend and scold him when he’s not.\\nActing like you are his girlfriend may also annoy him. He may see you as clingy and possessive, and he may try to avoid you as a result.\\nEven if he flirts back with you, don't make assumptions. If you aren't sure whether or not you are a couple, ask him and respect his answer.\"}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"Don’t take advantage of his vulnerability.\", \"描述\": \"If he’s going through a crisis in his life like a breakup or death in the family, don’t try to leverage his emotions into a romantic relationship. He will feel taken advantage of and angry.\\nUnlike girls, boys may be flattered to learn that a female friend likes them. Girls may be upset and sad because trust has been lost.\"}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"Avoid comparison.\", \"描述\": \"Don’t compare yourself to another girl that he likes or his current girlfriend. This will lead to a lot of anxiety and frustration. Don’t act like a jealous girlfriend when you are only friends.\\nDon’t change who you are because you think that will win him over. You can’t make him fall in love with you. Save your dignity and be yourself.\"}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"Never assume.\", \"描述\": \"Don’t try to convince yourself of something that isn’t there. He may tell you that he loves you but only as a friend. He may also say that he can see himself with you but only as a remote possibility and not at this second. Save yourself from embarrassment.\\nIf he already has ambiguous relationships than he may “want to have his cake and eat it too”. Be certain that he doesn’t have another romantic interest or a serious girlfriend.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Making Your Move\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Read the signs.\", \"描述\": \"Has he introduced you to all his friends and stopped talking about other girls around you? Does he want to spend more alone time with you and plan out activities that resemble dates? There are a number of signs that he may be giving off so pay attention.\\nDoes he continually make it clear that he’s single and often give scenarios where the two of you are dating? His body language may change and he may be more touchy feely than usual. He may also start acting like your boyfriend or ask questions to probe about how you’re feeling about him.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Make sure you both know what you want.\", \"描述\": \"What may seem obvious to you may seem vague and confusing to him. You need to have a crystal clear idea of your friendship and whether romance is the next logical step.\\nIt’s okay if you discover that this isn’t a good idea. You don’t want to lose a friendship by trying to force a relationship.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Tell him how you feel.\", \"描述\": \"If you don’t want him to think of you as one of the boys or just a temporary fling, let him know how you feel. Be direct and completely honest. Open communication is key.\\nBe honest because any type of relationship that you want to preserve won’t last if the truth is ever found out. Being honest with yourself can also help you manage expectations.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Tell him if you’re going to pursue someone else.\", \"描述\": \"You can’t protect his feelings or your own. Letting him know that you have a romantic life might get him to clue about his feelings for you. Don’t be vague and don’t allow him to be vague about any intimate encounters.\\nYou need to be truthful about your current sexual activities because if you move from friendship to something physical, you want to make sure that you’re safe from any STDs.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be honest.\", \"描述\": \"Laugh it off if he doesn’t return your feelings. The longer you hold in your feelings, the harder it will be to continue being a true friend. You don’t want to begin a friendship or a romance with a lie.\\nRespect his reply. Don't try to force him to like you. The more you pressure him, the more likely you'll push him away.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Prepare for the aftermath.\", \"描述\": \"If you plan to cross from friendship into something more, anticipate the possibilities. Depending on the dynamics of your friendship, you may receive a variety of possible reactions. He may feel flattered, embarrassed, angry, or amused.\\nAgain, respect his answer. If he is angry, then this is probably a sign that a friendship would not have worked out.\\nIf he is flattered or amused, this is not a bad sign--give him time to process the information and don't pressure him to return your feelings.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Be patient.\", \"描述\": \"If you put yourself out there and are initially rejected, let time take its course. If he is a true friend he will support you, listen to what you have to say, and have your best interest in mind. He won’t hurt you and if he does, you’ve dodged a bullet because he wasn’t worth being your boyfriend or having you as a friend.\\nIf he rejects you, you may have to back off for a while and give him some space. Continue being his friend, but don't try to be his girlfriend, especially if he doesn't want it.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Find a common interest and talk to him about it. Boys especially like to talk about sports.\\n\", \"Talk to his friends just like you would talk to your regular friends. Be friendly and open to anything.\\n\", \"Be yourself around him.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Do not change who you are for anyone, if they don't like you for your personality then they won't like you when you are yourself.\\n\", \"Don't talk about subjects like sex if he's shy about it.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,607 | How to Be Close to Your Crush | 1. Finding a Connection
1-1. Find common interests.
One of the simplest ways to be closer is to find activities and interests that you and your crush both like. Talk with your crush about something they like. Identify the interests that match your own, and spend more time on those activities.
Consider asking things like, "What's it like being on the soccer team? I used to play soccer" or, "I noticed that you like to draw. What kind of things do you sketch? I like to sketch in a journal sometimes."
Do more of the activities that you both enjoy. Just make sure that not all your time is spent on this.
Look at the ways that you and your crush are different. Sometimes getting to know someone involves seeing how common interests may be different in approach.
1-2. Start off as friends.
Though your romantic feelings may be hard to control, it's important to get to know the 'real' person that is your crush. Wouldn't you want that person you like to be someone you also want to be friends with?
If you don't feel like your crush would be a good friend, or that your interests are too different, think about what that may mean. Would you want to be close to someone who you don't think would be a good friend?
Allow your friendship to lead into romance, rather than the other way around. Don't rush into something. Try to find ways to keep your mind off your crush, and focus on how to be their friend first.
Consider asking your crush and his or her friends to hang out with you and your friends for a weekend event. Keep the interactions casual at first, rather than trying to find out if he or she likes you.
1-3. Be a good listener.
Make an effort to listen to what your crush likes. Be positive and smile. Give signs that you are listening to what he or she is saying. Don't be distracted by other things. Don't avert your eyes due to shyness.
When you actually listen to what your crush is saying, and not just think about the way he or she looks, you'll be able to really know what the person is like.
After listening, consider responding with, "That's really interesting" or "Wow, that's cool."
Ask follow-up questions. When you are actively listening to your crush, you're paying attention to what he or she is saying. Ask for details about what they are talking about, or clarification if something sounds confusing.
2. Having Confidence
2-1. Be yourself.
It's important to be your true self. Be honest about what you like and don't like. Don't try to be fake, or someone that you hate. Think about what things matter to you.
Act and dress in a way that feels comfortable and natural to you.
2-2. Have confidence.
You are a unique and amazing person. Get yourself some credit, and be proud of who you are and what you've done. You don't need to shy away from being yourself, and showing others that you are confident.
Be positive and surround yourself with other people who are positive.
2-3. Be approachable and kind.
Kindness is key. While being approachable and friendly may get your crush to notice you, they may be hesitant to be your friend, or let you be close if you're rude, cold, or stand-offish.
Try to overcome your shyness by at least having a short conversation. Consider compliment your crush. Or talk about something that you both are doing.
Consider saying things like, "I like your shirt," or "You play the guitar well."
2-4. Take care of your appearance.
Be presentable by taking care of your body. Have clean hair and nice clothes. You don't need to get "dressed up" every day, but someone is more likely to talk with you or notice you if you have a nice appearance.
Avoid wearing provocative clothes. You may be sending the wrong message to more than just your crush.
For girls, you don't need a ton of makeup or high fashion clothes. But having a presentable and healthy appearance is good. Consider wearing a mild perfume.
For guys, avoid looking like you just rolled out of bed. Make sure to have clean outfits. Consider wearing cologne.
2-5. Avoid over-analyzing the situation.
Your crush is likely someone you know, but aren't close friends with yet. Like anyone new, it may lead to something close, or not. Avoid idealizing your crush. He or she is still a regular person, just like everyone else.
It takes time to develop a new friendship or relationship. Your crush will not notice your overnight.
Realize that your crush may not intentionally be ignoring you. If it's a large class, school, or workplace, oftentimes you may not notice someone until you interact with them a few times one-on-one.
3. Showing that You're Interested
3-1. Make time to talk one-on-one.
Find ways to separate yourself from your group of friends, and do something where it's just the two of you. Consider these ways:
Walk home with him or her after class.
Hang out in an area of the school, or after school where it's just you two for a little while.
Work on school work together.
Make yourself available to help him or her out with something.
3-2. Use your body language.
There are various ways to give non-verbal cues that you're interested. Make eye contact. Smile. Laugh when they say something funny. Put your hand on their shoulder. Place your hand near your lips while they talk. If he or she seems sad or worried about something, give a hug.
If you are sitting next to your crush on a long car ride, you can put your head on his or her shoulder.
See how your crush respond to your body language. Do they act the same way? Or do they pull back?
Non-verbal cues are a good way to understand what someone is thinking but not saying.
3-3. Flirt with your crush.
Consider being openly flirtatious by complimenting your crush. Say something that you like about them, without just saying "I like you." This can be through non-verbal body language, a note to them, or by directly talking with them about what you like about them.
Consider saying, "I really like talking to you" rather than just blurting out, "I like you."
Or consider saying things like, "I like your hair" or "I like hanging out with you" or "You're really cool."
3-4. Give them space.
If you're spending a lot of time around your crush, and they seem to be hesitant to talk, try to avoid coming off as clingy. It's the same for your friends, family, or anyone you spend time with. Showing that you are independent can actually make you more attractive.
Don't center all your time around your crush. Remember that there are lots of cool people and fun things to do out there. And your crush shouldn't be only thing that matters.
Your crush may notice you more after you've had some time apart. Let them miss you a little. Hopefully, they notice when you're not around.
Tips
Consider making friends with the friends of your crush. Getting to know his or her friends may help you to get closer to your crush.
Don't lie about yourself to make it seem like you're someone different than you are. They will eventually find out you lied.
Make jokes. Don’t be mean, but making a small joke at his or her expense can loosen tension and break the ice a bit. (Try to be even more ready to laugh at yourself. This can help melt the ice even more, because it helps your crush know your thoughts, know you, a little better).
Warnings
Avoid putting your crush on a pedestal. Get to really know him or her. Before you fall madly in love with someone, wouldn't you like to get to know what they are really like?
Avoid stalking your crush, or making them feel uncomfortable. If they ask you to back off a bit, be respectful of them. They are human, just like you, and likely need some space.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:28",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Finding a Connection\\n1-1. Find common interests.\\nOne of the simplest ways to be closer is to find activities and interests that you and your crush both like. Talk with your crush about something they like. Identify the interests that match your own, and spend more time on those activities.\\nConsider asking things like, \\\"What's it like being on the soccer team? I used to play soccer\\\" or, \\\"I noticed that you like to draw. What kind of things do you sketch? I like to sketch in a journal sometimes.\\\"\\nDo more of the activities that you both enjoy. Just make sure that not all your time is spent on this.\\nLook at the ways that you and your crush are different. Sometimes getting to know someone involves seeing how common interests may be different in approach.\\n1-2. Start off as friends.\\nThough your romantic feelings may be hard to control, it's important to get to know the 'real' person that is your crush. Wouldn't you want that person you like to be someone you also want to be friends with? \\nIf you don't feel like your crush would be a good friend, or that your interests are too different, think about what that may mean. Would you want to be close to someone who you don't think would be a good friend?\\nAllow your friendship to lead into romance, rather than the other way around. Don't rush into something. Try to find ways to keep your mind off your crush, and focus on how to be their friend first.\\nConsider asking your crush and his or her friends to hang out with you and your friends for a weekend event. Keep the interactions casual at first, rather than trying to find out if he or she likes you.\\n1-3. Be a good listener.\\nMake an effort to listen to what your crush likes. Be positive and smile. Give signs that you are listening to what he or she is saying. Don't be distracted by other things. Don't avert your eyes due to shyness.\\nWhen you actually listen to what your crush is saying, and not just think about the way he or she looks, you'll be able to really know what the person is like.\\nAfter listening, consider responding with, \\\"That's really interesting\\\" or \\\"Wow, that's cool.\\\"\\nAsk follow-up questions. When you are actively listening to your crush, you're paying attention to what he or she is saying. Ask for details about what they are talking about, or clarification if something sounds confusing.\\n2. Having Confidence\\n2-1. Be yourself.\\nIt's important to be your true self. Be honest about what you like and don't like. Don't try to be fake, or someone that you hate. Think about what things matter to you.\\nAct and dress in a way that feels comfortable and natural to you.\\n2-2. Have confidence.\\nYou are a unique and amazing person. Get yourself some credit, and be proud of who you are and what you've done. You don't need to shy away from being yourself, and showing others that you are confident.\\nBe positive and surround yourself with other people who are positive.\\n2-3. Be approachable and kind.\\nKindness is key. While being approachable and friendly may get your crush to notice you, they may be hesitant to be your friend, or let you be close if you're rude, cold, or stand-offish.\\nTry to overcome your shyness by at least having a short conversation. Consider compliment your crush. Or talk about something that you both are doing.\\nConsider saying things like, \\\"I like your shirt,\\\" or \\\"You play the guitar well.\\\"\\n2-4. Take care of your appearance.\\nBe presentable by taking care of your body. Have clean hair and nice clothes. You don't need to get \\\"dressed up\\\" every day, but someone is more likely to talk with you or notice you if you have a nice appearance.\\nAvoid wearing provocative clothes. You may be sending the wrong message to more than just your crush.\\nFor girls, you don't need a ton of makeup or high fashion clothes. But having a presentable and healthy appearance is good. Consider wearing a mild perfume.\\nFor guys, avoid looking like you just rolled out of bed. Make sure to have clean outfits. Consider wearing cologne.\\n2-5. Avoid over-analyzing the situation.\\nYour crush is likely someone you know, but aren't close friends with yet. Like anyone new, it may lead to something close, or not. Avoid idealizing your crush. He or she is still a regular person, just like everyone else. \\nIt takes time to develop a new friendship or relationship. Your crush will not notice your overnight.\\nRealize that your crush may not intentionally be ignoring you. If it's a large class, school, or workplace, oftentimes you may not notice someone until you interact with them a few times one-on-one.\\n3. Showing that You're Interested\\n3-1. Make time to talk one-on-one.\\nFind ways to separate yourself from your group of friends, and do something where it's just the two of you. Consider these ways:\\nWalk home with him or her after class.\\nHang out in an area of the school, or after school where it's just you two for a little while.\\nWork on school work together.\\nMake yourself available to help him or her out with something.\\n3-2. Use your body language.\\nThere are various ways to give non-verbal cues that you're interested. Make eye contact. Smile. Laugh when they say something funny. Put your hand on their shoulder. Place your hand near your lips while they talk. If he or she seems sad or worried about something, give a hug.\\nIf you are sitting next to your crush on a long car ride, you can put your head on his or her shoulder.\\nSee how your crush respond to your body language. Do they act the same way? Or do they pull back?\\nNon-verbal cues are a good way to understand what someone is thinking but not saying.\\n3-3. Flirt with your crush.\\nConsider being openly flirtatious by complimenting your crush. Say something that you like about them, without just saying \\\"I like you.\\\" This can be through non-verbal body language, a note to them, or by directly talking with them about what you like about them.\\nConsider saying, \\\"I really like talking to you\\\" rather than just blurting out, \\\"I like you.\\\"\\nOr consider saying things like, \\\"I like your hair\\\" or \\\"I like hanging out with you\\\" or \\\"You're really cool.\\\"\\n3-4. Give them space.\\nIf you're spending a lot of time around your crush, and they seem to be hesitant to talk, try to avoid coming off as clingy. It's the same for your friends, family, or anyone you spend time with. Showing that you are independent can actually make you more attractive.\\nDon't center all your time around your crush. Remember that there are lots of cool people and fun things to do out there. And your crush shouldn't be only thing that matters.\\nYour crush may notice you more after you've had some time apart. Let them miss you a little. Hopefully, they notice when you're not around.\\nTips\\nConsider making friends with the friends of your crush. Getting to know his or her friends may help you to get closer to your crush.\\nDon't lie about yourself to make it seem like you're someone different than you are. They will eventually find out you lied.\\nMake jokes. Don’t be mean, but making a small joke at his or her expense can loosen tension and break the ice a bit. (Try to be even more ready to laugh at yourself. This can help melt the ice even more, because it helps your crush know your thoughts, know you, a little better).\\nWarnings\\nAvoid putting your crush on a pedestal. Get to really know him or her. Before you fall madly in love with someone, wouldn't you like to get to know what they are really like?\\nAvoid stalking your crush, or making them feel uncomfortable. If they ask you to back off a bit, be respectful of them. They are human, just like you, and likely need some space.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Have a crush, and not sure what to do? You may be feeling awkward, shy, or confused. It's natural to be attracted to someone, but it may be difficult to turn it into something real. Take action, so you can turn a crush into a closer relationship. Consider these steps as a way to get your crush to be closer to you.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Finding a Connection\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Find common interests.\", \"描述\": \"One of the simplest ways to be closer is to find activities and interests that you and your crush both like. Talk with your crush about something they like. Identify the interests that match your own, and spend more time on those activities.\\nConsider asking things like, \\\"What's it like being on the soccer team? I used to play soccer\\\" or, \\\"I noticed that you like to draw. What kind of things do you sketch? I like to sketch in a journal sometimes.\\\"\\nDo more of the activities that you both enjoy. Just make sure that not all your time is spent on this.\\nLook at the ways that you and your crush are different. Sometimes getting to know someone involves seeing how common interests may be different in approach.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Start off as friends.\", \"描述\": \"Though your romantic feelings may be hard to control, it's important to get to know the 'real' person that is your crush. Wouldn't you want that person you like to be someone you also want to be friends with? \\nIf you don't feel like your crush would be a good friend, or that your interests are too different, think about what that may mean. Would you want to be close to someone who you don't think would be a good friend?\\nAllow your friendship to lead into romance, rather than the other way around. Don't rush into something. Try to find ways to keep your mind off your crush, and focus on how to be their friend first.\\nConsider asking your crush and his or her friends to hang out with you and your friends for a weekend event. Keep the interactions casual at first, rather than trying to find out if he or she likes you.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be a good listener.\", \"描述\": \"Make an effort to listen to what your crush likes. Be positive and smile. Give signs that you are listening to what he or she is saying. Don't be distracted by other things. Don't avert your eyes due to shyness.\\nWhen you actually listen to what your crush is saying, and not just think about the way he or she looks, you'll be able to really know what the person is like.\\nAfter listening, consider responding with, \\\"That's really interesting\\\" or \\\"Wow, that's cool.\\\"\\nAsk follow-up questions. When you are actively listening to your crush, you're paying attention to what he or she is saying. Ask for details about what they are talking about, or clarification if something sounds confusing.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Having Confidence\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be yourself.\", \"描述\": \"It's important to be your true self. Be honest about what you like and don't like. Don't try to be fake, or someone that you hate. Think about what things matter to you.\\nAct and dress in a way that feels comfortable and natural to you.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Have confidence.\", \"描述\": \"You are a unique and amazing person. Get yourself some credit, and be proud of who you are and what you've done. You don't need to shy away from being yourself, and showing others that you are confident.\\nBe positive and surround yourself with other people who are positive.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Be approachable and kind.\", \"描述\": \"Kindness is key. While being approachable and friendly may get your crush to notice you, they may be hesitant to be your friend, or let you be close if you're rude, cold, or stand-offish.\\nTry to overcome your shyness by at least having a short conversation. Consider compliment your crush. Or talk about something that you both are doing.\\nConsider saying things like, \\\"I like your shirt,\\\" or \\\"You play the guitar well.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Take care of your appearance.\", \"描述\": \"Be presentable by taking care of your body. Have clean hair and nice clothes. You don't need to get \\\"dressed up\\\" every day, but someone is more likely to talk with you or notice you if you have a nice appearance.\\nAvoid wearing provocative clothes. You may be sending the wrong message to more than just your crush.\\nFor girls, you don't need a ton of makeup or high fashion clothes. But having a presentable and healthy appearance is good. Consider wearing a mild perfume.\\nFor guys, avoid looking like you just rolled out of bed. Make sure to have clean outfits. Consider wearing cologne.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Avoid over-analyzing the situation.\", \"描述\": \"Your crush is likely someone you know, but aren't close friends with yet. Like anyone new, it may lead to something close, or not. Avoid idealizing your crush. He or she is still a regular person, just like everyone else. \\nIt takes time to develop a new friendship or relationship. Your crush will not notice your overnight.\\nRealize that your crush may not intentionally be ignoring you. If it's a large class, school, or workplace, oftentimes you may not notice someone until you interact with them a few times one-on-one.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Showing that You're Interested\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make time to talk one-on-one.\", \"描述\": \"Find ways to separate yourself from your group of friends, and do something where it's just the two of you. Consider these ways:\\nWalk home with him or her after class.\\nHang out in an area of the school, or after school where it's just you two for a little while.\\nWork on school work together.\\nMake yourself available to help him or her out with something.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Use your body language.\", \"描述\": \"There are various ways to give non-verbal cues that you're interested. Make eye contact. Smile. Laugh when they say something funny. Put your hand on their shoulder. Place your hand near your lips while they talk. If he or she seems sad or worried about something, give a hug.\\nIf you are sitting next to your crush on a long car ride, you can put your head on his or her shoulder.\\nSee how your crush respond to your body language. Do they act the same way? Or do they pull back?\\nNon-verbal cues are a good way to understand what someone is thinking but not saying.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Flirt with your crush.\", \"描述\": \"Consider being openly flirtatious by complimenting your crush. Say something that you like about them, without just saying \\\"I like you.\\\" This can be through non-verbal body language, a note to them, or by directly talking with them about what you like about them.\\nConsider saying, \\\"I really like talking to you\\\" rather than just blurting out, \\\"I like you.\\\"\\nOr consider saying things like, \\\"I like your hair\\\" or \\\"I like hanging out with you\\\" or \\\"You're really cool.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Give them space.\", \"描述\": \"If you're spending a lot of time around your crush, and they seem to be hesitant to talk, try to avoid coming off as clingy. It's the same for your friends, family, or anyone you spend time with. Showing that you are independent can actually make you more attractive.\\nDon't center all your time around your crush. Remember that there are lots of cool people and fun things to do out there. And your crush shouldn't be only thing that matters.\\nYour crush may notice you more after you've had some time apart. Let them miss you a little. Hopefully, they notice when you're not around.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Consider making friends with the friends of your crush. Getting to know his or her friends may help you to get closer to your crush.\\n\", \"Don't lie about yourself to make it seem like you're someone different than you are. They will eventually find out you lied.\\n\", \"Make jokes. Don’t be mean, but making a small joke at his or her expense can loosen tension and break the ice a bit. (Try to be even more ready to laugh at yourself. This can help melt the ice even more, because it helps your crush know your thoughts, know you, a little better).\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Avoid putting your crush on a pedestal. Get to really know him or her. Before you fall madly in love with someone, wouldn't you like to get to know what they are really like?\\n\", \"Avoid stalking your crush, or making them feel uncomfortable. If they ask you to back off a bit, be respectful of them. They are human, just like you, and likely need some space.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
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} | wikihow |
3,608 | How to Be Closer to Allah | 1. Steps
1-1. Read Qu'ran.
