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rick-and-morty-script

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What? What the hell are you doing?
Rick:
Good question. I suppose the answer is
Testicle Monster A:
Oh, no, what are you doin'?
Testicle Monster A:
Lis- ay, to, AH. But these arms are vestigial. Now you poked me where an eye would have been about six million years ago.
Testicle Monster A:
Ow, I'm defeated...
Jerry:
Look, I know I was kind of a nuisance today. I know it's my fault we hit the deer, and I know you wanted to be the one to save it.
Beth:
Whatever. How petty would I have to be to care less about an animal's life than my own ego?
Jerry:
Hmm... you'd have to be pretty petty. But you'd still be the woman I married.
Beth:
Where are we going?
Jerry:
One last stop.
Beth:
Where's the helicopter?
Jerry:
There is no helicopter and there is no Cervine Institute.
Beth:
But the top deer surgeon...
Jerry:
I'm looking at her. Thanks for F.D.'ing me up like that.
Beth:
I need five minutes.
Beth:
Jerry, this was the most romantic weekend I've ever had.
Jerry:
Thanks to Cold Stone Creamery.
Morty:
Yes, oh, yes, yes!
Summer:
Woohoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Morty:
Oh, that was a close call. Oh yeah, do it Rick, do it right.
Rick:
You know what I'm talking about, oh yeah. I'm gonna do the cabbage patch, Morty. Check me out I'm doing the cabbage patch dance. It's a classic dance, remember, like this. Oh shit look at that.
Morty:
Do the cabbage patch. Do—do—do the dance.
Summer:
Hey wait a second, how come you guys took longer to get here?
Morty:
I don't know. I think like one sixty-fourth of my collars didn't work. It's hard to keep straight now that I have sixty-three other memories of everything.
Rick:
Yeah.
Morty:
But I feel like one of the sixty-four Ricks like, sacrificed himself for me, maybe, I think.
Rick:
Shut up, Morty. The last time you felt something, we all almost died. You little s—piece of shit.
Beth:
Hey guys, we're home.Morty & Summer
Jerry:
Um, hold the phone, where did you guys get those necklaces from? Uh, Lady Gaga, table for three, am I right?
Jerry:
Are you guys Power Rangers? But only on one small part of your necks? Hey, do those things need batteries? Were they included? Clean up in the fruit isle! Not in a homophobic way though, they're just fruity necklaces is all I was saying.
Beth:
I'm gonna pee my pants.
Morty:
Doesn't feel so good, does it?
Rick:
No it doesn't. It hurts.
Beth:
I'm gonna pee-hee-hee.