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Can’t find love, want to kill myself | Yep | 19 |
You're not alone. If you need support and friends... | If you have discord and are feeling lonely and looking for a supportive community of friends look no further. Our community is A 21+ simple, social server based around well-being and creating a positive space for your mental well-being. Mental Health and Support Channels. Active Members and Staff. Gaming and Interest Channels. We're a small community that actually likes to get to know the people who join. If you're interested in joining please feel free! The community is 21+, and LGBTQ+ Friendly and we really hope to see you there! [https://discord.gg/rEc97WzTAQ](https://discord.gg/rEc97WzTAQ) | 3 |
Going Numb. Again! | Every thing is the same. With an added gift of heartbreak and the realization that I will never be able to partake in the world for whatever reasons. I'm going numb.
It's almost ecstatic to finally acknowledge that I'm a flawed being, disqualified as a human, a total failure, ignorant, possibly doomed for eternity and laughing Nietzsche's 'super human laughter'. | 1 |
I don’t know how to solve it | I feel like if I try, people tell me to try harder if I don’t try then it’s my fault. I can never succeed in anything and I feel like everything is my fault. I recently just got out of the psych ward for depression and anxiety. I tried to do it but it didn’t work. I’ve been trying to act happy but it doesn’t work it just makes me feel hopeless. I stopped going to school because it got tiring and exhausting. Teachers expect me to complete so much things and my parents expect me to do good in school and be like this mighty smart women but I can’t I can’t be what they want or need me to be. I’m not like that I can’t do that. And don’t get me started on relationships they never work. For example the one I’m in right now he called me poor, a bitch, and many more things and I can’t take it anymore. Life is too damn hard for me. | 3 |
Scared | I’m just so scared. My life has started to go to shit, my parents are worried we’re going to have to move out of my childhood home, our family home, just so we don’t go into more debt. I’m so scared that it’s going to fuck up my life and change it so drastically and make it more of a living hell than it already is. They keep saying that, as long as we’re together we’ll be fine, but I just don’t want to leave. I don’t want to have my parents worrying that if we have one slight fuck up that it’s going to tank our lives, because at this point that’s what it seems like. Another thing is that I can’t tell my friends this stuff since it’s a sensitive topic, and my parents don’t want them to look at us differently or treat us like a charity case. I’m also scared about dumping this on a therapist or counsellor because I feel like they’ll just tell me to look on the bright side, but im worried there isn’t one.. It’s just so fucking scary man. | 2 |
I miss everyone that I have lost | It is weird what triggers emotions, but I was watching a movie where there was an old wooden tool chest with drawers. It reminded me so much of my grandfather's tool chest, that he made by hand , that it hit me hard. I am getting close 50 years old and all of a sudden I was grief stricken for all of the people I have lost all at once. I miss my grandparents. I miss my friend's parents that have passed. I miss my uncle. I miss my stepfather. It just hit all at once. I'm not even mad about it, it was kind of cathartic. But, man all at once. | 3 |
Keep good things | I feel really sad. And tired. I have lost so much. I have lost so many people I love that I just don’t see the point in anything anymore. I have worked really hard. Done “the work”. But every time I open myself up and allow myself to be vulnerable, I just get hurt. It’s like…I get a taste of the life I want long enough to know what I’m missing and then I’m abandoned. What is the point of building a life for yourself when there’s no one to share it with? I don’t want to be alone.
I’m really sick of doing self work…self love…focusing on myself. I’m sick to death of it. I hate waking up the morning after a new loss. When the world had changed and now there’s a hole in you that will never be right again. I feel like I don’t get to keep good things. I don’t really know why I’m posting. Please don’t give platitudes and encouragement. How can I just feel numb? That’s what I want. I Would like to feel nothing. | 1 |
I lost a friend | the story begins a few weeks back, heavy rainfall was pouring, and the next day I found a baby bird it was a nestling (as per the research I had done when I found it) me and my family took it to our house and cared for it, those were happy times, it became a healthy nestling and was playing around jumping. but one day suddenly it felt sick and wasn't moving much we tried feeding it, but it lost its appetite, we don't have a vet near where we live nor do we have an animal rescue center so we didn't have any choice but to care for the sick bird ourselves, I tried searching countless pages on the internet on what happened, the bird's wings were sticky and it was sick, and at last today on June 7th, 2023 it died, i don't know how it happened why it happened and I don't know why I and feeling guilty for its death. He was a very playful friend and a good one. I am really sad right now and even on the verge of crying while writing this. RIP | 1 |
My dad died two years ago | My dad died two years ago, and I get that I probably shouldn’t still be reacting like this but I will see dads with there daughters everywhere, and it takes everything in me to stop me from completely breaking down. I feel so weird talking to people about it because it feels like I’m disrupting them, or ruining there happiness, I just really wanted to get these feelings out and this seemed like the next best thing | 4 |
I'm ugly and it makes me sad | I don't have bad self esteem or anything. I'm actually ugly. Acne has ruined my face. I usually don't care about the fact that I'm ugly but weeks or maybe months ago a really close person told me how ugly I am. I don't want to tell how the person said that because I feel uncomfortable about sharing those details but it was related to something that was really important to me. I tried to hold back tears but ended up escaping to the bathroom later and crying there for a long time. I haven't been able to stop thinking about how ugly and unlovable I am. I hate myself. I don't know why I'm telling this. I guess I just wanted to vent. | 4 |
To the man who blocked me | I can have friends but I only love one man. He once promised to not hurt my heart. | 7 |
Tired of being a lonely coward, don’t know how to change myself. | My life is okay, but the feeling of not being able to say to someone “I love you” kills me, I am 22 and feel miserable. I’ve tried to find a girlfriend, for around a year and most of it leads to friendzone or me speaking to girl and not having feelings at all. I had plenty of opportunities to speak to the women which I found attractive, but always chickened out. I am really tired being alone, sad and depressed. I don’t know what to do. | 3 |
Am I the only one sad and scared that apple ar headset or any ar solution might just change society? All I can think of is a lonely, lonely life. | After watching the Apple Vision Pro, I felt excited about the thought of having a huge screen without the physical limitation but. It suddenly creeped in my mind that if this lifts off, then human interaction may drop even lower than it already is. Everyone will be engrossed in their AR world, and the real world will become more lonely... It might even probably become like a cyberpunk like dystopia. If it's really that good, then people will naturally think why go to the theaters then? Since people are already lonely, it will be enticing to them. This thing will bring happiness of being anywhere and stuff, but we will become more sadder since the goal of happiness is what makes us strive.
The facial scan is scary enough, too. Everything may revolve around AR, which honestly doesn't sound that awesome to me... Especially social media. They will probably be able to control our life's like how they have done with our phones.
I don't know. i may be stupid, but it made me feel even more alone once I thought of it. | 1 |
My kind of disaster birthday | I(20F now) had planned a whole birthday party for myself this Sunday and I had invited friends and family to Chilis because I haven't been and all. It was suppose to be a total of 10 people. I even $50 of cupcakes. I had gotten there early with my girlfriend(19f) so that no one would have to sit and wait.
When 5 pm came around and no one showed I started calling and texting people to see if everything is ok cause they were late. The only ones that were late were my dad(49m) and his girlfriend(47f), but they are always late, but this time by 20-30 minutes. Everyone else didn't show for one reason or another. Some of them even said they had other plans, even though they all said they would come a months ago. So me and my girlfriend sat there for an hour and we're about to leave to go and get some comfort fast food before my dad finally showed up and then 10 minutes late his girlfriend did. I was already sitting there crying for a good 20 minutes. Our waiter was so nice too. I left him ten dollars and a cupcake(my dad gave him 20 and my girlfriend 18, so it was a pretty good tip from a party of 4 I think)
After that I went to stay with my girlfriend and her family, which is where I am currently at. And this morning my girlfriends dad made me an awesome breakfast. I'm talking pancakes waffles (they had chocolate chips in them) sausage eggs bacon and caramel coffee, my dream breakfast. It was such a good morning. Everyone else is at work right now while I sit in her room and cry over all this.
How can people I haven't even known for 2 months treat me better than me my own family? Like I'm glad that they do and that they like me. Because I really do love my girlfriend and I see an amazing future with her. Her parents and little sister even got me a gift card for GameStop. It's like their my family more than my own family is. I can't keep making excuses every time they don't show up for one of my birthdays cause this isn't the first time. Up until now I forgot why I never really had birthday partys with them in it. It's always been my dad my pawpaw(who just died recently) and his girlfriend and her family and now my girlfriend and her family.
Sorry, it's kinda long. I'm just posting this on here because I don't want to bother my girlfriend and obviously the ones that I thought I could trust don't really care about me all that much.
