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Preparing | I’m mentally getting ready for it to be over. I heard that some people get peace once they’ve decided to do it but I don’t have that. I guess it’s because I don’t have a date specified yet but I am dead set on attempting next time I feel like it. It depends how my next shift at work goes. I’m not real. | 3 |
I have a strong urge to jump out of the window from the 5th fl. | I am worried about my dog. I can't stand the pain. It is unbearable. I want to make it stop. | 1 |
i think its almost time | i feel nothing , theres no thoughts in my head , and i feel no love from anyone , i feel like im watching my life and have no control of my body , barely any friends , no girlfriend , i cant stand looking at myself , failing highschool , i feel like my family doesnt like me , i feel like my friends dont like me , nobody checks on me , i have no hobbies and i dont find anything interesting , i hate the life i live and want it to end. | 3 |
I've lost contact with my only true friend and I can't go on. | I'd known them for over a decade since we met in middle school. We went to high school together, did everything together, supported each other. They knew everything about me. They were the only one who really knew how bad my depression was, and was the the only person I told when I was planning out suicide.
I don't know what happened. We had a trivial argument late last year and things changed. They told me they were working out some problems and wanted to do so alone, then stopped replying to my messages, and a month later deleted their messaging account. I've tried since to contact them and apologize for whatever I'd done, begged them to talk to me and tell me what went wrong, that if they needed help I'd do whatever I could. I received nothing in response. None of my remaining "friends" can help. One of them's high all the time and can barely hold a lucid conversation when I really need it; one just tells me to "get over" the loss of my closest friend of twelve years because it's been months; and one told me matter-of-factly that they don't want to hear about my problems.
It's been over seven months now since my friend and I last spoke. I still hope every day that I'll see a response, and each day that there isn't the thread by which I'm already precariously hanging gets thinner and thinner. This was my closest friend of over a fucking decade, gone in a second, with seemingly no reason discernible to me. And it's breaking me. I haven't had suicidal thoughts this bad in almost a year. Every time I spiral the voice in my head telling me to fucking kill myself gets louder and louder, and nothing I do can drown it out. I miss my friend so much. I can't go on like this. I don't want to keep living like this. I want it to be over. | 4 |
I just don’t see the point of me living | TW. I can’t take it anymore. Every single day I think I would be better off gone. I have done so many horrible things that would cause people to despise me if they were to find out. Trust me, I’ve done *very* fucked up things, and the worst part is that no one would ever expect me to have done them. I am constantly disgusted with myself and my past behaviors. With people being fueled by cancel culture these days, I see no hope for myself or my future. I spend most hours of the day isolated in my room, and the only way I cope is with drinking or SH. I dont wanna get involved in any relationships because I don’t want people to know some of the shit I’ve done. I’m only 21 and I already hate my entire existence. I don’t ever show this side of myself to my friends which is why I’m coming to Reddit. I just don’t know anymore. I don’t wanna be here and I’m exhausted | 4 |
everynight i feel like i wont make it, and i do, and the cycle repeats | its a fight for my life every night and i just wish it would end | 3 |
Working with depression it's quite impossible | I don't have nothing in this world whenever I'll go I will constantly be depressed and lonely. Lately I'm thinking of suicide again and it's tragic because I live with my parents and right here I dont even have a good income to rent myself a place and leave them alone. I'm just too scared man , I'm lonely and sick I take pills too, i don't see a way out | 1 |
uhh a rant about my emotions #awesomesauce (I want to crawl into a ball and cry) | Life has felt pretty meaningless to me for the past month or so. I don't know. Maybe it's the lack of social interaction or not having enough stimulation in my day to day life. I don't know. I'm scared because I just want to always be asleep and when I'm awake and not doing a task, I feel overwhelmed because I feel empty or numb. I can't describe the feeling, but I'm assuming it's something like a brain fog? I think its because of my antidepressants I'm taking. I don't know. I just can't seem to feel anything when im up at night. Like, it got to the point that I got a pair of scissors and wanted to just hurt myself. I wanted to feel SOMETHING. I didn't though, instead I went to my parents room and just cried in there and stayed up talking with them. I'm scared because I was also sexually assaulted a few months back and I haven't fully healed from that either. The whole thing i had going o lasted only like two weeks with him. It was basically him wanting me only because I was attractive. He only wanted to try and sleep with me. He didn't get that though, but I still feel so used because I gave that guy my first kiss. I was talking to my sister and as I explained things to her, she told me that alot of the things that happened, they shouldn't count as firsts because most of it was through being coerced and talked into doing stuff. That was like a punch to the gut and I felt nauseous. I know I need help and I need to see a therapist, but I can't afford something like that. I wish I could just feel the happiness and motivation I had when I was consistent with my medication back in April and May. I want to feel whole again, I don't like this stupid low of me wanting to just fade away in the abyss or some bs. I'm scared and I don't want to hurt myself either. I don't know what to do, I feel like I have no one to help me through this even though I know I do. I don't want to burden the people I care about eith this knowledge, even though they already know I've struggled with my mental health since I was like 12-13.. I'm 18 already and it's the same cycle of being happy for a month or so, and then I end up depressed for like 4 months. I don't feel like it's worth it. I've tried getting help, but what else is there for me to do??? Go to a fucking psych ward so I don't have to urge to off myself when I feel so anxious??? I am probably going to need to be sent to one sooner or later if I get to that point but oh my fucking goodness that shit does not make it sound any better.. I'm fucking on the verge of just.. I don't know anymore.. I'm sorry, if you have read this far, this is only like a quarter of how I feel. I can't express every single thing without feeling like I'm gonna combust. Yea, fear is basically where it's at right now because I know I have the power to hurt myself if I feel too much and I don't want that. I don't even know how I can get help because all the resources I had were basically only my higschool counselor. I don't even know, this feels so pathetic because I'm an adult and I can't even get myself fucking help. I need it, I know I do, but what the fuck do I reach out to??? The fucking suicide hotline??? All they do is tell me things will get better with time, yea they will, but my mental health is still shit when I finally have a stable home. IM WORRIED SOMETHING IS GONNA HAPPEN NEXT BECAUSE LIFE IS TOO PEACEFUL NOW, EVeN THOUGH IM STILL STRUGGLING. like okay I'm not going to off myself, but I also don't know if I hurt myself enough to the point that it would cause irreversible damage to myself... I want a break | 1 |
Crying so hard my teeth hurt. I'm going to buy a gun. | I had a bad conversation with my mom, and I've decided I'm going to buy a gun so I can kill myself with it as soon as my dog dies. I've been crying so hard I have a migraine and my teeth hurt to the point where my vision is blurring.
Thank god I live in America where it's easy to buy guns. | 2 |
Please help me. | I'm 14 Male. I know that most relationships don't last especially in the teens, but I really thought it would've with her. I loved her more than anything, I wanted to marry her, go to new zealand with her, have kids with her, and she was the only one I truly felt safe with. Yes,we argued a lot. But I always resolved the arguments and made it up to her after by taking her on dates and making her nice things and being treating her better. I don't know what to do anymore because she doesn't want to love me or try anymore, she told all her friends that I abuse her and hurt her, and told them I don't love her, I just want to kill myself right now. It felt like she moved on so fast even though we've been together for two years, though thats not a long time, those two years I've made so many good memories with her and I've been so happy with her, those two years felt like my whole life. And I'm a lonely person, I only have two close friends who care about me dearly, I talk to them ab my depression but I can't anymore, I can't put the burden of my pain on them anymore. I just want to learn how to heal. I've been trying to workout harder and get her off my mind but everything reminds me of her and I've been having mental breakdowns and crying till I can't form tears anymore. I'm scared I'm abusive and will abuse the next person I love, I'm scared I'll kill myself because to be frankly I want to live my life and move on but I just feel so depressed and worthless, I'm on vacation half way across the world right now and she broke up with me yesterday, I begged her to get back together but she just says I'll be her first love forever but we just aren't meant to be. It hurt me so bad, it still does. I want to talk to someone, I've been trying to eat but I can't swallow anything it just feels like I'm going to throw up 24/7. I need help, I need guidance. I can't tell my parents because I feel like they wouldn't care and would yell at me. I posted this on another community and the bot told me to post it here, and I know this is kind of stupid reason to want to end everything, but I really can't deal with things on my own or by talking to my friends. I don't want to hurt my friends either. I don't want to hurt anyone. | 2 |
My parents don’t love me, I have no friends, no relationship, no one. | If I just got it over with no one would even notice. | 4 |
Why is it always so extreme? I'm scared I won't be in control. | I've been diagnosed with manic depression or bipolar disorder or whatever you want to call it. Personally I don't care. All I know is it sucks. I was going to therapy, but my insurance no longer covers it. The medication is still covered and it hasn't been as bad since that all got sorted. Until recently. The last two months have been absolutely awful. I'll have two-three weeks of mania, feeling invincible, doing all this extra stuff. And then I'll do something stupid. And recognize what's been happening. Then reflecting on the mistakes I made will send me down a spiral of self loathing to the point I truly feel like I'm worthless and unworthy of any love. The last manic episode cost me an incredible relationship I've been in for the last half a year. I scared her with how I talked to a friend of hers that in my mania, made me feel incredibly disrespected. She ignored me for a few days. We talked a bit, but at that point I was starting my slide into depression and I made it worse by being too needy too soon and not giving her patience and space to process through what I had done. Now she hasn't talked to me in days. She still has the key to my apartment and I told her not to return it until she's sure it's over. But the waiting is making my anxiety go through the roof.