Read it in reverence and reflect: try to understand every word it says because it will help you a lot in your life and of course in the afterlife. The Qur'an has the solutions to all problems.
1-2. Pray five times a day.
Always pray on time. Never ignore a prayer or delay it. When you hear the adhan (call to pray), go pray as soon as possible. Try to relax in your prayer and forget everything that could bother you in life. And remember, you're with Allah now and He deserves your full attention.
1-3. Maintain good manners.
Never lie or steal, be nice to the people around you, be gracious towards your parents, keep your promises, always forgive and be nice. Even be kind to your enemies; the Qur'an tells us to "repel evil with good".
1-4. Avoid sins generally.
Don't insult others, don't delay or ignore duties and remember that Islam forbids all sexual activity outside marriage.
1-5. Stay modest.
Women should not expose their body or wear tight, revealing clothing. Men and women should respect the Islamic dress code by covering their awrah. For men, this is from the navel to the knees, and for women, any part of the body where adornments may be found, e.g anklets, henna, bracelets, earrings, etc. Generally awrah refers to the entire body except for the face; however in certain sects, the face is part of awrah as well. Modesty also applies to your behaviour. Muslim men should not stay close with unrelated women, and vice versa. Muslims are told to "lower their gaze".
1-6. Give "Zakah" or "Sadqah" (charity).
and donate as much as you can to the needy. The Qur'an says that those who give charity will have a "noble reward". Note that Zakah, being one of Islam's five pillars, is a must for all Muslims. Sadaqah is not compulsory, but highly recommended.
There are, however, restrictions on whom to help and whom not to. The Quran allows Muslims to donate charity to those who try to earn their own livelihood but aren't succeeding too much in it, not those who beg for it, for begging from humans is wrong.
Tips
Never forget to pray. It's the most important thing in Islam.
Connect with "Allah". Talk to Him when you feel down or when you feel good. Tell him about the things you want.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:28",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Steps\\n1-1. Read Qu'ran.\\nRead it in reverence and reflect: try to understand every word it says because it will help you a lot in your life and of course in the afterlife. The Qur'an has the solutions to all problems.\\n1-2. Pray five times a day.\\nAlways pray on time. Never ignore a prayer or delay it. When you hear the adhan (call to pray), go pray as soon as possible. Try to relax in your prayer and forget everything that could bother you in life. And remember, you're with Allah now and He deserves your full attention.\\n1-3. Maintain good manners.\\nNever lie or steal, be nice to the people around you, be gracious towards your parents, keep your promises, always forgive and be nice. Even be kind to your enemies; the Qur'an tells us to \\\"repel evil with good\\\".\\n1-4. Avoid sins generally.\\nDon't insult others, don't delay or ignore duties and remember that Islam forbids all sexual activity outside marriage.\\n1-5. Stay modest.\\nWomen should not expose their body or wear tight, revealing clothing. Men and women should respect the Islamic dress code by covering their awrah. For men, this is from the navel to the knees, and for women, any part of the body where adornments may be found, e.g anklets, henna, bracelets, earrings, etc. Generally awrah refers to the entire body except for the face; however in certain sects, the face is part of awrah as well. Modesty also applies to your behaviour. Muslim men should not stay close with unrelated women, and vice versa. Muslims are told to \\\"lower their gaze\\\".\\n1-6. Give \\\"Zakah\\\" or \\\"Sadqah\\\" (charity).\\nand donate as much as you can to the needy. The Qur'an says that those who give charity will have a \\\"noble reward\\\". Note that Zakah, being one of Islam's five pillars, is a must for all Muslims. Sadaqah is not compulsory, but highly recommended. \\nThere are, however, restrictions on whom to help and whom not to. The Quran allows Muslims to donate charity to those who try to earn their own livelihood but aren't succeeding too much in it, not those who beg for it, for begging from humans is wrong.\\nTips\\nNever forget to pray. It's the most important thing in Islam.\\nConnect with \\\"Allah\\\". Talk to Him when you feel down or when you feel good. Tell him about the things you want.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Being close to Allah (subhannahu wa ta'ala) is good for Muslims because they will get more rewards now and in the hereafter. This article will tell you how to be closer to Allah.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Steps\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Read Qu'ran.\", \"描述\": \"Read it in reverence and reflect: try to understand every word it says because it will help you a lot in your life and of course in the afterlife. The Qur'an has the solutions to all problems.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Pray five times a day.\", \"描述\": \"Always pray on time. Never ignore a prayer or delay it. When you hear the adhan (call to pray), go pray as soon as possible. Try to relax in your prayer and forget everything that could bother you in life. And remember, you're with Allah now and He deserves your full attention.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Maintain good manners.\", \"描述\": \"Never lie or steal, be nice to the people around you, be gracious towards your parents, keep your promises, always forgive and be nice. Even be kind to your enemies; the Qur'an tells us to \\\"repel evil with good\\\".\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Avoid sins generally.\", \"描述\": \"Don't insult others, don't delay or ignore duties and remember that Islam forbids all sexual activity outside marriage.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Stay modest.\", \"描述\": \"Women should not expose their body or wear tight, revealing clothing. Men and women should respect the Islamic dress code by covering their awrah. For men, this is from the navel to the knees, and for women, any part of the body where adornments may be found, e.g anklets, henna, bracelets, earrings, etc. Generally awrah refers to the entire body except for the face; however in certain sects, the face is part of awrah as well. Modesty also applies to your behaviour. Muslim men should not stay close with unrelated women, and vice versa. Muslims are told to \\\"lower their gaze\\\".\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Give \\\"Zakah\\\" or \\\"Sadqah\\\" (charity).\", \"描述\": \"and donate as much as you can to the needy. The Qur'an says that those who give charity will have a \\\"noble reward\\\". Note that Zakah, being one of Islam's five pillars, is a must for all Muslims. Sadaqah is not compulsory, but highly recommended. \\nThere are, however, restrictions on whom to help and whom not to. The Quran allows Muslims to donate charity to those who try to earn their own livelihood but aren't succeeding too much in it, not those who beg for it, for begging from humans is wrong.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Never forget to pray. It's the most important thing in Islam.\\n\", \"Connect with \\\"Allah\\\". Talk to Him when you feel down or when you feel good. Tell him about the things you want.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
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} | wikihow |
3,609 | How to Be Cocky | 1. Thinking Cocky
1-1. Believe that you're the best.
Cockiness comes from a confidence (many would say "arrogance") that you're the most competent, most interesting, best-looking person in the room (even if you're not!) You also need to believe the reverse - that most of the people you meet are all dull, boring, and/or incompetent. If you sincerely believe that you're number one and that almost everyone else can't touch you, the following steps will be much easier. They may even start to fall into place on their own.
Try to mentally elevate and venerate the things you're good at while giving little importance to the things you're bad at. Are you a great student but a bad athlete? Then think "I'm the smartest person I know. I'm going to land a sweet job one day. Who cares about these meat-head jocks that people seem to like so much? Sports aren't important - these guys will be washing my car in just a few years."
1-2. Take it for granted that everyone loves you.
A cocky person is the life of the party - any party. S/he is the reason that people are having fun. Keep this mentality at social gatherings - since everyone already likes you, you can skip boring small talk and get right to the interesting topics, like yourself! Assume a certain level of familiarity with everyone - if everyone's your friend, you can jump right into their conversations and even lightly tease them (like a friend would.)
For instance, let's say a cocky person has just arrived at a party. She sees a semi-close acquaintance having a conversation with someone in the corner. The cocky person might, without hesitation, wordlessly sneak up on her acquaintance, remaining just out of his line of sight, then chime in to the conversation unexpectedly as a shocking, funny prank. The assumption of familiarity is crucial - a less cocky person might have simply walked up to her acquaintance, made an awkward, stilted introduction, then excused herself from the conversation.
Sincerity is key here. People naturally look to others for social cues, so the more sincerely believe that you're the center of attention, the more other people will too.
1-3. Let your opinions be known.
The only time a cocky person is indecisive is when s/he is deciding which supermodel to ask out first. Cocky people have a strong opinion on almost everything and they're almost never afraid to share it. They don't worry about offending others because they know that they're right - if someone else doesn't want to admit it, that's not the cocky person's problem. A cocky person isn't afraid of a good debate - after all, he's sure to win because he knows he's right.
On the other hand, a cocky person won't ever embarrass himself by getting too emotionally invested in an argument. He feels no need to waste energy yelling or resorting to personal insults. After all, he's right-, so why would he need to?
A cocky person won't refrain from correcting someone out of politeness. Let's say his history teacher mistakenly says that East and West Germany reunited in 1989, not 1990. He will raise his hang and politely (but firmly) explain the teacher's mistake: "Excuse me, I think Germany was formally reunited in 1990. My Grandma was there."
1-4. Assume that everyone thinks you're hot.
Knowing that someone desires you is a big confidence booster - imagine how your confidence will skyrocket if you simply assume that everyone thinks you're hot stuff! Take great pride in your looks and your charm. Are you wearing a new outfit for the first time? Hold your head high - be confident that everyone's admiring you. Give an alluring smile to the guy that you're interested in. If you believe that everyone already is in love with you, you've got no reason to worry.
Truly cocky people exude an air of easy confidence, so even if you've put a great deal of effort into your appearance or behavior, act as if it's effortless. If complimented on a bold style choice, say "Oh this? Just something I found in the closet" rather than "It took me four hours to put together, so I sure hope it looks good!"
1-5. Don't let haters get you down.
Rock your flaws. It's sad, but true: no matter how excellent you are, you'll eventually run into people who refuse to give you the respect you deserve. You might even run into the occasional person who doesn't like you. Don't bother with such small-minded people. If they don't love you, there's something wrong with them, not you.
Haters often are aiming to get a reaction out of you. Don't give haters what they want by letting them get you angry or flustered. Casually dismiss them with a line like, "You're just jealous because you share my impeccable taste in everything."
1-6. Get confident.
Cockiness is an exaggerated form of personal confidence. To be truly cocky, you've got to have a good, self-confident foundation to work with. Cockiness without real confidence comes across as pathetic posturing, which is the opposite of what you want. Rather than seeming like you're not worried about what people think, you'll seem to be worried about what everyone thinks.
If you're not confident, there's no magic way to become so overnight, However, to start down the path towards confidence, begin by working towards achievements that make you proud. The good feeling you get from making these achievements will fuel you make bigger achievements, and, ultimately, become more skilled, experienced, and confident.
2. Acting Cocky
2-1. Let everyone know how awesome you are.
Don't be afraid to share your greatness. If you've gotten the hang of thinking of yourself as the top dog, it's time to start spreading the word. Here, a little finesse is required - if you simply walk around telling everyone you meet that you're great and they're garbage, people will think you're a bully or a psychopath. Instead, just use the opportunities you get in normal conversations to slip in cocky mentions of yourself.
For example, if your friends are discussing last weekend's big soccer game, you might say, "Yeah, Beckham's goal was alright, but his passing game was pretty sloppy. When I played club soccer, I wouldn't have let the ball get away from me so often."
When you're in a competition against someone, it's very cocky to engage in a little trash talk. If you're competing against a romantic interest, it can even be a little flirtatious. Just make sure to keep away from low blows - if you're really cruel, you can get penalized or ejected.
2-2. Take compliments like a champ.
If you get a compliment (and you will), take it while subtly acknowledging that you already know you're the best. Instead of saying, "Really? Gee, thanks!" when you get a compliment, instead say "Thanks, that's great to hear." You want to give other people the impression that you're not surprised that everyone's jealous of you. Show the world that you expect to be adored.
2-3. Show your achievements off.
Truly cocky people have things to be cocky about. Be proud about whatever you've achieved in life. Bring these things up whenever you get the chance. Whenever you make a new achievement, relish your victory. Celebrate with your friends. Act especially confident and self-assured afterwords. You might even consider changing your appearance after you've achieved something (within reason.) After a big sports victory, you might, for instance, wear your jersey or letterman jacket to school the next day.
Be warned - rubbing an opponent's nose in his or her failure is not good cocky behavior. It's embarrassing for everyone involved, especially you. Being a sore winner reeks of low confidence - cocky people know they're going to win ahead of time, so they're not hard on their opponents when their prediction comes true.
2-4. Get some serious friends.
A cocky person doesn't have to have millions of fake friends and hangers-on. In fact, a person who worries too much about how many friends s/he has seems insecure - the opposite of cocky. You should, however, have a posse of people you can confidently call homie, dog, bud, or pal. The knowledge that you have people you can turn to when life gets tough will make you more confident and willing to take risks. Also, good friends are great companions or wingmen for your cocky pursuits!
2-5. Be generous with your affection.
Properly applied, the sense of touch can be used create a lasting impression that you're confident about your body. However, if you're too generous with when and where you touch people, you'll be labeled a creep. This distinction can be a thin line, so to start with small, simple shows of affection. When greeting someone, give him or her a hug instead of a handshake. If someone says something funny, gently touch his or her shoulder as you laugh. Stand close to someone you like, brushing up against him or her "accidentally." Making these small affectionate gestures can go a long way towards showing you're confident and not worried about peoples' reactions to your affection - in a word, cocky.
Cocky touching is great for flirting as long as it's used within reason. Adjust your body language to suit your partners' - if at any point s/he seems uncomfortable or creeped out, ease off on your shows of affection.
2-6. Flirt like a player.
Cocky people know they're universally desired, so they have no trouble flirting with the people that they're "in to." They approach romantic interests without hesitation. They're cool and confident when they talk to people that they "dig." They're never afraid of being rebuffed. After all, they know that people should be flattered by the opportunity to be hit on by an absolute stud!
Cocky people are shameless when they flirt. Be scandalous! Let a person you're interested in know exactly how you feel, while stopping just short of things that you think will creep him or her out.
2-7. Move on from life's inevitable difficulties.
No one's life is perfect. Even the most confident, self-assured people in the world have to deal with periodic setbacks and problems. Take these as they come - there's no way to avoid every single hardship in life. Don't feel the need to keep up a cocky façade when you're hurting. If, for instance, you lose a beloved relative, your normal cockiness will seem very unnatural and forced. has occasional bad spells - if you pretend that you don't, you'll only make if harder to move on. Give your problems the attention they deserve and you'll eventually be back to your old cocky self.
Cockiness is partly self-deception. Cocky people create idealized visions of themselves in their mind and act as if these "perfect" visions are the reality, when in fact, they are not. Temporary difficulties are great opportunities for self-reflection. Ask yourself questions like "In what ways have I had an unrealistic image of myself?" and "Have I been too cocky?" Life's difficulties can act as checks on out-of-control egos and keep us from becoming insufferable narcissists.
3. Looking Cocky
3-1. Keep a strong, secure posture.
One great way of telegraphing to everyone in the room that you're cocky is to display this trait with confident body language. You'll want to have a broad, erect stance as your default way of standing. Keep your shoulders back and your head up while holding your chest up. It sounds crazy, but it works - changing from a slouched or slumped default posture to a more dignified one can make a marked difference on how people think of you (and how you think of yourself.)
3-2. Show your cockiness on your face.
Cocky people know that they're the coolest person to walk the face of the earth - their faces should reflect this. A cocky person is perpetually amused with himself. Keep a proud smile on your face whenever you can. When you're interacting with someone, especially if it's someone you're interested in romantically, you might want to add a little mischievousness to your expression, as if you consider the conversation to be an amusing game.
These relatively small changes to your expression can cause significant changes in your behavior. Pretending to feel a certain way can actually make you feel that way, which will make your cockiness seem all the more natural.
3-3. Display your cockiness in the way you move.
Cocky people always know what they're doing and where they're going. Your movements should reflect this. Walk with confidence - keep your head up and your shoulders back as you take fairly quick strides toward where you want to go. Whenever possible, walk in a straight line to your desired location. Don't slow down or dawdle unless you come across something or someone who interests you.
Ideally, you want to create the impression that everything you do is important, so walk as if you need to make an important appointment. Most people will naturally assume that you are important.
3-4. Show off your best features.
Cocky people know they're hot! Dress to show off the hottest aspects of your body. If you've got great, muscly arms, wear short sleeves to have the ladies swooning. Have you got long, sexy legs? Show them off with some tight jeans! Don't be shy - you're the best-looking person you know, so it'd be a disservice not to flaunt what you've got.
3-5. Appear bold, not defensive.
Cocky people have confidence in their opinions - the way they gesture and position their body should reflect this. Always face and make eye contact with whomever you're talking to. Generally, you should position yourself so that the front of your body is facing whoever you're engaged with - a good rule is to keep your belly button pointed at whoever's most interesting to you at a given moment. This way, even if you have to momentarily avert your gaze for some reason, the full weight of your body language is still brought to bear on who you're talking to.
Don't appear defensive during confrontations. For instance, if you're engaged in an argument or debate, don't cross your arms and look away. Instead, point your body directly at your opponent and look him or her in the eye.
Make gestures with confidence. If someone asks you which way is North, instead of feebly pointing with a finger held close to your body, extend your entire arm.
Tips
Never doubt what you say be confident and be cocky.
Always have good posture. If you ever get caught having something wrong with you, it will be held against you.
Never, ever be boring. Always have something interesting in mind to talk about or do.