On a brighter note though, my girlfriend is taking me to see the new animate Spider-Man movie that came out this month so I'm excited for that. | 12 |
Mundo louco | Acho q preciso de um tutorial de como viver nesse mundo atual! | 1 |
I can’t accept it. | I’m lonely and I know I am, I have been for a while, but the straight truth is I just can’t accept it. As a 15 nearly 16 year old I’ve heard so much of this “your young just wait” but I’ve waited long enough. “It’ll come just wait” I have, I’ve waited and waited and waited.
Recently it did come, this girl was perfect in every way possible. We had the exact same thought process and she was eager to take me somewhere. Now I’ll admit i overthink worse than anyone in the world, and recently she’s stopped replying and left me on delivered. I didn’t care, I thought she was busy with GCSEs like me. That was until she kept being active. Delivered: 1 hour ago, active 4 minutes ago, Delivered: 3 hours, she posts a story and was active 2 minutes ago. I don’t know what I did wrong. We spoke every minute of every day, it was going perfect and now I’m a mess in my room.
I’ve only ever chased one girl and it wasn’t this one. She came to me, but for some reason once everything goes well in my life it just starts instantly going downhill a day later, I don’t think I’ve ever felt happy for a straight week, all I ever feel is loneliness.
All I wish is to feel loved sometimes, but I’m at a stage where a long hug would make me break down. I just can’t accept being lonely. | 6 |
Any advice | 2 years ago I can remember being nice to everyone, never starting arguments that weren't necessary, and infact tried to avoid violence in my words at all costs in fear of hurting others. Through the last 2 years, I've lost my sense of hunger, need of sleep, and for a while touch with reality in which I best can describe as emotions and actions were devolved into their primal instincts and made me aggressive if I ever felt someone was using them anyway to help only themselves (I've leveled this to be a last fall my brain had to keep me slightly sane). I've gotten angrier through my words and hurtful, I've made remarks that once they leave my mouth hurt even me. I want to make changes I read positive works and I try to work on breathing techniques and etc. The reason I bring this here is that these things have made me rather depressed for the fact it seems I can't fix them and imprinting these horrible memories of me on people. I try to change and sometimes it works until they something from a few months ago or if something got me upset and I feel overwhelmed. I was wondering if anyone has felt this way and if so do you know where I should start talking if I ever get a therapist. Has anyone felt this way and got answers to it? | 2 |
Happiness and depression hand in hand is really something. | Now she isn't dead but or relationship is so I hope the tag is acceptable.
She was always the one I shared my memes with. Funny and interesting videos. The first one I'd think of when I was going to send a funny or cute videos.
Now I laugh at a video or think she'd find this interesting. Go to hit the share button and remember. She doesn't care. It's over. Happiness and depression. Hand in hand. | 1 |
I “lost” my friend | When a good friend has a lover, they finally meet and confirm the relationship. I should be happy for him, but I'm still very depressed. I am no longer the best in his social relationship - in fact, I found that he had many good friends before that. He trusted all these friends and said everything to them, including to me. I am very valuable to him, which is in my conversation with him, but his value to me is that he is one of the few friends I often chat with. I'm really sad, although I should be happy. | 2 |
I never know how to describe this feeling...but I just want to disappear... | I want to run away. I'm married. Have a great man. I'm having my cake and eating it too. .
Hubs was supportive that I quit my old job for a new dream. We have no money worries. No debt outside a mortgage. We are by all means stable. The epitome of "the good life" ..
I have no kids of my own. I'm not sad about that.
But some days... I just want to disappear.... and have absolutely no reason to run from anything... 😕
Is it just me? Others feel this way? | 3 |
So sad | All I want is to be in love with a man who's in love with me. Is that so much to ask? | 3 |
Emptynes | I feel empty, i dont know how to describe it. I wake up, go to school, go home, eat, sleep, repeat. I dont want to live like this. | 1 |
Desabafos (JP - Paraíba) | Nunca tive amigos, ser sozinho é ótimo! Mas o peso da solidão é devastador, eu estava amando um garoto e por uma recaída da depressão que eu tive, ele me deixou junto com todos os outros, sempre fiquei isolada e excluída dos lugares sem sequer ter a oportunidade de falar com alguém, pode parecer frescura, mas para uma adolescente de 14 anos é um grande problema. A gente está numa fase onde é necessário o desenvolvimento socio-emocional e obviamente a construção dessas relações ajudam muito. Eu nunca saí com um amigo ou dormi na casa de um, nunca brinquei na infância, nos meus Contatos só tenho a minha mãe e a minha vó, eu amo estudar e focar no meu futuro, investindo na escrita e na filosofia (tal qual o estoicismo) entretanto, eu sempre tive dificuldades severas de socializar e nunca me inseri num grupo de trabalho escolar, todos falam mal de mim sem motivo nenhum.
Em virtude dessa bagunça toda, eu nunca tive a possibilidade de ter colegas, sequer amigos. Eu tenho tantas coisas legais para conversar, tantos estudos para ensinar e continuo nessa solidão.
Obrigada, Reddit. | 2 |
What is the deal with this website, or am I just in the wrong time, the wrong place? | Hi, everybody.
I did come to "Reddit" with some expectations. I have been trying to participate, the best way I can.
I registered like 6 or 7 months ago, however I started to participate much more since like some weeks ago.
I was already trolled by teenagers, people from own country in some section of my own country.
That is why I have "minus 28" points now.
I found very rude, offensive, nasty answers and people there.
An army of them, actually.
​
There is nobody to talk to. I tried to find people to "chat", and although I wrote what was I looking for, I was contacted only by teenagers, young people, and people searching for dirty chat / dirty stuff.
I am an old woman, and I want to talk to old people (with the same interests / hobbies, and NOT dirty talk).
​
I've found a few nice people, however, they just suddenly ghosting.
Only a few people answer to my questions /posts, only some posts. Many of my posts remain deserted.
Is this how this works? Is this website like this, how it is supposed to be?
Or am I just in the wrong time in the wrong place?
Should I leave?
​
Thank you and sorry for bad english.
Best regards from Guadalajara, Jal. México. | 9 |
Would you say it makes someone a shitty/inconsiderate/toxic person if they go out in public with healed self harm scars(or not bloody scars but scars which are still a bit red etc, like a scab etc.) | In a sense of there's been occasions when I've been out in public(up to now I've never had anyone comment on my scars in a mean way) and I've felt like someone else(both people I know and strangers) has seen my scars and then I feel like they've genuinely appeared visibly sad/upset. Being completely honest I often feel like the fact that I struggle with self harm makes me a bad influence even tho I don't think I am.
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/142nu1a) | 1 |
Anyone want to join a discord server for venting, getting support and advice? | I call it the safe space, as it should be a safe space and positive environment for everyone to receive advice, support, and much more.
Also, just a heads up that it’s only for those looking for a supportive environment and not anything inappropriate, I’ve had one or two instances where people joined and started pming others and harassing them, just wanted to make that clear. Nothing wrong with relationships but no harassment is tolerated, tysm! | 3 |
im here for you | i'm far from having good mental health but i think its better to talk to people who can relate so if you need to talk message me | 8 |
Damn I am a fucking weirdo lol I feel bad for those who have to interact with me. | I just get tired from social stuff. I want everyone to be happy and well. I just really want to be quiet and alone. | 14 |
Quite sad. Possibly triggering | Yesterday i turned 30. The entire day and today all I’ve thought about is the same scene over and over and over again, me with a gun in hand shooting myself in the head.
Im tired. So tired. I drink a lot. I do a lot of drugs, cocaine. I don’t want to anymore, it’s just self medication. I emailed a couple therapists earlier today and hopefully will be talking with one soon. Im just so tired of dealing with this. I might just open my wrists and fall asleep. I wont, I want to but I won’t. I don’t want anyone to find me, to have to see that. My fat disgusting body laying in a pool of blood. Surrounded by my mess of a room. I wouldn’t leave a note. My family and friends can fucking guess. They wouldn’t get it right. My funeral would be sad, not how I’ve imagined it. It wouldn’t be a celebration of life. There would be more attendance than any other event in my life. So many of those fake fucking twats would flock to the funeral just to spout nonsense about how they wish they could’ve done something or said something if only they had known. Hahaha. That actually makes me laugh, no one says anything when im there, they dont know how. At a party over the weekend a random guy i was drinking with, a complete stranger, met him a few hours prior, asked me straight up if i was ok and if he could do anything. I almost broke down and cried right in front of him. Instead I hesitated and said i was fine. Is anyone fine when they say they are?
I just want to be alone. I just want to sleep forever. I don’t want to do this anymore. I just want to end it.
