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Just need to vent
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I have 12 silkie eggs and 6 lavender ameraucana eggs in the incubater. They are on day 18 and locked down but I am so nervous. So many things can go wrong and these eggs are not cheap at all. I also have some auggie puppies not ready for rehome. They are so cute but so much work. Then I have a ragamese about to give birth any day to ragamese kittens. And a British short hair breed with a Scottish Fold due soon after. I work from home so it is all manageable but it is so much anxiety. Financially it cost alot in vet bills and proper medicines and then sometimes I am up all night with the animals and call out the next day. Plus it's a never ending job caring for them all. Then there is the dreaded rehoming after I spend so much love and attention and I have to find the perfect fit not just the best fit. Then I got to make their adoption certificates with paw print signatures and print out photos and get rehoming bags ready 😖 plus a 40 hour work week plus home chores. Plus going to the Dr for my own issues.i know I'll feel better once the babies come.
| 2 |
Why do I bother? I just wanna be sick so don’t have to engage in the community ever again.?
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My disorders tell me that I should go out and make friends, it’s wrong to be indoors 24/7, the negatives of isolation is really bad. But my mind is very clever, I can tell it no, I am safe indoors I don’t need friends, they’ve caused me so many past problems. So why bother?
Ideally I would love a lifestyle that means that i never have to engage in the community then I would feel better.
As to me groups and activities, I don’t really care about, just hate them so much. They make me depressed and I feel so much safer indoors in my own company.
So, when finally I move to Suffolk in the coming weeks. I am gonna make my new room very mental health friendly. So I am in peace and quiet, so I don’t have engage or I have no reason to.
Plus I will make my room so beautiful and so aesthetically pleasing and engaging that it would be 100% hard to get back out and I can hide away in my safe sanctuary. Minus the humans!
Why bother with humans anyway, all they do is mess you around?
| 8 |
My friend has anxiety fits and nothing left to like in life, I only can be with her from a distance, how to keep being both genuine and helpful?
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hey there,
this sub is conveniently titled for what my (m31) good friend (f30) is living.
to sum up where I stand: we are currently separated by 2000 km in distance. After we have left University 10 years ago, I only have met her in person last month.
What I've seen definitely made me feel useless: she's dealing with anxiety fits of gut-wrenching violence, to herself and others alike, she is an alcoholic, her apartment is unkept, and while she was out of a long depression last October, nowadays it is coming back all over again.
Being put off by her daily life doesn't matter, I want to be her ally and to keep encouraging her, reading her messages, giving her my thoughts, trying to sort it all out until she feels in touch with herself. I would be *devastated* if I had to learn one day, that her sick liver stopped functioning and killed her, or that she's taken her own life (but as she puts it, she doesnt have the brass balls to do it).
I have never spiralled myself in such levels of self-destruction, and I think it can leave the impression that I am condescending in my words to her, simply because I cannot understand the mental hell she's in. All seems endless and dead to her, so anything that resembles self-improvement looks hypocrite at best.
She has various tangible life challenges thrown at her that she just can't bear to acknowledge (which facilitates the alcohol consumption too), one of them being, she will be evicted from her apartment next September, and needs to find another place. I am trying to offer solutions and advice, but I feel it throws her off that I look "like all the others" who tell her what to do, but don't feel what she feels. Her anxiety makes it so every little thing that bounces her off triggers a crisis, and every crisis is causing her a physical fatigue. So basically, she needs to talk her problems out, but the only way of solving them tangibly is... not involving her at all in the process? Which seems so idealistic... No one can be so dedicated to run her life for her.
To reformulate, I am afraid that ultimately she will accuse me of being patronizing, or of expecting results of her getting better, and that she will just start a fight with me and stop talking to me, instead of taking time to feel all the difficult emotions. She is also assumledly terrified I would abandon for she cannot just yet engage in whatever healthy-person topics that made us firiends in the first place, because she has abandon issues.
I reckon close persons have left her after being targeted too much by the violence of her crises. For that reason, I think being from a distance is a strength that can keep things from reaching any toxicity that she or I would regret. I want to do it right for her, to not be seen as some kind of basic normie who's only here to command her to get her shit together.
It is kind of hard walking on eggs and trying to not "trigger" her, but I have done that for my mother all the time, so it is not too frightening. What else can I do to keep our friendship intact through this turbulence of her life? And what else can I do to simply let her know that I love her and trust that she will love herself too?
thanks,
| 7 |
I feel unwanted
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I really do, because I can’t live up to what society wants. I’m not skinny and perfect, in fact I can’t lose weight. I don’t have a wife and kids and don’t want any, which says a lot at age 35. On top of that I’m autistic and feel like an outcast. Feeling unwanted and that I don’t belong.
Memories of being bullied come back to me whenever someone trolls me on YouTube or elsewhere. In my mind I feel like I’m being bullied by gorillas and laughed at by hyenas just for being me. The sad thing is I feel that I deserve it. Especially because I like animation and theme parks, which nowadays are geared strictly towards kids. I feel like a freak…
| 5 |
I had a scare today and I can't calm down
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I'm a delivery driver via gig apps. Today, on my first delivery, I was sent to a very questionable place and the whole thing was a bit scary. I was able to leave and return the order and I never saw any threatening people or anything so it's fine.
However, all day I've been so jumpy and shaky. It's over. It wasn't a big deal really. Why can't I let it go and calm the heck down?!
| 3 |
Trouble accepting/admitting if I have anxiety and depression
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Hi everyone. Wanted to see if anyone has had any experience with this situation. One of the hardest struggles for me is accepting the fact that I may have anxiety and depression. Since a lot of this is hard to quantify, I've always just assumed I must have mild cases and during the times when I was in therapy, I never truly felt comfortable with going into my situation in depth.
To me, it always feels like I shouldn't be feeling these thoughts, as I don't feel like I am struggling as hard as others when it comes to financial/health/relationships relatively speaking. As such, I should be grateful and any thoughts of admitting anxiety and depression is just me being ungrateful for my situation.
| 8 |
Looking for advice for staying motivated.
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Looking for advice. I have always had anxiety but have suffered with depression for a few years now. 2021 I got a great government job, good pay, benefits and flexible hours so I can pursue the family business. How ever at the end of that year I had what you could consider an existential crisis, lots, probably to much thinking, about existence and the point of life. Ever since then I have had a tremendous struggle with getting myself to actually work. I am on medication now and going to therapy, and my job is aware of the situation and being as accommodating as possible. However I am progressively more and more anxious about consequences of not showing up. I can barley wake up most mornings, or keep my house tidy. Let alone get work done. What can I do to actually get into work and be productive.
| 3 |
Lost my Job - now depressed
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Hi there, I am mid30 and I lost my new job couple of weeks ago. I worked for the company for 6 months, of which I stayed 2 months in hospital/ sick. After returning to the office - yet not 100% healthy - they fired me. It happened four weeks ago.
It was a huge career opportunity. It was a C-Level Advisor. But now it’s a fuck up.
Now I feel very depressed, sad and anxious, sometimes I think I lost my life or damaged my career irreparably.
I know I should be either reapplying or recovering. Instead I panic or I cry. Neither can I relax nor can I find energy to apply. The situation kills me and is a burden to my wife. Do you have advice how to get back on track step by step?
| 5 |
What would happen?
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What would happen if I told my psychiatrist I got my hands on a Valium prescription at some point and the effects were much clearer and had a lot more benefits than everything I’ve been prescribed the past year for my anxiety/depression/ptsd
If I tell them I “recreationally” took these benzos, which I actually did take for my anxiety just unprescribed, would they restrict me from every getting benzos? I feel like I’ve read that somewhere, can someone help
| 4 |
Need a mood boost with Wellbutrin
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Hello again friends! I am just starting week 3 on bupropion for anhedonia and adhd symptoms and i feel actually depressed. I know it takes 4-6 weeks to fully work, but i was wondering if anyone had any tips or meds that helped boost their mood and get them through this initial phase? I wanna stick it out but I’ve never felt depressed like this before and idk how I’ll last another 2-4 weeks like this.
For reference i was on 150 sr for the first 10 days but was crashing, so moved to 150 xl on day 3.
Thank you in advance!!!
| 5 |
Birthday blues?
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My bday is tomorrow & Tbh I’m not really feeling my birthday. I’m just sad that I ended this year of my life miserable and I’m starting the next feel the exact same. It makes me just wanna stay in bed and pretend it never happened. People keep asking me what I want and tbh all I want is to be happy. I can’t think of anything else. Nothing that anyone can actually give me. Idk. I just wish I could go back to when I was happy. I wish I could remember what it felt like to be happy. Instead I just function by trying to to feel like shit. I only feel nothing or miserable. There’s no happiness. Idk. Maybe I should be grateful that I’m still here.
| 2 |
A huge weight on my chest, a bad feeling
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I've been facing anxiety issues for a while...and I havent found a good coping mechanism to get over it and has resulted in pretty bad decisions..
I feel this huge weight on my chest pulling me down and its a sinking feeling tht comes n goes , one time it got so bad i distanced myself frm all social interactions , couldnt approach anyone and my empty mind felt like a devils workshop
I want to feel better but i dont understand what i can do to make this horrid feeling go away
| 5 |
My Long Story - sad, scared, and more (possible tw's)
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Hi, welcome, thanks for reading if you decide to - I'll try to make this short as possible, but there's a lot, even with some relevant things chopped out. I guess I'm hoping someone has had something of a similar experience who can offer hope, practical advice, commiseration, or even understanding. I'm posting in a few different related communities since even "formal" categories around this kinda stuff can be pretty murky/arbitrary/clinician dependent/etc. (yes I have a source ; Google "DSM heterogeneity" and you'll see several examples, notably Allsopp's).
Instead of a tl;dr, I'll start with where I'm at now in terms of feelings and build on that:
* After years of a constellation of minorly- and moderately-significant physical health problems eating at my soul and leaving me rather miserable about living (reduction in abilities, desires,social support, etc.), getting covid this December caused everything to ramp up. Over the course of the last few months, I've reached a point of feeling almost always extremely on edge, caused mostly by my own fear of "going crazy" that I feel is fuelled by my active imagination (not new, just the result) and the result of doing extensive reading into types, treatments, etc. of different psychological "conditions, informed by some trauma history and physical ailments. Lots of catastrophizing and believing in it (for that reason I ***strongly*** beg you to not leave any dismal, negative, horror-story type comments - this will fuel the fire real bad.) The trajectory of last weekend illustrates how all over the place it can be, although it's almost comically varied and is usually more focused!
* woke up day 1 feeling gross and worthless after a heavy talk with a friend with whom I've been getting kinda close and intimate, looking like things won't be progressing to relationship;
* after using some dating apps started tripping out on the profile photo faces, which made me feel like I'm crazy and lasted several hours;
* there was a shooting a few blocks away from me (which is a *very* unusual occurrence in this neighbourhood);
* day 2 my housemate is sick and has been liberally hanging out in and using common space all day while coughing and sneezing (despite my making it known in the past I'm higher risk for covid and asked everyone to do their best to stay on top of this shit) - I missed picked up a bakery order because I didn't want to cross paths with him;
* day 3 I felt oddly mentally "decent" but did not have a bowel movement (which is ***VERY unusual*** and scary for health reasons) so I spent a lot of "free" mental energy terrified the next day would be a horrible experience that would worsen my physical issues even more and put me in a hospital/diapers/colostomy/etc.
Read on for details...
Besides some jumpiness at certain stimuli (due to HSP traits), none of this was part of my existence before 2019. Late that year I experienced a still-unexplained (drugging?) brief and sudden episode of temporarily losing/slipping in and out of consciousness, feeling very tired and heavy, not being fully aware or in control, and extreme fear, which was mishandled by medics and police through involuntary overnight hospitalization. I was sedated and sent home the next day; nothing like that ever happened before or since. There was a period of a couple of weeks soon afterwards when I was house/pet sitting completely alone in a rural area, and I remember being so scared/sad of what had happened, that it might happen again (with no one around), that the pets would die, that someone would break in and take me away, and one time I heard an ambulance, my mind's eye imagined it closing in on me and being carted off. It was a horrifying time but surprisingly once the homeowners returned and I was consistently around people, almost all of that faded from my psyche (save for after seeing a triggering episode of a TV show over a half year later).
