jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
Mmmmmm... Money.
Hey, watch it, chief!
Folks, we print more than eighteen million bills a day. Oh, and in case you were wondering... no we, we don't give out free samples.
Lousy cheap country...
BART! Get out of the Spirit of St. Louis!
Hey, what's so funny?
Oh Marge, grow up.
Congressman, this is Springfield National Forest.
Now basically, what we want to do is cut her down.
Huh uh.
As you can see in our artist's rendition it's full of old growth, just aging and festering away. In comes our logging company... to thin out the clutter. It's all part of nature's, y'know, cycle.
Well Jerry, you're a whale of a Lobbyist And I'd like to give you a logging permit. I would, but uh, this isn't like burying toxic waste. People are gonna notice those trees are gone.
Uh, Congressman... this is where it gets awkward, I... I never quite know how to put this... I just want to...
...Offer me a bribe?
Ohhh... What is it?
It's that little girl from Springfield who wrote the essay. Could be a good photo op.
Uh, sure, fine.
So, where do we...
Not here. I've got a little place that I use for these uh... matters. Call me tonight.
Well hi there! You must be Lisa Simpson.
Hello, sir.
Lisa, you're a doer. And who knows, maybe some day you'll be a congressman or a senator. We have quite a few women senators, you know.
Only two. I checked.
You're a sharp one. Well, how about a few pictures?
A tot shot always plays in the sticks.
Ah, isn't that nice. Now, there is a politician who cares.
If I ever vote, it'll be for him.
Lisa, the contest isn't for three hours.
I'm too excited to sleep. Anyone up for the Winifred Beecher Howe Memorial?
Who's that?
An early crusader for women's rights. She led the Floormop Rebellion of 1910. Later she appeared on the highly unpopular 75 cent piece.
Okay, but you don't know what you're missing.
"I will iron your sheets when you iron out the inequities in your labor laws." Amen, sister.
I told you no one ever came here.
So, Bob, where do we stand on Springfield Forest? Do I get my logging permit?
Well, let me put it this way, Jerry... Tim-berrr!
Ugh, what a pooch.
Woof woof!
How could I read my essay now? I don't believe my own words.
Honest Abe. He'll show me the way.
Mr. Lincoln, I...
Mr. Lincoln, I need your advice. What can I do to make this a better country?
Is this a good time to buy a house?
I can't get my boy to brush proper.
Would I look good with a moustache?
...So I tries usin' turpentine, but that jes' made it worse...
Mr. Lincoln, my name is Lisa Simpson, and I have a problem.
Mr. Jefferson, my name is Lisa Simpson, and I have a problem.
I know your problem, the Lincoln Memorial was too crowded.
Sorry, sir. It's just that...
No one ever comes to see me. I don't blame them, I never did anything important. Just The Declaration of Independence, the Louisiana Purchase, the dumbwaiter...
Uh, maybe I should be going. I caught you at a bad time.
Wait! Please don't go. I get so lonely.
The truth must be told.
Rudy my man, you're a miracle worker.
Your laundry, sir.
There you go... buy yourself something nice.
Thank you!
Bart, are you ready to go to... I'll room service you...
Before you kill me, remember, this trip is "All Expenses Paid."
THE DEFICIT RAG / OH, YEAH, THE DEFICIT RAG / THOSE BUDGET GAPS CAN BE A TWELVE-DIGIT DRAG / I'M TELLIN' YA THAT'S THE DEFICIT / THEY REALLY MADE A MESS OF IT / THAT'S THE DEFICIT RA-A-G! Thank you!
Oh, this guy is awful.
I know, honey, but just sit still.
Welcome, everyone to the awards luncheon. I'd like to introduce our distinguished judges who will select our scholarship winner.
Former Redskins great, Alonzo Flowers... perennial third-party candidate, Wilson DeFarge...Senate page, Brad Fletcher... skin-care consultant, Rowena... and wealthy gadabout, Chilton Gaines.
Our first essayist will be Lisa Simpson. ...Lisa?... Lisa?
Oh, there she is. Lisa Simpson will now read her essay...
I would like to read a different essay, if I may.
"The city of Washington was built on a stagnant swamp some 200 years ago, and very little has changed. It stank then, and it stinks now. Only today, it is the fetid stench of corruption that hangs in the air."
Cool! A ruckus!
"And who did I see taking a bribe, but the "Honorable" Bob Arnold. But don't worry, Congressman, I'm sure you can buy all the votes you need with your dirty money. And this will be one nation, under the dollar, with liberty and justice for none."
Senator, there's a problem at the essay contest.
Please son, I'm very busy.
A little girl is losing faith in democracy.
Good lord!
Congressman, we want to drill for oil in Teddy Roosevelt's head.
Well... Teddy who?
Congressman, you're under arrest.
You work fast.
I work for Uncle Sam!
We will now vote on the House Bill 1022, the expulsion of Bob Arnold.
Mr. Speaker, I'm all for the bill, but shouldn't we tack on a pay raise for ourselves?
Okay, this should make my bosses very happy.
Your bosses?
Yep! All 250 million of them.
"When my family arrived in this country four months ago, we spoke no English and had no money in our pockets. Today, we own a nationwide chain of wheel balancing centers. Where else but in America, or possibly Canada, could our family find such opportunity? That's why, whenever I see the stars and stripes, I'll always be reminded of that wonderful word -- flag."
There will be a brief recess while the judges tabulate their votes.
Lisa, what's gotten into you?
Yeah, your other speech was a little more crowd pleasin'.
I'm sorry, Dad. I couldn't think of a nice way to say America stinks.
Extra! Extra! Feds nab rotten Rep!
Gimme one of those!
"Imprisoned Congressman becomes born-again Christian".
I can't believe it! The system works.
THE TRADING GAP SHUFFLE / WE'RE IN A HEAP-A TROUBLE / A-DOIN' THE TRADING GAP SHUFFLE! YES SIR!
He already sang this song!
No, that was about the budget gap. This is the trading gap.
And now, the moment of truth: Will the winning essay be... "Bubble On, O Melting Pot"... "Lift High Your Lamp, Green Lady"... "USA: A-O.K."... or "Cesspool On The Potomac"?
Cesspool cesspool cesspool cesspool cesspool...
And now the winner is, "USA: A-O.K." by Truong Van Dinh.

