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I have an unfunny bone :( | I hit my funny bone and it hurt and was painful it wasnt funny :( | 1 |
Is r/sad going dark tomorrow | I kind of need someone to talk to/ vent to | 4 |
I quit | i am 14 male and am going through an extreme stage of depression. I live with grandparents which is fine but my dad passed and my mom was charged with child endangerment when I was 2 so I cant live with her. I have been a failure to my parents for about 3 years now because I just can't seem to do anything right. I try my hardest but I just manage to completely screw everything up in almost anything I do. I have been crying my self to sleep for a while and can't stop thinking that everything's my fault. My parents should be enjoying retirement as they are 65 and 66. I know they would enjoy life with out me as it would save them a fortune of money wasted on me. So I'm stuck with no more options but to leave | 3 |
My dogs were surrendered | My dads landlord suddenly decided to kick him out and he has a bad rental history so he had trouble finding a new place. His new place doesn't allow dogs so the landlord assured us she'd take care of them. Next day my dad moves out she fucking surrenders them. I feel anger and sadness knowing my dogs are scared and confused. I’m off at college so I never even got to say bye. I fucking miss them. | 2 |
Why can't people treat animals and insects like humans? | It breaks me to my core, I can't help it. I'm so attached to living things. I hate how animals and especially bugs die in the most horrible ways. But humans have it so much better. I just don't understand how this can be possible and it haunts me. | 2 |
my cat caught panleukopenia. | idk what to say, she has been accompanying me since middle school.
wish my cat the best, you all. | 2 |
why it is so fucking hard to find someone to love | fuck | 6 |
Try to not fall behind | I messed a lot shit up in my second year, most of my friends already far ahead of me, and keep progressing step by step , i fall behind and can’t keep up, eventually afraid to face it, slowly lose confidence and decide to take a rest for a bit but end up shut in my comfort space for half a year( I got stuck in my own cage)
today, I take a step out of my comfort zone, try to get back to college life again, try to build my confidence back slowly, I will keep going slowly and fix things that I mess up, I will face it slowly as best as I could. | 1 |
It’s been a hell of a journey, friends. | It’s a little after midnight my local time, on June 12 of 2023. The day the Reddit blackout is to begin. 2 days of some communities shutting down won’t do much as many other have said, and the only way to make Reddit listen would be to take more permanent action. I’ve been a Reddit user since the fall of 2006 when a high school teacher introduced me to the website as a source for news that also provided relevant insight and more importantly, context. I was immediately hooked. Now 3 accounts and a decade and a half later Reddit has become part of my daily life. Seldom a day has gone by when I haven’t visited Reddit at least once. I have spent countless hours on Reddit, learned so many things, and have met some really amazing people. And now that journey is coming to an end. Tomorrow for the first time in more than a decade and a half I won’t be getting my news, entertainment, conversations, or information from Reddit. Unfortunately, reddit has decided that corporate profits are paramount, and with that decision the community I have grown to love so much, dies. Reddit will no longer be a platform where discussions are valued, which is the reason many of us flocked here in the first place. Instead it will become a mindless profit generator no different than any other social media website. I hope that Reddit will reconsider its actions before they destroy it. I never thought leaving a website would make me feel this sad. It’s been one hell of a journey guys. Peace. | 0 |
idk how to deal with this empty feeling | i cant even describe what exactly it is. it’s some sort of loneliness, the thought that everyone is going to leave me at one point just scares me and i have no one to talk to about it. i get this feeling out of the blue, randomly, and currently feeling it right now. i have good, caring people around me, but i just want to cry in someone’s arms sometimes for no reason. how do i deal with feeling lonely, when you really aren’t? | 11 |
Don’t do drugs when you’re lonely | Cause then you won’t be anymore | 1 |
A bore & vent | Everything seems boring. No holidays seem special or fun. Nothing is good. I'm younger, and the last time I actually had a fun time with my family on Christmas was when I was 5 or 6. Same with birthdays. The last actually fun birthday I ever had was my 5th birthday. And school and everything is boring, friends don't last as long as they used to, songs are fucking lame and all the same, ads are stupid and don't even make you wanna buy the product anymore, everyone looks the same, wears the same clothes, everything. And don't even get me started on gen x and older millennials and older leaving us all the problems that THEY couldn't fix themselves be mad that we can't fix them. And everyone is focused on love! Who gives a fuck who your crush is? Like everyone is like "WHOS YOUR CRUSH???" and won't take "I don't have a crush" for an answer. And it's so annoying as an aro/ace person too because everything involves crushes and love. Nothing platonic anymore. And if you do anything remotely different to others you're "that one weird gay furry kid who likes trans ppl" like💀 my whole fucking school is like that so just to fit in I have to act homophobic and transphobic and shit. And I don't even feel comfortable sharing my thoughts with anyone, especially my violent ones because I think I might be an actual psychopath- and like, having disorders and stuff is trendy and shit now. Like it's cool if you go to therapy and you're cool if you threaten people. But actually, think about your reputation. What would people think if you acted out? I made that mistake at my old school though I never got violent because STILL, I knew people would hate me. Do that in private. But ofc, since you've been in this school since fucking pre-school, you can do that shit. Ppl really gotta think abt these things though like, manipulating people is a key part of violence and crime. Making people think that you would never do that so they don't get suspicious of you. But you get to just skip that part I guess since you're a cool kid that everyone knows. Like I swear, this girl strangled this other girl for no reason at all. THEN THE OTHER GIRL FORGAVE HER. JUST BECAUSE THEY WENT TO SCHOOL TOGETHER. no effort I swear. So yeah now the only things that can cheer me up are musicals, Christian Borle, Andrew Rannells, Eric Cartman, south park, the goddamn Lorax movie, older songs, Elvis Presley, ABBA, German shit, and Will Ferrell. They're just so funny and cool and shit. It just feels like they get me. Like I'm pretty German, cartman and I are violent, the Lorax is funny as shit, I'm in Love (platonically) with Christian Borle and Andrew Rannells, and Elvis is amazing and so is ABBA. So yeah. That's my vent. People suck ass. Please tell me what you think and how I can find out if I'm actually a psychopath or not. So yeah anyways holidays aren't special or fun anymore like Halloween and Easter. I never find eggs. There's nowhere for me to go trick or treating, and I HAVE to go to church because my parents are Roman Catholics so I HAVE to be roman catholic too. But I don't wanna die, I WANNA live. There are too many opportunities for me to kill myself and miss them. Like I wanna be a stage actress. And commit a few more crimes. I've only ever shoplifted a few times but I really wanna do something bad and get away with it. So yeah holidays. They're boring now. So yeah that's it bye bahahahha | 2 |
Is there any point with anything? | Why do I even wake up? Why do I even wake if i have no one to love, call me selfish but I care about no one. Literally, I only ever cared about this one person who no longer exist in my life. But after a point I realized it's not that person but the idea that there's a person you can talk to, share everything, tell em how much u love them. If that is not there in life that whats the effing point of existence. I sleep every night hoping that I don't wake up.
It just feels lifeless, like a zombie... ah I hate this feeling! How many times i tell myself that just stop whining and end everything but I am too weak to even do that. | 8 |
My crush doesn’t know how much i truly care about him. | Hi everyone, im sorry this post is so long. I have lots on my mind and can’t tell anyone except reddit. this is my first post and I really need help.
So i’m 15 F and my crush is 15 M we will call him C. I met C at the beginning of this school year, as he and a couple other of his friends just moved into a public school after attending a private school their whole life. He was very friendly but quite shy. Luckily he got settled in pretty quickly, and he was in almost all of my classes. At first i didn’t pay much attention to him since our school usually gets a couple new kids every year and i am too, a bit shy. But i quickly warmed up to him as he got close with one of my best friends M. (Male). C seemed like a nice guy and i was definitely interested in becoming his friend, so was my cousin J (M). Since C was always around my friend M, we got to talking a bit and became friends! He was very sweet, and we had a lot in common. I added him on social media and debated about texting him but I decided it was worth a shot. I found out he’s into sports (basketball, soccer, and track.) and he was very good at them! Now i play softball and like to think i’m good at it, but that’s besides the point. I also found out he was very good at art, and played some of the same video games I did! I really love art, and gaming as they are my favorite hobbies. My friend M, put us, and a couple others in discord chat to game together. We became closer and closer.
But, from the beginning of the year I learned that my cousin J, who is gay, had feelings for C. I of course supported him, as I love my cousin and want the best for him. My cousin and I grew up very close and he is one of my favorite people. J also loved to play video games and often joined us. As C and I became closer, i began to realize i started feeling something i had never felt before. I’ve never been in a relationship, (neither has C) and I didn’t really understand what i was feeling. C wasn’t my type although he is very pretty, but i felt as if my type switched to him the more i was around him. We have the same sense of humor, we like the same genres, hang around sort of the same people, and got along great. I tried to tell myself I didn’t like him and my feelings would go away, but i just couldn’t. I mostly had an overwhelming feeling of guilt, I would never ever hurt my cousin. He is very special to me and I would put him first. So, at first i kept my little crush to myself. (Also a side note, EVERYONE had a crush on C, and i felt bad, I would never want to put C in an uncomfortable position.) But soon my feelings were becoming too much and I had to tell someone. I first told my best friend, then I told M. M said it was obvious, and that he could tell i really liked him.
But then another problem occurred, my toxic friend A (F 15) also found C attractive. Now she is very pretty and she can have any guy she wants. No one has ever found me attractive in a relationship type way, and I think i’m average at best. My teeth are crooked, my nose is big, i have fat cheeks, and I am quite flat as I am still recovering from an eating disorder I had years ago. Now A knew I liked C, even though I hadn’t told her. She went out of her way to turn people against me, and make my life miserable. Her and my other friends went behind my back and talked about how “Ew C would never like her.” Once i saw this I was crushed, i love my friends and I never thought they would go behind my back and talk about me. Also they spread rumors about me as well. Luckily I had people on my side, and lots of comfort as i often bawled my eyes out. A and my cousin J went as far as joking about stabbing me. They also told C things about me that weren’t true. I was hurt, and A and J were trying to turn people against me. A would also talk about C in inappropriate ways such as referring to him as “daddy” and talking about wanting to sit on his lap. Which made multiple people uncomfortable as she had no self control when making these “jokes.”
I soon couldn’t take it anymore and started putting myself around positive people. I forgave J and we moved on. Now C, J, two others, and me began to hang out more often. C has now slept over at my house 5 times, and we have hung out a lot more than that. We have gotten really close. This year is the first year I haven’t cried on my birthday because I was so happy. He is the most genuine, sweetest, caring guy i know. I love him more than i love myself. I can’t help but smile when i look at his fluffy blond hair, his smoky blue eyes, the way when he smiles his nose crinkles and his dimples show. The way his freckles perfectly cover his face, the way his scar on the left side of his face moves when he talks, and the way he is one of the first people to like me for who i am. He makes me laugh even when i don’t want to, when he accidentally made me cry, he wouldn’t stop apologizing to me even though
he had a very important track meet. He puts me first and I feel special when i’m around him.