Enter covid. I'd endured some (now seemingly minor) struggles before the previous experience, and summer 2020 I asked a very trusted person about using cannabis to help chill out. I knew nothing about it and they totally screwed me and gave me something I only learned later had 8-10x the newbie amount of THC without any CBD to attenuate it. It obviously hit me super hard and instead of just relaxing I was having an experience that felt somewhat similar to the previously-described event, though this time there was some minor hallucination. Though I actually wasn't "having a bad time" *at the time*, after I was alone I started to feel sick and vomited, and was still intoxicated for **days** afterwards. I discovered the amount/type of cannabis I should've been given and felt shit that this person hadn't exercised caution in dosing me. I noticed I felt generally on edge sometimes afterward for no particular reason, that I also had some kind of dizzy/vertigo experiences looking at certain things, and thinking about this recent experience would agitate me. I also remember noticing it was now hard listening to people talk about mental issues as I would get this feeling like something within me would be revived/activated/etc. somehow from hearing about it.
Flash forward to about a year ago. Life in general had been rough with me struggling to socially reconnect in a new city I'd moved to (strictly to access physical health services to address some longstanding GI/CR issues, which btw are still not resolved), working a job I didn't care for, feeling depressed about it all+not getting any support after telling some close connections I was struggling. I remember around this point noticing I couldn't always do certain things I used to as easily; sometimes trying to read or listen to certain music would stress me out - like there was too much information on the page I couldn't focus, or there was so much to hear and process that it was exhausting (I'm a former musician so I always listened to music in a non-passive way). I also recall listening to a song I'd never heard and at one point the style totally changed and became "creepy" - this really freaked me out and I had to quit listening.
That said, at the time it was only my depressive stuff that ever weighed on me generally and got in the way of things at times. A lot of this was tied to my physical condition (GI/bowel stuff) and isolation, which would often cause me to think extensively about how pointless my existence was and how despite doing everything I was medically "supposed to" be doing, my state wasn't just not stable, it was gradually declining (which it has continued to do). Physically I was (and still am) overall rather capable most of the time, but I felt like garbage cause of it all. I reached out to close friends for support nearly a year ago, people I'd laughed and cried with, shared with, depended on and been depended on for important things mutually - no one showed up. I was gradually getting more and more sick of trying.
However, after I got covid for the first time early this past December, things went to another level.
My city previously ran a voluntary isolation centre where you could stay if sick. My roommates all went when they had it before so I tried to contact them to stay - I ended up not being eligible due to the diagnosis delay, but I remember just before calling feeling that familiar fear - "*they're going to take me away*" - though it faded almost immediately and didn't recur. But the bigger change was a couple of weeks after first getting sick (which was only overall mild-moderate). I was on video call (first one in a long while) with a newer friend who's fairly facially expressive. Only *after* the call in remembering the conversation did my mind's eye decide to do something weird that it'd never done - in an exaggerated, cartoonish way (think Ren & Stimpy), I randomly imagined the facial features of my friend becoming distorted. I skew toward hyperphantasia (I can imagine things in really good detail, especially visual and auditory things) so it was disturbing even though it was not a hallucination. Like, I was *really* unsettled by it. I kept thinking about it, imagining it, feeling worse and more scared, thinking about other faces in the same way - I tried to watch a movie some days after but had to quit cause I just kept imagining similar things.
After a while the fear shifted - I happened upon the blog of someone living with extreme CFS/ME and after going through several posts, became convinced that I was on track to develop it. I was going to be bedridden, "eating" through a tube, unable to look at or listen to anything. I was super aware of stimuli and thought every thing I perceived was slowly wearing down my defenses, leading to this inevitability. I could still do most things but if I remembered the fear my mind would often get stuck, sometimes leading to not being able to fully mentally stay with whatever I was doing.
This focus kind of levelled out after a couple of weeks, going back more to the previous, but seemingly milder. At this time I started doing a lot of research into how I might be able to help myself, starting with the long covid subreddit where people talked about drugs and supplements. Since medication isn't so readily available to me, I focused on herbal things, which led to a lot of reading and using my mind which I felt in itself was very beneficial - when my mind was engaged like that, there was no space for the weird, intrusive imagery and fearful cyclic thinking that followed. After coming to the conclusion that since even professional stances on herbs wasn't consistent enough for me to bother using my money and time, I switched my focus to medication, which led to learning about all the history of and dodgy practices that industry engages in and is a minefield all of its own.
After about a month of this there was another shift; something (good) happened which caused my mind to go back to an old (bad) intrusive memory/thought pattern and this almost completely replaced the other stuff. It was almost like someone had flipped a switch. I think now I felt "better" overall because even though the mental processes were similar, I was just feeling shame and guilt about the stuff my mind couldn't let go of instead of intense dread and adrenaline. Still, the shift was so prominent that during my research, I could be reading about pretty serious "scary" mental conditions without really being affected by the content.
It would turn out that learning all these details would bite me in the ass though - sure enough, things shifted back and for nearly the last month, have been worse than ever - all those details about other "disorders" I learned about before? Apparently stored in my mind to be retrieved and fuel the fire. I never knew about the specific indicators of paranoia or schizophrenia or whatever other thing, but now I do - and I may remember them randomly, and super quickly think things like "what if I start experiencing that?!", or "what if I *AM* experiencing that?!", which has turned into having thoughts in times of panic (ie. almost always lol) in line with some of those things - *which I don't actually* ***believe*** \- and then me thinking "oh fuck shit I'm paranoid/psychotic/whatever". This is on top of the whole facial thing, which is still there and bad as ever...but not all of the time. And much worse when looking at pictures/in situations where I'm not actually engaging my mind, or with a real person. Usually it hits me once the interaction is over, when I'll just start imagining things overly-realistically, spinning my wheels about it, bringing in other things, etc. Heart rate often jumps, feel like doing anything is going to either bring on these states or will become an associative trigger (what I call a new connection to a negative thought/state is forged with something totally unrelated because I was reminded/triggered at a time when both were present). I often don't even feel good or safe while doing nothing, but it's easier to do nothing than something when things are like this.
So yeah, I'm terrified I will, have begun to, or have already lost my mind. I still can at times engage my mind to a point where almost all of this garbage nearly disappears, but it keeps getting harder, lasting less time, and is possible with fewer things. My GP has been trying to connect me with counselling and/or psychiatry for almost a fucking year and nothing has come of it. She doesn't want to prescribe me anything other than benzos (which are not to be taken lightly and I've only used tiny amounts of on a couple of occasions...did it help? Am I worse now because of them?!) cause she feels my case is too complex for her and she is soon leaving her practice and transferring patients. We've also both talked about the unfortunate fact that psychotropic medication generally has a pretty bad response rate and can lead to brutal side effects, some of which are permanent. I don't work so can't pay out the nose for an ongoing pro. I managed to connect to a short-term community therapist (initially to work on the "other" issue I mentioned) but we only have another 7 sessions and I don't know if her approach/methods fit me/what I'm dealing with, which makes me want to quit while I'm ahead so as to avoid any potential worsening or re-traumatization.
I feel so bad most of the time lately that I just want to stop existing. Doing any of the kinds of things that used to help when feeling not great, for any reasons, just feel so much harder off the bat, and like they don't help as much as they used to if at all, and that I don't want any more associative triggers but like doing nothing all the time is also not helping...so I am just left stuck, feeling hopeless and helpless. If you read through all of this, I seriously appreciate it. If you don't share much or enough of the experience to offer any practical takes but want to leave some kind words, I would appreciate it too.
Thanks again for your time. I sincerely hope you and I and everyone has a better day. ⛅
| 1 |
I have my a levels in 3 weeks and I’ve lost my revision
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I have my a level history exam in 3 weeks and I spent around 40 hours making revision resources which are really good, I used them in December to revise for a mock and now I can’t find them anywhere, I have turned my house inside out and have looked everywhere I can think of, my anxiety is getting the better of me and I have had multiple panic attacks and breakdowns over what I am going to do, I have nothing, no revision at all and don’t have time to make new ones. I think I’ll probably kill myself before the exam
| 3 |
Does anyone else feel that if it's not one thing, it's the other.
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I have both anxiety and depression. Not diagnosed, but I can feel it. It's very painful, and it has been ruining my life.
My anxiety and depression is in a near constant tug of war. It's rarely 50/50. Anxiety comes in phases. I might be an uncaring champ for a week, only to be a complete mess for 2 weeks. While depression is different every day. Some days I might get a lot done, other days I get nothing done.
If depression is down, anxiety spikes. If anxiety is low, depression can reach dangerous levels.
Lately, I've been taking steps in helping my depression. By taking more risks that I believe would help me. I want to get back to studying this year and actually achieve my dream that I let go off in highschool. I'm getting my sight tested and new glasses next month and gonna be able to see for the first time in 10 years. I'm gonna go to the movies for the first time in 5 years. I've been talking more with my mother and grandmother. Simply having plans feels surprisingly nice. I get things done in my home more than once a month.
But holy shit has anxiety spiked lately. All these plans has put the brain in ultra danger mode, telling me that everything will go wrong, you'll be hurt and disappointed, you're better off in the safety of your home. And so depression shows its ugly rear, asking what the point is, everything will go wrong anyway. That ugly shit reminds me that I need to keep pushing.
I've gotten enough motivation lately that I'm THIS (!) close to calling a therapist to get a hold of this anxiety, because this shit is unbearable. Ironically enough, what's holding me back from calling is anxiety...
Sorry for the long story and the weird tone. I've slept like 6 hours these past 2 days ahaha.
| 22 |
Feeling depressed/anxious when things are going well? Also trouble with opening up to therapist.
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Everything is going really well in my life right now, and I have a lot of good things planned for the future, and yet I feel like I’ve been depressed and anxious lately despite these things. I wanted to tell my therapist about how I’m feeling and I kind of did, but I didn’t go too much into it, and I also think I might have some OCD and issues around food and body image but I’ve been too nervous and embarrassed to talk about these things. I feel like I should talk about them since that’s what therapy is for, but can’t get myself to say what I mean to say. I don’t know if I should try to find a different therapist or wait and see if I get more comfortable later on.
| 6 |
I accepted ANOTHER job offer I didn’t wanted cuz it was nice to have someone think of me.
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I posted here almost two years ago telling a similar story https://www.reddit.com/r/AnxietyDepression/comments/q8uu20/i_accepted_a_job_offer_i_didnt_wanted_cuz_it_was/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
But basically a teacher offered me a job helping him out on his business. I didn’t feel prepared for it, but I took it cuz he said he really wanted my help.
It went well but unfortunately his business didn’t work out and in the end it closed. Now he was hired by OG music pros and he once again offered me a job.
I was super flattered, but also overwhelmed haha, it’s like going from shooting hoops in your backyard to going to play next to Michael Jordan. I DO NOT feel ready for this.
But we just had our first rehearsal, and although I had I slight case of diarrhea (always happens when I’m anxious) at the beginning of the rehearsal, it actually went pretty good and I feel very happy about today. I’m not super confident but definitely getting better, and I hope this gets to be something awesome :)
But I said yes. We had our first rehearsal
| 3 |
Any one else having bedtime anxiety?
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So, my sleeping problems started about three days before my senior year of high school started. I was perfectly fine and then everything just hit the fan overnight.
Now, every day when I lay down to go to bed (at 8, I’m very picky) I lay there for at least two hours and, if I’m lucky, I’ll drift in and out until midnight. But after midnight, I am awake. I lay there, eyes closed, not moving and just wait. It kills.
All I can think about is that I will be one of the people who peaked in high school, and I hated high school. My future feels like such a dead end these days.
| 2 |
How do I talk to friends/family about having anxiety and depression?
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I have not been diagnosed with anxiety or depression but for many years I have had somewhat frequent panic attacks and my whole life I have always been extremely anxious about things most people aren’t. I am currently in college and since the start of this school year I have had really bad moments of sadness that I just can’t shake even though there’s nothing really wrong in my life. I have been isolating myself emotionally from people because I don’t know how to talk to them. I just always feel like all my close friends and family are also going through stuff and I don’t want to burden them with my problems. I thought I would just be able to get through things on my own but it’s only gotten worse and I don’t know what do anymore.