I wont end it, I just want to. | 6 |
I shouldn’t feel the way I do just because of a girl | Back in November 2022 I started feeling for a girl at my school. I am 16 almost 17 she is 15 almost 16 we are both going into 11th grade. Back in November I started crushing on a friend of mine, we will call her S and the sight of just thinking she was cute turned into I like everything about this girl after about 2 months. February rolls around and I don’t do well on Valentine’s Day since I see everyone with there partner and I don’t have anyone. Well I worked up the nerve to ask S out in a date late February, before I could do it tho she told me she was talking to someone and I supported her as a best friend should, but inside I was crushed. I didn’t do anything for days except sit in my room drink pop and play video games. I tried to let the feelings go but it wouldn’t stop they wouldn’t go away. She texted me after school one day probably getting close to mid march and she texted me that the person she had been talking to had kissed her. I felt a sense of defeat I had never felt before. I had lost, this other guy had won. Well that guy cheated on her 2 weeks later. After about 2 more weeks after that guy I told her I had liked her for a long time. She told me she had known the whole time. She told me that if I had asked her to be my valentine she would have said yes. Well we were talking and I was trying to find the right time to ask her out. I wasn’t going to do it over text but we hardly ever see each other. I told myself I would ask her out in person. Well she started drinking and smoking pot. She started hanging out with the wrong people. Recently she has started dating one of em. Some of her new bf’s friends told me that he dates just for sex and when he feels unsatisfied he leaves. Me being her best friend or I was about a month ago, knew that she wasn’t going to sleep with him, but she had already fallen in love with him, she had toyed with my emotions, with me, for months and I am done. I am going to wait for him to leave her and she will come crawling back to me like she did in march after that guy cheated on her. But I’m done with her. I will still talk to her and be friends but I am not going to ask her out or anything like that. I’m not gonna be her last resort after she had made me into her little fucking toy for 6 months. But I am just realizing that I have nobody now. I don’t have a single person who I can just talk to for hours on end. I don’t have anyone anymore. I am going to be going after someone else. We will call her K. I never thought of K like I do now. I’m probably not gonna be able to pull K which is probably not gonna help me mentally wise. And I am not gonna use K as a way to forget about the feelings I had for S. I am done with S in that way. I just can’t for the life of me just hold onto friends for more then 3 months which has made me feel alone for a while now. Longest friend I had was S, but at this point our friendship will not last and I know it. I just had to spill this and get it off of my chest. May god help me. | 2 |
I finally understand why i am so lonely and accept it | I am simply undatable, and i am simply not good enough. I am ugly inside and out as a man | 2 |
I should be better, but I still want to die? | My life is far from being bad, it never was, it was just my perception. Now I see I have things to live, I see I am fine, I see it but why do I feel that way? There is this part of me that's keeping me alive, but at the same time I don't want to get better, I want to die, I don't want to lower my chances of dying by getting better, sounds weird I know. There is an arbitrary and vague point in time I want to killmyself at (2 first weeks of july) and it feels reassuring but if I try to get better now I won't killmyself then or at least there is less chance. I can't really say that to my therapist, last time I attempted sucide she freaked out but since it was over it was fine, but I can't talk about something to happen. JUst want to talk with someone about this, maybe someone understands | 5 |
Lack of authority makes me wanna kill myself | Just turned 18 in January and ever since I have things have been more hellish than ever. It's like a childhood dream to finally be somewhat of an adult now, but I don't feel like one. My parents treat me like a kid and while yes, I just graduated high school and am dependent on them still for finances, it's getting so discouraging at this point. I feel like I'm never gonna be able to provide for myself and no matter what I do to prove I'm independent it always backfires. Like I got my license in May and my dad just called me today that I can't drive without an adult because of the insurance raising and he doesn't want to take a chance with me getting stopped by the cops. I feel like an absolute toddler. I know he probably doesn't mean any harm by that, but I actually wanna die because every time I find a chance to be independent it gets taken away from me. They also said I'm not going to drive until they feel comfortable with me having my car in college. I had no choice but to bawl down and cry when he told me that over the phone, but after the phone call because crying makes me look pathetic in their eyes. What the hell do I do? I feel like my adulthood is being snatched away from me every second I find hope to freedom from this strict household. The fact I can't have my own car in college until they feel comfortable fucking sucks and I hate my life at this point. There's no hope. | 1 |
My university is suspending me because I can't pay | **Like the title says. I just got an email from my university saying I'm suspended from campus until I pay my balance, I understand the need to pay but after I told them about financial issues. All the money my parents had went to my uncle's funeral who died in February and just recently our car was hijacked which also set us back. After knowing this and literally begging for leniency they now send an email practically saying don't bother coming until you pay. Mind everyone I live in Durban,South Africa so the educational system here is borderline useless and it's a private institution, which was really my last option because I was rejected from literally all universities in SA, on top of everything my parents are blaming me saying " who else is there to blame, you are the one who took too long to finish ".**
**I honestly don't know what to do. I applied for a student loan which was declined, the university had NO payment plan/option to help, I applied for over 500 jobs and internships to try and help make my payments but no luck there, I even started a crowdfunding campaign to help and not one person even clicked the link so I took it down ( after 1 year ). I'm too angry, sad and even more depressed, I would put this campus on blast if it wouldn't do more damage. I'm at the end of my rope and don't know what to do anymore** | 4 |
Would you class going into hospital for surgery for self harm at a young age as being traumatic ? | If I'm honest I feel like a complete fucking failure. It feels like the same thing is happening to when I was 12 and I hit my eye/self harmed to cope with overwhelming anxiety and emotions. Because I felt like I couldn't control anything else so self harm felt like the only thing I could control when I did it etc. I have intense health/death anxiety and I've basically convinced myself that I have bowel/breast cancer(early 20s and I eat relatively healthy etc.) It causes me so much hurt knowing that I probably am going to die soon and end up leaving everyone behind. Tbh I feel like even tho I know I did it to myself, I kind of feel like I haven't actually really ever felt "safe" in terms of my own health/a belief that I'm going to get sick or have to go back into hospital, ever since October-December time of 2011 when my self harm/mental health was probably at the darkest point it had ever been at. The irony is that again, recently because of how high my anxiety levels have been and how out of control I've felt in so many areas(my appearance, my own and other people's health and any potential sickness etc, feeling like i'm not actually not in control of asking for help because I feel like everyone else also has shit mental health but they just push through it and don't have to have special help to help them get through their shit etc.) it's recently resulted in me relapsing with self harm. And I feel like I want to clarify that this time I didn't self harm because I deliberately wanted to hurt myself/cause myself pain(whereas I think in late 2011, that was actually the case) but purely because I wanted some kind of release around how hurt I felt about the things I can't control
[View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/141s0ph) | 0 |
Living alone makes me feel so sad | I do enjoy spending time all by myself once in a while but since I've moved to the big city from my small town, i feel like it is very difficult to find real connections with people. Everyone's always busy and doing something. If you are not doing something all the time, you'd feel like you're being left behind. It sucks to be this far from my friends and family but it sucks even more when you can't even tell them that. Because each time they have the same reply, "you chose this" yes, i did. For my career. But that doesn't mean i don't miss being young and devoid of responsibility. Doesn't mean i don't miss wasting hours just talking nonsense all night with my friends, not realising when time passed. | 2 |
Do you ever feel like you don't really have friends | When I'm depressed, i often feel like I don't have friends. Which is not true in a sense. I have friends but they don't care like I do for them. They are all good people. They will advise me on certain things but they don't ever take my side in case of arguments with others (who are at fault and everyone knows). They won't back me up in public but they do in private. They are dismissive. I feel like no one ever has taken my side even when I'm right. Not my parents nor my friends. Does anyone ever feels this way too? | 1 |
I’ve ruined my life by finally telling a 28 year old secret. | Exactly what it says above…
I was raped when I was 13 and never told a soul. I do have many issues as a result of it, but mostly it’s just made me appear rude and anti social rather than traumatised. I’ve still managed to make a pretty good life for myself, I’m married (20 years) have 2 beautiful daughters and a great career. My husband and I have never had any issues, we never argue (well we never used too), we’ve always just had fun. I’ve always felt safe around him, so he gets silly, fun ginger, everyone else gets a guarded version of me.
I’ve wanted to tell him about the rape for years, when we first got serious, when we got married, when we had our first daughter.. but I could never find the words. I still don’t know what made me just blurt it out, but 3 weeks ago we were watching TV and talking and I just told him.
He was so supportive, I felt so light after, someone else knew…
But now, out of nowhere, 3 weeks down the line he’s suddenly changed. He told me today he feels taken advantage of and not appreciated and tells me that I’ve been a bad wife and mother for years, that I’m lazy and don’t acknowledge his ‘hard work’.
I kept it together when he said it, but as soon as I thought he was asleep I stated crying. He snapped at me what I was crying for and turned his back on me. (For context he’s seen me cry maybe twice in our whole relationship, if my family or best friend ever saw me cry they’d know something was really REALLY wrong)
This is 100% out of character for him. He’s had mental health issues in the past (depression and ptsd) but it has never effected our relationship or the kids and even at his worst has never ever spoken poorly to me. Today the girls were lost because they’ve never heard us so much as raise our voices to each other and suddenly he’s spitting venom.
