jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
Good night, sweet Principal.
Oh, Springfield Elementary! I will have you back again! After all, tomorrow is another school day!
And then when I got out of the service, well, the next few years are a blur.
Patty. Where's Skinner?
We decided we loved each other enough never to see each other again!
I hope I can find a man like that. Patty, are you throwing away your last chance at happiness just for me?
Thanks.
Now let's get some pancakes.
Listen Barney, I... Eh.
She broke my heart, Moe.
Don't worry, Barney. Time heals all wounds.
Well, what do you know. You're right! And look, a whole pitcher to myself.
I told you you'd be back!
Well then, let's move on to new business. Have you taken care of McBain?
You don't have to worry, Senator Mendoza. By now our "dear friend" McBain has met with a - shall we say - unfortunate accident.
Excellent. With McBain out of the way, nothing can stop us!... Any more new business?
Two-fifty for this?
What a gyp!
You certainly broke up that meeting.
Oh, McBain.
THE RULES THAT CONSTRAIN OTHER MEN / MEAN NOTHING TO MCBAIN...,the rules that constrain other men mean nothing to mcbain,10
8153,28,14,Jasper Beardly: Booo.,123000,true,273,332,Jasper Beardly,Aztec Theater,Booo.,booo,1
8154,28,15,Gulliver Dark: THE PUNCHES THAT BRING PAIN TO OTHER MEN/
I want to see the manager!
The screen was too small.
The floor was sticky.
The romantic subplot felt tacked on.
In short, we demand a refund!
Sorry, it's against our policy.
I'll policy you, you--
Hey, don't have a heart attack, old dude.
Don't you... tell... me... what to do... you... young... whipper... snap-per.
... And thank you most of all for nuclear power, which is yet to cause a single proven fatality, at least in this country. Amen.
Very nicely said, Homer.
Dad, Bart ate a green bean during the blessing.
How do you know unless you opened your eyes during the blessing?
Eating is worse than opening eyes.
Is not.
Is too.
Is not.
Is too.
Is not.
Is too.
Quiet, you kids! If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to watch cartoons and Lisa doesn't get to go to college.
Da-ad!...
Not one word.
I thought I said knock it off!
We didn't say anything.
Not one word.
Well, no panta-ma-mime, either.
Telephone, Homer.
It's the hospital.
The hospital? Y'ello... Oh my God!
Homer, I'm happy to say that your father only had a mild arrhythmia.
Mild?! There wasn't anything mild about it! Now get back to the pharmacy, you quack.
Oh, with that feisty attitude, you'll bury us all, Grampa Simpson.
Pull your chair closer, my son.
What is it, Da --
P.U.! Not that close! Ish. Homer, that heart attack made me realize that I'm going to die someday.
Oh Dad, you and your imagination.
There's something I think you should know. Homer, you have a half-brother.
A half-brother?
Huh uh. It all happened while I was courting your mother...
I was checking out the skirts at the local carnival when I first saw her...
Hey, Handsome, want to dunk the clown?
She did things your mother would never do. Like have sex for money.
A year later, the carnival came back to town and she had a little surprise for me.
We left the baby at the Shelbyville orphanage, and I never saw him again. A year later, I married your mother and we had you.
Abe, I want Homer to grow up respecting his father. He must never know about that, that... carnival incident.
Promise you won't tell him.
Whoops! Forget what I just told you.
What are you blubbering about?
This makes me feel special, Dad. Since I'm the one you kept, that must mean you really love me.
Hmmm... Interesting theory.
I'm going to find my brother. I don't care what it takes. If I have to move heaven and earth, I'm going to find him!
Yeah, right. Good luck.
A long-lost half-brother. How Dickensian!
So, any idea where this bastard lives?
Well his parents aren't married, are they? It's the correct word, isn't it?
I guess he's got us there.
BASTARD, BASTARD / BASTARD, BASTARD / BASTARD, BASTARD
BASTARD / BASTARD, BASTARD!
Twen... forty-eight. This is it.
Excuse me, is this an orphanage?
Ooo, you're a little late, pal. They tore down the orphanage thirty odd years ago.
Thirty years! I'll never find him. I'm doomed to walk through this life alone. Oh brother, where art thou?!
Take it easy, buddy. They moved across the street.
Oh. Hee, hee. Sorry.
I know how you feel, Mr. Simpson.
I myself have spent years searching for my long-lost twin brother --
Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, I wish I could help you but we're looking for my brother today. Can you tell me his name?
Hmmm, according to our records, a Mr. and Mrs. Powell adopted your brother and named him Herbert.
Herbert. Herbert Powell. Great! Where can I find him?
I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to release that information.
Oh please, please, this is my life we're talking about here. Please...
Well, I do sympathize with your situation, Mr. Simpson. After all, your brother could be anywhere. Even Detroit.
I know, he could be anywhere! That's why I want you to narrow it down! Please...
You know Mr. Simpson, if you ask me, the City of Brotherly Love isn't Philadelphia... it's Detroit.
Well, if you ask me, changing the subject makes you the most worthless, heartless, excuse for a human being I ever...
Read between the lines, you fool.