Anyway... The point is, I keep having intrusive thoughts about ending it all. While I'm driving across the bridge, every time I see my bottle of meds, while I'm cutting stuff up at work. I've always been able to push them away. But recently they've become more and more intense and nagging and the visuals have been much more vivid. I don't want to die. I have a beautiful daughter that I want to see grow into the wonderful young lady I know she will become. I used to enjoy my friends, though less now because most of them were also her friends, before they met me, which is how her and I met. I generally enjoy the work I do. I love seeing live music and I live where I'm able to go semi-regularly. I want to live for all of that. I'm just so scared that one day I'm not going to be able to control the intense thoughts. Logically I know they will pass. But in that moment Its hard to use logic.
I spent time in prison for a gun charge a few years ago. No one was injured. The firearm wasn't even discharged. But because a gun was involved it's a "violent crime" and it feels like everyone just sees me as a violent person. And anytime I show any sign of anger, all they see is a monster. I know that anger is a secondary emotion, but it's still a valid emotion. And I deal with it in healthy ways 99% of the time. My words with her friend were aggressive. I admit that. I admit that I was in the wrong for speaking that way. I've apologized to both of them. But I still feel like such an awful person for one misstep... | 3 |
No job = die | When I run out of money, I will kill myself. I’m not sure when that will be, but I apply every day and the job market is so bad. When I run out of money, I will kill myself. | 3 |
I can’t do this any more | I can’t keep waking up and pretending any of this is worth it anymore. | 2 |
That is actually inevitable. I cant believe im about to really kill myself soon. | you wont help me. i wont simply get what you say. everything good you might say to me turns to lies because thats just how i perceive myself. i cannot allow myself to live, i will feel proud for killing myself because im wasted from the very start and thats simply how it works.
finally i understand why nobody can help me, not even me. that's because i simply reject all the help voluntereely. i wont ever consider myself as worthy of something, i wont ever be happy with myself because there're some things that are just stuck to me, some things i cannot change. mainly thats all because of my looks, i feel jailed in my own body. thats not that tragical but below average definitely. i always felt that was the thing which blocked me from getting better.
i am about to do it. ive never experienced such fear.
im still the same
i haven't change. | 10 |
Not today | Feeling hopeless, but I don’t want to die today. Progress? | 3 |
my friends are getting worried about me | I guess I got complacent
they know something's wrong and it's getting harder to hide from them
I try not to say concerning things but it's my sleep schedule that's giving me away, and that's way harder for me to control
sometimes all I want is to feel like they care, but I'm in too deep and now it just feels annoying and pisses me off irrationally
like leave me alone I don't wanna be here
I really thought I was hot shit when I posted [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/13x6yfs/masking/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1) but it's clear that I'm just incredibly stupid and dense | 2 |
Take me out of my misery | I don't want to kill myself I'm way too much of a wuss. I would pay someone to put a bullet between my eyes though. I wish I could convince someone to do it. I feel like if I was "murdered" it would be easier for my kids to deal with? I no longer want to be in a world where I am just a ball of anxiety that negatively affects those I love the most. I hate the thought of leaving this world but I hate the thought of staying in it even more. | 4 |
I went abroad not to have a good time but to put an end to my life i'm scared to do it thats my problem. | I'm 23 year old girl and in my short life i dunno how my luck is so bad my mom left me when i was 11 years old she actually went on to die from suicide so that forced me to live with my dad who is a drug and alcohol addict. His friends would abuse me from a young age and would actually see me when i used to go school. I eventually escaped my dad but at a cost i committed a crime at 15 years old and ended up in a youth detention center with other girls where i got into fights alot of times.
After i went out at 19 years old i experimented with drugs and became addicted i drink almost everyday i hate myself i'm such an awful person no one at work likes me they think i'm weird when i do nothing to be weird this ends up happening in relationships they last no longer than a few months and i don't know why.
I just want to be happy i cannot live a day longer | 6 |
Not sure why I even try | Made an account just for this. Things have just been so hard lately. Everything is too much. No matter where I turn, I try my best but it's still not good enough. A lot has been piling up. Hope you can stomach a big ass Waffle.
I'm told i don't talk about my problems so no one can help me. I start talking. I'm told to shut up and I'm overdramatic. I shut up. Oh but now I don't tell anyone what's wrong and I need to talk more about my problems. Cycle repeats.
I'm told I'm lying and I'm not honest. I be more honest. "Oh my God you're being so exaggerating stop telling me your problems"
Okay i talk to others and get ghosted. Too fuckin scared to go back to therapy because I'm a disappointment and undid all the work we did together.
It's been 7 years since my last active attempt, and 7 years since I've seen the inside of a mental institution. I had to lie to get out because of school. I was honor roll, 3rd in my class (college) and I didn't want my stupid suicide to get in the way of my grand achievement in nothing. I'm not even interested in my degree anymore.
My family hates me, wants me to be ANYTHING except what I am (autistic, lesbian) they would genuinely rather I be a murderer than a lesbian. They would rather I kill myself than be happy as an autistic adult. My parents would rather I actually be dead than live a life where I am happy. And at this point I do too.
I have so much that I want to do but every time I imagine something I've created existing in the world, I get this overwhelming shame, like how am I supposed to publish a book or make art when I can't even see myself doing it. I didn't imagine myself as an adult. Genuinely never thought I'd make it to 25 but here I am, still mentally fucked as I was before.
Still Haunted by the same childhood trauma as 7 years ago. Still cutting. Still dreaming of death. Still crying myself to sleep at the thought of everyone I love abandoning me. Still triggered by childhood shit. I thought I would have grown but the only thing that grew is my self hatred. I hate myself so so much. I want to kill myself and rob myself of my happy dreams and future. I want the haters to win at this point, because im on their side too. Maybe because I didn’t solve all of my problems in my one chance at the hospital the first time. I literally had to hurt myself in front of my parents for them to take me to the hospital. I'll do it again if I have to. I can't drive and I'm thankful because I would have crashed that shit into a river by now, but there's no way for me to actually safely explain that I need to go back.
It was so so good for me. I handwrote the first full chapter of my book on construction paper . Everything was so clear, the me I hate was almost gone. Yes I did get triggered and yes I couldn't sleep because they flash a light in your face every 2 hours (because mental health and sleep are not related AT ALL /s) but I swear I just felt like no pressure, no need to mask, I could stim and not flinch because I thought I'd get hit. I could eat as much as I wanted and not get harassed for leaving leftovers. I could complain about being hot or cold and be accommodated and not told to leave the space . I could talk about my thoughts and not be told to "just do it and get it over with".
I'm sorry I had to lie to get out of the hospital sooner. I should have stayed. I should have been honest. If i knew that I would never bee
Proud of myself for 3rd in my class, I would have stayed and stayed as long as it took. If I knew that I would be robbed of my senior year privilege because the school closed, I would have stayed. If I knew that getting out into "the real world" would leave me like this, I would have stayed to this day.
People like me don't have futures. Autistic people are so hated , or maybe its just me and I happen to also be autistic. Neurotypical people hate me. I can tell by their eyes. Their body language changes when I smile at them. Or say hi. Or wave. Maybe I'm doing it wrong. I'm sorry I wasn't taught how to say hi right, I'm sorry that you're picking up on my innate un-knowledge, my pure unadulterated self. When I say I might be autistic, I get: "Oh don't think that way, your not Autistic, you're just weird/hyper/always finding weird stuff to talk about/something else please something else God forbid you be autistic and happy"
I just hate myself so bad. Everything about me is just awful man, I wish I could throw the whole thing in the trash. Or just go back to the hospital for a few more weeks and just escape from life. The worst part about being suicidal is that other people might find out. No, this is between lesbian autistic me, and "you deserve everything you piece of shit" me.