Mmmmmm... Money.

Hey, watch it, chief!

Folks, we print more than eighteen million bills a day. Oh, and in case you were wondering... no we, we don't give out free samples.

Lousy cheap country...

BART! Get out of the Spirit of St. Louis!

Hey, what's so funny?

Oh Marge, grow up.

Congressman, this is Springfield National Forest.

Now basically, what we want to do is cut her down.

Huh uh.

As you can see in our artist's rendition it's full of old growth, just aging and festering away. In comes our logging company... to thin out the clutter. It's all part of nature's, y'know, cycle.

Well Jerry, you're a whale of a Lobbyist And I'd like to give you a logging permit. I would, but uh, this isn't like burying toxic waste. People are gonna notice those trees are gone.

Uh, Congressman... this is where it gets awkward, I... I never quite know how to put this... I just want to...

...Offer me a bribe?

Ohhh... What is it?

It's that little girl from Springfield who wrote the essay. Could be a good photo op.

Uh, sure, fine.

So, where do we...

Not here. I've got a little place that I use for these uh... matters. Call me tonight.

Well hi there! You must be Lisa Simpson.

Hello, sir.

Lisa, you're a doer. And who knows, maybe some day you'll be a congressman or a senator. We have quite a few women senators, you know.

Only two. I checked.

You're a sharp one. Well, how about a few pictures?

A tot shot always plays in the sticks.

Ah, isn't that nice. Now, there is a politician who cares.

If I ever vote, it'll be for him.

Lisa, the contest isn't for three hours.

I'm too excited to sleep. Anyone up for the Winifred Beecher Howe Memorial?

Who's that?

An early crusader for women's rights. She led the Floormop Rebellion of 1910. Later she appeared on the highly unpopular 75 cent piece.

Okay, but you don't know what you're missing.

"I will iron your sheets when you iron out the inequities in your labor laws." Amen, sister.

I told you no one ever came here.

So, Bob, where do we stand on Springfield Forest? Do I get my logging permit?

Well, let me put it this way, Jerry... Tim-berrr!

Ugh, what a pooch.

Woof woof!