Unfortunately he knows i like him, his friends and him make fun of me for it. Not directly but it’s obvious they do. I know he doesn’t feel the same way and people have told me this. They tell me he finds other girls attractive but not me. I often feel as if I annoy him and it really hurts me deep down inside, but as long as he is happy I am too. I always text him and check up on him, I ask when he is available to hang out, just knowing he is doing good gives me motivation. I smile whenever his notification pops up, or when he smiles at me in school. I have truly never felt this way before, and i just want him to know how much i really love him. he has made me so happy and i can’t picture my life without him. I know their is other fish in the sea, but i don’t want another fish I only want C. | 1 |
I’m totally alond | today i woke up to my brother telling me about my mom’s live facebook feed where she was ranting.
She went on live to show the road but she was also talking to someone on the background.
I’m not sure how the conversation started but it ended with here telling the world how selfish I am and how I’m evil and when I die the person in charge of lowering my body to the grave would just throw it because I’m that evil.
I was never selfish, I gave them everything I had and then some.
I just broke up with my bf yesterday because he doesn’t want to talk about or acknowledge or apologize for his shortcomings which led to me being so stressed and depressed.
I feel like I’m actually the evil and they are right because there’s a lot of them saying it and I’m all alone. I have no one. No one’s telling it’s ok, that I’m ok. | 2 |
Intrusive thoughts and such | I dont know why they got bad all if the sudden, im taking my meds, seeing all my therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, and even a counselor. But it all just hit
me. No one can ever love me. why would anyone love me? im a fat autistic suicidal teenager with 2 friends and no dad. And that leads me “I have to make someone love me” so i try to figure out how to make myself pretty lose weight “So reasonably start fasti-Starve myself and cut my fat of with kitchen scissors? you’re so true” and its all getting too much for me. All the shit I’ve dealt with and 2 intrusive thoughts are whats the worst. | 1 |
I’m sharing my poem because r/OC poems won’t let me unless I help someone workshop their poems and this is the 1st poem I’ve ever written so y’know, anyway | Dear Delilah,
When I was 12 you were 10
Now I’m 20 and you’re still 10
There was a riddle I saw one day, a man was four, his sister was half his age, now he’s 20, how old is his sister?
A man had said “10” and I laughed because obviously she was 18
But yet as I sit here today, I realize that man was right
Remember when you said to win a game of chess I had to sacrifice my pieces?
But I never did because I was too stubborn to take loss of any kind and so you always won?
You had told me that sacrificing a Queen was sometimes necessary in order to protect the king
Did you know that if someone in your immediate family has hypertrophic cardiomyopathy you have a 50% chance of having it?
Did you know only 20% of people with HCM are diagnosed with it before they die?
I guess I’m apart of that 20% now
…And you to the other 80
I wish I had taught you chess and not the other way around
I wish I told you a Queens Gambit was a move every winner made
I wish you were the one whose stubbornness lost you the game
I wish more than anything that you were here today | 1 |
How do you guys deal with a break up? | I’m only 18 years old and I’ve been dating this girl for 2 years now and we’ve made so many good memories. She decided that she wanted to end things with me and it hurt a little bit. Throughout the day I would force myself not to cry but I had to. I was wondering how do you guys end up getting over a breakup? | 1 |
When i don't know what is a friend | In my childhood i was bullied 3 times on 3 consecutives years for these things
-My shoes
-A sickness who have effect on all my body (Precocious puberty)
-My hair
All of these bullying started from people that i considered as my friends, now I just cannot have a friendship or something who look like it without thinking "is he gona betrail me?"
The worse thing is that, one of my " friends " was bulling me and out of school when we where practicing sports, he was like "no, it's just that i don't want to be apart so i do like them but i don't think it", i had sucidial thoughts witch I told no one, i started to be close to cry for no reason and, even worse i continued to be friend with the liar (the one who "didn't want to be left apart") who made me meet a new person and, i did a great mistake : accept this guy.
The guy was following me, spaming me, i have screens of him who called me litteraly more than 20 times just to play at video games, when we changed school, things get worse, he was always asing me where i was, he was playing non stop and, when i was telling him that we need to get to work he was like "stop stressing, we still have 1 hour", he was allways critisizing me and saying that he was better than me and all those things but, when I was critisizing him even ONE F**** TIME he was like "why are you attacking me" and all and all, his parents told him to stop playing video games and installed apps to make him unable to install a game without their consent and he found a way to still play and he finaly get out of my life, i discoverd the concept of toxic relationship before and told him "you are a toxic friend" and all, but he was litteraly making fun of me, in 2 years, he will be able to play and, to be honest, i don't know if i have to just telling him the truth about what i think of him or just let him go and convince a friend that we have in commun to stop talking to him.
I realised all of these things quitte recently, when i get to a class who trully apriciate me but, i still don't trust anyone, exept fiew peoples who didn't stabed me in the back, and i want to know : what should I do to have more trust in the others? Did I realy have true toxics friends? And do I realy need friends? | 0 |
Looking for new friends | We are a mental health-focused server. We hold support group meetings, mental health journaling, Game Nights, and more. We like to get to know our members, as we are a small supportive community! If you're interested in joining please feel free! The community is 21+, and LGBTQ+ Friendly and we really hope to see you there! [https://discord.gg/rEc97WzTAQ](https://discord.gg/rEc97WzTAQ)
| 2 |
Is self harm narcissistic? |
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/1471ujr) | 2 |
Hy guys if you need to vent? Send my a text and we will talk about it! | . | 1 |
I can't do this anymore. | I don't know what is not right with me but in the last few years nothing has made me happy and nothing made me sad. Its just this endless pit of nothingness. And I think that I'm gonna do it, I can't life like this anymore. When I was a kid I was mentally and (physically) abused, my dad used to hit me sometimes and really f*ck with my mental state. I've tried to off myself like one time but the train driver saw me to early and didn't hit me. But as I said my childhood wasn't the best so maybe that is we're this is coming from.. but anyways thanks for listening and maybe you have some kind of idea what I can do against this or maybe.. I don't know. Maybe it just doesn't matter, I mean who would care anyway? But yeah welcome to my life.
(And sorry for the grammar, English isn't my first language.) | 1 |
I hope this spreads the word of is who are suffering.... | I have had a struggle beyond my own comprehension. I keep trying to get out of the nightmares that are the unfortunate combination of my severe Anxiety, social anxiety, Depression, ADHD, OCD, Panic Disorder, Health anxiety, the countless tics I have, lack of sleep, poor memory, crippling self doubt, frequent crying and panic attacks, the inability to trust myself in any way including gut feelings and intuitions, Resulting in terrible traits as being consistently unproductive, not being a person of my word, over-promising yet under-delivering, substance abuse to try to stop the pain, being a distant, almost non-existent, and terrible Husband, father, brother, son, grandson, friend, worker, or any other part of society the former version of myself was far better at.
I have tried in all, hundreds of different supplements, 15 different prescriptions for depression such as SSRIs, SNRIs including Paxil, Effexor, Celexa, Prozac, Trazadone and Cymbalta. Many different benzodiazepines for anxiety such add Klonopin, Valium, Xanax, Vistaril, Gabapentin,and Buspar. ADHD meds such as Focalin, Adderall, Dexedrine. Mood stabilizers such as Abilify, Lamictal,
I have tried as many coping behaviors as I could find, healthy habits such as exercise, stretching, thought inspection, grounding exercises, probably around 10 different diets including keto, whole food diet, juicing, eliminating any artificial, elimination diets, avoiding foods as well as ingredients that have been stated to cause such issues as well as eating what is supposed to be best for healthy brain function, many different exercise routines, staying hydrated, getting plenty of vitamin D, 2,500 mg Omega 3s a day from Omegabrite which is to be best for mood as well as Ashwagandha, probably 20 other different products claiming the same, including almost 10 brain supplements, and many more I can't even remember, which all said were to be best for mood, 3 different probiotics for mood, fermented foods like sauerkraut, Kiefer, Kimchi,Apple Cider Vinegar with "the mother"
All of this during and after so many doctor visits including psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, counselors, neurologists, addiction specialists, and other medical specialists as to see if my blood work shows anything abnormal, online therapy programs, a texting mental health coach, online and public support groups like AA, depression, ADHD, anhedonia and anxiety support groups, music therapy, hypnosis, consistent meditation, consistent breath work (including Wim Hoff breathing, holotropic breathing, euphoric breathing among others), daily cold showers, making sleep a priority, , helping others when I can function enough to be able to, years of (such as thousands of collective hours of searching the Internet for answers), reading articles and books on self help, listening to a myriad of motivational speeches, guided meditations, 3 times a day of gratitude, guided hypnosis, a purchased program(Mindzoom) to subliminally get the right things in my mind, constant mindfulness exercises, Vagal nerve exercises, visualisation exercises, TMS therapy, Grounding therapy, Red Light a therapy, psychedelic therapy, some yoga, Consistent positive Affirmations, EDMR therapy, audiobooks, and watching self help videos, courses, podcasts, joining email lists, and many, many prayers asking for any answer to my situation.
I have spent such a large amount of money trying to get myself fixed, I am now thousands of dollars in debt and I really don't have anymore money to spend without seriously affecting my family anymore than it already has, and my insurance won't cover things they might help. I don't know why I feel the way I do.
After all that I have described, there will always be many thinking I'm just an addict who is a homeless, unreliable, or negative person who isn't fun like I used to be. On Top of the constant emotional pain I myself am in, along with all of the things I have tried and done that led me not feeling any better, I feel validated in saying I am starting to believe my time here in this world as a productive part of society is over. I tried everything doctors told me, them out of desperation I went forget on trying other things which didn't help either. Thus feeling is overwhelming and too strong. I was told I want supposed to have been born due to many complications which I did apparently survive, but it's clear it wasn't for a reason many would think. I feel it a fluke.
Also, , It's interesting how when we see a beloved pet or any animal suffer more than they should, that we all unanimously believe the best and most humane thing to do, is to put a stop to such suffering as it's not fair to them.
However, if that slowly suffering life happens to be a HUMAN BEING, even after doing EVERYTHING within the power of that person to try to fix the problem, to stop or at least minimize the painful suffering, if their pain and suffering continues, you are suggested, instructed, DEMAND, and FORCED to continue living, regardless of how horrible your feel, leaving you with the rest of your life to be filled with even more pain, suffering, regret, and many other horrible emotions that you are just going to have to continue to go through, regardless of severity, and the worst part of it is the fact that you have no choice but to live every second of those terrifyingly painful, inhumane, and 100% unfair feelings that, unless you really did some serious evil in the world, you will, regardless, suffer as if you DID.
People say "oh it's all in your head! All you have to do is think a different way! You're a stupid fool for thinking the way you do!" Which only makes me stay way more silent about it. Why would I even try when I get those responses? Will, I stopped trying. It's very encouraging for me to want to cease to exist. And how could you blame me? Almost all that argue to me have NEVER felt what I feel, and even if they do, it's for a very short time period. Not decades.
NOW THE WORST PART...
You add that on top of how EXTREMELY expensive it is to even have a mental health condition to begin with, even if your lucky to have the finances to take care of it you are shooting in the dark to find the right solution. Nothing I am saying is new. This has been around for longer than we have all been alive. And still to this day, it's swept under the rug as an inconvenience to society. Which we all apologize to the whole world for because we feel we have to even though deep inside, we are in so much about and we don't even know why.