I’ve had issues with alcohol throughout college and as I have been getting worse, every time I drink I either blackout or almost blackout and the nights I don’t drink, I’m getting so high that I can’t process any of my thoughts. I’ve had friends mention my alcohol and weed problems but I always dismiss them because I don’t want to get into it. I feel like I’m letting people down and I want to talk to my friends but I just don’t know how to go about it and I don’t want to ruin how they see me. For the first time in my life I have a best friend who also sees me as her best friend, so she is the one I would go to but my anxiety keeps telling me that if I do she will leave me because I’m too much.
| 1 |
i need help
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currently in a psychiatric ward against my will and they're treating me for psychotic depression with risperidone. i already felt a lot better the day after i had a crisis, but they didn't want to release me yet. so now i'm being forced to take this awful medication that is known to cause withdrawal symptoms. i've taken it now for a week intermittently (spat it out a few times) so ofc i'm now concerned about withdrawal, because i want to get released asap. i experience no symptoms regarding my initial diagnosis. i honestly was just fed up, in a crisis and wanted help. now i regret it and am worried. 1 week is not a long time - if talk with my psychiatrist about it, is it possible that i can come off of it without withdrawal? i'm really freaking scared rn tbh. should i just refuse/spit it out and wait for my release? or keep taking it (i don't feel like myself on it, extremely sleepy and i have no appetite) please help!
edit: i've been taking 2mg risperidone. 1mg in the morning, second 1mg at night.
| 3 |
Major life changes
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Hello,
For background. Been on Lexapro for a few years. Intrusive thoughts linger. Got put on prozac and the time it took my body to adjust was awful. In-between the same transition I moved in with my girlfriend. I am 40, work full time. I was living with my mom and step dad because that was the only place I felt comfortable. It was familiar and a safety net. Nothing bad could ever happen in my home with my dog.
I moved in with my girlfriend. Had to leave my dog with my parents. Her apartment has a 2 pet limit and she already has 2 cats. One which took to me right away the other one is very particular which is fine. Been here for about 2 weeks now and the mornings are horrible. My drive to work is just filled with negativity, intrusive thoughts that my dog doesn't love me, or I am just making the worse mistake of my life.
I know things will be alright, I have a doctor's appointment later this week to talk about maybe upping my prozac level. It isn't fair to my girl friend that I feel this way. It just feels like I am making a huge mistake. But, holy shit I am tired of feeling trapped even with meds. I need and want to live my life.
Shits bogus.
| 9 |
Second guessing myself if taking meds are a good idea
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March was a really shitty month for me. I was having a lot of trouble sleeping, where I would sleep 8-9 hrs but I would be so restless that I would wake up feeling exhausted. I also have trouble going back to bed in the morning even when I’m tired. On top of that I do have inattentive ADHD which I’m not medicated for. I figured it was most likely anxiety induced, which was just manifesting in my sleep.
It came to a point where I disassociated a little too much driving a blew through a red light and almost crashed. I don’t know if it was exhaustion from not sleeping well, or maybe I was just super stressed about the upcoming trip I was going on the next day, but it scared me.
So after that, I scheduled a sleep study and a psych appointment to hopefully get to the bottom of this. My psych appointment was quick, and she suggested I retry Wellbutrin (I had taken it as a teen previously). My sleep study results should be coming back soon but sleep apnea was negative- which backs up my assumption of most of my sleep issues. I don’t really know what the sleep doc is going to suggest, but I’m guessing he’s just going to suggest managing my anxiety.
The Wellbutrin makes me feel bleh. I’ve only been on ot for a few days but it raises my heart rate and makes me more anxious. Honestly, now that I think about it I’m even second guessing even wanting to be on medication.
I don’t really like to be dependent on drugs. The trail of finding the right drug is long and expensive too. I feel like it’s silly to be talking it if I only have issues at night sleeping. But at the same time, if it is my anxiety making my sleep awful, then maybe I should continue? Or is there meds that I can take before bed that won’t affect me during the day? Idk this whole thing is confusing.
| 2 |
30M - 8 stressors are panicking me out. Please Help...
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Thanks for reading my post.
Sorry that I'm cross posting the same thing in a couple of different Reddit 's but I'm panicking quite hard at the moment.
I'm fighting off panic attacks off and on.
On my page you can learn more about my struggles with anxiety and depression. But in short. I'm born with a generalized anxiety disorder that turns my life into a hell. I've been having cognitive behavioral therapy since age 9. Have had many therapists and tried different approaches (treating it like hypersensitivity, avoidant personality disorder, autism, etc.). Since age 13 I'm using medication to help to cope with my feelings. After many different combinations I ended up using:
300 mg venlafaxine
450 mg wellbutrin
0,5mg aripiprazol
0-2mg lorazepam
(Beside that I have omeprazol, levothyroxine, vitamine d)
I'm stressing out at the moment because life is so hard.
1. My father battled cancer for a fifth time. Luckily he made it through another surgery and is free for the moment. In June he will have a new scan and blood test hoping it stays away. 9 years ago he had coloncancer, after that 2 times liver metastasis and three years ago pancreatic cancer. This last tumor was unsure. It wasn't colon metastasis, and looked a bit like pancreas but it wasn't aggressive or something. Anyways, after 8 heavy chemo rounds they were comfortable cutting it out in surgery. But because of adhesions of previous operations they couldn't reach it. Instead the surgeon and radiologist decided to burn it away with MVA radiation. He's back home now and picking up life. But yeah, it's quite a mental blow aswel.
2. Right before the surgery our cat died. He was only 6,5 years old and had brain tumor. I can't give it a place to rest. I can't accept it. And it freaks me out. Our other cat his sister has changed and is more relaxed and sweet. Which gives a double feeling aswel. We never thought he was so dominant.
3. A year ago I met a girl over Reddit. And we hit it off. I felt for her things I never felt before and told her so. Things looked quite good. And that a beautiful friendship would flourish. Unfortunately her borderline personality disorder kicked in hard and she ghosted me. Leaving me behind with all these questions. I feel awful. Because of my anxiety and depression I have a lot of self hatred already, and find it hard to open up myself for anyone. And this is just a major blow to the head. I don't know what the reason was Her best friend bluntly said something that 'they' didn't see any fruitful purpose in our friendship anymore. And that best friend suggested me to seek a therapist, go out more and workout. Which is such an assault to me, because it's not that easy for someone with such heavy anxiety. So it made me spiral down more and more.
4. I have such vivid ideation with dead. For years I wanted to join club 27. But I failed because I have no legacy. Next week I turn 31. I still live at home with my parents because I'm too unstable, don't have a proper job, or any money to buy my own place. Last week I was in my studio with my best friend and was just having panic attacks so severe that we had to go home.
5. He is my best friend ever since we were 12. A couple of months ago he fell in love with a woman from Australia and thinks about migrating to Perth.
There's so much going on in my life. And a lot of things I have zero impact upon. I feel I can't catch my breath and I'm freaking out and panicking. I'm back on Lorazepam to calm down.
I don't know what to do. I feel like losing my mind. That I get such a severe panic attack that I will get caught in it. And can't escape it. That I will be stuck on the toilet for the rest of my life. Because my anxiety makes me throw up. It's awful. I feel so sick. And like nothing will ever get better. That I will never find a way to cope with this. That I can't deal with reality. The reality of someday losing my parents my other cat. Being left behind and alone.
I just wish my life was over and that I was put out of this misery. I don't have any goals to achieve. No countries to visit or things to chase. I just wanted to be loved and create a legacy. That my life wasn't empty. That it was of use and inspiring for anyone else.
I don't know what steps to take to calm down more and get back some hope.
6. I hate myself. I feel like a burden for everyone around me. I try to change things around. Live healthier, exercise more, but it's not working.
7. Since a month I'm trying Neurofeedback to adjust my brain. The therapist is very positive about the results. And so was I but with this setback I'm scared. What if we unravel parts of my brain's function that will only increase my suffering instead of help me cope.
8. Next week it's my birthday like I said. So these days make me put things in perspective aswel. Especially how much struggles, how much surviving, and missing out on living. How I fail to make something out of it.
These 8 pointers are really freaking me out.
Hopefully somebody can help me calm down.
| 2 |
I literally feel like I am drowning
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I just had the worst day yesterday. I watched my friend almost die, and my other friend disappeared for hours. And I have college finals starting this week and I literally am about to fail my class, but I can't study I can't focus. My anxiety has been horrific today, and I feel like sinking deeper into the void. I felt like I have been sinking, but now it feels worst than ever. How can I stop this I want to feel normal again.
| 3 |
How Do I Know If I'm Transitioning from Anxiety to Depression
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I have suffered from anxiety for the past 4 years. But lately, even though my anxiety is not showing, I have been feeling a lot of mind confusion, sadness, willing to cry and completely stuck in my life. Some of those thoughts sometimes wander into feeling myself unworthy of life and everything would be easier if I wasn't here. Now please don't mistake that for wanting to do something bad, I don't, but I am afraid that maybe this is signs of depression? It makes me afraid to be honest. How do I know? Thank you for your time.
| 8 |
How much longer
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How much longer do I have to suffer?
| 10 |
Need advice: Husband having ?panic attacks for the first time.
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Hi everyone, I hope you’re all doing well today. I’m really worried about my husband and I don’t know what to do.
I have anxiety and have had panic attacks before but it’s been years and I’ve learnt to manage myself. My husband has always been very happy-go-lucky until very recently.
He told me that he was getting tightness in his chest, was very restless and had this feeling of impending doom. He has lost two days of work because of it and he just seems to have lost his spark. Sometimes I look at him and can just see worry in his eyes. It sounds like panic attacks to me but even though I have been through it myself, I just don’t know how to help him.
When it happens I just hug him and let him speak to me. He also says he can’t figure out what’s triggered it (though I have an idea or two). I’ve suggested seeing a doctor on several occasions but he is hesitant. He comes from a background of “we dont talk about our issues and just get on with it”.
I’d so appreciate any advice anyone might have. Thanks in advance.
| 3 |
Noise sensitivity
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Wow. On a work trip and we were bussed around because we were a large group.
After touring a factory all day, we were put on party busses w 15 ppl each to go to dinner, about 30 min away. I was in a solo seat, but the noise of everyone chattering was UNBEARABLE. I should have brought my headphones. Do noisy settings set you off? My anxiety was 100.
| 10 |
I always need a break
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I always feel like I need a break. But I don’t even do anything to need a break from. I just do nothing
| 2 |
Do dark movies/tv shows trigger or “remind” you of your anxiety/depression?
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After watching **Beef**, I was reminded about my depression, after having such a long positive run.
I sort of felt it activate again, like switch.
*this is familiar and this is comfortable*
*Dead Ringers* did it for me too.
BEFORE either of these shows, I swear I was managing well.
I remember I was the same with **Melancholia**
| 6 |
Herbal remedies/alternatives to prescription medication
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Hi!
I've been going through this really bad depressive episode and its been on and off for a while. I have really bad mood swings that result in really difficult highs and lows. I'm unable to get medicated at the moment but I'd appreciate if anyone had that "lifesaver" suggestion. I'm not a tea person and I'm currently trying Ashwagandha but my depression and anxiety combo make it a lot more intense while the Ashwagandha tends to just make you feel at ease rather than lessening the intensity of negative emotions entirely. I was recommended 5-HTP as well if anyone has any thoughts on that. Any input would be appreciated and considered. (:
Thank you.
| 1 |
Flawed system
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I'm finding it so hard to mesh with my doctor anymore I've had so much this year alone take my mental health to breaking point. 2 PTSD attacks and I'm still getting no change in meds , just wait listed for a psych and told well you're here, it can't be that bad.