Good night, sweet Principal.

Oh, Springfield Elementary! I will have you back again! After all, tomorrow is another school day!

And then when I got out of the service, well, the next few years are a blur.

Patty. Where's Skinner?

We decided we loved each other enough never to see each other again!

I hope I can find a man like that. Patty, are you throwing away your last chance at happiness just for me?

Thanks.

Now let's get some pancakes.

Listen Barney, I... Eh.

She broke my heart, Moe.

Don't worry, Barney. Time heals all wounds.

Well, what do you know. You're right! And look, a whole pitcher to myself.

I told you you'd be back!

Well then, let's move on to new business. Have you taken care of McBain?

You don't have to worry, Senator Mendoza. By now our "dear friend" McBain has met with a - shall we say - unfortunate accident.

Excellent. With McBain out of the way, nothing can stop us!... Any more new business?

Two-fifty for this?

What a gyp!

You certainly broke up that meeting.

Oh, McBain.

THE RULES THAT CONSTRAIN OTHER MEN / MEAN NOTHING TO MCBAIN...,the rules that constrain other men mean nothing to mcbain,10

8153,28,14,Jasper Beardly: Booo.,123000,true,273,332,Jasper Beardly,Aztec Theater,Booo.,booo,1

8154,28,15,Gulliver Dark: THE PUNCHES THAT BRING PAIN TO OTHER MEN/

I want to see the manager!

The screen was too small.

The floor was sticky.

The romantic subplot felt tacked on.

In short, we demand a refund!

Sorry, it's against our policy.

I'll policy you, you--

Hey, don't have a heart attack, old dude.

Don't you... tell... me... what to do... you... young... whipper... snap-per.

... And thank you most of all for nuclear power, which is yet to cause a single proven fatality, at least in this country. Amen.

Very nicely said, Homer.

Dad, Bart ate a green bean during the blessing.

How do you know unless you opened your eyes during the blessing?

Eating is worse than opening eyes.

Is not.

Is too.

Is not.

Is too.

Is not.

Is too.

Quiet, you kids! If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to watch cartoons and Lisa doesn't get to go to college.

Da-ad!...

Not one word.

I thought I said knock it off!

We didn't say anything.

Not one word.

Well, no panta-ma-mime, either.

Telephone, Homer.

It's the hospital.

The hospital? Y'ello... Oh my God!

Homer, I'm happy to say that your father only had a mild arrhythmia.

Mild?! There wasn't anything mild about it! Now get back to the pharmacy, you quack.

Oh, with that feisty attitude, you'll bury us all, Grampa Simpson.

Pull your chair closer, my son.

What is it, Da --

P.U.! Not that close! Ish. Homer, that heart attack made me realize that I'm going to die someday.

Oh Dad, you and your imagination.

There's something I think you should know. Homer, you have a half-brother.

A half-brother?

Huh uh. It all happened while I was courting your mother...

I was checking out the skirts at the local carnival when I first saw her...

Hey, Handsome, want to dunk the clown?

She did things your mother would never do. Like have sex for money.

A year later, the carnival came back to town and she had a little surprise for me.

We left the baby at the Shelbyville orphanage, and I never saw him again. A year later, I married your mother and we had you.

Abe, I want Homer to grow up respecting his father. He must never know about that, that... carnival incident.

Promise you won't tell him.

Whoops! Forget what I just told you.

What are you blubbering about?

This makes me feel special, Dad. Since I'm the one you kept, that must mean you really love me.

Hmmm... Interesting theory.

I'm going to find my brother. I don't care what it takes. If I have to move heaven and earth, I'm going to find him!

Yeah, right. Good luck.

A long-lost half-brother. How Dickensian!

So, any idea where this bastard lives?

Well his parents aren't married, are they? It's the correct word, isn't it?

I guess he's got us there.

BASTARD, BASTARD / BASTARD, BASTARD / BASTARD, BASTARD

BASTARD / BASTARD, BASTARD!

Twen... forty-eight. This is it.

Excuse me, is this an orphanage?

Ooo, you're a little late, pal. They tore down the orphanage thirty odd years ago.

Thirty years! I'll never find him. I'm doomed to walk through this life alone. Oh brother, where art thou?!

Take it easy, buddy. They moved across the street.

Oh. Hee, hee. Sorry.

I know how you feel, Mr. Simpson.

I myself have spent years searching for my long-lost twin brother --

Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, I wish I could help you but we're looking for my brother today. Can you tell me his name?

Hmmm, according to our records, a Mr. and Mrs. Powell adopted your brother and named him Herbert.

Herbert. Herbert Powell. Great! Where can I find him?

I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to release that information.

Oh please, please, this is my life we're talking about here. Please...

Well, I do sympathize with your situation, Mr. Simpson. After all, your brother could be anywhere. Even Detroit.

I know, he could be anywhere! That's why I want you to narrow it down! Please...

You know Mr. Simpson, if you ask me, the City of Brotherly Love isn't Philadelphia... it's Detroit.

Well, if you ask me, changing the subject makes you the most worthless, heartless, excuse for a human being I ever...

Read between the lines, you fool.