So, for those who have always wondered, I have a possible answer to something you may have asked before...
The reason some suicidal people act mean to people near the end of their life's journey is simply a strategy to try to reduce, if not eliminate, the pain and suffering that comes with losing a loved one. We are too miserable, in too much pain, too sad, lost, hopeless, and exhausted to go any further. And the only possible answer to make it better for YOU is to do such a "ridiculous" tactic, so it doesn't hurt you nearly as much as we fear it would. It's because we care in a way no human words, illustrations, animations, or any other way of communication could explain. And even though we know we will be misunderstood, angered toward ,hated at, talked down upon to others, and eventually forgotten as scum to many, we feel it undeniably so much better than you ever feeling what WE had to endure on an almost hourly basis. I apologize so much in ways I will never get to tell people. I am so sorry I was in your life during this. It was NEVER intended than way.
I just hope that this message gets somewhere which spreads so that it can be used to change misunderstood opinions on those who suffer from this and make a difference to a world where 25% of people have a mental illness, over 450 MILLION people suffer everyday, 50% of today's teens alone are at risk due to the overlooking of this problem, 360,000 people in jail have mental illness who are being punished, and where 90 people an HOUR (2,200 people a day, and over 800,000 people a year) DUE by suicide which could have been prevented if even ONE person really cared! NO ONE WHO IS MENTALLY HEALTHY WOULD EVER COMMIT SUICIDE. Yet sadly no one ever considers such a truth. I pray and hope this at least somewhat wakes some people to this devastating condition NO ONE ever wanted to begin with! And I hope more than anything in the universe, even a few people take the time to understand this as not a inconvenience, as most of us suffering feel us to be such an inconvenient part of society. But to understand this as a real situation that at the very least needs awareness and hopefully assistance. If this message spreads awareness to help save other lives, this will be worth every letter! May you all be happy and well ,and I wish only the best for you all with every bit of my heart! | 1 |
should I give up? | She kept on insisting that I should give up on her, but I can't. She said that she was never in love with me in the first place but why does she get hurt when I talk to women that likes me. Should I keep holding on to this feelings that I have for her? I've fallen deep enough to not give up and wanting to continue. She said that "there will never be any chances". I don't know what I should do. I'm kinda numb now from all the pain that I felt but I don't want to hurt her feelings cause I still do care about her. We're still texting each other everyday as friends. Should I cut off our contacts? if so then how should I start doing it? | 8 |
Possibly controversial question but if someone goes out showing self harm scars, do you think they should expect to receive bitchy looks and nasty comments from other people? | Up to now, thankfully I've never had anyone directly make any nasty comments about my scars but sometimes(and ik I have anxiety so it could just be that I'm imagining it, but I genuinely don't think thats the case) I genuinely feel like when I've been out in public, a few times it has genuinely felt like someone has given me a weird/judgemental look for having scars
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/146xy6y) | 1 |
Desolate | Most of my life I’ve struggled with my own self concept. Self esteem and self confidence are rare in my experiences. I was raised thinking I was a sinner, a disappointment, a waste of potential. Just they things I heard as a kid. As a result, I don’t think I offer anything positive to the world. I definitely believe that due to my character and behaviors, I’m best off living alone. All I do is anger, disappoint and let people down.
I really hate me. I really want to pull the world up over my head and fade out.
I really wish I could | 1 |
so tired | I just feel so sad all the time and it feels like my life is meaningless. I have dental issues that arises from neglect and lack of funds and I want to lose weight just to be healthier but it feels like I can’t. I have severe anxiety from being forced to provide financially for my family and it’s affected my ability to finish college at same time as my peers. I have alot of credit card and student loans debt I can’t seem to catch up on and I know this is gonna sound ridiculous compared to all my other problems but my sports favorite team is doing terribly right now and that’s causing me a lot of stress and pain right now. everything just hurts | 3 |
I am 25 years old college grad virgin is it normal? |
Well.. here is my history, I am sad, lonely, pathetic, loser; I was all my life with depression since I was teenager, I was badly bullied as a teen in secondary high school from all men school and never had any friends or girlfriend there, my self esteem was really bad there, but not even worse in college when I finally tried to talk with women’s and everyone ignored me, I wanted to have a girlfriend but every girl that I talked to I failed, I was severely depression in the mid term of the college, my grades was so bad (not as good as the beginning of the college), I wanted to start working but it was very difficult for me here in my country I live in a undeveloped country
I developed a seriously bad addiction to porn in college and had insomnia every day of college due depression and all this mental health problems, I am adhd since child and my grades were from a GPA of 5 and I graduated with the bare minimum of grades because my deficit of learning, I was falling asleep in all college classes due insomnia and I didn’t go to any party in college, I was so bad learning how to talk to people and when I tried I failed constantly, in several times I tried to commit suicide in the mid of college, 1 with a none certain surviving I gutted with a nife and bleeding was not stoping, but I tried to stop in the park the bleeding and I was near to fall unconscious, so when I recovered I went to my house and anything else happen when I get asleep only and the next day a get bigger Headaches, so 2 years now since I graduated the college and I only went to a big party in college and was a birthday of a friend, my group of friend really didn’t like but I wanted to make more friends and lost my virginity, I had many problems to get a job too, since I graduated from college, fired me of every job that I applied and I am still virgin I had at least 7 dates on tinder but none of those worked, women only 2 of them wanted to have sex but I didn’t have any protection to do so, before college I was 2 years only going to therapy and not seeing much results, I changed form 7 psychologists, and I am still trying with a new one I didn’t have any friend and mental of abundance in this sense all my college life and I graduated virgin, loser and no friends there now I feel like my youth was wasted in all ways | 2 |
Need Some New Friends! | Bro I need Friends. The only friend I considered a brother is not anymore, the gist of the story was that we had a falling out over money and then we were fine but a bit weird, then I messaged him at midday on his birthday on snap but he didn’t see it, then he called me every name under the sun and disrespected me so I said “when you grow up then come talk to me” to which he replied “you think your better than me because of your new job do you, all the shit I’ve done for you and you’ve just used me, fuck you mate. Then he says “if I see you around in Adelaide we are going to have some problems buddy” so then I blocked him. This all happened after I moved to another state with my new gf and now I’m moving back there. I just need some friends that want to play games and hang out instead of getting high and drunk every weekend bro. | 1 |
Thoughts | Almost everyone forgot my birthday. I got no cards, no presents, only 2 people remembered to say happy birthday. Just feeling really forgotten and unimportant today. | 4 |
Tired of life | There are a lot of days where I sit and let everything sink in and I find that I have no reason to live, nothing to live for. If I died, I wouldn’t care. I don’t want to hurt myself but at the same time I don’t want to live either. I have a lot of school debt and it’s cripplin g. I work my ass of, doing a job that will never be appreciated the way it should be. A job that I have to put my own money into to make results happen. A job that is supposed to be spiritually rewarding. But I can’t even enjoy my job because I don’t make enough to even get through the month. I go every day and put on a show, but at night I cry. But what else can I do? It costs money to get certified or to go back to school. I’d like to have children someday but I can’t afford to have one. I’d like to move out from my parents someday the cost of living is so ridiculous that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to afford it in my situation. I’d like to eat healthy but groceries cost more that McDonald’s and I have a five dollar food budget a day. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel and I’m very tired of this. I know millennials always joke about wanting the end of the world to come but for me that would be sweet relief. Sorry for being so down. It’s just kind of relieving to vent anonymous. | 4 |
What's the point of living past 18? | I wish I died when I was younger than I am now. Like what's actually the point of living life after 18 when adolescence is the peak of life? You get to play with cool toys and video games. But when you turn 18 you're magically supposed to throw away all the stuff then, what? Get a job? No thanks. I just really miss my childhood. | 25 |
My fault again | It feels like no matter what I do, Im always the bad guy. To drain cant even say what I feel without others thinking its an attack to them. LIFE | 2 |
No one will miss me. | I'm nothing. I'm worthless. I'm not even 15 and my life's already ruined. I can't do anything right. I'm not enough for anyone. I wouldn't be writing this, I wouldn't be depressed, I'd have a good life and I'd be a good person, if it wasn't for one thing. My family. They broke me. I've been abused my whole life. They never cared. I was being bullied. I still am. Nobody gave a shit. I tried to jump in front of a train. Nobody gave a shit. I don't belong anywhere. I never know what to say. I have no words for anything. And if I do, everything I say just sounds stupid and akward. No matter what anyone wants from me, I can never do it right. I fail at everything. I forget everything and everyone. I'm nothing but a selfish brat. I want to help everyone that needs it, but I don't know how. I hate myself. I've done the dumbest things through my life. I'm either kind, caring and loving, or hateful and genuinely homicidal. I can't deal with myself anymore. I hate my voice. I hate my face, my hair, everything. I hate my personality and the way I act. I hate myself and all the other people on this dying planet, but still love them.
But I just can't take it any longer. I moved away from home, to a group home, I'll never see my sister again and I'll never be able to fix my mistakes. I started drinking, smoking and taking drugs. I might just be the most pathetic thing in this world.
I wish I had the strength to end this, so I wouldn't suffer, so I wouldn't make others suffer, so I can finally shut up the voices In my head and so I wouldn't feel the need to write these posts, and to read the empty comments that are only posted so people can feel better about themselves, thinking they did something good, something to help me.
Yet, here I am. Pathetic, isn't it? | 11 |
Replacement | So yeah i was a replacement all these time for a girl...i got betrayed by two of my close people ...This guy used me as a replacemet for a girl whith whom he had 7 years of relationship. He did not forget her all these time. He just found her in me. All these memories I had with him was all fake and i cant get over with it. I wanna forget .. i got hurt by guys . I never had an actual relationship. I wanna be happy alone ... what should I do
..i have seen videos amd tried to live alone but the betray i just can not get over with it...I feel pain.. i wanna take revenge and then again it doeant matter ...what should i doooo | 2 |
Tears. | Idk what to call it but it's like I've lost my ability to cry, it sounds nds weird but I'm sad all the time ,I used to cry but now it never comes to that anymore | 1 |
Recently dumped (broken up with) | My girlfriend of three years just dumped me a week ago and I have really been struggling with it. I talk to my friends but none are in/have been in the same situation. If anyone is healing from the same situation or has even been the one to dump their partner private message me. I want to create a group chat where people can talk about how they’re feeling on this topic and maybe share cool tips on what works for them | 1 |
Cold and void | So, I’ve come to the realization that I’ll forever be alone. Not because I’m a bad person or people are bad. Simply put I let myself get here. Cold and devoid of any emotion. I don’t smile much and if I do it only lasts a second if that. Love is something I find extremely hard to accept. It’s even hard for me to tell my own family I love them. Again, not because they did anything wrong but simply because I feel nothing. Though I’ve actually had women approach me I tell them I’m simply not it. I can’t love them or care how they would want or need so it’s easier for them to not look my way any further. Some understand this and some don’t assuming I’m some F boy. Oh well I guess doesn’t really matter. Don’t get the wrong idea I’m not suicidal or anything I simply just don’t care. It’s nobodies fault but my own. After a bad relationship about 4 years ago I slowly got colder and colder. I saw it coming but stopped caring. Whatever flame of emotion I had is gone… I’m okay with that. It’s okay. | 1 |
Would you say it's dangerous to try and deliberately retrigger or revisit visual memories of a traumatic/distressing event? | Im wondering about trying to force myself to think back to visualizing images I have memorized from when I was struggling a lot with self harm when I was 12 back in late 2011 and I actually ended up having to go to hospital for one pretty intense operation for self harm and then later on another follow up, more minor surgery. I don't have clear memories of everything that happened around that time but I still remember quite clearly certain parts of what happened like lying on the hospital bed and having an anaesthetic mask placed over my face before I had the operation and also during that time I had quite a few trips to hospital for other mental health/self harm reasons and tbh I'm kind of thinking about starting to write a journal of everything that happened September-December 2011 kind of time but I'm worried that it will be too intense
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/146erri) | 1 |
Let's hold hands and go out | Hold my hand and take me anywhere.
im 22M today my ex dm me
did fight again
She is confident about cheat on me
so horrible😔
Hold my hand and go anywhere, I'll go anywhere, I'm still alone
I've been in a bad mood since this morning | 1 |
Daydreaming is my best and possibly only friend but I have to say goodbye | My life has been eventful with a lot of ups and a lot more downs. Daydreaming has always been my friend that sheltered me from the crumbling world around me. Some would call it, a coping mechanism.