I feel like they almost push you to a point of wanting you to make "that bad choice" just to see the seriousness of the way you feel.
| 5 |
Wellbutrin insomnia
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I’ve been on Celexa for over 10 years, and even at the highest dose, it’s just not working well anymore for my anxiety. So my dr prescribed Wellbutrin with intention of weaning me off the Celexa until I’m on Wellbutrin only. It’s working great and I’m happy with it except I’m having the worst insomnia. For the past 4/5 night I e woken up anywhere between midnight and 3am and it takes me a good two hours to fall back asleep, if at all. Last night, I woke up at 2am and never fell back asleep. Gonna be a long day! Any tips until my body (hopefully) gets used to the Wellbutrin? I. Am. So. Exhausted.
| 3 |
I wish I was normal
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I wish I thought and acted like everyone else. I wish I could socialize like everyone else. Even if it takes away my character, my personality, I wish I could be the stereotypical high schooler everyone imagines when they think of one. Loud, annoying, sociable. I was so amped for this year, I really thought it would be better, but a month and a half of school are left and I’ve no new friends at all. I know others feel like this and many have probably made peace with it. I’ve accepted the fact I most likely won’t make any friends at all. But deep down I really wish I did. I hate the fact people don’t approach me because I look reserved, or because they think quiet kids want to be alone, but I’m so deprived of human interaction I value people just sitting next to me. Someone I’ve never talked to asked me for a charger a few days ago and I’ve been riding that high for a while now. I can only hope this changes when I get older, because I can’t imagine working a job or living day to day afraid of speaking to anyone, constantly overthinking and I can’t even describe my mental state right now, just that I hate what it’s like and I feel like I’m teetering on the edge. I can’t put everything I’m feeling into words. But everything is going wrong and I can’t fix any of it. I wish I had control over every aspect of my being
| 9 |
Are there any meds that treat mixed anxiety depression especially well?
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I know that anxiety and depression both tend to be treated nowadays with SSRIs as the first option and that there are some drugs which are really only good for depression (e.g. Wellbutrin) and others that are mostly only of benefit to anxiety (eg Pregalbin).
Are there any meds, however, that were specifically intended to alleviate both depression and anxiety for patients with this common dual diagnosis?
| 3 |
Emptiness feeling with all friendships
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I have noticed that with friendships I feel empty. I can hang out with someone and feel comfortable but feel like something is missing kind of an empty feeling. There are people who i think are cool and want to be friends with but who i feel on complete edge around with feeling like being judged/thinking they don't like me and have their own friends and then theres people i feel comfortable with but feel like i could leave them and be fine not being friends with them. I don't know if i feel the conversations are superficial or that they don't understand me or if it is a thing about pushing away when people are close to me and i actually connect with them and feel comfortable around them. The people who don't care about me i tend to care about more and like it that way. I have a friend who keeps making excuses on catching up and i haven't seen her in over a year but i still felt so comfortable and happy around her and felt she understand my mental health even though she didn't really ever care about me, and the guy i was friends with who i had a crush on who committed suicide was very depressed so couldn't really focus on me or was there for me, but with a friend I have who really cares about me and is always there for me i feel like i could stop being friends with them and wouldn't care... i even wonder if this impacted the relationship with my ex who i broke up with a week ago over not feeling any romantic love for and would feel quite empty when he held my hand or kissed me and felt nothing. Anyone relate to this?
| 2 |
Help me help myself
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I’ve had a fucked life, ngl I don’t see it because It’s normal to me but I see other people and get jealous.
Firstly my dads a smackhead which has always been Hard but it’s been hitting me really hard lately.
My mums a horder so it’s hard to live with that with out getting upset but she’s the best human ever.
My best friend died in an accident and that completely fucked me up and I’ve not been the same since
I’m a wannabe musician and that’s all I’ve ever dreamed about but sometimes I feel like I’m never going to do anything and I look at my peers in class who find listening and concentrating so easy and I think it’s unfair
I’m getting tested for adhd and I’ve tried some meds by using my friends and honestly they’re the only thing that’s ever helped me with all my problems. But I don’t get my assessment for another 4 months and honestly I’m struggling so much atm that I don’t know if I’ll last that long
I’ve done some horrible things and I cheated on my girlfriend once and it’s destroying me I can’t escape the guilt shame and pain of what I’ve done. I cheated on her with my best friend and I thought we were just friends but she didn’t think that and I know I could’ve stopped it but I didn’t I’m not strong enough
Her boyfriend is also my other best friends brother so that’s caused issues
She knows and it honestly breaks my heart each time we talk about it because she’s so upset which is understandable
I then found out my step brother committed suicide which made me get in contact with my dad again. I’m also unsure how to feel because of it
I’m constantly scared and really paranoid and have images of something bad happening all the time for example I was walking down a street and thought I was gunna get robbed and that my girlfriend would be taken advantage of and I wouldn’t be able to do anything it’s horrible
I don’t know what to do anymore I wish I was a better person
I wish I didn’t feel dreadful
I wish I was normal
I wish I had a real dad who saw that kids and family are better than a needle in the arm
Thanks for reading if anyone does
| 5 |
I’m F34 dating M37 for 8 months—I’m afraid he’s now seeing how dark & insecure I am—I don’t want to lose him, but this hurts to try
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I’ve been keeping up this facade of a generally put together & cheerful person, but I think that the real me is coming through:
- insecure
- shamed of
- nervous
- indecisive
- introverted
I shouldn’t have hidden so much of myself but I didn’t want to scare him away
It’s been almost 7 years since my last relationship.
I’ve waited so long for a decent person—who is flawed as well, but not as much as me—I just can’t bare to lose him
**Yet, the anxiety of losing him is so painful lately, I don’t think I’m cut out to be in a relationship**
| 10 |
WTF at the clinic (a rant)
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Today I had to go to the clinic for a physical examination and a UA, for a new job, but I really know what I am there for besides my job told me to. Well, I filled out all the forms - online, ahead of time - as instructed. When I arrived, I was asked to fill out another one, okay, nbd. Then asked to wait for a text to fill out a questionnaire... okay... no text came. So they give me another set of forms: all the exact same shit I filled out online. So I start to get upset, but take a moment and tell myself it's okay, then fill out the forms, hand them in, and wait. So a man calls my name and tells me to come with him, I do. We go back to a room and he's not saying anything to me, just doing his thing, whatever. He tells me to put all my stuff in a box and go piss in a cup. Cool. So I return, deliver the cup, and sit down. He says " do you feel better?" I'm like "huh? Yeah..." He says "good, that's what we like to see." I say jokingly, "what? People feeling better?" Because it's a clinic, duh. He is just like "yeah"
So he asks me what's my birthday, I tell him and it turns out all the forms he got are wrong, then he asks if I go by "Tim." I say "No, Who's Tim?" So I start thinking about what a fucking joke this place is and he asks me something else and I wasn't listening so I asked him to repeat himself, and he says "did you have a long night?" (WTF??) So I tell him I'm just frustrated about the forms and he says that's understandable. So that's all taken care of and it's time for the physical. This guy says "are you ready?" (I still don't really know what I'm doing here, like this isn't a regular thing for me to be doing.) So I get up and ask if I should bring my stuff that was in the box, and he's like "yeah, you don't want to leave it here, do ya?" So he's being a smart ass, now? So I very plainly tell him that I don't know the procedure, I just came to the address I was given. We go down the hall to a scale, he turns it on and tells me to get on. I ask, "with all my stuff, and my boots?" He says, "Yeah, I'll just subtract a few pounds." Alright, whatever...
After the weighing and measuring, we go to a room where I'm supposed to meet with a doctor and he has me sit on the table to wait, then before he leaves he's like "I get that you're frustrated, but you don't need to take it out on us." I ask, "What? What did I do?" And he says that I've been very rude. (I don't remember the words he used, but implied that I'm being abusive or something) I say nothing, then the doctor comes in and takes my blood pressure and pulse, and they are through the roof now. So the doctor is like worried that I'm going to die any minute.
Anyways, whole experience was shit, but especially this dude who doesn't know how to communicate worth a damn, and when I try to explain that I don't know what he wants from me, accuses me of being inappropriate. So, WTF.
tl;dr - clinic sucks, people suck, I ask for basic instructions and better communication, and get told that I'm a dick.
| 5 |
Medication doesn't work
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Medication doesn't work, i have most of the anxiety fixed ,just a few other things I have to work on, but it comes back hard when I get the wave of depression I keep gett8ng for no reason, im not sure what's left to do, I've tried 3 different types of medication and didn't doses, it works for about 2 weeks and then goes back into withdrawal
| 3 |
Trauma location
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Does anyone else get this? I feel sick and anxious and depressed whenever I come home from uni. Panic sets up in my chest and I can’t get rid of it.
| 6 |
Dissociating constantly and getting really angry randomly
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I know I’m suppressing my emotions and not feeling my feelings so it’s coming out in different ways but I don’t even know what’s bothering me anymore. I get in these states where I want to say fuck it and cut everyone out of my life quit my job and just disappear. Im not at the point where I typically start suicidal ideation and planning. But All my stupid little methods for calming myself my therapist made me write out aren’t working. Im supposed to get medication soon. In like a week. I don’t know how im going to make it till then. Im either just floating through existing numbing it all out or on the verge of a panic attack. I feel like I can’t enjoy anything. Im actively hurting my relationships because people stress me out generally and at the moment they make it a lot worse.
Realistically what can I do. To reset my body or at least just keep me functional till I get meds.
| 5 |
Anxiety Triggers, how to cope?
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I have anxiety triggers to certain things e.g, my girlfriends house and possibly my own house. These are 2 of many triggers. The reason i believe these things trigger me is because i feel i have drug induced anxiety. I did drugs and went to back to my girls house fucked up then her dad took me home. About a month or two after, i feel i have gruelling anxiety that is triggered at hers. Also anxious most of the day worrying about if different parts of my body are failing or if i will die because of any damage done caused by the drugs. The drugs were cocaine, MDMA and ketamine all in one over the space of a few hours. I am not asking for a diagnosis, i just wonder if there are any people here who could help me control the feelings of anxiety i experience and how to chill out. I get palpitations, shortness of breath, chest tightness and more. I did think these were a heart attack so i even got that checked on an ECG which came back as fine.
Edit: i forgot to mention, i am unsure as to wether this is 100% anxiety or not as i’m not certain if a one time use of 3 mdma pills and about 15 lines of C&K mixed can cause anxiety etc. i’m not sure wether it is anxiety i am experiencing or wether it is panic attacks or maybe even paranoia. Sometimes i feel like i am not real and i’m in inside a game.
| 3 |
How do you get through a major anxiety crisis?
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Going through one right now. I’m in major distress. I need it to stop.
I feel like I just want to be asleep so I’m not experiencing these negative thoughts and feelings. Intrusive thoughts are driving me crazy. Anyone got any distraction ideas?
Tips for intrusive thoughts? They send me into a major panic. I feel so, so alone right now. This condition is awful and I’m really struggling to cope. I feel so alone
| 6 |
What advice would you give 16 year old girl struggling with Major Depression due to severe child abuse and emotional neglect?
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My daughter recently spent time in a Psychiatric Hospital due to self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and she ran away from home. I got custody of her recently, prior it was just visitations for 2 years, before that we had never met. She suffers from severe PTSD, ADHD, MDD and Anxiety. Her mom and stepdad abused her about as bad as anyone could be abused. Her mom even wound up in jail for it. I've read books, have her in Therapy, and my wife and I have a pretty quiet home, two children, 3 dogs, and honestly I am not sure how to guide her as none of us have ever lived through anything remotely close to her trauma.
If anyone has recovered from childhood trauma, could you please share some advice on how to cope with it? How to put your mind at ease when things trigger you? How do you regulate your impulsively?
She struggles with emotionally connecting with family, what can she or I do to help with this?
| 4 |
I don’t feel myself
| null | 4 |
Please, Help!
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I have been feeling down and don’t wanna do anything, I feel stuck into my head and thoughts, I tried to get myself out of it but I couldn’t, I’m in university i have study to do. “I have anxiety & depression”.
| 5 |
Facility for Anxiety/Depression/Alcohol
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Looking for a facility for treatment of severe depression and anxiety and self medication by alcohol.
Best would be in Chicago area but anywhere in Illinois or even Wisconsin. We are desperate to help family member. Would love to know of a facility that changed your life.Thanks.
| 2 |
I feel like I’m dying, burst out of skin, does anyone else feel this way?
