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Today , in honor of Leap Day ( and happy Leap Day to you , by the way ) , Disney Parks are open for 24 hours offering an extra day of memories and fun . Sadly , I am at work today . But I was at Disneyland on Saturday for Master 's annual Disney Day . The last couple of years , the park has been fairly dead because it 's been raining up here and threatening to rain down there ( one year did have scattered showers , but always while we were in a ride ) . This year , we 'd been having wonderful weather with temps in the lower 80 's . Saturday was only the lower 70 's ( on its way down to cold the last couple of days ) , but the park was still pretty crowded . The other issue we had was rides closing down on us . At one point , we tried three in a row . The first two were closed and the third shut down while we were part way through the line . But we still had a great time . I wound up giving a ride to my roommate and his fiancée , which added a bit of time on both ends to pick her up and drop her off . The day started with Angelique and myself . First we added two of her friends from her job . Both of them are from foreign countries and neither had been to Disneyland before . Then we met up with Josh and Beth and her sister and brother - in - law . Finally , Chris and his friend Grace joined us for a little while . Yes , that was group of 10 . It was a lot of fun , actually . That lasted for a few hours , and then we split off , Grace and Chris to go home the other group to do their own thing . We ended the day like we started it with just Angelique and me . Unfortunately , we didn 't get as much done as we would have liked . Part of it was the bigger group , but part of it was the crowds . We didn 't get to Splash Mountain ( closed on us twice ) . Star Tours was never less than an hour wait and the fast pass was a long time out . While we did part of Fantasyland , we never made it to Peter Pan because of the line . And yet the day was fun . The two newbies in the group seemed to really enjoy themselves . We spent some time on Tom Sawyer Island , and that was fun Posted by In the last three years , my office location has moved four times . First it was to a nice , big office . It 's been to two smaller offices since then . And today , it was to a cubical . Now , you have to understand , my entire working life ( 14 years ) , I 've had my own office . That 's something that surprised me to start with but now I 've grown quite used to it . I listen to music softly all day . I shut the door to change clothes really quick some times . And it gives me more room to spread things out . Now I 'm certainly blessed with a large cubical . I 've got more desk space than I used to have . But I have less storage space for things like financial statements that I 'm expected to hold on to . That part is definitely going to be a problem . Plus I feel like I have no privacy . Anyone walking down the hall can see exactly what I am working on . yes , I have some walls , but I 'm pretty much right out in the middle of everyone . I remember at the time , I wondered just how long I 'd be posting at this site . I 've never been a regular journal writer , so I thought I might give it up rather quickly . But I 've stuck with it . And actually , I 've found I like having a way to go back and figure out when something happened . After all , for a while I timed life events by where I was living . But since I 've been in my condo for 8 and a half years now , that gets fuzzy . Yes , even with the succession of roommates I 've had . But with way , I can pin point exactly when something happened . Of course , since this is public , I am a little more careful about what I share . I know , I only have a couple of regular readers , but I would hate for someone to see this and be hurt by something I posted , even years later . I realize this creates some confusion at times , but that 's the way it has to be . At times , I 've tried to change the focus of the blog slightly , but I always come back to it being more of a journal . You can see my evolution of interests as the years go by . I know I 'd get more interest if I stuck to one topic , but I 'm not sure if I have enough to say on any one topic to make a regular blog of it . presence with his attitude at the end . But I 'm wondering what Neal will do if he is freed . Will he go straight or will he return to the can see how it messed up everyone 's lives . And yet it was indeed an accident . I was completely mislead from the previews . I thought Siobhan and Bridget would come face speaking of which , they 'd better not be breaking up HankMed permanently . That 's quite the interesting ending . And I really did feel sorry for Hank as he Okay , so it seems like I am now more tired about the two loop circute than I used to be , but that still makes me very happy . It means I am half way to the half marathon distance and it 's still six months away . Hopefully , this will give me a good base when I start increasing my mileage . I 'm going to go to 7 in March and then a mile a month from there . I hope that works better for me than adding a mile a week in a panic like I did last year when I was trying to train for Tough Mudder . Heck , I 'm already ahead of the game as long as I keep this up . Part of it is my lack of self - control . I think I 'm getting ready for bed early , and I hop on the internet really quickly and next thing I know an hour has gone by . Or I 'm staying out late doing things with friends . But part of it is that I am having trouble sleeping . If I do make it to bed early , I can 't fall asleep . And on the rare occassions when I can sleep in , I wake up at my normal time . It 's not like I 'm not getting any sleep . I 'm getting 5 to 6 hours a night . But I would really like to be getting closer to 7 . And I take a 20 minute nap most days on my lunch hour . for more than one episode or the two parter . And was it just me , or did we never find out who the first victim was ? Watching Beckett in full on jealous mode was the painting , but I loved the journey . Playing basketball was a classic . Turns out I 'm not the worst person ever at that game . Great episode . And I suddenly realized that the president in more danger , which is a good sign . And how cool was Birkhoff holding a gun ? Definitely looking forward to the next episodes , whenever it turns out First , let me explain . When I was on youth staff at church , I played dodge ball a lot , usually with volleyballs . I grew tired of it quickly . And I 've never been a super fan of trampolines . And yet when Chris invited me to try a combo of the two , I was intrigued enough that I had to give it a shot . It turned out to be lots of fun . There were around 10 of us playing . The balls they used were so soft it didn 't actually hurt when I got hit in the face . And I found bouncing on the trampoline to be quite fun . I would have absolutely loved it had I not been worried about my knee , which has been bugging me off and on since my run on the beach . But it 's doing great today , so I didn 't need to worry about it . Speaking of throwing , I can 't believe how soar my arm is today . That 's the only part that really is , but oh man I 'm shocked . It 's been getting worse as the day goes on , too , so we 'll see how playing ultimate tomorrow goes . I don 't think I 've mentioned that my brother is changing jobs and moving back to our home town ( along with his family obviously ) . They and Mom and Dad have spent this week driving them and their stuff from one location to another . Due to the cold weather , they took a longer , more southern route and wound up here in town . So I took yesterday off work . Yes , I could have gone into work in the afternoon , but I decided to spend the afternoon running , napping , and reading . It was wonderful . But even better was the morning . I got some time to visit with Mom and Dad before the rest of them were up . And then I got some time with my niece ! Okay , so everyone else was there , but it was fun . She smiled so big when she saw me . Yes , Uncle Mark is completely smitten with her . Unfortunately , we didn 't have much more than a couple hours together because they needed to get on the road so they could reach home last night . But it was still a great morning . I 'm thankful for bad weather so they had to come through town and their willingness to leave late so they could spend a little time with me . Two years ago when I was training for my first Camp Pendleton Mud Run , I got the idea to go to Santa Monica for a run along the beach . I found out that the distance between Santa Monica Pier and the Venice Pier and back was roughly 6 miles . ( I read 5 . 7 this weekend . ) Naturally , I decided that would be a blast to run . Head down there in my mud run clothes and when I get hot , take a break and jump in the water . Sort of a mud run on the beach . Actually , it all started when I was planning to do my long run on Friday night or Saturday morning . Also on the docket was a trip down to Redondo Beach to get the latest from Sue Ann Jaffarian . The weather was so nice on Thursday and Friday it made me want to be outside . And suddenly , I got to thinking I could go do the run then . Granted , I debated long and hard about it . Firstly , I 'm indecisive . Secondly , it was supposed to be cooler on Saturday . But I decided to go for it . And it was cooler . It was around 60 degrees . While I did jump in the water at the end , but just let my feet splash through the water until then . I didn 't quite do the pier to pier run . I knew of a metered lot part way down where I could park for much cheaper since I was only there for the run . So I started in the middle , ran to Venice , did the entire distance to Santa Monica , and then back to where I started . Okay , I did a little extra to say I ran 6 miles ( although I didn 't clock it so I don 't know if I actually made 6 miles or not ) . And it was so much fun . Yes , I ran barefoot . I think part of it was I was doing something I wanted to do for a while . And part of it was I was running some place different instead of my normal , familiar loop which can get a little boring . I thought my legs would be killing me afterwards , but they aren 't that bad . The back of one knee bothered me during ultimate yesterday , but that was it . Unfortunately , there was a part of that same leg that killed me when I tried to go for a run this morning , but it was fine for a walk . Hopefully , it will be fine for running Wednesday . All told , it was a great day . And I 'm hoping to do it again sometime when it 's warming so I can jump in the ocean along the way - maybe make it part of a longer day at the beach . Who knows of that will happen or not , but for now I 've done that much . but it got really intriguing half way through . So how did this woman from Nikita 's past create Division ? And what did she do to make Amanda so angry ? I 'm ready for the next one already . Last week I got quite a few review requests , so I have enough fodder for another couple weeks . This week they stopped coming . Maybe they realized I would be mocking them so backed off ? The book is aimed at kids who play video games . Again , not my normal reading material , although I am trying to read more kids books than I used to right now . I find them quite fun . But here 's the thing . The book being advertised doesn 't come out until May . That 's great - plenty of lead time if you want to request a copy for review . But it never offers a copy for review . The author does hope I will choose to review it for my readers , whoever they might be . Doesn 't reference my Amazon reviews , so this is an even more generic form letter than I normally get . Despite the idea to cut back to bowling only every other week , I 've gone bowling the last two Wednesdays . Why ? Well , because yesterday was my former roommate Daniel 's birthday , and he wanted to go bowling again . Last night , however , was a different matter . My roommate Spencer was on fire . I was a few points behind him on a couple games and ahead of him for a few frames once , but he won all seven games we played , most of them pretty handily . And you know what , last night was a blast . I 'm good friends with everyone who was there ( including a total of two former roommates ) . It was a night to be silly and let off some steam . With as little sleep as I 've been getting I shouldn 't have stayed out so late , but it was a huge stress release that I really needed and enjoy . I 've started getting so many requests to review books thanks to my reviews at Amazon that I thought I would share some of the funnier ones here occasionally . ( I think I did this once or twice in the past , but this might become a regular feature ) . These seem to have increased recently thanks to the self - publishing capabilities of Amazon . So here 's the first ( and the real inspiration . ) First of all , I want to thank you if you reviewed one of my previous novels [ Name of books removed ] I recognize that reviewing a novel is a very personal adventure , in addition to being taxing on your time and patience . If the experience of reviewing one of my novels was not unpleasant , then I am happy to offer a new novel for review . It is always my desire to offer a PDF to review , but I understand the need for a physical book in hand and gladly oblige such a request . I am also open to author interviews and giveaways . First , he doesn 't even bother targetting this to those who have reviewed a novel previously or not . Instead , it is so impersonal that he thanks those who have " if you have . " Way to make sure it sounds like a spam e - mail . I know if I had reviewed a previous book , it would make me feel so appreciated . Since I haven 't , I 'm okay with it . Usually , a review request will mention seeing my profile at Amazon , so at least they are targetting me because of that . Here , it sounds like he is hitting me up for promotion on my blog . How many author interviews and giveaways have you seen around here ? That 's what I thought . Here 's the thing . I recognized the name . I 've ignored him in the past ( most of the time , these just go in the trash ) . So maybe you need to try a different approach with people who have ignored you . Yes , this appears to be a zombie novel . How , let 's talk about targetting again . How many zombie novels and movies have I talked about here ? 0 . Guess how many that means I 've read . You guessed it . So again , why are you sending me a request when I 've ignored you in the past and you write something I don 't normally read ? I 'm an accountant by trade but a reviewer at heart . Top reviewer at Amazon . Love to read , watch TV and movies , and listen to music . And I 'm always looking to share and discuss what I am currently consuming .
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I 've never ever been one to get thoroughly involved in politics or other popular debatable topics . I have been classically conditioned to freeze like a deer in the headlights when I am confronted with my beliefs on these sorts of subjects for a few reasons . Firstly , I feel that politics in general is obviously a subject that many people are extremely passionate about . . . to the point where I often feel uncomfortable expressing myself in fear of being attacked by opposite view points . Discussing politics is , in essence , extremely similar to discussing religion , in my opinion . I believe that no one else has the right to tell you whether your opinion is right or wrong on these subjects because these topics are so subjective . They are directly based on the thoughts and feelings of each individual person . In my experience , many times when I have expressed a view antithetical to the one of my fellow conversationalist in the past , I have been immediately " attacked " for having the wrong thoughts and feelings . " Who is this person to tell me what I should be thinking or feeling ? " is the first thing that usually pops into my head . Because I feel so defensive , I usually shut my mouth and try to change the topic of conversation immediately because I tend to be extremely un - confrontational . Arguing and fighting is definitely at the bottom of my favorite things - to - do list ! The other reason why i tend to shy away from openly discussing my political views is because I openly admit that I am not educated enough on the fundamentals of politics to truly hold a debate - worthy conversation . Compared to those who feel an extreme passion for politics , I have a very poor understanding of what makes up our government and how it is able to operate efficiently . Besides the political science courses I took in college , I truly have no further education on our political system ( and to be honest , I have a hard time finding the desire to do much research on the subject . ) With all that said , I feel like I have had a more than huge interest in this uPosted by I 've always claimed to love layering , but I don 't think I ever really understood the true meaning of layering clothes until last night . I slept with a pair of socks on , sweat pants , a tank top , a long sleeve sleepshirt on top of that and to top it off slept with my UT ( go longhorns ! ) sweatshirt on ! I woke up this morning short of breath because I apparently wrapped my blankets too tightly around my face at some point during the night . When it was time to get ready for work and remove myself from my cocoon of hot blankets , taking that first step into the shower was one of the hardest things I 've had to do in a long time . It 's absolutely freezing in New York at the moment and I don 't think we 've hit the 30 's yet ! I think my teeth just chattered ! Whew ! Today I also realized that I stick out like a sore , cold thumb in this city . One of my customers told me this afternoon that I 'm going to have to invest in proper winter clothes because I wasn 't wearing warm enough leggings under my dress . Oh god . What do you mean , proper winter clothes ? Leggings aren 't going to cut it ? What do I do instead ? Is that what leg warmers are for ? What exactly is long underwear ? Can it be worn in public ? Earmuffs . . . really ? ? This is so confusing . . . Winter definitely is approaching quickly . I 'm going to have to get on this warm clothes thing FAST ! Thankgoodness my room in our new apartment will have a heater . I thought I 'd easily be able to handle the cold because I love sleeping in a chilly bedroom , but boy oh boy , I may have been wrong . Let 's see how I handle the 10 and 20 degree winter air ! Today I found out that I 've been approved for an adorable apartment that I found yesterday after a long day of home - searching ! It is a two bedroom pre - war apartment with tons of charm and a vintage feel in Astoria . . . PERFECT for Kate and I ! A huge calm has swept over me , it feels incredible knowing that I will have a place to call home . . . MY home ! ! ! No more of this room - surfing on a monthly basis . I move in on November 15th and Kate will finally be here at the beginning of December , so I won 't be there by myself for too long . I realized that I literally have NO furniture , haha ! I think Kate will be bringing some things of her own for our house and I might get my brother go through his place to see if he can find some random necessities of mine to bring along while he roadtrip 's up here with Kate and Matt . Gosh I can 't waittttttttttttttttttttt . . . . I feel like this is going to be a new New York beginning . I get to spend the beginning of November with Nicole for a few days , Thanksgiving with my mom , the first week of December with Kate , Matt , Keith and my brother and then my Dad and stepmom will be here in the middle of December . Also , Nicole , Jeff and Scott will be in Pennsylvania during the holidays so I am going to try to make my way out there for Christmas . It is going to be fantastic ! I 'm in high spirits . I better get to bed , but I will leave you with some pictures I took at Central park while I was visiting with Massimo and Francesco . I 'm so sorry that I haven 't written in a while . . . I 've been so busy ! ! ! ! Our store had a crazy week ( in a good way , though ! ) so I 've been here early each day trying to get everything back in order . This back office is like a second home . Unfortunately , this is also the only place where I can use a computer because my laptop at home is having a heart attack and might be on its last leg . I guess four years old is kind of old for a computer ? It hates me , or is having a bad case of hiccups , or . . . I have no idea . So , with the exception of trying to create blog posts on my phone , I thought I would do a quick update on here before I run to fulfill my caffeine addiction . This last week has been a lot of fun . The weather has cooled down a LOT . I 've been getting a ton of use out of my Fall coat and am enjoying the leggings and hats . It feels absolutely freezing to me but everyone is telling me this is only a small dose of what 's to come . In the grand scheme of winter , 49 degrees isn 't that chilly for NYC . On Monday , I went with my friend Ashley who i grew up with in Florida and her boyfriend Mike to the Bronx Zoo . Mondays are definitely the recommended day to go because there is literally no one there . Except for a brash run in with some folks who may or may not have been under the influence of SOMETHING in the gorilla habitat area , we had fun looking at all of the animals . The zoo is beautiful , it looks like a museum because it has tons of lovely white museum - esque buildings that house the birds and butterflies . Walking past the sea otters was sad because they reminded me of Sam when we 'd take him swimming in the river . Poor Sam . . . I wonder where my sweet dachshund is now . Sigh . Last night , however , was one of the best nights I 've had so far ! I have a couple of friends who belong to a band called The Canadians . Ironically , they are from Italy and my friend Jenna and I had discovered them during college when we were listening to Italian music to help with our grammar . At some point , we became email friends with one of the bandmatPosted by Yesterday was a pretty fun day . With the exception of P and I almost losing our minds because it was so quiet at the store , the day went by somewhat quickly . Reason being because my mom 's good friend from college , Bob , was in NYC and on his way to meet me at my store around 7 . He hadn 't seen me since I was about seven years old so it was definitely a funny experience seeing eachother again . He was in town to go to this showcase for his friend Nathan at The Annex ( which I think is in the villiage ) . After P and I finished closing the store , Bob and I hailed a taxi and headed downtown to find Nathan . We ventured into this dark little club where there were maybe 10 people hanging around . The woman who was putting on the showcase had just moved here from Austin too and lived right next to my neighborhood in Austin AND in Brooklyn ! Small world . We all chit chatted a bit and then Bob and I walked upstairs to watch Nathan from the balcony . He was pretty good ! It was a solo - acoustic thing and the whole point of the show was to sing for a record producer who was in town for that night . Nathan had a really beautiful voice and I was excited that he did a cover of one of my favorite songs , Landslide by Fleetwood Mac . His set lasted about 20 minutes , when it was over Bob and I had to leave pretty quickly because he had to catch a 9 : 15 train and it was 8 : 50 ! We rushed out to the corner , suitcases in tow , hailed a cab and once inside I got to say one of the things I 've always wanted to say , " We need to go to Grand Central . . . STAT ! ! " With that , the cabbie laid down on the gas and got us to the station in eight minutes ! We quickly rushed to Bob 's train with five minutes to spare , gave eachother hugs and with that , the two hour visit was over . I walked downstairs to the 7 line and headed back to Brooklyn . When I got home , I had a text from Keith telling me that his sister , Becca was going into labor ! I couldn 't believe it has been nine months already . When I first met her in college station she was barely pregnant at that point . I ePosted by Yesterday the sun was shining and there was a really wonderful breeze that was just cool enough to require a sweater . I had left my window open during the night and awoke to freezing toes and a red nose , but I would trade warm weather for this ANY day ! I put on my newest Betsey acquisition ( a gray plaid gauze tunic from last fall with puff sleeves and a square neckline ) , black tights , my new Frye boots and threw on my black leather handbag . The plan for the day was to head over to the upper west side . I had never been to the Columbus avenue area and I wanted to check out our competition stores . I took the L train to 8th avenue and then waited for the C train . Of course it was a weekend and the trains were all running on the wrong lines . I waited and waited , the C never came . Some ladies confusingly asked me what was going on so I told them the same shpeal others had told me when I first arrived to the city . " The trains run funky on weekends , I 'll show you the way ! " We got onto the A train and I gave them directions to the Magnolia cupcake bakery via their tourist subway map . I decided to get off on Columbus circle and walk the 15 blocks up to where I needed to go . The weather was just so nice and I couldn 't bear to be underground ! I walked up to around 72nd and Columbus Ave . The upper west side is absolutely beautiful . The brownstones and architecture are so old but very well taken care of . On that side of town I found TONS of high - end stores meshed with small cozy clothing boutiques . There was a restaurant every 20 feet and people were EVERYWHERE . I wish our store was in such a prime foot - traffic location ! We would be KILLING our goals . Sigh . Alas , I enjoyed the area , even if it did make me a little depressed that I didn 't get to spend time in such a cool neighborhood each day . From that street I realized that I was only a block away from central park and decided to trek over that way . Although I have only been there a few times now , I am always blown away by how gorgeous Central Park is . It literally pops out ofPosted by I have the most incredible friends and family . I came home just now after a busy Friday and a nice run at the gym to find a package sitting in front of my room . I dropped my enormous duffel bag and purse onto the floor and sat down to opened it up . Inside I found an adorable card accompanying 27 mixed cd 's that my best friend Jenna made me . I had told her a few days ago that all of my music had gotten deleted when my brother reformatted my computer . I can 't believe she did this for me . . . this must have taken forever ! ! ! Jenna , I love you ! ! My family and friends have been taking such great care of me , even from thousands of miles away . They always know how to cheer me up and instinctively know when to do it . This whole process of starting over somewhere completely new and on my own has been so much easier thanks to the wonderful people I am so lucky to have in my life . Thank you so much to my incredible parents , brother and best friends . My life would not be the same without you . The day ended in one of the strangest ways I 've ever experienced since I have worked in retail . It was a quiet Tuesday , like most Tuesdays in our store since my arrival to New York . I spent the early afternoon praying for a burst of people to storm into the boutique and buy whatever their hearts desired to help us make our goal for the day . Well , God definitely sent me a burst of something . . . and it came in the form of a 60 - something - year - old woman named Charlotte . At about 6 : 52 ( we close at 7 ) , a petite well - dressed woman with a blond bob and bright red lipstick walked into the store hauling a giant rolled up pink rug over her shoulder ( a modern day sex in the city inspired Jesus , maybe ? ) She dropped the heavy load off near the counter and started to browse through the racks of colorful clothing . I approached her and commented on how gorgeous her Yves Saint Laurent handbag was . From there , I had made a new best friend ! She grabbed me by the arm tenderly and led me around the store while telling me about her early days as a NYC fashionista . She started collecting BJ clothing in the early 70 's , many of which she still has to to this day . We have many customers who come in to the boutique because the funky clothing helps them reminisce about their early years and past love for fashion . However , I quickly realized that we could have been a store selling Polish Bratwurst , live poultry or Barry Manilow CDs and Charlotte could have found interesting stories to share about those things , too . She started to pick up speed at this point as she stumbled around the store . While she spoke to me , her hands flew wildly through the air like an orchestra conductor as she switched from subject to subject , often interjecting enthusiastically when she would see a piece of clothing that stood out to her . I began to collect a pile of dresses in my hands and started running them back and forth to the dressing room like it was some kind of baton relay race . It was about 7 : 09 at this point and I looked over to MG who was patiently standinPosted by This little guy ventured into our store the other day . His owner was a Russian model . I asked what his name was . " Putin " , she replied . Enough said . This morning was going to be a GLORIOUS morning . It was going to be the first day after a long 40 - hour week of hard work where I could sleep in a little later than usual and not worry about my alarm going off at 7am . I even stayed up a little later than usual last night because I knew I could bask in the glory of dim lighting the following morning on my semi - comfortable make - shift bed . Alas , my dream of peaceful slumber was completely obliterated at 7 : 45am when the angry Polish landlord from downstairs pounded vigorously on the front door to our apartment . The guy who is in charge of our rent is out of town and told me to give him the rent when he got back on Tuesday . This , unfortunately , had not been brought to our landlord 's attention and he wanted the rent NOW ( my share , anyway ) in CASH ! In a state of confusion , I deliriously slipped on a big sweater , jeans and a hat and walked 20 minutes in the cold to the closes Bank of America to get money . Eventually , I returned back to the house and gave Slawmomir ( that 's his name ) a chunk of $ 20 dollar bills . Here I am now , back on the floor staring at my alarm clock . I guess the only positive thing about this situation is that I get to say that in my lifetime , I was once awoken by a 6 foot 2 angry , red - faced Polish man shouting in a thick accent about money , young kids being irresponsible and Sundays being church days . Today was a wonderful Saturday ! It was really cold outside but M and I decided to leave the door open all day at work because I really think it creates more foot traffic when people can freely enter the shop . As funny as it sounds , I feel like people are intimidated to ring the buzzer and open the door on their own . They enjoy stealthily sneaking into the store when we 're not looking to avoid having to talk to sales people . When you think about it though , it just gives us more of an opportunity to talk to them if they actually step foot into the store in the first place , no matter which method they use to do so . Ah , the joy of retail ! This is what my psychology has resorted to during the slowest shopping season we 've seen in years . . . analyzing conversion rates and foot traffic ! ! After a crazy wealthy family from Mexico destroyed our store five minutes before we were about to close , I changed into my gym clothes because I was going to go for a treadmill jog at the gym . After getting out of my pretty clothes , washing off my makeup and packing up my bag , M and I left the store and I trekked over to the gym . To my dismay , it was closing at 8 which wouldn 't give me enough time to workout . I guess most people have better things to do on a Saturday night , but I was really looking forward to a good run ! ! Instead , I hopped onto the train which took me down to Times Square . I walked over to the biggest movie theater I 've ever been in and bought a ticket to see Nick and Norah 's Infinite Playlist . Going to the moves by yourself is actually really fun . This is the second one I 've seen solo since I 've been here . I think it should turn into a once - a - week kind of routine . It 's a nice stress reliever and since I don 't have a television , it gives me a chance to see what else is happening in the entertainment world ! I lovedddddddd the soundtrack to the movie , it 's playing via itunes on my computer right now . Sigh . Tomorrow will be a good day . I am waking up early , heading to Manhattan to go to the gym and from there I 'm going to checPosted by . . . until my day off ! I 've got the itch to explore during Sunday and Monday . This past week was difficult for a number of reasons . However , I think the things that were causing the last seven days to be overwhelming are finally behind me and I am ready to get into the groove of the New York City life that I had started to develop before the craziness began . Today was a quiet Friday at the store , but we are doing well for the month so far ! We are 22 % up for October , so that 's great . I spent the day finishing up paperwork , re - merchandising our store with the girls and helping one of my associates re - do her resume . She 's trying to get a merchandising position in the corporate office . It felt good to edit someone 's paper , just like I used to do in my English courses , ha ! It is starting to get pretty chilly up here . Today was really the first day since I 've been here that really felt like Fall to me . Granted , I don 't really know what Fall feels like entirely , but the sky was gray and there was a crispness to the air that I haven 't felt before . By the end of October I am most definitely going to need a good pair of boots and a nice coat ! We received a shipment of winter cold - weather accessories today . I can 't wait to wear my hats , scarves and ( for the first time ) . . . mittens ! ! Alrightttttttttt . . . . I 'm exhausted . Time for bed . I hope everyone is doing well . I miss you all so terribly much . Sometimes it 's all that I think about . five little things that made my week . 1 . these peas and beans . { because , well , they 're growing ! } 2 . this sunscreen . { so . many . recommendations . i bought t . . . A few weeks ago , at work , I overheard : Is there anything that Marysol can 't do ? The answer : Of course , she can 't relax . ( Since then I have also prove . . .
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Alan loves the beach . More than a weekend respite , it is his home , his refuge , his sanctuary . And for most of the year , he strolls the sand in blissful solitude , letting nature - and no one else - touch him . But spring has given way to summer , and soon , the annual invasion of vacationers and tourists will subdivide the beach with blankets , umbrellas , and chairs , depriving Alan of his privacy and seclusion - the fundamental touchstones of his life . Now I will turn the Lair over to Ms . Jaye . . . I hope you enjoy what she has to say ! ! And beware at the end there is a giveaway . . . . . . . Only if you are good ! ! * Evil wink * " Make a wish ! " Many of us hear those words spoken every year , just before we blow out the candles on a brightly - lit birthday cake . It 's fun to fantasize about what our lives could be like if we had more money , or fame , or talent . But how many of us have actually considered the results of crafting our own destiny - especially the consequences that could arise from taking fate into our own hands ? It 's a question that Alan , the main character in The Beach , must answer when he begins to consider the possibility of creating a new and very different future for himself . In the following excerpt , Alan is having a conversation with Efil , an unusual stranger who professes to have the ability to fulfill Alan 's fantasy . " I believe we were discussing the details of your desired outcome . " Efil clasped his hands together , forming a steeple with his index fingers . " The specifics of which had something to do with reducing the number of people within the immediate vicinity . " " It isn 't necessary to re - visit those circumstances . I now have a much better idea of what you desire . Your goal is to prevent others from having access to this specific stretch of sand . Is that correct ? " Alan hesitated . If Efil was asking , it was probably for Efil 's benefit . Alan commended himself for catching it . He would proceed with caution . " I 'm not sure . . . about all of them . " Alan walked to the kitchen window and stared at the still - paralyzed landscape . If I hand - picked the crowd , I could keep the numbers to a comfortable minimum and surround myself with a better class of people . People who I might enjoy being around . People like . . . me . " No , not a specific number . I want to choose who stays and who goes . " " I don 't care what happens to them . I just want them gone . Permanently . Give them leprosy or turn them into shark bait . It makes no difference to me . " Not at all , " Efil replied . " Simply a necessary disclosure , required when a client has relegated the power to inflict injury , illness , malady , or disease . So how shall we begin ? Who will be the first to be purged ? " Alan loves the beach . More than a weekend respite , it is his home , his refuge , his sanctuary . And for most of the year , he strolls the sand in blissful solitude , letting nature - and no one else - touch him . But spring has given way to summer , and soon , the annual invasion of vacationers and tourists will subdivide the beach with blankets , umbrellas , and chairs , depriving Alan of his privacy and seclusion - the fundamental touchstones of his life . Resigned to endure another seasonal onslaught of beach - goers , Alan believes there is nothing he can do but prepare for the worst . But fate has other plans . Author Bio : Jaye Frances is the author of The Kure , a paranormal - occult romance novel , The Possibilities of Amy , a coming - of - age romance , The Cruise - All That Glitters , a humorous adult satire about looking for love at sea , and The Beach , a sci - fi fantasy about a man who is given the opportunity to receive his ultimate wish and lives to regret it . She is also a featured columnist for the NUSA SUN magazine . Born in the Midwest , Jaye readily admits that her life 's destination has been the result of an open mind and a curiosity about all things irreverent . When she 's not consumed by her writing , Jaye enjoys cooking , traveling to all places tropical and " beachy " and taking pictures - lots of pictures - many of which find their way to her website . Jaye lives on the central gulf coast of Florida , sharing her home with one husband , six computers , four cameras , and several hundred pairs of shoes . For more information , visit Jaye 's website at www . jayefrances . com , or Jaye 's Blog at http : / / blog . jayefrances . com Why don 't you tell us a little about yourself . . . . Something that we cannot Google about you , lol ! Since you are a new to me author , I am hoping to bring you to the light of others ! So share away ! I 'm an English teacher turned stay - at - home mom turned romance writer . I never dreamed I 'd be in publishing , but life has a way of turning things topsy - turvy and I wouldn 't change it for anything . I 've got a supportive husband , two wild rugrats , and a handful of furry children . Tell us a little about your book ? Tortured by demonic voices , Dante 's soul is as black as they come . But when he meets Ariana - an innocent vampire fighting demons of her own - he second - guesses everything he 's ever known about sacrifice , passion , and soul - scorching love . Before Dante wages war against Crimson Bay 's greatest threat , he must make a choice : love Ariana the way she deserves , risking her life in the process - or fight to protect her , unleashing the monster he 's determined to bury . How much emotion does it take from you to write ? I wouldn 't say that writing takes emotion away from me . In order to get into a really emotional scene , I have to go there . I usually need to write in a quiet place to focus on putting myself in the heads and hearts of the characters . Once the scene is finished , I 'm not drained or weary . I 'm roarin ' to go on the next chapter ! What is your favorite part of the book ? There 's a fight scene between a handful of vampire elders . Each elder has a maware ( a power bestowed upon them in the Ever After ) that he uses in the fight . It 's pouring down rain . An elder discovers his maware for the first time . Tensions boil over . Blood is spilled . Yeah , it 's pretty sweet . Easiest - Dante . I tend to write heroes more easily than heroines . He came to me first , and twisted my arm until he became one of my favorites . ( Dante actually is a secondary character in Vamped Up , Book # 2 in the series . ) Hardest - Savage . He 's the vampire - shifter villain in the story , and although I usually write villains pretty well , this was the first book where he didn 't have a point of view . I left his point of view out in order to better focus on the relationship between Dante and Ariana . Not seeing what he was doing behind the scenes made it difficult to create a sense of urgency . He 's about to attack ! But how do we know ? I think I solved the problem , but that was definitely a hurdle I had to climb . How many books are you shooting for in this series ? This will most likely be the final book in the Vampires of Crimson Bay series . There is a possibility for other spin - off books , but those aren 't on the radar yet . What are you currently working on ? I 'm writing Demand of the Dragon ( Novella # 3 in the Isle of Feralon series ) for Harlequin Cravings . The novellas are short ( 60 - 100 pages ) and include an enchanted world of dragons , werewolves , and merfolk . They 're steamier than the Vampires of Crimson Bay series , but definitely share the level of world - building . What 's one thing that you enjoy about writing ? I 've always loved studying the use of language . When I taught English , one of my favorite units was creative writing . It 's a really cool feeling to write a scene from one perspective , realize it doesn 't work , spin it , flip it , manipulate the words , and come out of a death - spiral with something really amazing . Since we 're cover hussies . . . . what was your first impression of your cover ? I held my breath . I zoomed in on every inch . I absolutely loved it . I think my first word was , " Oooooh ! " And what has been your best b - day present ever ? Husband gave me an iPod years ago , when they first came out . I secretly wanted one , but didn 't say anything because they were pretty pricey . He had " Two peas in an iPod " engraved on the back . Sweetheart , that man . Hard and Quick Time ! Don 't think . . . Just answer ! Okay , before we go this route , I will get us a refill on our drinks . . . I will be right back . . . Thanks so much for the refill ! I 'm ready ! If you were here yesterday , you saw my review for Davenport . . . Well , I am hoping I teased you enough to want to learn more about the woman responsible for writing that book and many others . . . Please put together a warm , smutty welcome for . . . . Why don 't you tell us a little about yourself . . . . Something that we cannot Google about you , lol ! Since you are a new to me author , I am hoping to bring you to the light of others ! So share away ! I 'm a forty - something year old mom of two young kids , I 've been married to my soul mate for fourteen years , and I 've been in the lifestyle more than twenty years . He 's a Dom and a sadist , which works out well since I 'm a masochist , and submissive to him . We did the extreme 24 / 7 TPE thing for a while before kids , but these days things are pretty relaxed during the day and we only play once the kids are asleep . Safeword : Matte was fun to write . Sure , it took some emotion , but it was all good . My most recent books , Safeword : Davenport and Safewords : Davenport and Chiffon , had me a snotty , crying mess while I wrote them . . . and on every editing pass , too . The flogging scene during the thunderstorm . It 's loosely based on something that actually happened , though it was in a vacation cabin on a mountain near Gatlinburg , Tennessee , and didn 't involve the pseudo fight ahead of time . It was a magical afternoon and evening , as we watched and heard the storm coming , and then enjoyed the energy of the wind and thunder and lightning as it arrived and became part of the scene we were playing out on the screened in porch . I 'm glad I was able to share parts of it through my writing . Ethan was pretty easy to write . I 've dated someone as endowed as him ( yes , men can actually be that big ) , and I 've dated several guys as tall and muscular as him . I enjoyed adding the physical aspects in with the personality I gave him . Most women haven 't been carried in someone 's arms , cradled safely as they completely relax , since they were children . And men who are built like Ethan generally either use their size to scare people , or spend a good deal of effort trying to assure people they 're safe around them . Ethan uses his size to intimidate people in sanctioned fights , but in everyday situations goes out of his way to not scare people . My most difficult character of all of my books has been Dana , from the two Davenport books . She started out as me , in a story I never intended to offer to the public . While my husband was in the hospital and we weren 't sure he was going to make it , I wrote the beginnings of a story of how someone 's life might look a year and a half after she 'd lost her husband . I believe time heals all wounds , so it was kind of my way of convincing myself I 'd be okay , eventually , if he didn 't pull through . Once the doctors finally started talking about him eventually going home , I stopped writing on the book , and it was about a year before I returned to it . I 've changed things enough so Dana isn 't " me " , but there are still a lot of similarities , and I 'm so close to the story . . . it was hard . Wow , thank you for sharing that with us . And for those of you that have not read Davenport 's stories yet . . . Dana is a woman who is strong and knows what she wants . . . But also knows what it is like to lose her heart . My heart went out for her . . . How many books are you shooting for in this series ? ? I don 't have a specific number . At this point , I have lots of ideas for stories in this series , but I don 't know how many of them I 'll actually write . What are you currently working on ? Writing allows me to share experiences not a lot of people get to ( or want to ) experience in real life . It allows me to explore emotions and sensations out loud , so others can be a part of it . I love creating my characters , getting to know them , and then watching them on their journey to find a relationship that works for them . I loved it . Seriously , it 's Ethan . I kind of wish he didn 't have the thing on his head , but even that ended up working out , since he 's bald in part of the book and has hair in part of it . Oh , ebooks , definitely . Someone let me borrow a hardback recently , and I was so frustrated with it . It was heavy , and took two hands to wield - one to hold the book and another to turn the pages . When my eyes got tired I couldn 't make the font bigger . I couldn 't put it in a ziplock baggie and safely read in the tub with the jets going . And I had to leave the light on at night to read ( normally I switch from Kindle to Droid tablet when my husband goes to sleep , so we can turn the light off ) . Oh , and I had to find a bookmark if something interrupted me , and it was HUGE to carry around in my purse . I hadn 't realized how spoiled I 'd become with ebooks . I will eventually dive into Urban Fantasy . It 's not so much I 'm apprehensive to try it , as it is that I 've got a few ideas but haven 't fully cemented the series in my head yet . Also , I 'm still having a blast with the safeword series , and I 'm not ready to explore another genre just yet . KISS FM , a Chattanooga radio station . My oldest daughter 's choice , and it 's piped throughout the house at the moment . They are currently playing , " Whatever doesn 't kill you makes you stronger " . Back from the Undead , by DD Barant . It came out in March , but I 'm just now getting around to reading it . I love the worldbuilding in this series , and adore the smart - assed main character and her smart - assed plastic partner ( animated by the life force of a t - rex , so don 't let the plastic bits fool you ) . The books in this series make me laugh and think . Not much sex , but that 's okay . I 'm not sure I have a favorite holiday . I enjoy parts of Christmas and don 't enjoy other parts of it . I love Thanksgiving , but used to hate the whole Friday shopping thing . Now I shop online and get great deals , so it 's not so bad anymore . My husband and I had our first vanilla date on the Fourth of July - we went hiking that day and went to an outdoors concert that night , ending in fireworks , so it 's still kind of special . He found some sweet gum balls on the ground and used them like you 'd use a Wartenberg wheel to torture me during the concert . He only used it on my arms and legs , since we were in public , but it drove me crazy . And what has been your best b - day present ever ? ? Umm , I 'm in my mid - forties - I have no idea . The first thing that comes to mind is a road being opened . When I was young we had to travel fourteen miles of a winding two - lane road to get to town . Or school . Or the nearest store . They built a two - lane road beside it , and smoothed the hills and straightened the curves and we drove on it for a few years while they straightened and flattened the original two lanes . The official four - lane road opened for the first time on my eighteenth birthday , which I thought was pretty cool . It turned what was usually a twenty - five minute drive into a fifteen minute drive . Hard and Quick Time ! Don 't think . . . Just answer ! Okay , before we go this route , I will get us a refill on our drinks . . . I will be right back . . . You know you do . . . Quickie time . . . Think fast . . . . Are you a quickie kind girl ? Quickies have their place - it 's occasionally nice to be ordered to bend over the sofa with no foreplay . It 's not my favorite , but it 's hot every once in a while . What 's ur fave drink - in a glass or on him ? Alcoholic drink ? Jack and Coke . In a glass , of course . He 's kind of a clean freak - it 's okay to put messy stuff on me , but not on him . Junk or Health Food ? I 'm a vegetarian , and most of the time I eat healthy stuff . I 'm not opposed to chocolate flavored protein bars , though . I love the Luna Protein Mint Chocolate bars . Yummmm . I generally only do junk food at birthdays and holidays , where I go all out , while I 'm at it . Ties or Chains ? I have to choose ? Ties in our bedroom , because they are the most practical and they don 't damage anything . In a club , I love the sound and feel of chains , though . Soft or Hard . . . Bed , where was your mind ? Soft . Very soft , with a pillowtop . I have funny stories of my kids ' reactions to the beds in China , where it 's believed a soft bed makes you soft . If you ever travel to China , ask for a western bed . We tend to travel off the beaten path , where there are no western beds available , though . On our last trip , one of our kids chose to sleep on top of DH the whole time - LOL . Vampire or Werewolf ? Depends on the author . I prefer the wolves in the Twilight world , the vampires in Jeaniene Frost 's world , the shifters in Ilona Andrews ' world . Twitter and / or Facebook ? Yes , both . http : / / www . facebook . com / candacesblevins and Safeword : Davenport Dana has never submitted to anyone but her husband - he trained her , taught her to submit . He 's been dead a year and a half though , and she 's beginning to consider the possibility of dating again . She sticks to vanilla at first , but quickly realizes she 's going to need more . As she 's considering the idea of finding someone who would enjoy hurting her without requiring her submission , her life is complicated by a Dom who pushes all of her buttons . months ago , Libby Jones parked her motorcycle in Temptation , Texas , to work at the Ugly Stick Saloon . Since then she 's grown to love the bar 's feeling of family , but now it 's time to hit the road . The longer she stays , the greater the risk her father 's investigators will track her down . Yet she can 't resist taking the Gray Wolf twins up on their offer to go riding on their ranch . Even though getting involved should be the last thing on her mind . Ever trying to capture her attention . She 's blown them off at every turn , until now . Their plan : expose her to the delights only twins can provide - and persuade her to stay for the long haul . Libby 's longing for a life she can 't have makes her delay her departure just a heartbeat too long . Her hesitation gives her past time to walk through the saloon door , and all hell to break loose . Now the twins have a fight Eight months ago , Libby Jones parked her motorcycle in Temptation , Texas , to work at the Ugly Stick Saloon . Since then she 's grown to love the bar 's feeling of family , but now it 's time to hit the road . The longer she stays , the greater the risk her father 's investigators will track her down . Ever since Libby landed at the Ugly Stick , Mark and Luke Gray Wolf have been trying to capture her attention . She 's blown them off at every turn , until now . Their plan : expose her to the delights only twins can provide - and persuade her to stay for the long haul . Libby 's longing for a life she can 't have makes her delay her departure just a heartbeat too long . Her hesitation gives her past time to walk through the saloon door , and all hell to break loose . Now the twins have a fight on their hands to teach her that being free doesn 't mean she can 't let go of her heart . How much emotion does it take from you to write ? Depends on the scene I 'm writing . If it involves ripping the heart out of the characters , I can come away depressed . If it 's humor , I could be laughing at my desk or at least smiling . If I 'm writing an action scene , my fingers fly across the keyboard and I come away exhausted and exhilarated . I love the interaction between Mark , Luke and Libby . Mark and Luke are like Ying and Yang to each other . As twins , they know each other so well they can anticipate each other 's thoughts . Mark and Luke were easy to write . They were so much alike , being twins , yet so different . Libby was more difficult as she had the most to lose in the story . Her freedom which she desperately wanted to maintain . Yet she 'd found a place she felt safe yet unconfined , Temptation , Texas and the Ugly Stick Saloon . Until I run out of characters ! And more keep popping up . I love coming back to the Ugly Stick Saloon and would like to keep coming back for a long time . I write as Elle James for Harlequin Intrigue and I 'm writing cowboy mysteries . I have 4 books to complete by end of year . But as Myla Jackson , I have 2 more books coming soon ( I hope ) to continue the Ugly Stick Saloon Series . BOOTS AND BAREBACK is scheduled to release October 23 at Samhain . I introduce the O ' Briens and we see Isabella ( Bella ) Severs at the Ugly Stick . I 'll have a short story release Independently prior to its release with Jesse O ' Brien and his girl Ellie Lang . Definitely being my own boss . I like the flexibility of my schedule and I LOVE living the lives of my characters one story at a time . If you think reading is an escape , try writing . It takes me to great places and I meet the darnedest people ! Since we 're cover hussies . . . . what was your first impression of your cover ? The first round was the best with a really wicked biker chick on it , but then they couldn 't use that photo as it was used on another book too recently . . . sigh . Then they found the two hot dudes and the red - head with an attitude and I LOVED it ! This is soooo the characters in the book . I 'm quickly becoming an e - book fan . I love that I can read from my iPhone , Kindle or my husband 's Ipad and the app syncs it to where I left off . I can turn the pages so easily and it 's easy to find a book to read at the touch of a finger ! Action adventure ! Like Clive Cussler books . And Young Adult . It 's not apprehension so much as time . I don 't have time in my schedule right now , but I hope to in the future . Okay . . . . personal time ! ! ! ! Oh yeah , I go there . . . Hahah . . . If you thought you were safe . . . Nah . . . Forget it . . . Not a chance ! We will start off slow and easy , I promise ! Hard and Quick Time ! Don 't think . . . Just answer ! Okay , before we go this route , I will get us a refill on our drinks . . . I will be right back . . . of Audrey 's arms circled Jackson 's shoulders as she rode him , leaning close to kiss the side of his neck . In her other hand , she held a long leather whip . She glanced across the room , her gaze connecting with Libby 's . Audrey winked and flicked the whip , a loud crack splitting the air . breath hitched and she stepped back , just enough so she couldn 't see . Heat rose from her chest into her cheeks . She 'd never spied on another couple having sex . But Jackson and Audrey had looked so very hot and sexy , and the kink factor of the whip made Libby 's blood burn . Savage : The Daughters of the Jaguar - Book One The year is 1983 . Christian is 22 years old when he leaves his home in Denmark to spend a year in Florida with a very wealthy family and go to med - school . A joyful night out with friends is shattered by an encounter with a savage predator that changes his life forever . Soon he faces challenges he had never expected . A supernatural gift he has no idea how to embrace . A haunting family in the house next door . A spirit - filled girl who seems to carry all the answers . An ancient secret hidden in the swamps of Florida . One life never the same . One love that becomes an obsession . Two destinies that will be forever entangled . Just for your information . . . A delicious sweet treat - I am planning on lowering the price for Savage to 99 cent from Aug 22nd for a limited time . And I am also doing a campaign for my other series called Afterlife and I am putting up Beyond - the first book in the series for free for three days starting on Wednesday 22nd as well and will sell the rest of the books for only 99 cent too ! ! Reviews I have received so far : " I loved this book . It was easy to get swept away with the story . There were ups and downs for all involved . But though there were trials and tribulations that Christian must face , on the whole , this story was a joy to behold . You follow Christian through from being a young ' Casanova ' to being a more mature young man who finally knows what it 's like to feel true love . But it 's not just a love story . And not all is as it seems . This is a Paranormal Romance - there are secrets to be told . Are you ready to listen ? " Wow . . . Im a little stunned right now to be honest . . because the lovely Willow Rose has actually done what I didn 't really think was possible anymore . Stun me so much that I actually have to think about the message of the book ( . . . ) I hope this review will get you to pick up the book because thats not a decision you will regret if you like : splendid writing , adorable characters and an ending that will leave you wanting more ( I know I did ) ! " " Savagely good ! The cast of characters is diverse and interesting , and the interesting aspects of Native American culture and myth that Rose writes about are fascinating . " - Open Book Society I removed my clothes and followed her into the cold water that sprang from the center of the earth in a spring somewhere further north and therefore had the same temperature all year around . " Are there any animals in this water ? " I asked as she carefully took me by the hand and led me in . " There might be manatees , " she said with a shrug . " What about alligators ? " I asked and turned as I thought I heard something move behind me in the water . " Someone told me that there are alligators in all waterholes in Florida . " She laughed . " There might be , but we rarely see them . Besides . It just makes it that more exciting , right ? " She pulled my hand and drew me close to her . Our bodies felt warm against each other , her skin was soft , and touching it made me forget about animals in the water and the sounds of nature . I even forgot about my concerns as to hurting her and disappointing her parents . All I could think about was her and me , here right now in this water that was caressing our bodies . I kissed her again and held her naked body close to mine while allowing the passion to rise in me . Suddenly she pulled away from me . " Stop , " she whispered urgently . I looked at her and saw that the expression on her face had suddenly changed . " What 's wrong ? " I asked sensing that my voice was shaking slightly . If it was out of fear or caused by the arousal I didn 't know . " I thought I heard something . " " Like what ? " She shook her head while her expression cleared . She smiled . " It was probably nothing . " Willow Rose writes Paranormal Romance , fantasy and mystery . Originally from Denmark she now lives on Florida 's Space Coast with her husband and two daughters . She is a huge fan of Anne Rice and Isabel Allende . When she is not writing or reading she enjoys to watch the dolphins play in the waves of the Atlantic Ocean . In Savage we meet Christian who is a young man torn between the world of science and the world of magic . He has left his country of Denmark and is going to Florida to go to med school . He meets Aiyana who is a spirit - filled girl living in a completely different world than he is . Her family is descendants from the Timucua Indians that lived in Florida before the Spaniards came . They live in a world of magic , music and laughter and Christian feels so drawn to them . At the same time he has a violent encounter with a savage beast in the swamps of Florida , an encounter that makes him doubt everything he has always believed . It takes everything I have . I always feel like I am giving a huge part of me once I publish a novel . I put an extremely high amount of emotion in every book and I have a tendency to feel everything the main character is feeling . It is quite exhausting from time to time . What is your favorite part of the book ? The parts where Christian meets with the jaguar in the swamps . I love those scenes . You can only pick 3 words for your main characters . . what would they be ? * to describe your main characters * The easiest was Halona . The little sister to Aiyana that Christian falls helplessly in love with . She was fun because she is so special . She hasn 't spoken a word in several years , not since she predicted her older sister 's death . Instead she uses telekinesis - she moves things around with the will of her mind . How many books are you shooting for in this series ? ? I will write three books about the main character Christian . It is sort of a family - saga really . In the first book he is in his twenties and so is the woman he falls in love with . In the second book they have kids of their own and are in their thirties . In the last book they will have young teenagers . I am also planning on doing a book about Aiyana , the spirit - filled Native American girl that he falls hopelessly in love with . About her and when she first discovers who and what she really is . I might also do a book about her sister who does telekinesis and their grand - mother who predicts natural disasters . I love those characters so much that they each deserve their own book . The way I can disappear into a world I have created and into the minds of my main characters . I never know where time went once I am done for the day . Since we 're cover hussies . . . . what was your first impression of your cover ? I loved it immediately . My husband does my covers and he always reads the book first so he knows what kind of emotion I am going for . What do you prefer ebooks or paperbacks ? That 's a little difficult to answer cause I love both . I adore the feeling of holding a real book in my hands but I find e - books so much easier . I always carry my Kindle with me where ever I go and I always have all of my books in it at the same time . I can read several books at the same time and it weighs next to nothing . Is there a genre you would like to write but are a little apprehensive to try ? I used to feel that about paranormal romance and romance . I used to write mystery - novels and I thought that was all I could . But now I write everything . Mystery , fantasy , paranormal , anything that I feel like doing . I always listen to James Blunt while I write . It 's a little odd because I never listen to him otherwise . But I love writing with him in my ears for some reason . I think it os because his lyrics make me feel something . What are you reading right now ? I live in Florida where every day is a potential beach - day so every season is wonderful . My favorite is spring and fall though . Because that 's when Florida is perfect . Hard and Quick Time ! Don 't think . . . Just answer ! Okay , before we go this route , I will get us a refill on our drinks . . . I will be right back . . . Twitter and / or Facebook ? I am most to Facebook but use Twitter as well . Pinterest or not ? Not . Not yet . * * * Now for the giveaway . . . . * * * As Laird , Callum Lennon feels he has always failed to protect his cousins . Callum 's impulsiveness caused the death of his father and the experience has scarred not only his body , but his soul . From that point on , he made sure to always go with the more logical choice in every matter . When his younger cousin Angus finds clues that might help break the curse , Callum begrudgingly hires Phoebe Chilton to investigate . Callum doesn 't like bringing outsiders into their family affairs . Their life would become fodder for the tabloids if anyone were to find out about the curse . It doesn 't help that the instant he meets Dr . Chilton he 's attracted . But , he doesn 't really have a choice because she might be their last hope . An expert in archeology , Phoebe has always been dwarfed by her parents ' shadow . Their high standards had her in college by thirteen and earning a second PhD by twenty - two . But her career and her broken marriage have left her needing something more than just diplomas and degrees . She wants to prove that her interest in legends , especially Celtic legends , is as important as her parents ' work . When the Lennon family contacts her , she sees the opportunity to win a massive research grant . With a long - time rival breathing down her back , she jumps at the Lennons ' offer her , hoping it will ensure her the grant . But uncovering the Lennon family secrets , and her attraction to Callum , could prove more than she can handle . Okay first . . . Let me say that I am a huge fan of Ms . Melissa 's work ! Like a HUGE fan . . . She has never disappointed me . . . Her stories are riveting , enticing , alluring , lustful , hot and of course just all sorts of yummies . She weaves her stories in such a way that you will devour the story and not know what time it is . . . Her stories are so enthralling that you will want more , need more . . . crave more ! And this one is no exception ! Now secondly , I would like to thank all the people that Ms . Melissa thanked in her dedication because without them . . . I would have never been able to read this awesome story . Thank you guys for pushing Melissa to write this story . . . And Brandy for pushing her to publish it ! This story is just that awesome . . . Yes , ladies and gentlemen . . . This is a great . . . okay . . . scratch that . . Awesome way to introduce a new storyline . . . This is a story about two families that have been at odds with each other for centuries ; with no end in sight . Both families are cursed . . . but can the curse be broken . . . Enter in the picture one woman with one mission . . . To learn ! Phoebe is one woman who is no nonsense . She knows the rules of life ; so she plays the game very well . Never letting her heart get involved with anything other than artifacts . She lives , eats and breaths dig sites . She loves what she does with a passion . . . But her secret passion is with Celtic legends and when she is given the chance at getting an up - close look into the world of the Celtic legend she has studied all her life . . . how can she say no ! But at what price will it cost her to work with Callum and his family . . . . ? Callum and his family are different from the normal family . . . How you might ask . . . Well , they have been around for centuries . . . No , I don 't mean as in the family line has been around for that long . . . or can be traced back that far . . . No . . . They actually have been physically around for that long . They are cursed due to something that happened way back when . . Of course I cannot tell you what happened . . . I have to get you to read the story somehow right ? ! ? ! Well , anyway . . back to my review . . . Callum is not very trusting of the world . . . So , when he finds out that in order to even attempt to break this blasted ass curse , they have to bring in an outsider - well , let 's just say he is not pleased . . . Then when he finds out she is from England . . . Well , let 's just say he has a few choice words to say about that . . . But now . . . when this story kicked off , Melissa had me intrigued from the very first page . . . She wrapped me around this family and had me wanting to know what the hell was going to happen . . . Melissa did an awesome job at giving me what I needed in this book but giving me the surprise of knowing there is definitely more to come from this family and their adventures to solve this family curse . . . Now did I give away to much . . No , because believe me when I tell you Melissa will give you the ride of your life with this story when you read it ! Callum and his bad ass Scottish self . . . And he does look rather yummy in his kilt . . . And believe me the sex is . . . Well , it is all what is it made out to be - HOT ! This couple will rock your world ! There are lies , there are half truths . . . . There are plots of vengeance , plans of thievery . . . There are things in this story that will only wet your lips for what is to come in the next one . . Oh and did I mention that Callum has other family members . . . One female . . . but the other four . . . Well , they are men just like him . . . So , I am very anxious to read the next one to see what will happen to that family member because this story just gets better and better ! Melissa created strong characters . Ones that will stand up to each other . . . No one is over domineering . . . Well , wait a minute . . . Callum kinda is but he is all that a bag of chips - so he can be as domineering as he wants to be . . . Especially in bed ( Oh Yum ) ! ! She created the women just as strong as the men and just as tough to break as the men . The action in the story is enough to make it what you want to read but not to much to where that is all you are reading . . . The story is done in taste and style that is all Melissa ! Okay . . . When is book two coming out honey ? ? ? People like me want to know . . . You know you have teased us and taunted us enough . . . . Trust me when I tell you , you are going to devour this story in two if not one day . . . My challenge to you . . . See if you can put it down ! To learn more about Melissa , please visit her website here ! You will surely enjoy yourself . . . After being passed over for a promotion at a Chicago advertising agency , Laura cashes in her stock options , quits her job , and moves to Prague . There , she begins an erotic romance with Byron , only to discover that he is German and his father was in the Hitler Youth . As an observant Jew , Laura has deep misgivings about becoming involved with the son of a Nazi , but the attraction between them is so strong that she cannot resist . " Have you read Fifty Shades of Grey ? Looking for more well written erotic romance novels ? Well look no further ! Lilou DuPont 's new book , Dangerous Love , is just that ! It is the story of two unlikely lovers , a Jewish woman and the son of a Nazi . DuPont 's adept description of the characters , the setting , and the erotic sex scenes will make this a book you won 't want to put down . This reader actually liked it better than Fifty Shades ! The sex scenes were more varied , the story line more developed , and it included some mystery , a kidnapping , and , most especially , a happy ending . I assure you , it will not disappoint ! " - Pamela Smart " A real page turner ! Take this book with you to your favorite café and drink some steamy latte . Who knows where it may take you ! " - Rachel B . " Enticing , exciting writing at its best ! Dangerous Love is not to be missed ! " - Tsaurah Litzky , author of The Motion of the Ocean Lilou DuPont graduated from Bryn Mawr College with a degree in Philosophy and studied Erotic Writing at The New School in New York City . She lives in Washington , DC where she enjoys a successful advertising career and a large circle of friends . Dangerous Love is her first novel . She is at work on her second book , a spy romance set in Bucharest , Romania . Vampires ? No . Gypsies ? Yes . fans of All I Want and More ! It is great to be here . This is the fifteenth and final stop of my three - week book tour . Dangerous Love , my debut novel , was released on 8 . 6 . 12 . " Travel to Eastern Europe . Under a Bohemian moon , you will find your way . " Laura ( the heroine ) actually says these words in the book . Dangerous Love will indeed transport you to Prague , Berlin , Vienna , Budapest , and other amazing cities . You will see them all as I did , but for free or the price of an eBook . Such a deal ! On a scale of one to ten , the heat factor is an eleven . Okay , I may be exaggerating a bit . But there are eleven sex scenes . No two are alike . Depending on how fast you read , that is one sex scene every fifteen to thirty minutes . and the son of a Nazi . It is also the story of the TRUE love between a Jewish American woman and the son of a Nazi . If you have ever struggled with wanting that one person who is off limits , then Dangerous Love is the book for you . * * * * You are more than welcome ! It was a joy to have you ! Thanks for coming over * * * * * Comment below and enter to win a Dangerous Love eBook or $ 5 eGift Card . Dangerous Love is available on Amazon , All Romance , Barnes & Noble , iTunes , and the Sony Reader Store . Books are my crack & I 'll gladly pimp myself out for them . Okay , maybe not myself . . . But some of my tribal men ! I love to READ - hello - that is why I am here ! ! ! I do review books . . . If you are interested in being here , just let me know ! ! ! I am sure there is something we can work our * * Evil laughter * *
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Alan loves the beach . More than a weekend respite , it is his home , his refuge , his sanctuary . And for most of the year , he strolls the sand in blissful solitude , letting nature - and no one else - touch him . But spring has given way to summer , and soon , the annual invasion of vacationers and tourists will subdivide the beach with blankets , umbrellas , and chairs , depriving Alan of his privacy and seclusion - the fundamental touchstones of his life . Now I will turn the Lair over to Ms . Jaye . . . I hope you enjoy what she has to say ! ! And beware at the end there is a giveaway . . . . . . . Only if you are good ! ! * Evil wink * " Make a wish ! " Many of us hear those words spoken every year , just before we blow out the candles on a brightly - lit birthday cake . It 's fun to fantasize about what our lives could be like if we had more money , or fame , or talent . But how many of us have actually considered the results of crafting our own destiny - especially the consequences that could arise from taking fate into our own hands ? It 's a question that Alan , the main character in The Beach , must answer when he begins to consider the possibility of creating a new and very different future for himself . In the following excerpt , Alan is having a conversation with Efil , an unusual stranger who professes to have the ability to fulfill Alan 's fantasy . " I believe we were discussing the details of your desired outcome . " Efil clasped his hands together , forming a steeple with his index fingers . " The specifics of which had something to do with reducing the number of people within the immediate vicinity . " " It isn 't necessary to re - visit those circumstances . I now have a much better idea of what you desire . Your goal is to prevent others from having access to this specific stretch of sand . Is that correct ? " Alan hesitated . If Efil was asking , it was probably for Efil 's benefit . Alan commended himself for catching it . He would proceed with caution . " I 'm not sure . . . about all of them . " Alan walked to the kitchen window and stared at the still - paralyzed landscape . If I hand - picked the crowd , I could keep the numbers to a comfortable minimum and surround myself with a better class of people . People who I might enjoy being around . People like . . . me . " No , not a specific number . I want to choose who stays and who goes . " " I don 't care what happens to them . I just want them gone . Permanently . Give them leprosy or turn them into shark bait . It makes no difference to me . " Not at all , " Efil replied . " Simply a necessary disclosure , required when a client has relegated the power to inflict injury , illness , malady , or disease . So how shall we begin ? Who will be the first to be purged ? " Alan loves the beach . More than a weekend respite , it is his home , his refuge , his sanctuary . And for most of the year , he strolls the sand in blissful solitude , letting nature - and no one else - touch him . But spring has given way to summer , and soon , the annual invasion of vacationers and tourists will subdivide the beach with blankets , umbrellas , and chairs , depriving Alan of his privacy and seclusion - the fundamental touchstones of his life . Resigned to endure another seasonal onslaught of beach - goers , Alan believes there is nothing he can do but prepare for the worst . But fate has other plans . Author Bio : Jaye Frances is the author of The Kure , a paranormal - occult romance novel , The Possibilities of Amy , a coming - of - age romance , The Cruise - All That Glitters , a humorous adult satire about looking for love at sea , and The Beach , a sci - fi fantasy about a man who is given the opportunity to receive his ultimate wish and lives to regret it . She is also a featured columnist for the NUSA SUN magazine . Born in the Midwest , Jaye readily admits that her life 's destination has been the result of an open mind and a curiosity about all things irreverent . When she 's not consumed by her writing , Jaye enjoys cooking , traveling to all places tropical and " beachy " and taking pictures - lots of pictures - many of which find their way to her website . Jaye lives on the central gulf coast of Florida , sharing her home with one husband , six computers , four cameras , and several hundred pairs of shoes . For more information , visit Jaye 's website at www . jayefrances . com , or Jaye 's Blog at http : / / blog . jayefrances . com Why don 't you tell us a little about yourself . . . . Something that we cannot Google about you , lol ! Since you are a new to me author , I am hoping to bring you to the light of others ! So share away ! I 'm an English teacher turned stay - at - home mom turned romance writer . I never dreamed I 'd be in publishing , but life has a way of turning things topsy - turvy and I wouldn 't change it for anything . I 've got a supportive husband , two wild rugrats , and a handful of furry children . Tell us a little about your book ? Tortured by demonic voices , Dante 's soul is as black as they come . But when he meets Ariana - an innocent vampire fighting demons of her own - he second - guesses everything he 's ever known about sacrifice , passion , and soul - scorching love . Before Dante wages war against Crimson Bay 's greatest threat , he must make a choice : love Ariana the way she deserves , risking her life in the process - or fight to protect her , unleashing the monster he 's determined to bury . How much emotion does it take from you to write ? I wouldn 't say that writing takes emotion away from me . In order to get into a really emotional scene , I have to go there . I usually need to write in a quiet place to focus on putting myself in the heads and hearts of the characters . Once the scene is finished , I 'm not drained or weary . I 'm roarin ' to go on the next chapter ! What is your favorite part of the book ? There 's a fight scene between a handful of vampire elders . Each elder has a maware ( a power bestowed upon them in the Ever After ) that he uses in the fight . It 's pouring down rain . An elder discovers his maware for the first time . Tensions boil over . Blood is spilled . Yeah , it 's pretty sweet . Easiest - Dante . I tend to write heroes more easily than heroines . He came to me first , and twisted my arm until he became one of my favorites . ( Dante actually is a secondary character in Vamped Up , Book # 2 in the series . ) Hardest - Savage . He 's the vampire - shifter villain in the story , and although I usually write villains pretty well , this was the first book where he didn 't have a point of view . I left his point of view out in order to better focus on the relationship between Dante and Ariana . Not seeing what he was doing behind the scenes made it difficult to create a sense of urgency . He 's about to attack ! But how do we know ? I think I solved the problem , but that was definitely a hurdle I had to climb . How many books are you shooting for in this series ? This will most likely be the final book in the Vampires of Crimson Bay series . There is a possibility for other spin - off books , but those aren 't on the radar yet . What are you currently working on ? I 'm writing Demand of the Dragon ( Novella # 3 in the Isle of Feralon series ) for Harlequin Cravings . The novellas are short ( 60 - 100 pages ) and include an enchanted world of dragons , werewolves , and merfolk . They 're steamier than the Vampires of Crimson Bay series , but definitely share the level of world - building . What 's one thing that you enjoy about writing ? I 've always loved studying the use of language . When I taught English , one of my favorite units was creative writing . It 's a really cool feeling to write a scene from one perspective , realize it doesn 't work , spin it , flip it , manipulate the words , and come out of a death - spiral with something really amazing . Since we 're cover hussies . . . . what was your first impression of your cover ? I held my breath . I zoomed in on every inch . I absolutely loved it . I think my first word was , " Oooooh ! " And what has been your best b - day present ever ? Husband gave me an iPod years ago , when they first came out . I secretly wanted one , but didn 't say anything because they were pretty pricey . He had " Two peas in an iPod " engraved on the back . Sweetheart , that man . Hard and Quick Time ! Don 't think . . . Just answer ! Okay , before we go this route , I will get us a refill on our drinks . . . I will be right back . . . Thanks so much for the refill ! I 'm ready ! If you were here yesterday , you saw my review for Davenport . . . Well , I am hoping I teased you enough to want to learn more about the woman responsible for writing that book and many others . . . Please put together a warm , smutty welcome for . . . . Why don 't you tell us a little about yourself . . . . Something that we cannot Google about you , lol ! Since you are a new to me author , I am hoping to bring you to the light of others ! So share away ! I 'm a forty - something year old mom of two young kids , I 've been married to my soul mate for fourteen years , and I 've been in the lifestyle more than twenty years . He 's a Dom and a sadist , which works out well since I 'm a masochist , and submissive to him . We did the extreme 24 / 7 TPE thing for a while before kids , but these days things are pretty relaxed during the day and we only play once the kids are asleep . Safeword : Matte was fun to write . Sure , it took some emotion , but it was all good . My most recent books , Safeword : Davenport and Safewords : Davenport and Chiffon , had me a snotty , crying mess while I wrote them . . . and on every editing pass , too . The flogging scene during the thunderstorm . It 's loosely based on something that actually happened , though it was in a vacation cabin on a mountain near Gatlinburg , Tennessee , and didn 't involve the pseudo fight ahead of time . It was a magical afternoon and evening , as we watched and heard the storm coming , and then enjoyed the energy of the wind and thunder and lightning as it arrived and became part of the scene we were playing out on the screened in porch . I 'm glad I was able to share parts of it through my writing . Ethan was pretty easy to write . I 've dated someone as endowed as him ( yes , men can actually be that big ) , and I 've dated several guys as tall and muscular as him . I enjoyed adding the physical aspects in with the personality I gave him . Most women haven 't been carried in someone 's arms , cradled safely as they completely relax , since they were children . And men who are built like Ethan generally either use their size to scare people , or spend a good deal of effort trying to assure people they 're safe around them . Ethan uses his size to intimidate people in sanctioned fights , but in everyday situations goes out of his way to not scare people . My most difficult character of all of my books has been Dana , from the two Davenport books . She started out as me , in a story I never intended to offer to the public . While my husband was in the hospital and we weren 't sure he was going to make it , I wrote the beginnings of a story of how someone 's life might look a year and a half after she 'd lost her husband . I believe time heals all wounds , so it was kind of my way of convincing myself I 'd be okay , eventually , if he didn 't pull through . Once the doctors finally started talking about him eventually going home , I stopped writing on the book , and it was about a year before I returned to it . I 've changed things enough so Dana isn 't " me " , but there are still a lot of similarities , and I 'm so close to the story . . . it was hard . Wow , thank you for sharing that with us . And for those of you that have not read Davenport 's stories yet . . . Dana is a woman who is strong and knows what she wants . . . But also knows what it is like to lose her heart . My heart went out for her . . . How many books are you shooting for in this series ? ? I don 't have a specific number . At this point , I have lots of ideas for stories in this series , but I don 't know how many of them I 'll actually write . What are you currently working on ? Writing allows me to share experiences not a lot of people get to ( or want to ) experience in real life . It allows me to explore emotions and sensations out loud , so others can be a part of it . I love creating my characters , getting to know them , and then watching them on their journey to find a relationship that works for them . I loved it . Seriously , it 's Ethan . I kind of wish he didn 't have the thing on his head , but even that ended up working out , since he 's bald in part of the book and has hair in part of it . Oh , ebooks , definitely . Someone let me borrow a hardback recently , and I was so frustrated with it . It was heavy , and took two hands to wield - one to hold the book and another to turn the pages . When my eyes got tired I couldn 't make the font bigger . I couldn 't put it in a ziplock baggie and safely read in the tub with the jets going . And I had to leave the light on at night to read ( normally I switch from Kindle to Droid tablet when my husband goes to sleep , so we can turn the light off ) . Oh , and I had to find a bookmark if something interrupted me , and it was HUGE to carry around in my purse . I hadn 't realized how spoiled I 'd become with ebooks . I will eventually dive into Urban Fantasy . It 's not so much I 'm apprehensive to try it , as it is that I 've got a few ideas but haven 't fully cemented the series in my head yet . Also , I 'm still having a blast with the safeword series , and I 'm not ready to explore another genre just yet . KISS FM , a Chattanooga radio station . My oldest daughter 's choice , and it 's piped throughout the house at the moment . They are currently playing , " Whatever doesn 't kill you makes you stronger " . Back from the Undead , by DD Barant . It came out in March , but I 'm just now getting around to reading it . I love the worldbuilding in this series , and adore the smart - assed main character and her smart - assed plastic partner ( animated by the life force of a t - rex , so don 't let the plastic bits fool you ) . The books in this series make me laugh and think . Not much sex , but that 's okay . I 'm not sure I have a favorite holiday . I enjoy parts of Christmas and don 't enjoy other parts of it . I love Thanksgiving , but used to hate the whole Friday shopping thing . Now I shop online and get great deals , so it 's not so bad anymore . My husband and I had our first vanilla date on the Fourth of July - we went hiking that day and went to an outdoors concert that night , ending in fireworks , so it 's still kind of special . He found some sweet gum balls on the ground and used them like you 'd use a Wartenberg wheel to torture me during the concert . He only used it on my arms and legs , since we were in public , but it drove me crazy . And what has been your best b - day present ever ? ? Umm , I 'm in my mid - forties - I have no idea . The first thing that comes to mind is a road being opened . When I was young we had to travel fourteen miles of a winding two - lane road to get to town . Or school . Or the nearest store . They built a two - lane road beside it , and smoothed the hills and straightened the curves and we drove on it for a few years while they straightened and flattened the original two lanes . The official four - lane road opened for the first time on my eighteenth birthday , which I thought was pretty cool . It turned what was usually a twenty - five minute drive into a fifteen minute drive . Hard and Quick Time ! Don 't think . . . Just answer ! Okay , before we go this route , I will get us a refill on our drinks . . . I will be right back . . . You know you do . . . Quickie time . . . Think fast . . . . Are you a quickie kind girl ? Quickies have their place - it 's occasionally nice to be ordered to bend over the sofa with no foreplay . It 's not my favorite , but it 's hot every once in a while . What 's ur fave drink - in a glass or on him ? Alcoholic drink ? Jack and Coke . In a glass , of course . He 's kind of a clean freak - it 's okay to put messy stuff on me , but not on him . Junk or Health Food ? I 'm a vegetarian , and most of the time I eat healthy stuff . I 'm not opposed to chocolate flavored protein bars , though . I love the Luna Protein Mint Chocolate bars . Yummmm . I generally only do junk food at birthdays and holidays , where I go all out , while I 'm at it . Ties or Chains ? I have to choose ? Ties in our bedroom , because they are the most practical and they don 't damage anything . In a club , I love the sound and feel of chains , though . Soft or Hard . . . Bed , where was your mind ? Soft . Very soft , with a pillowtop . I have funny stories of my kids ' reactions to the beds in China , where it 's believed a soft bed makes you soft . If you ever travel to China , ask for a western bed . We tend to travel off the beaten path , where there are no western beds available , though . On our last trip , one of our kids chose to sleep on top of DH the whole time - LOL . Vampire or Werewolf ? Depends on the author . I prefer the wolves in the Twilight world , the vampires in Jeaniene Frost 's world , the shifters in Ilona Andrews ' world . Twitter and / or Facebook ? Yes , both . http : / / www . facebook . com / candacesblevins and Safeword : Davenport Dana has never submitted to anyone but her husband - he trained her , taught her to submit . He 's been dead a year and a half though , and she 's beginning to consider the possibility of dating again . She sticks to vanilla at first , but quickly realizes she 's going to need more . As she 's considering the idea of finding someone who would enjoy hurting her without requiring her submission , her life is complicated by a Dom who pushes all of her buttons . months ago , Libby Jones parked her motorcycle in Temptation , Texas , to work at the Ugly Stick Saloon . Since then she 's grown to love the bar 's feeling of family , but now it 's time to hit the road . The longer she stays , the greater the risk her father 's investigators will track her down . Yet she can 't resist taking the Gray Wolf twins up on their offer to go riding on their ranch . Even though getting involved should be the last thing on her mind . Ever trying to capture her attention . She 's blown them off at every turn , until now . Their plan : expose her to the delights only twins can provide - and persuade her to stay for the long haul . Libby 's longing for a life she can 't have makes her delay her departure just a heartbeat too long . Her hesitation gives her past time to walk through the saloon door , and all hell to break loose . Now the twins have a fight Eight months ago , Libby Jones parked her motorcycle in Temptation , Texas , to work at the Ugly Stick Saloon . Since then she 's grown to love the bar 's feeling of family , but now it 's time to hit the road . The longer she stays , the greater the risk her father 's investigators will track her down . Ever since Libby landed at the Ugly Stick , Mark and Luke Gray Wolf have been trying to capture her attention . She 's blown them off at every turn , until now . Their plan : expose her to the delights only twins can provide - and persuade her to stay for the long haul . Libby 's longing for a life she can 't have makes her delay her departure just a heartbeat too long . Her hesitation gives her past time to walk through the saloon door , and all hell to break loose . Now the twins have a fight on their hands to teach her that being free doesn 't mean she can 't let go of her heart . How much emotion does it take from you to write ? Depends on the scene I 'm writing . If it involves ripping the heart out of the characters , I can come away depressed . If it 's humor , I could be laughing at my desk or at least smiling . If I 'm writing an action scene , my fingers fly across the keyboard and I come away exhausted and exhilarated . I love the interaction between Mark , Luke and Libby . Mark and Luke are like Ying and Yang to each other . As twins , they know each other so well they can anticipate each other 's thoughts . Mark and Luke were easy to write . They were so much alike , being twins , yet so different . Libby was more difficult as she had the most to lose in the story . Her freedom which she desperately wanted to maintain . Yet she 'd found a place she felt safe yet unconfined , Temptation , Texas and the Ugly Stick Saloon . Until I run out of characters ! And more keep popping up . I love coming back to the Ugly Stick Saloon and would like to keep coming back for a long time . I write as Elle James for Harlequin Intrigue and I 'm writing cowboy mysteries . I have 4 books to complete by end of year . But as Myla Jackson , I have 2 more books coming soon ( I hope ) to continue the Ugly Stick Saloon Series . BOOTS AND BAREBACK is scheduled to release October 23 at Samhain . I introduce the O ' Briens and we see Isabella ( Bella ) Severs at the Ugly Stick . I 'll have a short story release Independently prior to its release with Jesse O ' Brien and his girl Ellie Lang . Definitely being my own boss . I like the flexibility of my schedule and I LOVE living the lives of my characters one story at a time . If you think reading is an escape , try writing . It takes me to great places and I meet the darnedest people ! Since we 're cover hussies . . . . what was your first impression of your cover ? The first round was the best with a really wicked biker chick on it , but then they couldn 't use that photo as it was used on another book too recently . . . sigh . Then they found the two hot dudes and the red - head with an attitude and I LOVED it ! This is soooo the characters in the book . I 'm quickly becoming an e - book fan . I love that I can read from my iPhone , Kindle or my husband 's Ipad and the app syncs it to where I left off . I can turn the pages so easily and it 's easy to find a book to read at the touch of a finger ! Action adventure ! Like Clive Cussler books . And Young Adult . It 's not apprehension so much as time . I don 't have time in my schedule right now , but I hope to in the future . Okay . . . . personal time ! ! ! ! Oh yeah , I go there . . . Hahah . . . If you thought you were safe . . . Nah . . . Forget it . . . Not a chance ! We will start off slow and easy , I promise ! Hard and Quick Time ! Don 't think . . . Just answer ! Okay , before we go this route , I will get us a refill on our drinks . . . I will be right back . . . of Audrey 's arms circled Jackson 's shoulders as she rode him , leaning close to kiss the side of his neck . In her other hand , she held a long leather whip . She glanced across the room , her gaze connecting with Libby 's . Audrey winked and flicked the whip , a loud crack splitting the air . breath hitched and she stepped back , just enough so she couldn 't see . Heat rose from her chest into her cheeks . She 'd never spied on another couple having sex . But Jackson and Audrey had looked so very hot and sexy , and the kink factor of the whip made Libby 's blood burn . Savage : The Daughters of the Jaguar - Book One The year is 1983 . Christian is 22 years old when he leaves his home in Denmark to spend a year in Florida with a very wealthy family and go to med - school . A joyful night out with friends is shattered by an encounter with a savage predator that changes his life forever . Soon he faces challenges he had never expected . A supernatural gift he has no idea how to embrace . A haunting family in the house next door . A spirit - filled girl who seems to carry all the answers . An ancient secret hidden in the swamps of Florida . One life never the same . One love that becomes an obsession . Two destinies that will be forever entangled . Just for your information . . . A delicious sweet treat - I am planning on lowering the price for Savage to 99 cent from Aug 22nd for a limited time . And I am also doing a campaign for my other series called Afterlife and I am putting up Beyond - the first book in the series for free for three days starting on Wednesday 22nd as well and will sell the rest of the books for only 99 cent too ! ! Reviews I have received so far : " I loved this book . It was easy to get swept away with the story . There were ups and downs for all involved . But though there were trials and tribulations that Christian must face , on the whole , this story was a joy to behold . You follow Christian through from being a young ' Casanova ' to being a more mature young man who finally knows what it 's like to feel true love . But it 's not just a love story . And not all is as it seems . This is a Paranormal Romance - there are secrets to be told . Are you ready to listen ? " Wow . . . Im a little stunned right now to be honest . . because the lovely Willow Rose has actually done what I didn 't really think was possible anymore . Stun me so much that I actually have to think about the message of the book ( . . . ) I hope this review will get you to pick up the book because thats not a decision you will regret if you like : splendid writing , adorable characters and an ending that will leave you wanting more ( I know I did ) ! " " Savagely good ! The cast of characters is diverse and interesting , and the interesting aspects of Native American culture and myth that Rose writes about are fascinating . " - Open Book Society I removed my clothes and followed her into the cold water that sprang from the center of the earth in a spring somewhere further north and therefore had the same temperature all year around . " Are there any animals in this water ? " I asked as she carefully took me by the hand and led me in . " There might be manatees , " she said with a shrug . " What about alligators ? " I asked and turned as I thought I heard something move behind me in the water . " Someone told me that there are alligators in all waterholes in Florida . " She laughed . " There might be , but we rarely see them . Besides . It just makes it that more exciting , right ? " She pulled my hand and drew me close to her . Our bodies felt warm against each other , her skin was soft , and touching it made me forget about animals in the water and the sounds of nature . I even forgot about my concerns as to hurting her and disappointing her parents . All I could think about was her and me , here right now in this water that was caressing our bodies . I kissed her again and held her naked body close to mine while allowing the passion to rise in me . Suddenly she pulled away from me . " Stop , " she whispered urgently . I looked at her and saw that the expression on her face had suddenly changed . " What 's wrong ? " I asked sensing that my voice was shaking slightly . If it was out of fear or caused by the arousal I didn 't know . " I thought I heard something . " " Like what ? " She shook her head while her expression cleared . She smiled . " It was probably nothing . " Willow Rose writes Paranormal Romance , fantasy and mystery . Originally from Denmark she now lives on Florida 's Space Coast with her husband and two daughters . She is a huge fan of Anne Rice and Isabel Allende . When she is not writing or reading she enjoys to watch the dolphins play in the waves of the Atlantic Ocean . In Savage we meet Christian who is a young man torn between the world of science and the world of magic . He has left his country of Denmark and is going to Florida to go to med school . He meets Aiyana who is a spirit - filled girl living in a completely different world than he is . Her family is descendants from the Timucua Indians that lived in Florida before the Spaniards came . They live in a world of magic , music and laughter and Christian feels so drawn to them . At the same time he has a violent encounter with a savage beast in the swamps of Florida , an encounter that makes him doubt everything he has always believed . It takes everything I have . I always feel like I am giving a huge part of me once I publish a novel . I put an extremely high amount of emotion in every book and I have a tendency to feel everything the main character is feeling . It is quite exhausting from time to time . What is your favorite part of the book ? The parts where Christian meets with the jaguar in the swamps . I love those scenes . You can only pick 3 words for your main characters . . what would they be ? * to describe your main characters * The easiest was Halona . The little sister to Aiyana that Christian falls helplessly in love with . She was fun because she is so special . She hasn 't spoken a word in several years , not since she predicted her older sister 's death . Instead she uses telekinesis - she moves things around with the will of her mind . How many books are you shooting for in this series ? ? I will write three books about the main character Christian . It is sort of a family - saga really . In the first book he is in his twenties and so is the woman he falls in love with . In the second book they have kids of their own and are in their thirties . In the last book they will have young teenagers . I am also planning on doing a book about Aiyana , the spirit - filled Native American girl that he falls hopelessly in love with . About her and when she first discovers who and what she really is . I might also do a book about her sister who does telekinesis and their grand - mother who predicts natural disasters . I love those characters so much that they each deserve their own book . The way I can disappear into a world I have created and into the minds of my main characters . I never know where time went once I am done for the day . Since we 're cover hussies . . . . what was your first impression of your cover ? I loved it immediately . My husband does my covers and he always reads the book first so he knows what kind of emotion I am going for . What do you prefer ebooks or paperbacks ? That 's a little difficult to answer cause I love both . I adore the feeling of holding a real book in my hands but I find e - books so much easier . I always carry my Kindle with me where ever I go and I always have all of my books in it at the same time . I can read several books at the same time and it weighs next to nothing . Is there a genre you would like to write but are a little apprehensive to try ? I used to feel that about paranormal romance and romance . I used to write mystery - novels and I thought that was all I could . But now I write everything . Mystery , fantasy , paranormal , anything that I feel like doing . I always listen to James Blunt while I write . It 's a little odd because I never listen to him otherwise . But I love writing with him in my ears for some reason . I think it os because his lyrics make me feel something . What are you reading right now ? I live in Florida where every day is a potential beach - day so every season is wonderful . My favorite is spring and fall though . Because that 's when Florida is perfect . Hard and Quick Time ! Don 't think . . . Just answer ! Okay , before we go this route , I will get us a refill on our drinks . . . I will be right back . . . Twitter and / or Facebook ? I am most to Facebook but use Twitter as well . Pinterest or not ? Not . Not yet . * * * Now for the giveaway . . . . * * * As Laird , Callum Lennon feels he has always failed to protect his cousins . Callum 's impulsiveness caused the death of his father and the experience has scarred not only his body , but his soul . From that point on , he made sure to always go with the more logical choice in every matter . When his younger cousin Angus finds clues that might help break the curse , Callum begrudgingly hires Phoebe Chilton to investigate . Callum doesn 't like bringing outsiders into their family affairs . Their life would become fodder for the tabloids if anyone were to find out about the curse . It doesn 't help that the instant he meets Dr . Chilton he 's attracted . But , he doesn 't really have a choice because she might be their last hope . An expert in archeology , Phoebe has always been dwarfed by her parents ' shadow . Their high standards had her in college by thirteen and earning a second PhD by twenty - two . But her career and her broken marriage have left her needing something more than just diplomas and degrees . She wants to prove that her interest in legends , especially Celtic legends , is as important as her parents ' work . When the Lennon family contacts her , she sees the opportunity to win a massive research grant . With a long - time rival breathing down her back , she jumps at the Lennons ' offer her , hoping it will ensure her the grant . But uncovering the Lennon family secrets , and her attraction to Callum , could prove more than she can handle . Okay first . . . Let me say that I am a huge fan of Ms . Melissa 's work ! Like a HUGE fan . . . She has never disappointed me . . . Her stories are riveting , enticing , alluring , lustful , hot and of course just all sorts of yummies . She weaves her stories in such a way that you will devour the story and not know what time it is . . . Her stories are so enthralling that you will want more , need more . . . crave more ! And this one is no exception ! Now secondly , I would like to thank all the people that Ms . Melissa thanked in her dedication because without them . . . I would have never been able to read this awesome story . Thank you guys for pushing Melissa to write this story . . . And Brandy for pushing her to publish it ! This story is just that awesome . . . Yes , ladies and gentlemen . . . This is a great . . . okay . . . scratch that . . Awesome way to introduce a new storyline . . . This is a story about two families that have been at odds with each other for centuries ; with no end in sight . Both families are cursed . . . but can the curse be broken . . . Enter in the picture one woman with one mission . . . To learn ! Phoebe is one woman who is no nonsense . She knows the rules of life ; so she plays the game very well . Never letting her heart get involved with anything other than artifacts . She lives , eats and breaths dig sites . She loves what she does with a passion . . . But her secret passion is with Celtic legends and when she is given the chance at getting an up - close look into the world of the Celtic legend she has studied all her life . . . how can she say no ! But at what price will it cost her to work with Callum and his family . . . . ? Callum and his family are different from the normal family . . . How you might ask . . . Well , they have been around for centuries . . . No , I don 't mean as in the family line has been around for that long . . . or can be traced back that far . . . No . . . They actually have been physically around for that long . They are cursed due to something that happened way back when . . Of course I cannot tell you what happened . . . I have to get you to read the story somehow right ? ! ? ! Well , anyway . . back to my review . . . Callum is not very trusting of the world . . . So , when he finds out that in order to even attempt to break this blasted ass curse , they have to bring in an outsider - well , let 's just say he is not pleased . . . Then when he finds out she is from England . . . Well , let 's just say he has a few choice words to say about that . . . But now . . . when this story kicked off , Melissa had me intrigued from the very first page . . . She wrapped me around this family and had me wanting to know what the hell was going to happen . . . Melissa did an awesome job at giving me what I needed in this book but giving me the surprise of knowing there is definitely more to come from this family and their adventures to solve this family curse . . . Now did I give away to much . . No , because believe me when I tell you Melissa will give you the ride of your life with this story when you read it ! Callum and his bad ass Scottish self . . . And he does look rather yummy in his kilt . . . And believe me the sex is . . . Well , it is all what is it made out to be - HOT ! This couple will rock your world ! There are lies , there are half truths . . . . There are plots of vengeance , plans of thievery . . . There are things in this story that will only wet your lips for what is to come in the next one . . Oh and did I mention that Callum has other family members . . . One female . . . but the other four . . . Well , they are men just like him . . . So , I am very anxious to read the next one to see what will happen to that family member because this story just gets better and better ! Melissa created strong characters . Ones that will stand up to each other . . . No one is over domineering . . . Well , wait a minute . . . Callum kinda is but he is all that a bag of chips - so he can be as domineering as he wants to be . . . Especially in bed ( Oh Yum ) ! ! She created the women just as strong as the men and just as tough to break as the men . The action in the story is enough to make it what you want to read but not to much to where that is all you are reading . . . The story is done in taste and style that is all Melissa ! Okay . . . When is book two coming out honey ? ? ? People like me want to know . . . You know you have teased us and taunted us enough . . . . Trust me when I tell you , you are going to devour this story in two if not one day . . . My challenge to you . . . See if you can put it down ! To learn more about Melissa , please visit her website here ! You will surely enjoy yourself . . . After being passed over for a promotion at a Chicago advertising agency , Laura cashes in her stock options , quits her job , and moves to Prague . There , she begins an erotic romance with Byron , only to discover that he is German and his father was in the Hitler Youth . As an observant Jew , Laura has deep misgivings about becoming involved with the son of a Nazi , but the attraction between them is so strong that she cannot resist . " Have you read Fifty Shades of Grey ? Looking for more well written erotic romance novels ? Well look no further ! Lilou DuPont 's new book , Dangerous Love , is just that ! It is the story of two unlikely lovers , a Jewish woman and the son of a Nazi . DuPont 's adept description of the characters , the setting , and the erotic sex scenes will make this a book you won 't want to put down . This reader actually liked it better than Fifty Shades ! The sex scenes were more varied , the story line more developed , and it included some mystery , a kidnapping , and , most especially , a happy ending . I assure you , it will not disappoint ! " - Pamela Smart " A real page turner ! Take this book with you to your favorite café and drink some steamy latte . Who knows where it may take you ! " - Rachel B . " Enticing , exciting writing at its best ! Dangerous Love is not to be missed ! " - Tsaurah Litzky , author of The Motion of the Ocean Lilou DuPont graduated from Bryn Mawr College with a degree in Philosophy and studied Erotic Writing at The New School in New York City . She lives in Washington , DC where she enjoys a successful advertising career and a large circle of friends . Dangerous Love is her first novel . She is at work on her second book , a spy romance set in Bucharest , Romania . Vampires ? No . Gypsies ? Yes . fans of All I Want and More ! It is great to be here . This is the fifteenth and final stop of my three - week book tour . Dangerous Love , my debut novel , was released on 8 . 6 . 12 . " Travel to Eastern Europe . Under a Bohemian moon , you will find your way . " Laura ( the heroine ) actually says these words in the book . Dangerous Love will indeed transport you to Prague , Berlin , Vienna , Budapest , and other amazing cities . You will see them all as I did , but for free or the price of an eBook . Such a deal ! On a scale of one to ten , the heat factor is an eleven . Okay , I may be exaggerating a bit . But there are eleven sex scenes . No two are alike . Depending on how fast you read , that is one sex scene every fifteen to thirty minutes . and the son of a Nazi . It is also the story of the TRUE love between a Jewish American woman and the son of a Nazi . If you have ever struggled with wanting that one person who is off limits , then Dangerous Love is the book for you . * * * * You are more than welcome ! It was a joy to have you ! Thanks for coming over * * * * * Comment below and enter to win a Dangerous Love eBook or $ 5 eGift Card . Dangerous Love is available on Amazon , All Romance , Barnes & Noble , iTunes , and the Sony Reader Store . Books are my crack & I 'll gladly pimp myself out for them . Okay , maybe not myself . . . But some of my tribal men ! I love to READ - hello - that is why I am here ! ! ! I do review books . . . If you are interested in being here , just let me know ! ! ! I am sure there is something we can work our * * Evil laughter * *
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As I boarded my plane for year ( 2 ) I knew that I was coming home . I had been to Koh Tao with all my fellow BCFers from year 1 and now myself and three others were returning for year number 2 throughout Bhutan . This year I had thought to myself , " Things will be different " , " No more exploring " and this is your home now - - you know the places , the people , what to expect and now I felt like I was a " villager " and no longer a foreigner . The students , my village , school life . . . everything would be routine this year . Little did I know this would be the one of the most challenging year of my life . Arriving in BKK , I was on cloud nine . . . I knew the airport and things seemed to be routine . However , little did I know at the time that my luggage would be lost with over $ 200 worth of school supplies and everything I " needed " to start off my second year in Bhutan . I had an 11 hour layover which I spent panicking until I saw a BCF 2012 enjoying in Koh Tao for winter break familiar sight in the middle of BKK - - A KIRA . I don 't know why this calmed me at the time but it did , " Kuzuzangpola , " I said as I approached a woman named Deki . She looked at me surprised and and returned the greeting . She spoke great English and it turned out that her husband had just graduated and they were returning to Bhutan after 2 years and they too had lost luggage ! However , they were calm and collected and reassured me that things would work out ( that 's just the way things did in Bhutan ) and they did . I arrived in Bhutan on February 9th and my luggage arrived on the 10th . I was greeted by familiar faces ( 2 Bhutanese friends ) that I had kept in touch with picked me up and took me to my hotel in Thimphu . The following day they took me to Paro ( an hour drive ) to get my luggage that arrived safely in Bhutan ( things just work out that way in Bhutan ) . The following days were spent shopping which included : a wash machine , food , and essentials for Eastern living in the more remote areas of Bhutan . My essentials - - Olive oil , candles , Barbecue sauce , Tea tree oils , a new Kira , and much more . As I rode on the bus with my fellow BCFers " 2013 batch " I couldn 't help but notice they all had made a connection and I was the lone returning volunteer . Of course , they were all very welcoming , but I realized I missed that feeling of my first year with the people I had came here with in 2012 . On the other hand , I began to think I am not alone . I , unlike the others . . . have a Bhutanese family waiting for me in Kanglung . With my Bhutanese in Kanglung , Bhutan When I say I have a family , I mean last year before I left I shifted my home to one of my favorite t student 's homes . Before I left they offered to let me stay in their home for free and keep my things safe while I was out of the country . I call them my Kota ( little brother ) , Ama ( mother ) , Apa ( father ) , and Abi ( grandmother ) . They are reason # 2 of why I renewed my contract for a second year . First , being teaching the students of course . However , they had been calling me and awaiting my arrival . I knew I had to get home as soon as possible , I had even brought them gifts from America that I was excited to give them . All of my other colleagues had opted to stay in Trashigang which is the " city " outside my village that is 22 KMs away while I arranged a taxi immediately home to see my family . I arrived at 9 : 45 PM that night and it felt like I hadn 't even left . I quickly unpacked their gifts which included clothes , baseball gloves , purses , games , kites , tools , and many other miscellaneous things . I was exhausted and before the night ended around midnight . . . I know I fell asleep with a smile on my face . . . I was home ( my home away from home ) . The next few days were spent with my students and making sure they hadn 't lost their English conversational skills . Flying kites , lunches , dinners , shopping and laughing with them . I had an amazing time and before I knew it school was about to begin . The first few days were chaotic to say the least . The things I thought would change were the same at school ; missing materials , crowded classrooms etc . I remember my Facebook update on the first day of school , " First week of school = Chaos , stress , missing materials , missing books , but on the contrary I met my 135 students for the year and was welcomed with belated birthday gifts , poems that stress their love for me as a teacher , spoke Sharchopkha in public at the parent meeting and received an applause ( thank you Madam Tashi ) , met and enjoyed with my students and their families and realized AGAIN why I LOVE living in Bhutan . It is a trial everyday , but the challenges , teaching , and life here make me appreciate the fact that I wake up everyday in the misty mountains and live each day like it 's my last . " One of my class 7 students and their family It is a struggle - - lack of hot water , moldy clothes and food , communication barriers , and lack of significance put on education itself are all things that sometime make me want to scream . However , I couldn 't be more happier that I am spending another year in this country . The people , the rice fields , the homes , the generosity , the happiness , the simplicity , the food ( which I can 't go a day without Ema Datsi ) , the clothes , the many amazing views and the reality of taking your life " slowly " are all things that I keep in mind on a daily basis . There is no worry about time here , just living is all it is , and I can appreciate that . My love for my wash machine because I now have Sundays free ! ! " G - g - g - Morning Madam ! " " G - g - g Afternoon Madam ! " G - g Evening Madam ! " Are now all familiar quotes I hear on daily basis . I feel my days would be incomplete without a student rushing to greet me or stumbling upon me in a shop to only say what so naturally rolls of their tongue . What 's more interesting is that sometimes they are in such a rush to bow and greet you that they use the wrong greeting in the complete opposite time of the day . We both laugh , not for embarrassment , but for pure humor and I graciously correct them , smile and walk on my merry way . The students here are some of the best people I have ever met . How can I say that about a group of individuals who 's ages range from 11 - 16 ? I have no idea , but all I know is that I will NEVER forget these youngsters and they have made a permanent imprint on my heart . Read small excerpts below to fully understand the impact children AND students can make on your life . . . Each morning I write on the chalkboard : H . E . R . O ( Have Everything Ready and Organized ) , I write Good Morning , and below that : new spelling words , what we will do for the day , news that we should know about ( Vitamin D distribution ) , AND a journal . The students love the journal and everyday each of them in their semi - broken English courageously gets up in front of the class and reads their journals . Sometimes they choose the topic for the day 's entry and the subject matter can be a little touchy . . . Chosen by student Singye Dema May 18th , 2012 . Journal : If you could go to America and be adopted by Madam Ashley for 6 years , would you go why or why not ? ( 4 sentences ) . Well , as it turns out many of my students think of me as their parent already ! As I was listening to many of their responses and why they would go with me , it hit me . These students have involved me more in this country than I have let my own self to be . They wrote things like Madam is like our god , " she is teaches so well " , I love her , she is my best teacher , and much more . I sat there listening and almost got a little teary - eyed . That day at school I walked around with a little more pride and less frustration . I was beginning to see that even if I think its a rough day of 8 periods and seeing 150 students , who may or may not be comprehending . . . they love having me here not just as a teacher that may NOT be successful everyday , but as family member . P . S . Many of them still think I am going to adopt them and they already have their parent 's approval ! ( I truly would if I could ) Not to mention in regards to the morning routine of what is to be written on the chalkboard . . . I have had my share of sick days because of my weak immune system ( feeling 100 % nowadays ) , but when I was absent my homeroom class of 35 students would continue it for me . With that said , every morning a student would write everything identical to what I WOULD WRITE for the day and provide a journal for my students ! When I would return I 'd have " Get Well " cards waiting for me , as well students " showing - off " their journal entry that I had missed . Imitation , my friends , is the best form of flattery . Each morning I hear a soft knock on my door . " It 's me Madam ! " Chenning Dorji my homeroom , " Key Holder in - charge " is at my house at 7 : 30 AM , Monday through Saturday to carry my backpack and walk me to school . He is the oldest student in my class six , at age 15 and walks the furthest to school ( 7KM ! ! ) He was born to a family of farmer 's , a product of divorce , goes to school all day and works and babysits all night , only to be at MY house every morning with a smile and a story from his last night 's events . It has taken a lot for Chenning to become the student he has become over the last 6 months because he is expected to be a farmer and school is not a priority . I have successfully helped him to become more confident in his studies , ambitious , and instead of sleeping in class . . . HE PARTICIPATES ! ! Moments like that . . . will keep a teacher 's heart full . PICNICS . If you have ever lived in a remote location where T . V . , computers , video games cannot consume your mind all day the only thing left to do is GO OUTSIDE ! ! Being born in rural Illinois and having to be told a million times , " Go OUTSIDE " , I was quite used to the notion of going on picnics or outdoorsy time . No , this is not your typical picnic at the park ! These students pick me up at 7 : 30 AM on a Sunday ( my only day off ) and we walk 7 - 10 KM to find the best picnic area . I literally live on the side of the mountain so sometimes flat areas are difficult to find . Well , when we find the best area my students are hard at work ! My first time I was expecting a nice rest after we walked 10 KMs , but NOO they are chopping trees , building fires , washing vegetables , chopping vegetables , fetching water , and all I could do was watch them like worker bees , buzzing around with smiles and so happy we are on a picnic . It was hot that day and we are in an open prairie , but no worries my students chopped down large branches and stuck them in the ground so I would not be hot ! That day I ate more chilies , more rice , and more ferns than I ever have in my life ! These 12 year old girls not only cooked for us , they cooked for the boy 's football team ( Kanglung upper market side , of course . ) After being woke up at 6AM , cranky , and wanting to spend my ONLY day off alone . . . these girls and I had more fun than we had anticipated . Fire cooked lunch , Red Rover , Action Photos , " Girl - talk " , and dancing . . . No regrets to a Sunday that could have been used for rest . " Happy Journey , Madam ! " is what I heard before I left for the BCF retreat in Bumthang over Summer Break . I was leaving my students for 2 1 / 2 short weeks and the letters , well wishes , and thank - yous came pouring into my house like a small flood . My students had written me countless letters and had drawn me so many pictures ! I couldn 't believe it . While on my trip my students also phoned me countless times asking me where I was , what I was doing , saying they missed school , and werPosted by After many hours and days working on the school newspaper , Teacher 's Day , and all my " markings " ( grading papers ) I was ready for a nice little break . Little did I know I would get it by spending more time with my students over my small 5 day break . I was asked by one of my favorite students and newspaper photographer to come with him and his family to Tsechu in Youngphula . Now , I must be honest that I have only read about this event and it was from the government mandated text , so I had no idea what to expect . However , if you know me or know anything about me I accepted the offer as soon as it was given . What was to lose and I NEEDED the break away from work . " Madam , I will come and get you at 9AM " , Kezang said . However , that morning I received a knock on my door at 7AM , making sure I was awake and a notice that we were leaving at 8 : 45AM from Kezang . " Ok " , I said . half asleep . ( One of the first Saturdays I was able to sleep past 9AM ) . I rushed around thinking should I pack a lunch , should I bring money for offerings , a Raichu or no Raichu , and many more random thoughts flowing through my head . However , by 8 : 30 AM I was walking up to Kezang 's house without any expectations or any idea of how to act or what to even say . Dressed in my finest Kira there I was standing outside of house of people I had never met and only knowing the 12 year old who lived there . I knocked nervously and they greeted me with open arms and big smiles . I was asked to " take " breakfast , but I had already had an apple because my stomach was slightly unsettled . I walked into their traditional Bhutanese home and met his mother and father for the first time . They still are some of the most generous people I have met here in Bhutan . They showed me around , offered me tea , and even made Kezang show me his sister 's photos of her graduation . After about 30 minutes of broken English conversations , Kezang 's father told me that my Kira was too big and that I needed a " belt . " I laughed it off nervously because my kira is " ready - made " meaning it was fit to size 3 months ago . ( I 've lost weight as I have said before ) Feeling more nervous they said it was time to go and they suggested I sit in the front seat of the truck . I agreed and if you know me I love " shot - gun . " I sat in the truck waiting for everyone else to arrive with his grandmother who only knows Sharchop ( the local eastern Bhutan language ) talking to her about my country , which she thought was Africa . I laughed it off , but only to realize that so many Bhutanese think I am from Africa because i 'm brown skinned . ha ! On the way I was able to talk with Kezang 's father who talked about his job , America , and have other misc . conversations . He knows English so it was good to ask questions and he eTsechu in Youngphula : Masked dances After many deliberations and plenty of silence from all 22 of my colleagues , I volunteered to host Teacher 's Day at Kanglung Primary School . Yes , I have only been here for 4 1 / 2 months and I had no idea what I was doing . . . I was up for the challenge . Teacher 's Day celebrated on May 2 , which coincides with the birth anniversary of the third Druk Gyalpo , is observed as Teacher 's Day in Bhutan . It is a day when students pay their tribute to teachers . I had no idea the magnitude of what I was getting into until I had groups of students begging me perform songs , recite speeches , and even perform dances as well . I had a whole itinerary set up for the event and let me say as they say in Bhutan , " Nothing ever goes as planned . " So there I was 5 holidays due to Youngpfula Tscheu and no one to answer my many questions about what to plan , what to include , and how the day should go . I was on my own and panicking to say the least . Thank goodness for my colleagues Rika Tanteno and Sir Phutsho who I think I have mentioned before . Rika , the JICA volunteer had included many events through her Japanese club and Sir Phuntsho had decided to be the decorator and artist for the event . They both helped me out to make this Teacher 's day at KPS a huge success . They say hard work pays off and by the end of the day , I couldn 't have been more satisfied with the outcome . Although , I missed 5 amazing vacation days and a trip west , I have no regrets . . . what a memory and a day I will never forget . Before I even begin writing this blog , I want to inform all my fellow Bhutan Canada Foundation colleagues that this blog is for you . Those who shared ( 5 ) long days on a small Tashitse school bus will be able to relate and reminisce while reading this blog . I had no idea that a road trip across Bhutan would turn into some of the fondest memories that I have made . I will never forget the most uncomfortable , hilarious , gorgeous , cramped , sing - along filled bus ride that I ever had to endure . It all began on February 4th around 7AM in the morning . As you recall form my last blog … all our bags were packed and we were heading East , to each members postings for our final " Shu lay log ja gays " which is " See you later " in Dzongkha . All teachers except for Davey , Sarah , and Noorin would accompany me on this scenic ride through Bhutan . However , luckily they were able to go along with us on our last tourist event to Dochula . Arriving at this monument was the most magnificent sight . I couldn 't believe that this beautiful place was not even 10 years old . This was not only beautiful , but it was at 11 , 000 feet above sea level . As I began walking up the steps I started to feel extremely light - headed . I thought nothing of it and followed suite to remove my shoes and enter this fortress of blessing and memory . The Director of Institute at Dochula met us and began to explain the significance of every piece of artwork that showed the history of Bhutan . I began listening to the story of how this unique place was founded ; in 2003 by the Queen Mother in tribute and appreciation of a successful military coup in which Bhutan drove threatening insurgents outside its borders ; her Husband and Son both fought in this battle and returned unharmed , thankfully . As I was concentrating on the history of Bhutan I suddenly had to focus on not passing out . A feeling that I had never felt before in my entire life , ALTITUDE SICKINESS ! ! It was overpowering and before I fainted right in front of the Director , I kindly excused myself to Nancy ( I was able to walk around the Druk Wangyal Chortens and have a personal conversation with the Monk about the 2003 conflicts in Bhutan . I was most grateful he took the time to ask how I was feeling , as well inform me on why all of this was built . After finally adjusting to the altitude , a stronger emotion took over when I had to say goodbye to ( 3 ) of my fellow BCFers . Noorin , Simon , and Sarah would not accompany us any further because they were all heading to the southern area of Bhutan , instead of East like the rest of us . It did bring a few tears , but excitement as well . I knew that the 5 day road trip was finally making headway deep into the heart of Bhutan . To say the bus over packed and uncomfortable would be an understatement . Martha , in the front seat next to our exceptional bus driver , Tim behind her , then a stretch of seats that included Simon , Sheal , and Sabrina , behind them Martin and Tara , and last seats included Becky and I . As luck would have it , I had the back ( 2 ) seats all to myself after Davey departed us . The bus was a little quiet , but it was Martin and Tara that continuously kept my spirits high . After 30 minutes of silence and sight - seeing , it was music ( karaoke ) that helped this road trip move along . Before , I get to my sing - alongs , I must mention the roads , construction , death dropping heights , and beautiful sceneries I was able to witness on this road trip . First , I must mention the roads . If you have ever watched Deadliest Roads , you may get a small idea of what I witnessed firsthand . Bhutan is an underdeveloped country as many of you may know and that means almost everything including the roads are under construction . This does not mean in America where the roads are nicely paved and only one lane is open , this means they are tearing into the mountain to make this dirt road wider . This was the craziest event I had ever seen . We were on the side of a mountain , packed in a school bus driving through dirt roads . When I say construction that also means that traffic is at a standstill . It ' sLastly , the sights , the flat tire , and the many places we stayed . The first night after arriving in Trongsa around 9 PM , we stayed at one of the most beautiful hotels on the side of a mountain . It was like a scene out of a movie . We had hot water , marble floors in the bathroom , and the rooms were already warm ! We were all so anxious to get off the bus and sleep comfortably , that none of us wanted to even eat dinner . All we wanted to do was bathe , talk , and sleep … which is what Reidi and I did . After long heart to heart talks with my girls Tara and Reidi , I slept the best I had slept since arriving in Bhutan . ( Thanks Martha for being so understanding and " Keeping it real " with us ) Waking up at the usual 7AM I was not a " happy camper . " The internet was not working , I did not want to get back on the bus , and " some people I know " took my seats on the bus , which made the continuation of the road trip even worse ! I said goodbye to my long standing Yoga Queen and Roomy Iman who was sick , but now feeling better . I also said my final goodbye to Delaine , who is a mother of ( 2 ) , who is missing her daughter 's senior graduation to educate students in Bhutan ! I am still sending you gifts and love from Kanglung in May Delaine if you are reading this ! Bumthang Bound to drop off Tara , Martin , and Sabrina … estimated time of arrival 3PM , which meant 4 - 5 more hours ! Bumthang Welcome sign On our way to Bumthang we saw monkeys , beautiful Pine forest , and a strong welcome sign as we entered Bumthang . It said something along the lines of , " Welcome to Bumthang , wrap it up , aids and HIV is nothing to mess around with . " It was a sight to see as we journeyed into the beautiful evergreen forest . The roads were paved and architecture of the homes was beautiful ! Finally , we came to clearing and witnessed a middle secondary school where our colleague Sabrina would be posted . We met her principal , he offered us tea and refreshments , and then we began the big move . If you know Sabrina , or have read her blogs , she is a PRINCESS to say the least . Being that we were all a group , we all had to help unpack everyone 's items and help them move in . She had a beautiful home in front of a little river . One would have to walk across a suspension bridge to get directly there . It was pretty stable , but to move all of her items , while she videotaped was another story . We had lines of BCFers and townspeople helping , carrying , and cooperating … while she was videotaping and laughing . I am sure if I saw that video today I would look like an angry slave girl . However , like my favorite motto from Shelly Lopez , " Teamwork is dream work " , we were able to get the job done in record timing . I would eventually miss that Princess Sabrina and I am sure she 's reading this blog and laughing . Saying goodbye in fashion ( Martin & Tara ) About an hour into Bumthang we would drop off Martin and Tara two of my " faves . " We were anticipating the beauty of their home and we were right . Many bedrooms , wood burning stove , and wood floors . ( Unlike my concrete floor ) After playing a first day of school activity that Martin was so eager to teach us ( he is perfect in that sense , always wanting to share ideas and resources ) it was time to depart and stay in our hotel in Bumthang . A family owned hotel where each room had a wood burning stove and a hot shower , we were easily satisfied . I slept horribly that night and even after my dad 's many lessons of using a wood burning stove , the fire kept going out ! I woke up freezing and my roomy Reidi woke up sick . We had to officially say goodbye to Martin and Tara that morning because even though they joined us for breakfast , that would be the last time I would see them until our July Summer break . I cried my eyes out on the bus that day , like I had just left my family at the airport ! They were two amazing people that I still consistently keep in touch with throughout this journey . To say the least I was upset to leave some of the greatest Canadians who accepted me for the crazy brown girl that I am . After , a longer ride and a change in vegetation we drove into tropics of Bhutan and came upon a small village called Lhuntse . Before reaching Lhuntse I must tell you about the flat tire incident . This is where I would drop off my closest companion here Reidi . I still remember pulling up to her castle - like school and meeting her principal like it was yesterday . I think about out last night in the only hotel in her small village , how she almost electrocuted herself using the heat immersion for the first time . I had to warn her not to stick her hand in the water to " test " its warmth . The night and day went very fast and saying goodbye to my P . I . C was more difficult than I had anticipated . I also said my first of ( 3 ) goodbyes to my friend Tim that day . He was slightly stressed realizing his rice cooker was left in Thimphu . Tim , if you are reading this , I use my rice cooker once a week … I 'll send you mine . Beautiful Trashigang After dropping them off it was a quiet ride on the bus including Martha , Simon , Becky , and I . Finally after a long 25 minutes the silence was broken with a stunning view of Eastern Bhutan . We were all anticipating arriving in Trashigang where we were all posted . Midway through our trip we stopped for lunch at a magical hilltop restaurant . I almost adopted the most adorable gray dog there . He immediately took a liking to me and he was the only " tame " dog in the bunch . Karma told me I could take him , but I didn 't know how I would take care of him teaching six days per week . Sadly , I said goodbye to the little dog and we continued to Mongar to greet our friend Sheal and help her unload her belongings . Funny thing about that " meet and greet " in Mongar , we had to tell our driver to turn around after we passed her posting . We noticed that we went right by her posting and asked the driver , " Are we supposed to meet at Sheal 's home ? " He then phoned Karma and we had to back track 20 minutes to Sheal 's posting to help her move in and say our final goodbyes ! It was quite hilarious , but if you know Bhutan like I do … nothing is planned and anything and everything can change in minutes . I am finally getting used to that . Arriving in Trashigang was a beautiful sight to see . We had to show our work permits at this entry way and it all became very clear . After 4 long days you Ashley , you have arrived at your posting . However , things changed again much to my dismay . We arrived in Trashigang to a hotel that was not expecting us , to a staff that spoke little English , to unload all of our items in a hotel lobby , and say a surprise goodbye to Simon all in a matter of hours . Simon is one guy that reminds me of home . He can take my humor for what is worth without defense . Not only that , he can dish it back just as harshly . Needless to say it was hard to say goodbye to my new Aussie friend . Quick hugs and all that was left were 3 ladies . Martha HAM , Becky , and I were left in hotel in a foreign place waiting for the arrivI set out for a walk after packing all my many belongings . I walked to the markets and received so many stares that no one would believe . After 25 minutes of this , I returned back to the hotel . The staff personnel were my age so I began to make conversation with them . They were so welcoming and wanted to know all about my life in America . I showed them many photos and we exchanged numbers . They informed that I " always " had a place to stay when I visited Trashigang . ( This location is an hr away from my posting ) Karma finally came to pick me up at 4PM that day and I was the last one in the group to be dropped off at their posting . After an hour drive up the curvy mountain roads I came to clearing and saw a younger man with a 7 yr . old son standing on the side of the road waving . It was my principal ! ! I finally made it ! ! After many sad goodbyes , hotels , and memories … I had made it to Kanglung . I still can 't believe I 'm here , but I am happy . Kanglung , I think you were my destiny and I hope we have great things in store for each other over the next 10 months . As for my colleagues and New Bhutan family … I hope you are all taking this experience one day at a time . I know the road is rocky and we may all stumble time to time , but we were all chosen for a reason . I hope that we can all make the most out of this adventure and be able to look back satisfied , proud , and amazed because from my experiences living in Bhutan it is not an easy task . Tashi Delek , my fellow family and I can 't wait to see you in July in BUMTHANG . Much love ! Posted by
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Chapter Sixty - Eight : Azula State of Mind She sat , waiting . Waiting for her father 's convenience . When did I become one to be push aside until convenient ? Was she not the Phoenix King 's loyal servant ? Had she not always been by his side , his to command ? Had he not entrusted her with the most important mission ? The memory snapped clear . The dust floating in the stifled air of her cell . Lying on the dingy straw . The unfamiliar creak of her cage door opening . She sat up . In the doorway stood a soldier , his face severe . " Princess , " he 'd said , stepping aside . " The Phoenix King says it 's time . He has a very important task for you . " The soldier held out a parchment to the prisoner . Azula , the note had read . The time for hiding is over . Now is our era to rise and claim power . There is something you must do for me , an alliance you must arrange . This is no mortal man . He is a spirit , a spirit with such power . With him on our side , even the Avatar will not stand a chance against us . To convince him , we must use our best persuasion . You must be my negotiator . There are men waiting to take you to the meeting place Min has arranged . . . " Don 't be such a dum - dum . He doesn 't have time . " The boy 's sister was younger , but she always seemed to have the answers . The Fire Prince and Princess rarely saw their father . All Prince Ozai 's time and thoughts were consumed by the war councils . But a summer at Ember Island would fix that . At least , that was what Zuko told himself . " But he promised . " Tears stung at Zuko 's eyes , but he fought them . He wasn 't a baby after all . He hoped Azula was too busy gazing at the clouds to notice . " He only said that so you 'd stop asking every five minutes , " Azula snapped . Her tone became suddenly aloof . " I don 't blame him . Ember Island 's a stupid place anyway . I wouldn 't want to go either . " Zuko glanced at his little sister . She was staring up at the sky , her face virtually impassive . But he saw the clouds in her eyes . Azula was just as disappointed as he . The dangerous spark in her golden irises made the soldier hesitate . When he approached , those eyes had been calm , almost surreal , transfixed by a time of yesteryear . Where had they been ? " Shall I announce you ? " Her lips pressed into a thin smile as she remembered the news she brought to her father , the news that his new pet had failed him and betrayed their position . " Oh , yes , lieutenant . Announce me to my father . " That memory . . . Why had it come ? Triggered , perhaps , by the vision of her mother ? A pang shot through Azula 's heart and she squeezed her eyes shut . Her mother , taunting her once more , just beyond her grasp . Azula had always remembered her as a gentle woman with a brilliant smile , but over the years she had learned the truth . Her mother was nothing more than a fickle pretender , her kind words and warm hugs only veiling a desperate , insatiable need to be loved and wanted . Well , Azula would entertain her no longer . The ghost of her mother would haunt her no more , because she refused to see it . In life , her mother had chosen Zuko and then abandoned them both . In death , she could not mend that bond , and Azula would no longer play the witless audience to her macabre attempts . Lying prostrate before him , Azula smiled at the cold floor . " They have found the Faceless and Zuzu has decided it is his duty to protect them . He 's set up a fortress around the farm . They are his priority for now . " " Hmm , " Ozai mused , his tone darkening . " That could be dangerous . From within the Spirit World , he still may be able to unravel the plan . What of Zuko ? Does he know anything ? " Her smile broadened beyond sanity . Azula dipped her head low so her father would not see her glee . " Regrettably , he has been given another clue . A few of his companions encountered Min on the beach . She not only failed to subdue them , but demonstrated her . . . skills . " A shiver raced through her at a memory of Min 's unearthly abilities , but she suppressed it . Nothing could ruin her pleasure in this moment . " They now suspect something much larger at play . " She waited . Waited for his tirade as the words sank in , waited for his sharp words . Waited for him to denounce Min as the fool . But he said nothing more . " That 's it ? She has ruined our chance at secrecy and probably betrayed the location of her precious anchor ! She not only failed to incapacitate Zuko 's spies , the fool even revealed her strengths , so we have lost any remaining element of surprise as well . And you say it 's merely unfortunate ? " " There is doubtless an explanation for Min 's failure to remain unseen , one which I will certainly require . But you must see that it does not matter . Secrecy was a sweet prize , but unnecessary . It is almost time . We are too close now to our goal . There is nothing anyone can do to stop us , Azula . Zuko and his pack of wolf dogs are no match for the power that we wield , now or in the near future . " Azula gritted her teeth , refusing to raise her eyes as she listened . The words of Ozai came in through one ear , and escaped through the other properly translated . I trust Min . Her judgment is sound . She will not fail me . Unlike you . What Azula hated most about being the youngest was hearing herself introduced last . When they entered a room in the Palace , someone would always announce it like a grand proclamation . And they always slapped her name at the end of the list , like an afterthought . Mother put a hand on her shoulder and smiled . " It 's just something that 's done , Azula . " She smiled encouragement down at her daughter . " You 'll get used to it . " Azula doubted it . And she wouldn 't let herself , she decided . Not until her name came before Zuko 's . Not until she was as important as her brother . What made him so special , after all ? He was older ; that was true . Apparently in this world being older automatically made you better . Wasn 't that why the eldest always succeeded to the throne ? It wasn 't fair . She could be just as good as Zuko . Better , even . One day , she would prove it to them . As they waited for Father , Zuko began regaling their mother with a dramatic telling of some mundane story about his firebending training . But Mother didn 't care if it was dull or silly . She laughed with him , a broad smile on her face , her eyes shimmering with pride . Azula did not laugh . Why would she ? It was a stupid story . She plopped onto the floor and crossed her arms , doing her best to ignore them both . " Hmmph . " The little girl stuck her nose up , just trying to imagine her brother actually firebending . It was no secret her brother was struggling with his lessons . " Azula , " Mother admonished gently , " You should be proud of your brother . I know I am . Producing fire is no small feat . And don 't worry , Azula . Soon it will be your turn to learn . Then you and your brother can practice together . Won 't that be fun ? " Her only reply was another unimpressed grunt . She refused to give in . The crier 's habit of lauding Zuko and dismissing her had put the girl in a sour mood . No matter how her mother tried to cheer her up , Azula wouldn 't explain the real reason she was upset . She didn 't tell her , ' You do the same thing ' . Sitting cross - legged on the floor , her mother took Azula 's hand , pulling the child into her lap . " Come on , " she said , with a brilliant smile . " Let 's watch your brother practice . " Azula couldn 't help but relent . Her mother had such a disarming smile ; kind and warm , it always eased the troubles from her shoulders . Frustration drifting away , banned by her mother 's embrace , the girl allowed herself to rest in her arms . This was another thing about her brother that Azula resented . She wanted to begin her own training , but the masters insisted she was too young . If only she could plead it with her father - if he thought she could start now , he could make the masters teach her ! But every time she tried to convince him , he brushed her off . It was obvious that Zuko loved firebending . He talked so much about the feel of it , that someday he could dance with it , use it to fight . But for now , he struggled with his skills . It amused Azula sometimes ; he was so proud of his accomplishments , but they were so small . He insisted they would get bigger and better . Most of the time , Azula hated his enthusiasm . Often so excited , he would flaunt his abilities and training before Azula and it stung . She knew this was probably unintentional . Zuko wasn 't the type to boast and tease his sister to tears . He didn 't have the spine for it , of course , but she knew the real reason . It would disappoint Mother . And Zuko hated to disappoint Mom . Zuko moved slowly through the forms , and if he ever messed one up , he would start over . He finished the first basic forms with only some minor mistakes . He swallowed back a grin as he executed a more complicated pattern , feeling the eyes of his mother and sister , glad to show off for an audience . Zuko frowned , and started over . He moved through the form at a painstakingly slow pace , careful to execute each and every step to perfection . With a satisfied grin , he tried it again more quickly . This time , he missed a different step . He scowled . When he duplicated the mistake , he grumbled , and pushed through the rest of the form anyway . But the missed step threw his leg position off , and when he moved to complete the form , he tripped on his foot . With a yelp of dismay , Zuko fell flat on his face . " Zuko , " Mother said sharply . " Both of you stop it ! " She sighed , turning her stern gaze on her daughter . " Azula , you know we don 't laugh at other 's mistakes , especially when they 're learning something new . " Concern flashed in her eyes as she frowned at her children . " Siblings shouldn 't fight as often as you do . You should both be more thoughtful of each other 's feelings . " " You 'll get it . I know you will . " Mother flashed her disarming smile and his anger faded away , leaving only a sweet face smiling back . " I believe in you , Zuko . " " I bring a message from Prince Ozai . " He glanced at the children , looking uncomfortable . " He sends his regrets , but something has come up . He fears he will not be able to meet with you . " Mother frowned . " Did he mention what could be so important to take him away from his family ? " Her voice was polite , but her words were clipped and cold . Azula knew how angry she was . And not just by reading her expression , or the messenger 's flinch as the ice of her tone shot back at him . She had overheard her parents arguing about it before . The messenger averted his gaze , shifting his feet . " He didn 't say , Princess , but . . . " He glanced around , as if expecting Ozai to hear . " The generals are currently sharing tea to discuss the events of the war council . " The door creaked open , and a soldier stepped through . He advanced only a few feet into the chamber , pausing some distance behind Azula to bend in a sweeping bow . " Your Majesty . The so - called Firelord Zuko has sent a messenger under the golden flag of truce . " The throne knocked back against the wall as Ozai surged to his feet . Its heavy clunk against the metal joined his furious cry . " The Avatar ? " He whirled on Azula . " You said he was not here ! " Azula 's smile widened . She rose slowly , voice oozing like honey . " Is it such a chink in your armor , Father ? After all , you have said yourself that the time has come . Isn 't it too late for them to stop you ? " As he listened to his daughter 's silken words , Ozai 's shoulders began to relax . He turned back to them , the confident curve of his lips returned . " You 're right , Azula . Once the passage is fixed in place , it will be too late for anyone - even the Avatar - to stop it . " Ozai turned his cold eyes on the soldier . " Oh , yes , lieutenant . I will indulge the Firelord . The meeting shall be in the forest , and he will come alone , just as I will . " Azula watched Zuko practice . He wasn 't very good , she realized . Sure , he insisted that he would get better , and the teachers all heaped glowing admirations on him . But he 'd been trying to master that form for two whole days . She could have done it by now . Azula knew she was mostly just jealous . But she also knew what her brother was doing wrong . All afternoon , she watched Zuko practice the form in the courtyard . His reflection matched him step for step , dancing across the top of the pond . She watched , and studied his movements . The little girl scowled . When she was annoyed or frustrated , she tended to get mean . But she held it back , because she figured starting off with ' Listen , dum - dum ! ' wouldn 't get her what she wanted . Azula pursed her lips . She ran through the moves in her head , and attempted to copy the one that gave him so much trouble . " Right here , you step too far . " With an exaggerated step forward , she demonstrated the mistake . " It throws off your balance , " she explained , completing the form in slow motion to demonstrate how he always tripped . " Now watch , " Azula ordered . Resuming the beginning stance , she took a smaller step , sliding easily into the next position , and finishing off the form as best she could remember with a final flourish . " Now you do it . " Watching his little sister , Zuko copied her movements . This time , he didn 't fall . " You were right ! " Starting again , he executed the entire form . It wasn 't perfect , but he didn 't trip . He stood in the finished position , grinning triumphantly . Azula tried not to roll her eyes . After all , it was thanks to her he managed it at all . " Now will you teach me some other moves ? " Azula 's eyes brimmed with tears . " You 're just jealous ! You 're jealous because I figured out what you were doing wrong and you couldn 't ! Because I can do it and you can 't ! " " No , I 'm not , " Zuko insisted , panicked by her shouts . " I 'm glad you helped me . It 's just . . . There must be a reason they won 't let you start firebending yet . " Fat tears continued to trickle . She sniffed loudly . " But I was counting on you . Mother said we should always be able to count on each other . " She looked up at him with big , watery eyes . Those would definitely sell it if Mom 's words couldn 't . " Didn 't she ? " Azula scowled . He hadn 't asked before now , and it had irritated her . Now , she didn 't want to answer . They stood alone in the Forest , awaiting Zuko , only the sounds of afternoon to keep them company . She couldn 't shake the feeling it was only his way of killing time . With her good arm , Azula held the golden cloth of truce even as she felt the eyes of her father 's most skilled Loyal lying in wait among the foliage . Zuko would come , but he would not leave . The thought made her giggle . She snapped her gaze up , the laughter falling from her throat . Firelord Zuko stood , several dozen paces off , flanked by Avatar Aang and Admiral Jeong Jeong . Azula grit her teeth at the sight of his comrades . A dark chuckle slipped past Ozai 's lips as they curved in a bitter smirk . " So you 've learned some common sense . " He spared a glance for Zuko 's companions , a momentary flash of anger sparking in his eyes as they settled on the former deserter . " I would have caution against your admiral , Zuko ; his loyalties are so fickle . " The Firelord ignored him , though Jeong Jeong met Ozai 's glare with defiance . Instead , Zuko took in their surroundings . His eyes darkened . He turned his cold face on his father . Ozai chuckled . " Did you really think I would bring them here , Zuko ? There was no guarantee you would not betray the vow of truce . You have already brought men with you when I said to come alone . " " The Phoenix King , " Azula snapped , " Was given the right to arrange the meeting place and conditions the moment Zuzu sent his messenger . " She bared her teeth at Aang in a triumphant grin . " It 's proper war etiquette , Avatar . " " Your men are close by , Zuko , " Ozai assured him . " First , I wish to know what you have to trade for them . This is , after all , a negotiation , and your message was less than explicit . I won 't release them in return for nonsense . " He won 't release them for anything . The thought popped into her head , and Azula couldn 't suppress a giggle . Heads swiveled toward her , uncertain , scrutinizing . Her father alone did not look at her . She cursed herself , even as she clamped her lips over the laughter . Azula 's fists tightened . Her heart skipped a beat at the sound of his name , triggering a wave of panic in her chest . But how did the Avatar know ? How much did he know ? Ozai only chuckled . " If you recall , Avatar , I attempted such a feat once before . " His jaw tightened at the memory of his final showdown with the airbender child . " It proved impossible . Why would I be fool enough to undertake it again , when I have no power , no army ? " " Because you found a power stronger than your own , " Zuko answered , stepping forward . " You knew about this place , about the Faceless , long before the Avatar ever returned . You realized that a creature of great power must be responsible . I know you ; you have contingencies for every plan . When you found that first letter from Kaori about the Faceless , you probably did some digging around and when you learned that a spirit was responsible , you hid the evidence . " This time , Aang answered . " Just in case . You already had some knowledge of dark arts exploiting the realms of the Spirit World , thanks to that woman Min . With the knowledge of at least one spirit , you hoped to keep a Pai Sho tile up your sleeve . If something went wrong , if all else failed , you thought there might be some way to reign in the power of the spirits to ensure your victory . That was why you had your own people secretly exploring the dark arts , isn 't it ? To gain greater power than the mortal world had ever seen ? But you fell too far , too fast . You couldn 't follow through with your backup plan , not immediately . It probably wasn 't even ready . Did you even think you 'd ever need it ? " Her hands flew to her face . She couldn 't have betrayed him . Her face was a mask of composure ! Zuko spoke lies . Don 't listen to him , Father . He 's trying to corrupt your mind with nonsense . He wants to turn you against me , just as he tried to do with me . But her father turned from her in disgust . " You shouldn 't have brought her , " Zuko said , locking eyes with his father . " She 's slipping . Soon , she won 't be any good to you . " Azula hissed . Her brother wouldn 't even look at her . He tore her from their father 's favor , and he would not even spare her a glance . " Liar ! " She lunged at him , fingers extended like claws , grappling for his neck . Ozai anticipated the move . He extended an arm to catch her and , as she lay struggling against his strength , his glare met Zuko 's . " You are a fool , Zuko . Azula is the only precious thing I have left . " The words startled Azula . She instantly stilled . Her hands clutched at her father 's arm like an infant whose only trust in the wide , overwhelming world lay in its parent . " My only remaining child , " Ozai went on . " She alone has stood by me , and she alone receives my love . " Their father caressed his daughter 's cheek with a gentleness that surprised them all . " Blasphemy . . . " Azula stared at her father , her eyes glazed and confused . She could not comprehend his words or actions . Had he not called her a fool ? Had he not allowed the usurper to ascend her place at his ear ? And yet . . . he loved her ? Ozai turned back to the Avatar . The smirk on his lips had faded , and his expression now was grave . No more toying , no more derision . " Very well , Avatar . Perhaps I have been pushing the limits of our knowledge . What of it ? What information do you have that could possibly gain you the return of the Firelord 's spies ? " " I am here for curiosity 's sake only , Firelord Zuko , " Ozai thundered . " But my curiosity will only serve you so far . I shall be content to leave now without ever knowing what your precious Avatar claims to have discovered , but I doubt you hold the same indifference as to the fate of your men . The upper hand belongs to me , Zuko , and so you shall play by my rules . " The Phoenix King turned to Aang , his eyes blazing in righteous fury . " You will speak , and if I deem your information worthy , I shall release my prisoners . " Aang took a deep breath . " A deal with Koh will bring you nothing , Ozai , nothing but chaos and destruction . Even if he promises to give you power , or to act on your orders , he won 't . Joining the worlds together won 't make you stronger , it will only disrupt the Balance , the very fabric of the universe . You need to stop this now , before it 's too late . " " That 's not true ! " Aang cried . " The Balance would be destroyed , there 's a difference . Without the Balance , Chaos will reign and the worlds will shatter . " " And in the midst of chaos , people clamor for a strong ruler . In a time of terror and war , who better than a man such as myself ? Who better than the Phoenix King to raise a broken world from the ashes into a glory it has never even dared to imagine ? " That was his plan ? To raise the world from the ashes of Chaos ? Aang reeled back . " You 're insane ! The Chaos won 't just break the world . It will destroy it , and I guarantee it doesn 't care about your big plans . Chaos will not be ruled . " Rage boiled in Zuko 's gut . So much for a truce . He watched his father retreat , and the rage burst out . " Coward ! What about my soldiers ? " White flashed , cracking through the shadows of the forest . Ozai raised a dismissive hand . " Don 't worry , Zuko . They 'll die knowing how utterly you failed them . " Azula 's grin widened . Lightning roiled within her . Leveling her fingers at her dum - dum of a brother , she unfurled a streak of raw power . " Goodbye , Zuzu . " The lightning flashed from her fingertips . The atmosphere crackled with the current of intoxicating electricity . It tore through the air toward its target , and impaled Jeong Jeong as he thrust his own body as a shield between them . The column of fire charged at Azula . She cut the last strands of lightning from her fingers as the heat of the flames bit at her knuckles . Her hands blistered . Azula pulled back , twisting out of reach with a somersault . Feeling the heat recede , Azula caught herself , stumbling to one knee . She panted hard , surprised by the exertion . After this , she would have to treat herself to a little beauty rest . " Told you so . " The Princess smirked even as the gale plowed into her . Unsuspecting soldiers flew through the air . A few , like Azula herself , scrabbled for a handhold , but even they were thrown back by the torrent . It grabbed at her hair , her clothes . Pain exploded in her wounded arm as the wind kicked and bruised her . Branches , brambles and dust pelted and blinded her as the deafening roar numbed her ears . She was tossed like a doll over the forest floor , bouncing down , picked back up , and thrust again until she finally rolled out of reach . She heard the tinge of envy in his voice . If he got jealous , he might not be willing to teach her again . " Well , I have been watching you practice for a long time , " she oozed , batting her eyelashes . Azula didn 't want to stop . After all , Zuko spent hours every day learning his forms . But she knew she couldn 't push him . If she tried , he might decide it wasn 't worth teaching her anymore . Zuko first demonstrated the form , then she followed his movements one by one to get the feel of it . She tried it on her own , but the timing was off . On her second try , she tried to remember every minor fault of her previous attempt and consciously compensated for them . Her execution was nearly perfect . " I noticed you practicing . " Though Ozai 's words were directed at his son , he never took his eyes from Azula . " I came to watch . " Ozai waved him away . " Do it again , Azula . " Azula swallowed back her nervousness . Her father 's voice was soft , encouraging . He wanted her to learn . She repeated the form , and again her execution was almost perfect . " But Dad , " Zuko protested , stepping forward . He hadn 't been able to actually produce a flame on his own until after several weeks of intense training , and that was after a month of learning theory and exercises . " She can 't do that . I only just showed her those forms . She doesn 't know how to - " Again , Ozai waved his hand to silence his son . His eyes gleamed as they gazed into Azula 's . " Do you know the concept behind firebending ? " Azula considered . All through executing the forms , she had felt the fire there , tugging at her gut , begging to be released . Again , she nodded . Any novice firebender could not summon a flame at will . Because she had not yet learned how to navigate her chi paths , Azula decided to combine three of the easy forms to build up her energy . Her movement from one to the other was flawless . She didn 't plan out where one form would end and another begin , she simply flowed with the rhythm of the steps . She felt where they could mesh , so she meshed them . Energy rose up within her , powerful but unreleased . How did she bring it out ? She focused on it , the power in her gut filling her mind with thoughts of heat and flames , her feet dancing from one stance to the next . As she completed the last step , she punched out , forcing the energy to bend to her will . Azula stood for a moment , staring . Even after it had faded , she could not avert her gaze . Panting heavily , fatigue clawing through her insides , only one thought bounced through her head . I did it . I controlled the fire . I 'm a firebender ! Zuko glanced from one to the other . " Wh - what does that mean , Dad ? " For the first time , Ozai looked at him , a genuine smile on his face . " It means your sister will begin her bending lessons soon . " Bent double and breathing hard , Azula jumped upright at his words . " Really ? " Ozai turned his smile to her . And Azula noticed that there was something different about it . There was something in that smile that hadn 't been there when he looked at Zuko . Something more . Jealousy sparked in Zuko 's eyes even as tears welled in them . He bit his lip , fighting them back , but that did not keep Azula from noticing . This was the first time in a long time they had spoken with their father and he 'd barely noticed Zuko . I 've always been compelled by Azula 's back story . What makes her the way she is ? Obviously she 's got some mental instabilities , but even when Ursa - a truly loving mother - was around , Azula was far from an angel . I decided to explore a little more into what exactly made Azula the way she is , and I think this is a pretty decent representation of it , if I do say so myself . Wikia is a free - to - use site that makes money from advertising . We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers Wikia is not accessible if you 've made further modifications . Remove the custom ad blocker rule ( s ) and the page will load as expected . Categories :
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My DH came home from working in Tennessee last night . He drove in the driveway about 12 : 30 . He is still sleeping this morning after his 12 hour drive home yesterday . We were happy he got to work . Happy he is home for awhile . He started doing this work about 6 years ago . He is very good at it with his background in construction and building material sales . I always hate to see him go but I know he is going to help people . After a storm people need their hoems fixed as soon as possible . They are always glad to see him coming . He 's also a Christian man that lives his faith so he is honest and fair to the people he goes to see . He makes good money when he 's gone . He refilled our coffers on this trip . I 'm off to the church to decorate for Vacation Bible School . Posted in off topic , home happenings , They learned to be frugal through growing up on farms and living through the depression . They have never been rich but they have lived comfortably and had nice homes and cars . My dad took early retirement at 62 and my mother never worked outside the home . Tom Brokow wrote a book about their time called " The Greatest Generation . " They have seen amazing changes in their lives . From riding in horse drawn wagons to the space age . My mother was the " boy " in her family of five girls . She would drive the team and plow for her daddy . They moved to California from Texas just after they married and Dad got a job in an aircraft factory . They had their first child in California a year later . They have lived a long time and lived well . Sure hope they make it to their 70th wedding anniversary next year . I bought 3 - twelve packs of diet coke at CVS today for $ 7 after the Extra bucks reward . That 's just $ 2 . 33 per 12 - pack . Also found a quarter today while I was filling up with gas . Yippee ! DD Wedding : Yes ! She got married Oct . 23 . It was great ! They went to the courthouse and a very nice female Hispanic judge did their ceremony . She did a greas job by the way . It was just my DD and her DH and their six - month - old baby ; me and my DH and our six - year - old DGS . We all dressed up . The pictures turned out great . Then we all went to a nice steakhouse for dinner . We picked up the tab . Then on Saturday evening they had their wedding reception in a friend 's backyard . It was very simple with only a few family and relatives . I think we had 40 people there . My DH and I ended up spending about $ 2000 for the whole thing . His brother and his family came a long distance and we took them out to eat and paid for their hotel rooms . My DD and her DH really loved it and they were VERY appreciative , so it made it all worthwhile . I have found another $ . 55 in change since I last blogged . Including 4 dimes , a nickel , and the rest in pennies . I love dimes . Old total : $ 2 . 09 New total : $ 2 . 64 Finally had a no - spend day yesterday . My DGS begged for Taco Bell before we went home , but I stood firm , and said , " No , we have been spending too much money and we have good food at home . " So , I made it through all day without spending . Also , we went to our first cub scout meeting yesterday . It was good . I decided I wasn 't going to mind going to the meetings with him and in fact I look forward to it . Don 't know if I will go camping all weekend or not , but that 's okay . We weren 't really doing anything together and this is going to be a great opportunity to do some good things together . We have 8 in our troop . Well , our DD and her SO are making it legal on Oct . 23 . They already have a very sweet and precious 5 - month - old baby boy . They have been wanting to get married for awhile , but not finding the right time . Yes , I know the right time would have been before she got pregnant , but that didn 't happen , so now they are going for it . They said they wanted to do it in October because this is their favorite month . My DH and I talked it over and decided on what we thought we could afford to chip in for their small ceremony and reception ( party ) . Our DD is 30 and already has the baby and living on her own with SO , so we don 't feel obligated to go all out for a wedding and they don 't have much money right now since our DD is staying home with their baby . But we are very excited and happy that they are finally getting married . She is our only daughter and we have waited a long time for this day . So , even though we have a lot of debt right now , we are giving them $ 1200 to help them with expenses and as a wedding gift . They are going to the JP and then having a recption / party at a friend 's house afterward . Okay , so my DH and I are raising our DGS 6 - year - old . My DH works out of town for months at a time . Currently , he has not been home since he left at the end of June . So , I am almost totally responsible for our DGS . I work 40 hours a week , take care of DGS , our home , our dog , our cat , and our one - acre lot of yard to mow and attend to . I can probably go to the meetings and I don 't mind selling popcorn , but I am not going to be camping all weekend . I just can 't do that and work full time and take care of everything else . And I 'm pretty sure my husband won 't be willing to do it even when he is home . Don 't get me wrong , I think scouting is great . I think my DGS would really enjoy it and get a lot out of it . But I just don 't think I 'm up to it . And that really makes me kind of sad and bummed out about it . If I didn 't have to work full time , I think I could do it . But not the way things are now . My DH is a catastrophic insurance adjuster . He has been working in Pennsylvania for the past 3 months , working claims for Allstate . He makes really good money doing this job , but , there have been long spells where there was no work for him . He has been doing this job since 2005 and I have learned to save our money for when he is not working . It makes budgeting very difficult . Part of our credit card debt was from the last time he spent not working . I handle all of the finances for our family . He never looks at or pays a bill . He has no idea what we owe and what kind of savings we have . He just trusts me to do all of that . My husband has always been a very hard worker . We owned a small lumber yard and construction business for many years . We finally went broke doing that in the 90s because the economy was so bad where we lived . But , he always worked 6 days a week and many times he roofed houses because he could make a lot of money doing it . He went to work for the state for a few years and that steady income was so nice . Always knew what we would have to work with for the month . But , he got to where he didn 't like his boss and co - workers so he wanted to do this adjuster thing . So , maybe he can be home a couple of months for a break and then go somewhere and work for another 3 or 4 months . We shall see . . . . . Spending today . . . I was treated to some very nice meals on Valentine 's Day via my work . I am on a search committee to hire a new worker and we get to " wine and dine " them . So it was out for a nice lunch and an even nicer dinner . Chocolate cream brulee for dessert . It was so rich I couldn 't finish it . Meanwhile , I have been searching the ground for change when I am out and about and I can report I have found $ . 16 in the past week . Old FOTG total = $ . 27 + . 16 = $ . 43 , new FOTG total . I have not been doing much toward couponing lately , but I haven 't been spending much money either . My husband has gone to grocery shop as I write this . And it is pouring down rain , so I am glad I am here typing and dry . Thank God for sweet husbands . Late winter is such a trying time . Cold , snow , ice , wind and rain . Cloudy days on end . It 's like Mother Nature is having birthing pains to get us into Spring . I will put up the groceries when my husband comes home and we will find us a snack and try to find something good to watch on TV tonight . Last night we went out to see " There will be blood . " It is up for Best Picture . Daniel Day Lewis was really good in it . But it was so dark and theatrical I can 't really say I enjoyed . I 'm so sorry for those affected by the Northern Illinois school shootings . It is such a waste ! ! ! Those poor people didn 't do anything wrong . Stupid ! I , like many of you , have a dog . Her name is Abby . She is a mix of Austrailian Sheperd and some other good breeds . She is the sweetest thing . She weighs about 50 pounds , and she is tri - color , with golden eyes . She follows me wherever I go in the house . And since I have been here at the computer so long , she is sleeping on the floor beside me . She is a great companion . Then , my insurance company would not pay for the much less invasive heart CT Scan , because they said everyone who has the CT Scan ends up having to have the heart cath too . They didn 't want to pay for both procedures . My portion of the hospital bill was $ 998 . Luckily , I had money in my Health Flex Account to pay for it . The results of the test were GREAT ! They said my arteries looked perfect and heart function ? or something like that was , at 75 % ! Anything above 55 is considered normal . So , while I did not like having to go through the procedure and the cost involved , at least I have peace of mind about my " beater . " Not only is my heart good , it is GREAT ! He has to get up at 5 am and drive an hour , five days a week , to get to his school . Then drive home , or go to work at his fast food job . And sometimes he doesn 't get home from his job until very late at night and then do it all again . My son is raising his 3 - year - old son . The mother is not in the picture . They live with us and I help raise my grandson . Well , it seems my son has been doing some talking to some of his school friends about their loans , and questioning the financial aid office at his school . Then this morning they tell him that they overlooked , or made a mistake or something like that . And they failed to offer him a $ 7000 . 00 PELL GRANT that he was entitled to . Whoa Baby ! $ 7000 . 00 that my son or me will not have to pay back on student loans ! ! ! ! ! Now that is some good news ! ! ! So , I get to wondering about this . Did this happen because I did not co - sign for my son , maybe he started paying more attention to these loans he is incurring , and asking the questions he should have asked in the first place . I have let him handle all of the financial aid people . Anyway , I am very proud of my son for finding this error and bringing it to their attention . Or maybe , as I have talked about before , the rule is true . That when you start taking care of and respecting your money , then more money can unexpectantly come to you . My DH started a new career as an insurance adjuster about 1 1 / 2 years ago . He spent a year in Florida working the cleanup insurance claims left over from Hurricane Wilma . He finally got to come home Dec . 8 , 2006 . Then he enjoyed four months at home doing honey do 's , and working on projects in our home and yard that he had been wanting to do . I can 't quit my job and go with him because we need the health insurance we get through my job . While he was in south Florida last year I did get to go and be with him several times and it was like a nice vacation for us together in an exotic place we had never visited before . So maybe I will get to go and visit in the northeast united states too . I have always wanted to go . My husband and I have never been good about saving money . We are both in our 50s and we do not have much put back towards retirement . We will have social security and pension from work , but no 401K and a dwindling savings account until he gets back to work . Spend about $ 130 on Saturday for gifts , cake and decorations . So we didn 't spend any on sunday for easter . Hopefully , that made up for it . DH is almost finished with our new fence . It is beautiful ! Complete with an arbor , a reatining wall with flower beds , the works . But he sure ended up spending a lot more money than I was expecting . Oh well , he will be going back to work soon . He is an insurance adjuster , He was gone for a year last time and he has got to be home for three whole months without having to go make a living , so he did some things he has wanted to do for a long , long time . He is very creative and artistic and a carpenter , but he never had much time or money to build things the way he wanted to . Now he has had the time and the money , and he has created some beautiful things for us to enjoy in our yard . I put $ 200 in the envelope and DH and I headed to Walmart . We buy all of our groceries there because it is cheaper than the other three grocery stores in town . Up to $ 1 or more cheaper on items that we buy all the time . We do buy other things there as well . Diapers for our grandson , paper products , cleaners , persoanl hygiene items , things like that . hink $ 200 per week will be about right . Our total bill was $ 166 . Then we went to another store and spent $ 25 more . For a total of $ 191 . So we have $ 9 left until next Saturday for any other food items . We have never tried this before and DH is not as gung ho about it as I am . He says he is , but then he bought a huge packagae of rib - eyes . $ 28 worth . I guess as long as we don 't buy spend more than $ 9 before Saturday on food , then it will be a success . We always spent whatever we wanted to on food . DH never wanted to spend too much money eating out . But buying groceries , he never griped about . But I always noticed that our biggest expenditures every month were at the grocery store . I didn 't spend . 75 in the candy machine at work today on those M & Ms I was craving , so I will add that to my $ 20 challenge money . Good for my savings and good for my diet . Hoooorrrayyy ! Went out of town this last weekend to see my parents . It was my dad 's 85th birthday . We met my sister and her husband there and had a very nice visit . We are helping my son go to school and help him take care of our grandson . He is not working right now , so that is quite a drain on our finances , but it is so worth it for him to get the education . I am so proud of him . Sometimes he wants to quit so he can work and support his son , but we keep talking him out of it , so he will finish . He likes about another year . My husband and I are continuing to save money where ever we can . I haven 't been spending any in the vending machine at work and he has not bought any more magazines . Ha !
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When I sat down to write my first one , I hammered it out in like 30 minutes and figured I rocked that puppy . Then I started reading this fabulous book " Writing Picture Books " by Ann Whitford Paul . And with each chapter I re - wrote , re - imagined , and re - focused my manuscript . Then I went through the whole thing another two times and revamped it each time . And then I let some folks critique it . And wrote it again . And then I finally submitted it . And now I wait for an editor to hopefully love it enough to send me more revision notes ! My second manuscript is still in the revision process . And while I haven 't had to rewrite it as much as the first , it is still on version 7 . 0 or something like that . So , as I have this fabulous idea in my head for my third manuscript , I 'm hesitant to start . Not because I 'm afraid of revision , but I 'm clogging my brain so much with what I 've learned , I 'm having a hard time writing anything . I would start a sentence and think , " Oh , but I should use stronger words there . " Or , " I shouldn 't introduce a character like that . " I finally just made myself sputter the idea out on a page so I have a starting place . I 'm finding that trying to coordinate all of that knowledge about character , form , plot , pacing , word choice , strong beginnings , satisfying endings , showing instead of telling , etc . is just impossible to get down all at once . Revisions are the key to getting all that in . Hopefully more than one point can be addressed in each revision , but if not , so be it . I must be patient with myself as I learn ! My blissful ignorance sure did make that first version of the first manuscript much easier to get down . Yesterday was my father 's birthday and , naturally , we went to a bookstore to find him a present . This is a terrible idea ! Me and my husband and our three boys in a bookstore is a recipe for financial disaster . We could easily have to get a second mortgage if we aren 't careful in there . Now , my eldest son had made a deal with me that he could spend some of his piggy bank money on some books he was wanting . Okay , no big deal . But then the two younger ones see the oldest with books in his hand ( when my usual mantra in the bookstore is , " no books today " ) . Oh the injustice ! The misery ! Sadly , we can not afford to buy a lot of books in the bookstore . We are library / garage - sale / second - hand - store book people . I want to support my fellow writers by buying their books retail , but it just isn 't always possible . So , I had to convince the " not fair " chorus that we would buy them books at a second hand store later this week . In the end though , I couldn 't help but think what a wonderful problem this is to have . My husband and I have actually had to devise a strategy because our children want books so badly . How awesome ! I remember the same desire when I was a kid too . Every once in a while I 'd get to order books from the book order forms that came home . And when they arrived . . . JOY ! And for a while we belonged to several book - by - mail clubs . Some of those books are still my favorite today . Not necessarily because they are the best books , but getting them produced such happiness , it has carried with me all these years . Do you ever have a moment as an adult where you think , " What in the world is wrong with me ? " I have those moments a lot as a parent . I often find myself wondering what my children must think of their slightly deranged mother . I mean , really . Who has fits over eating one bite of broccoli ( not just the bushy tree part , but the WHOLE thing ) ? What kind of person goes nuts because there are puzzle pieces in seven different rooms in the house ? I do . That 's who . Occasionally I have these moments of very un - mom - like clarity when I think , " this is why kids think grown - ups are nuts . " And such is the stuff of picture book legend ! So often in picture books the adult is either absent , part of the problem to overcome , or a baffling enigma to the child . And rightly so . It is important for the grown - ups to be characterized this way , I think . We force our adult world on to them too often in too many ways as it is . And besides , it is how children genuinely see most adults ( with some obvious exceptions ) . And who can blame them when I do things like restrict candy intake , wash faces with spit - moistened napkins , and look at them like they 've lost their heads when they turn chairs upside - down to sit on them ? I routinely hear myself say things that I would have thought ridiculous as a child . Tapping into that part of myself is essential as an author . . . and as a parent . Maybe I should stop giving fuel to my children 's perceptions . . . Howdy folks ! I 've been on a blog - induced high this weekend seeing all the visitors to my blog from " The Great Blogging Experiment " ! I hope some folks check back in occasionally . Or think of my blog fondly at random intervals . . . " Gee , that Megan Bickel had a nice blog . Now where did I put my soup spoon ? Is the square root of pi really a useful number ? " That sort of thing . Any - whoozle . On to my weekend recommendation . Remember , I 'm no book reviewer . I just like to pass on a title each weekend that I 've enjoyed . And then when you are at the library or bookstore you can think , " What should I get ? What did that lovely Megan Bickel recommend ? Where did I put my soup spoon ? " I will admit that it took me a little bit to get into this book because it actually does deal with dadaism and I wasn 't fully prepared for such a topic when I picked up a picture book . But it is worth the effort ! Humorous , informative , crazy and dadaist to the max . Enjoy ! Today I 'm taking part in the " The Great Blogging Experiment " started by YA author , Elana Johnson . She suggested we all write on the topic above and just see how many different kinds of posts we get . Over 150 people signed up to participate ! So check out Elana 's blog here and check out the vast list of participants ( including Elana herself ) . On to the topic ! How to write compelling characters . This is a very interesting subject to me in terms of picture books . Most of the advice I 've read on this is geared toward YA or middle grade authors . All of the advice - givers say that it can apply to picture books as well , but I think there are some different things at play for the picture book audience . First , your character has to be illustratable ! There is a very fine balance in picture books between revealing your character 's attributes in the writing , and letting the illustrator be a creative force as well . I find that I always over - describe in my first few drafts of a story . Then I have to start deleting . I these initial description overkills are necessary for me to get the character solidly in my head , but they do eventually have to be taken out for the sake of the audience and the illustrator . Second , characters don 't have to be human , but the audience still has to relate to them . I realize there are some YA and MG exceptions to the human rule , but it is obviously much more common in picture books to find non - human characters . Personally , I haven 't written any " talking animal " stories yet . I read great ones everyday and my children love them , but I have trouble writing them . I am a very strong believer that a picture book 's main character has to be totally relatable to a child and I 'm just not able to write relatable animals ( or leaves , creatures , fruit , whatever ) yet . I hope to experiment with it soon , but until I feel I can get it right , I 'll leave it to the experts . Finally , I have been asking myself all week what makes a character compelling to a three year old . Looking at my own three year old , he seems to go for characters that exude the same kinds of helplessness that he has in his life . The brilliance of a good PB writer shines when they are capturing the vulnerabilities of a child while not making the child - reader feel threatened or adrift in a big scary world . That is such a fine line for the picture book to walk . Using the above mentioned non - human characters is one way to do this ( think Clifford and Curious George ) , but what are some other ways ? That is the question I am wrestling with right now in my writing . I 'd love to hear your ideas ( if any of you fellow bloggers touched on this in your post today , leave the link ! ) . Monday I talked about how researching picture books is a lot of fun . But book research is only half the battle when you are interested in being published . You also have to research those people who may publish your work and / or represent you . In other words , publishing houses ( and magazines , in my case ) and agents . For me , magazines came first . With the help of my sister - in - law , Sue , I found the Society of Children 's Book Writers and Illustrators ( SCBWI ) . She has been published in a few magazines and told me SCBWI is the place to start . She was very right . SCBWI is a wealth of information and support . Part of what they provide is a listing of children 's magazines , their websites , guidelines , etc . So , with that in hand , I 've been able to find how to submit and who to submit to and get an education on the kinds of things they put in their issues . Not too bad . Then came picture book publishers . Again , SCBWI has a handy listing of publishers and what they publish , how to submit to them , if they take manuscripts from unagented writers , if they accept manuscripts sent to more than one publisher at a time , and so on . This is where is starts to get complicated though . Because just looking at this list is not enough . You have to put in the time to research the exact kinds of books each publisher wants . This involves lengthy trips to their websites , libraries and bookstores . It is also hard to keep track of all the rules of each publisher . I 'm a very organized person when it comes to this endeavor , but I still get lost and confused from time to time . To add to my information overload here , I also purchased a copy of the 2011 Children 's Writer 's & Illustrator 's Market , which contains another listing of publishers and their particulars . Then comes the agent question . There are quite a few publishers that won 't look at unagented materials , including a lot of the " big " houses . This is quite understandable , but it adds to the research tornado . Do I want an agent ? Is it worth trying to find one ? Then I could just write and have my agent submit things to publishers . But , it is difficult to find one ( especially for picture book writers ) and if I want one , it is time to start a whole new level of research ! There are hundreds of agents looking for different things , with different submission or query requirements , with different personalities and work style . Oy . So , in the end , I 'm researching on many levels . I 'm not currently going to try to find an agent , but I still keep my ears and eyes open about them because I may pursue that down the road . This path to publication is not for the faint of heart , or the research - phobic ! Yesterday was one of my days I got to go to the library all by my little lonesome to do a little work . I was very happy to have a couple hours to just write , as this seems to happen about once a week at this point . Full of optimism and enthusiasm , I sat down in my cubbie and opened my notebook . And then I checked my e - mail on my phone . And then I checked Twitter . And then I read some of my book on picture book writing . And then I flipped through my listing of publishers . And then I stared at the blank page again . One hour down and no writing on the page . Then I surfed the web . Then I checked my e - mail . Then I sat and stared at the stacks around me . Augh ! I e - mailed my husband and he ( very wisely ) said , " You need a break . " I was annoyed with myself since I so rarely get writing time and I couldn 't write . But , when the muse isn 't there , the muse isn 't there . So , I took my husband 's advice and packed it in . I got in my car and put on some very loud music and drove to pick up my son from pre - school . Right in the middle of my off - tune shout / singing of " Bad Romance " the idea I had been trying to coax out , hit me . Luckily I had just pulled into a parking spot at the school because this warranted some serious dancing . And thank goodness I was early and the other parents weren 't around yet , as my dancing is libel to be mistaken for a medical emergency . But I danced for a good five minutes at the joy of breakthrough . I 'm going to take today 's post to talk for a minute about why I 'm doing this blog . Quite simply , I am trying to establish an online presence . One of the things that is mentioned frequently by agents and publishers is that they would like their authors to be online in some form . The reasons for this are many . There is an obvious sales advantage to having an author who already has a following . Also , it allows readers to make a personal connection to the author ( and therefore , the book ) . Another item in the " plus " column is that editors and agents can get a quick lesson in this person that they may be putting their time and money into . An added bonus I have found though , isn 't often mentioned in books / conferences / other websites . It is the connection within the writing community . Getting to know my fellow travelers on this journey has been a joy and a surprise . And we are all trying to get our names out there and establish our presence . So , one of these fellow writers , the wonderful Rachael Harrie , devised an idea . She is getting a bunch of us to join together to get our names and sites out to more folks . We are all " signing up " to basically promote one another and ourselves at the same time . So , I 'd encourage you to sign up if you are a fellow writer - type person looking to get yourself out there more . And if you are just a reader of my blog , I want to urge you to visit and follow some of my peers ( if I can presume to call them such ) . Click here to visit Rachael 's site and find out more about it . She 'll be posting lists of the participant 's websites soon . Is there ever a time research is fun ? I 've always wanted to be Samantha Brown from the Travel Channel researching hotels and quaint European towns . I think that would be way fun . But I have also discovered that researching pictures books is also super fun ( and doesn 't involve living out of a suitcase ) . For the past few months I 've been reading just about every picture book I can get my hands on . I 'm pulling books off the library shelves by handful and just jumping into them . I plant myself at the bookstore and reach up to play picture book eenie - meanie - miney - moe . I 'm re - reading books that have been buried under piles in the kids bedrooms . And I 'm reading them all with new eyes . In some books I thought I didn 't like , I 'm now seeing new value . For example , for some reason I had never been a huge fan of " Where The Wild Things Are . " I know , this is sacrilege . I think I was always kind of scared of Max . I 'm a very non - confrontational person and Max just lets it all out . But , of course , this book has always been on my bookshelf and my sons love it . When I started learning more about story structure and construction , I found that this book is often held up as THE best example of picture book writing . Now when I pick it up , I have a new found respect and admiration for it and I am learning something more from it each time . Max still makes me a little nervous , but I can love him more these days . I 've also found there are some books that I love that don 't follow the definition of good picture book writing . I find that when I read them I 'm searching for what makes me love them in spite of this . Is is the character ? Is it a situation I personally relate to ? Is it just funny ? The best part of this research is the endless nature of it all . I could read picture books until the cows come home and I 'll still find more . What about non - fiction picture books ? How about those picture books based on TV or movie characters that are churned out constantly ? Picture books dealing with serious issues ? Picture books with no words ( as a writer I 'm fervently opposed to this kind - ha ! ) ? The shelves at the library and bookstore just go on and on and on . My recommended picture book this weekend is " The Quiet Book " by Deborah Underwood and illustrated by Renata Liwska . I love the pictures in this book . They match the tone perfectly and are just adorable . Check this one out as a great bedtime book ! Note just for Carin : Don 't go looking too closely at this one . Elizabeth may already be crossed off my Christmas list . * Wink , wink * Last week I had two whole hours all to myself when all three of my kids were in school . This is a rare treat . Time for me ! I was kind of at a loss for what to do with myself . I didn 't want to go home and do chores . This was special time . I can grumble and moan about the dishes and the bathroom floor while the kids are with me . So , I decided to grab my notebook and head to the library to find a quiet spot to just write . Imagine the luxury ! I would be able to complete thoughts , write whole sentences and maybe even brainstorm some new ideas . I practically skipped through the front doors . Then I did something entirely foreign to me . I turned left into the grown - up part of the library instead of turning right into the children 's room ! It was a whole new world ! Mind you , I 've been going to this library at least once a week for the past three years , but I discovered two whole rooms I didn 't know where there ! I 've run briefly into the grown - up stacks to grab a mystery novel occasionally , but I had never explored this part of the library . So , I wandered around for a bit just admiring the books , tables , computers , and such . Then I found a cozy cubbyhole for myself and got settled . I started writing . Oh the joy ! The peace ! The . . . snorting and sniffling of the people next to me . Gross ! There were two people hacking all over the place . It was so disgusting I had to move . I circled around the room looking for a place far enough away from the germ - fest , but ours is a small library . So , I went back to the front of the library and headed for the children 's room . Back where I belong . I found a desk spot and cheerfully listened to kids playing as I wrote . The children 's librarian was baffled to see me without my normal hip attachments , but I explained that I tried being a grown - up , but couldn 't . I 'd rather be with the kids . One of the talented writers from my critique group , Christie Wright Wild , is having a fun contest on her blog right now ! So zip on over and check it out ( and explore the rest of her site while you 're there ) ! She is asking people to list their three favorite words and you could win Children 's Writers 's Word Book by Alijandra Mogilner ! I 'd love to see your favorite words . Can you guess mine ? They are in the comment section of her blog . About a month after I sent out my first batch of magazine submissions I got my first rejection letter . You would think the normal response would be to feel upset or discouraged . I , however , had the opposite reaction . I was joyful ! Because if I 'm getting rejected , that means I 'm trying . I 'm writing . I 'm submitting . I 'm out there . I did a little dance when my husband handed me my self addressed stamped envelope . Someone out there had read my work ! Yes , they rejected it . But they did so nicely . It was a form rejection letter , but I thought it was a very pleasant one . Ironically we had received our copy of this particular magazine in the mail the day before and I saw an article that was VERY similar to the one I had submitted , so I was expecting a rejection anyway . But one overwhelming theme of the children 's writing world is kindness . Yes , it is business , but it is also a fantastic community of writers , illustrators , editors , publishers , teachers , agents , and everyone in between . But I digress . . . Since that first rejection , I 've gotten several more in the mail . I have to admit that the last one bummed me out a little , but that was the first one that did . I let myself pout for about an hour and then got out my notebook and started brainstorming new ideas for the magazine that I had sent the latest rejection . Keep learning and writing ! I give my writing to these people too and I get the heaps of praise too . But I don 't think that their seal of approval means it is book - ready . I know that I need objective opinions of other writers and I 've started to seek those out ( thank you new critique group ! ) . However , I would like to say that the gushing of family and friends is very important to the writer . By it 's nature , writing is an exercise in rejection . So , having some people say , " This is fantastic ! " is good for the soul and ego . And I have to tell you , I discovered the best praise yesterday . I have a story that I 'm submitting to a magazine that I based on my oldest son , William . It is a modified story about when he got his " real " tool box . William has been very interested in this idea of me writing stories and he asked to read it . He started laughing so hard he was turning pink . Now , I know that this laugh came from the fact that it was based on him as well as his mother 's humor ( because let 's face it . . . I formed his sense of humor ! ) . But then he asked me to print it out and he took it downstairs to read to his brother , Henry . What to write . . . what to write . . . what to write ? I asked myself this question over and over again when I decided to jump into this writing thing . I quickly realized I wanted to try to write for children 's magazines . I mean , who hasn 't loved Highlights all their life ? Was there anything better than finding an unmarked - up copy of Highlights in the dentist office ? Actually , that is still the best part of going to the dentist office . And magazines often reach large numbers of children in ways that books may not . Plus it involves getting mail . I still do the happy mail dance each day when it arrives and my kids run to me and ask , " are there any magazines for me ? " What could be better than being a part of that joy ? So , that decision was easy . The hard part was deciding to focus on just picture books . As soon as I started looking into " kidlit " I found out that it encompasses board books , picture books , early readers , middle grade and young adult . Frankly , I have ideas for all these genres . But it became apparent that each genre has its own style , rules , challenges , and learning curve . I figured I needed to focus on one . That way I could educate myself as much as possible on that one style and take a stab at it . I chose picture books . Not because they seemed easier . In fact , the mere idea of trying to create a memorable story that can touch children 's hearts and imaginations in less than 500 words is terrifying . When your standards are Maurice Sendak and Dr . Suess , the bar is WAY high . No , I chose picture books because I love them . I love finding a good one . I love reading them out loud . I love reading them to myself . I could flip through picture books all day . And I believe a good picture book can define parts of your childhood . Some of my favorite memories involve reading " Go Dog , Go " to my kindergarten class and Frank Asch 's " Popcorn " over and over in my room . Now there is rarely a time when I have more than 30 consecutive seconds of free time . In fact , in writing the last three sentences , I 've gotten up twice . Once to get apple juice and once to tell Jack to stop throwing the blanket over the kitty . So , part one of my strategy is idea retention . This is simply being able to remember what I was doing when I got interrupted . Perhaps you think this is no big deal ? Then you must not be a mother . A mother 's brain is a whirlwind of information that can not always be counted on to produce the right bit of information on demand . So , I have become queen of the one - word memory trigger . Let 's say I 'm working on a story and just had a fabulous idea and then I get hollered at to find a piece of a toy that no one has seen in four months . Before I leap up from my chair , I jot one or two words quickly in the margin . I can come back from my victorious toy hunt and can pick right back up where I left off . The only time this does not necessarily work is when the fabulous idea I had was so off in left field that the reminder word makes no sense ( what did I mean with ' shoelace parachute ' ? ) . My second way of tackling this problem is writing everywhere and whenever I can . Two minutes waiting in the parking lot for school to end ? Write in the notebook I carry in my purse . 45 seconds before the soccer game starts ? Jot a note in the memo section on my phone . 10 minutes sitting upstairs in the boy 's bedroom waiting for one of them to fall asleep ? Write in the pitch black on a scrap piece of paper I found on the floor . When I look at it in the light , it may look like it was written by a drunk serial killer , but my ideas are there ! I thought a nice weekend feature would be to just mention a picture book that I have read recently that I would recommend to folks ( because I 'm reading a LOT of picture books trying to learn more about them ) . I checked " Bridget 's Beret " out from the library last week and I can 't stop thinking about it . It is written and illustrated by Tom Lichtenheld . This book is so totally charming , I can 't get over it . It is funny , the illustrations add so much to the story , it is educational ( both in styles of hats and art ) , and it is a sweet story about a little girl that isn 't so sweet it puts you into a diabetic coma . As a side note , I also got " Shark vs . Train " on that same library run . Tom Lichtenheld illustrated that book as well and it is also totally worth the read . My boys loved it ! It was written by Chris Barton and is clever and funny and a perfect book for an afternoon story time . Mr . Barton 's blog is here . P . S . I 'm not planning on reviewing books at this time . I just wanted to offer some recommendations in case you are looking for a good book to pick up for your kids . Just a friendly word - of - mouth ( or word - of - blog , I suppose ) sort of thing . I dream big . I 'm still semi - sure I 'm going to win the lottery someday . I practice my Oscar acceptance speech each year . And I 'm certain I 'll be plucked from the crowd at an IndyCar race to drive for Team Penske . But , the fact of the matter is , I can 't control any of those dreams at the moment . This dream of seeing my picture book on the shelf or seeing my article in a magazine , I can . I 'm actually a little surprised at my own resolve on this one . But when I started to just tinker around with writing , I felt like my brain suddenly woke up . I literally had trouble sleeping the first two weeks because my brain wouldn 't turn off . I feel like I have a whole new sense of self . Like I just stumbled upon what I 've been missing all along . I don 't mean to overstate it , but I have a whole music - break - in - the - movies sequence thing in my head of " Megan - The Writer " with KT Tunstall 's " Suddenly I See " playing loudly . I honestly didn 't want to tell many folks I was doing this until I was relatively sure I was going to stick with it . But the feeling I have just from TRYING to write is so great , I can 't see giving it up , even if I never get published . I 'm enjoying the process too much . And in the end , I 'll either have published works to share with the world , or a nice little treasury of stories just to share with my kids . Sounds like a win - win dream to me ! I recently had an epiphany , you see . I find that most of my mom friends kind of just go into this mom - shell for a while . Sometimes it is just until they are able to sleep more than 2 hours at a time . Sometimes they are in it until their baby goes to college . Mine lasted almost exactly eight years . Not that I suddenly have less to do as a parent , mind you , but I feel like I 've kind of hit a groove . I have my oldest two in school all day and my littlest man is pretty easy - going . I 've hit a stride with my job ( which I do from home ) and have it under control . Our other activities are second nature at this point ( soccer , parish council , etc . ) . So I had time to take a breath and think about me . And here is what I thought . . . " I need a creative outlet ! " Back in high school , I was in speech and I was a theater major in college . Theater is just not an option at this point . We have too much going on to try to throw a rehearsal schedule in there . So , I did some brainstorming and came to a conclusion that is , apparently , not all that unusual . I wanted to write for children . I started to do some research and realized that a lot of stay - at - home - moms ( SAHMs ) also have this aspiration . It is a logical fit . I 'm around kids all day . I love reading them books . In fact , I love books in general . I 'm always thinking , " I could write that ! " I 'm a decent writer . But then I did more research and quickly realized this is much more complicated than just deciding I want to write for children . I need some background , information , education , drive , connections , luck , time and skill . But that hasn 't scared me away . I 've joined the Society of Children 's Book Writers and Illustrators ( SCBWI ) . I 'm going to my first conference in a month . I 'm checking out every book I can about writing ( I even purchased a few ! ) . I 'm making friends in the writing world and reading blogs and websites of writers / editors / agents . I 've recently joined a critique group . I 'm writing and re - writing and re - writing stuff . I 'm submitting things to magazines and editors . And I 'm starting this blog to document the journey ! Posted by After taking the last few weeks off from my blog , I have come to a conclusion . I need to retire the blog . I am finding that I have much m . . . So , I 'm a picture book person . I not only love writing them , I LOVE reading them . For many of us , picture books started our love o . . . I spent this morning looking at pictures out of Joplin , MO . The most deadly tornado in 60 + years hit there on Sunday night . I spent most . . . I have always loved that phrase . It sums up my life so completely ! When I have one thing to do , it ends up being 20 . But it is also a con . . . The day has come ! The time is now ! My first blogfest is upon us ! I 've had a great group of people sign up to bravely blog about thei . . . What next ? This is a question I 've been struggling with for about a year now . Before then , I just kind of lived in the moment knowing . . .
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( sigh ) Two weeks . Two weeks of not tying or walking the cow . That was all it took for Sweet Caroline to no longer allow me to walk up to her in the pasture and put the halter on her . In fact this morning I couldn 't even put the lead rope around her neck like I used to do when she was unsettled to keep her standing nicely so I could then halter her . The first week was my own fault . I didn 't get out there to work with her like I should have . The flu came to our house and I just didn 't make time to walk the cow too . The second week I am going to blame on G . W . the bull . We had a little go - ' round one morning when I went out there . It wasn 't nearly as bad as it could have been but it left me with a sore back for a few days . After that we moved to a temporary three pen system . I love working with our cows . I say it all the time and yet , when I 'm out there with them it 's 50 / 50 if I 'm happily working or angry and cursing . Even on the days I 'm jumping the gate to get out of the pen I go to bed thinking " What a good day ! " Today was one of those days . I was able to be home a few hours longer this morning and decided I was going to go out and take Caroline for a walk . It has been a few days and I don 't want her to get out of practice . With the baby down for a nap , the other two and I headed out . Both were instructed they were not allowed in the pen . They could watch through the fence or go play . I should have known better and just told them they had to go play . I had a few alfalfa cubes in my pocket , a lead rope and the rope halter . The little boy was on my heels with a million questions that I answer the best I can . When " I don 't know " or " Just because " are the only answers left I start with " because that 's how God wanted it " . By the time we got to the gate we were on the edge of what God thought was best . Mike has Lucy and Wheezy in their own pen , eagerly awaiting calves . The rest are in the corral . I unhooked the gate and wandered in . Immediately Caroline headed my direction … along with last year 's calves and G . W . the bull . I didn 't bother with treats because there was no way I could just give one to Caroline , instead I just started to try and put the lead rope around her neck . Once she 's got a rope on it 's pretty easy to lead her out and put the halter on . I never got that far . G . W . was being even pushier than his usual self , which by the way , has been getting worse . Right away he started with the head rubbing . He lowers his head and rubs it on my side or leg . For a little cow he 's got plenty of push behind him . It wasn 't too long before he had me pushed down the fence line and away from the gate . At this point I was frustrated . I have learned to not push him back or it turns to a game and he just uses more muscle . Face to face we started to circle the pen , my thought was to circle around so I could jump the gate . Both a blessing and sometimes a curse that the little boy cannot yet open the gates . Well we didn 't make it that far before there was a break in the pressure . He let up and had a short running , kicking fit . It was enough to give me a chance to break for the gate . I wasn 't about to tangle with the 4 strands of barbed wire , just get to the gate . I wasn 't close enough before he was back and my next step landed me flat on my back . G . W . McLintock I was past frustrated by this point . I was pissed . My life didn 't flash before my eyes , instead it was " shit ! Get off the ground you 're pregnant ! " From the ground to my feet I 'm not totally sure how it went but I remember seeing for dancing brown hooves and then climbing the gate … where I was met with question one million and one . " We need to stop giving G . W . any attention . He had me flat on my back just now and I can 't work with Caroline when he 's there . He can be comfortable with us being out there without acting like an overgrown dog . I tried throwing some hay to distract him but then she ate too and I couldn 't get to her without him noticing . " I think he could tell by the tone in my voice that I was pissed . G . W . wasn 't on his way to hamburger , but he was on my list . " Well maybe you should stay out for now . You don 't need to get hurt . We will figure something out for him . " " I don 't want her to get wild on me because I can 't keep working with her for a while . I started over a few times with Lucy . I 'd rather not do that again . " Later Mike called suggesting we put up a temporary pen for G . W . so that I can work with Caroline without any trouble . After some discussing we changed that to a pen for Caroline . Keep the bull behind four strand of barbed wire and two electric ones . We swapped work for kids at noon . By three Mike sent a text " Caroline 's pen is ready for her to move in . " It 's been just short of two weeks ago that the cows came home . It was nice to have everyone back on the farm where they belong . The girls were bred and are due late spring . They spent their time away with my uncle 's herd of Angus . They were comparable in size to this year 's calves it seemed . So as we drove by they were easy to spot from the road . I didn 't visit them nearly as much as I should have , but one Sunday we did stop in after church . They were all on the other side of the pasture when we arrived . I stood at the fence and called for Lucy . It wasn 't too long before she wandered slowly over , Wheezy followed keeping her distance . She refused to eat from my hand as she used to but I was just happy she still came when called . While the girls were out Elvis and G . W . settled right in . They have become so tame . I 'm so glad we are not going to eat G . W . . He is so friendly , he will walk up to me in the pasture to be pet . I can get the burdock off of him without any fuss . He is so sweet . Elvis is the same . I already dread the day he has to go . That 's going to be a rough one . Elvis took G . W . under his wing and they became good buddies . This was made more apparent when the cows came back . Wheezy 's horns look to have grown 6 inches while she was away and she has learned she likes to use them . Hers have grown much more forward instead of upward as Lucy 's are . As soon as they hopped out of the trailer they began chasing the boys around trying to establish a pecking order again . Because the girls get so territorial over the big hay feeder Mike made a couple smaller feeders in the barn . I was worried that the boy 's weren 't going to get any feed . Every time they get in the barn Wheezy runs them out . They look great ! And work well . I asked for 2 more once I saw them installed , then we could remove the big feeder and give them a little more room in there . Last night Wheezy and I had a little " get to know you " . It wasn 't a full blown " come to Jesus " , I 'm hoping it doesn 't get that far , because that will end one of two ways : I come out on top and she will mind from then on out or she will take that round and when I recover she will be turned into hamburger . Lucky for both of us it didn 't go that far . I 'm giving both girls the benefit of the doubt that they haven 't been home for too long and are still getting readjusted . I went into the pen with an arm full of hay for Hank ( his feeder is next to the fence most easily accessed through the cow pen ) . I wasn 't a few feet in the gate when Wheezy lowered her head and came towards me . It wasn 't a leap or real charge , there wasn 't enough room between us for that , but it was obvious she thought she was going to establish a Queen Bee status with me . This time she got an up close view of my boot . Right between the eyes . She wasn 't expecting it and she backed up pretty quick , tripped on her own feet and then stood there for a minute processing what just happened . We had a bat inside the front door of the house , only because shortly after we moved in I found it marking a gopher hole in the field , brought it in and hadn 't thought to move it since . But in the last week Mike had finally moved it to the barn and it happened to be right outside the pen . I grabbed the bat , hay in hand , and told Wheezy to get out of the barn . She left , I fed Hank and went on my way . I didn 't have to use the bat that night . I hope I never do . I don 't want to hurt any of our animals but my 115lbs up against the 700lbs of horned Wheezy , I 'm going to need Jesus and a bat if she gets mad . This morning Mike and I moved the big feeder so it 's no longer next to the outside door in hopes the boys will be able to make their way in to the other feeders on the wall . Wheezy came in and said hi . She kept her distance . We 've been in the market for a bull this year . After planning to A . I . ( artificially inseminate ) the girls , then not , and then again planning to . When we finally were able to get a hold of the vet and get the process started , I 'm not sure what happened but we haven 't heard back from him in a few weeks again and have given up on that for the time being . All the while we have been looking for a bull of our own . Everyone we talk to that uses A . I . on their cows also has a bull to take care of the ones that the A . I . didn 't take . I 'm not a fan of that method to begin with and then when you add all the costs that go with it , it 's rather expensive . You go through the whole process and still have a decent chance that it won 't work and you will need a bull anyway . I don 't understand why I would go through all that when having a bull on site will do the same thing ? From what I figure … in my head without too many numbers … the cost for the vet , the shots to put them into heat , the straws ( which depending on what bloodline you want , start at $ 25 and go past $ 100 each , and have a 5 straw minimum ) , figure two straws per cow - times how many cows , it can get rather pricey . Now go through all that and some don 't take . So , you either , buy or rent a bull to have the girls impregnated the old fashioned way . Wouldn 't it make more sense to just buy a quality bull right off the bat and not have to mess around with all the rest ? We are already doing cow chores daily so adding another mouth over the fence isn 't that bad in the scope of things . The only hay problem we have is we either need to find someone to buy some or we need to get a few more cows to eat it ( and the second cutting is getting baled tomorrow ) . After some looking we found one near by , affordable and looked like a good quality animal . We were all set to pick him up and the farmer called to say we couldn 't take him because of another deal he had going and a misunderstanding with that guy . He felt really bad to have to back out . He offered us one of his bull calves instead , it was a deal . We were able to bring the girls down to my uncle 's and put them in with his bull this year . Using a borrowed truck and trailer we packed up early that morning and headed farther into the country to a little farm not too far from ours . The farmer met us at the barn where he had this years calves penned up for easier catching . The way it sounded they were all going to be sold that day . We got first pick . Talk about cute ! I was hoping for the red , horned one , Mike wanted the dun without horns . We got the dun . I named him . G . W . McLintock . If you haven 't seen the movie , I 'm not sure we can be friends … Well maybe . My grandpa was a fan of John Wayne and old western movies . That , McLintock , is one of my favorites . The little guy will have to grow into the name . When we first were discussing getting the calf as opposed to finding another bull neither of us were too excited about the idea . After a little thought I was quite happy it worked out the way it did . He has only been " home " for a few days and he is already quite friendly . He is learning what a halter is and let me tell ya ' , it is so nice to work with a critter that small . Welcome ! WildFlower Farm is a humble little farm in Puposky , Minnesota . Its home to our family and a variety of barn yard animals . This is where I traded my chef hat for a straw hat and began to farm . After years of a career as a professional pastry chef and bakery owner it was time for a change of pace . My love for baking lead me to a love of good food and grains .
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My Granny is having a hear attack . The news were as sudden as they were inevitable . She turns 90 next week , and would kill me for publicizing that . This woman has been a point of reference and an inspiration for the better part of my life . When I was very young , because she was a marvelous story teller . She could keep us under her spell for hours , recounting the adventures of Calentito , a made up character of a rather small white dog with black spots . I don 't remember any of the specifics . I remember we loved them . I remember once , not too long ago , asking her to tell one of my nephews a story , and watching how she put him under the same spell , more than two decades later . My mother always highlights that the woman we know is not the mother she grew up with . Her mother , apparently , was stern and strict , and the main reason that my mother was the total opposite . She would throw clothes out the window if my mother or her siblings had failed to put them away properly . She didn 't mess around apparently . The woman I know is very different . She is gentle , kind , and positive to the point of delusion . I always remember one of her last visits to Europe . She had a terrible leg pain which haunts her to this day . She was struggling to go down the stairs , from the TV room back to her bedroom , one step at a time , both hands on the hand rail , I walked slowly by her side . Then she stopped and turned to look at me , Her father left them at a young age . Surprisingly she had attended college . I say surprisingly because not only did this take place a really long time ago , but it happened in Peru , where things are a bit more backward than in the West . She was number two of her class . The man who later became my grandfather was number one . She got knocked up and never graduated . This last part we only learned a few years back , and she would also kill me for publishing it , but alas , it reaffirms her will to enjoy every cup . How they got together was every bit as unimaginative as how they separated ; he left her for a younger woman ; a woman she knew , a woman that had travelled in their care , the daughter of friends they had seen as a potential partner for their youngest son . This son , in turn , developed schizophrenia and suffered an untimely death after years of struggle . I mean , I have no doubt that she cried and suffered , but the woman that I have known for the last thirty odd years was joyous and positive , and always had a kind word . She was good humoured , happy and grateful for what good cards she did have . Her home was a refuge for those in need , who would stay for months at a time . She supported a friend who fed street children in her garage , into what grew to become and amazing little NGO . I regret every letter I did not send . I regret every phone call I did no make . I regret that she has not met my children , but most of all , I regret that they will not get a chance to know her . She lives in Peru and felt too old to travel . I started having kids and it was too hard to travel . I haven 't seen her in years . But we did email , and every now and then we skyped . Yes , the woman skyped , although she had blocked her camera so that she would not have to get dressed up for every conversation . She lived alone , did her own shopping and drove her own car until recently . On one of her last airplane trips she came to visit me while I was posted in Colombia . I had a lovely apartment that looked to the green lush mountains in Bogota . While I worked she would read with the marvelous view and the sun in her face . At night we would talk . And oh boy could she talk . After living a lone for some time it was a shock to the system to be welcomed by whom I endearingly called " the singing bush " , after a character out of the movie Three amigos which refuses to stop singing even after the its scene has ended and drama has ensued . But after I surrendered the old magic reemerged , it was like in the old days ; she told me stories of her life that I wish I 'd written down . Bits of who she was and what she had lived which brought so much more color to the woman whose warmth I so cherished . And now I sit waiting , waiting for news from the opposite end of the world , a world that today feels too big . Waiting , wondering and hoping . Hoping for more time , enough time to make it there with my children , to see her laugh at their naughtiness , and them wonder at her stories . Wondering if I should keep waiting or cross the world in time to get one last story . I wrote this yesterday . Today my mother arrived in Lima and was greeted by my grandma at the ICU with " why did you come here ? I wasn 't well yesterday ( understatement of the year , she has been having a heart attack for two days now ) , but I refused to die . " God I love that woman . PPS March 2011 I made it down to peru with my entire family , my kids got to meet her and she got to meet them . My sister came down as well with her 5 kids . Reactions : 4 comments : My two year old ( boy ) has finally discovered his new best friend , and it 's NOT his sister , but something that was there all along . As a trained psychologist I haven 't always seen eye to eye with Freud , but if there is one thing I always agreed with was on the sexuality of children . Not in the ( sick ) sense some pedophiles try to use it , but rather the fact that children soon in their lives , some sooner than others , discover that their bodies can give them pleasure . I think this is normal and I think this is healthy , and that it is up to us - the adults - to make sure that they feel this way about their bodies and their sexuality too . But it 's not that simple . Initially I gave everyone instructions to act casual and let him be , while telling his sister that it was his toy , one that they could not share . ( I also had to instruct her not to pull it or throw things at it … ) Us adults , filled with all our preconceptions and prejudices , would just have to deal with the awkwardness and bear it with a smile . Then one day my little mongrel was all cuddly , lying on my lap while drinking his milk bottle , much like a kitten . I was chatting away with my father and my mother in law . The sun was setting on the horizon and the water under the boats was turning from blue to green before the inevitable farewell pink . Then he pulled it out and began his works , right in the middle of our conversation , stretched out over me , sunny side up . It made me realize that it was time to start putting some boundaries . So I tried to explain to him that it is ok , it is fun , but it is private ; which means you can only do it at home , and NOT at the table , and lastly , the most delicate part for me , that only he can play with it . The reasons the last one is the most delicate is because he still uses diapers at the night , and sometimes has accidents during the day , and generally speaking , he is two years old and me , his father , the grandparents , the nanny , and a whole bunch of adults clean him and bathe him on a regular basis . So how do I explaiLinks to this post I sit on a beautiful white beach under the shade of the eucalyptus trees . In the horizon lies the blue and emerald waters of the Sardinian coast . It is hot , too hot even for me . I 'm not used to these temperatures anymore . The beach is crowded , full of happy bodies fighting to attract the attention of the sun while staying cool . They come and go . Some on their mobile phones , some playing paddle knee - deep in the cool waters . Small groups of women walk back and forth immersed in conversation . A lonesome shadow sits no too far from me . The man rests under some sort of short and stubby palm tree . His skin is the color of deep night . A funny triangular cow skin hat hides his face from me , making him nothing but a shadow , almost a mirage . He is wearing a colorful dress which leaves no doubt of his origin . He is an African man , probably here illegally , probably selling hats , or necklaces made god - knows - where with god - knows - what claiming to be bone . He looks tired and defeated . But probably I am just imagining this because I can barely see his face at all . He seems so out of place . We are here on holidays . In the distance I can see the kids run back and forth bringing water to a hole made in the sand that quickly drenches their efforts . They don 't mind , and giggle as they run back into the sea for more . Their biggest concern this week is how to get more ice cream from the grandparents . My biggest concern is ensuring they have enough sun screen . We are surrounded by tanned Italian bodies . Most of them fashionable , skinny and beautiful . Some bear the mark of time , but all well kept and looked after . The irony of the well off ; we have to fight the excess . We fight the fact that we can eat until we make ourselves sick and fat . This shadow before me , one of many that cross our path during the day , they fight to stay alive , to feed themselves , for families they 've left behind they may or may not see again . They are a cruel reminder of the injustices we tried to leave behind . Another shadow crosses my path . He is carrying Links to this post Half asleep I hear the pitter patter of little feet heading my direction . Although it 's still dark I know it means night is over , and I can 't help but wonder : how can such a small thing make so much noise ? As I struggle to stay awake during breakfast , I feel like a 45 inch vinyl next to a 33 inch playing at the same speed ; they move and speak at a speed my brain cannot follow . They are recounting adventures that happened in their dreams , and dreaming about the possibilities the new day will bring . I watch with awe and envy wishing my body had half the energy and hope theirs has . Riding on the bike , the sun shines while the breeze pulls my hair back . Two cheeky monkeys sing while holding tight . Their trust in me is absolute . Nothing bad can happen when they 're with their momma , and to some degree this makes me feel invincible . Maybe , just maybe , I could achieve just about anything . Back from work I dump my tired body on the sofa and they throw themselves on to it . Their smell and their touch instantly revitalizes me . Their little feet stomp over me while their arms barely make it around my neck for a big - big hug . I 'm under attack as they struggle to take possession of my body , as they fight for the best seat in the house , the one closest to my full attention . And although I barely have any to spare , I can 't help but smile and be grateful . Bath time is war ; they react to water like a clubber to speed . After one long shower , for both those in and outside the tub , every day I must run , struggle , negotiate and deceive them long enough to put their pajamas on . Their bodies are resisting arrest . Bubbly laughter as they escape my grip and go back to jumping , naked and still half wet , on the bed . And finally night arrives . They are already excited about the next day . They want to know what we will do when we wake up . What will happen on the ever elusive tomorrow . One last , long and hard hug , as if I was going on a long boat trip to the other side of the world , and a soggy kiss goodnight . Rationally , motherhood is the Links to this post My daughter is four years old . Which essentially means she is convinced she is a princes , the world is her castle , and her brother is her own personal private prince . I 'm ok with that . Some moms hate the whole Disney angle , I 'm just happy to see them play and make up stories , and then deconstruct them until they make no sense whatsoever to a grown up . It does supply endless hours of entertainment both to them and us , and for plenty of interesting situations . For one , her brother is only two , so although he is generally willing to play the assigned part of the prince , assuming the name and all ( be it Aidan or Naveen depending on the day ) , some times he just wants to live dangerously and try life on the other lane . I am a firm believer that they should be allowed to . So if he wants to wear a skirt and nail polish to preschool that is fine with me . My daughter has developed a strong sense of personal style . The first thing she does every morning is open her closet and look for an appropriate princess outfit . There are strict rules to dressing a princess , particularly as to the length of the skirt . One of my mottos in parenting is " choose your battles " . So as painful as it may be to see what she chooses to go out into the world with , and although I have to bear other mom 's stares and comments in the park , generally I will only intervene if there is a health issue involved , ( like spring dresses in mid winter because none of the Disney princess wear long sleeves ) . On the odd occasion it has even saved my butt , like the time I forgot to dress her up for carnival . As we entered the school I saw a parade of princesses , pirates , tigers and so on . I wanted to dig a big hole and bury myself in it . What kind of a mother forgets to dress her baby up ? How will she feel when she realizes she has been left out ? Just as I was about to turn around and vacate the premises another mom approached me : Other mom - " I love your daughter 's outfit , is she a hippy ? " Me , coy while raising one eyebrow - " yes ? " And that wasLinks to this post Dear blogger , We 'd like to contract your services ; Essentially , you will work for free and relinquish not only all control over your original work , but the actual rights to your work . We on the other hand can edit and sell your work without your knowledge or approval . This right " shall remain exclusive in perpetuity " . In exchange we will include your work somewhere in our website , and it is up to you to make sure that your public navigates it in order to find it . You may or may not choose to include your children in the bargain . Signed The management hmmm . . . let me think about that one Reactions : 1 comment :
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My Granny is having a hear attack . The news were as sudden as they were inevitable . She turns 90 next week , and would kill me for publicizing that . This woman has been a point of reference and an inspiration for the better part of my life . When I was very young , because she was a marvelous story teller . She could keep us under her spell for hours , recounting the adventures of Calentito , a made up character of a rather small white dog with black spots . I don 't remember any of the specifics . I remember we loved them . I remember once , not too long ago , asking her to tell one of my nephews a story , and watching how she put him under the same spell , more than two decades later . My mother always highlights that the woman we know is not the mother she grew up with . Her mother , apparently , was stern and strict , and the main reason that my mother was the total opposite . She would throw clothes out the window if my mother or her siblings had failed to put them away properly . She didn 't mess around apparently . The woman I know is very different . She is gentle , kind , and positive to the point of delusion . I always remember one of her last visits to Europe . She had a terrible leg pain which haunts her to this day . She was struggling to go down the stairs , from the TV room back to her bedroom , one step at a time , both hands on the hand rail , I walked slowly by her side . Then she stopped and turned to look at me , Her father left them at a young age . Surprisingly she had attended college . I say surprisingly because not only did this take place a really long time ago , but it happened in Peru , where things are a bit more backward than in the West . She was number two of her class . The man who later became my grandfather was number one . She got knocked up and never graduated . This last part we only learned a few years back , and she would also kill me for publishing it , but alas , it reaffirms her will to enjoy every cup . How they got together was every bit as unimaginative as how they separated ; he left her for a younger woman ; a woman she knew , a woman that had travelled in their care , the daughter of friends they had seen as a potential partner for their youngest son . This son , in turn , developed schizophrenia and suffered an untimely death after years of struggle . I mean , I have no doubt that she cried and suffered , but the woman that I have known for the last thirty odd years was joyous and positive , and always had a kind word . She was good humoured , happy and grateful for what good cards she did have . Her home was a refuge for those in need , who would stay for months at a time . She supported a friend who fed street children in her garage , into what grew to become and amazing little NGO . I regret every letter I did not send . I regret every phone call I did no make . I regret that she has not met my children , but most of all , I regret that they will not get a chance to know her . She lives in Peru and felt too old to travel . I started having kids and it was too hard to travel . I haven 't seen her in years . But we did email , and every now and then we skyped . Yes , the woman skyped , although she had blocked her camera so that she would not have to get dressed up for every conversation . She lived alone , did her own shopping and drove her own car until recently . On one of her last airplane trips she came to visit me while I was posted in Colombia . I had a lovely apartment that looked to the green lush mountains in Bogota . While I worked she would read with the marvelous view and the sun in her face . At night we would talk . And oh boy could she talk . After living a lone for some time it was a shock to the system to be welcomed by whom I endearingly called " the singing bush " , after a character out of the movie Three amigos which refuses to stop singing even after the its scene has ended and drama has ensued . But after I surrendered the old magic reemerged , it was like in the old days ; she told me stories of her life that I wish I 'd written down . Bits of who she was and what she had lived which brought so much more color to the woman whose warmth I so cherished . And now I sit waiting , waiting for news from the opposite end of the world , a world that today feels too big . Waiting , wondering and hoping . Hoping for more time , enough time to make it there with my children , to see her laugh at their naughtiness , and them wonder at her stories . Wondering if I should keep waiting or cross the world in time to get one last story . I wrote this yesterday . Today my mother arrived in Lima and was greeted by my grandma at the ICU with " why did you come here ? I wasn 't well yesterday ( understatement of the year , she has been having a heart attack for two days now ) , but I refused to die . " God I love that woman . PPS March 2011 I made it down to peru with my entire family , my kids got to meet her and she got to meet them . My sister came down as well with her 5 kids . Reactions : 4 comments : My two year old ( boy ) has finally discovered his new best friend , and it 's NOT his sister , but something that was there all along . As a trained psychologist I haven 't always seen eye to eye with Freud , but if there is one thing I always agreed with was on the sexuality of children . Not in the ( sick ) sense some pedophiles try to use it , but rather the fact that children soon in their lives , some sooner than others , discover that their bodies can give them pleasure . I think this is normal and I think this is healthy , and that it is up to us - the adults - to make sure that they feel this way about their bodies and their sexuality too . But it 's not that simple . Initially I gave everyone instructions to act casual and let him be , while telling his sister that it was his toy , one that they could not share . ( I also had to instruct her not to pull it or throw things at it … ) Us adults , filled with all our preconceptions and prejudices , would just have to deal with the awkwardness and bear it with a smile . Then one day my little mongrel was all cuddly , lying on my lap while drinking his milk bottle , much like a kitten . I was chatting away with my father and my mother in law . The sun was setting on the horizon and the water under the boats was turning from blue to green before the inevitable farewell pink . Then he pulled it out and began his works , right in the middle of our conversation , stretched out over me , sunny side up . It made me realize that it was time to start putting some boundaries . So I tried to explain to him that it is ok , it is fun , but it is private ; which means you can only do it at home , and NOT at the table , and lastly , the most delicate part for me , that only he can play with it . The reasons the last one is the most delicate is because he still uses diapers at the night , and sometimes has accidents during the day , and generally speaking , he is two years old and me , his father , the grandparents , the nanny , and a whole bunch of adults clean him and bathe him on a regular basis . So how do I explaiLinks to this post I sit on a beautiful white beach under the shade of the eucalyptus trees . In the horizon lies the blue and emerald waters of the Sardinian coast . It is hot , too hot even for me . I 'm not used to these temperatures anymore . The beach is crowded , full of happy bodies fighting to attract the attention of the sun while staying cool . They come and go . Some on their mobile phones , some playing paddle knee - deep in the cool waters . Small groups of women walk back and forth immersed in conversation . A lonesome shadow sits no too far from me . The man rests under some sort of short and stubby palm tree . His skin is the color of deep night . A funny triangular cow skin hat hides his face from me , making him nothing but a shadow , almost a mirage . He is wearing a colorful dress which leaves no doubt of his origin . He is an African man , probably here illegally , probably selling hats , or necklaces made god - knows - where with god - knows - what claiming to be bone . He looks tired and defeated . But probably I am just imagining this because I can barely see his face at all . He seems so out of place . We are here on holidays . In the distance I can see the kids run back and forth bringing water to a hole made in the sand that quickly drenches their efforts . They don 't mind , and giggle as they run back into the sea for more . Their biggest concern this week is how to get more ice cream from the grandparents . My biggest concern is ensuring they have enough sun screen . We are surrounded by tanned Italian bodies . Most of them fashionable , skinny and beautiful . Some bear the mark of time , but all well kept and looked after . The irony of the well off ; we have to fight the excess . We fight the fact that we can eat until we make ourselves sick and fat . This shadow before me , one of many that cross our path during the day , they fight to stay alive , to feed themselves , for families they 've left behind they may or may not see again . They are a cruel reminder of the injustices we tried to leave behind . Another shadow crosses my path . He is carrying Links to this post Half asleep I hear the pitter patter of little feet heading my direction . Although it 's still dark I know it means night is over , and I can 't help but wonder : how can such a small thing make so much noise ? As I struggle to stay awake during breakfast , I feel like a 45 inch vinyl next to a 33 inch playing at the same speed ; they move and speak at a speed my brain cannot follow . They are recounting adventures that happened in their dreams , and dreaming about the possibilities the new day will bring . I watch with awe and envy wishing my body had half the energy and hope theirs has . Riding on the bike , the sun shines while the breeze pulls my hair back . Two cheeky monkeys sing while holding tight . Their trust in me is absolute . Nothing bad can happen when they 're with their momma , and to some degree this makes me feel invincible . Maybe , just maybe , I could achieve just about anything . Back from work I dump my tired body on the sofa and they throw themselves on to it . Their smell and their touch instantly revitalizes me . Their little feet stomp over me while their arms barely make it around my neck for a big - big hug . I 'm under attack as they struggle to take possession of my body , as they fight for the best seat in the house , the one closest to my full attention . And although I barely have any to spare , I can 't help but smile and be grateful . Bath time is war ; they react to water like a clubber to speed . After one long shower , for both those in and outside the tub , every day I must run , struggle , negotiate and deceive them long enough to put their pajamas on . Their bodies are resisting arrest . Bubbly laughter as they escape my grip and go back to jumping , naked and still half wet , on the bed . And finally night arrives . They are already excited about the next day . They want to know what we will do when we wake up . What will happen on the ever elusive tomorrow . One last , long and hard hug , as if I was going on a long boat trip to the other side of the world , and a soggy kiss goodnight . Rationally , motherhood is the Links to this post My daughter is four years old . Which essentially means she is convinced she is a princes , the world is her castle , and her brother is her own personal private prince . I 'm ok with that . Some moms hate the whole Disney angle , I 'm just happy to see them play and make up stories , and then deconstruct them until they make no sense whatsoever to a grown up . It does supply endless hours of entertainment both to them and us , and for plenty of interesting situations . For one , her brother is only two , so although he is generally willing to play the assigned part of the prince , assuming the name and all ( be it Aidan or Naveen depending on the day ) , some times he just wants to live dangerously and try life on the other lane . I am a firm believer that they should be allowed to . So if he wants to wear a skirt and nail polish to preschool that is fine with me . My daughter has developed a strong sense of personal style . The first thing she does every morning is open her closet and look for an appropriate princess outfit . There are strict rules to dressing a princess , particularly as to the length of the skirt . One of my mottos in parenting is " choose your battles " . So as painful as it may be to see what she chooses to go out into the world with , and although I have to bear other mom 's stares and comments in the park , generally I will only intervene if there is a health issue involved , ( like spring dresses in mid winter because none of the Disney princess wear long sleeves ) . On the odd occasion it has even saved my butt , like the time I forgot to dress her up for carnival . As we entered the school I saw a parade of princesses , pirates , tigers and so on . I wanted to dig a big hole and bury myself in it . What kind of a mother forgets to dress her baby up ? How will she feel when she realizes she has been left out ? Just as I was about to turn around and vacate the premises another mom approached me : Other mom - " I love your daughter 's outfit , is she a hippy ? " Me , coy while raising one eyebrow - " yes ? " And that wasLinks to this post Dear blogger , We 'd like to contract your services ; Essentially , you will work for free and relinquish not only all control over your original work , but the actual rights to your work . We on the other hand can edit and sell your work without your knowledge or approval . This right " shall remain exclusive in perpetuity " . In exchange we will include your work somewhere in our website , and it is up to you to make sure that your public navigates it in order to find it . You may or may not choose to include your children in the bargain . Signed The management hmmm . . . let me think about that one Reactions : 1 comment :
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My Granny is having a hear attack . The news were as sudden as they were inevitable . She turns 90 next week , and would kill me for publicizing that . This woman has been a point of reference and an inspiration for the better part of my life . When I was very young , because she was a marvelous story teller . She could keep us under her spell for hours , recounting the adventures of Calentito , a made up character of a rather small white dog with black spots . I don 't remember any of the specifics . I remember we loved them . I remember once , not too long ago , asking her to tell one of my nephews a story , and watching how she put him under the same spell , more than two decades later . My mother always highlights that the woman we know is not the mother she grew up with . Her mother , apparently , was stern and strict , and the main reason that my mother was the total opposite . She would throw clothes out the window if my mother or her siblings had failed to put them away properly . She didn 't mess around apparently . The woman I know is very different . She is gentle , kind , and positive to the point of delusion . I always remember one of her last visits to Europe . She had a terrible leg pain which haunts her to this day . She was struggling to go down the stairs , from the TV room back to her bedroom , one step at a time , both hands on the hand rail , I walked slowly by her side . Then she stopped and turned to look at me , Her father left them at a young age . Surprisingly she had attended college . I say surprisingly because not only did this take place a really long time ago , but it happened in Peru , where things are a bit more backward than in the West . She was number two of her class . The man who later became my grandfather was number one . She got knocked up and never graduated . This last part we only learned a few years back , and she would also kill me for publishing it , but alas , it reaffirms her will to enjoy every cup . How they got together was every bit as unimaginative as how they separated ; he left her for a younger woman ; a woman she knew , a woman that had travelled in their care , the daughter of friends they had seen as a potential partner for their youngest son . This son , in turn , developed schizophrenia and suffered an untimely death after years of struggle . I mean , I have no doubt that she cried and suffered , but the woman that I have known for the last thirty odd years was joyous and positive , and always had a kind word . She was good humoured , happy and grateful for what good cards she did have . Her home was a refuge for those in need , who would stay for months at a time . She supported a friend who fed street children in her garage , into what grew to become and amazing little NGO . I regret every letter I did not send . I regret every phone call I did no make . I regret that she has not met my children , but most of all , I regret that they will not get a chance to know her . She lives in Peru and felt too old to travel . I started having kids and it was too hard to travel . I haven 't seen her in years . But we did email , and every now and then we skyped . Yes , the woman skyped , although she had blocked her camera so that she would not have to get dressed up for every conversation . She lived alone , did her own shopping and drove her own car until recently . On one of her last airplane trips she came to visit me while I was posted in Colombia . I had a lovely apartment that looked to the green lush mountains in Bogota . While I worked she would read with the marvelous view and the sun in her face . At night we would talk . And oh boy could she talk . After living a lone for some time it was a shock to the system to be welcomed by whom I endearingly called " the singing bush " , after a character out of the movie Three amigos which refuses to stop singing even after the its scene has ended and drama has ensued . But after I surrendered the old magic reemerged , it was like in the old days ; she told me stories of her life that I wish I 'd written down . Bits of who she was and what she had lived which brought so much more color to the woman whose warmth I so cherished . And now I sit waiting , waiting for news from the opposite end of the world , a world that today feels too big . Waiting , wondering and hoping . Hoping for more time , enough time to make it there with my children , to see her laugh at their naughtiness , and them wonder at her stories . Wondering if I should keep waiting or cross the world in time to get one last story . I wrote this yesterday . Today my mother arrived in Lima and was greeted by my grandma at the ICU with " why did you come here ? I wasn 't well yesterday ( understatement of the year , she has been having a heart attack for two days now ) , but I refused to die . " God I love that woman . PPS March 2011 I made it down to peru with my entire family , my kids got to meet her and she got to meet them . My sister came down as well with her 5 kids . Reactions : 4 comments : My two year old ( boy ) has finally discovered his new best friend , and it 's NOT his sister , but something that was there all along . As a trained psychologist I haven 't always seen eye to eye with Freud , but if there is one thing I always agreed with was on the sexuality of children . Not in the ( sick ) sense some pedophiles try to use it , but rather the fact that children soon in their lives , some sooner than others , discover that their bodies can give them pleasure . I think this is normal and I think this is healthy , and that it is up to us - the adults - to make sure that they feel this way about their bodies and their sexuality too . But it 's not that simple . Initially I gave everyone instructions to act casual and let him be , while telling his sister that it was his toy , one that they could not share . ( I also had to instruct her not to pull it or throw things at it … ) Us adults , filled with all our preconceptions and prejudices , would just have to deal with the awkwardness and bear it with a smile . Then one day my little mongrel was all cuddly , lying on my lap while drinking his milk bottle , much like a kitten . I was chatting away with my father and my mother in law . The sun was setting on the horizon and the water under the boats was turning from blue to green before the inevitable farewell pink . Then he pulled it out and began his works , right in the middle of our conversation , stretched out over me , sunny side up . It made me realize that it was time to start putting some boundaries . So I tried to explain to him that it is ok , it is fun , but it is private ; which means you can only do it at home , and NOT at the table , and lastly , the most delicate part for me , that only he can play with it . The reasons the last one is the most delicate is because he still uses diapers at the night , and sometimes has accidents during the day , and generally speaking , he is two years old and me , his father , the grandparents , the nanny , and a whole bunch of adults clean him and bathe him on a regular basis . So how do I explaiLinks to this post I sit on a beautiful white beach under the shade of the eucalyptus trees . In the horizon lies the blue and emerald waters of the Sardinian coast . It is hot , too hot even for me . I 'm not used to these temperatures anymore . The beach is crowded , full of happy bodies fighting to attract the attention of the sun while staying cool . They come and go . Some on their mobile phones , some playing paddle knee - deep in the cool waters . Small groups of women walk back and forth immersed in conversation . A lonesome shadow sits no too far from me . The man rests under some sort of short and stubby palm tree . His skin is the color of deep night . A funny triangular cow skin hat hides his face from me , making him nothing but a shadow , almost a mirage . He is wearing a colorful dress which leaves no doubt of his origin . He is an African man , probably here illegally , probably selling hats , or necklaces made god - knows - where with god - knows - what claiming to be bone . He looks tired and defeated . But probably I am just imagining this because I can barely see his face at all . He seems so out of place . We are here on holidays . In the distance I can see the kids run back and forth bringing water to a hole made in the sand that quickly drenches their efforts . They don 't mind , and giggle as they run back into the sea for more . Their biggest concern this week is how to get more ice cream from the grandparents . My biggest concern is ensuring they have enough sun screen . We are surrounded by tanned Italian bodies . Most of them fashionable , skinny and beautiful . Some bear the mark of time , but all well kept and looked after . The irony of the well off ; we have to fight the excess . We fight the fact that we can eat until we make ourselves sick and fat . This shadow before me , one of many that cross our path during the day , they fight to stay alive , to feed themselves , for families they 've left behind they may or may not see again . They are a cruel reminder of the injustices we tried to leave behind . Another shadow crosses my path . He is carrying Links to this post Half asleep I hear the pitter patter of little feet heading my direction . Although it 's still dark I know it means night is over , and I can 't help but wonder : how can such a small thing make so much noise ? As I struggle to stay awake during breakfast , I feel like a 45 inch vinyl next to a 33 inch playing at the same speed ; they move and speak at a speed my brain cannot follow . They are recounting adventures that happened in their dreams , and dreaming about the possibilities the new day will bring . I watch with awe and envy wishing my body had half the energy and hope theirs has . Riding on the bike , the sun shines while the breeze pulls my hair back . Two cheeky monkeys sing while holding tight . Their trust in me is absolute . Nothing bad can happen when they 're with their momma , and to some degree this makes me feel invincible . Maybe , just maybe , I could achieve just about anything . Back from work I dump my tired body on the sofa and they throw themselves on to it . Their smell and their touch instantly revitalizes me . Their little feet stomp over me while their arms barely make it around my neck for a big - big hug . I 'm under attack as they struggle to take possession of my body , as they fight for the best seat in the house , the one closest to my full attention . And although I barely have any to spare , I can 't help but smile and be grateful . Bath time is war ; they react to water like a clubber to speed . After one long shower , for both those in and outside the tub , every day I must run , struggle , negotiate and deceive them long enough to put their pajamas on . Their bodies are resisting arrest . Bubbly laughter as they escape my grip and go back to jumping , naked and still half wet , on the bed . And finally night arrives . They are already excited about the next day . They want to know what we will do when we wake up . What will happen on the ever elusive tomorrow . One last , long and hard hug , as if I was going on a long boat trip to the other side of the world , and a soggy kiss goodnight . Rationally , motherhood is the Links to this post My daughter is four years old . Which essentially means she is convinced she is a princes , the world is her castle , and her brother is her own personal private prince . I 'm ok with that . Some moms hate the whole Disney angle , I 'm just happy to see them play and make up stories , and then deconstruct them until they make no sense whatsoever to a grown up . It does supply endless hours of entertainment both to them and us , and for plenty of interesting situations . For one , her brother is only two , so although he is generally willing to play the assigned part of the prince , assuming the name and all ( be it Aidan or Naveen depending on the day ) , some times he just wants to live dangerously and try life on the other lane . I am a firm believer that they should be allowed to . So if he wants to wear a skirt and nail polish to preschool that is fine with me . My daughter has developed a strong sense of personal style . The first thing she does every morning is open her closet and look for an appropriate princess outfit . There are strict rules to dressing a princess , particularly as to the length of the skirt . One of my mottos in parenting is " choose your battles " . So as painful as it may be to see what she chooses to go out into the world with , and although I have to bear other mom 's stares and comments in the park , generally I will only intervene if there is a health issue involved , ( like spring dresses in mid winter because none of the Disney princess wear long sleeves ) . On the odd occasion it has even saved my butt , like the time I forgot to dress her up for carnival . As we entered the school I saw a parade of princesses , pirates , tigers and so on . I wanted to dig a big hole and bury myself in it . What kind of a mother forgets to dress her baby up ? How will she feel when she realizes she has been left out ? Just as I was about to turn around and vacate the premises another mom approached me : Other mom - " I love your daughter 's outfit , is she a hippy ? " Me , coy while raising one eyebrow - " yes ? " And that wasLinks to this post Dear blogger , We 'd like to contract your services ; Essentially , you will work for free and relinquish not only all control over your original work , but the actual rights to your work . We on the other hand can edit and sell your work without your knowledge or approval . This right " shall remain exclusive in perpetuity " . In exchange we will include your work somewhere in our website , and it is up to you to make sure that your public navigates it in order to find it . You may or may not choose to include your children in the bargain . Signed The management hmmm . . . let me think about that one Reactions : 1 comment :
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Packing is so awful ! I walk into our living room and just marvel at how we were able to get so much stuff to " fit " ( I use the word loosely here , because we had stuff shoved in every crevice ) in our teeny , tiny apartment . It 's absurd how much stuff we had hidden away in little nooks and crannies . My roommate and I were discovering all kinds of stuff - an adorable set of juice glasses I 'd completely forgotten I had , knives we 'd never used ( which will be displaced by the set of knives my mom sent me a while ago that are currently living at work , which I realize makes me look like a serial killer , but whatevs ) , a pizza cutter … the list goes on and on . This is all about to change . Our new apartment has an actual kitchen - small , but actual . It has cabinets for our things and some more counter space and is going to be a joy to spend time in . We keep marveling over this . We 're like , " We 're going to have dinner parties ! " every five seconds . But I know my roommate and I , and we need to plan that stuff immediately upon moving in , or it won 't happen . We 're quite inert when we 're settled . But anyway . What is it about packing that makes your belongings start multiplying like the loaves and fishes ? Every time I think I 'm done packing , I see something else I need to pack . It 's ridiculous . I 'm so tired . I haven 't had a good night 's sleep in a week because my room is a shambles ( also , after several weeks of not having heat and freezing at night , it 's a frickin ' sauna in here ) . I can 't wait for all of this to be over and to be in our new place . I know I 'll shed some tears over leaving our own place - not because I love it ( I do NOT ) , but because we spent two years there . Eesha and I are , in so many ways , totally different people than we were when we moved in . We 've both gone through some heartbreak , and my life has completely changed because of AUT , and we 're very good friends now , whereas when we moved in to the apartment we barely knew each other . We 'll never be those girls again . We 'll never move to New York for the first time again . It 's the end of an era . But because my default is to always believe that my life will be the same forever as it is at the moment ( obviously a fallacy , but it 's just my mental default ) , I 'm always looking backwards , not forwards , and I forget that the end of an era is always the beginning of a new era . Last night when I called him for Thanksgiving , I gave my dad this whole speech about how this upcoming year is going to be my year . This is the year things are going to go well for me , I just know it . I 'm not usually the type of person to make grandiose pronouncements like that , but I 've been tired and stressed out for a long time now , I 've worked very hard for a long time without a break , and I 'm ready to create some positive change . I 'm looking forward to 2010 . Not just because of AUT , although of course because of AUT , but also because I 'm excited about the possibilities of the unknown . I know how lucky I am . I have managed to make a real , honest to God life for myself in New York , which , aside from all the cliches , is actually very hard . I need to sit back and enjoy it . I need to let it wash over me and be grateful . I need to relax . That 's what I 'm focused on for 2010 . I believe in 2010 . But right now , it 's 2009 , and I need to go to bed before I fall over and start snoozing on the floor like a Sim . Because the movers are coming at 9 AM . Oh boy . Posted on November 24th , 2009 by annakjarzab NCTE is an annual conference for English teachers , proper name National Conference for Teachers of English , and this year it was held in Philadelphia . I didn 't go , but thanks to some friends on the inside I got to see some pictures , including a picture of AUT at the Random House booth ! Observe . There 's my little darling ! ( I 've been feeling very fuzzy and maternal about AUT lately , I don 't know what 's wrong with me . ) Doesn 't it look like it 's about to topple off the table ? Because it 's EDGY - GEDDIT ? You get it . Actually , it looks like Cyn Balog 's Sleepless is about to knock it off the table . Rude , Cyn . Rude . By the by , have you read Cyn 's first Delacorte book , Fairy Tale ? I 'm not big on the fairies , but I have to say that I really liked Fairy Tale . I thought it was funny and didn 't take itself at all seriously , which made it a perfect read for me . I found the characters sympathetic and likeable and I was really rooting for main character , Morgan . Anyway , I feel like I don 't talk about books I read that I like enough . YA books , I mean . Let 's detour on that point for a second . I 've read a lot of YA this year , probably more than I 've ever read in one year in my life . Some recent faves have been The Secret Year by Jennifer Hubbard ( if you like All Unquiet Things , you 'll like The Secret Year ; Colt and Neily are brothers in spirit ) , One Lonely Degree by C . K . Kelly Martin ( I read that a while back and might 've mentioned loving it , but if not , I LOVED IT ) , and my friend Alex 's Brightly Woven ( but you knew that ) . So there are some book recommendations for you . I can also say with the utmost confidence that The Naughty List by Suzanne Young is just lovely , really funny and bright , with such an original voice . Sorry some of these books are not yet released , but buy them as soon as you can , hm ? That 's really all I have for you , unless you care that we can get the keys to our new apartment tomorrow ! And move in this weekend ! Which is an awful big relief for me . Now we just have to schedule movers and do the damn thing , and then done . Which is good , because AUT comes out in less than two months now , plus Christmas ( I 'll be going to Chicago for ten days - thank you , Corporation I Work For , for being so generous with the holiday time off ! ) , plus MB revisions , which should be coming any day now - I 'll just be happy to get moving off my plate . I can 't wait to settle in to my new sweet digs . Posted on November 23rd , 2009 by annakjarzab Oh yeah , guess what ? I 'm totally not going to finish CH by the end of November ! Like you ever believed I would . There are many reasons for this . The first is that I , um , decided to add a new character , who I basically ganked from a book I started writing a while ago ( it was my fake NaNo book last year ! Fake meaning I did not work on it during NaNo but fronted like I might ) that I 've pretty much decided not to bother with . I 'm … not so sure this is going to work , but I 'm trying it . But now I have to go put him in the first 200 pages , because I really can 't finish the book without at least giving him a through line to the end . I just can 't work that way , it 's weird . This decision seemed totally brilliant when I made it , but now I don 't know . We 'll see . I don 't experiment a whole lot with my books - I call ' em like I see ' em and don 't get fancy with the risks and such . So this is something new and different for me ! I don 't know about CH , you guys . I 'm very attached to it and I think parts of it are good , and I think that if I work on it it will get very , very good . BUT there 's a whole lot going on and I don 't know how hospitable the market would be to this kind of book . It 's contemporary , but it 's less high concept than AUT and MB and now the new character 's kind of putting a spin on everything … I just don 't know . We 'll have to wait and see . I like it , though . I 'm happy with it , even though it 's a hot mess right now . It 's got all the right elements , I just need to wrangle them into shape . Which is the fun of it , obvs . I 'm also progressing on the CH - related short story I started a few weeks back , working title TGITW . Or TGIF , if you grew up in the nineties . Or Thank God It 's Thursday if you 're Shannel . So anyway , yeah , it 's going pretty well . I think it 's good . As good as a not - yet - finished short story in first draft by someone who rarely writes short stories can possibly be , which is not very . But I like it , and it 's helping me work through some things , both character - related and also personal , maybe . Whatever . The point is , work is being done Chez Jarzab , even though I have packed most of my stuff in boxes and am very nervous that we don 't have keys to the apartment we plan to move into THIS WEEKEND . Which is not that big of a deal , but we don 't know when or how we are going to get these keys , which isn 't great . OMG guys I haven 't told you about the apartment . Suffice it to say that it is great , and we signed the lease so technically it is ours from Dec 1 onward , but that doesn 't mean all will go smoothly ! This is Manhattan , baby . If you 're not flying by the seat of your pants , you 're not living . I 'll give you the full tour of the new apartment ( with photos ! taken on my iPhone ! so not of great quality ! deal with it ) when I can actually , um , go in it because I have keys . We can all discover if the apartment has a dishwasher together ! ( I can 't remember . ) But it does have a WASHER / DRYER IN THE APARTMENT ( everyone who lives in New York who reads this blog just cursed me out and then swooned ) , of that I am SURE . It 's been getting a lot of horrible reviews , but it 's really hard to tell ( j / k ! it 's not really hard to tell ! it 's totally obvious ) if the movie is actually bad or if movie reviewers are by nature inclined to pan and hate the Twilight franchise and all it stands for because its target audience is young females and LORD KNOWS they can 't stand to see us making choices that reflect buying power . Keep the ladies in their places ! Only men should be able to determine if a movie makes millions and millions of dollars at the box office simply by blowing up everything in a seven mile radius ( ahem Transformers ) ! Because honestly , the over - the - top melodramatic romance of Twilight is the lady version of blowing stuff up . My only concern about the film was that there was going to be too much Jacob . LOL this movie is all about Jacob , I know that , but I 'm staunchly anti - Jacob , or at least I used to be . Okay , I 'm still anti - book - Jacob - Jacob in the book is a total whiny brat of a tool who manipulates Bella and attacks her with his mouth . I 'm also anti the way that Bella tolerates all of that shizz from him , but let 's not put Baby in a corner just yet or whatever . I have a point ! But here 's where it gets tricky : Taylor Lautner ( 's chest ) made me like Jacob a lot . I finally understood why maybe she might pick him , except of course I knew she wouldn 't ( SPOILER ! ) pick him , because if there 's anything Stephenie Meyer does right in that book , it 's make a contract with the reader ( I , the undersigned , Stephenie Meyer , do solemnly swear to make sure that Edward and Bella end up together as vampires at the end of this series ) and stick with it ! I believe in making a contract with the reader and not veering off in crazy directions when it makes no sense and presenting an unbelievable choice as a legitimate " twist " / solution . So yeah , Team Edward 4 Lyfe or whatever , but also I get the Jacob thing now , although I still hate him in the books and always will . They were right to stick with Lautner , even though I know he went through many months of unhealthy body building to get them to hire him back , and I cringed for the first half of the movie every time he came on screen because of that awful wig they had him in . He was very likeable and believable as Jacob , and I actually believed the words that were coming out of his mouth . He might be the best actor of the three of them ? Although you know I heart my RPATTZ so I don 't even know what I 'm saying , crazy talk , obviously . By the way , they played the trailer for RPATTZ 's new movie ( March 2010 baby ! ) , Remember Me , before New Moon ( of course they did ) and it looks super great . My favorite part of the trailer ( aside from RPATTZ ) is that his character reminds me somewhat of Neily , who I love . Which is funny , because I always thought RPATTZ would be a more appropriate portrayal of another character in the book , but whatever . Since Remember Me is as close to an All Unquiet Things movie as I think we 'll ever get , I 'll take it ! Secret shame : I now have two RPATTZ posters in my office . It 's okay , I work in children 's publishing - it 's allowed if you have it up ironically . Whenever people comment on it ( because they do ) I always tell them that he 's watching over me while I work because he loves me and he just wants me to be safe . TWILOLZ ! ! Gets a laff every time ( I don 't think it 's ever gotten a laugh , actually ) . So anyway , I thought the stuff between Bella and Jacob in New Moon was sexy and funny . The movie was a lot of fun , actually . A lot of people are using the word " joyless " to describe the relationships the series presents , and while that 's in a lot of ways true , I thought there was plenty of fun here . Lots of smiles between Bella and Jacob , he jokes around with her , even Bella says a minorly funny thing at the end of the movie when Edward 's trying to convince his family not to let Bella become a vampire and she gives him a breathy " Shut … UP " which is way more amusing in the delivery than it is on the page . I did miss Edward . I do heart him - his hang ups about being soulless and damned are very sad to me , and one of the most interesting things about him . I can 't imagine how depressed he is or must have been for those 90 or so years he 's lived as a vampire . To believe , to truly and steadfastly believe , that there is nothing beautiful or special or good about you , must be such a hard burden to bear , a crushing weight . And if Bella lifts that weight for Edward , then good for him . And also , I get why he left her . People laugh at the whole , " I 'm dangerous and I can 't protect you " thing , but he 's right - he IS dangerous and he CAN ' T protect her , OBVIOUSLY . Jacob , too . They 're both dangerous creatures who could kill her as soon as look at her , and they 're often getting tangled up in a bunch of nasty supernatural business that she has no defense against . They should both leave her the hell alone , if they really want her to be safe . But they can 't because love or whatever , so fine . But at least he had to try , and that 's commendable . Also , one final thing , because I 've been thinking about this a lot . People say that Edward is a perv because he 's an old man lusting after a teenaged girl , even though he looks like a teenaged boy . And while that is not an incorrect theory , per se , I don 't find it all that problematic . While I would agree if it was , say , Carlisle who was dating Bella , because he 's an actual mature man , and was when he was turned into a vampire , I think Edward is probably pretty stunted as a result of all his spiritual and emotional hangups and his general antisocial behavior . He leads this lonely , passionless life , experiences nothing , feels nothing , like a depressed Peter Pan . Strangely , I 've never heard the " ew pervert " argument about Jesse , the immortal boy from Tuck Everlasting who falls in love with Winnie , even though he 's a hundred years old by that point and she 's like fifteen or something . Because Jesse 's a boy , not a man . He 's just been a boy a lot longer than most boys are . In that book , Mr . Tuck explains to Winnie how , when time ceases to matter , it ceases to exist . Immortal beings ( such as they are ) are outside of time and not subject to its rules or the things it brings a normal human - maturity , wisdom , knowledge , age . So Jesse and Edward are not , inside , the equivalents of 100 year old men . They are boys who have stepped outside of time . I think that 's different . And also amazingly interesting . And now for the coda : how great were those Volturi , AMIRITE ? Creepy and pitch - perfectly insane , just like in the book . Except Jane , who was just creepy and awesome . Dakota Fanning FTW ! She stole the movie . Posted on November 5th , 2009 by annakjarzab Why do I feel as though every blog post has to have some punny or referency title , insofar as that 's possible ? " Light me up ! " ? ? Why , Jarzab , why ? That 's a photo of the cover of All Unquiet Things made into a light box for the Random House booth at the Frankfurt Book Fair last month . Cool , right ? ( They were setting up when this photo was taken , which is why there are no books on the shelves . ) It was so cool of RH to do this , and thanks must go out to sub rights for taking the picture - and my editor for sending it to me . How 's the book going , you ask ? Fine . I 'm over 200 pages now , which is what we call progress . I 'm also doing something which feels stupid to me now because it 's distracting me from the actual writing of this novel , but will feel smart to me six months from now when I 'm revising - I 'm writing a short story from the perspective of another character that takes elements of the novel - in - progress and explores them in greater depth than would be natural for the novel - in - progress ( this is CH , by the way ) given the narrative structure and point of view from which it 's told . The whole point of writing TGITW is to allow me to have a conversation with a character in CH that I 'm still , for some reason , not entirely capable of understanding at this point in the process of writing the novel . I 'm hoping that this will change when I 'm done with TGITW . I know that TGITW is basically a more sophisticated ( in intent , perhaps not in execution ) version of the character manifestos which made AUT 's characters so real ( in my opinion ) . So I know from experience that this type of writing is going to help me get into the mind of my character , and I will be grateful to myself later when I am on more solid footing with her . Extra content for the website ! Except , not for , like , ever . This book isn 't even contracted yet , and TGITW would be total spoiler territory , so it 'll be a while . But still ! The me of three years from now will thank the me of today . In a semi - related note , I think it 's about time I started rolling out some more hidden content . It 's been a while since the last time we added a doll to the site . I 've got a couple of things up my sleeve , so be sure to check back over the next few months . I 've also got this ridiculous plan where I will post the character manifesto for the killer in AUT , but it will be password protected , so I 've got to talk to Eric about how we 're going to do that . It probably won 't go up until the book 's been out for a while , though . Still , I think it 's a pretty cool idea . Posted on November 3rd , 2009 by annakjarzab So I 'm watching Ugly Betty again ( and thus commences another television - themed blog post ) . I know , I know , that show went downhill once they made Henry get Charlie pregnant and move back to Tuscon and then move back to New York and then mess with Betty 's feelings for a season and a half and THEN , rudeness of all rudeness , try to pass off that Gio person as a reasonable rival for Betty 's affections . As if . Anyway , I stopped watching . Except I caught maybe one episode last season , when Betty had just started to date Matt , the rich guy . And I don 't remember caring much about the episode but I do remember thinking " I miss Henry but that dude is CUTE " . I don 't know what made me watch the season premier on Hulu a few weekends ago , but I did , and I am TO - TA - LLY HOOKED , you guys ! Mark and Amanda ! How did I forget how much I loved them ? ! But Matt , oh , my dear , sweet Matt . Apparently , he and Betty broke up at the end of last season because Betty kissed Henry ( who was in town visiting from Tuscon with his new girlfriend , also known as Hazel from Gossip Girl with blonde hair and a spray tan ) and Matt saw and Matt 's heart went kersplat ! all over the sidewalk but because he 's totally not over it , not even a little bit , he got a job as Betty 's new boss at Mode and is now being a complete jerk all over the place and barely doing his job because he 's too busy trying to get Betty to feel at least some of the pain he 's feeling . Mission accomplished ! I feel him , I really do . He 's so in love with Betty and all he wants is to be back together with her , but he 's so angry at her and she 's playing it so cool that he can 't get there . He 's just hurting himself , you know , because the meaner he is to her , the longer he keeps taking it out on her professionally , the less chance there is for them to get back together . But I also get Betty 's position - he 's being such a dick to her ! She regrets kissing Henry and even though the show isn 't so great about telling us what Betty feels for Matt ( way to make her less sympathetic , show ) , I SUSPECT she 's still in love with him . In the middle of watching one of the latest episodes on Hulu , I went into the kitchen to get some iced tea and asked my roommate , " Have you ever watched Ugly Betty ? " And she 's like , " I 'm watching it right now ! " Which is why we live together , by the way . So I launched into my opinionz about Matt , and said , " Betty needs to stick up for herself and he needs to shape up or I 'm going to get off the Matt train . " ( Which is what we say about boys each other likes when they 're in our good graces : " I 'm totally on the so - and - so - train . " Not even clever ! But still true . ) Anyway , is it wrong that I love everyone on that show except Betty ? She 's all , wah wah , my boss / ex is being mean to me , and no one likes me at work , which , NO ONE EVER LIKED YOU AT MODE , BETTY . Also , you 're not very good at your job . I mean , come on . After many , many seasons and many , many opportunities to " discover " that Mode and fashion " aren 't superficial " , she 's still hungering after the meatier stories . WELL OKAY THEN . Quit . Ugh . I have no sympathy for Betty . She is a grand idiot . First of all , when Matt asked her at the end of last season if she still loved Henry , she was all , " Well , there 's a part of me that always will . " NO ! That is not the answer ! The answer is , " No , Matt , I love you . " I 'm single and I know this ! It 's not rocket surgery . I resent having to live vicariously through her in order to enjoy the rest of the show , but I 'll do it , for Matt . And Marc and Amanda and Hilda and Justin and sometimes Daniel . Posted on November 1st , 2009 by annakjarzab You remember how I was telling you all that I 'm writing a book about two estrange sisters , that I 'm calling CH , not because that has anything to do with the title , which is constantly changing although I think I might 've settled on something , but because those are the initials of the sisters ? Well , that 's going pretty well , actually . I 'm 190 pages into the zero draft - you know , the version of the book that 's so crappy you can 't show it to anyone because you 'll die of embarrassment if anyone finds out just how bad a writer you actually are ? Anyway , it 's going really well . I know ! You thought I was going to complain . Writing this book has been an interesting experience for me - continues to be , really , since I 'm not done with it , or even close . It 's been interesting because it 's been difficult to immerse myself to the level that I 've found myself immersed in other books in the past - even GR , which I 've been writing on and off this year as well , is much more alive in my head than CH has been . The characters in CH - C and H , mostly - have been hard to get to know . I 'm writing this book without an outline . That 's a little different for me . I 'm writing GR with an outline , because it needs one , but I can only get so far on the outline without doing some serious research / puzzle creating , and I don 't have time right now , which is why all my writing energy is devoted to CH . But writing CH without an outline was purposeful , because I knew that I wasn 't going to really acquaint myself with my characters any other way . I had to let them lead the way because I didn 't know them well enough to guide them . I 'm still trying to get to know especially H , because she 's difficult to penetrate , but I think more will come in the first draft . Which leads to the point of this post - I 'm over halfway done with CH ! Which is cause for celebration . I always assume my books are going to be around 300 pages , because that 's been the truth so far with AUT and MB . They 're usually a little bit shorter than 300 and then expand in the revisions process , because I tend to focus on advancing action and character through dialogue , and then Joanna and my editor are like , " How about some introspection here ? And here ? And here ? " So stuff gets added , which is funny because I feel like most writers have to cut in revisions , and I always have to beef things up a bit . Of course , this is where all the hard work comes in . I 've been setting my characters up for a major emotional rollercoaster , and now I 'm about to plunge them straight down into it . There 's a lot going on in this section , so it 's important to keep it taught and well - paced . I very much adhere to the Kurt Vonnegut quote : " Every sentence must do one of two things - reveal character or advance the action . " Although , while true about sentences , it 's absolutely true about scenes . I try to never have a scene in my books that doesn 't do one of those two things , because I just think readers have more important things to do than listen to a character wax poetical for five pages .
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I know it 's so cliched and everyone always says it at the end of every year , but I can 't believe it 's the end of 2007 already ! The year just seemed to fly by , helped along I 'm sure by how busy and full this year was . Let 's see , this year we : moved over a few statesgot a new jobbought a new househad our oldest child turn 3 years oldhad a babyDid I miss anything ? Whew ! It was a very crazy year full of all kinds of major changes for us ! Not to mention how much the kids have changed over the course of the year . Amazing , isn 't it , how each little day goes by and you don 't really notice a big change in them from one day to the next but when you look back over the year , how those incremental steps forward add up to one big leap ! Bree seems so much more grown up at the end of 2007 than she did at the beginning , being potty trained and starting to get past the toddler tantrum phase and more into the preschool age . And little Noah . . . eating baby food , rolling over , and starting to babble , they go through so many milestones in the first few months ! Here he is on the verge of 6 months old as we head into 2008 and it 's gone by so fast ! Which leads me to my New Year 's resolutions . I know , I know , they never really work and we all end up breaking them after just a little while . In fact , I usually try not to make any . And mine aren 't resolutions so much as general goals anyways , but the main one is to spend some good quality time really enjoying my children . Now , I 'm not saying I haven 't already been doing this , but I want to try and do it more often in the upcoming year . It 's too easy to get swept up in the piles of laundry or never - ending dirty dishes , I can ALWAYS think of some chore or other that needs to be getting done around the house . You know how it is , first thing anyone tells you when they see you with young children is , " Better enjoy them while you can ! It goes by fast ! " And , while I often feel grouchy that people feel the urge to act like my kids ' childhoods are practically over before they began , ( I KNOW they grow up buPosted by Christmas can be kind of confusing for a kid . Between the commercialism and Santa stuff and then talking about baby Jesus in Sunday school , the whole thing can get a bit hard to explain as a parent . But Brianna has handled it pretty well . She seemed to have no problem talking about Santa coming and mentioning the baby Jesus in the next sentence . In fact , the Sunday before Christmas , the 23rd , we had this discussion : " How was Sunday School today ? Did you sing any songs ? " " No . We just played and had a snack . " " Oh . Really ? " " Actually we did a song . We sang Happy Burtsday to Jesus . " " Oh uh - huh . Because Christmas is Jesus ' happy birthday right ? " " Yep . ( Pointing to our tree and the presents underneath ) Those are Jesus ' birthday presents and He doesn 't want us to take them , we 're supposed to share them . " " I see . . . . " ( I guess at Sunday School they must have had a talk about being nice about sharing our toys at Christmas or something . ) So you see then the whole issue is very quite simple , Christmas is that day when Santa brings you presents to celebrate Jesus ' birthday . : ) And our Christmas started out with Bree waking us up this morning , yelling from the living room , " MOM AND DAD ! MOM AND DAD ! " Normally when she first wakes up in the morning she heads straight into our room and snuggles for a few minutes . But today I guess she headed out directly to the living room to see what had happened overnight . So , we threw on our robes and headed in there smirking . " Wow ! Santa must have come ! " she told us . And so it began . We started with the stockings as I think most people do . Bree 's was full of little things like hair clips , socks , bubble bath , a little stuffed reindeer , some mini My Little Pony 's , etc . Nothing real big . But , with every item that came out of the stocking she was exclaiming , " Wow ! I never had this before ! Just what I wanted for Christmas ! " Right around when we finished our stockings Grammy Deb called . Brianna talked to her for a few minutes very excitedly and handed the phone over to me . " And guess what ? " I told Grammy , " Posted by I don 't know about you but I 've sure been crazy busy lately between the shopping , the wrapping , the mailing of things , the lines at the post office , the lines at the cash register , etc . It 's been , to put it mildly , pretty hectic . I suppose part of my stress level this year is due to the fact that I have a young baby which makes everything a little more complicated and makes it all take just a little longer . Five minute errands take at least 15 when you 're loading two kids in and out of the car . I 'm resolved to start earlier next year to avoid the mad scramble , otherwise I kind of start to feel Scroogie instead of joyous . ( Of course , I say I 'm going to do it earlier every year but do I ? ) I think the kids are feeling a bit stressed out too , or at least , sensing my stress . Bree has been so prone to fits and tears this week I could hardly think of anything to blog other than , " tantrum central ! " So for a few days in there I actually had bloggers block , nothing to say . ( Which , was somewhat of a shock to me since I usually seem to find plenty to say . This is the first time the well has run dry and I was starting to think that I 'd have to do a blog about my inability to blog if nothing else . ) This time of year is doubly crazy for our family since my I have a December birthday , ( how inconsiderate of me ) ! This year my big gift was a KitchenAid mixer ! Hooray ! I 'm pretty excited about it , should make my baking life a lot easier and convenient , and it seems I 've been baking a lot more lately . Although , I do suspect that Travis had an evil ulterior motive for choosing that particular gift - more goodies for him ! ( Actually , I asked for one so . . . ) It was pretty sweet though , Bree was all excited it was my birthday and was saying " Happy Burtsday Mom ! " all day . The she and Travis sang me the Happy Birthday song that evening when we had cake . She " helped " me blow out my candles ( which were practically setting off the fire alarm , getting to be a lot of them ! ) and then she made sure to tell me , " Make a wish Mom ! " So cute ! Although , NoPosted by It 's a fairly common thing for most families , taking the yearly Christmas picture to send out to family and friends for the holiday season . And every year there they are in the mail , glossy prints of smiling faces and for the most part we all look at them and say , " Oh look , isn 't that nice ! How cute they look . " But we don 't really think about what may have happened leading up to that picture . So this year I thought it might be fun to give you a behind the scenes peek at what happened in our family leading up to that one moment in the pictures we chose to share . And let me tell you , getting a good picture is a hard thing ! For starters we usually take our own pix here at home , having a resident photography buff on hand . Well , as you can imagine , this creates somewhat of a little problem in and of itself . In order to get all four of us in a picture , Travis has to set his camera to auto - shoot and then get over to the rest of us , position himself so he 'll actually be in the frame and then try to smile and look relaxed , like he didn 't just spend a hasty 20 seconds scrambling to beat the auto snap feature . I can 't tell you how many pictures we have with Travis half in the frame , just his arm showing , or his head cut off , having not quite made it into the shot in time . So there 's always that . But on top of that there 's getting the people in the picture to look relatively normal and perhaps even to smile . Now , this is a challenge for any photographer but poor Trav doesn 't really have the best subjects to work with . First off there 's the kids . Noah is really too little to get to smile so the best we can do is get him to maybe look in the direction of the camera . This usually involves someone standing behind the camera making faces , snapping their fingers , jumping up and down , doing a monkey impression , or just doing whatever it takes and generally acting silly . Of course , this is a problem when we want the whole family in the picture since there 's no one left for such antics . So in most the pictures Noah ends up looking offPosted by Before I had kids , if you had told me that both my children would end up with blue eyes I would have laughed . Being married to a person with brown eyes , and with his whole family having brown eyes as well I just assumed that I 'd have kids with dark eyes . It 's basic genetics , brown is supposed to be the dominate color . So , when Bree ended up with blue eyes , I was sure that the next one would have brown . But alas , both blue and according to the doc if Noah 's eyes were going to be a different color they would have started to change by now . So , both kiddos are blue eyed , go figure . But they do have different colors of blue . It 's hard to describe but Bree 's are more bright and Noah 's are darker . Anyways , so here 's a few pix of Mr . Blue Eyes himself looking particularly handsome since he 's wearing a blue jumper to bring out the eyes . . . . : ) As I 've said , this year Bree is old enough to have some express wishes about what she wants for Christmas , except she seems to get the idea that her parents have a money tree growing in the backyard . In fact when she was on the phone to her Grandma the other day she invited her to the " Christmas dance " we 're apparently having ( first I 've heard ) and also out of the blue announced that " Santa 's bringing us a new radio , a new TV , and a new computer ! " When I managed to get back on the line my mom said , " Gee , I didn 't know you guys were having such an extravagant Christmas ! " And I said , " Yeah , neither did I ! " So it 's pretty obvious to me that Brianna may have some unrealistic expectations of how bountiful the day will be . The other day she was looking through an ad and was pointing out all the things she wanted ( pretty much anything she 'd seen a commercial for on TV ) and they were all pretty pricey items . She kept talking about how she 's going to " win them " for Christmas so obviously the whole idea is still a bit fuzzy . So , I tried to explain to her that she wouldn 't " win " them but that Mom and Dad would be buying her gifts for Christmas . But even after that she has the impression that she 'll be getting everything she 's pointed out . Take , for example , the fact that she wants a Dora 's Talking Kitchen . Here 's the thing - she already has a kitchen for one , the Dora kitchen is pretty expensive , and I 'm not sure how charming another toy that makes lots of noise would be . So the Dora Talking Kitchen is a no on my part . But when I pointed out to Bree that she already has a kitchen she said to me , " But Mom ! I hate having just one kitchen ! " So Bree won 't actually be getting much of anything off her official list . However , I 've been fairly sure that on Christmas morning she 'll be so excited opening presents and getting toys she didn 't know she wanted that she 'll forget about the unrealistic things she pointed out . . . . but now I 'm not so sure . . . . The real kicker came the other day . As you may know Bree 's driving ambition is to get a REPosted by Brianna put on a " talent show " as she called it the other day . This basically meant that she put on some of her dress up stuff and danced like a maniac to some music . . . . . Strike a pose ! See that flashlight ? At one point she handed it off to me and it was my job to shine it on her like a spotlight . And if I got distracted and the light wasn 't right on her , she made sure to get me back on track . Thank you ! Thank you very much ! I think she 's ready to star in her very own music video don 't you ? : ) espanol - Bree is now into making up her own words . She 'll walk in and go " Hey Mom , look at this grblickmmer . " The funny thing is she 'll then stare at me like I should know what that is . For awhile I was completely confused as to why she was doing this since on my part I thought the days of me staring at her in confusion and trying to decipher the random syllables coming out of her mouth were over . Finally though the other day when I questioned her about it she told me , " Mom , I 'm speaking Spanish ! " Ah , just like Deigo or Dora does but I guess it sounds like random syllables to Bree because that 's what comes out when she talks in her " second language " ! scrumptious - Brianna 's new favorite word to describe food . " How 's your dinner Bree ? " " It 's scrumptious ! " or " Mom , this toast is sure scrumptious ! " grazing - Something most toddlers do . You know , wander around the house with a snack in hand . Bree however has elevated this to a new art at our house . We have to watch out not to leave portable , self contained snacks sitting around like apples or muffins . Why ? Because Brianna will wander by , grab one up and start munching on it . But what 's wrong with that ? you ask . Well I 'll tell you ! Because the kid never finishes a single one of them ! Apparently after about 5 - 10 bites they turn icky and she 'll decide she needs a new one , leaving the old one wherever she was standing at the time . It 's not unusual at the end of the day for me to find 5 or 6 different little snacks like this scattered around the house all with little nibbles out of them . Apple Cinnamon - is what Brianna has renamed herself , perhaps influenced by the characters of Strawberry Shortcake stories we 've been reading recently . Sometimes she even refuses to respond unless you call her this . self - narration - Seems Bree is now into narrating her own life . Every so often she can be heard describing her actions as she goes . . . . " Then she walked over and picked up Gingy . . . " Seriously , not kidding . I really think sometimes she sees her life as a movie . sticking out her tonguPosted by I know I shared the shot of Noah in his swing with the green bow in his hair before . But when I looked at that picture I was thinking , " Man ! He is one chubby kid ! " ( Mainly due to his double , or is it triple , chin . ) But then , by chance as our screen saver was shuffling through our pix the other day this shot of Brianna flashed onto the screen : So actually , Bree was pretty chubby herself . Made me laugh to see these pix together and you can tell they 're siblings . I 've decided that their main big difference is the noses . But look how similar the shapes of their faces are , the cheeks , the ears , the shapes of their mouths . . . . . And then here 's these because it 's just fun for me to get to look back on and relive Brianna 's first year while I 'm in the middle of going through the same early milestones with Noah . Our big snow fall awhile back is sticking around , it 's never melted off and in fact we 've had a few more flurries that added to our layers of white stuff outside . This is fine with Bree who continues to enjoy playing in it , and it was fine with GooGoo and Stinky Pete when they came over to play in it with her . . . . Here 's Grammy helping Brianna make her first ever snow angel . Bree was so taken with this idea I think she made 5 or 6 of them in a row . I guess it IS officially winter here if the mountains are any indicator , snow caps aplenty ! This is the view from our back yard . While we were playing I found an abominable snow baby . Turned out he could be tamed with kisses though . : ) Bedtime AngelIt 's true , the toddler / preschool age kid can be a handful and wear you down . But then , they also have their moments of pure sweetness as well . For us this moment has been bedtime . Maybe due to the time change , and therefore dark now falling much sooner , Bree has been a pure angel at bedtime . In fact , lately she 'll even go into the bathroom and call out , " Mom ! Dad ! I 'm ready to brush my teeth and feed Reddy ( the fish ) and put on my PJ 's and go to bed ! " How weird is that ? My 3 yr old is virtually putting herself to bed ! I 'm sure this won 't be a phase that lasts so I better enjoy it now huh ? SometimesBree : " Mom I know you like me every day ! " Me : " That 's right I do . " Bree : " Mom I like you every day sometimes . " Me : " You do ? " Bree : " Yeah sometimes . " I guess the truth hurts huh ? : ) At least it 's good that she knows I like her everyday no matter what and I suppose also good that she can be truthful and admit that there are some days when I 'm not her favorite person . Oh well , such is the role of a true Mom , I 'm resigned to the fact that a good Mom is not always their kids ' best friend . Besides , tomorrow I 'll be back to being her supermom so it 's okay . The KidWe sometimes call our kids by little nicknames or pet names . With Brianna , it was " the Bean . " ( You know because at the first ultrasound we thought she looked like a tiny little bean in there . ) And so you can overhear us on occasion say things like , " What 's the Bean up to ? " and so forth . Noah has several nicknames at the moment . I often call him Bubba , because he 's a hefty boy . But Trav 's nickname of choice is " Noah the kid " or just " the kid . " Naturally , like she does , Bree has picked this right up and now she says things to me like , " Hey Mom , the kid 's awake . " or " The kid 's crying again . " Oops ! Three year olds are rather accident prone and clumsy for the most part because they don 't really observe their environment before they start jumping around and acting crazy in it . The other day this was the case when Bree starting monkeying around in the living room and endePosted by Travis is kind of , well quirky . It 's just a fact of life and is one of the reasons I love him , just makes him kind of fun ( or drives me completely nuts depending on the day , my hormone level and my mood ! ) : ) I mean we 're all quirky in our own ways but Travis has specific quirks about him that are fairly unmistakably " Trav " habits ( like the sock lobbing thing ) . One those very Trav things is making up silly songs on the spot and singing them all the time , or making up new words to an old song ( lots of times because he can 't remember the real words . ) And , it seems each kid gets their own tune . For Brianna it 's set to the tune of BINGO . " There was a kid named Brianna and Brianna was her name - o . B - R - IANNA B - R - IANNA , B - R - IANNA and Brianna was her name - o ! " I 've been waiting to see what Noah 's song would be but now it seems to have definitely settled in for good . His tune is set to " Charma Chameleon . " It goes , " Noah , Noah , Noah , Noah , Noah the kid is small and made of cheese , and made of che - e - e - eese ! " Not quite sure where the cheese thing came from , but I keep telling Travis he 's gonna confuse the poor kid . At least now we 'll know where it came from when we get a note from the kindergarten teacher about how little Noah thinks he 's made of cheese ! Wanted to share a picture of Noah and Travis having a real male bonding moment the other day : I don 't know what it is about Travis , it happened with both kids , you hand him the baby and in just a few minutes , zzzzzzz , both are completely zonked out . I 'm not sure if he has the Sandman touch with all kids or just our own but I certainly can 't do this . ( I think because the minute they see me they get other big ideas , if you know what I mean . ) So , the boys here are bonding over a particularly male favorite , nappin on the couch . Although , I 'm not sure if at this point I should be concerned that most of their " bonding " seems to happen while they 're both unconscious . : ) Actually , they have other things in common involving sleep . . . Like the way they both sleep with their hands behind their head and elbows stickin ' out . It 's just funny to me that Noah already sleeps like this , just like his Daddy . Another day , another nap with the elbows sticking straight out . ( And see ? Until now you were sure that Noah only napped in his swing weren 't you ? ) Our Thanksgiving holiday started out quietly and innocently enough , I never would have guessed that the evening would end up with my own screaming . . . . We decided just to have a quiet Thanksgiving at home this year ( vs . taking both our small kids on the fairly long drive to Idaho ) but still wanted to have the traditional meal with all the fixin 's so we spent most the day cooking and eating , nothing unusual there . Our turkey took just a little longer to cook through than we had thought and we ended up eating at around 2 pm , which as it turns out , is right around Bree 's normal nap time everyday . But , seeing as it was a special day , we were just sitting down to eat , and the fact that Brianna seemed to show no signs of being tired or cranky , we decided to let the nap go for one day - a decision that would soon be coming back to haunt us . Of course , at the time we had no way of knowing this and the day passed in a flurry of turkey , cranberry sauce and hangin ' out on the couch . Then it was time for dessert . We were invited over to some friends to bond over pie . And so , that evening off we headed with our two kiddos in tow , over to our new friends ' house where they waited with their own two kids . ( This was actually a bit confusing for Bree since its been getting darker earlier here . So as we were leaving she was going , " But it 's dark out ! " ) Anyways the four of us , our two pies and Jello dessert made it safely to their house . And things started out nicely enough , we all ate some dessert and the kids played and watched some TV . This was all well and good until someone suggested that it might be fun for the adults to play a board game . Sensing their parents might actually get to have more then a few minutes of adult interaction , all the children decided to attack us simultaneously with various strategized whining , crying , and general neediness . Suddenly , children who would , if allowed , sit and watch hours and hours of TV a day claim to have NO desire to watch it , in fact they HATE it and are just BORED . Some want to GO HOME anPosted by At our last well baby check , the pediatrician said we could go ahead and start rice cereal whenever we wanted . So we went ahead and gave it a try the other night . . . . Figuring out the whole spoon / mouth / swallow thing is pretty hard on your first attempt . Noah kept trying to lick the cereal off the spoon . : ) Here he is taking a little break and staring his cereal down . I love the hair in this one ! Aahh . . look at the messy face , don 't you just want to kiss it ? It didn 't take too long before big sis wandered over to check out what was going on . And , judging from this picture it 's obvious that Noah doesn 't like her at all huh ? : POf course , pretty soon she wanted in on the act too . Mommy 's big helper . ( Oh and she 's not naked back there , but as usual , was running around with just the bare minimum on . ) Bree really gets a kick out of being the little Mommy . It was really funny , she was even going " Noah , here comes the airplane ! " ( Which I hadn 't been saying so . . . ) Judging by this expression , I think Noah found the whole " baby food " experience to be a pretty good one overall , even if most the cereal ended up on his face instead of in his mouth . I guess the snow gods must have heard Bree 's frustration with only getting small spitz of snow falling last week and decided to smile upon her . Yesterday we got dumped on ! It snowed for over 24 hours straight and we now have at least a whole foot of fresh now outside . That means , Brianna got her wish of playing in it and we even sledded a little but it was so powdery and deep it didn 't make for good sledding . She was pretty happy about the whole thing , although she was still a bit confused about if Santa would be coming now that there 's lots of snow . Here 's Bree trying to wade through it , pretty hard for a little gal when it 's up over your knees ! Actually she spent a lot of time like this , rolling around on her belly in the snow , not necessarily by choice either but just because it was so hard for her to walk in she kept tripping and landing like this . But she took it with a good spirit and just laughed about it . She had a lot of fun though being waist deep in snow . And we even convinced her to slow down enough to pose for a few shots with her parents ( sort of ) . It was right after this that she realized she was cold and said , " I 'm shivering ! Let 's go inside and have a warm bath ! " So I guess around here it 's looking like a white Thanksgiving ! ( Oh and if you 're wondering where the baby was when all this was going on he was sound and safe , asleep all warm and cozy in his crib so I thought I 'd let him finish his nap instead of waking him up to drag him into the cold . He had to live this experience vicariously through his baby monitor . . . . maybe he dreamed of snow ? ) It seems the kids and I are having some differences of opinion lately , a few clashes over some things . Or , to put it another way , if , as they say , all the world is a stage and we are the actors in the play then at our house we are having some differing artistic visions . For example , Bree seems to see herself as a naked character whereas I would like her to be clothed . I just don 't know what it is with the kid lately but as soon as we get home she strips down to her scivvies and runs around the house that way . You 'd think with the weather getting colder she wouldn 't be wanting to go with less clothing but alas , nothing but underwear is all the rage for her now . I guess it 's really not that big of a deal except for when someone happens to come to the door and Brianna runs up wearing nuthin , or that Bree has a tendency to think the back door is a really great toy and tries to spend a lot of time opening and closing it , opening it and standing there right in the doorway in her undies . Brrr . . . I say , not to mention I just don 't think that we should bond with the neighbors that way . So , this little game usually ends up with me locking the door and her in tears . Mean me , won 't let her flash the neighborhood , such a prude I am . Noah and I also find ourselves somewhat at odds with how we picture life . See he envisions himself constantly attached to me , permanently nursing away getting his milk high . ( You know , the milk buzz as I sometimes call it . Pretty much every baby I 've seen , after nursing , comes away with glassy eyes , lids half closed and all limp . . . I don 't know what 's in that stuff but sometimes I feel like I 'm a drug dealer - you know distributing a substance that someone is highly addicted too , starts feeling cranky if they don 't get it on a regular basis , etc . The milk buzz . ) Well obviously I have a different opinion on that one as well , ( I mean feeding him is one thing , becoming a human pacifier is another ) , especially since Noah 's new fun habit is pulling my hair . I swear he does it on purpose and thinks it 's fun Posted by It was a big day here today . First off it snowed all day today ! Although we didn 't get any to stick on the ground , it was all melting right away but we got all kinds of flurries , from big wet flakes to little dry ones all throughout the day . It was pretty and fun to watch although I think it just frustrated Bree more than anything . I mean , don 't get me wrong , she was excited about it , too excited ! For one thing she immediately wanted to break out the sled and when we explained there wasn 't enough snow to actually go sledding in she was pretty put out . Then she decided that since it had snowed that must mean Santa is coming tomorrow ! ( Perhaps partially due to the fact that in the summer when she was asking about Christmas we were trying to explain that it doesn 't happen until it 's snowy , but we didn 't mean right after the first snow of course ! ) And , once again , she was bummed out when we had to say that wasn 't gonna happen either . She took it pretty well but she kept saying , " But , it snowed ! " We had to drive out into the snow today as well since it was Noah 's 4 month old well baby check up . He 's a very healthy boy ! He 's now 27 and 1 / 2 inches tall ( which puts him over the 95 % for height ) and weighs 16 lbs ( putting him at the 75 % for weight ) . So he has officially outgrown his infant carseat already ( too tall ! ) . This is the same one that Brianna used until she was almost a year old ! But , poor baby he had to get shots and had a cranky afternoon and who can blame him ? Actually I got my flu shot as well . When the nurse got the needle out Brianna said , " Mom are you gonna scream ? " So I told her , " No , I 'm gonna be brave ! " But she still covered her ears just in case I did scream . Then it was her turn for her flu vaccination . She said , " Mom , I don 't need one of those ! " ( a shot ) . Well , lucky for her she got to do the nasal mist this time . So between me and the nurse sweet talking her we convinced her it wasn 't going to be a big deal but right before we did it she asked , " Mom , am I going to scream ? " Whereupon I had to explain tPosted by Just a couple of discussions I 've had recently with Bree : ( As we were pulling up to a drive through coffee place . . . ) Bree : " Mom , are you and Daddy getting a coffee ? " Me : " Yep we are . " Bree : " Mom , does this place have kids ' drinks ? " Me : " No sorry baby , just coffees . " Bree : " Kids don 't like coffee do they Mom ? " Me : " No , they don 't . " Bree : " Mom , maybe when I 'm big and old like you I 'll drink coffee too . " Me : " Yeah you probably will when you 're big and old like me . " ( At bedtime the other night . . . ) Me : " Goodnight Brianna . " Bree : " Mom , do you know how I love you ? " Me : ( thinking this meant how much I love you ) " Do you know how much I love you ? " Bree : " No Mom , do you know HOW I love you ? " Me : ( confused ) " How ? " Bree : " Because Mom , we 're best friends ! " Me : ( aha , how meant why ) " Yes we are baby . Love you , see you in the morning ! " Don 't kids say funny things ? It 's quite revealing too what they say since they have yet to develop in internal censor , they just say exactly what 's on their mind . And you never quite know what it 'll be next , comments about how big and old you are or a heartmelter about being best friends . : ) For some unknown reason Brianna seems to think the contents of Noah 's dresser are infinitely interesting . Quite often she wanders into his room and explores the contents of his drawers , or rather , throws the contents onto the floor . I have no idea why onesies and bibs should have so much fascination but I guess they do . It 's not uncommon for me to find a teddy bear or dolly wearing one of my little boy 's outfits . ( Although in fairness to Bree they ARE the perfect dolly size . ) Either that or she thinks it 's really great to try and wear the tiny clothes herself , forget that they are 6 sizes too small and also boy clothes . There she 'll be wearing a bib , or with a little sweater on , the sleeves hitting her at the elbow and the bottom of it coming to rest at her midback , smiling happily . As you 've seen though , Bree is fair about it and although she tries on some of his stuff , she also lets him borrow some of hers , like the earmuffs . Although , she seems to strike when Noah is passed out and unable to express any protest . Well , she was at it again this week and here 's the evidence : Poor little Noah , just trying to take a snooze and he once again finds himself put into an awkward position by his sister . And this is the way I found her at the same time . . . imagine , I walk into the room to find my son wearing a pretty hair bow and my " big girl " wearing nothing but a newborn hat , a bib and her underwear . ( And judging by the expression on her face , thinking she 's in trouble - but I just laughed . ) Maybe it was some kind of role reversal thing ? Who knows ? But I made sure to snap these pictures to show off to their future significant others . : ) And it 's not just Brianna who seems to put Noah in these uncomfortable situations either . Travis also got in on the act this week . . . Noah was chillin ' out on the floor , kicking and wiggling and trying to figure out the rolling over thing ( his big obsession lately ) when Travis decides to take off his socks and lob them at the kid . ( The whole throwing your socks at your loved ones thing is not a nPosted by to our blog , where you can keep up with the kids ' lives . This is where I talk about their daily adventures and my thoughts on parenting . Raising kids can be a challenge but then , they also keep me laughing !
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Dad had a dissected aortic aneurysm . In laymans terms : he busted the crap right out of the entire layer of his aorta . By the time he got to the hospital he had no pulse & no blood pressure but he was STILL CONCIOUS . He talked his way through his symptoms & less than 2 hours from the time he heard his aorta pop ( yes . . . he heard it pop ! ) he was on a bypass machine being prepped for surgery . Kdog & I are very open with my dad . There was not a feeling unsaid regarding our relationship . Over the past four months my dad had reconnected consistently with my children . The Lord was preparing our household for what was about to happen . My children are very attached to my dad & I 've never been able to say that before . And this was happening BEFORE his miraculous aortic repair . When I got to the hospital & waited with his wife & my brother it felt like a bad dream . We didn 't know if he would live through the surgery . We waited for five hours and during those five hours The Lord melted away resentment & uncomfortable feelings . He replaced them with love & compassion . The surgeon replaced his aortic valve & grafted a new aortic arch . His ' new parts ' will probably outlast the rest of his body . One new ' part ' is a pig valve . My oldest has named him ' Bacon ' . The next several days are hazy but mostly I remember seeing him sedated with tears rolling down his face . I knew my dad was in there . My sister came and we had lots of time together ( which is unusual since she lives 3 hours away ! ! ) . We prayed over Dad , stroked his hair & held his hands . My most precious moment was praying over dad & my sister started to pray outloud . Dad was still sedated , breathing tube in & he became restless . He was responding to our prayers ! ! ! Dad has made a miraculous recovery . He came home on December 23 . He 's weak but progressing everyday . He had a small stroke & some vision damage but they are both resolving with each & every day ! While mamaw is at work he comes & hangs at my house . It 's never dull here . And we keep him moving . The love of children & laughter is the best medicine of all if you ask me ! This entire life changing experience has brought my entire family closer . Yes , even my mom & ' step ' mom . We all have one thing in common : LOVE . Love for our Lord & Saviour . And do you know what He commands ? " A new command I give you : Love one another . As I have loved you , so you must love one another . By this everyone will know that you are my disciples , if you love one another . " ( John 13 : 34 , 35 NIV ) He 's back . Actually , THEY ' RE back . There 's a host of scout elves haunting houses all over Middle America and creepily spying on innocent young ones across the world . And it 's all in the name of Santa . . . that jolly old bearded fellow who magically shimmies down chimneys everywhere to deliver lots of commercial stuff to our impressionable babes who have been induced with toy - madness since the end of August when they started playing Christmas music in Wal - Mart . You be good . Really good . Your elf will tell Santa . You will get lots of presents . More specifically , WE think it 's fun . You don 't have to like the elf . You don 't have to have one of your own if you don 't want one . And I won 't love you any less if you don 't . In fact , if your child is under the age of two and / or you still can 't pee by yourself on a regular basis I might even suggest that you don 't have time for the elf . That 's ok and I also promise you will pee alone again one day . One fine , fine day . Simply put , Christmas is about God sending his son , Jesus , to the earth in flesh as a baby . It has nothing to do with Santa or elves , we all know that was just a byproduct that happened much , much later . The common denominator here though is that the heart of this holiday is two things : JOY and LOVE . Check out the first two fruits of the spirit ! LOVE and JOY ! We move that ( insert your own adjective here ) elf every night , and make it do silly , sometimes involved things , because we LOVE our children ! We do it because it creates JOY in each of our hearts ! The morning beasties are sweet and cooperating these days because they are so full of joy while trying to find where " Doc " is the morning ! Not to mention the hours that my husband and I spend TOGETHER ( what ? ? ) during the Christmas season planning , plotting , and crafting this little guy 's next crazy scheme ! We also do it because we can make it into something teachable . The other day we read this article : http : / / voices . yahoo . com / 5 - elf - shelf - ideas - havent - thought - of - 12409891 . html . Meet Renae 's elves , Hervy & Vivi , and the note Hervy left her kids last week : It 's also a way for moms who take care of others all day and limit their creative sides to show a little creativity of their own . We were creative once . . . before sleep deprivation killed two thirds of our brain cells . Hervy 's Marshmallow Bath I look forward to Doc . I love how excited my kids are to find him each morning . I love the JOY that it brings them . Seeing them experiencing JOY brings me JOY in return ! Clap your hands , all you nations ; shout to God with cries of joy . ~ Psalm 47 : 1 Nehemiah said , " Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks , and send some to those who have nothing prepared . This day is sacred to our Lord . Do not grieve , for the joy of the LORD is your strength . " ~ Nehemiah 8 : 10 3 . Contact Lenses . I 've been wearing them for 27 years . I just can 't see right out of glasses . They almost make me dizzy . 4 . Living three miles from work . It has changed my life . I can get to work in five minutes most days . I can run home during specials and change my pants if someone accidentally spills their lunch all over me . 5 . Flat irons . I don 't think I have to explain that one . You know . 6 . Fiesta Mexicana . It 's my favorite food . The fact that my family loves this place probably has more to with the way the people there make us feel than anything else . We 've taken nearly every good friend or family member there to eat at least once . It makes us happy . Love . 7 . Lowes Foods to Go . Because I can 't take my children into the grocery store after we 've all been at school all day . I just can 't . And there are better things to do on Saturday . 10 . Facebook . It has its down side . But I love seeing pictures of my niece and nephews and my friends ' children on a daily basis . I love the perfect passage of scripture that pops up on my feed exactly when I need it . I love that it 's the fastest way to get 200 + people praying in less than five minutes . I love redeeming technology , one post at a time . Always be joyful . Never stop praying . Be thankful in all circumstances , for this is God 's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus . Posted by Today we will be on a huge country farm that belongs to Kdog 's aunt & uncle . We enjoy the simple things today , slowing down to embrace the gorgeous landscape our Heavenly Father has created . Praying we learn to slow down more & rush less as we head in to the Christmas season . Being grateful is a constant effort in a fallen world but through His grace & love it is possible to find JOY . Always . ' Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise ; give thanks to him and praise his name . For the Lord is good and his love endures forever ; his faithfulness continues through all generations . ' ( Psalm 100 : 4 , 5 NIV ) Gobble gobble , y ' all ! ! About twelve years ago ( give or take a few ) Kdog & I began an unimaginable journey to thanksgiving . Thanksgiving in the terms of being thankful everyday for the small things . But also for being thankful for circumstances & life events that hurt . Being thankful for pain . When Kdog & I were first married we noticed his mom forgetting things . She was YOUNG . In her 50s . Clinically depressed for years after losing her husband ( Kdog 's daddy - o ) . But one of the sweetest ( unless you crossed her wrong & that redheaded woman would cut you with a look so deep it would make a grown man pee himself ) & soft spoken women I 've ever met . She was modest and could bake up the BEST poundcake & poppyseed bread . She treated me like her own & once I got to know her , fell in love with her sweet spirit . I LOVED listening to stories of how much she loved Kdog 's father . She would say ' I had the best & nobody will ever compare . ' She ALWAYS had her bible beside her chair with lists & lists of people she was praying for . " For in this hope we were saved . But hope that is seen is no hope at all . Who hopes for what they already have ? But if we hope for what we do not yet have , we wait for it patiently . In the same way , the Spirit helps us in our weakness . We do not know what we ought to pray for , but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans . And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him , who have been called according to his purpose . " ( Romans 8 : 24 - 26 , 28 NIV ) I 'm thankful for what this whole experience has made our marriage . . . solid . Centered on Christ . And I can guarantee without having lived the dark , difficult years before , we would never have gotten to where we are now . " Do not be anxious about anything , but in every situation , by prayer and petition , with thanksgiving , present your requests to God . And the peace of God , which transcends all understanding , will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus . " ( Philippians 4 : 6 , 7 NIV ) Denyse and I were always singing as we grew up . I can 't tell you how many times Crazy Rathma has asked us to ' sing for me , honey . ' ( You know , in the church fellowship hall in front of random people after our Poppi 's funeral ) . So , ' I 'll Fly Away ' ( as did our embarrassment after we started singing ) we sang to Granny 's delight . . . Music moves me . It speaks deep into my inner self . Singing is one of my most important spiritual connections to The Lord . I 've sung at church for years . Inconsistently since I 've had an entire litter of Keffer offspring . Honestly , it comes with so much scheduling , arranging , practicing , logistics of just getting there that it makes me feel old . And whiny . AND STRESSED OUT . Singing is a spiritual gift . It is to honor Him . Worship Him . It helps feed my soul to form a deeper & closer connection to Him . It 's actually a passion of mine . He leads me to this verse : We who are in Christ have a responsibity to serve . And finding your spiritual gift helps you figure out where you ' belong in ministry ' . I learned at a VERY young age that I loved to sing . But it took a long time to realize that it was a specific gift given to minister to others and share His love . Now , let 's also get it straight that I am by no means Aretha Franklin nor am I any where close to Beyoncé in vocal talent . ( Dance moves , maybe ) . Whatever . Spiritual gifts are given to those in Christ to encourage , help , minister , & love others . There are different kinds of gifts , but the same Spirit distributes them . There are different kinds of working , but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work . Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good . ( 1 Corinthians 12 : 4 , 6 , 7 NIV ) It is important to find your passion in ministry . The Lord has specifically given you , YES . . . YOU , a gift that is especially intended to further His Kingdom . YOU have a gift that He wants you to use for His good . Working with children ? You can be a blessing to others no matter where you are in your relationship with The Lord . He will meet you in the middle . . . wherever you are . . . He will guide you and plop you right where you belong ! Denyse has an awesome testimony about finding and applying her spiritual gifts : So . . . what if you don 't know what your spiritual gift is ? Or what if you know but you are utterly and completely terrified to use it ? My spiritual gift is the same as my sister 's , yet my experience with this gift is completely different . To make a very long story short . . . years ago I used my gift of music through both church and secular opportunities . It was a path I considered taking as my profession . I didn 't , for several reasons . Along with that dream , my love of serving God through my gift died away . Fast forward twenty years . Yes , I said twenty years . I didn 't sing much more than the Good Morning song to kindergarteners and Itsy Bitsy Spider to my own two little ones for TWENTY years . ( And those times that Rathma forced me to . ) God had been gently pushing me toward my return to church . Not just a go to church kind of thing , but a be the church kind of thing . He not so subtly shoved me into newhope church 's Garner campus on it 's opening day in 2010 . I cried every Sunday for a year knowing that His presence was so thick in that place that I couldn 't brush it off of me when I left each week even if I had tried . When the first plea came for serving in this budding campus I opted for the children 's ministry . I knew how to do that . And I did , but without complete fulfillment . But that was ok , I was helping and I was happy to be helpful . For one whole year I sat in service each Sunday trying to sort through what God was trying to tell me . About lots of things in my life really , but specifically about serving . I LOVED the worship music ! It was loud ! It was fun ! And best of all , it was not a four part hymn sung in a dragged out 4 / 4 time , heavy on the Southern drawl ! I wanted to sing those new songs all week ! This went on and on within me until the following summer . I went home to Virginia to visit my family and attended my family 's church like I often did . Soon after I arrived my sister said , " Hey , I 'm singing this Sunday . I know it cuts our time a little short but I 've had to say no the last couple of times they 've asked me . " I didn 't mind . I liked her church . Petrified , a few weeks later I talked to our worship arts pastor . We arranged an audition . It was scary and my rustiness was apparent . But I had no doubt that I would be invited to be a part of the worship arts team , not because I was anything amazing , but because this was what God had told me to do . I listened . Good things happen when I listen . Two years later , I am still using my gift of music to serve God through my church . I never grow tired of serving . My body may grow tired . . . because it 's a long day with three worship services each time I do serve . . . and it seems that somehow I am now twenty years older . But I never tire of the actual serving part . Serving feeds my soul because I use the gift that God gave me . If you feel like you haven 't found your gift . . . just listen . Pray about it . Talk to people you know about how they found their gifts and listen to the advice they have . Think about your passion . What do you love ? Maybe not focus quite so much on what you are good at . . . although that can certainly be beneficial if your gift does happen to be singing ! ; ) If you know your gift but have been a little afraid to use it . . . please allow me to encourage you to give it a try ! You know if God is speaking to you . Listen to what He is saying and listen to his direction . He is always right ! Isaiah 30 : 21 ( NIV ) 21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left , your ears will hear a voice behind you , saying , " This is the way ; walk in it . " And I will say this as well . . . if you are not so sure that your relationship with the Lord is exactly where you want it to be just yet . . . ( Is anyone 's ? ? Mine 's not ! ) there is a very good chance that by jumping in and using your spiritual gift to serve Him . . . that you will actually become that much closer in the meantime . God gave us gifts for a reason . His plan is oh so perfect and I promise you . . . someone out there needs for you to use your gift ! It just may be that using your gift will help them find theirs ! On December 17 , 2007 I called one of my best friends to tell her that I was pregnant with my second child . She answered the phone with " I 've been meaning to call you ! I 'm pregnant ! " Two friends pregnant at the same time for the second time ? To say we were excited would be a complete understatement . We both had little boys who were under the age of one . . . ok hers was nearly one and mine was only six months old . But regardless , we were excited to share another pregnancy together and were , of course , hoping for girls to round out our families . It turned out she was a few weeks ahead of me so she got to go first to have the 18 week ultrasound to find out if she was having a girl or a boy . She was going on a Friday so I waited excitedly for the call . Friday ended and turned into Saturday . I fretted but chalked it up to a busy weekend . Sunday rolled around and I thought surely their appointment was cancelled . . . or something . I 'd call tomorrow . But later Sunday afternoon the call came . The technician had seen something concerning on the ultrasound . . . something on her back . . . maybe on the spinal column . . . they weren 't completely sure . . . spina bifida . . . sending them to Duke for more tests . . . the baby might not be able to walk . . . but they were going through with the pregnancy . I don 't remember what I said . I just remember trying not to cry . Trying to be supportive . Trying to reason through something that hurt worse than anything I could think of up until now in my life and it wasn 't even happening to me . My friend 's little girl would likely not be able to walk . I had to wait two more weeks for our ultrasound . It was an eternity . And it was worse than you think . You see , my husband was born with a birth defect called cranium bifidum . You can google that if you 'd like , but honestly I don 't recommend it . The photographs are upsetting . Encephalocele , sometimes known by the Latin name cranium bifidum , is a neural tube defect characterized by sac - like protrusions of the brain and the membranes that cover it through openings in the skull . These defects are caused by failure of the neural tube to close completely during fetal development . Encephaloceles cause a groove down the middle of the skull , or between the forehead and nose , or on the back side of the skull . The severity of encephalocele varies , depending on its location . ( Wikipedia ) My husband is part of a less than 1 % population with cranium bifidum who survived during the 1970 's . Even though he had large skull openings , there was no membrane or portion of the brain protruding through his skull openings . In short . . . We had already been through genetic counseling with our first child . We knew that there was an 80 % chance that our children could be born with cranium bifidum or any other nerual tube defect . Spina bifida is a neural tube defect . Our friend 's baby , more than likely , had spina bifida . But it didn 't . After many level 2 and 3D ultrasounds , it was determined that our baby was fine . In July of 2008 Miss Awesome was born on the very day that our family closed on and moved into our new home . ( Still not sure how I did that 8 . 5 months pregnant . ) I will never forget that day . Awesome 's mom was on bed rest for the latter part of her pregnancy because of low amniotic fluid so they scheduled a c - section a few weeks early . I remember the text : We got to see Awesome a few weeks later because she was in the hospital for awhile right after she was born . I was so distressed that I couldn 't visit at Duke because I had my own little one with me who had just turned 1 . If I was distressed I couldn 't even fathom what my friends were feeling . Few people know this and I often forget , but we did find after our daughter was born that she had a very diluted form of cranium bifidum where only her top fontanel was larger than normal - the diameter was about three inches - but it closed on its own by the age of three . She even has the classic hairy spot at the base of her spine that can indicate a neural tube issue . We know what ' almost ' feels like . But we don 't really know . We have watched this unshakable family tackle clinic days , braces , therapists , and medical bills for five years now . We have watched this unshakable girl learn to sit up , crawl , scoot , climb stairs , wheel , and even to walk . We know a miracle when we see one . A miracle is what everyone prayed for , after all . A few weeks ago we had the privilege of walking in the Walk and Roll for Spina Bifida . I was not expecting all of those memories to come flooding back , but for some reason they did . Teary - eyed with gratefulness , I just said a prayer of thanks for the love we share with this family who is so special to us . I thanked God for every what if , almost , and unanswered prayer . Because everything that IS , is just as God intended it . And I believe that this little girl is just perfect exactly the way she is . Psalm 139 : 16 - 19 ESV For you formed my inward parts ; you knitted me together in my mother 's womb . I praise you , for I am fearfully and wonderfully made . Wonderful are your works ; my soul knows it very well . My frame was not hidden from you , when I was being made in secret , intricately woven in the depths of the earth . Your eyes saw my unformed substance ; in your book were written , every one of them , the days that were formed for me , when as yet there was none of them . The fall season here is gorgeous . This time of year always makes me think about how in scripture it says , ' Therefore , if anyone is in Christ , the new creation has come : The old has gone , the new is here ! ' ( 2 Corinthians 5 : 17 NIV ) . Every spring the leaves bud on the trees , everything is new ! Then summer is gorgeous & lavishly green . Fall comes around and the leaves turn amazing brilliant colors displaying His beauty in nature . Sadly , the leaves fall & the trees are bare . Winter is cold & desolate . But yet again , every spring He makes all things new ! ! That is the road I travel everyday to my house . I was stopped in my tracks today at the gorgeousness . There are many seasons of life . I 've been thinking of a few a lot the past two weeks . A couple of my friends have had babies in the past 14 days . I 've held them & snuggled them & done lots of thinking how I 'm really glad I don 't have a newborn . Hahaaaa . So many things change in a year with small children . Last year I was in a newborn sleep deprived haze at Halloween . This year I am ON IT . Obnoxious baking . But to me it isn 't about this ' stuff ' . It 's about making memories & instilling tradition in my children . I have such wonderful memories of my childhood doing these types of things . The season of having babies and sleepless nights is really hard . Foggy thoughts surround all of my memories after each of my children were born . This season is full of life changing and soul defining moments . Becoming a parent ( for me ) was a process that I had to gradually accept . I remember thinking when my first born was 6months old ' am I just going to sit in the floor and play with my kids the rest of my life ? ' Naive . Young . SELFISH . If only it were that simple & easy . Having babies made me grow up . I became an adult because I had to put on my big girl britches & get out of bed every morning . . . because someone NEEDS me . They need a momma who gets up ( not always cheerful ) and tends to their needs because they matter . Putting my aches , exhaustion , laziness , MY wants aside & doing what The Lord haDenyse and Renae When you ask God to break your heart for what breaks His , He does not hesitate to answer . I 've always had a soft spot in my heart for people ( and for animals ) but lately God is using this and doing something different in me . I was walking through Wal - Mart today and happened to pass by a muslim woman and her sweet little boy who was riding in a shopping cart . I smiled . She didn 't , but that didn 't matter to me . And then my heart broke . Right there in the middle of the paper products isle . Usually I can 't tell by just passing by whether or not someone knows Jesus . But because of her head covering , it was blatant that she was not a Christian and did not know Jesus . Not that I 've never passed by a muslim person before , but today was the day that it hit me . If nobody intervenes , this woman is going to hell . And what 's more , she 'll never teach her precious son about Jesus either . My eyes filled with tears . I 'm not sure why God chose today to let me see this child of His through His eyes , but He did . And I think I may have failed . Was I supposed to stop her in the middle of Wal - Mart and ask her if she knew Jesus ? I 'm not sure . But what I do know is that it wrecked me and I was extra thankful that I was by myself . My first thought , as I was standing there crying by the cat litter , was that I am not a good witness . And I don 't know if I 'll ever get much better . Then my thoughts turned quickly to my own children . First , I just stood there and thanked God for them . I thanked Him for their pure hearts and for their willingness to pray anytime , anywhere , for anyone . But mostly I thanked Him that my children already know Jesus . My heart has been at ease for some time knowing that if anything happens to them or to me . . . you know what I mean . . . I KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT that we will meet again in heaven one day . I take incredibly strong comfort in that . Tomorrow is not guaranteed , folks . Still , my question is : How do I help my children do better than I do ? How do I teach them to witness ? And God said to me . . . 1 . Take them to church . Every week . Or more . That 's kind of obvious , I know , but that 's one place that children can gain knowledge , language , and experiences that will help them to put the story of Jesus in their own words . 2 . Model . Even when it feels awkward . Let them see you talking to others about Jesus - even if it 's only with people you know and are comfortable with . Help them to know that it 's perfectly natural and ok to talk to other people about Jesus . It 's the best news in the world ! It 's exciting and it should be shared ! 3 . Talk about witnessing . Ask your children if they 've ever talked to friends at school about Jesus . Tell them that it 's ok to do that if they want to or if they feel like God is telling them to share . It feels good to obey what God is asking us to do . And it feels beyond good to know that our friends will be able to go to heaven if they know Jesus ! ! 4 . Encourage them . When you hear your child talking to others about God , Jesus , church , or even things like fruits of the spirit , praise them for it ! If the angels are rejoicing in heaven because your child is helping to expand the Kingdom , you should be rejoicing too ! 5 . Let it stand that they can invite any friend to church anytime . No matter if you really wanted to sleep late and slip into church right as the service starts the next day . No matter if you don 't feel like having one more noisy kid in the car on Sunday morning . Guaranteed , you will end up being blessed in some way . . . and someone 's little soul may be hanging in the balance .
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The herbaceous bed is planted up with all the plants that are going in for now . I will be putting daffs in shortly and also planting up the two containers on the front with flowers for the spring . Hands and nails in a mess again , never mind a couple of days and they will be sorted . I have tried wearing gloves to garden in but find they are just too clumsy , I need to feel the plants as I put them in . I was asked about treating the grass , we use evergreen feed and weed . DB puts it on the grass at least 3 days after it has been cut . If it does not rain within 24 hours you have to water it in . Then just leave it and the moss goes black and the other weeds go brown . After a couple of weeks scarify it with a rake and the weeds and moss will come out . At this point if you need to you can sow grass seed . You can get an autumn mix for sowing now . We use canes and black thread to stop the birds form eating the seed before it has time to germinate . Once we get a reasonable amount of rain any parched grass will green up again . When I cam back from Cotton Reels yesterday I brought with me a bag of lavender to strip and some damsons . DB ate a couple last night the rest I have turned into jam this afternoon , I used the pressure cooker , I no longer have a jam pan , I do not make enough jam to warrant buying one . The worst bit was fishing the stones out , some have escaped , I saw then tumbling into the jars . Late posting today , have just got back from my friends after a nightmare journey home . Two accidents one on the A46 and one in Melton badly affected the traffic . I managed to get off the A46 only to run into jams coming through the back roads from the town . Large store and plenty of shoppers . DB did my quilting guru 's shop for her , whilst I concentrated on ours . DD2 had got 2 daily mirror 's so we got coupons for some stuff , pus £ 5 off a £ 40 shop , mine was £ 64 . 62 so the £ 5 came in handy . DD2 also donated her fuel points from Tesco so I filled the car up for £ 21 . DB retired to bed with a dizzy during the morning . He is supposed to be bowling this afternoon , was expecting a phone call to say its off , the green will be saturated . The match was played DB lost but not too badly , so honour is upheld . He brought home some apple mint , one piece of which has a few roots on , so it has been potted up fingers crosses it will grow . Put the pressure cooker on with the blade bone from the lamb , onions and soup mix to make scotch broth . I had a tin of carrots in the cupboard so decided to put them in when it finished cooking . Next month I will have to look at tinned / dry stuff in case we get bad weather and cannot get out in the winter . Last night we put the blanket on when we went up to bed and by the time we got in , it was toastie warm for the feet . It was switched off then . No more power used than it would have taken to heat the water for hotties . Set off for Argos to collect the blanket and also an HDMI cable for the TV , then went on to the garden . It was once the vicarage for the parish church but was bought in 2009 and having spent 12 months doing up the house they started on the garden . A shady garden with a lot of mature trees a couple of water features and a pond . We went on to DD2 's to ' meet the girlfriend ' , all went well , she is very quiet but I guess she was a bit overawed by the company . Lovely tea . DGS had made a focaccia which was very nice , ham eggs and cheese rolls , sausage rolls , crisps , Eton mess and scones with jam and cream . Re the shelf unit in the kitchen , I am intending to paint it at some point but as DS2 was here , let him put it up , did not want him to have to do a special journey just to do that . I discovered this morning he has put a bracket on the outside watt near the tap for the hosepipe . We can wind the hose onto it off of the ground . Very handy . . . . . . I forgot to say yesterday I managed to scald my foot . On Thursday night my feet were freezing despite having socks on in bed , so I decided to fill a hot water bottle . Put it in the bed and pushed it down with my foot , yikes almost scalding hot water on my heel , made worse by the fact that it had soaked into my sock ! ! The bottle had burst . I was a bit surprised as it was new earlier in the year . I had some wasp eaze in the first aid kit so DB sprayed it generously over my heel , Boy did it sting , but thankfully stopped it blistering . It was suggested that we get an electric blanket , but they are so expensive , we have a Queen size bed . . . . . . almost £ 100 ! ! Having said that I have just found one in Argos which is £ 70 , we have £ 15 of argos vouchers , it might be worth thinking about especially if it could be put on a time switch so it was warm when we get into bed . I have been researching square foot gardening on the Internet , we have a bed at the bottom of the patio which I think would convert easily into a small veg growing patch . I will get DB to have a read and see what he thinks , if we can only grow salad crops , beans , carrots , courgette , tomato 's and cucumbers through the summer it would be a help . It is too small to grow cauliflower , calebrese or cabbage unless we divide it into thirds and just grow them for winter consumption . Cauliflowers are very expensive just at the moment . We have grown greyhound cabbage before it grows quite quickly , and , if its not allowed to get too big is really nice . DS2 came this morning to do the few jobs we had left from his last visit . Everything is done now , we just need to start planting some of the plants . I cut the hebe right down , taken 6 cuttings , so hopefully one will take . The euronymous has also been taken down and 2 pieces of trellis fixed to the fence at the bottom of the garden . Its a bit rocky , but DS thinks it will be ok . I was in the middle of cleaning when he turned up so the Friday clean has been put on hold until tomorrow . I have rolled up the rug that kept walking and its in the attic , the room looks so much bigger without it . We just have to tackle the mark on the carpet where feet have been shuffled . We had ham sandwiches for lunch DB decided to have a dizzy so went to bed . He was not too late getting up . Finished his lunch and then we bundled all the stuff in the car and went to the tip . Following on from my post yesterday Richard III 's remains have not been re - interred as yet , there have been a few hold ups including York trying to get hold of them . A recent announcement said that his remains would be interred in Leicester Cathedral in March next year . http : / / decodedpast . com / burying - richard - iii this is a link to an article that was published recently . He is still able to raise discord over 500 years later . There are to be big celebrations . His bones will be laid in an Ossuary and he will lie in state for 3 days in the Cathedral for people to pay their respects . The ossuary will then be placed in the ground and the stone tomb placed over the top . DB wanted to clean the roof of the caravan , I made him wait until I had done the Monday clean , no way was he going on a ladder without me being at the bottom . He did half the side and the back part of the roof before I called time . Hope to get the other bit done on wednesday . DB had palps yesterday , despite medication they did not go off . until after midnight last night . The meds also seem to be making him tired , this happened once before . He went for nap before lunch . We went out for short walk after lunch , through the local grave yard . It 's very well kept , neat and tidy . A circular walk bringing us back to the top of the road . A quite week for us this week . DD2 will be here tomorrow afternoon and I guess we will be at the market and library on Tuesday . Apart from that we will just be at home . If the weather is ok we may start to put some of the plants in . DB was working in the garden , the herbaceous bed is almost dig out and after DB had been for his siesta and had a cuppa and cake we went out and started to put the pots where we want the plants to go . I re - potted the two hydrangea cuttings the roots were through the bottom of the pot . I am quite pleased they have both taken , I intend to grow them on in pots so I can keep them under control . Last night I got on the the page with the planning application for our old apartment . The preliminary work had been going on for a lot longer than the LL admitted to . The amount of details and the full plans for the site suggest that they are going to develop it themselves rather than sell the land . Either that or they have a firm bid on the land from a builder . I am really angry . In the Justification for permission to demolish this is part of what it says : The flats have successfully let over the past 20 years , often for several years at a time . Yet , tenancies have become shorter in duration ; a central problem cited is the high cost of heating the flats , during cold periods . For example - last winter all 5 units became vacant within a few weeks of each other , the majority remaining so for 3 to 4 months . Library books changed , fresh fruit and veg bought , paid in a cheque at the bank and got the TV times , took me just under the hour . DB stayed in bed whilst I was out . Will try to get him up before breakfast tomorrow , we have an appointment to get our feet done at lunch time . Expecting an approved foods order but not sure if its coming today or tomorrow , will have to wait and see . They had put the wrong address on it . It may go back to the depot and be back out tomorrow . I am really annoyed , Dr did not come out , but phoned , asked to speak to DB . Does not seem at all concerned , could not care less if he has C Diff again . . . . . the man is a moron . I told DB whilst he was talking on the phone to the Dr that if he did turn out to have C Diff again I would sue the Dr . I have to go and collect a script for him after 3pm . All the washing dry , had to fetch it in it started to rain , have just got a few thicker things airing . I now have to tackle another lot of ironing . Hope to do a coloured wash tomorrow then its all up to date . My birthday did not start too well , was up all night with DB trotting back and forth to the loo . He did managed about 4 hours sleep at one point but I was awake . He is not responding to the medication , so if it has not cleared up in the morning I will be getting the Dr . in . He has eaten the same as me and also not been in contact with anyone who could pass on a virus . As he had C > Diff 4 years ago I am very well aware it can re - occur . Thank you to those of you who sent me birthday greetings , very kind of you . We obviously are not going to DD2 's for lunch . It will be put off for another time . I am going to try and have a nap this afternoon , make up for some of the sleep I lost last night . DB is still in bed , close to the bathroom . I will put him in the shower later and change his PJ 's he is on a dry toast and water diet for today . I had a cheque from SSE for overpayment on the gas , but a bill for £ 65 for the electric , getting readings for the electric at the apartment was hopeless the LL would only read the meters for me and I used to read them every week as I am doing here . We are using less electric here . I was lucky if they got read once a month there . The house is a lot smaller than the apartment , so cosier , and should be cheaper to keep warm . in the winter . Dare say there will be changes around from time to time , but this is the sitting room as it is just now . I hung Granny 's picture just this morning . The wall unit is actually sitting on top of the drawers , it looks more like a dresser that way . The ceiling height is also lower , Not sure really what I did this morning , did not seem to be much . The box came yesterday to return the virgin equipment along with a bill for £ 240 . 52 for the remainder of the contract . . . . . . I am not happy about it , Virgin cannot supply me with TV etc , but I fail to see why I should have asked them what areas of the town they supplied and then looked for a house in that area we could afford . . . . . . regardless it looks as if I will have to pay them . If they take me to court it will damage our credit rating , something I am not really prepared to have happen . We had rain over night and it was still raining when we got up . It did clear mid morning and the sun came out . It was quite warm this afternoon , although there was a breeze which kept it from getting too hot . Monday routine re - established now we have the house more or less as we want it . If I could stop the wandering carpet everything would by great . So bedrooms , landing and bathroom cleaned . DD2 came this afternoon , we were sat in the garden drinking tea and eating chocolate chip cookies when a head popped over the wall at the side of the garden . We had been talking about cutting down some plants that were coming over the wall , the lady was chopping them off . DB had quite a conversation with her , It turned out that our little close of houses is built on a site where there was a garage and allotments . Our house is actually where the garage was . . . . . . . . DB messing about in the garden . DS2 wound the screw for the rotary dryer right into the grass for me yesterday , washer on with a coloured load . Should dry . At least there is nothing that needs ironing when its dry , it can just be folded and put away . Very late posting today . We were not too early getting up . I decided to do the pile of ironing that has been sitting looking at me for days . DB went off to play bowls and DS2 arrived . We sat for a while drinking tea , eating cake and chatting . He needed to talk about the events of the last couple of weeks , I was only too happy to listen . Numerous cups of tea were drunk and DS2 left to travel back to Corby just before 8pm . He was suffering with a bad back , he had been sleeping in a camp bed at the weekend and it did not suit his back . He said it was not as bad as it had been earlier in the week . I set off just after 11am for Aldi at Syston to pick up some stuff for Cotton Reel and a water butt for DB . I called at Wilkinsons for a curtain rail for the front bedroom , some shower gel and mouthwash . So we have enough to keep us going for quite some time .
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Welcome to the SciFlicks SQUAD ! Forums . You are currently viewing our community boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions , articles and access our other FREE features . By joining our free and open - minded sci - fi community you will be able to start and reply to forum discussions , write movie reviews , communicate privately with other members ( PM ) , respond to polls and access many other special features . Registration is fast , simple and absolutely free so please , join our community today ! If you have any problems with the registration process or with your account please contact support here . " I can 't believe we 're taking orders from Optimus Prime , " grumbled Swindle . " And besides , shouldn 't we attack Megatron now ? What 's the use of a repair bay ? Either we win , or we get blown to little bits , and a repair bay won 't help us then . " " I used to be like that , " mused Rumble with a smile , " Those were the good old days . " He paused . " But lately , it seems that that the Decepticon cause is no longer what we fight for . We seem to be fighting for Megatron 's cause . And that 's not what I signed up for . " " More than you might think , " answered Octane . " Many even cling to some of the same ideals as you Autobots do . Honor , loyalty , peace , etc , but most would never defy Megatron . They would prefer to be his lackey rather than be destroyed . I can 't say I blame them . Sometimes I think that if Megatron was destroyed , or if someone would just speak out against him , that the Decepticon army would no longer support his war . " First Aid caught Frenzy throwing Octane a cold look , as if saying he 'd said too much . " But isn 't that what Skyquake 's been doing for years ? " he asked . " No . Skyquake wants to take over the army , and crush the Autobots . I 'd take a competent Megatron over an incompetent Skyquake any day , " replied Octane . " Like I said , there are Decepticons that believe in peace , " said Octane . They continued on in silence , but one of them was not thinking about what had been said , as much as he was thinking of his own continued existence . When they reached the base , Swindle went off by himself , and found the outpost 's communications building . It was time to hedge his bets . Daniel nodded and removed his shirt . Rodimus hadn 't realized how well constructed Danny 's prosthetics were . If he didn 't know they weren 't real , he 'd never have guessed otherwise . Hoist held Daniel 's arm in one hand and used a finger to touch his shoulder . He pulled and turned the arm slightly , and then the skin along his shoulder seemed to melt away , and the arm came loose , leaving the exposed circuitry protuding from his shoulder . " No . Mom and Dad thought it would be easier if I didn 't see it . They still treat me like I 'm just a kid , " he said , frustrated . " Give me a few minutes , Daniel , I should be able to come up with something . " He worked his controls for a few more minutes , and removed the arm when he was finished . He connected it back onto Daniel 's shoulder . The skin instantly grew back around it , concealing the robotics beneath . " It doesn 't feel any different , " replied Daniel . " Another long story , one that I won 't go into , so don 't ask . It was sometime after that that that Megatron reprogrammed us to serve him . " He shook his head , " We ended up betraying our good friend Omega Supreme then . After that , for millenia Omega relentlessly pursued us off the planet , and by the time Megatron left to destroy Optimus Prime four million years ago , almost all that was left of us was our personality components drifting on a derelict ship . Megatron found us when we finally crashed on Earth , and eventually he rebuilt us . " Optimus Prime , Springer , Blitzwing , and Onslaught had spent most of the day discussing possible strategies to use against Megatron . There was little they could really plan without reliable intelligence on the Decepticons . Skyfire , and the rest of the intelligence gathering team were due back any minute , however . Their base had been supplied , the defenses made ready , and the holo - shield activated . All that , and not one problem between any of the Autobots and Decepticons . Optimus Prime thought it was too good to be true , but everything seemed to be running smoothly . " Excellent , " said Optimus . A few moments later , and they had arrived . Noticeably absent were Ravage and Bumblebee . " Where are Ravage and Bumblebee ? " he asked . " I don 't know , " answered Skyfire , " They were to be my first pick - up point , but when I arrived , the tunnel entrance was crawling with Decepticons . So I continued on , until I picked up the rest of my group , and turned back for them . There was no sign of them . " Not Bumblebee , thought Optimus . They couldn 't have gotten him . But he couldn 't deal with his loss right now . It was imperative that they go over the intelligence that had been gathered . " How did this happen ? " bellowed Megatron . " How is it that you weren 't aware of this tunnel ? " Wolverine , Spyder , Thing , Cyclops and Soundwave stood before him . Megatron backhanded him , sending him into the wall , " Inexcusable ! " He turned to Soundwave , aware of Cyclops picking himself off the floor . " What is the condition of Jetstorm ? " " No , " said Spyder , " He survived . The Energon grenade he used didn 't completely detonate , the majority of the explosion hit Jetstorm . He had thrown the grenade into her face . He was lucky , his survival was a one in a million chance . " Megatron contemplated this , " Put him back together , Soundwave , so I can enjoy taking him apart piece by miserable piece . " Soundwave nodded and Megatron spoke again . " Mutanacons , leave us . " They quickly left . " Was he alone ? " he asked . Soundwave shook his head , " We don 't know . Jetstorm was the only one that saw them , since the guards couldn 't keep up with her , she was too fast . If there was another , he escaped . We did find residual Decepticon energy traces , but that may have been simply from our own troops . " " No , but it was probably destroyed in the explosion . " " Pray that it was , Soundwave , " said Megatron ominously . " And see to it that there are no further security breaches . " Nightbird to Megatron , respond please , " came her voice from his communicator . Hoist pressed some buttons on his control panel . Rodimus Prime watched as Daniel 's eyes fluttered shut . And soon as he was out , Hoist went to work . He removed Daniel 's arms and legs , and began incorporating his new designs into them , adjusting the implants meticulously . " That 's odd , " he mumbled to himself . " Well , someone had reprogrammed these implants . Although Doctor Hollas designed these limbs , First Aid and I aided in their design , adding Autobot technology . That 's why it has the skin that can sheath or unsheath as needed . It 's obvious someone has changed the programming . " " I don 't know . Whoever it was only need to be a good programmer . " After a half hour , he was done , and a few minutes later Daniel woke up . " How do you feel , Daniel ? " asked Rodimus . Hoist motioned them to follow him into the weapon 's range room , where all the Autobots tested their weapons after being designed or repaired . " Daniel , point your hands at that target , " he said . Daniel did as he was told . " Now , concentrate on firing your blasters . " Daniel concentrated . A second later , from his hands two blasts of energy streaked out , burning holes through the target . " Whoa , " came Daniel 's reply . " You 'll need a little practice , " said Hoist , " And you should be able to control which arm fires , and the intensity in no time . " Daniel nodded , pleased . " Now , Daniel , I also installed some anti - gravity units into your legs . You can control them the same way as your blasters . " Daniel concentrated on flying , and soon began to rise into the air , and Hoist again spoke , " Daniel , I want you to remember , these aren 't like jets . You can 't really fly . You won 't be able to get more than forty feet off the ground . If you try to go higher , they will not function , and you 'll fall . " " I understand Hoist . Thanks . " he said as he lowered himself to the floor . Hoist nodded , and Daniel and Rodimus left the repair bay . As they walked , Daniel looked up at Rodimus , " Thanks . " " My Mom and Dad told the doctors to limit the power output of my arms and legs to a normal kids ' strength . " He paused , almost afraid to tell , " Well , I 've been around computers a long time , long enough to learn a thing or two , and programming is my best subject in school . My Dad says I 'm alot like Chip Chase was with a computer . I reprogrammed my prosthetics to give me the maximum possible strength . " Daniel turned to the nearest wall in the hallway . As with most Cybertronian construction it was twelve inches of some of the strongest metal around . Daniel punched through it with his right arm , wincing slightly , barely noticable , but Rodimus spotted it . " That 's how strong , " as he pulled his arm out of the hole . " I hate to admit it , Optimus , but I 've got to agree with them on this , " said Springer . " We simply don 't have enough information to plan an attack . Let 's face it , we needed that information from the Decepticon 's mainframe . Without it , we won 't know what we 're walking into , and we definitely won 't know what we 're up against . It will be suicide . " Optimus hated to admit it , but he knew he was right . Bumblebee and Ravage were to gather the most important information , and without it , they were no better off than when they started . And they had lost two more of their group . " There is no point in dwelling on it further tonight , " said Optimus , wearily . " Why don 't you three go recharge ? " Springer and Onslaught nodded and left the room , but Blitwing had stayed behind . " Something I can do for you , Blitzwing ? " asked Optimus . " No , not really , " he said and then turned to leave . But then he stopped . " Actually , Optimus , there is something that you need to know . " " Yes ? " Beyond the cryptic references that the Cassetticons had gathered , he had heard of the First Circle , but not for millions of years . Not since before he was Optimus Prime . The First Circle was a legend known to Orion Pax . " If memory serves , the First Circle was a myth . I have not heard it mentioned since before Alpha Trion rebuilt me into Optimus Prime , from Orion Pax . " " They were more than a myth , Optimus , " said Blitzwing . " The First Circle was against the war . So when the Autobots defeated us in the last Great War , their hope was to build a new leader for the Decepticons , one who would prevent the beginning of a new one . They had the Constructicons build the body for this new leader , and his personality was carefully programmed . " " The result of the First Circle 's attempt was Megatron . Unfortunately , the first thing he did was kill almost every member of the First Circle . Every member , but three . " " What went wrong ? " Optimus asked , " How could Megatron have turned out so opposite to what you had intended him to be ? " " Megatron was programmed by an outsider . Someone we knew we could trust , so I know it wasn 't anything he did . The other surviving members were responsible . You see , we had a personality program written , which was to be merged with a life force , and he would become out new leader . The First Circle carefully and quietly had Vector Sigma build a lifeforce that we could merge with the program to ensure a being who would hold true to our ideals . Unfortunately , the lifeforce was corrupted . " As much as this news hit Optimus hard , at least one thing was now clear . He now knew why he was going to spare Megatron 's life that day in Autobot City . He knew why he wasn 't going to kill him . It was subconscious , but that had to be why . Megatron , like himself , was created by Alpha Trion . He was as much a father to Megatron as he was to himself . " Blitzwing , why are you telling me this ? " he asked . " The First Circle still exists , and many Decepticons are members . We meet in secret , and are very careful . " he paused , gathering his thoughts , " There are only a handful of them that know I lead the First Circle . Most members don 't even know that I am a member . Only when I was nearly destroyed by Skyquake and then repaired did I remember my true past . All the years of pretending to be one of Megatron 's loyal troops had damaged my cerebro - circuitry , the crazy stunts like crushing my enemies by falling from the sky in my tank mode . I think when the time comes , this could prove to be useful . " " I agree , " said Optimus . " Thank you , Blitzwing . This explains a great many things . " Blitzwing turned to leave , but Optimus stopped him . " Who were they ? The ones that altered the lifeforce ? " " I know who one of them was . It was Soundwave . The identity of the other , I don 't know . If I were to venture a guess , I 'd say Shockwave . But no one 's seen him since Unicron 's attack . He 's probably dead . Many members of the First Circle kept knowledge of their membersip to a minimum . Even as the leader of the First Circle , I do not know all of its members . I 'm not even sure if Soundwave knew who the other member was . " With that , Blitzwing left Optimus alone . He kept thinking about what Blitzwing had said . If Alpha Trion had created Megatron , then why didn 't he tell him ? Why hadn 't he warned him ? " Why , Alpha , why ? " he said to himself . At that moment , Optimus felt strange . All of a sudden , as if he were being willed to by another mind , he opened his chest compartment . The Autobot Matrix of Leadership floated out of his chest , and hovered before him for a moment . Then an image of Alpha Trion appeared . Though he had merged with Vector Sigma , Alpha Trion was still capable of linking to the Matrix through it , considering he once carried the Matrix himself . ~ Optimus Prime , I am sorry that I could not tell you the truth , ~ he replied . ~ For many years , Optimus , I carried the Matrix , while I waited for the one who would lead the Autobots to claim it . I helped the First Circle build a personality program thinking that perhaps the one I was constructing for them would be that leader . Even though the First Circle were Decepticons , they held the Autobot 's belief in peace . You already know what happened . ~ ~ After the Aerialbots brought Orion Pax to my lab , as I rebuilt you , I felt the Matrix call me , and knew then that you were the leader that was to bear the Matrix , ~ he explained . ~ I knew then , that your and Megatron 's futures would be invariably linked . I knew that one day it would come to pass that you would have to fight Megatron , and perhaps one day destroy him . ~ ~ Blitzwing said it well , you and Megatron are like brothers , but it goes beyond that . The program I wrote for the First Circle was merged with a corrupt lifeforce , which became Megatron . You are a merging of that same program , and the lifeforce of Orion Pax . In effect , you and Megatron come from the same program . You might almost be called twins . ~ This was almost more than Optimus could believe . Megatron was not only his brotherm but almost a twin . Millenia of war suddenly took on a whole new meaning . " Does Megatron know any of this ? " he asked . Rodimus sat in the command chair . Ultra Magnus , Arcee , Kup , and Blurr sat at various stations around the bridge . " Rodimus , what 's with Daniel ? As soon as he came aboard he said he was going to the ship 's target range , " asked Ultra Magnus . The alarms were sounding all over the base . Optimus and the others raced to the mouth of the cave . The proximity sensors had picked up something moving towards the base . The Autobots and Decepticons took up defensive positions . " No one fires until I say so , " ordered Optimus . He was trying to concentrate on what was happening , but his thoughts kept drifting back his conversations with Blitzwing and Alpha Trion . Suddenly , something emerged from the jungle foliage . " Ravage , " recognized Optimus . He ran from his position to where the Decepticon cat stood . Before he reached him , though , Ravage slumped to the ground . The others soon gathered around them . Ravage weakly told them about what happened . " After the explosion , I ran for the end of the tunnel . I . . . escaped just before the Decepticons located the entrance . I knew that . . . Skyfire would never be able to pick me up with the area full of them , and I could not . . . take the chance of flying . " " Perceptor , First Aid , get Ravage to the repair bay , he 's almost out of Energon . Springer , Onslaught , Blitzwing , and Skyquake with me . We need to see what they found out , " said Optimus . With that , the others went inside . Optimus lingered outside a moment . Bumblebee must have died , he could never have survived an explosion like that . Another name to add to the list of those he had sent to their death . Another friend gone . Bumblebee had probably taken some of them with him , and Jetstorm was probably dead as well . But that thought was no consolation to him . Meanwhile , in a dark recess of the cave , Swindle had made a decision . The data they now had made them a real danger to Megatron . He would be even more grateful to know their location now . Swindle sent off a signal from his communicator . Rodimus walked down the main corridor of Iacon - 1 towards the target range . They were halfway to Earth , and Daniel had been there the entire trip . Rodimus entered the room and watched Daiel as he fired at some targets . One by one , he hit each target dead on . It hadn 't taken him any time at all to master his blasters , and that worried Rodimus . " I 'm glad it 's all working so well . Why don 't you take a break ? " Rodimus sat down on the floor , and leaned against a wall . Daniel sat down next to him . " It was no accident , Rodimus , " blurted Daniel , angrily . " Megatron attacked the base , and he is responsible for what happened . " He started to calm down , " Rodimus , I want you to promise me something . " " I know , Rodimus . " He got up and headed back to the range . Rodimus stayed for a minute , shaking his head sadly , and then returned to the bridge . It didn 't seem like there was anything else he could say to Daniel . " Yes , " replied Blitzwing , " I think we may be able to use Megatron 's address of the troops to our advantage . . . " Before he could continue , however , the alarms began to sound . Optimus activated his communicator , " Hound , what 's going on ? " " We can 't worry about that now , " said Optimus , starting to push everyone into the tunnels . A moment later everyone except Blitzwing and Optimus and the Constructicons had started to move into the tunnel , except one . " Where 's Swindle ? " Optimus asked . " Let 's go , we can be gone before they defeat the automatic defenses , " said Optimus . As they moved deeper into the tunnel , he noticed that Constructicons had stopped , several meters behind them . " Scrapper , what are you doing ? " " We 're going to buy the rest of you some time to escape , " called Scrapper . Scrapper aimed his pistol at the cave ceiling , " Get going Optimus . We 'll hold them off . " He paused for a moment , and said , " Tell Omega Supreme we wished to have been able to apologize for our betrayal . " He fired , and ceiling collapsed , cutting them off . Optimus raised his arms to ward off the falling rubble , there was nothing he could do now . Would he now have to add Decepticon lives to his conscience ? He put the thought out of his mind , and started running after the others . A moment after the Constructicons had sealed off the tunnel , the Decepticons descended on the base . The automatic guns kicked in , but only held them off for a few minutes , soon they were all in smoking ruin . Then , Megatron , followed by Soundwave , and the remaining Mutanacons headed for the opening in to the cave , it 's holo - shield having been deactivated by Swindle . At that moment the Constructicons ran out of the cave . " Constructicons , unite ! " called Scrapper . A moment later , the mighty Devastator rose high above them . He raised his solar rifle at some of Megatron 's troops and fired a full charged blast , knocking seven of them off their feet , killing them . " Prepare for destruction , Megatron , " said Devastator , as he swung a massive fist at Megatron . Unfortunately , Megatron moved out of the way of the blow . Spyder , Wolverine , Thing and Cyclops fired several searing blasts at the giant , who was unable to maintain his balance under the barrage . He fell his back , and separated into his six component parts . It was soon over quickly as the Mutanacons dealt death to the Constructicons one by one , until only Scrapper remained . " Decepticons , after them . Soundwave , stay with me . " The Mutanacons , followed by the twenty - three remaining Decepticon warriors entered the cave . " So , Megatron , I 'm happy I could help you out , " said Swindle as he approached Megatron and Soundwave . " Of course it is , " answered Megatron . He walked over to Swindle and placed a hand on his shoulder . " You 've done well Swindle , and you 're going to get exactly what you deserve . " Megatron placed his hands around Swindle 's neck and began to squeeze , lifting him off the ground . " Megat . . . pleas . . . " begged Swindle , but this time it wouldn 't do any good . Megatron squeezed tighter , until the neckplates collapsed , and Megatron held Swindle 's head in his hands . He looked at it amused , and then dropped it , stepping on it . It crackled with energy , and hissed as it was crushed . Originally posted by Unicron I know , Im just saying that the way its written , that it seems like Megatron is choking the life out of Swindle . But he was , wasn 't he ? Yesssss . . . Optimus Prime Now , I 'm no expert . but I watched the cartoons , read the comics , watched the movie and loved the toys . I 'm a minor Transformers fan . And I 'm . . .