But it allowed me to run (dissociate) from problems than face them head on. The saddest thing about this is that something that have been pushing me this far is also keeping me down. | 2 |
I feel my friends don’t like me | This might all be in my head, but every time I talk to my friends I always feel like they’ve tried to end the conversation or just stop talking and not answer when I say something. | 4 |
Life just feels like as If it is getting shittier the more I live | Each passing year, the more I age, day by day!! I just keep feeling nostalgic towards the past and don't know how the future will turn out to be!! Anyone feels the same? | 3 |
I'm ready to move on | I (25fm) pregnant with triplets 1 girl 2 boys my husband (29m) is no help at all so I'm giving him divorce papers I recently found out that he was cheating on me I've been crying about it for weeks my due date is coming up I know I should be resting but I have to get him gone I'm packing his things now I just want to scream right now it's hurts me so bad that I thought we were going to spend our life together I want nothing in return he'll still get to see his kids we have two dogs a great Dane and a Rottweiler I'm keeping my Rottweiler he can have all the money I want nothing from him I've been planning for weeks and I'm ready my brother and sister is coming over just in case anything happens
I'll give a update on this post to let you guys know what happened
Update
I gave him the divorce papers and he snapped I didn't know what to do he put his hands on me he made me go into labor he made my babies come early I want to press charges I don't want him to harm me again or my babies I'm scared of this man now I had my babies in so much pain I couldn't get anything to help with the pain I'm so hurt right now I can't go home my babies can't go home I never thought hell hit me a day in my life when I get out I'm staying with my parents I don't know what this man can do he showed me another side of him. | 1 |
After I got over my crush kinda out of the blue she dated someone unexpectedly | Awww
Yesturday something extremely random happened--
I had a crush then I got over the crush yesturday or the day before. I knew it wasnt going anywhere bc she didn't "ever have a crush in her life".
Then yesturday she and another friend didnt show up at lunch. They randomly held hands and left.
Then when we found them in class she said. "Sorry I lied to you about not having a crush." She said that to my other friend.
So the feeling was kinda fresh and new... You know?
So I went to guidance and started to cry.
Then a girl on the chairs tapped my shoulder and said "hey do you need a hug?" I nodded(needing it alot because no teachers were in sight)
Then she said "times can be really hard, especially in this school."
So then after I thanked her and then checked for the guidance counselor, she wasnt there.
The other one had to help me.
And I swear she did not..
I usually have a habit of knowing I need to tell people things, so instead of being uncomfterble I just told her what is making me cry, the past incident that are also mixed in this feelings, and um the girl who hugged me made me feel so much better then this person.
She basically just said "Ugh!(not angey way) And the feeling was so fresh and raw!!"
And then when I ranted a bit more she just said
"So what are your plans for the weekend?"
I KNOW she was trying to get me away from the feelings but it really didn't work.
She ALSO misunderstood what I was saying and gave me the worst advice.
"Tell her 'hey even though you are dating this person can we still stay friends?' GURLY SHE DIDNT KNOW I HAD A CRUSH ON HER AT ALL. I TOLD HER THAT AND SHE CONTINUED TO GIVE ME THAT WORTHLESS PIECE OF ADVICE.
The girl who hugged me did so much better in helping then her.
The best thing the counselor did is tell me to go infront of the fan so I can hide that I cried, but my eyes were still red apperently and the teacher noticed.
I feel better then before but like all my friends were confused.
Since she jokingly had 5 wives and she was one of them and they barely talked, one year apart, different homeroom, so it was really weird and random.
Coincidence is my friend had(still has maybe) a crush on my former crush's new girlfriend.
Maybe I should tell them.
I appreciate if you read up to this point.
Please gimme support, the vent channel on discord was inactive today | 1 |
I feel worthless | I met him on vacation, and we hung out for two days. I'm a very socially anxious person, but with him, I felt like I've known him for years. One night, he told other teenagers that he liked me. They all told me, and they were hyping me up saying stuff like "oh look your boyfriend's here". I was so excited. I never had a guy like me before. Ever. All my life, I was treated as a freak, so I was just glad for this opportunity for something special. So I went up to him and asked him if he liked me. He told me he had a girlfriend, and got really mad at our friends for telling me.
He cut off all contact with me after. I blocked him on Instagram after he rejected my Instagram request. I was so sad that the guy I liked decided it would be best if he never saw me again. The one person who saw me for all the good I have to offer, and he still gave it up. They broke up two months later, and he still looks at my social media. We're not in contact, but according to my friend, a playlist on his Spotify was made as a birthday present to me. But I don't forgive him. I've never had the privilege of falling in love before, and he just took it away from me. I'm not mad at him for having a girlfriend. I'm just mad at him for saying he was into me when he knew full well that he couldn't be with me, even if he wanted to. | 4 |
I ruined a couples life by accident. | I ruined a couples life.
I 26 Female had a best friend named jessie (not her real name) when I was growing up. Jessie and I would do everything together we would ride our bikes, go to parks, have sleepovers, ect. (Jessie was an only child, keep that in mind) One day jessie and I were having a sleepover at her house, mind you jessie grew up in the rich side of town where as i grew up in the poor side of town. So keeping the fact that she a big house we decided to have the sleepovers at her house. But one sleepover I will never forget. We decided to play hide and seek, and I was the one hiding. I was hiding in her main kitchen ( her house had three Storys basement included) the main kitchen was on the first story. I was hiding by the stove when Jessie found me. When she found me I jumped up and hit a button on the stove, i didn’t think much about it since I’ve hit buttons on their stove multiple other times and nothing had happened. Jessie’s parents were on the second story when we decide that we were bored and wanted to do something else, so we went upstairs and started to watch a show that her parents were watching. Fast forwards about 30 minutes Jessie and I went back downstairs and went back into the kitchen to get something to eat. While we were in the kitchen her parents sat in the dining room which was the next room over. We were in the kitchen for 5 minutes before the unthinkable happened. The oven exploded. Apparently there was a gas leak in the house and the button I hit was to turn the oven on. When I woke up I was in the hospital, that was when I found out that the explosion killed Jessie. I felt so guilty. I couldn’t stop crying and telling her parents how sorry i was. Little 7 year old me was dressed in black and going to my best friends funeral. Years later i found out that the reason she was an only child was because her mother was infertile and her father was one of those men that don’t want to rise a another man’s child. I found out that the Mother and Father ended up splitting because the Father wanted another child but the Mother couldnt give him that. I feel so bad for that women. She lost the two most important people in her life in just 2 years. I hope that woman is doing better today and has someone that she loves again.
(Ps I’m not sure we’re to post this so I’m posting it here) | 3 |
Do you think some people deserve to commit suicide/kill themselves | This has been going on for about six months now. I suppress all my emotions and all my anxieties because I don't want to feel like I'm giving in by having to go and ask for help, and I have all these horrible thoughts about myself(mostly about how ugly/disgusting/worthless I am compared to other people and how I'm "failing" other people because they are all stronger than me) then I just completely explode and say loads of nasty, hurtful stuff both about myself and also towards my parents. The only reason why I haven't done anything to myself is because last time I took an od, an ambulance had to be called to the house and it was probably really traumatic for both me and my family and I dont think it's fair if I were to do something to myself again and a similar thing happened. But I just feel like I don't deserve to take care of myself and it's getting to the point where I feel like I dont even deserve to eat food because of how I've behaved towards me and my parents..I don't understand how I'm meant to guide myself out of this because I've decided that I'm not allowed to ask for help or therapy because that would equal an admission of personal failure/weakness as a human being. I know people say that going to that asking for help if you have depression, anxiety etc. Should just feel the same as going to the doctor if you had a physical health condition but if I'm being brutally honest, I don't think it will ever feel as easy to ask for help for your mental health as opposed to your physical health
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/145z4xo) | 1 |
Any other sad soul out there wanna chat for a bit? | Without going much into details here, I’ve just been kinda down lately. Would be nice to talk to one or two people if you’re in the similar boat. But that doesn’t mean we have to talk about our problems . It could be something entirely different. I guess I am longing for connection with another human. If you can relate don’t hesitate to shoot a dm . I am 31m and this post might not stay for very long . | 7 |
im so alone. | i used to be an extrovert and then a toxic relationship led me to lose every single person close to me. Now, since the relationship is over, i hate myself, my life, and i have no one. I have no one to talk to, no one to hang out with, and there’s no use in living if you’re just going to live alone. I can’t take it | 6 |
Sad for no reason | All I want to do is stare at the night sky forever and not have to worry or stress everyday. But I know I can’t. | 3 |
Mum forces me to eat food and calls me fat | My mum always negatively comments on my appearance. I'm not pretty like my sister. She always calls me fat and tells me to loose weight.
I am home for summer vacation, so i decided i will cut back on snacks. (I like noodles a lot) my mum offered to make some today, as she always makes it in a way i don't like , i politely declined her saying i didn't want to eat anything for the evening. She ignored my request and made me a lot and forced me to finish it.
She's the one who's always telling me to loose weight, yet If I do she forces me to eat. | 12 |
Death is cool | I mean I have wasted my last 3 years of life doing literally nothing but being a parasite for others and manipulating them just for a good image... so I need to kill my self just cuz im lazy | 3 |
I can't do this anymore | I lost myself. I feel like someone could have easily helped me but I assume this would not be the case. I used to be an amazing person that I really loved to be. I was kind, creative, empathetic, I felt so much, and I had so many ideas and passions, I was gentle, calm, anxious, afraid, and the world was big and incredible. Now it's so flat. I feel like I should have died already. I don't think I can get back my old self. Did this all happen because I was afraid over a medicine I took a few times and I did this to myself? I had years to tell myself it's okay and to continue as I was. But I can never be what I was. I feel so wrong. My head is so wrong, it's so flat and dead. I don't even know anything anymore, I can't feel afraid anymore. It's what I wrote about, characters overcoming their fears and they had come from my heart and experiences but now I can't think, I can't feel, I can't feel anxious, I can't imagine anything, I forget everything. I used to love others and I thought one day I'd be a partner to someone, loving, or a proud supportive friend. I feel like nothing. Like I am dead but not dead, just eating and surviving zombie that can hardly think. Why? I remember even after the first medicine I was able to feel sad and cry. I can't cry anymore, it's so hard to cry now. It's so hard to think now. I wish I could be as I used to be, thinking and looking after myself and others. Creating things. Being human, being who I was. | 3 |
Idk what to do anymore | Apologies for this rant but at this point I need to.