If you want more trauma , like comment subscribe | 2 |
I wish I could skip ahead to the good part, bc I can’t live through the bad stuff for much longer. | I’m tired. I want to go to sleep. | 3 |
I am thinking about this a lot lately… | I can’t stop feeling like dying is my only option. I’m no stranger to hard work and making the most of tough situations but it’s all stacked up over the years. Life just doesn’t feel like it’s worth living anymore. There is no one I can trust. The real me revolts people. My ex said he couldn’t stand being with me anymore after 7 years (the short version) and my family hates me. I have no friends and I am too ugly to make any, people just laugh at me and talk about me behind my back. No matter how hard I try I cannot get out of the debt I got into during a hypomanic episode two years ago. I have been in community college for over three years and still can’t seem to finish, and no one in this house will let me forget it. I have to manage PCOS, obesity and type one diabetes on top of it. I am bone tired. This is pointless especially since I’ll die early anyway. Stopping insulin seems like a good idea or taking it all.it’s that tempting to just give up doing anything at all honestly because that is all it would take. To do nothing. Every day I fight to save a life I don’t want. I am trapped. I am in therapy, individual and group, and even that is too stressful to continue. 22 years of misery, and everything has gotten worse. There is no hope here. I just want to leave. | 3 |
I have so many problems i want it to end | Litterally the title. IDK what it is about me but I litterally have no one to talk to on a daily basis. I feel like i have a lot to share but i cant get it out.
Personally i feel like there is are just many things wrong me with me. I am sooo ugly. Like people dont even want to look at me or they just look away from me to spare their eyes. I have the most ugliest nose ever and it looks fucking deformed and my whole face is flat and unattractive. Doesnt also help that im short as hell as a dude and no woman would ever want me. I am also probably going to go bald because all of my uncles are also bald as well. If life was a videogame I literally would have picked the worst character in existence.
I also come from an immigrant family in canada so growing up i had very few friends and those that were my friends would also be Immigrants. Theres been so many instances of racism in my life as well because I live in a small town anyway so people arent used too and actively try to get newcomers to move out.
I feel like this has caused me to have severe social problems. I cant even hold a conversation and Ill obsess over the smallest thought. I get easily distracted. every single person i have met has told me im very quiet. I think its true when even my employer random peolple i meet say I am.
I also have this weird anxiety feeling that never seems to go away and it stops me from doing the most simplest of tasks.I also get weird chest pain and i get horrible migraines and headaches. I just want to kms to get rid of this.
All my school friends have slowly faded away. I had this one friend group that we used to play games on but they have just found other people to play with so I just sit at home bored when im done work. I also made zero friend sat university (prob cuze reasons above) and my roomate was from hell.
I also had to switch out of my program at uni where i barely passed the courses that I used to get 90+. Also makes ms want to kms.
I just want out I DONT WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS. | 3 |
I’m just drowning in pain | I really should just fucking die then I’ll finally NEVER feel like this again | 5 |
Less than a year left | When I was a teenager. 17-18. I told myself, my friends and family I won't live past 25.
I am now 24 and a handful of months. And my life has just been a downward spiral ever since I turned 18. Nothing has gone well for me at all, so my plans haven't changed and they likely won't. So it may not be today, may not be tomorrow. But sometime this year I'll be dead.
And the world will be glad to be rid of me because of the monster I am. | 2 |
Now I'm gonna write a letter for my future suicide | I don't want to die, but I can't see happiness or enjoying moments.
I feel constantly trapped, even in my skin.
I gave up on my gender identity.
I gave up on college studies.
I gave up on becoming a teacher.
I'll give up on living a day.
A day I'll have the courage to kill myself.
I'm waiting to die | 1 |
23 lost my only family 2 weeks ago, feel completely alone and done with life | I lost my mom 2 weeks ago, she was 59. They think it was due ti heart disease which we never knew she had. Although after her passing I found out it runs in the family. She's all the family I have and have ever had, it's always just been us, she raised me entirely on her own and never once in 23 years did I see her with another man/boyfriend. It's always been just the two of us, I've met my grandma and grandpa once when I was 10. My dad once when I was 13 and that's it. I don't know any of the family, I don't have any other family, my mother is gone. She's all I had. Everyone lives in a different province and as previously mentioned, they're complete strangers to me. I'm beyond furious, sad and every other negative emotion . My mother did everything for me and was nothing short of amazing. I was/am her masterpiece, she raised this "great, strong man" that everyone knows entirely on her own. She had the toughest upbringing you could possibly imagine and struggled her entire life. Meaning she never was able to get ahead, especially so after i came around and she sacrificed everything to provide me the best life she could, and she did a phenomenal job at that. You would never know the pain and suffering she went through in life,, she put a smile on every persons face she came across. She is truly one of a kind. Her service is in two days, that I planned entirely on my own with the financial help of a gofund me and an anonymous person within the community. Never once posted on reddit, not a big social media guy, never ask for help or burden people with my problems. But I caught myself sitting at my desk at work, first day back after hearing the news 2 weeks ago. And looking up the most effective ways of suicide, thinking about how badly I want to go. Go and see her, go away from the reality that she's gone, go away from the fact I'll never get to hear her voice or hug her again. I have a few friends and a girlfriend of 8 months, those relationships are good. I don't know what I want out of this post, maybe just somewhere to express my thoughts and not feel so fucking alone. 3 people in the family have committed suicide, which obviously hurt my mom way more than me as I never knew them. I lost 2 buddies to overdoelses. My mom this year admitted to me she has tried 3 times this year, the last being a month ago where I left work early to take her to get admitted. They said she seemed fine and sent us home, now she's gone. Didn't proof read this, don't care to tbh. Ik it's a mess of thoughts and emotions. I feel an obligation to not ruin her celebration of life by ending mine prior to it, but I can't see me going on once that has passed on Thursday. Take care, thanks for reading and remember nothing lasts forever. Oh, I also have one tattoo i got in honor of the people I've lost. It's a noose saying hang in there, how fucking ironic | 11 |
It doesn’t feel far off. | The feeling has always been lurking in the back of my mind, but recently it feels like I could just fully commit to it at any moment. At this point I don’t really see myself making it much further into life, I’m honestly surprised I even made it this far. I’ll probably start packing up my apartment soon so it’ll be easier to clean everything up in the end. | 2 |
I don’t feel like i am alive so why should I stay? | I’ve (16f) had depression and suicidal thoughts on and off for as long as i can remember. Long story short I got really drunk and high with an older cousin about 5 days ago and trauma dumped a lot of shit to him. I started throwing up and everything goes abit blurry. He asked me if i hurt myself and how and that that’s okay because he did the same when he was younger. This whole encounter sent me into a deep depression i haven’t left my room properly since and have had some deep thoughts. I just simply don’t if want to be here anymore. I don’t feel like i’m living my life, i just feel like i’m floating watching myself live a pointless, numb life. My cousin told me to try and get help but i don’t know where to turn. I cant do this anymore. | 3 |
Booked a hotel with a bathtub. | So the date is set. Im nearly prepared with almost everything. 2 bottles of vodka. 80 strong (research) benzo's , 2000mg of strong opiod.
After I taken all im gonna lay down in the full bathtub.
Im not gonna do it in my home because I will cause trauma to my relatives.
Have a good life all, and a good ending. | 64 |
I really cant take this anymore, I really need to talk | Might kill myself | 6 |
I got two 99% on my exam and my life is ruined. i’m from Asia. | null | 1 |
Everything in my life is collapsing | Im on anti depressants, they help me not daze off into the "bad side" of my mind however they make my mood shift sometimes like crazy which isnt a problem in itself but i had some situations where someone would talk to me about something sad and/or serious and i would just laugh out of nowhere.
Not to mention how my family is struggling right now, first our beloved pet passed away and now we have financial problems (which is different topic but why not bring it now)
My school wasnt any better too, grades falling and i have to redo this whole year ( but luckily i will have invidual lessons [not sure if thats how its called im not native english])
Now to finish off all this my best friend is planning on commiting suicide, and im trying hard to convince him not to but im not the greatest with talking to people (im COMPLETELY anti-social). And my group of friends is falling apart because we just dont talk as much as before.