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I don’t know what to do, I’m in fight or flight constantly, either screaming and crying over my mistakes, or dissociating to the point of unable to move, bathing constantly as a distraction, writhing around in bed unable to stand being in my body, pacing, banging my head on walls, until I see stars, unable to barely eat or drink, the constant feeling that my brain is squeezing, the I want to crawl out of my skin, that my teeth just want to burst out, my speech is slow with long pauses, I can’t think or read anything (can’t focus), can’t keep up with supplements, can’t care for my kids (am traumatizing them), can’t shop, pay bills, focus on bank account, can’t socialize, when at work I hide in back rooms and yell if I can get away with it. My body often feels like it’s just shutting down. At home (actually my ex’s since I can’t live on my own) I just lay on the couch and zone to tv when not doing the other things. My kids are sad, angry, and traumatized. Basically my behavior is abusive in that they should not be exposed to such extreme mental illness. My daughter tried to comfort me and my son is abusive towards me (just like his dad) physically, verbally and emotionally. I have no respect from them anymore, and I don’t blame them, why would I? I’m pathetic. I just need to vent and get it out there before I eventually die (I keep looking up psychogenic death) (a body can’t take this level of constant stress) or get locked away. (It’s happened twice, but wasn’t useful. I don’t know if it’s hormones (menopause), years of abuse by ex adding up, years of mistakes adding up, but I feel Ike giving up.
| 2 |
Considering medication
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TW: domestic violence
I feel that I have had anxiety my whole life and I often feel like i could be depressed as well. I feel that my relationship with my boyfriend makes these worse sometimes because it has been emotional and physically abusive at times. I am considering talking to a dr about taking medication but I wonder if staying in my relationship/living with my boyfriend will contradict it? Or would it still be beneficial? Idk. I feel like I’ve been this way my whole life and sometimes question do i even have a problem or is this just who i am ): idk
| 3 |
DAE sometimes think...why NOT just take benzos / drink / other drugs for relief?
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Like, sometimes I just think...why am I STILL suffering for 40 YEARS of constant anxiety, fear, emptiness, boredom and depression?
Why NOT just take pills or drugs to relax? Yes, addiction. But is that worse than THIS endless torment and misery?
| 17 |
I’ve been feeling more depressed
|
Currently in my last couple of weeks of college classes, and I feel like an outsider. Everyone has their clicks and friends. I feel like I make more acquaintances than friends. Like I’m only talk to if they need something or else I feel like that. Everyone’s talks about boy trouble and I’m kind of tired about it. No one likes me romantically. I feel like a nuisance.
| 2 |
I am freaking out and spiraling out of control
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I am 37 years old and I recently just got let go from probably the best job I j ad. I didn't realize how adly I'm screwed until I tried to get another job. I can't get unemployment and none of the jobs can cover my expenses. I have a ton of student debt and I don't know how I'm going to recover from it. My room mates are not renewing their lease so I have to find people to replace them otherwise I'm going to be shelling out 3x my rent.
I am struggling and all the avenues for jobs have been exhausted. I did manage to find a job and it's less for doing more.i don't know how I'm going to go on. I feel that as soon as I get one issue worked out something else goes wrong. I feel if I screw this up I'll have nothing left. I'm too old to not have something I can depend on. Nobody wants to help me and it's looking pretty bleak for me.
| 3 |
Someone help me
|
I feel so lonely and dead inside
I guess I deserve it
So lost in life rn can’t even cry I want to but I can’t
| 11 |
Going through anxiety disorder
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Im 15 and im currently in my freshman year and a week ago on monday i was working in a open feild and from that i got a phobia of the sky feeling like im going to float up in the sky and a couple days later i started getting really anxious and then on Sunday we went to the mall amd i kept thunking of feeling dizzy and having a seizure even though im not epileptic and from there i had a huge panic attack and i went to go get blood work and the doctor and everything came out fine
But i kept getting panic attacks and gotten very anxious and I always feel dizzy since I always think about feeling dizzy and my phobia of falling into the sky doesn’t help either I started going to therapy yesterday and ive been feeling much hetter but still very anxious at times and dizzy too and i feel like im going to die i also have derpersonalizarion and im also scared of depression and self harm is there any tips to clam down and things that i can do to reduce anxiety?
Sorry grammar is not my thing
| 3 |
need me some advice pls , F(22) , BF (22)
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I know y'all probably have seen such titles before, but I am feeling devastated. Me and my boyfriend met on Novemeber,**2022**. We initially met online (on Discord) got to know each other, then he confessed his feelings to me. It was all rainbows and unicorns, we got into little to no arguments at all until I suddenly got continuous panic attacks which then led to me developing Thanatophobia ( fear of death ). It only makes sense for someone with an insane fear of death to develop hypochondria, and start questioning each and every body sensation they feel because they're always convinced they are dying. As my fear of death got worse, I developed major physical symptoms that had no medical interpretation whatsoever; I couldn't sleep for 72 hours because my lungs were on fire and I couldn't breathe whether I was sitting or standing, I was dizzy all the time, nauseous, didn't eat or drink, my limbs felt non-existent,...etc.. ( i had over 30 symptoms and listing them all right now feels pointless). I'd get weird pains then rush to the hospital at 5 a.m. thinking im having a stroke or that my body is collapsing on me. I am not going to lie, he stood by my side through it all, but as my physical health got better he assumed that my mental health followingly got better as well when in reality it was getting worse because I was going crazy from all them unexplainable symptoms I been getting. Before this all starts, I'd shower him with love, care, and attention. But, as I got progressively worse, I just couldn't even provide these stuff as much as I used to, and then he'd think that he's the problem and get insecure over me not doing stuff with him that I used to enjoy doing before. I tried to explain it's my anxiety, OCD, and panic disorder that are making me so unfocused and less caring and that its not really my intention. He tried to understand, but as I got worse, I started getting annoyed at him whenever I felt a little bubble of anger inside of me. I continuously felt I was going to die soon, so I attempted to leave him multiple times so he doesn't have to stay with a living corpse, I am not going to lie I said some miserable sh\*t like: "I hate this relationship" , "I hate you". When in reality, I meant none of this, I love him so much and I felt miserable having him deal with my sh\*t. Little did I know, what I said left a scar on him, he did not care about my intentions when I said the stuff I said, he genuinely got hurt. The boat went from carrying one broken gal, to carrying two broken people. I tried to make up for it multiple times using gifts (gift giving is my love language), trying to reassure him I adore him, and I genuinely meant it. I love him, I really do. ***\*Note that I said these stuff when I had stopped my SSRIs cold turkey because I could no longer fund them and withdrawal symptoms were already messing up with my brain\*.*** I also would get defensive whenever he points out a flaw in me, or something wrong that I make and he'd get mad at that, which is understandable, but I didn't know this was wrong and I fixed it and changed my mindset. He attempted to break up with me 3 times because of the things listed above, and I'd try to win him back every time because I genuinely love him. We met 2 days ago, he held my hands, i felt happy but on the contrary he felt nothing as he said..I then talked to him about it, he said that he loves me but his heart is angry at me. I talked to him, told him the past is past, I could make up for it, I truly love you, this is not me scared of being lonely, ive been lonely my whole life, I genuinely love you...I really want to win him back, I know the easiest option is to drop the whole thing and let everyone be, but I do want to fight for him..
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Lost
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I recently started a new job and I got sick so I missed days of work I'm worried I'll be fired. I'm just panicking I love this job and really need it struggling financially. I don't know what to do. I was supposed to see my psychologist but I was sick and couldn't. I tried calling to reschedule nobody ever answers and they don't have a voice-mail. Everything just seems like it's falling apart in my life.
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Struggling to open up
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How did everyone overcome that obsticle? I have BPD and I can open up so well over text but when it comes to in person, I'm always lost for words and can never get anything out. It's making my partner feel like I'm scared of him or something but I'm not scared of him, I just go completely blank when he wants to talk in person
| 2 |
I’m a terrible person and it’s all because of my anxiety and depression (TW for mention of suicide attempts)
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I’ve ruined the lives of everyone who’s ever been close to me. My brain is so fucked up, I wish I wasn’t like this. I’ve probably traumatized my sister for life with my panic attacks…I don’t mean regular crying and hyperventilating panic attacks, I’m talking full on psychotic panic attacks where I scream and have literally no control over what I’m doing, like I’m possessed or some shit. She’s gonna be just as fucked up as me, and it’s all my fault.
My first suicide attempt was on my dad’s birthday and he brings it up all the time, I feel awful about it. He says I did it on his birthday on purpose but I swear to god I didn’t, I wasn’t thinking about what day it was. He talks about how I’ve ruined his life with my self harm and suicide attempts…
My mom is an amazing mom, but my suicide attempts were because of her and my dad not accepting me as a trans boy. When I admitted this it made her really upset even though I was trying not to upset her…I fucked her up, too. I ruined everything. My family was just a happy upper middle class family before I came along, I hate myself for causing so much misery among my family.
I ruined everything. I should’ve never been born. I’m a horrible person. I don’t understand how my parents still like me—when I ask they say things like “you’re a great artist, you love animals, you’re so funny” but I barely draw anymore because I’m always burnt out, even Hitler loved his dog, and I don’t even understand humor no matter how hard I try and for every “funny” joke I make, I make one that fails horribly. I genuinely don’t understand how anybody can tolerate me.
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Detox from SSRI’s possibly?
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I’ve dealt with panic attacks, depression, anxiety for over half of my 32 year life. I recently weened myself off of Wellbutrin and switched over to Vilazodone. I had been on vilazodone for nearly 4 weeks and didn’t like how it was making me feel so for 3 days I weened and just said screw it. It’s been over a week now and my body has that “sore to touch” feel everywhere and every since I’ve stopped my Wellbutrin I’m completely exhausted all
of the time now…. Can anyone or late? I’m well aware of how stupid it was to just stop taking my medication the way I did, but I didn’t like how it was making me feel or think.
Thanks for your time
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Emptiness
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Sadness turns to anger, anger turns back to sadness, turns to emptiness. I feel so lonely. Recovery is difficult. I want to throw in the towel and just quit.
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Don’t want to be well
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Hi
I know this sounds strange but I look forward to those days when I am really unwell with my mental health. I feel just normal, when things are healthy normal for me and Im just well enough to look for work. I secretly miss the days when I am not great.
Don’t get me wrong, I hated the time when I was in hospital in medical ward. But I hate being in situations where things are too plain, mundane, boring that I take whatever nootropics, pills anything I can find so I don’t feel this anymore.
I would happily trade in a week or two of some actual illness like BP1/2 anything so I can feel my sicknesssy normal.
I hate when I am healthy, it feels great at first, but nothing happens! I present as someone whose fed up bored but not unwell.
I’m not someone who takes recovery seriously anyway unless I am in a productive situation that warrants it.
But if I had a choice between looking for work, it’s not even hard! Why worry! Or being long term sick I would a sickness everyday of the week.
So long as I don’t have turn up anywhere, that’s perfect to me
| 8 |
Our beliefs shape ourselves
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Living with anxiety and depression can be overwhelming, and it can be challenging to maintain a positive outlook on life when struggling with these conditions. However, it is possible to cope with anxiety and depression while also believing that our belief system influences our life. (As a believer of the power of manifesting)
Seeking professional help from a mental health professional, practicing self-care, challenging negative beliefs, and finding a supportive community are essential steps to take. Additionally, understanding the power of our belief system and how it shapes our experiences can be a valuable tool in managing anxiety and depression.
Our beliefs shape our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, and when we believe in our ability to cope with challenging situations, we are more likely to manage stress and overcome obstacles. Therefore, it's essential to cultivate a positive belief system that supports our mental and emotional well-being.
I know it's not easy and most of the time the first step is the hardest, it's overwhelming but we can do it slowly. [Try reading and watching some motivational practices and understand ourselves first more than anything.](https://youtu.be/P984GikNAJI)
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Am I depressed or just lazy?
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I can’t get myself to get out of bed some days. I neglect my work and I especially neglect my relationships. I’m in college and I recently got diagnosed with depression and anxiety and ever since then these behaviors have gotten worse. I think it’s because I try to give myself grace because I know I’m struggling but on the other hand I feel like I’m using my mental health as an excuse for not being productive. I can’t differentiate between what is my illness and what is me making excuses to get out of doing things I don’t want to do. I feel so guilty and I am mad at myself all the time because I should just be able to get up and do it but I just don’t. I’m having a large internal struggle. Any advice is welcome
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Wall of text vent because I need some emotional release as I think through my inner child I suppose.
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I think that I'm starting to feel anxious again. I have trouble keeping track of time and honestly, I don't know if I want to because I feel like I'd stress out even more. Recently, I've been thinking about how I grew up and I feel like everything I did was for validation. Either from my parents, grandparents, peers, teachers, friends. Everything. I am such a people-pleaser it makes me nauseous. I feel like the only real part of me is this part that is so negative and self-deprecating but even then, that feels fake because my life isn't even that bad to be so depressed. I used to think I didn't have anxiety because I wouldn't get things like panic attacks, but really now that I think about it. I got used to doing things anyways even through feeling anxious about it all.