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Welcome to the SciFlicks SQUAD ! Forums . You are currently viewing our community boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions , articles and access our other FREE features . By joining our free and open - minded sci - fi community you will be able to start and reply to forum discussions , write movie reviews , communicate privately with other members ( PM ) , respond to polls and access many other special features . Registration is fast , simple and absolutely free so please , join our community today ! If you have any problems with the registration process or with your account please contact support here . " I can 't believe we 're taking orders from Optimus Prime , " grumbled Swindle . " And besides , shouldn 't we attack Megatron now ? What 's the use of a repair bay ? Either we win , or we get blown to little bits , and a repair bay won 't help us then . " " I used to be like that , " mused Rumble with a smile , " Those were the good old days . " He paused . " But lately , it seems that that the Decepticon cause is no longer what we fight for . We seem to be fighting for Megatron 's cause . And that 's not what I signed up for . " " More than you might think , " answered Octane . " Many even cling to some of the same ideals as you Autobots do . Honor , loyalty , peace , etc , but most would never defy Megatron . They would prefer to be his lackey rather than be destroyed . I can 't say I blame them . Sometimes I think that if Megatron was destroyed , or if someone would just speak out against him , that the Decepticon army would no longer support his war . " First Aid caught Frenzy throwing Octane a cold look , as if saying he 'd said too much . " But isn 't that what Skyquake 's been doing for years ? " he asked . " No . Skyquake wants to take over the army , and crush the Autobots . I 'd take a competent Megatron over an incompetent Skyquake any day , " replied Octane . " Like I said , there are Decepticons that believe in peace , " said Octane . They continued on in silence , but one of them was not thinking about what had been said , as much as he was thinking of his own continued existence . When they reached the base , Swindle went off by himself , and found the outpost 's communications building . It was time to hedge his bets . Daniel nodded and removed his shirt . Rodimus hadn 't realized how well constructed Danny 's prosthetics were . If he didn 't know they weren 't real , he 'd never have guessed otherwise . Hoist held Daniel 's arm in one hand and used a finger to touch his shoulder . He pulled and turned the arm slightly , and then the skin along his shoulder seemed to melt away , and the arm came loose , leaving the exposed circuitry protuding from his shoulder . " No . Mom and Dad thought it would be easier if I didn 't see it . They still treat me like I 'm just a kid , " he said , frustrated . " Give me a few minutes , Daniel , I should be able to come up with something . " He worked his controls for a few more minutes , and removed the arm when he was finished . He connected it back onto Daniel 's shoulder . The skin instantly grew back around it , concealing the robotics beneath . " It doesn 't feel any different , " replied Daniel . " Another long story , one that I won 't go into , so don 't ask . It was sometime after that that that Megatron reprogrammed us to serve him . " He shook his head , " We ended up betraying our good friend Omega Supreme then . After that , for millenia Omega relentlessly pursued us off the planet , and by the time Megatron left to destroy Optimus Prime four million years ago , almost all that was left of us was our personality components drifting on a derelict ship . Megatron found us when we finally crashed on Earth , and eventually he rebuilt us . " Optimus Prime , Springer , Blitzwing , and Onslaught had spent most of the day discussing possible strategies to use against Megatron . There was little they could really plan without reliable intelligence on the Decepticons . Skyfire , and the rest of the intelligence gathering team were due back any minute , however . Their base had been supplied , the defenses made ready , and the holo - shield activated . All that , and not one problem between any of the Autobots and Decepticons . Optimus Prime thought it was too good to be true , but everything seemed to be running smoothly . " Excellent , " said Optimus . A few moments later , and they had arrived . Noticeably absent were Ravage and Bumblebee . " Where are Ravage and Bumblebee ? " he asked . " I don 't know , " answered Skyfire , " They were to be my first pick - up point , but when I arrived , the tunnel entrance was crawling with Decepticons . So I continued on , until I picked up the rest of my group , and turned back for them . There was no sign of them . " Not Bumblebee , thought Optimus . They couldn 't have gotten him . But he couldn 't deal with his loss right now . It was imperative that they go over the intelligence that had been gathered . " How did this happen ? " bellowed Megatron . " How is it that you weren 't aware of this tunnel ? " Wolverine , Spyder , Thing , Cyclops and Soundwave stood before him . Megatron backhanded him , sending him into the wall , " Inexcusable ! " He turned to Soundwave , aware of Cyclops picking himself off the floor . " What is the condition of Jetstorm ? " " No , " said Spyder , " He survived . The Energon grenade he used didn 't completely detonate , the majority of the explosion hit Jetstorm . He had thrown the grenade into her face . He was lucky , his survival was a one in a million chance . " Megatron contemplated this , " Put him back together , Soundwave , so I can enjoy taking him apart piece by miserable piece . " Soundwave nodded and Megatron spoke again . " Mutanacons , leave us . " They quickly left . " Was he alone ? " he asked . Soundwave shook his head , " We don 't know . Jetstorm was the only one that saw them , since the guards couldn 't keep up with her , she was too fast . If there was another , he escaped . We did find residual Decepticon energy traces , but that may have been simply from our own troops . " " No , but it was probably destroyed in the explosion . " " Pray that it was , Soundwave , " said Megatron ominously . " And see to it that there are no further security breaches . " Nightbird to Megatron , respond please , " came her voice from his communicator . Hoist pressed some buttons on his control panel . Rodimus Prime watched as Daniel 's eyes fluttered shut . And soon as he was out , Hoist went to work . He removed Daniel 's arms and legs , and began incorporating his new designs into them , adjusting the implants meticulously . " That 's odd , " he mumbled to himself . " Well , someone had reprogrammed these implants . Although Doctor Hollas designed these limbs , First Aid and I aided in their design , adding Autobot technology . That 's why it has the skin that can sheath or unsheath as needed . It 's obvious someone has changed the programming . " " I don 't know . Whoever it was only need to be a good programmer . " After a half hour , he was done , and a few minutes later Daniel woke up . " How do you feel , Daniel ? " asked Rodimus . Hoist motioned them to follow him into the weapon 's range room , where all the Autobots tested their weapons after being designed or repaired . " Daniel , point your hands at that target , " he said . Daniel did as he was told . " Now , concentrate on firing your blasters . " Daniel concentrated . A second later , from his hands two blasts of energy streaked out , burning holes through the target . " Whoa , " came Daniel 's reply . " You 'll need a little practice , " said Hoist , " And you should be able to control which arm fires , and the intensity in no time . " Daniel nodded , pleased . " Now , Daniel , I also installed some anti - gravity units into your legs . You can control them the same way as your blasters . " Daniel concentrated on flying , and soon began to rise into the air , and Hoist again spoke , " Daniel , I want you to remember , these aren 't like jets . You can 't really fly . You won 't be able to get more than forty feet off the ground . If you try to go higher , they will not function , and you 'll fall . " " I understand Hoist . Thanks . " he said as he lowered himself to the floor . Hoist nodded , and Daniel and Rodimus left the repair bay . As they walked , Daniel looked up at Rodimus , " Thanks . " " My Mom and Dad told the doctors to limit the power output of my arms and legs to a normal kids ' strength . " He paused , almost afraid to tell , " Well , I 've been around computers a long time , long enough to learn a thing or two , and programming is my best subject in school . My Dad says I 'm alot like Chip Chase was with a computer . I reprogrammed my prosthetics to give me the maximum possible strength . " Daniel turned to the nearest wall in the hallway . As with most Cybertronian construction it was twelve inches of some of the strongest metal around . Daniel punched through it with his right arm , wincing slightly , barely noticable , but Rodimus spotted it . " That 's how strong , " as he pulled his arm out of the hole . " I hate to admit it , Optimus , but I 've got to agree with them on this , " said Springer . " We simply don 't have enough information to plan an attack . Let 's face it , we needed that information from the Decepticon 's mainframe . Without it , we won 't know what we 're walking into , and we definitely won 't know what we 're up against . It will be suicide . " Optimus hated to admit it , but he knew he was right . Bumblebee and Ravage were to gather the most important information , and without it , they were no better off than when they started . And they had lost two more of their group . " There is no point in dwelling on it further tonight , " said Optimus , wearily . " Why don 't you three go recharge ? " Springer and Onslaught nodded and left the room , but Blitwing had stayed behind . " Something I can do for you , Blitzwing ? " asked Optimus . " No , not really , " he said and then turned to leave . But then he stopped . " Actually , Optimus , there is something that you need to know . " " Yes ? " Beyond the cryptic references that the Cassetticons had gathered , he had heard of the First Circle , but not for millions of years . Not since before he was Optimus Prime . The First Circle was a legend known to Orion Pax . " If memory serves , the First Circle was a myth . I have not heard it mentioned since before Alpha Trion rebuilt me into Optimus Prime , from Orion Pax . " " They were more than a myth , Optimus , " said Blitzwing . " The First Circle was against the war . So when the Autobots defeated us in the last Great War , their hope was to build a new leader for the Decepticons , one who would prevent the beginning of a new one . They had the Constructicons build the body for this new leader , and his personality was carefully programmed . " " The result of the First Circle 's attempt was Megatron . Unfortunately , the first thing he did was kill almost every member of the First Circle . Every member , but three . " " What went wrong ? " Optimus asked , " How could Megatron have turned out so opposite to what you had intended him to be ? " " Megatron was programmed by an outsider . Someone we knew we could trust , so I know it wasn 't anything he did . The other surviving members were responsible . You see , we had a personality program written , which was to be merged with a life force , and he would become out new leader . The First Circle carefully and quietly had Vector Sigma build a lifeforce that we could merge with the program to ensure a being who would hold true to our ideals . Unfortunately , the lifeforce was corrupted . " As much as this news hit Optimus hard , at least one thing was now clear . He now knew why he was going to spare Megatron 's life that day in Autobot City . He knew why he wasn 't going to kill him . It was subconscious , but that had to be why . Megatron , like himself , was created by Alpha Trion . He was as much a father to Megatron as he was to himself . " Blitzwing , why are you telling me this ? " he asked . " The First Circle still exists , and many Decepticons are members . We meet in secret , and are very careful . " he paused , gathering his thoughts , " There are only a handful of them that know I lead the First Circle . Most members don 't even know that I am a member . Only when I was nearly destroyed by Skyquake and then repaired did I remember my true past . All the years of pretending to be one of Megatron 's loyal troops had damaged my cerebro - circuitry , the crazy stunts like crushing my enemies by falling from the sky in my tank mode . I think when the time comes , this could prove to be useful . " " I agree , " said Optimus . " Thank you , Blitzwing . This explains a great many things . " Blitzwing turned to leave , but Optimus stopped him . " Who were they ? The ones that altered the lifeforce ? " " I know who one of them was . It was Soundwave . The identity of the other , I don 't know . If I were to venture a guess , I 'd say Shockwave . But no one 's seen him since Unicron 's attack . He 's probably dead . Many members of the First Circle kept knowledge of their membersip to a minimum . Even as the leader of the First Circle , I do not know all of its members . I 'm not even sure if Soundwave knew who the other member was . " With that , Blitzwing left Optimus alone . He kept thinking about what Blitzwing had said . If Alpha Trion had created Megatron , then why didn 't he tell him ? Why hadn 't he warned him ? " Why , Alpha , why ? " he said to himself . At that moment , Optimus felt strange . All of a sudden , as if he were being willed to by another mind , he opened his chest compartment . The Autobot Matrix of Leadership floated out of his chest , and hovered before him for a moment . Then an image of Alpha Trion appeared . Though he had merged with Vector Sigma , Alpha Trion was still capable of linking to the Matrix through it , considering he once carried the Matrix himself . ~ Optimus Prime , I am sorry that I could not tell you the truth , ~ he replied . ~ For many years , Optimus , I carried the Matrix , while I waited for the one who would lead the Autobots to claim it . I helped the First Circle build a personality program thinking that perhaps the one I was constructing for them would be that leader . Even though the First Circle were Decepticons , they held the Autobot 's belief in peace . You already know what happened . ~ ~ After the Aerialbots brought Orion Pax to my lab , as I rebuilt you , I felt the Matrix call me , and knew then that you were the leader that was to bear the Matrix , ~ he explained . ~ I knew then , that your and Megatron 's futures would be invariably linked . I knew that one day it would come to pass that you would have to fight Megatron , and perhaps one day destroy him . ~ ~ Blitzwing said it well , you and Megatron are like brothers , but it goes beyond that . The program I wrote for the First Circle was merged with a corrupt lifeforce , which became Megatron . You are a merging of that same program , and the lifeforce of Orion Pax . In effect , you and Megatron come from the same program . You might almost be called twins . ~ This was almost more than Optimus could believe . Megatron was not only his brotherm but almost a twin . Millenia of war suddenly took on a whole new meaning . " Does Megatron know any of this ? " he asked . Rodimus sat in the command chair . Ultra Magnus , Arcee , Kup , and Blurr sat at various stations around the bridge . " Rodimus , what 's with Daniel ? As soon as he came aboard he said he was going to the ship 's target range , " asked Ultra Magnus . The alarms were sounding all over the base . Optimus and the others raced to the mouth of the cave . The proximity sensors had picked up something moving towards the base . The Autobots and Decepticons took up defensive positions . " No one fires until I say so , " ordered Optimus . He was trying to concentrate on what was happening , but his thoughts kept drifting back his conversations with Blitzwing and Alpha Trion . Suddenly , something emerged from the jungle foliage . " Ravage , " recognized Optimus . He ran from his position to where the Decepticon cat stood . Before he reached him , though , Ravage slumped to the ground . The others soon gathered around them . Ravage weakly told them about what happened . " After the explosion , I ran for the end of the tunnel . I . . . escaped just before the Decepticons located the entrance . I knew that . . . Skyfire would never be able to pick me up with the area full of them , and I could not . . . take the chance of flying . " " Perceptor , First Aid , get Ravage to the repair bay , he 's almost out of Energon . Springer , Onslaught , Blitzwing , and Skyquake with me . We need to see what they found out , " said Optimus . With that , the others went inside . Optimus lingered outside a moment . Bumblebee must have died , he could never have survived an explosion like that . Another name to add to the list of those he had sent to their death . Another friend gone . Bumblebee had probably taken some of them with him , and Jetstorm was probably dead as well . But that thought was no consolation to him . Meanwhile , in a dark recess of the cave , Swindle had made a decision . The data they now had made them a real danger to Megatron . He would be even more grateful to know their location now . Swindle sent off a signal from his communicator . Rodimus walked down the main corridor of Iacon - 1 towards the target range . They were halfway to Earth , and Daniel had been there the entire trip . Rodimus entered the room and watched Daiel as he fired at some targets . One by one , he hit each target dead on . It hadn 't taken him any time at all to master his blasters , and that worried Rodimus . " I 'm glad it 's all working so well . Why don 't you take a break ? " Rodimus sat down on the floor , and leaned against a wall . Daniel sat down next to him . " It was no accident , Rodimus , " blurted Daniel , angrily . " Megatron attacked the base , and he is responsible for what happened . " He started to calm down , " Rodimus , I want you to promise me something . " " I know , Rodimus . " He got up and headed back to the range . Rodimus stayed for a minute , shaking his head sadly , and then returned to the bridge . It didn 't seem like there was anything else he could say to Daniel . " Yes , " replied Blitzwing , " I think we may be able to use Megatron 's address of the troops to our advantage . . . " Before he could continue , however , the alarms began to sound . Optimus activated his communicator , " Hound , what 's going on ? " " We can 't worry about that now , " said Optimus , starting to push everyone into the tunnels . A moment later everyone except Blitzwing and Optimus and the Constructicons had started to move into the tunnel , except one . " Where 's Swindle ? " Optimus asked . " Let 's go , we can be gone before they defeat the automatic defenses , " said Optimus . As they moved deeper into the tunnel , he noticed that Constructicons had stopped , several meters behind them . " Scrapper , what are you doing ? " " We 're going to buy the rest of you some time to escape , " called Scrapper . Scrapper aimed his pistol at the cave ceiling , " Get going Optimus . We 'll hold them off . " He paused for a moment , and said , " Tell Omega Supreme we wished to have been able to apologize for our betrayal . " He fired , and ceiling collapsed , cutting them off . Optimus raised his arms to ward off the falling rubble , there was nothing he could do now . Would he now have to add Decepticon lives to his conscience ? He put the thought out of his mind , and started running after the others . A moment after the Constructicons had sealed off the tunnel , the Decepticons descended on the base . The automatic guns kicked in , but only held them off for a few minutes , soon they were all in smoking ruin . Then , Megatron , followed by Soundwave , and the remaining Mutanacons headed for the opening in to the cave , it 's holo - shield having been deactivated by Swindle . At that moment the Constructicons ran out of the cave . " Constructicons , unite ! " called Scrapper . A moment later , the mighty Devastator rose high above them . He raised his solar rifle at some of Megatron 's troops and fired a full charged blast , knocking seven of them off their feet , killing them . " Prepare for destruction , Megatron , " said Devastator , as he swung a massive fist at Megatron . Unfortunately , Megatron moved out of the way of the blow . Spyder , Wolverine , Thing and Cyclops fired several searing blasts at the giant , who was unable to maintain his balance under the barrage . He fell his back , and separated into his six component parts . It was soon over quickly as the Mutanacons dealt death to the Constructicons one by one , until only Scrapper remained . " Decepticons , after them . Soundwave , stay with me . " The Mutanacons , followed by the twenty - three remaining Decepticon warriors entered the cave . " So , Megatron , I 'm happy I could help you out , " said Swindle as he approached Megatron and Soundwave . " Of course it is , " answered Megatron . He walked over to Swindle and placed a hand on his shoulder . " You 've done well Swindle , and you 're going to get exactly what you deserve . " Megatron placed his hands around Swindle 's neck and began to squeeze , lifting him off the ground . " Megat . . . pleas . . . " begged Swindle , but this time it wouldn 't do any good . Megatron squeezed tighter , until the neckplates collapsed , and Megatron held Swindle 's head in his hands . He looked at it amused , and then dropped it , stepping on it . It crackled with energy , and hissed as it was crushed . Originally posted by Unicron I know , Im just saying that the way its written , that it seems like Megatron is choking the life out of Swindle . But he was , wasn 't he ? Yesssss . . . Optimus Prime Now , I 'm no expert . but I watched the cartoons , read the comics , watched the movie and loved the toys . I 'm a minor Transformers fan . And I 'm . . .
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Welcome to the SciFlicks SQUAD ! Forums . You are currently viewing our community boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions , articles and access our other FREE features . By joining our free and open - minded sci - fi community you will be able to start and reply to forum discussions , write movie reviews , communicate privately with other members ( PM ) , respond to polls and access many other special features . Registration is fast , simple and absolutely free so please , join our community today ! If you have any problems with the registration process or with your account please contact support here . " I can 't believe we 're taking orders from Optimus Prime , " grumbled Swindle . " And besides , shouldn 't we attack Megatron now ? What 's the use of a repair bay ? Either we win , or we get blown to little bits , and a repair bay won 't help us then . " " I used to be like that , " mused Rumble with a smile , " Those were the good old days . " He paused . " But lately , it seems that that the Decepticon cause is no longer what we fight for . We seem to be fighting for Megatron 's cause . And that 's not what I signed up for . " " More than you might think , " answered Octane . " Many even cling to some of the same ideals as you Autobots do . Honor , loyalty , peace , etc , but most would never defy Megatron . They would prefer to be his lackey rather than be destroyed . I can 't say I blame them . Sometimes I think that if Megatron was destroyed , or if someone would just speak out against him , that the Decepticon army would no longer support his war . " First Aid caught Frenzy throwing Octane a cold look , as if saying he 'd said too much . " But isn 't that what Skyquake 's been doing for years ? " he asked . " No . Skyquake wants to take over the army , and crush the Autobots . I 'd take a competent Megatron over an incompetent Skyquake any day , " replied Octane . " Like I said , there are Decepticons that believe in peace , " said Octane . They continued on in silence , but one of them was not thinking about what had been said , as much as he was thinking of his own continued existence . When they reached the base , Swindle went off by himself , and found the outpost 's communications building . It was time to hedge his bets . Daniel nodded and removed his shirt . Rodimus hadn 't realized how well constructed Danny 's prosthetics were . If he didn 't know they weren 't real , he 'd never have guessed otherwise . Hoist held Daniel 's arm in one hand and used a finger to touch his shoulder . He pulled and turned the arm slightly , and then the skin along his shoulder seemed to melt away , and the arm came loose , leaving the exposed circuitry protuding from his shoulder . " No . Mom and Dad thought it would be easier if I didn 't see it . They still treat me like I 'm just a kid , " he said , frustrated . " Give me a few minutes , Daniel , I should be able to come up with something . " He worked his controls for a few more minutes , and removed the arm when he was finished . He connected it back onto Daniel 's shoulder . The skin instantly grew back around it , concealing the robotics beneath . " It doesn 't feel any different , " replied Daniel . " Another long story , one that I won 't go into , so don 't ask . It was sometime after that that that Megatron reprogrammed us to serve him . " He shook his head , " We ended up betraying our good friend Omega Supreme then . After that , for millenia Omega relentlessly pursued us off the planet , and by the time Megatron left to destroy Optimus Prime four million years ago , almost all that was left of us was our personality components drifting on a derelict ship . Megatron found us when we finally crashed on Earth , and eventually he rebuilt us . " Optimus Prime , Springer , Blitzwing , and Onslaught had spent most of the day discussing possible strategies to use against Megatron . There was little they could really plan without reliable intelligence on the Decepticons . Skyfire , and the rest of the intelligence gathering team were due back any minute , however . Their base had been supplied , the defenses made ready , and the holo - shield activated . All that , and not one problem between any of the Autobots and Decepticons . Optimus Prime thought it was too good to be true , but everything seemed to be running smoothly . " Excellent , " said Optimus . A few moments later , and they had arrived . Noticeably absent were Ravage and Bumblebee . " Where are Ravage and Bumblebee ? " he asked . " I don 't know , " answered Skyfire , " They were to be my first pick - up point , but when I arrived , the tunnel entrance was crawling with Decepticons . So I continued on , until I picked up the rest of my group , and turned back for them . There was no sign of them . " Not Bumblebee , thought Optimus . They couldn 't have gotten him . But he couldn 't deal with his loss right now . It was imperative that they go over the intelligence that had been gathered . " How did this happen ? " bellowed Megatron . " How is it that you weren 't aware of this tunnel ? " Wolverine , Spyder , Thing , Cyclops and Soundwave stood before him . Megatron backhanded him , sending him into the wall , " Inexcusable ! " He turned to Soundwave , aware of Cyclops picking himself off the floor . " What is the condition of Jetstorm ? " " No , " said Spyder , " He survived . The Energon grenade he used didn 't completely detonate , the majority of the explosion hit Jetstorm . He had thrown the grenade into her face . He was lucky , his survival was a one in a million chance . " Megatron contemplated this , " Put him back together , Soundwave , so I can enjoy taking him apart piece by miserable piece . " Soundwave nodded and Megatron spoke again . " Mutanacons , leave us . " They quickly left . " Was he alone ? " he asked . Soundwave shook his head , " We don 't know . Jetstorm was the only one that saw them , since the guards couldn 't keep up with her , she was too fast . If there was another , he escaped . We did find residual Decepticon energy traces , but that may have been simply from our own troops . " " No , but it was probably destroyed in the explosion . " " Pray that it was , Soundwave , " said Megatron ominously . " And see to it that there are no further security breaches . " Nightbird to Megatron , respond please , " came her voice from his communicator . Hoist pressed some buttons on his control panel . Rodimus Prime watched as Daniel 's eyes fluttered shut . And soon as he was out , Hoist went to work . He removed Daniel 's arms and legs , and began incorporating his new designs into them , adjusting the implants meticulously . " That 's odd , " he mumbled to himself . " Well , someone had reprogrammed these implants . Although Doctor Hollas designed these limbs , First Aid and I aided in their design , adding Autobot technology . That 's why it has the skin that can sheath or unsheath as needed . It 's obvious someone has changed the programming . " " I don 't know . Whoever it was only need to be a good programmer . " After a half hour , he was done , and a few minutes later Daniel woke up . " How do you feel , Daniel ? " asked Rodimus . Hoist motioned them to follow him into the weapon 's range room , where all the Autobots tested their weapons after being designed or repaired . " Daniel , point your hands at that target , " he said . Daniel did as he was told . " Now , concentrate on firing your blasters . " Daniel concentrated . A second later , from his hands two blasts of energy streaked out , burning holes through the target . " Whoa , " came Daniel 's reply . " You 'll need a little practice , " said Hoist , " And you should be able to control which arm fires , and the intensity in no time . " Daniel nodded , pleased . " Now , Daniel , I also installed some anti - gravity units into your legs . You can control them the same way as your blasters . " Daniel concentrated on flying , and soon began to rise into the air , and Hoist again spoke , " Daniel , I want you to remember , these aren 't like jets . You can 't really fly . You won 't be able to get more than forty feet off the ground . If you try to go higher , they will not function , and you 'll fall . " " I understand Hoist . Thanks . " he said as he lowered himself to the floor . Hoist nodded , and Daniel and Rodimus left the repair bay . As they walked , Daniel looked up at Rodimus , " Thanks . " " My Mom and Dad told the doctors to limit the power output of my arms and legs to a normal kids ' strength . " He paused , almost afraid to tell , " Well , I 've been around computers a long time , long enough to learn a thing or two , and programming is my best subject in school . My Dad says I 'm alot like Chip Chase was with a computer . I reprogrammed my prosthetics to give me the maximum possible strength . " Daniel turned to the nearest wall in the hallway . As with most Cybertronian construction it was twelve inches of some of the strongest metal around . Daniel punched through it with his right arm , wincing slightly , barely noticable , but Rodimus spotted it . " That 's how strong , " as he pulled his arm out of the hole . " I hate to admit it , Optimus , but I 've got to agree with them on this , " said Springer . " We simply don 't have enough information to plan an attack . Let 's face it , we needed that information from the Decepticon 's mainframe . Without it , we won 't know what we 're walking into , and we definitely won 't know what we 're up against . It will be suicide . " Optimus hated to admit it , but he knew he was right . Bumblebee and Ravage were to gather the most important information , and without it , they were no better off than when they started . And they had lost two more of their group . " There is no point in dwelling on it further tonight , " said Optimus , wearily . " Why don 't you three go recharge ? " Springer and Onslaught nodded and left the room , but Blitwing had stayed behind . " Something I can do for you , Blitzwing ? " asked Optimus . " No , not really , " he said and then turned to leave . But then he stopped . " Actually , Optimus , there is something that you need to know . " " Yes ? " Beyond the cryptic references that the Cassetticons had gathered , he had heard of the First Circle , but not for millions of years . Not since before he was Optimus Prime . The First Circle was a legend known to Orion Pax . " If memory serves , the First Circle was a myth . I have not heard it mentioned since before Alpha Trion rebuilt me into Optimus Prime , from Orion Pax . " " They were more than a myth , Optimus , " said Blitzwing . " The First Circle was against the war . So when the Autobots defeated us in the last Great War , their hope was to build a new leader for the Decepticons , one who would prevent the beginning of a new one . They had the Constructicons build the body for this new leader , and his personality was carefully programmed . " " The result of the First Circle 's attempt was Megatron . Unfortunately , the first thing he did was kill almost every member of the First Circle . Every member , but three . " " What went wrong ? " Optimus asked , " How could Megatron have turned out so opposite to what you had intended him to be ? " " Megatron was programmed by an outsider . Someone we knew we could trust , so I know it wasn 't anything he did . The other surviving members were responsible . You see , we had a personality program written , which was to be merged with a life force , and he would become out new leader . The First Circle carefully and quietly had Vector Sigma build a lifeforce that we could merge with the program to ensure a being who would hold true to our ideals . Unfortunately , the lifeforce was corrupted . " As much as this news hit Optimus hard , at least one thing was now clear . He now knew why he was going to spare Megatron 's life that day in Autobot City . He knew why he wasn 't going to kill him . It was subconscious , but that had to be why . Megatron , like himself , was created by Alpha Trion . He was as much a father to Megatron as he was to himself . " Blitzwing , why are you telling me this ? " he asked . " The First Circle still exists , and many Decepticons are members . We meet in secret , and are very careful . " he paused , gathering his thoughts , " There are only a handful of them that know I lead the First Circle . Most members don 't even know that I am a member . Only when I was nearly destroyed by Skyquake and then repaired did I remember my true past . All the years of pretending to be one of Megatron 's loyal troops had damaged my cerebro - circuitry , the crazy stunts like crushing my enemies by falling from the sky in my tank mode . I think when the time comes , this could prove to be useful . " " I agree , " said Optimus . " Thank you , Blitzwing . This explains a great many things . " Blitzwing turned to leave , but Optimus stopped him . " Who were they ? The ones that altered the lifeforce ? " " I know who one of them was . It was Soundwave . The identity of the other , I don 't know . If I were to venture a guess , I 'd say Shockwave . But no one 's seen him since Unicron 's attack . He 's probably dead . Many members of the First Circle kept knowledge of their membersip to a minimum . Even as the leader of the First Circle , I do not know all of its members . I 'm not even sure if Soundwave knew who the other member was . " With that , Blitzwing left Optimus alone . He kept thinking about what Blitzwing had said . If Alpha Trion had created Megatron , then why didn 't he tell him ? Why hadn 't he warned him ? " Why , Alpha , why ? " he said to himself . At that moment , Optimus felt strange . All of a sudden , as if he were being willed to by another mind , he opened his chest compartment . The Autobot Matrix of Leadership floated out of his chest , and hovered before him for a moment . Then an image of Alpha Trion appeared . Though he had merged with Vector Sigma , Alpha Trion was still capable of linking to the Matrix through it , considering he once carried the Matrix himself . ~ Optimus Prime , I am sorry that I could not tell you the truth , ~ he replied . ~ For many years , Optimus , I carried the Matrix , while I waited for the one who would lead the Autobots to claim it . I helped the First Circle build a personality program thinking that perhaps the one I was constructing for them would be that leader . Even though the First Circle were Decepticons , they held the Autobot 's belief in peace . You already know what happened . ~ ~ After the Aerialbots brought Orion Pax to my lab , as I rebuilt you , I felt the Matrix call me , and knew then that you were the leader that was to bear the Matrix , ~ he explained . ~ I knew then , that your and Megatron 's futures would be invariably linked . I knew that one day it would come to pass that you would have to fight Megatron , and perhaps one day destroy him . ~ ~ Blitzwing said it well , you and Megatron are like brothers , but it goes beyond that . The program I wrote for the First Circle was merged with a corrupt lifeforce , which became Megatron . You are a merging of that same program , and the lifeforce of Orion Pax . In effect , you and Megatron come from the same program . You might almost be called twins . ~ This was almost more than Optimus could believe . Megatron was not only his brotherm but almost a twin . Millenia of war suddenly took on a whole new meaning . " Does Megatron know any of this ? " he asked . Rodimus sat in the command chair . Ultra Magnus , Arcee , Kup , and Blurr sat at various stations around the bridge . " Rodimus , what 's with Daniel ? As soon as he came aboard he said he was going to the ship 's target range , " asked Ultra Magnus . The alarms were sounding all over the base . Optimus and the others raced to the mouth of the cave . The proximity sensors had picked up something moving towards the base . The Autobots and Decepticons took up defensive positions . " No one fires until I say so , " ordered Optimus . He was trying to concentrate on what was happening , but his thoughts kept drifting back his conversations with Blitzwing and Alpha Trion . Suddenly , something emerged from the jungle foliage . " Ravage , " recognized Optimus . He ran from his position to where the Decepticon cat stood . Before he reached him , though , Ravage slumped to the ground . The others soon gathered around them . Ravage weakly told them about what happened . " After the explosion , I ran for the end of the tunnel . I . . . escaped just before the Decepticons located the entrance . I knew that . . . Skyfire would never be able to pick me up with the area full of them , and I could not . . . take the chance of flying . " " Perceptor , First Aid , get Ravage to the repair bay , he 's almost out of Energon . Springer , Onslaught , Blitzwing , and Skyquake with me . We need to see what they found out , " said Optimus . With that , the others went inside . Optimus lingered outside a moment . Bumblebee must have died , he could never have survived an explosion like that . Another name to add to the list of those he had sent to their death . Another friend gone . Bumblebee had probably taken some of them with him , and Jetstorm was probably dead as well . But that thought was no consolation to him . Meanwhile , in a dark recess of the cave , Swindle had made a decision . The data they now had made them a real danger to Megatron . He would be even more grateful to know their location now . Swindle sent off a signal from his communicator . Rodimus walked down the main corridor of Iacon - 1 towards the target range . They were halfway to Earth , and Daniel had been there the entire trip . Rodimus entered the room and watched Daiel as he fired at some targets . One by one , he hit each target dead on . It hadn 't taken him any time at all to master his blasters , and that worried Rodimus . " I 'm glad it 's all working so well . Why don 't you take a break ? " Rodimus sat down on the floor , and leaned against a wall . Daniel sat down next to him . " It was no accident , Rodimus , " blurted Daniel , angrily . " Megatron attacked the base , and he is responsible for what happened . " He started to calm down , " Rodimus , I want you to promise me something . " " I know , Rodimus . " He got up and headed back to the range . Rodimus stayed for a minute , shaking his head sadly , and then returned to the bridge . It didn 't seem like there was anything else he could say to Daniel . " Yes , " replied Blitzwing , " I think we may be able to use Megatron 's address of the troops to our advantage . . . " Before he could continue , however , the alarms began to sound . Optimus activated his communicator , " Hound , what 's going on ? " " We can 't worry about that now , " said Optimus , starting to push everyone into the tunnels . A moment later everyone except Blitzwing and Optimus and the Constructicons had started to move into the tunnel , except one . " Where 's Swindle ? " Optimus asked . " Let 's go , we can be gone before they defeat the automatic defenses , " said Optimus . As they moved deeper into the tunnel , he noticed that Constructicons had stopped , several meters behind them . " Scrapper , what are you doing ? " " We 're going to buy the rest of you some time to escape , " called Scrapper . Scrapper aimed his pistol at the cave ceiling , " Get going Optimus . We 'll hold them off . " He paused for a moment , and said , " Tell Omega Supreme we wished to have been able to apologize for our betrayal . " He fired , and ceiling collapsed , cutting them off . Optimus raised his arms to ward off the falling rubble , there was nothing he could do now . Would he now have to add Decepticon lives to his conscience ? He put the thought out of his mind , and started running after the others . A moment after the Constructicons had sealed off the tunnel , the Decepticons descended on the base . The automatic guns kicked in , but only held them off for a few minutes , soon they were all in smoking ruin . Then , Megatron , followed by Soundwave , and the remaining Mutanacons headed for the opening in to the cave , it 's holo - shield having been deactivated by Swindle . At that moment the Constructicons ran out of the cave . " Constructicons , unite ! " called Scrapper . A moment later , the mighty Devastator rose high above them . He raised his solar rifle at some of Megatron 's troops and fired a full charged blast , knocking seven of them off their feet , killing them . " Prepare for destruction , Megatron , " said Devastator , as he swung a massive fist at Megatron . Unfortunately , Megatron moved out of the way of the blow . Spyder , Wolverine , Thing and Cyclops fired several searing blasts at the giant , who was unable to maintain his balance under the barrage . He fell his back , and separated into his six component parts . It was soon over quickly as the Mutanacons dealt death to the Constructicons one by one , until only Scrapper remained . " Decepticons , after them . Soundwave , stay with me . " The Mutanacons , followed by the twenty - three remaining Decepticon warriors entered the cave . " So , Megatron , I 'm happy I could help you out , " said Swindle as he approached Megatron and Soundwave . " Of course it is , " answered Megatron . He walked over to Swindle and placed a hand on his shoulder . " You 've done well Swindle , and you 're going to get exactly what you deserve . " Megatron placed his hands around Swindle 's neck and began to squeeze , lifting him off the ground . " Megat . . . pleas . . . " begged Swindle , but this time it wouldn 't do any good . Megatron squeezed tighter , until the neckplates collapsed , and Megatron held Swindle 's head in his hands . He looked at it amused , and then dropped it , stepping on it . It crackled with energy , and hissed as it was crushed . Originally posted by Unicron I know , Im just saying that the way its written , that it seems like Megatron is choking the life out of Swindle . But he was , wasn 't he ? Yesssss . . . Optimus Prime Now , I 'm no expert . but I watched the cartoons , read the comics , watched the movie and loved the toys . I 'm a minor Transformers fan . And I 'm . . .
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I spoke with my mother - in - law , Armorel , tonight . She told me , " I feel sad tonight , somehow . " And that 's exactly how I feel tonight , just sad somehow . To set the record straight , Armorel is not my mother - in - law any longer . Twelve years ago I gave up any official , legal status as one of her family members when I was divorced from her son . It was a painful break - up , hers and mine , for we had seemed to share a mutual understanding about life . At times the break - up seemed even more painful than his and mine . I have missed Armorel in my life , the way she once was . I miss the bond I thought we had . But divorce can break families in unexpected ways and the lines of communication are not smooth or open . This weekend Armorel moved to an assisted - living residence . She is 96 years old , and until now , has pretty much lived an independent life . Armorel only just gave up her car at 94 , with more than a little reluctance and feistiness . In fact Armorel has lived a mostly independent life , at times having to be fiercely independent . When she was 18 , Armorel left a small fishing village in Newfoundland to join other hard - working " Newfs " in Chelsea , Mass . She married at 28 , and by 35 was the sole support of her family with two young children , her husband gravely ill with brain cancer . At 46 Armorel 's children left for college , and her home was empty . At 63 she married again but had just three sweet , short , years with her second love . But tonight 's phone call was challenging . It was our first conversation with Armorel since she moved to her new home , her assisted - living residence . My daughter spoke to her first and looked concerned mouthing , " she 's very sad . " As I took the phone to speak , Armorel 's wavering , deeply sad voice said to me , " Oh , Sarah . " She didn 't need to say more . And it was at that moment that I recognized the bond we 'll share forever . It 's a bond known only by the heart and not by divorce decrees . I knew exactly what she meant by " Oh , Sarah " and what it said of where she was right now and where she has been in the past and what she has thought about … because I know Armorel . I truly know her despite those in - between hurt spaces of our lives . I know and love all the family stories about Armorel and her sisters , a time so long ago . And I remember the wonderful times in our lives together in the not so distant past . " Oh , Sarah " she said with such great wistfulness , and I welled up . There was so much to say and so little that would change things . Armorel knew that I understood what she meant . " I 'm so sorry Armorel , " I replied . " I know I 'll get to like it , " she offered . " I know you will , " I encouraged . We both got quiet . And there was peace in that moment of quiet , a reflective space . We understood . We have a bond . We weren 't just talking about her new living arrangement but about this stage in her life . It 's such a terribly bittersweet stage , but a stage you only face if you 've been gifted a very long life . Armorel will , I am sure , live it with grace . By Sarah I am writing , writing on a train . The train is taking me on a journey from New Haven , Connecticut to Williamsburg , Virginia . But actually , it is taking me farther than that . It 's taking me and my daughter to a new time in our lives . You might be able to tell that I 've been on the train for a while now , with abundant time to think and reflect . Most of the time I drive or fly . I rarely take trains or so I thought until today . Today , as my train began stopping at train stations along the way , I was surprised to remember that I have more than a passing acquaintance with several Northeast Corridor train stations . In fact some I know quite personally , and unexpectedly , they have played a supporting role in various transitions in my life . Let 's start where my journey began today , Union Station , New Haven . I 'm familiar with Union Station not for my leaving or going but for my daughter , LB , leaving or going when she lived in New York City . LB moved to New York City soon after graduating college . Like so many newly minted graduates it was her dream to live in a big city . LB 's first big move after college marked her transition to independent adulthood and to my nest being officially empty . My home was only full again when she chose to return for a visit . I would look forward with great anticipation to the occasional Friday evening when I could pick her up from Union Station to bring her home for a cherished weekend visit . And I would always be distressed on the following Monday morning when very early I would have to rush her back to Union Station so that we could both make it to work on time . Monday mornings always came too quickly when LB was visiting from the city . A few hours out of New Haven , my train stopped at Penn Station in New York City . It triggered a memory of my own trip back home to New Jersey as a young adult on college break . Rather inexplicably , my college career began in Missouri , and my first trip back East was for winter break . To save my hard - earned student money ( I washed dishes at college ) , I traveled by train from St . Louis to New York City . It was a memorable trip , really , truly memorable . It included a blizzard so severe that for 10 hours the train was stranded on snow - covered tracks in the middle of some Midwestern plain . Not moving , without power and heat , the train soon became a party with fellow travelers sharing packed lunches , drink , laughter , sweaters , pillows and life stories . On that train ride , I met a young poet from England who had taken the train from California across the country . He was studying here on a fellowship and had started the journey seeking artistic inspiration . The poet was certainly rewarded and perhaps , might I add , with a little poetic justice . In fact we all were . The trip was made special by close camaraderie sparked by a freezing cold train stuck in the snow . This journey marked the beginning of my own independent life from home and was just the start of many unexpected life journeys to follow . Newark 's Pennsylvania Station was the next major stop today . I grew up a very short train ride from Newark . My mother didn 't drive until I was in 7th grade ( can you believe that ? ) , so when I was in elementary and junior high school , Newark was the place to shop for school clothes if you weren 't going into New York City . At that time , Newark had a number of major department stores and many independent shops . In 7th grade on one of those shopping trips , I bought a pair of chunky high - heel type loafers . My mother thought they were terribly ugly . I thought they were great ! That train trip began my foray into making independent choices that were often not parent - approved . Ah Trenton . It 's certainly not a pretty station , and I say that kindly . There is no architecturally significant reason to visit Trenton 's Transit Station . My apologies Trenton , but you know it 's true . The station 's cold , modern appearance mirrors my own experience there , a romantic break - up . By now I don 't remember the exact cause of the break - up that day on the train platform , but it happened . Right there . Was it that I couldn 't commit ? Was it that he couldn 't wait ? Did we live too far apart ? Or were we just too different ? I remember crying cold hard tears on that train platform . And today the platform looked just as cold as I remembered . Philadelphia . I love Philadelphia . I felt young and beautiful in Philadelphia . In the city of Brotherly Love , I felt loved . It is also is where I was married . Philadelphia ' 30th Street Station is a beautiful station . It 's as grand as Grand Central and as stately as Washington 's Union Station . I may be biased . From its platform , I greeted more than one love and it was a gateway to my arriving and leaving that city . Sometimes I am sad that I ever left , that I ever got on that train platform to leave . I will always have a fondness for Philly . Wilmington Train Station is next . My memory of the Wilmington Train Station is vague . I believe it 's a brick sort of building . I have both arrived and left from that train station . Most likely my vague memory of Wilmington Train Station is due to the fact that I was going through a divorce when I took a train there . I had traveled to visit my mother looking for familial support . My daughter , my only child , was in Greece for a semester abroad . My friends were all married , some happy . . . some not . But it was difficult for them to understand what I was going through , the restarting of a single life . My mother tried her best to be helpful , but she was not . I learned on that trip that it really is a single journey , the journey back to single life . Union Station Washington D . C . I first arrived there on a Metroliner from Philadelphia . My future husband had splurged on a Metroliner ticket so that I could visit him , in style . He was no longer living in Philadelphia and so for several months before we wed , we only saw each other when we visited each other by train . My Metroliner ride was a one - time experience , and I still remember it . I traveled in a club chair that swiveled and viewed scenery along the way from over - sized picture windows . It was a comfortable and wonderful trip , and I thank my now ex - husband for a lovely day of train travel . Williamsburg Train Station will be my last stop today . And it will likely be both my first and last visit to that station . I have traveled with my daughter to help her pack up and move back to Connecticut . She is pregnant . We are both starting new journeys with great anticipation , she as a mother and I as a grandmother . - Trying a Healing Touch treatment offered by the hospital chaplain ( My Dad was a 1940 's veteran , not a " new age " type of fellow ) , he commented afterwards " That was Wonderful ! " When the chaplain responded " You 're glowing " , he said " Really ? I haven 't been glowing much these days . " - Joking and laughing with the nurses , he liked that they appreciated his wry sense of humor . Speaking of his sister , he said it annoyed him when she sat on his hospital bed without asking . He observed … " She sits on my bed and holds court like Grace Kelly ! " - Lying so still and calm in his bed with his hands folded in prayer position , I often thought he was asleep when he was not . If I would get up to leave the room at these times , he would suddenly open his eyes and say " Just sit with me … " I think he wanted that peaceful protection of someone you trust watching guard while you rest . By Sarah I have a quote from Rumi posted near my desk at work . It helps me find my center each morning . And , it reminds me of the purpose of each day . Yesterday , I helped a work acquaintance with the simplest of gestures , a ride back to a restaurant where she had forgotten her wallet . In doing so I learned that she 'd been upset about more than just forgetting her wallet . We chatted , commiserated , laughed and rejoined our work colleagues who were going to see a movie . I have been offered lamps , lifeboats and ladders . The kindness of others has taught me about reaching out . But here 's the thing , being a ladder for someone else , lifts your heart as well … . in an instant . In a moment , everything before me turned in to visual waves . The curtains , the TV , the rug became flowing linear lines that shimmered like waves on a Spectrograph . I asked MT if she saw it . " What ? See what ? " she said . The movement suddenly changed . I revised and asked MT if she felt it . MT paused and our eyes met . Her look of concern acknowledged that something was not quite right . We both waited to see what would happen next . The motion intensified and then suddenly stopped . We quickly and reassuringly dismissed it , " Maybe , the neighbor was playing music with the bass too high " . But the dismissal did not fit . My cell phone started ringing . It was my daughter from Virginia calling . " Did you feel the Earthquake up there ? " she said , " It rocked our office building , but everyone is all right . " Fear and relief claimed my consciousness at the same time . An Earthquake . All was well but could have been worse . The little boy we were assessing suddenly began to cry . His response to the environmental shift was pure and unedited . MT reached for her phone and called her mother to check on her son . We left the visit a bit shaky feeling decidedly off - balance . We called the office and family and friends . It was jarring to learn that some people had not felt the quake at all . That Tuesday evening , I remained uneasy and unsettled by my earthquake experience . I was unable to roll with the events of the day . I thought about the distance that separates me from my daughter especially when thinking about what might 've happened . Other recent earthquakes kept coming to mind . My daughter had known a college friend living in Japan when the quake hit there . Mostly , I thought about Fate and how it sets people together or apart at critical moments in life . For the most part , we don 't get to choose . I wondered , what if this afternoon had been the last of my life . I considered my company at the time of the quake , MT and a 2 - year - old toddler named NG . MT is gifted at being a teacher , a mother and my friend . We most always enjoy the toddlers and the families we visit . Today had been no exception . NG had made his silly " Thinker " face . His favorite since it always makes the grownups laugh . MT and I smile and laugh and sing with our students . We really do have some pretty fine play skills . That thought made me smile as did the next . . . It would have been okay with me to leave this plane in such fine company . Memories , especially as I get older , make the holiday season more bittersweet , but I 'm fine with that . It shifts the focus of the holidays and the New Year to an appreciation for the people and positive events in my life , both past and present . After this season 's reflection , I 've decided to write a New Year 's " message in a bottle " to one of my cherished memories . In the 1970 's , I was a live - in au pair to a well - heeled Manhattan couple and their 10 - year old daughter , Lauren . I was twenty , attending a well - known secretarial school and taking singing and dancing classes on the side . My goal was to finish secretarial school so that I would have a way of supporting myself while pursuing a career in acting . Naively , I thought I could take on the New York City challenge … " if you can make it here , you can make it anywhere " . I also fondly recall the many hours of laughter Lauren and I shared . Discussions centered around her experiences of 5th grade drama and friendship politics and , of course , debates with her mother about fashion choices . ( no dresses please ! ) I think I gave some pretty good advice , but as anyone who has worked with children knows , I also got some pretty good advice about my own life . After completing my au pair year and secretarial school , I left Manhattan and my acting dreams behind . I moved to another city with a slower pace that was a better match to my personality . My goals and life focus had changed . Indeed , I had learned a lot during my stay in NYC . I learned , like many twenty - somethings , that if you don 't make it in NYC you can still make it anywhere . More importantly , I learned the value of being true to who you innately are … . perhaps , that 's the goal in this life . Later in my twenties when I had my own daughter . . . named Lauren . I hoped my own Lauren would the have the same qualities of strength , inquisitiveness and caring as Lauren E . , and , of course , she does . Hope so often creates reality . I lost touch with my au pair family several years after my employment ended . But I have carried hopes and dreams for Lauren E . in my heart for over 30 years . Many thoughts of good wishes have been sent to her through the years . I hope they have added to an already happy life . My young charge is now a grown woman . In this age of social media it might be possible to reconnect , but I am not sure I wish to intrude . So , instead , I am sending this " message in a bottle " to Lauren E . . . may it find its way to you wherever you may be in this New Year . You , like my own daughter , will stay in my thoughts and prayers forever . I am an unknown cheerleader in your life . I send hope and good wishes that life is well with you ! Namaste ! By Sarah I always get a thrill driving across the George Washington Bridge , especially at night . This particular crossing was a Friday in early October , just last month . It had taken me quite a while to even get near the George Washington . Stuck in traffic for an hour on I95 , the weather changed from clear to rainy as I neared the bridge . The infamously polite New York drivers made the approach to the bridge even more challenging when construction required a lane merge . Limos , trucks and huge SUVs claimed their status on the road , overtaking more humble vehicles like my own . After all , it was Friday night so city - driving rules applied in this teaming traffic tie - up . With seven more hours of driving before me I was , quite frankly , quickly losing my Zen . I took a deep breath in and a deep breath out . Breathe in calm ; breathe out tension . This didn 't help a whole lot . I took a breath mint . That didn 't help either . Traffic was still not moving at all . I called on Reiki spirit , on the power of light & love , and I started to feel better . And then , my lane starting moving . Finally , finally , I was on the George Washington Bridge … but more than that … the bridge 's spans were lit in Purple colored lights ! How beautiful the bridge looked in the rain . How absolutely unexpected and amazing . I captured it in a photo . What did it mean , I wondered , these Purple colored lights ? And then my mind turned to late September and the tragic death of Tyler Clementi , the Rutgers ' student who had taken his life on the bridge ; these Purple lights must be a tribute to him . How wonderful , I thought , society is surely changing when acknowledgement of such a senseless loss could be honored in such a public display . How beautiful those Purple lights looked to me . My Zen feeling was back . It seemed to me in that moment , that tolerance for differences , as well as intolerance for persecution of those differences , were true possibilities . I drove across the George Washington with a pretty good high . I drove across the George Washington with loss and sadness for a young man 's life and his parents ' grief . The Yin always with the Yang . Of course , my story does not end there . After crossing the Bridge , I headed south and exited at a rest stop . I sent my daughter the photo I had taken and texted her how touched and amazed I was by the Purple " memorial lights " on the George Washington Bridge . She quickly texted me back …… " the lights are Pink , it 's Breast Cancer Awareness month " . …… I sighed . …… I reflected . Pretty awesome Pink lights , I thought ! We 've come a long way to get Pink lights on the George Washington Bridge . Society just needs to go a little further to have Purple lights on the George Washington Bridge . By Sarah The transition from summer to fall has always been a difficult one for me . I mourn the loss of summer 's gifts . Beach weather , bare feet in sandals , berry picking with friends , billowy linen shirts , blooming flowers and long summer evenings are all greatly missed . And I am especially wistful when a walk to the town green finds my favorite fountain turned off till next spring . I don 't mean to whine or complain . My Fall blues do not last . And it 's not that I don 't recognize the lovely gifts of Fall , my daughter was born in the Fall . In fact once Fall is in full swing … . right about now … . . I start to really enjoy the season . Most people enjoy the Fall in its full parade of color . But I start to enjoy it when the colors are more yellow than red and when there are more leaves on the ground than on the trees . It 's then that I can view the beautiful and amazing architecture of trees . In kindergarten my daughter described it as seeing the " bones of the tree " . I couldn 't have said it better . All day today I kept noticing how beautiful the trees were looking . In New England the trees have shed most of their more flashy Fall wardrobe . However , the sun sitting low in the early evening sky highlights their late - Fall charms . By Sarah I love this time of year , not for the long , hot steamy days , but for the long , cooler fragrant evenings . While a beautiful summer day is glorious , the potential for a magical summer evening makes the beauty of that day linger even longer . Some days , especially summer work days , I long for the evening when I will be free to enjoy the delights of the evening . Certainly , everyone has different ideas on how to enjoy a summer evening , but here are my suggestions for some good " Night Moves " … 1 . Go outside . You can 't fully enjoy a summer evening from your air - conditioned or fan - cooled home , you have to go outside . You really do . If its hot inside , that 's all the more reason to go outside . It will only be cooler . And if you can 't go outside , fling open a window and lean out … a bit . Look around . 2 . Feel the air . Feel how the evening air moves against your skin . Truly , I am not kidding . Notice the evening air against your skin . It has a different feel every evening . I love the feel of a crisp evening breeze against my face after a late afternoon rain . But I also love those evenings when the air has cooled just enough to wick the sweat off my arms from the 95 degree day . 3 . Go for a walk . Do it with a friend or a spouse or your kids all in tow . Or do it by yourself … that can be even better . Move slow or move fast , take long strides or short ones , but move in a way that makes you feel good . The evening is yours . Enjoy the sights and use your senses , all 5 … . and more if you have them ! 4 . Stand under or near a pine tree in the waning daylight . Then , inhale . If you 're lucky , you will catch a gentle scent of beautiful fresh pine . Its my favorite sweet perfume on a hot summer evening . Wafts of summer pine , as well as , ripe peach and newly shucked corn are all on my list of fine summer fragrances . 5 . Look up at the sky . What color blue is the sky tonight ? I only ever think the sky is blue . At midnight it 's that black , inky blue . When the sun is setting , its silver blue with rainbow colors , pink and yellow , red and orange . I 'm not an artist , and I admire ( okay … envy ) artists who can paint the colors of the sky . The sky probably has more shades of blue than possible names for blue . Ochre pit blue would be a good sunset color name . I like entertaining what other sky blue names there could be , and certainly , I 've wasted time on lesser thoughts . 6 . Look for fireflies . I mean this as a metaphor . My daughter would understand . I keep asking her , " Where have all the fireflies gone ? " Sometimes I just don 't see them . Fireflies exist in the summer , but they can be hard to find . You have to carefully look for the magical , the special . Look with expectation and you may notice some magic of nature - a flower , a bird , a star in the sky - that has special meaning for your life right now . 7 . Stop and Pause , before you enter your home . Then , Listen . Is the wind talking ? Are your neighbors listening to music ? Are crickets chorusing loudly ? Are birds calling goodnights to family members ? Hold on to the comforting sounds . Think of them as the ringtones of your life downloaded for free . And allow all other sounds to be carried away by the wind . I wish you a good evening , all summer long . Life is fine , By Sarah Friday morning , on NBC 's TODAY show , Meredith Vieira interviewed a man who had risked his life to rescue a dog trapped in a Utah canyon . When she asked him , in essence , had he considered that he was risking his own life to save a dog 's life , he replied … . . " it was never a question " . A shift has occurred and I don 't think its been fully acknowledged . If this shift has not yet occurred for all of us , it has certainly occurred for many of us . Dogs have reached the status of being part of the Family of Man . I suggest that Zak Anderegg , the rescuer , responded with a gut reaction - a dog in trouble ; one of our kind ; rescue it ! Now , I 'm certainly not putting forth a genetic argument of inclusion . But the qualities we love most about dogs - unconditional love , loyalty , empathy , curiousity and forgiveness - are the qualities to which we humans aspire . Ace in the hole : He saved dog trapped in canyon - TODAY Pets & Animals - TODAYshow . com . Some people might argue that the social rules of dogs aren 't at the level of human interaction using this as an argument for exclusion from our family . But then , social rules vary quite a lot in the human species . Abundant examples of less than exemplary human behavior abound . If you need further evidence for dogs ' inclusion in the family of man , than it would be this . Dogs remain in the present moment without benefit of meditation or spiritual guide books . They are present and grateful for the gifts at hand . They enjoy the party of life . And often , dogs lead us to that party , in helping us find that joy . Please give me no arguments on cognitive capacity or limbic brain processing . I know what I know . Dogs deserve to be counted in the roll call of family , micro or macro . I count these dogs as family members , both past and present - Coco , Pepper , Max , Cicero and Jez - I love you forever and for always .
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* Winners will be chosen by the Flash ! Friday team & will be announced Wednesday morning . If the winner is already in possession of a Golden Ticket , the prizes may be split between two winners , at the judging team 's discretion . NOW HERE ' S YOUR PROMPT . This entry was posted on April 14 , 2015 , in Bonus Contest and tagged anthology , Flash Dash , Flash Dogs , flash fiction , writing contest . Bookmark the permalink . 170 Comments Winning was all that mattered . I looked into his eyes and was completely smitten , my goal now to capture his heart . The trouble was he was my best friend 's new beau , and beautiful he was . Right there and then I decided he was going to be mine , and the beginnings of my demise began . I couldn 't stand seeing them together but to get to him I had to keep Sandra around . Hard to do when she had the same problem as me we were both obsessed with Tim . I found out his schedule from Sandra 's whispered phone calls . Learnt when he was playing football , bowling or table tennis . He was a sports fanatic , I suppose along with his mother that 's what made that fantastic body . The body I was soon going to be licking all over . I digress . I have to keep a steady head . I need to bide my time . I suddenly took a keen interest in certain activities , Sandra was bemused . I told her I just didn 't want to pile on the pounds like her . My beloved friend I watched slowly move away from me bit by bit . I cared less she was only still here at all , so I could keep tabs on Tim . I started sneaking photographs of her and Tim just one now and again , she had an endless supply . I was making a space to keep a record of me and Tim and all our firsts . The first time we kissed etc . I had to cut Sandra out and paste me in but I completely forgot that fact when the finished product was under my pillow . Poor Sandra stopped taking photographs every few weeks as she kept breaking out in some nasty rash and had swollen eyes and lips . Her allergy returned on and off but she couldn 't think what was causing it . I could , I was injecting the substance she was allergic to into her cream , and watched with a smile as she slathered it all over her precious to Tim 's face . Stupid idiot kept asking my advice , Kelly look at me , what am I going to do ? I told her she may be allergic to the pill and she better stop taking it for a while until she got her doctor to check it out . I then had to listen to her go on and on about how she 'd have to curtail her sexual activities with Tim , I already knew that . Today I 'm getting a makeover it 's been three weeks and Kelly hasn 't heard anything back from the doctor , she would never risk pregnancy . I 'm hoping a virile young man will be just ripe for picking . He has no idea just how close me and Sandra once where as he never sees us together now . So that will be one moral dilemma solved for him . Sandra was not as stupid as I thought . The resounding slap she landed on me , deserved . The tablets are now the beginning of my end . Bye . mtdecker says : April 14 , 2015 at 8 : 49 am I 've always been annoyed at people who try to ' take ' someone away from someone else , but you painted a wonderful , if deranged , picture of the narrator . The part where she took Sandra 's pictures and pasted herself into them was … creepifying , in a very well done kind of way . ( and you did that in 13 minutes ? ? ? ) Amazing ! Winning was all that mattered . But , unfortunately , I was a born loser . I couldn 't even hit the ball off the tee when I started tee - ball . My father shouted from the stands , blaming everyone but his loser son . And the losing streak continued . My father , a wolf of the banking world , could not stomach my losses . At my basketball games in middle school , shoulders slumped over my chest keeping the bench warm , I cringed as my father shouted at Ryan Peterson , the star . " Come on Ryan ! You got this . Four more points , and they 're beat . " Then , I think he started coming to my games just to see Ryan . Silent meals , as I speared cauliflower and my Dad recanted Ryan 's winning moments . I sank further and further into myself . My mother 's sidelong glances couldn 't even save me from the fact that my father was overlooking me . I joined drama on a whim . Everyone has to be good at something , right ? Turns out I 'm good at stabbing Mercutio and rinsing imaginary blood from my hands . Back at the dinner table , I recited my monologues to the tone - deaf ears of my father . He rambled on about how the basketball team missed me . " Missed my what , Dad ? My prowess of securing the bench to the ground ? " " You should have seen it . I thought for sure we were going to lose , but then a foul was called , Ryan got the free throws , and as the ball was being bounced up the court , Teddy Andrews - do you know him ? - stole the ball and threw the winning shot . It was something else . " The peas felt squalid and heavy in my mouth . I ate them , because if I didn 't I wouldn 't get any blueberry cobbler . And my mom makes the best blueberry cobbler . " My play 's on Tuesday night , " I told my mom the next day . " You should tell your father . " " Why ? He won 't come . " Tuesday night , costumes littered the stage . Everyone rushed around , practicing their lines one more time . When the curtain rose , the lights glared in my eyes . I couldn 't see if my father was there . I recited my lines , stabbed Mercutio . " THAT ' S MY BOY ! ! ! THAT ' S MY BOY ! ! ! Look at that . Did you see the flick of that knife ? " Clive Tern says : April 14 , 2015 at 8 : 24 am I 'd never heard of T - Ball . what a bizarre thing ! - anyway , good story , and I love the Father 's shout out in the play . Hilarious ! Reply legreene515 says : April 14 , 2015 at 9 : 19 am Once again - it must be an American thing . They teach the kids how to play baseball off a tee . Thanks ! mtdecker says : April 14 , 2015 at 8 : 37 am As I was reading this I kept thinking " Dad , my name is NOT Ryan , " and I kept thinking his dad was unfeeling . I like that you turned it around and I realize that his dad is just enthusiastic and wants his son to do well . Very well done ! Foy S . Iver says : April 14 , 2015 at 11 : 54 am Great story , Lauren . Lot 's of emotion packed in . Poor kid 😦 Reply legreene515 says : April 14 , 2015 at 1 : 51 pm Thanks Foy ! I had fun with it . Holly Geely says : April 14 , 2015 at 12 : 40 pm Aw , love the ending . carolynwardwrites says : April 14 , 2015 at 1 : 15 pm I like this ! good end too . like idea of dad cheering on someone else . dark / funny " Winning was all that mattered , pain and sensibilities be damned . It all seems ridiculous now , thinking back on it . Well , you know how one can get caught up in things , the buzz , the challenge , the winning . I was young then , joints and bones all pretty much intact still . And I frickin ' flew . Oh yes - no one could catch me . " I can tell no one believes me . One thing I have learnt , and it took decades , was to stop wasting energy trying to explain , justify . Making people believe - well you could lead them to the water as it were …… . You let the anger of frustration rise up , and no one wins then . Boil you alive it will , fry yer brain . Rather , let it be the secret fire inside . Cultivate an air of mystery . " Oh , Gawd ! I am not watching this tripe again . You hear me ? " A commercial break is playing now , gawd knows for what . I use my grabbing stick - gizmo on the end like an elderly mousetrap . Daughter brought it for me , gawd , give me a whip any day . Reply Clive Tern says : April 14 , 2015 at 8 : 21 am Sweet and sad little story . The glory of our past fades to everyone but us . Nicely done . mtdecker says : April 14 , 2015 at 8 : 31 am I love the image of ' Cultivating an air of mystery ' It 's so true … so … catlike - I * meant * to do that . A very well done story about human frailty and the nature of winning . Well done ! Winning was all that mattered . The four women stood trembling over their trolleys at the annual Bison Supermarket Trolley Dash . Their lucky tickets had been selected from thousands of readers of The Bored Housewife magazine . Whoever could grab the highest value of goods would win the contents of the trolley . Kate eyed the other three . There was an older lady who looked frail . One swift kick to the ankle would sort her out . Kate narrowed her eyes at the final two . One was a big woman who resembled a rugby player . She would be trouble , Kate knew . As if the woman felt eyes on her , she turned and snarled at Kate . Charming ! She thought , baring her teeth in reply . Kate rapidly thought tactics . Liquor was an ideal choice , along with steak , the lobsters , the huge luxury chocolate cakes . Her mouth watered as she considered the delicacies . The women were lined up at the entrance . There wasn 't much room , and already the rugby woman was snapping her trolley about , spinning the wheels like a goddamn drag racer . Kate felt adrenaline flood her veins , and the horn blasted through the air . Kate gritted her teeth and sprinted forwards , hunched over her trolley like a champion jockey . She was the swiftest , but rugby woman was on her heels . The elegant woman was hefting pumpkins , and Kate rolled her eyes . The idiot ! She flew to the liquor aisle and piled in bottles of everything . Blackberry vodka … designer gin … and cognac . She smiled as her mental trolley value totted up . Next , she hefted the heavy load to the fresh meat , and grabbed an enormous leg of lamb and some thick fillet steaks . Out of the corner of her eye she saw the old lady moving surprisingly fast . There was thirty seconds left ! The screaming and shouting reached fever pitch as the women galloped around the store . There was a faller as the elegant woman slipped on her petticoat and snapped her ankle . Men ran to help her . The old lady lost her breath and her strength at the cereal aisle , where she had grabbed a tonne of porridge . Kate and the rugby queen bolted for the checkouts . Kate aimed a swift kick at the woman 's fat knee , but her foot slid off . The woman roared and barged her back like a truck . Kate went flying , her trolley spinning wildly . Somehow she held on , twisting her weight to gain control of her load , and lying flat over her trolley , feet in the air , she sailed past her rival and over the line as the horn sounded the end of the dash . Reply Clive Tern says : April 14 , 2015 at 8 : 19 am yeh - I 've seen people like this in a sale . just nasty . glad she got DQ ' ed mtdecker says : April 14 , 2015 at 8 : 28 am Very enjoyable story . I wasn 't sure where you were going and the ending was a well deserved twist of fate . Delightful . Only after your eighteenth birthday , when you had reached the magic ' age of majority ' did the axiom actually really mean anything to any of us former sprogs . On our eighteenth birthday we were too busy celebrating to notice , but the day after … that was when the games began in earnest … It was bad enough that our eighteenth birthday was also the day of the great change - the day when my brood - brothers grew legs and learned to walk on land … it was also the first day the games were played to the death . Standing on rickety feet , we were ushered into odd rooms and told to wait , then two by two we were called out to play , one against the other , until we were half of our original number . The great Army Brood went from Army to Platoon … Our keepers say it is to keep our lines pure and only let the strongest of our kind survive - the strongest or the luckiest , but I have also heard others say it is to keep our population down . As I sat in my room , waiting to be called , I heard the first rumblings of rebellion . The first inkling that this was not the natural way of things and we should be free . It was also the day that I watched my Clutch brother die at my own hands . I killed him for a handful of food . I killed him for trying to kill me . As I heard our oppressors ' laughter I knew I 'd rather fight them - and in that moment , I felt my blood boil and my soul cry out for justice . In my next bout , I fought , not my clutch - mate , not another faceless member of our now small unit , but our oppressors themselves . It was then I truly realized that winning was all that really mattered . In the game you learn that the winner is the one with the most determination , and they have never played this game . In the end , it 's all in how you play the game - and with whom … We have nothing to lose , but the games . legreene515 says : April 14 , 2015 at 2 : 22 pm I thought you were writing about tadpoles turning into frogs at the beginning . Growing legs . I really like this world you 're creating and hope to see it in a longer story one day ! Reply mtdecker says : April 14 , 2015 at 4 : 45 pm Actually I was . I loved the language of tadpoles - a clutch , a knot … an army brood … I just couldn 't bring it back around in the time limit . Thank you for commenting and I hope to write a longer version . So we looked after Octavian and his trappings . Chariot A was tweaked , tested , and cleaned daily . That was my responsibility . His horses had the best of everything , and their coats shone like slick wet stones . Octavian himself enjoyed sumptuous yet healthy meals , one of which would have paid my wage for a week . He could be denied nothing . I was the most pleased of the crew , possibly more than our winner . Octavian was led away to be wreathed , garlanded , placed on a pedestal , and worshipped for the rest of his natural life . He had all the prizes , while we might be thrown a gold coin if we were lucky . But there was one that eluded him . He had entered a sphere where his every move would be taken note of , and marvelled at . Now I knew that my jewel beyond price was safe . He would never be able to force his way into my home again . Never be able to try and take my daughter again . His position would deny him , though I could not . Liz Hedgecock says : April 14 , 2015 at 5 : 34 pm MORE words ? ! Getting 250 out in 25 minutes nearly killed me ! How have people written 400 + in the time ? ! ? It was alway like this . The roar of the crowd was there , but muted , like her brain dialed it down to background noise . The smell of grass which had been recently cut and refreshed by rain was rich in each breath taken . Her launch point drew nearer . At the start of the run up each step was precise and individual , she could identify where one stopped and the next began , they were discrete motions bound only by their commonality to her . Now , as she curved her run , the strides were one single fluid motion , flowing into each other like waves rolling across the ocean . Carla reached her mark and sprang high , twisting as she did . The world slowed to a crawl , like watching something in slow - mo on her high - def television . The floodlights which ringed the top of the stadium had blueness in the depths of their intensity ; flash lights from camera 's rippled in the stand , bright fire - flies capturing this single moment . She arched her shoulder , twisting her back . For fun , once , they had tried limbo . But going under the bar had felt unnatural . Now her head was dipping back down . This was it , the last moment of the last chance . The final jump and all she had to do was clear the bar . She kicked her heels , but too late . The metal pole flexed under the impact from her heel , deforming along it 's length . It bounced up when her foot slid back off of it . The gasp of the crowd was like a punch to Carla 's stomach as she watched the bar jump up while she continued to fall backward . Carla stood on the mats staring at the bar . Bile rose in her throat , the taste bitter with the disappointment in heralded . The crowd was clapping and cheering , appreciative of her efforts , of the battle of wills in which she had partaken . Later , standing on the rostrum , accepting the silver medal around her neck , she managed to smile . But it was an empty smile . Winning was all that mattered . mtdecker says : April 14 , 2015 at 8 : 16 am So true . It 's hard to be gracious when you don 't get what you want … so well written and true . Beautifully done ! Reply legreene515 says : April 14 , 2015 at 2 : 28 pm I love the feelings you evoke . I felt like I was vaulting too . And the use of the phrase at the beginning and the end . I 've certainly felt that way before . Didn 't she realise that they could do that any time ? The inaugural Flash Dash ! was a once in a lifetime experience ! And the chance to win a golden ticket was a double whammy ! No contest . He wasn 't used to this sort of pressure . He struggled to come up with something half - way decent for Flash ! Friday ; and he had 24 hours for that ! And he 'd never come anywhere , not even an Honourable Mention . He should have been proactive and written something on spec . His typing skills had never been great , just two fingers and a thumb . And his laptop was playing up again . Reply Geoff Holme says : April 14 , 2015 at 1 : 56 pm The anniversary - meal - booking wife is fictious ; unfortunately , the satanic laptop is NOT ! It let me complete and submit the story in time ( unbelievably ) but , while I was composing a post to apologise for this crock of sh * t , it did its usual trick of hanging for ages and then rebooting itself ! ! ! I had to go off to a writers ' group meeting , ironically , so I wasn 't able to retype before all these lovely comments , guys . I don 't feel that they are deserved but they are very much appreciated . Reply legreene515 says : April 14 , 2015 at 2 : 29 pm I think this may be autobiographical ? 😉 I 've never gotten an Honourable Mention either . Try and try again ! Funny , and I loved it . Reply Dylyce P . Clarke says : April 14 , 2015 at 7 : 28 am Winning was all that mattered . Hellion knew her talents deserved it . Who she crushed in the race to the top was immaterial . The secretaries in the pool had to do her bidding , and they better do it with snap , polish and excellence . Their lax work couldn 't affect her ratings . She 'd fired more than her share to get where she was . The researchers in the field had to do her bidding . Sloppy facts and inaccurate reporting weren 't tolerated . Missed deadlines meant you went to the breadline instead of an office . If a company didn 't produce flawless products , she smeared their reputation . How dare they insult her perfection with their pitiful efforts ? Yes , Hellion had left a lot of fallout in her race to the top . Hellion had stood in her top floor office with the panoramic view and surveyed her domain . Top of the heap at last . She 'd shown that derogatory mother of her 's , The one always yelling at her she 'd never amount to anything . Well , she 'd mounted to the top . At the knock on the door she 'd barked , " Go away ! " Nothing was going to spoil her triumphant moment . When the knocker persisted , she 'd yelled , " I SAID GO AWAY ! " When Hellion got on the bus , Shirley , the secretary she 'd sacked blocked her from sitting next to her . When she went to the grocery store , Ralph , the researcher she 'd humiliated , refused to help her . When she looked for a job , no one would hire her . Reply Dylyce P . Clarke says : April 14 , 2015 at 5 : 04 pm Clive , my computer was having a hissy fit this morning so I ended up with 15 minutes to write something . Because it was being temperamental I shaved off two more minutes on the end to ensure it posted within the time frame . However , in light of your question about the who , how and why here goes : Hellion worked in advertising and a lot of information came in by snail mail so they had a person who delivered it . The day before she moved to the top floor a new employee delivered the wrong mail to her . She flung it in his face whereupon the edge of an envelope left a small cut . Winning was all that mattered . Gamer shaved his fingers down , stuck them in ports and let the mindsparks fly . Each digit blitzed against a different server : right - hand - index shot zombies , left - hand - little commanded armies , right - hand - middle solved puzzles , and his ring finger began a second simulated life among the billion teeming others . His eyes buzzed with a thousand shifting landscapes , his mouth muttered through war cries , platitudes , solutions ; prayerwords to an button - mashed god . His body morphed through the character - builds : him one minute , her the next , then something else - something neither . Even his toes were fused , twitching through the sports games ; a touch of acceleration , a top - corner volley . All connected , all in - game . Except his thumbs . His thumbs stayed free and tapped a furious rhythm against an ancient keyboard . Green lines cascaded at the edge of his vision . Codes . Manipulations . Cheats . StormCloud Digital had them all hooked , every part of every cell . But his thumbs were free and Gamer would be their saviour . mtdecker says : April 14 , 2015 at 8 : 04 am Wow - there 's an almost frenzy to it - possibly the sheer multi - tasking involved I love the phrase ' praywords to a button - mashed god ' And the point at the end … beautiful . Masterfully crafted ! He lifts his hands , and then they helplessly flop back down against his sides . Shadows darken half of his pale face , and a drip of rainwater falls from his soaked blond hair . He doesn 't step off the door mat . " I lost the link , okay ? I screwed up . " His words smack me stunned . I 've never heard Ryan admit that before . He 's always been Mr . Do - The - Impossible , suck it up , and battle by my side . We don 't fail . Ever . " What if , just once , you let your guard down ? " Ryan 's blue eyes are deep like he 's taking a long , warm drink . And he 's staring right at me . I spin away from him and stalk to the edge of the cabin to paw through a wooden trunk for blankets . It 's going to be a long night , and if he stays soaked , he 'll freeze . Ryan 's feet tap , tap , tap behind me . I drop my head and close my eyes . I can hear him breathe , and I flinch when his body heat warms the tip of my ear . I twist and face him . My legs ache from squatting , so I sit , and Ryan sits across from me . I want to hang onto my past , but I want a mind link so we can defeat Victoria . And , as my stomach churns horribly , I want Ryan . But I can 't want anyone . " My dad abused me and my sister , " I whisper . " I only wanted to protect her . " I stare down at my hands . I want to say more , but I can 't . Ryan will know . Somehow , he always knows . Ryan opens his arms , and I look up at him . He 's a question waiting for me to give him an answer . I cup my hands around his face , and in the split second I meet his eyes , our minds link . Winning wasn 't all that mattered . Being real is the only thing we ever needed . Reply Sydney says : April 14 , 2015 at 7 : 33 am I have a typo to correct if that 's okay ! In this " Hearing him say the word us makes my abdomen clench so fiercely it scares me . I should tell him we can 't do this , that we 're breaking the rules , but no words come out of his mouth . " the word " us " should be in italics , and it should read , " but no words come out of my mouth . " mtdecker says : April 14 , 2015 at 8 : 00 am That was … gorgeous … beautiful ! I love the realization at the end , and you 've packed so much into such a small package . I would love to see this as a longer story … maybe even a novel - there is that much you put in there that can be built on . Amazing ! Reply Sydney says : April 14 , 2015 at 8 : 03 am LOL I actually do plan for it to be an expanded scene in a novel … Ariel and Ryan are Chase 's ( the main character of my first book called " Chase " ) original grandparents , and I 'm excited to write their whole story . Thank you so much for your kind words - I 'm glad you enjoyed this little snippet ! Foy S . Iver says : April 14 , 2015 at 10 : 08 am Gorgeous as always , Sydney ! I envy your ability to crank out 447 words of poetry in only 30 minutes . Stellar . rachaeldunlop says : April 14 , 2015 at 7 : 29 am Winning was all that mattered , he said . He flashed a smile at the room . Literally . How did he get those teeth so white ? Were they even real ? Was he even real ? His face , on the conference room screen , just his face , disembodied . Was he one of them ? Nah , couldn 't be . I looked around the room to see if anyone else was thinking what I was thinking . But then again , how would I know ? You can 't tell just by looking . You can 't tell anything just be looking . Not any more . You have to dig deeper , look at the code . That 's what we 're all here for , or at least that 's what we 've been told . The conference hall is huge , there must be at least a thousand of us . All with our tablets open and ready for the download . It 's the Chinese we 're targeting this time . Word has leaked out that they are going to launch one of their disruptive viruses again . The last one , is was a doozy . Completely rewrote the global economy . Apple managed to roll it back just in time from the off - plant Time Machine , but we can 't have that happening again . No sirree - bob . It 's kinda nice , though I shouldn 't say it , to see a room full of people with a purpose , a job to do . Shouldn 't say it because it was only near - disaster brought us coders back . Sentient algorithms . And we thought global warming was the biggest threat we face . We had no idea . No . Idea . At . All . Ideas , though , that 's the thing we have that they don 't . No imagination . They just do what they 've been programmed to do , or what they programme each other to do , and their parameters are limited . We 're only limited by our imaginations . Winning is all that matters , he says again , and I can see something , someone , moving across the stage , far in the distance at the front of the room . Good . He 's not one of them , then . Has a body . Good . He 's real . I cracked my knuckles , make sure my finger tips are clean . I feel the adrenaline flow . It 's like the old days , the gamer competitions . Except now that the prize is stopping society from collapsing . My screen lights up . Here we go . Here we go . And then I read what it says . Reply mtdecker says : April 14 , 2015 at 7 : 56 am I love this ! Very well done . Shades of Blade Runner , with a healthy twist of computers . I love the world you built here and the ending was perfect ! Foy S . Iver says : April 14 , 2015 at 7 : 29 am Winning was all that mattered . Because in the Califax Qualifications winning meant life or death . And pray to god your parents picked the right tourney for you . Clive Tern says : April 14 , 2015 at 8 : 01 am nicely done . packs in all the info and tension and back story we need . One fyi . We have a friend with long lashes , he is easily the most drooled over man by my circle of female friends . For those who only know him by sight the phrase ' is he the one with the lashes … ' has been heard . ( Wish I hadn 't skimmed the ' parameters ' and missed " Word count : anything up to 500 words " but took in " Normal Flash ! Friday guidelines " instead . I thought it had to be 190 - 210 words ! D ' oh ! ) Thanks for reading ! 🙂 todayschapter says : April 14 , 2015 at 7 : 30 am This Time Winning was all that mattered . He stared at his watch , knowing that the results would be posting in a few seconds . He frantically hit refresh until the names came up . He scanned them anxiously , praying that it would work this time . As he got to the bottom and saw a name that wasn 't his he let out a frustrated grumble . Why had it not worked this time . He 'd put dragons in there , and mentioned chocolate . He 'd referenced in jokes and old stories . He 'd carefully analysed every other story , to find out what made them tick , and then he had incorporated all their best elements into his . Why wasn 't this working ? He was stuck in an eternal loop of flash dash . He angrily tapped the buttons on his time machine and waited to go back to 6 : 59 on April 14th . This time he 'd get that darn mug ! mtdecker says : April 14 , 2015 at 7 : 35 am W00T ! I love this . I love how you mention using all the tricks , only not using them ( and yet , by mentioning them , you have used them , albeit indirectly ) . It 's a paradox even before it 's a temporal - paradox . Very well done ! Reply Clive Tern says : April 14 , 2015 at 7 : 58 am Made me smile , then I find out it 's a time travel story . Great . & I loved the nod to the most current of technologies , the ' smart ' watch . Reply legreene515 says : April 14 , 2015 at 3 : 25 pm Seriously loved this ! Laughed out loud at the end . I 'm glad I 'm on central time . Flash Dash ends right when my alarm goes off to wake the kids up ! 🙂 Reply mtdecker says : April 14 , 2015 at 7 : 49 am Beautiful but sad . My first thought is : Sometimes the only way to win , is to walk away … and that would have been perfect if I 'd thought of it 19 minutes ago ! Well Done ! Clive Tern says : April 14 , 2015 at 7 : 56 am Two entries , in half an hour ? Inconceivable ! A sweet , melancholic poem . & high standard for such a swift first draft . Geoff Holme says : April 14 , 2015 at 1 : 35 pm Fantastic , Susan ! Two pieces in 30 minutes ? Where did you park your TARDIS ? Winning was all that mattered . That 's what he kept telling himself . What Lizzie kept telling him . What they told each other and the rest of the team . Winning was all that mattered . A mantra to whisper with every breath , until his lungs were coated with it , the bitterness of winning like a cough caught in the back of his throat . The alarm went off , a high - pitched beep timed to flashing time that shone on his ceiling . But he was already awake . Had been awake long before the alarm sounded . Reciting the mantra . He rolled from his bed , stood , stretched for a moment and went to the sink . He went over the scoreboard while he brushed his teeth , digital numbers scrolling on the mirror . He swiped to the leaderboard . Down . Further down . She ran fingers through her cropped hair . " Michael , " she said . " We can 't fall any further . We get below twenty and we 're done . " " How am I supposed to keep going ? " said Carlos . He said it nervous , rodent twitchy and glancing over his shoulder . " I got kids to feed . " " We can 't afford I think about that , " said Michael . They stood in a circle on the wharf , the brine smell of dead fish lacing the air . He hooked his thumbs in his gun belt . " We only have the game . " They all looked at the ground , their hands , the sea . Not at each other . Michael could feel their bond evaporating . Of all the things that would be their undoing , it was going to be the leaderboards ? Worrying about the goddamn score ? " Hey , " he said . " We started this game not even knowing each other . And now we 're a family . We stick together . We stay alive . We play the game and we win . " Their eyes flicked up to him . " Winning , " he said . " Winning is all that matters . We win and we get to keep our heads . Keep our heads today , and we 'll win . " They all clambered into the skiff , hanging tight to the hope of winning . The skiff moved out , into the dawn light and crisp salt air . The hunt was on . Reply treadingwords says : April 14 , 2015 at 1 : 17 pm Thanks ! The concept is a worldwide televised scavenger hunt that has been going for years , with hundreds of thousands of participants . There are certain penalties for failure , and certain teams expected to perform at a certain level , with everything at stake : livelihood , life and limb , family at risk if you don 't succeed . Task after task , year after year , increasingly difficult and ridiculous . But if they don 't keep a certain score , they die . Clive Tern says : April 14 , 2015 at 7 : 54 am Packing in a Hunger Games feel . Good work . A delicate balance of who , what , and why . Reply treadingwords says : April 14 , 2015 at 1 : 09 pm " A high pitched beep timed to flashing time ? " Should have been " readout , " not time . This is was comes of writing on your phone at 4am . Reply Sarah Miles says : April 14 , 2015 at 7 : 31 am Winning was all that mattered ; always had been . Their marriage had been a battle of one - upmanship and Jason was going to make sure he had the last victory in what had seemed at times like a seven year chess game . He had her cornered . She had nowhere to go and his lawyers had made sure there was nothing left for her to live for . He had sat her down and explained all this with delicious clarity before handing her an offer of alimony . Reply Sarah Miles says : April 14 , 2015 at 7 : 33 am Sorry - that didn 't even post properly ! Feel free to ignore . Written on my phone on long car journey with the kids fighting on the back seat ! Reply mtdecker says : April 14 , 2015 at 7 : 42 am Anyone who can write on their phone is amazing to begin with . I 've fought with swype , voice recognition and every other attempt to ' help ' you phones have to offer . Not only did you keep from getting … interesting translations - you got a good story out in a very short period of time . Clive Tern says : April 14 , 2015 at 7 : 52 am wow - that is dark . If you are on a road trip and the SO is driving , I feel like we should suggest counseling : D : D Well done in such limiting circumstances . Reply Real Momma Ramblings says : April 15 , 2015 at 12 : 42 pm Sadly I had to miss this one . I was getting kids to the bus at this time . 😦 Great stories though ! Rebekah 's dueling obsessions with flash fiction and dragons have finally found their happy place at Flash ! Friday . She 's co - founder of Shenandoah Valley Writers ( SVW ) and thinks there 's pretty much nothing more awesome than when writing sets a reader 's soul on fire . Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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Hallelujah was conceived , rehearsed and filmed in Tamworth , NH , a small town with a population of 2556 that has as its backdrop Mt Chocorua , the most photographed mountain in America . Tamworth is part of Occupy The Mt Washington Valley . Tamworth was the summer home of President Grover ClevelandNicely done . Clever writing too . Next Sunday will be my last one at two lovely churches , one in the shadow of Mt . Katahdin and the other near the lovely Lincoln Lakes . I have decided that with everything else going on in my life , I do not , physically or emotionally , have the strength to do this for a year . The bishop supports me in this . Last Thursday I attended a somewhat contentious meeting at the local high school . Proponents and opponents of a feasibility study for a Northern Woods National Park met with Secretary of the interior Salazar . He was a generous listener and I hope opened up some hearts to listen to the possibility and to decide on information rather than fear and emotion . What a difficult time it was for the descendants of Joseph and his family when there was a Pharaoh who did not know Joseph . They had really grown in numbers and were probably viewed as a threat to the Egyptians . What if , they became so numerous they would took over the place ? Not something any self - respecting dictator would put up with . So they were put to work as slaves making bricks for Pharaoh 's projects . That didn 't stop the Israelites from finding ways around this oppressive system . When Moses was born , his mother had him hidden in the reeds of the Nile near where Pharaoh 's daughter bathed and had his sister watch the whole scene so she could recommend a wet - nurse , who was really Mose 's mother . Moses was fortunate enough to be raised in Pharaoh 's household . God was watching over his people , silently providing for a leader . Watching the evening news about the struggle the Libyans and Syrians are having trying to overthrow their dictators can 't help but make me think of Moses and the Israelites . And then this past spring we watched as Egyptians freed themselves from their dictator . It is no longer a group of strangers kept captive in a foreign land struggling to be free , but people native to a country oppressed by their own brutal leaders . There is something in the human spirit that yearns to be free . My home state tells it well : " Live Free or Die . " Now I know some wags say that slogan is a threat , but there is something about not being free that can kill bits of your soul . I wonder what it is like to overcome the fear of being beaten or killed or having your family members put at risk to fight for freedom . Fear is a powerful emotion - - one of our most basic and primitive ones . It gets the adrenalin going so we can fight or flee . I think I am the type who would flee , but I don 't really know . When we are fearful , or have any other powerful negative emotion all we seem to be able to do is act instinctively : creative solutions go out the window . I remember telling a fractious Vestry some years ago , that I was going to show episodes of The Vicar of Dibley ( a British comedy ) to them for the first half hour of our meetings so they could do problem solving instead of bickering . God must have given the Israelites a sense of humor so they could come up with creative solutions to Pharaoh 's edicts . Like the midwives saying the women were so healthy they gave birth before the midwives arrived . I was thinking of the need for a sense of humor at the meeting on the Northwoods Park last Thursday . I know there is a lot of fear in the town over the mill closing and the lack of good paying jobs , or jobs of any kind . An unemployment rate of over 20 % is frightening . I wonder if that fear is keeping some people from being able to look at possibilities other than a mill . In situations like this , it is hard to view any change as having the potential to be positive . And I know there is a lot of history that complicates matters . If we look a bit forward into Moses ' story after he gets Pharaoh to " let my people go " - - what happens - - they complain bitterly that things were better in Egypt . God had a plan for these stiff - necked people , but it was in the future and neither Moses , nor that first generation would get to see the promised land . That is a bit like doing interim ministry , you can lead people for a bit , but the future is in their hands . Someone else will lead them into the future with God 's help . We never do any of this alone . Our Epistle this morning tells us " For as in one body we have many members , and not all the members have the same function , so we , who are many , are one body in Christ , and individually we are members one of another . We have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us : prophecy , in proportion to faith ; ministry , in ministering ; the teacher , in teaching ; the exhorter , in exhortation ; the giver , in generosity ; the leader , in diligence ; the compassionate , in cheerfulness . " What a great image of a church or any community of people ! Each one of you has a special gift that this church and this community needs to form a strong body . Each one of you is different and special in the eyes of God , and , I hope , in the eyes of each other . Imagine the power of a smile to a stranger . Imagine the power of a hand of friendship to someone who has no family or whose family is far away . Imagine the power of a gentle sense of humor when there is a tense situation . Imagine the strength of shared experiences to build bonds between people . Imagine the satisfaction of guiding someone else 's child find the security that comes in learning that God is love . Imagine the gratefulness of finding other people who share your love of this church and this area and joining with them to serve . In Matthew , this morning , we hear Jesus say to his disciples , " But who do you say that I am ? " And " Simon Peter answered , " You are the Messiah , the Son of the living God . " And Jesus answered him , " Blessed are you , Simon son of Jonah ! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you , but my Father in heaven . " If we believe that Jesus is the anointed one of God - - the one sent to show us the way , then like the Israelites of old , we may grumble and complain , but as long as we keep struggling to break free from whatever bonds keep us as slaves to our Pharaohs , God will be there . As the psalmist tells us : " Our help is in the name of the LORD , who made heaven and earth . " I love doing interim or transition work , at least I used to . I did not realize , though , that my ability to speak with David nearly every day , helped make this exhausting work fun . I know it may become fun again , but I 'm concerned that right now I cannot do the work these two congregations need for me to do . Yesterday I was in a real blue funk . I kept wanting to reach for the phone to speak with him . It 's not that we often spoke of what was on my plate , but after patiently listening to his latest ideas on medicine or ( his latest ) how he could contribute to the issue of overpopulation in the world , he usually had some uplifting things to say about me or us or nothing in particular . The second chapter of Journey of the Universe by Swimme and Tucker , is about the formation of galaxies . When the universe was about a half a million years old , it was like a huge cumulus cloud growing ever larger . You know , the big puffy kind of cloud we 've seen in the summer sky over the last week . But , instead of just continuing to grow and expand , the gigantic single cloud split into many smaller clouds . Each of these clouds collapsed into itself and formed a galaxy of stars . After each galaxy " jelled , " it started on its own unique journey : moving farther and farther apart from the other galaxies . In some ways you could also say this is the story of St . Thomas ' and St . Andrews ' . Years ago there was only St . Thomas ' , but as the Magic City rose out of the woods in the early 1900s , St . Andrews ' started its life joined to St . Thomas . I wonder if you could look at this phase as the marriage of Jacob to Leah . Maybe not exactly what was wanted , but necessary at the time . It wasn 't long though , before Jacob was able to marry Rebecca . Jacob was then able to separate his family from his father - in - law 's . But in to the story of the universe : we might well ask the question : " What broke this initial cloud so it could form galaxies " ? Scientists have discovered that there are waves that were present from the initial exhalation at the birth of the universe : waves that are fluctuations in the density of matter that also grew as the universe expanded and eventually got large enough to break the cloud apart so smaller clouds could form . We can think of these waves as something like the sound waves we create when we speak or when we make music , or when we jackhammer concrete . These waves go from our mouths or our instruments and disturb the air around us so that the waves hit our eardrums making them vibrate and so we hear . Sometimes these sounds can be disturbing , grating or loud . Sometimes we hear the vibrations as music , sometimes as a whisper . Some people have called these waves in the universe the " musiNASA Hubble Photo But don 't think that is all there is to the creativity of our universe . We have a satellite of our Milky Way , called the Large Magellanic Cloud ( LMC ) . Some think it was once a spiral galaxy that experienced a major calamity . What that calamity was we don 't really know , but whatever happened , the LMC could not produce new stars and was dying . But then , something truly amazing happened . After billions of years it came within reach of the gravitational pull of our Milky Way and the two galaxies interacted : the LMC was able to produce new stars again . Both the Milky Way and the LMC were changed by the interaction . The creativity present in one led to creativity in the other . It wasn 't just the creativity either , there was a generosity in sharing . All of Jesus ' parables this morning about the kingdom of heaven speak of God 's incredible generosity . Generosity in the smallest of seeds growing to the size of a tree . Generosity in a huge amount of leavened flour that would make enough bread to feed a small army . Generosity in a treasure found in an unexpected place or a pearl of great price and even generosity in fish from the sea , even though some will not serve as food . The story of universe is also one of incredible generosity , creativity and awe . A galaxy has come to life again . The story of God 's people is always one of coming to life again . The story of Jesus ' resurrection is pre - eminent among them . Jacob didn 't give up on marrying Rebecca , even though he was tricked by Laban . Although , I must admit I do hear a common refrain in Laban 's words " this is not done in our country - - giving the younger before the older . " makes me think of the frequently used : " that 's not how we 've always done it . " And yet there is always the possibility of resurrection . God doesn 't give up on any of us . Matthew reports Jesus as saying " " And he said to them , ' Therefore every scribe who has been trained for the kingdom of heaven is like the master of a household who brings out of his treasure what is new anPosted by My friend David died on July 6 . He had open heart surgery and was in the hospital for a week . They agreed to his request to go home , although they recommended he go to a skilled nursing facility to get stronger . David was insistent . He loved watching the deer and foxes and turkeys and quail that came on his patio and the majestic views of the hills beyond his home . We had decided to get him at - home help after I left , but it was clear over the course of the day that he really needed to go to a facility and he said he would do it in the morning . Morning never came . He dropped dead in front of me as he was getting back to his chair for the night . The paramedics couldn 't revive him . I 'm still processing my loss . I already miss our nearly daily phone conversations . Let me tell you a bit about our relationship . I met him in 1974 when he was working on Underground Coal Gasification at Lawrence Livermore National Lab and at a meeting on that topic at Fallen Leaf Lake , we went sailing together and got drenched from a sudden rainstorm that appeared over the Sierra Nevada , but he insisted on sailing the small boat back to shore in spite of wind and rain and the offer of a tow . We dated briefly , but I moved on to Denver , then Washington , DC then Vienna . David needed to have someone in his life every day . He couldn 't be alone after dusk and he did not want to marry again after two failed marriages and a failed live - in relationship , but he really needed someone to be present with him at that time of day . When I returned from Vienna he had just started going with a lovely woman . They each had their own homes , but he had someone to spend the evenings with , to go out to dinner with and to travel with . He even rented a room in her home so he had a place to stay overnight . Since her health began to seriously deteriorate a few years ago , he found other ways to fill this need like taking friends from his church to dinner and / or dancing . David and I began our weekly brunches after my return from Vienna . On Saturday , after he played tennis , we would meet for food and conversation , and what conversations they were . David was interested in researching health issues and I designed a web site for him to put his findings . It turned out I also had to upload his files for him as well , although I could manage to get him through the process over the phone as well . He had quite a following and was active in holistic health circles . David came to my graduation from Seminary and to my ordinations and when I moved around to do my interim ministry we started what became daily phone calls to continue our conversations . Since I 've been in Maine he has talked about moving here , but he really didn 't want to leave his beautiful home . We spoke about traveling together after he recovered from his surgery and I finally retire from ministry , but alas that is not to be . For nothing now can ever come to any good . David was a unique character : full of enthusiasm and boundless energy . He was constantly thinking outside the box and when he decided something was right , you couldn 't get him to change his mind . The world has lost a very good and very creative man . Did I love him ? Yes . Heaven has gained another saint . David was generous with his friends and unlike Auden , I do believe that love lasts forever and that good can come from the most difficult and trying times . The stars and sun and moon and ocean and wood will come to good . To quote Julian of Norwich " All shall be well , and all shall be well , and all manner of thing shall be well . " It will just take time . These four images are among the first observations made by the new Wide Field Camera 3 aboard the upgraded NASA Hubble Space Telescope . The image at top left shows NGC 6302 , a butterfly - shaped nebula surrounding a dying star . At top right is a picture of a clash among members of a galactic grouping called Stephan 's Quintet . The image at bottom left gives viewers a panoramic portrait of a colorful assortment of 100 , 000 stars residing in the crowded core of Omega Centauri , a giant globular cluster . At bottom right , an eerie pillar of star birth in the Carina Nebula rises from a sea of greenish - colored clouds . My summer reading includes Journey of the Universe , by Brian Thomas Swimme and Mary Evelyn Tucker . I was struck in reading it the parallels between the story of the universe and the story of ourselves as created beings . In fact , that is one of the points of the book . and maybe as the summer goes along those parallels might strike you as well . Since the Pentecost season has begun we 've been hearing some of the foundational stories of our faith , especially if you 've been reading the Genesis option for the Old Testament . If this is so , you have heard the story of the near sacrifice of Isaac by Abraham . The story of how Isaac married Rebecca . The story of the birth of Esau and Jacob and how Jacob stole Esau 's birthright . Now we have Jacob at the beginning of his adulthood and his encounter with God in a dream . Stories are important , they help ground us and remind us of who we are . So I think if we look at the story ( or the journey ) of the Universe and use it as a springing off point for the stories of St . Andrew 's and St . Thomas ' , we might be able to find ideas and ways that will help us in what the authors call " The challenge of creating a shared future . " At the start of the book the authors describe the beginnings of the universe , with the forces of expansion ( from the big bang ) and forces of attraction ( gravity ) , reminding us that the universe is " shaped by these two opposing and creative dynamics " and that we who are alive are also shaped by processes of expansion and contraction such as breathing or the beating of our hearts . To quote them : " At the very least we can say that because of the great exhalation at the start of the universe , life and humanity have emerged and are breathing within it now . " After the initial " bang " , or exhalation , particles began to collide and interact ; sometimes bonding , sometimes separating . This bonding , which resulted in the formation of increasingly complex communities , started with elementary particles and bonding seems to be the way of the universe . In order for bondPosted by I have started to read " Journey of the Universe " by Brian Thomas Swimme and Mary Evelyn Tucker . I 've been waiting to see the film they made of this , but haven 't been near a showing . The prose is striking and poetic and for a " geek " like me , the story of the universe is compelling reading . After the initial " bang " particles began to collide and interact ; sometimes bonding , sometimes separating . The formation of increasingly complex communities , started with elementary particles and seems to be the way of the universe . In order for bonding to occur , the particles have to give up part of their mass and release it as energy . " Even from the first moments , our universe moved toward creating relationships . . . . . This bonding is at the heart of matter . " The words above had me pondering once again The Trinity . Thinking about God breathing out the universe makes me contemplate 1John " In the beginning was the Word . " I wonder what the " great exhalation " sounded like . Big Bang doesn 't really have the elegance or the awe or the wonder that the term " great exhalation " does . A great shout of joy and love and unimaginable power that started all that we know and began time and space . And if the Holy Spirit is inspiration , then we have the breathing in and out of the universe in both exhalation and inspiration . But there is the relationship bit too . Did God create the whole universe in God 's image ? If bonding is at the heart of matter , then bonding or relationship has a lot to do with God . I wouldn 't dare try to explain The Trinity , but I would like to think that relationships or bonding are as critical to the nature of God as to the nature of the universe God created . I gave this sermon at Good Shepherd , Houlton , Maine yesterday . It was a gorgeous sunny day , the first sunny day in what seems like forever rain . Izzie and I took the long way home down Route 1 . When we stopped for dinner in Machias , I think Izzie had had it with being in the car , but after a short walk and some dinner , she settled in the back seat for a snooze . There is a bit of a chemistry lesson in this sermon . Don 't panic . There 's not going to be a quiz and I think the lesson will be relatively painless . After all if we 've managed to get past the second coming yesterday , and I don 't know of anyone taken by rapture at 6 pm , then thinking a bit about how living stones get formed shouldn 't be nearly as fearful . In a very physical and scientific sense , as well as a metaphoric one , we are all living stones . Our own bodies , especially our bones contain a lot of calcium . So does limestone . Limestone is a form of calcium carbonate ( CaCO3 ) called calcite . It is often made out of coral or the bodies of other living things , although it can also be precipitated out from groundwater depending on several factors , including the water temperature , how acidic or basic the water is , and what the concentration of CaCO3 is in the water . Limestone is a common building material , and you can find it in many landmarks around the world , like the Great Pyramid in Giza , Egypt . Many medieval churches and castles in Europe are made of limestone . It is easily available and relatively easy to cut into blocks or carve into statues . It is also long - lasting and stands up well to weather , but not acid rain . Train stations , banks and other structures from the 19th century are often made of limestone . Limestone was also a very popular building material in the Middle Ages since it is hard , durable , and often is found nearby in easy to quarry surface deposits . But all of this is about dead stones . They may be stones made out of the skeletal remains of living creatures , but dead never - the - less . Peter calls us living stones , and we are . Now I know that this building is made of wood , but imagine it as being built of living stones : you and all those who have gone before you . You are the building blocks of this body we call the church . Some of you are the solid stones that form the walls and keep out the storms , some of you are a bit fancier and might have been carved into interior spaces , fluted to please the eye or made into chambers that resound with music . Yet no matter what your function is , it is needed . It is needed because it is part of this foundation of living stones that started with the disciples including Stephen , and his stoner Saul , and with the words of Peter , we are called to become a holy priesthood , building this spiritual house we call the church . And Paul , that Saul who persecuted the followers of Jesus , speaks of Jesus as being the cornerstone for our living stones . Now when you make a stone building , the cornerstone ( also called the foundation stone ) is the first stone set in the construction of a stone building . This stone is important because all the other stones are to be set in reference to this stone . So the position of the corner stone impacts the whole building . In our New England , the corner stone is more likely to be made of granite , a more common type of stone , rather than limestone as it is stronger and not so subject to erosion from acid rain and so many of our churches are made of wood instead of stone , but the cornerstone is there non - the - less , only it is usually more of a ceremonial stone set in a prominent place on the outside of the building with an inscription on it usually with the date the building was constructed . Sometimes there is a time capsule included and sometimes the ceremony of laying the cornerstone includes placing an offering of grain , wine , or oil under the stone , reminiscent of both Old and New Testament times . The grain , wine and oil were symbolic of the produce and the people of the land and how they earned their livings . This in turn derived from the practice in still more ancient times of making an animal or human sacrifice that was laid in the foundations . I learned that this practice wasn 't so ancient in a cultural center in Fiji where we were told of how enemy warriors used to be buried under the four corners of the foundation of a building . Their strength would make the foundations strong . " . . . The Deputy Provincial Grand Master of Munster , applying the golden square and level to the stone said ; " My Lord Bishop , the stone has been proved and found to be ' fair work and square work ' and fit to be laid as the foundation stone of this Holy Temple " . ' After this , Bishop Gregg spread cement over the stone with a trowel specially made for the occasion by John Hawkesworth , a silversmith and a jeweller . He then gave the stone three knocks with a mallet and declared the stone to be ' duly and truly laid ' . The Deputy Provincial Grand Master of Munster poured offerings of corn , oil and wine over the stone after Bishop Gregg had declared it to be ' duly and truly laid ' . The Provincial Grand Chaplain of the Masonic Order in Munster then read out the following prayer : ' May the Great Architect of the universe enable us as successfully to carry out and finish this work . May He protect the workmen from danger and accident , and long preserve the structure from decay ; and may He grant us all our needed supply , the corn of nourishment , the wine of refreshment , and the oil of joy , Amen . So mote it be . ' The choir and congregation then sang the 100th Psalm . " In the Eastern Orthodox tradition , and in some Western Churches as well , the cornerstone is a solid stone cube upon which a cross has been carved . In the top of the stone a cross - shaped space is hollowed out into which relics may be placed . If no relics are inserted in the stone , the inscription may be omitted , but not the cross . We are reminded as we look at these buildings that Jesus is the cornerstone . And he is the cornerstone of how we build our lives and our communities . If we try to use some other cornerstone , we risk putting up a foundation that is not true and risks falling down . Christ , the cornerstone of our faith , is a faultless love ; a love whose resurrection made a promise of our own resurrection to come . Christ is the cornerstone , whose resurrection promises us a home , a dwelling place , with Him and with the Father : a place prepared for each of us , where the foundations have been well and truly laid . We , the living stones , are called to build block by block the church , which grows in spite of our own imperfections . We , the living stones , are called to become perfect because the cornerstone was laid true . The cornerstone in whom we are able to get a glimpse of God our creator . Our precipitation or laying down of our own calcium carbonate into the underground stream of living water leaves a legacy of our faith to those who follow and the pattern of the divine architect will continue being built until it reaches perfection when we are in God 's time . Fred Marple has us Yankees down pat . I needed a bit of laughter today . His " class " looks to me like the usual suspects in any New England town . Hope you enjoyed that . It lets us see all 11 panels , even if some of the faces have been replaced . I 've been following the controversy in daily posts on Facebook , but this is too good not to share more widely . We then headed off toward the Dead Sea to have a look at Masada . We stopped at one viewing spot where the smell of sulfur was very strong . Saw a yellow trail going into the sea , just like some hot springs in California . In fact the whole area reminded me of the Salton Sea area , only with really high hills on both sides of the sea . The sky wasn 't completely clear , so seeing the hills on the Jordan side was problematic . Lunch at the cafeteria in Masada , then up the cable car to the top . It 's hard to believe that Herod built a palace here . What amazing views ! I will add to this a bit later . Doug and I went to the 11am Eucharist . Good message . It was about walls and the city of Bethlehem . The Palestinians there , both Chrstian and Muslim , are walled in by a thirty foot high wall . It is almost impossible for them to get out to visit relatives , to get medical care or to tend lands that are outside the city . The message was the difference between our ability to go in and kiss the star in the Church of the Nativity , in essence to " see " Christ , and our inability to see Christ in all of God 's people . We talked a bit about this over a beer . Doug works for UNICEF and he says Palestinians , who are behind the walls have little access to medical care , since it is primarily in Jerusalem and the Israeli authorities won 't give permission for people to leave . Nitrates in drinking water is a big problem for the little ones . There are inadequate amounts , and pollution control is negligible . Many of the children under two are " blue babies " . The US Center for Disease Control is getting involved , but it is hard to get them into the West Bank or Gaza because of security issues , so much of the work needs to be done remotely . Can you imagine your doctor not being able to see your child . In addition , schools are not being built because they can 't get building materials in , so kids are not being educated . After church , we walked through many bazaars , bought some Zatar ( a spice I just live on bread ) , and then went into West Jerusalem , with it 's fancy shops for a sandwich . Quite a contrast . We passed David 's tower and two gates to the old city , did a quick run through the Holy Sepulcher ( crowded , but I 'll go back during the course ) , then stopped for the beer before heading back . It is fascinating that on one side of the highway the homes have black tanks on the roofs to hold water in case the supply is shut off . The other side doesn 't have to worry about whether they will have water . And this is in the city of Jerusalem . Robert Frost said something like " something there is that doesn 't like a wall . " well I was completely offended by a walled - in Jewish settlement we accidentally came upon while trying to drive up to the Mount of Olives . The settlement walls at one spot seemed far higher than those across the way for the old city walls across the valley and are of ugly concrete . The views at the top are lovely . Some peaceful gardens of olives going down the hillside , the gilded - domed Russian Orthodox Church of Mary Magdalene , the old walls with Lion 's Gate , the Dome of the Rock , and little boys trying to sell olive branches and a man with his camel selling rides ( or getting money to take a picture ) . Tour busses would have gone a totally different way so tourists would not likely have seen what we did . My friend , and host for the next couple of days , Doug , cooked us a wonderful slow cooked roast beef dinner . That and a glass of wine knocked me out . Of course I had been up for over 24 hours with some sleep on the plane . When I was ordained in 2000 , my son joked " my mother is a father . " So the name . I worked as a scientist for over 30 years , first in Boston , then LA , San Francisco area , Denver , D . C , Vienna and back to San Fran . Good training for an interim who has served in Eastern Michigan , Wyoming , California and now Maine . New things happen in regimes that we have learned to identify as being ' at the edge of chaos . ' Too far on the orderly side of that frontier and things are too rigid for there to be more than a shuffling rearrangement of already existing entities . Too far on the disorderly side and things are too haphazard for any novelties to persist . John Polkinghorne , Exploring Reality : The Intertwining of Science and Religion .
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The entire month of October was a mismatch of joy and heartbreak . My son came home from Afghanistan . Got to meet his new baby girl Mackayla for the first time . He was reunited with him wife and children and all seemed to be right with the world . I was very relieved and great joy washed over me to know my baby had made it home again safe from the war again . Then by that same weekend my heart broke in two . I was reading facebook and one of the post read , please pray for my granddaughter and her friends who were hit by a car last night and is fighting for their lives . I stopped cold and read it again because someone is always asking for prayers . I work with Mia 's grandmother Cecie and used to work with her grandfather Howard . They are wonderful people and did not deserve this horrendous suffering that was thrown upon them . Mia and her friends were in the crosswalk coming home from the park with her big sister . It was horrible accident and the woman driving was very careless . Once she hit the girls she did not stop for 50 yards ( that is half a football field ) . These little five and six year old girls did not deserve this . Mia suffered many injuries and her little body could not sustain and hang onto life any longer and she went to be with the lord on October 24 , 2011 . Even though Mia was not my flesh and blood it did not stop me from loving her and caring about her like she was one of my own . Last week we laid little Mia fragile body to rest . I know in my heart she is sitting next to God helping him teach all the new angels flying lesson cause that 's just the way she was . Sassy , bossy and full of life , nit meet anyone who was not her friend . God Bless you little Mia I feel safe knowing you are watching over us all . You will always be beautiful and young and full of spirit . You will always live in our hearts . Dedicated to Amelia Paige Decker November 30 , 2004 - October 24 , 2011 . Posted by I am writing this post tonight with a very heavy heart . Two very dear friends are sitting at the UMC Children 's hospital watching vigilance over their 6 year old grandchild that was hit by a car on Friday night . She is only 6 years old and is very critical condition along with two other girls her age . They were walking home with her from the park they were in the crosswalk crossing the street and a 78 year old lady pulls around the stopped car and plow into the three young girls while the two older girls watched . I cannot imagine how her sister feels watching her younger sister getting hit by that car and now knowing she might not live thru the night . I look at the week I have had with my own personal heath issue and nothing can be as bad as this . Just holding on to every ounce of hope and praying that there will be a miracle . Please keep this family in your prayers . And pray for a miracle . Posted by It has been one of those week were I have tried to look at others for my own happiness . I have to stop and remember that I can only make me happy . Once I am happy I can enjoy the happiness of others . This menopause sucks . It has my heart , my head and my body standing on edge . Most of the time I feel like I 've got a lighted match under my skin . I cry at the drop of a hat and my head is somewhere other than on my shoulders , I am afraid to bend over to see if that 's where is gone . It is driving me crazy , put the covers on , kick the cover off , turn on the ceiling fan , turn off the ceiling fan . Wake up in the night ringing wet , get up and change clothes . Good thinks I have lots of jammies . Look at babies and start to cry cause my babies aren 't babies anymore . My head is everywhere except where it should be . I love to do art but can 't see to focus . Can 't sit still , hard to concentrate at work , hard to sit still but don 't have the energy to do anything other than just sit around . Sometimes I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin . Now that I have put this on paper I am thinking maybe I need to go see a professional . Oh yeah I did and what did she say you are in MENOPAUSE … IT WILL PASS … I want to know when because I 've forgotten how to laugh at myself . And laughter is the best medicine and of course an apple a day . Posted by Hi - It 's a new month and I am hoping this one will be happy , busy and creative . I am looking forward to my son coming home from Afghanistan sometime this month . I won 't get to see him until Christmas time but at least he will be back on American soil . I have been doing really pretty well with my swaps . I have completed 4 and had all ratings of fives and hearts ( which is the top rating ) on all of them . I am very excited about that . I am looking forward to a round robin mixed media book that I have gotten involved with . I have picked a vintage theme for my book . My first page has to be sent out by October 12 , 2011 and that is pretty exciting . I hope I can be as equally inspirational and creative as my fellow participants . I am also getting ready for a craft fair I am doing with a friend , I am very excited about that and hopefully it will go well . My other friend is going to come over on Friday and we are going to have a craft day so that should be fun . I am in need of some laughter in my life . I think life is way to short not to have fun and be kind and loving to each other . So on that note - Love you all thanks for stopping by and please follow my blog if you don 't already . Posted by My mood has changed and I am so excited . I received three orders for a total of 6 of my greeting cards . I have just recently started to make cards and this is the first time selling them . I brought them to work yesterday to get opinions and when I came to work today I was asked if I would make 3 birthday cards and 2 thank you cards and sympathy card . However I am not sure what I should charge for these cards . I ended up charging between 3 . 00 and 5 . 00 depending on the embellishment I put into each card . I would like to do some for the upcoming craft show . But still not sure about the pricing . Don 't want to out price myself out of the game . I am smiling again … . Posted by I am feeling so blue today . I am not really sure why , I can feel the sadness creeping in my soul . I have to work today so I will not be able to create . Most of the time that takes the blues away and makes me feel much better . I think it 's because I feel like I have accomplished something when I am finished . Maybe it because it brings the joy out instead of the darkness lingering inside of me . Have you ever heard that saying Insanity : Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results . That is how I feel when I try to deal with my father . I always want to say , you would give the shirt off your back for a stranger but wouldn 't do anything to help your own family . I just don 't understand it . But every time I think I will get a different reaction and I just keep disappointing myself . After 56 years you would think I would learn . But instead I set myself up for the rejection . Now I have to wonder if there is something wrong with me or is the other person ? ? ? ? I 'd be happy to hear any thoughts or comments on this subject . Posted by My bubble has been burst . I was so happy to find places to swap . I have encountered some very rude and unfriendly people on Split Coast Stampers website . I have tried to join a few groups and get no reply . I have also joined one and then found out I was not eligible to join a swap because I was a " newbie " . However , the hostess of the swap has been very gracious and helpful in trying to help me find my way on this site . I have found a few other sites that seem to be friendlier but they still have strict rules about being rated before you can swap . If you are not allowed to swap , then how , on earth can you can get rated . I was under the impression that everyone had to be new at one point or another . No , I will not die if I cannot do a swap . I thought it would be really fun to create and get something traded and compare the different techniques of how things are done . But most of all I was looking forward to sharing and bonding with other crafters and artist . I think that is all I have to say on this subject , except I am sad , but I will get over it as this too shall pass . Thanks for listening to me and hope to see you again soon … . . It happened on Saturday at 12 : 05 am my inspiration returned home safely after being gone for 9 days . I have never been happier to see anyone except Erik when he came home from Iraq the last time . I am very glad to say I have found my inspiration . Created several things yesterday and feel very grateful and relieved that my inspiration has returned to me . I was lost in the water last week . I can now attempt to continue working on my upcoming Doodlebug craft fair I am doing with my friend . Posted by I am so excited I have joined a group called , Swap - Bot , where I can do some projects and get into swapping some art with others . I have signed up for two swaps so far one is a Halloween ATC and a TP ( toilet paper ) tube fall project . I can hardly wait to get started . I can feel the creative juices flowing . This has been quite the week . My inspiration ( my hubby Rob ) will be home tomorrow night and I can hardly wait , he has been gone 8 days . After thirty eight years you would think I wouldn 't be this excited . But I really have missed him and can 't wait for him to get home to me . Plus I know the dogs have missed him too , as he is the treat giver and I have been a little lax on those this week . Thanks for sharing in my excitement and I will be post pictures of what I have sent for my swaps as I get them done . I will be talking to you again soon … . My husband Rob is driving our daughter in law and two grandchildren to New York from Kansas this week to get the house ready for when my son Erik comes home from Afghanistan . I don 't mind being alone . I had loads of plans I was going to create , create but I am blank . Nothing is coming to my heart to create . As I am new at this art thing , I would think I would have millions of ideas floating in my mind . But nothing … Where do you go for inspiration ? Pray I thought I would ask God to help me with finding my inspiration . But still nothing , but today is not over and I still have time . Hopefully I will find my way ……… But I think my inspiration will be back on Friday my love of 38 years . Posted by I know that some people say to be an artist you must have sold some of your work . I am not sure if I could call myself an artist . I tinker with mixed media projects , and make beautiful lighted wine bottles . All these creations come from my heart and soul . When I do a project I feel it , it seems to come from deep within me . I can visualize the colors and the theme . I read once , I think it was Rice Freeman - Zachary who said " that you need to just express yourself and not over think your project " . I have tried to follow that advice and it seems to work most of the time for me . When I first started to create I would keep adding and making changes and when I was finished I never really liked it anymore . Now I seem to see it , do it and leave it alone . I look at the very first art journal I did and see the simplicity of each page . Now I look at the most recent art journal I finished and I see the beauty I have been able to find in the colors and textures I use . It makes me feel good about myself and I hope that other who see it and get that same over all good feeling too . Thanks for stopping by … . As I sat here trying to figure out what I wanted to write on my blog , I suddenly started to laugh . I thought about laughter being the best medicine . A laugh a day keeps the doctor away . Something like that anyway … or is that an apple a day ? I started to think about things that kids say . The week before my birthday , I was feeling sad as my oldest son and his family had left to move back to Kenosha , WI and my youngest son is over in Afghanistan , and his family is in Kansas . I was feeling kind of lonely and sad , starting to realize I am not getting any younger . My husband and I and our dear friends Lee and Carlanda went to a comedy show at the Golden Nugget , in downtown Las Vegas . We saw Gordie Brown and I laughed for almost an hour and half . That is just what I needed . I felt much better , and as I said before , laughter IS the best medicine . My 24 year old son Erik , who is an Army soldier , is having a discussion with his new bride and tells her that he gets the side of the bed away from the closet . Jen looks at him with a question mark and Erik states , " I don 't want the closet monster to get me " . Jen just laughs and says well after he gets me , your 're next . My nephew Jack is quite the character . He loved teddy bears . When he was about four years old my sister Joie and Jack were at Build a Bear looking at Halloween costumes for his bears . Jack looks at her after picking out several costumes for his bears and is ready to go pay . Of course if you have ever been to Build a Bear , each costume costs about 10 . 00 each . Joie said let 's go home and see what bears you are going to take trick or treating and Jack gets this serious look on his face and says " Are you going to tell the others they can 't go . " I still think my favorite Jack story is the one about the time they were at church . The minister 's entire sermon was on walking Jesus ' way or Satan 's way . At the end of the service the minister says which way will you be following this week , Jesus or Satan ? Jack looks at his mother and says " I am going to followMarlene Everything we think and feel is creating our future . ' ' To gain happiness , you must learn to enjoy that which you have . It is not how much you have . It is what we think about that which we have that produces happiness . In building a happy , contented life , you must give happiness to others . I took this from my friend Honey 's Facebook post . I find her quotes and affirmations very comforting . It made me stop and think about my life and what I have and what I give away . I am not talking about giving away material things . I am referring to giving of myself to others . I try to be helpful to others and to do the right thing . I have a few friends and allot of acquaintances . I hold my friends true to my heart as they are far and few between . I learned al long time ago you have to be a friend to have a friend . What is a good friend you ask ? My definition of being a friend is being there to listen when they need an ear , to hold their hand when they are fearful , to cry with them when they are sad . But most of all to laugh even when it 's not funny because sometimes you just have to have a laugh to make it all go away . I have different categories of friends , I have work friends who make my days fly by as we do our work and laugh and joke to make the week and the stress go by . I have wonderful facebook friends whom I have never met but feel a connection with . They always give me a lift and a laugh . I have childhood friends who I keep in touch with but hardly ever see , because we are spread all over the place . I have deep down soul friends who I know I can tell anything and everything and it will never be told to another living sole . I love these friends like they are family , maybe more that family . I think the friends in my life know who you are without being named one by one . I love and care about all of you . Thanks for letting me ramble on . . . . . . Until next time . Posted by As I was driving to work this morning , down the highways of bended fenders and broken tail lights , changing lanes ; I started to wonder what others in their cars around me are thinking . Were they just spaced out as I was just trying to get to work on time and safely or were they chatting on their cell phones ? As I was driving and observing my surroundings , I realized my exit is almost upon me . I start to change lanes and the car behind me speeds up . Once I get in front of him , I still need to go over one more lane , he pull right out and cuts me off , so I can 't get in the lane I need to get to the off ramp . So I decided to give him the middle finger salute and then I stopped myself , Thinking why not just let it go and not start my day off aggravated and upset . I think if more of us would stop and say to ourselves how important will this be a year from now . We might let the little things in life go . I am sure on August 23 , 2012 , I will not remember that man in the white car . So I think my affirmation will be live and let live and be kind to others . Although , sometimes , that can be hard to do , as I work in the complaint department at a very large timeshare company . We get all the complaints , that go to our upper management some that are really legitimate and others not so much , like the time we got a letter stating he was upset that there was not enough chocolate icing on his éclair . All I can say is that each and every one of us is unique in our own way and that 's okay . Posted by That is the question that comes to my mind . My friend Carlanda is always encouraging me to step up and speak my mind . I always tell her what do I have to say that anybody wants to hear . Sure I am just like everybody else I have my opinions . But they are just that , my opinions , everybody has one or two or a million . I like to talk just as much as the next guy . But having something worthwhile to say , for others to want to lean an ear and listen or even repeat it . Nah I got nothing to say … . Or do I stay tuned for the next edition … . Posted by Hi , I am Marlene also known as Mar Mar . My friends got me into doing collage a year or so ago . I really have fun with it . I work 4 / 10 's so on my day off I try to spend the day in my craft room . My husband created it for me on my 55th birthday . I have been married to Rob for the last thirty eight years . We have two sons . They are both married and have families of their own . We have 5 grandchildren . Joe and Marlo have Jilly and Marissa and live in Wisconsin and Erik is in the Army in Afghanistan ( coming home in November ) . Erik and Jen are stationed in Watertown , New York with their two children Michael and Mickayla . My oldest granddaughter Caitlyn lives in North Carolina with her mom and step dad . Since my kids have all left the nest , I have taken in stray and unwanted dogs . I have two golden Labs , a Cockapoo and a Westie who have all been rescued . However , Chewy is the oldest and it 's almost time for him to join his brothers and sisters in heaven . He will let me know when it is time . But on a happier note . . Some of my favorite things to do are listen to music , hang with friends and being in the water . I am inspired by my friend Carlanda and my new facebook friend Jodi Ohl .
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I remember a year or so ago wanting to get a better camera . I had the Fuji A205 , which was pretty good , but not great . The A205 was 2 MP , which was good , but not excellent . I was looking at cameras like the A340 and the A345 . Then , my mother got me the F10 . The F10 is a 6 MP camera , meaning that it records six million bits of information . Many people think that this refers to the quality of the picture , which is true to an extent . ( The truth is that it refers to the size of the largest picture you can make without losing quality . ) Fuji cameras have what they call a Super CCD , meaning that it 's larger than the average CCD and is capable of recording more . I haven 't been able to compare pixel by pixel , but the Fuji does seem to get much better pictures . I 've been able to make big enlargements with 20 by 30 being around the largest I could get . Having seen enlargements from other cameras , it 's not that bad . You do have to use the screen to compose shots , which will drain the battery and will also leave you with ( I really don 't like the trend in point - and - shoot cameras for that reason . ) The size of the screen is good . You can look at it and generally tell which ones are good and which ones aren 't . I don 't usually know which will be best until I get to my computer , though , so I 'm still in the habit of taking several shots . Even though Fuji is good with macro shots , I 've had trouble taking them with the F10 . If I 'm photographing something close to the camera , I can usually get it in under six shots . Sometimes , it will take me several dozen shots and I still may not get the shot . Shooting in dark areas I also took some pictures of bamboo in low light that came out well with the natural light mode . ( It even worked better than with a flash . ) I found that focusing can take a while in dark areas . It has a green light that comes on and may take several seconds to actually take the shot . In daylight , I didn 't find any real shutter lag , even when using the flash . When I use continuous shooting , I can take usually one or two would have been nice , but that 's why I got a digital SLR . For a small pocket - sized camera , it does well . The F10 uses a proprietary battery and is thus much smaller . I wasn 't sold on the lithium ion batteries before I got the F10 , mostly because I didn 't want to make an investment in a proprietary battery . I will say that they do last a lot longer . I can go a few hundred shots per charge and it doesn 't go away overnight , like the AA batteries used to . Due to the smaller size , I was able to take the F10 to my cousin 's wedding and keep in in my pocket . The one down side is that it uses this convoluted system of wires and adapters to charge the battery , which you also have to use to download pictures . I ended up getting a memory card reader installed in my computer and separate charger for the battery because I kept losing stuff . This was the one area that I felt Fuji dropped the ball . You also have to use xD media cards with the F10 . The newer Fuji cameras use both xD and SD , which is good . I am somewhat afraid that xD will go away , but I 'm not particularly impressed with the new line of Fuji , so it might not even matter if I ever have to replace this camera . I used to use a camera that used Smart Media and now have a Nikon D50 , so I already had to change formats twice . 6 . 3 mega pixels do well enough for 4x6 photos . If you have one or can find one on clearance somewhere and can handle the few disadvantages I 've mentioned , then by all means go for it . The F10 is still a great camera . However , if you 're coming in from another brand like Nikon or Canon and already have the memory cards , the F40 or the A900 might be better choices . In case you 're wondering why I haven 't mentioned the video mode , it 's because cameras like this aren 't really meant for video . In the year or two that I 've had this camera , I 've rarely used it . I don 't think I 've even used it outside of my house . Yes , it uses sound , but you 're going to get better quality out of a video camera . Unless you 're using it for YouTube , don 't bother . As for menus , it 's like driving . You just have to It 's odd that Epinions would have Freecell available for review . It 's not like you really have much of a choice in acquiring this product . Either you get it or you don 't . Freecell usually comes with the more recent versions of Windows . ( Older versions have the generic solitaire . ) Freecell , some of the solitaire rules apply , but others don 't . For instance , all 52 cards are dealt out in eight columns . The first four columns have seven cards each and the remaining four have six each . Above the eight columns are eight spaces . The four on the left are your free cells , which is where the game gets its name . On the right are the four spaces where all of the cards are supposed to eventually end up . ( I 'll go into greater detail later . ) The 52 cards are laid out randomly . The rules for moving them are like the solitaire you may be used to . If you want to move a card , you start with the bottom card . It can be moved to any card that 's one higher and of the opposite color . ( Jack is like eleven , the queen is equivalent to twelve and the king is played as thirteen . ) The two of hearts can either be moved to the three of clubs or the three of spades . The ten of spades can be put on either the jack of hearts or the jack of diamonds . If a column is empty , you can put any card there . If you need to get at a card , you can use the free cells to hold cards . ( Each cell can hold only one at a time . ) If you have an alternating series , you can move any part of the series that you have space for . That 's where the free cells come in . To move a series like that , you are theoretically moving one card at a time to the free cells and back down again or to free columns . You 're limited by the number of cells and columns you have available . I 'd suggest keeping as many free cells open as possible . ( If you 're good , you can find ways around this , but you 're still going to need either free cells or empty columns . ) Like the solitaire you may have played as a kid , the object of the game is to get all of the cards to those four spaces on the top right that I mentioned before . You start with the ace of each suit . There 's one space for each suit ; the order doesn 't matter . Once an ace is placed in one of these spaces , you move on to the two of the same suit . ( The aces are always automatically moved up once they become available . The rest of the cards are moved up once they serve no other purpose . ) You can move the two up as soon as the ace is there , although it 's not always a good idea to move cards up as soon as they become available . Once all of the cards are in these four columns , you win . When the game is over , you can be dealt either a random hand or you can choose one by number . It sounds easy , but it 's not . They say it 's possible to win every hand dealt to you , but it 's more than likely that you 'll lose , and that 's done when there are no possible moves left . There 's no actual scoring , so you either win or you lose . It will take you a while to get the feel of the game . You 'll find that there are certain strategies that work and some that don 't . I 've found it 's best that you keep at least two of the free cells open at all times and try to keep at least one column open if possible . Also , don 't move a card just for the sake of moving a card . Make sure you know what you 're doing . The game is very easy to learn and play on the computer . ( I don 't know that I 'd have the patience to do this with a real deck of cards . Moving the cards would be too difficult . ) A big advantage of playing on the computer is that it keeps stats . After 641 games , I 've one 55 % of them . My longest winning streak was 9 games and the longest losing streak was 7 . There 's no way to keep separate stats for different people except to clear the stats . ( You 'd have to write down your stats before someone else clears them . ) This is a great game only because of its simplicity . If you 're looking for a way to waste just a few minutes , play Freecell . You may find that you 'll be wasting several hours . Posted by Jigsaw puzzles tend to run along the same basic concept . You have an image split up in to tiny pieces . There are a lot of different images out there and the puzzles vary in size from 10 pieces up to the thousands . You don 't see a lot of innovation . Yes , they had 3 - D puzzles , which I bought and tried . But I 've never seen a jigsaw puzzle and thought , " Wow ! Now that 's a lot more interesting than your average puzzle ! " Many years ago , someone got me the Murder Most Artful jigsaw puzzle . You 're given a story and a puzzle . First , you read the story about an art forger found dead near a painting . When you 're done , you put the puzzle together to see the painting that he was working on . You have to use the story and the painting to figure out who did it . Once you 've figured it out or given up , you can read the solution on the last page . ( The solution is printed backwards , so you 'll need I did the puzzle many years ago . Even then , it wasn 't overly difficult to figure out . The puzzle is 500 pieces , which wasn 't that difficult for me to put together . When I did put it together , I don 't remember it taking me that long to figure out who did it . ( In case you want to do the puzzle , I won 't ruin it for you . ) Since putting the puzzle together is the first step in figuring out who did it , you don 't get a preview image of the puzzle . This wasn 't really an issue . I 've done puzzles without a preview . I was able to finish the puzzle before figuring it out . However , I have to admit that you don 't really need the entire puzzle to get it . In fact , it 's entirely possible that you 'll figure it out before the puzzle checked to see if the puzzle was part of a series . Now that I 'm dong the review , I did look . It was hard to find stuff because of the name , but I was able to find at least one other puzzle that had an Alfred Hitchcock theme . I don 't know that I 'd recommend it , but I don 't think I 'd recommend against getting it . For someone that 's used to 1000 + pieces , this will by no means be a challenge for you . The only thing it will provide is a little distraction . I don 't do jigsaw puzzles much any more , but I don 't know if I 'd get the other puzzle if I Judy Hopps lives in a world of anthropomorphic animals . She likes to think that she can be whatever she wants . If predator and prey can live side by side , then surely anything is possible . She wants to be a police officer , which is something no rabbit has ever done . ( This despite Mayor Lionheart 's diversity agenda . ) So , she sets off to the police academy and does it . She graduates top of her class only to be assigned to parking enforcement . Not satisfied with being the token bunny , she offers to solve the case of a missing otter . Before Captain Bogo can fire her , the wife of the missing otter thanks Judy with the assistant mayor not far behind . The captain gives her 48 hours to solve the case . If not , she resigns . I remember hearing how the movie was an analogy to our own world We like to think of ourselves as being evolved . We have art and electricity and language . We can use tools . We 've even been to the moon , even if it was for the briefest of visits . What makes us different from the rest of the animal kingdom ? We claim we can get along , but that doesn 't always mean we do get along . Many of these issues come up in the movie . Zootopia seems to be a great city on the surface . There are trains that can accommodate animals of all sizes . There are different districts for different ecosystems , but animals have physical mobility . They can go anywhere they want . Things are different once you get to know the animals . The assistant mayor is a sheep that the mayor pushes around . Judy enlists the help of Nick Wilde , a red fox who doesn 't see the point in being anything other than a hustler . Yes , it 's possible , in theory , to be whatever you want , but real life will beat you into submission . The movie is able to walk a fine line , though . Judy is enthusiastic , but not to the point of being annoying . Nick is jaded , but not to the point of being a downer . They make a perfect odd couple . They work together and even might consider themselves friends , despite opposing viewpoints . Some of the points the movie makes are pretty blunt . ( Judy points out that it 's only acceptable to call another rabbit cute if you 're a fellow rabbit . ) Some of it is more subtle . Judy is told by the assistant mayor that prey have to stick together . We need Judy to be enthusiastic . We need her to hit the brick wall with full force . Early in the movie , Judy defends a sheep against a fox that stole the sheep 's tickets from a fair . Judy gets some scratches , but she also gets the tickets back . On the other hand , she does need Nick to pull her back a little bit . He brings her to a DMV office run by sloths . ( The scene was less annoying than it could have been . ) Judy 's energy is evenly matched by the sloths ' lethargy , which is something Nick is all too happy to make evident . The movie was entertaining without being preachy . It was on a level that most children would understand and that parents could enjoy and even use as reference when children are exposed to similar situations . Judy is given fox repellant by her parents because , well , you know … foxes . Even after Judy has known Nick for a while , she still reaches for the repellant . I 'd say that overall , the movie is safe for children . There are a few potentially scary scenes . However , you are probably going to have a conversation afterwards . on a map . Then , I realized that I had to know where the picture was taken . In most cases , I know roughly where the picture is . I can at least get it to within a block or two . I wanted more , though . I began looking at the Nikon D200 because it has the ability to place GPS coordinates in the file 's data , assuming you had the appropriate accessories . The thing was that I didn 't want to shell out $ 999 . 99 ( plus tax ) for the camera and then have to shell out a few more hundred dollars for the accessories . When I heard that Eye - Fi was coming out with a GPS - enabled card , I bought it instantly . I should have done my homework first . First off , it 's not really GPS . The card uses waypoints to triangulate its position . This is basically any accessible network that the camera can pick up . ( It 's supposed to have a range of 90 feet . ) The card then saves the data to the file . When you get home , Eye - Fi 's server is supposed to be able to take the data and place the picture to within 20 meters of the exact location . This is important for several reasons . First , if there are no waypoints , there 's no geotagging . From what I understand , some cities are better than others . If you 're going through an area where you 're never short of waypoints , then all of your pictures will be accurately tagged . If you 're in the middle of the Everglades and there 's no civilization for several miles , your out of luck . Even in Miami , I 've had mixed results . When I take a picture at my house , the pictures are put right in front of my house . ( This may be because I have a wireless network . ) If I leave my house and walk around my neighborhood , the results are less accurate . I 've taken pictures of street signs ( yes , the kind that show what street you want to upload to . You have to select one and only one . You can upload to RitzPix . com or Flickr , but not both at the same time . All selections are made though Eye - Fi 's Web site , including entering your username and password for the site you want to upload to . I initially chose RitzPix . com because I wanted to be more selective about which ones I uploaded to Flickr . When I selected the ones I wanted to upload to Flickr and actually tried to upload them , I realized that there was no geotagging at all . I tried several different things and even asked around to see if anyone else had had this problem . I eventually thought that you have to upload to Flickr through Eye - Fi 's site . I found this odd , considering that the information was already in the metadata . ( I have a program to check . ) I 've tried a picture or two since , only to find that it works . ( Maybe it 's a software update . I don 't know . ) Of the ones that I do have posted , I 've noticed that a lot of the locations aren 't that accurate . When I take pictures around where I work , there 's no geotagging at all . I 've also taken pictures elsewhere and either found it not to work or start working around the fifteenth or twentieth picture . Even then , I 've had pictures that were way off . Also , if you 're taking stuff at a large location , like a park or a university , you may find the geotagging at one central location rather than the actual individual locations . Other reviews I 've seen online share similar results . This hasn 't been an issue so far because I usually know where the pictures are taken . However , I got the card for those times when I 'm not so sure . I wanted the card to be able to place the picture for me . If I 'm in a city I don 't know , I can 't place them as easily . As I mentioned , you have to install some software . This is so that the camera knows that the you have a wireless network and / or high - speed Internet . ( Once again , this means entering a password and name , this time for the wireless network that you may or may not have . ) It will also tell you how to adjust your power settings to better allow your camera to transmit pictures if it does find a wireless waypoint . You can only transmit back to your house through public access points such as ones found at McDonalds . I 've never had this actually work yet , probably because my D50 is too old . ( There weren 't even any instructions on how to adjust my power settings . I had to figure this out later . ) I also made the mistake of reformatting my card , then realizing that the software was on the card . This isn 't a big deal since you only need the software to set up the card . I can download the software from Eye - Fi 's site for free if I ever reformat or replace my computer . Does it work ? At first , I had to actually put the memory card into my computer 's internal USB reader to get them to automatically upload . ( Yes , I can just copy them at this point , but then they wouldn 't be retagged on Flickr . ) I eventually figured out how to get it to work . I 've also had cases where I 've been taking pictures around the house and part of one picture will load onto my computer . Again , this has to do with power settings . You have to be able to get the camera to supply enough constant power to the card for it to transmit everything . You have the option of not uploading to your computer via waypoints at all , which may or may not be a good idea . You get free access to the waypoints for only one year . It 's probably better to break the habit early , though . You also have the option of not uploading to any file - sharing site at all , but you have to make these decisions over the Web . This means that if you don 't want to transmit certain pictures , you either have to stop what your doing and log on to the Web or switch to another SD card that isn 't an Eye - Fi card . This can be difficult for people that travel a lot or are on vacation . Sometimes , I forget that I have the Eye - Fi card in there . What I 've been doing if there 's one or two pictures I don 't want to upload is to simply upload all the pictures and remove the ones I don 't want . If you upload all of your pictures before you can get home , though , you may have a lot of removing to do at once and it is possible that people will have seen them already . So far as I know , the card only comes in the 2GB size . This is fine , considering that the D50 can 't take SDHC cards . Yes , this is a firmware problem , but I 'm not expecting any updates any time soon . It also only comes in SD . If you use compact flash , you can use an adapter . If you use a Memory Stick or xD , you 're just out of luck . Overall , wanted accurate GPS coordinates all of the time and I got something that promised 70 % coverage in populated areas to within 20 meters . ( And it didn 't even deliver on that . ) I 'm going to hold on to it because it does work most of the time and when it does work , it makes it a little easier to actually place a picture on a map . The thing that drives me nuts is that I started out not knowing how to do a lot of things or thinking that I couldn 't do only to find out that I could . There are also a lot of things that I know I can do ( like launch the software ) but keep forgetting how to do or not being able to do occasionally . It 's enough to drive me crazy . Knowing what I know now , I think I would have been better off putting the $ 130 towards a D200 or D300 . At least I can warn others about it and put the money from this review towards a new body . If you know that you live in an area with accurate and reliable coverage , the money is worth it , especially if you 're already considering an Eye - Fi card . ( I seem to recall the basic model being $ 99 . ) On a side note , I 've heard that the new Nikon D90 is supposed to work well with this card , even going so far as to have special menus . I can 't give any specifics since I haven 't actually seen any . You 'd have to check the Nikon and Eye - Fi Web sites if had enough extra money to really consider buying one . Even then , I didn 't have much . I was thinking about spending about $ 20 , but I saw two sets in a music store that were $ 10 each . All I wanted was a set of headphones that would cover my ears . I didn 't need anything that was priced at $ 100 or more . I decided to go for the CV - 320 . At $ 10 , I figured that I could afford to buy the other ten - dollar set or maybe even spring for a twenty - dollar set if I felt like it . The set hasn 't broken ( irreparably ) yet . I 'm still debating whether or not to replace them . The first major problem I had was adjusting the width of the headphones . They 're uncomfortable unless they 're fully expanded , and comparable to any other headphones that go for $ 20 or less . It 's not the best thing that I 've ever heard , but it gets the job done without a lot of distortion or extra noise . In that sense , it was worth the money and I 've gotten at least a few months out of it . That 's not to say that the unit is without problem or incident . Each ear has separate at the maximum and adjust the iPod 's volume control as needed . I once took the headphones and iPod out to use once only to find that the volume had completely fallen off in one ear . At first , I thought that the headphones had broken already . ( This is usually the problem that I have with headphones that indicates that they 're going in the garbage . ) It turned out that the volume on that ear had been turned off . Also , the cushion on one ear came off . It took a little work to get it back on . I suppose that I 'm lucky that I got it back on . I don 't think I model . Sure , most headphones break , especially when you 're spending under $ 50 . However , I can 't see spending that much money on a pair of headphones , especially considering that I don 't really need the best quality . These headphones get three and a half stars , but I 'm going to round up in this case . I wouldn 't recommend them if you 're in the recording industry , but if you 're listening to a portable CD or MP3 player , you 'll find them adequate . Posted by The Defense Intelligence Agency has a problem . They 've been sending their best spies in to Soviet - controlled Asia , yet all of them are killed before reaching their target . The DIA 's solution is to send in two of their worst spies as decoys . Hopefully , this will throw off the enemy long enough for the actual spies to complete their mission . This is where Dan Aykroyd and Chevy Chase come in . They play Austin Millbarge and Emmett Fitz - Hume , respectively . Millbarge is a code breaker that 's stuck in a basement and will probably never be promoted . Fitz - Hume is a legacy employee and will probably never be promoted . Both want to take the foreign service exam , although for different reasons . Millbarge is smart and driven enough that he might pass , but Fitz - Hume gets both of them kicked out for cheating . The DIA realizes that they have their decoys . Millbarge and Fitz - Hume are told just enough that they could believe that they 'd be useful . They 're rushed through basic training . They 're given just enough details that they know where to go , but not enough to let them complete their given mission . That much doesn 't even become apparent until they 're in the thick of things . Hopefully , the Soviets will see the two of them bumbling around and capture them . This was one of those movies that I sort of remembered watching at some point in the past . There 's a good reason for this . The movie was released in 1985 and is dated . The Soviet Union has since dissolved . Many of the computers look like something out of a history book . Even the image of a spy is like something out of the 80s . It 's a very goofy movie , as you might expect from Aykroyd and Chase . There 's one scene where Millbarge and Fitz - Hume are talking to a group of doctors , posing as doctors themselves . Everyone greets each other as doctor . It 's a minute of people just saying , " Doctor , " to each other . I 've always wondered what actual spies / operatives even would think of movies like this . I know it 's supposed to be a comedy . Accuracy often takes a back seat to comedy . In that regard , you 're probably going to get some laughs out of the movie . I 'm not sure what those younger than me would think of the movie . This is something I could see someone my age watching with their kids where the parents laugh and the kids don 't quite get it . This movie was definitely a product of its time . I actually got this DVD player as a gift . My brothers and I wanted to get our parents a DVD player , so we went to Best Buy . There were expensive models and there were inexpensive ones . After some debate , we realized that our parents probably weren 't going to be in need of all sorts of bells and whistles . We eventually landed on this DVD player . It looked pretty good . It can not only play DVDs , but it can handle audio CDs and play MP3 and JPEG files burned to a CD . We figured that this would be enough . ( It turns out we were right , so don 't expect some dramatic turn for the worse . ) The DVD player works well . It seems to be more tolerant of scratches on the DVD surface than my computer is . ( My computer is a Dell Dimension 2400 . ) Fast forward and rewind work pretty well ; If I recall , you can go up to 16x in fast forward . I don 't know what it is for rewind . ( I usually use my computer for playing DVDs . ) The remote is easy to use to navigate through the menus . Any problems are usually due to difficulties with the actual DVD . play one of the features , but it kept freezing in the same spot . I had to turn the DVD player off in the back and turn it back on . This was much easier than having to unplug the unit . This is the only time I 've had it happen and again , I thing the problem was with the DVD ; I couldn 't get the same feature to work on my computer , either . We 've actually used it to play MP3 files and look at JPEG files a few times . The menu for accessing files is nothing special . You get simple text to move up and down for MP3 files ; you press play to make the song play . With pictures , it was a little harder . We only had to use it once when my brother brought home some digital pictures for us to look at . The pictures were scattered throughout several directories , which made it difficult to find them . There were some directories that didn 't have any pictures and the pictures were also duplicated in several directories . So far as I know , there 's no way to simply see all of the pictures on a DVD . I found that it was much easier to view the pictures on the computer . As for CDs , you 're going to be limited by your speakers . Depending on what kind of TV you have , you might want to consider a separate CD player . ( If you already have one , don 't plan on getting rid of it . ) Playing the CDs is easy ; the DVD player basically works like any CD player . The only thing I feel compelled to call a warning is about the cables . Like many other similar electronics , it has one of those cables that end in three color - coded heads on each side . ( Two are for audio and one is for video . ) You 're supposed to match player and the TV . Unfortunately , the colors don 't match up correctly , so that I ended up plugging one of the audio heads into the video plug . Whenever someone else tries to plug it in , we end up with mixed signals again and I have to correct it . ( We have to unplug the DVD player so infrequently that no one seems to remember . ) This is a great DVD player for someone who 's just starting or doesn 't really want anything complicated . It 's inexpensive , so it won 't set you back too much if you decide to upgrade later . This DVD player is what allowed my parents to eventually sign up for NetFlix . It 's not great , but it pretty Marlin and Coral , two clownfish , are going to be parents . They have several hundred baby clownfish on the way and Marlin wants to name half Marlin Jr . and the other half Coral Jr . They 've just moved into a great neighborhood and have great neighbors . Unfortunately , a big fish comes along and eats Coral and all but one of the eggs . Marlin names the one remaining fish Nemo , which is what Coral had wanted . The next scene is Marlin getting Nemo ready for school . Marlin is understandably protective of Nemo . Nemo is his only child and has a lame fin , too . ( Marlin tells Nemo that it 's his ' lucky ' fin . ) It 's a tense moment for Marlin having to let go , but Nemo 's excited . He can 't wait to get out and see things . The trouble is that Nemo 's going to a part of the ocean that Marlin considers dangerous . Marlin arrives just in time to see Nemo heading out towards a boat . This is where the action begins . Nemo , in an act of defiance , goes all the way out to the boat to show everyone that he can do it . On the way back , he gets captured by a diver . Everyone else manages to get to safety , but Marlin has lost his son . He has to go and find him . Along the way , he meets a blue fish named Dory . ( Yes , she 's a natural blue . ) Dory 's a little forgetful . She thinks it runs in the family , but she can 't really remember that far back . Either way , Marlin and Dory have a long journey ahead of them . They find the dentist 's mask . Since Dory can read , they know where to go . Figuring out how to get there is a different story . They are able to dentist 's other fish , which were all bought . To make matters worse , Nemo isn 't staying for very long . Nemo is to be presented to the dentist 's niece as a birthday present at the end of the week . The girl has a reputation as a fish killer . The dentist props up a picture of the girl for the fish to see and in it , there 's the fish she got as last year 's gift - floating in the bag she got it in ! Now , the pressure 's really on to get out . An angelfish by the name of Gil is the established leader of the fish tank . The others inhabiting the tank are Bloat , Peach , Bubbles , Deb , and Jacques . They all have to work to get Nemo out . easy . The movie 's rated G and 100 minutes in length . Despite the rating , you might want to consider before you take young children . As I mentioned , Coral and most of the eggs are eaten . You don 't actually see this happen , but you 'll probably have to explain why they 're gone . Marlin also faces some troubles on his way to find Nemo , including a shark that 's out to get him . ( The shark is part of an AA - type support group for sharks who don 't want to eat fish . ) I don 't know that it will necessarily scare or upset a child , but it 's something to consider . It should be an enjoyable movie for children and the adults that take them . I 'm an adult and enjoyed it on my own . ( I rented it from Netflix . ) My brother has also seen it and enjoyed the animation . ( He has an interest in art and CG . ) The animation alone will make watching this movie enjoyable . The DVD that I got from Netflix had a behind - the - scenes did well , a second MIB was released . In this installment , we have Agents J ( Will Smith ) and K ( Tommy Lee Jones ) returning . For those that J has been successful in helping the MIB to defend Earth against aliens and the like . One day , though , Serleena shows up . She 's looking for The Light of Zartha . She finds someone that may know something . When information isn 't forthcoming , she kills him in front of a hidden witness , Laura Vasquez . Serleena eventually takes over MIB headquarters looking for answers . The problem is that only K knows exactly what and where The Light is . J Once done , K reveals that The Light isn 't even supposed to be on Earth . The Zarthaians came to Earth hoping that the MIB would protect The Light , but it was too dangerous and they refused . Serleena isn 't willing to accept this . She 's intent on getting The Light . If you 've seen the coming attractions for Men in Black 3 , you can assume that J and K save the day . There are new characters , but there is a sense of familiarity . It was a big action movie with comedic elements . You have an alien demanding something that the MIB are at a loss to find . I didn 't mind . There was enough original material that it seemed new , overall . Also , you have Rosario Dawson as Laura . I can 't say I can complain about that . first , but you may miss a few things . It will also ruin certain elements of the first movie that will be ruined if you watch this one first . They were meant to be watched in order . ( Men in Black 3 doesn 't I 've had this pressing question on my mind for a while now . If there 's such a thing as Junior Mints , shouldn 't there be a candy called Senior Mints ? Or how about just Mints ? I hadn 't even thought of it until I saw a the size and shape of a peanut M & M . You can get three or four per bite , depending on how quickly you want to eat them . I 'm not too big on mint - based candies , mostly because the mint is usually so overpowering , as is the case with Junior Mints . If it was Chocolate with a hint of mint , it wouldn 't be so bad . Instead , the mint is so overpowering that you get mint with a hint of chocolate . I got bored with it pretty quickly . I wouldn 't say no to a free box , but I haven 't actually bought one for myself in a long time . Another problem that I had was that the Junior Mints would often melt or become fused to each other and the box . This makes them nearly impossible to get out without tearing the box apart . It 's not even a matter of getting the last one out . There were times when I 'd open a box and I 'd have to peel the box off to get this one huge mess of half - melted Junior Mints . Of course , I 'd want to eat it . ( I didn 't want to waste my 50 cents . ) It wasn 't pretty . Overall , it 's a two - star candy . Chocolate and mint don 't go well together when the mint is that strong . I 've had other candies , like Three Musketeers and Hershey Bars that have had a little mint and those have worked fine . Not Junior Mints . There were so many other candy bars that I remember enjoying . Posted by There are a few big names in candy that everyone knows . Jelly Belly is famous among jelly bean brands . M & M 's are known as the small round chocolate candies . Among candy bars , Hershey 's Milk Chocolate Bar is well known enough that most people would associate Hershey 's with the thin bar . For those that haven 't seen one up close , it 's a bar pieces aligned in a four - by - three grid . They used to come wrapped in foil with a paper wrapper on the outside . Now , I think they use a plastic wrapper . Back when I used to eat candy bars , I would occasionally get one of these . I 'd break off a row or a column to eat . Sometimes , I 'd eat one at a time . Usually , I 'd just eat the entire thing right out of the wrapper . The only thing I noticed was that my teeth would feel funny . I can 't quite explain it . It wasn 't quite a soreness , but it would always happen with Hershey 's Bars and no other candy . I 've never heard of anyone else having this problem , but I 've never really asked anyone . It might have to do with the fact that the Hershey 's bars are more sugar than most other chocolates . If I eat a bar that 's more cocoa , I don 't get the same problem . I think that 's what 's going to differentiate the Hershey bar from other bars . Hershey 's has more of a mass - produced feel to it . True , most people like chocolate anyway . It 's more like eating a McDonald 's hamburger versus eating one at a better restaurant . McDonald 's still tastes pretty good and is more affordable , but wouldn 't you rather have something from Appleby 's or Chili 's ? If I ever go back to eating candy bars , I may look into buying one of these . It 's been a while , but I remember liking them despite the one drawback . Maybe I 'll just have to eat one piece at a time . Posted by Usually , when I get Jelly Belly , I get the bag with thirty flavors . Occasionally , the store that I go to is out of them . Rather than go all over town , I 'll just get another variety . I usually only see the Tropical Mix and Smoothie Blend bags , although they do occasionally have about them . I 'm here to write about what I get when my first choice is out , which is the Tropical Mix . The Tropical Mix is what you 'd expect . Jelly Belly has taken their tropical flavors and put them in one bag . I can identify most of the flavors , such as orange and lemon - lime . Banana and green apple are in there , as well . They also have tangerine and pink grapefruit , I believe . I could go on , but I fear it would be an obvious attempt to pad my review . ( Come on … Not even the Jelly Belly site lists all the flavors in the bag . ) One thing that I do like about this bag is that it has a higher proportion of flavors I like to beans I don 't like . Lemon - lime is my favorite and lemon and orange are high on the list , as well . It 's kind of fun to not have to eat through flavors that I don 't like a much . There is also one flavor in this bag that I can 't get in the 30 - flavor bag . You 're probably asking at this point why this isn 't my first choice . There are certain flavors you can only get in the bigger mix , like peanut butter and I don 't want to have to do without for too long . They 're pretty easy to eat and tend to be true to the flavors that they 're supposed to be . These are flavors that you might associate with the tropics . So , maybe I won 't instantly be transported to a tropical island , but I don 't expect that . I want candy . ( Specifically , I want sugar . ) This gives me sugar in an easy - to - eat form . It is nice to have something different once in a while . Sometimes , I will get this one even if the 30 - variety bag is available . I 'll sometimes even get one or two of each , just to mix it up . Just like the other flavors , they 're four calories per bean and fat free . Yes , I 'm sure my dentist doesn 't approve . ( My parents certainly don 't , as I don 't have the best dental history . ) I give this mix four of five stars . The only thing I could really ask for is for them to come in a resealable bag . Posted by I have a thing for sugar . Put me in front of a desert buffet and I 'll probably try everything . When I saw that there were candies and deserts , One product that I 'm fond of is Entenmann 's Rich Frosted Donuts . You 're probably wondering why I 'd buy these donuts out of all the donuts out there . After all , I 've already said that I have a thing for Krispy Kreme . Dunkin ' Donuts isn 't that bad I don 't want to go that far , so it helps to have a box handy . Yes , I could buy a box from the two aforementioned locations , but those are generally meant to be eaten right away . Their shelf life isn 't always that long . ( I realize that this isn 't always a good thing , but who eats donuts for heath reasons ? ) Also , these donuts have chocolate frosting with a soft center . I can 't get donuts like this at Krispy Kreme or Dunkin ' Donuts . I like chocolate and I like soft food . Put the two together and you have something that I will at least try , if not probably like . As I said , these donuts aren 't meant to be health food , which is why I haven 't eaten them in a while . Take a look at the nutritional information on a box or online and you 'll notice that they have 31 % of your total fat and 65 % of your saturated fat for the day . . . per donut . That 's not including the 17g of sugar . sitting around just waiting for me to eat another . Yes , I could share , but not everyone likes snacks like I do . They 'd probably still sit there . do like them , even if I don 't always want to eat them . I 'd definitely recommend them to anyone that 's looking to bring a desert or snack to a meeting or just wants something for the kids . If you ever find them in single servings , please let me know . When I looked to see if Frankenweenie was available to review on Epinions , I was surprised to find out that it wasn 't . What I found was the original , 1984 version that Tim Burton also made . Both movies are based on an idea of Burton 's . The 1984 version was written by Leonard Ripps and ran for only 29 minutes . In 2012 , Burton decided to make a feature - length version , this time written by John August . ( Epinions has The movie is about a boy named Victor Frankenstein . He loves science , making movies and above all else , his dog , Sparky . His father wants him to find new things to love , as most parents would . Victor keeps to himself , mostly , so his father gets him on to a baseball team . This leads to a tragic accident that takes the life of Sparky . Victor is devastated . However , without this accident , we wouldn 't have a movie . You see , it isn 't long before Victor 's favorite teacher , Mr . Rzykruski , inspires him with a demonstration of how an electric shock can make a frog 's leg move . Victor gets the idea to reanimate Sparky . This is one of those movies where everything goes right , making everything else go wrong . The reanimation works , but Victor has to keep it a secret , even from his own family . What would everyone think ? After all , people named Frankenstein don 't have the best track record with reanimated corpses . This goes well until Sparky gets out and is seen by Edgar " E " Gore . Pretty soon , many of Victor 's classmates want in on the action . There 's a science fair coming up and a reanimated corpse would make for a great project . Each of the classmates wants to reanimate various animals like sea monkeys . It 's up to Victor and Sparky to save the day . This movie is not for everyone . Tim Burton is one of those directors that is a bit unusual . He 's directed Dark Shadows , Corpse Bride , Mars Attacks ! and Edward Scissorhands to give you an idea . ( There 's also Big Fish and the 2001 remake of Planet of the Apes , which are a bit more mainstreamish . ) Also , the movie is stop motion . This may turn off some people and interest others . The movie is a bit dark for smaller children . You don 't see Sparky killed , but there 's no doubt what happens . It should be safe for teens and up . had gotten this movie through Redbox while my brother was in town . We had both wanted to see it , so I took the opportunity to use a free code that I had gotten through Checkpoints . I wasn 't disappointed . I kind of knew what to expect . I have no problem with animated features and I 've liked a few of Tim Burton 's films . I caught a few references to other pet - and horror - related things . If you look in the pet cemetery , there 's a turtle named Shelly and a Goodbye Kitty , among other things . ( Not everyone will catch these , so pay attention . ) There are a few other characters , like an Elsa Van Helsing , as well . The movie had been released in 3 - D in theaters . I would have liked to see the movie this way , but I don 't know if there 's any easy , convenient way of doing this for a video release . I know you can get durable blue - red stereoscopic glasses for a few dollars , but I don 't know how many people I love snacks . ( Who doesn 't ? ) Sometimes , I go for the sugary stuff like donuts and jelly beans . I have been trying to cut back , so I usually get something like Cheez - Its . Normally , I don 't go for crunchy stuff , but there aren 't a lot of non - sugary snacks that aren 't crunchy . Cheez - Its are baked , which I think usually means that they 're lower in fat , although I 've never done any sort of comparison . In any event , I do like cheese and Cheez - Its are cheese flavored . As the back of the box once suggested , they 're big on cheese taste . For those that haven 't seen them , Cheez - Its are small , yellow squares that are lightly salted . They also have a small hole in the middle , which is about the size you 'd the kind that 's just cheese flavored . They 're made by Kellogg 's under the Sunshine label , which it acquired a few years ago . I like going with a major brand , although a major brand doesn 't always ensure a good product . I have noticed that Cheez - Its will vary on occasion . Some look like they 're a little burnt while others are saltier than normal . The box I 'm working on now may have been a little overcooked . Given the chance , I could probably go through a box in two or three sittings , even though I shouldn 't . Each serving is supposed to be 27 crackers , which works out to be 15 servings per box . I occasionally keep a box at work so that when I 'm hungry and can 't go out for lunch , I can grab a few to eat . It cuts down on the hunger without my having to eat a lot . Boxes usually go for $ 2 . 59 each . I usually get them when it 's buy one get one free since I know I 'll be eating them . If $ 2 . 59 is too much for you , you can get single - serving bags for 99 ? . This will at least give you the opportunity It would be interesting to see how various historical figures would react to today 's world . Would Johannes Gutenberg be impressed by how easily words are printed ? How would Jonas Salk react to the anti - vaccine movement ? There 's a Doctor Who episode that has Vincent Van Gogh looking at an exhibition of his work . Plenty of common people have been pulled out of time in movies . Just ask Bill and Ted . Look Who 's Back wonders what would happen if Adolf Hitler suddenly showed up in modern Germany . It starts with Hitler on the ground wondering what happened . Where are his trusted advisors ? How did he end up in a park ? Not to far away , Fabian Sawatzki filming some kids for a project he 's working on . His boss , Christoph Sensebrink , doesn 't like it . In fact , Sensebrink fires Sawatzki . It isn 't until later that Sawatzki realizes that he has Hitler on tape . Sawatzki is able to find Hitler , knowing that he has something that might get him his job back . He assumes , along with everyone else , that what he has is actually some sort of actor performing satire . It 's like how we all know Borat is really Sacha Baron Cohen . Hitler obviously must be someone trying to make a point , however distastefully he might be doing it . Sawatzki has no problem becoming his unwitting accomplice , filming Hitler around the country . ( They decide to make a political documentary . ) It 's a sensitive topic for Germany and the rest of Europe , so there is an inherent danger in doing this . ( Various movies have had problems filming Nazis , as they couldn 't show symbols of Nazi Germany . ) One person even approaches Sawatzki and Hitler to tell them how horrible they are for doing this . This makes it all the more unnerving that Hitler never breaks character . Then again , why would he ? He 's Hitler and he 's intent on getting back his former glory . The movie does take a few liberties . It is correct that Hitler didn 't do too well as an artist . However , the movie shows him drawing poorly , whereas Hitler seems to have focused more on painting . Also , Hitler is said to have possible suffered from Parkinson 's late in his life , with there being reports of his hand shaking . In the movie , he seemed to be in relatively good health . Hitler also seemed surprised in the movie that Germany had lost World War II . He knew that things weren 't going well for Germany . He eventually shot himself and his wife , Eva Braun , took a cyanide pill . One statement that had me take to Google was where Hitler says that he was elected , implying that it 's the electorate 's fault . I 've heard that he wasn 't really elected , but this may stem from the fact that elections in Germany at the time weren 't what Americans would think of as an election . His first few public offices seem to have been appointed . He does seem to have gained office through elections , but it seems that in those instances , it had to do with the fact that his party had the most seats in the Reichstag . Whichever party got a plurality / majority generally had their leader appointed chancellor . ( If someone can clarify , please leave a comment . ) This is not a movie for children due to the topic . I 'm not even sure it 's a movie for most adults . This is one of those movies where context will carry a lot of weight and this is reflected in the movie . In the movie , many Germans are shown interacting with Hitler , some of them saying that they might vote for him . ( I 'm not sure if these are actors or actual people hoping to make the final cut . ) In one scene , an elderly Jewish woman recognizes Hitler and yells at him , as she knows exactly who he is and what he 's done . That , to me , is the irony of the movie . There is a level of discomfort watching it . Writers for a talk show are tasked with making racist jokes . We feel uncomfortable as the writers go through a few of them . We 're aware of the historical context , but someone who lived through it knows the context and will have an entirely different reaction . It would be interesting to watch the movie with someone who lived through that era just to see what they thought of the movie . ( Again , I 'd welcome comments . I 'm sure that a few things in the movie went over my head . ) I would say that those involved in the movie did well . The political element wasn 't forced , but was used to show that Hitler could regain power . If there 's one thing I 've constantly heard about him is that he knew how to manipulate . He came into power not by promising to kill people , but rather by promising a better life for people . His tactics might be different , given that he didn 't have Google and YouTube in 1945 , but his ambition would be the same . I remember first becoming aware of Highlander in high school . ( It was right around the time that the TV series began . ) There were a lot of other students that were fans of the movie and the series . It took a while , but I finally got into the show , and then the movie . The movies are about an Immortal called Connor MacLeod . This movie , the first in the series , starts out with MacLeod in Madison Square Garden watching a professional wrestling match . He has to leave in the middle of the event because he senses another Immortal approaching . They meet in the parking garage and have at it with swords . You see , the only way that an Immortal can be killed is by having his head chopped off . An Immortal that isn 't good with swords is a dead Immortal . When an Immortal is killed by another Immortal , the victor gets the loser 's quickening . In a show of stunning pyrotechnics , the victor gets all of the loser 's memories , skills , and energy . In the end , there can be only one . This one will rule the Earth . After the fight in the parking garage , which MacLeod wins , we go to a flashback . The movie is basically a series of flashbacks . In the flashbacks , we get to see how Connor MacLeod became an Immortal . Basically , Connor went into battle with his clan and was killed by this other Immortal that goes by Kurgan . for a funeral , he comes back to life . His clan freaks out and banishes him . He 's destined to wander the Earth until he meets Juan Ramirez , a Spaniard from Egypt who talks with a familiar accent . ( Sean Connery plays him . ) Ramirez teaches MacLeod everything there is to being an Immortal . For instance , there are some basic rules . You can 't fight on holy ground . When you do fight another Immortal , it 's supposed to be one on one . For some reason , Immortals can 't have kids , even though they 're born as ' normal ' humans . Also , don 't lose your head , and that 's meant in a literal sense . As I said , the only way for an Immortal to truly die is to be decapitated . ( Otherwise , they keep coming back . ) The part of the story that takes place in the present has to do with Kurgan coming after MacLeod . ( At first , Kurgan comes across as just wanting MacLeod for his quickening , but MacLeod ends up with good reason for wanting Kurgan dead . ) Those that are into the swordfights , science fiction or the sound track ( done by Queen ) probably won 't mind the storyline . Other than that , the strong point of the story is setting up the other movies and the TV series . The movie offers no reason and little explanation as to why Immortals exist . Ramirez asks why the sun rises . Are the starts just holes in the night sky ? The movie is good versus bad . Kurgan is definitely bad . While MacLeod isn 't someone you 'd necessarily someone you 'd want your daughter to bring home , he is trying to fight evil and is good mostly by default . He does show other likable characteristics , some of which don 't appear in this movie , but measuring your age in centuries does take its toll . ( Ramirez is over 2 , 000 years old when he first meets MacLeod . ) For instance , MacLeod has to keep changing his name and leaving everything to himself . the years , his signature shows a great deal of similarity . While I 've had the same name my whole life , no two of my signatures are the same . ) If you 're just seeing this movie for something to watch one night , I 'd suggest you skip this movie . If you 're a fan of the show and are looking for the history , go for it . The main draw seems to be the swordfights and the science fiction aspects of the movies . If not for the fact that the flashbacks were 450 years ago and in another country , they would get a little confusing . Also , the movie shows the actual decapitations , which may be too much for some of people . ( The TV series didn 't show the actual decapitations , partly to appease TV audiences and the network and partly to meet budget and production constraints . ) Basically , when deciding whether or not to watch this movie , I 'd recommend using your head . IMDb page When I started with instant messaging , ICQ was the first program that I was introduced to . ( It 's supposed to be short for I Seek You . ) I just recently started using the program again after a long absence and I have to admit that a lot has changed . ( I 've been using AOL IM recently , but I 'll elaborate on that later . ) Some things are the same . ICQ is still a free program that you have to download from the website , http : / / www . icq . com . After downloading it and installing it , you 're assigned a number . ( If you already have an account , you can still use that one by importing it . ) You also select a screen name , which is displayed to others . ( Since the number is unique to you , several people can use the same screen name . ) If someone else you know uses ICQ , you can exchange numbers and put each other on a contact list , which is basically a list of all of the people that you want to communicate with . that window disappeared when the message was sent . At some point , ICQ became more like AOL IM in that the window stays open and the text goes into the top part of the window after being typed in the bottom . I think that this has to do with AOL 's acquisition of ICQ . I 've noticed some other changes that may have come as a result of that . For instance , you couldn 't save your contact list . This meant that if you ever had to reinstall ICQ , you had to find and add all of your friends again . ( Regaining your contact list could be especially annoying since you can make it so that you have to authorize people when they want to add you to their list . ) Now , when you reinstall it and import your account , the list will be there . ( Another benefit of the merger is that you can add AOL IM users to your ICQ contact list and AOL IM users can add you to their buddy list . ) The big draw at first was ease of use . It was very easy to send messages and links , which were done using separate functions . One of the downsides was that people would often forward links that were the equivalent of chain letters . ( I stopped getting these after a while , but I don 't know if it was because they declined in them . The same could be said of bad spelling . ) It was also very easy to find people . Everyone is listed in a directory . You can find people based on things like interests , location and languages spoken assuming that anyone bothered to fill in that information . You could also post a comment . Many people wouldn 't ( and still don 't ) respond to random requests to chat , but few ever post such a comment in their profile . Don 't expect to meet a lot of new people through ICQ . ICQ shows who is online and who is offline by putting the online people on top and putting a green icon next to their screen name . Those that were offline were on the bottom and had a red icon next to their name . Among those that were on , some were listed as being N / A , or not available . Others were simply ' away ' . It was simply a matter of degree ; both are used to indicate that you won 't be immediately available to chat with someone . One thing that used to annoy me was when my brother would leave ICQ on and simply go about his business . He wouldn 't put it on away of N / A mode . The idea was to let his friends know that he was on green , there 's no way to tell if they 're there or not . ( As if that 's not enough , if a person 's icon is red , it 's possible that they 're in invisible mode , which means that they want to make themselves known to only a few people . ) If someone is offline ( or online and invisible ) you can still send them a message . If they truly are offline , they 'll get it as soon as they connect to the system . ( If they 're online , they 'll get it immediately and decide whether or not to respond to it . ) The real deathblow for ICQ was when a lot of people switched to AOL IM . Had the acquisition occurred sooner or had my friends switched later , I might still be using ICQ . However , I 've come to like AOL IM better now . The primary advantage is that I can save my conversations in HTML format . ( To my knowledge , there 's no way to save ICQ conversations independently of the ICQ program , but it 's possible that that capability to come down to what your friends use . There 's also Yahoo ! Messenger and I believe that Windows has its own IM program . ( Yahoo ! Messenger has its own set of advantages . I don 't know about Windows 's program , as I 've never used it . ) At one point , I might have given ICQ four or five stars , but now , I 'd say that it only gets three . I 've gotten used to AOL is a little misleading . For those wondering exactly what this is , the stickers are actually backing for pictures so you can turn your 4x6 photographs into postcards . Lets say that you are on vacation or you just got back . You wanted desperately to send someone a postcard , but you couldn 't see dropping a dollar on one of those professional deals . That 's where this product might come in handy . Now , the ones I got were on clearance and I think are an older version of what 's on the web site . First , mine are 6 + 3 free , or nine total . Apparently , they come in packs of 15 now . Also , the ones I had usually had some sort of message . The ones I have now say either " I am a baby boy " or " We 've moved " . There were generic ones that simply had the lines for the address and the postage - here box . Still , it 's a great product . There one of the newer formats that Wolf Camera offers , like 5x5 or 4 ½ x6 , you might have issues . Yes , you could trim the picture and / or the backing , but who wants to be bothered ? ( From what I can tell , this product only comes in 4x6 , but you may be able to find other similar products that come in other sizes . ) Also , the backing can be tricky to line up with the photo . You have to line it up perfectly or risk having someone else 's mail stuck to your postcard . The ones I have use two pieces that you peel off , much like you 'd dine on a self - adhesive bandage . One is a small strip , maybe a ½ inch in height , which means that you could have the picture and the backing lined up easily before you press down on the adhesive . From that point , it 's easy to apply the rest of the backing . One big downside is that you have to get something developed . This is not a huge problem in the digital age , granted . The good news is that it will probably cost about the same as a postcard , but you get to select your own image . If you have a choice , get matte finish , as this is more resistant to fingerprints . The product comes with nothing to protect your picture at all . Remember that it 's a postcard and anyone and everyone may be handling it . The good news is that regular postcard rates still apply . If you just want to send one picture to a person , but don 't want wonder how people could lose their chargers . Many people come down to Miami on vacation and leave the chargers at home . ( Or come back from vacation and realize that they 've left the charger somewhere in California . ) Others buy the just camera from a pawn shop or receive it as a hand - me - down and need to get accessories . Either way , I found myself constantly " misplacing " the wires for my Fuji F10 . This includes the wire to transfer the pictures to the computer and the wire to hook the camera up to an outlet so that the camera could charge . That 's why I got memory card readers built into my computer . It 's also why I eventually broke down and bought this charger . To start , well if you have several other Fuji cameras that use the proprietary batteries . ( We 've had at least one customer that was able to take advantage of this with the Canon charger . ) Here comes the confusing part . There are several plates that fit into the body of the charger . You have to figure out which one goes with your battery , and then fit that one on to the base , which goes into the wall or hooks up to the car charger adapter . Your battery then comes out of the camera and fits into the plate . Many customers don 't seem to get this . I don 't think it has to do with the customer . It 's just hard to explain while the unit is still inside the packaging . That 's why we will often set up the charger for the customer . We 've had many people come back saying that it doesn 't work , only to finally get it when we set it up . The charger works well , at least in the house . ( Since I don 't have a car , I don 't really have an opportunity to use the car charger . ) The only drawback is that , like I said , you have to take the battery out of the camera . This means that the camera will lose power and you 'll have to reset a lot of things . This wasn 't a big deal for me . It meant resetting only the time and date . However , they make these for batteries that are used in dSLR cameras , which do have a lot of settings . ( I 'm not sure if that applies to this particular model , as we don 't carry a lot of the Fuji SLR cameras . ) It 's definitely handy to have . It 's too bad that there 's no one else in the house with a Fuji proprietary battery , as I 'm willing to share . However , back with him because , regrettably , the game is too good for my computer . ( My computer can 't handle the system requirements . ) The game starts with a robbery gone wrong . Your first task is to find a place to hide and recover . This ends up being your base of operations while you do missions on the first of three islands . Most of the game consists of doing missions for various Mob people , although you can do other missions , which I 'll get to later . You 're stuck on the first island until you go through enough missions . That 's when the bridge opens and you 're allowed to drive across . The subway will also be closed until then . However , if you 're interested in mass transit , you can use the elevated rail to get around the first island . There 's lots of sex and violence . To give you an example , you can have sex with a prostitute , and then kill her to get your money back . As you do these highly illegal and immoral things , your wanted level goes up . One star means that the police will only chase you if you cross their path . Two stars mean that they come after you . Three stars mean that a helicopter will come after . ( IT goes up to six stars , but I won 't admit to being that wanted . ) There are ways of getting rid of the police , such as having your car repainted . Should you get arrested , you 'll be fined some money ( actually a pay - off ) and released to do more harm to society . Should you do something to get yourself killed , you 'll be sent to the nearest hospital and fined a large quantity of money . The three islands are very detailed . There are a dozen or so " people " ( actually templates ) that walk around the city , any of which you can beat up or kill , and several dozen cars models , any of which you can steal . This includes taxis and police vehicles . If you steal a taxi , you can actually pick up cab fares for extra money . If you steal a law - enforcement vehicle , like a police car or tank , you can go on Vigilante Missions . ( Yes , I said tank . ) These missions aren 't necessary to complete the game . You 'll have plenty of game play without them , although I found them useful on the second island . Many of the missions there were extremely difficult without cheat codes . There are also hidden packages to find and insane stunts to perform for bonuses . There are 100 hidden packages ; each set of ten you find will get you a new weapon , which can be found near your hideout . Speaking of weapons , there are about a dozen , including a baseball bat and a flamethrower . I loved the grenade launcher and the sniper rifle , mostly because both of them allow you to aim first . I found the handgun to be extremely difficult to kill someone with . Either my aim wasn 't good or it didn 't do much damage . You have to be careful with the flamethrower because when you set someone on fire , there 's a risk of the fire jumping back on you . Controls for the guns , and for the game in general , are very easy . The only thing I had difficulty with was the drive - by shootings . I guess if I had stuck to the keyboard , it wouldn 't have been so bad , but I got used to using the mouse . Regrettably , there 's no multiplayer . I 'd love to be able to go head - to - head over the Internet or in a car listening to the radio stations . Each station consists of a loop , each consisting of a different theme . There 's an 80 's station , a rock station , and so on . You can even use your own mp3 files as another station . I 'd have liked to be able to have several mp3 folders so that my brother and I could have each had our own station . It was a nice feature anyway . This game will provide hours of fun for any adult . I do not , under any circumstances , recommend this game for children . There 's way too much to explain to them and even then , they probably wouldn 't understand or comprehend all of it . If you 're a responsible adult , I 'm sure you 'll love this game as much as I do . IMDb page over the past decade , there have been a few live - action big - budget movies made starring big names . Many were good . Some , not so much . 2003 , Ben Affleck stared as Matt Murdock , a . k . a . Daredevil . Matt 's story starts early ; as a child , he was blinded by toxic waste . The up side is that his other senses are heightened . He can use his other senses to ' see ' the world in a Matrix - style way . He 's also able to leap off of tall buildings and land safely on the ground . As an adult , Murdock serves as a defense lawyer during the day , helping those that need it most . Daredevil comes out at night to fight crime in Hell 's Kitchen . ( He seems to pick criminals that the court system lets go . ) the movie , Daredevil is trying to work against The Kingpin , who runs the area 's organized crime . Enter Elektra Natchios , the daughter of Nikolas Natchios . Unbeknownst to Matt , Nikolas has ties to The Kingpin . Unbeknownst to Elektra , Matt is Daredevil . Things get complicated when Nikolas wants out . Enter Bullseye , who is hired by The I don 't want to ruin the entire movie for you , so I 'll stop here . I did have a few problems , all of which don 't require me to give anything else away . First , it seemed like the movie went slow , then was rushed . There were three main story lines to the movie . One was Daredevil vs . The Kingpin . Two was Daredevil vs . Bullseye . Three was Matt becoming romantically involved with Elektra . vs . The Kingpin didn 't really seem that developed , mostly because Daredevil was fighting with Bullseye most of the time . Both of these relationships seemed like something you 'd use over the course of a TV series . If there is a sequel , Kingpin will most likely be back . Bullseye definitely seemed rushed . Even though the pacing seemed appropriate , it seemed like Bullseye was used too much too quickly . He seems like someone that would make a good archenemy . Even the relationship between Daredevil and Elektra was rushed . It 's almost like Overall , the movie was very dark . Not only was much of it action , but much of it took place at night . It seemed like the movie was driven by the fight scenes with the which really adds to the darkness of the movie . It 's definitely not something for small children to watch . I don 't think they 'd understand most of the themes . ability ) and give him a weakness . Fill in the history as needed and you have a superhero . In this case , Daredevil had most of his senses heightened , but was blind and could be incapacitated by loud noises . Even Superman had his kryptonite . What I remember , the coming attractions were a little misleading . I thought that Elektra 's story would turn out much differently than it did . It would be interesting to in this movie could very well have come to an end . ( Actually , a few did . ) Overall , I really didn 't like Daredevil . I think if this had been the first comic - book based movie I had seen , I probably wouldn 't have seen many others . IMDb page
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November 30 , 2016 By Katie All the way back in June I started a project , spear - headed by Dr . Steven Bickmore , with a bunch of other educators : We read through all the National Book Award Finalists and Winners from the past twenty years . There were twenty of us - each assigned a year . I read the five books from 1996 . The final round has four books . Our task was to read all four and vote for which one we think is the best of the best . I had already read Homeless Bird ( 2000 National Book Award Winner ) , but the next three were new to me . As is typical of Myers , this book starts out right in the action with the funeral of a teenager who was shot in a drive - by shooting . Jesse and his friends , CJ and Rise , are forced yet again to consider how quickly life can be taken away . Rise makes the comment that he believes this is why you have to live every day as if it 's special . All three boys grapple with how to do this , but Rise seems to take it to an extreme that Jesse can 't agree with . As Jesse tries to decide to stick by Rise - his blood brother - or follow his own intuition , he sketches Rise and the rest of what they experience . It 's a very honest look at what being a teen in Harlem is probably like . Ten - year - old Hà , her three older brothers , and her mother are forced to leave Vietnam when the war reaches their home in Saigon in 1975 . Hà has never met her father , who is MIA in the war - possibly somewhere in North Vietnam where communication has been cut off . The family journeys by ship to Alabama where they become refugees . Hà is forced to repeat the 4th grade even though she was at the top of her class in Vietnam because she doesn 't know English . What is most special about this book is that it is told in first - person verse covering a complete year : from Vietnamese New Year in 1975 to the same day in 1976 . Another book completely in verse , Jacqueline Woodson tells her autobiographical tale of growing up African American during the civil rights movement in the 1960 's and 70 's . Her life is split between two homes : one in South Carolina with her maternal grandparents and one in New York City with her mother . Her poems seamlessly weave her life story together in a way that the reader can actually feel . It 's beautiful writing . Of the four books , I really liked Homeless Bird and Autobiography of My Dead Brother but I loved Inside Out and Back Again and Brown Girl Dreaming . I also felt all four books would be appealing and accessible to my students ( all 8th grade ) . They were all well - written , though I think the three I described here were a little more literaturey ( yes , I just made that up ) than Homeless Bird . Or maybe it 's that Homeless Bird is about a culture different than the author 's . September 12 , 2016 By Katie In June , I posted about a project that I am doing with a group of other educators . Dr . Steven Bickmore ( you should go read his YA blog , by the way ) gathered a bunch of us together to read all of the National Book Award winners and runners up since the award for YA turned twenty this year . We divided up the books by year ( there are five books per year ) ; my year was 1996 and I posted about those books here . So what is the book about ? Koly is only thirteen years old when her parents arrange a marriage for her . While an arranged marriage is typical in India , Koly 's takes a tragic turn and she is left to fend for herself in a large city . The book is a quick read and appeals to all levels . It 's set in India and asks the reader to wonder about family structures , cultures , and traditions while also addressing the idea that the individual does not have to fit a mold to be a happy part of society . While Homeless Bird was my favorite of the four new books I read , this was my least favorite . I wanted it to be my favorite . I wanted to fall into it and find a bit of myself in it . The book is narrated by teenager Jason Bock whose family is very Catholic . Jason identifies as a " agnostic - going - on - atheist " . His parents try to get him into the fold of religion by sending him to a class at church for teenagers to talk about issues . The class only solidifies Jason 's apathy toward organized religion . In a moment of boredom and , according to Jason , clarity , he decides to create his own religion - one that worships the town water tower . I really wanted this book to push the envelope and dig into the questions many teens have about religion and God . I was one of those teens and I craved books that showed others feeling and questioning as I did . This book fell short and only seemed to graze the surface . I was disappointed . Chains takes place just as the Revolutionary War is about to begin . Isabel is a 13 - year old slave in Rhode Island whose mistress dies . She and her sister are to be freed according to their mistresses will , but that does not happen and she is sold to a cruel New York City couple who side with the King and not with the American Revolution . Isabel finds herself befriending a slave boy who works for the Rebels and delivers messages and makes other dangerous errands that could get her beat … or worse . This book was brilliant . It was long , and took a bit to get into , but the way Anderson wove both history and fiction together was flawless . Anderson has a follow up novel , Forge , and also a third , Ashes . I think students who love American History and have more reading stamina will fall in love with this series . I don 't read a lot of nonfiction and what I do read is usually memoir , and I definitely don 't read books about science , war , or bombs , so I waited to read this one until the very last . Where Godless disappointed me , this one thrilled me . Bomb is written as a narrative of how the nuclear bomb was imagined , theorized , tested , and finally created . It also weaves in Russia 's attempts to steal the bomb using primary source quotes from American and Russian spies . It 's a real - life story of war and espionage . While I know what happens in the end - we make the bomb before he Germans and bomb Japan - I was still on the edge of my seat for the personal stories of the scientists who worked on the bomb … and those who leaked information to the Russians . The photos throughout were also a wonderful addition to the book . I want a separate category for books like this , but I feel like maybe this is one of a kind . April 15 , 2016 By Katie It 's been awhile since I wrote about what I 've been reading , which is actually funny because I have been reading more than I ever have before . In fact , I am on book 22 for the school year ! Crazy ! Anyway , in the last month or so , I read six Young Adult Lit books that fall under the category of " world literature " and " historical fiction " because my 8th grade classes would be choosing between them for their final class book of the school year . Each of my five classes has a " book club " centered around each of these books . So far , it 's a wonderful experience , and I think the fact that the book are so darn good is has a big part of that . I really love historical fiction , but I admit I hadn 't read much YA historical fiction until now . And of course reading six titles , probably qualifies as binging on it , but I am Ok with that . I highly recommend all of these titles to anyone 13 and over , so let 's get into the books … My Name is Not Easy by Debby Dahl Edwardson Based on stories friends and family have told her , Edwardon bases her book in Alaska in the 1960 's when public schools were unavailable to the majority of children who didn 't live in a main city . Before 1976 , students who wanted to attend high school had to travel hundreds of miles to boarding schools . In My Name is Not Easy , Luke ( whose real name is not really Luke , but something too difficult for white speakers to pronounce ) and his brothers - along with other children including Chickie , Amiq , Junior , and Sonny - are sent to Sacred Heart School where they realize that the students - Eskimo like them , Native American ( Indian ) , and white - segregate themselves in the lunch room almost as if some sort of war is going on . The staff at Sacred Heart forbid use of native language and push to assimilate the children to a white , Catholic culture , but the students main goal is just to survive school and get back to their families . Engle tells the story of Cuba 's struggle for independence through poetry through the eyes of characters in the middle of the action , mainly Rosa - known to some as a witch for her knowledge of holistic healing with herbs . The story begins with her childhood learning the different powers of flowers and plants , and it follows her as she becomes a nurse to those injured - from both sides - during Cuba 's fight against the Spanish empire . The setting is mainly near the concentration camps where former Cuban slaves were sent . While the poems are mostly from Rosa 's point of view , some are also from the voice of Lieutenant Death , a slave hunter who has a particular vengeance for capturing Rosa . The character of Rosa is based on Rosa Castellanos , an historical heroine known as " la bayamesa " . This book was both beautiful and devestating . I had forgotten home much I love to read narrative poetry , and how quickly the actual reading goes . The imagery and just sensations this book oozes are wonderful and terrifying . I went back and re - read some of my favorites . This book is in English , but a Spanish version is also included . Many of my students are hungry to read in their native tongue and lots have family in Cuba . I knew this would be appealing to those kids . This is book is a dual narrative about Salva - one of the Sudanese Lost Boys - and Nya . Salva 's true story begins when he is eleven years old in 1985 . Salva is separated from his family when fighting comes to his village in Southern Sudan . He has to walk for days in hope to find his family . He struggles to find food and people . He ends up walking for seven years before ending up in a refugee camp . Nya is a fictional character whose story begins in 2008 when she is also eleven years old . She has to walk to a pond that is two hours away twice a day to provide fresh water for her family . Her story emphasizes the lack of clean water in Sudan and the importance of family . In the end , Salva and Nya 's stories cross making a very important push for Salva 's cause of bringing clean water to South Sudan . This was the first book of the six I read and I remember closing it and thinking , " these books are going to leave me emotionally drained . " I was right . Reading Salva and Nya 's stories was like going on these walks with them . And although I knew Salva survived to create the Water For South Sudan project , I kept thinking , " this is it . He can 't survive this . " I knew this book would appeal to the widest range of students , and since its the shortest , easiest read many of my reluctant readers chose it and are loving it . Vidya is fifteen and dreams of going to college . But she lives in British - occupied India during World War II . Her family is loving and supportive and fairly liberal , encouraging her to be what she wants to be . However tragedy strikes and they are forced to live with ultra - conservative relatives who believe women should remain uneducated , serve men , and wait around to be married to a good family . Vidya is miserable , but she secretly breaks the rules and ventures upstairs to her grandfather 's library to read books she is not supposed to even touch . Here she meets Raman who treats her as an equal . When her brother leaves unexpectedly , Vidya is suddenly forced to think about the political situation in India and what she can do to hold on and make her dreams reality . This was the last book I read of the six and I admit to needing to take a break from reading after this one . For one , I had binge - read six historical fictions in less than four weeks . Secondly this one made me think and I just needed the time to reflect before diving into something new . Part One of Far From Home is Tariro 's story . She is fourteen years old , lives in Zimbabwe on her ancestral grounds near the baobab tree that she was born under . Her dad is the chief , she is in love with the brave and handsome Nhamo - things couldn 't be better . Then white settlers arrive and violently and tragically drive her and her family out of their home into new areas zoned specifically for the blacks . Part Two is Katie 's story and takes place twenty - five years later . Katie is also fourteen and lives on a farm in Zimbabwe near the baobab tree . She loves her family , her exclusive boarding school , and her home . Then disaster strikes when the second War for Liberation occurs and natives begin to reclaim their land . She is forced to leave the only hone she has ever known and go back to London with her family . It was hard for me to feel sorry for Katie at first . Her relatives had been the ones to drive the natives off their land ! But as I read , I understood the complexity of it . Katie , herself , had not been involved in the relocation . This home was where she was born and raised . It 's all she knew . Plus as the entire story unfolds she learns about white privilege and humanity . This one affected me the most out of all the books . This is the true story of Arn , a survivor from the Cambodia Civil War during the 1970 's . He was eleven years old when the Khmer Rouge invaded his village , killing the upper - class and educated and separating the rest of the people into work camps . Arn was sent to a work camp that was also where they took prisoners and slaughtered them . He was forced to work with almost no food or sleep and witness the horrific murder of many people - some of whom he knew . If the kids reacted , they were also killed . Arn eventually volunteers to become a musician for the propaganda - like revolutionary songs the Khmer Rouge has them play . Later , when the Vietnamese invade to help the people of Cambodia , Arn is forced to join the Khmer Rouge as a child soldier . I had to keep reminding myself that this story is true , and that Arn does survive and make it to the United States because I kept expecting him to die . Reading this from the lens of a mother and teacher was hard . I found myself putting the book down several times because the imagery was so horrifying . I knew my students would be engrossed in a book about a kid close to their own age having to survive experiences that were too terrible to even imagine . I was right . All six of these books are about real historical events , many of which we don 't learn about in school . And if we do , it is only briefly covered in a textbook which dates and a few facts . These books humanize the wars and struggles so many children had to endure . September 5 , 2015 By Katie This book reminded me of how necessary it is to go out of your comfort zone sometimes . This book reminded me that , no , I don 't normal read " war books , " but sometimes you need to take a risk and read something that is not your normal genre . This book reminded me that while it may not seem like I could relate to a Vietnam war vet , I would be wrong . The Things They Carried by Tim O ' Brien has been in my classroom library all year . I 've wanted to recommend it - especially to boys who are finding a hard time choosing something - but I hadn 't read it and wasn 't sure how to present it . I don 't really read " war stories " . But I realized that by not reading it just for that reason , I was doing what my students were doing when they turned their noses up at books because the topic sounded boring . So when I raided my classroom library in May to bring home a stack to read , I included The Things They Carried . Naturally , it was the very last book I picked up out of all the books . And I 'm sorry for that because I quite possibly connected most to this one . In fact , I used O ' Brien 's book as the first in my Reader 's Notebook that I am creating as an example for my students . The Things They Carried is actually a collection of stories , many of which has been published elsewhere before being brought together as a collection . The book is labeled as fiction , although the narrator is O ' Brien and he was in Vietnam and all the places and characters and circumstances are based on real life . I would say The Things They Carried is " True Fiction " . Everything he writes about is true , but it did not happen . Well , some of it may have happened , but not as he wrote it . Or to whom he wrote about . The truthiness of it plays with your mind a bit because it is so believable - graphic at times even - and yet , you know you are reading fiction . But while some of the details may be made up , it 's a True Vietnam War Story . Admittedly , I don 't know a lot about the Vietnam conflict , and this book didn 't answer many of those questions . And I 'm glad . When people say that it 's important to read books to see what it was like for the people who lived it , they were talking about O ' Brien 's writing . I 'm sure of it . This book proves why it 's important to read beyond textbooks . A history book is not going to show the reader the effects of PTSD or how soldiers coped with all the death around them . It 's not going to show the horrors of silence . I think I connected to O ' Brien 's words the most because he kept coming back to the idea of the story . How it 's important to tell your story . That even if you have to add details that did not happen , it 's Ok as long as they add to the truthfulness of the story . So your audience can feel and so you can release that bit of yourself from inside yourself . I started this book for no other reason that I want to read more non - white authors and many readers I respect ( who read the " literature " on top of just other stuff ) rated this one highly . I also started it one day on the deck in the sun in my favorite reading spot . It is a stark contrast to all the YA lit I have been reading lately . Let 's see … how do I describe Oscar Wao ? Well , the book is fiction , but it also has some magical realism . The narrator is third person , seemingly omniscient , whose actual identity isn 't revealed until about halfway into the book . The story is about Oscar and the curse that is on him and his family called the fuku . The book starts with Oscar 's childhood , but talks about his mother 's childhood and formative years in the Dominican Republic , his maternal Grandfather ( where the fuku started ) , and his sister , Lola . The book is beautiful . The writing is glorious and true and moving . I kept thinking of my students as I read it … how many have such journeys in their family history - maybe not with a curse attached - but who have parents who have come from another country and they are first generation in the US . About the struggles and the reasons for coming . It 's just an extraordinary book . I can 't compare it to anything because I have never read anything like it . And I read a lot . Louisa is a twenty - six year old who gets laid off from her job at a cafe . She lives with her family ( mother , father , younger sister , nephew , and grandfather ) . They don 't have much money . She gets a job caring for Will , a quadriplegic man . A wealthy quadriplegic man . An attractive quadriplegic man . The thing is , Will doesn 't want to live like this . He was very active before the motorcycle accident , and now lives in constant discomfort and pain . Lou makes it her mission to show him just how beautiful a life he can still have . It 's not though . I don 't know how JoJo Moyes did it , but Me Before You is fast - pace , witty , and even suspenseful . I found myself worrying about the characters when I wasn 't reading . Yes , there are a bunch of cliches and the premise itself is pretty sappy , but somehow Moyes made me care about the characters . She made me root for Louisa and Will … and not that they would get romantically involved , but that she would be successful in showing him a wonderful life . On the other hand , the book also made me seriously think about my own views on assisted suicide . August 12 , 2015 By Katie Last fall I read Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell . I adored it . I couldn 't talk it up enough in my classroom , and for the rest of the school year there was a wait list for it . I meant to read Fangirl next , but due to the popularity of Eleanor & Park , it was also checked out all year , so I moved on to other books and other authors . I will admit the premise of a telephone that calls the past was weird , but I trusted Rowell . I knew if anyone could make it work in a quirky , witty way , it was her . And I was not disappointed . Georgie McCool is a writer for a TV comedy series with her best friend since college , Seth . She spends a ridiculous amount of time at work , leaving her husband , Neal , home with their two small daughters . Georgie and Neal love each other , but there is always a tension . It comes to a head when Georgie chooses to spend their Christmas vacation home working with Seth rather than travel Omaha with her family . Over the time her family is gone , Georgie discovers that the phone in her childhood bedroom at her mom 's house can call Neal - not present - day Neal - but Neal from when they were in college . Her phone is like a time machine . Now she has to figure out how to make things right with him by talking to the past . I don 't tend to pick up a book if I think it might be a sappy love story . This is not a sappy love story . It is funny and ridiculous and a little sad in places , but not sappy . Rowell tells the story from Georgie 's point of view . It bounces back and forth from present - day to her memories of meeting and dating Neal when they were in college , when they were first engaged and married , and to when their daughters were born . Rowell 's characters and dialogue quick and spot - on . She even manages to make me a bit nostalgic for the 90 's . I have only read one other book by Notaro , There 's a ( Slight ) Chance I Might Be Going to Hell : A Novel of Sewer Pipes , Pageant Queens , and Big Trouble , and it was funny . It was REALLY funny . So I figured if Notaro 's fiction is that hilarious , her memoir stuff was going to be even better . Potty Mouth is a collection of personal essays that made me say to my husband , " I am pretty sure this sort of thing only happens to extremely funny people who can tell a good story . Otherwise these sorts of things would be lost . Why have someone get in a cab with someone with the worst breath ever if they can 't weave that into a story that makes you gag and laugh your face off ? " The essays range in topic from opera about Anne Frank to lists of the worst Foodie words and phrases ever . Because I was constantly chuckling out loud , I ended up reading a bunch of it out loud to Cortney . He loves when I do that . Ok he does not really love it , and he usually doesn 't really listen , but this time he actually chucked too and said , " what book is that ? " It 's totally a quick , easy read too . I basically read it over a weekend . And it was a busy weekend , so take it to the beach or to the pool or even just to the couch and get your giggle on . Disclaimer : This is not a sponsored post . I bought the book myself . The links are affiliate though and if you purchase the book through one of those links I may some day earn enough to buy one of my children something from the ice cream truck . No . Nevermind . That thing is creepy . I 'm not usually a chick lit person , and I still stand behind Lancaster books not being chick lit . You know , other than I can 't imagine any guy ever wanting to read it . But she doesn 't write mushy gross romances , and she makes me laugh right out loud . So she is one of my favorites . Just like all her memoirs , Jeneration X is a fast read . Instead of telling one long story like her previous autobiographical works , this one is more of a collection of essays all with some sort of lesson for " reluctant adults . " Since I consider myself one of the most reluctant of adults , I figured I would either learn something ( HA HA HA ) or laugh a lot ( YES ) . I laughed a lot . Long - time fans have criticized this book as seeming like a bunch of blog posts bound together in a book , and yes , I suppose it could seem like that . But really they are essays , not blog posts . And they all have some sort of ( loose ) lesson about adulthood . And everyone one of them is told hilariously . Even the posts that are about more serious lessons like estate planning and how friends are your family don 't take the serious , preachy turn they could . No , no . Lancaster would never do that . Rather she makes you laugh , nod your head and say " for sure " about whatever it is she is talking about . May 9 , 2015 By Katie I love historical fiction . Some of my favorite books fall under this genre : To Kill a Mockingbird , The Red Tent , East of Eden , among many more . So when I was offered the chance to read / review a book that goes between the late 20 's / early 30 's era and the late 1950 's , I jumped on it . Apron Strings by Mary Morony tells two stories . The main story is told by seven - year - old Sallee Mackey growing up in the late 50 's , in the South , smack in the middle of desegregation . Sallee 's family has their share of issues . Her Yankee father , Joe , quit his job as a lawyer to build and open a controversial shopping center . Her Southern mother , Ginny , is concerned about what people are saying and copes by drinking . And their maid , Ethel , who has been with Ginny and the family since childhood and has been Sallee 's touchstone and mother figure when her own mother couldn 't , has her own personal and family problems . I very much enjoyed Morony 's writing . I felt that she captured the confused and often times naive voice of a seven - year - old trying to make sense of racism and the judgment of adults very well . In fact , she seemed to capture all the voices of her characters well . I get skeptical when a white person writes a black character , but Ethel and her family members seemed to have dialect that would fit both the time and location for the story . I think my one issue was , that after I read the last line and closed the book , I wondered what story I just read . I enjoyed reading it all the way through , but when I got to the end I wasn 't sure what the main take away of the book was supposed to be . Both Sallee 's and Ethel 's stories were interesting and fun to read , but that is all it felt like , just the life stories of two different people . I wasn 't sure if it was supposed to be a statement against racism or drinking . Or maybe it was about the importance of family . It felt like maybe it was trying to do too much at once with a lot of characters that didn 't all seem necessary . For instance , Sallee 's weird neighbor Mr . Dabney shows up in Ethel 's stories . We find something out about him , but I thought it would have a lot more relevance to the story . It did not . It didn 't seem to effect the outcome of the book at all , but I found it interesting . Like real life , I suppose . So I feel like I am in a weird position . On the one hand , I very much enjoyed reading the writing and the stories these characters had to tell . On the other hand , I 'm not sure all the characters or the details were necessary to the story as a whole . I wouldn 't tell anyone to NOT read it because it 's a nice little read , but I don 't know that it 's the first thing I would recommend to someone looking for a new read either . I will say that in the end , I do wonder what happens to Sallee after the book is over . I wonder about all her siblings and her parents too . That is the mark of a good story and good writing . Disclaimer : This is not a sponsored post . I was sent a copy of Apron Strings to read and review . I received no compensation . All the opinions are my own .
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" I wanna trust you … it 's just hard . I feel like you 've been pulling away from me lately . You leave me every summer and I know it 's for your music , but when you come back … it 's always a change . " " Yo shawty can I hollar at chu for a minute ? " The young lady turns back around and walks over to Tremaine 's locker . She 's holding her books in her hand staring him in the face . " Tremaine but you can call me Trey . " " Well Trey … taking the books back … thanks for the offer , but I can carry my books myself . I will however take you up on your offer to walk me to my class . I 'm not sure where this room is … " showing him her schedule . " Oh you got Mrs . Auburn … you goin my way . " walks her down the hall and up the steps to the classroom . " Thanks for showing me where to go . I guess you better hurry up and get to yours before the bell rings . " " Baby I 'm gud … my class is right across the hall … " nodds head in that direction smiling . Shanell smiles back . " Well thanks again Trey . " " You 're welcome baby . " Suddenly Paige walks by Trey and Shanell since they were standing by the classroom doorway . Mumbles " He at it again … agitated … Move fool ! " " Aye Paige … what I tell you bout dat … watch ya mouth … you can 't be da man all da time . " Shanell didn 't know what to think and just stood there listening to the two of them . " Sorry you had to hear that … he plucks my nerves . " Then she rolls her eyes at him and walks in the room . Shanell then stared back at Trey . Once class was over Trey was looking for Shanell but didn 't catch up to her again until he spotted her when he had lunch . He noticed her sitting with Paige . Paige was on the cheerleading squad and also the captain . Trey decided to go over and break up their little conversation they had going on . " I thought I was showing you to ya classes . You don 't need me already ? " Paige folded her arms and looked at Trey like he was selling bullshit . " Not yo ass . " Shanell looks at Trey with her mouth wide open from his response . Then Trey laughs it off and walks behind Paige to hug her . " Nah I 'm just playing . How you doin today baby ? " Shanell still looked puzzled . Paige sees her face and explains as Trey is still hugging her from behind . " He 's plays around like this all the time . We have this love hate thing going on . I pays him no mind . " she stressed . Then he lets her go and puts his focus back on Shanell . " You sho ? I 've been told I give the best hugs … you should lemme show you and then you can tell me whatchu think . " Shanell smiles . " I guess you 'll have to come to the show and find out baby . " Then he walked off . Shanell couldn 't wait to find out so she asked Paige and she told her that Trey sings . She was surprised . She thought to herself , he has good looks and can sing … I better watch him . Nikki saw Trey talking to Paige and Shanell . She was sitting in the lunchroom with her girls and decided to go and see what was going on with Trey . She caught him as he was at the vending machine . " I wanna trust you … it 's just hard . I feel like you 've been pulling away from me lately . You leave me every summer and I know it 's for your music , but when you come back … it 's always a change . " " Yo shawty can I hollar at chu for a minute ? " The young lady turns back around and walks over to Tremaine 's locker . She 's holding her books in her hand staring him in the face . " Tremaine but you can call me Trey . " " Well Trey … taking the books back … thanks for the offer , but I can carry my books myself . I will however take you up on your offer to walk me to my class . I 'm not sure where this room is … " showing him her schedule . " Oh you got Mrs . Auburn … you goin my way . " walks her down the hall and up the steps to the classroom . " Thanks for showing me where to go . I guess you better hurry up and get to yours before the bell rings . " " Baby I 'm gud … my class is right across the hall … " nodds head in that direction smiling . Shanell smiles back . " Well thanks again Trey . " " You 're welcome baby . " Suddenly Paige walks by Trey and Shanell since they were standing by the classroom doorway . Mumbles " He at it again … agitated … Move fool ! " " Aye Paige … what I tell you bout dat … watch ya mouth … you can 't be da man all da time . " Shanell didn 't know what to think and just stood there listening to the two of them . " Sorry you had to hear that … he plucks my nerves . " Then she rolls her eyes at him and walks in the room . Shanell then stared back at Trey . Once class was over Trey was looking for Shanell but didn 't catch up to her again until he spotted her when he had lunch . He noticed her sitting with Paige . Paige was on the cheerleading squad and also the captain . Trey decided to go over and break up their little conversation they had going on . " I thought I was showing you to ya classes . You don 't need me already ? " Paige folded her arms and looked at Trey like he was selling bullshit . " Not yo ass . " Shanell looks at Trey with her mouth wide open from his response . Then Trey laughs it off and walks behind Paige to hug her . " Nah I 'm just playing . How you doin today baby ? " Shanell still looked puzzled . Paige sees her face and explains as Trey is still hugging her from behind . " He 's plays around like this all the time . We have this love hate thing going on . I pays him no mind . " she stressed . Then he lets her go and puts his focus back on Shanell . " You sho ? I 've been told I give the best hugs … you should lemme show you and then you can tell me whatchu think . " Shanell smiles . " I guess you 'll have to come to the show and find out baby . " Then he walked off . Shanell couldn 't wait to find out so she asked Paige and she told her that Trey sings . She was surprised . She thought to herself , he has good looks and can sing … I better watch him . Nikki saw Trey talking to Paige and Shanell . She was sitting in the lunchroom with her girls and decided to go and see what was going on with Trey . She caught him as he was at the vending machine . Buggzi got back in and saw Trey s body language . e knew things just went from bad to worse . e figured Trey would talk to him when he was ready so he didn t say anything . T ey ended up driving to Shanell s condo . He was quiet the whole drive . On e they got there he went in the bedroom , shut the door for some privacy and called his mom . To much was starting to build up and he needed her support . He never told her about Nikki drugging him and that whole situation but now with her saying she s pregnant he needed to come clean . He alled and explained his whole ordeal . His mom held her piece until he was done . oug But baby she drugged you . hat if something happened to you ? t didn t have to be the same day . Y u could ve suffered later on down the line and you didn t think to tell me something like that ? Trey this is serious . his girl has a problem . f she ll go to these lengths to be with you you have to really keep your distance from her . As far as this baby business , Lord I hope she s not pregnant . I j st don t want that for you . Not ith a woman who drugged you to produce it . You have to tell her Trey . know you guys have been through a lot and it may seem like it s always one thing after another but the one thing you guys have always been is honest with each other . L t her react how she s gonna react , but give her that choice from you . Yo can t afford to have her hear any of this from someone else . Nik i is too recklace . She could go to that girls house at any time and tell her . The what you gone do ? _ ( ? I am Trey . hy do you think I was so happy to see you . was planning on visiting you to tell you the good news , but to see you here was perfect . T ey had a feeling Nikki was gonna pull a stunt like this . I would be just like her to try to trap him with a baby . H needed some hard proof pronto because she was now talking about affecting the rest of his life . It is yours . ve only been with you Tremaine . Tr y was filled with so much disgust for her he wanted her out of his car and out of his life . Nikki I got blind eyes when it comes to you . don t even know you anymore . P egnant or not I still don t give a fuck about you and I never will . Te hnology can work wonders baby nowadays . Be prepared to take a DNA test . Fo ya sake you better hope the baby s not mine . If he test comes back that it is mine it will be mine . You ill never see it . All iss shit you done pulled you ain t fit to be nobodies mumma . That b by will live wit me and Shanell so you better enjoy your nine months because that s the only time you gone get wit it You better stay ya ass away from Shanell and keep ya fuckin mouth shut ! Get the uck out my car ! Nikki jus stared at Trey in silence . Her eyes tarted to well up with tears . She knew he had pushed the last button with Trey and there was no turning back now . The way h looked at her was with pure hate and she could feel it too by his words . She slowl turned her hand to open the door and got out of the car . Trey held his head back with his eyes shut and his hand partially covering his face . ? the Nikki why da fuck you playin games how you gone gimme some shit and fuck around wit me in the room like dat ? Ni ki snatched her arm away and inched back some . Sh was suddenly looking at a mad man . Sh squinted her eyes in confusion and frowned up her face . You full a shit ! ou put something in my drink . got proof you did dat shit too . a ass gone pay for dat . H had Nikki curious now . S e was wondering did he really have any proof and could it incriminate her ? Trey I m not sayin what he did was right . I want dat nigga myself . Y u got too much shit to think about to get caught up in this type of bullshit . I ain t gettin caught up in shit ! N gga I know what I m doin . He better enjoy his time he has left cause when I catch up to him it s over . rland Nah I know Nikki . I I would ve called her especially after what she did she either wouldn t answer or not be here since she knew I was coming . Beli ve me she don t wanna see me . They p ll up to her house and Nikki is actually sitting on her step . When s e saw the truck pull up her expression completely changed . Trey g t out . , U OMG ! rey what are you doing here baby ? S e ran over and hugged him . H didn t even touch her except to get her arms from around his neck . We need to talk ! T ey immediately was feeling some type of way . H was actually starting to have feelings of hate toward her . T e site of her turned his stomach sour . Excuse all the mistakes throughout this story . I noticed a lot in this section . I know you guys know what I meant to write but it 's still irritating to see and you can 't go back and fix it . I 'm sure they 'll be many more so here 's my disclaimer . . . lol They hollered for me to get in the car . I was in shock looking at Chrystal down there on the ground with her face all swollen , her eyes were black , her lips was busted and she was bleeding excessively . It looked like she lost a few teeth too . Marcus ended up dragging me in the car taking us out of there . Aleen was fuming . What I do to you ? I ignored her ass and put my ear phones in . S ddenly I had an idea . I wanted to see how quickly she would run her mouth to El . I picked up my cell phone and pretended to be talking on it . Yeah Trey will out of town so this weekend I ll be home by my lonesome I m going home tomorrow . . . . well I can t get around how I d like , but I won t be going anywhere for awhile so ok thanks for checking up on me talk to you later bye . I looked at her once I hung up . Her newsy a s was taking it all in . Let his pun ass come to my house again . I ma make ure I m ready for him this time . I was finish ith my pedi and about to get my nails done . Crystal was f nishing up too . My cousin Ale n walked in as Crystal was going to the register . She saw me st ring at her as she walked over to me . isWeek Commun Why you looking at that girl like that ? A the time Crystal was on her cell phone . I was wondering if she was talking to El . Aleen wait ! S e was out the door behind her . I told the nail tech to give me a minute but she told me she had other customers . I needed to go and catch my cousin . I ended up paying for my pedi and told her I d just have to come back . Wh le I m doing this I see people looking out the window in the nail salon as it was indeed a fight going on . On rutches on all I made my way out there . All I saw was Aleen s body over Crystals throwing punch after punch after punch in her face . Evan and Marcus must ve left to go somewhere real quick because I saw them pulling into the parking lot as I was getting to Aleen . They umped out of the car and pulled Aleen off of Chrystal seeing as though none of the spectators did a thing . ( S ) You got dat . ut you don t always have to get physical to fight back . I have intelligence . H r day will come all these bitches gonna wish they never fucked with Shanell . ( A ) I know that s right cousin . G t her info my feet ready to do some stomping and my fist ready to do some punching . I new it was a reason why I went hard this month at the gym . ( A ) It ain t like I ll be sitting at home . I ll be in LA . so it will be a vacation . You can show me around to all the hot spots . a ( S ) Ok . can show you a few places . on t plan on me staying at any of them . O t in the club on crutches is not a good look . r ( A ) Hey who said it has to be a club . t could be anywhere . know you and Trey have been to a lot of places . ( ( S ) Yes and no . ost of the time it s was work for him . H knows I don t do the club much not unless he wants me too . Ou lives our complicated enough . I on t need to be out and encounter anymore unnecessary drama . I ( A ) Well you might want to leave the scene when I see this Crystal chick cause I ma fuck her ass up ! Al en had me laughing but I knew she was serious as hell . Sh s never been the type to deal with any kind of bullshit just like me , but I ll just walk away she won t . The ne t day I decided to go get a mani and a pedi since I like to stay on top of those things . Obviou ly they only could polish my toes with the cast on it but at least they d still look pretty . My cous n Aleen was suppose to be meeting me there so I was also waiting for her . Marcus nd Evan was out in the car . I was c lled back by the tech to get started and as my luck would have it Crystal was back there . ccurate Then my dad calls my antie Sharon in the kitchen and my cousin Aleen comes in the living room to finally talk to me . Me and her are around the same age . She had been conversating with my dad . ( S ) I was just thinking about something Auntie Sharon said . he gave my address and number to Paige . he also said she had a girlfriend or best friend with her . m thinking it was Crystal . ( S ) I ve always wondered how El knew where I lived . C ystal took a photo one time of me and El that was completely innocent and somehow Trey ended up seeing it . S e also gave Trey her number before I wouldn t put it past her if she gave him my info . ( S ) Yeah the more I got to know her I knew she wasn t bout nothing good . S e s part of the reason I have to look at this scar everyday if it was her . The I suddenly put my hand over my mouth . . ( S ) Oh my gosh Aleen ! hen I was in the supermarket the day of the accident I ran into her . was talking to her for a brief moment but then she suddenly had to go . ho shows up when I get to my car El . I had just gotten into town that day so no one knew that I was here . S e must of told him . ( A ) Call Paige and get her shit just like she took your information . o it ! m fo real . Sh needs her ass whipped ! ( S ) You re right she does . I m so tired of people doing dirt to me and I just let it ride . No anymore . ( Raven ) I miss you being with us too cousin Shanell . ow s Trey ? I miss him too . I see him all the time in videos . H got rid of his braids . D ( S ) Ricky don t be like that . T at s your sister . If she s always copying you it s because she looks up to you . < ; ( Raven ) I don t always copy him ! H just thinks of things that I wanna do before I get to say it . We all start laughing . I ve had so many family members and friends come to my parents house and show me some love . t was a lot of their first time seeing the scar that El put on me too up close . had been here now a few weeks . y dad has been taking very good care of me . rey has come to see me every chance he s had . H even came with his best friend Ty . M and her are going to hang out real soon . I told her I d be going home this week she didn t know when she was going back yet she said she had to take care of something . She ecided to extend her stay but we re definitely going to have a girls night out before she leaves . I was happy she was here . Ty an Trey have known each other for a long time . I ve always liked her . He rar ly gets to see her since she doesn t live in the states anymore so I m glad she s here for him right now . Trey coul use her to talk too . I know I ve been stressing him out lately with everything that s been happening to me . I can see i when I look at him . He thinks h s hiding it from me , but I know this whole El situation is taking a toll on him . He will neve let me know it though , but at least he can tell her how he really feels without having to worry about protecting anyone s feelings . U f 6 " My dad had the kitchen smelling so good today . He was making dinner like it was a holiday . I was wondering how come he was cooking like this today . Little did I know I had more surprises to come . My Auntie Sharon came out with Raven and Ricky and also my cousin Aleen came to see me too . I was so happy to see them . Raven and Ricky were getting so big . They were almost teenagers . Ok you keep thinking I m playing . Wh n you read about her in the paper you ll know why . Trey just laughs . He s ill had El on his mind and the fact that he s partially responsible for Shanell being in the hospital this time too . He ha a score to settle . No on was going to change him mind about that . p Aw I m sorry to hear that . Ye h she definitely needs me then because she ain t gonna be able to get Nikki once she finds out . Trey just looked at Ty shaking his head . k Tell that to someone who will believe it . never pictured you with someone like Shanell either , but I see a difference in you when it comes to her . ou have really stuck by her and with her only . g I actually can see that . know one thing , I m glad ya taste improved because Nikki I always felt like she had issues . Sh was just too damn clingy . No look what s happening . It s umpteen years later and we still talking bout this bitch Ok let me stop because just talking about her makes me really wanna choke the bitch . U ' Good ! ven if you had a problem with it , it wouldn t matter . S e could ve done some serious damage to you by drugging you like that . Di you go to the infirmary to get checked out to see what it was that she gave you and if you were gonna suffer any side effects ? I ve been checked since then doe . T ey couldn t trace the drug because I didn t get seen right away . Er thing else was cool . Then y hugs Trey . 0 - 9 That s a relief Aw boo boo it s gone be alright you have to be honest and tell Shanell though . Take t from me . I kno with everything you guys have been through this is the last thing she needs to hear , but lying about it is only gonna make it worst for you . ; U Me and Buggzi will be downstairs . lease talk to him . e s hasn t been himself lately at all . Th boy got a lot goin on . It s Ty you talkin to Trey look at you you don t look alright . I ca tell and I m not even around you all the time like they are . Fo r al what s goin on ? Ty walks over to the couch and Trey joins her . U Trey handed me my crutches so I could try to get up . I had to sit back down . Oh my gosh that pain was too much . I didn t know how I was going to be able to get dressed on my own . Baby can you help me to the bathroom ? I put a lot of my weight on Trey to get up . T en he gave me the crutches . I was in pain but I had to move around . W finally made it to the bathroom . H came back out to bring me my dress and then he stayed in there with me and helped me to get dressed . O ce I received my discharge papers we were out and headed to my mom and dads . I was nice getting to spend time with my two favorite guys . M mom of course was still on the ship so she couldn t find out about this until they docked . He and my dad used calling cards . Th expense to use the ship s phone was just way too much . I w tched Trey and my dad talk and get caught up . My ad cooked dinner for us that evening . Bef re I knew it , it was time for Trey to be leaving . In hat instant I started losing my feelings of being safe and secure . I k ew I had Evan and Marcus but it was nothing like having the certainty of your mans words to comfort you . Kno ing that because he loves you he won t allow anything bad to happen to you but he s leaving and so are those secure feelings . U Trey got very little sleep on the Red Eye . He was arriving back in Detroit because he had a show to do that night . He had some interviews to do and a sound check and then he had the rest of the day to relax and get ready for the show that night . Once they arrived back to the hotel suite Buggzi and CiCi had a surpise for Trey . He must ve seen me come out of the store and followed me to the car . H kept saying he wanted to talk to me and that he wasn t going to hurt me . I anicked and got away from him and the next thing I knew I woke up here . Tre was quiet for a minute . ; Aw baby come here . Tr y moves closer to me . y baby always on the go I m glad you came to see me babe . I kno you got a lot on your plate right now and I m sorry to add to it with this . @ l Ya leg all fucked up in shit . ow you gone mess my shit up ? I started laughing . I better still be able to lift it like I use too if not , dat nigga that ran that stop sign gone get fucked up . I ju t couldn t stop laughing . I s ould fuck him up anyway puttin my baby in here nigga shouldn t be drivin . U @ U Ugh ! I laid my head back in frustration . I couldn t help but to think it never fails . It always seems like something just has to happen to me . U You ! ow do you think I feel whining Go h Trey I had some great interviews set up . I ust hope I still get to do them . I otta get back to work . ' Not right now you don t . Y u gotta take care of that leg . Y u gone hafta go through physical therapy so work gone hafta wait . Baby calm down . hey have been protecting me . his is not there fault . romise me you won t say anything to them promise me Trey ! ' c ' Please Mr . Weiss ! M dad left out of the room . H had a puzzled look on his face . H couldn t understand why I suddenly went into panic over El . He walked down to the café to get some coffee when his phone rang . It was Trey . I don t mean it like that son . H alth wise she seems fine . I just was in the room with her talking about the events of that day Yes you can . e had to give her something to help her to relax so she s probably feeling the affects from it . H r blood pressure is a bit high so we re monitoring that . My ad came back in the room . He ame over to me and stroked my hair as he talked to me . F Aw I hate seeing you like this . elly belly you ve been through so much eyes began to water . I l ve you so much . I c uldn t have asked for a daughter to be any more special than what you are to me . Just relax ok . I did just that and ended up falling to sleep . I don t even remember the rest of that day . Al I remember is waking up the next morning with Trey asleep in the chair beside me . My head felt clear . My sprits were pretty good . I tared at Trey for a minute . He looked so cute . Hi hand was resting on the side of his face as his elbow leaned on the arm of the chair . I as so happy to see him I woke him up . 5 softly says Babeee He quickly looks over at me . Su prised that I was up he gets out of the chair and give me a gentle kiss . Hi look turns serious . I opened up my eyes and just looked around the room . A nurse was in the room looking at the monitor jotting down my vitals . Then she speaks to me . Good Morning ! t s good to see you up . H w you feeling today sweetie ? she opens the curtins in the room . " T e doctor will be in shortly to see you ok ? I j st stared at her . The she took my temperature . I m ved a little bit and this sudden pain shot up my leg . I d dn t realize that I had a cast on it . The urse noticed me flinch . ed . You still feelin pain sweetie ? ere let me increase your pain medicine just a bit . T en the doctor walks in . H introduces himself as he checks my eyes and looks over my chart . You re doing very well . J st a few broken bones but luckily they were clean breaks . W just need to keep an eye on your head injury and you ve had some issues with your blood pressure fluctuating . Ot er than that you ll be able to go home before you know it . I m wondering what in the world happened . Next hing I know my dad comes in the room . He ru hed to my side . \ Baby you were in a car accident . ou been out of it since yesterday when they brought you in here . nother concussion and a broken leg . called Trey and let him know . don t know when he s gonna get here , but he does know . I s ddenly felt my face . I h d a small bandage on my forehead . ' Your face is fine you just suffered a scratch from your head hitting the stirring wheel . on t worry you still look beautiful . I miled . hanell what were you doing going to the store by yourself ? You were suppose to be with Evan and Marcus . < speaks with a raspy voice I know dad but they had gone I didn t think it would be a problem . Then thought about El . My pu se started racing . The m nitors were going off the hook and I started hyperventilating again . My da called the nurse in the room . He di n t know what was going on . U Yeah I do too . ll see you later . Sh quickly got out of there before Shanell noticed him . I as glad she had to go too . I aid for my groceries and put them in the back seat of my dads car . As soon as I shut the door and turned around El was standing there . I ooked at him with pure horror . I m not here to hurt you baby . I nstantly start to hyperventilate . hit ! Sha ell yo don t do that look I just wanna talk to you . ' l ' U LEEEAAVVEEE ME ALOOONNEEE ! ! ! I frantically tried to get in the front seat . H moved out of my way because he was worried about causing a scene . I just wanna apologize and make up for what I did Shanell ! I slammed the car door and nervously put the key in the ignition . I backed out . H was yelling something as I pulled off . I REALLY NEED TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT ! ! OU GOTTA HEAR ME OUT ! ! I sped out of the parking lot . I was shaking uncontrollably and crying immensely . I had to get to the police . S KKKKRRRRRR . . BOOM ! ! ! an @ JamRoC _ 4eva LOL ! ! ! All you guys comments are great ! Your starting to catch up to me as I 'm writing . I 'll put a new post up later on today : ) Shanell needs to get some pepper spray , a taser , and a knife . Maybe a gun too , but you can 't be going everywhere with that . I even have a taser and no body 's ever messed with me to get one . i had a lot of catchin up 2 do . but lol @ nikki last name bein parker . u kno shorty must b a damn stalker . lmao . i can 't believe el punk ass about 2 get outta jail . and i can 't believe nikki bum ass drugged and had her way wit trey . smh . if she ends up preggo , i ' ma need those 2 angels in the story asap givin her an ass whuppin of a lifetime lol : ) and smh . i didn 't like crystal feenin ass from jump . she 's probably 1 of the reason 's y the lapd got el 's paperwork messed up . smh @ shanell 4 not callin evan and marcus back . el punk ass better not do nuthin dumb ! 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Author of the LOST Addicts Blog and American Idol Addicts blog . I 'm taking up a new venture with FlashForward to help ease the pain of LOST leaving the air next year . The show has a lot of promise , so let 's dive in and see if FlashForward has the legs to become the next big thing ! What did YOU see ? Now that 's more like it ! Welcome back Flashers ! I made it no secret that I thought last week 's episode was mostly a dud . There were some pretty interesting things revealed , but coming off of the high the week before , it just didn 't add up . This week ? They changed things up on us . We got a flashback to before the blackout plus a character - centric storyline . It was a much - needed slower pace but more interesting at the same time . I get a little tired when they jump from one storyline to the next in one episode without giving us a chance to digest what is happening ! Sometimes less is more . And they managed to sneak a nice twist into the end of the episode that has nothing really to do with the MOSAIC Investigation . It won 't go down as the best episode of FlashForward , but it was a solid outing in my book ! ( or I guess blog ! ) So what went down this week ? We get a long - delayed back - story on the reasoning behind Bryce 's suicide attempt and his transformation POST - flash . We meet his Japanese " flame - to - be " Keiko and follow both of their paths towards finding each other ( one day ) . Mark finds out about the anonymous text to Olivia and starts snooping around for answers . There are some additional findings on the Flash - Free Rings and also on Demetri 's anonymous caller . Aaron also runs into some issues with the recently returned Tracy . Let 's see what we can break down here : We didn 't get much with these two in the episode . But the couple scenes spoke volumes for Aaron 's behavior in the rest of the episode . Aaron discovered an empty bottle of vodka next to Tracy 's bed where she was probably passed out drunk . Later on Tracy cooked some dinner for her father and she sat down to unwind with a bottle of wine . We find out that Aaron used to be a military man himself . We found out last week that Aaron doesn 't like to have alcohol in his home ( as he is an alcoholic ) . It was further enforced this week when he told Tracy that she could not drink in the house . He can 't handle it . Tracy goes off talking about all she has been through , takes her bottle to somewhere else in the house and drinks it . As we find out later though , this might be more of a concern for his daughter than himself . When Aaron and Mark were on the phone , they discuss Tracy 's fear of Jericho . Mark is looking into it but needs higher security clearance to get any more information . He mentioned that they have some operation based out of Santa Monica and something about a Think Tank . Also mentioned in the same breath as Jericho is Blackwater . Not sure if this was a hint at anything to come , but I figured I 'd throw it out there . Aftermath of " The Text " unveiling Okay , first of all . . . WHAT ? Anyone that knows anything about text messages know that a text message might pop up like that on phones when it first arrives , but then you have to ACCESS the texting section of the phone to look at it again . Wasn 't this incident weeks ago with the anonymous text ? I think it was rather convenient that it would just pop up on Mark 's phone ! Lazy writing maybe , but it got the ball rolling for this storyline . Olivia told Mark since he already told her about the drinking that she didn 't bother to bring it up . She also said that she didn 't know who sent it . Well , that didn 't stop Mark from trying to find out . As we know , there are 2 people we know that he told . Aaron and Stan . He first attempts to ask Aaron after an AA meeting . Keep in mind everything Aaron is dealing with at home and he has to get whiny Mark coming up to him about his problems yet again . Reenactment : Mark " Well , I only told 2 people . . . . so . . . you tell me " Aaron : " I deal with so much of your crap and your whining and this is trust I get in return ? I 'm going to throw some chairs now ! " And he does . Mark : " Stay away from my wife ! ! " Aaron : " Oh yeah ? Get a new sponsor ! And now I 'm gonna smack your face 3 times ! HA ! " So , Mark doesn 't get anywhere with Aaron so he moves on to Stan , his boss . Reenactment 2 ( don 't try this at home ) : Mark " well , uh , you did seem pretty p . o . 'd when I told you I WAS LOOOADED OKAY ? ? ? " Stan : " ohhhh no you didn 't ! You think I 'm going to stoop as far as telling your wife on you when you whine your confession to me ! ? Get out of my face ! " I know I had a comment or 2 last week suspecting that Stan might be the mole in the office AND the 7th ring bearer . I 'm not sure I 'm seeing it . But WHAT IF Stan was the one that ratted out Mark ? Could he be involved in things more than we think ? It 's not like he flat out denied sending the text . Then again , neither did Aaron . What WAS Stan doing in that bathroom ? Perhaps he is the one that lets the gunmen in ? Eh , I 'm not seeing it . I like Stan as a good guy , and I like to thinMOSAIC Investigations and Beyond The one Ring that will FOOL them all ! As requested by Stan in last week 's episode , further information was unveiled about the ring on Suspect Zero 's hand . Of course we have more knowledge that there were 7 rings , but the FBI does not know this ! Mark asked the question on everyone 's mind , why weren 't they able to render the face ? The NSA Agent Leevy ( sp ? ) gave some mumbo jumbo excuse about the face being washed out or something . And that the ring was a reflective surface with hard edges and they were able to render a 3D image of it . There was some weird symbol on the ring , one that I think was on the rings we saw last week too . Unfortunately , with less and less people providing screenshots , I can 't put it here ! Stan apparently didn 't find this information on the ring very helpful , and this Miss Leevy was apparently withholding information because of the current company in the room not making her comfortable . Long story short - Demetri Noh was Red Flagged by the NSA after they intercepted a phone call from overseas . The very phone call that Demetri received informing him that he 's going to die on March 15th . After some bullying , Demetri convinced the NSA Agent to make a call to retrieve the phone record . How to catch an anonymous Caller I think we had a back and forth discussion the blog back in episode 3 about what city the woman was calling from . Well debate is settled . Agent Vreede recognized the cheesy electronic music as the Symphony of Lights - the world 's largest music show , located in HONG KONG ! Once again Stan is against sending Mark and Demetri on one of these crazy leads . ( also making him a bit suspicious , but we 'll let it go for now ) Stan said he 'd put one of his top agents on it though . Mark , growing a set ( if Alda could see him now ) , told Demetri that they 're going to Hong Kong anyway ! YEAH MARK ! ! Okay , so my wife brings up a good point . They 're going to fly to the large city of Hong Kong and just FIND this woman with no other leads ? ! ? " Excuse me miss ? Say the word ' Murdered ' . . . . THAT 's HER ! ! " Sure , I 'm sure they 'll get more information before the next episode , but it seemed like you 'd want a better lead than just HONG KONG and the symphony of lights , but what do I know ? The Tale of Bryce and Keiko From discussions with his doctor , we find out that he has been battling this for awhile and that there is not much more that he can do . He asks how long he has , but we never hear the answer . But from his walk to his car , with all loss of hope , we can tell it 's not good news . He gets in his car , and not even paying attention backs right into a very fancy car ( sorry , not a car expert but it was expensive , I know that ! ) The drive flips out , Bryce doesn 't even say a word . He just pulls his car up and backs back into the other car 2 or 3 more times , gets out of his car and then walks away . The man calls the police and yells " You 're DEAD ! " Yep , that 's the idea buddy . 2 Week Before the Blackout We see the woman that Bryce has yet to meet or even see in his flash . We find out her name is Keiko later on and that she is interviewing for a job in Tokyo ( where she lives ) with the Nakahara company . Apparently she built some robotic hand and graduated with top honors as a medical engineer major at the University of Tokyo . But she has role models like Jimi Hendrix , plays guitar and likes salsa dancing too . The suits weren 't too impressed with those facts . She does get the job and there is a surprise party at her house where we see her mother trying to " arrange a match " with a successful business man Ito . And we also find out that the mother is the one really pushing for this big engineering job . We rejoin Bryce in Los Angeles , trying to return to his normal life . He freezes in surgery and Olivia questions his commitment . Bryce begins therapy . He claims that he is not a very good doctor . He didn 't know what he wanted to do and just did it . And now he has cancer . He does not want to tell anyone about the cancer . His father died of lung cancer and it was a 3 year chore on the rest of his family . He doesn 't want to put anyone through that . And he doesn 't want pity from his co - workers . The therapist urges that Bryce needs support . We see Bryce load the gun , head to the pier and attempt to pull the trigger and the ZAP - FLASHFORWARD ! ! We see that he is in some Japanese restaurant and asks for tea . Keiko comes in with a wheel on her shirt . " You 're really here ! Please sit " He grabs her hand , there 's the tattoo on her arm that means BELIEVE . They are clearly meeting for the first time but recognize each other from their Flash . woa . . . so they would not have met if the flash never happened , but now they 're inspired to find each other because of the flash ! We see Keiko wake up having the same exact flash . The sink overflowed in the bathroom . She is very happy about what she saw . Keiko is miserable at her job . She has visions from her flash of running with sparks flying all around . She is mimicking guitar movements while watching and listening to Bob Dylan playing " Shelter From The Storm " She is called into a conference with Mr . Nakahara himself and all he wants is for her to serve tea . Ouch . Keiko stops into a tattoo parlor on her way home . And remembers having one in her flash . She asks to get one . The tattoo guy scoffs at first but she is persistent . Keiko returns home and fights with her mother about quitting and not wanting to be in an arranged marriage . She says there is someone else out there for her . She wants someone with imagination . The Mother is not happy ! She gets so upset with Keiko that she kicks her out of the house . Bryce continues his obsession with finding Keiko We see all of the paintings in his home and now recognize everything is from his flashforward . We also see him learning Japanese ( much quicker than Jin learned English I must say ! But maybe not as quickly as Hiro learned English on Heroes . That was record timing ! ) Bryce throws up . He is sickly at work as well . He finally has to come clean to Olivia about the cancer . Olivia puts all of the pieces together and realizes this is why he wanted to kill himself . Bryce says that he 's in a better place now ( " I have something to live for " ) , and it 's just the couple days after the chemo but then he 'll be fine . We also find out that Bryce has had the cancer for a year and had his kidney removed before he started working at the hospital . Bryce and Nicole catch up later . We get a sense that she kinda has a thing for Bryce and his impressed he 's going to great lengths to find this woman . He later talks with a Japanese patient who is apparently aware of Bryce 's flash . Bryce shows her his drawing of the girl . The woman recognizes the wheel on the shirt from a sushi place just outside of Tokyo . Bryce thinks this might be the place where he meets her . Olivia makes some calls and finds a specialist trying some advanced experimental treatments in Houston . She got Bryce an appointment . Bryce says that he can 't sacrifice meeting this girl by getting sick . Olivia said that this might be what keeps him alive for his Flash and to take a couple days off and to go to Houston . Bryce goes to Tokyo instead to the restaurant with the wheel . The cook recognizes the picture as Keiko 's . Bryce gets directions to where he thinks Keiko 's home is . It is indeed her home , but her mother had already kicked her out . She realizes that this must be the " OTHER MAN " out there for her and tells Bryce nothing . She says that she does not even know the girl in the picture . He calls Nicole and is clearly upset . Nicole tries to reassure him that the trip wasn 't a waste . He did get a name , but maybe he needs to be more patient . I mean , for real ! If he wants his flash to come true , then why is he seeking her out so soon ? But everything happens for a reason right ? Anyway , Bryce thinks he may have misinterpreted his flash . Maybe it was only a fantasy . FINAL SCENE Bryce returns home . We see him get off the plane . But the camera doesn 't follow him , it stays on the gate . Who do we see get off of the very same plane ? But Keiko herself who has gone through a make - over ( looking less like the business woman we saw all episode , and more like the woman from the flashes and Bryce 's drawings ) . She has the tattoo and we see more of her flash . She is running through the sparks and runs into a restaurant that says " Best of Los Angeles " . Ahhhh , it is a Japanese restaurant but it 's in L . A . ! ! Nice ! So what now ? Does Bryce keep pursuing her ? Does Keiko find Bryce before April 29th ? It sure seems like a first meeting in their flash right ? Why will Mark and Demetri be able to find this woman in Hong Kong immediately after flying there ( just guessing ) while it will take Keiko and Bryce 5 months to find each other ? These are the things that keep me up at night folks ! So there it is , a straight - forward episode with a nice story about Bryce and his future flame . Still some advancement of plot in the FBI Investigations and personal lives of Mark and Aaron . I liked it . Others may think it was a bit unnecessary , but it 's episodes like this that may allow them to stretch things out over a few seasons . So , next week is Thanksgiving , no new episode thank God ! Not sure how I would have pulled that one off ! But we 'll be back in 2 weeks with a new one . I hear there will probably be a 3 week break over the Christmas / New Years holidays too which means we may only get a couple more before another break . Hey , it works for me . I need as many breaks as I can get before January / February ! ( Did anyone hear LOST and Idol are both going to be on Tuesdays now ? Ugh , how will I manage this blogging nightmare ! ? ) Anyway , the next episode looks to be pretty intense based on the previews . Alas , I won 't spoil for those who like to not see any hints of the next episode . I 'll be sure to get some pictures up on last week 's and this week 's blog if pictures show up anywhere out there . I Hope everyone in the US has a great Holiday weekend next week and I 'll see you back here in 2 weeks ! After an episode full of lots of details and revelations , there was bound to be a little bit of a letdown right ? Somehow , after Al Gough selflessly sacrificed himself for the benefit of giving the world HOPE , we seem to be right back at square one by the end of the day , with a few twists I guess . It was a decent episode , but the big reveals at the end weren 't nearly as exciting as in previous weeks . Of course , this is just one man 's opinion ! I 'm still along for the ride and chomping at the bit for the next episode ! ( Disclaimer : I just had finished watching the season 3 finale of LOST in my rewatch , arguably one of the best episodes of the entire series . So , I don 't think I was going into the latest installment of FlashForward unbiased ! ) Still some stuff to discuss , so let 's get to it ! So what 's the premise of this episode ? It 's a new dawn for the POST FLASH world . Celia has received Al 's letter and went public with it . The world knows that the future can be changed ! Well , it can , but we 're finding that it won 't be as easy as they think ! Mark and crew follow a lead on the 3 star tattooed man that is after him in his flash ( have to say this one ended very predictably ! ) . Janis returns to the FBI as well ! On the homefront , Olivia and Mark are on the mend after some recent trials , but new challenges are surfacing ! Bryce and Nicole get some airtime separately . Nothing too significant . We dive more into the Aaron / Tracy dynamic . And , yes , there is the whole poker game and battle of wits between Simon and Lloyd . Some interesting nuggets there ! So , my friends here we go ! So Mark and Olivia booked themselves a hotel room on the beach and are taking a little break from their jobs so that they can WORK on their marriage a bit . Mark gets Olivia a gift to celebrate their 2nd chance . The fact that they can change the things they saw . Olivia says that she never thought they couldn 't . Before Olivia can open , Mark is summoned to work to follow up on a big lead ( we 'll get there ) . Later at the hospital , Olivia opens the gift and it just happens to be some lingerie to kickstart some making up ! One catch , it 's the exact outfit that she 's wearing in her flash . ( Yep , when she 's with Lloyd ! ) Later that night Mark comes home after a run - in with Aaron ( we 'll mention more later ) . He is so shocked that Aaron 's vision is coming true that he is losing hope again . Olivia mentioned that she didn 't wear her new outfit because Mark would probably take it right off anyway . I didn 't catch on at first , but they cut to some guy dumping trash . It must 've been at the hospital . She threw the lingerie out ! She is determined to change her future and tries to convince Mark of the same . This snowballs into another run - in with Lloyd . But not before Bryce mentions that he sensed something weird between Olivia and Lloyd and before we found out once again that Dylan had some tests to be run before he can leave . Simon is with Lloyd this time and appears to have some doctoral expertise as he reads Dylan 's chart to Olivia . Olivia , much to Lloyd 's unhappiness , tells them both that barring any setbacks Dylan should be okay to leave in a couple days . Note : Simon did ask if Lloyd was having any type of relationship with Olivia , and he said it was none of Simon 's business . Well , he didn 't come out and just say no ! Nicole Believes in the NEW Future ! Bryce apparently informed Olivia about Nicole 's flash because now Olivia is worried . But Nicole tells her not to worry as she knows the future is not written in stone ! She may not drown . But it didn 't stop Nicole from still thinking about it . They also show her pulling a flyer off the bulletin board that says " SANCTUARY - There 's a New Way " Is this different than the church group she wanted to join ? I guess we may find out . Operation Hide Tracy So , Tracy is alive and hiding at Aaron 's house . She doesn 't want to reveal anything that happened , she just wants to lay low . Naturally , Aaron is not having any of it ! Aaron has to wake Tracy up from a nightmare she is having of the incident in Afghanistan . Apparently , it 's a nightly occurrence . We find out that she indeed is missing half of her right leg and she has a prosthetic leg in its place that she hopped into when she woke up . Tracy has asked Aaron to not speak to anyone that she is alive and that she is only there to lay low . But Aaron wants answers . He has been grieving for 2 years , had her grave exhumed because he was convinced she was alive . He can 't even tell Tracy 's mother that she 's alive . His opinion is that 5 months from now they will be together in Afghanistan according to the vision . Something they both saw , so why not get started working towards it now ? She eventually comes around and starts to bring up what happened . Some was a recap of last week . The Humvee got attacked , but the kicker was that they were attacked by Jericho PMCs ( Private Military Contractors ) . Ahh all of that military jargon from last week is coming into focus now ! Jericho works for their military so she can 't trust them . 2 weeks before the attack , she was on assignment working long range recon on some village in Afghanistan . Her orders were to stay covert . But Jericho was there too . She saw them wipe out an entire village , killing women and butchering children . She didn 't know why but she told her superior officer . The end result was she was on the assignment where her Humvee got rocket launched ! Hmmmm . . . . what does destroying a village in Afghanistan have to do with everyone and their FlashForwards ? Could it be this same military crew that was after Mark in his Flash ? When they showed the explosion again , they showed Tracy immediately after . She said she thought she was the only one . I guess that was in reference to Mike being alive and she didn 't know ? Mark and Aaron have a meeting in Aaron 's car at some point . Being sworn to secrecy doesn 't mean anything between these 2 pals . Aaron snapped pictures on his cell phone of Tracy . She seems to be looking at the camera . I 'm not sure why she w ( Just got that song stuck in your head didn 't I ? ) The email is addressed to people at " nlap . us . com " I googled it and nothing of relevance comes up for NLAP . " National Laboratory Audit Program " , " Nebraska Lawyers Assistance Program " , " Non - Limited Aeration Process " , " Northern Lakes Accommodation Providers " . I guess it could be that first one . But who knows what that would mean ? Keep an eye on these names that were in the email : Gordon _ myhill @ nlap . us . com , gabe _ glayson @ nlap . us . com , philippe _ tarhan @ nlap . us . com The body of the email : " We have to take responsibility " and then referenced a PDF file : / / ssw - fileserver1 / datassw / documents83478 . pdf Perhaps this document proves that they were behind the blackouts ? Lloyd does end up sending the email and then we get a snapshot of his inbox . Not sure if there 's anything significant here : Liz Coulder is telling him the boss wants to see him ASAP ( makes sense , since he 's gone missing ) . Lots of emails about forms . Lucas and Lloyd have a 5 email conversation thread going on and he wants the last email resent . There are emails from Vern evans , bluebikecu , winderfiled co , Steven Thomas , Jake . Yep , I got nothing obviously . But you never know when these names will resurface ! Simon Arrives So Lloyd is playing more card tricks with Dylan , guesses the right card again ( the Ace of Spades ) and then Simon arrives to interrupt and finish their conversation . Here 's a question , Simon had Lloyd cornered in a car weeks ago and they didn 't have this conversation yet ? It 's like Lloyd said " we 're responsible for the deaths of 20 million people " and then Simon said " okay , that makes sense . Have a good day ! " and got out of the car ! But anyway , when in ROME ( or when on a serialized TV show ) . Anyway , what really has Simon buggered ( Sorry all folks in the UK if I spelled that wrong ! ) is that he caught wind of the email that Lloyd sent a little earlier . Hmm , I didn 't see him on the email , I guess one of those folk clued him in on it ? Lloyd used his GO TO line again " Our experiment killed 20 million people ! " Simon brings up a new angle that he still has doubts for the cause . What does that mean ? He even said they were responsible the first time we met his character ! Do we think that other people in their organization were unaware of the " experiment " performed and that is why Lloyd sent some documentation ? Or was the documentation in the email an article about Al Gough 's suicide attempting to change the future , which was the straw that broke the camel 's back on Lloyd wanting to go public ? In either case , that 's exactly what Lloyd wants to do . He wants to go public . And Simon is not on board with this . Simon mentions that Lloyd is also a prestigious award winning scientist . A Nobel Finalist and a recipient of the McCarthur prize . Simon decides that the only way to decide the going public vs . laying low debate is by a fine game of Texas Hold ' em between the 2 of them , just like in the old days . He explains that the GODS in ancient mythology used to solve debates by games like checkers and chess and mentions that they are god - like because they are responsible for 20 million deaths . Not sure I 'm on board with that analogy but the way Dominic delivered it with the creepy music sold it ! Let the games begin So somewhere in Los Angeles there must be an underground Casino where high stakes poker can be played ( that or Simon travels with poker tables , chips and dealers wherever he goes ) . There are other players there so they must have found a game somewhere . Anyway , the games begin and we learn a little bit about Simon and Lloyd 's takes on the Flash Forwards . Simon tells Lloyd that when he loses he won 't have to confess to a mass murder . Everyone looks up at the table . " Manchester Figure of Speech " ahhh good times . Some guy at the table brings up some Inevitability Index that is on the news . Simon calls it rubbish saying that someone made up the idea that the odds of the future happening can be calculated . Simon believes that Fate is Fate and that they 're not responsible . Also thinks that he 's going to win each hand they play bringing up ad infinitum and QED ( also brought up by the murder suspects in the FBI investigation ) . Q . E . D . is a latin abbreviation for quod erat demonstrandum meaning " which is to be demonstrated " So if you put it together : which is to be demonstrated endlessly , to infinity ? Well , I see why Simon is saying it in this example . He 's planning to prove that FATE has already been decided and he 's going to prove it by winning the game . Hmm , maybe that 's why the men in the FBI investigation said it also . Maybe they HAD to kill that guy in order for Mark and crew to start investigating them leading to the FLASH that happened . And that is why they mention Q . E . D . when they 're leaving the scene . Well , we 're not quite there yet . . . let 's get back to poker ! Simon continues his defense to why they shouldn 't go public . He tells Lloyd that they 're scientists not attention seeking reality contestants looking for 15 minutes of fame . Lloyd turns this around on Simon saying he always does this . He slept with someone named Cabrini 's wife and called it " electromagnetism " ( perhaps a NOD to Dom 's past on LOST ) , fired an assistant and blamed it on Darwin . blah blah blah . So bottom line from this entire debate . Simon believes fate is decided , Lloyd believes in free will . One other thing to note , Simon said " you 're not the only one who has lost someone " to Lloyd . This must be referring to Annabelle we learned of last week . But whoever she is , Lloyd is unaware that Simon has ever cared for anyone . Simon wins a hand and continues saying the game is pointless because he already won . Simon keeps winning , but then offers charity to Lloyd in a winner take all hand . Lloyd agrees . Simon , thinking he has the best hand lays down a 4 of a kind of Kings . Lloyd happily lays down a straight flush and wins . Doesn 't take any of the chips . Looks like they 're going public . We find out that Lloyd 's magic tricks are what helped him win . He cheated and told Simon he doesn 't leave things to fate . Now , if any of us were in Simon 's shoes , wouldn 't you cry foul for cheating ? ? ? But , I guess he knows he has been outsmarted and they 're going to go public . We 'll see ! FBI Happenings Mark is interrupted from his hotel stay with Olivia for the one lead that would make him head back to work . There was a homicide , and through the use of technology , they were able to realize from a cell phone video taken at least 20 feet away , that one of the men had a tattoo of 3 stars on his arm . AMAZING ! I don 't even think with the best computers in the world can you render a cell phone video to that degree of detail , but hey when in ROME ! These guys have some technology that we haven 't seen since the likes of CTU ! ( Jack Bauer always is able to do some nifty things with his non - iPhone cell phones even as far back as 2001 ! ) Quick interruption - everyone welcome Janis back ! She has a subplot going on the whole episode with Stan . She wants to take a leave of absence reevaluate her life since getting shot . She thinks that it was a sign that she was never supposed to get pregnant . Stan will not let her take a leave and doesn 't want her to lose hope on getting pregnant . " Al 's death proves that our choices still matter , now more than ever . " Yeah , but if she goes out of her way to try and get pregnant , wouldn 't that be showing that her choices DON ' T matter ? By the end of the episode , she 's looking into sperm donation . Well , there 's your answer folks , she don 't need no MAN in her life ! ( sorry for the grammar , it just felt like it had to be done , complete with 4 snaps of the hand in a waving motion ) Back to the investigation , Mark welcomes Janis back and she has flowers for Olivia for stitching her up . awwww We learn from Dem that the victim , and excuse the spellings , was Neil Parofsky from El Segundo . The video was shot by an Ingrid Alvarez who saw something passed off before he got shot . After watching the video , Mark is convinced they need to catch this guy and put him away to change the future . If he is behind bars , how could he break into the FBI and go after Mark ? ( at this point I 'm thinking , okay , even if they do catch this guy , who is to say that there is only one man with the tattoo on his arm ? What if it symbolizes an underground organization of military trained militia out to protect some big secret ? But , hey what do I know ? ) They go to talk to Ingird , but apparently there is another murder that the police are investigating . Ingrid 's roommate was killed . Apparently , these men knew that Ingrid saw something and wanted to take her out , but they got the wrong person . Ingrid discusses what she saw - She was working late at a Bird store . She saw 3 men in an alley and were in a heated argument . It got physical so she hid . She called 911 but they put her on hold ( REALLY ? ? ) . She then thought to use her phone and filmed the incident . They were arguing about a brief case which the 2 men took from Parofsky . She explained the 2 men as best as she could . One guy had Grey hair , the other was bald and muscular ( clearly the one that should stick around and be a menacing foe for future incidents ! ) Mark was going to sit Ingrid down with a sketch artist . The other thing Ingrid mentioned was that she heard what she thought sounded like Q . E . D . We discussed this above . Maybe these men were there for more than just the brief case ? How to Catch a Killer Mark tries to convince Stan that they need to set a trap using Ingrid as bait . Stan is apprehensive about it . They find out that Parofsky was a chief engineer for some kind of electronics and was suspected of corporate espionage . hmmmm interesting based on what we know by the end of the episode . Mark is convinced that if they get the word out of where Ingrid is , the men may try to killer her again . He thinks they have a mole in the FBI , and a mole in his vision that let the men in to FBI headquarters . Didn 't we already find out that Agent Vreede forgot to activate the security system or something ? Does that mean he 's the mole or that it was an accident that they were able to get in ? I don 't think Vreede would be so forthcoming in D . C . about the security system if he was a mole . But I don 't know . Mark , Dem , Janis and Ingrid set up the stakeout . Janis and Ingrid are inside . Mark and Dem are in a car outside . Inside , Ingrid discusses that in her flash forward she is not working at the store anymore . She was living in New York and working at the Bronx Zoo . She had already started the paperwork to sell the store after the blackout . She was planning to change her life for a future that might not even come true . Al 's death changed things for her too ( or so she thought ) . Dem told Mark that he told Zoey about what is supposed to happen to him . She wants him to quit . Dem doesn 't see the point of waiting around idle until he dies . He figures with his luck he 'll get hit bby a bus anyway . Ingrid said she is going to give Janis one of her cockatoos if they get out of this alive . Janis refuses though . Then the Breach happens . The lights go out , Mark and Dem are inside . Lots of sneakiness is going on . Then a grey haired man with a 3 star tattoo is sighted . Demetri yells " FREEZE ! ! " The man turns and seems to be reaching for something and Demetri shoots and kills him . Demetri is distraught . ( in my notes at this point I write again - " maybe the other guy has a tattoo too ? " Anyway , Demetri has an internal struggle that maybe Mark seJanis and Stan look at a re - rendered shot of Suspect Zero . We now see that he was sporting a ring on his hand . Stan wants to speed up the rendering process on the hand and try and match the jewelry to the man to catch their suspect ! I Spy a New Bad Guy ( and potentially Bad Actor ) It 's raining , we see military trucks all over the place . There are big silver cases everywhere , and then a Bald , Muscular man with a brief case . Oh right , and he has a tattoo with 3 stars on his arm ! DUH ! ! ! Some man takes the case from Baldy # 3 ( John Locke , and Sun 's boy toy Jae on LOST are Baldies # 1 and # 2 . Sorry , had to do it ! ) and takes it into some warehouse with some old guy and a desk in the middle of it . I love when people just have tables set up in the middle of a dark warehouse ! ( this guy looks like a familiar actor , but I can 't place him right now ) The man opens the briefcase and there are 6 fancy rings inside . He says there are supposed to be 7 . And then he goes into his little speech " After the Atom Bomb test , a colleague of Oppenheimer said it was a foul and awesome display . Now we are all sons of bitches " , then he shoots the briefcase delivery man and leaves with the briefcase . Maybe it would have been a more exciting ending if they just showed the 6 rings and said there were supposed to be 7 and the music crescendo 'd and the screen goes blank . . . . BOOM LOST ! ( whoops wrong show again ! ) Maybe it was the delivery of the Atom Bomb speech from this apparently Bigger Bad guy ( maybe not the ultimate bad guy . . . surely , I hope not ) . But I just wasn 't left with the same feeling I was with all of the other cliffhangers . But I do like this MAGIC RING concept . So there were 7 people that were probably immune to the causes of the Blackout . And one is suspect zero who was roaming around the Detroit stadium . Is he the one that still has the ring ? Is D . Gibbons one of the Magic Ring wearers ? So then I guess this Parofsky guy designed the rings maybe ? Or stole them ? In any case , I think the 7 ring wearers need a cool name . Like the Fellowship of the Rings ! Okay , something more evil and sinister , but you get the idea ! So , definitely interesting tidbits of information revealed in the episode , but I gotta say it was a little unbalanced and anti - climatic . But like I said in the beginning of this long - winded blog posting , after a series of awesome twists in last week 's episode , this episode probably didn 't have much of a chance of living up to it anyway . I may be in a minority though . What did you guys think of the episode ? Please discuss below and see you next week ! Sorry again for no pictures , this is looking like it will be a recurring trend . I will continue to put them in over the weekend or whenever someone out there posts them ! Until I get my own HD Screen Capturing abilities ! Follow me on Twitter for blog updates and additional findings : @ LOSTAddictsBlog There was one thing going through my mind during the first of the final sequence of twists that occurred on FlashForward last night : HE MUST HAVE A TWIN BROTHER ! ! ! Kidding , of course ! Mental note : if that does happen , I think it will be a safe time to quit writing this blog ! But in the meantime , WELCOME BACK Flashers . Rumor had it that we wouldn 't want to miss this episode and 3 quarters into the episode , I was still wondering why . It took me about 45 minutes into the episode to remember that they save the best stuff for the end of the episode . Sure , everything that led up to it was interesting and important in setting up the groundbreaking ending . But it should be stated that the show has developed a familiar trend of being pretty bottom heavy on the revelations ! Not that I 'm complaining . The show did its job again and has me hooked for another week ! Sidenote : If anyone watched the stellar premiere episode of " V " this week , check out my thoughts as well as updates on LOST on the Mothership of my Blogs . I wish I had time to dedicate a full - fledged recap to that show as well . Maybe one day . But come this spring , I will be pushed to my limits ! - sidenote over This episode followed Agent Al Gough , who had been more of a minor player until recently , Demetri and Mark as they tried to crack the case of the Blue Hand Group . Demetri and Zoey run into some troubled waters , Mark and Olivia try to dance around their troubled waters , Bryce meets Nicole and Aaron gets a visitor from Tracey 's past . Let 's dig in ! Before leaving for their respective work days , Zoey reminds Demetri that they have an appointment to check out the proofs of their Wedding invitations . They both talk about how both of their names are easily misspelled ( I know I got Demetri right , but not sure about Zoey , come to think of it ! ) Demetri has been distant since the blackout and completely missed the appointment getting wrapped up with the work ( which we 'll discuss in a bit ) . Zoey calls him out on it , Demetri leaves the argument on a bad note and goes out on his little FBI mission downtown . After a crazy night , he comes back and finally comes clean to Zoey that he didn 't see anything in his flash . Zoey remains convinced that he saw Demetri in his . So , she thinks they have conflicting visions and she chooses to have faith . Demetri professes his love for her and how he wants to make her happy , have kids , grow old , the whole 9 . Here 's the thing , they showed Zoey 's flash yet again and they STILL didn 't show Demetri in it . What gives ? Do we think Zoey is not being honest ? Or is she still just fooling herself ? Or , are we just not seeing all of the flash yet ? I still think Demetri would be an idiot not to go to bed on March 14th with a bulletproof vest on , and leave it on for all of the 15th ! Mark and Olivia Mark and Olivia are recovering from the grand encounter with Lloyd and Dylan in their home last week . They fool themselves into thinking everything is okay . Olivia has to work late and tries to convince Mark of the reasons why . Mark tells her that he trusts her . She hesitates and says she trusts him too . But clearly things are not going well ! Lloyd and Olivia have a run - in at the hospital . Lloyd stops in to thank Olivia for saving Dylan 's life and to assure her that he would never come between her and Mark . He would never want to break up a marriage . He seems genuine , but there still seems to be something there that they 're both trying to avoid . Olivia continued to remain distant , however . Clearly they can 't stay in this stalemate all season . They have tNanny Nicole meets Bryce Nicole , still trying to repent for whatever she is being drowned for in the future , decides to volunteer at the hospital Olivia works at . She is enlisted to shadow Bryce and help him out where necessary , and becomes immediately helpful . Well , newsflash , Nicole know Japanese because she lived in Okinawa while her dad was stationed there . She also took classes in Japanese when she moved back to the states . She was able to help settle down an older Japanese Lady who had received Sweet Peas , which are a bad omen in Japanese . The whole revelation had Bryce impressed . I couldn 't have been further off with the picture he drew of a woman in his FlashForward . It 's definitely not Janis ! ( although , I still liked my theory on that one ) It is a Japanese woman with a Japanese symbol behind her . Nicole immediately recognized the incomplete letter and finished drawing it . She said it 's the KANJI which means " BELIEVE " . 信 Nicole and Bryce must have bonded quickly because she went to Bryce 's house where he started discussing his Flash . He remembers images but just can 't put it all together . Nicole told him to go to Japan to find her which he scoffed at thinking it would be impossible to find her . So , she advised him to post his story on MOSAIC and she may find him . Did he really need Nicole to give him that advice ? Janis had to advise Demetri to put his story on MOSAIC . Don 't people know it 's the newest thing since Google , developed in - house by the Los Angeles branch of the FBI ? Eh , just a little nitpick , I 'm fine with the overkill ! So , I guess we 'll just need to stay tuned for a Bryce - centric episode to get more of this story . Aaron As mentioned earlier , Aaron got a visit from someone in Tracy 's Past . Corporal Mike Willingham to be exact . He was there as a favor to Tracy . Mike acknowledged that he should have contacted Aaron earlier but he had been adjust to normal life and trying to find a job . Apparently , Tracy made a promise with Mike that if anything were to happen to her that he needed to give Aaron back a pocket knife that holds some significance between her and her father . Upon this , Aaron became very emotional since he hadn 't seen the knife in 4 years when Tracy deployed . The kicker ? In his Flashforward he is giving the knife back to her ! Mike , not wanting to immediately spoil the moment , returns later to tell the tale of Tracy 's death because he didn 't want to give Aaron false hope . We got a " flashback " ( first one for flashforward ! ) to Mike and Tracy in an off road with their Humvee . Tracy spouted out more military jargon in a minute than most people would in a lifetime . Tango , Echo , Charlie , Bravo , Jericho . . . you name it and did I catch a " niner " in there ? ( actually it was sixer , but you gotta go for the Tommy Boy reference when you can right ? ) Seriously , I 'm still okay with the overkill ! The people they were chasing stopped and whipped out a rocket launcher . Mike was able to escape , but Tracy was stuck in the car . The roClearly , this was a blow to Aaron 's " faith " in the flashes . But he quickly recovers and calls Mike out to his place of work . He told Mike that his story finally gave him some peace and wanted to return the favor . Aaron gets Mike a job working with him . awww The episode opens with shots of a woman named Celia , and a voice over from Agent Al Gough . We know it 's Al in the beginning because A . ) it sounds like him and B . ) a few episodes back we saw him searching for a Celia on MOSAIC . Anyway , he is writing a letter to Celia and says that he knows she has 2 young boys ( twins ) and knows that she didn 't have a flashforward . She ensured her that she is not alone . They show her picking up a paper from her car that has the website http : / / www . alreadyghosts . com and shows the Blue Skeleton Hand that we became familiar with last week . Go ahead , it 's a real site , but it just takes you to the official ABC FlashForward site for now . Blue Hand Investigation Well , you certainly can 't knock on FlashForward for opening a bunch of mysteries and making us wait for answers . We got the answers to the Blue Hand quite quickly ! Mark , Al and Demetri are in the elevator about to start their day . We start this investigation with a little chit chat that seemed unimportant at the time , but Demetri makes a comment that I figured might come back into play eventually . Demetri is complaining that everything he says to his fiance is coming out wrong . He just wants to go back to the way things were before the blackout . Al reminded him that back in the day he used to crash on his futon until 4am playing Madden Football . They did a little Madden trash talk of who was better ( hey , I still do it , it 's fun and you 're never too old for it ! ) . Al accused Demetri of cheating . But Demetri called it " finding a way to change the game " . You don 't just throw a line in like that , without a payoff right ? We 'll get there ! The trio head into the morgue to investigate the bodies found at the blue hand house . We get a sidebar that Janis is recovering nicely . The bodies all have self - inflicted gunshot wounds . They all of traces of alcohol in their bodies and the girl also had extacy . Al also mentions that the one man is Ian Rutherford , which Mark immediately recognizes from Al 's case in the flashforward . So , Demetri did some research with MOSAIC and the bodies and found out that they 're all GHOSTS , the term given to people that did not see anything in their Flash . He references the website explaining that they gather at events across the globe to embrace the inevitable . The next meeting is in Los Angeles and is hosted by Dr . Maurice Raynaud . ( A symbolic name passed on to each host and named after some French doctor guy that discovered a disorder commonly known as " blue hands " ) A voice on the website started blaring out " Tonnight go downtown and check the time " . This was the way to find the death party . I should also note that Fiona Banks has flown in from London . She mentions to Al that it 's nice to meet him again for the first time . Ahh , you never expect to say that sentence in your life ! We 'll get more into Fiona / Al discussions in a bit . Already Ghost Death Party 3 FBI guys walk into a bar . One is wearing a t - shirt of The Police ( Mark ) , one wearing a ridiculous leather jacket ( Dem ) and the other wearing a cardigan ( Al ) . Which one stands out ? Ahh good times . They bust on each other 's attire for a bit but then continue to head into the generic " downtown " to find the party . Oh look , there 's a Blue clock on the wall of a building ! The FBI trio , get by the doorman with the easy password of " we got Dr . Raynaud 's invitation " . They all get a blue hand stamp and they roll in to the next challenge . Some crazy old man with a pimp cane and a gun walks in and decides to start an impromptu game of Russian Roulette , by pulling the trigger on himself first . Intense , but I still think the best TV Russian Roulette has to go to the one in the prison on season 3 of 24 . Wow , that was nuts ! Anyway , one of our FBI guys apparently had to play the game to move on . Al , knowing that he was alive in his flash , grabbed the gun really quickly and pulls the trigger . Nothing happens . After they suggest that there are no bullets in there , the man empties the chamber and hands them a bullet . Looking more closely at the bullet , it says " Not Today " on the side and is their ticket into the party . Mark finds a book of matches that he immediately recognizes from his " FLASH Board " so he swipes it up . You have to wonder if that really is going to play a big role in future episodes or if they just planted that in the episode because they had shown it in the pilot episode . Oh well , moving on ! There is a hostess - type lady who is explaining the party and how the Raynaud changes at each gathering . And says there is something for everybody " No Limts , No Fear " . Okay , so this party was nuts . There was one guy all wired up to electricity having water thrown on him . There were many prepared nooses all over the place among lots of other crazy stuff . Demetri brings up the fact that these people have nothing to lose . They 're dead anyway . Blue hand man arrives and what do you know , it 's one of the Cylons from Battlestar Galactica ! ( No spoilers please , I 'm only in season 1 ! ) Anyway , long story short ( too late ) , Raynaud takes out a gun and is about to shoot himself and the FBI stop them . He yells out " I want out ! I want it to end ! " Mark , so cool with his one - liners , tells him " Not Today . . . " Yeah Mark , you use their own slogan against them ! Sidebar : I 've been reading lots of complaints about Mark comparing him to Jack on LOST ( because there is a large " I hate Jack " fanclub out there ) . And well , this episode was probably the best comparison since Mark did some crying ! But , I really don 't have issues with either of the leads on the 2 shows . Especially not Matthew Fox ! He 's done some stellar work on LOST ! Let 's give Fiennes some more time to ease into his American role before we chastise him ! Interrogation So Mark , Demetri and Al begin the interrogation process of Raynaud , who turns out to be Jeff Slingerland . Jeff talks about his vision of a bottemless pit of darkness and emptiness , like he never existed . He said that they all find each other through MOSAIC and gets a one liner in " Couldn 't do it without you " ! Demetri gets annoyed and starts pressing Jeff for answers on the Blue Hand stamped body of the man who shot Janis . They get nowhere though . Jeff explains that everything is mapped out , they could put him in prison it doesn 't matter . He 's going to die . What everyone saw is going to happen . Al is pondering all of this information and then asks the ultimate question " What if you 're wrong ? " " You can 't escape what 's coming , no one can " is Jeff 's response . I think I figured out what their next interrogation strategy will probably be ! Mark and Demetri have a discussion later on . Mark tries to crack more jokes saying Raynaud makes Marilyn Manson look like Mr . Rogers . yikes . . . Demetri asks how Mark is going to handle knowing the date of his death . It 's the same old speech . YOU NEED TO FIGHT ! But I think Demetri gets to Mark this time when he says " everything in the flashes is going to happen . We can 't stop it " . He explains how all of the clues they have been following are dead on . This is what leads to Mark 's crying fit at home later , by the way . So , during the day Fiona and Al have some discussions about their flashes and start their Ian Blane Rutherford Case . Ian Rutherford : Born in 1984 , Father was in aviation , Mother makes cell phone components ( hmmm Cell phones . Lots of theories have already been made around Cell phone towers possibly being used in the blackout ) Fiona discusses her flash , she doesn 't remember anything from the dossier besides Ian 's name . She just remembers Al and the crow hitting the window . Her heart skipped a beat . Al got a phone call and she looked over the ledge . Wait , I thought Al looked over the ledge too ? Didn 't we see that last week ? Did something change somehow ? ( probably me looking way too much into it ) She wanted to help the bird but there was nothing she could do . Fiona asks Al who the call was from . Al recalls his flash . It 's his attorney and Al is realizing he killed someone ( a woman to be exact ) . Later on Al tries to invite Fiona over for some dirty rice ( nope , he actually meant food ) . He was going to attempt to make his favorite dish that his mother usually cooks for him . Fiona is jet lagged and declines . But Al offers up an idea to change the flashes . What if they cover the window with tape ? Maybe the bird won 't crash into the window . It 's worth a shot , he says . Finally , someone is trying to change things . Mark burned the bracelet in episode 2 , but this seems more significant . Oh wait , we 're not at the end of the episode yet ! So we watch Al cooking his rice at home and sitting alone drinking a beer , left to ponder the future and cry a little bit like his boss , Mark . " Changing the Game " Al comes into work , looking like a dead man walking . Leaves an envelope on Demetri 's desk , tells Demetri to get it into the right hands , and walks the opposite way of Mark and Dem ( heading to the conference room ) . In the conference room Stan , Fiona , Mark and Demetri discuss how to break Raynaud . Stan is advising Mark to change his approach . Demetri opens up the envelope which has a note to Dem " There 's always a way out " and a letter to this Celia ( ahhh the letter from the beginning of the episode ! ) He realizes Al is about to end his life . They find him on the top of the FBI building leaning over the ledge . Al , is determined to change the predestined future . Demetri tries to tell him that they can find and protect Celia . He 's supposed to be alive 6 months from now . " But if I 'm not here , that means we can change things . What I saw , what you saw . It doesn 't have to play out that way . " " I found a way to change the game " Ahhh , Madden comes back to bite you a new one when you least expect it ! And just like that , Al Gough becomes Al Went . ( I had to make at least one joke worse than some of Mark 's this episode ! ) Al jumps off the building , and just when you think that something might break his fall , we see his lifeless body at the bottom of the building . RIP Al Gough . We 'll miss you but we 'll never forget ! Another sidenote : My " Twin Brother " remark in the beginning would never work anyway , because it was AL who had those flashes of the future not any potential twin brother . So besides being potentially the worst storyline of all time ( right up there with Teri Bauer has amnesia and Kim is chased by the Cougar ) , it 's technically not feasible ! So , we all thought that they would be able to change things right ? But who thought someone would throw themselves off of a building to prove it ? Questions remain though , will Celia still die without Al there ? Will the Rutherford case continue as planned ? Will other people follow Al 's lead and try to change their destiny ? In case you hadn 't figured out what I was saying earlier , I 'm gueAftermath " Dear Celia , I don 't know your last name , I don 't know where you live . But i know you have 2 young boys . Twins i believe and i know you didn 't have a flashforward . It must be terrifying . You are not alone . Your situation is not as hopeless as you think . Our paths were meant to cross . I didn 't know how , I didn 't know when . But things have changed now . Things are no longer going to unfold as i had feared . My gift to you is release from that dread , from the feeling that you 're no longer in control . We will never meet . . . . . live your life , live every day . Know that the future is unwritten . . . make the most of it " We witness Demetri happily spending time with Zoey . Simon , absent from the entire episode , is staring at a bracelet that says " Annabelle " . What is that all about ? Aaron is ready to move on with his life , gets out of his truck , walks into the house . . . and WOAAA ! Does this show know how to end an episode or what ? Just when you think you got your jawdropping moment for the week , she rolls in . Double Game changing episode ! Yes , I figured she 'd be in the house , why else would that be the last scene ? But how did she get there ? How is she still alive ? What happened to her ? I guess she could have been taken hostage for awhile , but then how did she get free ? Notice , they didn 't show her left side , so they could be hiding the fact that she 's still missing a leg . That would definitely explain things . Just when they give hope that the future can be changed , the other side comes up big with showing us Tracy is alive . So , there has to be some kind of mixture of the 2 . Everything seems to be pointing towards the information , people and situations from the flashes are very real . But the decisions that people make can possibly change what 's in store . I 'm sure it all ties back to that Schrodinger 's Cat philosophy , but I 'll wait for it to be explained in layman 's terms . I still wonder how this show is going to be able to sustain multiple seasons . But the producers and even the book author himself are very convincing that this show has 3 - 5 seasons outlined , depending on its success . ( i . e . could be told in 3 seasons , but could be told better in 5 ) . There is a cliffhanger waiting at the end of season finale that will explain to us how this can continue on . I thought the same thing about LOST back in the day . How will it keep going ? They proved me wrong . And , of course , I thought that Heroes was laid out in a way that it could go on forever ! See how well that worked ? Yikes . . . ( yeah , I 'm still watching and not sure why ! ) Anyway , great episode , great ending and looking forward to more ! What did you guys think of the episode ? Discuss away in the comments section below . I 'll see you next week !
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Thirty one posts in thirty one days ! ! ! Sometimes at work I wonder if we 've ever done any of this stuff before , because the alternate is that we 're not very good . . . Congressional hearings appear to be more about forcing witnesses into embarrassing soundbites than about discovering or disseminating anything . . . I could have swore it was like 60 degrees here just yesterday . . . Probably nobody is all that interested in the complete history of my toolbox . . . Going to New York for the weekend . Got to meet new students to teach to make the donuts . . . I spent the afternoon prepping a lecture for class because I was sure I didn 't have enough content for the day - and then I never got to it . . . Don 't you think once you have contributed to NPR during a pledge drive you should be able to listen without the soliciting ? That would be killer . . . I printed two boarding passes today . For some reason that required six sheets of paper . . . After nearly two years it looks like the SOD schedule gridlock project is winding up . All that is left is room assignments and crying . . . When they say that people with a history of mental illness won 't be able to purchase guns , just who do they mean ? Somehow I 'm not sure that would have helped in the prior cases . . . DVR 'd " The Americans " last night . I wonder if it will be any good . . . I have some friends that still chat over Twitter . it may be time to unfollow them . . . Mostly I think if your power tool system is designed to replace 7 tools , that it probably doesn 't replace any of them very well . . . I was asked to review an outside candidate for their RTP process . Seems like it is going to be very difficult for me not to use here as a measure . . . But thirty one posts in thirty one days ! I bet there will be a substantial drop off now . . . The problem is attributable to technology mostly . It 's been longer than I can remember since I turned on my desktop on a regular basis . My power PC has basically been relegated to deep storage for photos and music and the place I sync my iOS devices . Evenings in our home usually see computing happening on laptops or even more often on tablets . Tablets are the best . One of the coolest things about them is that they power up like phones . No waiting for the thing to boot . You slide off the cover and there it is . Even the laptops take a couple of minutes to cycle through their startup sequence . So if I have a small task to do online , rather than boot up the tower or even the laptop I normally just grab the tablet . There was an original problem with the tablet when it came to blogging . The touchscreen keyboard wasn 't the greatest option for typing out anything more than a couple of lines . But somewhere along the way I solved that with an external bluetooth keyboard . Interestingly , as it turns out , when using the blogger . com site there were some small conflicts when using the iOS device . So even with a keyboard , blogging was not really possible . Eventually I found the Blogsy app , and then the Blogger iOS app some time later . This brings us to last night . Having missed the deadline I didn 't want to wait for a device to boot . I had actually planned what the post was going to be writing . It had several photos which I had taken earlier in the day . I was actually a little stoked because through various cloud application setups I was going to be able to blog on the tablet using photos I took with my phone earlier without ever having to download the phone . Seamless things like that are really cool . Conveniently the Blogsy app does allow for images to be placed any place within the post . I guess my preference has been to use the Blogger app because it is somewhat more spartan . The very lack of bells and whistles that would keep me from doing what I wanted to do in this case is the thing that takes me to that app in general . And so I wrote the post using the Blogsy app . I wrote the whole post and embedded the images where they went and everything was swell . Then , I went to publish and . . . nothing . The app would say it was prepping to post and then it would just stop . I tried over and over and got no place . Posting images to a blog is a fairly simple but specific purpose . None of the authoring tools I have used do it totally seamlessly . Were it not for the placement of the image I guess the blogger app is actually the most transparent . In the other cases , you have to identify and upload the image as a slightly separate process than uploading the post . On Blogsy , for local photos - which is what I was using - you have to identify on online photo hosting site and then pre - load the image to that site as a prep step for writing the post . I had seen something on one of the dialog boxes that had me under the impression that they had automated that process in the last app update . So this time I just drag and dropped my photos where I wanted them and kept on writing . I guess I read the notice wrong , because when I went to post it didn 't . Eventually I deleted all the photos . Went back a step and uploaded them to Picasa and then re - inserted them into the post , went to publish and EUREKA ! There it was . I found myself today spending some time talking about tools and toolboxes . For me it all started with the belt above . When I went to work for Chicago Scenic one summer I had to buy a list of handtools and something to carry them with . I bought this pouch then and still have it today . It 's a little more broken in now than it was then . Again I am not sure how or why but I still have the thing , it 's empty now just sitting in the garage waiting for some kind of task . This box was pretty basic . Hard to find anything . But it did the job . This was my box through my stint as a LORT carpenter and all the way through stock and grad school . I beat the hell out of this thing . It was rode hard and put away wet . That right latch no longer functions and didn 't for some time even when I was using it . This box was great , really easy to keep organized - simple to find things . If anything it was just too heavy . Ok to leave at a worksite . Not so great for packing in and out . Thankfully I didn 't do much of that . This was a pretty good lineup . My regular tools went in the Rally box and then I had a lot of space for overflow and safety gear and hardware . That SST box was ( ok , is - yes , these are ALL still sitting in the garage ) a beast . Way WAY to heavy to be practical . Eventually they reissued the thing with wheels and a handle for dragging . Much more practical that way . But still , I was starting to travel with power tools and while most of them had their own boxes I still needed the volume . Somewhere in here there is a missing toolbox . When I worked in the NYC shop I had to pack tools in and out but had too many for the pouch . The rally box was too heavy so I bought a soft side bag . It was a blue synthetic thing and somewhere along the way I must have totally trashed it , because it is not hanging out in my garage . The idea was that I would have secure storage for all of my tools in one place . So all of the power tools tht had their own cases got pulled out , the cases hung out in the rafters of my parents garage and the individual tools lived in here . Boxes just took up space . So because of that , the four box summer stock line up got reduced to a milk crate that lived in the JobBox and then these : With the missing soft side bag that would make three . While I was working in Vegas the bag on the right did the heavy duty , in and out of the site every day . I wrecked the d - rings holding the shoulder strap because I would try to carry too much stuff . I never really liked these softside bags though . They had the same problem as the first toolbox - can 't ever find anything . Plus with these there are hidden nooks and I often got poked and cut by bits and blades hiding within . So the whole time I was using them I was looking for a replacement . Eventually I found one . So here we have the bag of choice . Its a soft - sider , but there is also a place for everything with everything in its place . Of all the solutions this one has had the longest staying power . I 've been using it continuously for more than a decade now . For a while I couldn 't find it for purchase anyplace , but today when poking around I saw that CLC now deals direct from their website and this bag is still there . So maybe I will retire this one and get an identical replacement ( except without the broken plastic buckle that succumbed after I 'd had the thing maybe 5 months ) . I had a perfectly good post for tonight . It had a bunch of photos and this app doesn 't seem to have a graceful way to post photos amongst text - just puts them at the end . There 's no fun there . So I used the other app I have for publishing to the blog and for reasons beyond me it just won 't publish . This reminds me of my experience with my parents when doing my first High School Musical ; " RENT " . Unfamiliar with story and the true meaning of the play , and reason for its importance they were unhappy with the content and that we were allowed to do it as high school students . It containing drugs , aids , homosexuality , sex , etc . . . the main focus was LOVE , and how important it is to give and receive love no matter what you have and what your going through because ultimately , to love is why we 've been put on this earth . With all of that being said , I think the best way to measure a show , is to recognize its message , and to look at the good of the show and how it can impact lives , rather than the little worldly things that are in the mix of the true message . The arts are only reflections of our reality . . . do people not look at themselves in the mirror everyday before leaving the house for work , school , outings , etc . ? Student # 2 : has left a new comment on your post " Aubrey Ireland , College Student , Wins Restraining . . . " : generation of young adults . By the age of 18 ( and for many of us , before then ) we 've learned how to do our laundry , cook our own food , make our own friends , make decisions about our body , earn our own money and choose how to spend it , choose how we work and what we like to work on . I 'm very grateful that my mother took a hands - off approach in raising me , because I learned to be independent early on , making my life as a young adult much easier . I cannot even imagine what my life would be like if my mother had decided to be a hovering sort of parent . I 'm very glad that this student was able to escape from under her parents . Being the major funder of a college education doesn 't make someone your master . If a debt institution had set in place monitoring systems on her would be no debate as to how wrong this is . In this case , her parents were using the fact that they were paying for her education as handcuffs , and they choose to monitor her life . They were in essence a sort of debt service , and it doesn 't matter who or what does monitoring of this sort , if an adult doesn 't want to be watched , he or she shouldn 't be . Student # 3 : has left a new comment on your post " The Evolution of Asian Eyebrows : A ( Dia ) critical C . . . " : of them have eve mentioned the false stereotype in asian yellow face eyebrows . I 'll admit I didn 't even think twice about the eyebrows in " Cloud Atlas " I just took what I saw as reality . Because this style eyebrow has been around for so long , I think society has just stopped second guessing it . but now that I think about it more it really is a problem . Why do we have to exaggerate someones eyebrows just to be across a point . Also , why does to shape of the eyebros have to be such an " evil " one . It all seems quite racist . Student # 4 : has left a new comment on your post " TV episodes dropped after US shootings " : I long for the day when people will admit that PARENTING is the main issue here ! You are in control of shaping your child until they go to school and then they are influenced by their peers and even then , good parenting still reigns over ALL ! Regulate what your children watch , regulate what they do . Form good relationships with them , talk to them , educate them . I watched many violent films and played many violent games as a child , but am I out there shooting up people ? NO ! Why ? Because I understand the difference between fiction and reality . I also have a great value and respect for life . This was instilled in me from a very early age and still is now . Even when there was no television / media people ( Greeks , Romans ) were still fighting and killing a gun / weapon and use it . Killing innocents because you are angry or simply because you want to . Some people have no value for life and I think that this is the bigger issue ! ! Student # 5 : has left a new comment on your post " It 's All About " Process " " : only the first ten pages ( because " if you 've got it , it should be obvious " ) . It 's less of an encouragement and fostering and more of an audition for the playwright 's tone and style when put before an audience . Are those the merits of a playwright , being able to tell their story in ten minutes ? Or is it enough ( reasonable ? ) to expect that A call to action from arts advocate and revolutionary Ben Cameron , who says we are in the middle of an arts reformation not unlike the religious reformation . Both fueled by technological advances , both redistribute culture , both take away the intermediary between man and the divine experience . Pay attention ! Today I had interviews for the School of Drama . I can 't remember how many times I 've done this . There are probably as many as a dozen opportunities per year , maybe I do half of them , so in the neighborhood of 60 times ? 4 - 5 candidates an outing , sometimes more , so somewhere in the neighborhood of 300 candidates ? Must have been more than that actually . I used to be at the interviews more in my early years . So there 's a picture and maybe their resume and the bottom half is for our notes : who was there , anything of particular interest , and out rating of the candidate against a bunch of standards we 've come up with over the years . I don 't have one in front of me , but the list sounds something like : resume , portfolio , presence , presentation , academics , ideas , expression , maturity , and tenacity . They all mean roughly what you think they would . I interviewed for college in . . . 1985 maybe , that 's like 150 years ago , right ? If someone today walked up to me totally out of context and asked me what my SAT score was I could tell them . In point of fact I could come up with SAT , ACT , and class rank . I don 't off the top of my head remember my GPA , but lets be fair , it was 150 years ago and I am not currently applying for colleges . Which is all a very long winded way of saying that if when you fill out the form and decide to leave the test score blank , and then when we follow up in the meeting and ask " Did you take this test ? What was your score ? " and you decide to answer : " I don 't remember . " Well , you just sound foolish , and pretty much everyone in the room assumes you are lying . Based on the impact that exchange has on the interview process I 'd have to say that your score would have to be PRETTY BAD for this to be a net positive effect . Truth be told , the folks at your interview weigh the test score lower than the people not at your interview . You HAD to tell those other folks , so it 's already hurting your chances as much as it can , you can actually only HELP yourself by giving us the score at the interview , regardless of how bad it is . If you have a lousy interview and a lousy score - you had a lousy interview anyway so it didn 't really come into play . If you had a good interview and a lousy score , we can ask what you think happened with the score and possibly weigh your response in how we lobby our own and the university admissions discussions . If you have a lousy interview and hide a bad score , the hiding will only amplify our other judgements . And if you have an otherwise good interview and hide a bad score we 'll be wondering what it was you were hiding and how hiding that fact reflects on our assessment of your maturity . Also , when it comes back from admissions that you had a bad score , and it will , we will be caught unaware , unable to place the piece of information in context , and unready to form a case in your favor . So please , if you are going to college interviews anytime soon , be conversant about your GPA , Class Rank , SAT / ACT , and AP scores . If you think you 'll be nervous and will blank on the spot , take a moment and jot the relevant information down on an index card or a copy of your resume ( you know , the resume you will remember to bring ) so that you have it right in front of you when you need it . That way , even if the score isn 't what you would hope it to be you will come off as prepared and organized rather than as being evasive . Tonight we had dinner with friends . A shabbat dinner , Friday night and all , with people pretty well more observant than I am ( a post for another day ) . The part that was interesting to me was that part of the celebration tonight was in recognition of Tu Bishvat . I guess Mom really didn 't know anything about the holiday either , particularly when it was . So one of her standard responses to when we were going to do something or see someone would be " next Tu Bushvat . " I guess it was her way of saying " 5th of never . " So along with all the bits and pieces I learned tonight about the holiday , and along with the humor I tried to find by crossing this holiday with Passover ( yes , another another another post ) and by asking when we would celebrate Trombonisvat . . . with all of those things I got to think a lot about my mom . I 've been working on the schedule of classes , again . It 's the project that keeps on giving . I think I 'm almost home though . Take a look : It is really , really cold . . . That house on Fifth looks a lot nicer than the last time I was there . . . Posting every day is harder than it should be . . . I thought Hilary Clinton did pretty well with the committee . I bet the committee thinks otherwise . . . We 're into interview season at work . It 's like Sam used to say on West Wing " I live here in January " . . . My brother in law is moving to New York . That might complicate the holiday planning . . . Keep expecting to sit down for the next Steelers game . It 's going to be a while . . . It 's hard to give critical notes to people that are essentially volunteering . Don 't want to scare them off . . . Here 's my teaching week : teach , guest , teach , film , guest , film . That 'd make my father proud . . . The Carnegie Mellon School of Drama will be 100 years old later this year . I haven 't been there the whole time . . . The President looks more than four years older - not like Mondale did after losing - but older . Lots of interesting TD jobs open . Maybe I should freshen up my resume . . . Did I mention that it 's cold ? I had to move up a coat . I don 't remember it like this in Pittsburgh for a while . . . I decided to follow a whole lot more people on Twitter this week . Picked up a bunch of followers too , but I 'm now upside down . . . Did you watch the BBC series " Survivors ? " It 's pretty good , and the premise is all too possible . . . They 're lifting the ban on women in combat . It 's taking too long , but we move a little bit all the time . . . I still have to write a state of the option thing for work . The list of things I still have to do for work is pretty long . . . Looks like Apple took a bit of a hit today . I wish that really meant something to me . . . There are actors reading the Greenpage officially this semester . Never thought I would see that happen . . . Hockey is shorter this season . Should I follow the Penguins regular season or just be a playoff fan ? I feel like I should be more of a fan . . . Legislators in Texas are trying to make strippers get licenses and have them on their person at all times . Sounds like an opPosted by So , lovely . You created a pretty little show off Broadway and the man with the money wants to move you uptown for a lot more money . Great , huh ? I 'm surprised this article didn 't mention anything about the actors who , building a show in a Steppenwolf or OB venue , have to change their mindset to work in an exponentially bigger house . Mannerisms must get bigger , not to mention strengthening the voice to support a larger sound . Add to it the fact that some of these productions were extremely limited runs ( even as little as 3 weeks or so ) and now you 're going to a permanent 8 - shows - a - week gig . That takes some warming up . Sometimes you live in Chicago and don 't want to move to New York ; or maybe starting a long - term occupancy in New York represents a significant need for assistance in transportation and moving costs . There are serious considerations for both the actor and the producer , mentally / spiritually / physically and financially , that go beyond what the I loved reading this article and following Louise Brealey 's path to overcoming her fear and growing as a woman and actress . Nudity on stage is always a very sensitive topic , and should be handled as so . Brealey 's into a strength , placing her in a position of power , is an interesting exploration of what nudity means to oneself and in society . Brealey declares she wants to appear natural , not like some kind of unreal goddess ; yet eventually , because she plays Helen of Troy who has to be the most beautiful woman there ever was , she somewhat fits her appearance to what a woman should ideally be according to today 's societal standards . Now , is this simply part of her role , and therefore her duty as a performer , or does this show another facet of the issue ? Beyond the idea of the taboo and the embarrassment of nudity , I think this article also makes a strong statement about society 's expectation of women 's beauty , a controversial topic that has often been examined , discussed and re - examined . All in all , I am simply glad I got to read such an personal and insightful article on one of the most sensitive issues in theater . Student # 3 has left a new comment on your post " Texas Lawmaker Wants Strippers To Wear Licenses Di . . . " : is a good idea , I think pushing the cost onto the employees is questionable . If the employers are the ones making a lot of money off of their businesses , they should be the ones who offer safety training and incur the expense . Most other companies that have employees that are required to have safety training sessions are required to supply that training at their own cost . Why should this be any different ? I also question why these employees should be required to keep their license on their person at all times while working . There are not many industries that require this , so why would strippers need to ? It would make sense that their employers must have a copy of the license on record and would need to provide proof of licensing in order to put an employee on payroll , but it seems extreme to require the employee to display that license at all times . I am also curious as to what to harassment . " How is requiring someone to obtain a license forcing someone from a legitimate job ? Isn 't that making their job more legitimate ? Student # 4 has left a new comment on your post " Table Saw Safety : Why the British Think We 're Craz . . . " : chisel . The closest I 've ever come to losing a finger was using the latter . Why ? Inattentiveness and lack of experience . The immitigable fact is the cost of acquiring experience with the table saw , or any tool , can be high . Government doucuments and regulations are what they are , and hearing different approaches to and set ups for a tool use is helpful and instructive , as long as we remember that the buck , or maybe in this case it would be more appropriate to say the kickback , stops with you . Student # 5 has left a new comment on your post " ' Adventure Hour ' Is A New Take On Old - Time Radio " : story telling forms . Old - Time radio shows have been a favorite story telling style of mine since I was about 10 . I am very inspired by the work that the two Ben 's are doing . I would love to see one of these shows or even better be part of putting on a " fake radio " show myself . To me one of the most important elements of radio shows is that everyone between the audience members is lost today because of the " any time " qualities of the internet and recorded shows . The one place that live still remains strong is in theatre . So this connection speaks strongly to me . This weekend I 'm going to listen to the podcast online . with an all - star cast - and also because of the radical new way the film was recorded . Rather than filming actors merely lip - syncing to tracks they had recorded in the studio , the production recorded vocals live on set , with live piano accompaniment playing to them via in - ear monitors . To capture the raw emotion of this live performance the director , Tom Hooper , wanted to film with multiple cameras from multiple angles , which Then I started thinking there could be something to do off of regular USITT exhibitors . How about TOM CAT or ROSE BRAND , or CROSBY ? Those could be cool . Also , I think some of the coolest cosplay projects are where a group does a whole team like the JLA or the Avengers . Then I thought that even some of the things I had already come up with could be part of a league . Maybe a group would do . . . . . . Team PLASA , made up of a bunch of the regular exhibitors . Now all we need are people that can come up with the outfits - and people willing to wear them . Watch this space for other ideas as they come in . Think about it . Collectors don 't really need ammo at all , but if part of collecting is popping off a few rounds now and then , there 's no reason those rounds have to be lethal . Target shooters by definition are not trying to kill something , so non - lethal ammo would seem to be absolutely appropriate in that case . People trying to defend their homes really only need something that will turn an assailant away or put them down long enough to subdue . Rubber bullets ought to be able to fill that bill . So lets say hunters do need lethal ammunition . Isn 't it likely that we could put a reasonable cap on the number of rounds per day . I haven 't been hunting , but let 's say for argument that a responsible hunter can get by on 10 rounds / day and that a typical hunter is a weekend hunter needing two days of ammo between trips to refit . Would it be unreasonable to require purchasers to present a hunting license at the point of purchase for ammunition and limit ammo purchases to 20 rounds at a time ? The next time you came to buy ammo you would have to sign off on a statement saying when and where you had fired the ammo you previously purchased . Hard to kill dozens of people with hundreds of rounds if you can only possess 20 rounds at a time . There are of course dozens of possible objections to this sort of thing , but I also think there would be dozens of corresponding adjustments . Target shooters will say that the ballistic characteristics of rubber bullets are too different from standard ammunition . So maybe Shooting Ranges would have to have a different type of access , and maybe you could have as much ammo as you wanted at a range , but you could only leave a range with the same 20 round cap and license requirement . Hunters will say that there are people that go on longer excursions between refits and that there are actually subsistence hunters both of whom need more than 20 rounds available . So there would need to be classes of permit for outfitters and subsistence hunters . So I 've been watching Lance Armstrong on Oprah , listening to him talk about how all those times he said he didn 't cheat that he was cheating and I 'm thinking about how this makes me feel . I mean I am not the person hurt by his actions , but I did get caught up in the Tour excitement . I did invest my time and my attention in following and cheering for Lance Armstrong . I feel bad . I won 't say I feel betrayed . I don 't feel it personally . I don 't think Lance Armstrong did anything to me . But I do feel bad , and I do feel bad for myself . I guess I should feel bad for the people he hurt directly and substantively , people he badmouthed and belittled and sued and , well , beat while racing clean . And I am thinking culturally what is the other shoe ? Next week will Bill Clinton be on Oprah saying " well , actually , I did have sexual relations with that woman " ? WIll the guys that ran Enron go on Oprah and explain that they did rig electricity markets ? Are Kobe Bryant and Ben Rothlesberger coming up on her schedule ? Is there anything to be gained from any of those people do any of that ? Is there really anything to be gained by Armstrong ? I don 't really think so . The first half of the Armstrong / Oprah interview - there wasn 't much there that was shattering . It does seem like even in the midst of coming clean Lance still feels like he won those races . I guess there is kind of a level of " everyone was doing it " although he specifically wouldn 't say that . If you look back a few days to the earlier post , he doesn 't take the tack I thought was available . He doesn 't say they were just really good at coming right up to the edge . He says they cheated . He doesn 't say that it 's a " no harm no foul " thing where if you don 't get caught you didn 't really cheat . I think a little bit he might believe that though . He does say they knew they weren 't going to get caught so why not cheat . I got this email today . One of the students working on an upcoming show wanted to set up a meeting with me to evaluate the work done to date . I do these meetings for all of the shows , and timing the review is typically difficult . We don 't want to have the meet when the work is so complete that if there is a problem they have to go backwards , but we also can 't have the meeting so early that the work isn 't formative enough to gauge . Anyway , since my knee - jerk douchey response I have been considering what he wrote and how I answered . I think I might have been to quick to respond . See I know that I have heard Design Professors say " Good design is taking away . " So maybe " flush " is the right word . Maybe one would " flesh " out a concept but then " flush " out a design - wash away all the unneeded elements . I finished up the bulk of my planning for the spring semester . Syllabi complete for Basic PTM , Scenic Fabrication & Installation , Entertainment Rigging , and Studiocraft CAD - plus the schedule for Frosh Stagecraft . Pretty much all that 's left is pinging on people about thesis . I have to remember not to let that go too long this semester before starting . We made some changes in a couple of places that caused some venerable projects to drop out . I pencilled in a new course " Advanced Shop Fabrication " for the sophomores concurrent with ScenoFab . It 's sort of a " stagecraft 3 " for Technical Directors . Ben is teaching it and it will include lots of really crafty items as well as instruction on all the CNC equipment . The upshot of which is that the three weeks I had previously carved out for a pilot for that class are now gone - which is good because I had lost a lot of rigging content I now get to replace ; and the joinery project which has been part of the ScenoFab class since its inception goes away . No longer will stage managers suffer through mortise and tenon joints . The other change is that Basic PTM essentially reverted back to the old Production Planning class . When the change went the other way all of the departmental introduction material moved from my freshman class into the Sophomore Technical Management class . For some reason that just never seemed to work well - something that I actually think is a problem with a third class ( stagecraft 2 , I 'll have to remember to try to fix that ) - and so this fall we decided to put that content back in the freshman year . All in all I am fine with it because I kinda felt like the course was stronger in its previous incarnation anyway . The interesting thing was that when I put together the syllabus my organizational chart assignment dropped out . That 's weird , because that assignment was part of the old Production Planning class . But somehow in the current configuration ( and in my current estimation of the proper amount of homework ) it just doesn 't fit . I guess that is ok . For the past couple of years I hadn 't felt like the students were getting the same oomph out of the thing that they had before . Something about the way I was teaching the content or more likely the positioning of the assignment with respect to what was being taught in the design classes . Or maybe it has something to do with the nature of the Millennial students . In any case , finding a way to graphically depict all the necessary communication to execute a theatre production is no longer a requirement of Basic PTM . Today I came home to find myself before the Kitten Commission . They didn 't look pleased . I couldn 't tell you why given an entire house they would choose to sit on those two chairs . Could have been more bizarre I suppose . There could have been four chairs . Full meetings of the Kitten Commission are pretty rare though . It 's October . It 's dusk . It 's the second week of rehearsals for The Trojan Women , a modern version of Euripides ' tragedy in which I 'm greedily playing three different roles : Cassandra , the maddened seer ( a teenager in red - and - white striped long - johns ) ; Andromache , trophy widow of the city 's most decorated soldier ; and Helen of Troy , " the face that launched a thousand dicks " . I 'm standing in a dirty office in the old BBC training building on Marylebone High Street . There are dirty blue carpets on the floor and dirty great fluorescent tubes on the ceiling . There are six other people here . They 're all dressed ; I 'm in a bath towel that I 'm about to let fall to the floor . Nobody knows yet , but I 'm not wearing any knickers . The stress was piling up . A bad breakup was enough , but to have to manage her course load on top of that was too much to consider . She 'd considered suicide before the sudden clarity of deciding to take a semester off . I held her and told her everything would be all right , but Fifteen people were injured last week when a 33 - ton aquarium exploded in the middle of a Shanghai shopping center . The injuries sustained are reported mainly as cuts from the shattered glass , and not from , as one would suspect , sharks . The aquarium was installed two years ago , and had query , that is ) regarding their histories and policies on sexual harassment . While this consensus paints a rosy picture of our theatre community and its progressive attitudes , I know , and many people who read this will know , that this is not entirely accurate . While we may be Oz was the high - water mark of an ambitious program to convert some of the state 's abandoned auto plants to film studios . State taxpayers funded 42 % of the filming costs at Michigan Motion Picture Studios in Pontiac , outside Detroit , in the hopes that it and other productions would establish a new industry in the state . But the studio has been largely idle . Michigan 's Republican governor Rick Snyder vowed to cut back the state 's film subsidy program , and Hollywood studios began taking their business elsewhere . Now Michigan 's pension fund , which guaranteed bonds to finance the struggling movie studio , is left holding Actually , that headline might make it sound like I believe this to be whack , when in fact , I believe it to be very fresh . But that 's probably because I love Instagram so much . How the hell else am I going to show off my adorable niece and the double - dipped salted caramel and coconut donuts I just ate ? Am I supposed to just share these moments with my family ? I 'm not not a machine ! Ah , " The Nutcracker . " That celebration of all things Christmas , that choreographed ode to childhood , that visual spectacle replete with parties , pageants and even candy canes come to life . Oh , and yes : that show that pretty much ensures every ballet company can survive another season . As much as " The Nutcracker " may be an artful expression of holiday cheer , the two - act ballet is also a moneymaker in an industry that 's otherwise heavily dependent on the largesse of deep - pocketed donors . So Lance Armstrong is going to go on Oprah and tell the world that he did something , something that for more than a decade he 's been insisting he didn 't do . I 'll confess to being an Armstrong fan . I was a Gren LeMond fan way back when and when Armstrong hooked up with US Postal and put US Cycling on the rise again I was certainly excited . And when he won year after year I was very excited . But most importantly when he said " what am I on ? I 'm on my bike . " I believed him . When he retired and people started to leak stories I gave him the benefit of the doubt . I used to think : how could it possibly be true when he has so energetically denied all claims , how could he be dirty and jeopardize all the good he does as a public figure ? I also remember thinking that if he did come up dirty that it would be the biggest betrayal by an athlete of their fans in the history of sports . So it is going to fall apart this week . Armstrong wants to compete in triathlons and in marathons and for that he needs to come clean . And so I am sitting here wondering what he could possibly say that would leave him in a better place than he currently sits . There 's just one way I think it can work . He has to come up and insist that he didn 't actually break the rules . That in some way what he 'd done was really American . That like paying your taxes , if you don 't get caught that you didn 't do anything wrong , that he 's not responsible for enforcement and that if the regulators had been doing their jobs that maybe they would have caught him and then possibly things would have come out differently . It 's like how in football you can hold as long as the referee doesn 't catch you . One post per day is a hard thing to live up to . It wasn 't a resolution or anything , but it would be nice to continue . . . This post curtesy of a new app ( for me ) using native Blogger on the tablet . First time . . . The weather the last two days has me waiting for the other shoe to drop - or rather a boot ( and anyone doubting global climate change is bananas ) . . . No Stillers this weekend , but football still looks great on that giant screen . . . We babyproofed a little this week , no , not for us . We had friends over with a newly walking toddler . Seemed like a good idea to block off the stairs . . . It seems like cabinetry is expensive no matter how one goes about it . . . I heard someone say today that the President is specifically picking people the Senators will have individual problems with baiting them to obstruct so that we can get Senate rules reform . If he 's that deep as far as I am concerned he can be President for life . . . At some point when I really wasn 't paying attention the calendar year rolled over . . . You can really tell who follows your social media and who doesn 't by what they ask about your break . . . after nearly a decade I changed up some of my classroom paperwork ( you saw some of the early work ) . I wish I were better at laying out documents . . . My sister texted me last night and got me stalking my own digital footprint from four years ago . Hard to believe my mom has been gone that long ( actually most days it 's difficult to believe she 's gone at all ) . . . I have to find a way to cut down the rough housing in our house without being a wet blanket . It 's a tough sell . . . I think tomorrow we might actually start a real ball rolling on some landscaping for this spring . Be great to have an outside more commensurate with our inside . . . I go back to work Monday . As of today I am almost ready for that to happen . It 's nice for at least one day of the semester to be ahead . . . From SBR : Selectively Biased Rants 1 . Reply with your name and I 'll respond with something random about you . 2 . I 'll tell you what . . . " Eureka ! ! ! " Have you ever had that thought ? Or maybe " This is so cool I just want to show EVERYBODY ! " Don 't just think about how . . .