The only thing different is that he knows about the rape… he’s finally processed it and realised I’m broken.
I’ve ruined my life… you really can’t trust anyone | 48 |
Tired of playing catchup.. | I don't know where else to vent until I found here. As the title says I'm tired of playing catchup with bills, money, and now my accident I recently got in. I've been trying to get a loan for ages now to help me be caught up and not have to stress 24/7 but no where will accept me due to my credit history being garbage thanks to the years of medical debt. I've tried borrowing from friends and family but their in my same situation and unable to do anything to help me either. I've tried everything to be able to afford rent, bills, and food but never can. I can't find any resources that'll actually help, I make too much for any sort of government help least in their perspective i do but yet I still can't live off the measly 14 an hour I get. Hours aren't even consistent and now that I'm out of work until the middle of the month I'm missing out on a entire paycheck. | 1 |
I miss /r/narcissisticabuse I felt "home" there and a bit beggardly without a means to my goals here | I fucked up, reddit..... :(
I just posted a thread FULL of material about narcissistic abuse and people with NPD doing a bad job of pretending like they don't have NPD in [r/narcissisticabuse](https://www.reddit.com/r/narcissisticabuse/) and circle jerking themselves off and getting away with it to the WRONG FREAKKIN ROOM! I went into [r/NPD](https://www.reddit.com/r/NPD/) because one of those narcs faking it over at my normal support group home targeted me. She's my recent ex gf irl....then she send me nudes after she got me banned, yuck...well played but yuck
....sooo yeah I'm subreddit home homeless and walked into the first place.....and told my story to a room full of people with NPD. :( | 1 |
Venting because I need to. | Im a 13 year old girl with oral cancer and I haven’t old anyone about it yet because its already spread to the lymph nodes in my neck. I feel so bad for my family because they’re gonna miss me and Im gonna miss them. I feel terrible. If I tell them and they take me to the doctors I just know things are gonna get worse and they’re gonna find out that I’m not gonna make it. Their whole worlds just gonna get turned upside down. I mean I wanna leave this shitty place but at the same time I just wanna stay with them. I hope and pray that if I die that I’m with them in another dimension. I just wanna stay with them and live my whole life, but no, I have to die because of oral cancer. For anyone thats reading this, thank you and I just want you to know that I appreciate and love you so much. | 9 |
I was getting thoughts of suicide at the age of 10... | I 23m was getting thoughts of suicide by the age of 10 and never told anyone. This is a throwaway account so I am going to tell everything. So when I was young my family had the image of a good family and it was, most times. My father had hes own tutoring place and my mother was a social worker. We were well of with money and didn't really struggle with mental illnesses. But my father because of his job always came home late in the night and really wanted us to succeed in life. And he loved us but he didn't show it very well. My father used to beat me and my sister to study harder and didn't let us sleep intil we did all our homework. At home my sister was amazing, always brought amazing grades and was always social. Me on the other hand wasn't that smart. I was bringing home good grades but I was always bored at school and never socialized well with people. So one night because my toxic friend always woke up early and made me go to school with him and 7:30 when school started at 8:10. So one night my father came to my room with my mother to talk. He said that I went to school early because I wanted to do drugs... I was shocked and after that because I am sensitive started crying and after my father left my mother comforted me and I told her 'can you give me 1 reason not to suicide right now'. She was shocked but didn't say anything. Now I am doing better and I also started to go to a psychologist at the age of 12. Thankfully I don't have anymore thoughts of suicide but I can't tell anyone about what happend even my psychologist. | 1 |
My mom is breaking my heart | I suffer from a deep depression since 2+ years. Its my birthday today and i saw my mom preparing the whole living room with these 18!! decorations yk what I mean ig. But I cant feel happiness no more and its heartbreaking to see her trying to make me happy though it cant be done. I feel so damn guilty and bad. Has anyone any advice? | 4 |
Can you wish me happy birthday ? | Today was my birthday. I don't really have friends, I know some of my classmates, but at the end of the day non of them and no one else wished me a happy birthday
So I thought that maybe someone on internet would wish me a happy birthday, sorry I feel kind of down right now
& maybe this is not right subreddit, but I also wanted to ask: how to make friends? how to be a good friend? | 12 |
expression of a confined mask… | i am yet a fool borrowing a smile I had seen from those around me. Brandishing a flag I did not own yet had any relation to besides that of those around me, behind that smile no intent yet to stand in a crowd and look exactly like those who would never be seen, because if i was noticed, what would i say? How would i respond to questions? Would my attitude be disapproved? That’s how it all began starting off small with just tiny stories of my life little white lies. Experiences i had truly never even remotely came close to a life I had never lived. For I had nothing to offer if I told the truth besides a gloomy melancholy life one that would surely be laughed at, frowned upon or shown a sympathetic note of “I’m so sorry you went through that”. I knew it all too well noticing them almost immediately I could see any hint of negativity on a person and when I saw it I felt guilty, ashamed, I had angered these alien species i knew not too well I needed to fix what i did wrong. If I told the truth there would be no escape i would be punished for such a sin, embroidered and shunned outcasted from the rest. I made ridiculous idiotic yet believable stories and i was good at it not a single raise of suspicion not an eyebrow raised or even a word of question like “did that really happen!”. My role now was to amuse be the jester because if i didn’t they would see how pathetic and alien I truly was my foreign ambiguity. It became a hobby… lying to see how much i could get away with how crazy, far i could go to make others fantasize, and fascinated of a life I could only dream of. The truth was the biggest lie of the them all, more of a lie than anything i previously said. I played my part too well, so well now if i had told the truth it would all come down. It would be the biggest lie ever. The truth would surely be questioned…And the when it would come how would I respond? Do I lie again? Do I continue on this path of righteousness of that of a pastor? How do I live like the rest without wearing this mask? If i take off this smile I’ve worn for so long I would be slain it not slain tortured if not tortured imprisoned. I can’t take off this mask for what i fear will come next will hurt and I wont know how to bandage that wound or plea for help. The wearing of this mask was the biggest mistake making my life more of a lie than anything before unaware of what’s real and what’s not I needed an escape… The reason i became so addicted so easily to the most minute things… hyper fixated creating obsessions. Then it wouldn’t be enough anymore i needed something stronger that’s when i discovered self harm. As a child i had always hurt myself on purpose it was amusing though it was nothing more than to hurt myself or stop the emotional hurt or escape from the disappointment of others or the abuse i faced when i got home. It only became later that i saw how useful it could be how i could abuse it to my numbing how much could i escape with only a tiny price to pay of my own blood. Hurt the one beneath it all… making wearing the mask all the easier covering my pain with that horrid smile. Til even that wasn’t enough I needed a permanent relief…. Death.
It did not help when I was alone that is when everything scaled from 0 to 100. My feelings and sometimes the absence of it would skyrocket. uncontrolled restless fits undetermined switching between so many, rage,sadness, melancholic pursuits, euphoria(which i could only wish would last), The worst of it all would be the feeling of happiness for I knew it wouldn’t last. It would be gone and i would go chasing it just a fake something unusual something I know can’t truly be real for me it wasn’t prescribed to me to be happy I was merely born to suffer. I was shown was happiness correction is true, free and unbroken. So what I was feeling couldn’t be nothing more than another ruse a mask within a mask a russian doll, another unapologetic salesman selling a concoction that would never truly work as promised and when it did turn on it would shortly be cut of power and you would continue to chase that power, that needing to fix whatever was wrong with it | 1 |
How can I help my depressed friend | I'm not sure what subreddit to go to. I am just posting this on a couple of subreddits. But I'm gonna try to keep this short as possible.. I'm gonna be vague just to keep his information private.
I have a online friend that has moved to the another country. he has no irl friends in the new country for the longest time he wasn't able to work. Recently He had gotten the papers to work and stuff and he gotten a job. However, he isn't able to go to college because of some issue. And he very upset by that.
He said he feel depressed and wants to end it cause He has no irl friends (causw or that I think he feel lonely) and I feel like college and some other issue are a problem.
Im trying to help him as much as possible but to be honest i don't think what I'm telling him isn't helping. He doesn't want to go to a therapist
Also he said he wants to be alone for while. Which I don't think it's a good idea to leave him alone for so long
What can I do to help him more? | 1 |
Why I’m alive? | I've experienced a lot of agony, yet I still don't understand how I'm still here. I don't even know how to express my pain in words. | 2 |
Hahhahaha | Be jobless forever and give up your dreams Hahahhahaha and be discouraged.
Keep depending on family to give you money or your school to give you aid. Hahahhahahahah
Give up my dreams lol of joining the military.
