jamesliu23/simpsons · Datasets at Hugging Face

text stringlengths 7 697
Miss Crowley, thank you for this over-sized novelty check. I would like to share this honor with all of my fellow essayists. Particularly the courageous Lisa Simpson, whose inflammatory rhetoric reminded us that the price of freedom is eternal vigilance.
Give her the check!
I was serious.
SAY, LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT LISA S. / SHE'S THE LITTLE EIGHT-YEAR-OLD MUCKRAKER-ESS / SHE CAUGHT A CROOK AND REALLY MADE HIM PAY / SHE DID IT ALL IN JUST ONE DAY / THAT'S WHAT I WOULD CALL / BEING ON THE BALL!
Lis, you taught me to stand up for what I believe in.
Why Homer, you silly goose! The weed whacker's just for the edges! You're gonna be out here all day!
I'm almost done.
You are a picture and a half! Well -- hee hee! -- if you're finished by tomorrow, come on over and strap on the feed bag. We're gonna fire up old Propane Elaine and put the heat to the meat! Nummy nummy num!
I'll be there. Not-y not-y not.
"The Flanders are having a beef-a-thon! Incredible Ned-ibles! Maude-acious vittles!".
I think it means he's having a barbecue.
Well, why doesn't he just say so?
He's trying to be friendly. You know, if you gave Ned Flanders a chance --
Oh, here we go again. Look, I don't care if Ned Flanders is the nicest guy in the world, he's a jerk. End of story.
We can't hold it against him, just because he has things a little better than we do --
Excuse me? Better? Thanks a lot, Marge, you really put me in my place.
Oh, Homer.
Don't get me wrong, it's worth feeling three inches tall to find out what kind of a person you really are. Marge Simpson... President of the International We Love Flanders Fan Club...
Fee fi fo fum! I smell the potatoes au gratin of Marge Simp-son! Mmmm- mmm!
Hi, Ned. Homer sends his apologies, but uh... there was some important work at the plant that only he could take care of.
We now return you to the exciting fifteenth round action at the Canadian Football League draft.
And so the Saskatchewan Rough Riders, who scored only four rouges all last season, Jack, get the kicker they so sorely need...
Stupid Flanders... always showing off. Go ahead, Marge, have a ball... What if they game back and I was dead from not eating? They'd cry their eyes out. We should have never gone to the Flanders'. Oh, why did we go to the Flanders' house and leave Homer all alone with no food. And I'd be laughing. Laughing from my grave.
What is it, boy? What? Mmmmmmmm... bar-b-que.
Hey, everyone, I'm back! Great to see ya! Nice seein' ya!
Heya, Homer!
Okay, thanks for comin'!
You're "it"!
Electricity!
No electricity. Electricity only in freeze tag.
Okay... Now you're "it"!
Hey, no tagbacks.
Yeah, you cheater!
You lie like a fly with a booger in its eye.
The fly was funny and a booger was the icing on the cake...
Friends, we love you all, but I also have a "sinister" motive for asking you all here -- "sinister" being Latin for "left-handed." But enough joking.
That was a joke?
As of Friday, I'm saying toodle-oo to the pharmaceutical game.
No, I kid you not. Here's the noose I had to wear for ten years.
What are you going to do, Ned?
Well sir, like one out of every nine Americans, I'm left-handed. And let me tell you, it ain't all peaches and cream. Your writing gets smeared. Lord help you if you want to drive a standard transmission.
Well sir, I'm opening a one-stop store for Southpaws. Everything from left-handed apple peelers to left-handed zithers. I'm gonna call it the Leftorium.
So Homer, I'm dyin' to know. What do you think of the Leftorium?
Uh... Sounds like a pretty dumb idea to me.
Well, I know it's a little risky and it's gonna be a lot of hard work, but gosh darn it, it's gonna be a lot of fun, too.
Fun? Where is this store, Flanders? The merry old land of Oz?
Oh, no. The Springfield Mall.
Oh, here, you two. Make a wish.
It's fun.
No, it isn't.
You must have something you want to wish for, Homer.
Hmm, let's see.
Heyyyy.
Come on, Homer! I got an ambition to do some wishin'!
Keep your pants on, Flanders! I'm wishing as fast as I can!
Mmmm -- too far.
Okay. Ready.
Yesssss! Oh yessss! Read it and weep. In your face. I've got more chicken bone!
What'd you wish for, Homer?
No, no, no, don't say. Otherwise it won't come true.
Oooh. That would be a shame.
Wouldn't it, Flanders?
Bart, how many hours a day do you watch TV?
Six. Seven if there's something good on.
Don't you think you should get a little fresh air and maybe some exercise?
Yeah, but what are ya gonna do?
Marge, TV gives so much and asks so little. It's a boy's best friend.
That's the problem. Even as we speak, millions of children are staring at the TV instead of getting some much-needed exercise. Those children's parents should be ashamed of themselves.
Hello, I am Akira. HA!
That didn't hurt very much because I know the ancient art of karate.
Karate focuses the mind and gives one self-confidence.
People from all walks of life... doctors...
Hii--ya!
... homemakers...
Hoo--yea!
... landscape architects...
Ugh--ya!
... choreographers...
High karate at low, low prices.
I cannot tell a lie, this is a great deal.
Hey Mom, how 'bout if I learn karate? Will that we make you happy?
That sounds fine, Bart.
See, Marge? You knock TV and then it helps you out. I think you owe somebody a little apology.
Well, if it isn't the Leftorium.
Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
Hey Flanders, how's business?
Oh, a little pokey, but things are gonna pick up.
I am so sorry. How much do I owe you?
Now, you put that money away. That was an accident.
Really? Well, thanks. Could you validate my parking?
Absotively posilutely.
So, Flanders, have you sold anything?
N-Not yet. But one of the mall security guards took a good long look at a left-handed ice cream scoop.
Greetings. I am Akira, your guide on the path to true karate. And this is our map, the Art of War by Sun Tzu. It will teach us our most important lesson: we learn karate so that we need never use it.
Um, excuse me, sir. I already know how not to hit a guy. Can we break out the nunchucks?
Ah, yes, the impetuousness of youth! For now, let us read.
Akira, my good man. When do we break blocks of ice with our heads?
First you must fill your head with wisdom. Then you can hit ice with it.
Yo, sensei, can I go to the bathroom?
You can, if you believe you can.