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Thirty one posts in thirty one days ! ! ! Sometimes at work I wonder if we 've ever done any of this stuff before , because the alternate is that we 're not very good . . . Congressional hearings appear to be more about forcing witnesses into embarrassing soundbites than about discovering or disseminating anything . . . I could have swore it was like 60 degrees here just yesterday . . . Probably nobody is all that interested in the complete history of my toolbox . . . Going to New York for the weekend . Got to meet new students to teach to make the donuts . . . I spent the afternoon prepping a lecture for class because I was sure I didn 't have enough content for the day - and then I never got to it . . . Don 't you think once you have contributed to NPR during a pledge drive you should be able to listen without the soliciting ? That would be killer . . . I printed two boarding passes today . For some reason that required six sheets of paper . . . After nearly two years it looks like the SOD schedule gridlock project is winding up . All that is left is room assignments and crying . . . When they say that people with a history of mental illness won 't be able to purchase guns , just who do they mean ? Somehow I 'm not sure that would have helped in the prior cases . . . DVR 'd " The Americans " last night . I wonder if it will be any good . . . I have some friends that still chat over Twitter . it may be time to unfollow them . . . Mostly I think if your power tool system is designed to replace 7 tools , that it probably doesn 't replace any of them very well . . . I was asked to review an outside candidate for their RTP process . Seems like it is going to be very difficult for me not to use here as a measure . . . But thirty one posts in thirty one days ! I bet there will be a substantial drop off now . . . The problem is attributable to technology mostly . It 's been longer than I can remember since I turned on my desktop on a regular basis . My power PC has basically been relegated to deep storage for photos and music and the place I sync my iOS devices . Evenings in our home usually see computing happening on laptops or even more often on tablets . Tablets are the best . One of the coolest things about them is that they power up like phones . No waiting for the thing to boot . You slide off the cover and there it is . Even the laptops take a couple of minutes to cycle through their startup sequence . So if I have a small task to do online , rather than boot up the tower or even the laptop I normally just grab the tablet . There was an original problem with the tablet when it came to blogging . The touchscreen keyboard wasn 't the greatest option for typing out anything more than a couple of lines . But somewhere along the way I solved that with an external bluetooth keyboard . Interestingly , as it turns out , when using the blogger . com site there were some small conflicts when using the iOS device . So even with a keyboard , blogging was not really possible . Eventually I found the Blogsy app , and then the Blogger iOS app some time later . This brings us to last night . Having missed the deadline I didn 't want to wait for a device to boot . I had actually planned what the post was going to be writing . It had several photos which I had taken earlier in the day . I was actually a little stoked because through various cloud application setups I was going to be able to blog on the tablet using photos I took with my phone earlier without ever having to download the phone . Seamless things like that are really cool . Conveniently the Blogsy app does allow for images to be placed any place within the post . I guess my preference has been to use the Blogger app because it is somewhat more spartan . The very lack of bells and whistles that would keep me from doing what I wanted to do in this case is the thing that takes me to that app in general . And so I wrote the post using the Blogsy app . I wrote the whole post and embedded the images where they went and everything was swell . Then , I went to publish and . . . nothing . The app would say it was prepping to post and then it would just stop . I tried over and over and got no place . Posting images to a blog is a fairly simple but specific purpose . None of the authoring tools I have used do it totally seamlessly . Were it not for the placement of the image I guess the blogger app is actually the most transparent . In the other cases , you have to identify and upload the image as a slightly separate process than uploading the post . On Blogsy , for local photos - which is what I was using - you have to identify on online photo hosting site and then pre - load the image to that site as a prep step for writing the post . I had seen something on one of the dialog boxes that had me under the impression that they had automated that process in the last app update . So this time I just drag and dropped my photos where I wanted them and kept on writing . I guess I read the notice wrong , because when I went to post it didn 't . Eventually I deleted all the photos . Went back a step and uploaded them to Picasa and then re - inserted them into the post , went to publish and EUREKA ! There it was . I found myself today spending some time talking about tools and toolboxes . For me it all started with the belt above . When I went to work for Chicago Scenic one summer I had to buy a list of handtools and something to carry them with . I bought this pouch then and still have it today . It 's a little more broken in now than it was then . Again I am not sure how or why but I still have the thing , it 's empty now just sitting in the garage waiting for some kind of task . This box was pretty basic . Hard to find anything . But it did the job . This was my box through my stint as a LORT carpenter and all the way through stock and grad school . I beat the hell out of this thing . It was rode hard and put away wet . That right latch no longer functions and didn 't for some time even when I was using it . This box was great , really easy to keep organized - simple to find things . If anything it was just too heavy . Ok to leave at a worksite . Not so great for packing in and out . Thankfully I didn 't do much of that . This was a pretty good lineup . My regular tools went in the Rally box and then I had a lot of space for overflow and safety gear and hardware . That SST box was ( ok , is - yes , these are ALL still sitting in the garage ) a beast . Way WAY to heavy to be practical . Eventually they reissued the thing with wheels and a handle for dragging . Much more practical that way . But still , I was starting to travel with power tools and while most of them had their own boxes I still needed the volume . Somewhere in here there is a missing toolbox . When I worked in the NYC shop I had to pack tools in and out but had too many for the pouch . The rally box was too heavy so I bought a soft side bag . It was a blue synthetic thing and somewhere along the way I must have totally trashed it , because it is not hanging out in my garage . The idea was that I would have secure storage for all of my tools in one place . So all of the power tools tht had their own cases got pulled out , the cases hung out in the rafters of my parents garage and the individual tools lived in here . Boxes just took up space . So because of that , the four box summer stock line up got reduced to a milk crate that lived in the JobBox and then these : With the missing soft side bag that would make three . While I was working in Vegas the bag on the right did the heavy duty , in and out of the site every day . I wrecked the d - rings holding the shoulder strap because I would try to carry too much stuff . I never really liked these softside bags though . They had the same problem as the first toolbox - can 't ever find anything . Plus with these there are hidden nooks and I often got poked and cut by bits and blades hiding within . So the whole time I was using them I was looking for a replacement . Eventually I found one . So here we have the bag of choice . Its a soft - sider , but there is also a place for everything with everything in its place . Of all the solutions this one has had the longest staying power . I 've been using it continuously for more than a decade now . For a while I couldn 't find it for purchase anyplace , but today when poking around I saw that CLC now deals direct from their website and this bag is still there . So maybe I will retire this one and get an identical replacement ( except without the broken plastic buckle that succumbed after I 'd had the thing maybe 5 months ) . I had a perfectly good post for tonight . It had a bunch of photos and this app doesn 't seem to have a graceful way to post photos amongst text - just puts them at the end . There 's no fun there . So I used the other app I have for publishing to the blog and for reasons beyond me it just won 't publish . This reminds me of my experience with my parents when doing my first High School Musical ; " RENT " . Unfamiliar with story and the true meaning of the play , and reason for its importance they were unhappy with the content and that we were allowed to do it as high school students . It containing drugs , aids , homosexuality , sex , etc . . . the main focus was LOVE , and how important it is to give and receive love no matter what you have and what your going through because ultimately , to love is why we 've been put on this earth . With all of that being said , I think the best way to measure a show , is to recognize its message , and to look at the good of the show and how it can impact lives , rather than the little worldly things that are in the mix of the true message . The arts are only reflections of our reality . . . do people not look at themselves in the mirror everyday before leaving the house for work , school , outings , etc . ? Student # 2 : has left a new comment on your post " Aubrey Ireland , College Student , Wins Restraining . . . " : generation of young adults . By the age of 18 ( and for many of us , before then ) we 've learned how to do our laundry , cook our own food , make our own friends , make decisions about our body , earn our own money and choose how to spend it , choose how we work and what we like to work on . I 'm very grateful that my mother took a hands - off approach in raising me , because I learned to be independent early on , making my life as a young adult much easier . I cannot even imagine what my life would be like if my mother had decided to be a hovering sort of parent . I 'm very glad that this student was able to escape from under her parents . Being the major funder of a college education doesn 't make someone your master . If a debt institution had set in place monitoring systems on her would be no debate as to how wrong this is . In this case , her parents were using the fact that they were paying for her education as handcuffs , and they choose to monitor her life . They were in essence a sort of debt service , and it doesn 't matter who or what does monitoring of this sort , if an adult doesn 't want to be watched , he or she shouldn 't be . Student # 3 : has left a new comment on your post " The Evolution of Asian Eyebrows : A ( Dia ) critical C . . . " : of them have eve mentioned the false stereotype in asian yellow face eyebrows . I 'll admit I didn 't even think twice about the eyebrows in " Cloud Atlas " I just took what I saw as reality . Because this style eyebrow has been around for so long , I think society has just stopped second guessing it . but now that I think about it more it really is a problem . Why do we have to exaggerate someones eyebrows just to be across a point . Also , why does to shape of the eyebros have to be such an " evil " one . It all seems quite racist . Student # 4 : has left a new comment on your post " TV episodes dropped after US shootings " : I long for the day when people will admit that PARENTING is the main issue here ! You are in control of shaping your child until they go to school and then they are influenced by their peers and even then , good parenting still reigns over ALL ! Regulate what your children watch , regulate what they do . Form good relationships with them , talk to them , educate them . I watched many violent films and played many violent games as a child , but am I out there shooting up people ? NO ! Why ? Because I understand the difference between fiction and reality . I also have a great value and respect for life . This was instilled in me from a very early age and still is now . Even when there was no television / media people ( Greeks , Romans ) were still fighting and killing a gun / weapon and use it . Killing innocents because you are angry or simply because you want to . Some people have no value for life and I think that this is the bigger issue ! ! Student # 5 : has left a new comment on your post " It 's All About " Process " " : only the first ten pages ( because " if you 've got it , it should be obvious " ) . It 's less of an encouragement and fostering and more of an audition for the playwright 's tone and style when put before an audience . Are those the merits of a playwright , being able to tell their story in ten minutes ? Or is it enough ( reasonable ? ) to expect that A call to action from arts advocate and revolutionary Ben Cameron , who says we are in the middle of an arts reformation not unlike the religious reformation . Both fueled by technological advances , both redistribute culture , both take away the intermediary between man and the divine experience . Pay attention ! Today I had interviews for the School of Drama . I can 't remember how many times I 've done this . There are probably as many as a dozen opportunities per year , maybe I do half of them , so in the neighborhood of 60 times ? 4 - 5 candidates an outing , sometimes more , so somewhere in the neighborhood of 300 candidates ? Must have been more than that actually . I used to be at the interviews more in my early years . So there 's a picture and maybe their resume and the bottom half is for our notes : who was there , anything of particular interest , and out rating of the candidate against a bunch of standards we 've come up with over the years . I don 't have one in front of me , but the list sounds something like : resume , portfolio , presence , presentation , academics , ideas , expression , maturity , and tenacity . They all mean roughly what you think they would . I interviewed for college in . . . 1985 maybe , that 's like 150 years ago , right ? If someone today walked up to me totally out of context and asked me what my SAT score was I could tell them . In point of fact I could come up with SAT , ACT , and class rank . I don 't off the top of my head remember my GPA , but lets be fair , it was 150 years ago and I am not currently applying for colleges . Which is all a very long winded way of saying that if when you fill out the form and decide to leave the test score blank , and then when we follow up in the meeting and ask " Did you take this test ? What was your score ? " and you decide to answer : " I don 't remember . " Well , you just sound foolish , and pretty much everyone in the room assumes you are lying . Based on the impact that exchange has on the interview process I 'd have to say that your score would have to be PRETTY BAD for this to be a net positive effect . Truth be told , the folks at your interview weigh the test score lower than the people not at your interview . You HAD to tell those other folks , so it 's already hurting your chances as much as it can , you can actually only HELP yourself by giving us the score at the interview , regardless of how bad it is . If you have a lousy interview and a lousy score - you had a lousy interview anyway so it didn 't really come into play . If you had a good interview and a lousy score , we can ask what you think happened with the score and possibly weigh your response in how we lobby our own and the university admissions discussions . If you have a lousy interview and hide a bad score , the hiding will only amplify our other judgements . And if you have an otherwise good interview and hide a bad score we 'll be wondering what it was you were hiding and how hiding that fact reflects on our assessment of your maturity . Also , when it comes back from admissions that you had a bad score , and it will , we will be caught unaware , unable to place the piece of information in context , and unready to form a case in your favor . So please , if you are going to college interviews anytime soon , be conversant about your GPA , Class Rank , SAT / ACT , and AP scores . If you think you 'll be nervous and will blank on the spot , take a moment and jot the relevant information down on an index card or a copy of your resume ( you know , the resume you will remember to bring ) so that you have it right in front of you when you need it . That way , even if the score isn 't what you would hope it to be you will come off as prepared and organized rather than as being evasive . Tonight we had dinner with friends . A shabbat dinner , Friday night and all , with people pretty well more observant than I am ( a post for another day ) . The part that was interesting to me was that part of the celebration tonight was in recognition of Tu Bishvat . I guess Mom really didn 't know anything about the holiday either , particularly when it was . So one of her standard responses to when we were going to do something or see someone would be " next Tu Bushvat . " I guess it was her way of saying " 5th of never . " So along with all the bits and pieces I learned tonight about the holiday , and along with the humor I tried to find by crossing this holiday with Passover ( yes , another another another post ) and by asking when we would celebrate Trombonisvat . . . with all of those things I got to think a lot about my mom . I 've been working on the schedule of classes , again . It 's the project that keeps on giving . I think I 'm almost home though . Take a look : It is really , really cold . . . That house on Fifth looks a lot nicer than the last time I was there . . . Posting every day is harder than it should be . . . I thought Hilary Clinton did pretty well with the committee . I bet the committee thinks otherwise . . . We 're into interview season at work . It 's like Sam used to say on West Wing " I live here in January " . . . My brother in law is moving to New York . That might complicate the holiday planning . . . Keep expecting to sit down for the next Steelers game . It 's going to be a while . . . It 's hard to give critical notes to people that are essentially volunteering . Don 't want to scare them off . . . Here 's my teaching week : teach , guest , teach , film , guest , film . That 'd make my father proud . . . The Carnegie Mellon School of Drama will be 100 years old later this year . I haven 't been there the whole time . . . The President looks more than four years older - not like Mondale did after losing - but older . Lots of interesting TD jobs open . Maybe I should freshen up my resume . . . Did I mention that it 's cold ? I had to move up a coat . I don 't remember it like this in Pittsburgh for a while . . . I decided to follow a whole lot more people on Twitter this week . Picked up a bunch of followers too , but I 'm now upside down . . . Did you watch the BBC series " Survivors ? " It 's pretty good , and the premise is all too possible . . . They 're lifting the ban on women in combat . It 's taking too long , but we move a little bit all the time . . . I still have to write a state of the option thing for work . The list of things I still have to do for work is pretty long . . . Looks like Apple took a bit of a hit today . I wish that really meant something to me . . . There are actors reading the Greenpage officially this semester . Never thought I would see that happen . . . Hockey is shorter this season . Should I follow the Penguins regular season or just be a playoff fan ? I feel like I should be more of a fan . . . Legislators in Texas are trying to make strippers get licenses and have them on their person at all times . Sounds like an opPosted by So , lovely . You created a pretty little show off Broadway and the man with the money wants to move you uptown for a lot more money . Great , huh ? I 'm surprised this article didn 't mention anything about the actors who , building a show in a Steppenwolf or OB venue , have to change their mindset to work in an exponentially bigger house . Mannerisms must get bigger , not to mention strengthening the voice to support a larger sound . Add to it the fact that some of these productions were extremely limited runs ( even as little as 3 weeks or so ) and now you 're going to a permanent 8 - shows - a - week gig . That takes some warming up . Sometimes you live in Chicago and don 't want to move to New York ; or maybe starting a long - term occupancy in New York represents a significant need for assistance in transportation and moving costs . There are serious considerations for both the actor and the producer , mentally / spiritually / physically and financially , that go beyond what the I loved reading this article and following Louise Brealey 's path to overcoming her fear and growing as a woman and actress . Nudity on stage is always a very sensitive topic , and should be handled as so . Brealey 's into a strength , placing her in a position of power , is an interesting exploration of what nudity means to oneself and in society . Brealey declares she wants to appear natural , not like some kind of unreal goddess ; yet eventually , because she plays Helen of Troy who has to be the most beautiful woman there ever was , she somewhat fits her appearance to what a woman should ideally be according to today 's societal standards . Now , is this simply part of her role , and therefore her duty as a performer , or does this show another facet of the issue ? Beyond the idea of the taboo and the embarrassment of nudity , I think this article also makes a strong statement about society 's expectation of women 's beauty , a controversial topic that has often been examined , discussed and re - examined . All in all , I am simply glad I got to read such an personal and insightful article on one of the most sensitive issues in theater . Student # 3 has left a new comment on your post " Texas Lawmaker Wants Strippers To Wear Licenses Di . . . " : is a good idea , I think pushing the cost onto the employees is questionable . If the employers are the ones making a lot of money off of their businesses , they should be the ones who offer safety training and incur the expense . Most other companies that have employees that are required to have safety training sessions are required to supply that training at their own cost . Why should this be any different ? I also question why these employees should be required to keep their license on their person at all times while working . There are not many industries that require this , so why would strippers need to ? It would make sense that their employers must have a copy of the license on record and would need to provide proof of licensing in order to put an employee on payroll , but it seems extreme to require the employee to display that license at all times . I am also curious as to what to harassment . " How is requiring someone to obtain a license forcing someone from a legitimate job ? Isn 't that making their job more legitimate ? Student # 4 has left a new comment on your post " Table Saw Safety : Why the British Think We 're Craz . . . " : chisel . The closest I 've ever come to losing a finger was using the latter . Why ? Inattentiveness and lack of experience . The immitigable fact is the cost of acquiring experience with the table saw , or any tool , can be high . Government doucuments and regulations are what they are , and hearing different approaches to and set ups for a tool use is helpful and instructive , as long as we remember that the buck , or maybe in this case it would be more appropriate to say the kickback , stops with you . Student # 5 has left a new comment on your post " ' Adventure Hour ' Is A New Take On Old - Time Radio " : story telling forms . Old - Time radio shows have been a favorite story telling style of mine since I was about 10 . I am very inspired by the work that the two Ben 's are doing . I would love to see one of these shows or even better be part of putting on a " fake radio " show myself . To me one of the most important elements of radio shows is that everyone between the audience members is lost today because of the " any time " qualities of the internet and recorded shows . The one place that live still remains strong is in theatre . So this connection speaks strongly to me . This weekend I 'm going to listen to the podcast online . with an all - star cast - and also because of the radical new way the film was recorded . Rather than filming actors merely lip - syncing to tracks they had recorded in the studio , the production recorded vocals live on set , with live piano accompaniment playing to them via in - ear monitors . To capture the raw emotion of this live performance the director , Tom Hooper , wanted to film with multiple cameras from multiple angles , which Then I started thinking there could be something to do off of regular USITT exhibitors . How about TOM CAT or ROSE BRAND , or CROSBY ? Those could be cool . Also , I think some of the coolest cosplay projects are where a group does a whole team like the JLA or the Avengers . Then I thought that even some of the things I had already come up with could be part of a league . Maybe a group would do . . . . . . Team PLASA , made up of a bunch of the regular exhibitors . Now all we need are people that can come up with the outfits - and people willing to wear them . Watch this space for other ideas as they come in . Think about it . Collectors don 't really need ammo at all , but if part of collecting is popping off a few rounds now and then , there 's no reason those rounds have to be lethal . Target shooters by definition are not trying to kill something , so non - lethal ammo would seem to be absolutely appropriate in that case . People trying to defend their homes really only need something that will turn an assailant away or put them down long enough to subdue . Rubber bullets ought to be able to fill that bill . So lets say hunters do need lethal ammunition . Isn 't it likely that we could put a reasonable cap on the number of rounds per day . I haven 't been hunting , but let 's say for argument that a responsible hunter can get by on 10 rounds / day and that a typical hunter is a weekend hunter needing two days of ammo between trips to refit . Would it be unreasonable to require purchasers to present a hunting license at the point of purchase for ammunition and limit ammo purchases to 20 rounds at a time ? The next time you came to buy ammo you would have to sign off on a statement saying when and where you had fired the ammo you previously purchased . Hard to kill dozens of people with hundreds of rounds if you can only possess 20 rounds at a time . There are of course dozens of possible objections to this sort of thing , but I also think there would be dozens of corresponding adjustments . Target shooters will say that the ballistic characteristics of rubber bullets are too different from standard ammunition . So maybe Shooting Ranges would have to have a different type of access , and maybe you could have as much ammo as you wanted at a range , but you could only leave a range with the same 20 round cap and license requirement . Hunters will say that there are people that go on longer excursions between refits and that there are actually subsistence hunters both of whom need more than 20 rounds available . So there would need to be classes of permit for outfitters and subsistence hunters . So I 've been watching Lance Armstrong on Oprah , listening to him talk about how all those times he said he didn 't cheat that he was cheating and I 'm thinking about how this makes me feel . I mean I am not the person hurt by his actions , but I did get caught up in the Tour excitement . I did invest my time and my attention in following and cheering for Lance Armstrong . I feel bad . I won 't say I feel betrayed . I don 't feel it personally . I don 't think Lance Armstrong did anything to me . But I do feel bad , and I do feel bad for myself . I guess I should feel bad for the people he hurt directly and substantively , people he badmouthed and belittled and sued and , well , beat while racing clean . And I am thinking culturally what is the other shoe ? Next week will Bill Clinton be on Oprah saying " well , actually , I did have sexual relations with that woman " ? WIll the guys that ran Enron go on Oprah and explain that they did rig electricity markets ? Are Kobe Bryant and Ben Rothlesberger coming up on her schedule ? Is there anything to be gained from any of those people do any of that ? Is there really anything to be gained by Armstrong ? I don 't really think so . The first half of the Armstrong / Oprah interview - there wasn 't much there that was shattering . It does seem like even in the midst of coming clean Lance still feels like he won those races . I guess there is kind of a level of " everyone was doing it " although he specifically wouldn 't say that . If you look back a few days to the earlier post , he doesn 't take the tack I thought was available . He doesn 't say they were just really good at coming right up to the edge . He says they cheated . He doesn 't say that it 's a " no harm no foul " thing where if you don 't get caught you didn 't really cheat . I think a little bit he might believe that though . He does say they knew they weren 't going to get caught so why not cheat . I got this email today . One of the students working on an upcoming show wanted to set up a meeting with me to evaluate the work done to date . I do these meetings for all of the shows , and timing the review is typically difficult . We don 't want to have the meet when the work is so complete that if there is a problem they have to go backwards , but we also can 't have the meeting so early that the work isn 't formative enough to gauge . Anyway , since my knee - jerk douchey response I have been considering what he wrote and how I answered . I think I might have been to quick to respond . See I know that I have heard Design Professors say " Good design is taking away . " So maybe " flush " is the right word . Maybe one would " flesh " out a concept but then " flush " out a design - wash away all the unneeded elements . I finished up the bulk of my planning for the spring semester . Syllabi complete for Basic PTM , Scenic Fabrication & Installation , Entertainment Rigging , and Studiocraft CAD - plus the schedule for Frosh Stagecraft . Pretty much all that 's left is pinging on people about thesis . I have to remember not to let that go too long this semester before starting . We made some changes in a couple of places that caused some venerable projects to drop out . I pencilled in a new course " Advanced Shop Fabrication " for the sophomores concurrent with ScenoFab . It 's sort of a " stagecraft 3 " for Technical Directors . Ben is teaching it and it will include lots of really crafty items as well as instruction on all the CNC equipment . The upshot of which is that the three weeks I had previously carved out for a pilot for that class are now gone - which is good because I had lost a lot of rigging content I now get to replace ; and the joinery project which has been part of the ScenoFab class since its inception goes away . No longer will stage managers suffer through mortise and tenon joints . The other change is that Basic PTM essentially reverted back to the old Production Planning class . When the change went the other way all of the departmental introduction material moved from my freshman class into the Sophomore Technical Management class . For some reason that just never seemed to work well - something that I actually think is a problem with a third class ( stagecraft 2 , I 'll have to remember to try to fix that ) - and so this fall we decided to put that content back in the freshman year . All in all I am fine with it because I kinda felt like the course was stronger in its previous incarnation anyway . The interesting thing was that when I put together the syllabus my organizational chart assignment dropped out . That 's weird , because that assignment was part of the old Production Planning class . But somehow in the current configuration ( and in my current estimation of the proper amount of homework ) it just doesn 't fit . I guess that is ok . For the past couple of years I hadn 't felt like the students were getting the same oomph out of the thing that they had before . Something about the way I was teaching the content or more likely the positioning of the assignment with respect to what was being taught in the design classes . Or maybe it has something to do with the nature of the Millennial students . In any case , finding a way to graphically depict all the necessary communication to execute a theatre production is no longer a requirement of Basic PTM . Today I came home to find myself before the Kitten Commission . They didn 't look pleased . I couldn 't tell you why given an entire house they would choose to sit on those two chairs . Could have been more bizarre I suppose . There could have been four chairs . Full meetings of the Kitten Commission are pretty rare though . It 's October . It 's dusk . It 's the second week of rehearsals for The Trojan Women , a modern version of Euripides ' tragedy in which I 'm greedily playing three different roles : Cassandra , the maddened seer ( a teenager in red - and - white striped long - johns ) ; Andromache , trophy widow of the city 's most decorated soldier ; and Helen of Troy , " the face that launched a thousand dicks " . I 'm standing in a dirty office in the old BBC training building on Marylebone High Street . There are dirty blue carpets on the floor and dirty great fluorescent tubes on the ceiling . There are six other people here . They 're all dressed ; I 'm in a bath towel that I 'm about to let fall to the floor . Nobody knows yet , but I 'm not wearing any knickers . The stress was piling up . A bad breakup was enough , but to have to manage her course load on top of that was too much to consider . She 'd considered suicide before the sudden clarity of deciding to take a semester off . I held her and told her everything would be all right , but Fifteen people were injured last week when a 33 - ton aquarium exploded in the middle of a Shanghai shopping center . The injuries sustained are reported mainly as cuts from the shattered glass , and not from , as one would suspect , sharks . The aquarium was installed two years ago , and had query , that is ) regarding their histories and policies on sexual harassment . While this consensus paints a rosy picture of our theatre community and its progressive attitudes , I know , and many people who read this will know , that this is not entirely accurate . While we may be Oz was the high - water mark of an ambitious program to convert some of the state 's abandoned auto plants to film studios . State taxpayers funded 42 % of the filming costs at Michigan Motion Picture Studios in Pontiac , outside Detroit , in the hopes that it and other productions would establish a new industry in the state . But the studio has been largely idle . Michigan 's Republican governor Rick Snyder vowed to cut back the state 's film subsidy program , and Hollywood studios began taking their business elsewhere . Now Michigan 's pension fund , which guaranteed bonds to finance the struggling movie studio , is left holding Actually , that headline might make it sound like I believe this to be whack , when in fact , I believe it to be very fresh . But that 's probably because I love Instagram so much . How the hell else am I going to show off my adorable niece and the double - dipped salted caramel and coconut donuts I just ate ? Am I supposed to just share these moments with my family ? I 'm not not a machine ! Ah , " The Nutcracker . " That celebration of all things Christmas , that choreographed ode to childhood , that visual spectacle replete with parties , pageants and even candy canes come to life . Oh , and yes : that show that pretty much ensures every ballet company can survive another season . As much as " The Nutcracker " may be an artful expression of holiday cheer , the two - act ballet is also a moneymaker in an industry that 's otherwise heavily dependent on the largesse of deep - pocketed donors . So Lance Armstrong is going to go on Oprah and tell the world that he did something , something that for more than a decade he 's been insisting he didn 't do . I 'll confess to being an Armstrong fan . I was a Gren LeMond fan way back when and when Armstrong hooked up with US Postal and put US Cycling on the rise again I was certainly excited . And when he won year after year I was very excited . But most importantly when he said " what am I on ? I 'm on my bike . " I believed him . When he retired and people started to leak stories I gave him the benefit of the doubt . I used to think : how could it possibly be true when he has so energetically denied all claims , how could he be dirty and jeopardize all the good he does as a public figure ? I also remember thinking that if he did come up dirty that it would be the biggest betrayal by an athlete of their fans in the history of sports . So it is going to fall apart this week . Armstrong wants to compete in triathlons and in marathons and for that he needs to come clean . And so I am sitting here wondering what he could possibly say that would leave him in a better place than he currently sits . There 's just one way I think it can work . He has to come up and insist that he didn 't actually break the rules . That in some way what he 'd done was really American . That like paying your taxes , if you don 't get caught that you didn 't do anything wrong , that he 's not responsible for enforcement and that if the regulators had been doing their jobs that maybe they would have caught him and then possibly things would have come out differently . It 's like how in football you can hold as long as the referee doesn 't catch you . One post per day is a hard thing to live up to . It wasn 't a resolution or anything , but it would be nice to continue . . . This post curtesy of a new app ( for me ) using native Blogger on the tablet . First time . . . The weather the last two days has me waiting for the other shoe to drop - or rather a boot ( and anyone doubting global climate change is bananas ) . . . No Stillers this weekend , but football still looks great on that giant screen . . . We babyproofed a little this week , no , not for us . We had friends over with a newly walking toddler . Seemed like a good idea to block off the stairs . . . It seems like cabinetry is expensive no matter how one goes about it . . . I heard someone say today that the President is specifically picking people the Senators will have individual problems with baiting them to obstruct so that we can get Senate rules reform . If he 's that deep as far as I am concerned he can be President for life . . . At some point when I really wasn 't paying attention the calendar year rolled over . . . You can really tell who follows your social media and who doesn 't by what they ask about your break . . . after nearly a decade I changed up some of my classroom paperwork ( you saw some of the early work ) . I wish I were better at laying out documents . . . My sister texted me last night and got me stalking my own digital footprint from four years ago . Hard to believe my mom has been gone that long ( actually most days it 's difficult to believe she 's gone at all ) . . . I have to find a way to cut down the rough housing in our house without being a wet blanket . It 's a tough sell . . . I think tomorrow we might actually start a real ball rolling on some landscaping for this spring . Be great to have an outside more commensurate with our inside . . . I go back to work Monday . As of today I am almost ready for that to happen . It 's nice for at least one day of the semester to be ahead . . . From SBR : Selectively Biased Rants 1 . Reply with your name and I 'll respond with something random about you . 2 . I 'll tell you what . . . " Eureka ! ! ! " Have you ever had that thought ? Or maybe " This is so cool I just want to show EVERYBODY ! " Don 't just think about how . . .
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A virtual tour of my art work with commentary , reflections and explanations . Plus drawings and photographs from my collection of things good , bad and otherwise ! ( To contact : sallie @ ican . net ) This has been another busy day of a very busy week . And why has it been so busy for me ? Because I am working hard at creating a business out of what has previously been mostly a hobby . but my business is listed there along with lots of other really interesting businesses . If you go there , you will find lots of organizations that sell fair trade items and are concerned about being green and ethical . Check it out . Anyway , they are going to be taking copies of this card ( African Grandmother , see above ) and placing it in some of their stores where you can buy it . This drawing , by the way , is a picture that came out of a political / social situation in Africa where so many grandmothers are ending up parenting their grandchildren because their children have all died of HIV / AIDS . Also , the organization it was designed for is associated with the Stephen Lewis Foundation . ( Remember December 1st is World AIDS Day . ) I have lots more cards that have political / ethical themes ( as my faithful readers know ) and I am hoping that they might be interested in selling some of those cards as well . Also in an effort to increase my creative potential , I have finally decided to seriously pursue the study of Adobe Illustrator ( I already have the software ) . One of my faithful readers sensed that I was finally ready to began and very kindly sent me the link for a wonderful web site called Hassle Me ( http : / / hassleme . co . uk / ) I have asked them to remind me every two days that I am supposed to be studying Adobe Illustrator . It will almost be like having parents again ! I had a very interesting experience today : I sold my first actual icons ! Not cards with pictures of icons on them or holy cards with pictures of icons on them , but almost - like - the - real - thing , pictures - on - wood icons ! Quite a few weeks ago , an acquaintance had ordered a " set " of icons ( one of Our Lady and the Holy Child and one of The Christ ) . I told him that I would see what I could do . So , first I drew this picture of Our Lady and the Child known as Our Mother Of Perpetual Help which I have shown you before . The fact that I was able to draw it as well as I did within the parameters of the traditional style was actually quite amazing to me . I can only guess that my ability had something to do with all the years I have spent meditating before this icon - - the icon that touches me more deeply than any other . Shortly after finishing the drawing of Our Lady , a dear friend of mine asked me to do a drawing of an icon called Our Lord Pantocrator . I had previously tried to draw one of the many versions of this icon , but it was far from being satisfactory . Fortunately , my friend was very patient with me and helped me create something closer to the traditional image . I finally reached a point where I think my friend was reasonably satisfied and she gave me permission to go ahead and print some cards for her using this image . Well , up until today , my acquaintance who had ordered the icons had not seen any of the work I had been doing as he does not have Internet access . In preparation for his visit , I even had the picture of Our Lady mounted on a plaque with gold trim . When he saw the drawings and saw as well how they will look when mounted on plaques , he was really almost speechless . He said several times : " I expected them to be good , but these are really , really good . They are excellent . So traditional and yet so modern at the same time . " Was this not music to my ears ? Of course it was . No matter what they say , every artist loves praise and I am no exception . He went ahead and wrote out a cheque for the full amount before Sallie Thayer Life is so very precious in all its forms . Everything that is alive struggles to survive until reaching a certain point of desperation or debilitation - - and even then if you give them the tiniest bit of hope , you can see the struggle to live return . Human beings can sometimes talk themselves into dying for various reasons , but I won 't go there tonight . I just mentioned the topic of life because I have been working on this new drawing of a wee babe entitled " Another Precious Life " . The drawing is not really finished yet - - lots of detail work still to be done or done more carefully - - but I wanted to show it to you anyway . I was attracted to this picture because of the unusual position of adult hands without a visible body and the baby being held at an angle . It is really a picture of mostly hands and tiny feet . Speaking of wee babes , for some time now I have been wanting to show you this lovely photograph taken by a friend of mine a number of years ago . This is a picture of my friend 's granddaughter dressed in the Baptismal outfit worn by the father of the little girl when he was an infant . I love the way she is holding her fingers - - reminiscent of Winston Churchill 's victory sign ! My friend was really looking forward to seeing her granddaughter grow up - - but that was not to be . She died of cancer in her mid - 50 's . Like most of us would , she fought hard to live . But all the courage in the world is frequently no match for cancer . My personal belief is that I will see my friend again some day in a place where we will be forever whole , healed and at peace . A place outside of time and age and pain . And that , in fact , my friend will someday meet this grandchild once again . Truly , life is precious in all its forms . May your life be blessed . It has been one of those days where I have kept almost falling asleep time and time again . My legs were bothering me last night at bedtime and so I finally fell asleep a little past 1 : 30 a . m . only to wake up at 7 : 15 . My home care was arriving at 8 so I figured I might as well just go ahead and get up . This left me a few hours short of a good night 's sleep ! I was fine so long as I was staying active , but then I started reading the weekend newspaper ( remember our Saturday paper is like the Sunday paper in the U . S . ) . After about an hour , I found myself nodding away , jerking awake , trying to finish reading the article , nodding away . So , I gave up reading the paper and figured I will maybe finish it tomorrow . Of course , everytime I glanced across the room , I would see miz k . d . sleeping away so comfortably . Cats never cease to amaze me when it comes to sleep . I hear that they need about 16 hours a day and they really make certain that they get it ! I think they are the absolute professionals when it comes to the art of relaxed sleeping . Like the cat in the drawing above . If you think it looks familiar , it should . This was the original drawing I did some months ago for a set of greeting cards . As we begin to get closer to Christmas , I made a copy of it and re - drew parts of it with torn wrapping paper and a gift tag which reads : " To Kitty From Santa " . This next photograph is one I came across recently and since it gave me a chuckle , I added it to my collection . It reminds me very much of a big ginger - colooured tom - cat I used to have by the name of Mr . Ginger . He was such a delightful character and I still miss him very much . Like so many male cats ( and other male creatures ) , he took the prize when it came to sleeping - - anytime , any place . Of course , among all creatures , the young sleep the best of all - - I guess they haven 't learned about all the fearful things that surround them yet . And a healthy human baby at sleep is certainly a beautiful thing to behold . This little one here - - all ready for Christmas - - looks like he mPosted by unshine on my shoulders . . . Light , today was filled with glorious light . Yes , it was bone - chillingly cold , but the sun was shining and whenever I could get myself in the right part of the sidewalk , I could even feel its warmth . Once I almost got hit by some falling ice . Amazing how much heat we still can get from the sun this time of year . I was thinking a lot about light anyway after two days of very cloudy skies : Wednesday it rained all day ; Thursday it tried to snow all day although by the late afternoon there were already glimpses of occasional sunlight . Light is the artist 's friend - - although too much or too little can drive you crazy when you are trying to get an exact colour on a canvas . The ability to show light and shadow can change a boring painting into something exciting . And , of course , there is nothing worse than a muddy canvas - - when it reaches that point , you may as well start over . I miss being able to work easily with the drama of light in my computer drawings . I understand , from those who know about these things , that this problem is largely my fault because I am too lazy to learn the more sophisticated software that would enable me to put down layers of shading where the colour underneath still shows through . Perhaps if all you folks out there who appear to be faithfully reading my blog were to get on my case . . . Oh , well , I would probably come up with some new excuse . Anyway , I want to show you a couple of paintings I did some years ago that were attempts on my part to express something about the symbolic nature of light and how it stands for God or good . I can 't recall if I have shown you these previously , if so , bear with me . This first one is called " The Piercing of the Heart " and represents the soldier 's piercing of the Heart of Christ at the crucifixion to make certain that he was really dead . Catholics have a whole tradition about the Sacred Heart of Jesus - - especially as a hiding place when you are overwhelmed by the harsh realities of life . This painting was done on poster paper usingSallie Thayer Now begins the time of the year when I seem to have to take extra pain medication more frequently . I don 't know if it is due to the cold , rainy weather or the pending snow storm , but something really has my joints going crazy today . At any rate , extra medication mean extra sleep is needed . During the times I have been awake , I 've continued working on this latest icon - - another icon of Christ , Panocrator . I have been working on it for a number of days now and I think I mentioned it briefly when I was recently discussing the difficulty I have of drawing men 's facial hair . I am still not finished with this drawing , but it is certainly far enough along for me to share it with you . This is my second attempt at an icon of Christ , Panocrator . The first one I posted some time ago . I downloaded it again tonight so that you could see it and compare it to the newer one . As you can see , the first one is much darker while the latest one has a more " golden " look about it . Much of what happens with icons , even for a novice like me , is unexpected and unplanned . I find this is also true to a certain extent with holy cards . It can really be quite exciting at times to see something appear on the screen as the drawing begins to come together that looks totally different from what I had planned to draw ! Well , I am starting to get drowsy again so I think I had better stop and call it a day . I am hoping and praying that once the snow arrives the humidity will decrease and maybe my joints will be happier . Whatever happens , I pray that we all have a happy day tomorrow , filled with blessings . And to all my American readers : Happy Thanksgiving ! Peace . Well , I did not even end up with one black eye , much less two and my nose , while still sore , is healing nicely . No , the biggest problem has been all the additional aches and pains I have had to put up with on top of all my usual aches and pains ! So , I have been spending a lot more time at home working on the computer . I 'm trying to draw another icon of Christ - - which is very difficult for me for a number of reasons . You may have noticed that I tend to draw many more children and women than I do men . One of the reasons for that is this primitive software I use does not provide any decent way to do the kind of shading necessary to properly depict facial hair or beard shadow . I keep experimenting and maybe one of these days , I will find a way . Of course , if I would stop drawing all the time and teach myself to use more advanced software , the problem would most likely be solved . Anyway , whenever I want to take a break from working on the icon , I work on a much simpler drawing like the one above . I call this one " A Kitten in my Coffee Cup " and it makes me chuckle when I look at it . Such a wee , little kitten - - so young that its eyes are still blue . Kittens are so irresistible at that age . So , here it is a little past 10 : 30 p . m . and I have to take Wheeltrans to the dentist tomorrow so I think it would be a good idea for me and miz k . d . to call it a day . May tomorrow be a good day for us all . Blessings and peace . I 'm feeling a bit like Humpty - Dumpty tonight as I had a great big fall this morning ! Nothing is broken , unlike poor old Humpty , but I do have a gash on my nose and may get a black eye . I was trying to do something clever while standing and holding on to my rollator / walker with one hand and reaching out with the other . Obviously , it did not work ! So , I have spent most of the day resting and finishing off this drawing that I started some time ago . I have entitled it : " Missing Nap Time " . I love the relaxed way that children can sleep any place , any time and wake up relaxed and refreshed . Back when I was healthy and normally active , I often forgot how tired you can get when you are a little person or a not - as - healthy , getting - older - person such as I am now . I can remember looking at children sleeping and thinking how sweet they looked . On the other hand , I can recall seeing elderly people sleeping in public and thinking , somewhat pityingly , how pathetic they looked . O , how the mighty have fallen . Enough of that . . . All this talk of sleep is my way of letting you know that I think the time has come for me to call it a day and do what the little girl in the drawing is doing - - only I plan to stretch out in my comfy bed . If I end up with two black eyes , I will try to get someone to take a picture of me so you can see how " colourful " I look ! Blessings and peace . Grandmothers and what ? you might say . . . What do grandmothers have to do with AIDS ? Well , in Africa , as I 've mentioned previously , many grandmothers are raising their grandchildren because their own children have died from HIV / AIDS . Of course , numbers of their children did not have to die if they could have had access to the current " cocktail " of drugs that enables many AIDS patients to live much longer , healthier lives . The problem , as you no doubt are aware , has been pharmaceutical companies unwillingness to make the cheap forms of these " drug cocktails " available plus the reluctance on the part of many groups and governments within Africa to talk about HIV / AIDS openly and admit what really causes its transmission . I have been thinking a lot about this whole problem again recently because I decided to do two new drawings . This first one [ above ] is called " Canadian Grandmother " and is taken from a photo of a Canadian grandmother who has been instrumental in doing some of the initial groundwork in forming the Mothers ( Grandmothers ) for African Grandmothers . The various local chapters of this organization do different types of fund raising and use the money raised to assist African grandmothers who are courageously raising all their grandchildren single - handedly without the assistance of social programs such as we have in Canada . If you would like more information about finding a group close to you or starting a group yourself , there is some information on the Internet or you could write me and I could put you in contact with people who either have some answers or know where to get them . This next drawing is one of the grandmothers being helped . She is also very active in her own community in South Africa . As well , she and the Canadian grandmother shown above are acquainted . It is my understanding that grandmothers in South Africa are called GoGo . I am not sure why or where the name comes from or even how widespread its use is since South Africa is a country of a number of different tribal languages . I thought about usinPosted by What really started me thinking more deeply once again about forgiveness were three news items : one on the TV and two in the Toronto Star newspaper . I quickly gave some indications last night of how I have approached my own struggles with forgiveness : by acting loving towards my enemies whether I feel that way or not - - especially by praying for them each day ; making my struggle to forgive an regular issue in the Sacrament of Reconciliation and reminding myself frequently that my faith teaches that I will be forgiven to the same degree that I forgive others . But that is just my way and there are all sorts of other ways out there that are enabling people to forgive and learn to love no matter how terribly they have suffered . The first news item that really started me re - thinking this whole subject was about elephants ! Perhaps some of you saw the recent 60 Minutes segment about the elephants gathering in northern Africa . They are very social animals and often get together in family groups . The reporter was being flown over an area where an unusually large number of elephants were gathering when they spotted men on horseback with guns . The guide knew right away what was going to happen so they put the plane down as soon as they could and got a land vehicle and drove overland to the location only to find rotting elephant carcasses as far as the eye could see - - only the ivory tusks had been taken . As an adult , I have come to have a great appreciation of all the creatures we share this planet with and when I see human beings casually slaughtering these magnificent beasts in order to make black market trinkets for tourists , I truly feel hate rise up in my heart . I don 't know these men and will never meet them , but there is a part of me that could gladly kill them - - instead , I begin the difficult process of praying for them - - not praying to change them , but simply asking God to bless them and when I think of them , praying to change my thoughts from anger to thoughts of compassion . I will tell you the truth - - it ain 't easy and lots of times I don 't succeed at all ! The next item that stirred all this up for me was a photo in the Star newspaper . It is a photo that I am not really sure should ever have been taken - - it is just so intimate and personal . However , it was taken and it was published and I saw it and I thought to myself " how will she ever live with that terrible grief ? " Her 3 - year - old daughter was playing where one would assume she would be safe : the yard of her baby sitter 's house , when a car with two teenagers in it went out of control and ended up on the lawn , killing the little girl . You know how I love to look at hands - - well , look at hers - - she is feeling such anguish and yet her hands hold the bird in such a way that it is not frightened . Will she ever be able to forgive ? I am mute before her for I have never suffered such a tragedy . Then the inquiry started regarding the work of the pathologist , Dr . Smith . The paper shows some of the people whose lives were forever changed by Dr . Smith 's findings - - findings which have now proven incorrect . Think of being charged with murdering your own child or the child of a family member . Not only is your precious child gone , but you find yourself accused of cruelly murdering it . Where do you even start to rebuild your life after something like this ? And what about forgiveness ? It seems to me that if you allow the hate to take over it would eat you up like cancer and rob you of any hope for ever being really free again . What can we say in the face of such tragedy ? Within the framework of my Christian faith , I pray for them all - - but then I must also pray for Dr . Smith as well as for the teenagers who killed the 3 - year - old at play as well as the men who killed the elephants . But of course , Christians are not alone in this approach . Just look at what a world - famous man who has suffered greatly for many , many years has to say about his fellow human beings : " Whether people are beautiful and friendly or unattractive and disruptive , ultimately they are human beings , just like oneself . Like oneself , they want happiness and do not want suffering . Furthermore , their right to overcome suffering and be happy is equal to one 's own . Now , when you recognize that all beings are equal in both their desire for happiness and their right to obtain it , you automatically feel empathy and closeness for them . Through accustoming your mind to this sense of universal altruism , you develop a feeling of responsibility for others : the wish to help them actively overcome their problems . Nor is this wish selective ; it applies equally to all . As long as they are human beings experiencing pleasure and pain just as you do , there is no logical basis to discriminate between them or to alter your concern for them if they behave negatively . Let me emphasize that it is within your power , given patience and time , to develop this kind of compassion . Of course , our self - centeredness , our distinctive attachment to the feeling of an independent , self - existent " I " , works fundamentally to inhibit our compassion . Indeed , true compassion can be experienced only when this type of self - grasping is eliminated . But this does not mean that we cannot start and make progress now . " The Dalai Lama is truly a man of peace , compassion and forgiveness . He had everything taken from him as a young man , he had to flee from his country and he has had to watch the mistreatment of his people who stayed behind . Yet , he speaks of those we would assume to be his enemies with compassion and even kindness . He does not excuse their behaviour , but the Dalai Lama does not hate and in spite of all he has suffered , his life is filled with a joyous freedom . I 've been thinking a lot about forgiveness for the past few days for various reasons . Whenever I think about forgiveness , I always think about those people in my life whom I have found most difficult to forgive . Like so many human beings from what we now call " dysfunctional families " , my parents are at the top of the list . This is a drawing I did of them from a photograph taken when they celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary . At that time , I was still a long way from even being able to admit how destructive our relationships were . Only years later when I began to face the truth , could I start learning how to let go of the past and forgive . Another recent event that started me thinking a bit more deeply about forgiveness was reading the testimony of a woman by the name of Anna . Her feelings and attitudes sound remarkably similar to mine although obviously the events in our lives would differ . Anna is a Roman Catholic as I am and she found her way to the beginnings of forgiveness through the Sacrament of Reconciliation ( more commonly known as Confession ) . I would like to quote that part of her story for you . " Finally after years of struggling , years of being told that my lack of forgiveness was perfectly understandable , I decided to see if returning to the Sacrament of Reconciliation would help . As I confessed my anger to the priest , I think I expected to hear him tell me as others had that it was understandable and even justifiable , but instead , he said to me very quietly , " you have to forgive . " Forgive ! I thought to myself forget that nonsense . Then the priest went on to say , you not only have to forgive , you have to pray for your parents . I was stunned . I mean , I knew what Christ Jesus said about loving our enemies and praying for those who mistreat you , but surely he did not mean parents who had abused me in every way imaginable , without respite , for all those years of my life . Parents who had left me so wounded that I was incapable of feeling love or making a normal commitment in adulthood . The priest , Posted by Flanders Fields by Major John McCrae , M . D . , Canadian Military ( 1872 - 1918 ) IN FLANDERS FIELDS the poppies blowBetween the crosses row on row , That mark our place ; and in the skyThe larks , still bravely singing , flyScarce heard amid the guns below . We are the Dead . Short days agoWe lived , felt dawn , saw sunset glow , Loved and were loved , and now we lieIn Flanders fields . Take up our quarrel with the foe : To you from failing hands we throwThe torch ; be yours to hold it high . If ye break faith with us who dieWe shall not sleep , though poppies growIn Flanders fields . It seemed right to me what with tomorrow being Remembrance Day to use my drawing entitled " Poppies " and also include McCrae 's famous poem IN FLANDERS FIELDS . Although I don 't really like the idea of " taking up the quarrel with the foe " , considering the time in which it was written , I guess there wasn 't much else that could have been done . So , I choose to remember all the many members of the Canadian military who have died in the terrible wars and conflicts of the 20th and 21st centuries as well as all those who loved them and had to suffer the terrible pain of their loss . I pray for them all and hope that the day will soon come when wars will be no more . The drawings I am showing you tonight are all ones you have seen previously , but I haven 't done any recent drawings with a military theme . This first one is called " Afghan Kitty " and the idea came from a news photo of one of our troops on patrol in Afghanistan last year . This next one was also a news photograph . I call my drawing " Goodbye and God Keep You " . Everyone , even the little boy , looks like they are trying to be strong for each other . The wife , especially , seems to have that determined look that says I will not cry no matter what . Following are two photographs from the recent Canadian Living magazine . This first one is of an actual Tim Hortons in Kandahar for the troops there . I am sure it gives the soldiers a good feeling to be able to go out in the early morning for a cup of real Tim Hortons coffee ! I have mPosted by I should have never let myself get involved in searching through the drawer that has poems , " prosems " and diaries from years past . I think it all started because of the night I tried remembering a few fragments of the poem that begins " There 's not a word I 've ever written . . . " . Not being able to remember the whole thing caused me to go searching for it . I still haven 't found it , but , goodness , have I found a lot of other junk ! This first picture is a painting of mine from the 60 's called " California Dreamin ' " It is a scene near Malibu and I am looking out from a shallow cave . The reason I chose this painting is because it shows a sunrise with some reddish clouds . This relates to the poem I came across and wanted to share with you . The poem is untitled and was written in 1994 while visiting my sister , Betty and her husband , B . K . in Florida at American Thanksgiving . Morning , Sunrise , Red sky , " Red sky at morning , sailors take warning . . . " I step outside and look up at the skyhalf night , half morningThe wind blows off the lakesweet and coldRed birds are already up and talking " Coo - E , coo - E " Florida deer stand small and fairy - likeat the edge of the woodsMoon and planets still shine brightly " oh , look , a shooting star ! " I marvel in my ability to feel joy . . . dare I say it ? Yes . . . To rejoice in being alive ! How quickly the moment passesSuddenly I can feel the cold wind blowing through my robeI hurry insideto warmth andthe mundane . This poem has a funny story attached . A few hours later , after jotting it down at the dining room table , my sister , Betty , finally got up . I was standing in the dining room looking out towards the lake . Betty noticed my writing on a piece of paper so she picked it up and begin to read . When she got to the end , she shouted , " mundane " -- " you think you can get away with describing a visit with your big sister as mundane ? ! " At which point she begin to chase me around the dining table while I shouted out " poetic licence , I 've got poetic licence " ! By now we were both laughing and shouting at each other and her husbaSallie Thayer Hands are such incredibly beautiful things - - at all stages of life . I love trying to draw them even though they are without doubt one of the most difficult parts of the human body to capture - - in my opinion . I have always loved to watch the hands of the elderly as they pray the Rosary - - the beads silently slipping through their often twisted fingers . Of course , it dawned on me a few years ago that my hands are looking more and more elderly with their arthritic lumps and bumps and age spots of varying shades and sizes . This realization came as something of a shock for me , but now I think I am getting used to the idea ! Of course , speaking of hands would be incomplete without referring to Rodin and his famous sculpture entitled ( in English ) The Cathedral ( see below ) . Knowing how difficult it is to draw or paint the human hand , I always marvel at his ability to perfectly sculpt it . That said , let me talk a bit about my experience of drawing hands and show some of art work and related photographs . First , I would like to show you the drawing I have been working on for the past week or so . It is still not completely finished , but this seemed a good time to show you what I have accomplished so far - - especially as I wanted to show you the hands I have drawn . This icon is called Our Lady ( or Mother ) of Perpetual Help and has been famous for many centuries - - especially in the western church where the Wednesday novenas are still huge gatherings in many countries . I am drawing this copy as part of a commission . Someone who really likes the style of my work wanted this particular icon , as well as one of Christ called The Pantocrator , as 8 x 10 wall plaques . Anyway , in this icon , the hand of Our Lady being held by the Christ Child is at the heart of the painting . The child has just seen the angels holding the instruments of his crucifixion and death and has run to his Mother 's arms so quickly that one of his sandals is about to fall off . In this next drawing , entitled " A Redemptoristine at Prayer " , you may notice a small icon of Posted by As I have no doubt mentioned before , this is a drawing of a very precious young relative of mine - - he even had the good sense to be born on my birthday which was undoubtedly this nicest birthday gift I ever received ! The drawing is called " Walking Tall " and shows him making a determined effort to master the skill of walking . He has always seemed delightfully comfortable in his own skin and relatively unconcerned about what the world around is thinking of him . Then , today , I received a new photo in which something seems to have changed . I could just be imagining things but he is old enough now so that he is spending more time with other children and we all know how cruel children can be to one another . You see , this sweet boy has a disease which can cause certain kinds of disfigurement , but he has never seemed to pay any attention to the problems associated with it . Neither he nor his parents have ever made any special effort to hide or disguise the problems . That is why the photo I received today was so striking - - it looks as though he has purposely turned his head away from the camera so that only the best side is showing ! See what you think . Maybe I am just trying to make a mountain out of a molehill , but his body language seems very different to me . Let me show you two more photos from the last year or so when he seemed totally unconcerned about such things as how he looked . All this starting me thinking about the messages we receive from our earliest days and how quickly we learn about ourselves and the world around us from those messages . Even though young children often misunderstand the messages they receive because they don 't yet understand themselves in relation to the world around them . And while it is difficult enough to get the correct information taken in and figure it out properly , what if you are a member of a particular minority ? - - Especially a minority that carries many negative characteristics in the minds of the majority ? What then ? I can only imagine what negative messages these Native CanadiaSallie Thayer
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Just two days ago , my dear hard working wife chimed in with a series of thoughtful comments about my novel . It took her a while , partly due to the length of the manuscript and partly due to the fact that she was reading it on a flash drive , which saves printing costs but also makes ingesting a long novel far more laborious . But , regardless , she gave me some very interesting suggestions . Whereas my first reader seemed to think the novel 's first half dramatically held together better than the second half , my wife felt strongly the opposite . ( Maybe that 's good ! Maybe they both hold together ! ) I 've mentioned it on this blog that Yellow is still a rather hefty manuscript , even though I sliced out a third of its original length some months back . My wife 's main suggestion is to look for further cuts in the novel 's first half , especially those chapters that feature other points of view from Vincent or his family . Her reason is pretty straight forward : some of the " owners " of these other points of view are not particularly charitable toward Vincent , and she 's afraid the chapters might bias the reader against him . Besides , she says , it 's his story not theirs . She definitely has a point . So far I 've left some of these chapters in as a way to show the attitudes that Vincent had to overcome . The chapters , in my mind , actually reflect more negatively on these other characters than on Vincent himself . Perhaps that is not adequately coming across . And , of course , there is too the fact that Vincent 's decision to become a painter , the metamorphosis of his self - awareness , if you will , was certainly a gradual process . Part of what he had to overcome was his own misdirected energies , his passionate desire to follow in his father 's ministerial footsteps even though the profession could never have suited him . When you 're not in the right " place , " the place where you 're naturally supposed to be , people pick up on it . That said , my wife gave me - - along with much eloquent and enthusiastic praise ( thanks , sweetie ) - - a lot to think about and prPosted by I realize that sometimes this blog reads a bit too much like a travelogue and other times a bit too much like a book review . I intended to spare you , for a while , any more opinions about recent releases , but I feel the need to blog about a little book of stories that I picked up at the library the other day . It 's called The Suicide Run , an assembly of five fictions by William Styron that were not published in a collection during his lifetime . The five pieces span his career , the first having been written in 1953 , the last in the late 90s . They all relate to , and make use of , the author 's experience of serving in the Marine Corps as a young man . For lovers of Styron 's work and for those curious about the man - - I count myself in both categories - - the collection is at turns exhilerating and sad . Exhilerating for the opportunity to live again within the beauty of Styron 's prose and the forcefulness of his vision ; sad for missed opportunities , for the promise of books never finished and the knowledge of how his still vibrant career was virtually halted by a battle with depression that almost killed him and then later did . The first story in the book , " Blankenship , " is a fine example of the younger Styron : the gothic , gloomy southern stylist still under the pall of Faulkner , Fitzgerald , and Wolfe . It 's a successful if unnecessarily dense story but not what finally makes the collection . The most engaging and fascinating pieces , the heart of the book , are the middle three - - " Marriott , the Marine , " " The Suicide Run , " and " In My Father 's House . " The first two were written in the early 70s , the latter in the mid - 80s , and they bear all the hallmarks of a writer at the height of his power . The prose is clean and rigorous ; the stories are honest , virtually naked ( literally and figuratively ) . While definitely fictions , the stories ' first person narrators are Styron only thinly diguised . In fact , hardly disguised at all . That , in fact , being the point . What is heartbreaking about these three pieces is that they all stem from novelsPosted by Following Erika Dreifus 's recommendation on her excellent blog Practicing Writing , I picked up Kathryn Stockett 's novel The Help recently . You 've probably heard of the novel already . Not only is it a major bestseller - - a literary book that has " broken out " - - but it is already being developed into a major motion picture . I heartily recommend The Help . Although you hear this sort of thing said all the time , I literally " could not put it down . " It explores a flash point issue - - the relationship between black house servants and their white employees - - at a flash point time in our history - - the early 1960s , when civil rights struggles were becoming white hot . These various tensions are expertly explored and manipulated by Stockett . Most impressive is how Stockett manages to capture a variety of white and black voices . I believe every one of her characters . I feel them as individuals not types . My own definition of historical fiction is fiction that is set in a time prior to the author 's birth . For the author , therefore , that time period is not simply remembered and described but a part of history to be evoked through imagination and research . That 's a crucial difference . Stockett did grow up in Jackson , Mississippi - - the setting for her novel - - and did have personal experience with African - American help who worked for white employers ( she recounts her own history in an afterword ) , but given that she was not alive in 1962 - 1964 , I 'll call her novel historical . Besides , given that the 60s were one of the most contentious and important decades America ever lived through , it 's hard not to see any novel set in that time as evoking history . All that said , I must hold Stockett 's feet to the fire for one or two instances of historical inaccuracy . For the most part she does superbly well , mentioning and / or dramatically using the events of 1962 , 1963 , and 1964 in credible and careful fashion . I did notice a big anachronism , however . One of her characters - - in the summer of 1963 - - disparagingly describes a group of Yankee civil rights acJohn Vanderslice I posted Monday about a thought that came to me during a recent visit by novelist Elise Blackwell to UCA . ( That 's her on the right . ) Blackwell said something else worth noting , so I 'll raise the point today . Blackwell suggested that a writer should first do all her research for a novel but then put the research away when she starts to write . I understood her point immediately and have even made it myself in this blog : Writing a historical novel is all about telling a story , not showing off how much you know . Or having to feel burdened by how much you know . Understanding this point is crucial to understanding how good fiction works . But , even so , I felt moved to ask : You didn 't research anything after you started writing Hunger ? Weren 't there new questions that came to mind as you wrote ? Blackwell admitted that , yes , of course , certain questions of fact did come up and when that happened she would briefly revisit her original research or simply Google for an answer . But she stuck to her first point that a writer needs to put the research away . I then threw out something I 'd heard years ago from writer Tracy Chevalier when she " visited " UCA ( via a live feed from a studio in London ) . Chevalier suggested that a writer should write her story first - - to make sure she really remains centered on the story - - and then do whatever research seems necessary for the sake of that story . Blackwell found that a tough one to swallow , and I admit that I do too . After all , aren 't our stories often discovered or significantly shaped by the research ? There 's no way of getting around that they are . I simply can 't imagine having started my Van Gogh novel without doing substantial reading into Van Gogh 's biography , which directly affected what scenes I decided needing showing . And as for putting away the research you 've already completed , I found myself only in half - sympathy . Yes , there is quite a lot of reading and notetaking that I carried out before I started composing Yellow that I never actually looked at while I wrote . Perhaps even tJohn Vanderslice Novelist Elise Blackwell visited my university last week and told some interesting stories about how she found her way to the novels she eventually wrote . What she said reminded me of how serendipitous - - or simply unexpected - - our writing lives can be . Yes , we work and work and work , trying to realize our various projects , trying to get them under control , to make them more polished or perhaps less . Then when we 're done with them we try to find the best possible outlet through which to show them to the world . It 's all on us , it seems . But one can 't ignore the power of the unexpected , the circumstantial , and how profoundly that can affect what we do and how it turns out . After finishing her MFA at Cal - Irvine , Blackwell was living in California with her husband , trying to make ends meet through a series of jobs and also trying to keep writing . In part simply to economize , the couple decided to grow their own produce . What started as a private , low level initiative became more successful , and they started growing produce for profit . Around this time , and as part of their business efforts , Blackwell joined the Seed Savers Exchange . It was through her participation in this organization that she heard a fascinating story about Russian scientists who worked at a botanical institute during World War Two . During the seige of Leningrad , as they - - like most people in that city - - found themselves starving , the scientists refused to eat any of the seeds or rare plants in their possession . They died in order to save the exotic plants and seeds they had worked so hard to collect . Blackwell did not speak Russian nor did she have any particular knowledge of or interest in Russian history . At the time she had never considered writing a historical novel . Yet she knew she needed to tell the story of these scientists . What followed was years of research and writing which resulted in her short novel Hunger , a project her agent thought she was " f * * * * * * crazy " to take up but which he eventually championed and which became her first publisheJohn Vanderslice My train pulled into the station , situated just outside Avignon . I read the sign as we rolled past : Avignon TGV . It was a smaller station than I expected with only two tracks carrying trains - - at least that day - - but clean , bright , and airy . A sun - white , modern looking place , obviously not that old . ( See photo . ) I bought snacks and a Herald Tribune in a gift shop on the lower floor and settled into a seat for my layover wait . There were plenty of seats available , as the station seemed underwhelmed with travelers that day . Funny , I thought to myself . I thought it would be busier in Avignon . Nothing much happened as I watched the minutes pass and a few - - very few - - trains appear on the board . Then a short , vaguely handsome man walked into the station , with a skinny , glamorous woman on his arm , and a small host of reporters and cameramen filming him , studying him , asking him questions . Ah , a celebrity . Passing through ordinary old Avignon . I watched these goings on with mild amusement , and the perspective that comes from not knowing in the slightest what made this particular man so important . Eventually , the man and his entourage left . ( Coincidentally , a week or so later , as I flipped tv channels one evening , I saw him acting in a French police drama . ) More time passed ; I read , I relaxed , and I started to wonder when my train to Arles would appear on the board . Unlike Paris , they listed track assignments long in advance of a train 's arrival or departure . Also disconcerting , the only trains I ever saw listed on the board were TGV trains , or buses . Then , with only 35 minutes or so before I was supposed to leave , feeling more and more uneasy , I started walking the station and ran into a posted map of the Avignon area . Glancing at it , I saw something that answered every building suspicion . Another train station : Avignon Centre . Of course . How could I have been so stupid ? No wonder Rail Europe didn 't recommend this route . One had to get from Avignon TGV to Avignon Centre . I ran back to my bags , found my tickets to make sure IPosted by So I wandered into the Gare de Lyon , happy to see that there was over an hour before my train left . It wasn 't on the board yet , but I didn 't expect it to be . All the extant seats were taken , so I meandered for a bit ; then , sick of being overburdened with the bags , I just stopped and leaned against a pole for a while . Finally , a little spooked after the earlier mishaps , I decided to show my tickets to the woman at the information booth . Were these okay ? See , reader , I 'd bought them over here , weeks before I left , from an outfit called Rail Europe . Everything written on the ticket was in English and the price was in dollars not euros . I didn 't want anyone to tell me the tickets were no good , not valid , just as I tried to step on the train and when it was too late to catch another one . I needed to get to Arles before 5 : 00 in order to pick up a rental car I reserved . And the rental car agency wasn 't even in the train station . ( A whole other story that . ) So I actually needed to get to Arles well before 5 : 00 to get a cab to the rental car place before they closed . From previous trips abroad I knew that if a business says it is closing at 5 : 00 , it is closing at 5 : 00 , if not sooner . And if I didn 't get my rental car , things were hairy , because I had no other way to travel the six miles to my rental house , to say nothing of carrying the groceries I hoped to buy on the way . In short , I had to catch the train I was booked on out of Paris . I 'd already encountered difficulties when I tried to get the tickets through Rail Europe . When I simply requested a reservation for Paris to Arles , the system showed me the route : TGV ( high speed ) train from Paris to Lyon , regular train from Lyon to Arles . Except that on the day I needed to leave Paris there were no seats available on a morning train to Lyon . It turned out that the day I was travelling was among the busiest travel days in the whole year in France , as it came at the end of a long holiday weekend ( to celebrate the anniversary of the end of WW II ) . The first available seat was Posted by When I traveled to France last summer to do research for my book , everything went so smoothly for the first few days I should have been suspicious . No missed connections , no wrong trains boarded , no delays , no complications with my hotel room . By the time I was ready to leave Paris for Arles - - two days after arriving in country - - I felt like a veteran . It was a cloudy , dripping day in the city , but I had no reason to expect any problems . I had my tickets and thought I knew where I was going . I wasn 't even in a hurry as I had ( wisely it turned out ) scheduled myself on a late morning train , leaving out of Gare de Lyon . I enjoyed a relaxed final breakfast at the hotel , checked out , and set off with all my overstuffed bags ( mammoth suitcase choo - chooing along the sidewalk , backpack jammed with books and other resources for research sagging against my shoulders , loaded laptop bag strung over one shoulder on top of the backpack strap ) for the RER - - a train system that runs side by side with the Paris Metro but finally goes to different destinations . I had studied the RER and Metro maps thoroughly before I even arrived in France and knew that if I got on the RER at Notre Dame it should be a short , uncomplicated ride to the Gare de Lyon , although I would have to switch lines once , dragging all my stuff around . I actually probably could have walked all the way to the Gare de Lyon , but why do that , I figured , when I knew the RER . Hah ! I reached the Notre Dame stop easily enough but entered from the end opposite of where I had come out two days earlier . No big deal , I 'd just walk down to the other end through the tunnel . This proved impossible . There was no tunnel , and only one RER track I could get on . Scrutinizing the sign , it looked like the wrong RER train . But I told the guy at the ticket counter where I needed to go and he directed me to that track . Or at least I thought he did . Someone misunderstood someone somehow , because after riding only a stop or two on that train , I realized I was going the wrong way . Mild panic . IPosted by Olive Hilliard , a dear friend and UCA colleague died last week from the complications of a stroke . This was an utter shock to anyone who taught in Thompson Hall , where the Department of Speech and the Department of Writing are housed . Without exaggeration , Olive was the most beloved person who does or has ever worked in that building . Everything about her shined : her intelligence , her warmth , her sense of style , her concern for students , her love for her children . Her family , of course , is most affected , most devastated by this loss . But there are other losses as well . My wife tells me that Olive was working on a novel when she died . This hurt my heart to hear , because if the novel had turned out like everything else Olive did , it would have been a superb and stylish piece of work . Radiantly beautiful . Now we 'll never know . Thinking about this makes me realize again how a writing career is not merely a matter of educating yourself , training yourself , and working godawful hard to meet artistic challenges . It also means keeping on . It also means endurance . I shudder to think of how many great books we have lost over the years to premature death , whether those come from car accidents , substance abuse , unrealized or untreated heart conditions , or - - in those most regretful cases - - suicide . ( It was not that long ago , remember , that we lost David Foster Wallace . ) And why stop at books ? Think of great music lost . Think of great paintings . The man who is subject of my novel died at 37 , and before he had to . So I hope everyone out there dreams hard . But take care of yourself too . Please take of yourself . We 'll miss you , Olive . And that novel in you . I tried out part of the novel yesterday on a captive and public audience . My department hosts an annual writers festival featuring writers from around campus and around the state . With purposeful cuteness , we call the festival ArkaText . Anyway , at the faculty reading today I read in public from Yellow for the second time . ( The first time , you may recall from a previous blog , was last October at the annual meeting of the Arkansas Philological Association . ) It was the first time many at UCA had ever heard the book . We were under a strict time limit ( 10 minutes ) and trying to find just the right part that will go over well in public is always tricky . I practiced reading ( parts of ) four different scenes : One in which , as boys , Vincent and Theo explore a graveyard and see a bird 's first flight ; the second , a scene in which Vincent 's roommate in Dordrecht comes back from a night out to find Vincent fanatically scribbling bible verses ; the third , a scene where , after moving to Den Haag , Vincent is visited in the hospital ( he 's caught the clap ) by his father ; and fourth , a completely invented scenario in which Vincent , so desperately poor in Den Haag , decides to look for a job and finds himself dealing art again . ( One of my few blatant and conscious violations of historical fact in the novel . ) I decided to read this last scene , because of the four it contained the most dialogue - - always a crowd pleaser . Even so , I kept questioning whether or not I made the right choice . Reading a crowd while you read aloud is dicey if also perfectly possible . But thankfully I sensed them warming to the scene , especially toward the end , when I " heard " a more concentrated listening , more weight to their attention . Afterwards , I received some very heartening comments . My friend and colleague Terry Wright - - a remarkable poet and digital artist - - opined that I had a winner with this novel . Let 's hope so . Let 's hope so . At the end of the scene , Vincent returns home disgusted with himself for dealing art again ( even though he succeeds ) , argues witJohn Vanderslice About a year ago , while driving to work , I heard an NPR interview with Arch Campbell , longtime movie critic for a television station in Washington , DC . Having grown up in that area , and lived there as late as 1993 , I remembered Campbell and his entertaining , just - another - guy - in - the - seats approach . So I listened with interest . At one point , the interviewer asked , " What do you think makes a movie great ? " Campbell 's answer to this almost uselessly gigantic question was surprisingly specific . He said that thinking over what he regarded as the best movies of the last century , one quality they seemed to share was that they were set in the same era in which they were made . They confronted , questioned , revealed , and detailed the moviemakers ' own time . The answer gave me pause . I 'd never heard anyone say this before . So you can 't make a great historical movie ? And because I was deep into my Van Gogh novel project , I immediately extended Campbell 's statement to books as well . Now , making a movie certainly is not the same thing as writing a book - - and Campbell was answering a question specifically about movies - - but there has been enough give and take between the two media over the decades that my extrapolation seemed a natural reaction . So you can 't make a great historical novel ? Or , stated more precisely , a historical novel can 't rank among the greatest ? Boxing back , I started mentally listing all the classic historical novels I could think of . What about The Scarlet Letter , that fixture in high school and college literature surveys and arguably the first great novel our country produced ? I thought of modern authors and the historical novels they 've written . Bernard Malamud 's The Fixer . E . L . Doctorow 's Ragtime . Madison Smartt Bell 's Haitian triology . Susan Vreeland 's Girl in Hyacinth Blue . These books are ranked among the best their authors ever produced . And if I heard Campbell today I could throw in Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel , which only won the Man - Booker Prize last year . I don 't know if Campbell expanded on or explained Posted by I 've transplanted from the Middle Atlantic states , where I grew up and which I still love , to the south . I spent four years in Louisiana earning my doctorate and have begun my twelfth year in Arkansas . I 'm a college teacher , maybe a cliched profession for a writer , but it suits me . I get to think and talk about what I care about most . I 've published over forty short stories in my career , but in recent years I 've been working hard on novels . One , called Burnt Norway , I 've published on Lulu . com . Another is the Van Gogh novel about which I 'm blogging . Last fall ( 2009 ) I enjoyed a sabbatical in which I made great progress on the book . But I 'm hardly out of the woods yet , and a new semester of full - time teaching duties is upon me . Even so , I enjoy the academic life ; I enjoy my hometown ; and I love my family . But maybe there 's no finer pleasure than writing fiction . Please feel free to contact me about anything . My email : johnv @ uca . edu
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The weekend before Thanksgiving , we had dinner with three other families we are friends with , all of whom live in Maryland . Two of us are homeschooling the kids , and two of us send the kids to a Catholic classical school . Needless to say , our children have all been made to memorize poetry . So it was the most heartwarming and encouraging moment for me when , after we had finished eating , the children voluntarily took turns going up to recite poems for the whole group ! At one point , there was even a little scuffle as several of them began shoving each other , wanting to have the stage . With the exception of that little episode , though , the whole experience so completely fit my ideal of the type of education I 'm trying to give my kids . A wonderful time . While driving from Maryland to the Philly area to stay with the in - laws , we stopped at a tiny middle - of - nowhere diner that was a total throwback to the 50s . They still had a functioning jukebox that played 45rpm records for a nickel a song ! The kids were fascinated by it , and loved watching the automatic arm put down the record and start to play . My quilting group meets on Monday nights , which is trash night around here . Several times on my way home , I have pulled over to save some treasure from someone 's trash . One of my recent finds was this cute little children 's rocking chair . The wood wasn 't in the best shape , so I didn 't want to spend time refinishing it with stain . Here it is primed and ready for painting . Stay tuned for a future post to see what color it became ! I 'm very slowly starting the decorating process around here , trying to keep the spirit of Advent , and not go " full Christmas " too soon . I pulled out some of my special paper snowflakes I made in college , and hung them up around the bottom floor . The kids thought they were so neat , and wanted to make some of their own . It turns out that Sly is currently the only one with enough hand strength and control to cut through all the layers of paper . . . . which means the younger two were alternately crying in frustration / whining at me for help , and . . . . it just wasn 't that fun for anyone . Maybe in a few years we will try again ! As part of our Charlotte Mason homeschooling approach this year , I 've scheduled in some regular nature walks with the kids . It 's just every - other - Friday right now , alternating with our homeschool co - op 's meetings . So far - with the exception of one ill - fated trip through some uncharted and very hilly woods the day after a huge rainstorm wherein all my kids became truly convinced that we were utterly and irrevokably lost and all four of them began bawling in terror - it 's been quite lovely . After the aforementioned incident , I 've learned to keep it small , and keep it simple . So far , I 've picked little patches of forest that I 'm already familiar with near our home . I live in Pennsylvania , afterall , so * all * the nature is forest . And it 's quite hilly around here , which means most of these forests also have a creek running through the bottom , which is awesome for exploration . Each of the kids carries a backpack containing a nature journal , a pencil , a water bottle , and one piece of fruit to snack on . I usually sneak a few tree or bird identification guides into the big kids ' backpacks as well . I wear the baby in the Ergo , outfit myself in what my husband calls my " combat boots , " and off we go . We just take a leisurely stroll down the paths we find , and I encourage the kids to notice certain little things I might see or hear . But for the most part , they are much more observant than me . It must come from being so close to the ground ! On even the most seemingly ordinary stretch of path , the kids can find plenty of things to keep them interested - spiky seed pods from a sweetgum tree , a decaying log , some ever - pervasive shelf fungus . . . It takes a little while for me to get in the " mood " of the nature walk , so to speak . But after twenty minutes or so in the woods , I feel myself starting to calm down . To breathe more easily , and loosen upand just let go of my tensions . It 's truly rejuvenating for my soul , and I find myself longing suddenly to move out of the city and live a simple quiet life surrounded by the outdoors . I 've found it best to keep the length of the walk pretty quick . Maybe forty - five minutes total . That 's short enough that the kids aren 't too tired , and their curiosity hasn 't been burned up . At some point aferwards - though not always the same day , as I 'd prefer - I have the kids draw a picture of something we saw in their nature journals , and then they dictate a little description that I write for them . For all my talk of wanting my kids to approach science firstly through a love of nature and by using personal observations of the world , I know never would have built in the time for this in our schedule had I not been trying to give Charlotte Mason 's education approach a fair trial . It seems like such a simple thing - a short walk in the woods every now and then . But I 've been so amazed at the things the kids have noticed and learned , and the spark it has ignited in their minds . A blessed Advent to all ! This is one of my favorite times of year , and I 'm so glad it has come around again . We just got back to town after a long Thanksgiving trip , so I haven 't yet dug out the Advent wreath or Jesse Tree , or all the other great little treasures packed away in my Advent box . But I did pull out my huge stack of children 's picture books for the season . I know some families like to wrap all their Christmas books in wrapping paper , and have the kids pick one to read each day of Advent . Sounds like a nice way to space them out and build up anticipation and all that , but . . . . " Aint 's nobody got time for that " ( as they say ) around here . Instead , they 'll just sit in a stack in the basement and the kids will be able to choose what to read each day . I counted up our books , and we have over forty ! Yikes . Too many books for just one per day , so I 'll be letting each kid take a turn to pick two books to read each day until we run out . I 've been doing some thinking about how our family should observe the Church 's feast days . It seems like a lot of the Catholic moms on the internet these days observe so many of the days in the Liturgical calendar with a special craft or fun treat for the kids . You can find online for observing ideas for even the most obscure of holydays . For awhile , I felt like I needed to do that too . I think it 's great that there is a renewed interest in the observation of the Church year . Based on the publication dates of some of the " classic " books on this topic ( Maria Von Trapp 's . Mary Reed Newland 's , Fr . F . X . Weiser 's ) , I suspect there was a similar cultural movement like this back in the 50s . This year 's chocolate chip Rosaries on the feast of O . L . of the Rosary . We don 't let them eat the chips while we actually pray the Rosary , because that seems irreverent . Tom keeps asking what 's the point of having them do this . I guess . . . because it 's fun ? [ buzz cuts on the boys are thanks to the * lice * infestation we battled earlier this Fall ] The truth is , I was not personally handed on any family or cultural traditions for celebrating most of the the days in the Church calendar ( the only exceptions are Christmas and Easter ) . I 'm not opposed to us forming our own family traditions or trying to recreate older ones which have largely fallen out of use for certain holydays . But I think this needs to happen both gradually and somewhat organically . I think we should concentrate on observing the feasts that are most important for the Church , then adding in a few that are important and for our family in particular . And anyways , the best and most traditional way to celebrate the feasts is to attend Mass on that day , and pray the special prayers that the Church has chosen ( as well as participating in the prayers of the Divine Office ) . Conclusion : attending Mass with your family to celebrate the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe is better than eating tacos on that day just because she appeared in Mexico . Or , baking a cake for the feast of St . Linus ( a rather obscure Saint ) because you have a son named for him is better than saying , " oh , tomorrow is the feast of St . Benedict ! " ( who you admittedly don 't much much about , and have never had a personal devotion to ) and scrambling to find an excerpt about him to read the kids from one of their Saint books , and researching the various traditional ways different countries / monasteries have celebrated the day , and trying to throw a special dish together at the last minute with food items you already have in your pantry . You know what I mean ? ( though let me be clear - eating tacos as a way to observe a feast is not bad ) At Mass yesterday , the first day of Advent , the priest said some things in his homily that struck me . Firstly , he was talking about our daily family prayers , and how we needed to ramp them up during Advent . He mentioned a daily Rosary , referring to it as " the basics " , that it was what we should all already be doing . How many Catholic families are making the time and effort to fit in a Rosary every single day ? Are you ? How can you make it happen this Advent ? Father also talked about the penitential nature of Advent , and how we should consider a way to make it more penitential in our homes . It got me to thinking about how rarely I offer any personal penances , or observe any fasts . With the exception of the bare minimum required by the Church - fasting on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday , and abstaining from meat every Friday - I don 't have a good habit of offering sacrifices . ( if you are Catholic , and are not consistently abstaining every Friday of the year , please be aware that this is required . If you live in the US , you have permission to substitue a personal penance instead of abstaining from meat . We prefer to follow the traditional course . I have heard it argued that there is greater virtue in performing a penance not chosen by yourself , one that is accepted from above out of obedience ) All this started me thinking of the Liturgical year again , and how there used to be so many more days on which fasting / abstinence were required - more stringent fasting rules for Lent , the Ember days , fasting on the eve of many major feast days , and so on . We are not required to observe many of these fasts anymore , just as we are not required to observe most of the feast days on the calendar . But if I want to try to revive the celebration of some of our favorite feasts in our home - Assumption , Our Lady of the Rosary , Epiphany , etc . - then I feel we should really be taking on more of the penitential days as well . It just suddenly feels wrong to enjoy celebrating all the feasts without also sacrificing during the fasts . This project took us ages and ages to complete . We began in May of 2015 , when this was just " Stella 's room . " Flora didn 't even exist yet , and it would be awhile more before we knew she was a girl and would be moving in with her big sister eventually . So then it began to be called " the Girls ' room , " and as there were now two people sleeping elsewhere in the house and waiting for their room to be ready , I was feeling more and more stressed about its lack of completion . But it 's finally done , thank goodness , and we did it all by ourselves , and I 'm very satisfied with the outcome . The finish on the trim and doors was in rough shape . The shellac varnish had darkened so much over time that it was almost black . It had a lot of crazing and drips , and whoever had last painted the room had splattered drips of paint all over the baseboards which had then been absorbed in by the old shellac . Tom spent countless hours of his life removing the shellac with alcohol and rags . Honestly , it would have been easier to just replace the trim completely , or perhaps to sand it instead . But he wanted to preserve the original features as much as possible . " before " on the left , " after " shellac removal on the right While Tom was working on trim , I kept myself busy refinishing a lot of furniture . We bought two similar dressers on Craigslist . Tom sanded them down and cut off the silly country - style decorative elements from the bottoms . I then painted the " bottoms " , and stained and poly 'd the tops . I painted a lovely ornate ( plastic ! ) mirror I picked up at a flea market and have had sitting around for a few years . I also acquired ( on Craigslist , of course ) a nightstand which I repainted and put new drawer pulls on , and a bedframe for Stella which I repainted . And we 're super bad about remembering to take " before " photos of anything , sooo . . . . . you 'll just have to trust me that what we did made a huge improvement ! We ripped up the carpet to find some nice hardwood underneath . As you can see , it needed to be refinished . We decided to do it ourselves - so we rented the huge sander with all the sanding disks , bought the fancy floor polyurethane and applicators , and spent a couple weeks working on that at night after the kids were in bed . My verdict on DIY floor refinishing : a lot more expensive than I expected , and WAY more work than I wanted to do . I definitely want to hire a professional to do it if we ever refinish another room ( the trick will be convincing Tom to agree ! ) . For years , I 've been wanting to get a nice little Mass set for the kids . I have long had dreams of my boys , in particular , playing priest , and asking me to sew them some sweet child - sized vestments like Pope Benedict did . So far , neither of the boys have shown much interest or inclination , to be honest . But maybe if Tom shows them how all the vessels are used and what everything means , they 'll get a little excited about it ? For a long time , I had my eye on the gorgeous set at My Father 's House ( it says it 's not available for sale now , but you can still see the photos . ) I can 't recall the exact price , but I know it was way out of the budget . Maybe $ 160 ? I had to give up on it , because it was just sooooo much money for something I wasn 't even sure my kids were going to use . I decided instead to activate my thrift - shopping superpowers , and start the long slow hunt for items that would work in a kids ' Mass set . I wanted the bare minimum needed for a Traditional Low Mass . So I wasn 't holding out for the incense implements , etc . which would be required for a High Mass . I 've been keeping an eye out for items for about two years now . The one item - though not a strictly necessary one , I believe - that 's been holding me up for the past year from finally completing the set ( by my estimation ) was a ciborium ( a vessal which holds the Eucharist ) . I needed something metal , roughly cup - shaped , with a lid . Not many non - liturgical items look like that ! Finally , at Goodwill last night , I FOUND one . It 's some Paul Revere reproduction piece , according to the etching in the bottom . I was thrilled , Tom and I high - fived in the aisle , and there was much rejoicing ! We have : a crucifix , two candlesticks , a chalice , a ciborium , a paten , two cruets , a bell , and also a shell - shaped dish in case the kids want to play " baptism " - haha . The one part I still don 't have are all the necessary altar linens . Never having served at the altar myself ( a fact I am now , in retrospect , very happy about ) , I have never actually seen any of those linens up close , . All I 've seen are my little line drawings in my missal . So I 'm going to have to get some clear descriptions from Tom , and then I can start trying to acquire what I 'll need . I 'm sure a lot of them can be made from re - purposed thrift store finds as well , and any that can 't be , I will sew . I haven 't paid a visit to my blog in quite a while . My best excuse for it is because we 've started up our homeschooling year , and I 've found myself with much less time . " back to school " 2016 Sly is in " first grade " this year , so I wanted to get a bit more serious about his schooling . After spending the early summer in an excited frenzy of reading and listening to anything I could get my hands on about Charlotte Mason , I decided to give her approach a whirl this year . We 're almost perfectly following Mater Amabilis , which is a free Catholic Charlotte Mason curriculm . Somehow , I had gotten it into my head that a CM approach was pretty light and fluffy , and not as rigorous an education as I was looking for . But how wrong I was ! Many of the books we 're reading are ones which I would have thought too advanced for my kids ' ages , but I 've been pleasantly surprised by how much they are picking up and understanding . Last year , I pieced together my own curriculum , and as the year went on , I just kind of dropped things here and there as I was developing the classic " homeschool burnout . " Since I had no one to answer to but myself , I had no trouble just ditching parts that took too much out of me . I think ( hope ) this year will be a little different . Because I 'm following a plan put together by someone else , I feel more obligation to stick to it ( though I think I may drop some of the geography lessons . . . because that part feels really thrown together to me ) . Sticking with this curriculum also forces me to incorporate some subjects which , while worthwhile , I may not have made time for otherwise - things like artist study , poetry memorization , or nature walks . Our actual school time is close to two hours per day . That gets stretched out , though , because I try to shoo the kids outside for short breaks in between some of our lessons . The past few days , Sly has been insisting that he keep working right through with no breaks at all . He says he prefers to save up all his playtime for one solid chunk at the end . But I 've noticed that his focus has been really slipping . His brain needs to take those little breaks . So I 'm going to start insisting on it , even if I have to push him out the door whining and crying . I set things up so that we only do our normal lessons Monday through Thursday . Fridays alternate between going to our homeschool co - op , or taking a nature walk . And we 've already fit in a couple additional " field trip " days to a special Divine Liturgy at an Eastern church , and a visit to a fort from the French and Indian War . Stella is only four , so I 'm mostly just casually trying to get her to learn her letters and the sounds they make . Linus is almost two - and - a - half , which I have found to be the magical age for potty training . So when the big kids started school , Linus began " potty school . " I 'm just taking a very slow and gradual approach to it . Having him sit on his potty a few times a day , and seeing if anything happens . And reading our all - time favorite book for potty training , Ian 's New Potty . And Flora is six months old , so she mostly fusses during school time until she 's ready for her morning nap , and then Mommy rushes to try to finish up the rest of the school lessons so that maybe she 'll have a tiny bit of time left to fit in some baby - free chores before naptime ends . It 's been an adjustment for us all . It 's been hard on the kids to realize that they can no longer play with their good across - the - street friend during the mornings , and that Mommy is likely going to turn down most offers for morning playdates and outings because she really needs to get serious and make sure " school " happens most days . And it 's been tough on me to have to give those things up as well . We 're just not morning people in this family . We can 't get up early enough to get lessons out of the way and still have time to go anywhere in the morning . So hanging out with friends , trips to the supermarket and other errands have to get pushed to other time slots . It 's kind of like I 've taken on a part - time job in addition to my already full - time job of mothering and housekeeping . I need to remind myself constantly to be responsible and just get it done , and not be tempted by every possible excuse to push lessons aside until the next day . I figure , if the kids were in public school , they 'd have to show up every day , and they 'd stay there until mid - afternoon . At least we have more flexibility and free time than that ! A few days ago , the kids and I really needed to get out of the house , so I took them to the local Game Preserve . There 's a pond with ducks and geese , a couple caged peacocks , and a bunch of buffalo in a fenced pasture . I ' ts not as exciting as the zoo , but it 's free , and it 's a nice way to kill a little time on a summer day . We had brought a bag of stale bread to feed the ducks , as one does . As soon as we stepped out of the van , the Canada geese spotted us with our bag of bread , and they came swarming . First four , then eight , then sixteen . . . . they were just multiplying every second , waddling over and surrounding us . I doled out a piece of bread to each kid . But the geese got greedy , and when Stella and Linus weren 't able to break off pieces quickly enough ( or hold their bread up high enough ) , they both started to get bitten ! Geese are mean creatures . Poor Linus started crying , and clinging to me for dear life ! Then Stella followed suit It was such a chaotic scene , I couldn 't help laughing . And then we tried to get away , and all the geese were chasing behind , while Linus cried and cried . I know it makes me a terrible mother , but it was definitely the funniest thing I 've seen all month : - ) Speaking of being a mean mom , I 've started to make my kids clean their rooms completely every day after " nap time " ! ( I always put nap time in quotation marks , because no one ever actually sleeps . And I don 't even have the energy to enforce a true " quiet time " since they are on the third floor and I 'm just not going to drag myself up there every five minutes to make them be quiet . ) Ever since the never - ending renovations started on Stella 's room over a year ago , we 've had the three biggest kids all sleeping up on the third floor together . I send them up there for a couple hours every afternoon , because . . . . well , I need it for my sanity ! Needless to say , the rooms become a huge wreck every day . I was wearing myself out trying to tidy every few days , and keep the third floor rooms somewhat presentable . But I 've decided that if the kids can make the mess , then they 're ready to learn how to clean it up as well ! Ten minutes before the end of naptime , I tell them it 's time to start cleaning . They let me know when they 're ready for a room inspection , and then I go up to take a look . I 'm pretty ruthless - I think it 's the best way to be , so they learn to do a good job . They can 't have even a little scrap of paper left on the floor , or a single sock under the bed . When they 're a little bigger and more capable , I 'll start having them make the beds as well . The first week of room cleaning was slow going . They didn 't know the most efficient ways to tidy up , and kept calling me up to check when there were still a bunch of little things scattered around . But they 're getting quicker and better now . It 's become expected , so there 's no complaining about it . They just get it done . Yes , I feel like I 'm slowly figuring out some tricks in this parenting business . . . For example , today at Aldi , I decided to try taking two shopping carts instead of one . I pushed the cart with Linus and Flora . Those two usually ride together in the cart , so I 'm forced to pack all my groceries around Flora 's bulky car seat . But today , my big almost - six - year - old Sly pushed the other cart containing Stella and all the groceries . It worked out so well . Three of the kids were strapped in , and the other one was busy with an important job . So there was none of the usual monkey - ing around or reminders from me to stay with the cart , stop hiding behind boxes , etc . It was all business - and so much more efficient than usual ! I truly enjoy listening to children 's music . Probably more than my kids do . Pretty much all of the kids ' music I consider " good " is actually folk music , which might explain why I love it so much . That said , I almost universally dislike when children themselves are singing the songs . The little voices just tend to sound so whiny ! I prefer an adult singer with some simple but well - performed accompaniment . This is the woman I grew up listening to ! I have mega nostalgia when it comes to her albums , and still know every song by heart . They were originally released by Klutz . Each album historically came with a lyric book so kids can follow along ( we had the cassette tapes growing up ) . I 'm not sure if the newest version of the cds comes with these , but I 'd bet you can find them on eBay . She has a great voice , and it 's easy to sing along . I never heard of Raffi as a child . How is that even possible ? I feel like everyone else my age grew up with his music . Now I know I was really missing out ! We now have a ton of his albums , and I love them all . He 's quite a prolific artist ! Here are all the ones I can definitely recommend : She 's a newer artist than the others I 've mentioned . I first heard her lovely voice at a friends ' house , when she put on an album for her children . Elizabeth sings a lot of modern renditions of traditional folk songs . Her stuff is probably the easiest to find at your local library . A sister and brother duo ( their half - brother is Pete Seeger ) . I only have one of their albums ( so far ! ) , but I 've been loving it . On this , they are singing the entire collection of folk songs their mother Ruth published in one of her several song books ( see it here ) . I really like the idea of this program , intended to teach music and rhythm ( and a bit of the Faith ) to young children . The song selections are pretty good , though I 'll say that the singers ' voices / singing style is sometimes not my favorite . But it 's a great intro to some simple , fun songs for kids . I 've heard my children singing songs off these albums more than any of the other ones , even though I 've played them less times . I am a Catholic wife and mother who enjoys second - hand shopping , touring old houses and historical buildings , reading , and attempting various " domestic arts . " . I live in Pittsburgh and attend the Traditional Latin Mass . I used to be a high school biology teacher , but now I stay home full time . I wear skirts exclusively . I 'm just starting out what I hope will be a successful journey in homeschooling my kids . I 'm trying to learn how to be a good wife , good homemaker , good mother , and good Catholic woman . This blog will document my successes / failures . Why the Mass in Latin ? " Because words mean things . And because the Mass is about timeless , universal verities , it makes sense to use words which are universal and unchanging with time . Hence , Latin . "
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The weekend before Thanksgiving , we had dinner with three other families we are friends with , all of whom live in Maryland . Two of us are homeschooling the kids , and two of us send the kids to a Catholic classical school . Needless to say , our children have all been made to memorize poetry . So it was the most heartwarming and encouraging moment for me when , after we had finished eating , the children voluntarily took turns going up to recite poems for the whole group ! At one point , there was even a little scuffle as several of them began shoving each other , wanting to have the stage . With the exception of that little episode , though , the whole experience so completely fit my ideal of the type of education I 'm trying to give my kids . A wonderful time . While driving from Maryland to the Philly area to stay with the in - laws , we stopped at a tiny middle - of - nowhere diner that was a total throwback to the 50s . They still had a functioning jukebox that played 45rpm records for a nickel a song ! The kids were fascinated by it , and loved watching the automatic arm put down the record and start to play . My quilting group meets on Monday nights , which is trash night around here . Several times on my way home , I have pulled over to save some treasure from someone 's trash . One of my recent finds was this cute little children 's rocking chair . The wood wasn 't in the best shape , so I didn 't want to spend time refinishing it with stain . Here it is primed and ready for painting . Stay tuned for a future post to see what color it became ! I 'm very slowly starting the decorating process around here , trying to keep the spirit of Advent , and not go " full Christmas " too soon . I pulled out some of my special paper snowflakes I made in college , and hung them up around the bottom floor . The kids thought they were so neat , and wanted to make some of their own . It turns out that Sly is currently the only one with enough hand strength and control to cut through all the layers of paper . . . . which means the younger two were alternately crying in frustration / whining at me for help , and . . . . it just wasn 't that fun for anyone . Maybe in a few years we will try again ! As part of our Charlotte Mason homeschooling approach this year , I 've scheduled in some regular nature walks with the kids . It 's just every - other - Friday right now , alternating with our homeschool co - op 's meetings . So far - with the exception of one ill - fated trip through some uncharted and very hilly woods the day after a huge rainstorm wherein all my kids became truly convinced that we were utterly and irrevokably lost and all four of them began bawling in terror - it 's been quite lovely . After the aforementioned incident , I 've learned to keep it small , and keep it simple . So far , I 've picked little patches of forest that I 'm already familiar with near our home . I live in Pennsylvania , afterall , so * all * the nature is forest . And it 's quite hilly around here , which means most of these forests also have a creek running through the bottom , which is awesome for exploration . Each of the kids carries a backpack containing a nature journal , a pencil , a water bottle , and one piece of fruit to snack on . I usually sneak a few tree or bird identification guides into the big kids ' backpacks as well . I wear the baby in the Ergo , outfit myself in what my husband calls my " combat boots , " and off we go . We just take a leisurely stroll down the paths we find , and I encourage the kids to notice certain little things I might see or hear . But for the most part , they are much more observant than me . It must come from being so close to the ground ! On even the most seemingly ordinary stretch of path , the kids can find plenty of things to keep them interested - spiky seed pods from a sweetgum tree , a decaying log , some ever - pervasive shelf fungus . . . It takes a little while for me to get in the " mood " of the nature walk , so to speak . But after twenty minutes or so in the woods , I feel myself starting to calm down . To breathe more easily , and loosen upand just let go of my tensions . It 's truly rejuvenating for my soul , and I find myself longing suddenly to move out of the city and live a simple quiet life surrounded by the outdoors . I 've found it best to keep the length of the walk pretty quick . Maybe forty - five minutes total . That 's short enough that the kids aren 't too tired , and their curiosity hasn 't been burned up . At some point aferwards - though not always the same day , as I 'd prefer - I have the kids draw a picture of something we saw in their nature journals , and then they dictate a little description that I write for them . For all my talk of wanting my kids to approach science firstly through a love of nature and by using personal observations of the world , I know never would have built in the time for this in our schedule had I not been trying to give Charlotte Mason 's education approach a fair trial . It seems like such a simple thing - a short walk in the woods every now and then . But I 've been so amazed at the things the kids have noticed and learned , and the spark it has ignited in their minds . A blessed Advent to all ! This is one of my favorite times of year , and I 'm so glad it has come around again . We just got back to town after a long Thanksgiving trip , so I haven 't yet dug out the Advent wreath or Jesse Tree , or all the other great little treasures packed away in my Advent box . But I did pull out my huge stack of children 's picture books for the season . I know some families like to wrap all their Christmas books in wrapping paper , and have the kids pick one to read each day of Advent . Sounds like a nice way to space them out and build up anticipation and all that , but . . . . " Aint 's nobody got time for that " ( as they say ) around here . Instead , they 'll just sit in a stack in the basement and the kids will be able to choose what to read each day . I counted up our books , and we have over forty ! Yikes . Too many books for just one per day , so I 'll be letting each kid take a turn to pick two books to read each day until we run out . I 've been doing some thinking about how our family should observe the Church 's feast days . It seems like a lot of the Catholic moms on the internet these days observe so many of the days in the Liturgical calendar with a special craft or fun treat for the kids . You can find online for observing ideas for even the most obscure of holydays . For awhile , I felt like I needed to do that too . I think it 's great that there is a renewed interest in the observation of the Church year . Based on the publication dates of some of the " classic " books on this topic ( Maria Von Trapp 's . Mary Reed Newland 's , Fr . F . X . Weiser 's ) , I suspect there was a similar cultural movement like this back in the 50s . This year 's chocolate chip Rosaries on the feast of O . L . of the Rosary . We don 't let them eat the chips while we actually pray the Rosary , because that seems irreverent . Tom keeps asking what 's the point of having them do this . I guess . . . because it 's fun ? [ buzz cuts on the boys are thanks to the * lice * infestation we battled earlier this Fall ] The truth is , I was not personally handed on any family or cultural traditions for celebrating most of the the days in the Church calendar ( the only exceptions are Christmas and Easter ) . I 'm not opposed to us forming our own family traditions or trying to recreate older ones which have largely fallen out of use for certain holydays . But I think this needs to happen both gradually and somewhat organically . I think we should concentrate on observing the feasts that are most important for the Church , then adding in a few that are important and for our family in particular . And anyways , the best and most traditional way to celebrate the feasts is to attend Mass on that day , and pray the special prayers that the Church has chosen ( as well as participating in the prayers of the Divine Office ) . Conclusion : attending Mass with your family to celebrate the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe is better than eating tacos on that day just because she appeared in Mexico . Or , baking a cake for the feast of St . Linus ( a rather obscure Saint ) because you have a son named for him is better than saying , " oh , tomorrow is the feast of St . Benedict ! " ( who you admittedly don 't much much about , and have never had a personal devotion to ) and scrambling to find an excerpt about him to read the kids from one of their Saint books , and researching the various traditional ways different countries / monasteries have celebrated the day , and trying to throw a special dish together at the last minute with food items you already have in your pantry . You know what I mean ? ( though let me be clear - eating tacos as a way to observe a feast is not bad ) At Mass yesterday , the first day of Advent , the priest said some things in his homily that struck me . Firstly , he was talking about our daily family prayers , and how we needed to ramp them up during Advent . He mentioned a daily Rosary , referring to it as " the basics " , that it was what we should all already be doing . How many Catholic families are making the time and effort to fit in a Rosary every single day ? Are you ? How can you make it happen this Advent ? Father also talked about the penitential nature of Advent , and how we should consider a way to make it more penitential in our homes . It got me to thinking about how rarely I offer any personal penances , or observe any fasts . With the exception of the bare minimum required by the Church - fasting on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday , and abstaining from meat every Friday - I don 't have a good habit of offering sacrifices . ( if you are Catholic , and are not consistently abstaining every Friday of the year , please be aware that this is required . If you live in the US , you have permission to substitue a personal penance instead of abstaining from meat . We prefer to follow the traditional course . I have heard it argued that there is greater virtue in performing a penance not chosen by yourself , one that is accepted from above out of obedience ) All this started me thinking of the Liturgical year again , and how there used to be so many more days on which fasting / abstinence were required - more stringent fasting rules for Lent , the Ember days , fasting on the eve of many major feast days , and so on . We are not required to observe many of these fasts anymore , just as we are not required to observe most of the feast days on the calendar . But if I want to try to revive the celebration of some of our favorite feasts in our home - Assumption , Our Lady of the Rosary , Epiphany , etc . - then I feel we should really be taking on more of the penitential days as well . It just suddenly feels wrong to enjoy celebrating all the feasts without also sacrificing during the fasts . This project took us ages and ages to complete . We began in May of 2015 , when this was just " Stella 's room . " Flora didn 't even exist yet , and it would be awhile more before we knew she was a girl and would be moving in with her big sister eventually . So then it began to be called " the Girls ' room , " and as there were now two people sleeping elsewhere in the house and waiting for their room to be ready , I was feeling more and more stressed about its lack of completion . But it 's finally done , thank goodness , and we did it all by ourselves , and I 'm very satisfied with the outcome . The finish on the trim and doors was in rough shape . The shellac varnish had darkened so much over time that it was almost black . It had a lot of crazing and drips , and whoever had last painted the room had splattered drips of paint all over the baseboards which had then been absorbed in by the old shellac . Tom spent countless hours of his life removing the shellac with alcohol and rags . Honestly , it would have been easier to just replace the trim completely , or perhaps to sand it instead . But he wanted to preserve the original features as much as possible . " before " on the left , " after " shellac removal on the right While Tom was working on trim , I kept myself busy refinishing a lot of furniture . We bought two similar dressers on Craigslist . Tom sanded them down and cut off the silly country - style decorative elements from the bottoms . I then painted the " bottoms " , and stained and poly 'd the tops . I painted a lovely ornate ( plastic ! ) mirror I picked up at a flea market and have had sitting around for a few years . I also acquired ( on Craigslist , of course ) a nightstand which I repainted and put new drawer pulls on , and a bedframe for Stella which I repainted . And we 're super bad about remembering to take " before " photos of anything , sooo . . . . . you 'll just have to trust me that what we did made a huge improvement ! We ripped up the carpet to find some nice hardwood underneath . As you can see , it needed to be refinished . We decided to do it ourselves - so we rented the huge sander with all the sanding disks , bought the fancy floor polyurethane and applicators , and spent a couple weeks working on that at night after the kids were in bed . My verdict on DIY floor refinishing : a lot more expensive than I expected , and WAY more work than I wanted to do . I definitely want to hire a professional to do it if we ever refinish another room ( the trick will be convincing Tom to agree ! ) . For years , I 've been wanting to get a nice little Mass set for the kids . I have long had dreams of my boys , in particular , playing priest , and asking me to sew them some sweet child - sized vestments like Pope Benedict did . So far , neither of the boys have shown much interest or inclination , to be honest . But maybe if Tom shows them how all the vessels are used and what everything means , they 'll get a little excited about it ? For a long time , I had my eye on the gorgeous set at My Father 's House ( it says it 's not available for sale now , but you can still see the photos . ) I can 't recall the exact price , but I know it was way out of the budget . Maybe $ 160 ? I had to give up on it , because it was just sooooo much money for something I wasn 't even sure my kids were going to use . I decided instead to activate my thrift - shopping superpowers , and start the long slow hunt for items that would work in a kids ' Mass set . I wanted the bare minimum needed for a Traditional Low Mass . So I wasn 't holding out for the incense implements , etc . which would be required for a High Mass . I 've been keeping an eye out for items for about two years now . The one item - though not a strictly necessary one , I believe - that 's been holding me up for the past year from finally completing the set ( by my estimation ) was a ciborium ( a vessal which holds the Eucharist ) . I needed something metal , roughly cup - shaped , with a lid . Not many non - liturgical items look like that ! Finally , at Goodwill last night , I FOUND one . It 's some Paul Revere reproduction piece , according to the etching in the bottom . I was thrilled , Tom and I high - fived in the aisle , and there was much rejoicing ! We have : a crucifix , two candlesticks , a chalice , a ciborium , a paten , two cruets , a bell , and also a shell - shaped dish in case the kids want to play " baptism " - haha . The one part I still don 't have are all the necessary altar linens . Never having served at the altar myself ( a fact I am now , in retrospect , very happy about ) , I have never actually seen any of those linens up close , . All I 've seen are my little line drawings in my missal . So I 'm going to have to get some clear descriptions from Tom , and then I can start trying to acquire what I 'll need . I 'm sure a lot of them can be made from re - purposed thrift store finds as well , and any that can 't be , I will sew . I haven 't paid a visit to my blog in quite a while . My best excuse for it is because we 've started up our homeschooling year , and I 've found myself with much less time . " back to school " 2016 Sly is in " first grade " this year , so I wanted to get a bit more serious about his schooling . After spending the early summer in an excited frenzy of reading and listening to anything I could get my hands on about Charlotte Mason , I decided to give her approach a whirl this year . We 're almost perfectly following Mater Amabilis , which is a free Catholic Charlotte Mason curriculm . Somehow , I had gotten it into my head that a CM approach was pretty light and fluffy , and not as rigorous an education as I was looking for . But how wrong I was ! Many of the books we 're reading are ones which I would have thought too advanced for my kids ' ages , but I 've been pleasantly surprised by how much they are picking up and understanding . Last year , I pieced together my own curriculum , and as the year went on , I just kind of dropped things here and there as I was developing the classic " homeschool burnout . " Since I had no one to answer to but myself , I had no trouble just ditching parts that took too much out of me . I think ( hope ) this year will be a little different . Because I 'm following a plan put together by someone else , I feel more obligation to stick to it ( though I think I may drop some of the geography lessons . . . because that part feels really thrown together to me ) . Sticking with this curriculum also forces me to incorporate some subjects which , while worthwhile , I may not have made time for otherwise - things like artist study , poetry memorization , or nature walks . Our actual school time is close to two hours per day . That gets stretched out , though , because I try to shoo the kids outside for short breaks in between some of our lessons . The past few days , Sly has been insisting that he keep working right through with no breaks at all . He says he prefers to save up all his playtime for one solid chunk at the end . But I 've noticed that his focus has been really slipping . His brain needs to take those little breaks . So I 'm going to start insisting on it , even if I have to push him out the door whining and crying . I set things up so that we only do our normal lessons Monday through Thursday . Fridays alternate between going to our homeschool co - op , or taking a nature walk . And we 've already fit in a couple additional " field trip " days to a special Divine Liturgy at an Eastern church , and a visit to a fort from the French and Indian War . Stella is only four , so I 'm mostly just casually trying to get her to learn her letters and the sounds they make . Linus is almost two - and - a - half , which I have found to be the magical age for potty training . So when the big kids started school , Linus began " potty school . " I 'm just taking a very slow and gradual approach to it . Having him sit on his potty a few times a day , and seeing if anything happens . And reading our all - time favorite book for potty training , Ian 's New Potty . And Flora is six months old , so she mostly fusses during school time until she 's ready for her morning nap , and then Mommy rushes to try to finish up the rest of the school lessons so that maybe she 'll have a tiny bit of time left to fit in some baby - free chores before naptime ends . It 's been an adjustment for us all . It 's been hard on the kids to realize that they can no longer play with their good across - the - street friend during the mornings , and that Mommy is likely going to turn down most offers for morning playdates and outings because she really needs to get serious and make sure " school " happens most days . And it 's been tough on me to have to give those things up as well . We 're just not morning people in this family . We can 't get up early enough to get lessons out of the way and still have time to go anywhere in the morning . So hanging out with friends , trips to the supermarket and other errands have to get pushed to other time slots . It 's kind of like I 've taken on a part - time job in addition to my already full - time job of mothering and housekeeping . I need to remind myself constantly to be responsible and just get it done , and not be tempted by every possible excuse to push lessons aside until the next day . I figure , if the kids were in public school , they 'd have to show up every day , and they 'd stay there until mid - afternoon . At least we have more flexibility and free time than that ! A few days ago , the kids and I really needed to get out of the house , so I took them to the local Game Preserve . There 's a pond with ducks and geese , a couple caged peacocks , and a bunch of buffalo in a fenced pasture . I ' ts not as exciting as the zoo , but it 's free , and it 's a nice way to kill a little time on a summer day . We had brought a bag of stale bread to feed the ducks , as one does . As soon as we stepped out of the van , the Canada geese spotted us with our bag of bread , and they came swarming . First four , then eight , then sixteen . . . . they were just multiplying every second , waddling over and surrounding us . I doled out a piece of bread to each kid . But the geese got greedy , and when Stella and Linus weren 't able to break off pieces quickly enough ( or hold their bread up high enough ) , they both started to get bitten ! Geese are mean creatures . Poor Linus started crying , and clinging to me for dear life ! Then Stella followed suit It was such a chaotic scene , I couldn 't help laughing . And then we tried to get away , and all the geese were chasing behind , while Linus cried and cried . I know it makes me a terrible mother , but it was definitely the funniest thing I 've seen all month : - ) Speaking of being a mean mom , I 've started to make my kids clean their rooms completely every day after " nap time " ! ( I always put nap time in quotation marks , because no one ever actually sleeps . And I don 't even have the energy to enforce a true " quiet time " since they are on the third floor and I 'm just not going to drag myself up there every five minutes to make them be quiet . ) Ever since the never - ending renovations started on Stella 's room over a year ago , we 've had the three biggest kids all sleeping up on the third floor together . I send them up there for a couple hours every afternoon , because . . . . well , I need it for my sanity ! Needless to say , the rooms become a huge wreck every day . I was wearing myself out trying to tidy every few days , and keep the third floor rooms somewhat presentable . But I 've decided that if the kids can make the mess , then they 're ready to learn how to clean it up as well ! Ten minutes before the end of naptime , I tell them it 's time to start cleaning . They let me know when they 're ready for a room inspection , and then I go up to take a look . I 'm pretty ruthless - I think it 's the best way to be , so they learn to do a good job . They can 't have even a little scrap of paper left on the floor , or a single sock under the bed . When they 're a little bigger and more capable , I 'll start having them make the beds as well . The first week of room cleaning was slow going . They didn 't know the most efficient ways to tidy up , and kept calling me up to check when there were still a bunch of little things scattered around . But they 're getting quicker and better now . It 's become expected , so there 's no complaining about it . They just get it done . Yes , I feel like I 'm slowly figuring out some tricks in this parenting business . . . For example , today at Aldi , I decided to try taking two shopping carts instead of one . I pushed the cart with Linus and Flora . Those two usually ride together in the cart , so I 'm forced to pack all my groceries around Flora 's bulky car seat . But today , my big almost - six - year - old Sly pushed the other cart containing Stella and all the groceries . It worked out so well . Three of the kids were strapped in , and the other one was busy with an important job . So there was none of the usual monkey - ing around or reminders from me to stay with the cart , stop hiding behind boxes , etc . It was all business - and so much more efficient than usual ! I truly enjoy listening to children 's music . Probably more than my kids do . Pretty much all of the kids ' music I consider " good " is actually folk music , which might explain why I love it so much . That said , I almost universally dislike when children themselves are singing the songs . The little voices just tend to sound so whiny ! I prefer an adult singer with some simple but well - performed accompaniment . This is the woman I grew up listening to ! I have mega nostalgia when it comes to her albums , and still know every song by heart . They were originally released by Klutz . Each album historically came with a lyric book so kids can follow along ( we had the cassette tapes growing up ) . I 'm not sure if the newest version of the cds comes with these , but I 'd bet you can find them on eBay . She has a great voice , and it 's easy to sing along . I never heard of Raffi as a child . How is that even possible ? I feel like everyone else my age grew up with his music . Now I know I was really missing out ! We now have a ton of his albums , and I love them all . He 's quite a prolific artist ! Here are all the ones I can definitely recommend : She 's a newer artist than the others I 've mentioned . I first heard her lovely voice at a friends ' house , when she put on an album for her children . Elizabeth sings a lot of modern renditions of traditional folk songs . Her stuff is probably the easiest to find at your local library . A sister and brother duo ( their half - brother is Pete Seeger ) . I only have one of their albums ( so far ! ) , but I 've been loving it . On this , they are singing the entire collection of folk songs their mother Ruth published in one of her several song books ( see it here ) . I really like the idea of this program , intended to teach music and rhythm ( and a bit of the Faith ) to young children . The song selections are pretty good , though I 'll say that the singers ' voices / singing style is sometimes not my favorite . But it 's a great intro to some simple , fun songs for kids . I 've heard my children singing songs off these albums more than any of the other ones , even though I 've played them less times . I am a Catholic wife and mother who enjoys second - hand shopping , touring old houses and historical buildings , reading , and attempting various " domestic arts . " . I live in Pittsburgh and attend the Traditional Latin Mass . I used to be a high school biology teacher , but now I stay home full time . I wear skirts exclusively . I 'm just starting out what I hope will be a successful journey in homeschooling my kids . I 'm trying to learn how to be a good wife , good homemaker , good mother , and good Catholic woman . This blog will document my successes / failures . Why the Mass in Latin ? " Because words mean things . And because the Mass is about timeless , universal verities , it makes sense to use words which are universal and unchanging with time . Hence , Latin . "
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Bacon and Eggs I learned a long time ago , while working at a popular breakfast spot , Stop stressing . . . Its just Bacon and Eggs . . . How bad can you mess that up ? It 's been a really nice day . Just one of those " nothing special " sort of days but hey , that in itself is pretty special . We 've just been puttering around the house and the yard with no real plans to get anything in particular done . Just hanging out and enjoying this beautiful weather . Have you ever noticed how much you can get accomplished sometimes when your not doing anything ? I 've done a few loads of laundry and even got them folded ! I have been known to be a little lazy about that . Now I just need to get them put away . I 've gone through my coupons and am trying to get them organized . There are quite a few that are about ready to expire so I 've been sorting them out to see what I might still be able to use . I have a shopping list started . Let 's see , the front of the house is vacuumed , the dishes are done and put away and the trash is taken out . I got a little knitting done sitting in the backyard and soaking up the fresh air . I 'm still working on that scarf and I am hoping I can finish it in time to use it this winter . I guess we will see how that plays out ! We have a pork loin smoking on the pit and a big ' ol pot of pinto beans on the stove . That big loaf of rustic Italian - style bread Mushroom and I made last night and a tossed salad ought to round things out and make a mighty nice dinner . The dog 's have been having a great day too . You can sure tell they are enjoying the weather as much as we are ! Speaking of dogs , I don 't know if you remember our " criminal " dog or not . She is ( was ) still playing the escape artist by jumping the fence in the evenings . At least she hasn 't brought home anymore new toys ! Anyway , when she was a pup we had one of those " invisible " fences complete with the training collar . It didn 't take her any time at all to understand how it worked . Within a couple of days she had her boundaries figured out . She was a really easy dog to train . She 's a smart girl and hands down the best dog I have ever been lucky enough to hang out with ! Well I guess she thinks we haven 't noticed her late night outings are still going on . She hasn 't brought any new toys home lately but she HAS been out wandering around the neighborhood . I would be heartbroken if something happened to her . We don 't have the training collar anymore so yesterday Mars decided he would put up a hotwire around the top of the backyard fence . Needless to say , it didn 't take very long at all for her to discover her escape route had been shut down . Once is usually enough for her . I can 't say for sure just yet but I 'm betting she won 't be taking any more early morning strolls by herself any time soon ! ~ ~ Hey . . . I 'm Just Sayin . . . ~ ~ There hasn 't been alot going on around here so far this week . The weather has been wonderful and the weather folks are calling for more of the same for the next week or so . I certainly can 't complain . It seems like every time the weather gets like this I wish it would stay this way forever ! It just never seems to last long enough . Those purple beans are starting to come on now . Mars got a good handful of them on Sunday and another handful again today . At this rate it will take awhile to get a good mess of them ! I expect they will take off soon though . . . the plants are covered with blooms . We still haven 't got anymore squash but again there are lots of blooms so I 'm sure it won 't be long . Hey , even the tomato 's have some blooms on them . I don 't know if we will get any red ripe ones but hey , wouldn 't some fried green tomato 's be wonderful ! Yes , I know those are Spongebob taco kits ! They have 10 taco shells , taco seasoning and taco sauce for a dollar a box . I found some 83 % Hamburger marked down and had a $ 2 . 00 coupon so I was able to pick up three pounds for $ 4 . 00 ! Lets just say every item here except the lettuce was on sale , including the sausage and the fish sticks . I am still doing the couponing and am really surprised at the amount of money that I have been able to save . One thing I have found though is that the things I have been buying are more of a " fill - in " sort of hings that I know I wouldn 't actually buy . ( Like the Pepperidge Farm and Keebler cookies ) But I am not one to argue with free ! Coupons are not going to feed the family but they will sure help stretch an already tight budget ! I don 't know if you can read that but I paid $ 14 . 00 for all this and saved a whopping $ 38 . 27 . Coupons are not foing to feed the family but they will sure help stretch an already tight budget ! Wow , it seems like it has been quite awhile since I 've posted anything . I think this is the longest " down - time " I have had here since I started blogging . To be honest though , looking back , I think I needed the break . I 've been a bit distracted here lately and am trying to get myself back on track . I don 't know where the track is headed but I 'll be sure to be on the train ! Thursday I went with Mushroom and her husband Bud to the V . A . Hospital . He was scheduled for a colostopy ( darned if I know how to spell it ! ) and they put him out to do it . Mushroom doesn 't have her driver 's license right now so she asked me if I would drive them home . Good thing too since Bud wasn 't feeling much pain after it was all over . He was a little loopy and a whole lot funny ! He got a clean bill of health and won 't have to have another one for five years . It 's a good thing too because it 's going to take her at least that long to talk him into having another one ! ! : ) I made it to the Dr . 's appointment on Wednesday and got the test results from the blood work and a diagnosis . There was nothing new about the diagnosis except that things are progressively getting worse . I suppose that shouldn 't surprise me since I already pretty much knew what they would have to say . I just didn 't realize how hearing it again would actually feel . I won 't go into details here , mainly because I figure folks really don 't come here to read about that sort of thing . Anyway . . . . Friday I received a letter from Social Security regarding my filing for disability . Yep , you guessed it . They turned me down again . A bit depressing but at least this time I was expecting them to . My lawyer filed for a hearing with a judge and so now begins step 3 . We wouldn 't have had to do this if I had got the news I received on Tuesday a few weeks earlier . But hey , that 's just the way things go . Things will eventually work themselves out , I just have to try and be patient . Until then life goes on . I refuse to give in and mope around waiting . Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed and that is what I fully intend to do ! We all loaded up this morning and went to an Air - gun Shoot . Bud is a big air - gun junkie and has been looking forward to this for a few months now . We all had a great time with a whole lot of other air - gun enthusiasts . I took tons of pictures and I will post all about it in a day or two . It 's been a long day so I am going to cut it short this time ! I 've been a bit under the weather the last couple of days so posts have been a bit sketchy . I haven 't even read the blogs I love to follow . I have a Dr . s appointment in Tulsa early tomorrow morning . Just what I want to do . . . drive through the land of construction during rush hour ! Thursday Bud has a procedure he has to have done . They are going to give him some drugs before hand so I am going to go and drive them back from Muskogee . LOL Some folks would get a laugh out of that ! Imagine that . . . I 'm the designated driver ! : ) Wow , I 'm tired just thinking about it ! I must be getting old . There was a time when I could run flat out full speed for days on end and never even blink ! So anyway . . . . . While I 'm out of commission why don 't you check out some of the folks on my blogroll . There is some great reading to be had there for sure . ~ ~ Hey . . . I 'm Just Sayin . . . ~ ~ There are all sorts of things in the news lately that we should all be worried about . Our rights and freedoms are gradually being stripped from us while we just sit around and let them take each of them without any fuss whatsoever . Sometimes I wonder just what it will take for the people of these once great States of America to stand up and say NO MORE . Or will we just sit back and wait for someone else to do it ? This article hit me as a good summation of what I see happening around us . Our nation appears to be embracing socialism at every turn without to realizing what is even happening . Oh , have you heard that over in the UK they are proposing that everyone 's checks first go to the government so they can get what taxes " they " think are fair ? How long before our own government decides that they will do the same ? I can imagine it happening since " they " have us so far in debt already . It won 't be long before they come for our pensions and retirement plans to try and make up for some of the money the bankers have squandered with NO repercussions . Will we stand up then ? Somehow I doubt it . There are truly bad things going on around us every day . Things that don 't make the Main Stream Media . Things that should make a good person downright angry . I don 't usually write post like this one . Sometimes though things just tick me off . There is so much more I could and should say about the horrors going on around us daily . I will refrain as best I can though I will not promise to rant on occasion . We got the first fall bounty from the garden this week ! Isn 't it pretty ? We cooked it up with a little bit of onions and a couple of pats of butter . . Oh My was it good . Wow , it 's hard to believe that it is already Saturday . Another week just about to be history ! Funny how time seems to fly by these days . Do you remember when you were a kid how time just seemed to drag by ? It seemed like week took an eternity to pass . Especially when you were waiting for something to happen . I swear back then it took a month for a single week to pass . For example , the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas surely had to be six months . It sure felt like it anyway ! These days I finish up the Thanksgiving dinner dishes and the next thing I know I 'm cooking Christmas dinner . Yep , time sure does fly these days . I 've been grocery shopping again and did really well . I 'll be doing a separate post on that in a day or so . It got me to thinking about a couple of things though . One is that if I were not living " in town " I would not be able to take advantage of sales and coupons the way I am right now . I mean . . . it is easy right now for me to go to the store a couple of times a week and take advantage of some of the specials . That wouldn 't be possible if we were living out of town . That means some of the really cool deals that I am taking advantage of right now wouldn 't be available to me in other situations . I am sure though that even if I could only shop once or twice a month I could figure out how to make the best of things . So I guess until then I will stock up on all I can , while I can . I got an email this week from the FoodSaver company about the sales they have this time around . I get them regularly since I bought my vacuum system a couple of years ago . ( Time flies remember . . I think it might have been more like three years ) . They had a really neat sale on their FoodSaver Mini - Plus system . The regular price is $ 69 . 99 and it was on sale for 50 % off with free shipping . What a deal ! Well , I got to thinking about it a bit and wondered if there was any way to share that great deal with you guys who read here . Well I called the FoodSaver folks just to see if it would be possible . I spoke with a really helpfI mentioned that I had a blog and have always considered a FoodSaver system a really important part of food storage . I also mentioned that I was a prepper and that seemed to spark a little interest . She asked me if that was like preparing for a natural disaster or something . She was familiar with it ! ! ! Of course I told her Yes ! She asked me ( off the record ) what the name of my site was and so of course I shared it with her . Laurie , if you are reading , welcome and thanks for all your help ! I have been trying for over a month now to get my computer hooked up to Mushroom 's printer . All the drivers are installed , and the software , and everything SHOULD be working just fine . Of course , it isn 't . None of us here can figure out why . Since I have been doing the coupon saving it has become more important than ever to be able to print things off this dang thing ! Oh well , we will figure it out eventually ! Until then all I can say is Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ~ ~ Hey . . . I 'm Just Sayin . . . ~ Small Town Sunset I 've been reading through some of the blogs I enjoy . I hadn 't really realized just how many of them I follow . At last count there were 153 . Now I know that sounds like an awful lot but you have to remember that there are very few who post on a regular basis . This makes it " manageable " for me and I thoroughly enjoy them . I 'm always on the lookout for a new and interesting blog . Now I 'm sure if they all started posting with regularity I would seriously have to cut back . There is only one thing that really annoys me about some of them . It 's that " jukebox " that plays the authors favorite songs . Now don 't get me wrong , I actually enjoy most of the music that is there . It also gives me an insight into an authors taste and style in music . What IS disturbing are the ones that play music when the blog opens . I don 't have a choice but to listen to the music . The ones that " hide " the jukebox wayyyy down on the page are totally annoying . I either have to scroll down until I find the dang thing or mute my speakers . Now having said that , Is it just me or does it annoy you too when you open up a blog page music automatically starts playing ? I think I have mentioned before that I have finally found a place where I can get medical help . This organization is wonderful . It is a christian run clinic with Doctors and Nurses who volunteer their time to make it happen . They have an 18 wheel tractor trailer set up as a small Doctors office , complete with examining rooms and even a small pharmacy area that dispenses non - narcotic medicines . If they don 't have some medicines in stock , the rule of thumb is that they prescribe what they can generically so you can go to Wally World or some other place that has the $ 4 . 00 + stuff . The folks there are wonderful and make you feel like you are a person and not just another " case " to deal with . Now having said all that , I had an appointment scheduled yesterday . I had to go into the Big City which is a trip of about 60 miles . The Physician 's Assistant had called me on Saturday ( on I haven 't mentioned this before . Mainly because it is ( to me anyway ) really disturbing . The neighbor that lives next door has two dogs . One is a Dachshund and the other one is a German Shepard . The dachshund has been tied up on the front porch all summer and the German Shepard is tied up in the backyard . These poor dogs have been without water during the hot summer most every day . Not to mention that it seems they don 't feed the German Shepard much at all . Two or three times a week maybe . It disgusts me . Heck it makes me want to cry one minute and raise hell the next . Here is the problem though . I can 't get into their backyard to water and even to feed that poor dog . He looks horrible and probably suffers from Heart worms as well . I wanted to call the Humane Society or the dog pound or whatever they have here in Little Big Town and report the situation . The problem is that the neighbor is a cop here for the city . If I were to call he would definitely know who had done it since we are the only ones who can see into the back yard . There would be repercussions . Mushroom said that they have called on them before and that the drama lasted for a long time afterwords . I am a guest here and so I can 't be getting folks in a tizzy either . I just don 't know what to do . ' Heck it 's illegal to do some of the things I have considered ! ! : ) It just breaks my heart to see people abusing animals like that and not even caring . ~ ~ Hey . . . I 'm Just Sayin . . . ~ ~ For the last couple of weeks I have been using coupons while grocery shopping . I have to admit that it has been quite an interesting and eye - opening experience . The rule of thumb for me is to only buy things that are readily usable in my food storage OR that it is free . Yes , I have found that there are a few things that I have been able to pick up FREE ! Here is what I have been doing . First I check out the weekly sales ad 's to see what is on sale . And then I go through the coupons to see what I can use . The local grocery store here doubles coupons up to $ 1 . 00 which can have a huge impact on savings . I make a list and try to stick to it . So far I have been doing really well . I just have to remind myself that I am only shopping for food storage and for immediate use around here . I stay away from things we don 't actually eat . Store what you eat and eat what you store is a motto around here . I didn 't buy anything that wasn 't on sale and I had coupons for almost everything I picked up . So here it is . . . Total Amount Paid after all sales and coupons $ 20 . 74 That 's a savings of 62 % ! I 'm totally amazed at how much money I saved . I think I may end up being a couponing freak ! ! It didn 't take much time at all to deal with the coupons and make the list either . I will sure be doing this again and I bet I end up being pretty good at it too . Everyone knows how much I love being cheap . . . . err . . . frugal . : ) I have just started trying this over the last couple of weeks and already I can see that it is a great way to make your dollars stretch . Which means more $ for more preps ! ~ ~ Hey . . . I 'm Just Sayin . . . ~ ~ It keeps trying to rain around here but it just can 't seem to make up its mind . We have had a little bit around here but hey , we could always use some more . The garden boat and the other plants are loving it ! The cucumbers are blooming and so is the yellow squash . I just love squash blooms . I have always marveled at their beauty . The one spaghetti squash seed that Mars planted is really taking off . He has it in a cage so it can climb and man is it ever doing that ! It 's at least four foot tall now with a single bloom on it ! There is even a bloom on one of the tomato plants ! Mushroom and I made some oatmeal cookies yesterday . They turned out really good . They are huge too . This is a recipe that she used to make for her kids when they were little . She used to send them off to school with a couple of them for breakfast ! Now before you say " What ? Cookies for breakfast ? " just check out the ingredients in this wonderful recipe . It is also really versatile so feel free to play around with the ingredients ! Who says cookies can 't be healthy ! ! Sift together flour , salt , baking soda , cinnamon and ground cloves . Cream shortening . Add in eggs and honey , creaming after each addition . Add vanilla . Add flour mixture in 3 additions , mixing well after each addition . Fold in oats , seeds , fruit , nuts and wheat germ . Drop by spoonfuls onto cookie sheet . Bake at 325 * F for 15 - 20 minutes or until lightly browned . Last night for dinner we had baked pork chops , scalloped potato 's and a really nice green salad . I am posting the recipe for the scalloped potato 's here because everything that is called for is probably in your food storage already . They turned out wonderful . We put the pork chops on top of the potato 's to save space and energy ! I have the before picture here but I wasn 't fast enough to click a pic of the finished product right out of the oven . Scalloped Dehydrated Potatoes Preheat oven to 350 degrees . Place potato slices into a medium casserole dish . Combine remaining dry ingredients and sprinkle on top of the potato slices . Dot with butter . Pour boiling water over all and stur gently to combine . My good friend Wolfe over at Wolfe 's Blog has been quite creative over the weekend . Check out the crossword puzzle he made up ! It has been designed for prepper 's and for the friends of the Prepper 's Chat Room . I understand he will be doing a Sunday Crossword Puzzle for Prepper 's on a weekly basis . He is working on another one for next week . If you would like to join us in chat please stop by and say hello . There are lots of other prepper 's there and most evenings you can find folks ready to chat and discuss most anything prepper related ( and not so prepper related too ! ) Caution - Reading this post could cause severe boredom . . Short version - I 've been feeling under the weather but I 'm better now . Proceed at your own risk . Another apology for not writing for the last few days . The last two days have been spent driving around in circles for the most part . I had an appointment on Wednesday to see a new doctor . Since I can 't really afford one and can 't get medicare yet , I was able to find a wonderful place called The Good Samaritan 's . They will see people who have no insurance or money to see a doctor . There aren 't really many rules except to show up on time . The appointment was for 9 : 00 am with a check in time of 8 : 30 am . I had the very best of intentions and was aiming to be there before 8 : 30 . Things just never seem to work out like you had them planned though . I had to drive into Tulsa , which is a little over 50 miles from Little Big Town . I was up at 6 : 30 and on the road by 7 : 00 . Now don 't you think that would be plenty of time to make it ? Yeah , so did I . The problem is that it seems that every single road in Tulsa is under construction of some sort or the other . And so my google map of how to get where I needed to be was rendered practically useless . Well truth be told even without the construction detours it was pretty useless . I tried calling the numbers I had for the place and of course neither of them were any good . Anyway , somehow I finally found the place at 9 : 15am . I ran in , breathless , and was told my name had been crossed off the list . Grrrrr . . . . but as fate would have it , someone didn 't show up and I was able to take their spot . The doctor was great . She is going to do all she can to help me get my Social Security Disability . As she put it " There is NO reason they should have turned you down " . So she ordered a bunch of lab tests to be done and some xrays as well . This way I have something to show SS . Unfortunately the diagnoses hasn 't changed but at least I have found a bit of help . Yesterday I had to go back into Tulsa ( construction capitol of Oklahoma ) and find the lab to have the blood work done , as well as the x - rays . I 'm really glad Mars went with me because once again I was lost as lost could be . Of course every time I stopped to ask for directions I got some crazy instructions that kept getting me more and more lost . For over 2 hours we drove around before finally we broke down and bought a freaking $ 5 . 00 map of the city . LOL we should have done that the day before ! With the help of the map we drove straight to both places with no more troubles . Geesh , what a day . I didn 't realize how much it had taken out of me . I 've been told that fatigue is one of the things that I will eventually have to deal with . I guesSciFi Chick Beautiful morning just sitting out on the porch and drinking coffee . Someone must be having brisket today . I can smell the fire from someones pit floating in the breeze . There aren 't to many people stirring in the neighborhood yet . I love this time of the morning . The sun 's just barely up and its quiet . There aren 't any traffic noises yet and the birds are all starting to sing . I can hear a squirrel making those chucking noises that squirrels make . It won 't be too long though before the sounds of a small town coming to life will be heard . Kids playing , grown ups laughing and chatting around the pit . I have always enjoyed Labor Day . Its one holiday that that really doesn 't have to be made a big fuss over . On the other hand , if you feel like it you can go all out too ! For me it has always meant good friends , good food and time to just relax . It signals that the steamy hot days of summer are mostly behind us now and that the cooler days of Fall are on the way . Labor Day is one the few holidays that just demands ( for me anyway ) a fire on the BBQ pit and some type of meat on said pit . We are having what I consider a traditional Labor Day meal this year . Hamburgers and hot dogs ! Only we are going at it in a little bit of a different and sure to be yummy way . Mushroom has found a wonderful old fashioned meat market over in Tulsa . They cut their own meats to order and still wrap the meats in butcher paper ! They also grind their own hamburger meat and make their own versions of polish sausage . You just can 't find many places these days that go that extra mile . Speaking of going the extra mile , our meal today is sure to be a wonderful one . And my friend Mushroom sure knows what she is doing . With good planning we are going to be able to enjoy the day just relaxing and being with friends . All the " hard parts " have already been done over the last two days . I wanted to share with you just how this weekends foods all came about . That lady certainly knows how to plan things so that it almost seems effortless . I am doing all I can to learn from her experience in the kitchen while we are here with them . It would be silly NOT to ! Mushroom defrosted a nice roast and put it it the solar oven earlier in the day on Saturday along with some nice carrots . We cooked the potato 's for the potato salad and tossed in a few extra to make mashed potato 's for Saturday 's pot roast dinner . We chopped up all the vegetables like the onions and celery that we would need for the next couple of days , including the carrots for the roast . We stirred up the potato salad and put it in the ice box to " set " . I say that because we all know that the longer Tater salad sits the better it is ! The beans were put on to cook overnight . After all this stuff was done , she whipped up the extra potato 's and made some excellent brown gravy from the roast juices . So we had a yummy pot roast dinner on Saturday night and marked the potato salad off the to do list ! Yesterday was another interesting day in the kitchen . The baked beans were still cooking and I was going to learn how to make some homemade bread . I know some of you will be shocked to know that I DID NOT use my bread machine ! ! As a matter of fact , after this weekend I might be using my beloved bread machine for kneading dough only . We made two different batches of bread . The first one is a Rustic Italian Bread that is one of Bud 's all time favorite breads . It made the biggest loaf of bread I think I have EVER seen ! And OMG was it wonderful . Then we made Onion Roll Hamburger and Hot - dog buns to go along with our Labor Day Feast . Dinner last night was pretty simple but oh so yummy . Salomi and Provolone sandwiches on Rustic Italian Bread with a side of potato salad . Today is the girls day off ! Our work is done . Other than to heat up the beans and take the Potato salad out of the ice box . The menfolk are going to fire up the pit and toss some big ol hamburgers on along with some of that killer polish sausage . It has been a picture perfect day here . I love this time of year . It is still " almost " hot in the afternoons but oh so pleasant in the mornings . You can feel that the change in seasons is just around the corner . To me it seems that even the air is different . The cats and the dogs are all starting to put on their winter coats . I 've been trying to remember just where I stored the long sleeve shirts . Not that we need them just yet but it won 't be much longer and I have things packed in every conceivable space in the RV . This will be my first fall and winter spent in a more northern climate . STOP LAUGHING ! Oklahoma IS north to me ! This is going to be my first winter in someplace other than Texas in many many years . I 'm kind of looking forward to it , but then again I don 't really like cold weather . I know though that I am going to thoroughly enjoy actual seasons . I really hope that maybe by this time next year we will be on our own land somewhere in Arkansas . The kittens are really starting to wander around now . They are still a bit skish around people yet but they are getting better day by day . They come closer and closer to letting one of us touch them without freaking out and running away . Even the men folk are a little bit " taken " with them . Just don 't let them hear me say that though . They are becoming a source of entertainment for us all . It is actually kind of funny to hear four grown adults go on like little kids about the kittens . I can only imagine what we will all be like in a month or so . LOL Not much going on today to share with you . Therefore the title ! Woo Hoo ! I 'm back online . We had a little problem around here and lost the internet for a couple of days . It seems the city is doing some underground work down the street and clipped a line . They did a temporary fix that lasted a few hours but it is down again now . This is the third time in the last couple of weeks that it has happened . I don 't understand it though because every time I drive by where they are " working " all I see are people standing around , looking in the hole and talking on radios . Sign me up for one of those jobs will ya ? I made another batch of soap yesterday and as far as I can tell it was a beautiful success . I have decided I am going to go into the soap making business . I am going to be talking to some local businesses about placing my soaps in their stores on a " consignment " type deal . There are several places that I have in mind both here in Little Big Town and also in the next town over . When we were in Tulsa a few weeks ago I saw a small display of homemade lye soap at this little grocery / butcher shop for sale . That 's when the idea just sort of " clicked " . I feel really good about this and hope to be able to make a part - time go of it soon . Of Course the soap has to cure for 3 - 4 weeks before it will be ready . The first batch should be ready to go in another week or so . So I have a little time to make up a few sample baskets and all . I 've decided to offer it here on this blog as well . So stay tuned for Homemade Soaps coming your way soon ! I am really starting to see the increase in food prices in the last couple of weeks . It is a bit unnerving to me . My friend Shelly ( who writes for the Ohio Prepper 's Network ) and I were talking about it again last night . She is an avid coupon - aholic and very good at it . She has been trying to " educate " me about some of the ways she saves money . She actually found a couple of sites for me here in Oklahoma that look like they are going to help me save some of those precious dollars . She has got me excited about this ! I can see where I really might be able to save a noticeable amount of money and we all know that I am cheap . . . . errr . . . frugal I mean . I am hoping to get her to do a guest post about some of the tips and tricks that she uses to feed her rather large family . I am happy to report that I have officially finished my first identifiable knitting project ! Yep , you can actually tell what this one is ! I 'm really starting to enjoy it too . My next project ( which I have already started ) is a matching scarf . And then who knows where that will lead . Someday it might actually lead to a pair of hand - knitted socks ! I don 't see it in the near future but . . Bacon And Eggs . All Rights Reserved . 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Bacon and Eggs I learned a long time ago , while working at a popular breakfast spot , Stop stressing . . . Its just Bacon and Eggs . . . How bad can you mess that up ? It 's been a really nice day . Just one of those " nothing special " sort of days but hey , that in itself is pretty special . We 've just been puttering around the house and the yard with no real plans to get anything in particular done . Just hanging out and enjoying this beautiful weather . Have you ever noticed how much you can get accomplished sometimes when your not doing anything ? I 've done a few loads of laundry and even got them folded ! I have been known to be a little lazy about that . Now I just need to get them put away . I 've gone through my coupons and am trying to get them organized . There are quite a few that are about ready to expire so I 've been sorting them out to see what I might still be able to use . I have a shopping list started . Let 's see , the front of the house is vacuumed , the dishes are done and put away and the trash is taken out . I got a little knitting done sitting in the backyard and soaking up the fresh air . I 'm still working on that scarf and I am hoping I can finish it in time to use it this winter . I guess we will see how that plays out ! We have a pork loin smoking on the pit and a big ' ol pot of pinto beans on the stove . That big loaf of rustic Italian - style bread Mushroom and I made last night and a tossed salad ought to round things out and make a mighty nice dinner . The dog 's have been having a great day too . You can sure tell they are enjoying the weather as much as we are ! Speaking of dogs , I don 't know if you remember our " criminal " dog or not . She is ( was ) still playing the escape artist by jumping the fence in the evenings . At least she hasn 't brought home anymore new toys ! Anyway , when she was a pup we had one of those " invisible " fences complete with the training collar . It didn 't take her any time at all to understand how it worked . Within a couple of days she had her boundaries figured out . She was a really easy dog to train . She 's a smart girl and hands down the best dog I have ever been lucky enough to hang out with ! Well I guess she thinks we haven 't noticed her late night outings are still going on . She hasn 't brought any new toys home lately but she HAS been out wandering around the neighborhood . I would be heartbroken if something happened to her . We don 't have the training collar anymore so yesterday Mars decided he would put up a hotwire around the top of the backyard fence . Needless to say , it didn 't take very long at all for her to discover her escape route had been shut down . Once is usually enough for her . I can 't say for sure just yet but I 'm betting she won 't be taking any more early morning strolls by herself any time soon ! ~ ~ Hey . . . I 'm Just Sayin . . . ~ ~ There hasn 't been alot going on around here so far this week . The weather has been wonderful and the weather folks are calling for more of the same for the next week or so . I certainly can 't complain . It seems like every time the weather gets like this I wish it would stay this way forever ! It just never seems to last long enough . Those purple beans are starting to come on now . Mars got a good handful of them on Sunday and another handful again today . At this rate it will take awhile to get a good mess of them ! I expect they will take off soon though . . . the plants are covered with blooms . We still haven 't got anymore squash but again there are lots of blooms so I 'm sure it won 't be long . Hey , even the tomato 's have some blooms on them . I don 't know if we will get any red ripe ones but hey , wouldn 't some fried green tomato 's be wonderful ! Yes , I know those are Spongebob taco kits ! They have 10 taco shells , taco seasoning and taco sauce for a dollar a box . I found some 83 % Hamburger marked down and had a $ 2 . 00 coupon so I was able to pick up three pounds for $ 4 . 00 ! Lets just say every item here except the lettuce was on sale , including the sausage and the fish sticks . I am still doing the couponing and am really surprised at the amount of money that I have been able to save . One thing I have found though is that the things I have been buying are more of a " fill - in " sort of hings that I know I wouldn 't actually buy . ( Like the Pepperidge Farm and Keebler cookies ) But I am not one to argue with free ! Coupons are not going to feed the family but they will sure help stretch an already tight budget ! I don 't know if you can read that but I paid $ 14 . 00 for all this and saved a whopping $ 38 . 27 . Coupons are not foing to feed the family but they will sure help stretch an already tight budget ! Wow , it seems like it has been quite awhile since I 've posted anything . I think this is the longest " down - time " I have had here since I started blogging . To be honest though , looking back , I think I needed the break . I 've been a bit distracted here lately and am trying to get myself back on track . I don 't know where the track is headed but I 'll be sure to be on the train ! Thursday I went with Mushroom and her husband Bud to the V . A . Hospital . He was scheduled for a colostopy ( darned if I know how to spell it ! ) and they put him out to do it . Mushroom doesn 't have her driver 's license right now so she asked me if I would drive them home . Good thing too since Bud wasn 't feeling much pain after it was all over . He was a little loopy and a whole lot funny ! He got a clean bill of health and won 't have to have another one for five years . It 's a good thing too because it 's going to take her at least that long to talk him into having another one ! ! : ) I made it to the Dr . 's appointment on Wednesday and got the test results from the blood work and a diagnosis . There was nothing new about the diagnosis except that things are progressively getting worse . I suppose that shouldn 't surprise me since I already pretty much knew what they would have to say . I just didn 't realize how hearing it again would actually feel . I won 't go into details here , mainly because I figure folks really don 't come here to read about that sort of thing . Anyway . . . . Friday I received a letter from Social Security regarding my filing for disability . Yep , you guessed it . They turned me down again . A bit depressing but at least this time I was expecting them to . My lawyer filed for a hearing with a judge and so now begins step 3 . We wouldn 't have had to do this if I had got the news I received on Tuesday a few weeks earlier . But hey , that 's just the way things go . Things will eventually work themselves out , I just have to try and be patient . Until then life goes on . I refuse to give in and mope around waiting . Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed and that is what I fully intend to do ! We all loaded up this morning and went to an Air - gun Shoot . Bud is a big air - gun junkie and has been looking forward to this for a few months now . We all had a great time with a whole lot of other air - gun enthusiasts . I took tons of pictures and I will post all about it in a day or two . It 's been a long day so I am going to cut it short this time ! I 've been a bit under the weather the last couple of days so posts have been a bit sketchy . I haven 't even read the blogs I love to follow . I have a Dr . s appointment in Tulsa early tomorrow morning . Just what I want to do . . . drive through the land of construction during rush hour ! Thursday Bud has a procedure he has to have done . They are going to give him some drugs before hand so I am going to go and drive them back from Muskogee . LOL Some folks would get a laugh out of that ! Imagine that . . . I 'm the designated driver ! : ) Wow , I 'm tired just thinking about it ! I must be getting old . There was a time when I could run flat out full speed for days on end and never even blink ! So anyway . . . . . While I 'm out of commission why don 't you check out some of the folks on my blogroll . There is some great reading to be had there for sure . ~ ~ Hey . . . I 'm Just Sayin . . . ~ ~ There are all sorts of things in the news lately that we should all be worried about . Our rights and freedoms are gradually being stripped from us while we just sit around and let them take each of them without any fuss whatsoever . Sometimes I wonder just what it will take for the people of these once great States of America to stand up and say NO MORE . Or will we just sit back and wait for someone else to do it ? This article hit me as a good summation of what I see happening around us . Our nation appears to be embracing socialism at every turn without to realizing what is even happening . Oh , have you heard that over in the UK they are proposing that everyone 's checks first go to the government so they can get what taxes " they " think are fair ? How long before our own government decides that they will do the same ? I can imagine it happening since " they " have us so far in debt already . It won 't be long before they come for our pensions and retirement plans to try and make up for some of the money the bankers have squandered with NO repercussions . Will we stand up then ? Somehow I doubt it . There are truly bad things going on around us every day . Things that don 't make the Main Stream Media . Things that should make a good person downright angry . I don 't usually write post like this one . Sometimes though things just tick me off . There is so much more I could and should say about the horrors going on around us daily . I will refrain as best I can though I will not promise to rant on occasion . We got the first fall bounty from the garden this week ! Isn 't it pretty ? We cooked it up with a little bit of onions and a couple of pats of butter . . Oh My was it good . Wow , it 's hard to believe that it is already Saturday . Another week just about to be history ! Funny how time seems to fly by these days . Do you remember when you were a kid how time just seemed to drag by ? It seemed like week took an eternity to pass . Especially when you were waiting for something to happen . I swear back then it took a month for a single week to pass . For example , the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas surely had to be six months . It sure felt like it anyway ! These days I finish up the Thanksgiving dinner dishes and the next thing I know I 'm cooking Christmas dinner . Yep , time sure does fly these days . I 've been grocery shopping again and did really well . I 'll be doing a separate post on that in a day or so . It got me to thinking about a couple of things though . One is that if I were not living " in town " I would not be able to take advantage of sales and coupons the way I am right now . I mean . . . it is easy right now for me to go to the store a couple of times a week and take advantage of some of the specials . That wouldn 't be possible if we were living out of town . That means some of the really cool deals that I am taking advantage of right now wouldn 't be available to me in other situations . I am sure though that even if I could only shop once or twice a month I could figure out how to make the best of things . So I guess until then I will stock up on all I can , while I can . I got an email this week from the FoodSaver company about the sales they have this time around . I get them regularly since I bought my vacuum system a couple of years ago . ( Time flies remember . . I think it might have been more like three years ) . They had a really neat sale on their FoodSaver Mini - Plus system . The regular price is $ 69 . 99 and it was on sale for 50 % off with free shipping . What a deal ! Well , I got to thinking about it a bit and wondered if there was any way to share that great deal with you guys who read here . Well I called the FoodSaver folks just to see if it would be possible . I spoke with a really helpfI mentioned that I had a blog and have always considered a FoodSaver system a really important part of food storage . I also mentioned that I was a prepper and that seemed to spark a little interest . She asked me if that was like preparing for a natural disaster or something . She was familiar with it ! ! ! Of course I told her Yes ! She asked me ( off the record ) what the name of my site was and so of course I shared it with her . Laurie , if you are reading , welcome and thanks for all your help ! I have been trying for over a month now to get my computer hooked up to Mushroom 's printer . All the drivers are installed , and the software , and everything SHOULD be working just fine . Of course , it isn 't . None of us here can figure out why . Since I have been doing the coupon saving it has become more important than ever to be able to print things off this dang thing ! Oh well , we will figure it out eventually ! Until then all I can say is Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ~ ~ Hey . . . I 'm Just Sayin . . . ~ Small Town Sunset I 've been reading through some of the blogs I enjoy . I hadn 't really realized just how many of them I follow . At last count there were 153 . Now I know that sounds like an awful lot but you have to remember that there are very few who post on a regular basis . This makes it " manageable " for me and I thoroughly enjoy them . I 'm always on the lookout for a new and interesting blog . Now I 'm sure if they all started posting with regularity I would seriously have to cut back . There is only one thing that really annoys me about some of them . It 's that " jukebox " that plays the authors favorite songs . Now don 't get me wrong , I actually enjoy most of the music that is there . It also gives me an insight into an authors taste and style in music . What IS disturbing are the ones that play music when the blog opens . I don 't have a choice but to listen to the music . The ones that " hide " the jukebox wayyyy down on the page are totally annoying . I either have to scroll down until I find the dang thing or mute my speakers . Now having said that , Is it just me or does it annoy you too when you open up a blog page music automatically starts playing ? I think I have mentioned before that I have finally found a place where I can get medical help . This organization is wonderful . It is a christian run clinic with Doctors and Nurses who volunteer their time to make it happen . They have an 18 wheel tractor trailer set up as a small Doctors office , complete with examining rooms and even a small pharmacy area that dispenses non - narcotic medicines . If they don 't have some medicines in stock , the rule of thumb is that they prescribe what they can generically so you can go to Wally World or some other place that has the $ 4 . 00 + stuff . The folks there are wonderful and make you feel like you are a person and not just another " case " to deal with . Now having said all that , I had an appointment scheduled yesterday . I had to go into the Big City which is a trip of about 60 miles . The Physician 's Assistant had called me on Saturday ( on I haven 't mentioned this before . Mainly because it is ( to me anyway ) really disturbing . The neighbor that lives next door has two dogs . One is a Dachshund and the other one is a German Shepard . The dachshund has been tied up on the front porch all summer and the German Shepard is tied up in the backyard . These poor dogs have been without water during the hot summer most every day . Not to mention that it seems they don 't feed the German Shepard much at all . Two or three times a week maybe . It disgusts me . Heck it makes me want to cry one minute and raise hell the next . Here is the problem though . I can 't get into their backyard to water and even to feed that poor dog . He looks horrible and probably suffers from Heart worms as well . I wanted to call the Humane Society or the dog pound or whatever they have here in Little Big Town and report the situation . The problem is that the neighbor is a cop here for the city . If I were to call he would definitely know who had done it since we are the only ones who can see into the back yard . There would be repercussions . Mushroom said that they have called on them before and that the drama lasted for a long time afterwords . I am a guest here and so I can 't be getting folks in a tizzy either . I just don 't know what to do . ' Heck it 's illegal to do some of the things I have considered ! ! : ) It just breaks my heart to see people abusing animals like that and not even caring . ~ ~ Hey . . . I 'm Just Sayin . . . ~ ~ For the last couple of weeks I have been using coupons while grocery shopping . I have to admit that it has been quite an interesting and eye - opening experience . The rule of thumb for me is to only buy things that are readily usable in my food storage OR that it is free . Yes , I have found that there are a few things that I have been able to pick up FREE ! Here is what I have been doing . First I check out the weekly sales ad 's to see what is on sale . And then I go through the coupons to see what I can use . The local grocery store here doubles coupons up to $ 1 . 00 which can have a huge impact on savings . I make a list and try to stick to it . So far I have been doing really well . I just have to remind myself that I am only shopping for food storage and for immediate use around here . I stay away from things we don 't actually eat . Store what you eat and eat what you store is a motto around here . I didn 't buy anything that wasn 't on sale and I had coupons for almost everything I picked up . So here it is . . . Total Amount Paid after all sales and coupons $ 20 . 74 That 's a savings of 62 % ! I 'm totally amazed at how much money I saved . I think I may end up being a couponing freak ! ! It didn 't take much time at all to deal with the coupons and make the list either . I will sure be doing this again and I bet I end up being pretty good at it too . Everyone knows how much I love being cheap . . . . err . . . frugal . : ) I have just started trying this over the last couple of weeks and already I can see that it is a great way to make your dollars stretch . Which means more $ for more preps ! ~ ~ Hey . . . I 'm Just Sayin . . . ~ ~ It keeps trying to rain around here but it just can 't seem to make up its mind . We have had a little bit around here but hey , we could always use some more . The garden boat and the other plants are loving it ! The cucumbers are blooming and so is the yellow squash . I just love squash blooms . I have always marveled at their beauty . The one spaghetti squash seed that Mars planted is really taking off . He has it in a cage so it can climb and man is it ever doing that ! It 's at least four foot tall now with a single bloom on it ! There is even a bloom on one of the tomato plants ! Mushroom and I made some oatmeal cookies yesterday . They turned out really good . They are huge too . This is a recipe that she used to make for her kids when they were little . She used to send them off to school with a couple of them for breakfast ! Now before you say " What ? Cookies for breakfast ? " just check out the ingredients in this wonderful recipe . It is also really versatile so feel free to play around with the ingredients ! Who says cookies can 't be healthy ! ! Sift together flour , salt , baking soda , cinnamon and ground cloves . Cream shortening . Add in eggs and honey , creaming after each addition . Add vanilla . Add flour mixture in 3 additions , mixing well after each addition . Fold in oats , seeds , fruit , nuts and wheat germ . Drop by spoonfuls onto cookie sheet . Bake at 325 * F for 15 - 20 minutes or until lightly browned . Last night for dinner we had baked pork chops , scalloped potato 's and a really nice green salad . I am posting the recipe for the scalloped potato 's here because everything that is called for is probably in your food storage already . They turned out wonderful . We put the pork chops on top of the potato 's to save space and energy ! I have the before picture here but I wasn 't fast enough to click a pic of the finished product right out of the oven . Scalloped Dehydrated Potatoes Preheat oven to 350 degrees . Place potato slices into a medium casserole dish . Combine remaining dry ingredients and sprinkle on top of the potato slices . Dot with butter . Pour boiling water over all and stur gently to combine . My good friend Wolfe over at Wolfe 's Blog has been quite creative over the weekend . Check out the crossword puzzle he made up ! It has been designed for prepper 's and for the friends of the Prepper 's Chat Room . I understand he will be doing a Sunday Crossword Puzzle for Prepper 's on a weekly basis . He is working on another one for next week . If you would like to join us in chat please stop by and say hello . There are lots of other prepper 's there and most evenings you can find folks ready to chat and discuss most anything prepper related ( and not so prepper related too ! ) Caution - Reading this post could cause severe boredom . . Short version - I 've been feeling under the weather but I 'm better now . Proceed at your own risk . Another apology for not writing for the last few days . The last two days have been spent driving around in circles for the most part . I had an appointment on Wednesday to see a new doctor . Since I can 't really afford one and can 't get medicare yet , I was able to find a wonderful place called The Good Samaritan 's . They will see people who have no insurance or money to see a doctor . There aren 't really many rules except to show up on time . The appointment was for 9 : 00 am with a check in time of 8 : 30 am . I had the very best of intentions and was aiming to be there before 8 : 30 . Things just never seem to work out like you had them planned though . I had to drive into Tulsa , which is a little over 50 miles from Little Big Town . I was up at 6 : 30 and on the road by 7 : 00 . Now don 't you think that would be plenty of time to make it ? Yeah , so did I . The problem is that it seems that every single road in Tulsa is under construction of some sort or the other . And so my google map of how to get where I needed to be was rendered practically useless . Well truth be told even without the construction detours it was pretty useless . I tried calling the numbers I had for the place and of course neither of them were any good . Anyway , somehow I finally found the place at 9 : 15am . I ran in , breathless , and was told my name had been crossed off the list . Grrrrr . . . . but as fate would have it , someone didn 't show up and I was able to take their spot . The doctor was great . She is going to do all she can to help me get my Social Security Disability . As she put it " There is NO reason they should have turned you down " . So she ordered a bunch of lab tests to be done and some xrays as well . This way I have something to show SS . Unfortunately the diagnoses hasn 't changed but at least I have found a bit of help . Yesterday I had to go back into Tulsa ( construction capitol of Oklahoma ) and find the lab to have the blood work done , as well as the x - rays . I 'm really glad Mars went with me because once again I was lost as lost could be . Of course every time I stopped to ask for directions I got some crazy instructions that kept getting me more and more lost . For over 2 hours we drove around before finally we broke down and bought a freaking $ 5 . 00 map of the city . LOL we should have done that the day before ! With the help of the map we drove straight to both places with no more troubles . Geesh , what a day . I didn 't realize how much it had taken out of me . I 've been told that fatigue is one of the things that I will eventually have to deal with . I guesSciFi Chick Beautiful morning just sitting out on the porch and drinking coffee . Someone must be having brisket today . I can smell the fire from someones pit floating in the breeze . There aren 't to many people stirring in the neighborhood yet . I love this time of the morning . The sun 's just barely up and its quiet . There aren 't any traffic noises yet and the birds are all starting to sing . I can hear a squirrel making those chucking noises that squirrels make . It won 't be too long though before the sounds of a small town coming to life will be heard . Kids playing , grown ups laughing and chatting around the pit . I have always enjoyed Labor Day . Its one holiday that that really doesn 't have to be made a big fuss over . On the other hand , if you feel like it you can go all out too ! For me it has always meant good friends , good food and time to just relax . It signals that the steamy hot days of summer are mostly behind us now and that the cooler days of Fall are on the way . Labor Day is one the few holidays that just demands ( for me anyway ) a fire on the BBQ pit and some type of meat on said pit . We are having what I consider a traditional Labor Day meal this year . Hamburgers and hot dogs ! Only we are going at it in a little bit of a different and sure to be yummy way . Mushroom has found a wonderful old fashioned meat market over in Tulsa . They cut their own meats to order and still wrap the meats in butcher paper ! They also grind their own hamburger meat and make their own versions of polish sausage . You just can 't find many places these days that go that extra mile . Speaking of going the extra mile , our meal today is sure to be a wonderful one . And my friend Mushroom sure knows what she is doing . With good planning we are going to be able to enjoy the day just relaxing and being with friends . All the " hard parts " have already been done over the last two days . I wanted to share with you just how this weekends foods all came about . That lady certainly knows how to plan things so that it almost seems effortless . I am doing all I can to learn from her experience in the kitchen while we are here with them . It would be silly NOT to ! Mushroom defrosted a nice roast and put it it the solar oven earlier in the day on Saturday along with some nice carrots . We cooked the potato 's for the potato salad and tossed in a few extra to make mashed potato 's for Saturday 's pot roast dinner . We chopped up all the vegetables like the onions and celery that we would need for the next couple of days , including the carrots for the roast . We stirred up the potato salad and put it in the ice box to " set " . I say that because we all know that the longer Tater salad sits the better it is ! The beans were put on to cook overnight . After all this stuff was done , she whipped up the extra potato 's and made some excellent brown gravy from the roast juices . So we had a yummy pot roast dinner on Saturday night and marked the potato salad off the to do list ! Yesterday was another interesting day in the kitchen . The baked beans were still cooking and I was going to learn how to make some homemade bread . I know some of you will be shocked to know that I DID NOT use my bread machine ! ! As a matter of fact , after this weekend I might be using my beloved bread machine for kneading dough only . We made two different batches of bread . The first one is a Rustic Italian Bread that is one of Bud 's all time favorite breads . It made the biggest loaf of bread I think I have EVER seen ! And OMG was it wonderful . Then we made Onion Roll Hamburger and Hot - dog buns to go along with our Labor Day Feast . Dinner last night was pretty simple but oh so yummy . Salomi and Provolone sandwiches on Rustic Italian Bread with a side of potato salad . Today is the girls day off ! Our work is done . Other than to heat up the beans and take the Potato salad out of the ice box . The menfolk are going to fire up the pit and toss some big ol hamburgers on along with some of that killer polish sausage . It has been a picture perfect day here . I love this time of year . It is still " almost " hot in the afternoons but oh so pleasant in the mornings . You can feel that the change in seasons is just around the corner . To me it seems that even the air is different . The cats and the dogs are all starting to put on their winter coats . I 've been trying to remember just where I stored the long sleeve shirts . Not that we need them just yet but it won 't be much longer and I have things packed in every conceivable space in the RV . This will be my first fall and winter spent in a more northern climate . STOP LAUGHING ! Oklahoma IS north to me ! This is going to be my first winter in someplace other than Texas in many many years . I 'm kind of looking forward to it , but then again I don 't really like cold weather . I know though that I am going to thoroughly enjoy actual seasons . I really hope that maybe by this time next year we will be on our own land somewhere in Arkansas . The kittens are really starting to wander around now . They are still a bit skish around people yet but they are getting better day by day . They come closer and closer to letting one of us touch them without freaking out and running away . Even the men folk are a little bit " taken " with them . Just don 't let them hear me say that though . They are becoming a source of entertainment for us all . It is actually kind of funny to hear four grown adults go on like little kids about the kittens . I can only imagine what we will all be like in a month or so . LOL Not much going on today to share with you . Therefore the title ! Woo Hoo ! I 'm back online . We had a little problem around here and lost the internet for a couple of days . It seems the city is doing some underground work down the street and clipped a line . They did a temporary fix that lasted a few hours but it is down again now . This is the third time in the last couple of weeks that it has happened . I don 't understand it though because every time I drive by where they are " working " all I see are people standing around , looking in the hole and talking on radios . Sign me up for one of those jobs will ya ? I made another batch of soap yesterday and as far as I can tell it was a beautiful success . I have decided I am going to go into the soap making business . I am going to be talking to some local businesses about placing my soaps in their stores on a " consignment " type deal . There are several places that I have in mind both here in Little Big Town and also in the next town over . When we were in Tulsa a few weeks ago I saw a small display of homemade lye soap at this little grocery / butcher shop for sale . That 's when the idea just sort of " clicked " . I feel really good about this and hope to be able to make a part - time go of it soon . Of Course the soap has to cure for 3 - 4 weeks before it will be ready . The first batch should be ready to go in another week or so . So I have a little time to make up a few sample baskets and all . I 've decided to offer it here on this blog as well . So stay tuned for Homemade Soaps coming your way soon ! I am really starting to see the increase in food prices in the last couple of weeks . It is a bit unnerving to me . My friend Shelly ( who writes for the Ohio Prepper 's Network ) and I were talking about it again last night . She is an avid coupon - aholic and very good at it . She has been trying to " educate " me about some of the ways she saves money . She actually found a couple of sites for me here in Oklahoma that look like they are going to help me save some of those precious dollars . She has got me excited about this ! I can see where I really might be able to save a noticeable amount of money and we all know that I am cheap . . . . errr . . . frugal I mean . I am hoping to get her to do a guest post about some of the tips and tricks that she uses to feed her rather large family . I am happy to report that I have officially finished my first identifiable knitting project ! Yep , you can actually tell what this one is ! I 'm really starting to enjoy it too . My next project ( which I have already started ) is a matching scarf . And then who knows where that will lead . Someday it might actually lead to a pair of hand - knitted socks ! I don 't see it in the near future but . . Bacon And Eggs . All Rights Reserved . 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" Two houses . Two countries . Two points of view . One is outside cultural life , the other right in it . One is the other 's refuge . Both are at the same time necessary and useless … In China , it is the Year of the Rabbit . In film , it may be remembered as the year of the phoenix . Once recognized , now underground , poets of literature , photography , film , and music will rise cenerstage with upcoming films . Bob Dylan will appear as an older but wiser musician in Hearts of Fire ; cult poet Charles Bukowski goes public as screen writer of Barber Schroeder 's Barfly ; The Clash 's Joe Strummer will appear in Alex Cox 's Straight to Hell and Walker , which was written by Rudy Wurlitzer ( screen writer for Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid ) , who himself returns , along with Roben Frank , as co - director of Candy Mountain . Perhaps no artist more than Roben Frank typifies this phoenix - like rise from the ashes . At the apex of his photography ca reer , Frank put his still camera away and convened his eye to filmmaking , directing several personal films which were fol lowed mostly by those already familiar with his still work . With Candy Mountain however , Frank reaches for a wider audience in a four - wheeled film quest that strikes images from his own life . Robert Frank first hit the road when he emigrated from his native Switzerland to New York in 1950 as a fashion photogra pher . In 1955 , he traveled the American asphalt as a Guggenheim fellow for pho tography , and the resulting book of stills , The Americans , published in 1958 , gained him both fame and infamy . Woven throughout the black and white photos are images of American flags , graves , juke boxes , cars , political and religious icons , and the road itself . By the critics , he was condemned for his " joyless , " " disillu sioned , " and especially " anti - American " photographs that depicted America and its citizens from New York to the Deep South to the West . Yet by photographers he was hailed , and then imitated , for his spontaneous and poetic style , which looked outward upon America while , at the same time revealing Frank looking in ward upon himself . Some of the photo graphs have since become so well known - in one photo , a black nursemaid holds a privileged white baby in South Carolina , while in another , people stare blankly from a trolley car in New Or leans - that they themselves have be come American icons . It would be the last project for which Frank considered himself a photographer . Film , where he found a " kinship in the negative , " became the next logical step for him . A diary entry at that time ( Pantheon Photo Library , 1983 ) states : " 1960 . A decision : I put my Leica in a cupboard . Enough of lying in wait , pursuing , some times catching the essence of the black and the white , the knowledge of where God is . I make films . Now I speak to the people who move in my viewfinder . " With Ginsberg 's participation , Frank made a nother film , Me and My Brother ( 1965 - 68 ) , about Orlovsky 's institutiona lized brother , Julius . He continued to make more films ( among them Conversa tions in Vermont , 1969 , and About Me , A Musical , 1971 ) and in 1972 , at the invitation of the Rolling Stones , Frank went on the road again , as part of the Stones ' American tour , which he filmed with as sistant Danny Seymour . The documentary won him notoriety again , this time with the Stones , who didn 't agree with the frank and excessive sex - and - drugs - and rock - and - roll light they were cast in . The film remains banned ( by legal order ) to this day . Frank then made Life Dances On ( 1979 ) after the death of his daughter , Andrea , in a plane crash in 1974 and even a video , Home Improvements ( 1984 - 85 ) . The Swiss - French - Canadian co - pro duction was written by Rudy Wurlitzer . It is Frank 's first scripted film . While Frank was behind the camera for most of his previous projects , it was Swiss cinematographer Pio Coraadi who shot this one . Frank would arrive on the set , survey the room , and tell Coraadi exactly where to put the camera but would barely look into it . Gerald Dearing , Frank 's American based producer , said the film was originally intended as a co - production between Switzerland and Canada . However , since the two countries had no production agreement , but had common production agreements with France , two French companies were asked to participate . The cast and crew was constructed from the three countries as well as the States , " but , " emphasizes Dearing , " it 's an American film . " Candy Mountain brings together previous themes of Frank 's work : power , fame , loss , American life , and inward search . ROBERT FRANK : Rudy ( Wurlitzer ) and I , we 've been friends for quite a while . We 're sort of neighbors up there in Canada . We made two films together . And then the idea was that I would like to make another film , a very simple film , which is based in part on some biographical facts of my life and so on . That was about four years ago or so . So I asked Rudy to write something in that respect , some simple story , you know , of living here and going up to Canada , that has a connection with me . And actually , that was used as a text for that photographv book { Pantheon Photo Library } . And that was the beginning of the film , really ; that was the basic idea . RF : Yeah . So it had to do with living in two places . So it came out of that , and at that time I also worked on a video called Home Improvements , which also had elements of what is happening in my life . So the idea was just to make a short , simple film . But then it developed . Rudy wrote more about it , it became a regular script , and then we met some Swiss people by accident - Ruth Walburger , a producer , whom we met in Zurich . It was a total acci dent . She had a friend who wanted Rudy to write a script , and then Rudy said , " Well , I 'm working with Robert on this … , " and she knew about my being Swiss , so that 's how it came about . RF : Keep Busy , I probably had more to do with directing that . And the other , Energy and How to Get It , was a cooperation between three people , Gary Hill and myself and Rudy , and we sort of split it up . Keep Busy was an almost unscripted film - not much of a script - but Energy and How to Get It had documentary footage in it . We started to make a documentary on a guy who was interested in electrical storms to harness lightning and produce electricity . It 's called ball lightning . We found this guy in Nevada somewhere and started to make a documentary on him , and then lat er Rudy submitted more of a script ; it could be done as a bigger film . We got money from PBS to do it . RF : It 's , like , if you work on a scripted film like this , you move in heavy anillery , you know . To kill it . I mean , you have a target and you 're nor going ro run around with this little air gun . You really move in with this heavy equipment . And you kill it . I mean , you hit it , you know . You are going to be on target . You know what you have ro do with that heavy equipment . So I think the most difficult thing was to realize that there could be very little improvisa tion . I mean , you have to stick ro the shooting schedule , you had so much time , you couldn 't change the camera angles . After a while , I settled for it , and it 's one of the things that I don 't know … I wouldn 't do it like this again . I would refuse to settle for it that way . RF : I would try not ro move in that heavy machinery ; I would like to limit it . It could have been more limited in this film . Bur somehow , it got bigger and bigger all the time , and there was no way to stop it . And I think it was detrimental to the film . It also came about because of the music ; it made it even bigger , the fact that there were a lot of musicians involved , and mu sic . So the machinery became even heavi er , with all this sound equipment . And I think it would nor have had to be like this . That 's my strongest feelings toward the film - that it was like a hype . RF : It came from raising money , you know . You have to say there 's going to be a rec ord , there 's going to be . . . In order to raise money , you have to say what you do , and you have to say , ' " They are the musi cians , and they 're going to play , and we 're going to have a lot of music and we 're go ing to do it right . We 're going to have it recorded right . " And so it gets bigger and bigger . And actually , most of all that big sound stuff that was used in the film , you have to pay a lot of money for . In the end it didn 't get in the film . It was cut out . RF : That 's very difficult . That 's like mak ing a baby , two people making a baby . You can imagine . Actually , I think that is a very good comparison . I mean , a film is a little bit like making a baby . You know , the film is made and it 's lying there , and you say , hey , it 's got red hair , or it 's fat , or whatever . But you 're happy it 's there . It 's alive . It talks . You know , it 's got color . So co - directing was a little bit like , you know , you make the baby together . And that doesn 't really work that well . RF : Well , I think that Rudy was very good at the content of a scene , and the lines and what 's behind the scene . And there was no rehearsal . I came in front of the camera and decided we shoot the scene in a cer tain way , you know , these three camera angles and that 's what I want . And then I would watch them [ the actors ] , how they move , and I would say , " Do it differently . " Sometimes I would say something about the words , but most often it was mainly a thing about how to deliver them or how to space it , the spaces in between . It was a thing of movements . RF : Well , it 's all fictional . It just has mo ments that I knew very well , what it meant to me , so that I could tell the actor more , how I thought about it , how I felt about it , having gone through the situation , thinking back about people from New York who want to hold on to me , who I 'm a valuable property to , you know , make money from . So I could explain to an actor the feeling that I had about that what I felt . I felt very secure in that . So when these moments come about in the film , I feel good about it . I feel there 's like a little glimmer of the truth there , you know ? RF : The industrial landscape of New Jersey ? Well , I think because it 's a road mov ie and it starts out in New York , it moves you out of the city , through the industrial part , toward the Canadian border , where things get quiet and the landscape would become more empty till we 're in Canada , where it becomes very peaceful and emp ty , and slow . That was the idea . RF : Music is very interesting . Music is also very entertaining . Music is powerful in films . I don 't think that 's what makes America interesting , though . But I think that if you can use it right and use it right in the film , it will help the film a great deal . It really makes it go , moves the film . RF : I don 't see any connection between my photographs of jukeboxes and the music in this film . I made another film a long time ago , A Musical About Me , and I used a lot of music in that . You know , sometimes I get very tired of words . Words get kind of boring . Music is more uplifting . It 's lighter , it 's easier , it 's faster . Sometimes it 's wonderful to have music , and then silence , and then words . I think it 's a good combination . So the idea in this film was to use musicians more as actors . You know , they act , but they 're musicians . So we have Dr . John - he doesn 't appear at all as a musician . In the final scene , we had a big number where he plays music . And we didn 't use it . So it was interesting to see how musicians like Buster Poindexter ( David Johan sen ) - how they were as actors . Or Tom Waits , acting . And then we had a little bit of music with them in it . RF : Well , first of all , when they play music , they 're musicians , they don 't have to act . I think it 's more interesting than the other way around , where you use an actor , and he 's not a musician . So I think that was very valuable , although that wasn 't as complete as we hoped it would be . RF : Well , we knew them . I knew Tom Waits , and I had a connection with Joe Strummer and , you know , these are people who are sympathetic to the project and who wouldn 't want to do it just for big money . They liked the project . RF : Well , it 's son of a metaphor for how , in America , money is very important . Like Dr . John [ Elmore 's son - in - law ] , his fury is that he lost out [ on the possibility of making money on his father - in - law 's gui tars ] - that he had nothing . I think that 's very American . To be left out of a big deal . Julius ' fantasy of making this big deal , coming back with this suitcase full of money . You know , it 's that kind of dream . The closer he gets to it , the less likely it is . Or the more he loses and the more he sees that it 's really not going to happen . RF : Well , I think that 's very simple . It started out from this little plan to make this lit tle film which goes from New York to Canada . So how do you get there ? The first version of the script , [ Julius ] even went to Europe , to Berlin , to look for [ Elmore ] , and then back to Canada . Well , the fact that you move in a moving picture is very good , you know . You keep going . And I think one of the good parts in the film is [ its editing ] . It continuously moves . Once he leaves New York , Julius is really on the road and doesn 't stop until he gets up there . And then he 's up there and he goes right back again … I liked the Wenders film a lot , the one in Germany he made , which was , you know , a road picture , with the repairmen of the projectors , Kings of the Road . Well , that has a son of connection to it . This is an American story . I think Rudy likes [ the genre ] a lot . He did Two Lane Blacktop , which is a road picture . " In making films I continue to look around me ; but I am no longer the solitary observer , turning away after the click of the shutter . Instead ! 'm trying to recapture what I saw , what I heard , and what I feel . What I know ! " RF : It 's easy ? It 's not easy at all . It 's a strug gle . I think it 's very different to be a pho tographer . Because in photography you are alone . You don 't need anyone else . Whereas in film , there are a lot of people around you . You have to explain what you do . The other films I did , most of them were really not very well planned - often without a script - which is the hardest way you can make a movie . It has its wonderful moments , but as a whole it 's much more difficult than to do a scripted film . RF : Well , like Me and My Brother was something that just went along , that changed as I went along . I started out to do a film about a poem of Ginsberg 's , and it ended up to be a film about Peter Orlovsky 's brother , whose name was Julius . So it continuously changed . Then you sort of focus on this person . And by what happens to him over a longer period of time , the film changes . Or in this case , he disappeared , and you find something else to take his place . But it 's made like that . And then , you see , it didn 't succeed , when you see the footage , and then you try in the editing to put something together . And I think that was a mistake . I edited for a long time on Me and My Brother . And I should have just accepted what was there and not try to make it into something else . I think that 's what I learned from that film . I really tried to twist it into a shape that I felt the film needed in order to be a full length film . And now , if I was to re - edit the film or redo it , I would let it be the way the footage came out and not try to over edit it or force it into telling a a specific sto ry . I mean , I would have more confidence in the material that I had . RF : If you are a photographer for that long … . You have film , which is a negative , so you find there 's a kinship there . I can 't paint , I don 't want to write poetry , I 'm not a writer . So you just continue mak e images . RF : That 's a direct influence , I think , from the movies , once I started to make mov ies . I certainly didn 't rhink about the sin gle photographs anymore . Not very much . RF : That also comes from film . Well , it 's a combination , but it all comes from being forced to explain somerhing , being forced to communicate your ideas to the people you work with in films . So when , when I went back to photographing with the Polaroid camera , it didn 't leave me . I wanted to communicate something else - not necessarily to explain it , but to communi cate something else with the photographs . The picture in itself didn 't mean that much to me anymore . RF : Because a Polaroid was immediate . You had , just like in any other photograph , a negative . And then I could immediately put on the negative forever - I mean , scratch in , in a way , to destroy the im age - writing something over it that would be spontaneous , and that would be an expression of what I felt , the moment or the time I took these pictures . Usually I take eight pictures together on a cassette . It was always between two and eight . Never more . And very seldom one . And if it was one , then it had words in it . RF : No . Film is not at all instantaneous be cause you have to bring it to the lab , it has to come back . And it 's not the same as video . In video you also get it back right away , but you can 't do anything with it . I mean , it 's electronic . But here the beauty was that you had a negative , just like any other negative - immediately - and you could see it and then you could print it much later . Then you could change again . But the most important thing was to be able to express right away , on the film , on the print , how you wanted it . And later on you went to the darkroom and sometimes it didn 't work . But sometimes it worked , that spontaneity of expressing your feel ings . RF : Well , I like Life Dances On in a way , because it deals with three people I knew , and I like each one . And it talked about the friends I had , and my daughter . That was the most personal to me , but it was very simple . And it had a certain truth . Reality . RF : Yeah , it was sort of dedicated to rhem . But also the film took three characters then - my son Pablo , who lived in Vermont at that time , and Marty Greenbaum , who was an old friend who was struggling to be an artist and Billy , a bum I got to know on the street . And I felt that each one of rhese three people was walking on the edge . And that 's what made the film . And it also had these references to my daughter , and I was always in it . It was al ways me who forced these people to talk , who made them talk about themselves or expose themselves in a way , I didn 't hide that interference and that brutality that pushes a filmmaker to get something out of people … Probably I didn 't know then how I fit into this , how I found myself in the center of these three people with whom I had different relations . I never said that before , but I think that 's what interested me - pure intuition , I didn 't plan on this . I didn 't make a point of this in the film . But it comes out sometimes stronger than at other times . I think now if I would make a film , I would be much too conscious of it . Me and My Brother had similar ele ments in it , but I think it 's trying too hard , you know , to be a real film . It was also in part because I was given money by some people who then immediately demanded that I do it in color . But I liked to work with Joe Chaiken . That was a very good experience . And I learned on each film . I mean , that 's a very wonderful thing , in films , if you are really almost obsessed by making a film . You know , as soon as the film is finished , that it isn 't made accord ing to a scheme or to a formula . I can see what is wrong , or what I could have done better , or what I should have done better . How I don 't wa nt to make a film like this anymore , but change . That 's very interesting . It doesn 't happen like this in photography . It just doesn 't come up for me . It just doesn 't have that challenge . MG : The photography at one point was much more certain . You had a reputation , and you could have kept on going - which most people would choose to do . You chose to do something that was less cer tain . It 's much harder to succeed in film . RF : Well , that also gave me the impetus . I want to risk things in film . I don 't want to go middle of the road . I 'm not interested in making a safe film . That 's not the point anymore for me . I don 't even want to make money in films . I mean , I 'd like to get paid , I 'd like to be able to live . But I want to make a film that really rakes risks , that expresses some of my lifestyle and some of my experience . RF : On each film you say , I 'm never going to edit two years on a film , I 'm never going to work without a script … After this film , I 'm never going to work with the heavy machinery like that . I 'm not going to have 25 people around me when I make a film . It 's not necessary . You can do it with less . We were really very careful to keep the dialogue , to really stick with the script ; it was the schedule , it was like an airline schedule , the plane leaves and you 've got to make the plane , make the connection ! would not be so slavish about this anymore . I would risk more , to throw the schedule away , to depart from it . RF : Yeah . And here I felt everything be came secondary to the structure of the film . No spontaneity . You preserve that structure . You absolutely don 't want to d stroy it . Now I would feel , well , fuck it . I don 't have to . You try to shoot the film in sequence , which we mostly did . We wanted it , and I thought it was very good and much easier . But in a strange way , it made you really more a slave to the struc ture . If we had not shot it in sequence , it would have been easier to say , well , we don 't need this , we can do it differently . RF : No . Unfortunately , I don 't see any . Be cause in New York , it becomes more diffi cult to operate , to be free , because of the tremendous amount of money that you need to exist in New York . And I think it 's not that open . People know too much now . You know , they really want to be sure to succeed somehow . RF : It was much more open . Everything was possible , everything was new . But now that spirit doesn 't exist . Things are not that new . If they make new galleries on Avenue C , that 's a new location . But it 's a similar game . But in the late Fifties , early Sixties , there was a tremendous opti mism to bring in something new , to make it different . People are much more careful today . They go to school for many years , they prepare everything very carefully . They know exactly what they want and how they want it . Because it must fit into this category , and this is where they have to fit in . Because if they don 't fit in , they don 't make it . They 're left lying down the road . And I think that 's a very strong feel ing today , also with younger people , that they have to fit . None of us had that feeling . You didn 't have to fit . It was okay . RF : Well , I think what I meant probably was , it 's a small country . And to stay in Switzerland as a Swiss , you know , you really are in an orbit that you can 't get out of . I think I meant it that way . And if you leave the country , you go to America . I don 't know what other country I would go to . Still , I think the U . S . is the best country for me . RF : It 's free . People let you do whatever you want to do . You can live your life any way you want to . Especially in New York . I really talk about New York . I talk more about New York than America . But it 's also the bigness of America . You can leave . You can go to Montana . Here , nobody gives a fuck what you do . It 's wonderful in New York in the subway . There 's solidarity in some ways . And I also feel that in a way , it 's more democratic . It 's depressing to see how many people are poor . And everyone seems to get more and more so . I really have become an American in that way . RF : It 's pretty horrible . It 's a very depressing place to get sick . Actually , one morn ing I woke up in the loft and I said , " Jesus Christ , I could die here in this loft , you know . " I always lived near the Bowery . RF : Well , you pay a high price to live in the city . It wears you out , it wears you down . So after living here 30 years , you get to know it , it gets in your system . And you know that there is something else . You can go back to Europe . But you can also go to a peaceful country that 's vast , and you can go back to nature . I never liked to go in the middle of the road , and so you go to the edge of the continent . I liked the cold and the winter . I liked the people there . They have roots , and they are very simple people . And very decent people . And they also leave you alone . There 's so much space there , and you come and they watch you . They know that you 're going away , you can 't stand it after a while . And so it 's quite wonderful . It 's so beautiful . The landscape . It 's so quiet . RF : How are they different ? Well , they are much less aggressive . They are calmer . They 're not afraid to be run over , there 's not so much pressure there . I 'm talking from New York to Mabou . I 'm sure there 's somewhere - Duluth , for in stance - where it 's very different . But also I went to Canada not so much because I loved Canada , but because I simply could not afford to buy land near the water in America . I didn 't have that kind of mon ey . RF : Spirituality ? I can 't answer that . You have to be religious ? I don 't know . I think in New York it is really important for you to believe in yourself , for you never to give up this belief . And in New York it 's sort of easy to reinforce that , because artists are egotistical people . They really have to look out for themselves , always . They really think about their work , their imagination , their dreams . They put it down ; they are able to show that . So New York is very strong ; it 's very powerful to reinforce that feeling and to make it even stronger . And I think , when you go to a place like Canada , where all of a sudden it 's empty and there 's nobody standing behind you , nobody standing in front of you , and no feedback , then you 're alone . Then you begin to watch nature , to watch … You watch something else , and you become a better human being . Well , after making films here when I go to Canada , I feel much better . I look at myself as almost a better person . I 'm the same person there as I am here , it 's just that this is an inhuman place . RF : I 'm 62 . And I 'm very concerned with getting old gracefully . My main concern now [ laughs ] … Now , as you get older , it 's a more peaceful feeling , because you know that it 's going to be over in the next ten years or so . It 's okay . You just try to get your stuff in order . That will take a long time . You don 't have to climb up the ladder any more . It 's an awkward feeling , but you don 't have to do things anymore the way you did before . It 's a more peaceful feel ing . RF : No . No ideas . I don 't have any ideas . But I 'd like to find them , I 'd like to go to a place where I can have a choice . It 's not like going shopping , you know . RF : I 'm going to be republishing a book called The Lines of My Hand , in which I will add all the other stuff that I 've done . Which is sort of the only other book I want to do . I don 't want to do more books .
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Kurt Russell - Stover Chocolate Turtle Cupcakes Posted on October 28 , 2014 by Leah Hatcher Hello all ! This will be my last post before Halloween , so I decided to do something a little less traditional . Since Halloween 's all about tricks and treats , I thought why not focus on sweets . The movie I watched this weekend was John Carpenter 's The Thing , and a friend of mine gave me the cute idea of " Kurt Russell - Stover " . So from there I looked around for recipe that could mix baked goods with one of my favorite Russell Stover candies : chocolate turtles . That 's when I had the idea to do a chocolate cupcake with a caramel frosting and a chocolate turtle tucked inside as a surprise . Check it out ! I used about 3 different recipes for this cupcake . I was really looking for the perfect combination , plus they are gluten - free so that had to be taken into consideration . Here 's what my main inspiration was , and here 's the cake recipe that I actually followed . We 'll get to the frosting later . For the cake , you 'll need : Pull out of the oven and cut a hole into the center of the cupcakes and insert one of the turtles into each cupcake and put back in the oven for another 3 - 4 minutes . Pull out of the oven . Set aside until cool enough to transfer to another pan / rack . I was able to get 21 cupcakes out of this and I only have one muffin pan so I absolutely had to transfer them to another rack . While the cupcakes are cooling you can start with the Salted Caramel Cream Cheese frosting . This is where I got the recipe for the frosting . Here 's what you need : This was my first time to bake gluten - free , and I am only slightly disappointed . I 've read that using GF flour can be really tricky , but there 's a first time for everything . The cake didn 't have very much chocolate flavor to it , which was a downer . Also the texture was lacking a springy / fluffy quality and I can 't put my finger on it , but it was almost dry . Next time , I would try to add more cocoa or maybe coffee to it to bring out the flavor and also take the cupcakes out sooner , especially if I was putting them back in after adding the turtles to them . The frosting was absolutely delicious , though , and really carried the cupcake . They weren 't bad , but I just really wanted all of the flavors to come out and instead I could only taste the frosting . Also , I immediately put the cupcakes into the refrigerator to cool , which could have had something to do with the way they turned out . Another thing , was that the turtles inside are a nice addition , but they , especially being in the refrigerator , are more hard and chewy and not soft and melty like I would have expected them to be from the oven . All different things to try next time , but they still kick the sweet tooth ! Like I said earlier , I watch John Carpenter 's 1982 movie , The Thing . It 's about a small group of researchers who are stationed at a site in Antarctica for the winter . They have a run in with some Norwegians from a different site a ways off that changes the course of their winter completely . The Norwegians barge in on their base , act irrationally and finally blow themselves up . When the American crew decides to dig a little deeper into this , they find out that the Norwegians uncovered an unidentifiable aircraft and all wound up dead at their base . Getting slightly unnerved by this information , the American team realize that Norwegians left something with them : an alien organism who can perfectly replicate any subject . Now it 's a classic game of guess who and tensions rise as their trust in each other weakens . They must figure out who is real and who is a replica before it 's too late for everyone . First off , I know it 's crazy that I 've never seen this movie before , because it 's a classic , and I 'm sure it won 't surprise any of you that I really liked it . This movie was really good . It came out in 1982 , so some of the effects are dated . For the most part , though , it 's pretty timeless . Although older horror flicks don 't really make me jump or get me covering my eyes or anything like the scary movies of the past 20 years , John Carpenter does a great job of building suspense . I thought that the creature effects were really good too , maybe not haunt - your - nightmares - scary , but disturbing nonetheless , which is why I stand by my statement of this movie being timeless . I really enjoyed the premise of the movie , it 's an original plot line with pretty strong characters . Kurt Russell plays MacReady , who is our protagonist . Not ever having seen this movie , even I still knew that Kurt Russell was the hero , and yet there 's a point in the movie when all signs point to him for being " the thing " and I thought to myself " Is everything I ever thought I knew wrong ? Does this movie have this big of a plot twist in it that our hero isn 't really a hero ? " That 's good writing . So , like I said , not ever having seen it , I still knew certain things about it , so it was a pleasant movie - watching experience to still have some surprises thrown at me . I liked watching Russell start out the movie being too - cool - for - school and morph into a paranoid maniac , while everyone else stays calm and collected for the most part . That only added more suspense to the big question of who 's really who . This is one of The Boyfriend 's favorite movies , and I can see why . It 's got so many explosions . This movie , in that sense , could have easily leaned more towards an action movie than a horror movie . All in all , I really enjoyed it and would be happy to watch it again . Flank Steak - ed in the Heart Posted on October 21 , 2014 by Leah Hatcher Hello , everyone ! It 's getting closer and closer to Halloween , so I figured I could focus more on a horror movie theme for this post and next week 's . This weekend I went and saw Dracula Untold and , after tossing around several ideas for the food , I decided on a Bloody Mary Flank Steak as my dish . Let 's get to it ! There 's really not a whole lot out of dishes out there that are inspired by Bloody Mary 's . I originally thought pizza or pasta , but this flank steak recipe seemed like the easiest . Especially since you can do it in a crockpot . I chose to follow this recipe here . Here 's what you need : Once the steak is done marinating , line the bottom of the crockpot with onion and celery and place the steak on top and add the remaining marinade to the pot . The vegetables are really just there to prevent the meat from sticking . Cook on low heat for 7 - 8 hours . We made a little " gravy " with the remaining juice , but that is optional . After the steak has been cooked , transfer the steak to a plate and run the leftover juice and vegetables through a strainer , while pressing on the veggies to get as much juice out as possible . In a saucepan , heat the juice and add a cornstarch slurry or flour to it for it to thicken up . Serve the " gravy " on top of the steak or on whatever side you make . We did mashed potatoes . First thing 's first : The original recipe said crockpot OR grilled flank steak . I urge you to do yours in the crockpot . Even after 8 hours of marinating , flank steak is just a tough cut of meat . I really didn 't even have high hope for it getting tender even after 8 hours of cooking . I was pleasantly surprised ! It turned out to be like a poor man 's brisket . It just fell apart , you didn 't have to cut it . And it separated kind of stringy how brisket does . The sauce that it cooks in is very tasty . The meat itself , however , was extremely bland . I would suggest making the " gravy " that I talked about above and using it on top of the meat for extra flavor . That made it so much better . The Boyfriend and I were pleased , though . Not so much for the flavor , but we 're excited to cook with flank steak more , since it turned out to not be the worthless meat that I thought it was . The Movie : We went to see Gary Shore 's Dracula Untold in theaters this weekend . It 's an origin story of how Dracula came to be . It also focuses on the folk - lore of Vlad Tepes AKA Vlad the Impaler , and how he was believed to be tied to vampires . The movie is about Vlad , Prince of Transylvania ( Luke Evans ) and his desperation to keep the Sultan of Turkey from taking 1 , 000 boys , including Vlad 's son , for the Turkish army . Vlad goes to see a mysterious monster in the mountains , the master vampire , to seek help and makes a deal with him in exchange for a sample of his power . He then starts a war with the Turkish with the goal of defeating them in three days which is the amount of time that he has the vampiric power for , so that his people can return to peace . There is one stipulation though , and that is if he gives into his urges for human blood , he will remain vampire for … well forever . Also , if he gives in , the master vampire who 's been banished to the mountains will be free to leave the mountains and wreck havoc on the world . Also he will be able to call on Dracula at any time as his loyal servant for any favor he might need . And I 'll stop there , since it 's a new release and I don 't want to ruin anything for anyone . I liked this movie . It was an interesting take on the story that we all know . I don 't know much about the history of Vlad the Impaler , but I thought it was really cool that they made this about the actual folklore of him . Visually , the movie was very good . It had some really stunning scenes . It was full of action , which I 'm not really big on fight scenes , or battle scenes I should say . The battle scenes featured in this movie were not unlike any other movies I 've ever seen before . Often times , there was so much going on in the fight that I couldn 't comprehend what was happening . The Boyfriend thought that there were some awesome fights , though . I really thought that I was going to see a vampire origin story in this , not just Dracula 's . I 'm not upset that I didn 't , but I still think it would be cool to have someone show their ideas on where they came from , other than from hell . The movie did leave off in a way that suggests it will have at least a sequel if not be a trilogy . All in all , I liked it . It was a straight forward , epic action movie . I 'm definitely more interested in seeing other installments of it , especially if it takes place in present day . Also , I 'm interested because this movie made Dracula out to be a hero of sorts , and obviously since master vampire is free to roam , we have a opening for a good versus evil story in the future . Before We Get Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Program … Posted on October 19 , 2014 by Leah Hatcher So , here to blatantly remind you all that this blog originally started as a school project , I must now pitch an idea for a mobile app that I had . I used the site iBuildApp in order to create the interface for it . I would just like to say that I think this site would be incredibly useful if you had a full idea for the app you want to create . I , however , only had ideas for certain parts of the app , and I had a very hard time dealing with the tech in order to bring those ideas to life . That being said , a lot of this is going to be me explaining what I couldn 't do . The name of my app is Which Dish ? I had a hard time coming up with the concept because there are so many food and cooking apps and websites as it is , but my idea for this one was that you could easily search and find recipes based on 2 main things . One being which meal you are cooking for . Under the Categories tab , you will be able to choose from breakfast , lunch , dinner and dessert . Once you 've chosen one of those , you can specify how light or heavy you 're wanting the dish to be and how easy or complex you want the recipe to be . The second thing is to be able to search based on the ingredients you have on - hand . Under the Ingredients tab , you can type in what you have and view recipes featuring those items . Another big thing , is user reviews . There is a rating system for each recipe and a section for written reviews as well . That 's always helpful when trying something new . Who likes to buy a bunch of ingredients they 've never used before / may never use again just for the dish to turn out to be a flop ? The Top Recipes tab will also feature the top rated recipes at the time . It will be consistently changing as more and more users join and rate the recipes they try ! In addition to all of the above , you can sync this app directly to your Pinterest board . If you don 't have a Pinterest , this app will still allow you to save recipes for later use . My major hope for this app , is that it would make looking for recipes easier . I absolutely love Pinterest for food ideas , but categories can get muddled and I find myself upset and overwhelmed because I can 't find something that , in my head , seems so simple . Currently I 'm looking for a recipe for my next post coming Tuesday and once again Pinterest is leading me astray with thousands of things that I don 't want while searching for the one thing I do want . In conclusion , this is not a real app , so don 't go searching for it . I will continue to curse my way through Pinterest and other search tools until I find something better . If you know of a better way , comment below ! Otherwise , my normal food and movie post will be back on Tuesday ! Out of the Furnace Frito Pie Posted on October 15 , 2014 by Leah Hatcher Hi everyone ! I 'm sorry that I didn 't post last week and that this post isn 't on its normal Tuesday schedule . I went home to see family , and although I did see a new movie and eat some food while I was there , it wasn 't anything special to blog about / I saw the movie Annabelle , and didn 't want to relive a minute of it . Anyway , I 'm back and ready to go at it . This weekend I watched Scott Cooper 's 2013 movie Out of the Furnace and made Frito Pies with a Spicy Chicken Chorizo Chili . This chili recipe is the first that I 've shared on the blog that I fully made up on my own , so I 'm excited to share it with you . Let 's get started ! So this idea for this chili came to me one day when I was at my neighborhood H . E . B . I think The Boyfriend and I were there to get brats and stuff for a cookout when I saw this beautiful package of chorizo . I love chorizo a lot , but the way this particular chorizo was packaged was rare to me . Normally the chorizo I find and use is in a casing , and when you cook it it 's less like meat and more like a paste . Or there 's Italian chorizo which is like salami . But this particular chorizo really got me thinking . I had recently gone to the Drafthouse and had their Chicken Chorizo Pizza ( which was delicious ) and so I knew that I could really do something awesome with this besides make amazing eggs ( which I still did make so amazing eggs with it ) . So I dog - eared this idea in my head and knew that one day I would make a Chicken Chorizo Chili . And that day has come . Here 's what you will need : I was really impressed by it . The Chorizo gave it a really nice and interesting flavor and the chicken helped tone down the spice . If I were to change anything , I would probably cut back on some of the spices just to really showcase the flavor of the chorizo . The Boyfriend really liked it , he would have preferred it to be a little thinner so that his fritos could get soggy . So that 's all just up to you , and it 's easy to fix since you would just add more or less water . Definitely something I 'm trying again and again until I get it perfect and as long as I can find that ground chorizo or something similar . It 's about Russell Baze ( Christian Bale ) and his brother Rodney Baze ( Casey Affleck ) . The two brothers are struggling to get by in their own ways . Russell works at a steel mill where his now terminally ill father worked and his brother is a veteran adapting to life as a civilian . One night , Russell leaves a bar and gets into a car crash that leaves the driver and passenger of the other car dead . He goes to jail for vehicular manslaughter , learns that his father died and his girlfriend left him while he 's in jail . When he gets out , he once again sees the positive side of things and life starts to look up for him . All the while , Rodney , who Russell tries to watch over , has decided to go down a dangerous path and enter into street fights to win money so that he can avoid the monotony of the steel mill . After Rodney enters into a fight with a crew led by the ruthless Harlan DeGroat ( Woody Harrelson ) and winds up dead , Russell embarks on a road of vengeance to find justice for his brother and makes a few more mistakes along the way . Like I said , I went into this with absolutely no expectations and I 'm leaving it feeling absolutely nothing . This movie was not bad , it just did nothing for me . I don 't necessarily think it was lacking anywhere specifically , it was just that with all the components together , something was missing . The positives are that Christian Bale is amazing . He brought a lot of life to his character and I did start to tear up a little in the scene where he talks to his ex ( Zoe Saldana ) for the first time after being released from prison . I also have never seen a movie where Woody Harrelson plays a really nasty , bad - ass dude , so that was refreshing . It was nominated for some awards , so people obviously liked it . I don 't feel like I 'll never get those two hours back that I spent watching it , so you might enjoy it . It just wasn 't my cup of tea . Garbage Plate Posted on September 30 , 2014 by Leah Hatcher Hi everyone ! I 'm excited to share my reflections on this weekend 's dinner and a movie with you , but this weekend was a really busy one and I didn 't have any good ideas about what to make or what to watch . I didn 't want to let you all down , though , so this weekend consisted of what I would like to call a " garbage plate " since there was no rhyme or reason for it . A random meal that has nothing to do with the random movie of my choice . I made tacos , using a new method that a friend of mine uses and watched David Russell 's 2012 movie , Silver Linings Playbook . Here 's how it went : I have a guilty pleasure , and that is Jack in the Box tacos . They really don 't get much better . They 're deep fried , cheesy , don 't fall apart on you and you can buy 2 for $ 1 . However , I have no idea what kind of garbage goes into them and I always regret my decision after , but I have friend who just so happens to make tacos using a method similar to Jack in the Box . Here 's what you need : Heat your oil in a pan . Take a small ball of the raw meat and press it into a thin half moon - shaped patty and press it to one side of your corn tortilla . From there season the meat with some salt and pepper . Take your tortilla and drop the half that has the meat on it down into the hot oil first ( meat side up ) and allow the meat to get a head start on cooking before you fold the other half over onto the meat . Flip over a few times allowing the meat to brown and the tortilla to crisp up on both sides . This takes about 3 minutes . No special guests this week , just me and The Boyfriend . We both liked them a lot , but they definitely need more than just a pinch of salt and pepper . The meat was bland and salsa was my best friend . That 's an easy fix though , next time I can add some cumin and chili powder to give it more of a Mexican kick . Also , they were extremely greasy . With every bite I took , grease gushed out of it . I asked my friend afterward , though , and apparently she sets them upside down to cool so that the grease can drain out of them . I 'll have to give that a try next time . Other than that , I loved it . It was a pretty easy process , I would just suggest getting all of your tortillas set up with the meat before you start frying to avoid contamination of raw meat , and definitely figure out how many you want to make to start off with . I knew I wasn 't going to use a whole pound , so it was nice to prepare what I needed and toss the rest aside for the next time I decide to make them . Thank you , Cheyanne for this recipe ! Silver Linings Playbook is a comedy - drama about overcoming mental illness ( better yet , obstacles that come with mental illness ) above all . Pat ( Bradley Cooper ) is the main character who has just been discharged from a mental institution in Baltimore , and goes to live with his parents ( Robert De Niro and Jacki Weaver ) because he is no longer welcome to stay with his wife , who has filed a restraining order against him . This movie showcases his struggles with reality and emotions while introducing the flaws of all the surrounding characters , showing that everyone is a little crazy . He meets a widow named Tiffany ( Jennifer Lawrence ) who has overcome her own obstacles after the loss of her husband , and they form a friendship or partnership that 's based on each of their selfish needs . The partnership leads to an amazing and positive bond that both characters desperately needed . Oh . My . Goodness . I knew this movie won an Oscar , but I obviously put off watching it up until now . What a stupid thing to do , I loved this movie . Every part of it . It 's hysterical , it 's heartwarming , it has an actual ending to it and a happy one at that ( it seems like so many movies try to either just end openly or end with the worst possible outcome these days ) . I don 't have much criticism for it , really . I guess the only thing that I didn 't like was that some of the dialogue escalated really quickly . One scene in particular was the scene where Pat sees his brother for the first time since he was admitted into the institution . Their dialogue seemed natural for the most part , but it was kind of jumpy and quick . I didn 't really buy that this is how their very first talk would go after Pat getting out . But then I look at the entire family and see how they are caring but not totally understanding of Pat 's mental state , so they don 't always act in ways that are supportive . I loved slowly finding the flaws in everybody . His father is an obsessive compulsive bookie , and Tiffany is an undiagnosed recovering sex addict . His friend 's marriage is close to being in shambles , and yet Pat is the crazy one . I had absolutely no expectations going into this movie . I guess my one expectation was that it would be good , and I ended up loving everything about this movie ! I would definitely watch it again and again . Great actors , great soundtrack , great writing ! I was also pleased with the directing . A lot of unique shots throughout the movie . It definitely deserves the Oscar that it won . Sick Boy Scotch Eggs AKA " This is your brain on drugs " Scotch Eggs Posted on September 23 , 2014 by Leah Hatcher Hello all ! This weekend 's dinner and a movie pick was Danny Boyle 's 1996 movie , Trainspotting , paired with Scotch eggs . I 've been wanting to do this meal for a while , thanks to Anthony Bourdain 's No Reservations and Mind of a Chef . It 's sausage wrapped around a boiled egg , breaded and fried ! I mean , if that doesn 't sound delectable , then I don 't know what does . So , because I was so dead set on this dish , I had to turn to my friends for help regarding movies with Scottish elements in them . After a few days of going back and forth with certain movies , I reluctantly went with Trainspotting because it contains all Scottish actors and is set in none other than Scotland , so it was just too perfect . I say that I reluctantly chose this movie , however , because all I had ever heard about it was just bad , bad , horrific things . We will get to all that later though . Let 's talk about food ! So , I found this recipe here , and pretty much followed it exactly . I 'm still eating gluten - free , so I made bread crumbs out of Chex rice cereal , and instead of using flour I used cornmeal . Now , if you really have a gluten allergy , unlike me , then just use gluten - free flour . The cornmeal that I bought , along with all the other packages of cornmeal at the store had that big disheartening warning about it being processes in a plant that also processes wheat . . etc . So just save yourself the trouble . Also the original recipe is just for four eggs , but I wanted to make eight , so I double the recipe except for the breadcrumb seasoning . Here 's what you 'll need : Season your sausage with the cayenne and salt , mix well . The recipe has specific instructions for how to wrap your eggs , but I honestly just grabbed a handful of sausage and started covering my eggs with it . Be careful to not get the sausage around the egg too thick , because you want to make sure it will be able to cook through . From there , dredge the sausage - wrapped egg in cornmeal , dip in egg and then coat well with your breadcrumbs . I also did not set mine in the refrigerator , I was very hungry , so I just threw them in my pan with heated vegetable oil two at a time . It doesn 't take long for them to get crispy in the pan , but the sausage was still not done , so I set them in a pan with parchment paper on it and gave them about 10 minutes in the oven set at 350 until they were nice and golden . Some of the bigger ones STILL weren 't done after that , so I left them on the pan to cool with some paper towels over them to trap the heat and the steam helped finish the cooking . Now , you 're ready to serve them up ! They were amazing ! As good as I had imagined them to be , and The Boyfriend and this weekend 's guest , Levi , agreed . Two big things that I would change , but didn 't ruin them : first , too much salt ! I think you could probably skip salting the already salty sausage and leave out the extra tablespoon of salt to the breadcrumb mixture . Like I said , it didn 't ruin it , but you definitely need a drink while you eat . Second : according to renowned English chef , Jamie Oliver , a proper Scotch Egg should be runny in the center , and mine were hard - boiled . I initially was going for a soft - boiled egg , but I guess I should have practiced this , because it did not go well . With the short amount of time that my eggs boiled , plus the not - so - cold water that I transferred them to in order to shock them and stop the cooking process ( didn 't work , must actually be cold ) , left me with really hard to peel eggs . We lost one completely , and the others were just ugly . I definitely want to try a soft - boil next time , but the breadcrumb coating , other than the added salt , was fantastic . Emeril Laggase knows what he 's doing . Also , I thoroughly intended to make mashed potatoes with this dish , but my hunger got the best of me , along with a messy kitchen which is often the product of deep frying . The eggs were extremely filling , almost heavy , so in the end I feel like a side wasn 't needed . Next time , instead of frying I may bake them on a rack that will allow the grease to drip , because they packed in a lot of grease , and possibly make a side for them . Traditionally , they are eaten for breakfast or brunch by themselves or as a lunch with cheeses , fruits and condiments - so a side isn 't really important . All in all , I was really pleased with them ! Trainspotting is a comedy - drama about a group of friends that are addicted to heroin and deeply into the party scene in the late 80s in Edinburgh , Scotland . The movie mainly focuses around Renton ( Ewan McGregor ) and his efforts to clean up his life . It showcases Renton and his friends and how they function in society as they spiral down with their addiction dealing with poverty , death , arrest , the HIV epidemic and getting clean . Like I said earlier , I was reluctant to choose this movie . All I knew to expect was heroin addiction and a scene with a dead baby . I was told that it was a lot like Requiem for a Dream , which didn 't affect me in a terrible way , but it is downright depressing . Anyway , I was so incredibly pleased with how this movie turned out ! Above all , it is funny ! Really funny . I felt like the first 45 minutes of the movie delivered nothing but laughs . You get to know the characters and how ridiculous they are and the ridiculous misfortunes that happen to them . I was totally enjoying myself during the first half , specifically during Spud 's interview scene and the scene of everyone 's excursion of sexual encounters , including the morning after . Soon after , the spiraling down starts . Tommy begins using heroin with the group after getting dumped by his girlfriend , and then we are led into the dead baby scene , followed by Spud ( Ewen Bremner ) getting arrested for stealing and going to prison . Finally Renton goes to his dealer 's place and overdoses which leads to him quitting once and for all , pushed mostly by his parents . The whole sequence of events is sad and slightly depressing , but the final straw which is Renton 's overdose and withdrawal period is slightly entertaining , whilst being disturbing . Finally , Renton is clean and disassociates from his friends and gets a job . One by one his friends come back into his life and the idea for a big drug deal is revealed near the end . Begbie ( Robert Carlyle ) , Sick Boy ( Johnny Lee Miller ) and Spud all want to use Renton for his money in savings in order to buy drugs and sell them in London for $ 20 , 000 . Renton must test the heroin , a scary and disheartening thing for me to watch since I felt invested in his character getting clean and staying clean . The deal ends up getting the 4 of them only $ 16 , 000 and the movie ends with Renton leaving town with all of the money , leaving a small chunk for Spud , the only friend he really trusted , and ends with him finally having the chance to make his life worthwhile now that he has the money to do it . Quite a happy ending if you ask me . The only thing that I didn 't like about this movie , was the fact that I needed a translator for the majority of their conversations . Especially Robert Carlyle . I couldn 't make sense of anything he said . I really felt invested in the characters and found them all to be likable in their own ways , obviously some more likable than others . Because I became invested though , I found myself stressed out about the direction of the movie at times . Other than that , it was a simple premise , done really well . I don 't know that it 's a movie I would watch over again , but it really exceeded my expectations in a good way ! Gecko Brothers ' Green Chile Sour Cream Enchiladas Posted on September 16 , 2014 by Leah Hatcher Alright folks , here 's the first official post for this blog . If you can 't tell already , the movie I decided to watch this weekend was Robert Rodriguez 's 1996 movie , " From Dusk Till Dawn " . To go with this movie , and that the majority of it takes place in Mexico , I decided on Spinach Artichoke Enchiladas with a Green Chile Sour Cream Sauce . I recently started a gluten free diet , so this meal was completely gluten free . And , if you just swap out the chicken broth for vegetable broth , you 'll have a vegetarian dish as well ! Ok , let 's just get right to it ! I followed the directions for the vegetables exactly like the recipe in the link , and then set them aside . Because I knew these were going to be pretty heavy with cheese already , I skipped out on the ricotta , and added the monterey jack in the later steps . At this point , I focused on my sauce . Here 's what you 'll need : Now , I 'm currently doing a gluten free diet , so instead of flour , I used corn starch . This can be tricky , because with corn starch you should never add it directly into what you 're cooking . Instead you need to make a slurry first by mixing it with cold water . Also , with corn starch , you use about half the amount that you would flour , so I mixed an 1 / 8 of a cup of cornstarch with cold water and added it in place of the flour . That being said here 's what you do : Melt the butter in a medium sauce pan , stir in the flour ( or corn starch slurry , if that 's the route you choose ) and cook for 1 minute . Add the broth and whisk it in until there are no more clumps . Cook over medium heat , the broth mixture will come to a boil , allow it to thicken . When it is thick and bubbling , add the package of cream cheese . Whisk it in until the cream cheese is melted and smooth . Add your green chiles and sour cream and cook until everything is incorporated in and smooth . Now we get to the easy part . I 'm not a fan of rolled enchiladas . At a restaurant , sure . Doing it myself , I just don 't have the patience for that , so these are stacked enchiladas . Set your oven to 350 and grab the rest of your ingredients . Here 's what else you 'll need : I don 't like to grease my pan for enchiladas , instead I just ladle some of the sauce into the bottom of the pan . From there , I layered the bottom of the pan with corn tortillas , on top of that I added the vegetable mixture , top that with shredded cheese and ladle on more of your sauce . Repeat with the corn tortillas , veggies , cheese and sauce until all of the filling has been used ( for me , I was able to get 3 layers out of it ) . You will finish by stacking more corn tortillas , pouring the rest of your sauce over the pan , and sprinkling the rest of your cheese on top . Pop it in the over for 10 - 15 minutes , just long enough for everything to get melty and bubbly and a slight golden crisp on the edges . And then you 're done ! Makes about 12 servings . The boyfriend and our friend , Kevin , both enjoyed the meal . The one thing that we all agreed on , was that the sauce really took center stage and everything else was just added texture . That being said , I want to make this again , but I would like to add more veggies to it . I had absolutely no idea that mushrooms shrink up when you cook them , so I would start by adding more of those . Maybe another half a package of spinach too , and those darn artichokes just got completely washed out , so definitely more of those . Adding simple seasonings like salt and pepper to the veggies . Also , maybe ricotta would have made a difference . All in all though , I was pleased with it . The sour cream sauce is absolutely delicious , so it wasn 't a terrible thing that that was all one could taste . From Dusk Till Dawn is about a couple of bank robbing brothers , Seth and Richie Gecko , who are trying to make their way through Texas down to Mexico to drop off their money with a contact named Carlos in exchange for refuge in El Rey . Seth ( George Clooney ) has his head on straight , and runs the show for the most part while dealing with his brother , Richie 's ( Quentin Tarantino ) psychopathic and serial - rapist tendencies . As they travel through Texas , the death toll they leave behind them rises . They seek refuge in a motel before the last stretch of their journey , and see the Fuller family traveling in an RV ; Jacob Fuller ( Harvey Keitel ) , a former minister who 's lost his faith after recently losing his wife , and his teenagers , Kate and Scott . The brothers take the family hostage in order to get across the border and make it to their final destination , an all night strip club / bar called " The Titty Twister " , when things take a turn for the worse . All the patrons of the bar start turning into bloodthirsty , serpentine - looking vampires . Now everyone must band together in order to make it through the night . I thought this was a really fun movie . The first scene is really high - energy and sets a great mood for the rest of the movie . I love the choice for the quick camera cuts during the convenient store shoot - out . Then we get to the motel and get some real insight of what kind of a guy Richie is . Tarantino as Richie , is honestly hilarious . He is extremely creepy , so it 's very believable that he 's a psycho and a rapist , and yet he still has an innocent and almost likable charm about him . I have to give it to Clooney as Seth , because I don 't think I 've ever seen him play such a bad guy before . Seth was just recently broken out of jail before the brothers started on their rampage , so he 's extremely hardened and the only thing he cares about in this movie is his brother and the end game . He doesn 't show a lick of charm until maybe the last five minutes of the movie . There 's a scene in the motel after Richie rapes and kills the bank teller that they took hostage and brought with them . Although the reveal of her dead body was meant to and does to some extent add intensity , I 'm not a huge fan of how Rodriguez decided to do extremely quick cuts to show it . I 've seen better representations of this particular concept done . To me , for a violent and bloody movie , it seemed rather toned down , also muddled and hard to see . I don 't have a whole lot to say about the Fuller family . I like the wholesomeness of them with randomly dropped F - bombs . I love the scene when they first get to the bar and share a bottle of whiskey together , it 's a nice revelation for the direction of the characters also allowing for some pretty funny moments . Once the patrons start turning , I really liked that the concept of vampires wasn 't foreign to the characters in this movie . I 've seen so many movies , that reference pop culture , but when it comes to creatures / monsters that most everyone has seen a movie about a time or two in their lives - they have no idea what they 're dealing with ! Thankfully , this group of people was smart courtesy of patjacksonpodium . blogspot . com About This Blog Foodies at the Movies was created so that I could share my passion for food and film with anyone who cares to read . I claim to be a movie buff , and yet , I somehow have missed seeing a lot of good movies in my years , so that 's what I 'm doing now ! Each week , I 'll watch a different movie that I 've never seen and cook a dish that I 've never made before . But that 's not all , I critique both the movie AND the food ! I also try to be creative and tie the movie and dish together in some way or another . Anyway , I hope you like it , and comments and follows are always appreciated ! Enjoy the show !
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This painting is of the Roudenbush Community Center which sits in Westford Center . The building , built in 1897 , has tremendous character with its complicated roof and tall steeple . I have fond memories of taking both my daughter and later my son to attend preschool classes here . At that time , Roudenbush was one of the few preschool options in town . Folks would line up in the early dawn hours to be the first line to sign up their child . I can remember meeting a friend at something like 5 : 30 a . m . , bundled in winter clothes , equipped with lawn chairs , blankets , and a hot thermos of tea . As the crowd gathered , it usually turned into a fun party with folks sharing hot coffee and donuts while we watched the sunrise and waited for the doors to open . Posted by While working along , I carefully painted in the flag not really thinking about where it was attached ( and kind of assuming it was attached to the yellow house ) . I realized , much to my dismay , that the flag is actually attached to the pole ( which I had no intention of including ) ! This is one of the hazards of painting from photos . . . you simply see a flattened version of a scene and the connection / placement / distance , etc . between objects can get confusing . In the end , I decided that I really like the pole as it creates more depth . What do you think ? Posted by This is a painting of Westford 's town hall . She recently received the most beautiful coat of grey - blue paint with an off - white trim . The building was previously all white and I didn 't realize how the darker paint color could make the architectural details stand out so beautifully . I just love the harmony of the colors in this painting - - it feels very happy to me . I recently had a nice experience where someone found one of my paintings by using Yahoo 's image search . They were specifically looking for a painting of blueberries and came across my " Blueberry Blues . " She contacted me and was thrilled that it was still available . I just shipped it off to New York City to its new home . . . very cool ! I was attracted to this scene by the beautiful golden grasses which contrast so nicely with the deep blue / green ocean water . There was a gusty breeze and I was afraid that my easel would tip over if stood to paint ( which I prefer ) . So , I decided to paint sitting down . After about 45 minutes of sitting on a cold , hard rock , I was more than ready to stand up , stretch my legs and finish the painting from a standing position . Considering that this completely changed my vantage point , it was a challenge to finish the painting as I had to keep crouching down . The good news was that the wind had died down somewhat and my easel never went flying . I finished this commission several weeks ago but had to wait for the birthday boy ( also known as ' Pool Boy ' ) to get it . The best thing about this house is the beautifully landscaped backyard with an in - ground pool . I 've been fortunate enough to spend a few toasty summer afternoons floating around in it . Pool Boy works hard to keep it crystal clear . Before I started painting , I took a pile of reference photos of the house at different angles and different lighting conditions . I narrowed the choices down to three and let the owner decide . As with many of my paintings , I started with a wash of pink underneath and let a bit of it peek through here and there . Apparently , Pool Boy was very happy with his birthday gift . Posted by I set these apples up by the window . I like the " slices of white " between the apples which create interesting shapes on the windowsill . I tried to capture the subtle shades of deep red to light pink as the apple is illuminated by the light . I spent last Thursday with two college friends to celebrate my birthday . We wondered why we are still friends as we have absolutely nothing in common . We do make each other laugh and have a long history together so that must be the glue that bonds us . We had lunch at a charming country store and fortunately it was a beautiful day so they indulged me for a bit while I painted and they took a walk . All in all , it was great day with lots of laughs . I painted quickly as I didn 't want to keep my buddies waiting too long . I first painted in the sky and the water below and then filled in the landscape moving from background to foreground . I tried not to fuss and to keep everything very loose . This painting is available for $ 50 . You can purchase it at the Art on Main gallery , or , directly from me by clicking the Buy Now button below . The big onion looks like he 's trying to round up the 3 little ones hence the title , " Gather ' Round . " I bought these cute little red onions at the Farmers Market last week . I was getting quizzical looks from the vendor as I examined the onions carefully , turning them over , etc . I finally explained that I was more interested in painting them than eating them . In my composition , I originally had the three onions across the top and thought the shadows would be interesting enough for the bottom half of the canvas . When I finished , I realized that it needed something else so I added the fourth onion . As always , I tried to vary the placement , the color and the shape of each onion for the strongest composition . I 'm pleased to announce my second annual desk calendar for 2011 ! Each month features a different painting that I created in the past year . The calendar comes packaged in a CD - like case that opens to display each month : These make great holiday gifts . If you live in the Westford , MA area , you can pick them up at Art on Main . Or , you can purchase them here . . . . . . the cost is $ 20 plus $ 3 shipping . . . Posted by I painted this by first covering my canvas with a light wash of burnt umber ( a rich brown color ) . While the canvas was still damp , I began to paint and the brown color mixed with each color I added . When I finished , I realized that the cloth napkin was a bit too dark so after the painting was fairly dry , I added a wash of light yellow to several areas to lighten it up . This painting has a bit of sentimental value as the cloth napkin belonged to my grandmother , Lillian . I 'm just glad I didn 't get any paint on it ! This painting is available for $ 50 . If you 're interested , contact me at LaurieGMiller @ gmail . com . Posted by We did several different painting exercises throughout the workshop . For this painting , we were supposed to pick up a slightly different color from our palette after each brush stroke . I like this funky color combination of the deep purple plums , the pinkish cloth and the bits of green . I spotted this vista in Groton , MA when I was scouting for something interesting to paint . I loved the scrambled rows of bright orange pumpkins . This painting is a good lesson in perspective . To get the feeling of distance , I had to make the distant row of trees quite small - they are less than an inch high . You 'll also notice how the pumpkins get progressively larger from background to foreground . It was a lovely summer day to paint outside for a couple hours . The experience would have been perfect if it hadn 't been for the little bug that crawled under my sandal strap and bit my foot . Oh well , that is just one of the hazards of plein air painting . This landscape was painted a week or two ago at my favorite cranberry bog in Carlisle , MA . I used some artistic license to punch up the color of the purples and greens to add a bit more interest . Landscapes are really challenging as you have so much information in front of you and need to figure out what details to capture and what to simply leave out … a real balancing act for sure . For those who live in the area , be sure to stop by Art on Main on Thursday , Sept . 2 from 5 - 8 p . m . We 're having our monthly " Wine and Nibbles " open house . Bob Frank , a wonderful watercolorist , is our featured guest artist for the month of September . I started this painting in Kennebunkport , ME while on vacation a few weeks ago . It was my second painting that day so I ran out of steam about halfway . . . the lure of the beach was too strong . So , while gallery sitting at Art on Main today , I finished up using a reference photo and some good , old - fashioned imagination . Posted by To start , I coated the canvas with a wash of orange . I specifically chose orange since the painting was primarily blue . As complementary colors , those bits of orange really make the blue glow . Last week I vacationed in Kennebunkport , Maine with my family . We enjoyed a few lazy days of hanging at the beach , reading , skipping stones , combing the beach for interesting rocks and sea glass , playing games , and fishing . I was able to get in a few hours of plein air painting in a shady spot overlooking this grassy field that leads to the beach . I 'm quite pleased with the outcome and love how the initial wash of pink over the canvas still shines through and helps to unify the painting . I recently finished painting this house portrait of 8 Shipley Circle , Westford , MA . Apparently , the family who owns this house is moving to Bermuda for a couple years and their house is up for sale . A group of friends are giving this painting as a farewell gift to the family . I hope it brings back fond memories of their time living in Westford . This is the view that welcomes me as I get off the highway and head up Boston Road to the center of Westford . Whenever I see the Museum 's cupola , I know I 'm almost home . I had a request to show a painting in progress so I took some pictures along the way . First , I put a light wash of Alizarin Crimson over the canvas but lift off the color to leave the sky area a very light pint color . I then sketch in my guidelines using a wash of Yellow Ochre . I transfer the image from my reference photo using a grid method - I had divided my canvas into nine squares and you can see my guidelines below . Next , I start working on the reddish tree on the left . I 'm careful to leave some open areas so that the trees don 't become solid masses of color . ( I had a painting instructor that said the birds need space to fly through ) . I wasn 't happy with the dome shape of the green tree so I add more leaves on either side to modify the shape . I then start working on the cupola . I continue to work forward as I paint in the house on the left and a large bush in the foreground . I also lay in the roof of the house on the right . At this point , the house in the foreground is all that is left . Below is the finished painting once again . I 've lightened the left center panel of the cupola as I realized it was too dark . I also changed the shape of the reddish tree on the left to make it more pleasing . I continue to make minor modifications to some shapes and values . Finally , when I 'm happy , I paint in my signature and put down my brush . Sometimes , it is hard to know when you are finished ! I needed some serious motivation to clean my house so I invited a few friends over . ( Oh , and I also thought it might be fun ) . In any case , my friend Pat arrived with these beautiful hydrangeas that she had cut from her yard . Since I don 't own a vase , we ended up putting them in a plastic container for holding scraps for the compost pile . Well , that wouldn 't have made a very nice painting so I found a clear plastic tube that held bungee cords . ( I just love bungee cords ) . I had to cut it down a bit as it was too tall but now it makes a rather nice vase . I feel fortunate to live in a town with a nice library . I snapped a few photos one sunny Sunday afternoon and was inspired to paint this Westford landmark : the J . V . Fletcher library . I debated a long time about whether or not to include the parked car . I could have easily eliminated it but considering that there are almost always cars parked in front , I figured it was fitting to leave it in . This Saturday , I 'll be participating in the Strawberry n ' Arts Festival on the Westford common as the Art on Main gallery is having a booth . If you live in the Westford area , be sure to stop by the festival . It is a great event with live music , many artisans , food vendors and , of course , Strawberry shortcake . This is a painting of " Long Sought for Pond " , a really dopey name if you ask me . I guess someone was looking for it for a very long time and finally found it . It is actually more of a lake than a pond ( does anyone know the difference ? ) and is popular spot for swimming , fishing and boating . I stood on the banks and painted for a couple of delightful hours . Just before heading to Art on Main for my weekly shift at the gallery , I rummaged through my refrigerator for something to paint . The cupboard was pretty bare but I managed to find these blueberries . I set them up on a small white plate next to the window . Two of the blueberries still have a small stem so I flipped them over , stem - side up , to add a bit of interest . I guess it isn 't quite blueberry season yet as these little guys didn 't taste like much of anything . I enjoyed painting " Bug " so much that I decided to paint a 2nd version from a different angle . The composition on this one was tough . If I had included the entire car , there would have been a significant amount of " negative " space on the canvas - the space above and below the car . I played with different configurations and decided this was my favorite option - simply cut off the back end . This painting is available for $ 50 at Art on Main or by contacting me directly at LaurieGMiller @ gmail . com . Posted by Vintage VW bugs make me smile every time I see them . Growing up , my Aunt Rachel had a black VW bug . When I was about 7 or 8 , my cousin Debbie drove me , my sisters and my cousin Shelley to an ice cream parlor in Manchester , CT that was famous for making huge ice cream sundaes with 10 or 12 scoops of ice cream . We sat around a small marble table with long spoons in hand and ate until we could eat no more . It was a long drive home for cousin Shelley who hung her head out the window to keep the car interior clean . I set up my easel and started this painting at " Wine and Nibbles " - the monthly open house at Art on Main . My canvas was originally covered in a a wash of Cadmium Red which I allowed to peek through . Strawberries are a lot harder to paint that you 'd think . At one point , Marie , the shop owner from next door , took a look at my canvas and said , " It looks like a shoe . . . you need to fix that . " Damn that Marie . but she was right . I had painted a big red shoe . When the painting was finally finished , Marie gave her coveted " seal of approval . " Last Saturday was a near perfect day for plein air painting . I set up my easel near the Courier Corporation in Westford where a creek runs along the entrance . The trees are budding and don 't yet have strong color . I just enjoyed playing with the colors and interpreting the scene in front of me without getting too hung up on details . Posted by When dropping some books off at the library , I noticed the morning light shining on the First Parish Church and snapped a couple photos . As usual , I printed two copies of my reference photos : one in color and one in black & white . In the color photo , the shadow side of the building appeared to be almost exactly the same value as the sky . However , in my black & white photo , the building was actually a few shades darker . Having that black & white reference is very helpful as it is often difficult to determine the subtle value changes in a color reference . For those who live in the Westford area , drop by Art on Main on Thursday , May 6 from 5 - 8 p . m . for our monthly " Wine and Nibbles " . This month , in honor of spring , the theme is " blooms " . It 's a fun party with food , wine , and new art to check out . Marie 's shop , Le Gourmet Jardin , will also be open . This kitty , whose name is " Moo " , used to hide in my garden under the daylilies and hostas . He really has the most amazing green eyes . The painting is available for $ 150 … contact me if you 're interested … LaurieGMiller @ gmail . comThe painting is actually for the next " Wine and Nibbles " at Art on Main on Thursday , May 6 from 5 - 8 p . m . The theme is " Blooms " … stop by and join the party . One other item of note : My buddy , Sue Haley , is having a solo show at the Parish Center for the Arts called " France - A journey of the heart , soul and spirit " . The opening reception is Friday , April 30 from 7 - 9 : 30 p . m . and the show runs through the month of May . . . don 't miss it ! I painted this scene in Carlisle , MA , the next town over from where I live . About half way through my painting session , I heard a distant drum beat … a slow , repetition of boom … boom … boom . Suddenly , the cows looked up , turned , and started trotting towards the barn . Apparently , that drum beat is the signal for the cows to come home . The whole experience made me smile : ) Whenever I 'm in Boston , I always look for the Citgo sign which is located in the Back Bay area and overlooks Fenway Park . Some years back , Citgo was going to tear down their weather - beaten sign . However , they were met with tremendous resistance from Bostonians who have great affection for this landmark . This painting is based on a photo that I snapped while caught in traffic on Storrow Drive . The red tail lights create a line that moves your eye into the lower right corner of the canvas . This balances nicely with the red Citgo sign in the upper left . To get the composition that I wanted , I used Photoshop to modify my reference photo and moved the sign ( along with some buildings ) further to the right . Posted by When looking for stuff to paint , I prefer to use natural light from a window instead of setting up a still life illuminated by a lamp . However , natural light changes quickly so you have very limited time to capture highlights and shadows before they change . As a result , I usually photograph my subject right away . I painted this during my gallery sitting time at Art on Main , so , before going to the gallery , I set up this arrangement at home , took a photograph , and then brought everything with me . Having the actual Clementine sections with me was extremely helpful in trying to capture the original feeling of the set up . They also became my snack at the end of the day : ) I enjoyed the previous grapefruit painting so much that I decided to tackle the same subject from a slightly different angle . This time , instead of blue , I toned my canvas with a wash of red . The end result is quite different with a much softer and " warmer " glow . The spoon was a challenge from that angle and I 'm pretty pleased with the end result . This is actually my 2nd attempt painting this set up . In my first try , I made the spoon too small . When I stood back , it seemed funky and out of proportion . That was actually a good reminder to periodically step back when I 'm painting . It is amazing how I can be merrily painting along and things seem to be going well . Then , I 'll cross the room to look from a distance and something will immediately jump out at me that is definitely out of kilter ! Posted by I 've painted cupcakes before and will probably paint them again . They are very cute and lovable ( and usually taste damn good too ! ) . In honor of Valentine 's Day , I picked a pink frosted beauty with red and white sprinkles . I wanted this painting to be fun , funky and festive so I used bright colors and just let the paints fly . This painting is available for $ 50 and will hang at Art on Main . It can also be purchased directly by contacting me . 6 . 25 % sales tax applies to MA residents . Shipping is $ 8 . Posted by I have Marie to thank for the title of this one . Marie 's shop , Le Gourmet Jardin , is connected to Art on Main . I always bring my paints and use my gallery sitting time to work on a painting . Marie wandered down the hall and asked if I had already thought of a title . When I said no , she told me she had the perfect title and I agree ! Saturday was a gorgeous , sunny , winter day . I gathered up my painting stuff and headed out to find an interesting spot . I decided to head to Forge Pond and spotted this stream which leads down to the beach . I was very happy to sit in my car and paint although it was a little cramped having my canvas up against the steering wheel . I probably should have moved to the passenger seat but I was too lazy to move and just wanted to get the paints flowing . It felt really good to be painting " en plein air " once again . Posted by This painting is unusual in that I actually thought of the title before I started painting . I lined up these cherries on the windowsill . I put the two smaller ones touching with their stems crossed and the larger one " looking " over them . The title just seems like a natural fit ! I tried to keep this painting very loose and expressive and not get bogged down with too many details . Painting makes me happy - - it 's as simple as that . There is something magical about putting smudges of paint on a blank canvas to create something so unique and personal . My paintings are available here as well as at the Artists Corner and Gallery in West Acton , MA . I update this blog once or twice a week . To automatically receive these updates , put your email address in the " Email Subscription Box " above .
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Today , I intended to do hearty and useful jobs in the garden , using my New Tools . However , it has rained and in any case I fell asleep . I woke up to find Tilly lying still with an uncomfortable expression on her face ; she was relieved that I moved as it meant she could . She is a polite little dog and did not wish to disturb me . I didn 't mention , yesterday , that I spent some time last night , with a certain déja vu , making holly wreaths again . A late order . Someone who has been in hospital and is now just well enough to go out and about and wishes to place Christmas wreaths on his parents ' and late wife 's graves . Well , what can you say . Naturally , Al said " Yes " and then tentatively asked his father if he thought that Mum would mind … When Mum heard that the gentleman concerned is Gordon , best known locally for feeding the poultry at the famous roundabout , she agreed with quite good grace . I 'm afraid that the song is not quite up to the quality of Jonny B 's Post Office one but , on the other hand , the campaign to keep the chooks worked ; they were decided not to be a traffic hazard and are still there . The number of hens fluctuates , but is certainly exceeded by that of cocks . I wonder what to cook for dinner . I have beetroot . It might be risotto . Beetroot , although good , is not my very favourite risotto , but is worth making for the startling colour , as well as the frisson of nervousness the next morning when you wonder what has gone wrong with your insides . I 'm not back there yet . Largely because of the lengthy afternoon naps I have , which may last anything up to an hour and which are making Tilly very happy because we are having Quality Time stretched out on the sofa under a blanket together . I am awake in the mornings and evenings however , and today we went to a Special Party . This is held annually to celebrate the birthday of Lord Bruin , who has been her constant companion since her first Christmas , 90 years ago . It is always a splendid party . She is an artist , she lives in about the most beautiful setting you could imagine , in an old water mill . Her studio is on the top floor from which she has wonderful views of the Waveney Valley . The real guests are the bears but one is invited to accompany them ; they have their own party upstairs , with competitions . Ro 's bear Edboes won the Most Loved Bear prize a few years ago . The rest of us have delicious food and lots to drink downstairs , except for the awarding of the prizes . You think I 'm making this up ? I swear I 'm not . It is all true . She invites all her friends including all the people whom she knows and who help her , such as her local butcher , greengrocer ( Al ) , windowcleaner , gardener etc . Al couldn 't go as the shop was open , but Dilly , the children , the Sage and I went . Squiffany behaved beautifully , chatting politely to people ( mainly to introduce her brother and her teddy bear , whom she thought a little young to go upstairs ) . Afterwards , I popped in to the shop for some veggies . Al was looking a bit tired . " It 's been frantic " he said , " like the week before Christmas . I didn 't think I 'd be very busy . " My present , which so excited me , was - were - a splendid folding pruning saw ( 600 , on the left ) with a vicious blade and matching secateurs for small hands furthermore , which I thought was a particularly nice touch . My sister , hearing me enthuse , said that she would not have welcomed such a practical and outdoorsy gift . Of course , this is the point - if you are going to give a useful gift , it has to be absolutely spot - on or it is dull at best , insulting at worst . " He didn 't blunt the edges " observed Ro . " He must think you are growing up . " And indeed , he has been known to remove new knives from my bloody fingers and dull the blade because he can 't bear the sight any longer . The other present , with which I was also just too thrilled , was half of a pair of L * w * s * o * t cutlery ; that is , a fork . He bought the knife for himself . Now , do not think for one moment that this was a selfish act of retention , it was more significant than any eternity ring - it was a Sign . " We can never split up now " I said . " We can 't divide the knife and fork after 240 years . " I should perhaps explain , by the way , that the handles are made from L 't porcelain and the blade and prongs from steel . They were made about 1765 , which is fairly early in the life of the factory . They are not undamaged and have been repaired , but we don 't care at all about this as they are very rare and lovely . My sister went home today and El and Phil left to visit his parents . So it will be quiet here tonight . Except from my usual carousing , of course . I squealed with surprised delight . The Sage had got it so right . He had chosen a perfect present and given me no clue . Then he gave me another parcel . I squeaked higher and louder with renewed excitement . Glasses shattered . Children cowered in the corner , hands over their ears . The dog howled , bats rose , flapping , from the eaves and mice crawled from their holes , paws risen in supplication and surrender . This evening , we were making coffee . He added milk to my sister 's mug and waved the bottle in my direction . " Do you take milk ? " he asked . I called on a friend to wish him a happy Christmas . I gave him a hug . " Whoo , have you missed me ? " he asked , as I leaned and didn 't let go for a while . Yes , I had , he 's a sweetheart and I hadn 't seen him for some time , but he was also very nice and comfortable to lean on . It was 9 in the morning , 5 hours after starting work . Al got a bit frantic at one point during the afternoon as it was extremely busy , not helped by me disappearing for a while in an unscheduled sort of way . We caught up eventually and he put in his order before 5 o ' clock - hoping that there will , in fact , be a delivery tomorrow . Back at 6 tomorrow morning , and I hope that by 4 pm I 'll be ready to leave to get ready for the carol service at 6 . I have not practised the clarinet , which is a bit of a shame as I am accompanying the pre - carol service carol singing for half an hour - it 's not the notes I 'm worried about getting wrong , but that my lip muscles will be tired and wobbly by the end of it , and since there was a bright idea of me leading two carols during the service too ( as being more appropriate than the organ for ' Silent Night ' and ' Away in a Manger ' ) , I want enough puff and embouchure to take me through that without inappropriate dribbling . Too late now to be any use , however . It 'll be fine . The worst thing that 'll happen is that I 'll look a fool and that is a given fact at the best of times . Oh , and baby Jesus from the church crib suddenly turned up , a year after being discovered to be missing . He is a very naughty boy . I must remember to take a photo of the other crib , which is fabulous . The children from the village school made it last year from papier maché . Everyone has fabulous pop eyes and we can 't tell which animal is which . Last year , we turned the altar into a stable , which was most effective , and this year they are positioned at the back and the nice old plaster crib is at the front of the church , with Jesus about to be reinstated . Last year he was replaced by a Plasticene understudy . Kenny , our 87 - year - old gardener , who doesn 't actually garden any longer but just comes round on a Friday for old time 's sake , came in for a cup of coffee this morning , so I didn 't get the presents wrapped . No matter , plenty of time . I was back at the shop by noon and have just got home . Al hasn 't ; he was about to do his order for tomorrow . He says he 'll have to go in earlier tomorrow , to get everything done . I said , whenever it is , I 'll go with him . I have a brace of partridges in the fridge which , wrapped in streaky bacon and roasted , will make an easy meal . Ro is not fond of game so he will have chicken , similarly wrapped . And an early night , perhaps . Update , 7 . 30 pm . Al has just called in , on his way back to the shop to phone through his orders . He says he is going to start work at 4 o ' clock tomorrow morning . I assured him resolutely that I will be ready . Furthermore , that he is right , as it will mean less pressure later in the day . At some point yesterday evening there were six women chatting in one room . The brother of one of us had been told by his wife , a couple of months ago , that their marriage was ended - his business had gone bankrupt and she didn 't intend to stand by him . " How long have they been married ? " asked someone . " Twenty - eight years . " We were silent for a bit . " We 're a bit unusual , all six of us have grown - up children and we 're still with our husbands . " I asked each of them how long they had been married , and totted it up . Thirty - seven , thirty - five , thirty - three , thirty - two , thirty - one and twenty - six . And all of us still in our fifties … though not all of our husbands . " By July we 'll have two hundred years between us , we 'd better have a party . " We left around 11 . 30 , but I still had wreaths to finish so it was half - past one by the time I was in bed , and I was up again four hours later to help Al put together his orders . By the time his three staff came in at 8 . 30 , they were done except for the few items waiting for the Mr Fru1ty delivery . I 've had breakfast - bacon , eggs and tomato - and I 've got some clearing up to do , bits of holly all over the floor . Then I 'll wrap the rest of the presents . It all seems very calm and organised , I wonder what I 've forgotten . Today is the day that our Christmas tree will go up . Not for a few hours yet , first I have to make more wreaths and clear up afterwards . Then - and this is several days early - I might wrap some presents , simply because they are in bags behind the sofa and rather too accessible to an inquisitive toddler . I saw Dilly running down the drive an hour ago . I assumed - correctly - that she was chasing Squiffany with the intention of strapping her in her car seat , so I put on my coat ( my mother never did learn that it was not a bad idea to put on her coat before going out on a cold day , rather than getting thoroughly chilled and taking the next hour to warm up again ) and hurried out . When she heard my voice , Squiffany called from the car " Hello Granny " - this is said with such charm , it melts me every time . I stayed with her while her mum went to fetch Pugsley . We chatted about her new gloves , each finger of which is a different colour . She correctly told me pink , green and orange , hesitated over yellow , got blue right , but I had to tell her purple * . Al made his fruit baskets today . Four at £ 15 and three at £ 10 . They are popular as presents for the Person Who Has Everything And Hasn 't Space For Anything More , as they have the virtue of being used up and just leaving you a nice basket to play with at the end . Each of them takes about half an hour to do ( time not included in the price ) and so he needed a shop assistant so that he could get on with the job and be finished by noon . I like being a shop assistant so much . His customers are lovely . One chap came in with two presents , one for the shop and one for the shop down the road which makes no concession to the season but shuts on Wednesday regardless . They were from Freda , who can 't get out much but rings all the local shops to put in her orders for delivery on a Friday . Val at the pet shop mentioned that she delivers to Freda - Al said , he goes every Friday , he 'd be happy to take her order too . That 's all right , said Val , Freda likes a selection of cat toys taken round so that she and the cat can choose a new one . It 's not a delivery that can be delegated . Chestnuts are particularly good this year . The English crop was good , but now the French ones are being sold . Walnuts are also really delicious . Al rather fell out with one of his wholesalers - once the local suppliers were sold out , he bought a bag ( these are not cheap , over £ 50 wholesale ) but thought they were a bit lacking in flavour . Upon enquiry , it transpired that they were last year 's stock . Crossly , he sent them back , knocked them off the bill and bought fresh ones from his other wholesaler . Very naughty , and the way to lose customers . And if Al loses a customer over one detail , he may be gone forever . Until the last couple of days , it has been very mild , so there have been plenty of local cauliflowers and calabrese , which may be frosted by now . There has been freezing fog ; a still , cold day today . Going into town , we drove through a patch of fog , and straight out again . It was like going through the smoke of a bonfire , it was so patchy . The land is very low - lying around us , it 's on the flood plain of the River Waveney , used for grazing cattle most of the year and left to become waterlogged in the winter . The Sage remembers , as a boy , ice - skating on the frozen waterways , but they don 't freeze hard enough for that now . Al sold out of wreaths again today . So I 've been making a new batch . The Sage went out to pick fir and holly ( all our friends have bare bushes - ooh , chilly - by Christmas time ) and I started work . Ouch . The fir was prickly . He hadn 't realised , because he had worn gloves . I started again after dinner , ' ouch ' ing as I went . When half - way through the fifth , I held up my hands . They were bleeding . The Sage was stricken with remorse - he 'd been able to ignore the ' ouch ' es , but physical evidence of my pain was something else . Tomorrow morning , Al has seven fruit baskets to make up . He doesn 't have extra staff in the shop on a Wednesday , which used to be his half day until he discovered how much business he was losing in the afternoon . So I will be wrapping up very warmly and being his glamorous assistant for the morning , or however long it takes . This evening , he thanked me . I was really embarrassed . You don 't want your children to be grateful for their parents ' help - appreciative is nice , but grateful is unnecessary . Until January , that is , when he and his family are going on holiday and I will be left in charge of the shop ! ! ( ! ) Then he will owe me big time . My children : Dearest daughter Weeza , who has London Ways , is married to Phil . Their daughter is Zerlina Buttercup and their son is Augustus Bufo . Elder son - Al X , is married to Dilly . Their children are Squiffany Virgilia , Maximus Pugsley and Hadrian Swallow . Younger son - Ro married Dora in September 2014 and their first baby , Rufus Russell , was born on 9th June last year . Bantams live in the garden , recent additions being tiny Seramas called Crow , Jet and Yvette , along with three chicks , and cats live in the barns but we feed them and they have ambitions to be pets too . In addition , cows come to visit in the summer . Mostly , they stay in the fields . None of them has got a hoof in the door yet . WordPress . org Copyright Oh , what 's the problem ? This is hardly Great Literature . I 'd appreciate anything taken from here being acknowledged , and I might change my mind if I 'm suddenly proclaimed as the Literary Queen of the Blogosphere - but I probably wouldn 't . Do what you like , just as long as it doesn 't extend to defamation of anyone , even me .
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Over the last few months , I 've taken up going to the gym . I can hear the eyes roll and the bored sighs from here . People hate people going to the gym - until recently I was one of those people , and honestly I would also sigh and roll my eyes at a blog post about going to the gym . Stick with it , my friends . Hopefully it will be faintly informative , or at least faintly funny . I started going because I have an ongoing issue with the nerve in my right elbow , due to the amount of time I spend sitting at a computer . Three physiotherapists have asked me if there 's anything I can do at my job that doesn 't involve a computer - the answer is no . Perhaps I need to retrain as a shepherd or a taxi driver to avoid the problem . But in the meantime , my solution is to go to the gym to try and release the tension that runs from neck to shoulder to wrist and back again . The gym is a fascinating place to observe human behaviour . It is at the same time an intensely private and completely public place to be . People are frequently half - dressed , or in clothes so tight - fitting they may as well be half - dressed . Men with shoulders the size of their heads stride around calling to each other , obviously at home and at ease . Women run on the treadmills with their headphones in , making no eye contact . I am one of these - I avoid looking any other people in the eye , mainly for fear of judgement . I am blessed with a slight physique , so don 't have to worry about people thinking I 'm too heavy to be in a gym ( which is , by the way , a completely bizarre piece of logic ) but I worry anyway about being judged on my appearance or abilities - and on being compared to other women . There is one woman who goes to my local gym who is pretty , petite and blonde . She wears a crop top and leggings , showing off a lovely figure . She does do some exercise in the gym but she also spends a lot of time chatting to the guys with shoulders the size of their heads . It 's a proper flirt party in the middle of a gym . Once , she was doing some kind of squats while kneeling on the floor - fair enough - but was pausing for minutes at a time in between sets to chat to the guys while rocking back and forth on all fours . For heaven 's sake - just grab your favourite and take him home for a romp in the sack . I feel bad for judging her . I shouldn 't really , and honestly she only really annoys me when she 's hogging some equipment I want while doing her flirting workout . Obviously , the main reason she makes me feel bad is because she makes me feel unattractive , with my unwashed hair ( I 'll never understand people who shower BEFORE going to the gym ) and my already modest chest squashed a little flatter thanks to sports crop tops . I act aloof among the men at the gym , rejecting them before they can reject me . I 'm quite sure they don 't notice and don 't care even if they do notice , however . While I 'm feeling insecure and worrying about people watching me , most of the people at the gym are entirely focussed on themselves . I mostly do weights stuff at the gym , trying to strengthen my arms and back to take the pressure off my arm . The weights area is lined with mirrors , which are sometimes useful to make sure you 're straight and centred , but which personally I hate because it brings my attention back to my appearance instead of my performance . If I 'm not in front of a mirror , I 'm in front of screens playing music videos ( without the sound , the music is something else ) which infuriate and depress me in equal measure as the women bounce around and stretch and make sexy faces at the camera . Why on earth would anybody find me attractive , I think , after staring at them for five minutes , getting up to do something else , and trying to surreptitiously wipe sweat marks from my hands or back or arse off the equipment . I 'm really selling it , aren 't I . Of course the point of going to the gym isn 't to judge yourself and come out feeling like a bag of manure . It 's to take control of your body and push yourself and feel the difference , in fitness or strength . In the media , for women it 's always about losing weight or getting toned , which I hope is slowly beginning to change as the world and her mother push the benefits of exercise , quite apart from any weight loss . Even though I 'm not really going to the gym to lose weight , I am still ( clearly ) thinking too much about how I look while I 'm there . I read this article this week about taking exercise in a body positive way , which has some great tips . I went to the gym after reading it but tried to ignore everyone else , view myself with detachment instead of negativity , and focus on how my body felt and on whether I could push myself to do a little more . It worked , and I set some new personal bests . For my partner , going to the gym is very useful for his mental health . It 's a pure , uncomplicated feeling for him . He enjoys going through motions , going through routines , and appreciating the complexity of simple exercises . Doing things properly requires focus , and practise . He says although our stereotypes are of meatheads in the gym , they are good at what they do and often I see them helping each other with exercises , making me think they are just nice normal guys even if seeing them in the gym I 'm tempted to stereotype them as dull and narcissistic . In a way , the gym is an entirely judgement free zone , because whatever anyone thinks of you you 're unlikely ever to hear about it . You are all strangers . I see the same people , I 'm sure , but I 've realised how little attention I pay to them , because I can never remember whether I 've seen them before or not . As much as you may think people are watching you and laughing behind their hands , it 's in your head . It 's a natural thing to think , because that 's how we 're wired - to think people are hyperaware of our mistakes and completely oblivious to our successes . For me , that 's how I think of myself , not how other people think of me , and I need to get out of the habit of projecting those negative thoughts into other people 's minds . So gyms may be a bit strange and a bit intimidating and some might say a little dull , but they are also fascinating and interesting and fun places to find out what your body can do . There are people doing every type of workout , and it 's entirely up to you what you work on and why . I like that freedom , and at its best it feels like you 're a child again at one of those play centres - although without the ball pit , thank goodness , because as an adult they 're impossible to get out of . People might go there for different reasons , but remember that you don 't actually have to give any of them a moment 's thought . They are all there for themselves , and you 're there for yourself too . For more than a year , I 've had this definition of power saved on my phone : ' Power : the ability to act or produce an effect ' . Lately I 've been thinking more about the word ' power ' , and in particular what it means to be a ' powerful woman ' in today 's world . In this brilliant article on women in power throughout history , Mary Beard suggested that one of the main problems we still have is that we don 't really know what a powerful woman looks like . Most women we think of as ' powerful ' are adopting the clothes and style of powerful men , rather than inventing a new way for women to appear powerful . Where does power come from , and is it different for men and women ? Historically men have been physically powerful - in terms of strength - and powerful in terms of intellect . When we read the history books , the politicians and the warriors and the philosophers and the scientists and the decision - makers are overwhelmingly male . There are examples of women , and they are often passed over or forgotten , but even so the men are primarily seen as the ones with this power . Women are powerful in terms of their beauty , and their ability to bear children . The latter is a never - ending political hot potato , as the life of an unborn child is frequently seen to be more important than the life of the woman carrying it . This is the paradoxical power of being able to carry a child : it overwhelms all other purposes or needs a woman may have . Mary Beard also wrote that women may not want political power or to stand on a soapbox , they just want to be taken seriously . I caught my breath a little at that , because it struck right to the heart of what feminism means for me . I want to be taken seriously . I want people to meet me and listen to my ideas and take them seriously as ideas coming from a person , not a sex object . Unfortunately the week after I read this article I was reminded how little women are still taken seriously , even in the middle of London . I was cat - called by a man on a bicycle while I was on the phone to my mum . I was pointlessly challenged in a pub by some idiot propping up the bar , who thought it would be funny to say ' no you can 't ! ' when I asked if I could have a pint of some beer or other . And I was threatened with bodily violence by a stranger for passing comment on a horse he 'd tied in the middle of a pavement ( don 't even ask ) . Our appearance and our ability to bear children both give us power in myriad ways , but as a primary source of feeling powerful , they often suck . To have your ' ability to act or produce an effect ' determined by the way you look means that your brain and personality are frequently ignored in favour of being summed up instantly as a ) a woman , and b ) on a sliding scale of attractiveness . This is endlessly frustrating , and is applicable to all women everywhere . In some parts of the world , it means your own will and wishes are considered to be secondary to those of others . When you are only judged on the outside , you are essentially a doll , and considered to be a second class of citizen . And even in the UK , which is apparently enlightened , and even if you are running a country , some people still won 't take you seriously - and prefer to comment on the shape of your legs rather than your ideas and your actions . There is nothing wrong with wanting to look good . I see women every day on the train putting on their make - up , and I don 't think this is a bad thing . The thing I hate is the system that makes women believe that they have to spend a lot of time and money on improving their appearance . All of it speaks to a notion that we are not enough as we are . We are not enough unless we spend hours removing hair and shaping brows and going on diets to get a ' bikini body ' . And this is all because the whole system still buys into the idea that women 's power , and worth , comes first and foremost from how they look . This is made clear from childhood . I hated looking stupid or wrong or ugly from an extremely young age . I didn 't want to pull faces , or get dirty , because then I wouldn 't look pretty . My body was rarely praised or criticised for its abilities , only for the shape it made . I have grown up continuing to evaluate it in the same way . I hated playing sports at school because I didn 't think I could do it properly and I hated looking like a fool - I also hated wearing shorts for P . E . because I thought my legs were too skinny ( this was enough of a problem that at age seven I feigned illness to get out of a school Sports Day ) . It was all about how I looked doing things , and because I was so concerned with that , I was inevitably bad at things that required full concentration on , say , where the ball was , and whether I could swing a stick in time to hit it . I thought that if I tried to hit it hard , it would go a pathetic distance , so I put no effort in at all so at least it wouldn 't look as if I 'd tried and failed . Clearly the only way to be good at any physical activity is to keep trying and failing until you stop failing so often , and begin to succeed , but nobody told me that . Sport seemed to me to be for boys , and I was no good at it . I didn 't take myself seriously , but did that start because nobody took me seriously ? I don 't remember ever being really coached at sport , you just did the activity and then stopped . I sucked , and wasn 't told how I could get better . This creates problems throughout life because exercise is key to health and happiness . When I was growing up , I was not popular with boys - which I shouldn 't have cared about as most of them were idiots . But somehow it seemed to be the most important thing . Getting a boyfriend seemed to be key to happiness ( a problem which the media and society do nothing to assuage as you get older ) and thus I needed to be more attractive to fulfil this goal . I was lucky that I had very supportive parents and I grew up before social media was really a thing , because I can 't imagine what it 's like without a good support network and with other people constantly pushing idealised images of people in your face . With Photoshop and filters used on every picture in the public eye , people judge themselves against CGI and even forget what they look like when they haven 't edited their own face . People like Kylie Jenner , who apparently had her face , boobs and arse remodelled at age 16 , are truly terrifying examples of what can happen to young women who have one goal : to look perfect . When women in the news are judged on how they look every single day , young girls absorb the message from everywhere that how they look is of utmost importance . Unfortunately , women frequently perpetuate this notion themselves . Women put down other women like pros : many magazines ' for women ' make an industry out of criticising other women for being too fat / thin on a daily basis . We are so chronically insecure and tired from judging ourselves all the time that the only way to make ourselves feel better is to judge everyone else too . For example , many people have many issues with Lena Dunham , but the fact that people got upset because she started seeing a personal trainer and doing some exercise absolutely astounds me . This reaction proved a few things : a ) that Lena is still extremely rare to be a woman in the public eye owning power in her less than " perfect " body ; b ) that people hate people who go to the gym ; and c ) that women have such serious insecurity issues that one woman taking some exercise is enough to make them very angry . It 's fairly obvious that Lena going to the gym on its own isn 't enough to annoy anybody , the problem is that she was " fat " and said she was happy being " fat , " so other women who are " fat " can also feel happy the way they are - but now Lena is betraying the tribe . She 's taking exercise because she wants to help herself with serious mental health issues and endometriosis , but she is attacked for apparently wanting to change the way she looks . Everyone thought that if she was happy the way she was , and achieved what she has looking that way , then she could be taken seriously without being thin and conventionally beautiful . And if she could do it , everyone else could stop worrying about how they looked too and think about something else . The ridiculous thing is that of course one woman doing some exercise doesn 't affect anybody else 's self - worth or power , and that there is nothing wrong with doing exercise anyway - even though many people hate it , exercise is always good for you . And it doesn 't have to be anything to do with weight loss , although infuriatingly exercise and weight loss are almost always connectedAll these perceptions of women and their power need to be taught differently from childhood . Being a girl should not be about being pretty and looking nice all the time , about never being awkward or doing something stupid or getting into trouble . Girls should do all those things , and be encouraged to move and exercise to enjoy it , as well as be good at it . Hopefully as more girls see female sports players , politicians , writers , scientists , and decision - makers on the television and elsewhere , they will see women showing power and strength through something other than their physical attractiveness . The outcry when the media and people in top positions treat women like dolls must be louder and longer until it 's no longer acceptable . Unfortunately America just voted in someone who speaks about women as if they are not just dolls , but sex dolls , provided for his amusement . But I am hopeful that the next four years will show him just how many powerful women there are around the world who are willing to show him he is wrong and repulsive , and needs to take women seriously . We can all do our own bit by taking ourselves seriously , every day , and taking the other women around us seriously . Only then can we link by link undo the chain that stops us from being judged - by ourselves and everyone else - on our internal worth . THERE WERE NONE , I hear you cry . Well , the other day I found a piece I wrote this time last year on highlights of 2015 . Apparently I thought 2015 pretty much sucked in terms of news items as well , although I don 't remember it being particularly bad - apart from the Conservatives winning the UK election . Reading back through the post I remembered lots of little things I enjoyed about that year , and although 2016 was rubbish in terms of democratic votes , gun shootings , and celebrity deaths , it 's important to also think about the good things . This isn 't going to be one of those list of good news for the environment etc which have been doing the rounds lately , but rather a list of my own personal highlights . Some are tiny , and some are life - changing . What were your highlights of 2016 ? This year I finally started listening to podcasts , and this was the first one I tuned in to after it was recommended by a friend ( thank you Gillian ! ) . Female comedians discuss a range of topics , from shoes to periods to nudity , and examine their complicated and at times contradictory relationships with femininity , feminism , their own bodies , and the people around them . It is hilarious and thought - provoking , wonderfully forgiving and a real tonic if you think feminists are shouty and irritating . Some are like that , but some of us don 't have a clue ! The show starts with a list of brilliant ' I am a feminist but … ' quotes , such as : ' I am a feminist … but I often find myself promoting this podcast by saying , it 's about feminism , but don 't worry , it 's funny . ' I 've been to a few weddings this year with my partner . I struggle with weddings . I find the logistics of getting there , finding somewhere to stay , talking to people you don 't know , and figuring out when it 's okay to leave very stressful . But I 've discovered that dancing at weddings with my partner is the best . This summer we went to a stunning wedding of a friend of mine ( the same Gillian who recommended the Guilty Feminist podcast - congrats on the awesome wedding too ! ) in rural Kent , in a big marquee and the groom 's family 's back garden . I was panicking about what to wear up until the last minute , and got changed 30 seconds before we had to leave into navy trousers and blazer and a red shirt ( then got self - conscious when my partner said we looked like we were heading to a business meeting ) . Anxiety + free champagne meant we were both wonderfully silly by the time we sat down to eat , and still pretty tipsy when the music started . We both love dancing and we barely stopped for the next couple of hours . Several people complimented us on our dancing , which felt wonderful and all in all it was a fabulous evening . I like weddings now . I love the beginning of this video , with a corgi lying on its back with its feet in the air . What is it doing ? ! And then the " fight " - I 'm going to snap at you … and then just go and lie over here … and bark at … nothing … These dogs are just ridiculous . Corgis themselves make no sense . How are their legs so short ? ! So comical . I moved to Canterbury this year after ten years of living in London . This was one of the life - changing highlights to the year : I moved in with my partner and started a much longer commute to work . For the most part living together has been lovely , and although the commute isn 't my favourite thing in the world , I love living in Canterbury . When I got back after Christmas it felt like home . And although there are pros and cons to being out of London , I certainly don 't miss the tube or the weekend crowds . Or the exorbitant rent . Although the rail pass does its best to make up for that ! This might be a strange thing to put as a highlight of the year . Having to take medication is bad , right ? I certainly thought so for a long time . Even though I 've been blogging about mental health for a while now and I am very supportive of friends who are on medication , I really fought going on anxiety medication myself . I realised that I still saw it as a sign of weakness . I thought I should be able to get past it on my own . And I put a lot of work into that and when I was feeling generally okay , the self - care worked . But when you 're tired or something knocks you so you take that lift back down to the beginning again , sometimes it 's too tough to haul yourself back up all the stairs on your own . I 've been on anti - anxiety medication for six weeks . I 'm on a very low dosage and it still sometimes gives me nausea , but I also have some more space in my head to combat anxious thoughts . I 've achieved things that I 'm not sure I could have done if I hadn 't been on medication . I don 't know what will happen , whether they 'll keep working , whether I 'll need to switch , or whether I 'll need to up the dosage , but right now I think they 're working . It 's easier for me to take a step back from anxious thoughts . There 's no point saying to myself " you don 't need to worry about this " because that doesn 't work . But I am finding some relief from going a step further and thinking " you don 't need to think about this . There is nothing saying you need to spend time and energy going over this . Let it go . " Just gaining that step and finding a bit more stability is feeling great . Keep your fingers crossed for me that it stays good . Dyeing my hair While in most areas of life I 'm quite frightened of change , as we all are ( I heard someone on the radio recently say everybody is scared of change , and if someone says they 're not , they 're lying ) when it comes to going to the hairdressers I LOVE change . The bigger the change , the better . If I have a haircut and come out looking more or less the same , I 'm a bit disappointed and have generally forgotten I had the haircut by the time I get home , so someone saying they like it confuses me . You like what ? It 's the same ! This year I dyed my hair red for the first time . I 've wanted to do it for about a decade so it was pretty exciting for me . It didn 't go quite as bright as I wanted so I 'm planning to get it done again soon . I look so quiet and demure that most hairdressers are worried I 'm going to get upset , so they tend to - consciously or not - tone down what I ask for . But my current hairdresser in Canterbury seems to trust I want what I say , so I 'll ask him to dye it next . Hopefully it won 't come out some dreadful shade of pink . I passed my driving test four years ago , then only drove on the odd weekend at my parents ' house for the next four years . Now I 'm living in Canterbury , I have my car with me here . Unfortunately the years off and the fact I was driving somewhere I barely knew meant I started getting extremely anxious about getting in the car . Panic attacks and heated arguments with my partner while driving ensued , and although I kept at it , I was still struggling with nerves . I would be so anxious about driving fifteen minutes to the nearest stables for a riding lesson that I could barely stand due to extreme nausea . Then I started anti - anxiety medication , and although I was still anxious before I left the house , once I was in the car I was fine . So I took a somewhat bold and impulsive decision - I do this sometimes - to drive myself from Canterbury to Suffolk to stay with my parents at Christmas . I hadn 't been on a dual carriageway for four years and had never driven on a motorway . But for some reason I decided that having a parent come down and sit in the car with me , or drive in front of me so I at least knew where I was going , was not as good as going solo with the Google Maps app and ' winging it ' . Well , I was right . I had a couple of fun moments at roundabouts and risked speeding tickets here and there ( with added adrenaline rush because when you take my little car over 80 miles per hour , the steering wheel shudders ) but the sense of achievement was second to none . Definitely a highlight of the year . I am very lucky to have an amazing circle of friends , family , and partner . They share in my achievements and my worries as I share in theirs . Although there have been difficulties and sadnesses this year , several of my immediate circle have also had wonderful news that I have loved sharing with them . My best friend is pregnant and expecting her baby very soon . I love that I was one of the first to know about the pregnancy , and I 've loved keeping up our dinner routine while we can and checking in on how she 's doing . Apparently my general cynical nature has been a great tonic to her when all she wants to do is complain about feeling fat and having rib pain and most of the people around her are saying OMG YOU MUST FEEL SO BLESSED ! ! ! My ' yeesh , poor you , that sucks ' has been very useful , she says , which I 'm very happy ( and relieved ) about . In other news , my partner had his first academic book published this year . It 's a huge moment and I felt so very proud going to the launch and hearing him talk about it . Getting to read a published book by someone you know and love is really wonderful , and I couldn 't be happier for him . There are more great moments but I feel like this post is already quite long and gushing . I encourage you all to note down a few things that went well this year , even if it was just a great book you read or a brilliant movie you saw . Looking back on them in the future is really encouraging , and god knows we all need some good things to remember about 2016 . I 'm planning to write a few ' Review of the Year ' type blog posts in the coming week or two . Some might address the general shitshow that we all believe this year to have been , but others I want to be quite light and more positive too . Here are a list of my favourite and least favourite books from this year . I 've noticed that most of the favourites have a bit of a theme : they are about hope . No wonder they were my favourites in 2016 . Let me know what you think ! I walked past this book and picked it up and read the back numerous times before , one day , it was the right day to actually buy it . I 'm so glad I did : it is one of the most beautifully written books I 've ever read . The story follows a young French girl and a young German boy through the Second World War . The girl is blind and escapes Paris with her father , while the boy is a whizz with radios and electronics and gets inducted into the Hitler Youth as a result . The innocence and fragility of their young lives is stunningly well - written , and the moment when the two eventually meet made me incredibly emotional . I 've sought out other books by the same author since , and haven 't been disappointed . About Grace is also a gorgeous , if at times painful , story of love and loss . Not published this year , just one I got round to this year . It 's amazing . One of the most gorgeous , hopeful books I 've ever read . It 's all about gender fluidity , feminism , and standing up for what 's right . Totally accessible , small but perfectly formed . I loved every word and the end made me sob like a baby , but with happiness . Speaking of happiness : I read this classic this year . I think it will need a few rereads , as some of the ideas take a while to sink in , but it was very well - written and engaging . I loved that it used mixtures of Eastern and Western philosophy and showed how often ideas from totally different backgrounds match up , even if one is rooted in science and other in philosophy or spiritualism . The thing that stuck with me the most was the idea of being honest as an antidote to anxiety . If you are honest with other people about what you can do , you have no need to be anxious . It also quoted this classic piece of advice : if you can do something about it , do it instead of worrying . If you can 't do anything to change it , there 's no point in worrying . Easier said than done ! I haven 't read much science fiction but I absolutely adored these books . They can be read as a series or equally as stand - alone books . She has really gone to town imagining different species with totally different customs , examining human nature and society with real insight and compassion . Her examination of people 's feelings , gender , love , and what it means to be alive is brilliantly thought out and , again , very very easy to read . She also veered away from a common plot line in fantasy / sci fi of things going steadily to shit , and then a big battle at the end , and then things are good . She mixes it up and messes things around , but also keeps most of it on a wonderfully low key - the books are by no means uneventful , but I was never too stressed out by them . Can 't wait to see what she writes next . A late entry as I just read it this week . I think Grayson Perry is brilliant and fiercely intelligent so I was really interested to hear what he had to say on masculinity . It was thought - provoking and engaging , even if it did feel a little bit like a draft of an essay that one of my old lecturers would say needed polishing , tightening , and a rework to bring the main argument front and centre stage . Very much worth the read though because he challenges so many aspects of patriarchy that one might not have thought of , and some of his examples are very useful . Extremely well - written and easy to read . I try not to leave books unfinished , but have also started abandoning them when I am really not enjoying them at all . Thankfully most were acquired from the local library . I walked away from a few classics this year - apologies in advance if this offends you ! Apologies to all those who thought this was phenomenal . I got about a hundred pages in and stopped . I have a strong dislike for books that go off on endless tangents rather than getting to the sodding point ( unless it 's Ali Smith , who is just too awesome for me to care ) and I found I just gave zero fucks about any of the characters or any of their stories . I didn 't even get to the bit where the boy finds out he 's magic or whatever , which may have been a mistake . Just the endless stories about noses and whatnot made me start losing the will to live . I was given this as a gift so I 'm not sure it 's advisable to include it on the list , but the gift giver was my best friend so I 'm thinking we 'll be able to work past it . Both she and my partner love this book , and I loved Neverwhere , so I was expecting to love it too . Instead I found the main theme of the story - that we have gods now but they 're of electronics etc - quite dull and one - dimensional , and I also found the fact that there were basically no female characters who weren 't sexual objects exceptionally tedious . There also seemed to be a lot of unnecessary references to their breasts , or other women 's breasts , or just breasts randomly , and I found that pretty dull too . That probably speaks to my own issues rather than anything else , but I get enough of teenage boy humour around me in life in general , I can do without reading about it too . Got it out of the library . I don 't know why . Girl has unsatisfactory relationship with boy , meets other boy from her past , has fantasies about him , does bugger all of use about it . Meanwhile her boyfriend starts having sexual fantasies about children . How About No . I was really excited about this for the first half , and then sort of faded out of it . A big part of the mystery of the bookstore was revealed , and not as exciting as I 'd hoped , and the boy starts going to save the day as per usual while his girlfriend tags along as sidekick . Also , as with American Gods , the teenage boy - ness of it started getting me down . OMG , my girlfriend is super intelligent , geeky , and really attractive ! ! FFS . Stop being surprised and give her some freaking flaws to make her an actual person . And again with the boobs : the lead 's mate runs some company making tools for software companies to make perfect , realistic CGI breasts . Which were used to make some beach volleyball computer game . Give me a fucking break and take me out of this teenager 's wet dream . It might not be fair to include this as I read literally about five pages . Douchebag runs through list of break - ups ; isn 't fussed about most recent one , tries to work out when he 's next going to have sex . Broke up with girl at school because she wouldn 't let him touch her - you guessed it - breasts . I swear to god . This year 's books have done nothing to get me past my fear that men are obsessed with perfect boobs . The guy sounded like a complete arse and I put it straight in a bag to go to the charity shop . Agatha Christie I have read SO many of her novels this year . They are perfect when you are ill , or in a book rut , or just want something that doesn 't require any effort but still has an amazing plot . They are so easy to get into , and I never ever guess the outcome . What an incredible brain . How did she think of all those plots ? ! I know many people think her books are ' light ' , or simplistic , and they are light in the sense that they 're so well - written you don 't have to work to find them interesting or enjoyable . But I think her talents as a writer are often underestimated . I would love to write a single book with such an enjoyable and unguessable plot , never mind however many she managed to write . Stand out books were Then There Were None - fabulously creepy ; and The Secret Adversary - almost more of a spy novel , but just brilliant . Uprooted , Naomi Novik . Loved this . A really different fantasy novel with some great twists - also really quite frightening . I never quite got to see the characters as fully rounded people , otherwise it would be in the favourites list . I went to see a French Canadian circus the other week called Barbu . There were six acrobats , four men and two women . The men all had impressive beards , which played their part in one of the first acts as they roller - skated in a circle all holding onto each other 's beards . They started the show fully dressed , in hipster steampunk style clothing of fawn shirts and trousers , with cloth wrapped around their waists in an interesting imitation of half an old - fashioned corset . One of the women was also part of a roller - skating act at the beginning , dressed in a top and a little skirt . As she spun horizontally , only attached to a man on roller skates by a strap around her neck ( wow ) her skirt inevitably flew up showing modest black underwear . When she was back on her feet , the man made a show of pulling her skirt back into position for her with a flick . The second woman was dressed in stockings and suspenders , and a vest in an approximation of a corset - but not a corset , as that wouldn 't have given her the flexibility to do the extraordinary things she did , weaving her body in and out of a large ring suspended six feet above the floor . The differences in the male and female outfits gave me the familiar feminist rage of wishing that women didn 't always have to showcase their bodies even while doing something that required such elaborate skill and training . These differences can also be seen now at the Olympics , with men and women competing in the same sport given quite different outfits to wear . I 'm sure that many of the decisions behind these outfits come from the women themselves , wearing things that make them feel able to do their jobs to the best of their ability . But I still wonder why most women playing tennis continue to wear little skirts when shorts would have the benefit of not flying up all the time . Or why female track athletes are often exposing their midriffs when their male counterparts aren 't . And , most famously , why female beach volleyball players are more or less in bikinis when the men are in shorts and t - shirts . Apparently the women are no longer required to wear these bikinis , but the fact that they were once is ridiculous , and unfortunately has led to a view for some of female beach volleyball being more soft porn than it is sport . I myself struggle to get past this idea , and to sit and watch them play without imagining the guffawing objectifying language I 've heard thrown at the players in the past . * * * Update : I watched the men 's Olympic diving last night , so I now feel I need to add a bit about their outfits . Were they always that tiny ? On some men they literally barely covered the tops of their buttocks . I 'm sure it 's for streamlining but I actually found it very disconcerting . It doesn 't affect my point in this blog , but I did want to acknowledge that the men are also sometimes in teeny tiny outfits ! * * * This circus and now the Olympics is making me ask a lot of questions of the way I view female bodies . I was good and ready in my irritation at this circus for having only the women semi - dressed - but then the men came out in only their underwear . What was I supposed to think now ? ! I could no longer be righteously feminist - ly annoyed , I had to acknowledge that there appeared to be equality here . I did still notice differences in the way the men and the women were presented , and how they held themselves . The women , who were also now in plain black crop tops and shorts underwear , acted quite differently ; one woman was confident but quietly so , while the other was aggressively sexual , strutting and staring out at the crowd and , for me , feeling quite confrontational . It felt like she was looking at all the straight men in the audience , daring them to want her , and at the same time looking at all the straight women ( particularly those there with a straight man ) and saying well your bloke is looking at me and wanting me right now , and there 's nothing you can do about it . The men , by contrast , were quite playful in their nudity . There were some homoerotic jokes , and a man came on to do his act wearing a large disco ball round his body , covering from the tops of his thighs to just below his arms . On a woman I think it would have been titillating , just covering her breasts and arse and suggesting there was nothing underneath , but on the man it was mostly comical . Watching them all and noticing my reactions , I began to feel quite uncomfortable . Some of it was plain old - fashioned jealousy , not wanting my partner to be sitting next to me and lusting after women on a stage . But then , you may ask , didn 't I find the men attractive ? Wasn 't I lusting after them a little ? Honestly : not really . They were fine male specimens , but they were just male bodies . I was detached from them and sitting in a crowded public space , sitting next to someone I loved : I felt no particular need or urge to find them attractive or to think about it much one way or the other . I wondered to myself if that 's the way my partner felt as well , and I struggled to believe it could be so . And I realised that I couldn 't see the women in the same way : their bodies for me were bound up with too many other thoughts and other ideas , and I couldn 't see them as non - sexual beings . Not in the sense that I wanted to sleep with them myself - this blog isn 't me not so subtly coming out as a lesbian - but because I kept seeing them as direct competition to myself . And I realised that this is a huge problem . I have found something very similar with the Olympics . While I can watch the men play and appreciate their form and see that yes , they are attractive , it gives me no pause for thought at all . I am far more interested in what they can do and how skilled they are at whatever sport they are participating in . But with the women , I struggle . I judge . I compare . I frequently feel wanting . I feel the urge to make comments on their prettiness , how much make - up they are wearing ; I assess the size of different parts of their bodies and how well - balanced they are . I am very envious of their power and strength , but at the same time I feel slightly relieved if I don 't see them as being objectively sexually attractive . I hate myself for this because I know it is entirely irrelevant , and something that these women themselves are probably worried about people thinking and I don 't want to be somebody else adding to that . Most of them are very attractive , in their looks and their bodies and their abilities , and then I hate myself again for feeling worn down and a little sad after watching some Olympic events . I 'll sit next to my partner and fret about whether he is judging me against what he 's seeing on the screen . I find myself seeking reassurance and getting needy and being a bit of a pain in the ass . I also realised when I was watching the circus that I will downplay the women 's abilities , just as so many people do to women , often without even realising it . The woman was spinning in the air hanging on a hoop with her ankle casually by her ear and I found myself thinking , well that 's not that difficult . OF COURSE IT FUCKING IS . But I felt angry and threatened by her because she was wearing stocking and suspenders and I couldn 't disconnect my admiration of her performance from thinking that men would be watching her and wanting her . It is toxic , this feeling of needing to be admired and approved of to the extent that if another woman at that moment is being looked at with awe and , perhaps , some desire , that that automatically lessens our own attractiveness and our own worth . This is particularly true of situations when your partner might be the one looking at someone else , but I can remember instances of it being true even when the men weren 't even people I would want to sleep with . There was a boy at school when I was about 17 who was a friend of a friend of mine . He was a bit strange and he frequently made me uncomfortable with various remarks . I had absolutely no desire to be with him at all . But he had a habit of putting his hands up our jumpers at the back to warm them when it was cold , and I would feel jealous if he always did it to my friends and not to me . Even though I simultaneously hated him doing it to me because his hands were fucking cold and he freaked me out more than a little bit . What the hell was that ? Why did I feel that competition even with someone I wasn 't interested in ? Happily I think it 's something I 've grown out of to some extent . But I still see it in this need to be always found attractive , and not just attractive but the MOST attractive . Which is understandable to some extent but it 's also pretty ridiculous . It 's impossible to go through life only finding one person attractive all the time , and it doesn 't have to be threatening if your partner looks at someone on a stage or on a screen and thinks they 're beautiful . It doesn 't even have to be threatening if they 're someone who they know personally . Obviously there are lines here and if your partner finds other people so attractive that they can 't help themselves sleeping with them , then that 's a whole different story . But all I 'm talking about is looking at a person and thinking they are nice to look at . We all do it and I hate that I feel this competitive , insecure , poisonous feeling when I judge myself against someone and feel less attractive and crap as a result . So I am trying to work on seeing women 's bodies as just that , bodies , there to do a job and achieve some incredible things and not just something for people to have sex with . Of course , I 've had a lot of help seeing women 's bodies this way , from all advertising and many films and music videos , and everywhere else that women are presented as props , sexual props , without personalities and voices and abilities beyond being sexual . I just didn 't realise how much I had internalised it myself , with other women . And that makes me really wonder about how I look at myself . I know that I am not always happy with my figure because it doesn 't balance out the way that the women 's bodies do on the posters - if I want a proper hourglass , I need a padded bra ( and SO WHAT ) - but I never thought so baldly about how that was connected to me thinking of myself as just a sexual being . Just a thing for people to have sex with . Which is crazy , when you think about it , because the majority of my time is and always will be spent not having sex . So why should I have to be judging myself on that all the time ? On being attractive and being found attractive and on looking as close to the women in advertising and on the screen as possible ? So I am fighting it . I wrote recently about getting more into sport . God damn it 's hard to keep up when you work full - time , commute two hours a day and often sleep poorly but I started again this morning after a week or so off , and I will push harder to continue it as it makes such a difference to my mood . Feeling the strength in your body is so much fun . I 've had a recurrent dream since I was young about being powerless - physically powerless ; I 'll try to punch someone who has made me angry or who is threatening me in the dream and there will be no strength in my arm . I try but I make no impact . I feel like that can carry over into my day sometimes , and exercising and feeling the power running through my muscles makes me feel more powerful in other areas too . Power : the ability to act or produce an effect . It 's what is often denied to women in all kinds of public spaces ; they are without agency and without power , unable to produce an effect except to make men want to possess their bodies . I am going to try very hard to uncouple my automatic thoughts of viewing women in this way , as competition , and to see them as more , to see them as what they are : powerful and strong and not trying to be a threat to me . They 're just human bodies , just women , not a yardstick I need to measure myself against . I would like to thank the Guilty Feminist podcast and my fellow Guilty Feminists on the facebook page for helping me to think through these things , to see them for what they are and also to write this blog explaining how much this affects me , when as a feminist I shouldn 't be thinking these things ( although I will try not to beat myself up about it if I do , because society has taught me to think this way ) . If you haven 't yet listened to the Guilty Feminist , you absolutely should . It 's hilarious , thought - provoking and marvellous . And the facebook page is one of the best things on the internet . Posted in Body image , Female empowerment , Feminism , Inspiration , Jealousy , NobodyTalksAbout , Relationships , Self - esteem , Uncategorized | Tagged barbu , circus , female empowerment , Feminism , gender equality , olympics , rio , self - esteem , women
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This past weekend was a BLAST ! I mean really . . . I can 't remember when Chris and I did anything fun for Memorial weekend . His wonderful aunt and uncle invited us out to their house . They live out at Possum Kingdom . Chris has been out there before but it was a first for Miss H and I . On the drive there we were reminded of the horrible FIRES that spread across the area last year . It was so weird to look at the hills of trees . . . some as alive as nothing happened , others chard and trying to regrow . The neighborhood where his aunt and uncle live was hit pretty hard . Actually one whole side of the neighborhood was just ashes . . . still . You would look and think it was all rocky and such , but really it was the ash left behind from where a house once was . All of this was just so sad , but yet you could see all the new progress of rebuilding and regrowing life . We were so lucky to not only spend time with his aunt and uncle but his two cousins and family too . I loved getting to be with the girls ( Becca , Wendy , and Robin ) and relax all day . Okay well as relaxed as you can be with a 4 month old . Miss H loved getting to play with Carson too . Carson celebrated his first birthday while we were there . What a fun little monkey party he had . The guys got to enjoy a wonderful WiNdY round of golf too . The weekend went way too fast . . . as most do ! I am so glad we ventured out there for the weekend . Thanks Wendy and Jimmy Joe for the wonderful time . Here are our many pics . . . . . Did I mention Miss H even got to enjoy her first swim in their pool . Day one of testing the water was NOT successful . . . she SCREAMED ! She wouldn 't even let me stand next to the pool holding her . But by day 2 she was in the water enjoying life . Day one . . . . I was just sitting next to the water . She was not even touching it ! ! ! Day 2 much happier ! Oh geezzz me and my " mom " swimsuit please ignore that ! But our attempt at a family pic , Miss H was not participating . She had to watch the water the whole time she was in there . She is such a little analyzer . The family with the birthday boy ! This week and weekend we were vey busy . I 'm sure you could tell since I was a couple of days late with Miss H 's monthly update . To begin our busy week Chris ' sister Melissa was in town . Sadly she was here for work purposes and they kept her very , very , very busy . But we did manage to squeeze in 2 trips to see her . I wish we could have spent longer with her but she was in meetings from 8 am til 5 or later . . . poor her . Nothing is worse than a vacation but not getting and free time . Anyway , Tuesday we managed to head over to Dallas and had dinner with her and Whitney ( his other sister who lives here ) . It was so great getting to catch up with her . Then on Sunday night we got to enjoy dinner again with her but also with Chris ' aunt and uncle who live close by . I loved letting Miss H see all her family . Chris ' aunt and uncle had not seen her since she was born so that was fun . We had the best time . . . . I 'm just sad Melissa and her family live all the way up in MAINE ! ! Then my dearest of friends from college is getting married next month ! Mom , Abby , and I helped host her wedding shower here in town . That means Queen Tia and Prima Little Bear came to visit for the weekend ! ! WOO WOOO ! ! Mom came in on Thursday to help gather things for the shower . Queen Tia and prima couldn 't come till Little bear got out of school . It was " clay " day at school and she didn 't want to miss her opportunity to work with her clay project . I totally get that ! But once everyone got here we had a very busy weekend . We spent all of Saturday in Dallas . Man was it a long day for Miss H but she was a very good trouper . We did some shopping and lunch before the shower . ( I 'll have shower pics later thy are on Abby 's camera ) Then after the shower we of course had to visit American Girl ! Little Bear had something she needed fixed . . . plus she loves that store ! I was very shocked when we only walked out with one item ! ! All though she is eyeing a new baby bringing her total baby doll count to like 46 when she gets it ! I think that would be like 8 American Girl babies too . Finally to top off our busy night we ate with my sister and mother 's good friends who live in the area . WHEEWWW ! Long day but so much fun ! Harper you are FOUR months old ! This month you weigh 13 . 11 pounds . You are now about 25 inches long ! You are a growing girl and we couldn 't be happier . The Dr . said you are still keeping a beautiful and round head . You are still wearing size 1 diapers . Here are a few things you are really loving this month : Smiling : You are still such a great smiler . I love that when other people talk to you you let out the cutest smile ! It 's your way of saying hello . You are such a great little smilier . . . I don 't know many babies that wake up with such a huge grin . I love that you are the happiest girl around . Talking : Let 's just say you are not shy about it . You are a talker baby . You can talk and talk to anything from me to your toys . I love to hear all your new noises you are making . You have the sweetest voice around . I can even catch you talking or making coo ' ing sounds in your sleep . It is probably the cutest thing ever . . . and a sweet sound to hear over the monitor . Awareness : You are now very aware of what is going on around you . You have become aware when other people hold you . . . sometimes your not 100 percent sure but normally you go to anyone . Not only are you aware of the people around you . . . but you have found a new person in our house . WINSTON : You now are fully aware that you have a brother dog . You love to watch him roam around . You have even begun reaching for him . Sometimes if he lays too close you can grab him . . . he is still pretty sure you are cool , but I worry that soon he will realize you are going to be after him ! I think you will be the best of friends . Winston is very protective of you , he dislikes it when other dogs come near . Sleep : Welcome to your CRIB in your BEDROOM ! ! Yes , sweet baby girl mommy has moved you out to your room . You sleep pretty good . Most nights you sleep about 5 1 / 2 hours for the first stretch . Then you need a little snack and back to sleep . You normally only wake up 2 times at night ! Your mommy is happy you are a good sleeper . We have got a nice little night time routine going so bed time is pretty good . Naps are going well . You typically take 3 but on days we are busy our out and about you get a solid 2 . No matter if you have a nap or not you are a sweet baby ! We couldn 't be more blesses . Your hands : You are still so in love with your hands . Not only are you a pro at getting them in your mouth this month . You have become so skilled with your hands . You can now find the toy you want and get it to your mouth with ease . It is crazy to watch how quick and easy grabbing toys is now that you are bigger . Not only do you love to grab toys . . . but Mommy 's hair still proves to be your constant hold . If I am holding you , you are holding my hair . I have to warn people when holding you to watch their hair ! Your legs : You LOVE to STAND on your little legs . You really like to be held up so you can stand and talk . You have become such a pro that we have introduced the saucer ! You really enjoy standing and playing with all the toys around you . You have even mastered a few . TOES : Guess who found their toes this week ! Yep you have found them and are trying to master the toe in mouth move . It is so cute to watch you sit and hold those toes . Now if only you could figure out the easiest way to get them in your mouth . Bath time will never be the same between you trying to eat your toes and the kicking and splashing that now goes on . Yes , you realized if you kick your feet in the water . . . . it splashes everywhere , it 's pretty cute . Rolling over : Yes mama , you have learned to roll over . You can roll from your back to your tummy . Rolling over and your first night in your crib all happened on the same day . You are a busy little one . The first time your rolled over you did not like it . . . you cried . Not sure if you cried because you were shocked to be on your tummy . . . . or if mommy and daddy 's yelling of excitement scared you . But now you can roll over and not be so sad . You still are not doing it all the time , but you do roll over at least 1 - 3 times a day . GIGGLE : You had your first giggle this month . . . man was it cute ! You are such a cute little giggle girl . I can 't get enough of it . Things you are almost doing : Crunch time : You are still trying like crazy to sit up . You have gotten much better at it . If you are leaned on a pillow now you can pull yourself up . . . but quickly fall to the side . In your car seat you try to sit it up when just chilling out . You are almost saying words with mmmmaaaa and daaaa 's . . . Every once and a while I will hear a mama or da in your talking . However , you mostly make cute coo 's and such cute sounds . I know soon enough you will be saying daa daa like a crazy woman ! Food : Thank heavens your Dr . and I are on the same page . . . ha ha ha ! Well anyways , no need to be trying baby food until 6 months . This made your mommy so happy . . . I 'm just not ready for you to be big enough for food . Thank you Dr . Mercer for not pushing food until 6 months . . . You had a few 2nd 's this month too ! You had your 2nd car trip . You slept the whole way to Austin what a great little trooper . Then you had your 2nd visit to see your Queen Tia , Uncle B , Prima Ems , and Primo B . We surprised them . . . and man where they shocked ! Your favorite toy is Sophie : I think you love her because she is easy to move around , squeaks , and taste pretty good ! We don 't leave the house without her . Your also loving your blankees . You love to hold them and pull them up to your face . You always travel with your blankee , it keeps you company in your car seat . When you are super tired and can 't fall asleep mom will let you hold your blankee ( but quickly steals it away once you are asleep . . . no sids here ) I feel like this month was a big one . You hit many huge milestones and have only continued to grow . I know you are going to be 1 before I can even blink and that makes mommy so sad . ( don 't worry I 've already started planning her birthday ) I have loved every month thus far , but can tell that these next few months are going to super fun . Daddy loves playing with you now . He can always get a smile out of you even if you are hungry or tired . You just love your daddy . . . and have him wrapped around that pinky already ! The Dr . told us you couldn 't be more perfect and well we pretty much agree . I know I say this every month , but your an amazing baby ! I don 't know many 4 babies that travel or go with the flow as well as you . We love you all the way to god and back ! Ever have one of those days ? You know a day that you wish would just end and you could start fresh . . . well I did this week . My day was Thursday ! This past week was actually very challenging in different ways . Miss H was fussier than normal at the beginning of the week , then Thursday topped it off ! Let me set the scene : Wednesday night I was cleaning up the house getting things ready for Miss H to go to bed . Chris was holding her so I could finish up a few things . . . then it was off to bed for all of us . Well , Bob ( our cat for those of you who don 't know her . . . yes her ) was prancing around Miss H 's room with me as I put up some laundry . Next thing I know WINSTON is in full force sprint to attack poor Bob . Did I mention they still after almost 2 years are not BBFs . Winston wants to bark and play with Bob and Bob wants to have nothing to do with him . As he is charging at her he slides on the wood floor and hurts his leg . . . . ( insert loud yelping from dog here ) . I stop screaming at Winston to not attack Bob and pick him up as fast as I can . Then yell to Chris for help . . . . well he has Miss H . I say lay her on the floor . It is then that we have to pop Winston 's knee back in place . Now we have a pup who is only using 3 legs . . . . just great ! On to Thursday : I already had a vet apt for Bob at 2 so I told Chris he would have to deal with the Winston issue . . . I mean I can 't do dog , baby , and cat all at once ! He took Winston in the am and left him to be seen by a dr when they were free . Our vet is pretty popular so we often do this . Miss H and I get up and begin our day , which started out lovely ! Come lunch time we met up with Chris who said Winston had to have x - rays . . . I figured as much . Then said they would call him back when we should go chat with the dr about it . After lunch Miss H and I run some quick errands and head home . Once home we get notice that the house is going to be shown at 3 . No problem we will probably still be at the vet with Bob . We already had a showing at 6 that night so it would all work out right ? 1 : 30 arrives and I speak to the vet , they want to chat about Winston when we come at 2 for Bob 's visit . Great now we will have all animals and baby at the vet at the SAME TIME ! ! Thankfully Chris randomly drops by the house I tell him he as to go too so we can talk about Winston 's knee . He was fine with that but had a meeting at 2 : 30 he had to be at . 2 : 00 we arrive at vet and I ask if we can chat about Winston first since Chris had to leave . Sure no problem . . . Well we get in find out that poor Winston is going to need some major knee surgery ( cha ching cha ching cha ching ) . However , it is not immediately needed just some time soon . Basically his tendon no long sits on top of the knee bone and they need to cut it deeper so it can sit back in there . Needless to say his knee will pop in and out till we get it fix . GREAT ! He is only 3 years old , really ! ! Bob 's check up goes much quicker . Then we head out to pay and they go to get Winston for us . Chris realizes he really needs to leave because it is now 2 : 30 . So he is paying and we hear . . . . . the dreaded noise from Miss H . You know that noise that occurs when major pooping is going on . I say oh no she is pooping . Chris is like well it will have to wait for a moment . Next thing you know . . . . . . I look down to no longer see her cute little leg but poop everywhere ! This poop - tasterfe is worse than the car blow out . . . and it just kept coming . Great now I have Miss H in her car seat that is now covered in poop . Bob in her kennel in the bottom of the stroller and Chris holding Winston on his leash . But Chris had to leave ! I looked at Chris and said this CAN NOT WAIT ! Bob , Miss H and I hit the bathroom quick . . . . I try cleaning up the poop mess as best as I can in as little time as possible . Of course Miss H is just enjoying life and not really helping out as I was trying to hurry . You know she is putting her legs out straight not bending them , or keeping them bent not letting me wipe her up . It was a DISASTER in there . . . Bob just meowing away in the stroller and Chris talking with me through the women 's bathroom door . I threw paper towels in the car seat buckled her up then we were out . Now to drive home with a dog , cat , and poopy baby ! Oh and guess what time it was now almost 3 . Do you remember what was happening at 3 at my house . . . . A SHOWING ! I rush home and as I pull up to the house it occurs to me - I THREW MISS H " S PANTS AWAY IN THE TRASH AT THE VET . . . . . . no I did not mean to , I was in such a rush everything on the changing table went in the trash . . . PANTS included ! AHHHH No time to worry about that I had to get the animals in the house and Miss H semi cleaned up before the people arrived to see the house . 3 trips into the house and all animals and people are inside . . . Now to clean up the car seat and Miss H before the people arrive . First things first get the car seat pad out and in the wash to soak . Number one rule to getting baby poop out : wash off poop and soak asap . Then to Miss H 's room for a baby wipe bath and a new outfit ! All of this is done as I keep looking out the window for the people . If there was a camera in our house I am sure someone would have had a blast watching this whole ordeal go down ! Geeze . . . . Finally I got the wash machine full , poopy car seat pad soaking , baby cleaned , and back in her car seat ready to leave . As I open the door to walk out . . . the people pull up . Perfect timing ! I apologize for just leaving and welcome them in . . . . . Now I can finally worry about THE PANTS ! Miss H in her cleaned up seat with a new outfit ready to go , again ! Miss H and I truck back up to the vet , thankfully some where in that mess I did talk with Chris . He called the vet and asked if they could look for her poopy pants . HA but they enjoyed that phone call . We walk back in and sure enough the nice nurse had found them and pulled them out . That was probably the best part of the who ordeal . I didn 't have to dig in the trash full of poo to find the pants covered in poo . Bless her heart for doing that ! Next stop for Miss H and I was HAPPY HOUR ! Yes , this breastfeeding mommy needed a DRINK after all that ! My 1 glass of wine was so delightful and much needed . That is only the 2nd time I have had an adult beverage since Miss H was born . . . and man was that time worth it ! I am thankful for a few things on the AWFUL day ! 1 ) That we still have the car seat coushin in our car seat as it took the poop and not the car seat it 's self 2 ) I have dear friends who will meet me on a moments notice for a drink and chatting 3 ) that Miss H is so easy going when messes like this occur ! Wow I can 't believe it was exactly a year ago from this holiday that we found out we were going to have our sweet baby . Yes , last Mother 's day was the day I found out I was pregnant . . . . crazy to think back at that now ! You can read about that here . Now here I sit with the most yummy little girl in the world . I couldn 't be blessed with a sweeter baby every . I am truly lucky to be the mother to Miss H . She shows me the true meaning to life . . . and I am so thankful for that . To my mom : Thanks for helping me become the woman I am . Thanks for showing me that women can do anything . I hope that I can be as amazing to Miss H as you are to me . I am so thankful we get to spend so much time together now in our retired life ! I love you and can 't wait to celebrate with you next weekend ! Mom and I had pretty much done all the shopping we could do at the Country Living fair , so Sunday we packed up and headed out . Originally we were going to just head back to my house , but soon plans changed . Mom mentioned going to my sisters . . . . so I looked to see how far or close we were . My sister lives 4 hours from me , so I was thrilled to see that we were only about 2 hours from her house . Now the problem was . . . Abby 's family was on a cruise and returning that day . I told mom that the ship would dock early because it would want to leave with new people that evening . Sure enough as we were just wrapping up packing my sister calls . She said we are back ! ! ! Mom and I planned to surprise them . Then she and the kids began the pressure . . . . hey your close why not come see us , we haven 't seen Miss H in forever , the kids want to see you auntie . . . . and on and on it went . I kept telling them we needed to finish shopping but would call back around 5 when the event ended . Mom , Miss H , and I all headed out . Of course the drive there Miss H did not sleep one single bit . . . she was a little fussy . But hey who can blame her she has been traveling all over Austin and the Travis Expo center for the past 2 days ! Also my phone kept going off with text from Abby and my brother in law . I just kept telling them that we were shopping and we would see later on . The funny thing is my bil texted litterally 10 minutes before we arrived at their house in EC . I gave him some bs about mom buying something . . . and on we went . When we arrived we snuck in the back yard . Then I had to do some handy doggy door work . . . stuck my arm in to unlock the back door . Man were they SHOCKED when we came busting in ! Everyone was super excited . We loved visiting them . Our stay was not as long as we would have liked , but they will be here next weekend ! After 2 days in EC we headed back home . . . . thus ending our tour of Texas and putting us back home for some routine in Miss H 's world ! I 'm a daughter , a sister , a teacher , as well as a new wife ! Chris and I were married on June 26 , 2010 . We are enjoying every moment . This is just a place to make memories and share our new adventures of being newlyweds !