I dont know what the fuck am i supposed . I feel like just giving up. | 2 |
fuck what the world is becoming (my last words) | so I’m 21 years old man from Georgia 🇬🇪, I had a girlfriend 3 years ago who I loved so fucking much, but after 2-3 weeks of relationship I found out that she was cheating on me with many dudes. I have many male friends, their exes had also cheated on them, every girl is going to have multiple partners and they think it’s something cool. on discord I found one black metal server (I’m into depressive suicidal black metal also known as dsbm, if you wanna know more just listen to psychonaut 4) and one of the girls started to talk about her sexual life like how many dudes did she sleep with in one month… I ofc made her hate her own life with arguing but every other members were like “oh that’s cool, that’s awesome”. knowing about an existence of sluts, cheaters, pornography, bitches always made me sad but now I realize that world loves people like them and I’m the only one left to hate that bitches and that fact makes me so fucking crazy. that’s not an only thing making me sad. 6 years ago I had a friend who was hiding about his drug addiction, once he was acting strangely and then he fell asleep with his head on my legs, I don’t wanted to wake him up and after few hours I wanted to go home, I tried to wake him up but I realized that he was dead, I WAS FUCKING 15 and I moved his corpse into his house and his mom hugged me, we were crying for all night. during my school years there were 2 available sits, located left and right from me, nobody looked at me like I mean more than a dog to them. for my whole life I was only and only getting and getting hated, I was always sad and especially when I saw literal dickheads having a good life… depression made me smart: what makes us different from animals is that we can think, I’m the only one thinking about this world, this life and just to know things like god, happiness, love… is not real, it’s just created by people to hide world’s darkness, we just have to be strong enough to reveal that curtain of earth to see its bleak. I don’t deserve to live on that world because I’m too great for it, this world just don’t deserve having me. if you read that thanks for listening, please don’t let society blind you anymore…
yasha | 1 |
tired | the bottom line is that i know deep down my life actually does not matter.
i'm tired of living in this personal hell. | 3 |
How can I forgive her when instead of being sorry, she is grateful for the affair she has had and believes it made her a better person? | (30M) Married for 7 years with 2 young children and she (34F) has just confessed that she had a short physical affair about a year ago. Things weren’t great between us then and things aren’t any better now. I know I didn’t fulfil her needs as well as I could have and didn’t listen to her when she needed it. I know that.
She went for a walk by herself in the forest and tripped and cut her finger. A tall handsome man stopped and asked her the question I never did, “Are you okay?”. She melted like butter and although he was married, he pulled all the moves on her, asked for her contact details and met for coffee. When they met for coffee the second time, he took her to his office and has his way with her. He confessed his love for her through a late night phone call and she broke it off due to fear of entanglement. He said to her, “whatever you decide to do, I will respect it” spoken like a true gentleman.
It’s not the fact that she went and gave her entire body to someone else that kills me. We all make mistakes. But she told me that she is happy that it happened and doesn’t regret it as he gave her confidence and self esteem when she was going through a rough patch in her life. I told her she could’ve received the same thing from cigarettes, alcohol, antidepressants, counselling, talking with her husband, seeing friends, picking up a hobby or even cocaine! It didn’t have to be someone else’s husband!
His wife found out and started stalking and harassing my wife which is why she told me (just incase the other woman tells me first). This lady has been waiting outside my wife’s car and eventually followed her driving and when my wife parked, the lady approached my wife screaming and threatening and then punched her in the throat. I already told my wife that I have no sympathy for the shitstorm she has created but I will not tolerate violence towards my family. This lady continued to stalk my wife for weeks until they found each other in the car park at my wife’s work and my wife invited her upstairs for a coffee. They sat and talked and exchanged stories and tears and they have made peace with each other. It seems like everyone has found peace but me.
For the first time ever, I asked my wife whether or not she wants to continue this marriage and she couldn’t care less. It has been a year since the affair so I do not feel she will go back to him but she has confessed that she doesn’t love me anymore which brings me a pain like I have never felt in my life.
Before you guys tell me to walk, I love this girl and I want to forgive her plus we live on the exact opposite side of the globe from my hometown. If I was to leave, I would never see my kids again. There is no option for me to stay in this country in a separate house and not be with my family. I have considered getting on a plane with the kids and going back home but apparently that is considered abduction and they will be deported upon arrival.
Since finding out about the affair, I have been reduced to nothing. I feel absolutely worthless and empty on the inside. Everything that I have, everything that I had, my whole existence, my identity, my entire self worth, my value, my self image, my dreams, my hopes, my ambitions, my goals, my past, my present, my future, my family, my last name, everything I ever worked for, everything I ever lived for has just shattered before my eyes. After a week of feeling like this, I wrote a short book each to my kids to open on their 18th birthdays and I tried to take my own life but failed miserably and ended up in hospital.
Since then, I have started seeing a psychotherapist and started taking antidepressants that my wife gave me (the audacity!) She has also agreed to go to marriage counselling for the reason that “nobody can say to me that I didn’t try”. I would give anything to get this family back on track and I’m not really sure why I made this post as I don’t really have any questions to ask but I just feel so absolutely alone… | 1 |
My brain is unraveling | ADHD sucks. This society was not made to welcome people like me. I see no point in funneling prescription drugs into myself to try and fix a broken ass brain. Im unable to keep long term friendships. One of my friends just told me that i have ruined her because i switched hyperfixations and wasnt talking to her as much. I dont understand how people can just have meaningful friendships. I want it so badly but everytime i get a friend, after some years its always the same complaint and end of friendship.
I lost my job two months ago and i cant get unemployment benefits bc it was due to attendance (we had some home problems i kept getting sick due to). I couldnt even pay half of my household bills before, but this month i only had 400 to give to my loving boyfriend who puts up with me so gracefully. Every job i apply to i get rejected, and im always against over 100 other applicants. My previous boss hated me and they started treating me different when i applied for FMLA due to a decrease in my mental health this year.
I can barely make it out of bed and have barely eaten or drank water recently. I havent been able to leave my house without an anxiety attack for a week. I feel like throwing up all of my organs. I want to dig my fingers into my broken brain and pry it apart until i go stupid and fucking die. I want to drive a knife into my neck and silently watch my blood spill from it.
Theres nothing here for me but being a robot, a cog in the machine for the rest of my days. Im ambitiousless, but even if i did have any, they wouldnt pay enough anyways. I live by a railroad and everytime a train passes i think. I think about it. Ill go stare at the wheels sometimes and listen to them squeel like its a siren call. Its too accessible and im running out of strength. I'm tired. | 1 |
I got fired | For sleeping on the job
I hated that job anyway I was overworked because we were short staffed… I was even scheduled 7 days in a row one week
But I was using this position to build my career and I’m blacklisted from the entire company, can’t apply anywhere anymore
This job put me in a dark place and now that I’m fired I’m in an even darker place
I’m fucking done | 1 |
I think I have pretty much figured it out | And I feel like I don't need much to go through with it. All I need is a marker for better aim, a razor blade, a ton of alcohol and to find a nice spot in the loca woods (or any other woods for that matter) so nobody will ever find me. And that would be it. No more bullshit. Just a long nap in the woods. | 2 |
I'm really feeling it today. | I am really feeling it today. I don't know what it is, but it is in short, bad. It is not good. It can be more than one feeling, I don't know how to identify them, but they are all bad. I am thinking about suicide again, I've always been depressed, but I haven't thought about suicide like this for like 6 years. I am very aware of my chest, it feels heavy, and there is a lot of psychic pain in my head. I can't do it, life, I cannot do it. I've told myself that for over a decade, partly through experience (failure). I am mentally ill. It has affected me my whole life, made everything hard (if I'm lucky) or impossible. I have psychotic depression, psychosis in remission, although it feels like it is still there. I always wonder what it would be like if I did not have a mental illness. The moment that sticks out in my mind right now is my second suicide attempt. I drove to an isolated rural area on a dirt road on a nature trail. Made sure nobody was there. When I saw it was empty I turned on a portable generator inside my car with all the windows shut. I actually lost consciousness, but in that state i turned off my generator and left my car and walked to the trail and passed out, having no memory of any of this I woke up confused as hell, the trail remained empty, I was throwing up, had a headache, and couldn't drive for another few hours. I was ashamed, embarrassed, and even more depressed yet discouraged to try again. Here I am today alive, trying to go on, still wanting to die. It's like my brain and body want to die, but my soul refuses. I just want to feel good. | 3 |
Im at a complete low and i want out | i've never been so suicidal in my life, i was going to do it yesterday but i didn't and ended up calling lifeline, which helped a little bit but i really cant take this much longer, its just constant anxiety and suicidal thoughts, one of my friends has said she is tired of talking to me all the time, which i understand tbh and she doesn't want to hear about my problems which i also understand but it still is eating at me, i have other friends but i'm just so depressed, i have the constant fear of failing year 10 and having to re do it, all my friends would be in a different class and i cant take it im failing and i cant do school work becouse i'm diagnosed with bad ADHD and depression makes it worse, i keep getting visions and thoughts of me jumping off buildings and in front of trains, i get full suicidal intent every couple hours, i cried and cut myself in the bathroom at school today, i basically have nothing keeping me alive except listening to Juice WRLD, and they ain't letting me have headphones in class anymore, if things stay this bad too much longer i will die, that is for sure | 1 |
13 years suicidal nothing has changed. | 7:45 am: Crawl out of bed put on dress shoes, slacks and a pull over collared sweater that's dry clean only but I machine wash every week. Drive to my finance sales job.