Warnings
Don't act as a wannabe. Wannabes try to act all cocky, but they don't know all the details about it. They will just try to copy you.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:29",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Thinking Cocky\\n1-1. Believe that you're the best.\\nCockiness comes from a confidence (many would say \\\"arrogance\\\") that you're the most competent, most interesting, best-looking person in the room (even if you're not!) You also need to believe the reverse - that most of the people you meet are all dull, boring, and/or incompetent. If you sincerely believe that you're number one and that almost everyone else can't touch you, the following steps will be much easier. They may even start to fall into place on their own.\\nTry to mentally elevate and venerate the things you're good at while giving little importance to the things you're bad at. Are you a great student but a bad athlete? Then think \\\"I'm the smartest person I know. I'm going to land a sweet job one day. Who cares about these meat-head jocks that people seem to like so much? Sports aren't important - these guys will be washing my car in just a few years.\\\"\\n1-2. Take it for granted that everyone loves you.\\nA cocky person is the life of the party - any party. S/he is the reason that people are having fun. Keep this mentality at social gatherings - since everyone already likes you, you can skip boring small talk and get right to the interesting topics, like yourself! Assume a certain level of familiarity with everyone - if everyone's your friend, you can jump right into their conversations and even lightly tease them (like a friend would.)\\nFor instance, let's say a cocky person has just arrived at a party. She sees a semi-close acquaintance having a conversation with someone in the corner. The cocky person might, without hesitation, wordlessly sneak up on her acquaintance, remaining just out of his line of sight, then chime in to the conversation unexpectedly as a shocking, funny prank. The assumption of familiarity is crucial - a less cocky person might have simply walked up to her acquaintance, made an awkward, stilted introduction, then excused herself from the conversation.\\nSincerity is key here. People naturally look to others for social cues, so the more sincerely believe that you're the center of attention, the more other people will too.\\n1-3. Let your opinions be known.\\nThe only time a cocky person is indecisive is when s/he is deciding which supermodel to ask out first. Cocky people have a strong opinion on almost everything and they're almost never afraid to share it. They don't worry about offending others because they know that they're right - if someone else doesn't want to admit it, that's not the cocky person's problem. A cocky person isn't afraid of a good debate - after all, he's sure to win because he knows he's right.\\nOn the other hand, a cocky person won't ever embarrass himself by getting too emotionally invested in an argument. He feels no need to waste energy yelling or resorting to personal insults. After all, he's right-, so why would he need to?\\nA cocky person won't refrain from correcting someone out of politeness. Let's say his history teacher mistakenly says that East and West Germany reunited in 1989, not 1990. He will raise his hang and politely (but firmly) explain the teacher's mistake: \\\"Excuse me, I think Germany was formally reunited in 1990. My Grandma was there.\\\"\\n1-4. Assume that everyone thinks you're hot.\\nKnowing that someone desires you is a big confidence booster - imagine how your confidence will skyrocket if you simply assume that everyone thinks you're hot stuff! Take great pride in your looks and your charm. Are you wearing a new outfit for the first time? Hold your head high - be confident that everyone's admiring you. Give an alluring smile to the guy that you're interested in. If you believe that everyone already is in love with you, you've got no reason to worry.\\nTruly cocky people exude an air of easy confidence, so even if you've put a great deal of effort into your appearance or behavior, act as if it's effortless. If complimented on a bold style choice, say \\\"Oh this? Just something I found in the closet\\\" rather than \\\"It took me four hours to put together, so I sure hope it looks good!\\\"\\n1-5. Don't let haters get you down.\\nRock your flaws. It's sad, but true: no matter how excellent you are, you'll eventually run into people who refuse to give you the respect you deserve. You might even run into the occasional person who doesn't like you. Don't bother with such small-minded people. If they don't love you, there's something wrong with them, not you.\\nHaters often are aiming to get a reaction out of you. Don't give haters what they want by letting them get you angry or flustered. Casually dismiss them with a line like, \\\"You're just jealous because you share my impeccable taste in everything.\\\"\\n1-6. Get confident.\\nCockiness is an exaggerated form of personal confidence. To be truly cocky, you've got to have a good, self-confident foundation to work with. Cockiness without real confidence comes across as pathetic posturing, which is the opposite of what you want. Rather than seeming like you're not worried about what people think, you'll seem to be worried about what everyone thinks.\\nIf you're not confident, there's no magic way to become so overnight, However, to start down the path towards confidence, begin by working towards achievements that make you proud. The good feeling you get from making these achievements will fuel you make bigger achievements, and, ultimately, become more skilled, experienced, and confident.\\n2. Acting Cocky\\n2-1. Let everyone know how awesome you are.\\nDon't be afraid to share your greatness. If you've gotten the hang of thinking of yourself as the top dog, it's time to start spreading the word. Here, a little finesse is required - if you simply walk around telling everyone you meet that you're great and they're garbage, people will think you're a bully or a psychopath. Instead, just use the opportunities you get in normal conversations to slip in cocky mentions of yourself.\\nFor example, if your friends are discussing last weekend's big soccer game, you might say, \\\"Yeah, Beckham's goal was alright, but his passing game was pretty sloppy. When I played club soccer, I wouldn't have let the ball get away from me so often.\\\"\\nWhen you're in a competition against someone, it's very cocky to engage in a little trash talk. If you're competing against a romantic interest, it can even be a little flirtatious. Just make sure to keep away from low blows - if you're really cruel, you can get penalized or ejected.\\n2-2. Take compliments like a champ.\\nIf you get a compliment (and you will), take it while subtly acknowledging that you already know you're the best. Instead of saying, \\\"Really? Gee, thanks!\\\" when you get a compliment, instead say \\\"Thanks, that's great to hear.\\\" You want to give other people the impression that you're not surprised that everyone's jealous of you. Show the world that you expect to be adored.\\n2-3. Show your achievements off.\\nTruly cocky people have things to be cocky about. Be proud about whatever you've achieved in life. Bring these things up whenever you get the chance. Whenever you make a new achievement, relish your victory. Celebrate with your friends. Act especially confident and self-assured afterwords. You might even consider changing your appearance after you've achieved something (within reason.) After a big sports victory, you might, for instance, wear your jersey or letterman jacket to school the next day.\\nBe warned - rubbing an opponent's nose in his or her failure is not good cocky behavior. It's embarrassing for everyone involved, especially you. Being a sore winner reeks of low confidence - cocky people know they're going to win ahead of time, so they're not hard on their opponents when their prediction comes true.\\n2-4. Get some serious friends.\\nA cocky person doesn't have to have millions of fake friends and hangers-on. In fact, a person who worries too much about how many friends s/he has seems insecure - the opposite of cocky. You should, however, have a posse of people you can confidently call homie, dog, bud, or pal. The knowledge that you have people you can turn to when life gets tough will make you more confident and willing to take risks. Also, good friends are great companions or wingmen for your cocky pursuits!\\n2-5. Be generous with your affection.\\nProperly applied, the sense of touch can be used create a lasting impression that you're confident about your body. However, if you're too generous with when and where you touch people, you'll be labeled a creep. This distinction can be a thin line, so to start with small, simple shows of affection. When greeting someone, give him or her a hug instead of a handshake. If someone says something funny, gently touch his or her shoulder as you laugh. Stand close to someone you like, brushing up against him or her \\\"accidentally.\\\" Making these small affectionate gestures can go a long way towards showing you're confident and not worried about peoples' reactions to your affection - in a word, cocky.\\nCocky touching is great for flirting as long as it's used within reason. Adjust your body language to suit your partners' - if at any point s/he seems uncomfortable or creeped out, ease off on your shows of affection.\\n2-6. Flirt like a player.\\nCocky people know they're universally desired, so they have no trouble flirting with the people that they're \\\"in to.\\\" They approach romantic interests without hesitation. They're cool and confident when they talk to people that they \\\"dig.\\\" They're never afraid of being rebuffed. After all, they know that people should be flattered by the opportunity to be hit on by an absolute stud!\\nCocky people are shameless when they flirt. Be scandalous! Let a person you're interested in know exactly how you feel, while stopping just short of things that you think will creep him or her out.\\n2-7. Move on from life's inevitable difficulties. \\nNo one's life is perfect. Even the most confident, self-assured people in the world have to deal with periodic setbacks and problems. Take these as they come - there's no way to avoid every single hardship in life. Don't feel the need to keep up a cocky façade when you're hurting. If, for instance, you lose a beloved relative, your normal cockiness will seem very unnatural and forced. has occasional bad spells - if you pretend that you don't, you'll only make if harder to move on. Give your problems the attention they deserve and you'll eventually be back to your old cocky self.\\nCockiness is partly self-deception. Cocky people create idealized visions of themselves in their mind and act as if these \\\"perfect\\\" visions are the reality, when in fact, they are not. Temporary difficulties are great opportunities for self-reflection. Ask yourself questions like \\\"In what ways have I had an unrealistic image of myself?\\\" and \\\"Have I been too cocky?\\\" Life's difficulties can act as checks on out-of-control egos and keep us from becoming insufferable narcissists.\\n3. Looking Cocky\\n3-1. Keep a strong, secure posture.\\nOne great way of telegraphing to everyone in the room that you're cocky is to display this trait with confident body language. You'll want to have a broad, erect stance as your default way of standing. Keep your shoulders back and your head up while holding your chest up. It sounds crazy, but it works - changing from a slouched or slumped default posture to a more dignified one can make a marked difference on how people think of you (and how you think of yourself.)\\n3-2. Show your cockiness on your face.\\nCocky people know that they're the coolest person to walk the face of the earth - their faces should reflect this. A cocky person is perpetually amused with himself. Keep a proud smile on your face whenever you can. When you're interacting with someone, especially if it's someone you're interested in romantically, you might want to add a little mischievousness to your expression, as if you consider the conversation to be an amusing game.\\nThese relatively small changes to your expression can cause significant changes in your behavior. Pretending to feel a certain way can actually make you feel that way, which will make your cockiness seem all the more natural.\\n3-3. Display your cockiness in the way you move.\\nCocky people always know what they're doing and where they're going. Your movements should reflect this. Walk with confidence - keep your head up and your shoulders back as you take fairly quick strides toward where you want to go. Whenever possible, walk in a straight line to your desired location. Don't slow down or dawdle unless you come across something or someone who interests you. \\nIdeally, you want to create the impression that everything you do is important, so walk as if you need to make an important appointment. Most people will naturally assume that you are important.\\n3-4. Show off your best features.\\nCocky people know they're hot! Dress to show off the hottest aspects of your body. If you've got great, muscly arms, wear short sleeves to have the ladies swooning. Have you got long, sexy legs? Show them off with some tight jeans! Don't be shy - you're the best-looking person you know, so it'd be a disservice not to flaunt what you've got.\\n3-5. Appear bold, not defensive.\\nCocky people have confidence in their opinions - the way they gesture and position their body should reflect this. Always face and make eye contact with whomever you're talking to. Generally, you should position yourself so that the front of your body is facing whoever you're engaged with - a good rule is to keep your belly button pointed at whoever's most interesting to you at a given moment. This way, even if you have to momentarily avert your gaze for some reason, the full weight of your body language is still brought to bear on who you're talking to.\\nDon't appear defensive during confrontations. For instance, if you're engaged in an argument or debate, don't cross your arms and look away. Instead, point your body directly at your opponent and look him or her in the eye.\\nMake gestures with confidence. If someone asks you which way is North, instead of feebly pointing with a finger held close to your body, extend your entire arm.\\nTips\\nNever doubt what you say be confident and be cocky.\\nAlways have good posture. If you ever get caught having something wrong with you, it will be held against you.\\nNever, ever be boring. Always have something interesting in mind to talk about or do.\\nWarnings\\nDon't act as a wannabe. Wannabes try to act all cocky, but they don't know all the details about it. They will just try to copy you.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Do you feel like no one appreciates your talents? Are you tired of other people walking all over you? It's time to get cocky! Follow the steps in this guide to re-invent yourself as a confident, take-charge individual. You'll learn to appreciate yourself, think and act confidently, and, most importantly, strut down the street like you own the place.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Thinking Cocky\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Believe that you're the best.\", \"描述\": \"Cockiness comes from a confidence (many would say \\\"arrogance\\\") that you're the most competent, most interesting, best-looking person in the room (even if you're not!) You also need to believe the reverse - that most of the people you meet are all dull, boring, and/or incompetent. If you sincerely believe that you're number one and that almost everyone else can't touch you, the following steps will be much easier. They may even start to fall into place on their own.\\nTry to mentally elevate and venerate the things you're good at while giving little importance to the things you're bad at. Are you a great student but a bad athlete? Then think \\\"I'm the smartest person I know. I'm going to land a sweet job one day. Who cares about these meat-head jocks that people seem to like so much? Sports aren't important - these guys will be washing my car in just a few years.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Take it for granted that everyone loves you.\", \"描述\": \"A cocky person is the life of the party - any party. S/he is the reason that people are having fun. Keep this mentality at social gatherings - since everyone already likes you, you can skip boring small talk and get right to the interesting topics, like yourself! Assume a certain level of familiarity with everyone - if everyone's your friend, you can jump right into their conversations and even lightly tease them (like a friend would.)\\nFor instance, let's say a cocky person has just arrived at a party. She sees a semi-close acquaintance having a conversation with someone in the corner. The cocky person might, without hesitation, wordlessly sneak up on her acquaintance, remaining just out of his line of sight, then chime in to the conversation unexpectedly as a shocking, funny prank. The assumption of familiarity is crucial - a less cocky person might have simply walked up to her acquaintance, made an awkward, stilted introduction, then excused herself from the conversation.\\nSincerity is key here. People naturally look to others for social cues, so the more sincerely believe that you're the center of attention, the more other people will too.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Let your opinions be known.\", \"描述\": \"The only time a cocky person is indecisive is when s/he is deciding which supermodel to ask out first. Cocky people have a strong opinion on almost everything and they're almost never afraid to share it. They don't worry about offending others because they know that they're right - if someone else doesn't want to admit it, that's not the cocky person's problem. A cocky person isn't afraid of a good debate - after all, he's sure to win because he knows he's right.\\nOn the other hand, a cocky person won't ever embarrass himself by getting too emotionally invested in an argument. He feels no need to waste energy yelling or resorting to personal insults. After all, he's right-, so why would he need to?\\nA cocky person won't refrain from correcting someone out of politeness. Let's say his history teacher mistakenly says that East and West Germany reunited in 1989, not 1990. He will raise his hang and politely (but firmly) explain the teacher's mistake: \\\"Excuse me, I think Germany was formally reunited in 1990. My Grandma was there.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Assume that everyone thinks you're hot.\", \"描述\": \"Knowing that someone desires you is a big confidence booster - imagine how your confidence will skyrocket if you simply assume that everyone thinks you're hot stuff! Take great pride in your looks and your charm. Are you wearing a new outfit for the first time? Hold your head high - be confident that everyone's admiring you. Give an alluring smile to the guy that you're interested in. If you believe that everyone already is in love with you, you've got no reason to worry.\\nTruly cocky people exude an air of easy confidence, so even if you've put a great deal of effort into your appearance or behavior, act as if it's effortless. If complimented on a bold style choice, say \\\"Oh this? Just something I found in the closet\\\" rather than \\\"It took me four hours to put together, so I sure hope it looks good!\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Don't let haters get you down.\", \"描述\": \"Rock your flaws. It's sad, but true: no matter how excellent you are, you'll eventually run into people who refuse to give you the respect you deserve. You might even run into the occasional person who doesn't like you. Don't bother with such small-minded people. If they don't love you, there's something wrong with them, not you.\\nHaters often are aiming to get a reaction out of you. Don't give haters what they want by letting them get you angry or flustered. Casually dismiss them with a line like, \\\"You're just jealous because you share my impeccable taste in everything.\\\"\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Get confident.\", \"描述\": \"Cockiness is an exaggerated form of personal confidence. To be truly cocky, you've got to have a good, self-confident foundation to work with. Cockiness without real confidence comes across as pathetic posturing, which is the opposite of what you want. Rather than seeming like you're not worried about what people think, you'll seem to be worried about what everyone thinks.\\nIf you're not confident, there's no magic way to become so overnight, However, to start down the path towards confidence, begin by working towards achievements that make you proud. The good feeling you get from making these achievements will fuel you make bigger achievements, and, ultimately, become more skilled, experienced, and confident.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Acting Cocky\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Let everyone know how awesome you are.\", \"描述\": \"Don't be afraid to share your greatness. If you've gotten the hang of thinking of yourself as the top dog, it's time to start spreading the word. Here, a little finesse is required - if you simply walk around telling everyone you meet that you're great and they're garbage, people will think you're a bully or a psychopath. Instead, just use the opportunities you get in normal conversations to slip in cocky mentions of yourself.\\nFor example, if your friends are discussing last weekend's big soccer game, you might say, \\\"Yeah, Beckham's goal was alright, but his passing game was pretty sloppy. When I played club soccer, I wouldn't have let the ball get away from me so often.\\\"\\nWhen you're in a competition against someone, it's very cocky to engage in a little trash talk. If you're competing against a romantic interest, it can even be a little flirtatious. Just make sure to keep away from low blows - if you're really cruel, you can get penalized or ejected.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Take compliments like a champ.\", \"描述\": \"If you get a compliment (and you will), take it while subtly acknowledging that you already know you're the best. Instead of saying, \\\"Really? Gee, thanks!\\\" when you get a compliment, instead say \\\"Thanks, that's great to hear.\\\" You want to give other people the impression that you're not surprised that everyone's jealous of you. Show the world that you expect to be adored.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Show your achievements off.\", \"描述\": \"Truly cocky people have things to be cocky about. Be proud about whatever you've achieved in life. Bring these things up whenever you get the chance. Whenever you make a new achievement, relish your victory. Celebrate with your friends. Act especially confident and self-assured afterwords. You might even consider changing your appearance after you've achieved something (within reason.) After a big sports victory, you might, for instance, wear your jersey or letterman jacket to school the next day.\\nBe warned - rubbing an opponent's nose in his or her failure is not good cocky behavior. It's embarrassing for everyone involved, especially you. Being a sore winner reeks of low confidence - cocky people know they're going to win ahead of time, so they're not hard on their opponents when their prediction comes true.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Get some serious friends.\", \"描述\": \"A cocky person doesn't have to have millions of fake friends and hangers-on. In fact, a person who worries too much about how many friends s/he has seems insecure - the opposite of cocky. You should, however, have a posse of people you can confidently call homie, dog, bud, or pal. The knowledge that you have people you can turn to when life gets tough will make you more confident and willing to take risks. Also, good friends are great companions or wingmen for your cocky pursuits!\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Be generous with your affection.\", \"描述\": \"Properly applied, the sense of touch can be used create a lasting impression that you're confident about your body. However, if you're too generous with when and where you touch people, you'll be labeled a creep. This distinction can be a thin line, so to start with small, simple shows of affection. When greeting someone, give him or her a hug instead of a handshake. If someone says something funny, gently touch his or her shoulder as you laugh. Stand close to someone you like, brushing up against him or her \\\"accidentally.\\\" Making these small affectionate gestures can go a long way towards showing you're confident and not worried about peoples' reactions to your affection - in a word, cocky.\\nCocky touching is great for flirting as long as it's used within reason. Adjust your body language to suit your partners' - if at any point s/he seems uncomfortable or creeped out, ease off on your shows of affection.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Flirt like a player.\", \"描述\": \"Cocky people know they're universally desired, so they have no trouble flirting with the people that they're \\\"in to.\\\" They approach romantic interests without hesitation. They're cool and confident when they talk to people that they \\\"dig.\\\" They're never afraid of being rebuffed. After all, they know that people should be flattered by the opportunity to be hit on by an absolute stud!\\nCocky people are shameless when they flirt. Be scandalous! Let a person you're interested in know exactly how you feel, while stopping just short of things that you think will creep him or her out.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Move on from life's inevitable difficulties.\", \"描述\": \"No one's life is perfect. Even the most confident, self-assured people in the world have to deal with periodic setbacks and problems. Take these as they come - there's no way to avoid every single hardship in life. Don't feel the need to keep up a cocky façade when you're hurting. If, for instance, you lose a beloved relative, your normal cockiness will seem very unnatural and forced. has occasional bad spells - if you pretend that you don't, you'll only make if harder to move on. Give your problems the attention they deserve and you'll eventually be back to your old cocky self.\\nCockiness is partly self-deception. Cocky people create idealized visions of themselves in their mind and act as if these \\\"perfect\\\" visions are the reality, when in fact, they are not. Temporary difficulties are great opportunities for self-reflection. Ask yourself questions like \\\"In what ways have I had an unrealistic image of myself?\\\" and \\\"Have I been too cocky?\\\" Life's difficulties can act as checks on out-of-control egos and keep us from becoming insufferable narcissists.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Looking Cocky\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Keep a strong, secure posture.\", \"描述\": \"One great way of telegraphing to everyone in the room that you're cocky is to display this trait with confident body language. You'll want to have a broad, erect stance as your default way of standing. Keep your shoulders back and your head up while holding your chest up. It sounds crazy, but it works - changing from a slouched or slumped default posture to a more dignified one can make a marked difference on how people think of you (and how you think of yourself.)\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Show your cockiness on your face.\", \"描述\": \"Cocky people know that they're the coolest person to walk the face of the earth - their faces should reflect this. A cocky person is perpetually amused with himself. Keep a proud smile on your face whenever you can. When you're interacting with someone, especially if it's someone you're interested in romantically, you might want to add a little mischievousness to your expression, as if you consider the conversation to be an amusing game.\\nThese relatively small changes to your expression can cause significant changes in your behavior. Pretending to feel a certain way can actually make you feel that way, which will make your cockiness seem all the more natural.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Display your cockiness in the way you move.\", \"描述\": \"Cocky people always know what they're doing and where they're going. Your movements should reflect this. Walk with confidence - keep your head up and your shoulders back as you take fairly quick strides toward where you want to go. Whenever possible, walk in a straight line to your desired location. Don't slow down or dawdle unless you come across something or someone who interests you. \\nIdeally, you want to create the impression that everything you do is important, so walk as if you need to make an important appointment. Most people will naturally assume that you are important.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Show off your best features.\", \"描述\": \"Cocky people know they're hot! Dress to show off the hottest aspects of your body. If you've got great, muscly arms, wear short sleeves to have the ladies swooning. Have you got long, sexy legs? Show them off with some tight jeans! Don't be shy - you're the best-looking person you know, so it'd be a disservice not to flaunt what you've got.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Appear bold, not defensive.\", \"描述\": \"Cocky people have confidence in their opinions - the way they gesture and position their body should reflect this. Always face and make eye contact with whomever you're talking to. Generally, you should position yourself so that the front of your body is facing whoever you're engaged with - a good rule is to keep your belly button pointed at whoever's most interesting to you at a given moment. This way, even if you have to momentarily avert your gaze for some reason, the full weight of your body language is still brought to bear on who you're talking to.\\nDon't appear defensive during confrontations. For instance, if you're engaged in an argument or debate, don't cross your arms and look away. Instead, point your body directly at your opponent and look him or her in the eye.\\nMake gestures with confidence. If someone asks you which way is North, instead of feebly pointing with a finger held close to your body, extend your entire arm.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Never doubt what you say be confident and be cocky.\\n\", \"Always have good posture. If you ever get caught having something wrong with you, it will be held against you.\\n\", \"Never, ever be boring. Always have something interesting in mind to talk about or do.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Don't act as a wannabe. Wannabes try to act all cocky, but they don't know all the details about it. They will just try to copy you.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,610 | How to Be Cocky Funny over Text | 1. “I’m here. What were your other two wishes?”
A little bit of arrogance will grab their attention.
Just make sure your text is so over the top that it’s obviously a joke. Send it as an opener to kick off the convo and talk about how great you are. They’ll either laugh or totally agree with you.
“You've missed me. In fact, you’ve been thinking about me all day. 😏”
“Admit it. Life just isn’t the same without me around.”
“Name one other person who kills your boredom like I do. I’ll wait.”
2. “You’ll have to wait for a piece of this!”
Play hard to get to work up their appetite.
You can either text them out of the blue, or you can hit back and say you're really busy if they ask to hang out. You’ll fire up their curiosity, and they’ll wonder when they can finally have you to themselves.
“I’ve got way too much to do. Get in line if you want some of my time! ⌚”
“I’ve got a lot on my plate. If I’m going to drop everything, what do you bring to the table?”
“You’ll never meet anyone more busy than me. I swear.”
3. “I’m such a bad influence….”
Talk about the trouble you got into and they’ll imagine how wild you are.
When you open up about your day, focus on any new or exciting details. Also share any ways you were adventurous. They’ll crave hearing more updates from you.
“My friends shouldn’t bring me to the club. 🍸 I steal the show every time…”
“You won’t believe this, but I met a professional mime today, and I asked him if he’d teach me some top-secret moves…”
“I’m not a role model, but, you know what. I shake things up. Today, I…”
4. “Busy day! Anyway, I’m going to bed.”
Play up a sense of mystery to keep their mind on you.
If they reach out to you, wait 3 or more hours to reply. Give vague details about what you’ve been up to, then just disappear. They’ll want to know all your secrets, and they’ll want to chat ASAP.
“One adventure after the other! I’ll hit you back after I get some sleep. 😴”
“Today was a trip. Way too much to say about it. But not right now!”
“Oh, hey, you texted! It’s been non-stop today. I promise I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.”
5. “Just finished my shift and hung up my cape!”
Text them something random to show off your creativity.
Stand out from the crowd and send a quick story you just made up. You’ll score extra points if it’s a line your crush has never heard before. They’ll forget anyone else they’re talking to and be hooked on you.
“Being a full-time Netflix viewer is tiring. 🎞️ Need to cut my workload in half!”
“Just got enlisted in the CIA today…”
“Signed up for extreme ironing. My biceps are next-level now. 💪🏼”
6. “We’d fight all the time… and I’d win!”
Joke about playful arguments to spark some chemistry.
Tease them and work them up to create some tension. When you use a chill and casual tone, they’ll know your little debates are just for fun.
“You really think that?! Wait till you hear my opinion. You’ll rip me apart. 🦁”
“Jeez, how’re we ever going to get along?! 😜”
“Can we find one thing to agree on? 😉”
7. “Just DMing you because you seem like a cool person.”
Use a laidback compliment to come off as relaxed.
Make them smile with a sincere comment about a hobby or interest of theirs. They won’t be able to tell if you’re hitting on them or just making a new friend because you’re so social.
“Hey, you love mixed-breed dogs, too. 🐕🦺 I like that.”
“That’s an impressive mural. You really painted that?”
“That vid of you bowling… wow. 🎳 I want you on my team.”
8. “You’re smart. Ready to be my personal assistant?”
Praise their intelligence and throw in some sarcasm to shock them.
Bring up one of their traits that you really admire, then follow up with a funny comment. They’re more likely to think you’re honest instead of just "nice" because you were so bold and creative.