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Hope you 're all having a lovely weekend . Mine has been busy , busy getting m Christmas story all ready to go . I now have a title - Divine Justice - and a shiny new cover . I really hope you like it ! It releases this Thursday - and here 's a wee teaser in the meantime ! My girl , Holly does love her caffeine fix 😉 Holly bit her lip . " I just don 't want you to be … struggling , because of me . I don 't expect you to get me anything , you know ? Just because I 'm letting you stay here a few days I honestly don 't want anything in return . " " I know that . " He laughed suddenly . " Are you always this difficult to give a gift to . " Her cheeks burned . Probably yes . She remember something her mother had told her a long time ago . Shut up and just say thank you . " Thank you , " she said softly . " I love it . " " You 're welcome . " A grin lit up her face . " I guess I better try it out , right ? Sooooo many kinds of coffee ! " He laughed again . " I had no idea there were so many in the world . " " You 'll tell me which one you like ? " " I don 't drink coffee . " Holly gaped at him . Wow , she 'd heard rumours there were people like that but … " I knew there had to be something wrong with you ! " * * * Jeremiah smiled at her . She was pretty adorable when she got excited , even if it was over the strange human drink they all seemed obsessed with . " I 'm sorry to disappoint . " He told her seriously . " It is a bitter draught and I have never acquired the taste for it . " Give him a nice cup of ambrosia any day but that wasn 't something he could tell the little human . She grinned at him and he saw the light of challenge spark in her eyes . " I think you just haven 't found the right combination yet . Trust me , I 'll find it . " He grinned at her . It was strange that she made him smile . So few things did lately . He hadn 't laughed with another person in years , maybe decades . Possibly even centuries if he thought too hard about it . Which maybe wasn 't a good idea . She made him want to smile though . Her genuine delight in the smallest of things , her concern for other people , her unwillingness to accept anything from anyone . She was easy to … like . He shook his head and walked back into the living room . He was just here to judge , and for that he needed to remain impartial . Why was it getting harder and harder to keepTake care x Can you believe we 're into December already ? Christmassyness can officially start lol . Today though Im thrilled to have the fab Renee Leigh visiting , she 's going to chat about her re - release You Should Smile . My name is Renee Leigh . I write contemporary , stand - alone erotic romance novels . I 've always been a sucker for a good romance movie or novel - a happy ending , everything tied up neatly into a bow ! I 've written for as long as I can remember . Words have always been my outlet . I began writing erotic romance scenes with quirky characters for myself - to make ME smile . I wrote my first book , You Should Smile , three years ago . My husband told me that I should publish it . I thought maybe I could make others smile , too , so I decided to publish it last year . I 'm glad I did ! I am a binge - writer . If I 'm in the mood to write , I can write through the night without stopping . If I 'm not in the mood , nothing sounds right that I put down on paper . I just have to wait to be ' in the mood ' I 've realized ! As an attorney , I read all day - usually boring and very legalistic books . At the end of the day , all I want to do is turn that part of my mind off and just have fun reading . I 've found that contemporary romance does that for me . I enjoy light - hearted and comedic romances the best - books that don 't cause too much emotional turmoil or analytical thinking . Just sit back with a glass of wine and have fun ! I suppose that is now my target audience - those who don 't take themselves ( like me ! ) or their books too seriously . They just want to sit back with a fun , yet sexy , read at the end of long day . I adore Alice Clayton . Her books have always made me laugh , yet they 're sweet and hot at the same time . I also love Mia Sheridan . Her writing ! Oh my gosh ! She can 't write a bad book . It 's impossible ! And I JUST finished Priest by Sierra Simone and I was speechless . I was absolutely speechless with the beauty and imagery of her words … and the HEAT . ( I 'm blushing just thinking about it . Lol . ) She 's my new favorite ! I 'm re - releasing the first book , You Should Smile , for . 99 beginning on November 21st to promote the Smile series and my second release , Sunlit Smile . You Should Smile is a professor - student love story . It features quirky characters and tongue - in - cheek writing . Though , like its author , the book doesn 't take itself too seriously , it does try to focus on serious themes and relationship issues in a way that maintains a fun atmosphere . In the end , I want to make readers finish the book with a smile . Almost all of my writing evolves from a single phrase that sticks in my head and won 't go away . This time , it was : " ' You Should Smile ' I heard him say " … . That became the opening line of the book and Thad 's opening line to Shay in the book . He sees her standing at the gas station , looking sad and something just makes him want to see her smile . She teases him that telling women to smile can be offensive - and their banter and chemistry just take off from there . Little do either of them know , of course , that he 's about to become her professor . Getting to know my characters as they came to life . I fell in love with them as individuals , including all of their imperfections . Even the side characters ( like Grant ) became a part of me . Grant is the best friend that everyone wants and deserves . I am still jealous that Shay has him for one . Sharing it with others and hoping that people could see that it is a tongue - in - cheek poke of fun at the romance ' formula ' . Yes , the nickname Shay gives Thad IS stupid . She 's awkward . She knows it 's dumb . She knows her movie obsession is dumb . That 's the point . Some readers get it and some don 't . a very awkward , quirky way … Of course , I love Thad because he 's all sorts of intelligence in a big heated package … and I just finished my book on Chris , who is an emotional and uncontrolled Alpha mess underneath his calm demeanor … but I think Grant might be my favorite character to WRITE even though he 's not even part of the actual book series . He 's just a good - hearted and funny guy . He 's probably the one I most wish existed in real life because I want to hang out and drink with him . Haha . " You should smile , " he stated louder . " It 's a beautiful fall day . Summer 's wrath is left behind . So smile . " He stepped out from the shadows and into the sun where I could see him clearly . My lord . I 'd heard the phrase ' sex on a stick ' before , but never knew what it really meant . I did then . A smile slowly crept across my lips . " You 're not supposed to tell women to smile . It can be offensive , " I said , teasing him . Graduate student Shay Elliott gets hit on by a sexy stranger in a gas station parking lot - and the sparks fly immediately . She 's there with her boyfriend , though , so she declines the man 's invitation to leave with him . She thinks she 'll never see him again … . We 're heading into December this week ! Hope you 're all getting organised with your holiday plans ( wish I was lol ! ) . It 's all Christmassy here in Edinburgh - the markets are selling , the fair is going , the pretty lights are twinkling away . Of course , I may not see them again as I have much too much work to get done this month to ever venture into the centre again 😉 My Christmas angel story is finally finished - woot ! It 's currently with some of my wonderful beta readers , which I will be honest always make me nervous , but I 'm aiming for a release date of next Friday 9th December . Of course , that gives me a week and a half to make a cover , retweak a couple of bits that aren 't quite working , do final edits , format , get onto the sites . Sleep is over - rated , right ? Hopefully it will all be done in time , then I can get onto edits for my next one ( my wolfie one is finally back so looking at a Jan release now ! ) . I have decided I will give myself a few off over Christmas though - I know , I 'm too nice to me ! Being self - employed though it 's rare for me to actually take time off , so it will be nice 🙂 Hope you 're all having a lovely weekend - and if you 're out shopping then you 've managed to bag some bargins ! I may have given in and treated myself to an Amazon Fire - at that prize it 's almost silly not to , right ? 😉 Had a lovely meander round the Christmas markets as well so feeling nice and relaxed and all - set to get work to work lol ! Speaking of Christmassy , I 'm sharing a wee excerpt from my nw Christmas story , which will be out very soon . I 'm still finishing off and editing though , so please excuse any mistakes ! Hope you enjoy 🙂 Jeremiah glared at the glass contraption . Why did these humans insist on having strange mechanical things to do everything for them . No wonder they were slipping into darkness . How were people supposed to concentrate on what was important in life when everything they had and did was designed to save time and cut corners . Still , Holly had wanted coffee , she had in fact seemed extremely set on the idea and he knew this was the weird machine that apparently made it . There were a lot of buttons though . He pressed one , then another , then three at once . Not a damn thing . Seriously ? Why was it he had seen the conception of the universe , he knew truths that would make the human mind implode with their complexity , yet he couldn 't work some stupid bit of metal and glass . He glanced quickly around for Holly , no sign of her . Okay , then , just a little , tiny , cheat . He forced power into the machine . It instantly started to buzz and hum , the water bubbling frantically inside . Too much ? How could it be - coffee was hot water with beans in it . Hot was a necessary function . He pushed a bit more and a sharp crack echoed through the kitchen . Okay , maybe that didn 't sound good . The crack rapidly expanded all the way down the glass container part and water began creeping out , bringing streams of steam with it . Bah . He waved a hand again and the water disappeared . Fine . Why was he doing this the hard way . Glaring he put a cup on the worktop , waved a hand over it and it filled with a dark liquid . Stupid machines for everything . What was wrong with doing things by hand ? " Is that a huge crack in my coffee machine ? " He jumped at Holly 's soft voice behind him , spinning round guiltily . " Er , yeah . I just switched it on and it broke . Sorry . I 'll get you a new one . I got your coffee here though . " He handed the mug over . She gave him a small smile . " Don 't be silly , it was old anyway - though that 's really a huge crack . You didn 't burn yourself did you ? " Her voice was laced with concern and he simply shook his head . Updated : November 27 , 2016Categories : UncategorizedTags : amwriting , angels , author , books , Christmas romance , magic , new release , paranormal romance , reading , romance , writing , writing romance Guest Author Tami Veldura with Learning to Want Yay , it 's Friday - and Black Friday at that , so if you 're out shopping I hope you manage to grab some bargains 🙂 It seems to have got even colder here - the canal outside my house has frozen over and am huddled over my teeny work fire . Still , can 't be all bad , my parents are coming up to visit this weekend - plus I have the fab Tami Veldura dropping by . She 's chatting about her new release , Learning to Want - a sci - fi LGBT romance with elements of D / S and a full POC cast ( I 'm slightly in awe of someone who can fit all that into one novel - could you really ask for anything more ? ) I 'm a gemini , I enjoy long walks on the beac - wait , wrong bio . Let 's see : I 'm a full time writer with a dragon obsession and this persistent idea that if I insist hard enough , my whole life will look like the happily ever after in my favorite romance books . I 'm easily distracted by small kittens and have a book buying problem . So many more people know me as Tami than my legal name that I may just change it one day . When I was eight I was just starting school for the year and my mother took me to target for supplies . At the time , Lisa Frank was the brand to have and I came home with a pile of rainbow folders . Inside each folder , on the flap for your papers , was a two or three sentence paragraph about that Lisa Frank character : the unicorn , the puppies , the kittens . I copied that paragraph from each of my folders onto a piece of paper and brought it to my mother . My first story . She put it on the fridge . At the time I didn 't know writing was a thing , all I knew was the stories I was reading and the worlds I was living in were amazing and I needed more . Faster . So I 'd start writing them myself . But the average workday starts with a breakfast of grits or oatmeal , tea , and some time snuggling my pet rats while I wake up . I always keep a water bottle on my side table , but sometimes I 'll add a bottle of gatorade if I 'm feeling dehydrated . I review my social sites and writing forum , just catching up on the world , but by 8AM I sit down on my corner of the couch and start writing . I try to write for at least 3 hours every day , but sometimes editing or a book release can skew the schedule . The rest of my day is filled with all the administration work that comes with hybrid publishing . Some of my books are self published and managed , while others are through small presses . I 'd like to add copywork to my morning routine before I start writing . Copywork is a technique that 's been used for generations to teach kids how to write and by authors to study their betters . Regular copywork can improve handwriting , but it 's also very meditative , can improve vocabulary and technique , and act as a mental trigger for an artist to enter that flow state where creativity and intent align into perfect productivity . Now , I write romance , science fiction , and fantasy with LGBT + characters and themes . I 've been publishing regularly in the genre since 2010 , but in 2015 I discovered asexuality and realized that I belonged in this subgroup as well . It 's not a surprise I was drawn to the people and themes in these stories since I was living them myself . It 's been a much more personal journey since then . Oh there is a list of people who are constantly impressing me with their ability to craft a world or pivot their business . Amelia Faulkner , Cecil Wilde , and E . Davis off the top of my head . My focus lately has been developing stories that appeal to a mainstream audience to attract a more stable income stream . I 'm learning immense things from these established authors and I can 't wait to see how my readership grows . My phone : you might be surprised how much business I manage on a daily basis through my smartphone . Twitter , email , google hangouts - I 'm constantly on my phone communicating with editors , readers , coworkers and more . I have all of my work saved in the cloud , so phone access is possible on any file or book I could ever need to reference . A day without my phone puts me far behind ! The chromebook : A few years ago my life situation was a lot different than it is now . I had a day job with a decent commute and spent much of my time on the road outside of work , too . I needed a laptop that could go everywhere with me . I 've written books on my phone , but that is a tough process I wouldn 't recommend to anyone . The chromebook was the solution I decided on . With all my work in google 's cloud I could access it anywhere I could find wifi ( hello Starbucks and Panera ) but I could also sit in the car and write on a draft on a full keyboard . The chromebook is several years old now but still as zippy as ever . It 's my primary computer and sitting down to write anywhere and everywhere is easy . And it was only 200 $ 😉 Internet : While I could survive for a long time without the internet , ultimately my entire business requires it to function . I contact editors and artists through email . I connect with other authors on forums . I interact with my fans on social media . I even save my stories on the cloud . My Fiance : Is this a cliche ? I 'm supposed to avoid those 😉 Seriously , Fiance is critical to the success of my work . He supports me financially while I get this career underway which is both heartwarming and a heavy expectation . He knows I will be a famous author someday . That unconditional support is invaluable . He helps in smaller ways too , from traveling with me for research to reminding me to eat lunch . That second one happens more often than it should XD Learning To Want is my latest novella and features a 100 % POC cast . It 's a science fiction story set on an alien world where the ruling class uses sexual dominance and submission shows as political power . Atash is stuck at the bottom of the class system and hopes to teach Khoram how to submit . Khoram , meanwhile , is trying to avoid being killed by a mercenary clan boss : his former employer ! The initial story was only five thousand words long and spawned from a call for submissions for an anthology about BDSM with a small press . I didn 't end up in the anthology , but when Nine Star accepted the story for publication , they asked me to expand it into a novella . Much of the world and action / adventure plot developed out of that expansion process and took me several months ! Oh this one is easy : Madam Zoya ! ( That 's right I love my antagonist ) . Without Zoya , this book would have turned out much differently . When I first started writing she was just a convenient backstory name , but as the story evolved and grew her role expanded as well and became a critical driving force for not one , but both protagonists . Atash wants to teach Khoram the art of submitting by choice and maybe make a name for himself along the way . Khoram , however , isn 't here to play Atash 's political games . He 's going to escape , if his former employer doesn 't see him killed first . Hope you 're having a good week - and a very Happy Thanksgiving to all my US readers - piccies of yummy food have been flooding my social media all day so I 'm already feeling a wee bit jealous sat here at work 😉 Since we don 't have Thanksgiving here I hope you 'll forgive me for skipping ahead to Christmas - and today I 'm sharing a teaser from my upcoming Christmassy story . It hasn 't been fully edited yet - so do excuse any mistakes . I should have a cover and release date for you next week - but for now , I really hope you enjoy ! " Jeremiah , you have been summoned before the Council of Archangels to answer for your recent actions . " Jeremiah stood straight and tall in front of them . He was not going to beg for mercy or plead for his life . He was aware that he had … slipped . Where he had once loved his work , lived for it , been willing to believe in anyone or anything , then centuries of watching the selfishness and greed of humans had left him bitter , cynical even . These were no kind of emotions for an angel . The council would be well within their rights to end his existence , there was a part of him that would almost welcome it . The emptiness and peace of eternal oblivion , there was an appeal to that . He eyed up the solemn line of archangels . All tall , blond , well - built , ethereally beautiful , pure yet stern . He knew them all , had been friends with some of them once . It seemed a long time ago . When you lived forever then time started to lose all meaning . Their leader stepped forward . Rafael looked at him solemnly . " We have discussed the matter and reached a decision . " Jeremiah held his breath . This was it . They were going to pronounce sentence , end him . There was little mercy for one of his kind , there couldn 't be with the powers they possessed . " We have assigned you a job . A task , the outcome of which will decide your ultimate fate . " Jeremiah blinked at the taller angel in surprise . A task ? After the way his recent tasks had gone this was the last thing he 'd been expecting . " Why would you give me another task ? " He asked them in complete bewilderment . " This task has come from above , we have it on the highest authority that it is meant for you and you alone . " Instant denial shot through him . He didn 't want the responsibility any more , he didn 't want any of it . " I think there must be some mistake . " Rafael smiled at him . " You know as well as the rest of us , there are no mistakes . This task is for you , and the council has agreed that we will suspend our judgement on your previous actions pending the outcome of itTake care x Well , I don 't know about where you are , but November has definitely hit here and it 's bleedin ' freezing ! Even the Christmas lights have gone on this week so we must be into mid - winter * sighs * At least it looks twinkly ! It 's been a bit of an up and down week . My sort of surrogate gran passed last week ( used to be my gran - in - law but we 've still stayed in touch ) the funeral is tomorrow so will be a sad day . Writing - wise , it 's very much all - go . I 'm thinking I may have to admit defeat on Nano - I 'm currently just under 10k behind and with funeral tomorrow and family coming to visit at weekend it 's not looking very likely I 'll get back on target . ( I 'm still looking forward to them coming though - don 't worry Mum ! ) . I 'm not getting too stressed over it , I managed to get a standalone finished , some extra words on book 3 in my wolfie series and hopefully will get a Christmassy sort finished this week then can get it out in time lol . It 's angel - themed and I have some fab stock images to play with for a cover - can 't wait for you to see ! I 've also finally got back my first edits on book 2 in my wolves series . I think I 'm probably going to have to push release back to January now - but hey , I have a Christmas book for you in the meantime 😉 Weekend is finally here , hope you 've all got a fun one lined up ! I 'm thrilled to be joining in the My Sexy Saturday blog hop . The theme this week is My Sexy Holidays - damn , I guess we 're going to have to admit they are creeping up fast ! Still , one of the bright sides is lots of fun holiday stories - and I thought I 'd share a wee snippet from my upcoming one . Hope you enjoy 🙂 She followed him back to the tiny bathroom and managed to talk him through the shower controls without gaping too much . Really , it wasn 't fair for one guy to be that damn hot . When she leaned across to switch on the dial , she ended up losing her balance , one hand going out to catch herself and landing up on the expanse of golden skin on his chest . He was warm , so warm , and the skin beneath her fingers felt satin smooth over the rock hard muscles . Holly felt herself freeze , her eyes shooting up to meet his , seeing the blue darken and heat . His own hand reached out , running down her cheek before gently tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear . Holly held her breath , a trail of heat left in the wake of his touch . She wanted him to touch her more , to run her hands over all that golden skin , to follow that trail of hair down to … He took a step back , her hand falling away , and Holly 's face burned . What the fuck was she thinking ? There was no way he would want someone like her . Whirling on her heel she fled the suddenly claustrophobic bathroom , shutting the door behind her . Idiot ! Jeremiah cursed under his breath . What the hell ? He had never been affected by a human before , yet his body was rock hard and he actually ached with the effort it had required not to reach out and drag her to him . To cover her lush lips , to shape every inch of those delectable curves , to bury himself deep inside her . Fuck , what was he thinking ? His past transgressions were nothing compared to the trouble he would be in for sleeping with a human , especially one he 'd been sent to judge . He turned on the water and fiddled with the temperature dial she 'd shown him until it felt like there should be ice particles in the spray . Then he stood under it until he was chilled to the bone and his body finally decided to behave itself . Nothing was going to happen with Holly . He frowned , there was a catch somewhere , he just had to find it . These days no humans were kind and sweet for the sake of it , there was always an ulterior motive . He would find it , and then he would be done with her . Hope your week 's doing well . I may have been slightly distracted on my original Nano project into a Christmas story - but hey , it 's almost that time of year . Everyone loves Christmas stories right ? * shifty look * Anyway , I 'm enjoying it and it won 't be too long so hopefully can get it finished off soon and then out in time 🙂 In the meantime thoufh , I 'm sharing a teaser from my next wolves book , which I promise will be out soon ! I know I seem to have been saying that for a while but edits have taken longer than I thought they would and I don 't want it going out until it 's right . In the meantime though , hope you enjoy this 🙂 Quickening her pace , she headed down the winding track towards the main village . The light was fading fast , casting deep and slightly creepy shadows , while every rustle in the trees on either side made her start . It 's just your imagination , just your imagination . Or was it ? The rustling to her left was getting louder and steadier . Her heart started pounding as she broke into a half jog . The noises were closer though , effortlessly keeping up with her . Sweat broke out , trickling down her back and stinging her eyes . Oh God , what the hell had she been thinking heading out in the dark on her own ? Niko ? Relief made her not only telepathically reach out towards him - something she 'd never done before - but stop in her tracks . Thank God ! He would find her and … A huge , furry shape sprang from the shadows , heading straight for her . She screamed in terror as it knocked her down . There was a glimpse of bared teeth , hot breath on her face . Frantically she began scrabbling backwards , another shriek escaping her when a firm hand gripped her arm , dragging her to her feet . A human hand . For an instant she thought Niko had somehow magically found her , but this man was taller , thinner , with shaggy light brown hair . He was human though . He smiled at her and his eyes glowed in the faint moonlight . Fuck , not so human . She tried to run but the hand tightened on her arm , she was dragged back against him , a strong - smelling cloth pressed against her face . Her struggles slowed and darkness crept in . Another week is upon us - please no one tell me how many until Christmas lol . I think we can agree though this year is speeding by ! How are my fellow Nano - ers getting on ? I will admit I 'm lagging behind a bit as we hit the halfway mark . Still , I 'm trying not to get too worked up over it - I have more words than I did at the start of the month so that 's a win already , right ? Speaking of relaxation … does anyone have any fun plans for the week ? I 'm very excited that Fantastic Beasts is out on Friday - and am trying very hard to restrain from the midnight showing when I know I have work the next day . Wish me luck !
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When I was around nine years old , I was going someplace with Grandpa Al in the city , and we came up to the bus stop just as the bus was passing by . Grandpa Al and Grandma Amy both treated me like a one year old baby until I was eighteen , so when Grandpa looked at me and asked , " Can you run ? " I believe he meant it as a serious question . I took it seriously , of course , and gave him a stern , " Yes . " And off we ran , after the Muni bus ! We ran one block , just caught up with it as it stopped at a red light , and then the light turned and - darn it - we missed it ! But just . Now , all of my life until I was nine years old , I had known that my grandpa was a runner , but now I saw him running - unteathered . ( He would tie a rope around his middle and tie the other end to my bike , and pull me up the hills of San Francisco , but never before had I seen him run free , so to speak . ) The most striking thing about his running was the noise . He must have had just pockets and pockets full of change . The noise of the change clanging was just wonderfully deafening ! ( I recently noticed that Verona , Wisconsin has a street called " Silent Lane " . We could never live there . ) So we ran and ran , and every time we almost caught the bus , the light would turn green and we would loose it again . This went on for seven blocks . Oh , I was gasping for air ! And we were creating such a spectacle . We were so quick . We finally caught up with the bus , really , after seven blocks . ( I say seven . I really don 't remember . But it was a long ways . ) I boarded the bus with a feeling akin to that of reaching the top of a tall mountain . I had proven to Grandpa that I could run ! Gasping for breath . Alvin paid the fare with the buckets of change from his pockets . We rode for maybe three blocks , then got off of the bus at our destination . I was too young to see the irony , that we had run seven blocks to ride the bus for three . No matter . I 've probably already told this story . So what ? It 's my blog . * I 'll do as I wish . * I 've noticed that I lost two subscribers recently . I 'm wonderin8 comments : Now we think we 'll call the farm , " Wonderful Farm " . That 's what it is . Which is better ? Wonderful Farm or Hammerdown Manor ? It 's not exactly a manor , but whatever . Please vote in my poll . A few days ago , the washing machine started making an annoying high pitched screeching sound whenever it began to agitate . So , do it yourselfers that we are , we opened up the old Reader 's Digest Fix It Yourself Manuel and got to work . It 's amazing how something that was written over thirty years ago can still be so valid today . Things have changed a bit , but basically , you can just open up that old book and figure out how to do just about anything . The book called for us the turn the machine sideways , take a few things off the back , and adjust the main belt . So , that 's what we did ! No problem . After an hour of tinkering , we did our little " We did it ! " dance we learned from Dora the Explorer , and congratulated ourselves on a job well done . To test our work , we threw in the towels we used to clean up all the water that spilled out of the washer when we moved it , and started her up . Then we heard that familiar , ear piercing screech . Little Z likes to sometimes make a smaller version of what I 'm making . I 'll make a pizza , she 'll make a mini pizza . So , when I saw a tiny little pie pan at a thrift store a few days ago , I bought it for her . Tonight , I made a chicken pot pie . Little Z made a small strawberry pie in the tiny pie pan . ( She ate a bunch of the raw pastry dough - so much that I had to make more for us . ) It was still an hour until BAH was due to come home . Little Z looked rather cautiously at our pies . " Daddy like my pie ? " she asked . " Daddy will like your pie , " I assured her . " Daddy like my pie ? " she asked again , emphasis on the my . " Daddy isn 't a very picky eater . I think he 'll like your pie . Who wouldn 't like a strawberry pie ? " The filling was strawberries with honey . So , BAH got home and ate . Little Z wanted him to eat her pie first , but since it was a sweet thing , he explained the tradition of eating sweets last . When he finally ate it , of course he liked her pie ! How could he not ? She even made whipped topping ( with my help , of course - everything with a lot of help ! ) The whipped topping was a little over whipped , so that it was actually closer to butter . Mmmmm . I think she was relieved when he asked her for seconds - but , of course , she said " No " initially , because she 's two and a half , and it was her pie . He did manage to persuade her eventually to let him have a second piece of strawberry pie . I Like You by Amy SedarisSummary : No matter how long I live or what I do , I will never be as funny or as cool as Amy Sedaris . This book is for people who have a tiny side of them who would love to see Martha Stewart do psychedelic drugs . And , ( this isn 't part of the summary , but ) I was a fan of Amy and of Dave , separately , for quite a while before I realized ( from reading a story by Dave Sedaris ) that they are siblings . Oh , to be a fly on the wall when that family was having dinner and they were teenagers . ( I have a fondness for teenagers . ) The garden is right outside the dining room window , which is a good thing . I don 't forget to tend to it . ( There are a few weeds . ) Onions : Potatoes : Tomatoes : Spinach : I haven 't ever been able to grow spinach before . I planted it every year , and it just didn 't come up . I love spinach ! I guess I just needed a new garden . You know what they say about gardening : " location , location , location ! " Little Z loves quesadillas . Lately , she 's started calling them , " Armadillos " . We went to a restaurant , and I asked her , " Do you want to ' dino bite chicken bits ' or the ' quesadilla with french fries ' ? " " Armadillo ! Armadillo ! I eat the armadillo with french fries ! " she yelled ! So , for our non - American viewers , this is a quesadilla ( or 2 quesadillas , actually ) : This is an Armadillo : People don 't eat Armadillos , as far as I know . ( Except for Little Z , of course . ) I used to teach sixth grade reading and language arts . I gave a weekly spelling test . I bet you know how this goes . I gave the students words every Monday , to study for Friday 's spelling test . Then I read them out loud on Friday , and they copied them down and spelled them as well as they could . I wouldn 't do that today , but that 's how I taught it then . Anyway , one week there was a spelling word , " miscellaneous " . I got a bunch of papers with this on it : " Miss Salinas " . Miss Salinas was the seventh grade English teacher . I visited a good friend today . She told me that she had raised two Peafowl , a cock and a hen , from eggs at her mom 's farm in Dodgeville . She was going to give them to us as a housewarming gift . Unfortunately , they were both eaten by predators . If it is true that it is the thought that counts , I still think it was an incredibly nice thought . My dad told me a lot of stories when I was a kid . I 'm not sure why . Probably just because it was fun . When I say " stories , " I guess I really mean , " lies , " but they were all pretty harmless lies , so I 'm not sure they were really lies . Can 't you lie to kids now and then ? What about that Santa Claus thing ? ( I don 't lie too often , but Little Z may currently believe that she came from an egg , like her favorite penguin . ) He told me so many stories about so many things , that when he told me that wood came from trees , I absolutely did not believe him . Who could believe such insanity ? Many of my dad 's stories had to do with the city around us . Among other things , he told me : * If the bridges were ever out , we could go across the bay in either my Grandpa 's or Uncle David 's car , because Volkswagens float . * Those trees over by city hall are actually planted upside down . They raise them , then dig them up and turn them over . * There are no cemeteries in San Francisco , save the military one . ( This is actually true ! ) * A dinosaur guards the San Francisco Mint . That last one is really embarrassing . I mean , how could I ever believe that ? I would always try to find the dinosaur , whenever we went by there , " Where is the dinosaur ? " " Oh , he 's off around the other side . " I fell for that crap ! I still believed in the dinosaur even after we moved to the suburbs , when I started school and we went on a field trip to the San Francisco Mint . I still remember the bus ride , when we road through the neighborhood that had all the racy movies . The first theatre 's marquee said , " X RATED MOVIES ! " And all the kids on the bus said , " Oooooo . . . . " The next sign said , " XX RATED MOVIES ! " And all the kids on the bus said , " OooooHooo . . . . . . " The next sign said , " XXX RATED MOVIES ! " And all the kids on the bus cheered ! Anyway , they gave us a great tour of the mint , but the whole time I was wondering when they were going to show us where the dinosaur lived . Surely it would have to be a big sort of room or something , right ? Luckily , I was too shy to actually interrupt th11 comments : All of these plants sitting around the house are making the detailing and maintenance duties quite difficult for the processing committee . Actually , most of them are out in the ground as of today . My action plan was 110 % effective . ( I 'm practicing workspeak for my upcoming job interviews . ) I was following a police vehicle all the way home today , and it brought to mind a drive long ago , when I was around twelve years old and my dad was driving some little boxy Honda thing he had then . Dad : " Oh , there 's a cop . They shouldn 't allow them on the road , you know ? They hold up traffic . . . Look at this ! Everyone slows down as soon as they see a cop . They 're holding up traffic ! Shouldn 't be allowed on the road . " Little Me : " You 're not supposed to call them , ' cops , ' Dad . It 's , like , derogatory or something . We 're not supposed to call them cops at school . " Dad : " Derogatory ? No ! What ? ! No ! But they 're cops ! How could calling them ' cops ' be derogatory ? It 's what they are ! What are you supposed to call them , then ? " Little Me : " Police officers . " Dad : " Police officers ? ! POLICE OFFICERS ? ! You should call them , ' pigs ' . The next time they tell you to call them ' police officers ' at school , you just say , ' I call them pigs . ' Really . That 's what we used to call them . They should be happy you don 't call them ' pigs ' . " I was very pleased that I had gotten my dad all riled up like that . He probably doesn 't remember this conversation . When women clean , we clean , we scrub , we dust , we get things squared away , we perform housekeeping duties . When men clean , they detail , do maintenance , and perform janitorial services . Why is that ? I detailed the kitchen floor today , did some janitorial services in the downstairs bath , and performed some maintenance to the upstairs toilet . I 'm planning on detailing the living room carpet tomorrow . So , we did plan on eating some of the chickens - especially the roosters , since they don 't lay eggs . We kept humming and hawing over which one to slaughter for the first time . We were only going to slaughter one , to figure it all out . Yesterday , one of the chickens - a female - seemed to have a broken leg . We talked it over and decided to do it tonight . One of them being hurt decided for us which one to go . So , the plan was this : BAH would kill the chicken , then run away and cry while I cleaned it . As it happened , there was no crying involved . Without going into gory details , I can say that we clearly didn 't know what we were doing , but that chicken still had a much better life and death with us than it ever could have had on a factory farm . So , there you have it . It 's in the fridge - tomorrow 's dinner . It looks much fresher than anything you would get at a grocery store , of course . The whole thing wasn 't nearly as bad as I thought it would be . I always felt before that I shouldn 't eat anything unless I could kill it myself , and though BAH did the deed , I think I could . I was going to post a picture of it ready to cook , but I didn 't want to offend any vegetarian readers . I feel like such a farm lady , having butchered a chicken outside and now it 's setting in my refrigerator . How strange it all is . A thirteen year old version of me would be so repulsed ! Hey , Auntie Lou is going to England ! I 'm so happy for her . This reminds me of when I and Bad Ass Husband ( who recently shaved his beard , BTW ) travelled to London to visit Jennifer while she was doing something very impressive related to art history . ( Her college had a dead guy , stuffed , propped up in a chair for board meetings . I 'm not sure if this had anything to do with her future blog . One event in time does lead to another . ) So , right before the whole world of air travel changed for the worst for Americans , in August of 2001 , BAH and I went to London for a while , then Sweden , then London , then Scotland . Then London . Then we went over to Stonehenge - ( please ! Who are they fooling ? Totally concrete , and recent , too ) and then back to London . London , London , London . London is pretty awesome , all in all . Otherwise , why did we keep going back ? I guess it was partly the free rent and the friendship thing , but it really was something . I suppose I should write all about the wonders of the world to be found there . We saw all the usual things . Then we would come back to the flat , exhausted , and watch television . Television there was just such a trip for me . We couldn 't go anywhere before ten o ' clock in the morning , because I immediately became hooked on a morning soap opera called , " The Tribe " . It was one of those post - apocalyptic things , and in this one , everyone alive still was a teenager , and they were all in these gangs called , " tribes . " They basically went around acting like teenagers , the usual dramas . God only knows how they stayed alive . They were very into face painting . It was all just so low budget and trashy . I couldn 't get enough of it ! Once I returned to the US , I , of course , could not find The Tribe anywhere . It was as though it had never existed . It was a dream of mine , induced by too much pub beer and " English " prattle ( which , by the way , I did not understand in the slightest ) . The only remnant of it in my day - to - day life was when BAH would randomly sing me the two - second - long them song they used for commer6 comments : I was recently reading about the benefits of drinking red wine . I really like red wine . I went out and bought some . Normally , I just buy California red wines because I 'm loyal to the wine country . I lived in Sonoma County for a big chunk of my life . I went to high school in Sebastopol . I have to admit , when I first landed here in Wisconsin and heard they had wine , I said something like , " Pshaw . Okay . Whatever . " And didn 't give much thought to it since . I 've never questioned Wisconsin 's beers , mind you ( well , okay , " Milwaukee 's Best " ) but wine is another story . There are many stages one goes through when one becomes an ex - Northern Californian . I won 't go into it all , but one of them definitely has to do with overcoming your inner wine snob . Here is a picture of the local wine I chose to try : Maybe it 's not quite clear in the picture , but the type of wine is called , " red " . Not Merlot or Zin , not Syrah , not Cabernet Souvignon or Malbec or . . . you get the picture . IT ' S FREAKIN RED ! That 's what we know about it . It 's red . A real Californian ( read : Cellar Door 15 years ago ) might be given this wine as a gift and say to herself , let 's keep it for five years and see if it turns into a nice vinegar , and then we can clean the windows with it . . . But , see , this is where the recovery part comes in . So I , as a * recovering Californian , actually bought the wine and drank it . And it was good ! Really good ! It was very sweet . Tasting of plums , mostly . Not hinting at a flavor of plums , but really just tasting all out like ripe plums , in spite of being a grape wine . I 'd buy it again . * You never completely recover from being a Californian . You always are one , for better or worse . P . S . Californians are wonderful people ! I love quite a few of them . Yes , 300 hundred million Americans and I are all really disgusted with the new law in the state of Arizona requiring people who look foreign to show their papers or prove somehow that they are in Arizona legally . ( Well , at lest I hope 300 million others are as disgusted as I am . ) ( BTW - You know that Mexicans are the biggest group of illegal aliens in this country - but did you know the second and third groups are British and Swedish ? ) I do have a dear friend who lives in Arizona , and she 's not that bad . Really . She 's an awesome chic . Someone on Youtube had a clever idea . Here is what should be the new state song for Arizona : Show your papers . I just can 't believe it . I want to make a new garden area for winter squash and sunflowers . I picked a nice , sunny spot and rented an enormous , 500 lb tiller from the Co - op , which I actually got out of the truck all by myself . Then I put it back in all by myself , too . Brains over braun ! ( It 's another , " A girl did this ! " thing . ) I anticipated it being difficult to move in and out of the truck , but I made a little ramp and used an old foundation for leverage , and it was actually a piece of cake . The real difficulty was in controlling the thing while I was using it . I just couldn 't do it very effectively . I wasn 't strong enough or didn 't weigh enough , or maybe both . I got the job done , but not really that well done . I nicknamed the machine , not very affectionately , " The Bucking Bronco " . I expected to just carve a new garden in straight rows , out of the lawn , and finish when I was done , with a tilling pattern something like this : I would know I was finished , because I would say , " My , that looks big enough for my garden . " In reality , the machine dug holes in parts of the lawn and then just walked over other parts without tilling the grass . As I struggled and failed to maintain control , the tilling pattern really looked something like this : I knew I was finished , because I said , " I just cannot f * * * ing do this * * * * anymore ! " [ Meanwhile , in the house , there was a plumber trying to make our water drinkable ( we 've had to boil water of late ) and disconcertingly , he asked me how to do it - but that 's another story . ] So . There was too much green left , still . There . I fixed it . ( Maybe the rug will kill the grass if I leave it there a week . ) Today , I added some flowered sheets over the other green parts , which made it look extremely classy . It was and still is a rainy day . All day . " So what kind of tasks should I take on ? " I asked myself . I started a book that I downloaded to my Kindle a few w . . . The moment someone says " You remind me of my mother " is the moment my heart sinks . It 's one of the few black and white situations in life . Grey doesn 't ent . . . In our neighborhood , there 's a squirrel that is missing part of its tail . Instead of a long arching appendage , it has a short fluffy nubbin . I wonder what . . . Every so often , I toy with the idea of setting up a proper website . There 's a lot I 'd like to do and this blog has a couple of limitations . Not to mention . . .
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When I was around nine years old , I was going someplace with Grandpa Al in the city , and we came up to the bus stop just as the bus was passing by . Grandpa Al and Grandma Amy both treated me like a one year old baby until I was eighteen , so when Grandpa looked at me and asked , " Can you run ? " I believe he meant it as a serious question . I took it seriously , of course , and gave him a stern , " Yes . " And off we ran , after the Muni bus ! We ran one block , just caught up with it as it stopped at a red light , and then the light turned and - darn it - we missed it ! But just . Now , all of my life until I was nine years old , I had known that my grandpa was a runner , but now I saw him running - unteathered . ( He would tie a rope around his middle and tie the other end to my bike , and pull me up the hills of San Francisco , but never before had I seen him run free , so to speak . ) The most striking thing about his running was the noise . He must have had just pockets and pockets full of change . The noise of the change clanging was just wonderfully deafening ! ( I recently noticed that Verona , Wisconsin has a street called " Silent Lane " . We could never live there . ) So we ran and ran , and every time we almost caught the bus , the light would turn green and we would loose it again . This went on for seven blocks . Oh , I was gasping for air ! And we were creating such a spectacle . We were so quick . We finally caught up with the bus , really , after seven blocks . ( I say seven . I really don 't remember . But it was a long ways . ) I boarded the bus with a feeling akin to that of reaching the top of a tall mountain . I had proven to Grandpa that I could run ! Gasping for breath . Alvin paid the fare with the buckets of change from his pockets . We rode for maybe three blocks , then got off of the bus at our destination . I was too young to see the irony , that we had run seven blocks to ride the bus for three . No matter . I 've probably already told this story . So what ? It 's my blog . * I 'll do as I wish . * I 've noticed that I lost two subscribers recently . I 'm wonderin8 comments : Now we think we 'll call the farm , " Wonderful Farm " . That 's what it is . Which is better ? Wonderful Farm or Hammerdown Manor ? It 's not exactly a manor , but whatever . Please vote in my poll . A few days ago , the washing machine started making an annoying high pitched screeching sound whenever it began to agitate . So , do it yourselfers that we are , we opened up the old Reader 's Digest Fix It Yourself Manuel and got to work . It 's amazing how something that was written over thirty years ago can still be so valid today . Things have changed a bit , but basically , you can just open up that old book and figure out how to do just about anything . The book called for us the turn the machine sideways , take a few things off the back , and adjust the main belt . So , that 's what we did ! No problem . After an hour of tinkering , we did our little " We did it ! " dance we learned from Dora the Explorer , and congratulated ourselves on a job well done . To test our work , we threw in the towels we used to clean up all the water that spilled out of the washer when we moved it , and started her up . Then we heard that familiar , ear piercing screech . Little Z likes to sometimes make a smaller version of what I 'm making . I 'll make a pizza , she 'll make a mini pizza . So , when I saw a tiny little pie pan at a thrift store a few days ago , I bought it for her . Tonight , I made a chicken pot pie . Little Z made a small strawberry pie in the tiny pie pan . ( She ate a bunch of the raw pastry dough - so much that I had to make more for us . ) It was still an hour until BAH was due to come home . Little Z looked rather cautiously at our pies . " Daddy like my pie ? " she asked . " Daddy will like your pie , " I assured her . " Daddy like my pie ? " she asked again , emphasis on the my . " Daddy isn 't a very picky eater . I think he 'll like your pie . Who wouldn 't like a strawberry pie ? " The filling was strawberries with honey . So , BAH got home and ate . Little Z wanted him to eat her pie first , but since it was a sweet thing , he explained the tradition of eating sweets last . When he finally ate it , of course he liked her pie ! How could he not ? She even made whipped topping ( with my help , of course - everything with a lot of help ! ) The whipped topping was a little over whipped , so that it was actually closer to butter . Mmmmm . I think she was relieved when he asked her for seconds - but , of course , she said " No " initially , because she 's two and a half , and it was her pie . He did manage to persuade her eventually to let him have a second piece of strawberry pie . I Like You by Amy SedarisSummary : No matter how long I live or what I do , I will never be as funny or as cool as Amy Sedaris . This book is for people who have a tiny side of them who would love to see Martha Stewart do psychedelic drugs . And , ( this isn 't part of the summary , but ) I was a fan of Amy and of Dave , separately , for quite a while before I realized ( from reading a story by Dave Sedaris ) that they are siblings . Oh , to be a fly on the wall when that family was having dinner and they were teenagers . ( I have a fondness for teenagers . ) The garden is right outside the dining room window , which is a good thing . I don 't forget to tend to it . ( There are a few weeds . ) Onions : Potatoes : Tomatoes : Spinach : I haven 't ever been able to grow spinach before . I planted it every year , and it just didn 't come up . I love spinach ! I guess I just needed a new garden . You know what they say about gardening : " location , location , location ! " Little Z loves quesadillas . Lately , she 's started calling them , " Armadillos " . We went to a restaurant , and I asked her , " Do you want to ' dino bite chicken bits ' or the ' quesadilla with french fries ' ? " " Armadillo ! Armadillo ! I eat the armadillo with french fries ! " she yelled ! So , for our non - American viewers , this is a quesadilla ( or 2 quesadillas , actually ) : This is an Armadillo : People don 't eat Armadillos , as far as I know . ( Except for Little Z , of course . ) I used to teach sixth grade reading and language arts . I gave a weekly spelling test . I bet you know how this goes . I gave the students words every Monday , to study for Friday 's spelling test . Then I read them out loud on Friday , and they copied them down and spelled them as well as they could . I wouldn 't do that today , but that 's how I taught it then . Anyway , one week there was a spelling word , " miscellaneous " . I got a bunch of papers with this on it : " Miss Salinas " . Miss Salinas was the seventh grade English teacher . I visited a good friend today . She told me that she had raised two Peafowl , a cock and a hen , from eggs at her mom 's farm in Dodgeville . She was going to give them to us as a housewarming gift . Unfortunately , they were both eaten by predators . If it is true that it is the thought that counts , I still think it was an incredibly nice thought . My dad told me a lot of stories when I was a kid . I 'm not sure why . Probably just because it was fun . When I say " stories , " I guess I really mean , " lies , " but they were all pretty harmless lies , so I 'm not sure they were really lies . Can 't you lie to kids now and then ? What about that Santa Claus thing ? ( I don 't lie too often , but Little Z may currently believe that she came from an egg , like her favorite penguin . ) He told me so many stories about so many things , that when he told me that wood came from trees , I absolutely did not believe him . Who could believe such insanity ? Many of my dad 's stories had to do with the city around us . Among other things , he told me : * If the bridges were ever out , we could go across the bay in either my Grandpa 's or Uncle David 's car , because Volkswagens float . * Those trees over by city hall are actually planted upside down . They raise them , then dig them up and turn them over . * There are no cemeteries in San Francisco , save the military one . ( This is actually true ! ) * A dinosaur guards the San Francisco Mint . That last one is really embarrassing . I mean , how could I ever believe that ? I would always try to find the dinosaur , whenever we went by there , " Where is the dinosaur ? " " Oh , he 's off around the other side . " I fell for that crap ! I still believed in the dinosaur even after we moved to the suburbs , when I started school and we went on a field trip to the San Francisco Mint . I still remember the bus ride , when we road through the neighborhood that had all the racy movies . The first theatre 's marquee said , " X RATED MOVIES ! " And all the kids on the bus said , " Oooooo . . . . " The next sign said , " XX RATED MOVIES ! " And all the kids on the bus said , " OooooHooo . . . . . . " The next sign said , " XXX RATED MOVIES ! " And all the kids on the bus cheered ! Anyway , they gave us a great tour of the mint , but the whole time I was wondering when they were going to show us where the dinosaur lived . Surely it would have to be a big sort of room or something , right ? Luckily , I was too shy to actually interrupt th11 comments : All of these plants sitting around the house are making the detailing and maintenance duties quite difficult for the processing committee . Actually , most of them are out in the ground as of today . My action plan was 110 % effective . ( I 'm practicing workspeak for my upcoming job interviews . ) I was following a police vehicle all the way home today , and it brought to mind a drive long ago , when I was around twelve years old and my dad was driving some little boxy Honda thing he had then . Dad : " Oh , there 's a cop . They shouldn 't allow them on the road , you know ? They hold up traffic . . . Look at this ! Everyone slows down as soon as they see a cop . They 're holding up traffic ! Shouldn 't be allowed on the road . " Little Me : " You 're not supposed to call them , ' cops , ' Dad . It 's , like , derogatory or something . We 're not supposed to call them cops at school . " Dad : " Derogatory ? No ! What ? ! No ! But they 're cops ! How could calling them ' cops ' be derogatory ? It 's what they are ! What are you supposed to call them , then ? " Little Me : " Police officers . " Dad : " Police officers ? ! POLICE OFFICERS ? ! You should call them , ' pigs ' . The next time they tell you to call them ' police officers ' at school , you just say , ' I call them pigs . ' Really . That 's what we used to call them . They should be happy you don 't call them ' pigs ' . " I was very pleased that I had gotten my dad all riled up like that . He probably doesn 't remember this conversation . When women clean , we clean , we scrub , we dust , we get things squared away , we perform housekeeping duties . When men clean , they detail , do maintenance , and perform janitorial services . Why is that ? I detailed the kitchen floor today , did some janitorial services in the downstairs bath , and performed some maintenance to the upstairs toilet . I 'm planning on detailing the living room carpet tomorrow . So , we did plan on eating some of the chickens - especially the roosters , since they don 't lay eggs . We kept humming and hawing over which one to slaughter for the first time . We were only going to slaughter one , to figure it all out . Yesterday , one of the chickens - a female - seemed to have a broken leg . We talked it over and decided to do it tonight . One of them being hurt decided for us which one to go . So , the plan was this : BAH would kill the chicken , then run away and cry while I cleaned it . As it happened , there was no crying involved . Without going into gory details , I can say that we clearly didn 't know what we were doing , but that chicken still had a much better life and death with us than it ever could have had on a factory farm . So , there you have it . It 's in the fridge - tomorrow 's dinner . It looks much fresher than anything you would get at a grocery store , of course . The whole thing wasn 't nearly as bad as I thought it would be . I always felt before that I shouldn 't eat anything unless I could kill it myself , and though BAH did the deed , I think I could . I was going to post a picture of it ready to cook , but I didn 't want to offend any vegetarian readers . I feel like such a farm lady , having butchered a chicken outside and now it 's setting in my refrigerator . How strange it all is . A thirteen year old version of me would be so repulsed ! Hey , Auntie Lou is going to England ! I 'm so happy for her . This reminds me of when I and Bad Ass Husband ( who recently shaved his beard , BTW ) travelled to London to visit Jennifer while she was doing something very impressive related to art history . ( Her college had a dead guy , stuffed , propped up in a chair for board meetings . I 'm not sure if this had anything to do with her future blog . One event in time does lead to another . ) So , right before the whole world of air travel changed for the worst for Americans , in August of 2001 , BAH and I went to London for a while , then Sweden , then London , then Scotland . Then London . Then we went over to Stonehenge - ( please ! Who are they fooling ? Totally concrete , and recent , too ) and then back to London . London , London , London . London is pretty awesome , all in all . Otherwise , why did we keep going back ? I guess it was partly the free rent and the friendship thing , but it really was something . I suppose I should write all about the wonders of the world to be found there . We saw all the usual things . Then we would come back to the flat , exhausted , and watch television . Television there was just such a trip for me . We couldn 't go anywhere before ten o ' clock in the morning , because I immediately became hooked on a morning soap opera called , " The Tribe " . It was one of those post - apocalyptic things , and in this one , everyone alive still was a teenager , and they were all in these gangs called , " tribes . " They basically went around acting like teenagers , the usual dramas . God only knows how they stayed alive . They were very into face painting . It was all just so low budget and trashy . I couldn 't get enough of it ! Once I returned to the US , I , of course , could not find The Tribe anywhere . It was as though it had never existed . It was a dream of mine , induced by too much pub beer and " English " prattle ( which , by the way , I did not understand in the slightest ) . The only remnant of it in my day - to - day life was when BAH would randomly sing me the two - second - long them song they used for commer6 comments : I was recently reading about the benefits of drinking red wine . I really like red wine . I went out and bought some . Normally , I just buy California red wines because I 'm loyal to the wine country . I lived in Sonoma County for a big chunk of my life . I went to high school in Sebastopol . I have to admit , when I first landed here in Wisconsin and heard they had wine , I said something like , " Pshaw . Okay . Whatever . " And didn 't give much thought to it since . I 've never questioned Wisconsin 's beers , mind you ( well , okay , " Milwaukee 's Best " ) but wine is another story . There are many stages one goes through when one becomes an ex - Northern Californian . I won 't go into it all , but one of them definitely has to do with overcoming your inner wine snob . Here is a picture of the local wine I chose to try : Maybe it 's not quite clear in the picture , but the type of wine is called , " red " . Not Merlot or Zin , not Syrah , not Cabernet Souvignon or Malbec or . . . you get the picture . IT ' S FREAKIN RED ! That 's what we know about it . It 's red . A real Californian ( read : Cellar Door 15 years ago ) might be given this wine as a gift and say to herself , let 's keep it for five years and see if it turns into a nice vinegar , and then we can clean the windows with it . . . But , see , this is where the recovery part comes in . So I , as a * recovering Californian , actually bought the wine and drank it . And it was good ! Really good ! It was very sweet . Tasting of plums , mostly . Not hinting at a flavor of plums , but really just tasting all out like ripe plums , in spite of being a grape wine . I 'd buy it again . * You never completely recover from being a Californian . You always are one , for better or worse . P . S . Californians are wonderful people ! I love quite a few of them . Yes , 300 hundred million Americans and I are all really disgusted with the new law in the state of Arizona requiring people who look foreign to show their papers or prove somehow that they are in Arizona legally . ( Well , at lest I hope 300 million others are as disgusted as I am . ) ( BTW - You know that Mexicans are the biggest group of illegal aliens in this country - but did you know the second and third groups are British and Swedish ? ) I do have a dear friend who lives in Arizona , and she 's not that bad . Really . She 's an awesome chic . Someone on Youtube had a clever idea . Here is what should be the new state song for Arizona : Show your papers . I just can 't believe it . I want to make a new garden area for winter squash and sunflowers . I picked a nice , sunny spot and rented an enormous , 500 lb tiller from the Co - op , which I actually got out of the truck all by myself . Then I put it back in all by myself , too . Brains over braun ! ( It 's another , " A girl did this ! " thing . ) I anticipated it being difficult to move in and out of the truck , but I made a little ramp and used an old foundation for leverage , and it was actually a piece of cake . The real difficulty was in controlling the thing while I was using it . I just couldn 't do it very effectively . I wasn 't strong enough or didn 't weigh enough , or maybe both . I got the job done , but not really that well done . I nicknamed the machine , not very affectionately , " The Bucking Bronco " . I expected to just carve a new garden in straight rows , out of the lawn , and finish when I was done , with a tilling pattern something like this : I would know I was finished , because I would say , " My , that looks big enough for my garden . " In reality , the machine dug holes in parts of the lawn and then just walked over other parts without tilling the grass . As I struggled and failed to maintain control , the tilling pattern really looked something like this : I knew I was finished , because I said , " I just cannot f * * * ing do this * * * * anymore ! " [ Meanwhile , in the house , there was a plumber trying to make our water drinkable ( we 've had to boil water of late ) and disconcertingly , he asked me how to do it - but that 's another story . ] So . There was too much green left , still . There . I fixed it . ( Maybe the rug will kill the grass if I leave it there a week . ) Today , I added some flowered sheets over the other green parts , which made it look extremely classy . It was and still is a rainy day . All day . " So what kind of tasks should I take on ? " I asked myself . I started a book that I downloaded to my Kindle a few w . . . The moment someone says " You remind me of my mother " is the moment my heart sinks . It 's one of the few black and white situations in life . Grey doesn 't ent . . . In our neighborhood , there 's a squirrel that is missing part of its tail . Instead of a long arching appendage , it has a short fluffy nubbin . I wonder what . . . Every so often , I toy with the idea of setting up a proper website . There 's a lot I 'd like to do and this blog has a couple of limitations . Not to mention . . .
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years ago today , a man walked into his church , his family in front of him , his friends and fellow parishioners beside him . As his wife walked into the blessed sanctuary of their church family 's home , this man struck up a conversation with a friend in the lobby as he prepared to usher the service & hand out church bulletins . Perhaps these two men his duties as church usher that morning and the other a long time friend of their family seeking out a brief hello before their church service started , began to talk about something , and did so for a few minutes . With his wife sitting quietly in the pew , waiting to be accompanied by her husband , he was enjoying the camaraderie of his church home and he was preparing to worship the God he loved so very much . In hindsight , perhaps someone should have noticed the stranger lurking outside , the stranger who had been there at that church weeks before when this man , talking to his old friend of several years whose wife awaited him in the sanctuary of their church , had been vacationing with his family elsewhere . Perhaps in hindsight , someone should have noticed that this stranger , pacing the outdoors , wasnt a familiar face , wasnt a parishioner they 'd ever seen before . Perhaps in hindsight , someone should have noticed that he was oddly dressed , hands in his pockets , sweating slightly but clearly preparing to enter the lobby of this church . Perhaps in hindsight , someone should have known that Dr George Tiller , talking quietly with his old friend and preparing to go worship God with his wife by his side , was about to be shot in the head at point the idea that we memorialize anyone based on HOW they died , instead of how they LIVED . And yet , when we talk of Dr George Tiller , we tend to focus on the murder & murderer more than the substance of the life before it . And so today , four years after his assassin shot him in the head in the foyer of Reformation Lutheran Church in Wichita , KS as he handed out church bulletins , I propose we remember the man before the murder , instead of the man after . Dr Tiller graduated from the University of Kansas School of Medicine and went on to serve in the United States Navy as a flight surgeon . After the tragic death of both his parents , brother in law , and sister in an airplane crash , Dr Tiller have up his plans to begin a dermatology practice to take over his father 's private medical practice and began raising his 1 year old nephew , orphaned by his parents death . It was at this time that Dr Tiller discovered that his father 's practice had secretly offered abortion care to its patients . Dr Tiller made the brave the anti choice movement , enduring daily vigils & threats to his life and his family 's lives by anti choice groups at his clinic . In 1986 , his clinic was firebombed . In 1993 , he was shot five times while leaving his clinic in his car . The shooter in this case later said the gunshots were aimed at Dr Tiller 's hands so that he would no longer be able to provide abortion care to the women who sought him out for , often times , life saving abortion procedures . Before his death in 2009 , Dr Tiller was the focus of 28 episodes of a Fox News program that placed special emphasis on his practice , resulting in even more protests and threats to his clinic and life , as well as to perpetuate the nasty name calling that began with a Congressman on the floor of Congress and was continued until his assassination in 2009 by several conservative talk show hosts , one in particular . And just two months prior to his death , Dr Tiller was acquitted of ALL charges ( 19 in all ) in a case that many compared to the trials at Nuremberg and which prompted NYU Professor Jacob Appel to be quoted as saying that Dr Tiller was " a genuine hero who ranks alongside Susan B . Anthony and Martin Luther King Jr . in the pantheon of defenders of human liberty . " Dr Tiller 's life was not and is not defined by the vitriol that preceded his death . To the women helped by Dr Tiller and his clinic staff , he was a kind , compassionate man with a soft & gentle demeanor who worked tirelessly to free women who chose abortion of the stigma that , sadly , still exists today . He was known for using the phrase , " Trust women . " , an assertion that women are perfectly capable of a recovery room nurse in abortion care services at Planned Parenthood of the St Louis Region ( PPSLR ) . My best friend , also a nurse at PPSLR , entered my room that morning with tears in his eyes , and when I asked what was wrong , he said only , " They killed him . They finally killed Dr Tiller . They finally did it . " It was an impossibly sad moment and morning and it was one filled with fear . We entered our clinic , a clinic well known doctor who had frequently been the target of threats and attacks , past vicious protesters every single day . We were sometimes followed home by protesters , we were sometimes witness to signs that carried our personal information and were meant to shame us out of providing safe and legal abortion care to women . And while historically , we walked through that line of protesters in order to continue providing the care women so desperately needed . We , like Dr Tiller , would not be stopped . If I had started this by telling you the story of a man shot at point blank range in the foyer of his church , handing out bulletins and talking quietly to an old friend while his wife waited quietly in their usual pew for him in the sanctuary , but instead of using Dr Tiller 's name I 'd used someone else 's , it 's doubtful anyone would feel anything but shock and complete disgust for such a heinous crime . Which calls to mind this contradiction we continue to live with , even 4 years later . There exists in our society an idea that some murder , some death at the hands of those who claim to be doing God 's will , is acceptable . There exists in our society a concept that shaming women , stealing their right to hold dominion over their own bodies , is an acceptable manner in which to legislate . There exists in our society an exception - almost a forgiveness - for the vicious murder and assassination of someone who does something others don 't like . And if we have learned anything about Dr Tiller 's life AND death , it is that there 's nothing less " pro life " than that . Anaïs a bullet but instead , can only die out if we let the light shine less brightly . So today , as we remember not the murder of a great man but alternately , the life of a remarkable and magnificent advocate & caregiver , let us lift our voices and insist his legacy be who we ARE and not who we COULD be , if not for the oppression we seem to find such trouble escaping . Rest in peace , Dr Tiller . Always . On its Facebook page for this event , the Federalist Society wrote that hosted controversial conservative journalist Cathy Young at the university 's campus to discuss false rape accusations and the " irreparable damage they do to individuals and our society . " The Federalist Society , a libertarian student organization , also plans to " balance " the discussion with a happy hour tomorrow with the Mark Twain Law Society , an all - male club within SLU Law . Law Students for Reproductive Justice were not invited to participate in the discussion and were only invited to the happy hour after the media was alerted and attended the event . " I find it absolutely disturbing , " said Emily Rosenfeld , president of Law Students for Reproductive Justice ( LSRJ ) . " There are some things in the world worth fighting for , and in my opinion the rights of sexual assault survivors rank high on that list . I am ashamed that anyone on this campus thinks it is okay to trivialize the pain and injustice that so many survivors go through . Furthermore , she singled out a few high profile cases that attracted heavy media frenzy but this only seeks to further trivialize the vast amount of sexual assaults that go unreported . " Another LSRJ member Erin Lenahan further remarked that , " we shouldn 't have to keep fighting this battle . We all know that rape is terrible and we all know that lying about being raped is bad . So how do we protect actual victims while upholding our legal notion of ' innocent until proven guilty ' ? There is no easy answer , but choosing to address claims of false rape only serve as another way to point a finger rather than finding a solution . " I 've been watching the news , much like we all have , with great intrigue of late . The Republican candidate for the office of President is being asked to provide copies of his tax refunds for a large number of fiscal years , and he has declined to offer any more than two years worth . He has stated staunchly that he will not release any more information on the topic , that the American people have all the information they need with regards to his financials , and that this is a matter of private information that need not be discussed further . I can 't help but laugh at this , especially when I consider that this candidate 's party has worked very hard to turn the personal matters of women across the country into a very public debate and yet , very few people are putting their foot down to say " Enough already - you don 't get to make decisions about our bodies any more - end of discussion ! " This begs the question : why do Americans tolerate privacy when it comes to money but not to medicine ? Why do Americans respect women so little that the privacy of a woman to make reproductive health choices with her doctor must also involve her senator and her senator 's priest ? Why do Americans continue to allow the systematic shaming of 51 % of the U . S . population ? I was once traveling on a plane from Orlando , Florida after a family vacation , where I found myself sitting next to a woman in her mid 40 's , who was just as chatty as I am . We found that we had plenty in common : she happened to be from Upstate New York , just like me , and she happened to be returning from the Virgin Islands because the beach is her favorite respite , just like me . I felt an instant connection to this woman . I felt she was a kind , compassionate , funny lady and I enjoyed her sense of humor , her stories , and indeed , her attitude in general . I felt safe talking with her about all sorts of things : my recent & tumultuous break up with a man I had felt I 'd marry and start a family with , the miscarriage that occurred in the aftermath of that relationship 's demise , the challenges of being away from my family and closest friends during such a traumatic time . I shared intimate stories with this woman , whom I will call Annie , and I did so because my gut instinct told me that she was a safe person to talk with , to share with . At the time , I was a nurse in the recovery room of an abortion care facility . In addition to my duties as a nurse doing patient intake for procedures , medicating patients , caring for women during their procedures , and preparing women to go home after their procedure with the appropriate aftercare information , I had also begun training as a counselor at this facility . This role saw me talking with women about their choices and how they had come to the decision to terminate their pregnancy , being mindful to ensure that this was the woman 's choice , and not one as a result of coercion from her partner , her family , or any other force in her life . Every day that I came to work , I was forced to walk from my car to the front door of my job through a crowd of protesters , some of whom merely prayed quietly and offered me prayer cards , while others attempted to block my entrance into work while screaming and calling me hate filled names like " Baby Killer " . I knew firsthand how difficult it was to BE a nurse at an abortion care facility and so as a result , I also knew how difficult it was to TELL someone that I was a nurse at an abortion care facility . And so when Annie innocuously asked me what I did for a living , I hesitated with good reason . Here I was on a plane 30 , 000 feet in the air , and unsure of whether my seatmate would accept my answer with support or opposition . It was a familiar problem for me , because the fact is , it 's not easy to say you work in an abortion care facility and it 's even harder to say you 've had an abortion in a culture that has turned a women 's intimate choices about her own personal healthcare into a national debate fit for all ears . But why is that ? 1 . 37 million abortions happen in the United States every year , which is roughly 3 , 700 abortions a day . 52 % of those are performed for women under the age of 25 . It is estimated that 43 % of all women will have at least one abortion by the age of 45 and that 7 in 10 women of reproductive age are sexually active . 98 % of women who have ever had sex report having used at least one form of birth control . 62 % of women of reproductive age currently use contraception , which is double that of the 31 % of women who don 't use contraception because of issues such as infertility ; current pregnancy ; post partum ; sexually inactive ; and those who are actively trying to become pregnant . This leaves 7 % - that 's seven percent - of women of reproductive age at risk of unwanted pregnancies . * * The numbers don 't lie , really - Women are having abortions . Women are using contraception . Women are having sex . And yet , I still worry about telling a relative stranger that for my job , I help women choose the appropriate birth control for their lifestyle , that I assist women in discussing the realities of their pregnancy & how they will move forward in managing either its continuance or termination , and that I hold women 's hands as they leave the recovery room of a facility safe in the knowledge that they have received quality , legal healthcare with dignity & respect . My voice is stifled because of fear , and its representative of what women who choose abortion must live with every day . And simply put , this is not fair and it must change . As it turns out , my gut told me that it would be safe to share with Annie what my real job was . So instead of saying to Annie , " Oh , I 'm a nurse in women 's health care " , I told her , " I am a nurse in the recovery room of an abortion care facility . I help women before and after their procedures , and I also do some counseling for the facility , which is the first step in obtaining an abortion where I live . " Annie 's face was frozen in a half smile , and for a brief moment I feared that I 'd made the wrong choice . And then , a tear rolled down Annie 's cheek . And she shared a story with me that I will never forget and one that I will share with you now : Annie had a 17 year old daughter who was graduating high school that year . She was excited to be attending a respected state university and looking forward to a career in teaching . Her daughter had a long term boyfriend and it was just after Christmas at the end of the past year that Annie 's daughter & boyfriend came to her to tell her that she was pregnant . Annie shared with me the very raw emotions of learning of her daughter 's unplanned pregnancy : the anger , the sadness , the fear . She asked her daughter what she wanted to do and her daughter stated tearfully & with eyes full of fear and angst that she had talked to a few facilities on the phone about her options and that she believed an abortion was the best decision to secure the best life & future for all concerned parties . Annie did not agree with abortion , but she wanted to support her daughter the best she could and despite the conflict it presented to Annie spiritually , she admitted that it was a relief of sorts that this choice was available to her daughter , whose life seemed ready to crumble into pieces in front of her . Annie prayed for several days about this personal dilemma , and ultimately felt that God would always respect her and her daughter and that through these conversation s of prayer she was able to quiet the fear that society would judge her daughter & family without knowing the monstrous impact a pregnancy would have on her daughter 's young life . So Annie took her daughter to the clinic where she spoke with counselors and had ultrasounds and ultimately solidified her decision to terminate her pregnancy . Annie was , in her words , overwhelmed with a " guilty sense of relief " . And then , like 3 , 699 other women ever day , Annie 's daughter had an abortion . And Annie told no one . Not her daughter 's father , not her best friend whom she 'd known for 20 + years , not the coworker whose sister had also had an abortion and spoke openly about amongst their colleagues . Annie kept her daughter 's abortion deep inside her and uttered nothing abBut why is this story so unique ? Why does it take an isolated place miles upon miles in the air with a stranger to talk about abortion and who or how it has affected your life and the life of those you love , positively ? Why do we continue to perpetuate this climate of silence , of shame against those who exercise their freedom of choice ? 43 % of women will have had an abortion by the time they turn 45 years old . And that 's 43 % of women who are being bullied into speechlessness . How will YOU help to remind those 43 % that their voices matter ? How can we all remind woman that they should not be ashamed for taking spiritual & physical control of their bodies ? How will we change the negative culture of shaming women for not only answering God 's call to pray but for listening to his answers and applying that personal interaction as they see fit in their lives ? It has been said that oppression can only survive through silence . So if you ask me , it 's time to make some noise . If that isn 't a title to catch your attention , I don 't know what is ! This past week the word " vagina " certainly caught the headlines of major newspapers across the United States . Michigan House Representative Lisa Brown was silenced for saying the word " vagina " in the House . She was attempting to speak against a host of restrictive pieces of legislation that will make abortion in Michigan almost completely inaccessible . Since then , a lot of progressive women and men I think it 's absolutely shameful that in the 21st century we still need to fight this battle . Honestly , any church can proclaim whatever values they want . I don 't care if a church says that birth control is a sin . It 's their right . That 's what freedom of conscience is about . That 's what being in a democracy is about . But no person should be able to force their religious values on another person . That 's also what democracy is about . Nothing has supported women 's equality more than access to birth control . It has been one of the most important steps our society has taken to give women control over their lives . It allows women to pursue and the number of abortions . It seems pretty logical , doesn 't it ? But somehow , I don 't believe logic has anything to do with what the Republicans are doing now . If this was about logic , this legislation would not exist . The term " war on women " has become very prevalent in the news . There have been many attempts to discredit this term from the Republican side . But , given that the pursuit of their " moral values " is clearly irrational , then I think this is absolutely a war on women . I think that what is being uncovered is the strong underbelly of sexism that never disappeared with the advent of the women 's movement . It went underground , and is now reappearing , a wolf in sheep 's clothing . There are still strong pockets , mostly men and some women , who are deeply uncomfortable with women who are not under the control of men . That 's it , pure and simple . Somehow our equality , our ability to make decisions about our lives , our bodies , outside of the influence of men , is still deeply disturbing and it 's becoming more acceptable to express this discomfort in American culture and have it taken seriously . the decisions we needed to make ? It is time for millions of women to tell their stories . And I 'm gonna start by telling mine . I know I 'm a minister and that some of my parishioners are going to read this . I also information ) for some of you . But really , all of us , every woman who wants for her daughters and grand daughters a world that will honor and respect them , needs to tell her story . The culture that would say this I became sexually active at 16 . I was , admittedly , too young . I should have waited , but hindsight is 20 / 20 . Fortunately , I had some sex education in the public school system between the ages of 10 and 16 . It wasn 't the best education . It was age appropriate and very technical . In high school , mostly it consisted of slide presentations of what happens to a body ravaged by different sexually transmitted diseases . Our teachers emphasized the importance of using a condom to protect against these STDs . I didn 't get any education about self - respect , how to say yes , how to say no , and how to know when it 's the right time . But I did know that I sure didn 't want any of those diseases ! And I knew I did not want to become pregnant . I wanted to go to university and be a career woman . My plan was to finish my education and have my career going by the age of 28 - 30 . I wanted two children in my 30s , while building my career . I never planned to stop working . At first I used condoms because I was afraid to go to our family doctor and get birth control pills . I think that part of my reasoning included that I could tell myself that I wasn 't really fully sexually active . I had condoms in case it happened . Using the birth control pills meant that I expected it to happen and that I was a fully sexually active person . I wasn 't ready to see myself that way . I think deep down I was ashamed of being sexually active , and using condoms allowed me to see myself as only partly sexually active , and thus , more moral . That lasted about two years , and I became more comfortable seeing myself as a sexually active person . I wanted to be even more safe . I decided I wanted to go on the birth control pill . I made a visit to see my family doctor , the same doctor that cared for our whole family - my mother , father , three brothers and myself . I was scared to see him . I 'd never had an internal exam and I didn 't know if he would feel obliged to tell my family . I had the courage to ask the secretary when I I really did not want my parents to know , so I asked to borrow the car to go to school that day , saying I had some kind of meeting after school . I really hoped that would work . Unfortunately , my mother said she needed the car , and she would be happy to pick me up from school . So now I was in a dilemma . Was I going to lie to my mother or tell her the truth ? I decided to tell her . I think she went as white as a sheet . I was so very afraid of her judgment . She was quiet for a while , and then she swallowed hard , and said to me , " Well , I raised you to be responsible and to be independent . And you 're obviously being independent in a responsible way , so I will take you to the doctor . " Bless my mother . Honestly , I was relieved she knew . I felt like I was carrying a big bad secret , and deep down , truth be told , there was in me the deep conditioning that " good girls " didn 't do this . " Good girls " didn 't have sex before marriage . Having her know , and tell me I was responsible , was a big deal . I don 't think she knew what a big deal There is one thing I do regret , however , and that is that I did not tell my father . I wish I had but I was too scared to . I wish I had trusted him enough to share with him . Not telling him was more about me than about him . But , it was also my right to make that decision . Luckily there was no law that would force me , a minor , to get my father 's consent to get the birth control pill . earned during the summer . I think it was about $ 20 a month . ( Prescription meds are much cheaper in Canada than the U . S . ) Then I went to university . Both universities I attended offered birth control free to all their female students . This was great because of course , as a student , I was on a limited income , and even the $ 20 a month would have been hard . My parents were not in a position to help us pay for university so I was on my own . I always worked full time in the summer , I think it 's also important to say that I had a lot of trouble with the birth control pill . Some women have absolutely no problem with it . I was not one of those women . My hormones were all over the place . I gained a lot of weight . I got sick with a lot of feminine issues . I finally spoke to my doctor about using a different form of birth control . The doctor was resistant , with good reason . Young women who are not on birth control have a much higher rate of unplanned pregnancies and abortions . She did not want me to face that possibility . But in the end , we explored other ways for me to have safer Now I debated whether to include this because I am afraid that anti - choice forces will use this to bolster their case that birth control pills are dangerous for women . But I 'm not going to sugar coat the truth . Birth control works for a lot of women with relatively few side effects . It didn 't work so well in my body . I also believe that it was my choice and my call to make decisions about my health . My decision was between me and my doctor and no politician had any place in much more risky form of birth control . But luckily I never got pregnant . Then it became apparent that I was allergic to the jelly . I went back to only condoms . Then I decided to come out and by the age of time birth control was no longer necessary for me . However , safer sex was necessary because you still have to protect yourself from STDs , and that became my priority . Luckily I was in Toronto , a very cosmopolitan liberal city , and the women 's community had many resources to help me understand and practice safer sex , which I did until I entered into a monogamous relationship with my partner of 10 years , who I am now married to . From the age of 16 , I had doctors who listened to me , advised and counseled me , who treated me with respect and worked with me to ensure that I was fully informed and able to make decisions about my own reproductive health . I had a university system that ensured I had access to birth control so that I could fully devote myself to my education . I learned to trust myself and my ability to make those decisions . I had a larger community and family that also supported me . All of this became an interdependent web that helped me to make wise decisions about my reproductive health . I was as a sexual being . This journey is already so scary and such a vulnerable thing . Birth control gave me some safety so I could explore who I was , who I wanted to love and who I wanted to have love me back . It allowed me the safety to learn boundaries , how to say yes and how to I was valued as a woman and as a human being . This is the most spiritual thing of all . In my opinion , God appears in those places of respect and worth , whether in our own hearts or between people . This is Governor Nixon , veto the damn bill . Every woman in Missouri needs you to do that . I 'm really sorry you 've been put in this place because this issue should never be thrown in a politician 's lap . It doesn 't belong there . But , this is where we are , and where you are , so you 've got a job to do . I suggest you do it . We are counting on you .
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years ago today , a man walked into his church , his family in front of him , his friends and fellow parishioners beside him . As his wife walked into the blessed sanctuary of their church family 's home , this man struck up a conversation with a friend in the lobby as he prepared to usher the service & hand out church bulletins . Perhaps these two men his duties as church usher that morning and the other a long time friend of their family seeking out a brief hello before their church service started , began to talk about something , and did so for a few minutes . With his wife sitting quietly in the pew , waiting to be accompanied by her husband , he was enjoying the camaraderie of his church home and he was preparing to worship the God he loved so very much . In hindsight , perhaps someone should have noticed the stranger lurking outside , the stranger who had been there at that church weeks before when this man , talking to his old friend of several years whose wife awaited him in the sanctuary of their church , had been vacationing with his family elsewhere . Perhaps in hindsight , someone should have noticed that this stranger , pacing the outdoors , wasnt a familiar face , wasnt a parishioner they 'd ever seen before . Perhaps in hindsight , someone should have noticed that he was oddly dressed , hands in his pockets , sweating slightly but clearly preparing to enter the lobby of this church . Perhaps in hindsight , someone should have known that Dr George Tiller , talking quietly with his old friend and preparing to go worship God with his wife by his side , was about to be shot in the head at point the idea that we memorialize anyone based on HOW they died , instead of how they LIVED . And yet , when we talk of Dr George Tiller , we tend to focus on the murder & murderer more than the substance of the life before it . And so today , four years after his assassin shot him in the head in the foyer of Reformation Lutheran Church in Wichita , KS as he handed out church bulletins , I propose we remember the man before the murder , instead of the man after . Dr Tiller graduated from the University of Kansas School of Medicine and went on to serve in the United States Navy as a flight surgeon . After the tragic death of both his parents , brother in law , and sister in an airplane crash , Dr Tiller have up his plans to begin a dermatology practice to take over his father 's private medical practice and began raising his 1 year old nephew , orphaned by his parents death . It was at this time that Dr Tiller discovered that his father 's practice had secretly offered abortion care to its patients . Dr Tiller made the brave the anti choice movement , enduring daily vigils & threats to his life and his family 's lives by anti choice groups at his clinic . In 1986 , his clinic was firebombed . In 1993 , he was shot five times while leaving his clinic in his car . The shooter in this case later said the gunshots were aimed at Dr Tiller 's hands so that he would no longer be able to provide abortion care to the women who sought him out for , often times , life saving abortion procedures . Before his death in 2009 , Dr Tiller was the focus of 28 episodes of a Fox News program that placed special emphasis on his practice , resulting in even more protests and threats to his clinic and life , as well as to perpetuate the nasty name calling that began with a Congressman on the floor of Congress and was continued until his assassination in 2009 by several conservative talk show hosts , one in particular . And just two months prior to his death , Dr Tiller was acquitted of ALL charges ( 19 in all ) in a case that many compared to the trials at Nuremberg and which prompted NYU Professor Jacob Appel to be quoted as saying that Dr Tiller was " a genuine hero who ranks alongside Susan B . Anthony and Martin Luther King Jr . in the pantheon of defenders of human liberty . " Dr Tiller 's life was not and is not defined by the vitriol that preceded his death . To the women helped by Dr Tiller and his clinic staff , he was a kind , compassionate man with a soft & gentle demeanor who worked tirelessly to free women who chose abortion of the stigma that , sadly , still exists today . He was known for using the phrase , " Trust women . " , an assertion that women are perfectly capable of a recovery room nurse in abortion care services at Planned Parenthood of the St Louis Region ( PPSLR ) . My best friend , also a nurse at PPSLR , entered my room that morning with tears in his eyes , and when I asked what was wrong , he said only , " They killed him . They finally killed Dr Tiller . They finally did it . " It was an impossibly sad moment and morning and it was one filled with fear . We entered our clinic , a clinic well known doctor who had frequently been the target of threats and attacks , past vicious protesters every single day . We were sometimes followed home by protesters , we were sometimes witness to signs that carried our personal information and were meant to shame us out of providing safe and legal abortion care to women . And while historically , we walked through that line of protesters in order to continue providing the care women so desperately needed . We , like Dr Tiller , would not be stopped . If I had started this by telling you the story of a man shot at point blank range in the foyer of his church , handing out bulletins and talking quietly to an old friend while his wife waited quietly in their usual pew for him in the sanctuary , but instead of using Dr Tiller 's name I 'd used someone else 's , it 's doubtful anyone would feel anything but shock and complete disgust for such a heinous crime . Which calls to mind this contradiction we continue to live with , even 4 years later . There exists in our society an idea that some murder , some death at the hands of those who claim to be doing God 's will , is acceptable . There exists in our society a concept that shaming women , stealing their right to hold dominion over their own bodies , is an acceptable manner in which to legislate . There exists in our society an exception - almost a forgiveness - for the vicious murder and assassination of someone who does something others don 't like . And if we have learned anything about Dr Tiller 's life AND death , it is that there 's nothing less " pro life " than that . Anaïs a bullet but instead , can only die out if we let the light shine less brightly . So today , as we remember not the murder of a great man but alternately , the life of a remarkable and magnificent advocate & caregiver , let us lift our voices and insist his legacy be who we ARE and not who we COULD be , if not for the oppression we seem to find such trouble escaping . Rest in peace , Dr Tiller . Always . On its Facebook page for this event , the Federalist Society wrote that hosted controversial conservative journalist Cathy Young at the university 's campus to discuss false rape accusations and the " irreparable damage they do to individuals and our society . " The Federalist Society , a libertarian student organization , also plans to " balance " the discussion with a happy hour tomorrow with the Mark Twain Law Society , an all - male club within SLU Law . Law Students for Reproductive Justice were not invited to participate in the discussion and were only invited to the happy hour after the media was alerted and attended the event . " I find it absolutely disturbing , " said Emily Rosenfeld , president of Law Students for Reproductive Justice ( LSRJ ) . " There are some things in the world worth fighting for , and in my opinion the rights of sexual assault survivors rank high on that list . I am ashamed that anyone on this campus thinks it is okay to trivialize the pain and injustice that so many survivors go through . Furthermore , she singled out a few high profile cases that attracted heavy media frenzy but this only seeks to further trivialize the vast amount of sexual assaults that go unreported . " Another LSRJ member Erin Lenahan further remarked that , " we shouldn 't have to keep fighting this battle . We all know that rape is terrible and we all know that lying about being raped is bad . So how do we protect actual victims while upholding our legal notion of ' innocent until proven guilty ' ? There is no easy answer , but choosing to address claims of false rape only serve as another way to point a finger rather than finding a solution . " I 've been watching the news , much like we all have , with great intrigue of late . The Republican candidate for the office of President is being asked to provide copies of his tax refunds for a large number of fiscal years , and he has declined to offer any more than two years worth . He has stated staunchly that he will not release any more information on the topic , that the American people have all the information they need with regards to his financials , and that this is a matter of private information that need not be discussed further . I can 't help but laugh at this , especially when I consider that this candidate 's party has worked very hard to turn the personal matters of women across the country into a very public debate and yet , very few people are putting their foot down to say " Enough already - you don 't get to make decisions about our bodies any more - end of discussion ! " This begs the question : why do Americans tolerate privacy when it comes to money but not to medicine ? Why do Americans respect women so little that the privacy of a woman to make reproductive health choices with her doctor must also involve her senator and her senator 's priest ? Why do Americans continue to allow the systematic shaming of 51 % of the U . S . population ? I was once traveling on a plane from Orlando , Florida after a family vacation , where I found myself sitting next to a woman in her mid 40 's , who was just as chatty as I am . We found that we had plenty in common : she happened to be from Upstate New York , just like me , and she happened to be returning from the Virgin Islands because the beach is her favorite respite , just like me . I felt an instant connection to this woman . I felt she was a kind , compassionate , funny lady and I enjoyed her sense of humor , her stories , and indeed , her attitude in general . I felt safe talking with her about all sorts of things : my recent & tumultuous break up with a man I had felt I 'd marry and start a family with , the miscarriage that occurred in the aftermath of that relationship 's demise , the challenges of being away from my family and closest friends during such a traumatic time . I shared intimate stories with this woman , whom I will call Annie , and I did so because my gut instinct told me that she was a safe person to talk with , to share with . At the time , I was a nurse in the recovery room of an abortion care facility . In addition to my duties as a nurse doing patient intake for procedures , medicating patients , caring for women during their procedures , and preparing women to go home after their procedure with the appropriate aftercare information , I had also begun training as a counselor at this facility . This role saw me talking with women about their choices and how they had come to the decision to terminate their pregnancy , being mindful to ensure that this was the woman 's choice , and not one as a result of coercion from her partner , her family , or any other force in her life . Every day that I came to work , I was forced to walk from my car to the front door of my job through a crowd of protesters , some of whom merely prayed quietly and offered me prayer cards , while others attempted to block my entrance into work while screaming and calling me hate filled names like " Baby Killer " . I knew firsthand how difficult it was to BE a nurse at an abortion care facility and so as a result , I also knew how difficult it was to TELL someone that I was a nurse at an abortion care facility . And so when Annie innocuously asked me what I did for a living , I hesitated with good reason . Here I was on a plane 30 , 000 feet in the air , and unsure of whether my seatmate would accept my answer with support or opposition . It was a familiar problem for me , because the fact is , it 's not easy to say you work in an abortion care facility and it 's even harder to say you 've had an abortion in a culture that has turned a women 's intimate choices about her own personal healthcare into a national debate fit for all ears . But why is that ? 1 . 37 million abortions happen in the United States every year , which is roughly 3 , 700 abortions a day . 52 % of those are performed for women under the age of 25 . It is estimated that 43 % of all women will have at least one abortion by the age of 45 and that 7 in 10 women of reproductive age are sexually active . 98 % of women who have ever had sex report having used at least one form of birth control . 62 % of women of reproductive age currently use contraception , which is double that of the 31 % of women who don 't use contraception because of issues such as infertility ; current pregnancy ; post partum ; sexually inactive ; and those who are actively trying to become pregnant . This leaves 7 % - that 's seven percent - of women of reproductive age at risk of unwanted pregnancies . * * The numbers don 't lie , really - Women are having abortions . Women are using contraception . Women are having sex . And yet , I still worry about telling a relative stranger that for my job , I help women choose the appropriate birth control for their lifestyle , that I assist women in discussing the realities of their pregnancy & how they will move forward in managing either its continuance or termination , and that I hold women 's hands as they leave the recovery room of a facility safe in the knowledge that they have received quality , legal healthcare with dignity & respect . My voice is stifled because of fear , and its representative of what women who choose abortion must live with every day . And simply put , this is not fair and it must change . As it turns out , my gut told me that it would be safe to share with Annie what my real job was . So instead of saying to Annie , " Oh , I 'm a nurse in women 's health care " , I told her , " I am a nurse in the recovery room of an abortion care facility . I help women before and after their procedures , and I also do some counseling for the facility , which is the first step in obtaining an abortion where I live . " Annie 's face was frozen in a half smile , and for a brief moment I feared that I 'd made the wrong choice . And then , a tear rolled down Annie 's cheek . And she shared a story with me that I will never forget and one that I will share with you now : Annie had a 17 year old daughter who was graduating high school that year . She was excited to be attending a respected state university and looking forward to a career in teaching . Her daughter had a long term boyfriend and it was just after Christmas at the end of the past year that Annie 's daughter & boyfriend came to her to tell her that she was pregnant . Annie shared with me the very raw emotions of learning of her daughter 's unplanned pregnancy : the anger , the sadness , the fear . She asked her daughter what she wanted to do and her daughter stated tearfully & with eyes full of fear and angst that she had talked to a few facilities on the phone about her options and that she believed an abortion was the best decision to secure the best life & future for all concerned parties . Annie did not agree with abortion , but she wanted to support her daughter the best she could and despite the conflict it presented to Annie spiritually , she admitted that it was a relief of sorts that this choice was available to her daughter , whose life seemed ready to crumble into pieces in front of her . Annie prayed for several days about this personal dilemma , and ultimately felt that God would always respect her and her daughter and that through these conversation s of prayer she was able to quiet the fear that society would judge her daughter & family without knowing the monstrous impact a pregnancy would have on her daughter 's young life . So Annie took her daughter to the clinic where she spoke with counselors and had ultrasounds and ultimately solidified her decision to terminate her pregnancy . Annie was , in her words , overwhelmed with a " guilty sense of relief " . And then , like 3 , 699 other women ever day , Annie 's daughter had an abortion . And Annie told no one . Not her daughter 's father , not her best friend whom she 'd known for 20 + years , not the coworker whose sister had also had an abortion and spoke openly about amongst their colleagues . Annie kept her daughter 's abortion deep inside her and uttered nothing abBut why is this story so unique ? Why does it take an isolated place miles upon miles in the air with a stranger to talk about abortion and who or how it has affected your life and the life of those you love , positively ? Why do we continue to perpetuate this climate of silence , of shame against those who exercise their freedom of choice ? 43 % of women will have had an abortion by the time they turn 45 years old . And that 's 43 % of women who are being bullied into speechlessness . How will YOU help to remind those 43 % that their voices matter ? How can we all remind woman that they should not be ashamed for taking spiritual & physical control of their bodies ? How will we change the negative culture of shaming women for not only answering God 's call to pray but for listening to his answers and applying that personal interaction as they see fit in their lives ? It has been said that oppression can only survive through silence . So if you ask me , it 's time to make some noise . If that isn 't a title to catch your attention , I don 't know what is ! This past week the word " vagina " certainly caught the headlines of major newspapers across the United States . Michigan House Representative Lisa Brown was silenced for saying the word " vagina " in the House . She was attempting to speak against a host of restrictive pieces of legislation that will make abortion in Michigan almost completely inaccessible . Since then , a lot of progressive women and men I think it 's absolutely shameful that in the 21st century we still need to fight this battle . Honestly , any church can proclaim whatever values they want . I don 't care if a church says that birth control is a sin . It 's their right . That 's what freedom of conscience is about . That 's what being in a democracy is about . But no person should be able to force their religious values on another person . That 's also what democracy is about . Nothing has supported women 's equality more than access to birth control . It has been one of the most important steps our society has taken to give women control over their lives . It allows women to pursue and the number of abortions . It seems pretty logical , doesn 't it ? But somehow , I don 't believe logic has anything to do with what the Republicans are doing now . If this was about logic , this legislation would not exist . The term " war on women " has become very prevalent in the news . There have been many attempts to discredit this term from the Republican side . But , given that the pursuit of their " moral values " is clearly irrational , then I think this is absolutely a war on women . I think that what is being uncovered is the strong underbelly of sexism that never disappeared with the advent of the women 's movement . It went underground , and is now reappearing , a wolf in sheep 's clothing . There are still strong pockets , mostly men and some women , who are deeply uncomfortable with women who are not under the control of men . That 's it , pure and simple . Somehow our equality , our ability to make decisions about our lives , our bodies , outside of the influence of men , is still deeply disturbing and it 's becoming more acceptable to express this discomfort in American culture and have it taken seriously . the decisions we needed to make ? It is time for millions of women to tell their stories . And I 'm gonna start by telling mine . I know I 'm a minister and that some of my parishioners are going to read this . I also information ) for some of you . But really , all of us , every woman who wants for her daughters and grand daughters a world that will honor and respect them , needs to tell her story . The culture that would say this I became sexually active at 16 . I was , admittedly , too young . I should have waited , but hindsight is 20 / 20 . Fortunately , I had some sex education in the public school system between the ages of 10 and 16 . It wasn 't the best education . It was age appropriate and very technical . In high school , mostly it consisted of slide presentations of what happens to a body ravaged by different sexually transmitted diseases . Our teachers emphasized the importance of using a condom to protect against these STDs . I didn 't get any education about self - respect , how to say yes , how to say no , and how to know when it 's the right time . But I did know that I sure didn 't want any of those diseases ! And I knew I did not want to become pregnant . I wanted to go to university and be a career woman . My plan was to finish my education and have my career going by the age of 28 - 30 . I wanted two children in my 30s , while building my career . I never planned to stop working . At first I used condoms because I was afraid to go to our family doctor and get birth control pills . I think that part of my reasoning included that I could tell myself that I wasn 't really fully sexually active . I had condoms in case it happened . Using the birth control pills meant that I expected it to happen and that I was a fully sexually active person . I wasn 't ready to see myself that way . I think deep down I was ashamed of being sexually active , and using condoms allowed me to see myself as only partly sexually active , and thus , more moral . That lasted about two years , and I became more comfortable seeing myself as a sexually active person . I wanted to be even more safe . I decided I wanted to go on the birth control pill . I made a visit to see my family doctor , the same doctor that cared for our whole family - my mother , father , three brothers and myself . I was scared to see him . I 'd never had an internal exam and I didn 't know if he would feel obliged to tell my family . I had the courage to ask the secretary when I I really did not want my parents to know , so I asked to borrow the car to go to school that day , saying I had some kind of meeting after school . I really hoped that would work . Unfortunately , my mother said she needed the car , and she would be happy to pick me up from school . So now I was in a dilemma . Was I going to lie to my mother or tell her the truth ? I decided to tell her . I think she went as white as a sheet . I was so very afraid of her judgment . She was quiet for a while , and then she swallowed hard , and said to me , " Well , I raised you to be responsible and to be independent . And you 're obviously being independent in a responsible way , so I will take you to the doctor . " Bless my mother . Honestly , I was relieved she knew . I felt like I was carrying a big bad secret , and deep down , truth be told , there was in me the deep conditioning that " good girls " didn 't do this . " Good girls " didn 't have sex before marriage . Having her know , and tell me I was responsible , was a big deal . I don 't think she knew what a big deal There is one thing I do regret , however , and that is that I did not tell my father . I wish I had but I was too scared to . I wish I had trusted him enough to share with him . Not telling him was more about me than about him . But , it was also my right to make that decision . Luckily there was no law that would force me , a minor , to get my father 's consent to get the birth control pill . earned during the summer . I think it was about $ 20 a month . ( Prescription meds are much cheaper in Canada than the U . S . ) Then I went to university . Both universities I attended offered birth control free to all their female students . This was great because of course , as a student , I was on a limited income , and even the $ 20 a month would have been hard . My parents were not in a position to help us pay for university so I was on my own . I always worked full time in the summer , I think it 's also important to say that I had a lot of trouble with the birth control pill . Some women have absolutely no problem with it . I was not one of those women . My hormones were all over the place . I gained a lot of weight . I got sick with a lot of feminine issues . I finally spoke to my doctor about using a different form of birth control . The doctor was resistant , with good reason . Young women who are not on birth control have a much higher rate of unplanned pregnancies and abortions . She did not want me to face that possibility . But in the end , we explored other ways for me to have safer Now I debated whether to include this because I am afraid that anti - choice forces will use this to bolster their case that birth control pills are dangerous for women . But I 'm not going to sugar coat the truth . Birth control works for a lot of women with relatively few side effects . It didn 't work so well in my body . I also believe that it was my choice and my call to make decisions about my health . My decision was between me and my doctor and no politician had any place in much more risky form of birth control . But luckily I never got pregnant . Then it became apparent that I was allergic to the jelly . I went back to only condoms . Then I decided to come out and by the age of time birth control was no longer necessary for me . However , safer sex was necessary because you still have to protect yourself from STDs , and that became my priority . Luckily I was in Toronto , a very cosmopolitan liberal city , and the women 's community had many resources to help me understand and practice safer sex , which I did until I entered into a monogamous relationship with my partner of 10 years , who I am now married to . From the age of 16 , I had doctors who listened to me , advised and counseled me , who treated me with respect and worked with me to ensure that I was fully informed and able to make decisions about my own reproductive health . I had a university system that ensured I had access to birth control so that I could fully devote myself to my education . I learned to trust myself and my ability to make those decisions . I had a larger community and family that also supported me . All of this became an interdependent web that helped me to make wise decisions about my reproductive health . I was as a sexual being . This journey is already so scary and such a vulnerable thing . Birth control gave me some safety so I could explore who I was , who I wanted to love and who I wanted to have love me back . It allowed me the safety to learn boundaries , how to say yes and how to I was valued as a woman and as a human being . This is the most spiritual thing of all . In my opinion , God appears in those places of respect and worth , whether in our own hearts or between people . This is Governor Nixon , veto the damn bill . Every woman in Missouri needs you to do that . I 'm really sorry you 've been put in this place because this issue should never be thrown in a politician 's lap . It doesn 't belong there . But , this is where we are , and where you are , so you 've got a job to do . I suggest you do it . We are counting on you .
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. . . Incoming message detected from the bloodHost . . . . . . . . . . MUTANT RAIN FOREST ISSUE . . . . . . . . JUNE , 2016Illustrations above by Shasta Lawton . Be sure to Subscribe and Follow this blog to keep updated on the FREEZINE of Fantasy and Science Fiction . If you or a friend are interested in submitting your short stories or longer works for daily serialization in a future issue , please contact us at freezinefantasysciencefiction @ gmail . com , and we will reply in due time . Thank you for your participation in helping to support this nonprofit creative writing platform . Don 't miss out on the current issue featuring Sanford Meschkow , John Shirley , Brian Stoneking , Vincent Daemon , and Bruce Boston . Featuring art by Will Ferret , Jason Heckenliable , Kara Koma , Marge Simon , and Shasta Lawton . People said it was a freak storm , lightning that raked from earth to sky . People said a missile test from White Sands had lost its way and crashed in the pine forest to unleash government - funded hell . People said the mountains gave birth to a daytime star that flared until the old Sol dimmed and shadows were cast to every degree of the compass . Shepherd was two atoms become one , he was the sun ; he was a god in flight and the apotheosis of power . He was Hyperion . Six months later , Shepherd and Nicholas sat on the rear deck , watching Sierra Blanca change from white to gold to purple in the setting sunlight . Summer on the cusp of fall , the pine forest drowsing in afternoon heat , and fireflies that danced through the darkening trees . Shepherd with his left hand sunk in the melting ice of a beer cooler . In the kitchen , behind the double glass doors , a Joni Mitchell song was playing on the radio . One of June 's friends had played " A Case of You " on the autoharp at the memorial service . After the insurance agent settled on " Act of God - Lightning Strike " the cabin had been rebuilt , even lovelier than before , though the bearskin rug and the player piano and June 's books were all forever lost . He couldn 't stop seeing her eyes , the way they 'd glowed as they 'd reflected his transformation , the way they 'd burned when he couldn 't control what he 'd unleashed . He drank and drank and drank but couldn 't stop seeing . Or forget that he knew the vector of his fate . Nicholas sighed . " You could … but you probably shouldn 't . Dr . Cosmos was right ; the universe doesn 't play games . You 'd live , but it 'd probably hurt . " " Who are you , Nicholas ? " Reaching for another beer . Shepherd 's heart was breaking , again . He was Hyperion . He 'd been handed the reins to the chariot of the sun . He couldn 't deny there was glory in it . . . but even more horror . He wished that burst of light that had taken June and the house and half the mountain had taken him as well . " And why me ? " Nicholas didn 't answer at first . He sipped lemonade until he was sucking air through the straw . Then he put the glass down , picked up a grocery bag stashed under his chair , and set it in his lap . He said , " Because that 's your fate , Shep . And I 'm fate 's tool . Please don 't be angry with me . I 'm no more to blame than the hammer that drives the nail . " After a while Shepherd said , " Did you do what they say you did ? " Somehow this hurt the most . " Did you … what did he say ? Mentally dominate me ? " " There have been times when I may have . . . encouraged you . . . to look the other way . When I was setting things up . But in the future ? Never , Shep . Everything you do , you do out of love . " Shepherd swigged from his can of Schlitz and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand . Then his eyes . His voice was ragged . " That might be easier if I could forget what hasn 't happened yet . " Nicholas nodded . " I know . That 's why I made this . " He reached into the bag for his latest creation , the top hat that would someday belong to Dr . Cosmos . When he put it on his head , the hat slid down to his ears , so he had to tilt it back to see . He held out his hand . Behemoth gathered the tarp into an improvised sack and began stuffing the bits of broken sentrybot inside . " We 're taking him with us . This crap I 'll get rid of on the mountain . You and Screwball can do some housecleaning . And Dr . Cosmos can memory wipe these two " - jerking a thumb at Shepherd and June - " so all they 'll know is Nicholas has gone missing . " " Cosmo ! I know ! " the giant bellowed . " But we have to have that information . We don 't have time to get it out of him now , but I 'm confident you 'll succeed eventually . When you do , we 'll put him back just the way we found him , unable to remember where he 's been . It won 't even raise any eyebrows , because that 's how they found him in the first place . We 've got to get back there before Hyperion destroys the jump portal and we 're stuck here for good . Screwball went out to warm up the cars . Behemoth shouldered his load of robot scrap , and Tango went to the closet by the front door to hunt among the coats until she found Nicholas 's green - and - orange goosedown parka . At first Nicholas , still groggy from Dr . Cosmos 's ministrations , allowed her to insert one of his arms in a sleeve , but he seemed to suddenly snap awake and began to yell in terror . " I don 't want to go with you ! Shep ! Tell them to let me go ! " His voice rose to a squeal . " Shep ! Say it ! Say I - " Tango shoved him through the open front door , and he was gone . Shepherd writhed on the cold floor , trying to wriggle forward on one shoulder , his belly and his knees . He shouted for Nicholas , told him not to be afraid , he was coming , but the duct tape blocked his oaths and promises . June , who had been spared the indignity of having her wrists bound to her ankles , was doing better , gaining more ground with a frantic frog - kicking motion , until One Man Army halted her with a thick - soled boot on her throat . Dr . Cosmos walked over to join them , fingering his black top hat . But when he tried to bend down to touch her , the shorter man threw his arm out to stop him . " I said later ! " One Man Army spun him by the shoulder , planted a boot on one skinny buttock , and shoved him towards the door , where Behemoth was waiting . Dr . Cosmos stumbled forward a few steps before catching his balance on the piano , the mashed bass keys sounding in ominous discord . " How dare you ! " he shouted , wounded and ridiculous . He turned to the giant , straightening his coat and tie . " If you will , Andre , restrain our compatriot until I can finish my work . " He turned back to One Man Army , his smug smile faltering when Behemoth failed to lurch past him and toss One Man Army into the next room . " Go on to the cars , Cosmo . " The giant held the storm door open . Outside , the sun had broken through the low clouds , and melting snow was falling in clumps from the forest 's barren branches . " This isn 't any of your concern . " " Just go ! " Behemoth grabbed Dr . Cosmos by his ruffled Edwardian collar , lifted him off his feet and deposited him on the porch . The screen door slammed shut . Outside , Dr . Cosmos continued to rail . We are heroes ! We do not take vengeance ! " We 'll leave you the station wagon , " Behemoth told One Man Army . " You do what you have to , but don 't tarry . Once we 're back in 2012 , the portal is coming down , whether or not you 've joined us . " He pushed the door open again , pausing on the threshold , his left hand on the knob of the oak inner door . " Duncan , I hope this helps you find some peace . " He closed the door behind him , killing the daylight , and leaving Shepherd and June alone with One Man Army . " Okay , " Lawless said . He looked around the room . " Okay . Okay . " He dragged the coffee table close and righted it . His good hand bunched in the shoulder of June 's work shirt and hauled her to her feet . " Up we go , sweetheart , " he said , then shoved her to sit . She was breathing heavily through her nose , as much from anger as fear , glaring up at him through the hair spilling over her face . Shepherd rocked violently from side to side , trying to get to his knees , which made One Man Army spit , laugh , and kick him so hard Shepherd toppled over on his back . June screamed . " Here 's the thing , " One Man Army said , pacing between them . " The history books don 't have much to say about what became of Mrs . Lyle Shepherd . " He fished in his pocket for a lighter , sparked it , and puffed his cigar stub to life . " In fact , up to this point , I was always pretty sure there never was a Mrs . Lyle Shepherd , and it 's always just been you and pretty little Nicholas , you boy - loving motherfucker . " Another kick caught Shepherd under the short ribs . He rolled on his side , coughing up blood he was forced to swallow back down . " I digress . " One Man Army blew a stream of smoke at the ceiling . " The point , Lyle , the point here is we really don 't have any idea of how your wife died . I mean , we 're pretty sure she did die , because she won 't be with you when you and Nicholas arrive in New York in 1979 , and you seem too old - fashioned for divorce . So what happened to her ? Breast cancer ? Car accident ? Eaten by bears ? Nobody knows . But I have a theory . I just came up with it today . I 'm willing to gamble my other hand that I happen to her . " One Man Army drew his remaining sidearm and grinned his hard , joyless grin . He used it to part the picture window curtains and held it to catch the light , admiring the Maadi - Griffin 's lethal geometry . " If I didn 't find myself disabled , I 'd pop the cartridge and show you the round this bitch fires . Big as my thumb , Lyle . Or your dick . " The Maadi - Griffin spun in his hand , One Man Army running through a manual of arms to finish by pistol - whipping Shepherd across the jaw and then pressing the barrel to June 's temple . She shied away , whimpering . " Maybe I can 't kill you , " he told Shep , " which , honestly , is all I really want in the whole wide world , but I am going to kill your wife . Your own true love , Hyperion , old pal . Right in front of you . Gonna get splashed with her blood , yes you are . " " And I 'm gonna get away with it , " One Man Army continued . " Because when they bring Nicholas back , Dr . Cosmos is going to wipe your memory . You know how I know ? ' Cause I remember the first time I met you . Baltimore , 2003 . You treated me like I was a good ol ' boy , and I consider myself a bit of a student of the human condition , so I 'm pretty sure I 'd know if a guy I just met was holding a grudge about me executing his wife , you know ? " Panic flooded Shepherd 's mind with disjointed thoughts . Had they left with Nicholas yet ? Was there a chance Dr . Cosmos might convince Behemoth to intervene ? Could he somehow offer his life for his family 's ? What was Screwball 's battle cry ? Time to bring the heat ! Shepherd remembered coming up with that one himself . Good times , he and Nicholas on the porch , shouting catchphrases at each other , laughing like madmen . " But here 's where I prove I 'm better than you , Shepherd , " he whispered . " I 'm gonna offer you the mercy you never showed me . Because I am one of the good guys . No matter what that asshole Price thinks . " Had Dr . Cosmos muttered something before he began questioning Nicholas ? Shepherd couldn 't remember what it was , but he was pretty sure he had . A big fan of the catchphrase , Nicholas was . Made a character stand out . His uniform 's fit that gave him the proportions of a hero . The smooth fabric . I bet I could make it bulletproof . That jolt of the unreal , that feeling something was breaking through into this world from the next . " I 'm gonna let you tell your wife you love her , " One Man Army was saying . " And she 'll hear you … because she hasn 't been blasted to atoms . Are you getting me ? Are we clear ? " He trapped the gun under his ruined arm , stooped and used his good hand to rip the duct tape from Shepherd 's mouth . " Go ahead , man . Tell her . " Shepherd coughed , spat out the blood that had been pooling at the back of his throat . Looked at June . June gazed back . Terror in her eyes . And love . You can 't possibly be considering this , he told himself . You really want those to be the last words she hears ? You want to see her not understand , or worse , think you 're making a joke ? Tell her you love her , and that you 'll see her soon . Because as sure as the sun will set tonight , he 's going to put a bullet in your head right after he does hers . His other pistol misfiring , that was a fluke . This is for keeps . Tell her you love her , and that you 're sorry you couldn 't save her . Shepherd stretched forward , his wrists bound tight to his ankles , shoulders separating , agony in every joint . " June . June . " Slurring . Shzoon . Hoping she could hear him . He bared his loose teeth , licked his crushed lips . One chance to say it . Say it right . " Junie . " Biting the word off clean . " I … " " What - ? Oh man , I forgot all about you , didn 't I , Lyle . Sorry . " Screwball shook his head , snorting laughter . He reached for the roll of duct tape and bit another strip loose . " You don 't get it , man . We 're the good guys . " " And you used to be one of us , " One Man Army croaked . He slipped forward to the edge of the cushion , holding his bandaged hand high . His skin was gray from loss of blood , and his lip curled until his smile became a rictus . " Until you killed my wife . " " There it is , " Screwball sighed . After smoothing the tape over Shepherd 's mouth , he patted his cheek . " What do kids do when they 're bored with their toys ? They break them , in all sorts of fun and creative ways . But you were always his favorite , Lyle - I don 't think he 's ever going to throw you away . God help you . " Behemoth was nearly eight feet tall ; he walked bent over and sideways through the kitchen door , shoved the dining room table aside , and could only stand up straight when he entered the living room . At five hundred pounds , the pine floorboards flexed with his every step . Certain details matched Nicholas 's drawings : he was completely hairless , lacking even eyebrows , and he was wearing a sort of wrestler 's singlet made of steely blue mesh , but instead of a dull glower , his expression had an unmistakable cast of amused intelligence . Dr . Cosmos stood and began to pace . " One Man Army had a misfire because One Man Army is an idiot . " Angry as he was , he still cast a cautious glance towards the love seat before continuing . " We went over this before the jump : the past cannot be undone . We exist ; therefore , Nicholas lived long enough to create us . This is immutable . The mere fact we are having this conversation means he will not be killed now . No matter what we do , the universe will take action to frustrate our efforts on that point , no matter how improbable its strategies . I said it before , but let me say it again : we are in a temporal minefield . " " Cosmo , you do like to hear yourself talk . Is that him ? " Behemoth set his bundle down next to the overturned coffee table and stepped past it to loom over Shepherd . His breathing was like the exhaust of an industrial furnace . " Jesus , look how young he is ! " One rolling pin finger under Shepherd 's chin tilted his face towards the ceiling . " Cute , too . Never would 've believed it . But I bet you 're all wondering what I brought you for Christmas . " He grabbed a corner of the tarp and swept it away with a theatrical flourish . " Voila ! " " Finally managed to get into that shed , " Behemoth said . " Pine board on the outside , sheets of carbon fiber nanotube on the inside . Took me twenty minutes to cut into it . This " - prodding a molten lump of electronics with the toe of his boot - " was the welcoming committee . I 'll tell you what , though , it felt pretty damned good mixing it up with one of Nicholas 's toys I could actually take . But I saved the best for last . Check it out . " He reached behind his back and produced a ball of crumpled blue material , which he shook out and let dangle . A New Mexico State Trooper uniform , only sewn together as a sort of unitard . Instead of standard - issue gray and black , it was cerulean blue with mustard yellow piping , a stylized sunburst on the chest . Just the way Nicholas had carefully colored it for the cover of Avenging Furies # 1 . Shepherd turned to see June glaring at him . He didn 't need telepathy to know what she was thinking : What the hell have you two been up to out in the shed ? He could only shake his head . He had no idea what Nicholas had been up to . But it had something to do with these people . No matter how insane their story , he sensed they weren 't lying . The real world was beginning to shred like a dream on waking , leaving only that uncanniness , that unceasing bad dream jolt . " No it 's not . " Behemoth tossed the costume into the fireplace , where it smoked and caught flame . " It 's a sham . Not even a prototype . No psionic amplifiers , and the molecular structure of the material is completely stable . No way to tell if that 's because he hasn 't , at this point , solved the half - life problem , or if it 's just plain ol ' polyester . But there was plenty of other good stuff in the shed . I took nanoscale scans of everything , right down to the dried - up mouse turds on top of the roof beams . " " We 've got real problems back in 2012 , boss , " he said to Price . " Nicholas has found the bunker , and now Hyperion and a few of Nicholas 's latest science projects are staging an assault . Cannonade says they can hold them off for a bit , but - " Behemoth checked his over - sized wristwatch . " We can make it , but we 've got to go now . You get what you need from him ? " Dr . Cosmos looked dejected . " I haven 't been able to get anything from him . I knew that Nicholas was at least a low - level telepath - it was the most obvious explanation for the way he mentally dominated Shepherd over the years . " Price went on . " I was hoping that this early on , though , he might 've been largely ignorant of his own talents … however , he 's parried my every thrust . Perhaps I shouldn 't be surprised : he designed my telepathic augmentation , after all . I 've always resisted the idea of omniscience , but there 's a strong chance he designed my abilities so that I might read and influence everyone but him , with this future situation specifically in mind . " " Duncan 's right , " said the gangling kid . June was on the floor with his knee in the small of her back . He 'd already taped her mouth shut , and once he 'd expertly bound her wrists and kicking feet , he stood to strip of his own coveralls . A baseball uniform , of all things , that was what he had on underneath : red with white stripes , a baseball pierced with a Philips - head screw on the chest . With its red metallic greaves , gauntlets , and helmet , it was an outfit more suited to combat than throwing strikes . " You 've got my vote , " the girl added . " Let 's just waste him and be done with it . " She had stripped down to a simple black body suit , with a neckline that plunged to her navel and gloves and boots that matched her shocking pink hair . " Lawless , " he said , " I know idiocy comes naturally to you , but try not to infect your impressionable young teammates . " He stepped out of his coveralls to reveal his black suit had acquired a velvety sheen , and the sleeves and collar of his white shirt had grown Edwardian ruffles . He pulled a collapsed top hat from a pocket of the coveralls , popped it to full extension , and settled it on his salt - and - pepper hair . " Any attempt to harm Nicholas will most certainly have very grave consequences . We went over and over this . " " For Christ 's sake ! " Shepherd cried . He had to make some sense of this if he was going to make a plan . Maybe they were a Manson - style family whose desert compound Nicholas had escaped ? Psychos that liked to dress up as comic book characters , and that 's where he 'd gotten his ideas ? " He 's just a kid . Stop pointing that gun at him ! " " For now , " the girl answered . " He 's strong , though . I 'm already getting tired . Hurry up with the little wifey , Timmy . " Shepherd didn 't recognize the girl , but the gangling youth 's costume brought another lurch of vertiginous unreality . He was dressed up as Screwball , originally a member of the Assailants Association , but who later defected to the Avenging Furies because he was in love with the beauteous Ne Plus Ultra . Screwball threw baseballs that exploded , baseballs that could stun , freeze , burn or paralyze . Dazed , Shepherd groped for Screwball 's battle - cry ; all of Nicholas 's heroes had one . Then he had it : Time to bring the heat ! " Let 's stop fucking around , " One Man Army said around the unlit cigar stub clenched between his teeth . " We came for intel , so let 's collect some fucking intel . Straight from the horse 's mouth , as it were . " He combed back Nicholas 's blond bangs with the Mahdi 's delta sight . " What do you say , kid ? " One Man Army grabbed the boy 's chin and turned his head back to face him . " Don 't play dumb , Nicholas . I think your little riff about time travel means you know exactly why we 're here . The question is , why are you here ? Come on , now , don 't be scared . Speak up . Where are you from ? " Screwball smacked him across the back of the head . " Yeah , and thirty years from now , he 'll still be a little boy , Lyle , you dumbass . He 's gonna be ten years old forever . For all we know , he 's always been ten years old . " He paused to listen to his hearing aid . " Dr . Cosmos , Cannonade says that Nicholas has hunter / killers conducting sweeps about 100 klicks to the north and east of the bunker 's position . He 's getting nervous . " " Tell him we 'll be on our way in two shakes of a pole - dancer 's tits , " One Man Army said . Then to Nicholas : " Listen to me , freak . I 'm gonna count to three . If you don 't tell us where 're you 're from and what you 're doing here , I 'm going to put a bullet between your eyes . " One Man Army stood and pushed Nicholas to stand against the piled slate wall of the hearth . " One . " The report was deafening , the flash lasting only an instant , but searing the retinas . Then One Man Army was howling in pain , his gun hand clutched between his knees . Two of his fingers lay on the floor and one was stuck , jellied , to a picture it had toppled on top of the piano , Shepherd and June smearing cake across each other 's face , the frosting now tinted with blood . Nicholas , unharmed , scurried back to huddle in the corner behind the end table . Shep could only watch as Tango extended a hand to float One Man Army to the loveseat , where Screwball bandaged his hand kitchen towels and more duct tape . June alternated between goggling at them and Shepherd . Shepherd stared back , trying to will the thought into her head : Don 't worry . Don 't worry . We 'll find a way out of this . Feeling so guilty , as if somehow this was all his fault . Dr . Cosmos dragged Nicholas , thrashing and kicking , to the couch beside June , where he alternated between cooing Nicholas , relax , close your eyes and relax and screaming for Tango to get over there and hold the brat still already . At one point a tremendous explosion somewhere outside seemed to rock the house on its foundations and the Avenging Furies had leapt to their feet . The tableau of the four of them posed there , ready for action , was so uncanny Shepherd felt like he was falling backward down a deep black hole . They looked just as Nicholas would have drawn them . After a tense moment Dr . Cosmos put a hand to his earpiece . He nodded at the rest of them to relax and returned to attempts to cajole Nicholas into conversation . The sulfur stink of expended ammunition hung in the room , burning Shep 's sinuses . In the aftermath of One Man Army 's accident they 'd forgotten to gag him . He 'd bided his time , kept quiet . But now Shepherd twisted his neck to look up at Screwball . Abject begging his only option . Nicholas sat down next to him and untied the strings of the portfolio . " Me and Shep collaborate on this . " He looked to June . " Is that the right word ? " " It is , " she said , smiling . To Price she added , " For the record I don 't approve of comic books . But boys will be boys , I guess . Whether they 're ten , or " - she smiled slightly at Lyle - " thirty - five . " The pink - haired girl led Lawless to the couch on the other side of the coffee table . June , trailing a reassuring hand across Shepherd 's back as she passed , went into the kitchen to make them some coffee . Shep remained standing with arms folded tight , as the Bristol sheets of their unbound comic book were handed around . " That 's his catch phrase , " Shepherd offered . " Helps with the characterization . " June , returning with the coffee , gave him a withering glare . Shep grimaced in acknowledgement . He needed to look like an adult here , not an overgrown kid . But looking over their shoulders at carefully inked panels , he couldn 't help thrill at what he and the boy had made . The stories were uneven , but the stuff that was good rivaled anything Stan Lee and Jack Kirby had ever dreamed up . Sometimes when he and Nicholas were on the cabin 's rear deck , drinking iced tea and excitedly coming up with new plot lines , Shep got just the faintest sense of how it would feel to be Hyperion , a man with powers so great they 'd all but burned away his humanity . It was glorious . Tentatively , June set the coffee service on the table before them and then drew back to clutch Shep 's arm , puzzled and frightened . He raised a single eyebrow in response - he didn 't know what was going on , either . He was getting the bad feeling that these people were not who they claimed to be . But with Nicholas in their midst , Shepherd 's ability to act was greatly circumscribed . He needed to get the boy back upstairs . Price had tented his fingertips and pressed them to his lips . " Thirty years ago . He had it all planned out . I wonder if there are sketches of the rest of us . " Lawless 's shoulders were shaking . The man was crying , Shep realized . What the hell - ? " This issue was pretty good , " Nicholas said dismissively , as he collected the pages and slid them carefully back into the portfolio . " But the next one is gonna be boss . You want to hear what it 's about ? " " Well , the thing is , I was kind of stuck . Because I 'd given the Avenging Furies - that 's this group of heroes that my main guy , Hyperion , leads - I 'd given them this villain that was just too powerful . " Nicholas set a cup and saucer in front of Price , and then used both hands on the pot to carefully pour the coffee . " No matter what I tried , I couldn 't think of a way for them to beat him . A couple of them even got killed trying , which I felt bad about . But there are rules , you know ? You can 't just make anything you want happen so there 'll be a happy ending . There had to be a way for them to win , though . Then I started thinking , well , if they can 't beat him now , what if they could time travel , go into the past and find out information that will help them beat him in the future ? But the problem with that is - " Lawless surged from his seat between the gangling kid and the pink - haired girl , clawing for the zipper at his collar . He shouted , " Cry havoc ! " and in one motion ripped his black coveralls off . Underneath he was wearing a skintight body - suit , something one of those Olympic ski - jumpers might wear , and Christ , was the guy built , every muscle swollen and straining . Almost faster than Shep could follow , he threw the coffee table aside to seize Nicholas from the loveseat and slam him to the floor among the television parts scattered at the foot of the fireplace . Nicholas screamed in pain and terror . And now Lawless had a gun in his hand , easily the largest handgun Shepherd had ever seen . The barrel alone as long as the man 's forearm , the muzzle wide as a screaming mouth , and pointed at the boy 's blond head . June screamed and lunged for them . Shepherd blocked her with his left arm as he drew his own weapon , a movement he had practiced thousands of times , had actually executed twice in the line of duty , but never , ever imagined having to perform in his own home . He bellowed , " Drop it ! Drop it ! " " He knows , Cosmo , " Duncan said . He didn 't even glance Shepherd 's way . " I don 't know how , but he does . Christ , he 's fucking with us , can 't you see that ? " And missed . Except he couldn 't have missed ; he was standing eight feet away , aiming center mass on a chest as wide as an oil barrel , his shoulder , hand , and gun sight in perfect alignment with his will . But he had to have missed , because when he fired , Duncan lurched backwards and hit the fireplace hard enough to dislodge the de Kooning print June had hung above the mantle , but he did not fall . He looked down at his chest , impossibly unmarked , then up at Shepherd . Shepherd slid to the floor , still restrained by that invisible hand , concussed and trying to suck air back into his lungs . His nose had broken against one of the lodge 's rafters and blood was trickling down the back of his throat . He was vaguely aware that June was close by , screaming in rage . But his primary concern was Nicholas , who wasn 't making a sound , and Duncan , with his artillery . " I say we do him right now ! " he was bellowing . " This might be our only chance . I say we do him now , and fuck all that egghead bullshit . I 'm not going anywhere . Temporal paradoxes can suck my cock . " Duncan 's bodysuit was camouflage , Shepherd could see now , but an odd sort , little square blocks of olive , gold and black instead of the tiger stripe he had worn in Vietnam . Over his shoulders he wore a combat harness laden with ammo pouches and grenades , and huge black holsters were strapped to his legs , one empty , the other filled by another preposterously huge pistol . On his chest : a yellow Roman numeral I in a circle . Shepherd blinked at him , trying to will the situation to come into focus , and suddenly it did , with the very last word in bad dream jolts . One Man Army . The guy was dressed up as One Man Army ! One of the Avenging Furies , the superhero squad that battled all the villains populating Nicholas 's imagination : Some Disassembly Required , Caterwaul , Abbatoir , His Name Is Legion . This couldn 't be happening ; One Man Army was not real . But that gun pointed at Nicholas 's head undeniably was . A Maadi - Griffin . 50 caliber , impossible for a normal man to hold steady with one hand , but One Man Army was no normal man , was he ? " As they say , Trooper Shepherd , we can do this the easy way , or the hard way . " An ingratiating smile broke across Price 's face , like dawn on a dark plain . " We 'd like to meet the boy . Talk with him for a bit . Get a sense of who he is , how his surroundings do or do not accommodate his needs . " His eyes hardened . " But if we leave now , be assured we 'll return with a court warrant , and a police escort . Nicholas will be coming with us then , to stay at Las Cruces Home for Boys until such time as this matter is sorted out … and as you know , the wheels of bureaucracy can turn quite slowly . " " Sir , that 's not going to happen . " Shepherd gave Price his best cop glare , but the words came out strangled . " You are not taking my nephew to that hellhole . " " He 's upstairs . I 'll get him . " They both turned to look at June . She gazed steadily back at Shepherd , squeezing his hand . " He 'll be fine , Lyle . I 'll explain to him who these people are , and why they want to talk to him . He 's a smart kid . He 'll understand . " Shepherd said , " You know how imaginative he is . He hears about Las Cruces , it 'll give him nightmares . " But by the time the last words were out of his mouth , he knew - he was hoping - that she was right , that Nicky would grasp what was at stake and play his role convincingly . Shepherd pivoted on his heel to step back into the living room . Dr . Price followed . In the corner next to the fireplace , the console TV had been pulled away from the wall , the back removed , and the gangling kid and the Mohawked girl were kneeling amidst its disassembled innards . Some of the parts , the vinyl - coated wires , the capacitors , the vacuum tubes , Shepherd recognized from high school electronics class . Other parts , though , he couldn 't place , like an hourglass that seemed to contain a tiny sun burning in each bulb , and a crystalline structure that gave every appearance of breathing . Above these the girl held her little device at different angles . Flashes went off , as if she was taking photos , but Shepherd heard no click of a shutter , and she wasn 't winding film . " Go ahead and get Nicky , " Shepherd told her . " I 'll handle this . " He rubbed the 5 o ' clock stubble on his cheek and turned back to Price . " Sir , I 'm trying to be cooperative here , but why is my TV being taken apart ? " Somewhere toward the back of the house , a door squealed open and slammed shut . From the kitchen came the sharp report of boot heels on linoleum , a man rasped " Cosmo ! Hey , Cosmo ! Out in the shed there 's - " and then the door to the dining room swung open , admitting a short , barn beam - shouldered man who stopped dead when he saw Shepherd . The man 's eyes widened . His nostrils flared . His mouth tried on and discarded surprise , disgust , and trembling rage before settling on a sort of fearsome half - smile . He began to unzip his coveralls , muttering , " Well , I 'll be dicked ! " while covering the floor between himself and Shepherd in strides that were nearly a charge . " Duncan ! Duncan ! " she said , as the man tried to force his way past . " We 've got a plan , right ? In and out and don 't leave a trace , right ? We 're on a schedule , remember ? " " What 's your problem , man ? " Shepherd said . Obviously this Duncan thought he knew him , but nothing about the man 's features - broken nose , blond crew cut , sharply dimpled chin - jogged any recollection . The main thing was that look he had - grunts coming out of the jungle after combat had that look . The thousand yard stare . Shep looked to the CYFD supervisor . " What is this , Price ? " " I apologize , Trooper Shepherd , " Price said , inserting himself into Shep 's line of sight . " Mr . Lawless . . . appears to have mistaken you for someone else . Isn 't that so , Duncan ? " " A regrettable misunderstanding , " Price said . " Now , please , Trooper Shepherd , answer my question . This device in your television . It 's obviously homemade . Potentially dangerous , a fire risk . Can you explain it ? " " I think I 'm pretty much done explaining anything to you , " Shep said . The hell with the CYFD and any court order they might obtain . At this point , Shep was angry enough to take to the hills and fight it out . Unconsciously his right hand fell to the butt of his gun . " Except maybe that if you and your people are not out of here in ten seconds , things are going to get ugly . " Someone cleared their throat loudly . June was on the stairs . " Lyle , " she said , " I 'm sure you can show Nicholas that grown - ups settle their problems with their voices , not their fists . Can 't you ? " " Jesus , " said the pink - haired girl under her breath . She was staring up at Nicholas , who was crouched with his face pressed between the banister rails to stare back . Glancing around , Shep saw all the CYFD workers were looking at Nicholas with something close to awe . All except the man Lawless . Shepherd returned his glare , thinking this was the strangest damned crew of social workers he 'd ever heard of . But staredown or no , Shepherd knew he had to calm his temper . June was right . If they played nice with the CYFD people , answered their questions politely , there was still a chance Shep could get Nicholas into the system , and secure the boy 's place in their lives . " As far as the TV goes , " June said , leading the boy by the hand into the living room , " Nicholas likes to tinker . We 're considering home schooling him , so he can apply for early admission to MIT or Cal Tech . I think he could be a famous inventor . The Thomas Edison of the 21st century , maybe . " " I don 't want to be an inventor , though . " Nicholas hadn 't grown any taller in the six months since he 'd come to live with them , although he 'd put on about ten pounds from June 's cooking . He was wearing his favorite t - shirt , the one with the iron - on of the Eagle shuttle from " Space : 1999 " , and green Toughskins that were worn at their reinforced knees . Under his arm he held a cardboard portfolio . " Not all the time , anyway . " Something was different about his slate blue and charcoal gray Trooper 's uniform . Somehow it made his shoulders broader , his hips more narrow . Shep rubbed the crease of his trousers between his thumb and forefinger . The material seemed softer , too , slicker . Shepherd suddenly remembered a moment from a few weeks before , Nicholas standing before Shep 's open closet , looking at the duty uniforms hanging there . Shepherd laughed it off , told him no offense , he 'd stick with his Barrier Vest . But maybe the kid had gone ahead with some unauthorized alterations . Out in the shed , where he kept his workshop . Thinking of the shed gave Shep another little bad dream jolt . When was the last time he 'd been out there to see what Nicholas was up to ? The boy 's projects had started small . He had found Shep 's Time / Life how - to guides and begun fixing things around the house , rewiring outlets and resurrecting a broken radio . He asked for books , and soon June , the town librarian , was bringing him three or four a day . Electrical Engineering : Principles and Applications . Topics in Modern Cosmology . Human Molecular Genetics , Problems and Sets . A biography of a man named Tesla . A very strange book called The Philadelphia Experiment and the Ontological Implications of Time Travel . Then Nicholas had rewired their TV so Shep could watch the second rematch between Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier . This was back at the beginning of October ; he 'd called Shepherd out of the tub , dragged him into the living room . " Thrilla in Manila , " the boy had said to the TV , as if he were a spy expecting a countersign , and the screen had flickered to life , Ali in the ring , shuffling and shadowboxing . It shouldn 't have been possible , because that fight was only broadcast on cable , and cable hadn 't come to Ruidoso yet , but there it was . A little scary , if you stopped to think about it . Shepherd turned the doorknob and pushed his way into the living room , an airy lodge - space with stairs up to the bedrooms and his study . In front of the fireplace , where a fire burned against the November chill , a leather sofa and loveseat faced each other across a rosewood coffee table , and a gangling , pimple - faced young man in baggy black coveralls was standing on their sofa cushions to wave a silver wand over the collection of Old West daguerreotypes hung along the pine board walls . He was noisily jawing a wad of pink gum while studying the readout of a little black box cradled in his huge hand . Shepherd had just opened his mouth to say , What the hell do you all think you 're doing ? when the two workers noticed him standing in the doorway . The girl froze . The kid didn 't put his gadgets down , but his eyes widened and he chewed even faster . " Hey Cosmo , " he called , " Lyle - uh , Trooper Shepherd just showed up . " At the gangling boy 's alert she and the tall man spotted Shepherd at the same moment . She looked relieved . The stranger seemed to blanch with fear for an instant , before recovering an expression of calm regard . The workers could wait . Skinny over there with June was obviously their supervisor . Shepherd reached them in three long steps . " Hey sweetheart , " he said , giving June a one - armed hug and kissing her hair , but not taking his eyes off the man , to whom he said , " You mind explaining who you are and what you 're doing here ? " " My name is Dr . Cosmo Price , Trooper Shepherd , " the tall man said . " Lincoln County Youth Services . Your wife holds my identification . I trust it will prove adequate ? " Shep took the billfold from her , examined the photo . Price had close - cropped graying hair , and outlandish , Civil War - era whiskers that bracketed his gaunt cheeks like hedges . But despite that hippyish affectation , he was an official of the State of New Mexico . Shepherd 's gut tightened . Once the government got involved , unless you were willing to hole up in the mountains with a rifle , there was usually only one outcome . " The ID 's fine , " Shepherd said , handing it back . " Now let 's see your search warrant . " Price cleared his throat as he pocketed his wallet . Underneath the coveralls he was wearing a black suit and an oddly old - fashioned tie , a cravat . " This isn 't a criminal investigation , Trooper Shepherd . The CYFD had a report of an undocumented juvenile living at this residence . By law we 're obligated to investigate . " Shepherd and June exchanged a look . They had a story prepared , but telling it to a state official . . . He said , " You 're talking about Nicky ? Nicholas is my godson . My sister and her husband were killed earlier this year in a fire . " " Such a terrible shame , " Price said . " Obviously this is simply a bureaucratic snafu . Easily cleared up ! May I make a copy of his birth certificate for our records ? " " The house was gutted . Nicholas 's birth certificate was destroyed . His social security card too . We 're waiting for replacements . " There were certain advantages to being a member of law enforcement . Thanks to the arrest , for possession of marijuana , of the teenage son of a certain local public official , Shepherd expected to have a completely official birth certificate for Nicholas within a couple of weeks . " When we receive them , I 'll be happy to drop off copies at your office . " " I see , I see , " Price said . " Trooper Shepherd , by law , undocumented minors are wards of the state and must be remanded to the Department of Youth Services . However my position does afford me a certain amount of latitude in my decisions . No one wants to remove a child from a safe environment . If we find the child has been well - cared for , we see no reason why he couldn 't remain here while the necessary paperwork is filed . Where is the boy now ? " " I 'd rather you not , " Shepherd cut in . He 'd never gone over the cover story with the boy , hadn 't wanted to give him the idea it was okay to lie to those in authority . But it was more than that . This man made his cop sense jangle . He seemed just a little too eager . " I don 't want you to scare him . He 's been through enough . In fact , it 's better if you go . " A quarter mile of steep dirt road ran from Highway 9 up to Shepherd 's cabin , and he took it slow , enjoying the crunch of fresh snow under his pursuit car 's tires and the sharp tang of pine wafting through his open window . To the right , occasional breaks in the forest framed the soaring Sacramento Mountains . Shepherd was thinking he could take Nicholas up to Sierra Blanca next weekend . Teach the kid to ski . That 'd be a good time - family time . Family . . . six months ago family seemed a gift fate had denied Shep and his wife June . The boy 's arrival had changed that . He 'd brought a whole new kind of happiness into their lives , and for that they owed him . Shepherd was looking forward to making good on that debt . This pleasant reverie lasted until Shep rounded the corner at the top of the driveway and found two unfamiliar vehicles parked next to his wife 's beat - up orange Bronco . A ' 74 Country Squire station wagon , tan with wood trim , and a Ford Econoline cargo van , enamel blue . Both with government plates . CYFD stenciled on the side of the van . CYFD was Lincoln County 's Children , Youth , and Families Department . " Well fuck me , " Shepherd muttered . He killed the ignition and sat there listening to the tick - tick - tick of the cooling V8 engine , squeezing and releasing the steering wheel rhythmically , telling himself to relax . He and June had known this moment would come . Maybe it had caught them before their preparations were complete , but that was no reason to panic . " Alright ? They just aren 't . " He shoulder butted the door open , climbed out of the car , put on his uniform 's Stratton hat . Late May , gold poppies blooming , temperatures already breaking 100 degrees almost every afternoon . A kid on his own in the middle of the desert . Shepherd , six feet three inches of State Trooper in jackboots and jodhpurs , got out of the car to wait for him . The boy just scuffling along , his red denim overalls gone gray at the cuffs . His blond hair was plastered dark at the temples , and his face was pale , with patches of hectic color in his cheeks . Maybe on the verge of heat prostration . But as he stopped about six feet away , he didn 't look scared , or even relieved . Expectant , maybe . " Bit of a hike from here to Carrizozo , " Shepherd said , taking off his mirrored aviators and giving the kid what he hoped was a reassuring smile . In fact , it was almost twenty - five miles to Carrizozo , and a good twenty miles back the other way to Tularosa . To the west stood the barbed wire fences of the White Sands Missile Range . To the east there was nothing but sand and scrub brush for days . " What 's your name , son ? " For the moment , Shepherd decided to let it go . He sighed and went around to open the cruiser 's passenger door . " Well , climb in . I might have something left from my lunch . " Except he didn 't . All he had were the crusts from his sandwich and a thermos of watery ice coffee . Not the kind of thing to offer a what , a ten year - old ? A good - looking kid , but skinny . Shepherd decided to make sure the boy had at least one good meal in his belly before he was abandoned to the horror of New Mexico 's foster care system . June 'd be happy to set an extra place at the dining room table . Right now he ought to offer the kid something , though . Take his mind off things . Shepherd sat in the driver 's seat , considering , then reached past the boy to pop open the glovebox and pull out his secret stash . " You like comic books ? " He handed the boy issue # 39 of Captain Marvel , ' Ba ' al Shar and the Gate of Infinite Tomorrows ' . Shep also had The Fantastic Four , Namor the Sub - mariner , and Jonah Hex . He 'd loved comics since he was a kid . Brought a stack with him to Vietnam , where they 'd helped keep him sane . He hadn 't seen any reason to stop reading them now that he was a Trooper . June fell in love with the child at first sight . After dinner she joined Shepherd on the porch swing , a sweating glass of lemonade in each hand . At this altitude the desert evenings were usually cool , but tonight the air was almost sultry . Meteors were dropping behind the Sacramentos like white hot sparks . " Poor thing , he just looks so exhausted , " she said , handing Shep his drink . " Lyle … do you have to take him to Las Cruces tonight ? " Las Cruces was where the CYFD kept wards of the state . " Can 't we let him sleep here ? " Shepherd frowned . " We do that , I 'll be in for an ass - chewing . Sgt . Newkirk is hell on procedure , you know that . " But when she tipped her face away to hide her disappointment he put a finger under her chin to draw her back . " Hey , I don 't mind . Newkirk 's bark is worse than his bite . " As Shepherd sat with his arm around his wife and watched Sierra Blanca 's snowline burn orange and pink in the sun 's last light , he thought , That kid needs a family . And immediately after : Why not us ? Both of them well north of thirty , married for nine years next April . There had been too many mornings when he pretended he hadn 't heard June crying in the bathroom over the onset of her period , him lying in bed , wondering if it was his fault . Maybe it wasn 't the usual way , but if the Lord sent them a child to care for , who were they to question His wisdom ? When Shepherd left for work the next day , Nicholas was still asleep in the guest bedroom . At the State Police barracks , Shepherd had checked the teletype : no missing persons report had been filed for a boy answering Nicholas 's description . He kept checking , every day for a month , and then it just sort of fell by the wayside . Now somehow it was six months later , and Shepherd was thinking he might be in some deep shit . Part II Sanford Meschkow ' sINEVITABLESanford Meschkow is a retired former NYer who married a Philly suburban Main Line girl . Sanford has been pub - lished in a 1970s issue of AMAZING . We welcome him here on the FREE - ZINE of Fantasy and Science Fiction . Brian " Flesheater " Stoneking ' sTHE RECIDIVISTBrian " Flesheater " Stoneking ' sTHE MEMORY SECTORBrian " Flesheater " Stoneking currently resides in the high desert of Phoenix , Arizona where he enjoys campy horror movies within the comfort of an Insane Asylum . Search for his science fiction stories at The Intestinal Fortitude in the Flesheater 's World section . The Memory Sector is his first appearance in the Freezine of Fantasy and Science Fiction . Owen R . Powell ' sNOETIC VACATIONSLittle is known of the mysteriousOwen R . Powell ( oftentimes referredto as Orp online ) . That is because heusually keeps moving . The story Noetic Vacations marks his first appearance in the Freezine . Edward Morris ' sMERCY STREETEdward Morris is a 2011 nominee forthe Pushcart Prize in literature , hasalso been nominated for the 2009Rhysling Award and the 2005 BritishScience Fiction Association Award . His short stories have been publishedover a hundred and twenty times infour languages , most recently at PerhihelionSF , the Red Penny Papers ' SUPERPOW ! anthology , and TheMagazine of Bizarro Fiction . He livesand works in Portland as a writer , editor , spoken word MC and bouncer , and is also a regular guest author atthe H . P . Lovecraft Film Festival . Gene Stewart ( writing as Art Wester ) GROUND PORKGene Stewart ' sCRYPTID ' S LAIRGene Stewart is a writer and artist . He currently lives in the MidwestAmerican Wilderness where he isresearching tales of mystical realism , writing ficta mystica , and exploringthe dark by casting a little light intothe shadows . Follow this link to hiswebsite where there are many samplesof his writing and much else ; come explore . Adam Bolivar 's SERVITORS OF THEOUTER DARKNESS Adam Bolivar ' sTHE DEVIL & SIRFRANCIS DRAKEAdam Bolivar ' sTHE TIME - EATERAdam Bolivar is an expatriate Bostonian who has lived in New Orle ~ follow by e - mail ~ + IMAGES BELOW HYPER - LINK TO THE STORIES + Bruce Boston ' s5 Poems from CHRONICLES ofthe MUTANT RAIN FORESTclick image below to begin ! Bruce Boston distinguishes himself with an impressive variety of fiction and poetry published in outlets such as Asimov 's SF , The Twilight Zone Magazine , Amazing Stories , Realms of Fantasy , Weird Tales , and Year 's Best Fantasy & Horror to name just a few . He 's the recipient of the Bram Stoker Award , the Rhysling Award of the Science Fiction Poetry Association , the Balticon Poetry Award , and the Grandmaster Award of the SFPA . He 's written a story and a novel which have both been finalists for the Bram Stoker Award . He is the author of the novels The Guardener 's Tale and Stained Glass Rain , as well as the collection of short stories Masque of Dreams . He dwells in the City of Trees with his wife Marge Simon and the ghosts of their cats . Along with Robert Frazier , he co - authored the collection of poems Chronicles of the Mutant Rain Forest , published in 1992 by Horror 's Head Press out of NY . A . A . Attanasio ' sSWIMMING in the GHOST RIVER + + A . A . Attanasio is a novelist and student of the imagination living in Honolulu . Fantasies , visions , hallucinations or whatever we call those irrational powers that illum - inate our inner life fascinate him . He 's particularly intrigued by the creative intelligence that scripts our dreams . And he loves carrying this soulful energy outside his mind , into the one form that most precisely defines who we are : story . Misha Nogha ' sJUPITER RINGThe author Misha ( Nogha ) was born in 1955 in St Paul , Minne - sota of mixed Nordic and Metis ancestry . She received her edu - cation from Eastern Washing - ton University , Portland State University , and Eastern Oregon University with degrees in Eng - lish Literature and Secondary Education with endorsements in Language Arts and French . Misha has studied Cree medicine path and Seidr , an ancient form of Nordic shamansim . She ismarried to a Badger andthey have four children . John Shirley ' sMEERGA + click images to read + John Shirley 's WHERE TJohn Shirley ' sTHE SOFTEST PILLOW + Click to begin + John Shirley ' sELDER CRUISERJohn Shirley ' sCYRANO AND THE TWO PLUMESJohn Shirley ' sTHE WAY TO ALEXANDRIAJohn Shirley ' sSKY PIRATESJohn Shirley 's latest novel is the historical novel Wyatt in Wichita put out by Skyhorse Press . Prior to that he wrote Doyle After Death [ Witness Impulse , 2013 ] . His recent novels include Bleak History [ Gallery Books , 2009 ] ; Everything Is Broken [ Prime Books , 2012 ] and the best - selling Bioshock : Rapture [ Tor Books , 2012 ] . " John Shirley was cyberpunk 's patient zero , first locus of the virus , certifiably virulent . A Carrier . " - William Gibson " A Song Called Youth might very well be John Shirley 's signature production , still ringing with the clarion call of a bygone era . " - Asimov 's " The ' Eclipse trilogy ' by John Shirley is one of the finest examples of cyberpunk ' war ' novels available . A mesmerizing dark future setting , coherent intrigue , heavy - duty warfare and lots of characters you care for . . . it will keep you awake at night . " - Transputer QasarA SONG CALLED YOUTH is now available from Prime Books as one big trade paperback volume . Order your copy now . John Shirley is also the winner of the Bram Stoker Award for his story collection BLACK BUTTERFLIES : A FLOCK ON THE DARK SIDE ( Mark V . Zeising ) . It was picked as one of the best books of the year by Publisher 's Weekly . His CITY COME A - WALKIN ' ( Dell ) is a seminal early cyberpunk novel and was selected as one of the Best Books of the Year by the Locus Reader 's Poll . His " A SONG CALLED YOUTH " trilogy ( Warner Books ) , ECLIPSE , ECLIPSE PENUMBRA , and ECLIPSE CORONA , are fundamental and important cyberpunk works . Other novels include the surreal interplanetary fantasy A SPLENDID CHAOS ( Franklin Jones ) , the horror classics CELLARS ( Avon ) , IN DARKNESS WAITING ( Avon ) , and WETBONES ( Mark V . Ziesing ) , as well as the recent novel of " alternative apocalypse " THE OTHER END ( Cemetery Dance ) . More recently he wrote BLACK GLASS ( ESP books ) . He 's also written screenplays , ( eg , " TheBlog Archive so many dead lines . remote scanning for the few live wires . feeling in the dark with hands bound . look what i have found . All my poems © shaun a . lawton the FREEZINE now features over twenty authors and more than forty stories , formatted for easy access on your media or mobile interface of choice . Subscribe and get your daily dose of prose today , or Follow by Email . Tell a friend , there are all sorts of strange and twisted stories buried in the blog archive of the FREEZINE just waiting to be discovered . Warning : the tales in the Freezine of Fantasy and Science Fiction may cause unwarranted spells of temporary dizziness and / or madness , from which a total recovery can only be guaranteed by following on google or facebook . FREE ZINE ZONE : the ART of the FREEZINE
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I love knitting so much that I have started a blog for knitting . Knitting is a job that I will like to go on . Through knitting I breathe life into many people 's life . It is knitting time . When I want to relax I do it with knitting . I am a knitting buff . I love to do knitting on various topics . There is no way that you can stop me doing knitting . I am born with a flare for knitting . My face brightens once I touch the knitting needs . The electronic media has helped knitting to travel across the world . Every stitch made will talk about how knitting has influenced people . I have done some and would like to share it with you . Some patterns have been taken from free knitting sites . Some designs have been created by me . Many a times I have modified the patterns to suite my requirements . Finally I can say that I breathe knitting , I talk knitting , I walk knitting - a total knitaholic In knitting , the loops of thread are formed by a pair of rods called needles . Patterns are created by using contrast threads . In weft knitting , the regular hand - knitting process that can also be done by machine , the work progresses back and forth ; in each course , or new row of stitches , one loop is added to each wale , or chain of loops hanging vertically from the needles . In warp knitting , which is done by machine , the work progresses along the wales . Knitted tubing can be made on spools or circular frames without needles . The yarn or thread is held on a row of pegs that project from and surround the center opening of the spool or frame . Such knitting is also possible when the yarn is held on four of the knitter 's fingers instead of on a spool , and it can be made on a large circular needle . It can be said that the pre - Columbian Peru by the nazca culture [ 100 BC - AD700 ] developed this art in the fringes of woven cloths . Knitting apparently was introduced into Europe by the Arabs during the 5th century . During the Middle Ages guilds controlled the manufacture of knitted goods such as woollen caps . The craft flourished in England and Scotland in the 14th and 15th centuries . By 1589 a machine to knit stockings had been perfected in Nottingham by the English clergyman William Lee , whose knitting frame was so excellent that few improvements were needed for over 250 years . Later English developments - a ribbing device ( 1758 ) , a warp - knitting machine ( 1775 ) , and a circular knitting machine ( 19th century ) - This led to the modern day industry of hosiery and other garments . The 19th century machine - knitted underclothes were common . Commercial knitting centers developed in English cities such as Nottingham and Leicester , and in the U . S . in Germantown , Pennsylvania , and in India Ludhiana and Tirupur are centeres for machine knitting industries . Today it has been developed as a handcraft . It is considered as a folk art which has rich traditional regional designs . It is so popular that many designs are being circulating in printed handbooks . In Scandinavia , regional patterns in yarns of contrasting color became characteristic . Other regional styles , such as those of Ireland and the Shetland Islands , were distinguished by different patterns . Another style that was developed is ribbon knitting , in which the use of flat ribbons rather than soft yarns results in a markedly distinctive fabric . In addition to these hand techniques , small knitting machines , which require a high degree of artisanship in their use , also became available to home knitters . Knitting is something that all of us are familiar . Hence one will feel inclined to know when and how the art of knitting by hand started . It is to be noted that yarn fibers are biodegradable . It is believed that knitting was practised even before the birth of Christ . Historians have found out that a pair of knitted socks that was discovered in Egyptian tombs dates from the 3rd to 6th centuries A . D . This can be considered ad the earliest archaeological evidence of knitted garments . The earliest knitting needle was made as brass rod that can be dated to early Iron Age . dates back to the early Iron Age . Spinning of wool started around 4000 B . C . near the Mediterranean Sea . The first wool factory that was established in England was build by the Romans in 50 A . D . The early form of knitting is considered to be a crossed knitting . They were also known as single - needle knitting and pseudo knitting . In crossed knitting , the stitches are rotated a half turn instead of aligning vertically . This knitting method was highly developed by the Nazca culture in Peru ( 100 B . C . - A . D . 700 ) in the fringes of their woven cloths . Frequent color changes in these fringes were used to create intricate human and animal figures . There are several theories with regard to the origins of knitting and it is very hard to trace them . There are several theories that talk about the art of knitting . It is believed that knitting might have started in Persia . While other thinkers think it might have originated from Israel , Jordan and Syria . Many feel that it might have started in the mountains of North Africa , or even Japan or China . It is assumed that knitting might have been the off shoot of knitting of fish - nets by men . It has been found that some Egyptian burials have socks and other items made which were done using the crossed - knitting technique . The dates found are to be as far back as the 4th or 5th century B . C . There have been knitted socks found in Egyptian tombs ( 3rd and 6th centuries A . D ) . Knitted pieces were found at the Dura - Europas site near the Euphrates River ( about A . D . 200 ) . Sandal socks were from Saudi Arabia ( about A . D . 350 ) . It is to be noted that the earliest socks were worked in nalebinding technique ; which was an ancient craft which often looks very similar to present day knitting . Many a times it might have confused many archaeologists with did not have any formal training in the history of needlework . A pair of patterned cotton socks from Egypt , dating from A . D . 1100 is considered as a example of " true " knitting or that may be nalebinding too . Socks and stockings were the first items to be knitted because knitting was ideally suited for shaping a garment to fit the foot at a time when fabric and sewing woven cloth were less flexible . The Complete Encyclopedia of Stitchery by Mildred Graves Ryan says that most historians agree that knitting was probably spread by ( probably male ) Arabian sailors and merchants who traveled throughout the Mediterranean . Many people believe that knitting was first invented by Arabian nomads who carried the craft into Egypt , during the 5th century A . D . Knitting was then carried through North Africa , and into Spain . From Spain , traveling Catholics picked it up and spread it quickly throughout Europe . It was only from the early 14th century that we have the first references to knitting in Europe . At that time , the purl stitch was unknown , which meant that in order to produce plain knitting , people had to knit in the round and then cut it open if they needed to . The first reference to purl stitch was not until the mid 16th century , but the knowledge of how to do it may have preceded that a little . Although nobody knows exactly when knitting started . Knitting as we know it today is considered as a recent craft . It has be accepted as a crafts similar to true knitting , such as cross - knitting and nalebinding . It is noted that this was practiced in a lot of different countries and cultures too , from Japan to Egypt to Peru . Knitting clearly filled a need in people 's making of garments which is still continuing and growing . 13 th of July is the birthday of Erno Rubik ( 1944 ) . The Hungarian inventor is best known for his invention of the Rubik 's Cube in the spring of 1974 . One eighth of the world 's population has laid hands on the Cube , the most popular puzzle in history . There is only 1 correct answer and 43 quintillion wrong ones for Rubik 's Cube . Posted by Every year 12 th of July is considered as USA Woman VP Day . In 1984 , Democratic presidential candidate Walter Mondale chose Geraldine Ferraro as his running mate . She was verified at the party convention a week later on July 19th . Ferraro became the first woman to run for vice president from a major party . In 1816 , 18 congressmen met in San Miguel de Tucuman and signed a formal declaration of independence against the king of Spain . So every year they celebrate their Independence Day on 9 th of July . So for the children of Argentine , this day marks the beginning of two weeks vacation from school . Phaethon was born to Clymene and god Phoebus - Apollo - who was not a mortal man . Phoebus used to daily ride across the world in his Sun 's dazzling chariot . The lad 's friends used to mock at him when he talked about his high birth . One day under his mother 's instruction he sought from the heavenly sire a boon through which he would be known as of divine race . Before dawn he came to the golden palace of Phoebus , where the purple - mantled god sat on his ivory throne , amid a rainbow sheen of jewels . The hours , the Days , the Months and all his ministers and henchmen stood around him . The seasons were all there . Spring was covered with fresh blossoms . Summer was naked and had clothes of leaves and had crowns with ears of corn . Autumn was colored by the bunches of fruit he held in his sun burnt arms . Winter was shivering who had snow - white locks . Seeing this magnificent scene Phaethon 's eyes were filled with ecstasy . He did not dare to move towards the throne , but waited till his father would call him by his name . Phoebus laid aside his crown of sun rays which mortal being could not take a gaze . He welcomed his son to the halls of the heaven and enquired what brought him from earth . As soon he heard his father 's words , the beardless boy went near with a hesitation and saw the god 's smiling face . He complained that many of his friends would not believe him to be Apollo 's son . Hence he requested that the god give him a promise or a boon that would enable the whole world to know about his birth . God replied that even before the world comes to know he accepts him as his son . Since he asked for a proof of favour he will grant him . He says that he swears by the Styx [ river ] a oath that binds even the gods . To this request Phoebus , head started to glow with anger . He charges that as a youth who is mortal cannot do a feat as gods have not been able to do safely . He said that Jupiter himself does not take the reins of the Sun 's coursers . He also said that among all the sons of Olympus , he alone could stand firm in the burning car . he had the courage to correctly ride the fiery spiritual horses on their sloppy and gruelling path . Hence he said that he earnestly request him to take back this dangerous boon . he further tells him to ask any thing else that is in heaven and earth . he once again swears in the name of Styx . To this the youth was steadfast on his request and would not budge under any circumstances . Phoebus realised that none of his fatherly counsellings would deter this youth . So the lord of the Sun finally gave up . as he was bound by his oath he consented , but feared what would the final outcome if he handed over the steeds to a weak hand . Now the time came for the daily journey . Aurora began to draw back the rosy curtains of the East . Phoebus led his son to Vulcan 's masterpiece - the golden chariot that was studded with sparkling gems . It was so rich and beautiful . The vanishing stars and the fading on the Moon 's horns were signal to lead out the four coursers of the Sun . The swift horses were pawing and neighing showed as they were fed with ambrosia and refreshed by the night 's rest and they were ready to accomplish their accustomed task . While the swift - fingered Hours fitted on their clanking and harnessed them to the chariot - pole . Phoebus with great fondness anointed the youth with a sacred balm so that he would be able to bear the heat of his glowing course . The impatient son would not hear to the Gods warnings . Phoebus started to give instructions to his son . he said that he should stick to the straight path which was marked with signs of beasts . He should watch or guard while going by the horns of the Bull and the mouth of the roaring Lion . Avoid the far - stretched claws of the Scorpion or the Crab . Stay away from North Pole and South Pole . Must hold the upper arch of the sky from east to West . The safest would be the middle way . Not to sink too far down as the earth might catch fire or rise too high that might scorch the face of heaven . To spare the goad , must draw the reins tight as the horses would fly by themselves and their job was to hold them . He now requested his son to mount the chariot and to think twice in time . This ride would not earn him honour but would get punishment and destruction . He told his son to leave the chariot to him and he should be content to sit and watch its course like any other normal being . Phaethon urged that mettlesome team through the morning mists , with east wind following to sweep him on hid proud career . But soon the swiftness took away his breath . His head began to spin as the car under his light weight shook and swayed like a keel without a blast . The fiery coursers realised that their reins were in an unpractised hand . As he was not able to control the horses started to aside and they left their wonted way . Everyone in the earth were shocked to see the chariot of the Sun speeding crookedly overhead as a flash of lightening . Even before he could travel some distance Phaethon started to repent for his ambition . Now he wanted to wish for a boon that would save his life from this perilous honour . It was too late and now he realised how wise was his father when he had warned him . His head started to whirl , his face grew white and his knees shook as he looked to the earth and the sea beneath and the sky above . AS he did not know the names of the horses he was not able to control them . They no longer was mindful of his hand and took their own course in the sky . They pranced at their will . As they soared upwards in the sky , the clouds started to smoke . The Moon looked in dismay to see her brothers chariot being strangely guided . As the horses came near to the sea to cool themselves , they passed very close to a mountain and immediately the mountain went up in flames . Disaster fell upon earth . Today the Sun was not in the correct course . It seemed it was rushing down like a meteor , while burning the face of nature and works of man . The grass withered ; the crops were burnt . The woods went up in fire and smoke . Then bare earth beneath cracked and crumbled and the blackened rocks started to burst under the heat . The rivers dried up and fled back to their hidden fountains . The lakes began to boil . The sea sank in its bed . The fishes lay gasping for breath on the shore . Poseidon thrice raised his head and thrice plunged back into his waves unable to bear the deadly glow . Scythia was not shielded by its frosts . Caucasus was not shielded by its snows . Mighty Atlas let the red - hot world fall from his shoulders . It is said that on this day negroes were burnt to black . One stretch of land became a sandy desert where men nor animals could live . . The whole world was destroyed by the Sun 's charioteer . Calamity fell on man . The cry was so powerful that all powerful Zeus who was sleeping during the noonday hour , quickly woke up and raised to see what had befallen . He snatched a thunderbolt which was ready in his hand and hurled at the smoky air and struck the senseless Phaethon . As he was not able to control himself , he fell down with his dashing locks . It was like a falling star that would land on the river Eridanus . The horses of the Sun shook off their yokes and broke loose in their stalls in the sky . This indicated that night had set in . The earth was still flickering like fire because of the folly of Phaethon . So on that fateful day the son of Phoebus - Apollo came to an end because he did not listen to his fathers warnings . But there were some who came to mourn for his loss . The nymphs of the Eridanus gave him a burial on its banks . His mother who was struck with grief came to pour her hearts blood in sorrow . His three sisters wept bitterly and they pietyed . Gods changed them into trees that started to drop tears of amber upon the water . His friend Cygnus dived into the river to gather Phaethon 's charred body parts , he pined in grief and finally he was granted to haunt the stream in the shape of a swan . Posted by Acacallis is the daughter of Minos and Pasiphae . She became pregnant by Apollo and was banished by her father to Libya . Here she bore Amphithemis , who later came to be known as Garamas . The Cretans claimed that she was also the mother by Hermes of Cydon . Eponym of the Cretan city of Cydonia . The Arcadians say that Cydon was the son of Tegeates and migrated to crete . some say that Acacallis also has a son Miletus by apollo . It is a city on the Asian side of the Hellespont . Abydus - like many other cities was on either side of the Hellespont . It was allied with Troy in the trojan War . . It is better remembered as the home of Leander , in the Hellenistic romance of Hero and Leander . Posted by He was the son of Hermes from Opus in Locris . He is generally said to have been a young lover of Heracles . Heracles left him to guard the notorious man - eating mares of the Bistonian king Diomedes and returned to find that the youth had been eaten . heracles hence built the city of Abdera in Abderus 's memory . Abas1 was the king of argos . Abas is the son of Lynceus and Hypermnestra . He was a great warrior and succeeded his father on the throne . He marries Aglaea . She was the daughter of mantineus , who bore him twin sons - Acrisius and Proetus and a daughter named Idomene . Abas also had an illegal son Lyrcus . Abantes is an European tribe . The Abantes were named by Abas . Under Abas 's son Chalcodon 's - they engaged in an unsucessful struggle for power with Thebes . Chalcodon 's son Elephenor - gave sanctuary To the two sons of Theseus , king of Athens at Euboea . He led the Euboean forces to the Trojan War . Large numbers of Abantes were among the Greek migrants who colonized various cities of Ionia - In Asia Minor . Posted by Once upon a time a little Red Hen lived by herself . Near her house an old Fox who was crafty and sly made a den for itself in the rocks . It was a dream that fox wanted to taste the Red Hen . His aim was to boil the Red Hen in his big kettle and eat her for dinner . He made many attempts but was not succesful as the Red Hen was was too wise . When ever she went out she locked her house behind her and when ever she came home she locked the door . She put the key into her apron . There she had a sugar cooky and a pair of scissors . One day the fox decided that the day was right to catch the Hen and he would bring her home . He told his mother to keep the kettle boiling and when he would come in the evening he would be bringing the Red Hen and they could eat her for supper . Then he took a big bag and slung it over his shoulder , and walked till he came to the little Red Hen 's house . The little Red Hen was just coming out of her door to pick up a few sticks for kindling wood . So the old Fox hid behind the wood - pile , and as soon as she bent down to get a stick , into the house he slipped , and scurried behind the door . It shook the Red Hen and she dashed inside to her house , closed the door and locked it . She thought that she was safe and had a narrow escape . But it was not to happen . When she turned around after taking a deep breath , she saw the fox with a bag on his shoulder . So scared was the Red Hen that she dropped her apron sticks and flew to the ceiling top . There on a beam she pearched herself . She gathered her courage and told to the fox down below , you will not be able to catch me today hence go home . The fox being wily decided on a plan . He started to twirl around in circles . After some time the Red Hen felt dizzy watching the fox . She was not able to hold herself and she fell down from her pearch . As sson as the Hen dropped down the fox immediately put her in his big bag and carried her over his shoulder . Now the fox was racing to his house , where the boiling kettle was waiting for him . It was an uphill task for the fox as he had a long way to go up the hill . After some time when the dizziness began to go the Red Hen understood how she was tricked . immediately she removed the scissors from her apron pocket and snipped it and cut a hole in the bag . As soon as she reached a vantage point she cut the hole bigger and jumped out off the bag . There she saw a big stone lying and the Red Hen picked the stone and put it in the bag without the knowledge of the fox who was dreaming . In a giffy the Red Hen started to run as fast as possible till she came to her farm . She went inside and locked the door from inside with the big key . The old Fox went on carrying the stone and never knew the difference . He felt tired when he got home . He did not mind the travel as he felt he was going to have a great meal . AS soon he reached home he asked his mother if the kettle was boiling . To this his mother said , yes the kettle is boiling . She was surprised to know that her son was finally able to catch the Red Hen . The fox replied that indeed he has caught the Red Hen . He told his mother that we he opens the bag , she should hold the cover of the kettle . He said that when he shakes the bag the Hen will fall into the kettle and she should cover the kettle so that the Hen does not run away . To this idea his mother agreed and she stood near the boiling kettle with the cover in her hand so that she could accomplish the act . The Fox took the big heavy bag near to the kettle and opened the bag on to the kettle . He gave a ggod shake thinking the Hen would fall in to the kettle . But this was not to happen . As soon he shook the bag splash went the big stone into the kettle . As the stone went in the the boiling water came out and it splashed on the fox and his mother . As the hot water fell on them they were urnt to death . And so the little Red Hen lived happily ever after , in her own little farmhouse . It so happened that one day the Sun and the Wind started to quarrel among themselves to show their supremacy . They wanted to find out who was the stronger among them . Each believed himself to be the more powerful . As they were arguing suddenly they noticed a traveler walking along the country highway . he was wearing a cloak . They decided that this was their opportune time to test their strength on this traveler . Hence Moon decided that their strength would be tested to know who was the stronger among them . Moon said that if the traveler removed this cloak then one of them would be the strongest person . Whoever did this feat then he should be accepted as the strongest person and the other must respect the other . To this the Sun agreed . At once the Wind began to blow . He puffed and tugged at the man 's cloak , and raised a storm of hail and rain , to beat at it . But the colder it grew and the more it stormed , the tighter the traveler held his cloak around him . The Wind could not get it off . Now it was the turn of the Sun . He shone with all his beams on the man 's shoulders . As it grew hotter and hotter , the man unfastened his cloak . Then he threw it back and finally at last he took it off . Hence Sun was declared as the winner . Posted by In that town , there lives a young candy seller . When the young man heard the story , he remembered something his mother had said . She had once told him about a special herb that was good for the eyes . The poor man : Oh ! I 'm so cold and tired . Where shall I sleep ? Oh , there 's an old temple over there . I 'm sure I can sleep there . Centipede : You helped me . Now I 'll help you . We 're all one . Go south . Look for a bead under a pine tree with two trunks . Put the bead in a drink and tell the rich man to drink it down . The poor man : Thank you , my friend . He left the temple . He walked until late in the afternoon , but all he saw were normal pine trees . When he found the strange tree , he tried to find the bead . But he couldn 't find it . The poor man : I 'll never find the bead here . It 's too small . I need help . Ants , ants , we 're all one ! Ant friends , please help me . Help me find the small bead . Oh , thank you , my ant friends . Now I can go home . Having found the bead , the poor man went back to his town . The poor man : Here ! Put the bead in a drink . It 'll cure your eyes . It is to be noted that even the heroes of ancient Greece used harsh soaps and bleaches to lighten and redden their hair . This was done primarily to be identified as these colors were associated with honour and courage . Even during the first - century Romans preferred dark hair . This was made so by a dye concocted from boiled walnuts and leeks . Things have not changed much over centuries . More and more youngsters are experimenting with styles . Perming , dyeing and straightening hair seems to be a new fashion statement . This is popular among the teens and younger people . Warning - it is to be noted that one must thoroughly understand the risks factors that are involved when you dye your hair . Hi every body have you ever heard that there is a pistol that fits in your pocket and packs a hell of a punch . This is the SwissMiniGun . The size of the gun is that of a key fob . It has the capability to fire tiny 270mph bullets which are powerful enough to kill at close range . It is officially the world 's smallest working revolver . At present the gun is being marketed as a collector 's item . It measures 2 . 16 inches long . It can fire real 4 . 53 bullets up to a range of 367ft . The stainless steel gun costs £ 3 , 000 . The manufacturers have the facility to produce made - to - order versions that will suite to their customer base . They have produced this gun entirely made out of 18 - carat gold with customised diamond studs which sell for up to £ 30 , 000 . It is very important to note that Ruth Handler on 9 th March 1959 created Barbie . Hence every 9 th March is celebrated as Barbie 's birthday . Ruthnamed the doll after her daughter Barbara . Barbie fans please note that barbie is from Willows , Wis . . Barbie attended Willows High School . She has more than 108 careers . The saddest part is that Barbie and Ken broke up on Valntine 's Day in 2004 . Their associattion spanned across 43 years together . It is said that they are still friends even today . Burj Khalifa ( known as Burj Dubai prior to its inauguration ) is a skyscraper in Dubai , United Arab Emirates , and the tallest man - made structure ever built , at 828 m . The tower 's architecture and engineering were performed by Skidmore , Owings , and Merrill of Chicago , with Adrian Smith as chief architect , and Bill Baker as chief structural engineer . The total cost for the project was about US $ 1 . 5 billion . Posted by A person is identified by his body gestures . Body gestures talk a lot about a person . Peter Collett a body language expert in his book ' Book Of Tells ' has given a detailed of all these gestures and what they mean or how people associate certain traits when they do some work . Scratching nose : People tend to scratch the nose when they want to hide something . These are people who are not telling the truth and are covering up to tell a lie . So to avoid being detected they scratch the nose so that no one is in a position to see the mouth , hence you can go on fibbing to the core . Foot point : Facing of your foot indicates what you 're thinking . When you follow the line of someone 's foot and it will show you what they 're most interested in - if it 's the door , they want to leave . Open hands : Showing the palms of your hands is a friendly gesture showing that you have peaceful intentions . It indicates acceptance , good intentions and that you 're open to new ideas . Hiding them , on the other hand , shows that you don 't want to give anything away . Furrowed brows : Lowering the brows is a predomentaly a gesture associated with men , which tells people , that he is the boss and he is looking at you . It also conveys that he is in charge of the situation . Shifting weight : When you want to escape from a conversation , you shift your weight from side to side or back to front . Men also sometimes do this when chatting to a pretty girl to make themselves appear energetic . Lip nibbling : Lip nibbling , means biting the lower lip or a corner of the mouth with the upper teeth . . This is done to prevent someone from speaking . Hence it is used by people who want to stop themselves from saying something . Tilting head : More often practised by a woman when they want to flirt and appear more attractive . It appeals to a man because it lowers her height , and exposes the neck . As the neck is one of the most vulnerable parts of your body , showing it to someone is a way of saying , ok I know that . Looking up : It means that you want to escape from a situation or you do not know about the topic that is being discussed . Hence when you look up , you 're seeking help from above . People with a sense of self - importance also do it . According to the Daily Mail it suggests that they are in contact with the Almighty . Blinking : It 's a sign someone 's worried , excited or even lying as they 're under stress and thinking very rapidly . The Marina Bay in Singapore has a floating platform . It is the world 's largest floating stage . This floating stage is constructed on the waters of the Marina Reservoir , located in Marina Bay in Singapore . The structure is made up of steel . The floating platform measures 120 meares long and 83 metres wide . This is approx . 5 % bigger than the soccer field located in National Stadium . The platform can hold weights upto 1 , 070 tonnes , when translated it will amount to the total weight of 9 , 000 people , 200 tonnes of stage props and three 30 - tonne military vehicles . It has a gallery that can accomodate 30 , 000 people . Posted by Erma Bombeck ( 1927 ) was an American humorist who achieved great popularity for her newspaper column She used to describe the suburban home life humorously from the mid - 1960 's until the late 1990s . She also published 15 books most of which became best - sellers . And even today her writings are ever popular in US . In 2002 , Edmar Freitas , a Brazilian weight - training instructor , completed 111 , 000 sit - ups in 24 hours to break the former record of 103 , 000 set by American champion Bill Evans . In 2003 , he reportedly broke his own record by 6 hours and nearly 23 , 000 sit - ups , for a total of 133 , 986 in 30 hours . So March 6 th is remembered as world sit up record day Today was a normal day ; there was nothing new to happen . As usual I was flipping through the news paper The New Indian Express . I always use to scan the advertisement page . Lo I found a new advertisement on a product on skin care . When looking close by I saw that a new outlet has been opened in a shopping mall that was in the next street of my house . As soon as I saw this advertisement I was reminded of my friend Julie . Julie was my neighbour when I was living in the railway quarters . Julie was always in the habit of dressing herself . Her mother used to say that she is wearing a war paint . Her obsession to make up was much that she would just buy anything that was new in the market . She had a huge collection of makeups in her kit and she would never share it with others . Imagine how much she would be having . Suddenly I felt that why not I try this product . Without telling mom I went to the shopping mall and picked up the literature . I knew very well that my mom would be angry if she comes to know of my outing . Our family is against these sorts of items . They believe in our traditional herbs consisting of besan , haldi , and milk . This has been a proved product that is very good to skin and does not have any side effects . The name of the product is X - your skin care expert . It says that it would redefine the DNA of perfect skin . I shall sum up what the ingredient is . It is made up of anti - oxidants and nutriences . It says it has an aromatherapy which will refresh as it has geranium and essential oils that would relax the skin and will bring the lost glow to your skin . It will also act as a defense against environmental aggression . They confirm that it will improve skin firmness and elasticity . It will enhance skin luminosity . It will aid to reduce the visible fine lines and also will soften the deeply hydrated skin . I think this is some sort of a salon that has branches across the globe . Hence to attract customers they might have done in - house research and developed this product . Now I have to ponder over the various options in front of me Do you think that I should try this product ? You know that the earlier creams I use made my skin bright for only a few hours and after some time it started looking dull . It did have side effects as it brought some dark patches near my eyes . It also gave a statutory warning that " Results may vary " I am in a fix what I should do ? I have to do a facial so that I can look presentable for the forthcoming interview . Should I contact their local toll free number and personally go and check for myself . I would like to get an opinion from the customer who has used this cream . Have to wait till I am able to get hold of a previous customer . Until such time wait for some time and then take the next course of action . Till such time I shall use the old cream as I am sure that it is not allergic to my skin and I feel very comfortable . Earth is seen as a living organism that can breathe . It can regulate temperature , burns energy and has the capacity to renew its skin . Earth is viwed as a metal ball coated with rocks , and shuttles through space at 66 , 000 miles per hour . It is believed that the Mexican chief Montezuma considered chocolate to be a love drug . He used to drink chocolate whenever he felt like visiting his harem [ consisting of 600 women ] . He drank nearly 50 cups of chocolate a day before going to the harem . In 1893 Mildred J . Hill composed and published the tune for a song then known as " Good Morning to All , " It was a song ment for teachers to sing and greet their students . In 1924 her sister Patty Smith Hill who had written the lyrics included / added a stanza that became the now popular birthday song , " Happy Birthday to You . " So when ever you sing out the birthday song think of Mildred and Patty . It is the most popular song and sung across the globe . Posted by Father Brown is a fictional character created by the English novelist G . K . Chesterton [ 1874 - 1936 ] . Father Brown stared in 52 short stories . Later these were compiled into five books . Chesterton based this character on Father John O ' Connor [ 1870 - 1952 ] , a parish priest in Bradford who was involved in Chesterton 's conversion to Catholicism in 1922 . Father Brown was a short , stumpy Cathilic priest with shapeless clothes and a large umbrella . He had an uncanny insight into human evil . He made his first apperance in the story The Blue Cross and continued through the 5 volumes of short stories . He was assisted by the reformed criminal Flambeau . Unlike Serlock Homes , Father Brown followed a method that was intutive rather than deductive . On 26 th of Feb the Grand Teton National Park was opened to the public . In 1929 , President Coolidge signed the Act that created the Grand Teton National Park . Trivia buffs : The park encompasses approximately 310 , 000 acres of wilderness , approximately 100 miles of paved roads and nearly 200 miles of trails for hikers to enjoy . The first Mardi Gras celebration in New Orleans was held in 1827 . The traditional colors of Mardi Gras are purple ( symbolic of justice ) , green ( symbolic of faith ) and gold ( symbolic of power ) . Celebrate by having your own party ! Hence 27 th of Feb is the birthday of the Mardi Gras in New Orleans In 1784 , Jean - Joseph Clause , a French pastry chef , received a patent for his pate de foie gras aux truffes . He went on to begin his own business specializing in supplying pate to the gentry . Now aren 't you glad you know that 28 th Feb is the birthday of Pate de Foie Gras aux Truffes The first tunnel under the Nile River was completed on March 2 , 1998 . The tunnel was dug to make room for a subway to run under the Nile between the different sections of the city of Cairo , Egypt . Hence 2 nd of March is considered to be its anniversary day As soon my classes get over I always head home straight . On the way to my house I have to pass a shopping mall , play ground , and a kid 's park . As this was going to be my last day for this week I decided I shall go to the stationery store in the mall and pick up some paint materials for my art class . Hence I requested my dad to give some part of my pocket money so that I can purchase the materials . As I entered the mall I dashed to the stationery shop and was scrolling the racks . I was amazed to see that there were so many art materials and I did not have problem in picking my relevant things as I had already taken the advice of my teacher . I pulled a trolley and started to pick up all my requirements as per the list I had . While moving my trolley suddenly I noticed a box of crayons . It was an attractive box and a costly one too . I looked across the lanes of the racks to see if somebody had by mistake dropped it . As I felt nobody was there I immediately picked it up and put is into my pocket . When I turned the corner of the lane I noticed that a pair of eyes was watching my actions . Then I realized it was the eyes of a fat lady who was cleaning the floor of the shop . Immediately she informed of my action to the supervisor of the store . He immediately called and took me to a room and questioned about the action . He said normally nothing is left on the floor and how did I get the box . Immediately he called for the security staff and asked them to the box thoroughly . While they were checking and opening the box suddenly a spark came out of the box and the security persons went out and diffused the sparks . The supervisor first scolded me for picking up things which were not the usual kind . He explained the seriousness of the situation . Since the staff were able to control in the beginning itself the store did not have any impact if the box was left unnoticed it might have caught fire and the store would have reduced to ashes . As I had helped the store , the store supervisor as a token of appreciation gifted all the art materials I wanted . I just dashed back to my house and it took me sometime to come over this situation . I realized that I should not lift anything which is odd looking . Posted by The title might seem very amusing or out of the context . But it is very true . I would like to tell you about an experience I had last week , which did trouble the psychic of me and my sister . I do not want to name them and hence will be using only initials . I would like to give brief events in patties life . She was married to a lights man [ film circle ] who had all the wealth and money and had a very rich lifestyle . She had only one girl named P . She was married to a person and gave birth to two lovely daughters S and K . When K was 1 ½ years old she lost her father in an accident and does not know what a father would be . When she was 7 years old she lost her mother . So Patti was left to take care of these children . Now tragedy struck Patti and she lost her husband [ grand father ] due to sickness . Patti came to a stand still in life with not much of support from family members and no financial aid she started to live just for her grand daughters . Time flied grand daughter S became a special person and K graduated and became an IT professional . She joined an MNC and started to take care of Patti and sister and started to live a normal life . When time came this May she got married to a guy in Singapore and left Patti alone . She admitted her special sister in a home so that they would take care of her . Now I appear here For the past2 - 3 months Patti was suffering form fever and was diagnosed as malaria by Isabella hospital where she spent some 15 days . There she was looked alter by her family person . She was discharged and came some . After another 15 days Patti fell ill again and none of her relatives were in a position to help her this time around . Her grand daughters so called friends threw their hands up and said that she cannot take leave / break from office . Granddaughter send money through this friend . What sort of responsibility does this person have . Just the show off types but in reality very selfish to the core . I consulted my sister and I took her to BRS hospital and she was admitted in the ICU . Since she had nobody I stayed with her for 4 days in the hospital . My emotions are too filled even today if I want to recall this incident . I pray to God that this sort of situation should not happen even to my enemies . I found it hard to jell that at this age Patti was more or less an orphan who has been abandoned . What can anybody do ? Her grand daughter who is in India cannot come to her help as she is a special person . The only person who could help her was her granddaughter who is in Singapore . I just stepped in to pull out a Patti in her need and my sister prayed for her speedy recovery . I just ponder to think why God has created these sorts of people who are helpless . They require close monitoring and also help . At this age she does not want to go to an old age home as she feels she will have no breathing space and she will have to live in a concrete jungle . I wish there were some sort of help groups who would take care of these people . I have heard that in US and other countries there are home - half way homes who take care of people who are old but at the same time they still like to do their daily chores by themselves . These sort of people can truly be called as modern day orphans . Fragile Hands Hands are two beautiful gifts that God has given to every individual . Hence it is very important that one should consider how an individuals hand is sp fragile . One must limit oneself to consider how much he can hold . It is only human being who have the tendency to make space to hold many things more than what can he hold . The man who is part of a larger institution must race against time and works around the clock to meets his global customer 's requirements . Since today 's business is customer centric all the needs of the customers must be taken into consideration . If we were to hold a magnifying glass it will highlight more intricate fashion of individuals ' requirements . Here we are able to see how the world moves like a worm among a bush plant . A person does not have time to attend to the telephone call , nor has the time to eat his pizza or drink a cup of tea . CD 's have to be created and stored to hold the customer list as this itself is too long . One must not forget that all we are doing or taking so much effort so that that the business does not fall out with their customers . Being computer savvy is an added qualification that helps us to main our decorum in the work place and also reduces the stress levels . Finally we can see that there are so many invisible strings around the fingers that can snap at any given time and the hold we are having might slip past our life . Today man has to think twice about his job and what are the pros and cons of doing something . Has it at any given point of time stood by him or was he able to derive satisfaction from the work he is doing . If he does not get inspired then he is more or less like a vegetable doing some routine pattern . The recession has already taken its heavy toil and we are able to visualize how many people are starting from the scratch . Hence we should always remember to safe guard those fragile hands that serve us relentlessly till we live in this earth Posted by I am a lovely mama 's boy . It was my ususal custom to buy the groceries for my mom so that on Sunday I can have a day to all myself . Sunday a day for me which is always dear to me . No homework , no study only play play and play . It was Saturday morning and there was nothing unusual . My day to do the house hold chores . As I have a working mother I do help her in small activites so that the baksheesh [ lanjam ] I get from my mother Rs 25 / - is also very dear to me . Hence I geared myself to pay my visit to the nearby shopping mall to pick up some groceries for my mom . I went to the bus stop waited for my bus route M47 bus that would take to the new mall which has opened in our locality . As soon I boarded the bus I purchased a ticket to Sky Walk . Previously this stop was called as Arun Hotel . I heard it has a very good food court and also a play area for kids to play some indoor games and also a play station . Yes I could see the MacDonalds , Pizza Corner and many more . The hall in the mall was crowded with all sorts of aged people . Since they have a ramp many people do come here . The kids corner were filled with kids who were enjoying their mini rides . I could see many sweet teens were enjoying their drinks . Many ladies were buzzing in picking up the items required for their house . Elderly persons were seated in the lounge area - especially build for them so that they too can have a space for themselves . I could see that the cosmetics shop were filled with beautiful girls who were checking on the latest perfume that has arrived on the market . The jewelry sop was over crowed as many girls and ladies were trying out the new wave jewellary that had been realeased in the shop . The security guards in the mall were on their toes instructing people to follow some rules . announcements were made through the speaker system requesting visitors to safe guard their possessions and to be very careful with their purses / wallets as there were shoplifters . While I was whistling and walking around in the second floor , a sudden noise disturbed me . The sputter came from know where and all of us were disturbed . This created a bedlam among visitors who were searching for safer places . One of the guards just informed that a mad man has blown himself up . But the outfit it came to light that he was a terrorist who just blew himself in the shopping mall . As soon smoke started to below the automatic alarm siren started knolling . I could see many charred bodies . Many innocent people were hurt and many were killed . The firemen present on the scene were pressed into service . The policemen took stock of the situation . The whole area looked gruesome . Many humany limbs and flesh were scattered on the floor . Many who survived , I could see their dress were soaked with human blood . The entire area looked like a loathing and I had to clamber for a safe area . Ambulances rushed in without any delay and the bruised persons were sent to the infirmaries . Many volunteered to drive their car to the fortuity site and ensured that the injured people were picked up and dropped them in the nearby hospitals . The whole area was in ahmbless as I saw many small children crying and searching for its parents / mothers . I often read in newspaper about these incidents happening abroad . In the news channel these horrible secens would be flasing . Now I realised how these acts commove the human psyche . I could see how many people were physically diddered and running around to find safe area to take shelter . Without buying anything I just scurried home . I was lucky that I was able to navigate through the crowd and reach home . For the first time in my life I contemporaneous of a horrible thing . I started to think how these terrorists who were no way related to my country just walked in to creat an flagitious crime . People now had the modern gadgets with them and they could travel across the globe . They took this path of violence as an effortless implement that could fit into their hands to turn against the government or authority . I would ponder to think how these people without were spifflicating many cities . They are merely scathing innocent citizens . Now I realised how individual governments were grappling to bring back normalcy . Nitya 's Knits Quoin blog ( author - NKQ ) is the legal copyright holder of the material and pictures in this blog and it may not be used , reprinted , or published without the written consent of the author . If you would like to share , please link to my blog . Please do ask before using any content . They are for your personal use and are not to be created for submission to contests or publications . Do take written permission from me before recreating to your blog or website . If I use content or images from another source or blog contributor , I always make note of that and will appreciate that same courtesy . Thanks for respecting the work that has gone into my blog For any queries , or communication please email me at hripal57 @ gmail . com or kalmat57 @ bsnl . in .
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I love knitting so much that I have started a blog for knitting . Knitting is a job that I will like to go on . Through knitting I breathe life into many people 's life . It is knitting time . When I want to relax I do it with knitting . I am a knitting buff . I love to do knitting on various topics . There is no way that you can stop me doing knitting . I am born with a flare for knitting . My face brightens once I touch the knitting needs . The electronic media has helped knitting to travel across the world . Every stitch made will talk about how knitting has influenced people . I have done some and would like to share it with you . Some patterns have been taken from free knitting sites . Some designs have been created by me . Many a times I have modified the patterns to suite my requirements . Finally I can say that I breathe knitting , I talk knitting , I walk knitting - a total knitaholic In knitting , the loops of thread are formed by a pair of rods called needles . Patterns are created by using contrast threads . In weft knitting , the regular hand - knitting process that can also be done by machine , the work progresses back and forth ; in each course , or new row of stitches , one loop is added to each wale , or chain of loops hanging vertically from the needles . In warp knitting , which is done by machine , the work progresses along the wales . Knitted tubing can be made on spools or circular frames without needles . The yarn or thread is held on a row of pegs that project from and surround the center opening of the spool or frame . Such knitting is also possible when the yarn is held on four of the knitter 's fingers instead of on a spool , and it can be made on a large circular needle . It can be said that the pre - Columbian Peru by the nazca culture [ 100 BC - AD700 ] developed this art in the fringes of woven cloths . Knitting apparently was introduced into Europe by the Arabs during the 5th century . During the Middle Ages guilds controlled the manufacture of knitted goods such as woollen caps . The craft flourished in England and Scotland in the 14th and 15th centuries . By 1589 a machine to knit stockings had been perfected in Nottingham by the English clergyman William Lee , whose knitting frame was so excellent that few improvements were needed for over 250 years . Later English developments - a ribbing device ( 1758 ) , a warp - knitting machine ( 1775 ) , and a circular knitting machine ( 19th century ) - This led to the modern day industry of hosiery and other garments . The 19th century machine - knitted underclothes were common . Commercial knitting centers developed in English cities such as Nottingham and Leicester , and in the U . S . in Germantown , Pennsylvania , and in India Ludhiana and Tirupur are centeres for machine knitting industries . Today it has been developed as a handcraft . It is considered as a folk art which has rich traditional regional designs . It is so popular that many designs are being circulating in printed handbooks . In Scandinavia , regional patterns in yarns of contrasting color became characteristic . Other regional styles , such as those of Ireland and the Shetland Islands , were distinguished by different patterns . Another style that was developed is ribbon knitting , in which the use of flat ribbons rather than soft yarns results in a markedly distinctive fabric . In addition to these hand techniques , small knitting machines , which require a high degree of artisanship in their use , also became available to home knitters . Knitting is something that all of us are familiar . Hence one will feel inclined to know when and how the art of knitting by hand started . It is to be noted that yarn fibers are biodegradable . It is believed that knitting was practised even before the birth of Christ . Historians have found out that a pair of knitted socks that was discovered in Egyptian tombs dates from the 3rd to 6th centuries A . D . This can be considered ad the earliest archaeological evidence of knitted garments . The earliest knitting needle was made as brass rod that can be dated to early Iron Age . dates back to the early Iron Age . Spinning of wool started around 4000 B . C . near the Mediterranean Sea . The first wool factory that was established in England was build by the Romans in 50 A . D . The early form of knitting is considered to be a crossed knitting . They were also known as single - needle knitting and pseudo knitting . In crossed knitting , the stitches are rotated a half turn instead of aligning vertically . This knitting method was highly developed by the Nazca culture in Peru ( 100 B . C . - A . D . 700 ) in the fringes of their woven cloths . Frequent color changes in these fringes were used to create intricate human and animal figures . There are several theories with regard to the origins of knitting and it is very hard to trace them . There are several theories that talk about the art of knitting . It is believed that knitting might have started in Persia . While other thinkers think it might have originated from Israel , Jordan and Syria . Many feel that it might have started in the mountains of North Africa , or even Japan or China . It is assumed that knitting might have been the off shoot of knitting of fish - nets by men . It has been found that some Egyptian burials have socks and other items made which were done using the crossed - knitting technique . The dates found are to be as far back as the 4th or 5th century B . C . There have been knitted socks found in Egyptian tombs ( 3rd and 6th centuries A . D ) . Knitted pieces were found at the Dura - Europas site near the Euphrates River ( about A . D . 200 ) . Sandal socks were from Saudi Arabia ( about A . D . 350 ) . It is to be noted that the earliest socks were worked in nalebinding technique ; which was an ancient craft which often looks very similar to present day knitting . Many a times it might have confused many archaeologists with did not have any formal training in the history of needlework . A pair of patterned cotton socks from Egypt , dating from A . D . 1100 is considered as a example of " true " knitting or that may be nalebinding too . Socks and stockings were the first items to be knitted because knitting was ideally suited for shaping a garment to fit the foot at a time when fabric and sewing woven cloth were less flexible . The Complete Encyclopedia of Stitchery by Mildred Graves Ryan says that most historians agree that knitting was probably spread by ( probably male ) Arabian sailors and merchants who traveled throughout the Mediterranean . Many people believe that knitting was first invented by Arabian nomads who carried the craft into Egypt , during the 5th century A . D . Knitting was then carried through North Africa , and into Spain . From Spain , traveling Catholics picked it up and spread it quickly throughout Europe . It was only from the early 14th century that we have the first references to knitting in Europe . At that time , the purl stitch was unknown , which meant that in order to produce plain knitting , people had to knit in the round and then cut it open if they needed to . The first reference to purl stitch was not until the mid 16th century , but the knowledge of how to do it may have preceded that a little . Although nobody knows exactly when knitting started . Knitting as we know it today is considered as a recent craft . It has be accepted as a crafts similar to true knitting , such as cross - knitting and nalebinding . It is noted that this was practiced in a lot of different countries and cultures too , from Japan to Egypt to Peru . Knitting clearly filled a need in people 's making of garments which is still continuing and growing . 13 th of July is the birthday of Erno Rubik ( 1944 ) . The Hungarian inventor is best known for his invention of the Rubik 's Cube in the spring of 1974 . One eighth of the world 's population has laid hands on the Cube , the most popular puzzle in history . There is only 1 correct answer and 43 quintillion wrong ones for Rubik 's Cube . Posted by Every year 12 th of July is considered as USA Woman VP Day . In 1984 , Democratic presidential candidate Walter Mondale chose Geraldine Ferraro as his running mate . She was verified at the party convention a week later on July 19th . Ferraro became the first woman to run for vice president from a major party . In 1816 , 18 congressmen met in San Miguel de Tucuman and signed a formal declaration of independence against the king of Spain . So every year they celebrate their Independence Day on 9 th of July . So for the children of Argentine , this day marks the beginning of two weeks vacation from school . Phaethon was born to Clymene and god Phoebus - Apollo - who was not a mortal man . Phoebus used to daily ride across the world in his Sun 's dazzling chariot . The lad 's friends used to mock at him when he talked about his high birth . One day under his mother 's instruction he sought from the heavenly sire a boon through which he would be known as of divine race . Before dawn he came to the golden palace of Phoebus , where the purple - mantled god sat on his ivory throne , amid a rainbow sheen of jewels . The hours , the Days , the Months and all his ministers and henchmen stood around him . The seasons were all there . Spring was covered with fresh blossoms . Summer was naked and had clothes of leaves and had crowns with ears of corn . Autumn was colored by the bunches of fruit he held in his sun burnt arms . Winter was shivering who had snow - white locks . Seeing this magnificent scene Phaethon 's eyes were filled with ecstasy . He did not dare to move towards the throne , but waited till his father would call him by his name . Phoebus laid aside his crown of sun rays which mortal being could not take a gaze . He welcomed his son to the halls of the heaven and enquired what brought him from earth . As soon he heard his father 's words , the beardless boy went near with a hesitation and saw the god 's smiling face . He complained that many of his friends would not believe him to be Apollo 's son . Hence he requested that the god give him a promise or a boon that would enable the whole world to know about his birth . God replied that even before the world comes to know he accepts him as his son . Since he asked for a proof of favour he will grant him . He says that he swears by the Styx [ river ] a oath that binds even the gods . To this request Phoebus , head started to glow with anger . He charges that as a youth who is mortal cannot do a feat as gods have not been able to do safely . He said that Jupiter himself does not take the reins of the Sun 's coursers . He also said that among all the sons of Olympus , he alone could stand firm in the burning car . he had the courage to correctly ride the fiery spiritual horses on their sloppy and gruelling path . Hence he said that he earnestly request him to take back this dangerous boon . he further tells him to ask any thing else that is in heaven and earth . he once again swears in the name of Styx . To this the youth was steadfast on his request and would not budge under any circumstances . Phoebus realised that none of his fatherly counsellings would deter this youth . So the lord of the Sun finally gave up . as he was bound by his oath he consented , but feared what would the final outcome if he handed over the steeds to a weak hand . Now the time came for the daily journey . Aurora began to draw back the rosy curtains of the East . Phoebus led his son to Vulcan 's masterpiece - the golden chariot that was studded with sparkling gems . It was so rich and beautiful . The vanishing stars and the fading on the Moon 's horns were signal to lead out the four coursers of the Sun . The swift horses were pawing and neighing showed as they were fed with ambrosia and refreshed by the night 's rest and they were ready to accomplish their accustomed task . While the swift - fingered Hours fitted on their clanking and harnessed them to the chariot - pole . Phoebus with great fondness anointed the youth with a sacred balm so that he would be able to bear the heat of his glowing course . The impatient son would not hear to the Gods warnings . Phoebus started to give instructions to his son . he said that he should stick to the straight path which was marked with signs of beasts . He should watch or guard while going by the horns of the Bull and the mouth of the roaring Lion . Avoid the far - stretched claws of the Scorpion or the Crab . Stay away from North Pole and South Pole . Must hold the upper arch of the sky from east to West . The safest would be the middle way . Not to sink too far down as the earth might catch fire or rise too high that might scorch the face of heaven . To spare the goad , must draw the reins tight as the horses would fly by themselves and their job was to hold them . He now requested his son to mount the chariot and to think twice in time . This ride would not earn him honour but would get punishment and destruction . He told his son to leave the chariot to him and he should be content to sit and watch its course like any other normal being . Phaethon urged that mettlesome team through the morning mists , with east wind following to sweep him on hid proud career . But soon the swiftness took away his breath . His head began to spin as the car under his light weight shook and swayed like a keel without a blast . The fiery coursers realised that their reins were in an unpractised hand . As he was not able to control the horses started to aside and they left their wonted way . Everyone in the earth were shocked to see the chariot of the Sun speeding crookedly overhead as a flash of lightening . Even before he could travel some distance Phaethon started to repent for his ambition . Now he wanted to wish for a boon that would save his life from this perilous honour . It was too late and now he realised how wise was his father when he had warned him . His head started to whirl , his face grew white and his knees shook as he looked to the earth and the sea beneath and the sky above . AS he did not know the names of the horses he was not able to control them . They no longer was mindful of his hand and took their own course in the sky . They pranced at their will . As they soared upwards in the sky , the clouds started to smoke . The Moon looked in dismay to see her brothers chariot being strangely guided . As the horses came near to the sea to cool themselves , they passed very close to a mountain and immediately the mountain went up in flames . Disaster fell upon earth . Today the Sun was not in the correct course . It seemed it was rushing down like a meteor , while burning the face of nature and works of man . The grass withered ; the crops were burnt . The woods went up in fire and smoke . Then bare earth beneath cracked and crumbled and the blackened rocks started to burst under the heat . The rivers dried up and fled back to their hidden fountains . The lakes began to boil . The sea sank in its bed . The fishes lay gasping for breath on the shore . Poseidon thrice raised his head and thrice plunged back into his waves unable to bear the deadly glow . Scythia was not shielded by its frosts . Caucasus was not shielded by its snows . Mighty Atlas let the red - hot world fall from his shoulders . It is said that on this day negroes were burnt to black . One stretch of land became a sandy desert where men nor animals could live . . The whole world was destroyed by the Sun 's charioteer . Calamity fell on man . The cry was so powerful that all powerful Zeus who was sleeping during the noonday hour , quickly woke up and raised to see what had befallen . He snatched a thunderbolt which was ready in his hand and hurled at the smoky air and struck the senseless Phaethon . As he was not able to control himself , he fell down with his dashing locks . It was like a falling star that would land on the river Eridanus . The horses of the Sun shook off their yokes and broke loose in their stalls in the sky . This indicated that night had set in . The earth was still flickering like fire because of the folly of Phaethon . So on that fateful day the son of Phoebus - Apollo came to an end because he did not listen to his fathers warnings . But there were some who came to mourn for his loss . The nymphs of the Eridanus gave him a burial on its banks . His mother who was struck with grief came to pour her hearts blood in sorrow . His three sisters wept bitterly and they pietyed . Gods changed them into trees that started to drop tears of amber upon the water . His friend Cygnus dived into the river to gather Phaethon 's charred body parts , he pined in grief and finally he was granted to haunt the stream in the shape of a swan . Posted by Acacallis is the daughter of Minos and Pasiphae . She became pregnant by Apollo and was banished by her father to Libya . Here she bore Amphithemis , who later came to be known as Garamas . The Cretans claimed that she was also the mother by Hermes of Cydon . Eponym of the Cretan city of Cydonia . The Arcadians say that Cydon was the son of Tegeates and migrated to crete . some say that Acacallis also has a son Miletus by apollo . It is a city on the Asian side of the Hellespont . Abydus - like many other cities was on either side of the Hellespont . It was allied with Troy in the trojan War . . It is better remembered as the home of Leander , in the Hellenistic romance of Hero and Leander . Posted by He was the son of Hermes from Opus in Locris . He is generally said to have been a young lover of Heracles . Heracles left him to guard the notorious man - eating mares of the Bistonian king Diomedes and returned to find that the youth had been eaten . heracles hence built the city of Abdera in Abderus 's memory . Abas1 was the king of argos . Abas is the son of Lynceus and Hypermnestra . He was a great warrior and succeeded his father on the throne . He marries Aglaea . She was the daughter of mantineus , who bore him twin sons - Acrisius and Proetus and a daughter named Idomene . Abas also had an illegal son Lyrcus . Abantes is an European tribe . The Abantes were named by Abas . Under Abas 's son Chalcodon 's - they engaged in an unsucessful struggle for power with Thebes . Chalcodon 's son Elephenor - gave sanctuary To the two sons of Theseus , king of Athens at Euboea . He led the Euboean forces to the Trojan War . Large numbers of Abantes were among the Greek migrants who colonized various cities of Ionia - In Asia Minor . Posted by Once upon a time a little Red Hen lived by herself . Near her house an old Fox who was crafty and sly made a den for itself in the rocks . It was a dream that fox wanted to taste the Red Hen . His aim was to boil the Red Hen in his big kettle and eat her for dinner . He made many attempts but was not succesful as the Red Hen was was too wise . When ever she went out she locked her house behind her and when ever she came home she locked the door . She put the key into her apron . There she had a sugar cooky and a pair of scissors . One day the fox decided that the day was right to catch the Hen and he would bring her home . He told his mother to keep the kettle boiling and when he would come in the evening he would be bringing the Red Hen and they could eat her for supper . Then he took a big bag and slung it over his shoulder , and walked till he came to the little Red Hen 's house . The little Red Hen was just coming out of her door to pick up a few sticks for kindling wood . So the old Fox hid behind the wood - pile , and as soon as she bent down to get a stick , into the house he slipped , and scurried behind the door . It shook the Red Hen and she dashed inside to her house , closed the door and locked it . She thought that she was safe and had a narrow escape . But it was not to happen . When she turned around after taking a deep breath , she saw the fox with a bag on his shoulder . So scared was the Red Hen that she dropped her apron sticks and flew to the ceiling top . There on a beam she pearched herself . She gathered her courage and told to the fox down below , you will not be able to catch me today hence go home . The fox being wily decided on a plan . He started to twirl around in circles . After some time the Red Hen felt dizzy watching the fox . She was not able to hold herself and she fell down from her pearch . As sson as the Hen dropped down the fox immediately put her in his big bag and carried her over his shoulder . Now the fox was racing to his house , where the boiling kettle was waiting for him . It was an uphill task for the fox as he had a long way to go up the hill . After some time when the dizziness began to go the Red Hen understood how she was tricked . immediately she removed the scissors from her apron pocket and snipped it and cut a hole in the bag . As soon as she reached a vantage point she cut the hole bigger and jumped out off the bag . There she saw a big stone lying and the Red Hen picked the stone and put it in the bag without the knowledge of the fox who was dreaming . In a giffy the Red Hen started to run as fast as possible till she came to her farm . She went inside and locked the door from inside with the big key . The old Fox went on carrying the stone and never knew the difference . He felt tired when he got home . He did not mind the travel as he felt he was going to have a great meal . AS soon he reached home he asked his mother if the kettle was boiling . To this his mother said , yes the kettle is boiling . She was surprised to know that her son was finally able to catch the Red Hen . The fox replied that indeed he has caught the Red Hen . He told his mother that we he opens the bag , she should hold the cover of the kettle . He said that when he shakes the bag the Hen will fall into the kettle and she should cover the kettle so that the Hen does not run away . To this idea his mother agreed and she stood near the boiling kettle with the cover in her hand so that she could accomplish the act . The Fox took the big heavy bag near to the kettle and opened the bag on to the kettle . He gave a ggod shake thinking the Hen would fall in to the kettle . But this was not to happen . As soon he shook the bag splash went the big stone into the kettle . As the stone went in the the boiling water came out and it splashed on the fox and his mother . As the hot water fell on them they were urnt to death . And so the little Red Hen lived happily ever after , in her own little farmhouse . It so happened that one day the Sun and the Wind started to quarrel among themselves to show their supremacy . They wanted to find out who was the stronger among them . Each believed himself to be the more powerful . As they were arguing suddenly they noticed a traveler walking along the country highway . he was wearing a cloak . They decided that this was their opportune time to test their strength on this traveler . Hence Moon decided that their strength would be tested to know who was the stronger among them . Moon said that if the traveler removed this cloak then one of them would be the strongest person . Whoever did this feat then he should be accepted as the strongest person and the other must respect the other . To this the Sun agreed . At once the Wind began to blow . He puffed and tugged at the man 's cloak , and raised a storm of hail and rain , to beat at it . But the colder it grew and the more it stormed , the tighter the traveler held his cloak around him . The Wind could not get it off . Now it was the turn of the Sun . He shone with all his beams on the man 's shoulders . As it grew hotter and hotter , the man unfastened his cloak . Then he threw it back and finally at last he took it off . Hence Sun was declared as the winner . Posted by In that town , there lives a young candy seller . When the young man heard the story , he remembered something his mother had said . She had once told him about a special herb that was good for the eyes . The poor man : Oh ! I 'm so cold and tired . Where shall I sleep ? Oh , there 's an old temple over there . I 'm sure I can sleep there . Centipede : You helped me . Now I 'll help you . We 're all one . Go south . Look for a bead under a pine tree with two trunks . Put the bead in a drink and tell the rich man to drink it down . The poor man : Thank you , my friend . He left the temple . He walked until late in the afternoon , but all he saw were normal pine trees . When he found the strange tree , he tried to find the bead . But he couldn 't find it . The poor man : I 'll never find the bead here . It 's too small . I need help . Ants , ants , we 're all one ! Ant friends , please help me . Help me find the small bead . Oh , thank you , my ant friends . Now I can go home . Having found the bead , the poor man went back to his town . The poor man : Here ! Put the bead in a drink . It 'll cure your eyes . It is to be noted that even the heroes of ancient Greece used harsh soaps and bleaches to lighten and redden their hair . This was done primarily to be identified as these colors were associated with honour and courage . Even during the first - century Romans preferred dark hair . This was made so by a dye concocted from boiled walnuts and leeks . Things have not changed much over centuries . More and more youngsters are experimenting with styles . Perming , dyeing and straightening hair seems to be a new fashion statement . This is popular among the teens and younger people . Warning - it is to be noted that one must thoroughly understand the risks factors that are involved when you dye your hair . Hi every body have you ever heard that there is a pistol that fits in your pocket and packs a hell of a punch . This is the SwissMiniGun . The size of the gun is that of a key fob . It has the capability to fire tiny 270mph bullets which are powerful enough to kill at close range . It is officially the world 's smallest working revolver . At present the gun is being marketed as a collector 's item . It measures 2 . 16 inches long . It can fire real 4 . 53 bullets up to a range of 367ft . The stainless steel gun costs £ 3 , 000 . The manufacturers have the facility to produce made - to - order versions that will suite to their customer base . They have produced this gun entirely made out of 18 - carat gold with customised diamond studs which sell for up to £ 30 , 000 . It is very important to note that Ruth Handler on 9 th March 1959 created Barbie . Hence every 9 th March is celebrated as Barbie 's birthday . Ruthnamed the doll after her daughter Barbara . Barbie fans please note that barbie is from Willows , Wis . . Barbie attended Willows High School . She has more than 108 careers . The saddest part is that Barbie and Ken broke up on Valntine 's Day in 2004 . Their associattion spanned across 43 years together . It is said that they are still friends even today . Burj Khalifa ( known as Burj Dubai prior to its inauguration ) is a skyscraper in Dubai , United Arab Emirates , and the tallest man - made structure ever built , at 828 m . The tower 's architecture and engineering were performed by Skidmore , Owings , and Merrill of Chicago , with Adrian Smith as chief architect , and Bill Baker as chief structural engineer . The total cost for the project was about US $ 1 . 5 billion . Posted by A person is identified by his body gestures . Body gestures talk a lot about a person . Peter Collett a body language expert in his book ' Book Of Tells ' has given a detailed of all these gestures and what they mean or how people associate certain traits when they do some work . Scratching nose : People tend to scratch the nose when they want to hide something . These are people who are not telling the truth and are covering up to tell a lie . So to avoid being detected they scratch the nose so that no one is in a position to see the mouth , hence you can go on fibbing to the core . Foot point : Facing of your foot indicates what you 're thinking . When you follow the line of someone 's foot and it will show you what they 're most interested in - if it 's the door , they want to leave . Open hands : Showing the palms of your hands is a friendly gesture showing that you have peaceful intentions . It indicates acceptance , good intentions and that you 're open to new ideas . Hiding them , on the other hand , shows that you don 't want to give anything away . Furrowed brows : Lowering the brows is a predomentaly a gesture associated with men , which tells people , that he is the boss and he is looking at you . It also conveys that he is in charge of the situation . Shifting weight : When you want to escape from a conversation , you shift your weight from side to side or back to front . Men also sometimes do this when chatting to a pretty girl to make themselves appear energetic . Lip nibbling : Lip nibbling , means biting the lower lip or a corner of the mouth with the upper teeth . . This is done to prevent someone from speaking . Hence it is used by people who want to stop themselves from saying something . Tilting head : More often practised by a woman when they want to flirt and appear more attractive . It appeals to a man because it lowers her height , and exposes the neck . As the neck is one of the most vulnerable parts of your body , showing it to someone is a way of saying , ok I know that . Looking up : It means that you want to escape from a situation or you do not know about the topic that is being discussed . Hence when you look up , you 're seeking help from above . People with a sense of self - importance also do it . According to the Daily Mail it suggests that they are in contact with the Almighty . Blinking : It 's a sign someone 's worried , excited or even lying as they 're under stress and thinking very rapidly . The Marina Bay in Singapore has a floating platform . It is the world 's largest floating stage . This floating stage is constructed on the waters of the Marina Reservoir , located in Marina Bay in Singapore . The structure is made up of steel . The floating platform measures 120 meares long and 83 metres wide . This is approx . 5 % bigger than the soccer field located in National Stadium . The platform can hold weights upto 1 , 070 tonnes , when translated it will amount to the total weight of 9 , 000 people , 200 tonnes of stage props and three 30 - tonne military vehicles . It has a gallery that can accomodate 30 , 000 people . Posted by Erma Bombeck ( 1927 ) was an American humorist who achieved great popularity for her newspaper column She used to describe the suburban home life humorously from the mid - 1960 's until the late 1990s . She also published 15 books most of which became best - sellers . And even today her writings are ever popular in US . In 2002 , Edmar Freitas , a Brazilian weight - training instructor , completed 111 , 000 sit - ups in 24 hours to break the former record of 103 , 000 set by American champion Bill Evans . In 2003 , he reportedly broke his own record by 6 hours and nearly 23 , 000 sit - ups , for a total of 133 , 986 in 30 hours . So March 6 th is remembered as world sit up record day Today was a normal day ; there was nothing new to happen . As usual I was flipping through the news paper The New Indian Express . I always use to scan the advertisement page . Lo I found a new advertisement on a product on skin care . When looking close by I saw that a new outlet has been opened in a shopping mall that was in the next street of my house . As soon as I saw this advertisement I was reminded of my friend Julie . Julie was my neighbour when I was living in the railway quarters . Julie was always in the habit of dressing herself . Her mother used to say that she is wearing a war paint . Her obsession to make up was much that she would just buy anything that was new in the market . She had a huge collection of makeups in her kit and she would never share it with others . Imagine how much she would be having . Suddenly I felt that why not I try this product . Without telling mom I went to the shopping mall and picked up the literature . I knew very well that my mom would be angry if she comes to know of my outing . Our family is against these sorts of items . They believe in our traditional herbs consisting of besan , haldi , and milk . This has been a proved product that is very good to skin and does not have any side effects . The name of the product is X - your skin care expert . It says that it would redefine the DNA of perfect skin . I shall sum up what the ingredient is . It is made up of anti - oxidants and nutriences . It says it has an aromatherapy which will refresh as it has geranium and essential oils that would relax the skin and will bring the lost glow to your skin . It will also act as a defense against environmental aggression . They confirm that it will improve skin firmness and elasticity . It will enhance skin luminosity . It will aid to reduce the visible fine lines and also will soften the deeply hydrated skin . I think this is some sort of a salon that has branches across the globe . Hence to attract customers they might have done in - house research and developed this product . Now I have to ponder over the various options in front of me Do you think that I should try this product ? You know that the earlier creams I use made my skin bright for only a few hours and after some time it started looking dull . It did have side effects as it brought some dark patches near my eyes . It also gave a statutory warning that " Results may vary " I am in a fix what I should do ? I have to do a facial so that I can look presentable for the forthcoming interview . Should I contact their local toll free number and personally go and check for myself . I would like to get an opinion from the customer who has used this cream . Have to wait till I am able to get hold of a previous customer . Until such time wait for some time and then take the next course of action . Till such time I shall use the old cream as I am sure that it is not allergic to my skin and I feel very comfortable . Earth is seen as a living organism that can breathe . It can regulate temperature , burns energy and has the capacity to renew its skin . Earth is viwed as a metal ball coated with rocks , and shuttles through space at 66 , 000 miles per hour . It is believed that the Mexican chief Montezuma considered chocolate to be a love drug . He used to drink chocolate whenever he felt like visiting his harem [ consisting of 600 women ] . He drank nearly 50 cups of chocolate a day before going to the harem . In 1893 Mildred J . Hill composed and published the tune for a song then known as " Good Morning to All , " It was a song ment for teachers to sing and greet their students . In 1924 her sister Patty Smith Hill who had written the lyrics included / added a stanza that became the now popular birthday song , " Happy Birthday to You . " So when ever you sing out the birthday song think of Mildred and Patty . It is the most popular song and sung across the globe . Posted by Father Brown is a fictional character created by the English novelist G . K . Chesterton [ 1874 - 1936 ] . Father Brown stared in 52 short stories . Later these were compiled into five books . Chesterton based this character on Father John O ' Connor [ 1870 - 1952 ] , a parish priest in Bradford who was involved in Chesterton 's conversion to Catholicism in 1922 . Father Brown was a short , stumpy Cathilic priest with shapeless clothes and a large umbrella . He had an uncanny insight into human evil . He made his first apperance in the story The Blue Cross and continued through the 5 volumes of short stories . He was assisted by the reformed criminal Flambeau . Unlike Serlock Homes , Father Brown followed a method that was intutive rather than deductive . On 26 th of Feb the Grand Teton National Park was opened to the public . In 1929 , President Coolidge signed the Act that created the Grand Teton National Park . Trivia buffs : The park encompasses approximately 310 , 000 acres of wilderness , approximately 100 miles of paved roads and nearly 200 miles of trails for hikers to enjoy . The first Mardi Gras celebration in New Orleans was held in 1827 . The traditional colors of Mardi Gras are purple ( symbolic of justice ) , green ( symbolic of faith ) and gold ( symbolic of power ) . Celebrate by having your own party ! Hence 27 th of Feb is the birthday of the Mardi Gras in New Orleans In 1784 , Jean - Joseph Clause , a French pastry chef , received a patent for his pate de foie gras aux truffes . He went on to begin his own business specializing in supplying pate to the gentry . Now aren 't you glad you know that 28 th Feb is the birthday of Pate de Foie Gras aux Truffes The first tunnel under the Nile River was completed on March 2 , 1998 . The tunnel was dug to make room for a subway to run under the Nile between the different sections of the city of Cairo , Egypt . Hence 2 nd of March is considered to be its anniversary day As soon my classes get over I always head home straight . On the way to my house I have to pass a shopping mall , play ground , and a kid 's park . As this was going to be my last day for this week I decided I shall go to the stationery store in the mall and pick up some paint materials for my art class . Hence I requested my dad to give some part of my pocket money so that I can purchase the materials . As I entered the mall I dashed to the stationery shop and was scrolling the racks . I was amazed to see that there were so many art materials and I did not have problem in picking my relevant things as I had already taken the advice of my teacher . I pulled a trolley and started to pick up all my requirements as per the list I had . While moving my trolley suddenly I noticed a box of crayons . It was an attractive box and a costly one too . I looked across the lanes of the racks to see if somebody had by mistake dropped it . As I felt nobody was there I immediately picked it up and put is into my pocket . When I turned the corner of the lane I noticed that a pair of eyes was watching my actions . Then I realized it was the eyes of a fat lady who was cleaning the floor of the shop . Immediately she informed of my action to the supervisor of the store . He immediately called and took me to a room and questioned about the action . He said normally nothing is left on the floor and how did I get the box . Immediately he called for the security staff and asked them to the box thoroughly . While they were checking and opening the box suddenly a spark came out of the box and the security persons went out and diffused the sparks . The supervisor first scolded me for picking up things which were not the usual kind . He explained the seriousness of the situation . Since the staff were able to control in the beginning itself the store did not have any impact if the box was left unnoticed it might have caught fire and the store would have reduced to ashes . As I had helped the store , the store supervisor as a token of appreciation gifted all the art materials I wanted . I just dashed back to my house and it took me sometime to come over this situation . I realized that I should not lift anything which is odd looking . Posted by The title might seem very amusing or out of the context . But it is very true . I would like to tell you about an experience I had last week , which did trouble the psychic of me and my sister . I do not want to name them and hence will be using only initials . I would like to give brief events in patties life . She was married to a lights man [ film circle ] who had all the wealth and money and had a very rich lifestyle . She had only one girl named P . She was married to a person and gave birth to two lovely daughters S and K . When K was 1 ½ years old she lost her father in an accident and does not know what a father would be . When she was 7 years old she lost her mother . So Patti was left to take care of these children . Now tragedy struck Patti and she lost her husband [ grand father ] due to sickness . Patti came to a stand still in life with not much of support from family members and no financial aid she started to live just for her grand daughters . Time flied grand daughter S became a special person and K graduated and became an IT professional . She joined an MNC and started to take care of Patti and sister and started to live a normal life . When time came this May she got married to a guy in Singapore and left Patti alone . She admitted her special sister in a home so that they would take care of her . Now I appear here For the past2 - 3 months Patti was suffering form fever and was diagnosed as malaria by Isabella hospital where she spent some 15 days . There she was looked alter by her family person . She was discharged and came some . After another 15 days Patti fell ill again and none of her relatives were in a position to help her this time around . Her grand daughters so called friends threw their hands up and said that she cannot take leave / break from office . Granddaughter send money through this friend . What sort of responsibility does this person have . Just the show off types but in reality very selfish to the core . I consulted my sister and I took her to BRS hospital and she was admitted in the ICU . Since she had nobody I stayed with her for 4 days in the hospital . My emotions are too filled even today if I want to recall this incident . I pray to God that this sort of situation should not happen even to my enemies . I found it hard to jell that at this age Patti was more or less an orphan who has been abandoned . What can anybody do ? Her grand daughter who is in India cannot come to her help as she is a special person . The only person who could help her was her granddaughter who is in Singapore . I just stepped in to pull out a Patti in her need and my sister prayed for her speedy recovery . I just ponder to think why God has created these sorts of people who are helpless . They require close monitoring and also help . At this age she does not want to go to an old age home as she feels she will have no breathing space and she will have to live in a concrete jungle . I wish there were some sort of help groups who would take care of these people . I have heard that in US and other countries there are home - half way homes who take care of people who are old but at the same time they still like to do their daily chores by themselves . These sort of people can truly be called as modern day orphans . Fragile Hands Hands are two beautiful gifts that God has given to every individual . Hence it is very important that one should consider how an individuals hand is sp fragile . One must limit oneself to consider how much he can hold . It is only human being who have the tendency to make space to hold many things more than what can he hold . The man who is part of a larger institution must race against time and works around the clock to meets his global customer 's requirements . Since today 's business is customer centric all the needs of the customers must be taken into consideration . If we were to hold a magnifying glass it will highlight more intricate fashion of individuals ' requirements . Here we are able to see how the world moves like a worm among a bush plant . A person does not have time to attend to the telephone call , nor has the time to eat his pizza or drink a cup of tea . CD 's have to be created and stored to hold the customer list as this itself is too long . One must not forget that all we are doing or taking so much effort so that that the business does not fall out with their customers . Being computer savvy is an added qualification that helps us to main our decorum in the work place and also reduces the stress levels . Finally we can see that there are so many invisible strings around the fingers that can snap at any given time and the hold we are having might slip past our life . Today man has to think twice about his job and what are the pros and cons of doing something . Has it at any given point of time stood by him or was he able to derive satisfaction from the work he is doing . If he does not get inspired then he is more or less like a vegetable doing some routine pattern . The recession has already taken its heavy toil and we are able to visualize how many people are starting from the scratch . Hence we should always remember to safe guard those fragile hands that serve us relentlessly till we live in this earth Posted by I am a lovely mama 's boy . It was my ususal custom to buy the groceries for my mom so that on Sunday I can have a day to all myself . Sunday a day for me which is always dear to me . No homework , no study only play play and play . It was Saturday morning and there was nothing unusual . My day to do the house hold chores . As I have a working mother I do help her in small activites so that the baksheesh [ lanjam ] I get from my mother Rs 25 / - is also very dear to me . Hence I geared myself to pay my visit to the nearby shopping mall to pick up some groceries for my mom . I went to the bus stop waited for my bus route M47 bus that would take to the new mall which has opened in our locality . As soon I boarded the bus I purchased a ticket to Sky Walk . Previously this stop was called as Arun Hotel . I heard it has a very good food court and also a play area for kids to play some indoor games and also a play station . Yes I could see the MacDonalds , Pizza Corner and many more . The hall in the mall was crowded with all sorts of aged people . Since they have a ramp many people do come here . The kids corner were filled with kids who were enjoying their mini rides . I could see many sweet teens were enjoying their drinks . Many ladies were buzzing in picking up the items required for their house . Elderly persons were seated in the lounge area - especially build for them so that they too can have a space for themselves . I could see that the cosmetics shop were filled with beautiful girls who were checking on the latest perfume that has arrived on the market . The jewelry sop was over crowed as many girls and ladies were trying out the new wave jewellary that had been realeased in the shop . The security guards in the mall were on their toes instructing people to follow some rules . announcements were made through the speaker system requesting visitors to safe guard their possessions and to be very careful with their purses / wallets as there were shoplifters . While I was whistling and walking around in the second floor , a sudden noise disturbed me . The sputter came from know where and all of us were disturbed . This created a bedlam among visitors who were searching for safer places . One of the guards just informed that a mad man has blown himself up . But the outfit it came to light that he was a terrorist who just blew himself in the shopping mall . As soon smoke started to below the automatic alarm siren started knolling . I could see many charred bodies . Many innocent people were hurt and many were killed . The firemen present on the scene were pressed into service . The policemen took stock of the situation . The whole area looked gruesome . Many humany limbs and flesh were scattered on the floor . Many who survived , I could see their dress were soaked with human blood . The entire area looked like a loathing and I had to clamber for a safe area . Ambulances rushed in without any delay and the bruised persons were sent to the infirmaries . Many volunteered to drive their car to the fortuity site and ensured that the injured people were picked up and dropped them in the nearby hospitals . The whole area was in ahmbless as I saw many small children crying and searching for its parents / mothers . I often read in newspaper about these incidents happening abroad . In the news channel these horrible secens would be flasing . Now I realised how these acts commove the human psyche . I could see how many people were physically diddered and running around to find safe area to take shelter . Without buying anything I just scurried home . I was lucky that I was able to navigate through the crowd and reach home . For the first time in my life I contemporaneous of a horrible thing . I started to think how these terrorists who were no way related to my country just walked in to creat an flagitious crime . People now had the modern gadgets with them and they could travel across the globe . They took this path of violence as an effortless implement that could fit into their hands to turn against the government or authority . I would ponder to think how these people without were spifflicating many cities . They are merely scathing innocent citizens . Now I realised how individual governments were grappling to bring back normalcy . Nitya 's Knits Quoin blog ( author - NKQ ) is the legal copyright holder of the material and pictures in this blog and it may not be used , reprinted , or published without the written consent of the author . If you would like to share , please link to my blog . Please do ask before using any content . They are for your personal use and are not to be created for submission to contests or publications . Do take written permission from me before recreating to your blog or website . If I use content or images from another source or blog contributor , I always make note of that and will appreciate that same courtesy . Thanks for respecting the work that has gone into my blog For any queries , or communication please email me at hripal57 @ gmail . com or kalmat57 @ bsnl . in .
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Posted in Anything and Everything , Vehicle Maintenance | Leave a comment So yesterday was big day for the Prius , crossing 200 , 000 miles while Cindy was driving it . I have owned a lot of vehicles with more than 100 , 000 miles on them but I think the Prius is the first to ever make it to the double century mark . I have to say despite the big number on the odometer the car is still performing quite well . Yes there are a few things that I need to do it , first of which will be replacing the front and rear struts . Since we bought the car at around 132 , 000 miles we have had to do very little to it repair wise . We went through a set of tires , I replaced the trunk switch , the rear hatch struts and I think that is pretty much it . I am sure there will be some maintenance and repairs to come but the heart of the car still feels rock solid . The Prius has been a part of a couple epic western road trips and has been a reliable daily commuter from day one . If someone is looking for almost the perfect used car for daily driving , a 2004 - 2009 Prius is hard to beat . I am hoping it will continue to serve us well for several years to come . The other night ( actually two separate nights ) I went outside after the sun set to try to get some video of the new Tacoma lights . The first time I tried using the GoPro and got nothing but distorted starburst footage . The second time I used my Canon camera and got some better but not great results . Posted in Anything and Everything , EUC , TV / Movies , Vehicle Maintenance | Leave a comment So as my Memorial Day weekend is winding down I thought I would enjoy the AC while I recapped what was a fun yet productive 72 hours . Saturday morning we started off with another 5K run around the track . If Cindy 's GPS was accurate it was right around the fastest pace I have carried in 2017 which I wasn 't really expecting . So I first dug into regular Saturday chores like weeding and chicken duties however we had a much more time consuming task lined up , repainting various areas of the coop . Cindy was tasked with repainting the wooden sections of the chicken run and deck . I was up on the ladder , repainting the roof white for the third time . The first two times I painted it I used spray paint . To hopefully get some increased longevity , I painted it this time out of a can with a brush . I also used primer first before applying the high gloss white paint , a requirement for reflecting the brutal summer heat off the roof of the coop . So while I was waiting for the primer to dry I did my other project , making the chicken water stand more protective . A couple months ago I made a simple stand for their water that at least got it off the ground so it stayed cleaner . However there was another problem , for a good portion of the day the water was in direct sunlight . The sun not only made the water hot , it also promotes algae growth which is a pain in the ass . So I created yet another mental blueprint in my head to add a roof to the stand to keep the water out of the sun for most of the day . I used a technique similar to what I built over the house water equipment , building a slightly down pitched frame topped with durable white PVC roofing material . Despite my seat of the pants engineering the stand turned out well and should accomplish what I intended it to do . So by the time I was done with the stand the primer on the roof was dry . By the time I got the paint layer applied I was beat . Standing on the ladder all that time and suspending myself awkwardly for prolonged periods reaching the remote corners and edges of the roof just wore me out . I was quite happy when I applied my last stroke of paint . I am hoping the extra step of priming the surface will get me at least an extra 6 months of duration before I have to do it again . Cindy and I were both beat by the end of the day . We decided to just chill at home . Cindy had some serious sunburn on her body and my face got blasted despite wearing a big hat all day from the sun bouncing off the coop roof . Sunday morning we headed out for a fun EUC ride . We parked at Dunkin Donuts and rode from there . Cindy wore full pads for the first time because she intended to kick her speed up on the Msuper a few notches . She certainly accomplished her goal . According to Strava she topped out at 23 . 5 mph . Sunday afternoon I handled a couple Tacoma projects . First I did my 15 , 000 mile oil change , something a dealer won 't do since Toyota recommends only changing the oil every 10k . I recorded a video of the process , thinking it would be much faster than my other video I shot of the work which was over 25 minutes in length . Despite knowing what I was doing this time it still took awhile and the video is almost the exact same length , oh well . I then turned my attention to installing my OEM Tacoma TRD Pro fog lights . Installation of the lights was not quite as simple and straightforward as I anticipated but it still wasn 't bad at all . I like the look of the lights but the fact that they are now LED makes my non - LED headlights stick out like a sore thumb . It is now very likely I will be getting LED bulbs for my headlights soon . Last night we again opted to stay put and watched a Netflix rental I had sitting for awhile , The Secret Life of Pets , an animated movie that I think was made as the same crew that made Minions . The movie was cute with a slow part in the middle sandwiched with a strong start and finish . I 'd give it a B all day long . So my Memorial Day which used to be almost 100 % running club consumed between the 5K race in the morning with a a club picnic late instead had a nice leisurely flow to it . Cindy taught her water aerobics class mid - morning and I used it as an opportunity to complete my final project of the weekend , installing auxiliary LED lights in the front end of the truck . I had stumbled across the lights when I was buying oil for my oil change and did an impulsive snap purchase of them . Chuck , the guy that helped me with my lift had a LED light bar installed on his Tacoma so I had been thinking about doing something loosely anyway . The front of the box actually had a 2016 / 17 Tacoma with the kit installed so I assumed I should have little to no problem doing the same . Well as is normally the case , things did not go quite so smoothly , although I did have Elsa in the truck for most of the install offering me moral support . My issue was the cool TRD Pro grille I installed was different than the grill on the picture which was a base model Tacoma . As a result I did not have an unobstructed area to mount the lights behind the grille . Well after a lot of thought and more than a little hesitation , I decided to cut out one small section of the grille on either side which gave me a near perfect opening for the lights . I spent over $ 400 on this grille , tasking a snips to it seemed a bit surreal but I was somewhat confident it would work out in the end . Later in the process I even got the drill out to knock a hole in the back of the grille to get me access to turn a mounting screw for the lights . It was kind of crazy as you can see in the video . The rest of our Memorial Day has been very nice . For the first time in I have no idea how long , I actually used our pool for more than just a psuedo shower after yard work . Cindy and I floated around in the pool for a good 30 - 45 minutes , escaping the ridiculous temps hovering around 95 degrees . I then suggested we take Elsa on a ride to The Cone in Bonita Springs for some ice cream . Pool time and ice cream , the perfect Memorial Day one - two punch . Elsa got to try her first doggie ice cream ever and seemed to like it . We limited how much she had , just in case . My cookies and cream and Cindy 's black cherry cone were both very enjoyable . From here out I plan to just veg and get some WoW time in . Even though the weekend started off very front loaded with work with a large amount of projects peppered in , overall I am happy with the end result . It 's nice to just have simple fun and get shit done . Hey , that rhymes . Posted in Anything and Everything , EUC , Vehicle Maintenance | 1 Comment I made three videos last night that pretty much covered the excitement from yesterday . Feel free to catch up below . There is some big related news , I have now crossed over the 2000 subscriber mark on my YouTube Channel . The second 1000 subs happened about 300 % faster than the first 1000 so I hope to keep that acceleration pattern going . Posted in Anything and Everything , Vehicle Maintenance | Leave a comment So I completed the transfer of Prius ownership to my name yesterday . I transferred the plate that used to adorn my SSR to the Prius to save a few bucks . I have to say the plate looked much cooler and appropriate on the SSR but I do like the humor and irony of having the plate on the 50 MPG Prius as well . I dropped off the Tacoma this morning for it 's 15 , 000 mile service . I am hoping that it does not have the symptoms of the latest Tacoma recall , a leaking rear differential . If the truck is found to have the problem Toyota is pulling the trucks off the road and providing loaners until a solution is found . That would not be good , at all . Posted in Anything and Everything , Vehicle Maintenance | Leave a comment So early in the afternoon I asked Cindy if she heard anything back from the Hyundai dealer yet regarding her car . She hadn 't so she reached out to them . She talked to a woman service advisor who said they were still working on it . She made a request that seemed odd to me . Cindy had told her I took a picture of the error my code reader pulled from the car . She asked if I could send it to her . I found this odd because obviously they have the ability to read engine codes too but what the hell , ok , I 'll send it . Cindy said the woman was talking some technical stuff that didn 't quite make sense so I said I would call her since I had a pretty good grasp of the scenario . So I get a call back after leaving a message . The woman , who Cindy identified as being very nice on the phone started to explain the situation . She said that although the salesman and the mechanic initially saw the check engine light was on , it was now off so they couldn 't get a code with their equipment . I told her that didn 't seem to make sense since I thought whenever a check engine light condition exists , the code is stored in the ECU until it is forcibly cleared . As soon as I made that statement the woman 's nice switch flipped to off the position . She immediately developed a large attitude with me , how dare I question anything that she tells me ? She said several things in a very smart ass tone to me , including " Well if it is not showing a code there is nothing we can do … " I told her I wasn 't quite sure why she was taking an attitude with me but I did not appreciate it . I told her the general manager said they would do whatever it takes to get the car fixed asap , yet I am hearing " there is nothing we can do " It was a very poor choice of words on her part , considering the circumstances . I knew I was not going to get any further with this woman so I asked if she could transfer me back to our salesman . So I recanted my phone interaction with Matt and he was not happy about it . He told me he would get on it asap and someone would call me back . A little after 4PM the general manager called me and let me know that they replaced a relay that they believe was defective . He said to make sure they wanted to keep the car overnight and drive it some more just to make sure . I was fine with that plan , so hopefully Cindy is back behind the wheel tonight . I guess they COULD do something about it . I am not an overly confrontational person . However when someone steps on my feet and brings it to my face I can react quite strongly . I can put up with a lot of shit but when I decide not to , things can heat up pretty quickly . Posted in Anything and Everything , EUC , Home Improvements , Vehicle Maintenance | Leave a comment We started off our Saturday with an early morning run at the track . Cindy actually joined me which was cool . I think I am going to try to permanently move my weekend run to Saturday mornings instead of Sunday . It 's nice to get it out of the way up front . When I was at my running peak I was always doing my weekend run on Saturdays anyway . The warm and muggy weather made it a tough slog but we made it . So I told Cindy I had a lot of small chores I wanted to get done Saturday morning and she was more than willing to jump in and help . She actually weed whacked the yard using the battery powered whacker . One of the things I wanted to do was my every 3 month generator start up . I take both generators out of their respective sheds and fire them up so when the time comes where I actually need them , they will start . Of course the small Honda unit fired up very quickly , that thing is bullet proof . The big 5000 watt unit I bought in 2005 was a different story . After pulling on the starter cord until I got a blister it still would not fire up . I pulled out some tools and carb cleaner and got busy . I disconnected the fuel line and shot a ton of carb cleaner in there . I also removed the air filter and shot another large amount of cleaner in through the butterfly valve . I pulled the spark plug to make sure it didn 't look fouled out , it didn 't . Even after doing all of that , it would not start . Although I knew it likely wouldn 't help , I decided to leave the generator out to bake in the sun . I thought maybe , just maybe once it got good and warm it might start . Believe it or not , when I came back around 4pm , it started . Not only did it start but it ran for hours , something it normally won 't do anymore without intermittent shut offs . I was quite happy I was able to resuscitate the generator . So after doing the chores Cindy and I had planned to drive up to a Fort Myers Hyundai dealer to test drive a Hyundai Ioniq . Like I mentioned previously , with the Prius on the cusp of 200 , 000 miles we were looking at options . Although Cindy and I had seen an Ioniq a couple weeks prior we never drove one . Not only did we want to drive one , we really wanted to drive one of the Limited models that has the sunroof since that is what Cindy really wants . We wanted to see if the sunroof headroom penalty would have my head jammed against the roof . The only problem was Fort Myers didn 't have a Limited on the lot . Well as we were getting DD coffee Cindy just happened to browse the inventory of Tamiami Hyundai , our local dealer . We did not approach them originally because they were not a TrueCar affiliated dealer . Well according to their website they had TWO Limited 's on the lot . She called and talked to a salesman named Matt to verify they were there , they were . Even better news was one of them was the Ceramic White color that Cindy wanted . We canceled the GPS navigation for the Fort Myers dealer and headed to the local dealer who was only 5 miles away . The only " negative " about this car was it had the tech package which of course is a positive to me . The only bad thing is the additional cost . This car basically had everything you could possibly get in the Ioniq line . Our sales guy Matt was cool . He has been selling cars pretty much his entire adult life but he has a baseball background like me so that gave us some common ground . We wasted little time before doing the test drive . Cindy and I were both happy to see that even with the addition of a power sunroof I still had plenty of room for my cranium . I also immediately noticed that as a passenger I have more leg room than I do in the 2007 Prius . When I later drove the car I had a lot more leg room as well . The car drove great and Cindy loved pretty much everything about it . We had already talked about keeping the Prius as a third vehicle instead of trading it in . Ever since I got rid of the party van and the SSR , making us a two vehicle household ( if you don 't count the electric unicycles ) , there have been multiple times when having a third option would have been convenient . So without a paid off trade in we were going to see how the numbers worked out with a couple spiffs Cindy qualified for , as a veteran and an Uber driver as well as taking advantage of 60 month 0 % financing that Hyundai was currently offering . Cindy also brought her TrueCar pricing certificate which the dealer also honored . It took a little bit of haggling but in the end we came up with a number that worked for Cindy and would fulfill her transportation needs for the foreseeable future . Even though we didn 't enter the weekend anticipating Cindy having a new car in the garage , that 's how it worked out , at least for one night . More on that briefly . So I drove my Tacoma home escorting Cindy in her new wheels . The report card she gave when we got home was A + , she just loved the car in pretty much every way . She was extremely excited to take the vehicle to the movies Saturday night . I was very happy for her as well . So as we were ready to leave for the movies Cindy offered to back the car out of the driveway so it would be easier for me to get in . I could tell something was going on as she was trying to back out as she paused . She told me the car was making an odd noise and an error light was on the dash . Surely I thought she had to be misinterpreting something so I asked her to let me start it . I could hardly believe that the check engine light was on as well as a HEV system error . Cindy was immediately very distraught but I tried to calm her down . We did a little test drive up and down the street . The car drove fine but the error lights were still there . Not knowing what was going on we decided it would be better to park the car and just take the Tacoma to the movies . Cindy called the salesman and let him know of the problem . They were open Sunday 's so he said we could take the car there the next day . I spent most of the drive to the movies trying to talk Cindy down as she had nightmare scenarios running through her head that she just bought a lemon . I assured her I had confidence that the problem was likely minor and that the dealer would take care of it . Of course I felt badly that Cindy 's new car euphoria was cut short by the problem . Despite the Ioniq roller coaster we both really enjoyed the second Guardians of the Galaxy movie . I would rate it as highly as the first , meaning it is in rare A + levels . Marvel just knows how to do it right . So while we were driving the Tacoma I noticed that my headlights , which I had adjusted after the lift were still pointing too far downward , giving me very limited light distance on the road . Despite it being late I wanted to get them adjusted when we got home . Before doing so I also wanted to get some more clarity on the Ioniq error . I hooked up code reader to the brand new car 's diagnostic port to see what it would tell me . In a few seconds it told me that something in the circuit that controls the battery cooling fan was amiss . Getting this information was a bit of a relief as it would seem that would be a rather simple thing to fix . It also made Cindy feel a bit better as well . Sunday morning we did stuff around the house until mid - morning . I followed Cindy in the Prius . While I filled the car up with gas she headed to the dealership to get the loaner process started . Ironically , the error lights had reset themselves during Cindy 's drive however when the salesman turned the car back on the HEV error once again reappeared , leaving no question of it 's existence . They gave Cindy a nice Elantra Sport as a loaner and assured us they would get the problem addressed quickly . They said if it requires a part to fix they will pull it from one of their Ioniqs on the lot if need be , which was reassuring to hear . Below is my video documenting my initial Ioniq impressions as well as talking about the CEL issue . We then met up with Katie and Daniel for some EUC riding , something we had not done as a group in awhile . We had a fun time zipping around the Vanderbilt Beach area although it was ridiculously hot outside . Daniel is ready to upgrade to a bigger / faster wheel . I recommended he look at a Gotway ACM which has power , speed , and range to spare . We actually cut the ride a little short because my old Ninebot One I gave to Daniel ran out of juice . When we got home we turned right around and headed back out , this time with the dogs in tow . They had looked disappointed repeatedly over the weekend when we headed out without them . We wanted to get one small Home Depot road trip in for them before Sadie went back to Ali 's place today . Elsa and Sadie appeared to have fun . Elsa is definitely acting better in public spaces . Her freak outs are fewer and farther between . We didn 't get back home till after 4pm . I just chilled out for the rest of the day . It 's funny how even with a very busy and eventful weekend , just a few consecutive hours of doing nothing makes me feel sort of lazy . Posted in Anything and Everything , EUC , Vehicle Maintenance | Leave a comment Yesterday the new tail lights I ordered for the Tacoma arrived . They are the tail lights that come on the $ 45 , 000 Tacoma TRD Pro trucks . They have a more blacked out appearance which goes well with other black accents I already added to the truck like the grille , nerf bars , and tail gate letters . Installation of the new light assemblies was easier than I anticipated with only two bolts holding each in along with a couple clips . In total the job probably took 20 minutes including time futzing with the camera . The light swap gives the back end of the truck a sharp new look . I actually went nuts and ordered the TRD Pro front fog lights as well which should show up next week . The dealership I bought them from actually cut me a break on price and shipping because I told them I had been mentioning them in my other videos . I like mutual back scratching scenarios . This weekend we hope to finally get out to see Guardians of the Galaxy 2 . I also have a number of home chores on my mental list as always . An EUC ride or two would be fun as well . Posted in Anything and Everything , EUC , Vehicle Maintenance | Leave a comment So Chuck showed up pretty much right on time , despite only pulling out of Maryland very early Sunday morning . It felt somewhat weird meeting someone that you " know " from YouTube but I had talked to Chuck on the phone before he came down so it wasn 't a huge deal . Chuck 's personality in person matched what I had seen online which was a good thing . I could tell we wouldn 't have a hard time getting along . So I had done some prep ahead of time , pulling out all of the tools I thought we would need and setting them up on a folding table in the garage . Despite my best efforts we did have to make one trip to AutoZone to grab a deeper 14MM socket to torque the bolts in the recessed area of the front spacer . It gave me an opportunity to ride and drive Chuck 's truck which was a cool experience . Since Chuck had already installed a more involved lift on his 4 × 4 Tacoma we used a combination of his past experience and the detailed color instructions I printed out to guide us . The issue we ran into was the instructions were written from the perspective of the work being done on a car lift , not on the ground using jack stands . As a result we had to come up with our own on the fly method to support the rear axle while getting space to install the lifting block . After we got the blocks in there we had a hell of a time getting the alignment pins on both sides where they needed to be . At one point Chuck and I were basically holding the rear axle up ourselves , one on each side , while getting the the blocks seated . It was a bit hairy for a short period of time but we got it in place and secured . So after everything was all back together we took my truck for about a 10 mile test ride to verify everything felt normal . It felt and drove just fine , the only difference was the higher driving position which was immediately noticeable . It 's hard to believe that raising the front of the truck roughly three and a half inches would feel and look so much different but it really does . Shortly before Chuck pulled out the FedEx truck containing my Monster arrived which was funny timing . I opened the box while he was still there so he could see one of my non - Tacoma hobbies . He is an avid motorcycle guy but was impressed with the size of the Monster as I struggled to pull the 60 pound beast from the box . So it was time for Chuck to roll out back to Sarasota to meet up with his family for the rest of their Florida vacation before they return to Maryland . I thanked him repeatedly for all the help . Although I may have been able to eventually complete the job by myself , it would have been MUCH more difficult . Having Chuck 's experience , tools , and great attitude made the job much more enjoyable than it would have been otherwise . So Patrick and his girlfriend Nico were due to arrive later in the day although I wasn 't quite sure when . It gave me some time to edit the large amount of video footage I had from the day . They wound up pulling in around 7 which worked out pretty well since Cindy was teaching an evening class anyway . Once Cindy got home we piled in the Prius for a nice dinner at Pelican Larry 's . We got to hear a lot about the adventures they have had so far in Key West and Miami . Both Patrick and Nico are adventuresome explorers and seem to be a really good match which is awesome . Today and tomorrow we have no script although I do need to get my truck to a shop to have an alignment done after the lift sooner rather than later . Posted in Anything and Everything , EUC , Vehicle Maintenance | Leave a comment After work last night I stopped at Home Depot with the recommended tool list for the leveling kit install . I needed to pick up a couple impact sockets , wrenches , and even a crow bar . Chuck is going to be bringing down some of his tools as well so between the two of us we should have everything covered . I cut a short video last night revealing what the next mod was on YouTube , something I had not done as of yet . It seems like teasing projects is a popular formula for keeping your subscribers engaged . So I am off Monday through Wednesday next week . Chuck and I are doing the lift on Monday during the day and Patrick and his girlfriend are supposed to show up late in the afternoon for a quick three day visit . I met his girlfriend Nico during my January trip up north and she seems like a great girl . I am sure we will have a fun visit with them as Patrick is always up for pretty much anything you throw at him . This weekend I 'd like to do a few clean up operations around the household in anticipation of housing visitors . I also am anticipating the arrival of my Monster which I have been tracking regularly . As of 9 : 30 last night it was damn close to entering the Florida panhandle . I am crossing my fingers that it might actually show up on Saturday instead of Monday . Posted in Anything and Everything , Vehicle Maintenance | Leave a comment Yesterday after I verified Retro Fitness was officially closed I drove immediately over to Planet Fitness to join up . I am crossing my fingers it is only a short term , stop gap measure until some other lunchtime fitness option becomes available . By the time I got done signing up half my lunch hour was spent so I decided to ride my EUC over at Sugden park for a little bit . I did mostly backwards riding practice that went well except for one incident where I came off the wheel and it kicked around wildly , part of which included the fast spinning tire grinding into my calf , leaving a nice brush burn . I had a box at my front door last night which contained my latest mod for my Tacoma , color matching dash accents . When I was speccing out my truck I thought all Inferno colored Tacomas had these accents . It turned out only the trucks with a black interior got them . My gray interior instead has the far less visually exciting dark gray accents pieces . Last week the idea popped into my head that I could probably just order the color coordinated accents and install them myself . A brief investigation confirmed this and I ordered the parts from the same dealership I ordered my replacement grill . When I pulled the parts out of the box I did a double take , they almost looked red to me in the dining room lighting . I verified the parts tag that these were indeed the Inferno colored pieces . Installation of the pieces was pretty simple , really only requiring a screwdriver and my hands to pry the pieces off the dash and pop them back on . Of course like any automotive project I shot a video for any other Tacoma owners that might have the same idea as I did . I like the end result for sure .
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We kick off this time around with something futuristic from ' A B & C , ' those film cassettes of ' A ' ' B ' ' C ' and of Engadines party . A single reel of 8mm film in a plastic cassette , I wonder how that works then ? Because its not reel to reel as in the case with film of this kind . Wuring Once Upon A Time No . 6 admitted to No . 2 that he 's the boss " He thinks you 're the boss " said No . 2 . " I am " No . 6 replies . " I 'm No . 2 . I 'm the boss . " " No . 1 's the boss " No . 6 responds . But this is conflicting , because does No . 6 realise he is No . 1 ? Because after the Supervisor - No . 28 has entered the Embryo room he asks No . 6 what he desires , and No . 6 says " No . 1 . " In ' Arrival ' a Village citizen is attacked by the Village Guardian , either suffoctaed to death , or simply into unconsciousness . In that scene , there is a slight mistake , as the man in the striped jersey turns into a man wearing a oink blazer , that man in No . 100 { Mark Eden } of ' It 's Your Funeral . ' The question is not why that few seconds of film of No . 100 being suffocted by the Village Guardian from ' It 's Your Funeral . ' But why was No . 100 supposed to have been attacked by the Village Guardian in the first place ? ! During the episode of ' It 's Your Funeral ' No . 100 exchanged No . 6 's wrist watch whist No . 6 was taking part in a Kosho match . When No . 6 returned to his locker his watch had stopped . He didn 't realise that it wasn 't actually his own watch , shouldn 't he have noticed this ? After all , No . 6 is supposed to have a strong sense of identity , and that you won 't catch him out on his possessions . Apart from the fact that No . 2 in ' Arrival ' wears the same Village attire as No . 6 , I have always wondered why this new No . 2 wears a piped blazer , while all the others , save for female No . 2 's and No . 2 of ' Free For All , ' No . 2 generally wears double or single breasted plain blazers . Wearing a piped blazer makes the new No . 2 of ' Arrival ' stand out amongst his peers , and yet enjoys such a short term of office ! But I suppose the only No . 2 to show any real individualistic tendencies is No . 2 of ' Free for All . ' His jacket is a beige colour , and something unusual , cuffs at the end of the sleeves ! 60 Second Interview with No . 1 No . 113 : It wasn 't easy getting an interview with Number One . In fact the journey to this actual point had been a hard and difficult one . But I asked Number One what it had all been about ? " Ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha . " " Alright , have it your own way . But if you ask me finding out that Number One is supposed to be Number Six was pretty disappointing , if not predictable such is the strength of the man 's egomania . And in that , I reject both you and your Village ! " After a routine check - up at the opticians at the hospital , it appears that the doctor has been carrying out a further experiment on the patient . It appears that an operation to remove a cataract from the patients left eye . However during this operation a new drug developed by the ' Chemist & Research ' department , was used for the first time . A matter of hours later , as the patient was in ward ' A ' that a development occurred which so far the doctors have been unable to explain , it is this . The patient is able to see through his eyelids ! The operation together with the newly developed drug has in effect given the patient X - Ray vision . The doctor - No . 40 has taken over the case , having the patient removed to a side ward . Reports have it that the doctor - No . 40 has stepped up the treatment upon the patient , with an increase of the drug , and subsequent dosage . This has caused the eyesight of the patient to intensify his X - Ray vision . At first he could only see through the uniforms of the hospital staff , then through the uniform , skin and bone . And as the treatment was increased , both the walls and roof of the hospital disappeared . In order to give the patient some relief from the effects of X - Ray vision , because it was having a destabilising effect upon the patient , heavy duty thick lead lined goggles were quickly made . And to some extent this has had a stabilising effect on the patient , by cutting down the effects of the X - Ray vision . Just how far the doctor will be allowed to go with this experiment remains to be seen . As for the eyesight of the patient , it is somewhat perplexing as to just what he might he might be seeing and to the extent of that sight . The doctor - No . 40 is arguing the point , that he must take this experiment on , this to identify just what the patient is seeing . If taken all the way he might just be able to see through to infinity and back . No . 2 of ' The Schizoid Man , ' so confident , so assured . He failed in one respect , in breaking No . 6 , but succeeded in stopping No . 6 from escaping the village . But even though this man is very clever , why did he need to use passwords when it came to identifying No . 6 and his twin No . 12 ? After all both were wearing different blazers , No . 6 his regular dark blazer , and No . 6 a cream blazer ! Also who did he become friends with Curtis in the first place ? And was he aware of Curtis 's look - a - alike features to No . 6 in a previous to their arrival in the village ? No . 24 - Alison betrayed No . 6 , although she wanted him to know that given a second chance she wouldn 't do it again . Just when and how she befriended No . 6 in the first place is unknown . she was either put up to it by No . 2 , either that or No . 2 got the idea for the plan through observation of No . 6 's friendly help and quite obvious mental connection with No . 24 . No . 12 of Administration , assistant to No . 2 during his term of office in The General . No . 12 doesn 't care for the Professor , the General , or Speedlearn . He helps No . 6 by supplying him with the Professors lecture about the General on micro tape , two security pass discs , and the uniform of a Top - Hat official . He also tries to save the Professors life at the end , but dies in the attempt . Or did No . 12 commit suicide by clinging onto the Professor , and thus making it look like he was trying to save the Professors life ? Did you know that Patrick McGoohan was offered the role of Simon Templer - the Saint , before Roger Moore ? And did you know that Patrick McGoohan turned down that role of the Saint simply because of the car which was going to be used in the ITC series called The saint , the car being a Volvo . When in the actual novels written by Leslie Charteris , Simon Templer drove a car of the country he visited . Roland Walter Dutton , the Court Jester . For he is the man who the Prisoner thought would be the best person placed to say the things which needed to be said at The Prisoner 's trial . Why ? Because in the days of yesteryear when the Kings and Queens had their own personal Court Jester , it was the Jester who could get away with telling how things really were , political commentary against the King say , without any harm coming to the Jester , because the Jester does it through comedy . So perhaps the Prisoner had seen Roland Walter Dutton dressed in the costume of a Court Jester , and thought that Dutton as the Jester might just get away with saying the things which needed to be said ! Well he 's still out there having reached day seven , that 's six days and six nights all alone at sea . He 's a very resilient man our Number 6 . We see here that he has been keeping a basic ships log of his voyage , the number of days , and his position at that time of day . I wonder how he knows his position without the use of a sextant ? He 'll know the time by his wrist watch , unless of course sea water gets into it , then it will stop ! I wonder how Number 6 is feeling this morning ? Cold , wet , alone ! He 'll still be eating cold food out of tins , lets hope his drinking water lasts . He must he tired , perhaps approaching exhaustion . Here Number 6 almost fell asleep at the helm of his craft , that will never do . So far Number 6 has experienced fair winds , but should a storm develop , then he 'll be in real trouble . And still no safety line rigged , if he was to get swept overboard , separated from his raft , he 'll drown ! At best without warm dry clothing he 'll die from hyperthermia and exposure ! His clothes soaked with sea water will harden and stick to his skin . The Village Administration must have been mad to allow their prize prisoner Number 6 to be put through this ordeal , they could so easily lose Number 6 ! Such are the realities of the current situation . And so it is that Number 6 must face yet another day all alone at sea , the way it has been for the past six days and nights . It would terrify me I know that , what about you ? Mind you I forgot that Number 6 is made of sterner stuff , but then again he has to be ! I remember how once at a Prisoner Convention at Portmeirion , I went into the shop called " Pot Jam , " I went in to purchase something I forget what . The woman behind the counter asked me if I understood everything about ' the Prisoner ? ' I looked at her and said by " no , no I don 't . " She said how refreshing it was to hear that , as many fans of ' the Prisoner ' she had spoken to said they all understood everything about ' the Prisoner . ' Yes , I can understand that , after all it 's not the done thing to appear not to be one of the crowd , to be seen to admit that unlike the majority who claim to know everything about ' the Prisoner ' you don 't know what the series is all about ! There are certain aspects of ' the Prisoner ' that remain a mystery to me , and others that cannot be understood or explained , and therefore will forever remain a complete and utter mystery ! Well he once worked for NATO security , then British Intelligence department MI9 . So I suppose he could be made a plant here in the Village , to winkle out the dissidents and Unmutuals ! On a more mundane level seeing as he built his own Lotus 7 kit car , he might be a motor mechanic , serviceing the fleet of Village taxis ! You know , well no you don 't know , I am constantly being surprised by the way people see ' the Prisoner . ' In an email from a friend who described ' the Prisoner ' as a 17 piece puzzle . Now we all know that ' the Prisoner ' is a conundrum , enigmatic , a puzzlement , but this is the first time in all my years of appreciation for ' the Prisoner ' that anyone has called it a 17 piece puzzle , but it is an apt description . Well that 's hardly a break through I hear you scream , we know ' the Prisoner ' is a puzzlement , but what 's the answer ? Well that is for each and everyone of us to arrive at , after all ' the Prisoner ' means what it is , and not what we strive to make it . Number 2 once wrote on a blackboard find missing link , I suppose that would be the reason behind the Prisoner 's resignation . But that cat won 't jump anymore , because we know why the Prisoner resigned , " for peace of mind , because too many people know too much . " And what does that tell us ? It tells us that the Prisoner had a conscience . Well having discovered the missing link , what do we do now ? Put it together , well that 's all well and good , but how do you put the 17 piece puzzle called ' the Prisoner ' together , when so many of the pieces are missing ? Like the Prisoner 's name for instance , the job he resigned from . Why did he refuse to kill ? Were both the Colonel and Fotheringay really traitors ? Who was Nadia Rakovsky going to report to ? Not the Colonel , he was all too aware of how things went during the chimes of Big Ben ! Exactly what is the Village Guardian ? Which side runs the Village ? It 's run by one side or the other , perhaps both ! Whose side is the Prisoner on ? He says he 's on the side of the Village , but seeing as we cannot be too sure which side that is …… possibly that of the British , or both . And yet the Village is an International community , a blueprint for world order , we can clearly see the problem ! The only way open to any of us , which gives us a chance of " putting it together , " can be through interpretation , speculation , and theorisation . And that can lead one down so many different avenues , making it so easy to get lost that you lose the train of thought you were following in the first place . However neither speculation and interpretation makes for the perfect scenario . Speculation is not fact , and how are we to know that what we interpret is the correct interpretation ? More than that ' the Prisoner ' can be interpreted in so many ways , Patrick McGoohan himself said a much , " That one thousand people can interpret the series in one thousand separate ways , and each one would be right , " or words to that effect . So that leaves us with theorisation , again one can theorise as much as one wishes , but that gets us nowhere . What 's more , the deeper one delves into ' the Prisoner , ' the more complicated it becomes . In order to " put it together , " one must have the facts . We know that a man resigns his job for peace of mind , because too many people know too much ! There is the Village where people turn up , people who have a certain kind of knowledge inside their heads which is of great value to one side or the other . People in the Village are there to either have that knowledge extracted , or protected . That everyone is a number . That there is no escape . And even with the basic facts , there is no - way that one can put it together , for there is much we cannot possibly know . Perhaps I am looking at it from the wrong angle . Perhaps the puzzle has already been put together , perhaps not to our own personal liking , in the 17 episodes that go to make up ' the Prisoner . ' That we as television viewers , and as fans of the ' Prisoner , ' try too hard to dissect the series first , and then attempt to put it together again in order to make sense of it all , something which all the Kings horses and all the Kings men could not do ! Oh I am fully aware that I am one of the worst for theorising , interpreting , analysing , and scrutinising ' the Prisoner ' to death . But you see it has become my lot in life to do so , as anyone who reads my ' Prisoner ' blog will tell you . And yet I assure you that you and I are not alone , there are plenty of fans of ' the Prisoner ' the world over who are doing just the same . Individuals who like me , are fascinated by the television series created by one Patrick McGoohan . Be seeing you " Why don 't you sit down sir and have a nice cup of hot chocolate . You 're all stressed out sir . Sit down and relax , while I call Number Two . " Jamming And believe you me , we 're not talking domestic science here , but Jammers who like nothing more than messing up the system ! I 'd heard that No . 118 , an eccentric artist , knows much about Jamming . So I went to interview No . 118 , as he worked on the lawn of the Old People 's Home . What they do , these Jammers , is they talk . " " Talk ? " I asked . " They talk about the plots they 've been hatching . " " And what plots may these be ? " I asked . No . 118 was very specific . " Well escapes mostly . But plans and developments for all kinds of mischief . They do it to confuse the observers . The plots they talk about are always make - believe . " " So they never have any intention of escaping ? " I asked . " Not when the plots are always make - believe , but then control can 't know that until they 've checked them out . Used to run themselves ragged investigating the schemes of Jammers . " " used to ? " I asked " Well they don 't bother any more . " { I was curious to know why } . " Well they keep a list of known Jammers , and should anything be picked up by control from one fo these , they just let it ride . " Then technically a Jammer does have the possibility of escape , if he or she came come up with the right plan ! Because if control picked a plan up by a Jammer they would simply ignore it ! Later I spoke to the Watchmakers daughter No . 50 . " Jamming is one of the most important ways of fighting back " No . 50 told me . I asked her if she is a Jammer , but she was reluctant to give an answer . The only trouble with meeting a Jammer , is that you don 't know if your being told the truth , or that your being jammed by the person in question . I think I 'll keep to my jam on toast , it 's not so much of a mouthful to swallow ! Fictionally speaking if we can suppose that No . 2 of ' Hammer Into Anvil ' is that of Thorpe in ' Many Happy Returns , ' who was so keen as to " hammer " No . 6 , then he would not be the first ex - colleague of No . 6 's so to want to do . As No . 2 's assistant during ' The Chimes of Big Ben ' Potter who suggested to No . 2 " There are methods we haven 't used yet , " meaning to break his ex - colleague No . 6 . " He 'll crack " Potter assures his superior , with a wry smile . Then we can also suppose that No . 2 's assistant is in fact Potter seen later in the series as the Colonel 's back - up in ' The Girl Who Was Death . ' Portmeirion , where night time is a magical time , when the atmosphere changes from what it was in the daytime . I stroll quietly through the Village , along streets and along paths , pausing here and there to look in shop windows , before finally retiring for the night . And for those life serving prisoners , they can watch ' The Prisoner ' on Portmeirion 's video channel . Once upon a time , if you wanted to see a film on Portmeirion 's video channel , all you had to do was telephone the hotel reception , ask if they have such a film as you wanted to watch , and if so you could book it for that night . But they don 't do that any more , and so much in Portmeirion has changed . Many of the old ways of Portmeirion have died . THEPRIS6NER , what is it all about ? Thankfully during my time in The Village I never encountered that membranic " thing , " what is it , a guardian ? But there it is , as large as life , proving the fact that the guardian did not die in ' Fall Out . ' But is it all really in the mind ? Does not The Village physically exist ? It 's a poor look out for me , an many others if it doesn 't ! There has been a theory put forward that this new Village has been built on the site of the previous one . That the desert shows that there has been a dramatic climate change , well I don 't subscribe to that particular theory , but a theory it is nonetheless for that . You may think that I 'm crossing over from the one Village to the other , but I assure you that is not the case . People are having their say on THEPRIS6NER , and I simply thought to exercise my right to do so . I was curious . But gratified to see so many echoes of the original series within the new series , and that education was touched on , if ever so briefly . I understand that people are switching off rather than watching THEPRIS6NER , that fans do not like it because it 's not a remake , did they really want a simple remake ? I think that it is very poor to think fans of ' the Prisoner ' have turned their backs on this new series , especially after they have dealt with the complexities of McGoohan 's ' Prisoner . ' I would have thought that to them THEPRIS6NER would have been a piece of cake . But really , is THEPRIS6NER so very different to that of the original ? In my opinion , no , it 's all there , just wrapped up a little differently if you ask me . This final episode was entitled ' Checkmate , ' but I thought that ' Dance of the Dead ' might have been a more fitting title , as much of the episode , what little there was of it , dealt with death of one kind or another . Six was dying , Two 's wife M2 was suffocated to death , not by " Rover " but by her son 11 - 12 and a cushion . 11 - 12 then went and hanged himself in the " Go Inside " Club , and finally Two blew himself up with a hand grenade . But there is a difference with death in The Village . Six didn 't die , we saw that at the end . Two 's wife M2 died in The Village , yet not in the other place in New York , and that was the same fate of Two , who walked off together into the sunset so to speak , both Curtis and his wife Helen finally having escaped The Village . Where as , Six has become the new Two , and 313 chose to accept her fate by taking the pills . They sat in the desert together with the new Two making plans for an even better Village , and 313 with a tear in her eye . What of 11 - 12 ? Well his death by suicide was the only actual death in The Village . And if it had not been for Six accepting the role of the new Two , and 313 deciding to join him because she loves him , The Village , and all the residents would simply have disappeared into one giant hole , oblivion in fact . And the origin of The Village , well it 's all in the mind , Helen 's mind . An experiment into the layers of the subconscious where The Village was created . It 's purpose to take broken people there , broken for whatever reason . Mend them , mentally , and then let them back into the " other " place . In the end Two got what he wanted , or rather Curtis got what he wanted . He got Michael back into the company of Summakor , and as Two got Six to finally accept . And all those flashbacks were not flashbacks at all ! It was people like Michael , Two , and 147 , those people who were brought to The Village , living lives in two places at the same time . I shall have to watch this final episode again to gauge the full effect of it , and see if there was anything I missed . We were certainly short changed by the length of this episode , which in the end was the exact opposite to that of the original series Fall Out . McGoohan wouldn 't have liked it , as Checkmate gave all the answers we the viewer were looking and perhaps hoping for . But short changed ? Yes , because the final episode ' Checkmate ' began as 10 : 20 pm , and concluded around 11 : 10pm , not an hour , not even fifty minutes ! No . 7 's It Doesn 't Really Mean Anything Take the innocent looking Astro or Lava lamp , seen by some to be symbolic , suggestive even . " Suggestive , " wrote one fan , " of the village guardian , Seen to be malevolent , as though it would do you harm if it were ever to escape it close confinement . " Get out of it , and get real for goodness sake . Its a simple Astro or Lava lamp - depending on what you want to call it , its contents oil and wax , which is more soothing and tranquil than it is malevolent ! " No . 7 Hotel Portmeirion must have been a wonderful , quirky place to visit and even to stay as a guest . The date of this postcard is unknown , but probably dates from the 1950 's , but certainly at a time before the open Lido was built - the concrete swimming pool . I wonder if anyone actually used that swimming pool ? I don 't see the young women by the swimming pool in the water ! I should think that No . 2 should follow his own advice , to guard his words carefully ! Mind you , with the failed result of the experiment as " Speedlearn , ' we never see this particular No . 2 again . We never know what happens to an out - going No . 2 , but perhaps he got his wish , to escape ! The Prisoner purchased his car as a kit - car . How long might it have taken the Prisoner to build his Lotus 7 ? An old friend of mine told me that he built his over a weekend ! that doesn 't include the spray job . In ' Dance of the Dead ' No . 6 was put on trial for the possession of a radio . He took that radio from the dead body he found on the beach . If that dead man was No . 34 who we hear from the Supervisor as having died , might not that body found on the beach by No . 6 be No . 34 ? That would mean the obvious question , where did No . 34 get that radio ? ' Dance of the Dead ' is perhaps the darkest of the 17 episodes of ' the Prisoner , ' however I 'm not always sure what was achieved with the episode . After all No . 6 might have been sentenced to death , but its certain that that sentence to be carried out by the people in the name of justice , would never have been carried out . Justice indeed , it was more like mob rule . The people acting like a lynch mob ! The white membranic mass of the Village Guardian , keep the citizens in line . It stops anyone from attempting to escape , it keeps them at bay . And yet , isn 't it also that a Guardian protects , protects the people against themselves , as well as the Village as a whole . The Prisoner said that it was a matter of conscience , that he resigned for peace of mind . Seeing as how No . 1 and No . 6 are supposed to be the alter ego of the other , and if we carry this through the whole series , then perhaps No . 6 didn 't like what was being done in the Village , and decided in ' Fall Out ' that he didn 't want any more of it . And so having returned to London , he went off to hand in his resignation just as soon as he could . During ' Fall Out , ' the Village was evacuated . But where did everyone go ? It was remarkable that such an evacuation was carried out in so short a time . Did the evacuation include all the patients in the hospital , and the folk in the Old People 's Home ? And so many helicopters brought in to almost instant use during that evacuation ! Just how many French Alouette helicopters did the Village have ? It is quite obvious that the Prisoner is trapped in a vicious circle . The question is how to break that vicious circle ? I suppose that would all depend on how much the Prisoner remembered from the first time . He might for example remember not to trust either Nadia or the Colonel . He might choose not to resign a second time , or at the very least take both his suitcases , passport and airline ticket with him when he goes to hand in his resignation . That way he need not go home , and can drive straight to the airport from that underground car park ! Does The Village Really Exist ? Is The Village an actual physical place , or is it purely all in the mind ? If it is , it 's a sad lookout for those who live here , and that includes me ! If The Village is a figment of someone 's over active imagination , in whose mind was The Village created , and who is controlling it now ? My money is on the Prisoner , and by that I mean this fellow No . 6 . Is No . 6 mad ? Well not according to our records he isn 't . But then again , if The Village and everything in it , is but a figment of No . 6 's over active imagination , then he would have written his psychiatric report himself , wouldn 't he ? And if that 's the case , No . 6 must be writing this now , but through me ! I wonder if I 'm a cardboard cut - out sat motionless at my desk , the editor might be of that opinion ! But if The Village is the creation of one man 's mind , then he must be mad , as mad as a Hatter ! After all who would create such a Village in which the creator is persecuted , abused , interrogated , and medically experimented on , on a daily basis ? Well perhaps someone with a persecution complex , who wants to suffer , but who knows just how far he wants to go . After all no harm must come to No . 6 , he doesn 't want to end up a man of fragments , the tissue must remain undamaged . And that would explain why No . 2 is allowed to go only so far in gaining the reason behind No . 6 's resignation . It 's been tried before , and now they 've tried it again , it didn 't work then , and it didn 't work now . They gave me love , in the form of 4 - 15 , both here in The Village and in New York with Lucy , and then took it away . In fact they went further , they murdered Lucy , at the precise same moment 4 - 15 threw herself into that hole , into oblivion . Can two people be in two places at the same time ? Is one place a dream ? If both places are a dream , then I 'm in serious trouble ! I 've no idea what Two means by finding the Six within , but I do know that they come for you in the night , when you 're asleep . I know it , and I want 313 to help me . But I 'm not sure she can , because to do that she would have to betray Two , and I don 't think 313 's up to that . 313 loves me , she stopped the wedding by kissing me , and really spoilt Two 's plan . Two thinks love and family life are the answer to everything . But what would Two know about family love , look how he treats his own family ! 11 - 12 is already suspicious , and is quietly going against his father , I wonder how far 11 - 12 will go against him ? Number Six 's jacket seen in most episodes is the one with broken piping on the lapel . There is however a second blazer , similar to the first , except it has continuous piping around the lapel . This second blazer represents a continuity flaw within the whole series . It has been asked over the years whether or not this second jacket was an internal costume decision . This seems unlikely and was probably overlooked that the second jacket was not identical to the first . Thus while the one with broken piping would be cleaned , by a lady in Portmadog , after a day of rolling about on the beach , the second one would come into play for less energetic scenes . The General - this is the second episode to feature Colin Gordon as No . 2 , although his other episode A B & C , was in fact filmed later . The credit 's give Joshua Adam as the writer , this being the pen name of Lewis Griefer . For the first time in the series the metal corridors , which lie beneath The Village , appear , as do the American style military guards , who return in later episodes . Also re - used is the Council Chamber from Free For All . This was the basic interior set used to represent No . 2 's Operations Room , the Control Room and the Labour Exchange , plus the laboratory in A B & C . Education was a newsworthy issue in the mid - sixties , with student ' sit - ins ' being all the rage . However , the main thrust of the story was to give a warning about the danger of technology , when it is used for learning . If people are fed data which has not been arranged or edited , that will become fixed with the information and will have less freedom of thought , as their mental spectrum has been narrowed . Today is the fourth day No . 6 has been at sea , seen here shaving , well that won 't last much longer ! Mind you our friend here is most resilient and his ingenuity knows no bounds , as he constructs a home - made compass . It must be extremely difficult knowing where you are sailing to , because he doesn 't know where he is sailing from ! But I expect having been confined for several months in the Village , that almost any place is better then being back there ! I wonder how our friend here is feeling ? Tired , well he wouldn 't get much sleep perched on that thing would he , four hours if he 's lucky ! Cold , wet well he has no waterproof or warm clothing ! And in need of a hot drink and meal , and possibly beginning to feel the strain of loneliness . If I were No . 6 , I 'd have a safety line rigged , the raft to one end , and he to the other . Well if there should be a sudden heavy sea develop and a high wind , well No . 6 looks to be in a very vulnerable place right now . Once he 's into the Atlantic , possibly with tides and currents , No . 6 might find his raft drifting into the Bay of Biscay , and in there waves get up to 65 feet ! This is the look of a man who has had his hopes of escape dashed at the final moment . To think that " they " had put No . 6 through all that had work . Felling trees , clearing them of their branches , cutting them to length - collecting oil drums , emptying them , and finally to construct his sea - going raft . To provision his vessel , take photographic evidence of the Village , to be stopped at the last minute . This just shows " their " cruelty ! Ah but then . . . . . . . . . One might say that this man , No . 28 a Supervisor , is a large cog in the machine . He is dedicated to his task , and is rarely seen outside the confines of the Control Room , and such is his importance he is never heard to be referred to by his number , but by his title " Supervisor . " What 's more actor Peter Swanwick is a fourth constant within ' the Prisoner ' series , along with Patrick McGoohan , Angelo Muscat , and the white mass of the Village Guardian . The Colonel who is gratified at being seconded to the village . What 's more he mentions No . 1 at the end . So certainly the Colonel is working for the village , although he doesn 't look very happy to actually be there . The Colonel was once in the Guards , he wears the Guards tie as Sir Charles still wears his old Estonian tie ! No . 2 , who probably suffered the second most disastrous result since No . 2 witnessed the self - destruction of the General , together with the deaths of both the Professor and No . 12 of administration ! Only with this No . 2 the Colonel died , and Doctor Jacob Seltzman actually escaped the village . As far as we know Doctor Seltzamn was the first ever to escape the village , before or since ! Janet Portland fiancée to the Prisoner - No . 6 , who had no idea if he was alive or dead . Sent on a mission by her father Sir Charles Portland or not ! Mind you she never once used his name , not even in his presence at her birthday party , which she took very well all things considered , her fiancé in another man 's body ! Apparently No . 2 can never remember " One lump or two ? " " It 's in the file " No . 6 suggests . " Yes , as a matter of fact yes . But it would take time . . . . . . . " " Why ? Are you running out of time ? " No . 6 asks . No . 2 just wanted No . 6 to give something away , but being thwarted in his frustration he checks No . 6 's file " Does not take sugar - frightened of putting on weight No . 6 ? " " No , nor of being reduced ! " he quips . But in the episode of ' Free For All ' during an interview with the Manager of the Labour Exchange we learn that No . 6 gave up sugar four years and three months , before his abduction to the village , on medical advice . So I wonder if the Prisoner - No . 6 is actually a diabetic ? We never see No . 6 injecting himself with insulin , so if he is diabetic , it would have to be Type 2 and not Type 1 - Type 2 is where the subject is overweight , No . 6 doesn 't look to be over weight , but you can never tell I suppose , having to watch they eat , and be put on a diet , with no sugar ! ' The Chimes of Big Ben ' and No . 6 is escaping the village along with No . 8 - Nadia , sealed in a crate together . First by sea to Gdansk , then by air to Copenhagen , and by air again to London , a journey which will take 12 hours . And indeed we see that there is road travel by lorry , then the crate is loaded aboard a ship , and later the crate is put on as freight on an aircraft . But of course these scenes are simply for the television viewer , and does not actually take place . What precisely happens can only be open to interpretation , yet this is how my friend interpreted what actually happens to that crate with Nadia and No . 6 sealed inside . Its easy to imagine this crate with two people inside , set on a rig which can imitate the motion of a ship , and aircraft , the crate lifted up and swung about as though being loaded and off loaded . With sound equipment to give audio sound effects which would actually be heard by the two people inside the crate during the supposed journey . In fact none of the journey actually takes place , well apart from having the crate wheeled on a trolley into the Colonel 's office , but even that bit is faked ! Then we come to Living In Harmony in which No . 8 strangles No . 22 to death with his bare hands , and then commits suicide by throwing himself off the balcony in the Silver Dollar Saloon . But really there is no evidence to prove that No . 22 was actually strangled to death , because as No . 6 knelt at her side No . 22 was able to speak , she said " I wish it had been real , " so No . 22 was alive when No . 6 arrived on the scene . Had No . 22 been strangled by No . 8 she would have been unable to speak . I mean No . 22 was either strangled to death , or she wasn 't , there is no two ways about it . " I know too much . We 're both lifers . I am definately an optimist , that 's why it doesn 't matter who No . 1 is . It doesn 't matter which side runs the Village . . . . . . " and it is at that point where the difference lies , No . 6 has the need to know which side runs the Village , and who No . 1 is . Those two questions seem to lie very heavily with No . 6 . How is it that No . 2 's arrive in the Village , yes I know by helicopter . But how are they selected , and from where ? One possible source of course would be the British Civil Service , and selected for their administrative and interrogative abilities . No . 2 must be trusted as they are allowed to leave the Village after their term of office . How do we know this ? Well three No . 2 's are brought back for a second term of office , one of whom in ' Once Upon A time ' states " You can say what you like . You brought me back here , " which suggests this No . 2 has been away from the Village . And we know that it is possible for No . 2 to leave the Village and go on a spell of " leave , " and then return voluntarily to the Village to carry on with his term of office , until the day of his retirement that is . However this gentleman on the left is not at all happy at being brought back to the Village . He is obviously in a bad mood , sniping at the Butler to remove his breakfast , tells the Butler to leave the coffee , " the coffee leave it ! " He 's even sniping at No . 1 on the telephone , telling him to remove the membranic Village Guardian which had secreted itself in No . 2 's chair , and declaring to Number 1 that he 's not an inmate ! And this time they do it his way , or No . 1 can get somebody else ! He is obviously in a place he didn 't want to be , which suggests that he had no say in the matter . Perhaps he had to be abducted back to the Village , in order to force him into a second term of office ! In A Fistful of Dollars he was called Joe , by the old undertaker . In For A Few Dollars More the name Manco was used . And in The Good , The Bad , and The Ugly he was called Blondie , a nickname surely . But then what 's in a name ? This man is known as the Prisoner , Number Six , or simply Six ! So it would seem that these two characters have a good deal in common . Save for the fact that the Man With No Name is a born killer , and the other has probably had enough of killing - well that 's why he handed in both his badge and gun , not to mention his horse ! I count only two ! There 's No . 48 who represents uncoordinated youth , rebelling against nothing it can define . No . 6 , or Sir as he became to be addressed , he with his private war ! The " late " No . 2 , a successful , and secure member of the Establishment , who is accused of biting the hand that feeds - so when did No . 2 do that then ? He was loyal right up to the end , even to the point of putting his life on the line ! This man did revolt , rebel , but not until the end , when he decided that if he must die , that he would die with his own mind and spits in the electronic eye of No . 1 ! No . 48 , wears funny clothes , a Jester 's bell about his neck which he frequently rings . Certainly the delegates of the Assembly certainly like his singing and dancing , in fact they join in with him . But No . 48 is not the only funny entertainer , the " late " No . 2 opens his address with a funny thing happened to me . . . . . on my way here , ha , ha , ha , ha ! So is Fall Out nothing more than a pantomime , which the viewer has to make some sense of ? Well you have woken up in the comfort of your own bed . You have enjoyed a breakfast , and now you are about to go off to work , or staying at home looking after the children then going out shopping , well whatever you are doing today , while you are doing it spare a thought for No . 6 . He didn 't wake up in bed , he woke up { after perhaps 4 hours sleep } aboard his raft , all alone in the middle of an ocean ! He might have had a shave , using cold water . Breakfasted on cold baked beans and corned beef out of tins , went to the toilet in a bucket , or over the side . He is faced with a second day at sea , fighting the elements , the cold , and the loneliness . He is already wet , tired , and cold , and this is only day two of his voyage of discovery ! Oh and while No . 6 was sleeping for 4 hours , what kept his raft on the north easterly course ? He has no self steering gear , no drift anchor to keep the raft on course . During those 4 hours No . 6 was asleep that raft would have drifted miles and miles off course , carried along by the tide and currents . " Light blue . . . . fearless . . . . or are you ? Each man his his breaking point you know , you are no exception { No . 2 pokes No . 6 's forehead with the tip of his sword } ah you react . Are you afraid of me ? " Well I ask you , who wouldn 't react with the tip of a blade poking your forhead ? But just a minute , I though the psychiatrist report in the previous episode said that No . 6 showed a negative reaction to pain ! And anyway how is it No . 2 was able to smuggle that sword shooting stick into the Village ? And why did he think he would be in need of it in the first place ? Do Not Forsake Me Oh My Darling It is such a pity that Vincent Tilsley 's script for this particular episode was edited so much after he 'd written it - because to Vincent Tilsley 's mind they had made the script far worse , and more confusing than it was originally , or words to that effect . To be perfectly honest I am not one for reading scripts , yet having glanced through the script Face Unknown which was the original title for this episode , the episode would have ended up far more enjoyable for the viewer if director David Tomblin and co had not edited Tilsley 's script . For example ; it would appear that before the Prisoner was sent back to London , his mind was regressed back to the day of " crisis , " to the day of the Prisoner 's resignation - a most important moment in time . Originally we would have seen the Prisoner in his London home on the evening before the day he resigned , wearing his dressing gown as he settles himself down to write his letter of resignation - and having finished he places his resignation letter on the mantelpiece and retires to bed . The mind of the Prisoner having had been erased right back to the day before he resigned . { Well I would say that plenty has changed ! } The Prisoner stuffs the letter into his pocket and heads for the door . " It 's all the same . Why should I think it 's different ? " The door opens violently and we see feet hurrying down the steps as the Prisoner hurries towards his parked Lotus 7 . A hand opens the door , and he gets into the drivers seat , and the engine is fired into life and revved up . " Of course it seems different . Of course . Things are different . Because - I - am - resigning ! Now ! " " Whatever they 're doing they can 't stop me . I 'm going to resign . They can 't stop me . . . . they ? Who are they ? " What 's ' more , we see in the episode a patient in the amnesia room , an agent lying on a table , who gave them all the information No . 2 wanted . Later all unpleasant memories of the village would be erased from the agents mind , so that later he can be returned to the outside world in order to gather more information . . . . . . . And that 's what they had originally done to the Prisoner , erased all unpleasant memories of the Village , and released him in the outside world - so as to find Professor Seltzman , Professor Jacob Seltzman , and bring him back to the Village !
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We kick off this time around with something futuristic from ' A B & C , ' those film cassettes of ' A ' ' B ' ' C ' and of Engadines party . A single reel of 8mm film in a plastic cassette , I wonder how that works then ? Because its not reel to reel as in the case with film of this kind . Wuring Once Upon A Time No . 6 admitted to No . 2 that he 's the boss " He thinks you 're the boss " said No . 2 . " I am " No . 6 replies . " I 'm No . 2 . I 'm the boss . " " No . 1 's the boss " No . 6 responds . But this is conflicting , because does No . 6 realise he is No . 1 ? Because after the Supervisor - No . 28 has entered the Embryo room he asks No . 6 what he desires , and No . 6 says " No . 1 . " In ' Arrival ' a Village citizen is attacked by the Village Guardian , either suffoctaed to death , or simply into unconsciousness . In that scene , there is a slight mistake , as the man in the striped jersey turns into a man wearing a oink blazer , that man in No . 100 { Mark Eden } of ' It 's Your Funeral . ' The question is not why that few seconds of film of No . 100 being suffocted by the Village Guardian from ' It 's Your Funeral . ' But why was No . 100 supposed to have been attacked by the Village Guardian in the first place ? ! During the episode of ' It 's Your Funeral ' No . 100 exchanged No . 6 's wrist watch whist No . 6 was taking part in a Kosho match . When No . 6 returned to his locker his watch had stopped . He didn 't realise that it wasn 't actually his own watch , shouldn 't he have noticed this ? After all , No . 6 is supposed to have a strong sense of identity , and that you won 't catch him out on his possessions . Apart from the fact that No . 2 in ' Arrival ' wears the same Village attire as No . 6 , I have always wondered why this new No . 2 wears a piped blazer , while all the others , save for female No . 2 's and No . 2 of ' Free For All , ' No . 2 generally wears double or single breasted plain blazers . Wearing a piped blazer makes the new No . 2 of ' Arrival ' stand out amongst his peers , and yet enjoys such a short term of office ! But I suppose the only No . 2 to show any real individualistic tendencies is No . 2 of ' Free for All . ' His jacket is a beige colour , and something unusual , cuffs at the end of the sleeves ! 60 Second Interview with No . 1 No . 113 : It wasn 't easy getting an interview with Number One . In fact the journey to this actual point had been a hard and difficult one . But I asked Number One what it had all been about ? " Ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha . " " Alright , have it your own way . But if you ask me finding out that Number One is supposed to be Number Six was pretty disappointing , if not predictable such is the strength of the man 's egomania . And in that , I reject both you and your Village ! " After a routine check - up at the opticians at the hospital , it appears that the doctor has been carrying out a further experiment on the patient . It appears that an operation to remove a cataract from the patients left eye . However during this operation a new drug developed by the ' Chemist & Research ' department , was used for the first time . A matter of hours later , as the patient was in ward ' A ' that a development occurred which so far the doctors have been unable to explain , it is this . The patient is able to see through his eyelids ! The operation together with the newly developed drug has in effect given the patient X - Ray vision . The doctor - No . 40 has taken over the case , having the patient removed to a side ward . Reports have it that the doctor - No . 40 has stepped up the treatment upon the patient , with an increase of the drug , and subsequent dosage . This has caused the eyesight of the patient to intensify his X - Ray vision . At first he could only see through the uniforms of the hospital staff , then through the uniform , skin and bone . And as the treatment was increased , both the walls and roof of the hospital disappeared . In order to give the patient some relief from the effects of X - Ray vision , because it was having a destabilising effect upon the patient , heavy duty thick lead lined goggles were quickly made . And to some extent this has had a stabilising effect on the patient , by cutting down the effects of the X - Ray vision . Just how far the doctor will be allowed to go with this experiment remains to be seen . As for the eyesight of the patient , it is somewhat perplexing as to just what he might he might be seeing and to the extent of that sight . The doctor - No . 40 is arguing the point , that he must take this experiment on , this to identify just what the patient is seeing . If taken all the way he might just be able to see through to infinity and back . No . 2 of ' The Schizoid Man , ' so confident , so assured . He failed in one respect , in breaking No . 6 , but succeeded in stopping No . 6 from escaping the village . But even though this man is very clever , why did he need to use passwords when it came to identifying No . 6 and his twin No . 12 ? After all both were wearing different blazers , No . 6 his regular dark blazer , and No . 6 a cream blazer ! Also who did he become friends with Curtis in the first place ? And was he aware of Curtis 's look - a - alike features to No . 6 in a previous to their arrival in the village ? No . 24 - Alison betrayed No . 6 , although she wanted him to know that given a second chance she wouldn 't do it again . Just when and how she befriended No . 6 in the first place is unknown . she was either put up to it by No . 2 , either that or No . 2 got the idea for the plan through observation of No . 6 's friendly help and quite obvious mental connection with No . 24 . No . 12 of Administration , assistant to No . 2 during his term of office in The General . No . 12 doesn 't care for the Professor , the General , or Speedlearn . He helps No . 6 by supplying him with the Professors lecture about the General on micro tape , two security pass discs , and the uniform of a Top - Hat official . He also tries to save the Professors life at the end , but dies in the attempt . Or did No . 12 commit suicide by clinging onto the Professor , and thus making it look like he was trying to save the Professors life ? Did you know that Patrick McGoohan was offered the role of Simon Templer - the Saint , before Roger Moore ? And did you know that Patrick McGoohan turned down that role of the Saint simply because of the car which was going to be used in the ITC series called The saint , the car being a Volvo . When in the actual novels written by Leslie Charteris , Simon Templer drove a car of the country he visited . Roland Walter Dutton , the Court Jester . For he is the man who the Prisoner thought would be the best person placed to say the things which needed to be said at The Prisoner 's trial . Why ? Because in the days of yesteryear when the Kings and Queens had their own personal Court Jester , it was the Jester who could get away with telling how things really were , political commentary against the King say , without any harm coming to the Jester , because the Jester does it through comedy . So perhaps the Prisoner had seen Roland Walter Dutton dressed in the costume of a Court Jester , and thought that Dutton as the Jester might just get away with saying the things which needed to be said ! Well he 's still out there having reached day seven , that 's six days and six nights all alone at sea . He 's a very resilient man our Number 6 . We see here that he has been keeping a basic ships log of his voyage , the number of days , and his position at that time of day . I wonder how he knows his position without the use of a sextant ? He 'll know the time by his wrist watch , unless of course sea water gets into it , then it will stop ! I wonder how Number 6 is feeling this morning ? Cold , wet , alone ! He 'll still be eating cold food out of tins , lets hope his drinking water lasts . He must he tired , perhaps approaching exhaustion . Here Number 6 almost fell asleep at the helm of his craft , that will never do . So far Number 6 has experienced fair winds , but should a storm develop , then he 'll be in real trouble . And still no safety line rigged , if he was to get swept overboard , separated from his raft , he 'll drown ! At best without warm dry clothing he 'll die from hyperthermia and exposure ! His clothes soaked with sea water will harden and stick to his skin . The Village Administration must have been mad to allow their prize prisoner Number 6 to be put through this ordeal , they could so easily lose Number 6 ! Such are the realities of the current situation . And so it is that Number 6 must face yet another day all alone at sea , the way it has been for the past six days and nights . It would terrify me I know that , what about you ? Mind you I forgot that Number 6 is made of sterner stuff , but then again he has to be ! I remember how once at a Prisoner Convention at Portmeirion , I went into the shop called " Pot Jam , " I went in to purchase something I forget what . The woman behind the counter asked me if I understood everything about ' the Prisoner ? ' I looked at her and said by " no , no I don 't . " She said how refreshing it was to hear that , as many fans of ' the Prisoner ' she had spoken to said they all understood everything about ' the Prisoner . ' Yes , I can understand that , after all it 's not the done thing to appear not to be one of the crowd , to be seen to admit that unlike the majority who claim to know everything about ' the Prisoner ' you don 't know what the series is all about ! There are certain aspects of ' the Prisoner ' that remain a mystery to me , and others that cannot be understood or explained , and therefore will forever remain a complete and utter mystery ! Well he once worked for NATO security , then British Intelligence department MI9 . So I suppose he could be made a plant here in the Village , to winkle out the dissidents and Unmutuals ! On a more mundane level seeing as he built his own Lotus 7 kit car , he might be a motor mechanic , serviceing the fleet of Village taxis ! You know , well no you don 't know , I am constantly being surprised by the way people see ' the Prisoner . ' In an email from a friend who described ' the Prisoner ' as a 17 piece puzzle . Now we all know that ' the Prisoner ' is a conundrum , enigmatic , a puzzlement , but this is the first time in all my years of appreciation for ' the Prisoner ' that anyone has called it a 17 piece puzzle , but it is an apt description . Well that 's hardly a break through I hear you scream , we know ' the Prisoner ' is a puzzlement , but what 's the answer ? Well that is for each and everyone of us to arrive at , after all ' the Prisoner ' means what it is , and not what we strive to make it . Number 2 once wrote on a blackboard find missing link , I suppose that would be the reason behind the Prisoner 's resignation . But that cat won 't jump anymore , because we know why the Prisoner resigned , " for peace of mind , because too many people know too much . " And what does that tell us ? It tells us that the Prisoner had a conscience . Well having discovered the missing link , what do we do now ? Put it together , well that 's all well and good , but how do you put the 17 piece puzzle called ' the Prisoner ' together , when so many of the pieces are missing ? Like the Prisoner 's name for instance , the job he resigned from . Why did he refuse to kill ? Were both the Colonel and Fotheringay really traitors ? Who was Nadia Rakovsky going to report to ? Not the Colonel , he was all too aware of how things went during the chimes of Big Ben ! Exactly what is the Village Guardian ? Which side runs the Village ? It 's run by one side or the other , perhaps both ! Whose side is the Prisoner on ? He says he 's on the side of the Village , but seeing as we cannot be too sure which side that is …… possibly that of the British , or both . And yet the Village is an International community , a blueprint for world order , we can clearly see the problem ! The only way open to any of us , which gives us a chance of " putting it together , " can be through interpretation , speculation , and theorisation . And that can lead one down so many different avenues , making it so easy to get lost that you lose the train of thought you were following in the first place . However neither speculation and interpretation makes for the perfect scenario . Speculation is not fact , and how are we to know that what we interpret is the correct interpretation ? More than that ' the Prisoner ' can be interpreted in so many ways , Patrick McGoohan himself said a much , " That one thousand people can interpret the series in one thousand separate ways , and each one would be right , " or words to that effect . So that leaves us with theorisation , again one can theorise as much as one wishes , but that gets us nowhere . What 's more , the deeper one delves into ' the Prisoner , ' the more complicated it becomes . In order to " put it together , " one must have the facts . We know that a man resigns his job for peace of mind , because too many people know too much ! There is the Village where people turn up , people who have a certain kind of knowledge inside their heads which is of great value to one side or the other . People in the Village are there to either have that knowledge extracted , or protected . That everyone is a number . That there is no escape . And even with the basic facts , there is no - way that one can put it together , for there is much we cannot possibly know . Perhaps I am looking at it from the wrong angle . Perhaps the puzzle has already been put together , perhaps not to our own personal liking , in the 17 episodes that go to make up ' the Prisoner . ' That we as television viewers , and as fans of the ' Prisoner , ' try too hard to dissect the series first , and then attempt to put it together again in order to make sense of it all , something which all the Kings horses and all the Kings men could not do ! Oh I am fully aware that I am one of the worst for theorising , interpreting , analysing , and scrutinising ' the Prisoner ' to death . But you see it has become my lot in life to do so , as anyone who reads my ' Prisoner ' blog will tell you . And yet I assure you that you and I are not alone , there are plenty of fans of ' the Prisoner ' the world over who are doing just the same . Individuals who like me , are fascinated by the television series created by one Patrick McGoohan . Be seeing you " Why don 't you sit down sir and have a nice cup of hot chocolate . You 're all stressed out sir . Sit down and relax , while I call Number Two . " Jamming And believe you me , we 're not talking domestic science here , but Jammers who like nothing more than messing up the system ! I 'd heard that No . 118 , an eccentric artist , knows much about Jamming . So I went to interview No . 118 , as he worked on the lawn of the Old People 's Home . What they do , these Jammers , is they talk . " " Talk ? " I asked . " They talk about the plots they 've been hatching . " " And what plots may these be ? " I asked . No . 118 was very specific . " Well escapes mostly . But plans and developments for all kinds of mischief . They do it to confuse the observers . The plots they talk about are always make - believe . " " So they never have any intention of escaping ? " I asked . " Not when the plots are always make - believe , but then control can 't know that until they 've checked them out . Used to run themselves ragged investigating the schemes of Jammers . " " used to ? " I asked " Well they don 't bother any more . " { I was curious to know why } . " Well they keep a list of known Jammers , and should anything be picked up by control from one fo these , they just let it ride . " Then technically a Jammer does have the possibility of escape , if he or she came come up with the right plan ! Because if control picked a plan up by a Jammer they would simply ignore it ! Later I spoke to the Watchmakers daughter No . 50 . " Jamming is one of the most important ways of fighting back " No . 50 told me . I asked her if she is a Jammer , but she was reluctant to give an answer . The only trouble with meeting a Jammer , is that you don 't know if your being told the truth , or that your being jammed by the person in question . I think I 'll keep to my jam on toast , it 's not so much of a mouthful to swallow ! Fictionally speaking if we can suppose that No . 2 of ' Hammer Into Anvil ' is that of Thorpe in ' Many Happy Returns , ' who was so keen as to " hammer " No . 6 , then he would not be the first ex - colleague of No . 6 's so to want to do . As No . 2 's assistant during ' The Chimes of Big Ben ' Potter who suggested to No . 2 " There are methods we haven 't used yet , " meaning to break his ex - colleague No . 6 . " He 'll crack " Potter assures his superior , with a wry smile . Then we can also suppose that No . 2 's assistant is in fact Potter seen later in the series as the Colonel 's back - up in ' The Girl Who Was Death . ' Portmeirion , where night time is a magical time , when the atmosphere changes from what it was in the daytime . I stroll quietly through the Village , along streets and along paths , pausing here and there to look in shop windows , before finally retiring for the night . And for those life serving prisoners , they can watch ' The Prisoner ' on Portmeirion 's video channel . Once upon a time , if you wanted to see a film on Portmeirion 's video channel , all you had to do was telephone the hotel reception , ask if they have such a film as you wanted to watch , and if so you could book it for that night . But they don 't do that any more , and so much in Portmeirion has changed . Many of the old ways of Portmeirion have died . THEPRIS6NER , what is it all about ? Thankfully during my time in The Village I never encountered that membranic " thing , " what is it , a guardian ? But there it is , as large as life , proving the fact that the guardian did not die in ' Fall Out . ' But is it all really in the mind ? Does not The Village physically exist ? It 's a poor look out for me , an many others if it doesn 't ! There has been a theory put forward that this new Village has been built on the site of the previous one . That the desert shows that there has been a dramatic climate change , well I don 't subscribe to that particular theory , but a theory it is nonetheless for that . You may think that I 'm crossing over from the one Village to the other , but I assure you that is not the case . People are having their say on THEPRIS6NER , and I simply thought to exercise my right to do so . I was curious . But gratified to see so many echoes of the original series within the new series , and that education was touched on , if ever so briefly . I understand that people are switching off rather than watching THEPRIS6NER , that fans do not like it because it 's not a remake , did they really want a simple remake ? I think that it is very poor to think fans of ' the Prisoner ' have turned their backs on this new series , especially after they have dealt with the complexities of McGoohan 's ' Prisoner . ' I would have thought that to them THEPRIS6NER would have been a piece of cake . But really , is THEPRIS6NER so very different to that of the original ? In my opinion , no , it 's all there , just wrapped up a little differently if you ask me . This final episode was entitled ' Checkmate , ' but I thought that ' Dance of the Dead ' might have been a more fitting title , as much of the episode , what little there was of it , dealt with death of one kind or another . Six was dying , Two 's wife M2 was suffocated to death , not by " Rover " but by her son 11 - 12 and a cushion . 11 - 12 then went and hanged himself in the " Go Inside " Club , and finally Two blew himself up with a hand grenade . But there is a difference with death in The Village . Six didn 't die , we saw that at the end . Two 's wife M2 died in The Village , yet not in the other place in New York , and that was the same fate of Two , who walked off together into the sunset so to speak , both Curtis and his wife Helen finally having escaped The Village . Where as , Six has become the new Two , and 313 chose to accept her fate by taking the pills . They sat in the desert together with the new Two making plans for an even better Village , and 313 with a tear in her eye . What of 11 - 12 ? Well his death by suicide was the only actual death in The Village . And if it had not been for Six accepting the role of the new Two , and 313 deciding to join him because she loves him , The Village , and all the residents would simply have disappeared into one giant hole , oblivion in fact . And the origin of The Village , well it 's all in the mind , Helen 's mind . An experiment into the layers of the subconscious where The Village was created . It 's purpose to take broken people there , broken for whatever reason . Mend them , mentally , and then let them back into the " other " place . In the end Two got what he wanted , or rather Curtis got what he wanted . He got Michael back into the company of Summakor , and as Two got Six to finally accept . And all those flashbacks were not flashbacks at all ! It was people like Michael , Two , and 147 , those people who were brought to The Village , living lives in two places at the same time . I shall have to watch this final episode again to gauge the full effect of it , and see if there was anything I missed . We were certainly short changed by the length of this episode , which in the end was the exact opposite to that of the original series Fall Out . McGoohan wouldn 't have liked it , as Checkmate gave all the answers we the viewer were looking and perhaps hoping for . But short changed ? Yes , because the final episode ' Checkmate ' began as 10 : 20 pm , and concluded around 11 : 10pm , not an hour , not even fifty minutes ! No . 7 's It Doesn 't Really Mean Anything Take the innocent looking Astro or Lava lamp , seen by some to be symbolic , suggestive even . " Suggestive , " wrote one fan , " of the village guardian , Seen to be malevolent , as though it would do you harm if it were ever to escape it close confinement . " Get out of it , and get real for goodness sake . Its a simple Astro or Lava lamp - depending on what you want to call it , its contents oil and wax , which is more soothing and tranquil than it is malevolent ! " No . 7 Hotel Portmeirion must have been a wonderful , quirky place to visit and even to stay as a guest . The date of this postcard is unknown , but probably dates from the 1950 's , but certainly at a time before the open Lido was built - the concrete swimming pool . I wonder if anyone actually used that swimming pool ? I don 't see the young women by the swimming pool in the water ! I should think that No . 2 should follow his own advice , to guard his words carefully ! Mind you , with the failed result of the experiment as " Speedlearn , ' we never see this particular No . 2 again . We never know what happens to an out - going No . 2 , but perhaps he got his wish , to escape ! The Prisoner purchased his car as a kit - car . How long might it have taken the Prisoner to build his Lotus 7 ? An old friend of mine told me that he built his over a weekend ! that doesn 't include the spray job . In ' Dance of the Dead ' No . 6 was put on trial for the possession of a radio . He took that radio from the dead body he found on the beach . If that dead man was No . 34 who we hear from the Supervisor as having died , might not that body found on the beach by No . 6 be No . 34 ? That would mean the obvious question , where did No . 34 get that radio ? ' Dance of the Dead ' is perhaps the darkest of the 17 episodes of ' the Prisoner , ' however I 'm not always sure what was achieved with the episode . After all No . 6 might have been sentenced to death , but its certain that that sentence to be carried out by the people in the name of justice , would never have been carried out . Justice indeed , it was more like mob rule . The people acting like a lynch mob ! The white membranic mass of the Village Guardian , keep the citizens in line . It stops anyone from attempting to escape , it keeps them at bay . And yet , isn 't it also that a Guardian protects , protects the people against themselves , as well as the Village as a whole . The Prisoner said that it was a matter of conscience , that he resigned for peace of mind . Seeing as how No . 1 and No . 6 are supposed to be the alter ego of the other , and if we carry this through the whole series , then perhaps No . 6 didn 't like what was being done in the Village , and decided in ' Fall Out ' that he didn 't want any more of it . And so having returned to London , he went off to hand in his resignation just as soon as he could . During ' Fall Out , ' the Village was evacuated . But where did everyone go ? It was remarkable that such an evacuation was carried out in so short a time . Did the evacuation include all the patients in the hospital , and the folk in the Old People 's Home ? And so many helicopters brought in to almost instant use during that evacuation ! Just how many French Alouette helicopters did the Village have ? It is quite obvious that the Prisoner is trapped in a vicious circle . The question is how to break that vicious circle ? I suppose that would all depend on how much the Prisoner remembered from the first time . He might for example remember not to trust either Nadia or the Colonel . He might choose not to resign a second time , or at the very least take both his suitcases , passport and airline ticket with him when he goes to hand in his resignation . That way he need not go home , and can drive straight to the airport from that underground car park ! Does The Village Really Exist ? Is The Village an actual physical place , or is it purely all in the mind ? If it is , it 's a sad lookout for those who live here , and that includes me ! If The Village is a figment of someone 's over active imagination , in whose mind was The Village created , and who is controlling it now ? My money is on the Prisoner , and by that I mean this fellow No . 6 . Is No . 6 mad ? Well not according to our records he isn 't . But then again , if The Village and everything in it , is but a figment of No . 6 's over active imagination , then he would have written his psychiatric report himself , wouldn 't he ? And if that 's the case , No . 6 must be writing this now , but through me ! I wonder if I 'm a cardboard cut - out sat motionless at my desk , the editor might be of that opinion ! But if The Village is the creation of one man 's mind , then he must be mad , as mad as a Hatter ! After all who would create such a Village in which the creator is persecuted , abused , interrogated , and medically experimented on , on a daily basis ? Well perhaps someone with a persecution complex , who wants to suffer , but who knows just how far he wants to go . After all no harm must come to No . 6 , he doesn 't want to end up a man of fragments , the tissue must remain undamaged . And that would explain why No . 2 is allowed to go only so far in gaining the reason behind No . 6 's resignation . It 's been tried before , and now they 've tried it again , it didn 't work then , and it didn 't work now . They gave me love , in the form of 4 - 15 , both here in The Village and in New York with Lucy , and then took it away . In fact they went further , they murdered Lucy , at the precise same moment 4 - 15 threw herself into that hole , into oblivion . Can two people be in two places at the same time ? Is one place a dream ? If both places are a dream , then I 'm in serious trouble ! I 've no idea what Two means by finding the Six within , but I do know that they come for you in the night , when you 're asleep . I know it , and I want 313 to help me . But I 'm not sure she can , because to do that she would have to betray Two , and I don 't think 313 's up to that . 313 loves me , she stopped the wedding by kissing me , and really spoilt Two 's plan . Two thinks love and family life are the answer to everything . But what would Two know about family love , look how he treats his own family ! 11 - 12 is already suspicious , and is quietly going against his father , I wonder how far 11 - 12 will go against him ? Number Six 's jacket seen in most episodes is the one with broken piping on the lapel . There is however a second blazer , similar to the first , except it has continuous piping around the lapel . This second blazer represents a continuity flaw within the whole series . It has been asked over the years whether or not this second jacket was an internal costume decision . This seems unlikely and was probably overlooked that the second jacket was not identical to the first . Thus while the one with broken piping would be cleaned , by a lady in Portmadog , after a day of rolling about on the beach , the second one would come into play for less energetic scenes . The General - this is the second episode to feature Colin Gordon as No . 2 , although his other episode A B & C , was in fact filmed later . The credit 's give Joshua Adam as the writer , this being the pen name of Lewis Griefer . For the first time in the series the metal corridors , which lie beneath The Village , appear , as do the American style military guards , who return in later episodes . Also re - used is the Council Chamber from Free For All . This was the basic interior set used to represent No . 2 's Operations Room , the Control Room and the Labour Exchange , plus the laboratory in A B & C . Education was a newsworthy issue in the mid - sixties , with student ' sit - ins ' being all the rage . However , the main thrust of the story was to give a warning about the danger of technology , when it is used for learning . If people are fed data which has not been arranged or edited , that will become fixed with the information and will have less freedom of thought , as their mental spectrum has been narrowed . Today is the fourth day No . 6 has been at sea , seen here shaving , well that won 't last much longer ! Mind you our friend here is most resilient and his ingenuity knows no bounds , as he constructs a home - made compass . It must be extremely difficult knowing where you are sailing to , because he doesn 't know where he is sailing from ! But I expect having been confined for several months in the Village , that almost any place is better then being back there ! I wonder how our friend here is feeling ? Tired , well he wouldn 't get much sleep perched on that thing would he , four hours if he 's lucky ! Cold , wet well he has no waterproof or warm clothing ! And in need of a hot drink and meal , and possibly beginning to feel the strain of loneliness . If I were No . 6 , I 'd have a safety line rigged , the raft to one end , and he to the other . Well if there should be a sudden heavy sea develop and a high wind , well No . 6 looks to be in a very vulnerable place right now . Once he 's into the Atlantic , possibly with tides and currents , No . 6 might find his raft drifting into the Bay of Biscay , and in there waves get up to 65 feet ! This is the look of a man who has had his hopes of escape dashed at the final moment . To think that " they " had put No . 6 through all that had work . Felling trees , clearing them of their branches , cutting them to length - collecting oil drums , emptying them , and finally to construct his sea - going raft . To provision his vessel , take photographic evidence of the Village , to be stopped at the last minute . This just shows " their " cruelty ! Ah but then . . . . . . . . . One might say that this man , No . 28 a Supervisor , is a large cog in the machine . He is dedicated to his task , and is rarely seen outside the confines of the Control Room , and such is his importance he is never heard to be referred to by his number , but by his title " Supervisor . " What 's more actor Peter Swanwick is a fourth constant within ' the Prisoner ' series , along with Patrick McGoohan , Angelo Muscat , and the white mass of the Village Guardian . The Colonel who is gratified at being seconded to the village . What 's more he mentions No . 1 at the end . So certainly the Colonel is working for the village , although he doesn 't look very happy to actually be there . The Colonel was once in the Guards , he wears the Guards tie as Sir Charles still wears his old Estonian tie ! No . 2 , who probably suffered the second most disastrous result since No . 2 witnessed the self - destruction of the General , together with the deaths of both the Professor and No . 12 of administration ! Only with this No . 2 the Colonel died , and Doctor Jacob Seltzman actually escaped the village . As far as we know Doctor Seltzamn was the first ever to escape the village , before or since ! Janet Portland fiancée to the Prisoner - No . 6 , who had no idea if he was alive or dead . Sent on a mission by her father Sir Charles Portland or not ! Mind you she never once used his name , not even in his presence at her birthday party , which she took very well all things considered , her fiancé in another man 's body ! Apparently No . 2 can never remember " One lump or two ? " " It 's in the file " No . 6 suggests . " Yes , as a matter of fact yes . But it would take time . . . . . . . " " Why ? Are you running out of time ? " No . 6 asks . No . 2 just wanted No . 6 to give something away , but being thwarted in his frustration he checks No . 6 's file " Does not take sugar - frightened of putting on weight No . 6 ? " " No , nor of being reduced ! " he quips . But in the episode of ' Free For All ' during an interview with the Manager of the Labour Exchange we learn that No . 6 gave up sugar four years and three months , before his abduction to the village , on medical advice . So I wonder if the Prisoner - No . 6 is actually a diabetic ? We never see No . 6 injecting himself with insulin , so if he is diabetic , it would have to be Type 2 and not Type 1 - Type 2 is where the subject is overweight , No . 6 doesn 't look to be over weight , but you can never tell I suppose , having to watch they eat , and be put on a diet , with no sugar ! ' The Chimes of Big Ben ' and No . 6 is escaping the village along with No . 8 - Nadia , sealed in a crate together . First by sea to Gdansk , then by air to Copenhagen , and by air again to London , a journey which will take 12 hours . And indeed we see that there is road travel by lorry , then the crate is loaded aboard a ship , and later the crate is put on as freight on an aircraft . But of course these scenes are simply for the television viewer , and does not actually take place . What precisely happens can only be open to interpretation , yet this is how my friend interpreted what actually happens to that crate with Nadia and No . 6 sealed inside . Its easy to imagine this crate with two people inside , set on a rig which can imitate the motion of a ship , and aircraft , the crate lifted up and swung about as though being loaded and off loaded . With sound equipment to give audio sound effects which would actually be heard by the two people inside the crate during the supposed journey . In fact none of the journey actually takes place , well apart from having the crate wheeled on a trolley into the Colonel 's office , but even that bit is faked ! Then we come to Living In Harmony in which No . 8 strangles No . 22 to death with his bare hands , and then commits suicide by throwing himself off the balcony in the Silver Dollar Saloon . But really there is no evidence to prove that No . 22 was actually strangled to death , because as No . 6 knelt at her side No . 22 was able to speak , she said " I wish it had been real , " so No . 22 was alive when No . 6 arrived on the scene . Had No . 22 been strangled by No . 8 she would have been unable to speak . I mean No . 22 was either strangled to death , or she wasn 't , there is no two ways about it . " I know too much . We 're both lifers . I am definately an optimist , that 's why it doesn 't matter who No . 1 is . It doesn 't matter which side runs the Village . . . . . . " and it is at that point where the difference lies , No . 6 has the need to know which side runs the Village , and who No . 1 is . Those two questions seem to lie very heavily with No . 6 . How is it that No . 2 's arrive in the Village , yes I know by helicopter . But how are they selected , and from where ? One possible source of course would be the British Civil Service , and selected for their administrative and interrogative abilities . No . 2 must be trusted as they are allowed to leave the Village after their term of office . How do we know this ? Well three No . 2 's are brought back for a second term of office , one of whom in ' Once Upon A time ' states " You can say what you like . You brought me back here , " which suggests this No . 2 has been away from the Village . And we know that it is possible for No . 2 to leave the Village and go on a spell of " leave , " and then return voluntarily to the Village to carry on with his term of office , until the day of his retirement that is . However this gentleman on the left is not at all happy at being brought back to the Village . He is obviously in a bad mood , sniping at the Butler to remove his breakfast , tells the Butler to leave the coffee , " the coffee leave it ! " He 's even sniping at No . 1 on the telephone , telling him to remove the membranic Village Guardian which had secreted itself in No . 2 's chair , and declaring to Number 1 that he 's not an inmate ! And this time they do it his way , or No . 1 can get somebody else ! He is obviously in a place he didn 't want to be , which suggests that he had no say in the matter . Perhaps he had to be abducted back to the Village , in order to force him into a second term of office ! In A Fistful of Dollars he was called Joe , by the old undertaker . In For A Few Dollars More the name Manco was used . And in The Good , The Bad , and The Ugly he was called Blondie , a nickname surely . But then what 's in a name ? This man is known as the Prisoner , Number Six , or simply Six ! So it would seem that these two characters have a good deal in common . Save for the fact that the Man With No Name is a born killer , and the other has probably had enough of killing - well that 's why he handed in both his badge and gun , not to mention his horse ! I count only two ! There 's No . 48 who represents uncoordinated youth , rebelling against nothing it can define . No . 6 , or Sir as he became to be addressed , he with his private war ! The " late " No . 2 , a successful , and secure member of the Establishment , who is accused of biting the hand that feeds - so when did No . 2 do that then ? He was loyal right up to the end , even to the point of putting his life on the line ! This man did revolt , rebel , but not until the end , when he decided that if he must die , that he would die with his own mind and spits in the electronic eye of No . 1 ! No . 48 , wears funny clothes , a Jester 's bell about his neck which he frequently rings . Certainly the delegates of the Assembly certainly like his singing and dancing , in fact they join in with him . But No . 48 is not the only funny entertainer , the " late " No . 2 opens his address with a funny thing happened to me . . . . . on my way here , ha , ha , ha , ha ! So is Fall Out nothing more than a pantomime , which the viewer has to make some sense of ? Well you have woken up in the comfort of your own bed . You have enjoyed a breakfast , and now you are about to go off to work , or staying at home looking after the children then going out shopping , well whatever you are doing today , while you are doing it spare a thought for No . 6 . He didn 't wake up in bed , he woke up { after perhaps 4 hours sleep } aboard his raft , all alone in the middle of an ocean ! He might have had a shave , using cold water . Breakfasted on cold baked beans and corned beef out of tins , went to the toilet in a bucket , or over the side . He is faced with a second day at sea , fighting the elements , the cold , and the loneliness . He is already wet , tired , and cold , and this is only day two of his voyage of discovery ! Oh and while No . 6 was sleeping for 4 hours , what kept his raft on the north easterly course ? He has no self steering gear , no drift anchor to keep the raft on course . During those 4 hours No . 6 was asleep that raft would have drifted miles and miles off course , carried along by the tide and currents . " Light blue . . . . fearless . . . . or are you ? Each man his his breaking point you know , you are no exception { No . 2 pokes No . 6 's forehead with the tip of his sword } ah you react . Are you afraid of me ? " Well I ask you , who wouldn 't react with the tip of a blade poking your forhead ? But just a minute , I though the psychiatrist report in the previous episode said that No . 6 showed a negative reaction to pain ! And anyway how is it No . 2 was able to smuggle that sword shooting stick into the Village ? And why did he think he would be in need of it in the first place ? Do Not Forsake Me Oh My Darling It is such a pity that Vincent Tilsley 's script for this particular episode was edited so much after he 'd written it - because to Vincent Tilsley 's mind they had made the script far worse , and more confusing than it was originally , or words to that effect . To be perfectly honest I am not one for reading scripts , yet having glanced through the script Face Unknown which was the original title for this episode , the episode would have ended up far more enjoyable for the viewer if director David Tomblin and co had not edited Tilsley 's script . For example ; it would appear that before the Prisoner was sent back to London , his mind was regressed back to the day of " crisis , " to the day of the Prisoner 's resignation - a most important moment in time . Originally we would have seen the Prisoner in his London home on the evening before the day he resigned , wearing his dressing gown as he settles himself down to write his letter of resignation - and having finished he places his resignation letter on the mantelpiece and retires to bed . The mind of the Prisoner having had been erased right back to the day before he resigned . { Well I would say that plenty has changed ! } The Prisoner stuffs the letter into his pocket and heads for the door . " It 's all the same . Why should I think it 's different ? " The door opens violently and we see feet hurrying down the steps as the Prisoner hurries towards his parked Lotus 7 . A hand opens the door , and he gets into the drivers seat , and the engine is fired into life and revved up . " Of course it seems different . Of course . Things are different . Because - I - am - resigning ! Now ! " " Whatever they 're doing they can 't stop me . I 'm going to resign . They can 't stop me . . . . they ? Who are they ? " What 's ' more , we see in the episode a patient in the amnesia room , an agent lying on a table , who gave them all the information No . 2 wanted . Later all unpleasant memories of the village would be erased from the agents mind , so that later he can be returned to the outside world in order to gather more information . . . . . . . And that 's what they had originally done to the Prisoner , erased all unpleasant memories of the Village , and released him in the outside world - so as to find Professor Seltzman , Professor Jacob Seltzman , and bring him back to the Village !
