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rick-and-morty-script

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Jerry:
Whoa! Look at you! You’re wearing the hat and everything!
Summer:
Here’s yours! Mom, do you mind if I cook dinner tonight?
Beth:
Yeah, sure. Wait, what??
Summer:
I love you guys. You gave me life. And it’s the will of the many heads that all children honor their parents.
Beth:
Dinner sounds nice.
Summer:
Father, can we please go to the Ascension?
Jerry:
Sure! Let’s go to the Ascension. Wh-wh-what is it?
Principal Vagina:
We hereby send these un-wantables skyward that they might be inhaled by the many heads, later to be sneezed back to us as better babies! Headward, free now to rise. Headward, free now to rise. Headward, free now to rise.
Summer:
Oh yes, yes! Rise to the giant head! You are free to be free!
Ice-T:
A squeegee comes up from the garage, right? And he’s got a lobster in one hand and movie tickets in the other. He’s like, “I’m ready!”
Ice-T:
Who would take a lobster to see Iron Man 3?
Ice-T:
Aw, damn. We’re out of original flavor Fig Newtons. I should get going anyway.
Rick:
Wait, wait, wait! Come on, h-hold on a second!
Morty:
What?!
Ice-T:
Damn. You didn’t tell me you fuck around with portals and shit.
Morty:
That’s it!
Rick:
Whoa, whoa! Morty! Give me that!
Morty:
You lied! You lied about the charge! You were just being lazy! Get back! Sit down!
Rick:
Morty, just put it down. You don’t know what you’re doing.
Morty:
I’m going to go find Mom and Dad.
Rick:
Nooooo!
Rick:
Ahhhh, shit!
President:
Ah, shit.
Morty:
Ahhh, shit.
Summer:
And then Ethan played guitar and we learned the Seven Contemplations of the Head by singing them. It was really fun. Praise be the head!
Jerry:
Yeah.
Principal Vagina:
Hi folks, Head Priest Vagina. Thanks for farming all those potatoes. It’s 6 p.m., so if you’re a parent, you’re now entitled to adoration from your children.
Summer:
I’m going to start dinner!
Beth:
I don’t know what to say. Summer is doing really well here.
Jerry:
She’s aced every test in potato class, and look how important potatoes have become.
Beth:
She’s not getting pregnant or doing drugs or missing curfew…
Beth:
That’s not our business as long as Summer is thriving!
Summer:
Taco time! I hope it pleases you as the head desires.