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rick-and-morty-script

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Oh, man Morty. How DID she get there?
Beth:
Is that something we should be concerned about?
Rick:
Just stay away from the coffee machine.
Announcer:
In a world, where there are eight Jan-Michael Vincent's.
Announcer:
And sixteen quadrants. There's only enough time for a Jan-Michael Vincent to make it to a quadrant. He can't be in two quadrants at once.
Morty:
Rick, who-who is Jan-Michael Vincent?
Rick:
Oh man, I'm trying to remember Morty.
Announcer:
Jan-Michael Vincent's are used up.
Morty:
Is it important that we know who Jan-Michael Vincent is in order to get this?
Rick:
Nope.
Announcer:
This January, It's time to Mike down your Vincent's. Jan Quadrant Vincent 16.
Rick:
That's Jan-Michaels.
Morty:
Excuse me, nurse, can you take my temperature? Because I think I have Jan Quadrant Vincent fever over here.
Rick:
All right, Morty you've done it!
Alien Doctor:
So, we'll be detaching your sexual organ at the base by making incisions here,here, and here.
Jerry:
Got it.
Alien Doctor:
Leaving a partial length of severed urethra to be threaded through-
Jerry:
Oh, you know what, I gotta laugh at myself here! I'm having a little laugh at myself because I just realized I haven't run this whole decision past my wife.
Alien Doctor:
Oh, do you think she'll be okay with this?
Jerry:
Oh, absolutely. Beth is automatically on board, always, with every decision I make.
Alien Doctor:
Smith family?
Beth:
Yes?
Alien Doctor:
I wanted to let you all know that Jerry is doing just fine.
Alien Doctor:
But, ah, Mrs. Smith, could you come with me?
Jerry:
Hi, honey, so, here's the thing-these guys-they want to completely remove my penis and use it as an alien's heart, and we just need you to sign off on it.
Beth:
WHAT!?!
Jerry:
Uh-oh, maybe we have a problem here after all guys. Yikes.
Alien Doctor:
His penis will be replaced with a sophisticated prosthetic, now there's a wide range of options to chose from, they're all in this catalog.
Beth:
I don't care about prosthetics, this is insane! What do you people think you're doing?
Alien Doctor:
I understand your feelings, Mrs. Smith.
Beth:
Oh, I don't think you do. I bring my husband in for emergency medical treatment, he's gone an hour, and now you want his PENIS, and you hand me some... catalog. It's--It's--It's--It's, I mean.
Jerry:
Sheesh, well, there you go. Sorry. I know it's hard to understand but on Earth, love comes first.
Alien Doctor:
There are those that believe, Mr. Smith, that Shrimply Pibbles represents love between all life. That his fate will determine the fate of hundreds of billions of sentient life forms.
Beth:
Woah! Woah. So, billions of life forms?