Miss Crowley, thank you for this over-sized novelty check. I would like to share this honor with all of my fellow essayists. Particularly the courageous Lisa Simpson, whose inflammatory rhetoric reminded us that the price of freedom is eternal vigilance.

Give her the check!

I was serious.

SAY, LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT LISA S. / SHE'S THE LITTLE EIGHT-YEAR-OLD MUCKRAKER-ESS / SHE CAUGHT A CROOK AND REALLY MADE HIM PAY / SHE DID IT ALL IN JUST ONE DAY / THAT'S WHAT I WOULD CALL / BEING ON THE BALL!

Lis, you taught me to stand up for what I believe in.

Why Homer, you silly goose! The weed whacker's just for the edges! You're gonna be out here all day!

I'm almost done.

You are a picture and a half! Well -- hee hee! -- if you're finished by tomorrow, come on over and strap on the feed bag. We're gonna fire up old Propane Elaine and put the heat to the meat! Nummy nummy num!

I'll be there. Not-y not-y not.

"The Flanders are having a beef-a-thon! Incredible Ned-ibles! Maude-acious vittles!".

I think it means he's having a barbecue.

Well, why doesn't he just say so?

He's trying to be friendly. You know, if you gave Ned Flanders a chance --

Oh, here we go again. Look, I don't care if Ned Flanders is the nicest guy in the world, he's a jerk. End of story.

We can't hold it against him, just because he has things a little better than we do --

Excuse me? Better? Thanks a lot, Marge, you really put me in my place.

Oh, Homer.

Don't get me wrong, it's worth feeling three inches tall to find out what kind of a person you really are. Marge Simpson... President of the International We Love Flanders Fan Club...

Fee fi fo fum! I smell the potatoes au gratin of Marge Simp-son! Mmmm- mmm!

Hi, Ned. Homer sends his apologies, but uh... there was some important work at the plant that only he could take care of.

We now return you to the exciting fifteenth round action at the Canadian Football League draft.

And so the Saskatchewan Rough Riders, who scored only four rouges all last season, Jack, get the kicker they so sorely need...