All of these feelings of anxiety always had been because I'd be so stressed out about standing in front of people and performing in front of a crowd of people and fear that messing it up would only be met with scorn by my parents or disappointment. And the funny thing is, even after worrying myself and stressing myself out, there would always be some sort of mistake that I'd make out of worrying that I'd make a mistake. I would worry and stress out so much about messing up, that I would mess up because my mind was not focused on the task in the moment, but on worrying and stressing out about the consquences if I was not "perfect".
My role in my mother's life was to be the child through which she projected all her hopes and dreams on. While she cared for me, it always felt conditional even if it wasn't. Everything was done for her approval, or for her to be able show off that she had such a great child. She would pretend to be humble, but honestly, at home, she'd be like "you are so much better than some of the other kids. It's because I raised you right." Raised me right? Sure I was obedient, but I had no mind of my own. My stress and worry about the things you made me do made me put up a facade as a "better-than-you" person and I developed an inferiority and superiority complex all at once.
I was a braggart, yet always fearing that I would be shown up by someone. I still remember the first time in 4th grade. I was no longer at the top of the class, and I was 2nd or 3rd place in an exam. I was so upset. I felt like the world came crashing down. And it was so stupid to be stressed out about it too now that I think about it. I had only 7 points deducted from 100. Only 3 or 4 points lower than the top-scorers in the class. But when I got home, I got what I expected. I was asked why I didn't do better. I had always been told that I wasn't as smart, clever, or quick-witted as other children. And this proved that. Even now, I'm being told that the things I'm trying to do are out of my league by my parents. I am so tired. I tried to make up for my stupidity by sleeping less and spending more time studying, but I could only do that for so long before I burned out. I managed to hold on until the pandemic, when all of my discipline broke down and I was so burnt out, that even when I tried to attend classes through zoom on my phone since I couldn't get out of bed, all I could do was zone out. My self-worth only got worse and worse.
I just want to vent and rant. I know that there are many things that are my fault and things that I did to myself, but I wonder if I had been raised differently without being controlled so often, that I'd be able to not be a people-pleaser and find my path in life and not be so lost? Not be so depressed that the thought of suicide as a way out crosses my mind every day? Yet I can't tell you. I can't tell you because you don't listen. You'd talk over me or victimize yourself saying that you're depressed too. But can't you see? There are things that you brought upon yourself too? You have also damaged this family. Our family was never functional in the first place, but there are things that you shouldn't have done, even with how much the marriage was dysfunctional.
Since I was young, I had always been the therapist for your marriage. Nothing was good enough. Every moment spent together alone as a family was always filled with bickering which devolved in passive-aggressive statements or full-blown arguments, with me there to witness and hear all of them. The walls are thin in our house you know? Even when I walked away and shut the door, I could always still hear you two argue. I wonder if you understand or know how much you've damaged me. You cared, but not in the way I needed.
I don't think I could hate you for all the things you've done because I believe you only wanted good things for me. But I still bear resentment and a weariness from hearing all the complaints you have about each other, even after decades of marriage.
I wonder. I really wonder what my childhood would have been like if I had parents with a functional relationship. A parent who didn't isolate us from one entire side of the family and decided to isolate themselves from the only side we had left. A parent that didn't always find fault in other family members all the time. Maybe then, I wouldn't have isolated myself. I find myself doubting so much of other people's motives all the time when they try to do something nice for me that I end up refusing their offers at all. I hate receiving from others, yet at the same time, I want their attention. I hate having to owe something, even though I expect others to owe me something in return. I am a ball of contradictions and I feel more and more torn about what is real about me every day.
Even the days that were supposed to be happy. Days like going to the beach. Going to a wedding. Going to a theme park. Having a birthday celebration. Those were always filled with arguing. I heard it all. I was a first-row witness to it all. It turned what was supposed to be a fun day into something that I eventually avoided or disliked doing that I refused to do. Now every year, I don't care about my birthday anymore. I prefer to forget about it because all that happens is father purchases a cake, you want to take pictures of me in front of the cake, then get into an argument because you don't like the shirt or dress or pants I wear. Then you complain about each other as I wait for you to be done arguing and getting mad at each other so that you take the goddamn picture so I can smile with no joy in my heart and be done with the photo.
Every year, the same thing repeats. I am so sick of it. I hate taking pictures. I hate having people taking pictures of me because all it meant was that I put on a fake smile for the camera. I still resisted being in photos with my friends up until a point because I wasn't happy. Only after they've stayed by my side for years, and we became best friends, did I become okay with them taking pictures of me. Because in those photos, I could actually bear to be happy and really be joyful in the moment. When I look back on these photos as opposed to some other older ones, I feel like I can see a difference between them.
I'm really pouring my heart into this aren't I? When I was younger, I used to try to act like your perfect doll so often and went up to perform on stage even though I hated it. I absolutely hated it. I had bad stage fright but I withstood it to please you. I would always become so stressed and worried that I would fall sick with something before the day of the event, and then get better just enough to sing/act in a play/read scripture/perform music do all these things on a stage. It stressed me out enough to do these things that I would always be ill before the time of the event, yet I would be convinced to do these things anyways "for you." You made me out to be some kind of child prodigy or when I was not. And once I started failing in college, you would lie to other people in your life to hide this shame in your life. Me. I'm sorry that I can't live up to those expectations anymore. I have nothing worth making money off of. I've always been as stupid as you said. I can't do anything for myself after all. This is what you've always told me. That my sibling is more independent than I am, and that I always asked for help without trying. Do you ever think it's because you've always coddled me? You never let me do anything on my own so I resorted to always asking you for help or permission? From that point onward, after you told me that, I just started trying to solve everythign by myself. And when I fail to solve things by myself, it would verify that I'm really the dumbass you thought I was. That I'm incapable of doing anything by myself.
At some point, I didn't tell you anything anymore except shallow ass shit because if I told you something, you'd use it against me or you'd embellish and tell your friends about things that weren't true to live a lie. Then you'd expect me to live up to that shit. Or you would reprimand me for it.
Remember that one time you wanted me to paint a realistic 36 in x 48 in picture of Pope Francis as a 14 year old? And I tried really hard on it and then you said it didn't look like him but looked like the previous pope? What were expecting from a 14 year old? A world-class painting worth millions with his exact-likeness on there? Then you ended up bringing it to show off to other people anyways. Like make up your goddamn mind. Am I talentless or full of talent. Because at this point, I really feel like I have no worth left and youre clinging onto the remnants of talent that the child I was, had.
I'm so sorry that I've become agitated. But you know, when I think about the things that went awry in my life, and how now I have to solve it all by myself because I dont have support/cant afford it except for some understanding online friends who are in a similar state of mind, I get frustrated. I don't know what to do and feel lost most of the time. I keep trying but it feels like nothing is working. I will continue to try but damn if I don't laugh or giggle at every suicide or depression meme because I am a few steps away from offing myself every day, and the only thing that is stopping me is me not wanting to be a more of a burden and a bother to all the people in my life like my irl friends. My online friends are also important to me because sometimes, the words I say like "welcome home" are some of the only things that bring a little comfort to their rough day. Stupid of me maybe, but honestly, helping people and seeing their worth and potential is one of the only things I can do. I might not be able to physically there for them, but I can treat them with sincerity, something I would've liked in my life as a child with dysfunctional parents and extended family. I wonder what will set me off to finally attempt to kill myself. It's funny to play this game, because I've only been crying to relieve my tendencies and relieve emotions but I still remember when I was so close and planning to do it already. I wonder when.
I barely have the willpower to hang on and religious guilt is holding me back from going down the sewer slide too. Recently I've been thinking about God more, and isn't that a sign that I'm about to just give up haha. I keep on trying only to fill a leaking cup. I cant think straight anymore most of the time. My mind rambles and rambles.
Anyways, if someone actually read this immense wall of text that i've put out into the universe. Thank you for spending time doing so. It helps to know that someone was willing to listen to this mess of a mind. I hope your life improves significantly, or at the very least, may good fortune come your way, be it in the way of a free ice cream, your favorite weather, a nice home-cooked meal, or a day with reprieve from the worst of your thoughts and beliefs. May you be well.
| 4 |
Effexor xr
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Effexor xr
Just got prescribed Effexor xr for anxiety is it worth trying?been seeing all the bad experiences people have had.I know everyone is different
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I need help
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I (M) 20 was bullied like all my childhood and and school life, got sexually assaulted by a man like when I was like 12 or 13 year old, Never had many friends but a few who kinda accepted me for who I am, I'm so mentally scarred that I can't even see someone's eyes while talking with them.
Whenever I talk with someone I feel scared.
I never had any therapy on my traumas
I never revealed anything to my parent or my friends about my abuses.
My school life was a literal hell for me there was constant bullying which made me self loathe and made me uncomfortable in my own skin.
Some even said straight to my face that I'm different and I'm ugly.
Some teachers don't even acknowledge me and call me by names I don't like to hear.
I just can't even socialize with anyone without being scared of them judging me or harming me. later my father passed away when I was 17 it was a huge blow for me and left a hole for me and my family, my family was always supportive of me and I just didn't say anything I'm facing just because they will be worried about me and I don't know why but people sympathized for that and somehow treated me better later and I finished High school and
Joined college later where I thought I can have a fresh start in my life but those traumas and mental scars are still holding me back and I can't even have a small conversations with anyone it still scares me. I made friends here but I don't know whether they think me as friend.
I moved from my home to a college dorm last year and the roommates are initially was good to me but later they just don't even consider me as a person I felt hurt.
They even made group chats before with me later deleted the group and made a new group without me which I saw them texting plans and leaving me alone but I never confront them about it and they have done it multiple times. I feel surrounded by college mates but I
Feel alone.
Can anyone help me how can I tackle this loneliness and my trauma.
I even had sucidal thoughts but I'm just living for my sisters and my mom's sake.
Help me I feel invisible among these people.
I don't understand what should I do to be accepted.
Help me
| 4 |
I am pretty sure i am just having panic attacks but my family thinks it may be something more
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Hi everyone, this may not be the right place to post this but i just need outside opinions from people who deal with anxiety frequently.
i have always thought i had general anxiety but for the last several months I've been getting these random episodes of intense fear but with nothing on my mind, i don't fear scared of anything, but i suddenly get lightheaded, stomach aches, and sometimes my vision blurs. My face turns bright red and i feel extremely warm even when i was cold right before. The thing is my heartrate is usually not high and stays about the same, i also feel a heavy weight all around my body and the whole episode lasts only about 30 seconds but afterwards i am exausted for the rest of the day..
I have always thought that it is just a panic attack but after describing it to my sister she thinks it may be a medical condition, while i think its a anxiety related thing, i just wondered if any of you have similar symptoms in panic attacks or if i should go to the doctor and get checked out. Side note, i have friends who do have what i consider actual panic attacks and what i get seems quite different from what they experience, although i will admit i don't know much about anxiety and thats why I'm posting here.
Thanks for reading i'll answer any questions you may have in the comments
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Hopefully someone finds this useful
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Found this website that sells giant 2m plush creatures that you can wrap their arms around you and its supposed to feel like a hug and calm you. Thinking of getting one myself.
Www.snuglugs.com
| 13 |
Day 8 Wellbutrin
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Just finishing up day 8 of Wellbutrin and i already wanna opt out. I either need a push to quit or reassurance to stick with it. I’m at an emotional plateau and i hate it here. If i have to do another three weeks like this … i don’t see me lasting.
How long will it take for this to get out of my system?
| 2 |
Extreme anxiety
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34 male here. This is going to be a long one
So:
6 years ago, I was abroad for work and decided to move back to my home country. A few months later, while attending a class I had my first ever panic attack.
Had a few more,during class so since I didn't know what to do I dropped out. I was freaked out, didn't know what was it all about and what was about to come.
Next step, focused on job interviews. I would always feel a bit of stress in my life when having interviews but I used to manage with ease and thrive . After a couple interviews I have a severe panic attack on the third.
Saw a therapist for the first time.helped a bit.Felt good. Got a job.
Couple months later, stress hits me again out of the blue. This time shaky hands. Then gut issues. Chronic diarrhea, fear I would shit myself and stomach aches.
This resulted to me going to the bathroom several times each morning before work , just to make sure. Everyday diarrhea. Causes me painful hemorrhoids.
