jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
Paying money to read books... the hell with this.
Come on, Touch of death. Touch of death. Touch of death.
Touch of death!
I'm telling you, Flanders' store was dee-serted. So what do you think of your bestest buddy now, Marge?
Dad, do you know what Schadenfreude is?
No, I do not know what Schadenfreude is. Please tell me, because I'm dying to know.
It's the German term for "shameful joy" -- taking pleasure in the suffering of others.
Oh, come on, Lisa. I'm just glad to see him fall flat on his butt. He's usually all happy and comfortable and surrounded by loved ones, and it makes me feel... What's the opposite of that shameful joy thing of yours?
Sour grapes.
Boy, those Germans have a word for everything.
So Bart, what did you learn in karate school today?
Yeah, come on boy, this better be worth my ten bucks.
Uh, I learned the touch of death.
Ooh, the touch of death.
Permit me to demonstrate. Lisa, shut your eyes. Soon you will be at peace.
Hey, quit it, Bart. Quit it! Hey, quit it, quit it, quit it! M-o-o-o-m!
Bart, don't use the touch of death on your sister.
Uh-oh. Gotta get back to karate class.
You missed a spot.
All right. Comin' through. Outta my way. Move it along. Step aside, lady.
Hey, boy. How was class?
Today we learned how to rip a man's heart out and show it to him before he dies.
Oh, that'll learn 'im.
What'd ya swipe?
An "I Love Lefties" shot glass.
Left-handed pinking shears.
Pinking shears? Let's go to the Food Court and steal some baked potatoes.
Hey Flanders, when are your busy hours?
Oh, oh, oh, I expect things to start picking up soon. I think word of mouth is startin' to spread.
Hey, I hear you validate parking tickets without purchase.
Oh, right as rain. Or, as we say around here, left as rain.
Just stamp the ticket.
Uh, okay.
Hey Homer, how's your neighbor's store doing?
Lousy. He just sits there all day. He'd have a great job if he didn't own the place.
Crummy right-handed corkscrews! What does he sell?
Uh, well actually, Moe...
I dunno.
Hey, Lis. Change the channel.
You change it.
Okay, okay.
I grow weary of this new channel. Change it back.
But Bart --
Apple, apple, apple... Come on candy bar. Hey, I know you! You're that first apple I didn't want. That sinks it. I'm really gonna let 'em have it this time!
Simpson, put that box on Mr. Burns' desk. Chop, chop!
Ah! Look, Smithers, another member of our nuclear family, with some helpful suggestions. And what's your name?
Homer Simpson, sir.
Simpson, eh? Hmm hmmm. I'm Monty Burns.
Hm. "Keep that handsome owner out of sight. He's distracting the female employees." Smithers...
Got me, sir.
Oh! It's a real one! "No more apples in the vending machine, please." Well, that's almost a sentence!
Can I leave, Mr. Burns?
Oh, of course. And don't worry, there'll be plenty of apples for you. Nobody will take away your precious apples.
But the note was asking you to --
Now, now, now. Tell my secretary I said you could have a free apple. She'll make everything all right, I promise.
Damned infernal gizmo. My kingdom for a left-handed can opener!
Um, Mr. Burns...
Come on, Homer. Tell him about the store. I'm dyin' out here.
Sorry, Flanders.
Are you sure you're not interested? Two hundred dollars is only the asking price.
Sorry, Ned.
Hey, I'm flexible! You don't have to pay all at once. I'll be here all night if you change your mind.
Hey, Flanders. Is everything okay?
Oh, yeah. Sure. Thought I'd just get rid of some of the clutter. See anything you like?
Oh, I get it. It's not good enough for you, but it's good enough for me! Well, I wouldn't be caught dead buying this... Hello!
Ah, got your eye on the gas grill. She's a butane beaut.
I'll give you twenty bucks for it.
Twenty? Homer, I paid three hundred dollars for this just last year.
You were swindled, my friend. Twenty bucks. Take it or leave it.
Oh, Homer, be reasonable.
Sorry! No cash for Neddie! Homer keep all money! Bye bye Neddie! Bye bye!
All right, Homer.
Twenty dollars?
Twenty dollars.
Now I don't want it.
I changed my mind. It was a passing fancy. Although perhaps if you threw in a few lawn chairs, maybe that tool bench, it might rekindle my interest.
Hey, Bartle- eeboobely, care for a steak-a-rooney?
Sounds scrump-didly-umptious, dear old Daddly-doodly.
Daddly-doodly.
Homer, this is the Flanders' entire living room set. How much did you pay for this?
Only seventy-five beans!
Seventy-five dollars? Ned must be desperate!
I'm sure you did nothing to discourage this, you scavenger of human misery.
Hey, keep your hands off my china hutch.
Good afternoon, sir, I'm Chuck Ellis from the Springfield Collection Agency, and I'm here to ask you why you don't think you need to pay your bills.
Oh, I know I need to pay them. But there's just so many.
Does it make you feel good about yourself to owe people money? We've been very patient with you, Mr. Flanders.
I know, but... Wait a minute. I'm Homer Simpson. Ned Flanders lives over there.
Flanders is in debt? Are you sure?
We don't make mistakes.
Damn right-handed ledgers... can't write in these things...
Uh, there's a store where...
Hey, you said you're Homer Simpson?
See you on Thursday.
Knock 'em dead, boy! Kid's gonna be a black belt in no time.
Hey, check out the saxophone!
Pretty boss, but there's something stuck on it.
Hey, look at me -- I'm Elvis, man.
You give that back. That belongs to me! That's mine!
If you want it, just take it.