How could I read my essay now? I don't believe my own words.

Honest Abe. He'll show me the way.

Mr. Lincoln, I...

Mr. Lincoln, I need your advice. What can I do to make this a better country?

Is this a good time to buy a house?

I can't get my boy to brush proper.

Would I look good with a moustache?

...So I tries usin' turpentine, but that jes' made it worse...

Mr. Lincoln, my name is Lisa Simpson, and I have a problem.

Mr. Jefferson, my name is Lisa Simpson, and I have a problem.

I know your problem, the Lincoln Memorial was too crowded.

Sorry, sir. It's just that...

No one ever comes to see me. I don't blame them, I never did anything important. Just The Declaration of Independence, the Louisiana Purchase, the dumbwaiter...

Uh, maybe I should be going. I caught you at a bad time.

Wait! Please don't go. I get so lonely.

The truth must be told.

Rudy my man, you're a miracle worker.

Your laundry, sir.

There you go... buy yourself something nice.

Thank you!

Bart, are you ready to go to... I'll room service you...

Before you kill me, remember, this trip is "All Expenses Paid."

THE DEFICIT RAG / OH, YEAH, THE DEFICIT RAG / THOSE BUDGET GAPS CAN BE A TWELVE-DIGIT DRAG / I'M TELLIN' YA THAT'S THE DEFICIT / THEY REALLY MADE A MESS OF IT / THAT'S THE DEFICIT RA-A-G! Thank you!

Oh, this guy is awful.

I know, honey, but just sit still.

Welcome, everyone to the awards luncheon. I'd like to introduce our distinguished judges who will select our scholarship winner.

Former Redskins great, Alonzo Flowers... perennial third-party candidate, Wilson DeFarge...Senate page, Brad Fletcher... skin-care consultant, Rowena... and wealthy gadabout, Chilton Gaines.

Our first essayist will be Lisa Simpson. ...Lisa?... Lisa?

Oh, there she is. Lisa Simpson will now read her essay...

I would like to read a different essay, if I may.

"The city of Washington was built on a stagnant swamp some 200 years ago, and very little has changed. It stank then, and it stinks now. Only today, it is the fetid stench of corruption that hangs in the air."

Cool! A ruckus!

"And who did I see taking a bribe, but the "Honorable" Bob Arnold. But don't worry, Congressman, I'm sure you can buy all the votes you need with your dirty money. And this will be one nation, under the dollar, with liberty and justice for none."

Senator, there's a problem at the essay contest.

Please son, I'm very busy.

A little girl is losing faith in democracy.

Good lord!

Congressman, we want to drill for oil in Teddy Roosevelt's head.

Well... Teddy who?

Congressman, you're under arrest.

You work fast.

I work for Uncle Sam!

We will now vote on the House Bill 1022, the expulsion of Bob Arnold.

Mr. Speaker, I'm all for the bill, but shouldn't we tack on a pay raise for ourselves?

Okay, this should make my bosses very happy.

Your bosses?

Yep! All 250 million of them.

"When my family arrived in this country four months ago, we spoke no English and had no money in our pockets. Today, we own a nationwide chain of wheel balancing centers. Where else but in America, or possibly Canada, could our family find such opportunity? That's why, whenever I see the stars and stripes, I'll always be reminded of that wonderful word -- flag."

There will be a brief recess while the judges tabulate their votes.

Lisa, what's gotten into you?

Yeah, your other speech was a little more crowd pleasin'.

I'm sorry, Dad. I couldn't think of a nice way to say America stinks.

Extra! Extra! Feds nab rotten Rep!

Gimme one of those!

"Imprisoned Congressman becomes born-again Christian".

I can't believe it! The system works.

THE TRADING GAP SHUFFLE / WE'RE IN A HEAP-A TROUBLE / A-DOIN' THE TRADING GAP SHUFFLE! YES SIR!

He already sang this song!

No, that was about the budget gap. This is the trading gap.

And now, the moment of truth: Will the winning essay be... "Bubble On, O Melting Pot"... "Lift High Your Lamp, Green Lady"... "USA: A-O.K."... or "Cesspool On The Potomac"?

Cesspool cesspool cesspool cesspool cesspool...

And now the winner is, "USA: A-O.K." by Truong Van Dinh.