Recently I just have been losing the will to do anything, I try to do something I would usually find fun but I just get a single negative thought and it all breaks apart. I've been having this for a few years and alot of it comes from the stuff I went through when I was younger but now it's just getting out of control. I'm always thinking people are after me, this got worse when I was approached and had trouble in the streets and my home, I still have troubles with past trauma and I'm terrified of the thought I have to live with the fucked up future we have created. I have mental health appointments for disabilities but I don't trust anyone, even my mother twisted it so I'm just exaggerating or upsetting and offending her. I just don't know what to do anymore. | 3 |
Serious answers only pls.. | I have read alot about people committing suicide by taping a plastic bag around their head, my question is, would swallowing a plastic bag (about the size of your palm or a little bigger) and sealing the mouth, would that be an effective form as well..?
Serious answers only pls.. | 3 |
Would you say someone should feel guilty if they have trauma or a distressing incident which was technically "self inflicted" (for me having to go to hospital for surgery for self harm when I was 12) as in SH or suicide attempt related etc. |
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/145hv8p) | 0 |
Girl said she’d rather slit her wrists than date me. | What the fuck? I know i’m ugly but holy shit. Not only that she didn’t even know I was listening so you know damn well she’s not lying. I don’t even like her but what does that say about me? I’m unattractive? I’m too fat? I’m too weird? | 19 |
How can you be sure? | How can you be sure? Sure that she loved you? Sure that you didn't just make it up in your head? Can you say the same for others? Do your friends really love you? How do you know? Is it because you feel it? Or is that also something you made up? I don't know what's real. Haven't for a long time. I was so sure she loved me. But I was wrong. I was so sure she'd stay a part of my life, that she needed me as much as I needed her. I was wrong. I can't trust myself anymore. Can't trust what I feel. I don't know what's real anymore. | 1 |
Why should I always be the elder one? | I am an elder daughter in an Indian household and my brother is 6 years younger to me. My parents are least concerned about my well being. I was expected to act like an adult, set an example, be a role model and be there for my brother. As a result of this, I never had a healthy childhood. If anyone asks me, what is the craziest thing I have ever done, I don’t even have an answer for it. Never made many friends because I always went by the book and was never ‘fun’. I even gave up on a guy I like because I knew my family would never welcome a relationship. I went to a great college, did masters on full funding, found a job and yet can’t seem to bring my parents to appreciate anything I do. Till now, I haven’t been to a concert because concerts are considered ’useless’ and I am supposed to be the responsible one. Whereas my brother gets to do anything he likes. He did not make into a good college but I don’t see my parents asking him why he didn’t follow the example I set. Why was I asked to set an example but he was never expected to follow? Was my life a fake project to them set on the basis of ‘if’.
Let alone my brother, even my cousins come first to my parents. They put everyone’s needs before mine. They cater to everyone’s needs but mine. So, if they need anything, shouldn’t they expect others to cater to them. But no, I am the one who is supposed to entertain. I am too tired and want to focus on myself but everyone tries to guilt trip me and remind me that my parents ‘provided’ for me.
I want to move on but unable to. | 3 |
Am I selfish | So I have the same birthday date as 2 of my friends. But they only remember my birthday when it's my other friends birthday and they remember hey it my birthday aswell. They sometimes only wish them happy birthday and sometimes wish it last minute to me. I remembered once like "Hey sorry even if yall have the same birthday we might concentrate it on the other person more." I was fine with it but it was sad and I feel wrong for being jealous. The person is definitely alot more important but am I not important aswell. I feel spoiled if I just want a simple happy birthday message or a tiny present. | 1 |
How to be sad after school ends | Get in your bed, grab your phone and turn on youtube, listen to "I dont wanna play around" and remember all of your favorite memories of the year. It made me cry a little | 1 |
Trying to find connection | Well, as it says on the title, the reason why im writing this is to find some connection far away from the people that i know in "real life".
I ask for comprehension on my english mistakes because thats not my mother's language.
Im a F (26) and the last 4 years and specially the last 3 months have been the worst of my life. But this story doesnt begin 4 years ago.
I always felt everything so deeply. The kind ok deep that is not normal for a kid or a teenager. I realized it 2 years ago when i started medication for my depression and for a brief moment i felt for the first time that my life didnt need a reason to exist. And for those who knows the effects, you know that this happiness goes away after a couple of days. You are still stable, but still "conscious" as it was before.
I saw a tiktok those days thats said "I was 21 when I was 15 and thats why everything is so boring now" and I felt understood for the first time, like I have always been an adult inside, it doesnt matter the age I was.
Clarifying about that, lets go for my problems. I had an abusive dad and a condescending mother. I forgive her by now because she was a victim too, but it still hurts me the fact that she did not protected me.
I was never beaten or my mother. And because of that was so hard to understand that my father was abusive. You have no idea how crazy it is to me to admit it "out loud", specially for strangers.
I wish i could make a resumed text but I dont know if I can.
But lets go for the main issue at the moment. My abusive father, that never let my mother go to work over jealously, always financially supported our family. I lived a good life, financially we were a low middle class but my parents always invested on my education. Thats one of the reasons why it was so hard to identify the abuse.
I will stop writing for now because im already crying in a public place. Maybe Ill be back for more.
Thanks for listening, Reddit. | 1 |
I lost her | I lost her and now I just wanna give up I dedicated my life to this woman and she turns around and says she no longer loves me I just don’t get it how and why. Did the last 3.5 years not mean anything like I tried my hardest. Idk I kinda just wanna give up | 9 |
Am I too sensitive or is it justified | I (21) female am dating (30) male. I’m not too sensitive and I don’t really let’s things get the best of me but I can’t stop thinking about this
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for close to a year now and my birthday was coming up we were going to go to Las Vegas because I turned 21 but our trip got postponed (not what made me sad) he said something came up and we will be going in a few weeks. I asked him a few days later if he was free that weekend and he said he wasn’t doing anything. I asked about the week after and he also said nothing. (The week after would be a Vegas trip) and so I was kind of wondering what was so important we had to postpone my birthday but I wasn’t worried and figured it must be either important family business or he’s surprising me.
Two days later we were having a serious talk about the publicity of our relationship. He doesn’t want to tell our friends we’re dating and I do. I’m tired of not being able to hold him or kiss him or even say I love you when we’re all hanging out. I asked him “why don’t you want people to know we’re dating” and he jokingly said
“well if you mess around with anyone they’re going to brag to me about it because you’re a prize”
So I relied “what’s going to happen when I move in next month. When your friends come they’re going to notice all of my things are there” and he said
“I don’t know we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. It’s better this way anyway.”
The only thing that hurt and stuck was those last five words. I can’t stop thinking about them. How is it better this way. I don’t wanna be a secret forever. I wanna show the world our love and say “yes that’s MY man” I want to love him all the time no matter who’s watching. But those words are eating at me. It’s the only thing I can think about, what did he mean by that. Are we ever going to cross that bridge. Am I going to be a secret forever.
I’m not sure if I should talk to him about it. I don’t want to sound crazy or give him any wrong idea. Should I talk to him? Am I being to sensitive? | 2 |
My (25F) bf (27M) snaps at me sometimes | So my bf went to get me an iced mocha from mcd's and then he came back and I heard him freak out outside like
he just messed something up. I figured I should maybe just stay out of it and give him some space since he normally seems to tell me to go away and wants space when something like that happens. So he came inside and I asked what happened. And then he kinda slams my drink down by me and says "you can get it next time" and "I'm done being your errand boy". Then he throws a chair and stuff. Turns out he accidentally crashed his car into the apt building a bit and it messed up a corner of his car a bit. He is normally alright and does nice things such as cooking for me and he built me a computer recently. but he often talks poorly of himself and stuff...and will say disrespectful things to me now and then (not too terrible but still). He really apologized and everything but it just seems like something that would keep happening, especially if we had more stressful things happen to us such as having kids. Idk I was having hopes that we would maybe marry and reproduce together but now I am just questioning if I really should. I really am terrified of being out all on my own...not that that is the one and only reason I'm with him but still. | 2 |
I wish I could go back in time | I had to breakup with my girlfriend of 4.5 years. I’m so incredibly heartbroken my heart & stomach hurts all the time, like there is an empty pit of numbness. I miss her every single day, I don’t think there will ever be another person that I love as much as her, ever. Genuinely. And vice versa. But I needed to end things because I strongly felt like we were holding each other back.. I couldn’t shake that feeling no matter how hard I tried, no matter what we did, that feeling persisted. I drove us everywhere for the whole relationship and she still doesn’t drive. I was getting really tired and she showed no signs of even wanting to drive to take the burden off of my shoulders. I want to be with someone who has immense drive & determination to reach their goals and I didn’t feel that with her. It felt so stagnant after 3 years, no matter what we did. I did this because I want her to blossom, so bad. But I don’t think we can blossom being with each other anymore.. we were attached at the hip. Too attached and codependent, without even realizing how it might be hurting us and our progress. This separation feels like a part of my body is gone.. I don’t recognize myself or my life anymore.
I wish I could cuddle with her one last time and smell her hair. I wish I could hold her body tight and protect her from everything. I wish I could make her laugh again. walking away was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in this life. There will never be another like her, but I care too much about mutual progress for both of us. I will always love her. This type of love transcends time & space.
I really, really wish it could’ve been her. | 3 |
Let's write together. | "We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." - Albert Schweitzer
It's wonderful to hear that you're feeling great and making progress on your mind. like to offer a writing prompt that can help you savor the things that are currently on your mind. Take a moment to reflect on what you're making progress on. It could be a goal you're working towards, a project you're completing, or simply a new habit you're forming. Whatever it may be, think about the little pleasures associated with this thought. What small victories have you achieved? What good habits have you developed? Write down a list of things you're grateful for in this moment.
Remember, progress is not always about achieving a big goal. It's often the small steps we take that lead us towards our ultimate destination. So, take a moment to recognize and give thanks for the little things that are bringing you closer to where you want to be.
In closing, l'd like to offer another quote that can help uplift your mood and inspire you to continue making progress: "Believe you can and you're halfway there."- Theodore Roosevelt. Keep up the good work! | 0 |
I hate being retarded | .... | 4 |
Hoping my mom is okay | I’m stressing because I don’t want anything bad to happen to my mom. She recently had an asthma attack & got really lucky the first responders made it to her in time to give her enough oxygen to go to the hospital. She has a better inhaler now. Then she went to a lung doctor and they say something is blocking her airways and can’t see what it is through her X-ray scans so they are running more tests after she is off the medicine she was prescribed to see if they can see anything on the X-ray results then. I’m just really worried because my mom is my best friend. She has been coughing all the time day and night. She’s a diabetic so anytime she’s sick she gets twice as worse compared to an average person her age. She is the best person in my entire life and I don’t know what I would do if I found out she were really sick. This probably doesn’t make much sense it’s late at night and I just need to write this because I don’t want to complain to anyone and need to say how I’m feeling so I can continue to leave my stress at the door before working each day. | 2 |
i got ghosed today by the girl i loved so much | she blocked me on whatsapp, unadded me on snap, unadded me on roblox and unsdded my friends on all that, honestly i thought we would have a future, i loved her sm.... 😕 | 4 |
Treated like a thief in a big store, and never got an apology | Imagine never thinking about robbing anything. Respecting every law, and being a decent citizen. And then, one day you are shopping and they blame you for stealing, and once they see you did nothing, they don't even give you an apology.