8:30 am: Clock in. Get ready to make some sales. But wait you have 7 accounts on your calendar with complaints + margin / trade issues you need to fix because fuck you. Spend the first four hours of the day on the phone with a variety of support teams more incentivized to get you off the phone as soon as possible rather than help you fix the clients issue. Everyone of your colleagues around you is getting layups picking up the phone to happy customers bringing in money. Try to remember the teachings. Try to remember equanimity. Slowly jealousy, envy, self pity, and aversion arise. You notice it. That which has the nature to arise will also pass away. It doesn't pass away. The current rises. It's half way through the day. You're on the phone with a 75 year old woman accusing your firm of stealing from the elderly saying she's going to report you to every newspaper in the country. You escalate the issue to your manager like you're supposed to and he gives you an attitude like you caused this problem and aren't the unlucky bastard who got the random inbound. The guy sitting across from you is on his third conference call of the day telling leadership about how great the first call he took this morning was. First words out of the clients mouth before he said hello were I want to bring over a million dollars and open 5 accounts. He's running the next sales training meeting now on how you can suck less. I finish filing the complaint from the last call and move on to the next one. Water off a ducks back. You're entitled to the work not the results. I go to take the next call, I feel my heart skip a beat. Is this a panic attack? Why does my stomach burn? Sorry for disappointing you mother. Grind through the rest of the day. Get a couple opportunities, they're small and they will probably fall through. You made it through the day, but you didn't hit goal. You're a failure in need of coaching.
7:00pm: You made it through your 10 hour shift. Didn't take lunch to squeeze out the extra 30 minutes of productivity because you're a good worker bee. Drive home, stop and get some food from chipotle. Salad bowl. No rice, were on keto baby, supposed to be good for mental health and we're trying to lose weight. No beans. They hurt my stomach. Double chicken, gotta get that protein for the gains. Salsa, corn, guac, sour cream and cheese. I'm such a naughty boy.
Water for a drink. No calories and it's free.
8:00pm: get home. Inside of your mind is a storm. You want to cry for help. You want to scream. You want to die. You sit down to meditate for 10 minutes and cry for 11. Change out of your work clothes and into gym clothes. It's raining outside so you drive to the gym to run on the indoor track. Week 11 of your 10k training program. Run 4 miles, thinking your gonna die or throw up the whole time. Finish the run. Realize you just had to burp.
10:00 pm: gym closes just as you finish your workout. Drive to the grocery. Buy some protein shakes. Sit in the car listening to hurt by Johnny Cash. Text the suicide hotline not really knowing why. They ask you how long you've felt this way and you start crying like a baby when you realize you've been suicidal for 13 years now and nothing is any different. Nothing will ever be different. | 3 |
my cat is the only thing keeping me here | by all accounts, i feel like i shouldn’t even be having these thoughts. things aren’t terrible in my life — a couple of debts, credit, but i’m not in a terrible situation by any means. i’m high functioning but this is largely fuelled by anxiety that i haven’t been able to get control over recently. i can’t sleep. i think i’m going to die constantly, or that something extremely terrible will happen, and i’m 100% sure the only living being who would be in a lurch if i died is my cat, and even then, i’m sure he’ll be well taken care of.
everyone else will be fine. the suicidal ideation has been in full force over the past couple of weeks, no matter how much i try to go out, distract myself, take care of myself physically, surround myself with people who i genuinely enjoy the company of, try to imagine the future i want for myself — all measures taken, with the exception of talking to a therapist or gp, because the last time that happened they’ve just been dismissive. “just do XYZ”, as if i haven’t tried; or something like “you’ve got nothing to be sad over” is probably something i’d get.
so i’m taking measures to cut ties with people to lessen the damage. i’m really quite good at it, i think. i’ll ghost everyone first, leave all servers, block people, block numbers and then break up with my girlfriend. i just don’t want to be here anymore. i’m tired. i’m so bone-deep, heart-empty tired. | 3 |
There’s no point. I’m just meant for sadness. | null | 3 |
pet loss | recently i lost my two birds, and i am heartbroken. i had them since they were babies, and they have watched me grow into the person i am today. they were everything to me, and i feel so empty and alone. it may sound silly to be suicidal over two small animals, but i loved them with everything i had. i want the pain in my heart and my head to stop so bad. i don’t know what to do | 2 |
"you need to take steps to better yourself" | i find it so funny when people say this to me.
like you don't think i *have* been taking steps to better myself for the better part of like 5 years now?
you think i'm not constantly trying to fix myself and get better?
and then when i *dare* reach out to them and try to ask for some help, instead of acknowledging the pain, they just say some shit like "you need to take steps to improve yourself."
I HAVE BEEN! FOR YEARS! I'M TIRED OF DOING IT ALONE, AND I WANTED SOME HELP! I'M TIRED!!
the fact they even say that shows just how little they *actually* give a shit... i am so completely alone in all this.
i mean does *ANYONE* listen to me?? AT ALL???
i need to get myself out of everyone's way and then maybe people will FINALLY be happy... | 18 |
Tired | No more energy or desire to act like I care and everything is great. Leave me alone. I want to sit in the mouth of a cave looking out from a hill, no one around, and just wait to die.
I'm old. Tired of pretending that I matter. I don't.
Only time I get a response from anyone is in forums like this, from people who don't know me. Why try to make yourself feel better by trying to help me? You don't know me so how can you truly care..
Mom and 1 brother still alive other no family. None. And they are both serious narcissist . So I don't matter even to my mom or brother.
Can't work anymore, alone and no purpose.
I just give up. | 1 |
I can’t live without her | I just can’t do it. It feels like everything is getting worse than better. It’s been 2 months now from our 6 years together and I just can’t take this pain any longer. I have a day planned very soon. I refuse to tell anyone I know what I’m going to do.
I was a good man I never shouted yelled hit or abused my girlfriend. I don’t understand what changed. Her excuses made no sense. I’m just don’t and over it. I’m 35 but I just don’t have the strength or time to start over and take another chance just to be left again.
I made my mind up that this is the best choice for me. No more stress no my money issues no more struggles and no my pain. Goodbye and sorry for the lack of punctuation I just don’t care honestly. I want it all to end Thursday. | 1 |
I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE (Trigger Warning) | **Been trying to post here on** r/SuicideWatch, **but that got removed. So I tried using** r/mentalhealth **and** r/AskReddit, **but they also remove my posts, telling me I can't post suicidal stuff there, telling me to post here on** r/SuicideWatch **which I already tried. So guess I'll have to try AGAIN...**
I am so sick of **EVERYTHING**. My life couldn't have turned out **ANY** worse than this.
It's horrible. I can't take it anymore. And no matter **HOW HARD** I try, there is **NO HELP** to get...
I have been banned from getting professional help, just because I missed some meetings with a psychologist I didn't like at all(he didn't care about me at all, and was very indirectly mean). Because I didn't meet up, they threw me out and banned me.
I have tried to ask them if I can get help again, but they are just denying it now. So professional help isn't an option, as long as I'm in my country. I have no friends or anyone in my life to talk with anymore, either.
So what, then? I'm trying to use the internet and go on subreddits.
But up until this post, all my posts on Reddit regarding me being suicidal, etc. gets ignored and removed... It makes me feel like nobody in the world cares, and that everyone seeing my posts about suicide simply makes them go "how annoying. just shut the fuck up."
Guess there's no "help" available after all, huh? Or is it that drug addicts like me "don't deserve" to live and get any help? Even though I have always been as nice towards everyone I can.
Very well then. **IF NOBODY IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD IS WILLING TO HELP ME**... I will figure out a method of suicide that is painless. A suicide where neither my "survival instincts" nor anyone else can stop me.
# Some additional details:
**(*****TRIGGER WARNING*****:** ***talking about a near-suicide attempt***\*\*):\*\* I was so close yesterday to jump from the 4th floor(closer than I've ever been able to before) by forcing myself at the edge. If only I had let go, or accidentally lost my grip, I would have fallen. My father saw me and dragged me back in.
My life literally could not have turned out any worse. I dropped out of school, lost all my friends, got addicted to hard drugs(primarily heroin, which I've been addicted to for 5 years now), my girlfriend of 4 years broke up recently, leading to me having nobody at all anymore.
My entire family shames me because they think I'm only addicted to frickin' weed when it's heroin, xanax, alcohol AND weed. The only people who knows the truth are my parents.