Quit my job. Fear, depression, anxiety....felt useless.
Huge panic attack while riding motorcycle. Almost died.
Went to psychiatrist for the first time. Xanax, librax and antidepressants prescribed.
Felt a tiny bit better,but still suffer.
Managed enough courage to get part time job. First year was an everyday uphill battle. My stomach would hurt. Diarrhea 5-6 times each morning anxiety during work, fear of shiting in my pants, hemorrhoid pain.
Started working out consistently.Cardio and weights.
2nd year at part time job. Feeling better. Cutting down the meds. Stopped Xanax and librax. Only antidepressants. Feeling better and better but still long way to go.
Stopped sleeping around, started a serious relationship.
Switching to a new full time job. Back to Xanax for a while. Struggling but managing a bit.
Stopped Xanax again.
Now: almost a year in new job. Gradually stopped all the meds. I have taken up boxing and I continue to lift weights. But my symptoms are back and getting worse.
I am afraid I am going back to extreme suffering and to medication again.
Have tried all the self help I could find.
I am a 6foot2 man with a six pack and big muscles. I am in incredible shape, good looking, successful with women and respected by men.
Financially I am doing ok I guess. No major problems in my life.
Yet I can't relax. I can't face my day to day without trying my best not to break down. I feel like my issues have turned me to a coward who is trying to avoid conflict and confrontation even when necessary. I was NOT like this.
I have never felt like quiting. I keep going but I am getting tired. It's been six years now.
I don't know what else I could do.
Has anyone managed to get to where he was before??
| 4 |
Caffeine overdose on Halloween night caused me to have anxiety disorder
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Caffeine overdose on Halloween night caused me to have anxiety disorder
So to start from the beginning prior to Halloween night I was sick the week before no caffeine and really no food so come that Monday which was Halloween I returned to work feeling good went about my day as usual got me a ghost energy drink and probably had a couple diet cokes.Fast forward to about 8:30 that night I took my pre workout which is 400 mg and was on my to the gym nothing seemed off felt regular hyped up listening to music even got there and used the restroom.Well this is where things got bad I started doing my shoulder workout listening to music as usual when I got a weird hot sensation which is not common for me on my first couple sets so I shrug it off but then start feeling dizzy I keep trying to get it together but at this point I’m zoning in and out of it to the point where I almost fell with the dumbells I immediately left and got in my car and this is where things got bad for me at this point my hearts racing I keep zoning in and out driving back to my house which is not to close so I’m panicking because at this point my body’s numb meaning I feel like I’m losing feelings in my legs which also causes me to panic even more I eventually get to my house and try to calm down but my body goes completely cold and I feel like I’m going to pass out so my grandma has to drive me to the emergency room where they said I overdosed on caffeine I was giving a pill and eventually after a couple hours everything was back to normal even returned to work the morning like nothing happened this lasted about a couple weeks then I started getting palpitations which I’ve never gotten before and my heart my racing constantly
So I dealt with that all through November followed by 2 panic attacks but come December is when things got even worse to where i was in constant panic and nervousness couldn’t even hear a knock at the door without getting supper panicky I got prescribed lexapro which I didnt take long because of the side effects I was out of work for a month before I finally was able to function a little better so fast forward from January until now I’ve tried 2 more anxiety meds that have not worked even got my test levels done and had to start trt but still almost six months later dealing with constant anxiety derealization and physical symptoms like palpitations and feeling hot and sweaty.Hard to believe that the caffeine overdose caused my anxiety mind you I’ve never had no mental health issues prior.Still hopefull have a doctors appointment this week gonna give some new meds a go hopefully.
| 1 |
HELP doctors appointment!!
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I 16f living in south Australia had a kinda heated conversation with my mum and after like an hour plus I got her to put a doctors appointment in at a old clinic we used to go to over 1 hour and 40 minutes away I’m going there to try and get a diagnosis or prescription for depression/anxiety I’ve been kinda unhappy since I was 10 my depression has worsened at some points but has other wise just been consistent with having no want to do anything I have no desire to be clean or clean my room it’s literally so gross it’s been this messy since the second we moved to where we are now. When I reached 13 that’s when my anxiety appeared and it hit HARD for two years I didn’t leave the house more then 10 times. When I turned 14 it all was just to much so I stopped going to school as well I haven’t been back since. My anxiety comes in the form of a tummy ache and a general sense of total annihilation for stepping outside it effects my stomach greatly and i often feel as tho I have food poisoning times 10 I also just have an unbearable weight on my chest that I can physically feel my heart beats so hard sometimes it hurts my doctors appointment is on this coming Sunday now recently I’ve been going outside for maybe an hour a day when I can be bothered brushing my hair and getting dressed now all I do is I’ll go sit on a bench near by or under this palm tree that’s directly across the street I feel like if I say this the doctor will Completely disregard everything else as of right now writing this I feel sick like I have food poisoning and have the weight on my chest now describing it how I am does it no justice to just how horrible it makes me feel. With my depression I also am scared if I say I SH then they will make me get undressed and have to look at the scares it’s been about 4 months since the last time. Now I’ve been to the doctors before in the the first two years I didn’t go out out of the ten times I went to see a doctor bc the school made the appointment with my mum for me to go now on that appointment my doctor was a man now that just generally made me slightly more uncomfortable but nothing I wasn’t already feeling just being there now at this appointment I lied saying I was fine and that I had no “dark thoughts” when in facts even back then tho it has worsened I was thinking of kms even back then this is gonna be a bit confusing but I felt nothing and everything at the same time like I wanted to leave the earth but also didn’t feel anything. I also lied bc my mum was in the room and didn’t want her to hear/know what was in my head I’m also nervous bc the doctor I saw had an accent and it was hard for me to understand him and I had to ask my mum at one point what he said bc I didn’t know so if I leave my mum in the room she could help with understanding the doctor but make me more uncomfortable with being truthful bc shes in the room all the docotrs i can see are men so I can’t ask for a different one and if it’s not the same doctor as last time and I can understand him better then its how do I ask or say I don’t want my mum in the room with me while I speak so does anyone know or have any experience with what I should expect???
| 2 |
About Suicide(and Murder)
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No one Truly wants death, becauSe Death don't exist ontologically. People want peace, and they think through killing someone (theirselves) they Will be capable of stoping their Pain. Death is an illusion. Suicide is an Illusion.
In my POV, We need to prevent suicide, by helping ALL of those who are struggling.
We need to treat them First. And really really heal his Depression, Anxiety and other disorders. If after that, the waiter wants death anyway, let them do Legal Euthanasia(which is improbable). Because Then It Will be a choice, Depression and Anxiety are both a fog on the brain, and both two needs Therapy(psychoterapy) and Drugs(medicine). And they need to be treatened on the spiritual side too, even If It seems to be "Placebo Effect" or "Confirmatory bias", Spiritual side Matters.
You Can DM me if you need to, I'm always open-hearted
| 7 |
Does nicotine affects your anxiety?
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I have been into vaping with nicotine (around 9/18mg) and I am wondering if I should stop it.
I believe there might be a relationship between nicotine and anxiety that probably can vary depending on individual factors such as the dose and method of nicotine use, as well as pre-existing anxiety conditions maybe.
My question is, personally, does nicotine affects your anxiety and should I stop vaping? Thanks
| 2 |
Sometimes knowing the source helps
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Fear can be a very powerful and debilitating emotion, and it can be hard to know how to deal with it. But by understanding where our fear is coming from, we can start to take steps to overcome it.
The key is to approach your fear with curiosity and compassion, rather than trying to suppress or ignore it. By understanding where your fear comes from, you can take steps to overcome it and live a more fulfilling life.
On most days, I'm more afraid and nervous than ever but always knowing where my fear is coming from (social anxiety most of the time) really helps me to overcome it since I know the source.
[I hope this also helps out some of you here.](https://youtu.be/P984GikNAJI)
| 3 |
Crying and puking?
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Recently I’ve been going through ALOT. In 2 months I’ve lost 17 lbs, my engagement, almost failed out of school, had to move out of my bedroom, and I started antidepressants. Among all these great things… I’ve also developed the very annoying crying that leads to vomiting. I can’t control it. It pisses me off. It is really just too much. Does this happen to anyone else??
| 6 |
Dunno
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Was thinking about how it feels like there is no such things as forever love. Iike that feeling of someone loves you and wants to be there for you forever, no matter what..doesn’t even exist because people leave. Friendships end, relationships end..even parents never really knew how to love you right and make you feel loved, safe and cared for. Just feels lonely sometimes feeling like your only real friend in the world sometimes is yourself..and that’s all you got…is yourself. Wish I could have someone to share it with is all. I mean if you think about marriage vows..I think there’s a reason for the “to love and to hold till death so you part” bc I think it’s human nature to want to mate for life. To have a person, people who are there for you for life. Maybe I’m not so much fucked up as my post industrial western society. Maybe we were meant to live and die in the arms of friends, family and community..yet here I am feeling completely disconnected from people around me feeling as though there was never any such thing as love bc love is supposed to last forever.
| 5 |
Frustrated
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I think I just have to rant a bit. I am just so tired of trying so damn hard to be okay. I don't get it, why do I have to try so hard to just be normal. I am not even striving to be amazing or anything. I just want to get back to where I started at from before I got depressed. And I also don't want to keep doing a million things just to be fine. I mean maybe I remember it wrong. Maybe I was never really doing good, and I have just built up the time before my depression into something it was not. Maybe I don't really know what normal feels like. And maybe I don't know what being depresses feels like. Anytime I feel even a little off, I instantly think this is it I am getting depressed again. I can't live my life like that, always waiting for something bad to happen. I don't know how to deal with this and I am tired.
| 14 |
Panic attack help!
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Never in my whole life have I felt or had anxiety, up until the last 9 months, out of no where I get really intense panic attacks. I think they’re panic attacks? It definitely comes after smoking but they really just come randomly. My heart beats out of my chest and I feel like I can’t talk or even function properly and nothing helps other than laying down with a fan on my face and cold water. I feel unfamiliar with my surroundings while being in my own bedroom, the house I’ve lived in since I was born. Is this just me? And if you can relate, HOWWWW do you cope with it?! Will it ever go away???
| 3 |
Please help me
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200mg sertraline for 1y.
Hello, I've been taking sertraline for the past 2 years, initially beginning on 50mg and quickly moving to 100mg and subsequently to 150mg and 200mg (3 or 4 month period between increasing doses). From the get go i didn't experience any notable positive effects and in fact according to my daily journal I've become evermore more forgetful (this is quite concerning). My day to day mood has become ciclical, il oughten forget what I'm doing and think everithing is going well, but once a month (ish) i hit a stage where i feel extremely tired and unmotivated and unable to fulfill mondane tasks (getting out of bed is a challange). Is this to be expected?
I'm actually really worried with my memory, i used to remember (through images) most things but now everything is a haze, is this normal?
I've reported to my GP my experiences and he has suggested trying out Fluoxetine but I'm doubtfoul of the benefits.
Has anyone got any suggestion s9 on how to move forward?
Edit: i have attended public therapy sessions with limeted positive effects.
| 2 |
Anxiety living in an apartment
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I know this might sound weird.
I’m living in my own apartment for the first time, and while it’s really nice new building and I don’t hear my neighbors when inside my unit, the doors are pretty thin and I can hear people walking in the hallway and ruining the elevator button throughout the day….
I am suffering from a period of very high anxiety the past year due to other life stresses (work, etc.) and I’m really sensitive these days.
I’m just having an overall feeling of background anxiety all the time, and I think it’s due to my living situation. For some reason, I haven’t really been able to ever feel truly relaxed in my apartment and it’s taking a toll on my health.
I constantly feel on edge tbh.
I haven’t gotten used to sharing a hallway or being reminded that I’m living surrounded by other people every day. For some reason, I just can’t feel fully relaxed and it doesn’t feel like a true home. And every time I want to go out, having to take an elevator and go to a parking garage, passing other strangers/people, etc.
I kind of hate typing this out as a don’t want this to sound like I am some spoiled person who expect to live in some private mansion in my 20s—and I realize a lot of people have it a lot worse.
Any tips not to feel so anxious / semi on edge all the time in an apartment where I am constantly reminded I am living in some building full of strangers day in day out?