This happened to me two days ago and I am still depressed. It's really awful because I was humilliated in front of everyone in the store, and people there probably thought I was a thief. I felt really ashamed and wanted to disappear then and right there. The worst part is that they never gave me an apology and I feel that justice doesn't even exist in cases like this. | 5 |
I'm just done | I'm ready to give up on everything. I don't want to be here anymore. I try so hard at everything I do and fail miserably every time. This whole, looking/working for better days is such bullshit. I hate everything about my life. The only thing keeping from ending it all is that fact that I don't know how long my kids would be locked in my apartment with my dead body... | 4 |
Why am I still here? | It’s only when you realise that music is your only source of comfort do you realise how lonely you are… | 8 |
Tired and worthless. | I (30M) have been single and a virgin forever, and I personally find it emotionally demoralizing. I'm at work on an on-call 24-hour basis, and it's very mentally exhausting. I suffer from depression, loneliness, high social anxiety, pessimism, and stress. My confidence and self-esteem are very low. Because of my absolute failure to search for a relationship, I question my worth almost every day. I often consider giving up on life as a last resort. I need help. Any support/advice would be greatly appreciated. | 4 |
I am ill, tired, exhausted, without family, noone loves me, everything in my life went wrong. Every time I try something bad happens. Is the only chance to have peace when I wont be alive? |
I was born to alcoholic abusive mother who hated me and father who didnt want me. My whole childhood was a mess. Bullied at school for my looks. Kids didnt want to talk to me because of family too. Mother often went to city and shit herself while drunk walking around. Her mates sexually assaulted me. I lived with grandparents who were abused from family for saving me and I was abused from them verbally. When they died family took house and made me homeless. I tried so much to study and work but I got panic disorder and depression. Lost my job by the sea abroad, lost my dog because grandmother killed him. She killed my rabbit too. Tried many antidepressants, but they ruin my stomach and give me horrible side effects so I survive on benzos. I also ended in bad relationships, was beaten, used, lied to.
Finally when I met someone who was nice their family ruined us. We went abroad and his father commited suicide. Its very long story involving alcohol and toxic relations. Another family members were jealous of our wedding, our plans with home and work abroad. We had to go back to this shit from after 2 weeks. My grandmother died from overdose of pills she told me to buy. Mother died by train. Friend hanged himseld. Step grandfather shot himself. And my husbands father followed them all. Then I got covid 3x and ended with gallbladder removal which led me to bile reflux and now I burn inside and in throat every day. 7 months every day and no meds help. They say it could be forever.
I also suffer from joints and bones pain, from 1st covid in 2020 and to this day I am not diagnosed. My other dog was killed by some stupid fkr. I live in poverty shit country where people kill animals for fun. I lost another job. Had 3 jobs where I was sexually abused too. Its just too much. This life is just too much. I always tried so hard but this fkn life keeps throwing bad things at me everytime I feel little bit happy and strong and now health is gone I just dont want to live like this anymore. I am 37 and this is just way too much. Everyone who says be positive or oh you are so negative stupid people who have no idea what happened to me in all these 37 years and how does it feel to live shit life like I have. I am sure I wasnt meant to be born. I think its not normal to have to deal with so much shit. Im angry, tired, exhausted,. I just wish I was dead but I dont want to commit suicide. Why some people are so lucky to have happy life and some have to suffer to the point the cant see any light anymore. Even my husband doesnt love me anymore, we are just friends now. Everything is gone, ruined. | 4 |
Fucked up family 😕 | For some context my mom and stepfather are split but not devoted appartly they both agree not to. My dad and step mom are also having truboes but mainly with money and their relationship and rn me trying to take up a job and also figuring out what my summer jobs are gonna be(I also work at Kroger and they want me to still be working their I have alot of outstanding thanks from their)
So I haven't posted in a while mainly my last post which was my first was very depressing which I still have depression and still feel sad about stuff and more sad about this stuff to but before it was talking about a guy my mom was dating she moved on from him after he went back to jail for some warrents but we picked him up from jail and she was supposed to start letting him live with her but told him he couldn't and he said that was fine he when to live with his friends I have no clue what his life is rn honestly don't care at all.
My mom has been not good lately mainly because she is in a predicament of soen sort tbh I done car anymore I just wns to leave when I turn 18 from all the bull shit in my family and just not talk to anyone she was dating a guy that tried to kill her then stoped and now she was dating my cousins ex husband but now not and turns out he was sleeping with my mom and her at the same time so tbh that's a problem and turns out my brother might have told my cousin that my mom and my cousins ex husband was sleeping int he other room for my brother but in all reality turns out that he walked into the hosue and they were screwing or something at the time I didn't realize what he was texting about but now I'm kinda worried my brothers scared and trying to reach a him to alj to him about it he is only 14 so I'm worried but still rn I'm kinda pissed at my mom my cousin and he ex husband and just all of the above people in this paragraph so yeah.
My stepfather I haven't seen in a while mainly just school my bio dads house since I'm gonna live their soon start figuring what I'ma need to do when i live their and stuff like that but I've been going to my step father's house here and their gonna be going their this weekend to after school ends I got a chem exam today when school starts and I can't sleep reason I'm making this post but basically I'm trying to maintain a relationship with him too along with all my parents and siblings too.
My bio dad is kinda not in a good mental place from what my step mom says talking about depression anxiety and possibly mpdwhich I'm not fond of because nobody in my family knows this but my cousin has it too and I'm the only only family member that knows this so it's kinda stressful tbh but my dad and I are gonna be building a old Kawasaki Vulcan 800 up for me when I get my driver's licence and then my motorcycle endorsement im M16 so I still have to have my driver's license to get a motor endorcmen so it's annoying but still me and him have plans to build that upa and also try to get a care for me.
My stepmom is well not what you think a regular step mom is tbh she gets annoying sometimes talking about my dad but I let her talk about it mainly because she needs to relaxe as all my parents do so I just let her talk and talk on the way home from my mom's house to hr and my dad's house when she picks me up after work on the weekends.
My cousin is a sweet cousin but we have grow distant like all my cousins have done with me she has mpd and it annoys me because one of her personalitys are dating a m22 which scares me I don't wns my cousin and her personalitys sending explicit photos to him or anything so I'm worried but I'm still trying to help her.
My brothers are nice I'm not gonna go into each one of them just my parents but I got one brother full brother halfe that's my step dad's and then three other half's that are my step mom's I love them all but it's annoying sometimes.
And in the end I don't even feel bad about all of this it's just something I'm writing about my feelings are none existent anymore so yeah. | 1 |
What do I do now | It was the start of a new grade and I got sat beside this girl (I’ve known her for at least 3 years at this point but we went really friends). After a while we started talking and I became a new part in her friend group. Being a guy in a girls friend group, I felt very lucky, because there was a very attractive girl(I’ll call her Bob). And I really liked Bob, but at the time, being a little geek I had no experience with women. But one day happens that drives me crazy. That girl that I got sat beside I’ll call her Jimmy. Me, Jimmy, and Bob always liked to call each other and talk about our feelings cause we had been so close. But one night Bob was busy and it was only me and Jimmy. She said that we should fall asleep on a call together. Of course I agree because why not. It was about 10:30 and we start getting into a deep conversation that ends up with her telling me that she liked me. Then I told her that I really like Bob and after that I could tell she was in defeat. But after talking for a while my brain just decided that I had to like her now. So we started dating. But the thing is, we didn’t want anybody to know because being young(very young, not even a teen) people would just kinda ruin it. So we kept a secret for almost a year. Bob and Jimmy just hanging out or something. And Bob decide to look through Jimmy’s phone. Then she finds out. I talked to Bob to promise to not tell anyone else. She agrees. Then tells everyone. Everybody was mocking me, the boys were disappointed in me, and we were very slowly falling apart, until we were nearly 1 year in and she says “were done”. After that I felt defeated. So I swerved away from all the drama and I thought I was fine. Little did I know that the drama was gonna come back to haunt me. It’s been almost 2 years since all that and something crazy happened there’s some 4th graders on my bus that I’ll call him. Him was something else. In grade 4 he was already trying to get with the women. And one of the women that wanted him was Jimmy. I found this out because about every month me and Jimmy do a little check up about every month. She told me that she liked Him and my head exploded. I really want to talk Him the she likes him but I feel me and Jimmy’s friends ship will just complete end. This has had me going crazy and I found the only thing that helps me is porn. I just can’t find help from anybody and none of the boys will care and they will just say I’m dumb for liking Jimmy. And when all this is going downs new problem just has to come around to fuck me and make me go insane. The girl I’ll call problem shows up one day at our school with goal to do anything and everything to screw me over. So first she gets in a relationship with one of the boys, but she’s a huge slut and immediately goes after his stepbrother cause he’s got a big dick. And for a while she goes crazy for this guy and just full on sends him nudes. But remember that she’s a slut and just dumps this guy for some other white boy. Then my bros step bro who I’ll call W just doesn’t give a shit and just send me her nudes. So as a normal human being I show literally everyone. Now she is super depressed and she making it my problem. It’s really fucking annoying. And with all this up my ass I just know the universe is gonna try to shove another one up there. I really just don’t know what to do anymore because outside I’m the class clown who always makes it funny, but inside I’m doing mentally insane. And I can’t ask anyone for help because as a man in 2023 you can’t show your feelings. So I think all hope is lost.