Paying money to read books... the hell with this.

Come on, Touch of death. Touch of death. Touch of death.

Touch of death!

I'm telling you, Flanders' store was dee-serted. So what do you think of your bestest buddy now, Marge?

Dad, do you know what Schadenfreude is?

No, I do not know what Schadenfreude is. Please tell me, because I'm dying to know.

It's the German term for "shameful joy" -- taking pleasure in the suffering of others.

Oh, come on, Lisa. I'm just glad to see him fall flat on his butt. He's usually all happy and comfortable and surrounded by loved ones, and it makes me feel... What's the opposite of that shameful joy thing of yours?

Sour grapes.

Boy, those Germans have a word for everything.

So Bart, what did you learn in karate school today?

Yeah, come on boy, this better be worth my ten bucks.

Uh, I learned the touch of death.

Ooh, the touch of death.

Permit me to demonstrate. Lisa, shut your eyes. Soon you will be at peace.

Hey, quit it, Bart. Quit it! Hey, quit it, quit it, quit it! M-o-o-o-m!

Bart, don't use the touch of death on your sister.

Uh-oh. Gotta get back to karate class.

You missed a spot.

All right. Comin' through. Outta my way. Move it along. Step aside, lady.

Hey, boy. How was class?

Today we learned how to rip a man's heart out and show it to him before he dies.

Oh, that'll learn 'im.

What'd ya swipe?

An "I Love Lefties" shot glass.

Left-handed pinking shears.

Pinking shears? Let's go to the Food Court and steal some baked potatoes.

Hey Flanders, when are your busy hours?

Oh, oh, oh, I expect things to start picking up soon. I think word of mouth is startin' to spread.

Hey, I hear you validate parking tickets without purchase.

Oh, right as rain. Or, as we say around here, left as rain.

Just stamp the ticket.

Uh, okay.

Hey Homer, how's your neighbor's store doing?

Lousy. He just sits there all day. He'd have a great job if he didn't own the place.

Crummy right-handed corkscrews! What does he sell?

Uh, well actually, Moe...

I dunno.

Hey, Lis. Change the channel.

You change it.

Okay, okay.

I grow weary of this new channel. Change it back.

But Bart --

Apple, apple, apple... Come on candy bar. Hey, I know you! You're that first apple I didn't want. That sinks it. I'm really gonna let 'em have it this time!

Simpson, put that box on Mr. Burns' desk. Chop, chop!

Ah! Look, Smithers, another member of our nuclear family, with some helpful suggestions. And what's your name?

Homer Simpson, sir.

Simpson, eh? Hmm hmmm. I'm Monty Burns.

Hm. "Keep that handsome owner out of sight. He's distracting the female employees." Smithers...

Got me, sir.

Oh! It's a real one! "No more apples in the vending machine, please." Well, that's almost a sentence!

Can I leave, Mr. Burns?

Oh, of course. And don't worry, there'll be plenty of apples for you. Nobody will take away your precious apples.

But the note was asking you to --

Now, now, now. Tell my secretary I said you could have a free apple. She'll make everything all right, I promise.

Damned infernal gizmo. My kingdom for a left-handed can opener!

Um, Mr. Burns...

Come on, Homer. Tell him about the store. I'm dyin' out here.

Sorry, Flanders.

Are you sure you're not interested? Two hundred dollars is only the asking price.

Sorry, Ned.

Hey, I'm flexible! You don't have to pay all at once. I'll be here all night if you change your mind.

Hey, Flanders. Is everything okay?

Oh, yeah. Sure. Thought I'd just get rid of some of the clutter. See anything you like?

Oh, I get it. It's not good enough for you, but it's good enough for me! Well, I wouldn't be caught dead buying this... Hello!

Ah, got your eye on the gas grill. She's a butane beaut.

I'll give you twenty bucks for it.

Twenty? Homer, I paid three hundred dollars for this just last year.

You were swindled, my friend. Twenty bucks. Take it or leave it.

Oh, Homer, be reasonable.

Sorry! No cash for Neddie! Homer keep all money! Bye bye Neddie! Bye bye!

All right, Homer.

Twenty dollars?

Twenty dollars.

Now I don't want it.

I changed my mind. It was a passing fancy. Although perhaps if you threw in a few lawn chairs, maybe that tool bench, it might rekindle my interest.

Hey, Bartle- eeboobely, care for a steak-a-rooney?

Sounds scrump-didly-umptious, dear old Daddly-doodly.

Daddly-doodly.

Homer, this is the Flanders' entire living room set. How much did you pay for this?

Only seventy-five beans!

Seventy-five dollars? Ned must be desperate!

I'm sure you did nothing to discourage this, you scavenger of human misery.

Hey, keep your hands off my china hutch.

Good afternoon, sir, I'm Chuck Ellis from the Springfield Collection Agency, and I'm here to ask you why you don't think you need to pay your bills.

Oh, I know I need to pay them. But there's just so many.

Does it make you feel good about yourself to owe people money? We've been very patient with you, Mr. Flanders.

I know, but... Wait a minute. I'm Homer Simpson. Ned Flanders lives over there.

Flanders is in debt? Are you sure?

We don't make mistakes.

Damn right-handed ledgers... can't write in these things...

Uh, there's a store where...

Hey, you said you're Homer Simpson?

See you on Thursday.

Knock 'em dead, boy! Kid's gonna be a black belt in no time.

Hey, check out the saxophone!

Pretty boss, but there's something stuck on it.

Hey, look at me -- I'm Elvis, man.

You give that back. That belongs to me! That's mine!

If you want it, just take it.