Hahhahahahahahhshahahah
While every other adult has a paycheck and while I watch the world go by. | 2 |
Masturbation | I’m just lost. I’ve tried to quit again and again but it never works . Worst of all I started fetishising my addiction so I can’t even pretend that I hate the action more than the person doing it. I have no self control and awareness and I sought out a community who would enable me. I’m feeling horrible psychological and physiological effects but my decision making is just too far gone. So I guess this is the end to the saga I’m just going to go ghost. | 2 |
Why | I know it's not related. But I just need somewhere to let out
It just feels unfair sometimes. I can't freely express myself in the mainstream socmed because people may be too caring about it and prevent me from it. Some people don't even care - especially the ones I want to be cared by.
I just wanna be sad and have some people to notice. But not too much attention to stop me or something. Because I feel like I was being cared by the right people. Or is it just me who picked the wrong people to be cared by?
Life can be so unfair
For now I'm still fighting this unfairness. I'll end it - one way or another
Because... from the ashes we come and return to... | 1 |
I have a huge question about my feelings | why do I always fall in love with people who are either busy or I know that nothing will come of it so bad that I just want to turn off the phone and sit at home for a few years, I'm too tired from this, that I absolutely do not want to love / fell in love, etc. | 2 |
Can’t take it anymore | I detest my body, I hate that my parents didn't inspire me or support me, I get angry easily, and I'm trying so hard to avoid eating anything in favor of drinking only water, coffee, and tea. Even worse, I disappointed my lover, and I was a complete moron. My father was correct,I'll be nothing and die from starvation. | 1 |
No one respects me | I’m a21 years old man, and i have a lot of what people like to call “friends”. My problem is that they don’t really respect me as a person and love to try to push me around and i hate that about people it’s really degrading. And more importantly lonely | 2 |
Ughhh | I don't know what to do. I'm a 23f drop out with no job that pays, body issues, and no motivation to fix my life even though I'm on the verge of tears. I don't have anyone by my side because I have no social life (social anxiety) and my family are people I just want to get away from..... ughhh | 2 |
Just kill me | I don't want to be here anymore, your more than welcome to do it I don't care | 2 |
Addiction to a type of sadness within | Does anybody else ever absolutely crave the feeling of sadness? As if it’s just apart of you? | 1 |
One day at a time | Never been the most happiest guy but recently started talking to this girl and I finally felt what might be true happiness. Well now I’m ghosted and back to where I was, had a taste and it felt so good. Probably don’t deserve it but I’d do anything to get that feeling back. | 5 |
Wanted to share my sorrow | Hey
I don't know why I wrote sorrows but I just wanted to share everything I've been feeling lately. Yesterday while driving out of nowhere I started crying. And felt a need to share it with someone. Tragedy is I don't even have friends who'd get me. I am 26 year old female, Delhi and i completed my mbbs last year. Little bit of context : my parents forced me to do it. I wanted to get into a creative field. Anyway all thanks to my extra curriculars, theatre and art I easily managed however I always felt that I do not belong to that place. I had some really good friends, a very few but genuine friends were made. Post college I straightaway got into a government job. Salary is good and after 2 years I'll get in service pg quota as well. Everything is going well in life from an outsider's perspective but I have a different take. I always feel i haven't lived my life fully. I have missed some important experiences. My love life isn't something to be proud of and my list of people I've dated is not long either. I do have the feeling of fullfillment. I lack a good friend circle. I've literally cried myself to sleep over the fact that never in my life I've got people of my own kind. I never found my tribe. I do not enjoy smoking and drinking that much. Dating feels like a chore that I have to get done with. What really made me happy back in the day was winning. It might sound a little weird but the best moments I had were during the fest season. Just going to fests, preparing for debates, winning them, meeting new people gave me the best feeling. I did freelance graffiti and murals but now i just do not have the motivation or creative push to do it anymore. I just don't feel like doing it. I mean i want to do it but I'm unable to. I wanted to launch my stationery brand with my own design but couldn't due to lack of funds. Now when I have the money , I don't have to motivation to put some thought or work into it. I feel lonely, uninspired, really feel that i should've lived a better life and I've missed some important chapters of life. It really bothers me that I'm wasting my limited time on earth. I cry sometimes just because I don't have tribe. I cry because of the fact that work tires me and I'd always be an average person, below average actually because everyone around me is actually having fun kr achieving something. I am scared for the future as well. I never wished for a married life or kids or anything. But I know one day people will start questioning. Yhe other day a lady was discussing her retirement plans qnd felt so envious of her. I mean I wish I could skip the middle phase. | 6 |
Respect | It shows a lot about a person’s character when they lie and cheat.
If they can fight temptation and respect you not only in front of you but behind you back, it shows a lot about what kind of man/woman they are. | 3 |
Downloaded Reddit just for this | I really need to get this off my chest, I’ve struggled with bullies all my life and it’s almost normal to get bullied but I’m so incredibly close to falling off the edge and never getting out of bed and just giving up.
I don’t get physically bullied and I’m very thankful for that but I get called names and I get made fun of everything I mean everything from the way I walk to the way I look. I struggle a lot with keeping friends because I will have those temporary ones which will say there friends with me for maybe 1-2 months then drop me like a trend. Then go around and spread fake things about me, and what they will say to get close to me will be something along the lines of “yeah I have no friends either” or “I understand what your going through” and this and that, and I will slowly open up and after the 1-2 months they will drop me and all of a sudden and they will have a massive friend group and it’s almost they were faking being my friend just to know all my secrets and then go around telling everyone them. I’ve already been pushed way to close to the edge once where I didn’t get out of bed for a while and I was almost going to give up completely and if I get pushed to that length again I’m scared I won’t get out of that dark place. ever.
I’ve changed almost everything about myself to fit in any way possible I will roll up my school uniform skirt I will wear makeup I will straighten my hair I will act like everyone else I’m even trying to change the way I talk because I get made fun of the way I talk my class mates will say “she (me) has the answer” just so it will get me to talk then they will mock me and mimic how I sound, the teachers don’t care because all they want is the pay check and the school councillor just says it’s okay and the “just ignore them” I just want to scream at everyone’s faces I was so happy when I was a child, confident,happy and excited about things but now I’m non of those things I can’t even put a smile on my face because I’m so miserable I don’t even know myself anymore I’ve lost myself in trying to fit in. I would say I’m just like everyone else but the amount of things said about me and the amount of things people believe it’s to far gone no one sits next to me no one talks to me no one treats me like a human being. I can’t even enjoy school holidays because I’m alone in my house the entire time and worrying about going back to school.
I cry almost ever single day because I’ve lost people I love I’ve lost myself I’ve lost being happy.
All I want is to be happy why can’t I have one thing? It’s all I’ve ever asked for but people are so cruel and selfish I can’t even enjoy my life.
Thank you for reading if you have I just want someone to understand me and this is the only time I get to talk and say how I truly feel and for people to understand me. | 2 |
First real post | I've been an avid reddit user for about a decade. Throughout the years if there was anything that I needed to know but wanted a real answer instead of the Google standard answer I would search "*insert random subject* reddit". I love reddit. Almost always find what I'm looking for on here. Though a disappointing aspect of it is not being able to fully interact with everything I'd like to due to my low karma amount. I saw on here that you get Karma from posting and making comments and things like that so I'm going to start. I'll be dedicating this page to all the random thoughts that pop into my brain. If I also remember to post it in that moment then I will. It'll also be a place for me to type out all the things I say on a daily basis to my spouse that to ignored because of their fear of reality and absolute inability to take accountability or responsibility for their actions. Quite a horrible thing she is. She trapped me years ago by pretending what we had was real and I've been paying for it dearly ever since. I'll probably post the story of our tragedy in pieces. It's pretty awful. But my literal pain and suffering will most likely entertain those who read it. It certainly entertained the thing that caused all of it. | 3 |
Sadness Sub reddit stats | https://subredditstatistics.com/r/Sadness | 0 |
Impasse | Here I am, at the same impasse once more. I don’t want to be here, I’ve been trying so incredibly hard. I thought I was past it, but like always I’m reminded that I’m not meant to be happy. I wish more than anything that my suicide attempt had been successful, but I’m still here. Why? Why can I not find happiness? Why am I forced to still face another day of sadness? Of grief? Of feeling like I don’t matter to anyone? Like the world would be a better place if I just didn’t exist? Or maybe it wouldn’t change at all. I don’t affect anyone’s life in any way. I wish I could just disappear. I just want to go far away and never have to come back. I want to go to sleep and not have to wake up. I’m just done. So incredibly done with everything and everyone. | 1 |
If you were offered Euthanasia now, where you'd die peacefully and without any pain, would you take it ? But you're given one hour to decide. | null | 3 |
I'm pretty sure my husband lied to me... | Lately I spend most of my days sad and wish my life was over. This is going to be very long and very personal. I'm changing some details in hopes no one we know recognizes who we are.