But what help can my parents provide? The fact that I'm suicidal, isn't being taken seriously at all. My father was the one who saw me at the edge of the balcony yesterday, and just grabbed me back in, not mentioning it again, not to me nor my mother(who does not even know that it happened). My father has always claimed that he knows me better than I know myself and that I "love life too much to commit suicide", apparently.
**Nothing improves and nothing is getting better. I have nobody to talk with. I have no friends or support. I am being denied professional help for the stupidest reason.**
**My mental health is completely shattered. I never feel happy or joy anymore. At this rate, I'll soon lose my legs or even die within a few years ANYWAY. Because of my IV heroin addiction.**
**Even if I quit heroin TODAY, I still have a high chance of getting complications that could kill me later on.**
**Why should I stay alive and suffer like this, with everything only getting EVEN WORSE? Especially when it's nearly guaranteed that I'm going to slowly die anyway, within a few years?** | 1 |
I wanna tell a friend but I don't know how. | How would I even approach the topic?
"Oh that's nice, anyway I hate myself so much I can't go a day without wanting to kill myself haha"
And should I even tell her at all or is that unnecessary added pressure? It's just weird that I'm suicidal but literally no one in my life is aware at all. Then again, do I want them to be aware? | 8 |
Don't know how I'll get through tomorrow | Finally disclosed to someone (GP/doctor) that I wanted to kill myself when I was 8.
Struggling to process the emotions and feeling of being unwanted and questioning whether I was my (abusive) parents' child after how they treated me - which came back with the memory of when I was 8.
Unable to cope with going through all the abuse from my childhood, adolescence and twenties.
Triggered yesterday by a billboard which used the same phrase my dad used.
Had a horrible 1:1 supervision where my manager had a go at me and triggered memories of my dad going through my school reports and berating me whilst doing so - she knew about yesterday and my breakdowns this morning but it seemed as though she didn't care. I couldn't cope and left the 1:1.
Scared of losing my job over it.
.
Really don't have any energy or reason left to carry on through tomorrow. | 6 |
I clawed my way back from the edge, and for what? | About a year ago I checked myself into a psych ward because i was 100% sure that I was going to kill myself if I didn't.
When I got out, I did everything I was supposed to do. Went to see the doctors. Took my medication. Gave up drinking. Got a job. None of this was easy for me, and I suppose I am proud of myself for doing it all; a year ago all of this seemed literally impossible. But now I just feel like "what next?"
The pills have elevated my mood - somewhat. I don't love my job but I usually don't hate it either. So what am I supposed to do now? Just go to work, take my pills, pay my bills, eat 3 square meals, day in and day out, month after month, year after year, until what? What am I supposed to find meaning in on this wretched, dying planet?
I feel like it's only a matter of time until I start drinking again. Or have another mental breakdown. Or both. | 18 |
The last few days I have been more seriously considering suicide | I have had suicidal thoughts ongoingly since I was in my teens, I’m now 34. I made some suicide attempts in my teens, but I do believe these were more crying out for help / attention than serious attempts.
I got a grip on my behaviour in my 20’s and starting really improving, with a consistent happy outlook and curiosity about life. I travelled, met my husband, got a lovely dog, and we eventually settled near where I grew up.
This last year has been unbelievable. We lost a baby full term, at 38 weeks. Our first. My son, Dylan. I miss the feeling that we were going to have a family. The “birth” was the most traumatic experience I can imagine, like being tortured in hell. I am so afraid of it happening again, that I am seriously doubting if I can have kids at all.
My health has also been deteriorating, I got diagnosed with Graves’ disease which has brought a range of symptoms that are killing me. My stomach is currently in knots, with stabbing pains. I can’t even eat tonight. I’m scheduled to have my stomach checked soon for a gastroscopy.
I am just blown away by how unfair it all is. I did everything right. I worked on myself, improved my self esteem, I tried to be good to others, I worked very very hard. And inside of a year I’ve been transformed into a creature that barely leaves the house, has constant health ailments and severe anxiety.
On top of that, I’ve become obsessed with hating capitalism. I blame my being poor for pretty much all my problems. If I was rich, they would have done more tests and caught the issues with my baby. If I was rich, I could take time off work to rest and heal from this trauma. If i was rich, I could go to art school like I always wanted. But I’m on a hamster wheel just making ends meet. I was always on this hamster wheel…. But now I’m stuck with horrible health problems, pain, constant trips to the doctor for blood tests.
I truly don’t see the point in this. I haven’t felt good in my body in so long. Why live on like this? I hate this life. I have finally given in to the fact that I just hate life. | 1 |
Hey... | I can't do this anymore. The heaviness of even admiting that I don't want to be here is overwhelming. I love my son and wife so much but they don't see it. I've failed her I've failed him I'm sorry for not being a better husband and father | 1 |
i dont want to live life as if i want to die | passive ideation for the first time in over a year. this isnt serious but it is startling how fast this shrouded me. i simply dont like living this way and it saddens me | 2 |
I'd be okay with being in a psychiatric facility but don't want to wait in the ER | I desperately want to die. I look forward to it, I see it as the best thing that could happen to me. I think it'd be celebrated, by the people who drove me to drop public school, to the people who harassed me, to the people I know who hate me. It'd make more people happy than the amount of people who would be sad. But I'm so scared of failing, of feeling pain. I'm most scared of ending up in the ER for days. Last time I made an attempt, that happened. They wouldn't let me shower and I was there for 3 days waiting for a psych facility opening. They said I could leave at any moment and other people needed to shower more. I wasn't allowed to have my phone, even though all I wanted it for was to read and watch Youtube. They ignored me for hours when all I wanted was something to help me sleep and I was in hysterics over not being able to sleep. My heart rate monitor would go over the limit and make noise constantly, and they made me wait a day just to fix it. It was horrible. I had no one. The psych facility was the happiest I had been in over a year. That part was great. People loved me. I felt loved for once. It was full of people who were like me. It was weird to laugh and feel so happy. I miss it in a way, even though it had awful parts too. I got yelled at by staff because my awful paper pants kept ripping. They were condescending and rude, but the good parts outweighed the bad. But waiting for that was awful. I guess it was supposed to be, to deter me, but now I'm more likely to just destroy the things around me rather than myself. | 2 |
too weak to live, yet not strong enough to end it | i wish i could just disappear | 3 |
Placed in sucide watch by my gp after making comment | 21 weeks pregnant, I made comment to my gp about having depression and anxiety in the past and have done self harm. She has decided to place me on sucide watch | 1 |
I need a hug. | I feel numb | 2 |
I don't expect things to change | I have BPD. It's mild, after lots of treatment, but it's still there. My therapist just broke up with me so I could get a "higher quality of care" AKA go to a hospital and do their BPD program. I don't know why that sounds so fucking unappealing to me. I feel hopeless. I don't want to live because no matter what happens, I'm always going to be a sensitive, ungrateful little bitch that nobody wants to care for.
I thought about a noose, but there's no way my fat ass wouldn't break whatever it's hanging from. Suicide by heroin, no money for that. I just started taking my meds again, but I want to stop them again so I can feel miserable.
My boyfriend is incredible, but I'm afraid he's naive to my condition. I don't think he'll understand what kind of hell I'm going to bring into his life. He knows I have bipolar and BPD. I don't think he fully grasps it. I'm thinking about breaking up with him. I love him a lot, but he doesn't deserve someone like me fucking with his own mental state.
I fucking hate myself and I want to see me gone. | 1 |
Genuinely struggling | I've posted here for years whenever I'm deep into a depressive episode. I've been passively suicidal for my entire adult life, but never seriously considered taking my life. But now I've lost another friend from my life because my brain is broken. It doesn't work like other people's brains. I just don't know how to ever keep anyone in my life. I feel like I'm just some defective meat-based robot just programmed to cause my own pain and demise. I'm so tired of suffering and struggling only to be alone again. It's even worse with romantic relationships. It's like I'm just not built to have them. I'm just so tired of all the pain of being alone | 1 |
Hope their happy | I tried to talk them, all I got what yelled at and disrespected, they clearly don’t care.