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We kick off this time around with something futuristic from ' A B & C , ' those film cassettes of ' A ' ' B ' ' C ' and of Engadines party . A single reel of 8mm film in a plastic cassette , I wonder how that works then ? Because its not reel to reel as in the case with film of this kind . Wuring Once Upon A Time No . 6 admitted to No . 2 that he 's the boss " He thinks you 're the boss " said No . 2 . " I am " No . 6 replies . " I 'm No . 2 . I 'm the boss . " " No . 1 's the boss " No . 6 responds . But this is conflicting , because does No . 6 realise he is No . 1 ? Because after the Supervisor - No . 28 has entered the Embryo room he asks No . 6 what he desires , and No . 6 says " No . 1 . " In ' Arrival ' a Village citizen is attacked by the Village Guardian , either suffoctaed to death , or simply into unconsciousness . In that scene , there is a slight mistake , as the man in the striped jersey turns into a man wearing a oink blazer , that man in No . 100 { Mark Eden } of ' It 's Your Funeral . ' The question is not why that few seconds of film of No . 100 being suffocted by the Village Guardian from ' It 's Your Funeral . ' But why was No . 100 supposed to have been attacked by the Village Guardian in the first place ? ! During the episode of ' It 's Your Funeral ' No . 100 exchanged No . 6 's wrist watch whist No . 6 was taking part in a Kosho match . When No . 6 returned to his locker his watch had stopped . He didn 't realise that it wasn 't actually his own watch , shouldn 't he have noticed this ? After all , No . 6 is supposed to have a strong sense of identity , and that you won 't catch him out on his possessions . Apart from the fact that No . 2 in ' Arrival ' wears the same Village attire as No . 6 , I have always wondered why this new No . 2 wears a piped blazer , while all the others , save for female No . 2 's and No . 2 of ' Free For All , ' No . 2 generally wears double or single breasted plain blazers . Wearing a piped blazer makes the new No . 2 of ' Arrival ' stand out amongst his peers , and yet enjoys such a short term of office ! But I suppose the only No . 2 to show any real individualistic tendencies is No . 2 of ' Free for All . ' His jacket is a beige colour , and something unusual , cuffs at the end of the sleeves ! 60 Second Interview with No . 1 No . 113 : It wasn 't easy getting an interview with Number One . In fact the journey to this actual point had been a hard and difficult one . But I asked Number One what it had all been about ? " Ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha , ha . " " Alright , have it your own way . But if you ask me finding out that Number One is supposed to be Number Six was pretty disappointing , if not predictable such is the strength of the man 's egomania . And in that , I reject both you and your Village ! " After a routine check - up at the opticians at the hospital , it appears that the doctor has been carrying out a further experiment on the patient . It appears that an operation to remove a cataract from the patients left eye . However during this operation a new drug developed by the ' Chemist & Research ' department , was used for the first time . A matter of hours later , as the patient was in ward ' A ' that a development occurred which so far the doctors have been unable to explain , it is this . The patient is able to see through his eyelids ! The operation together with the newly developed drug has in effect given the patient X - Ray vision . The doctor - No . 40 has taken over the case , having the patient removed to a side ward . Reports have it that the doctor - No . 40 has stepped up the treatment upon the patient , with an increase of the drug , and subsequent dosage . This has caused the eyesight of the patient to intensify his X - Ray vision . At first he could only see through the uniforms of the hospital staff , then through the uniform , skin and bone . And as the treatment was increased , both the walls and roof of the hospital disappeared . In order to give the patient some relief from the effects of X - Ray vision , because it was having a destabilising effect upon the patient , heavy duty thick lead lined goggles were quickly made . And to some extent this has had a stabilising effect on the patient , by cutting down the effects of the X - Ray vision . Just how far the doctor will be allowed to go with this experiment remains to be seen . As for the eyesight of the patient , it is somewhat perplexing as to just what he might he might be seeing and to the extent of that sight . The doctor - No . 40 is arguing the point , that he must take this experiment on , this to identify just what the patient is seeing . If taken all the way he might just be able to see through to infinity and back . No . 2 of ' The Schizoid Man , ' so confident , so assured . He failed in one respect , in breaking No . 6 , but succeeded in stopping No . 6 from escaping the village . But even though this man is very clever , why did he need to use passwords when it came to identifying No . 6 and his twin No . 12 ? After all both were wearing different blazers , No . 6 his regular dark blazer , and No . 6 a cream blazer ! Also who did he become friends with Curtis in the first place ? And was he aware of Curtis 's look - a - alike features to No . 6 in a previous to their arrival in the village ? No . 24 - Alison betrayed No . 6 , although she wanted him to know that given a second chance she wouldn 't do it again . Just when and how she befriended No . 6 in the first place is unknown . she was either put up to it by No . 2 , either that or No . 2 got the idea for the plan through observation of No . 6 's friendly help and quite obvious mental connection with No . 24 . No . 12 of Administration , assistant to No . 2 during his term of office in The General . No . 12 doesn 't care for the Professor , the General , or Speedlearn . He helps No . 6 by supplying him with the Professors lecture about the General on micro tape , two security pass discs , and the uniform of a Top - Hat official . He also tries to save the Professors life at the end , but dies in the attempt . Or did No . 12 commit suicide by clinging onto the Professor , and thus making it look like he was trying to save the Professors life ? Did you know that Patrick McGoohan was offered the role of Simon Templer - the Saint , before Roger Moore ? And did you know that Patrick McGoohan turned down that role of the Saint simply because of the car which was going to be used in the ITC series called The saint , the car being a Volvo . When in the actual novels written by Leslie Charteris , Simon Templer drove a car of the country he visited . Roland Walter Dutton , the Court Jester . For he is the man who the Prisoner thought would be the best person placed to say the things which needed to be said at The Prisoner 's trial . Why ? Because in the days of yesteryear when the Kings and Queens had their own personal Court Jester , it was the Jester who could get away with telling how things really were , political commentary against the King say , without any harm coming to the Jester , because the Jester does it through comedy . So perhaps the Prisoner had seen Roland Walter Dutton dressed in the costume of a Court Jester , and thought that Dutton as the Jester might just get away with saying the things which needed to be said ! Well he 's still out there having reached day seven , that 's six days and six nights all alone at sea . He 's a very resilient man our Number 6 . We see here that he has been keeping a basic ships log of his voyage , the number of days , and his position at that time of day . I wonder how he knows his position without the use of a sextant ? He 'll know the time by his wrist watch , unless of course sea water gets into it , then it will stop ! I wonder how Number 6 is feeling this morning ? Cold , wet , alone ! He 'll still be eating cold food out of tins , lets hope his drinking water lasts . He must he tired , perhaps approaching exhaustion . Here Number 6 almost fell asleep at the helm of his craft , that will never do . So far Number 6 has experienced fair winds , but should a storm develop , then he 'll be in real trouble . And still no safety line rigged , if he was to get swept overboard , separated from his raft , he 'll drown ! At best without warm dry clothing he 'll die from hyperthermia and exposure ! His clothes soaked with sea water will harden and stick to his skin . The Village Administration must have been mad to allow their prize prisoner Number 6 to be put through this ordeal , they could so easily lose Number 6 ! Such are the realities of the current situation . And so it is that Number 6 must face yet another day all alone at sea , the way it has been for the past six days and nights . It would terrify me I know that , what about you ? Mind you I forgot that Number 6 is made of sterner stuff , but then again he has to be ! I remember how once at a Prisoner Convention at Portmeirion , I went into the shop called " Pot Jam , " I went in to purchase something I forget what . The woman behind the counter asked me if I understood everything about ' the Prisoner ? ' I looked at her and said by " no , no I don 't . " She said how refreshing it was to hear that , as many fans of ' the Prisoner ' she had spoken to said they all understood everything about ' the Prisoner . ' Yes , I can understand that , after all it 's not the done thing to appear not to be one of the crowd , to be seen to admit that unlike the majority who claim to know everything about ' the Prisoner ' you don 't know what the series is all about ! There are certain aspects of ' the Prisoner ' that remain a mystery to me , and others that cannot be understood or explained , and therefore will forever remain a complete and utter mystery ! Well he once worked for NATO security , then British Intelligence department MI9 . So I suppose he could be made a plant here in the Village , to winkle out the dissidents and Unmutuals ! On a more mundane level seeing as he built his own Lotus 7 kit car , he might be a motor mechanic , serviceing the fleet of Village taxis ! You know , well no you don 't know , I am constantly being surprised by the way people see ' the Prisoner . ' In an email from a friend who described ' the Prisoner ' as a 17 piece puzzle . Now we all know that ' the Prisoner ' is a conundrum , enigmatic , a puzzlement , but this is the first time in all my years of appreciation for ' the Prisoner ' that anyone has called it a 17 piece puzzle , but it is an apt description . Well that 's hardly a break through I hear you scream , we know ' the Prisoner ' is a puzzlement , but what 's the answer ? Well that is for each and everyone of us to arrive at , after all ' the Prisoner ' means what it is , and not what we strive to make it . Number 2 once wrote on a blackboard find missing link , I suppose that would be the reason behind the Prisoner 's resignation . But that cat won 't jump anymore , because we know why the Prisoner resigned , " for peace of mind , because too many people know too much . " And what does that tell us ? It tells us that the Prisoner had a conscience . Well having discovered the missing link , what do we do now ? Put it together , well that 's all well and good , but how do you put the 17 piece puzzle called ' the Prisoner ' together , when so many of the pieces are missing ? Like the Prisoner 's name for instance , the job he resigned from . Why did he refuse to kill ? Were both the Colonel and Fotheringay really traitors ? Who was Nadia Rakovsky going to report to ? Not the Colonel , he was all too aware of how things went during the chimes of Big Ben ! Exactly what is the Village Guardian ? Which side runs the Village ? It 's run by one side or the other , perhaps both ! Whose side is the Prisoner on ? He says he 's on the side of the Village , but seeing as we cannot be too sure which side that is …… possibly that of the British , or both . And yet the Village is an International community , a blueprint for world order , we can clearly see the problem ! The only way open to any of us , which gives us a chance of " putting it together , " can be through interpretation , speculation , and theorisation . And that can lead one down so many different avenues , making it so easy to get lost that you lose the train of thought you were following in the first place . However neither speculation and interpretation makes for the perfect scenario . Speculation is not fact , and how are we to know that what we interpret is the correct interpretation ? More than that ' the Prisoner ' can be interpreted in so many ways , Patrick McGoohan himself said a much , " That one thousand people can interpret the series in one thousand separate ways , and each one would be right , " or words to that effect . So that leaves us with theorisation , again one can theorise as much as one wishes , but that gets us nowhere . What 's more , the deeper one delves into ' the Prisoner , ' the more complicated it becomes . In order to " put it together , " one must have the facts . We know that a man resigns his job for peace of mind , because too many people know too much ! There is the Village where people turn up , people who have a certain kind of knowledge inside their heads which is of great value to one side or the other . People in the Village are there to either have that knowledge extracted , or protected . That everyone is a number . That there is no escape . And even with the basic facts , there is no - way that one can put it together , for there is much we cannot possibly know . Perhaps I am looking at it from the wrong angle . Perhaps the puzzle has already been put together , perhaps not to our own personal liking , in the 17 episodes that go to make up ' the Prisoner . ' That we as television viewers , and as fans of the ' Prisoner , ' try too hard to dissect the series first , and then attempt to put it together again in order to make sense of it all , something which all the Kings horses and all the Kings men could not do ! Oh I am fully aware that I am one of the worst for theorising , interpreting , analysing , and scrutinising ' the Prisoner ' to death . But you see it has become my lot in life to do so , as anyone who reads my ' Prisoner ' blog will tell you . And yet I assure you that you and I are not alone , there are plenty of fans of ' the Prisoner ' the world over who are doing just the same . Individuals who like me , are fascinated by the television series created by one Patrick McGoohan . Be seeing you " Why don 't you sit down sir and have a nice cup of hot chocolate . You 're all stressed out sir . Sit down and relax , while I call Number Two . " Jamming And believe you me , we 're not talking domestic science here , but Jammers who like nothing more than messing up the system ! I 'd heard that No . 118 , an eccentric artist , knows much about Jamming . So I went to interview No . 118 , as he worked on the lawn of the Old People 's Home . What they do , these Jammers , is they talk . " " Talk ? " I asked . " They talk about the plots they 've been hatching . " " And what plots may these be ? " I asked . No . 118 was very specific . " Well escapes mostly . But plans and developments for all kinds of mischief . They do it to confuse the observers . The plots they talk about are always make - believe . " " So they never have any intention of escaping ? " I asked . " Not when the plots are always make - believe , but then control can 't know that until they 've checked them out . Used to run themselves ragged investigating the schemes of Jammers . " " used to ? " I asked " Well they don 't bother any more . " { I was curious to know why } . " Well they keep a list of known Jammers , and should anything be picked up by control from one fo these , they just let it ride . " Then technically a Jammer does have the possibility of escape , if he or she came come up with the right plan ! Because if control picked a plan up by a Jammer they would simply ignore it ! Later I spoke to the Watchmakers daughter No . 50 . " Jamming is one of the most important ways of fighting back " No . 50 told me . I asked her if she is a Jammer , but she was reluctant to give an answer . The only trouble with meeting a Jammer , is that you don 't know if your being told the truth , or that your being jammed by the person in question . I think I 'll keep to my jam on toast , it 's not so much of a mouthful to swallow ! Fictionally speaking if we can suppose that No . 2 of ' Hammer Into Anvil ' is that of Thorpe in ' Many Happy Returns , ' who was so keen as to " hammer " No . 6 , then he would not be the first ex - colleague of No . 6 's so to want to do . As No . 2 's assistant during ' The Chimes of Big Ben ' Potter who suggested to No . 2 " There are methods we haven 't used yet , " meaning to break his ex - colleague No . 6 . " He 'll crack " Potter assures his superior , with a wry smile . Then we can also suppose that No . 2 's assistant is in fact Potter seen later in the series as the Colonel 's back - up in ' The Girl Who Was Death . ' Portmeirion , where night time is a magical time , when the atmosphere changes from what it was in the daytime . I stroll quietly through the Village , along streets and along paths , pausing here and there to look in shop windows , before finally retiring for the night . And for those life serving prisoners , they can watch ' The Prisoner ' on Portmeirion 's video channel . Once upon a time , if you wanted to see a film on Portmeirion 's video channel , all you had to do was telephone the hotel reception , ask if they have such a film as you wanted to watch , and if so you could book it for that night . But they don 't do that any more , and so much in Portmeirion has changed . Many of the old ways of Portmeirion have died . THEPRIS6NER , what is it all about ? Thankfully during my time in The Village I never encountered that membranic " thing , " what is it , a guardian ? But there it is , as large as life , proving the fact that the guardian did not die in ' Fall Out . ' But is it all really in the mind ? Does not The Village physically exist ? It 's a poor look out for me , an many others if it doesn 't ! There has been a theory put forward that this new Village has been built on the site of the previous one . That the desert shows that there has been a dramatic climate change , well I don 't subscribe to that particular theory , but a theory it is nonetheless for that . You may think that I 'm crossing over from the one Village to the other , but I assure you that is not the case . People are having their say on THEPRIS6NER , and I simply thought to exercise my right to do so . I was curious . But gratified to see so many echoes of the original series within the new series , and that education was touched on , if ever so briefly . I understand that people are switching off rather than watching THEPRIS6NER , that fans do not like it because it 's not a remake , did they really want a simple remake ? I think that it is very poor to think fans of ' the Prisoner ' have turned their backs on this new series , especially after they have dealt with the complexities of McGoohan 's ' Prisoner . ' I would have thought that to them THEPRIS6NER would have been a piece of cake . But really , is THEPRIS6NER so very different to that of the original ? In my opinion , no , it 's all there , just wrapped up a little differently if you ask me . This final episode was entitled ' Checkmate , ' but I thought that ' Dance of the Dead ' might have been a more fitting title , as much of the episode , what little there was of it , dealt with death of one kind or another . Six was dying , Two 's wife M2 was suffocated to death , not by " Rover " but by her son 11 - 12 and a cushion . 11 - 12 then went and hanged himself in the " Go Inside " Club , and finally Two blew himself up with a hand grenade . But there is a difference with death in The Village . Six didn 't die , we saw that at the end . Two 's wife M2 died in The Village , yet not in the other place in New York , and that was the same fate of Two , who walked off together into the sunset so to speak , both Curtis and his wife Helen finally having escaped The Village . Where as , Six has become the new Two , and 313 chose to accept her fate by taking the pills . They sat in the desert together with the new Two making plans for an even better Village , and 313 with a tear in her eye . What of 11 - 12 ? Well his death by suicide was the only actual death in The Village . And if it had not been for Six accepting the role of the new Two , and 313 deciding to join him because she loves him , The Village , and all the residents would simply have disappeared into one giant hole , oblivion in fact . And the origin of The Village , well it 's all in the mind , Helen 's mind . An experiment into the layers of the subconscious where The Village was created . It 's purpose to take broken people there , broken for whatever reason . Mend them , mentally , and then let them back into the " other " place . In the end Two got what he wanted , or rather Curtis got what he wanted . He got Michael back into the company of Summakor , and as Two got Six to finally accept . And all those flashbacks were not flashbacks at all ! It was people like Michael , Two , and 147 , those people who were brought to The Village , living lives in two places at the same time . I shall have to watch this final episode again to gauge the full effect of it , and see if there was anything I missed . We were certainly short changed by the length of this episode , which in the end was the exact opposite to that of the original series Fall Out . McGoohan wouldn 't have liked it , as Checkmate gave all the answers we the viewer were looking and perhaps hoping for . But short changed ? Yes , because the final episode ' Checkmate ' began as 10 : 20 pm , and concluded around 11 : 10pm , not an hour , not even fifty minutes ! No . 7 's It Doesn 't Really Mean Anything Take the innocent looking Astro or Lava lamp , seen by some to be symbolic , suggestive even . " Suggestive , " wrote one fan , " of the village guardian , Seen to be malevolent , as though it would do you harm if it were ever to escape it close confinement . " Get out of it , and get real for goodness sake . Its a simple Astro or Lava lamp - depending on what you want to call it , its contents oil and wax , which is more soothing and tranquil than it is malevolent ! " No . 7 Hotel Portmeirion must have been a wonderful , quirky place to visit and even to stay as a guest . The date of this postcard is unknown , but probably dates from the 1950 's , but certainly at a time before the open Lido was built - the concrete swimming pool . I wonder if anyone actually used that swimming pool ? I don 't see the young women by the swimming pool in the water ! I should think that No . 2 should follow his own advice , to guard his words carefully ! Mind you , with the failed result of the experiment as " Speedlearn , ' we never see this particular No . 2 again . We never know what happens to an out - going No . 2 , but perhaps he got his wish , to escape ! The Prisoner purchased his car as a kit - car . How long might it have taken the Prisoner to build his Lotus 7 ? An old friend of mine told me that he built his over a weekend ! that doesn 't include the spray job . In ' Dance of the Dead ' No . 6 was put on trial for the possession of a radio . He took that radio from the dead body he found on the beach . If that dead man was No . 34 who we hear from the Supervisor as having died , might not that body found on the beach by No . 6 be No . 34 ? That would mean the obvious question , where did No . 34 get that radio ? ' Dance of the Dead ' is perhaps the darkest of the 17 episodes of ' the Prisoner , ' however I 'm not always sure what was achieved with the episode . After all No . 6 might have been sentenced to death , but its certain that that sentence to be carried out by the people in the name of justice , would never have been carried out . Justice indeed , it was more like mob rule . The people acting like a lynch mob ! The white membranic mass of the Village Guardian , keep the citizens in line . It stops anyone from attempting to escape , it keeps them at bay . And yet , isn 't it also that a Guardian protects , protects the people against themselves , as well as the Village as a whole . The Prisoner said that it was a matter of conscience , that he resigned for peace of mind . Seeing as how No . 1 and No . 6 are supposed to be the alter ego of the other , and if we carry this through the whole series , then perhaps No . 6 didn 't like what was being done in the Village , and decided in ' Fall Out ' that he didn 't want any more of it . And so having returned to London , he went off to hand in his resignation just as soon as he could . During ' Fall Out , ' the Village was evacuated . But where did everyone go ? It was remarkable that such an evacuation was carried out in so short a time . Did the evacuation include all the patients in the hospital , and the folk in the Old People 's Home ? And so many helicopters brought in to almost instant use during that evacuation ! Just how many French Alouette helicopters did the Village have ? It is quite obvious that the Prisoner is trapped in a vicious circle . The question is how to break that vicious circle ? I suppose that would all depend on how much the Prisoner remembered from the first time . He might for example remember not to trust either Nadia or the Colonel . He might choose not to resign a second time , or at the very least take both his suitcases , passport and airline ticket with him when he goes to hand in his resignation . That way he need not go home , and can drive straight to the airport from that underground car park ! Does The Village Really Exist ? Is The Village an actual physical place , or is it purely all in the mind ? If it is , it 's a sad lookout for those who live here , and that includes me ! If The Village is a figment of someone 's over active imagination , in whose mind was The Village created , and who is controlling it now ? My money is on the Prisoner , and by that I mean this fellow No . 6 . Is No . 6 mad ? Well not according to our records he isn 't . But then again , if The Village and everything in it , is but a figment of No . 6 's over active imagination , then he would have written his psychiatric report himself , wouldn 't he ? And if that 's the case , No . 6 must be writing this now , but through me ! I wonder if I 'm a cardboard cut - out sat motionless at my desk , the editor might be of that opinion ! But if The Village is the creation of one man 's mind , then he must be mad , as mad as a Hatter ! After all who would create such a Village in which the creator is persecuted , abused , interrogated , and medically experimented on , on a daily basis ? Well perhaps someone with a persecution complex , who wants to suffer , but who knows just how far he wants to go . After all no harm must come to No . 6 , he doesn 't want to end up a man of fragments , the tissue must remain undamaged . And that would explain why No . 2 is allowed to go only so far in gaining the reason behind No . 6 's resignation . It 's been tried before , and now they 've tried it again , it didn 't work then , and it didn 't work now . They gave me love , in the form of 4 - 15 , both here in The Village and in New York with Lucy , and then took it away . In fact they went further , they murdered Lucy , at the precise same moment 4 - 15 threw herself into that hole , into oblivion . Can two people be in two places at the same time ? Is one place a dream ? If both places are a dream , then I 'm in serious trouble ! I 've no idea what Two means by finding the Six within , but I do know that they come for you in the night , when you 're asleep . I know it , and I want 313 to help me . But I 'm not sure she can , because to do that she would have to betray Two , and I don 't think 313 's up to that . 313 loves me , she stopped the wedding by kissing me , and really spoilt Two 's plan . Two thinks love and family life are the answer to everything . But what would Two know about family love , look how he treats his own family ! 11 - 12 is already suspicious , and is quietly going against his father , I wonder how far 11 - 12 will go against him ? Number Six 's jacket seen in most episodes is the one with broken piping on the lapel . There is however a second blazer , similar to the first , except it has continuous piping around the lapel . This second blazer represents a continuity flaw within the whole series . It has been asked over the years whether or not this second jacket was an internal costume decision . This seems unlikely and was probably overlooked that the second jacket was not identical to the first . Thus while the one with broken piping would be cleaned , by a lady in Portmadog , after a day of rolling about on the beach , the second one would come into play for less energetic scenes . The General - this is the second episode to feature Colin Gordon as No . 2 , although his other episode A B & C , was in fact filmed later . The credit 's give Joshua Adam as the writer , this being the pen name of Lewis Griefer . For the first time in the series the metal corridors , which lie beneath The Village , appear , as do the American style military guards , who return in later episodes . Also re - used is the Council Chamber from Free For All . This was the basic interior set used to represent No . 2 's Operations Room , the Control Room and the Labour Exchange , plus the laboratory in A B & C . Education was a newsworthy issue in the mid - sixties , with student ' sit - ins ' being all the rage . However , the main thrust of the story was to give a warning about the danger of technology , when it is used for learning . If people are fed data which has not been arranged or edited , that will become fixed with the information and will have less freedom of thought , as their mental spectrum has been narrowed . Today is the fourth day No . 6 has been at sea , seen here shaving , well that won 't last much longer ! Mind you our friend here is most resilient and his ingenuity knows no bounds , as he constructs a home - made compass . It must be extremely difficult knowing where you are sailing to , because he doesn 't know where he is sailing from ! But I expect having been confined for several months in the Village , that almost any place is better then being back there ! I wonder how our friend here is feeling ? Tired , well he wouldn 't get much sleep perched on that thing would he , four hours if he 's lucky ! Cold , wet well he has no waterproof or warm clothing ! And in need of a hot drink and meal , and possibly beginning to feel the strain of loneliness . If I were No . 6 , I 'd have a safety line rigged , the raft to one end , and he to the other . Well if there should be a sudden heavy sea develop and a high wind , well No . 6 looks to be in a very vulnerable place right now . Once he 's into the Atlantic , possibly with tides and currents , No . 6 might find his raft drifting into the Bay of Biscay , and in there waves get up to 65 feet ! This is the look of a man who has had his hopes of escape dashed at the final moment . To think that " they " had put No . 6 through all that had work . Felling trees , clearing them of their branches , cutting them to length - collecting oil drums , emptying them , and finally to construct his sea - going raft . To provision his vessel , take photographic evidence of the Village , to be stopped at the last minute . This just shows " their " cruelty ! Ah but then . . . . . . . . . One might say that this man , No . 28 a Supervisor , is a large cog in the machine . He is dedicated to his task , and is rarely seen outside the confines of the Control Room , and such is his importance he is never heard to be referred to by his number , but by his title " Supervisor . " What 's more actor Peter Swanwick is a fourth constant within ' the Prisoner ' series , along with Patrick McGoohan , Angelo Muscat , and the white mass of the Village Guardian . The Colonel who is gratified at being seconded to the village . What 's more he mentions No . 1 at the end . So certainly the Colonel is working for the village , although he doesn 't look very happy to actually be there . The Colonel was once in the Guards , he wears the Guards tie as Sir Charles still wears his old Estonian tie ! No . 2 , who probably suffered the second most disastrous result since No . 2 witnessed the self - destruction of the General , together with the deaths of both the Professor and No . 12 of administration ! Only with this No . 2 the Colonel died , and Doctor Jacob Seltzman actually escaped the village . As far as we know Doctor Seltzamn was the first ever to escape the village , before or since ! Janet Portland fiancée to the Prisoner - No . 6 , who had no idea if he was alive or dead . Sent on a mission by her father Sir Charles Portland or not ! Mind you she never once used his name , not even in his presence at her birthday party , which she took very well all things considered , her fiancé in another man 's body ! Apparently No . 2 can never remember " One lump or two ? " " It 's in the file " No . 6 suggests . " Yes , as a matter of fact yes . But it would take time . . . . . . . " " Why ? Are you running out of time ? " No . 6 asks . No . 2 just wanted No . 6 to give something away , but being thwarted in his frustration he checks No . 6 's file " Does not take sugar - frightened of putting on weight No . 6 ? " " No , nor of being reduced ! " he quips . But in the episode of ' Free For All ' during an interview with the Manager of the Labour Exchange we learn that No . 6 gave up sugar four years and three months , before his abduction to the village , on medical advice . So I wonder if the Prisoner - No . 6 is actually a diabetic ? We never see No . 6 injecting himself with insulin , so if he is diabetic , it would have to be Type 2 and not Type 1 - Type 2 is where the subject is overweight , No . 6 doesn 't look to be over weight , but you can never tell I suppose , having to watch they eat , and be put on a diet , with no sugar ! ' The Chimes of Big Ben ' and No . 6 is escaping the village along with No . 8 - Nadia , sealed in a crate together . First by sea to Gdansk , then by air to Copenhagen , and by air again to London , a journey which will take 12 hours . And indeed we see that there is road travel by lorry , then the crate is loaded aboard a ship , and later the crate is put on as freight on an aircraft . But of course these scenes are simply for the television viewer , and does not actually take place . What precisely happens can only be open to interpretation , yet this is how my friend interpreted what actually happens to that crate with Nadia and No . 6 sealed inside . Its easy to imagine this crate with two people inside , set on a rig which can imitate the motion of a ship , and aircraft , the crate lifted up and swung about as though being loaded and off loaded . With sound equipment to give audio sound effects which would actually be heard by the two people inside the crate during the supposed journey . In fact none of the journey actually takes place , well apart from having the crate wheeled on a trolley into the Colonel 's office , but even that bit is faked ! Then we come to Living In Harmony in which No . 8 strangles No . 22 to death with his bare hands , and then commits suicide by throwing himself off the balcony in the Silver Dollar Saloon . But really there is no evidence to prove that No . 22 was actually strangled to death , because as No . 6 knelt at her side No . 22 was able to speak , she said " I wish it had been real , " so No . 22 was alive when No . 6 arrived on the scene . Had No . 22 been strangled by No . 8 she would have been unable to speak . I mean No . 22 was either strangled to death , or she wasn 't , there is no two ways about it . " I know too much . We 're both lifers . I am definately an optimist , that 's why it doesn 't matter who No . 1 is . It doesn 't matter which side runs the Village . . . . . . " and it is at that point where the difference lies , No . 6 has the need to know which side runs the Village , and who No . 1 is . Those two questions seem to lie very heavily with No . 6 . How is it that No . 2 's arrive in the Village , yes I know by helicopter . But how are they selected , and from where ? One possible source of course would be the British Civil Service , and selected for their administrative and interrogative abilities . No . 2 must be trusted as they are allowed to leave the Village after their term of office . How do we know this ? Well three No . 2 's are brought back for a second term of office , one of whom in ' Once Upon A time ' states " You can say what you like . You brought me back here , " which suggests this No . 2 has been away from the Village . And we know that it is possible for No . 2 to leave the Village and go on a spell of " leave , " and then return voluntarily to the Village to carry on with his term of office , until the day of his retirement that is . However this gentleman on the left is not at all happy at being brought back to the Village . He is obviously in a bad mood , sniping at the Butler to remove his breakfast , tells the Butler to leave the coffee , " the coffee leave it ! " He 's even sniping at No . 1 on the telephone , telling him to remove the membranic Village Guardian which had secreted itself in No . 2 's chair , and declaring to Number 1 that he 's not an inmate ! And this time they do it his way , or No . 1 can get somebody else ! He is obviously in a place he didn 't want to be , which suggests that he had no say in the matter . Perhaps he had to be abducted back to the Village , in order to force him into a second term of office ! In A Fistful of Dollars he was called Joe , by the old undertaker . In For A Few Dollars More the name Manco was used . And in The Good , The Bad , and The Ugly he was called Blondie , a nickname surely . But then what 's in a name ? This man is known as the Prisoner , Number Six , or simply Six ! So it would seem that these two characters have a good deal in common . Save for the fact that the Man With No Name is a born killer , and the other has probably had enough of killing - well that 's why he handed in both his badge and gun , not to mention his horse ! I count only two ! There 's No . 48 who represents uncoordinated youth , rebelling against nothing it can define . No . 6 , or Sir as he became to be addressed , he with his private war ! The " late " No . 2 , a successful , and secure member of the Establishment , who is accused of biting the hand that feeds - so when did No . 2 do that then ? He was loyal right up to the end , even to the point of putting his life on the line ! This man did revolt , rebel , but not until the end , when he decided that if he must die , that he would die with his own mind and spits in the electronic eye of No . 1 ! No . 48 , wears funny clothes , a Jester 's bell about his neck which he frequently rings . Certainly the delegates of the Assembly certainly like his singing and dancing , in fact they join in with him . But No . 48 is not the only funny entertainer , the " late " No . 2 opens his address with a funny thing happened to me . . . . . on my way here , ha , ha , ha , ha ! So is Fall Out nothing more than a pantomime , which the viewer has to make some sense of ? Well you have woken up in the comfort of your own bed . You have enjoyed a breakfast , and now you are about to go off to work , or staying at home looking after the children then going out shopping , well whatever you are doing today , while you are doing it spare a thought for No . 6 . He didn 't wake up in bed , he woke up { after perhaps 4 hours sleep } aboard his raft , all alone in the middle of an ocean ! He might have had a shave , using cold water . Breakfasted on cold baked beans and corned beef out of tins , went to the toilet in a bucket , or over the side . He is faced with a second day at sea , fighting the elements , the cold , and the loneliness . He is already wet , tired , and cold , and this is only day two of his voyage of discovery ! Oh and while No . 6 was sleeping for 4 hours , what kept his raft on the north easterly course ? He has no self steering gear , no drift anchor to keep the raft on course . During those 4 hours No . 6 was asleep that raft would have drifted miles and miles off course , carried along by the tide and currents . " Light blue . . . . fearless . . . . or are you ? Each man his his breaking point you know , you are no exception { No . 2 pokes No . 6 's forehead with the tip of his sword } ah you react . Are you afraid of me ? " Well I ask you , who wouldn 't react with the tip of a blade poking your forhead ? But just a minute , I though the psychiatrist report in the previous episode said that No . 6 showed a negative reaction to pain ! And anyway how is it No . 2 was able to smuggle that sword shooting stick into the Village ? And why did he think he would be in need of it in the first place ? Do Not Forsake Me Oh My Darling It is such a pity that Vincent Tilsley 's script for this particular episode was edited so much after he 'd written it - because to Vincent Tilsley 's mind they had made the script far worse , and more confusing than it was originally , or words to that effect . To be perfectly honest I am not one for reading scripts , yet having glanced through the script Face Unknown which was the original title for this episode , the episode would have ended up far more enjoyable for the viewer if director David Tomblin and co had not edited Tilsley 's script . For example ; it would appear that before the Prisoner was sent back to London , his mind was regressed back to the day of " crisis , " to the day of the Prisoner 's resignation - a most important moment in time . Originally we would have seen the Prisoner in his London home on the evening before the day he resigned , wearing his dressing gown as he settles himself down to write his letter of resignation - and having finished he places his resignation letter on the mantelpiece and retires to bed . The mind of the Prisoner having had been erased right back to the day before he resigned . { Well I would say that plenty has changed ! } The Prisoner stuffs the letter into his pocket and heads for the door . " It 's all the same . Why should I think it 's different ? " The door opens violently and we see feet hurrying down the steps as the Prisoner hurries towards his parked Lotus 7 . A hand opens the door , and he gets into the drivers seat , and the engine is fired into life and revved up . " Of course it seems different . Of course . Things are different . Because - I - am - resigning ! Now ! " " Whatever they 're doing they can 't stop me . I 'm going to resign . They can 't stop me . . . . they ? Who are they ? " What 's ' more , we see in the episode a patient in the amnesia room , an agent lying on a table , who gave them all the information No . 2 wanted . Later all unpleasant memories of the village would be erased from the agents mind , so that later he can be returned to the outside world in order to gather more information . . . . . . . And that 's what they had originally done to the Prisoner , erased all unpleasant memories of the Village , and released him in the outside world - so as to find Professor Seltzman , Professor Jacob Seltzman , and bring him back to the Village !
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I am an Air Force brat , a self - taught artist , and a part - time mom these days . I work out my artistic demons by making stuff and trying to find the humor when things go wrong . I have a spouse , two grown kids and cats that barf and bring horrible things into the house , so things do go wrong . My youngest is in college and only home during breaks , so I 'm almost an empty nester , alone more than not and trying to figure out this new stage of life . Time to make a mess . Is it just me ? Everyone on the roads and in all of the shops seem to be less than courteous or even civilized these days . The holidays used to bring out the best in many people , but these days it seems to bring out the worst . While running errands yesterday , I can say with all confidence that I felt like the only person left on planet Earth that used the words , " Excuse me " or " Pardon me . " Seriously . After one errand , I encountered a family with elders , one of which was clearly experiencing a medical emergency . I called for help and stayed until help arrived , offering my cell phone for their use while we waited for paramedics . How sad that they seemed surprised to receive help ! I spent the rest of the day in holiday traffic , letting bedraggled shoppers trying desperately to get out of parking lots and into the clogged roads go ahead of me , hoping they 'll pass it on and be kinder on the road . Today I am going to be busy shopping for holiday meals , wrapping gifts and enjoying holiday music playing loudly . I may even bake some cookies ( or buy some and smear flour on my face to make it look like I did again : - ) There 's got to be at least one house in the neighborhood where the occupants aren 't trying to perfect their bah humbugging skills . No art , but lots of time on mom duty . My lovely husband is coming home after a week in China and I decided I should really do a little more deeper cleaning than usual to perk him up when he walks in the door . If I run out of time , I may employ the trick of spilling and spraying cleaning products all over the place to make it smell brilliantly spotless , regardless what it looks like . Boys are dumb and it has worked in the past . Bahaha ! It 's like tossing flour on your face and spilling some on the counter to make it look like you slaved over dinner ; - ) So the bird legs still sit on my artsy desk with no bird , but the cat 's bathroom is free of litter all over the floor and I 've vacuumed an entire school of Goldfish crackers from the living room floor . Sigh . Such is the life of a mom trying to be an artist . There was yet another battle for the crackers , with two " kids , " aged almost 17 and 26 , running around the house , screaming and laughing and stealing the gigantic box of crackers from each other , applying graffiti in an effort to " tag " the carton as their own . It was the silliest thing that I ever thought ( the key word , thought ) I got on video . There 's always that darned little button I forget to press sometimes . . . . Yesterday I actually managed to get some artwork done ! OK , I 'm not sure if it qualifies as art if I 'm using a pattern . The intensity of focus is something I 've missed . It takes much longer to turn two pieces of floral wire and a bunch of ridiculously sticky floral tape into bird legs than I had anticipated . It 's a good thing I had the garage door closed ( it was freezing and I had my little space heater zooming ) because I think I had my tongue sticking out to one side , clearly aiding me in my bird - leg making efforts , as I focused on how to make proper legs with too - short wire . It would have been embarrassing to have been spotted by the neighbors looking like that . In any event , I enjoyed plowing through my stash of fabric and finding the perfect trio for the project . Not everything from the indoor studio has made it to the garage studio , so I found myself muttering a few choice words under my breath each and every time I realized that something I needed was in the house . Did I mention that it was pouring rain ? And that there is no path from the garage to the house free of said rain ? Today I had hoped to clean up for a while ( my children are savages ) and then move on to the next stage of bird making . There were a multitude of distractions - the charming Egyptian gentleman that lives around the corner feels compelled to come to the door and share a bit of his religious beliefs with me in exchange for letting him pick all of the oranges he wants . Does one get assigned a special place in you - know - where when one ducks and hides after hearing his car pull up ? I just wanted to get some art work done ! Then I found myself having to actually holster an air horn ( ok , I don 't have an actual holster ; the front pocket of my jeans served me well ) . One of my two cats has discovered the kitty version of carpet sliders . Carpet sliders are the most magnificent invention for boys named Kevin with carpeted homes . They are made of flat pieces of plastic with velcro straps and are worn like very unattractive shoes , then the boy runs and stops so as to skid across the carpeting . Sox , the deviant cat , started in the living room and absolutely bolted across the house , leaping to the dining room table that is complete with a lovely red holiday tablecloth . He was sliding at great speed , and I actually watched him spin like an ice skater , making horrible scratches with his back claws in the wood . I lost my mind , yelled , blasted the air horn and watched him bolt . Hiding behind the sofa while I returned the tablecloth to its proper state , that rotten cat waited until I left the room , wound himself up and did it again . And again . And again . There has been a lot of hollering , blasting of the air horn , and a cat doing a good impression of Fred Flintstone . In order to save the dining room table , I 've propped the air horn in the middle of it . Pavlov had it right . So far , so good . Moving the studio to the garage has been a mixed bag for me . It 's often noisy , and it 's a serious pain in the patootie to have to shut down the big door for security purposes every time I have to go into the house to retrieve something . My books are still in the house and , after the little puddle of water I saw inside the garage door after the sprinklers ran , I think the books are going to stay indoors . I will say that the inconvenience does keep me from over - referencing books ! Stepping out of the house and away from the hustle and bustle with kids , cats , televisions and phones does have its perks . I have actually begun to make headway on my art journal . I feel a little flummoxed by the project ( am I ever happy with my own work ? ) but have plodded along a bit with my iTunes going on the laptop . Today I stepped a little more out of my comfort zone and signed up for an online class with artist Susan Sorrell . An article about her appeared in a magazine I purchased about a year ago and I must admit to returning to the article and loving the photos time and time again . Her artwork is fun , colourful and engages a lot of the skills that I 've not used for a long time such as applying embroidery and beading and applying them to fabric collage . How exciting ! In the meantime , I continue to try to do a little something every day in my new art cave . We 'll see what I can accomplish today before the rain starts . I 've got this much done - the journal stitched , the pages painted and the first few bits of paper collage started , all with the glare of the light coming in from the garage door windows . Whoops ! I had the joy ( sarcasm alert ) of spending the morning at the doctor 's office getting an over - due peek - a - boo - oscopy . For once I felt like the practitioner was listening to me ! I 'm sure this is TMI , but several years ago I had bilateral breast reduction surgery in an effort to qualm the never ending migraine headaches . It was a miracle ! I haven 't had one since . However , I was left with what has yet to be identified , initially thought to be a hematoma near an incision site . Eleven years later , it 's still there and I think it 's bigger . I 've expressed concern to several physicians over the years , and they 've all blown it off telling me it was probably scar tissue . Probably ? Really ? We 're going to guess , cross our fingers and swing chickens and hope for the best ? So the mammogram scheduled for today was cancelled and , instead , I was referred to the breast clinic at the hospital . I 'm not going to fret , but just plug along taking control of health issues as they arise . I 've lost 42 lbs . ( with a good chunk still to go ) and I 'm working out HARD several days a week trying to improve my health . Needless to say , the elliptical isn 't in the studio , so guess what I 'm NOT getting done . Sigh . Today I decided that I won 't get any art done , but I will get my son to the sports shop to order his Letterman jacket , having lettered in marching band , and get the house really tidy so that tomorrow I can focus on art for the entire day . I am committing to looking away from any " how to " book or magazine article and just play , going to the next step on my art journal . The Mom job is certainly taking a front seat these days . Wish me luck . It 's almost 2 : 30 p . m . and I haven 't accomplished much today . I did work out for an hour and a half , distressed that I still have a muffin top . Well , more than a muffin top , but I continue to hope that some miracle will occur and I 'll get off of the elliptical thinner than when I got on the beast . I need one of those trick mirrors like the ones in the dressing room at Nordstrom . The dresses always look great during the trying - on phase , then my picture is taken at an event wearing said dress and somehow the camera added 30 pounds and a puffier muffin . Ugh . There are no skivvies tight enough . I 'm distracted by the holidays . I love the holidays , but it 's hard to focus on anything like art and impossible to catch up on housework . The loss of my studio to my " boomerang " daughter also means the loss of the sacred hiding place for Christmas gifts as they are delivered . This year , most of the gifts are larger than one can shove under a bed or hide in a shared closet . As long as we 're still fetching the mountains of holiday decorations from the garage , that isn 't exactly a safe haven either . It 's good that no one in our family wants their holiday surprise spoiled , so no one is hunting or snooping . Maybe the best thing is to find time to wrap gifts , a specific paper for each recipient so that I can avoid tell - tale name tags , and " hide " them under a blanketed table in the pseudo - studio , aka the garage . My distractability has caused more than a pause in being creative . I 'm so glad I turned down the request to paint a cradle ( for free , no less ) . Now and again when I find myself in the garage , I also find myself sitting at the desk and slopping a little more paint on my art journal . I had hoped to finish the collage part by last week but , alas , have been constantly distracted and hit snags in the schedule . My goal today - get in there as soon as the yard dudes are finished blowing dirt all over the front of my house and collage just one page ! I need to make something . Three and half years have passed since I left a fabulous job at the hospital to be a stay - at - home mom and artist . In that time , I 've done too little . Worse , I 've lost nearly all human contact and , for whatever reason , am really struggling with that issue this week . The holidays are always fun in our home , though sparsely attended . Usually the table is set for just my husband and , if I 'm lucky , both of my kids are present and accounted for . We play goofy board games , watch seasonal movies and just have a lot of fun goofing off . Last year I turned 50 and that meant a MOB at the table , with family flying in from all corners of the country . What fun ! But my in - laws live hundreds of miles and many states away , and my sister lives across the country and the economic environment has put quite the damper on travel for everyone . Sigh . So what do I do ? I feel like I did in high school . Frequently the new kid ( many times as I was a military brat ) , I would watch clusters of friends that had known each other for years , and I just couldn 't seem to wiggle my way into the crowd . What would it have been like to go to school with the same kids for more than three years ? I 'm very outgoing and have a lot of fun talking with people , so it isn 't a matter of being shy . My husband 's staff insist that I , " the party , " am included in their office lunches so that they spend the hour ( plus ) goofing and laughing , so it 's not that I 'm dull . And contrary to the tone of my blog , my spill - my - guts place , I 'm quite the goof in person . So what is it ? ! ? I just always feel like the odd girl out . I have no artsy or craftsy friends locally , as I 've fussed about before . They 've got to be out there somewhere . I 'm losing my sanity being alone so much , holding full - fledged conversations with cats . THAT is the true sign of insanity . The mom and artist tangled today . On the artist front , it was with mixed emotions that I started moving the contents of my studio from what had been my son 's small ( 8 ' x10 ' ) bedroom when he was younger ( he now resides in what had been big sister 's room when she was home ) to the garage . On the mom side , my " Boomerang " daughter will be moving back home in December , but she spends so many nights here already that I thought it would be nice to start making the indoor studio more like a special room for her . We don 't know how long she will be with us , though I imagine it will likely be a year or so . She is struggling with her first semester of graduate school after ending a long relationship , wrapping up a temporary position and applying like mad for a full time position . Trying to find a job in this economy is a nightmare . So for now , she 'll be back home and I 'll enjoy having her company . We 're going to do some serious bridal - tv - watching together . The boys in the house aren 't going to know what hit them . Bahaha ! Trying to make due in the garage is going to be a challenge . The good news is that I get terrific internet reception on my Mac . I regret I 'll be losing my fabulous wide screen digital tv , but I 'm NOT going to pay to have a cable line dropped in the garage for a year . I can always stream on the internet if I need to hear human voices , or pop a DVD into the computer . What the heck , I 'll just work with the garage door open and chat with neighbors as they pass on their walks . I may make new friends : - ) It will be a while before they realize they 'd better change their route if they want to make good time on their trek . Ooh , maybe I 'll put a coffee pot out there and lure new friends in with the smell of freshly brewed espresso . I papered the walls with my inspiration images , put up my cork boards and white board , set up my Bernina and connected all things electrical . I 'm good to go . In any event , not a day goes by that I don 't appreciate all that is good in life . I 'm only 12 years younger than my mother was when she passed away and remind myself every day that she dreamed a lot , but didn 't DO . I want to do . OK , I know that 's bad grammar , but it 's true . I had a great day this last week dodging the phone , computer and television and look forward to another day like that tomorrow . Time to work on a holiday project . Woohoo ! I had good intentions . First , I find NO paper in the house for the printer . Four people use the paper and printer and not one goober could wave the flag to tell me that they 'd taken the last of it , so errand # 1 was to get paper . Then my distractible self saw Cost Plus and I just KNEW there was something I intended to pick up there , but couldn 't remember what so I wandered through the store , growing increasingly stressed at the sight of all of the Christmas goodies and the long mental list of things I need to do to get ready for Christmas , so I ran out with empty hands . Then there was the trip to the grocery store for specific items for a wonderful dinner . During the grocery trip , my husband called while on a break from stressful board meetings to say that he wants to go out for dinner tonight and reminded me that the daughter for whom I planned this particular dinner has grad school classes tonight . Duh . I should have remembered . Of course it 's just as well since the majority of ingredients I needed were either unavailable or inedible . I ask myself , how can I live in CA and not be able to find a single avocado in the store that I can eat in the next two days ? They 're like rocks ! Grrr . Oh , and I was reminded that yes , there ARE shirts to pick up at the cleaners . I feel like the maid . Everyone is on notice . Tomorrow I will not answer the phone or check in on Facebook . I am plotting a couple of art projects that are just for the family , so there 's no pressure to produce a marketable anything . I am going to take the great advice I 've been offered in the last day and just make something , be creative and have fun . THEN I 'll go to another store and try to find a stupid avocado . What is wrong with me ? I have the urge to be creative , but sit here with my brain permanently in " park " mode and unable to move ahead . I started thinking about making holiday gifts , but then I wonder what I could make that someone would actually want to receive . I think friends and family like my quilts , but it 's November ( reminder : start making quilts in January ! ) , so that 's not a real option . I look at all the magazines and " how to " books that I 've got that cover every medium known to mankind , but the first thing I think is , " What would someone do with this ? ? ? " Yesterday I read a blog written by someone that reminded me of myself . She loves being artsy and craftsy and is drawn to publications about creativity , in awe of the super talents and prolific work of so many others . Yet , like me , she feared looking too closely or spending too much time exploring others ' work for fear that her own ideas and art would be influenced by the work of another artist . Then there 's the part of me that is like a deer in headlights . I 'm surrounded by artistic materials and , more often than not , have the time to be creative but do nothing . It 's depressing . Today I will at least explore some resources for artistic prompts . I 'm wasting time , wasting opportunity and need a nudge . OK , I need a really big kick and a shove . While I rarely watch bad daytime television , I had the TV on while folding laundry ( so much for making art ) the other day , unable to find the remote control to change the channel . I was about to turn it off when I heard Dr . Phil ask someone if they had a dream or a plan , and said that the difference between the two was that a plan has a timeline . A plan means setting dates and deadlines and then checking in to see if progress is being made . I 'm grateful for my most artsy friend Debbie , whom I can fuss about the frustration and who always has kind and positive words to get me back on track . What can I do to turn my dreams into a plan ? I guess it 's time to work on that timeline , or at least on establishing the next single step in that timeline in the hope of creating a real artsy life and ( hopefully ) business . Deadlines and I have never gotten along in the sandbox , but it 's time to try . If at first we don 't succeed , it 's a bad idea to keep doing the same thing over and over again that failed ! Last year ( or was it the year before ? ) a friend sent me a link with a video featuring the sketchbook project by the Art House Co - op in Brooklyn . While visiting their site , I discovered an upcoming project , a project about which I agonized ( because that 's what I do best ) with respect to participating . I butched up , signed up and participated . Now after a long , long , LOOONGGG wait , the book for the project has arrived . Every participant was given three words for which they were to produce a visual definition . The words were submitted by the general public , and were selected randomly . One of the three canvases of each participant was to be reproduced in a booklet containing these digital images . They chose my canvas illustrating the word " atmosphere . " I think there 's a picture in the way - back - pages of my blog . Anyway , the book arrived today and I 'm so excited . It 's silly given that all I had to do was participate to be published , but I don 't care ! It 's a book and it has my name in it , so I 'm have a celebratory glass of chardonnay . Like I needed an excuse ; - ) When I left my full time job at the hospital a whopping three and a half years ago , many of my co - workers expressed concern for my sanity . They know that I 'm a social beast and inquired about how I would occupy my time and fulfill my need to interact with real people . My expectation , as silly as it seems now , was that I would create art during the hours my son was in school and be super mom and carpool queen when he was home . I had discovered etsy . com and wanted to open a shop within six months of having left the job , sure I could do that with nothing but time on my hands . That is NOT what happened . What did happen was that I discovered that as a family , we have way too much stuff . That stuff is constantly being left where it doesn 't belong , or it 's dirty and needs cleaning , or that it needs to be repaired , returned , or replaced . I live the life of an around - the - clock personal assistant to the clan and spend too little time making art . Yesterday was my birthday . My husband asked me now that I had reached the age of ( choke ) 51 , had I any grand words of wisdom to share about what I felt about life , what I had learned , or some other silly thing . Actually , I had been thinking about it . My mother died at age 63 , my younger sister just days before turning 47 , my paternal grandmother in her late 60 's , along with a few others that have rattled my emotional cage . I 've spent too much of the little time we get in life planning or thinking about what I wanted to do , but not really doing much . It 's time to revisit plans for the future . With the success of the sale of the rocking chair and quilt , I thought again about the possibility of opening an etsy shop . It 's incredibly inexpensive , the site is so well known that marketing isn 't an issue ( for the site as a whole , not for an individual shop ) , and I wouldn 't have to be wed to a single type of art . I haven 't made up my mind yet , but I have given it serious thought and spent a ton of time looking at prospective " competition . " What I see are thousands of people who did more than talk about it and who are enjoying creating and selling their creations . Here 's hoping for just a pinch more courage . I 'm sharing space that is too small to actually share . The studio has been jacked by my daughter . I 'm still trying to figure out the source of the sand on the desk given that we live 30 miles from the beach . Sigh . This week has been chaotic trying to juggle the Mom stuff and the artist stuff . On the mom side , my son 's German teacher organizes and chaperones a trip to Germany every year during Spring Break , taking high school students from two schools . The parent meeting was not permitted on the school campus this year ( new laws regarding not being able to discuss money that isn 't an official school fund raiser , blah blah blah , and it 's not an official school trip ) , so , of course , we volunteered our home . That was before we were notified that the electric company would be shutting off power for the day . It wouldn 't have been such a big problem had the electric company not run into complications , extending the " power back up " time from 4 p . m . to a predicted 8 p . m . This with about 20 parents expected at 6 : 30 and the curbs on both sides of the entire block coned off and marked " No Parking . " Oh , and having no lights . Ack ! Thank goodness the power was restored an hour before the meeting . I had just enough time to bake cookies ( yeah for frozen dough blobs from a school fundraiser ! ) and entertain the parents while we waited for the habitually - late teacher . He did not disappoint , showing up about 1 / 2 hour late . What a day . This was topped with the chaos ( an increasingly frequent condition at home ) of getting my son and his friend registered for Blizzcon and get the name on my ticket changed to that of his friend . Moms who hear screams of , " For the Horde ! " and other World of Warcraft of StarCraft blabberings from their teens know what I mean . I was surrounded by gaming geeks and nerds for hours . It was most amusing . But it 's done , they 're gaming their brains out and I have the sandy studio desk to myself for a while . To top it off , all these geeks get to enjoy a closing concert by the Foo Fighters . OK , NOW I 'm jealous ! On the art side , I have to admit that I 'm suddenly obsessive about the idea of generating more quilts . I 'm exploring techniques for incorporating images and / or paint and other medium in an art quilt , plus looking at just fun modern quilts . I always wonder , what do the more prolific artists and craft - persons do with everything they make ? ? ? I 'm still working ( slooowwwly ) on my art journal that I 'm going to swap with my sister for completion and return . We know what we 're doing with those . But what do people do with their art journals when they make dozens of them ? Or paintings to numerous for the limited numbers of walls in the house ? I picture the most colourful episode EVER of Hoarders . It 's funny , I haven 't seen a single episode that included the home of an artist or crafty mama . Hmmm . We must keep the studios well hidden . ; - ) I found this video on Rice ( I can 't figure out how to type the " e " with the umlaut over it ) Freeman - Zachary 's blog and will assume that the option of embedding the video allows for sharing it along with credit for the source ! What inspiration for creativity ! SUE KREITZMAN - Artist Profile - Short Documentary from Pat Grimm on Vimeo . On the artists side : I 'm finished . The quilt is finished , the rocking chair is finished and all that 's left is a lot of mess for me to clean up , paints to put away , and a dining room to return to its original purpose . The house is quiet and there is nothing to do but clean . Oh joy . Finishing art projects can come with as big an emotional let down as finishing a fantastic book . I feel a sense of melancholy at the conclusion of a big project or deadline that makes me grumble under my breath and resist starting a new project ( or a new book , for that matter ) . Is it just me ? At least it 's only mid - October and I have time to plot holiday projects for a change instead of waiting until Thanksgiving and freaking out about how there just isn 't enough TIME to plan and execute any handmade gifts . Shame on me for feeling grumpy about having the luxury of time with no hectic schedule . On the mom side : My teenage son has an official girlfriend , as in he introduces her by name , followed by , " My girlfriend . " I am seeing less of him , more of her ( and she is quite the cutie whom I 've know for a couple of years , so I 'm just find with that ) , and more of his peck pecking at the tiny keyboard on his cell phone when he 's in his room . Now we begin the battle of getting him to turn off all entertainment devices during homework and study time which should last longer than the entertainment time . I won 't hold my breath . In addition , my adult daughter has semi - moved back home and occupies the studio when residing here . We are so delighted to have her around more and happy to be available to help her during a difficult transition in life , but it does make for real challenges in being creative . What the heck , I went years and years without a formal studio . The real challenge is in figuring out how to get to my art supplies without stepping on her calculator or on the cell phone charging on the floor , in addition to figuring out what the heck the sand on the desk is all about . As I said , I 've got time to clean . Sigh . The quilt is finished and turned over to the Boys & Girls Club for the auction . The boss lady happened to be there when I turned it in and she loved the front . Then she flipped it over and exclaimed , unfiltered , " Ooh , I don 't like the background fabric . Not my style . " and flipped it back to the front . I laughed and told her no worries , just don 't bid on it ! I was pleased with myself for blowing off a negative comment and was completely unaffected by it . That 's a huge step for me ! What the heck , it wasn 't my design , so I just didn 't take it personally . The workmanship was FAB if I do say so myself ; - ) On the art side : Trying to improve on basic skills is fine , but waiting until I 'm in the middle of a project that will be donated for the auction wasn 't my best plan ever . I found a book with the simplest tip ever for improving the appearance of the back side of the quilt ( doing the free motion quilting for the first time - eeek ) , but unfortunately I found that tip after I finished the quilting . Oh well . Live and learn . The chair is what is giving me nightmares right now . Once again , I struggle with the expectations of those who will receive the chair versus my own preferred style of painting . I think I 'm going to just stick with my own style and , again , encourage my girlfriend to tell me it sold for a bundle ; - ) In the meantime , I 'm about to take a bunch of paint and just start whacking away at the chair , knowing I can wipe quickly or cover over it if I feel the need . We 'll see what it looks like at 5 p . m . This is Phase II so far , on pause for a while since I used a glazing medium and it needs to dry before I paint more . Let 's just hope I can keep the dopey cat off of it ! Where is my air horn ? On the mom side : At least I have the house to myself today . My charming son planned an outing for his high school German Club , but didn 't plan well enough . They arrived at the museum to see the Tim Burton exhibit , not taking into account that it 's October and the show closes at the end of the month . The parking lots are full , and they can 't get in to see the exhibit for more than two hours . Imagine a bunch of high school kids cruising the fine arts museum to kill time . I 've chaperoned these trips in the past . I 've never seen so many boys giggling about all manner of anatomy in various forms of art . It 's most amusing . With my daughter living in my studio a few days a week , I 'm back to having art supplies from one end of the house to another , working wherever I find space . Yesterday I was sewing at the kitchen table ( which is agonizingly high for sewing ) . Today I 'm painting on the dining room table . With my buzzer phobia , painting outdoors is just not an option for me . I spend more time screaming and running around and looking like a lunatic , getting very little painting accomplished . How embarrassing that all the neighbors know when I paint outside just from the girly screams coming from my deck . Dumb buzzers . Not the kind you get when you eat something really cold ( which I 've never actually experienced myself ) , but the kind of brain freeze one gets mid - project that brings the work to a grinding halt . Am I fussing again ? About the same issue ? The suggestion of " whimsical " and mention of fairies has still got me thrown for a loop and thinking I 'm headed the wrong direction . I actually started cruising the internet for images of stupid fairies that would prompt my imagination , and my husband stopped behind me and said , " No , no , no ! Do what you were going to do ! " Clearly , thick skin continues to elude me and I am too easily and thoroughly influenced by the comments of others with respect to my art . This is the dumbest thing ever . Maybe it 's time to just get the sketchbook and doodle with nothing particular in mind . That , or go harass my son until I 'm thoroughly amused and distracted from this task . Right now the chair is coloured with the safest paint choices for a traditionally girlie chair . I may break out in hives . This project is feeling too far off from what I would normally produce . Tomorrow I 'll have the house to myself . I 'll crank my music ( emphasis on " my " ) and get to work doing it my way ! An article on guerilla art appeared in one of my artsy craftsy magazines a while ago , encouraging readers to create their own and share their story about what they created and where they left the art . It might be a little challenging for me to leave an art doll lying around to be discovered without being noticed : - ) I was on a plane recently , flipping through the magazine of silly , overpriced items for sale that is in the pocket of every seat on the plane . Well into the magazine , I stumbled on my first ever bit of " guerilla art , " a funky sketch of some kind of beastie . Passengers were encouraged to take the catalog , but I only took this one page and had to share . I really like it and had to share . Today I took my husband to see the Tim Burton exhibit in Los Angeles . This is a photo of a banner featuring " Stainboy " on the posts outside the museum . I saw the exhibit earlier in the summer , but enjoyed it again just as much as the first time . The sheer volume of his sketches and doodles are enough to make me think about how much better my art would be and how many more ideas I 'd remember if I sketched and doodled every day . Clearly I need to follow through on the notion of carrying a small sketch pad in my purse . The skies have suddenly and unexpectedly turned gloomy and grey , making it too dark for me to work on painting the rocking chair . Instead , I turned to blog surfing . Once again , my mind zips from one thought to another , inspired by the mass of prolific bloggers willing to share what they do , with the sheer volume of work produced filling my head with ideas about new things I want to try . I 'm back at having too many ideas in my head , my brain wandering so much that I get nothing accomplished . Time to drag out the sketch book , jot down the ideas , doodle some visual reminders of new ideas and actually move ahead with making art . In the meantime , our charming adult daughter has some new challenges in life that will have my studio functioning as a guest room a few days a week for quite a while . Planning my work time is going to become even more crucial now that I will be sharing the space . The trade off is worth it ; I will have more time with my daughter . Our little family is back to four in the house these few days a week , and we 're enjoying having fun family dinners at the actual dinner table in the actual dining room instead of the usual three of us lumping around the coffee table in front of a television during dinner . Silver linings abound . Time to doodle . This quilt project has turned into the biggest headache ever , either because I just can 't do math or because my cutting and measuring skills simply blow . I 'm donating this quilt , buying materials while paying enormous graduate school tuition for my daughter . The fabric is relatively expensive ( $ 10 / yd at most suppliers ) , so I decided to reduce the size of the squares , reducing the total size of a quilt to that of a lap quilt vs . one for a bed . I thought I did a good job of the math , and even ran it past my math whiz of a husband and all seemed well and good . It took quite a while to map out all of the cuts of the dozen different fabrics . I sketched out a plan , double checked the numbers , triple checked the measurements and newly re - sized pieces , then started cutting and assembling . As I started to square up each assembled piece , I discovered to my horror that they just didn 't add up . The " squares " aren 't all squares , and the amount some of them are off is just inexplicable . Each strip is the right size , the seams are the right size , I used a walking foot and marked the foot plate so that I wouldn 't forget and slip to a standard sewing seam allowance ( having spent more years making garments than anything else ) . I measured carefully , cut carefully with my quilting rules and fresh rotary cutter . What in the world did I do wrong ? ! ? Arghhhh ! I 've made other quilts that required so much more precision ( the first one ever was one of those kaleidoscope whack - and - stacks and it turned out beautiful ! ) , and this one is just a bunch of stupid rectangles . Seriously , what an epic failure of a job . This big pile of lemon squares has got to become lemonade . If I cut the squares smaller , the finished quilt will have a more modern and asymmetrical look and I think it 'll work really well . This is what the quilt was supposed to look like before I messed with the pattern . This is NOT what it will look like when I 'm finished tweaking the " squares . " I may be too humiliated to post the finished project . I 'm glad the folks at the auction will never know what it was originally to look like . What the heck , I 've never been a fan of symmetry . It might come out even more fun . That 's my story and I 'm stickin ' to it . I need an ergonomic everything . Everything aches . My brain is cramped after trying to figure out how to resize a quilt pattern and still have it come out , then cut all those evil strips . The pillow I stuffed behind my back keeps wiggling out the back of the chair . It 's time for some duct tape ! It 's nice to still be in the studio after 4 : 30 p . m . Progress ! Aside from spending time at the studio desk , I have also spent an enormous amount of time filling out forms for school for my son . I can 't imagine why , why , why we are required to fill in 87 copies of the same form on 87 different colours of paper . I want to take a Sharpie and write , " See forms from last year . Please just write 2011 on every page and consider me finished . " I don 't know how that would fly . Something tells me my picture would end up on the office door with a red circle and hash mark through it . I was happily plotting the design for the rocking chair I 'm painting when my friend made a comment about painting fairies or something similarly girlie . I don 't paint fairies . In fact , I really stink at figurative painting . If I tried , I 'm sure the auction attendees would wonder who thought a troll would be a good design on a little girl 's rocking chair . Pawing through old magazines and children 's books , I searched for inspiration for a fairy or some other super girly image to get my creative juices flowing that direction , but I just can 't do it . Maybe there 's a way to make polka dots look like fairies . Ha . What 's the worst that could happen ? I bought this unfinished chair at least ten years ago and it 's just been sitting in the garage gathering dust . There 's a huge stash of paint in the studio , so there 's been no big investment in materials . I just got through posting about this being one of those projects that was stress - free for me , and now I 'm stressing . Time to let it go , paint what I want and pass it along , hoping the chair finds a home with a little girl that likes it as much as I do . So there . That , and I won 't be at the auction to stress more . I 'll imagine everyone loves it and tell my friend to make up a ridiculously huge , big fat fib of a sale price just to make me feel better . That ' works ! I 'm having a really good time plotting the design for the little rocking chair I 'm painting and love checking the mail and finding more fabric for the quilt has arrived . I feel like I should sport a string of pearls and kitten heels or an apron . Just call me Betty Crocker . Starting a new art project has often been a real challenge for me . How often have I fussed about that dilemma ? Sitting in a studio surrounded by a million different art supplies isn 't motivating and often results in time spent less productively than if I were just roaming the house and doing chores . I have to keep in mind when I 'm cursing in frustration near the studio window that there are little kids next door . Oops . This evening I 'll have my favorite six - year - old visiting for a bit while her mom works late . She always wants to play in the studio which gets me thinking about new and simpler ways to use the art stuff I have on hand . Of course , then there 's the challenge of trying to get through the evening without the little smarty pants calling me a bird killer . Two times she 's come over and those are the days the kamikaze finches do their thing . She 's under the impression that I must have a hand in the death of the birds because there 's just always a dead twirper near the bird feeder . Her first words are always , " So , any dead birds ? " at which point she stomps over to the bird feeder and gives me a look of total surprise when she DOESN ' T find one . Well , I started off thinking it would be a fun evening . Now I feel like I need a lawyer . Ugh . An article appeared in a recent issue of one of my favourite magazines on the topic of hair removers . As a 50 - year - old woman , this is serious business . Our husbands lose their hair as they age ; we become feminine versions of wooly mammoths . It 's revolting . So of course , I read all of the little blurbs hoping for news of a pain - free modern miracle and quick , permanent fix . I see the item that the author describes as the " best at - home wax , " the description for which reads , " Yes , the pain is on par with that of pro waxing , but so are the results . " My first thought is that a pro would not stop mid - yank while screaming . I tried waxing my legs once . Once . I remember that frantic point where I yanked and screamed at such a high pitch that I set off car alarms and neighborhood dogs started howling . I then freaked out about HOW I was going to get this instrument of pain and horror off because I SURE as heck wasn 't going to complete the yank . There 's the blow dryer , a heating pad to melt the goo , begging the husband to yank and promising not to kick him in the head ( he heard the scream and was worried ) Never , ever again . I 'd rather be mistaken for Sasquatch . Then there was the gizmo touted as the " Best Investment , " the Tria hair removal laser . It reads , " Aim the beam onto the skin to halt hair growth , just like at a dermatologist 's office . " A tester reported that " it stings " but after twice - monthly sessions for six months , she happily reported " no more stubble or shaving . " Really ? Six months ? Am I willing to zap myself once , feel the sting , and then keep doing it ? For six months ? I think not . Anyway , my first thought on this little toy was that it would be a great Plan B for waking up the teen . The alarm goes off , he doesn 't get up , so I zap him . " Really , Officer , he had a stray chin hair and I was just trying to help . " That 's my story and I 'm sticking to it . I think it would be as effective as the air horn , but not hurt MY ears ( or chin ) . My friend Deb asks me every year for donations of my artwork for the Boys & Girls Club holiday auction . She called me this morning to double check - was I still willing to make a quilt and paint a child 's rocking chair for the auction ? I said yes . OMG , it 's due in a month ! There 's nothing like a deadline to reinforce the need to schedule studio time . I had the chance to say no , but I just couldn 't . Frankly , there 's a part of me that loves the fact that someone other than my husband will buy my work this year . Ha . Now all I have to do is find someone to stand behind me with an air horn every time I appear distracted , blogging or flipping through a magazine instead of working . I joke about having an " out , " but the commitment really is not a bad thing . These are the two projects I can pull off without stress . Sewing and painting furniture are so relaxing for me , so my only pressure is having an actual deadline . We talked about the design of the rocking chair and whether she should list it as for a boy or a girl . I told her that unless I painted dump trucks or footballs on it , it 's perceived as being for a girl . When my son was an infant and toddler , I struggled with finding clothes and decor for his room that didn 't have sports junk on it . Golf clubs for a six - month - old ? Really ? What a pain in the neck . Since a few of the board members have new baby girls in the family , that made it easy - it 'll be a rocking chair for a little girl ; - ) I start working on everything on Saturday . Apropos of nothing , I broke the rules last weekend and took just one photo at the Laguna Arts Festival . I regret that I can 't provide the identity and proper credit for the artist ( I ran away after the camera clicked ! ) , but I can report that this is the product of a school - aged artist . There is always a section with art created by students in kindergarten through grade 12 . This piece was in the area exhibiting older students ' work . This dragon is made of plastic utensils and was amazing ! To the artist , I 'm really sorry but I just had to share . You rock . The best part of the show was meeting April Raber , the artist that created the beautiful " Mandala " painting that we just hung in the living room . What a wonderful treat ! Even nicer was the flood of wonderful , warm and heartfelt praise of April from every single artist with whom we spoke about our most recent purchase . Coming home without artwork is pretty much impossible for us ; - ) We met so many incredible artists whose work I would love to have in my home ( self - taught painter Paul Bond , ceramic artist Carol Tripp Martens ) , many of whom were happy to talk about their art . We bought a small piece from Stephanie Cunningham , an artist that creates " duets " with Betty Haight . Stephanie paints beautiful landscapes and Betty creates lovely figurative work , both of them incorporating other media . The two canvases are joined and a story is created , written on a tag and tucked into the backside of the work . The notion of collaborative work is fascinating to me . I asked Stephanie who wins when they disagree on which pieces should be joined . She smiled and reported that she wins because it 's her husband that joins the pieces . LOL . I told her that I 'd often thought of putting an ad in the local paper soliciting artsy friends . It would be fun to have a partner in creativity ! For now , I 'm happily plodding along with the collaborative art journal project with my sister Lisa . She 's continues to be much more productive than I am . The inspiration of the art festival came at the right time and offered a gentle kick in the caboose to get moving on my end of the project . My son will be back in school in a little over a week , and I 'm making a mid - year resolution to schedule studio time as if it were a job starting on Monday . We 'll see how much I accomplish ! A friend took me to lunch this last week and we spent a few hours catching up with each other . I shared with her the challenge of a recent dinner at the university where my husband works . My table mates were a former congressman / now senior administrator , two college / university presidents , and faculty . Everyone at the table but me had a Ph . D . or was in the process of completing one . I think the thought most often occupying my mind was , " Duh . " Seriously . I was unable to participate in any conversation ( something anyone that knows me well would claim to be impossible ; - ) My girlfriend asked me why I didn 't share that I was an artist , and I about choked on my iced tea . She gave me a stern look , told me that I was incredibly talented , a true artist , and then suggested quite seriously that I might need electroshock therapy to snap me out of my lack of confidence . That was a good laugh ! It was also a good reminder to relax , and remember that there may be a lot of folks with a Ph . D . that don 't know how to pronounce " giclee " and probably think gesso is some kind of frozen dessert . Bahaha . That 's my story and I 'm sticking to it to make me feel better . ; - ) No comments : After a lengthy and unplanned break from art , I have made my way back into the studio . Earlier this week I delved into the art journal project . I tore down watercolor paper , folded and stitched it and have a lovely and stark white blank art journal . My sister had a fun idea of each of us doing the artwork on our respective journals , then swapping them for the other to do the writing , and finally returning them so that we each have a shared project . I love the idea ! Tomorrow I start on painting the pages . Sewing is always my fall - back stress reliever , great when I feel panic from deadlines or just cranky from having a teenager . Ha . Today I worked on a quilt until my back screamed from bad posture . Regardless of the discomfort , I continue to find time at the machine or pinning or just cutting to be so relaxing . The best artsy moment of the day came with the delivery of a wonderful painting . Last year , my husband and I enjoyed a wonderful day at the Laguna Arts Festival in Laguna Beach . As I turned a corner , moving from one artist 's work to another , I was stopped in my tracks at the sight of a large painting . I was quite literally and inexplicably moved to tears . It took a moment to place the subject , the ferris wheel at the Santa Monica Pier . I have only been to the pier twice and can 't figure out why it moved me so but for the sheer beauty of the piece . Alas , the painting was unaffordable for us at the time and , sadly , we had to walk away from it . Here we are one year later , and my husband surprised me with the news that he hunted down the artist , called her , and found that the painting was unsold and sitting wrapped up in storage . The painting was delivered today . I have a lovely addition to artwork in my home , all of which I 'm so happy to look at every day . Every piece of art in my home has deep meaning to me , beyond just the pleasure of the visual . I am proud to call some of the artists represented my friends , and I am grateful to be surrounded by inspiration to be creative . What a couple of days ! The " big " school year - end pool party we throw every year turned out pretty small . The last two years , cool weather caused some kids to hold back in the belief that it might rain . This time we moved our party to a nice , hot weekend , but I think the fact that it was on a holiday weekend hurt us . Of the 35 kids invited , only two had the manners to call and RSVP as the invitation required . My charming son insisted that at least 19 told him they were coming , but only about ten showed . Those ten included two that told me personally they were not going to be able to make it . Has the world lost its collective mind and forgotten the purpose of RSVP ' ing ? We had soooo many hamburgers , hot dogs and unopened bags of chips in the house . It won 't go to waste with two teens coming to visit for a week , but it 's not a good thing for a hungry woman on Weight Watchers to have to face . Ack ! My weigh - in this morning was not happy . I 'm up a little over a pound . I thought I 'd been so good , then remembered last weekend and the trip to a restaurant without thinking enough about all I ate and drank . Whoops . Add to my hunger the not - so - fun and sometimes daily grind of being the mother to attitude - on - legs . Sometimes I can blow it off , and other days I find myself wanting to whack that boy upside the head , but of course I don 't . I shouldn 't say of course . I really , really wanted to at least whip out the air horn and just blast it until I felt better and his ears were ringing . Everyone says this ungrateful , eyeball rolling , gasping and wheezing attitude on his part is normal , but it doesn 't make me any less cranky . Fuss , fuss , fuss . I 'm going to get it out of my system and then let it go . Well THIS has been an amusing exercise ! So I 've been doing the daily exercises in my drawing lab book , one of which was the blind contour drawing of a giraffe . Guffaw . That 's no giraffe ! Next I tried the same technique drawing a cow . It 's as goofy as the " giraffe . " Looking for some sign of hope that this could improve , I immediately go to my expert Debbie who , in her always wonderfully cheerful and glass overflowing attitude , encourages me to keep at it and have fun . Time to whip out the pen and sketchbook . I was very excited about the prospect of starting an art journal , inspired by Teesha Moore 's videos . I told my sister about it , and she 's already gotten started ! I didn 't have all of the materials I needed , so of course I 'm behind . I found a web site from which I can order individual panpastels , the recommended watercolour paper , and I found the Sharpie paint pens at Michaels this last week . I 'm always planning , but not so much making . Today I 'm going to at least go through my paper stash and old magazines , pulling pictures that have good colour and texture to use . The topic for my art journal is going to be really easy . I 'm stressed liked a maniac right now . Facebook has been a good place to share a little with friends about the stress of considering moving , but those friends just don 't get it . Well , most of them don 't . They are thinking of the fun of decorating a new place and the fun of exploring a new neighborhood . That would have been the case before I had kids . But Kevin is 16 and about the start the last two years of high school . We weren 't seriously considering moving once he hit high school . That was just the deal . I was ALWAYS the new kid , growing up in an always - moving military family and moving several times in high school . My husband moved after his first year of high school and was devastated , leaving the idyllic beauty of Sonoma , CA behind for a rough and unfriendly community for his final three years of school . The dilemma we face is timing . Not having planned to sell our current home any time soon , we are aware of major issues that would have to be addressed before putting it on the market - the exterior walls in the back have visible damage ( it 's just an old house ) , paint on the sunny side is peeling and in desperate need of a new paint job , the rain gutters were removed the last time it was painted and not replaced , and we 've got termites . There 's more , but those are the biggies . There 's no dancing around those issues in the hope that a prospective buyer won 't notice . We 're getting ready for house guests , followed by a lengthy vacation . Even were the housing market fabulous , it can 't be sold before school starts . I WON ' T move him after the school year starts . It seems an easy decision . Drop the notion of moving . But my husband is exhausted from an hour - long commute twice a day for years and years , finally having the opportunity to buy in a neighborhood near his work that was previously way , way , way out of our price range . Here 's hoping that art can soothe my rattled nerves today . And tomorrow . Because heaven knows that stupid Crystal Light margarita isn 't doing it for me ! : - ) I 'm also going through drawing exercises in a book I just bought to help loosen me up in that arena ( my artsy friends know just how much I blow at drawing ) , enjoying the silly outcome and the practice of it instead of worrying about the quality . That , too , I think is good for the artsy soul . Time to sketch ! I think one of the big reasons for my getting so little art done is that I flounder about exactly what to do . As I 've fussed over and over about , there are so many areas in which I wish I were skilled , but I always let those too - many ideas block me from making progress . As my good friend has advised , narrow it down ! I love working with fabric and paint . That 's probably what I enjoy most about my figurative work / art dolls so much . They give me the opportunity to make a single piece that incorporates painting and sewing , with a little bit of playing with clay . But sometimes the stress of the sculpting part takes the fun out of it ( I know , I induce the stress myself which is totally dumb and a waste of time ) , but I 've been looking at book after book about projects that include both the fabric and paint and just hadn 't found anything that excited me . Yesterday I was looking at an old copy of Artful Blogging and a very colourful spread caught my eye . I went to the artist 's blog and looked around until I hit the jackpot . It wasn 't until I saw Teesha Moore 's videos on art journals that I got really , really excited about a new project . The journals include everything I love doing , from using the bright fabrics and hand quilting bits to make journal covers , to the collage techniques in the individual pages . I thought of other things I 'd add , including personal images on fabric and interesting embellishments , and am so eager to start . I have journaled since I was 12 and this is a great time to incorporate the journaling with art . I really can 't wait ! I can try the sketching ideas that my friend Debbie has helped with , and talk with my sister about ideas for painting cloth . . . the ideas are swimming in my head in a GOOD way for a change ! How fun to dip into the stash for something new and different . It 's so nice to sit in the studio , even if it is just to upload photos from the camera to the computer , then the computer to the web . I played a little with Corel and my Bamboo tablet for a little artsy fun too . It 's been too long ! My first big time commitment was having my " old " friend Julie visit for a week from Georgia . We had not seen each other since we were in Middle School in 1974 ! I was nervous , hoping we 'd still like each other . What a terrific and pleasant surprise . I 'm sure I blabbered her ears off ( I 'm so shy ; - ) because she was remarkably easy to talk with and laugh ! We laughed a lot and it was so much fun . We enjoyed a lot of wine on the deck in the evenings and got to know each other again . I only wish I 'd had a little makeup handy before I said , " Cheese ! " Hahaha . Next came getting the house ready for my charming husband 's birthday celebration . Why , oh why , do I decide to make major improvements right before a party ? This is going to sound so shallow , but I was nervous about his Orange County co - workers coming to our little ( old ) house for the first time and seeing peeling plaster around the front door , the unfinished bathroom in the laundry room that I was sure would be used . I made myself bonkers , but the house sure looks great . We had a wonderful gathering of friends and enjoyed a fantastic backyard barbecue , catered so that we could really enjoy our friends . It was just the best . My sister and her children will be visiting from MN in early July , but they are the easiest and most relaxing house guests in the world . It will be nice to enjoy time with family , especially since Lisa is an artist and inspires me so much . We are plotting projects or swaps that we can do together , motivating me to get back into the swing of things . I look at my friend Debbie 's work and re - read her advice often , encouraging me to do something every day . Now I can again . Time to work on that balance between being a mom and making art . I still can 't seem to find the time to make anything . I 've had a busy time with a long - time friend whom I haven 't seen since 1974 visiting for a while , in addition to making home repairs , getting ready for a big party this next week ( H 's birthday ) , family visiting soon after that , then vacation . Whoohoo ! We were quite serious about our New Year 's resolution of returning to entertaining . Seems there 's a trade off that I hadn 't thought about . Today I received a survey request from an online source for inspiration as well as art supplies . The survey asked the usual questions about age , etc . Then there was a looong list of activities to tick off in terms of activities I 'd done in the last year . There were a lot of choices , but I didn 't have many boxes to tick . Oops . The list was a reminder of all the things I COULD be doing , but haven 't . I was able to check off that I 've sewn something , quilted something , purchased a bound book , made an ATC ( along with something else that 's skipping around in the back of my head that I can 't recall . . . ) and more that I wish I 'd tried . Another goal for the year ! As busy as this week is sure to be , I 'm going to try to set aside just a pinch of art time . What to do with so little time and so many choices ? ! ? Maybe just a few short sketches a la Debbie 's suggested method , maybe an ATC . In any event , I 'll get a little something done . Then it 's party time ! The " When I Find Time " of my blog title is so spot on these days . After the PC was assulated by a wicked , wicked trojan that has kept me working on restoring it 's life for DAYS , I 've had little time to think about art . Except for yesterday evening . Long - time friends know that I come from one heck of a wonky family . My parents were bonkers , and my relationship with my sisters was challenging because of that wonkiness . In the past year , I 've had the absolute joy and pleasure to get to know my older sister in a way that is completely new and foreign to me . As she said when we talked yesterday ( for more than two hours ! ) , we are now friends . For some people , I 'm sure that this is a bizarre notion , NOT feeling friendly or close with siblings . But we had a very challenging upbringing , a good sized age gap , and she was gone and on her own on the opposite coast by the time I was 13 years old . That 's a big bridge to gap . We grew up with nothing in common but the same parents and siblings . Quite literally . Lisa is a terrific person , happy and cheerful , positive and knows how to roll with the punches . She 's also a terrific artist . She calls with ideas about things we can both do , with me in California and her in Minnesota , bridging the gap with the phone and computer . I 'm determined to find more of that artistic time so that we can share in creating together . I 've gotten great advice my my cyber - buddy Debbie to help steer the course and expect to make good on that adventure . While I went to the fabric store to pick up some buttons , I decided to check out the overpriced craft books . Haven 't I sworn off the books ? Oops . I found the book Collage Lab by Bee Shay . I 've always enjoyed looking at good collage work , but have never attempted it myself and find it intimidating . It 's easy to just glue junk to a surface , but hard to make it look thoughtfully composed . In the introduction , the author notes that she found herself fighting her long - time original skill sets in a struggle to learn new ways to express her artistic self . Heck , I 'd take just having a good long - time skill set ! The book is filled with labs that can be done in any order and encourages exploring and experimenting with materials and techniques and " is about getting your hands moving and getting your head out of the way . " Just what I need ! As I 've expressed many times before , I find it frustrating to sit in a studio surrounded by so many art - making materials with a blank brain and an empty hand . I needed a teeny , tiny nudge that meant getting my hands dirty and just playing with a single baby step to get me moving ahead and try to develop a new set of skills without an end project in mind . The first step involved creating a basic gesso surface on watercolor paper , tinting the gesso just a bit with a pale acrylic so I could see what I was doing . I didn 't create any masterpiece , but that was the fun in this play day . No pressure ! I did appreciate having prompts to follow and asking myself the questions about what worked , what didn 't work , what happens when multiple layers of gesso are applied , what tools / items can be used to manipulate the surface . . . it was very relaxing . This is what I ended up with . I used a rubber stamp in the yellow one , the end of the paintbrush handle in the pink one , and a shim that had been nicked on the edges for texture . I was inspired enough to just goof off with the extra piece of watercolor paper I had left and play with watercolor pencils and liquid acrylics . While I have a few errands to run tomorrow , I should be able to find the time for another one of the gesso labs . My husband was in China for over a week , so I had the perfect opportunity to work in the studio without pressure . Not that he adds pressure , but I pressure myself to spend time doing things like mopping up coffee spills from the kitchen floor or grocery shopping before I make art which never seems to happen these days . I was so worried and so stressed for so much of the time that I just froze . No more ! I 'm going to get on the ball and , to quote Lisa Vollrath , just make something ! It may not be a big or major something , but I need to get into the practice of making art every day . In the meantime , I 'm enjoying my husband 's tales of his big adventure . As an Air Force brat , I have traveled a lot , including a three year tour of duty in the Philippines . This trip to China was his first to Asia . He brought me a most magnificent black pearl and diamond pendant along with a couple of gorgeous fans , newspapers ( my funny reqeust ) and the mandatory refrigerator magnets ( a regular addition to our collection for any trip we make , whether as a family or solo ) . I 'm glad I was able to help him prepare for the trip , including making sure he got the appropriate injections and medications ( the " just in case " kind ) . He had a magnificent trip . We were up until 2 : 30 a . m . with him sharing photos and stories . I can 't wait until he retires and we can make these trips together . He 's a terrific and really funny travel buddy . We ARE the Simpsons ! Tomorrow the focus returns to art . I 've goofed around and allowed myself to be distracted , but I 'm going to get back to business . I 'll have to post whatever I do . There 's some pressure ! : - ) I love pulling weeds just as it 's starting to rain . The brisk breeze and refreshing drizzle is invigorating . There isn 't often time to get much done before it hits hard , but I try . This week , the dying basil had to come out . I have no idea what was ailing the plants because I have absolutely no clue what I 'm doing out there . Posting photos of the few miracles that occur in my garden might lead someone to think I have a lovely garden . This , for example , is one of the blooms on the chive plant that I believe would survive a nuclear bomb ( thus I will be planting more ) . But then there 's the truth of the matter . It 's a good thing that my herb garden is in the back yard where there are fewer witnesses . This is what the raised bed garden that I had built last year looks like today . That 's one huge Italian flat leaf parsley plant , just beyond the spot where I pulled out the basil . Just beyond that are a couple of newer herbs - tarragon and rosemary - and the anemic pepper plants barely visible at the far end . I laugh every time I go outside and look at them . In any event , I enjoy digging in the dirt and making believe that I can garden . The other herb garden has a crazy mass of oregano and thyme . For the garden challenged , plant those if you want to feel successful outdoors . On the art front , I 've been messing around and re - working one of my figurative pieces . I can 't say it looks much better , but I 'm trying to just play , see what happens , and enjoy the solitude in the studio . My creative juices are a bit muddled and syrupy instead of free - flowing . I 'll go poke some dirt for a while , then head to the studio and goof off . Maybe I never finish this one and just experiment with wires , fibers and whatever else I can lay my hands on . We 'll see what comes of the effort today . What a day . I made what probably wasn 't the best decision today , to skip working out ( again ) in lieu of studio time . I 'll cut back on the chardonnay tonight to make up for it ! : - ) I 'm trying to address that artistic atrophy , blank brain thing I 've had going on . As I fussed about to my FB friends , I have been frustrated with the fact that my most recent piece of reminiscent of Muammar Gaddafi in an ugly and depressing wedding dress . Convinced it was just wrong , wrong , wrong , I removed the fabric and started messing with wire salvaged from the ongoing garage renovation . After some cursing , bleeding and rummaging through every tool in my bucket to wrestle wire out of it 's rubbery coffin , I started to play . The problem is that it still looks wrong . I went back to my favourite spot for words of encouragement , our little roundtable , to re - read and really take in words of wisdom from my best cyber - buddies - let it go . Just play without worrying , let it happen naturally , see what happens next and listen to the piece . Boy , that 's hard to do when I don 't practice often enough ! Today , I 'm doing my best . The piece still looks a bit like Gaddafi , but I can play with that later . Time to relax and see what happens . I picked up the figurative piece that I started a couple of months ago and just put down because I didn 't know what to do next . Unfortunately , I 've been tweaking at it today with " Say Yes to the Dress " playing in the background ( it 's that , or I have lengthy talks with the cats so I don 't feel the solitude ) and the stitching I 've been doing looks like unfortunate " pick ups " that are popular on wedding dresses . Yikes ! It 's one of the projects that I just pick at , poke at and mess with , all without a plan . I fear it 's looking like there was no plan . The exercise is , however , therapeutic . This week I had the greatest fortune to find two former teachers from my first year living in the Philippines when I was ten years old . One of the two taught art , the only art class I 've ever taken . I found her web site and blog and spent a lot of time reading it this morning , marveling in her beautiful work and creative spirit . She made a comment that really smacked me upside the head , today in particular . My friend Debbie has made the point as well , and I 'm really trying to model the notion today . Forgive my clumsy paraphrasing ! When we copy and copy , our own creative skills atrophy . That word - atrophy - was what made me stop in my tracks . As I 've blabbered about before , I find myself spending much more time looking for ideas and prompts in books , magazines and film than I do making art . The one thing that I do that is 100 % mine is the figurative work that I started making about fifteen years ago . So this morning , after reading Ms . Carrasco 's words and re - reading Debbie 's , I marched into the studio and got to work . Ok , first I hemmed a pair of new jeans ( two sizes smaller - whoohoo ! ! ! ) , but then I shoved everything aside and picked up the piece that 'd been resting all this time . It 's still a bit of a hot mess , but I 've really enjoyed the time surrounded by my hot mess , needles and thread . Thank you Debbie . Thank you Ms . Carrasco . Thank you Ms . Braden for telling me that you are still in touch with Ms . Carrasco so that I could find her web site . Thank you for encouraging me without even knowing that you have done so . It 's funny what inspires me to get back to making art . I 've spent the last week freaked out about keeping the house tidy . It 's dumb , but I 've had a constant parade of electricians and contractors from our garage renovation tromping through the house ( the access to our attic is via a drop - down ladder in the hallway ) and I just can 't stand the notion of anyone seeing it messy . Back pain or not , I 'm determined to keep the place decent and focused more on folding laundry and vacuuming ( sorry , doctor , it had to be done ) than smooshing clay or sewing . At the end of each of their work day here , I head out to the garage to check on the renovation progress . The first day , I noticed the end cuts of the lumber used to frame the roof and immediately thought of using them as bases for my figurative work or for slicing to make wood ATC 's or carve for stamping / printing . The next day I was throwing out the trash and appreciating that the crew clean up after themselves every day , but I spotted all the copper wire they threw out and did my own version of dumpster diving . Who knows what I 'll find this afternoon ? ! ? I can find inspiration in a hardware store : - ) Finding ways to include odds and ends into an art piece is almost more fun than the clay work or painting . The sketch book is back out and I 'm drafting ideas for the next piece . For additional fun , I 've decided to paint a toddler - sized rocking chair for the next benefit auction . I like having two projects going so I can switch between the two when one is giving me a hard time or I hit a creative block on the other . Oh , happy day . I couldn 't resist a second post . Having to stay home and forced to have time to play , I goofed off quite a bit with the Bamboo tablet thingy and Photoshop Elements . It 's amazing how much a simple line drawing can be tweaked with the tap of a finger ! I did a quick wiggly image just to play with , trying to figure out code like , " Dodge " and " linear burn . " Confident I would flunk a test on the topic , I still had a blast playing . This is fun stuff ! This week I 've tried to get some time in the studio while I deal with home issues , but it 's been a challenge . The biggest and most time consuming project we have ongoing is the renovation of our raggedy old garage . Our house was built in 1955 , so the bazillion - ton nasty garage door is years past its prime . We decided to replace the garage door and get an opener other than the 2x4 piece of lumber we 've been using to prop it open . It 's a miracle that no one has been killed ! To install a garage door , we have to actually have a ceiling , not just the flimsy criss - cross of junk wood to which the former homeowner precariously attached a non - functioning garage door opener . The boys of the house have been talking about remodeling the garage and putting in a train table for years . The time has come . Right now , everything we had in the garage is on the deck . Worse , the place best suited to protect all of the precious holiday decorations and my power tools is the portion of the deck that is the first thing a visitor sees when they walk in my house . We look like we 're waiting for the film crew for the tv show " Hoarders " to arrive . I have to explain to everyone coming in that we do not save everything we 've ever received . It just looks like it . This will be my living room view for the next four to five weeks , all the more reason to hide out in the studio as frequently as possible . So I thought it would be fun to really play with the Bamboo graphics tablet that my son gave me for my birthday . The first go with the tutorial was constantly interrupted , so I really needed to just play with it and figure out how the beast works . The laughs I got this afternoon were priceless . I mentioned previously the notion of getting even with my son when he 's a beast by posting photos of him that he might not appreciate . This is the best one of all ! Look what I can do ! ! ! Bahahahaha ! I 'm going to take it down after 48 hours , but I couldn 't resist sharing with the few friends I have that visit my blog . If you can 't really see it , the " skirt " is a mass of butterfly stamps ( he has always been " startled " by butterflies ) and the heart reads , " Mom . " He heard me laughing and interrupted his studies to see what was so funny and even he laughed . He muttered , " Not nice , " then turned his face away and tried to hide that he was cracking up . I 'm glad he has a sense of humour . Just playing in here today has reawakened the " I need to make art ! " in me . It 's been hibernating . At some point I have to cook dinner ( ugh ) , but will put it off and play in here for as long as I can get away with it . The last few months I 've felt pulled too many directions and feel unfocused . I want to make art , but I 'm struggling so much with this stupid weight battle . Since my wonderful husband joined Weight Watchers with me , I am actually making progress like I have never been able to manage in the past . Working out is something I really hate doing . My rosacea flares so I look like the tomato dude from Veggie Tales for hours , it takes up SO much time . However , there is no choice right now . It 's either shed these extra pounds , or risk the very serious health problems that plague my family . I vow to schedule a bit of studio time every day , starting with just 30 minutes ( and running longer as time permits ) , treating that booked time as an important appointment . I 'm going to review advice from my mentor and get back to daily exercises to get my brain back on the creative track . And my caboose will take up much less space on the studio chair at the end of it all ! Ha . With zillions of blogs on the world wide web , I thought it might be fun to look at new blogs just to see what people are doing . For some reason , the blogs that popped up when I ticked on the " Next Blog " button were all very religious in nature , one after another . It 's not that I have anything against religious themed blogs , but I worry about lightening strikes . I drink wine , I might curse when the Lakers are playing and the refs make lousy calls , and I go to Weight Watchers on Sunday mornings , yelling out , " OK , we 're heading to church now ! " in case a neighbor is out as I get in the car with my coffee . I think a few are suspicious . Anway , I wondered what steers the path of the " Next Blog " button , and Googled for an answer . What I found was appalling . Someone had a blog post about this issue . There is a place where blog surfers can fill in the blank , " I hate the Next Blog button because . . . . " and some savage actually wrote " It only gives me " crafts " blogs by American housewives ( I hate crafts blogs ) . " Ack ! Is my blog a craft blog ? I 'm an American housewife . I 'm feeling thicker skin , though , because I got a good chuckle . The pattern took a while to notice . Garbage day always brings the prettiest sunsets . Looking through my file of sunset photos , there are the ever - present trash cans at the curb . Lovely . Perhaps I should spend a little more time familiarizing myself with the clone tool in Photoshop and reading the articles on how to remove unwanted images from a photo , but my eyes cross when the language turns technical ! In the meantime , I can still appreciate the view and just had to share . The porker in the rear clearly can 't read the bag which is distinctly marked as finch food . It is not a finch . It annoys me to no end that is parks its huge caboose in the middle of the bird food , intimidating many of the little twirpers I am trying to attract . My yelling , " You are NOT a FINCH ! " scares them off for a while ( along with the finches , alas ) , but the porkers are back an hour later . Wicked , wicked birds . With the frequent extremes in weather changes , I 've found myself spending whatever sunny time we get in the garden instead of the studio . I maintain my rule as Queen Killer Thumb , evidently the worst gardener in the city limits . The raised bed garden I had constructed last year has yielded a huge basil plant which is quickly being taken over by some sort of basil - killing disease or jungle rot or something . The tarragon has about three pathetic leaves remaining , and the jalapeno pepper plant has a few anemic peppers and another three or four leaves . Oh , the clover is growing like mad ! Sigh . Two avocado trees sprouted in the middle of my irises in the other planting bed . Good grief . The raccoons are better gardeners . Not one to give up entirely , I purchased a few packets of seeds to sow - purple tomatillas , cilantro , leeks and radishes . If I can 't grow radishes , I 'm chopping up the frame of the garden for firewood ! Well , I 'll at least say a few bad words and then hide the evidence of my likely failure . I think I 'm better off in the studio . My poor husband is home , sick as can be . Tomorrow will be a good day to spray him with disinfectant , run and hole up in the studio to whoop up some art . 1 comment : I would rather be funny than thin ( I am ) , and I would rather be charitable of heart than beautiful ( I am ) , but wouldn 't complain if I were offered the thin and beautiful too ! Creativity is something with which I struggle , either because my mind goes a mile and minute and I have a hard time focusing , or because I 'm being pulled too many directions and distracted with real life . I blog to help me focus on creativity or just to work out my demons .
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When I was teaching English in Budapest , I had a group of adult intermediate level speakers with whom I got on smashingly . Probably because the class was in the evening , they were relaxed , mildly inappropriate and willing to do all the crazy language exercises I did with them in lieu of a textbook . They liked to quiz me on how to get from point A to point B in Budapest using only public transportation . On the last night of class , I walked into the classroom , the lights went out , and the students ( who had been waiting in the back of the room ) paraded up to the front of the class , single file , led by their classmate , Zoltan , a midget , carrying a book of Hungarian art with a candle - topped cupcake burning on top . It was like something out of a David Lynch film . Because very few people in Hungary had telephones in their homes at that time , I would leave my address on the chalkboard after our final class if I really clicked with a group of students ( that seems so foolish to me now ) . On a Saturday about a month later , there was a knock on my door . I opened the peep " hatch , " and seeing nothing , I closed it and went about my business ( the alcoholic couple who lived next door had a grandson who like to liked to play knock - knock ditch ) . And then another knock . I did the same thing , my annoyance plainly visible and audible , and then a high - pitched but gruff voice , " Hi ! It 's me . Zoltan . " Looking down , I saw him , bundled up against the cold , a stocking cap with a pom - pom on top almost covering his eyes . Embarassed but happy to see him , I invited him in and my boyfriend and I offered him a drink . He asked if we had any tea , so I put the kettle on . The apartment was insanely small and I remember worrying that he was going to burn his face on the stove as he chatted with me in the kitchen standing very close to the open flame . Zoltan stayed for six hours that day . We learned a lot about his life . He lived with his mother . He was a door - to - door salesman of children 's books , and before that , of doorknobs ( I kid you not ) . He loved worPosted by One of the sexiest , saddest , funniest , sweetest things ever written in the English language : And Jacky Caffrey shouted to look , there was another and she leaned back and the garters were blue to match on account of the transparent and they all saw it and they all shouted to look , look , there it was and she leaned back ever so far to see the fireworks and something queer was flying through the air , a soft thing , to and fro , dark . And she saw a long Roman candle going up over the trees , up , up , and , in the tense hush , they were all breathless with excitement as it went higher and higher and she had to lean back more and more to look up after it , high , high , almost out of sight , and her face was suffused with a divine , an entrancing blush from straining back and he could see her other things too , nainsook knickers , the fabric that caresses the skin , better than those other pettiwidth , the green , four and eleven , on account of being white and she let him and she saw that he saw and then it went so high it went out of sight a moment and she was trembling in every limb from being bent so far back that he had a full view high up above her knee where no - one ever not even on the swing or wading and she wasn 't ashamed and he wasn 't either to look in that immodest way like that because he couldn 't resist the sight of the wondrous revealment half offered like those skirtdancers behaving so immodest before gentlemen looking and he kept on looking , looking . She would fain have cried to him chokingly , held out her snowy slender arms to him to come , to feel his lips laid on her white brow , the cry of a young girl 's love , a little strangled cry , wrung from her , that cry that has rung through the ages . And then a rocket sprang and bang shot blind blank and O ! then the Roman candle burst and it was like a sigh of O ! and everyone cried O ! O ! in raptures and it gushed out of it a stream of rain gold hair threads and they shed and ah ! they were all greeny dewy stars falling with golden , O so lovely , O , soft , sweet , soft ! James Joyce , UlPosted by So , it 's Turkey Day , and of course I can 't let the opportunity to do some Pilgrim bashing pass me by ( cute buckles notwithstanding ) . The following excerpt is very long and somewhat boring , but PLEASE read it . I worked really hard cutting and pasting it from a different website : But here I cannot but stay and make a pause , and stand half amazed at this poor people 's present condition ; and so I think will the reader , too , when he well considers the same . Being thus passed the vast ocean , and a sea of troubles before in their preparation ( as may be remembered by that which went before ) , they had now no friends to welcome them nor inns to entertain or refresh their weatherbeaten bodies ; no houses or much less towns to repair to , to seek for succor . It is recorded in Scripture as a mercy to the Apostle and his shipwrecked company , that the barbarians showed them no small kindness in refreshing them , but these savage barbarians , when they met with them ( as after will appear ) were readier to fill their sides full of arrows than otherwise . And for the season it was winter , and they know that the winters of that country know them to be sharp and violent , and subject to cruel and fierce storms , dangerous to travel to known places , much more to search an unknown coast . Besides , what could they see but a hideous and desolate wilderness , full of wild beasts and wild men - - and what multitudes there might be of them they knew not . Neither could they , as it were , go up to the top of Pisgah to view from this wilderness a more goodly country to feed their hopes ; for which way soever they turned their eyes ( save upward to the heavens ) they could have little solace or content in respect of any outward objects . For summer being done , all things stand upon them with a weatherbeaten face , and the whole country , full of woods and thickets , represented a wild and savage hue . If they looked behind them , there was the mighty ocean which they had passed and was now as a main bar and gulf to separate them from all the civil parts of the worldPosted by Every year I teach Oedipus Rex to my senior world literature class . I always smile in delight when some boy in the class invariably says , " Dude ! He 's doing his mom ! " as the horror of realization dawns on him . And then I tell them this little story from my childhood . As you know , I grew up in a very small town . We did , however , have a " taxi " service in town , but nobody ever used it . In the first place , it wasn 't listed in the phonebook or anything ; it was more a word of mouth business . Secondly , it was owned and operated by the Zerfus family . ( My dad actually had to take the taxi to work once when I accidentally drained the battery in his truck by leaving the door ajar after making a hasty exit from a makeout session with my boyfriend in the garage . . . but that 's a story for another time . ) The Zerfuses were a freakish family , even by the standards of our town , which had more than its share of families with skeleton - stuffed closets , my own included . But the Zerfuses left their closet door open - - unpardonable . They lived about two blocks away from me , on the other side of the cemetery , in a white ranch house that looked like any other house in the neighborhood except for its peeling paint , its trash - strewn , unmowed yard and the torn red drapes that hung in the picture window . Otis Senior was never home . He practically lived at the American Legion . When it was closed , he drove around the town for hours at a time in his very old dark green Plymouth Fury III with the word " Taxi " spelled out in duct tape on the side . Mrs . Zerfus ( whose first name I never knew , nor did anybody else for that matter ) was insanely , wretchedly obese and practically a recluse . She could occasionally be seen riding shotgun with her husband when they went grocery shopping in the next town . Their only child , Otis Jr . ( the main character of this story ) , was anywhere from 20 to 30 years old and was well known to be clinically insane . My only personal experience with Otie Jr . was when I was in sixth grade . I had some girls over for a slumber party . WePosted by When we moved into our house , I found this two - inch metal figurine in the matchholder of our fireplace ( pardon the poor quality of the picture ) . Part Pan , part monkeyman , with more than one allusion to the devil ( note the hooves and broom which suggests a trident ) , it has become the most beloved of the creepy objects I possess ( but I 'll show you a piece of jewelry later that is a close second ) . Was this part of some child 's toy from a far less uptight era ( what with its sharpness , guaranteed lead content , and swallowability ) ? Was it a talisman of some kind ? Did the previous owner bring it , find it ? This needs a story ! Sounds like a job for Bev or Eva ( no pressure , ladies ) . Before you listen to this , plug your computer into the most powerful speakers you own and crank the bass . The best song around for ' Ho drivin ' . Oh , and enjoy the video , too . ( Sorry , it won 't embed . ) My prolificity has left me tired , dahlings . . . This is just for fun . ~ Anahttp : / / www . youtube . com / watch ? v = Rd96tPly9Ho About a year and a half ago , we had to have our yellow lab put to sleep . It was heart wrenching , and I was such a coward that I had to have my neighbor 's husband take her , something I 've regretted ever since . Wanting another animal , but not having time to properly care for a dog , we decided to adopt two kittens . I 've never been a " cat person . " When I was young , my mother had a black angora named Samson who taught me to respect and sort of hate cats . I find their unpredictability disturbing and I don 't really like anything that poops in a box , especially a box which I have to clean every day . But they can be cuddly in the wintertime and I was missing having an animal , so I decided to take the plunge into cat " ownership " ( as if ! ) . Upon arriving at the pound , I was disappointed to find they only had two cats " ready to go . " If I was going to do this , I didn 't need time to talk myself out of it . Unfortunately , one of the little buggers was off getting de - buggered , but I took him sight unseen after the hunky dogcatcher / poundkeeper assured me he was a nice kitty . The other feline was there but he was already over three months old and looked like a full grown cat next to the newly - weaned precious babies with whom he was housed . I tried to approach him , he hissed and ran away . Hunky dogcatcher assured me he really was a great cat but needed a firm and gentle approach ; he demonstrated this for me on frightened feline ( and for a minute I wished myself a cat ) and I could hear this cat purring even as he looked at me in terror . I 'm sure my head was muddled from standing so near perfect poundkeeper , but I giggled and agreed to take him , too . I was to return in two days to pick up them up - - if nothing else , I 'd get to see Dave ( ? ) Doug ( ? ) Mike ( ? ) again . . . Two days later , after much primping and preening , I arrived at the pound to pick up my new wards . " Elvis " ( the newly - castrated ) was adorable and sweet and tiny . " Mikey " ( the terrified hissing purring mess ) was completely tense and entirely pissed off . I wrote the check , said mPosted by I have a cousin who ran off with the circus when he was in eighth grade . And we 're talking in the mid sixties , not 1934 when people seemed to do such things . Barnum and Bailey 's had come to visit a Wisconsin " city " ( read town in any other part of the world ) about one hour from his home . My aunt took her four children to see The Greatest Show on Earth and returned one child short . There were weeks of waiting ( can you believe the woman never called the police ? ! ) and finally a phone call from the little fugitive stating he had run away with the circus and was never coming back . Aside from raising the obvious question of how rotten life must have been with my aunt that the circus became a viable option ( although I guess her failure to notify the authorities pretty much answers that ) , it has always seemed like a Huck Finn - esque story to me - - as unrealistic as Huck 's finding $ 6 , 000 in gold in a cave ( or was it $ 3 , 000 ? Whatever . ) or his staged death by violent cabin invaders and subsequent flight down the slow Mississippi with an escaped slave . But Gary is real . A real kid who ran away with a real circus . He became an elephant trainer and remained with the circus , aside from a two year hiatus when he purchased his own elephant and gave rides to kids at state fairs in Maine , New Hampshire and Massachusetts . What a bleak existence that must have been . He has been back with Barnum 's for six years now . He 's in charge of elephant " acquisitions . " I don 't know what this involves but I do know he travels to India every six months or so . I imagine horrible , under - the - table dealings for baby elephants and the exchange of wads of Barnum cotton - candy sticky cash . I know there are supposed to be humane laws protecting elephants , but sending them away to join circuses doesn 't seem like it should be legal . Gary used to be the black sheep in our family ; now he 's the family hero . Maybe because he had the audacity to run away with the circus , but more likely because , true to his word , he really never did go back home and we love a stubbornAna Knock - knock . Who 's there ? Duane . Duane who ? Duane the bathtub ! I 'm dwowning ! But seriously . . . Why I Believe in GhostsMy mom died when I was seven . Those of you who know me know that I am not morbidly sentimental about this - - it happened and it was sad and of course I still think of it , but this is not a sob story . It 's a ghost story and in a strange way , it 's a nice companion piece to my earlier post , " Mother 's Love . " Anyway , about one month before she died , we had moved to a new , larger small town in Wisconsin where my dad had gotten a better paying job as a refrigeration specialist at an ice cream factory ( seriously , people , you cannot imagine how many friends you have when your dad works at an ice cream factory . But that would come later . ) We were temporarily living in an apartment across the highway from the factory . She died quite unexpectedly and there we were - - me in a new town , awkwardly trying to make friends in an already - established group of second graders , my dad working a new job while trying to learn his role as " Mom " - - and both of us dealing with a fresh and painful grief . We had been the Cleavers in our life before she died . We lived in a white house with three large gardens and shrubs which my dad trimmed into geometrical shapes . I remember Mom handing him his lunchbox every morning as she kissed him goodbye and greeting him every evening with a brandy and seven . She was always there to meet my bus after school , always had dinner made by 5 : 30 . And after she was gone , life seemed strange indeed . We were living in a noisy apartment on a highway , Dad was working swing shifts , my next oldest sibling had just left for college , dinners were burned and now featured Spam and instant au gratin potatoes . I had to spend a lot of time alone until we could find a babysitter so the rules on days when he worked till 4 : 00 were as follows : come home from school , unlock apartment door , lock apartment door , turn on TV and wait for Dad . And don 't open that damn door for anybody , you hear ? About two weeks into this new liPosted by I have been constant to one man for thirteen years . He is my best friend , Rodrigo ( that 's not his real name - - his real name is even better - - this is the name he asked I use if I blog about him ) . We met when we were dating brothers . We lived so close that our back porches almost touched . We joked about making tin can phones and setting up a pulley system between our apartments . Well , those brothers are long gone , but we have held fast . We have seen each other through break ups , falling in love , more break ups , family issues , general feelings of malaise , periods of intense joy . For nine years straight we have gone to Provincetown , MA every summer to dance and drink and lie on the beach . He is endlessly patient , caring , and kind . Like me , he can be petulant and selfish , which is why I love him so much . Anyway , on Saturday ( after an incredible massage - - he 's a massage therapist ) we went to Boston 's South End for some bar hopping . I thought I 'd share the places we went and what we drank - - I think we ate but I can 't remember . He keeps me in touch with the city dweller I used to be . Stop # 1 : Gaslight Beverages : R ordered the Edith Piaf and I ordered L ' acolyte ( when I ordered it , I simply asked for the Acolyte - - the bartender said , " Oh , you mean " lah - co - leet ? " Whatever . . . the thing with the French brandy in it , lady . ) Check out the menu for the ingredients - - they were delicious . The bar looked like a silver jewelry tray . Highly recommended , snobby staff notwithstanding . Stop # 2 : Rocca Beverages : R ordered the Strata # 6 while I had a nice sangria . Fabulous interior , nice staff , awesome ladies ' room . Stop # 3 : Banq Beverages : We both ordered Dragonfires ( I think . . . Dragon somethings . . . things were getting fuzzy at this point ) . The hands - down coolest interior of any restaurant I 've ever seen . It 's like a cave but nicer and with toilets . Way too many bartenders - - all women , all bosomy , wearing black tank tops - - hmm . . . interesting for the four straight men who were there , at least . Stop # 4 : Club Cafe Beverages : R had the FrPosted by It occurred to me after posting my last entry that I have yet to talk about one of the last great passions in my life , my new Chevy Tahoe , or " The ' Ho . " But this is a complicated matter . . . I know it is completely unpractical ( although I have two small sons , we rarely do anything out of doors . It will never drive us to a skiing trip or convey us to whitewater rafting adventures . ) . It is better on gas than I had expected but I know it is environmentally irresponsible - - and I really DO care about the environment - - you should see my recycling contribution every two weeks ! I 'm not a litterbug and I almost never pour turpentine down the sewer grate at the base of our driveway . But here 's the thing . When I test drove this vehicle and felt the purr of her engine beneath me , that was it . Maybe it 's because I 'm short , maybe it 's because I learned how to drive on a Chevy Silverado and this is somehow related to regaining my youth or being like my father . I don 't know . I just love it . I come up with random excuses to go to the store and cruise the beach instead . It is undeniably superficial , materialistic , wasteful and selfish to love driving my ' Ho as much as I do . The first song I played on her amazing soundsystem was Joan Jett 's " I Hate Myself for Loving You . " Whenever someone jokingly comments on how it 's too big " for a girl of your size " or gives me a hard time at work for my horrible parking job , I apologize profusely . I admit to my weakness . Unlike my friend , Beverly , who feels the wonderful pull to be peevishly bad , I feel a compulsion to please , to confess , to prostrate myself , guilt stricken , in front of the judging hordes ( who probably don 't even exist and aren 't judging at all but I 'm paranoid , too ) . But enough . Here 's a video that I love . The truth hurts : On my way to work , I pass a man in a new red Chevy Silverado ( extended cab , full - size bed , chrome package ) heading in the opposite direction . If I leave the house at 7 : 02 every day , I 'm sure to see him . Even one minute earlier or later , and we miss each other . He waves to me , and recently I 've started waving back . Why does he do this ? Because I also drive a Chevy behemoth ? Is he flirting ? It seems strange to say this , but I look forward to this every day . I know from the Nascar stickers that I see in my rearview mirror that we would have little to nothing in common , but I like this strange , gas - guzzling connection we have . It 's just a friendly thing to do in an unfriendly world . When I was 20 , this was my favorite song . Can you tell I was young and romantic ? A better side of myself which is long since burned away . Poor little me ! http : / / www . youtube . com / watch ? v = Otk3uwxnn74 When I was about five years old , my brother caught me a wild baby bunny . He jumped right off a hay escalator and severely injured himself , but that rabbit was mine . Much to my surprise , upon arriving home with my new treasure , my only - cat - loving mother agreed to let me keep him . She even set up a cage for him in her immaculately clean kitchen . Life was great . Every day , I would come home from school , feed and pet " Hoppy " ( you can see originality was discouraged in our house ) . He was so cute , so soft , so fluffy ! And he was growing up . One day many months later , upon arriving home , my mother met me at the door to give me the bad news : she had taken Hoppy into the garden with her to keep her company as she weeded her carrots . And do you know what ? That little bunny ran away . I was devastated . I remember weeping into her polyester shirt . When I was nineteen , I found out from my sister that Hoppy had not run away at all ! In fact , my mother had killed him , skinned him and made a nice Haasenpfeffer out of him , which I apparently ate for dinner . While this may seem a Grimmsian nightmare of sorts , I could only laugh at my mother 's actions - - and not a bitter laugh . A true chuckle . I don 't know what her motivations were . . . years of resentment toward her children ? a genuine love for slow roasted game ? It doesn 't matter . What a thing for a woman to do ! Random Fact of the Day : http : / / www . history . com / this - day - in - history . do ? action = VideoArticle & id = 52083Too bad we still haven 't learned to use it like Superman . How was he able to look through just one layer of Lois Lane 's clothing to see the color of her panties but later was able to check her for internal injuries ( which X - ray really couldn 't do , right ? ) . They just knew things on Krypton that we still cannot fathom , I guess . Okay , have any of you had the misfortune to see this show ? And we wonder why our kids can 't compete . The worst part is that it 's like kid crack - - they would snort this show if it came in powder form ( so keep that in mind if you need time to make dinner or empty the dishwasher or run screaming in circles in your backyard ) . Here are the thoughts of someone who agrees with me ( an old post but he describes the exact episode that is making me insane ) . Behold the horror ! Okay , I could turn the TV off - - but then what would I do ? I just finished reading ( okay , perusing over the course of the last two months ) , Umberto Eco 's On Ugliness , given to me by a friend on my birthday . Check it out if you get the chance . Thanks to this book , I have a new favorite artist Franz von Stuck . Thought I 'd share the wealth . Did anybody out there see Ghost Hunters this Friday ? Did you think the voice and the pulling of the coat was staged ? Oh how wonderfully frightening it was !
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If you read Stronghold and were completely sidetracked by the description of the salted caramel butter bars . . . guess what ? ! They 're a real thing ! I really did find them on Pinterest . I really did make them . And the conversation between Leigh and Angel as they eat them is remarkably similar to that of my best friend and I . She came over for a girls ' day the first time I made them . Funny enough , like Leigh , if I remember correctly , she was having man troubles that weekend too . And yes , the butter bars made it all better . LOL . As you know , I 've started on Taken by the Wolf and the first chapter is up . I 'm about a third of the way through the second chapter . Comments are already starting to make me think about things that I hadn 't really focused on yet ( like the Wolf 's motivations and why the Moon families let him get away with it ) and I 've come up with some cool answers ( I think ) that will be revealed as the story goes along . This past weekend I didn 't get a ton of writing done , but I did get some done , all on Seduction by Spanking . I 'm really hoping to get that out sometime in February if not before . And it 's going really well . I 'm having fun expounding on the previous characters ' relationships , developing Wesley and Cynthia 's and forwarding the plot line for the fourth book between Alex and Grace a little bit . Yay ! And in the meantime , I 'm letting Rick and Maria percolate in my head a little bit because she 's having a bit of a personality crises , but I think she 'll be falling in line soon and then I can get started in earnest . . . although I have already written the first bit of the book anyway . And yes , there is a picture of her up on the Stronghold pinterest board if you 're interested in taking a peek . I 've got all the characters from Stronghold up there as well . I love Thanksgiving . Not quite as much as I love Christmas , but pretty close . Mostly because I see a lot of people who take large chunks of their lives for granted and I like to think that today , maybe , they look around and realize all the blessings they have and they are appreciative of them and of the people who bring those blessings to them . So this year . . . I want to go over some of the things I 'm particularly thankful for . I 'm thankful towards Literotica for being such a wonderful platform for providing stories and entertainment . The internet is truly an amazing place , and as frustrated as I can get sometimes with the website ( and especially how long it takes my chapters to post ) , there are people behind the scenes who work hard on it and make it a wonderful and open place where all sorts of people who are interested in many different things can gather together . And it allows us to reach out and find each other and say " Hey . . . I 'm not alone . . . there 's a lot of other people interested in the same kinky shit as me ! " I think that 's wonderful . I 'm thankful for my fans . . . for the people who have left me comments and sent me emails , all of which keep me motivated to keep writing ( honestly , I 'm a feedback whore . . . you put in feedback and the writing machine works better ! ) . I 'm incredibly thankful for those of you who started pushing me to make stuff available on Amazon last year . While I will probably never be able to quit my day job , it 's SUCH an incredible boost for me to know that I am a published writer and that people actually WANT to read what I 'm putting out there . I absolutely do not take it for granted and I know that I wouldn 't be doing that if it wasn 't for all of you . I 'm especially thankful to those of you who read this blog and continue to make me feel like I 'm interesting and worthwhile = ) I 'm especially thankful towards those of you who leave me reviews on Amazon and Smashwords . It only takes a minute , but it makes a huge difference to me . Even the people who leave reviews like " ugh , why would any woman want to be spanked ? ! " leave me with a good laugh because hey . . . sometimes stupid people are so dumb it 's funny ( I mean seriously , how hard it is to read a book description before you buy it ? ) . And I 'm thankful for the never ending stories that are running through my head , the people who constantly give me suggestions and ideas for new stories and on how to improve the stories I 'm putting out there , and for the many little worlds that I get to inhabit and share with all of you . I won 't lie , I understand that it 's a gift and not one that everyone is blessed with . I just happy to be uncommonly lucky , and even more lucky that I type REALLY freaking fast and enjoy writing . I 'm also thankful that I have a day job that allows me to keep doing what I love on the side . YAY ! Literotica got the first chapter of my new series , Taken by the Wolf , up and out before Thanksgiving ! ! ! ! I find that very exciting because I wasn 't sure whether or not they would = ) Super happy . . . hopefully people will leave feedback ( * hint * hint * ) . . . what 's already there is encouraging ! Anyway , that 's all I have to say today ; ) Hope everyone that 's celebrating has a good holiday weekend ! And for any of you that are celebrating this year 's once - in - a - lifetime event , Happy Hanukka ! ( For those of you who don 't know , I say once - in - a - lifetime because the next time it coincides with Thanksgiving it will be the year 7 - something ! ) Lately there have been some comments left on either Amazon stories or Lit that make me face palm . With Amazon it 's usually because they say something in their comment that they didn 't like about the book , that if they 'd just read the book description or the Author 's note they would have known before even BUYING the book lol . There was one who didn 't like that Dealing With Discipline had so many spankings and punishments and didn 't understand why the women would be aroused by it . . . um . . . did you even LOOK at the book description ? On Lit . . . for some reason my Loving Wives stories have been getting a bit more attention again and people have been commenting on those - my favorite was the one who said that the husband should have gone to get professional help to deal with his issues rather than throwing his wife into infidelity . Um . . . then it wouldn 't have been a Loving Wives story , would it ? LOL . I do love it when people act like the characters might be real , but sometimes it goes a little far . Still , gives me a pretty good laugh even as I face palm . I truly do enjoy constructive criticism , but there 's a lot of criticism that comes my way that either isn 't at all constructive or shows me that the person giving it entirely missed the point of the story . La . But that 's just part of writing , I suppose . It was like that in my English classes as well ( I was a creative writing focus . . . shocking right ? I always wonder what my professors would think of what I did with my degree hahahahaha ) . The nice thing about having written for a class was that part of it was learning how to deal with criticism , constructive and otherwise , and also how to give it . Been feeling a bit bad lately because I can 't read as many other people 's stories as I would like to . There are a lot of authors out there that I 'd like to spend more time checking out , especially on Lit , but I just don 't have the time . And when I do have a bit of free time , my first thought is usually " I should really work on a story . " And then of course I have my social life and the holidays and blah blah blah . Nerding out tonight and going to see the 50th Anniversary Doctor Who special - the Day of the Doctor - in THEATERS ! WOOT ! Because sometimes I just need to take a break from the sexy stuff . And also because I 'm a giant nerd . Speaking of the sexy stuff . . . I 'm waiting on pins and needles for the first chapter of Taken by the Wolf to be released on Lit . I 'm dying to know what people think . After writing a super popular story like Marriage Training turned out to be , I 'm always nervous about starting a new one . Will people like it as much ? If they don 't , will they be mean about it ? lol . Which I think might be part of why I chose to write Wolf instead of the other series I was considering , which was about a family set in Victorian times . I wanted to get as far away from Marriage Training as possible and write about something so completely different that it would be impossible to compare them . So we 're set in the future , instead of the past , there 's not a school involved ( I do like those school storylines , don 't I ? ) , and I 'm already planning for a bit of a love story but there 's also a tried and true villain ! I should warn you all , there 's going to be quite a bit of exploration - on my part - in Wolf . There 's going to be MF sex as well as MFM , MM , MMF , FF , etc . Pretty much every combination I could possible do . I 'm also going to explore a bunch of fetishes / kinks that I haven 't really done as much with in the past , and lots that I have - plenty of bondage , anal , whips and chains , but also electricity , fisting , cock & ball torture , age - play , pet - play , medical play , etc . However , I will be staying away from blood and needle play and I don 't think I 'll be doing golden showers or anything . But lots of mindfucks ! Honestly , I think I 'm going to enjoy the psychological stuff as much as the physical . Dammit . . . now I 've got myself all excited about getting feedback again , because I 'm talking about the story and I don 't know when Lit is actually going tPosted by I am sad to say goodbye to Gabriel and Vivian . . . but at the same time I 'm also excited to be moving on to my next project . And I do love seeing how people feel about the ending . This particular story ended up being quite a bit more romantic than I originally planned . . . hopefully I ended up marrying the romantic part and the darker parts well . Cuz I had wanted it to be a lot darker . I 've already submitted the first chapter of my next series , Taken by the Wolf , to Lit . . . so hopefully that 'll be out next week ! Between the holiday contest and Thanksgiving , who knows . . . but one can hope . Sooooo looking forward to that one , mostly because I already know I 'll be able to include romance for those soft at heart out there , but that it will in no way detract from the darker stuff and the mind fuck that I 'm going to have going on . Very much looking forward to it ! Just as promised , it 's teaser week ! I couldn 't wait until Thanksgiving to share another little peek of Cynthia and Wesley with you ! Next teaser will probably give a glimpse into one of the other couples . Both of them have bits of their story that aren 't finished yet and so are continuing into this book . Right now I 'm working on a particularly intriguing scene between Edwin and Eleanor . . . he 's agreed to give up control in the bedroom for once and she 's taking full advantage of it . I 'm not sure how long he 'll last though ! Hahahaha . By the way , if you haven 't had a chance yet , check out yesterday 's blog . . . I 've got a new penname and a new release under that name . It 's not free anymore , but it 's still only 99 cents for now ! I 'm sorry to those who don 't have Kindles ( I 've missed you Gem ! ) = / Someone did tell me that even without a Kindle , if you buy Kindle items you can read them if you have the google cloud ? Not sure if people feel that 's a viable option , but it 's supposed to work that way I think . Sighing , Cynthia trotted gamely after Lord Spencer , frowning down at her dress as she did so . She 'd never been so easily dismissed by a man , especially not with her bosom so exposed . Men did like her bosom , she 'd found , and most of them were easily distracted when given a good view of it . Lord Spencer had looked , but only for a moment and then he 'd moved on to other things . He certainly didn 't seem the type though . Of course she was only going by rumors about the men in question , but they did seem to dress a great deal fancier than Lord Spencer . The Earl looked as if he didn 't care a fig for his appearance , at least not when it came to style . Though she thought he might be the most dashingly attractive man she 'd ever seen . When they reached his study , Lord Spencer didn 't turn to look at her until he 'd reached his desk . " Close the door . " Once she had , he nodded at the chair in front of his desk . It was a large , cushy armchair with broad arms . More than once she 'd snuck into the study for a quiet place to read , on those rare occasions when she was in the mood . The chair was incredibly comfortable , not to mention welcoming . From his position leaning against the desk it would also give him quite a view down into her cleavage . Cynthia smiled . Maybe he wasn 't as immune to her as he appeared . That was a nice thought . Although he just scowled at her even more when he saw her smiling . With another sigh , she moved across the room and settled down into the chair . Again his eyes flicked down into her bosom and then away before coming back to her face . It didn 't look as though he was having any trouble keeping his gaze away from her exposed skin either . Humph . Oh , explain her actions . Nearly as difficult as explaining herself when it came right down to it . " I was out , with no one , because I was bored . " Unfortunately Lord Spencer just looked even angrier . Quicker than a snake he had his hand around her arm and she found herself lifted out of the chair , and just as quickly yanked her back down so that she was over his lap . Squealing , she threw her hands out in front of her , pressing them against the ground so that she didn 't slide right off of his thighs . An iron bar was placed across her back , holding her securely in place , and her skirts were thrown up , followed by a quick jerk of fabric that pulled down her drawers . " OUCH ! Stop ! " Outraged , Cynthia bucked , but it was completely useless as his hard palm came down on the other side of her buttocks to give her a matching handprint . Posted by This is something that I 've been wanting to do for a REALLY long time and have been trying to get my crap together for almost half a year now to get it done . A while ago I noticed that there are a LOT of short stories on Amazon that are selling for the same price as my full length books . And I was like man . . . what do I do to get into that market ? Well , a lot of it is the darker side of erotica , or the kinkier side - the breeding fantasies , dubious consent , supernatural creatures , pseudo - incest , etc . Really it doesn 't have anything on Lit , but the quality is supposed to be better . So I 've been working on revamping some of my Literotica works , which is nothing new , but it 's aimed at a particular crowd . Eventually I want to add some fetish works as well - breeding erotica , age - play , pet play , etc . My new penname is Dark Angel and her first book is out - the Demon Duo . It 's a two in one and for today and today only , it 's free . That 's the bonus of reading my blog . Even after today it 's only 99 cents . . . until I get the next book out . Then it goes up to $ 2 . 99 like the other shorts in this genre . Personally I 'm not a fan of pricing books that high when they 're short , but it seems to be working for other people , so I figured why not try it ? But new books by Dark Angel will always be 99 cents until the next book comes out . I figure that 's the best way to do it . Anyway , pick up the freebie ( and please leave a review ! ) and I hope you enjoy my new alter - ego ! New books for Dark Angel will be announced here and on twitter , just like Golden Angel 's books are . Jacqueline George , who 's a delightful writer , has kindly provided me with a synopsis and some links to her latest ! I like the idea of Europe . Yes , that might sound pretentious , but own good . You can find out more about Jacqueline and her books at www . jacquelinegeorgewriter . com So that 's something fun to check out while you 're waiting for Marriage Training to finally come out on Literotica = ) In the meantime , I 'm still working hard on Seduction by Spanking which is coming along nicely ! Cynthia is just devilish and it 's so nice to be with the rest of the cast again ; I 'm looking forward to sharing a teaser ! The last chapter of Marriage Training was submitted last night . So hopefully it 'll be out sometime next week , although Lit is running its Holiday Contest right now and sometimes stories take longer to come out when there 's a contest going on . Honestly . . . I 'm not really sure what the response to the last chapter is going to be . It ended before I thought it was going to . I really thought there might be more story to tell , but I got to the end and realized that 's exactly what it was . . . the end . I even tried to write an epilogue and it just didn 't work - Gabriel was done . I think I could have gotten Vivian to cooperate , but Gabriel just wasn 't having any of it . Not sure why . I decided not to push it though , because I 'd rather have it end and have people going " noooo why did it end there , I want more ! " than to force something and have people like " wow . . . that kinda sucked . . . it felt really off . " I 'm back to concentrating on Seduction by Spanking , YAY ! Cynthia , as ever , is amusing the heck out of me . I 'll probably post a new teaser to get everyone in the mood sometime later next week . Heh . Maybe on Thanksgiving , just to amuse myself . We 'll see . It 'll depend somewhat on how much writing I get done between now and then = ) I 've also already gotten started on the beginning of my next series , The Wolf , and I 'm already enjoying getting to do something that is definitely dark . Yeah , I 'm going to work some romance in , but this is definitely going to be different from anything I 've ever written before and I 'm really excited about that . I want to play around more with mind fucks , as well as exploring some more extreme stuff , and I 'm finally going to have the opportunity to do that . . . * happy dance * And hopefully people won 't judge me too badly for the f . u . s . my my comes up with lol . Anyway . . . that 's what 's going on right now . . . keep your eyes out for the last chapter of Marriage Training , although of course I 'll announce both here and on Twitter when it 's out = ) I sometimes feel like yelling that at my characters . Which is silly , because I know the build - up is a big part of the enjoyment of a story , but it can also be frustrating when I want to move on to the next part and I can 't because I still have to get past the big sex scene and they 're taking their sweet time about it . Playing games , as it were . In case you 're wondering , Gabriel has decided to seriously take his time with Vivian and move at a much slower pace than I had originally intended . The two of them are just playing with each other now and I 'm like . . . okay guys . . . let 's try to pick it up a little . . . * sigh * Gabriel just REALLY likes foreplay as far as I can tell . And it 's not that I don 't want to give them the time to have a great scene , I do , I 'm just feeling impatient and slightly pressured because I know people are waiting on the chapter and I lost some time working on it because I was on vacation and so it 's already going to be a longer wait than usual . . . not to mention the fact that I 'm so close to the end that my brain has already started working on the next story a little bit . And I want to be able to spend more time working on Seduction by Spanking . I 'm getting back into the groove of writing which is good = ) Thanks to everyone who leaves me comments / feedback in between stories , because that definitely helps to keep me motivated to keep writing ! Doesn 't matter whether it 's on a story that I am currently working on or that I wrote years ago , it absolutely makes a difference in how much writing I get done during the week . Hopefully I 'll finish the last chapter of Marriage Training and get it submitted by the end of this week . . . that 's the goal that I 'm trying to focus on at the moment = ) I 've got a friend overseas right now that should be home in a little over a week and I am just SO incredibly thankful that every time he 's been stationed overseas he 's come home safe and unharmed , but I know what he and all the other members of our armed forces risk on a daily basis . Don 't forget to show your love for these incredibly giving and wonderful members of our community , who make the incredible sacrifice of being away from their family and friends on a regular basis , for far less pay than they deserve , less support than they deserve in terms of medical and psychological care , risking the fact that the government might screw them over in the end , and for very little in the way of reward . Also , and this is just as important , don 't forget to show your love for the family members of our armed forces . The spouses , whose bravery in giving themselves over to such a risky love and such a long distance one , the children who grow up without their mother or father by their side , and the parents who support their children in these risky endeavors . Thank you , all of you , for your sacrifices , your passion and your service . So I am now working on what I think is going to be the last chapter of Marriage Training ! At least for Literotica . Eventually ( once I finish it ) it will be coming out in book form , completely expanded and with a lot more going on that wasn 't part of the Literotica story ( such as some of the behind - the - scenes stuff with Dr . Monroe and Mrs . Banks that Vivian was unaware of ) . Woo - hoo ! ! ! ! I 'm super excited about finishing up the story , although a little sad as well , but as with Venus , I can still be happy since it 's not like I 'm going to be completely saying goodbye to the characters . I figured this would be a good time to talk a little bit about what 's coming up in the future ( although of course I don 't have exact dates for everything yet , although I do have some goals ) . After I 'm done with Marriage Training for Literotica I 'm going to be starting a new series that I haven 't quite decided on a name for . Rather than the past it 's going to be set in the future , although I wouldn 't call it Sci - Fi or Fantasy . The basic premise is that the richest families have moved to an installation on the moon , while Mafia - like regimes have taken over business on Earth ( which is where the poor live ) . One of those regimes is led by a man known as The Wolf - occasionally the scions of the Moon Families will visit the Earth ( for culture / education / vacations , etc . ) and be kidnapped by The Wolf . No ransom , and everyone is returned eventually , sometimes after a few days , sometimes after a few months . Those who come home after a few days always talk of wild sexual orgies and deviance ( those who are kept for a few months never talk about it ) , and it 's become a popular past - time for the younger generation to risk The Wolf and take their vacation on Earth . 99 % of them are never chosen to become one of his toys , but the inherent danger makes it fun . He only takes individuals and couples , so traveling in a group provides some protection . Alex is on vacation with his girlfriend , best friend and best friend 's girlfriend Bella , when he and Bella discover their significant others cheating on them . Angry , they leave the hotel and are on their way to the space shuttle port when they 're knocked out by gases . . . they 've been taken by The Wolf who is intrigued and delighted to have amusement in the form of a couple who is not a couple . I 'm rather excited about it . I 'm finding that the set - up is making it easier for me to plot out a lot of the darker stuff that I 've been wanting to play with and haven 't been able to . . . and also do more with mind - fucking , which I 've enjoyed dabbling in during Marriage Training . The Society of Sin series - although Marriage Training is not the first book chronologically , it will be the first book published in this series . Chronologically speaking , it will fit in between Rex of the Dark and Dark Decisions ( All of these are working titles and subject to change ) . Stories will range from BDSM to swinging to Loving Wives themes . There were some wild house parties and orgies back in the Victorian era and I 'm looking forward to putting my own spin on them . The Dark Marquess - Audrey Prescott is hired by the Marquess of Salisbury as a governess for his two daughters , Daphne and Hazel . A sensual beauty , Audrey has always had trouble with her baser instincts , especially when it comes to attractive men , but she 's always resisted because most of her employers have been married - although that hasn 't stopped the ladies of the house from eventually firing her when their husbands won 't stay away . A widower with two daughters seems to be the perfect solution , although once Audrey is installed in the household she soon realizes that the whispers about the Marquess ' wild reputation and deviant behaviors barely touch the surface of the truth . Can she protect her charges from the decadence and dangers of the Marquess ' household when she 's so attracted to them , and the Dark Marquess , herself ? So yeah . That 's . . . pretty much enough to cover the next couple of years . Although , of course , there will be other things that I 'm working on for Literotica . But this is what 's going on in my head book - wise . Posted by So it turns out that Marriage Training Ch . 18 did not come out while I was away ( weird that it took so long ) but it IS out now , so if you have some time today check it out and leave me a comment = ) Now that we 're away from the school entirely I 'm curious as to what people think ! It 's always a little weird when a story 's basic structure changes after so long of being the same . Thank you so much to everyone who has been sending me feedback about Stronghold ! I 'm soooo glad that people seem to be enjoying it = ) Did notice on Amazon that someone mentioned I didn 't really go into more about Michael & Leigh ( the reviewer said Leslie but I assume meant Leigh ) at the end of the book , but there 's a reason for that . . . they 're not going anywhere . They 're part of the Stronghold gang now and they 're going to have their own books to finish up their stories ! Woot ! Anyway . I had an AMAZING time on my vacation . I did not bring my laptop ( which was probably a good decision ) and so I got no work done , but I am feeling completely refreshed and hopefully I 'll be able to jump right back into writing tomorrow . Cruising is the way to go ! ! ! ! I also got to swim with Dolphins which has been a lifelong dream of mine ( when I was a kid I wanted to be a dolphin trainer ) and it was seriously the most amazing experience of my life to date ( not that I 'm that old , but in the past 30 years I 've done some pretty amazing things and this one definitely is now at the top ! ) . Hubby and I had a wonderful time , we went with friends and it was a ton of fun as well as being able to take time out to be romantic and get some QT and TLC ; )
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Thank goodness . . . I 'm going out of town tomorrow night immediately after work to head to DragonCon and I was starting to think that it wouldn 't come out before that ! Oi vei . I think because the Summer Contest is going on that things are taking longer to come out . That almost always happens when there 's a contest going on unfortunately . Just an FYI - yes the Earl is in this chapter , no it 's not a training day . . . yet . I wanted to give them a little moment before he actually joins in the training = ) That comes with the next chapter . Which I 'm working on of course , although lately I 've been pounding out work on Stronghold . Since the characters are currently cooperating = ) Definitely want to take advantage of that while it 's going on ! I 'm not sure how much work I 'm going to get done this weekend cuz I 'm guessing I 'm going to be pretty darn exhausted , but I am bringing my laptop so we 'll see . Maybe I 'll get a little something something done . But I definitely won 't be posting a blog again till I get back . Soooo . . . I 'm just going to go ahead and say right now , I hope you all enjoy this chapter of Marriage Training and that you have great weekends ! Except that Eden , where the very rich , wealthy and pampered live , is next to the Sectors . It 's a little bit like Hunger Games in that way except that Eden does its best to ignore the outside . Picture a super conservative , super puritanical haven where no one is allowed to do . . . well . . . anything . Sector 4 respects its women , sex is basically a free - for - all , and yet there are some hard and fast rules for monogamous couples who want to claim each other - which they do with a tattoo around the neck . Everyone is inked , and your ink tells your story and identifies you . And for someone with a fear of needles , the fact that Rocha manages to make a tattooing scene incredible sexy . . . that 's saying something . We follow Noelle , daughter of one of Eden 's Councilmen who ends up in Sector 4 , as she adjusts to her new life , which also gives us the chance to learn all about Sector 4 and Dallas and his gang through her eyes . Dallas ' right hand man , Jasper , is more than a little obsessed with Noelle , but he recognizes the need to go slow with her since she doesn 't even know what sex IS much less how to process the amazing sensations that go with it . Sharing means caring in Sector 4 , but both of them realize they want to tattoo each other 's necks . . . This book has lots of sex , lots of plot , lots of fantastic danger , and is the most amazing blend of sex and violence . Sure it glamorizes both things . . . but who cares ? The fantasy is incredibly hot . Made me want to run around and find a guy with tats to bring home to hubby and have an orgy with LOL . Book 3 is out today and I am so super jealous of this lady who got to read an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review . . . It looks like it 's going to be just as good as the first two and I CAN ' T WAIT TO READ IT ! ! ! Posted by So I 've finally got a new outline for Angel and Adam . . . we 'll see whether or not they 'll let me stick with this one LOL . It fits where they are at the moment , but they 're good at going off - script . Anyway . . . I think that I really am about halfway through the book which means that I 'm right on schedule for a fall release , which is good . YAY ! The desk that Master Patrick sat down at was huge , it made her feel like a dwarf by comparison . A man smaller than him would have looked overwhelmed by it , but it suited him perfectly . " Have a seat , Angie , " he said , and even though he was using the pseudonym she 'd chosen rather than her real name she felt the immediate need to obey . Yeah , no mistaking this man for anything other than " in charge . " The authoritarian tone of voice had her moving before she even thought about it , to one of the cushy black leather chairs in front of the desk . It was incredibly comfortable . The kind of chair that she 'd like to curl up and wallow in , read a book on a rainy day . . . it would have worked just as well in front of a fire as it did in this office . But with the scary man behind the desk , his hard gaze fixed on her , she couldn 't relax . Instead she shifted her weight , taking tiny peeks at him because for some reason she couldn 't bring herself to directly meet his eyes for more than a moment or two . She 'd managed it at Chained , but they hadn 't known she was submissive . It had been easier there . No doubts welling up in her mind , no second thoughts about what she was about to do . " Did you read over the contract that I sent you ? " " Yes Sir . " About fifty times . It had included all the rules and regulations that governed Stronghold . " Good girl . " Something inside of Angel warmed as he reached into his desk and pulled out a stapled stack of papers . Yeah , she wasn 't attracted to Patrick , even though she could acknowledge that he was extremely attractive , but she still liked being called a good girl by him . There was just something about it that satisfied a need deep inside of her and made her feel all happy and glow - y . " This is the same thing , in paper form . You can look it over if you want . And then you need to sign it . " He glanced at the clock . " Your Dom for the evening should be here any minute . " She felt a little awkward looking over it in front of him , because part of her said to trust his word , but the more cynical part of her that taught self - defense said always be sure . So she skimmed it , familiar enough with the sentences by now to know that they were identical to the one that he 'd sent her online . Even though she couldn 't read as fast as Leigh , she was pretty fast skimming , which cut down on the length of time that she was looking it over . As she picked up a pen , Patrick 's phone rang . " Hello ? . . . " There was a long pause . " Shit . Alright , I 'll be right down . " Putting down the phone with enough force that Angel jumped ( okay , so she might be a little bit jittery considering that she 'd just signed a release to have all sorts of dirty and debauched things done to her ) , Patrick sighed and gave her a reassuring sort of smile . It warmed his face and enabled her to meet his eyes . " I have a situation I have to see to . . . I don 't want to have to leave you here alone though . Hold on a moment . " Getting up , he went back to the door that they 'd come in from , the one that connected to the lobby . Angel clasped her hands together . A situation ? What did that mean ? Was it a sub that had gotten hurt ? Someone 's scene gotten out of control ? Why would the owner of the club be needed if unless it something bad ? As her panic started to well , Patrick stuck his head out of the door . " Jared . . . . oh hey , good you 're here . Never mind , Jared . " He shifted so that more of his body was out of the door , his voice still loud enough that she could hear every word he said . " I 've got a situation downstairs . . . Tom offered Ellie a club contract last week but she refused . " " Yes , thank you for telling me what I already know . " Master Patrick 's voice was dry , but she could tell that he respected whoever he was talking to . He was sarcastic but not derogatory . " Anyway , Angie 's in here , so you can chat with her before choosing a room for the scene . Interrogation , jail and school are all open . " You 'd be surprised how often this happens . The Stronghold characters are particularly trying . Justin and Chris had the tendency to go off the rails , even though Liam , Hilary and Jessica were all pretty well behaved . Now trying to deal with Adam and Angel . . . I 'm going a bit nuts , I won 't lie . The bastards just keep changing things up on me ! Which isn 't necessarily a bad thing , but it can get frustrating . Especially when I look at my most recent outline that I 've written for them ( I 'm on the fourth or fifth now , I can 't even remember ) and realize that it 's not going to work . At all . Adam 's too demanding about what he wants and Angel 's too unpredictable . Even her best friend Leigh isn 't quite cooperating with me when it comes to timeline stuff . I 'm over 50 , 000 words in , which is usually about halfway through a book for me , but I honestly have no idea where we are in the story . I know what 's going to happen in the next chapter and that 's about it , because they keep changing where they 're going . We all have a vague idea about where everything is headed , but every time I try to define it they just grab the reins from me and start moving in a new direction until all the plot twists and pathways that I 'd worked out no longer work anymore . It really makes it hard for me to plot things out . I thought I 'd go ahead and write a new outline for them . . . but there 's no real clue as to where they 're going after the next chapter . They were pretty good about following the most recent outline that I 'd written for them , right up until they met each other and now sparks are flying in entirely different ways then I 'd originally planned . It 's kind of like a mental wrestling match . And I 'm about to add a new Dom to the equation , and to the cast of Stronghold characters , in the form of one of Angel 's friends and all I can think is " oh crap . . . what is this going to do to my plot line ? " Cuz I don 't think it 's going to do what I originally intended . - if you 're checking out my Pinterest , btw , the new Dom that I 'm introducing is Master Michael and you can see his " picture " up on the Stronghold page . In other news . . . Vivian and Gabriel are being more romantic / softer than I would have thought during their first meeting . . . which makes me wonder how his involvement in her training is actually going to go . That should be interesting . And Cynthia and Wesley , despite being the two rebels , are actually doing what I want them to . Of course I 'm only about one chapter into their book so I don 't know if that really counts . But it 's nice that someone 's behaving ! So yeah . There 's some behind - the - scenes drama going on ( if it can be called that ) but I 'll be posting a new teaser for Stronghold this weekend . I just gotta decide what I want to post = ) Chapter 13 is now available - for those who have been getting impatient over the slow pace should be happy with this chapter . It 's not as detailed or erotic , because it 's kind of a bridge chapter . We 're moving past the training that 's been happening and into a new part of the book , with lots of new developments . I still have detailed sections , but things are moving much faster now = ) And I am SO looking forward to having Gabriel be a part of the training ! I 'm working on the scene where they first meet right now and I 'm just having an absolute blast . For those of you interested , I do have a Marriage Training Pinterest board now , since I 'm going to be turning it into a book . Eventually it will be a Society of Sin board for ALL those books , but for now it 's just Marriage Training = ) I love the pictures I found for Vivian and the one I found for Gabriel . Working on finding a better Dr . Monroe one . I 've also been updating the other boards , particularly Stronghold , lately , so if you haven 't checked them out for a few days there 's definitely some new stuff up = ) Soooo a long time ago I wrote a story called Secret Anal Sex = ) It was during Survivorphile when I was doing a lot of different stories . I always meant it to be a one off and was fine with the conclusion , but I was recently contacted by someone who goes by the username FinishTheDamnStory who likes to finish stories that they feel are incomplete and they asked if they could write a conclusion for it because they felt there was more story there . In particular they wanted Lauren to get revenge on John . Personally I never planned to write an ending for it , so I said , sure go ahead ! You can find the new " conclusion " here . So if you 're interested , there ya go ! I 'm keeping an eye out because the next chapter of Marriage Training should be out soon . . . in the meantime , I had an AMAZING birthday and I 'm having a pretty fantastic weekend now = ) YAY ! People keep telling me that a woman hits her sexual peak in her 30 's , as if to console me , and all I can think is poor hubby . . . like my sex drive isn 't high enough already ! LOL . I have been in a bit of a writing frenzy this week , which is AWESOME . As usual I 'm having a bit of trouble concentrating on one story at a time , but I 'm getting a LOT of writing done . And I 'm still in the mood to write . It 's like a writing bonanza ! I have no idea whether or not it has anything to do with me turning 30 or anything , but I 'm taking advantage of it while I can . Unfortunately a lot of other things aren 't getting done while I ride this wave out , but I 've learned to cruise the wave for as long as possible because I get soooooo much work done while it 's going on . Once it 's over I can spend some time editing / reading other people 's stuff , but if I force myself to do it then I may end the writing wave prematurely and I don 't know when another one will come along . Before I get to the book review part of this blog - Chapter 13 of Marriage Training was submitted yesterday . = ) It 's basically a transition chapter to get us from one part of the story to the next , it 's one of the few chapters which doesn 't have TONS of details , although it has quite a few . In the next chapter comes the Earl and I am so looking forward to that ! I 've been reading a lot of darker erotica lately but unfortunately not all of it appeals to me . Mostly because even when things are dark , I want there to be some form of connection between the characters and , hopefully , a happy ending . Yeah , of course this means major Stockholm 's syndrome in some cases , but I still like reading it . Because I like the fantasy . There 's a couple authors I 've come across , like Kitty Thomas , Skye Warren or Claire Thomspon , who are a little TOO dark for me . Although I do love Kitty Thomas ' Submissive Fairy Tales , that 's one that 's staying on my Kindle , mostly because I 'm a bit obsessed with her version of Beauty and the Beast . The other two are interesting too but that 's the one that I keep to re - read . My favorite author for really rough stuff / dark erotica is Carolyn Faulkner . She writes some lighter stuff too , but I 'm not usually as interested in it . And she has a lot of works out , I 've read most of them , and have only found a few that I think are really 100 % worth the price ( since she charges more than my favorite $ 2 . 99 price = ) The Little Miss is a Victorian Age Play story and if you 're into that kind of thing , it 's HOT . I actually didn 't think I really was into that kind of thing , but this book got me all sorts of hot and bothered . I think because of how very controlled the little miss is . The Kindle book is a 4 for the price of one deal which is nice . I 've tried reading other age play stuff and most of it doesn 't appeal to me nearly as much as this one ; in fact most of them don 't appeal to me at all but I re - read this one on a regular basis . It has a lot of things that don 't normally appeal to me , including wrapping / swaddling ( which I think is similar to the wrapping / mummification fetish ) that ends up just being hot . Lots of spankings , birchings , strappings , etc . as well as mind manipulation and sexy time . I don 't know if it 's because it 's set in the Victorian era or what , but I love the book . Prima is another really good dark one , she 's got a couple others set in the same world but I think Prima is the best . This one is definitely not for the faint of heart - SEVERE punishments . . . sometimes for no reason other than it turns Joseph , the other main character , on . Prima is his woman . The setting is a futuristic earth where something has happened to decimate the population and women have become basically chattel again . Reading this actually gave me an idea for my own series in a futuristic earth - mainly cuz I started thinking about how I would deal with a major drop in the female population differently - but my series will be a lot less dark and a lot less severe . But I love reading Prima . Captured by the Count is one of the few books that does not have a happy ending that I keep on my Kindle for re - reads . There 's definitely a little bit of schaudenfraude going on here because the Cassie really isn 't the most likable character in the world so you almost enjoy seeing bad things happen to her . . . at first at least . Then it becomes more of a sexually horrified fascination where I 'm almost embarrassed that it turns me on . Like The Little Miss , there 's some fetishes in this book that normally don 't appeal to me that end up being really hot the way she 's set them up . This is , at its most basic , a breeding fantasy novel that also includes BDSM , bondage , non - consent / reluctance and also a milking machine . I ended up checking out more breeding and milking stories after reading this , but found that ( like The Little Miss ) they didn 't appeal to me outside of this book . Go figure . Submissive Desires is probably the most severe story she 's written that I 've read . Electricity , canings , all sorts of very painful things . . . for the first time she went into a fetish that went too far for me - I 'm just not a needles kind of girl apparently . Some of the beatings also went way farther than I was comfortable with . . . but it didn 't stop me from reading or getting all squirmy in my seat . For those of you who like the really rough stuff , this is probably a good choice for you . Like I said , she 's written some other ones , but those are my favorites . She also has a spanking series called Priceless Love that 's pretty good , although it 's not the kind of dark stuff that I normally look for from her . I haven 't read everything by her thought cuz I think she can get kind of pricey and sometimes I 'm just not going to pay the money for a book that 's under 100 pages . Ya know ? ! But I think the above books were pretty darn well worth it . = ) Posted by Kinda curious how people are going to react to this one . . . more curious than usual , that is . The original idea for the story has already changed somewhat in reaction to reader comments , etc . Originally Vivian wasn 't going to have any kind of rebellion at all , but once people mentioned it I thought hey . . . that 's a really good point . . . and decided to add it in . Although , of course , I added it in as a plot point by Mrs . Cunningham and Mrs . Banks rather than it being something that surprised them ( because , at this point in their careers , I didn 't find that believable ) . It seems that some readers who comment want Vivian to be something other than she is . She 's not the fiery , spirited , rebellious type of heroine like Bridget from Being the Maid or even Alanna from Submission . She 's a different kind submissive than either of them and she was always meant to be . I think I 'd get bored if I had the same kind of submissive every story . It 's actually a lot of fun for me to explore playing with someone who doesn 't fight back even when she wants to . The whole rebellion thing has led me to an interesting place though , one which I didn 't expect . Vivian has hidden depths to her that I didn 't realize . I think some people who really wanted a rebellion will be upset that it 's over so quickly , but personally I 'm really happy with the way that it all turned out . This was always meant to be a darker BDSM series with the themes of non - consent and the whole Victorian - era fantasy type thing going on . Things are actually much softer and more romantic than I originally intended , although I like that as well . I 've mentioned several times in the comments section that I 'm planning on making this into a book , and eventually a series . Doing this one a little bit differently though . The series that I have planned out actually comes before the events in Marriage Training . I had a series planned out for a governess and the two daughters of the man she eventually marries , and I hadn 't planned anything for the son yet , and as I was writing the first chapter of this book I was like " hey . . . this would be a great storyline for the son . " So the others are kinda going to be prequels to this book . There 's a LOT that 's going to go into the book that 's not on Literotica though . There 's going to be a lot of extended scenes , as well as a secondary story line between Mrs . Banks and Dr . Monroe , and also the end of the Lit series is not going to be the end of the book . It 's also going to introduce an idea I 've had called The Society of Sin , which is a group of people who are all like Lord Cranbourne when it comes to what they want in the bedroom - both men and women . It 's a similar idea to Spanking Societies if you 've ever read any books that have those . And I 'm going to write a LOT of books about the Society . . . I 've got a whole bunch of side books plotted out that aren 't part of the main series I 'll be writing for it . So that 'll be my Victorian project after I 'm done with the Domestic Discipline Quartet . Although Marriage Training may come out before the final book of the Quartet . I do have some writing to do on the extra scenes and stuff once I 'm done with Lit , but I 'm hoping those won 't take too long . I 've already done a bunch of them . = ) Well now that Dealing With Discipline is out I am back to focusing on Stronghold ! Although of course I am also spending some time writing Seduction by Spanking , the third book of the Domestic Discipline Quartet . But the main focus is on Stronghold ! Which will be out sometime this fall , depending on how fast I can write it . The first several chapters are already written and Adam and Angel are developing wonderfully as characters . I hope you 've all enjoyed the teasers I 've already posted on the blog , hopefully should have another one in a couple of weeks = ) It 's kind of funny , I originally based Adam and Angel off of hubby and me , but the more I write the farther they get away from being anything like hubby and me . Which is good . They have their own lives and their own problems and so they 're developing differently , but it 's kind of fascinating for me so see what traits of mine Angel holds onto and how she 's different . She 's also not quite the way I originally planned her to be . . . but I think she 's become more interesting . Originally my character outline for her was similar to Jessica and Hilary 's . Lives in an apartment ( although by herself ) , has a best friend that she spends a lot of time talking to , works in an office building . . . blah blah blah . Her other close friends were mostly going to be guys and she was going to be a little nerdy , read a lot , play video games and be a tomboy , very similar to me . Then as I started writing her , she started insisting on some changes that I had to go back and make . She 's keeping the best friend , but she 's now living in a house with three of her guy friends who are all gamers . She doesn 't work in an office , she makes costume pieces which she sells on Etsy and teaches women 's self - defense classes , and occasionally substitute teaches at the ballroom dance studio her parents own . She 's much more of a free spirit . Which , really , makes her even more of a good match for Adam . I 'm learning more about him as I write too , although if you 've read the Venus Quartet then you already know the basics . His self - contained and overly controlled little world needs a bit of a good shake - up as far as I 'm concerned , and Angel is just the one to give it to him . At the moment my goal is to have this out before Halloween , but that will also depend on Adam and Angel . Lately I 've noticed that my characters have gotten much more involved in the story lines than ever before which means they sometimes take unexpected turns that I hadn 't planned on - especially when one of the characters is as dominant as Adam or as unpredictable as Angel ( who has already had me change quite a bit about her ) . So we 'll see . . . but I 'm hopeful that it won 't take more than a couple months of dedicated writing = ) Posted by I won 't lie . . . I like some of my characters better than others . Who wouldn 't ? Of course I like all of my heroes and heroines at least a little bit , but I have my favorites . The Domestic Discipline series has been really interesting for me to write because I 'm getting to work with such different characters , all coming from really different places . There 's Eleanor , who is spoiled but with an underlying sweetness , she rebellious , smart , and willing to take a lot of risks even if she goes about it in odd ways . I have to admit , I admire her spirit even when I want to shake her for not being able to see things the way I do . From the very beginning I liked Edwin for her . . . she needs a strong male who will love her for who she is but be willing to take her hand when she needs it - without trying to break her . He can be just as frustrating as she can , in his own way . Irene is based off of me when I was younger , which means I feel like shaking her a lot of the time . She 's so innocent and naive , especially when it comes to her ideals of love and how much she lets people push her around . Of course , with Hugh around she 's starting to come into her own , but she 's still got a lot of growing up to do . I do love Hugh , although I felt a little bad for saddling him with Irene . . . she 's got a lot of baggage that he wasn 't aware of but he does really love her . . . and , well , that 's what comes with arranged marriages ! Granted , I don 't find Hugh as sexy as I do Edwin - even after he realizes how much fun spankings can be he 's never going to do it just FOR fun the way Edwin does - but he 's got his own place in my heart . Alex . . . oh Alex . He just keeps pushing everyone away - even me ! I 'm still not entirely sure what his true feelings for Grace are . Admittedly , I went into this series prepared to dislike Grace but she 's getting under my skin and her back story is much more complex than I originally intended . She 's a creature of extremes - romantic and cynical , loving and vindictive ; she can be cruel and competitive or loyal and kind as a friend . I 'm really looking forward to their book because both of them absolutely fascinate me and I think out of all of the characters they 're going to have the most difficult struggle . But my favorites , by far , are Cynthia and Wes . I am so excited to finally be working on the third book , even though I 'm not going to be focusing on it until I finish Stronghold . I 'm just excited to finally get there . Cynthia has been , hands down , my favorite character as soon as I conceived this series and Wesley has moved to be right up there with her . He needs a woman who is going to push him and keep him on his toes . . . and if you 've read the teaser for Seduction by Spanking then you know that Cynthia is Trouble with a capital T ( right here in River City ! lol ) . I just adore her and I hated that she couldn 't really be a part of the first two books other than the letters from the Countess of Spencer to her son , but I am so looking forward to bringing her out now ! Anyway , I posted the same teaser that 's at the end of Dealing With Discipline on the Domestic Discipline Quartet 's page . . . so you can check that out if you haven 't read it yet = ) Otherwise . . . I 'm now going to be turning my focus to Stronghold for a bit ! And for all you Stronghold fans I should have a blog coming out on that in a couple of days = ) Also . . . Chapter 12 of Marriage Training has been submitted . Going by the comments on Ch . 11 it 's probably going to disappoint some people . Oh well . I can 't help it . Things in the story have already been changed due to influence by reader comments , but I 'm not going to change everything so I 've just gotta go with the way that I want the story to go . Marriage Training Ch . 11 took me a while and is not as long as the others , not even as long as I had originally planned , because there 's just been so much craziness going on in my life . I was trying to finish Dealing With Discipline asap and I was also packing up because I moved this past weekend . . . and now I 'm unpacking . But I 've only got a little bit more to go on Chapter 12 now so I 'm hoping to submit that by the end of this week . That would be good = ) I 'm hoping to pick up speed on this because , even though I love the series , there 's a lot of other things that I want to write too and I can 't because this one takes so much of my concentration ! Although I can occasionally pound out a standalone , I kinda hate to do so because it takes away time I feel like I should be working on books / the series . And there 's several new series that I really want to start ! For those of you who aren 't familiar with Pinterest , it 's basically like an online bulletin board . I 've found it particularly helpful for recipes . When you find something that you want to remember , like a recipe , you " pin " it to your board . When you 're sitting there thinking about what to do for dinner , you can go to your Pinterest board , look through the recipes - which are all denoted by pictures - and click on the picture of what you want and it will automatically take you back to that webpage where you found the recipe . My husband doesn 't get it . He asked me , " Isn 't that just bookmarking it ? " Well , technically yes , but it 's with PICTURES . I don 't have to try to remember how I described said recipe in the bookmark , or click through a bunch of links before finding the one that I want ; I can just look at the pictures , think " oo that looks good for tonight " and click on it . Plus it 's useful for things like Do - It - Yourself crafts , decorating ideas , sewing ideas , etc . Some people collect funny sayings ( I do that ) or inspirational quotes . I 've seen work - out pins , sexy men pins , sexy women pins , hairstyles , make - up , etc . It 's a cool site . So , as suggested by the reader , I started a Pinterest page as Golden Angel for my books . You DO NOT have to join in order to see my boards . What my Pinterest Page consists of is ( at the moment ) 4 different boards . One of them just has humorous sayings . The other three are labeled by my series - Domestic Discipline , Poker Loser and Stronghold ( which includes the Venus characters ) . I have pinned pictures of various things - and tried to label all of them - that remind me of things in my books . This includes some pictures of men / women that I think look the way I see my characters in my head and some pictures that look like kinda of like places I describe . I found one that 's pretty close to how I picture Stonehaven ( Dealing With Discipline ) and another that looks similar to how I picture the bar at Stronghold . Now , of course , you may or may not agree with me and that 's okay . Not everyone wants to see pictures and if you prefer to keep what 's in your head , that 's cool . But if you 're curious as to how I picture things in my own head or just prefer to have a visual to hold in your mind as you read , the Pinterest page might be a cool thing to check out . I 'll try to keep it updated on a fairly regular basis as more characters are introduced and as I find more pictures = ) Okay , so the next chapter of Marriage Training was taking me too long to write so I went ahead and submitted only part of what I intended the next chapter to be . Which means that I 'm already about halfway through the next chapter after that , since it was intended to be part of the chapter that I just submitted . * sigh * It was going to be one longer chapter , now it 's going to be 1 short chapter and 1 decent length chapter . But I figured people are probably getting tired of waiting . Things have just been a bit crazy here since we 're moving this weekend and I was going a bit crazy trying to finish Dealing With Discipline . The whole book really made me happy = ) If you 've gotten it and have finished it , it would be super awesome of you to leave me a review ! ! ! Those really do make a big difference for me . In the meantime . . . I 'm working on Stronghold and getting the next Marriage Training book out . . . both of which will probably pick up on speed once we 're moved into the new place and have unpacked . Right now it 's a bit stressful . * sigh * Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend !
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Only months earlier , the thought of such a declaration had sent me squirming uncomfortably and avoiding conversations . I used to have what I considered a healthy fear of commitment . My fiancé would disagree as to exactly how healthy or normal that fear was , but that 's beside the point . Even still , the thought and even the word fiancé , gives me goose bumps . No longer are they shivers of fear , but of excitement . I can 't wait to marry this girl . She has weathered my doubts , fears , and my ultimate procrastination to this point . We have been together for two years now . It was only a few months into the relationship that I knew she was the one . We became very close , very quickly , and we were often mistake for having been together for much longer than we actually were . It took some time , but I finally came to my senses . Each day I was with her , a few more dents in my armor appeared . Over time , without even knowing it , she was able to chip away the wall I had erected around my innermost being . All the fears of commitment were gone . All the anxiety about spending my life with someone else somehow vanished . Marriage no longer looked like a cage . I began to realize it is but a doorway , opening onto a life of possibility with the woman I love . As this realization dawned on me , I still guarded my intentions . She had always wanted the engagement to be a surprise , so I played along with that . We still talked about our future and marriage as much as we used to . She could tell I was warming to the thought , but I kept hidden the full extent of my excitement and feigned an attitude of grudging reluctance . I began to tell some inner friends that it would be soon , and began questioning others about how they planned their engagement and wedding . We were approaching the two year anniversary of our first date , and I was trying to think about how to propose around that time . The trouble is , I knew she would probably be expecting the same thing . I went over a bunch of possible engagement scenarios , but none of them felt right . Around this time , we were both extremely busy . She was always studying for her nursing boards , and I was swamped days , nights , and weekends on several projects at work . We had talked about wanting to get away for a few days ' vacation but her work schedule didn 't allot enough time . If she was able to get off work , we would have to fly out in a week . As we were driving to have dinner with her parents that very night , a plan started emerging in my head . In an instant , I had everything planned out for a perfect surprise engagement . The following day , I left work early and went to a half dozen jewelry shops . I went from zero knowledge about diamonds to being able to identify carat weight by sight and being able to discard diamonds by color and blemishes by sight alone . I learned a lot that day and told the jewelers that I 'd be back with my mother and my future sister - in - law for some womanly advice . I then trekked over to my future in - laws to ask her mom and dad for their daughter 's hand in marriage . I 'll never forget her father 's immediate response of , " Sounds fine to me ! " I then voyaged to my father 's house and told him and my step - mother and step - brothers . My mother I would surprise the following night and drag her ring shopping with me . I never realized how picky I would be when it came to shopping for a ring . I sensed the agitation of many salesmen as I rejected one after another , but I came to understand how much character can go into each piece of jewelry . I wanted something that was uniquely her . I didn 't want this ring to be a mere centerpiece , but to accompany the inner and outer beauty of this woman . She is not flashy or trendy . We often joke about the fact that our choice of clothing usually consists of a drab sweatshirt and the same old ragged jeans . Many times we arrive at an occasion realizing we 're both underdressed . No gaudy piece of jewelry would suffice . One recommendation from a friend was to get the biggest ring possible . While this sounds fun , it just isn 't her . She is very athletic and competitive , yet prefers to downplay her accomplishments and is often uncomfortable in the spotlight . I find this inner humbleness to be one of her greatest beauties . Likewise , she is often found to be shy and quiet within larger groups or with people she doesn 't know . Yet , with me , the shyness melts away and I experience the fullness of her inner self . The fact that I alone am able to see this side of her is something I treasure very deeply . There is a subtlety in her demeanor that betrays the woman within . At first glance she may seem introverted and quiet , yet there is a depth to her character hidden beneath the surface that she doesn 't give away lightly . As I draw closer to her , I realize more and more of her beauty . The subtlety that exists upon first glance is gone as she opens her life to me . She is at once strong and delicate , tough and tender , rugged with a hint of fragility . She embraces the values of endurance and hard work to meet challenges head - on without backing down . As a nurse I see the joy she takes in her work and the heartache that comes with sharing the pain of others . She is not an idealist . She does not dream of how it all could be and leave it at that . Hers is a plan of action . Her dreams are real , and are continually accomplished through her purposeful approach and perseverance . I revel in her complexities , and adore her outlook on life . She has softened my soul by opening up her own . Her perspectives have helped round out some rather rough edges of my existence , and all this has happened just by knowing her on increasingly deeper levels . All this and more swirled in my mind as I rejected ring after ring . Nothing was suited to portray the breadth and depth of her character . It was as I began to lose hope for the perfect representation , when I stumbled across a rather plain ring in a jewelry store I nearly forgot about . It had a subtlety I thought impossible for a ring its style and size . Every other three stone ring went the route of having too much elevation . I dismissed the possibility of tall rings because to my eyes , they portrayed an inflated sense of self - worth and a shallow attempt at compensation . I was told that three stone rings cannot , by definition , be placed too low due to their size , but this one traversed seamlessly over the curvature of the finger without any offensive peaks . The thickness of the white gold was just right and the setting for each square diamond was simple . The band wasn 't too thin to be dainty , nor was it too large to be meaty . It was not adorned by other intricacies or fabrications that would belie her character . Rather , its beauty laid in the subtleness and simplistic approach to real beauty ; a beauty that doesn 't require any false adorning . The color of the current center diamond made it somewhat difficult to picture it as it would be , were it fully alive . The jeweler assured me that he could find a matching diamond to replace the existing one in the center . Color aside , the setting of the diamonds spoke volumes . The sizes of the three stones were matched perfectly . The presence of the side diamonds gave a smooth transition to the larger center stone in a way that downplayed the flashiness of the larger diamond while focusing more on the integrity of the whole . The jeweler was fantastic and called several days later when he met with his supplier to obtain diamonds of better color . I raced to meet him and inspected several stones alongside the side diamonds until finding one that matched perfectly . By this time I was a little nervous that he wouldn 't be able to get it completed before our plane left in three days , but he assured me it was possible . At one point after I had picked out the ring , I was hanging out with her and she mentioned that she had recently had a conversation about rings with her friends . When she made a comment about carat weight , I played dumb and asked what a carat was and whether it had anything to do with gold . She mentioned something about the fact that people often by an engagement and wedding ring pair together , and I asked how you 'd know which is which . The whole time , I was laughing on the inside because I was now able to tell the carat weight of a diamond just by looking at it and I could explain in depth about the four C 's and what types of bands matched with what types of engagement rings . It sure was fun to lead her on like that . Later she would tell me that after this conversation , she thought to herself that it was a hopeless thing to be talking to me about , and that she might have to do it all on her own . Two days before our plane was to leave , I got the call from the jewelry store that the ring was ready . Racing down to pick it up , I was amazed at what he put into my hand . The colors matched perfectly and the center diamond was richer and sparkled more than I thought possible . The deeper I looked into its facets , the more color and complexity I saw . Yet , it retained that subtle brilliance and beauty which hid the true depth of its character from those not willing to look deeper . The more I looked and appreciated it , the more it rewarded me with its intricacies . This ring was perfect for her . Since we were travelling , I had to keep it well hidden yet by my side the entire time without her knowing . In the metal detector section of the airport , I was pushy in trying to get her to go farther ahead of me , as I feared that the TSA may need me to empty my bag and pockets . Thankfully , we went through without incident , and I was able to carry the ring in my pocket for the next several days until the time was right . And actually , there were several times that were right . But they just weren 't right enough . I wanted to make her wait a little , in case she was suspicious at all . The first night we were in San Francisco , we drove up the mountain overlooking the city just north of the Golden Gate Bridge . It was windy and cold , but we were nearly the only people on the hillside overlooking the multitude of lights on the other side of the channel . The bridge loomed overhead , and we stood silently , with my arms wrapped around her to keep warm . We kissed . The moment was right , but I had other plans . I fidgeted with the ring in my pocket and struggled to keep it there , but I had resolved to see my plan through to the end . We left the overlook that night still as boyfriend and girlfriend . I kept up the appearance of just some normal vacation without any special indication towards romance by suggesting we do some rather bland , touristy things . I suggested going to Alcatraz or some of the other tourist attractions downtown in order to keep her guessing , and maybe a little disappointed . I 'm sure she 'd appreciate it in the end . The second day called for rain so we drove south to escape it on Highway One . On the way , we stopped to take pictures near a lake and talked to a biker who recommended a certain state park a few miles away . Always one to enjoy the randomness in our vacationing freedom , we drove through the winding countryside past beautiful homes and palm trees mixed with deciduous . As we made our way driving up the snakelike hills of King 's Mountain , we stopped and walked for a bit as we saw a gorgeous overlook . This time , too , felt like the right moment . We were alone in the woods on an infrequently traversed road , high up the side of a mountain overlooking South San Francisco , the bay , and the ocean . Tall buildings graced the skyline beneath tall and billowing , yet nonthreatening clouds . It was a beautiful moment , and yet when the time could have been right , I sadistically beckoned to continue up the mountain . Throughout the day , we drove down the knife 's edge of Highway One , treacherously balancing between cliff face and the ravaging surf below . We made it to Monterey , where I saw a sign for Pebble Beach Golf Course , and on a whim , we drove the seventeen mile scenic loop . We spent a few hours driving the loop and stopping often to bask in the Mediterranean beauty of it all . We then made our way back north with the anticipation of watching the sunset from one of the many scattered beaches . While waiting for the sun to dip lower , we stopped and walked for a while in a rather inconspicuous location , but were greeted with a large square section of cliff face falling to a small beach below . The massive strength of the waves crashing tall upon the rocks was an impressive site . We were lost in time exploring the area and snapping photos of the crashing waves . After a short drive north , we stopped at a beach as the sun hung just above the horizon . Sitting on a large stone , we talked for a while and enjoyed the moment . The distant ocean began swallowing up the sun and I held her close . Again , I was tempted to pop the question right then and there , but I still had a better plan in mind . The sun disappeared , and so did we . By this time , as she later told me , she had lost all hope of a marriage proposal on this trip . She didn 't know I had a ring and plan , but she figured that if I hadn 't taken any of the previous opportunities , then hope was a lost cause . She resolved herself to wish for some other day . Little did she know it , but that day had come . After convincing her that it would be worth it to get up early in the morning for the day 's adventure , we awoke and drove north . We stopped again on the northern edge of the Golden Gate Bridge and witnessed the early morning splendor of a city waking up . The wind was brisk but fresh . I carried a backpack containing a large jug of water , a sub from Safeway , and a bottle of wine that I had bought in Monterey . In case you were wondering what type of wine compliments a ham and cheese sandwich from Safeway , it was a 2003 Chardonnay from Carmel Vineyards in western California . The pack was heavy , but my mind was only on the ring in my pocket and the woman at my side . We climbed . Our hike first took us up to 1400 feet through groves of redwoods stretching as tall as the eye could see . Due to the overpowering nature of the trees , there was little other plant life adorning the forest floor . The area in the Muir Woods section had an overpowering color of brown - red , with the floor taking on the same color as the bark of the trees . The first part of this hike wasn 't too difficult . We rose about 1000 feet from our starting point . We then came upon the divide between Muir Woods and Mt . Tamalpais State Park . Where the eastward facing side of the mountain contained nothing but redwoods , the west side contained few redwoods and more undergrowth and deciduous life . The immediate change in landscape was drastic . Rather than the red and browns of Muir Woods , this side of the mountain was a flurry of green . Our path took us on a long downward hike next to a bubbling stream . It wound around and around , never becoming too steep , and at several points crossing over the stream . The mountains rose on either side of us and were covered in the green canopy that only grows in the Pacific Northwest . At several locations , large prehistoric boulders had crashed down the slopes and rested in the middle of the stream to form delicate gurgling waterfalls . This side of the mountain teemed with green life sustained by the crisp , clean , and slightly dewy air . We had been hiking for hours and nearly four miles , when the fork ahead in the road told us that it was time to turn and climb again . The immediate incline was pocked with a wall of wooden steps that seemed to never end . Whereas the first climb in the redwood forest was a slight gradient , this climb got right to the point and shot straight up into the stratosphere . We made several sweaty stops to catch our breath and take a drink of water . The hike was hard and beautiful , and we loved it . When the path started leveling out again , the air had changed and the slight tinge of the ocean was barely discernable . I twirled the ring in my pocket . It was nearly time . We continued up the curves of the mountain , which now shifted back and forth between the majestic reds of the sequoias and the lush greens of the undergrowth . To our right up the hill , I could see a line on the ridge where the trees seemed to end . The path led up and took a sharp left at a point where we could make out a small valley in between the slopes which looked over the water . The sight of sun and ocean was invigorating . As we walked slightly further , the world startlingly opened up . For hours we had been climbing through dense forests with only glimpses of the sun . As we rounded this last corner , the forest relinquished its grip and led us into a meadow of rolling green hills . To the west , the ocean spread out 1400 feet below in a swooping arc that nipped the edge of the cloudless horizon . To the east , the hills rolled up and over each other to meet a large grove of trees in the distance . The view to the south showed soft flowing mountains reaching to the boundary of San Francisco , which was barely discernable on the very edge of sight . The sun shown overhead , undisturbed by the cloudless expanse of azure sky . We climbed one of the rolling hills to the left of the trail and just on the edge of its view . Here , we rested . With our legs aching and our backs sweaty , we sat in silence for a few moments , absorbing in the picturesque view . We then talked about our two years together . Retracing our steps from the first time we had seen each other , through our days as friends , jogging around the block and nervously asking her if she 'd ever want to hang out sometime , then waiting a few weeks before actually going out on date with her . We talked about how quickly we had become close , about the late nights spent talking into the early hours of the morning , and about how I took up drinking high doses of caffeine in the morning the next day at work . Memories of our first weekend together on Mackinac Island for a wedding came back in clear detail , followed by a barrage of summer weekend road trips and into her final year of school and diving . We joked about our first trip down to Miami and the Keys where she originally had wondered whether I was planning on proposing , only to continue on as just boyfriend and girlfriend . We remembered our journey as she went to the diving nationals , and how I came to know her dad quite well after a six hour drive between the two of us as we crossed Canada to watch her dive in Buffalo . Summer had come and she humored me as I entered a suicidal training mode for my kickboxing fights in San Jose , and we spent nights riding together on my motorcycle to watch the sunsets at Holland State Park . At the end of the summer , we heeded the call of the north and travelled to the upper peninsula of Michigan to the northernmost point visiting places common to both our youths and relishing the company of each other . Fall had come and with it a few more classes for her and a lot of work for me . Throughout our time together , we had often discussed the topic of marriage , of which I had always been afraid of . I turned the conversation now to our future together , as we overlooked the ocean and absorbed the rays of the sun . I told her how I had been thinking more realistically about marriage and how it was now becoming exciting for me . As we sat on the hillside , I slowly moved in front of her , face to face , on my knees , with the ring still hidden in my hand . I was about to put the ring on her finger , when I realized that I hadn 't even gotten to the point of asking the question . Choked up , I asked her to marry me . With a single , " Yes , " I slipped the ring on her finger and held onto the love of my life , cherishing the moment . The next three hours were spent on the top of that hillside , staring out over the vast ocean , having both our faces seared by the sun and cooled by the crisp breeze , and explaining what I had been up to in the last week and our plans for the future . We were lost in time , forever on that knoll , holding onto each other , drinking wine straight from the bottle , and splitting a cheap ham and cheese sandwich from Safeway . No other meal had ever tasted so good . However , I am not " unchurched " . I have known the power and love of the church firsthand and had attributed it to my personal relationship with Jesus Christ . I was raised in modern Baptist home with loving parents and a life rich within the church . I was saved early on and until I reached the age of twenty - five , my life was devoted to living for Jesus and spreading His Word and love . My journey was never intended to draw me away from the Christian faith . Rather , I made it a goal of mine to become closer to who Jesus truly was so that I was able to serve him better . I made an internal pact with myself and God that I would see this line of questioning through to the end . I had anticipated coming out the other end with a much closer relationship with God through Jesus . Yes , I was . If you doubt the commitment I had to Jesus , I am writing a more longwinded version of my conversion , my Christian life , and the circumstances that caused me to leave the faith . However difficult it may be to understand that a believer could stop believing , it is true . I 've got plenty of family and friends that would stand behind my life as a Christian . My deconversion began with the simple request to know God more . The journey carried me through the various Christian beliefs , until ultimately finding no god at the end of the tunnel . I knew that in order to attain a closer relationship to God , I would need to remain pure of thought , mind , and deed . It was probably the most sin - free time in my life . This one is hard to explain to someone who believes that beyond a doubt , there is a God . Let me try : I am as angry at the Christian God as you are angry at Zeus . The concept of God , while not foreign to me , is utterly lacking in substance . I can 't be angry at what I don 't believe exists , no matter how much you disagree . This is utterly false . My childhood in the church was fantastic and unbelievable . Most of my social life was inside the church and there was a never - ending fountain of fun things to do , lessons to learn , and spiritual " truths " to behold . The same goes for college . Absolutely false . While I struggled through the deconversion process spiritually and emotionally , today I am more spiritually fulfilled and happy than ever . To assume that a lack of beliefs in Jesus causes unhappiness and bitterness is to ignore the overwhelming evidence to the contrary . Ten years ago , I was certain that I would never leave my faith . If I were to make such a promise now that I would never leave my non - faith , that would mean nothing . But , now that I am able to read the Bible and see the faiths of man for what they truly are , I very much doubt that I will be returning to any faith , at any time . Those prayers , however much in earnest , have had no affect . I 'd prefer to think exactly the opposite . The fact that I know this is my one and only life to live causes me to make every moment worthwhile . While I don 't doubt that there was a time I questioned this very topic , I now see more meaning in my present life other than waiting for some future reward or trying to convert others to my belief system . On the contrary , I consider myself rather humble in this sense . I know that I am a speck of dust on a speck of dust on a speck of dust in an infinitely ( or finite , we 're still looking into that ) expanse of universe . I don 't assume that there is a maker of the universe , of supernovae and galaxies , of relativity and of quantum mechanics , who was greatly interested in the animal sacrifices of ancient Jews , or the sexual life of people today . That is what I 'd call arrogant . The terms " godless " and " atheist " are unnecessarily looked down upon , and a lot of that comes from the portrayal of unbelievers in religious circles hammered in by religious texts . We are frowned upon by most organized religions . Most unbelievers tend to keep their unbelief quiet in order to not disturb the peace , and because we don 't adhere to a central doctrine commanding us to tell others of our beliefs . I challenge believers to open their mind to the overwhelming fact that nonbelievers can be good people in no need of conversion : ones that are completely happy , spiritually fulfilled and generous towards humanity without the need to subscribe to a certain personal relationship or set of rituals or beliefs . We don 't all want to be Christians , nor do we have the same relationship that you have with Yahweh . If we make you queezy , ask yourself why you may believe negatively about unbelievers , or why you may look down upon them for not knowing the deeper truths you may consider yourself to hold . I view religion ( or personal relationships with Christ , if you prefer ) more as a construct of social life built out of primitive fears and superstitions , mixed with the intrinsic nature to want to be good . There are other ways of fulfilling that goal without resorting to beliefs in deities and afterlives . Some people fill that gap with an overwhelming obedience to an interpretation of God and Jesus through the Bible , and I can understand why because I 've been there . The spiritual highs that are attained through acts of worship can be adequately described in terms of psychology and neurology ( albeit dryly ) . I no longer fool myself into thinking such experiences are the cause of a higher power , and somehow that makes the experience of life on Earth all the richer for me . I can 't speak for all unbelievers , just as no Christian can speak for all others qualifying themselves as Christian . I know that there are atheists born again as Christians , and I know there are Christians born again as atheists ( myself included in the latter ) . This all seems characteristic of the human experience , so I am unable to speak for all .
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Only months earlier , the thought of such a declaration had sent me squirming uncomfortably and avoiding conversations . I used to have what I considered a healthy fear of commitment . My fiancé would disagree as to exactly how healthy or normal that fear was , but that 's beside the point . Even still , the thought and even the word fiancé , gives me goose bumps . No longer are they shivers of fear , but of excitement . I can 't wait to marry this girl . She has weathered my doubts , fears , and my ultimate procrastination to this point . We have been together for two years now . It was only a few months into the relationship that I knew she was the one . We became very close , very quickly , and we were often mistake for having been together for much longer than we actually were . It took some time , but I finally came to my senses . Each day I was with her , a few more dents in my armor appeared . Over time , without even knowing it , she was able to chip away the wall I had erected around my innermost being . All the fears of commitment were gone . All the anxiety about spending my life with someone else somehow vanished . Marriage no longer looked like a cage . I began to realize it is but a doorway , opening onto a life of possibility with the woman I love . As this realization dawned on me , I still guarded my intentions . She had always wanted the engagement to be a surprise , so I played along with that . We still talked about our future and marriage as much as we used to . She could tell I was warming to the thought , but I kept hidden the full extent of my excitement and feigned an attitude of grudging reluctance . I began to tell some inner friends that it would be soon , and began questioning others about how they planned their engagement and wedding . We were approaching the two year anniversary of our first date , and I was trying to think about how to propose around that time . The trouble is , I knew she would probably be expecting the same thing . I went over a bunch of possible engagement scenarios , but none of them felt right . Around this time , we were both extremely busy . She was always studying for her nursing boards , and I was swamped days , nights , and weekends on several projects at work . We had talked about wanting to get away for a few days ' vacation but her work schedule didn 't allot enough time . If she was able to get off work , we would have to fly out in a week . As we were driving to have dinner with her parents that very night , a plan started emerging in my head . In an instant , I had everything planned out for a perfect surprise engagement . The following day , I left work early and went to a half dozen jewelry shops . I went from zero knowledge about diamonds to being able to identify carat weight by sight and being able to discard diamonds by color and blemishes by sight alone . I learned a lot that day and told the jewelers that I 'd be back with my mother and my future sister - in - law for some womanly advice . I then trekked over to my future in - laws to ask her mom and dad for their daughter 's hand in marriage . I 'll never forget her father 's immediate response of , " Sounds fine to me ! " I then voyaged to my father 's house and told him and my step - mother and step - brothers . My mother I would surprise the following night and drag her ring shopping with me . I never realized how picky I would be when it came to shopping for a ring . I sensed the agitation of many salesmen as I rejected one after another , but I came to understand how much character can go into each piece of jewelry . I wanted something that was uniquely her . I didn 't want this ring to be a mere centerpiece , but to accompany the inner and outer beauty of this woman . She is not flashy or trendy . We often joke about the fact that our choice of clothing usually consists of a drab sweatshirt and the same old ragged jeans . Many times we arrive at an occasion realizing we 're both underdressed . No gaudy piece of jewelry would suffice . One recommendation from a friend was to get the biggest ring possible . While this sounds fun , it just isn 't her . She is very athletic and competitive , yet prefers to downplay her accomplishments and is often uncomfortable in the spotlight . I find this inner humbleness to be one of her greatest beauties . Likewise , she is often found to be shy and quiet within larger groups or with people she doesn 't know . Yet , with me , the shyness melts away and I experience the fullness of her inner self . The fact that I alone am able to see this side of her is something I treasure very deeply . There is a subtlety in her demeanor that betrays the woman within . At first glance she may seem introverted and quiet , yet there is a depth to her character hidden beneath the surface that she doesn 't give away lightly . As I draw closer to her , I realize more and more of her beauty . The subtlety that exists upon first glance is gone as she opens her life to me . She is at once strong and delicate , tough and tender , rugged with a hint of fragility . She embraces the values of endurance and hard work to meet challenges head - on without backing down . As a nurse I see the joy she takes in her work and the heartache that comes with sharing the pain of others . She is not an idealist . She does not dream of how it all could be and leave it at that . Hers is a plan of action . Her dreams are real , and are continually accomplished through her purposeful approach and perseverance . I revel in her complexities , and adore her outlook on life . She has softened my soul by opening up her own . Her perspectives have helped round out some rather rough edges of my existence , and all this has happened just by knowing her on increasingly deeper levels . All this and more swirled in my mind as I rejected ring after ring . Nothing was suited to portray the breadth and depth of her character . It was as I began to lose hope for the perfect representation , when I stumbled across a rather plain ring in a jewelry store I nearly forgot about . It had a subtlety I thought impossible for a ring its style and size . Every other three stone ring went the route of having too much elevation . I dismissed the possibility of tall rings because to my eyes , they portrayed an inflated sense of self - worth and a shallow attempt at compensation . I was told that three stone rings cannot , by definition , be placed too low due to their size , but this one traversed seamlessly over the curvature of the finger without any offensive peaks . The thickness of the white gold was just right and the setting for each square diamond was simple . The band wasn 't too thin to be dainty , nor was it too large to be meaty . It was not adorned by other intricacies or fabrications that would belie her character . Rather , its beauty laid in the subtleness and simplistic approach to real beauty ; a beauty that doesn 't require any false adorning . The color of the current center diamond made it somewhat difficult to picture it as it would be , were it fully alive . The jeweler assured me that he could find a matching diamond to replace the existing one in the center . Color aside , the setting of the diamonds spoke volumes . The sizes of the three stones were matched perfectly . The presence of the side diamonds gave a smooth transition to the larger center stone in a way that downplayed the flashiness of the larger diamond while focusing more on the integrity of the whole . The jeweler was fantastic and called several days later when he met with his supplier to obtain diamonds of better color . I raced to meet him and inspected several stones alongside the side diamonds until finding one that matched perfectly . By this time I was a little nervous that he wouldn 't be able to get it completed before our plane left in three days , but he assured me it was possible . At one point after I had picked out the ring , I was hanging out with her and she mentioned that she had recently had a conversation about rings with her friends . When she made a comment about carat weight , I played dumb and asked what a carat was and whether it had anything to do with gold . She mentioned something about the fact that people often by an engagement and wedding ring pair together , and I asked how you 'd know which is which . The whole time , I was laughing on the inside because I was now able to tell the carat weight of a diamond just by looking at it and I could explain in depth about the four C 's and what types of bands matched with what types of engagement rings . It sure was fun to lead her on like that . Later she would tell me that after this conversation , she thought to herself that it was a hopeless thing to be talking to me about , and that she might have to do it all on her own . Two days before our plane was to leave , I got the call from the jewelry store that the ring was ready . Racing down to pick it up , I was amazed at what he put into my hand . The colors matched perfectly and the center diamond was richer and sparkled more than I thought possible . The deeper I looked into its facets , the more color and complexity I saw . Yet , it retained that subtle brilliance and beauty which hid the true depth of its character from those not willing to look deeper . The more I looked and appreciated it , the more it rewarded me with its intricacies . This ring was perfect for her . Since we were travelling , I had to keep it well hidden yet by my side the entire time without her knowing . In the metal detector section of the airport , I was pushy in trying to get her to go farther ahead of me , as I feared that the TSA may need me to empty my bag and pockets . Thankfully , we went through without incident , and I was able to carry the ring in my pocket for the next several days until the time was right . And actually , there were several times that were right . But they just weren 't right enough . I wanted to make her wait a little , in case she was suspicious at all . The first night we were in San Francisco , we drove up the mountain overlooking the city just north of the Golden Gate Bridge . It was windy and cold , but we were nearly the only people on the hillside overlooking the multitude of lights on the other side of the channel . The bridge loomed overhead , and we stood silently , with my arms wrapped around her to keep warm . We kissed . The moment was right , but I had other plans . I fidgeted with the ring in my pocket and struggled to keep it there , but I had resolved to see my plan through to the end . We left the overlook that night still as boyfriend and girlfriend . I kept up the appearance of just some normal vacation without any special indication towards romance by suggesting we do some rather bland , touristy things . I suggested going to Alcatraz or some of the other tourist attractions downtown in order to keep her guessing , and maybe a little disappointed . I 'm sure she 'd appreciate it in the end . The second day called for rain so we drove south to escape it on Highway One . On the way , we stopped to take pictures near a lake and talked to a biker who recommended a certain state park a few miles away . Always one to enjoy the randomness in our vacationing freedom , we drove through the winding countryside past beautiful homes and palm trees mixed with deciduous . As we made our way driving up the snakelike hills of King 's Mountain , we stopped and walked for a bit as we saw a gorgeous overlook . This time , too , felt like the right moment . We were alone in the woods on an infrequently traversed road , high up the side of a mountain overlooking South San Francisco , the bay , and the ocean . Tall buildings graced the skyline beneath tall and billowing , yet nonthreatening clouds . It was a beautiful moment , and yet when the time could have been right , I sadistically beckoned to continue up the mountain . Throughout the day , we drove down the knife 's edge of Highway One , treacherously balancing between cliff face and the ravaging surf below . We made it to Monterey , where I saw a sign for Pebble Beach Golf Course , and on a whim , we drove the seventeen mile scenic loop . We spent a few hours driving the loop and stopping often to bask in the Mediterranean beauty of it all . We then made our way back north with the anticipation of watching the sunset from one of the many scattered beaches . While waiting for the sun to dip lower , we stopped and walked for a while in a rather inconspicuous location , but were greeted with a large square section of cliff face falling to a small beach below . The massive strength of the waves crashing tall upon the rocks was an impressive site . We were lost in time exploring the area and snapping photos of the crashing waves . After a short drive north , we stopped at a beach as the sun hung just above the horizon . Sitting on a large stone , we talked for a while and enjoyed the moment . The distant ocean began swallowing up the sun and I held her close . Again , I was tempted to pop the question right then and there , but I still had a better plan in mind . The sun disappeared , and so did we . By this time , as she later told me , she had lost all hope of a marriage proposal on this trip . She didn 't know I had a ring and plan , but she figured that if I hadn 't taken any of the previous opportunities , then hope was a lost cause . She resolved herself to wish for some other day . Little did she know it , but that day had come . After convincing her that it would be worth it to get up early in the morning for the day 's adventure , we awoke and drove north . We stopped again on the northern edge of the Golden Gate Bridge and witnessed the early morning splendor of a city waking up . The wind was brisk but fresh . I carried a backpack containing a large jug of water , a sub from Safeway , and a bottle of wine that I had bought in Monterey . In case you were wondering what type of wine compliments a ham and cheese sandwich from Safeway , it was a 2003 Chardonnay from Carmel Vineyards in western California . The pack was heavy , but my mind was only on the ring in my pocket and the woman at my side . We climbed . Our hike first took us up to 1400 feet through groves of redwoods stretching as tall as the eye could see . Due to the overpowering nature of the trees , there was little other plant life adorning the forest floor . The area in the Muir Woods section had an overpowering color of brown - red , with the floor taking on the same color as the bark of the trees . The first part of this hike wasn 't too difficult . We rose about 1000 feet from our starting point . We then came upon the divide between Muir Woods and Mt . Tamalpais State Park . Where the eastward facing side of the mountain contained nothing but redwoods , the west side contained few redwoods and more undergrowth and deciduous life . The immediate change in landscape was drastic . Rather than the red and browns of Muir Woods , this side of the mountain was a flurry of green . Our path took us on a long downward hike next to a bubbling stream . It wound around and around , never becoming too steep , and at several points crossing over the stream . The mountains rose on either side of us and were covered in the green canopy that only grows in the Pacific Northwest . At several locations , large prehistoric boulders had crashed down the slopes and rested in the middle of the stream to form delicate gurgling waterfalls . This side of the mountain teemed with green life sustained by the crisp , clean , and slightly dewy air . We had been hiking for hours and nearly four miles , when the fork ahead in the road told us that it was time to turn and climb again . The immediate incline was pocked with a wall of wooden steps that seemed to never end . Whereas the first climb in the redwood forest was a slight gradient , this climb got right to the point and shot straight up into the stratosphere . We made several sweaty stops to catch our breath and take a drink of water . The hike was hard and beautiful , and we loved it . When the path started leveling out again , the air had changed and the slight tinge of the ocean was barely discernable . I twirled the ring in my pocket . It was nearly time . We continued up the curves of the mountain , which now shifted back and forth between the majestic reds of the sequoias and the lush greens of the undergrowth . To our right up the hill , I could see a line on the ridge where the trees seemed to end . The path led up and took a sharp left at a point where we could make out a small valley in between the slopes which looked over the water . The sight of sun and ocean was invigorating . As we walked slightly further , the world startlingly opened up . For hours we had been climbing through dense forests with only glimpses of the sun . As we rounded this last corner , the forest relinquished its grip and led us into a meadow of rolling green hills . To the west , the ocean spread out 1400 feet below in a swooping arc that nipped the edge of the cloudless horizon . To the east , the hills rolled up and over each other to meet a large grove of trees in the distance . The view to the south showed soft flowing mountains reaching to the boundary of San Francisco , which was barely discernable on the very edge of sight . The sun shown overhead , undisturbed by the cloudless expanse of azure sky . We climbed one of the rolling hills to the left of the trail and just on the edge of its view . Here , we rested . With our legs aching and our backs sweaty , we sat in silence for a few moments , absorbing in the picturesque view . We then talked about our two years together . Retracing our steps from the first time we had seen each other , through our days as friends , jogging around the block and nervously asking her if she 'd ever want to hang out sometime , then waiting a few weeks before actually going out on date with her . We talked about how quickly we had become close , about the late nights spent talking into the early hours of the morning , and about how I took up drinking high doses of caffeine in the morning the next day at work . Memories of our first weekend together on Mackinac Island for a wedding came back in clear detail , followed by a barrage of summer weekend road trips and into her final year of school and diving . We joked about our first trip down to Miami and the Keys where she originally had wondered whether I was planning on proposing , only to continue on as just boyfriend and girlfriend . We remembered our journey as she went to the diving nationals , and how I came to know her dad quite well after a six hour drive between the two of us as we crossed Canada to watch her dive in Buffalo . Summer had come and she humored me as I entered a suicidal training mode for my kickboxing fights in San Jose , and we spent nights riding together on my motorcycle to watch the sunsets at Holland State Park . At the end of the summer , we heeded the call of the north and travelled to the upper peninsula of Michigan to the northernmost point visiting places common to both our youths and relishing the company of each other . Fall had come and with it a few more classes for her and a lot of work for me . Throughout our time together , we had often discussed the topic of marriage , of which I had always been afraid of . I turned the conversation now to our future together , as we overlooked the ocean and absorbed the rays of the sun . I told her how I had been thinking more realistically about marriage and how it was now becoming exciting for me . As we sat on the hillside , I slowly moved in front of her , face to face , on my knees , with the ring still hidden in my hand . I was about to put the ring on her finger , when I realized that I hadn 't even gotten to the point of asking the question . Choked up , I asked her to marry me . With a single , " Yes , " I slipped the ring on her finger and held onto the love of my life , cherishing the moment . The next three hours were spent on the top of that hillside , staring out over the vast ocean , having both our faces seared by the sun and cooled by the crisp breeze , and explaining what I had been up to in the last week and our plans for the future . We were lost in time , forever on that knoll , holding onto each other , drinking wine straight from the bottle , and splitting a cheap ham and cheese sandwich from Safeway . No other meal had ever tasted so good . However , I am not " unchurched " . I have known the power and love of the church firsthand and had attributed it to my personal relationship with Jesus Christ . I was raised in modern Baptist home with loving parents and a life rich within the church . I was saved early on and until I reached the age of twenty - five , my life was devoted to living for Jesus and spreading His Word and love . My journey was never intended to draw me away from the Christian faith . Rather , I made it a goal of mine to become closer to who Jesus truly was so that I was able to serve him better . I made an internal pact with myself and God that I would see this line of questioning through to the end . I had anticipated coming out the other end with a much closer relationship with God through Jesus . Yes , I was . If you doubt the commitment I had to Jesus , I am writing a more longwinded version of my conversion , my Christian life , and the circumstances that caused me to leave the faith . However difficult it may be to understand that a believer could stop believing , it is true . I 've got plenty of family and friends that would stand behind my life as a Christian . My deconversion began with the simple request to know God more . The journey carried me through the various Christian beliefs , until ultimately finding no god at the end of the tunnel . I knew that in order to attain a closer relationship to God , I would need to remain pure of thought , mind , and deed . It was probably the most sin - free time in my life . This one is hard to explain to someone who believes that beyond a doubt , there is a God . Let me try : I am as angry at the Christian God as you are angry at Zeus . The concept of God , while not foreign to me , is utterly lacking in substance . I can 't be angry at what I don 't believe exists , no matter how much you disagree . This is utterly false . My childhood in the church was fantastic and unbelievable . Most of my social life was inside the church and there was a never - ending fountain of fun things to do , lessons to learn , and spiritual " truths " to behold . The same goes for college . Absolutely false . While I struggled through the deconversion process spiritually and emotionally , today I am more spiritually fulfilled and happy than ever . To assume that a lack of beliefs in Jesus causes unhappiness and bitterness is to ignore the overwhelming evidence to the contrary . Ten years ago , I was certain that I would never leave my faith . If I were to make such a promise now that I would never leave my non - faith , that would mean nothing . But , now that I am able to read the Bible and see the faiths of man for what they truly are , I very much doubt that I will be returning to any faith , at any time . Those prayers , however much in earnest , have had no affect . I 'd prefer to think exactly the opposite . The fact that I know this is my one and only life to live causes me to make every moment worthwhile . While I don 't doubt that there was a time I questioned this very topic , I now see more meaning in my present life other than waiting for some future reward or trying to convert others to my belief system . On the contrary , I consider myself rather humble in this sense . I know that I am a speck of dust on a speck of dust on a speck of dust in an infinitely ( or finite , we 're still looking into that ) expanse of universe . I don 't assume that there is a maker of the universe , of supernovae and galaxies , of relativity and of quantum mechanics , who was greatly interested in the animal sacrifices of ancient Jews , or the sexual life of people today . That is what I 'd call arrogant . The terms " godless " and " atheist " are unnecessarily looked down upon , and a lot of that comes from the portrayal of unbelievers in religious circles hammered in by religious texts . We are frowned upon by most organized religions . Most unbelievers tend to keep their unbelief quiet in order to not disturb the peace , and because we don 't adhere to a central doctrine commanding us to tell others of our beliefs . I challenge believers to open their mind to the overwhelming fact that nonbelievers can be good people in no need of conversion : ones that are completely happy , spiritually fulfilled and generous towards humanity without the need to subscribe to a certain personal relationship or set of rituals or beliefs . We don 't all want to be Christians , nor do we have the same relationship that you have with Yahweh . If we make you queezy , ask yourself why you may believe negatively about unbelievers , or why you may look down upon them for not knowing the deeper truths you may consider yourself to hold . I view religion ( or personal relationships with Christ , if you prefer ) more as a construct of social life built out of primitive fears and superstitions , mixed with the intrinsic nature to want to be good . There are other ways of fulfilling that goal without resorting to beliefs in deities and afterlives . Some people fill that gap with an overwhelming obedience to an interpretation of God and Jesus through the Bible , and I can understand why because I 've been there . The spiritual highs that are attained through acts of worship can be adequately described in terms of psychology and neurology ( albeit dryly ) . I no longer fool myself into thinking such experiences are the cause of a higher power , and somehow that makes the experience of life on Earth all the richer for me . I can 't speak for all unbelievers , just as no Christian can speak for all others qualifying themselves as Christian . I know that there are atheists born again as Christians , and I know there are Christians born again as atheists ( myself included in the latter ) . This all seems characteristic of the human experience , so I am unable to speak for all .
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In Spanish , Clemente means merciful . Roberto Clemente lived up to his name . In the same way that Americans of a certain age will say to each other , " Where were you when Kennedy was shot ? " Baseball fans will ask one another , " Where were you when you heard that Roberto Clemente died ? " Roberto Clemente was that important - - to Pittsburgh and to baseball , and to the world of sports and beyond . As we end this year , one that has seen money and drugs foul the world of baseball , we can remember a ball player who allowed us to see athletes as honorable . The word " hero " is often misused - especially in sports - - but the true meaning is " one who gives his life to help others " , and that is what Clemente did on December 31 , 1972 , thirty - five years ago tonight . Clemente is remembered as one of the best arms in baseball . Many believe he was the greatest right - fielder ever , shining in the outfield , tracking down every ball in range often making spectacular leaping and diving catches . And then there was that throw - all the catcher had to do was stand there . Known as " The Great One " , Clemente 's lifetime batting average was . 317 . He earned four National League batting championships , twelve Gold Glove awards , and was National League MVP in 1966 and World Series MVP in 1971 . He was the first Latin American player elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame . In addition to his hard work on the field Clemente worked between games and in the off season helping the poor and visiting sick children in every major league city . He did none of it for media attention . Bob Prince , colorful announcer for the Pittsburgh Pirates , used to sing out , " Arriba ! " when Clemente came up to bat . In Spanish arriba means " get going " or " get there " and Clemente could get there . December 31 , 1972 he was going to Nicaragua to ensure that the relief supplies he gathered would reach the starving victims . The qualities mentioned by those who played with Clemente or who saw him play are : Pride , fury , grace and always dignity . The poet , Enrique ZoriPosted by This is one of my favorite days of the year . This afternoon I 'll be heading out to start my Christmas shopping . For a long time I was ashamed to admit that I began holiday preparations with just seven days to go , but the truth is this is my favorite part of the holidays . When I do let it leak that I 'm just starting my shopping there is always some very superior person happy to share that she was all done in July . Well goody , goody , but what fun is that ? Nor need you tell me about those gifts you bought on sale last February . You saved how much money doing that ? Well goody for you , but saving money is not the spirit of the season . No , I did not procrastinate . I well know the advice about how to make Christmas shopping easier . But there are some things that don 't get better just by being easier . I 've read many of those How to Get Organized books , but I 've also lived through enough tragedy to know that organizing one 's life is an illusion . I grant you that there may be a moment this week when I will envy those who had their gifts wrapped in July . But that 's kind of like having a good report from the dentist isn 't it ? All very wholesome but where 's the fun ? And don 't even get me started on the people who buy their gifts online . How much holiday spirit does it take to point and click ? Yes you meet the technical requirement of gift given , but where 's the spirit ? Why not just hand everyone on your list a twenty - dollar bill , and say , " Hey , have a go at it " . I also hate that suggestion that you should have a stash of generic gifts in your closet just in case someone surprises you with a gift and you were not prepared to reciprocate . Think how mean that is . Someone is just about to feel big and generous by surprising you with a gift and you cut them off at the knees with a retaliatory box of bath salts . It 's the cruelest one - upmanship . Those of us who begin our shopping this week may be enjoying the real spirit of Christmas . We get to watch humanity test itself and see kindness and patience and gracPosted by We are entering a week that features equal portions of gratitude and uncomfortable dinner conversations . For many Thanksgiving is a mixed bag ; we count our blessings and defend our beliefs . Good manners dictate no talk of politics or religion but these days there 's little else . As we say grace some of us will add a silent prayer , " Please God , do not let Uncle Bart start in on Reagan as our greatest president . " But if we can pay attention through dessert we 'll notice something that should trouble us even more . Increasingly there is a conversational disconnect that goes like this : When asked , " What do you think about such - and - such ? " Many people will reply , " Did you see that report on TV last night ? " Their response , instead of sharing their own thinking , offers up a source of information . You might imagine this is the unique province of far - right talk radio fans , but no , it 's just as likely to come from followers of NPR and John Stewart . This loss of genuine thinking shows up in all parts of our lives . In business we 've traded Peter Drucker 's long discourses on the nuances of management for the abbreviated ideas of The Apprentice . As consumers we 've substituted marketing for self - examination , letting researchers figure us out , and advertisers tell us what to want . Did we get tired , or did we just get lazy ? Or are we afraid to think ? That may seem an odd question at a time when the new buzzword is " human capital " , but we 're conflicted about being thinkers . We have a history of disdaining intellectuals and preferring the not - so - smart to the smarty - pants . We rely on lots of information rather than on the messiness of thinking , mulling , reconsidering and being confused which are at the heart of a genuine intellectual process . We have a kind of perverse national pride in anti - intellectualism . Even our President 's pretense at being just an ordinary guy - one who went to Andover , Yale and Harvard Business School - - is intended to put Americans at ease . And it does . Thinking takes practice and we aPosted by Today I am celebrating Dia de los Muertos , or Day of the Dead . This isn 't a holiday I grew up with , but one I 've borrowed from the Southwest and Mexico . It 's become one of my favorite holidays because it 's a good counterpart to Halloween . Except for the candy , October 31st doesn 't leave much for grownups . Being scared of goblins lost its sway when I got old enough to lose people that I loved . I 'm not spooked by the idea of ghosts now ; in fact , I 'd welcome a visit from some of them . That 's what Day of the Dead is about . There is a belief that on this day the veil separating this world and the next is thinner and so it 's a time we can be closer to those who have died . Day of the Dead has rituals to help us remember our loved ones . We can visit in our imagination or feel their presence . We can use prayer or conversation or begin by looking at old photos . The Mexican tradition that I use includes making an ofrenda , or altar , something as simple as putting photos and candles on the coffee table . We also have chocolate as a symbol of the sweet and bitter separation from those we love . A ritual is a way of ordering life . Whether hearing Mass or saying Kaddish , small ceremonies help us to sort and reframe . When someone dies the relationship doesn 't stop , it 's renegotiated , literally re - conceived . This isn 't a very American idea . Culturally our preferences are for efficiency and effectiveness ; even with grief we use words like closure and process . I remember my frustration when I was grieving and well - intentioned friends suggested I was taking too long and quoted Elizabeth Kubler - Ross . The simple version of her theory lists stages : Denial - - Bargaining - - Anger - - Depression , and Acceptance . But this list implies that a person can move from point A to point B and be done . It makes grief seem like an emotional Monopoly game where you go around the board , collect points and get to a distinct and certain end . This false notion of linearity is apparent when we hear people speak of someone who is grieving , " Oh , Posted by Outside help . Yes , still , after 20 - plus years in recovery I take advantage of what is euphemistically referred to as " outside help " . It is therapy and now , the full continuum of alternative care : acupuncture , Reiki , energy healing , groups , retreats , spiritual direction . The 12 steps may be a core but - since some are sicker than others , and yes since I 'm still impatient and a perfectionist - I take all the help - and all forms - that I can get . But the reading . Self - help reading sometimes takes a beating in AA . But I 'm ever grateful for self - help books because that 's how I got here . Robin Norwood 's " Women Who Love Too Much " pointed me to AA , OA , ACOA and Al - Anon . Since then I have read across the genre . Recently the new memoir lit has intersected self - help and I have loved books like " Here If you Need Me " and " Eat . Pray . Love . " A smart woman learns from her mistakes ; a wise woman learns from other people 's mistakes . So give me books and all your stories : what you did and what happened . Building a Cognitive Life Raft : I learned that phrase a long time ago and I love it . A cognitive life raft . When I thought that I was wasting time reading self - help or psychology books I really was building a layer to help me thru the sea of pain that would accompany the next change . We 're supposed to " feel our feelings " and " do the grief work " . . . yes I have done it all and it works : pound those pillows and scream , break the tennis racket on the couch , write the letters that never get mailed . Buy yourself a Teddy Bear and a doll and re - parent yourself for years . But I also found that I needed to lay down a theoretical base , to build a cognitive structure to support all that , so psychology books and self - help built a raft for me to ride the river of emotional healing . I still do this . I 'm struggling now because I need to change a relationship . I 'm sad and scared . I write about it and I talk about it and in the car I play Brandi Carlisle and Bonnie Raitt and I cry , but I also read about abandonmentPosted by The new year has never entered with champagne and icy roads , nor begun in silver lame and silly hats . Though you may have spent many a January saying new years words , you know as well as I that the real new year begins now , as it always has , the day after Labor Day . It does not matter that it is hot outside or that you are still putting on shorts when you come home from work . The new year begins as it did for 12 critical years . It begins with back to school . And it does not matter how long it has been since you went to school , or if you have kids of your own going off to school . You know in your bones that the new year begins now . And how could it not ? For 12 most important years you went off on that first Tuesday in September to try out the new identity you had forged over the summer . Was your look changed this year ? Had you let your hair grow long ? Or cut it short ? Would they recognize you right away ? Would everyone sense the new sophistication gained at summer camp in New Jersey , or two weeks visiting your sister in L . A . ? Yeah , you were that same old kid when you left on the last day of school in June , but every year in the fall there was a new you and it debuted the day after Labor Day . Every September you promised yourself you 'd be more popular , more friendly , more outgoing . Or you promised you 'd play around less , make new friends , hang out with the good kids . If it was a year of changing schools then there was more newness and more opportunity to be a new you . That was the beauty of the beginning of September . Every single year you could return from summer and try out a new identity . You could be a scholar this year after a past as the class clown . Or you could be the friendly one after years as the grind and curve setter . The opportunity to redo your image came every year the day after Labor Day . And it still does . January is not the right time for New Years resolutions . How could it be ? You 've been too busy with the holidays and it 's cold and yucky out , and you are broke from gift giving . How are you reallPosted by This is a big week for the shopping mall . Whether we 're sending a kid back to school or just responding to our own internal clock , fall shopping is now . Throughout the stores today we 'll complain about prices , and we 'll commiserate about what kids insist they , " have to have " , but the odds are good that adults will also want a new shirt or sweater this time of year . The pull to shop is powerful ; it 's that New Year 's feeling that 's built into us from years of preparing for school , but there is also a strong push that comes from advertising . The August issues of women 's magazines insist that " brown is the new black " , and " low waists are out " . It 's easy enough to take shots at the fashion industry , imagining the marketing wizards who pull our strings to make us shop , and we can sigh that we are slaves to materialism who base our identities on what we wear . Yes , all of that is true . But it 's not new . The truth is that we 're all wearing costumes all the time , and what we wear is a form of communication . So if we 're going to cover our nakedness and communicate we may as well have some fun . I didn 't always feel this way . For years I bought into the idea that virtue was to be found in the equivalent of wearing sackcloth and ashes . I hid my love of clothes and felt ashamed when I bought the fall fashion magazines . I believed it was politically incorrect to know the names of designers as well as I knew poets . But that changed . I remembered why clothes became important : What I recall from 7th grade , in addition to Darwin 's Voyage of the Beagle , was my obsession with another girl 's shoes . My parents allowed only one pair of new school shoes : nice , neutral penny loafers . But that fall I sat near a girl whose shoes matched her clothes . For weeks I stared at her feet and the navy kidskin flats trimmed with bright green piping . The many shoes that tumble out of my closet today are futile attempts to fill - - in the present - - a hole that exists in the past . But there is another factor : I stopped bPosted by One of the great songs by the Roches is called " Married Men " . Maggie , Teri and Suzy sing : " Oh the married men , the married men . Makes me feel like a girl again to run with the married men . " I 've been humming that song all day . Last night in a women 's meeting the woman who chaired was celebrating two years of sobriety . She shared that she had been dating a married man for five years , and was now struggling with that and realizing that soon she 'd need to end the relationship . Her shame and pain were palpable . Now , with two years of recovery she was experiencing the reality that sets in with clearer eyes . It 's less easy - though not impossible - - to rationalize and justify having an affair when you are sober . Being in a women 's meeting it was possible then for others to talk about this particularly effective way that we hurt ourselves . When I spoke I talked about the married men in my life before and , yes , even in recovery . For those who have not had an affair with a married man it is only another " yet " . I was dating a married man when I got into recovery . I went to my first AA meeting with him because he was court - ordered and he had lost his license . I was helping by driving him to AA on Sunday mornings . We went to AA and then we went to " brunch " . Brunch was saturated with alcohol . But the gift was that less than a year later , when I was ready to go to AA for me , I knew where to go and I knew that the people were nice and I had a sense of the protocol of meetings . I am tickled though that we all use the word " dating " for married men . When I was dating my married men , the court - ordered one and yes , the 13th stepping one in early recovery , there were no dinners , no movies , no flowers . . . so where was the " dating " ? Now , I must admit , as I said in the meeting , I still play in this dangerous water . No more affairs but I flirt , and I fantasize . What is that ? I have had many other addictions : smoking , food , work , exercise but never , so I said , self - mutilation or cutting , but isn 't that what marPosted by I am in an airplane flying home from Bermuda . I 'm sitting over the left engine . I 'm happy . I love to fly . I look down at the wing and love the miracle of lift ; all that air flowing over and under the wing creating lift , allowing this big metal box full of people to rise into the air and stay there until the pilot changes that air current to bring the plane down . We know that sometimes . . very rarely in reality … things happen and a plane can have a bad landing or a crash . That 's where my fantasy comes in . I have had this fantasy a long time . I always think " If this plane goes down , I die happy " . To die in a plane crash beats cancer and MS and ALS and cardiac deterioration and so many other things . As I 've said , I love planes . But another fantasy follows that one . I imagine there is the crash , the disaster , near disaster , the emergency landing , the lost engine - and I survive . I 'm one of the survivors and as the fantasy continues I am able to help others . I can see the way out , I lead some people thru the flames ; I unbuckle someone who is stuck and shout , " That way , go that way " . I survive this near - death horrible fate and I 'm able to help some others to survive too . I 've had this fantasy for years and never told anyone shamed by the lack of humility in this fantasy : The hero is me . I survive and save others . But then , in this plane on this trip I hear myself and I hear the words of this fantasy in my head : " I survive and I am able to save some of the others . " Then it hits me : It 's already true , that 's already happened . It 's happening now . I survived and I AM able to lead some others to safety . It 's not a fantasy . Recovery from addiction is a gift and a miracle and we survive and have a chance to lead someone else to safety or at least point the way out . Recovery is a gift . I survived the crash . The past couple of nights I have been watching Bull Durham . This is the movie from 1988 with Kevin Costner playing an aging catcher in the minor leagues . This is a movie that appears to be about baseball and life in the minor leagues , the travails and hopes and desperate desires of men who want to play ball for a living . It is seemingly a men 's movie with all the swearing and ass slapping and drinking and baseball lore . But no , this is really THE all time best chick flick . Yes , we 'd love to bed Kevin Costner from the first moment he arrives in the locker room wearing his navy blazer , rumpled white shirt and the khakis that are the perfect shade of tan with a hint of olive . He 's a manly man who in the first 20 minutes gives the fabulous , if too artful , monologue about his beliefs which includes , " I believe in the cock , the pussy , , the small of a woman 's back … that the novels of Susan Sontag are self - indulgent , overrated crap " , and which ends with his belief in " long , slow , deep , soft wet kisses that last three days " . Yes ! But there is a scene later that truly outs women viewers and fans for what they truly want . " Do you want to dance ? " Sarandon asks Costner , sitting in the kitchen late at night . He says yes , but surprises her by not dancing but instead he sweeps all the food and dishes off the kitchen table onto the floor and spins Sarandon onto that now empty table and they go at it rolling and clutching . Oh , that is it : We want a man to want us that much ; we want a man who wants to make love a second time so much that he goes for it in the kitchen and on the table . We do want that kind of passion in our lives . But , there is something else in this scene . I realized later that what we truly desire most - which is hidden in this romantic scene is not what Costner does , but what Sarandon does NOT do . As all of her dishes and leftover food hit and crash on the floor Sarandon allows herself to be swept onto that table instead of diving for a broom , or a cloth or saying to her lover , " Hold on just a secPosted by I was listening to an essay on our local public radio station and a man was describing his experience of meeting Mr . Rogers and what it was like to be in his presence for an interview . The simplicity of him and the very simple centeredness . He described the impact of that brief meeting and how he later , after Mr . Rogers died found himself trying to be an entertaining dad to his own kids and it occurred to him that Mr . Rogers was simply himself , just himself and that was the message that he conveyed to little kids : It really , really is OK to be yourself . " There 's no one like you " Mr . Rogers would tell people , " no one just like you " and " I 'm glad you 're my friend . " Mr . Rogers landed on that paradox we know so well from being addicts and addicted people . That thing the Big Book talks about : the egomaniac with an inferiority complex . And this message from Mr . Rogers is the perfect antidote to that complex problem / situation / personality dilemma : we want to be special but we feel like shit . Or we know we are nothing so we try to puff up and be a big big deal . " There is no one just like you , " he says and it 's all there : no need to puff up , you are special but so is everyone else . It 's like the statistical improbability of Lake Woebegone : Where all the children are above average . In a sense we are all above average despite what that does to the averages . This writer on the radio said that he caught himself being a clown to his own kids and buying them things and trying to be a " great dad " when he could simply be " their Dad " He said , in his closing and this shot me through to my core , " I realized I could simply be a glass of water instead of a can of Coke . " I got it immediately . I want to be a can of Coke because I think I have to be . Because even after so many years there is still a part of me that does not get it that I am enough . Or I think of the next recovering woman , " Well , she may be enough , but not me " . A glass of water rather than a can of Coke . I think I need to be shiny Posted by He was there at the end of the diving board . He would tread water for an hour , waiting and watching while I practiced my dives . For years this was our Sunday afternoon ritual and delight . I was four - years old when we began , and on those summer Sunday afternoons I believed that if he was there at the end of the board I could do anything . My father would wait in the deep water , off to one side . He would look around and give me the sign that it was OK to dive and I would stroll to the end of the board , tugging my stretchy lavender swimsuit , and bounce before I dove in . I would rise to the surface sputtering , and look for his face . He would hesitate a moment to let me right myself , and I would cough and beam . He would grab the back of my suit and give me a push toward the side . " Swim to the ladder , " he would say , and he would stay at the end of the diving board waiting for my next dive . I remember the feeling as I paddled to the ladder . The world was perfect : I was diving in the deep end of the pool ; there was no pain in the world . There was no need or want in my life . I was a perfect , grinning , sunburned , water - logged four - year - old , in love with the world , herself and her daddy . He died when I was 18 . In the intervening years life happened to me and to my father . By the time I was 13 , he was traveling a lot , and when we did spend the occasional weekend together we did not speak of personal things . As a teen - ager I felt awkward with my father so I would interview him about his job . He would tell me stories about work , grateful to have something comfortable to talk about . I know a lot about industrial engineering . It filled our time . On a July evening , when he was 56 years old , my father had a stroke and died . It 's been years and I still wrestle with those two men - - the daddy who waited in the deep water and the father who left suddenly , without a word , when I was 18 . Somewhere inside of me there is a four - year - old still wearing her lavender bathing suit . She is at the end of the diving board , leaning forward trying tPosted by This is about Step Eleven . I 've read and prayed and done a lot to define a personal Higher Power that is positive and not punishing . Before , during and well into recovery , I have punished myself too often and too much . So I wanted to find , and define for myself , a Higher Power / God that really loved me . Being raised in a church - going family and having some Christian education as well , the obvious choice would be Jesus as a loving God , right ? I mean , I actually sang that little song for many years in Sunday School and I know all the verses to Jesus Love Me . But even with all that , it never really felt like Jesus loved ME . I mean , the actual , real me . I know he loves all people and I am one of them , but me ? Really me , individually and idiosyncratically me ? I couldn 't get that . One night in a meeting I heard a woman talking about her relationship with Step Eleven and faith , and she said , " God digs me . " I was stunned . That was exactly what I wanted . I wanted it that personal , and that warm , and as un - theological as that : " God digs me . " How to get there ? I began to read . I read Books on faith and recovery , lots of theology , and I read the Bible . The New Testament calls Jesus the Bridegroom . Having been married several times I get that totally . Richard Rohr says that we need an affectionate relationship with God . That begins to hint at having a personal relationship , but that still had a teeny twinge of the evangelical and born - again which I could not abide given the politics that seem to accompany that , as in : " Jesus is my personal Lord and Savior and those who perform abortions should die . " Uh , no . But I still liked the idea of an affectionate relationship with God . After all , we know he has a sense of humor and that 's a big part of affection . It certainly approaches a relationship in which one could say , " God digs me . " But again , how to get there ? I continued to read , and to remember what I knew about Jesus . The dominate metaphor in the New Testament is Jesus as the Good Shepherd . Again , that 's a veryPosted by I am reading the New Testament . I had read - or been told - these stories for years , but now I want to know more . So I am also reading theology and criticism and history : Who was Jesus and who were these guys ? The ones he hung around with and the ones who wrote about it later . Yeah , different guys . That 's the first eye opener - - even after years of Protestant Sunday School , Vacation Bible School , and years of church shopping in AA as part of working an 11th step . The Gospel writers are not the apostles . Maybe that 's a duh for you , but I swear no one told me that important fact in many years of my Methodist upbringing . So that 's part of the learning and the fun in this reading I 'm doing . This week I 'm reading about Paul . Now Paul is a good story for recovering alcoholics . First he 's Saul , a Christian - murdering , self - righteous prick , and then Wham ! , on the road to Damascus he is struck . He sees God and hears God , is temporarily blinded and he is then a changed man who goes on to the be the first major missionary . He gives up his good life : his status and safety and possessions . You can easily find recovery metaphors in Paul 's story of being struck , a spiritual awakening and surrendering and having a new life . We get that . Now , a lot of that I knew . The " Used to be Saul , But now I 'm Paul " story is interesting when you are a kid . But I didn 't know more about the man or what he thought about the things that happened to him . Now I 'm reading Richard Rohr ( a theologian and a priest who writes about addiction … check out his tapes called How To Breath Under Water which are about the gospels and addiction ) and Rohr points out that God comes to Paul where he was and as he was . God saved a murdering prick like Saul , and God didn 't make Paul come to him . Translation ( and this should sound familiar ) : we don 't have to get good enough for God , and he doesn 't need us to come to him . That 's the grace part : he takes us where and as we are . We don 't merit it or earn it , just receive it . Amazing grace , Posted by Oh , Humility ! The things that come back to haunt us in recovery . Here is one that gets every woman in recovery at some point , but this week still surprises me . I had a big crush on a man and enjoyed a couple weeks of fantasized romance and yes , lusty , sexy feelings . This week as the crush and feelings of infatuation have slowly faded I can put some of this in a context of before and after recovery and particularly what belongs to " out of the woods " and later stage recovery . It began like this : a friend , colleague and I had lunch . It was a spring day and I felt good and the conversation became flirtatious . Maybe I was needy that day ? Maybe my heart was open ? Maybe it was a spring awakening with some dormant physiological need to mate being rejuvenated ? Whatever the trigger I went home infatuated and began imagining myself as the beloved . Now , to be honest look at those words , my fantasy was about me being the one desired , Ok , but never the less it was full endorphin loading . I am married so one of the pluses was a good jolt to our married love life . No apologies there . But soon it moved on to distracting day dreams , fantasies and a need for more . Ah , there 's the addicts mantra : More . Here 's the good . In addition to all those " I feel pretty " days that followed I had a genuine boost to my libido and a realization that what I had assumed was hormonally dead was simply not . I 'm over 50 so waning sexuality has been , I thought , a combo of being married long and physiology . I had lamented with friends my age that I feared becoming one of those women who write to Dear Abby to say how they wish their husbands would give up sex and just cuddle . I feared I was reluctantly becoming one of them . But no , this crush and libidinal boost showed me that my body works just fine and in fact - maybe the books are right - works even better in mid - life . Assisted by this infatuation , a healthy imagination and some triple - A batteries I was having more orgasms per day than I thought imaginable . No , the object of the crush was notPosted by I grew up in a Protestant family . My brothers and I went to Sunday school , got confirmed , and later married in the same Methodist Church on Pittsburgh 's Northside . Overall , it was a good experience . But I always envied Catholic girls , especially in May . Our working class neighborhood was a mixture of Protestant and Catholic families . Kids were divided by schools : Spring Hill Public or Saint Ambrose Catholic . But it was a close neighborhood and we all played together after school . We were in and out of each others houses often , and one mother could stand in for another when it came to discipline or first aid . The differences were few but the Catholic girls seemed to have something special . It was in second grade that my feelings of envy emerged . My Catholic friends were having their First Holy Communion . My friends got to wear poofy white dresses and headbands with flowers and little veils . They were given medals with pictures of saints , rosaries and most intriguing , scapulars . A scapular is two small patches of cloth with holy pictures on them , connected by a loop of string . My girl friends told me that it protected them from evil and all manner of bad things , and it was a sin , they told me , to take it off . The idea of a passionate commitment to something , even a string with holy pictures , was very appealing . Catholicism offered my friends other comforts . As a kid I would have liked a patron saint or a guardian angel , but the Methodist church didn 't offer any of those . Instead we were counseled , in an ecumenically respectful way , that all that stuff was Catholic and kind of magical . Now , this was at the same age that I was fascinated with writing in code , creating invisible ink , becoming a blood sister , playing with the Ouija board and making up secret societies . I was made myth and magic out of anything I could get my hands and mind around . The best thing , though , that Catholic girls got was Mary . She was presented as motherhood and sweetness , but Catholic girls got a very clear message that there was a woman in Posted by It seems that I come around to this question again and again : What is my true work ? What is God 's Will for me in my work life ? Does God care about how I earn a living ? Can a regular person - like me - have a " ministry " ? I 'm a writer and a teacher and a speaker . I have skills with language and persuasion . So is it ego to want to be these things publicly ? To want to be recognized ? In writer - land that means published . In speaking land that means invited and hired and , yes , paid . I know I 'm not alone in asking these questions in recovery . So what work should we do ? And how do we know if it is God 's will ? Today sorting through files I found these three people wiser than me on this topic : In 2005 I attended the International AA Convention in Toronto . One night , at one of the big stadium meetings . I heard one of the really old timers speak about his recovery and his work . He was a retired commissioner for corrections in a Southern state . He was sober 47 years . He described how he went from being a double - felony - manslaughter inmate to the state commissioner for corrections . He killed two people , went to jail , got sober in prison . Step by step he listened for God 's will and took each step toward doing recovery work in prisons . He had many hurdles to overcome . AS he described each hurdle , some seemed impossible at the time , He said : " If God has work for you to do the walls will come down . " In 2006 I went to see a film on Choreographer , Bob Fosse . ( If you have seen Chorus Line or Chicago or the movie Chicago you have seen his work ) When he was interviewed about his work and his distinctive style and choreography he said he had always had bad posture and so he created his dances with his now signature curved shoulders . He also said that he had " bad legs " ( for a dancer ) - - and so rather than use turn - out like in ballet he turned his dancers legs in . And that he started to go bald at 25 and so always wore hats to dance hence his incredible use of hats as props in all of his major works . . . He said : " All of my gifts hPosted by After years in recovery - teamed with years in therapy - - you can begin to believe that you have a handle on yourself . That you know some stuff and that you are onto your own tricks . Part of this is about transferring addictions but if you 've been around awhile that 's no surprise . I quit smoking , then drinking , then starving , getting weighed , diet pills , exercise bulimia , obsessing over wearing a certain size or the number of the scale . After most of that felt calm I saw the men stuff , the relationship issues were there all along of course , but then not dating or actually learning TO date : go out with a nice somewhat boring man , participate in a fun social activity together , share only the smallest amount of personal information , come home , say thank you at the door and do the same with a different person the next week . Dating . Who knew ? OK , so there was that to work on : more therapy and alanon and ACOA . Then of course noticing the money and the shopping and not earning enough money and not saving any money . . . addiction by any other name is addiction . But here is the latest peek at myself . I 've been looking at handbags - an old love and a fashion object . About two weeks ago in the Sundance catalog I saw a tote bag that was described as being made from old Indian Sari 's . . . the photos showed theree of this bag , different colors and prints , it had a long leather strap that looked like it could go across the body . Hmmm . Only $ 98 . Of course that 's over $ 100 with tax and delivery but still I had paid much more and there was something about the soft fabric and the old saris , I mean it would have some other - older Indian - woman 's karma right ? And for spring / summer . . . this soft bag across my body with kahiskirts and jeans and sandals . A nice look . So I order the bag . . . takes seven days . I say " expect it in ten " … I 'm already trying to manage my own desire . I wait the week and three days . I pass up other purses when I shop , " Nope , the old sari quilted bag , slouched just so across my body , the worn leather , - - iPosted by March 4th is a special day to millions of people in 12 step programs . It is the birthday of Lois Wilson who might , with great affection , be called the most famous co - dependent . She was the wife of Bill Wilson , co - founder of Alcoholics Anonymous . Their story is chronicled in AA history books . It was Ebby T . , son of a prominent Albany family , who first " carried the message " to a very deteriorated Bill Wilson . The message Ebby brought to Bill and Lois was that he had gotten sober through the help of the Oxford Group , an evangelical Christian movement . The six steps of reformation in the Oxford Group were the forerunner of today 's 12 steps . At Ebby 's urging Lois and Bill began to attend Oxford Group meetings and a few months later , on a trip to Akron , Bill reached out to members there and met Dr . Bob Smith . From the date of their meeting - - one drinker helping another - - we date the birth of Alcoholics Anonymous . Those early meetings were held in private homes . Wives accompanied their husbands and took charge of the refreshments . While the men coached each other through confession and repentance in the parlor , the wives sat in the kitchen , confessing their own frustrations as they discovered the common impact that alcohol had on their families . To her dismay , Lois later wrote , Bill 's sobriety didn 't bring the happiness she expected . While he was drinking , Lois had played a central if troubled role in Bill 's life . Now , as he recovered she felt less important . This resentment over Bill finally achieving sobriety without her help troubled Lois . She and other wives , who had lived on the edge emotionally and financially , realized that the 12 steps " could also work for the wives " . Every organization has history and myth . History tells us that the very first meetings in which the wives of alcoholics began to study the 12 steps began in San Francisco , but the myth , always more powerful , says that Lois Wilson began the program in New York . The truth is somewhere in the middle . All over the country , as AA grew , it Posted by I have been reading Thomas Merton and read a passage where he says the humble accept their humanity . I talked with my therapist about this . I am a seeker and a searcher and a mighty self - improver . In that way that our strengths are our weaknesses , it has been my self - improving urgency that brought me to The Course in Miracles and from there to 12 step programs , OA and then Al - Anon and then AA . Once on the 12 step path I gobbled , perhaps binged on books , tapes , ideas , classes , workshops , retreats , teachers therapists … seeking always , wanting a better me . I had those experiences of seeing some stubborn , painful part of me finally let go gave me more hope that even more could change . But then I began to sense that even this seeking to improve is also self seeking . And we know what AA says about that . Can I stop even the self - improving kind of self - seeking ? At what point does self - improvement become a way of telling God who and how I should be ? In what ways is constant self - improvement a way of not accepting myself and not trusting God ? Then I read Merton . The humble are not arrogant or proud , they accept their humanity . So my fear and my anxiety and my wanting to be loved and wanting recognition are all parts of humanity , all things humans desire and want and experience . So can I accept these parts of me without trying to remove , edit , adjust or eliminate them ? Can I coexist with my own humanity ? When we practice the 6th and 7th steps we often begin by telling God what defects we want removed . But if we read the step carefully is says that we ask God to remove the defects that are in the way of our relationship with Him , which means he knows best . Does God want us or me to NOT be human ? Can I coexist with my humanity ? And when I cannot is it a form of pride or arrogance or spiritual arrogance : I know what needs to be fixed ; I know how to make the best possible me . I see the lack of humility there . I see that lack of faith and trust . How many sinners does it take to make one saint ? Is Dorothy Day one ? Should she be ? Does it matter ? Having recently come to know about her through reading Rosalie Riegle 's book of interviews , I was thrilled to have history and theology come together in this very human , human being . Perhaps it says too much about my inner workings , but I am always pleased to find out that very good people have some not so good characteristics . I guess it makes me feel like I have a chance and in fact , the not - so - goodness of good people encourages me more than the , well , sanctified , goodness of so - called saints . Perhaps that 's why I hope she doesn 't get canonized , and why I 've always thought it a mistake to throw Mother Teresa in the Saint bin . Rather than help the more - bad - than - good rest of us , it discourages . I mean , if she 's a saint then she had more good to begin with and maybe more celestial pull along the way . But if she was just a vain , cranky , complex , idealistic , but falling - from - ideal - daily , kind of gal , then I can struggle forward inspired by what another well - intentioned but poorly performing woman might accomplish . Related to this question of how good do you have to be to be good , is the question about Dorothy Day that I saw emerge in the last few chapters of Riegle 's book , and that I gathered from the other readings that I gobbled up this week : The Long Loneliness and Loaves and Fishes . That is : How do you integrate the person with their work ? This question is on two levels : First , how do we , as readers of stories about Dorothy Day or other spiritual leaders , balance what they did versus who they were . And , second , maybe from that , how do we , in our own lives , balance doing good work with being flawed people . I find I am living this question daily as I work in human services , aspire to Christian ideals and love clothes , shoes , books , music and art . Can a committed Christian wear an Hermes scarf knowing how many people it would feed ? Yes , you can be sure I was underlining every mention of the feminine in DoPosted by I 'm working with a sponsee on Steps two and Three and reading what I ask her to read . I find myself also seeking out other spiritual materials and having one of those times when everything converges . I hear sometimes people mention the spiritual PART of the program . I have certainly approached recovery in parts : physical : not drinking , not binge eating etc . Then the Emotional or psychological : therapy , self - help , self - examination , working , as we say , on my ISSUES . And then , the spiritual : prayer and meditation , church shopping , classes in yoga and meditation , attending talks and lectures and various worship services . Even work with a spiritual director , which turned out to be some of the best therapy I have ever done . But this week I have come full circle again . Volver , as it were . And in the Big Book on Page 29 I read this : Each individual , in the personal stories , describes in his own language and from his own point of view , the way he established his relationship with God . The Big Book and the program of recovery are not about how we stop drinking . It is about how we can establish a relationship with God . From there God may heal our addictions . At last it is January . This is the time that introverts get to breathe a sigh of relief . We can come out of hiding ; it 's safe to answer the phone and to stop pretending we feel the flu coming on . Hip Hip Hooray ! The holidays are over . Yes , from mid - December through New Year 's Day , those of us with an introverted nature live in a state of perpetual dread . The weeks of office parties , neighborhood potlucks and open houses drain all our energy . But this week we can relax ; we made it through . I speak from experience . My name is Diane and I am an introvert . It does surprise people because I 'm outgoing and friendly and , in fact , very far from shy , but I prefer one person and one conversation at a time . I fought this part of myself for years , always trying to be someone else . I made myself go to parties ; I tried to fix what I thought was " wrong " with me . It didn 't help that other people would press , " But you 're so good with people " as if being introverted meant living on the dark side . But , finally , I got it . This is one of the blessings of being over 50 . Along with the wrinkles comes a , " What you see is what you get " self - acceptance . It is a great relief to stop trying to be who you 're not . But it 's no wonder that we introverts get defensive . Seventy - five percent of the population is extraverted ; we 're outnumbered three - to - one , and the American culture tends to reward extraversion , while being disdainful and suspicious of reflection and solitude . I 've learned to spot us though . We 're the folks walking toward a festive house at the holidays saying , " How long do we have to stay ? " Or we 're the ones in the center of the room assessing other people and slowly backing toward the door . Introverts crave meaning , so party chitchat feels like sandpaper to our psyche . Just so it 's clear : Here 's what introverts are NOT : We 're not afraid and we 're not shy . Introversion has little to do with fear or reticence . We 're just focused , and we prefer one - on - one because we like to listen and we wantPosted by
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September 16 , 2016September 16 , 2016 · Leave a comment · So I got up at the maniac 's hours to write my abstract on Radical Will . I was super excited , it had been quite awhile since I had done anything but blog . I really missed school . I couldn 't wait to return . Hopefully by the Summer semester . I prayed for three classes . I went to the store with Julia Bleu in tow . We got the coffee and we came back home . I took my Adderall right away . wanted the good golden elixir working through me . I spent a little time the day before outlining the specifics I wanted to cover . I didn 't give much thought to page range , I knew it was only a detailed abstract . I thought to myself I would share this with Pam but would only let her borrow a copy with signing a confidentiality statement . This whole idea , my medical care , was all my own very idea . I had no input from nobody else , I probably could have use some if I had thought about it . I began to write the abstract . It felt so good to be writing and producing work . The next four hours flew by . I was just about through when Stephanie surprised me . It was still 3 hours early for her to be getting up . She woke up because she knew I was writing my Radical Will abstract . She was pretty excited too . I kept on writing and did talk to her as Julia Bleu sought Stephanie 's affections . It was overwhelming for Stephanie . She asked me how I felt and how was the scale today ? Oh my I had forgotten about the scale I was just about finished so I would wait to weigh myself for a few more minutes . However , now it was gnawing at my brain . Finally my abstract was finished , and Stephanie could proof read it for me . I went into the bathroom and took off my clothes , I had had a pretty good day yesterday . I wasn 't sure what to expect , I wanted the best but knew it probably wouldn 't be the case . Sure as hell the scale was now down five pounds . I panicked I didn 't know what to do . I knew that Pam would weigh me again today . I threw on my clothes and I came out to see Stephanie . She was smiling from ear to ear . She told me my abstract was written like it was taken out of a medical journal . She handed me the corrections , and I didn 't say anything . I really was lost for words . She finally asked me about the scale . I stopped what I was doing and turned to face her . I looked directly in the eyes as I began to cry , I said , " It 's down over five pounds and Pam is going to weigh me today . I then asked Stephanie if she would make me my smoothie now . Sure she said surprised but went off to make it . I was going to have to really dig deep today . I finished my edits and printed it again . I re - read it and made some more corrections . I fixed those too and printed out one last copy . I read through it slowly and aloud . I printed off two more copies and then found a confidentiality form for Pam to fill out . I even stipulated it had to be kept separate from my own folder . This was my intellectual property . In fact I would give copies to all my provides and have them sign confidentiality agreements . I thought it articulated my position and my stance on Radical Will . I really started building steam for this approach . Not because it was mine , but because I thought it had a really great chance of working for me . Stephanie came back with my big smoothie . I was very grateful and gave her the last version of the abstract to read . She thought this was my best I ever explained the entire concept , and my rationale for using it in the first place . I asked if she would make me some pancakes and veggie sausages for breakfast . I was going to drink at least two bottles of soda on the way . Anything to get away from the five pound mark . Stephanie of course said she would be happy to make me breakfast . She said she was also excited now that I had a true working abstract . I got up and went to turn on the shower . The last thing I wanted was to jump in , but I knew I needed to take one . I was in and out in no time . I was dressed and still had soaking hair , my breakfast was ready so I did like I like to do and threw on a ski cap to cover my head . We sat down to breakfast and I said a small Grace . I ate as much as I could eat , and worked on my smoothie at that the same time . I had horrible stomach pains that were only going to get worse . I could have cried but knew it would do nothing except stress me more out . I was stuffed , my smoothie was less than have drunk , I had eaten 3 / 4 of a pancake and a veggie sausage . I had a ways to go and my appointment was at 11 am with Pam . Stephanie asked how I was doing . She usually only asked if I didn 't look well . I said , " I am stuffed , my stomach is a land mine field , and I HAVE to eat and drink as much as possible . I can 't get admitted by my primary care today for the weight loss . I googled pro - anna sites for information on quick weight gains . I honestly don 't go on them anymore I know all the tricks at losing weight , it is the gaining part I don 't know . I remembered that people salted even their fruit at Walden because the sodium made them retain water . I got the salt and salted my shake , and my breakfast . Stephanie laughed nervously at me . " Another Walden Trick ? " " Yep I said , " Desperate times desperate measures . " I was feeling so crappy and was scared about the hospital in a deep inexplicable way . I felt rather doomed . I finished my pancake , and sucked down to about have of my smoothie . I asked Stephanie how she was doing ? I invited her to come in for my entire appointment with Pam . " Really ? " she said . " Yes , you are the person I am closest to and I think you might learn , plus then we can talk about the appointment instead of me telling you about the appointment . Stephanie came over to me and put her hands on my shoulders . " I feel so lucky Corey that we are the friends we are . You don 't have any idea do you ? " " I feel the same way probably 100 times more . I would seriously be dead if it wasn 't for your love and care . " We stayed like that for a minute but my stomach was killing me , I had to finish my shake and I had to drink soda . I felt like I could actually throw up . I was so bloated and uncomfortable . I needed to get ready as we needed to leave in a half an hour . I brought the smoothie with me and dropped my plate and things into the sink . Stephanie went upstairs to get ready and I finished getting ready in the bathroom on the first floor . I was leaving the ski cap on for the day so my hair was not an issue . I finished getting ready and was really starting to crawl out of my skin . I was not okay . I found my smoothie and choked down some more . I was basically ready to go and almost forgot my abstract . I put three copies in a folder , and threw in my smoothie recipe and my weekly eating log . Stephanie came down the stairs and wow she looked fabulous . I never looked at her that way but she was It Girl today ! I started the car , as I loved the remote car starter , nothing like getting into a warm car . Stephanie threw on her gear and asked if she could carry anything . I asked her to grab the folder . I had my knapsack and my smoothie . I was dying at the moment from my stomach and death was near or so it fucking felt . Oh how I hated myself and the body I blew to tiny bits and pieces . We headed out to the car , I asked Stephanie to grab 4 heating pads . We got in the car , it was warm and we always leave the seat warmers on . I got situated with the heating pads in my underwear , and Stephanie drove us to Pam 's office . I was so nervous . Not about Pam really , but my primary care doctor . I choked more of the shake down and I opened a diet sprite . My pants and stomach were going to implode . I honestly couldn 't get a full breath because of my stomach was so filled . I hope I would actually be able to really puke some of this later . I couldn 't stand myself . We got to Pam 's office and Stephanie dropped me at the front door . I waited for her to park and actually drank the last bit of my smoothie . I was so ill I hoped I made it through the session . Stephanie came in and we headed to Pam 's suite together . We sat in the waiting room and honestly I was about to bust and needed the bathroom . I felt so bloated I couldn 't get a deep breath . Pam came out and greeted us . I explained to her that I had invited Stephanie to come in for the session if it was alright with her . Pam was more than happy to have Stephanie join us . We went into the office and before I sat Pam handed me a johnnie and had me get ready to be weighed . Okay here we go I thought . This could be heaven or hell . I got into the bathroom and my belly was super descended and killing me . I came out and walked over to the scale . I got on it and held my breath . It read , just under a 5 pound loss . All the eating and drinking hadn 't even added a pound . " Okay we are not stable with your weight . " Pam said . I went into the bathroom and now didn 't know if I had to worry about her too . I walked into the office and Pam and Stephanie were mid - sentence . I sat down and tried to ignore my severe pain and my difficulty breathing . Pam asked if I had had the time to work on the abstract . I grabbed the folder and handed a couple to both Pam and Stephanie . Pam asked for a few minutes to read through it . I read it again , and was happy with it really . I could definitely right a research protocol for this abstract . Pam looked at me and smiled . " This is the hard work of a person who is NOT staying sick . " I instantly started crying and it was from a place I never knew existed . I would later come to realize it was a new place within reserved for my painful recovery and my frustration with my recovery . Pam started talking , " Corey I am honestly impressed with this concept and it challenges a lot of what is current in the world of therapeutic alliance in anorexia . I think you make some compelling arguments for particular patients in terms of their recoveries . I think the area you need to develop for this protocol is the weight restoration which is clearly your problem as well . " " Yes Pam I am very frustrated . I have brought my eating history and I brought my smoothie recipe to share with you from Amber , my nutritionist . " I handed Pam the papers and I asked her the question I had been dying to talk to her about : refeeding . " Pam I was hoping we could talk about refeeding and how I think I am stuck in it . When I was at Walden they thought I got stuck in it . Is that possible . I am eating , drinking my prescription Ensures and now I have had a smoothie every day . I have really limited my activity as well . The scale goes down almost everyday a little bit . My mind is not as bad as my weight restoration is , and weighing myself everyday because I need to know how bad or good it is causes great stress and then there is my worry and anxiety about being admitted into the hospital . " " Well Corey , I don 't really use the term refeeding , I think it is like being hyper - metabolized , and I have seen to some degree , not as bad as you , but patients who really struggled with hyper - metabolism and I have read extensively on the topic . I would agree that you are eating some , not enough and we will get to that , but I don 't think your mind is as sick as I thought it would be . . There is a fine line between hospitalization and not hospitalization . You are in the murky zone and I feel and sense your frustration . You can obviously only lose so much before we have to think about an NG tube for feeding . I know your primary care is giving you some leeway but you are continuing to drop . That said I would like to talk about my idea of what an eating plan would look like for you . I don 't want to step on Amber 's toes I will call her myself today . " I didn 't know if this was good or not . I sat up my stomach was still in fire mood and I had to pee and knew I couldn 't . Pam handed out three sheets of paper . " This will be it for us today once we get through this , " I was relieved it didn 't seem like the hospital today was going to happen . Pam explained the sheets . One was recipes for the crockpot that met all my nutritional needs in one meal . The second was a sheet with a list of the different food groups accompanied with weeks . The third was another food history that Pam also wanted me to fill out . " Obviously these sheets are pretty straight forward . I know you are recording your intake for Amber but I would like you to do it for me as well . The sheet we need to discuss is food groups with the numbers and the weeks . You are not even eating at week one level . So that is our goal . I would imagine including your smoothie you will work on reaching week one levels for two weeks . Does that seem acceptable to you ? " " Yes , two weeks to get to eating at week one levels . " I answered . On top of that I have one more sheet you will need to make lots of copies of . It is a food attitude / ED thought sheet that you need to fill out everyday . Pam asked if everything was clear . I said it was . I asked her about the hospital and any advice she could give me . " Corey you are going to recover . If you need the hospital we will do it because the goal is complete recovery . " I would also like you to work on a paper now of Radical Will . I know I am throwing a lot at you but I already know you are ready and willing . That will make the difference Corey ! " Stephanie asked Pam about getting more recipes for nutritional value . Pam was more than happy to indulge Stephanie with recipes . " Okay well I think this was an excellent session . Having Stephanie join you Corey is a big step . I will see you at our standing time next week . " " Thank you Pam we said in unison . " We walked out and I ran for the bathroom . I felt really emotional . We got to the car and I started to cry . Doubts of failing danced all over my soul . September 16 , 2016September 16 , 2016 · Leave a comment · Pam returned from the restroom with an ice cold water in her hand . I couldn 't tell if she knew I had cried . I just it didn 't matter there was probably going to be a lot of crying going on with her with me . Again , she brought up my Radical Will concept and asked me if I had written it all out like I explained to her . I said no , I had bits and pieces , and knew it in my head for sure . She asked me to write an abstract on it for our next meeting . She said she wanted to finish off this session with the house keeping business . She explained she didn 't accept my insurance and that the first visit was $ 250 dollars and the visits after that were an hour at $ 190 per session . She said she knew this created stress and strain for some of her patients . I said I obviously wished it was covered but could and would handle the out of pocket expenses . She asked about the people who loved and cared for me . I explained all about Camie , Bella , Stephanie and my parents . I said I had a lot of friends that I had pulled back from with this sickness . She asked about a significant other and I quickly said Stephanie . We were not romantically involved yet but she was my rock and was on leave from work to get me to my first two weeks of Radical Will appointments . Pam asked if she was here ? I said yes , and she said may I meet this beautiful compassionate person ? I said sure . I hoped Stephanie didn 't feel too put on the spot as Pam got up and headed to the hallway that lead to the waiting room . Next I knew Stephanie is in the room , and I can tell she loves Pam already . Stephanie sits down beside me and Pam complimented her in the most gracious and compassionate way possibly . She told Stephanie she was a very special person and although I probably didn 't get the enormity of it all , at some point I would realize just how amazing Stephanie really was . Pam caught me off guard when she asked if she could give Stephanie a business card . She asked if I was alright if Stephanie wanted to call her ? I said yes , but I would want to know about it before it happened . Of course they both replied . Pam had us all fill out consents to talk , and these calls were to be left out of my records . I was a little surprised Stephanie wanted her card but then I imagined too many times Stephanie was left on her own with me to get me out of a jam . Pam asked about meeting again on Friday and I said fine . She had a an 11 am slot open and would that work . Friday was New Year 's Eve so I didn 't want to be out doing this stuff later . I looked at Stephanie and said , " This will work right ? " " Sure not a problem , " she replied . Okay my first major moment in my recovery had taken place and I knew in my heart I had met a person who truly could help me help myself . I got my gear on and felt really calm . I wasn 't scared of my body at the moment but it was very hungry . We got outside and it was cold . Stephanie said I looked good . Wow , I don 't think she has said that in that way in many months . I got into the car and took some of my medication for my stomach . I didn 't have the liquid on me . I needed a prescription Ensure in me as soon as possible . Stephanie didn 't have time to warm the car up so we were a little chilled like pointy icicles on the front of a house at like 4 am in the bitter cold . We were both sort of quiet . I think Stephanie was really happy to meet Pam , and saw I was changed . Forever , Pam got to me , to my core . She created a safe and healthy place for me to grow , have a set back , fail , and get right back up and do it again . Her interest in what has been a solo adventure with Radical Will really pumped me up and talking about it in its entirety was so good and necessary for me . I remembered what Pan had mentioned , she wanted a formal abstract on Radical Will by our next appointment on Friday . I was excited but nervous to actually formerly put it all together and also sign my name officially to a new ED recovery program I had created with my own knowledge and pain endured from trying it from other ways . I hoped I had it in me to write this succinctly and with clarity and consideration for all that needed to be considered . I would work on it , the outline today , and get up at the maniac 's hour to write it or at least the first pass . I looked over at Stephanie she was deep in thought while driving , Wanted to know what was on her mind but didn 't ask . Wanted to talk with her but I would give her another minute . We were heading to pick up Bella . A real treat . An afternoon visit with dinner . Not too long to cause too much worry but enough for us to connect . I finally spoke to Stephanie . So what are you thinking about , honestly . No fibbing . I am thinking about how I am really excited for New Year 's Eve together and I really liked meeting Pam and being included . " Stephanie I didn 't know you wanted to come . You can come to any of my appointments . Honestly , I would like it to be truthful . " Stephanie looked at me like she had something very important to say to me . " So do you want to tell me about your session with Pam ? You are obviously happy and I think relieved and I would love to hear about it if you are up for sharing . " " She is amazing . When I first saw her I thought she had an eating disorder . On Pam refers to my eating disorder as ED . I have a twisted and sick relationship with ED for starters . She wanted to know everything about me and my concept of Radical Will . She was so interested and wants me to draft an abstract on it for our next appointment . I was the first time I talked about it in its entirety with a professional who was giving me the credit for putting it together . I continued to talk about Pam and how I felt if someone could help me it was her . I said the time flew and Pam weighed me in today and we did not ever talk about it . It was part of her protocol not just my primary care . " " Pam makes me feel safe . " Wow those were huge words coming from a completely scared and fragile person like me . I told Stephanie I was going to work on my abstract outline today and that I would get up early and write the abstract . We were close to picking up Bella . I was excited . Stephanie was really happy and I looked out my window and one happy tear dropped from my eye . I felt so lucky to have found Pam . I felt HOPE for myself for the first time since before I could remember ……
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One major reason why I am really loving about this whole Grand Slam of Ultrarunning training is that I have been having so much fun with my workouts . Here is a lengthy recap of one of my favorite training runs this past year : So . . . I am a huge , huge fan of technical trails . I am a huge , huge fan of running at night . I am a huge , huge fan of climbing workouts . Enter Mount Beacon , which features a fantastic one mile technical trail that involves a 1000 ' climb . It is one of my favorite parks because it is only a little over an hour 's drive away from Manhattan and you can literally park at the bottom of the mountain and go up and down the trail to your heart 's content . I love Mount Beacon so much that this is my second post about this great training ground ; check out my first post here . Back in April , my friend Deanna emailed me , asking if I wanted to do some night time hill repeats at Mount Beacon . Actually , we initially spoke about doing this a couple weeks back and she mentioned how it was a total game changer for her and really helped during the McNaughton 200 miler . Now , when someone of Deanna 's caliber ( for those who do not know Deanna Culbreath , she came in second at Burning River 100 last year ) tells me something is game changing , I listen and obey . So I happily emailed her back and we settled on heading out to Mount Beacon on a Saturday night . Deanna invited a few other ultrarunners , including my friend Peter Priolo , another Grand Slam of Ultrarunning aspirant . I had every intention to get a good night 's sleep on Thursday and Friday , in preparation for Saturday night , but life happened in the form of wine tastings and late night dinnering with good friends . And then , due to a last minute emergency , I had to get up before 6 a . m . to babysit and spent the rest of the day at the Cherry Blossom festival in Brooklyn . By 8 : 30 p . m . , I was yawning as Deanna and I headed up to Mount Beacon . In retrospect , I realize it was good that I was already tired ; it 's not as though I would be doing my night running at Western States at my absolute freshest , you know ? In any case , I wasn 't the only person exhausted - Deanna had spent the entire day working and Peter essentially spent the entire day running . Basically , I had no right to feel tired - while I was out playing , they were actually doing constructive things with their lives . What do you bring on a night trail run ? Trekking pOur game plan was to make six trips up and down the one mile trail and then during our seventh and final trip , we would climb an additional mile for the final ascent to the watch tower on Mount Beacon and watch the sunrise . From the get go , I was slow . Really slow . I felt bad for Deanna and Peter because I just could not keep up with them . This really bothered me because I have been practicing my climbing for the past few months now and thought I was doing pretty well . Within the first ten minutes , I realized that unless I wanted to burn myself out , I needed to climb at my own pace . I kept telling Deanna and Peter to go on ahead , but fortunately besides being amazing athletes , they are also very much " leave no man behind " type of folks and refused to listen to me . I was supremely grateful because as it happens , I am afraid of being in the woods in the dark . The Black Diamond Ultradistance trekking poles were turning out to be pretty useful . I bought them via The Clymb website for less than $ 60 ; they usually range from $ 99 to $ 150 . If you haven 't joined The Clymb yet , I strongly recommend you do so . Their sales on outdoor sports equipment and clothes are fantastic . And if you do join , use my invitation link , pretty please ! Anyway , back to the poles . They are really light ( I barely noticed that I was carrying them ) , very easy to assemble and take apart ( for someone who is all thumbs like myself , that 's a big deal ) , and very sturdy . They were a joy to use - normally , I am quite cautious when I run down rocky and steep terrain , but with the poles , I felt comfortable flying down at my normal downhill speed . I definitely plan on using them at Leadville and Wasatch this fall . Again , I was really slow , but my slowness was highlighted by the fact that Tasha , who is about the size of a Chihuahua , was absolutely schooling me . With seemingly no effort , Tasha , on her teeny tiny dog legs , just bounded straight up Mount Beacon . At one point I asked Zandy how far Tasha could run , and he said he wasn 't sure - there hasn 't been a time where Tasha could not keep up . I thought about my Yorkie and how she could barely walk a quarter mile before begging to be picked up and carried in my purse . I spent most of this loop thinking how my next furry friend MUST be a runner dog . With visions of husky mixes and whippets in my head , I carried on . It was either Loop 4 or Loop 5 , don 't remember , but another friend , Dave Staley showed up some time after 1 a . m . I met Dave at Leatherman 's Loop last week , through Deanna . He lives in the area and thought it would be fun to do a couple of loops with us . He would have ran the entire night , but he had already made plans for Saturday evening and had to get up early the next morning to go rock climbing in New Paltz . I don 't know , but if I went out on Saturday , the last thing in my mind would be to go hiking at 1 a . m . , especially if I knew I had to do something that would involve not only physical exertion , but some presence of mind . I am not a rock climber , but I assume that it isn 't easy to do when you 're running on a few hours of sleep . This is when I decided that Deanna 's friends were pretty bad ass . This belief was further cemented when more people showed up , this time a little after 3 a . m . This was seriously turning out to be a running party . Helen Dole and Alex Tilmant decided to drive from the city at around 2 a . m . to see if they could do a couple of loops and then watch the sun rise . Because , you know , why not ? I think it is so neat that Deanna has friends who would be totally fine with showing up in the middle of the night to essentially go hiking . For our last loop , all of us donned or carried our warmest clothes in preparation for our final ascent that would take us to the watchtower at the top of Mount Beacon . I had already experienced some of the wind at the first lookout point and it wasn 't pleasant ; I figured it would be much worse when we made it to the very top . I debated between wearing my parka or my windbreaker and then decided on the latter , because even though it made me look lumpy , it was warmer . As I zipped up my windbreaker , I felt something heavy in my left pocket . Curious , I put my hand in and then pulled out my glasses . MY STUPID GLASSES THAT I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR NEARLY A MONTH . I was elated , despite having ordered a new pair of replacement glasses just the previous weekend . And then tucked next to the glasses was a ten dollar bill . Ooooh , breakfast money ! I was feeling absolutely pumped . Then again , I was feeling pretty pumped in general . My biggest fear of the night was getting too sleepy and being forced to skip a loop because I had to take a nap . I was fairly certain that it was going to happen because I didn 't sleep the past couple of days and I was forcing myself to lay off the caffeine for the past week . But instead of getting sleepy , I felt even wider awake as the night progressed . Now , this doesn 't mean that I was actually climbing faster ; I was still climbing at my solid , but relatively glacial pace . But I was happy that my legs were feeling cheerful . So during our last climb , I was mentally patting myself on the back for being so alert . That is , until I asked where east was and someone pointed in the direction of where the sky was reddening . Ohhhh , you mean where the sun is rising ? That was definitely a durrrrr moment and made me rethink whether I was truly awake . And then we got to the top . We still had some time to kill , so Zandy ( did I mention he is a professional photographer ? ) took some photos of us while we waited for the sun to rise . Zandy takes some fun photos . And then we journeyed back . Besides Deanna , Peter , and I , the others hadn 't seen Mt . Beacon in daylight before , so it was funny to hear their reactions on climbing back down . Everyone was thoroughly experienced in technical running , so it wasn 't as though they saw anything new , but I don 't think they expected to see so many rocks on our return trip . The next part was a blur . I drove Deanna and me back into Manhattan . I started to get a little sleepy , but Deanna was a trooper and kept me wide awake until we made back into Manhattan . Then I parked my car and fell asleep for a few minutes . And then I stumbled back to the apartment and fell asleep for a few hours . All in all , it was a great and very productive training session . Key notes : ( 1 ) I am not as nervous about running on technical trails in the dark . ( 2 ) I am not as nervous about getting sleepy . ( 3 ) I discovered that I really love trekking poles . Fortunately , it has been because I have been so busy at work , with training , and with life in general , and not because there hasn 't been anything to write about . Actually , that 's not quite true . I have been writing a lot - it 's just that I haven 't posted any of my writing . As some of my friends can attest ( and especially Rob ) , I can get very , very touchy about people seeing my writing . Poor Rob has to deal with my wrath when he even casually glances at my laptop when I type in my journal . What happens is that I write things , read them , and then decide not to hit the post button , because I am embarrassed about what I have written . For example , I spent one half hour rhapsodizing about how much I love my new Altra Intuitions and then after reading it , I realized that everything I wrote has already been said . So I didn 't hit the post button . Even my personal race reports seem silly , because I generally do not write about the actual race or the running , which would be useful and worth reading , but instead write about the people I meet and the random things I think about when I am running . Which I don 't think would be interesting to anyone , but me . So I don 't hit the post button . Anyway , pushing those excuses aside , Grand Slam of Ultrarunning training has been going well and life has been pretty darn good . I have the Western States Training runs coming up this weekend , and I am really looking forward to seeing a good chunk of the course ! I have been training ! Really ! ( 1 ) May 23 , 2013 : Running in the Van Cortlandt Track Club Cross Country Summer Series when it was all monsoon - y and puddle - y and stuff . There was much drama in this race , including having a pint of Guinness slish sloshing in my stomach and needing to pee quite badly . But it all worked out . ( 2 ) May 18 . 2013 : Running with Rob , Jayne , and PJ at the Brooklyn Half Marathon . Not only was it their first half ( and boy , did they kick so much butt ! ) , but it was my very first time running with my big sister . This is a super big deal because growing up , I would say mean things to Jayne every time she tried to get me to run . As someone who grew up being deathly afraid of disappointing my big sister , this demonstrates how much I hated running as a teenager . It was also very , very , very cool watching Rob just throwing back the miles , like it was no big deal . I guarantee Rob will be running his first ultra by the end of 2014 . ( 3 ) May 12 , 2013 : Doing a longish run before eating dim sum with Jurgen , Otto , Lisa , and Tiger Ellen . I don 't understand why this isn 't a thing that I do every week . I like long runs and I like dim sum . ( 4 ) May 11 , 2013 : Doing my first Run Around Manhattan by my lonesome . I thought I was becoming too dependent on people for my long runs , so I decided to run alone . And I was relieved to find out that I am still perfectly good running with just myself and my thoughts . ( 5 ) May 7 , 2013 : Buying Altra 's new version of the Lone Peak at Tents and Trails . Altras , with their super wide toe box and minimalist design , make my feet happy . The fact that they 're bright bright orange doesn 't hurt either . ( 6 ) May 5 , 2013 : Volunteering with the Invasives Strike Force Crew at one of my favorite local places to run , Flat Brook Nature Center . I am so lucky that I have easy access to some fantastic trails . I need to make sure that they stay fantastic by volunteering more of my time in maintaining them ! ( 7 ) May 4 , 2013 : Bear Mountain 50 Miler That Became a 34 Miler . I suppose I should mark this under , " Things That Were Not Awesome , " but I had a reallllly great time up until I got pulled off the course for not thinking that North Face takes their cutoffs seriously . My bad . Anyway , I have decided that this day was awesome because ( a ) I ran with Marco , who is one of my favorite ultrarunners , ( b ) I got some good mileage in , and ( c ) I finally discovered a fuel source that really might be It . Girls and guys , VFuel is spectacular . My friend Chip recommended this gel and while I am usually a total skeptic when it comes to anything that is labeled a miracle food , I swear , VFuel is the nectar of the running gods . I normally have all sorts of gross stomach issues , but with VFuel , I was totally fine . No , I was more than fine . When I got up to go run the next day , it was like the 34 miles of gnarly trail the day before never happened . ( 8 ) April 27 , 2013 : Watching the sunrise after doing night to dawn hill repeats with some of the most fun ultrarunners around . One of my more extreme ultrarunning buddies , Deanna Culbreath , recommended that I do some night climbing repeats at Mount Beacon . She said it was a total game changer for her , and when someone of Deanna 's caliber tells me something is a game changer , then it is best to just do it . While I have completed plenty of hill repeat workouts on Mount Beacon during the day and I have definitely done my share of night to dawn runs , I have never combined the two . So I found myself climbing Mount Beacon over and over again with Deanna , Pete Priolo ( another Grand Slam aspirant ) , and a bunch of other ultrarunning friends from 10 p . m . to 7 a . m . And Deanna was right . It was a total game changer . Hooray for having friends who inspire me to do things : ) ( 10 ) April 17 , 2013 : Participating as a panelist at Ultra Night at Jack Rabbit . If someone told me two years ago that I would be an ultrarunning panelist , I would have assumed that she was making a bad joke . Not sure if any of my advice helped , but I think I did a good job of demonstrating that if someone like me can run an ultramarathon , seriously - anyone can . ( 11 ) April 12 - 14 , 2013 : Heat training in Palm Springs , CA . Rob and I went to Coachella , a lovely music festival that takes place in the California desert . By April , that desert was all kinds of hot , which was good , because I love running in the heat . So that I don 't lose my " heat running muscle , " I try to spend lots of time in the sauna . However , jumping up and down in a sauna is not nearly as good as running in the Real Thing , so I was happy to see that my body was still fine with gallumping along in 90 + degree weather . ( 12 ) April 6 , 2013 : Running Umstead 100 . This race was cool for many reasons . ( a ) This was my sorority little sister 's Caitlin Weaver 's first 100 attempt . ( b ) This was also my friend Hideki Kinoshita 's first Umstead finish . ( c ) This was my friend Otto 's first back to back 100 ( he ran NJ100 the weekend before ) . ( d ) This was also the first time since JFK50 2011 ( or was it 2012 ? ) that I got to run with my friend Robin Mancinelli . ( e ) Oh , and I ran a nearly 30 minute PR : ) Miles 1 - 50 : Felt easy peasy for the first 11 hours , mostly because I was running with Robin Mancinelli and the famous Ray Krolewicz . It 's amazing how easy ultrarunning can be if you have friends to share the trail with . Miles 50 to 62 . 5 : Felt like I was flying and according to my Garmin , I was running pretty much the same pace as I was running the first 25 miles . Miles 62 . 5 to 100 : Intestinal issues and nausea happened . Thank god for my pacers , Susan Hogarth , Scott Peters , and the Other - Woman - Whose - Name - I - Forgot - But - I - Gave - You - My - Email - Address - But - You - Never - Contacted - Me - And - I - Still - Feel - Terrible - Because - I - Didn 't - Thank - You - Enough . They were all so incredibly nice and helpful during my messy finish . Especially Susan , who had to deal with my super slow physical and mental state . Things that were not awesome since my last post ( starting with the most recent ) : Scenes from the Zombie Apocalypse Training Course . From top left , going clockwise : ( 1 ) Doing tandem jumps with Cheryl and Yuki ; ( 2 ) Marveling at how much fit in that teeny tiny tin ; ( 3 ) Proudly displaying our marksmanship . Things that were awesome since my last post : This has nothing to do with running or Grand Slam training , but really , I highly recommend it . A few months ago , my friend , Cheryl wanted to surprise her boyfriend with a day - long Zombie Apocalypse Training course and she asked if Rob and I would be interested in taking the class with them . Since it involved zombies , we readily agreed . So , a couple of weekends ago , on a bright and crisp Saturday morning , Rob and I found ourselves driving down to south Jersey to the secret location of the class . While the basic premise of the course is silly , the skills were anything but . Granted , there was no way they could teach everything in one day , but we get did a good overview of what we should know in case zombies started taking over the Earth . The instructors covered first aid skills , hand to hand combat basics , collecting emergency supplies , handling and the use of a variety of weapons , including the crossbow and the handgun , shotgun , and rifle . Much to my dismay , I learned that in order for me to use my dominant eye , I had to shoot left - handed . Oh , and we learned the basics of knife throwing . While the instructor admitted that knife throwing isn 't really an efficient way to kill zombies ( especially if they come en masse ) , killing one or two zombies with a well - thrown knife could make you look cool in front of your fellow apocalypse survivors . I learned that I am especially bad at throwing knives - despite standing only a few feet away from the target , I could not manage to make the knife stick even once . Ulp . At the end of the day , the instructors set up an obstacle course involving our recently learned skills and had us compete against one another . We beat up zombies with sticks , sutured a pig 's foot , threw knives , and fired at various targets . The team with the fastest time would receive a special prize , but alas , our team did not win . We came in a relatively close second , though ! Okay , even though I would be the first one to admit that the Zombie Apocalypse is not coming any time soon , the course made me realize that there are plenty of other emergency - type events that might occur , and so it doesn 't hurt to prepare . There is no way that I will become a Doomsday Prepper and I won 't invest in firearms or a crossbow , but I will make sure to have extra water and basic supplies for my house . I definitely do not want to be part of the crazy mob scene that is the supermarket before any major snowstorm or hurricane . I could spend that time running , you know ? I love volunteering at ultraraces . First row , from left to right : ( 1 ) Stephen England and Tiffany , all bundled up before heading out for the night shift at the far aid station ; ( 2 ) Elaine Acosta is still feeling good at mile 60 ; ( 3 ) Emmy Stocker and Mat Gerowitz , 50K Finishers ; ( 4 ) Otto Lam takes a mini break at mile 70 . Second row from left to right : ( 1 ) Joe Del Conte hangs out with me at the main aid station ; ( 2 ) Yoshiko Jo looks incredibly strong at mile 70 ; ( 3 ) Tatsunori Suzuki takes some food to eat during his next lap ; ( 4 ) Louis Lam shows off her famous pork dumplings . Right after Zombie Apocalypse Training camp , I drove up to Augusta , New Jersey to go volunteer at the main aid station at the New Jersey Ultra Festival . NJ Ultrafest takes place on the New Jersey State Fairgrounds - it features a ten mile loop and so depending on how the runner is feeling that day , he or she can run anything from a 50K to 100 miles . I love the night shift , because you see people at their best and worst , sometimes both . By the time I arrived , the participants who were still on the course had been running for more than twelve hours . After talking briefly to Rick and Jennifer McNulty , the race directors , as well as some other runners who had already completed the 50K and 50milers , I learned that conditions this year were challenging . A combination of muddy trails and cold temperatures were slowing down times considerably and there were quite a few 100 mile entrants who dropped down to a 50 mile or a 100K . I didn 't blame them . I can handle mud . I can even handle cold . But the two ? For nearly 24 hours ? Argh . Fortunately , even though there were some people who dropped , there were still plenty of other runners on the course , giving me things to do . Since I was working in the kitchen , my main goal was to feed the runners as they went by . During my shift , I made or warmed up cheese burgers , cheese quesadillas , grilled cheese sandwiches , penne pasta , and pizzas . I doled out cups and cups of chicken noodle soup and vegetable broth . Oh , and I poured lots of coffee . People were tired and needed their caffeine . The work wasn 't difficult , so I still had plenty of time to catch up with my running friends and made new ones . I was already exhausted from waking up at 5 a . m . to attend the Zombie camp , so my memories of that night are scattered . Memories of note : - The cold . Oh my gosh , it was cold . I wore jeans , thermal top , tshirt , fleece , and windbreaker . And I was still freezing . I did not fathom how the runners were managing outside . - Speaking of the cold , the New Zealand man who was running in only a tshirt and shorts . According to Yoshiko , he upgraded to wearing gloves when it got colder . I wish I had his fortitude . - Eating steamed pork buns . My friend Louisa arrived in the middle of my shift , bearing a large container of steamed pork buns . She had originally brought them for our friend Becky , but Becky wasn 't there . So I ate one . And it was delicious . - Otto Lam saying that this race was harder than Beast of Burden Winter 100 , which boasts of below freezing temperatures and snow for 24 hours straight . His words ? " At least at Beast of Burden , you can run on top of snow . Here , you can 't run on top of mud . But now that the weather is getting even colder , at least the mud is freezing solid . " Despite his words , I wasn 't too worried about Otto . I knew he would finish . - Yoshiko Jo making the race look easy . When I first saw her , she was in third place for women overall , but she looked so fresh at mile 70 , I knew she would end up placing first . And , of course , she did : ) . - Tatsunori Suzuki , looking strong . He told me that he was moving to Japan soon , so that this was probably going to be the last time I saw him in the States . Awww : ( . I only worked from 7 p . m . to midnight , but I wanted to see my some of my friends one more time , so I ended up staying past 1 a . m . As I walked back to my car , I saw the New Zealand man , still running in his shirt and shorts . I wonder if he finished . Maybe it is my imagination , but my neuroma does not feel nearly as bad as before . I visited a different podiatrist last week ; the good news is that my neuroma , untreated , will not do any damage to my feet . The pain might get worse , but as long as I keep running the way I normally do , there should be no structural damage except the already existing nerve inflammation . The bad news : If I want to get rid of it completely , I probably will need surgery . However , at this point , surgery isn 't an option - the surgery itself is very simple , but the post - op requires six weeks of no running . Which obviously I do not have time for as Western States is in less than thirteen weeks . ( 1 ) Wearing boring shoes during my day to day activities . No more four inch heels unless they are absolutely necessary . ( 1 ) Massaging my feet before my runs , especially the area between the third and fourth metatarsals . Despite my neuroma issues , it 's been going well . I have been doing plenty of climbing on the stairmill and super incline treadmill and have been logging lovely miles outside on the weekends . Umstead 100 is this Saturday , so I have been doing a wee bit of tapering . Last week , I only ran thirty miles and finished two climbing workouts . At this point , my legs are starting to resemble tree trunks , but as long as they are strong tree trunks , I am pretty stoked . ( 1 ) Attending the ChiRunning workshop through Tri - Mania NYC and RunKino . ChiRunning is by no means a magic bullet , but I am a huge fan . If you are interested in learning about my ChiRunning experience , scroll to the bottom of this post . ( 2 ) Running in the Palisades with friends . 3 . 9 . 2013 : Running in the Palisades . The photo is blurry because the lens had my sweat on it . From left to right , Alex , Garth , Lesley , and Scott . Although our initial plans were to run part of the Bear Mountain 50 mile course at Harriman State Park , Mother Nature decided to dump 15 inches of snow on the trails . Since most of us wanted to spend our morning running and not fwomping around in the snow , we figured the Palisades would be a better bet . And it was ! There was still snow , which made things interesting and pretty , but it wasn 't so bad that we couldn 't get a decent run in . We started at the Palisades Interstate Park police station and ran the Long Path , the Shore Trail , as well as the trails that connected the two . As I ran , I ate spam and drank Gatorade and it was glorious . At some point , my neuroma began acting up , but since my feet were numb because of the snow , I barely felt it . ( 3 ) Discovering that funny looking treadmill that no one uses in my gym is a super incline treadmill . Guess who has been doing climbs at > 20 % inclines the past week ? That being said , I am feeling a bit sheepish about the fact that I did not check out the treadmill until now , especially since I had an entire conversation with Garth about them a few weeks ago . Oh well . I still have 102 days left until Western States ! Plenty of opportunities to climb ! ( 4 ) Running in the snow in Central Park . I despise and fear the cold , but I love running in the snow . A two or three minute walk outside when it is below 50 degrees Fahrenheit turns me into a sad puddle , but I am totally cool with running in below freezing weather . This is completely silly , I know . : ( ( 1 ) The second cortisone shot for the Morton 's Neuroma on my right foot is not working as well as I would like . I received my second shot last Wednesday and things seemed great for a couple of days , but when I went out for a longish run in Central Park , I experienced flares of excruciating pain after an hour or so . Each time it happened , I stopped and stretched my foot a bit and was able to run a few more miles before the neuroma flared up again . While I think I can do this for at least fifty miles , I am not sure if this method will work for 100 . Guess we 'll see what happens at Umstead 100 in a few weeks . As for now , I am going to keep on eating the serrapeptase , going to physical therapy , and wearing boring shoes ( supportive flats ) . I still have one more cortisone shot left , but at this point , I am not expecting much . I think I am going to move on to alcohol shot treatment next . ( 2 ) I seem to be developing a Morton 's Neuroma in my left foot . As long as I am in sneakers or high heels , my foot feels completely normal . But as soon as I go barefoot , I experience the familiar MN symptoms . I still have not decided what I am going to do about this . My ChiRunning Ramble : A couple of years ago , I purchased the book , ChiRunning : A Revolutionary Approach to Effortless , Injury - Free Running . I read the first few chapters and found the ideas interesting enough that I attempted to put them into practice , but I never felt that I fully grasped the material . Since I never experienced common running - related injuries , such as knee issues and shin splints , I was fine with this . However , ever since my Morton 's Neuroma reared its ugly head a few months back , I have become much more interested in seeking out ways to run as efficiently and painlessly as possible . As luck would have it , a high school and running buddy of mine , Hideki Kinoshita , was giving away one free registration to a ChiRunning workshop through his website and facebook page , RunKino . All I had to do was to explain why I wanted to learn ChiRunning and be fortunate enough for Kino to select my entry . After I won , I also registered my boyfriend for the class . Rob is still relatively new at running and even though he is progressing quickly , he is still experiencing all the hurt that I somehow managed to skip when I began my running journey . Since I still do not know how I managed that , ( And to be perfectly frank , even if I did , I am terrible at teaching people I love how to do things . ) I figured introducing Rob to a real coach would be best . Also , I felt kind of bad taking a free class and wanted to pay for something , somehow . Interestingly enough , I never attended a running workshop until now . In fact , the last time I attended a sport - related class was years ago , when I was on the swim team in college . And I wouldn 't even count that because I was so completely mentally checked out - I went to practices and dutifully completed all the assigned workouts , but I was never instructed on improving my swim technique , nutrition , or . . . pretty much anything . The main reason why I was on the swim team was because I found swimming meditative . One time I was feeling so zen in the water , I did not realize that the pool that I was swimming in lost half its water until I tried doing a flip turn and I hit my head . Oops . In my defense , I was doing back stroke - so it 's not like I could see the bottom of the pool until it was too late . Anyway . Back to ChiRunning . My formal introduction to ChiRunning took place at the Tri - Mania NYC Expo this past Saturday . Our class featured instructor Vincent Vaccaro , a certified ChiRunning and ChiWalking coach . He has a website for his company , Tri Tek , which provides more information on Vincent 's extensive athletic background and his schedule of workshops . Apparently , his training is geared towards triathletes , but ChiRunning is completely relevant to ultrarunners as well . ChiRunning is all about maximizing your form to minimize fatigue . And since triathlons and ultramarathons are both endurance sports that guarantee exhaustion , minimizing fatigue is a good thing . Vincent was a fantastic instructor . He was clearly knowledgeable about his subject and very comfortable with teaching . He had us engaged right away and I felt every minute of the workshop was time well - spent . Vincent also had an assistant , Dave , whose last name I never learned , but he was great , too , especially towards the end when we did our running exercises . The two hours flew , but I picked up a lot more in his workshop than I did by reading the ChiRunning book and articles and watching the Youtube videos . That being said , I plan on rereading the ChiRunning book , because I think I will appreciate it more now that I have seen the techniques in action . Vincent started off his class by introducing the basic tenet of ChiRunning : Posture , posture , posture . Which makes sense - when we are standing straight , our joints are all aligned and our skeleton is supporting our weight . The best thing to do when we run is to make sure we maintain this alignment so that our skeleton continues to do the supporting . Instead , we often make the mistake of slumping over or slightly bending at the waist when we are fatigued , which requires our leg and core muscles to support more body weight than they should . If we focus on keeping good posture , we decrease the amount of work our muscles have to do , making us more efficient . To keep our posture in alignment , we need to An important lesson that I took to heart was that I just don 't move my arms enough when I run . Instead of using my arms to propel my body forward , I keep them relatively stationary . While I knew this on a theoretical level , I did not realize how bad my arm form was until Vincent had us perform a simple exercise where another runner stood behind me and placed her hands where my elbows should hit as I ran in place . As I swung my arms the way I was supposed to , it felt really , really strange . My main issue is that I constantly tense my shoulders , which doesn 't allow me to swing my arms as easily as I should as I run . Even as I type this , I feel the tell - tale twinges in the middle of my back , letting me know that my shoulders are unhappy . I think I am going to start posting signs all over my office and house to remind me to relax . In case you couldn 't already tell , I am already a ChiRunning convert . I can go on and on about all the things that Vincent taught in his introductory class , but if you are interested in learning more about ChiRunning , there are way better articles out there that you can find easily via Google . I would also recommend purchasing the ChiRunning book , but I think the best thing would be to actually attend a workshop in your area . Introductory ChiRunning classes are really not that expensive , especially if you consider the potential savings of hundreds of dollars and time spent at the doctor 's by preventing injury from occurring in the first place . ChiRunning isn 't a magic bullet . I know that I have a ways to go before I even scratch the surface on becoming a more efficient runner , but as I plan on running ultras for a while , I look forward to the process . Thanks so much again Vincent at Tri Tek and RunKino for giving me this great opportunity in starting my ChiRunning journey . Posted by Alrighty , I am back in business and am re - entering Training Beast Mode . As of this weekend , I am officially done with the winter ills and am so ( ! ) excited ( ! ) to go out and just ruuuuun . Saturday My run on Saturday morning was glorious . Besides crashing a couple of times ( I was a bit overeager in hurtling down a hill ) , I felt really in tune in my body and managed to find this wonderful rhythm with my legs and feet that made me feel like I could run forever . Sadly , I had to cut my training short as I had plans to volunteer with a local trail organization doing post - Hurricane Sandy clean up . One of the requirements for Western States 100 , Vermont 100 , and Wasatch 100 is to volunteer at least eight hours either at an ultramarathon or with a trail volunteer group . Eight hours is a pretty small time commitment , but I think the race directors ' objective is to encourage ultrarunners who have never volunteered before to start because once you do , it is really difficult not to want to volunteer again . When you volunteer at a race , you really appreciate the work involved in making sure the race is a success ; when you do volunteer trail work , you realize how much effort is necessary in maintaining the paths we love . Also , it 's fun ! I always meet the most interesting people and I always learn something new , running and / or general life - wise . And there was quite a lot of it . I personally collected two large garbage bags completely filled with mostly plastic bottles of all types . Other items collected were tires , barrels , styrofoam , insulation , plastic bags . . . it made me sad to see so much trash along the trail , but I was really glad something was being done about it . Lugging along a garbage bag along this rock scramble was entertaining . We found some makeshift swings . We weren 't sure if they were sturdy , but they looked so inviting ! We were scheduled to work for only four hours on Saturday , but there will be future volunteer trips as the weather gets nicer . Next weekend I am supposed to volunteer with the Bearclaw group at Longpond Ironworks State Park , but since I want to do some major mileage this week , my plans are still tentative . Sunday 's run was uneventful . I ran the Central Park loop and reservoir loop and saw a few folks along the way , including Rick Thiounn and his fiancee , Lauren Healy as well as Stephen England , another Western States - bound runner . My Morton 's neuroma on my right foot started to act up by mile 6 , but it wasn 't nearly as excruciating as before and so I was able to finish my run . I think my regimen of acupuncture / serrapeptase / physical therapy / change in footwear is working . That being said , I am still visiting a podiatrist later today because it never hurts to get another opinion . Alrighty , so this week should be a blast . Lots of climbing , lots of running , and lots of strength training . I can 't wait !
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Free Popcorn at Regal Cinemas , Edward 's , or United Artists Cinemas for smartphone users ! Go to Yahoo Movies on Facebook and sign up , and you can continue to get free popcorn by texting 35350 until one million free popcorns have been handed out . Act fast ! Free Popcorn at Regal Cinemas , Edward 's , or United Artists Cinemas for smartphone users ! Go to Yahoo Movies on Facebook and sign up , and you can continue to get free popcorn by texting 35350 until one million free popcorns have been handed out . Act fast ! First , BlogHer ( a big blogging convention that 's really well - known ) just finished , and I didn 't realize until after it was done how cool it would be . Not that I would have been able to get a ticket , pay for a hotel room , and get to and fro . . . But next year it 's in New York , and I really want to go ! I haven 't talked to Woof about whether or not she 'd be interested in going , but I really want to make this blog into something fun , informative , and a really great place for college students and their families to share experiences ( with college and products , and anything else ) and to come together and do things together ! That 's really my ultimate goal , and after hearing so much about the conference , it sounds like something that really would have shown me what I need to do next . Plus , New York has a GREAT public transportation system ( I don 't drive ) , but the tickets will sell out more quickly . Hmmm . . . . . I guess this is as good a time to announce that I am looking for sponsors ( partial or full ) to attend the BlogHer Conference in 2012 . If you 'd like to contact me , my email is in the left column under ' PR Friendly . ' This post is for students , primarily incoming college freshmen , who are looking into what they need for their first dorm room . This will not cover apartments in which there is a kitchen area / private bathroom . Most of these lists I looked at when I was a freshman were written by adults , usually posted on some college website that sells everything they list . I 'm going to cut the dumb stuff and just make a general list - - if you need something else , trust me , it 'll be easily available when you get there . Clothes : Bring some summer / spring stuff , but bring a lot more winter / fall stuff . Pack shoes that you can walk through rivers in , if you have to , because some schools have problems with water draining slow on campus , in which case you will in fact be walking through rivers . If you 're a girl , bring a TON of hairbands . You 'll need them for the spring and early fall , if at no other time , and they 're occasionally a lifesaver . Bring Clothespins , too , for wardrobe malfunctions and minor backpack repairs . A Lamp : Do not buy a lamp with that silly little organizer at the bottom . You won 't use that . Buy one that 'll stay cool and light a surface . If it 's colored , fine , but you 're not going to impress anyone with your lamp , this is just a functional item . If it is really cheap , it 'll get hot and heat up your room . With two computers running , your room may already be too hot in early fall or early spring , so you really want to minimize heat at all times . Two Fans : One desk fan and one box fan . Dorms are different everywhere , but most don 't have air conditioning . That means they get really hot really fast . Also , if your dorm is in a building in which each room is heated the same amount you 'll really want the fans for the winter , as it 'll probably get hot then , too . A Mini - Fridge : The biggest is the best , but don 't bring a full sized fridge , as you 'll get in trouble for it . Don 't bother with the expensive ones with all the bells and whistles , but try to get one with a freezer if you can . The freezer does not have to be big . Office Supplies : You 'll need : one subject spirals . 12 of them to be safe ( this should cover two semesters ) . Pens and pencils , pencil sharpeners if your pencils are wooden , one big extra eraser , lined paper , a lap desk ( for when you 're in bed sitting up working ) , a stapler , a three hole punch , scotch tape , duct tape , masking tape ( Woof and i use this to put stuff on the walls to avoid pin holes . In most cases , pins are ok . ) . Markers , colored pencils , or both . At least one posterboard ( for projects in which you need one , just watch for a sale ) . Post - its . A dry erase board for your door ( even if you 're the only one who uses it ) . Scissors ( two pairs , because they 're always breaking ) . A flathead and phillips screwdriver and a hammer . Microwave : Only if you can have it . Size doesn 't really matter , the RAs aren 't trained to know the difference between the one that takes less power and the one that takes more . Food : If you can have a microwave , go for stuff that can be microwaved . If you can 't have one , you may have to resort to only having snack foods around . See if you can get in contact with someone at your school who lived in the building you 're going to live in and see if there 's a community microwave that you 'll have access to . Shelves : If you plan on bringing movies , video games , or really anything , you 'll want a set of shelves . A popular way to do this is to go out the day you get into your dorm , after you measure the top of your dresser , and get a set that will fit on there . Also , get drawers for underneath your bed . As many sets as you can fit . Trust me . I know I 've missed things , so this is where you come in . Take a notebook around with you for a few days and write down every last item you use during the day . Add what you feel like you need to your list . I can 't know everything you need . Hopefully I 've brought to mind some things you weren 't thinking of before ! Enjoy your first year , and let me know what else you added to your list ! This Power Plant was SUPPOSED to be deserted ; it didn 't turn out that way . In fact , they still use some of the substations there . First , we had to walk two blocks to even find the access point in the fence ( ya know , where the chains were cut ) . Then , we ran across a field the size of a High School Track . After that , we climbed through a window which was roughly 3 feet long , two feet wide , and a good eight feet off the ground . It was rough ; we used a cement block to hoist ourselves up . Once inside , we moved to the third floor . Not fifteen minutes after being in the building , one of the girls was photographing by one of the old broken windows . She thought she heard voices , she looked outside . . she did . Three workers in uniforms and hardhats were standing outside . One of them was on the phone . She heard him say something along the lines of " Yeah , well , we got a tip that some kids ran behind the building . . so , I guess we 'll bring the cops in . " Oh , shit . One of the members of our group , the other guy ( two guys , two girls ) had wondered off up the stairs even further to see if he could find an access to the roof . We had NO idea where the guy went . So the three of us are standing there , freaking out , trying to decide what to do , right ? Well , we decided to book it ; we had no idea what " bring in the cops " meant , and figured they 'd search the place . One of the girls called the guys phone , and he came running back down eight flights of stairs to meet us . We went down to the first floor where we entered . We had to climb back out the window , but from the inside , there wasn 't a way to climb up . We ended up using a stool to hoist ourselves up ; one of the legs was broken and it wobbled like crazy . One by one , we went back out the window feet - first . We used the cement block to come back out as well , being the tallest , I exited last . No one had been holding said cement block for me , and it ended up toppling over when I stepped on it . Yeah , that was a fun fall . We made sure we had everyone and everything , and high - tailed it back the same wayThe cops showed up just after we had all gone out of the fence ; now , we were on another companies property . They were still functioning , some construction company of some sort . Probably the ones that saw us go in and called in the tip . The cops spotted us in the companies lot , and forced us to stop . When we were questioned , we said we had just been trying to find a way to the Waterfront ( the Power Plant is located at a river ) . The cops gave us a lecture about trespassing , and told us to leave . Oh well , better than getting arrested , right ? Now , this is the location where we were originally supposed to travel . Thomas Edison ( formally known as Julia de Burgos High ) High School . Now , let me tell you all about this : We went exploring on a Thursday . We had originally planned to travel to Edison , and the trip was to take place the day before ( Wednesday ) . We had to change our plans at the last minute because one of the people who wanted to go had to work on Wednesday . Well , Wednesday afternoon , a 4 - Alarm Fire broke out at the abandoned school . In the front section , two of the floors burned . Although I was / am very disappointed we didn 't get the chance to walk through the school , if we hadn 't changed our plans , we would have been caught in the fire , for sure . We went today back , just to see the damage . Like I said , the top couple floors burned . The floors collapsed on themselves . Total wreckage where the fire raged . One of the locals we talked to , located in a townhouse right across the Alley , told us they were evacuated during the blaze , it was so bad . From the sidewalk you could tell just how badly devastated it really was . While walking around the exterior taking photos , we ran into another Urban Explorer . He was chill ; he told us about another school nearby we could travel to , and he 'd lead us through it . Word , dawg . We arranged to follow him there . We continued on , and eventually ran into the owner of the building . He bought the School on June 30th . Dude , after a month and some change , there 's a fire ? That sucks . One of the girls asked him about the auditorium , and whether or not it had been damaged . The auditorium is stunning ; it 's two stories - a stage , a ground floor , and a balcony . It 's amazingly beautiful , and I had REALLY been looking forward to shooting it , and was incredibly bummed out when I couldn 't because of the fire . However , I got the chance to go in and shoot it ! This school was incredible . It was ridiculously easy to get into , too . The back door was open and no one was around . Once inside , the ride was ridiculously smooth . Our new friend lead the way through the school ; very knowledgeable . Free Popcorn at Regal Cinemas , Edward 's , or United Artists Cinemas for smartphone users ! Go to Yahoo Movies on Facebook and sign up , and you can continue to get free popcorn by texting 35350 until one million free popcorns have been handed out . Act fast ! I emailed the nice people at Sodastream about a possible review opportunity without high hopes . After all , their product looked amazing , and I couldn 't imagine that my little blog would qualify for their reviewing standards . When I got an email back , I was super excited and provided some information to them , then didn 't hear anything for a week . Being new at this , I didn 't know what to expect . Was my little blog ok ? Did they decide not to do a review ? Once again , my hopes were low . Then on the day my family was going to a friend 's pool , we opened the door to find a HUGE box . It was almost up to my waist , and the Sodastream logo was on the side . I was SUPER excited to get it ! I carried it in and eagerly awaited the moment I could try it . Later that night , I opened the box to find two smaller boxes and some flavors . Here 's what I received : The Sodastream machine , a metal container of carbonation , a one liter bottle ( empty ) , some instructions , 10 big flavor bottles and a pack of 3 water flavors to go with it . I put the bottle full of water into the refrigerator and read the instructions very very carefully . It turns out , that was not at all needed . This machine is incredibly easy to put together . I think even without the instructions I could have figured it out . The machine itself is made of a strong plastic , which is great because that makes it light and easy to carry and travel with , though I haven 't traveled with it yet . It doesn 't plug in to the wall , so you can set it up just about anywhere , and it takes up a little more space than a 2 liter and it 's a little taller , but it is very small for a machine . It also works really simply . You press a button on the front and screw in the bottle , then you press a button on the top 3 - 4 times until you hear a loud buzz , then you press the first button and unscrew your bottle . The whole process takes less than a minute once you have it down . It 's a little difficult at first , but it doesn 't take long to find the best way to do it . The bottle that goes into the machine is also really well - made . I think it could probably last 3 - 4 years of frequent use , if not much much more . To be honest , I 'm not too familiar with re - usable bottles , but this one really impressed me . They also send a cap for the bottle so that you can store your soda in the bottle it was made in until you 're ready to make more . How convenient is that ? You can 't wash the bottle in the dishwasher , but really I 've never needed to wash it out at all . Since it 's made with water and flavoring ( which immediately dissolves in the water and doesn 't separate with time ) all you need to do is rinse out the bottle 2 - 3 times and you 've gotten out all the flavoring from before and it 's clean . If you 're really worried , then you can just pour some soap and water in there , close and shake it , then pour and rinse . No problem ! I also just love the many different kinds of flavors available . I got some favorites like Energy Drink ( Red Bull ) and Cola Free ( Coke Zero ) and some interesting flavors like Diet Pink Grapefruit and Orange Mango . They also sent two bottles from their naturals line , Cola Natural and Black Currant and Pear . I have tried most of these , and can say that the ones that are made after popular sodas really do taste like those sodas . In fact , my sister commented that the cola free tasted even better than normal coke zero . My personal favorite has been Energy Drink , because during school I am always drinking monster in the mornings , and I think that this would allow me to make my own and save the money , because frankly it 's a HUGE difference in price . If you use your machine for that alone , you can save an incredible amount of money . To put the flavors in the drink , you take your carbonated water and fill a the cap of the drink and pour it in . Simple ! You close your soda , turn it to and fro gently , and it 's well - mixed . The only problem that I have with the system is that the cap of the flavor is only a little smaller than the opening of the bottle , and it takes some time to figure out how to get all the flavoring in the bottle and not on the side . I have it perfected now , but I had trouble figuring it out . For college students , this could turn out to be their favorite gadget ever . The prices are low , so they 're not spending all their money on soda , and they don 't have a big bottle to worry about going flat either . On top of that , they can carry it to class like a normal re - usable water bottle . If they 're an energy drink drinker , they save enormous amounts of money , and don 't have to wait in line to buy their drink in the morning . They also won 't have to spend much time when they wake up making soda , so they 'll save up to 7 minutes every day . It doesn 't sound like much , but I know that a lot of people can get a lot done in 7 minutes . Plus , it 's easy to clean and the machine never gets dirty . The only thing I can think of that might be hard for college students is replacing the carbonator , which you can buy online or trade in at a store close to you ( they have a list of stores that carry their products on their site ) . You pay about 20 dollars for an exchange , but I can say that you have 60 liters worth of carbonation from each carbonator . That means that once every two months you might have to change it out . Ten dollars a month doesn 't seem unreasonable to me . In fact , that 's not even 5 days worth of my energy drinks during the school year . The flavor refills themselves are around 12 liters worth , and they 're about 5 dollars . Also , if you know soda the way I know soda , you 'll know this next statement means something : it makes fountain - tasting soda . Mew is a business major and Woof is a sociology major in University together . They live in the dorms and dream of things like visiting the aquarium together and going somewhere new and exciting . They share a love of oddities and geeky things , and they enjoy sharing their passion with others .