So when we first met he began flirting with me immediately. I did everything I could to let this man down easy. I told him I wasn't his type. I'm not like everyone else. I have mommy and daddy issues. Went thru an insane divorce and still currently fighting for justice for my kids as well as my son's safety. I like dressing up like a pin up daily. And I very much act like a child. I have a brat personality. And in my experience sir's and daddys are hard to find. So I had already accepted that I was going to spend the rest of my life alone. I told him repeatedly and publicly that I was not interested and that I wasn't his type. I'll be honest, I wasn't just telling him that, I was telling myself too. But he never let up, and my defenses got weak and I allowed myself to fall for him the day he looked at me and said "brats are my weakness." I feel so stupid for believing him.
I'm very spiritual. And I made that clear to him and made very sure to explain what that meant to me. I don't celebrate holidays, but I celebrate holy days. But also, tho the Holy Bible describes sex before marriage as a sin, it also describes how a husband and wife should be loving each other emotionally and sexually. And I believe both our needs should be met.
He confided in me that he was bisexual. Originally he told me that he likes both genders and sometimes he likes to dress up in women's clothes cos he feels more comfortable. And that alone was very difficult for me to process. I knew the Lord sent him to me. I knew he was designed just for me. My other half. But I struggled to cope with the fact that I would not be the only princess in our relationship. And he promised it was nothing like that, that I would definitely be the princess and main focus of his obsessions. And then I struggled with the fact that I could not only end up losing him or being cheated on him wit other women, but now men too. I'm not just in competition with other women, now I'm in competition with other men. And considering I have been cheated on and abused in every relationship thus far, I didn't know how to trust that. But he swore up and down I was all he would ever need. That I fulfilled him in ways he never imagined. And I believed him. But then a plot twist. We got pregnant from our first time hooking up. And he was nervous at first and I was honestly unhappy altogether because pregnancy destroys me every time. Not jus my body, but it takes a real big toll on my health. But within a few short weeks he was happy about it. I took much longer. At first it didn't seem like it affected our relationship. We were regularly sexually active, but it was always vanilla. Which struck me as odd since he claimed to be a Dom with a weakness for brats. But by the time I was 3 and a half months along he stopped touching me, stopped being affectionate, stopped being vanilla kinda kinky. To eventually not being interested in sex with me at all. I could lay in front of him naked, and he wouldn't even look. Never touch. And so I broke down and asked him about it. He said he was just stressed from work, his dad's health and bringing a new little into the world and just didn't want to stress the baby by having sex. Blah blah blah we worked thru it. But nothing changed really. Not for a while. The part that hurt at that time was that he could hind n go watch porn. But couldn't hide with me and make time for us to be intimate. And it's not like I'm some selfish lover. I give him head daily. Without having to ask. I enjoy it, and I enjoy seeing him enjoy it. But still, it took until I was about 5 months along for us to get to a point where we had sex once a week.
Now thru all this he's changed up his sexuality. He is now a new Dom and never done anything before because previous partners were not into it. He went from sometimes liking to wear women's clothes to it's an every single day thing wear I have to request him to wear all men's clothes just to get him to wear something other than women's panties. Which fine whatever, again it's just a learning process cos it's new for me too. But I felt lied to. Then he mentioned that when he was a kid he used to want to do the hormone treatment to become a women but then realized he didn't want to be a women, he just like the fetish of dressing like one and sucking on a dildo. Okay cool. Let's work into this slowly so I can be apart of it with you. Then my stupid ass introduced him to reddit. I still hate myself and even cry myself to sleep for being so stupid.
I worked hard on encouraging him to be comfortable with me and allow me to be a part of that life. And he said he loved that about me. But I had to beg for months and months to be a part of it.
Then my stupid self decided to go thru his phone just out of curiosity and see if there were any recent fantasies he had been watching or reading up on so I could surprise him by performing that very thing for him. And I found it. He flirting back and forth with a man on Reddit. Dirty talking about how my husband wants to be used by this man's dick. That shit broke me at 8 months pregnant. And I didn't confront him until I was 1 month postpartum. He swore up and down he didn't remember it. That he's not into men and he's not gay. He just like toys. It's just a kink thing for him. He just goes on Reddit to freely be himself but as a woman and it's all pretend and not real.
Fast forward to now and he literally worships dick on here. Hypes it up. Fantasizes about it. Compliments it. Just in general thirsts really bad for the dick on here. I don't think he knows I can read every post he posts, and every single comment he leaves. Because I have his account on my phone from when he used my phone. And I have no self control. I have to read what he says. He breaks me down and kills pieces of me every single time, but I can't stop myself. I keep reading hoping one day he'll snap out of it and worship me and my parts like that. That he'll hype me and my makeup or my outfits up the way he does the the women on Reddit that he watches suck dick and gets jealous over. I want him to thirst over me the way he thirsts after dick on Reddit. I wanna be his main focus of obsession. But dick is the winner. And again, I'm not selfish. I use toys on him. I get into it. I play every role he wants even tho I'm extremely submissive. But if that's what Daddy wants that what I give. And it's not enough. He even broke down and told me a month ago that he still thinks about doing hormone therapy. But I didn't agree to that when I signed up for this relationship. I don't want to be in a lesbian relationship. Not because of any other reason other than I am not a lesbian. It's not who I am.
I already struggle with my self image after gaining so much weight to have our child. Yet reading him thirst over everyone except me is killing me. I don't feel like I'm asking too much. I love him with my whole heart, but the one thing he promised he already broke. He said I was enough. That I was not in competition with any man woman, or thing. That I was all he would ever need. But he lied. I'm not enough. And now I have this reddit to do the same thing he's doing. Maybe he's wake up and realize what he's losing. Or maybe he'll wake up and realize who he really is. And leave my life and let me heal and find peace.
I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not the princess in this relationship. His girl side is. And I'm not the main focus for his obsessions, dick is. I'm not enough for him, but taking as many dicks as possible is.
He even commented on a post in r/sluttyconfessions about realizing he liked sucking dick when he was a kid and tried to come up with a reason for him and his brother to suck each other's dicks. People had questions. Some wanted to know if he still sucked his brother's dick recently. And he said yes, his brother's birthday back in April. He cheated on me. With his brother. A man. But I'm supposed to believe I'm enough and that I'm all he needs in life and I'm the reason he breathes and wake up everyday. Buts it's all a fucking lie. And there is no compromising with him. He either gets to be HER and do as he pleases, or he threatens to jus throw her and all her things out. Which I know would only lead to him cheating on me even more as well as hiding it from me. Jus to leave me in 5 years. If we even make it that long. Honestly I think as soon as his father passed my life will be flipped upside down. I'll be stuck with all these kids and my beauty gone and faded and he'll be a looking good still, transition fully into being a woman and off living his best life, while I spend the rest of my life picking up the pieces of my heart that didn't have to be broken had he been honest with me and with himself first.
I literally want to die. I have a baby to care for on top of 4 other kids. I have no identity anymore cos I lost everything and my whole life is tied up in him and these kids. I lost my body and my self-esteem. But I'm going to the gym and dieting. I'm going to find myself again. And I'm gonna sit on Reddit and worship everyone else's dick the way he does. And tell fake stories about his best friend eating my pussy on my birthday and all kinds of shit. And I hope he sees it all. And it either makes him realize what he's on the verge of destroying. Or he's do some serious reflecting and be honest with himself and who he is really is and really wants to be.
P.S. I know it might not entirely make sense, but I had to leave a lot out to protect identities from being recognized. And I apologize for the format, I'm on mobile, and trying to be quick. 5 kids and I'm the soul caretaker. I have to type super fast and in-between children chaos. | 3 |
I am a sad weirdo boring dull person | Everyone I talk to thinks I'm a weirdo or I'm boring or dull and I feel that I might be just that I wish I can show that I'm not a weirdo or boring person but I don't know if I can all I can do is just sit down on bed with sadness. | 4 |
Drinking | Does drinking really make you forget sadness or heartache? | 3 |
Lacking Purpose (TW) | TW for suicidal ideation. I 100% understand if my post gets deleted. I'm posting this to anywhere I think I can find somebody, ANYbody who could give me some semblance of advice.
I'm a 24yo American male and I'm completely lacking in motivation and purpose.
I've always been a lonely and mentally ill person. Anxiety, depression, suicidal, etc. I feel very little positivity and joy. I lack the motivation for self-improvement and self-reliance.
Ever since my youth, I've never been much good at making friends. Was never a very social or motivated kid. I've seen it said many times that charisma and having connections are essential to success in life. I severly lack social skills/people skills and fear that this has crippled my ability to live a well-off life.