Sorry just needed to vent | 2 |
I’m trapped | My whole life I’ve hurt people and been hurt. It grows tiring. And they move on, and I’m trapped with my own thoughts every day. All day. It never ends. I can’t afford products to kill myself swiftly. Im scared to swallow chemicals or cut my wrists. I’m tired of these intrusive thoughts. I don’t know what to do. I’m trapped in a body I can’t stand. I’m trapped with myself. I haven’t had face to face contact with non family or vendors in months. Why can’t this world let me go. Why is wanting to leave seen as taboo? Let me have this agency. | 3 |
Removing myself | I know I do a-lot of wrong in this world. My contribution to this small piece of existence has been less than average, leaning to the detriment of the quality of life for the populous of people I interacted with. I don’t fit into society norms and it usually leads to a negative effect. I think I should be removed but I’m too much of a coward to do it. I don’t when I will be able to, but I hope I do. I just know things will be better once i go from peoples lives. Its not fair for them. | 2 |
Is there some way just to talk to someone | I've set it up, for ve to get wait month for MAYBE a place in a clinic. Suicide hotline is full. I just need someone to to talk in my broken state. | 3 |
My day just got ruined. | A friend told me that a few people in my class are talking shit about me in the same room as my friend. Two of them are just dumbasses but one of them is a person I knew and that was in my class. I just feel so shitty as they also mentioned how weird I am even though I spent literally the whole year trying to fit in since I switched programs. I really feel like shit, like every friend I have secretly doesn't like me, or thinks of me as a burden. I don't know what to do, I feel so ashamed of myself, so ugly.
Should I confront the people who talked behind back via text? | 1 |
Need something to lie to me | I really need that someone console me, that someone tell me that is okay, that I'm doing well. Please someone write a comment like if we were friends and they know me and tell me that I'm going to be better. That therapy is necessary and I'm doing well and one day I will have a perfect live and one day I will be the perfect mother.
Please, I really want to belive all of that.
[Edit]: sorry, in the title was supposed to be write "someone" | 3 |
I dont know what the fuck to put for a headline | To be honest, I don't know why I'm in therapy anymore. I'm refusing to take anything in, I hardly work on the mechanisms in place to help me, i hardly function because I'm just fucking lazy to want to do anything good for myself. I believe I am nothing and I just let it happen and do nothing to stop it. I'm a waste of energy, time, and space. Why am I here? My work isn't even valued. The one person in my life that can keep me going is my husband because I know he loves me. But I don't love me. But yep, I suppose that's the only reason why I'm still here. No one sees me for me. I want to quit. Give me an out. I don't want meds I don't want therapy. Just give me an easy out, please? | 2 |
i might kill myself next month | im going somewhere on the 29th of this month that will give me an opportunity to see if living a better life is possible and if getting away from my parents will ever be possible (not going to get too into detail). if i find that its not possible, i'll post back here and then kill myself. if i find that it is, then i'll stay alive. i don't want advice or anything, i just don't have anyone to tell and wanted to get my plan off my chest. | 2 |
I hate being ugly | If I was a pretty girl people would actually like me. If I was thinner or paler or had a nicer bone structure then everyone would care about me. They would care when I cut myself or when I try to kill myself.
But I'm not. And I'll never be. | 1 |
Is living worth it anymore? | TW: implications of suicide, religious systems, & controversial societal issues.
Hi, I just want to start off by saying the admitting the following. I’m not poor, I wasn’t raised with a silver spoon. More a copper one. I currently am fully employed, have an amazing girlfriend, & had a decent childhood. I was able to enjoy the things I want & got a semi happy childhood.
However, ever since I graduated highschool. I’ve gotten out in the real world…..
I’m really starting to question if living is still worth it. I mean, the worlds falling apart. Cultures are fighting. The political system is so corrupt in the US, no average or even above average American can make any real legal change. We have WWIII, just waiting on edge. Ecomicly the standard of living is decreasing while the cost of living is increasing… so what’s the point? Almost every major religion I researched has some form of a post-death process/system. For your abrahmaic religions it’s heaven & hell. For Pagans it can range, from Valhalla in Norse or eleysiim for Greeks & on & on. Other religions have other systems… so I’m asking…. What’s the point of suffering a life in a failing world with no real chance of saving… why not end it all now? | 1 |
My coping mechanisms are failing | null | 5 |
making it easier | during one of these drinking sessions, i wouldn't doubt if i offed myself.
medication + alcohol = more numbness.
it makes it more easy. | 1 |
Just don’t know anymore. |
I've been going in and out of phases of feeling really shitty, even though things have been going well. It always keeps coming back, and it's getting more frequent. I just don't know what I can do anymore. It's just getting bad, and it's not going away. It's been going on for a couple of years now, and I just can't take it.
It's not like I have a bad life; I have a rather fortunate one. But I just can't get the happiness to stay. At the end of the day, I just don't see myself having a long life or that I even want one. I can't do that to my girlfriend, family, and friends. If I do end my life, I've seen the pain it can cause. But I also can't keep going. I just don't know what I can do. | 2 |
I don’t know how to go on. | I don’t know where to get this out or if it even matters, but here it goes. I’ve been on a rapid decline in mental health recently and the suicidal thoughts are getting stronger. I have been medicated, been to therapy, and even placed in a mental hospital because of my anxiety and depression, but nothing seems to be working. I’m trying my best to improve my life and the suicidal thoughts just won’t end.
My anxiety cripples me in every social interaction. It doesn’t help that I’m a big ugly bastard, so people tend to be afraid of me and it makes me worry that they think I’m a creep or something while I’m just trying to talk to them, whether it be a cashier or people at my job. It doesn’t matter. Even if I manage to talk to people, I just stare at the floor and start panicking.
I'm crippled by overwhelming loneliness. On days I don’t work, all I do is lay in bed hugging a pillow all day and night. Struggling to sleep because my mind won’t let me, even though I take strong sleeping pills.
I’ve tried medication, cannabis, exercise, eating healthily, therapy, etc. but none of it has seemed to help me and the loneliness is beginning to become too much for me. The feeling of knowing I’ll never have anyone is just overwhelming. I’ve already attempted suicide once in my life and I’m worried I’m getting close to that point again.
I’m sorry for spilling it all out like that, but I’m genuinely at a loss. | 1 |
i want to commit suicide | null | 2 |
I don't think I can fight anymore | I fucked up my last relationship, and made it even worse when my ex was in my favourite bar in my hometown (he doesn't live there) and I texted him asking him to fuck off and never come back. He only ever did one thing wrong, and yet I said that crap and I've likely burned every bridge possible with him. I'm so angry, but only at myself, and yet I can barely even feel the anger. I'm crying right now. I love him so much, and I just can't fight the pain of this bullshit that I caused myself. I was so mad when I found out that he'd found someone else, and yet, he absolutely deserves someone better than me. I'm a horrible person. I hate myself so much and I just don't think I can do this anymore, I fucked up so badly. I miss him. | 2 |
Why does everyone only see me as a girl | I’m tired of every one in my life misgendering me I want to kill myself but they’ll just put my birth name on my grave
Even my therapist man I can’t do this anymore
I don’t want to be alive | 1 |
i overdosed but im still alive | why? | 4 |
I have everything and am in so much pain | I (19) come from middle class parents that love me and support me however they can, I go to a good college and got into a really good program for what I'm studying. I have a girlfriend that loves me and a few decent friends. I am so lucky but I want to die more than anything. I drink so much every day bc it's the only thing that numbs the pain. I tried tons of different meds and therapists and nothing worked. Should I just go for it and see what's after life? | 2 |
1st attempt failed | i tied the scarf around my neck and tied it to the doorknob, but i wanted to listen to my favorite songs again. i also didn't know if i was doing it wrong, it's not like i'd be found but dying really isn't easy. i know the method i chose is really hard to go through but idk. i don't have access to a gun or pills, but i got to listen to my favorite song again and danced in my room. | 4 |
Overdose | I want to find something in this house to overdose on. I can't do this anymore. I failed as a friend. I can't do this for someone else. I am at my limit. I want to walk away but I can't. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. Anxiety is painful. I can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore. | 1 |
Going to kill myself somewhere this week | Honestly I've had fucking enough,seems like I can't be happy and whoever I like just leaves,I'm too tired mentally to even re explain my story from the beginning,it got even worse,I'm only 14 but holy shit I hate everything,I'm gonna try either smoking or drinking the pain away,and If that doesn't work a good overdose will | 2 |
"If gaze into the abyss the also gaze into you" | Nietzsche was so right about this.