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I 'm climbing out of the pit . I 'm trying to convince myself that , while I 've made mistakes in my life ( like , not trying to get pregnant 5 years earlier , and many various and sundry other things ) , that doesn 't mean that the rest of my life should or will suck . I can move on from the mistakes and find joy in life . I can become a mother even if it doesn 't involve a genetic link . I 'm not a failure just because I 'm too busy right now to get through the adoption class or because the orientation was depressing . I can find a way . I 've been dwelling a lot on historical figures . A review of a scented candle , of all things , brought me to a French royal mistress ( linky ) - a minor figure that I 'd never even heard of . Anyhoo , she had six children , only two of whom survived childhood . Of the two , one died at the age of 16 in his first military campaign . The other married , but didn 't have children and her husband died of smallpox 5 years into the marriage . So , not only did the woman go through the pain of so many children dying , she never got to make her genetic mark on the world because neither of her surviving children managed to have kids either . And that got me thinking about all the millions of people since the world began who didn 't get to successfully reproduce , through accident or death or disease or whatever . Millions of people , if not billions . Why should I think that I deserve any different ? OK , so nowadays we deal with more infertility and fewer children dying in childhood , but the end result is the same . And it 's not like women haven 't been barren through the ages , or ended up in convents or as old maids because there was no other option to them . If you think about it , it 's monumentally lucky that our particular genetic combinations arrived on the planet at all , because it was through so many lucky and random circumstances that we have the genes that we do . So the future of humanity clearly doesn 't depend on me carrying on my particular genes . I can still make a difference by raising a child with love and can pass on Posted by I am feeling melancholic , so haven 't been posting . It 's all to do with the holidays , and no kids , and failure on so many levels . And well , I know you all get it , so there 's no need for me to elaborate . I 'm sure I 'll cheer up as the excitement of starting acu school rolls around , and I can look forward instead of backward or what - never - was - ward . I actually said those words this morning . To the vet . Ha ha ha . They wanted a cat poop sample , and they 've got it . Of course , they should have had it on Monday , but Atkins - induced constipation and wilfull hunger strikes led to a delay . Thanks for the thoughts about yesterday . I do feel like I expect too much of myself , sometimes . But it took me SO freakin ' long to stop doing IVFs . So many people were ( and are ) all : " just get over it , already , and MOVE ON . " So every time I struggle with moving on , even though on a day - to - day level I am at peace , it stings . Because I feel like a failure that I haven 't " got over it " completely , that it took me so long to even get where I am today . Then again , I probably never will get over it completely . My mother died nearly 30 years ago . I don 't cry over her death any more . I don 't actively grieve over it . But it is always there with me . It always brings me to a wistful pause when I think about how life could have been , would have been , should have been if she had not been taken away from us so young . I expect that unresolved infertility is like that . It will never leave . Even if I become a mother in another way , I expect there will always be some underlying grieving , angst and / or wistfulness . I know , I know , the child will be MY child , my true destined child , the child that I would not have had but for infertility leading me down that path . But that 's not to say that I won 't grieve over the fact that that child wasn 't the second or third child , meant to complete my family , but instead is the only child , found after a long fought battle . I don 't think the scars from the battle will ever truly heal . May you all have a wonderful holiday . And if you are dealing with your own IF battle scars , may it not be too painful . May you find some joy and light in the darkness . I went back to my old OB / Gyn today . I 'd stopped going because they were useless about getting the pap results done quickly and to my RE , so the RE had been doing my pap for the last few years . And the physical . And all that . But it was time to get back to reality . And time to get papped up for another year . I switched to a new doc , because I previously used to have a midwife do my paps ( don 't ask why , I don 't know myself - all I know is that I asked for a woman back in the day , before multiple IVFs destroyed my modesty in that area once and for all , and got put with a CNM , then got bounced from CNM to CNM until one finally stuck around for a while ) . Of course , the midwife , being mostly there to deliver babies was always off . . . delivering babies . So I would have to wait for an eternity in that damn waiting room , surrounded by swollen bellies . Torture , I tell you . So now I 'm with a doc who has a more varied practice , although it 's in the same giant OB / Gyn group that half the city goes to . And it was all going very well . I managed to squeeze my lengthy Gyn history since my last visit into the very small space provided on the form . They called me back to the exam room quickly , and the doc seemed nice . And then she asked about the fertility stuff and if I was OK with stopping the treatment . And big old toughie that I am , who is all " evolved " and " at peace " with ending my IVF career . . . I couldn 't answer . My voice cracked , my eyes instantly filled with tears and I stuttered and spluttered . To which she looked suitably panicked and said quickly " well , I mean , you 're accepting of ending it ? " Yes , yes , I accept it . I accept that my eggs are crap . I accept that I have finished treatment . But it appears that I am not OK with it . Still . I still wish it had just fucking worked , and I wonder how it can be that it works for other people but not for me . We briefly talked about adoption , she said that that was great , and moved on to how I need to get a yearly mammogram now that I have hit the big four - oh . Then she did the exam and offPosted by Does celebrating the New Year on January 1st seem completely arbitrary to anyone else ? Particularly midnight on January 1st ? I mean , how often is midnight actually the middle of the night if you don 't live on the equator ? Also , what on earth is January 1st connected to ? It 's just some arbitrary date and time , it seems . I have been nurturing such thoughts for years , and stopped celebrating at midnight , preferring instead to get up and see the dawn . But it seems to me that the new year really begins today , after the solstice , after the longest night of the year , so now I 'm inclined to stop celebrating New Year on January 1st at all , apart from acknowledging that it 's the start of the new calendar year . Or something . As I want to get ( even ) more in tune with my crunchy granola side , I 've been looking to ways to celebrate the solstices more . So I now put up my " Christmas " decorations on December 21st , which I did yesterday . I mean , I do celebrate Christmas with the family . I do go to church then . I was raised Christian and at various times have tried to be a good Christian . But when push comes to shove , I just don 't believe a lot of it and the older I get the less inclined I am to try , preferring instead to concentrate on Buddhism and other teachings . Not that I won 't celebrate and give thanks for Christ 's birth , being as he was a great spiritual teacher - I just don 't think he was all that different from Buddha or Mohammed in the grand scheme of things ( it 's the whole " only son of God " and virgin birth thing I have a problem with , oh , and the Easter thing , not the underlying message of his teachings ) . AND , he wasn 't really born on December 25th , was he ? The Christians just co - opted the old pagan winter solstice celebrations and moved ' em a few days . Where was I ? Oh yes , so really my decorations are winter solstice / Christmas decorations . So that 's when I put them up , to light up the longest night of the year . I 'm trying to make it my official start of my holidays , which , yes , will encompass Christmas and New Year 's DaPosted by I took the gatito ( gatita ? ) for her yearly check up at the vets yesterday . And they spent most of the time telling me how fat she is . But , but , but . . . , thinks I , she was just as fat last year . And the year before that too . Actually , she 's a little bit thinner than last year , having lost 0 . 35 pounds thanks to my half - hearted dieting efforts . I thought I deserved a pat on the back for that , but no , they tell me she needs to lose 3 more pounds . Sigh . So they took lots of blood with dire warnings about diabetes and kidney failure , and how she 's a geriatric now so I have to be extra careful . And they said she has bad teeth so I have to take her in for a teeth cleaning in the new year . I exaggerate , actually . They were and are lovely , and I really like everyone there . And they 're right - she is fat . Thing is , she was 7 when I got her , and was enormous then , and I felt like with the shock of changing families it wasn 't right for me to make her lose weight too quickly . She 's lost nearly 2 pounds since I 've had her , but OK , I 've had her for 6 years and I could have done a lot better . 1 . 5 pounds was probably lost in her first year with me , so I 've clearly been slacking for the last 5 years . And they probably did mention the fatness last year , but I 've probably glossed over it in my mind . So Miss Kitteh is now on Atkins , per the vet 's instructions . No more dry food , and no leaving food out for her . Not quite sure how this will work with my new crazy school schedule , but I guess it will just have to . We will just have to diet together , even if she complains bitterly . Incidentally , when I made that feeble little joke to the vet , he recommended Atkins for me too . Except when I said I was a vegetarian he just said " oh ! It will be very hard for you to lose weight then . " Ass . It 's a good thing he 's super nice generally , cute , and great with the animals , otherwise I wouldn 't put up with it . Guess who 's on the President 's List of the local CC ? Little ole me . 4 . 0 , baby , 4 . 0 . In other news , I have decided that I will skip the adoption classes for this semester . I think I need time to adjust to the new school schedule and it will be too hard if I am taking up another night with a different class , even if I find one that is not on a Tuesday . I 'm going to try to find one for next semester instead . And who knows , maybe if I get my request in early enough , perhaps the adoption agency will listen and run one on a Monday night instead . I went with the dress . See , it is a jersey knit and has pockets which probably wasn 't obvious from the previous link , so wasn 't quite as fancy as all that . And I always intended to wear it with a camisole so it wouldn 't be too revealing . But I decided on a grey camisole rather than a black one , for a bit of visual interest . Anyway , I thought the outfit was the right pick for the day and I felt confident in it . The interview went well . It was with two Chinese ladies , the Dean and someone whose position I didn 't quite catch . They pored over my embarrassing transcript from my Bachelor 's degree . " What this ? 40C ? What this mean ? It 's a C ? " " Uh , no , it 's a compensated pass , meaning I failed that course but gained enough in other courses to get the bare pass grade of 40 . This one at 53 is a C . But look ! That one 's an A ! See , over 70 is an A , that 's an 84 ! " I felt like I was doing the " Look ! Puppies ! " thing , but really , that transcript is from another age . It 's not me any more . But they didn 't really care in the end . They even said I didn 't need to have done quite so many Community College classes - yeah , thanks for letting me know that now . We talked a bit about acu , my current job , immigration , the school , etc . They seemed to like me and at the end of the interview said " How can we not offer you a place ? Congratulations ! " Then I sat with the admissions lady , and went over a lot of the stuff I missed from orientation . Including going off to try on various sizes of scrubs , as I have to wear school scrubs every day . But I 'll be attending 4 days a week and they only give you 3 sets of scrubs ( + 2 lab coats ) . I felt like going " ewwww , stinky " but I guess it 's 2 eight - hour days and 2 four - hour days so I can just wear the same scrubs for the shorter sessions if I really can 't get my act together enough to do laundry that often . I should have asked for another set of scrubs , but she kept going on about liking to do everyone 's order together and how she has a system , so I kept my mouth shut . She has a system over ordering the booPosted by Just realized that the CC grades aren 't going to be available until Friday , not tomorrow as I 'd been erroneously thinking all along . So I called the acu school to see if this will be a problem . The admissions lady said I could change my interview to next week if I 'd like . Says I : " Ah , no , I 'd prefer to do it tomorrow if possible , seeing as everything is arranged , but if you need my grades , then it 'd be no problem to switch . " Says she : " Well , I 'll have to check with the Dean , but if you 'd like to switch , then we can . " " Um , no , like I said , I 'd prefer to come tomorrow if possible . " " Well , we can switch it to Tuesday if you 'd like . " " You know ? I think I 'd prefer to come tomorrow , but why don 't you check with the Dean , and if he really needs to see the grades , we can switch the appointment , but if he doesn 't , maybe we could leave it as is ? " " OK , I 'll check and call you back . " Que ? Le Community College est fini ! I am fairly confident regarding my grades , which will be out on Thursday . Let 's just say that the English teacher whispered as I handed in my exam today : " Thank you for taking this class . It 's so nice to teach someone with a brain . " I could have kissed him . Community College rocks when you 're an adult . Onwards and upwards . . . Got my cholesterol down from 251 to 234 in 4 weeks . Yay me . There 's lots more I can be doing , so I am going to try to step it up even more to try really hard to get it under 200 . I guess this proves that the dairy really is what was doing it , not the IVF meds . I haven 't completely given up dairy and eggs , just cut way back . I suppose when I was thinner my body was more tolerant of high fat dairy , but now I 'm chunkier it reacts more . Except . . . I just checked my old posts , and my lowest cholesterol level recently was while I was following the full fat dairy infertility diet , with cream - on - the - top milk and yogurt . Am confused . Although I had a long , depressed nap yesterday , it didn 't make me feel any better . I just felt very deflated and defeated , like I was not going to ever manage to adopt an infant . But I want to thank you for your comments , particularly the one referring me to WACAP ( thanks Hedgetoad ! ) . Because after a night of sleep , things are looking better . It 's just that that room took me right back to the pain of infertility . There were 3 white couples . All of a certain age . All looking beaten down . All of a type that is so familiar from RE waiting rooms all over the country - the ones like me who have watched all the pert young IVF patients get pregnant , and have been left crying and broke . I knew they 'd all tried and failed to have kids , maybe even if they hadn 't done IVF , they all looked beaten down . The woman next to me was bubbly and the only one that didn 't give off a depressed energy . She was on her own so I initially thought she was single like me , but when we all had to fill in a sign - in sheet , she put a spouse 's name down so I guess he just couldn 't go . I don 't know , of course , but I got the impression that she was doing this to help the poor kiddies . She was African - American and , I don 't know , maybe she was doing her Christian duty or something . All just impressions , of course , but the energy coming off her was so different I just didn 't think she had been through infertility . Then there was another woman on her own , but she was in the wrong place - she had her niece and nephew and wanted to adopt them , but had already done the parenting class , etc . She didn 't appear too bright . Anyway , there was that IVF - waiting room contrast thing going on - the depressed ones and the not - so - depressed ones . The desperate and the excited . And it just took me back to all the feelings of failure , and wondering why it is so damn difficult . Anyhoo , the WACAP African - American infant program arranges private adoptions for $ 10 - $ 13k . Which is a lot cheaper than other private adoptions ( although it is depressing that those children are not aSolitaire I want to vomit . I want to drink myself into oblivion . I want to just . . . stop life and get off it for a little bit . I want . . . I don 't know what I want , but it 's not this . I went to the adoption orientation . There was a lady from the adoption - only agency , and a lady from the foster agency . It seems that since privatization there is now an alphabet soup of different agencies . The adoption - only lady said that the children available to be adopted are usually above the age of 8 , and have issues such as behavioral issues , health issues , whatever . Because the children available in the adoption program have already been offered to their foster parents and to their relatives and weren 't wanted . Then the foster lady told us about being foster parents , and how we can sometimes adopt from that , but their big goal is to get the children back to their parents . But if we do do that , as foster parents we 'd get second refusal on adopting the children in our care ( first refusal going to relatives ) . I tried asking about adopting a child under 8 - do they come up in the adoption - only agency , or do we have to do foster parenting if we want an infant . And she said that with foster care it might take 3 or 4 placements before we are allowed to adopt , because those 3 or 4 might all go back to their parents or we might get lucky and our first placement might become available for adoption . I 'm completely confused . I don 't know what agency I 'm supposed to go with , what I 'm supposed to do . They said all the questions would be answered in the 10 - week parenting course we 're supposed to do . And at that point we can specify if we only want babies , or toddlers , or school - age children . But then they said that we should try to go to the course that is being run at the agency that we want to sign up with , because we 'll develop a relationship with the people there . But if you don 't know which agency to go with , how do you pick which class to go to ? They kept saying that the syllabus is the same , but they cover slightly different things , so we could go to a Posted by By the way , does anyone watch / listen to the BBC news ? They seem convinced that our president - elect is some guy named Baracko Bama . It has a nice alliterative ring to it , I guess . Too - ooh - mowwow , tomowwow , I wuv ya , tomowwow , you 're only a daaaaay aahhh - waaaaaay . That 's my best Annie imitation . The adoption orientation is in the morning . I will finally be setting foot on that path . After 4 + years I will finally be moving on . I will be taking the first concrete step toward the rest of my life . Not that my life will be any different when I walk out the door after the orientation , but at least I 'll have some more information . Little by little , I 'll make it happen somehow . Do you shop at CVS ? Specifically , do you shop for razor blades at CVS ? Are not the plastic security thingies that are supposed to prevent you from stealing the oh - so - valuable razors the most ridunkulous things you have ever come across ? Or perhaps your CVS trusts you not to swipe the valuables so you know not of which I speak ? I used to get annoyed at these things . You have to press the button under the type of razor you want , wait for the little clockwork toy windy thing to push it upwards , and then you have to pull on the drawer thing to gain access . It takes for - evah . And what inevitably happens ? The clockwork thing starts wheezing like a geriatric on speed , and the razor blade cartridge gets stuck . And hence does not dispense into the drawer . Oh , boy , did this used to annoy me . I 'd huff and puff , and sometimes I 'd stalk off in a huff , intending to buy my razors elsewhere . Except of course that elsewhere like at the supermarket they don 't have the razors in logical places so I would invariably forget , and end up slinking back into CVS several weeks later all stubbly legged from trying to shave for far too long with the same blunt blade . And the second time around , when the razor draw thing didn 't work , I 'd slink over to the cashier and ask ever so nicely for help . I assumed that CVS would quickly realize the error of its ways and replace these foul apparatuses . But no , they 've had the damn things for years . And they still . don 't . fucking . work . Evah . Fucking fucktards with their fucking defective equipment . So , these days , I have to admit that I take a perverse delight in fucking the things up . I go in , jab at the buttons , yank at the drawer a few times until several of them get well and truly jammed and stomp over to the cash register demanding help , all the while loudly muttering about the damn drawers being the worst damn piece of retail equipment I have ever come across . And if I can get the manager to help me , so much the better so that he can hear my tirade rather than wasting it on the mere assistants . ForPosted by On the interview outfit : I am going to put together about 3 outfits , ranging from formal ( the dress ) to casual , cute and sassy , make sure they are ALL clean and ironed , and decide on the day which makes me feel more confident . To which end I have decided to go jeans shopping on Saturday . Eeek ! I hate jeans shopping with a passion , but it 'll be worth it to have a nice pair that fits . On the adoption fun : The adoption orientation is this Saturday too . I am convincing myself again that it is pointless to even put myself on the list this year because I can 't possibly adopt while at school . Which is stupid , as of course I 'd take a maternity leave for the first semester and I 'd figure out the work / school situation somehow . I can work from home if necessary with just an occasional trip to the office , so I 'm sure it would be doable . Somehow . Except , the panic level rises up again and makes me wonder what the hell I have been thinking . Oh well , first things first . Go to the orientation . It might even take me a year to be able to attend the parenting course because it might not be at times that I can make . So I might not go on the list for a while and then who knows how long it 'll take to get to the top of the list of the people that are waiting for a healthy infant . Oh , and anyone watch House yesterday ? Cuddy 's lawyer says it is easy - become a foster parent and adopt new baby left by dying teenager . . . so it must be easy in real life , right ? I did my first two final exams today for community college . And then I had to go to Art Appreciation , to listen to the most annoying professor in the history of the world drone on about god knows what . And I found myself daydreaming in class about drinking whiskey . I 'm not a big liquor drinker , being more of a red wine chugger . In fact , I have liquor bottles left over from a party that I gave about 5 years ago still sitting in the cabinet . The only liquor I have from time to time is whiskey , and then usually when I 've got a cold and want to make a hot toddy . It is not normal for me , but as I 've thought a few times over the last few weeks how nice a tot of whiskey would be , I thought I may as well go and buy a bottle and treat myself to a wee dram . See , unlike with wine where one glass makes me want to drink the whole bottle , one glass of whiskey is usually more than enough . So , especially given the stress of exams and listening to idiots that I 've suffered today , I thought I deserved it . So I did it , I bought a bottle on the way back . And I get home at 5pm and fix myself a drink . And scarfed it down . Then , as I 'm sitting surfing at about 5 . 30 , feeling nicely and somewhat naughtily buzzed , the po - po turn up outside . And two officers get out of the squad car and start walking to the neighbors house . Where there are two other squad cars and four officers standing around that I hadn 't even noticed . We 've had a spate of burglaries so I thought maybe their alarm went off , although I didn 't hear it so maybe it 's a silent alarm . Then all six police officers draw their guns and go off to check out my neighbors house . I start having palpitations about having to explain to them with whiskey sodden breath that I was home but heard nothing . Not to mention the whole thing about OMG there are men with fucking guns drawn at the fucking neighbors house issue . I pictured the reputation I was about to get as the neighborhood drunk when I started jabbering in fright if the police guys asked me any questions . Luckily , it appeared to bPosted by Oh , if only I knew how to do polls . Picture this : acupuncture school . Cool looking , slightly chunky girl turns up for interview ( perhaps a teensy bit intimidated with thoughts that acupuncturists are supposed to be skinny and project an aura of being 100 % healthy ) . What should she be dressed in to make the best impression ? Obviously , it 's a college , so one doesn 't want to go all out formal , and yet it 's respectful to dress nicely to any interview situation . And one wants to show a little creativity in the outfit because we 're not talking law school here , so nothing too corporate . I have a nice black dress that hasn 't been worn yet ( I got it using a birthday gift card to wear to my company 's holiday party that is now canceled ) . I have the necessary spanx to go with . I also just acquired some killer red shoes that I happen to be wearing today also . What do you think ? I would wear it with a cute cardigan , of course ( not a jacket , as that 'd be way too formal ) . But I can 't decide on the color of the cardigan - I have teal , bright pink , orange , or a multicolored floral one that includes some red to match the shoes but which has a base color of ecru / cream . I may have a blue one somewhere around . And of course black and grey , but they seem too somber when I want to make it a bit more fun . I 'm thinking the floral one is good . Unless I should go out and buy a different cardie ? I 'll probably have a light green handbag , as featured here . Is it too formal ? And yes , I 'm deliberately going for lots of colors to make the outfit more fun . I think the cardigan is key to that , so definitely not a black cardigan . The outfit 's got to be functional , as I may be touring the campus , etc . The shoes are definitely ones I can walk in . Should I be in pants instead ? The only problem being that all my pants are getting a bit worn out , and I 'd rather not buy new right now , in the hope that I will finally drop a size at some point . Or maybe I should just bite the bullet , and get some nice looking jeans that I could wear with the killer red shoes ? MPosted by Are you one of those people , like me , who gets insanely busy every now and then , and thinks " I must simply have a beautifully planned and operational To Do list right now , this minute , otherwise I shall forget the 6 million things running around my head that I must absolutely not forget . " Or something . It seems that , over the years , I have tried so many different ways of organizing myself , and each one gets taken up with enthusiasm and then dropped when I get a teensy bit less busy . But I 've been seriously spazzing lately , and fretting over my final exams at community college , and then about real school , which is coming up quickly . So I spent a little bit of time yesterday perusing planners , and I couldn 't find any that I liked . The electronic ones I have used haven 't worked so well , because they all seemed designed for people who have umpteen appointments every day , rather than someone that has umpteen things to do , some of which have drop - dead deadlines , some of which really should get done and some of which can be allowed to slide in a pinch ( usually the ones involving cleaning the house ) . Some of the task lists I have used even stop showing the task once you have gone past the deadline . I mean , hello ? If I haven 't completed it , it needs to stay on the top of the list , not just slink away pretending that it 's all just fine if I never do it . Gah . So I finally spent some time Googling , and found a free internet based task list that looks good , and that I can access from my B - berry . But I am not expecting miracles ( although if it works well , I 'll post a link / recommendation ) . However , as a fallback position in case I hate it , if you currently use a good organizer program or even old - fashioned paper based planner that is designed for busy procrastinators and you absolutely love it , let me know in the comments ! Finally ! It 's been weeks and I was about to call and inquire if they forgot about me . Except it wasn 't an adoption packet , it was a foster care packet . Saying all about how there 's a really desperate need for foster families for teens . Uh , yeah , I know , but I 'm sorry , I don 't have the ability to do that at this point in my life . But , I did manage to glean from it that a ) the orientations are walk - ins , no pre - registration is needed , b ) there 's only one county agency that is listed as being for adoptions ( which I figured out from the state website ) , and c ) there 's only one orientation in December that 's listed as being for adoptions ( which I also figured out from the state website ) . So , I did learn something new , and now know that I can just turn up to the orientation on the assigned day and find out more . Which is a week tomorrow , by the way . In honor of the newly resurrected Photo Friday over at Creating Motherhood , here are some photos on the theme of old Holiday pics . First , the obligatory gift opening shot . This is early January 1975 , with my Granny . We usually did a secondary Christmas some time around New Year with my mother 's parents , having done real Christmas on the correct day with my father 's parents . I 'm not quite sure why my brother looks like the butler here , or perhaps little lord Fauntleroy , depending on your viewpoint . Note the delightful fashions . Yes , that 's a long nightie I 'm wearing . I particularly like the clash between bro 's pj 's and robe . Stylin ' . And , yes , we were posing . And quite convinced that whatever Granny got us would be worthy and boring , and really not worth having . That 's why we hadn 't just ripped all the wrapping paper off , and instead looked all restrained and polite . Next is me posing the next day , with my favorite toy of the moment , Sindy . See how I wanted to match Sindy 's long party dress with my long party dress . God , I loved Sindy . She was the cheap , British version of Barbie . But she had dark hair . And , OMG , looked justlikeme ! I 'm pretty sure I got Sindy at " real Christmas " not " boring Granny Christmas " because Sindy is not something that Granny would probably have thought worthy . Actually , she probably got me the party dress . . . And wouldya just look at all those antiques waiting to be knocked over or broken . Visits to Granny 's were always fraught occasions as my parents would try to stop us rampaging around and breaking things , Granny would almost faint with fright at the thought of damage to things , and we were usually kind of pissed off at being scolded so much . Luckily , Granny mellowed a lot in her later years ! I got a call from the acu school . They wanted to know how community college was going , and when I would be able to supply the transcript . So I told them when I 'd be able to print out an unofficial transcript ( the 18th ) and that I 'd order an official transcript the same day but it 'd probably take a little while to get to them . So they said I have to have an interview , which they initially suggested for Dec . 23rd , and then we decided that I could go on the 18th , with my printed - out unofficial transcript in hand , because the earlier the better . All fine and dandy , except they 've had months in which to arrange an interview . I mean , did they really need to wait for this transcript ? Did they really think I wouldn 't be able to pass a few community college courses ? I guess maybe they did . Anyhoo , it 's not like it 's Harvard Law or anything where there 's a risk of them not letting me in because I 'm not impressive enough . So I doubt if the interview will be anything more than a quick " so why do you want to study acupuncture ? " session . And maybe a " how will you be paying us ? " session . But then the lady said that because I 'll have missed the orientation , I 'll have to stay for a couple of hours so they can go over everything with me and have me complete lots of forms , etc . But again , wtf ? They 've known I was coming for months . They couldn 't let me go to orientation with everyone else and leave a couple of forms pending for when they got my community college transcript ? Urgh . I am more irritated by this than I have any rational right to be . It 's not like anything will be really delayed in the end . But there 's something about it that just tickles my annoyment bone . AND the adoption lady hasn 't called me back , and I am impatient about that . I guess I will leave her another message about the adoption orientation . I am bad . No , wait , I am supporting the economy . You know how today is Cyber Monday , when we 're all supposed to shop madly online ? Yeah , well , I 'm a big online shopper . And today my inbox was crowded with special offers and special coupons and all sorts of tempting things . So while I came in to work this morning determined to resist , my resolve has been slipping the longer the day has worn on , and I started shopping . Of course , the sensible thing would be to do my Christmas shopping , and in fact on my first shopping expedition today , I did just that . Plus a little stocking stuffer for moi . But I have degenerated to shopping purely for myself and seem to be finding all sorts of little treats that I just have to have while they 're 20 % off . And oh , if I buy just one more thing , I can qualify for free shipping . . . Damn it , I 'm supposed to be being frugal ! me : Yeah , my cholesterol shot up again , so I 'm cutting back on cheese and eggs again , and trying to bump up the exercise . aunt : Well , it 's probably because you 've gained weight . me : Uh , yeah , but my cholesterol was 164 earlier this year , and I was heavier then , so I don 't think it 's as simple as that . aunt : You should lose weight , though , because it 's got to be contributing . me : I know , but I don 't think it 's strictly a weight thing , otherwise my cholesterol would have stayed high all year . I am trying to lose weight , slowly , but I seem to have best luck with the cholesterol by cutting out dairy and eggs . aunt : Yes , but you should lose weight . And exercise . What are you eating for breakfast ? me : Oatmeal , six days a week . aunt : Oh , well that should have helped . And then what ? me : A frozen thing for lunch usually , or a sandwich . aunt : So , that 's calorie controlled . You need to watch the calories to lose weight . me : Uh huh . I know . aunt : Then what do you eat ? me : Well , I admit , at work , I often have a snack from the vending machine mid - afternoon . aunt : Ah - ha ! Well , you 've got to stop that . Take a small apple and some almonds to work and have those . That 'll help you lose weight . me : . . . I know I have to lose weight . And I 'm sure now that I 'm no longer going through the depression of failed IVFs and eating a pint of ice cream for dinner , it 'll come off me slowly , but I don 't want to diet because I always end up gaining it all back again , and then some . aunt : Oh , you must stop eating ice cream . me : I know . I have . aunt : Because you 'll never lose weight if you keep eating ice cream . me : Unnnngh . Posted by I am in the big city to the south of where I live . I 'll give you a hint . . . it starts with " mi " and ends with " ami . " This is where the couple of family members that I have in this country live . And I have kind of a weird love / hate thing going on with it . I know that my aunt will never leave , and if I want to be near her ( and I do ) then I have to move here at some point . Especially if / when I adopt . When I first thought of moving to the States , this is where I wanted to be . But I didn 't find a job here that would get my visa for me , and got stuck elsewhere waiting for my green card . Then , as often happens , where I lived started growing on me . I liked that it was smaller and quieter than the big city . I liked that it was less hectic . I liked that the property prices were lower so I didn 't have to live in a tiny apartment the size of a shoebox . I liked a lot of things . And I guess with many places that have bigger and better known neighbors , there are a lot of people were I live that don 't like the city , or have a chip on their shoulder about it , or whatever . So I constantly hear people saying that they don 't like it , and giving one reason or another why not . It started to sink in , so I started finding fault with the place . And yet , I am always reminded when I come here that there are so many more things to do in a big city . So many more cultural opportunities . So many more food opportunities ( oh the yummy croissant I had for breakfast this morning , straight from the French bakery ) . So many more people to mingle with . So half the time I come here , I come away thinking that moving wouldn 't be so bad . Anyway , we had a fabulous Thanksgiving picnic , in a park , by the water . I wore a floppy hat because the sun was beating down . There aren 't many places in the country where you can do that in late November . That should remind me that the place I fight and rail against moving to is actually pretty darn nice . We had a couple of young kids around , and this was the first year for a long time that it didn 't strike like a knife thrPosted by I bought a knife . So much for careful deliberation and thinking through my purchases so I 'll only buy things that I will have a lifetime . Well , umm , it was shiny ? I went to that fancy kitchen store to play with the fancy kitchen knives . I made the sales associate let me get each brand out of the fancy locked knife cabinets . I hefted them , I felt their weight , I considered how their handles felt in my hands , I made practice chopping actions . I wasn 't intending on buying any . But oh my lord , I fell in love . And not with the knives that I thought I would fall in love with . One of the ranges was just so dang pretty , and felt so right in my hand . They weren 't too heavy or off - balanced . The handle could have been designed just with my particular palm in mind . I knew right then and there that there would be no other knife for me , and that I may as well just cough up . It was a shit load of money . But what can I say ? It was like I got this big whoosh of adrenaline when I picked up the right one and knew I had to have it . I can see why shopping can be addictive if people get that whoosh on a regular basis . I bought one all - purpose knife . Hopefully over time I 'll figure out what I really need so I can have one or two or maybe three , and that 's it . Maybe like a chef 's knife and a bread knife along with the utility knife . I have immediately set aside 20 kitchen items to take to Goodwill in penance . Do you use the " good " dishes in your house ? The " good " silverware ? Or do they sit gathering dust in a cabinet somewhere ? I have been musing over the concept for the last few days . It started with a knife . Someone posted to a board about this amazingly fancy and expensive kitchen knife . And I looked . And lusted . And that reminded me that I 'd lusted after some ( slightly less expensive ) knives made by this company previously . And then I went off on a little window shopping tangent , thinking about what knives I would buy if I was in the market for that sort of thing . Which of course made me think about how much I hate my kitchen knives , and how they were only supposed to be a cheap , temporary stopgap measure and yet have been used ( and hated ) for years . So in the end , I might actually buy some nice new knives to use instead . But only two , because as a vegetarian I surely don 't need a set of fancy knives for all sorts of meat dismembering when all I ever do is chop a few veggies and occasionally slice a loaf of bread . And I would have to immediately donate all the old crappy knives to Goodwill , because otherwise I know the " good " knives will end up in their box not getting used , just because they need to be hand washed . Yet , it feels like frivolous extravagance , especially in this economic climate to think about splurging - although there 's a part of me that thinks it is my duty to the economy to spend money while I can afford it , because not everybody can and we really don 't need to head in to a depression . But while thinking about knives and such , I thought I 'd check the silverware that I have , in case there was a carving set there . Or a bread knife . Or something . So that perhaps I would only need one fancy sharp knife . Because I have this enormous set of " good " knives and forks and spoons that pretty much never gets used . It was my parents set that they got for their wedding or some such occasion . I actually really like it , and I 'm not entirely sure how I ended up with it - there may have been some theft involved on Posted by Sorry , not going to be posting preferred names for kids on here . See , while my real name is , in fact , Sarah , and I post it for all to see , I reassure myself a little bit that Sarah is a common name and you can 't really find me just by some random googling - you need additional information about me to add to the name . I am sure that if you were really motivated , you can find me without too much trouble ( and please , don 't do it to prove to me that you can and then post my social security number in the comments , because I 'll be a bit miffed at that - I trust that you could if you really wanted to ) . However , I 'm thinking more of the not - terribly - motivated nosy neighbor or frenemy here . And I figure once I start adding more names , I become much easier to google . If it suddenly becomes Sarah + Ermintrude + Genghis then a family is more easy to track down . And if you were the nosy neighbor across the street , suddenly you 're coming up with the entire history . Which I 'm not sure I want you to have if you 're my kid 's 9 year old frenemy . So I 'll probably use pseudonyms . So , a couple of you commented about me putting down girls names . No , I don 't think I 'll get a girl necessarily . No , girls aren 't more common than boys . No , I 'm not only fantasizing about girls and playing dress up and all that . I did write the following : Not boys names at the moment as my preferred boy name already seems fairly multi - purpose . Which I thought summed it up . But I guess it was kind of hidden ! My preferred boy 's names are already multi - purpose . I think I could use them for any boy . Well , maybe they 're not so typically hispanic , but somehow they wouldn 't seem like a bad choice even then . So I 'm sticking with the boy 's names I already thought of . But my preferred girl 's names were / are very girly and anglo , and suddenly neither of them seemed right . So that 's why I was only musing about girls names ! OK , right from the outset I want to say that I don 't want any comments on how I 'm overthinking things , or worrying too much . I 'm not overthinking , or worrying . I 'm musing . There 's a difference . I 'm musing because I 'm not even going to the adoption orientation seminar for a couple of weeks , and I 've got nothing else to muse over . It means nothing . I may or may not act on my musing , but to me , it 's a harmless diversion . A bit of fun . Something to think about . Right , with that out of the way , I 'd like to talk names . Over the years that I was TTC , one of my favorite 2WW diversions was thinking of baby names , which helped keep me positive . They changed a bit over the years , and the boy name especially went through various incarnations . But with the girl names I had two early favorites and they stayed favorites . However , I 'm now not so sure . See , here 's the thing , I wouldn 't name a child until I saw them . I would wait for inspiration as to what I thought was a good name that " fit " that little person . But I want to have 2 or 3 ( or 5 ) front runners for choices that I would go to first to try on for size . Now that I have decided to adopt , in all likelihood I won 't be specifying a preferred race . But the thing that I keep musing over is if a child is placed with me of , say , Haitian heritage or Guatemalan heritage ( two BIG local groups ) , whether giving that child a really " Anglo " name would seem as if I want to try to ignore that heritage . I would want to be sensitive to whatever ethnic background a child has , and try to include something from their culture into our lives as they grow up . Same as if I adopted from China , I 'd want to , I don 't know , take the child to Chinese language lessons , buy some cute silk Chinese PJs , eat lots of yummy Chinese food and have a name that either at least has some sort of Chinese " ring " to it , or reference , or a Chinese middle name ( presumably the child 's birth name that I might not necessarily want to keep as their first name ) . That sort of thing . I want to be able to celebrate and incorporaPosted by I tested my cholesterol this morning , getting ready to go the docs to get a checkup in advance of potentially having no health insurance . There goes my theory of my cholesterol being high due to IVF medications . I haven 't taken anything for months and it was way high again ( 251 ) . But I just don 't understand how it can bounce around so much - I mean , it 'll swing like 100 points - it was 164 a few months ago . Anyway , I 've been a slacker on exercise lately , although I exercised Thursday , Saturday and now today as well so I 'm going to pick it back up again . I guess I shall have to go vegan again to try to bring the level down . Sigh . And I 've been having oatmeal for breakfast consistently as well , so I expected it to be good . Bah frickin ' humbug . I 'm being very bah humbug on faceb * * k too . Honestly , what is so good about it ? Every time I log on ( which is rarely ) I have several dozen little things people have sent me . OK , so it 's mostly the same 2 or 3 people sending stuff - clearly everyone else has better things to do . But . Ugh . And finally , what is UP with the weather ? Yesterday it was 88 degrees . Today it is going down to 50 . What a swing . Although clearly I prefer this to being in California - every time I read about those fires , my heart sinks . I hope all my bloggy friends are safe ! Yours , grouchily . . . Thanks for all the kind thoughts on my next adventure . Of course , there 'll be a lot of " hurry up and wait " about the whole thing , but that 's OK . I feel like I can finally look forward to this actually working one day , than always have to couch things in terms of " IF " I ever become a mother . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * In the meantime , I am as ever , concerned about the size of my arse , how much of terrible procrastinator I am , providing a nice home for my tenant , and various other things . I feel like I 'm entering into the home stretch with college - only 4 more weeks or so of serious classes , another week of exams and then I 'm done with that part . Then it 's on to the more strenuous college , but this at least feels like it it winding down . I 've also started yet another new " diet . " I 'm calling this one the sandwich diet . After having various things stick in my mind over the years about just how little skinny people eat , like : " oh , I just have half a sandwich and a cup of soup for dinner and that fills me up ! " I started thinking if * I * could possibly get by on so little . Clearly the answer is " no , " but equally clearly , I need to eat less than I do now . So I am aiming to reduce my consumption , and the first step as a temporary measure is to try to make at least one meal a day a sandwich . I 'll put anything on it , yes , even real mayonnaise , and I will make it tasty but it has to fit between two regular slices of bread , and I will try not to have sides like chips . Or dessert . And a fried fat - laden 5 - cheese blend sandwich doesn 't count . Or I will have a bowl of soup . Or a SMALL bowl or plate of something . Yesterday I had a sandwich , a small salad and a small cup of noodle soup because the sandwich alone left me hungry . I will try to work my way down . Today for lunch I had a sandwich and am kinda peckish now . OK , I am hungry . But essentially , I 'm trying to go for high quality , lower quantity . We 'll see how long it lasts . . . What ? What do you mean there 's a big elephant in the room ? I don 't quite understand what you 're getting at . Oh , wait , you mean that elephant ? That giant one where I promised to post about my decision on future motherhood , and then went completely silent and changed the subject ? Ah . Yes . That one . We 'll , I 'll spill . I 've had time to sit with my decision . To roll it around , play with the idea , think about pros and cons . Think about whether it is really what I want , and whether I 'm excited about it . And yes , I am excited . So now I 'm ready to reveal all . . . . drumroll . . . I have decided to adopt from the state . I do not necessarily want to do foster - adopt , although that is the program I guess I will have to go through . My biggest issue is to be allowed to have a newborn whose parental rights are either already or about to be terminated . Or a safe haven newborn . I don 't want to have to deal with heart - wrenching custody hearings and family members trying to get the child back . I don 't even know if I can register the criteria that I want , but I am going to find out . If there 's no way to do it , then I will rethink , but given that I don 't mind waiting , I would rather wait for an infant where I can know that that child will be mine from day one than remain in painful limbo . My state has a four - step process to be able to do foster - adopt - you have to attend an orientation first , then do a 10 - week parenting course , then have the home study , and then you are approved and finally go on the list . I 've figured out the orientation I want to attend , and tried calling this morning to book myself a slot , but getting through the crazy phone system was proving difficult so I think I will wait until I am at home tomorrow before spending a bit more energy on it . I am concerned about the course , as it 's usually arranged on Saturdays or on weeknights , and most of mine will be taken up with acu school . So maybe I 'll have to drive a long way to find one I can attend , or maybe I 'll just have to only go on Saturdays when school is out . Or something . ButPosted by Before I went through infertility , I was not the crying type . I actually cried very little . I mean , sure , some books or movies would have me leaking a few tears . Getting really angry and frustrated would cause a few sobs . But that was it . Now ? Now it 's not yet 9am on a Saturday morning and I have already cried twice . Once at a scene in " The Subtle Knife " by Philip Pullman that makes me dissolve into sobs every time I read it . And I 've read it probably 5 - 6 times by now - maybe more . And once at a speech on AIDS by Mary Fisher . Delivered at the 1992 Rep . Convention . Yes , I was researching for a paper I have to write for college . God , it made me cry . I don 't know whether to laugh at myself or cry some more . . . I seem to be rolling in cash at the moment . It 's a bit disconcerting to say the least , seeing that I cut my hours down so I 'm only working 3 days a week . Not that I want you all to hit me up for a donation , don 't get me wrong . I am trying to sock money away for tuition for next year , seeing as the stock market decline has wiped out a fair amount of what I was going to use . And then there 's the little matter that I 'll probably lose health insurance coverage in January too , if I cut my hours at work even further once I am doing more hours at college . So I need to build in a buffer for that . And I am about to start paying on a loan for the solar panels ( which I don 't have yet ) . But . It has really brought home to me just how much money I was spending on fertility pursuits . First there was the $ 333 ( pre - tax ) per 2 - week paycheck for my flexible spending account . Which went towards an IVF , of course . Then on top of that there was all the other IVF - related spending . $ 400 for an u / s and bloodwork here , $ 500 for some flights there , a little something - something on vitamins , or pregnancy tests , or ovulation tests , another $ 250 for another blood test . It all added up to a staggering sum of money . Just staggering . My credit card bill alone was routinely four times as much as it has been for the last couple of months . Four times ! And yes , I am trying to be fairly frugal , so maybe that has something to do with it . But it isn 't like I 've cut out all spending . I 'm still buying myself a treat here and there . Still not quite grocery shopping at Aldi . Still not as frugal as I could be . Still , I 'm fairly amazed at the financial drain that fertility treatments were having on my life . Actually , I had to be somewhat frugal while undergoing treatment , so I could pay for everything , so it has probably greatly eased my transition to my current income level . And , not that I 'm complaining , please don 't get me wrong . I was and am immensely lucky that I had the funds available to continue for paying for fertility treatments for as long as I did . IPosted by Oh yes , I stayed up far too late last night . But it was so damn exciting . I started the night at a results watching party . Where I sat next to a cute single guy who seemed interested in me . We twinkled eyes at each other , bumped arms every time one of us excitedly pointed at a TV screen with results coming in , and tried out out - liberal each other with our various political statements . Neither of us succeeded with the out - liberalling , so that was good . And we both got up to leave at exactly the same time , so ended up leaving together . But then got awkward and just said quick goodbyes . But maybe there 's potential there - he 's a coworker of a friend of my coworker so we can definitely find contact information if interested . I might even not play the usual coy thing and shoot him an email . He 's probably ridiculously young , though . Then I wended my way home during a lull in the results calling , but stayed up late late late watching , and then listening , to the speeches . I fell asleep to NPR burbling commentary into my dreams . And I 'm so proud of my county which came in VERY solidly blue . I 'm proud of my state too , which turned from red to blue . While my part of the state is usually solid blue , I 'm proud of some of the cities to the north which also made a big impact . 15 counties out of 67 were blue last night , but that was enough to carry the whole state . More to the point , given where I live , I 'm proud that we got our electoral act together and didn 't make fools of ourselves . But I 'm mostly just happy . This is a historic , giant step forward . I am so proud of us all , America . The election is tomorrow . The campaigning is almost done . Thank the lawd ! Even though I have been trying to avoid TV for the last 3 months , I can 't help myself and turn it on every now and then , and then I can 't stand the damn ads . One local congressional race in particular is highly irritating - the R 's are running one single negative ad non - stop . I have not even seen an ad from the D candidate - I don 't think she has any money for ads , but her name is mentioned without fail every single ad break with the same message repeated ad nauseum . I think if I hear " job killing taxes " one more time , I shall scream . Anyway , please , go out and vote tomorrow if you haven 't done it already . Even if you think your vote doesn 't matter or won 't count , please vote . For a lot of us , even having the ability to vote was a hard fought , hard won concession . Women were not allowed the vote until 1920 or thereabout - my own grandmothers were born before women in America were able to vote . It 's shocking really , how long it took . And it seriously chafes that I am not entitled to vote because I am not ( yet ) a citizen . And why am I not a citizen ? Because of damn government bureaucracy , that 's why . So I need you all to do me a favor , and go and vote on my behalf because I am not able to . Even though I pay my taxes and am otherwise an upstanding law abiding ( non - ) citizen . Yes , even if you vote for the R 's , I will thank you , because you will have exercised your duty as a citizen . At least , * I * think it 's a duty . It 's certain something we should do to pay honor to the women and men who fought so hard for universal suffrage . But I shall thank you even harder if you vote for Obama . I tuned in to his infomercial on Wednesday , and it brought me to tears . I truly believe that voting in Obama is vital for the future of humanity and the planet as a whole . No , I 'm not exaggerating . At the risk of coming across as a loon , I confess that I have definite new age tendencies , and there are people out there who believe that there really will be a change in thPosted by I realized this morning that I might have suddenly come to a decision on future motherhood . All of a sudden I have this peace about one particular course of action , and it seems like the right thing to do . Haha , maybe you did me a favor , Anonymous * . Maybe my unconscious was working on all of this while I slept , following your nudging . Which makes me assume that my unconscious brain obviously responds better to bullying and insults than my conscious brain does . Or maybe it 's been percolating all along - I knew I would come to a decision at some point soon , and that it was only a matter of time . I 'm not going to say what it is , as I want to sit with the decision on my own , at least over the weekend . I want to roll it around , try it on mentally for size and all those other things . * I 'm still going to delete your comments though , so don 't bother posting a self - congratulatory essay or anything . Anonymous thinks that I like my friends , and don 't like House because I only want people to feed into my pity party that has been going on for years . Actually , I think you 'll find very little self pitying on this blog . Sure , there 's some . I defy anyone to go through the hell of infertility and not feel sorry for themselves now and again . But pity party ? Please . I think I 've done pretty damn well at accepting my lot in life . Just because I don 't know if I want to do DE doesn 't mean that I 'm delusional or wallowing in self - pity about anything . Then she / he wants to know how many years I 'm willing to devote to this ambivalence while my life ticks away . Well , in case you haven 't noticed , I 'm not exactly wasting my life . I 'm far too busy right now to want to plan to deal with a baby on my own . Busy because I am out there doing things . You know , living my life . In fact , in my post about ambivalence I stated that it was probably because I was too busy doing other things . As in , " due to , " " as a consequence of , " and such other meanings . See , Anonymous , I actually take charge of my own life , and make decisions that suit me . I take full responsibility for those decisions , and yes , some of them take a while for me to make . But each decision is carefully thought out . That 's not to say I don 't do things spontaneously or don 't ever take risks . I have probably taken way more risks and made more momentous changes in my life than you could ever imagine . Lemme see , have you been to Vladivostock , Anonymous ? Been in the pyramids ? Done business in Mumbai ? Hiked a glacier ? Moved to a different continent ? Gone out of a plane on the emergency slide ? Been evacuated out of a country during a terrorist incident ? Gone around the world ? Changed your career ? Hung out in Borneo ? Said a prayer at the peace park in Hiroshima ? Aced the Mensa test ? Sailed a small yacht through a ferocious storm at night - time ? Day - tripped to Paris to do some shopping ? I have . I think I can safely say that I do not waste my life , letting it tick away waiting for things Posted by Did anyone watch House last night ? Cuddy was about to adopt as an SMC and House just spent the entire episode saying vile things to her about adoption , being an SMC , raising kids , working mothers . Everything . Bleh . I know it 's only for dramatic effect , and we all know House is supposed to be a pretty vile character , but some of the attacks stung . And then the adoption failed , and she said she couldn 't go through with it again so House called her a quitter , like she quit IVF . Hmmm . Thanks dude . Sometimes it takes courage to try and then to know when to quit . Well , I suppose I should be happy that at least a TV show is being somewhat realistic about fertility treatments and how difficult it is to become a mother the non - traditional way . At least one show is showing that it doesn 't always work and sometimes we 're left with nothing , and that sometimes it hurts too much to keep going . But it all kind of depressed me seeing as I really haven 't watched much TV at all lately - this is perhaps the second show I 've watched in over a month , apart from the occasional news program , so it was a bit much to take . Oh , and the other show ? Yeah , the main character got pregnant in that one . So I 'm batting two for two of themes I didn 't really want in my hour of escapism . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * p . s . to Anonymous - I 'm glad I 've finally made you happy . Now eff off . Sigh . We had major computer issues at work yesterday , so I gave up and went home . And I came all the way in today to find that the computer issues are not fixed . But hey , they sent an email to tell us that the email is not working ! Except , mine seems to be working sporadically , but not the document saving or accessing part . Hey ho . My boss will no doubt continue to be pissed at me , but I will try to take some stuff home and work on it there . * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * I have been having all sorts of thoughts swirling in my head about motherhood , and plowing on with the TTC ' ing stuff . And I have been reluctant to post because , well , they 're not fully formed thoughts . And I don 't want people jumping down my throat at something I say ( or don 't say ) when I don 't even really know what I mean myself . Does that make any sense at all ? Like , example : I have been thinking lately that I don 't want to be a single mother by choice . That I only want to have a kid if I have a partner in tow , to help with it all . And then I wonder if I was always ambivalent and if my very ambivalence helped to prevent me from conceiving ( in addition to the crap eggs , you understand ) . But then I think that that thought is not true . I don 't want to be a single mother by choice right now . My life is too crazy with the whole going back to college and changing career business . Right now , it would be damn hard , although I could probably cope with a child if I had a partner along to help and / or the housing market picked up so I could sell my house and move close to the college and / or I didn 't work so many damn hours and / or many other things . But I 'm sure that once I have completed college and got my life a little bit settled again , things will change , and I will once again go back to wanting to be a mother either with or without a partner . So because of all of that , the chances of me doing any home insems is getting smaller by the day . The chances of me doing anything at all get smaller by the day . But then I think I should still get myself on a waiting listPosted by I decided to try to become a single mother by choice ( SMC ) at the age of 36 using donor sperm . Nearly 4 years , 8 IUI 's , 8 fresh IVFs , 1 frozen IVF ( FET ) cycle , 1 laparoscopy , 2 HSG 's , 1 SHG , 3 RE 's , 5 acupuncturists , 4 sperm donors , 1 therapist and 2 whacky new age therapies later with no success to show for it , I stopped treatment . I am heading to acupuncture school as I want to radically change my life . I am also debating the next steps on my quest to become a mother . Will it be adoption , donor embryo , donor eggs or will I stop altogether and live child free ?
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The Conjuring ( 2013 ) - Years ago I had a career as a mental health counselor working with emotionally disturbed teenagers . It was challenging but also very fulfilling work . In the performance of my job I planned and executed many adventures , hiking , backpacking , river rafting and camping . During one camp trip in Bethlehem NH where my family has a camping trailer I created a story about the character Carrie from the Stephen King book of the same name . I had been wandering around in the small town 's main street cemetery and had noticed a gravestone from the 1800s with the name " Carrie " on it and decided to build a story around it to give the kids a proper ghost story . So the first night at camp when we are all sitting around the fire I weave the tale of the real Carrie . Stephen King as a young man would visit family in Bethlehem and he was always interested in the small old graveyard on the rte 302 . Next to a public golf course it always seemed so out of place to him . Every time they would drive down that street his eyes would be drawn to the cast iron fence with the old gray stones marking the final resting place of the former residence of the town . One morning when the sun had yet to heat up enough to dispel the mist that clung to the valley he and his uncle were heading in town to get the paper and coffee . As they past the cemetery King was sure he saw someone dressed in a gray dress standing in by a gravestone in the back part of the little plot . He strained his eyes trying to see through the mist but it was only a hint of a shape . When they stopped at the store young King left his uncle to his chatting neighbors and walked back up the street towards the cemetery . The mist was thick and he could only see clearly about fifteen feet in front of him , but he thought he saw the image of a woman ahead walking towards the same location he was making for . He picked up his pace trying to make up some distance to confirm his belief but try as he might he never seemed to make up the space between him and the spectral formSuddenly he realized he was at the gate of the old burial ground and looking in through the haze he could see a figure cloaked in mist at the back right corner of the plot . Shouting hello got no response and at this point he was wondering if he was just imagining the figure . At the age of 17 he steeled his courage and entered the grave yard making a line for the figure . No one was there . He was standing at a grave and started to bend to read its inscription when it fell forward toward him as if some invisible force had pushed it from behind . Heart racing and fearing someone would accuse him of vandalism he lifted the stone back into place and saw on it a name , Carrie . A sudden tingle up his spine like electricity was enough to get him moving out of that burial ground and back to his uncle . He always remembered that incident as one of the dark experiences that he would later use in his writing . Years later he would research that grave to learn of the mysterious death of young Carrie who lived just on the outskirts of Bethlehem . He would learn of the strange stories about her and how the locals thought she might be a witch . They say there is a being that still walks through that cemetery and is looking to latch onto a living soul . To fill that soul with darkness until it is devoured , King is filled with dark thoughts and ideas and his writing and publishing them keep him from loosing his mind . It is his curse from visiting that stone tablet on that misty morning , the locals weary of the curse had a fountain built on the main street and then had priest of every religion bless it so that a person who thinks they have been effected by the curse can go to the fountain and splash the blessed water on themselves to cleanse the negative effects of a visit to that graveyard . I scared the kids well enough and then of course I took them not only to the little graveyard the next day . Too the Carrie gravestone that is actually there , but to the memorial fountain also so they can clean off the scare . Now lets suppose those kids tell that story to their nieces and nephews , and then those kids share it with their friends . One of those friends write a book about it , treating it as a true story to be investigated . Then an urban legend is formed and the locals have to start answering questions from visitors who read the book . It is an amazing wonder that humans have the ability to create and believe in things outside the realm of evidence . It has created an incredibly full world of Gods and Demons and angels and ghosts . Literature and film and legends and myths are all pert of that ability to abstractly think and create fiction . So is the basis of this film , The Conjuring It is the story of a legendary haunting investigated by a couple true life paranormal investigators in the early 1970s . There is also though a story behind the farm this family moved into and there is no shortage of people making money from the books written about the haunting . The basis for the film is the story of the Perron family , and what has become the Harrisville haunting . Buying an old estate with a storied past the family reported many classic haunting incidents . You can read all about it on the internet . Then the Warrens got involved , in the late 1960s ; they were paranormal investigators , husband and wife Ed and Lorraine Warren . Grifters , uh I mean ghost hunters and demonologists who made a living investigating believed haunting and writing and selling books about the cases they investigated for the family . This is where I have to really make an effort to let my disbelief go . Being a believer in realty and not the supernatural when I see the fantasy of the make believe being exploited for money in real life I get a bit pissed off . The Warrens in real life , exploited the people that they supposedly helped for material for books and the rights to make movies . They made money off the fantasies of others while those distressed people believed there really was a haunting . I acknowledge that this is my hangup about what I see as taking advantage of people so for this film I have to let that go . It will in no way change the fact that this is a well made horror film with some really good scares in it . It in this case as with the case also investigated by the Warrens , that became the Amittyville Horror investigation and movie , the family members involved also benefited financially through books sales about their haunting . The consumers of these books end up getting what they want entertainment and some reinforcement of their belief in the supernatural . My nonbeliever mind needs to let go of its notion that this is exploitative . The film written by veteran writing team Chad and Carey Hayes and directed by James Wan is a really well put together film with solid acting and some wonderfully chilling moments . Wan an up and comer off his work in the Saw franchise and the two Insidious films does a very competent job at the helm . His use of reflection and jump scare , low angle shots , flashes of horror imagery and shadow are excellent in creating a mood that infiltrates this horror film . The film starts out in a fantasy world where haunting is real and demons attach to and torment people because they exist . A smart way to start and we never leave this world . Never does anyone question whether any of this is imagined , it is a story of and about believers and because they never waver in this during presentation the film really works . There is never a doubt about whether the family is being exploited . Ed Warren ( Patrick Wilson ) believes what he is doing , Lorraine Warren ( Vera Farmiga ) is a clairvoyant and everything she sees is real within the scope of this story . The demon tormenting the Perron family is real and the experiences they have through the story are always true to the world of the film . So with disbelief properly suspended I really got to enjoy this world . The slow build from has all the elements we need in a horror film . The dog refusing to enter the new house . Finding the hidden cellar behind a closet . April discovering the old toy down at the big old creepy tree . Bruises developing on Mother Carolyn Perron ( Lili Taylor ) . Finding the dog dead . The introduction of the clapping hide and seek game and then later a scary incident while playing it . The incidents and mood of the film grow as the film progresses making it scrarier and scarier . When we get to some of the strong scares we are fully engrossed . The first is the wonderful leg pull to someone behind the door scene , it makes your hair stand on end . A sequence where the daughter Christine ( Joey King ) is awoken by something pulling her by the leg enough to wake her up . Then there is the looking over the edge of the bed to create tension , upping the ante a bit she looks under the bed to see if someone is hiding there . While doing so she notices the room door moving by itself . Is someone behind the door ? She thinks she sees someone and wakes her older sister Nancy ( Hayley Mcfarland ) who gets up thinking her sister might be hallucinating and investigates . She is sure there is no one there even though no one is there . The jump scare to end the scene is great . It is never seen whether something is actually there or whether Christine is imagining it . She is comforted while we get the growing sense that something is not right . With a film like this the occurrences must build on each other to the point where the family seeks help . This certainly happens here . Switching between the growing trauma in the house and the story of the Warrens Wan releases anxiety in the audience while adding background and depth to the characters . Not wanting to describe each of the escalating events the family experiences lets just say that this is a film you should experience and not read about . There are probably four separate occasions where I had physical reactions to the scares on the screen and this does not happen often to this veteran of horror . In fact the incident with the oldest daughter Andrea ( Shanley Caswell ) and her sleep walking sister still give me a chill each time I watch it and I have seen it five times . In desperation Carolyn seeks out the Warrens who are immediately worried when they enter the house . Lorraine sees the spirits in the house and feels the evil , Ed is cautious acknowledging the toll his wife 's spiritual acuity has on her . Still they recognized that this family needs them and put together an investigatory team to study the haunting . It all builds to some really great effects driven moments that are wonderfully exciting for the viewer . When the final act begins we feel like we have been on a horror express train to Scareville and even though the outcome is predictable the ride is what this is all about and it is a fun ride . Overall though the acting is solid enough with Lili Taylor a good fit for Carolyn . Her husband a lesser role , Roger ( Ron Livingston ) is good at showing the powerlessness of a father who can 't protect his family from this supernatural force . The children had to either play or act scared and all did so adequately , from the above mentioned down to the other two , youngest April ( Kyla Deaver ) , sleepwalker Cindy ( Mackenzie Foy ) . Although Ed Warren played by Patrick Wilson came off a bit tight and stiff some of it was the writing . He provided most of the exposition about demons and how they are dealt with . He is the expert explaining to the audience so there is a certain authority he had to have to do so . They tried to soften his character in the scenes with his wife and daughter to counter this character need . The few added character helping the Warrens were developed just enough to have a stake in the film but don 't expect too much there . The third act of this film is really a great climax and one everyone reading this should experience . this is a well written and very well executed horror story that everyone should see . So get yourself together and see this film , it is very recommended by this blog . Now my little story in the begining of this entry may never go from story , to local oddity , to myth to investigated legend . It will probably never take root but a good story has power , power to excite , to scare , to create a life of its own . Many of the stories from the generation of the 1970s paranormal movement have rooted themselves in our pop culture who knows maybe someday Bethlehem NH will be a place where they take place for a new generation . Oculus ( 2014 ) - SERIOUS SPOILERS IN THIS ENTRY ! At twelve dollar a film I am often disappointed when I go to the theater . It could be picking the wrong films plays a part or it could be that most films are just mediocre . Most times though there sitting in the dark there is a sinking feeling that the film on the screen will be in a discount bin or queue in six months . It may be that theaters are so oriented towards big budget films that we just don 't see the creative independent films that blow our minds . Small venue viewing like the ones held at the Somerville Theater by All things Horror tend to be where I am seeing the cool stuff . The full priced theater tends to just leave me a bit empty an so it is always with reluctance that this is where I want to see a movie . An exception had to be made this week for Oculus by Mike Flanagan . ( I probably should have gone to see the Conjuring in theaters but never did . So with a bit of hope that my pattern would be broken my daughter and I ponied up our cache and headed in to see Oculus . Flanagan got a recommendation from this blog for his cool monster flick Absentia ( 2011 ) so I was really looking forward to see what he could do with a bigger budget . I thought at that time that this was a very creative film maker with potential and really the criticism I had for that first film was he just did not have the funds to make it as good as it could have been . This is not a problem with Oculus . I wanted to also see and write about this film before I started hearing and seeing reviews for it . I am sure I will probably pick up on many of the same things any reviewers will but I wanted to do this review clean before getting any ideas from anywhere else . Oculus is a very cleverly written film and the editing is even more clever . Shifting between the past and the present in such a fluid way it tells two tales at once centering around an antique mirror . Whether that mirror is haunted or not I will leave for later , the characters think it is and that is what matters for the plot . The film tells the story of sibling Kaylie and Tim Russell in the past and in the present . In the past we see the 12 year old Kaylie ( Annalise Basso ) and 10 year old Tim ( Garrett Ryan ) as they move into a new house with their parents Marie ( Katee Sackoff ) and Alan ( Rory Cochrane ) . Then things go horrible wrong in the house and Alan kills Marie and when going after the kids is killed by young Tim . In the present Tim ( Brenton Thwaites ) is released from mental health treatment at the age of 21 and is met by his sister Kaylie ( Karen Gillan ) . She over the years in foster care has grown into an obsessed young woman . Obsessed with the mirror she believes is the root of the past horrors . Having hunted it down and researched its history she is convinced it feeds on life . Killing plants around it , making pets vanish , and taking over the will of people around it to kill those they love . She has a plan to document and then destroy the mirror . Her brother having recognized through therapy all the ways the past could be misremembered is reluctant to help but family bonds are strong and soon the two are back in the house their parents died in and are playing out a plan . The writing in this film is very smart and I appreciated it . The scenes in the past are viewed from the point of view of the children . Traumatized by arguing parents who grow increasingly more dysfunctional we get to feel their pain as thing spiral out of control . Kaylie the older of the two sees a supernatural entity in the mirror in the fathers office and feels it is influencing him towards violence . Really the clever part is whether there is or isn 't anything other than fucked up parents and psychologically damaged children . Sure we see the other worldly beings as the audience but it is completely through the memories of the siblings . Having worked in mental health for many years it seems possible that it is Kaylie who is misremembering the past and that the trauma of the murders has created a psychotic break for her . This would explain her needs to deal with the mirror . Tim is a voice of reason trying to explain how things could have gotten confused but she is so determined that he seems to lose this argument . She is convince that therapy has brainwashed him into explaining all the magic away from what happened . He being influenced by her in the past easily falls under her spell again in adulthood . Playing with the line between real and unreal is such a strength of this film . The absolutely complicated system that Kaylie comes up with to fool the mirror and hopefully destroy it could be viewed as a bit crazy but she is so convincing in her evidence that we and the brother must at least hope for her sake that it has credence . If there is a weakness in the film it is the blatant setup for a sequel but considering how well done this film is I can only hope that the studio throws a bunch more money at Flanagan and he gets to do even more good work . This film is very much recommended by this blog . Go see it in theaters and hope for more . Aftershock ( 2012 ) Disaster Aftershock ( 2012 ) - A quick watch on a cloudy afternoon and maybe a very quick review also . Why ? Well sometimes there is not a lot you can say about a film . Sometime said film is so void of redemption that talking about it is really just wasting your time . Sometimes a film has so little consideration for its audience that the viewer does not want to give it any consideration in return . This is the case for this particular movie . Framed as a disaster film but crossing over into thriller and horror it is a fight for survival from both mother nature and from bad people taking advantage of an already bad situation . Unfortunately though the film does a lot of things that make it a vapid exercise in voyeurism with almost no reason to care for the characters we may want to pull for . The plot centers around three men , two Chileans Ariel ( Ariel Levy ) and Pollo ( Nicolas Martinez ) and an American called only Gringo ( Eli Roth ) who are out and about to show Gringo a good time while visiting Chile . Shallow men in their thirties who are only focused on getting laid they go from one club to another failing at their goal . Trying to make Gringo a more likable character with a scene of him talking to his daughter on the phone fails to elicit any good feeling . His friend Ariel is nondescript but trying to be a helpful wing man . Pollo the wealthy guy with the connections to get them into the clubs is a womanizer who is flitting through life without a care because of his father 's money . They are making a play for three women friends Monica ( Andrea Osvart ) , Irina ( Natasha Yarovenko ) and Kylie ( Lorenza Izzo ) . The main thing we want to note about these three is a bit of background concerning Monica and Kylie . Half sisters with the same Father there is a bit of sibling rivalry but also Kylie is a recovering drug addict and Monica the responsible one is traveling with her to try to keep her from slipping up . The scant back story is just enough to let the audience know these are the characters we should cheer for without giving enough information to actually care for them . They are the eye candy for the film and the damsels who will later be in distress . We get to see quite a bit of these people before the main events of the film start to know that they are not a very likable group . Superficial young people who have very few qualities to make us care if they live or die . Then the roller coaster ride begins and since the stage has been set we know who will be the final girl . The adventure starts with trying to get to the hospital on the hill . When this subplot is resolved we learn the prison in the city has broken and dangerous prisoners are rampaging the streets raping and killing . So onto the new plot of the dangerous prisoners raping and killing our main characters . Mixed in are some lost friends and close calls escaping just in time , and of course the titular aftershocks which drop things around and on the characters both benefiting and harming them . Some of what is written into the plot by Roth and Nicolas Lopez is harsh , the rest is mean spirited . Not that we want to pull for these characters but when they are in crisis most of the outcomes are a real " Fuck You " to the viewer . If you were hoping for anything positive you were a fool . When the daylight moment comes for the final girl , at least this viewer knew what her seeing the ocean meant . For that final scene I did wonder whether these pricks of film makers were cruel enough to pull the last dirty trick . There was no Maureen McGovern singing " There 's Got to be a Morning After " and the cruel intentions of the script stayed true until the end . Is that a unique surprise or is it just plain mean ? I would have to leans towards the later . In order to make it original we would really have to love these characters . That is not possible because the scenes where we got to know them showed them as American Assholes , Chilean spoiled rich kids and uptight mother hens . There is no reason to care when they are crushed under stone , raped and murdered or burned alive . True the final survivor is the best of the lot but you don 't really care if she lives or dies . Recommending this film is not really a possibility after a review like this . Sure anyone who is a die hard disaster film lover might get something out of it but this reviewer expects a lot more from this genre than these cheap tricks . Nurse 3D ( 2013 ) - Sometimes advertising is a real influence in getting people to watch a film , Nurse 3D has some really great poster art and with it came my choice to watch the film . I really wish the film was half as good as the posters , but it is not . What it is at heart is a story of a psychopath damaged as a child by the so overly predictable trauma of seeing her Dad fucking someone other than her Mother . This trauma follows her into adulthood where she works as a nurse and on the side uses her ample assets to lure married men into cheating and then doling out punishment for being so weak . The film could be an homage to movies past but I don 't think from listening to the director , writer Douglas Aarniokoski 's commentary that this idea was in his head at all . He was trying to make a sexy , crazy thriller that he thought was cool . In fact he cared a lot more about the shots in the film more than whether the story was original . Maybe I am being a bit harsh off the top of my head I can only think of one film with a similar traumatic event , Silent Night , Deadly Night . Still the film just does not feel very original . It could be that there are some things that are small that seemed to be played over the top and I just didn 't like . Later in the film when we get the flash back to the damaging events , they just did not seem that traumatizing . The fact that the killer as a child does something horrible in a tense situation between her parents I suppose is suppose to carry the idea into her adulthood but that seemed a stretch . There is also a real lack of subtext here . . There could have been social commentary about the objectification of women but for all of the sexuality oozing through the film it really just says its a great tool for a serial killer . Abby ( Paz de la Huerta ) is a woman who punishes men for their infidelity but it is really not saying anything about infidelity because the character is so insane she takes the impact away . You really can 't pull for the killer even though the men are cheaters because the impact of their cheating is never seen . It also does not touch the question of the impacts of those deaths on the spouses and children left behind . It all is just a premise to have this serial killer go after men . The story is about a serial killer woman Abby posing as a nurse who has boundary problems and a need to punish men who cheat on their wives . She is off her rocker and it is not good for the people around her . Still the avenging angel of infidelity persona only lasts enough time to establish a motivation . The story being told is how she gets interested in fellow nurse young attractive , Danni ( Katrina Bowden ) , after a night out drinking together , whether Abby drugged her is probable , Danni wakes in Abby 's apartment embarrassed because she blacked out . In the strange voice over we hear Abby explain how the finger fucking of young Danni to orgasm and it was a great experience . Then the story is about the two women , Abby who feels slighted by the non responsive Danni start a plan of fucking with her life . Danni who just wants to forget the night comes to realize just how fucked up and dangerous Abby is . As she learns the about the psycho she also realizes that Abby is setting it up so that no one will believe her if she exposes the lunatic . Eventually thing unravel for Abby in a blood soaked rampage that is so unbelievable that the viewer is left mouth agape wondering why cops and security guards do not exist in this world . The first is the lead Paz de la Huerta who just seeps sexuality in this film . She plays the character so strangely that it is hard to believe a single person in the story 's reality would not find her creepy . She is so unreal and strange but everyone interacts with her like she is perfectly normal . The director too loves not only this character but the actress and spends a good deal of time making her look sultry . Slow motion walks with semi see through dresses , lace underwear , lots of cleavage all to make her hot and irresistible . Paz de la Huerta gives it her all and really plays a psycho really well but the character seems too bizarre not to have been found out long ago . Then on top of it the premise that she could just get a job at a hospital using someone 's identity seems pretty far fetched . She takes the name of the nurse who cared for her in a psychiatric ward and goes to work as a nurse . How ? Just how does that happen that she can replace a woman twice her age and no one finds her out . The actress does all with her acting skills to sell that Abby is a very damaged and emotionally unstable woman but flaws in the screenwriting makes it hard to believe . In fact there are several small things done for effect that really bothered me , like needles full of fluid being displayed that are way too big and used just for effect . In one scene we see Abby give a needle with about an ounce of fluid in it to a victim and later she describes it as 4cc . You would use a tiny little needle for that . In a scene where Abby is fucking a dead victim we see like twenty needles stuck all over his chest and stomach , so ridiculous that it takes away from the tension of the movie . Then there is the age thing , we have a back story for Abby where an orderly tells her story to Danni but he tells it as he was there , the actor though looks like he is the only a few years older than her , in order for her to be eight at the asylum that man should be at least 50 years old . Then there is the Danni shower scenes , who the hell showers in her underwear ? I understand if the actress does not want to do nudity . That can be respected but you do not have to shoot it so she is standing in the shower in full view with her panties on . How about just a shot of the head under the shower head or just cut out the lower half . Costar Bowden does a fine job as the new nurse who has her life turned upside down by Abby . She is vulnerable and then fights back with a strength that is admirable . I found myself wondering what else she was in and did not really remember her roles in other film . Seeing a lot of film makes it hard at times to place actors , but Bowden was in the very forgettable Piranha 3DD and in the recent comedy Movie 43 in the segment Super Hero Speed Dating . She holds her own here , if this film was meant to be a comedy , she would be the straight guy to de la Huerta 's clown . Maybe this is a comedy and I just did not get the humor ? There are some smaller parts and cameos that should be noted here , Judd Nelson as Dr . Morris plays a great douche bag of an attending physician . In the end he gets what every harassing ass should get in a film about punishing the likes of his character . Then for one scene a quick appearance by Kathleen Turner who sounds like the smoking has finally caught up with her . Comedy actor Niecy Nash does a sassy black nurse character that is a stereotype of stereotypes but does it with the confidence to pull it off . All characters in this movie are substantiated only to drive the simple plot so are sort of wasted . Amazed by the final fight sequence that was so over the top that it leaves you wondering how the security at this hospital manages to get paid . Then the unbelievable scene where Abby strips and lays in a bed in a hospital room covered in blood from the destruction she has just done . When Danni and her boyfriend Steve ( Corbin Bleu ) come is they attend thinking she is another victim I shuddered at the stupidity . WTF she is totally recognizable ! This is a film that may be a lot of fun in a roomful of drinking buddies but fails as a serious horror film . There is certainly camp value here but not enough to get a recommendation in this blog . The sequel ready ending is enough to make this reviewer want to rip his beard out . Dust Devil ( 1992 ) - Horror Magic Psycho Dust Devil ( 1992 ) - I chose this film after listening to director Adrian Garcia Bogliano 's commentary on his film " Here Comes the Devil " . He says that this film is the film that made him become a film maker . It certainly a film like no other I have seen . What Richard Stanley 's demon serial killer Namibian epic is all about is style . Loosely based on a real life serial killer who hid in the outback of Namibia the story adds a legend of supernatural to make the film . Sweeping shots and saturated colors of reds and orange by Cinematographer Steven Chivers while amazing musical themes by Simon Boswell play through in what could be mistaken at times for a spaghetti western . The music is an amazing mix of classic Western style themes that really make the film more than a horror film . Stanley uses closeup , camera movement , expansive arid landscape , and helicopter shots to widen the breadth of the film . It is a very unique horror film that blurs the line of genre . I remember a conversation on the Splattercast podcast ( you all should be listening to this one ) talking about camera shots and movement and that every shot should have a purpose . So when you watch this film pay attention to the really cool moving shots . Are they really for a reason ? What are the effects on the viewer when these shots are shown ? Since this film is very stylized it is an interesting example to talk about this area of film making . My background being more in the studying screen writing generally leaves me at a loss to answer whether this film is shot well . It certainly looks good to me but I don 't know the answer . A story of a demon made man who kills and uses " body magic " to attempt to leave the earthly plane after generations of wandering and building the power of his rituals through murder and mutilation . Looking to do enough magic to escape the human plane the Demon is drawn to people contemplating suicide and so he finds our main character Wendy Robinson ( Chelsea Field ) . She is a woman escaping a failing relationship with her paranoid and abusive husband Mark ( Rufus Swart ) she heads west towards the sea and to her inevitable meeting with the Dust Devil . Dated by its political setting the film touches the very real conditions of the country at the time of shooting . Set in the arid sand filled wastes of Namibia just a couple years after it had won its freedom form South Africa . ( 1990 ) We follow the wanderings of the Dust Devil ( Robert John Burke ) a serial killing demon who victimizes strangers for his cut and dice magic which uses placement of body parts and blood drawings to move the demon ever closer to escaping this plane of existence . There are many examples in the film that give away the political conditions during filming . The tension between the white and black police officers , where the whites more and more are being moved out and black africans are taking the lead . Little thing that are more subtle like in a bar in the country side where segregation is the rule . The pinball machine which was on the white side is taken during the film andthen resides on the black side of the bar . Countering this malicious spirit made man is Ben Mukurob ( Zakes Mokae ) a former military commander who fought for the wrong side in the revolution but now a police officer with the experience to track the Dust Devil . Seeing the hideous remains of his magic Ben struggles with the idea of magic but can not deny that the killer believes . Haunted by a past that not only cost him his standing but also lost him his wife and son fifteen years before he is a man looking to move on who can 't . Ben has the skill to catch this serial killer but to do it he will have to let go of the reality he knows for magic in front of his eyes . Wendy is an interesting character in that she is both strong but also contemplating suicide those feelings though are what attracts the Dust Devil . Her journey is one of discovering the strength to go on living . She goes from abused wife to strong fighter who does not need anyone else to thrive . The film is a complex one with several strands that the direct manages to weave into a very enjoyable experience . The experience though may be trying to do a bit too much . There is a " let me tell you a tale " voice over that although adds something to the story could probably been excluded without hurting the story . The same thing can be said for the husband Mark , when Wendy left him he had served his purpose and although the metaphor of walking past him in the end of the film is effective to show the growth of the character it ultimately is a bit too on the nose and unnecessary . The pacing is slower than some horror and definitely slower than modern horror but growing up in the seventies I sort of like that . Certainly I will recommend this film it is above the average and a wonderful mix of magic Western and serial killer . Hell I have now watch the film four time and each time I have enjoyed the viewing and gotten a bit more depth from it . So for sure add this to your viewing list . Skinned Alive ( 1990 ) - . Its a simple setup for a very simple film . Tempe DVD is still in business and still selling some wonderfully horrible trash films . This one is horrible but not wonderful and really difficult to get through . What do you expect for a film made for $ 18k ? A family of psychopaths travel the country looking for victims to kill , skin and make leather products out of . Could be an interesting set up but the script written by director Jon Killough is a horror comedy lacking both horror and comedy . The primary problem is the cast that just yells at each other in every scene and swears constantly . Playing completely over the top might have seemed like a good idea at the time this feature was made but it really has not aged well . We have a family of killers here , Crawldaddy ( Mary Jackson ) the Mom is the handicapped matriarch with two adult children , Phink ( Scott Spiegel ) and Violet ( Susan Rothacker ) who drive around killing people and then skinning them . The chaos of what they do is not in their actions but more in their interactions with each other . Shouting , cursing and general low brow behavior makes the film almost unwatchable . There is a bit of a storyline when they settle into a neighborhood after their van breaks down . They are invited by the locals Paul ( Floyd Ewing Jr . ) and Louise ( Jennifer Mullen ) to stay with them , contrasting the trusting locals with the traveling assholes . There is some killing and then stupidly not getting rid of the bodies , so the risk of getting caught but there is a problem with this set up . The locals are way too simple to get these people are jerk offs and family of killers are way too unlikable to care if they get caught . You sort of want them to get caught just to shut them up . The sort of one reasonable character is the neighbor Tom ( Lester Clark ) a former cop with a powerful gun . When the shit hits the fan he lets the human leather making family have it and its the one thing that we can cheer about in the film . All and all though this is not a fil I can remotely recommend . Its on you if you need to make yourself suffer through it .
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The Conjuring ( 2013 ) - Years ago I had a career as a mental health counselor working with emotionally disturbed teenagers . It was challenging but also very fulfilling work . In the performance of my job I planned and executed many adventures , hiking , backpacking , river rafting and camping . During one camp trip in Bethlehem NH where my family has a camping trailer I created a story about the character Carrie from the Stephen King book of the same name . I had been wandering around in the small town 's main street cemetery and had noticed a gravestone from the 1800s with the name " Carrie " on it and decided to build a story around it to give the kids a proper ghost story . So the first night at camp when we are all sitting around the fire I weave the tale of the real Carrie . Stephen King as a young man would visit family in Bethlehem and he was always interested in the small old graveyard on the rte 302 . Next to a public golf course it always seemed so out of place to him . Every time they would drive down that street his eyes would be drawn to the cast iron fence with the old gray stones marking the final resting place of the former residence of the town . One morning when the sun had yet to heat up enough to dispel the mist that clung to the valley he and his uncle were heading in town to get the paper and coffee . As they past the cemetery King was sure he saw someone dressed in a gray dress standing in by a gravestone in the back part of the little plot . He strained his eyes trying to see through the mist but it was only a hint of a shape . When they stopped at the store young King left his uncle to his chatting neighbors and walked back up the street towards the cemetery . The mist was thick and he could only see clearly about fifteen feet in front of him , but he thought he saw the image of a woman ahead walking towards the same location he was making for . He picked up his pace trying to make up some distance to confirm his belief but try as he might he never seemed to make up the space between him and the spectral formSuddenly he realized he was at the gate of the old burial ground and looking in through the haze he could see a figure cloaked in mist at the back right corner of the plot . Shouting hello got no response and at this point he was wondering if he was just imagining the figure . At the age of 17 he steeled his courage and entered the grave yard making a line for the figure . No one was there . He was standing at a grave and started to bend to read its inscription when it fell forward toward him as if some invisible force had pushed it from behind . Heart racing and fearing someone would accuse him of vandalism he lifted the stone back into place and saw on it a name , Carrie . A sudden tingle up his spine like electricity was enough to get him moving out of that burial ground and back to his uncle . He always remembered that incident as one of the dark experiences that he would later use in his writing . Years later he would research that grave to learn of the mysterious death of young Carrie who lived just on the outskirts of Bethlehem . He would learn of the strange stories about her and how the locals thought she might be a witch . They say there is a being that still walks through that cemetery and is looking to latch onto a living soul . To fill that soul with darkness until it is devoured , King is filled with dark thoughts and ideas and his writing and publishing them keep him from loosing his mind . It is his curse from visiting that stone tablet on that misty morning , the locals weary of the curse had a fountain built on the main street and then had priest of every religion bless it so that a person who thinks they have been effected by the curse can go to the fountain and splash the blessed water on themselves to cleanse the negative effects of a visit to that graveyard . I scared the kids well enough and then of course I took them not only to the little graveyard the next day . Too the Carrie gravestone that is actually there , but to the memorial fountain also so they can clean off the scare . Now lets suppose those kids tell that story to their nieces and nephews , and then those kids share it with their friends . One of those friends write a book about it , treating it as a true story to be investigated . Then an urban legend is formed and the locals have to start answering questions from visitors who read the book . It is an amazing wonder that humans have the ability to create and believe in things outside the realm of evidence . It has created an incredibly full world of Gods and Demons and angels and ghosts . Literature and film and legends and myths are all pert of that ability to abstractly think and create fiction . So is the basis of this film , The Conjuring It is the story of a legendary haunting investigated by a couple true life paranormal investigators in the early 1970s . There is also though a story behind the farm this family moved into and there is no shortage of people making money from the books written about the haunting . The basis for the film is the story of the Perron family , and what has become the Harrisville haunting . Buying an old estate with a storied past the family reported many classic haunting incidents . You can read all about it on the internet . Then the Warrens got involved , in the late 1960s ; they were paranormal investigators , husband and wife Ed and Lorraine Warren . Grifters , uh I mean ghost hunters and demonologists who made a living investigating believed haunting and writing and selling books about the cases they investigated for the family . This is where I have to really make an effort to let my disbelief go . Being a believer in realty and not the supernatural when I see the fantasy of the make believe being exploited for money in real life I get a bit pissed off . The Warrens in real life , exploited the people that they supposedly helped for material for books and the rights to make movies . They made money off the fantasies of others while those distressed people believed there really was a haunting . I acknowledge that this is my hangup about what I see as taking advantage of people so for this film I have to let that go . It will in no way change the fact that this is a well made horror film with some really good scares in it . It in this case as with the case also investigated by the Warrens , that became the Amittyville Horror investigation and movie , the family members involved also benefited financially through books sales about their haunting . The consumers of these books end up getting what they want entertainment and some reinforcement of their belief in the supernatural . My nonbeliever mind needs to let go of its notion that this is exploitative . The film written by veteran writing team Chad and Carey Hayes and directed by James Wan is a really well put together film with solid acting and some wonderfully chilling moments . Wan an up and comer off his work in the Saw franchise and the two Insidious films does a very competent job at the helm . His use of reflection and jump scare , low angle shots , flashes of horror imagery and shadow are excellent in creating a mood that infiltrates this horror film . The film starts out in a fantasy world where haunting is real and demons attach to and torment people because they exist . A smart way to start and we never leave this world . Never does anyone question whether any of this is imagined , it is a story of and about believers and because they never waver in this during presentation the film really works . There is never a doubt about whether the family is being exploited . Ed Warren ( Patrick Wilson ) believes what he is doing , Lorraine Warren ( Vera Farmiga ) is a clairvoyant and everything she sees is real within the scope of this story . The demon tormenting the Perron family is real and the experiences they have through the story are always true to the world of the film . So with disbelief properly suspended I really got to enjoy this world . The slow build from has all the elements we need in a horror film . The dog refusing to enter the new house . Finding the hidden cellar behind a closet . April discovering the old toy down at the big old creepy tree . Bruises developing on Mother Carolyn Perron ( Lili Taylor ) . Finding the dog dead . The introduction of the clapping hide and seek game and then later a scary incident while playing it . The incidents and mood of the film grow as the film progresses making it scrarier and scarier . When we get to some of the strong scares we are fully engrossed . The first is the wonderful leg pull to someone behind the door scene , it makes your hair stand on end . A sequence where the daughter Christine ( Joey King ) is awoken by something pulling her by the leg enough to wake her up . Then there is the looking over the edge of the bed to create tension , upping the ante a bit she looks under the bed to see if someone is hiding there . While doing so she notices the room door moving by itself . Is someone behind the door ? She thinks she sees someone and wakes her older sister Nancy ( Hayley Mcfarland ) who gets up thinking her sister might be hallucinating and investigates . She is sure there is no one there even though no one is there . The jump scare to end the scene is great . It is never seen whether something is actually there or whether Christine is imagining it . She is comforted while we get the growing sense that something is not right . With a film like this the occurrences must build on each other to the point where the family seeks help . This certainly happens here . Switching between the growing trauma in the house and the story of the Warrens Wan releases anxiety in the audience while adding background and depth to the characters . Not wanting to describe each of the escalating events the family experiences lets just say that this is a film you should experience and not read about . There are probably four separate occasions where I had physical reactions to the scares on the screen and this does not happen often to this veteran of horror . In fact the incident with the oldest daughter Andrea ( Shanley Caswell ) and her sleep walking sister still give me a chill each time I watch it and I have seen it five times . In desperation Carolyn seeks out the Warrens who are immediately worried when they enter the house . Lorraine sees the spirits in the house and feels the evil , Ed is cautious acknowledging the toll his wife 's spiritual acuity has on her . Still they recognized that this family needs them and put together an investigatory team to study the haunting . It all builds to some really great effects driven moments that are wonderfully exciting for the viewer . When the final act begins we feel like we have been on a horror express train to Scareville and even though the outcome is predictable the ride is what this is all about and it is a fun ride . Overall though the acting is solid enough with Lili Taylor a good fit for Carolyn . Her husband a lesser role , Roger ( Ron Livingston ) is good at showing the powerlessness of a father who can 't protect his family from this supernatural force . The children had to either play or act scared and all did so adequately , from the above mentioned down to the other two , youngest April ( Kyla Deaver ) , sleepwalker Cindy ( Mackenzie Foy ) . Although Ed Warren played by Patrick Wilson came off a bit tight and stiff some of it was the writing . He provided most of the exposition about demons and how they are dealt with . He is the expert explaining to the audience so there is a certain authority he had to have to do so . They tried to soften his character in the scenes with his wife and daughter to counter this character need . The few added character helping the Warrens were developed just enough to have a stake in the film but don 't expect too much there . The third act of this film is really a great climax and one everyone reading this should experience . this is a well written and very well executed horror story that everyone should see . So get yourself together and see this film , it is very recommended by this blog . Now my little story in the begining of this entry may never go from story , to local oddity , to myth to investigated legend . It will probably never take root but a good story has power , power to excite , to scare , to create a life of its own . Many of the stories from the generation of the 1970s paranormal movement have rooted themselves in our pop culture who knows maybe someday Bethlehem NH will be a place where they take place for a new generation . Oculus ( 2014 ) - SERIOUS SPOILERS IN THIS ENTRY ! At twelve dollar a film I am often disappointed when I go to the theater . It could be picking the wrong films plays a part or it could be that most films are just mediocre . Most times though there sitting in the dark there is a sinking feeling that the film on the screen will be in a discount bin or queue in six months . It may be that theaters are so oriented towards big budget films that we just don 't see the creative independent films that blow our minds . Small venue viewing like the ones held at the Somerville Theater by All things Horror tend to be where I am seeing the cool stuff . The full priced theater tends to just leave me a bit empty an so it is always with reluctance that this is where I want to see a movie . An exception had to be made this week for Oculus by Mike Flanagan . ( I probably should have gone to see the Conjuring in theaters but never did . So with a bit of hope that my pattern would be broken my daughter and I ponied up our cache and headed in to see Oculus . Flanagan got a recommendation from this blog for his cool monster flick Absentia ( 2011 ) so I was really looking forward to see what he could do with a bigger budget . I thought at that time that this was a very creative film maker with potential and really the criticism I had for that first film was he just did not have the funds to make it as good as it could have been . This is not a problem with Oculus . I wanted to also see and write about this film before I started hearing and seeing reviews for it . I am sure I will probably pick up on many of the same things any reviewers will but I wanted to do this review clean before getting any ideas from anywhere else . Oculus is a very cleverly written film and the editing is even more clever . Shifting between the past and the present in such a fluid way it tells two tales at once centering around an antique mirror . Whether that mirror is haunted or not I will leave for later , the characters think it is and that is what matters for the plot . The film tells the story of sibling Kaylie and Tim Russell in the past and in the present . In the past we see the 12 year old Kaylie ( Annalise Basso ) and 10 year old Tim ( Garrett Ryan ) as they move into a new house with their parents Marie ( Katee Sackoff ) and Alan ( Rory Cochrane ) . Then things go horrible wrong in the house and Alan kills Marie and when going after the kids is killed by young Tim . In the present Tim ( Brenton Thwaites ) is released from mental health treatment at the age of 21 and is met by his sister Kaylie ( Karen Gillan ) . She over the years in foster care has grown into an obsessed young woman . Obsessed with the mirror she believes is the root of the past horrors . Having hunted it down and researched its history she is convinced it feeds on life . Killing plants around it , making pets vanish , and taking over the will of people around it to kill those they love . She has a plan to document and then destroy the mirror . Her brother having recognized through therapy all the ways the past could be misremembered is reluctant to help but family bonds are strong and soon the two are back in the house their parents died in and are playing out a plan . The writing in this film is very smart and I appreciated it . The scenes in the past are viewed from the point of view of the children . Traumatized by arguing parents who grow increasingly more dysfunctional we get to feel their pain as thing spiral out of control . Kaylie the older of the two sees a supernatural entity in the mirror in the fathers office and feels it is influencing him towards violence . Really the clever part is whether there is or isn 't anything other than fucked up parents and psychologically damaged children . Sure we see the other worldly beings as the audience but it is completely through the memories of the siblings . Having worked in mental health for many years it seems possible that it is Kaylie who is misremembering the past and that the trauma of the murders has created a psychotic break for her . This would explain her needs to deal with the mirror . Tim is a voice of reason trying to explain how things could have gotten confused but she is so determined that he seems to lose this argument . She is convince that therapy has brainwashed him into explaining all the magic away from what happened . He being influenced by her in the past easily falls under her spell again in adulthood . Playing with the line between real and unreal is such a strength of this film . The absolutely complicated system that Kaylie comes up with to fool the mirror and hopefully destroy it could be viewed as a bit crazy but she is so convincing in her evidence that we and the brother must at least hope for her sake that it has credence . If there is a weakness in the film it is the blatant setup for a sequel but considering how well done this film is I can only hope that the studio throws a bunch more money at Flanagan and he gets to do even more good work . This film is very much recommended by this blog . Go see it in theaters and hope for more . Aftershock ( 2012 ) Disaster Aftershock ( 2012 ) - A quick watch on a cloudy afternoon and maybe a very quick review also . Why ? Well sometimes there is not a lot you can say about a film . Sometime said film is so void of redemption that talking about it is really just wasting your time . Sometimes a film has so little consideration for its audience that the viewer does not want to give it any consideration in return . This is the case for this particular movie . Framed as a disaster film but crossing over into thriller and horror it is a fight for survival from both mother nature and from bad people taking advantage of an already bad situation . Unfortunately though the film does a lot of things that make it a vapid exercise in voyeurism with almost no reason to care for the characters we may want to pull for . The plot centers around three men , two Chileans Ariel ( Ariel Levy ) and Pollo ( Nicolas Martinez ) and an American called only Gringo ( Eli Roth ) who are out and about to show Gringo a good time while visiting Chile . Shallow men in their thirties who are only focused on getting laid they go from one club to another failing at their goal . Trying to make Gringo a more likable character with a scene of him talking to his daughter on the phone fails to elicit any good feeling . His friend Ariel is nondescript but trying to be a helpful wing man . Pollo the wealthy guy with the connections to get them into the clubs is a womanizer who is flitting through life without a care because of his father 's money . They are making a play for three women friends Monica ( Andrea Osvart ) , Irina ( Natasha Yarovenko ) and Kylie ( Lorenza Izzo ) . The main thing we want to note about these three is a bit of background concerning Monica and Kylie . Half sisters with the same Father there is a bit of sibling rivalry but also Kylie is a recovering drug addict and Monica the responsible one is traveling with her to try to keep her from slipping up . The scant back story is just enough to let the audience know these are the characters we should cheer for without giving enough information to actually care for them . They are the eye candy for the film and the damsels who will later be in distress . We get to see quite a bit of these people before the main events of the film start to know that they are not a very likable group . Superficial young people who have very few qualities to make us care if they live or die . Then the roller coaster ride begins and since the stage has been set we know who will be the final girl . The adventure starts with trying to get to the hospital on the hill . When this subplot is resolved we learn the prison in the city has broken and dangerous prisoners are rampaging the streets raping and killing . So onto the new plot of the dangerous prisoners raping and killing our main characters . Mixed in are some lost friends and close calls escaping just in time , and of course the titular aftershocks which drop things around and on the characters both benefiting and harming them . Some of what is written into the plot by Roth and Nicolas Lopez is harsh , the rest is mean spirited . Not that we want to pull for these characters but when they are in crisis most of the outcomes are a real " Fuck You " to the viewer . If you were hoping for anything positive you were a fool . When the daylight moment comes for the final girl , at least this viewer knew what her seeing the ocean meant . For that final scene I did wonder whether these pricks of film makers were cruel enough to pull the last dirty trick . There was no Maureen McGovern singing " There 's Got to be a Morning After " and the cruel intentions of the script stayed true until the end . Is that a unique surprise or is it just plain mean ? I would have to leans towards the later . In order to make it original we would really have to love these characters . That is not possible because the scenes where we got to know them showed them as American Assholes , Chilean spoiled rich kids and uptight mother hens . There is no reason to care when they are crushed under stone , raped and murdered or burned alive . True the final survivor is the best of the lot but you don 't really care if she lives or dies . Recommending this film is not really a possibility after a review like this . Sure anyone who is a die hard disaster film lover might get something out of it but this reviewer expects a lot more from this genre than these cheap tricks . Nurse 3D ( 2013 ) - Sometimes advertising is a real influence in getting people to watch a film , Nurse 3D has some really great poster art and with it came my choice to watch the film . I really wish the film was half as good as the posters , but it is not . What it is at heart is a story of a psychopath damaged as a child by the so overly predictable trauma of seeing her Dad fucking someone other than her Mother . This trauma follows her into adulthood where she works as a nurse and on the side uses her ample assets to lure married men into cheating and then doling out punishment for being so weak . The film could be an homage to movies past but I don 't think from listening to the director , writer Douglas Aarniokoski 's commentary that this idea was in his head at all . He was trying to make a sexy , crazy thriller that he thought was cool . In fact he cared a lot more about the shots in the film more than whether the story was original . Maybe I am being a bit harsh off the top of my head I can only think of one film with a similar traumatic event , Silent Night , Deadly Night . Still the film just does not feel very original . It could be that there are some things that are small that seemed to be played over the top and I just didn 't like . Later in the film when we get the flash back to the damaging events , they just did not seem that traumatizing . The fact that the killer as a child does something horrible in a tense situation between her parents I suppose is suppose to carry the idea into her adulthood but that seemed a stretch . There is also a real lack of subtext here . . There could have been social commentary about the objectification of women but for all of the sexuality oozing through the film it really just says its a great tool for a serial killer . Abby ( Paz de la Huerta ) is a woman who punishes men for their infidelity but it is really not saying anything about infidelity because the character is so insane she takes the impact away . You really can 't pull for the killer even though the men are cheaters because the impact of their cheating is never seen . It also does not touch the question of the impacts of those deaths on the spouses and children left behind . It all is just a premise to have this serial killer go after men . The story is about a serial killer woman Abby posing as a nurse who has boundary problems and a need to punish men who cheat on their wives . She is off her rocker and it is not good for the people around her . Still the avenging angel of infidelity persona only lasts enough time to establish a motivation . The story being told is how she gets interested in fellow nurse young attractive , Danni ( Katrina Bowden ) , after a night out drinking together , whether Abby drugged her is probable , Danni wakes in Abby 's apartment embarrassed because she blacked out . In the strange voice over we hear Abby explain how the finger fucking of young Danni to orgasm and it was a great experience . Then the story is about the two women , Abby who feels slighted by the non responsive Danni start a plan of fucking with her life . Danni who just wants to forget the night comes to realize just how fucked up and dangerous Abby is . As she learns the about the psycho she also realizes that Abby is setting it up so that no one will believe her if she exposes the lunatic . Eventually thing unravel for Abby in a blood soaked rampage that is so unbelievable that the viewer is left mouth agape wondering why cops and security guards do not exist in this world . The first is the lead Paz de la Huerta who just seeps sexuality in this film . She plays the character so strangely that it is hard to believe a single person in the story 's reality would not find her creepy . She is so unreal and strange but everyone interacts with her like she is perfectly normal . The director too loves not only this character but the actress and spends a good deal of time making her look sultry . Slow motion walks with semi see through dresses , lace underwear , lots of cleavage all to make her hot and irresistible . Paz de la Huerta gives it her all and really plays a psycho really well but the character seems too bizarre not to have been found out long ago . Then on top of it the premise that she could just get a job at a hospital using someone 's identity seems pretty far fetched . She takes the name of the nurse who cared for her in a psychiatric ward and goes to work as a nurse . How ? Just how does that happen that she can replace a woman twice her age and no one finds her out . The actress does all with her acting skills to sell that Abby is a very damaged and emotionally unstable woman but flaws in the screenwriting makes it hard to believe . In fact there are several small things done for effect that really bothered me , like needles full of fluid being displayed that are way too big and used just for effect . In one scene we see Abby give a needle with about an ounce of fluid in it to a victim and later she describes it as 4cc . You would use a tiny little needle for that . In a scene where Abby is fucking a dead victim we see like twenty needles stuck all over his chest and stomach , so ridiculous that it takes away from the tension of the movie . Then there is the age thing , we have a back story for Abby where an orderly tells her story to Danni but he tells it as he was there , the actor though looks like he is the only a few years older than her , in order for her to be eight at the asylum that man should be at least 50 years old . Then there is the Danni shower scenes , who the hell showers in her underwear ? I understand if the actress does not want to do nudity . That can be respected but you do not have to shoot it so she is standing in the shower in full view with her panties on . How about just a shot of the head under the shower head or just cut out the lower half . Costar Bowden does a fine job as the new nurse who has her life turned upside down by Abby . She is vulnerable and then fights back with a strength that is admirable . I found myself wondering what else she was in and did not really remember her roles in other film . Seeing a lot of film makes it hard at times to place actors , but Bowden was in the very forgettable Piranha 3DD and in the recent comedy Movie 43 in the segment Super Hero Speed Dating . She holds her own here , if this film was meant to be a comedy , she would be the straight guy to de la Huerta 's clown . Maybe this is a comedy and I just did not get the humor ? There are some smaller parts and cameos that should be noted here , Judd Nelson as Dr . Morris plays a great douche bag of an attending physician . In the end he gets what every harassing ass should get in a film about punishing the likes of his character . Then for one scene a quick appearance by Kathleen Turner who sounds like the smoking has finally caught up with her . Comedy actor Niecy Nash does a sassy black nurse character that is a stereotype of stereotypes but does it with the confidence to pull it off . All characters in this movie are substantiated only to drive the simple plot so are sort of wasted . Amazed by the final fight sequence that was so over the top that it leaves you wondering how the security at this hospital manages to get paid . Then the unbelievable scene where Abby strips and lays in a bed in a hospital room covered in blood from the destruction she has just done . When Danni and her boyfriend Steve ( Corbin Bleu ) come is they attend thinking she is another victim I shuddered at the stupidity . WTF she is totally recognizable ! This is a film that may be a lot of fun in a roomful of drinking buddies but fails as a serious horror film . There is certainly camp value here but not enough to get a recommendation in this blog . The sequel ready ending is enough to make this reviewer want to rip his beard out . Dust Devil ( 1992 ) - Horror Magic Psycho Dust Devil ( 1992 ) - I chose this film after listening to director Adrian Garcia Bogliano 's commentary on his film " Here Comes the Devil " . He says that this film is the film that made him become a film maker . It certainly a film like no other I have seen . What Richard Stanley 's demon serial killer Namibian epic is all about is style . Loosely based on a real life serial killer who hid in the outback of Namibia the story adds a legend of supernatural to make the film . Sweeping shots and saturated colors of reds and orange by Cinematographer Steven Chivers while amazing musical themes by Simon Boswell play through in what could be mistaken at times for a spaghetti western . The music is an amazing mix of classic Western style themes that really make the film more than a horror film . Stanley uses closeup , camera movement , expansive arid landscape , and helicopter shots to widen the breadth of the film . It is a very unique horror film that blurs the line of genre . I remember a conversation on the Splattercast podcast ( you all should be listening to this one ) talking about camera shots and movement and that every shot should have a purpose . So when you watch this film pay attention to the really cool moving shots . Are they really for a reason ? What are the effects on the viewer when these shots are shown ? Since this film is very stylized it is an interesting example to talk about this area of film making . My background being more in the studying screen writing generally leaves me at a loss to answer whether this film is shot well . It certainly looks good to me but I don 't know the answer . A story of a demon made man who kills and uses " body magic " to attempt to leave the earthly plane after generations of wandering and building the power of his rituals through murder and mutilation . Looking to do enough magic to escape the human plane the Demon is drawn to people contemplating suicide and so he finds our main character Wendy Robinson ( Chelsea Field ) . She is a woman escaping a failing relationship with her paranoid and abusive husband Mark ( Rufus Swart ) she heads west towards the sea and to her inevitable meeting with the Dust Devil . Dated by its political setting the film touches the very real conditions of the country at the time of shooting . Set in the arid sand filled wastes of Namibia just a couple years after it had won its freedom form South Africa . ( 1990 ) We follow the wanderings of the Dust Devil ( Robert John Burke ) a serial killing demon who victimizes strangers for his cut and dice magic which uses placement of body parts and blood drawings to move the demon ever closer to escaping this plane of existence . There are many examples in the film that give away the political conditions during filming . The tension between the white and black police officers , where the whites more and more are being moved out and black africans are taking the lead . Little thing that are more subtle like in a bar in the country side where segregation is the rule . The pinball machine which was on the white side is taken during the film andthen resides on the black side of the bar . Countering this malicious spirit made man is Ben Mukurob ( Zakes Mokae ) a former military commander who fought for the wrong side in the revolution but now a police officer with the experience to track the Dust Devil . Seeing the hideous remains of his magic Ben struggles with the idea of magic but can not deny that the killer believes . Haunted by a past that not only cost him his standing but also lost him his wife and son fifteen years before he is a man looking to move on who can 't . Ben has the skill to catch this serial killer but to do it he will have to let go of the reality he knows for magic in front of his eyes . Wendy is an interesting character in that she is both strong but also contemplating suicide those feelings though are what attracts the Dust Devil . Her journey is one of discovering the strength to go on living . She goes from abused wife to strong fighter who does not need anyone else to thrive . The film is a complex one with several strands that the direct manages to weave into a very enjoyable experience . The experience though may be trying to do a bit too much . There is a " let me tell you a tale " voice over that although adds something to the story could probably been excluded without hurting the story . The same thing can be said for the husband Mark , when Wendy left him he had served his purpose and although the metaphor of walking past him in the end of the film is effective to show the growth of the character it ultimately is a bit too on the nose and unnecessary . The pacing is slower than some horror and definitely slower than modern horror but growing up in the seventies I sort of like that . Certainly I will recommend this film it is above the average and a wonderful mix of magic Western and serial killer . Hell I have now watch the film four time and each time I have enjoyed the viewing and gotten a bit more depth from it . So for sure add this to your viewing list . Skinned Alive ( 1990 ) - . Its a simple setup for a very simple film . Tempe DVD is still in business and still selling some wonderfully horrible trash films . This one is horrible but not wonderful and really difficult to get through . What do you expect for a film made for $ 18k ? A family of psychopaths travel the country looking for victims to kill , skin and make leather products out of . Could be an interesting set up but the script written by director Jon Killough is a horror comedy lacking both horror and comedy . The primary problem is the cast that just yells at each other in every scene and swears constantly . Playing completely over the top might have seemed like a good idea at the time this feature was made but it really has not aged well . We have a family of killers here , Crawldaddy ( Mary Jackson ) the Mom is the handicapped matriarch with two adult children , Phink ( Scott Spiegel ) and Violet ( Susan Rothacker ) who drive around killing people and then skinning them . The chaos of what they do is not in their actions but more in their interactions with each other . Shouting , cursing and general low brow behavior makes the film almost unwatchable . There is a bit of a storyline when they settle into a neighborhood after their van breaks down . They are invited by the locals Paul ( Floyd Ewing Jr . ) and Louise ( Jennifer Mullen ) to stay with them , contrasting the trusting locals with the traveling assholes . There is some killing and then stupidly not getting rid of the bodies , so the risk of getting caught but there is a problem with this set up . The locals are way too simple to get these people are jerk offs and family of killers are way too unlikable to care if they get caught . You sort of want them to get caught just to shut them up . The sort of one reasonable character is the neighbor Tom ( Lester Clark ) a former cop with a powerful gun . When the shit hits the fan he lets the human leather making family have it and its the one thing that we can cheer about in the film . All and all though this is not a fil I can remotely recommend . Its on you if you need to make yourself suffer through it .
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Stacey at Magnum Momma posted this festive meme along with some wonderful photos of the cutest kid in the world . So I copied the meme and you 'll have to visit her blog to see the pictures . And , yes , there are a hundred other things I should be doing , but who 's counting ? 1 . Wrapping paper or gift bags ? I wrap until I 'm sick of it . Then I pull out the bags . 2 . Real tree or Artificial ? Artificial . I have a closet full of decorations , enough to do five trees with different themes . 3 . When do you put up the tree ? This year , it was the 12th . And I 've only turned the lights on once . We have a family progressive party each year to see the different trees . Mine was off limits because I didn 't even have time to get the boxes off the floor . 4 . When do you take the tree down ? New Year 's Day5 . Do you like Egg Nog ? Of course , it 's fattening , isn 't it ? 6 . Favorite gift received as a child ? A stuffed kitten . I always loved soft , furry things . 7 . Hardest person to buy for ? Jordan and Stacey . They always have to tell me exactly what to get because I never have a clue . 8 . Easiest person to buy for ? Myself . Now there 's a gift that is always appreciated and loved . 9 . Do you have a nativity scene ? Yes , I think I have twelve . This year , I 've put up a set made from corn husksthat Cassie gave me last year ( it 's amazing ) , a Jim Shore set ( also from Cassie and also amazing ) , and a Willa Rae set ( I just love those homely faces ) . 10 . Mail or email Christmas cards ? Neither . My computer is too slow for email and I 'm too slow for snail mail . 11 . Worst / Funniest Christmas gift you ever received ? Funniest - The year I bought myself the Willow Tree nativity set and one for my mother also . Then I found out that she had bought herself the set . I complained about that all month . So I was pretty embarrassed when my daughter gave me a set for Christmas . No wonder , she wasn 't very sympathetic about my complaints . I can 't think of a worst which is a good thing . 12 . Favorite Christmas Movie ? " White Christmas " I never fail to get tears in my eyes when the general Posted by I 've been doing so well with my monthly journals but nearly blew it with November . December is such a crazy month that I 've almost forgotten what I did last month . I 'll just have to do the best I can : 14th - 16th I traveled to Salt Lake and spent time with my kids and grandson . Lincoln is endlessly entertaining with his Incredible Hulk imitation and just being himself . 18th The ward had a Thanksgiving dinner complete with turkey and stuffing . I went , I ate , I left . I usually stay and help wash dishes but my feet hurt and DWTS was on . Sad , huh ? 22nd I went to the matinee showing of " Twilight " with Lisa Labrum . She loved it ; and I thought it was okay . Some of the characters were spot on like Charlie , Alice , Carlisle and James , but Edward was too pale with too - red lips . I know he 's a vampire but none of the rest of the vampires looked quite as odd . But overall , I enjoyed and will probably watch it again now that I 've seen Edward and can live with the disappointment . 26th - 30th I took time off to get ready for Thanksgiving . Cassie came home and I got to spend lots of time with her . She 's great company . Julie also stayed at my house which was fun too . Of course , I went to bed while they were still playing games at Mom 's and they got out of bed hours after me . Thanksgiving dinner was a Mom 's as usual ; and it was delicious as usual . Mark , Greg and Jenny Lou were here from Salt Lake ; and Julie and Susan from Cedar City . Plus Annie 's nephew from the Dominican . We played games : Dice , Hearts and Hand - and - Foot . Plus Kevin 's Wii . What a crack - up watching everyone golf and bowl . 28th Julie , Cassie and I went and saw " Australia . " I enjoyed it as well . What 's not to enjoy . Nicole Kidman is a great actress and Hugh Jackman is excellent eye candy . I swear when he walks into the ballroom there was a collective female gasp in that theater . Work I barely made my goals this month . It 's the worst month I 've had all year . Things are slowing down a little in Vernal what with oil prices so low and uncertainty over the new administration . It doesPosted by Alice CullenYou are Alice Cullen . Your ability to foresee danger and misfortune doesn 't diminish your bubbly optimism . You are a force to be reckoned with - - anybody with enough sense knows , you never bet against Alice . Twilight Test from Dumb Spot ! It 's true . I am a Twilightee . Loved the first book , enjoyed the rest . Edward Cullen is too good to be true which is why I didn 't love him in the movie . How do you portray " too good to be true " ? Still the movie was a lot of fun . I loved the casting of Charlie , Alice and James . I like Robert Pattinson but surely there was a better looking guy to play Edward . Climbing the tree looked a little hokey , but the scene in the dance studio was fantastic . All in all , a great escape . Wow , October is over already . This month has really flown by , and the year is almost gone . How does that happen ? It has been a beautiful month , warm with a nice brisk chill some mornings . I 've been wearing my sweaters to work but mostly because I like to wear them . I did a lot of traveling this month so maybe that 's why it flew by so fast . Oct 4 & 5 - It was General Conference this weekend . I listened to some great talks and felt very uplifted as usual . My favorites were Joseph Wirthlin and Jeffrey Holland . They just made me feel good . Oct 4 - Brett and Angela came out to visit and watch GC with Mom . Everyone went to Mom 's to visit and play games , mostly Dice , I think . Oct 15 - Attended a training in Provo with other managers . It was called Coaching the Coach and was all about how to help the Service Manager coach the tellers better . As always , there was a sales focus but mostly we worked on ways to improve customer service and customer perceptions . Pretty good stuff . Oct 16 - Attended the annual Central Utah Managers meeting . It was held at a beautiful cabin - type mansion up Hobble Creek Canyon near Springville . While most of the fall colors were faded , it was still a beautiful setting . Our morning breakout session lasted too long so we had to grab lunch and eat during another session . I felt bad I didn 't have a chance to walk around the outside of the home ( now owned by BYU ) and see the views . We got to meet the new Regional Banking President for our area . I think he 's going to make a lot of changes . Have mercy . After the meeting , I drove to Salt Lake and met up with Mark and Susan and had dinner . I finally got to see Jason and Rachel 's new baby , Robert Brent . He is so cute . Oct 17 - Susan , Mark and I drove up Mill Creek Canyon to do some hiking . We planned to go to the top of the canyon but the road was iced over and very treacherous . We ended going on a hike farther down the canyon . It was pretty steep and I didn 't make it to the top even though I went farther than I thought I could . My feet have still not recoverePosted by Alyson tagged me for this post . You take the 4th picture in your 4th file and post it . How easy is that ? I had to count out files that were copies of pictures taken by others ; but this is what I ended up with . I took this picture early on a Sunday morning in April 2006 . It was a surprise snow storm . I liked the way the rising sun lit up that hill to the west . Later that afternoon I took another picture from about the same angle because everything looked so different . September is such a great month . Summer is almost over and there is a nip in the air . At least , there should be , but it 's been pretty hot these days . But the nights are cooler . The leaves are starting to turn . I love fall . Here 's what I did this month : Sept 1 thru 8 - I was traveling ! ! ! ! YAY This is the week I went on a cruise to New Brunswick , Nova Scotia and Maine with Cassie and Julie . I did a post on the trip earlier so I won 't say any more . Sept 11 - Lincoln turned one today . I think it should be a national holiday . Because of Lincoln and the World Trade Center attacks . It will always be a memorable day for me . I remember exactly where I was when I first about the towers ( sitting in my car before going to work , listening to the radio ) and exactly where I was when I heard about Lincoln being born . ( shopping in Walmart when Jordan called me on my cell phone . ) Sept 13 - I have not traveled enough this month so I drive back to Salt Lake for Lincoln 's birthday party . Stacey had the best pizza for dinner and , of course , we had cake and ice cream . It was fun watching Lincoln with his cousins , Carter and Collin ; and another friend , Seneca . Cassie and I represented Jordan 's family and Stacey 's parents , brother and sister - in - law ; sister and friend ; and Seneca 's friends were all there . It was fun . I think Lincoln 's favorite present was a big gift bag that he carried all over the house . Well , that 's about it . The rest of the month I spent reading and watching TV . It took me four weeks to finally get everything unpacked and the luggage put away . Books Read Coraline by Neil Gaiman . Gaiman has a odd imagination . This book is geared toward younger readers . The illustrations and prose are creepy and great for the R . I . P Challenge . The Monster of Templeton by Lauren Groff . This is another audio book about a fictional version of Cooperstown , New York . It was pretty good , but not great . The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield . A lot of other blogers really loved this book but I was less impressed . Again good , but not great . I 'm anxious to see how Cassie likes it . The Santa Letters by Stacy Gooch - Anderson . Tristi Pinkston asked me to participate in a blog tour for this book and I jumped right in . I mean , I got a free Christmas book . The cover is beautiful . Stacy is LDS and the book is easily recognizable as Mormon to other Mormons , but the message is pretty non - denominational . It 's a little sappy , but I like that in a Christmas book . I like the message and it made me laugh and cry . The Castle of Otranto by Horace Walpole . Published in 1765 , this book is considered the first of the gothic genre . I thought it was hilarious , it was so over the top and there were somany stereotypes . Wow , that 's ten books . I also finished five challenges although I have posted on all of them . I joined one that ends on Halloween , reading creepy , gothic and mysterious novels . I 've read four but I want to read a couple more . I 'm currently reading The Book of Lost Things by John Connolly . MoviesI bought Penelope but haven 't watched it yet . I did watch The Great Debaters on DVD . It is a fantastic movie . I also watched a jackie Chan movie on the flight from DC to Phoenix but I can 't remember what it is called . TVDancing with the Stars started on the 22nd . My early favorite is Brooke Burke . Gray 's Anatomy also started a new season on the 25th . I swear if Meredith starts second - guessing herself again , I 'm going to scream . Overall ImpressionI 've always liked September . It 's the start of school , high school football games , ( just memories , I don 't go any more ) , leaves starting to change and beautiful days . Mmmmm , fall . Father & Son at Lincoln 's birthday party I can 't believe that Lincoln is a year old . Where did the time go ? And his father , Jordan , was born twenty - eight years ago . Yes , time really does fly . I love these two pictures with their bony baby butts . It is amazing how much my grandson looks like his dad did when he was brand new . Here they are a year later . Obviously , they both like cake . Lincoln looked so much like Jordan when he was first born , but now he doesn 't so much . His head is shaped differently . I wish I had some one - year - old pictures of Stacey to add to the comparison . Watching Lincoln at his birthday party , I saw some of his expressions that really reminded me of his dad , but he is definitely starting to look a lot like his mom also . It 's pretty fascinating to see the wonder of a baby growing up and taking after each of his parents . I can 't even imagine life without him and it 's only been a year . A few high points this year is watching Lincoln learning to roll , crawl and now HE WALKS ! He 's a genius . I don 't know if he still does it , but a few months ago , Lincoln trilled and rolled his tongue . He has the cutest expressions which just crack me up . Lincoln doesn 't cry a lot but when he does , it 's kind of scary . He has this deep growling cry . It 's really more funny than scary . And he loves books , what more could I ask for ? Posted by What could be a better than a cruise in the Northeast , someone else making your beds and turning them down each night , towel animals on the bed , all the food you could possible eat ( and more ) lots of rain and fog , and the tail end of a hurricane ? Actually , it was a great trip ( thanks , Dramamine ) . We saw some beautiful things and missed others . Laughed a lot , ate a lot , spent a lot of money , spent a lot of time in airports . Yeah , it was great . Here is a picture of our lovely ship taken from Bar Harbor ( Baa Haa Baa ) . Bar Harbor was our last stop . This is where the cruise balled up . We had to go through immigration before taking a tender to shore . Everyone on board lined up to go through and it took forever . So half our excursion was cancelled , but we still took a bus to the top of Cadillac Mountain where you can see the entire island . At least you could if it wasn 't engulfed in fog . Even so this was a fun stop . Bar Harbor is picturesque and the harbor was beautiful when the fog burned off . Julie even got sunburned a couple hours after this picture was taken . There were lots of shops and a village green , just too many people . But that was the case wherever we went . With the exception of Hailfax , these are smaller towns that just got inundated with 1700 people . Since I 've done this completely out of order , maybe I 'll go back and do a day - by - day run down . August 30 - Left Salt Lake at 3 : 00 after spending the morning with Lincoln . We flew to Phoenix and spent the next five hours in that airport . Next stop - Charlotte , NC . We reached Boston Sunday morning and boarded the ship . ( Cassie looks like a movie star , doesn 't she ? ) We were late for a barbecue on the top deck that evening and almost had to beg for food . They were pulling dishes right out from under our grasp . Not a good omen , but the food and service improved vastly as the cruise continued . September 1 - Landed in St . John , New Brunswick . The best greeting ever . There must have been twenty people handing women from the ship roses and the men got pins . We took a buPosted by This is the month that I spent a lot of money . I ordered a bunch of clothes online to wear on my trip . Most of those got returned . I bought cameras , TV , shoes , and just general stuff . You know , spending money is really fun . But here 's a general report of noteworthy happenings . 1st - I attended the bank 's Recognition Event in Provo . It was held at the Elk 's Lodge and I stayed at the Marriott . I love sleeping in hotels ; nice firm bed , lots of channels on the TV , alone time . The event itself was fun . I was late and didn 't get to scope out the prizes which really didn 't matter in the end . My name was called about halfway through and all the prizes I had been hoping for were gone . But I did select a very nice set of luggage : brown flowery brocade design . Just the thing for cruise . ( Stay tuned to learn how it fared on the trip . Details in a future post ) 2nd - I got up early which is hard when you 're sleeping in a comfy hotel bed and it 's Saturday morning , but I needed to get back to Vernal for the Petersen Family Reunion . I made it just in time to say goodby to Uncle Donald and Aunt Eleanor and Cousin Eldon . The rest of the morning and early afternoon were spent mostly playing dice and visiting . It was a nice day with a light breeze cooling things off occasionally . I have a great family and it was fun to spend time with them . 12th - Went visiting teaching . I know this shouldn 't be that noteworthy , but it is the first time in eight months that my partner went with me . She is the same age as my daughter but really fun ; and we had a good time . She 's a busy girl so I 'm glad we were able to finally go out together . 13th - Saw the movie " Mama Mia " with my high school friends . If you went to high school in the 70 's , I recommend going to this movie with similar age friends . Some of the references were hilarious and the music was great . Except when Pierce Brosnan sang and then it was just hilarious . I was telling someone about it today ( a month later ) and starting cracking up again . Very entertaining . 30th - 31st - Drove to Salt LakFramed As many of you know , I 'm getting ready to go on a cruise in New England in September . I didn 't want to take my old Minolta camera since its picture quality has really declined . A small pocket camera would be nice to not weigh me down , but which one ? ? The bank had a recognition event in which they gave away 100 prizes which included two small Kodaks and two small Samsungs and a Nikon D40 ( not a pocket camera at all ) . Well , I didn 't win any of those ; I got a great set of luggage which was perfect . One of my tellers won the Nikon and brought it to work to show off . I could see it was way too big and complicated for me , but what should I get . I spent every evening the next week researching cameras . I looked at Sonys , Olympuses . Nikons , Casios , and Canons . I read the reviews and the product specifications and the sizes . I wanted to use the same batteries I already owned ( rechargeable AA ) and the SD memory cards . Then I read that I should actually hold the cameras in my hand to see how each one felt . Well , I live in a small town , but I drove up to Inkleys and tried out their small selection ; and almost bought a Canon A580 . A nice small camera which also had a view finder . Sony and Canon were the only ones who have that . I also found I didn 't want a really big camera . More research showed the Canon has a really slow shutter speed . That nixed it for me because it is one of the problems I have with my Minolta . Actually , I was pretty tired of doing research so this is what I ended up with . Panasonic Lumix LZ10 A 10 . 1 megapixel with a 5x optical zoom . It 's small but has a nice little grip on the right side so it won 't slide out of my hands like the other pocket cameras felt like they would do . It takes an SD card and AA batteries and has a fast shutter speed . But I didn 't stop there , oh no . . . I bought a Panasonic Lumix FZ18What can I say ? I 'm a sucker for zoom and this one has an 18x zoom , plus 8 . 1 megapixels . And it is the same size as my Minolta which is manageable for me . It does take different batteries , so I bought twPosted by What can I say about July . It was hot , hot , hot . We got seven drops of rain and it is crazy dry . Cassie , Jordan , Stacey and Lincoln all came to visit for the Fourth . We had a lot of fun watching Lincoln crawling . He made the craziest face when the pink signal showed up on the TV after a DVD finished . Yes , he is certainly the most amusing human being on the face of the plant . I found that he does not like to be in the grass . But he could only hold one leg up and he never put in down . So cute . On the night of the Fourth , we went to Cheya and Myke 's annual picnic . Good food as always and lots of people . Cheya had people posing with her crocheted hats that she is selling online . Finally we took Lincoln up to the park to see the fireworks . It 's fun to watch there because you are so close to them . Lincoln was fascinated with the lights and noise . Until he got sleepy , of course . It was fun watching him . It was also fun watching his parents ooh and aah to him . It 's hard to believe my son is a father , but he and Stacey are great parents . The only other highlight this month was going to Salt Lake to babysit Lincoln on the 18th . He is crawling even faster , standing up and making all kinds of funny faces and noises . I was totally worn out but it was so worth it . I 've noticed a trend in my monthly reportings . They seem to revolve around the baby . It is his first year , maybe he won 't so cute next year . Yeah , right . The rest of the month seemed to revolve around work , church and going to the temple . Of course , I read , blog , and watch TV . BooksI read or listened to eight books and joined one more challenge . I mooched five more books and bought ten from Amazon . My favorite was The Valley of Light by Terry Kay . One of my mooched books was written by him . I am currently reading Niagra by Pierre Berton . It 's a chunkster that I am reading for the Canadian Challenge , plus it is non - fiction . Very interesting , but long . MoviesI bought five DVDs of which I watched one : " Definitely , Maybe . " It was cute . TVThe Batchelorette is over , She chose Framed Absolutely nothing happened in June . Well , that 's not quite true . Cassie came and visited me on the 21st & 22nd . Or was it the week before ? ? Whatever . It 's always wonderful to have her home even for a short time . She turned 26 on the 23rd . How did my baby girl get to be 26 ? ? I 'm only 24 . I gave my first lesson in Relief Society on the 22nd since being recalled as a teacher . It felt good to be doing that again . And my branch met its goals for the quarter ! ! ! In fact , I get to go to the recognition event in Provo on August 1 along with four of my staff . They are giving away lots of prizes ( flat - screen TV , cameras , IPods , laptop , etc ) . Some prizes are lame so I hope I win something cool . ReadingFinished three challenges and joined one . I might be catching up . I love the way challenges stretch me by making me read books I might never even look at . Sometimes that is good and sometimes not so good . Books ReadMurder on a Girl 's Night Out , rated 3 . 75 mysteryToo Soon to Say Goodbye , rated 3 memoirThe Fireman 's Fair , rated 4 . 25 fictionLaw of Attraction , rated 2 . 5 non - fictionConsequences , rated 3 fiction on CDThe Prizewinner of Defiance , Ohio , rated 4 . 5 non - fictionThe Fatal Shore , rated 3 . 5 non - fictionFar World - I haven 't written my review or rated this one but it was really good . I 'm writing a review for a blog tour for the author . fantasyIt was a pretty lackluster month for reading , especially since The Fatal Shore took me two weeks to read . It 's huge and has small print and is about the penal colonies that first settled Australia . I mooched ten books but gave away thirteen so I should be getting ahead except I bought four used books from Amazon . YIKES ! ! But The Fatal Shore was one I mooched away and that should count as three books . : ) MoviesPrince Caspian - This is the movie Cassie and I went to at the theater . I liked it better than the first Narnia movie . The prince is very nice looking . 27 Dresses - DVDThe Importance of Being Earnest - DVDI joined the Disney Club and got some great DVDs . Most are classics ( Summer Magic , Posted by What on earth happened to May ? ? And where was I all month ? These are the kind of questions that are slowly driving me insane , but crazy is cute , right ? Here 's what my feeble brain can recall : May 3rd : I posted my first review that an author has asked me to do . That was kind of fun and kind of scary . I really like Tristi Pinkston ( she 's a blogging buddy ) and I was worried about not liking her book . But it was very good , so no problem . The book , Season of Sacrifice , was based on her great - grandmother 's journal and details a grueling trek across southern Utah and her family 's foray into polygamy . Here 's a link to my review . May 4th : I was released as Relief Society President . Wow , what a rush . People ask me if I feel sad . Ummm , NO . I love the sisters in Relief Society and I can still feel that without being in charge . In fact , it 's easier to feel that . Jean Beynon is the new president , she 'll be wonderful . It 's funny , she seems just as insecure as I was . . . even after two plus years . Maralee Richens is the first counselor . She was my compassionate service leader and , boy , did I appreciate her . Julie Justice is the second counselor . ( It 's a month later and she still hasn 't been released as the Stake Young Women 's President . Poor girl ) Barbara Smuin is the secretary . She was my secretary also , the second counselor in the previous presidency and the secretary in the one before that and before that , she was the stake Relief Society secretary . I 'd feel bad for her but she loves it and I know how indispensable she was for me . May 11th : Mothers Day . This is usually a crappy day for me , but now I 'm a grandma so life is wonderful . Besides , I 've learned not to beat myself up for not being a perfect mother . My kids are wonderful in spite of me . May 13th : Went to see National Treasure 2 with some friends from work , Lisa , Grace , Jenn and Julie . We got a party for hitting our goals in March and everyone voted to go to the movie . Unfortunately , only five of us went so the bank bought our tickets and treats and then I bought pizza foPosted by April , the month of sunshine , showers and silly jokes . Well , that didn 't pan out , so what did happen last month ? 5th & 6th General Conference . This was President Monsen 's first conference as prophet . It amazed me to see how he seem to assume the mantle more each session . The solemn assembly on Saturday mornig was absolutely inspiring to watch and take part in . And the smile on President Uchtdorf 's face as he conducted was so warming . Great talks and a wonderful spirit . 9th Our ward held his annual auction to raise money for Scouts and Young Women 's Camp . It had a phenomenal turnout . I spent most of the night in the kitchen cooking and serving hot dogs so that probably saved me some money . I did get to watch a 22 - year - old bid $ 200 for a quilt . I wonder if having his girlfriend watching adoringly had anything to do with that . The auctioneer even gave me credit for making one of the quilts . Quit laughing . 11th thru 13th Mom and I went to Salt Lake and Brigham City . Read the next post down for more on this trip . 23rd I started working in the temple as an ordinance worker . This calling stressed me out , but once I got there and went on a session , I knew I was truly being blessed . At least once a week , I will be feeling some peace and a calm spirit . 28th thru 1st Wayne and Susan came from Virginia for a visit . Bret is graduating at the U on Friday . 30th It snowed for crying out loud . Reading I read thirteen books last month . Peter Pan was my favorite . Finished one challenge and joined two more . I may need therapy . The review for one book , Season of Sacrifice , won 't be posted until May 3rd as part of Tristi Pinkston 's virtual book tour . I also agreed to review a YA fantasy book for another author , J Scott Savage , next summer . As part of that review , I get to do an interview . So take a look at the Farworld Blog Tour and tell me what you would like to know about this author and his books . Thinking of good questions is the hard part . I just started reading Persuasion by Jane Austen . Movies watched Dan in Real LifeWhat 's on the tuPosted by Friday morning , Mom and I drove out to Salt Lake because we were going to Cousin 's Parties in Brigham City the next day . We were hoping to take Cheya with us , but it seems she has caught the bug that has afflicted the rest of her family this last month . ( Bug seems like such a petty word for this nasty illness . ) It was too bad , because both Mom and I got really sleepy on the way out even though we were listening to a book on CD , The Fallen Man by Tony Hillerman . ( See review on Framed and Booked blog ) I know Cheya would have kept the conversation going enough to keep us both awake . We stopped at the outlet mall in Park City and Mom was able to find herself a really cute dress and jacket . I bought a jacket as well . Then we headed into the city and stopped at Fashion Place Mall since we were planning on eating at The Cheese Cake Factory that evening . More shopping , more fun . Susan soon joined us , then Jordan , Stacey , and Lincoln . I bought him a cute outfit that looked just something his dad would wear . Except for the hat , I don 't believe I 've ever seen Jordan in a hat like that . Greg stopped at the restaurant and learned it would be a two hour wait for our party , so we bagged that idea , found Mark , Scott and Cassie outside the mall and headed over to Macaroni Grill . I must put a plug in for that place . Their service is impeccable . Our waiter was so good , except for maybe drink refills , but it was very busy . One of Stacey 's ravioli 's was empty , they replaced it and the manager came out to apologize and took care of the drink refills . I had the Chicken Tuscano soup and it was to die for . ( Cream based with parmesan gnocci , tomatoes , spinach , mushrooms , mmmm ) Lincoln was incredibly entertaining . I mean look at this face . He is such a good , happy baby besides beinghilarious . I think I only heard him cry once this weekend and that was at bedtime . I love him . If you want to read more about Lincoln and his family , click here . After dinner , we visited Greg and Jenny Lou 's place . They have a fun dog named Apache , and Jenny LouFramed March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb . Whatever . Still I can actually believe spring may be coming . I hope I don 't miss it in the mad dash to summer that we usually experience here in Vernal . Here 's what happened : March 5 : Went to dinner with three high school friends , Nikki , Judy and Julie . Julie had just had another surgery on her foot and had the photos to show all her new hardware . I guess I am very fortunate . March 15 : Mom and I traveled to Salt Lake , picked up Greg and went on to Kaysville for my Aunt Mary 's funeral . Mary was my dad 's older sister and I hadn 't seen her for a number of years . The funeral was very nice and it was great to renew acquaintances with any number of cousins : Brent , Arlene , Scott , Clair , and Inez are Mary 's children . I also saw Roxanne , Becky , Alwyn , Mike and Joe who are Aunt Edna 's kids . Mother was amazing as always with her memory of who married who and what their kids names are , etc . Scott pointed out a cowboy etching on the joint headstone for Mary and Vene . This etching was used to head Uncle Vene 's article that he wrote each week for the Vernal Express back in the late 40 's . I never knew he did that . It was a good family gathering and I 'm so glad Mom pressured me into going . March 18 : Relief Society Birthday Party . I did nothing for this event except take salad . The committee did a wonderful job . The food : soup , salad , rolls and cake & ice cream , was great . The cake was yellow cake with a raspberry jam center and white icing . I found out later that the jam was used to hold the cake together when it cracked . It tasted so good . We made fleece blankets for the Children 's Justice Center and put in an act of service we would do for whichever sister drew it out . I put in a car wash and Jill Espinoza drew it . I really need to go get her car and get it washed . I really need to wash my own car ! ! Then we watched a video of photos which Amber Meager had put together . There were a lot of tears shed as we saw photos of Shelly Slaugh who passed away last December ( her mom in mFramed Doing a monthly recap is one resolution I intend to keep . So far , I haven 't missed a month . Yay ! ! HighlightsFeb 1 - Decided to start my resolutions for the year : Eat healthy , read the Book of Mormon , and exercise regularly . Feb 4 - My 52nd birthday . We had german chocolate cake at work and I went to a movie with a friend . Thomas Monsen was announced as the next President of the church with Henry B . Eyring and Dieter F . Uchtdorf as counselors . Feb 6 - The local McDonalds reopened after being torn down and rebuilt over a space of five months . I have mixed feelings because it 's easier for me to avoid the other fast food places . But the owner is a friend so I went to the open house and it 's really a nice bulding : wall of water , fireplace , Playstation , a huge play tree . Now if I can just stay away . Feb 7 to 10 - Took a trip to Salt Lake to see my kids and grandson . Lincoln is so much bigger but even cuter . He is so fun to play with . He doesn 't just drool , he screws his little eyes shut and blows . What fun ? ? Anyway I had to buy him new toys , didn 't I ? We ate out at California Pizza Kitchen for my birthday and I got to babysit while Stacey and Jordan went to a movie . The next day , Cassie and I went shopping : JoAnns , Famous Footwear , Tai Pan , and Target . Then we ate out again and Cassie , Stacey and I went to a play at the Hale Theater , " Lend Me a Tenor . " We just barely made it but the seats were great and the play was fun . Cassie bought my ticket for my birthday . Isn 't she sweet ? The next day was time to head home . I got to visit with Alyson and Katie for a minute as we loaded Katie 's stuf into my car for the trip home . Katie has been living in Layton but decided to move home . It was a fun trip . I never even got sleepy since the conversation just flowed . Feb 17 - I had to talk in Sacrament Meeting with one of the Stake Presidency . The topic was on service . Yikes . Feb 19 - Relief Society Book Review . There were just two of us there so we only discussed the book , " Drawing on the Powers of Heaven " for a minute . Besides , my copy Framed Following Alyson and Cheya 's examples , I am going to try to recap each month this year . Hopefully , it will help me be better at my journaling efforts . Unfortunately , January was a pretty boring month for me . But I 'll try : Highlights : Jan 3 : The bank set goals for each branch to meet on this day and earn a lunch for the employees . We made our goal ! ! ! January is off ot a great start . Jan 6 : Visiting Teaching Workshop . How amazing to get visiting teaching all set for the year on the very first Sunday . The lesson went well , lots of comments were shared ; and a spiritual testimony meeting ended the workshop . Jan 22 : Received eight packages in the mail containing 15 books , 2 DVD 's and 2 CD 's . What fun . Jan 27 : A dear sister in the ward , Donna Stewart , passed away just six hours before President Hinckley . This was a great day to celebrate the lives of two wonderful people . Jan 30 : Annual birthday lunch with Mom , Cheya , Myke and Verona at JB 's . Jan 31 : For the first time ever , my branch met the special January goals set by upper management . Good thing we reached the goals early because the last four days of the year were deadly slow and boring . Next year 's goals will be murder , but I 'm basking in the glory now . Plus we receive an extra bonus . Yippee . Books read : Airborn by Kenneth OppelMarley and Me by John GroganSeven Lies by James LasdunThe Hundredth Man by Jack KerleyMercy Among the Children by David Adam RichardsEight Cousins by Louisa May AlcottRose in Bloom by Louisa May AlcottBelow the Salt by Thomas CostainNothing to Regret by Tristi PinkstonOn the Night You Were Born by Nancy TillmanFive Children and It by E . NesbittSalamander by Thomas WhartonTwilight by Stephanie Meyer Movies WatchedHarry Potter and the Goblet of Fire ( DVD , saw it first in the theater ) Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix ( DVD , first time I 've seen it ) What 's on TVDance Wars - a new series that 's okay but not as fun as Dancing with the Stars . A bunch of reruns on Gray 's Anatomy . I missed the only one that wasn 't a rerun . With the writer 's strike , thFramed A friend e - mailed this site to me today . I don 't usually download these things because my computer is so slow , but this one didnt ' take too long . I thought it was hilarious . Check it out . http : / / www . chumfm . com / MorningShow / bits / march24 . swf I have so enjoyed reading other blogs reliving this past year that I decided , in a mood of introspection , to do the same . ( Wow , that sounded deep ! ! ) 1 . The more things change , the more they stay the same . It does seem like things are changing all around me . The town is growing by leaps and bounds , the family is growing , my ward got a new bishop , big staff changes at work , but I am still the manager at the bank and Relief Society President at the ward . I live in the same house ( 30 years ) , still read lots and spend way too much time on the computer . I can 't even think of any major purchases . So is my life boring or merely comfortable ? I 'll have to think more on that . 2 . Books , books and more books . Let 's just say reading is my favorite past time . Last year I read 109 books . My favorite book was definitely " The Book Thief , " but there were many other great books finished last year . I truly got into the spirit of the Challenge which let me focus my reading more on books I already owned . I was pretty disciplined about finishing those challenges . 3 . Bookmooch I joined the Bookmoooch website in August and have since given away 76 books and received 68 . That would mean I had made a small dent in the piles of books I own except that I bought a few books as well . I try to be good , but it 's hard . 4 . TripsI did very little traveling this year ; that could be why I 'm in a funk . Yes , there were a few trips to Salt Lake , including a trip with my 50 's friends to see " Little Women , The Musical " at the Hale Theater . I also drove to Moab for an annual bank meeting and , once again , saw very little of the surrounding countryside . This time I did make it down Moab 's main street . The funnest trip was with my mom , sister and brother to visit relatives in Fielding , Utah . We spent one evening with my Uncle Donald , his wife , Eleanor , and my Aunt Betty Jean , going over old journals and listening to Mom and Donald reminisce . The next day , we drove over the hill to Clarkston and then into Logan . What a blast of memories when we ate pizza at FredericoFramed
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Ahead of me , Tom crept through our quiet , darkened bedroom illuminated by an eerie glow . It took me a minute to realize someone had abandoned a lit flashlight under a fort of blankets and mounds of Mardi Gras beads . Nerf gun ammo began static clinging to the bottoms of my feet which is why I noticed the stuffed raccoon under the small pile of silverware . Our bedroom was like a woodland refugee camp after a Fat Tuesday dust up . The finger points to a certain set of culprit cousins . All under four feet tall and high on Christmas . That 's right . December 23rd is one of my favorite nights , otherwise known as Cousins Night . The niece and nephews sleep over and we make them wear safety goggles so we can properly shoot them with submachine nerf guns . We also play a little ping pong . Most parents out there are probably shrugging all jaded and cynical and no big thing right now , but fuck you . You would probably write a blogpost if you happened to be sitting in a Kielbasa joint at 3am in Gramercy and noticed a whole bunch of old frazzle - haired baby dolls coyly strapped onto decorative pine boughs and dangling from the ceiling over the bar where you are surrounded by drunken Germans pounding pints of eisbock and singing at the tops of their lungs . I would also write such a blogpost except I never got around to it . Then of course there is the crack - of - dawn celebration . This sunrise event is always the same . Our bedroom door slams open , high - decibel shrieking ensues as well as a thorough pummeling by a flail of skinny little elbows and knees . Luckily I sleep through most of it and wonder where the bruises came from later . Tom , sadly , is a much less skillful sleeper . He gets to get up and play High Card for hours . Nothing for nothing , but this year I had another excuse for my bedraggled condition . The morning before , i . e . the morning of Cousins Night , I dragged my ass out the door at seven thirty to make a breakfast meeting . As if that weren 't bad enough , the cops pulled me over almost immediately . This was quite taxing even though the cops let me go with a verbal fingerwag not to drive around with a wildly expired registration and no registration card . I was listening to this podcast where James Altucher interviewed Sam Harris . Sam Harris said anger burns off really fast . It 's like Sugar Smacks : you get a short sharp jolt and then it turns into nothing before lunch . So , says Sam Harris , if you want to stay angry , you have to re - up . How you re - up is to run through the sequence of events that made you angry . Again . And again . This is probably why they say love and hate are only a whit apart . Because in order to hate , you have to invest a lot of effort . You have to nurture that righteous anger , every day . You have to nurse it and fondle it and rub its belly . Meanwhile , your life slips by . It is so ironic that people who uncompromisingly refuse to get over it for years aren 't winning any fights . They aren 't winning anything . By wasting untold hours stewing in their anger , they sacrifice their lives to their nemesis . And that 's why I believe that people whose upset has a long tail or a frequent case of the trots really need to find themselves a fucking hobby . I was reading something about binge donut eaters . It 's easy to become addicted to donuts because donuts squeeze a tiny little drip of dopamine out of brains . Even if donuts turn into flab and everybody knows it and hates themselves for eating donuts , people eat donuts . But I do know that we humans are sociable mammals . We like to feel a connection with fellow members of our herd . Firing off an angry , upset or sad salvo is a fast way to connect . It forces someone else to fork over a dollop of attention or show the love . And when I say " fast way " , I mean fast as in fast food . As in we 're fooling ourselves if we think what we 've got there is good for us . David Foster Wallace committed suicide . Maybe he needed to practice transforming his anger and upset into golden strands of genuinely real human connection . Please note for the record I really have no idea what I 'm talking about . Everything is better when overpowered by wafts of voluptuous Thanksgiving turkey roasting nearby . Especially my new pants . I purchased these pants at REI on Wednesday , full price . Although no one would admit it , we all piled in the minivan and hustled off to REI because we knew if we continued to lush about the house , Grandma would connive us into raking the yard and digging up Azalea bushes . She 's a 99 - year - old Type A gardening machine . My new pants came with a small instruction booklet because they have so many features . For example , a pulley system stowed in the cargo pockets runs down each pant leg so I can hike them up while fording streams or showing off a really bold sock . It was all good until Samantha caught me rolling up my pant legs old school and I had to admit that operating pulley system exceeds my capacity for mechanical engineering and / or fashion . Plus I 'd already chucked the instruction booklet in the same garbage can as all the turkey gooplets . If you must know , I purchased these pants to lift weights at the YMCA . Everybody knows if you lift weights in spandex you look like an unacclimated immigrant from the cardio room . I will refrain from all but a minor comment on my sneakers . Although extremely comfortable , they are pink and black . My only other color option was pristine white . The young hipster who sold them to me at Paragon favored the white , but I told him , " If you aren 't cool enough to pull off a white sneaker , you will look like an octogenarian power - walker . " Unfortunately , I 'm not cool enough to pull off a white sneaker . After my aunt , uncle and cousins showed up on Thanksgiving Day , we indulged in several longstanding holiday traditions . First , we played brutally cut - throat Chinese Checkers . Tom did not participate . He quit the tourney after Granny kicked his ass in the exhibition round . Just because you can find the best buffet line doesn 't mean you can operate it . I learned this at the Health Information Technology conference last week . I was inordinately pleased with myself for spying a little annex buffet nestled behind the interoperability booth . No one was over there . Meanwhile , the main buffet suffered a line out the door . I took a plate and attacked the olives . Slippery little suckers . It was hard to hold a plate , a napkin and brandish a tiny fork like a spear . I became deeply involved in the attempt to capture a medley of olives . A time check boomed over the PA system and everyone started to filter back into the session room for the next speaker . Obviously I couldn 't be bothered . I would not let the olives win . Finally . I pinioned 4 - 6 olives and grinned like I 'd caught lightning in a bottle . I tossed a couple of pita chips next to the olives and grabbed an attractive blue bottle of fizzy water on my way into the session which had already started . The room was packed . Earlier , I 'd seen a guy who was late get himself a seat in the back row by simply pulling back one of the chairs instead of crawling over everybody . I decided I could be just as debonair . Except when I pulled back the chair all those scheming slithery olives rolled right off my plate and bounced across the carpet amidst a topple of pita chips . Although he kept his eyes locked on the speaker behind the podium , the gentleman on my left nudged his chair away from my insta - mess . I could tell he was thinking that the back row used to be a very respectable part of the seating area and I 'd turned it squalid in a nanosecond . He pretended not to notice when I began to kick pita chips under various nearby chairs with my shoe . Meanwhile , the lovely woman on my right smiled kindly and patted my hand . I felt like I 'd just joined a support group . Maybe I should try to get VC for an app to track suboptimal buffet outcomes . Posted by A few weeks ago , we were in the Verizon store picking up a new phone . It took four ( 4 ) hours . Midway through recalculating the cost of our data plan , Allen , the Verizon guy , stops , his pen poised in the air . He exclaims , " Hey , I have a deal for you . If you get an Android tablet and you get 2 gigs of additional data , then it will cost you $ 120 less . " Tom 's eyebrows take on a curl of suspicion . He confirms , " you 're not just giving us an Android tablet and 2 extra gigs for free , you 're actually paying us $ 120 to take them off your hands . " Allen nods his head . Later , when we told Andy about our Verizon - filled afternoon , he surmised , " So basically you spent 1 / 2 hour getting the details of the deal straight and 3 1 / 2 hours trying to figure out the catch . " Well put , Andy . And as result of the Verizon Suss - Out - The - Truth - in - Advertising Challenge , I have become attuned to catches . I 've been looking out for them and just this morning , I spotted one . I attended an event where everyone had to write a little introduction about themselves . Most people wrote about their interest in the topic of the event , The Limits of Human Reason , but Carine wrote , " I 'm a rose with thorns , but I 'm worth the effort . " I 'm most familiar with the pharmaceutical industry , so I start there to model my review framework . In drug ads , there 's always a catch - anal leakage , weight gain , irregular heartbeat , suicidal thoughts , death , etc . But the catch always hits you after the sunlit pasture scene where the lovely young thing cavorts through wildflowers after overcoming the heartbreak of scoliosis . You gain an appreciation for the pro before the con smacks you in the spine . With this reference point , I study the Introduction of Carine in search of the Pro . She is a rose , which I take as a metaphor . And she 's worth the effort . There is some begging of the question going on here . Is a rose really worth the effort ? Who the hell is a rose anyway ? Let 's speculate : I detect a problem . At an hour long event , there 's plenty of time to rub up against a thorn and become a boy / girl with a thorn in his / her side ( morrissey shout out ) , but not enough time to i - spy a rose . I will state for the record that metaphorical roses take a while to bloom in the garden of my red bleeding heart . So here 's my catch : I officially refuse to " make the effort . " Thorny event attendees can keep their blood and their roses . Unless they are willing to give me an original Smithereens concert T - shirt , in which case I may or may not reconsider whether they 're worth it . There 's a website called CourseHorse with like ten thousand adult school classes . You can learn to make kasha varnishkes or ride a horse or reupholster your couch . There 's a whole section for writing classes . I decide to take one , mainly because I 've never taken a writing class before and , judging by the curlicue of my so - called writing process , it 's probably fairly evident I have no idea what I 'm doing . Most of the class listings I discard based on my only two selection criteria - a solid mid - morning start time , and a location that does not require me to board a subway line I find annoying . I settle on a 10am class that is eighteen blocks from our apartment . Perfect . Energetic and Motivated Gotham City Writers The class gets off to a rocky start . A Gotham City Writer guy tells me " goodies " are for the taking in the lobby . I envision coffee and maybe a tiny muffin with raisins . My hopes flatten like a dead pigeon on the street . There is nothing on that pristine white table top but orderly rows of logo pens and pads . With a black look befitting someone so cruelly led astray , I slump into a seat in the classroom . The woman next to me crinkles around in a shopping bag and pulls out a slice of warm buttered bread and some kind of delicious fruit smoothy . I doodle morose pictures of coffee mugs on my new notepad with my new pen . Melissa the Instructor shows up and writes An Introduction to the Personal Essay on the white board . Ah yes , the personal essay . I have no idea what a personal essay is , but it has a ring to it . Soon , I will proclaim , " Behold the personal essay I have penned " instead of " I cranked out this blog post and it 's all about MEEEE . " It will be a legitimate cover for the glorious narcissism I so enjoy . I am all ears . We go around the class and introduce ourselves . The woman next to me was up at 4am to catch a train from DC to take this class . The two across the room come from Toronto and Melbourne respectively , both gobbling up a month in this city taking classes and inspiring themselves visa vis cultural pursuits and minor clubbing . The lure of this town brought the dude in the black T - shirt here by way of Michigan . Two locals sit by the windows , Manhattanites born and raised . Every single one of my classmates is here for reasons more to do with personal essays and less to do with logistical convenience . This becomes obvious when Melissa the Instructor scribbles a topic on the board and tells us to write about it for 15 minutes . Immediately I begin to write about something else . A prescribed topic transforms every other topic into forbidden fruit and I am helpless to resist . At the end of the 15 minutes , Melissa the Instructor wants us all to read what we 've written aloud . This is unanticipated . Everybody else wrote a few paragraphs bordering on worthwhile . I announce that I had approached the topic more metaphorically and pass . It occurs to me that this is a genuine class with genuine students . I feel a little sweaty but it might be because I had hauled ass up the sidewalk the whole way to midtown instead of riding a Citibike . I just didn 't feel like going through the incredibly minor hassle of docking so near Penn Station so early in the mid - morning . After that , Melissa the Instructor dissects the personal essay . There is one essential ingredient . She writes Nut Graf on the board . I snicker like my spirit animal , which happens to be a fourteen - year - old boy . While Melissa the Instructor explains the Nut Graf , I picture some sort of perverted EKG machine . Her name is Theresa and she says loudly , " There is a bodega up the street I like , if anyone wants to join me there to grab a bite . " My eyebrows skyrocket . She 's been in this town for three weeks and is sitting next to two people who have lived in NYC for at least sixty years by the look of them . This is apparently irrelevant . Theresa has had 21 full days to evaluate the vicinity and qualify a DELI she likes better than the other fifty on the block . I am not surprised . Earlier , she had taught us all where to find the best soul food in Harlem so I am already aware of her subject matter expertise . I go to lunch with one of the New Yorkers who took this class because she 's writing a memoir about living in Harlem in the 60 's and how much it 's changed since then . On a scrap of paper , she jots down for me the names of her two favorite soul food joints . Four hours later , Theresa has produced a half - decent personal essay and I remain confused by the Nut Graf . I can say I learned enough to know the words you see before you are not a personal essay . My new aim is to become the Grandma Moses of prose . The work I produce shall be somewhat pleasing if you overlook all the blobby paintwork . That 2nd bag of Vanilla tea from Harney & Sons . The second bag did not live up to my memory of the first bag . The new Karen O disk . The city ripped them to shreds , the posers . Online , they looked stoic enough to take on this town . Nothing doing . They wilted like a bug - eyed tourist completely unraveled by a sweltering 6 train platform at rush hour . Such a disappointment . Lip balm is unsatisfactory when a swipe of it pulls your lips right off your face . Lip balm should offer moisturization , not a way to jowl in slow motion . Jowler photo credit : The first time the home brew tour was mentioned , we were told that " Tickets sell out fast . " I logged on 3 minutes after the virtual ticket window opened . Already sold out . Personally , I was done . Offline , I don 't wait on line . Online , I don 't participate in " refresh " skirmishes . Tom , on the other hand , succumbed to the whispered lure of malt liquor begat upon the stove in a stranger 's domicile . After three months of trying , his nimble fingers scored us tickets . Saturday at the crack of noon , we were on an F - train to Brooklyn . Josh , the tour organizer , proved a righteous shepherd of drunken beer aficionados and those of us who were more like just drunk . He marched at the fore bearing a long stick with a beer can stuck on the end of it . Over the course of four hours , he guided us to the apartments of three home brewers with plenty of product . Mostly , my fellow beer marchers talked about APV and sugar content while they lovingly caressed hops in plastic baggies . There was a lot of finger smelling . That 's what you do after you touch hops , you smell your fingers . Next time I see someone smelling their fingers I will ask them if perchance they recently fondled a hop . Completely unqualified to discourse with people wearing " Brewklyn 2014 Award Winner " T - shirts , I participated in several sidebar conversations . I met a grad student named Erica studying technology for the home , like thermostat apps or ones to fire up your disco ball while you 're still over at Duane Reed buying snacks . Erica called this " mobile home technology . " You could tell she grew up on East 23rd Street . She had no idea that those of us from the shtetl might think she spent her days out in the trailer park wiring up double wides . I spent a good ten minutes in wondrous awe listening to Erica talk about this mobile home technology of hers . Last time i enjoyed an evening in a trailor park , I recall old Milwaukee pounders and Tang with grain alcohol and as a rule , baggies did not contain bespoke hops . My world did a little twerk as I studied what I thought was a new kind of trailer folk . One who had cut off her mullet , turned off Nascar and now attended tres fancy nerd events in south Brooklyn . I was sad when things got cleared up . Aside from burns and deafness ( so prosaic they don 't even count ) , the most common blacksmithing injury is getting cracked in the head by the back of your hammer when it bounces off the anvil . A good anvil , one with a forge - welded rolled steel face plate , packs a fierce kick . It can knock your block right off . This is what I told my nephew Jackson yesterday . He 's a newly minted 1st grader and certainly should know these things by now . I gave Jackson a helmet and safety goggles and told him to put them on . I gave him one West Chester 6030 Grain Deerskin Leather Top Reverse MIG Welding Glove so he wouldn 't lose his grip and fling the 3lb Norwegian raising mallet I also gave him across the shop and possibly take out a wall . Then I gave him some earplugs , mainly because of Sharon . We banged on a piece of pipe for a while . We worked on throwing our body weight into our swing . Good form packs way more juice than arm strength , I informed Jackson . And right then I should have known . I should have thoroughly analyzed his slack jaw , his head tilted slightly to one side and the extreme concentration cooking his beady little eyeballs . The kid was paying attention . Next up , we discussed the blow torch . We merely looked at it because I had already told my nephew 400 times he was too little to fire it up . Nonetheless , we took some time to inspect various items lying around the shop and talk about whether it would be possible to cut them in half with a blowtorch , or if they would just instantly disintegrate into a pile of ash , possibly after a small and noxious explosion . Jackson asked when he would be big enough to cut things in half with the blowtorch . I said , " in five years . " Five years has been my stock child - friendly euphemistic response to indicate , " A really fucking long time , kid . " It 's never failed me . Five years is a lifetime when you 're five . Except Jack is now 7 . Old enough to count . Let me tell you one thing about men . Later . First let me tell you one thing about me . Moderation is not my middle name . I commit . This is not news . It runs in my family . All you people out there who only buy one bottle of grape juice when the sale price is a veritable steal ? You are lackadaisical and complacent . I take after my grandfather . He liked grape juice . During a clearance situation , Grandpa Frank would buy as many bottles of grape juice as could fit into his Datsun . He would haul them home , carry them into the house and duct - tape them to the walls of his hall closet so he could fit more in there . If you 're going to do it , you might as well do it right . By now , you must know I 'm into audio equipment . Let 's start with my passion for headphones . Currently I own three pairs I actually like . My Earbuds : After destroying 18 pairs of earbuds over an 8 year killing spree , I finally found the Klipsch x11i 's which I adore . I got these after I ruined the Klipsch X5s although I was highly satisfied with the X5s since it took me a record 3 years to do them in . My Closed Ear Headphones : A few years ago , I picked up the Audio - Technica ATH - M50x Professional Studio Monitor Headphones . I like them for listening to music in loud situations or for listening to loud music in quiet situations . They don 't play so nice with my glasses . That 's why I also have : My Semi - Open Headphones : I went with the Sennheiser HD 558 Headphones . I purchased these after thoroughly considering the Beyerdynamic DT - 990s . I did not get the 990s because reviews said they run hot and I hate hot . I use a headphone amplifier . More Americans go to the ER each year for injuries resulting from sound equipment than for injuries resulting from chainsaws . Headphone amps can prevent this medical catastrophe in case you were dangerously unaware . Besides a safety first attitude , an amp makes music sound fucking great . In my podcasting studio otherwise known as the closet in the guestroom , I just upgraded to a new Electro Voice RE320 Dynamic Microphone . It 's an XLR so I need to plug into my DBX 286s Microphone Pre - amp Processor which has a great de - esser and a noise - gate that saves me hours of editing . From there , I use a Shure A15AS Switchable Attenuator ( 15 , 20 , 25 dB ) , Passes Phantom Power , which I found out the hard way is what 's needed to lower the noise floor on my Zoom H4N Handy Portable Digital Recorder . Balanced Cables are also super key otherwise you get feedback , I have learned . Over dinner , I complain to Tom that I did a pre - interview with a man who asked me how I record my podcast . To keep it simple , I just said I use an external recorder . The man replied that he uses Sound Recorder Free . It 's a free app he installed on his computer and he likes to use it to record research interviews so he can transcribe them . He recommended it to me . I said we use Ecamm Call Recorder in our office sometimes for shorter podcasts , but I prefer my set up for what I 'm doing . The man then took it upon himself to attempt to convince me that Sound Recorder Free is really the right way to go about this . He also suggested I consider picking up a nice headset with a microphone . Tom shrugs and puts down his fork . Then he says in a grave voice , " Men like to give technical advice . " Thanks , honey . Now I know . The landlady did not enjoy the stench of burnt microwave popcorn . Neither did my college roommate . This was 1988 and I was in the middle of my popcorn phase . I have gone through a lot of culinary phases . Here are the most notable : Meanwhile , my college roommate feared we would be evicted , so she purchased for me a Black & Decker Handy Pop ' n Serve . It remained functional for 2 . 5 decades . Until last week , when the engine shrieked like a little girl and ceased to administer a pop . I unplugged the unit and plugged it back in just to check if sparks would continue to shoot from the electrical outlet . But alas . The Pop n ' Serve had passed on . I kind of miss the old guy , but Tom insists that our new Great Northern Hot Air Popper produces a crisper kernel which he favors , the traitor . My most favorite thing about Steve is his mean streak . He is so charmingly the opposite of self - aware . It is irresistible . Steve 's ideal date is " Going to her room and getting naked . " What a coy little sex pot ! I can picture it . He kicks closed her bedroom door and flings off his 50 % polyester tartan plaid button - down . Wafting from his slender white chest is so much animal magnetism that a girl could stretch out her two hands , wring it from the air , and mop it back up with a swiffer picker - upper . At least Steve will imagine the scene this way . Ariana : " We didn 't stop talking until we left . It wasn 't awkward . He was kind of like a male version of me . My chemistry tends to come from personality , so that was definitely there . " In the conversation portion of the evening which apparently was quite extensive , Steve had sufficient downtime to craft a terrific metaphor . " She wasn 't earning the real estate her mouth was snatching . " Snap . Steve 's motor was spinning for a different kind of snatch . Steve 's ideal date night certainly does not include vapid chatter spewing from a chick so self - absorbed she doesn 't realize she 's being played by a lusty young natural conversationalist . I love these two . They should cage fight . Ariana will bosom Steve 's face , going for auto non - erotic asphyxiation . And Steve , with narrowed eyes , will calculate , as best a liberal arts major can calculate , how big a waste of time this hand - to - hand combat shit is . This evening , Tom declares the two of us could write a better sitcom than Welcome to Sweden . He says the dialog is awkward , the acting is a shitshow , none of the characters are likable and Bruce the American is a real boob . Tom says everybody learns Day 1 you take your shoes off when you walk into someone 's house in Sweden . He wonders how it was even possible for Bruce overlook everybody hovering around the doorway hopping around on one foot trying to get their shoes off . Personally , I think Bruce probably did see the shoe - shucking fandango . Bruce 's eyes grazed over all the socks just like a clue nobody noticed except Columbo . I think this happens a lot . Like when I corner people at cocktail parties and thoroughly cover one of my favorite topics , such as blog monetization or the magic of a well - balanced compost pile . I might pause briefly at several intervals to insure my victim is still nodding politely , but I tend to disregard their wild darting eyes and murmured prayers for rescue . The foot in the mouth is the worst , even if the foot is shoeless . It 's a minefield out there . Simply exclaim over how much you 're looking forward to soccer season . . . with an injured soccer player . Or despair over your boring job with someone who just lost theirs . Anyone of us can go horribly wrong without a pinch of effort . Or maybe because of it . iCatcher will overwhelm you with options and configurability . I love it . Like to listen to WTF at 1 . 5x speed but Sound Opinions at 1x , no problem . Download all new episodes of Song of the Day but want to pick and choose episodes of Bieber Aficionado , no problem . Options galore . It 's great . http : / / joeisanerd . com / apps / icatcher Of course , I immediately bought iCatcher and checked how fast I could listen to podcasts . I 'm a playah . Andrew is not a contender , in case you were wondering . Michael discussed iCatcher with Andrew but Andrew fully poo pooed the whole idea . Andrew does not understand the finer points of frenetic media consumption . He said as much while power walking back to our apartment after the Swedish Midsummer Celebration in Battery Park at two o ' clock in the morning . Of course we needed to get in some solid late - night cardio because Anna and Karen threw down a proclamation . They said they planned to walk the whole way from FiDi home to Brooklyn . I took this as a challenge . It was also a challenge to convince Tom and Andrew a wee hour 4 miler hauling a lawn chair , empty coolers and a SSCNY flag on a flagpole was a good idea . Luckily the strength of my conviction bewildered their drunken sensibilities . The one place I do not compete with anyone is in the weight room at the YMCA . The spirit award there goes to chubby middle - aged white men . They compete with me . I just go about my business and if one of them happens to invade my space with his matchy - matchy outfit and his little white towel , I will , with great ceremony , move the pin down . I can 't say I don 't enjoy it . Sometimes I race people on the sidewalk . Only elite pedestrians though . It is a contest of both fitness and razor sharp instincts . Who can weave around the plodding tourist family and all their coordinated Vera Bradley tote bags and manage to get into pole position at the next corner . After a whole lot of podcast practice , I am pleased to note that I can now listen to some podcasts at 1 . 25x speed . I listened to one the other day at 1 . 5x and became very cocky but then the conversation intensity picked up and I had to dial it back down to 1 . 25 . I was not discouraged . No pain no gain . While dining al fresco with Tom last evening , I had the sincere pleasure of opening up this letter . We had carried an armful of unread mail over to the restaurant with us . We sipped minty cocktails and we ate neat rows of handmade pickle spears and we poured over val - packs and condo board audited financial statements . That 's how we roll . Then my world comes to screeching halt as I study The Suit , the centerpiece of this print out of a Word document letter I received . The Suit screams bespoke and fresh from the cleaners . I wish I could catch a glimpse of the jacket lining . Undoubtedly , I think , the silk pattern would be something unexpected . Something dashing but ironic and cavalier . Like little watermelons or grenades on a royal purple background . I wonder who the random dude in The Suit might be . To my great delight , the letter clears that mystery right up , while unleashing upon the world a treatise as press - perfect as his suit . This will be good , I know it immediately . Two Ivies and a half - decent other school . In my chair , I jitter with the anticipation of reading more . Tom 's forehead wrinkles in the iPhone glow of a Tour de France recap video . Although he doesn 't ask , I can tell he is desperate for a thorough report . His eyes had flickered over the letter on the table between us . He had spotted what I had seen earlier . Economic charts and graphs . Which one of us loves to stare at for hours . I go back to the beginning of the letter , eager to absorb the full weight of what the Suit can teach me . He launches with a provocative question : What do you do if you have stocks that increase 24 % ? ( Why , you sell them of course . ) So what do you do when your home value increases 24 % You sell and take the profit . Obviously . There is no difference between stocks and homes , even though you live in one of them . Then The Suit brings out the big dogs . He writes that he owns JWF Capital , which owns JWF Reality , making him not only a real estate mogul but also a man of the Street . It takes some serious cred to run down to the courthouse and fill out the form for a sole proprietorship with the word " Capital " in the DBA . Holy Crow , I am bowled over by the authority that rings from these Times Roman 12 point words . My hands begin to perspire and I have to order another drink . I 'll admit , it takes me a while to cotton onto the depth of intellect displayed by this chart . I like a stylish boxy pattern as much as the next average citizen however , so I study the diagram intently while I half eavesdrop on a skinny guy at the next table impressing his date with commentary on why a Bald Eagle can ultimately fly further than Superman . Let me cut to the chase . Chart One says you should sell everything . There is no sector left to buy , except perhaps Energy and Consumer Discretionary . Everything else , withering in your gaberdine pocket . Especially real estate . This is because my apartment is in the same equity category as " financials / home builders " as well as the " utilities " stocks . Ok , got it . Everybody knows that when financial / home builders and utility stocks go up or down , housing prices across the country do too . I sit back in my chair in awe and accidentally hear the skinny guy on the date incorporate the words , " lament , " " acutely aware , " and " misogynist " in one sentence and I am momentarily , but deeply , impressed . My attention quickly reverts to the letter . The letter states without a shadow of any tenuous supposition : " The small orange block indicates where … home - owners should be looking to sell . " And there is a SMALL ORANGE BLOCK that is somewhere on or about 2014 . Only the smartest of the smart could understand this Chart 2 . And by smartest of the smart I mean people who didn 't sleep through the first day of microeconomics . My husband , a proud graduate of a Top 50 Party School , is able to comprehend this amazing bit of economic wizardry while paying mostly no attention to me prattle on endlessly about how this is the best attempt I have ever seen to make the simplest supply and demand chart look as complicated as possible . What does this have to do with the SELL SELL SELL conclusion from Chart one ? As best I can cobble together , The Suit invokes Adam Smith to explain that housing prices will rise , and then they will fall . There is an equilibrium point which is noted but you can disregard . It is a decorative element . Not only does the Great Depression linger around the corner , but prices are high because of STARTLING MICROECONOMIC EVIDENCE . I had previously thought housing prices were some kind of conspiracy but now I see the social science behind it all . Such heady stuff . The dark side . Ironically depicted in sunny yellow . When the housing market tanks , as it will any minute now ( see the CHART 1 ) , prices will tumble ! Egads . " A recessionary market will … lead to a drastic fall in the price of the home that you own ( as indicated by " P " ) . Tom and I are going to sell everything we own and we will live like Bedouins in the forest . Every day , we will long for a bespoke Suit , just like The Suit 's . A jacket , a crisp pocket square , a beautiful tie and tailored Smarty Pants with a hand - sewn and massive codpiece . My twin sister Meredith 's lawn was green . Green because her husband Max fertilized with the passion of a man with nothing better to do . Meredith slipped her squat , middle - aged body through a break in the hedge between our properties . She picked her way over to my garden patch . I watched her out of the corner of my good eye , but I didn 't turn my head . I wrestled with handfuls of weeds and plucked a strawberry by mistake . Damn . It was still white , only the tip had ripened to pinkish red . But the strawberry was big and perfectly formed and grown in good soil . I knew after half a day on the window sill it would transform into pure sweetness . Meredith watched me gingerly lay the strawberry aside . She smiled and snorted , " What a sad little white strawberry . " I didn 't immediately reply . What did Meredith know of strawberries ? She was more of an indoor type , an admitted " brown thumb . " I suppose that is my point . My sister had no business judging my produce and yet she did . Because judgement allocates power and Meredith knew this even if she didn 't . With masterful precision , my sister nipped my pride and shoved me back into line . She protected what she considered her rightful spot as the Alpha in our family . But I won 't let anyone make me their fool . " I saw Natalie this morning , " I replied . At the mention of our younger sibling I saw Meredith 's lazy grin fade into an alert expression . As I knew it would . " She needed someone to confide in about her job at the law firm and … " I stopped and slipped a hand over my mouth . " Now I 've said too much , " I sighed . " Natalie specifically told me not to tell anyone else about our conversation . " Meredith wheeled around and stalked home . I grinned and carried my white strawberry into the house . I should have known that day my sister would die my enemy . But I didn 't recognize the signs for what they were until later . I think the rest of this story would have to do with sacrifice . What some are willing to sacrifice to prove that they are in the right . Or maybe to prove they are in control . Posted by One night last winter , Carla bought an astronomy app . A star chart . She wobbled her face up at the stars and down to her iPhone . She studied the pinpricks of light trembling far apart in a black velvet sky . Carla stared until she could trace The Big Dipper , the most famous serving utensil in the Milky Way . On it , Carla 's imagination forged a shiny copper finish . She let her mind hammer decorations along the handle and tint the ladle with a shadow so it felt more comfortable and real . Afterwards , whenever Carla looked up into the night , she saw her Big Dipper . She never saw the stars again . Carla has looked forward to this evening all week . Even more so when she re - reads the text from Joan with the name of the restaurant - Ursa Major . Ursa Major , the star constellation otherwise known as The Big Dipper . The corners of Carla 's lips curl into a self - congratulatory smile . The restaurant is a fondue place . Where lots of dipping goes on . Not many would get the joke , but she does . Dabbing pressed powder on the lids of her light blue eyes , Carla thinks about her favorite photo , a close - up . Her face squashed cheek - to - cheek between Sandie 's and Peta 's and Joan 's . The fabulous foursome hadn 't managed a dinner date since last spring , schedules being what they are . Effervescence ripples through Carla 's chest just thinking about how great it will be to reconnect with her old friends . Some say " to think is to exist , " but Carla recommends a change : " To be listened to is to exist . " And Carla can always count on Sandie and Peta and Joan to listen . She grabs her clutch off the table by the door in her apartment , checks she has her keys , her wallet and her new lipstick . She is the second to arrive at the restaurant . Carla hugs Sandie , perches in the chair beside her and folds her napkin across her lap . The air is not quite humid . Autumn is stronger than the sun this time of year . " I 've been so busy ! " exclaims Sandie . She had gone to DC and stopped at a fruit stand by the highway in Maryland . Sandie says she wanted to squeeze the plumbs , but there was this woman standing with her husband and their dog totally blocking the plumb bin . Sandie said , " excuse me , " but the couple didn 't move . So Sandie waited . And they still didn 't move , not even an inch . So Sandie decided to just lean in and grab plumbs . She almost had to stand on the woman 's foot . Then , at the cash register . This woman , she cut in front of Sandie . Marched right up the register . Sandie fumed at the back of the woman 's yoga pants . Namaste , my ass . Her ass , whatever . Sandie felt the sun shine bright and mean . She strode up to the counter and put her bags of fruit pretty much on top of the woman 's bags of fruit . While the woman waited for her water and paid for her water , she didn 't realize she 'd been boxed in . When she turned to leave , Sandie didn 't trouble herself to move , not even an inch and the woman earned herself a hip - check . Carla laughs and sputters , " Some people are such fucking narcissists ! " Sandie gives her an approving look for correctly identifying the woman 's problem . Sandie is always on the lookout for narcissists . They are everywhere , she says . Narcissists are the ones who don 't follow the rules of etiquette . The ones who aren 't self - aware enough to observe common courtesy . " Reminds me of the tourists who ram right into everybody getting off the subway instead of just waiting five seconds . One time … " begins Carla . Carla pecks Peta on the cheek and hopes all is well between them . Truth be told , Carla felt a little rebuffed by Peta earlier that summer . Carla accepted an invitation to Peta 's lecture . It was called " Social Attention and the Ventromedial Prefrontal Cortex . " Carla had signed up online and then gone the whole way downtown on a sweltering Tuesday evening . She had been right in the middle of a writing a report , but left work anyway so she 'd be on time . The audience all around Carla clapped after Peta finished going through her slides . Slides covered by kind of disturbing autopsy photos , by the way . Carla rushed up to the stage to congratulate her friend on a job that appeared well done . At least everyone who knew what was going on seemed to think so . Colleagues , undergrads , adjunct professors and even the department head clustered around Peta . It was hard to push through the crush . When Carla finally reached her friend , Peta gave Carla a hug and thanked her for coming , but then let herself get dragged into a conversation about neurons or convolutions or cells or something . Carla had nothing to contribute to the science babble . Peta knew that Carla couldn 't follow along but she didn 't explain any of the terminology . Carla wanted to complement Peta on how amazing and smart she was up on stage , but she felt weird doing it in front of the others , people she didn 't know . So she left . Maybe she had said four words the whole night . It was such a waste of time . Peta clearly didn 't appreciate that she had come . Later , Carla sat down to write Peta a note . She didn 't want to get herself in a situation again where she felt so alone . So invisible and awkward . She 'd had high hopes that it would be fun , maybe they 'd even share a bonding BFF moment . But Peta couldn 't have cared less about that . In the end , Carla deleted most of what she 'd written . The note simply asked if Carla would be welcome to Peta 's talks in the future . Carla felt like crying when she clicked send . Peta almost immediately emailed back saying of course Carla was welcome to anything , anytime . Carla replied that she didn 't blame Peta , but that she had felt unwelcome at the lecture . She felt like no one had really paid attention to her . Peta answered with a one - line email , " If I get the opportunity to speak at TedMed , you 'll be the first one on my guest list ! ! ! " Carla considered the reply a touch cold . If Peta really valued their friendship , she would have put in a little time and written a paragraph , maybe two . She would have apologized for not spending enough time with Carla at the lecture . Then she would have thanked Carla for being her friend for so long , for supporting her . Maybe , Carla thought , Peta should have given her a shout out from the podium . Carla earned that public thank you . She had listened to Peta complain endlessly about her professors and university policies and the shitty lab equipment and that time her briefcase got stolen right out of her cubicle . Nobody else in that room had known Peta as long as Carla had . Cocktails are served . Joan gets her signature drink , a Bloody Mary , even though it 's dinner time . Everyone always teases her when she does this - orders a brunch drink at dinner time . Sandie fake rolls her eyes when the waiter drops off the drink and quips , " Save that celery to cleanse your palette . It 'll be a new trend . Goodbye Sorbet ! " Joan gives Sandie 's hand a little squeeze and they both laugh like this is some kind of Oscar caliber comedy routine . In the pause that follows , Carla yanks out her iPhone and opens iPhoto . She went out with her friend Jonathan in Chelsea and snapped selfies of the two of them standing in front of porno shop windows . The pictures are hilarious . And Carla is proud because she knows they showcase her talent . Lately , she 's been thinking about getting business cards : " Carla Turner . Freelance Photographer . " Joan begins a sentence it is clear she isn 't sure how to finish , as Carla fully anticipated she would . Of course Joan will try to upstage her . And Joan always jumps into conversations at the exact second she figures out she has a point to make , even if she has no idea how to connect the current conversation to that point . Carla knows Joan wants to make sure everyone remembers she is an artist . A good artist and maybe even famous in some circles . Carla cringes when Joan continues to talk . Or speak might be a better word to use . Speak with a capital S . Joan 's tone is overloud and strident . Joan monologs about the watercolors she 's just finished , something about Hurricane Sandy and the important people she contrived to meet at some weekend retreat . She talks about an incident at Dick Blick Art Supplies , downstairs in the discount section . She sure set the clerk straight . He called a sculpture with moving parts a " Connecticut " sculpture . Joan pounced on his blaring stupidity . She told him the correct term is " Kinetic . " Connecticut is a fucking state in New England . Carla stops paying attention to Joan 's words and listens to the cadence . There 's no ebb and flow . Or no ebb at least . Joan fills every pause , and mostly fills it by repeating herself . " Connecticut is a fucking state in New England . I mean . CONNECTICUT is a fucking STATE . In NEW ENGLAND ! " Joan , thinks Carla , is petrified of dead air . Of the loss that comes when a story ends . So she drowns us inside a fevered whirlpool of words to feel the warmth of our skin and hold onto the volume of our love long after we 've stopped listening . Carla rolls her eyes and waits for someone to turn Joan off but no one manages to shove into a pause with enough force . It 's like defying gravity . Carla orders another drink . Impatience burbles . She checks her watch . It 's a statement heavy enough to halt even Joan 's momentum . Peta starts talking in that clipped voice she always uses to relate her point of view like it 's scientific fact . Problems started when Peta bought Marlene tickets to a show for Marlene 's 30th birthday . An actor friend of theirs was performing off broadway but the tickets were expensive even with the discount . And non - refundable . But Marlene had already made plans to celebrate the big " three oh " at a bar in the East Village . Marlene always celebrated her birthday in the East Village with this group of pals . It was their tradition . Long story short , Marlene went to the show with Peta , but she had been totally unappreciative and cold . Peta was upset . Marlene ruined her own birthday . She ruined Peta 's night , too . They had a big fight about it . Peta looks confused . " I broke up with Sheila because she was careless . Like when she loaded her dishwasher , bowls clattered against each other . Every one of her dishes had a chip in it . I pointed out what was happening , but she kept doing it anyway . I knew there was no future for us . I can 't be with someone too thoughtless to keep their things from breaking . " Peta scrunches her face into an expression that says exactly what she thinks of Sandie 's ridiculous comment . Carla catches Sandie 's eye and they share a look . Carla gets what Sandie is thinking . Peta 's stories are always the same . Chock full of scabbed over wounds that Peta loves more than anything to catalog and obsess over . Everyone pats Peta on the hand , " Poor poor Peta , " they all say . " You 're better than Marlene and Sheila put together and multiplied by ten . They didn 't appreciate you , either one of them . How dare they not recognize you were trying to help them . " The waiter circles by , Carla hears him rustle behind her . In the space next to Carla 's arm , he slides across the tablecloth a black lacquer case embossed with a constellation of metallic stars . The case lures Carla 's focus away from Peta and Peta 's new tip calculator iPhone app and Joan 's conspiracy theory that such apps do not account for city tax and they should double - check the math to be sure they don 't overpay . It takes an odd , half centered moment for Carla to realize the silver stars she 's seeing are the Big Dipper . She traces the shape with the tips of her white fingernails and sees the stars for what they are - tiny speckles she had connected together to form something she understood . No different than all the fragments of unrealized love , pain and happiness , disquiet and apprehension and joy floating around in the universe . All these twinkling and drifting bits , Carla thinks , waiting to be plucked up and twisted into something we say we believe to be true . As many know because I 've been complaining incessantly , a large problem has beleaguered my very existence : there are no Swedish t - shirts . When I say " no Swedish t - shirts " I mean t - shirts I would actually wear . For the record , I would not wear a t - shirt with a giant Swedish flag emblazoned from neck to belly - button . First off , I would not wear anything emblazoned at that scale because I do not endeavor to look like a human lollipop with a head . Second off , I 'm not Swedish . Last year , I was in Sweden and the only T - shirts widely available were ones that said , " New York City . " I did not find this advantageous in any way . At one point , I spied a mens t - shirt featuring the Gothenberg lion . Although it was kind of cool , I refused to purchase it because , first off , it said " Gothenberg " and not " Göteborg . " As a rule , I do not purchase tourist gear . Second off , I 'm not a man . It is brilliant , I know you 're thinking right now because that 's what I was thinking when I hit " submit . " And then a wondrous thing happened . A pop - up window inquired , " Do you want to sell your design ? " Ho ho ho , but of course . The ultimate gift for Swedish Blacksmiths ! " For the blacksmith , the anvil and hammer are the most important tools . " Order now and be the first on your block to own a Swedish Blacksmithing t - shirt ! This is the t - shirt for blacksmiths to proclaim their love for hot - rolled steel . Order now if you happen to be a Swedish blacksmith . You can also order if you are a non - Swedish blacksmith with a thing for sill och potatis , or a non - blacksmith Swede with a thing for blacksmiths . I called my mom . Ring . Ring . Ring . Call Connecting . " Two at the door ! " Mom bellowed in my ear . Pop was in charge of candy dist . . . 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I always say mint chocolate chip because it is so repressing but lately I have also been liking dark cherry chocolate of any kind , soy , coconut , yogurt etc . and of course CHOCOLATE . Jason is a pistachio lover ! Posted by I had a little rant because I have so many experiences with kids and how they feel ( or don 't feel - - kids with autism spectrum disorders or asbergers which will be seperate disorders in the new DSM - V ) about their appearances . Since I have such a psychological background , it is common that during adolescence , you are more egocentric and feel that the whole world sort of revolves around you . Everyone is judging you ( that is your belief system , so you want to be liked , meaning cool clothes , looking good , and being accepted by the popular kids . There are many theories on adolescence . . Here is one that helps explain this . ( remember , it is only a theory , therefore it is not proven ) ! ! ! ! Erikson 's stage 's of Development Adolescence : 12 to 18 Years * * ( as cited from one of my textbooks , Theories of Personality 9th Ed , Schultz & Schultz , 2009 ) Ego Development Outcome : Identity vs . Role ConfusionBasic Strengths : Devotion and FidelityUp to this stage , according to Erikson , development mostly depends upon what is done to us . From here on out , development depends primarily upon what we do . And while adolescence is a stage at which we are neither a child nor an adult , life is definitely getting more complex as we attempt to find our own identity , struggle with social interactions , and grapple with moral issues . Our task is to discover who we are as individuals separate from our family of origin and as members of a wider society . Unfortunately for those around us , in this process many of us go into a period of withdrawing from responsibilities , which Erikson called a " moratorium . " And if we are unsuccessful in navigating this stage , we will experience role confusion and upheaval . A significant task for us is to establish a philosophy of life and in this process we tend to think in terms of ideals , which are conflict free , rather than reality , which is not . The problem is that we don 't have much experience and find it easy to substitute ideals for experience . However , we can also develop strong devotion to friends and causes . It is no surprise that our most significant relationships are with peer groups . Hope this helps to understand what is really going on during adolescence ! It is also important to remember that social media and parenting play a huge role in how children and adolescence feel about themselves . Fostering a positive self image and remembering to praise , PRAISE , PRAISE kids for their achievements , and trying not to focus so much on appearances helps . Also being actively involved in their lives ( but not smothering and restricting kids ) ! BALANCE IS KEY ( just like eating habits & exercise ! ! ! ! ) Like Julie stated , its also just a stage that most kids go through , and at some point you feel more appreciative of the compliments that focus on your accomplishments / personality rather than appearances . Really I could go on and on about this . . But I am going to stop . If you have questions please email me ( kahnh93 @ gmail . com ) ! Now that I got that off my chest . . . . phew . WorkoutAfter work , I headed to the gym . The clouds were about to burst as I was on my way and the humidity was super duper high ! ! Let me say , I am so glad that I didn 't do that spin class last night ! My legs felt so good ( though my abs and upper body were super sore ! ) I did a little over 4 mile on the treadmill in 34 minutes . A slower pace but I was increasing the incline while remaining at the same speed ( 7 . 2 ) , reaching about 4 . 0 . Incline is killer and really burns ! I would have done more but one of the new trainers at the gym asked me earlier if he could practice doing an assessment on me for training purposes . I am always up to help . He just had me do some stretches , squats , pushups etc . The main purpose was for him to learn how to communicate what he wanted me to do . He also told me that it was evident that my IT Band was sore as well as my lats and tricips ( YESS so true ) But he told me at the end that he failed his little test because he was not able to communicate correctly what he wanted me to do . He asked if later on I would do it again so he could see how far he had advanced . I did some stretches and abs and then . . . Did some intervals between the treadmill and stair climber ( similar to last week ) . half a mile on treadmill , 5 minutes on stair climber . . x 4 times ( about , since I kept switching between the two by the time the 4th round came up , all the stair climbers were taken so I didn 't do the last one ) The first half mile and last were slower . . but the two middle ones I did in 3 : 30 ( about 9 . 0 pace ! AHH ! Very tough , and I was dying ! ) I am growing to love doing sprints more and more ! ! ! Definitely feel it afterwords ! ! I also have to admit my competitive edge came out a bit . A guy hopped on the treadmill next to me , and although I was not planning to sprint the last half miler very fast I increased the speed to 9 . 2 ( i think ) just for fun . Can you tell I really like to race people ! ! ? ? I always do this at the gym . . I HATE when other people go faster or farther than me . . . it really is a downfall because I will push myself to hard . I am working on it I swear ! ! The trainer bought me a shake for helping him out . Though I wasn 't in the mood for one . . I took him up and got a matcha green tea smoothie ! MM . . tasted like a milkshake ! I drank some and put the rest in the freezer . . . Sometimes my stomach can 't handle too much after a tough run ! yes , i always did . I had curly hair when a lot of other people didn 't . I didn 't always have the cool clothes . I was soo self concious and always wanted to fit in . He makes me sweat and I generally don 't sweat when I do strength training . I love when others push me , like in classes because I don 't push myself until I burn when I am on my own ! Definitely helps me a lot ( I have noticed that I say definitely a lot ! ) I do like P90X and even like some of the cardio , but generally just do the strength training aspect of P90X . I have to say the X Stretch is $ $ $ $ ! I did it at one point when i was training for my marathon after a long run , and I felt wonderful the next day ! ! ! If you have P90X . . DO IT ! ! It is AWESOME ! Then 20 - 20 - 20 class ! Which was KILLLLER ! We did a sprint across the gym two times , which I love because it bring out my competitive edge . . the last person had to do pushups , and I totallly kicked everyone else 's ass . Hahaha . . I tried something different for breakfast . A coffee smoothie . We are running a bit low on frozen fruit . . and I am trying to save a bit of money . . So I just used what I had . . Coffee , Ice , and Vanilla Protein Powder I haven 't done P90X in forever and remember when I did in last spring I was in AAAAmmmAAzing shape ! ! It was tough ! I was sweating after the first set of push ups ! ! Soo . . . Jay and I live in a kind of up and coming area . the woman who lives next door to us is older and has lived here for 30 years . We have not exactly gotten along too well and have gotten into a couple arguments about stupid things . For example , she yelled at us for putting our garbage on her side of the side walk , past the line that seperates our property from her 's . She also yelled at us for not cleaning up garbage on Christmas Eve , as we were leaving to go to our family , as well as yelling at us for the roof repair man messing up her roof when he fixed ours . We rent so our landlord is responsible for repairs and we do not even get involved in repairs . As you can see , it is silly stuff and has resulted in a bad relationship between us . We have tried to be nice and say hello yet she ignores us . Lately she has been a bit nicer . She asked me to help her with a gate that was stuck in our backyard ( which is connected ) . Today she told me that I was beautiful , had beautiful legs , and told me she was bored because she doesn 't have much to do and doesn 't drive ! I headed out to go to the store and asked her if she needed anything , and she invited me in , and told me she was sorry for ever yelling at us , but she was this old lady that got angry sometimes and she did not know why . I felt so bad . I told her I understand and it happens to everyone , so she should not feel bad . I am so glad that is resolved and hope that we can have a good relationship in the future . I hate having poor relationships with those around me . . especially if that means that things will suffer when you want to do things . . I think forgiveness is essential in life and it is not worth worrying over petty things in order for you to be happy . Worrying causes you stress , causes you to loose sleep , affects your sleep , your looks , your weight , and your relationships . IT IS NOT WORTH IT ! ( channeling Hungry Runner Girl 's color changing type ) ! I did it last spring , and was in the best shape ever . I was also running a ton and had sooo much endurance ! ! Kind of want to do it again ! Or atleast partially ! Have you ever gotten into an argument with a neighbor ? Or someone close that was over something silly ? How does stress / worry affect you ? I really loose sleep when I am stressed . I have trouble sleeping as it is anyway so it is not good ! we barely moved . my step sister was hung over . . . i was tired . we jumped in the water - - we felt wonderful . . and then fell asleep . haha perfect rest day ! ! ! He went off to get a shower and get ready for work , and surprised me by making a yummy smoothie for me and him ! It was pretty good with orange , raspberries , banana , and protein powder . ( Though not as good as mine ! . . Needed to be a little thicker : ) ) I actually pretty much dragged myself there . Although it was perfect weather for a run . . There was NO way that I would make it . . probably be the person throwing up on the side of the street , and every one else looking at me like I am a pathetic mess ( I was , but I don 't want everyone else to see that ! ) Before heading home I decided to stop to clean my car in preparation for beach trip with my step sisters . I have not really vacuumed my car once since I got in back in December ! I even found somethings I had been missing like a headband that was in my field hockey bag in the trunk , & jumper cables ! . . and those came in handy when my car died because my battery is a little testy with me . I don 't like asking people to help me jump my car . . especially at a gas station where the crowd was a little iffy . Jason was on his way home from work and stopped by to help . : ) What a keeper ! There was a kick of for summer this weekend including a Taste of Philadelphia . . but traffic was horendous . So many people were around in the city . . Philadelphia Tri was also this weekend , as well as a ton of concerts . . Today is the beach ! Just a day trip , which was not the original plan but one of my step sisters couldn 't get off of work one day . . so a day is better than nothing . Thats the great thing about living so close to the shore . It is only about an hour drive ! - I am not a big drinker anymore . . a glass of wine once in a while , but I also have trouble digesting it . I used to get patches of red all over and a doctor told me that I was probably missing the enzyme to digest alcohol , resulting in the redness which is called the Asian Flush ( I am not Asian ! ) Alcohol really affects me but I still will go out once in a while to drink with friend . I am an old head . . and can 't handle it like I used to . . . My legs were tired from the spin class and sprints the previous day . . Something I did not notice until I was actually running . I did a lot of switches from the treadmill to stair climber , and did a bit on the elliptical as well ! A serious salad plate - - My salad cost me $ 13 dollars . . the number 1 reason why I bring my own food during the work day ! ! . . I piled on beets , chickpeas , tomato 's , cucumber , an egg , roasted asparagus , roasted carrots , as well as a black bean burger , and some cheese artichoke thing Jason wanted me to put in . He got chinese . . We walked around a bit . . venturing into Best Buy and Eastern Mountain Sports . . where we drooled a little bit over the kayak 's / canoes . . Would love to be able to do something like that this summer . Just cannot afford our own boat ! Before heading back home - we headed back to Wegman 's and grabbed some craft beer . They have an amazing selection of craft beers , local beer , & international beer . I always tell Jason about it ! He was pretty impressed ! All I did was run almost 7 . 5 miles and that was it . I tried to do some fast 1 / 4 miles by speeding up from 7 . 3 to 8 . 0 every other lap . I finished off with a 9 . 0 sprint for the last minute . . before heading home for a quick shower . . . . card games , some beer pong , snacks of veggies , hummus , chips , salsa , and guac . I felt like I was back in college . . and actually came home and passed out on the couch , waking up there at 5 am . Usually that is something Jason does , not me . After waking up and attempting to go back to sleep , unsuccessful , I am now watching girlie movies , and will probably try to sleep soon . This is not going to be one of those early workout Saturday 's as much as I wish it was ! Here are some great books that I read recently - because I have not had school and actually am able to read FUN books . I have to tell you that I love reading . Seriously . When I was younger I would read ALL THE TIME ! I would read books in a day , not putting them down until I was finished ! I read long books during elementary school . Some weeks I read 4 - 5 books in a week ! A real dork right here . . ! I still read books quickly . . and love to read whenever I have a chance ! Jason has also slowly become a book worm as time has gone on . We have a bookshelf filled with books for school - - for both of us , as well as books for pleasure . It is amazing . A great story , with many diverse characters that make you want to keep reading without stopping . I love the story between the two characters , and the character view of the older man looking back onto his life in the circus . It is heart wrenching at times to see the struggle of the old man in his current life . . Also a great love story between an animal and person . . Loved this book * * Amazon . com Review Nicole Krauss 's The History of Love is a hauntingly beautiful novel about two characters whose lives are woven together in such complex ways that even after the last page is turned , the reader is left to wonder what really happened . In the hands of a less gifted writer , unraveling this tangled web could easily give way to complete chaos . However , under Krauss 's watchful eye , these twists and turns only strengthen the impact of this enchanting book . What I Talk About When I Talk About RunningA Must read running book . This is a great story about the author , Haruki Murakami , and his journal on his training for the NYC Marathon . I think I need to read this again because just looking at it , makes me interested in it . He is an older man at this point with a love of running . He actually ran the original marathon course at one point on his own , not during a marathon , just to do it ! If you want to read an inspiring book that displays the passion and love of running that is not only fun , but also mind provoking . . this is it ! Little BeeInitially I was not too interested in this book , but my sister got it and gave it to me after not being too into it . After I began reading it . . I really got into it ! This book revolves around a little girl and her experience after seeing a brutal event along with a couple . . and the impact of that event . . I do not want to give too much away . But definitely recommend it ! A Dog 's PurposeIf you liked Marley & Me , Read this ! Jason 's mom gave this to me after reading it . This is a story about the life ( lives ) of a dog and his thoughts of life , humans and his perspective on everything in our life . Its humorous and heart wrenching . It made me think about what animals really think about us and what we do . As the story goes on , the dog finds out why he really is on this earth , and his purpose - hence the title - in life . Breaking Night * * Made to Lifetime Movie ! ! Haha ! Makes this a MUST read of course ! Liz Murray is a woman who grew up in a house of drug use , and poverty . She soon leaves her family during her adolescence and becomes homeless ! She struggles with friends , love , school , and life in general . This is the story of her going from a life of struggles on the street to the academic life , and eventually to Harvard . This is not a book that I would usually pick off the shelf but decided to pick something a little different this time . After sprinting 1 / 4 of a lap in less than 2 minutes . . . I decided to go to a spin class . . haven 't been to a spin class for 2 years ! It was pretty intense and fun ! I don 't know why I made a list . I seriously love all veggies ! Potatoes are probably my least favorite , though recently I have discovered a love for sweet potatoes ! What gross veggies are there ? I was sad to skip my 20 - 20 - 20 work out at the gym this morning but felt like I had to skip the morning work out to get to a Doctor 's appointment for one of my clients . It generally takes me an hour to get there but there is always traffic . With the 20 - 20 - 20 class I would have had seriously 1 / 2 hour to shower and get ready to give myself an hour to leave and that would be pushing it . I so wished I had gotten it in during the morning . . My energy level was definitely low when I left my last client and I was hungry after not having eaten since 11 : 30 am . ( It was 4ish . . ) Its a great running and biking path . it was super busy due to the good weather ( not too hot / not to cold . . ) It was perfect because I struggle during very hot or extreme cold . . I did about 12 - 13 miles ? . . no watch or whatever but I know about how long the run was . There is a loop that is 8 . 5 miles and I did more than that . I made a point not to go too fast . I always push myself too much and then die out . So I just ran for distance rather than speed . I ran for about an hour and a half , included some incline up and down . I usually do the art museum steps but decided to forgo that and headed to the gym to get some much needed stretching and strength training in . I haven 't strength trained for a couple days , only did a little on Saturday . . . Although I think Ryan is super cute , I really like J . P . and Ames . I don 't think Ames is the most attractive guy but he is super sweet ! ! ! A million times better than Bentley ! maybe its my love for adrenaline , and I decided to jump at the opportunity to go to the shooting range when Jason mentioned it . Its something that I know scares me , and something that I want to try , but was not sure about it . Jason has been to the shooting range lately , using a gun that his Dad gave him a couple years ago . I shot the gun multiple times and then just broke down and said I did not want to do it . My eyes watered , . It was too scary , too much , and I did not like it ! I used to work at the catering hall and am not a big fan of the place for a wedding as it is not generally a unique place for a wedding and there was actually another wedding going on . The guests from both weddings were together in the cocktail hour . . Not a fan ! the main course ok . . Initially the server gave me the chicken , and another person the fish . Luckily she recognized that her " chicken " was very flakey ! When I asked the server if it was fish . . she said " I think so . . . " which was not too convincing for me . . Luckily before I dug in , I went to the bathroom , and by the time I came back the mix up was fixed ! I gobbled up the veggies , the fish was ok . . but I could tell it was pretty greasy , and the potato . . ehh , no so much ! We met a great couple sitting next to us . They were in their 40 's and they had left their kids at the hotel , but they were great to talk to and very intelligent . She contracts work for NASA and he contracts work for the government ! ! We were wondering what happened to the cake . . and they actually served it in little baggies to go . ( they have always done that at this place . . to save time & money ! ) I don 't think it is the usual , and I was not really a fan but . . . We did not stay too long . We left around 10 : 45 . . tired and full , and feeling very old . Everyone was heading to the hotel bar but we all decided not to ! I told Jay and he told me I still look great . Its nothing to worry about but . . I even got asked at the gym today how I stay so in shape ! So I should not worry about the numbers but still . . its a bit shocking since this is the heaviest I have been since my sophomore / junior year of college when I was loosing all the weight from my freshman year !
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Goodbye Florida ! Posted on August 7 , 2014 by schmids1 Hello Milwaukee , WI ! You read right , my little family of three is moving from the sunny , and warm state of Florida , to the very , very cold state of Wisconsin . I couldn 't be anymore excited . Im sure people up there will think im crazy for being happy to leave Florida , but I 've never been happy here . My parents moved here from New Jersey when I was a baby , and we left all my family behind . Every time I visited up north , I knew one day I would move back . Florida is full of chains , tourists , and traffic . Sixty degrees is our winter and our summers reach around ninety - eight degrees . It downpours everyday in the summer , and the humidity is suffocating . In order to get anywhere you have to drive . The entire state can be defined by suburban sprawl . I want to live somewhere where I can walk to a little coffee shop , or bike to the store . I want to be able to hang outside without needing to run inside after fifteen minutes in order to avoid heat exhaustion . You cant even enjoy the beach in the summer because the sand gets so hot it burns your feet , and the water is so warm , its not even refreshing . I will miss the pretty sunsets , and getting to wear flip flops year round , but it is nothing compared to all the great things ill be experiencing in Wisconsin . I will get to actually wear fall and winter clothes ! Not just a cardigan and light scarf . Emma will get to experience white Christmases . I could go on and on , but ill stop rambling . Now , I am DREADING the move . My boyfriend will be driving the Uhaul , which will be trailing his car , and ill be driving our other car with Emma and our dog , Oliver . We are trying to go straight through without stopping to sleep . We are thinking it should take about 20 hours or so . If anyone has any tips on traveling with a baby , or tips for long distance moving at all , PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE feel free to leave a comment . This is our first road trip with Emma and it 's the longest move we 've ever made . We are moving exactly a month from today , so I am starting to get anxious . xoxoxo My Daughter Is A High Needs Baby Posted on July 31 , 2014 by schmids1 My daughter turned six months this past Sunday . As I reflect on these past six months , the typical things come to mind . " Where did the time go , she is growing so fast , I miss how little she was , etc . . " Most people say they wish time would slow down , however I am yearning for her to grow older . Don 't get me wrong , I love my daughter , but I am OVER this baby stage . I have a high needs baby . Now if you don 't know what that is , go read this article . Basically she is excessively fussy and needy . Constantly wants to be held - while im standing up , refuses anything synthetic ( swing , bouncer , baby bottle , pacifier ) , and is probably only happy for 1 - 2 hours a day . The rest is spent fussing , crying , yelling , and well , you get it . After multiple doctors visits and spending many late nights researching why my daughter cries 24 / 7 I finally stumbled across the above website and everything clicked together . I couldn 't believe that I figured out the problem ! Since then , we 've been able to handle her a little better . We know her triggers and what makes her happy and we take it day by day . Some days are absolutely awful , while others are pretty decent ! She loves to be outside , and she loves her jumper but you have to switch her activities every 10 - 15 minutes or else she has a meltdown , obviously she loves to be held , and she HAS to get put down for a nap every hour and a half . I spend 20 - 30 minutes rocking her to sleep in order to put her down for a nap . Also , she is still waking up every two to three hours at night to comfort nurse , since unfortunately she uses me as a pacifier . I cant wait for her to get older so this stage can get a little better . From what I 've read , some high needs babies turn into great kids , and others turn into whats known as a " spirited toddler . " Emma also had colic , which she grew out of at 4 months and she has pretty bad acid reflux . So we 've got our hands full . It 's definitely very hard when you carry around this little baby for 40 weeks and you dream about what she will be like , and you fall in love with her , and cant wait to see her smiles , and hear her laughs , and then when she arrives its nothing like you imagined . I didnt think it would be all rainbows and unicorns , I knew it would be hard , but I didnt know it would be this hard . I hate that I look at my friends babies and wish that my daughter was like them . Their babies hardly ever cry , fall asleep on their own , will sit and entertain themselves , and are just so sweet and happy and It kills me that Emma isn 't happy . I hate to see her cry all day and no matter what I do , not much makes her happy . With all that said , I wouldn 't change a single thing about her . The things that do make her happy are so uniquely her and I love it . She is obsessed with bottles and cans , and water faucets . She loves to talk to herself in the mirror . When I pick her up after a nap , or when she wakes up at night , she clings to me and paws at me with her hands in the most gentle way . She loves to stand and bounce , and even when she is laying down she kicks her legs and tries to bounce . She has taught me patience and unconditional love . The most frustrating aspect of having a high needs baby isn 't Emma , its all of the people around us who say its our fault . They say " there is no such thing as high needs , you 're just spoiling her . " " It 's probably from you picking her up when she cries . " " Have you tried not breastfeeding her and forcing a bottle ? " " Oh she is probably just hungry , tired , needs to be changed , etc . " Heres a thought , why don 't YOU spend a whole day with her and then tell me these things . First of all , you cant spoil a baby , at least one under six months . Secondly I don 't immediately pick her up when she cries , I give her a few minutes to see if she figures it out on her own , then I will go get her . Forcing a bottle , are you stupid ? Im not going to starve her until she takes a bottle and I like breastfeeding her anyway . And lastly , im her mother , don 't you think i would know if she was hungry , tired , or needed to be changed ? Whether she becomes a happy toddler , or a spirited one , wont matter much to me . On both the bad and good days I love her just the same . If you think you might have a high needs baby then I highly suggest you check out the fussy baby site and the Facebook support group . On Bees and Efs Posted on July 25 , 2014 by schmids1 Do you - or did you ever - have a Best Friend ? Do you believe in the idea of one person whose friendship matters the most ? Tell us a story about your BFF ( or lack thereof ) . I like to think that I have had many Best Friends . Things happen though . You get older , people change , conflicts can arise . In Elementary School I had a few good friends . I spent all my time with these girls but there was one who I definitely identified as my best friend . I was at her house every weekend ! We traveled together , went from thinking boys were gross to hanging pictures of them on our walls together , and she helped me get through my parents divorce . Of coarse we fought constantly , but we always got over it a few minutes later . While im not sure exactly what happened , I know our fights got a little worse and more hurtful as we grew older . It wasn 't fighting over games , it was fighting over friends and back stabbing . Calling each other very hurtful things . Middle school can be a very rough time . We still never stopped being best friends until high school came around . We ended up going to different schools and making different friends . The first year we would see each other like once a month , after that im not sure what exactly happened . Now we just like each others posts on Facebook and that is about as much contact as we have . In High School I never really had a best friend until I started dating my boyfriend . I didn 't know a single person at the school and was really quiet . I made the Varsity cheerleading squad my freshman year and even that didn 't get me many friends . None of the girls from my old cheerleading squads were on the team and they all knew each other already . I spent most of my time with these girls but I would hardly call them my friends . I had a couple other friends I spent time with but I didn 't necessarily enjoy spending my time with them either . Sophomore year rolls around and that is when I started dating Austin . I never knew what a good relationship was until I was with him . The absolute best relationship you can be in , is one with your best friend . We definitely didnt start out as best friends . I hardly knew him , he had AP world history and math class with me . He was the kiTagged best friend , bff , friendship , on bees and efs , ping , thoughts | Jobs Posted on July 24 , 2014 by schmids1 The thing that has been consuming about 85 % of my thoughts this past month has been work . Specifically entry level jobs . While i have yet to graduate college , I will be doing so within a few months , and all I have to put on my resume is a fast food job and a job as an assistant nurse . You would think that at least the assistant nurse would help me out , considering my degree is public health , but it doesn 't . The type of career im looking for will most likely be one out of an office building , therefore I need office skills and experience . I figured hey , might as well get a head start and apply to entry level office jobs . Nope . Nope , nope , double nope , triple nope , no . Apparently entry level jobs no longer mean entry level . All of these jobs have requirements of at least 1 - 3 years of experience in an office setting , or such . The ones that do not say they require that , all email me saying there are people more qualified than I am . OF COARSE THERE ARE PEOPLE MORE QUALIFIED THAN ME ! But isn 't this an ENTRY LEVEL JOB ? ! ? ! I might be wrong , but I thought that meant a job for people with little to no experience ? Im pretty sure I have enough experience to be a receptionist . So now my dilemma is this : If I cant even get an entry level office job , as a receptionist for example , how will I ever get a job in an office setting ? Specifically a job that is not entry level , but one that my super fancy , expensive , college degree is suppose to help me get . I apply to at least ten receptionist / administrative assistant / front desk type jobs daily , and have yet to hear back from any . This is making me question my decision to go to college in the first place , and rack up thousands in debt . This is making me terrified of the future . My future . Posted in Uncategorized | The Mommy Diaries Posted on July 22 , 2014 by schmids1 On May 24th , 2013 It was my best friends birthday . It was also the day I texted her , in a panic , a picture of a positive pregnancy test . I just kept asking her " what do I tell my Boyfriend ( Austin ) ? " Im pretty sure I almost fainted when I saw those two little pink lines . I took the test , set it on the counter , and took a shower because I was about 99 % sure it would be negative . I actually forgot all about it until I went to brush my hair and saw the test out of the corner of my eyes . All I can remember is immediately texting my best friend and then thinking now what ? I don 't remember feeling happy , sad , scared , or anything for that matter . Just now what ? Will I get to finish college ? Will my Boyfriend support this ? What will my parents think ? All of those thoughts disappeared that night when I told Austin . When he got home from his hockey game I told him to look in the bathroom … felt like ages till he came out of there haha . Anyways , he came out with a smile , and hugged me , and said we would be fine . After that , any fearful thought I had was gone . We were both ecstatic ! We waited to tell family members until after the first doctors appointment , and waited to tell friends until we found out if we were having a girl or boy . My pregnancy started out as a semi - normal one . I had horrible morning sickness , I lost a ton of weight because I threw up everything I ate . I didn 't start to show until about sixteen weeks . Then I started having frequent Braxton Hicks contractions around twenty weeks . My doctor said I was working too hard and I needed to take it easy . These false contractions continued till the day I was in labor . I also had a bad case of GERD . I ended up developing pre - eclampsia in the last eight weeks of my pregnancy but my doctors didn 't seem worried enough to induce me . They just told me to stay off my feet , and to relax . Well I had to stay off my feet because my legs and feet were so swollen not a single shoe fit . I had to wear slippers everywhere I went , and even those left indents in my feet from being too tight . I was miserable and told my doctors I wanted to be induced . At 40 weeks exactly my induction date was January 29th , 2014 . Emma had other plans . January 27th , 2014 Emma Jayne was born and our lives were forever changed . The night before , Austin was about an hour and a half away , and I kept telling him I was having contractions but they were so far apart I wasn 't sure if it was them or the Braxton Hicks . I threw up more times than I could count and could hardly get out of bed . He got home later that night and I felt much better . We watched movies till three in the morning and passed out ( with the exception of me waking up every 45 minutes to pee ) . Around 6am something woke me up . I remember waking up in tears . I went to take a bath and then felt it , fully awake , the worst pain I 've ever felt in my life . I texted my Soul Mommy ( I couldn 't have gotten through my pregnancy without her , we were both pregnant and miserable and helped each other through and I am so thankful for her ) I think this is it ! Of coarse she was awake and just as excited as I was ; by the way she ended up having her precious little man two days after I had Emma . I yelled out for Austin but I knew he wouldn 't wake up . So I did my best to get out of the bath , get dressed , and wake him up . " Austin take me to the fucking hospital now " is along the lines of what I said . Needless to say he jumped up and grabbed everything , meanwhile im laying on the couch feeling like im dying . Thanks to my speed racer , around ten minutes later we were at the hospital . I was already 5cm dilated and they told me they had to admit me and get me into the labor suite before I could have an epidural . Then I had to get my IV which I was terrified of , and they had to do it twice because they messed up . That was horrible . I didn 't receive my epidural until 10 : 30am and I literally did not feel a thing while they put it in . I kept telling Austin , I don 't think this is right , I can still feel the contractions . My nurse kept telling me it takes a while sometimes to kick in . About an hour later a new nurse came in and said why are you still in pain ? She ordered for them to redo it and finally I was feeling good . Apparently it only took on the right side of my body , this occurs in less than 7 % of people . Im just that lucky . While all of this is going on , I cant stop throwing up because my acid reflux was going crazy . And it turns out my potassium was so dangerously low that it was life threatening . It should be around 3 . 6 - 5 . 2 and mine was a 2 . 3 . Below 2 . 5 is considered life threatening . Basically it leads to cardiac arrest . So I had to keep drinking this disgusting salty orange juice type thing , while I was in labor . In addition to all of this my blood pressure was sky rocketing . At one point it was 173 / 118 . So I was going through a lot . Emma ended up being in the posterior position which causes back labor , which is more severe contractions . It is also more difficult to deliver vaginally . My doctor was certain that I could do it though , and after three and a half hours of pushing , about 11 hours total of labor , switching positions , my epidural wearing off halfway through , using a vacuum , having to drink this super sour thing to stop me from throwing up , getting an episiotomy , and many mental breakdowns , Emma was born at 5 : 18pm . There was meconium in the water so they had to immediately take Emma from me to make sure she didn 't swallow any . While that was happening , the doctors were stabbing me with all sorts of needles , trying to fix my blood pressure and numb me up . They had to put me on a 24 hour magnesium drip . At this point I don 't remember much because I was on so many drugs and so weak . I couldn 't ' even hold my daughter , except to breastfeed . Austin was amazing and did everything for her and I . I wasn 't able to walk until about three days later . I didn 't fully recover from the dizziness and high blood pressure until a month postpartum . I was in the hospital for 6 days total . As horrible as everything went , It was all so worth it . We are completely smitten by our daughter , and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me . Before Anything Else Posted on July 18 , 2014 by schmids1 Before anything else , my name is Samantha . I am twenty - two years old , and I have a 5 month old daughter named Emma Jayne . I am a college student studying public health , a girlfriend of six years , and I am currently experiencing life right between here and there . I am really looking forward to this new project of mine , and hope you all enjoy the reads . I love feedback , positive or negative , so don 't be a ghost reader ! XOXOXO
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Living alone means doing everything alone - from cleaning , doing the laundry , to people 's most abhorred chore , ironing . I swear I long for the days when I just come out of my room and say " Manang , paki press naman " but here in my side of the world , that is a luxury I cannot afford . Ironing is a once - in - two - weeks chore ; part of my so - called journey to domesticity . During the first try , I poured water inside the iron and turned it on . To my horror , the water leaked out of the iron and my board was totally soaked . I did it twice , but nothing changed . A few months later , after some online research , I read from somewhere that to prevent water from leaking , the iron should be extremely hot for it to do its magic . And so I gave it a try . I poured water and waited for maybe a minute or two , or until the light went off , signaling that the iron is hot and ready . I started with my dark - washed jeans . The iron glided so smoothly , I didn 't even have to iron the same part twice . I tried it on a couple of tops , and I love how soft they turned out . Oftentimes , when you iron clothes , they tend to feel tight - and rough in the case of jeans - but with steam ironing , it feels light and clean . Ironing time is also cut into half ! ( Now I sound like an ad . ) These are just some of my little discoveries as I try to live a domesticated life . The only thing lacking before I totally dethrone Martha is the scent of apples and cinnamon baking in the oven - but I do have to buy an oven first , or have a proper kitchen at least . For now I 'm just happy with being a domestic - goddess in the making , learning to master a chore - one step at a time . Each morning I wake up and try to let go of yesterday . I whisper a prayer of praise and thanksgiving , for allowing me to live yet another day . I do have a long list of things to be thankful for , but in prayers , I keep it simple by saying thank You for everything - for all that I am , for all that I have . An article written by the Associated Press says giving thanks or showing your gratitude can be healthy . Psych professors that were interviewed for the story tell readers that simple gratitude makes people happier and gives off an " incredible " feeling . It also serves as a " stress buffer " because grateful people are less likely to feel anger and unpleasant emotions . So as we celebrate Thanksgiving Day , sans turkey and cranberry gravy here in the Orient , I will recall some things , people and experiences which I have been grateful for the past months . For finishing graduate school on time and under full scholarship . It has long been a promise between me and myself that I wouldn 't spend a single cent to go to grad school , and I 'm thankful it happened . For a job that is stable and pays for my bills . I do not have a reason to stay here in Taipei without a full - time job , and for that I am truly grateful . For nice colleagues who treat me as a local . Sure we 've all heard of nightmare stories on horrible office mates and bosses , but I feel just at ease with them ( I do hope they feel the same way too , if bribing them with Marty 's chicharon and Nagaraya would do the trick haha ! ) For people who have helped me adjust in this new phase . The transition from being a student to being a part of the working class is not easy . More so moving in / out of apartments and getting sick . After finishing school , I didn 't know there would be people who would care to check on me once in a while . For whoever invented Skype . Skype makes cold lonely nights bearable when I spend long hours talking to friends online . It also bridges the distance between me , my parents and my brothers , which eventually inspired me to write a thesis on mothering online . For all the pains , problems , persecutions . I never thought the song that goes " You made me stronger by breaking my heart " would hit home , in a not so love - related kind of way . Well , maybe yes - - love in a greater scheme . For the presence of friends . That even though half of my heart longs for them , it makes me happy knowing nothing has ever changed in our years or decades of friendship despite being miles away . For my family who have always made me feel loved no matter what . I have become strong , remembering all those nights that I cried myself to sleep . I learned the value of faith - in just about everything . For Him , who will always be there , beyond forever . How about you , what are you thankful for ? It 's not yet Valentine 's Day . There are no heart - shaped balloons , fancy bouquets made of Ferrero , nor corny love songs playing in the air . However , despite Valentine 's Day being four months away , I think I just found a perfect place where lovers can spend their evening together on that most expensive time of the year ( yes , more expensive than Christmas , I reckon ) . Welcome to Lover 's Tower , where not only lovers , but people whom I prefer to call as " single entities " can enjoy the breathtaking night scenery of Taipei . Located 45 minutes away from downtown Taipei area , Fullon Hotel 's Lover 's Tower is a new tourist attraction that is yet to be discovered . You step into a ride , something similar to a cable car - only bigger and round , with a sitting capacity of maybe 50 to 60 - and it takes you to the top of the 100 - meter observatory tower . This ride is not for the faint - hearted and people suffering from acrophobia ( fear of heights ) . But yeah , it may help if you put your arms around that person you 're with . Just be sure you 're putting your arms around the right person , because they dim the lights once you start your way up . I think it is more recommended to visit Lover 's Tower at night time so you can also take a glimpse of the Lover 's Bridge ( without taking the ridiculously - priced mini - ferry ride ) . I swear I do not know what is wrong with this place that they name everything with the word " Lover 's . " Taipei is not the most romantic place on earth , I kid you not . Although we came without our lovers , the three of us enjoyed the panoramic view ! It 's worth taking a trip here if you are visiting Taipei . Other places around the area that you could also visit would include Danshui old streets and Fisherman 's wharf . Posted by Ten years ago , in a room situated in the corner of our high school building ( that odd room with windows always wide - open you can smell the reeking scent of unwashed humanity ) , I was seated beside a girl whose baon would consist of an assortment of veggies ( usually broccoli ) and burnt hotdogs . Seated behind me was a shy , quiet girl who , ironically , would receive roses and chocolates even on an ordinary day . I was not the friendliest girl then , but thanks to my myopia , I became instant friends with the girls who would willingly lend me their notes because I can barely see what is written on the blackboard . I owe my fond high school memories , most especially Physics tutor classes , to these girls . Had I taken another degree , or went to some other path , I don 't think the friendship I have with Monica ( then broccoli girl , now Dra . Madera ) and Monnette ( then shy girl , now Excess Super - - - oops typo hahaha - - - , now a sassy professional working in Citi Group ) would ever be the same . They have already visited me twice here in Taipei , when I was still a graduate student , and now that I 'm already working . They booked their October trip June of this year , without having the slightest idea that I will find a job here in Taipei right after graduation . The pictures are some of my favorite shots taken with my trusty Lumix and tripod . It 's funny how people giggle at the sight of me tinkering with the camera and setting the tripod . You can even hear them say " 好棒喔 ! " ( Amazing ! ) Here I am writing a little something for that genius of a man who was the brain behind my five - year old white Macbook . Steven Paul Jobs changed the world . He changed people 's lives . His legacy will remain forever , in our fingertips , in our ears , in our hearts , in our every day . He created an avenue for all people , young and old , to have a taste of the latest innovation . I almost lost track of all ' technological advancements ' but I make sure I try to catch up . My iPod nano and first generation iPod with video are still with me , working perfectly . Thank you , Steve , for a Job very well done . Now time for some creativity there in heaven ! I was in charge of our paper 's tribute page to Steve Jobs . After sorting a pile ( gazillion ) of photos , I came up with this layout , with articles varying from Reuters , AP and AFP . I must say , today 's paper is one of the neatest we had since I started working . This is for a legend . " Here 's to the crazy ones . The rebels . The troublemakers . The ones who see things differently . While some may see them as the crazy ones , we see genius . Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world , are the ones who do . " Steven Paul Jobs , 1955 - 2011 I wrote last year that my 22nd birthday was the last birthday that I 'm going to celebrate here in Taipei . But lo and behold , God works in mysterious ways . I 'm still here ; still learning how to go through each day with a big heart and a giant faith . Now that I 'm 23 , I can truly attest that the most important lessons are not taught in even the most prestigious university . The values and principles I uphold come from the school of life . We live not with huge amount of money or any material things , but we survive by having the capability to discern what is right from wrong . All these ideals spring from our daily lived experiences - successes , obstacles , pains , failures and disappointments . In this 23 years of existence , I have always known that I don 't and I won 't have everything in life , but I know for a fact that the people I have in my life now are the best blessings from the highest heavens , and to me they already are my everything . There is so much more to learn , so many places in the world I want to see , and the best motivation for me is to never stop dreaming , praying , and yes … working ( hahaha ! ) Posted by There are days when I complain that I don 't get enough sleep . But not today . I slept from 12 midnight and woke up at 11 in the morning . Dragged my still sleepy self to the bathroom then checked emails . I ran downstairs to buy something for lunch because I know by around 12 noon , people will be lining up in all restaurants , including 7 - Eleven and Family Mart . I bought some beef rice and a fruit box . I realized I haven 't had fruits lately . Back home , my mom would always have a stock of grapes , oranges , pomelos and all other fruits in the fridge . Swear she 'd pity me when she sees the fridge here . And so I had my lunch and . . . I went to bed again . For another hour and a half . I 'm such a bum during my off days . I put it on the schedule to clean on Thursday night so I can rest and do whatever I want on a Friday . I think I showered at 4pm and went out of the house before 5 . I met with my friend Erica and bummed around city hall . The European - inspired mall Bella Vita have some event going on , we were curious so we went in , hence the picture with the teacups . We were both amused with the huge cups and ran when saw one cup vacant . Bella Vita is one of the many malls here in Taipei where you cant really buy a single thing because it 's all branded , you wont even have the courage to go inside the boutiques and look around . Another mall of that level would be Taipei 101 . But Taipei 101 has a food court which still makes it friendly to the middle - class people like us ( hahah ) . We had some cold as ice Hainanese chicken for dinner , and a very disappointing , not to mention pricey , green tea with Yakult drink . 50Lan would always be my favorite . And then we headed home before 8 . Good boring girls like us dont like noisy bars and night life . So because I had 13 hours of sleep , I don 't feel like dozing off any time soon . Half past one in the morning and I 'm still online . The other day , I was having the worst period cramps and I found myself inside the bathroom at 2am , trying to do a hot compress with the help of a face towel and really hot water from the faucet , which eventually worked . The pain was excruciating , plus the migraine yesterday . Gaaaah . These are the times when you don 't want to be alone ( when I say alone , I mean living alone ) . I had throbbing migraine this morning , I woke up at 5am just to pop two capsules of Advil with an empty stomach , is that even good ? Anyway , I 'm still alive . Coping . And after writing three paragraphs and playing Adele on iTunes , I 'm still full of energy . I need to sleep to feel really well - rested again . Sorry , this is me bumming . Posted by This time last year , I just moved in to my new place ( a service apartment as my friend used to say ) , busying myself with concept maps , thesis consultations and writing endless drafts . This time this year , I 'm adjusting ( now a bit well - adjusted ) to my new place , new work , new life . I see it as a routine now . Getting up late in the morning , skyping with mom , although sometimes I end up staring at the screen because we both have nothing to say . Then I would eat a not - so healthy breakfast that consists of water , milk , or iced coffee , and an assortment of bread . Still with the Skype on , I take a shower and my mom waits for me . I get ready for work , dry my hair , the works . If I wake up extra early , I still make it to the noon mass at the church nearby . Otherwise , I hurry to the office and grab anything at the healthy buffet for lunch . Working as an editor means being in charge of several pages or sections of the newspaper . For me , I treat my pages as my babies . You take care of the news and choose what 's best for those pages assigned to you . You read and re - read , re - write . You choose pictures that elicit emotions . It involves a lot of patience and energy because you deal with deadlines by the hour . Break time is at dinner time , although it may also be spent wisely by reading proofs ( or in my case , watching Grey 's and DC Cupcakes in the office cafeteria haha ! ) . When the paper comes out the following day , keep your fingers crossed , it 's time to pray , panic and scramble for all the possible errors and wish that you still have a job the next day . That 's life now . It 's September , so time to start my countdown to December ( and ze birthday ! ) : ) Elizabeth Gilbert wrote , " To find the balance you want , this is what you must become . You must keep your feet grounded so firmly on the earth that it 's like you have four legs instead of two . That way , you can stay in the world . But you must stop looking at the world through your head . You must look through your heart instead . That way , you will know God . " The recent trip I had to the US opened my eyes , that life can be just so unfair but it can still be beautiful , if we decide to accept and live with the everyday reality . My heart was bursting with emotions before leaving - pain , joy , gladness , gratitude , disappointment , weariness . But all these melted and now I find myself at a steady pace , living each day one moment at a time . I ate , I prayed , I loved . I enjoyed my vacation with my brother who I haven 't seen for one year and seven months , my aunt who is so dear to me , and her family , with my cousins , friends , and with myself . The whole time I was having a conversation with myself in my head , on where the road has taken me , on where I 'm headed , on God 's plan . It feels nice to be at peace , away from all the worries , even if it 's only for a couple of weeks , and to surround yourself with love from special people in your life . My life was never eventful . Make it into a story , or a movie , and perhaps you will doze off after three minutes . I 'm your typical Filipino - Chinese girl who has overprotective parents and lives a very sheltered life . Back in high school , it was just school - house - school - house routine , except for the usual merienda breaks in many fast - food chains near school or my weeknights spent at tutorial classes for deadly Physics class . In college , I did the same . School has always been the top priority . I didn 't do parties and other extra curricular stuff that would eat up my time ( except for the campus ministry ) . The goal was to be on the dean 's list every semester and to finish with honors . I didn 't fret much because I have my best group of friends in the university . We did the same things together . Boring . But this was pre - Taiwan , circa 2001 to 2008 . I experienced a major life makeover in 2009 . I journeyed alone in the land of xiao long bao and spent the first month crying myself to sleep . Two years after , I found myself enjoying the convenience of practically all things in Taipei . And little did I know that God was brewing up something for me . Who would have thought that I will end up extending my stay in my adoptive land ? And this is how my life became a tiny bit exciting . Before I finished writing my thesis , I went to some interviews and ended up in a trial period of one company . I didn 't really expect good results because the main objective was just to try it out , pass or fail , without really considering to extend . I prayed so hard for strength and guidance for me to perform well because apparently , ( and this is a rare case for me ) I like the work so much . I started working after I defended my thesis and thus the start of the most agonizing week in my entire existence . I was thinking whether I 'd be able to get the job or not . I prayed for God to just take me wherever He wants and I will just follow . I think I was really praying hard to our mother and to my patron saint , St . Therese , that I once saw myself in my own dream , still praying . Scary I know , but that is me when Im trying to overcome anxiety . Two weeks after the trial period , I was told that I 'm officially hired . My heart was literally jumping up and down . The next thing up on the list is to find an apartment . I was dreading this one . How the heck will I look for an apartment in a foreign land - - without my parents ? " Freaking out " is an understatement . I experienced major palpitations while browsing housing websites . To sum up , I visited a total of 10 houses , and called maybe 20 landlords . It was the adventure of a lifetime and I kid you not . I have two Taiwanese friends who did most of the calling . They printed out the maps and accompanied me to each house . I was already crying last week because I cannot find a place that I really want . And then as always , God moves in mysterious ways . On Friday ( July 1 ) , my friend and I visited the last place on the paper . This should be okay , my friend said . I just sighed and hoped for the best . We went and met the landlord , a couple in their late 50s . They are really nice . I felt the need to decide right then and there because I will be going home for a short while and I wanted to be settled after I get back . I confirmed the next day . The room has nice furniture , and the landlord is an important factor for me . However the problem is that I have no friend available to come with me for the contract signing scheduled for Monday . I can read Chinese but not a contract in full Chinese . I was thinking who to call for help and I thought of my Chinese teacher who has always offered help in everything . She gladly said yes and she went with me yesterday . I don 't even know how to thank her anymore . Everything fell into place because of her . She did all the talking with the landlord , she explainedThis is how blessed I am . This is how eventful my life is today . I know this will be a one big transition again but I am ready to embrace it , with God 's grace . I believe there is magic in my every day . We spent the whole morning yesterday in the new flat for the contract , then I worked in the afternoon until 9 in the evening , finally moved my stuff in my new room at around 11 , back in my friend 's place where I spent the previous nights to pack my things for today 's flight . I slept at around 3am , my heart still filled with gratitude . I really cannot imagine how the contract signing would go without my teacher . She managed to talk to the landlord and let me take the nicer room , to add more stuff and do some fixing . I left Taiwan with a huge smile and peace of mind this afternoon . I was also thankful that my cousins came right in time for a visit . They rescued me in all of my life 's stress and pressure . They spent three days in Taipei and ate and ate and ate . It was so nice to be with them again after how many years . I think we should do it more often , before we become old and busy with our lives . Motto : Xiao long bao everyday , everyday okay ! My thesis writing finally came to an end . I have yet to make a list of people to thank , those who made this project possible , most especially people who gave moral support when I was on the brink of giving up . And because I 'm such a fan girl , I had my book signed from the author of my thesis bible . Fan girl mode : ON Blessings . Forever indebted to Auntie Josie . I have some more revisions for my thesis but yes , I graduated last June 4 , 2011 , Master of Arts in International Communication Studies . I offer everything to Him , for all the blessings , for all people He sends to guide and light my way . Posted by Earlier this night I had one of those talks with my dad . After putting down the phone , I realized how grown up I have become , but then deep inside I still feel like a silly little girl who cries each time she gets fed up , stressed out , and does not know what to do . It was just so comforting to hear my dad speak to me about his worries . Those things he never told me before . It was also enlightening at the same time as he had directed me onto which path I should take and to be sure of the decisions I make . My heart finally sank when I heard him say he knows we will not see each other often as we want to , but I felt at ease because he is certain that I 'm on the right track . There are so many decisions I have made in the past . I don 't know if they were right or they were wrong . All I know is that from all those decisions , I was able to get to where I am now . It has always been one of the daunting tasks to do - deciding . I turn to my rosaries to keep me company and take away my fears . I have no idea where everything will lead . Try to break open my head now and you will definitely see thought bubbles swimming around : a bubble for thesis , for defense , for graduation , for career , for family , for friends , for God , for all things worth thinking of . Sometimes I do get tired of thinking . I want to snap out of reality and cast myself adrift in a sea of illusions . Daydreaming is fun but I hope it would be considered normal for daydreams to last for hours . But then I would not grow up and know the harsh realities of life if all I keep doing is to lock myself up in a roomful of fantasies . Just few days ago I was warming my hands with a mug of green tea latte in a nice coffee shop along Shida . I was soaking wet from the rain and nothing else could warm my dead tired spirit but a nice matcha . I started daydreaming , accompanied by some soulful jazz , and then suddenly I found myself in tears . That is what happens when you spend so much time alone . You grow weary . Over time I have been unlearning to wallow in self - pity . It is hard butHalf of me cannot wait for the new chapter to begin , but the other half is still in denial that two years have come and gone , and that Master 's degree I was just aiming for few years back , will now be conferred to me in a few weeks ' time . Life is fast . I 'm talking to my twenty - two year old self now , and maybe the next thing I know , the forty - year old me would be reading this blog and laughing at all the foolishness of my growing up years . By that time , I hope there would have been a mini me to share the wonderful lessons of life with . These are scattered thoughts in my head before hitting the sack on a Manic Monday . Today is one of those pleasant afternoons where I enjoy sipping some warm latte in the al fresco lounge of our cafeteria . I 've spent many a time spring of last year here at the same spot , just staring at the sky and marveling at the beauty of life . Isn 't it nice to reflect and keep your mind off things for a while ? It always makes me wonder how people like me cannot settle and enjoy a short moment , as if everyday is a thrill waiting to be experienced . I 'll be soon over and done with my own thrills and adventures . I want to take myself out there , to the real world that consumes almost everyone - where the only thing that matters is making a living and living a life . Something deep within is asking me a question . I spent days and nights thinking of the what ifs . I let myself drown in a sea of thoughts , of endless conversations in my head . I end up falling into a slumber , hoping that in my dreams , there is the answer . Life is simple . I just make it too complicated . I enjoy moments like this , having all the time in the world to dilly dally . Life is too beautiful to be wasted on doubts , fears and anger . Posted by Hey ho ! It 's April 1st today ! Where did the first quarter of the year go ? It felt like I slept through the entire month of February and March . I don 't really have much time to sit down in front of my laptop and write something about how life 's treating me , so here goes my post that will hopefully make up for my 2 - month absence in the blogging world . For starters , I 'm back in Taipei . I arrived last week of February just in time for enrollment and course registration . Then , I flew back home again after a week to be with mom for our trip to HK . It 's been quite a while since the two of us spent real quality mother - daughter bonding time . Each time I go back , my vacation feels really short . I make sure though that I don 't sleep in my own room just to be with her . I usually wake up in the middle of the night and find her arms wrapped around me . It feels so nice to wake up in her embrace , after not seeing her for months . Perhaps this is the main reason why I have some apprehensions about leaving and working from afar . I 'm at the crossroads lately because I don 't know how to plan . Nevertheless , I seek God 's guidance every day for the next step , the next plan , the next destination . I 'll go wherever He wants me to go . Thing is , I cant stop being a worrywart . My mind 's always afloat when I think of things like these . I try my best to reflect at night and unload all my worries . I like to savor the quiet of the night , just thinking of all the blessings I receive and saying my thanks through prayers . After all , what matters most I think , is that I wake up each day , I live the moment , and I let Him take care of the rest . My good friends also came over to visit me last Feb and March . Monnette , my close friend from highschool went with her sister . Ate Lisette and Kuya Ryx from college took a break from their work and I brought them around the city . Kaymee and her mom will be here end of April , and my dad next week ! Cant wait to give him a taste of my life here . He 's the one pushing me to stay here but … that I 'll have to think about . Highschool buddies for life . The weather 's pretty difficult to deal with nowadays . Winter 's over but we still get 10 - 12 degree cold weather from time to time , with occasional rain . I hate it because it makes me feel so gloomy . I sent some of my winter jackets because I think spring will start early . . . but no . It 's summer at home and I can almost smell the beach and sunscreen lotion . On other stuff , I 'm almost done with my intensive interviews . I promised my adviser to turn in my first draft of the discussion part after spring break . Yes , we have spring break . Some people asked me about my plans for the short vacation . I have plans - to stay in my room and write . I need motivation and not vacation at this point . And I figured out I 've had enough of that last year . I started my " be motivated " scheme by waking up before the break of dawn and sleeping at around 9pm . It 's refreshing . I write more coherent sentences when the world is quiet . Hay . Thesis the life , they say . Back to work . Bea and I mustered enough courage and braved the cold in Beijing and Shanghai for some well - deserved r & r . We visited majestic historical places and THE great wall of China . Climbing the great wall has been a long - time dream of mine . And finally , in a freaking 9 degrees below zero temperature , my childhood dream became reality . No longer just images printed in Chinese books and history materials . I shivered in the cold but I saw the greatness that is THE great wall . Places visited include Forbidden City , Tiananmen Square , Wang Fu Jing , Great Wall , Bird 's Nest , Water Cube , Ming Tombs , Guo Lin Peking Duck and other malls . Shanghai , on the other hand must have been one of the most beautiful cities I 've seen . It 's so beautiful that the word is just an understatement . We took the sleeper train from Beijing to Shanghai . We spent two days and one night here , visiting only The Bund , Nanjing East , Yu Yuan and Xindiandi . Everyday was labeled xiao long bao day . Shanghai 's European architecture swept me off my feet . We may both seem crazy in planning our trip to China in winter but we just want to escape the humdrum life in the tropics . It was nice roaming around unfamiliar streets and taking time to talk and sometimes enjoying the silence in the cold . Take advantage of every seat sale that Cebu Pacific has . Sign up and follow them in their Twitter accounts for latest updates . We also booked cheap hostels for a reasonable and budget - friendly trip . For first timers in China , getting a visa may be a bit tedious . I just turned 22 so they required a personal appearance . Add to that the Php 50 , 000 . 00 you need to have in your bank account . But other than that , if you get the visa , you 'll enjoy China ! ! ! The sun has set . The year is done . I am just excited thinking about my dreams to be fulfilled and prayers that will be answered in this year to come . 2011 will be kind and fabulous to everyone . I 'm a Filipina - Chinese currently living and working in Taipei . I enjoy long walks , long talks , long drives and bus rides . My blog is a chronicle of my life - precious moments spent with family and friends , my work and travels , my highs and lows - and all things mundane . Hello , world ! It 's been a while . . . a very long while . As I enter the second half of the year , I find myself embracing a new life . Th . . . Happy New Year ! How was your first week of the year 2017 ? I spent mine going back to work after a 12 - day holiday back home , unpacking , an . . . Recent Highlights Hi ! Just thought of writing a quick entry before going on a short vacation . I 've been clinging onto the verse above for the past 2 mo . . . Hello ! I just want to share these photos taken last Christmas . I 'm starting to miss everyone . We have all gone back to work , some to sch . . .
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Posted on December 16 , 2016 by jensenad Hello ! For those of you who aren 't aware , it 's December and Christmas is right around the corner . Christmas is the favorite holiday of everyone who matters , and has a lot of really fun traditions . Some folks go to church ( Catholics ) , some like to get really drunk ( single uncles ) , and some eat Chinese food ( Chinese people ) . A lot of people like to pretend that a fat man breaks into their house and gives away presents , almost like a reverse break - in . I tried to do that to my neighbors last year , but they called the police and said I was " just stealing their Oreos , " as if it was somebody 's fault other than their own that they left a package of candy cane Oreos on their kitchen counter for just anybody to take . As a special treat , I 'd like to share some of my favorite holiday traditions with you ! You can adopt some of these traditions if you 'd like , but you have to give me credit before you do . I 'm serious . I 'll call the police . Watching Home Alone . Home Alone has been statistically proven to be the best Christmas movie of all time ; in a recent poll , 9 out of 10 people prefer Home Alone to any other holiday movie . ( Like almost every fact I use , I made that up ) . It stars Macauley Culkin as Kevin McCallister , a young man who is left home alone by his family . He fends off The Wet Bandits with a series of clever tricks and pranks , and he uses his knowledge of his house and surrounding neighborhood to his advantage , much like the crafty Viet Cong . Listening to Michael Buble . Michael Buble has the croon to make the ladies swoon , and if you don 't believe me , listen to his Christmas album . I 'm not gay , but I 'd probably only resist a little if Michael Buble serenaded then tried to kiss me . I 'm in no position to deny a Buble smooch . I like to listen to " All I Want For Christmas Is You " and pretend he 's singing to me personally , because deep down I think he is . Anybody who says Mariah Carey has a better Christmas CD than Michael Buble deserves to lose someone they love . White Elephant . White Elephant is a fun game for families that don 't know each other well enough to buy personalized gifts . You pretty much just buy a random gift and throw it in a pile , then take turns choosing a new present or stealing someone else 's . It 's one of the few foolproof ways to ensure someone gets really mad at Christmas , because someone always comes away with a shitty present ( my Enrique Iglesias poster , my old Ja Rule CD , my empty iTunes gift card ) . A lot of my family members will tell you that my presents are always the worst , but they need to know that " worst " is an opinion and that it 's the thought that counts . Watching Home Alone 2 . Home Alone 2 is the sequel to the smash hit , Home Alone , which I discussed above . In this hilarious second installment , the Wet Bandits rebranded themselves as The Sticky Bandits . I didn 't think they could come up with a name that was more sexually suggestive than the first time around , but boy did they prove me wrong . The Home Alone series is proof that if you forget about your kids , only good things will happen . Decorating Your Car . A fun thing to do is put little antlers and a red nose on the front of your car . This is a festive way to let people know you 're kind of into Christmas , but even more into being a loser . My friend Paul did this once and I decided to one - up him , so I " accidentally " hit a deer on the side of the road and strapped him to the hood of my car . I painted his nose red and everything ! The police stopped me after about an hour . They said that it was a " safety hazard " and " against the law , " but I 'm pretty sure Paul was just jealous that I showed him up and got his cop buddies to rain on my parade . Low move , Paul . Dressing up as Santa . Dressking up as Santa is a fun tradition for a lot of families . Personally I think there 's something a little odd about a fat man who watches kids when they sleep , but maybe those CSI shows were wrong and those guys didn 't inappropriately touch those boys after all . Instead of dressing up and handing out presents , I like to take presents from people . I get a lot more gifts than I would otherwise , and I teach people about the dangers of assumption at the same time ! That 's what the holidays are all about . Slam Dunking the Star on top of the Christmas Tree . A lot of people simply place the star on top of their Christmas tree . But I 'll ask you one thing : did Michael Jordan simply " place " basketballs in the hoop ? He sure didn 't . Every year , my mom spends hours setting up the Christmas tree , and every year I slam dunk the star on top . This usually results in between 10 and 20 ornaments breaking , as well as tears from my mom and shouts / physical threats from my dad . But it 's tradition ! I 've been studying game film all year , and I think I 'm going with a 360 windmill jam this time around . It 'll probably break even more ornaments than usual , but you can 't make an omelet without crackin ' a few eggs ! Posted on September 9 , 2016 by jensenad I went to the movies the other day because my mom gave me a gift certificate and I had to use it or else it would 've expired . Technically it was my roommate 's mom who did the giving , and technically she gave the gift certificate to my roommate ; but I don 't like to get hung up on technical stuff , you guys . I went and asked very politely if they would play Alvin and the Chipmunks : Chipwrecked , but the ticket guy said they couldn 't . I even offered him some of my Fun Dip , and he still said no . Then I lied and told him it was my birthday , but he told me he remembered me from last time and that trick wouldn 't work again . Can you believe that ? ! What a sour puss . After that I decided to go see Sully , because Sully sounds like the name of a zany dog who gets into a number of adventures that happen to involve Matthew Broderick , Hollywood 's lovable loser . I wonder when Matthew Broderick will realize that he 's hit rock bottom ? Probably never . Before the movie they played a preview for a movie where Joseph Gordon Levitt plays a guy with glasses . He yells , " You have no idea how it feels to be in charge of other people 's lives , " which makes me think that the movie is probably a documentary about Joseph Gordon Levitt 's actual life . Everyone knows he 's the man in charge , and what he says goes . He 's got looks , and power . I 'm not gay , but if JGL ( my pet name for Joseph ) came up to me and tried to kiss me on the lips , I don 't know if I 'd put up much of a fight . I 'd probably let him kiss me on the cheek , just so he 'd come back for more . It 's important to play hard to get , especially when you 're dealing with a heartbreaker like Joseph Gordon Levitt . It turns out Sully has very little to do with dogs . It 's about a guy named Sullenberger who 's the captain of a plane . Clint Eastwood directed Sully , which is surprising because there was little to no obvious racism in this movie . Tom Hanks ( Bridge to Terabithia , owner of " Bubba Gump Shrimp " restaurant chain ) plays the main character , which was surprising to me . After Tom 's well documented flight troubles in Cast Away , there 's no way I 'd let him behind the controls . Plus , he had sex with a volleyball in that movie , which I personally find very hard to forgive . Pretty much the whole movie is Tom Hanks either talking about flying planes , or landing one in a river . I wasn 't really paying attention to the movie ( I was trying to steal popcorn from the guy next to me and he was being very rude about it ) . The most likely scenario is that Tom was watching the History Channel Original Show , American Pickers , and got caught up in the art of finding the best deal . Then he looked up , and realized they were landing in a river and not on the runway . One plus of landing in the river was that the passengers got to use the blow up slide to leave , which probably made the whole experience worth it . I ended up getting kicked out of the theater after that , because I was shouting " wheeeee " every time one of them went down the slide . For some reason they weren 't doing it in the movie , which made the whole thing totally unrealistic . When I pointed that out to the theater staff , they took me out of the theater and stole all of my Fun Dip ( approx . 8 packages ) . Tom Hanks ' mustache . Tom sported a beefy mustache throughout the movie , which was cool . People tend to respect men with mustaches . Food often gets stuck in mustaches for lengthy periods of time , and once it 's there it 's very hard to remove . I think people assume that if a guy cares so little about his appearance that he wears a mustache in public , he has very little to lose . Sully 's name . Sully 's name was an obvious homage to the classic film character " Sully " from Monsters , Inc . Tom Hanks was clearly very inspired by the 2001 animated film , and frankly , who can blame him . Monsters , Inc . was much better than this movie , because it had far less talk of planes , and death . No bathroom scenes . I like that there were no scenes of Tom Hanks going to the bathroom in this movie . Everyone goes , but I don 't want to see anyone doing their business , not even a famous star like Tom Hanks . The writers did a good job of leaving that out . Tom Hanks ' mustache . I know I said I liked it before , but the more I think about it , the more confusing it is . Mustaches are normally found on cowboys , and park rangers . Was he a cowboy , or a pilot ? Can 't have it both ways , Tom . Enough superhero movies ! I like a good superhero movie as much as the next guy , but this is getting ridiculous . Plus , Tom looks like a normal guy in this , no suit or cape or anything . How am I supposed to know who 's super and who 's not , without a cape ? Tom really dropped the ball on this one . Wear a cape next time , buddy ! No Joseph Gordon Levitt . He was in the previews , and after that I really had a hankering for some JGL . He should have been the co - pilot . Then when Tom Hanks says " BRACE FOR IMPACT , " Joseph could have reached out and grabbed his hand to let Tom know that everything would be okay . Joseph Gordon Levitt is the world 's guardian angel . There you have it ! Overall , I give Sully four out of five bags of crappy airplane cookies . See you at the movies ! I 'll be the one setting up my sleeping bag in the last row . Posted on August 4 , 2016 by jensenad Hello everyone . The 2016 Summer Olympics are almost here ! The Olympics are held every four years , and bring the world together to watch the athletes that got away with using PEDs compete for their respective countries . For those of you who don 't know , the Olympics began back in ancient Rome , when Julius Caesar challenged some guy to a push up contest . Since then the Olympics have evolved into a worldwide phenomenon , one that almost always leaves the host nation with crippling debt and allows Subway to remind people that they endorse professional athletes , and not just weird guys who like kids . This year 's Olympics are being held in Rio de Janeiro , and promise to leave Brazil an even bigger shithole than it was before , if you can believe it . The 2016 Games consist of 42 sports ; 306 events in only 19 days ! I know that sounds overwhelming , so I 've created a handy dandy Olympic Guide to assist you in nailing down exactly what you should and shouldn 't watch . First things first : a few facts about the host city . Rio de Janeiro was named after the 2011 animated feature film Rio , which featured Jesse Eisenberg and Anne Hathaway as the voices of the two main characters . There is no known record of the city 's name before the movie came out , and quite frankly , I don 't care to know it . Despite the film 's terrible stars , it was a moderate box office success that showcased some of the bright colors and spicy attitudes that permeate Brazilian culture . Experts say that the government of Brazil first began distributing colorful garments to distract its citizens from the poverty and crime that run rampant through the streets of the South American country , and the move has proven surprisingly effective . Brazil has a knack for churning out soccer stars , having won the FIFA World Cup a record 5 times . It is also home to a large swath of the Amazon River , which is surrounded by a dense tropical forest that the Brazilians are doing their best to destroy . No matter how many trees are chopped down each year , it never seems like enough . Brazil also has its own unique food ( I 'm assuming ) , but I don 't know any of the dishes because I don 't speak Portuguese and I 've never been there before . I think bananas grow there ? Nobody knows for sure . But enough fun facts ! You 're here for sports , and sports you shall have . I can 't go through every sport being played in the Olympics , because that would take too long and I have a lot of stuff to do today ( eat , sleep , watch National Treasure , etc . ) . Here are some things I think you should know before you tune in to Rio 2016 . Rowing is basically just a bunch of dudes racing in canoes . It might sound boring , and that 's because it is . If I wanted to watch people frantically row a boat , I 'd watch Titanic . At least I 'd see Kate Winslet 's boobs . Granted , the potential exists for aquatic crashes , fights , and possible anaconda attacks in the dirty Brazilian water . But I won 't watch . If I really wanted to see people row a boat on some river , I 'd watch my uncles try to fish . Fencing is like sword fighting , but for people who enjoy dressing like weird Storm Troopers and using little bendy swords instead of the actual ones you see on the HBO smash hit , Game of Thrones . I guess one of the guys ' helmets could fall off and then you could get some dramatic footage , but the odds of that are slim to none . If they want me to watch this , put the contestants in full knight armor and let ' em have at it . Rugby is like American football , but with no pads . Can you imagine football with no pads ? I can , but I probably couldn 't have before I watched rugby . Do I understand the rules ? Of course not , nobody does . I doubt even the players understand the rules , or the referees . But the New Zealand team does a dance when they win that reminds me of Lilo and Stitch , which is a great movie . I challenge anyone to dislike rugby , and I challenge anyone to dislike Lilo and Stitch . Seriously , if you say you don 't like that movie I 'll come to your house and make you watch the whole thing with me . Rugby : 10 / 10 will watch religiously . Volleyball is a pretty cool sport . It 's not as cool as rugby , but it is close . It 's like a big game of hot potato , which is a game I always won when I was little . Some people from my past might tell you I won because I cheated and threw the potato at the other players and scared them into quitting , but those people need to mind their own business and stop making excuses for things that happened a long time ago . Also , there 's the off chance that a spectator could get hit with a stray ball , which is funny , unless they 're old . They could die , and death is never funny ( unless the person who dies is Donald Trump ) . A lot of people only know volleyball as the thing that Tom Hanks drew a face on and had sex with in Cast Away , but I think it 's more fun as a sport . People like swimming , but I don 't really get it . The bathing suits are either way too revealing ( men ) or not nearly enough so ( women ) . If I wanted to see dudes walking around in Speedos , I 'd just watch my neighbor Gary try to sell lemonade to the neighborhood kids . No thanks , Gary . If people are swimming in the rivers of Brazil this has the potential to be somewhat exciting , due to the amount of chemical waste in the waterways surrounding Rio and the supposed dangerous animals that have shown up ( jellyfish , poisonous fish , Michael Phelps ) . I would probably tune in if they wore water wings , because watching people try to swim fast in water wings is hilarious . I know these are two different sports , but they 're essentially the same thing . It 's one team or person using a racquet to get a little object over onto the opponent 's side , and not letting it hit the ground . Both of these involve a good deal of skill , but apart from some thrilling volleys , are relatively boring . I propose that both of these events be turned into full contact sports . After all , most of the world 's best spectacles are full contact ( football , hockey , The Bachelorette ) , and it would greatly increase the entertainment value . Until then , hard pass on these two . Everywhere else in the world calls this sport football , because you kick a ball with your foot . But because Americans have to make everything way more difficult than it should be ( not using the metric system , calling the " bathroom " the " restroom , " having way more fat people than everywhere else ) , we call it soccer . Soccer is a very fun sport to play , but not so much to watch . Usually the matches only have one or two goals , and feature a lot of people falling down because they get breathed on too hard . If you 're interested in how to look like you know what you 're talking about with soccer , I wrote this about the World Cup in 2014 . There you have it ! I hope this has been informative for you guys . If anyone wants to come over and watch the Olympics with me , I 'll be painting " USA " on my chest in the mirror . After , we can do what every American Olympian does and go to Bennigan 's for 3 to 4 Monte Cristo sandwiches ( minimum ) . See you there ! Posted in Informational . For you , Bloggers . Tagged Brad Pitt , Brazil , Friendship , Jumping , Olympics , Rio de Janeiro , Sports , Volleyball Leave a comment Posted on July 6 , 2016 by jensenad Hello everyone . I just saw The Legend of Tarzan . I went to the theater by myself because I was bored and I haven 't really done anything in a while . Do you guys ever not do anything for a little bit , then realize you 've just been eating Sour Patch Kids for 2 weeks ? Me either . I saw the movie by myself because I wanted to . Some people might say I saw it by myself because I don 't have any friends , but those people should learn that sometimes solitude is a choice and they should keep their opinions to themselves . The Legend of Tarzan is about a guy named Tarzan who was raised by monkeys , went to England , and returned to the place he was raised . What do you guys think would be the hardest thing about being brought back to the place you were born after being gone for a long time ? I think it would probably be going to the bathroom . They took Tarzan from a place with no toilets , to a place with a lot of toilets , back to a place with no toilets . Talk about a shock . Most of the movie is Tarzan swinging from vines and getting into fights with animals , and people . Tarzan looks really strong in this movie , and I think he could probably beat me up if he wanted to . Then again , I 've taken a lot of karate lessons so it might be a good fight . Well , I haven 't taken lessons but I 've watched The Karate Kid like 12 times so I 'm probably just below a black belt . Do you guys think Tarzan has a black belt ? He probably doesn 't . Even with my extensive background in karate , Tarzan would probably beat me up because he has the power of the jungle behind him . I might be able to beat him if I fought dirty , like throwing sand in his eyes or paying the person he loves the most to desert him the night before the fight . I don 't think I 'd fight dirty , but you can never underestimate a man on the edge . Either way , I think we could learn to become friends and not fight at all , and then split approximately two whole packs of Flavor Ices . I 'd even let him have some of the blue ones if he wanted , but I 'd keep most of them for myself . Even if he was my best friend , I have to look out for numero uno . Jumping . There was a lot of jumping in this movie , which is a good workout . Most of the movie was Tarzan either jumping at , or over , people and animals . If I had to bet , I 'd say Tarzan can probably dunk a basketball , although I doubt he 'd even know what it was . Talk about a waste of talent . Animals . I like animals , and there were a lot of them in this movie . Lions , monkeys , elephants , you name it . In my opinion , not enough time was devoted to watching Tarzan pet the animals . All animals like to be pet , even the stingy ones who play tough to get . No Jane Goodall . Jane Goodall is a woman who thinks she knows everything about monkeys . There was a Jane in this movie , but it wasn 't Jane Goodall , thank God . I bet Goodall would try to tell Tarzan not to wrestle with the monkeys , which would have ruined like half the movie . You don 't know everything . Have some humility , Jane Goodall . No Phil Collins . There wasn 't a single Phil Collins song in this movie , which I thought was extremely rude . Many people ( me ) have called Phil Collins , " The Voice of Tarzan , " and it was pretty lame that he wasn 't in this film at all . No Brad Pitt . Brad Pitt is my favorite actor , and it felt like a deliberate slight to not cast him as Tarzan , or at least as Jane . Brad Pitt is pretty enough to play Jane , and I think it would have been a progressive choice by the director . It 's 2016 ! Men can play ladies if they want , and vice versa . Should have brought in Brad . Unrealistic . There was an incident a little bit ago where a gorilla got a hold of a child at a zoo . The Legend of Tarzan would have you believe that the little boy would grow up to be great warrior and be able to grab stuff with his feet , but all that happened was Harambe the gorilla got shot . I stood up and said , " This one 's for Harambe ! " during one of the fight scenes , and everyone clapped . Then I said it like 15 more times , and they forcibly removed me from the theater . What are they trying to hide ? We may never know . I really liked The Legend of Tarzan . It was probably the best non - animated adaptation of a story about a man raised by monkeys that I 've ever seen . Overall , I give this movie five out of five banana peels . See you at the movies ! I 'll be the one trying to borrow some of your candy . Posted on April 14 , 2016 by jensenad Let me preface this by saying that I am not dying . At least I don 't think I am . Although I do have a pretty bad pain in my back at the moment , but it 's probably either from the 10 , 000 push - ups I did last week ( not true ) or the fact that I got drunk and passed out in my hallway this weekend ( true ) . This is merely an exercise that I came across and thought looked interesting , so I 'm doing it . Please don 't spread the word that I am dying . It will somehow get back to my mother , and she will be pissed at me . If you are reading this , then I 've kicked the bucket . Just like Sean Bean 's character in any movie or show Sean Bean has ever been in , I am dead . Let me first say sorry , because the world just lost a pretty good guy and an even better petter of dogs . I will undoubtedly have perished doing something incredibly badass , like riding a shark , or base jumping from the world 's tallest building , or removing the tags from my mattress even though it 's against federal law . My lifestyle can be best described as " rock and roll , " and I spent most of my time on Earth demonstrating to people that I was a cowboy who played by no man 's rules but my own . It was a life well lived , to be sure . I have a few requests for my funeral , and I 'll list them here shortly . Just keep in mind that these wishes have to be granted , it 's basically a law . If any of these are neglected , I 'm going to come back and haunt the shit out of you . Each one of my pall bearers should be dressed as a different character from The Avengers . Nobody will be Captain America , because I still very much believe that he is real . A spot will be left for him to carry the casket , even if he 's probably got way more important shit to take care of , like saving the planet or thinking about his long lost love . There must be a wolf howling when my body is lowered into the ground . I don 't care how it 's accomplished , it just needs to happen . Wolves have been scientifically proven to be the most badass animal on the planet , and if one is howling as I 'm laid to rest people will realize that I was even cooler than they could have possibly imagined , because I clearly affected this wolf in a very profound way . I would like a 21 gun salute , but not in the traditional sense ; I know that those are reserved for members of the military , and I respect our soldiers too much to take that from them . At my funeral , the gun shots will be replaced by the hand claps from the hit sitcom , Friends . I should also mention that in a perfect world , the cast would be there to do the claps . But I understand that there is a bit of enmity between the former members of the show , and will begrudgingly accept if the cast isn 't present . A random person that nobody else knows should step forward at some point and proclaim that I was " the voice of a generation . " That person will then try to keep talking , be overcome with emotion , and leave the cemetery . I will accept the hiring of a professional actor to fill this role . Please do not read from The Bible . The Bible is boring . I 'm not discounting its historical and religious importance , but people will probably fall asleep if you read from The Bible . Instead , read a number of important quotes from the Harry Potter series . People will probably be fucking psyched about it , as I know I would be . " Best funeral ever , " they 'll say . My eulogy should imply that I was a quiet but very influential member of several prominent bands . The bands do not necessarily have to be named , but slipping song titles into the eulogy ( i . e . " Under the Bridge , " " All Star , " " With Arms Wide Open , " etc . ) is encouraged . Have both a dog and a cat at the entrance to the funeral . People can pet whichever they choose , but if they don 't pet either one , then send them the fuck away . They are not welcome at my service . At some point , Kid Rock 's " Bawitdaba " must be played while my close friends and family form a mosh pit . This will undoubtedly make them extremely uncomfortable , but I do not care . It will show the big guy upstairs that while I may not have lived the most virtuous life , I do have a sense of humor . " That 's fucking hilarious Adam , " He 'll probably say , and we 'll do some crazy handshake and drink some hot chocolate about it or maybe even a Triple Thick Strawberry Banana milkshake . They must mosh until the song ends , no exceptions . There you have it . I believe these requests to be both reasonable and feasible , and there will be serious spiritual repercussions if any of these tasks go undone . If you ever get rained on before an important meeting , or it seems like nothing 's going your way , or a gust of wind blows your sailboat out to sea and you get involved in some sort of daring adventure involving pirates and treasure and damsels in distress and then Tom Hanks plays you in a movie based on that true story , just know the Big Man upstairs and I are cheering you on . Have a good life ! I 'll be waiting for you up top . Posted on August 14 , 2014 by jensenad " Hey , I 've got an idea . Let 's take our old cars and drive up and down the street ! " - An Idiot I wasn 't around when the Woodward Dream Cruise started , but I imagine the conversation to get it started went a lot like that . A lot of people say that if they had a time machine , they 'd go back and kill Hitler . I wouldn 't . I would go back , get Hitler , bring him back here , and put him behind the wheel of a car while he 's stuck in bumper to bumper traffic for hours and hours . For those of you who are mercifully unaware of what the Woodward Dream Cruise is , I 'll enlighten you . It 's an annual celebration of classic hot rods and American muscle cars ; a weekend where people from all over the country descend upon a small stretch of highway in southeastern Michigan to rev their engines and waste thousands of gallons of one of the most valuable fuel sources available to mankind . It 's like one big NASCAR event , if there was a NASCAR event that involved cars maxing out at 10 MPH ; one where nobody wins , but almost everybody loses . The Dream Cruise brings a lot of money to the area , and I suppose for that I should be thankful . Except the businesses that tend to receive the money ; motels , fast food restaurants , etc . ; usually attract society 's lower rung . For instance , one of the motels that rely heavily on the Dream Cruise weekend to stay afloat was the site of a murder last year . But any press is good press , right ? They love the Dream Cruise because , well , it 's free . These peoples ' idea of entertainment is setting up a lawn chair , downing a few Budweisers , and watching old folks listen to Bruce Springsteen . These are the people who have Dale Earnhardt - themed birthday cakes , even though he died 15 years ago ( RIP , Intimidator ) . The people who have Truck Nutz swinging from their ' 89 Dodge Ram . The people who eat regularly at Fuddruckers . They often attend Monster Truck events . These guys are different . They don 't care about the " Classic " cars , and they could give a shit about you and your family . They drive something like a Ford Probe or Dodge Neon with tinted windows and a super loud muffler , usually blaring an " underground " white rapper ( probably their cousin ) who uses far too many curse words . They use this weekend to try to forget that they dropped out of high school , and they 'll fight you if you look at their car wrong , or look too educated . They 'll probably be wearing FUBU jerseys and smoking Menthol cigarettes . The classic Dream Cruiser . A cross between Back Woods and Young Gun , these people are here to get drunk and see how many people they can offend at once . Taking a break from their trailers and guns , you 'll usually find male White Trashers with either camo shirts , Oakley Gas Can sunglasses , and sagging jean shorts ; many times , all at once . Like the Young Guns , they 're drawn to loud music , and tend to identify with the shittier cars on display . They won 't take off their sunglasses if they 're inside , unless it 's to put them on the back of their head . Females tend to sport lower back tattoos , multiple body piercings , and clothes that show far too much skin for a family event . This is the guy from out of town who heard about " a place to show off your car " and decided to drive up his brand new Corvette . He 's under the impression that women will flock to his ride , and he 's usually wearing far too much cologne . He gets pissed at little kids when they touch his car , and has little to no people skills . In short , he 's a douche , one who 's way out of his element . The Dream Cruise brings together these societal outsiders and gives them a place to thrive . It also means that for three days , it 's impossible to find a parking spot in front of my own house . My 10 minute drive to work turns into 45 . People throw trash on my lawn , fight each other , and occasionally , key my car . Wohoo ! Dream Cruise ! REV YOUR ENGINE LOUDER , DO IT LOUDER , PEEL OUT , YES YES YES YES ! ! ! CRUISIN ' WOODWARD ! ! ! The thing is , I honestly don 't have a problem with any of the people I listed above ; as long as they don 't make my life a living hell . Live your life how you want , enjoy what you want to enjoy . If you want to spend your free time watching other people in traffic , go ahead . If you want to buy your clinically obese 9 year old multiple elephant ears , you should do that ! Do what you want ! Just don 't do it so damn close to my house . The Fourth of July is a holiday uniquely American in its tradition . Independence Day , as it is often called , celebrates the day that George Washington first bit into a hot and juicy Ballpark Frank . It 's called " Independence Day " because our country 's first president was tired of counting on the British for food and was determined to eat what he liked , when he wanted . The British are notoriously disgusting eaters , and consume snails and fish eggs and even animal poop I think . George wasn 't having any of that shit ( ha ! ) , which is why many people around the country tend to commemorate the holiday by firing up their grills ( not the kind you put in your teeth ) and cooking up some hot dogs . Grilling hot dogs is one of the most American things you can do , along with owning guns and invading other people 's land . George Washington did all three , and that 's why he was elected president . People celebrate the Fourth in a number of different ways ; in truth , there are very few wrong ways to celebrate the best country on earth . I , for one , try to do everything that French people cannot do , like be nice to my neighbors and think about how my country has won wars before . Could you imagine living in France ? I could never hate myself that much . Here are a few popular ways to honor America on this country 's most special day . Hot Dogs . I touched on the hot diggity dogs up above , but they can 't be mentioned enough . It 's been said that along with hamburgers , hot dogs are one of the only foods that is almost entirely American in origin . In fact , legend has it that the first hot dog ever was made by George Washington with the meat of his conquered British enemies on the battlefield . I don 't know if that 's true or not , but I do know that the British aren 't to be trusted . Boats . I believe that George Washington tactfully chose July 4th as the date with which America would be remembered , for the simple fact that in almost every part of the country , July represents the height of boating season . Fun fact : it has never rained on the Fourth of July , not even once . There are a few " Boats and No 's " , things you shouldn 't do on the open water , the most important of which is wearing a shirt while you swim . It doesn 't matter how fat you are , that white undershirt isn 't doing anything to hide your girth , and frankly you 're disrespecting the founding fathers when you wear one . The young men of America 's past didn 't die so you could embarrass your friends like that . Benjamin Franklin ( the guy who invented the kite ) was pretty tubby , but he wouldn 't be caught dead wearing a shirt while swimming . Fireworks . Depending on whom you ask , fireworks are either a child 's favorite holiday delight or a Vietnam War veteran 's worst nightmare . Either way , fireworks represent the most legal way to blow things up , something that Americans have been innately drawn to do for centuries . The Fourth of July is the United States ' birthday , and I consider fireworks to be the candles of America . Movies . If you don 't have access to a grill , a boat , or fireworks , fear not ; you can still bask in the glory of Uncle Sam . Almost every television station in the country plays patriotic movies all Fourth of July weekend , as they damn well should . Your tube will undoubtedly be filled with such iconic films as The Patriot , Independence Day , and the National Treasure series , among others . These features star noted Americans Mel Gibson , Will Smith , and Nicolas Cage . It 's estimated that if the Americans had the sleuthing skills of Nicolas Cage back when they were fighting the British , we would have won the Revolutionary War in less than three weeks . He truly is The National Treasure . Just remember : America was founded on the idea of freedom for every man , so no matter what , don 't let anybody dictate how you should spend your Independence Day . If your neighbors , the " police , " or even your family try to get in the way of your patriotism , tell them you bleed Red , White , and Blue . Show everybody just how American you are by chugging a Budweiser on your boat , with the Union Jack draped around your shoulders and Francis Scott Key 's pièce de résistance playing in the background ; and know that you 're living in the greatest country on the planet . Posted in Informational . For you , Bloggers . Tagged Benjamin Franklin , Boats , Brad Pitt , Fireworks , Fourth of July , Independence Day , Vietnam War , Will Smith Leave a comment Posted on June 20 , 2014 by jensenad Social media is pretty much the best thing to happen to the world since that meteor killed all the dinosaurs , and it might even be better than that . Without that meteor , we might not be here . And without social media , we might all still have people skills . Before social media , people talked to each other , like with their faces and mouths and stuff ( ew ! ) . Now , I consider time wasted if I 'm not looking at my phone . But a lot of people aren 't using social media the way it was intended : talking about yourself , 24 / 7 . Do you work out ? Prove it . Instagram and Facebook are tailor made so you can show off those stunning ' ceps , bro . Zuckerberg and his nerd friends are pretty much begging you to post your routine online . Don 't be afraid to post 4 to 5 photos / videos per workout , preferably showing as much skin as possible . That 's it ; flex . Do you wear a shirt when you swoll ? Lose it , pussy . And don 't forget to throw as many hashtags as possible in that post . A few favorites : Remember , with each additional hashtag you 're gaining that much more exposure . How else are strangers going to be able to look at your luscious bod ? As Jessica Simpson once said , " These glutes were made for stalkin ' , and that 's just what they 'll do . " No , she didn 't say that , but I did . Working out is practically your job , because chances are you actually don 't have one . What are you eating ? I want to know . I need to know . Did you make it yourself ? Bonus points . Make sure you note that when you upload the pic of your glorified grilled cheese . Subway turned you down when you were fourteen , so you need to show those asswipes what they missed . As far as pictures of food go , there 's no better way to let everyone out there know you have a tenuous knowledge of a microwave oven . We both know that " chicken " you grilled the other day was dryer than Clint Eastwood 's hands , but guess what ? That won 't show in the picture . Get ready to reel in the likes , baby . Don 't be afraid to throw in an inspirational quote , even if you don 't know / comprehend its full meaning . " You are what you eat ! " Well I guess you ate a social media maven , my cannibalistic friend . How am I supposed to remember significant events and culture from my childhood if they 're not put into a list and shoved into my face on social media ? Did I watch Nickelodeon ? I can 't remember . Oh , wait ; now I can . Speaking from personal experience , I had absolutely NO idea what to do after I graduated college . It 's not like I spent the previous 21 years of my life preparing myself for the real world or anything . So it came as a huge relief when someone I barely know posted about the 20 Things I Had To Do In My 20 's . What a lifesaver . I now know that if I 'm offered anything other than my dream job in the only city in the world I want to live in , I should turn it down . All thanks to you . Oh , and if you read an article on Buzzfeed , be sure to take the " facts " presented and quote them incessantly . After all , Buzzfeed is the pinnacle of journalistic integrity . What they say is pretty much law . If one of their articles says Brad Pitt is an asshole , well then . I 'm disappointed in you , Brad . If you 've got an opinion on anything it needs to be shared online , especially if that opinion deals with a controversial issue . Abortion , gun laws , the legalization of gay marriage ; it 's all gold . Don 't know anything about the topic ? Doesn 't matter . Don 't have any statistics or facts to back up your argument ? Even better . Go into your iPhone , open up ' Notes , ' and type until you 've offended as many people as possible . Screenshot , post , wait . All you have to do is pretend you 're really passionate about the issue , and call any and all people that disagree with you racist / sexist / wrong . " You don 't like Obama , is that because you hate gay people ? You must hate African Americans then . You have to pick one , which one do you hate ? You bigot . " It doesn 't make sense , but so what ? If they keep coming back , attack their personal character . Pull out some really private stuff that they can 't recover from . " You don 't like the gun laws in this country , but remember that time you kissed your sister on the lips and told me about it in complete confidence ? " Pat yourself on the back . You just put your former best friend in his place , and became a trusted source for anything that matters in the process , to anyone that counts . Last but not least , we come to the people that really matter : the celebs . Nothing is worth doing if it 's not something someone famous would do . Do you think Keanu Reeves would post that picture of his lunch ? Yeah ? Your decision has been made for you ; do it . An easy way to let people know you 're deep and thoughtful as all hell is to post a picture of a celebrity with a quote in the foreground . Notice how I said " a quote , " not " a quote from that celebrity . " You can use whatever quote you want , it doesn 't matter . Nobody knows if Marilyn Monroe said any of those things in all the photos , but nobody can prove she didn 't , either . I posted a picture with a quote from Wesley Snipes the other day . Don 't believe me ? Don 't think he said that ? He probably didn 't . But hey , prove it . Maybe he really hated his neighbor Jim . We may never know for sure . There you have it . Follow these basic guidelines , and you can 't go wrong ; you 'll be racking up friends , likes , and followers in no time . Never forget : social media is a contest . You have to get more likes and retweets than your friends , or you 're pretty much the biggest loser that walks the earth . Posted on June 13 , 2014 by jensenad Are you ready for some football ? ! No , not that football . The other football . The one that 's played with , you know , feet . Once every four years , the best national teams around the globe converge on a Third World country to determine who is truly the greatest team on the planet . But that 's not all the FIFA World Cup does . It also presents a great time for everyone around the United States to pretend they are emotionally vested in a game of which they probably don 't know most of the rules . This year , the World Cup is being held in Brazil ; a country that has won the World Cup a record 5 times , most recently in 2002 . You might also know Brazil as being the South American country with a 26 % poverty rate , but hey , who 's counting ! The Brazilians enter the tournament ranked # 3 in FIFA 's World Rankings , behind only Spain and Germany ; but you already knew that , didn 't you ? You 're pretty much soccer 's biggest fan . While a few of you reading this might actually know a thing or two about soccer , I 'm betting that most of you can only name one or two players on the United States squad . What 's that ? Landon Donovan didn 't make it this year ? Okay , nevermind . Most of you probably can 't name a player on the US World Cup team . But have no fear ! I 'm here to bring you the crucial information you need to really show up your friends and those clowns at work ( suck it , Diane ) . Just remember these simple facts and wow the people around you with your incredible football knowledge ! Don 't call it soccer . That 's what assholes call it . Call it football . Or , if you 're feeling really superior , " fútbol . " The important difference here is that you need to make the other person feel like an idiot for not saying it the way you do . This also gives the impression that you may have at one point been to Europe . It doesn 't matter if that 's true or not , it just matters that they feel dumb . Pick one team and learn 3 - 4 players ' names . Nobody expects you to know every player on every team . Just pick one team and figure out how to pronounce a few names . In my opinion , it 's always good to find out who the superstar is , the second best player or so , the goalie ; excuse me , the " keeper ; " and one guy who probably isn 't as good . Just read some World Cup preview online and pick a guy they don 't talk about . Then you can say something like , " I don 't think the Netherlands has the firepower to match some of the better teams , but if Ron Vlaar can step up his game they might have a shot . " I don 't know who Ron Vlaar is . You don 't know who Ron Vlaar is . And unless the person you 're talking to is actually Ron Vlaar , they almost certainly don 't know who Ron Vlaar is . But guess what ? You just sounded smart as shit . Say things like , " That could have been a better ball . " This is especially true if any play comes close to going in the net . Don 't worry , that won 't happen that often . But when it does , be the first to tell everyone how it could have been executed better ; chances are it could 've . Nobody 's perfect , after all . Except you , you soccer stud . Root for the U . S . , but tell everyone they 're not going to win . This is just the truth . There 's nothing wrong with having a little national pride , but in all reality the United States is going to be hard pressed to make it out of the Group Stage ( the first part ) . Mia Hamm isn 't what she used to be . When in trouble , divert attention to something else . There may come a time when somebody asks you your opinion on a World - Cup related issue that you know nothing about . Don 't panic . I 've already written up a number of excuses for just such a scenario , which you can find here : There you have it . You are now well - equipped to school all the fools you want with your impressive World Cup knowledge . Oh , and always remember : sports .
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" Is there any such thing as too fresh ? I know something can be too rare or underdone . But no one ever says , " This salad is too fresh . " Do you know what I mean ? " asked Natalie . " I was at an audition once and I overhead the casting director say some chick was too fresh . So yeah I do think there 's such a thing . Are you coming along for the ride or what ? " Paul looked askance at her . The tempo was fast enough it got him spinning . Spinning in a good way . And he lost himself for a minute , he moved so fast , so far away . But then he came back again and looked at the report in front of him . The reports were coming in . A white female in her thirties saw a black Beemer with tinted windows cruising down the street real slow . She was taking video and she caught his tags . Later that night an Asian man in his fifties who was raking his lawn saw a man jump out of the moving car . One of the parts that concerned him was that the woman who turned in the footage was actually a well known civilian in the department . Apparently she kept dying and coming back to life . And lately the heat had been on her . The surveillance pictures were stacking up , stacks of HD cards . So it seemed odd that she just happened to have that footage . The truth was that he also wanted a piece of her . And this was his opportunity . He decided he would inject himself into the situation a little further . He called round and asked to speak to Heather McMillan . Could he have an interview with her ? Today would be best . Yes , the local bakery on Pearl , the Greek one . He wanted to talk to her over baklava and hot sweet coffee . He wanted to see what it looked like when she ate . He wanted to coolly watch all her mannerisms . He wanted to find her tells . He wanted in . He spent the rest of his day honing his routine . He needed to be prepared for this . He needed to be on his game . Better , harder , faster , stronger . He looked in the mirror and studied himself . He worked out on his home equipment and really took it to the next level . He admired his flexed arm , his flat sculpted hairless stomach , his jawline . He was always considered handsome in a very classical way . He had the square jaw and the even proportions of a movie star , except with the caveat of not having been overexposed . Yeah Brad Pitt was hot , but he wasn 't a fresh face . And he wasn 't Clint Eastwood . His jaw wasn 't overly prominent , it was just cut , so he wasn 't in any danger of having a double chin . This was important to him as he viewed people with double chins as inferior and he was used to relying on his good lucks to dominate women . He would make subtle criticisms to his dates about " watching your waistline " and " oh it looks like you 've been too busy to work out . " Then later he would drop hints that he could make things go a lot easier for them . The kind of ideas he had weren 't calculated , they stemmed from larger issues in his life . He didn 't set out to make promises he couldn 't keep , but then again he didn 't view them as promises , just previews of what could be in store for a lucky lady in the future . It wasn 't like he was promising them lear jets and horses in Aspen . It wasn 't like he bragged about himself to anyone who would listen , maybe to turn them off actually . It wasn 't like he had anything to hide . The skeletons in his closet had been swept up recently and discarded . He was given a new shot at life by the department . The department was his life . He loved it . There were people who were there who wanted to get away and he viewed them as traitors . He and his group of friends regularly hazed newcomers and they had been there ten years . The people who do the hazing are considered assets to the dept . Some of them are better at it than others . Sometimes the hazing is essentially torture for psychopaths and sociopaths to feed off of . The department is filled with sociopaths . The psychopaths are limited to two floors , because no one can stand them . He was considered a shoe - in , a rising star , a sure thing . He was powerful . Women did whatever he wanted and let him do whatever he wanted . Men aspired to be him . Everything had gone right . There was no abuse in his family . He was stable , he had a IQ of 190 , he was in perfect physical condition , even slightly underweight , and his teeth were white and pleasantly shaped and his breath was fresh . So when he promised new women a hand up , he meant they could ride his coattails , because it made him feel good . He was a star , but he loved em and left em . No attachments right now in his career at the dept . They told him , programmed him , taught him who he was and who he needed to be . His TV stations were limited to eleven and each one was wired to program him for a different thing . He knew about it , but he didn 't understand it and he was programmed not to anyway . It was kind of sad actually . There was a hole in his heart and it hurt . He kept trying to fill the hole , but the scar tissue made it tight and constricted . He thought if he only matched up and was successful enough . . . if he could catch some kidnappers and save a little girl with blonde hair and find his wife and have his kids . . . then he would be okay . What about right now ? He asked himself in an uncharacteristic stab at the heart of it . Was he okay now ? No ! And he wanted people to take care of him and coddle him , because it wasn 't ok . And people did that and while they were at it they took chunks of him with them . They were like wraiths coming down and sucking off his life force , because he was weak and he wasn 't okay despite every effort and every convenience . So it was with this desperate energy and a high sex drive that he arrived down the block from the " bakery . " He actually thought this place was stupid and now that he was thinking about it baklava was fattening and he didn 't want to look like a pig to Heather . He almost forgot about Heather , because he was so busy thinking about his bright future , but the mic in his ear came on . " She 's walking up now . South side of the street . " The thing is when he saw her something took over . He knew he was right about this . This felt right . She looked a little like a modern Barbie doll . God he wished her hair was longer . It was so short ! It made him feel weird . It was brown . The truth was he liked brunettes better than blondes . For him blondes were bimbos , well maybe not natural blondes , but those were hard to come by . He never liked red heads . He always felt he would fall in love with a woman with long straight brown hair like Demi Moore . Oh and she would have big tits . And she was smart and could help him . And she could give him what he needed to feel emotionally supported , physically met , and mentally challenged . But the woman standing in front of him inside the glass smudged doors wasn 't that woman . Heather was the one that got away . But it wasn 't over and he was going to get her . He was . When he opened the door he saw her watching him in the mirror in front of her . Right he had thought that since her back was facing him he could get in closer , surprising her , pushing her off kilter . But he did the same thing all the time . He stared at any reflective surface instead of looking directly at things . Well when he was working , but who was he kidding , he was doing that all the time . At the dept . there was never a day off . Not at the level he was on . She turned around and looked at him for a moment as if this was the beginning of her profile on him . He knew this was the face she would remember when he was old . And it was because of this face that she would make some last few moves before retiring on his behalf . But the look she cast on him was calm and even a bit cold . She wasn 't a psychopath , but he had been warned about her . He had to be very careful with her because the goal wasn 't to blow her cover , but after so many years they had to get closer to her . God after what happened a few days ago with her he felt protective . He heard that she made a bold move while she was in a veritable spotlight of scrutiny and no one knew if she knew they were watching . It seemed like she might know , but they all told themselves they were being silly . " How are you ? " Already he felt stupid . He said it in an overly friendly tone like a stranger with candy he thought . And he immediately regretted it and started obsessing about how much he hated child molesters . Then he tried not to think about that and casually looked at the menu . No espresso machine ? And then he felt relief and he didn 't know where it came from . But he was looking at her face and it was like it was radiating light . And he noticed she smelled good and her face was nice looking and her lips were full like a doll 's , and her shirt was tight and she looked strong . And then she did the strangest thing . She quickly grabbed his arm and pulled him outside like she was saving him . Outside cold air brought his senses back , but not completely , because she had touched him . And something happened , there was familiarity between them now and so quickly that he was caught off guard . He wanted to touch her again . They walked up the street . He turned the attention back to her . " Are you sure you 're okay ? " He was doing what the people in the dept . did to him . And he knew for a fact she wasn 't ok . So he did it a little viciously . If she wanted to play with the big boys she was going to get it just like everyone else . No special passes little missy . He wanted to be cruel , because he felt intimidated by her , but then he remembered how she died . Hm , he thought , I should definitely take the soft approach with her . And for a minute they walked silently while she tried not to cry . He witnessed her win that battle , but the reality was that he had actually won , because if he ever saw her break down and truly cry she would be in his soft spot . Also because he needed to cry too and he wouldn 't have to if she did it when things got tense . He realized he was thinking about her with an intensity that wasn 't warranted by how well he knew her . And when she cried he would feel okay and in charge . Because they all knew how delicate she really was . Her mental health was very unstable . Yes , he thought he could help her . His mission changed from help himself to help her . " That footage you turned in . Do you know why we 're looking for the car ? Did anyone tell you ? " That wasn 't what he thought he was going to ask . He had thought about that . He knew it was just a ruse to interview her . Maybe . Actually he hated to admit it , but he didn 't know what was going on anymore . A long time ago he thought he used to know . Not anymore . Oh well . C ' est la vie . Quick sendoff . " The team that analyzed the footage thought your angle on the car might reveal something better than what we had . " She put her sunglasses on and grabbed his arm again and pointed across the street at some graffiti . Again he felt like he was dragged into her world when she touched him . She was warm . All his prepared questions dropped away . He was brought back to the fact that they were undoubtably being viewed at the office on a big screen . A lot of people were watching them and he briefly felt overwhelmed by the pressure to perform . He frowned , but quickly covered it . She was still there , but he could feel her moving away . He felt like he had lost her again . It made him mad . He wanted to hold her as improbable as that was . He stood there in shock . It was as though the meeting had never taken place already - as heavily documented as it was . His mind felt like it was getting a sweeping with a broom . " I think it 'll be more natural if I take my car . You have to remember how many randoms there are following people around . " He said . He called the shots not them . They needed to know their place . When he got back in his car he popped a couple Xanax and chugged a bottled water . He had something for everything . But the meeting felt like it went wrong and it was an anti - climax . Heather was there one minute , gone the next . He remembered a moment when he was talking to her and he caught a young guy on a skateboard looking at her . He wanted to see her again , but he wasn 't sure if he could make it happen . That 's what he realistically thought , it was too risky . While he waited for the Xanax to kick in he turned on NPR and listened to Lakshmi Singh talk about the middle east . Forget it . He was going to treat himself to some steak and pomme frites and a glass of red wine at that restaurant down the street that had organic meat . Usually he would have called one of his stand by women , but this time he went alone . He was being watched by both teams . His own team and the " other " team . But it might have been his lucky day that he didn 't go back to the van and that he didn 't just drive home . " You have never once given me what I want . " He heard the voice of his ex girlfriend . His first long term girlfriend . It was one of those moments that haunted him . He felt like after a certain age some people just give up and start nodding and agreeing to everything , and then doing whatever they please . It was true if he had nodded and agreed with her she would 've been docile in a moment . Handling . Handling . He ordered a Scotch . He took another Xanax . He looked up and saw a beautiful Asian woman looking at him . A Japanese woman . He looked her in the eyes and nodded ever so slightly in approval . People in the restaurant took notice of him . He felt they were in agreement that he was a powerful successful man with no identity crises . The meeting with Heather drifted into the background . He pulled out his phone and drew up a list of photos . Here she was dragging a recycling bin with an earflap hat on . Here she was standing in the wind at a crosswalk . Here she was standing next to a homeless man . Standing , walking , running , but not sitting all that often . At least publicly . He wanted to be here with her . Watching her . He wanted to watch her in person . The video kept getting corrupted anyway . If he could watch her maybe he could unlock the mystery . He was feeling all gooey when he left and crossed to his car . He really shouldn 't have been driving but he did anyway . He did it occasionally . Point A to Point B . He got in his car and bent down to adjust the floor mat when a car cruised by . A Datson . He straightened up and took off . The guy in the Datson smiled and spun around to follow Marc . Marc 's fogged mind kept him from looking in his rear view . He blissfully drove home with the red car close behind .
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That is not one of the cup and saucer 's I am giving away , this set my mam gave me it 's Spode Blue Room Collection , pattern Geranium . I fancied a cup of tea using a cup and saucer , makes for more of a special occasion . The tea itself wasn 't too bad with the lemon and ginger . I got too much sun on Thursday morning while cutting the grass , so that 's why I wasn 't feeling too perky . I actually like this week 's " Home of the Week , " although I would never want to live there , as the $ 1 . 3 million price tag is way too high for me . One thing that does confuse me is the layout . The bedrooms are on the second floor , and the living / dining and kitchen is on the third floor ? Also did you see the views from the master and second bedroom . . . . . . . . . brick walls ? However I do like the way it 's decorated and the last photo says it all . I wonder if they have any outside space or parking ? The " Cottage of the Week , " is pretty nice and for once a decent price at $ 600 , 000 . Those wooden coffee tables are pretty neat and I LOVE the kitchen with the faux AGA stove . They are expensive to buy those , have looked into it , as it would be perfect in our kitchen . I could easily live there year round , though for part of the year I would be stuck in the covered sun room to escape all the biting bugs with all those trees ! ! The " Condo of the Week , " has gorgeous floors and a huge price tag ! ! ! Paying $ 1 . 3 million for this along with nearly $ 1 , 500 a month maintenance fees is crazy . I could live with the wood paneling but not in the kitchen as well , that is way over board . I 'll pass on this one . For a change I actually loved one house , liked another and only hated the condo ; that makes a change ! ! ! ! If you want to read how the housing market has been in Toronto this is an interesting article . Dd and son - in - law went through it in the Spring and they are outside of Toronto . I of course had to show you my reasonably straight lines when I am cutting grass ! ! The field is being cut north to south . Last week it was east to west ! ! Plus I cut some more grass , not much as I don 't have much gas . However by 8pm last night I went to bed to lay down as my back was killing me . Here I am on Wednesday morning and I 'm afraid to say I don 't feel too much better . My poor back is not happy , so I am guessing no more digging today . I will pop into town to get my gas tanks filled for the tractor and will at least get the rest of the grass cut as I don 't have to bend down to do that . Then hopefully by Thursday my back feels a bit better and I can do some more digging . Just pleased I managed to get something done in the garden for a change . Bit of a problem though it also came with the price list and at $ 90 to $ 125 CDN a gallon for the paint it 's a bit too pricey for me . The wallpaper runs at $ 175 to $ 275 for a 11 yard roll . I guess you could just paper a feature wall ? It 's flipping expensive though ? Regardless I put the paint chart on the family room wall to see what colours I liked . Still thinking about it , but I do know when I do paint it will be a nice light colour , to contrast the dark wood floors . Should say the wood panelling will be coming off at some point ! ! ! Dh is back at the hospital today to see the surgeon and to get his TWO stitches removed , You would think he was getting TWO HUNDRED stitches removed the way he was going on the other night ! ! ! As I pointed out , he was being a drama queen . He said I had no sympathy . . . . . . . . well duh . . . . . he 's only getting two flipping stitches removed . I had ten stitches in the one hand and six in the other and did I get any sympathy from him . . . . . . heck no ! ! ! ! So please think of me around 10 : 30 a . m . . . . . . . . . . . . . actually it will probably be around 12 noon before we get to see the surgeon . I am going along as I want him to make arrangements for a MRI on his other knee , as we want to know ahead of the game and try and prevent this happening to his " good " ' knee . If you hear of a British born woman murdering her dh because he wouldn 't stop whining . . . . . . . . . there 's a good chance you 'll know who that woman is ! ! ! ! It 's been too stinking hot and humid around here for me these past few days . Anyhow on Sunday I decided to cut the field as it was getting long again . I have to say it 's been a good summer as far as grass cutting goes . I missed a month of grass cutting due to it being so flipping hot and the grass not growing . Bathed Molly on Sunday morning ; gave me the evil eye for the rest of the day ! ! ! I don 't understand why she just doesn 't accept the situation . She has to have a bath , I am bigger than her , so I win not her ? Her skin feels nice and soft now . Jane and Chris rescued this dog ( Duncan ) last week . We were going to go and see him , but I don 't really want a dog that is only a year old . Cindy gave me some beets and a cucumber the other day . So for lunch on Sunday we had cheese and cucumber sandwiches . I love cheese sandwiches ; though I think it 's a toss up between cheese and red onion or cheese and tomatoes fresh from the garden sandwiches . My dad used to take cheese and jam sandwiches in his bait / lunch and my mam said the other day she was having cheese and chutney sandwiches for her lunch . I dislike both those types . Do you like cheese sandwiches and do you add something to them or just eat them plain ? For those of you who have read my blog recently will know I am hosting a baby shower for " R " who is Indian by birth . Her Indian " family " in Canada are having a baby shower in October for her . " R 's " hubby was in India at the beginning of the month , and " R 's " mother sent me , dd and her best friend a sari each for us to wear at the Indian baby shower . They are gorgeous and on Saturday morning , we went to this Indian lady 's house and had our measurements taken so she can make us the blouses to go under the sari 's . She is also going to " alter " the actual sari material , so we can use the " cheats " method of putting on the sari , without having to get someone to help us . Here is a you tube video that shows you how to put on a sari and it 's quite interesting . So our sari will already have the pleats in place and we can fasten it with Velcro . . . YEAH ! ! ! ! The lady 's daughter had one of those and she was nine ; our excuse is we never wear sari 's normally ! ! ! ! " R 's " mother also sent us the matching jewelry and this is what I am going to show you . They are not very good photos , sorry . The top single item is to put in your hair . She sent me two sets of earrings as she wasn 't sure if I would wear dangly ones . Then there is the necklace . The bangles are the colour of my actual sari . The main colour though is black and the gold , green and pink are the accent colours . Now idea how I will get them on , even if I cream up my hand , as they are small . On Thursday I met Cindy in Meaford as she had found me three cake stands . Meaford is more or less a half way point for us to meet . We also met up with Cindy 's friend from the VON Lotte , she lives in Meaford . We had a good time , although I did forget my camera , so if you want to see photos , you will need to pop over to Cindy 's to see them . Next time we meet up it will be in Thornbury , as there is a little more for me in Thornbury ( sorry Lotte ! ) I went grocery shopping on Friday morning and No Frills was my store of choice , as it had onions , carrots and broccoli on sale . I took the Zehrs flyer and price matched the cling / plastic wrap , the aluminum foil , the bleach and the bologna from there . I spent $ 45 . 40 and had savings of over $ 11 . So all in all my monthly total spent is $ 254 . 78 and monthly savings are $ 64 . 94 . I am still on target to only spend $ 300 , but it will be tight with only $ 45 . 22 left in the budget . I picked up a couple of reduced steaks which came to $ 2 . 20 each . Now as you know at that price they will be as tough as old boots . I marinade them in one part honey , one part brown sugar and two parts soya sauce . Turns out great and I generally cook them on the bbq on a medium to high heat for 7 minutes per side . That is medium to well done and the cow will have stopped mooing at that point ! ! Dh does not like to see any blood at all on his meat . I had such high hopes for this week 's " Home of the Week , " when I saw the first couple of photos , but then it went downhill fast . Granted I could never afford the $ 1 . 8 million price tag , but why oh why did they make it so modern inside ? It 's a Victorian house for crying out loud and barely a sign of the original features to be had . Love the stair details despite them all being painted white . It is certainly a bright , light house . Finally a " Cottage of the Week , " that looks like a cottage and has the feel of the cottage . On the downside though is the price , a whopping $ 1 . 6 million . If I could afford it I would take it in a heart beat and probably wouldn 't change a thing . It looks comfortable and relaxing . . . . . . . . . . just can 't get over the price though ? The " Condo of the Week , " I can live without . I love the roof terrace and the area it is located , but that 's about it . The price tag of $ 785 , 000 seems a bit steep but I guess that 's to do with the area . One thing for sure there isn 't a lot of clutter to dust around ? As most of you know dd and son - in - law bought their first house and moved in a couple of weeks ago . They have been super busy with renovations and dd has turned out to be a natural at using power tools and turning her hand to any and every job in the house . Albeit with lots of phone calls to her dad for advise . In their front hall / foyer they had this alcove which was a waste of space so dd made this seat area . She built the frame , drywalled the front , put wood on the top painted and trimmed it all . I got the seat cushion and one pillow custom made for her as part of her house warming gift . She picked the material up at a Fabricland that was closing near where she used to live and probably paid $ 30 for it all and there is enough left to make a roman blind for her kitchen window ( she 's making it herself . ) She bought the grey coloured cushion herself and the shelf is from Ikea . The photo frames will have photos of building 's from a trip to New York ( back and white ) . The colours are not what they appear in the photo . The walls are a light brown / beige . The material on the seat is a lot paler and the cushions are paler and no where near as shiny . However what a great use of an area . She decided not to use that as storage underneath the cushion as they have a double and a single closet in the hallway . We got the guest list for the baby shower on Tuesday and it looks to be around 60 people , with probably 50 + people actually coming . So I thought I had better see what I had in cups and saucers and tea plates . Below are the 51 sets that I have . On Wednesday I popped into a thrift store and scored big time . Both the sets below are Royal Doulton and there was a half price sale on housewares . So I paid $ 1 . 50 for the burgundy set and $ 2 for the green set . I cut one up with some onions and fried them in a pan with some precooked sausages . Added some garlic salt and pepper , and cooked them all together for around 15 minutes until all cooked through . Simple and quick to make : While out and about on the weekend I purchased some more cups , saucers and side plates . I got two of these along with two dinner plates and a bowl for $ 5 . As the woman said the plates and bowl could be used at Christmas ? I love the colour red but am not overly fond of these . . . but do agree that I could use the plates and bowl at Christmas . I got a great deal on the following sets . I paid 75 cents for a set ( cup , saucer and side plate ) . I got four of the sets in the background , and six sets in the foreground . I have been on the look out for a pair of sugar tongs , but not in silver , as I wanted to use them to pick up slices of lemon for the tea . No one really keeps or sells them anymore . I called in at " From the Kitchen to the Table , " in Orangeville and they had a pair , and they cost less than $ 4 and are perfect for what I want . So dh took off his dressing on his leg on Friday and solemnly declared he can no longer be a leg model due to the scars he 's going to be left with ? ? ? I actually thought it didn 't look too bad , he of course thought different . He had a shower and that cheered him up a bit and I let him potter around outside burning weeds off the driveway . All in all that put the morning in for him . They are really nice and the photos don 't so them justice . They are around 8 " x 12 " each . I want to do something creative with them ; any ideas ? This week 's " Home of the Week , " is okay I suppose . It has some good features , like the stained glass window details , and from what I saw of the back yard it looks pretty , and the basic bones of the home is fine . However I do not like the kitchen , or the way it is decorated . Which is down to personal taste and they would take their furnishing 's with them . Then there is the price tag of $ 1 . 75 million , bit pricey I think ? This week 's " Cottage of the Week , " is not for me . It 's too big and who on earth has a boardroom at their cottage ? The views and area it is located in are stunning and I would love to live there in a smaller place . The last photo of the steps down to the water in winter is just stunning . I 'll pass even if I had the $ 6 . 5 million that they want for it ! ! This week 's " Condo of the Week , " isn 't really my cup of tea either . there seems to be a lot of wasted space if you ask me ? The comments weren 't overly complimentary either ! ! The skull and cross bone wallpaper in the powder room was an interesting choice ? ? ? ? Paying nearly $ 3 , 000 a month in condo fees , is just plain crazy ? I 'll take a pass on this one . And finally dh . . . . . . . . . . well it didn 't take long to hear those words , " I 'm bored . " It was 2pm on Thursday when he uttered those words . Mind you we had been out running errands ( with him being chauffeured everywhere ) in the morning and didn 't get home until lunch time . We had eaten lunch and I headed outside to cut grass by 12 : 30pm . So in that hour and a half he was bored , despite me giving him the weekly flyer 's to read , plus I bought him three magazines the day before to read ( reno / diy magazines . ) I am hoping by the time you read this on Friday morning he will be feeling a little better , as he will be able to take off the bandage and have a shower . Having a shower perks everyone up I think . Luckily I " accidentally " forgot to remind him to bring his tools home from dd house , other wise he would have been down the basement today renovating ! ! ! ! Spent the morning at the hospital with dh . He had key hole surgery on his knee , to wash it out and tidy up the torn cartilage in his knee . His surgeon missed going to school for bed side etiquette { SIGH } otherwise everything went as well as could be expected . Dh has arthritis in his knees as well , so the goal is to put it off as long as possible getting new knees put in . However if I have to deal with this guy for the next ten plus years , he had better improve his bed side manners , otherwise me and him are going to have words ! ! ! ! He had an uncomfortable night last night , but as long as he takes things easy he should recover nicely . Because of dh 's job , he should be off work at least for a week ; although the surgeon suggested a full two weeks , but then told dh to use his discretion . He hates taking it easy and is always on the go , so this should be torture for both of us trying to keep him still ! ! ! As per the rest of the family , I shouldn 't give up my day job to be a nurse . However so far so good , although I did make major threats to dh last night to sit quiet when I went to cut some grass ! ! ! He was in bed when I got back in as he was pooped from the day and the medication he had taken , Tylenol 3 's . The next thing I prepared were chicken lasagna roll ups . I don 't have exact quantities here , but you 'll get the idea . I cooked 8 pieces of lasagna . When cooked I laid them on my glass chopping board that I had sprayed with oil so they didn 't stick and let them cool down a bit . In a bowl I added the rest of the onions and mushrooms that I had sweated down , along with the one chicken breast that I had cooked ; chop the chicken finely . I added some very small pieces of broccoli and around 3 / 4 cup of ricotta cheese , and mixed it together . You can add any seasonings you like at this point . Divide the mixture up between all the lasagna strips and roll them up . I used a nine inch square baking dish , which I had greased to place my lasagna roll ups in . Top with some Alfredo sauce or a savory white sauce . I used a packet mix which made around a cup and a half ( 3 / 4 pint ) . You could add more or less . With the remaining two chicken breasts that I took off the bone , I flattened them with a rolling pin , so they were all equal thickness throughout . I placed some baby spinach on the breast , then a heaping tablespoon of ricotta cheese . Rolled them up and wrapped bacon around them . Cook them in a 375 oF oven for a good 30 minutes or so . They are so moist and yummy . We were down at dd on Sunday , so I was busy painting and gardening . There was a very brief introduction of Molly to Olive the cat and it didn 't go well ! ! ! ! So the cats were shut in the bedroom , probably for Molly 's protection ! ! ! The bouquets The victory bouquet has been designed by Jane Packer , an internationally renowned UK florist . The bouquet represents the vibrancy of the Games and the four sections hold a different variety of the rose , an iconic British flower . Each section is also divided with traditional herbs - mint , rosemary , English lavender and wheat . These British - grown ingredients are designed to provide an unusually eclectic fragrant mix . Info from the London 2012 site . We went for a ride out to Stayner on Saturday afternoon , to visit my favourite thrift store . The lady is very helpful in there and even though I only got this platter this time , she hunted out a pile of other stuff in the back room for me to look at . The platter is Snowhite Regency by Johnson Brothers and I paid $ 3 for it , so was happy with that . I was trying to find this exact pattern on the internet , as it was also made without the pattern as well . We then went to this " Antique Store , " where I have bought from before and I picked up this pair of cups , saucers and side plates . They cost me $ 3 per set , which I thought was high , but never mind . It seems to be like a Corningware / Corelle type of product , and not fine china , but sometimes you have to take what you can find ! ! This is my favourite set so far and again I paid $ 3 for it and it is Moyatt Staffordshire " Medici . " I think it is the Turquoise colour ? She has more pieces of this and I think I will go back next week to see what I have to pay for the platter she had . The longer I was in the store , the more friendlier she got . I think this is stunning : I love going to these stores to see what I can spot . The platters are not to give away , I will keep most of them for myself , so I will only buy what I truly like . Posted by Friday was a wet miserable day , perfect for ducks . We went to a memorial service for our friends dad . It was lovely and I shed many tears with them , as the stories they had to tell about her dad were lovely . I hadn 't seen her two boys for a while . Got a bit of a shock as they are not boys but fine young men . Made me feel old actually . Anyhow the funeral home had limited parking , so dh had to park a five minute walk away . Despite having an umbrella , we got drenched , right down to our underwear . Got out of dh 's truck to see a delightful wet patch where I had been sitting ! ! ! ! We went out for a fish and chip supper , had to use my car , as there was no way I was sitting on a wet seat . We need to find another fish and chip shop , as although the fish and chips aren 't bad , the place is icky . Cleaning is not at the top of their priorities and the lady who owns the place looks as though she is sucking on lemons the whole time . You know when your server comes back during your meal to ask if everything is alright ? You know for a fact that this woman really does not care one way or another . We are going to check out Orangeville and hopefully find a decent fish and chip shop . Do you enjoy fish and chips ? This week 's " Home of the Week , " is not really my taste , but I do love the before and after photos . They really did a good job , of bringing light into the home . It is amazing what the right wall colours , and staging does to an old house , plus some renovations . They brought a tired dark home back to life . Not sure I would pay $ 2 million though for the house ? If you don 't click on any of the other links click on this one for the " Cottage of the Week . " Mind you paying $ 12 million for a cottage on it 's own island is probably out of all of our reaches . It 's way over board for me this place , just too much of everything , don 't you think ? Even the grounds feel over done as well , not at all natural . I think I 'll pass on this one ! ! ! ! Want to pay $ 7 . 5 million for this week 's " Condo of the Week , " go ahead I won 't be fighting you for it ! ! The swimming pool is so wrong it looks like a fish tank perched on the terrace . I wonder why they didn 't put any furniture in it to stage it ? At the selling price isn 't it expected ? I obviously don 't move in the right circles , as I had no idea who Peter Freed was , I had to Google his name ! ! ! ! I had to go into town on Thursday , so I went into the thrift stores , in my search for tea cups . Didn 't find any sets , BUT did find this platter for $ 3 . It 's lovely isn 't it ? I went into Brampton on Wednesday and while I was there , I checked out some charity / thrift stores . I was surprised at how expensive things were , but I did manage to get a couple of things . Everything I got in the photo below cost under $ 9 . 50 . So now I have 30 sets of tea cups , saucers and side plates . I have nearly 40 teaspoons now , and the glass double handled container is to put the spoons in . The little milk jugs are cute as well aren 't they , and at 50 cents each a deal . Adding to my teacup , saucer and side plates , are spoons . I have been collecting these and they seem to cost around 25 cents a piece . Can 't say I am an expert in these , so if you think any of them are worth a small fortune , please let me know ! ! ! ! ! They are very easy to make and each package makes two cakes . They don 't look as good as the ones on the package , but overall weren 't bad . We had ours with some vanilla ice cream . I think I paid $ 1 . 99 for two packages , and other than a little milk you don 't need to add anything else to the mix . Unless I can get them super cheap I probably won 't be buying them again . They make a quick pudding . to say it cost me $ 39 . 25 for all the postage for this years Christmas cards . . . . . . . . so far ! ! I am hoping it won 't be anymore . I spent . . .