Maybe I’m just paranoid but little things like hearing the elevator king and hearing people in the hallway give me so much anxiety.
| 3 |
Having a rough time lately.
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I just got dumped by my best friend who was also my best friend for years, like since we were 5 years old. We're almost in high school now.
My teacher hates me, and she thinks I'm slow, ditzy, weird, and dumb. Some of it is my own fault for being dumb but not on purpose. She has never seemed to like me very much, and I'm thinking of taking a different elective, if it continues going wrong.
And recently, I've been trying to talk to some new people but, they couldn't give two shits about me or anything else.
And my hormones are not HELPING ME!!
| 3 |
I really need a support system
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Hey everyone
I really really need someone I can lean on and talk to. I feel very alone and I’m heading down a dark path. Not a creep I promise. Nice 41 year old guy from Canada. I really just need a friend and support. Please.
| 7 |
First appointment with EMDR Master practitioner tomorrow...
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I have suffered with horrible anxiety and depression for over 25 years, and I am really optimistic that this type of therapy can help me.
The practitioner has amazing reviews and I've heard this type of therapy is highly effective.
Has anyone else had experiences with EMDR for anxiety?
| 4 |
First Day Nerves
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After a year of unemployment, I’ll be starting my first day at work in about 2 1/2 hours. Yay! But I also feel like I’m going to puke.
This happens the day before every new job for me (and sometimes the last day of a break). When I was a kid my mom used to call them the Sunday Scaries, which is a wonderful use of alliteration but doesn’t write encapsulate the panic that I feel.
Does anyone else get this? And if so, what do you do? At this point I feel like I’m going to end up rolling into my first day with a giant mug of peppermint tea and a super fidgety attitude.
UPDATE: It went really well! There was a point in the first hour where I was pretty nervous and actually thought about calling it all off, but once I started doing the work and talking with my new coworkers it got a lot better and the anxiety was able to fade into the background. Thanks for your support, everyone!
| 7 |
Ranting.
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All my childhood I literally saw my parents at the end of the day for 30 minutes or so because they were always working, grandparents didn't really care much about me and parents weren't that affectionate either so I was always alone. I developed low self confidence, anxiety issues at that point most probably. Never went out of the city so had no exposure, My schools changed & it got worse for me. I got a job, had to move out, made friends & somehow managed things on my own. Then pandemic came & I moved back with my parents, avoided all my friends due to anxiety, gained extra weight. All my fellow batchmates are switching to higher paying jobs and I can't get myself to do that either. Changes scare me. It's been 3 years now, offices are reopening and everything seems scary. Moving out, starting afresh, meeting new people in person.I am not ready for these changes.
I am not comfortable in my own skill, have complex about my body, can't drive/swim, it's difficult to make eye contact while talking. I don't have any hobbies either. Large buildings, huge roads scare me. It's gets difficult to focus, sleep, work due to overthinking sometimes. I want to seek help but I live in small city & there's no good psychiatrist here. I just feel blank & stuck.
| 4 |
Recent STRESS
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My two roomates hate each other. They barely interact but I love them both. My original roomate is my rock. Shes the kindest person on this planet and only cares about other people. The other cares about her friends to some extent and even has treated me badly in the recent past. But I stil cherish both friendships and jksut feel like I'm in the middle. It is exhausting and frustrating because I thought I escaped the drama when I graduated high school. I can't truly talk to anyone about this becuase we all have the same friends. I just try to be friends with and nice to everyone and it never works out. It is so frustrating. I try so hard to please other people and its never enough. It used to make me sad but now it just makes me angry.
| 0 |
I know I have to move past this pain I feel but I don't know how to right now.
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I don't know why but I feel weird. My motivation has been lacking and overall in the worst place. I just, can't. Something is happening with [my friend](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueChristian/comments/12uvkf3/kinda_just_a_personal_vent_about_losing_someone/) and now we can't speak every day like we use to. Or hardily at all now if I'm being honest. I also can't stop thinking about it no matter how hard I try. My other friend is suicidal.
I hardily talk to other people consistently at all. And now all I have is one person. I don't even try to talk consistently with others at all. Partially sometimes fear of talking to them and what would happen. Having gaps inbetween, VRChat, and questions prepared seem to help.
But now it just feels, different. I don't know my motivation is broken because of it. My first friend mentioned wasn't a friend but more, lover I suppose. Atleast for a tad while. That feeling hasn't left though.
So many emotions hidden from so many people and various other things why am I like this? I know I'm the only one capable of fixing my issues, just doesn't make the fight any easier. I feel like I'm very low in friends both quality and quantity sometimes. I don't know. So complex to explain. Any questions? I will answer them.
I feel like there's a chance I might not even find many people that can and will become a constant source of friendship in my life and it terrifies me. I've been on the verge of giving up before with friendship. I wish there was a way to ensure I don't.
| 7 |
here i am again
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its been 2 years since i was here ranting about my life. here i am again. 'it will get better' 'things get better'. what fucking bullshit. i still want to kill myself. im still suffocated by my mother. fuck guys i just want to stop feeling this way what even is this
| 1 |
Back again
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I started my antidepressants. I thought things were getting better because one of the side effects I felt was emotional numbing. Things are coming back but they aren’t as intense. Idk I just still don’t feel good. My birthday is coming up and idk if I just wanna sit in my room alone and let it pass me by or if I should force myself to go out and engage with ppl. I just wish I could go back to when I was happy. I see pictures and it makes me so sad. I feel that that girl had it all and I have nothing. I’m just trying to hold myself together, keep my SI at bay, and improve my health (almost 20lbs down unintentionally). Idk I feel like I’m just wading in the water trying not to drown while everyone around me saying “you’re the strongest person I know” “you’re so strong” someone literally said I don’t have anxiety because I’m strong what the fuck does that even mean. I’m so tired of people seeing me as this impenetrable force. I break too. I’m literally in pieces rn and it’s like everyone doesn’t care because they think I’m so strong. I’ve always been there for everyone. Who’s there for me?
I have to write a self compassion letter (therapy exercise) and I don’t even know where to start.
| 9 |
How do you treat depression when you're not actually depressed, but rather, anxious?
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So, I AM depressed, but that's only because I've been constantly anxious since I was 4. I'm 44 now. That's 4 decades of chronic fear, nervousness, anxiety, trauma and stress.
I also have social anxiety, OCD and Avoidant Personality Disorder (and BPD, CPTSD and Binge Eating Disorder).
I have anhedonia. That's how my depression manifests itself. No enjoyment or pleasure in anything, so no interest or engagement. I sleep all day. There's nothing I want to do. It is just so...DEPRESSING.
After so long, the anxiety flattened me into this anhedonic state. I can never relax enough to even begin to take an interest in anything, let alone enjoy it.
I've been on 8 antidepressants over 10 years. None have helped. All but 2 have made me feel much worse. I've tried an antipsychotic (hideous), a mood stabiliser (did nothing), a mu-opioid agonist (subtle), a stimulant (that was horrendous).
The ONLY thing that has helped me is benzos, as they actually target the real problem - ANXIETY. But they stop working due to the tolerance that develops.
So...what do I do? (Please nobody say Ketamine, CBD oil, MDMA or micro-dosing psychedelics, as in Australia these treatments are just not an option, either legally or financially.)
| 28 |
When does neck pain go away from this medication?? Holy moly!!! Wellbutrin 150 xl
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I’m on day 6 of this Wellbutrin and my neck has never felt worse. I have heard that this is a side effect of the medication… But I was just wondering if anybody had any insight as to when this might subside. I know it’s different for everyone. I just need some one to share the light at the end of the tunnel.
| 3 |
To medicate or not…
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So been having rough time last few months. Have 3 small, super demanding kids. My dad died in Nov last year after long illness. Lots of stress of caring for him all last year with a brand new baby in tow. Had covid twice.
Just overall very overwhelmed, not coping and last month or two had a few of the most severe panic attacks of my life. I’ve had a med check up to make sure nothing underlying. All clear. I’ve had anxiety and low points on and off whole life but never felt like it’s taken over my life this much. I’m okay for first half of day but come afternoon/evening I’m full of dread, irritable, rage filled at times, snapping at kids, mean to husband, just a dark cloud, hopeless, very hard on myself. I’ve always refused meds and gotten through past episodes with CBT, therapy and self help. But I felt out of my depth this time so asked doc for help. I’ve a script for 50mg sertraline. But I’m filled with panic about taking it. I’ve googled way to many side effects and just don’t know if I can cope with the 2-4 weeks settling phase and all that comes with it. I’m also terrified of messing with my brain chemistry permanently. I don’t stigmatise meds at all. They’ve saved the lives of many I love. I just think maybe my situation is more circumstantial and I could do more to work on it. I only go to therapy about twice a month and had a long gap recently. I don’t know what I’m looking for. I suppose stories either way… times when meds have worked well for a short enough period of time to get you out of a hole and able to come off. Or times when you managed to get out of it without. I’m just so freaked by the side effects stories online :(
| 4 |
Finally trying prozac after being on almost every SSRI
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Hi all, long story short. I’ve been on a bunch of SSRI’s for the past 15ish years (I’m 32F). I was on celexa for the past 2 years and while it worked beautifully , I would sometimes miss a dose or two and stop (bad I know). I took a 6 month break and in sept 2022 I decided to be proactive and start celexa again under the guidance of my doctor since I get seasonal depression too. It totally backfired almost sending me to the psych ward. I know it usually takes a couple of weeks to adjust but this time felt different.
Anywho my doctor just prescribed me Prozac for the first time as my anxiety and depression is getting bad (more my anxiety). What have your experiences with Prozac been? After crying to my doctor she finally agreed to give me Klonopin for panic attacks so we’ll see how that goes.
| 3 |
Help me please
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I can't take it anymore I just want peace
| 3 |
To Those who Are Struggling with Depression/Anxiety
| null | 3 |
I (34F) don't deserve love if I don't find a job?
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I have been seeing my bf now for 9 months and we are very happy but I need to move to his area and find a new job if I want this to work. Finding a job is hard. I have asked to officially move in with him but he is scared to live with an unemployed woman. I am looking hard for work, I get benefits, I work for my dad sometimes. In total I usually get € 1000 a month that way and I have savings. But he doesn't seem to care. He won't let me officially register on his address without a job. Like I have a choice and can just ask for a job somewhere. I want to continue with life and have a family and do all the things a normal couple does and I feel my biological clock ticking and it is driving me mad. He really thinks we can wait with anything... I said we will be 60 by the time are kids are 20 if we don't wait... It is not what I want. I am so anxious and depressed due to this issue because I can't change it. I can't force someone to hire me indefinitely. I feel so lost and unloved to be honest. What a shitty conditional love. Or am I wrong?
| 4 |
What is going on??!!
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I feel quite embarrassed to admit I’ve been single for about a year and a half despite putting myself out there constantly. I sometimes feel I won’t ever find love or someone who’ll give me a chance. I’m an attractive guy with great social skills, high paying job for my age yet I still can’t find anyone who I can create a connection with. I find girls only want to hook up with me but I don’t really have much importance for that. I’m having a difficult time trying to date and I’m not one for excuses but most of it’s been up to bad luck. Girls just not texting back after a date, hooking up with a girl and then just doesn’t message in the morning, or some stupid shit that I can’t come up with a logical answer for. I don’t know what more I can do. It breaks my heart and makes me feel hopeless. Logically I can only think I’m doing something wrong for the amount of times shit like this happens but I really don’t feel that at all. I’m saying all the right things, doing all the right things, it just never even seems to lead anywhere. It drives me crazy and causes me some mad anxiety. I start to think, am I really as good as I think I am? Am I even worth dating? The girls that I want just never seem interested in taking it any further than a hookup and it’s depressing ironically. I feel I can do anything in this world but do something as simple as building a romantic connection.
This is really just a bitch and moan cause I’m feeling it rn but it helps me. Does anyone else relate to how I’m feeling? Anyone for there 2 cents? You want to tell me I’m full of shit go for it ahaha. I just don’t want to become cynical about relationships and even grow to hate them 🥲
| 2 |
Anybody else have negative mantras you can’t help but repeat?
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I often find myself repeating certain phrases over and over. A particular favorite of mine is “I hate myself” or “I’m going to kill myself”. Really doesn’t matter what I’m doing, whether I’m sad or happy. It’s like my brain can’t help but talk negatively all the time.
| 11 |
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