Stupid Flanders... always showing off. Go ahead, Marge, have a ball... What if they game back and I was dead from not eating? They'd cry their eyes out. We should have never gone to the Flanders'. Oh, why did we go to the Flanders' house and leave Homer all alone with no food. And I'd be laughing. Laughing from my grave.

What is it, boy? What? Mmmmmmmm... bar-b-que.

Hey, everyone, I'm back! Great to see ya! Nice seein' ya!

Heya, Homer!

Okay, thanks for comin'!

You're "it"!

Electricity!

No electricity. Electricity only in freeze tag.

Okay... Now you're "it"!

Hey, no tagbacks.

Yeah, you cheater!

You lie like a fly with a booger in its eye.

The fly was funny and a booger was the icing on the cake...

Friends, we love you all, but I also have a "sinister" motive for asking you all here -- "sinister" being Latin for "left-handed." But enough joking.

That was a joke?

As of Friday, I'm saying toodle-oo to the pharmaceutical game.

No, I kid you not. Here's the noose I had to wear for ten years.

What are you going to do, Ned?

Well sir, like one out of every nine Americans, I'm left-handed. And let me tell you, it ain't all peaches and cream. Your writing gets smeared. Lord help you if you want to drive a standard transmission.

Well sir, I'm opening a one-stop store for Southpaws. Everything from left-handed apple peelers to left-handed zithers. I'm gonna call it the Leftorium.

So Homer, I'm dyin' to know. What do you think of the Leftorium?

Uh... Sounds like a pretty dumb idea to me.

Well, I know it's a little risky and it's gonna be a lot of hard work, but gosh darn it, it's gonna be a lot of fun, too.

Fun? Where is this store, Flanders? The merry old land of Oz?

Oh, no. The Springfield Mall.

Oh, here, you two. Make a wish.

It's fun.

No, it isn't.

You must have something you want to wish for, Homer.

Hmm, let's see.

Heyyyy.

Come on, Homer! I got an ambition to do some wishin'!

Keep your pants on, Flanders! I'm wishing as fast as I can!

Mmmm -- too far.

Okay. Ready.

Yesssss! Oh yessss! Read it and weep. In your face. I've got more chicken bone!

What'd you wish for, Homer?

No, no, no, don't say. Otherwise it won't come true.

Oooh. That would be a shame.

Wouldn't it, Flanders?

Bart, how many hours a day do you watch TV?

Six. Seven if there's something good on.

Don't you think you should get a little fresh air and maybe some exercise?

Yeah, but what are ya gonna do?

Marge, TV gives so much and asks so little. It's a boy's best friend.

That's the problem. Even as we speak, millions of children are staring at the TV instead of getting some much-needed exercise. Those children's parents should be ashamed of themselves.

Hello, I am Akira. HA!

That didn't hurt very much because I know the ancient art of karate.

Karate focuses the mind and gives one self-confidence.

People from all walks of life... doctors...

Hii--ya!

... homemakers...

Hoo--yea!

... landscape architects...

Ugh--ya!

... choreographers...

High karate at low, low prices.

I cannot tell a lie, this is a great deal.

Hey Mom, how 'bout if I learn karate? Will that we make you happy?

That sounds fine, Bart.

See, Marge? You knock TV and then it helps you out. I think you owe somebody a little apology.

Well, if it isn't the Leftorium.

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Hey Flanders, how's business?

Oh, a little pokey, but things are gonna pick up.

I am so sorry. How much do I owe you?

Now, you put that money away. That was an accident.

Really? Well, thanks. Could you validate my parking?

Absotively posilutely.

So, Flanders, have you sold anything?

N-Not yet. But one of the mall security guards took a good long look at a left-handed ice cream scoop.

Greetings. I am Akira, your guide on the path to true karate. And this is our map, the Art of War by Sun Tzu. It will teach us our most important lesson: we learn karate so that we need never use it.

Um, excuse me, sir. I already know how not to hit a guy. Can we break out the nunchucks?

Ah, yes, the impetuousness of youth! For now, let us read.

Akira, my good man. When do we break blocks of ice with our heads?

First you must fill your head with wisdom. Then you can hit ice with it.

Yo, sensei, can I go to the bathroom?

You can, if you believe you can.