“You always know what to say! You can be my speech writer. 📝”
“Good comebacks. 💥 Can I borrow some? I’d really pull them off.”
"That was really deep! 😲 Did you get that from a book or something?”
9. “Give your parents a high five for me. Nice work, there.”
Send indirect flattery and they’ll want the spotlight on them.
Hint that they’re attractive or smart. When you use a clever way to highlight what you like about them, they’ll want you to confess exactly how you’ll feel. You’ll create a fun little game that they’ll get addicted to.
“That fancy education was put to good use! 👍”
“That outfit looks insanely elegant. Great purchase. 🏷️”
“That song was spellbinding. 🎙️ Who’s your vocal coach?”
10. “That’s how you’re planning on seducing me? Might work.”
Ask a flirty question to create some tension.
If you noticed a new side to their personality on social media or they just made a remark that made you laugh, talk about the effect it had on you. Act like you’re not totally won over just yet. They’ll be curious about what will finally do the trick.
“You bake? Trying to win my heart? Maybe if you send some cookies over…🍪”
“You’re funny. 😆 I might fall for you if you tell too many jokes. Slow down.”
“You’re nice. Maybe… too nice. 🤔 You seem too good to be true.”
11. “Need someone cute to distract me.”
Confess your crush to show off how bold you are.
Express your attraction to them, but act very casual. When you compliment their looks, mention that you’re a little bored. They’ll get the sense that you’re after more than just appearances, but they'll probably also blush because you noticed them.
“I’d love for you to come over. You’re easy on the eyes. 👀”
“I’m bored, but I bet you can change that, cutie. 😉”
“I need a way to pass the time. You’re fun and hot, so why not? 🔥”
12. “Today is your lucky day… you get to go out with me.”
Joke that it's rare to score a date with you to make them smirk.
Tell them that you’re finally ready to spend one-on-one time together. When you make a big deal about how special they should feel, they’ll likely dig your sense of humor and imagine all the ways you’ll entertain them.
“You won the lotto! 🎫 A whole day with me!”
”You’re about to go on a whirlwind adventure. 🗺️ You get to see me.”
“Some people get all the luck. 🍀 Just don't rub it in that you get to date me!”
13. “Just get this over with and buy me dinner already!”
Playfully get on their case to ask you out to jump start a connection.
If you sense that they’re dropping a lot of hints or that you two are having an awesome conversation, suddenly bring up the possibility for a date. Make it sound like it was their idea and they might just make the first move.
“This is getting old. 🙄 I know you like me. Just ask me out already!”
“Try something new. 🎉 Work up the courage to admit you like me.”
“Treat yourself and buy me dinner. 🍝 You know you want to.”
14. “Wear something nice and meet me tonight.”
Be super assertive to make their heart race.
You could win a lot of points if you take the lead. After you’ve tested the waters and feel they’re comfortable with you, text a spontaneous invite. If they're shy, they'll like that you took initiative, and if they're more upfront, they'll like that you beat them to the punch.
“Don’t make any plans tonight. I have a spot I want to take you to.”
“Put your best outfit on. I want to show you off.”
“Can you be ready in a couple hours? I know a restaurant you’d love.”
15. “Any skills? I’ll date you if you’d survive on a desert island.”
Make them explain why you need them so they’ll want your approval.
Play off a question as random and hypothetical. Tease them a little bit and bring up what you want in someone you’re dating. You’ll encourage them to think about a relationship, and they might start to find ways to impress you.
“Can you hold your own during a trivia night? 📚 I need someone who knows random facts.”
“Are you down for a little trouble? 😈 I need a partner in crime.”
“Do you love to speak your mind? 🔊 I like someone who's opinionated.”
16. “I know I’m wildly interesting, but let’s talk about you.”
Drop the cockiness and ask them to open up to create some closeness.
Once you’ve experimented with some witty one-liners, shift the convo to an even friendlier tone. Say how interested you are to learn more about them. They’ll probably love how you’re the total package—cocky, funny, and actually pretty sweet.
“Yeah, I’m amazing, but I bet you are, too. 🙂 Let’s focus on you, now.”
“I’m just playing with you. 😂 Seriously, I like talking to you.”
“Just wanted to break the ice! 🧊 ⛏️ How’ve you been?”
Use emojis here and there to show that it is lighthearted and fun.
Don't stick to one topic for too long.
Send an interesting photo or song saying that it reminds you of them.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:29",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. “I’m here. What were your other two wishes?”\\nA little bit of arrogance will grab their attention.\\nJust make sure your text is so over the top that it’s obviously a joke. Send it as an opener to kick off the convo and talk about how great you are. They’ll either laugh or totally agree with you.\\n“You've missed me. In fact, you’ve been thinking about me all day. 😏”\\n“Admit it. Life just isn’t the same without me around.”\\n“Name one other person who kills your boredom like I do. I’ll wait.”\\n2. “You’ll have to wait for a piece of this!”\\nPlay hard to get to work up their appetite.\\nYou can either text them out of the blue, or you can hit back and say you're really busy if they ask to hang out. You’ll fire up their curiosity, and they’ll wonder when they can finally have you to themselves.\\n“I’ve got way too much to do. Get in line if you want some of my time! ⌚”\\n“I’ve got a lot on my plate. If I’m going to drop everything, what do you bring to the table?”\\n“You’ll never meet anyone more busy than me. I swear.”\\n3. “I’m such a bad influence….”\\nTalk about the trouble you got into and they’ll imagine how wild you are.\\nWhen you open up about your day, focus on any new or exciting details. Also share any ways you were adventurous. They’ll crave hearing more updates from you.\\n“My friends shouldn’t bring me to the club. 🍸 I steal the show every time…”\\n“You won’t believe this, but I met a professional mime today, and I asked him if he’d teach me some top-secret moves…”\\n“I’m not a role model, but, you know what. I shake things up. Today, I…”\\n4. “Busy day! Anyway, I’m going to bed.”\\nPlay up a sense of mystery to keep their mind on you.\\nIf they reach out to you, wait 3 or more hours to reply. Give vague details about what you’ve been up to, then just disappear. They’ll want to know all your secrets, and they’ll want to chat ASAP.\\n“One adventure after the other! I’ll hit you back after I get some sleep. 😴”\\n“Today was a trip. Way too much to say about it. But not right now!”\\n“Oh, hey, you texted! It’s been non-stop today. I promise I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.”\\n5. “Just finished my shift and hung up my cape!”\\nText them something random to show off your creativity.\\nStand out from the crowd and send a quick story you just made up. You’ll score extra points if it’s a line your crush has never heard before. They’ll forget anyone else they’re talking to and be hooked on you.\\n“Being a full-time Netflix viewer is tiring. 🎞️ Need to cut my workload in half!”\\n“Just got enlisted in the CIA today…”\\n“Signed up for extreme ironing. My biceps are next-level now. 💪🏼”\\n6. “We’d fight all the time… and I’d win!”\\nJoke about playful arguments to spark some chemistry.\\nTease them and work them up to create some tension. When you use a chill and casual tone, they’ll know your little debates are just for fun.\\n“You really think that?! Wait till you hear my opinion. You’ll rip me apart. 🦁”\\n“Jeez, how’re we ever going to get along?! 😜”\\n“Can we find one thing to agree on? 😉”\\n7. “Just DMing you because you seem like a cool person.”\\nUse a laidback compliment to come off as relaxed.\\nMake them smile with a sincere comment about a hobby or interest of theirs. They won’t be able to tell if you’re hitting on them or just making a new friend because you’re so social. \\n“Hey, you love mixed-breed dogs, too. 🐕🦺 I like that.”\\n“That’s an impressive mural. You really painted that?”\\n“That vid of you bowling… wow. 🎳 I want you on my team.”\\n8. “You’re smart. Ready to be my personal assistant?”\\nPraise their intelligence and throw in some sarcasm to shock them.\\nBring up one of their traits that you really admire, then follow up with a funny comment. They’re more likely to think you’re honest instead of just \\\"nice\\\" because you were so bold and creative.\\n“You always know what to say! You can be my speech writer. 📝”\\n“Good comebacks. 💥 Can I borrow some? I’d really pull them off.”\\n\\\"That was really deep! 😲 Did you get that from a book or something?”\\n9. “Give your parents a high five for me. Nice work, there.”\\nSend indirect flattery and they’ll want the spotlight on them.\\nHint that they’re attractive or smart. When you use a clever way to highlight what you like about them, they’ll want you to confess exactly how you’ll feel. You’ll create a fun little game that they’ll get addicted to.\\n“That fancy education was put to good use! 👍”\\n“That outfit looks insanely elegant. Great purchase. 🏷️”\\n“That song was spellbinding. 🎙️ Who’s your vocal coach?”\\n10. “That’s how you’re planning on seducing me? Might work.”\\nAsk a flirty question to create some tension.\\nIf you noticed a new side to their personality on social media or they just made a remark that made you laugh, talk about the effect it had on you. Act like you’re not totally won over just yet. They’ll be curious about what will finally do the trick.\\n“You bake? Trying to win my heart? Maybe if you send some cookies over…🍪”\\n“You’re funny. 😆 I might fall for you if you tell too many jokes. Slow down.”\\n“You’re nice. Maybe… too nice. 🤔 You seem too good to be true.”\\n11. “Need someone cute to distract me.”\\nConfess your crush to show off how bold you are.\\nExpress your attraction to them, but act very casual. When you compliment their looks, mention that you’re a little bored. They’ll get the sense that you’re after more than just appearances, but they'll probably also blush because you noticed them.\\n“I’d love for you to come over. You’re easy on the eyes. 👀”\\n“I’m bored, but I bet you can change that, cutie. 😉”\\n“I need a way to pass the time. You’re fun and hot, so why not? 🔥”\\n12. “Today is your lucky day… you get to go out with me.”\\nJoke that it's rare to score a date with you to make them smirk.\\nTell them that you’re finally ready to spend one-on-one time together. When you make a big deal about how special they should feel, they’ll likely dig your sense of humor and imagine all the ways you’ll entertain them.\\n“You won the lotto! 🎫 A whole day with me!”\\n”You’re about to go on a whirlwind adventure. 🗺️ You get to see me.”\\n“Some people get all the luck. 🍀 Just don't rub it in that you get to date me!”\\n13. “Just get this over with and buy me dinner already!”\\nPlayfully get on their case to ask you out to jump start a connection.\\nIf you sense that they’re dropping a lot of hints or that you two are having an awesome conversation, suddenly bring up the possibility for a date. Make it sound like it was their idea and they might just make the first move.\\n“This is getting old. 🙄 I know you like me. Just ask me out already!”\\n“Try something new. 🎉 Work up the courage to admit you like me.”\\n“Treat yourself and buy me dinner. 🍝 You know you want to.”\\n14. “Wear something nice and meet me tonight.”\\nBe super assertive to make their heart race.\\nYou could win a lot of points if you take the lead. After you’ve tested the waters and feel they’re comfortable with you, text a spontaneous invite. If they're shy, they'll like that you took initiative, and if they're more upfront, they'll like that you beat them to the punch.\\n“Don’t make any plans tonight. I have a spot I want to take you to.”\\n“Put your best outfit on. I want to show you off.”\\n“Can you be ready in a couple hours? I know a restaurant you’d love.”\\n15. “Any skills? I’ll date you if you’d survive on a desert island.”\\nMake them explain why you need them so they’ll want your approval.\\nPlay off a question as random and hypothetical. Tease them a little bit and bring up what you want in someone you’re dating. You’ll encourage them to think about a relationship, and they might start to find ways to impress you.\\n“Can you hold your own during a trivia night? 📚 I need someone who knows random facts.”\\n“Are you down for a little trouble? 😈 I need a partner in crime.”\\n“Do you love to speak your mind? 🔊 I like someone who's opinionated.”\\n16. “I know I’m wildly interesting, but let’s talk about you.”\\nDrop the cockiness and ask them to open up to create some closeness.\\nOnce you’ve experimented with some witty one-liners, shift the convo to an even friendlier tone. Say how interested you are to learn more about them. They’ll probably love how you’re the total package—cocky, funny, and actually pretty sweet.\\n“Yeah, I’m amazing, but I bet you are, too. 🙂 Let’s focus on you, now.”\\n“I’m just playing with you. 😂 Seriously, I like talking to you.”\\n“Just wanted to break the ice! 🧊 ⛏️ How’ve you been?”\\nUse emojis here and there to show that it is lighthearted and fun.\\nDon't stick to one topic for too long.\\nSend an interesting photo or song saying that it reminds you of them.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Want to make someone cute laugh and get their attention right away? Sending cocky funny texts to your crush can kick things up a notch and make you seem cool and confident. If you’re ready to get a little flirty and really bold, we’ve got you covered. In this article, we’ll share fun ways to be cocky funny over text—try a couple out to crack up your crush and show off how confident you are.This article is based on an interview with our professional relationship coach, Imad Jbara. Check out the full interview here.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"“I’m here. What were your other two wishes?”\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"A little bit of arrogance will grab their attention.\", \"描述\": \"Just make sure your text is so over the top that it’s obviously a joke. Send it as an opener to kick off the convo and talk about how great you are. They’ll either laugh or totally agree with you.\\n“You've missed me. In fact, you’ve been thinking about me all day. 😏”\\n“Admit it. Life just isn’t the same without me around.”\\n“Name one other person who kills your boredom like I do. I’ll wait.”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"“You’ll have to wait for a piece of this!”\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Play hard to get to work up their appetite.\", \"描述\": \"You can either text them out of the blue, or you can hit back and say you're really busy if they ask to hang out. You’ll fire up their curiosity, and they’ll wonder when they can finally have you to themselves.\\n“I’ve got way too much to do. Get in line if you want some of my time! ⌚”\\n“I’ve got a lot on my plate. If I’m going to drop everything, what do you bring to the table?”\\n“You’ll never meet anyone more busy than me. I swear.”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"“I’m such a bad influence….”\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Talk about the trouble you got into and they’ll imagine how wild you are.\", \"描述\": \"When you open up about your day, focus on any new or exciting details. Also share any ways you were adventurous. They’ll crave hearing more updates from you.\\n“My friends shouldn’t bring me to the club. 🍸 I steal the show every time…”\\n“You won’t believe this, but I met a professional mime today, and I asked him if he’d teach me some top-secret moves…”\\n“I’m not a role model, but, you know what. I shake things up. Today, I…”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"“Busy day! Anyway, I’m going to bed.”\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Play up a sense of mystery to keep their mind on you.\", \"描述\": \"If they reach out to you, wait 3 or more hours to reply. Give vague details about what you’ve been up to, then just disappear. They’ll want to know all your secrets, and they’ll want to chat ASAP.\\n“One adventure after the other! I’ll hit you back after I get some sleep. 😴”\\n“Today was a trip. Way too much to say about it. But not right now!”\\n“Oh, hey, you texted! It’s been non-stop today. I promise I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"“Just finished my shift and hung up my cape!”\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Text them something random to show off your creativity.\", \"描述\": \"Stand out from the crowd and send a quick story you just made up. You’ll score extra points if it’s a line your crush has never heard before. They’ll forget anyone else they’re talking to and be hooked on you.\\n“Being a full-time Netflix viewer is tiring. 🎞️ Need to cut my workload in half!”\\n“Just got enlisted in the CIA today…”\\n“Signed up for extreme ironing. My biceps are next-level now. 💪🏼”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"“We’d fight all the time… and I’d win!”\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Joke about playful arguments to spark some chemistry.\", \"描述\": \"Tease them and work them up to create some tension. When you use a chill and casual tone, they’ll know your little debates are just for fun.\\n“You really think that?! Wait till you hear my opinion. You’ll rip me apart. 🦁”\\n“Jeez, how’re we ever going to get along?! 😜”\\n“Can we find one thing to agree on? 😉”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"“Just DMing you because you seem like a cool person.”\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Use a laidback compliment to come off as relaxed.\", \"描述\": \"Make them smile with a sincere comment about a hobby or interest of theirs. They won’t be able to tell if you’re hitting on them or just making a new friend because you’re so social. \\n“Hey, you love mixed-breed dogs, too. 🐕🦺 I like that.”\\n“That’s an impressive mural. You really painted that?”\\n“That vid of you bowling… wow. 🎳 I want you on my team.”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 8, \"标题\": \"“You’re smart. Ready to be my personal assistant?”\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Praise their intelligence and throw in some sarcasm to shock them.\", \"描述\": \"Bring up one of their traits that you really admire, then follow up with a funny comment. They’re more likely to think you’re honest instead of just \\\"nice\\\" because you were so bold and creative.\\n“You always know what to say! You can be my speech writer. 📝”\\n“Good comebacks. 💥 Can I borrow some? I’d really pull them off.”\\n\\\"That was really deep! 😲 Did you get that from a book or something?”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 9, \"标题\": \"“Give your parents a high five for me. Nice work, there.”\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Send indirect flattery and they’ll want the spotlight on them.\", \"描述\": \"Hint that they’re attractive or smart. When you use a clever way to highlight what you like about them, they’ll want you to confess exactly how you’ll feel. You’ll create a fun little game that they’ll get addicted to.\\n“That fancy education was put to good use! 👍”\\n“That outfit looks insanely elegant. Great purchase. 🏷️”\\n“That song was spellbinding. 🎙️ Who’s your vocal coach?”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 10, \"标题\": \"“That’s how you’re planning on seducing me? Might work.”\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Ask a flirty question to create some tension.\", \"描述\": \"If you noticed a new side to their personality on social media or they just made a remark that made you laugh, talk about the effect it had on you. Act like you’re not totally won over just yet. They’ll be curious about what will finally do the trick.\\n“You bake? Trying to win my heart? Maybe if you send some cookies over…🍪”\\n“You’re funny. 😆 I might fall for you if you tell too many jokes. Slow down.”\\n“You’re nice. Maybe… too nice. 🤔 You seem too good to be true.”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 11, \"标题\": \"“Need someone cute to distract me.”\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Confess your crush to show off how bold you are.\", \"描述\": \"Express your attraction to them, but act very casual. When you compliment their looks, mention that you’re a little bored. They’ll get the sense that you’re after more than just appearances, but they'll probably also blush because you noticed them.\\n“I’d love for you to come over. You’re easy on the eyes. 👀”\\n“I’m bored, but I bet you can change that, cutie. 😉”\\n“I need a way to pass the time. You’re fun and hot, so why not? 🔥”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 12, \"标题\": \"“Today is your lucky day… you get to go out with me.”\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Joke that it's rare to score a date with you to make them smirk.\", \"描述\": \"Tell them that you’re finally ready to spend one-on-one time together. When you make a big deal about how special they should feel, they’ll likely dig your sense of humor and imagine all the ways you’ll entertain them.\\n“You won the lotto! 🎫 A whole day with me!”\\n”You’re about to go on a whirlwind adventure. 🗺️ You get to see me.”\\n“Some people get all the luck. 🍀 Just don't rub it in that you get to date me!”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 13, \"标题\": \"“Just get this over with and buy me dinner already!”\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Playfully get on their case to ask you out to jump start a connection.\", \"描述\": \"If you sense that they’re dropping a lot of hints or that you two are having an awesome conversation, suddenly bring up the possibility for a date. Make it sound like it was their idea and they might just make the first move.\\n“This is getting old. 🙄 I know you like me. Just ask me out already!”\\n“Try something new. 🎉 Work up the courage to admit you like me.”\\n“Treat yourself and buy me dinner. 🍝 You know you want to.”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 14, \"标题\": \"“Wear something nice and meet me tonight.”\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Be super assertive to make their heart race.\", \"描述\": \"You could win a lot of points if you take the lead. After you’ve tested the waters and feel they’re comfortable with you, text a spontaneous invite. If they're shy, they'll like that you took initiative, and if they're more upfront, they'll like that you beat them to the punch.\\n“Don’t make any plans tonight. I have a spot I want to take you to.”\\n“Put your best outfit on. I want to show you off.”\\n“Can you be ready in a couple hours? I know a restaurant you’d love.”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 15, \"标题\": \"“Any skills? I’ll date you if you’d survive on a desert island.”\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make them explain why you need them so they’ll want your approval.\", \"描述\": \"Play off a question as random and hypothetical. Tease them a little bit and bring up what you want in someone you’re dating. You’ll encourage them to think about a relationship, and they might start to find ways to impress you.\\n“Can you hold your own during a trivia night? 📚 I need someone who knows random facts.”\\n“Are you down for a little trouble? 😈 I need a partner in crime.”\\n“Do you love to speak your mind? 🔊 I like someone who's opinionated.”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 16, \"标题\": \"“I know I’m wildly interesting, but let’s talk about you.”\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Drop the cockiness and ask them to open up to create some closeness.\", \"描述\": \"Once you’ve experimented with some witty one-liners, shift the convo to an even friendlier tone. Say how interested you are to learn more about them. They’ll probably love how you’re the total package—cocky, funny, and actually pretty sweet.\\n“Yeah, I’m amazing, but I bet you are, too. 🙂 Let’s focus on you, now.”\\n“I’m just playing with you. 😂 Seriously, I like talking to you.”\\n“Just wanted to break the ice! 🧊 ⛏️ How’ve you been?”\\nUse emojis here and there to show that it is lighthearted and fun.\\nDon't stick to one topic for too long.\\nSend an interesting photo or song saying that it reminds you of them.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,611 | How to Be Cold Hearted | 1. Signaling Your Icy Turn
1-1. Make your decision and stick to it.
Once you choose to become cold hearted toward someone, you must remain firm in your decision to do so. Keep reminding yourself why it is critical to your own well-being and happiness that you cut ties and close off your affections for this person.
Be crystal clear when you make the break: “I’ve realized that this relationship is harmful to me, and I have decided that we cannot be together any longer. This is non-negotiable.”
Cutting ties in this fashion is a harsh and challenging measure, so save it for instances in which a relationship is clearly detrimental and irreparable.
1-2. Cut off contact as much as you can.
If possible, do not accept phone calls, emails, Facebook messages, etc. Every time you give a chance for them to explain or apologize, your resolve may be weakened.
Explain the change once and only once: “I don’t want us to have any contact unless it is absolutely necessary.”
You must view each and every attempt at reconciliation as the other person’s desire to put you back into a position to hurt you again.
1-3. Keep any communication as short as possible.
