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rick-and-morty-script

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Rick:
Little extra snippy this morning, aren't you?
Morty:
Just focus on the mission, all right?
Rick:
Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. Oh, you're right. Ooh, real serious. Gotta take it real serious, huh?
Alan:
Son of a steam engine! They're all dead!
Vance:
Well, he is the Worldender. The guy ends worlds. Kind of his thing.
Rick:
Ooh, real scared. Real fucking on alert, high alwrt over here.
Vance:
What the FUCK?!
Supernova:
It's Worldender! What happened to him?
Million Ants:
I sense his life force is fading.
Rick:
Million Ants, ladies and gentleman! The ant colony with the power of two human eyes!
Rick:
All right. Short mission, good mission. Remember when Alan wanted to use a ghost train? See you guys in Vindicators 4. Morty?
Morty:
Rick, whoever did this is an even bigger threat than Worldender! We can't leave now!
Supernova:
He's right. This is far from over.
Rick:
Well, have fun with that. But Morty and I have to meet a comet girl, a monorail man, two assholes and a full alligator in, like, an hour.
Rick:
Shit.
Million Ants:
I sense the presence of a greater evil.
Drunk Rick:
Check, check, One, two. Okay, is it recording? Good. Hello, Vindicators. Welcome to your reckoning, babyyyyyyyy!!
Rick:
Welp, it's official. I had too much to drink last night.
Drunk Rick:
If you guys are watching this, you're, you know, the Vindicators. So now that we know...
Vance:
Rick? What's going on, buddy?
Rick:
Obviously, I came here last night during a blackout.
Supernova:
Obviously? You came here and defeated our arch-nemesis while so drunk, you don't remember doing it? That's something obvious to you?
Rick:
Look, I'm a lit-- little more complex than you guys and, no offense, but I've always suspected that a lot of what you do in a year could be knocked out in a couple of hours.
Drunk Rick:
...So I thought, why not just do your job for you so we can have a little fun game.
Morty:
Rick, is-is this a "Saw" thing? Are you seriously "Saw"-ing the Vindicators?
Rick:
Morty I'm a drunk, not a hack.
Drunk Rick:
If you break the rules, lose the game or try to leave, you will die. Like in "Sawwww".
Rick:
Well, I-I-I think we've seen enough. I'll just figure out how to unplug this.
Drunk Rick:
Okay, here we go, room number one. The Vindicators are known throughout the galaxy, but do they know yourselves? Do you know yourselves? Match your... your shit, your... your gimmicks with your faces and y-you get it, it's a matching thing. And do it in three minutes, or you'll all die.
Vance:
Screw this. I'm not playing his game. I'm gonna find us a way out of here.
Rick:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, Vance. He said you'd die if you tried to leave. That means there's booby traps.
Vance:
Why are you acting like that's not you?!
Rick:
What part of "blackout" don't you understand? I thought you drank?