I suffered a mental/emotional breakdown in 7th grade due to the stress of the workload. I got diagnosed with Asperger's and spent proceeded to spend most of my time in the special needs classroom. I've suffered several breakdowns throughout my years as a middle and high school student. Lots of banging on walls, lots of crying, lots of screaming, etc. I was the stereotypical "psycho", the quiet loner kid with no friends and no social skills. I dropped out of several high-demand classes and clubs as a result of never being able to handle the workload/responsibility (APUSH, robotics, Beta Club, National Honor Society, etc.). I never took the SATs or anything like that. I feel horrifically ashamed and guilty and useless and worthless because I could never make it in these classes/clubs. It's resulted in me feeling constantly suicidal to this day due to never living up to my own hefty expectations of myself.
In 10th grade, I confessed how sad and angry and suicidal I am to a guidance counselor and it landed me a week in a juvenile mental facility. I wasn't allowed to return to school for half a year after that. I totally screwed myself even further. Shoulda just kept my mouth shut.
I'm still living with my parents and am totally dependent on them for everything. I never learned how to do all the things kids are supposed to learn. How to make friends, how to swim, ride a bike, etc. I'm 24 and I don't know how to drive! And as an adult, I know diddly-squat about insurance, homeowning, taxes, etc., or any other important adult stuff. I've been working part-time as a dishwasher at Cracker Barrel for the past 8 years, less than 20 hours every week. I still rely on my parents and grandparents to get me to and from work. I feel like such a massive burden and have attempted to take my own life multiple times.
Sis got accepted into college recently. She's absolutely amazing, an extremely talented and intelligent young woman. An artist, musician, writer, etc. Recently, I overheard Dad telling her how great she is while talking trash about me behind my back. Said I'll always be dependent on him and Ma. He's sick of it and moving out in September. I'm absolutely terrified of what'll happen to us once he goes.
I confided in Sis about what I heard and she told me she wanted to yell at Dad and tell him to shut up right then and there. That a parent should never talk like that about their child. She offered to help me learn how to drive and she offered to help me apply for college. But I'm so genuinely terrifed that I'll crash and burn in college (see my previous academic history of stress and mental breakdowns). I'm so, so, so genuinely scared outta my mind that I'll never make it. That I'll never amount to anything, so why bother accumulating debt if I'm probably just gonna drop out like I always do?
I've become hyper-fixated on the concept of euthanasia. Death with dignity, the right to die, etc. This suffering is just too much to bear. I'm so sick of myself. I wish I was normal. I wish I wasn't so emotional and outbursty. I wish I wasn't so socially inept and helpless. I wish I leaned how to swim and how to bike and how to drive when I was a kid. I wish I knew how to be responsible and own my own place and do taxes. I'm the type of person who needs firm directions from others in order to achieve some semblance of function. Can anybody give me direct and concise orders on what to do next? I can't do this alone...
I apologize if all this comes off as whining and complaining, I'm just so very sick and tired of myself. Seriously, what should I do? What CAN I do? | 1 |
Thank you Mario, but our princess is in another castle. | Well I spent all of this time and effort on a person that didn’t deserve it and now I’m just trying to drown all of my pain by keeping myself busy but my brain is a mess. I’ve cried my tears and I’ve felt my pain and now I’m just lonely again looking for my princess to make into my queen so life’s cold winds can be directed away from me again. Sounds like poetry almost… | 1 |
I’m sad | null | 5 |
i feel like i am dying day after day .. | i feel like i am dying day after day i can not stand this feeling anymore sometimes i want to escape reality and lock my self in my room for days what should i do please help me with some advice | 5 |
I'm unemployed and spiraling | I'm in my 30s and I'm unemployed. I've been unemployed for about a year and half now. I enjoyed my freedoms (I had decent money to live off of), but lately circumstances have been hitting me hard.
2022 was a bad year for me. Early that year I caught Covid, was sick for a month, and broke a rib from excessive coughing (was fully vaccinated at the time). It took another month and half to heal. Later that year, my home burned down, so my S/O and I were homeless for some time while dealing with insurance. Luckily we were able to find a place to take us. Needless to say, bills and expenses were draining us.
Now, my S/O is recovering from a bad accident and cannot work. So I've been caring for them while they recover, but this has been making our finances bleed. I had planned to go job hunting right before this, but the accident made them immobile and unable to do things on their own, so they needed my round-the-clock care.
Which brings me back to being unemployed. This is why my relationship was and still is strained. It wasn't that I couldn't contribute to bills or food, I had the money to cover half of expenses. Its ultimately the stigma of being unemployed.
I want to believe that my S/O loves me, but they're deeply embarrassed and ashamed of me for my unemployment. Close family and friends likely think less of me because of it, and lesser of them for being with me. S/O holds silently onto their shame and tries to reassure me that they are happy and that I am enough.. but their true feeling oozes out during arguments, and especially after drinking. Through everything that has happened thusfar, this is the constant.
They avoid any conversations about me as possible. Instead of reassuring family and friends of their love and confidence in me (as they do with me), they shy away from any topics involving me. I am the smear they hope people would ignore. It makes me feel less of a person. It's hard to believe them when they say I am enough, when I've become some sort of burden when they're talking with others.
Now I'm a spiraling mess of anxiety. I actively avoid people. I feel like I can't talk to anybody, lest they'll look down on me too. I'm made to feel lesser for not having a job; that my worth is in actively making money. Nothing about me is enough; not my hobbies, not my interests, not how I cook, clean, and look after my S/O... All this means little to nothing if I'm not making money. | 4 |
Getting fired, again | I was getting fired in my part-time job, twice. I live in Indonesia so it's hard to get job without insiders connection or money. I feels useless and depressed. I hope I will get new job ASAP (it was even better if I actually got full-time job) | 2 |
I don’t know if I’ll ever want a relationship again | Going through a breakup rn. I honestly am at a point where I want to take a break from dating. I’m not sure I can do it ever again. What should I do right now to work on myself and find out who I am? | 1 |
feelings. | I'm a boy who lives in Philippines, I've been drowned in sadness and depressed for a long time and had no one to talk to because I am a 'man' and I should get my shit up, but to be honest. I feel like I just wanna let it all out into someone and talk with them and be there with them but I'm scared because they might use it against me and start making fun of me so that's why I'm in so desperate situation.
I've never cried since I was 8 (when my mom left to work overseas) and I cried because I saw it in movies and something tragic will happen one day. But luckily God gave me mercy and helped my mom overcome so many problems in life.
you can call me 'corny' or 'cringe' but to be honest, I can't take shit anymore, I've cared so many to people I met throughout my life and not even half of them cared to me. Should I stop loving or keep loving until I meet someone that will love me the same way I will? I keep repeating this 'motivation' in my head hoping to earn any courage to move on but I probably think that I deserve so many of these since I did something horrible in the past that not even my most-loved person in the world can forgive me. I wish they can forgive me I'd do anything just for them to forgive me so I can keep moving on to my life without thinking about it everyday. | 3 |
cheating and breaking up | I cheated on my boyfriend while I was intoxicated (drunk and high at the same time). I regret it more than anything on earth and I feel so incredibly horrible, guilty, and like scum. How can I recover from this? I want to be a better person and better myself. What do I do now? I just want him to be okay. I’m worried about him and his well-being more than anything. Will he ever forgive me even if we don’t end up together again? I’m freaking the f out | 1 |
My Hole | Date: 4/25/23 |
Here I lie. In a hole once made of dirt now of stone. People blame me for this transformation. Although I had nothing to do with it, I still accept the punishment. For what is life without pain? Here I lie in my hole. Made of sorrow and regrets. A hole made for torture. Here I lie , serving my sentence in this hole of mine. | 2 |
The happiest years are behind me | I realized recently, the happiest years of my life are probably long behind me, this being my childhood and teenage years.
I will never be the centre of anyone's universe like I was to my parents when I was an innocent little kid, no one will ever care about me the way my parents did, I will never be free of burdensome responsibilities like I was when I was a teenager.
The rest of my life will be wage slavery, having to please other people who don't really care about me in order to stay employed and not starve, struggling for money and feeling like my free time is never enough.
I am too socially awkward for longterm relationships and ultimately too lazy (or exhausted from work responsibilities?) to make the effort to sustain one.
I am grateful for the parents I had and the childhood they gave me, but it's saddens and depresses me to realize that it's all long behind me and I will never be as happy as I once was. | 10 |
Sad as hell and don’t know what to do about it | The title really says it all but for more detail I(19M) feel empty? I can count on one hand the amount of times someone has said they were proud of me. I see couples out and about together laughing and smiling at eachother and I’m kinda jealous. I want that kind of thing so bad I’m happy for them dont get me wrong but I just want that. I guess I’m more affection starved than sad now that I’m really thinking about it. I don’t know what to do about this anymore I’ve always just bottled this shit up and buried it deep but I keep getting reminded of that emptiness in my heart. I don’t want to bother my friends with this for 2 reasons. I have no idea how to even bring this up and I’m the friend that’s always there for them. the one that’s always smiling I’ll give the shirt off my back and do anything to make things better for my friends. the logical part of me knows they’d be there for me if I told them. but deep down I’m terrified to tell them any of this. every time I’ve opened up to somebody about how I feel or tried talking about it or just been vulnerable in any way I’ve had my heart broken every time. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve it either I try my best to be good. To I don’t know earn affection? Not sure how else to put it. But after every heartbreak I’ve always been able to put the pieces back together and live through the pain. But I’m scared I don’t think I can take another heartbreak like that. So yeah that’s me I guess if you’ve read this far I’m sorry to bother you with this thank you for listening though. | 6 |
Don’t Give Up | I’ve had chronic sadness since 1985 when my older brother died in my arms.