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So there 's this thing where you pick a single word to use as your mantra for the year . My word has to be Balance . Balance between work and home is the main focus . I need to spend more time at home , and less time at work . I need to devote more of my energy to home and not to work . I 've been slacking , and feeling guilty . Now , I was going to be an asshole and say that my word for the year was perestroika . But actually , the literal meaning of perestroika is " restructuring " and that 's actually a pretty cool concept . Perestroika isn 't a bad mantra for 2013 , if you think about it . 1 . Don 't get mad at him when he buys you a toaster oven for Christmas . He bought it because you 've been bitching about the broken one for the past two months , and he believed the toaster oven was a thoughtful gift . 2 . If you want something specific , tell him where to get it and the size and color you want . Even better , find it online , set up a shopping cart and tell him to push the " Purchase Now " button . 8 . He will throw the child in the air and catch her . This will terrify you . Just look away . 99 % of the time , he 'll catch her . I went to the dermatologist on Monday and was informed that I have a mole on my ass . And , not only that , I probably should get it removed . Considering I don 't exactly walk around outside bare - assed , it 's strange Child care : I make the decisions for child care . This part of life is mostly over now that the kids are in school full time ( thank god ) . They just stay at school at the after school care until either Frank or I can get them before 6 PM . And a lot of the time we 're racing to get there at 5 : 55 PM because of traffic or work issues or whatever . We actually need to find a baby sitter for night times , but no luck right now . In a few more years , we won 't even need that . We also luck out in that the kids spend 5 - 6 weeks in the summer with my parents . It 's great for everyone - the kids get to spend the summer on the beach , we get to pretend that we don 't have kids for the summer . It 's like sending the kids to sleep - away camp , except they 're staying with grandparents , aunts and uncles . Newborn care ( bonus historical category ) : I did the bare minimum of 6 weeks with all three kids . And , I was stir crazy and wanting to get out of the house by 3 weeks . Frank took a week with the first child , and two weeks with the next two . He used to work PM swing , so he 'd actually get to hang out with the kids in the mornings while I went to work . Then , I 'd be alone at night with the kids . He generally got home in time to do the middle of the night feeding - between 11 PM and 1 AM he 'd usually have a baby with him on the couch . It meant that I never really had to be a Zombie Mommy , because I got at least 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep a night even from the very beginning ( yes , I breastfed , but we depended on bottles for that middle of the night feeding ) . My husband got to the point where he could basically change a diaper while asleep . Time off ( bonus category ) : My husband works insane hours now - 12 - 16 hour days . I don 't get a " time off " day . But , again the kids are old enough that we can sleep in on the weekends and the kids can occupy themselves . Work : We both work full time . My job is a traditional office job 8 AM - 5 PM . His is in the food service industry , so he works 6 AM to 6 PM or 8 PM . A 60 hour week is STANDARD for his position . Food : I do 95 % of the grocery shopping , because I do 95 % of the cooking . I make the meal plans so I pick the food that we eat . Housecleaning : Frank does 90 % of the cleaning . He does the laundry , the dishes , mops and vacuums the floors , puts away clothes , organizes and trashes clutter , changes bedsheets and just about everything in between . I clean the bathrooms - that 's the one thing he won 't do . House decorating ( bonus category ) : Mostly Frank . We have the same tastes - simple , clean lines , neutral colors . He likes to change out the art on our walls . He gets a bug up his ass about painting rooms , etc . My only request is that we have only white linens on our bed ( I know , it 's weird , but I only like white sheets and white down comforters ) . Communications : That 's all me . I have to remind my husband to call his parents on their birthdays . We have a synched Google calendar to keep us on the same page , and a huge calendar on the pantry door that appointments , soccer games , girl scouts , tutoring and meetings and stuff are written on . Finances : We both have individual accounts and a joint account . The joint account pays the household bills , and we each have fuck off money in our single accounts . Fuck off money is the money we keep separate from each other so we can buy the impractical things we want without having to get into a fight about it . As is " I don 't care if you hate this , I bought it from my own money , so fuck off . " Frank carries the family insurance plans , because his company is HUGE and they have a wonderful Cadillac plan for a reasonable price ( I don 't skimp on health or dental coverage , I want EVERYTHING ) . Activities : We take turns . Frank is great at planning the logistics of the big trips , I do more of the local stuff . I 'm more of a " just tell me when to show up " type of person , he likes to plan things out so we don 't miss anything . We do a lot of free and cheap activities on my watch - like Art Walks , Christmas tree lighting , visiting parks and getting ice cream . We go to a lot of baseball games in season , because it 's a cheap family outing . Luckily the kids are easily amused and travel well . The kids have flown cross country so many times that they 're pros and don 't even get excited about it any more . Who wears the pants ( bonus category ) : I 'm the boss . Just ask the kids . I think we 're lucky in that we 've lived together now for 14 years ( and we 're only 34 years old ) . We had five years without kids to figure out how to function as a team before we added the stress of kids to the household . Well before the kids , I knew I 'd be alone a lot at night , just due to the job field that my husband is in . As of today , my husband and I have been monogamous for 17 years . Fully half of our lifetimes , and all of our adult years . I plan on doing a " story oKara Keenan Thus is the saga of the Chicken Parmesan Sandwich I grew up on the east coast where Chicken Parmesan sandwiches are plentiful and abundant , even stereotypically available on every menu . While not my favorite sandwich , I would have the odd craving once or twice a year . A craving that was easily remedied by going into just about any place that served food and getting a piece of this delicious treat . This culinary treat has been impossible to find in Arizona . I 've gone so far as to explain to sub shop employees how it 's made : Being ridiculous , purely for the sake of being ridiculous is a prized personality trait in my opinion . When my sister was pregnant last year , for the first time , she had the traditional romantic belly shot and all that comes along with it . This year , with her second child , she 's gone a less traditional route : I never had the guts to take pictures of myself in a leotard , let alone while pregnant , and post them to a public forum . I salute you my sister , and revel in your ridiculousness . Posted by 1 . Do you usually sleep with your closet door open or closed ? Closed . The monster totally would eat me if I left it open . 2 . Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels ? No , but I do usually take the little bottles of lotion , even if I hate the smell , because the kids get a kick out of them . 3 . Have you ever ' done it ' in a hotel room ? Yeah . The husband and I have been together since we were 17 years old . We did the " get a hotel room after prom " thing . We also went to colleges 100 miles from each other , so occasionally we 'd get a crappy room around the mid point . 4 . Where is your next vacation ? We 'll be heading to Massachusetts , as is per usual , at the end of May to drop off the kids for the summer . Our next " grown up trip " we think will be Ohio . So we can do the roller coasters before we 're so old that it hurts . I also think Disneyland is on for 2013 . 5 . Have you ever stolen a street sign before ? No , and I don 't understand the allure of doing so . 6 . Who do you think reads these ? Very few people 7 . Do you have a calendar in your room ? No , that 's on the pantry door , because otherwise I 'd never know where anyone has to be on a given day . 8 . Where are you ? At work , in my fishbowl office . Yes , I have an interior office with three glass walls . The iillusion of privacy that really doesn 't exist . 10 . Are you reading any books right now ? Safe Within by Jean Reynolds Page . It 's pretty depressing . 11 . Do you ever count your steps when you walk ? No 15 . What is your " Song of the Week " ? Mokiki Does The Sloppy Swish - Mokiki It 's the SNL digital short from Saturday , and seriously , it 's infectious . 16 . Is it okay for guys to wear pink ? Yes . Some look better than others . Some guys who wear pink are quite douchy however . 19 . What do you drink with dinner ? Diet Coke or water if I 'm eating after 7 , which is most of the time . Wine if it 's the weekend or at a restaurant . 21 . What is your favorite food / cuisine ? Sushi or New American . I like chefs who are willing to take traditional cuisine and twist it . 22 . What movies could you watch over and over and still love ? Jaws , Ocean 's 11 and Ocean 's 13 ( don 't mention the abomination that was Ocean 's 12 ) , Love Actually , The Departed , Center Stage , Bring It On , 23 . Last person you hugged / kissed ? My husband and kids 24 . Were you ever a boy / girl scout ? A Girl Scout from 2nd grade through graduation . Now I 'm a Brownie Leader ( but I hate it , and this is the only year I 'm willing to do it ) 26 . When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper ? My grandmother . A few months before she died . 27 . Can you change the oil on a car ? No . Why would I want to do that ? 28 . Ever gotten a speeding ticket ? Not in a few years . 29 . Run out of gas ? Never , but came close a few times in my old Grand Am with a broken gauge . 30 . Favorite kind of sandwich ? Meatball Sub or a Steak , Mushroom and Cheese from Zach 's in Weymouth MA . 34 . When you were a kid , what did you dress up as for Halloween ? Most frequently a witch . Because it was always cold and rainy , and the costume would be hidden under a winter jacket anyways . So the pointy hat and a fake nose was generally my costume . 39 . Ever watch soap operas ? Days of Our Lives for YEARS . I haven 't really watched that since 2007 when I had my last maternity leave . 46 . Is Christmas stressful ? It can be . But in the past few years we 've been trying to cut back our obligations . At this point , we refuse to leave our house on Christmas day . Dinner is served at 3 PM . If anyone wants to see us , they are welcome to come over after 1 PM and stay for dinner . 47 . Ever eat a pierogi ? Yes . When I can convince my husband to make them . 48 . Major annoyance right now ? The next door neighbors who I suspect broke the windows of my van 49 . Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid ? A mortician . I wish I was lying , but I had a fascination with funeral homes and wanted to live in one . 54 . Wear a bath robe ? Yes , after my shower , when I 'm trying to get the kids out of bed . So my hair doesn 't get my clothes all wet and wrinkled . can not spell . Like I had to get an exemption in 10th grade because the teacher based 40 % of our grade on a weekly spelling test , and I would have screwed up my GPA with a D in her class . I had to do A LOT of extra credit book reports to make up for the absolute failure at spelling . That 's what spell - check is for . And , I 'm smart enough that I know what word I need , even if I can 't spell it . 74 . Can you hold your breath w / o manually holding your nose ? Yes . 75 . Are you patient ? No . My way or the highway . It leads to interesting parenting challenges with my child who has the same exact personality as me . 76 . Ever won a contest ? A few . Every decade or so , I get on a lucky streak . It 's already passed for this decade . 81 . Do you want to get married ? Already am . 82 . Who was your High School crush ? A boy who was in a ton of my classes . We kissed once . It was kind of awesome . But it never went beyond that kiss . 86 . What kind of mom are you ? Laid back . I let the kids learn from their mistakes and I try not to fight battles over stupid things like insisting on wearing snow boots in the middle of summer . We have very few rules in the house ( don 't draw on the walls , use your words not your fists ) , I don 't micromanage , and I let the kids get messy . 87 . Do you miss anyone right now ? My family . We live about 3000 miles from my Mom , Dad and siblings . My sister is having a baby any day now and I miss that I won 't be nearby for that , or Thanksgiving . 88 . Who do you want to see right now ? My girls from high school that I 'm still close with . I 'd love to be going to cocktails with them this weekend . Posted by AK 2 : 00 AM - Wake up with a sore back from falling asleep on the couch . One of the children is sick or has fallen out of bed . Wake up husband . Console child . Stagger to bed . November is here , meaning it 's NaBloPoMo . Which basically means I 'm really attempting to blog everyday this month , just for the heck of it . As you can see by my very sparse posting history , I 'm not very good at blogging on a regular basis . Sure , I read a bunch of blogs . But write one myself ? Not so much . We have three school age daughters , all of whom were born before I turned 29 . The hubs and I grew up in Massachusetts , lived in Rhode Island for a few years , and finally moved to the Phoenix metro area in 2001 . We are rabid fans of all New England sports teams I don 't take life too seriously . Shit happens and you can 't let it bog you down . Thing I learned today - IHOP has pumpkin pancakes ! I 'm trying to keep down my carb intake ( said as I finish two pieces of nutritionally bereft , but oh so delicious golden slices of white bread toast with ample butter ) but now I can 't stop thinking about them ! We 're totally going to IHOP sometime this weekend . Other thing I learned today - If you attempt to save money and buy the cheap cat food , not only will it stink up your house , but the cat will refuse to eat it , and will intentionally knock it off the top of the dryer , because he 's a jerk . ( I think I forgot to mention the anti - social 12 year old cat who lives with us . Yeah . Him . We 've had him since 2000 , and he 's survived 4 moves with us . He 's more spoiled than the children . Also , everyone feeds their cat on top of the dryer , right ? ) What is your dream job ? That person who works for a literary agent who 's sole job is to read manuscripts and see if they 're good or pieces of crap . I want to be paid to read . If you had 1 , 000 , 000 dollars to give away , how would you do it ? Stay local with my choices . Give to the kids ' school system . Donate a bunch of technology to the school , give each teacher $ 1000 for classroom stuff , donate to Planned Parenthood and The Florence Crittendon foundation . Under what circumstances would you adopt a child ? Adoption isn 't my thing . The only kids I 'd be willing to adopt would be nieces and nephews who 's biological parents can no longer care for . Why were you given your name ? My last name was really long , so my parents wanted a short first name - 5 letters or shorter . My name came from a baby naming book , and my parents both agreed on it . What was the last national park you visited ? We went to Louis & Clark National Historical Park over the summer . It was pretty . What was the first thing you learned to cook ? Scrambled eggsWhat book can you read over and over again ? It used to be From The Mixed Up Files of Mrs Basil E Frankweiler , but recently , it 's been Ready Player One . Ready Player One is such an amazing book , I love it . What makes you feel young ? The way my husband looks at me sometimes . It makes me feel 17 again . Did you ever work at an on campus job ? What was it ? No joke , I did week night security at the campus center . Basically I walked around the building and made sure people weren 't having sex anywhere , and calling the campus bus for drunk girls who didn 't know how to get home . In exchange for this , I got a coveted garage parking pass for free , plus a plush salary of less than minimum wage . Really I was in it for the parking pass . If you needed someone to act as a character reference for you who would you chose ? My BFFWhat was the first concert you went to see ? The Green Day free show in 1994 at the Hatch when there was rioting in the audience . Awesome times . Who is someone from your past that you are sorry you lost track of ? Some of my friends from college , who just seem to have disappeared . If you could see 24 hours into the future what would you do with this ability ? Solve problems at work before they began . If you had it to do over again what would you study i " Two beers please " and " Where is the bathroom ? " Also " Where is the library ? " and " My name is Louisa and I am from San Antonio . " ( except my name isn 't Louisa , and I 'm not from San Antonio ) What is your all time favorite joke ? Why is the graveyard so popular ? People are just DYING to get in there . ( my kids tell me this all the time , it 's a family classic ) What was your first paying job ? Counter girl at CVS What is the strangest food you have ever eaten ? The husband is a chef . When we go out , he is often recognized by other chefs in the business , who then go out of their way to impress us by sending out " specials . " I 've eaten just about everything - eel , soft shell crabs ( eaten whole , in the shell , deep fried ) , sweetbreads ( not what you think it is ) , corn smut , goat , and various organs and parts of animals that normal people don 't eat . The husband makes me try everything and tells me to just not smell certain things . What in your life is more important than money ? My family ( sigh , cheesy answer I know ) When was the first time you saw the ocean ? I was born in a town that 's on the Atlantic . Chances are good we drove by it on my way home from the hospital . I didn 't see the Pacific until 2001 . All right - so the vacationSeattle - you can tell there 's lots of tech money in the area , as Frank put it " lots of chicks that rate an 8 or a 9 walking around with guys who rate a 3 or a 4 " and the good looking guys were gay . - We went out for sushi with Adam . Went down to Pike Street market ( watched the fish throwing ) , ate street food , and went to a Sox game - one they actually won ! Drank a LOT . A city with a very high opinion of itself . Never have I seen so many dietary specialty Vegan , Soy Free and Tree Nut Free . " Train from Seattle to Portland - 3 hours . I was motion sick for most of it . Highlight was watching the couple on the other side of the aisle proceed to get wasted drinking Dewars and Root Beer - from a vintage suitcase they had turned into a portable bar . The girl of the couple wound up yelling at some chick who kept getting on her phone and whining to her parents , yelled something along the lines of " Can 't you fucking read ? There 's no cell phone use in here . " She was a sloshy mess when she yelled , so it was awesome . Portland - Grittier than Seattle . Like if you took Providence RI and Fall River MA and squished them together to make one city . Industrial , lots of bridges . Good food scene . I could live there . There 's a hippie vibe that was absent from both Seattle and San Francisco . A grid city , which was comforting . Oregon Coast - gorgeous ! Seriously the most breathtaking scenery I 've ever seen . Pine rain forests with virgin growth pine trees that are 400 + years old and 50 + feet tall . The waves were crazy , and that 's apparently just how they are . We went to Astoria so Frank could see the Goonies house ( on his bucket list ) . We bought a $ 1 CD tour and listened to it for hours ( because we couldn 't get any radio station that was worth listening to in the rental ) . This is also when I figured out that Frank was totally lying to me about how long the damn drive would be from Portland to San Francisco - he totally undersold it to me by 300 miles . Also went to Tillamook for the tour - stupid except for the all - you - can - eat cheese samples . Drive from Portland to Davis CA ( home of UC Davis ) - I gave up . We made it to an hour from Napa when he started to fall asleep at the wheel . Did our laundry - college towns are good for something . Had beer and pizza in a bar , left for Napa early . Long ass drive . Like 10 hours of boring . Mt Shasta has snow on it year round was about the only thing I found interesting . Napa - Yeah , touristy in places . Gotta pick the good wineries , even if they charge more for a tasting , because the wines are hard to find out of state . We did Grigich Hills and Keenan wineries . Grigich poured us a glass of dessert wine that retails for $ 85 for a split ( the small bottle 2 . 5 glasses ) , as part of our $ 20 per person tour - on top of the other 5 wines we were poured . Good value for the money . Driving through the town itself sucks - so do it once and be done - pick out your wineries San Francisco - By this time I was just exhausted . We did the piers , saw the sea lions , went to the chocolate factory , rode the cable car , walked through Chinatown , and everything . As a result , instead of getting up early on Saturday to spend a few extra hours in the city , we slept through our wake up , and didn 't get to go back downtown . Flew out of SFO , and got home to a cat who missed us greatly . This was probably the last of our expensive " just us " vacations for a few years . We have to go to Disney next year for sure ( Land , not World ) , and we want to do an Alaska cruise , but we 'll take the kids on that . That will fill up our next few years . A certain family member is getting married this Memorial Day weekend . My husband is in the wedding , I am just a guest at this wedding . My husband is only an usher in this wedding , so not a job that requires a lot of training - he 's been an usher before , he knows how to ushe . So , anyways , this wedding is turning from a Wedding Day into a a Long Weekend Wedding Event . Husband is not happy about this . As a result , in a moment of rebellion , we have purchased sports tickets for the Friday before the wedding . This is rumored to be the night of the bachelor party . A party that my husband has no interest in attending ( because this party most certainly will not feature breasts that aren 't mine or excessive drinking , instead this is to be a night of cosmic bowling , video games and pitchers of cheap beer split 6 ways ) . The bride , as this is HER WEDDING , is rumored to be furious that we are not attending all events of this weekend . But truthfully , I don 't care . My husband is a chef . He 's been in kitchens since he was 14 . It 's the only job he 's ever done in his life , and so far seems to be the only job he 'll ever do . From the first time we even got together ( at the ripe old age of 17 ) I knew that we wouldn 't be one of those couples who would be home at the same time for most of the week . I was fine with that - I 'm one of those people who likes to be alone at times and I thrive on setting myself in a regular routine . Up until 2009 , my husband worked at stand alone restaurants or in the hotel industry . This meant that nights , weekends and holidays it was pretty much a lock that he 'd be working and I 'd be home alone with the kids . Again , I knew this when I signed up for the gig as wife of a chef . In 2009 , this changed . He went into corporate dining ( for privacy 's sake , I won 't mention the name , but it 's a big company ) . This meant a bigger salary , better benefits , and supposedly " more family time . " As in , in theory , he works Monday - Friday , 6 : 00 AM to 5 : 00 PM ( pretty normal hours for a corporate chef ) . In practice he works from 5 : 30 AM until 6 : 00 , 7 : 00 , 8 : 00 , or even 9 : 00 at night . I would be fine with this if there was some sort of consistency . There 's nothing worse in not knowing when he 's going to be coming home . It sets the kids off - they always ask " when will Dad be home ? " Sometimes he 's home for dinner , sometimes he makes it home for goodnight stories and other times he doesn 't get home until they are already asleep . In a way , I would rather he not be home until after they are in bed all the time . We have a routine , and when he comes home randomly , it just screws with the routine . We had a talk about this issue this week . I honestly told him that I need him to be more consistent . And if he was going to be home after 6 : 30 but before 8 : 00 , he should delay until after 8 : 00 . This didn 't go over well . But honestly , I can 't deal with it . Dinner to Bedtime is awful in our house . Adding him to the mix randomly doesn 't work . C . Chore that you hate : The stupid dishes . Why can 't we just eat out of the pots and pans ? Or eat everything off of tortillas ? Those Mayans had the right idea . E . Essential start to your day : A shower without any interruptions - I will not settle arguments , tie shoes or pour you a drink while I 'm in the shower . The door has a lock for a reason - yelling through it or sticking your fingers underneath it will not help your cause . F . Favorite color : Blue Y . Yummy food that you make : I 'm a pretty damned good cook . Pork carnitas . Apple pie . Chocolate chip cookies . Quiche . Risotto . I know my way around the kitchen , and I 'm not ashamed to say so . Z . Zoo animal : Otters . The monkeys with the red butts . Hippos . Zoos are awesome . Unless you go with my husband who walks around with you telling you exactly how he 'd cook a specific animal and what he thinks it tastes like . Today , Arizona celebrates 100 years of statehood . Congratulations Arizona , for being the 48th state , the last to be admitted into the contiguous States of the Union . I suppose the reason why it took so long is that no one really wanted Arizona . I mean , sure , we were willing to give the land to the Native Americans after we forced them off their tribal lands , but actual statehood ? Come on now . So , in honor of this milestone , I 've put together a list of Things that are Older Than Arizona We listen to 90 's on 9 almost every morning waiting for the bus . As a result , my 4 year old went off to Preschool singing " Wannabe " by the Spice Girls . But only the line that goes " If you wanna be my lover " which was absolutely inappropriate , but hilarious at the same time . And , she was on loop , so it was the same line over and over and over again . " Mama , I love this song ! " she told me . Posted by We took the kids to the Zoo this weekend . One where you can feed the giraffes . Avery was terrified of them , and the baby llama in the petting zoo . The giraffe I guess I can understand - it 's head was as big as she was . But the baby llama ? It 's too fricking cute to be afraid of . It doesn 't run , it BOUNCES , I kid you not . Also , we must have been there during prime Tortoise mating season , because the tortoises were getting it on all over the Zoo . And , let me tell you , tortoises are loud and grunty lovers . It brought about all sorts of fun questions like " How come that turtle is taking a ride on the other ones back ? " And " Is the Mommy turtle giving her baby a piggy back ride ? " I seriously should have videoed it . Posted by
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Excellent location . Nice lounge / lobby . We were not given the room we paid for . Instead we were placed in a room with one bed and our son had to sleep on a cot . They refused to adjust our charges . The room was a little dusty and the bedding looks worn . I found hair on the desk which was a little off putting . Otherwise the room was fair for the price and location . The room was never cleaned and we spent 3 nights until I complained to the manager . One of the elevators was broken all weekend which left a single elevator for all the guests and staff . The lines for the only working elevator were very long sometimes taking 20 to 30 minutes to be able to return to your room . Very disappointed . I asked fir an adjustment to our bill or some accommodation however nothing was done . We will not return . Reviewed Apr 2017 10 . 0 Affordable with nice accommodations . There was always water , sparkling water , tea , and coffee available in the lobby . To operate the elevator you have to put your key card in , which made me feel safe . There were snacks in the lobby the first night we got there and then they all disappeared . . . it was weird ! It was a very comfortable and clean room . Probably taller than it was long but unless you 're bringing a pop - up trailer with you there 's plenty of room . The bed 's comfy and the shower is really nice . They had a hair dryer to use . There 's no fridge but that 's not a huge deal . I would have liked to have a safe since it is a city , but it 's not in a rough area . Some people complained about the two elevators , which is a bit odd but not so much so that you should be like the one guy I passed who was trying to figure out how to get out of the lobby ( I mean he got in there in the first place , somehow ) . There 's a big mall with a food court right across the street and all manner of fast food in the block between 15th - 16th not to mention most everything you 'd want to see or do is basically walking distance ( under 1 - 1 / 2 miles - South Philly / Italian Market , Liberty Bell / Independence Hall , Eastern State , City Hall , Chinatown ) . I 'd really recommend the hotel , and that you do walk places , don 't take the tourist bus , you 'll see a lot you wouldn 't otherwise . Someone else complained about the parking , I had no issues , it 's a city , you pay to park , and it 's not like you 're walking more than half a block ( it is literally across the street ) . WiFi speed : 18 - 20MBps was what I got . The staff while extremely polite were not really the most helpful , everything was " It 's not my call " when it came to business . I had to jump through a bunch of hoops just to get my stay extended , and they had me put down $ 50 per night for incidentals ( would 've been $ 150 if I 'd used cash ) . There 's no mini - bar and I wasn 't planning on ordering room service , so this made no sense to me . Reviewed Dec 2016 9 . 1 It didn 't have a lot of silly extras - - the rooms were spare but completely adequate . The maids actually left the towels alone if they were hanging ( so they weren 't laundered needlessly ) . My husband complained that the bathroom was so cramped and that he had to hold the toilet seat up when he wanted to pee . I liked how cozy our room was . The snacks provided in the lobby were delicious ! The location was amazing . We were able to walk everywhere , which had been our goal . Overall , excellent hotel ! I wish the bathrooms were a bit bigger . Reviewed Jan 2017 more reviews Sizable room with modern amenities with a very comfortable bed and pillows . Friendly , helpful staff . Great workout room . Convenient central location . Large , sociable bar and lounge area . There was a stain on my sheets ; could tell that it was something that had been washed / dried into place , but still a little disappointing for a hotel chain of this quality . I was given a room accessible for persons with disabilities , which I was fine with , but was not asked by the check - in staff first . The only downside to the accessible room was that the doorless , tubless shower got water all over the bathroom floor and soaked the bathmat regardless of how I adjusted the shower - head . Really , these are just minor inconveniences from an otherwise great hotel . Would definitely come back . The hotel was very clean and cosy . The food was great as well . I highly recommend 13 Restaurant for breakfast and lunch . We asked for a room with two beds ; one bed for me and my wife , and the other for our son . However , when we arrived , I was told that only single - bed rooms were available , so I had to order a bed for our son . Though , after two hours and three calls to the front desk , it never came and the three of us had to sleep in one bed together . Additionally , I didn 't appreciate having to call downstairs and wait half an hour for a shower cap . Those should definitely come included with the room . Reviewed Mar 2017 8 . 0 Hot apple cider in the lobby was a nice touch . Complimentary Wi - Fi not included ? ! Considering the room rates , I found this outrageous . Felt like a 3rd world country . Central location , clean rooms , many hotel amenities , ease of check in and check out , responsive stadd . Room too small . Was told I would get two Queen beds and larger room and did not receive . Terrible view of construction site . Reviewed Nov 2015 10 . 0 Location is good . Beds not comfortable at all . Internet didn 't work , unacceptable considering there is a extra charge Keep a bottle of water in the room ! ! Reviewed Nov 2015 10 . 0 The room was very clean and our stay was pleasant . The hotel is the place to stay if attending an event at the civic center . Reviewed Jan 2017 more reviews Huge room , comfortable bed This hotel is unsusuccessfully trying to be a luxury hotel , which it does look like . Looks aren 't everything though . The way you 're treated by the staff is most important in a luxury hotel . This where the Warwick falls flat on its face . The " doormen " never acknowledged us going in or out . When the bellman showed us to our room , we asked where the ice machine was , instead of filling our ice bucket , he showed us where we could get our own ice - - pretty classy guy . Now for the maid service : When we showered the first morning , there ware only two hand towels , one of which we had to use as a bath mat . My husband asked one of the maids on our floor for a couple more hand towels . Her reply was that she had none ! We had to call housekeeping to ask for extra hand towels and a bath mat . When our room was done that morning , we got a bath mat , but no hand towels . They also failed to replace our coffe , coffee cups and drinking glasses . We were givien an hour extension for check out , but our maid knocked on our door three times to ask when we were checking out . All three times she knocked on the door were before noon ! Luxurious rooms , great location , right next to Rittenhouse Square . Parc restaurant around the corner is amazing . Hotel was late getting my room ready . Tried to check in at 3 , was told a room would be ready in half an hour . They never called to say it was ready , but when I went back to the desk at 5 , they had plenty of rooms . Also , asked about complimentary airport shuttle and was told there was one every 30 minutes . Shuttle was on time , but the driver insisted it was not complimentary , charging me $ 10 when I got to the airport . Didn 't have time to argue , but front desk should have been clear when I asked about a " complimentary " shuttle . Is attractive and well maintained . Most of the staff are excellent , from the front desk to the cleaning staff . They were helpful and courteous . Relative to similar hotels in the area , it 's a great value . This stay ( our 4th , but first since it 's no longer a radisson ) we encountered a MAJOR problem at 4am , and with two young children to be displayed in the middle of the night without our belongings was awful . The night staff and cleaning staff were great but the manager on duty was unbelievably awful , as if we inconvenienced her when her shift started at 8 - - 4 hours after we started dealing with the issue . Instead of commiserating with awful circumstances and asking how we could be helped to be comforble , she mostly left us to or own devices to figure out clothing , food , and basics for two little children who 'd been up all night , and had to be pressured to provide basic information about a plan for us to be able to leave . Unreal . Reviewed Apr 2016 6 . 5 The hotel has a very nicely decorated interior and decent - sized rooms , especially for the location . Arrived at 3 : 30 pm and was told that my room was not ready . Had to walk around town for a while until I received their call that my room was ready , which I got at around 5 : 45 pm . I was only staying one night and I feel slightly ripped off as I was not able to relax and shower before an event I had at 6 : 30 pm . Fitness center was nice and the room was clean . No rooms available at 3 : 00 check in . The desk clerk said he would call when a room is ready but he never called . The maid was the nicest hotel employee . The staff said they have self parking but that is not true , it is just side door valet parking . Reviewed Jul 2016 7 . 4 Very convenient location . Clean room . Good fitness center . Several other parking options less than a block away for less $ than hotel parking . The front desk staff were not very helpful upon check in and volunteered no information at all . Hotel has no in house lobby bar . Location was perfect for walking to lots of great historic and shopping / neighborhood browsing . Parking a bit expensive ( $ 36 / day ) but it 's a city , so it was expected . The staff was VERY helpful and friendly , got us right in even though we showed up a few hours before check - in time , answered all questions , and gave some great recommendations . Overall , a terrific experience and I would highly recommend ! Reviewed Feb 2016 8 . 2 Great location in walking distance to historical sites . Super friendly front desk staff . Room was not ready at 5 : 00 pm . They did take half off parking to compensate a little . Reviewed Jul 2016 9 . 7 From the minute we walked in , the front desk staff was helpful , gracious , and went above and beyond to make us feel welcome . Danielle was a star ! She made sure that we were well taken care of after our long day of travelling . She even directed us to the best Philly Cheesesteaks in town ! Hotel room was great . Location was perfect . I would definitely recommend this hotel ! Reviewed Jun 2016 6 . 0 Room was ok . . . . nothing special Very bland decor . . . . bathroom wasn 't great . One of the towels had a huge hair ball on it . Maid took the TV remote from the room Great old city location . AC unit is loud ; bathroom could use a thorough cleaning - - dust and hair accumulated in corners . Tub did not drain ; ankle deep by the end of the shower . This hotel was very comfortable and in an amazing location , close to everything I needed . The night staff were a bit grouchy when I arrived , but Seamus and Andre were really friendly daytime staff . I ordered a whiskey on the rocks at the bar and they charged $ 4 just for the " rocks " ( aka ice ) - drink - lovers beware ! Great location and pleasant staff . Guests in the next room hosted a party until 5 : 30am . Several calls were made to the front desk , but the party continued throughout the night . I got the impression this is normal behavior at this particular hotel . Wouldn 't recommend to others traveling for business . Reviewed Nov 2016 8 . 8 Perfect location ! Right in the heart of historic Philadelphia with plenty to do within walking distance ! Staff was helpful with everything requested Bathroom was not very clean . Used q tips in the room . The coffee was not restocked . Not really good for young toddlers comfortable bedrooms . Needs updated decor and carpets definitely need a good deep clean . Better attention to details such as restocking coffee and cups complete with lids . Likewise bathroom products . Staff polite but on a rush to get through whether finished or not . When asked by telephone about airport shuttle was told none upon arrival at hotel found they do have services Reviewed May 2017 10 . 0 We had never been to Philadelphia and had no idea what expect . This hotel was elegent , clean and updated ! At check in they gave us a piece of paper that had all surrounding restaurants and attractions all seperated by types of food or establishments . Then as an added bonus , the kind , helpful staff member at check in even put stars next to the best places to go to with kids . To make things more convenient the 1st morning we were there we were able to schedule a bus tour of Philadelphia right in the hotel lobby . This worked out great for us becsuse we only had one full day there and wanted to see as much as we could . So all this is great , but the best part is the LOCATION ! ! With in the hour that we arrived we deciedd to walk to get none other than a cheese steak . We walked the direction to Jims ( which was suggested by the hotel staff and happens to be the best philly steak in town ) and with in 2 blocks of the hotel the street transformed to a bustling city to a picturesque scene of 1700 brick houses , with trees canopying the the cobble stone streets . I walked to Starbucks in the morning from the hotel and walked right by where Benjamin Franklin had been buried and didn 't even know it ! The parking garage is not connected to the hotel and if there is valet , we never saw it . There is a parking garage on the premises , but no entry directly inside the hotel to and from the garage . It 's clean , the rooms are really nice , and it 's in a great location . I have no complaints . This place was awesome . Reviewed Aug 2015 6 . 5 Construction at an adjacent building seemed to go on all night long . Unable to have any silence or sleep . And then there was a taxi " horn - honking " demonstration in opposition to Uber . Worst hotel experience of my life . Noisy and crowded they day we were there a plain clean serviceable hotel Two things . Our room was between two college kid rooms with multiple tennants . They were polite but busy I love the nicely decorated rooms and modern feel . Great location . Rooms not quietly . Could hear all traffic from the street and noise from other rooms and I was on the 9th floor . Would like to see Sonesta to replace those thin windows with something better . Reviewed Apr 2015 8 . 0 The bedding is super comfy and the overall look is modern and very pleasing . Great staff . The room was a tad too small for me . Reviewed Jan 2016 9 . 4 Great location & value . The staff was EXCELLENT ! It was very noisy . Kids screaming and running down the hall all day / night . Not the hotels fault , but did put a damper on the trip . Also , the room service food was awful . Poor quality and flavor . Bar on the first floor is good . The pool was not very clean ( passable ) and people had to ask several times for towels . The pool area can be a great place - just add some plants , get rid of ugly fence , put a bar there . . . . The staff was the best part . They went above and beyond to make my stay the best it could be . I wish the breakfast was included during the week . Needing to order breakfast in the morning is very time consuming . Everyone was friendly , my room was rather large and I enjoyed the ambience . My room was mainly clean but I felt like certain surfaces needed another wipe . Reviewed Dec 2015 2 . 0 Had a prepaid reservation for Sofitel and arrived a day late due to a family emergency . I did not have time to call the previous day and when I arrived the manager said they had cancelled my reservation , charged me for one day and that he ' would help me find another hotel . ' Pathetic , at least could have called me before they cancelled my reservation . Never stay at the Philadelphia Sofitel again . Reviewed Dec 2014 10 . 0 The whole staff is professional and friendly . When they say hello , good morning or ask how your stay is going , it 's all sincere . It doesn 't sound like a chore or they 're just doing their job , they really care ! Reviewed Feb 2016 7 . 4 The Sofitel in Philadelphia is in a great location . It has beautifully appointed rooms , and the staff are gracious and warm . Typically , I feel very comfortable in any room I stay in . However this time , the air conditioner didn 't work properly , and the shower didn 't drain properly . It did dampen my enjoyment of the hotel . Reviewed Sep 2016 10 . 0 Love the hotel and the location . The bar was nice and the French fries late night were amazing . Met an old friend in Philly for one evening . We had a great day in the city , a wonderful dinner and retired to the room at eight PM to get reacquainted . At 10 : 15 we had a hotel staff member knock on our door to tell us we had noise complaints and to keep it down ! ! ! There was also a note under our door say pleas keep it down the walls are very thin ! ! ! Really ? ? ? 10 : 15 ? ? ? And they want Philly to be known for the city of LOVE but only if you whisper ! Disappointed the staff actually came up to tell me that . I will not be staying there again if I am doing anything but sleeping ! Location is perfect for shopping and eating . Room was quiet , clean and comfortable . Staff were warm , welcoming and helpful . Loved the slippers , thick towels and soft sheets . Lanvin bath products - wow ! Nothing . I would easily stay here again if I can find a good rate . Reviewed Nov 2014 4 . 8 Front desk was very accommodating upgraded us to deluxe king room upon check in Concierge not very helpful . Asked twice for recommendations on transportation and wanted to push private car which was theost expensive option vs any other public transportation which we opted for . Reviewed Jul 2015 10 . 0 The room was very comfortable and yet stylish . The location is absolutely perfect . The highlight of our stay was the incredibly attentive and friendly staff . We highly recommend staying at Loews Philadelphia Hotel ! Reviewed Jun 2016 9 . 7 Very friendly staff . Great view of the city from my room . Walls are thin , and you could here the neighboring room to well . Reviewed Feb 2015 8 . 5 Excellent location , exceptional staff , great restaurant and bar . Nice room and a comfortable bed as well as a pretty good WiFi connection ( best I have experience in a while at a hotel ) . Walls were a little thin . We could hear people in the hall coming and going as if they were almost in the room . The staff was gracious and helpful Dust covered the room and the toilet had cardboard trash in it upon arrival . Staff took care of the problem after being notified . The cost for parking at $ 45 . 00 a night was ridiculous . Robes , shower was nice , room was quiet . 4 large men given a king bed and a roll away . . . . We didn 't fit in beds comfortably , one ended up sleeping on the floor . Valet parking took a long time and left all 4 windows down in my car . Reviewed Sep 2015 8 . 0 The valets were very friendly , helpful and accomadating . Room was clean and the tv had a great HD picture . Check in staff ignored me while I stood there staring at them waiting to check in because they were on the phone . As soon as they were done some jerk jumped the line because he wanted to talk to a manager and they catered to him for another 5 mins before helping anyone else . Room smelled like stale cigarettes and the bathroom sink wouldn 't drain . We planned a quick last minute evening in the city and booked the hotel on a whim due to its location and proximity to our favorite part of town . In terms of location , this place can 't be beat . You 're within walking distance of what seems like hundreds of fantastic restaurants and highlife hotspots . The hotel staff is courteous and made us feel instantly welcomed and at home . My only criticism is that the room was a bit dated . It needs renovated . The shower definitely seen better days and looks like it was last done in the early 90s . The bed was very comfortable and we slept pretty good . Reviewed Aug 2015 7 . 7 The hotel rooms were luxurious and left no stone unturned as far as comfort and cleanliness . They thought of everything even as far as robes , slippers , newspapers , umbrella . Reviewed Nov 2010 by Anonymous 10 . 0 Exceptional service that is sincere and not cloying . Staff is excellent , rooms are large and the bed is incredibly comfortable . My favorite hotel in Philadelphia . I wouldn 't stay anywhere else . The spa is also spectacular . They are dog friendly yet you can 't tell if dogs are really there . The rooms are solidly built and I am sensitive to dogs barking . No dogs barking here ! The hallways and elevators are immaculate . This is just a wonderful hotel . The closest to European luxury with space . Reviewed Apr 2017 9 . 7 Wonderful service , beautiful hotel . The beds and linens are very comfortable , as are the bath robes they lay out for you . We were celebrating a birthday and the extra touches were very much appreciated . It all started with our arrival and meeting Anton Ford at the front desk . Anton 's the best . . . . . . . friendly , funny , informative . Our trip to Philadelphia was awesome because the people were fantastic . . . . . . no matter what we did or where we went . And Anton really got our trip off to a fantastic start . Thank you Anton ! Reviewed Nov 2016 2 . 0 Nothing Requested 1pm check out . Confirmed late check out on arrival . House keeping came in my room at 9am . I yelled at her for waking me up early . She left and at 10 the manager called the room to apologize . That 's great but she woke me up again . I think she is mentally challenged or has zero clue about anything related to common sense Reviewed Jun 2017 5 . 4 My friends in another identical room had a rate that was half of mine and was booked directly through the hotel . The hotel couldn 't honor the rate for me because I booked through kayak . com . Very disappointing , kayak is supposed to find me the best rate and not make things more difficult . Reviewed Apr 2017 7 . 7 This was a very convenient location to downtown Philadelphia . The front desk staff were very pleasant . The room was adequate . The bathroom was clean . The water pressure and temperature in the shower were perfect . In the morning , I went downstairs to get coffee and mentioned that the coffee pot in my room did not work . The woman behind the counter made a note of my room # and gave me free coffee . I was pleasantly surprised . The valet staff was friendly , courteous , and efficient . The check - in process took way too long . When I got there , there was a line of about 20 people and only one person at the desk . I came back 45 minutes later . There were about 25 people on line but they finally added additional staff at the desk . I 'm writing here because I 'm very disappointed . When I booked the hotel on Kayan it said that there was a working swimming pool . There was not ! I booked this hotel because there was a swimming pool since I need to swim for health issues . Hotel is in convenient location and staff is friendly . Furniture and rug in room were stained and unclean . Housekeeping did their part to clean the room , but the stains were unsightly . Not sure how they can let people stay in rooms like this . It was a great stay . Reviews were so so , and was worried . Nothing to be worried about ! A little older building but beds are very nice Reviewed Aug 2016 8 . 8 Location Iron had black stuff coming out of it . . . the tub water didn 't go down it took awhile for it to go down . They over booked the hotel so I didn 't get the room I paid for . . I paid for a king and I got two doubles but it would have been fine if they are normal beds they were twin beds . . . uncormfortable for two people to lay down so we had to sleep in two separate beds smh . . The location and being able to park at the hotel . Also like that they have a pool . The The pool was shut for maintenance . No free Wifi . Parking was expensive . I think the front desk staff were amazing - it was the quickest chec - in and check - out I 've ever experienced . The cookies upon check - in were literally a warm touch . The room was a decent size - with a great view of the city from the eighth floor . The pool hours were until 11pm - which was great because I got in on the late side . There was also a decent gym and a sauna with lockers that you could put a code in and use . The decor in the room was somewhat dated and showing its age . The bathroom was small and it took maneuvering to close the door . If you need absolute quite to sleep it may be a problem because you can hear the traffic from the 8th floor and any hallway activity as well . The cleaning people knocked at 8am to clean - when I was checking out anyway , so I could of done without the disruption . Reviewed Mar 2016 10 . 0 DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel in Philadelphia Center City is a class act ! From the efficient , friendly check in to check out , we were treated as special guests . The staff actually cared that we had a pleasant , comfortable stay . We asked the staff for recommendations on moderately priced restaurants close - by and were pleased with our choice from their list . Our room was comfortable , quiet , pleasantly decorated and well stocked with adequate amenities . This is our third year staying at the Double Tree for the annual Philadelphia Flower Show and we have never been disappointed . Reviewed Mar 2016 9 . 7 The hotel was located near many of the downtown attractions and the staff was very friendly . We had a small issue with toilet ( didn 't flush well - may have been blocked ) . The people staying next door were load and let their door slam at 2 : 15 am . Location was great and rooms were overall quite clean . A little beaten up , but otherwise quaint . Lobby bar and front desk staff were very nice . Someone trying to get into our room in the middle of the night and the cleaning staff thinking 830 am is an okay time to come clean the room . Reviewed Jul 2016 9 . 4 We booked the best suite on the 26th floor for our wedding night . The hotel gave two sets of our room key out so when we went up to sleep at 2am after our wedding , there was someone else 's items in our room . They downgraded us to the open room on the 8th floor . I was not given a refund as the manager said it was an equivalent room . . . It wasn 't . : ( Parking was easy , front desk staff was polite and helpful - but housekeeping was loud and crass outside of our room in the early hours . Be careful if you are located in room 1602 - the housekeeping staff ' breakroom ' is right outside your door . Directions for ice would have been nice - rather than the scavenger hunt I ended up going on . Reviewed Jun 2016 8 . 8 Right in the heart of downtown Philly . The hotel was centrally located to many attractions and shopping . Also really close to public transit . I was on the 16th floor and I could still hear the traffic noise in my room . Reviewed Jan 2017 10 . 0 The hotel and staff were extraordinary . i was always greeted upon leaving and entering the hotel . Oftentimes the bellman or concierge would ask if I needed anything . I must have looked a bit lost ! ! ! Amanda in housekeeping was excellent in refreshing my room and being extra certain there was no detail that was omitted There wasn 't anything " I didn 't like ! " However , The only " hiccup " I experienced was a slight odor of tobacco in . my room at the end of each day . When I notified the front desk they were quick to put a plan in place to remedy the problem . Unfortunately , the odor continued and was probably a function of the odor of the carpet , drapery and bedding . Awesome building champagne at checkin have had many enjoyable and memorable stays . Understaffed , poor service sub par to other Ritz hotels . We were provided with wrong room on arrival . Room was somewhat dated and curtains had large weird stains on them . Carpet in room was also stained making it feel dirty . Restaurant service was horrible / waited 40 mins for a table then waited another 15 mins to get acknowledged by staff . Used express checkout , left some negative comments and asked for emailed updated portfolio via email - never received . I 've had better service and value for money in other not so " refined " hotels . Reviewed Feb 2016 9 . 6 The staff was incredibly friendly and very knowledgeable of the city . We had a great experience ! They must have given our room away before we checked in . Our group of 3 friends got one king bed so we had to use a roll - away cot , which wasn 't the most comfortable thing . The manager took great care of us after she was told about our disappointments . She was wonderful and made our second night much better than the first . Most of the other staff were very friendly and accommodating . The facility is extremely old along with the heating / air conditioning units . Our sheets had a hole in them . Had disappointment with 2 staff members who were a bit rude . Felt the crowd that hung out in the hotel bar and / or were staying at the hotel were a bit trashy . For the price per night , we could stay at the Sofitel or Four Seasons and get better accommodations . Reviewed Mar 2015 more reviews Nice location for nightlife and history tours . I receive a monthly check from the VA for a service connected disability - - my ONE night stay cost more than that entire check ! And for what ? I received no continental breakfast ; parking is $ 50 a NIGHT ; and my room with a king - sized bed was tiny . No idea if internet was included , as I was not given a password . I wanted to sit in my room and prepare for a speech I had to give , but , my absurdly expensive room did not come with a chair besides an ergonomically nightmarish desk chair . I had a ton of clothes because I was there for a three day wedding , so my hands were full . I received no bell - service , carried all my stuff to my room , and the keys didn 't work ; so I had to lug everything back to the front desk . Had to iron shirts for the wedding , the ironing board looked like it was bought from a yard sale . For the cost of this room , I expect quality amenities . Also , the bouncer for the rooftop bar , who looked a like a teenager , watched one of the wedding guests get assaulted , laughed , and did nothing . Honestly , we should 've called the police . Posh and ostentatious , with little reward . Go somewhere else . Very stylish hotel with comfortable rooms . Staff was friendly and attentive . But the best part is the location , you 're across the street from the birthplace of our nation ! Reviewed Apr 2016 9 . 7 Love atmosphere and staff . Location and style is also a plus . It 's friendly for us with our 2 kids under 2 . The bed was not as comfortable . We usually have a king size bed but opted to 2 queen size and I would prob not do that again . I had a great experience staying at Monaco , from price to service everything was perfect . I think they should have better pictures of the corner suite on there website , because there suite was better then the pictures shown . Reviewed Apr 2016 8 . 0 As with all Kimpton Hotels , the decor is amazing & very much in - line with my aesthetic . We also really enjoyed the location of the hotel ; we stayed over 2 very nice days & walked 30 minutes down Passyunk and over to the far edge of Rittenhouse multiple times . We tend to spend most of our time out - and - about , but the time spent in the hotel was very nice . We requested a room away from the elevator , which they did not oblige . We were essentially directly next to the elevator bank , however it ended up being quite . That said , we were there on a Monday night , I 'm sure the weekends are a bit rowdier . Bed was not very comfortable ( for me , the BF loved it ) , the outlets stopped working in the bathroom in the middle of my blow out & could not be fixed , the internet did not work the day we checked in . Also . . . there is not much follow - through from the staff ; we had requested a later check - out that they never acknowledged until we were physically there and brought it up ourselves again during check - in . We asked for a room away from the elevator bank , but were put in one directly next to it . Tried to order room service & the person on the phone said they would have to call back to ' confirm the order ' but never called back . . the food appeared 20 minutes later , cold . Negatives aren 't the end of the world , but there are definitely some things we weren 't thrilled with . But the staff , including the valet , were lovely & very friendly . Reviewed Sep 2016 10 . 0 We love the staff as they are professional and fun . They offer free happy hour and coffee in am ! This is a big deal and makes people feel welcomed . The rooms are stylish and cozy ! We had a 2 month and 14 month old children who loved it too ! Smaller elevators but it was doable . . . we just have 2 kids and a huge stroller ; ) The staff at the front desk were exceptional and extremely helpful . The doorman and valet were amazing providing information about the city and transportation . The restaurant and bar were horrible ! Service was slow and overwhelmed but they tried hard to provide service . Our burgers were not cooked properly . My burger was burned and my fiancé asked for medium rare and got well done . We sent it back and the burgers still were pathetic and not good . We ate them anyway we were starving after traveling all day . Later that evening after returning from dinner out and a bit of shopping we went to the bar for a night cap and waited 20 minutes before anyone even spoke to us and then another 20 minutes to get a simple captain and Coke and a lemonade - - needless to say we walked out ! Reviewed Feb 2016 7 . 7 Rooms were nice , clean and comfortable . Hotel overall appearance was good and stylish . Parking rates were outrageous . The bar was terrible and the drinks overpriced . I know the main restaurant / bar was closed for renovations , which explains the awkward positioning of the bar , but the prices for drinks were way too high given the bartender quality and overall market positioning which is heavily influenced by the bartender . Drinks were priced about 30 % higher than they should have been , especially given the fact that I had to explain to the bartender how to make a simple drink like an old fashioned . Huge fail in an area where there are too many alternatives . Hilton is pretty much a hotel where you know what you can expect from them and it generally is a notch above their competition . Security in the lobby at midnight when I arrived due to loud and obnoxious people at bar . Hard to hear upon check in which was late . They put me in a room that is exactly the OPPOSITE of my profile request . No room by elevator . . . put me right next to it . Neighbors partied all night and hotel phone didn 't work to call to resolve issue . When I finally got it to work , they never resolved the noise . When I asked for the room to be refunded and cancel the remainder of my stay , they refused ! Since when did we begin getting held hostage by hotel companies ? Very unusual for Hilton brand , but this staff at THIS hotel have work to improve . Reviewed Jan 2017 6 . 8 The best part of this hotel is the location . You were walking distance to so many tourist attractions and right on the river . We went down and explored the submarine and everything we could . With the conventions and the weddings without a little out of place but it wasn 't the hotels fault - - we loved it ! Great pool too ! Reviewed Apr 2017 6 . 2 I really didn 't know what we had gotten ourselves into until we arrived . We were pleasantly surprised . This is the perfect location and is close to everything . There is an adorable little park right outside that has cute little events all summer long . I can 't imagine staying anywhere else . Oh and did I mention the view ? ? ? Amazing ! Reviewed Jul 2016 more reviews Nothing The valet misinformed us about the parking . They strongly recommended we pay 50 $ for valet parking rather than on the street . The hotel room was not very ideal or modern for the price . The towels and bed sheets smelled as if they had not been changed or washed . The hotel did NOT provide amenities , and the shower products provided were very low quality and would not use them on my body . There are plenty other choices in Philadelphia and would not recommend this La meridian . Reviewed Feb 2016 8 . 0 Staff was absolutely amazing ! ! ! Location is two blocks away from convention center , reading terminal market and major attractions . We stayed in a interior room and didn 't hear a sound . We will def stay here every time we visit Philly . Rooms are a bit on the small side . Lighting is very dim in the room . Reviewed Apr 2015 7 . 7 The room was modern and aesthetically pleasing , with comfortable beds and linnens . It 's not a big issue , but they gave me the wrong room type , and overall there wasn 't a whole lot of attention to detail . Reviewed Jul 2016 more reviews Location 1 ) Room was extremely small and uncomfortable . 2 ) AC Fan cycled on and off every 15 seconds or so keeping me awake during most of my first night there . I reported this to the front desk and asked that it be fixed , but was not . I had to turn off the AC the next two nights in order to sleep . 4 ) Only 4 elevators for a 25 story building made getting from floor to floor very difficult . For example : getting coffee and ice ( each available at only 1 location in whole hotel ) took an unacceptably long time due to long elevator waits . 5 ) Staff was not very helpful . One of our guests left an item in another room . I had to follow up with lost and found 3 times before I was able to get it back . 6 ) in short . . . while I 've stayed in many hotels in my life , this is one of the worst experiences I have had . Next time I will stay in a Red Roof or similar . . . . my experiences there have been much better . This was certainly the poorest " value for dollar " that I 've ever experienced . I have stayed at Kimpton hotels on the east and west coasts and I have always had an excellent stay . The rooms are clean and well decorated , the rates reasonable , the staff warm and welcoming and the customer service exemplary . Reviewed Dec 2016 10 . 0 We were in town for a wedding and gifted our reservation for Hotel Palomar to the newlyweds for the evening after their wedding . The staff at Hotel Palomar was fantastic - they quickly and easily added names to the reservation and a bottle of prosecco and lovely note was in the room when they arrived . They loved the room and we loved knowing they were well taken care of ! No complaints ! My fiance and I visited for the holiday weekend . Staff was very friendly and helpful . Room ammentities were updated . Great views of city ( of your on the right side of the building ) . king size bed was nice to have although it wasn 't especially soft . Room was cleaned every afternoon for when we returned . They have decent free wine ever day between 6 and 7 . The hotel lobby and elevators and hallways were nicely decorated , full of art . Room size was just average , didn 't have much if any more room compared to other hotels . The shower was nothing special , same size and same shower head I would find at a 2 or 3 star hotel . Nothing was inclusive except for a few toiletries you may have forgotten at home . We had a weird Brown smudge on one of our end table drawers that room service had to clean up . Only 4 elevators for 25 floors of rooms was bad , if your in the top floor like we were we had to stop at 4 - 5 floors going up or down before we arrived at our room or the lobby . Ice is Only on one flone which is extremely inconvenient . These negatives were a big let down , overshadowing the positives for the price you pay . Absolutely LOVED staying here . My boyfriend and I stayed here after the marathon . Bottled water when we arrived , champagne and the staff upgraded our room ! We got there 3 hours earlier for check - in and because our Queen room wasn 't ready yet and my boyfriend was visibly exhausted from the marathon , they gave us a King room that was ready . The rooms are the perfect size , comfortable bed , clean bathroom with amenities , and room service was fantastic . Free wine social hour by the fire was incredible . Hotel is centrally located with a lot of great food surronding . We ' lol be staying here anytime we 're in Philly ! 18 % gratuity and 5 $ service charge placed on the food service is a bit excessive . The lady ( who was so sweet ) brought the tray into our room and had me sign a receipt that had a tip option on it . Just mad it a little uncomfortable . It didn 't take away how amazing the food was though ! My hubby and infant stayed at this hotel for new years day , and we loved our experience . It was convenient to downtown philly , our city view king was spacious for a downtown hotel , and the hotel extras , like happy hour , morning coffee , and all day hot cocoa were lovely ! Reviewed Jan 2016 more reviews The downstairs spa and pool was relaxing and very clean . The staff throughout the hotel was friendly and quick to take care of anything we needed . Even though the valet parking quickly retrieved our car and due to the difficult nature of street parking in Philadelphia , well worth the cost . We had a wonderful time at the Franklin . Reviewed Apr 2016 10 . 0 The location was great - - right across from independence park with many other attractions within easy walking distance . We had a great view of the park through two big windows in our room . The staff was very friendly . Although the hot tub was broken and much missed , the spa was otherwise very enjoyable . I particularly appreciated the valet and doorman offering to allow us to park in front of the hotel while we loaded the car with our luggage . The drapery partly obscured the great view , and could not be pushed out of the way . Reviewed Feb 2016 8 . 5 We stayed one night and decided to extend our stay for two more nights . The location was perfect - walking distance to historical points of interest in Philadelphia and to the wedding and reception we attended . The room was well appointed with a nice view . Nothing . Beautiful rooms with attentive staff and great location . My stay couldn 't have been better ! Can 't wait to return to the Omni . Reviewed May 2015 8 . 5 Loved everything except restaurant staff . The front desk staff was excellent ! I tried to call in a pick - up order , and your restaurant staff was rude and didn 't put in my order . Front desk - asked for late check out , was told it was not possible because hotel was sold out that night . As the conversation progressed or digressed as the case may be , was told that I could extend for another night . Not sure why it 's okay to lie to people to their face Summary - not only will I never stay at that hotel again in philly , I will never stay in an Omni again . Not sure why the employees don 't understand that their pay checks come from money paid by guests . You might want to let them know how the revenue is generated . The room was very nice and fit our needs well . We thought the bed was as comfortable or even more comfortable than ours at home , which says a lot . Our shower didn 't work . After a hot night outside at the Cold Play concert , we wanted to take showers before going to bed . However , when you pull the knob to turn on the shower , it came right out of the faucet . It was almost 1 am in the morning and we didn 't want to call anyone . So we opted to take a bath but it was not what we wanted . Hence the reason I only gave the hotel a " Good " rating . Reviewed Aug 2016 6 . 2 The location was great . It was very close to everything . The staff was friendly and helpful . It wasn 't worth the money for what you got . It nickel and dimes customers for everything and amenities were overpriced . Parking , snacks , water . There isn 't a microwave or fridge in the rooms . A fridge was provided upon request but it was not in the best physical shape . The tub and cups weren 't the cleanest The rooms are beautiful . We stayed on the top floor ( 15th ) . There is always an elevator available . The staff was very friendly . The shower was the best I 've ever used in a hotel . It had a HUGE rainfall style top with a wand for all the hard to reach places and adjustable water pressure . The hot water was nice and HOT . And the bed was amazing ! The view of the nearby skyscrapers was beautiful and it 's in the best location to shop till you drop ! I would stay again but I would only book through kayak because I got the room for about $ 100 less per night ! ! ! ! The only downside was that I requested a quiet room and found the ice machine directly across the hall from me . I only heard a few people in the hall so it could have been worse . This Westin is very well located ! It is located directly across the street from the HUB Cityview for business meetings . It is one mile from the Liberty Bell , so the walk was great . There were plenty of restaurants to pick from around the area without going by cab . The Westin has a very nice bar which served us some very nice dinners . The staff was over the top great . Our room was so nice . A fall festival which was quite large was set up for Saturday right near the Westin . It was a great experience for us ! Reviewed Oct 2015 10 . 0 I had a quick one night stay in Philadelphia and chose the beautiful Westin . My room was first class , and service was exceptional . I will definitely stay here again . Reviewed Sep 2016 more reviews Clean , comfortable , friendly staff . Great location for conferences . Free bottled water and cold towels were highly appreciated during the summer heat wave . Reviewed Jul 2015 10 . 0 The hotel is well - located ( right across street from convention center ) and comfortable . The staff was friendly & helpful ( especially our housekeeper on the 8th floor - forgot her name ! ) Parking is a half block down in a small outdoor lot and is expensive ! The staff there ( private company - not hotel ) was incompetent . Reviewed Jan 2017 2 . 0 Nothing Located next door to a halfway house for addicts , homeless people laying and sitting on the sidewalk all around the building , no secure parking area within ? ? ? miles , staff totally unresponsive to questions about safety for guests and their vehicles . We left and went to another Hampton located in Vineland approximately 30 miles away due to the safety issues . Somone from your organization has to contact me as we did call your 800 number and got somebody in India that said they could not help us . I want you to refund us our money and if I have to take a full page ad in all major newspapers advising people what kind of service you provide I will . The serving and kitchen staff at the continental breakfast were so friendly and helpful . They also proved a great breakfast and it 's complimentary . Every staff member I encountered were helpful and polite . Reviewed Nov 2015 8 . 8 location was great , everything was fresh and clean , the staff was AMAZING ! ! the bar was great , breakfast was hot and tasty . I paid for a king sized bed room . i got a double full . they said sorry , gave me a free drink . but still . i wanted a romantic evening , and this didn 't ruin it , but it wasn 't what i had in mind when i booked it . Reviewed Nov 2016 more reviews It would be nice to have some kind if discounted parking . Also , we had dinner in the hotel 's restaurant and would only give it 1 - 2 star . Would not eat there again . Everything , location was great for everyone to enjoy . There 's a Marriott with full service next door , a Hard Rock and bunch or restaurants . Is also located on a historical area . N / a This was out 4th time staying and it was just as before . Clean friendly convenient and FANCY ! It 's a little hard to grab a cab / uber out front , but that 's the city . No reflection on the hotel at all . The room was gorgeous and the staff were very nice . The bed was way too soft . And the walls are thin so we we were woken up through the night by a group next door to us . We finally called the front desk at 4 : 30 and they addressed the issue . Reviewed Aug 2015 10 . 0 Front desk staff was very accommodating . The phone operators for reservations were very rude . I spoke to several ones during the week before my stay . Only the last one I spoke to was helpful . I ended up double booking because I was told by a staff member earlier in the week that they couldn 't find me on record of having booked a room so I ended up booking another . When it came close to check in , I was told that I indeed had booked the initial room . The last lady I spoke was very understanding and cancelled that initial room since I booked the second one through a third party . I loved the building it was very classic Philadelphia and very comfortable . It was very clean and the rooms were well kept . The bed was extremely comfortable ! The night staff didn 't seem as up beat as the morning staff - but then again they are working nights . They did their jobs and got my room key to me in very little time . : ) Reviewed Oct 2014 9 . 7 We had a wonderful stay at this clean modern hotel . . . It 's location could not have been any better . Will definitely stay here again . Reviewed Oct 2014 10 . 0 The location was great , room and hotel was beautifully decorated , and the price was so reasonable . I would definitely come back ! $ 50 to park your car is kind of expensive but you get a full 24 hours . Location is good , although there are 2 different Marriott hotels next door . We went to the wrong one first and already had valet parked our car before we realized it was the hotel next door . Received an email confirming room would be ready by 3 , upon arrival at 4 we were notified room was not ready and would be 45min . We were told they would call us when ready but after hour an a half of no call we went back to find there was a credit card issue which could have easily been resolved if they would have called . Wasted time wandering around downtown The hotel had a great feel when you walked in . It looked very clean and modern . When we arrived Saturday afternoon , there was no doorman to help with the bags . I ended up running into someone when I went to get a cart who was hanging out at the front desk talking . Also I was putting a stroller and there wasn 't anyone to assist with holding the door open . Lastly , there were 2 weddings going on . From our room , we could hear the DJ until past 11 : 30 at night which isn 't ok when you have small children and if you are a light sleeper . Reviewed Apr 2015 10 . 0 We only stayed for a night so did not get to take advantage of the beautiful lobby with many seating areas from high tops to cozy couches . Somehow it felt very open yet very homey and welcoming at the same time . Beautiful quiet neighborhood . Very friendly staff . The heater in our room sounded like a mini - explosion every time it kicked on . The walls were paper thin . We were wakened by two female voices and two babies at 7 : 30 am . I would have sworn they were in our room . Reviewed Nov 2016 10 . 0 Bell hops and valets were very kind and professional . Pet policy is not clearly stated on their website . We arrived at the hotel with the intention of sightseeing and ended up being stuck in our room watching our dog because the policy doesn 't state online that you have to stay with him at all times even if he 's in a crate . This made us on able to benefit from our complementary breakfast since he was also not allowed in the dining area and the entire purpose of the trip was for a Valentine 's Day getaway with my husband . It left us leaving the room individually and scrambling for last - minute plans . We did not get to enjoy our vacation the way we expected to and were even more upset that when we called to ask about the policy that we weren 't informed in advance . We did not get told until after check in Very close to the historical sites , restaurants and Penn 's Landing . Very friendly and helpful staff . Having access to the Club Lounge was very convenient to get breakfast or a drink to go . Only valet parking available . Getting used to the noise of the heat / Air conditioning unit turning on and off . It was very quiet while it was running , just the starting and stopping noise that might wake you up if you aren 't use to sounds .
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" I can 't imagine , " we say . We hear about shootings and war and about an alligator snatching a toddler in one of the most magical places on earth . These are the things of nightmares . " I can 't imagine what those poor families are going through , " we say . The thing is though , we can imagine . If you 're like me , you not only imagine , but you do so in great detail . I picture myself standing next to a Disney lake , my face tipped toward the fading Florida sun , my little boy next to me one second , the next , snatched . Underwater . Gone . Disbelief , horror , shock … the things nightmares are made of . I can picture myself texting my grown son . Him , hiding in a bathroom while gunshots spill the blood of those he was laughing with moments before . I can imagine screaming when I get no more replies to my " ARE YOU OKAY ? ? " texts … the things nightmares are made of . What if I told you that imaging is where true compassion begins ? That rather than judging and saying " Duh , alligators are everywhere in Florida , " when we imagine , we feel compassion , empathy , and love for fellow humans . When we choose to not place blame , we 're able to imagine the faces of those suffering . We 're able to feel true compassion for them . A woman I know had a son . While she 'll always have a son , he 's no longer here . He committed suicide as a teenager . People would 've understood had she taken to bed and never gotten up . Instead , she travels to high schools and tells her son 's story . She talks to teens . She spreads hope and reminds kids that life changes quickly . While today may be awful , next month may be the best they 've ever had . She does not blame . Rather than being angry that classmates were cruel to her son , she loves them . Tells them that if they ever feel desperate enough to end their lives , that she 's there . That they can call her , no matter what . It was warm for San Francisco . I walked to the bagel shop across from my hotel , passing several homeless people on my way . While walking , I browsed through the photos on my phone from last night 's meal . I 'd ended up paying and was freaking out a little about how much I 'd spent on this trip . When I got to the bagel place , there was a man , head bent , dirty , a paper cup of coffee cradled between his hands . I wondered whether he 'd be insulted if I bought him a breakfast sandwich . I got to the register and ordered 12 of them . " What type of bagels ? " the cashier asked . " Mix them up , " I said . " The best ones , I guess . " I got my order and walked over to the man holding his coffee . " I hope it 's okay , " I started . He didn 't turn around . He didn 't know I was talking to him . " Sir ? " He jumped a little bit , started to get up . " I 'm sorry ! " I said . Did he think he needed to leave ? " I 'm sorry . Perhaps you 've eaten already but you remind me of someone and … " I didn 't know what to say . I handed him a breakfast sandwich from my bag . He sat again , didn 't look at me . I felt like a dick and turned away . " Bless you . " I 'm not sure whether he said it or whether it was coming from the bag I held in my hands or from somebody else , but I turned back and put my hand on his arm . I wanted him to know I saw him . He looked up , smiled , turned , and opened his sandwich . The rest , I passed out along the way back to the hotel thinking about how little it was . How our meal the night before that included two bottles of wine would have paid for a sleeping bag , socks , and 100 more breakfast sandwiches . " It 's something , " the empty bag whispered . " You 're right , " I said . " It 's more than I did for him yesterday . " I got back to the hotel and looked in the mirror . " You 're so old , " I thought . " You 're beautiful , " I said to my reflection . Just now , as I was finally ready to read what I 've written and send it to Lisa who kindly asked me to write for # 1000Speak this month and then moved my Monday deadline to Wednesday and then to today " or soon , " my son came downstairs with his iPad . His dad had agreed to watch him tonight while I write , and I was annoyed . He pressed the play button on a YouTube video , and I expected to see Parkour or farts or waterslide videos . Instead , it was the story of Lego . " 17 minutes ? " I thought . Too long ! I need to write ! I remembered the man at the bagel shop and the time I told mirror - me that she 's beautiful , and I closed my laptop . His - too - big - for - lap - sitting body sat on my lap . Together , we watched the video from beginning to end . Every now and then , he looked up at me . Checking whether I was paying attention . Each time , I held him tighter . Kissed his neck . Stroked his hair . The video ended . " Thank you , " I said . " For what , Mommy ? " " For wanting to share this with me . For coming down . " " You like Lego , " he said . He kissed my cheek and ran upstairs , saying something about needing to build a robot suit . Feeling compassion can lead to change . It 's people like you and me and each of us who freed slaves , gave women the right to vote , and made it so that people with disabilities aren 't locked away . People like you and me are why my son received the support he needed in preschool to learn to use his voice so that one day , he too will be able to say " that 's not right , " and affect change . We 're why he has the support he needs today . We are why . We 're heroes , friends . Each of us and all of us . We 're the ones who can choose light rather than blame , and hope for change rather than fear . Our compassion can change the world . We choose things each day . While walking to buy coffee and breakfast sandwiches , we choose to see or not - so - much see those around us . While we look into mirrors and feel old or beautiful . When we make a choice between nesting in bed or talking to teenagers about suicide . We choose . I know that buying a homeless person a few extra minutes to sit in a shop while he eats eggs and cheese on a bagel isn 't much . I also know that it 's a start , and that imagination is always better than blame . Here 's to imagining ourselves to a better world every day and on all of the days . Kristi Rieger Campbell 's passion is writing and drawing stupid - looking pictures for her blog , Finding Ninee . It began with a memoir about her special - needs son Tucker , abandoned when she read that a publisher would rather shave a cat than read another memoir . Kristi writes for a variety of parenting websites including Huffington Post Parents , has been published in several popular anthologies , received 2014 BlogHer 's Voice of the Year People 's Choice Award , and was a proud cast member of the 2014 DC Listen to Your Mother show . Find her on Twitter , Facebook , and Pinterest . Share this : Share on TumblrTweetMorePocketPrintEmailLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted on June 24 , 2016June 24 , 2016 by Lisa @ The Meaning of MePosted in Compassion , Guest PostTagged # 1000speak , Guest post . 14 Comments # 1000Speak June - A Home Remedy for the World It seems no matter where you are across the globe , there is a story about something negative . Gorillas , alligators , mass shootings , politics , health care , animal cruelty , unemployment , gun control … I could go on , but I won 't . You know what the headlines and the horrors are in the world . You know that behind every headline is so much more of the story than we will ever know from reading the news . Maybe those stories are somehow better than what is presented ; maybe they are worse . But at the end of the day , no matter the story , the overarching problem I see is that the world is sick . I have a vague memory of a cartoon drawing of the earth with a cold - or something - and that 's what comes to mind lately . Our world is sick and it needs some kind of remedy . But what ? I see quotes and memes go by on my computer screen all the time suggesting what might help : The world needs love . The world needs faith . The world needs compassion . My # 1000Speak posts tend to focus on self - compassion and I suppose my words here will be no different . If we want to see change on a global level , we have to start on a personal level . As I thought more and more about this , I suddenly remembered some words I encounter very often at a place I visit regularly , but rarely take time to see . The words I 'll share with you here are from Robert Rodale and his wife , Ardath Harter Rodale , two people who dedicated their lives to improving not only their own lives , but the lives of others in various ways . Consider how their words might be applied on a very intimate , individual , and personal level , but also consider how they might be applied on a much larger scale . I know , I know . Given the magnitude and frequency of negativity in the headlines lately , how can we think that such simple and wholesome ideas would make a difference ? How is it possible to believe there is such light and hope and power in the world when there is so much evidence to the contrary ? Maybe if we can take even just a little bit of that positive thinking , that conviction that all living things have the potential for good , for change , and for health , we might see the world - and the people in it - in a different light . Maybe we can be gentler with ourselves , kinder and more compassionate to one another , more understanding and accepting of ourselves and of one another . What we need is a good old fashioned home remedy like Grandma 's chicken soup or hot tea with lemon . There may not be much proof of whether or not it will work , but it can 't hurt to hope and it can 't hurt to try . Try compassion . Try kindness . Try love . See if it helps . See if it makes you feel better . It certainly can 't make things any worse . Share this : Share on TumblrTweetMorePocketPrintEmailLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted on June 22 , 2016June 22 , 2016 by Lisa @ The Meaning of MePosted in Compassion , Guest Post , Nurturing , self - compassion , UncategorizedTagged # 1000speak , Compassion , Guest post , health , People , self - compassion . 10 Comments On being Kind and Compassionate # 1000Speak Compassion is nothing but being present to the suffering of others and responding with a desire to relieve them of this pain and suffering with kindness , care , love and support . The key to compassion is the art of mindfulness and the lesson of letting go . We need to learn to let go of our egos . We need to move beyond judgement and indifference . We need to learn to share space with complete strangers because this place is equally theirs . We need to feel the pain from the heart . Suffering does not necessarily have to be physical . It can be someone going through a stressful time in their personal or professional lives . Often we neglect the urge to provide a listening ear or offer a few comforting words because we believe that we are intruding into their lives . But many a times , it is those few words , those few minutes that can help save someone from making a wrong decision ( perhaps the last decision ) in their lives . Be helpful anyway . Be compassionate any way . Be kind any way . Together we can make this a better place . A peaceful place . A happy place . She stays in a building next to mine . The first person to have spoken to me when I moved in here . She came up to me and offered to help if I ever needed . The next time I saw her , she was surrounded by half a dozen street dogs barking non - stop . I was scared for her and wanted to protect her . I picked up some stones and was about to throw them at the dogs when I saw her bending down and pouring milk into an earthen bowl and a few bread slices into another . The dogs had stopped barking and were wagging their tails . And she wore the most beautiful smile I have ever seen on anyone . A few days later , one of the street dogs that resided in our locality got infected . It started bleeding from different places and shedding its skin showing the pink tissue underneath . Everyone ( including myself ) felt pity . But none of us did anything to help it from suffering . Some for fear of getting infected and some others out of disgust . We had accepted that this was the end of it . He wouldn 't survive . We nodded to ourselves . And then I saw her sitting next to the dog and applying some medicines . She fed him like a new - born baby . As it managed to take a few bites , she kept massaging his back and forehead . He looked at her with eyes shining as if to thank her for her kindness . A few weeks and the dog was fully cured and up and running . That day , I saw her . I found the reflection of the mother . At a school function , I met this man . He is a doctor by profession . But he has quit practice and is planting trees every single day , every single hour . Why ? Because some forty odd years ago ( when he was nine ) , his teacher had told him that the world will end in 2070 because of lack of oxygen and global warming . When he asked her how can this be prevented , the good soul that the teacher was she told him that planting more and more trees alone can help save the earth . And ever since he has planted more than one million trees . Why did he have to take it up so seriously ? He could have chosen to listen and let go like most of us . He was well aware that he might not survive to see the end of the world in 2070 . But he was aware that every drop matters . Every tree meant saving the world for a few more days . I haven 't seen another human as compassionate towards trees like him . If he ever sees a tree being uprooted or being cut down for infrastructural reasons , he silently weeps within . His revenge : planting more and more trees . What is it ? Why are they doing all this ? Why do they have to do all of this ? The answer is nothing but kindness and compassion . While fools like us sit and preach , people like them lead by example . They are aware that their deeds might not do anything for themselves . But they do it anyway because it helps someone else . Contentment and fulfillment are their prizes . We all have seeds of compassion inside us . It is a natural instinct present within all of us . It is restrained when we lack mindfulness and turn a blind eye to life . It 's just a matter of realizing it and letting it flow freely . Compassion does not restrict to relieving others of pain . It also means being kind towards ourselves . A smile or a kind word can make a big difference in someone 's life . The mere feeling that we are not alone in this struggle makes people get back up , be strong and have a reason to flourish . A heartfelt act of kindness goes a long way in the other person 's life . Share this : Share on TumblrTweetMorePocketPrintEmailLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted on June 5 , 2016June 6 , 2016 by RoshniPosted in Compassion , Guest Post , NurturingTagged # 1000speak , Compassion , Guest post , People , Rekha Dhyani . 5 Comments The Power of Self - Compassion In August 2012 , my husband and I did ' The Alchemy of Relatedness ' with Fanny and Colin , a couple who runs retreats in Devon , England . They call their work ' The Movement of Being . ' On this week - long retreat , held on Dartmoor , we stayed clear of ' normal ' distractions . In the mornings we sat outside facing the lush countryside of Devon and listened to bird song . Each day , the group met in a circle . If something came up , we had the opportunity to speak up and process our feelings . It 's amazing how much stuff comes to surface when we are willing to slow down and embrace stillness . I loved the time inside the circle . Feeling held and relatively safe , I could allow my feelings to surface . But time outside of the circle was a sheer torture . I know many people feel socially awkward . For me , it was verging on a phobia . Most of the time , I hid behind my husband . We huddled together , away from the rest of the group , enjoying the safety of our connection . On a typical day we had three circles . Towards the end of the retreat , Fanny and Colin suggested that we have a ' free ' evening . The plan was to gather around bonfire after dinner , chat and sing . Anxious , I went to have a shower . When I came out , my husband was sitting at the table with the rest of the group having his dinner . In that moment , something flipped inside of me . In total despair , I ran away . He was with them too . I was totally alone . I couldn 't bear the thought of joining the group at the table . Individually they were all lovely people . There wasn 't a single person I felt uncomfortable with . But as a group , they intimidated me : it was as if I disappeared . ' Did you go for a walk ? ' My husband asked . He had no idea about my drama . His casual tone was the last straw and I fell apart . Finally , I got it . That was the only way I could feel self - compassion . For years afterwards , I clung to the image and returned to that little girl every time I was open to feeling self - compassion . You see , I was brought up in a culture where when a child falls down , an adult can hit the child and reprimand them more . ' I told you not to … ' was a common phrase used in my family , if something went wrong . When I failed , I didn 't share with my loved ones . I knew I wasn 't going to get a compassionate response . It was only last summer that I really started to learn giving myself compassion . The power of self - compassion is astounding . On the face of it , the process I use is deceptively simple . All I need to do is to focus on my heart centre and solar plexus , and say ' I 'm so sorry [ fill in the blank ] . Yet within a few minutes , I feel lighter and calmer . It works without fail and has the capacity to heal the deepest wounds . Acceptance : to move through the pain , I need to face whatever is . It doesn 't mean resigning myself to the situation . Paradoxically , I can transform the pain once I acknowledge and accept what is . Kindness : with self - compassion comes kindness . It 's not a fluffy type of feeling . It 's more of a softening and relaxation in the face of discomfort . I 'm half - way through a certification programme in Compassion Key with Edward Mannix . As part of this programme , I am offering free Compassion Key sessions . If you 'd like to experience the power of self - directed compassion and shift a major issue in your life , give it a shot . It 's amazing ! This guest post is by Gulara Vincent . Dr Gulara Vincent is a writer , blogger , and a university law lecturer . Her book proposal was a winner of the Transformational Author Experience in the USA in 2015 . She lives in Birmingham , England , with her husband and two young children . You can visit her writer 's blog at gularavincent . com or connect with her on Facebook and Twitter ( @ gulara _ vincent ) . Share this : Share on TumblrTweetMorePocketPrintEmailLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted on May 17 , 2016 by YvonnePosted in Compassion , Guest PostTagged # 1000speak , 1000 Voices , Compassion , self - compassion . 26 Comments Self Compassion … Take Two A dear friend asked me to write about self compassion for the # 1000speak movement . Sweet of her to ask so I thought sure , I can do that . Then I started typing the most boring , mundane clinical description of my version of self compassion … . . truly it sucked . Then I remembered … . . I 'm not a clinician so how about I just get real with this topic ? Self compassion for me , is the act of being kind to myself and treating me like the awesome friend that I can be to others . It sounds all flowery , with hand holding , perhaps singing Kumbaya or at least a trip to the mall , but not always . Sometimes , just like with your good friends , someone needs a swift kick in the ass . A heavy dose of truth serum , removal of the blinders if you will . Yes that is also compassion in the long run . And guess what sometimes you need to do that for yourself . I grew up in a crazy household . Drunk mother , absent dad , I bore witness to some serious insanity and I mean that in the clinical sense . As a young girl I learned the ways of self preservation . It often meant hiding in the shadows and people pleasing to an extreme . I learned to read people and react in ways that they would favor . These were my defense mechanisms and they served me well , until they didn 't anymore . When I was 15 my mother tossed me into rehab . It wasn 't completely unfounded . I had decided to start drinking and experimenting with drugs just about the time when she first tried to get sober when I was 13 . Shitty timing on my part … . if I started a year or two earlier at say 11 , she would have been too drunk to notice any change . Teenage rebellion and sober mom did not get along well and after several warnings I found myself in rehab . I had no intention of getting sober , none . I thought I would just do my time , gain some street cred and go on my merry little way . I was wrong . A few days into my stay I had what is known as a spiritual awakening … . . please don 't leave I promise it isn 't overly religious . Anyway , my awakening was a moment of awareness . I know it sounds very new age … . it was really just a few moments of clarity when I realized the crazy shit storm of a life path I was on and I made a conscious effort to change course . I had a moment of realization and I made a decision to stay sober . That was in 1983 and I 'm still sober today . Huge act of self compassion right there . My first year of sobriety was insane . My mother got remarried when I left rehab and her husband got violent . End result , I was homeless . So there I was 15 , newly sober , scrambling to find a place to live . I wound up in nearly a dozen places in the course of my first year sober . Some were good , some were bad , one was horrendous . At this point my self preservation skills were in effect . When I finally got to a safe place I needed to add some tools to my toolbox . I was exposed to the 12 steps of AA and received a lot of counseling that first year of sobriety . I learned a lot that first year and more than 30 years have passed and I try to remain teachable . My tools for self compassion have changed as I have gone from a troubled teenager to a responsible adult - mother , wife , community member , business owner , et cetera . The transition has not always been smooth . This is not self indulgent . That 's right all the stuff you 've heard forever - eat right , exercise , get enough sleep , stay out of harm 's way . These are all valid and necessary in my life . I can feel a shift when I haven 't eaten , slept well and / or haven 't exercised . Self care is self compassion . I have to be honest with myself about the things I like and don 't like about me . This has often required coaching from a trusted friend . Was I an ass in that situation ? Should I apologize ? What can I do differently ? Or as I heard once , decades ago and probably in an AA room . Ask yourself three questions if you are unsure of how to proceed in a situation : Is it kind ? Is it true ? Is it necessary ? There have been plenty of times when I kept my mouth shut because I couldn 't give a yes to all three . And , honestly I apologize a lot because I am wrong a lot . Being able to look at myself and make changes ( or at least try ) helps me to make eye contact with myself . This is also , self compassion . Sometimes the thoughts I play in my head are inaccurate and they are almost always worse than reality . This can range anywhere from self loathing which manifests itself in really shitty negative mental name calling to full blown scenarios that do not exist . There are thoughts I have to routinely push away - I 'm fat , ugly , old , stupid , whatever the insecurity of the day is … . I need to fight it with something positive . This is also an internal dialogue - you 're healthy , you worked out , some people don 't even make it to 47 , you are a solidly decent human being , get a grip woman . Facts aren 't feelings , focus on the facts . I have been known to make lists of pros / cons for a variety of situations - work , love , wall color , anything . So basically I have to talk myself off the ledge , less than I used to but more than I want to . Being aware of the negative thoughts in my head and fighting them with purposeful kindness and awareness is self compassion . Not talking about solo romance here ( not that there 's anything wrong with that ) . More like self actualization . What brings you joy ? Do you have a calling or an urge to do something ? Was a seed planted years ago and you just haven 't watered it and given it sun ? I have made the things that make me feel joy a priority . Now I admit this isn 't always easy to schedule in . If you have financial / physical / other obstacles you might feel too tired to try a yoga class or maybe you can 't afford to go to a writer 's conference . That 's legit and I get that . Find a way to squeeze in your passion even if it is only in 10 minute increments . Like to write - keep a journal , blog or use social media to put yourself out there . Like to dance , check out the YMCA they might have some classes you can take on the cheap . My calling is hospice work . I felt the first pull in 1997 when my aunt was dying of cancer . It took me 11 years to have a schedule that allowed me to pursue becoming a hospice volunteer , but I did it . I hope this doesn 't come off preachy because honestly , I am not a fan of preachy . I just feel so strongly about people taking charge and being the best , happiest version of themselves . These are just my experiences with life and my version of self compassion . There isn 't a universal formula for success here . Just know that if you are struggling to be kind to yourself , others have been there . Please be good to you , you 're worth the effort . This post was written by Bryce Warden - Bryce isn 't her real name , but due to her shady , sordid past and a husband who adores privacy she started this little blog thing as her personal diary / midlife crisis . She has been through some sh * t people and shares her raw and honest stories on Was That My Out Loud Voice ? Bryce has been a SAHM with two kids for 10 + years . In her prior life , she was climbing the corporate ladder in the healthcare technology sector , super exciting field ( not really ) . She also runs a small business dedicated to caring for both people and pets and is a hospice volunteer . Bryce has lots of stories to tell ; some are funny and others will break your heart . So , grab your beverage of choice and put a lid on it - it could be a bumpy ride . Share this : Share on TumblrTweetMorePocketPrintEmailLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted on May 11 , 2016May 11 , 2016 by littlemisswordyPosted in Compassion , Guest PostTagged # 1000speak , Compassion , Guest post , self - compassion . 4 Comments The bomb my father dropped : # 1000 Speak Guest Post He 'd eaten his last spoonful of dessert . My step mother was in the kitchen clearing dishes . It was time for the conversation I 'd planned for . Conversation between us was still a shaky occurrence . The norm in my family had been silence ; cold and tense . It was just one of the ways my father asserted his authority . My body braced itself . This was not a conversation I anticipated going well . He was a rational , conservatively minded scientist who ridiculed anything ' alternative ' or unscientific . It took me four minutes or so to share my news . I tried not to be apologetic or defensive but some of that crept in as I spoke . I was dodging the bullets that surely would come because he was quick to shoot down anything he disapproved of . But when I finished my last sentence I noticed there was a strange cease fire . My father hadn 't said a word . He had listened without interrupting . My head started to spin . I 'd grown up mostly in fear of of my father . I loved the times he 'd carry me on his shoulders and later , when I was older , patiently helped me with my physics homework . But I 'd hated his sometimes cruel and domineering behavior . Earlier that year I 'd confronted him about his abuse and he 'd surprised me with an admission of wrong doing . We had just begun to walk a new road of healing our relationship . What was I to do with this news ? I was stunned . Just like the cancer , I was hearing this for the first time . I 'd grown up aware that his work involved submarines but that was about it . Quietly , as his secret unravelled his words became a confession . He wept silently . He poured out his shame . How he 'd loved his work , loved his brilliant mind ; but had burdened his heart by using his gifts for the purpose of building killing machines . I listened with rapt attention and my heart opened to his . The man I 'd known as unyielding and controlling was melted in front of me . He became like a young fragile bird that could be crushed with the brush of a hand . Words then flowed from my heart about my awakening ; about my ability to sense and engage with pure life energy to heal the body , mind and spirit . About my desire to use this knowledge to make a difference in the world . It was the perfect anti - dote to his shame . In our tender timeless exchange our spiritual sight had opened up . We saw each other as perfect reflections of each other . No longer father , daughter , killer , healer ; we were one movement of life becoming whole . In this heightened state of awareness I ' saw ' his higher soul self pass a baton , like in a relay race , to my higher self . His legacy was passed to me . My soul mission became clear . I was to redeem the karmic debt . In our world where conflict is ever more present ; in our workplaces , dance halls , churches and schools . Healing begins not by closing our hearts . Not by pointing the finger at the so called enemy ' out there ' . This conversation with my father brought home to me that human beings are highly complex . We have shadow and we have light . We are kind and mean , magnificent and stupid . And when we embrace all opposites in ourselves , we marry the darkness with the light and we heal ; and then we see each other as precious reflections of each other , not separate but as One . Let 's do this . Look deeply into your heart , and I 'll look deeply into mine . Let 's see the truth about ourselves and each other . Share this : Share on TumblrTweetMorePocketPrintEmailLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted on December 10 , 2015 by YvonnePosted in Compassion , Guest PostTagged # 1000speak , Guest post . 9 Comments An Experience with Compassion : # 1000Speak Guest Post This week I 'm excited to have David Breaux as our guest poster . David is an enthusiastic member of 1000 Voices and also has an amazing compassion project of his own . In this post he writes about how that came about , and why he joined 1000 Voices . Be sure to check out David 's blog once you 've read his post . On June 3rd , 2009 , I began asking people to share their written concept of the word compassion in a notebook . As of today , I estimate individually asking over 20 , 000 people and receiving over 10 , 000 responses . I do this as a personal endeavor to bring awareness to compassion and to help alleviate suffering in the world . While standing at the corner of 3rd and C Streets in Davis , California , I 'm often asked what am I doing there and why . My experience with compassion first began in 2008 . After ending a relationship , I felt depressed , lonely , and frustrated like we all do after a breakup . I was working on a screenplay without motivation . Overall , life felt bland . You know , that unsweetened Kool - Aid feeling . I knew there was a better way to live . While a student at Stanford , I had learned how to exercise my mind . I exercised my body by running and cycling . But I didn 't know how to exercise my spirit so I contemplated , For a year , I read books and watched YouTube videos on spirituality . I came across Karen Armstrong 's TED talk on compassion . This got me thinking , " What is compassion ? " I got a pen and a notebook and began writing my definition . I couldn 't pinpoint what it meant to me , so I left the small studio I lived in and went around Oakland , California and asked people to write their concept of compassion in the notebook . The simple act of asking turned out to be very fulfilling - I was engaged in deep conversations , I was learning and teaching , I was going outside after spending most of the days cooped up inside - and it felt rejuvenating . I continued on this process of self - inquiry . Feeling frustrated and recognizing my egotistical efforts were for naught , I surrendered . I lay on my back - legs straight and relaxed , arms to the side , with a focus on the breath . I decided to remain in this position - save for grocery shopping , eating , and using the bathroom - until I found an answer . I arrived at a space internally where I could hear that still , small voice . I asked , " What do you want of me ? How can I be of service ? " The voice said , " Go and keep asking people about compassion . " I asked , " What else ? " Immediately , the ego erupted like Godzilla out of the ocean and had its own questions , " Are you crazy ? What kind of answer is that ? How will I live and maintain this lifestyle ? How will I pay rent and bills ? What will this bring me ? " The still , small voice kept answering , " Ask people about compassion . " After going through different questions and scenarios , I finally accepted the answer . Soon after , I moved to Davis in May , 2009 . With renewed eyes , I began to see the impact of what I was doing and what was happening . I didn 't expect that asking people about compassion would amount to much nor did I expect it to grow so quickly . I soon realized that what I was doing was catching the attention of more and more people . Word - of - mouth brought more people to the corner every day for different reasons . People were coming to me for advice , to share their stories , or to just stand with me at the corner for a moment of quiet peace . Within a few months , thousands had written their ideas about compassion . Recently , I came across 1000 Voices Speak for Compassion , a Facebook group of bloggers writing and working for compassion . When I heard about it , I immediately and enthusiastically explored it and invited everyone I know who works with compassion to join the community . I also asked to join the group , feeling like I was in flight with 1000 others flying in formation . Reading what others share in the group about compassion enables the continuous growth of information for what I do in bringing awareness to compassion . As a lifelong learner about compassion , the blog posts help the unending contemplation of compassion . The group also provides a positive media platform and awareness for those who wish to bring more peace , love , and compassion into the mainstream . David H . Breaux activates compassion by asking people to share their written concept of the word compassion in a notebook . He received a B . A . from Stanford University in Urban Studies , is a featured contributing blogger to the Charter for Compassion , author of " Compassion : Davis , CA " , and is an unofficial " street therapist . " He recently completed a yearlong Compassion Tour asking people around the US " What is compassion ? " David 's intent is to bring awareness to compassion by encouraging people to think about what compassion means to them . Through this simple gesture , people are moved to contemplate compassion and inspired to act toward the alleviation of suffering in the world . Share this : Share on TumblrTweetMorePocketPrintEmailLike this : Like Loading . . . Posted on November 12 , 2015November 12 , 2015 by YvonnePosted in Compassion , Gratitude , Guest PostTagged # 1000speak , Compassion , Gratitude , Guest post . 3 Comments Posts navigation Post was not sent - check your email addresses ! Email check failed , please try again Sorry , your blog cannot share posts by email . % d bloggers like this :
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+ I liked it . It was very interesting & a nice twist on the dragon theme . Actually , dragons are NOT actually a huge part of the book , more of the presence & influence of them . A big part of the book was how men were the strong ones , and women were weak & they couldn 't do anything , and how Eon ( later Eona ) is changing peoples opinions about it . A critique is that I felt like the author looked at some subjects too much , and some too little . Favorite character : Lady Dela . Least favorite : Uygo . + I hate this book because it was boring . My least favorite character was Hal . I think people might enjoy this book if they like a boy who becomes a skandran warrior . I hate this book because it was boring . My least favorite character was Hal . I think people might enjoy this book if they like a boy who becomes a skandran warrior . Revision as of 15 : 12 , 16 August 2013 Ratings are on a scale of 1 to 5 , with 5 being the best . Newest reviews appear at the top of the list for each star rating . Contents I loved it because it was an awesome book . My favorite character was Max . She was a cool , loyal , deadly and funny character . I think anyone should read this book regardless of their age . It was worth reading and was filled with pace , action , mystery , and cools . This is a great book because it 's an action and adventure based story which is the kind of books I like to read . My favorite character is Alex Rider because he 's very smart in tight situations . People who are just like me who like action and adventure would like reading this book . If you want it in full detail then you should read the chapter book first . Review by Anfaz , grade 7 Point Blank is a great book because it has a bunch of action and adventure . My favorite character is Alex Rider because when it comes to scary and tight situations he always knows what to do . Teens who are just like who like action and adventure books would enjoy this book . Review by Anfaz , grade 7 I have always enjoyed Cassandra Clare 's books . They are books I would love to live in . Her novels are so well written that sometimes when I am reading them I forget where I am . This is her second series and it closely relates to her first series , the Mortal Instruments , except for the fact that it takes place in London in the 18th century . This is the first book in the series and there are two others : The Clockwork Prince and The Clockwork Princess . I highly recommend reading this book / series and reading more of Cassandra Clare , but make sure you get parental permission because she is a bit of an intimate writer at times , in both series . Words of Stone is an emotional book about Blaze and Joselle . Blaze and Joselle are in the summer after 5th grade . Blaze 's mother died when he was 5 . Joselle 's father left them before she was born . They meet and become friends . But Joselle hides everything and is cruel . Blaze 's dad has a new girlfriend . Everything is askew ! What happens ? Can you imagine living in a world where everyone - including you - believed love was a disease ? This is Lena 's world … until she meets Alex . Lena realizes that the government has been lying to everyone . Escaping before it 's too late sounds like a good idea now . Cinder , by Marissa Meyer , has a great twist on Cinderella , one of the oldest fairytales by the Grimm Brothers . Cinder is a robot who is the key to saving the lives of millions of people and bringing an evil kingdom down . In this story you learn everything is not as it seems . The Selection , by Kiera Cass , is one of the best books I 've read other than Catching Fire . Reading this book has your eyes and hands captivated to keep on reading . Turning the pages becomes automatic . There 's romance , suspense , and even some action ! The Selection has heartbreak but it has a great ending ! Read the next book , The Elite , too ! I love Babymouse because she daydreams about a topic she hears . She thinks she can do something but she can 't . My least favorite character is Felicia . She 's the popular one in school , and makes Babymouse look bad , but sometimes Babymouse can outwit Felicia . I would think Babymouse would be a good book for people that like comics . I LOVE this book ! It took me a while to get into it since I thought it was a " flat book " ( my term for not very funny books since I lean towards witty books ) at first , but I was proved wrong by the dry yet witty humor . I also thought it would be a zombie tale because of the back , but it wasn 't . It 's an epic survival tale of things that go bump in the night ! When I read this book , I stayed up all night until I finished it . I actually wrote a little fan fiction about Tris and Tobi ( aka Four ) . Anyways , you see Tris in the beginning as a girl from Abnegation . Abnegation is where you put others before yourself . And she really doesn 't like that lifestyle , but she doesn 't hate it either , so she sticks with it . So when choosing day arrives ( the day where you choose any other functions to live in , including you own . The others are Dauntless ( bravery ) , Amity ( peace ) , Candor ( honesty ) , and Erudite ( intelligence ) . ) , she chooses Dauntless because she feels oddly draw to it . So you follow this initiation process that is so hardcore , it leaves you breathless . Plus , some mystery and romance gives it a nice touch . A great read . Review by Jessica , grade 8 Divergent 's sequel left me wanting more ( Allegiant is coming out soon ! ) . This was another up all night read . This book goes deep into the Amity culture and reveals the plan that was that was so fishy in the first book , about how Euridite was releasing claims about how Marcus was treating his son , Tobias ( aka Four ) . What is that about ? How does that have to do with Tris ' mom ? One choice can destroy you . Review by Jessica , grade 8 OMG ! The Clique was a suspenseful , dramatic , realistic fiction about Massie , Kristen , Alicia , and Dylan . They have a " clique " , the most popular clique in school . Then Claire movies into Massie 's , the head of the clique 's , house . Her world is turned upside down ! THIS BOOK ROCKED ! ! ! The Duff brings up many self - esteem issues that go through the minds of teenage girls . I think my favorite character is Wesley , the playboy ! Though Bianca constantly disses him , he still is kind ; even with his own problems to deal with . Things like loneliness , a broken family , and parents who are never around . This is definitely a more mature teen book ( 14 + ) . Review by Taylor , grade 10 I loved this book because it is a great continuation of the 39 Clues series . My favorite character is Dan because he likes to solve puzzels . I think people who like the 39 Clues series would like this book ( 9 - 14 ) . I loved this book because of the interesting storyline and the series . My favorite character is Dan because he has a photographic memory . People who like the series would like this book . Ages ( 9 - 14 ) . I loved the CD very much ! The pop sound is very on point with what they say it is . I like it just as much or even more than the first CD called Up All Night . The best song in my opinion is I Would or She 's not afraid . One of my least favorites was Rock me it was more hardcore than the other songs but just a little bit less of a good song than the others . It 's definitely a bubble gum pop maybe a bit of rockish pop . I think teenage girls 11 - 17 would like this CD . I love it a lot and so do some of my friends my age . I loved this book because its plot was suspenseful . Also I liked the adventure and fighting . My least favorite character was Jeb because he was a mean mad scientist . My favorite character was Maximum Ride . She was leader of her group and trying to save the world . Also she is a bird mutant . I think people who love to read suspenseful , sci - fantasy or adventure books , should read this book . I couldn 't put this book down ! Bad Island is a great graphic novel because it shows a disagreeing family who takes an adventure and starts acting like a real family instead of enemies . My favorite character is Reese because he 's the athletic type who likes to be alone sometimes . This would be a good book for people who like action and adventure . I loved this book because of all the action . My favorite character is Jonah because basically he gets what he wants . I think people who like the 39 Clues series would like this book ( 9 - 14 ) . Ella Enchanted is one of my all time favorite books . My friend gave it to me and said that she had read her copy so many times the binding broke . I have already read it about ten times . This is a wonderful book for all ages about a girl who is cursed with obedience . And AMAZING story for sure ! Storm Thief is a very good book . It 's full of action and adventure . Also , some fantasy . My favorite character would probably be Rail because he is determined and loves adventure . I would recommend this book to anybody who likes the Ranger 's Apprentice series or just loves action and adventure . I really liked this book because it is showing really hard work . They trying really hard to earn money . You will have to read the rest to find out what happens between this brother and sister war ! I really liked this book ! It was full of adventure and a little bit of mystery . Doon and Lina are the main characters that go on an amazing and exciting adventure trying to escape the city because soon the city lights are going to go out forever ! This book is good if you like adventure . First of all , I liked this book because every page I read was full of suspense . It wasn 't a boring book . My favorite character was Lady America and my least favorite character was Prince Maxon . It 's a young adult book . If you like to read fantasy stories and romance stories you should read it . " All who accept this challenge to the 39 clues will receive a clue that might lead you to the most important treasure in the world and make you powerful beyond belief or it might kill you . " ( page 20 ) . I loved this book because of the great idea Rick Riordan had to make a quest for 39 clues . I loved the way he incorporated historical facts with a modern day quest . My favorite character was Dan Cahill because he has a photographic memory . I think it would be cool for you to just look at something and memorize it quickly . I think kids from ages 9 - 14 would like this book . The race continues to find the 39 clues that safeguard a great power , and 14 year old Amy Cahill and her younger 11 year old brother Dan are shocked to find themselves in the lead . I loved this book because the clues revolve around a different historical figure this time it was Mozart . I enjoyed learning about Mozart 's life , and visiting museums and famous cities where Mozart preformed . My favorite character was Dan because he likes anagrams and puzzles just like me . I think people who liked the Maze of Bones would like this book . The Sword Thief was another good clue hunt . I was surprised that Amy & Dan teamed up with Uncle Allistair and then added Ian & Natalie to find the 3rd clue . I liked this book because of the way it was written . I just couldn 't put the book down . My favorite character was Dan because he loves math and is good at it just like me . People who liked book # 1 and # 2 would love this book . I loved this book because I could never put it down . I read it everyday . My favorite character was Amy because she can see the big picture . I think people who like the rest of the series and kids in middle school would like this book . I LOVED this book because of it 's inspiring story . though it isn 't action packed I think it 's a page turner . The story was about love , friendships , trust and hope during an immense change in a girl 's life . OF all the books I 've read in all eleven years of my life Paint the Wind is my favorite . Review by Mekenzie , grade 5 First of all , I loved this book because I wondered what happened to Alianne . My favorite character was Alianne because she was a brave spymaster . My least favorite character was Sarai because she was beauty but annoying character . I think people who are interested with fantasy , violence , and monarchy should read this book . Review by Lynn , grade 11 The Selection by Kiera Cass I loved it because the last time I read book 2 , I adored it . However , I didn 't know there was book 1 , so I read it . My favorite character is Lady America because she was a nice and shy lady . My least favorite character is Prince Mason . I didn 't like his personality and his background . I think people who like reading fantasy and young adult books . Also people should read it because every page I read was filled with suspense . Review by Lynn , grade 11 Some of my friends had me get this from the library , they talked about it so much that I just had to check it out . And I am so happy that I did . Cass had me hooked from the very first paragraph . I stayed up until midnight reading this and as soon as I finished it I bought the second one on my nook . THE SELECTION is a beautiful written book that I am going to read over and over again until I get so sick of it I put it in a box and put it in my closet until I go to college . The thing I loved most about this book was hearing about all of the outfits the Selected got to wear to all of the events . It made me wish I liked there even though they have a caste system worst ( and in some ways better ) than the one they used to have in India . In this novel all of the gowns that the young ladies wore were hand sewn by each of the Selected personal maids . If someone asked who my favorite character was I would have to say America because she is so independent and so opinionated . I feel that is the way all women should be , well most anyway . I like how she talks the Prince Maxon sometimes , she treats him as an equal not like a One ( the highest caste . ) You see more of this personality in the second book , which I loved . The thrilling squeal to Wither , main character Rhine continues on her journey to find her brother and reach her home back in Manhattan . Rhine and her friend / lover Gabriel trek up the East Coast of a futuristic America . But while they get closer and closer to their goal , Rhine gets more and more sick . Dangerously high fevers and ultra severe flu symptoms show up but there is no cure until . . . one day , her old enemy shows up on her doorstep when she is at her weakest point ! What happens to Rhine ? Does she find her brother ? Read this fast paced adventure to discover her journey . Cactus aka Yamada - San asked out Fujioka - Kun , but was rejected . Then a snobby rich prep student comes in and makes a scene ! Fujioka - Kun is not happy . Yamada - San bumps into an old friend of Fujioka - Kun 's . Things get crazy ! The rich boy fed up with Fujioka - Kun . He makes a plan to get Fujioka - Kun expelled , and it works . Yamada - San pleads for the rich boy to let Fujioka - Kun back in school ! So , to prove the rich boy 's love , he let 's him back ! But who knows what they will do ! ? I love this series ! It 's 1 of my favorite series and this book was 1 of my favorite book in the series . I like how Harry found this connection to Voldemort even though it lead to Someone 's death . I also like the connection because it shows he 's actually 1 of the few people who can defeat him . My favorite character was Harry mainly because he 's the person the series is about . I LOVE HARRY POTTER ! ! ! Review by Lipi , grade 7 If you 're reading this it 's too late is an exciting book written by Pseudonymous Bosch . It 's a thrilling novel mixed with humor and suspense . My favorite character is the Homurculus . It is a small creature that is grumpy and has a humorous but bad attitude . My least favorite character is Mr . L . He is a evil man determined to have a young life forever . He goes to extrmeme ways . People in middle and elementary school will enjoy this book . Especially people who enjoy thrills . Out of My Mind is a wonderful book for all ages . The main character , Melody , is disabled and I love stories that show people doing something unthinkable . My favorite character was Melody because of her personality , and my least favorite characters were Rose and Claire . Rose seemed nice , but then let Melody down , and Claire was just plain mean all the time . I think that this is an excellent book and that everyone should read it . Project Sweet Life is an amazing book because it 's so interesting how these 15 year old boys will do anything to make easy money without getting a summer job . My favorite character is Dave because towards the end of the book he uses his brains in a smart way to solve the mystery . I recommend this book to teens who are willing to make money without having a summer job . I liked Ben Hur because of the journey of Ben Hur had . He was a prince and their paddling boats in Roman ships and then being a chariot race winner . My favorite character was Ben Hur because he is smart and determined . I think people who are 12 and up . I loved this book because of the suspense and action . My favorite character was Dan because he proves if you try your hardest you can achieve . I think people who like the first 4 books will like the book . Also , people from ages 9 - 14 would like this book . I loved this book because of the creative writing by Jude Watson . My favorite character was Dan because of his creative and imaginative thinking . I think people who like the first 5 books will like this book . Also , people from ages 9 - 14 would love this book . I loved this book because every page I read , there was danger . My favorite character was Maximum ( Max ) Ride . She was a great leader and she was bird mutant . My least favorite character was Ari . He was mean bully and he is Eraser . I think people who like mutants or fantasy should read this book . I loved this book . I thought it was very interesting & I couldn 't put it down . I loved how Anne Frank wrote . She seemed to be absolutely truthful in her journal , and I liked that . I could really relate to her , as I think many can . I laughed out loud at parts and was devastated when I read the end note , even though I already knew that the members of the Secret Annex met unfortunate ends , including Anne . Afterwards , I was slightly overwhelmed by thinking about all the individual lives that were cut short in WWII . I only had one dislike of the book : that her dad edited it ! Who would want their dad editing & reading their journal ? But all in all , this book was amazing & one of the best I 've read ! Inkheart is a wonderful , exciting story . I loved it because characters got to come out of the books . There is also a movie which is really cool to watch . My favorite character is Meggie because she read Tinkerbell out of the book and because she shared her father 's gift . I think all ages could enjoy it except for really small kids . I love this book because it was from a teenage 's perspective . My favorite character was Ruby . I think this book is for people who are 12 - 17 or are just big fans ( like me ) of Sarah Dessen . A little boy named Willy is going to race in a dogsled race , because his grandfather is very sick . While his grandfather is sick a tax collector comes bye and Willy 's grandfather is sick , he doesn 't have the money . So the tax collector has to take the house , but there is a lot of people racing in the race , and one of them is Stone Fox . He has never lost a race . This is a series of twelve books that I am reading . I love these books becuase they are filled with action , worry , and suspence . Callum Ormond is my favorite character . He is a hunted fugitive and is now on the run . Callum is only 15 years old and he has to survive 365 days . I think that people who like action book would like this . Ages 10 to 15 would probly like it . I love this book because it had a lot of action in it . I had a lot of favorite characters . This book is filled with action , humor , and mystery . This book is for kids who like action and humor . I loved this book and so will you . Their are 4 books in this series so read them all . I love this book because it is about a bunch of friends putting something together . My favorite character is Kate because she never gives up and you can tell she is kindhearted and determined . She didn 't stop trying to earn money for her dad 's b - day present . This is a great book for kids that are thinking about having a lemonade stand . A World Away is about a 16 - year old named Eliza , who has been Amish all her life . She has never tried on a pair of jeans , never made a phone call , or watched TV . She is asked for a nanny job for two kids , and excited accepts . She learns the good , bad , and the ugly of learning of love , life , and lessons of the non - Amish world . She learns that most of the time , the life your blessed with is the life your meant to belong to , even if it doesn 't seem that way . This was a phenomenal book ! I liked this book because it made you think about what is going to happen next . My favorite character is Meg . I like Meg because you can tell she is adventerous and likes taking risks . I think kids from 4th grade to 7th grade would like this adventerous tale . I liked how the author made the setting feel like the future and it could happen . I felt like every chapter Lena was changing and starting to realize love is good and it is something to celebrate . I liked how the ending was put together . I feel like this was a fast paced book that left me wanting more at the end . I thought it was a great book . review by Megan , grade 9 I like it because it was kinda like me . My favorite character is Nikki J . Maxwell . Recommend to 10 , 11 , 12 , and 13 year olds . I felt that Beautiful Creatures had a great story line . I liked that they placed it in the real world . It made it feel like it could happen . I liked how they made the connection with Lena and Ethan . It made it feel magical . All around it was a great book that most people would like to read . Review by Megan , grade 9 It 's very captivating with major romance and mystery . A simpleton guy from a small town finds out that this new summer time city isn 't all its cracked up to be . There are real vampires and some aren 't as friendly as they seem . It is truly a must read for the summer . Review by Robin This book is easy to read and keeps you wanting to know more . Personally , I loved Gus , he was sweet and hilarious . This book is perfect for anyone in middle school or up ! Review by Amanda The book I 'm doing my review on is " Matilda . " I picked Matilda because it 's one of my favorite books . I also enjoyed the movie . Matilda is about a little girl growing up on her own in a family she doesn 't belong . She discovers that she has magical powers . In the end she was adopted by her teacher which she loved , and they lived happily ever after . Curing disease seems to be the new big thing around books these days , yet out of all of them this just might be my favorite . First starting it I thought it was as boring as all heck and put it down , but like anything you can 't start something and not finish it so , I did and absolutely loved it . I highly highly recommend it and if you have the same trouble as me , push through it : I promise it gets better , way better . The characters are really interesting , but I think it is the plot that is the most intriguing . I would recommend this for the young adults age group ( teens ) . Clearly with a rating of five , I enjoyed this book . It was a play off of the original story " Cinderella , " a story that I basically hated as a kid because the main heroine was pathetic and never stood up for herself . The tomboy Cinder is the exact opposite , someone people can actually relate to and an all around likeable character . Cinder was very much original because it didn 't take the exact same story / plotline and rewrite it as a modern story , but took the basic skeleton of the story and added tons of new components making it a new story . It might have been pretty predictable throughout , but overall was really good , so I 'm excited for the next 3 books ! This book was outstanding ! Yes , it was and is most definitely meant for an older audience ( teens and such ) but half of the obscenities are what make this book so great . I 'm sure a lot of teens can relate to what went on in this book . It was hilarious , thought provoking , heart wrenching , and just about every other emotion there is all at the same time . I myself did not enjoy the back cover 's description . I don 't think it made for an intriguing sort of " explanation " , but ignore the back . I did and LOVED this book . So obviously I recommend this book , along with his other books which are also really good . This review is on " Witness " . I chose this book because it is a good / sad book . This book is about a lot of different things but it 's basicly about a Klu Klux Klan group in a small town in Vermont . This book is very racist but it ends up being good in the end . My favorite character was Esther Hirsh a 6 year old girl from New York . Review by Mariah , Grade 9 My book review is on " The BFG . " Also known as " The Big Friendly Giant . " This is a very popular children 's story . I read it for the first time when I was in 2nd grade . This book is mainly about a little girl named Sophie who lived in an orphanage , and one night she was awake and was kidnapped by a friendly giant and taken to giant land where many giants lived . In the end the giant was able to come live with everyone and treated normal . My favorite character was Sophie because she was intelligent . I really liked this book . With many twists and turns it made for suspenseful and exiting reading . I was so happy with it I ended up reading the whole 11 - book series in about a month ! This book was really great . I had seen it on shelves for quite some time and it wasn 't until a while that I picked it up and really saw its … awesomeness . Although I must say it got a little confusing eventually . Bloomability is about a girl who 's family moves a lot - ever 6 months to a new place . Soon she is sent to Switzerland , which she hates , and learns how to speak Italian , Spanish , Japaneze , and French at an American School . She soon makes close friends w / some of her peers and goes on a skiing trip w / them . Two of them are burried in an avalanche , and I won 't tell you if they survive . She soon loves this school and can not bear to leave her friends ( some who are not coming back next year ) and their is no guarantee she will . She soon learns the value of friendship and that no one will ever forget her . Responsible Rosalind , future astrophysicist Skye , Jane the author , and shy batty along with their father are on their way to the summer of their lives at Arundel , home of Jeffrey and the despicable Mrs . Tifton . There will be love . There will be brownies . There will be butterfly wings , bunnies , and bulls . There will be heartbreak , writing , and piano . And , there will be Algebra and roses . Sweet Venom is a wonderful book . It is a fun , exciting take on Greek mythology . I really like the author 's style of writing , she uses descriptive language to create the atmosphere and setting . This book is about three girls who discover that they are long lost triplets , and also descendants of Medusa . They have to keep the mortal world safe from monsters who come out of an abyss to feed on the humans life force . Gradually the wall that separates the mortal word from the abyss starts to break and more and more monsters start to escape the abyss and come into the mortal world . I liked it . It was very interesting & a nice twist on the dragon theme . Actually , dragons are NOT actually a huge part of the book , more of the presence & influence of them . A big part of the book was how men were the strong ones , and women were weak & they couldn 't do anything , and how Eon ( later Eona ) is changing peoples opinions about it . A critique is that I felt like the author looked at some subjects too much , and some too little . Favorite character : Lady Dela . Least favorite : Uygo . Review by Natalie , grade 8 I hate this book because it was boring . My least favorite character was Hal . I think people might enjoy this book if they like a boy who becomes a skandran warrior . Review by Lynn , grade 11 First I felt this book was boring but the more pages I read , it made me read the book . My favorite character was Han . Someone gave him an amulet that could be dangerous to destroy all the kingdoms . I would say that anyone should read it because it was interesting , but I thought this book was okay and wasn 't so boring like the rest of the books . Review by Lynn , grade 11 I thought it was great ! At first I was skeptical of it having polygamy in it , since that 's not really my thing , but it turned out well . Rhine 's choices throughout the book are what gripped me . I don 't want to spoil anything , but I can definitely tell something is going is going to happen with her father - in - law . I can 't wait to read the next book . Have you ever wondered what it 's like to live the life of a glamorous 12 year old ? Well now you can know . Massie Block is a ridiculously rich 12 year old who owns designer bags and clothes . Massie is very content with her " clique " until Claire moves in . Will Massie be able to accept a new girl in her group ? This book has what my local librarian calls " right of passage . " You have to get through the first part before the book becomes any good . That is what happened with this book . However once I got past the slow part I loved it . The characters were extremely dark and I loved that . There are not many books that has many dark character that are fighting for good . Other than this there are not many things to report back . It was a good book , but any mistakes that really jumped out at me . Review by Paige , grade 10 There were some parts in the book that the dialogue was not the best in the world . There were a ton of times that the author made the characters say , " Oh , blah blah blah . " I do not know about you , but that makes me think that the character is sighing or having an epiphany . I did like the depth of the characters , and the range of them . Polly Shulman has a three year old as a hero in this novel , I think that just comes to show that she thinks that anyone can be a hero , no matter what their size . Another character that you would not suspect to be a hero , Jaya , a ten year old girl . She figures out things that the teens in the novel would never figure out . Review by Paige , grade 10 I think the book is very fast paced . Even when they were in the peaceful country Alex still got shot at by a bunch of spoiled stuck up boys . The action never stopped from the beginning to the end . I loved it because it was a book based on comparison between boys & dogs and girls & cats . My favorite character was Yumi , Annabelle 's friend because of how much she loved animals . A sixth grader who was new at school and wanted to be able to blend in . I liked this book because it was funny . The outfit designs were pretty . You can tell that Annie has a big imagination . In this book you 'll see a blast of fun and style ! Terrier is the first book I 've read by Tamora Pierce , who people have been recommending to me for a long time , so perhaps I went into it with my expectations a little too high . Or maybe reading murder mystery books geared for adults has ruined me for reading Young Adult murder mysteries . Or it could have been that my dubious talent for spotting the hidden bad guys of a story kicked in , but by the 300th page , I knew what the ending was going to be . I knew who shadowed ( geddit ? ) antagonist was . So for me , it was a bit of a drag reading the last 200 odd pages in the book , only to have everything I 'd already known confirmed in the last five pages . Of course , as I said , my realizing the whole ending could just be one of my talents for guessing plot lines , so don 't let that turn you off of the book . I also wasn 't a fan of the first couple pages , but that 's a matter of personal style preference , so I 'll let you draw your own opinions . Now that I 've gone over what I didn 't like , I start with what I did , The heroine , Rebakah , was strong , with a large supporting cast who helped her along , but it didn 't feel like they were constantly having to rescue her out of everything . She was clever , if slightly naive , but that fades as the book progresses . Tamora Pierce certainly knows what she 's doing in creating a tough girl . The world was very interesting , and I enjoyed learning more about the Dogs , the peacekeepers of the land . They do use slightly different language , so that can take a little while to get used to , but if you 're really stuck on a word , try the glossary in the back . There 's also a character index and a list of terms it can be good to be familiar with as you learn about their world . I 'm not sure that I had a favorite character , but I was fond of Rosto , the roughish character who sweeps in a few chapters in , and Beka 's two Dogs , Turnstall and Goodwin , who are charged with training her from a training puppy into a full - fledged Dog . I would recommend this book to tweens or younger teens with a taste for resourceful , stroReview by Thea I think this book is interesting because it 's about 3 fifteen year old boys who are told to find summer jobs but they will do anything to have freedom for their last summer before they enter the working world . My favorite character would be Curtis because he acts like a leader . This book is perfect for the teens who are trying to get out of there summer jobs . First of all I liked this book because I liked how the wolves find the new land . My favorite character was Gwyneth because she was a brave owl and I love Guardian of Ga ' Hoole series . My least favorite character was Edme . She was an annoying wolf . I think people who like wolves . Rhine Ellery lives in a futuristic society where women die at 20 and men die at 25 years of age . There are some who are researching the possibility of an antidote but few live long enough to make progress . Rhine is a strong - willed 16 year old who is kidnapped and introduced to a new wealthy lifestyle , but what she discovers is so horrible she knows she has to escape somehow . And housemaster Vaughn is watching around every corner . Is Rhine able to escape ? Is she able to find an antidote to the disease that is wiping out the human race ? Check out Wither today ! The Serpent 's Shadow by Rick Riordan is about two kids ages 14 and 12 who are magicians . It 's about the Egyptian gods . I loved the book because it was full of adventure and action . The reason that I only give it 4 stars was because sometimes it talks in to much detail . The funniest part is when ( pretty often ) the brother and sister fight . It is told in past tense so they fight while they 're narrating . And that is what i think of The Serpent 's Shadow . Review by Reese " The Hardy Boys " is an awesome chapter book series that is FULL of mysteries , on after another . The main characters are 2 teens , Joe and Frank Hardy . You should read this book if you like mysteries . According to a Gallop poll , 92 % of Americans were aware of Nixon 's visit to Communist China in the 1970s . His visit broke a decades long silence of formal communications between the US and China . This cemented a new start in Sino - American relations and both gained a bargaining ship against a common enemy : the Soviet Union . Margaret MacMillian did not just describe and dissect Nixon 's trip ; instead , she explores the lives and background of the main characters : Nixon , Kissenger , Chou , and Mao . She also explains the large amount of background work that had to be conducted in secret in order to make the trip possible . Bear in mind , this is a serious historical read , however ; you will learn the intricacies and some funny anecdotes behind politics and diplomacy . Review by Jemmy , grade 12 As the person I am , I have read almost all of Meg Cabot 's books . This series is by far the best that I have read of hers . She actually make the person who is in the position of Hades seem normal and like someone who was actually a man . Someone who knows what it feels like to die , through that he shows more sympathy than in other characters I have seen who have played the role of Hades . I also loved how John has more background , something more interesting , than the normal stories about the lord of the dead . This book is a lot less confusing than the first book , which is good . Where the first book flips between past and present a lot , this book stays with Pierce the entire time . This book also explains a lot more in a lot more detail , mainly because the main character is not as clueless in this book than in the first one . Some of my favorite parts are when she sees the curtains fluttering . I like this because the curtains are white and seem symbolic in a place of death . It makes me think that there is innocence and purity in the Underworld . It also makes me think that Pierce is getting to start over , that the white curtains mean a clean slate for her . It is kind of like the pomegranate in the Underworld , everyone thinks it is one thing , when it actually means something else entirely . Some parts of the dialogue were a little weird for me . I don 't know why , but whenever someone puts something with and " Oh , " in front of a name it just sounds ridiculous . I loved this book . When I read the first one I couldn 't believe it was over . There had to be more to Rebecca 's story , and I was right . This book takes you back into the life of Rebecca Brown , a normal teenage girl who can see ghost , but not all ghost , just the ones that let Rebecca see them , or if you are holding a hand of a ghost . That is how Frank notices Rebecca ; he saw her with Lisette the year before when they walked to her house in the Treme . In this part of the Ruined series you can really see the characters flourish . There is Rebecca who shows that she is strong and confident ( most of the time . ) Anton who now shows that he only believed in ghost because of the curse on the Bowman family and believes that Lisette was the only ghost in New Orleans and tries to fight it off when Rebecca tells him otherwise . Ling , a ndw character , who is like a confidante for most of the book , but then she really shows her intelligence in the end . Then you have Toby , who you think is even more of a nut case than in the first book . The only bad thing about this book is that it is really confusing at the end . What happened to Delphine ? Why did she move on ? Was it because she saw that Frank was moving on ? Then the Epilogue was kind of confusing too . It kind of leaves you wondering what is happening here ? Does this mean that Paula Morris is thinking about writing a third book , making this into a large series , or just keeping it down at two ? This book was amazing , however it was too short . Throughout the entire book I felt like something more could be explained . Or what as explained could be elaborated more on . However , Josephine did an excellent job with what she wrote . Everything made moresense in this book than any of the others , ( which is what she wanted to do , I think . ) and was beautifully crafted so everyone ( well , almost everyone ) got their happy ending . Reading through this series it was exciting to see how each person changed and developed , even though some did not . Characters people didn 't like very much get some justice behind them and end themselves with very noble acts . The only true problem I had while reading this story was the epilogue . It felt way too long and that the author was trying to rap up a story that wasn 't completely closed . I feel that if she wanted to Josephine Angelini could write another novel that explains more of what ends up happening to everybody . Some parts I was okay with the wrap up ( Jerry and Kate ) and others I wasn 't ( Lucas 's situation ) . Younger generations on occasion associate history with school , and in the beginning of the summer that is the last thing anyone wants to think about . This story of the war , the living conditions , and the tensions of the years preceding 1812 until the years dating after the war , shows relations to the present . The relations are not in the difficulties , but more so in the language and thoughts of America 's founders . These similarities cause the formation of fantastic relationships . These relationships are between the reader and the historical figures , in this historical review . This author is successful his attempt to connect the present and the past . This adventure with Katie Kazoo is as wild as always . Her teacher Mrs . Derkman moves in next door . What a surprise . Once again the magic wind comes and turns her into Pepper . Pepper ( Katie ) does some crazy stuff and then when she turns back into herself she fixes everything . Pepper is my favorite character . Francine and Muffy have a bet that Francine can 't be nice for a whole week . Muffy bets her Princess Peach watch . Arthur and his friends push Francine to the limit but she holds back her temper . My favorite character is Muffy . Find out what happens to Francine as she tries to be nice for a whole week . This book is amazing ! It 's about 2 rabbits named Hazel and Fiver who try to leave their home warren . It really makes you think about how rabbits live in the wild and how similar and at the same time how different rabbits are to humans . Review by Johanna I loved Fairest because it was about things like love and hatred and there were a lot of details which helped me get an image of the story in my head , making the story better . My favorite character was Ijory because he was nice to everyone . I think someone who enjoyed magical things , like fairies , would like it . A girl named Amu Hinamori wants to be her true self . She ends up with 3 character guardians who help her . People that work for Easter steal her eggs and guardians ! She has to protect them and save the characters . I 'd say this was a pretty good book . If you enjoy modern adaptations of classic books or old fairy tales , I think you would enjoy this book . This book is really inventive , gorey , and definitely draws the reader in . Although the end was sort of anticlimactic , the whole rest of the book was really enthralling , though you still want to know what happens in the next 2 books . I would recommend this for maybe the younger teens and older kids . The book I choose to do this review on is " Middle School . " I choose this book because it comes from a great series . This book is about Georgea Khatchadorian who plans to do good in her middle school but along the way her brother fails and it brings her reputation of a " good student " down . My favorite character is Rafe , which is the brother who is failing in school . To me Bunheads was a fairly boring book . The main character , Hannah , struggles with the same conflict for 294 pages . Hannah dances for the Manhattan Ballet Company and struggles with the thought of dumping ballet . I feel like the book repeats itself too many times . Kudos to Moira for taking a bold step in writing . If you are a grammar fanatic , this is not the book for you . Unless you 're really southern . I found it hard to read though . Other than that it was a good story and I believe there is a sequel . Lemonade Mouth is an interesting , inspirational book giving a heartwarming ( and heart breaking ) story on how kids can change the world just by standing up for what is right using just simple actions . Lemonade Mouth gives the story of five different teens ' point of views . Each band member had different problems and backgrounds that all real kids can relate to , but they overcome their issues through music , and rebellion ! Review by Kelly , grade 7 I hated this book because it was boring and talked about princess and prince dating . My least favorite character was Princess Ben . Although she could magic , it was a boring story . I think people who love to read princess and magic , but I don 't like this book ! I love reading books by John Green and Looking for Alaska was especially interesting because of the recurring theme of a labyrinth of suffering and what our purpose here on Earth is . The characters were vivid and I enjoyed Miles ' habit of " collecting " last words from people . This book is a thought pondering adventure that was very entertaining to read . I would only recommend this book to mature teenagers due to certain elements not suitable for younger ages . But if you are mature and like a good book , any of John Green 's books are awesome to read ! I liked it because it was an interesting story . I had a book , and my favorite character was Emmett . I would think that this book would be for 14 + ages . I would think this book would be for fans of romantic , vampire books or movies . The Cathedrals 20 All Time Favorites This is a wonderful Southern Gospel cd . The Cathedrals were a wonderful group . My Favorite song on this cd is " I Can See the Hand " . I also like several other ones a lot . Others I like are " A Wonderful Time Up There " , " The Last Sunday " , " Echoes from the Burning Bush " , and " The Love of God " . This is a collection of songs from different recordings the group did and has several different members of the group on it . Of course it has George Younce and Glen Payne who were with the group the whole time . I Think this is a wonderful cd and is definitely worth listening to . Southern Gospel 's Top Twenty Songs of the Century I really liked this cd . It is really good and has many of the best Southern Gospel groups ever . My favorite songs are " I Never Shall Forget the Day " , " I Know " , " Jesus is Coming Soon " , " This Old House / When the Saints go Marching in " , and " Give the World a Smile " . There were not any that I really did not like although I did have favorites . If you really like Southern Gospel you will really like this cd . Even though I am thirteen and really like it most of the time this kind of music would be something more adults would like . I really liked this cd . Jake Hess was one of the best singers ever and this cd is a tribute to him put together by Bill Gaither with a bunch of recordings of him . My favorite song is \ " Up Above My Head \ " with him and George Younce singing . Most of these songs were from the Gaither Homecoming videos and some were really old videos of him . One funny one was where they were singing \ " The Fourth Man \ " with Jake Hess , Tim Lovelace , Rex Nelon , George Younce , and another guy . they did it several times to get it right . I think every body would like this if they tried it . This movie was one of the best ever made . IT is an older movie and is in black and white , and it is still one of the best . It is a really funny movie . My favorite character was Andy Griffith playing as Will Stockdale , but I also like his friend Ben and Sergeant King . It is a really good movie . I like it a lot . I think anybody would like it . I would definitely recommend watching it sometime . It is a movie worth watching . This was one of the best cd 's ever . It was done in 1995or1996 I 'm not exactly sure . IT was celebrating the Speer Family having been a group for seventy five years . The singers are Brock Speer , Faye Speer , Ben Speer , Mary Tom Speer Reid , and Rosa Nell Speer Powell . There were also a few other people which sang with them on certain songs . They were Eddy Bolton , Karen Apple , Harold Lane , Allison Durham Speer , Marc Speer , and few others . My favorite song is " I Want to be Ready to Meet Him " . I did not like " All Day Singin ' and Dinner on the Ground " . I thought that song sounded strange and not like Southern Gospel normally does . By the way the Speer Family was a Southern Gospel group so this cd of course has Southern Gospel music on it mainly and few other songs . One I like is " What a Day That Will Be " with Brock Speer singing one verse and Eddy Bolton singing another . My favorite singer on this disc and out of the group is Ben Speer . He normally sang the lead or tenor for the group . This is an old cd and Brock Speer has now passed away and the others are older now and are not singing as a group . I think it is wonderful to have this recording of them all singing . They also sang several songs that G . T . Speer , their father wrote . These include " I Want to be Ready to Meet Him " , " Some Glad Day " , " Sweeter Each Day " , " The Dearest Fried I Ever Had " , and " Heaven 's Jubilee " . I think the Speer Family was the best Southern Gospel Group ever . This would probably appeal to older adults because many younger people may not have even known of the group and if they are not Christians and don 't like Southern Gospel they would not like it either . I really like it though and I am only thirteen . I think if younger people were introduced to this kind of music they would like it as well as I do . It is wonderful music . I think this cd is definitely worth trying to find if you don 't have it , and it is a great cd to listen to . The Avengers was pretty much the best action movie of all time . There was great acting and the Hulk looked breathtakingly real ! With all of the Marvel heroes together , it 's like an argumentative family ! The Avengers is also packed with humor that makes your stomach hurt from so much laughter . Review by Jade , grade 7 I thought this was a great movie . It was really funny and my sister and I liked it so much that we watched it seven times within a span of about a month . It was really neat how they were all racing to get there and find the big W . It showed several cars driving really fast and racing down the roads . It also had a lot of funny people in this movie . I think m favorite character was Captain Culpepper . There were several really funny parts in it as well . A few were Phil Silvers as Otto Meyer driving his car down the stream into the river , the Crumps getting locked in the basement of the store and their attempts to get out ( which they finally did ) , and Captain Culpepper talking on the phone with his daughter Billy Sue and when he threw his hat out the window . One art that you probably should skip though is the part where Mrs . Marcus talks to Sylvester , her son , on the phone because he was with this girl and this girl was not wearing enough and they had not good music on in the background . Mrs . Marcus talks to him three times and two out of three you should skip . Sylvester himself is fine to watch later because he was a really funny character in the movie and is fine after that . This movie was done in the sixties so it is a pretty old movie , but it is great and is definitely worth finding and watching sometime . It would appeal more to older kids and adults . Younger kids would not understand the funny things in this movie and might find it not very interesting as I did when I was a lot younger . It has really funny stuff and not any of the bad or crude humor that you would find in lots of \ " funny \ " movies today . This was wonderful movie that everyone should see . I loved this movie because of the way they made it alive . It seemed so real . My favorite character was Pi Patel because of his amazing adventure . I would love to see what I would do in his situation . I think people who are from ages 12 and up would love this movie . I decided to do my review on " Rango " because it 's a very extravagant movie due to the fact that the animals talk ! In this movie there is a chameleon " Rango " who has to find his inner voice . In the beginning he gets dropped out of his car and is stranded in the desert . He becomes the sheriff of a small town which has a evil plotting major who has all of the water to build a new town . My favorite character was " Rango " which is the main character . Demi Lovato 's album , Demi , is a wonderful album featuring tracks that include pop , soul , and some mild form of " rapping . " Everybody might think of Demi as still a " Disney chick " but she 's managed to break out of that image in a great way . Demi has gone through some tough times and this album gives you a great perspective of that rough time . This album is a must buy ! The movie I 'm doing this review on is " Holes . " I decided to do a review on this movie because it 's one of my favorites . This movie is mainly about Stanley Yelnats gets sent away to a correctional camp for stealing shoes , that he was wrongly accused for . There family believes in this 100 year old curse that his great great grandfather put on them . In the end he finds a treasure chest that was meant for him all along , but throughout the whole movie they would look back into the past and tell the story of " kissing Kate Barlow . " Which was one of my favorite characters , my other favorite character was Theodore aka " Arm pit . " The movie I 'm doing this review on is " Zathura " . I choose Zathura because it is a good movie . Zathura is about two brothers who are left at home with their older sister . ( Which she doesn 't watch them well ) . The two brothers play a game called " Zathura " which comes to stop the bad things from happening they have to finish the game . My favorite character was the " Robot " . Even though they only showed him once he was funny . My least favorite character was the older brother , because he was mean and had a bad attitude . This movie is about teenagers at a Christian school . It is very religious so religious people would love it . They would relate best to Mandy Moore who plays the popular girl trying to save everyone . This movie is also for people who aren 't religious because it has , my favorite character , Cassandra : a Jewish bad girl . She falls in love with Mandy Moore 's crippled brother . This movie involves gayness , a teen pregnancy , and a love affair . I dislike the fact that the pregnant girl didn 't get an abortion , but everyone supported her even though I didn 't . This movie has a happy ending , so if you like those here you go .
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+ I liked it . It was very interesting & a nice twist on the dragon theme . Actually , dragons are NOT actually a huge part of the book , more of the presence & influence of them . A big part of the book was how men were the strong ones , and women were weak & they couldn 't do anything , and how Eon ( later Eona ) is changing peoples opinions about it . A critique is that I felt like the author looked at some subjects too much , and some too little . Favorite character : Lady Dela . Least favorite : Uygo . + I hate this book because it was boring . My least favorite character was Hal . I think people might enjoy this book if they like a boy who becomes a skandran warrior . I hate this book because it was boring . My least favorite character was Hal . I think people might enjoy this book if they like a boy who becomes a skandran warrior . Revision as of 15 : 12 , 16 August 2013 Ratings are on a scale of 1 to 5 , with 5 being the best . Newest reviews appear at the top of the list for each star rating . Contents I loved it because it was an awesome book . My favorite character was Max . She was a cool , loyal , deadly and funny character . I think anyone should read this book regardless of their age . It was worth reading and was filled with pace , action , mystery , and cools . This is a great book because it 's an action and adventure based story which is the kind of books I like to read . My favorite character is Alex Rider because he 's very smart in tight situations . People who are just like me who like action and adventure would like reading this book . If you want it in full detail then you should read the chapter book first . Review by Anfaz , grade 7 Point Blank is a great book because it has a bunch of action and adventure . My favorite character is Alex Rider because when it comes to scary and tight situations he always knows what to do . Teens who are just like who like action and adventure books would enjoy this book . Review by Anfaz , grade 7 I have always enjoyed Cassandra Clare 's books . They are books I would love to live in . Her novels are so well written that sometimes when I am reading them I forget where I am . This is her second series and it closely relates to her first series , the Mortal Instruments , except for the fact that it takes place in London in the 18th century . This is the first book in the series and there are two others : The Clockwork Prince and The Clockwork Princess . I highly recommend reading this book / series and reading more of Cassandra Clare , but make sure you get parental permission because she is a bit of an intimate writer at times , in both series . Words of Stone is an emotional book about Blaze and Joselle . Blaze and Joselle are in the summer after 5th grade . Blaze 's mother died when he was 5 . Joselle 's father left them before she was born . They meet and become friends . But Joselle hides everything and is cruel . Blaze 's dad has a new girlfriend . Everything is askew ! What happens ? Can you imagine living in a world where everyone - including you - believed love was a disease ? This is Lena 's world … until she meets Alex . Lena realizes that the government has been lying to everyone . Escaping before it 's too late sounds like a good idea now . Cinder , by Marissa Meyer , has a great twist on Cinderella , one of the oldest fairytales by the Grimm Brothers . Cinder is a robot who is the key to saving the lives of millions of people and bringing an evil kingdom down . In this story you learn everything is not as it seems . The Selection , by Kiera Cass , is one of the best books I 've read other than Catching Fire . Reading this book has your eyes and hands captivated to keep on reading . Turning the pages becomes automatic . There 's romance , suspense , and even some action ! The Selection has heartbreak but it has a great ending ! Read the next book , The Elite , too ! I love Babymouse because she daydreams about a topic she hears . She thinks she can do something but she can 't . My least favorite character is Felicia . She 's the popular one in school , and makes Babymouse look bad , but sometimes Babymouse can outwit Felicia . I would think Babymouse would be a good book for people that like comics . I LOVE this book ! It took me a while to get into it since I thought it was a " flat book " ( my term for not very funny books since I lean towards witty books ) at first , but I was proved wrong by the dry yet witty humor . I also thought it would be a zombie tale because of the back , but it wasn 't . It 's an epic survival tale of things that go bump in the night ! When I read this book , I stayed up all night until I finished it . I actually wrote a little fan fiction about Tris and Tobi ( aka Four ) . Anyways , you see Tris in the beginning as a girl from Abnegation . Abnegation is where you put others before yourself . And she really doesn 't like that lifestyle , but she doesn 't hate it either , so she sticks with it . So when choosing day arrives ( the day where you choose any other functions to live in , including you own . The others are Dauntless ( bravery ) , Amity ( peace ) , Candor ( honesty ) , and Erudite ( intelligence ) . ) , she chooses Dauntless because she feels oddly draw to it . So you follow this initiation process that is so hardcore , it leaves you breathless . Plus , some mystery and romance gives it a nice touch . A great read . Review by Jessica , grade 8 Divergent 's sequel left me wanting more ( Allegiant is coming out soon ! ) . This was another up all night read . This book goes deep into the Amity culture and reveals the plan that was that was so fishy in the first book , about how Euridite was releasing claims about how Marcus was treating his son , Tobias ( aka Four ) . What is that about ? How does that have to do with Tris ' mom ? One choice can destroy you . Review by Jessica , grade 8 OMG ! The Clique was a suspenseful , dramatic , realistic fiction about Massie , Kristen , Alicia , and Dylan . They have a " clique " , the most popular clique in school . Then Claire movies into Massie 's , the head of the clique 's , house . Her world is turned upside down ! THIS BOOK ROCKED ! ! ! The Duff brings up many self - esteem issues that go through the minds of teenage girls . I think my favorite character is Wesley , the playboy ! Though Bianca constantly disses him , he still is kind ; even with his own problems to deal with . Things like loneliness , a broken family , and parents who are never around . This is definitely a more mature teen book ( 14 + ) . Review by Taylor , grade 10 I loved this book because it is a great continuation of the 39 Clues series . My favorite character is Dan because he likes to solve puzzels . I think people who like the 39 Clues series would like this book ( 9 - 14 ) . I loved this book because of the interesting storyline and the series . My favorite character is Dan because he has a photographic memory . People who like the series would like this book . Ages ( 9 - 14 ) . I loved the CD very much ! The pop sound is very on point with what they say it is . I like it just as much or even more than the first CD called Up All Night . The best song in my opinion is I Would or She 's not afraid . One of my least favorites was Rock me it was more hardcore than the other songs but just a little bit less of a good song than the others . It 's definitely a bubble gum pop maybe a bit of rockish pop . I think teenage girls 11 - 17 would like this CD . I love it a lot and so do some of my friends my age . I loved this book because its plot was suspenseful . Also I liked the adventure and fighting . My least favorite character was Jeb because he was a mean mad scientist . My favorite character was Maximum Ride . She was leader of her group and trying to save the world . Also she is a bird mutant . I think people who love to read suspenseful , sci - fantasy or adventure books , should read this book . I couldn 't put this book down ! Bad Island is a great graphic novel because it shows a disagreeing family who takes an adventure and starts acting like a real family instead of enemies . My favorite character is Reese because he 's the athletic type who likes to be alone sometimes . This would be a good book for people who like action and adventure . I loved this book because of all the action . My favorite character is Jonah because basically he gets what he wants . I think people who like the 39 Clues series would like this book ( 9 - 14 ) . Ella Enchanted is one of my all time favorite books . My friend gave it to me and said that she had read her copy so many times the binding broke . I have already read it about ten times . This is a wonderful book for all ages about a girl who is cursed with obedience . And AMAZING story for sure ! Storm Thief is a very good book . It 's full of action and adventure . Also , some fantasy . My favorite character would probably be Rail because he is determined and loves adventure . I would recommend this book to anybody who likes the Ranger 's Apprentice series or just loves action and adventure . I really liked this book because it is showing really hard work . They trying really hard to earn money . You will have to read the rest to find out what happens between this brother and sister war ! I really liked this book ! It was full of adventure and a little bit of mystery . Doon and Lina are the main characters that go on an amazing and exciting adventure trying to escape the city because soon the city lights are going to go out forever ! This book is good if you like adventure . First of all , I liked this book because every page I read was full of suspense . It wasn 't a boring book . My favorite character was Lady America and my least favorite character was Prince Maxon . It 's a young adult book . If you like to read fantasy stories and romance stories you should read it . " All who accept this challenge to the 39 clues will receive a clue that might lead you to the most important treasure in the world and make you powerful beyond belief or it might kill you . " ( page 20 ) . I loved this book because of the great idea Rick Riordan had to make a quest for 39 clues . I loved the way he incorporated historical facts with a modern day quest . My favorite character was Dan Cahill because he has a photographic memory . I think it would be cool for you to just look at something and memorize it quickly . I think kids from ages 9 - 14 would like this book . The race continues to find the 39 clues that safeguard a great power , and 14 year old Amy Cahill and her younger 11 year old brother Dan are shocked to find themselves in the lead . I loved this book because the clues revolve around a different historical figure this time it was Mozart . I enjoyed learning about Mozart 's life , and visiting museums and famous cities where Mozart preformed . My favorite character was Dan because he likes anagrams and puzzles just like me . I think people who liked the Maze of Bones would like this book . The Sword Thief was another good clue hunt . I was surprised that Amy & Dan teamed up with Uncle Allistair and then added Ian & Natalie to find the 3rd clue . I liked this book because of the way it was written . I just couldn 't put the book down . My favorite character was Dan because he loves math and is good at it just like me . People who liked book # 1 and # 2 would love this book . I loved this book because I could never put it down . I read it everyday . My favorite character was Amy because she can see the big picture . I think people who like the rest of the series and kids in middle school would like this book . I LOVED this book because of it 's inspiring story . though it isn 't action packed I think it 's a page turner . The story was about love , friendships , trust and hope during an immense change in a girl 's life . OF all the books I 've read in all eleven years of my life Paint the Wind is my favorite . Review by Mekenzie , grade 5 First of all , I loved this book because I wondered what happened to Alianne . My favorite character was Alianne because she was a brave spymaster . My least favorite character was Sarai because she was beauty but annoying character . I think people who are interested with fantasy , violence , and monarchy should read this book . Review by Lynn , grade 11 The Selection by Kiera Cass I loved it because the last time I read book 2 , I adored it . However , I didn 't know there was book 1 , so I read it . My favorite character is Lady America because she was a nice and shy lady . My least favorite character is Prince Mason . I didn 't like his personality and his background . I think people who like reading fantasy and young adult books . Also people should read it because every page I read was filled with suspense . Review by Lynn , grade 11 Some of my friends had me get this from the library , they talked about it so much that I just had to check it out . And I am so happy that I did . Cass had me hooked from the very first paragraph . I stayed up until midnight reading this and as soon as I finished it I bought the second one on my nook . THE SELECTION is a beautiful written book that I am going to read over and over again until I get so sick of it I put it in a box and put it in my closet until I go to college . The thing I loved most about this book was hearing about all of the outfits the Selected got to wear to all of the events . It made me wish I liked there even though they have a caste system worst ( and in some ways better ) than the one they used to have in India . In this novel all of the gowns that the young ladies wore were hand sewn by each of the Selected personal maids . If someone asked who my favorite character was I would have to say America because she is so independent and so opinionated . I feel that is the way all women should be , well most anyway . I like how she talks the Prince Maxon sometimes , she treats him as an equal not like a One ( the highest caste . ) You see more of this personality in the second book , which I loved . The thrilling squeal to Wither , main character Rhine continues on her journey to find her brother and reach her home back in Manhattan . Rhine and her friend / lover Gabriel trek up the East Coast of a futuristic America . But while they get closer and closer to their goal , Rhine gets more and more sick . Dangerously high fevers and ultra severe flu symptoms show up but there is no cure until . . . one day , her old enemy shows up on her doorstep when she is at her weakest point ! What happens to Rhine ? Does she find her brother ? Read this fast paced adventure to discover her journey . Cactus aka Yamada - San asked out Fujioka - Kun , but was rejected . Then a snobby rich prep student comes in and makes a scene ! Fujioka - Kun is not happy . Yamada - San bumps into an old friend of Fujioka - Kun 's . Things get crazy ! The rich boy fed up with Fujioka - Kun . He makes a plan to get Fujioka - Kun expelled , and it works . Yamada - San pleads for the rich boy to let Fujioka - Kun back in school ! So , to prove the rich boy 's love , he let 's him back ! But who knows what they will do ! ? I love this series ! It 's 1 of my favorite series and this book was 1 of my favorite book in the series . I like how Harry found this connection to Voldemort even though it lead to Someone 's death . I also like the connection because it shows he 's actually 1 of the few people who can defeat him . My favorite character was Harry mainly because he 's the person the series is about . I LOVE HARRY POTTER ! ! ! Review by Lipi , grade 7 If you 're reading this it 's too late is an exciting book written by Pseudonymous Bosch . It 's a thrilling novel mixed with humor and suspense . My favorite character is the Homurculus . It is a small creature that is grumpy and has a humorous but bad attitude . My least favorite character is Mr . L . He is a evil man determined to have a young life forever . He goes to extrmeme ways . People in middle and elementary school will enjoy this book . Especially people who enjoy thrills . Out of My Mind is a wonderful book for all ages . The main character , Melody , is disabled and I love stories that show people doing something unthinkable . My favorite character was Melody because of her personality , and my least favorite characters were Rose and Claire . Rose seemed nice , but then let Melody down , and Claire was just plain mean all the time . I think that this is an excellent book and that everyone should read it . Project Sweet Life is an amazing book because it 's so interesting how these 15 year old boys will do anything to make easy money without getting a summer job . My favorite character is Dave because towards the end of the book he uses his brains in a smart way to solve the mystery . I recommend this book to teens who are willing to make money without having a summer job . I liked Ben Hur because of the journey of Ben Hur had . He was a prince and their paddling boats in Roman ships and then being a chariot race winner . My favorite character was Ben Hur because he is smart and determined . I think people who are 12 and up . I loved this book because of the suspense and action . My favorite character was Dan because he proves if you try your hardest you can achieve . I think people who like the first 4 books will like the book . Also , people from ages 9 - 14 would like this book . I loved this book because of the creative writing by Jude Watson . My favorite character was Dan because of his creative and imaginative thinking . I think people who like the first 5 books will like this book . Also , people from ages 9 - 14 would love this book . I loved this book because every page I read , there was danger . My favorite character was Maximum ( Max ) Ride . She was a great leader and she was bird mutant . My least favorite character was Ari . He was mean bully and he is Eraser . I think people who like mutants or fantasy should read this book . I loved this book . I thought it was very interesting & I couldn 't put it down . I loved how Anne Frank wrote . She seemed to be absolutely truthful in her journal , and I liked that . I could really relate to her , as I think many can . I laughed out loud at parts and was devastated when I read the end note , even though I already knew that the members of the Secret Annex met unfortunate ends , including Anne . Afterwards , I was slightly overwhelmed by thinking about all the individual lives that were cut short in WWII . I only had one dislike of the book : that her dad edited it ! Who would want their dad editing & reading their journal ? But all in all , this book was amazing & one of the best I 've read ! Inkheart is a wonderful , exciting story . I loved it because characters got to come out of the books . There is also a movie which is really cool to watch . My favorite character is Meggie because she read Tinkerbell out of the book and because she shared her father 's gift . I think all ages could enjoy it except for really small kids . I love this book because it was from a teenage 's perspective . My favorite character was Ruby . I think this book is for people who are 12 - 17 or are just big fans ( like me ) of Sarah Dessen . A little boy named Willy is going to race in a dogsled race , because his grandfather is very sick . While his grandfather is sick a tax collector comes bye and Willy 's grandfather is sick , he doesn 't have the money . So the tax collector has to take the house , but there is a lot of people racing in the race , and one of them is Stone Fox . He has never lost a race . This is a series of twelve books that I am reading . I love these books becuase they are filled with action , worry , and suspence . Callum Ormond is my favorite character . He is a hunted fugitive and is now on the run . Callum is only 15 years old and he has to survive 365 days . I think that people who like action book would like this . Ages 10 to 15 would probly like it . I love this book because it had a lot of action in it . I had a lot of favorite characters . This book is filled with action , humor , and mystery . This book is for kids who like action and humor . I loved this book and so will you . Their are 4 books in this series so read them all . I love this book because it is about a bunch of friends putting something together . My favorite character is Kate because she never gives up and you can tell she is kindhearted and determined . She didn 't stop trying to earn money for her dad 's b - day present . This is a great book for kids that are thinking about having a lemonade stand . A World Away is about a 16 - year old named Eliza , who has been Amish all her life . She has never tried on a pair of jeans , never made a phone call , or watched TV . She is asked for a nanny job for two kids , and excited accepts . She learns the good , bad , and the ugly of learning of love , life , and lessons of the non - Amish world . She learns that most of the time , the life your blessed with is the life your meant to belong to , even if it doesn 't seem that way . This was a phenomenal book ! I liked this book because it made you think about what is going to happen next . My favorite character is Meg . I like Meg because you can tell she is adventerous and likes taking risks . I think kids from 4th grade to 7th grade would like this adventerous tale . I liked how the author made the setting feel like the future and it could happen . I felt like every chapter Lena was changing and starting to realize love is good and it is something to celebrate . I liked how the ending was put together . I feel like this was a fast paced book that left me wanting more at the end . I thought it was a great book . review by Megan , grade 9 I like it because it was kinda like me . My favorite character is Nikki J . Maxwell . Recommend to 10 , 11 , 12 , and 13 year olds . I felt that Beautiful Creatures had a great story line . I liked that they placed it in the real world . It made it feel like it could happen . I liked how they made the connection with Lena and Ethan . It made it feel magical . All around it was a great book that most people would like to read . Review by Megan , grade 9 It 's very captivating with major romance and mystery . A simpleton guy from a small town finds out that this new summer time city isn 't all its cracked up to be . There are real vampires and some aren 't as friendly as they seem . It is truly a must read for the summer . Review by Robin This book is easy to read and keeps you wanting to know more . Personally , I loved Gus , he was sweet and hilarious . This book is perfect for anyone in middle school or up ! Review by Amanda The book I 'm doing my review on is " Matilda . " I picked Matilda because it 's one of my favorite books . I also enjoyed the movie . Matilda is about a little girl growing up on her own in a family she doesn 't belong . She discovers that she has magical powers . In the end she was adopted by her teacher which she loved , and they lived happily ever after . Curing disease seems to be the new big thing around books these days , yet out of all of them this just might be my favorite . First starting it I thought it was as boring as all heck and put it down , but like anything you can 't start something and not finish it so , I did and absolutely loved it . I highly highly recommend it and if you have the same trouble as me , push through it : I promise it gets better , way better . The characters are really interesting , but I think it is the plot that is the most intriguing . I would recommend this for the young adults age group ( teens ) . Clearly with a rating of five , I enjoyed this book . It was a play off of the original story " Cinderella , " a story that I basically hated as a kid because the main heroine was pathetic and never stood up for herself . The tomboy Cinder is the exact opposite , someone people can actually relate to and an all around likeable character . Cinder was very much original because it didn 't take the exact same story / plotline and rewrite it as a modern story , but took the basic skeleton of the story and added tons of new components making it a new story . It might have been pretty predictable throughout , but overall was really good , so I 'm excited for the next 3 books ! This book was outstanding ! Yes , it was and is most definitely meant for an older audience ( teens and such ) but half of the obscenities are what make this book so great . I 'm sure a lot of teens can relate to what went on in this book . It was hilarious , thought provoking , heart wrenching , and just about every other emotion there is all at the same time . I myself did not enjoy the back cover 's description . I don 't think it made for an intriguing sort of " explanation " , but ignore the back . I did and LOVED this book . So obviously I recommend this book , along with his other books which are also really good . This review is on " Witness " . I chose this book because it is a good / sad book . This book is about a lot of different things but it 's basicly about a Klu Klux Klan group in a small town in Vermont . This book is very racist but it ends up being good in the end . My favorite character was Esther Hirsh a 6 year old girl from New York . Review by Mariah , Grade 9 My book review is on " The BFG . " Also known as " The Big Friendly Giant . " This is a very popular children 's story . I read it for the first time when I was in 2nd grade . This book is mainly about a little girl named Sophie who lived in an orphanage , and one night she was awake and was kidnapped by a friendly giant and taken to giant land where many giants lived . In the end the giant was able to come live with everyone and treated normal . My favorite character was Sophie because she was intelligent . I really liked this book . With many twists and turns it made for suspenseful and exiting reading . I was so happy with it I ended up reading the whole 11 - book series in about a month ! This book was really great . I had seen it on shelves for quite some time and it wasn 't until a while that I picked it up and really saw its … awesomeness . Although I must say it got a little confusing eventually . Bloomability is about a girl who 's family moves a lot - ever 6 months to a new place . Soon she is sent to Switzerland , which she hates , and learns how to speak Italian , Spanish , Japaneze , and French at an American School . She soon makes close friends w / some of her peers and goes on a skiing trip w / them . Two of them are burried in an avalanche , and I won 't tell you if they survive . She soon loves this school and can not bear to leave her friends ( some who are not coming back next year ) and their is no guarantee she will . She soon learns the value of friendship and that no one will ever forget her . Responsible Rosalind , future astrophysicist Skye , Jane the author , and shy batty along with their father are on their way to the summer of their lives at Arundel , home of Jeffrey and the despicable Mrs . Tifton . There will be love . There will be brownies . There will be butterfly wings , bunnies , and bulls . There will be heartbreak , writing , and piano . And , there will be Algebra and roses . Sweet Venom is a wonderful book . It is a fun , exciting take on Greek mythology . I really like the author 's style of writing , she uses descriptive language to create the atmosphere and setting . This book is about three girls who discover that they are long lost triplets , and also descendants of Medusa . They have to keep the mortal world safe from monsters who come out of an abyss to feed on the humans life force . Gradually the wall that separates the mortal word from the abyss starts to break and more and more monsters start to escape the abyss and come into the mortal world . I liked it . It was very interesting & a nice twist on the dragon theme . Actually , dragons are NOT actually a huge part of the book , more of the presence & influence of them . A big part of the book was how men were the strong ones , and women were weak & they couldn 't do anything , and how Eon ( later Eona ) is changing peoples opinions about it . A critique is that I felt like the author looked at some subjects too much , and some too little . Favorite character : Lady Dela . Least favorite : Uygo . Review by Natalie , grade 8 I hate this book because it was boring . My least favorite character was Hal . I think people might enjoy this book if they like a boy who becomes a skandran warrior . Review by Lynn , grade 11 First I felt this book was boring but the more pages I read , it made me read the book . My favorite character was Han . Someone gave him an amulet that could be dangerous to destroy all the kingdoms . I would say that anyone should read it because it was interesting , but I thought this book was okay and wasn 't so boring like the rest of the books . Review by Lynn , grade 11 I thought it was great ! At first I was skeptical of it having polygamy in it , since that 's not really my thing , but it turned out well . Rhine 's choices throughout the book are what gripped me . I don 't want to spoil anything , but I can definitely tell something is going is going to happen with her father - in - law . I can 't wait to read the next book . Have you ever wondered what it 's like to live the life of a glamorous 12 year old ? Well now you can know . Massie Block is a ridiculously rich 12 year old who owns designer bags and clothes . Massie is very content with her " clique " until Claire moves in . Will Massie be able to accept a new girl in her group ? This book has what my local librarian calls " right of passage . " You have to get through the first part before the book becomes any good . That is what happened with this book . However once I got past the slow part I loved it . The characters were extremely dark and I loved that . There are not many books that has many dark character that are fighting for good . Other than this there are not many things to report back . It was a good book , but any mistakes that really jumped out at me . Review by Paige , grade 10 There were some parts in the book that the dialogue was not the best in the world . There were a ton of times that the author made the characters say , " Oh , blah blah blah . " I do not know about you , but that makes me think that the character is sighing or having an epiphany . I did like the depth of the characters , and the range of them . Polly Shulman has a three year old as a hero in this novel , I think that just comes to show that she thinks that anyone can be a hero , no matter what their size . Another character that you would not suspect to be a hero , Jaya , a ten year old girl . She figures out things that the teens in the novel would never figure out . Review by Paige , grade 10 I think the book is very fast paced . Even when they were in the peaceful country Alex still got shot at by a bunch of spoiled stuck up boys . The action never stopped from the beginning to the end . I loved it because it was a book based on comparison between boys & dogs and girls & cats . My favorite character was Yumi , Annabelle 's friend because of how much she loved animals . A sixth grader who was new at school and wanted to be able to blend in . I liked this book because it was funny . The outfit designs were pretty . You can tell that Annie has a big imagination . In this book you 'll see a blast of fun and style ! Terrier is the first book I 've read by Tamora Pierce , who people have been recommending to me for a long time , so perhaps I went into it with my expectations a little too high . Or maybe reading murder mystery books geared for adults has ruined me for reading Young Adult murder mysteries . Or it could have been that my dubious talent for spotting the hidden bad guys of a story kicked in , but by the 300th page , I knew what the ending was going to be . I knew who shadowed ( geddit ? ) antagonist was . So for me , it was a bit of a drag reading the last 200 odd pages in the book , only to have everything I 'd already known confirmed in the last five pages . Of course , as I said , my realizing the whole ending could just be one of my talents for guessing plot lines , so don 't let that turn you off of the book . I also wasn 't a fan of the first couple pages , but that 's a matter of personal style preference , so I 'll let you draw your own opinions . Now that I 've gone over what I didn 't like , I start with what I did , The heroine , Rebakah , was strong , with a large supporting cast who helped her along , but it didn 't feel like they were constantly having to rescue her out of everything . She was clever , if slightly naive , but that fades as the book progresses . Tamora Pierce certainly knows what she 's doing in creating a tough girl . The world was very interesting , and I enjoyed learning more about the Dogs , the peacekeepers of the land . They do use slightly different language , so that can take a little while to get used to , but if you 're really stuck on a word , try the glossary in the back . There 's also a character index and a list of terms it can be good to be familiar with as you learn about their world . I 'm not sure that I had a favorite character , but I was fond of Rosto , the roughish character who sweeps in a few chapters in , and Beka 's two Dogs , Turnstall and Goodwin , who are charged with training her from a training puppy into a full - fledged Dog . I would recommend this book to tweens or younger teens with a taste for resourceful , stroReview by Thea I think this book is interesting because it 's about 3 fifteen year old boys who are told to find summer jobs but they will do anything to have freedom for their last summer before they enter the working world . My favorite character would be Curtis because he acts like a leader . This book is perfect for the teens who are trying to get out of there summer jobs . First of all I liked this book because I liked how the wolves find the new land . My favorite character was Gwyneth because she was a brave owl and I love Guardian of Ga ' Hoole series . My least favorite character was Edme . She was an annoying wolf . I think people who like wolves . Rhine Ellery lives in a futuristic society where women die at 20 and men die at 25 years of age . There are some who are researching the possibility of an antidote but few live long enough to make progress . Rhine is a strong - willed 16 year old who is kidnapped and introduced to a new wealthy lifestyle , but what she discovers is so horrible she knows she has to escape somehow . And housemaster Vaughn is watching around every corner . Is Rhine able to escape ? Is she able to find an antidote to the disease that is wiping out the human race ? Check out Wither today ! The Serpent 's Shadow by Rick Riordan is about two kids ages 14 and 12 who are magicians . It 's about the Egyptian gods . I loved the book because it was full of adventure and action . The reason that I only give it 4 stars was because sometimes it talks in to much detail . The funniest part is when ( pretty often ) the brother and sister fight . It is told in past tense so they fight while they 're narrating . And that is what i think of The Serpent 's Shadow . Review by Reese " The Hardy Boys " is an awesome chapter book series that is FULL of mysteries , on after another . The main characters are 2 teens , Joe and Frank Hardy . You should read this book if you like mysteries . According to a Gallop poll , 92 % of Americans were aware of Nixon 's visit to Communist China in the 1970s . His visit broke a decades long silence of formal communications between the US and China . This cemented a new start in Sino - American relations and both gained a bargaining ship against a common enemy : the Soviet Union . Margaret MacMillian did not just describe and dissect Nixon 's trip ; instead , she explores the lives and background of the main characters : Nixon , Kissenger , Chou , and Mao . She also explains the large amount of background work that had to be conducted in secret in order to make the trip possible . Bear in mind , this is a serious historical read , however ; you will learn the intricacies and some funny anecdotes behind politics and diplomacy . Review by Jemmy , grade 12 As the person I am , I have read almost all of Meg Cabot 's books . This series is by far the best that I have read of hers . She actually make the person who is in the position of Hades seem normal and like someone who was actually a man . Someone who knows what it feels like to die , through that he shows more sympathy than in other characters I have seen who have played the role of Hades . I also loved how John has more background , something more interesting , than the normal stories about the lord of the dead . This book is a lot less confusing than the first book , which is good . Where the first book flips between past and present a lot , this book stays with Pierce the entire time . This book also explains a lot more in a lot more detail , mainly because the main character is not as clueless in this book than in the first one . Some of my favorite parts are when she sees the curtains fluttering . I like this because the curtains are white and seem symbolic in a place of death . It makes me think that there is innocence and purity in the Underworld . It also makes me think that Pierce is getting to start over , that the white curtains mean a clean slate for her . It is kind of like the pomegranate in the Underworld , everyone thinks it is one thing , when it actually means something else entirely . Some parts of the dialogue were a little weird for me . I don 't know why , but whenever someone puts something with and " Oh , " in front of a name it just sounds ridiculous . I loved this book . When I read the first one I couldn 't believe it was over . There had to be more to Rebecca 's story , and I was right . This book takes you back into the life of Rebecca Brown , a normal teenage girl who can see ghost , but not all ghost , just the ones that let Rebecca see them , or if you are holding a hand of a ghost . That is how Frank notices Rebecca ; he saw her with Lisette the year before when they walked to her house in the Treme . In this part of the Ruined series you can really see the characters flourish . There is Rebecca who shows that she is strong and confident ( most of the time . ) Anton who now shows that he only believed in ghost because of the curse on the Bowman family and believes that Lisette was the only ghost in New Orleans and tries to fight it off when Rebecca tells him otherwise . Ling , a ndw character , who is like a confidante for most of the book , but then she really shows her intelligence in the end . Then you have Toby , who you think is even more of a nut case than in the first book . The only bad thing about this book is that it is really confusing at the end . What happened to Delphine ? Why did she move on ? Was it because she saw that Frank was moving on ? Then the Epilogue was kind of confusing too . It kind of leaves you wondering what is happening here ? Does this mean that Paula Morris is thinking about writing a third book , making this into a large series , or just keeping it down at two ? This book was amazing , however it was too short . Throughout the entire book I felt like something more could be explained . Or what as explained could be elaborated more on . However , Josephine did an excellent job with what she wrote . Everything made moresense in this book than any of the others , ( which is what she wanted to do , I think . ) and was beautifully crafted so everyone ( well , almost everyone ) got their happy ending . Reading through this series it was exciting to see how each person changed and developed , even though some did not . Characters people didn 't like very much get some justice behind them and end themselves with very noble acts . The only true problem I had while reading this story was the epilogue . It felt way too long and that the author was trying to rap up a story that wasn 't completely closed . I feel that if she wanted to Josephine Angelini could write another novel that explains more of what ends up happening to everybody . Some parts I was okay with the wrap up ( Jerry and Kate ) and others I wasn 't ( Lucas 's situation ) . Younger generations on occasion associate history with school , and in the beginning of the summer that is the last thing anyone wants to think about . This story of the war , the living conditions , and the tensions of the years preceding 1812 until the years dating after the war , shows relations to the present . The relations are not in the difficulties , but more so in the language and thoughts of America 's founders . These similarities cause the formation of fantastic relationships . These relationships are between the reader and the historical figures , in this historical review . This author is successful his attempt to connect the present and the past . This adventure with Katie Kazoo is as wild as always . Her teacher Mrs . Derkman moves in next door . What a surprise . Once again the magic wind comes and turns her into Pepper . Pepper ( Katie ) does some crazy stuff and then when she turns back into herself she fixes everything . Pepper is my favorite character . Francine and Muffy have a bet that Francine can 't be nice for a whole week . Muffy bets her Princess Peach watch . Arthur and his friends push Francine to the limit but she holds back her temper . My favorite character is Muffy . Find out what happens to Francine as she tries to be nice for a whole week . This book is amazing ! It 's about 2 rabbits named Hazel and Fiver who try to leave their home warren . It really makes you think about how rabbits live in the wild and how similar and at the same time how different rabbits are to humans . Review by Johanna I loved Fairest because it was about things like love and hatred and there were a lot of details which helped me get an image of the story in my head , making the story better . My favorite character was Ijory because he was nice to everyone . I think someone who enjoyed magical things , like fairies , would like it . A girl named Amu Hinamori wants to be her true self . She ends up with 3 character guardians who help her . People that work for Easter steal her eggs and guardians ! She has to protect them and save the characters . I 'd say this was a pretty good book . If you enjoy modern adaptations of classic books or old fairy tales , I think you would enjoy this book . This book is really inventive , gorey , and definitely draws the reader in . Although the end was sort of anticlimactic , the whole rest of the book was really enthralling , though you still want to know what happens in the next 2 books . I would recommend this for maybe the younger teens and older kids . The book I choose to do this review on is " Middle School . " I choose this book because it comes from a great series . This book is about Georgea Khatchadorian who plans to do good in her middle school but along the way her brother fails and it brings her reputation of a " good student " down . My favorite character is Rafe , which is the brother who is failing in school . To me Bunheads was a fairly boring book . The main character , Hannah , struggles with the same conflict for 294 pages . Hannah dances for the Manhattan Ballet Company and struggles with the thought of dumping ballet . I feel like the book repeats itself too many times . Kudos to Moira for taking a bold step in writing . If you are a grammar fanatic , this is not the book for you . Unless you 're really southern . I found it hard to read though . Other than that it was a good story and I believe there is a sequel . Lemonade Mouth is an interesting , inspirational book giving a heartwarming ( and heart breaking ) story on how kids can change the world just by standing up for what is right using just simple actions . Lemonade Mouth gives the story of five different teens ' point of views . Each band member had different problems and backgrounds that all real kids can relate to , but they overcome their issues through music , and rebellion ! Review by Kelly , grade 7 I hated this book because it was boring and talked about princess and prince dating . My least favorite character was Princess Ben . Although she could magic , it was a boring story . I think people who love to read princess and magic , but I don 't like this book ! I love reading books by John Green and Looking for Alaska was especially interesting because of the recurring theme of a labyrinth of suffering and what our purpose here on Earth is . The characters were vivid and I enjoyed Miles ' habit of " collecting " last words from people . This book is a thought pondering adventure that was very entertaining to read . I would only recommend this book to mature teenagers due to certain elements not suitable for younger ages . But if you are mature and like a good book , any of John Green 's books are awesome to read ! I liked it because it was an interesting story . I had a book , and my favorite character was Emmett . I would think that this book would be for 14 + ages . I would think this book would be for fans of romantic , vampire books or movies . The Cathedrals 20 All Time Favorites This is a wonderful Southern Gospel cd . The Cathedrals were a wonderful group . My Favorite song on this cd is " I Can See the Hand " . I also like several other ones a lot . Others I like are " A Wonderful Time Up There " , " The Last Sunday " , " Echoes from the Burning Bush " , and " The Love of God " . This is a collection of songs from different recordings the group did and has several different members of the group on it . Of course it has George Younce and Glen Payne who were with the group the whole time . I Think this is a wonderful cd and is definitely worth listening to . Southern Gospel 's Top Twenty Songs of the Century I really liked this cd . It is really good and has many of the best Southern Gospel groups ever . My favorite songs are " I Never Shall Forget the Day " , " I Know " , " Jesus is Coming Soon " , " This Old House / When the Saints go Marching in " , and " Give the World a Smile " . There were not any that I really did not like although I did have favorites . If you really like Southern Gospel you will really like this cd . Even though I am thirteen and really like it most of the time this kind of music would be something more adults would like . I really liked this cd . Jake Hess was one of the best singers ever and this cd is a tribute to him put together by Bill Gaither with a bunch of recordings of him . My favorite song is \ " Up Above My Head \ " with him and George Younce singing . Most of these songs were from the Gaither Homecoming videos and some were really old videos of him . One funny one was where they were singing \ " The Fourth Man \ " with Jake Hess , Tim Lovelace , Rex Nelon , George Younce , and another guy . they did it several times to get it right . I think every body would like this if they tried it . This movie was one of the best ever made . IT is an older movie and is in black and white , and it is still one of the best . It is a really funny movie . My favorite character was Andy Griffith playing as Will Stockdale , but I also like his friend Ben and Sergeant King . It is a really good movie . I like it a lot . I think anybody would like it . I would definitely recommend watching it sometime . It is a movie worth watching . This was one of the best cd 's ever . It was done in 1995or1996 I 'm not exactly sure . IT was celebrating the Speer Family having been a group for seventy five years . The singers are Brock Speer , Faye Speer , Ben Speer , Mary Tom Speer Reid , and Rosa Nell Speer Powell . There were also a few other people which sang with them on certain songs . They were Eddy Bolton , Karen Apple , Harold Lane , Allison Durham Speer , Marc Speer , and few others . My favorite song is " I Want to be Ready to Meet Him " . I did not like " All Day Singin ' and Dinner on the Ground " . I thought that song sounded strange and not like Southern Gospel normally does . By the way the Speer Family was a Southern Gospel group so this cd of course has Southern Gospel music on it mainly and few other songs . One I like is " What a Day That Will Be " with Brock Speer singing one verse and Eddy Bolton singing another . My favorite singer on this disc and out of the group is Ben Speer . He normally sang the lead or tenor for the group . This is an old cd and Brock Speer has now passed away and the others are older now and are not singing as a group . I think it is wonderful to have this recording of them all singing . They also sang several songs that G . T . Speer , their father wrote . These include " I Want to be Ready to Meet Him " , " Some Glad Day " , " Sweeter Each Day " , " The Dearest Fried I Ever Had " , and " Heaven 's Jubilee " . I think the Speer Family was the best Southern Gospel Group ever . This would probably appeal to older adults because many younger people may not have even known of the group and if they are not Christians and don 't like Southern Gospel they would not like it either . I really like it though and I am only thirteen . I think if younger people were introduced to this kind of music they would like it as well as I do . It is wonderful music . I think this cd is definitely worth trying to find if you don 't have it , and it is a great cd to listen to . The Avengers was pretty much the best action movie of all time . There was great acting and the Hulk looked breathtakingly real ! With all of the Marvel heroes together , it 's like an argumentative family ! The Avengers is also packed with humor that makes your stomach hurt from so much laughter . Review by Jade , grade 7 I thought this was a great movie . It was really funny and my sister and I liked it so much that we watched it seven times within a span of about a month . It was really neat how they were all racing to get there and find the big W . It showed several cars driving really fast and racing down the roads . It also had a lot of funny people in this movie . I think m favorite character was Captain Culpepper . There were several really funny parts in it as well . A few were Phil Silvers as Otto Meyer driving his car down the stream into the river , the Crumps getting locked in the basement of the store and their attempts to get out ( which they finally did ) , and Captain Culpepper talking on the phone with his daughter Billy Sue and when he threw his hat out the window . One art that you probably should skip though is the part where Mrs . Marcus talks to Sylvester , her son , on the phone because he was with this girl and this girl was not wearing enough and they had not good music on in the background . Mrs . Marcus talks to him three times and two out of three you should skip . Sylvester himself is fine to watch later because he was a really funny character in the movie and is fine after that . This movie was done in the sixties so it is a pretty old movie , but it is great and is definitely worth finding and watching sometime . It would appeal more to older kids and adults . Younger kids would not understand the funny things in this movie and might find it not very interesting as I did when I was a lot younger . It has really funny stuff and not any of the bad or crude humor that you would find in lots of \ " funny \ " movies today . This was wonderful movie that everyone should see . I loved this movie because of the way they made it alive . It seemed so real . My favorite character was Pi Patel because of his amazing adventure . I would love to see what I would do in his situation . I think people who are from ages 12 and up would love this movie . I decided to do my review on " Rango " because it 's a very extravagant movie due to the fact that the animals talk ! In this movie there is a chameleon " Rango " who has to find his inner voice . In the beginning he gets dropped out of his car and is stranded in the desert . He becomes the sheriff of a small town which has a evil plotting major who has all of the water to build a new town . My favorite character was " Rango " which is the main character . Demi Lovato 's album , Demi , is a wonderful album featuring tracks that include pop , soul , and some mild form of " rapping . " Everybody might think of Demi as still a " Disney chick " but she 's managed to break out of that image in a great way . Demi has gone through some tough times and this album gives you a great perspective of that rough time . This album is a must buy ! The movie I 'm doing this review on is " Holes . " I decided to do a review on this movie because it 's one of my favorites . This movie is mainly about Stanley Yelnats gets sent away to a correctional camp for stealing shoes , that he was wrongly accused for . There family believes in this 100 year old curse that his great great grandfather put on them . In the end he finds a treasure chest that was meant for him all along , but throughout the whole movie they would look back into the past and tell the story of " kissing Kate Barlow . " Which was one of my favorite characters , my other favorite character was Theodore aka " Arm pit . " The movie I 'm doing this review on is " Zathura " . I choose Zathura because it is a good movie . Zathura is about two brothers who are left at home with their older sister . ( Which she doesn 't watch them well ) . The two brothers play a game called " Zathura " which comes to stop the bad things from happening they have to finish the game . My favorite character was the " Robot " . Even though they only showed him once he was funny . My least favorite character was the older brother , because he was mean and had a bad attitude . This movie is about teenagers at a Christian school . It is very religious so religious people would love it . They would relate best to Mandy Moore who plays the popular girl trying to save everyone . This movie is also for people who aren 't religious because it has , my favorite character , Cassandra : a Jewish bad girl . She falls in love with Mandy Moore 's crippled brother . This movie involves gayness , a teen pregnancy , and a love affair . I dislike the fact that the pregnant girl didn 't get an abortion , but everyone supported her even though I didn 't . This movie has a happy ending , so if you like those here you go .
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+ I liked it . It was very interesting & a nice twist on the dragon theme . Actually , dragons are NOT actually a huge part of the book , more of the presence & influence of them . A big part of the book was how men were the strong ones , and women were weak & they couldn 't do anything , and how Eon ( later Eona ) is changing peoples opinions about it . A critique is that I felt like the author looked at some subjects too much , and some too little . Favorite character : Lady Dela . Least favorite : Uygo . + I hate this book because it was boring . My least favorite character was Hal . I think people might enjoy this book if they like a boy who becomes a skandran warrior . I hate this book because it was boring . My least favorite character was Hal . I think people might enjoy this book if they like a boy who becomes a skandran warrior . Revision as of 15 : 12 , 16 August 2013 Ratings are on a scale of 1 to 5 , with 5 being the best . Newest reviews appear at the top of the list for each star rating . Contents I loved it because it was an awesome book . My favorite character was Max . She was a cool , loyal , deadly and funny character . I think anyone should read this book regardless of their age . It was worth reading and was filled with pace , action , mystery , and cools . This is a great book because it 's an action and adventure based story which is the kind of books I like to read . My favorite character is Alex Rider because he 's very smart in tight situations . People who are just like me who like action and adventure would like reading this book . If you want it in full detail then you should read the chapter book first . Review by Anfaz , grade 7 Point Blank is a great book because it has a bunch of action and adventure . My favorite character is Alex Rider because when it comes to scary and tight situations he always knows what to do . Teens who are just like who like action and adventure books would enjoy this book . Review by Anfaz , grade 7 I have always enjoyed Cassandra Clare 's books . They are books I would love to live in . Her novels are so well written that sometimes when I am reading them I forget where I am . This is her second series and it closely relates to her first series , the Mortal Instruments , except for the fact that it takes place in London in the 18th century . This is the first book in the series and there are two others : The Clockwork Prince and The Clockwork Princess . I highly recommend reading this book / series and reading more of Cassandra Clare , but make sure you get parental permission because she is a bit of an intimate writer at times , in both series . Words of Stone is an emotional book about Blaze and Joselle . Blaze and Joselle are in the summer after 5th grade . Blaze 's mother died when he was 5 . Joselle 's father left them before she was born . They meet and become friends . But Joselle hides everything and is cruel . Blaze 's dad has a new girlfriend . Everything is askew ! What happens ? Can you imagine living in a world where everyone - including you - believed love was a disease ? This is Lena 's world … until she meets Alex . Lena realizes that the government has been lying to everyone . Escaping before it 's too late sounds like a good idea now . Cinder , by Marissa Meyer , has a great twist on Cinderella , one of the oldest fairytales by the Grimm Brothers . Cinder is a robot who is the key to saving the lives of millions of people and bringing an evil kingdom down . In this story you learn everything is not as it seems . The Selection , by Kiera Cass , is one of the best books I 've read other than Catching Fire . Reading this book has your eyes and hands captivated to keep on reading . Turning the pages becomes automatic . There 's romance , suspense , and even some action ! The Selection has heartbreak but it has a great ending ! Read the next book , The Elite , too ! I love Babymouse because she daydreams about a topic she hears . She thinks she can do something but she can 't . My least favorite character is Felicia . She 's the popular one in school , and makes Babymouse look bad , but sometimes Babymouse can outwit Felicia . I would think Babymouse would be a good book for people that like comics . I LOVE this book ! It took me a while to get into it since I thought it was a " flat book " ( my term for not very funny books since I lean towards witty books ) at first , but I was proved wrong by the dry yet witty humor . I also thought it would be a zombie tale because of the back , but it wasn 't . It 's an epic survival tale of things that go bump in the night ! When I read this book , I stayed up all night until I finished it . I actually wrote a little fan fiction about Tris and Tobi ( aka Four ) . Anyways , you see Tris in the beginning as a girl from Abnegation . Abnegation is where you put others before yourself . And she really doesn 't like that lifestyle , but she doesn 't hate it either , so she sticks with it . So when choosing day arrives ( the day where you choose any other functions to live in , including you own . The others are Dauntless ( bravery ) , Amity ( peace ) , Candor ( honesty ) , and Erudite ( intelligence ) . ) , she chooses Dauntless because she feels oddly draw to it . So you follow this initiation process that is so hardcore , it leaves you breathless . Plus , some mystery and romance gives it a nice touch . A great read . Review by Jessica , grade 8 Divergent 's sequel left me wanting more ( Allegiant is coming out soon ! ) . This was another up all night read . This book goes deep into the Amity culture and reveals the plan that was that was so fishy in the first book , about how Euridite was releasing claims about how Marcus was treating his son , Tobias ( aka Four ) . What is that about ? How does that have to do with Tris ' mom ? One choice can destroy you . Review by Jessica , grade 8 OMG ! The Clique was a suspenseful , dramatic , realistic fiction about Massie , Kristen , Alicia , and Dylan . They have a " clique " , the most popular clique in school . Then Claire movies into Massie 's , the head of the clique 's , house . Her world is turned upside down ! THIS BOOK ROCKED ! ! ! The Duff brings up many self - esteem issues that go through the minds of teenage girls . I think my favorite character is Wesley , the playboy ! Though Bianca constantly disses him , he still is kind ; even with his own problems to deal with . Things like loneliness , a broken family , and parents who are never around . This is definitely a more mature teen book ( 14 + ) . Review by Taylor , grade 10 I loved this book because it is a great continuation of the 39 Clues series . My favorite character is Dan because he likes to solve puzzels . I think people who like the 39 Clues series would like this book ( 9 - 14 ) . I loved this book because of the interesting storyline and the series . My favorite character is Dan because he has a photographic memory . People who like the series would like this book . Ages ( 9 - 14 ) . I loved the CD very much ! The pop sound is very on point with what they say it is . I like it just as much or even more than the first CD called Up All Night . The best song in my opinion is I Would or She 's not afraid . One of my least favorites was Rock me it was more hardcore than the other songs but just a little bit less of a good song than the others . It 's definitely a bubble gum pop maybe a bit of rockish pop . I think teenage girls 11 - 17 would like this CD . I love it a lot and so do some of my friends my age . I loved this book because its plot was suspenseful . Also I liked the adventure and fighting . My least favorite character was Jeb because he was a mean mad scientist . My favorite character was Maximum Ride . She was leader of her group and trying to save the world . Also she is a bird mutant . I think people who love to read suspenseful , sci - fantasy or adventure books , should read this book . I couldn 't put this book down ! Bad Island is a great graphic novel because it shows a disagreeing family who takes an adventure and starts acting like a real family instead of enemies . My favorite character is Reese because he 's the athletic type who likes to be alone sometimes . This would be a good book for people who like action and adventure . I loved this book because of all the action . My favorite character is Jonah because basically he gets what he wants . I think people who like the 39 Clues series would like this book ( 9 - 14 ) . Ella Enchanted is one of my all time favorite books . My friend gave it to me and said that she had read her copy so many times the binding broke . I have already read it about ten times . This is a wonderful book for all ages about a girl who is cursed with obedience . And AMAZING story for sure ! Storm Thief is a very good book . It 's full of action and adventure . Also , some fantasy . My favorite character would probably be Rail because he is determined and loves adventure . I would recommend this book to anybody who likes the Ranger 's Apprentice series or just loves action and adventure . I really liked this book because it is showing really hard work . They trying really hard to earn money . You will have to read the rest to find out what happens between this brother and sister war ! I really liked this book ! It was full of adventure and a little bit of mystery . Doon and Lina are the main characters that go on an amazing and exciting adventure trying to escape the city because soon the city lights are going to go out forever ! This book is good if you like adventure . First of all , I liked this book because every page I read was full of suspense . It wasn 't a boring book . My favorite character was Lady America and my least favorite character was Prince Maxon . It 's a young adult book . If you like to read fantasy stories and romance stories you should read it . " All who accept this challenge to the 39 clues will receive a clue that might lead you to the most important treasure in the world and make you powerful beyond belief or it might kill you . " ( page 20 ) . I loved this book because of the great idea Rick Riordan had to make a quest for 39 clues . I loved the way he incorporated historical facts with a modern day quest . My favorite character was Dan Cahill because he has a photographic memory . I think it would be cool for you to just look at something and memorize it quickly . I think kids from ages 9 - 14 would like this book . The race continues to find the 39 clues that safeguard a great power , and 14 year old Amy Cahill and her younger 11 year old brother Dan are shocked to find themselves in the lead . I loved this book because the clues revolve around a different historical figure this time it was Mozart . I enjoyed learning about Mozart 's life , and visiting museums and famous cities where Mozart preformed . My favorite character was Dan because he likes anagrams and puzzles just like me . I think people who liked the Maze of Bones would like this book . The Sword Thief was another good clue hunt . I was surprised that Amy & Dan teamed up with Uncle Allistair and then added Ian & Natalie to find the 3rd clue . I liked this book because of the way it was written . I just couldn 't put the book down . My favorite character was Dan because he loves math and is good at it just like me . People who liked book # 1 and # 2 would love this book . I loved this book because I could never put it down . I read it everyday . My favorite character was Amy because she can see the big picture . I think people who like the rest of the series and kids in middle school would like this book . I LOVED this book because of it 's inspiring story . though it isn 't action packed I think it 's a page turner . The story was about love , friendships , trust and hope during an immense change in a girl 's life . OF all the books I 've read in all eleven years of my life Paint the Wind is my favorite . Review by Mekenzie , grade 5 First of all , I loved this book because I wondered what happened to Alianne . My favorite character was Alianne because she was a brave spymaster . My least favorite character was Sarai because she was beauty but annoying character . I think people who are interested with fantasy , violence , and monarchy should read this book . Review by Lynn , grade 11 The Selection by Kiera Cass I loved it because the last time I read book 2 , I adored it . However , I didn 't know there was book 1 , so I read it . My favorite character is Lady America because she was a nice and shy lady . My least favorite character is Prince Mason . I didn 't like his personality and his background . I think people who like reading fantasy and young adult books . Also people should read it because every page I read was filled with suspense . Review by Lynn , grade 11 Some of my friends had me get this from the library , they talked about it so much that I just had to check it out . And I am so happy that I did . Cass had me hooked from the very first paragraph . I stayed up until midnight reading this and as soon as I finished it I bought the second one on my nook . THE SELECTION is a beautiful written book that I am going to read over and over again until I get so sick of it I put it in a box and put it in my closet until I go to college . The thing I loved most about this book was hearing about all of the outfits the Selected got to wear to all of the events . It made me wish I liked there even though they have a caste system worst ( and in some ways better ) than the one they used to have in India . In this novel all of the gowns that the young ladies wore were hand sewn by each of the Selected personal maids . If someone asked who my favorite character was I would have to say America because she is so independent and so opinionated . I feel that is the way all women should be , well most anyway . I like how she talks the Prince Maxon sometimes , she treats him as an equal not like a One ( the highest caste . ) You see more of this personality in the second book , which I loved . The thrilling squeal to Wither , main character Rhine continues on her journey to find her brother and reach her home back in Manhattan . Rhine and her friend / lover Gabriel trek up the East Coast of a futuristic America . But while they get closer and closer to their goal , Rhine gets more and more sick . Dangerously high fevers and ultra severe flu symptoms show up but there is no cure until . . . one day , her old enemy shows up on her doorstep when she is at her weakest point ! What happens to Rhine ? Does she find her brother ? Read this fast paced adventure to discover her journey . Cactus aka Yamada - San asked out Fujioka - Kun , but was rejected . Then a snobby rich prep student comes in and makes a scene ! Fujioka - Kun is not happy . Yamada - San bumps into an old friend of Fujioka - Kun 's . Things get crazy ! The rich boy fed up with Fujioka - Kun . He makes a plan to get Fujioka - Kun expelled , and it works . Yamada - San pleads for the rich boy to let Fujioka - Kun back in school ! So , to prove the rich boy 's love , he let 's him back ! But who knows what they will do ! ? I love this series ! It 's 1 of my favorite series and this book was 1 of my favorite book in the series . I like how Harry found this connection to Voldemort even though it lead to Someone 's death . I also like the connection because it shows he 's actually 1 of the few people who can defeat him . My favorite character was Harry mainly because he 's the person the series is about . I LOVE HARRY POTTER ! ! ! Review by Lipi , grade 7 If you 're reading this it 's too late is an exciting book written by Pseudonymous Bosch . It 's a thrilling novel mixed with humor and suspense . My favorite character is the Homurculus . It is a small creature that is grumpy and has a humorous but bad attitude . My least favorite character is Mr . L . He is a evil man determined to have a young life forever . He goes to extrmeme ways . People in middle and elementary school will enjoy this book . Especially people who enjoy thrills . Out of My Mind is a wonderful book for all ages . The main character , Melody , is disabled and I love stories that show people doing something unthinkable . My favorite character was Melody because of her personality , and my least favorite characters were Rose and Claire . Rose seemed nice , but then let Melody down , and Claire was just plain mean all the time . I think that this is an excellent book and that everyone should read it . Project Sweet Life is an amazing book because it 's so interesting how these 15 year old boys will do anything to make easy money without getting a summer job . My favorite character is Dave because towards the end of the book he uses his brains in a smart way to solve the mystery . I recommend this book to teens who are willing to make money without having a summer job . I liked Ben Hur because of the journey of Ben Hur had . He was a prince and their paddling boats in Roman ships and then being a chariot race winner . My favorite character was Ben Hur because he is smart and determined . I think people who are 12 and up . I loved this book because of the suspense and action . My favorite character was Dan because he proves if you try your hardest you can achieve . I think people who like the first 4 books will like the book . Also , people from ages 9 - 14 would like this book . I loved this book because of the creative writing by Jude Watson . My favorite character was Dan because of his creative and imaginative thinking . I think people who like the first 5 books will like this book . Also , people from ages 9 - 14 would love this book . I loved this book because every page I read , there was danger . My favorite character was Maximum ( Max ) Ride . She was a great leader and she was bird mutant . My least favorite character was Ari . He was mean bully and he is Eraser . I think people who like mutants or fantasy should read this book . I loved this book . I thought it was very interesting & I couldn 't put it down . I loved how Anne Frank wrote . She seemed to be absolutely truthful in her journal , and I liked that . I could really relate to her , as I think many can . I laughed out loud at parts and was devastated when I read the end note , even though I already knew that the members of the Secret Annex met unfortunate ends , including Anne . Afterwards , I was slightly overwhelmed by thinking about all the individual lives that were cut short in WWII . I only had one dislike of the book : that her dad edited it ! Who would want their dad editing & reading their journal ? But all in all , this book was amazing & one of the best I 've read ! Inkheart is a wonderful , exciting story . I loved it because characters got to come out of the books . There is also a movie which is really cool to watch . My favorite character is Meggie because she read Tinkerbell out of the book and because she shared her father 's gift . I think all ages could enjoy it except for really small kids . I love this book because it was from a teenage 's perspective . My favorite character was Ruby . I think this book is for people who are 12 - 17 or are just big fans ( like me ) of Sarah Dessen . A little boy named Willy is going to race in a dogsled race , because his grandfather is very sick . While his grandfather is sick a tax collector comes bye and Willy 's grandfather is sick , he doesn 't have the money . So the tax collector has to take the house , but there is a lot of people racing in the race , and one of them is Stone Fox . He has never lost a race . This is a series of twelve books that I am reading . I love these books becuase they are filled with action , worry , and suspence . Callum Ormond is my favorite character . He is a hunted fugitive and is now on the run . Callum is only 15 years old and he has to survive 365 days . I think that people who like action book would like this . Ages 10 to 15 would probly like it . I love this book because it had a lot of action in it . I had a lot of favorite characters . This book is filled with action , humor , and mystery . This book is for kids who like action and humor . I loved this book and so will you . Their are 4 books in this series so read them all . I love this book because it is about a bunch of friends putting something together . My favorite character is Kate because she never gives up and you can tell she is kindhearted and determined . She didn 't stop trying to earn money for her dad 's b - day present . This is a great book for kids that are thinking about having a lemonade stand . A World Away is about a 16 - year old named Eliza , who has been Amish all her life . She has never tried on a pair of jeans , never made a phone call , or watched TV . She is asked for a nanny job for two kids , and excited accepts . She learns the good , bad , and the ugly of learning of love , life , and lessons of the non - Amish world . She learns that most of the time , the life your blessed with is the life your meant to belong to , even if it doesn 't seem that way . This was a phenomenal book ! I liked this book because it made you think about what is going to happen next . My favorite character is Meg . I like Meg because you can tell she is adventerous and likes taking risks . I think kids from 4th grade to 7th grade would like this adventerous tale . I liked how the author made the setting feel like the future and it could happen . I felt like every chapter Lena was changing and starting to realize love is good and it is something to celebrate . I liked how the ending was put together . I feel like this was a fast paced book that left me wanting more at the end . I thought it was a great book . review by Megan , grade 9 I like it because it was kinda like me . My favorite character is Nikki J . Maxwell . Recommend to 10 , 11 , 12 , and 13 year olds . I felt that Beautiful Creatures had a great story line . I liked that they placed it in the real world . It made it feel like it could happen . I liked how they made the connection with Lena and Ethan . It made it feel magical . All around it was a great book that most people would like to read . Review by Megan , grade 9 It 's very captivating with major romance and mystery . A simpleton guy from a small town finds out that this new summer time city isn 't all its cracked up to be . There are real vampires and some aren 't as friendly as they seem . It is truly a must read for the summer . Review by Robin This book is easy to read and keeps you wanting to know more . Personally , I loved Gus , he was sweet and hilarious . This book is perfect for anyone in middle school or up ! Review by Amanda The book I 'm doing my review on is " Matilda . " I picked Matilda because it 's one of my favorite books . I also enjoyed the movie . Matilda is about a little girl growing up on her own in a family she doesn 't belong . She discovers that she has magical powers . In the end she was adopted by her teacher which she loved , and they lived happily ever after . Curing disease seems to be the new big thing around books these days , yet out of all of them this just might be my favorite . First starting it I thought it was as boring as all heck and put it down , but like anything you can 't start something and not finish it so , I did and absolutely loved it . I highly highly recommend it and if you have the same trouble as me , push through it : I promise it gets better , way better . The characters are really interesting , but I think it is the plot that is the most intriguing . I would recommend this for the young adults age group ( teens ) . Clearly with a rating of five , I enjoyed this book . It was a play off of the original story " Cinderella , " a story that I basically hated as a kid because the main heroine was pathetic and never stood up for herself . The tomboy Cinder is the exact opposite , someone people can actually relate to and an all around likeable character . Cinder was very much original because it didn 't take the exact same story / plotline and rewrite it as a modern story , but took the basic skeleton of the story and added tons of new components making it a new story . It might have been pretty predictable throughout , but overall was really good , so I 'm excited for the next 3 books ! This book was outstanding ! Yes , it was and is most definitely meant for an older audience ( teens and such ) but half of the obscenities are what make this book so great . I 'm sure a lot of teens can relate to what went on in this book . It was hilarious , thought provoking , heart wrenching , and just about every other emotion there is all at the same time . I myself did not enjoy the back cover 's description . I don 't think it made for an intriguing sort of " explanation " , but ignore the back . I did and LOVED this book . So obviously I recommend this book , along with his other books which are also really good . This review is on " Witness " . I chose this book because it is a good / sad book . This book is about a lot of different things but it 's basicly about a Klu Klux Klan group in a small town in Vermont . This book is very racist but it ends up being good in the end . My favorite character was Esther Hirsh a 6 year old girl from New York . Review by Mariah , Grade 9 My book review is on " The BFG . " Also known as " The Big Friendly Giant . " This is a very popular children 's story . I read it for the first time when I was in 2nd grade . This book is mainly about a little girl named Sophie who lived in an orphanage , and one night she was awake and was kidnapped by a friendly giant and taken to giant land where many giants lived . In the end the giant was able to come live with everyone and treated normal . My favorite character was Sophie because she was intelligent . I really liked this book . With many twists and turns it made for suspenseful and exiting reading . I was so happy with it I ended up reading the whole 11 - book series in about a month ! This book was really great . I had seen it on shelves for quite some time and it wasn 't until a while that I picked it up and really saw its … awesomeness . Although I must say it got a little confusing eventually . Bloomability is about a girl who 's family moves a lot - ever 6 months to a new place . Soon she is sent to Switzerland , which she hates , and learns how to speak Italian , Spanish , Japaneze , and French at an American School . She soon makes close friends w / some of her peers and goes on a skiing trip w / them . Two of them are burried in an avalanche , and I won 't tell you if they survive . She soon loves this school and can not bear to leave her friends ( some who are not coming back next year ) and their is no guarantee she will . She soon learns the value of friendship and that no one will ever forget her . Responsible Rosalind , future astrophysicist Skye , Jane the author , and shy batty along with their father are on their way to the summer of their lives at Arundel , home of Jeffrey and the despicable Mrs . Tifton . There will be love . There will be brownies . There will be butterfly wings , bunnies , and bulls . There will be heartbreak , writing , and piano . And , there will be Algebra and roses . Sweet Venom is a wonderful book . It is a fun , exciting take on Greek mythology . I really like the author 's style of writing , she uses descriptive language to create the atmosphere and setting . This book is about three girls who discover that they are long lost triplets , and also descendants of Medusa . They have to keep the mortal world safe from monsters who come out of an abyss to feed on the humans life force . Gradually the wall that separates the mortal word from the abyss starts to break and more and more monsters start to escape the abyss and come into the mortal world . I liked it . It was very interesting & a nice twist on the dragon theme . Actually , dragons are NOT actually a huge part of the book , more of the presence & influence of them . A big part of the book was how men were the strong ones , and women were weak & they couldn 't do anything , and how Eon ( later Eona ) is changing peoples opinions about it . A critique is that I felt like the author looked at some subjects too much , and some too little . Favorite character : Lady Dela . Least favorite : Uygo . Review by Natalie , grade 8 I hate this book because it was boring . My least favorite character was Hal . I think people might enjoy this book if they like a boy who becomes a skandran warrior . Review by Lynn , grade 11 First I felt this book was boring but the more pages I read , it made me read the book . My favorite character was Han . Someone gave him an amulet that could be dangerous to destroy all the kingdoms . I would say that anyone should read it because it was interesting , but I thought this book was okay and wasn 't so boring like the rest of the books . Review by Lynn , grade 11 I thought it was great ! At first I was skeptical of it having polygamy in it , since that 's not really my thing , but it turned out well . Rhine 's choices throughout the book are what gripped me . I don 't want to spoil anything , but I can definitely tell something is going is going to happen with her father - in - law . I can 't wait to read the next book . Have you ever wondered what it 's like to live the life of a glamorous 12 year old ? Well now you can know . Massie Block is a ridiculously rich 12 year old who owns designer bags and clothes . Massie is very content with her " clique " until Claire moves in . Will Massie be able to accept a new girl in her group ? This book has what my local librarian calls " right of passage . " You have to get through the first part before the book becomes any good . That is what happened with this book . However once I got past the slow part I loved it . The characters were extremely dark and I loved that . There are not many books that has many dark character that are fighting for good . Other than this there are not many things to report back . It was a good book , but any mistakes that really jumped out at me . Review by Paige , grade 10 There were some parts in the book that the dialogue was not the best in the world . There were a ton of times that the author made the characters say , " Oh , blah blah blah . " I do not know about you , but that makes me think that the character is sighing or having an epiphany . I did like the depth of the characters , and the range of them . Polly Shulman has a three year old as a hero in this novel , I think that just comes to show that she thinks that anyone can be a hero , no matter what their size . Another character that you would not suspect to be a hero , Jaya , a ten year old girl . She figures out things that the teens in the novel would never figure out . Review by Paige , grade 10 I think the book is very fast paced . Even when they were in the peaceful country Alex still got shot at by a bunch of spoiled stuck up boys . The action never stopped from the beginning to the end . I loved it because it was a book based on comparison between boys & dogs and girls & cats . My favorite character was Yumi , Annabelle 's friend because of how much she loved animals . A sixth grader who was new at school and wanted to be able to blend in . I liked this book because it was funny . The outfit designs were pretty . You can tell that Annie has a big imagination . In this book you 'll see a blast of fun and style ! Terrier is the first book I 've read by Tamora Pierce , who people have been recommending to me for a long time , so perhaps I went into it with my expectations a little too high . Or maybe reading murder mystery books geared for adults has ruined me for reading Young Adult murder mysteries . Or it could have been that my dubious talent for spotting the hidden bad guys of a story kicked in , but by the 300th page , I knew what the ending was going to be . I knew who shadowed ( geddit ? ) antagonist was . So for me , it was a bit of a drag reading the last 200 odd pages in the book , only to have everything I 'd already known confirmed in the last five pages . Of course , as I said , my realizing the whole ending could just be one of my talents for guessing plot lines , so don 't let that turn you off of the book . I also wasn 't a fan of the first couple pages , but that 's a matter of personal style preference , so I 'll let you draw your own opinions . Now that I 've gone over what I didn 't like , I start with what I did , The heroine , Rebakah , was strong , with a large supporting cast who helped her along , but it didn 't feel like they were constantly having to rescue her out of everything . She was clever , if slightly naive , but that fades as the book progresses . Tamora Pierce certainly knows what she 's doing in creating a tough girl . The world was very interesting , and I enjoyed learning more about the Dogs , the peacekeepers of the land . They do use slightly different language , so that can take a little while to get used to , but if you 're really stuck on a word , try the glossary in the back . There 's also a character index and a list of terms it can be good to be familiar with as you learn about their world . I 'm not sure that I had a favorite character , but I was fond of Rosto , the roughish character who sweeps in a few chapters in , and Beka 's two Dogs , Turnstall and Goodwin , who are charged with training her from a training puppy into a full - fledged Dog . I would recommend this book to tweens or younger teens with a taste for resourceful , stroReview by Thea I think this book is interesting because it 's about 3 fifteen year old boys who are told to find summer jobs but they will do anything to have freedom for their last summer before they enter the working world . My favorite character would be Curtis because he acts like a leader . This book is perfect for the teens who are trying to get out of there summer jobs . First of all I liked this book because I liked how the wolves find the new land . My favorite character was Gwyneth because she was a brave owl and I love Guardian of Ga ' Hoole series . My least favorite character was Edme . She was an annoying wolf . I think people who like wolves . Rhine Ellery lives in a futuristic society where women die at 20 and men die at 25 years of age . There are some who are researching the possibility of an antidote but few live long enough to make progress . Rhine is a strong - willed 16 year old who is kidnapped and introduced to a new wealthy lifestyle , but what she discovers is so horrible she knows she has to escape somehow . And housemaster Vaughn is watching around every corner . Is Rhine able to escape ? Is she able to find an antidote to the disease that is wiping out the human race ? Check out Wither today ! The Serpent 's Shadow by Rick Riordan is about two kids ages 14 and 12 who are magicians . It 's about the Egyptian gods . I loved the book because it was full of adventure and action . The reason that I only give it 4 stars was because sometimes it talks in to much detail . The funniest part is when ( pretty often ) the brother and sister fight . It is told in past tense so they fight while they 're narrating . And that is what i think of The Serpent 's Shadow . Review by Reese " The Hardy Boys " is an awesome chapter book series that is FULL of mysteries , on after another . The main characters are 2 teens , Joe and Frank Hardy . You should read this book if you like mysteries . According to a Gallop poll , 92 % of Americans were aware of Nixon 's visit to Communist China in the 1970s . His visit broke a decades long silence of formal communications between the US and China . This cemented a new start in Sino - American relations and both gained a bargaining ship against a common enemy : the Soviet Union . Margaret MacMillian did not just describe and dissect Nixon 's trip ; instead , she explores the lives and background of the main characters : Nixon , Kissenger , Chou , and Mao . She also explains the large amount of background work that had to be conducted in secret in order to make the trip possible . Bear in mind , this is a serious historical read , however ; you will learn the intricacies and some funny anecdotes behind politics and diplomacy . Review by Jemmy , grade 12 As the person I am , I have read almost all of Meg Cabot 's books . This series is by far the best that I have read of hers . She actually make the person who is in the position of Hades seem normal and like someone who was actually a man . Someone who knows what it feels like to die , through that he shows more sympathy than in other characters I have seen who have played the role of Hades . I also loved how John has more background , something more interesting , than the normal stories about the lord of the dead . This book is a lot less confusing than the first book , which is good . Where the first book flips between past and present a lot , this book stays with Pierce the entire time . This book also explains a lot more in a lot more detail , mainly because the main character is not as clueless in this book than in the first one . Some of my favorite parts are when she sees the curtains fluttering . I like this because the curtains are white and seem symbolic in a place of death . It makes me think that there is innocence and purity in the Underworld . It also makes me think that Pierce is getting to start over , that the white curtains mean a clean slate for her . It is kind of like the pomegranate in the Underworld , everyone thinks it is one thing , when it actually means something else entirely . Some parts of the dialogue were a little weird for me . I don 't know why , but whenever someone puts something with and " Oh , " in front of a name it just sounds ridiculous . I loved this book . When I read the first one I couldn 't believe it was over . There had to be more to Rebecca 's story , and I was right . This book takes you back into the life of Rebecca Brown , a normal teenage girl who can see ghost , but not all ghost , just the ones that let Rebecca see them , or if you are holding a hand of a ghost . That is how Frank notices Rebecca ; he saw her with Lisette the year before when they walked to her house in the Treme . In this part of the Ruined series you can really see the characters flourish . There is Rebecca who shows that she is strong and confident ( most of the time . ) Anton who now shows that he only believed in ghost because of the curse on the Bowman family and believes that Lisette was the only ghost in New Orleans and tries to fight it off when Rebecca tells him otherwise . Ling , a ndw character , who is like a confidante for most of the book , but then she really shows her intelligence in the end . Then you have Toby , who you think is even more of a nut case than in the first book . The only bad thing about this book is that it is really confusing at the end . What happened to Delphine ? Why did she move on ? Was it because she saw that Frank was moving on ? Then the Epilogue was kind of confusing too . It kind of leaves you wondering what is happening here ? Does this mean that Paula Morris is thinking about writing a third book , making this into a large series , or just keeping it down at two ? This book was amazing , however it was too short . Throughout the entire book I felt like something more could be explained . Or what as explained could be elaborated more on . However , Josephine did an excellent job with what she wrote . Everything made moresense in this book than any of the others , ( which is what she wanted to do , I think . ) and was beautifully crafted so everyone ( well , almost everyone ) got their happy ending . Reading through this series it was exciting to see how each person changed and developed , even though some did not . Characters people didn 't like very much get some justice behind them and end themselves with very noble acts . The only true problem I had while reading this story was the epilogue . It felt way too long and that the author was trying to rap up a story that wasn 't completely closed . I feel that if she wanted to Josephine Angelini could write another novel that explains more of what ends up happening to everybody . Some parts I was okay with the wrap up ( Jerry and Kate ) and others I wasn 't ( Lucas 's situation ) . Younger generations on occasion associate history with school , and in the beginning of the summer that is the last thing anyone wants to think about . This story of the war , the living conditions , and the tensions of the years preceding 1812 until the years dating after the war , shows relations to the present . The relations are not in the difficulties , but more so in the language and thoughts of America 's founders . These similarities cause the formation of fantastic relationships . These relationships are between the reader and the historical figures , in this historical review . This author is successful his attempt to connect the present and the past . This adventure with Katie Kazoo is as wild as always . Her teacher Mrs . Derkman moves in next door . What a surprise . Once again the magic wind comes and turns her into Pepper . Pepper ( Katie ) does some crazy stuff and then when she turns back into herself she fixes everything . Pepper is my favorite character . Francine and Muffy have a bet that Francine can 't be nice for a whole week . Muffy bets her Princess Peach watch . Arthur and his friends push Francine to the limit but she holds back her temper . My favorite character is Muffy . Find out what happens to Francine as she tries to be nice for a whole week . This book is amazing ! It 's about 2 rabbits named Hazel and Fiver who try to leave their home warren . It really makes you think about how rabbits live in the wild and how similar and at the same time how different rabbits are to humans . Review by Johanna I loved Fairest because it was about things like love and hatred and there were a lot of details which helped me get an image of the story in my head , making the story better . My favorite character was Ijory because he was nice to everyone . I think someone who enjoyed magical things , like fairies , would like it . A girl named Amu Hinamori wants to be her true self . She ends up with 3 character guardians who help her . People that work for Easter steal her eggs and guardians ! She has to protect them and save the characters . I 'd say this was a pretty good book . If you enjoy modern adaptations of classic books or old fairy tales , I think you would enjoy this book . This book is really inventive , gorey , and definitely draws the reader in . Although the end was sort of anticlimactic , the whole rest of the book was really enthralling , though you still want to know what happens in the next 2 books . I would recommend this for maybe the younger teens and older kids . The book I choose to do this review on is " Middle School . " I choose this book because it comes from a great series . This book is about Georgea Khatchadorian who plans to do good in her middle school but along the way her brother fails and it brings her reputation of a " good student " down . My favorite character is Rafe , which is the brother who is failing in school . To me Bunheads was a fairly boring book . The main character , Hannah , struggles with the same conflict for 294 pages . Hannah dances for the Manhattan Ballet Company and struggles with the thought of dumping ballet . I feel like the book repeats itself too many times . Kudos to Moira for taking a bold step in writing . If you are a grammar fanatic , this is not the book for you . Unless you 're really southern . I found it hard to read though . Other than that it was a good story and I believe there is a sequel . Lemonade Mouth is an interesting , inspirational book giving a heartwarming ( and heart breaking ) story on how kids can change the world just by standing up for what is right using just simple actions . Lemonade Mouth gives the story of five different teens ' point of views . Each band member had different problems and backgrounds that all real kids can relate to , but they overcome their issues through music , and rebellion ! Review by Kelly , grade 7 I hated this book because it was boring and talked about princess and prince dating . My least favorite character was Princess Ben . Although she could magic , it was a boring story . I think people who love to read princess and magic , but I don 't like this book ! I love reading books by John Green and Looking for Alaska was especially interesting because of the recurring theme of a labyrinth of suffering and what our purpose here on Earth is . The characters were vivid and I enjoyed Miles ' habit of " collecting " last words from people . This book is a thought pondering adventure that was very entertaining to read . I would only recommend this book to mature teenagers due to certain elements not suitable for younger ages . But if you are mature and like a good book , any of John Green 's books are awesome to read ! I liked it because it was an interesting story . I had a book , and my favorite character was Emmett . I would think that this book would be for 14 + ages . I would think this book would be for fans of romantic , vampire books or movies . The Cathedrals 20 All Time Favorites This is a wonderful Southern Gospel cd . The Cathedrals were a wonderful group . My Favorite song on this cd is " I Can See the Hand " . I also like several other ones a lot . Others I like are " A Wonderful Time Up There " , " The Last Sunday " , " Echoes from the Burning Bush " , and " The Love of God " . This is a collection of songs from different recordings the group did and has several different members of the group on it . Of course it has George Younce and Glen Payne who were with the group the whole time . I Think this is a wonderful cd and is definitely worth listening to . Southern Gospel 's Top Twenty Songs of the Century I really liked this cd . It is really good and has many of the best Southern Gospel groups ever . My favorite songs are " I Never Shall Forget the Day " , " I Know " , " Jesus is Coming Soon " , " This Old House / When the Saints go Marching in " , and " Give the World a Smile " . There were not any that I really did not like although I did have favorites . If you really like Southern Gospel you will really like this cd . Even though I am thirteen and really like it most of the time this kind of music would be something more adults would like . I really liked this cd . Jake Hess was one of the best singers ever and this cd is a tribute to him put together by Bill Gaither with a bunch of recordings of him . My favorite song is \ " Up Above My Head \ " with him and George Younce singing . Most of these songs were from the Gaither Homecoming videos and some were really old videos of him . One funny one was where they were singing \ " The Fourth Man \ " with Jake Hess , Tim Lovelace , Rex Nelon , George Younce , and another guy . they did it several times to get it right . I think every body would like this if they tried it . This movie was one of the best ever made . IT is an older movie and is in black and white , and it is still one of the best . It is a really funny movie . My favorite character was Andy Griffith playing as Will Stockdale , but I also like his friend Ben and Sergeant King . It is a really good movie . I like it a lot . I think anybody would like it . I would definitely recommend watching it sometime . It is a movie worth watching . This was one of the best cd 's ever . It was done in 1995or1996 I 'm not exactly sure . IT was celebrating the Speer Family having been a group for seventy five years . The singers are Brock Speer , Faye Speer , Ben Speer , Mary Tom Speer Reid , and Rosa Nell Speer Powell . There were also a few other people which sang with them on certain songs . They were Eddy Bolton , Karen Apple , Harold Lane , Allison Durham Speer , Marc Speer , and few others . My favorite song is " I Want to be Ready to Meet Him " . I did not like " All Day Singin ' and Dinner on the Ground " . I thought that song sounded strange and not like Southern Gospel normally does . By the way the Speer Family was a Southern Gospel group so this cd of course has Southern Gospel music on it mainly and few other songs . One I like is " What a Day That Will Be " with Brock Speer singing one verse and Eddy Bolton singing another . My favorite singer on this disc and out of the group is Ben Speer . He normally sang the lead or tenor for the group . This is an old cd and Brock Speer has now passed away and the others are older now and are not singing as a group . I think it is wonderful to have this recording of them all singing . They also sang several songs that G . T . Speer , their father wrote . These include " I Want to be Ready to Meet Him " , " Some Glad Day " , " Sweeter Each Day " , " The Dearest Fried I Ever Had " , and " Heaven 's Jubilee " . I think the Speer Family was the best Southern Gospel Group ever . This would probably appeal to older adults because many younger people may not have even known of the group and if they are not Christians and don 't like Southern Gospel they would not like it either . I really like it though and I am only thirteen . I think if younger people were introduced to this kind of music they would like it as well as I do . It is wonderful music . I think this cd is definitely worth trying to find if you don 't have it , and it is a great cd to listen to . The Avengers was pretty much the best action movie of all time . There was great acting and the Hulk looked breathtakingly real ! With all of the Marvel heroes together , it 's like an argumentative family ! The Avengers is also packed with humor that makes your stomach hurt from so much laughter . Review by Jade , grade 7 I thought this was a great movie . It was really funny and my sister and I liked it so much that we watched it seven times within a span of about a month . It was really neat how they were all racing to get there and find the big W . It showed several cars driving really fast and racing down the roads . It also had a lot of funny people in this movie . I think m favorite character was Captain Culpepper . There were several really funny parts in it as well . A few were Phil Silvers as Otto Meyer driving his car down the stream into the river , the Crumps getting locked in the basement of the store and their attempts to get out ( which they finally did ) , and Captain Culpepper talking on the phone with his daughter Billy Sue and when he threw his hat out the window . One art that you probably should skip though is the part where Mrs . Marcus talks to Sylvester , her son , on the phone because he was with this girl and this girl was not wearing enough and they had not good music on in the background . Mrs . Marcus talks to him three times and two out of three you should skip . Sylvester himself is fine to watch later because he was a really funny character in the movie and is fine after that . This movie was done in the sixties so it is a pretty old movie , but it is great and is definitely worth finding and watching sometime . It would appeal more to older kids and adults . Younger kids would not understand the funny things in this movie and might find it not very interesting as I did when I was a lot younger . It has really funny stuff and not any of the bad or crude humor that you would find in lots of \ " funny \ " movies today . This was wonderful movie that everyone should see . I loved this movie because of the way they made it alive . It seemed so real . My favorite character was Pi Patel because of his amazing adventure . I would love to see what I would do in his situation . I think people who are from ages 12 and up would love this movie . I decided to do my review on " Rango " because it 's a very extravagant movie due to the fact that the animals talk ! In this movie there is a chameleon " Rango " who has to find his inner voice . In the beginning he gets dropped out of his car and is stranded in the desert . He becomes the sheriff of a small town which has a evil plotting major who has all of the water to build a new town . My favorite character was " Rango " which is the main character . Demi Lovato 's album , Demi , is a wonderful album featuring tracks that include pop , soul , and some mild form of " rapping . " Everybody might think of Demi as still a " Disney chick " but she 's managed to break out of that image in a great way . Demi has gone through some tough times and this album gives you a great perspective of that rough time . This album is a must buy ! The movie I 'm doing this review on is " Holes . " I decided to do a review on this movie because it 's one of my favorites . This movie is mainly about Stanley Yelnats gets sent away to a correctional camp for stealing shoes , that he was wrongly accused for . There family believes in this 100 year old curse that his great great grandfather put on them . In the end he finds a treasure chest that was meant for him all along , but throughout the whole movie they would look back into the past and tell the story of " kissing Kate Barlow . " Which was one of my favorite characters , my other favorite character was Theodore aka " Arm pit . " The movie I 'm doing this review on is " Zathura " . I choose Zathura because it is a good movie . Zathura is about two brothers who are left at home with their older sister . ( Which she doesn 't watch them well ) . The two brothers play a game called " Zathura " which comes to stop the bad things from happening they have to finish the game . My favorite character was the " Robot " . Even though they only showed him once he was funny . My least favorite character was the older brother , because he was mean and had a bad attitude . This movie is about teenagers at a Christian school . It is very religious so religious people would love it . They would relate best to Mandy Moore who plays the popular girl trying to save everyone . This movie is also for people who aren 't religious because it has , my favorite character , Cassandra : a Jewish bad girl . She falls in love with Mandy Moore 's crippled brother . This movie involves gayness , a teen pregnancy , and a love affair . I dislike the fact that the pregnant girl didn 't get an abortion , but everyone supported her even though I didn 't . This movie has a happy ending , so if you like those here you go .
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Dylan Walker has spent six years trying to move on from the loss of his girlfriend , Presley Cooper . Motivated by grief and the desire to do for others what he couldn 't do for her , he burns the candle at both ends to make it through medical school . After graduation he moves west , putting as much distance as possible between his past and his present . Unknowingly , Dylan has been set on a path that will destroy everything he thought he knew . All the pain , all the grief , was all for nothing . With the help of an unexpected ally , Dylan must find the answers and save the girl he loves before it 's too late . Flutter is a book like nothing I have ever read . The poetic way Olivia delivers her words will hold your heart and mind captivated . You will run the gauntlet of emotions throughout this story , that will leave you thinking about this book for a long time after the words end . Olivia Evans is a dreamer by day , writer by night . She 's obsessed with music and loves discovering new bands . Traveling the world and watching the sun set in every time zone sounds like heaven to her . A true Gemini , she follows her heart blindly and lives life to the fullest with her husband , son , and friends . Her other loves are : Chuck Taylors , Doc Martens , concert tees , gangster movies , sports , wine , craft beer and her shih tzu 's . Soren Decker . He 's the epitome of the " bad boy , good man " persona . The best of both worlds . The worst of them too . He 's the type of guy most girls would not mind sharing a confined space with , except my new roommate isn 't all swagger and chiseled abs . He 's bossy . Messy . Cocky . Infuriating . Doesn 't believe in personal space . Has no qualms about roaming the apartment with a loincloth - sized towel cinched around his waist . Seems under the delusion he 's my personal protector ( refer back to infuriating ) . He plays college baseball and holds down a part - time job - I don 't know where he finds the time to get on my nerves . We 're got nothing in common . . . except for one thing . Our attraction to one another . And in six hundred square feet of shared space , the tension only has so much room to grow before one of us gives in to temptation . But really , what chance do a couple of young kids chasing their dreams in the big city have of making it ? Since Soren claims I know squat about sports ( he might have a semi - point ) , here 's a stat for him - one in a million . That 's our odds . " Coming in , " I announced , opening the door and stepping inside . A plume of steam rolled over me , instantly coating my skin in a hot , dewy shield . " Hot shower ? " " Hell of a lot better than the cold one I took a couple of nights ago . " His voice echoed off the walls as I focused on squeezing a glob of toothpaste onto my brush . It was difficult . I found myself quite distracted by the knowledge he was naked behind that thin shower curtain , a whole three feet away . Just as I was about to stick my toothbrush into my mouth , the shower cranked off , the curtain whipping open right after . Soren . Wet . Exposed . Giant . My eyes clamped shut , but it wasn 't fast enough . From the low chuckle he gave , he hadn 't missed my two - second gape . " Soren ! " " Sorry . Water got cold . " I gave him a few seconds to cover up before I opened my eyes and got back to brushing my teeth . He hadn 't covered up though . " What are you doing ? Grab a towel . " My arm flailed in the direction of where we kept our fresh towels hanging from the rack . My eyes felt like they were about to go crossed from staying focused on my reflection instead of his naked one in the same mirror . " Out of fresh towels . Haven 't gotten around to the laundry . " He moved up beside me at the sink , reaching for his own toothbrush . He was standing so close , his wet arm was brushing against mine . Don 't look down . Don 't look down . Don 't look at the giant - Crap . I looked . He was grinning at me as he brushed his teeth , my face crimson thanks to what I 'd glanced at . " See anything you like ? " My body was still buzzing from what I 'd seen that I liked . I kind of hated him for calling me out on it though . I kind of even hated him for having so much to like . " I know what you 're doing . " My eyebrow rounded as I got to work brushing my teeth too . He spit in the sink , somehow winding up closer to me when he leaned back up . " Air drying ? " My eyes narrowed in the mirror at him . " Trying to change my mind . " He stared back , brushing his teeth in all of his naked glory , * Review copy received from the author for an honest review * Sweet , Funny , entertaining , and beautifully written are just a few of my thoughts on Roommates with Benefits ! ! Knowing this author 's writing , I had high expectations for this story , and I WAS NOT disappointed . OMG , I laughed and I swooned throughout the WHOLE story ! ! Soren Decker and Hayden Hayes , our main characters , are AMAZING together . Both following their dreams in New York City . I must be honest and say this story did NOT go where I thought it was , though , which made me extremely happy ! ! Their relationship , whether friendship or love , made my heart so happy ! ! The humor is out of this world funny . Soren 's bad boy mouth is great , but what is so much better , is reading about Hayden putting him in his place . But the sweet side to Soren is also great . As the synopsis says , Soren truly is a " bad boy , good man . " Yep , this review is short and sweet 🙂 Nicole Williams is a long - time author for me . And I am never disappointed by her amazing writing and mind grabbing story lines . This story comes highly recommended by this Book Bitch ! ! Nicole Williams is the New York Times and USATODAY bestselling author of contemporary and young adult romance , including the Crash and Lost & Found series . Her books have been published by HarperTeen and Simon & Schuster in both domestic and foreign markets , while she continues to self - publish additional titles . She is working on a new YA series with Crown Books ( a division of Random House ) as well . She loves romance , from the sweet to the steamy , and writes stories about characters in search of their happily even after . She grew up surrounded by books and plans on writing until the day she dies , even if it 's just for her own personal enjoyment . She still buys paperbacks because she 's all nostalgic like that , but her kindle never goes neglected for too long . When not writing , she spends her time with her husband and daughter , and whatever time 's left over she 's forced to fit too many hobbies into too little time . Posted by Jennifer LaFon & filed under All Reviews , Favorites , Jennifer L 's reviews , New Releases , Tours and Blitzes . This post has no comments yet . June 8 , 2017 But there 's so much more beyond the jokes and the sexual innuendos ; behind the mask he so carefully wears . It 's in the way he takes care of others , including me . It 's in the glimpses of the pain he carries in his soul . But , I 'm not the only point of this triangle . Someone else who is important to us loves him too . How can there be joy if he chooses me when I know the other person will be hurt ? Many years later , she got a crazy idea to write a novel and set out to try to publish it . With over a dozen titles published under various pen names , the rest is history . Her journey has been a blessing , and a dream realized . She looks forward to many more memories to come . I never thought in the blink of an eye my life could change , but it did . Cresting a hill driving to my favorite fishing spot , I was hit head - on by a teenager with no regard for anyone 's life but his own . The recovery process has been hard , painful , and damn near beating me down . Surviving the wreck has given me a second chance to make a life with her . Not knowing if I 'll ever be able to rejoin the Moonshine Task Force again has brought my world into focus . It 's made me realize what 's important . Now that he 's been injured , he needs my help and my love . I 'll give it all freely , but in the end I 'm gonna need him to understand one thing about relationships . The give and take , love and sadness , pleasure and pain is a two - way street . He 's either in this with me or he 's not , but at the end of the day , I won 't let him boss me around . Laramie Briscoe is the best - selling author of the Heaven Hill Series & the Rockin ' Country Series . Since self - publishing her first book in May of 2013 , Laramie Briscoe has published over 10 books . She 's appeared on the Top 100 Bestselling E - books Lists on iBooks , Amazon Kindle , Kobo , and Barnes & Noble . She 's been called " a very young Maya Banks " ( Amazon reviewer ) and her books have been accused of being " sexy , family - oriented , romances with heart " . When she 's not writing alpha males who seriously love their women , she loves spending time with friends , reading , and marathoning shows on her DVR . Married to her high school sweetheart , Laramie lives in Bowling Green , KY with her husband ( the Travel Coordinator ) and a sometimes crazy cat named Beau . As the owner of The Wicked Horse , an elite sex club located along the Vegas Strip , Jerico Jameson never spends the night alone . Gorgeous , ripped , and totally alpha , Jerico doesn 't grant favors and will rarely give you the time of day - unless he wants you in his bed . So when the sister of his sworn enemy shows up asking for help , saying no should be easy . But when Jerico takes one look at her and sees an opportunity to help this beautiful woman while exacting revenge on her brother , he 's not about to pass that up . Beaten and bruised , Trista Barnes is running out of options , and Jerico is her last chance to get out of the mess she 's in . She doesn 't know why Jerico despises her brother so much , but as long as he can help her , she doesn 't care . Jerico offers her safety while opening her up to a sinful world she never knew existed . As she succumbs to Jerico 's erotic charm , Trista lets herself fall into the wicked world of guilt free pleasure with no regrets . Under his strong alpha hand , she blooms , and so does Jerico 's possessiveness . But what happens when Trista finds out she was a pawn in Jerico 's game all along , and that the price for his favor was steeper than she ever imagined - her heart . Wicked Favor is the first book in her spin off series … . Wicked Horse Vegas . This series is linked to her original Wicked Horse Series , but are completely separate and the first series does not need to be read first . I will warn you that this book will definitely make you blush . If you aren 't a fan of threesomes or exhibitionism then you might want to pass on this book . Sawyer definitely explores the wilder side of sex in this book . I will say that I did find this book to be enjoyable , but it wasn 't my favorite book by this author . I have read many of her books including some of the Wicked Horse series and for some reason this one was as good as the others to me . I think my biggest problem with this story was Jerico ( the Hero ) . I had a hard time connecting with him for most of the story . He wasn 't your typical Sawyer Bennett swoony Hero . He was a little to rough around the edges for my liking . Now as the story went on , we did get to see the softer side of Jerico and that was when the story started to turn around for me . And that 's why I truly gave this book 4 stars . This book has an enemies to lovers type feel to it , but with a different spin to it . As always the storyline was interesting and kept my intrigued throughout . I thought the flow and pace of the story was well written . I also really liked Trista as the heroine . I thought she was the perfect mixture of innocence and strength . The Wicked Horse was a whole new world for her , so that was where her nativity came in , but she was also strong enough to stand up for herself and what she wanted . I loved watching her spread her wings and learning to accept her naughty side 😉 In this story we also meet Kynan ( Jerico 's bff and business partner ) . Now he is a Hero I could get behind . I loved him from the beginning and I hope we get a story for him . She disappears for a moment , and then opens the door wider . I see she 's carrying a large , plastic container that 's dome shaped and has a handle on top . My eyes only flick to it briefly before coming back to her . She 's much better to look at . Shutting the door behind her , she walks up to my desk with a goofy grin on her face and sets the plastic container in front of me . I look down at it , and then up to her . " What 's that ? " I push out of my chair and wave a hand at the cake . " You just happened to have all these ingredients , huh ? You routinely use something as odd as mascarpone ? " She follows me through the door as I balance the cake on my hand . I immediately lay it down on my kitchen counter and spin around just as she 's walking through the door , taking her face in my hands and walking right into her . My mouth hits hers . She gives a huff of surprise as I turn slightly and back her into the refrigerator . Angling my head , I kiss her deeply . It 's possible because she angles hers the other way , opening her mouth to give me entrance . The grin that breaks wide is my answer , followed by another swift kiss . Then I 'm turning away from her and grabbing a fork out of my drawer . Without any pomp , and certainly no circumstance to wait for a plate , I punch my fork down into the top of the cake and pull a huge chunk out . " Oh , my God . " Trista giggles as she comes to stand beside me at the counter . I angle toward her as I bring the fork to my lips , open my mouth wide , and shove the cake in . Cheeks bulging and the taste of rich cake and lightly sweet , tangy frosting coating my tongue , I groan in satisfaction . Our eyes stay locked as I chew and chew and chew , and finally swallow the heaven in my mouth . Trista 's eyes are sparkling with humor and a bit of pride . She beams a brilliant smile as she sets the cake carrier on the counter and turns toward the door that leads back into my office . " You 're welcome . Now … I 've got to get going . " But I 'd never begrudge her time with Jolene and Corinne . Their unity right now is extremely important . I do pull her into me and wrap my arms around her waist after throwing the fork into the sink . Trista 's hands come to my chest as she looks up at me curiously . Sawyer likes her Bloody Marys strong , her martinis dirty , and her heroes a combination of the two . When not bringing fictional romance to life , Sawyer is a chauffeur , stylist , chef , maid , and personal assistant to a very active toddler , as well as full - time servant to two adorably naughty dogs . She believes in the good of others , and that a bad day can be cured with a great work - out , cake , or a combination of the two . WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | TWITTER | BOOKBUB | AMAZON AUTHOR PAGE | INSTAGRAM Posted by Jennifer Harried & filed under All Reviews , Jennifer H 's reviews , New Releases , Tours and Blitzes , Uncategorized . This post has no comments yet . June 6 , 2017 Overall I really liked this novella . I thought it was a good mix of humor , romance and steam . Although it was fairly predictable when it came to the direction the story went I still found it satisfying . I enjoyed the writing style and the pace and flow of the book worked well . I look forward to reading more books from this author . As I said earlier this novella is part of Kendall Ryan the Imperfect Love World and I thought it was a great addition . This is not a series and each book is a standalone but we do get a tie in with Kendall 's Hitched Series . I enjoyed seeing Rosie and Noah in this story . No you don 't have to read those books to enjoy this one , it 's just that if you have you 'll appreciate the cameos of Noah and Rosie . This story the focus is on Chris and Mary . Chris is a PR rep who works for Tate & Cane and is trying to get a promotion . So when his boss offers him lead on their newest client he is thrilled . The client being the famous actress Mary James . Mary made a fatal mistake in her career all to make an ex jealous and it completely backfired on her . Now she needs to revamp her reputation to try and get some acting jobs . Will Chris be able to help Mary ? ? What happens when they realize real feelings are starting to play into things ? ? Can they have their HEA ? ? Read this sweet story to find out . Kyle Drake was smart , experienced , and probably just as good , if not better , in negotiations . And if she wasn 't careful , prove he could do the job without her . Add in good - looking and an incredibly sexy smooth talker , and everyone in the office either wanted to be him or sleep with him . Which Sarah could have totally ignored if he hadn 't been the stranger she 'd married in Vegas during a fake ceremony six months earlier . He was supposed to be her one - night stand , a stand - in for a ceremony that wasn 't even legally binding . They were never even going to see each other again . Hell , she apparently hadn 't even known his real last name at the time . It was the only time she 'd ever done something completely reckless and spontaneous . THE RUN IN - KELLY ELLIOTT Becoming the new Marketing Manager at Tate and Cane was a game changer . I was hell bent on proving I deserved this job , and that it wasn 't my cousin Sterling Quinn who had helped me score the new job title . Him being one of the CEO 's best friend - didn 't help the rumors . I enjoyed this story but it also frustrated me to no end ! ! This to me was not a normal Kelly Elliott story . Now that isn 't all bad but what I didn 't like about it was that I had a hard time connecting to the Hero . He wasn 't like her normal Heroes and I wanted to junk punch him on many occasions . I loved the forbidden storyline of Boss / Employee office romance . But I think this story had way to much angst and sexual tension for my liking . It made the ending a little too hard to believe … in my opinion . I also didn 't like Mason 's behavior for most of the story . I have to say I think Saylor ( the heroine ) truly saved this book for me . I loved her character . She was strong , independent and sassy ! ! She knew how to stand up for herself and put her Boss in his place . I also loved that the majority of this story takes place at Tate & Cane . Since both Mason and Saylor work for that company . It was great to see Olivia Tate ( Noah 's wife from Hitched series ) in this story . With that being said , the Hitched series or The Fix Up do not have to be read to enjoy this story . You 'll just understand who these other characters are that are mentioned in the story if you have already read the other books . Of course there were choices . But the word annulment meant giving her up , and I never give up anything . Still , I was a bachelor at heart , and having a wife , well , I didn 't really know what to do with that . Now I have thirty days to prove to my new wife that I 'm husband material . There 's only one problem - I don 't even know what husband material means . However , I 'm certain that won 't stop me from excelling at it . First , there 's my jealousy . It needs to be tamed . Did I flip over the fact that her latest picture was causing men around the world to do dirty things all over the covers she graced ? Hell , yes . I couldn 't help myself though . When her photo went viral , my caveman instincts kicked in , and I demanded she quit her job and stay home - barefoot and pregnant in my kitchen . I can work on that , right ? Then there 's my mother . I need to convince her that my new wife is not the money hungry floozy she called her . Did my mother actually call her that ? Yes . I can 't help it that my mother wants me to get rid of my new wife . The problem is what my mother wants , she always gets one way or another . Still , turning my mother 's opinion around can 't be that hard , can it ? Tied is a standalone novella told in Dual POV . It 's an opposites attract kind of story . We meet and follow James and Lindsay in this story . James is from a very well off family and Lindsay has had to work her way to where she is today . James sees Lindsay in a club one night and is determined to get her into his bed . They hit off and when his friends all take a overnight trip to Vegas he asks Lindsay to go too . She of course says yes … and what happens then doesn 't stay in Vegas . Can two people from completely different worlds make a life together ? ? What happens when family and pasts cause complications for the couple ? ? Will they get their HEA ? ? Read this fun and sexy story to find out . I loved that we also get to see a glimpse of Noah Tate in this story . Noah is actually James 's cousin . I am finding it great how these books are connecting together . Don 't get me wrong … NO other book needs to be read before reading Tied . You 'll just appreciate the cameo of Noah if you have read the Hitched series by Kendall Ryan . So if you are a fan of Kim Karr 's work then you will want to read this gem of a book . The characters are lovable and the storyline is entertaining . If you have a couple hours to spare , you should definitely pick this novella up . Battle of the Sexes Adriana Locke Carver Jones ' partner at Jones + Gallum had to step down for medical reasons . He 's absolutely devastated . He swears . Just ignore his cheeky grin , okay ? Jones squashes men in the business industry flat . A woman ? Pfst . He 'll be completely in charge in no time , doing whatever he wants . He 's so ready for this . But is he ready to fight the hardest fight of his life ? No , not the one to maintain control of his company . The one to keep control of his heart . Niall A non - existent love life , unstable paycheck , and a six - year - old who 'd rather hit boys than books sound more like a cry for help than a dating profile . On paper , it would seem like I need a life coach , but I 've managed to get a decent grip on the single - dad thing . My love life , on the other hand , is an entirely different story . With my sexy Irish accent , I should have women of all ages losing their minds , but I seem to attract only a certain type - crazy . The last thing I want is a new relationship , but I need a date for my company 's charity function . A chance meeting with a tall , leggy blonde who looks like she could use a night out is the perfect solution . Beautiful , sane , and she has a kid ? We have a winner . I didn 't count on Laken being unforgettable . Unlike all the other fake women I 've met in this city , she 's real . And if there 's one thing I value more than anything , it 's honesty . Laken I didn 't bust my ass in college to be a nanny . Unfortunately , a 4 . 0 GPA and sucking up to the owner 's sister did nothing to secure a coveted Tate & Cane Enterprises internship . I 'm not proud of being a nanny - for - hire to get my foot in the door , but my wealthy socialite employer has the ears of company executives . Swallowing my pride , I do what I need to - until an afternoon at the park changes everything . I don 't mean to let him think Preston is my kid , but he just assumes . This isn 't me . I 'm not a liar . Although his panty - melting accent does unspeakable things to me , I should set the record straight . There 's only one problem . Niall is a freelance photographer for Tate & Cane and invites me to a company event as his plus - one . He 's my " in . " If I can hold on to this charade long enough , I can get the job and the man of my dreams . I 'm winging this completely unsupervised . Game on . Fannin McGuire is up for promotion at Tate and Cane Enterprises , but first she has to make it through her stepsister 's wedding . To Fannin 's ex . Yep . Her ex - fiancé is about to be her new brother - in - law . One big happy family . And lucky her , she also gets to work with him . While Fannin is putting all of her energy into her career , her ex is putting all of his energy into making her life hell . Just when Fannin is sure she 'll be attending the wedding without a plus one , in walks Jasper James to save the day . He 's the bartender at the Iron Flask , the account she 's trying to land , and everything she didn 't know she needed or wanted . Before Fannin knows what 's happening , Jasper is playing knight in shining armor and she likes it . And him . A lot . With his smooth Scottish accent , ridiculously good looks , and that beard ? She doesn 't stand a chance . Jasper isn 't in the habit of rescuing anyone . But when Fannin is confronted by her ex about her lack of a date for his upcoming nuptials , Jasper can 't help but step in . Her wild hair , violet eyes , and killer legs have him doing a few things he normally wouldn 't . Never mind that he shouldn 't be getting involved with the woman in charge of making the bar a global success . CHEEKY by Natasha Madison Bradley Fitch has it all . A suave job , a gigantic trust fund , and an accent that makes panties drop faster than the speed of light . His new life in New York City is fast - paced and furious , but it 's nothing a little getaway can 't cure . Lexi Quinn fell in love with Bradley at eight years old and then vowed to kill him at eight and a half . What was supposed to be a romantic week away is turning into a nightmare . Her ex is actually married , her luggage is lost , and her reservation is cancelled . And she 's sitting next to the man she swore to hate forever Cheeky is my first book by Natasha Madison and I know I will continue to read her work after finishing this book . What a great addition to Kendall 's Imperfect Love World . I think this is my favorite of this collection of novellas . Cheeky was the perfect mix of forbidden love , humor , romance , and sass . Oh and don 't forget the spice 😉 Whew … don 't read this book while in public . It will have you blushing and wishing for a fan . I loved this author writing style . She gave us an entertaining storyline and wonderful characters you will fall in love with . It also didn 't hurt that we got to see Sterling ( from The Fix Up by Kendall Ryan ) in this story . This is a standalone novella and The Fix Up does NOT need to be read first , but trust me after meeting him in Cheeky you will want to meet Sterling . The flow and pace of this story was perfect . We get the speed of a novella but the content of a full length novel . This book truly wasn 't lacking for anything . As I said Cheeky is a standalone novella told from Dual POV . It is a friends to lovers but also a forbidden love story , because Bradley is the Best Friend of Lexi 's Brother Sterling . I loved how these two characters interacted with each other . Their friendly banter was quick witted and funny . But I also felt the chemistry these two shared . Bradley and Lexi definitely know how to melt a kindle 😉 So what happens when you go to Vegas and what happens there doesn 't stay there ? ? Find out how Lexi and Bradley handle the situation . This book will have you laughing , blushing and falling in love with these characters . I would 100 % recommend this book to everyone who is a fan of friends to lovers with a hint of the forbidden . I know I can 't wait to read more books by this author . Don 't miss out on this gem of a story ! ! ! ! A New York Times , Wall Street Journal , and USA Today bestselling author of more than two dozen titles , Kendall Ryan has sold over 2 million books and her books have been translated into several languages in countries around the world . Her books have also appeared on the New York Times and USA Today bestseller lists more than three dozen times . Ryan has been featured in such publications as USA Today , Newsweek , and InTouch Magazine . She lives in Texas with her husband and two sons . Posted by Jennifer Harried & filed under All Reviews , Favorites , Jennifer H 's reviews , New Releases , Tours and Blitzes , Uncategorized . This post has no comments yet . June 5 , 2017 past . I just hoped I could . DC Renee is a financial analyst by day , and an indie author by night . She 's been writing since she was a child , from poems to short stories , even fan fictions . She published her first book in March of 2014 , and it hit the Amazon top 100 list in Contemporary Romance Fiction several times . Naturally , she loves to read ! She also loves spending time with her hubby and their new baby girl , as well as her immediate family ( in - laws included ! ) . She speaks Russian fluently , and it might come with the territory , but she loves watching hockey . Go Kings ! DC is really thankful for all the support she receives from her family , friends and most of all her readers and fans . She hopes you enjoy her books as much as she enjoys writing them . Posted by Jennifer Harried & filed under Cover Love , Pre - Orders , Tours and Blitzes , Uncategorized . This post has no comments yet . June 5 , 2017 As the owner of The Wicked Horse , an elite sex club located along the Vegas Strip , Jerico Jameson never spends the night alone . Gorgeous , ripped , and totally alpha , Jerico doesn 't grant favors and will rarely give you the time of day - unless he wants you in his bed . So when the sister of his sworn enemy shows up asking for help , saying no should be easy . But when Jerico takes one look at her and sees an opportunity to help this beautiful woman while exacting revenge on her brother , he 's not about to pass that up . Beaten and bruised , Trista Barnes is running out of options , and Jerico is her last chance to get out of the mess she 's in . She doesn 't know why Jerico despises her brother so much , but as long as he can help her , she doesn 't care . Jerico offers her safety while opening her up to a sinful world she never knew existed . As she succumbs to Jerico 's erotic charm , Trista lets herself fall into the wicked world of guilt free pleasure with no regrets . Under his strong alpha hand , she blooms , and so does Jerico 's possessiveness . But what happens when Trista finds out she was a pawn in Jerico 's game all along , and that the price for his favor was steeper than she ever imagined - her heart . The most important and pleasing thing was that Trista 's stopped hiding her sexual curiosity . When she first started working here , she looked around a room in a vague way , not taking in too many details . I think she was afraid to watch . Now , Trista watches what the patrons are doing . Sometimes , she stares for long moments and much to my delight , the kinkier the acts , the longer she stares . My trained eyes take in her chest rising and falling to keep up with what I 'm sure was a racing pulse . She 'd adjust the straps covering her breasts in a very minute way either because the pressure on her nipples was too much , or because she wanted to create some friction . Trista was getting braver too . She never once took any man up on an offer to join , and there had been some I 'd seen . I had told her she could if business was slow , but I also made a spectacle in front of Willis that she was off limits . Perhaps Trista thinks she 's off limits to everyone , and it 's fine by me if she wants to think that . Sawyer likes her Bloody Marys strong , her martinis dirty , and her heroes a combination of the two . When not bringing fictional romance to life , Sawyer is a chauffeur , stylist , chef , maid , and personal assistant to a very active toddler , as well as full - time servant to two adorably naughty dogs . She believes in the good of others , and that a bad day can be cured with a great work - out , cake , or a combination of the two . WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | TWITTER | BOOKBUB | AMAZON AUTHOR PAGE | INSTAGRAM Posted by Jennifer Harried & filed under New Releases , Tours and Blitzes , Uncategorized . This post has no comments yet . June 2 , 2017 She 's the one I love … but wanting Claudia is wrong . She 's been like a little sister to me since the day she was born . Now , everything between us is changing - including the special bond we 've always shared . It 's stronger than ever … and becoming something so different . Something so hot . Something so forbidden . For years , I was nothing more than one of the boys to him . Owen 's little sister . The pest who tagged along everywhere the boys went . But now , everything has changed . I 've grown up and it 's time Bram sees me for what I am . A woman . A sexual being who wants him . A virgin more than ready to give herself to him . Sweet Torment is a standalone novella told in Dual POV . It 's a forbidden Friends to lovers story . What makes this story forbidden is the age difference between Claudia and Bram . I love that it felt natural between these two friends and that Georgia waited until Claudia was of legal age . She made Bram a responsible male which is truly refreshing for a 23 year old Hero . So what happens when you fall for your Best Friends little sister and she isn 't quite 18 yet ? ? Well read Sweet Torment to see how Bram and Claudia handle it . This was a sweet , sexy and entertaining Friends to lovers story . It 's a quick read but it lacked for nothing . I thought the storyline was well thought out and the characters were very well developed . The flow and pace of this story was spot on . Even though this is a novella , nothing was rushed . " Duke ! " I turn when I hear Claudia squeal my special nickname . One look is all it takes . I no longer have to wonder what Rivers meant . Claudia 's thick , dark hair is longer . She 's always worn it in braids or slicked back into a ponytail through the hole in the back of her ball cap , but tonight it 's hanging in loose curls . Long , lush eyelashes surround aquamarine magnets - the same eyes I 've seen no less than a million times , but I can 't stop staring at them . It 's as though I 'm seeing them for the first time . The red top she 's wearing is sexy as fuck - - one of those where it comes up and around the neck , leaving her shoulders and back completely exposed . Damn , damn , daaamn . Her perky tits and protruding nipples look like nothing less than perfection pressing against the thin fabric . I was six when she was born ; I 've known this girl all her life and most of mine . Since the time she could walk , she spent her days chasing Owen , Rivers , and me . Always slower . Always weaker . Always so soft , sweet , and delicate . She 'd have chosen death over admitting a single one of those facts back in the day . But we didn 't care . She was Owen 's baby sister . That was then and this is now . And our little Claud isn 't so little anymore . She rushes toward me and leaps into my arms , same as she has for years , with her legs wrapped around me . But this time feels different . My dick immediately recognizes the changes in her , too . The fucker spasms and comes to full attention when her body collides with mine . No , no , no . Every thought going through my head about her right now is wrong . So many kinds of wrong . This is our little Claud . My best friend 's baby sister . Not some random chick I 'll bang and abandon before morning . Still wrapped around me , she holds my shoulders and leans away so we 're face to face . So close I could kiss her . " I 've missed you so much . I 'm very upset with you for staying away so long . " " I know … but you didn 't come back to see me . Not even once . " Her pouty bottom lip protrudes and it reminds me of the face she used to make as a child when she wanted her way . Except this time it 's hot as fuck . I want to suck that lip into my mouth . Maybe even bite it . She slides down my body and her crotch rubs my cock - no , make that my hardening cock . I will it to stop but it 's a dick . It can 't not respond to the touch of a woman . Especially when that woman is this hot . When she 's not writing , she 's thinking about writing . When she 's being domestic , she 's listening to her music and visualizing scenes for her current work in progress . Every story coming from her always has a song to inspire it . Posted by Jennifer Harried & filed under All Reviews , Favorites , Jennifer H 's reviews , New Releases , Tours and Blitzes , Uncategorized . This post has no comments yet . ← Previous12345 … 186Next →
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I have a confession to make . I own this book and the next in the series , but I have not yet read them despite finding the cover and the blurb great . So shame on me . Anyway , I love the historical fiction and I love it when its mix in magic or in any way change history . This book looks marvelous . I have read a short novella and loved it and I 'm looking forward to getting to this book and read it . . . ( in 2017 perhaps ) Suddenly , he faces another conjurer of enormous power , someone unknown , who is part of a conspiracy that reaches to the highest levels of power in the turbulent colony . His adversary has already killed - and not for his own gain , but in the service of his powerful masters , people for whom others are mere pawns in a game of politics and power . Ethan is in way over his head , and he knows it . Already a man with a dark past , he can ill afford to fail , lest his livelihood be forfeit . But he can 't stop now , for his magic has marked him , so he must fight the odds , even though he seems hopelessly overmatched , his doom seeming certain at the spectral hands of one he cannot even see THE WOMAN : Kidnapped by the Apaches , a Mexican woman learns the healing arts . Stolen by the Utes , she is sold and traded until she ends up with the Piikáni . All she has left are her skills - and her honor . What price will she pay to ensure a lasting place among the People ? THE LAND : After centuries of conflict , Náápiikoan traders approach the Piikáni , powerful members of the Blackfoot Confederation . The Piikáni already have horses and weapons , but they are promised they will become rich if they agree to trap beaver for Náápiikoan . Will the People trade their beliefs for the White Man 's bargains ? " When we read NAAPIIKOAN WINTER our hearts were swept back in time . Alethea Williams writes with the same authority and beauty that A . B Guthrie , Bernard de Voto , Wallace Stegner , and Conrad Richter imparted to the page . We marveled at the quality of her research , and the precision with which Williams recreated the world of the Blackfeet at the time of white contact . Find the first page , dear reader , and you 'll fall effortlessly into a long - gone world filled with both the noblest of humans , and the dross that always follows . This is no Western romance , but the nitty - gritty reality of the Northern Plains . We call NAAPIIKOAN WINTER masterful ! " - W . Michael Gear and Kathleen O ' Neal Gear , authors of PEOPLE OF THE MORNING STAR Alethea Williams grew up in southwest Wyoming . Willow Vale is her first novel of the immigrant experience , dealing with the Tyroleans after WWI . Willow Vale won a 2012 Wyoming State Historical Society Publications Award . Her second novel details the Irish immigrant experience and the Orphan Train movement in Walls for the Wind . Walls for the Wind is a WILLA Literary Award finalist , a gold Will Rogers Medallion winner , and placed first at the Laramie Awards in the Prairie Fiction category . Her third book , a Western American pre - history spanning the North American continent , entitled Náápiikoan Winter is now available . Ja , vad hände egentligen med Coco ? Blev hon kidnappad , försvann hon , eller ligger någon av gästerna i huset vid försvinnandet bakom det ? Det är några av frågorna jag grubblade över medan jag läste boken . Det är en mörk bok , men inte så mörk som jag hade förväntat mig , mycket pga . av att människorna i boken är så avskyvärda att jag inte förvånades över avslöjanden som kom fram i boken . Boken verkligen kändes som om en studie i människors värsta beteende . Från de som var vidriga i sin hela personlighet till de som med ett falsk leende kunde ljuga och manipulera omgivningen . Kort sagt , jag blev inte så överraskad över vändningarna i storyn pga av att jag redan misstänkte att de flesta människorna i boken var genomruttna och kunde begå vilka som helst brott . De enda som vann sympati var systrarna Ruby och Milly samt Claire när man började känna henne lite mer . The Darkest Secret is the first book I have read by Alex Marwood and it won 't be the last . I love dark psychological thrillers and the book was interesting to read . A little girl goes missing and twelve years later her twin sister is questioning her older sister on the way to their father 's funeral . What really happened to Coco ? Was she kidnapped , did she disappear or is someone among the guests in the house at the time behind it all ? That 's some of the questions I was wondering about as I read the book . It 's a dark book , just not as dark as I excepted it to be . Most of the people in this book are so rotten that I just didn 't get surprised by the revelations that were revealed as I read the book . It felt like reading a study on human behavior , and the worst kind . All from those that have a disgusting personality to those that with a false smile could lie and manipulate everyone around them . In short , I never really got surprised when the story took a twist because I already suspected that most of the people in the book were bad to the bone and could commit any kind of crimes . The only people I found some sympathy for was the sisters Ruby and Milly and later on Claire when one got to know her better . London , 1813 . The vicious decapitation of Stanley Preston , a wealthy , socially ambitious plantation owner , at Bloody Bridge draws Sebastian St . Cyr , Viscount Devlin , into a macabre and increasingly perilous investigation . The discovery near the body of an aged lead coffin strap bearing the inscription King Charles , 1648 suggests a link between this killing and the beheading of the deposed seventeenth - century Stuart monarch . Equally troubling , the victim 's kinship to the current Home Secretary draws the notice of Sebastian 's powerful father - in - law , Lord Jarvis , who will exploit any means to pursue his own clandestine ends . Working in concert with his fiercely independent wife , Hero , Sebastian finds his inquiries taking him from the wretched back alleys of Fish Street Hill to the glittering ballrooms of Mayfair as he amasses a list of suspects who range from an eccentric Chelsea curiosity collector to the brother of an unassuming but brilliantly observant spinster named Jane Austen . But as one brutal murder follows another , it is the connection between the victims and ruthless former army officer Sinclair , Lord Oliphant , that dramatically raises the stakes . Once , Oliphant nearly destroyed Sebastian in a horrific wartime act of carnage and betrayal . Now the vindictive former colonel might well pose a threat not only to Sebastian but to everything - and everyone - Sebastian holds most dear . With this book have I now read all the books published in the Sebastian St . Cyr series and this is the first one that I have not read in order since I waited for it to be published in paperback and manage to get an ARC of the book that comes after this one and read it some months before this book . I did not mind that terrible , love this series and , despite knowing some things before I read this book did I find the book just as excellent as the rest of the books in the series . I can without a doubt , say that this is one of my favorite series . I love historical mysteries and each book in this series has interesting cases mixed with Sebastian 's own search for his mother and true father . Now he is also a father , and his wife 's father is his arch nemesis which of course makes family life a bit difficult . Then again , his sister already resents him for being a bastard and still standing in line for inheriting the family title . It 's not easy for him , and he has a tendency to find trouble . And , this time , he must solve the case of a headless body . The case is interesting and I enjoy that Harris has added Jane Austen and her brother to the story . It was hilarious sometimes with everyone around Sebastian 's reading this new popular book with an unknown writer . And , the daughter of the murdered man was some years earlier persuaded to not marry a sea captain . Brilliant move from Harris side ! I think even those that haven 't read the previous books will enjoy this book . However , I would definitely recommend a new reader to start from the beginning ! Set in 1960s and ' 70s Australia , The Blood on My Hands is the dramatic tale of Shannon 's childhood years , growing up under the shadow of horrific domestic violence , sexual and physical abuse , and serial murder . Her story is one of courageous resilience in the face of unimaginable horrors . The responses of those whom Shannon and her immediate family reached out to for help are almost as disturbing as the crimes of her violent father . No one , not even the authorities , would help them . Relatives were afraid to bring disgrace to the family 's good name , nuns condemned the child 's objections as disobedience and noncompliance , and laws at the time prevented the police from interfering unless someone was killed . The Blood on My Hands is a heartbreaking - yet riveting - narrative of a childhood spent in pain and terror , betrayed by the people who are supposed to provide safety and understanding . The strength it took for Shannon to not just survive and escape from her father , but to flourish , heal , and triumph over the trauma she endured as a child is both powerful and moving . " I used pseudonyms in the book order to protect my family . He was never charged despite the police knowing about his activity . The police investigations were case files and are not available to the public . People outside Australia would not be aware that many of the missing person files in NSW in the 1960s and 70s disappeared under one of the governments of the time ( there are only about 6 files for the 1960s ) , " says O ' Leary . I have felt the cold steel of a gun in my mouth and against my temple . I have tasted warm blood on my lips and witnessed horrific scenes of mutilation , where nameless people took their last breaths . In my life , I have experienced poverty , met people who had plenty , and lived through fire , floods , and drought . I have befriended the intellectually challenged and physically impaired and have known the mentally ill and misfits who were geniuses . I also assumed anonymity with my mother and brothers without people realizing we had disappeared . In my youth I was exposed to many facets of raw emotion . I 've seen a living heart , beating and pulsating for its last time ; seen broken fingers tossed in the wind ; and watched a severed head dance . Tormented by recurring memories , I have chosen to write this book and put these ghosts to rest . I first contemplated suicide at the age of four . I devised my death plan down to the very last detail but never had the courage to see it through to completion . Instead , my mother 's face would keep interceding , begging me to stay alive . Faced with the fact that I could not inflict my death upon her , I 'd pray for miraculous intervention . During hysterical bouts of entreaty , I would beg Jesus to strike us dead at exactly the same moment so that neither of us would feel the pain of enforced separation or the prolonged agony of death . As a child , I dreamed of better things to come and lived in spiritualistic hope that one day my world would change . I thought my trauma was normal and didn 't know what other families experienced . I thought fear , sad - ness , and horror were just the by - products of a barely tolerable childhood . My self - esteem was nonexistent , and after a while I sought approval through the creative arts . I loved to sing , and as my voice was strong , I sang to cover my feelings of inadequacy and desolation . To me , music represented true happiness , a make - believe world where I could cling to melodious sounds instead of the tortured screaming of my nightmares . As an adult , I have felt exhilaration when audiences clapped and called my name . At the same time , I have felt myself torn in two , experiencing the immobilizing fear of personal exposure when not protected by the proscenium arch of a stage . When I present myself without camouflage or without a scripted character to protect me , my gut wrenches itself into a catatonic knot , an all - enveloping state of fear . If I feel I am being examined on a personal level , my arms and legs become frozen , and I feel my soul moving toward automatic pilot . I smile and behave in the correct manner , but I 'm mentally blank and devoid of all feeling . I know what it 's like to be branded , to be labeled , and to work within the confines of a title . As a child I was called brilliant , genius , a child prodigy , and a precocious little troublemaker . I was also called an actress , Praise : " The confusion , uncertainty , and sickening foreboding ring true and offer vital insights into the experience of abuse , including the fact that victims had few options , especially in the 1960s . " - Kirkus Reviews " The work is crisp and painfully honest , moving from scene to scene both artfully and factually . Both the mundane and the impossible are treated with equal care , masterfully knitting together the various pieces of O ' Leary 's tormented past . " - Red City Review " The Blood on My Hands is a powerful , dark memoir … This is a story that is going to remain in my mind for a long time . " - 4 Stars , Readers ' Favorite " Once I picked this up I could not put it down , I needed to see how they got away from the monster who called himself their father , who called himself a husband . " - Sarah on Goodreads " I thoroughly enjoyed this book despite the subject matter and hope it manages to help at least one child know that it gets better , life gets better . " - 5 Stars , Sarah Purdy Shannon O ' Leary is a prolific writer and performer . She is the author of several books of poetry and children 's stories , and she has won many awards for song - writing . Shannon has acted and directed on the stage and on Australian national TV , and she runs her own production company . But life in Ceylon is not what Gwen expected . The plantation workers are resentful , the neighbours treacherous . And there are clues to the past - a dusty trunk of dresses , an overgrown gravestone in the grounds - that her husband refuses to discuss . I buddy read this book with Erin , Stephanie , and Heather ! The Tea Planter 's Wife is about a young woman named Gwen who arrives in Ceylon to start her new life as a married woman to a tea planter named Laurence who is a widower . But , before we get to met Gwen is there a prolog about a woman with a small child and I wondered what the woman would have for connections to the story . As I stated above did I buddy read this with some friends of mine and that was an interesting experience with us discussed the chapters we had read once every week . But , somewhere along the way the story just didn 't move forward at a pleasant pace and suddenly a break in reading and discussing the book happened and weeks passed and we just didn 't read more . Then I decided that enough is enough , now I will finish the book . So , I 'm looking forward to seeing what my friends think about the rest of the books . For me , I was happy to get answers at last , but I still felt that the book story didn 't really work for me and my biggest problem was that I never really cared for most of the characters in the book . Gwen just never become an interesting character , and I was constantly irritated by her attitude towards her sister - in - law Verity . And , at the same time , I found Verity highly annoying . So I was constantly frustrated with them both . And , then we have Laurence , Gwen 's husband , and to be honest , he was quite dull and even the " mystery " with his dead wife felt a bit dull . The only characters I did like was Gwen 's cousin Fran , but she was hardly in the book . For me , this book just didn 't work . It never really got surprising or engrossing enough to make me truly enjoy the book and the last part of the book I finished just because I had been reading the book so long that I wanted finally to get it off my reading list . I did like it enough to finish the book and I did enjoy part of the book . But , I think the book would have worked better if I had found the characters more likable or at least more interesting . I want to thank The Crown Publishing Group for providing me with a free copy through Edelweiss ! Upplagd av As she heads back to shore she realizes that he is not behind her and that nobody at the party remembers him . Crystal can 't seem to shake Llyr from her mind and returns to the beach in the hope of meeting him again . When she finally does , she realizes there may be more truth to the ramblings of the island folk than she thought . Josie is a 31 year - old writer from London . Her Salt Kisses books became popular on Wattpad , and are now also serialised on Radish Fiction . A Thousand Salt Kisses is her third book . - Giveaway ends at 11 : 59pm EST on July 8th . You must be 18 or older to enter . - Giveaway is open to US residents only . - Only one entry per household . - All giveaway entrants agree to be honest and not cheat the systems ; any suspect of fraud is decided upon by blog / site owner and the sponsor , and entrants may be disqualified at our discretion - Winner has 48 hours to claim prize or new winner is chosen When Paul Fiore disappeared from Isabel Grayling 's life , he told himself it was for all the right reasons . She was young and innocent , and he was her millionaire father 's lowly employee . Three years on , Paul is the FBI agent assigned to Isabel 's case . Too late , he realizes what life in her Texas mansion was really like back then - and how much damage he did when he left . Once love - struck and sheltered , Isabel has become an assistant district attorney committed to serving the law , no matter how risky it gets . But right now , the man she can 't forgive is the one thing standing between her and a deadly stalker . She knows Paul won 't hesitate to protect her life with his own . But if she can 't trust herself to resist him , how can she trust him not to break her heart all over again ? Paul was going through the process of applying to the FBI 's elite Hostage Rescue Team . He had a friend who was a sniper in one of the two units , and he hoped that his skills and his physical condition would qualify him for one of the openings . It was going to be a long shot . He was in his midthirties . He 'd be competing against guys in their twenties , in much better physical shape than he was , with better weapon skills . But he couldn 't stay in San Antonio and risk running into Is abel , as he certainly would if he continued as a special agent . It wasn 't something that his heart could bear . The rigors of training , and the adrenaline rush of standing on ready night and day for assignments in the exclusive HRT would keep him from brooding too much . Jon Blackhawk was less than enthusiastic about his plans . " You 're one of the best agents I 've ever worked with , " Jon told him with genuine feeling . " I hate to lose you . " " Hey , I might not even get to apply , " Paul said , chuckling . " They don 't pick just anybody for the application process . " " You 'd have a good shot at it , if that 's what you really want to do , " he added . " You should talk to Garon Grier . He was with HRT for several years . " " I 'd forgotten that , " Paul said . Jon nodded . " The guys who were on his former team came to the hospital when his wife was about to give birth . She had a leaky heart valve and didn 't tell him . Her life was al most taken by a serial killer when she was a little over eight months pregnant . She lived against all the odds . " " I 'd heard a little about him , but nothing that personal . Poor guy . He seems happy enough now . " " A wife , a son , a good job and a ranch in Jacobsville . Not bad at all . " Paul knew what the other man was saying . He pretended not to understand . " Anything else in the pipe about Morris ? " he asked , changing the subject . " We got a tip from a guy who thought he saw him in a res taurant here in the city , " Jon replied . " All our violent - crime agents are leaning on theAbout Diana Palmer The prolific author of more than one hundred books , Diana Palmer got her start as a newspaper reporter . A New York Times bestselling author and voted one of the top ten romance writers in America , she has a gift for telling the most sensual tales with charm and humor . Diana lives with her family in Cornelia , Georgia . Deep in the jungle of Peru , where so much remains unknown , a black , skittering mass devours an American tourist whole . Thousands of miles away , an FBI agent investigates a fatal plane crash in Minneapolis and makes a gruesome discovery . Unusual seismic patterns register in a Kanpur , India earthquake lab , confounding the scientists there . During the same week , the Chinese government " accidentally " drops a nuclear bomb in an isolated region of its own country . As these incidents begin to sweep the globe , a mysterious package from South America arrives at a Washington , D . C . laboratory . Something wants out . The world is on the brink of an apocalyptic disaster . An ancient species , long dormant , is now very much awake . I want to think of myself of hardened when it comes to horror . There is just not much that can make me really uncomfortable . Sure books can be intense , but it seldom I really feel pure horror or discomfort . THE HATCHING made me really , really uncomfortable . Sure I wasn 't really frightened , although to be honest , there are some really nasty parts in this book . Let me put it this way ; do you suffer from arachnophobia ? Then , don 't read this book . I don 't like spiders , I don 't have a phobia . But , this book had some scenes that are really nasty that even I found hard to read . . . Vivas storasyster har köpt ett gammalt hus på landet , och där ska Viva tillbringa sommaren . Men huset får henne snart att känna sig illa till mods . För det finns historier om det här kråkslottet . Historier om en kvinna som kallades Silverhäxan och om två flickor som försvunnit spårlöst … Jag blev positivt överraskad över hur bra boken är , nu tillhör jag fel åldersgrupp , men jag tyckte boken var välskriven och intressant och till en viss mån spännande . För en person i rätt ålder så är boken troligtvis mycket spännande att läsa . Jag gillar Viva och hennes syster och jag fann mysteriet med huset bra , speciellt intressant var det att få reda på att boken har kopplingar till en tidigare bok ; Silverhäxan där My som nämns i denna bok har en stor roll . Det enda som jag tyckte var lite konstigt var hur lätt Tuve accepterade att det var något konstigt med huset . Jag hade inte varit lika lätt att övertyga som han var . I was pleased with the book 's story , despite being a bit too mold for the age group for this book . But , I thought the book was well - written and interesting and even a bit thrilling to read . For a person at the right age should this book probably be very thrilling to read . I liked Viva and her sister and I found the mystery with the Crow Castle really good . And , especially interesting was it to learn that this book has a connection to an earlier book ; The Silverwitch where My that is mentioned in this book has a large part in . The only thing I found a bit strange is how easy it was for Tuve , the neighbor 's son , to accept that there was something weird going on in the house . I would not have been as easy to convince as he was . Arden 's twin sister disappeared when she was eight years old . The last memory she has is of a golden car driving away with sisters in it . Not long after that the family packed up their belongings and moved away from Keokuk . Now almost 20 years have passed and she is back home in . Her father is dead and she has inherited Arrowood , the old family house . For Arden is it strange to be back home , the town isn 't as prosperous as it was before and her old home holds bittersweet memories . But , Ben and Lauren , old friends of her are still in town and perhaps she will finally find the answer to what happened to her sisters all those years ago . This is a book that I hoped would like . I have a weakness for mystery books and two long - lost twin sisters pique my interest . I was pleasantly surprised with not only liking the book , but loving it . Laura McHugh has written an incredibly compelling book that was hard to put down . The one that " I will only read a chapter turns into one hour or twp of reading ) . I was actually quite sad when the book ended , even though it ended perfectly . It was more like I had come to like Arden , Lauren , Ben , and Josh so much that I wanted to spend some more time with them . The mystery is intriguing , are Arden 's memories correct , she was only eight and she was a bit sick the day her sisters disappeared . Are the girls dead ? Or did someone just take them ? Could someone close by having taken them ? Someone that are still living in the town ? The questions are many and the book will , in the end , reveal the truth of what happened 20 years ago . I like that Laura McHugh didn 't add a love triangle into the story . I was a bit worried when Lauren met Ben and then Josh showed up that it would turn into a sappy love triangle . I hate it when that happens . Everything turned out just perfect , and I think one of the reasons I so enjoyed the book was the fact that the characters were so well - written . They felt normal with faults , even Courtney , the girl from Arden 's childhood who could have been written as a jealous overbearing bitch that would do anything to hang on to Ben felt OK as a character . The book was intense , sad and thrilling to read . I loved every minute of it ! This week 's Cover Crush caught my attention thanks to the font and the intriguing house n the background . I love ominous house book covers . And , the woman outside the gate , why is she standing there ? What is it with the house . So many questions to be answered . . . New York , January 1896 . Arthur Conan Doyle , the renowned created of Sherlock Holmes , arrives with his wife Louisa at the Britannic Hotel in New York for his first American tour . While Arthur prepares his lectures , Louisa becomes entranced by the vibrant , dangerous metropolis brimming with debauchery and iniquity around every corner . When a woman 's mutilated corpse turns up in a Bowery alley , Louisa recognizes the victim as someone she 's seen in the hotel . Obsessed with the woman 's gruesome death , Louisa starts piecing together clues to reveal a story of murder and depravity - - a story that leads back to the hotel itself and a madman who is watching her every move . From Fifth Avenue 's glitzy opulence to the smoky boy 's club of the New York Express and the Tombs of Lower Manhattan , Winter at Death 's Hotel is an electrifying tale of a society caught in the throes of a story transformation and one woman determined to redeem it at whatever cost . As Laurel Ridge embraces a stranger hungry for answers , a sinister truth is awakened A hard - hitting reporter , Kate Beaumont unearths the deepest lies and brings harsh truths to light . But the story that lures her to the gentle town of Laurel Ridge , Pennsylvania , is closer to her heart than anyone knows . The details of her half brother 's sudden death have never made sense . She owes him justice , yet the one man who can help her is the stubborn sheriff she can 't stand . Protecting his town is Mac Whiting 's top priority . Everything else - including pacifying a beautiful crusader on a mission best left resting in peace - is secondary . But as Kate 's search embeds her in his world and attracts a skilled criminal , she needs Mac 's protection . Drawn together by deadly secrets , they must find a way to trust each other before a killer silences them both . The few belongings Kate had brought with her were quickly unpacked and stowed away in the cottage . She slid a suitcase into the back of the bedroom closet to get it out of the way . The rest of her things had gone into storage in Baltimore . She hadn 't taken anything from Tom Reilley 's house except for Jason 's things . The rest had gone to a sale . The fewer reminders of life there , the better , as far as she was concerned . Jason had probably felt the same way when he 'd left his father 's house for the last time . It couldn 't have held too many happy memories for him . Although she hoped he might have cherished , as she did , the after - school hours they 'd spent at home together . Kate walked back into the living room . The cot tage was small and compact . The living room had just enough space for a television , sofa and chairs in one end and a bookcase and desk at the other , where she 'd immediately set up her computer . Jason would no doubt have set up in the same place . He couldn 't bear to be offline , and he wanted a laptop for gaming . If a person liked cottage style , the place was per fectly decorated , with cheerful chintz fabric on the fur niture , white end tables and Cape Cod curtains on the windows . There was a small kitchen with a nook for a table and chairs , and a bedroom and bath . The shrub bery and vines she 'd noted on the outside increased a sense of isolation , especially where they brushed against the windows . It was quiet - too quiet for her tastes . She was used to the constant noise and movement of the city . This much solitude would take some getting used to . Jason wouldn 't have minded it , she knew . As in troverted as he 'd been , he 'd have welcomed it . Close contact with other people stressed him almost beyond bearing . College dorm life must have been a nightmare for him . It had taken time and maturity for her to un derstand that , but Tom never had . He 'd always insisted Jason could be like other kids if he just tried harder . Small wonder Jason had taken refuge in his fantasy world . There , he could be in control . He could shut out the outside world and focus on the voices in his imagi nation . If she 'd understood that earlier , if his father had grasped it at all … She pushed the thought away . She couldn 't go back . All she could do for Jason now was find out why he 'd died , and the key to that had to be in his video diary . Reluctantly , Kate turned her laptop on . The video diary had been Jason 's closely guarded secret . She 'd known it existed , but she 'd never had so much as a glimpse of it until two weeks ago , when she 'd started clearing Tom 's house for the sale . It still felt as if she were violating Jason 's privacy by watching it . The first time she 'd watched it she hadn 't been able to get all the way through even one entry - she 'd been crying too hard . It wasn 't that much easier now , but at least she was able to control the tears . Now a session of trying to understand just left her wrung out and ex hausted , her throat tight , her eyes burning . Even if it hadn 't been for the grief , understanding would have been difficult , due to Jason 's refusal to be ordinary in referring to people . He almost never used names , instead dubbing the people he met with the iden tities of the mythic characters from his favorite books and games . Some Kate could understand a little , like the characters from fairy tales or Tolkien 's books , while others left her banging her head against the wall . Now that she 'd met the cast of characters at Laurel Ridge Financial , she might have a chance of identifying the people he referred to . Maybe even begin to under stand what was happening in his life that disturbed him so toward the end of that summer that he would have turned to pills to dull the pain . Or to end it permanently . She 'd like to believe the overdose had been acciden tal . Unfortunately , she couldn 't convince herself of that . Jason had been clean for so long . He knew , if anyone did , the results of combining alcohol with those strong prescription meds . " The King was upset today , and I 'm not sure why . " Jason 's eyes were serious , concerned . This had been about midway through his internship . She paused the tape and pulled out a notebook to jot down her impres sions . But what had been his position relative to Russell Sheldon ? She didn 't know , and such a simple thing could mean a world of difference in interpretation . She noted a query - find out who was in charge when Sheldon was still with the firm . Probably anyone would know . Like Mac Whiting , for instance , but she dismissed the thought . He was the last person she 'd go to for help . A firm knock on the door interrupted her line of thought . Mrs . Anderson again ? She 'd already been here twice , once with a freshly laundered blanket and again with a loaf of pumpkin bread . It was easy to see why she 'd gotten on Jason 's nerves . " Ms . Oberlin . " She was frankly surprised . She 'd hoped the woman meant her comment about getting together , but she certainly hadn 't expected a visit so soon . " Please , come in . How did you know where to find me ? " She hadn 't said a word about where she was staying while she 'd been in the office , had she ? " It 's all over Blackburn House already , I 'm afraid . " With a restrained smile , the woman stepped inside . " Please , call me Lina . " " Lina , " she repeated . " How would anyone at Black burn House know ? " If she sounded a little suspicious , it was nothing to how she felt . Were people watching her ? " Obviously you 're not used to the way news spreads in a place like Laurel Ridge . After all , we 're right next door . I 'm sure someone saw you moving in . " Lina shrugged . " People in a small town are interested in their neighbors . " Lina had apparently come straight from work , since she still wore the tailored suit she 'd had on earlier . She sat down , looking around the room with frank curiosity . " This is really quite nice , isn 't it ? " Her gaze seemed to linger on the desk , and Kate was relieved that she had closed the file . " I haven 't seen the inside before , but it 's roomier than I 'd have expected . " Lina 's lips twitched in what might have been a smile . " I can just imagine the talk that would have spread if I 'd come to visit a young male colleague . I 'm afraid fi nancial consultants are expected to be models of recti tude in a place like Laurel Ridge . " " Yes . I 'd say Mr . Gordon made it clear that adverse publicity was frowned on . " She couldn 't seem to keep the resentment from her tone . Gordon 's facile sympa thy had disappeared very quickly at any faint sugges tion of fault on the part of the firm . " That 's really why I 've come so quickly . " Lina leaned forward , her pale face intent . " I 'm afraid Bart reacted badly , and I wanted to explain . It 's not entirely his fault , you know . Our clients didn 't like seeing the newspaper stories about one of our staff in such a situation . " She shook her head , rueful . " Sorry . I don 't want to hurt you , but that 's the truth . " Kate suppressed her irritation as best she could . " I understand being concerned for the reputation of the firm . " But Bart Gordon had overreacted , it seemed to her , and she really wanted to know why . " But you think he was over - the - top . " Lina seemed to know what she was thinking . " I 'm afraid he was so annoyed because he was the one who suggested taking Jason on as an intern . He talked Mr . Sheldon into it . Ap parently Jason 's adviser was an old fraternity brother of Bart 's , and Bart agreed as a favor to him . Then , when things went badly … " " Well , not really all that closely , I 'm afraid . It was actually Russell Sheldon who seemed to take the most interest in Jason . He took the time to work with the young man , and according to him , Jason did very well . He always seemed very conscientious to me - almost too preoccupied with his work at times , I 'd say . " " I 'm glad Jason found a mentor here . I really should thank Mr . Sheldon personally , then . Is he still living in town ? " It would be as good an excuse as any to probe into what the man remembered of Jason 's time here . Lina looked doubtful . " Yes , Russell Sheldon is quite a fixture in town . Everyone knows him . But I don 't know that it 's a good idea for you to visit him . " " The trouble is that Russell has been failing mentally for the past few years . He probably should have retired earlier than he did , to be honest , but he had such a good rapport with our older clients that we hated to see him go . They 'd trusted him for years , and it wasn 't easy to convince them that they 'd be quite safe in Bart 's hands . " " I understand the poor man is becoming increasingly erratic . Apparently the least disruption of his usual rou tine causes him to react very emotionally . In fact , his son has been trying to get him into an assisted living facility . I 'm sure you wouldn 't want to cause Mr . Shel don any distress , and I don 't imagine he even remem bers Jason at this point . " " I see . " Somehow she didn 't think she wanted to take Lina 's word for it , as helpful as she seemed . " I 've hoped people who knew my brother during those last weeks might have noticed some indication of trouble . Anything that seemed out of his normal routine , any change in his attitude … " " I wish I could be of more help . " Lina spread her hands in a gesture of helplessness . " In retrospect I do think Jason seemed a bit more preoccupied than usual toward the end of the summer , but then he 'd been send ing out résumés and looking for a position , so that 's only natural . " Marta Perry realized she wanted to be a writer at age eight , when she read her first Nancy Drew novel . A lifetime spent in rural Pennsylvania and her own Pennsylvania Dutch roots led Marta to the books she writes now about the Amish . When she 's not writing , Marta is active in the life of her church and enjoys traveling and spending time with her three children and six beautiful grandchildren . Visit her online at www . martaperry . com A Bookaholic Swede is run by Magdalena , a bookaholic book hoarding Swede that for some reason keep on getting more books despite having enough to last a lifetime . She often claims that romance books are not for her , but she does like romance in books ( but there must also be murder , or dragons , or some paranormal angle for her to enjoy the books ) . When she 's not reading . . . eh . . . nevermind . . .