When forced to communicate with the person, use “no” as a complete sentence if they ask if they can call you, if they can explain things, and so on. Tell them your boundaries clearly so they understand that you don't want to get more involved. Otherwise, give short, direct replies such as “I can’t,” “That isn’t possible,” or “I don't have time for that.” Then walk away, hang up, etc.
Or, pretend not to notice or hear them at all.
Use these tactics when dealing with a co-worker or classmate, for instance.
1-4. Don’t reveal what you’re thinking or feeling.
Do not express anything that could be construed as doubt or remorse, such as saying “sorry” whether you mean it or not. Show no signs of lingering affection. Don’t even glance their way. Close yourself off completely.
Don’t get dragged into discussions about how you’re going to move on, what you’re planning to do next, and so forth. Become a complete mystery to them.
You've already expressed your decision to them. You don't owe them anything more than that, no matter what they say.
1-5. Refuse to reminisce or wallow in sentimentality.
Do not reflect on the "good times" you might have shared. You can’t be cold hearted while having fond memories. Delete all texts, emails, etc. Rid yourself of pictures, gifts, and anything else that reminds you of them.
Even if you did have some good times, your memories of these must be sacrificed in order to make the clean break from this person.
Perhaps in the future, after you've entered into a healthy relationship, you'll be able to safely recall some of those "good times."
2. Staying Strong in Your Coldness
2-1. Remind yourself that you’re powerful and in control.
Thanks to brain chemistry and social reinforcement, people in positions of power or control are less capable of empathizing with others. And it turns out that even a temporary “power trip” reduces your ability to “feel the pain” of others. To tap into this element of human nature, keep visualizing times in your life when you’ve felt most powerful or in control.
For instance, before any instance when you might run into the other person, remind yourself that you’ve built a successful business from the ground up, that you’ve secured your financial future, or that you’ve earned the respect of those around you.
2-2. Remember why the relationship had to end.
When you become weak in your resolve to be cold hearted, you will find that anger is a very good motivator. When times get tough and you feel tempted to cave in, get angry. Remind yourself about all the times you were mistreated, lied to, or left without the support you needed.
Write down a detailed list of all the ways the person hurt your or let you down, and refer to it whenever necessary. Or, if it helps, stick their picture on your dart board or punching bag and go at it.
2-3. Stay busy with other activities.
It’s important to occupy your mind and keep yourself busy during this transitional period. Take up a new hobby that you’ve always wanted to try, or get back to doing something you used to enjoy.
If certain activities or hobbies remind you too much of the person you’ve turned cold hearted towards, stop doing those things at least temporarily. Or, change the conditions — join a new gym, take an art class instead of a cooking class, etc.
2-4. Re-build relationships with supportive loved ones.
If the challenges of the detrimental relationship you’ve been in have hurt your connections with others, work on being a good friend, sibling, parent, etc. Show those loved ones who've been on your side the whole time that you appreciate their support.
Don't let your cold heartedness extend to them. Show them the loving warmth they deserve!
2-5. Create a strong self care routine.
Make good use of all the time, attention, and affection you’ve withdrawn from the other person by focusing it back on yourself. Prioritizing your own needs will help give you the emotional and physical strength to keep up the clean break you’ve made from a harmful relationship. Focus on:
Physical health — exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet.
Emotional care — meditation, prayer, yoga, tai chi, relaxation exercises, and so on.
Spending time with supportive friends and family.
Doing things you enjoy — going to the movies, getting outdoors, traveling, etc.
2-6. Seek additional help if you need it.
Ending a relationship, even one with an “emotional vampire” who takes without giving in return, is never easy. If you’re not able to turn yourself cold hearted toward the person and break free completely, there is no shame in seeking help.
Get referrals from your doctor or friends and family for licensed therapists in your area.
Working with a therapist may reveal that trying to be temporarily “cold hearted” is not the best approach for you. The important thing is to find out what works best for you.
2-7. Don’t turn cold toward the world.
Remind yourself that you’re choosing to be cold hearted in a specific way for a specific goal. You have the power and control over the situation. Once you’ve achieved your goal of breaking free from a harmful relationship, get back to being your old self.
People who are naturally cold hearted often have an “avoidant attachment pattern” that developed during their infancy. Therefore, being temporarily cold hearted for a specific purpose need not turn you that way permanently.
However, if your cold hearted turn is successful, you may be tempted to use it more often or more widely. If so, remember that cutting yourself off from the world will cause you more pain than it prevents.
Tips
If you begin to feel weak, remind yourself that you have exhausted every other option.
Warnings
Be prepared to be criticized. People may view your behavior as cruel and, if they are unaware of your intentions, some may question whether or not they want to remain friends with you.
Don't do this sort of thing too often, or it may become second nature, and you'll start doing it impulsively, over trivial things.
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"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Signaling Your Icy Turn\\n1-1. Make your decision and stick to it.\\nOnce you choose to become cold hearted toward someone, you must remain firm in your decision to do so. Keep reminding yourself why it is critical to your own well-being and happiness that you cut ties and close off your affections for this person.\\nBe crystal clear when you make the break: “I’ve realized that this relationship is harmful to me, and I have decided that we cannot be together any longer. This is non-negotiable.”\\nCutting ties in this fashion is a harsh and challenging measure, so save it for instances in which a relationship is clearly detrimental and irreparable.\\n1-2. Cut off contact as much as you can.\\nIf possible, do not accept phone calls, emails, Facebook messages, etc. Every time you give a chance for them to explain or apologize, your resolve may be weakened.\\nExplain the change once and only once: “I don’t want us to have any contact unless it is absolutely necessary.”\\nYou must view each and every attempt at reconciliation as the other person’s desire to put you back into a position to hurt you again.\\n1-3. Keep any communication as short as possible.\\nWhen forced to communicate with the person, use “no” as a complete sentence if they ask if they can call you, if they can explain things, and so on. Tell them your boundaries clearly so they understand that you don't want to get more involved. Otherwise, give short, direct replies such as “I can’t,” “That isn’t possible,” or “I don't have time for that.” Then walk away, hang up, etc.\\nOr, pretend not to notice or hear them at all.\\nUse these tactics when dealing with a co-worker or classmate, for instance.\\n1-4. Don’t reveal what you’re thinking or feeling.\\nDo not express anything that could be construed as doubt or remorse, such as saying “sorry” whether you mean it or not. Show no signs of lingering affection. Don’t even glance their way. Close yourself off completely.\\nDon’t get dragged into discussions about how you’re going to move on, what you’re planning to do next, and so forth. Become a complete mystery to them.\\nYou've already expressed your decision to them. You don't owe them anything more than that, no matter what they say.\\n1-5. Refuse to reminisce or wallow in sentimentality.\\nDo not reflect on the \\\"good times\\\" you might have shared. You can’t be cold hearted while having fond memories. Delete all texts, emails, etc. Rid yourself of pictures, gifts, and anything else that reminds you of them.\\nEven if you did have some good times, your memories of these must be sacrificed in order to make the clean break from this person.\\nPerhaps in the future, after you've entered into a healthy relationship, you'll be able to safely recall some of those \\\"good times.\\\"\\n2. Staying Strong in Your Coldness\\n2-1. Remind yourself that you’re powerful and in control.\\nThanks to brain chemistry and social reinforcement, people in positions of power or control are less capable of empathizing with others. And it turns out that even a temporary “power trip” reduces your ability to “feel the pain” of others. To tap into this element of human nature, keep visualizing times in your life when you’ve felt most powerful or in control.\\nFor instance, before any instance when you might run into the other person, remind yourself that you’ve built a successful business from the ground up, that you’ve secured your financial future, or that you’ve earned the respect of those around you.\\n2-2. Remember why the relationship had to end.\\nWhen you become weak in your resolve to be cold hearted, you will find that anger is a very good motivator. When times get tough and you feel tempted to cave in, get angry. Remind yourself about all the times you were mistreated, lied to, or left without the support you needed.\\nWrite down a detailed list of all the ways the person hurt your or let you down, and refer to it whenever necessary. Or, if it helps, stick their picture on your dart board or punching bag and go at it.\\n2-3. Stay busy with other activities.\\nIt’s important to occupy your mind and keep yourself busy during this transitional period. Take up a new hobby that you’ve always wanted to try, or get back to doing something you used to enjoy.\\nIf certain activities or hobbies remind you too much of the person you’ve turned cold hearted towards, stop doing those things at least temporarily. Or, change the conditions — join a new gym, take an art class instead of a cooking class, etc.\\n2-4. Re-build relationships with supportive loved ones.\\nIf the challenges of the detrimental relationship you’ve been in have hurt your connections with others, work on being a good friend, sibling, parent, etc. Show those loved ones who've been on your side the whole time that you appreciate their support.\\nDon't let your cold heartedness extend to them. Show them the loving warmth they deserve!\\n2-5. Create a strong self care routine.\\nMake good use of all the time, attention, and affection you’ve withdrawn from the other person by focusing it back on yourself. Prioritizing your own needs will help give you the emotional and physical strength to keep up the clean break you’ve made from a harmful relationship. Focus on:\\nPhysical health — exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet.\\nEmotional care — meditation, prayer, yoga, tai chi, relaxation exercises, and so on.\\nSpending time with supportive friends and family.\\nDoing things you enjoy — going to the movies, getting outdoors, traveling, etc.\\n2-6. Seek additional help if you need it.\\nEnding a relationship, even one with an “emotional vampire” who takes without giving in return, is never easy. If you’re not able to turn yourself cold hearted toward the person and break free completely, there is no shame in seeking help.\\nGet referrals from your doctor or friends and family for licensed therapists in your area.\\nWorking with a therapist may reveal that trying to be temporarily “cold hearted” is not the best approach for you. The important thing is to find out what works best for you.\\n2-7. Don’t turn cold toward the world.\\nRemind yourself that you’re choosing to be cold hearted in a specific way for a specific goal. You have the power and control over the situation. Once you’ve achieved your goal of breaking free from a harmful relationship, get back to being your old self.\\nPeople who are naturally cold hearted often have an “avoidant attachment pattern” that developed during their infancy. Therefore, being temporarily cold hearted for a specific purpose need not turn you that way permanently.\\nHowever, if your cold hearted turn is successful, you may be tempted to use it more often or more widely. If so, remember that cutting yourself off from the world will cause you more pain than it prevents.\\nTips\\nIf you begin to feel weak, remind yourself that you have exhausted every other option.\\nWarnings\\nBe prepared to be criticized. People may view your behavior as cruel and, if they are unaware of your intentions, some may question whether or not they want to remain friends with you.\\nDon't do this sort of thing too often, or it may become second nature, and you'll start doing it impulsively, over trivial things.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"You might sometimes be “cold” to people in general when you just feel like being left alone. But if you’re looking to be “cold hearted,” then you’re probably trying to extract yourself from an unhealthy relationship with a romantic partner or family member. To do so, you need to be crystal clear that you’re closing yourself off to the person emotionally and physically. You also need to keep reminding yourself why “turning cold” is a necessary but temporary measure to regain control of your life.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Signaling Your Icy Turn\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make your decision and stick to it.\", \"描述\": \"Once you choose to become cold hearted toward someone, you must remain firm in your decision to do so. Keep reminding yourself why it is critical to your own well-being and happiness that you cut ties and close off your affections for this person.\\nBe crystal clear when you make the break: “I’ve realized that this relationship is harmful to me, and I have decided that we cannot be together any longer. This is non-negotiable.”\\nCutting ties in this fashion is a harsh and challenging measure, so save it for instances in which a relationship is clearly detrimental and irreparable.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Cut off contact as much as you can.\", \"描述\": \"If possible, do not accept phone calls, emails, Facebook messages, etc. Every time you give a chance for them to explain or apologize, your resolve may be weakened.\\nExplain the change once and only once: “I don’t want us to have any contact unless it is absolutely necessary.”\\nYou must view each and every attempt at reconciliation as the other person’s desire to put you back into a position to hurt you again.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Keep any communication as short as possible.\", \"描述\": \"When forced to communicate with the person, use “no” as a complete sentence if they ask if they can call you, if they can explain things, and so on. Tell them your boundaries clearly so they understand that you don't want to get more involved. Otherwise, give short, direct replies such as “I can’t,” “That isn’t possible,” or “I don't have time for that.” Then walk away, hang up, etc.\\nOr, pretend not to notice or hear them at all.\\nUse these tactics when dealing with a co-worker or classmate, for instance.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Don’t reveal what you’re thinking or feeling.\", \"描述\": \"Do not express anything that could be construed as doubt or remorse, such as saying “sorry” whether you mean it or not. Show no signs of lingering affection. Don’t even glance their way. Close yourself off completely.\\nDon’t get dragged into discussions about how you’re going to move on, what you’re planning to do next, and so forth. Become a complete mystery to them.\\nYou've already expressed your decision to them. You don't owe them anything more than that, no matter what they say.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Refuse to reminisce or wallow in sentimentality.\", \"描述\": \"Do not reflect on the \\\"good times\\\" you might have shared. You can’t be cold hearted while having fond memories. Delete all texts, emails, etc. Rid yourself of pictures, gifts, and anything else that reminds you of them.\\nEven if you did have some good times, your memories of these must be sacrificed in order to make the clean break from this person.\\nPerhaps in the future, after you've entered into a healthy relationship, you'll be able to safely recall some of those \\\"good times.\\\"\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Staying Strong in Your Coldness\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Remind yourself that you’re powerful and in control.\", \"描述\": \"Thanks to brain chemistry and social reinforcement, people in positions of power or control are less capable of empathizing with others. And it turns out that even a temporary “power trip” reduces your ability to “feel the pain” of others. To tap into this element of human nature, keep visualizing times in your life when you’ve felt most powerful or in control.\\nFor instance, before any instance when you might run into the other person, remind yourself that you’ve built a successful business from the ground up, that you’ve secured your financial future, or that you’ve earned the respect of those around you.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Remember why the relationship had to end.\", \"描述\": \"When you become weak in your resolve to be cold hearted, you will find that anger is a very good motivator. When times get tough and you feel tempted to cave in, get angry. Remind yourself about all the times you were mistreated, lied to, or left without the support you needed.\\nWrite down a detailed list of all the ways the person hurt your or let you down, and refer to it whenever necessary. Or, if it helps, stick their picture on your dart board or punching bag and go at it.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Stay busy with other activities.\", \"描述\": \"It’s important to occupy your mind and keep yourself busy during this transitional period. Take up a new hobby that you’ve always wanted to try, or get back to doing something you used to enjoy.\\nIf certain activities or hobbies remind you too much of the person you’ve turned cold hearted towards, stop doing those things at least temporarily. Or, change the conditions — join a new gym, take an art class instead of a cooking class, etc.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Re-build relationships with supportive loved ones.\", \"描述\": \"If the challenges of the detrimental relationship you’ve been in have hurt your connections with others, work on being a good friend, sibling, parent, etc. Show those loved ones who've been on your side the whole time that you appreciate their support.\\nDon't let your cold heartedness extend to them. Show them the loving warmth they deserve!\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Create a strong self care routine.\", \"描述\": \"Make good use of all the time, attention, and affection you’ve withdrawn from the other person by focusing it back on yourself. Prioritizing your own needs will help give you the emotional and physical strength to keep up the clean break you’ve made from a harmful relationship. Focus on:\\nPhysical health — exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet.\\nEmotional care — meditation, prayer, yoga, tai chi, relaxation exercises, and so on.\\nSpending time with supportive friends and family.\\nDoing things you enjoy — going to the movies, getting outdoors, traveling, etc.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Seek additional help if you need it.\", \"描述\": \"Ending a relationship, even one with an “emotional vampire” who takes without giving in return, is never easy. If you’re not able to turn yourself cold hearted toward the person and break free completely, there is no shame in seeking help.\\nGet referrals from your doctor or friends and family for licensed therapists in your area.\\nWorking with a therapist may reveal that trying to be temporarily “cold hearted” is not the best approach for you. The important thing is to find out what works best for you.\"}, {\"编号\": 7, \"标题\": \"Don’t turn cold toward the world.\", \"描述\": \"Remind yourself that you’re choosing to be cold hearted in a specific way for a specific goal. You have the power and control over the situation. Once you’ve achieved your goal of breaking free from a harmful relationship, get back to being your old self.\\nPeople who are naturally cold hearted often have an “avoidant attachment pattern” that developed during their infancy. Therefore, being temporarily cold hearted for a specific purpose need not turn you that way permanently.\\nHowever, if your cold hearted turn is successful, you may be tempted to use it more often or more widely. If so, remember that cutting yourself off from the world will cause you more pain than it prevents.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"If you begin to feel weak, remind yourself that you have exhausted every other option.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Be prepared to be criticized. People may view your behavior as cruel and, if they are unaware of your intentions, some may question whether or not they want to remain friends with you.\\n\", \"Don't do this sort of thing too often, or it may become second nature, and you'll start doing it impulsively, over trivial things.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,612 | How to Be Comfortable Around Strangers | 1. Opening a Conversation
1-1. Make a move.
Sometimes the hardest part is breaking the ice; then the rest is smooth sailing. For example, attempt to shake someone’s hand first, say hello to someone first, or go up to someone and introduce yourself.
It’s normal to fear approaching someone you don’t know because you may bother him or her. However, people tend to enjoy talking with strangers, both the person initiating conversations and the person being approached. You may make someone’s day!
1-2. Smile.
Smiling helps break any tension between you and the person you're talking to. Smiling with a twinkle in your eye allows you to appear open and welcoming. When you feel tense or nervous, smile and tell yourself it’ll be okay.
Don't forget, the person you’re speaking with may be nervous like you. Smiling can make both you and the person you’re talking to feel more at ease.
1-3. Introduce yourself.
While going up to someone on the subway and introducing yourself may be a bit odd, introducing yourself to someone at a party, business or networking event is completely appropriate. When you introduce yourself, give a little information about yourself that is context-appropriate. For instance, if you’re at a party, introduce yourself and say who you know. If you’re at a business or networking event, introduce yourself and say what company/specialty you are associated.
To strangers or friends of friends at a social function, say, “Hi, I’m Ana. I’m friends with Svetlana. Did she invite you, too?”
To business colleagues, say, “Hello, I’m Pedro. I work in marketing. What department do you work at?”
1-4. Pay a compliment.
Generally, people love to receive compliments. If you want to break the ice and make someone feel good, pay a compliment. Keep compliments sincere and not fake for the sake of trying to impress someone. If you want to start a conversation, you can follow up on your compliment, such as, “I really like your jacket, where did you get it?” or “That’s a great painting, did you paint it?”
While compliments can be nice, they can also reach a creepy level when pursued heavily, overly-repeated, or overly-given. Stick with one compliment.
1-5. Ask a question.
Asking a question is a great way to an “in” with conversation. If you’re new to a gym, ask where the locker room is, or where you can find a towel, or what exercise class is best. If you’re buying a gift for someone, ask a stranger her opinion on an item. Even asking small questions to people you don’t know can help you boost your confidence in being around strangers. You can ask questions to get to know someone, too.
Some standard questions to say when you first meet someone are, “Where are you from?” or “What do you do for a living/what do you study in school?” or “What do you do for fun?”
For more help in asking questions, check out How to Ask Open Ended Questions.
1-6. Connect on a common bond.
There are lots of things that can unite strangers, from working at the same company, sharing a vegetarian diet, having a dog or cat, and living in the same neighborhood. Capitalize on these similarities and strike up a conversation. It feels good to connect with someone you share similarities with, and who knows, maybe you’ll make a new friend.
If you see someone else with a dog while you’re outside with your own dog, you can stop and ask about the dog. Often people who love animals love to talk about their pets and relate with other people who have a pet.
You may notice someone’s shirt that’s from the same university you attended, or see someone wearing a sweatshirt that supports the same sports team you love. Ask “When did you go to university?”, “What did you study? and “What activities did you participated in while at school?” There’s plenty to connect you!
2. Improving Your Interactions
2-1. Mirror their expressions.
You don’t have to become a copycat, but notice the visual cues the people provide as to how they feel. Read their body language to determine if they feel nervous, scared, stressed, or calm. You’ll most likely find that many feel people feel uncomfortable around strangers, much like yourself.
Once you start paying attention to other people’s body language, you can start responding in an appropriate way that matches their feeling state.
2-2. Use your own body language.
While it’s important to read other people’s visual cues, be aware of your own, too. If you stand in a corner looking down with your arms crossed, it’s unlikely anyone will approach you in conversation. However, if you smile, keep your head up, and have approachable body language, people may feel more at ease with you and welcome a conversation.
Keep your hands loosely in your lap (if sitting) or comfortably by your sides while standing. Fidgeting with your hands may make you appear nervous or bored. If you feel uncomfortable with your hands or arms, hold a drink or food if it is offered.
If you’re sitting, don’t tightly cross your legs, yet don’t keep them overly splayed. You want to find the “happy medium” of appearing approachable yet not sloppy or disinterested. If your legs start to shake, gently cross your legs at the ankles.
2-3. Practice boundaries.
Practice monitoring socially acceptable boundaries. Avoid standing overly close to people and making people feel physically uncomfortable. Also, monitor the give and take of conversations. Don’t overshare personal details or monopolize the conversation. Take turns talking and listening.
If you notice yourself doing more talking than listening, start to ask open-ended questions to allow the other person an opportunity to speak.
Don’t share overly personal details about your life. While this may be fine (and funny) around friends, keep the personal things about wart removal, your “crazy” sister, and all of your life’s hardships for a more appropriate conversation.
2-4. Admit your feelings.
Sometimes admitting that you feel nervous can break the ice and demonstrate your vulnerability. Being vulnerable is a type of risk-taking you can use to express your true feelings, and it is important to do this to build a relationship. If you’re on a blind date and it’s not flowing, say, “I’m sorry I’ve been acting weird, it’s just that I feel really nervous right now.” Sometimes this can relieve both you and the other person. They may say, “Whew! Good, I’m glad it’s not just me who’s nervous!”
Admitting your own feelings can make you and the other person more comfortable, and he or she may see that you are relatable.
2-5. Put your focus on anything but you.
When you feel uncomfortable, it’s common to put all of your attention on your feelings of discomfort, your awkwardness, and get wrapped up in your own experience. When you notice yourself absorbed in discomfort, turn your attention outward into your surroundings. Notice the setting, observe the people around you, and listen to other people’s conversations. By putting your focus outside of yourself, it’ll help you disengage from negative thoughts.
2-6. Try not to reject a conversation.