December 6, 1999 me and my fiancé were hit from behind which killed her and I had to have my face reconstructed
Yada Yada
Please listen to this song when you’re sad. Just my suggestion | 2 |
Slowly losing the will to live | My mom told me she wishes she never gave birth to me, hoping to inflict some pain. But who’s to tell her, I wish I wasn’t here either today. You’re preaching to the choir mom, aren’t any truer words. Someone take me out, take me away, I’m done with living as much as she’s done with seeing me alive. | 6 |
My Wife Will Never Love Me the Same. | It took me 3 years to realize this after my son was born and we are now having a second child on the way.
FYI I love my son and would die for my children. But that does not mean it takes away from the love I have for my wife.
However, my wife seems to only have a limited amount of love to spare, and my boy gets just about all of it.
I do not remember a time my wife and I had a conversation that does not involve our child.
I feel like a stranger in my own home.
My boy loves me. He says so. He loves when Papa is home.
Papa just does not want to be home because Mommy is a stranger.
I want to leave....but will not do it because my child and future child need a father.
What the fuck do I do... | 3 |
Why You Get Bullied | https://youtu.be/sMsQa0WBU4g | 2 |
Lost my feelings | I went through many difficulties and no one can understand what is happening to me and i was feeling for long time at a sudden I reached the point I don’t care at all. The difficulties might see to many people like small things but to me it was big deal. I lost faith on everything | 4 |
Joy?? She’s a phony | Why would anyone waste time pursuing their passions? There is nothing you care about that won’t eventually hurt you worse than it ever made you happy. | 0 |
a sad day.. | I lost my pet today.. I'm still grieving.. Yes ik its apart of life but she was a baby ok? She didnt make it tho. So if you can give me some advice on how to stop grieving please give me the advice.. | 3 |
How To Deal With Heartbreak | https://youtu.be/eJjRV4VFQxk | 2 |
Lost dad and mom in December. Less than 96 hours apart. | Dad had Parkinson’s. Fell and broke same hip two times. Two hip replacements. Multiple surgeries to stop bleeding and infection. Hospital and nursing facility for all of 2022. Was in hospice for one week and died minutes after my wife and daughters showed up to see him. Spent three busy days with mom. Trying to get her to think about moving on with her life. Went to wake her Christmas Eve morning at the AirBnB we were staying in. We were going to my brother’s house for dinner. I found her dead. She had several underlying conditions but had just had blood work done and Dr had no concerns.
At first I was overwhelmed because of the loss for my daughters. They were close with their grandparents. Then it was the shock of it all. Then it was I lost my parents.
I now have bouts of overwhelming sadness. I am not sad about anything really. Just something triggers me an out comes the tears. Today has been tough.
Just had to share somewhere. I feel broken. | 3 |
My best friend and I grew apart and will likely never see each other again | Just wanted to vent about it.
We were so close, I truly thought of her as the sister I never had.
I thought we would be part of each others lives forever.
But then after she had kids she slowly fell out of contact. I would reach out, I would chat with her on Facebook, eventually I was the only one reaching out and she would respond with simple one word answers, then she stopped responding entirely.
I know her and her husband moved overseas for his work. I am glad they are happy together but I am sad that we grew apart and sad that we will likely never hang out or see each other again. | 3 |
no matter how deep the night it always turns to Day eventually ☀️ | null | 2 |
Power to Heal Sadness | Quotes from scriptures such as "be anxious for nothing.. come unto me all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.. I will not leave you comfortless.. Do not let your hearts be troubled.. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you" are designed by the authors to address anxiety disorders and to bring the mind and spirit back into faith and rest when agitated. https://lemuelbaker.com/in_god_s_image_series_ | 1 |
Would anyone want to join a discord for venting, getting advice and support? | null | 2 |
The sadness of missing my grandma has encompassed my life. | I am 28. I lost my grandma after a long battle to cancer, at the age of 84 in October 2022.
Four months later, the smallest things rip open the wound of grief and make it feel as fresh as it was the day that I got the call that she was gone.
I feel like some of the people in my life don’t get it. They say things like “it’s a blessing she’s gone”. I know people say this with good intentions, and I agree that it is a blessing that she’s no longer suffering. What is NOT a blessing, is the writhing pain that I feel when I think about the fact that she and I will never have another conversation, I’ll never get to hug her again, she’s really gone… forever.
My heart hurts in a way that I didn’t even know was possible. I lost a ton of weight, can’t sleep at night, I don’t even recognize myself.
Someone, please tell me that this pain will ease. I thought that by now I’d be okay, but I’m not. I don’t wish this pain on anyone. I just miss her more than words can explain. | 6 |
Got fired on my job 1 week ago | Damn, i hope i can be productive again and got new job. But damn, i'm to depressed and lazy. So many unlucks and my remaining money quickly "dissapears". | 2 |
I'm just looking to vent somewhere no one knows me | I haven't felt happiness for the longest time. Feel so dead inside. I don't know if i'll survive this time don't feel like fighting back don't have the energy anymore. I'm not looking for pitty nor encouraging words just wanted to vent. | 3 |
Why is it when I'm really sad I don't have an urge to cry but instead have a crappy, not sad feeling? | I can feel it all over me. Just tired, and a sense of when will I ever get to go back? What? Where? When? I just returned from a trip and I feel sad now that I'm back home... I have that feeling where i feel like im regretting something heavily but I don't regret anything! | 3 |
Im on the brink. Honestly don't know what comes next | I just want to start off by saying that I'm a 33 year old man that decided to live with his parents again because I don't want any sympathy when I say what I'm about to say. I need help.
The older I get the more I tend to notice that I'm not like most people, not in a "oh poor me" type of way but in tangible very noticeable type of way. I cannot learn things at the pace that most people learn or at least at a pace that doesn't make me look like I don't care about a specific thing or a task I'm trying to accomplish. I sometimes even use it as an excuse for myself when my introvertedness kicks in which is nearly all the time. I can't stand how much of an inconvenience this is at this point in my life since I'm at a point where in everything you do you and other people expect you to already know what to do in certain situations or when to do something to get something done when it's expected to be done. The consequences of this are never ending it seems, it ruins first impressions it ruins how people perceive you versus how you actually want to be perceived etc etc... I've always been the guy that everyone considers "the mentally slow guy" and it's honestly soul crushing; even my family trys to not mention it, but at this point in my life it's palpable how they truly feel about me. Disappointed and tired. I decided to leave the place I was living by myself for years because I honestly thought that if I stayed there any longer I would have killed myself. I cannot stress how true that statement is, i even had a plan on how to do it. That's the first time I've written that down for anyone but myself actually. Obviously my parents don't know that. Moving back in with them literally saved my life but it hasn't changed who or what I am. I just got a new job about 2 and a half months ago and people that had already been there for that long when I got there are literally light years ahead of me in terms of knowledge of the work place and how proficient they are day in and day out. It hurts me mentally and physically how obviously out classed I am by everyone there, it's not their fault, I actually wish them even more success then they already have or will ever get. I'm probably gonna get fired soon since this job demands people that are not like me. I HATE being like this, this person that can barely perceive social cues, that's more introverted than the actual word itself and is just slow to accomplish anything. I actually don't know how I was not diagnosed autistic when I was little but now that I think back... Anyway has anyone dealt or is dealing with something like this. Has anyone figured out how to evolve out of something like this? I would really like to read anyone's 2 cents about this. | 6 |
I don't know how emotions work anymore honestly. | Over the past few years, I've been having problems understanding my emotions, every time I should feel something other than sadness or embarrassment, I just feel empty (Its also worth mentioning that sadness is generally my default emotion, even before all of this).
No one takes me seriously because I put up this fasad, idk how to explain said facade without sounding egotistical, but you get what I mean. I just want to feel emotion and enjoy my youth...
If this helps, I'm male, 14, and have Asperger's Syndrome (ASD). I also have a ton of physical conditions that cause me to be in-and-out of the hospital alot, idk my last full week of school. | 2 |
I think I’m done, goodbye | null | 3 |
Valentine day | Well I'm fucking lonely this year ain't i | 3 |
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