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rick-and-morty-script

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Rick:
Because the code you just uploaded wasn't actually my portal-gun formula, it was a virus giving me full control over the brainalyzer.
Cornvelious Daniel:
What are you talking about? This is a memory. Y-You can't alter details of a memory.
Rick:
True, but you can alter anything you want about a totally fabricated origin story.
Cornvelious Daniel:
It's a trap! Abort! I'm still in his Shoney's! Repeat -- we never left his Shoney's!
Rick:
Mission accomplished, boys. Pull me out.
Rick:
Okay, have fun in what's left of my brain. I'm gonna transfer to yours. Oh, there's not enough room for all my genius, so I'm leaving you with my fear of wicker furniture, my desire to play the trumpet, my tentative plans to purchase a hat, and six years of improv workshops. Comedy comes in threes.
Cornvelious Daniel:
It's a trap! Abort! We never left his -- No!
Summer:
A city of Grandpas?
Morty:
It's the Citadel of Ricks. All the different Ricks from all the different realities got together to hide here from the government.
Summer:
But if every Rick hates the government, why would they hate Grandpa?
Morty:
Because Ricks hate themselves the most. And our Rick is the most himself.
Riq IV:
Operating an unregistered portal gun, radicalizing a Summer, conspiring with a traitorous Rick. How do you plead?
Morty:
How is this a fair trial? O-Our lawyer is a Morty.
Riq IV:
It's not fair, you have no rights, and he's not a lawyer. We just keep him here because he's fun. Look at him go.
Riq IV:
We'll be lenient if you renounce your Rick. What say you, Summer?
Summer:
I say fuck you! My grandpa was my hero. You killed him because you were jealous of him. That's pretty obvious from the haircuts. So do what you want to me, but let my brother go. He already renounced Rick.
Riq IV:
Morty?
Morty:
What? N-No, I don't want to see your Pog collection. I don't renounce Rick, and I never have. I was just trying to protect my sister. I wanted you to have a normal life. That's something you can't have when Rick shows up. Everything real turns fake. Everything right is wrong. All you know is that you know nothing and he knows everything. And, well -- well, he's not a villain, Summer, but he shouldn't be your hero. He's more like a demon or a super fucked up god.
Riq IV:
Let's not suck the ghost of his dick too hard. He was a terrorist, and now he's dead.
Morty:
Oh, yeah? If you think my Rick's dead, he's alive. And if you think you're safe, he's coming for you!
Riq IV:
All right, calm down! We have his Summer as a hostage. Obviously, I get her. You guys play Rick, Laser, Scissors for the Morty.
Summer:
Grandpa Rick!
Rick:
Duh!
Summer:
You're alive!
Morty:
Rick!
Rick:
Morty, take this. You're gonna need it later.
Riq IV:
That's enough, Rick.
Rick:
What -- What's this supposed to accomplish? We have infinite grandkids. You're trying to use Disney bucks at a Caesar's Palace here.
Summer:
That's a bluff. He's bluffing, sir. He loves me.
Riq IV:
You're a rogue Rick -- irrational, passionate. You love your grandkids. You came to rescue them.
Rick:
I came to kill you, bro. That's not even my original Summer.
Summer:
Oh, my God. He's not bluffing. He's not bluffing!
Morty:
R-Rick?