If someone strikes up a conversation with you, try imagining that he or she is one of your friends. Give the interaction a chance by engaging the other person, asking questions, and showing interest. If you feel really uncomfortable, end the conversation in as inoffensive way as possible.
If you need to end a conversation, say, “Thanks for talking. I’m about to leave, but perhaps we will see each other later.” or “I appreciate your time. Goodbye.”
3. Changing How You Feel
3-1. Build your self-confidence.
Feeling comfortable around others means feeling comfortable with yourself, too. If you feel insecure in who you are, other people will pick up on that in social interactions. Find activities that boost your self-confidence or allow you to develop self-confidence, and know that you can transfer those feelings to your social interactions.
Maybe you’re an excellent water skier, ballet dancer, or model car builder. If you feel anxious or uncomfortable, tap into the feelings of confidence that other activities give you to help put yourself at ease.
It can help to practice what you're going to say ahead of time. That might be how to start a conversation or how to join a conversation that's already happening.
3-2. Use positive self-talk.
If you find yourself lost in negative thoughts (“I’ll be so awkward” or “I’m not going to enjoy myself”) notice that you’re engaging a negative thought, then provide a counterpoint. You can say, “I may really enjoy myself, and I give myself permission to have a good time” or “I can work on feeling awkward by practicing new skills.”
Don’t talk yourself out of going to social events just because you feel uncomfortable. Anytime you are on the fence about going, use positive self-talk to encourage you to go. Think of it as an adventure to push yourself beyond your comfort zone.
Remember that you’re practicing social ‘’skills’’, not social talents. Give yourself time to adjust to more positive self-talk.
Instead of focusing on what could go wrong, think about times you were able to successfully connect with someone you didn't know.
3-3. Avoid basing your worth on other people’s reactions.
Sometimes you get along great with people, and other times you may just not click. If you find yourself not clicking with someone, remember that this is an isolated circumstance, and it doesn’t mean you’re socially awkward, that you’re bad at conversation, or that people don’t like you. If you’re worried about how people will respond to you or if you’ll be judged, remind yourself not to assign heavy value to the opinion’s of others.
Say to yourself, “People’s opinions of me don’t define my identity. They are entitled to their opinions as I am to my own.”
3-4. Use your breath.
If you start feeling anxious around new people, tune into your body, especially your breath. You may notice your breathing quicken or feel more restricted. Slowing down your breathing can help calm your mind.
Take a deep inhale, hold it for a few seconds, then let the breath leave your body slowly. Repeat as necessary.
3-5. Relax.
Learn to identify your stressful triggers and use relaxation techniques to calm yourself. This is especially helpful before you approach a social situation. Techniques such as meditation and yoga can help calm you down before you meet new people.
When you notice your body tensing up before a social event or meeting, take note of the feelings and learn to relax your body. Notice the tension (perhaps in your shoulders or neck) and consciously release it.
Have specific techniques you use before you go out to meet new people. If you have to attend a work function, spend a little time before the event in meditation, or go to a yoga class beforehand. Plan out your day so that you can approach the situation in the best possible mindset.
Remind yourself that the people you're talking to are just people—and they're just as likely to be anxious as you are.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:29",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Opening a Conversation\\n1-1. Make a move.\\nSometimes the hardest part is breaking the ice; then the rest is smooth sailing. For example, attempt to shake someone’s hand first, say hello to someone first, or go up to someone and introduce yourself.\\nIt’s normal to fear approaching someone you don’t know because you may bother him or her. However, people tend to enjoy talking with strangers, both the person initiating conversations and the person being approached. You may make someone’s day!\\n1-2. Smile.\\nSmiling helps break any tension between you and the person you're talking to. Smiling with a twinkle in your eye allows you to appear open and welcoming. When you feel tense or nervous, smile and tell yourself it’ll be okay.\\nDon't forget, the person you’re speaking with may be nervous like you. Smiling can make both you and the person you’re talking to feel more at ease.\\n1-3. Introduce yourself.\\nWhile going up to someone on the subway and introducing yourself may be a bit odd, introducing yourself to someone at a party, business or networking event is completely appropriate. When you introduce yourself, give a little information about yourself that is context-appropriate. For instance, if you’re at a party, introduce yourself and say who you know. If you’re at a business or networking event, introduce yourself and say what company/specialty you are associated.\\nTo strangers or friends of friends at a social function, say, “Hi, I’m Ana. I’m friends with Svetlana. Did she invite you, too?”\\nTo business colleagues, say, “Hello, I’m Pedro. I work in marketing. What department do you work at?”\\n1-4. Pay a compliment.\\nGenerally, people love to receive compliments. If you want to break the ice and make someone feel good, pay a compliment. Keep compliments sincere and not fake for the sake of trying to impress someone. If you want to start a conversation, you can follow up on your compliment, such as, “I really like your jacket, where did you get it?” or “That’s a great painting, did you paint it?”\\nWhile compliments can be nice, they can also reach a creepy level when pursued heavily, overly-repeated, or overly-given. Stick with one compliment.\\n1-5. Ask a question.\\nAsking a question is a great way to an “in” with conversation. If you’re new to a gym, ask where the locker room is, or where you can find a towel, or what exercise class is best. If you’re buying a gift for someone, ask a stranger her opinion on an item. Even asking small questions to people you don’t know can help you boost your confidence in being around strangers. You can ask questions to get to know someone, too.\\nSome standard questions to say when you first meet someone are, “Where are you from?” or “What do you do for a living/what do you study in school?” or “What do you do for fun?”\\nFor more help in asking questions, check out How to Ask Open Ended Questions.\\n1-6. Connect on a common bond.\\nThere are lots of things that can unite strangers, from working at the same company, sharing a vegetarian diet, having a dog or cat, and living in the same neighborhood. Capitalize on these similarities and strike up a conversation. It feels good to connect with someone you share similarities with, and who knows, maybe you’ll make a new friend.\\nIf you see someone else with a dog while you’re outside with your own dog, you can stop and ask about the dog. Often people who love animals love to talk about their pets and relate with other people who have a pet.\\nYou may notice someone’s shirt that’s from the same university you attended, or see someone wearing a sweatshirt that supports the same sports team you love. Ask “When did you go to university?”, “What did you study? and “What activities did you participated in while at school?” There’s plenty to connect you!\\n2. Improving Your Interactions\\n2-1. Mirror their expressions.\\nYou don’t have to become a copycat, but notice the visual cues the people provide as to how they feel. Read their body language to determine if they feel nervous, scared, stressed, or calm. You’ll most likely find that many feel people feel uncomfortable around strangers, much like yourself.\\nOnce you start paying attention to other people’s body language, you can start responding in an appropriate way that matches their feeling state.\\n2-2. Use your own body language.\\nWhile it’s important to read other people’s visual cues, be aware of your own, too. If you stand in a corner looking down with your arms crossed, it’s unlikely anyone will approach you in conversation. However, if you smile, keep your head up, and have approachable body language, people may feel more at ease with you and welcome a conversation.\\nKeep your hands loosely in your lap (if sitting) or comfortably by your sides while standing. Fidgeting with your hands may make you appear nervous or bored. If you feel uncomfortable with your hands or arms, hold a drink or food if it is offered.\\nIf you’re sitting, don’t tightly cross your legs, yet don’t keep them overly splayed. You want to find the “happy medium” of appearing approachable yet not sloppy or disinterested. If your legs start to shake, gently cross your legs at the ankles.\\n2-3. Practice boundaries.\\nPractice monitoring socially acceptable boundaries. Avoid standing overly close to people and making people feel physically uncomfortable. Also, monitor the give and take of conversations. Don’t overshare personal details or monopolize the conversation. Take turns talking and listening.\\nIf you notice yourself doing more talking than listening, start to ask open-ended questions to allow the other person an opportunity to speak.\\nDon’t share overly personal details about your life. While this may be fine (and funny) around friends, keep the personal things about wart removal, your “crazy” sister, and all of your life’s hardships for a more appropriate conversation.\\n2-4. Admit your feelings.\\nSometimes admitting that you feel nervous can break the ice and demonstrate your vulnerability. Being vulnerable is a type of risk-taking you can use to express your true feelings, and it is important to do this to build a relationship. If you’re on a blind date and it’s not flowing, say, “I’m sorry I’ve been acting weird, it’s just that I feel really nervous right now.” Sometimes this can relieve both you and the other person. They may say, “Whew! Good, I’m glad it’s not just me who’s nervous!”\\nAdmitting your own feelings can make you and the other person more comfortable, and he or she may see that you are relatable.\\n2-5. Put your focus on anything but you.\\nWhen you feel uncomfortable, it’s common to put all of your attention on your feelings of discomfort, your awkwardness, and get wrapped up in your own experience. When you notice yourself absorbed in discomfort, turn your attention outward into your surroundings. Notice the setting, observe the people around you, and listen to other people’s conversations. By putting your focus outside of yourself, it’ll help you disengage from negative thoughts.\\n2-6. Try not to reject a conversation.\\nIf someone strikes up a conversation with you, try imagining that he or she is one of your friends. Give the interaction a chance by engaging the other person, asking questions, and showing interest. If you feel really uncomfortable, end the conversation in as inoffensive way as possible.\\nIf you need to end a conversation, say, “Thanks for talking. I’m about to leave, but perhaps we will see each other later.” or “I appreciate your time. Goodbye.”\\n3. Changing How You Feel\\n3-1. Build your self-confidence.\\nFeeling comfortable around others means feeling comfortable with yourself, too. If you feel insecure in who you are, other people will pick up on that in social interactions. Find activities that boost your self-confidence or allow you to develop self-confidence, and know that you can transfer those feelings to your social interactions.\\nMaybe you’re an excellent water skier, ballet dancer, or model car builder. If you feel anxious or uncomfortable, tap into the feelings of confidence that other activities give you to help put yourself at ease.\\nIt can help to practice what you're going to say ahead of time. That might be how to start a conversation or how to join a conversation that's already happening.\\n3-2. Use positive self-talk.\\nIf you find yourself lost in negative thoughts (“I’ll be so awkward” or “I’m not going to enjoy myself”) notice that you’re engaging a negative thought, then provide a counterpoint. You can say, “I may really enjoy myself, and I give myself permission to have a good time” or “I can work on feeling awkward by practicing new skills.”\\nDon’t talk yourself out of going to social events just because you feel uncomfortable. Anytime you are on the fence about going, use positive self-talk to encourage you to go. Think of it as an adventure to push yourself beyond your comfort zone.\\nRemember that you’re practicing social ‘’skills’’, not social talents. Give yourself time to adjust to more positive self-talk.\\nInstead of focusing on what could go wrong, think about times you were able to successfully connect with someone you didn't know.\\n3-3. Avoid basing your worth on other people’s reactions.\\nSometimes you get along great with people, and other times you may just not click. If you find yourself not clicking with someone, remember that this is an isolated circumstance, and it doesn’t mean you’re socially awkward, that you’re bad at conversation, or that people don’t like you. If you’re worried about how people will respond to you or if you’ll be judged, remind yourself not to assign heavy value to the opinion’s of others.\\nSay to yourself, “People’s opinions of me don’t define my identity. They are entitled to their opinions as I am to my own.”\\n3-4. Use your breath.\\nIf you start feeling anxious around new people, tune into your body, especially your breath. You may notice your breathing quicken or feel more restricted. Slowing down your breathing can help calm your mind.\\nTake a deep inhale, hold it for a few seconds, then let the breath leave your body slowly. Repeat as necessary.\\n3-5. Relax.\\nLearn to identify your stressful triggers and use relaxation techniques to calm yourself. This is especially helpful before you approach a social situation. Techniques such as meditation and yoga can help calm you down before you meet new people.\\nWhen you notice your body tensing up before a social event or meeting, take note of the feelings and learn to relax your body. Notice the tension (perhaps in your shoulders or neck) and consciously release it.\\nHave specific techniques you use before you go out to meet new people. If you have to attend a work function, spend a little time before the event in meditation, or go to a yoga class beforehand. Plan out your day so that you can approach the situation in the best possible mindset.\\nRemind yourself that the people you're talking to are just people—and they're just as likely to be anxious as you are.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Feeling uncomfortable being around people? Can't stop being nervous? Weird conversations, shaky hands, and being unable to look someone in the eye are all parts of feeling uncomfortable around strangers. It's totally normal to be nervous around new people, but it doesn’t have to be.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Opening a Conversation\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Make a move.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes the hardest part is breaking the ice; then the rest is smooth sailing. For example, attempt to shake someone’s hand first, say hello to someone first, or go up to someone and introduce yourself.\\nIt’s normal to fear approaching someone you don’t know because you may bother him or her. However, people tend to enjoy talking with strangers, both the person initiating conversations and the person being approached. You may make someone’s day!\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Smile.\", \"描述\": \"Smiling helps break any tension between you and the person you're talking to. Smiling with a twinkle in your eye allows you to appear open and welcoming. When you feel tense or nervous, smile and tell yourself it’ll be okay.\\nDon't forget, the person you’re speaking with may be nervous like you. Smiling can make both you and the person you’re talking to feel more at ease.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Introduce yourself.\", \"描述\": \"While going up to someone on the subway and introducing yourself may be a bit odd, introducing yourself to someone at a party, business or networking event is completely appropriate. When you introduce yourself, give a little information about yourself that is context-appropriate. For instance, if you’re at a party, introduce yourself and say who you know. If you’re at a business or networking event, introduce yourself and say what company/specialty you are associated.\\nTo strangers or friends of friends at a social function, say, “Hi, I’m Ana. I’m friends with Svetlana. Did she invite you, too?”\\nTo business colleagues, say, “Hello, I’m Pedro. I work in marketing. What department do you work at?”\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Pay a compliment.\", \"描述\": \"Generally, people love to receive compliments. If you want to break the ice and make someone feel good, pay a compliment. Keep compliments sincere and not fake for the sake of trying to impress someone. If you want to start a conversation, you can follow up on your compliment, such as, “I really like your jacket, where did you get it?” or “That’s a great painting, did you paint it?”\\nWhile compliments can be nice, they can also reach a creepy level when pursued heavily, overly-repeated, or overly-given. Stick with one compliment.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Ask a question.\", \"描述\": \"Asking a question is a great way to an “in” with conversation. If you’re new to a gym, ask where the locker room is, or where you can find a towel, or what exercise class is best. If you’re buying a gift for someone, ask a stranger her opinion on an item. Even asking small questions to people you don’t know can help you boost your confidence in being around strangers. You can ask questions to get to know someone, too.\\nSome standard questions to say when you first meet someone are, “Where are you from?” or “What do you do for a living/what do you study in school?” or “What do you do for fun?”\\nFor more help in asking questions, check out How to Ask Open Ended Questions.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Connect on a common bond.\", \"描述\": \"There are lots of things that can unite strangers, from working at the same company, sharing a vegetarian diet, having a dog or cat, and living in the same neighborhood. Capitalize on these similarities and strike up a conversation. It feels good to connect with someone you share similarities with, and who knows, maybe you’ll make a new friend.\\nIf you see someone else with a dog while you’re outside with your own dog, you can stop and ask about the dog. Often people who love animals love to talk about their pets and relate with other people who have a pet.\\nYou may notice someone’s shirt that’s from the same university you attended, or see someone wearing a sweatshirt that supports the same sports team you love. Ask “When did you go to university?”, “What did you study? and “What activities did you participated in while at school?” There’s plenty to connect you!\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Improving Your Interactions\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Mirror their expressions.\", \"描述\": \"You don’t have to become a copycat, but notice the visual cues the people provide as to how they feel. Read their body language to determine if they feel nervous, scared, stressed, or calm. You’ll most likely find that many feel people feel uncomfortable around strangers, much like yourself.\\nOnce you start paying attention to other people’s body language, you can start responding in an appropriate way that matches their feeling state.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Use your own body language.\", \"描述\": \"While it’s important to read other people’s visual cues, be aware of your own, too. If you stand in a corner looking down with your arms crossed, it’s unlikely anyone will approach you in conversation. However, if you smile, keep your head up, and have approachable body language, people may feel more at ease with you and welcome a conversation.\\nKeep your hands loosely in your lap (if sitting) or comfortably by your sides while standing. Fidgeting with your hands may make you appear nervous or bored. If you feel uncomfortable with your hands or arms, hold a drink or food if it is offered.\\nIf you’re sitting, don’t tightly cross your legs, yet don’t keep them overly splayed. You want to find the “happy medium” of appearing approachable yet not sloppy or disinterested. If your legs start to shake, gently cross your legs at the ankles.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Practice boundaries.\", \"描述\": \"Practice monitoring socially acceptable boundaries. Avoid standing overly close to people and making people feel physically uncomfortable. Also, monitor the give and take of conversations. Don’t overshare personal details or monopolize the conversation. Take turns talking and listening.\\nIf you notice yourself doing more talking than listening, start to ask open-ended questions to allow the other person an opportunity to speak.\\nDon’t share overly personal details about your life. While this may be fine (and funny) around friends, keep the personal things about wart removal, your “crazy” sister, and all of your life’s hardships for a more appropriate conversation.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Admit your feelings.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes admitting that you feel nervous can break the ice and demonstrate your vulnerability. Being vulnerable is a type of risk-taking you can use to express your true feelings, and it is important to do this to build a relationship. If you’re on a blind date and it’s not flowing, say, “I’m sorry I’ve been acting weird, it’s just that I feel really nervous right now.” Sometimes this can relieve both you and the other person. They may say, “Whew! Good, I’m glad it’s not just me who’s nervous!”\\nAdmitting your own feelings can make you and the other person more comfortable, and he or she may see that you are relatable.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Put your focus on anything but you.\", \"描述\": \"When you feel uncomfortable, it’s common to put all of your attention on your feelings of discomfort, your awkwardness, and get wrapped up in your own experience. When you notice yourself absorbed in discomfort, turn your attention outward into your surroundings. Notice the setting, observe the people around you, and listen to other people’s conversations. By putting your focus outside of yourself, it’ll help you disengage from negative thoughts.\"}, {\"编号\": 6, \"标题\": \"Try not to reject a conversation.\", \"描述\": \"If someone strikes up a conversation with you, try imagining that he or she is one of your friends. Give the interaction a chance by engaging the other person, asking questions, and showing interest. If you feel really uncomfortable, end the conversation in as inoffensive way as possible.\\nIf you need to end a conversation, say, “Thanks for talking. I’m about to leave, but perhaps we will see each other later.” or “I appreciate your time. Goodbye.”\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Changing How You Feel\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Build your self-confidence.\", \"描述\": \"Feeling comfortable around others means feeling comfortable with yourself, too. If you feel insecure in who you are, other people will pick up on that in social interactions. Find activities that boost your self-confidence or allow you to develop self-confidence, and know that you can transfer those feelings to your social interactions.\\nMaybe you’re an excellent water skier, ballet dancer, or model car builder. If you feel anxious or uncomfortable, tap into the feelings of confidence that other activities give you to help put yourself at ease.\\nIt can help to practice what you're going to say ahead of time. That might be how to start a conversation or how to join a conversation that's already happening.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Use positive self-talk.\", \"描述\": \"If you find yourself lost in negative thoughts (“I’ll be so awkward” or “I’m not going to enjoy myself”) notice that you’re engaging a negative thought, then provide a counterpoint. You can say, “I may really enjoy myself, and I give myself permission to have a good time” or “I can work on feeling awkward by practicing new skills.”\\nDon’t talk yourself out of going to social events just because you feel uncomfortable. Anytime you are on the fence about going, use positive self-talk to encourage you to go. Think of it as an adventure to push yourself beyond your comfort zone.\\nRemember that you’re practicing social ‘’skills’’, not social talents. Give yourself time to adjust to more positive self-talk.\\nInstead of focusing on what could go wrong, think about times you were able to successfully connect with someone you didn't know.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Avoid basing your worth on other people’s reactions.\", \"描述\": \"Sometimes you get along great with people, and other times you may just not click. If you find yourself not clicking with someone, remember that this is an isolated circumstance, and it doesn’t mean you’re socially awkward, that you’re bad at conversation, or that people don’t like you. If you’re worried about how people will respond to you or if you’ll be judged, remind yourself not to assign heavy value to the opinion’s of others.\\nSay to yourself, “People’s opinions of me don’t define my identity. They are entitled to their opinions as I am to my own.”\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Use your breath.\", \"描述\": \"If you start feeling anxious around new people, tune into your body, especially your breath. You may notice your breathing quicken or feel more restricted. Slowing down your breathing can help calm your mind.\\nTake a deep inhale, hold it for a few seconds, then let the breath leave your body slowly. Repeat as necessary.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Relax.\", \"描述\": \"Learn to identify your stressful triggers and use relaxation techniques to calm yourself. This is especially helpful before you approach a social situation. Techniques such as meditation and yoga can help calm you down before you meet new people.\\nWhen you notice your body tensing up before a social event or meeting, take note of the feelings and learn to relax your body. Notice the tension (perhaps in your shoulders or neck) and consciously release it.\\nHave specific techniques you use before you go out to meet new people. If you have to attend a work function, spend a little time before the event in meditation, or go to a yoga class beforehand. Plan out your day so that you can approach the situation in the best possible mindset.\\nRemind yourself that the people you're talking to are just people—and they're just as likely to be anxious as you are.\"}]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,613 | How to Be Comfortable Around That Special Someone | 1. Getting Over Your Nerves
1-1. Remind yourself that your special someone is probably nervous, too.
Everyone feels nervous when they are around a crush, and that is okay! It is actually very common.
Some people become skilled at acting confident, but inside, they are really nervous. Even if your crush is acting very cool and confident, he/she very well may be just as nervous about spending time with you as you are.
1-2. Consider that your crush finds your nervousness endearing.
Every person is unique and is attracted to different things. While there are many people who are attracted to confident, outgoing individuals, there are also many people who find shy, nervous qualities attractive.
Admitting that you feel nervous is perfectly fine, because it gives your special someone the opportunity to do the same. You might also want to include that you feel nervous for some positive reason, like that your crush looks very beautiful/handsome or that you like him/her. This reassures your crush that you are nervous for a good reason and not because you dislike him/her and do not know how to get out of the situation.
1-3. Make light of an awkward situation.
In the event that something embarrassing or awkward happens, like stuttering over your words or spilling a drink, ease the tension by making light of it. Crack a joke or be willing to laugh at yourself.
If it is your special someone who does or says something awkward, be sure not to laugh at him/her for it. Smile and say something reassuring, such as, “It happens to the best of us” or “I did the exact same thing the other day! It's okay.”
