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rick-and-morty-script

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Jerry:
Somebody call the planet of Tron, we have three Tron people over here. But seriously, are these Halloween costumes? Are you going as motorcycles? With green headlights instead of normal ones? Are you dogs? Robot dogs? Gosh, you guys are lame. Are those chokers from the 90's? What is this, a 90's nostalgia thing? Are you guys in that movie “The Craft” with Fairuza Balk?
Testicle Monster A:
Hey man, when the hell were you?
Testicle Monster A:
I told you past the dinosaurs.
Testicle Monster A:
Come on, man, it's this way...
Testicle Monster A:
There he is, there he is, there he is, there he is, stop, stop.
Testicle Monster A:
Yeah, that's him. Hey, man, remember me? I got something for your ass! You don't mess with time! You don't fuck with time, motherfucker!
Jerry:
The trick to cereal is keeping 70% of it above the milk.
Beth:
Jerry, get a job.
Rick:
Uh, w-why don't you get it Jerry? you're the man of the house and you don't have a job.
Summer:
Gross, what is that thing?
Rick:
Ughhhh... belchflies towards front doorTurning back around and re-entering dining roomScoffsHovers over Jerry and fully shoves him into underside before flying away through open front door and into skyRuns to front doorFollow BethLooking into skyStill eating cerealUnscrewing and drinking from scotch flaskMorty waveskissing Beth's handHolding a suit in a dry cleaning bag* Your language has 'squanch,' in it a lot. Doesn't that become tedious and worn out like the Smurf thing?
Rick:
Beth, Squanchy culture is more... contextual than literal. You just say what's in your squanch and people understand.
Beth:
Oh, okay... I squanch my family.
Beth:
What? I do, I squanch my family.
Rick:
Oh boy. Time to go, Morty.
Morty:
Uhh, where?
Rick:
The Pentagon. I mean, not THE Pentagon. The lame one, here on Earth.
Summer:
Is it God? If it’s God, do we get out of school?
Beth:
It’s not God, Summer.
Jerry:
She’s allowed to think it’s God if she wants, honey!
Beth:
Shut up, Jerry.
Jerry:
Ok…
Beth:
Dad, what do you know about this?
Rick:
Morty and I are going to look into it. You guys hold tight.
Mr. Goldenfold:
Scary stuff, huh? Pretty freaky. Hi, I’m Morty’s math teacher. I’m also part of the street team inviting folks to the church downtown so we can pray together.
Beth:
How is praying going to help?
Mr. Goldenfold:
Ma’am, a giant head in the sky is controlling the weather. Did you wanna play checkers? Let’s be rational! I’ll see you at God’s house!
President:
Gentlemen, gentlemen, one at a time! Simon?
Nathan:
Have you tried sending it launch codes? Mr. President, what America’s got is 70,000 megatons of KABOOM-BOOM! And I say we show it right up this floating head’s ass!
Rick:
Stay back! This watch turns people into snakes!
President:
Stand down. Everybody stand down! I’m the leader of these people and I’m unarmed. There’s no need for any more snake-makery.
Rick:
My name is Rick Sanchez. This here’s my grandson Morty.
Morty:
Hey.