I can't see nothing else. | 2 |
I just wish my life did not came to the point where I found myself browsing this subreddit | null | 277 |
I’m withdrawing from Xanax and ran out, so I can’t even taper off them slowly. I’ve called people and no one has helped. I had to take the last 2 days off work, don’t know how I’ll work tomorrow. Have also been suicidal for days | I called the addiction hotline and they were very empathetic but it was more of a counselling service. They said because I’ve abused them, no doctor will prescribe them to me now and to get my psychiatrist to write a note on the script to get as needed, so if I need it in an emergency, I can go to a pharmacy and show them that and they can give me a supply. I called my psychiatrist office and they said she’s not there and won’t be back until next week but they said they’ll send her an email anyway. I feel very weak, on edge, shaky and have a bad headache. In the past, only alcohol has worked. I know, my coping mechanisms are horrible. I do have a psychologist appointment in a few days thankfully, so I can talk to her about it. But what do I do? I don’t want to go back to alcohol. If I go to the emergency room, I doubt they can do anything. Being an addict is so lonely, people just judge, including healthcare workers. I’m trying my best and my anxiety is so bad. I never wanted to get addicted to anything, no one does. So please don’t judge me. I’m really trying my best but it’s becoming too overwhelming. On the first day I called in sick to work I was on my way there and had to call and say I couldn’t and I was sick and I also drove over a bridge that I a few years ago stopped on and was going to jump off, but thankfully police officers came and took me home. But I also went underneath the bridge and parked my car there and just cried and was so suicidal, until I managed to make myself drive back home. This is so exhausting. Being anxious daily, the only things that help you are bad for you, ie Xanax and alcohol and yes before people ask, I’ve tried other things too, other medications as well that aren’t addictive like Lexapro, propranolol, etc but they don’t work. Being an addict is even more exhausting. Please someone give me advice 😢 I feel so alone. No one talks about this in real life, especially addiction. | 1 |
Pregnant alone and want to die | So i am pregnant but I hate the father, my family hates me because I once loved him, im depending on him cuz im in his country, i throw up all day everyday cant stop smoking and crying and wanting to scream, my family hates me and now that im pregnant even more they told me to get on myself cuz im an adult now. I cant feel love for this baby his family also doesn't care nobody cares about their unborn grandchildren. I hate myself I hate this world Im super loving person to the point im foolish and get betrayd everytime. Im tired of everything this baby will ruin the rest of life I was left with. Planning on hanging ourselves appreciate any tips. | 2 |
What’s the point if things will never get better? | All I’ve done is fail in my life. Failed to follow my parents’ wishes by pursuing my own dream of being a film producer. I’ve been trying for 5 years, giving up so much of my life to the job and still can’t get promoted. Especially now with this strike. My boss doesn’t care about me and my peers are all treated better. I’m a woman of color with immigrant parents and I think that’s why I’ve had trouble fitting in and dating. People like me but they won’t go out of their way for me. I’m so lonely. I tried to plan a birthday party for myself and 3 venues have canceled on me last minute and I am just feeling so defeated. I really think that other than my mom, it’ll be easier on everyone if I was gone. My siblings are much younger than me and always get annoyed with my mom’s attention towards me. My cousins are way younger too - I’m first gen American and the only one my age. It just feels easier if I was gone - parents will have each other, younger kids will have each other and I won’t be that weird person in the middle. I would stop feeling the pain of failure and the difficulty of just doing normal things in life. I wasn’t pretty or smart or talented enough for this world. I know my family has money, but I don’t feel comfortable relying on it cuz people will judge me for using it. Perhaps better to just quit now if I can find a non-painful way to do it. I can’t imagine I’ll wake up tomorrow without some new stupid problem I can’t fix. Don’t think my life is one where things get better. | 1 |
I’m begging at this point. | My dad talked to me and I told him I wanted to die and he said all that he could but it’s like his words did nothing for me. My aunt came in the next day and told me she would be devastated. But still it was nothing. It’s just making it worse. It’s like my brain needs to hear a specific sentence from a specific person to make me want to live. And it’s just not happening. I sat here crying for hours begging for it to be over. Begging for something to take me out. I don’t want to be hear bro. I just want rest. | 1 |
:( | I'm thinking about ending my own life, I am depressed, nothing has set me off, I'm done with life, life can piss off, I want to be in a coma forever..Life hurts...I just want to overdose on my anxiety medication... | 1 |
How do i find a reason to breathe | I keep trying to find reasons to hold on and not attempt. Ive tried finding faith, distracting, finding small things that make me happy, and reminding myself of good and happy things. Im trying really really hard to find things that keep me from attempting suicide. Even temporarily but nothings helping.
My situation is good, I'm going to school for my dream job, things in my life are going well and looking up but everything feels so hopeless. nothing makes me happy anymore, I feel so apathetic to being alive and Im trying so hard not to.
I try finding beauty and hope in small things like my therapist suggested, I might try medication but it didnt work for me in the past and i hate the side effects. im at a loss and everything seems so hopeless and like Im just delaying the inevitable.
i dont like telling people i love about it. i dont like telling people in general, but the more people i care about i tell the more i feel like i'm a burden and making it their responsibility to keep me alive. I hate being a liability to my loved ones, and i hate feeling like this. it all makes it worse.
i have a plan, and i have a vague idea of a date. i already know how i'm going to try and i've proofed it a bit to see if it be fallible and fail, i don't know why i haven't attempted yet other than the hope i'll find a reason to keep going but it keeps seeming more and more like nothing will help. i'm at a loss for what to do | 2 |
Hi | null | 1 |
Is there any free indian help service? I got a msg from one life foundation but for some reason, they think that only americans suffer through this. | I dont want those government helplines. Only fools are there on the other side | 1 |
My depression has made me unlovable | Two of my closest friends left me today. They said that they were constantly worried and uncomfortable around me. I was always feeling like I wasn’t liked by them as much and in feeling so I pushed them away. It’s all my fault. I wish they hadn’t bottled it up until it was too late, but I was a terrible friend. I was so caught up in my head I didn’t see until it was too late. And I have so few friends already, I’ve lost so many friends because of my depression. I’m just a giant fuck up. The worst part is that the spiral this has caused is just proving them right. If I were to kill myself now I’d just ruin them. They’d blame themselves. But it’s not their fault. It’s mine. I’m unlovable. My depression is hurting the people I love. They don’t love me anymore because of it. I want to die. I’m in crisis. | 3 |
Talk me out of ending my life | Basically the title. I hate college, have no friends and all I am is an expense with no true purpose in life. No one checks in with my mental health and going to college classes was a huge mistake. Got in a huge fight with my friend. Tell me to stay here, give me one good reason not to put myself out of my own misery | 2 |
I feel bad for opening up | I talked to a trusted friend (who does not like hugs and stuff like that) about how I had a plan to kill myself. They are older then me by like 4 years and they have been through what I have when they were my age. When I told them about my plan they hugged me and they dont really like touch. And today im feeling really bad about oping up im consitering going through with my plan. They already lost some one to suicide and I dont want toleave them but they hugged me they dont like touch I cant take this someone help please Im not going to make it. | 1 |
I wish I was dead since last year. I've done nothing but harm others and myself. | 24M, and I'm in serious debt. $15k worth of debt, I'm bipolar, I have no friends, I'm with my parents and sister.
Every fucking day, I try to persevere with the best smile I can give, but I'm unemployable because of how I am, and can only get a P/T job making at most, $600/month. I have no sense of financial literacy, I've taken medication to help my bipolar calm down, but nothing that I do seems to make me escape from the hell hole I'm in. I only have a high school education.
I wish I killed myself last year because no one care about me or my future. My parents prefer my sister over me and I feel so alone. | 2 |
the thoughts are constant and loud | Been attempting since i was 12 after traumatic events. Managed to get the urges under control after years of therapy abroad.
Im back to my country - a tiny island- who everyone thinks that if you dont talk about your mh struggles, they are not there.
I struggle with chronic anorexia and cptsd but i get no help because we dont have it here.
Im broke, no friends, family ignores my issues and calling me burden and i have the strong urge to disappear.
Because ive tried sm in the past i think i know what i can do to succeed but whats holding me back is what if it doesnt? then ill have more issues than now.
My head is not so kind lately | 2 |
I destroyed my own life!!! | 24 M and I wasted my last 10 years with overthinking,negative thoughts,anxiety,severe addiction to p**n,no meaningful interaction with human beings all of them because I used to think before action and my fucked up brain always produces negativity and all of a sudden reality check comes in and I have nobody literally…and unfortunately I don’t have the courage to end my life but it’s the only answer for my miserable life ! | 1 |
paracetamol | tw , attempt
I don't know what to do. i took a paracetamol overdose right before bed and fell asleep at 9pm. i later woke up at 2am and i could not stop shaking so much. i was shaking uncontrollably and i kept feeling the need to poo and ended up going to the toilet twice and i also felt so nauseous but didn't throw up. i took a bowl up to my room incase i did throw up and i tried to go back to bed. i was still shaking and felt sick and everything but it calmed down as I layed on my side in bed and soon the symptoms stopped and now I'm just shaking and i kind of have diarrhea at 4am. i couldn't fall back asleep so i just rested my eyes. does this mean i failed my attempt if the symptoms went away?? im so confused how or why the symptoms just went away like that.. | 1 |
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