1-4. Treat your special someone like a normal person.
It is tempting for a lot of people to treat their crushes like people of huge importance or to put them up on a pedestal. However, taking a step back from that and reminding yourself that your crush is just a normal person will help you to calm down a bit.
Be kind, generous, and polite to your special someone, but there is no need to worship the ground on which he/she walks. Treating your crush like a higher being only puts unnecessary pressure on yourself to act in a certain way at all times.
1-5. Act natural around your crush.
This might be easier said than done, but the more you try to force yourself to act a certain way, the more noticeable and fake it seems. Take a few deep breaths, and be yourself. Your special someone will interpret your behavior as candid and unique instead of fake and unnatural, and then he/she will be encouraged to do the same.
2. Being Yourself Around Your Special Someone
2-1. Display your real personality.
One of the biggest misconceptions many people have is that they need to pretend to be someone they are not in order to get someone to like them. Be yourself around your crush, and he/she will appreciate you for who you are.
Show your special someone your true personality by sharing your interests and hobbies, sharing jokes that you think are funny, sharing what type of music you like, and acting in a way that feels comfortable for you.
Never apologize for who you are! If your crush does not understand or appreciate your personality, then you need to consider whether you should continue to romantically pursue this person.
2-2. Build a friendship with your special someone.
A great way to start feeling more comfortable around your crush is be friends with him/her first. While you take time to get to know him/her better, focus on building up that friendship and trust between the two of you. Then, you will feel calmer and more comfortable around your crush.
You could even try behaving around your special someone the way that you do around your friends. Treating him/her like a friend, and thinking of your crush as friend, might help you to feel more comfortable.
2-3. Have confidence in your appearance.
Girls in particular struggle with this. There is often a feeling of always needing to look perfect when around your special someone. However, displaying confidence even when you do not look your best helps you to relax around him/her.
Wear clothing that feels comfortable to you. You do not always have to dress to impress; wearing jeans and a t-shirt or even sweatpants, if you are hanging out at home, is perfectly acceptable. If you are going on a date with your special someone, know where you are going or at least get an idea of what appropriate attire is. Dressing appropriately but comfortably will boost your confidence.
Having good hygiene habits also helps with comfort and confidence. Be sure to take care of your personal hygiene at all times.
2-4. Accept yourself for who you are.
Many people cite that the most attractive quality of a person is the ability to be confident about who you are. Know your flaws but be accepting of them, because this will help you be more relaxed around everyone, especially your crush.
Be kind and forgiving to yourself when you do or say something silly. Chances are that your crush will find it cute and endearing, and it will not be a big deal unless you make it one.
3. Getting to Know Your Special Someone
3-1. Spend more quality time with your special someone.
One of the easiest ways to become more comfortable with someone is to simply make plans to spend more time with him/her. You can invite your special someone to hang out one-on-one, or you can plan a group activity where many people will be present, including your special someone.
The more you spend time with someone, the less nervous you'll feel.
3-2. Ask your special someone open-ended questions.
Open-ended questions are ones in which the answer is detailed, more than a simple “yes” or “no.” Learning more about your crush will help you find things that you have in common and will help relax you.
“What is your favorite thing to do when you have some free time?”
“What is your favorite memory from your childhood?”
“Where is the coolest place you've ever been?”
“What is your favorite thing about your family?”
“What is your favorite genre of music?”
“Where is your favorite place to hang out?”
“If money were no object, what would you do with your life? Why?”
“If you could be an animal, which one would you be? Why?”
“If you could go on a vacation to anywhere in the world, where would you go? Why?”
“Have you traveled much? Where have you gone?”
“What is your favorite hobby?”
“What is the craziest thing you've ever eaten?”
3-3. Answer questions about yourself honestly.
It is really important to be honest about yourself, because pretending to be someone you are not will eventually backfire. Your special someone will find out the truth at some point, and your chance at a relationship with him/her will likely disappear.
Being honest builds trust between the two of you. Think about how you would feel if you discovered that your crush lied to you.
3-4. Suggest activities to do that you both enjoy.
As you hang out or go on dates with your special someone, you should make a point of suggesting activities in which you both have an interest and will enjoy. If any awkward silences come up during the activity, you will have something enjoyable to break the ice.
Hang out in a group with mutual friends.
Go see a live band or to a concert.
Play board or video games that you both know.
Have a movie marathon with movies you both like.
Tips
Always be nice to your special someone. It goes a long way in building trust and comfort, and it gives your relationship a positive foundation. Even in instances where your crush does or says something embarrassing, handle it in a friendly way without humiliating him/her. Showing that respect will reap its rewards!
Don't take your crush too seriously, and tease her in a lighthearted manner by showing your excellent sense of humor.
Warnings
Do not pursue a relationship with someone who might try to pressure you into doing things that you do not want to do. Putting yourself in this situation could put you in an unsafe and scary position.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:29",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Getting Over Your Nerves\\n1-1. Remind yourself that your special someone is probably nervous, too.\\nEveryone feels nervous when they are around a crush, and that is okay! It is actually very common.\\nSome people become skilled at acting confident, but inside, they are really nervous. Even if your crush is acting very cool and confident, he/she very well may be just as nervous about spending time with you as you are.\\n1-2. Consider that your crush finds your nervousness endearing.\\nEvery person is unique and is attracted to different things. While there are many people who are attracted to confident, outgoing individuals, there are also many people who find shy, nervous qualities attractive.\\nAdmitting that you feel nervous is perfectly fine, because it gives your special someone the opportunity to do the same. You might also want to include that you feel nervous for some positive reason, like that your crush looks very beautiful/handsome or that you like him/her. This reassures your crush that you are nervous for a good reason and not because you dislike him/her and do not know how to get out of the situation.\\n1-3. Make light of an awkward situation.\\nIn the event that something embarrassing or awkward happens, like stuttering over your words or spilling a drink, ease the tension by making light of it. Crack a joke or be willing to laugh at yourself.\\nIf it is your special someone who does or says something awkward, be sure not to laugh at him/her for it. Smile and say something reassuring, such as, “It happens to the best of us” or “I did the exact same thing the other day! It's okay.”\\n1-4. Treat your special someone like a normal person.\\nIt is tempting for a lot of people to treat their crushes like people of huge importance or to put them up on a pedestal. However, taking a step back from that and reminding yourself that your crush is just a normal person will help you to calm down a bit.\\nBe kind, generous, and polite to your special someone, but there is no need to worship the ground on which he/she walks. Treating your crush like a higher being only puts unnecessary pressure on yourself to act in a certain way at all times.\\n1-5. Act natural around your crush.\\nThis might be easier said than done, but the more you try to force yourself to act a certain way, the more noticeable and fake it seems. Take a few deep breaths, and be yourself. Your special someone will interpret your behavior as candid and unique instead of fake and unnatural, and then he/she will be encouraged to do the same.\\n2. Being Yourself Around Your Special Someone\\n2-1. Display your real personality.\\nOne of the biggest misconceptions many people have is that they need to pretend to be someone they are not in order to get someone to like them. Be yourself around your crush, and he/she will appreciate you for who you are.\\nShow your special someone your true personality by sharing your interests and hobbies, sharing jokes that you think are funny, sharing what type of music you like, and acting in a way that feels comfortable for you.\\nNever apologize for who you are! If your crush does not understand or appreciate your personality, then you need to consider whether you should continue to romantically pursue this person.\\n2-2. Build a friendship with your special someone.\\nA great way to start feeling more comfortable around your crush is be friends with him/her first. While you take time to get to know him/her better, focus on building up that friendship and trust between the two of you. Then, you will feel calmer and more comfortable around your crush.\\nYou could even try behaving around your special someone the way that you do around your friends. Treating him/her like a friend, and thinking of your crush as friend, might help you to feel more comfortable.\\n2-3. Have confidence in your appearance.\\nGirls in particular struggle with this. There is often a feeling of always needing to look perfect when around your special someone. However, displaying confidence even when you do not look your best helps you to relax around him/her.\\nWear clothing that feels comfortable to you. You do not always have to dress to impress; wearing jeans and a t-shirt or even sweatpants, if you are hanging out at home, is perfectly acceptable. If you are going on a date with your special someone, know where you are going or at least get an idea of what appropriate attire is. Dressing appropriately but comfortably will boost your confidence.\\nHaving good hygiene habits also helps with comfort and confidence. Be sure to take care of your personal hygiene at all times.\\n2-4. Accept yourself for who you are.\\nMany people cite that the most attractive quality of a person is the ability to be confident about who you are. Know your flaws but be accepting of them, because this will help you be more relaxed around everyone, especially your crush.\\nBe kind and forgiving to yourself when you do or say something silly. Chances are that your crush will find it cute and endearing, and it will not be a big deal unless you make it one.\\n3. Getting to Know Your Special Someone\\n3-1. Spend more quality time with your special someone.\\nOne of the easiest ways to become more comfortable with someone is to simply make plans to spend more time with him/her. You can invite your special someone to hang out one-on-one, or you can plan a group activity where many people will be present, including your special someone.\\nThe more you spend time with someone, the less nervous you'll feel.\\n3-2. Ask your special someone open-ended questions.\\nOpen-ended questions are ones in which the answer is detailed, more than a simple “yes” or “no.” Learning more about your crush will help you find things that you have in common and will help relax you.\\n“What is your favorite thing to do when you have some free time?”\\n“What is your favorite memory from your childhood?”\\n“Where is the coolest place you've ever been?”\\n“What is your favorite thing about your family?”\\n“What is your favorite genre of music?”\\n“Where is your favorite place to hang out?”\\n“If money were no object, what would you do with your life? Why?”\\n“If you could be an animal, which one would you be? Why?”\\n“If you could go on a vacation to anywhere in the world, where would you go? Why?”\\n“Have you traveled much? Where have you gone?”\\n“What is your favorite hobby?”\\n“What is the craziest thing you've ever eaten?”\\n3-3. Answer questions about yourself honestly.\\nIt is really important to be honest about yourself, because pretending to be someone you are not will eventually backfire. Your special someone will find out the truth at some point, and your chance at a relationship with him/her will likely disappear.\\nBeing honest builds trust between the two of you. Think about how you would feel if you discovered that your crush lied to you.\\n3-4. Suggest activities to do that you both enjoy.\\nAs you hang out or go on dates with your special someone, you should make a point of suggesting activities in which you both have an interest and will enjoy. If any awkward silences come up during the activity, you will have something enjoyable to break the ice.\\nHang out in a group with mutual friends.\\nGo see a live band or to a concert.\\nPlay board or video games that you both know.\\nHave a movie marathon with movies you both like.\\nTips\\nAlways be nice to your special someone. It goes a long way in building trust and comfort, and it gives your relationship a positive foundation. Even in instances where your crush does or says something embarrassing, handle it in a friendly way without humiliating him/her. Showing that respect will reap its rewards!\\nDon't take your crush too seriously, and tease her in a lighthearted manner by showing your excellent sense of humor.\\nWarnings\\nDo not pursue a relationship with someone who might try to pressure you into doing things that you do not want to do. Putting yourself in this situation could put you in an unsafe and scary position.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"It is natural to feel a little nervous when you are around the person you like. This usually stems from your feelings for that person and wanting him/her to reciprocate those feelings. By being yourself and relaxing a little, you can make your interactions with your special someone feel more natural.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Getting Over Your Nerves\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Remind yourself that your special someone is probably nervous, too.\", \"描述\": \"Everyone feels nervous when they are around a crush, and that is okay! It is actually very common.\\nSome people become skilled at acting confident, but inside, they are really nervous. Even if your crush is acting very cool and confident, he/she very well may be just as nervous about spending time with you as you are.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Consider that your crush finds your nervousness endearing.\", \"描述\": \"Every person is unique and is attracted to different things. While there are many people who are attracted to confident, outgoing individuals, there are also many people who find shy, nervous qualities attractive.\\nAdmitting that you feel nervous is perfectly fine, because it gives your special someone the opportunity to do the same. You might also want to include that you feel nervous for some positive reason, like that your crush looks very beautiful/handsome or that you like him/her. This reassures your crush that you are nervous for a good reason and not because you dislike him/her and do not know how to get out of the situation.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Make light of an awkward situation.\", \"描述\": \"In the event that something embarrassing or awkward happens, like stuttering over your words or spilling a drink, ease the tension by making light of it. Crack a joke or be willing to laugh at yourself.\\nIf it is your special someone who does or says something awkward, be sure not to laugh at him/her for it. Smile and say something reassuring, such as, “It happens to the best of us” or “I did the exact same thing the other day! It's okay.”\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Treat your special someone like a normal person.\", \"描述\": \"It is tempting for a lot of people to treat their crushes like people of huge importance or to put them up on a pedestal. However, taking a step back from that and reminding yourself that your crush is just a normal person will help you to calm down a bit.\\nBe kind, generous, and polite to your special someone, but there is no need to worship the ground on which he/she walks. Treating your crush like a higher being only puts unnecessary pressure on yourself to act in a certain way at all times.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Act natural around your crush.\", \"描述\": \"This might be easier said than done, but the more you try to force yourself to act a certain way, the more noticeable and fake it seems. Take a few deep breaths, and be yourself. Your special someone will interpret your behavior as candid and unique instead of fake and unnatural, and then he/she will be encouraged to do the same.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being Yourself Around Your Special Someone\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Display your real personality.\", \"描述\": \"One of the biggest misconceptions many people have is that they need to pretend to be someone they are not in order to get someone to like them. Be yourself around your crush, and he/she will appreciate you for who you are.\\nShow your special someone your true personality by sharing your interests and hobbies, sharing jokes that you think are funny, sharing what type of music you like, and acting in a way that feels comfortable for you.\\nNever apologize for who you are! If your crush does not understand or appreciate your personality, then you need to consider whether you should continue to romantically pursue this person.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Build a friendship with your special someone.\", \"描述\": \"A great way to start feeling more comfortable around your crush is be friends with him/her first. While you take time to get to know him/her better, focus on building up that friendship and trust between the two of you. Then, you will feel calmer and more comfortable around your crush.\\nYou could even try behaving around your special someone the way that you do around your friends. Treating him/her like a friend, and thinking of your crush as friend, might help you to feel more comfortable.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Have confidence in your appearance.\", \"描述\": \"Girls in particular struggle with this. There is often a feeling of always needing to look perfect when around your special someone. However, displaying confidence even when you do not look your best helps you to relax around him/her.\\nWear clothing that feels comfortable to you. You do not always have to dress to impress; wearing jeans and a t-shirt or even sweatpants, if you are hanging out at home, is perfectly acceptable. If you are going on a date with your special someone, know where you are going or at least get an idea of what appropriate attire is. Dressing appropriately but comfortably will boost your confidence.\\nHaving good hygiene habits also helps with comfort and confidence. Be sure to take care of your personal hygiene at all times.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Accept yourself for who you are.\", \"描述\": \"Many people cite that the most attractive quality of a person is the ability to be confident about who you are. Know your flaws but be accepting of them, because this will help you be more relaxed around everyone, especially your crush.\\nBe kind and forgiving to yourself when you do or say something silly. Chances are that your crush will find it cute and endearing, and it will not be a big deal unless you make it one.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Getting to Know Your Special Someone\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Spend more quality time with your special someone.\", \"描述\": \"One of the easiest ways to become more comfortable with someone is to simply make plans to spend more time with him/her. You can invite your special someone to hang out one-on-one, or you can plan a group activity where many people will be present, including your special someone.\\nThe more you spend time with someone, the less nervous you'll feel.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Ask your special someone open-ended questions.\", \"描述\": \"Open-ended questions are ones in which the answer is detailed, more than a simple “yes” or “no.” Learning more about your crush will help you find things that you have in common and will help relax you.\\n“What is your favorite thing to do when you have some free time?”\\n“What is your favorite memory from your childhood?”\\n“Where is the coolest place you've ever been?”\\n“What is your favorite thing about your family?”\\n“What is your favorite genre of music?”\\n“Where is your favorite place to hang out?”\\n“If money were no object, what would you do with your life? Why?”\\n“If you could be an animal, which one would you be? Why?”\\n“If you could go on a vacation to anywhere in the world, where would you go? Why?”\\n“Have you traveled much? Where have you gone?”\\n“What is your favorite hobby?”\\n“What is the craziest thing you've ever eaten?”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Answer questions about yourself honestly.\", \"描述\": \"It is really important to be honest about yourself, because pretending to be someone you are not will eventually backfire. Your special someone will find out the truth at some point, and your chance at a relationship with him/her will likely disappear.\\nBeing honest builds trust between the two of you. Think about how you would feel if you discovered that your crush lied to you.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Suggest activities to do that you both enjoy.\", \"描述\": \"As you hang out or go on dates with your special someone, you should make a point of suggesting activities in which you both have an interest and will enjoy. If any awkward silences come up during the activity, you will have something enjoyable to break the ice.\\nHang out in a group with mutual friends.\\nGo see a live band or to a concert.\\nPlay board or video games that you both know.\\nHave a movie marathon with movies you both like.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"Always be nice to your special someone. It goes a long way in building trust and comfort, and it gives your relationship a positive foundation. Even in instances where your crush does or says something embarrassing, handle it in a friendly way without humiliating him/her. Showing that respect will reap its rewards!\\n\", \"Don't take your crush too seriously, and tease her in a lighthearted manner by showing your excellent sense of humor.\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Do not pursue a relationship with someone who might try to pressure you into doing things that you do not want to do. Putting yourself in this situation could put you in an unsafe and scary position.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
3,614 | How to Be Comfortable Around Your Boyfriend | 1. Determining Why You Feel Uncomfortable
1-1. Think about the times when you feel uncomfortable around your boyfriend.
It will be helpful to write these times down on a piece of paper or in a notebook so that you can find patterns.
Are you uncomfortable when it is just the 2 of you?
Are you uncomfortable when the 2 of you are with other people? If so, what other people? Friends? Parents? Siblings?
Are you uncomfortable when you hang out or have a date at home?
Are you uncomfortable when physical contact occurs?
Are you uncomfortable when talking about controversial topics, like politics?
1-2. Figure out what it is that makes you feel uncomfortable in those times.
Once you have determined a pattern of times when you have felt uncomfortable around your boyfriend, try to pinpoint exactly what about those situations caused you discomfort.
Was it that the 2 of you were alone with no distractions when conversation ran out?
Was it that you were worried about what might happen when the 2 of you were alone?
Are you concerned that your parents, siblings, or friends do not like your boyfriend?
Does it bother you the way your boyfriend behaves when other people are around? For example, does he show off or brag on those occasions?
Do you not yet feel comfortable with any kind of physical intimacy, including holding hands, hugging, or kissing?
Does it bother you when your boyfriend talks about things like religion or politics? If so, why does it bother you? Do you have different views from him? Are you not confrontational? Do you want to avoid an argument?
Does your boyfriend make you feel unsafe?
Do you feel like you cannot trust your boyfriend? Is this due to past or current infidelity (cheating) or a lack of commitment?
1-3. Create a plan of action to address the issue.
Once you have determined why you feel uncomfortable around your boyfriend, you need to do something about it. Come up with a plan to address the issue.
Communicate to him that you feel nervous and a little uncomfortable. Chances are, he feels the same way, and discussing it will help both of you feel more comfortable.
Spend more time getting to know him.
Carefully talk to him about how he acts when other people are around the 2 of you. Let him know that you like him for who he is and that you want him to be himself, because others will like him, too.
Let him know that you do not like talking about certain topics and explain why.
Suggest more dates out in public rather than at home.
Explain to your boyfriend that you want to take the relationship slowly and are not yet ready for a lot of physical intimacy.
Consider whether you need to end the relationship, in the event that your boyfriend makes you feel unsafe in some way.
2. Being Yourself Around Your Boyfriend
2-1. Show your true personality and allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Some people think that they have to act like someone else to get a person to like them, or always be on guard to protect themselves. However, this is really just tricking that person into thinking you are someone that you are not and never allowing them to get to know the real you. Be willing to let your guard down and let your boyfriend know the real you.
Show your boyfriend your real personality by sharing your interests and hobbies, sharing jokes that you think are funny, sharing what type of music you like, and acting in a way that feels comfortable for you.
Share your hopes, dreams, and fears to practice being vulnerable around your boyfriend.
Do not apologize for who you are! If your boyfriend does not understand or appreciate your personality, then perhaps he is not the right guy for you to be dating.
2-2. Express your creativity.
Although some people claim to not be creative at all, everyone is creative in unique ways. If it feels challenging for you to communicate verbally, another way to get comfortable around your boyfriend is to express yourself creatively.
Show him artwork that you created, songs that you wrote, poetry that you wrote, and things of that nature.
If you are into technology, you could tell him about a video game, website, or app that you are designing.
2-3. Feel confident about your appearance.
Girls especially struggle with this. There is often a feeling of always needing to look perfect when around your boyfriend. However, displaying confidence even when you do not look perfect helps you to relax around him.
If you are a girl, do not be afraid to spend time with him without any makeup. In fact, many boys and men prefer the way girls and women look without makeup as opposed to with it.
Wear clothing that feels comfortable to you. You do not always have to dress to impress; wearing jeans and a t-shirt or even sweatpants, if you are hanging out at home, is perfectly acceptable.
2-4. Become friends with your boyfriend.
One of the most important aspects of any relationship is friendship. The strongest couples are also friends, so if you were not already friends with your boyfriend prior to dating, then build a friendship with him.
Especially when first starting to date someone, it is tempting to act differently around him than you would around your friends. However, showing him the personality and side of yourself that your friends see will help you to feel more comfortable around him more quickly.
3. Getting to Know Your Boyfriend Better
3-1. Spend more quality time with your boyfriend.
Part of becoming more comfortable around him is going out of your way to spend more quality time with him. Make plans with him in settings that feel comfortable to you, whether you hang out one-on-one or with a group.
3-2. Ask him questions about himself that you are also willing to answer.
If you and your boyfriend were not already friends when you began dating, then you likely do not know much about him yet. Take time to get to know him better so that you have a better understanding of who he is as a person. Make sure that you are willing to answer any question you ask him so that he can get to know you better as well.
“What is your favorite memory from your childhood?”
“What is your family like?”
“What is your favorite thing about your family?”
“What is your favorite genre of music?”
“What do you do when you feel too stressed out?”
“If money were no object, what would you do with your life? Why?”