If you read all of this I want to thank you very much because I just know almost if not everybody will say something like “oh he’s he’s just a little kid, he’s fine”. So really, thank you. | 1 |
Would you say someone deserves to/can justify starving themselves if they've said a lot of horrible/abusive/hurtful things to someone or exploded at someone? | I've just accepted now that if I go and actually see a therapist/let myself ask for help, then that can't be anything other than a sign of me failing as a human being. I just need to toughen the fuck up and stop being an emotional, sensitive bitch because I'm sure the people at the groups I go to also have their own mental health shit to deal with but they don't let themselves cry about it or get emotional about it. I'm trying to keep myself safe but it's getting to a point where I genuinely feel like if I were to take an overdose, self harm, deliberately starve or restrict myself food wise, then I'm not allowed to class it as self harm, rather just a suitable punishment for how I've behaved towards my parents. I know that I'm probably hard on myself by not allowing myself to ask for help/by suppressing my emotions, but its not an excuse to be say horrible/abusive things both about myself and to my parents as well. It feels like I can try and kid myself to an extent that I deserve to feel happy, but underneath it all, I know that logically I deserve to feel mentally shit/miserable because of not only the anxiety/verbal outbursts but also for example because of when I hit my eye when I was younger and I ended up having to have surgery in hospital(my parents having to watch me be anaesthetised before my operation)
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/144iau4) | 4 |
When I was five my mom died right in front of me. | My mother 26(F) let’s call her Anne, died in front of me. when I was 5 Anne was a young single mom, with two jobs. I went to daycare 7 days a week. and only saw my mother at night, for bedtime cuddles. we would cuddle together in bed every night, and watch a movie. one night I woke up on the couch, even though I did not fall asleep there. I go to my mothers room, and cuddle up next to her. she didn’t respond or speak. but she moved her head. and she looked scared. I didn’t know what was wrong, so I asked her if she was okay. but she couldn’t respond. I looked over on the other side of the bed, and saw a lighter, spoon, powder, and needles. I didn’t know what that meant. but I knew something was wrong. I kept hugging her until she took her last breath. I didn’t know what happened, so I cried and cuddled her. I fell asleep then when I woke up, I realized she was still “asleep”. I went outside to my neighbors house. It was around 8:00am. and told them my mommy was asleep, and won’t wake up . they came back to the house. and went to wake her up, but realized what happened. My neighbor quickly got me out of the house. and said everything was going to be okay. then next thing in knew an ambulance, and cops came. They wheeled my mom out of the bedroom. I cried because I didn’t know why she was getting taken away. but my neighbor held me as I screamed for my mom. my neighbor gave me food, and let me take a nap at her house. I became a orphan at 5 years old. I was in and out of foster homes, but never got adopted. I’m currently 19 years old. living with my snake, and girlfriend.
I miss my mom so much. but part of me is glad she isn’t here suffering anymore. | 40 |
Guess who’s back | To anyone reading my venting paragraphs thank you for your time, I have again fall into the dark abyss, I have always felt this way, I feel so lost, so alone, I can’t and don’t have anyone to talk to about this, all I would like right now is someone’s company, the warmth of a hug, I don’t have that luxury | 3 |
Short on rent | I'm so close! Just doing odd jobs and dd. I'm almost there. I'm so sad and feel like a failure. Life is so hard. I feel like giving up. | 4 |
SUICIDE | I have cancer at 19 and all I wanted in life was a wife and kids but I can’t live like this plus I have estimated 5 years to live and can’t get a relationship so I want to find the easiest quickest way. Without knowing I’m dying | 5 |
I kind of expected this | I was taking to what I consider my closest friend, and I wanted to open up to her so I told a story about me, in which I mentioned how I dated a girl. I’m a girl, so that would make it a gay relationship. Now directly after the conversation, she asked me what my sexuality is, so I told her I was Bisexual.
She’s Muslim, and I’m not. Now, by then I knew what was coming after I said my sexuality. She told me it wasn’t allowed in her religion to be friends with lgbtq people and she kind of just ended our friendship there.
Honestly, it hurt. It hurt a lot, but I couldn’t say anything about it. While I know it’s her religion, which is important to her, I couldn’t help but feel sad knowing that she chose her religion over me, when I would choose her over my religion anytime. I know it’s really selfish of me, and I understand her. I just didn’t know that this would just happen one day and all that progress we had would disappear.
When it seems too good I always manage to fuck it up. Everyone I’ve gotten close to has made me feel hurt in one way or another. I know it’s not her fault, but at this point I’m considering just not letting people get close to me. All the times I’ve let someone get close to me it didn’t end up well, and I’m guessing the next time will be the same.
How can I feel better and forget this when I literally see her every school day…? I guess I just wasn’t meant to have good things :/ | 3 |
Welp. I lost one of my friends today, and I suspect I'll lose more [NOT DEATH RELATED] | So, I've got, or at least had a few school friends, but a few months ago, something in me changed. I don't know what, but I started to become an absolute knobhead, a twat, a dick, you name it, I've been called it now. She was one of my closest friends a while ago, but then I just changed. I want to change back to how I was, but I just don't know if that's possible. I've realised my mistake, I went to go and apologise to her but I realised that she either wouldn't listen or would just shut me down. I really want to become friends again, but I just don't know if that's possible. For clarification, none of my guy friends have left yet, I know one or two don't really like me but they don't hate me enough to leave, it's mainly my female friends that are apparently scared of me, scared of what I will do. None of what I do is intentional, I have no intention of doing anything to them, and if ever I mention something I try and make sure they know it was a joke, but I just don't know if I can change. I'm trying not to let this shit get to me, but it's difficult knowing how close we were just last year. | 2 |
The Mask | My smile hides my tears. My laugh hides my anguish.
Things aren't what you think and it's been this way for years.
I seem happy but in reality, many things are held back and go untold.
Nobody really knows me, they only know my shell.
I wish I could let it free and share with them what's under.
You're doing well is all they say, so I decided to stay indefinitely behind the mask. | 3 |
Lost my chance at my Dream Job, I’m tired of people saying I “was too good for it” | I (24F) have wanted to join the Army for as long as I can remember. Serving in the Military was something of a tradition in my family. Even though my parents, especially my dad, didn’t want me to do it, I was eager to continue it. Initially, in my teen years, it looked like it wouldn’t be possible for me to serve. But, after going to a local Base when it was open to the public on a Holiday in 2019, I’d learnt things had changed, and I could enlist.
I was excited to do it, but put it off for a while to focus on University and my family after Grandpa died. When the Pandemic rolled around, I submitted the necessary materials for enlistment, and in August of 2020, took the Aptitude Test. Did well on that, and pretty much had my pick of careers in the Forces.
Things with the FORCE Test, however, were a little more complicated. First, I needed a Doctor’s note due to the medical history regarding what disqualified me before. Then things locked down again. Second time, October 2021… I puked from embarrassment on not making the time on the first round of shuttle runs. Lock down again. Third time. Needed an eye exam from an Optometrist for when I came back, but otherwise, seemed all right. I almost made the force test, only falling one metre short of completing the sandbag drag.
Needless to say, even though I failed that time, I was beyond estatic at how close I was.
University resumed, focused on class for a while. Semester ended, and spring time I continued the Process for Round III.
Until May 2022 came around, and one week out from the next FORCE date, I got the call from the Recruiter’s office. I’d been deemed medically unfit, and my application was denied. It was only a few weeks later that I got the paper stating the reasoning.
Allegedly, I had PTSD, Depression, and Anxiety.
I was just broken. Things just kind of went blank. Don’t really remember much. I left a voice call I was in with my boyfriend, and just started wailing, screaming, crying… Threw a few textbooks, and drank maybe half a bottle of vodka. Parents came home and found me curled up in a ball in my room.
None of it made any sense. I’ve seen a therapist and a social worker, and neither of them have seen any of what was listed with me, at least before the rejection. I had no PTSD. No panic attacks since I was fifteen. No depression. I should’ve been fine. I was told that there’d be no issue with me being Trans or Autistic. If it was my physical health, or the issue that disqualified me before, I could understand. Wasn’t Chris Kyle material by any means.
My father theorizes that, because the paper didn’t have a signature, I may have been singled out for being Transgender, but other than that, no one really knows where the claims are coming from.
The worst of the pain isn’t from beating myself up. It’s from everyone I talk to. Whenever I bring this up with them, all I get is some version of “Oh, but you’re so smart! Why would you want to waste your talents in the Army? You should do ___.” Or “I’m sure you’ll find something better than the Army!” Or “The Army’s a terrible job anyways.”
My mom.
My dad.
My sister.
Uncles.
Aunts.
Friends.
Almost everyone I know, when I bring it up. All I hear back is some version of that. It’s not even like they’re trying to help. It just feels like mockery. Not once have I had someone just try to understand what I feel. What this *meant* to me.
This was my world. I wanted some form of structure in my life for once. I wanted my work to have an actual *meaning* and an impact onn people’s lives. I wanted to protect those who couldn’t protect themselves. I wanted to continue a family legacy that had gone on for over a century, even through immigration. I wanted to be the first in generations to go through Officer training. I wanted to make sure that my kids, whenever they enter this world, would be able to have a safer life. I wanted to prove that I’m just as capable as anyone else. *I just wanted to serve*.
And now I can’t do any of that. I’m stuck back at this stupid cashier work. Every time I try to open up to those closest to me, it’s like I get ridiculed. Like I was stupid for even bothering to try. I’ve given up on talking to just about anyone other than my boyfriend about this.
It’s like I don’t have a reason to keep going anymore. | 4 |
It takes just one person | I'm thinking back on when I came in the office yesterday and this man I used to have feelings for opens the door and doesn't even look at me, stands to one side as far as he could possibly stand. I just felt sad immediately. It hurts knowing I liked someone and they couldn't care less. I feel unimportant, like I don't matter today. Maybe this man was the trigger. And now I remember all the old shit where I was rejected, and I felt unwanted.
All I want to feel is wanted.
It starts to fuck with how I view myself, feeling undesirable. Feeling the dread of 'am I gonna be alone forever'? Thinking about how other men see me. Am I even pretty? People tell me that a lot. But if I was, if I was even remotely sexy, why wouldn't he notice me? I sent him a pic of me topless...I gave him compliments all the time but not once has he ever given me one. Why couldn't I be hot enough to seduce him? And all the other guys I liked? Coz, yeah...it's not just him. I'm brilliant at liking people who don't like me and it makes me incredibly sad. What a nice way to wake up. | 3 |
Worthless | I’m so tired of being alone. I just want to be valued by someone. I try to put myself out there and it’s never enough. I want someone to talk to. I want to be cared about. I want to just be a little loved. I hate myself and living has become so exhausting. I need someone. I don’t want to be alone anymore. I can’t take it. Someone please help me. | 6 |
what’s wrong with me? | I don’t know why but I feel as if there is something wrong with me. I’m in college and in my final quarter I have decided to room with my friend and made some acquaintances and managed to form some small talk but that’s just it i’m bad at conversations and will never engage in one. I tell myself to try and sometimes I do but often times it feels as if I’m the only one putting effort. The other thing too is that whenever I wanna hangout I stop myself because I remember how my other friends have people they always hangout with, meaning they have plans set up which isn’t their fault but it just de incentivizes me to not try again because it’s not worth it. And even when it comes to my friends they always have their own little groups of people to hangout with and sometimes I do get invited to group settings but I hate it because of how large and how my social anxiety gets the best of me. I’m always creating these challenges in my head and just become a prisoner of my own mind. I hate that I can’t change my thinking, I always try to minimize my fears of social anxiety but I’m always brought back to the same position I was originally in. Sometimes I feel that if I didn’t exist people would be able to continue on living as if my presence had no impact. What’s worse is that I’ve had these thoughts bottled up for a really long time and I’ve continued to exacerbate this problem of mine. I keep thinking and hoping that maybe my life will improve but so far it feels like a distant goal. | 3 |
Friends | I’m so tired. It’s hard to keep going and living when nobody even likes you. Everything is fine but when I get home, all I see is them posting and hanging out together. I’ve never been invited once. I hate being the person in the group always left out. They’re all laughing, giggling, gossiping, having fun. While I’m trapped in a house with family members that don’t even love me. I’m wanted no where and it hurts me. Nobody knows I fell this way. My parents think I’m a annoying stupid kid that never tries. My friends think of me as the annoying kid. I guess I just have no feelings to anyone. Nobody truly cares about me and it hurts. If I died would anyone really notice? If I got hurt would anyone really help me? Nobody cares. Nobody. | 5 |
Physically okay but.... | Mentally depressed..... 🫠 | 3 |
i lost her, and i lost the world. | my girlfriend passed away about three weeks and three days ago. it was 21 may. i'm writing this to find a person who can relate and a person who can help.