“If you could go on a vacation to anywhere in the world, where would you go? Why?”
“Have you traveled much? Where have you gone?”
“What is your favorite hobby?”
3-3. Answer his questions about you honestly.
Another contributing factor to your nervousness around him might be that you are still trying to put on a certain persona. When he asks you questions about yourself, be sure to answer honestly. Not only will this build trust, but it will also give you the opportunity to be yourself and allow him to like you for who you really are.
It is never a good idea to build a relationship on secrets and lies. Think about how you would feel if you found out that he lied to you about himself.
3-4. Participate in activities related to your shared interests.
Both of you will feel more at ease when your dates are planned around something you both enjoy. Discuss with your boyfriend what types of activities you both enjoy and would have the most fun doing.
Go see a movie you both enjoy.
Go to a concert for a band or artist you both like.
Play a board or video game that you both love.
Attend a group date with mutual friends.
4. Giving the Relationship Time
4-1. Allow your feelings for him to grow.
Unless you were already friends or knew him pretty well before you started dating, you probably need to give yourself time to allow your feelings for your boyfriend to grow.
Most people do not fall in love instantly. “Love at first sight” is not true for many couples. Of course, you should not be in a relationship with someone that you do not even like, but do not expect to immediately feel comfortable and in love with him at the start of the relationship.
4-2. Reflect on what brought you and your boyfriend together.
Was it a shared interest or passion? A hobby you both enjoy? Try participating in this interest together and looking for new activities you both enjoy to help grow your relationship.
For example, maybe you met your boyfriend at a comic book convention and found that you have a shared love of anime. Look for ways to build on this interest, such as watching new anime shows together and talking about them.
Or perhaps you met your boyfriend at a concert and learned you have very similar tastes in music. Get tickets to go to another concert together or listen to a favorite band’s new album together.
4-3. Give him time to change.
If you discovered that you felt uncomfortable because of your boyfriend's behavior, then give him time to change it.
Some people are not interested in changing who they are or their behavior. If you find that this is the case with your boyfriend, then you will have to consider whether you can continue to endure the behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Perhaps he was doing something that he thought you liked or wanted him to do, like showing off in front of others. When he learns that you would rather he not do that, he will want to change that to make you happy.
4-4. Trust your boyfriend.
Building trust takes time. However, when you consider the “innocent until proven guilty” philosophy, it is helpful to trust your boyfriend until he gives you a reason not to do so.
This will be hard when you are someone who has been badly hurt (emotionally) in previous relationships, especially ones in which your trust was betrayed. However, your new boyfriend did not do those things to you, and he deserves to have your trust, at least until he does something to lose it.
You will find yourself relaxing around him more and feeling more comfortable when you allow yourself to trust him. Additionally, he will feel more comfortable knowing that he has your trust, which helps the relationship.
4-5. Enjoy getting to know him and growing your relationship.
While it is true that some couples have very few issues, no relationship is perfect. It will take some time for the 2 of you to work out the kinks and learn how to best make each other happy.
Oftentimes, getting comfortable with your boyfriend simply takes time. The more time you spend around him and spend getting to know him, the more comfortable you will be eventually.
Being in a relationship with someone is a fun and exciting experience. When you truly like and care for someone, you should show your investment in the relationship by putting in the effort to make it better. This has the fortunate effect of helping you to feel more comfortable with the relationship.
Tips
It is your choice to open up to your boyfriend and to feel comfortable around him. Do not be afraid of the feelings he has for you, because that is his way of showing he wants to open up to you, too.[11]
X
Research source
Warnings
Never stay in a relationship with someone who is pressuring you to do things with which you do not feel comfortable, like using drugs or having sexual intercourse. This could become an unsafe and dangerous situation for you.
| {
"create_time": "20230517 10:50:29",
"回答明细": "{\"回答\": \"1. Determining Why You Feel Uncomfortable\\n1-1. Think about the times when you feel uncomfortable around your boyfriend.\\nIt will be helpful to write these times down on a piece of paper or in a notebook so that you can find patterns.\\nAre you uncomfortable when it is just the 2 of you?\\nAre you uncomfortable when the 2 of you are with other people? If so, what other people? Friends? Parents? Siblings?\\nAre you uncomfortable when you hang out or have a date at home?\\nAre you uncomfortable when physical contact occurs?\\nAre you uncomfortable when talking about controversial topics, like politics?\\n1-2. Figure out what it is that makes you feel uncomfortable in those times.\\nOnce you have determined a pattern of times when you have felt uncomfortable around your boyfriend, try to pinpoint exactly what about those situations caused you discomfort.\\nWas it that the 2 of you were alone with no distractions when conversation ran out?\\nWas it that you were worried about what might happen when the 2 of you were alone?\\nAre you concerned that your parents, siblings, or friends do not like your boyfriend?\\nDoes it bother you the way your boyfriend behaves when other people are around? For example, does he show off or brag on those occasions?\\nDo you not yet feel comfortable with any kind of physical intimacy, including holding hands, hugging, or kissing?\\nDoes it bother you when your boyfriend talks about things like religion or politics? If so, why does it bother you? Do you have different views from him? Are you not confrontational? Do you want to avoid an argument?\\nDoes your boyfriend make you feel unsafe?\\nDo you feel like you cannot trust your boyfriend? Is this due to past or current infidelity (cheating) or a lack of commitment?\\n1-3. Create a plan of action to address the issue.\\nOnce you have determined why you feel uncomfortable around your boyfriend, you need to do something about it. Come up with a plan to address the issue.\\nCommunicate to him that you feel nervous and a little uncomfortable. Chances are, he feels the same way, and discussing it will help both of you feel more comfortable.\\nSpend more time getting to know him.\\nCarefully talk to him about how he acts when other people are around the 2 of you. Let him know that you like him for who he is and that you want him to be himself, because others will like him, too.\\nLet him know that you do not like talking about certain topics and explain why.\\nSuggest more dates out in public rather than at home.\\nExplain to your boyfriend that you want to take the relationship slowly and are not yet ready for a lot of physical intimacy.\\nConsider whether you need to end the relationship, in the event that your boyfriend makes you feel unsafe in some way.\\n2. Being Yourself Around Your Boyfriend\\n2-1. Show your true personality and allow yourself to be vulnerable.\\nSome people think that they have to act like someone else to get a person to like them, or always be on guard to protect themselves. However, this is really just tricking that person into thinking you are someone that you are not and never allowing them to get to know the real you. Be willing to let your guard down and let your boyfriend know the real you. \\nShow your boyfriend your real personality by sharing your interests and hobbies, sharing jokes that you think are funny, sharing what type of music you like, and acting in a way that feels comfortable for you.\\nShare your hopes, dreams, and fears to practice being vulnerable around your boyfriend.\\nDo not apologize for who you are! If your boyfriend does not understand or appreciate your personality, then perhaps he is not the right guy for you to be dating.\\n2-2. Express your creativity.\\nAlthough some people claim to not be creative at all, everyone is creative in unique ways. If it feels challenging for you to communicate verbally, another way to get comfortable around your boyfriend is to express yourself creatively.\\nShow him artwork that you created, songs that you wrote, poetry that you wrote, and things of that nature.\\nIf you are into technology, you could tell him about a video game, website, or app that you are designing.\\n2-3. Feel confident about your appearance.\\nGirls especially struggle with this. There is often a feeling of always needing to look perfect when around your boyfriend. However, displaying confidence even when you do not look perfect helps you to relax around him.\\nIf you are a girl, do not be afraid to spend time with him without any makeup. In fact, many boys and men prefer the way girls and women look without makeup as opposed to with it.\\nWear clothing that feels comfortable to you. You do not always have to dress to impress; wearing jeans and a t-shirt or even sweatpants, if you are hanging out at home, is perfectly acceptable.\\n2-4. Become friends with your boyfriend.\\nOne of the most important aspects of any relationship is friendship. The strongest couples are also friends, so if you were not already friends with your boyfriend prior to dating, then build a friendship with him.\\nEspecially when first starting to date someone, it is tempting to act differently around him than you would around your friends. However, showing him the personality and side of yourself that your friends see will help you to feel more comfortable around him more quickly.\\n3. Getting to Know Your Boyfriend Better\\n3-1. Spend more quality time with your boyfriend.\\nPart of becoming more comfortable around him is going out of your way to spend more quality time with him. Make plans with him in settings that feel comfortable to you, whether you hang out one-on-one or with a group.\\n3-2. Ask him questions about himself that you are also willing to answer.\\nIf you and your boyfriend were not already friends when you began dating, then you likely do not know much about him yet. Take time to get to know him better so that you have a better understanding of who he is as a person. Make sure that you are willing to answer any question you ask him so that he can get to know you better as well.\\n“What is your favorite memory from your childhood?”\\n“What is your family like?”\\n“What is your favorite thing about your family?”\\n“What is your favorite genre of music?”\\n“What do you do when you feel too stressed out?”\\n“If money were no object, what would you do with your life? Why?”\\n“If you could go on a vacation to anywhere in the world, where would you go? Why?”\\n“Have you traveled much? Where have you gone?”\\n“What is your favorite hobby?”\\n3-3. Answer his questions about you honestly.\\nAnother contributing factor to your nervousness around him might be that you are still trying to put on a certain persona. When he asks you questions about yourself, be sure to answer honestly. Not only will this build trust, but it will also give you the opportunity to be yourself and allow him to like you for who you really are.\\nIt is never a good idea to build a relationship on secrets and lies. Think about how you would feel if you found out that he lied to you about himself.\\n3-4. Participate in activities related to your shared interests.\\nBoth of you will feel more at ease when your dates are planned around something you both enjoy. Discuss with your boyfriend what types of activities you both enjoy and would have the most fun doing. \\nGo see a movie you both enjoy.\\nGo to a concert for a band or artist you both like.\\nPlay a board or video game that you both love.\\nAttend a group date with mutual friends.\\n4. Giving the Relationship Time\\n4-1. Allow your feelings for him to grow.\\nUnless you were already friends or knew him pretty well before you started dating, you probably need to give yourself time to allow your feelings for your boyfriend to grow.\\nMost people do not fall in love instantly. “Love at first sight” is not true for many couples. Of course, you should not be in a relationship with someone that you do not even like, but do not expect to immediately feel comfortable and in love with him at the start of the relationship.\\n4-2. Reflect on what brought you and your boyfriend together.\\nWas it a shared interest or passion? A hobby you both enjoy? Try participating in this interest together and looking for new activities you both enjoy to help grow your relationship.\\nFor example, maybe you met your boyfriend at a comic book convention and found that you have a shared love of anime. Look for ways to build on this interest, such as watching new anime shows together and talking about them.\\nOr perhaps you met your boyfriend at a concert and learned you have very similar tastes in music. Get tickets to go to another concert together or listen to a favorite band’s new album together.\\n4-3. Give him time to change.\\nIf you discovered that you felt uncomfortable because of your boyfriend's behavior, then give him time to change it.\\nSome people are not interested in changing who they are or their behavior. If you find that this is the case with your boyfriend, then you will have to consider whether you can continue to endure the behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable.\\nPerhaps he was doing something that he thought you liked or wanted him to do, like showing off in front of others. When he learns that you would rather he not do that, he will want to change that to make you happy.\\n4-4. Trust your boyfriend.\\nBuilding trust takes time. However, when you consider the “innocent until proven guilty” philosophy, it is helpful to trust your boyfriend until he gives you a reason not to do so.\\nThis will be hard when you are someone who has been badly hurt (emotionally) in previous relationships, especially ones in which your trust was betrayed. However, your new boyfriend did not do those things to you, and he deserves to have your trust, at least until he does something to lose it.\\nYou will find yourself relaxing around him more and feeling more comfortable when you allow yourself to trust him. Additionally, he will feel more comfortable knowing that he has your trust, which helps the relationship.\\n4-5. Enjoy getting to know him and growing your relationship.\\nWhile it is true that some couples have very few issues, no relationship is perfect. It will take some time for the 2 of you to work out the kinks and learn how to best make each other happy.\\nOftentimes, getting comfortable with your boyfriend simply takes time. The more time you spend around him and spend getting to know him, the more comfortable you will be eventually.\\nBeing in a relationship with someone is a fun and exciting experience. When you truly like and care for someone, you should show your investment in the relationship by putting in the effort to make it better. This has the fortunate effect of helping you to feel more comfortable with the relationship.\\nTips\\nIt is your choice to open up to your boyfriend and to feel comfortable around him. Do not be afraid of the feelings he has for you, because that is his way of showing he wants to open up to you, too.[11]\\nX\\nResearch source\\nWarnings\\nNever stay in a relationship with someone who is pressuring you to do things with which you do not feel comfortable, like using drugs or having sexual intercourse. This could become an unsafe and dangerous situation for you.\\n\", \"简要回答\": \"Sometimes, people still feel uncomfortable around their boyfriends even once they have secured the relationship. This is especially common in people who have never dated before, people who do not date often, and people who have had bad experiences in previous relationships. Feeling more comfortable around your boyfriend comes with getting to know him better and settling into the relationship. There are ways to go about becoming more at ease.\", \"结构\": {\"方法\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Determining Why You Feel Uncomfortable\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Think about the times when you feel uncomfortable around your boyfriend.\", \"描述\": \"It will be helpful to write these times down on a piece of paper or in a notebook so that you can find patterns.\\nAre you uncomfortable when it is just the 2 of you?\\nAre you uncomfortable when the 2 of you are with other people? If so, what other people? Friends? Parents? Siblings?\\nAre you uncomfortable when you hang out or have a date at home?\\nAre you uncomfortable when physical contact occurs?\\nAre you uncomfortable when talking about controversial topics, like politics?\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Figure out what it is that makes you feel uncomfortable in those times.\", \"描述\": \"Once you have determined a pattern of times when you have felt uncomfortable around your boyfriend, try to pinpoint exactly what about those situations caused you discomfort.\\nWas it that the 2 of you were alone with no distractions when conversation ran out?\\nWas it that you were worried about what might happen when the 2 of you were alone?\\nAre you concerned that your parents, siblings, or friends do not like your boyfriend?\\nDoes it bother you the way your boyfriend behaves when other people are around? For example, does he show off or brag on those occasions?\\nDo you not yet feel comfortable with any kind of physical intimacy, including holding hands, hugging, or kissing?\\nDoes it bother you when your boyfriend talks about things like religion or politics? If so, why does it bother you? Do you have different views from him? Are you not confrontational? Do you want to avoid an argument?\\nDoes your boyfriend make you feel unsafe?\\nDo you feel like you cannot trust your boyfriend? Is this due to past or current infidelity (cheating) or a lack of commitment?\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Create a plan of action to address the issue.\", \"描述\": \"Once you have determined why you feel uncomfortable around your boyfriend, you need to do something about it. Come up with a plan to address the issue.\\nCommunicate to him that you feel nervous and a little uncomfortable. Chances are, he feels the same way, and discussing it will help both of you feel more comfortable.\\nSpend more time getting to know him.\\nCarefully talk to him about how he acts when other people are around the 2 of you. Let him know that you like him for who he is and that you want him to be himself, because others will like him, too.\\nLet him know that you do not like talking about certain topics and explain why.\\nSuggest more dates out in public rather than at home.\\nExplain to your boyfriend that you want to take the relationship slowly and are not yet ready for a lot of physical intimacy.\\nConsider whether you need to end the relationship, in the event that your boyfriend makes you feel unsafe in some way.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Being Yourself Around Your Boyfriend\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Show your true personality and allow yourself to be vulnerable.\", \"描述\": \"Some people think that they have to act like someone else to get a person to like them, or always be on guard to protect themselves. However, this is really just tricking that person into thinking you are someone that you are not and never allowing them to get to know the real you. Be willing to let your guard down and let your boyfriend know the real you. \\nShow your boyfriend your real personality by sharing your interests and hobbies, sharing jokes that you think are funny, sharing what type of music you like, and acting in a way that feels comfortable for you.\\nShare your hopes, dreams, and fears to practice being vulnerable around your boyfriend.\\nDo not apologize for who you are! If your boyfriend does not understand or appreciate your personality, then perhaps he is not the right guy for you to be dating.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Express your creativity.\", \"描述\": \"Although some people claim to not be creative at all, everyone is creative in unique ways. If it feels challenging for you to communicate verbally, another way to get comfortable around your boyfriend is to express yourself creatively.\\nShow him artwork that you created, songs that you wrote, poetry that you wrote, and things of that nature.\\nIf you are into technology, you could tell him about a video game, website, or app that you are designing.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Feel confident about your appearance.\", \"描述\": \"Girls especially struggle with this. There is often a feeling of always needing to look perfect when around your boyfriend. However, displaying confidence even when you do not look perfect helps you to relax around him.\\nIf you are a girl, do not be afraid to spend time with him without any makeup. In fact, many boys and men prefer the way girls and women look without makeup as opposed to with it.\\nWear clothing that feels comfortable to you. You do not always have to dress to impress; wearing jeans and a t-shirt or even sweatpants, if you are hanging out at home, is perfectly acceptable.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Become friends with your boyfriend.\", \"描述\": \"One of the most important aspects of any relationship is friendship. The strongest couples are also friends, so if you were not already friends with your boyfriend prior to dating, then build a friendship with him.\\nEspecially when first starting to date someone, it is tempting to act differently around him than you would around your friends. However, showing him the personality and side of yourself that your friends see will help you to feel more comfortable around him more quickly.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Getting to Know Your Boyfriend Better\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Spend more quality time with your boyfriend.\", \"描述\": \"Part of becoming more comfortable around him is going out of your way to spend more quality time with him. Make plans with him in settings that feel comfortable to you, whether you hang out one-on-one or with a group.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Ask him questions about himself that you are also willing to answer.\", \"描述\": \"If you and your boyfriend were not already friends when you began dating, then you likely do not know much about him yet. Take time to get to know him better so that you have a better understanding of who he is as a person. Make sure that you are willing to answer any question you ask him so that he can get to know you better as well.\\n“What is your favorite memory from your childhood?”\\n“What is your family like?”\\n“What is your favorite thing about your family?”\\n“What is your favorite genre of music?”\\n“What do you do when you feel too stressed out?”\\n“If money were no object, what would you do with your life? Why?”\\n“If you could go on a vacation to anywhere in the world, where would you go? Why?”\\n“Have you traveled much? Where have you gone?”\\n“What is your favorite hobby?”\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Answer his questions about you honestly.\", \"描述\": \"Another contributing factor to your nervousness around him might be that you are still trying to put on a certain persona. When he asks you questions about yourself, be sure to answer honestly. Not only will this build trust, but it will also give you the opportunity to be yourself and allow him to like you for who you really are.\\nIt is never a good idea to build a relationship on secrets and lies. Think about how you would feel if you found out that he lied to you about himself.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Participate in activities related to your shared interests.\", \"描述\": \"Both of you will feel more at ease when your dates are planned around something you both enjoy. Discuss with your boyfriend what types of activities you both enjoy and would have the most fun doing. \\nGo see a movie you both enjoy.\\nGo to a concert for a band or artist you both like.\\nPlay a board or video game that you both love.\\nAttend a group date with mutual friends.\"}]}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Giving the Relationship Time\", \"步骤\": [{\"编号\": 1, \"标题\": \"Allow your feelings for him to grow.\", \"描述\": \"Unless you were already friends or knew him pretty well before you started dating, you probably need to give yourself time to allow your feelings for your boyfriend to grow.\\nMost people do not fall in love instantly. “Love at first sight” is not true for many couples. Of course, you should not be in a relationship with someone that you do not even like, but do not expect to immediately feel comfortable and in love with him at the start of the relationship.\"}, {\"编号\": 2, \"标题\": \"Reflect on what brought you and your boyfriend together.\", \"描述\": \"Was it a shared interest or passion? A hobby you both enjoy? Try participating in this interest together and looking for new activities you both enjoy to help grow your relationship.\\nFor example, maybe you met your boyfriend at a comic book convention and found that you have a shared love of anime. Look for ways to build on this interest, such as watching new anime shows together and talking about them.\\nOr perhaps you met your boyfriend at a concert and learned you have very similar tastes in music. Get tickets to go to another concert together or listen to a favorite band’s new album together.\"}, {\"编号\": 3, \"标题\": \"Give him time to change.\", \"描述\": \"If you discovered that you felt uncomfortable because of your boyfriend's behavior, then give him time to change it.\\nSome people are not interested in changing who they are or their behavior. If you find that this is the case with your boyfriend, then you will have to consider whether you can continue to endure the behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable.\\nPerhaps he was doing something that he thought you liked or wanted him to do, like showing off in front of others. When he learns that you would rather he not do that, he will want to change that to make you happy.\"}, {\"编号\": 4, \"标题\": \"Trust your boyfriend.\", \"描述\": \"Building trust takes time. However, when you consider the “innocent until proven guilty” philosophy, it is helpful to trust your boyfriend until he gives you a reason not to do so.\\nThis will be hard when you are someone who has been badly hurt (emotionally) in previous relationships, especially ones in which your trust was betrayed. However, your new boyfriend did not do those things to you, and he deserves to have your trust, at least until he does something to lose it.\\nYou will find yourself relaxing around him more and feeling more comfortable when you allow yourself to trust him. Additionally, he will feel more comfortable knowing that he has your trust, which helps the relationship.\"}, {\"编号\": 5, \"标题\": \"Enjoy getting to know him and growing your relationship.\", \"描述\": \"While it is true that some couples have very few issues, no relationship is perfect. It will take some time for the 2 of you to work out the kinks and learn how to best make each other happy.\\nOftentimes, getting comfortable with your boyfriend simply takes time. The more time you spend around him and spend getting to know him, the more comfortable you will be eventually.\\nBeing in a relationship with someone is a fun and exciting experience. When you truly like and care for someone, you should show your investment in the relationship by putting in the effort to make it better. This has the fortunate effect of helping you to feel more comfortable with the relationship.\"}], \"小提示\": [\"It is your choice to open up to your boyfriend and to feel comfortable around him. Do not be afraid of the feelings he has for you, because that is his way of showing he wants to open up to you, too.[11]\\nX\\nResearch source\\n\"], \"注意事项\": [\"Never stay in a relationship with someone who is pressuring you to do things with which you do not feel comfortable, like using drugs or having sexual intercourse. This could become an unsafe and dangerous situation for you.\\n\"]}]}}",
"问题明细": "",
"扩展字段": ""
} | wikihow |
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