i'm filled with grief, and sometimes i feel like the grief i'm feeling is all the unexpressed love. it's weird.
my body and soul are agitated and flustered and everything seems numb. when we used to hold or hug each other, i used to say "i feel like i'm holding the world" and she replies "i feel the world is holding me". but, but now i lost the world.
the simplest things remind me of her. and it's not that i forgot her in the first place to remember her, no, but it's more of the memories are stimulating my brain. it feels like she somehow had her fingerprints on merely every part of my brain, making every thought leaving my brain relate to her.
even the smallest things remind me of her, words, scents, and feelings. she gave me a hoodie and her scent is still stuck on it, i gave her mine too. even a stuffed toy.
what hurts me and keeps me confused is how a lot of people in my circle just moved on after a couple of days.
i'm texting her always. she lives in my heart and i know that. i'm not asking to talk to her, but rather at least sensing her existence, because that was a blessing.
i know she's in a better place now next to god, but it's hard for me to accept this fact. it's making me feel selfish, but god knows how this thing is eating me alive.
i'm hiding a lot and it's also draining me. | 4 |
Any solutions? | I am not suicidal and do not want to die but I just feel empty majority of the time. I thought I was just burnt out from school but it’s done now and I still feel the same way. It’s odd because I realize that on occasion I am full of energy and in a great mood. The rest of the week I’ll feel like shit and I noticed that the littlest things will bother me. It’s like having a pet peeve but at all times and I hate it. I have a good home life and friends to hang out with so I don’t know what’s wrong with me. | 2 |
Taking it for the Team | I accepted the fact that my life is the way it is but i think to myself that i have a bad life so that someone else can have a good one. | 7 |
fuck up | i have no reason to be sad my family is great, i have clothes, food, and somewhat afloat with our paycheck-paycheck lives but no matter what my mind never gives me a break and makes life more miserable for me i can be positive i have tried it but it never sticks and no matter what i self sabotage every single little thing in my life i always get told that since i have all those things i shouldn’t be sad then why is that the only thing i ever am? it’s a constant loop of this shit & i’m sick of it i honestly might try it again cause i’m sick of earth & myself | 4 |
im scared to chase new passions | I didnt achieve a dream i worked years for. i dont know what to do now moving forward. | 2 |
To switch classrooms or not? | In these last few months, I have witnessed some comments and attitudes in my class that are making me feel bad, and that are kittens for me, because I start to have a lot of negative thoughts, to have a crying crisis and, a few days ago, I hurt myself like way to relieve the sadness, anguish and anger I was feeling, but which was also the result of my change of medication, in which I stopped taking an antidepressant that I had been taking for a long time and my body was still adapting to the new one.
I always had a problem socializing, but in the 3rd to 6th school year they improved significantly. However, since 7th grade, when schools returned to the hybrid system, until now (I'm in 9th grade and I'm 14 years old), after a long period without leaving home because of the pandemic, I've lost the way of relating to people and I ended up getting used to being alone, but it hurt me in different ways.
In addition, this year my colleagues (not all of them) are behaving, which, as I said at the beginning, do not make me feel good. I'll talk about each one of them:
1. Sometimes, a group of colleagues (which is composed of 8 girls and 1 boy, and they are like "the popular ones") are talking to each other and laughing looking at me, implying that I am the reason for the laughter. This makes me really bad, and I'll talk later why.
2. Once, during the first class of the day, which was math, my classmates were commenting that they had failed in the test of the pre-IFES (IFES is a Brazilian federal school) course they take (I don't take it) in the math part, and the teacher asked: " Who were you after?" And they mentioned the name of a former classmate who studied with us last year and who changed to the afternoon class. He is very good at math and even won the Canguru de Matemática gold medal this year.
Then a classmate said something about the boy that I couldn't hear, but from the reaction of the others who were nearby (which was kind of a shock, as if they had heard something horrible), it was pretty bad, and the teacher asked her to repeat it three times what he had said, but she didn't repeat it. Then the teacher said that it's no use going to church and bullying, because it's a sin, and another colleague said: "Are you serious that bullying is a sin? But we're only 14 years old", kind of assuming that they were bullying . I have the impression that these attitudes are the result of an envy they feel for their former classmate's intelligence, because sometimes when I am praised by teachers, the same people look at me crookedly.
This situation really moved me because it is a person that my colleagues consider autistic, they "consider" because this has never been stated by anyone, and I have a suspicion of ASD, and I know that the comments they make about this boy and about some others are capacitist in content. I feel in this and other statements (which I'll talk about later, but this time I know what was said) that they consider autistic people, or neurodivergent people in general, inferior, they keep treating them as if they were a person with a "problem", creating a sort of separation , and that makes me feel really bad, in addition to feeling excluded.
It may not seem like that much in my words (I don't know if I'm expressing myself well), but it really makes me feel bad, making me not stop crying and a while ago, I was scratching myself and using objects to cut myself, relieving my psychological pain. I got better after I started taking other medications (I was already taking an antidepressant, but it stopped working), and the new antidepressant started to take effect, so I'm a little better, although sometimes I have some relapses. I'll talk about the other comments in the next topics, but I won't explain why I'm sad about each one of them, because much of it boils down to what I said in the previous paragraph.
3. I was passing by this group that I currently don't like (it was more or less at the beginning of the year, at that time I wasn't angry with them, but that's when I started noticing what they say about other people), I greeted them and I sat a little closer. I was studying for the test I was going to take, but I ended up hearing from a colleague (I'll call her X) and a colleague (I'll call him Y) the following:
"I think she's autistic," X said.
Y agreed.
"Do you think she's a lesbian?" asked X.
"But isn't she autistic?"
- You're dumb!? She may be autistic and a lesbian.
I'm straight, but I didn't feel bad about "lesbian", I just think it's silly for anyone to care about it (and I think it's wrong for anyone to be prejudiced about it, which seemed a bit on their part for trying to guess someone else's sexuality ), I only wrote this to put the complete sentences. The "autistic" part was what stuck with me.
4. Two colleagues were in front of me and one in the other row asked them what a term means in English, then one of them in my row replied: "Would you like someone to look at you like that?", and the one who asked, replied: "Like that boy last year?" In this part, I already thought about the boy from topic 2, because staring at someone is one of the characteristics of autism. Soon after, my classmates kind of tried to evade the subject (they knew I was listening) and the ones up front whispered something, which I guessed, based on the context, went something like this: "let's not talk too much not because Natália is autistic", because if it weren't for that, there would be no reason to speak softly so I wouldn't hear.
Something similar happened this Monday. I was looking back to see who had come and I think I accidentally ended up looking at a girl too much. Then I heard from the same place where I was looking, from the same people who I think speak ill of me, the phrase: "I think she is!", in the sense, I think, of being autistic.
5. Every time I look at X (that girl), she was already looking at me. It's like she watches me all the time looking for something to criticize, I feel judged all the time, I already felt that way before, due to social anxiety, but now I feel more about it. It's very strange and completely uncomfortable for her to look at me for so long!
6. X and Y are the most gossips in the room, I've heard and still hear from both of them comments on the way some other colleagues behave, trying to point out some "problem" in them, in their view, and label them as strange and abnormal . I even once heard Y going to X's desk to talk about a colleague: "He spent the whole class fiddling with the pen, shaking it!", something so unimportant, but which reinforces in them the exclusion of those people who "are not normal".
7. Last week, a former friend of mine wrote something in his notebook and walked across the room to show it to another colleague. I couldn't quite make it out, but I assume it was: "(my last name) is autistic", but in a pejorative sense, and I thought this because I saw a word that looked like my first last name. He was looking at me.
8. There is another colleague of mine who from time to time says things like "stop being autistic" and "you are autistic" as offenses, as something bad.
The problem is not whether or not I am autistic. It's their bias.
These comments started before I told about this suspicion, but when I did, I only spoke to two colleagues in my small group about it and they accepted it well, and I think they didn't tell the others, I'm not sure. I'm not going to talk about my characteristics that raise this suspicion (which my psychologist suspected when I was a child, but I still don't have an answer) because the text would be too long and I consider this information unnecessary for this post.
Each such event, by itself, is insignificant. However, they together and with a certain frequency are causing me harm, and that's why I'm thinking of changing classrooms, which was even suggested by the pedagogue as a way to alleviate this whole situation.
The pedagogue let me spend a few days in the other room to see if I like it and then make it official if I wanted to, but I'm afraid the other room might be worse or they might not like me. I'm afraid that my "friends" (I don't consider them friends, because I don't talk to them or feel comfortable with them, just colleagues, I just stay close and accompany them) and the people in both classrooms might think about me when I change, even that is not official. The worst thing is that I'm getting very angry with some specific colleagues and even wanting to hit and spank them, but I control myself because I know that my parents would pay.
In case you were wondering if I have friends in this classroom, I don't have friends, so I wouldn't miss someone.
Do you advise me to change classes? How do I avoid attracting attention, or at least handle it better if it happens? Do you think there are more advantages if I stay or move? If it were you, what would you choose?
Thank you very much in advance!
P.S.: I'm Brazilian, so I may have written something wrong or I couldn't understand something you answer, so anything just tell me. | 3 |
TW: if someone has been through a traumatic/distressing incident but they do or watch things which they know are triggering or could be triggering(intentionally viewing or doing things) would you say that they don't deserve help or to be validated if they're intentionally triggering themselves? | For example I have very intense health/death anxiety, which has come partly from me being just a naturally anxious person since a young age but also I think largely because of upsetting memories and emotions that I haven't processed properly from back in late 2011 when I hit my eye/self harmed to the extent of needing to go into hospital for quite intense surgery. It worries me that I feel like I'm never going to let myself go and speak to someone about what happened because of the nature of what happened(trauma) I also feel like a fraud because some days I do subconsciously think about what happened as in fleeting thoughts throughout the day but I'm able to get on with my day and it doesn't really cause me to feel emotional or upset but then other days I feel quite teary and I get a lot more sad feelings about what happened. But I feel like even if I keep trying to invalidate what happened, I know that to an extent what I did to myself must have been traumatic because if I think about the possibility of having to go back into that same environment of my local hospital where I had my eye operation when I was younger, it makes me feel a bit shaky/quivery etc. And also just sort of remembering when I was on the hospital bed before having the anaesthesia mask over my face, which I can still kind of remember quite vividly. I think mostly since I started feeling more sad about what I did to myself and also how it hurt my family, I have largely cut out watching most of the medical shows I used to watch(as in I used to watch these two medical/hospital related shows almost every night a week with multiple episodes each night, and now I mabye watch the show once every month and a half, if that) but if I'm honest I do sometimes go down a rabbit hole on Youtube or Google and end up watching some scary medical/hospital themed video. I feel kind of ashamed to admit that. Whilst I do kinda have long term physical effects of what I did to myself(blurred vision in my left eye which I could maybe have surgery to help with in the future) a lot of the difficult emotions come from the psychological and emotional side of what I did to myself.
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