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byohio © I knew I had to plan everything carefully . No screw - ups . If I was lucky enough to get any sort of second chance with Bobby I had to do everything right . After my first appointment with Jon I spent three weeks taking care of some necessary business . I did some high - powered job hunting and lined up a new position in Columbus within six days . I had to take a 10 % salary cut , but that didn 't bother me a bit - - I still had plenty of money . " During the time I was single and working with Charlie , life was fun and full of adventure - - but I never realized how empty it was until Bobby and I were together . I liked the excitement , the travel - - I liked the sex with Charlie and once in a while with clients . But it was such a hard - nosed , cold way to live . " I guess I can 't say that I 'd never find that with someone else , Jon . How can I know ? I just know that I had it with Bobby , and then I fucked it up . And if there 's any chance at all of getting it back , I 'm going to take it . " When he got married again I tried to deal with it , and I did get on with my life . But I never met anyone half as special , and now that he 's getting divorced maybe I have a chance again . " I shrugged . Jon smiled . " Okay , " he said . " That may be a little obsessive , but it 's not crazy . " He laughed and said , " a lot of my colleagues think there 's a pretty big overlap between love and obsession anyway , so . . . not to worry . I thought for a moment . " First is fairness and playing by the rules . Bobby believes in that a lot ; I need to show him I can do that too , especially since I broke them so badly the last time . He clapped his hands . " Exactly . Good for you . We can 't prepare in advance for every possible situation , but if you keep those in mind you can be ready for anything he throws at you . " " Absolutely not . One thing I 've figured out is , No Secrets . About anything . Every word I say to him is going to be God 's honest truth . So I 'll tell him I found out he was getting divorced and moved back in the hopes that we could start seeing one another again . " " Yeah , it might . But I just don 't think I should conceal ANYTHING at this point . What if I made it sound like a coincidence , and later on he somehow found out that it wasn 't ? That would be far worse . " " Hi Bobby , it 's Ari . I heard about your . . . situation . I 'm so sorry that things didn 't work out for you and Laura . I hope you 're doing all right . I 'm back working in Columbus now - do you think we could we get together for lunch sometime , maybe next week ? Here 's my number . . . . Take care , bye . " We met the following Thursday at a Greek diner on the edge of downtown , near where he worked . Bobby looked older , a little beaten - down , but still the same man who wooed me and won me ten years earlier . My knees trembled as I walked towards the table . I gave him a big smile as he stood and reached out to shake my hand . Ignoring it , I stepped in and gave him a warm hug , letting go far sooner than I wanted to . We sat down and looked at one another . " Yeah , well , that was a bit of a mistake . I guess I - - " He stopped and shook his head . " Let 's not talk about that , okay ? How are you , Ari , what brought you back to Columbus ? " I took a deep breath . " I 'm going to be completely honest , okay Bobby ? You know that . . . well , you certainly used to know that I never got over you , never stopped being sorry for what I did to screw up our marriage . " I moved back to Columbus and found a new job here . I still love you , Bobby . I would have left you alone forever if you were happily married , but since you 're not . . . I 'm hoping that maybe we could see if . . . " " If I want a second helping of life with a corporate whore ? " The words were cruel , but the look on his face was more amused than angry . That gave me a little hope . It HAD been a long time , after all . We ordered some lunch and chatted for awhile , keeping it to safe topics : his work , my work , how I had liked San Diego , did I ever hear from my old boss Charlie ? That last one didn 't seem so casual , despite how Bobby brought it up . I made clear that Charlie was no longer in my life in any way . " I should never have married Laura . She was just what I needed , for a while . She was sexy and affectionate and crazy about me - - and after you and I crashed and burned she made me feel better , like somebody other than a poor dumb cuckold too blind to see what his wife was doing to him . " " So she picked me back up off the ground , you know ? She cheered me up and bounced on a bed with me whenever I wanted , and told me how terrific I was until I started to feel okay again . And boy did she enjoy rubbing our relationship in your face ! Remember the night you came and she was fucking me on the bed ? " He blushed . " I felt kind of embarrassed , actually , but Laura convinced me that turnabout was fair play . It really got her off , but for me it was , I don 't know , a little bit childish . " He shrugged . " Anyway - - Laura 's nice , and she loved me , but she 's just not that smart or interesting a person . One thing about life with you , Ari , it was never boring . Until the day I - - " He looked right into my eyes . " Until the day I caught you and Charlie I was completely happy . You were bright , beautiful , full of life - - just being around you made me feel lucky . I never had much of that with Laura , and once the thrill of a lot of sex wore off , as it inevitably does , there just wasn 't anything else there . " We sat some more , and he said , " I guess I was in too much of a hurry - - to prove to myself that I was man enough to be happily married and keep a wife . And I picked someone I KNEW wouldn 't betray me . I was right about that , at least . " He shook his head and said , " no , I can 't pin that one on you too . OUR marriage , hell yes ! But with Laura , I should have known better . I should have taken my time . She would have made a perfectly good rebound love - affair , and maybe I 'd be happily married to someone else by now . " " Oh hell yes . I don 't hate her , even though she said some pretty nasty stuff to me at the end - - yelled it , actually . I feel bad , because I couldn 't love her the way she deserves to be loved . She 's a nice person , even if she 's a bit . . . " Well , to be honest , a bit shallow . But she loved me and gave me her best - - I just can 't possibly spend my life with her . So we both know we 're done . The rest is just paperwork and overpriced lawyers . " " Sure , " he said . We walked up to the register and paid the check , with a mock - argument about who should pay - - we ended up splitting it . And outside the diner he said again , " nice to see you , Ari " and kissed me on the cheek . I watched him walk away , filled with a kind of longing I couldn 't possibly put into words . And feeling more hopeful than I had in years . On purpose I let a couple of weeks go by before I called him again . No need to make him feel I was stalking him , though I obviously was ! I got settled into my job , putting in some long days to get on top of things and show my new boss I was competent and organized and trustworthy . I spent a couple of Saturdays getting Felicia to help me shop to decorate my new apartment - - it was terrific having my closest friend nearby again . She still thought I was a little nuts to be so hung - up on Bobby , but I think she kind of found it romantic , too . When I did call him he was happy to make another lunch date , this time at a steak house he really liked , agreeing that we 'd split the check again . I told him about my new job , with some amusing stories about eccentric co - workers . He laughed at my favorite one : the guy in the next office who insisted on keeping his coat and his hat and his lunch in his desk drawers , so that all of his important papers were always piled up all over his desk and he could never find anything . Three different times I 'd seen him look for something and knock a six - inch pile of documents all over the floor . " You have to know I 'm still attracted to you , right ? You 're just as beautiful as ever - - maybe more so . " He smiled at me . " And you 're funny and smart and surprising . . . shit , you 're all the things you were when I fell in love with you . " It 's just that you blew me up . You set off a big bomb under my life and it nearly fuckin ' killed me . Why would I want to step back into the same minefield ? " My throat was so dry it was hard to speak . I said , " because , first - - it 's not a minefield now . I 'm not the same person anymore , Bobby - - not the person who could be so blind and selfish and hurt you the way I did . And if you give me a chance I 'll prove it to you . " " By being honest with you about everything , at every single moment . No secrets , no lies , no subterfuge , no games . Here 's what I want : I want you back . Only you , monogamously , faithfully , for the rest of my life . " Would you quit your job ? Would you move to Anchorage with me ? Would you stop working and be a housewife , and have six kids with me and raise ' em ? " " Yes , yes , and yes . I 'd probably feel a little claustrophobic at home with the children if I never got out into the world again , but I 'd find some library volunteer job or something , if you 'd let me . Yes , I 'd do all that . " We talked about it some more . I could see he was thinking about it , getting more used to the idea . He said , " okay then - - but we 're taking it slow . " I didn 't mean to make you choke ! " I said , laughing along with him . He caught his breath and made a menacing gesture with his fist . " I 'll get you for that one ! " he said , grinning . It was my turn to laugh , though fortunately there wasn 't anything in my mouth . I said , " deal . Okay - - want to go for a walk in the park on Saturday afternoon and feed the ducks ? I 'll pay for the stale bread . " " Yes , and it was fantastic ! " I was grinning so hard I thought my face might split . We were having a drink in a little restaurant downtown , having a girl 's night out together . " We actually fed the stupid ducks with some old bread I brought along , and then we just sat and talked for a long time . About everything under the sun , nothing heavy . And it got to be about 6 : 00 o ' clock and he said , ' how about if we get some dinner ? ' " And I smiled and said , ' sure , Bobby , I 'd love to have you buy me dinner . ' And he said , ' uh - uh , no way , you asked me out on this date . ' And I said , ' yeah , but you 're the one who suggested dinner , ' and we had this silly mock - argument while we walked over to find a restaurant . " " I did . I said , ' I 'll pay , Bobby , but that means you owe me , so you 're going to have to ask me out again . ' So he pretended to grumble about it , but we 're having dinner at his house on Saturday ! He said it was so he didn 't have to pay for a fancy restaurant dinner , but I think he wants me to see the house . He bought it before he and Laura got married , but I 've never seen the inside since they re - did it . " " Although I bet you 've driven by it a few times , you stalker ! " Felicia loved teasing me , and since I was so happy I didn 't mind it a bit . As we finished our drinks she said , " and what about the rest of the story ? The good - night fuck , or wasn 't there one ? " I sighed . " No , just some good - night kisses , but they were fantastic . I felt like I was back in 10th grade again , when you know you 're not going to have sex but you 're so turned - on by a boy you 're just going crazy . " Unbelievable ! " I sounded like a little kid but I couldn 't help myself . " The first real date was terrific , but Saturday night was more than I could ever have hoped for . " So of course I told him how beautiful it was and how much I liked what he 'd done with it - it really is a very attractive place . And he made us a very good dinner . He 's either become a much better cook or he was trying to impress me , but in either case it was great . I grinned . " In almost every way . I kept refilling his wine glass , and about the third time he caught me at it and said , ' you think I 'm going to be that easy ? " " All I can say is , it was incredible . And I cried afterwards and he was really nice about it . Didn 't freak out , just held me and kissed my hair and told me it was all right . " The second time was even better . The only thing wrong with the night was how it ended . He said he just wasn 't ready for us to spend the night together . I was lying in his arms , sleepy and SO happy , maybe about 1 am , and he said he was going to take me home . byohio © 211 comments / 128983 views / 92 favoritesShare the loveTweetReport a BugSubmit bug reportNext6 Pages : 123123456GoLogin or Sign UpStoriesPoemsStory SeriesTags PortalChatForumAdult StoreMoviesWebcamsMobile VersionFAQSearchEnglish | Spanish | German | French | Dutch | Other languagesAll contents © Copyright 1998 - 2012 . Literotica is a trademark . No part may be reproduced in any form without explicit written permission . Terms Of Services | Report A Problem | PrivacyUsername : Password : Forgot your password ? Security code : Change pictureYour current user avatar , all sizes : You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation . Select new user avatar : Upload and save
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For the month of August , I swam more than 100 , 000 meters . However , in a way , that is nothing special . I have gotten so used to just going through the motions of swimming , that I can do this kind of training week in , week out without feeling any muscular discomfort . At the same time , I am not really getting any faster . So , now I have to crank " it " up . Exactly what " it " means , I am not so sure . However , I read that to get faster , I need to train faster , and to get faster I need to get stronger and to get stronger I need to swim faster , etc . I measured myself today , and while I am between 192cm and 193 cm tall , if I lie on the ground and stretch out my hands , the distance from middle finger tip to middle finger tip is 202cm . So while is those respects I am not that different from some of the taller , elite swimmers , I am a lot weaker , and a lot slower . Each day during the last week , I have been doing sets and taking rests in between them , sometimes more than one minute . So after the first three days I was on 12 , 600 meters ( Tues , Wed , Thurs ) . On Friday , I covered 4 , 250 meters , and while I felt tired and slow that day , at least I was doing things , like 150s and 100s and 50s towards the end . On Saturday , I swam 4 , 350 meters , and the last 1 , 000 or so was mostly 100m or less at a time . Today , Sunday , I swam a total of 3 , 850 meters ( I overslept slightly , thus reducing the available time for training ) . At the end of the practice today , I raced my friend over 100m , and although I barely broke 1m 30s , at least I got several fairly fast 100s , 50s and 25s in beforehand . So my swim total for the week was 25 , 050 meters , slightly less than in previous weeks , but then I need to focus a little more on speed now . Two " hard " 50s appear a lot harder than an " easy " 100 . While my goal may be to become an open water swimmer , speed work is important . For one thing , incorporating it in training may raise the overall pace on a long swim . In addition , it has tactical advantages . By being able to shift gears now and then , maybe I can catch on to Posted by This is not a particularly good picture , since it was probably taken from a moving bus . Anyway , it is one Hsiu - chin sent me from the Philippines where she is currently ( together with the new camera that we bought ! ) . She informed me that where she was staying there were no hot showers . This reminds me of trips I have made in the past to Indonesia and Thailand , where we stayed either a long way out of town or else the people who made arrangements for us did so with a view to keeping costs down to a minimum . Of course , we generally had to endure those kinds of living conditions for a few weeks at the most . For a lot of people , living like that is a way of life . In Taiwan these last few days , there has been a lot of news and speculation ( just how close anything is to being proved is hard to say ) , that certain members of the former president 's family , who all had quite humble beginnings , have been stashing away millions of US dollars in Swiss bank accounts , in the Cayman Islands and large sums of money have even been transferred through financial giants such as Merrill Lynch , causing some to wonder what kinds of internal controls exist in such organizations . Anyway , the last few days have given us ordinary folk the opportunity to see how some people live , having millions in various secret bank accounts , living in luxury accommodation , eating in fine restaurants , wearing expensive Rolex watches and never having to do any work . On the other hand , a lot of people have been protesting , asking the government to raise the minimum wage . These are the people who have to work hard and who are getting less and less in real terms as the prices of food and gasoline continue to increase , and some of their earnings are allegedly siphoned abroad by unscrupulous moneygrubbers . I consider myself fortunate in that , while I have to work , at least I can enjoy a hot shower at the swimming pool or at home , and I don 't need to resort to credit cards unless purely for the convenience of using one . I wonder what these people with all these assePosted by Bree Wee , Professional Triathlete and Amateur Hawaii Ironman Course Record HolderThe Olympics of course had many outstanding successes , but there were also the failures ( excuse me for the negativity implied by such a word , but it is hard to cover it up for what it is ) . Like the sprint team members in contention for a medal who dropped the baton , or the girl who hit the last hurdle , or the guy who pulled his hamstring and couldn 't even get over the first hurdle when it mattered . Probably what weighs more on my mind over the last day or so is Bree 's having to pull out ( or be pulled out ) of Ironman Canada due to getting sick after more than her fair share of adversity ( a flat , mechanical problems , a bee sting , etc . ) When I did the Kona Ironman , they told us that just getting to the start line was a major accomplishment . In fact for me , just finishing was the main goal . The first time I made it ( after being on the verge of exhaustion for many hours ) with just 17 minutes to spare to the cut - off . On my second attempt , despite a good swim and bike , knee pain prevented me from running , and while walking in pain was possible , it took too long to get to each aid station and I also started to feel cold , so by about 9 pm I felt so sick and dizzy I felt I would pass out . I felt I failed , because my children and friends had all gone to the finish line to wait for me , and I never came ( except by ambulance ) . A well - known saying goes : " If you aim at nothing , you will be sure to hit it . " For many of us , at least in many areas of our lives , that is precisely what we do . In sports , however , if we wish to improve , we have to set ourselves goals , but they have to be realistic enough so that we can be challenged to reach new heights while at the same time not getting too discouraged or else just driving ourselves into the ground . This year , several of my acquaitances were unable to swim across the English Channel when they were scheduled to do so , and some did not even get their feet wet . The generally unstable weather had a big part to pPosted by Steve Hooker of Australia after a successful pole vault at the Olympics in Beijing last night . He not only got gold , only starting to jump when most other competitors had already been eliminated , but also broke the Olympic Record by clearing 5 . 96 meters on his last jump . While I seldom watch this sport , it was very entertaining watching the event unfold . I , for one , will miss the Olympics after they are over . I have had a busy week workwise , plus a heavy cold , so my " Swim Camp " was cut somewhat short . Still , maybe I will do it again in a couple of weeks . Having covered 11 , 050 meters in the first two days ( Tuesday and Wednesday ) , I did 4 , 100 meters on Thursday which culminated in a " relaxed and efficient " 200m in 3m 07s . On Friday , I got out of bed slightly earlier ( though still lacking sleep ) and covered 4 , 700 meters . At the end my friend and I raced the 200m and I again did it in 3m 07s , beating him by about 2 seconds , as opposed to 5 seconds the day before . This morning , while still feeling the effects of my cold , I covered 4 , 200 meters in all . Over the first 3k or so , I maintained a good steady pace ( slightly faster than usual ) in part because I was pulling two other swimmers and when the slower ones saw us coming they moved over to let us pass . At the end , however , I covered the 200m " race " in a slower 3m 14s , while my friend did a personal best of 3m 04s , equalling my best time of a couple or more weeks ago . I think I was a bit tired and maybe not motivated enough as I had not done any speedwork today . When I lived and trained over a period of several years in Kona , I would often train with a friend called Harry , as we saw each other a lot and our speeds and desire for hard training on a regular basis were very similar . We also did most races together and so the Peaman or Mango race was as much a competition against each other as against anyone else . We also occasionally learned to work together which helped in the smaller races . While at times I beat him , on the whole he was the stronger athlete , and despite Bruce Stewart ( 施樸樂 ) ( ブルース ・ スチュワート ) I know he was beaten close to the finish , but what I find remarkable about Simon Whitfield ( whom many of us who have lived and trained in Hawai ' i and know or have seen race personally ) , is that he won gold in Sydney in the year 2000 . So eight years later he is still right up there , bagging the silver medal and missing gold by only five seconds . That is truly inspiring . Recently I wrote about having a Swim Camp this week , which really meant extra training sessions at the pool on my own . Well , this week has proved a difficult week for doing it . First , I have been inundated with work , much of which is quite urgent and , secondly , I have quite a heavy cold , probably because one of our sons had one a few days ago . Thirdly , the pool was really crowded in the afternoon when I went for that extra session . It is August after all and there are so many kids there , too . On Monday morning , I did my usual steady workout , covering a total of 4 , 650 meters , which included a 200 meter race in 3m 08s at the end of it . Then in the afternoon I returned to the pool . Due to the crowded conditions , I decided to do 50s fairly fast ( using more of a power stroke as opposed to swimming easy ) . In this way I could wait until there was sufficient distance between me and the next swimmer to at least get a good start and I could regularly review lane conditions . I covered a total of 2 , 000 meters in this way . It was not all 50 meter swims , as when conditions got better I occasionally did a more gentle 200 meters . This morning ( Wednesday ) , I clearly felt a little more sluggish and my pace was a little slower . I covered a total of 4 , 400 meters and near the end my friend and I raced over 200m . I went 3m 14s , which shows that I still felt rather beat . However , I realize that when I recover from all of that , I will be a little stronger and possibly faster . What I learned so far , is that some speed work with fairly lengthy rests between swims is beneficial to me and will help me get the strength I need to swim faster and hopefully break 3 minutes for 200 mePosted by As I prepare for my week " more focused swim training " , I was particularly impressed by a quote from Michael Phelps ( probably now the foremost authority on swimming ! ) who said : " Bob ( Bowman ) has a saying , " Putting money in the bank " . " I had heard of this before and have even used the expression in my blog before ( at least I think so ) , but I did not realize it was Michael 's long time swim coach , Bob , who said it . So I decided to go through my blog records and try to find out how much money I have been putting into my swim bank . The weekly summaries are as follows : Apr 16 - Apr 21 18 , 500 metersApr 23 - Apr 28 20 , 900 metersApr 30 - May 04 20 , 800 metersMay 6 - May 11 28 , 100 metersMay 13 - May 18 19 , 725 metersMay 20 - May 25 30 , 750 metersMay 27 - June 01 31 , 150 meters ( a record ) June 02 - June 08 21 , 150 metersJune 10 - June 15 23 , 800 metersJune17 - June 22 21 , 900 metersJune 24 - June 29 29 , 100 metersJuly 01 - July 06 24 , 000 metersJuly 08 - July 13 19 , 950 metersJuly 15 - July 20 23 , 550 metersJuly 22 - July 27 26 , 750 metersJuly 29 - Aug 03 26 , 150 metersAug 05 - Aug 10 26 , 300 metersAug 12 - Aug 17 26 , 450 metersIf I added up correctly , that gives a total of 439 , 025 meters ( 439 km or some 273 miles ) in 18 weeks , which is a couple of days over 4 months . I started going to the pool in early March , but I did not keep records for the first several weeks . In any case , the first couple of weeks I was doing more like 8 , 000 to 10 , 000 meters a week at the most , and I only " broke the 4000m barrier ( for a day 's swimming ) " on April 24 . The first few weeks I was just getting back into swimming after not swimming since the Hapuna Beach swim in Hawaii on July 01 , 2007 , in which I did relatively poorly compared to previous attempts at that race . Training in swimming is a learning process , and from all the workouts , the blogging about it and comments and encouragement from friends , as well as the Olympics , I have learned a great deal . However , I feel I am only just beginning , and there is so much more to learn , and so I will try to swim more this week , while at the same time tryPosted by The title of today 's blog posting is that of a song that is part of the Beijing Olympics , only that what I saw on TV was sung in English , and the one you will hear as you read this is in Chinese . To me at least it is in a language I am familiar with - the same people are singing it , only this time in their native language . At times I wonder if all these songs are just for PR or even propaganda , but one thing is that anything that encourages friendship , especially across linguistic and ethnic barriers , is a great thing and something our world needs so much . China is leading the medals table , and while I don 't know whether it will still be at the end of next week , it all goes to show that China has emerged as a big and powerful nation , with its people ready to mightily influence the whole world whether for good or not so good . So I am glad that I made that effort to learn the language many years ago , starting at the time when the " Gang of Four " in the aftermath of the Cultural Revolution was perhaps the main event of the time . Who could foresee then that a modern and increasingly prosperous Beijing would host what may be one of the best Olympic Games in history ? I certainly did not , although I did foresee the people having a lot more hope and purpose in life than they did then . So , Michael Phelps got his 7th gold medal , winning by 1 / 100th of a second . Unbelievable , but at least the slow - motion action replay was there to prove it . Rebecca Adlington of the U . K . 's victory and world record in the 800m freestyle was really impressive . There has been so much that has been so great watching and so inspiring . It has certainly helped me focus on my own goals . Well , as I mentioned before , I will try to have my " Swim Camp " next week . What this means is that I will try to go to the pool three afternoons next week in addition to my usual six mornings . In the afternoons , I want to have a shorter workout and focus on some speedwork , but also perhaps some " slow " things like experimenting with other strokes ( trying to learn the mechPosted by While efforts were made in Beijing to improve the city air quality in time for the Olympics , today in Kaohsiung , which will host the World Games in 2009 , for about one hour this afternoon I could hardly breathe in my own home . It was not so bad with the windows closed , but it definitely goes to show just how much a single family here can do to increase greenhouse gas emissions and exacerbate the already critical problem of global warming . Why three metal cans when one will do ? Although the fires were already blazing , there remained a huge amount of paper money on the sidewalk waiting to be burned . August is the " ghost month " in Taiwan , and in their efforts to placate or drive away the spirits that are temporarily released to roam to and fro across the earth , the more religious and superstitious in the community ( a surprisingly large proportion of people in Taiwan ) burn huge quantities of paper money ( often with the " Bank of Hell " printed on the notes ) right outside their homes and apparently without any concern for who will have to suffer from the huge clouds of smoke generated ( which they always make sure doesn 't blow into their own home ) . It is certainly difficult to talk to the more superstitious neighbors about this . To them religion is of course a very personal matter and they have always done this and everyone else does . The environmental authorities also turn a blind eye to it . Only international pressure might eventually lead to change , just as it did over an international outcry over various body parts of tigers being sold in Chinese medicine shops some years ago . To be fair , these particular neighbors have so far only done things like this on so grand a scale on key Chinese festivals during the year . Normally , they don 't cause any trouble . However , suffocation from gas inhalation is a little like drowning in water . It may only last a short time , but that is enough to kill you . Somehow people need to be educated , and to learn that what they do is fine as long as it does not endanger the health or lives of oPosted by Since I had written yesterday that I would run this morning , I could not really go back on my word , and I set off a little later than expected ( at 6 : 53 am ) with a camera , cell phone and a little money in case I needed sustenance . The weather was excellent for running ( cloudy and even a little rain at times ) , but it was not very good for photos and because my camera wasn 't set properly the photos are not good enough to post . Instead I will post a couple of photos of a meal I had with my family last night in celebration of Father 's Day in Taiwan which took place on August 8th . As for the run , the main thing was that I was on my feet for almost two hours . I may have only covered about 8 or at the very most 9 miles . The plan was just to get round a certain course , which involved running around a huge lake , and hence there were few options to shorten the distance . I felt my knee a little as I left the house and again about two - thirds of the way through , but apart from that I have felt fine . Stair climbing at home is fairly OK this evening , though I wonder whether I will feel more uncomfortable tomorrow morning . I 'll just have to see . Anyway , hopefully I won 't need to use my legs too much swimming except when pushing off the wall . I figured that since I normally swim close to two hours , to spend about the same amount of time on my feet should not be a problem . Certainly my lungs did not feel tired , only my legs . The reason for all of this is because I have the opportunity to take part in a running race in Hualien in early November , and I can choose either the Half Marathon or the Marathon . I will need to ask Bree which one I should do , so I am undecided at the moment . The course is apparently beautiful - running alongside a marble gorge as it twists its way from about sea level to at least 2 , 000 meters above it . There are a lot of good spots for whitewater rafting , too , though I would prefer just to watch that . I probably won 't run again for several days , but when I do I may just run the same course and try to get round it Posted by Our new sofa and coffee table ( we bought the last one 20 years ago ) . Now we can watch the Olympics in style . I am about one - third of my way into my one - year - plus training program for some swim races in summer 2009 , and I am glad I have seen at least some small improvements . With the Olympics taking place and being fortunate to be able to see some swimming on TV being broadcast live from Beijing , I have been able to think a little about how I can move forward from here . In the past whenever I watched the Olympics or even golf , I would get somewhat discouraged as my skills were so inferior to those of the world 's best . However , rather than sitting back on our new couch and feeling discouraged , I am recharging myself with new insights and goals . Here are a few things I have learnt these last couple of days . Observation 1 : Those ( male ) swimmers look so strong ( meaning that I look really weak ) . Response : To get faster at swimming , I need to be stronger physically . Besides maintaining a consistent swimming distance in my workouts , I need to do more strength - building exercises at home and also eat more and more often . Results : A day is too quick , but I have been aware of this for at least a couple of months now , and I am about one kilo heavier than I used to be . Besides , I am eating potatoes , bananas , granola and various other foods rich in carbohydrates on a fairly regular basis ( at least every day ) and I am not wasting much time in preparing them ( I peel potatoes pretty fast now ) . Observation 2 : Those women freestylers are not lifting their elbows really high ( like I have been ) . It is difficult to see clearly when they are gliding through the water so fast . But I watched Stephanie Rice of Australia win an IM400 heat yesterday and her freestyle ( as well as that of all the others ) looked so much more efficient than mine . Maybe in an effort to rotate my body or avoid waves in choppy oceans or because my arms are too weak , I have been wasting time and effort by raising my arms too high . Response : I need to focus on technique , onPosted by Our new 37 - inch flatscreen TV bought just in time to watch the OlympicsAfter being without a TV set since we moved to Kaohsiung at the end of January , we finally bought one ( we had to sell a house to be able to afford it ) , just in time for the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games . I am so unaccustomed to TV now that I forget we even have it and if I watch for more than ten minutes I seem to feel dizzy . It is a bit like my swimming was after an 8 - month layoff earlier this year . I understand that the local Taiwanese TV stations will together be broadcasting various different events . At least it 's all in Chinese and so there won 't be any need for translation . Fortunately , I won 't be needing to get up at 3 a . m . to watch something . The opening ceremony was very interesting to me . How that country has changed since I first started studying China seriously in the mid - 1970s . It was interesting that they picked as one of their themes " All men are brothers " ( 四海之內皆兄弟也 ) . This quotation from the Analects of Confucius was something I studied when in language school in Taiwan in the early 1980s . I certainly would not have got to study that had I studied on the mainland . The Olympics are so vast with so many nations represented and so many different sports . It hopefully makes us think about how our own training fits into the grand scheme of things . At least triathlon involves events in water and on land , and pretty good all - round body training , and it is also something we can do as we get older . However , we should not let ourselves get sucked into just one event or a particular format for an event . Enjoyment should be the overriding consideration , and not just because the rest of the triathlon community only do certain events or because we may think that the best races cost the most . To briefly recap on the last two mornings , I swam 4 , 350 meters on Thursday ( yesterday ) and 4 , 250 meters today ( Friday ) despite a slightly later start . As with other recent workouts , I swam steady for about the first 3 , 000m , and then toPosted by The air - conditioned reading room on the end of the Golden Lion Lake featured at the top of my blog . This is a great place to spend some time at just to have a change from working at home . It also has a few Chinese newspapers so I can catch up on the local news . I guess there is only so much we can do in any given day . When reading some blogs , it seems that some people are super - achievers , working at a job 50 hours a week , commuting over one hour each way to work , maintaining the training regimen of an elite Ironman athlete - you name it , they are doing it . As for me , a little under two hours in the pool most mornings requires me to catch up on the sleep I missed the previous night at some point ( or several points ) during the daytime . Even when I was young , I remember sleeping a lot after long exercise . I rode my first hundred miles with a couple of friends in one day on a bike at the age of 12 ( just a three - speed bike that was my mum 's ) . After I got home at about 7 pm , I could barely keep awake for 15 minutes while I ate something before falling into a deep sleep . In my mid - 20s , I tried leaving on one of my 180 - mile bike trips at midnight instead of going to bed . At about 3 : 30 am I fell asleep at the wheel and woke up suddenly when the front wheel hit the kerb . Luckily , I did not fall off , and I immediately and desperately looked for cover as it was drizzling . After sleeping on a pile of hay in a barn for about 90 minutes until daybreak in the middle of nowhere , I set off again and reached home ( my destination ) somewhere around 5 : 00 pm ( the last three hours on the bike I was only able to keep awake by taking large quantities of Dextrosol ( glucose tablets ) ) . After getting my bike into my rented room , getting changed and eating a bowl of cornflakes , I went to bed and woke up 14 hours later . I have rarely felt as tired as on those occasions , but I am often finding myself daydreaming and half dozing off when I am trying to do my work . My work requires a lot of concentration and has little excitement , and so , if I am tiPosted by View of Taipei 101 building and most of Taipei from the hills behind our old apartment in Hsintien , Taipei County ( click on photo to enlarge ) One of the banks with which we have an account located in Taipei Taipei sky at night near the train station . The cloud formation suggests that a typhoon is coming soonHsiu - chin and I travelled to Taipei and back today , by shinkansen both ways , in order to finalize the sale of our old apartment . While that has been sorted out , there is other paperwork to be done in Kaohsiung , while I try to make sure we don 't go on a wild spending spree while being deluded into thinking we have made it . Hopefully , life can get pretty much back to normal starting tomorrow , although I won 't be too demanding on my morning swim in case I feel tired . In some ways I am glad I don 't have a coach , as then I feel I would be serving various masters . I am pleased to have bought a new camera , which I believe is capable of taking some good shots . It seems , though , that while today was a nice , clear day for photography , I was never quite in the right place at the right time . Today was my " rest day " as Mondays I usually do not do any training . However , I walked about 30 minutes mostly uphill to get the panoramic shot of Taipei . Had I gone two or three hours earlier , I think the sky would have been clearer . Rarely does one get a clear sky over this busy city of 3 million . Taiwan has a lot of beautiful scenery especially in the less visited parts . I really hope to be able to travel the island on a bicycle with a camera and a computer so I can keep in touch with the world and work a few hours a day on trips . Part of one of Hsiu - Chin 's paintings , painted using the acrylic medium while in Hawai ' i . This morning I finished off my swim training for this last week , adding 4 , 700 meters to bring my total for the week up to 26 , 150 meters . Add the 26 , 750 the previous week , and that makes a total of 52 , 900 in the last two weeks . However , I did not find the training particularly difficult . I only had to make sure I got up in the morning and got down the pool , and I kind of went as I felt , rather than being tied to some rigid workout . This morning at the end of the main workout and after I had a several minutes ' rest ( including in the jacuzzi ) , I raced my friend over 200m and one of the lifeguards timed us . My friend must have been a bit tired today and was not his normal speedy self , but I went 3m o7s , for the second day running . So at least yesterday 's swim was no fluke . Today I felt the swim was smoother and the turns better , which probably meant that I put in slightly more effort yesterday . I have not felt any discomfort today . So at this point I ask myself the question : in order to get better , do I need to engage in torturous training sessions ? I am constantly reading about people whose arms are about to drop off , or who are doing sets on wild send offs , or suffering a lot of discomfort from various kicking drills . So I don 't know . I will have to see what is necessary to get this swim time down to 3 minutes . A couple of days ago , our elder son came back from teaching an English class to a third grader . As he prepared the lesson , he learned the meaning of some fairly basic English words for the first time . He said to us that he was glad he was getting a chance to learn what children in English - speaking countries learn when they learn English in school . He did all of his elementary school studies in Chinese . What was even better , was that he was also being paid to learn things related to the English language that he missed when growing up . Today at our church , the theme of the message was Father 's Day . In the US , this is in June ( Posted by View of Kenting in the distance in the southern part of Taiwan . I 'd love to swim this stretch of the ocean , but I am told strong currents exist , it is rarely this calm , and an escort boat would be needed . Not having a swim coach to follow my progress at swimming or otherwise , the only thing I can really do is write about it , and then hopefully forget about it as I get on with the many important things I need to deal with in my life . My swim practices tend to be mostly focused on LSD ( long - slow - distance ) with one or two fast short sprints thrown in at the end . This is in large part due to the fact that the pool can get quite crowded and because I swim six mornings per week , meaning that , if the practices were too demanding , I would probably opt to stay in bed more often . In addition , I don 't want to get injured ( my stomach muscles are particularly sensitive ) doing some unusual and stupid movements in the water . I am training to be an open water swimmer and not a 200 IM specialist . A few months ago I set myself a goal of getting my time for a 400 meter swim in a pool down from about 7m 00s at that time to 6 minutes by about May 2009 . Several weeks ago I swam 6m 40s , so at least some progress has been made . The only difficulty with the 400m swim is that I always have to do it alone , so there is sometimes a little less incentive to try to push it , and there is always the feeling that someone might get in my way when I am just half way through it . Fortunately , a local swimmer at the pool , who is quite accomplished in all four strokes , has been in the habit of challenging me to freestyle races ( I only swim freestyle with any seriousness ) at the end of my daily workouts . We started with 50m , and then it became 100m , and the last week or two we have been racing over 200m . We always race during the last 5 minutes before the pool closes at 8 am for the first morning break , and so we usually have the two middle lanes to ourselves . Currently , our times are pretty close and sometimes ( usually ) he wins , and occasionally I win . So IPosted by I was born and grew up in the south - east of England , and as a child was a keen golfer . During my first year at university as an economics student , I became very drawn to Asian students and their respective countries . This led to further studies in the economics of developing countries and later the study of the Chinese language in Taiwan . In 1985 I married Hsiu - chin , and while we made Taiwan our home , we also lived for several years in Hawaii . It was there that I took up triathlon , completed the Hawaii Ironman in 2004 and took part in many smaller races . While I have gained much experience as a translator of Chinese , over the years I have developed a passion for other East Asian languages and cultures , including , but not limited to , Thai and Japanese , as well as other Chinese dialects . We currently reside in Kaohsiung , Taiwan , where I continue with language learning and triathlon training . Well , it 's been a while since I posted . Since then I 've moved to Ohio . This isn 't my favorite Kona pool but it 'll do for the summer months . Miss the isl . . . please keep it in order to retain your counter functionality The younger you are at insurance quotes time the cheaper they 'll be . while it is good to get cheap auto insurance the wise man will act carefully evaluating several proposals . You can always borrow against your life insurance policy . web page counters
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In our ninth grade world cultures class , we studied a different region of the globe each quarter . I remember the textbooks . Slim volumes of different colors , a country 's name printed in white text against the backdrop . A stock image photo of the Kremlin , the Great Wall . Russia , China . The first quarter we studied India . The next it was Africa . I didn 't necessarily recognize at the time that while most of the books covered a single country in and of itself , the African one was devoted to the full continent , all fifty - four countries . For one of our first exams on Africa , we had to label each of these countries with the correct name and spelling . To study , I color - coded the map and memorized each nation . I did well on the test , though like most of my precollegiate examinations , what I learned for the test , I didn 't retain , and I often have to look up the locations of smaller countries still when they 're referred to in a news story . Most of our elementary and secondary education system , at least at the time in which I engaged it , relies on rote memorization , and this I did recognize , even back then . Critical thought wasn 't encouraged , or at least , it wasn 't encouraged in any kind of widespread fashion . But some of the teachers asked it of us . And one of these teachers was Mrs . Holland . Mrs . Holland already made an appearance in these pages . In case you 've forgotten , she was the one who defended Delia Birch when the kids accosted her with whispers of " espionage " from the back of the classroom . She was the one who talked to us in the aftermath . It was part chastisement , but it was also encouragement . Encouragement to think critically . I 'm not sure I recognized it at the time - there are so many things I can say this of , things I didn 't recognize , but that registered ; seeds that were planted and germinated ; things that led me in the right direction even if I didn 't know it - but she was telling us not to follow blindly . To resist doing as you see others doing simply because it 's convenient , expedient . This is difficult as a teenager . I 'm not sure it 's any less difficult as a younger child and it 's maybe only a smidge less difficult as an adult . The power of the group is persuasive . The lock step and rhythm that popular thought encourages one to fall into , especially when being assailed by choices on all sides , choices we maybe haven 't had sufficient time to ponder and weight the pros and cons of , let alone research and form informed opinions about . It 's been my experience that people don 't like to be caught uncertain or be seen as lacking in knowledge . It makes us feel ignorant to say , " I don 't have the answer , " so we pretend to know things we don 't . We might allow those who argue more persuasively to form opinions for us . Simply so that we have one . So that we feel a part of something . It seems a human attribute that we 'd rather be resolute in our ignorance that abstain for lack of knowledge . And make no mistake , I say " we " because I can be just as guilty of this . This is , of course , abstraction . But in memory , this abstraction finds its first concrete example in the mock - OAU meeting we held in Mrs . Holland 's class . For the week , we arranged the desks in a circle and stared out on an orator in the center . OAU was short for the Organisation of African Unity , and our assignment was to write a resolution and present it to the committee for a vote . Despite having studied Africa all quarter , I still didn 't feel that I knew about it well enough to draft a resolution , and this terrified . And just as I had with Miss Vart 's social studies assignment back in eighth grade , I concocted something with enough muster to pass but ultimately forgettable . I can 't even recall which country I was supposed to represent . It might have been Somalia . I might have even picked Somalia , since I 'd seen it on the news , and I might have presented a " feed the nation " package , since that 's what everyone knew and my resolution would get approved . Minimal work ; passing grade . But I might be making this up . What I do remember is Dan Abrams standing before the class , making an impassioned plea for a unified language . " The problems of Africa , " he argued , " stem from misunderstandings in communication . There are between 1 , 500 and 2 , 000 languages spoken on our continent . What I 'm proposing is the creation of a unified continental language for all Africans . A language that resolves these miscommunications and allows us to come to the table as equals . " What he presented , of course , was the dream of Babylon . An immediate understanding of tongues . From a logical perspective , his proposal made sense . Why not create a universal language that all people could speak ? A language that would allow communication across borders , across nationalist barriers ? The result was so obvious , why was it a classroom full of thirteen and fourteen year olds could reach it while adults hadn 't been able ? I didn 't know anything about it . I 'd never spoken to anyone who didn 't speak English . I 'd always been understood . But it sounded good to me . I made a quick decision to vote yes for his resolution , as I 'm sure others did . It seemed a no - brainer . America had an official language . Sure , there were people who spoke Spanish at school . Some of the kids spoke Korean . A few of the kids even spoke Chinese . But classes were taught in English , right ? This was a great idea . When the vote was taken , however , and the resolution passed unanimously , Mrs . Holland sat in one of the student desks and looked crestfallen . We 'd seen that look before . It was the same look we 'd received when none of us had stood up for Delia Birch . She closed her eyes and shook her head and paused a moment before she spoke . " Class , " she said . " I 'm appalled . I am simply shocked and appalled by your vote . " She stood up . " Do you understand what language means ? Do you understand how important it is ? It 's a source of identity . It roots people in their culture . To simply strip them of that and replace it with a universal language is irresponsible at best . How would you feel if someone came into this class and told you that you couldn 't speak English anymore ? How would you feel if the tool you used to communicate with your family and friends your whole life was taken away from you ? This is what you 've elected to do . To diminish the beauty we find in difference , the richness . You 've voted for a more cohesive world , but a less beautiful one . " We sat in stunned silence . Somehow Mrs . Holland knew how to strike at our hearts , our emotions . She wasn 't treating us as children . At least , I didn 't feel that way . She was talking to us like adults who 'd made a bad decision . She was hoping to sway us , to change our minds . She was offering an appeal to our better natures and senses , just as she had with Delia Birch . Of course , the responsibility we were being imbued with , even if imaginary , was somewhat ridiculous . A class of predominantly white American teens diagnosing and discussing the ills of Africa . But to linger on this misses the point of the assignment , which was to learn about the countries there , to identify their hardships , their difficulties , and empathize . By doing so , I believe Mrs . Holland hoped we 'd gain some understanding or insight into the lives of others , how the problems of a nation couldn 't be solve in one broad stroke . But if our vote was any indication , we 'd failed . One of the problems , naturally , was that in preparation we 'd read only a textbook , Chinua Achebe 's Things Fall Apart , and Alan Patton 's Cry , the Beloved Country . This taught us factual information , colonialism and apartheid , all of which had far - reaching impact on contemporary Africa , but none of which detailed the problems as they existed in a temporary setting : government corruption , civil war , the West stripping these countries of their natural resources . Of modern Africa , we knew only the sickly children with flies on their eyes we saw in infomercials . And so to make a mock OAU of us made a mockery of the OAU . But I don 't blame her . Maybe she would have taught us more if she could have . But government corruption and American exploitation weren 't approved themes in our ninth grade class . Nevertheless , she pointed us in the right direction . While Miss Vart had gone apoplectic at Jason Kim 's pretzel presentation , which to me meant she 'd eschewed mention of racial or cultural differences , preferring to pretend they didn 't exist and we were all on big hands across America family , Mrs . Holland had deemed that our differences didn 't separate us , but enriched our lives . That having various languages was a beautiful thing . And we 'd opted instead for homogenization . The word fascism hadn 't been uttered , but what we 'd voted for might have only fallen one step short of it , the hive mind . And we 'd voted this way because we 'd only seen the benefits of a common language . Not one of us had stepped back to contemplate what the differences might have been . Who would have controlled the universal language , the way that might work to reinforce preexisting power structures and continue to disenfranchise people . How might the language form . Would the dominant tongue use this measure to erase marginalized people . It was easier too when one looked around and saw the rest of the class voting yes to simply raise my hand . We , as ninth graders , didn 't have enough knowledge of history to understand how stripping people of their language had worked in the past . How it had been used to divide slaves and make it more difficult to rebel when they were brought to the US . And I hadn 't read enough literature yet to know how language could be used to resist submission , to fight back . And though I couldn 't foresee how Mrs . Holland 's retort that day would affect me later , I became more curious about the world . I read as far and wide as I could , literature from all cultures all over the globe , anything I could get my hands on . I explored film beyond mainstream Hollywood or independent American cinema . I started to see music a different way . I noticed thWhich doesn 't mean I learned not to follow blindly right then and never did it again . The struggle is constant . It is , of course , why the arts are so important . They teach us to think , question , show us a window into other lives . It remind us that we alone aren 't the world , that it 's much larger than we see day - to - day , that it 's larger than any one of us can hold . As I 've been writing this , I find myself disappearing into the past . I might have alluded to this already . But once I finished junior high I had to take a break , set some distance , remove myself from my youth . Part of this is that I have responsibilities toward my wife and my children . My wife has pointed out the disappearance . " You 're in the room with us , " she says . " But I can see you 're somewhere else . " At times , it makes me happy , stepping back , thinking of Lex and Elisa . Our music . Learning to create with a friend . Learning to live life . At others , I feel vulnerable . I don 't wish I 'd made different decisions necessarily , but I miss him sometimes . If you 're reading these words , you may wonder why . Jim Lyons , for example , was the better friend to me , if your measure of a friend is someone who 's there for you when you 're suffering , when you need them . Someone who stops by to check on you and cares about your well - being . And yes , this is one type of friendship , a type I value deeply . It 's the reason we 're still friends . I credit the day with him at the bookstore with saving me from my anxiety and depression . True , I fought it to spite Lex , but if he 'd never shown up , I never would have had that motivation . But this , in itself , pinpoints what I miss about Lex when I think about him . No one has ever challenged me the way he did . I 've made friends with writers over the years whose work I respect , writers with whom I have report and exchange work . But they 're not trying to do the same thing as me . We 're not in direct competition . Lex and I , when we formed our band , had the same goal in mind . We wanted to create great music , and to this end , we both wanted to be a better songwriter than the other . I believe this made me push myself . And I 've never had this relationship with anyone else . Maybe you only get it once in your life if you 're lucky . Maybe , in helping to give me drive , in helping to steer me in a certain direction , the brief time we shared was all I needed . It 's ingraIt 's possible the past is best left in the past . Yet , I 'm compelled to keep coming back to it . As soon as I started this , I wasn 't able to stop . I tore through those first few chapters , composing what amounts to about half a novel in a little over a month . To some writers , this is nothing , but to me , it 's a breakneck pace . I can 't keep it up without exhausting myself . I 'm far more emotionally drained in accessing these memories than I 'd expected to be . Then , too , drafting this live ( and please , make no mistake , this is a draft ; if you see awkward sentence constructions or typos , this is the reason ; I do a quick proofread before posting but it 's hardly a comprehensive edit ) changes the way I write . There 's a reason they tell you to never show a work in progress to an audience : it makes the writing increasingly difficult . For all the positive comments and feedback , the compliments to my memory , people thanking me for sharing this story , one glib remark is all it takes for self - doubt to creep in , for me to get derailed ( even if the person making that glib remark misunderstands what I 'm trying to do here ) . This isn 't simply nostalgia or a celebration of any one moment or event in high school , but a chronicle of friendship . Sometimes I frame this as I experienced it then . At others , I frame it in retrospect , but in both cases , I hope to make such events part of a larger narrative . I 've been writing and publishing for eight years . I 've experienced my share of rejection , and I have the tools to muscle through self - doubt , to keep myself coming back , but that doesn 't make it easy . What am I doing this for ? What does it mean ? Why am I doing it ? Do I have any talent at all ? Should anyone even pay attention ? All these things run through my head as I progress . And of course , all the while , I 'm dealing with everyday life : taking my kids to daycare , working my office job , trying to be an attentive husband to my wife . And all the while , I 'm compelled to return to this . By revealing myself and writI had a difficult time those first two years of high school . More difficult than some , not as difficult as others . While writing this , I learned that Delia Birch was autistic . This is one of those spaces I disappear into , something I 've been contemplating . Another failure . And by failure I mean a failure for all of us . I see this now through adult eyes as a father . Her parents wanting the best for their child . She was different . Not pretentious different . Not feigning difference but really the same . She carried an affliction most of us can 't imagine . And because she had this affliction but still showed signs of being able to handle the school workload , still showed signs of functioning , her parents faced a choice : send her to a school for people with her affliction or trust in the goodness of other children and send her to a public school and hope the kids there treated her with kindness and understanding . More likely than not , this decision was difficult for them to make . But in the end , they decided to test the waters , to see how their daughter would fair and she did well . As I said , Mrs . Holland 's world cultures class was honors level , advanced placement . Delia Birch 's parents had placed their faith in their daughter . But they 'd also placed it in us , in our better selves , our better natures , and we let them down . Part of this was ignorance . What did we know of autism back then beyond Rain Man ? We weren 't told she was autistic . As I mentioned , I didn 't learn this until three weeks ago . We just thought she was weird . But her parents wanted their daughter treated like everyone else , and they gambled and they lost . And she suffered , but I only noticed her suffering peripherally because I couldn 't see beyond my own . I 'd entered the school year optimistically . Over the summer , I 'd paged through the yearbook and read the signatures and looked at friend 's photos . I also picked out my clothes for the first day of school . Or , in my head , I knew what I wanted to wear . To pick them out and say , lay them on my bed , would have implied I cared and I didn 't want to seem that way to my parents or Lex or anyone . I wore my favorite shirt . A green polo shirt with vertical black stripes , black shorts . I was still wearing Airwalks even though I 'd quit skating . And I had a Seattle Mariners baseball hat I adored . I was a Phillies fan through and through . But I liked the Mariners ' hat better , and since they were in the American League and the Phillies in the National - interleague play was still a decade or so off - I didn 't feel I was betraying my hometown squad . I had walked to the bus stop , the first on its route , and taken the big yellow school bus and met Kurt Grunwald and Mark Deeire who boarded at the next stop . Neither would play much role in my life , though I 'd be on an intramural bowling team with Mark for a while in eleventh and twelfth grade . He drove our team to the alley , he was a nice guy , but I never got to know him well . We talked during the bus ride . Stupid nervous chatter , and once we arrived we split up . Lex wasn 't on my bus anymore , and Reed was gone . I went to homeroom and did the roll call . That first day the Freshman arrived early and had a half - day to acclimate themselves without the upperclassmen present . This made the day bearable since I got to see the friends whose signatures and pictures I 'd gazed at in the yearbook . But I expected warmer receptions . I 'd stop in the hall and nod and say , " How was your summer ? " and they 'd say , " All right " and maybe elaborate a bit . But I could tell right away there 'd been a drift in our camaraderie . Part of this was that most of the friends I 'd made the previous year weren 't in my classes . Lex was in none of them . He 'd dropped French . We were Why hadn 't I taken the text , at least for English ? I loved to read . I read voraciously and understood what I read . I did well on the reading comprehension portions of standardized testing . With science , I understood why I 'd dodged the honors test . I 'd never had much affinity for science . But why hadn 't I taken the English test ? Maybe I did and didn 't pass . That 's a possibility . My grades in Mr . Blyweiss 's eighth grade Language Arts class were three Bs and an A over the four quarters . Maybe that wasn 't enough to gain access to the honors class . Had there even been a test ? Or had they simply selected the students with the best grades , with all As . It 's possible they announced the test , and as usual , I wasn 't paying attention and didn 't find out until afterward . A number of things I missed owing to a propensity to daydream , to self - involvement , to living in my own little world . This , of course , had manifested in writing the occasional story . Beyond my fifth - grade genre exercise , " Slime in the Telephone Lines , " I 'd joined a writing group at school in seventh grade , headed by the Reading Study Skills instructor Mr . Carroll . The first story I 'd submitted was called " Antarctica . " It detailed a group of vampires living in caves in the Antarctic , hunting during the seasons of where dark overtook the land for days , months . It was essentially 30 Days of Night before 30 Days of Night without my bothering to conduct any research on the continent and whether the " days of night " happened there or elsewhere . Had I been a bit more savvy I would have set it in Alaska , Norway , Sweden . Somewhere far north . Somewhere with a population my vampires could stalk . Instead , they were in the middle of nowhere , where no one lived . They had no one to stalk , so I had to invent a population . I had intended the story to be dark , menacing , scary . I 'd read Salem 's Lot by Stephen King in the sixth grade , and it was my favorite book at the time . I wanted to test that terror , to see if I could recreate it . An " Did you write that story about vampires in Antarctica ? " she asked . This was the first time I 'd been rejected for something I wrote . Or no , that 's not exactly right . I wasn 't rejected . I was accepted for the wrong reasons , which felt like rejection anyway . And it wasn 't the last time that would happen either . Still , I walked around the rest of that day feeling hollowed out . My story was stupid . I was stupid . And this was the way I 'd walked the halls during most of my freshman year . My only refuge was playing guitar . My only sanctum , Lex 's room . He hadn 't yet moved downstairs to Ava 's spot . We were still upstairs in the back bedroom where we played . He 'd done it up , too . Glow in the dark stars on his ceiling . A lava lamp . Some nights all of us would just lie around in the dark looking up at his ceiling , laying on his bed , me and Drew Schiff and Rick and Sonny Ford and Lex . Listening to music . We took turns choosing the music . Drew Schiff had taken to the first Counting Crows record , August and Everything After , and he played it a lot . I 'd lie there and listen to " Perfect Blue Buildings " and think of how sad it was . How we were all striving to be something we 're not , perfect in the eyes of another . I wanted to be in love but wasn 't . I wanted to find someone to spend my time with , so I wasn 't lying in a bed with five dudes listening to Counting Crows on Friday night . I wanted to be perfect in some girl 's eyes , loved in return . But I didn 't love anyone . I didn 't even know who to set my sights on . And this left me adrift . Drew 's cousin Tony P . was older than us . He got his license that summer , the one between eight and ninth for Lex and me , and when we weren 't sitting in Lex 's room on Friday nights , we were driving around , first in Tony P . 's dad 's Mercury Cougar , which we pushed to ninety one night on a stretch of Waverly Road and then when he could afford his own car , Tony P . 's Plymouth Horizon . The windows in the back were tinted and he got a new system put in , and we blasted Dr . Dre 's The Chronic ( he only stopped pumping Chronic when Snoop put out Doggystyle ; Drew would later get his license and his cassette tape of choice was Pearl Jam 's Vs . , which seemed polar opposites ) . We thought we were bad - asses . We were testing limits , flirting with car wrecks , and some nights we might have had them if I hadn 't provided the voice of reason , " That doesn 't sound like a good idea . " Sonny Ford sat shotgun because of how big he was while Drew , Lex and I piled into the back seat and fought to not sit bitch , sandwiched between the other two . One night Sonny Ford brought a carton of eggs along and pegged people from the passenger seat . For a big guy , he was athletic . He had great aim . He nailed a guy with a leather jacket and we laughed and laughed at the angry look on his face , his receding form flailing about in the rear view mirror . But all that time , even when we laughed , even when our pulses raced with the speed we were doing , flying over the hills on Township Line Road late at night , I wished I was somewhere else , with someone else , though who I didn 't yet know . It went beyond the yearning for a crush . It went beyond just liking a girl because she was pretty . I wanted these things , attraction , beauty . But it was more than that . I wanted intimacy . I wanted to be able to tell this girl things , whoever , she was . I wanted the same type of connection I had with Lex but with a girl . I wanted to have a love that would change my life , change me . In Mrs . Wolpert 's English class , I had read an abridged version of Great Expectations and was swept away with the romance of it . Pip 's yearning for Estella . The jilted Mrs . Haversham , so diminished and wounded by her rejection in love , that she charts her course as one of vengeance on men . Dickens had made love and yearning so dramatic . He 'd made life seem so much more important in words than the one I was currently living . I wanted an Estella . Even if she wounded me . Even if I was rejected . I wanted to feel that deeply outside of a book , beyond words . And if I couldn 't have it there , then maybe I 'd create it with my own words , but my medium was music , and I still wasn 't writing my own songs . Whenever I 'd tried they came off as pale imitations of existing songs , better songs . Or they were overly complicated . Most of the songs I liked were about yearning and love . I tried to write about that , but the lyrics were hollow , cliche . I need to have someone to write about , someone to make it true . That summer , the summer between eighth and ninth grade , Smashing Pumpkins had released Siamese Dream , and this record had hit me at the deepest levels . In the same way Achtung Baby had been the album we listened to all summer the summer before , Siamese Dream was the one I played over and over . Lex 's sister Ava had given him the Pumpkins first album Gish and he 'd lent it to me , but outside of " Siva " and " Rhinoceros , " I wasn 't much interested . He claimed that the first record was better , but it was prelude . Dream was a masterpiece . It captured the wistful tone I felt over the summer and first year of high school , the yearning for connection , the dream of floating away . From the first single , the plexicolored video for Cherub Rock , I loved the sound . I put the record low on the CD player next to my bed when I went to sleep at night . I played it at a bit louder volume the next morning when I woke . I maxed it out midday . It had a strange quality of making me yearn for youth and innocence despite the fact I was young and innocent . Like I somehow had to recapture halcyon moments , and as the loneliness set in Freshman year , I felt it more keenly . Here was a record that spoke directly to me . I liked a lot of different music , eclectic music and I was letting new sounds in all the time , sometimes at Lex 's suggestion , sometimes at my parents or other friends . But if there were a music I wanted our music to sound like , this was it . I wanted to write songs that sounded like this , that moved like this , that moved me just like this . Still , I didn 't write any songs . I didn 't know how . Then one night , Lex and I started to try . Some nights , our whole group sat in Lex 's room , but frequently it was the two of us . We tried inviting other musicians to play , but it rarely worked out . One night we 'd invited Anne Schmolze , who I later became good friends with , to sit in with us . She had a nice voice and played guitar , but mostly she sat and listened to us , listened to me . I was probably trying to show off . I do this in front of people I want to like me . I had recently learned " Hey Joe " and I played it well and I liked to show people I played it well because playing " Hey Joe " required skill . So I ripped into it which likely didn 't make her feel at ease . This was one of my problems with making friends back then . I figured other people would like me because I was good at things so I tried to show off , when really it was much more likely they 'd want to be my friend if I showed an interest in them . Most of the time when I did this , show an interest in someone else , it was really just someone I wanted to be acquainted with . As soon as I really liked someone , I talked too much , I showed off , preened . I still do it , too . Only now I know I 'm doing it , and I tell myself , " Stop doing that , " and it 's like there are two versions of me : one that knows I should stop and tells myself to hold back and calm down and the other who can 't help himself . So even when we had a guest , someone new to play with , it didn 't last long and went back to being me and Lex quickly enough . Lex took guitar lessons from a teacher named Rich at the Music Works . Rich was cool in a way Lex admired . He had a certain smile . He wore suits and shades . He carried his guitar like a session musician , though I couldn 't have cared less . For some reason I was resistant to the whole idea of lessons . I preferred , having taught myself , to continue doing just that . I figured it gave me a style all of my own . Of course , Rich taught him technical aspects I couldn 't figure out alone , but I picked up anything Rich taught him as soon as Lex showed it to me . My electric guitar , a black Ibanez , was a piece of shit by then . I hadn 't taken very good care of it , and the sound reflected this . So when Lex bought a Fender Telecaster with money he 'd earned busing tables , I took over the imitation Gibson Es - 335 his parents had bought him when he decided he wanted to play guitar . His parents were supportive of all his artists pursuits and helped him out when he decided music was his thing . They 'd bought him the imitation Gibson and bankrolled the lessons . My dad had also been supportive and bought me an Ovation acoustic for my birthday , and whenever we weren 't playing loud , whenever night arrives and his parents urged us to quiet down , we put the electric guitars away and pulled out the acoustic . We played The Cure songs , " Killing an Arab " and " Boys Don 't Cry " and " Jumping Someone Else 's Train . " We played Nirvana . Lex had bought a drum machine and he 'd programmed in the entire sequence of drums for " Come as You Are . " We played it in his living room when his parents weren 't home , swaying a bit to the side , like we were Nirvana , doing just as they did in the video . I had purchased a delay pedal , and we played Neil Young songs like " Down by the River " and " Cinnamon Girl " and I used it to create the same effects he did on his guitar solos . I played Hendrix , but Lex wasn 't up to it yet . He could follow the chord progression of " Hey Joe , " but that was all . When I tried " Little Wing , " IOne night , sitting in his room , talking , Lex broached the subject of writing our own material . But I hadn 't shown him anything . None of the songs I 'd written were any good . And all were derivative . I 'm not sure what I was expecting . That one day I 'd wake up imbued with the magical gift of song craft . " Here 's what we 're gonna do , " he said . He pulled out his boombox . " I 'm gonna hit record . We 're going to pass the guitar back and forth , and we 'll just play and sing whatever comes into our heads . We record it just in case we get anything good . And if we don 't , it doesn 't matter , does it ? No one 'll hear but us . " I looked at him with distrust . I knew that confidences promised didn 't always remain confidences . He 'd told Jennifer Mills about my breakup with Susan Osmond the year before , even when I 'd asked him not to . Over the summer , when Lex and Sonny Ford had been making fun of me , I 'd then resorted to sharing Lex 's attempt to woo Jennifer Mills with a Lenny Kravitz song . " You know what this little bitch did , " I said , pointing to Lex . " He called her on the phone , all swooning … ' You are the most beautiful thing , I 've ever seen ' , " I warbled . And yet , I went along with his plan to record us signing improvised songs . So we began . He pressed record and started to play . The chord progressions were standard . C - G - D . C - A minor - G . C - F - C - F - C - F - G . We weren 't breaking any new ground . We didn 't add any seventh chords , nothing diminished , the only minor chords we played were E and A minor . There were no guitar solos . And every once in a while , we broke into a cover , a sloppy rendition of " Blister in the Son " for example . After our initial trepidation , we loosened up and began showing off , not with guitar chops , but for comedic effect . We became , over the course of that evening , uninhibited , ridiculous , loopy . After he 'd finished his first song , a song that 's faded in memory now ( I thought I might still have the tape , but I 've been unable to located it ) , he handed me the guitar and I took it with trepidation . Twenty minutes later , I was calling for it . As soon as he finished playing , I put out my hand . I had a small Pignose amp my aunt had given me form her days playing guitar , and I saw it , and started to sing about a girl walking down the street , a girl who was beautiful but for one feature , and yet , that feature was the most alluring at all . " She had a pig nose ! " I belted . " And it made me horny ! " While Lex joined in from the background , " Horny ! Horny ! " ( Perhaps it 's all for the best that this tape was lost ) . We rolled about , laughing . Of course , none of the songs we created that night ever amounted to anything . We never played them again . We didn 't develop them . But it got me loose . It got me thinking about writing . I could do it , I could make up riffs . The only thing was lyrics . They scared me . I wasn 't sure what to say . I wasn 't sure that I had anything to say , nothing important anyway .
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And here is a close - up of the newest sign posted by yours truly two weeks ago . Yes , it 's sad that I have to do this , but the problem was solved immediately . I did try gently asking folks a few months back if they understood not to throw trash into the bin . They all nodded , " of course , of course . " And then there was the work meeting several years back when I told everyone we were going to play a fun game . Yay ! I then placed three different blue recycling bins on the conference table ; one labeled cardboard , the other plastics 1 - 7 , the other labeled cans and bottles . As my co - workers stared at me open - mouthed I then tossed out random recyclable items like a cardboard box that had once housed a cell phone , a sardine can , a plastic bottle , the meeting minutes for that very meeting , and asked my co - workers to try and figure out which bin to throw them in . Put the bottle in the can marked , " CANS AND BOTTLES " and Bingo ! You win ! It reminded me of Saturday Night Live 's Celebrity Jeopardy . That went over like a lead balloon . But now we are out of the dark ages in Philly because we have single stream recycling so really all you have to do is STOP PUTTING YOUR TRASH IN THE BIN . If you don 't want to be part of the solution , you 're part of the problem , remember that . I thought it was going to be epic because I made a big decision at the eleventh hour . I was feeling energized by it , but also a bit fearful , which is the way life changing decisions are supposed to feel , right ? I took the plunge and signed up for Marie Forleo 's B - school even though my chalice runneth over right now ; and I mean big time . It 's a gigantic leap forward in my plan to support myself through entrepreneurship rather than earning my money working for someone else in a job that does not inspire me creatively . B - school only happens once per year , but the timing for me could not be worse right now . I am currently selling my house myself , which is shaping up to be way more work than I thought . Plus working full time , attempting to plan my upcoming trip to Oregon to find a place for the homestead , traveling to PaleoFx in Austin a few weeks later , as well as running my urban homestead here in Philadelphia . Somehow in all that I find time to train but there is no time for much else . And I 'm going to add homework to that ? As it turns out , the real drama happened Wednesday around 2pm when I left work to take Mad and Chloe on a walk . I needed to get some fresh air and mark the importance of my decision by taking a break from the numbers and legal releases I am immersed in all day . The dogs and I have actually enjoyed this snowy winter on the East Coast that everyone else has been complaining about , because we live near the Wissahickon and work near the John Heinz National Wildlife Refuge , two bucolic islands of green in our concrete and asphalt surroundings . It is easy for us to duck quickly out of our urban environment and be in the woods in a matter of minutes . And with the ground in perpetual permafrost this year the the paws stay clean and that ubiquitous snow muffles the sounds of humanity so we can pretend we are already in the Oregon wilderness ; when in fact we can have our hike and be back in the office in 45 minutes . The dogs get to hunt and bound about off leash and I get to dream of of my big plans and walk a mile or two , in solitude . But Wednesday , what can I say , things went horribly wrong . I decide to take the dogs on the " safe " part of the refuge where a man - made peninsula juts out into the Delaware River about the length of a football field . It is a gas line , but covered with gravel so the dogs ' paws don 't get terribly muddy when the other side of the park is too swampy . Water laps at the reeds on both sides of its banks ; and I often see herons , deer and turtles there . We do a quick up and back and head back to the office on most days . So Madison , Chloe and I get out of the car and in less than a minute we are walking out to this view above . I 'm talking on the phone with my friend Ted , a rancher out in Oregon , when , Ill be damned , a deer that was grazing way out on the peninsula became startled at seeing the three of us . The deer bolts directly at us , since we are blocking his only escape by land . The sight of a prey animal running directly at her drove Chloe into a frenzy . The deer veered left about 30 feet before it ran into Chloe and leapt into the icy Delaware River , and Chloe jumped right in after it ! I could not believe it . My dogs never swim in winter 's cold waters . They are city dogs who didn 't even know how to swim until I taught them in 2010 . " Holy shit my dog just jumped in the river after that deer ! " I exclaimed into the phone , and before Ted could say anything , I shouted , " I gotta run , I 've got to get this on film . . . bye ! " Obviously I was still thinking that this was just going to be amusing . Chloe would quickly realize chasing the animal was futile and she would return and I would hasten the dogs off the peninsula so the deer could make its escape . Or so I thought . Chloe was motoring through the water after the deer , literally in a trance , which happens to dogs with strong prey - drives who get very close to a large mammal they consider a good candidate for dinner . As I held up my iPhone videoing the event , calling to her , she uttered those guttural yelps and kept swimming out farther and farther until both she and the deer were about 200 feet from shore in 35 degree water . I shut off the phone and my heart sank . Chloe was a natural swimmer , but at 12 years - old has arthritis and gets very stiff with exercise . She can 't really swim in even warm water for very long , preferring to take short trips across the creek and then rest . My voice on the 57 - second video starts to break in fear , " the deer is drowning , and this is my weak dog who can 't swim for that long . . . . . " I start to scream for Chloe to come back , as I know she only has a few minutes left before her limbs stop moving from the cold , her arthritis and her lack of endurance . I screamed her name but she couldn 't even hear me , she was still barking at the deer in that crazy trance . I watched in fear and horror as the terrified deer tried vainly to leap up onto the ice floe , his front legs slipping off of it each time he reared up out of the water . As I watch , he tries to leap up one more time and then gives up , exhausted , disappearing under the icy water . With no prey there to distract her anymore , Chloe , who is so far away now she is barely a little speck of a blond head bobbing in the brown , cold water , looks like she is not going to make it much longer . She starts to spin around and suddenly realizes she is out in the middle of the damn river . What had happened ? Chloe chasing the deer on the way out towards the ice floe , which is about 100 feet from shore There was no way Chloe was coming back . I was going to stand here on the banks and watch her drown right in front of her littermate . How could I ever live with myself ? My voice was almost gone from screaming for Chloe for what seemed like an eternity . After the deer expired I knew Chloe did not have much time . I knew she could not swim back in that cold water all by herself . I was very upset and I remember the dispatcher telling me to lower my voice . " My dog is drowning in the river . " I was crying now , but my voice was clear . I knew what I had to do . " I 'm at the John Heinz Wildlife Refuge . On the gas line side . You will see my black Infiniti in the parking lot . I 'm going in the water to get her . She 's pretty far away , I 'm not sure if we will make it back - - please send an ambulance . " " Ma ' am . . . wait . . . you 've got to talk to the medic ! " the man said , trying to keep me on the phone . All I could think about was Chloe disappearing into that brown icy water , never to be seen again . John Heinz under ice " I have to go now ! " I cried and tossed the phone on my coat which I had thrown to the ground . I told Madison I was going to get Chloe and I and scrambled over the trash , reeds , mud and ice . I was wearing tall suede boots with a thick clunky 3 - inch platform . I started to fumble with the zipper because I knew they would slow me down , but I decided to keep them on because the seconds were ticking . Without the deer to distract her and keep that adrenaline racing through her veins , Chloe was going to be toast in a minute . Screw the boots . And perhaps having them on would save my toes . I stepped into the mud and debris , my boots slipping on the silty bottom , and I pushed myself forward into the icy brown Delaware , screaming " God , please save my dog , please dear God , please save Chloe . . . PLEASE ! " I was literally screaming at the top of my lungs in anguish . I don 't talk to God very often so I was hoping he might pay attention since he might have forgotten I was down here . I use this method with my family too . I figure if I don 't often call or make a nuisance of myself by showing up consistently at family events I will always be considered a special guest when I finally do show my damn face . And this truly was one of the darkest moments of my life . I really did not think I would ever see Chloe again . But into the water I went , on this surreal March afternoon , heading straight for my faltering dog . I really had no idea how long a person can swim in 35 degree F water . I have always been a decent swimmer , and I actually prefer lakes , oceans and streams to chlorine - laden heated indoor pools , but I had no knowledge of how long you last before hypothermia sets in and the limbs go numb . I figured if I called the ambulance at least they could pull my body out and deliver it to my mother if things went badly . I had my glasses on and my favorite white sparkly hat , no joke , and I kept my head out of the water , which meant I would swim slower , but the water was so dark without my glasses I would not be able to find her , especially if she started to sink . I needed my vision , and I thought perhaps if my brain stayed warmer it would keep me going longer . I had a long way to get out to her and back . I was so afraid she would not be able to hold out until I got there . It was sheer , absolute terror , and I have to tell you I 've never pushed so hard in my life ; I mean I gave it everything I had . Two seconds after the water got so deep I was off my feet and swimming I ran into something solid , which smacked me in the chest , knocking the wind out of me . I pushed it aside and started swimming , as fast as I could . " Chloe ! " I screamed , crying " hold on Chloe ! I 'm coming to get you ! Hold on Chloe ! Chloe ! " I was gasping as the cold water lapped around my face , stinging , mocking my clumsiness . And so it went . The water was thick because it was only a few degrees above freezing , and there were sheets of ice in it that cut my chin and neck as I powered through towards my drowning child . But I could still see her still ; just barely , her head was a little mop floating so far away . I was not even sure if she could hear me . Her body was perpendicular to the water now , just her head bobbing weakly and her back already sunk underneath her when it should have been strong and parallel to the water . Her arthritic back legs were giving out on her . I pushed so damn hard , churning through the icy liquid and debris . This was the hardest swim of my life . I don 't know how long it took me . I reached Chloe , and my limbs were already starting to freeze but I grasped her collar and knew there was hope . There was so much adrenaline running thought my body the cold was not even an issue but for my limbs getting heavy and increasingly useless . I pulled her towards me and I could see she was scared and confused , and seemed surprised to see me there . She did not " Come honey " , I said , and pulled her back towards shore , which seemed very far away . I was scared we would not make it . The expired deer , which had tried over and over again to hop up onto the ice floe just ten feet from where we were now , had submerged beneath the depths . Chloe was not much help swimming back . I had to help her stay afloat , all the time talking to her in a voice that I hoped would not betray how scared I was . And with one frozen arm around my dog , I started the swim back . My legs and arms were blocks of ice , and they were feeling more like anchors and less like fins as the minutes wore on . At one point I was really faltering , and I let go of Chloe 's collar , thinking she would follow me . The shore was just a thin sliver so far away . Instead , her instincts told her to swim to the nearest land so she spun around and paddled back towards the Ice Floe of Death . " No Chloe ! Chloe ! " I swam back and grabbed her collar . We only had a few minutes before we both drowned . My mother did not deserve my body delivered to her like this . I pushed , hard , holding my 55 - lb dog , coaxing and pleading with her not to give up . I felt like my circles were getting smaller in the water as my arms and legs were tightening , the blood in my veins moving slower and becoming gelatinous , but I thought of all the 9 - hour endurance races I had suffered through . My life had always been about never giving up . Never . About halfway back , as I tugged the dog toward shore still wondering if we were going to make it , suddenly there was Madison paddling towards us , who I could barely see because her black coat blended perfectly with the dark water , and at this point my glasses were wet . Madison aka Super Dog , who is smart enough NOT to jump in cold water no matter what . But suddenly she was a furry black Angel , because it was at this point when I was not sure if I could keep swimming while holding Chloe . I was having trouble keeping my own head up with only one arm . But in a second , Madison glided over to us as nonchalantly if this were oMadison paddled over to us , and did a graceful ark in the water and Chloe put her paws on her sisters back , only for an instant , as Madison turned toward shore supporting her sister as if this had all been choreographed . And that was all Chloe needed . She came alive , receiving that gift of energy from the sister with whom she had shared their mother 's womb . And it was what I needed too , because suddenly all I had to do was swim the fifty feet back myself , without the difficulty of dragging a large dog . And with that we all swam to shore together , Madison leading the way . I was the last one out of the water , encumbered as I was by clothes , platform boots , and exposed fingers . I dragged myself back to my coat , my legs buckling under me as I fell to the ground . My phone rang . My fingers were frozen . But I answered it . Thank you touch - screen . About 4 seconds later I saw two paramedics walking towards me from the entrance to the peninsula . I struggled to my feet . Chloe was shivering , but both dogs seemed okay . All three of us walked back toward them , and I was giddy , I mean giddy , elated that my girls were safe . All of us were safe ! The air , which was about 45 degrees F that day , seemed so warm . So warm . As I walked slowly towards the men , there was a big smile on my face . They peppered me with questions . How long was I in the water ? Did I have any health conditions ? Could I walk faster so I could get out of the cold ? As I looked towards the parking lot , there were about two cop cars , two unmarked cars , and an ambulance . There were plainclothes officers , uniformed officers , and the paramedics ; Jesus , it seemed like the whole town was there in the parking lot to look at the spectre that rose up from the swamp with her two hounds . And no wonder I looked like a ghost . I looked down at what I was wearing . As it turned out , I was all decked out in winter white that day : cream leggings , a cream - colored sheer long top with rhinestones , and a cream - colored cropped Bebe sweater . When I looked down at my soaking wet thighs , it looked like I had nothing on at all . Nothing . Crap . They told me I had hyporthermia ; my lips and feet were blue , and I needed to go to the hospital . I just wanted to go back to work , to take a hot shower , and to make sure the dogs were okay . They were not having that . Then I made the mistake of telling them I had a pacemaker , because they asked me and my brain was too foggy to be clever . Never tell paramedics you have a pacemaker , even if you insist that you only had it " installed " so you could race your damn bike . Yeah right . You have a better chance of avoiding the one - way ticket to the ER if you had a knife hanging out of your back . So Boss # 2 and Gordon came from the office to drive the dogs back to Liberty , where they were left in my heated office to relax on their beds . The police officers had wrapped Chloe in a blanket and turned on the heat in my car while I was in the ambulance , which I found incredibly cool . So Chloe was okay , but Madison was very upset that I had been taken away after our trauma and apparently she bolted and led them on quite a chase through the neighborhood looking for me . After the paramedics told the triage team that I had taken a 10 - minute swim in the Delaware I was asked if I had a prior history of mental health issues . My heart rate was 155 when I got to the ER , but everything else checked out fine . The shivering that had started after the adrenaline wore off finally dissipated after I got out of the wet clothes . In a few hours I was back at the office where the three of us had a grand reunion . I could not wait to see Mad and Chloe . I ripped off my EKG leads as I ran up the stairs , threw open my office door and dove into the dog bed , as I was showered with joyous barks and licks . I did a few work items ( ! ) before driving the crew home . I was damn tired . I was sad , later , thinking about the deer dying like that . It is painful to watch the video and see the animal suffer and die , for no reason . But I am incredibly grateful that I was able to save Chloe , and I can 't even imagine how horrible it would have been to have lost her like that , because of my own negligence . And yes , those of you who have read this far have realized that in fact , both Madison and Chloe are not my natural offspring but were in fact adopted , but that does not make me love them any less . If there is a moral to this story , it 's just the one that has been said so many times before ; and that of course is that you never know what life will throw at you , or when , so don 't think your life is going to start when you achieve this goal or that one . If you are suffering through a bad marriage , poor health , or a soul - sucking job ; you need to be doing everything humanly possible to change your situation , now , even if it means you have to remove yourself from the comfort of your carefully constructed delusions . It 's not easy , trust me I know this . Remember , the discomfort you must suffer to achieve any worthy goal is temporary . However with persistence and faith , the results you gain from suffering through it are permanent . A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight , and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world . Oscar Wilde And just like that , 2013 is over . Heck we 're almost through the first piece of the twelve - slice cake known as 2014 . And if I have my way it 's going to be a gluten - free chocolate torte . I stopped writing in the blog because I needed to spend every extra beat of time working on the house renovations . In addition to working full time I was managing the various contractors , designing , sourcing and ordering various products , and of course pretty much doing all of the painting myself . You must understand because I 'm a damn artist I had to choose a 5 - color paint scheme to showcase my original 1920s woodwork that we had so painstakenly restored down to the bare wood , removing 85 years worth of toxic paint layers with an infrared paint tool . The result is amazing but I did a lot of the painting with a half inch artist brush , just so you can understand how many hours it took me to cut in all of that detail . The house at 3434 is the hermit shell that keeps our paws dry and provides a place for me to cook all that paleo goodness , but it has also felt like a prison at times since the housing market tanked all over the US . In the past couple of years all I have wanted to do is get out of here , so I have avoided getting involved with people or projects that could cause me to put down roots . That 's one thing when you 're still in your twenties . It 's quite another when you are . . . well . . . beyond your twenties . So like I said , it 's been a solitary existence , but I know I need to leave this place : my energies are needed elsewhere . Painting was the easy part . There is something incredibly satisfying about working with your hands for hours on end ; applying pigment to material with deliberate brush strokes that calm the monkey mind . It frees the brain to ruminate on the bigger picture : beyond what to eat or how to make money . A lot of self - reflection went on between all the podcasts I listened to up on that roof . It was the year that I said goodbye to the structures that had framed the delusions of my adult life . And one does not wrest themselves from those demons easily , no , those creatures shake your bones as they leave you . Ah , delusions , such a strong word I can hear my mother say . I come from a long line of Catholics who revel in their delusions . I 've never been fond of this aspect of my upbringing . I was an odd child born with a giant metaphorical Eye right smack in the middle of my forehead like a cyclops . I think it might have been God 's way of playing a joke on my parents , who have perfected the Art of Denial . For the first half of my life it seems the Eye was turned inward , and the constant introspection was enlightening but brutal and paralyzing at times . Somehow in the past half decade or so I came to understand that Eye 's true value lies in her ability to fully understand , in very short order , anyone I come into contact with ; either in the real world or the online one . She protects me from trusting those who are not worth my trust , but she comes with a price . I can see through people 's delusions and facades , and probably always could , but it took a few years to develop the confidence to believe in it . And to be honest , I don 't always desire this information about people . Sometimes whatever they are hiding from themselves is simply , well , not my problem , and the sheer knowledge of it becomes an albatross around my neck . I blew off my high school reunion this year because that weekend I did not have the energy to wade through the Carnage of Knowing ; of trying to reconcile what Eye was telling me with what this or that classmate was trying to project . It can be exhausting . I wanted to remember everyone as they were in high school , laughing , goofy , optimistic ; their lives full of promise and possibility . I wanted that for myself as well , so I blew off the entire weekend . I had old friends who had flown in from the West Coast to attend . Probably not my finest moment , but we do what we have to do to survive sometimes . This summer as I applied those pigments to a house that felt as if it were no longer mine , I decided that my dreams were never going to happen if I kept them locked away on some piece of paper behind my to do lists and bills to pay . So I am putting them out here for all of the world to peruse and judge with that abject detachment that characterizes these digital transactions . If there is one positive aspect of not having gotten entangled with another human being in matrimony or co - habitation or whatever ; it is that you can cut your losses and get the hell out of dodge when you 've had just about enough . It 's just me and the dogs , and the dogs are happy to be anywhere , as long as they are with me . ' Thats OK " I whispered back , because at this point , there is no turning back . I 've spent the past four years uprooting myself from Philadelphia and in my heart it feels as if I no longer have a place to call home . Everyone needs a home though , so I have to go out and claim one . I have no choice but to head due West , since those winds have been pulling at me since I was a little girl . You can only ignore the call for so long before the fiercest of desires , long smoldering in your subconscious , ignites into a fire that illuminates your every waking moment . The semi - elemental ketogenic diet did eradicate the bloating and abdominal distension I would get after eating , but in about 5 days of resuming my ( then ) normal lacto - ovo pescatarian diet , it came roaring back , just as I feared it would . The pounds I had lost eating 1750 calories a day of 69 % fat / 31 % protein started to creep back as well . I was pretty disheartened . Plus I was super itchy , which is one of the most vexing symptoms I have suffered from due to the gut dysbiosis : itching , hives , the inability to wear anything around my neck , which is awful for me because I like my neck bling . It was not for naught , however , because I did succeed in training my body to became more efficient at burning a higher proportion of fat at a given percentage of my V02 Max , and this had profound impacts on my training as well as on my health . My LT went up 10 watts . ( Obviously this was through training combined with diet , not merely diet ) And of course , as my body became more efficient at burning fat , I suffered through less energy dips , hunger pangs , cravings and brain fog during the day , which is helpful not just for athletes but for those of us who have to actually work as well . My gastroenterologist , Dr . Farzana Rashid at Penn , suggested I try different antibiotics the second time around , so she prescribed a combination of Augmentin and Flagyl . Augmentin itself is a combination of amoxicillin / clavulanate potassium , and Flagyl is metronidazole , so as leary as I was about taking more poison I agreed to go on this cocktail in the hopes of knocking out the colony in my small intestine , and I started them a week later . As you can imagine I was feeling pretty desperate at this point . I also started Amitiza to try and move things along , as it were , but it started making me feel lousy with cramping even after two weeks so I gave up on it . I hate taking drugs and the ones bestowed upon me by gastroenterologists never work anyway . I 'm the only person who can eat half a large bottle of Mirilax and still not be prepped for a colonoscopy . The drug combo certainly killed off a lot of gut bacteria ( please don 't ask me how I figured this out ) but again 4 - 5 days after stopping the 2 week course I was having SIBO symptoms again . I was still feeling as if there were a volleyball in my stomach after eating , and since I only eat fresh foods that I purchase and prepare myself , I was really feeling that despite trying to eat a super clean and healthy , vegetarian , plant - based diet , food was becoming the enemy . So I would go on periods where I would not eat much at all . I was not eating any fruit or added sugars , only some xylitol on the low - carb days . I had stopped eating a 100 % ketogenic diet because of my training schedule , as I needed some carbs to get through my workout and for recovery , so instead I adopted the cyclic ketogenic diet or CKD that bodybuildiers have been using for years to get lean . In a nutshell you eat low - carb all week , and then have 1 - 2 " carb - up " days where you eat primarily healthy carbohydrates . Then at the beginning of September I had an appointment with Dr . Shiple who had been treating me for my thyroid condition known as Wilson 's Syndrome . I had had more bloodwork and we discovered my T3 / reverse T3 ratio was still not optimal despite the Armour dose so he brought me up to 4 grains of Armour per day , or 240 mg , a pretty hefty dose for someone my size . So it was good news that the reason I had gained weight is because my thyroid was on the fritz and my cortisol levels were too high . Shiple asked me to stop the Pulmicort and cut down the adrenal support glandulars I was taking . And most importantly , he put me on his Leaky Gut Protocol to try and correct the gut dysbiosis , although he admitted he did not have much clinical experience with SIBO and was not sure how to attack that . The Leaky Gut Protocol was taking Augmentin daily for a month and Diflucan once weekly for 4 weeks . Diflucan is an oral antifungal which ostensibly would keep Candida Albicans , an opportunistic fungus that can take over when other treatments or antibiotics have supressed the immune system , in check while the Augmentin wipes out everything else . So I filled the prescription on the way home , hopeful that perhaps the third time would be the charm ? Oh my poor microbiome . Forgive my scorched earth policy but you know I 've got to rid myself of this accursed SIBO . This morning I went on another road ride , even though after the ride yesterday I only had a teaspoonful of honey in my tea for my recovery carbs . Not much for glycogen replenishment there . However , perhaps by sheer force of will I kicked ass on today 's ride considering my only carb dose was the same mix of coconut juice , fresh - pressed watermelon juice ( pulp strained out ) and a splash of tart cherry juice . I also sucked down an entire flask of raw honey . I can tell my body has keto - adapted because I can pull up front at sub - LT power and still be burning a much higher percentage of fat than before I started this experiment . My metabolic efficiency has really increased . My average power for the ride was squarely in the endurance zone so I was happy . Later in the day however , my mood tanked , and I 'm not sure why . Mostly likely because my body was so tired after the ride and dog walk , or it could have been my disgust that I wasted an entire Saturday afternoon and evening on a weekend when I have a ton of stuff to do with some stranger that now I have to cut loose . I should be delighted that all of my goals for this diet have been met : I made it the entire 14 days , I 'm lean , I worked out my new Paleo diet , I food shopped , I took care of my work and my animals , and I am proud of myself . However , the original reason I went on this diet was to cure my SIBO that was resistant to Rifaximin and Neomycin , and I think I 'm truly terrified to start eating normal food again . I 'm afraid to be back in the same damn place . Well , at least I learned we all can thrive with a lot less carbohydrate in our diets . Trust me if I can do it as an endurance athlete , you can too . So today was the final weekend of the diet and I was determined not to have to bail on my Saturday ride like the week before when I was barely keto - adapted . The group road ride was very tough on a liquid diet , and while I did not eat carbs all week , I had to drink some on Friday to try and flush some glycogen in my muscles or I would never make it , that much I knew . Then of course during the ride on Saturday morning I drank fresh - pressed watermelon and tart cherry juice mixed with coconut water plus an entire flask of Hammer Gel , which meant I did have fructose , and maltodextrin actually , but it worked ! I did it : I somehow survived a 3 - hour group road ride and I was up front pulling a lot as usual . I could not believe I was 4th out of 16 up the Saw Mill climb which was incredible because my legs were just screaming in agony . And granted I usually pull to keep the pace of the ride steady , which means , for those of you who are not cyclists , I am often the person ( or persons , if the group rides 2 x 2 ) up at the front of the group taking the brunt of the wind and doing 30 % or more work , measured in power , than those behind me who I am " pulling . " I was pretty amazed I made it to the end of the ride . I averaged 191 watts for 5 . 5 minutes up the hill , which might not seem like much until you realize I did it after losing 14 pounds in 13 days and ingesting a liquid , ketogenic diet consisting of nothing but coconut oil and casein . I was tired by the end of the ride though and most of the day afterward which is not like me , I mean really , truly spent . A guy from Colorado who I met online showed up on my doorstep and so wanted to just spend the night here , but I was not having it . He was back on the East Coast to visit his family and was en route from DC to Long Island so it was not terribly far out of his way , but I was too tired for an extended visit , and my exhaustion probably contributed to him getting on my nerves . It does not take much when you have not eaten food in 2 weeks . So I sent him on his way . Well I have to say the tossing and turning at night is getting old , and I never was one to thrive on chronic poor sleep , especially as an athlete . I am reading on the forums that is 's pretty common to sleep like shit on a low - carb diet , which might be another reason I might want to reconsider continuing this long - term . I was psyched that I am 118 . 4 this am ; it looks like unless the carbs I will eat today and tomorrow for the 4 hour road ride interfere with fat loss ( hypothetically they should not because even though I will take in extra 300 kilocalories as carbs tomorrow above the 1650 allotment for the day , I usually burn anywhere from 1400 to 2400 on a typical Saturday ride . ) I 'm going to have 56 g of carbs today , which is well above what I 've been consuming in order to finally get my blood ketone levels up to where they 've been the past couple of days ; and I 'm curious to see how that will affect the ketone meter tonight . According to some , once you have keto - adapted you can actually creep up your carb intake a bit , although it seems most have to stay around 50g per day . Just as a point of reference , there are around 60g of carbs in a large baked potato , and about 31 in a large banana . So for a daily intake , 56 grams is pretty darn low . I started this diet at 132 lbs , although I had gained 5 lbs while on the antibiotlics for the SIBO , and that was mostly water , but so far I am down 14 lbs in less than 2 weeks . Wow . A lot of that is water , and unfortunately a decent amount is lean mass too , and although my stomach is flat I still have a layer of fat over my midsection which has to go . My body composition is probably around 17 % ; I would prefer it at 14 % with me at around 115 - 116 ish , which is where it was a few years ago before the SIBO started . The challenge will be to do this while eating food . I 'm going to have to count calories for a couple of weeks which I hate to do because it 's obsessive , time - consuming , and completely goes against my belief that eating healthy , nutrient - dense food should be a pleasure and the shortest route to a beautiful lean , strong body . I hate to obsess over macro - nutrient partitioning when I would rather spend my time using my creative energy to create delicious , inventive , healthy meals that satisfy AND nourish . But I will have to suck it up initially as this is a scientific experiment after all and the results will mean nothing without some hard data as to calories and macro - nutrients . My plan now is to finish out through Sunday on the semi - elemental ketogenic diet , and then continue to eat keto for the week with food and keeping my carbs less than 30g per day and see if I ever get that energy spike they talk about on the bodybuilding forums . No matter that I 'm only in the gym three days a week , and my needs as an endurance athlete are very different from those of a gym rat . I know , I know , I do lots of cardio . I have pretty much decided through more research that as a cyclist the strict classic ketogenic diet as described by Lyle McDonald and many others is NOT for me , but I will do a version of low - carb diet . The other option I am looking at is the cyclic ketogenic diet , where I could eat carbs on the weekends to fuel those longer efforts . And then there is the question of whether or not I start eating meat again . posted by the country , and building a business in Bend , Oregon . Having embraced the Paleo diet and ditched the endurance training for an ancestral health approach focused on peak health and longevity , I am ready to share my knowledge of restoring lifelong health , vitality and purpose to your life . Join me .
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Most of you probably remember a while back when I posted a picture of a bunch of cool Adidas stuff that I had won from participating in a contest our health insurance company had . ( $ 200 worth of stuff to be exact ! ) Well , I 've won again ! After the contest was over ( and I didn 't win the grand prize : o ( they sent out a quick on - line survey for everyone to take on what they liked and disliked about the contest . Well , of course , I did mine seeing as how I LOVE surveys ( I know . . I 'm an odd ball ) . Anyway , this morning when I woke up I had an e - mail telling me that since I filled out the survey , I was one of the 6 people chosen to recieve a $ 25 gift card to Sports Authority ! Yippee ! ! For years , I have been begging for new work out clothes / shoes . Now I have so many , I have a hard time picking out what to wear in the mornings ! Here 's to serving a God who is not about having just - enough . . . but about blessing us more abundantly than we can think or imagine and who cares about even the smallest of our desires ! Thank you Lord ! I have to say thanks to my friend Tori for reminding me that I bought this great new jump rope and then encouraged you all to do the same . . . and then I haven 't used it again since that last post ! ha haSo , in honor of you Tori and the fact that you took my advice and went out and got a jump rope . . . I came home today from the gym . . . from having worked out vigorously for an hour and a half . . . and I jumped rope ! I jumped for 5 straight minutes , then had to run inside and drop the Browns off at the Pool ( ha ha ) and then jumped another 5 straight minutes - - 10 total ! What a work out ! I 'm telling you guys ! Try it ! You won 't believe how hard 10 minutes of jumping rope is ! I took a picture of myself right afterwards with 2 of my buddies ( my jump rope and my ball ) . Sorry for the gross thigh . . . . I wanted to crop it out . . . but then I 'd have cut off half of the picture . By the way , the reason I titled this " Winning but not Losing . . . . Ergh ! " is that I am not having any success with my attempts to lose weight by summer . I have uppPosted by Here are some pictures of what Grant 's room is looking like as of now . . . I am still working on it but I just love the tent and the sheets I ordered so I had to show them to you all ! His tent even has a little window in it ! Posted by I decided to run to one of the JBF 's 1 / 2 price sales today and see if I could find anything for the kids . I got them a couple little things . . . but I found this dress for myself . I know you can 't see the detail on the picture . . . but it is a soft pink & white pinstripe with cute navy blue stitching . It is brand new with the tags still on ( with a price of $ 138 . 00 ! ! ! ) I got it for $ 15 . The best part ? It 's a size 6 . WooHoo ! ! Yesterday as we were leaving the house we noticed a bird sitting in our gravel driveway . I jumped out to see if she was hurt and it turns out she was just sitting on her eggs ! Actually , yesterday there was only one egg but today after church we checked and there were two ! She picked a HORRIBLE place to lay the eggs though . . . RIGHT in the MIDDLE of our driveway ! I am so paranoid we are going to run them over ! I am hoping to find some kind of flag or something I can stick in the ground to remind us . It 's time for a pedicure , dontcha think ? How many of you girls out there treat yourselves to regular pedicures ? Probably not nearly enough of you . I 've been thinking about getting one lately and I think I might just go do that this weekend . I 've only had 1 in my entire life . It was when I was pregnant with Grant and I decided to " treat " myself and get my nails done ( fake ones ) and a pedicure . It was the biggest waste of $ 50 I 've ever spent . Well , the nails were okay . . . but the pedicure was nothing more than a lady who washed my feet off , lotioned up my legs and painted my toenails . Stuff I do myself all the time . I was thinking for $ 30 . . . I was going to get some kind of special treatment . Anyway , since then . . . I 've always opted to take the cheap route and just do my tootsies myself . . . BUT . . . then a few weeks back my friend Teya got her toes done and they looked SOOOOOOO good . Her toenails looked like they were made of glass or something . . . SO Super Shiny ! I tried to duplicate the look at home but it didn 't work . . . so I am thinking . . . you know , it 's rare that I EVER spend money on myself purely . Yes , I buy things for the house and the kids and even clothes for myself occasionally . . . but getting my toenails done is solely for me and me alone . . . and you know what ? I think I 'm worth it ! Plus , I 'm pretty " anal " ( I hate that word . . . but it seems to fit here ) about how my toenails look . I NEVER leave the house without them painted or if they are chipped . . . I fix it before I leave . Even if I have to grab the polish and fix them in the car at a red light . . I 'll do it . I just can 't stand " nappy " looking toes . So . . . that 's what I 'm thinking about today . . . among a million other things . So I 'm just curious . . . how many of you girlies do this for yourselves ? And if so . . how often do you go ? I have recently enrolled the kids in swimming lessons at the Salvation Army Boys & Girls Club . During the time we have our lessons , there is also an elderly woman 's class going on . So basically the pool is full of large , old women and teeny tiny children . It 's a sight . Anyway . . . the first time we went , we found out that this group of old ladies is not in any way modest . As we entered the woman 's locker room , there was one lady sitting on the bench completely nude just sitting there while several others were undressing - - - all in plain view of anyone entering or leaving . Brooklyn 's eyes bugged out of her head and I just HOPED she wouldn 't say anything until we got out of hearing distance . Anyway . . . today we were in the locker room getting their wet suits off and their dry clothes on while this one older lady kept walking in and out , in and out mumbling something about having forgotten or lost something . I didn 't pay her much attention as me and another mom were chatting . Then this old lady walks back in and says , " I know what it is ! I forgot to wear my bra and panties today ! That 's why I feel like I am forgetting something . You know when you are in a hurry , you just can 't remember everything ! " and then she walked out . Me and the other mom started laughing so hard I actually dropped my gum out of my mouth . I told her . . . you know . . I may forget my purse or my keys or even one of my kids . . . but I don 't think I could EVER walk out of the house in the morning without my bra and undies on ! Ha Ha ! God please don 't let me get that old ever ! ha ha So . . . here is the finished product . Grant 's " leather " wall . It didn 't turn out exactly as I had hoped , but I like it still . Let me just say . . . if any of you decide to do this . . . call me first and let me give you some pointers ! I had to do lots of trial and error before I finally found a technique that worked . Let me know what you all think about this . Is it cool or not ? I am second guessing myself I guess . . . Just thought I 'd give you guys a preview into what Grant 's new big - boy room will be made of . These pictures are of a couple of the things I have bought to go in his new room . The sheets above . . . I ordered the blue ones with a brown quilt - - - and the Tee - Pee will be a birthday present so shhhh . . . . ! don 't tell ! I 'll be sure to post a picture once it 's all done and put together ! Posted by PHASE ONESo . . . . some of you have heard of this before and others of you will raise your eyebrows and say " What ? ? ? ? ? " but today I spent most of the day putting brown paper bags on the wall in Grant 's room . Well , technically , I used rolls of brown packaging paper . . . but you can actually use grocery bags . It 's a technique that results in a " leather " wall . I saw it once years ago and LOVED it and have wanted to do it ever since . When I decided on doing a western theme in Grant 's big - boy room . . . I knew this was the perfect opportunity . I googled it online first to get some pointers and then I set out - - - ripping , crinkling and then gluing the paper to the wall . This is a very simple job . . . but majorly time consuming . In all , I probably spent about 6 hours doing this . The kids helped though by crunching up the paper into balls for me and ripping them up . ( the more rough edges and wrinkles in the paper - - the better the effect ) . I was so glad to put my last peice of paper up on the wall and be done for the day . Now the next step is to apply a layer of brown shoe polish to the top of it which will give it that smooth , creamy , leathery look - - and will really accent all the torn edges and wrinkles . I will do that tomorrow . For now . . . here is what it looks like in PHASE TWO . Tomorrow I will complete the project and post a picture of the final result . Let me know what you think ! As all my devoted readers know . . . I have been looking for some time now for a bed for Grant 's big boy room . I have been to nearly all the furniture stores in our big town and nothing has suited me . I am picky and I like to be unique . I wasn 't going to settle for a regular old run - of - the - mill bed . So I waited and waited . . . and it paid off ! ! ! This weekend was the big consignment sale in our town . I decided to go ahead and take all of Grant 's baby stuff to sell ( his crib , changing table , rocking chair and all his moons - & - stars bedding and decor ) . I dropped my stuff off on Wednesday evening and while I was there , I looked for a bed for his room . To my dismay , there wasn 't anything even remotely close . The next day I decided to load the kids up and go shop the sale and see if I could find any good deals on some summer play clothes for them . I thought I could also spy on my things and see if anything had sold . Right away I saw that ALL of the furniture I had brought was already gone ! Hooray ! The only big thing left was his bedding . Then as I got to looking around - - I saw it ! THE bed ! MY bed . The one God had someone decide to sell just because He knew I would go there and find it ! I 'm telling you guys . . . anyone else would have looked at the thing and said , " I can 't believe someone is trying to sell that old thing " but I looked at it and saw the perfect bed I 've been looking for - - - and even better - - - for only $ 40 . 00 ! ! ! ! ! It was covered in cobwebs and a thick layer of dust . It had lots of nicks and scratches and CHARACTER . I bought it and had them stick a " sold " tag on it until I could get Matt to pick it up for me in his truck . So he and my dad went today and got it and thank goodness they have faith in me , because they both acted like they couldn 't believe this was the thing I was so excited about ! ha ha You just have to have vision ! Anyway . . . I got it home and cleaned it all up and took a picture so I could show you guys the BEFORE . Then I got to work sanding and painting . I am painting it red ( " red hot " to be exact ) and thenPosted by Grant woke up with an unusually sweet tooth this morning . Brooklyn is normally our big candy - eater . He obviously likes candy - - - he is a kid - - - but he 's not crazy about it like she is . Anyway , today since I was VERY busy and preoccupied with my projects ( more about that in the next post ) . . . he kept helping himself to our big bowl of Easter candy in the pantry . After about the 4th thing . . . I told him " No More Candy , Mister ! " and I confiscated the starburst he was about to open . Looking for a place to put it where he couldn 't find it , I first tried sticking it in the waistband of my pocket - less shorts . He said , " Mommy , where 'd you put my candy ? " and then as if on cue , the darn little thing fell out of my shorts and onto the floor in front of him . I quickly grabbed it back up and stuck it in the only place I could think of that would be secure - - - my bra . Eventually I was able to convince him it had disappeared into thin air and we all forgot about the whole thing . That was until I got ready to take a shower tonight before bed . Here I am , in my nice , quiet master bathroom all alone , staring off into space , getting undressed and waiting outside my shower for the water to get hot when I glance over at myself in the mirror and see a red starburst stuck on my boob ! For some reason , it struck me as hilarious and I ran through the house , past the kids to where Matt was sitting on the couch watching TV to show him . Boy was he surprised to see me running at him in my birthday suit ! Ha Ha ! What 's even funnier is it had been there for like 8 hours . . . so an hour later - - after my shower , there is still a little square indention where the thing had been . How funny . ( Can you believe it actually crossed my mind to take a picture to show you all ? ? ? - - - I was trying to figure out a way I could take a picture that wouldn 't be indecent - - - but then . . . I decided you guys will just have to take my word for it ! ha ha ! ) Another little funny story for ya . . . Once I was done for the day with all my " projects " , I decided to do a quick hour of cleaning throPosted by If you are constipated or fat or feeling lazy . . . I have your cure ! It 's long and skinny and mine is black . Sometimes made of rubber , sometimes of rope . It stings if you hit yourself with it but can be lots of fun if you use it correctly . Any guesses ? Yes , it 's a jumprope . I read the other day that 10 minutes of jumping rope is equal to 30 minutes of jogging ! That was all the convincing I needed . I went right out got me one . ( only $ 6 . 95 for a really nice one at Wal - Mart ) . Anyway , little did I know it would be a natural laxitive too ! ( ha ha - - sorry . . . I 'm sure that is TMI but quite honestly , I know lots of people who struggle with that problem ) . Anyway , so . . . after 4 minutes , I was EXHAUSTED . . . but I pressed on and by 6 minutes , I had pushed past that tired feeling and was really enjoying myself . When my timer went off after 10 minutes , I was pumped up and ready to go again . I couldn 't believe how soaked in sweat I was ! You guys know I work out on a regular basis . . . for 2 hours at at time . . . so this was obviously a great workout ! I just wanted to encourage you all to try it . It 's cheap and easy and doesn 't require much space . Just start with 5 or 10 minutes and work up one minute at a time until you can do more . Finally ! ! ! We 've had Cingular for our cell phone service for about 2 1 / 2 years now and we 've loved them . . . but when we moved out here to our new house ( in the country ) we didn 't get good reception anymore . About a mile in any direction from our house doesn 't have service . . . so we were dropping calls like flies . Monday , I went and signed us up with T - Mobile and we got new phones . So far . . . our service seems to be good out here . Anyway , this is a picture of my new phone . It 's so much cuter than my previous phone which was the OLD antique style Nokia that you couldn 't even buy faceplates for . Now I feel so young and hip to have such a cute phone ! ha ha Yesterday while I was busy getting Grant 's changing table ready to sell , the kids amused themselves by dressing up in " costumes " . When I went in to check on them . . . this is how Grant was dressed . As you can see . . . he was pretty proud of himself . Ha Ha . The little bracelet you see around his right arm was made by Brooklyn for him out of garbage bag twist - ties and he LOVES it and wears it and calls it his " costume " . It 's hilarious . He 'll say , " Mom , is my costume still on ? " and have me pull up his sleeve and look at his arm . Matt was showing Grant how to climb up this rock wall . I told Matt I should print this off and show it to the guys at work and tell them this is how he practices his climbing skills . ha ha My little man hunting eggs at the park . He was enjoying watching all the kids run for the eggs and wasn 't really all that interested in getting any himself . I 'm sure that will change in the coming years though ! We gave Brooklyn a special " up - do " for hair for Easter Sunday . You really can 't see it too well in this picture . . . but it was in a pony tail and then in big ringlets all around her head . She looked like a princess ready for the ball ! My cuties on Easter before Church . Pink & Brown were our colors this year . Grant put up a fair - share of resistance to wearing a pink shirt . He told me he couldn 't wear it " because it 's girlie " but I showed him that even his daddy has a few pink shirts . . . so he reluctantly agreed . Brooklyn and her buddy from school , Kennedy , at their Easter egg hunt today . Actually it was their " Spring Egg Hunt " . Can you believe that ? They are actually trying to take the word ' Easter ' out of school ? The letter that was sent home from school with them said , " In coordination with our study of spring and eggs and other things , our classes will be holding a Spring Egg Hunt on Friday , April 6th . " Whatever ! Easter is about Jesus . Period . I meant to write Happy Easter on each one of our plastic eggs that we donated , but I forgot . : o ( I have a husband I fall more in love with every day and 2 kids who have completely stolen my heart . I exercise a bit obsessively and am working out the kinks of living on a Dave Ramsey style budget . I am also a Beachbody Coach and fitness instructor . I enjoy nothing more than spending time with my friends and family ! Oh and one last VERY important thing : I LOVE JESUS ! ! ! I have been around the block . I 'm a veteran in this market . I was making my subscribers profits through both Bush , Obama and now Trump . Wow ! It has been awhile ! Why do I even have a blog ? With pinterest , facebook , emails , etc . , I seldom make time to blog at all . . . that includes post o . . . This is a yummy soup . Hearty , healthy and made my body happy . Gluten free , ( mostly ) dairy free and vegetarian . YUM YUM ! So good . * Vegetable Minestrone . . . So this will be a short post . . . BUT I ' VE MOVED ON TO ANOTHER BLOG / WEBSITE ! Please , for the love of all things that are holy . . . follow me there . I will be lea . . . I should really come around here more than every 3 months . After all , the hope is that one day my boys will read this and know all about their childhood . I . . . YAY ! ! ! It 's the last day of school for Kendall ! Of course , we celebrate the last day of school EVERY year , but this year it 's an even bigger celebration . . . My last post was July 31 . It was my grandparents ' anniversary but it also marked the four year anniversary of this blog . Four years ! I 've enjoyed sharing s . . . For our 5 yr anniversary we went back to a cabin we went to on our 1 yr anniversay ! This time we stayed a week and had lots of fun ! I 'm usuall . . . Ok , I have started a new blog ! I know a little more about blogging now and I am ready to start chronicling my life for all the world to see ( kind of ) ! The . . . OK , I 'm a slacker . . . I just noticed that it has been 2 months since my last post . Believe me , I haven 't been slacking off on my fitness and nutrition . But . . . . . Hahaha ! This workout is waaay super fun ! I really do enjoy it . About halfway through , I want to throw up . I 've never had an at - home DVD that 's able to do t . . .
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I 'd managed a nice vrshchikasana on Tuesday in front of Sharath ( this is hanging out in handstand with your feet on your head ) . He told me ' very good ! ' , then stood in front of me for assisted backbends . He stands very close . ' Legs were shaking ' he said and chuckled . . . our eyes met and there seemed to be some complicity between us . . . it 's hard to stay still there without your feet bobbling around . . . it 's a hard posture ! Then he took my hands onto my kneecaps , told me ' very good ' again , and I trotted off to the changing room for finishing postures feeling rather special . New moon the next day and no practice . I got to the backbending / handstand sequence on Thursday , the pinnacle of the practice , and again managed a good vrshchikasana ( I 'm starting to get it ! ) . . . . and again Sharath was walking towards me . ' Look at me . . . I am rocking it again ! ' says the ' I - maker ' . . . . Backbend was good , the squish was perfunctory . ' Go inside ! ' So I scurried off , chastened . . . . . but this story delighted me so much that I repeated it to everyone I ran into , all day . I had a hard time sleeping last Friday night , mainly due to gluttony and mosquitoes . At various points in the middle of the night I had the lights on and was swatting away at the little bastards , swearing . . . . finally I dropped off and woke up absurdly late , with a horribly stiff neck , to find Oh Jun informing me there was no water . Luckily this was a day off practice . I didn 't display the better part of my character at this point , though . . . my poor flatmate , he went off a little early to his cooking course . More things went wrong . My coffee maker broke . Luckily I 'd got the first pot out of it first . A knock at the door . I was still in my dressing gown , and unshowered of course ( no water ! ) . It was the landlord . Here , things began to improve : he informed me that an unmarked switch near the door in our flat controlled the water for the building . It was one in a row of switches , the others controlling various lights . He flicked it on . The improvement ended there , however , as he told me we needed to move out the next day . Previously we 'd agreed I 'd have the place for another week . No problem , he told me , there was another room free on the top floor for me . And he left . After a quick shower and my mind clearing a little , I called him . The place on top would be great for one of us , but it was a two - bedroom place we were being chucked out of . He said he would come down and talk to me . I waited . Also , my phone credit had just run out . He didn 't arrive . Eventually Lauren came to pick me up and we went to the pool . And on the way there , via the phone man , something delightful happened . . . . I started to let it go . There 's something liberating about being carried through Indian traffic on the back of a scooter . Or driving , I suppose . The pool and hot sun and the cool water are gorgeous . Elsewhere in the world , everyone is freezing . There was a kind of concert venue being built in the grounds and some groovy Indian music blaring out , which for some reason made me really happy . I had more coffee . Friends were there . It turned out Jimmy Crow had an extra room at his place . To make a long story short , Oh Jun is staying with him now and probably way better off . And I have the small , bright room on the top of the building , with a big sunny rooftop and all the privacy I need to cope with a new start time of 4 : 30 am . Riding home from the pool with the wind in my hair , life had never seemed better . Truly , we are the lucky ones . . . . Somewhere , people are thinking about value dates and parameters that govern currency pairs . But I speed down Hunsur Road in the sunshine , and the air is smoggy on a dying planet , but we are LIVING , while we can . . . . . The shala is VERY busy at the moment . Last Sunday we couldn 't all fit in the room for conference , and start times are running out to 11 : 00 . Luckily I got shifted to 5 : 00 , then 4 : 30 this past week . 4 : 30 actually means get there by or before 4 : 00 , so this has been a bit of an adjustment . . . mainly diet - wise . I don 't mind getting up in the middle of the night ( 2 : 30 ) as I can have a nap after , but lunches aren 't really working for me , or my body is just used to doing certain things at certain times ( one of which , not at 3 : 30 am ) . Hmm . But the energy is SO GOOD in the early slot , and I am so lucky to be escaping the crowds and the wait . I 'm speeding up my practice and trying to blast through 2s + my three postures of 3rd . . . . I want to show that I can , I want to show I was listening when he scolded me last week , I want to show that there 's plenty of time for me to do more 3s without my practice taking forever . Also , I just have more energy at this time . . . . I find waiting around for hours before practice somehow draining . Finally , it 's not really the people waiting in the foyer that I feel bad for , it 's Sharath himself , teaching for more or less eight hours straight every day , which , unless you 've ever taught mysore classes ( which normally run for three hours , and that 's hard enough ) is something the physicality of which you simply cannot comprehend . Where does he get the energy , and how is he always in such a good mood for beginners getting into marichiasana D at midday ? How is he smiling at conference and not in a hurry to end it and put a stop to the questions ? So practice : in and out , bare bones and no preciousness . This isn 't the right place to take one 's time , indulge oneself , or practice like a ' special little snowflake ' . I do that at home . Day off : shopping , cleaning , bucket wash . Castor oil bath , theracane session , a little puja . Read about Ayurveda , finish this blog . Drink lots of chai . Hang out with yogis , but not too much . Go for long walks . The sun 's starting to set over Gokulam again , and there are many poetic moments to be had on a walk at such times , ahhhh . . . . . Now sitting at the Green Hotel with the laptop and will publish later . I 'm out for dinner in a bit at Oyster Bay , then there is a rooftop party I could hit in theory . . . . but frankly I expect to be in bed well before midnight , despite the New Moon ( day off practice ) tomorrow . Nice practice today . The tictoc made its first reappearance since my initial success - today I managed ONE , after several attempts . The funny thing is . . . . when I succeed , it is so ' not a thing ' . It is like this - ' oh , there I went , all the way over . . . . that was easy . . . ' . This makes it different from many postures which are achieved only with great effort , at least in the beginning . Here , there 's been an absolute ton of effort over several years to learn it , and then . . . . when it happens , I just sail right over ! So fun ! I had to learn to regulate my efforts . The way the schedule works , I get to work on this posture from Monday through Thursday . It isn 't a part of led classes ( can you imagine . . . . ) . . . So there was the Thursday I did it for the first time , then the Monday I felt lame and kicked a girl in the head , this has all been blogged . On Tuesday , I jumped and jumped and jumped . It wasn 't working , but I kept trying . I became somewhat desperate . Sharath finally came over and practically growled at me . . . . ' that 's enough . . . stand up ! ' He was right , of course . It wasn 't really very safe . After that , on Wednesday , Thursday , Monday , I got close , closer . But I stopped when the returns were diminishing . I kept a little juice for vrshchikasana ( balancing with feet on the head ) , and started realising that here too ( even here ! ) , every practice is just a practice . That I have time ; that it 's a process . Self - regulation . I shouldn 't need him to tell me when enough is enough . So today - several close attempts , then I got one over ( and oh ! how easy ! ) . . . . then it wasn 't going to happen again . Actually a funny thing happened . . . I 've been watching a few advanced practitioners do it , noticing how they rock the weight into the feet for momentum and half the hands actually leave the ground before they rock back into the hands to go over . . . that 's how much momentum can be used . So I tried this . . . put a bit TOO MUCH weight in the feet and BOING ! I accidentally stood up , and it happened very fast ! Luckily I didn 't propel myself into the person in front of me , just stood there and burst into a laugh . Then I did vrshchikasana and nailed it in front of the boss : - ) So anyway , I feel I have settled into my practice here , after a month . I have two postures of sthira bhaga ( 3rd series ) to work on now as well . Oh , and from next Monday my start time moves from 9am to 5am . Hard core ! ! That will require some adjustments . I had a bit of a cold towards the end of last week . I take the attitude that germs may enter my body , but they don 't have to take over completely , and sure enough it didn 't really hold me back , just made me feel grotty . Then Friday night I was sick , basically up with the shits all night ( sorry ) . Good night for it anyway , with Saturday our day off . . . . led intermediate on Sunday was a bit rough though . Six of us on the stage , with me belching up strange gasses and full of mucus all through it . Actually I don 't think of it as being sick . . . more like me and India getting used to each other again . A few days and a few Ayurvedic remedies later , and I am right as rain : - ) I don 't believe in conference notes , especially not ones that aim to be comprehensive . The important part is always missed out . But there was a lot about how to practice , and why we practice the way we do , and personal anecdotes about Guruji and Krishnamacharya that were absolutely priceless to hear in person . And hearing Sharath tell about going to collect Guruji 's ashes off the ground the day after the cremation , and finding the sacrum ( sacred bone ) intact amongst the ashes . . . . just . . . wow ? Being here , one feels personally connected to a strong yoga lineage . Apart from all this , the theme of last week was ' WHERE WILL I BE LIVING ? ? ' The last two trips were six weeks each , and I had a job in the financial sector to go back to - I lived in Urban Oasis , a hotel . This year I stayed there the first month , and actually I was shocked at the cost . Bearing in mind I 'm still paying rent on a flat in London . . . . . I had housing plans for the second month which , due to a long story , fell through . It is busy season now and Gokulam is packed . I also wanted to help out a first - timer friend who was arriving and who I knew only had three nights booked at the UO . I also thought it might give me more flexibility looking for either a one - or two - bedroom place . . . . Rooms are available , and then they are not . Things are confirmed , and then they are not . A flat is available , but it can 't be said exactly from when . Someone will call in a few days and let you know . A place has wifi and then it actually doesn 't . A flat is available , but no deposit will be taken ( very suspicious ! ) . Something is available short - term , you may have to move a few times . Fine , but will someone please pin down the dates ? ! ? ! Fixers are seen , landlords are met with , head wobbles occur , and you have no idea where you stand . You want something modern . You worry about cockroaches , you worry about rats . Everything is in flux , you go with the flow . . . . it 's India . This is part of the process . This is a sort of a test . Yoga at home is easy , you come to India to deal with this shit . ' Chitta vrttis ' ( fluctuations of the mind ) occur . ' Yoga is the cessation of the fluctuations of the mind ' ( Yoga Sutras , 1 : 2 ) . Practice going well ? That 's great . Where the hell are you going to live though ? ? Fuck knows ! You know it will work itself out . You trust that it will work itself out . You endeavour not to FREAK out . It 's a game of musical chairs . . . . . . Christmas season ( oh yeah , we had a lovely Christmas dinner at the Metropole during all this ) . . . . . people leaving , people arriving , reshuffles , rearrangements . . . . will there be a yogi left standing with no place to live ? Actually it 's not so scary at all . You know this community will never , ever let you down , you will NEVER be in the streets , you 'll never be in danger , you 'll have someone 's sofa till you find something , you 'll be looked after . But your yoga practice is paramount , you need routine , you need a decent sleep , because for God 's sake you have to attempt this ( insert posture name ) business again in the morning . . . . . I 'm in a good place now , and will live in two more - four in total over the three months . They are all good places , now it 's a matter of refinements - more space ? more privacy ? And as a good friend put it , ' you get to know what you like . ' Yes , this will all be very useful experience for the future . . . . . . And finally , what has dominated the last few days is great joy at the arrival of many dear friends . From Saturday onward and continuing still , dear ones are arriving in trickles . So many hugs ! Others will be leaving , and that is a little bit sad . . . . but we 'll meet again , whether here or at home . I 'm just hugely grateful to be one of the ones who stays on . Two more months now . . . . After a weekend of castor oil bath , getting the washing done , coffees and lovely lunches with friends , impromptu sunglasses - shopping trips and a ton of giggles , a gorgeous walk around Lake Kukkarahalli , and a led intermediate class where several of us got our official start on advanced A series , we had Sunday afternoon conference . Sitting over on the far side of the room under the pictures of our yoga family , with the scent of flower offerings wafting under my nose , I found this week 's conference enchanting . The topic was Kriya Yoga , i . e . the last three niyamas of ashtanga yoga . What conference notes can 't capture is the element of direct transmission . I appreciate the notes that others post , but for me scribbling notes takes away from immersion in the moment and dilutes experience . That has always been the case , in my academic studies as well . Of course sometimes it 's necessary , but the words are not the most important thing for me , and to quote some house anthem , ' it 's a vibe thing ' . . . . Sharath 's wife sat crouched at the left edge and his children wandered in and out onto the stage - Shraddha , quite grown up now and looking rather lovely in a hot pink glittery top bearing the message ' Shine Bright ' , and Sambhav , sporting the customary Spiderman suit and cheeky expression . He managed to interrupt proceedings completely in order to filch money to buy strawberries , and returned to clown around on stage , getting away with a fair amount before a fierce glare was turned on him . . . then laughter , and a strawberry popped into the boss 's mouth . All of this was just so very charming . In other news , my accommodation plans for next month have fallen through , and I have no idea where I 'll be staying this time next week . I 've put all my feelers and tentacles out , so I 'm sure something will come up , although the post - Christmas hordes will be descending and everything seems to be booked up . Ishvara pranidhana . . . . . This grain of sand will find somewhere to settle on the beach . Hopefully somewhere with wifi and fridge . . . . I 've pretty much given up on a washing machine . I 've now dropped the seven headstands and been given the first posture of advanced practice . Been told to move my hand further forward , had my head position adjusted , and told to straighten the bottom leg more . That was not too bad , and I 'd rather receive corrections straight away . Then backbending . . . . and after last week 's victory , I made a complete hash of the handstand sequence . Couldn 't even get close to the ' toc ' ( OK one attempt out of about a dozen came kind of close ) . My shoulders seemed to keep wiggling into the wrong place , which just felt dangerous , and I had that thing where I jump too much into the left arm ( probably due to more power in the right leg ? ) . The French assistant came to my rescue , but even with his help it was pretty dismal . Disappointing . . . . . but as we all know , some days are just like that . Then got to the part I can supposedly do - drop over and stand up - but was a little short of juice by this time , not to mention shaking , swimming in sweat , and feeling inadequate and like a spectacle . I try to take only a little jump and just press most of the way up , but sometimes I almost get there and fall back ( I won 't say crash ) . . . . so this happened , and my foot hit something and I heard a yelp . FUCK ! I spun round . . . . . what do you say to someone after kicking them in the face ? Utterly mortified . . . . . She was gracious , and didn 't seem to be bleeding or missing teeth . Then I had to carry on , but by now I felt like such a loser that some tears were mixed with the sweat . . . . I put my head down in child 's pose for a few breaths , shaking , then had to just GET THROUGH THE REST OF IT . . . . by the last one Sharath was standing at the top of my mat . I actually managed to hold vrshchikasana for a couple of breaths and had a good backbend , but dragged my mat back for finishing with eyes cast down and tail between legs . Of course some people would have noticed , but I probably wasn 't QUITE the spectacle I felt . . . . most people are absorbed in their own practice , not my dramas . Wow , these points from kriya yoga just keep coming up - abject and victorious are just the two sides of the ' I ' coin . Get over yourself . . . . I waited for my victim in the changing room . Luckily my feet had only landed on the top of her head , and it turned out to be another case of ' these things happen ' . I guess what I learned is that I wasn 't operating in my own space , as I had thought . Boom . Once , twice , three times as prescribed . Imperfect , shaky , with hesitations and half - starts , drenched in sweat , and I believe there was a grunt or two as well . Or whimpers . " Sadness gives depth . Happiness gives height . Sadness gives roots . Happiness gives branches . Happiness is like a tree going into the sky , and sadness is like the roots going down into the womb of the earth . Both are needed , and the higher a tree goes , the deeper it goes , simultaneously . The bigger the tree , the bigger will be its roots . In fact , it is always in proportion . That 's its balance . " - Osho Something about this place scrapes me raw . I feel skinned alive at times . . . all defences are gone . The joys are otherworldly , but suffering is always near at hand . And at such times - when awareness of suffering imposes itself - I 'll be hit by a crushing wave of melancholy that finds its reflection in carcasses , smells of burning , bats and death ; animals eating plastic bags by the roadside ; abandoned shoes , limbless beggars , rapes ; and a whole catalogue of personal disappointments that bubble up from the distant and recent past to be relived , reloved , during waking hours and in dreams . So then it is good to see friends . . . except when they cock their head to one side and look concerned . . . . your face changes their face , and they ask what is wrong almost before you can say hello . And you realise that this latest round of Nerve Cleansing is written all over you and seeping out of your eyes . Why does it rise to the surface like that . . . . . . . I have this every trip . I have to go back for a few hours or days . I 'm stuck there . I should be here . I can 't get back . THIS SUCKS ! ! Then ( I hesitate to even write this for the image it may conjure up ) . . . . I 'm eating something and it is gross and I pull a razor blade out of my mouth . It 's not the gory scene you 'd imagine - no blood , all quite matter - of - fact - but I need to get a tetanus shot ( in real life I 'm covered , of course ) . . . . Four or five students are there . The clock shows I 'm a quarter of an hour late ( this never happened IRL ) . . . . . They are all facing the wrong way in the room and doing wrong things . I 'm too late , and I don 't have control . . . . . . . . There 's a loneliness here that doesn 't arise at home . It 's an atmosphere . This , despite being surrounded by my tribe , despite very enjoyable meals and chais and walks and talks and hanging out . These are the people I share sweat and coconuts with , the ones who GET IT . The ones who devote a significant portion of their day to this process , who get up in the middle of the night most days to do it . Yet a social awkwardness can arise , at any time , that I thought I 'd left in high school . I easily piss people off without meaning to . Or think that I have . Or forget that everyone here is on their OWN voyage , to the bottom of their very own sea , own body , own mind . We 're swimming in the ocean , but it can feel like a fishbowl . A sense of isolation arises , of being on the fringe , which in London or my hometown manifests as a kind of glorious eccentricity . . . . a revelling in my individuality . . . a happiness at being me . But surely London is , or should be , a lonelier place ? It strikes me that I miss physical contact - the draping of myself over students ' bodies , the transfers of energy , the playing a part in the reduction of suffering , the gratitude , the hugs . . . . . but it must be good to get away from all that , lest one become an emotional vampire . . . . what an ugly idea . One really shouldn 't have to depend on one 's students for strokes . I 'm pretty sure I 'm not doing this , but teaching does make me feel good . Really good . But yikes . And as far as physical contact goes . . . . Just as I 'd rather suffer hunger pains than eat a McDonalds . . . . . similarly , I 'm done with consuming a passionless product , which ( who ) was what I hungered for at the time , but which never really satisfied , and over the course of several years made me really quite sick . A couple of years of fasting has been a better choice . There may be pain , but it robs me of nothing . This year in Mysore a lot of people have been getting sick . Colds and flu and stomach issues mainly , but a few hospital visits , a friend hooked up to an IV ; and up at Doctors ' Corner some cases of dengue fever . . . . don 't know if these last are yogis or not ? I don 't need to get sick , I have this melancholy that arises and passes away instead . India agrees with me , the food is perfect for me , the physical transition is always seamless . Perhaps I was a yogi in a previous life . . . . this is my fanciful idea . Possibly not a very good one ! But nonetheless . My name means ' beautiful lotus ' : - ) So . Finally one gets sick of this passing sickness , this kind of fever of the soul . You go and get a friend to put henna on your hands , go to Sandhya 's for some magical healing food and kittens . Read Narayan 's stories , oozing fragility , humanity . . . walk out and observe the same timeless characters in the street . . . and then just fucking GET OVER YOURSELF . Plan a pool day , observe the radiance in a holy man 's eyes . Stand outside the temple and imbibe the sacred , haunting rhythms of the timeless Vedic chants { insert shivers up spine } . Have some stupendous backbends right there in the temple of your own body . Observe how happy people with no legs can be . Make eye contact with tiny children who simply glow back , and wave and wave as they 're carried away . . . . . Smile at someone and see if they smile back . When they do , here . . . . . WOW ! it 's always a cracker . Full face , full eyes , full smile . Think about Sharath 's smile and his work ethic . RESOLVE TO HAVE A STRONGER MIND . Go to practice - feel the sheer VITALITY that makes you want to just explode with joy . It 's actually hard to know what to write about Mysore . Things that would interest the yogis may bore or go over the heads of others . . . . whilst the kind of local colour that would interest ' normal people ' can be very ' same same . . . yawn ' for those who 've spent any time here . In translation school , we were taught always to pinpoint the target audience and write for them , but here . . . . . screw that rule ! It 's my personal free - for - all . . . I 'll spew out whatever rises to the surface . I left on the new moon . I 'll be here for three months . The moon is about three - fifths waxed now , and I have been here nine days . It doesn 't take long to settle in again , although practice - wise , things are just starting to gear up . A week of primary series , first 2s yesterday . Saving the handstand sequence for next week . Got a late start time of 9 : 15 and moved up to 9 : 00 . Was told I 'll start earlier next week . . . . but when I asked what time - ' I 'll tell you next week ' . OK then . It seems promising . It would be a drag trying to rush through the tictocs while the chanting crowd mills around on the steps . . . . . . . I 'm at the Green Hotel and will post this when I get home . Friends will arrive soon for dinner . Saturdays there is no practice , Fridays we have the grand luxury of eating dinner ! In the morning , I shall take a walk to and around the lake . Then a pool day or castor oil bath , depending on the weather . But first a well - earned Kingfisher and a Hyderabadi curry . They always warn that it is too spicy , but for a Londoner , it is not that spicy . . . . . It 's the beginning of that magical hour , Mysore dusk . . . . everything bathed in a gorgeous light that nature discovered well before Instagram did . Wispy alto - cirrus clouds are turning golden , then golden - pink , against a bright blue sky , the flat - topped trees becoming black silhouettes ; long - beaked black birds swoop between the roof and trees , their caws mixed in with the incessant beeping from busy Hunsur Road . It was odd weather today - cool this morning , boding rain which never came - now the moon has a misty aura around it , and the air 's less dry and dusty than the norm . I can feel a slight chill settle down over the gardens . . . it 's palpable . . . and those damned mosquitos are coming out ! Argh , they are worse than usual tonight . . . . could be the glow of the laptop screen . Waiter , please bring a coil . . . . this scarf and long skirt aren 't doing enough ! And now it 's twilight and that one bright star is shining out , like a puncture hole in the high blue dome . . . . Mars , maybe ? Must find out . So this is just a place - holder . . . . I think I have lots to write , but it 's all a chaotic swirl . But just like a long and daunting practice . . . . in the end you just have to begin it . There is no other way . Ekam , inhale . . . . . That sounds about right . I 'll get back to something like that shortly , but while I 'm in Mysore , ironically , the balance tends to get a bit skewed , due to my having more ( i . e . any ) free time . I 'm beginning to see why people need to take a step back . . . My friend Grimmly and I have resumed the same discussion we seem to have about once a year ( yes , we disagree a lot , but I consider him a great guy and a friend ) . To me , it is never productive . I go over there and make a comment that is meant to be nice , then I get caught up in the comments and make another comment , next thing you know I have triggered a maelstrom . I need to stop visiting and just let him come here and make supportive comments . That seems to work much better . I 'm just not into all the analysis , and there are always things I strongly disagree with , but I don 't think either of us benefits from the discussion ( he might disagree . . . ) Then there is the whole shitstorm around Kino 's video . It makes me sad . Kino is one of my teachers , and has helped me so much over the years , mainly in person . But I also know many people who get a tremendous amount out of her online presence . For example , a couple of days ago on the UO rooftop I met a woman who has no teacher where she lives . The reason she has a practice at all , and has made it to Mysore for the first time , is largely due to Kino 's videos . There 's nothing new to me in being sad about seeing my teacher run down by others . I basically quit blogging for a while a few years ago when the ' tiny shorts ' were upsetting people in cyberspace and causing some really petty comments . Now here we are again and I find it so hard to believe people in the background of this video could be kicking a fuss up about it . Then again , maybe I 'm not so surprised . The VAST majority of people I 've met here have been lovely and friendly . There are a couple , though , who emanate bad attitude ( I had to check with a few people to make sure I wasn 't making this up ) . To those few ( always women ) - there is no reason to smirk at people and walk around looking like a bitchy high school girl with a pickle up your ass . Luckily you don 't control who eats at the cool kids ' table here : - ) But I digress . Like I said , most people here are LOVELY , including some I 've met who are on their 10th or 11th trip and aren 't above sitting down and sharing meals and experiences with those of us on our first or second trip . That , of course , is the way it should be . . . . . However , being a yogi doesn 't mean you have to be all rainbows and unicorns , and just like , roll over and be like a flower , man , when you don 't agree with something . It doesn 't mean you have to let yourself be walked all over , not have strong opinions , or not express them . This came up at work recently . . . it 's a high - stress environment , and during a disagreement someone just threw at me , ' yoga ? ? ' I just looked at them . I was like , ' what ? dude you are taking the piss . . . ' And if I see someone on the Internet depicting yoga as a ' workout ' rather than a practice , in order to market energy bars to bodybuilders , I have every reason to object in strong terms . In fact , calling yoga a workout is just plain wrong even if it is not being used to sell something . The ' workout ' mindset really isn 't helpful in approaching this practice , and is conducive to injury , especially amongst men . This is something we have to work hard against , not encourage . I also object to people hating on Mysore without ever having been here , pretending to know what goes on here without having been here , making token trips here merely in order to further self - promotional projects , or treating yoga as a money - making machine more than as a way of life . . . . to name a few . I will say what I think and you are free to not read me or delete my comments , as the case may be . The fact that I object to something you do or call you out on your bullshit does not make me ' unyogic ' . And here I would like to slip in an interesting observation : though a yogi may have strong opinions , I find my reactions have really changed over the years . Ten years ago if I read or heard something I strongly disagreed with , I would feel my heart start to race . I might get palpitations or a feeling of pressure in my head . None of that happens now , and I can observe that whilst I might be thinking you are talking an utter crock of shite , my breathing and heart rate remain completely undisturbed as I tell you so . Other things I notice on the Internet : just as it seems that every yoga student wants to be a teacher nowadays , it seems like more and more teachers are offering teacher trainings . What 's up with that ? I mean , depending on the teacher this can be good or bad , but is this like 40 being the new 30 , and third series the new second series ? ? ( hmm . . . . ) . Students should be teachers and teachers should be teacher trainers . . . . I mean , this is where it all goes eventually , but it seems to happen pretty fast nowadays . Regarding the former ( every student wanting to teach ) , I read a blog recently where someone with a fledgling ashtanga practice , who hasn 't completed primary series yet , is planning to teach . Whether the teacher training will go ahead , though , is in question due to the low number of students enrolled . Therefore this student is considering training to teach another yoga style instead . I asked the question whether , in order to teach , one shouldn 't A ) have a great love of the subject , and B ) not be a beginner oneself ? This means that the style you decide to teach isn 't interchangeable with another , it is the one that is a central and fundamental part of your life , and you should have been practicing it for several years , minimum . Before that , you don 't even know what effects it will have on your own body ( and the rest of you ) , let alone the bodies of others , very different from you , who may come to you with all sorts of conditions and injuries . . . . I didn 't mean to hurt this person 's feelings with my questions , but the fact is , if you put it out there on the Internet , you may get a reaction ( I 'm aware of this and there is no comment moderation on this blog , by the way ) . If you are a beginner who has fallen in love with the practice , that 's great ! If you want to take a teacher training in order to learn more , also great , although an ' intensive ' - something geared at understanding YOUR OWN practice rather than teaching - might be more beneficial . Or in the case of ashtanga , just keep doing it every day ! But please , please , beginners , do not take it upon yourselves to teach until you 've been doing this practice ( or whichever yoga practice you 're into ) for a good long while . . . please realise that you are taking responsibility for the welfare of others , and that that is a Very Big Thing ? On Saturday I went for a castor oil massage at the Three Sisters ' . I was ushered into the stone edifice and seated in the room where we usually have lunch , beside the ' yogi sister ' , whose name I believe is Shashalika . She was wrapped up warm with gloves on . Her eyes are very sparkly . We chatted for a while , then the other sisters joined us . Harini explained the treatment options ( ayurvedic oil vs castor oil ) and I decided to go for the castor oil . I told her about my previous experiments , and she laughed her big laugh . ' Yogis don 't know how to do castor oil bath , ' she declared . ' I will give you proper treatment . ' We went into the other side of the house and a similar - sized narrow room . Two clocks hung on the wall , forty minutes apart ; on the other wall were six identical calendars , of the sort you get free from the supermarket at the beginning of the year , and a few hooks holding bags and articles of clothing . Around the room were some shelves slanting downwards and supported at one end so as not to fall down ; a low table , a cubby hole in the wall ; all stacked with sheaves of yellowing papers and bottles or tins containing who knows what liquids , with rags stuffed into stray corners ; there was a tall metal cabinet with a dusty suitcase on top ; an old stereo ; a television which appeared to date from the 1950s , and which couldn 't possibly work , I thought ? From the ceiling hung a multi - coloured ball in a net ( ? ) , a fluorescent bulb and some strips of red cloth . I was kitted out in what was basically a loin cloth attached to a piece of twine around my waist , and I lay down on my front on a red tarp which was slightly padded underneath . I felt a generous amount of the thick , warm oil trickling over the back of my body , and smelled the familiar mild scent of castor oil . Then Harini and Aka held onto the red ropes attached to the ceiling and proceeded to go over me with their feet ( Aka 's real name is Nagaratna ( I think ) , but Aka ( with stress on the final syllable ) means ' elder sister ' , and is easier ) . Four feet moving over my back , arms , hamstrings , calves . . . slightly callused for an exfoliating effect . . . a symphony of feet ! I lay with my head turned to the side , and behind my closed eyelids a diffuse light filtered through from two small high windows , with the moving sisters casting shadows against it . The two clocks produced a rhythmically musical effect , with the louder one sounding like a loud drip into a tin bucket and the other producing a clicking counterpoint . In the distance some music approached and passed . . . . Islamic - sounding chants and the beat of a drum . From time to time I was asked to turn my head the other way asFront and sides of the body next . . . then I sat up , Aka left , and Harini worked on my back and shoulders with her hands . Her English is very good , and she was keenly interested to learn a new word ( sabbatical ) . I told her about my teachers , Cary , Kino , Hamish . She knows them all and made approving noises . She had already told us stories about Hamish one day at lunch , namely the fact that one year he showed up without his trademark long dreadlocks , which was a massive shock to them all . . . . and we got to hear her big laugh then . We talked about Sharath , she said he has a very hard job and some people say bad things about him . She talked about how he had hurt his back in the past teaching so many hours . She said he is a good man . Basically we were on the same page about Sharath , full of both respect and fondness . I told her about the last conference , how he seems a little fiercer this year , a larger presence . We discussed some of the questions and his answers , and laughed . I asked her how many massages she gives every week ? She told me 3 - 4 per day . ' This is my season , when Sharath closes the shala , I close ' . Between the bodywork and the cooking , they are busy ladies . Shashalika also has a small yoga shala on the other side of the house and teaches there . No - nos for the rest of the day : tomatoes , lemon , coconut , pineapple , curd , cool drinks , going to the pool and swimming in cool water , climbing Chamundi Hill or the like . I was to go home and rest and see how the oil affected me . I woke Appu from his nap in the rickshaw and got him to drop me off at Amruth . . . I wanted to sit in the warm sun with a chai for ten minutes . After that I went home and , erm , went on the Internet for a while ( ! ) . I was actually pretty full of energy , but made myself rest as instructed . No nap , though . A short walk and masala dosa later . The next day I was so full of energy , I went out for a walk and walked all the way into the city along KRS Road , past Supna bookshop , sat down on a corner in the sunshine for ten minutes and walked back down Hunsur Road ( past the Metropole and Regaalis ) . Walking past the lake , I noticed the sun scintillating on the waters , and since it was actually a good time of day to walk around it ( meaning it was open ) , I took a large detour all the way around . Then after that peacefulness I wanted to avoid the main road , so walked back to Gokulam through some back streets and got a little lost . I ended up walking for THREE HOURS , basically without stopping . Castor oil ? Full moon ? In any case , I felt tremendously good in led 2nd this morning , loose and open . So I guess it is safe to say , castor oil does not knock me out . This apparently means I 'm not very toxic : - ) Today was a tough one . Because the full moon is on Sunday we 've had two six - day weeks . Primary series tomorrow , then two days ' rest . I did my dropbacks and went into an iffy handstand , dropped over into a backbend , started trying to jump back over . Sharath was sitting on the stage . His feet didn 't appear . Five or six times I jumped , to no avail . I came down and set up again for handstand . I know where he is . . . . I avoid looking around with that needy look . Crash ! Crash ! Crash ! Over and over I jump , and my feet fall back to the mat . Each time , it seems clumsier and noisier . There are some grunts and groans now . The crashing is making a hell of a racket . My shoulders are doing funny things , and not always the same things left and right . I come down , stand up , set up again . I 'm making a spectacle of myself . I feel sorry for the people beside me ( sorry , Ed ) . I feel sorry for myself . How long have I been trying to do this ? Four years ? When was I first given this work ? Yoga Thailand ? Kino ? Cary ? ? I CAN ' T EVEN REMEMBER , it 's been that long . I feel stupid , I feel self - conscious . The whole room knows about me , because I 'm ' the girl who blogs about practice and Can 't Do Tictocs ' . What a lame spectacle to watch from the foyer . The feet are back , and someone is helping me over . JUST . I 'm tired . . . . I get to the top , I almost crash back the way I came , my legs won 't stay together . . . but over we go . Three times , over and back . I don 't even know who it is until after . It 's the new guy on shift . . . . maybe Spanish ? He 's done a good job , and I 'm grateful . He 's clearly been waved over by Sharath , who will be watching us both . I 'm glad I didn 't fuck up the assisted part , for his sake . Twice over and stand up . At least I can do that . My feet touch my head on the third one and I should be able to hold it , but I have nothing left . . . . over I crash . And stand up . In the changing room : desolation . I AM NO CLOSER TO DOING THIS AFTER ALL THESE YEARS . Honestly , I can 't feel any improvement . WTF . How long will I be hacking away at this ? Sharath doesn 't know I 've been trying to do this for YEARS . . . . I am a Tictoc Loser ! On the way out I thank the assistant again , then I wait at the door . As usual , I catch Sharath 's eye and bow my head . Just as on other days I acknowledge the help , today I acknowledge the lack of help . Which is also help . He gives me a nod and a very kind smile . A short nap . . . . the kind where your body feels nailed to the bed . I contemplate how I can 't maintain this intensity and have a job . Being like this in the office isn 't an option . I can barely move . I call the Three Sisters for a massage appointment . She asks my name and I tell her . ' Susan , from Canada ? ' she asks . I 'm stunned . At the first lunch there last week , she had asked our names and countries . Do they take notes ? ? ! Anyhow , Harini ( I think ? ) seems like a woman who can sort shit out . I expect to be sore by Saturday , not least because I intend to SLEEP A LOT before then ( long sleeps make for stiff body ) . Though right now I feel surprisingly not sore , just . . . . OUF . I 've dropped the ball in Sanskrit . I am not capable of doing the homework . Not because it 's too hard - I 'm getting everything right up till now . But because I don 't have the resources . I simply have nothing left today . . . . . Lunch at Vivian 's , then pick up my mending from Krishna . Five pieces , including a torn dress turned into a top , for £ 3 . 50 , roughly . Chai on the steps and idle chat . I have not done the homework and I am skipping Sanskrit again . Home for a bit , and feeling heroic for writing this , rather than lying on the bed . Soon I 'll be going to a birthday party for smoothies and chocolate cake . I will try to go to bed at 7pm . It 's an early start tomorrow for led . I need to ground my hands more . Next week , I need to get more weight into my hands . I need to spend time visualising all this , in a state of deep , deep relaxation . Roots coming out of the palms of my hands , spreading deep , deep into the Earth . My body won 't miraculously come up until I can press down deeply into my hands . Karen pointed out that I 'm a leggy person . As in , I LOVE to walk . I cover miles and miles on foot . I 'm very grounded in my legs . Arms , I am not as skilled with . Karen also asked a leading question - ' Is it mental or physical ? ' This morning , I 'd answered physical . But it can 't be . It really can 't be . It is mental . Not in a ' freak - out ' sense , not in a ' negativity ' sense , but . . . . in a Paradigm Shift sense . I need to make a leap . But with my hands , haha . I need to visualise it . I need to ' kinesthetise ' it ( made - up word ) . And I need Harini hanging from a rope , digging her heels into my oiled - up muscles . You are in no danger of having a ' pale ' experience here . Sometimes it 's India that blows you away , sometimes it 's your Work that blows you away . This random thing , properly called viparita chakrasana , is my work . Then jumping . Trying to move my chest forward , in accordance with a friend 's advice . That makes sense , but didn 't create magic . A few jumps , then Sharath 's feet appeared and he helped me back over . And he gives juuuuust the minimal amount of help , so that it requires all my strength ; and maybe , just maybe , despite myself , the smallest grunt will escape from my body . The edge . Actually it 's not a lot different from doing it with Cary or Kino , they both give the minimum required as well . Some other teachers just flip you over . I 've been well prepared by my teachers ! Karen and I were discussing this yesterday : it 's just a new level of keeping it together . It 's another cycle . When you begin this practice , surya namaskara B leaves you breathless . You tremble through the standing postures . I noticed three people around me doing a few third series postures , and none of them seemed to do the handstand routine as far as I noticed . I don 't think it is the case that everyone does it , or at least is given it at the same time . The reasons why don 't really matter , but the point is : INDIVIDUALISED TEACHING . Sharath was warm and funny as usual , but also fierce . His eyes were flashing . I love that ! The energy here is different from last year . . . . more potent . Backbends were good , I had Sharath for the second day running , grabbing knees . Yesterday he said ' very good ! ' . Today nothing , but after he gave me a squish I got a shock : ' Next week you do handstands and viparita chakrasana ' ( makes flip - flop motion with hand ) . My eyes must have widened in terror . ' I teach you , ' he added , and walked away . I remembered someone quoting him as saying he only gives handstands to people with big egos . . . . hmmm . He might have been joking , but still . . . . ? Anyway , I 'm unlikely to have a big ego after attempting this . If I don 't fall all over the place and knock him over , I 'll consider it a success . . . . Kino and Cary have been trying to get me to crack this for ages . I only work on them intermittently though . I 've been practicing at home a lot . I got to the point of jumping up with a mighty effort and kicking myself in the head , at best . Or I can do them in headstand off of my coffee table . I need the help of being on my head AND the coffee table , not just one or the other . There seems to be a weak link somewhere , and if I 'm not careful I strain my back . I need to be able to control the action , the way I can control a dropback all the way down . Doing them with assistance can be OK , but it kind of sucks to always need help . Especially since everyone seems to think I should just be able to do it . Today is a major holiday here , a harvest festival , a day of giving thanks . Rather like what Thanksgiving used to be . . . . only with painted cows ! More info in the link above . Practice update : everything is normal now . Led 2nd was way less traumatic this Sunday , despite the fact I was front and centre with Sharath 's feet in my sight as my head bowed for the chant . Today was just kind of ' business as usual ' . Last week 's aching legs are gone and so is the drama , trauma or whatever , for now at least . I am plugging away at my full intermediate practice , slightly wistfully listening to others being given new postures , but in truth if I put in some full weeks of intermediate series here that will be great , the consistency will be an improvement on what I was managing the last few months , when I seemed to be faltering under the demands of everyday life and a job . If I go home with renewed motivation to cope with that , I 'll be very pleased . Sometimes I think I want to write more about practice , then a few hours later it doesn 't seem at all important . Practice is routine , what you do in the morning . . . . like brushing your teeth . . . . only a lot longer and harder . Any minor irritations melt away in the warm glow of a good breakfast or lunch . I 'm in the middle two weeks now . . . I live here . Sanskrit class happens , we can make sentences now . Going to movies happens , most recently Life of Pi . Lots of mingling , walking around , drinking coconuts , chatting , planning lunches , collecting people into the lunch party as you go . Rooftop breakfasts . Sitting out on the steps on 1st Main with a chai , watching the world pass by happens . Today I was haunted a bit in the wee hours by ' my stuff ' . Sigh . Went to practice and had a total meltdown , for completely unrelated and undisclosable reasons . There were a few uncontrollable sobs , actually had to leave my mat and go to the changing room and blow my nose so I could breathe again . Got back and the girl beside me whacked me in the face , by mistake of course . She apologised so it was OK , and did so once again in the changing room afterwards , so I consider her a friend now , nice girl ! Another girl saw me come in upset for closing , she was in shoulderstand and gave my leg a little squeeze . . . . . Went to breakfast and ranted to friends . Had a discussion with another friend on the way out which made me feel A LOT better . Went to chanting , and it really does create positive energy , like magic . Felt totally better afterwards , and standing outside suddenly realised all the physical pain of the first week of 2nd ( mainly impossibly aching legs ) was gone . . . . I 'd been too obsessed with my emotional pain to notice . Started off nice and light though , and wow . . . . it is nice to be in that group . Just the simplest movements of surya namaskar , performed in synch with dozens of practitioners who 've devoted so many years of their lives to this . . . . the soft energy and buoyancy of the breath is palpable . Just Wow . Unfortunately the breath got away from me a little bit during the ' anti - gravity backbends ' ( as I call shalabasana through parsva dhanurasana . . . . whereas ustrasana through kapo , whilst not exactly ' with gravity ' , are less of a strain ) . And whilst assisting supta vaj ( i . e . resting ) , I noticed I was having a tachycardia , or runaway heartbeat , i . e . my heart was beating harder and faster than the norm . OK , I get this sometimes , more often apropos of nothing than during practice , and I have a technique for resynching my heartbeat to the breath . NB I have discussed this with my doctor and had all the heart tests , so no lectures in the comments , please ! ! ! If it came down to a choice between dying on the mat and getting sent back , I would have stopped , but I found I could carry on , though I couldn 't apply my normalising technique during full - on practice . So the rest of it was shaky and somewhat breathless . If you were watching from the foyer you might have seen me doing some sneaky mouth breathing and checking my pulse , though my moral support , Karen , couldn 't notice . Anyway , it was HARD , I couldn 't get karandavasana up on my own , my face was fully swimming in sweat , and by shoulderstand there may have been a ' nerve cleansing ' tear or two mixed in . No blood though ; - ) Yesterday 's mysore session was better , and today 's was nearly flying . BUT . The pain ! After , I mean , not during . In the legs , mainly , which makes navigating hilly Gokulam a bit of a trial : I 'm sure I am walking funny ! Not entirely sure why practice here has this effect , as my full practice at home has another 16 postures . . . not that I 've been doing all of it lately , but still . . . . . And yesterday : totally wiped out . Absolutely useless , laid out flat on the bed . Sleeping odd hours , full of freakish and disturbing dreams , unable to move sometimes in the grip of a massively body - stoned torpor . . . . this place is fucking with my energy levels something crazy . But hey , that is OK though . . . that 's why I am here and not in the office . . . . . . So a typical day involves getting up around 4 : 00 even though practice has only been moved up to 8 : 30 so far . . . . which is really 8 : 00 ( if you don 't know . . . don 't ask ! ) . After practice comes a crucial part of the day , namely BREAKFAST . At some point during the day there is either the mandatory chanting session ( creating positive vibe in us and in the shala ) , or Sanskrit class , or conference , all of which may involve a long wait and / or sitting in a crowded room in intense heat . There is a lot of walking between one thing and another , and if carrying the heavy Manduka , each step can be a giant effort . A lunch or a dinner with friends . Errands , shopping , a chai on the main strip watching the world seamlessly wheel by . . . and soon it is time for bed . Thus the days are full , enjoyable , exhausting . This morning was led primary series at 6 : 00 . I didn 't buy into the whole ' arrive early ' thing last year , preferring to arrive ' just on time ' and go for a place in the foyer . But this year I decided to stick with Karen , and off we set at ten to five . The warm , still , humid morning reminded me of Canadian evenings in the summer , and it was simply too beautiful to speak with the trees hanging motionless in the mist and the half moon shining down , so although I had plenty to babble to Karen about , we walked mostly in silence . And actually the wait outside the shala was just another deliriously beautiful experience . . . . sitting on the stone bench ( as the steps were already full ) , surrounded by all the foliage inside the gates , and the looming shadows it cast against the shala wall ; the small ( growing ) crowd of ashtangis sitting with closed eyes or completing their Sanskrit homework ; Sharath 's voice counting out the 4 : 30 class inside , the rhythmic Sanskrit syllables like a lullaby to those who aren 't actually doing the lifting and sweating ; a couple of latecomers actually practicing outside ( within the gates ) , and a very gentle street dog showing the same respect as all of us for the early morning stillness as it weaved its way through , giving out a nuzzle here and there . And since I actually ended up in a decent spot in the front row AND had time to get to the toilet in the few minutes ' break where 70 - odd people file out and the same amount scramble in and claim their places , the experiment could be considered a resounding success . And I had a very nice practice . . . and maybe I 've just been lucky so far , but it seems like my mat neighbours this year have been particularly self - contained , aware , and nice to be near . The rest of the day as usual revolved around conversation and food , and as usual the buzz from the morning 's practice fuelled a kind of quiet rapture throughout the rest of the day . . . . So the bedding - in week of primary series is over . A week ago today I arrived , after two nights of barely any sleep , having left my flat at 3 : 00am and made stops in Frankfurt and Abu Dhabi en route . That meant that the longest flight was six hours , and I got to stretch my legs in the aforementioned airports , then managed to arrive in an adequate state of sleep deprivation to doze the whole 3 1 / 2 hours from Bangalore . Yes ! ! Awaking after sunrise , I decided to look at the scenery for the remaining half hour , but as soon as I gazed out the window it all looked strangely familiar , and indeed it turned out we had just turned onto Contour Road and a moment later pulled up at my hotel . Apparently I 'd been following along in my sleep . . . . A busy day followed , meeting lots of friends and running errands . It was nice to arrive this time and know the drill , and I was buzzing ! To cut it short , I ended up with Kristen at the Green Hotel , and after dinner we decided to rickshaw it home rather than walk , because it was quite late by then and surely I should be exhausted ? We finally flagged one down , who tried to charge 150 rupees ( at least triple the rate ) , so we walked on in disgust , with him following beside shouting figures at us , finally agreeing to turn on the meter , at which point we got in . A terrifying ride ensued as the rickshaw seemed to be falling apart , tipping dangerously to the left ( my side ) , even seeming to nearly go over as he swerved to the left of a speed bump on Gokulam Main Road . I had visions of myself lying maimed underneath it , and was relieved to be dropped at the corner . Important detail : Kristen paid him . I felt panic rise . I hadn 't got organised yet . Everything was in there . In that one little packet were my shala fees ( a lot of rupees ) , a couple of hundred pounds , my debit and credit cards and online banking fob , and my PASSPORT , as well as the expired passport containing my residence permit , which I need to get back into the UK . . . . I called the numbers on the Green Hotel website . They were all wrong numbers . I knew I had last had it there , when I paid . I texted Kristen . I needed to keep her awake for moral support . She was on it , my lifeline . I was on the verge of not being able to dress myself . Deep breaths . I wasn 't DYING . . . . I put on my running shoes and ran back there - down past the crematorium and up Kalidasa Road , and the adrenaline that could have fuelled the panic went into moving my legs , one after the other . . . . breath , heartbeats , breath , feet . . . . . The gates were closed . I peered through . One gate swung open , giving me a fat lip . It vaguely registered that I was lucky not to have lost any teeth . The gatekeeper sent me through to reception . I woke the night porter from his snooze beside the desk . I explained . ' Oh yes . . . ' But no . Four more men appeared and together we searched outside around the table , but clearly it wasn 't there . The waiter knew me from last year . He is nice and I leave tips . He would have turned it in . . . . The kind men asked questions and clucked sympathetically . They insisted that one of them should drop me back home ( it was midnight ) . I declined . . . . I wanted to walk the long way back , the rickshaw route . It had to have fallen out in the rickshaw , or on the road . . . . . There ensued a mental debate about the moral character of the rickshaw driver . We hadn 't got on with him , but . . . would he ? Surely not . . . ? Overcharging didn 't make him a hardened criminal . . . . Walking along Gokulam Main Road in the dark . There are few people about at that time . It isn 't very scary though , safer than London . I wasn 't going to die . They weren 't going to lock me up . I wasn 't lying maimed under a rickshaw . . . . my body was still mine . My lip was stinging , but as a bonus , I had all my teeth ! So this trip was going to be a little different . It wasn 't going to be too relaxing . There 'd be trips to Bangalore . There 'd be a LOT of red tape . . . . I should cancel the credit card now . I should call my mother . Kristen and others would lend me money to register . I would still practice , and apart from that I 'd put up with a little bit of hell and just be glad to be alive . . . . And then it was there , lying on the side of the road by the speed bump . About six inches by four inches , black , with pink ribbon sewn on that says ' lolli ' on one side and ' pops ' on the other . I walked over and picked it up . Everything was inside . It had been lying in the road for over an hour . Thus ended my first day in Mysore this trip . I 'm kind of hoping that 's the biggest adventure I have this time round . Still and all , it seems an auspicious start . . . .
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We got word this week that Bethany is betrothed . Hard to believe our youngest daughter is the first to catch the eye of a handsome young man and receive an offer of marriage . The boy in question is one of their little buddies at Little Bears . We 've heard about " K " before , usually in adoring tones and usually about his mad dancing skills . I 've met K and agree that he 's a cutie . Little did I know that underneath the golden curls and sweet smile dwelt the heart of a Romeo . Apparently Abigail was a close second choice , with K announcing that he wanted to marry both Doepken girls . Bethany put her foot down , however , and told him he could only choose one of them . And somehow , she managed to be the one . I 'll keep you all posted on when the big day will be . Sometime closer to 2036 , I hope ! Posted by I 'm usually the one who seeks the easiest route to dinner when it 's my turn to make it , whether it 's leftovers , pasta and sauce or quesadillas . Tonight , Jim pulled a " julie " and suggested an easy dinner : a trip to Silvertip Grill . We had a groupon that was burning a hole in our pocket needed to be printed out , so off we went ( minus Samuel , who is having his belated birthday / movie / sleepover party at Jim 's parents ' rental cabin tonight ) . You surely know the game . " I spy with my little eye something that is . . . " and name a color . Now , to play the game fairly ( and truthfully ) , you really should ' find ' something and keep that thing in mind when you state the color and answer the ' is it . . . ' questions . Bethany seemed to do that . Abigail , not so much . Her replies to the ' is it . . . ' questions seemed a little fishy at times . Like she decided to change her answer to favor one ' player ' over another . That one player was usually me . This was going to be it ! The summer we finally took the little girls on their first camping trip . ( Jim calls them The Short Louds occasionally . . . the name fits . ) Only we weren 't making it happen . We had ' post school year de - stressing ' and lots of baseball games ( as you know , if you read this blog ) and my Tuesday night classes thrown in there and then Forest Fair and my parents ' final days of visiting and then . . . oh wait ! We didn 't really have anything else for a couple of weeks besides getting together with some dear friends who were up visiting parents . When our friends suggested going camping together , I thought it would be a great combination of camping and hanging out . Schedules were cleared , plans were made and the countdown began . The little girls were pretty excited about the whole thing and kept asking how many sleeps till we went camping . Thankfully , the tent was intact . Packed away with several dead bugs , but intact . And that was a very good thing . Because it started to rain when we were about 20 minutes away from our campsite . And it rained while we debated about setting up the tent now or when the rain might slack off . And it rained while we caught up with our friends . Thankfully , it stopped raining after a little while and we were able to set up the tent , explore the Trail River Campground a bit and enjoy some conversation around the campfire . The rain abated just about the time that Susannah broke down and donned a stylish black trash bag over her ( my ) ineffective rain coat . And yes , this little coincidence meant that we requested that she keep said trash bag on , even though it was not raining . : ) The men were all about finding more wood to keep the fire going , and Jim and our friend David came back with a huge log to contribute to the firewood stash . Problem was they had to cut it down a little . With a hand saw . And maybe a hatchet ( not sure if it was used or not ) . Dave mostly worked on sawing while Jim mostly worked on balancing . Or something like that : What Jim was really doing was keeping one end of the log ' secured ' while Dave tried breaking off the other end , after sawing through it most of the way . It didn 't really work , other than entertaining those of us watching . ( I still think those two could be in the lumberjack show at the AK State Fair . ) Eventually , Jim just started throwing the log down onto the other log and it did break off . More firewood for us ! How bizarre . . . the rest of the post has disappeared . I had more photos , more about little boats the kids made , etc . Guess I 'll have to rewrite this one when I get a chance . Sorry ! Friday , July 1 , was the first day of the Fair this year and it was a rainy , cloudy , chilly day . Friday is always a good day to hit the booths because it usually isn 't crowded and everyone has full inventories . And the weather meant even fewer Friday fair - goers . I scored a new utensil crock in my favorite color scheme from Irwin Pottery ( Alaskan Summer 2 , if you must know ) and I also worked the t - shirt shack that evening . Always a highlight of my fair experience . Moriah and Susannah decided to make and sell duct tape wallets and recycled juice pouch totes again . This year , though , because they were 13 , they had to buy a ' real ' booth space . It was at a greatly reduced rate , thankfully , and was at the very end of one of the newer loops at the fair . Their spot made them nervous about whether or not people would actually come all the way down the loop , but it ended up being just fine and they saw plenty of traffic . They made almost $ 500 , too . Not a bad haul for a couple of teenagers . At some point on Friday , a friend of theirs took a card , wrote her name on it and taped it to the canopy . Then another friend wrote + and her name and taped it up . Then another friend and another . . . and so on and so on ( isn 't that from a shampoo commercial ? ) . Anyway . Turns out that even perfect strangers were intrigued by this and wanted to add their names to the growing collection . By the end of the fair , 50 people had taped up their names . Ah , the randomness of Forest Fair . Not nearly as random as the weird couple walking around dressed as rabbits and carrying a rabbit ' baby ' ( hand puppet ) or the guy wearing only a Speedo and a cowboy hat ( ewww ) , but random enough . Yes , baseball is finally over . It 's actually ended more than two weeks ago but somehow it feels like it was just yesterday . That could be from the overload of a lot of games in a short amount of time , but whatever the case , we were glad to end our late - afternoon drives into Anchorage . Don 't get me wrong , the games were fabulous and it was a joy to watch each and every one . But daily trips into Anchorage and sitting on bleachers and being tense over plays and batting and fielding . . . well , it kinda wears one down . Or more than one . As the last couple of tournament games wound down for Moriah 's team , they continued to play hard and really gave it their all . The Cubs made it to the championship game ( s ) , winning the first to force the second in a double header thriller . If those kids had had a little more rest and their best pitchers ( as the team from the ' winners ' bracket had ) , I do believe they may have pulled off a victory . But really , what they achieved was amazing and we were all incredibly proud of how they played and how they conducted themselves throughout the tournament . Moriah was able to pitch once more . Literally . Once . She threw a pitch that was hittable , the batter popped it up and it was caught for the final out in the bottom of the sixth inning of the final game . It was clear that her team was running out of steam ( yeah , that rhymes ) , but they still set up an incredible opportunity in the top of the seventh . They started the inning four runs behind and one run had come in . With two outs making everyone nervous , two more players got on base and the ' home run hitter ' came up to bat . It was quite exciting , and cautious optimism had crept in just a bit . The batter hit a deep fly ball . . . waaayyyyyy back . . . that was caught . Just a few feet from the fence . It was a ' awwwww ' moment for our team but boy was that kid who caught it justifiably thrilled with his running catch . If the Cubs had to lose , they at least did it in a way that showed they came to play to the very end . They took second place in the tournament and have every reason to be absolutely proud of the way they played through that tournament . Thanks for memories , guys ! Moriah took on quite the challenge this summer . She decided to play Little League again this year . That in and of itself wasn 't the challenge , as she 's played Little League for several years , and had great fun and success while doing it . But this year , because Moriah is 13 , she had to play at the Junior level . . . on a bigger field . . . with bigger pressures . . . and no other girls in the entire Juniors league . Compared to most of the players on her team , Moriah is not as skilled and usually only plays about 3 innings per game . She has been in right field most of the games with a few departures to third base ( once ) and second base ( twice , I think ) . Moriah 's gotten some hits , she 's fielded pretty well and has been an asset to her team as well as fun to watch . This year 's " Girdwood " team has almost half their players from Anchorage and the team has been pretty good , with more wins than losses . Per this blog post title . . . her baseball season has been extended . Her team is currently playing in a double - elimination tournament , working their way through the loser 's bracket ( darn that Dimond West team who beat them that first night ! ) . They played three games in a row last week and played again last night . They play tonight and possibly tomorrow and two games on Thursday , if they keep winning . Because of their survival in the tournament , Moriah just added a new position to her repertoire last night . . . pitcher ! She pitched in the minors and majors but has not had an opportunity to do so this year . There are good pitchers on her team and she hasn 't been tapped to work on her pitching . With the advancement through the tournament and restrictions on how much and often youth can pitch , the team is in danger of burning through their good pitchers and jeopardizing their chances of continuing to win . Jim got a call over the weekend to work with Moriah on her pitching , which caused no little excitement around here . She practiced a bit at a junior field in Anchorage and then worked with another lefty pitcher who gave her some helpful tips . Then , during last night 's game , she was ' called up ' ( is that the right baseball terminology ? ) to pitch . Moriah 's ' save ' last night not only ' saved ' the win , but it ' saved ' other more seasoned pitchers from being unavailable in more critical games . I love that she was able to contribute to her team during the tournament in this way . On another , non - baseball note , after the game the little girls ( who came by the field after watching Cars 2 with Papa and Granna ) ran to the slide that is among the AOR ball fields . It 's a fast slide and they love to visit it , whenever they go to a game . Whee ! Abigail slides . As I mentioned in this post a couple of years ago , we felt a little blindsided about the clubfoot diagnosis during my pregnancy with Abigail and Bethany . After some research , we came to understand that clubfoot wasn 't that big of deal and it appeared that the treatment for most clubfoot kids would be ' short ' and successful when using the Ponseti method ( and if you follow that link , the current photo looks a lot like Bethany 's feet did at birth , only hers were even ' flatter ' ) . We anticipated the best and weathered some stressful weeks while she was casted and corrected and had minor surgery down in Seattle and embarked on her brace wearing protocol . Once we settled into the ' sleepy shoes ' era , things were pretty smooth and we followed the protocol as nearly as possible . Once she turned four , we had high hopes and basically expected her to be released from her Ponseti brace . She had been wearing it for approximately 12 hours a night for the last three or so years and we were all ready for her to be done with it . So . . . way back in February , Bethany had her yearly check up with Dr . Mosca , the ' foot guy ' who comes up from Seattle once or twice a year to see club feet kiddos . Dr . Mosca watched her walk , watched her run up and down the hallway ( Abigail had to do it first because Bethany had an attack of the ' I won 't do anything for you because I 've become incapacitated by my shyness ' ) , manipulated her feet this way and that and proclaimed her fully corrected , giving us the happy news that she indeed could stop wearing her brace . I 'll admit that there was some trepidation on my part when he said " see you in a year " for her next checkup , because relapse does happen occasionally . But as far as I can tell , her feet still look great and she 's doing just fine . On our way home , I wanted to stop at a store . This was to try to purchase something I had promised Bethany now and then over the years once she stopped wearing her brace . Jim and the babes stayed in the car and I went into a Fred Meyer , hoping against hope that all of the winter clothing hadn 't been completely put aside for springtime fashions . Pause for a mini - rant : Why oh why don 't chain stores understand that we Alaskans need our winter clothes available for sale a little longer than most other places in the US ? Seriously . . . bathing suits in January ? With several feet of snow still on the ground ? Geesh . Okay , I 've said my piece . Thank you . Anyhoo . . . thankfully , I found what I was looking for and a very excited Bethany donned these that very night : What was so special ? Well , these were Bethany 's very first pair of footed pajamas . Ever . ( Okay , maybe that 's not totally true since she did wear those footed sleeper things as a tiny baby , but definitely her first footed pjs that she made the conscious decision that she really wanted to wear ! ) I have to admit that it made me choke up a little , seeing her excitement over footed pjs . But really , after watching Abigail wear them over the years and mentioning wanting a pair , it was cool to finally give her that small thing . This year 's school play was called Wonderland , performed on April 13 and 14 . It was sort of Alice in Wonderland but with additional characters and centered around a chess game theme . Susannah landed one of the lead roles as Alice , and she was on stage for virtually the entire play . She sort of stayed put and the ' scenes ' evolved / revolved around her with minimal props and scenery . It almost felt stream of consciousness and didn 't always seem to make full sense . The other characters were entertaining and it was fun to see them interact with Susannah 's Alice . A few times , Susannah guided her fellow actors to their correct lines and kept the play going smoothly . It was a pleasure to see her leadership and her two solos were beautiful . Of course ( by this mom 's measure ) , the most entertaining ' side ' character was Hatta , played by Moriah . She thought it would be a bigger role , like the Mad Hatter , and she had some momentary angst when comparing Alice 's stage time with her character 's stage time . Even though the role was smaller than she would have liked , Moriah totally played up her scenes and was a definite highlight of the play . I will try to update this and put some photos on , but all I have right now is the video I took of the play . I 'm not sure I 'll post the songs they sang , but I might . The girls may have some photos from the play on their cameras , too . . . . Huh . . . who would have thought ? I didn 't get caught up on blogging . I did go ' dark ' on Facebook for Lent , which was a good thing . But I didn 't get much blogging done . At all . Oops . Since my last post ( a month ago ! ) , we have seen the girls perform in the school play , have watched my certificate / student teaching drama unfold , have gotten confirmation on some summer visitors and sent our two older daughters off to Washington , D . C . I 'm sure other things have happened as well , but those jump to mind as the biggies . Now that my semester is coming to an end and the school year is coming to an end , maybe I will get caught up . I have this awful feeling that approximately three people read this blog ( one of them being my darling husband ) and I 'm guessing my inconsistency in posting is the main culprit . Let 's see if I can fix that . Stay tuned . . . . the younger generation of Doepkens also fell in love with Star Wars . Especially Susannah , who developed a huge crush on Han Solo . Yeah , we know . She knows . He 's ' old ' now . She doesn 't care . He 's cute in the movie and that 's good enough for her . In fact , she 's so enamored of the first ( last ? ) three movies , Susannah has orchestrated two different movie marathons with her friends to introduce them to the joy that is gazing at Mr . Solo . Samuel , Moriah , Jim and I all watched The Count of Monte Cristo tonight and thoroughly enjoyed it . After the movie , we had a discussion about whether or not the movie followed the book ( it doesn 't completely , according to one of Samuel 's friends who 's read it . . . . it 's still on my mental reading list ) . Then , we had a discussion about the name of the friend who betrayed the ' count ' . None of us could remember what it was , but we all knew that it wasn 't whatever Samuel was saying it was . That led us to imdb . com to look at the cast . Aha ! Guy Pearce played Count Mondego . Jim ( now James ) Caviezel played the ' Count ' of Monte Cristo ( I swear I thought it was the Count of Monty Crisco , once upon a time ) . I followed various links to see what actors had been in what movies , thankfully satisfying Moriah 's nagging suspicion that she had seen Guy Pearce in something else . Yes ! an ad for The King 's Speech . What in the world does this have to do with Star Wars you ask ? Good question ! Somehow , and I truly don 't recall the particular rabbit trail at this point , we looked up Mark Hamill 's imdb listing . Did you know that he 's been a hugely successful and prolific voice - over actor for tons ( and tons ! ) of animated series and video games ? Yep . Stickybeard and The Joker and some part on a Spongebob episode . Well , he has . I scrolled way down to see what movies or shows he had been in right before he hit it big with Star Wars . And there it was , sandwiched between Corvette Summer and The Empire Strikes Back . Do you know what I am talking about ? Do any of you have flashbacks from a childhood viewing of what I 'm about to reveal ? Okay . Here goes . There was a Star Wars Holiday Special . In 1978 . A TV movie , apparently starring Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill and James Earl Jones ' voice . Seriously . Oh , and it also starred Bea Arthur , Art Carney , Diahann Carroll and ( wait for it . . . ) Harvey Korman ! Amidst all of the laughter and snorting , I went directly to Netflix to look for it . Sigh . Not there . Off to YouTube , where we found it , uploaded in segments . The ' channel ' I found looked to have the 97 minute movie in five - minute pieces and we began to watch . And giggle . And chuckle . And wonder why in the WORLD anyone thought this was a good idea . We ended up watching the next two ( or three ? ) segments , cringing at the ' plot ' and noting that the number of views for each segment kept decreasing . Smart people stop watching really bad movies when their eyeballs start to itch . Not us . What finally got us to stop watching was that it was after midnight and we had to get to bed . The kids and I now have competition for Jim 's attention . Possibly for his affection . Actually , I 'm thinking that even Hurley - dog might have to worry . It came in such an unsuspecting little box , looking so innocent , so generic . With very little fanfare , it arrived while we were all away from home . Maybe that was the plan all along ? Sneak in , under the radar , and make its move . Of course Jim was far away when it arrived . This new addition that he had sought after and dreamed about and squirreled money away for . I was cheeky enough to tease Jim by asking to play with this newcomer , never intending on usurping Jim 's place as the first to establish a relationship with it . But I confess I did enjoy his somewhat anxious " I 'd rather you didn 't " response . And now , Jim is fully engaged in acquainting himself with his new friend . In full - on grin - and - discovery mode . He 's been home a little over an hour and I feel like chopped liver . Or something . I know , soon , I 'll come to accept this new addition to our family . Maybe even get to know it a little . If Jim will introduce me . We 'll see about that one . Welcome home , iPad . I ' cut ' Abigail 's hair once . A while ago . And only because her hair was growing straight down into her face and you couldn 't see what a cutie she was . So I did what any nervous - to - be - wielding - scissors - close - to - a - toddler 's - face mom would do . I grabbed her hair , lifted it straight up away from head and face , and cut . Hey , it worked well enough . I could see her eyes afterwards . But since then , Abigail 's hair has grown with the exception of the small snip of ' bangs ' she gave herself about a year ago . Bethany has never had a hair cut that I recall , although my brain seems to be recalling at least a desire to rid her of her baby mullet . I 'm not sure I did anything about it , though . Fast forward to about two months ago , when Abigail began asking for a ' haircut like Maile 's ' . The style in question was a bob , and a very cute one at that . Considering what a nightmare it could be to brush her long hair , the prospect of a short hair style was definitely appealing . But there was a small part of me that resisted , mostly because ( if I am to be perfectly honest here ) I coveted Abigail 's hair . A little . Okay , a lot . Her silky , shiny , straight blond hair was right out of my curly - haired daydreams . Not only was I reluctant to cut that beautiful hair , but I also was reluctant to tote the little girls to Anchorage to get a haircut . Not my idea of fun on a Saturday . Then a friend told me about a gal who comes to your house and cuts hair . For a very reasonable price . Okay . . . this may just work ! Especially since Bethany and Moriah both started making requests for haircuts as well . She came to my house with only a few days advance notice ( waaaaay better than the gal who cuts used to cut my hair in Anchorage , who has a waiting list at least a month long ) and quickly got to business . In no time at all , Abigail , Bethany and Moriah were shiny and shorn and her bill was only $ 30 . For a haircut house call ! The results were totally worth it and totally adorable . I must say that I learned a new lesson that day : put newspaper or another something on the ground to catch hair . Otherwise it 's a bear to clean up . ( the price of doing business with someone who doesn 't have an official place of business . . . cleaning up your own hair ) The random blobs you see on the cupcakes ? Well , those are princess - themed sprinkles that I had seen at the store and had squirreled away for a time such as this . The cupcakes were liberally covered with Cinderella 's ' slippers ' , Snow White 's ' apples ' , Sleeping Beauty 's ' crowns ' and little ' pearls ' that , according to Abigail , are from Tiana ( of The Princess and the Frog fame , if you 're not as familiar with one of the newer princesses ) . Abigail and Bethany were fairly convinced that they 'd be having a party this year , since a couple of their little buddies had had parties . I quickly disabused them of that notion because I refuse to start that whole crazy - ness before any of my kids turn five . By then , they may be old enough to really get the Kris - Malecha - Party - or - Present option * , something introduced to me years ago and that I totally and completely LOVE . I did , however , tell them that they could invite over special family friends and they chose to invite NeNe ( aka Lynné ) and her two daughters . The cake I made for them was definitely not my finest , but it was fun . They wanted a princess cake , with a castle , so I finagled one out of cake rounds and sugar cones . In the planning stages in my mind , the cake was going to be rectangular , but it just didn 't end up that way . It did have a ' moat ' with ' fish ' , a grassy area and a walkway leading up to the front castle entrance , though . Not too shabby . They also opened some gifts that night and loved every single one . They played with the ice cream parlor toys that reminded them of what their big brother does at his job . They cuddled their new baby dolls . They built new structures with their Magna Tiles . And we had a hard time getting them to bed , away from all those cool toys ! All in all , a happy fourth birthday . Hard to believe that much time has passed since the day they were born . * Our kids all have the option of a party OR a present from us . If they have a party , then it can be a ' big ' one such as a roller skating party or bowling party . That , then , is our ' present ' to them . If they choose a present , then it can be a ' big ' one such as a wooden doll house or pierced ears / earrings . It 's a great option and one that we will incorporate with the littlest Doepkens as soon as they are old enough to host a party . I just went ' dark ' on Facebook for the remainder of Lent . A little late in getting started on that because I allowed my brain to go into complete vacation mode while we were in Hawaii . Now that we 're home and settled back in somewhat , I figured it was a good time to follow through on my decision to give up one of the things that is wasting my time and keeping me from doing other things , like blogging here . Abigail continues to be a child who really needs sleep . I can tell when she hasn 't had a ' nap day ' when I pick her up from Little Bears . And today she didn 't get a nap . The next delightful interchange occurred over the choice of pjs . The two options held no appeal , but again I held fast and she chose the princess gown . She made it very * very * clear how unhappy she was , but the choice was made . Bethany wasn 't totally innocent at this point and was dithering and dallying herself . That 's when I set the timer for 5 minutes and challenged them to get dressed and teeth brushed before it went off . The timer gambit may have been my fatal flaw in getting Abigail too wound up , but it did result in two little girls totally ready for books ( even a potty stop , which I hadn 't required quite yet ) . Book reading was rough . Abigail didn 't want to share my lap and hit and kicked out at me and her sister . After a warning , I turned away from her and read anyway . She realized I was serious and settled in for the story , looking sort of ' around ' my side and staying put . Songs were a little easier ( but not completely peaceful ) , and I could tell her energy was waning . She snuggled during her song and got into bed when asked . Her breathing almost immediately deepened and she finally relaxed . By the time all the songs were done , she was murmuring her ' good nights ' and she went off to la la land . I love my daughters . But I have to admit I have a hard time ' feeling the love ' at times . Like tonight , at the height of Abigail 's tizzy . Susannah and I wore ourselves out yesterday with her ' big ' Christmas present : a ' shopping spree ' with Mom . We went out to Kohl 's , where Susannah surprised herself by trying on and liking a sweater she would have normally passed by and pairing it with a cute ruffly tank top . Susannah found some cute jewelry to accessorize the new tops , too . The next stop was the Dimond Mall . We hit Aerie , Forever 21 , Old Navy , DQ / Orange Julius , Auntie Anne 's and the Calendar Store . Scored two great things at Forever 21 that has TONS of stuff to look at ( and even Mom tried on something ) . The calendar store had all calendars 75 % off and everything else was 50 % off . I got some Buckyballs for myself for only $ 15 . All in all , we had an awesome day of hanging out , fashion suggestions and general togetherness . Susannah shops sorta like I do , content to wander a bit , meander some , and take her time to look through stacks and racks to find treasures . We were both pretty tired by the end of the day , though , and spent about 10 hours out and about ( including the two hours of driving ) . And you didn 't think that was possible , after my last post , did you ? We - ell , let me tell you that dinner is seldom boring at our house . And almost never quiet . Tonight 's loudest entertainment came from the esteemed father of the household , who made interesting noises and faces with his dinner glass . He somehow inserted his lower jaw into the glass , creating suction with this mouth and a rather undignified - sounding noise along with it . The process was something like this : insert chin and mouth , pull down glass to create noise while making a weird face , pop the glass off his face and begin the whole thing again . It sure made the little girls giggle ( and me , too ) . Before and in between all of this glorious noise , Abigail was busy consigning ' titles ' upon her big sisters . Moriah was a princess and Susannah was a . . . rabbit . ? ? Then , Abigail further shared what she thought about her sisters . Moriah was awesome and Susannah was . . . stinky . Yep . Stinky . I have to say that I beg to differ because I don 't find Susannah stinky . Moriah is indeed awesome and Abigail declared Daddy , Mommy and Bethany awesome as well , smart girl . Poor defenseless Bubby was at work , but Abigail eventually pulled him into the conversation and pronounced him as part of the Stinky club ( and yeah , he 's a teen - aged boy . . . she wasn 't too far off the mark some days , to be honest ) . Anyone send in the Dinner with the Doepkens pilot idea to TLC yet ? Samuel posed an interesting idea tonight : a reality show called Dinner with the Doepkens . This was caused by the chaotic cacophony that came about after the core consumption of our comestibles was complete . ( * snort * like my use of alliteration ? ) Anyway ! Jim made us a scrumptious meal of turkey , mashed potatoes and veggies tonight and the five older Doepkens had thoroughly enjoyed it . Especially the mashed potatoes , which were made with garlic salt ( or just garlic ? ) , cheddar cheese and parmesan cheese . Hearty and thick , with chunks of potato . . . . sigh . * licks chops * Perhaps Samuel 's impression of a pterodactyl began the noise - fest . Squawking in Abigail 's face , raising his arms in a ' wing - like ' manner . Then snatching Bethany from her chair and airlifting her to the couch , pterodactyl - ing the entire way . Cast of characters : Jim : UM pastor and all - around awesome husband and father who loves his hyper Hurley dog . Samuel : 18 , only singleton , attentive and loving big brother , fabulous sandwich maker , webcomic reader , heading off to UAA this fall to study History . Moriah : 15 , ukulele - playing sensitive tomboy who loves The Doctor , Castle , Sherlock and being a nerd . Susannah , 15 , loves clothes and makeup , The Doctor , Supernatural , Sherlock and Castle . Would expire without the internet . Abigail : 6 , goofy grinner , dancer , budding artist , exuberant hugger and boundary pusher . Bethany : 6 , comic snuggle bug , lover of her blue doggie , Ponseti brace graduate , curly - headed mimic . View my complete profile
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Yesterday , I did a load of dishes . And it 's important that we 're really clear about what happened here , so let me elaborate . Ed and I collectively have quite a few dishes , and a large number of them were dirty . I was picking up these dirty dishes , one by one , and placing them on the dishwasher racks . Once I was done , I would I put a little square of soap into the dishwasher , close it , move a small lever to lock the door , and slightly rotate a dial . A couple of hours later , there would be clean dishes . This is not at all difficult or taxing , and yet we are a couple of days behind on dishes . As usual . Whence the following conversation as I was loading : Me : We suck at life . Ed : Oh , I know . Me : How could anyone have this easy of a life . . . Ed : And suck at it this much ? Me : Yeah . Ed : I don 't know , but we do . [ pause ] Ed : We can 't solve any real problems , that 's why we solve made - up problems . Me : Right ! So that 's why we 're in math ? Ed : Yep . Me : So we can be like , " Oh , what if we had this type of thing , and we called it a blah de blah , then what else could we say about it ? " and just give ourselves easier problems to work on ? Ed : Yep . Me : My god , I think you 're right . Posted by Once upon a time , Sally and I used to talk about something we called " being demonstrative , " by which we meant not excessive displays of affection , but rather statements like , " Oh , isn 't Paris lovely this time of year ? " or the way that someone we knew once took out chopsticks to eat a burrito , claiming that the year she had just spent in Japan had made it difficult for her to eat with a fork . In other words , we were talking about statements calculated to demonstrate something - a practice akin to name - dropping . I 've recently been thinking about another type of obnoxious behavior . It 's one in which many people sometimes engage , and I find myself tempted by it often . It 's also something I have learned to recognize as an immediate warning sign about a person 's personality . It is an almost universally obnoxious trait : self - description . Some ( hypothetical ) examples : I 'm not the kind of person who watches TV . I guess I 'm just more cynical than that . I 'm just a big ole country girl . Most people either love me or hate me . I 'm one of those people who can 't stand pedantry . It 's interesting - it 's hard to write examples of this , because some of it comes down to intent . If your intent is ( honestly ) humble or self - denigrating ( " I 'm kind of an asshole before I have my coffee " ) , then that 's not what I 'm takling about . Likewise if you 're being ironic . But often these types of statements come from a demonstrative type of intent - a strong desire to demonstrate your characteristics to others , especially people you have just met . And in that context it somehow becomes really obnoxious . It is like you have this obsession to present yourself . I guess an obsession with oneself is never attractive in a social context . A few months ago , a friend and I had a conversation via IM . Afterwards , I thought , jesus , we just had a fight - I hope she didn 't notice . I could feel myself being obnoxious during it and I thought she was a little obnoxious too . Later she texted me to apologize for being that way , and I apologized too . I 'm pasting in the transcriptPosted by In May of 2004 , I had some blood tests done by my doctor . My cholesterol was a bit high , so she recommended that I cut back on saturated fat . I ended up making a lot of changes to my diet then - cut saturated fat significantly ( I was logging everything back then , so this was easy to say ) , cut back on fast food , and ate a lot more whole grains and vegetables at home . I remembered today that I had a c - reactive protein test back then , and I thought I might have emailed Sally about it at the time , so I searched my Gmail for " CRP " and turned up an email I wrote a year later when I had more tests done . I 'm interested in CRP because it is a marker of inflammation , which may be one of the causes of leptin resistance , which may be a major cause of obesity . Anyway , I now present , for your reading pleasure , this email from 2005 . Last May , when I got my high cholesterol numbers ( from tests takenin April ) , I radically changed my diet . Remember ? Sure you do . I have pretty much kept with those changes , and I have also lost 29pounds since then . Well , I just got my blood test results back . Here is a comparison : April - - - - - - - total cholesterol : 211 ( should be < 200 ) hdl ( " good " ) : 43 ( should be > 40 ) ldl ( " bad " ) : 151 ( should be < 130 ) triglycerides : 85 ( should be < 150 ) Now ( February ) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - total cholesterol : 219 ( should be < 200 ) hdl ( " good " ) : 38 ( should be > 40 ) ldl ( " bad " ) : 166 ( should be < 130 ) triglycerides : 112 ( should be < 150 ) So basically , all of my numbers have gotten WORSE rather than better , despite my having lost a substantial amount of weight ( 13 % of theweight I had in April , in fact ) and changed my diet in all therecommended ways ( if not to all of the recommended extents ) . In addition , this time I had that Cardio CRP test . I got a 10 . 7 . Here is what the reference numbers are : < 1 . 0 Low Risk1 . 0 - 3 . 0 Average Risk3 . 1 - 10 . 0 High Risk > 10 . 0 Persistent elevations may represent non - cardiovascular inflammationYuck . My doctor wants to have all of this retested in November , andmeantime recommends continued weight loss , exercise , Posted by I thought it would be good to set out my current beliefs about diet , nutrition , the causes of obesity , and so on . They are what guide my ( perhaps wacky - seeming ) current dietary guidelines . I 'd also like to distinguish them from other beliefs with which they might be confused . Food Reward HypothesisI think the food reward hypothesis is the best - supported current idea about why so many of us are overweight and obese these days . The basic idea of this is that we now have the ability to make ( in many cases manufacture ) foods that are both hyper - palatable ( really delicious ) and high reward ( very tempting / craveable / " addictive " in a loose sense ) , and that eating such foods causes our bodies to try to keep us at a higher weight than is healthy . This shouldn 't be confused with the " thrifty gene hypothesis , " which is the common - sense idea that we evolved to live under the threat of starvation and are going nuts now that food is so plentiful . According to the food reward hypothesis , if our food were still the sort of plain , comparatively unvaried food eaten by our ancestors , abundance itself wouldn 't cause overeating . Stephan Guyenet has a great series on the food reward hypothesis here : Part I , Part II . He talks about the thrifty gene hypothesis as well . ( Note : I will be linking Guyenet a lot in this post . He is not my only source of information here , but he has informed a lot of my thinking , and seems to have done his homework . In many cases he 's the best concise link I can give . ) Conclusion : I should eat simple foods prepared at home . The Role of CarbsBooks like Good Calories , Bad Calories by Gary Taubes make convincing arguments that overconsumption of carbohydrates , particularly sugar and refined flour , are responsible for the obesity epidemic . Certainly , obesity travels together with insulin resistance ( a problem that is all about carbs , and is the fundamental cause of Type II diabetes ) , and insulin resistance is a big part of what causes heart disease in general . Guyenet , the same guy as above , has a long critical post abTam This morning I hit a new low weight . Overall I 've lost 22 pounds since early May , which is pretty awesome . And today is my 7th day of largely eschewing grains and legumes and of keeping my carbohydrate intake between 50 and 100 grams per day . So what am I eating ? Yesterday I had a fajita chicken salad ( w / cheese , sour cream , and guac ) for breakfast , eggs with turnip greens and cheese for lunch , and chicken tikka masala at a restaurant for dinner . I was trepidatious about eating chicken tikka masala without rice or naan . Frankly , it seems a little insane . But I managed it and it was still extremely delicious ( though I did crave the naan and rice that were on the table , so that was a little uncomfortable ) . Today I got up early , worked for three hours , and then made myself a breakfast of scrambled eggs mixed with tri - color peppers ( from frozen ) , a big chicken sausage link ( cut up ) , and cheese . I cooked this in ghee ( clarified butter ) and it was extremely delicious . It 's no longer the case that I don 't get hungry . I do get hungry . But the hunger is like the hunger of my childhood - it doesn 't really interfere with activities . You think " Where 's dinner ? " but then you can happily go run around some more in the meantime . It 's not urgent . ( More precisely , it feels urgent , but only intermittently . ) I really like this change . There has been one more change . Before I started losing weight in May , I was taking 150mg of ranitidine for heartburn twice a day - so , 300mg per day total . Eating smaller meals to reduce calories let me drop that to 1 pill per day , so in half . Then I bought some smaller ranitidine pills ( 75mg each ) and was taking two of those a day . Now I am taking at most one of those per day , and some days I don 't need any at all . I would love ( so much ) to stop using heartburn medication , and it seems within reach . Yesterday I didn 't take any , not even a single Tums , which is amazing considering all of the spicy , fatty things I ate , which are usually exactly the things to cause heartburn . Other than the changes to huTam Last week 's no - wheat experiment went pretty well . It wasn 't too hard not to eat wheat ( I ended up eating a fair bit of corn tortillas and tortilla chips ) and it seemed to cut my hunger a bit . I lost a pound a day for about 4 days in a row and then gained one or two back after that , so that was kind of exciting . This week I 've been reading The Primal Blueprint , and I 'm experimenting with completely not eating grains or legumes and keeping my carbohydrate amount between 50 and 100 grams a day , which is the level at which the author of that book claims effortless weight loss will occur . I 'm still eating dark chocolate , having coffee if I want to , and I 'm not avoiding things like soybean oil , largely because it 's much easier for me to have salad at the school cafeteria if I can have ranch dressing rather than the nutritionally superior olive oil and vinegar type of thing . So I 'm still basically eating sugar ( which is a grain ) and some legumes . Other than that , I haven 't ( to my knowledge ) had anything - no wheat , no rice , no oats , no beans , etc . It 's a sort of radical thing to do , obviously . But it wasn 't a huge transition since I 'd already been eating no wheat and keeping my carbs low for a week . I haven 't noticed any untoward effects this week , while last week I did have some serious crankiness and headaches . What I have noticed is that I have absolutely no perceptible blood sugar changes . I sort of still get hungry - at least , there is a kind of feeling that grows over time that tells me I should eat something . It 's kind of a gaunt or empty feeling . But it no longer seems to carry with it much urgency . ( For instance , I had no breakfast today , a small lunch at 10 : 15 , and I was fine not having dinner until 6 : 30 . ) And I never have blood sugar crashes , which I frequently did before . That 's kind of a big deal . My weight has been dropping pretty seriously - like about 2 . 5 pounds since Monday . I 'm not recording these new weights yet , since they may settle back down . I 'm still tracking everything I eat , and I 'm pretty easily crTam Starting yesterday between breakfast and lunch , I am experimenting with not eating wheat for the next week . I 'm also trying to go ( moderately ) low carb in general , but I 'm much more dedicated to the no - wheat aspect than to the low - carb one . I read the book " Wheat Belly " by William Davis . Davis argues that grains in general are not great for us , and that wheat is the worst . He thinks that genetic changes to wheat over the past 50 years ( through modern but not genetic - engineering - based methods ) have made it particularly dangerous to humans and responsible for a host of different medical problems . Celiac disease is an obvious thing that is indeed ( indisputably as far as I know ) due to wheat ; the rest is more speculative , I think . He has a lot of references in the book , which is good , but the way he argues leaves holes you could drive a truck through . It 's not the worst pseudoscientific bullshit I 've ever read - even the term " pseudoscientific bullshit " might be an exaggeration - but it 's not fully convincing either . Still , it 's hard for me to resist the pull of sense - making conspiracy theories about food . I do think that the overconsumptions of carbs , especially from grains , is a big part of the obesity problem for some people ( including me ) , and not just because it 's easy to eat a lot of carbs . I think they actually encourage overeating beyond just being tasty , readily available , and cheap , by changing your body chemistry such that you have more blood sugar fluctuations ( which cause eating ) and possibly by encouraging your body to store fat ( through insulin - related stuff ) . With my family history of diabetes and my PCOS , it seems pretty clear that I will ( do ) struggle with insulin resistance . My odds of avoiding diabetes feel pretty low at times ( assuming I 'm not already diabetic , which I haven 't been so far when tested , but which of course could happen anytime ) . I think that if I can eat less carbs over my lifetime , I 'll be doing myself a huge favor . Aside from non - starchy vegetables and a moderate intake of fruit , I dTam I 've had a few strange ones lately . Dream 1Apparently in this dream , Sammy ( my cat ) was my romantic partner . In the manner of all dreams , this was not strange . He was standing on an ironing board talking to me about how dissatisfied he was recently , and how sad , because I was not spending enough time with him , or giving him enough attention . I felt very sad too . I was petting him while he spoke , though it occurred to me that this was disrespectful because I knew he didn 't want to be petted - he was unhappy with me . But of course I always pet him when he is nearby because I like to . Then I ( very insensitively ) asked him how he 'd feel about us getting a new kitten , because I thought that would be fun . I knew it was insensitive when I asked it . It also felt a bit novel to me - just asking the current cat whether to get a new kitten or not . I wondered why I hadn 't thought to ask in the past . Dream 2This dream took place in an enormous old house that apparently all of the grad students in my program used for parties . Our director of grad students was there . Sally was also visiting . There were a ton of rooms , all with different things going on . The decor sort of looked like the Old Spaghetti Factory , if you 've ever been to one of those ( or in other words like an old or possibly haunted house ) . For a long time I was trying to track Sally down , but couldn 't because she was planning some sort of big surprise or show or experience for the rest of us . In the meantime , I talked to the DGS . He was funny as always . I asked him whether this house had always been owned by the department , or was loaned to us by some kind of alumn , or how it had come to be used for parties this way ? ( In the dream , I don 't think anyone lived in the house full time . ) He told me that , no , actually , it belonged to [ something like ] an aunt or uncle of Lee Ann ( who has only been in our program a short time ) . I was telling him how I could now understand the appeal of being in a fraternity or sorority , just so you 'd have that big house for parties . Here you are , it 's midnight on a Saturday night . You feel tired , you could definitely go to sleep , but you also feel able to continue working . You have two big assignments due on Tuesday and have put a few hours into one of them already today , and you 're primed to continue . But if you stay up late doing this , you 'll sleep late tomorrow , and then getting up Monday will be even harder than usual . Go to bed or keep working ? For me , the answer usually has to be " keep working . " This is because I really cannot ( or , at any rate , do not , ever ) get up in the morning and get right to work . So if I go to bed , I may never recover the momentum that I feel right now , or at best I may recover it hours after getting up on Sunday . For the most part , I get stronger and find it easier to work more and more as the day goes on , at least when I 'm vaguely able to structure my time that way . I made the choice to continue working and I got some really excellent work done despite also feeling tired . Now it 's 3 : 15 and I 'm really quite tired and ready for bed , but I have big tasks completed . I also happened to stop at a " downhill " point , which is good . ( By " downhill " I mean a point from which it is easy to continue . It 's like riding on hills with your bike - if you need to stop , it 's better to stop on a downward slant so that you can easily start up again . ) Basically when I feel " tempted " to work I have to make use of that temptation unless there are truly compelling reasons not to . As long as I get overall something like enough sleep , getting my work done is more important than sleeping at any particular time . Posted by Back when I was thinking about going to grad school , I had one hope that I was almost afraid to confess . I hoped , despite how hard grad school was reputed to be , and how many hours it was said that I would have to work ( i . e . , way more than 40 per week ) , that it would take me away from the horrible feeling associated with having a regular job . I don 't know exactly how to describe the feeling , and I feel like a spoiled brat or a wimp for even having it , but I 'm basically talking about that kind of bored feeling of waiting for the day to be over , killing time , trying to think of a good reason to leave work early , etc . I mean the basic feeling of just not wanting to be at work . It turns out to be true that grad school , for me , totally does not have this feeling . I had it over the summer when I worked in the math lab ( a worse job than any I 've had in many years , though still not bad in the overall scheme of possible jobs ) , but I don 't have it during the regular semesters at all . It 's interesting . I spend more hours at school now than I ever have at a job , and ( more or less completely independently ) more hours working than when I had a job . But I simply do not have that feeling of being required to be in a place for 8 - 9 hours every day . Aside from my office hours ( 4 per week ) , I am always either doing a specific thing ( teaching or attending class or a seminar ) or I am free to go if I want to . Everything now is about accomplishing specific tasks on time rather than spending a particular amount of time appearing to work . That dreadful feeling of being trapped at work was a really large feature of my previous life , and it 's pretty fantastic for me that I don 't have it anymore . It 's like , as I wrote once before , my work life and life life have all become the same thing . Some people hate that aspect of grad school but I think , for the most part , I really like it . I spent the entire summer studying for my qualifying exam in real analysis . I wrote over 300 pages of notes , by hand , working through proofs and ideas , some over and over again . I worked about 2 - 4 hours pretty much every single weekday , and many weekend days , for all but about 2 weeks of the summer . ( I also tutored students in the math lab . ) Even though that may not seem like a huge amount of time to spend ( because it wasn 't ) , it was huge for me . I 've historically been terrible at making myself work to a far - off deadline , and this work was both hard and sort of ambiguous . How much would be enough ? Was it even possible for me to pass ( like , ever ) ? Had others passed these exams in the past only because they were smarter than I am , or had better memories ? I struggled with these thoughts a lot , but I kept working . The qual was an 8 - hour exam . It took me 6 hours and 40 minutes , which is somewhere in the typical range . And I passed . I passed it . Amazing . Now that I 've passed it , the material doesn 't actually seem like it was that big of a deal . Now that I know the proofs , they don 't seem to have all that much to them . Ha . I also , of course , made it through my first year of classes last year . I struggled with the material a lot at times , but I did well in terms of grades . I didn 't seriously screw anything up . I was never one of the worst students . Occasionally I was mildly praised . Last year , when I started grad school , I was extremely enthusiastic , and then when it got hard , I was really scared a lot . Especially that first semester I had really dramatic mood swings . I sometimes fantasized about leaving , going back to my old job , resuming a better life with more money and things and free time and less failure and stress . This year , honestly , I wasn 't that enthusiastic at the start of school . When I went to the mandatory all - TA / TF meeting , I remembered how exciting it had been the previous year , but I was pretty meh about it . I was mildly interested in meeting the new first - years , but that was about it . I was still recovering from the qual . But . . . I 'm not scared anymore , either . I still don 't know if I can actually do research , but I now know I can pass classes and quals . ( I need to pass one more qual , and I have four tries . ) I now know I am not borderline for the program , barely clinging to life . Last year , I remember the first homework that I got with a problem I couldn 't easily figure out . It really freaked me out . I 'm pretty sure I cried . I calculated what percentage of my grade this one problem would be and thought about the fact that I was already losing that much so early in the term . I wondered whether I belonged here . I did eventually solve the problem , but man , the stress . Last week , my topology homework had a problem I couldn 't figure out . I worked on it on a few different days , but never with any real feeling of stress . I figured out all of the other problems . This one remaining one wasn 't a big deal . Turning it in unfinished would not harm my grade or standing or anything like that . I wanted to get it but there was no fear there . It certainly did not drive me to tears . He would talk to the class in this sort of angry way all the time . He barely graded our homework . One time he gave us a quiz and then , when he returned it , and someone asked him how to do one of the problems , he couldn 't do it on the board . One time he mistakenly declared that " Fish only bite when the moon is full " would translate to " The moon is full implies that the fish are biting " instead of the converse . I did hear from someone else that their proofs class had covered way fewer chapters than ours . So we covered a lot of material , and at the end had to write a paper ( ugh ! ) . I wrote about taxicab geometry , which was very interesting for me when I did it . ( The taxicab metric has appeared in so many courses since then it 's not even funny - including this year in topology . ) Over the years , my hatred of Dr . J faded . I 'd see him in the halls or elevator and he was always friendly to me . I guess he remembered me , probably as a good student . He was happy that I was going to grad school . For all I know he was a nice guy after all . And in the meantime , time after time , these weird " obscure " ( to me at that time ) topics that we covered in that class came up . When I took my second non - Euclidean geometry course in undergrad , the abstract algebra we 'd done in Proofs was really useful . Having covered ( very well ) the definitions of sets , relations , functions , etc . , made them so much easier to understand in future classes . Cardinal numbers didn 't show up again until my second semester of grad school , so it 's great that I learned about them in there . The Peano axioms showed up in the first semester of grad school and nowhere inbetween . Man , that class was awesome . It was easily one of the most useful classes I ever took . From an outcomes perspective , Dr . J was brilliant . I bet he was one of the best Proofs professors at my school . I bet he still is . All of this is to say that my feelings about a professor can have very little relationship to how much I am learning or how useful the course is . This is not the only example of me hating someone and then thinking later that they were pretty great , or that I learned a ton . What it tells me is that I should put a lot less stock in my own feelings in situations like this . I took my real analysis qual yesterday , which I hope to write more about later . This morning I wrote Sally another long email about it . Reading it over after I sent it , the language itself seemed obsessive . Perhaps this tag cloud will give you some sense . In mathematics , a statement and its contrapositive are equivalent . So , for example , If I bake bread , then the house smells nice . is equivalent to If the house doesn 't smell nice , then I didn 't bake bread . The contrapositive of the saying from the title of this post is , " That which doesn 't make you stronger kills you . " When this first occurred to me , I saw it as a funny way to disprove that that which doesn 't kill you makes you stronger . But there is a way in which it 's actually true , and almost more motivational than the original . Think about it . What doesn 't make you stronger ? TV ? Donuts ? It could be argued that those things do kill you . If you radically limited your intake and activities to things that at least arguably make you stronger ( taking a broad view of " stronger " ) , you 'd probably be pretty bad - ass . Disclaimer / spoiler alert : The following insights are brought to you by the miracle of introspection , and should not be confused with factual statements about the human brain . Sitting down to do work for a few hours at a time is very hard for me . Hell , sometimes even sitting for half an hour to do math ( which I like better than most kinds of work ) is hard for me . I sometimes think that I have ADD , though I can certainly read a novel for hours . It feels like there is a part of my brain that is fundamentally discontent to sit and work . It feels like a relatively animal part of my brain - not a conscious , smart part . And it is somewhat easily tricked . I usually listen to music while I work . I can work to a variety of music , but I find that dance music ( the kind you 'd hear in a club - any kind of dance club ) is one of the most effective kinds . It seems to trick my brain into thinking I am having fun and moving around rather than sitting and working . It 's like a part of my mind is actually moving and doing something with a rhythm , and gets soothed / tricked into letting me get some work done . Today , Pandora on my phone was acting up and sounding shitty as it sometimes does , so I switched to Simply Noise , which I haven 't tried to work to before . I have an app for it on my phone . Of the different noises , I like the brown noise the best , and I like to make it oscillate . It sounds like ocean waves to me . Very soothing . After listening to this for a while and working , I realized it was extremely soothing indeed . It feels very much like it makes that part of my brain think I am actually asleep . That part doesn 't seem to mind sleeping - in fact , it 's pretty much content to let me sleep forever . It was really an amazing feeling . I think I may try this more often in the future . Memory is a funny thing . I 've spent vast hours this summer ( enough time to have produced 174 handwritten pages of work and notes ) studying for my real analysis qualifying exam , which I 'll take three weeks from tomorrow . I have to take and pass two of these exams to be a PhD candidate . Of all of the exams available ( real analysis , complex analysis , algebra , topology , and prob / stats ) , the word on the street is that the real analysis is the easiest ( ha ! ) and the most memorization - heavy . Many of the other exams rely more on fundamental concepts that you have to cleverly apply to solve the problems ( or so I 'm led to believe ) . I have a stack of the old exams going back to the 1980 's . There are a lot of repeat questions , so I 've been studying from the list I put together , which has the most often repeated questions of about the past ten years on top , followed by others that have appeared . These are hard questions . Many of the proofs take me 2 to 3 pages to write out , and I 'll have to do 8 of them in 8 hours . Studying for the exam has been difficult but also one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life . I mean that very sincerely . It 's been amazing . One of the amazing aspects , and this always amazes me , is that you can actually learn and remember things . I 'm sure if you 've taken classes this has happened to you - you had to apparently memorize some amount of material , and it seemed impossible . For instance , if you take calculus , you have to know all of these different derivatives ( polynomials , trig functions , natural log , inverse trig functions , etc . ) plus things like trig identities , if you didn 't already memorize them in a previous class . It seems ( to many people , at least ) crazy , like a totally unrealistic expectation . And yet I myself know large chunks of those things , and it doesn 't even feel like something I have memorized so much as something that I just know . So I know that it 's completely possible to learn that information and internalize it usefully . The amount of stuff I have to memorize for this qual seems oPosted by So , 10 or 20 billion years ago , mass , energy , time , and everything we know about emerged in the Big Bang . What was before or outside of that ? The question is meaningless because time was part of what was created , and so was space - there is no " before " or " outside " as far as we are concerned . Stuff expanded , and after a while , through processes that are not too mysterious , our sun and planet came onto the scene . At some point ( s ) , matter on our planet , which of course was busy colliding and interacting and doing all of the things matter does when you shine the sun at it , happened to fall into a shape that was self - replicating . Naturally , once you start self - replicating , it 's hard to stop , and stuff that is better at self - replicating will manage to incorporate more matter into itself than stuff that is less good at it . Over time , these self - replicating bits got better and better at it through the addition of defensive barriers , the incorporation of other , smaller self - replicating bits , and so on , and after a very long while indeed , many of them were conglomerating together to build absolutely enormous machines to carry them around and help them replicate . ( No , no , I don 't mean hippie vans . That came later still . ) Some of those replicating machines are us , humans . And because I am one of the humans I can testify that , somewhere along the line , some of the matter started to have subjective experiences . Now , if you think about it , that is just fucking weird . It 's hard to even think how to describe subjective experience . If some cosmic overlord machine came along and demanded to know what the hell you were talking about , you 'd have trouble being convincing . You start with , " You know how you , like , feel stuff inside ? Like you can really tell you 're there and stuff ? Yeah , me too . " If the machine didn 't have that experience it wouldn 't get it . So , here I am , a gene vehicle , on this little piece of space dust . In 100 years , I 'll be at best an old photo in someone 's family photo album . In 1000 years , nobody will remember a damnPosted by There is a movie theater here in town where they have a " retro movie " ( projected from a blu - ray or dvd ) every Saturday night at midnight . It 's a tradition that a bunch of us go see this movie every week for $ 5 . ( Nobody goes every single week , I guess , but we all go as we see fit . ) Last night 's offering was " Stand By Me . " I thought I had never seen it before , though I remember when it came out , which I think was middle school for me . I remember the song being really big on the radio around then , I think . There was also a scene in the movie that was completely familiar - the one with the leeches . Maybe I saw part of the movie on TV one time or something . I was very surprised to see a pre - pubescent Wil Wheaton as the main character . He was pretty good . There was also this blond boy in the movie , who was the best friend . Even though he was pretty rough - looking in the movie , he was so beautiful that I couldn 't keep my eyes off him whenever he was on screen . I was really eager to see the credits to find out his name , whether he acted when he grew up , whether he was as attractive as an adult , etc . Then the credits : River Phoenix . Wow . See , when I was but a young lass , a freshman in high school , so about 14 years old , my best friend Susan had a poster of River Phoenix on one wall of her bedroom , and one of Johnny Depp on the other . I remember sleeping over at her house , lying on sleeping bags on the floor , and talking about fine they were , and which one we liked better . We both liked River Phoenix better . He was pretty much the finest guy I could imagine . ( Ultimately , I said she could have River Phoenix and I would take Johnny Depp , since they were her posters , after all . ) Sally and I were talking lately about the fact that I don 't really have an anti - type ( vs . Sally , who for instance doesn 't like men who look have that Jesus look with long hair and sandals ) , and Drew has been wondering what my type is , which I agree is hard to pin down . But I 'll tell you that when I was in high school , River Phoenix was my type . ( When Cary ElwPosted by I 've been doing Weight Watchers lately . I haven 't told most ( hardly any , actually ) of my local friends about this , because I always feel private about trying to lose weight . It 's also ridiculously boring for other people to hear about , I think , and sort of tedious and typical . I told one local friend other than Ed - the one I 'm closest to . I told her I wasn 't going to tell anyone else , not because it was a secret ( I didn 't want her to feel obligated to keep it as a secret , because that 's always a burden and this isn 't very important ) , but just because I didn 't want to talk about it with anyone else . But it 's good to have a couple of friends for support . Anyway , where was I ? Oh , yeah . Websites . Weight Watchers is pretty cool these days . I just do it online . They still have a program based on " points " which are calculated for a food based on its protein , fiber , carb , and fat content . In reality , it works out to about 1 point per 40 calories , though WW doesn 't want you to think that way . Non - starchy vegetables cost no points and , even more astonishingly , neither do any fruits ( except avocados ) . You get a daily points allowance , and then you also get this weekly pool of points that you can use for extras . You can have a few of these every day or you can have them all at once if you want to . I really like the program . They reduced the points totals to allow for what they think will be typical fruit / veg consumption , and the free fruits really encourage you to snack on fruit , vs . forcing you to choose between a banana and a 100 - calorie snack pack of mini - oreos , where most people will choose the oreos , which is clearly not the way to go for overall health and well - being ( or , most likely , satiety ) . And I like the pool of weekly points - it really helps me manage social occasions and things like that . Recently , the site myfitnesspal was recommended to me . It is a dieting site based purely on calorie - counting ( or you can track whatever nutrients you want ) . Unlike Weight Watchers , it 's free ( ad - supported ) . For about the past week Posted by One of the hardest things I 've had to do recently was study for my real analysis final exam . It was hard because I had a lot of things going on that week , and I was tired , and I did not want to do it , and it felt futile because I knew I could not master the material in the time available , even in a best - case scenario . That last thing made it especially hard . Yet somehow I did study , at least enough that I got an A in the class . I wrote a while back about negative motivation . It used to be that threatening myself ( " if you don 't study you 're going to fail this class " ) was the only type of self - motivation I knew how to deliver , and of course that type of motivation is not really very helpful . Eventually you become immune to your own threats , and the truth is that even many important things don 't come with immediate terrifying consequences ( e . g . , it is not true that if I eat this particular donut I will die of diabetes at a young age ) . Ever since realizing that I always resorted to negative motivation , I 've been trying to cease making threats to myself . Instead , I 've been trying to remind myself of positive reasons to do what I should do ( " I 'll feel good when I get this homework done " ) . And that has been moderately successful . But neither type of motivation was enough to get me to study for my analysis final . Instead , what I did was pretty continually push myself simultaneously with various different motivations , of all types . Among them ( and yes , I talk to myself in the second person ) If you study enough that you can get 3 / 4 or more of the exam done , you 'll feel pretty good about it afterwards ( as has happened on the other analysis exams you 've successfully studied for ) . It 's going to really suck to sit in the exam and not be able to write much for many of the questions . You 'll feel really stressed and doomed in that situation . If you get through this semester with good grades , you 're going to feel really great about your chances in the program . You have some good friends here - you don 't want to let them down by failing clTam In my last post , I mentioned using index cards to write down the past qualifying exam questions . And I did indeed write about 50 of them before saying , you know what , screw this . I 'm now putting them into Access . You can 't easily represent formulas in Access , so what I 've done is set it up so that I put in TeX code for the problem statements , and then I wrote some code in Access so that it will spit out a TeX file with my problems ( in a variety of orders ) . I feel pretty awesome about that , and I 've now entered about as many problems as I had written on index cards . The process is much faster and the results are way better . Go me ! This week I had three final exams and a project due , but everything was done by Tuesday afternoon . Wednesday , I flew somewhere to do a little bit of work for my old company , for a client I hadn 't met before but who turned out to be someone who immediately strikes one as crazy and / or full of shit . I now have more work to do for this guy . I sort of wish I hadn 't gotten involved at all , but I guess making some extra money is a good idea . This summer I am also lined up to make about $ 3000 doing ( paid by the hour ) math lab and grading work . I think that comes out to about 140 hours ( based on my guess of what the hourly rate is ) . I hope that instead of interfering with my summer plans , this work will help keep more organized and moving along . ( Have you noticed that it is easy for a day with no fixed plans to glide competely by with nothing to show for itself ? ) My main goal this summer is to pass my real analysis qualifying exam in August . It 's an 8 hour long , written exam . I think there are typically 12 questions , of which you choose 8 to complete . They are typically rather meaty questions , though not usually very novel . ( An example might be , " State and prove [ famous theorem ] . " ) My understanding is that you need to get 6 completely right in order to pass . I 'm worried about whether I can pass this exam , even under ideal conditions and having studied a somewhat large amount , but I need to , as they say , give it the old college try . I have a stack of the old exams ( going back so far that the earliest ones are handwritten ) . The first thing I intend to do is write questions on index cards . I want to determine what types of questions are asked , which questions are asked most often , and so on . If I can at least have answers to the most commonly asked questions down cold , it should help , and of course there is a lot of overlap of material and technique between different ones , so it 's helpful in general . In undergrad , I had a professor who would always point out , when we were starting a project , that you always wish , at the end , thaPosted by A few months ago , I read Gary Taubes 's Why We Get Fat : And What to Do About It . I 've been wanting to comment about it ever since . I found parts of the book very convincing and others less so . Taubes is a low - carb ( practically no - carb ) advocate , which is always suspect . The book presents a pretty strong argument against the view that people are getting fat because they eat too much and exercise too little . I was amazed and convinced by the way that Taubes argues agains the " calories in , calories out " way of thinking about weight change . It 's not that he disagrees that you gain weight by taking in more calories than you expend ; it 's just not a useful way of looking at it , because it doesn 't answer the question of why that is happening . By way of analogy , if you were in some particular room in a museum and after a while you noticed that the room was becoming very crowded , you might ask your companion , " Why is this room getting so crowded all of a sudden ? " It would be true but not at all helpful for your companion to answer , " More people are coming in than are leaving . " That 's how Taubes views the calorie situation . He points out that , for instance , children gain quite a bit of weight as they mature , yet this is not because they take in more calories than they expend . Obviously they do , but the causality goes the other way - they take in more calories than they expend because they are driven to grow . Similarly , adolescent girls develop fat deposits on their chests and hips , and this is not because they are eating more than they need ; they eat more because biology pushes them to in order for them to develop secondary sexual characteristics . He also points out that something like a 35 - calorie - a - day difference ( a bite of a brownie , basically ) adds up over a 30 - lb weight gain ( or loss ) in 10 years . Given that math , how is it possible that so many people do maintain a consistent weight ? Obviously there are processes in our bodies that balance our food intake and energy expenditure . Experiments with rats show that at least some Posted by I 've been thinking lately about the downsides of moving to a new place ( whether it 's a new state or a new country or whatever ) . Everyone is aware of the struggles around not knowing the conventions or how to accomplish things in the new place ( which can range from how to get a license plate in Nebraska to the need to give bribes to bureaucratic functionaries in some countries or whatever ) , but I think there 's another negative thing that isn 't as obvious : the loss of features . Every place has certain features that are positive . Texas has , for instance , Blue Bell ice cream , which is pretty great for a non - premium brand , and Tex - Mex , and South by Southwest . New Orleans has Mardi Gras . Colorado has skiing . But often the best " special " features of a place are not very accessible . Sometimes a new resident wouldn 't know that the feature exists ( like you might not notice Blue Bell ice cream and think to try it ) . Sometimes the feature is an acquired taste ( as Tex - Mex might be ) . And sometimes the feature is something that can be enjoyed much more thoroughly ( or at all ) if you grew up with it , like Mardi Gras . ( As a kid , we were thrilled to get beads and doubly - thrilled by doubloons . Mardi Gras was a whole season with parades all the time , not just one day in the city but on weekends in the suburbs as well . I knew a kid who moved to New Orleans and thought the whole thing was stupid - little cheap aluminum coins ? Who needs it ? ) So when you move , basically you lose all of the special features of your old place , yet can 't fully appreciate the special features of the new place . The grocery store is kind of a microcosm of this experience , and it 's kind of what brought it to my attention when I moved back to Texas . If you 're just moving within the U . S . , then your old store will have had major national brands of everything , plus better local brands of some things . The new place won 't have the old better local brands , and its own local brands won 't look familiar or inviting , so you 'll only have the least common denominator of big natiPosted by There is an older grad student in my department who I am pretty well convinced by now is a jerk . I 've heard of various jerky behaviors , but the most egregious ( to me ) is that he 's made a friend of mine , who is a fairly gentle person , upset on several occasions , always by criticizing and / or yelling at her about ways that he thinks she has slighted him or not treated him with proper consideration . None of his complaints have seemed valid to me in the slightest . ( For instance , on one occasion my friend canceled a weekly get - together with him because she had out - of - town guests . ) I 've expressed my opinion that he is just a jackass , and she basically agrees . " But , " she told me , " I really don 't think he knows that he is being a jerk . " The idea of this as an excuse sort of fills me with rage . Most people , after all , have no problem justifying their behaviors to themselves . Most people do not set out deliberately to cross boundaries or be jackasses . So it is practically the definition of being a jerk to not know , or not be aware , when you are doing something wrong / mean / rude / whatever . One of the jobs of a human being is to actively prevent oneself from being a jerk , which often involves being aware of other people 's feelings and perspectives , actively curbing one 's natural self - centeredness and inclinations , and so on . I mean , you know , I 'm glad he isn 't intentionally evil . But that 's not really saying much . I normally don 't enjoy potlucks very much . I 'd rather eat out than eat a bunch of random food prepared by other people , and I 'd rather pay for a restaurant meal than have to make something ( which often ends up costing me as much as a restaurant meal anyway ) . I also hate the hassle of how it 's impossible for everything to be served warm / cold / whatever . I am just a grump about them . However , I was invited to a Passover seder last Sunday . The host made a fine brisket as well as matzo ball soup , and we were asked to bring a side item , dessert , or drink , etc . , made without leavened flour and without pork or shellfish or both meat and cheese , etc . So it was kind of a semi - potluck , but a great opportunity to participate in a seder , so that was all right . I decided to roast some brussels sprouts . I 'd never tried this before , but it seemed like it ought to work , and the Internet seemed to agree . At the store , there were boxes of fresh sprouts that were not as fresh as I would have liked , and then there were these enormous stems of sprouts which were much fresher ( presumably because the stem sustains them ) . This thing was amazing - huge and bulky , like a big club made of brussels sprouts . And it had way plenty of sprouts on it for roasting . Cutting them off wasn 't much extra work since you normally have to trim the flat end anyway . It was $ 4 . 49 . So I cut the sprouts off , tossed them in olive oil and salt , and roasted them at 400 degrees for about 40 minutes ( whole ) . Cutting them in half would probably have been more delicious , but I was actually running out of time . I don 't have two ovens and I wanted a warm dish to transport these in ( I was afraid a cold vessel would coldify them right away ) , so when they were getting done , I poured boiling water into a lidded casserole dish . When the sprouts were done , I poured the water out , dried the dish thoroughly , and put the sprouts in . I carried the casserole dish to the seder wrapped in a towel , and I got the hosts to put their oven on warm as I drove over , so I could pop it right in thPosted by It now appears that there is a non - zero probability that I will finish the semester . For the first time , I can actually see the end from here . We have two more weeks of classes , and then finals , but I had a big exam today and really couldn 't see past it until it was over . In some ways , the class I had the exam in was my most important one ( real analysis , which I 'm taking a qual in this summer ) , and of my four classes , it has gone the worst . There is a lot of material I really struggle to understand , and what I do understand , I have trouble holding on to from moment to moment . Studying for the exam did greatly increase my knowledge , but there were topics I couldn 't study because I just couldn 't face them . And yet . . . the qual . I 'm feeling better now , but the past couple of days I have felt pretty down on school . As happened during the stressful part of last semester , I found myself fantasizing a lot about quitting and going back to my old job ( I think they would hire me back , but I could probably get a similar job in any case ) and having an easier life with more money and not as much math . I think that terrible negativity might be passing now , which would be nice . Most of the time , I prefer my life here to my old life by a moderately large margin . I actually probably did all right on the exam . Last semester , I got a 55 % on the midterm and ended up ( somehow ) with an A in the class . I estimate that I got about a 70 % on this one . If I do a good job on the final , I should be able to at least pass with a B , I think . ( If I fail the class , all hope is not lost , but passing would be better , of course . ) I posted a while back about my doom - laden decision to take four courses this semester . I 'm happy to report that that decision , at least , was not in fact a mistake . Reports of my impending doom turned out to have been exaggerated . The logic class has been very interesting and our professor dramatically decreased the workload relative to the first half , and the topology class has been as vital as I 'd thought it might be , and I 'm rePosted by It seems to be the case that after a serious relationship ends , I discover that certain aspects of it are things I do not want in any future relationships . Some of these are senseless allergies ( omg no more Alex Chilton fans ! ! ! * ) but others , I think , are legitimate discoveries . It 's hard to know how living with someone who does x or y or believes z will turn out . Sometimes I was blind to signs that I can now recognize , and others times , it just requires playing the experience out all the way to find out how it goes . One thing I learned from my relationship with Ed that I don 't want anymore is a little bit subtle , but important . One of the very noticeable features of Ed early on was that he was very emotionally literate ( which I really appreciated , and continue to think is cool ) and wanted to understand in minute detail what I was thinking and feeling about various aspects of the relationship . He didn 't feel safe if he didn 't understand my exact feelings . This went both ways . If Ed found a feeling in himself that he thought might be a deal - breaker or bad news for me , he always told me about it . He was very open with me ( which is a good thing , in general ) and scrupulously honest , to the best of his ability . All of this is why " radical honesty " was a tenet of our relationship . I 'm not against radical honesty . I think as an experiment it 's fun . In fact , as long as you remember that it 's called " radical " for a reason , it 's all good . But I don 't want to be in another relationship with someone for whom that is of prime importance . I want my future partners to trust me to manage my own thoughts and feelings . I want them to trust that I 'll tell them what 's important , but be content with my being somewhat of a black box . I want to be with someone who doesn 't worry about it that much , and / or who just figures me out as we go along . And I want to be with someone who manages his or her own inner thoughts and emotions as well , sharing as appropriate or desired but sometimes holding things back that are counterproductive to share . ( * Posted by A few blocks down from my apartment is a big complex that is mostly inhabited by students at my school . Out front is a sign that caught my eye a few weeks ago because of its nonsensical slogan : Live like you " Mean " it ! It 's a weird slogan to begin with ( don 't I really mean it ? how am I living now ? what does it mean to mean living , anyway ? ) , and not improved by the scare quotes . Then I started looking at the picture more closely : Now , here we have these four . . . college students , I guess . But this picture is so weird . Notice the following : At least three , possibly all four , are wearing oversized sunglasses . Both of the boys are carrying helmets . Three of them are wearing large headphones of the kind people use almost exclusively at home . All humans come in couples . The way a couple walks is that the boy puts his arm around the girl and then she reaches up near where her neck and his arm meet . The boy on the left is wearing a sleeveless hoodie and a very slender bracelet . The boy on the right appears to also be wearing at least one , and possibly two , bracelets . 75 % of the people pictured are wearing hats . ( Note that both boys are wearing hats in addition to carrying helmets . ) At least one girl has rollerblades ; both boys seem to have skateboards attached to their backs . The girl on the right is disturbingly narrow from the waist down , and has the hips of an 11 - year - old boy . Who are these people ? Why are they all dressed / accessorized so similarly ? Are they living like they " mean " it ? I am a relatively big fan of Wikipedia . It tends to be my go - to source for things I want to know that are of a general nature - for instance , when I finished Bleak House the other day , I read / skimmed the Wikipedia articles on Charles Dickens , Bleak House , and the Chancery court that is such a big feature of that book . But for professors in many disciplines , Wikipedia is a kind of sore spot , because students will often try to cite it . Not only is it generally inappropriate to cite an encyclopedia in a college class , Wikipedia is extra - suspect since anyone can edit it , and so it may or may not be rife with errors . ( Everything in life is full of errors , really , but at least published encyclopedias have editors . ) But in math , people seem to like Wikipedia a lot . Several of my professors have referred to looking up things in Wikipedia themselves before presenting them in class , or to using it in general . In fact , a few weeks ago , we had a visitor from the NSA who came to talk about careers there . It came up that of course ( for security reasons ) they don 't have Internet access at their workstations there . I asked the woman how they did math without Wikipedia , and she immediately replied , " Oh , we have our own copy of Wikipedia . " She didn 't seem to find the question bizarre ( like if I 'd asked , " Oh , how do you do math without Facebook ? " ) I think there are some legitimate reasons why Wikipedia is different for math than for other subjects . First of all , I imagine that when , say , history professors read Wikipedia , they find errors that irritate them . ( This is probably true of many encyclopedias as well , but I doubt it comes up much that professors read encyclopedias . ) You can make a lot of factual errors in history , or you can simply write an article that is unbalanced - that goes into a lot of detail on one small point and completely fails to include other major points . This is especially likely if the topic is controversial . In math , on the other hand , there are not so many facts . When you look up a math topic in Wikipedia , youPosted by My Spring Break is next week - yippee ! I don 't have any particular plans , and so there 's a danger the week will go by in a kind of haze of boredom and too many " Without a Trace " reruns and vague intentions of doing some kind of academic work . I don 't know all of what I 'll have due when I get back . Guesses : Logic : We 're getting 6 homeworks total and have finished 3 . I 'm guessing no homework over the break . Analysis : We usually have an assignment every week , so I think this one will be no different . We should have a midterm at some point , so that could be the week after break instead . I am a bit behind on my notes / studying for this course anyway . Stats : I imagine we 'll have a normal homework assignment like every week . Topology : I have an assignment due the Friday after break . So I 've written up a schedule ( complete with checkboxes next to every item ) for how I want to spend by Spring Break . It reads as follows : SaturdayGroceriesLaunder towelsClean master bathroomDishesSundayHave funMonday2 hours analysis2 hours topologyDishesTuesdayPodiatrist appointment2 hours analysis2 hours statisticsWednesday2 hours analysis1 hour statistics1 hour topologyDishesThursday2 hours analysis2 hours topologyFriday2 hours analysis1 hour statistics1 hour topologyDishesSaturdayFinish statistics assignment2 hours analysisGroceriesSundayHave funDishesI 'm hoping this schedule will overall maximize my fun and relaxation over the week , since I 'll know what I want to accomplish each day , and trying to get it done will allow me to really enjoy the rest of the time . By my calculations , after sleeping , eating , grooming , and everything on this list , I 'll have about 70 hours left over for pure fun and doing whatever the hell I want . ( Of course , " whatever I want " may well include additional academic work , and that 's fine . )
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Recent Comments Mother that isn 't on To Sidney , on his first b … Mother that isn 't on Some of the most ridiculous th … jenjen06 on To Sidney , on his first b … christine on To Sidney , on his first b … Randi on To Sidney , on his first b … Month : May 2016 Pleading with God I broke down sobbing hysterically in the car on the way back from therapy today . I don 't even really believe in God , at least not in the stereotypical way with a king sitting on a throne ruling over people , or even in an everything is part of a larger logical plan sort of way , but as I sobbed hysterically , I literally was begging God out loud to bring Sidney back , to make this all be a bad dream . I don 't know where this begging and pleading came from - maybe because there is literally no one else who could change anything , make this not be true . And of course , I don 't really think that God could change this either , or make it not be real . But it surprised me . Many things have surprised me about this experience , beyond the obvious of being in shock over Sidney 's death and still unable to accept or comprehend it . It has surprised me that I find physical comfort in going to the cemetery , and sitting next to Sidney . It has also surprised me my need to stare at his picture , and be close to it , that I can 't go to sleep without looking at him , that i don 't want to be away from the picture too long . I guess my need to be near to physical remains or reminders of Sidney is surprising , since in the abstract , I know that his body and his picture are not the same as a living baby , but I need them . They are nearly all that I have left of him . I have always had conflicting feelings about organized religion but in times of grief , it becomes especially clear to me the purpose that it serves . We are members of a temple through Eli 's preschool , but do not participate much , and did not personally know the rabbis . But one of them showed up at the hospital after Sidney died and sat with us and cried with us . And he helped us with the funeral , and visited us at the house . They also have been saying Sidney 's name during services , and people from the preschool have organized meals for us . As has become abundantly clear , there is no easy way to get through grief and move forward . But I think having community , friends and those who love you who can sit with you and be there for you is essential , and I think that is probably where religious communities often fill a role . When we drove back from Sidney 's funeral three weeks ago , I was saying that I wished I had faith in a higher being and plan , that it would be easier , and our nanny said something that seems insightful to me . She said that religion is not the only thing to have faith in , that you can also have faith that friends and family love you and will be there for you . I am terrified that I will be left alone in my suffering , especially as time goes on , but I have been trying to hold on to her words . I have been thinking how f - ed up society is lately , how we have all the wrong values , that everyone really just wants to have a sense of belonging and feel fulfilled , and that society is not set up in a way where people try to connect with each other , or are comfortable just sitting and being with someone who is openly experiencing emotions . Tears in general , and intense grief and heartbreak , in particular , scare people , and there are not many spaces where it is acceptable to express them . I worry about this when I try to think about re - entering the world . I have been very selectively seeing people , mostly just taking walks with a few people in the area , or visiting with a few friends from DC . And I still caBy sidneyandelismomin UncategorizedMay 31 , 2016845 WordsLeave a comment Heart ache The pain in my heart is worse , constant , aching . I have never really experienced heart ache before . It is hard . I try to breathe , focus on it , live in it . But then anxiety joins the pain , and I can 't breathe , can 't think , don 't know how I will do this . Future unknown . Overwhelming . Watching Eli suffer . Pretending . Smile . Are you still grieving , he asks ? yes , my love , i say . But you can be happy and sad at the same time . Trying to believe that . Still refusing to accept that Sidney is really gone , that this is my new reality . How can I do this ? I don 't want to do this . No choice . It 's not your fault , they say . But perhaps I could have prevented it . I failed in my one job to protect my baby . Failed in an unacceptable unchangeable no going back way . Intense longing . Buddhists say don 't be afraid of your emotions . I try to breathe , to concentrate on feeling the pain rather than fearing it . Unbearable , but it must be borne . The grief counselors say my grief is still so raw , so intense , so new , that I need to be patient , that I have experienced a trauma , a tragic shock , that the feelings and reactions I am having are normal . But I don 't want this to be normal . I don 't want to accept that this is who I am now . Who we are . Marked by tragedy . That this will stay with our family forever . Why is it that the heart hurts when someone dies ? What does the heart do and why are the feelings located there ? If grief and pain are physical , which they are , can 't they be alleviated ? What is the science behind all of this , and why does no one really understand it ? I guess I want answers , some way of getting on top of my grief . But I am learning that we can 't get on top of grief , but just have to live it , experience it one day at a time until we learn to live with it . My mind is split though , because on the one hand , I want to move beyond this minute by minute hell . But on the other , I want to suffer . How can things be bearable when Sidney is not here ? I don 't deserve for things to be bearable without my son . My mind fights with itself , wanting to offer me relief but not sure how , and then wanting me to be in a misery that is reflective of the death of one 's son . Just focus on my breathing . Breathe in . Breathe out . And repeat the words I told Eli until I start to believe them . Broken hearts heal . They always leave a scar but they do get better . With time and with love from friends and family they can heal . I have to believe that . Even as my mind fights both that Sidney is really gone , and that I should heal , that I should want to get better . I have to focus on Eli , and making my words true for him . The only way I can be at all functional , and we are talking minimal levels as it is , is if I focus on the moment . I can 't think of tomorrow without experiencing horrendous waves of anxiety and pain . This is a very different mindset than I am used to . I can 't plan , I can 't imagine , I can 't daydream . The thought of anything , not just the exams I need to grade today and tomorrow , but even something as basic as looking up something on the internet , overwhelms me . And thinking about our family and the future is even worse . so many unknowns , so many dreams torn away . This makes me worried about the type of mother I will be for Eli . I am trying to be present for him , moment to moment , but it is painful . I smile and laugh - and it seems false . I left the house this weekend , for something other than a therapy appointment or a walk , for the first time since Sidney 's death . On Saturday , we drove out to Cunningham Falls State Park , and did a short walk in the rain to a waterfall . For the first time in my life , I carved a name in the wood by the fall . It was not deep and I know it won 't stay , but I wrote Sidney 's name and birth / death date and listened to the water dropping in the creek below . Then on Sunday , we went to a birthday party for one of our neighbors . It was at Chuck E . Cheese . Loud , flashing lights , a lot of parents and babies . I didn 't cry . I felt numb . Too much noise , too much stimulation , but I didn 't leave or ask to leave because where would I go ? There is no where to escape to , no where where this is better or different . I have been crying a lot less . Numb ? What is the point in crying ? It won 't change anything . But my lack of crying also scares me . It 's just a horrendous gnawing in my gut and chest . The amount of time I have makes me angry , and is another knife in my chest . I should not have time to write blog posts , to read novels , to sleep . I should be nursing , and up around the clock , and busy . We thought about watching a movie last night , and I got upset . I don 't want to be able to do any of these things . I should be busy with an infant . Why am I not ? I want to scream and get angry but at whom ? If only I truly had faith in some higher order , that there was a bigger picture for things . But I don 't . Not just because of this , but in general , I have never really believed in God in that way . At that same time , a small part of me wonders if this happened because I didn 't appreciate what I had , and was always stressed out , and not making time for the right things , and that this happened to change my perspective on the world . But I mostly think that is bullshit , and that is not how things work . If there were a god who intervened , why would he kill an innocent baby , just to teach me a lesson ? I keep thinking of Sidney 's picture , his face , wondering what type of child and person he would have been , and feeling intense sadness that we will never know . I think he would have been mischievous and kind , and I long to have him as a present part of our family . But he is not here . I still don 't understand how this could be real . And if I think about expanding our family , I get hit by another wave of intense pain and anxiety and retreat to the safety of trying to take things minute by minute . Adjusting to this new life , the realization that everything has shifted forever , is too much . Oh , and I thought it wouldn 't happen , but it did . And at meditation for grief , set up by a hospice organization , of all things . I went , so out of place , me , three older women , and the two facilitators . And one of the facilitators said to me , " When my dog died , it was really hard . I know how you feel . " One of the facilitators … . . And the guilt is bad today . thinking about how probably between thursday , when I lost part of my mucus plug , and had some early contractions , and tuesday , when I went into full labor and Sidney died , he didn 't move as much . his heart was probably slowing , and he was dying inside of me , and I did nothing , went about my normal days , not knowing what was going on , and not protecting him . my one job . a lot of moms on these babyloss boards lost their babies due to genetic problems , or placental problems , but maybe I lost Sidney slowly , because I didn 't know to go to the hospital earlier , because I was in a bad mood , and felt a hormonal shift , but didn 't do anything about it . And know I have to live with that , and Sidney does not get to live because of that , and it is so painful to bear . to know there could have been a different outcome . I alternate between waves of despair and then denial . Everything is a trigger . I fed Eli sweet potato this morning , and thought of how Sidney would never get to eat sweet potato , Eli 's first food . Unsure of how I will bear this loss . Yet , I am bearing it because there is no alternative . My mind keeps telling myself it can 't be real . It does what it does whenever I am anxious about something . It tells me , you didn 't do anything wrong , you 're worrying over nothing , this can 't have happened . But it did happen . How can my mind still be trying to tell me it didn 't ? I catch a glimpse of the condolence cards . A really sweet one from my students . You are an inspiration , it says , we are praying for you , it says . From my department . There are no words . Lean on us if you need to . But how ? and in what way ? When people ask what I need , I want to scream , " I need Sidney . " But I say nothing , thank you . When they say how are you , I want to scream , My baby is dead . How do you think I am ? But I say , taking it one hour at a time , or struggling , or something a little more socially acceptable . I looked at Sidney 's pictures last night . It was the first time I had looked at them . I wanted to convince my mind he was real , and that he was gone . He looked less like Eli than I had remembered , a bit more like me . And his face and lips were purple , an indication that life had already slipped from him , before it began . In one though , it looks like a ' normal ' newborn picture , a new baby sleeping on his stomach . I wish I had held his hand , stroked his fingers , accepted the nurse 's offer to cut a piece of his hair . And now it is too late . I will only remember kissing his soft perfect cheek , knowing he was gone already . I will never know what color his eyes were , what his personality would have been , how he would have fit into our family routine . I ache for him , and want to cry out , but have not been crying as much . My mind has gone on a retreat , insisting that this is not real . Why don 't I cry ? what is wrong with me ? I got an email from the interim department chair . It demands to know if I will teach in the fall or take a formal leave of absence for medical reasons . The option that I would have had , to not be on leave but not be teaching , seems to have vanished , and I am not sure why . He also asks how I plan on getting my grading in , and says my maternity leave was never filed because he thought the old chair had done it . bullshit , I want to scream . i didn 't even know of my pregnancy until you were already chair . but what is the point in fighting , in getting angry . not sure how to respond to him , how to plan for the future , when the future has been ripped from me . angry that i have to deal with him at all . i have gone out very little , beyond appointments with doctors and bereavement counselors and an occasional safe walk with a few people who have reached out . when I went to meet with the bereavement counselor yesterday , i was kept waiting 30 minutes in a waiting room . i wanted to scream , my anxiety mounting , listening to receptionists talking about their trip to new york , and thinking how i had canceled my trip to new york when i lost my mucus plug , believing labor was imminent . if i had gone in then , would sidney be alive ? the doctor said I didn 't have to come in but would it have mattered ? unproductive thinking because either way he is gone . My son is dead . I wanted to get up and throw the magazines across the room , yell that they shouldn 't keep me waiting . but what would that accomplish ? i could say I wish I were dead too , but that isn 't true . I just want Sidney to be alive . I could say , commit me to a hospital , medicate me , help me , but it wouldn 't help . that wouldn 't bring Sidney back . Nothing will bring him back . Nothing can change this , which makes everything seem pointless . People compare this to miscarriages , telling us they have had losses too . their losses are real and painful , but they are not the same . Sidney was full term and my body went into labor on its own . He was big enough that he should have I have learned all these new terms , baby loss mamas , rainbow babies , sunshine kids , joining facebook groups I wish that I didn 't know about . I don 't want to be part of this club . The few people I have been seeing tell me to just get through each hour , to make sure I get out of bed , so what is wrong with this department chair , that he expects me to make big decisions right now ? where is his sympathy ? the rest of the world keeps going and expects me too as well . but how can I ? my son is dead . I am angry that my body seems to be physically healing . it is betraying me too . how come it keeps working , functioning , when my heart is broken ? how does it not know or care ? By sidneyandelismomin UncategorizedMay 20 , 20161 , 007 Words1 Comment Mornings are the hardest When I first got home from the hospital , I thought that nights would be the biggest challenge . How would I be able to lie in bed and sleep knowing that Sidney was no longer inside of me ? How would I not replay everything that had happened in my mind ? But nights oddly enough bring with them a peace that I have made it through another day . It is mornings that are hardest . I wake up with a horrible sense of dread in the pit of my stomach and the recognition that Sidney is not here with me . That he is still gone , that my reality has not changed . I lie in bed , unable to breathe , but knowing there are no alternatives . I struggle to get out of bed , to play with Eli and respond to him with some level of sincerity as I die on the inside , fearing how I will get through another whole day . I still have very bad waves of denial , unable to accept that this is my new reality , that Sidney is actually dead , and instead I keep thinking how things like this don 't really happen , shouldn 't really happen . I imagine my contractions killing him , his heart slowly stopping . I know such thinking is not productive and try to block these thoughts from my head , from my heart . But today is Tuesday . A day that I will forever hate . Two weeks ago on Tuesday morning , I woke up to my alarm , thinking if I could just get through the day before going into labor , I 'd be at a good point in my classes to stop early . I went to school , I taught , and I told the staff that I would email them if I was heading to the hospital . That evening , the contractions picked up , I sent out emails canceling my meetings , also aware I hadn 't felt Sidney move in a while . I ate something sweet and maybe felt him move a little . To this day , I will never be sure . I think I felt his head bump gently against me . In hindsight , he may have been saying goodbye . But now , all I can think of is that throughout the day Tuesday , he might have been slowly dying inside of me , his heart slowing down while I worried about teaching , while I thought let me just put Eli to bed before I go to the hospital , before everything changes . but that ' everything ' was bringing home a baby , being a family of three , not having my second son die , not becoming a ' lost parent ' and learning about the world of grieving parents and stillborn babies . It is not a world I want to know about , want to be a part of . And I am ashamed to write about this , to expose my guilt to the world . But my guilt , or alternatively , it not being my fault , as doctors have insisted , won 't change anything . It doesn 't matter . Nothing matters because nothing will change the outcome . And now I have to figure out how to get through each morning , through each Tuesday , to not have Sidney 's death be my figurative death too . But for now , I write because I 've been told writing will help . And I don 't know what else to do … . . By sidneyandelismomin UncategorizedMay 17 , 2016May 17 , 2016543 Words2 Comments Not any easier - changing time Your loss is so painful for me . Each day , I suppose the reality of your death is sinking in , but I am still in denial . I still can 't believe you are gone . I looked at facebook , knowing that it would be a mistake , and saw many baby pictures , and that an old friend had a baby boy the same day as you . How can this be real ? How come you don 't get to come home with me ? My heart is broken , every few minutes are hard to get through . I am not sure what to do with my time , what to hold onto , what to believe in . I am consumed with a desire to be pregnant again , not because it will replace you , but because I want to at least feel like I am taking steps to continue to grow my family . But I can 't try again right now . I just need to sit , knowing there is nothing I can do to change this , to make it better . There is a big recall on frozen vegetables and fruit due to listeria . Will it turn out that that is to blame for your heart stopping ? I go over everything I ate those last few days , but cannot find the answer . And the autopsy results won 't change anything . they won 't bring you back . but how can you be gone ? it was a healthy pregnancy , and i had no indication that you would be taken from me . i am known as a worrier , and i think of that short ride to the hospital , still thinking everything would be fine even though i hadn 't felt you kick in a while . and then when the nurse had to call in a doctor , i knew not to ask if that was a bad sign , but i still couldn 't believe the words , " I am sorry , but your baby has passed . " how could this be true ? how could you not be inside of me now , or nursing on my chest ? how do i go back to living ? before , all joseph and i felt like we needed was more time , more time to get work done and play with eli , to get our house ready , to get things done , to enjoy each other 's company , and now time is my enemy . i listen to the clock ticking and am not sure how to fill my time . i tBy sidneyandelismomin UncategorizedMay 15 , 2016May 15 , 2016875 Words1 Comment Remembering your kicks I want to write this now , because it is painful for me to think about . Your kicks . You were so active , the dr 's commented on it a number of times . And I thought about how you would be a jumper like your big brother . During your ultrasounds , you would move around , and it was hard to get good pictures . The very last ultrasound , they couldn 't actually get any pictures because of the movement . You especially liked to kick while I was putting your brother to bed , and he would put his hand on my stomach and feel you moving inside . If you were here , these would be the stories that I would lovingly tell you . I want to get to a point where such stories don 't bring me pain , but it is hard to imagine . I loved having you inside and I didn 't appreciate you enough . I am still in denial though so I wanted to get this out before it became too unbearable to even remember .
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Today 's interview is with Temba Magorimbo . Welcome to the blog . I love interviewing authors from cultures I 'm less familiar with because I learn a lot . I also have to say this interview made me laugh . You 're a very funny guy . Tell us something about yourself . My name is Temba Magorimbo . I am a male author . My twitter handle is @_ the _ chapter6k but it should have been @_ the _ author6k . Misspelling , call it that . I am from Zimbabwe here in Africa . You don 't know where Zimbabwe is ? That is the country which broke world records by having the worst recorded inflation outside a war zone . I work for the government as an accounting assistant . I shuffle financial and administrative duties at a school . I am married , yes to Itayi . We have two daughters whose marriages are going to the highest bidder , offers ? Did anyone say a cruise yacht ? I started writing when I was around ten to eleven years old . I didn 't know I wanted to be a writer . I just created stories or I extended those I had heard . I liked pen dancing patterns on paper . My father was not amused . I tried writing mystery novels between the ages of fourteen and seventeen . Oh boy ! My writing process is going through a metamorphosis . I used to plan , strategise then put pen on paper . Now I find snippets of action coming to my mind . I record these . I end up with ten percent of the book in abeyance for some period before I start work . I use a storyline to guide me though I don 't split that into chapters . Romance is what makes me a writer , the contemporary variety . Other than that I would choose to write the general fiction category . That allows a writer to put in a little bit of the cheating wife , the squeamish detective and the hit - and - run driver . I read all types of fiction except horror or erotic . I like to read and research . I like my game of cricket . I watch other sports when time allows . I also enjoy seeing winter sports that include skiing plus English soccer . If I knew that I would have written a guide to inspiration for would - be writers . Inspiration just pops up like a dog on a wet beach . I just get inspired maybe by an article or a glimpse of an event then off I go creating fictitious situations and characters . I do detailed research . No reader wants to find out that the author is off key on any topic . Of course you can always write a disclaimer that the author 's views are their own and they cannot be held accountable for errors . Or you can call it an error of judgement . I try to avoid all that . My bedroom is where it is peaceful . That way I do not allow television programs to disturb me . After all some of them are repeats . At times I even write at the office if the ideas keep popping in . Do you find yourself returning to any recurring themes within your writing and , if so , are you any closer to finding an answer ? Yes . I should not find the answer because that would be bad for business . Is there any pension for retired writers ? I would suggest that I am plot driven . Characters just hang on to the gravy wagon as I write . Though once in a while I come up with the ideas of a strong character or protagonist , I always plot and plan before I put myself to write . I 'm going to drop you in a remote Alaska cabin for a month . It 's summer so you don 't have worry about freezing to death . I 'll supply the food and the mosquito spray . What do you do while you 're there and what do you bring with you ? If you 're bringing books , what are they ? I will bring a laptop , a smart phone or / and a tablet . Make sure there is internet connectivity even via a satellite link . I will need to see CNN News everyday because that is where some ideas come from . The Discovery Channel and National Geographic Wild will keep me entertained . After I am bruised by the characters , I will need to know why the wildebeest keep crossing the same crocodile - infested river between Tanzania and Kenya . Of course , I need hear the verbal roasting of some unlucky character or vehicle by Top Gear 's Jeremy Clarkson and his comrades in crime . Then I need to know what is trending on the international finance / economic section . The latest are the most remembered . A writer 's memory ages with the date they created new fiction . The latest is BOOMERANG about a guy who likes to use a chisel on wood while keeping his distance from other folk . They call him weird . He is befriended by the ruling class who take on his creations while his own try to fleece him . He loses the chieftainship . He shifts to a place 200 kilometres away and marries to produce a family . His blood brother is a rural dancer and drummer of repute . He has a reputation for liking ladies and beer . He leaves a trail of broken - hearted and pregnant women . Then time swings to the present . Who fathered the boy that Richard adopted ? LAKE OF MY HEART is about Trevor who likes to go up the mountain even when the storm is heading the opposite way . Of humble beginnings , he burns the midnight oil up the real estate ladder then he meets a girl , Naomi with dimples and tantrums / short or explosive temper . His heart is broken by this charming lady more than four times ? Will their marriage survive ? PATA - PATA [ SOFT FOOTSTEPS ] is about Sandra who is love lone now that she is a single mother in a society where being a single mother reduces marital chances . She goes to a couples ' forum and play acts at marriage with a roving bachelor who has a live wire of a girlfriend called Tina . Tina is not amused . What will happen ? She has sharp nails . BUTTERSCOTCH is about a man with luck in getting high paid jobs yet they are on contract . He loses his first date when she dumps him . He is married with children when she returns to him . She wants them to live together once outside the country in Alberta . Who of his married ex - girlfriend mother of two and his wife is joining him in Calgary , Alberta ? What do you want readers to think or feel after reading one of your books ? Life is a struggle . Those who hang on will tell about the storm that drowned many . They will explain that there are no fish seedlings . You and I would get along great . There are people who believe that traditional publishing is on the ropes , that self - publishing is the future . Do you agree ? Why ? Yes , rather digital publishing is getting to the top . Gone are the days when the publisher will be at pains to explain that their print run of your book , that one you said was a bestseller , did not sell . Traditional publishing is the stage coach resisting the internal combustible engine and the melancholy model T - Ford . These are the days of reading devices that are hand held which can contain an entire library with less than 40GB of hard drive . They have to behave like professionals and treat their work like assets . They may miss out on brushing shoulders with agents , librarians and booksellers . Most of them are tongue - tied anyway . Books cannot be mass produced . They have to be created one at a time . Yes they can do well given the right financial platform . It costs a lot to do editing , book jacket , interior design and to other works because they have to be done by dedicated professionals . These same professionals are at par with those doing the same tasks for the traditional publishing market . I am a Christian . I do not write for the Christian market . I write what can be read by the general market . I have read books about Allah akbar so why not write for the general market . Yeah I do though I do not pronounce some of my staunch Christian beliefs on paper . You have to be principled . That is why there are no bedroom scene descriptions . Yes and no . Christian writers should remember they are not preacher bodies . They are writers like the rest of the world . Christian writers are bound by the Biblical moral code . A great Christian fiction is told in story form . If you decide to take the pulpit to the writing boardroom then make sure you explain the book is a FICTION title . You can always reverse the roles . If anyone interviews you , just say , " No comments . " Today 's interview is with Raven H . Price , who I have been retweeting often . Welcome to the blog , Raven . Tell us something about yourself . I am from Leesburg , GA , a small town a few miles north of Albany , GA . I am a wife , mother and grandmother who retired from government service in 2014 , to write and travel . Yes . While I was writing THE PLAN , I realized if I didn 't write truthfully as well as in a fictional manner I would lose a reader 's interest . I found myself crying many times and came to realize being a judgmental person had to die . It was then I promised myself to be open - minded and show respect to people as much as possible . Sort of . The Plan , my first book is a stand - alone , but the other three are a trilogy call The Paradigm Shift Trilogy . Convicted ( Book 1 ) has an abusive theme involving physical abuse , Convinced ( Book 2 ) has a mental abuse twist where Commissioned ( Book 3 ) is a fantasy explaining why physical and mental issues are intertwined . I 'm going to drop you in a remote Alaska cabin for a month . It 's summer so you don 't have worry about freezing to death . I 'll supply the food and the mosquito spray . What do you do while you 're there and what do you bring with you ? If you 're bringing books , what are they ? I usually write early in the mornings and after lunch I love sitting quietly in a natural environment . Communing with what is around me clears my mind and opens my heart for a more enjoyable relationship with Jesus . I like reading so I 'd probably have a few romance novels to read in the evenings , such as Nora Roberts & J . D . Robb books . THE PLAN : As a young child , Rachel Parody has a very special relationship with Jesus . By his side , she explores a magical place , is comforted , and encouraged to not live in fear . Over time , Rachel and Jesus lose contact and evil demons use their time of separation to steer her into the ways of the world . Not until her heart is completely broken and her mind is convinced she is headed for hell will she seek a face - to - face encounter again with her Saviour . At the age of thirty - four , Rachel learns to rely and depend on her childhood friend once again . He teaches her the truth and then introduces her to the love of her life . Because of her horrific past , many years later , Rachel 's need to be a good example for young women in her church drives her to worry over their romantic influences . When she notices a series of books and movies enslaving them with lustful desires , her interest gets piqued . After investigating the books , these stories don 't repulse her but become a catalysis for Rachel to share the love of Jesus with these girls . But the fantasy appeal of the characters enthralls the girls more than helping them see there is a true immortal named , Jesus . She tried many ways to share how this love story between a mortal and a vampire was written from references out of the Bible 's ' Song of Solomon . ' but no one would listen . Once Rachel realizes her efforts were futile , she asks Jesus to calm her obsession and send someone who could reach the younger generation with His loving nature . Instead of sending Rachel help , Jesus convinces her to write her own story . Exposing her past was not in Rachel 's plan , but giving her life away as an example was His . Convicted ( Book 1 of the Paradigm Shift Trilogy ) begins the story by explaining how after being beaten and emotionally bruised by two ex - husbands , Hope Anderson seeks the comfort she once felt within her family church . Upon her first visit back , she sits on the last row to secure her anonymity . Desperate to find comfort and acceptance , Hope felt judgmental eyes instead . Regularly plagued by fear and paranoia , Hope seeks counsel and finds it through a female evangelist on television . The woman 's depiction of love and her explanation of a spiritual journey prompts Hope to ask God for the same . He grants her request . Hope is taught how to pray effectively because of her journey with the Holy Spirit . With intercession , Hope is also granted supernatural gifts of spiritual sight and hearing . She faces demons bravely through her faith in the Holy Spirit to help others . When Hope 's journey is over , she does not turn her back on her church or on her colleagues at work . Convicted , she boldly stands and fights for them using her superpowers . It is through this process that Hope learns to love herself and other people and to forgive . A prophecy is starting over . Heaven holds a meeting so the last piece of a puzzle can be found . Jesus chooses Gina Grimes , a strong willed , self - serving and unchurched young woman to complete the team . For Jesus ' plan to work , the Holy Spirit has to first convince Gina her lifestyle isn 't great . He uses Caylee Sellers , Gina 's happy - go - lucky co - worker , to convince her there is a better life with the Lord . Once Gina submits to Jesus , he sends her a guardian angel . But when the angel called Ox arrives on the scene to guard her , he sees that Satan is already focused on Gina and is determined to ruin or kill Jesus ' new convert before the Lord 's seed of faith can take root . While Gina physically heals , the Holy Spirit makes sure Gina finds new friends who are also equipped with guardian angels and various powers . Jesus ' plan starts working . Gina gains strength with the Holy Spirit 's guidance , Ox 's presence and her new friend 's assurance . Will she find what she craves before all hell breaks out ? COMMISSIONED ( Book 3 of the Paradigm Shift Trilogy ) picks up where Convinced left off . After Gina Grimes places Satan under her feet , Jesus declares a war . One factor remained before He could follow through with His war . God , insisted He free Satan 's harlot before proceeding with the annihilation . After Jesus releases the harlot , for one year , the Holy Spirit , also known as Whisperer , will narrate the story behind the commissioned . He will lead readers through more escapades involving the heroes and heroines of the first two books while explaining how they harvest souls for God 's kingdom . After telling how Pastor Craig Reed is transformed into the vessel God uses to preach the true meaning of love , Jesus unleashes his final battle that affects the old harlot and gives her a purpose . Who is this harlot that Jesus redeems ? Why did God insist she be saved from Satan before Jesus started a war ? How is she transformed to create a paradigm shift for mankind to follow ? Find the answer to these questions and see how her decision and actions affect all of humanity . Price is so important when it comes to selling books . You would think publishers would know that , but they don 't seem to . What do you find to be the greatest advantage of self - publishing ? Do you write specifically for a Christian audience ? Why or why not ? I am a Christian fiction writer , but my books are not just geared to a Christian audience . All women , not just Christian women will enjoy my books because they are sweet romances with fantasy elements that will keep their interests . People think since you write Christian themed books that you will be a preachy , judgmental writer . I 'm the opposite of this . I try to inspire , and encourage women who feel forgotten , abused , and weak . I love empowering my readers with hope and happy endings . Christians are told to be " in the world , but not of it . " As a Christian writer , how do you write to conform to that scripture ? I 'm glad you asked . I truly believe in a spiritual existence , where we can be better people , know true love and grow as strong , well - rounded people . Without having a sense of a pure undefiled place , our realities would cause our brains to malfunction . Everyone must be able fantasize , dream or wish upon the proverbial star . I write a lot about the spiritual realm where angels live and fight for us . Stephanie ( Stevie ) Jorgenson is a detective in Chandler County . Though she comes from a wealthy ranch family , she made her own way in the world and followed her dreams . Keeping Chandler County safe is her top priority . When she meets the handsome security specialist from Bluegrass Security , there is an immediate spark and the two succumb to the attraction , but neither believes anything more should come of it . Life , circumstance and intrigue follow the pair as they are thrown together time after time dealing with some terrible situations in Bourbonville . First and foremost , this is a series I 've thought about for a long time . You see , my father 's parents were both born and raised in Kentucky . My grandfather came from a very poor family and on top of that , his father divorced his mother when he was very little , about 2 or 3 . Divorce today isn 't thought of in a negative way , back then it was horrible . My great - grandmother did remarry and the man she married , took my grandfather as part of the package , but the stigma remained . As a result , my grandfather lied about his age as a 16 year old and joined the Army . He wanted a new beginning and he was willing to do what it took to find it . The thing is , he 'd met my grandmother before hand at a church dance and he didn 't want to leave her behind . He went to boot camp and as soon as he could come back , he did , and he married my grandmother , but they 'd need to leave Kentucky . Grandpa stayed in the Army for many years , and after leaving the Army , my grandparents settled in Missouri . My grandmother went back to Kentucky every year to visit her sisters and brothers and their children , my grandfather only went back periodically , the bad memories just couldn 't be erased , no matter the situation . As a result of my grandmother going back each year , as I got to be a bit older , I got to travel with her to Kentucky and spend several weeks . I remember those times fondly and they 've ingrained in me a sense of family , easy times and a long - ago world . Now , as an adult , I go back as often as I can to visit my father 's cousins and my cousins . My dad 's cousin , Janet Sue , still lives on the family farm my grandmother grew up on and visiting there is such a treat for me . So , as a result , I always knew I wanted to write stories that took place in Kentucky . It is with great pride and pleasure that I release my first book in Chandler County , Missing the Point . This book is the first of my books in Chandler County but certainly not the last . Sam McKenzie is an Army veteran who has finally retired after 25 years . He and three of his friends have started Bluegrass Security in the little town of Bourbonville , one of two towns in Chandler County . As the Kentucky Derby nears , the over - flow of people coming to Chandler County brings with it trials and tribulations and as the locals deal with these and other scenarios , we get to know many of the residents in Bourbonville . Stephanie ( Stevie ) Jorgenson is a detective in Chandler County . Though she comes from a wealthy ranch family , she made her own way in the world and followed her dreams . Keeping Chandler County safe is her top priority . When she meets the handsome security specialist from Bluegrass Security , there is an immediate spark and the two succumb to the attraction , but neither believes anything more should come of it . Life , circumstance and intrigue follow the pair as they are thrown together time after time dealing with some terrible situations in Bourbonville . Hello everyone , I am so happy to be here and I want to thank Lela Markham for having me today ! My name is L . K . Kuhl , and I am from a small town in Nebraska . I have been married to my high school sweetheart for 30 years . Together we have three children , 1 son - in - law , 2 dogs , and 2 grand - dogs . To pay the bills , my husband and I own a car dealership . He sells the cars and I do the paperwork . Most days , I have plenty of spare time to sit at my computer and plink away at the keys . I am very fortunate in this aspect to have all this time ! If I had a full - time job , there would be no way I would get as much writing done as I do . At what point did you know you wanted to be a writer ? I think it was in my twenties when I realized I wanted to be a writer . I found it fun to try my hand at children 's books , and I would read them to my children when they were little . Then I decided to write poems and songs . I sent a few of them into contests and one of my songs made first place at my local state fair for a song writing competition . I moved on to novels , which is my mainstay now and became a published author in September of 2015 . My favorite genre to both read and write would have to be Young Adult . I love the growing up and learning process that young teens go through and I love being able to help them solve problems in everyday life . My next favorite genres to both read and write are romances and adult novels . I love the ups and downs in relationships and most of my adult novels are based on real life experiences . The one thing I cannot live without are my children … my family . I wouldn 't know what to do without any of them . They are what puts joy in my heart and gives me a reason to get up every day . My brother - in - law had passed away about 6 months before I began writing Everlasting . One night he came to me in a dream . He stood right beside my bed and I was able to ask him questions about what life after death was like . I asked him about 5 or 6 questions and his answers came back to me so real and lifelike that I felt he was really there . Thus , Everlasting was born . I knew I had to incorporate his answers into a book . Although it is a work of fiction , some of his answers from my dream are here and I think you 'll find it intriguing . I got the idea to write Chasm because my husband used to be an engineer for the railroad . Although my husband never worked with this gentleman directly , one of the engineers on the railroad hit and killed his wife and children with the train he was driving . It was no fault of the engineer . The wife did it deliberately to get back at her husband , the engineer . The engineer said the last thing he saw was his children looking up at him from the windows of the car . Wow ! That 's a powerful inspiration and so sad ! If someone who hasn 't read any of your novels asked you to describe your writing , what would you say ? I would say that I pour my heart and soul into them . My books are very emotional . For me to write them and I hope they come across to readers in the same way I want them to . I love for readers to feel the raw emotion that is too hard to say or talk about . Do you write from an outline or are you a discovery writer ? Why ? I think I am a little bit of both . I get most of the story plotted out before I start on it , but discover a lot of it as I go along , filling in the parts I haven 't plotted lol . I think the reason for this is because I like to know where my story is going , it keeps me on a path , but sometimes the characters start talking and tell me where they want the story to go . I know it sounds crazy , but this has happened a couple of times to me . I 'm going to drop you in a remote Alaska cabin for a month . It 's summer so you don 't have worry about freezing to death . I 'll supply the food and the mosquito spray . What do you do while you 're there and what do you bring with you ? If you 're bringing books , what are they ? Hum , this is a fun question . First of all , I would go exploring . I would love to see the scenic area and investigate my surroundings . Do a lot of hiking . And I would bring plenty of books . These would be by Nicholas Sparks , Nora Roberts , Jodi Picoult and also from my writer friends . I would bring my computer so that I could continue to get my writing done . I don 't like going too many days without writing . It keeps me on course this way if I keep at it . Plus I don 't forget things . Everlasting is a Young Adult Paranormal Romance novel . Like I said earlier it is based on a conversation I had with my brother - in - law after he had died . He came to me in a dream and I was able to ask him about what life after death was like . Everlasting is about a first love romance between Tate and Sophia . Here is a blurb and an excerpt : Seventeen - year - old Sophia Bandell is scared of boys , and her biggest fear is dying . Boys make her uncomfortable and itchy and dying is … well … dying . She is ecstatic when her long lost friend calls her , inviting her to spend the summer with her on the beach at Charleston , South Carolina . We stood there and looked around , an awkward silence playing between us . Then he stepped closer and took my hand in his , sending a bolt of staggering electricity zipping through my chest . " Her hand fits perfectly in mine . " He whispered this , as if confirming it with someone . His gaze locked on it , analyzing , then with a shake of his head , he spoke louder . " Sophia , I 'm sorry . I … I lied to you . " " I wasn 't sick that day . Well , in a way I was , I guess . The truth is , I was gut - sick . That guy … he was sitting by you the whole day … and … and he never left your side . I 'd check throughout the day , but he was still there . I couldn 't help it . I was insanely jealous . " He looked down , his tone deepening as he flexed his fingers that were still laced through mine . He released my hand and paced back and forth , the nervousness seeping through as he wrung his hands . " I know it 's stupid , but I couldn 't help myself . I love the way you laugh and … I like you , Sophia … a lot , and it hurt me to see you with someone else . " He lifted his hair off his forehead , pushing it up . His eyes locked on mine again , captivating me . I couldn 't look away . My self - consciousness took over - heckling me . The way I looked right now - with my hair a matted mess from the mist , and no makeup on - must look ridiculous . I drew away , making myself smaller . I laughed my nervous laugh and kicked the sand with my shoe . " Who , him ? You mean … Brian ? " My words wobbled , but I giggled , unable to believe that Brian talking to me could make anyone jealous . Chasm is my Adult Romantic Suspense Novel . It was written because a train engineer hit and killed his wife and children with the train he was driving . His wife was trying to get back at him over some argument they had had . In my novel , he goes insane and starts stalking Taylor Vine and her children . Here is a blurb and excerpt from Chasm : Taylor Vine thinks she can fight off the demons of her past when she moves back home to Estill Springs , Tennessee , but it doesn 't take long to see that things aren 't quite that easy . The bumps she hears in the night soon escalate , keeping her up at nights , and it isn 't long before her most precious possessions , her children , get abducted . She finds herself in a race against time to try to find them before it 's too late . One wrong move and the outcome could be disastrous . Her heart picked up its pace , and she reached for the phone . She hesitated , unsure whether to even answer it . But she plucked it from its receiver . " Hello ? " Her voice slid out rickety and unsure . What she heard next was unimaginable ; it didn 't sound human . The grief penetrated through the voice - through the phone - flanking it with wretched wails and sobs . " I 've killed the children . Heaven … help me … I 've killed the children . " The phone went silent . Taylor 's knees buckled . " What ? " The hyper pitch in her voice strained out . " Goodness gracious , who is this ? What happened ? Whose children ? " Her knees about took her down again . She caught the edge of the counter , catching herself before she fell . " Answer me , for crying out loud ! Don 't hang up on me ! " She listened desperately , plastering the phone to her ear . But the phone was silent . " Hello , hello ? Answer me ! " Frantically clicking the telephone cradle button , she tried to bring him back , but there was only a dial tone . She pounded the phone on the counter so forcefully that the plastic mouthpiece broke into a million tiny pieces . She let it fall , left it dangling by its cord . Swiftly making her way to the hall closet , she rummaged through the plastic totes for a flashlight . " There has to be one in here somewhere , " she mumbled to herself . Extension cords and old Christmas lights spilled over onto the floor . Finally finding a flashlight , she clicked it on . It was dim , but it would do . She ran back to the hall , to the children 's rooms , feeling no pain in her swollen ankle . Flinging Cody 's door wide , she flashed the light toward the wall where his bed sat . In slow motion , the lonely , empty , disheveled bed yanked a horrifying scream from her gut , reverberating through the house . The earth quit spinning , and she was lost to oblivion . " NO ! Not my children ! Please , God … not my children . " She needed life support , couldn 't breathe ; the air was being sucked from her body in rapid swells . She dropped to the floor , her world going black - closing in - smothering . Not knowing how long she 'd been out , Taylor struggled to her feet , she was sure it wasn 't long ; it was still black outside , flashes of lightning still cracking in through the window . She raced to check on Nora . Her room was the same : deserted , hollow , puncturing a bleeding , oozing hole in Taylor 's chest the size of a large , bottomless chasm . " For crying out loud , no … please , no . " The tears coursed down her face . She staggered numbly to Nora 's empty bed , collapsing on it , her hand reaching , groping - trying to find the warmth of her baby girl . But the only thing the tangled blankets and sheets offered her was a bleak and disgusting coldness . It shocked her through her hand . How long had they been gone ? Time couldn 't wait , she needed to find them . What do you want readers to think or feel after reading one of your books ? I want them to feel emotional . I want them to feel sadness but know that time does a great job of healing and fixing a broken soul . And I also want them to know that if they are stuck in a bad situation or feel hopeless or like they can never change , this couldn 't be further from the truth . People can change and fix themselves if they want to . They can get the help they need if they reach out and ask for it . Don 't keep yourself trapped in a hopeless situation . Well , I am happily married to my college sweet heart - and have been for almost sixteen years . I have four children that I homeschool , and love to pieces . At the moment we live in one of North Carolina 's major cities , but my heart will always belong in the country where I was raised . At what point did you know you wanted to be a writer ? Funny story … I was reading a book one day , leaning back in my La - Z - Boy , and the doggone thing didn 't end the way I thought it should had . ( At least , the way I thought it should had ) LOL . I started thinking , " If I was the author of this book , I would have written this way differently . " After that , the ideas I had for the book wouldn 't leave my head . So , eventually , I started writing them down and formed the ideas into my own little novella . Hope Renewed , my first attempt at writing , I introduced four sisters . Of course , I couldn 't stop with just one sister , so I wrote the ' Hope ' series and included them all . Actually , my writing process is sort of a scramble of thoughts mixed with ingenuity . I don 't usually write a full synopsis , but I do have somewhat of an idea of what I 'd like to happen . Then , I just let the story flow from there . Sometimes , the idea works , sometimes it doesn 't . If I have to start over , then I take a new direction . What is your favorite genre … to read … to write ? My absolute favorite genre is Christian Romance . I could probably read books in this genre for hours . I love to read anything by Mary Connealy , Tracie Peterson , and Brenda Minton . And , if a story has anything to do with cowboys , I 'm all over it ! I 'm going to drop you in a remote Alaska cabin for a month . It 's summer so you don 't have worry about freezing to death . I 'll supply the food and the mosquito spray . What do you do while you 're there and what do you bring with you ? If you 're bringing books , what are they ? Wow ! Great question . I would definitely bring my laptop so I can write without distraction . As a mother of four , I get my fair share of disturbances . If I could write for a month with none of that , there 's no telling how many books would come from my head . LOL . I 'm not sure you have that much time . LOL . I have published a dozen books so far and have six or seven more in my computer that I have to get back to . But , I 'll tell ya , my favorite was the ' Vows ' series that I wrote . It consists of four novels : For Richer or Poorer , For Better or Worse , In Sickness and in Health , and ' Til Death Do Us Part . I cannot explain why , but these books made such an impression on me while I was writing them , and I 've received so many compliments about them . What do you want readers to think or feel after reading one of your books ? I try to incorporate a clear plan of salvation in each of my books so that if a person is unsure about their eternal destination , they can clearly see how to accept Christ . And , of course , as a romance writer , I want my readers to feel that forever - after kind of love . I know when I finish a book , I just wanna love all over my hubby . LOL . He likes when I read ! ( wink , wink ) So far , I 've done that myself . However , I have found an excellent lady who creates beautiful work . Stephanie Adams from Agape Authors has a natural touch when it comes to covers , so I will probably be contacting her soon . This is kind of a strange question . For some reason , when people think of the word ' Christian ' , they think of some holier - than - thou group that walks around on clouds and never have a single problem . That couldn 't be farther from the truth . In fact , we experience the same struggles and trials that everyone else does . My books are very clean in speech and morality , and may not be as explicit as some may like . But , that 's because I like to read that kind . Do you feel that Christian writers should focus on writing really great story or on presenting the gospel clearly in everything they write ? Or is it possible to do both ? It 's entirely possible to do both ! Just because a book has been labeled as Christian , doesn 't mean it will be any less of a good story than some that are rated PG - 13 . In fact , there is a peace that settles over you when you realize that emotional and spiritual love can be greater than the physical . Create a free website or blog at WordPress . com . Sue Vincent 's Daily EchoEchoes of Life , Love and LaughterS . R . Mallery 's AND HISTORY FOR ALLEverything Historical And Much More . . . Smorgasbord - Variety is the spice of lifeBlog with a view - on books , music , humour and healthThe Lil ' MermaidDream . Believe . Achievesusanne matthewsLiving the Dream MomzillaNCA blog about issues , life in general , and being a mom , and sharing my poetry . Felix Alexander WriterStoryteller Philosopher PoetYOURS IN STORYTELLING . . . Steve Vernon - Nova Scotia writer , storyteller and master of the booga - boogaDreaming In BlushhYou Are In A Beauty Contest Every Day Of Your Life 💕 Beautiful . Colorful . Youdarlenechancock . wordpress . com / Breaking the ruleswith a smileAuroraWhere the world beginsTwisted ThoughtsPardon my Random ThoughtsGet Legit With ItMissing HappyMy Journey Through Depressionlonelyboy1977Your Future Favourite Fantasy & Science Fiction AuthorCommonplace Fun Factsa collection of trivia , fun facts , humor , and interesting notions . 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I live in a flat in the very center of the city and my motorbike sleeps in the street - that is one of the reasons I bought a second hand one and not a brand new top of the range GS - so the logistics of the trip are not easy . I cannot work on the bike there nor , for that matter , walk up and down the stairs of my apartment with all the equipment I need and strap it to the bike one or two things at a time - it might get stolen while I go back up to get the rest . So when I need to service it or install things , as I have been doing these past few months , I use my parent 's place . They live in a nice big house 30 minutes away from my place and have a front yard I can roll the bike into and work in it , so on Friday morning I attached the panniers ( which can be locked ) at home and then took the tank bag and rack bag down the street and off I went . At my parent 's I removed the top case , which I am not taking on the trip , installed the tire rack I had made the week before , strapped the tires in place , put the bike cover and the food bag inside the tires , strapped the rack bag on top of the tires and attached the jerrycan , chain cleaner , oil and water bottles to the panniers . I ran into the first obstacle right outside my parent 's gate . A new school is being built right across the street , and construction work is almost done , so the enormous crane they were using had to be dismantled , and can guess which day they had picked to do so ? That 's right . Friday . When I arrived there was this rather big telescopic crane truck parked in front of the gate , but as they had not started work yet , I was able to ride onto the sidewalk and into the yard . Now , however , they seemed to have finished lunch and got down to it , and the crane had rotated to start lowering the sections of the other crane and its huge counterweights were barely half a meter from the gate . I started work in half an hour , so I had to find a way out of there or I risked a bunch of unhappy students , and they 're not kids but workers from a pharmaceutical company . Fortunately , the counterweights were quite high and there was just enough space under them for me to back the bike out , turn and ride on the sidewalk between the truck and the houses while they were moving . The reason I was going to work with a fully loaded bike was , again , logistics . I work on the outskirts and finish at 10 pm , and on top of that I was spending the night at my girlfriend 's , who also lives away from Barcelona , and hitting the road early on Saturday morning . As I did not want to have to get up at 5 am or set off rather late , this meant taking everything with me on Friday . Well , that would be the first test - leaving the bike out in front of my work and see if anything got stolen . An hour later I was on the motorway , happily leaving the city behind . I had the documents and the rain had stopped , it even looked as if the sun might come out . I had not solved the driving license issue , mind you , but that was something I already knew - I had had the bike for two years , ever since I got my license , but as it was my first license , it was an A2 type , meaning I could only ride bikes up to a certain power . Mine was limited and I wanted to have it derestricted for the trip this summer , so I had taken the course a week before . At the end of the course they took my license and was told I would have the new one in a week … but I didn 't . It looked as if I was going to have to take the risk and go away for the weekend without one . I wanted to test the camping and cooking gear , and the GPS , into which I had programmed the route using BaseCamp , but most importantly , I wanted to see how far I could ride on bad roads before I got tired and whether I would be rested enough to ride back the following day , so I soon left the motorway and headed for smaller roads ; just past Igualada I took a smaller road heading for Santa Coloma de Queralt and Poblet . I knew this bit of road , and I knew which way I wanted to go - there are a lot of backroads - so I had programmed several waypoints into the GPS . I was surprised then to find that it did not seem to know exactly where it was going … I have never really liked these devices , and have never owned one until now . I considered I needed one to make the best use of the excellent waypoints Walter Colebatch from HUBB has complied for Northern Asia , but I have always preferred to rely on a good old paper map . I had to stop several times to correct it , selecting the next waypoint manually instead of letting if follow the whole route . I changed some settings and preferences and eventually got it to work . I admit that it was probably my lack of experience with the device that was to blame , but I did not find it intuitive to use at all . On one of the stops I made I put the thermal lining back on the jacket as it was quite cold even if it was not raining . I had stuffed it under the lid of the left side pannier , together with a the pants lining and pair of winter gloves for easy access . They will stay there for the trip . Past Poblet the road began to climb and wind its way to Prades and I was starting to have fun . The bike handled really well despite all the extra bulk , and it did not feel underpowered on the way up . I rode south - east along the Serra delMontsant , enjoying the wonderful views and the empty roads , and on the way down to Falset I spotted a big extension of empty clear land to the left of the road . Thinking it would be a good place to start practising my off - road riding skills , I pulled by and rode into it . The ground was a combination of gravel from the road construction , mud and some small bushes . I rode into it and the front of the bike slid a bit , but unlike the last time I had tried to ride on conditions like this , I relaxed me arm and let it do its thing , opening the throttle slightly to keep it straight . Even fully loaded and on road tires , it behaved well , inspiring confidence . Obviously , I was not going to charge down dirt tracks at 100 km / h as if I was taking part in the Dakar rally , but I felt confident I could travel on dirt roads for longer distances , the plan was to take the trip easy , anyway . By midday I rode out onto a main A - road and followed the Ebro river up to Flix and Ascó . The weather had held and by now it was even a bit sunny , so I decided to stop for lunch and see if the old second hand Coleman stove I had bought on - line worked . I found a nice picnic area by the road , sat down on a wooden table , took out the food and the cooking gear and got the stove ready . I poured some fuel in it and following the instructions , I pumped it 20 times , opened the valve and put a match to the burner . Nothing . I pumped a bit more , making sure the I had previously turned the pump handle to the right position , but it still refused to light up . Then I noticed I had some fuel on my hand and quickly put out the match , images of my hand lighting up in flames flashing through my mind . It seemed that fuel was spilling out of the base of the burner assembly , where it attaches to the fuel canister . No warm meal then … I cleaned the spilt fuel , emptied the canister , put everything back on the bike and set off again in search of a place to have lunch , with my mood darkened . To make things worse , just a few kilometres down the road it started to rain . I wanted to find a roadside bar or café where I could eat and keep an eye on the bike , but there did not seem to be any nearby . After about 20 minutes riding I started to be quite hungry and my mood worsened , as it usually does when I have not eaten for a while . With the skies as dark as if it was night , I spotted a camp site by the river and pulled into it . Bingo ! They had a small restaurant and sure enough , I could park the bike right in front of it . I got off and went for a meal without bothering to even remove the GPS from its cradle . With my stomach satisfyingly full , rode away and when I was climbing the TV - 7411 road past Riba - Roja the sun came out and I enjoyed the beautiful view from the hills overlooking the Ebro river . When I reached the top I saw a dirt road to the right of the road and a sign that read " Civil war fort and trenches " . This area was where one of the worst battles of that time took place - the battle of Ebro - so I decided to visit that and get some more off - road practice . The track was about 2 km long , dry and rock this time , and I was more confident . I rode faster , standing on the pegs , and soon I had got to the end . There was a small car park , although I think a regular saloon might have had some difficulty getting there , and a small marked path leading around a ridge where the trenches and the remains of the fort were . From this position , the troops must have had a great view over the surrounding area and an advantageous position in battle . I found out from the explanation displays that a whole system of trenches and forts had been secretly built in that area to stop the national troops advance , but a lack of coordination and worse , of knowledge of the existence of the system , combined with a very rapid advance from the national troops meant that they were not put to good use . One can only wonder whether things would have been different if they had . When I got back on the bike I decided to test how it felt to ride with music on . I know this is illegal , at least in my country , but I very much doubt anyone cares in the middle of nowhere in Kazakhstan or Mongolia , and it is a good way to ward off boredom in long distances . It was a good moment to test it too , this part of the trip was taking me through some largely unpopulated areas , so the chances of being stopped by the police were minimal . I put the headphones on , turned the music up and rode the track back to the road . The moment was perfect : good music , great views … I got a bit carried away and rode the track faster than on the way there , and it was alright - both me and the bike managed it without any problems . A while later I got to a bigger road and stopped to remove the headphones and sent a message from the SPOT tracker . I had been testing it since I set off from Barcelona , sending check in and personalised messages , as well as tracking the route . I had considered buying a cradle to have it on the handlebars , but it was 20 € and the instructions said it had to be at least 12 inches from another GPS device , and it would have been another thing to remove from the bike every time I stopped , so I simply strapped it to my arm . It is comfortable and it gets signal without problems , so it is staying there . The road took me through Caspe , Alcañiz and to Calanda , where I turned off again , heading for the Sierra del Maestrazgo in search of smaller roads . This is an area of great natural beauty , and I enjoyed it thoroughly , riding up and down hills , on roads that had more potholes and patches than tarmac , seeing the sun break through the clouds . The GPS seemed to be working better and I switched from the Garmin European maps that came with it to the OSM ones I had downloaded . Both seemed to work fine , but there were roads that simply did not appear on either of them , so to the GPS I was riding off - road . After the last such road , I came out onto the N - 420 and had to make a decision . There is this small town south of Teruel where I sometimes spend my holidays , and I knew there were a couple of great camping spots . I really wanted to get there , but it was still far , and it was getting late . Not only that , there were menacing clouds in the sky , so I could either press on and try to get there before dark in time to set up camp , or I could try to find a place to sleep where I was . I decided to ride on . The roads were good here , long corners and smooth tarmac that allowed me to make good progress . Once I got there , I had to ride up a dirt track to get to where I wanted to camp . It was not raining when I turned off the road and onto the track , but it seemed it had been raining all day and the ground was muddy . I had a couple of scary moments , when the front wheel found soft mud and skid , but I was able to keep it under control and I got to the top of the hill just as the sun was setting . It was a fantastic spot , but the ground was rocky and muddy , and there was nowhere to put up the tent , so I rode back down the track - more carefully in the mud this time - and went to see if the second spot was better . It was , a nice field of grass next to a stream . I got there when it was almost dark , and started putting up the tent on the grass . Fortunately it was easy and was quickly done , and by the time it was dark I had already finished and had dinner . What I did not have time to do , though , was clean and grease the chain and write this entry for the blog , I just went straight to bed . Sleeping well is important when you spend most of your day on the motorbike and have to do the same the following day and the next and the one after that , so I had tried to get a good sleeping system - I bought an ExpedSynMat 7 and a pillow pump . It was fast and easy to inflate , and much more comfortable than anything I had slept on in a tent before . The sleeping bag was a lightweight one from Decathlon - I had considered taking another one I already have that is warm at temperatures below zero , but I thought that I would only encounter those circumstances some night in Mongolia and most of the rest of time it would be rather hot , so I decided not to . However , I took a bivouac sack in case it got cold , and on this occasion , it proved to be useful . I slept in my thermal shirt and pants , and inside the sack , and managed to spend quite a good night , although my nose - I am endowed with quite a big one - stuck out and felt the cold so badly I woke up several times . It did not rain that night , but in the morning the tent and the bike cover had a fine layer of frozen dew over them , so I had to hang them in the sun while I had breakfast to try and dry them a bit before packing . I got up at sunrise , so I had plenty of time to put everything back on the bike before hitting the road again . It feels great to get up knowing you have the whole day ahead of you , no work , no deadlines , no stress . It was a glorious day , and I headed for the roads that crossed the forests over the hills between the area where I was and Teruel . After about an hour riding through pine trees I arrived in Teruel and seeing that I was making good progress , I decided to take the small roads across the Maestrazgo region instead of taking the more direct way back . By the time I left the area and came down to Mequinenza it was 4 pm and I was starting to get tired of all the shaking and bumping on such bad roads , but I could not be happier . I had some bread and cheese for a late lunch and took the motorway for the last 200 km home . About a hundred kilometres from Barcelona I stopped at a service station and gave the bike a good pressure wash to get rid of all the mud it had accumulated over the weekend . Needless to say , five minutes later the skies opened and there was heavy rain all the way back home . I got to my parent 's at about 7 pm , it was still raining and I had to remove the panniers , the tires and the tire rack from the bike , put the top case back on to go to work on Monday morning and head home , all under the rain . When I finally got home I was exhausted , but happy to see that I was dry in spite of the rain , and more importantly , so was all my luggage . It was a long weekend - 670 km on the way there and 560 km on the way back , most of it on narrow , winding , potholed roads , some of it on dirt tracks and the last bit on the motorway , but it was perfectly doable and the stints I have planned for my trip are shorter than that . The motorbike has performed flawlessly and so has all the gear ( except for the stove ) . I will relocate a couple of things for easier access and buy a few others ( clothes line , another towel , a PacSafe net … ) but overall the result of the weekend test is very positive . The bike and the equipment are ready , now it is time for me to get ready ! I 'll need to work out this last month . Anyway , I will talk about the weekend on a longer post that I hope to write between today and tomorrow . This post was to announce that , following a suggestion from a fellow rider at the V - strom owners forum , I have set up a Facebook page for the project . The contents of the page will be the same as here , it will contain links to all the posts in this blog . It will make it easier for people to follow and share and the main difference is that in there I have uploaded practically all of the pictures I have taken so far , instead of just the highlights I have been posting here , so if anyone is interested in those ( mostly technical so far ) , there thay are . Waiting for tires to be delivered was not an option , since I do not want to spend any longer than necessary unless there is a problem , and forwarding them required having a contact in Volgograd to pick them up and store them , and they might be made to pay import taxes upon delivery . I imagine I could have arranged that through the HUBB , but it was too much hassle and I liked the idea of having a couple of spares with me if a puncture can not be easily fixed with a repair kit . I could always limp to or arrange to have the bike transported to the nearest workshop and have the tire changed . I was going to carry my provisions inside the rack bag ( I got it big because I did not want to carry too many smaller ones ) , but if I used the space in the tires to carry them the bag would be emptier . Not only that , but the stuff inside would be easily compressible ( mostly clothes ) so it would flatten more against the tires and enable me to roll the top of the bag more times , thus making it more waterproof . It was decided . Posted on May 13 , 2013 by Kilian Reply Well , it has been a very productive week and weekend ! Unfortunately that means that I am now behind in keeping the blog up to date , there 's a lot to write about ; I will do it on separate posts . First one : A couple of weekends ago I got down to installing the crash bars , headlight guard and skid plate , which I had not had time to install when I did the panniers and GPS mount . I had seen some people have trouble aligning the mounting points with the chassis on YouTube tutorials , but I am happy to say I had absolutely no problem . The only setback came from the long screw that goes from one side of the chassis to the other and supports the engine block . The crash bars that were installed on the bike when I bought it second hand were the original Suzuki ones , and they are attached to that screw . I imagine that when you buy them the mounting kit includes a longer screw that enables you to attach them . I removed the crash bars and saw that with separator washers the screw had enough thread in it to stay in place effectively , so I thought I would have no problems installing the Hepco & Becker bars , which attach to different mounting points . However , they partially cover the recess on the chassis where this screw is located , and because the longer screw I had in my bike protruded out of the chassis , it was impossible to fit them . The problem came , however , when I had to install the skid plate . Adventure MotoStuff had supplied it with a mounting kit for the Hepco & Becker crash bars , but from what I could gather from the pictures , Hepco & Becker had discontinued the bars for the pre - 2012 V - Strom and developed new ones for the new model . Since both bikes have the same chassis the bars will also fit the older ones , and these are the bars that I had bought . However , AdventureMotoStuff had sent me the kit for the older model , which has a lower crossbar , so the mounting brackets were about 100 mm too low . Now , on a previous post I made positive comments about this company 's customer service , when I was trying to decided which combination of crash bars and skid plate to use I wrote to them and they replied promptly with clear and useful information . I am afraid that I will have to withdraw those comments now … I sent them an email explaining the problem I had and including some pictures for reference , inquiring whether they manufactured mounting brackets for the new bars or not . That was two weeks ago . I am still awaiting their reply . Finally , I fit the headlight guard . The V - Strom has enormous headlights and they are very exposed to small stones flying from the road or even small falls , so I decided this was a must . However , with such big headlights the mesh I had to fit was enormous , unlike the more discreet protectors for , say , a GS . Even so , once fitted it looks better than I expected . I will also be taking a puncture repair kit and a compressor but I have my doubts about taking tire irons . I have never tried to replace a tubeless tire , and it seems to be very hard to do on the roadside , especially breaking the bead . Can anyone advise me on that ? On a side note , this week I gave my sister ( who lives in Madrid ) the application forms and paperwork to get a Kazak visa . I do not have a hotel reservation or an invitation letter , but it seems that there is a simplified application process for Spanish citizens . Let 's see if we get lucky .
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A few years ago , I visited the Reagan Library in Simi Valley , California - - a testament to the suffering of Gen X owing to the turbulent events of his presidency that spanned our formative years . It was a painful walk through a wasteland of our youth . Within this building were images reminding me of living my childhood under the threat of nuclear annihilation , an exhibit reminding me that as a five - year - old , I had to try to understand what the term " assassination attempt " meant , and a picture with a few poetic words reminding me that America had hand picked seven heroes to send into space for its children to love , and then let us watch them perish on live TV . It was Mourning in America in our youth and , strangely , it feels a whole lot like that now . In recent years , whenever I hear Mothers of the Disappeared , I think about how all those children who disappeared in the 1980 's were Generation X . If Reagan was the grandfather we didn 't quite understand , but tried to love because our family told us we should , Trump is the stepfather we hoped would never unpack his bags in our house . Reagan was inaugurated when many of us Gen Xers were still too young to vote , and most Gen Xers I hang out with voted for anyone but Trump . You understand we are dealing with resurgent issues our generation first confronted in the 1980 's . You already know that in some ways , it feels that our society has taken a step backwards . On this tour , as your fervent voice fills the stadiums and the ethereally pure sound of the Edge 's guitar sends lightening through our cells , for many Gen Xers , The Joshua Tree is still playing in the background of our lives . As you know , some say Still Haven 't Found is the anthem of our generation . For a lot of us , you have been our favorite band for as long as anyone can have one . The rifts of Adam 's bass are forever etched into our consciousness . The rhythms of Larry 's drums formed a musical foundation during our most impressionable years . Thank you for creating the soundtrack of a generation . If we were raised with a weak moral compass , your music helped us calibrate it . You opened our eyes to those around the world who have suffered even more than we have . If we were taught to value 80 's materialism , you opened our eyes to famine and suffering around the world . In a decade when it was tempting to be consumed with fashion and image , you shifted our thoughts to the pain of The Troubles in Ireland , to the wounds from Apartheid in South Africa , to the injustice and suffering in Latin America . Even now , your messages of women 's rights , extreme poverty , and ending HIV in our generation encourage us to keep raising our voices , to keep fighting the good fight . In 2013 , I did a photographic pilgrimage to the Mojave Desert about The Joshua Tree album . What it got me thinking about is that we should do all we can as a generation to leave this desert a better place than we found it , to work to alleviate the suffering of others , to pass on glimpses of hope as we get glimpses of it ourselves . The tragedy , beyond Gen X growing up in a Crisis Era , is that we have always lived in one . And all the while , as the story of our lives unfolded , your music played on the radio , on our record players , cassette players , CD players , and eventually our MP3 players and smartphones . You played your music for a ' lost ' generation , a fatherless latchkey generation , a ' throwaway ' generation . And that agony we felt is essentially what punk is a response to , and what your roots are , which may be why you understood us so well . If there was nothing consistent in our lives , at least your music was . Thank you for giving us the full circle of this music , especially if we missed it the first time around . . . . When the first Joshua tour took place , I was just a kid in New Mexico who didn 't have enough allowance money for a ticket , and no one to drive me west to Tempe or south to Las Cruces . That 's part of why this tour , this second chance is so incredible . And for those Xers who can 't make it to any of the Joshua concerts this time because of the weight of life , perhaps you could perform spontaneously in some city as they commute home from work . As you did in LA or here in San Francisco in 1987 . . . maybe rock and roll can stop the traffic once again . It took a few miracles , but I somehow found my place up front during your recent Santa Clara show . As I stood between the branches of the Joshua Tree shaped stage , the show was everything I hoped it would be . More than once my veins were filled with adrenaline . More than once my eyes were filled with tears . It was worth the 30 year wait . Our cell phones will be lighting up arenas like ten thousand candles - a reflection of the light you brought to us . And if the last three decades have worn us down , if your performance of some song or another is not quite as strong as before , know that the rhythm and chords of our lives will lift like incense to the top rows of stadiums in these upcoming summer nights and we will sing the words for you . We know those words well , because those words have carried us , you have carried us , let us carry you . At first glance , the two quotes above are unrelated . Look back again . I believe that among the wisdom that can be found in Fitzgerald 's writing , the second quote is the most true incarnation of the original quote . As we get to know people , their rough edges emerge , and if those edges are extremely rough , we find ourselves constantly scraped up and wounded by being in their life , and walking away is necessary . In other situations , we decide to stay , or to stay in touch , and to show forgiveness when a person 's shortcomings surface ( as we hope they will do in return ) . To hold the knowledge that every person we know is flawed yet to remember that those flaws probably come from the fact that we live in a very flawed world , is to be a loving person . To know that when people hurt us , that it might not even be personal , it might be that they are lashing out at how someone else hurt them , is to show grace . When we can avoid judging others in those initial moments of forming an opinion of them when we first meet them , or even when we 've known them for a lifetime , we participate in something truly infinite . When it comes to quotes by Fitzgerald and the expatriate friends he drank wine with in Parisian cafes , I am only somewhat interested in the thoughts they had about human intellect , maybe because of all the spiritual and philosophical issues that exist among a generation , and of all the wisdom that can be passed on from one lost generation to another , I am much more interested in the limitless of the human soul . And if we look back to the wisdom of generations that came from saints or philosophers or artists from all the centuries that led us to this moment , they all left a certain reverberating message for us . It 's in the leaning stones in the British Isles , and in the chipped , antiquated marble of the statues of the Mediterranean , and in the hieroglyphics of the caves of Northern Africa , and maybe even in the gilded edges of California buildings of the 1920 's . And the message is this : Finding the Lost Generation : Of Hunger and Hoovervilles When her picture was published in newspapers , it caused an emotional stir across the country . The U . S . federal government sent thousands of pounds of food to the camp where her photo was taken , but by the time it arrived she and her family had already left to look for work elsewhere . The pea fields at that farm had frozen , which meant no work and no pay for migrant workers . Near the end of her life , almost fifty years later , her son put an appeal in the San Jose Mercury newspaper for people to send money to help with her overwhelming medical expenses as she was struggling with multiple health issues . Letters with money came in the mail from all over , much of it in the form of crumpled one - dollar bills . People responded because they had not forgotten her . There was a connection they had always felt to her because of her picture . There are certain images that have been ingrained onto the consciousness of the past few generations - one of these would be " Migrant Mother . " It is not only the most iconic picture from the Great Depression , it is one of the most significant images of the 20th century . I thought until recently that the legendary woman in this photo was still anonymous , but near the end of her life she was identified as Florence Owens Thompson . Until now , I never saw the baby in her arms . Why we cannot get over this photo is not just because of the mental exhaustion on her face or the creases on her brow that should not yet be present on the skin of a woman only 32 years old . It is more so because we see the inestimable greatness that is in her . In this woman 's eyes is a strength that goes beyond Greek myth , in her face is the wisdom rooted in her Native blood , in her composition is fear wrestling with profound courage . Florence Leona Christie Owens Thompson could pick 500 pounds of cotton in one day , which was more than most of the men who worked the fields with her . This is a mother who raised ten children , and who worked any kind of job she could in fields , waiting tables , bar - tending , or doing factory work . Her father abandoned her even before she was born . She was already a widow at the time this picture was taken in 1936 . Her family history was connected to the Trail of Tears . If anyone has ever known the depths of heartache , this soul did . And you can see it all in her immortally beautiful face . Lange / Public Domain " Hoovervilles " were groups of shacks located on the edges of cities during the Great Depression . These shacks were often made from cardboard or scrap wood . The same name was applied to roadside temporary shelters that destitute families looking for work erected as they tried to escape the Dust Bowl and migrate to California . These shelters could be made of bed sheets or canvas and could be held up with tree branches . In this same area , even now , Hoovervilles still exist , even if they go by a different name . As my husband was driving us onto a freeway recently , I looked over the edge to a reservoir , to where people go for water , and community , and to pitch tents on the grass . What I saw that day was a man sitting in a red folding lawn chair in a florescent yellow shirt , the morning sunlight falling onto his tired blue eyes staring off into the distance , much like the tired gray eyes of the migrant mother . The man was clearly Generation X . He is probably someone 's father . If not , he is someone 's son . A man in a neon yellow shirt in front of the backdrop of brightly colored , modern - day camping tents can seem so far away from the black - and - white images of the Depression Era . We see the agonizing images of poverty in America almost a century ago and want to believe this kind of suffering is safely in the distant past . Kerosene lamps have been replaced by solar powered flashlights , and tin pie pans have been replaced by plastic containers . Everything was different between the man in the red folding chair and the image of the migrant mother sitting on a wooden box , yet everything was hauntingly the same . Florence Thompson , was asked once , " Did you ever lose hope ? ' Let 's not forget the suffering of the migrant mother and her family . Let 's not forget the man who sleeps tonight on the cold ground in Silicon Valley , in the shadow of affluence , by the reservoir on the side of the freeway . ______________________________ A large number of the parents during the Great Depression were from the Lost Generation . A large number of the children were from the G . I . Generation . Being from a generation is partly about the year you were born , though I feel it is much more about your life experiences . Florence Thompson was born in 1903 , and while I consider her part of the Lost Generation , by some definitions this would make her part of the G . I . ( Greatest ) Generation . Either way , she is legendary and I send her my love across space and time . Articles / Sources : Finding the Last Lost Generation : Emma Forever When she walked , history walked with her . With every step she took , she moved one step further away from the Dust Bowl . Stories she told me of her youth were tinged with beauty and sorrow . She had Oklahoma roots and got married at the heart of The Great Depression . A few months after her husband died in the early 1980 's , I moved onto her street . What had brought my family to this small New Mexico town was an oil boom , it was probably something similar that had brought her family there in the 1940 's . Her name was Emma and she was all that was good about the last Lost Generation . The photo of her as a young woman on an Art Deco dresser celebrated her flapper - style hair - a symbol of the Gilded Age . She had a turn - of - the - century typewriter with yellowed keys that I 'd softly touch in order not to break them . She had a classic phonograph with a stack of records neatly stacked inside brown paper envelopes . I would lift the lid to peak inside , imagining the ragtime , jazz , and all of the roaring ' 20s that would 've emerged from it . When I 'd come over , my 1980 's bright pink school bag would lay against her tired blue 1940 's couch . I 'd set down my Houghton Mifflin readers on her Mid - Century end tables , stacked with piles of 1970 's Reader 's Digest magazines . She had collected furniture from the 1920 's through the 1950 's until the year came when the house was fully furnished . Knickknacks from every decade up until the 1960 's congregated in her rooms until the day came when the shelves no longer held any space . Her rotary phone would spin around with a soft tat tat tat as she would call a friend . I would finish my homework and watch Leave It to Beaver after turning through the channels with a loud clack clack clack on her monolithic TV . For 30 minutes , I could experience an idealized Golden Era American family in black - and - white pixels after eating peanut butter on saltine crackers . She would make me iced tea on hot days in 1950 's aluminum cups and hot chocolate on cold days from 1920 's Fiestaware cups . She had a faraway , foreboding look in her eyes when tornadoes ripped across the land . That same look reappeared when she spoke of the dust storms that had devastated Midwest farms in the 1930 's . When the sky would go dark and the twisters would touch down , we would hide in the closet in the middle of the house . May 27 , 1982 , was one of those days . The red , handheld transistor radio in her shaking hands gave us the news that twin tornadoes were ripping through our small town . Her quiet strength sustained us because she had survived things like this before and could survive it all again . She and most of her friends lived in Texas - style ranch houses . And always above them was the pure blue New Mexico sky , the desert sun , and the brightest pink sunsets in the evenings . I would walk the blond brick edging of her front yard like a tight rope . Tiny pink blossoms would emerge on her trees as the grass would tenaciously turn back to green after a long winter . That town had gone through many phases of boom and bust long before I ever got there , and continued in this pattern long after I left there all those decades ago . Twenty - somethings now put sub - woofers in their houses where old Victrolas used to sit , and what the younger generations do not know - but that they will soon come to know - is that there is nothing new under the sun . Emma 's life was beautifully ascetic . For her , every season was Lent . She was quick to give away a meal she was about to eat if someone else needed it , like the selfless heroes Steinbeck wrote of who had once lived in Hoovervilles . The Golden Years and Little Golden Books She was an incredibly altruistic caregiver to her friends in their final stages of life - some men , mostly women , many widowed . Some of them were in hospitals or nursing homes , most of them chose to die at home . She would be babysitting me on those after - school afternoons or long summer days , so she would take me with her to their houses . I remember their post - war kitchens , pink and blue monuments to a delayed American dream . Some mornings , we would pop over to a friend 's house and put sugar cubes in melamine cups to the comforting bubbly sound of a percolating coffee pot as we 'd chat at their kitchen tables . Some days at lunch time , we would take them hot dogs and fries with root beer or fried chicken and mashed potatoes with cream soda . Some afternoons , Emma sat at their bedsides to comfort them in their final days as I would thumb through sets of Little Golden Books that had once belonged to their children or grandchildren , or I would play on their rusty backyard swing sets next to patches of dirt that had once been victory gardens . She had so many friends , many of them a decade or so older than her , and so many of them were dying . Two Kinds of Death Some of their deaths were peaceful , as if they were looking back on their lives and the love they had given and were satisfied . You could see in their eyes they were looking past the horizon , to the other side , as they began to ascend from this world . They were reflecting on the grace of the story of their lives , and seemed to be moving miraculously beyond whatever scars life had left on them . As days passed , even as their breaths became more shallow , their joy became more deep . Sometimes they would look at my young face with this radiant love , telling me I was the hope of the future . Sometimes they would give my hand a gentle squeeze as if to physically pass on some encrypted ancient wisdom for humanity to carry on . They knew , as I did , that I was deeply fortunate to stand in their holy space as they began the journey from this life to the next . And some of her dying friends would hint that I should not have come along to visit . . . that I had no understanding of their suffering . Some of them looked at me , as we would walk into the painful space of where they were struggling to exit this world like I had no right to be there . And maybe I didn 't . What did I know of the factories they had worked in as children , or the poor houses they had lived in as teenagers , or the soup lines they had stood in as adults , even after surviving the Great War ? Sometimes , as Emma took care of them , I was asked to leave the room for a while , and though it was not easy for her to do , she would hear their final confessions . I would go from looking at the amber plastic prescription bottles on the TV trays in their bedrooms , to the 1940 's green jadeite dishes on the shelves of their living rooms . Some of the deaths of Emma 's friends were not peaceful . They were angry , even bitter , and in a place of palpable loneliness that maybe they had created for themselves , or maybe because most everyone they loved was already gone . Sometimes their curtains were closed tightly even while sunlight waited disheartened by their window . They would be shivering with cold though the intense heat of summer was hanging in the street . It was hard to understand with my child - mind why they were like this , but life eventually takes us all to the edges of despondency at one time or another so that it is hard to let any light into the room at all . In those days , I quietly learned the significance of letting go of hate , because seeing hate in a dying person 's eyes , the kind they were completely unwilling to let go of , may be the worst thing I 'd ever seen . It was a fiercely beautiful and and intensely ugly experience to watch all these people in their final days . As a young elementary school child , I watched the Lost Generation die . Sometimes , we would stop by someone 's house and we would find her dying friends watching game shows . I remember her saying that when you are dying , it may be time to turn the TV off . As a nine year old , game shows became synonymous in my mind with a reckless diversion - getting to the end of our time on earth and avoiding the unfinished business of our lives . To this day , when a game show is on , I get this intense anxiety that I am neglecting the inner work of my soul . While it could seem morbid or unhealthy that I was exposed to so much death at such a young age , it was a profound gift . It made me realize that each person around us is precious and temporary , that we should use every ounce of our energy to serve others and every resource we have to help one another as well . As a child , she taught me the greatest lesson ever : how to live in the right way so that I may someday die in the right way . Sitting on the Back Row When I would stay at her house over the weekend , she took me to the First Christian Church . We would sit on the back row together , and open the hymnals , her sweet voice wavering from age as it soared across the songs that had steadied generations who needed hope . Those hymns , as she sang them , made me understand the way one faltering generation passes on their faith to another . After a few short years in a desert county , the early 80 's oil boom was over , and we were leaving town along with most everyone else . I did not know when I hugged her goodbye that it would be our last embrace , I only knew that it hurt me fiercely to leave her behind . But she had seen the Dust Bowl and the desert , and everything in between . She was a survivor because she was from a lost generation . I wrote Emma a letter many years later to tell her that her selflessness had stayed with me and that she 'd inadvertently had an enormous impact on the person I became and the faith I had . She was , and still is , from my perspective , a saint . If we can have just one person like this in our lives during our formative years , it can sustain us through a lifetime . She was a true embodiment of the Lost Generation , and because of the enormous amount of time she and her friends spent with me in my most formative years , I can say that I was , to a large extent , raised by the Lost Generation . Sweetest Emma , you were an example of profound compassion , a light in my darkness . I will stand beside you again , on some back row , where we sing to God with voices no longer fragile and wavering , but with voices that are eternal . Some from your generation died with regrets , yet you died knowing you gave every moment you could to others . Your embrace made an enormous hole in my heart disappear , even if just for a moment in time . ( c ) 2017 by Chloe Koffas . All rights reserved . As of this writing , there is only one known person still alive from the last Lost Generation . Her name is also Emma and she was born as the trees dropped gold and red leaves in the autumn of 1899 . Finding the Last Lost Generation : Langston Hughes and the Deep of Rivers In my quest to reach back to the last Lost Generation ( those who would 've been roughly the age that Generation X is now , a century ago ) I am looking back to see what advice , hope , or wisdom they left for us . An essential voice from among that generation was Langston Hughes . Not only was he part of the Harlem Renaissance , he was a contributor to classic literature that has since been read and studied by multiple generations . My favorite people have this way of balancing wit and the heaviness of life with grace . Through my growing - up years , pieces of Langston Hughes ' poetry would pop up in the literature classes I took . For weeks afterwards , his message would resonate in my mind . With each piece , he would would open my eyes more and more to the suffering endured by African Americans . More recently , I made my way through the perceptive and unshakable poetry he wrote through the earlier decades of the 20th century . Hughes ' words and stories , like his ancestral heritage , covered a wide range of American geography and beyond . He wrote of the stress and frustration of the people in crowded cities struggling to pay their rent and of the pain and isolation of people in small rural towns , tired from working the land . In my first experience of the Mississippi River as a nine - year - old , I stood in awe of the potent water as I floated across it on a ferry . It was powerful and magnificent , and I could feel the history of it emanating all around me : an intense sorrow and a thousand untold stories lifting from it , mixing with the heavy summer humidity . I felt something similar as a college student the first time I saw the Kansas River from the window of a plane as it wound through the frozen winter circles and squares of farmland , like the patches on a threadbare quilt . Not so long after that , I saw Lawrence , Kansas for the first time where Langston Hughes spent most of his childhood and walked the same streets that my paternal grandfather from the GI Generation had walked during his days as a professor at the University of Kansas . How strange it is to walk where someone walked that you feel you know on some level , yet their life ended before yours began . Sometimes it seems that we can get a glimpse ( or maybe some fleeting electrical impulse ) of the connection we have to those people by walking where they walked , by opening the door of some small shop on some busy street , hoping their hand once touched the same door handle . Of antiquated doors that I pulled open to small shops or buildings around the university - on Massachusetts Street , or Tennessee Street , or Kentucky Street in Lawrence , Kansas , I can only hope that my grandfather , or that Langston , opened one of those same doors . When a generation , a Lost Generation in particular , who grows up and lives most of their life in a time of Crisis , what we can do is to take what wisdom we have gained from our suffering and to use it to make the world more just , with our stories , with our voices . Hughes wanted an America where everyone is free and equal , and his words are just as relevant today as they were when he wrote them . His writing is one of the reasons that we see classic literature as necessary to culture - it is a way to remind of us of what wrongs we are likely to fall back into as a society if we are not vigilant . In fact , many of the things that were wrong with society when he wrote his words are still wrong . Hughes stressed racial consciousness in his writing and that message is just as needed now as it was a century ago . It sometimes seems that when you stand by a river , you can feel , even if just for a moment , everyone who has stood there at that same place before you . I know it 's true of the Kansas River and of the Mississippi , I imagine it is true of the Euphrates and the Nile . It is the experience of standing quietly , intently , by rivers , and in searching for the wisdom of previous generations that our souls can grow deeper . Let your soul grow deep . Quotes by Langston Hughes Among the most well - known authors of the last Lost Generation is , of course , Hemingway . In my one - year journey of finding the last Lost Generation , I hope to bring to light what he and many other of those writers have to tell us about our present situation - the world of the 2010s . Because Gen X is also considered a Lost Generation , I am especially interested in what they have to say to us . One place I am going on this journey is to the pages of classic books where they consciously left their wisdom for us in print . After all , as Carl Sagan said , " Books break the shackles of time . . . " Within Hemingway 's stories are those deeply affected by WWI ; those trying to not remember it . After the war , there is this partying and bar - hopping lifestyle that many younger people took on as they attempted to blot out the bad memories of the war . With that lifestyle came this futility , this lack of joy , a realization that excess leads to nowhere . That may be one of the biggest similarities between the current Lost Generation and the last one : a need to blot out the bad memories . To borrow from another Hemingway book that many of us read in high school , A Farewell to Arms , a story about the young men of WWI , " They were beaten to start with . They were beaten when they took them from their farms and put them in the army . That is why the peasant has wisdom , because he is defeated from the start . Put him in power and see how wise he is . " The deep discontent of the last Lost Generation resonates with the current one , with Generation X . Society frayed apart throughout our entire youth , more subtly than it did during WWI , but it crumbled , and it left many of us bitter and cynical . In many cases , it also made us wise . This is the last time I 'll read Hemingway . While our youth is full of firsts , once we reach middle age , we begin to experience all of our lasts . His words often make me feel like I am standing , completely alone at an empty beach and the person who was supposed to meet there to watch the sunset with me never showed up . " You are all a lost generation . " - Gertrude Stein To go back in time exactly one century ago , the world found itself at Christmas time , about halfway through WWI . Because of how the cycles of history go , you can reach back to a similar era to better understand the present one . As the cycles of generations go , once every four generations is a Lost Generation . This is what Generation X is , this is what the soldiers of WWI were . The main event that defined the last lost generation was WWI . An extraordinary signpost they gave us very early in that war was the Christmas Truce of 1914 . French , German , British , and other soldiers declared impromptu truces along areas between the English Channel and Switzerland . Not everyone in the war stopped fighting that Christmas , but individual units dotting the Western Front put down their weapons as a sort of rebellion against the violence of war . Stepping out of their trenches to exchange a smile or a handshake , to have a drink or smoke together , to sing Christmas carols , and to bury their dead . Those who chose to participate saw a humanity in each other they could not see before . Soldiers spoke to each other in broken forms of each other 's languages , in every European accent you can think of , to make a genuine connection with the other side . A similar spontaneous situation took place on the Eastern front , the first move coming from Austro - Hungarian commanders , and Russian soldiers reciprocated . At Easter 1915 , Orthodox troops created truces with the other side as well . There are times when we find ourselves so lost , the only place we feel even remotely at home is in No Man 's Land . Yet , this can be the place where the best of human moments exist , a place where we are the least alone . In our current political climate , we see an enormous split , where many have dug into ideological trenches . We can step out of these trenches , these digital veils , and open our hearts to hear the stories and struggles of those on the other side . We can choose to see the faces of those who believe differently than we do as truly human , and know that we all feel anger , fear , heartbreak , and hope in the exact same way . In just three minutes , this powerful clip gives you a glimpse into that extraordinary day that changed history because of human kindness . ( Or search YouTube for Sainsbury 's official 2014 Christmas ad ) . When we can climb out of our trenches , and extend a hand , we can see the divine in others , and they can see the divine in us . May we all have moments this season where we show kindness that we , in some way , change history . Joyeux Noël All rights reserved . No part of this blog may be reproduced in any form without permission . Awesome Inc . theme . Theme images by konradlew . Powered by Blogger .
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I had to give this guy my life story of the past 8 months : how it happened , what I 've tried , which doctors I 've been to , how it used to feel , how it feels now , what I 've been doing exercise - wise , where I got my orthotics , the whole nine yards . When I described how the piano came flying toward me and crushed my ankle against a concrete step , he was horrified . When I told him I ran a marathon on it , he was incredulous , but pleased in the sense of " well , if you could do that , it can 't be that bad . " There 's no name for what 's going on with my foot and ankle , with is annoying because it makes it cumbersome to describe . It 's not like " runner 's knee " or " IT band syndrome " or anything like that . Basically , that piano bashed the ever - loving hell out of some ligaments that tried to heal themselves and became knotted up with scar tissue and adhesions , which are stiff and inflamed , which prevents my foot from having a proper range of motion , which my foot adapted to because it 's lazy , which causes more swelling , which irritates some nerve in my foot , which makes it tingly and achy . Solution : deep tissue " massage " and intense " stretching , " AKA torture . Basically , they are going to squeeze and smash the scar tissue out of me with assorted torture devices . I 'm set to go to therapy twice a week for three weeks , then then see where I 'm at . While I was there , I also had him look at the custom shoe inserts I had made over the summer , and he was somewhat baffled . They cast the molds correctly and they fit my feet fine , but apparently they used a much stiffer material for the bottom half than what is common . Typically , they use a softer cork so there 's a bit more give when your foot hits the ground , but mine is really dense and stiff . He made a few adjustments and they 're fitting much better , but he said he 'd like to replace the cork on the bottom with something more appropriate , so I 'll probably look into that after I see how therapy is going . This week has been all about work . I 've been buried at regular work and with freelance work , so my days have been spent in front a computer or checking emails on my phone . Not the best . I was so tremendously sore from lifting on Saturday that I took Sunday and Monday off from the gym . I hit it hard again on Tuesday ( lifting from the New Rules ) and now I 'm so sore that I had to take today off . I 'm going to force myself to do do some kind of workout tomorrow ; I shouldn 't be this sore after a few 40 lb . squats ( pathetic , I know ) ! For dinner on Sunday , Dan and I combined forces to make some roasted red pepper ravioli stuffed with goat cheese . Dan made the dough and rolled it out ; I assembled everything . We don 't have a handy dandy ravioli tray - yet - so they looked a little wonky but tasted great ! We dipped the finished product in store - bought marinara and in an olive oil / balsamic / herb mixture I cooked up . We rounded out the meal with spinach salads topped with feta , proscuitto , tomato , and balsamic vinaigrette . Not bad for a Sunday night . Last week , I ordered some nail polish making supplies that finally arrived on Monday ! Unfortunately , I 'll probably be too tied up with work to be able to experiment much this week , but I hope to play around with them some time this weekend . Trust me , there will be ( multiple ) posts on that ! The same ankle that 's been harassing me this entire training cycle did so well during the race … then that same foot started acting up . Ms . Super Genius over here wasn 't thinking when I packed footwear for Chicago and spent all day Monday walking around the city in Chuck Taylors ( I know ) . The outside of my foot started throbbing toward the end of the day and has a weird nob / bump on it . I went to the doctor , who promptly told me to quit being an idiot , put on real shoes , and stop running for a week or two lest I give myself a stress fracture . So , that 's where I 'm at right now . I 've been icing , elevating , and calcium - ing it . I have to admit , it is feeling better . My custom orthotics have arrived , but the office can 't get me in to " fit " me for them ( aka , let me pick them up and make sure they didn 't mess up my order ) until Nov . 4 . Until then , no running and minimal walking ( as much as I can help it ) . For now , I 'm going to hit the weights and the bike , hard . I bought " The New Rules of Lifting for Women " some time last year and made it through the first few cycles with pretty significant gains , so that 's what 's on the agenda for now . I 'm hoping to improve my strength , which shouldn 't be hard given how little time I spent in the weight room over the summer , and correct some muscle imbalances in doing so . After that , it 's time to tackle my half marathon and 10k PRs ( PR = personal record ) . They are old , outdated , and not indicative of my ability . Look out , spring racing season , I 'm coming for you … as soon as my foot heals . As I was running my race , I realized that 26 . 2 miles is really far , and that there was no way that I 'd be able to remember or register everything that was happening during those miles in order to write about it . Having that thought is essentially the only thing I remember thinking during the entire race . Oh , that and the PAIN . Dan and I got into town on Friday night , where our friends Lindsay and Kevin promptly took us out to eat at a great pasta place I can 't remember the name of . I didn 't even take any pictures of my food . Helpful , I know . I was being really lame , so we watched a horribly depressing episode of Taxicab Confessions then went to bed . Saturday morning , we woke up and Kevin took us to Bang Bang Pie Shop where we enjoyed the most amazing biscuits , homemade jams and butters , and candied bacon ever . Breakfast stuck with me so long that I wasn 't hungry for lunch until almost 3 … which is miraculous . After breakfast , I met up with some acquaintances / friends who were nice enough to let me third - wheel it all Saturday . Katie and I met at the national ACES conference [ nerd alert ] in Cleveland back in 2006 [ ouch ] . We kept up over the years though social media and both started to get really into running around the same time . She and her longtime friend Mike try to run a race together every year , and Chicago was 2013 's selection . They found a nice apartment for us to stay at on Airbnb and were kind enough to let me tag along to the expo , go to lunch , chill at the apartment and indulge my crazy nail art hobby , go to dinner with their friends , stay with them Saturday night , and navigate to the race start Sunday morning . As Katie said after , it was nice to be friends in real life for once ! We made our way to the expo with Katie 's fiancé , Lance , leading the way . He worked in Chicago for several years and had a better sense of the city than the rest of us , that 's for sure ! The expo was huge … it was so overwhelming that I was too busy navigating the crowds to bother really taking any pictures . It was really well organized , there was just so much … humanity . Not paying attention to where they were going or what they were doing . We got our numbers / shirts , and I made a brief stop by the DetermiNation tent to pick up my Charity Village credentials and make an extra race bib . Then we got out of there ! After the expo , we grabbed some Chipotle and went back to the apartment to chill out . We had a 7 : 45 dinner reservation for , you guessed it , more pasta , but we didn 't get our seats until I don 't even know when . By the time we ate and paid , it was well after 10 and we were fading fast . We headed back to the apartment and got our race day stuff together , agreed on a 5 a . m . wakeup time , and went to bed . Actually , I stayed up a bit longer to finish my race day nails , then finally got into bed around midnight . I slept OK ; I fell asleep pretty quickly , but woke up a lot throughout the night . The upstairs neighbors were playing their music a bit loudly , then I heard gunshots , then fireworks , then it was time to wake up ! Despite my fitful sleep , I hopped out of bed and was ready to roll pretty quickly . After breakfast , we walked to the L and made our way to the race start with no problems . Security was stricter than any other race I 've done ; I kind of felt like I was at the airport . Your race number had to be showing constantly , and they went through everyone 's gear check bag before admitting runners into Grant Park . We checked our gear and had just enough time to take a few pictures and wait in line for the bathroom before we went to our respective corrals . I know it 's hard to believe , but I really don 't remember a whole lot about running the race . There were so many people everywhere that I was just trying to concentrate on not getting stomped on or elbowed or tripping over anyone . I was mostly successful . The crowd support was overwhelming . There were tons of spectators and they were cheering so loudly , it was like being in a wind tunnel . I just tried to stay calm and relaxed to avoid getting caught up on the moment and going out too fast . Around 3 miles in , I realized I needed to hit the bathroom again . The lines were crazy long , so I decided to wait until the next stop , at around 5 miles . At that point , the lines were still really long , but I figured that I would be uncomfortable for a large portion of the race , and I might as well be as comfortable as possible for the earlier , easier miles . I also figured it 'd be better to get it over with early in the race so I wouldn 't have to stop and then try to regain momentum later . Unfortunately , my pit stop cost me somewhere between 8 and 10 minutes because the lines were pretty long . Not ideal , but I 'm glad that I did it instead of risking feeling sick later in the race . Luckily , that 's the only time I had to stop . From that point on , I put on the cruise control and kind of zoned out , making it a point to look around and check out my surroundings every few minutes . I didn 't bother checking my watch too often , as my Garmin paces were all over the place and wildly inaccurate . I tried to take a few Honey Stinger chews every 3 miles and mixed Gatorade and water at each of the water stops , which were spaced out about every 1 . 5 miles or something . I 'd walk for 30ish seconds to drink and eat a few chews , then resume running . That was my strategy for the whole race , and it worked really well ; I never got a stomach ache or bonked . Dan , Lindsay , Kevin and the rest of the crew were all waiting for me at mile 16 , so my primary goal was to make it to that point looking and feeling strong . I was due for some more chews around then , but I didn 't want them to see me walking , so I held off . I never did see them , though they saw me and yelled . Dan said I was totally ' in the zone , ' which must have been true for me to miss them . I didn 't want them to see me walk , even just for a fuel break , so that propelled me through mile 17 . 5 . Once I realized I had likely missed them , I just put my head down and powered through . I kept repeating the phrase " controlled fall " in my head and made it a point to check my posture and run as relaxed as possible . We hadn 't discussed it beforehand , but I knew that my mom and our friend Ann would be at the finish ; I just had a feeling that I 'd see them . I focused on getting to mile 20 , then from that point on reveled in the fact that each additional step would be a personal distance record for me . Around 22 miles in , I definitely started to hurt . I didn 't hit the infamous WALL , but my hips and low back were aching and my calves started feeling a little crampy . I had to step off the course twice for about 20 or 30 seconds each to stretch a little . People always praise the Chicago course for being so flat and fast , but that also means that the exact same muscles are taking a serious pounding for all 26 . 2 miles of the race . It was a huge relief to shake out a little . At no point did I ever , ever feel like I wouldn 't be able to finish . My ankle also felt great the entire time . After months of training , and several weeks of fretting over my ability to happily complete the race after missing some significant training runs because of my ankle issues , I felt oddly calm the entire time I was running . Once I crossed the starting line and began running , my brain shut off and I just went on auto pilot . I took a slightly longer walking break at mile 24 , probably about 2 minutes , then made a deal with myself that I would run the remainder of the race , and run I did ! I got some kind of second wind and I 'm pretty sure my legs were just numb after hours of pounding . It was a little frustrating , because the course got pretty narrow in certain parts and a lot of people were walking . Weaving around them was too much energy at that point , and I didn 't trust myself to not trip or lose my balance . I feel like I could have gained some valuable time had I not gotten stuck , but oh well . Once I got around 1 , 000 or 800 meters away from the finish , I heard " GO , SALLIE , GO ! ! ! ! ! ! " Sure enough , it was my mom , screaming at the finish just like I knew she 'd be . For context , there are thousands of people at the finish line , cheering , ringing cow bells , blasting music , etc . My mom has a … signature cheering voice that is capable of piercing through pretty much any other noise . Not only did I hear her , but I was able to zero in and find her and Ann in the crowd . After that , it was game over . I was so ready to be done , I tore up the " hill " ( I think it was a bridge or on - ramp or something . I was super thankful for my Tower Grove Park hills at that point ) and cruised across the finish line . Official finish time : 5 : 01 : 26 . The walk from the finishing area back to the gear check and park exit was brutal . It was about a mile or something and required descending some stairs . After running all that way , I managed to walk to the beer table , grab a cold one , and hobble off to the side of the fenced in area . I collapsed and enjoyed about half of my beer ( after calling mom to tell her not to worry , I just needed to sit for a minute ) . Mom and Ann took me back to their hotel , where I took the hottest , most glorious shower of my life and passed out for a few hours . After I was back among the living , Lindsay and Dan joined forces to make an amazing celebratory dinner of Italian pot roast , horseradish mashed potatoes , fresh green beans , and homemade bread . There might have been a little ( a lot ) of wine and champagne , too . I fell asleep with a full belly , happy heart , and major sense of accomplishment . Overall , I feel great about this experience . Running in memory of Kim and in honor of my grandma was so tremendously rewarding . Thinking of them and of all the people who donated to the American Cancer Society in support of this run was a huge source of comfort and motivation during my training , especially when I was having doubts about my ankle . I wish I hadn 't lost that time in the bathroom , because a time of 4 : XX would have felt pretty darn good , but I really can 't complain . I didn 't bonk , my body held up , I didn 't doubt myself , and I was able to raise money for a great cause . I can definitely see myself running another marathon in the future , but for now , I 'm just going to bask in the glow of what I 've accomplished thus far . Going into Saturday 's 20 - miler , I was feeling pretty discouraged . I missed two important long runs while my ankle was being sorted out ( 16 and 18 miles ) , so my longest run prior to this weekend was only 15 miles . That means I added 33 . 33333 % to the distance of my longest run at that point . Kind of scary . Tuesday : 5 miles @ 9 : 29 . I varied the pace on the treadmill for this one , doing 0 . 2 - 0 . 3 - mile pick - ups ( 8 : 49 - 9 : 05 ) every so often . I 've done so much slogging to get through all of my mileage ; it felt good to pick up the pace a little . Forgot what that felt like . Wednesday : 2 . 07 elliptical ; 4 . 88 bike . Didn 't want to push my ankle too much , so I threw in some cross training . I hated it . Thursday : 9 miles @ 10 : 01 . Finally , a decent run . No walking , my ankle felt good , and the weather was pleasant . My right IT band / hip flexor was super tight , which I think is a function of old shoes and my stride being a bit different from the taping for my ankle . Something to keep an eye on . Saturday : 15 @ 10 : 43 . Got a late start on this one . Had a friend in town , and we stayed up too late . Couple that with the great weather , and I wasn 't in a rush to get out the door . My right IT band started locking up around 10 miles in . I stopped to buy a Gatorade and had a rough time starting back up because of the tightness . Took it to task with the foam roller after my run , and that helped out . Overall , I felt pretty good about week 14 . Despite missing some big runs in the previous weeks , I was able to hop back into training with minimal consequences . I 'm not sure what 's going on with my IT band ; it 's been a while since I had an adjustment at the chiropractor , and that usually helps . It 's on the list for next pay day . This was supposed to be my " peak week , " but my mileage was way lower than it should have been . I was mega wiped out on Monday , but I really should have gone running . On Tuesday , we learned that one of Dan 's aunts had passed away after having surgical complications . That obviously put a damper on the day and the rest of the week , which was really emotionally exhausting . The funeral was Friday , and we just came home and collapsed . At any rate , I did get some good running done , just not the ideal amount . Wednesday : 3 miles @ 9 : 39 in the morning ; 7 miles @ 9 : 42 in the evening . Doing a double was the only way I was going to get 10 miles done midweek . Even though I had to break it into 2 , it felt good to get double digits on a week day . Thursday : Rest . Long day at work preparing to be off for the funeral on Friday ; I also had to take Dan into the office extra early , then we had a concert to go to that night , so there was zero time for running . I did , however , pack my running stuff and take it to work , hilariously thinking I 'd have time to get a few miles in on my lunch break or something . Not . Friday : Rest . Went to the funeral and burial in the morning and didn 't get home until the afternoon . We were both worn out and just took it easy for the rest of the day . It was super dreary and raining , so whatever . I ran by Big River Running to pick up some Honey Stingers , then did a lap around Francis Park , ran Chippewa to Kingshighway , then down Arsenal and around Tower Grove Park and the Botanical Gardens ( a few times ) , then down Morgan Ford to get home . I only had a doughnut for breakfast , which wasn 't even close to enough food . I was feeling rough around 10 / 11 miles in , then I crossed paths with a guy who is always at Tower Grove Park selling Gus ' soft pretzels at the Center Cross intersection . This lovely , toothless man not only sold me an amazing soft pretzel for a dollar ; he also told me a bizarre story about being propositioned by an elderly woman who wanted to take him home . Yeah , . It was … interesting , but I was too busy inhaling my pretzel to be truly disturbed by what he was saying until later . Had I not gotten that pretzel , I don 't think I would 've been able to finish this run . It was touch - and - go for miles 12 - 14 / 15 , then my food kicked in and I finished the last 5 strong . Again , my right hip flexor was being weird for like the first 10 miles , then I stopped in the park and really , really stretched it out . That seemed to work and it didn 't bother me for the last half of the run . I felt great at the end and could have kept going . Given how shaky the past few weeks of training have been , this was a great confidence booster . Sunday : Rest . Definitely sore when I woke up this morning , but not too terrible . I took a salt bath and will be spending some quality time with my foam roller tonight . It 's officially taper time ! My long runs for this and next week are 12 and 8 miles , respectively , then it 's race time ! After so many months of planning for , talking about , and training for this race , it will finally be here ! I missed 2 significant long runs because my ankle was in such bad shape : a 12 - miler and 16 - miler . After going to a few doctors , it looks like I did actually do some damaged when my ankle was smashed by that piano . It seems as though I tore some smaller ligaments that healed funny , and now my ankle doesn 't have enough stability when I run . Luckily , taping up my foot really helps , and I have a few PT sessions set up to try and sort everything out . Because taping my foot has been so beneficial , my doctor is recommending some custom orthotics , which will hopefully be here in about 2 weeks . Not ideal , but better than a " no run " order ! For weeks 11 and 12 of training , I mostly stuck to the bike and elliptical with a few run / walks in there . Nothing worth writing home about . For week 13 , I did a fair amount of walking but didn 't manage much gym time . Honestly , I was defeated and feeling pretty sorry for myself . Not a great thing when you 're trying to accomplish a goal that requires motivation and consistency . Before all of that nonsense , I had registered for McKendree University 's Harvest Challenge " half " marathon ( actual distance : 13 . 25 , not the standard 13 . 1 miles ) . It fell on a weekend that my training plan called for 18 miles , and I thought it 'd be nice to have some course support for a good chunk of that run . Plus the registration was less than $ 37 , including Active . com service fees . After the issues with my ankle and significantly lighter training the past few weeks , I decided to just try and make it through the race and not tack on my extra miles . Turns out , that was a smart decision . I had been dreading this " race " all week . Like I said , I was feeling defeated and I really didn 't know how / if I 'd be able to make my way through it . It was weighing heavily on my mind and putting me in a terrible mood ( sorry , everyone ) . We drove out to Lebanon , Ill . , the night before and crashed at the Drury in O ' Fallon ( thanks , Dad ! ) . I slept like a baby and woke up at 6 a . m . to get ready and eat breakfast . By the time we got to the university for packet pick - up around 7 : 15 , it was 70ish degrees and 97 % humidity . It only got worse from there . The entire course was through farmland . Mostly corn fields . At one point , we ran past a place housing a bunch of thoroughbred horses , which was pretty cool . This was a TOUGH race . Even if I 'd had better training leading up to it , it would have been really difficult . Everyone I talked to was resigned to just trying to get through the thing . It was relentlessly muggy , and there wasn 't a single patch of shade to be found on the course between miles 1 . 5 and 12 . Really , really tough . Not to mention , the elevation map looked like this : I had decided that I wasn 't going to kill myself for this thing . My strategy was to make it through the first 3 miles , then walk for a bit and take some Honey Stingers ( my favorite fuel so far ) . After that , I planned to run to each aid station , then walk for 0 . 1 to 0 . 25 of a mile . I mostly stuck to that , though I walked much more in the " hill country " of miles 8 . 5 to 10 . Trying to run up those things was just a wasted effort at that point , they were so steep . It might not look like much to trail or mountain runners , but I don 't run a ton of hills like that on a regular basis ! I tried to run halfway on the uphills , walk the rest , then run the downhills and flats . It worked out OK . I don 't even know my official time , but my Garmin had me at 2 : 41ish for 13 . 35 miles . My ankle held up really well ; it never hurt during the run . However , I ended up with some pretty good blisters on my feet from tape the doctor used to wrap up my feet . I hardly ever get blisters , but I could feel them developing from mile 9 onward . Overall , dragging myself out to do this run did me a lot of good . It broke through my " woe is me " mentality and gave me a little confidence . Yeah , it was super slow . Yeah , I had to walk more that I ever have before . At the same time , my ankle was able to withstand the stress , and I don 't feel like I lost too much endurance with my lighter training the past couple of weeks . I also got to talk to some cool people and add another nice race shirt to my collection . Given the weather , I don 't feel too bad about the outcome . For the past 3 weeks , I 've only been managing about 3 runs / week , which is far from optimal . Every summer from mid - July to mid - August is always crazy for us , including this one , mostly because there are so many family birthdays during that time period . Add some travel and rough days at work / life , and the running just had to give . However , I 'm feeling motivated and back on track for Week 11 , which is good ; the mileage is starting to ramp up . But let 's not get ahead of ourselves . Here 's what I 've done the past three weeks : Tuesday : 6 . 45 @ 9 : 10 . Super fun run ! It was misty and overcast . Really reminded me of my old cross country days . Ran out at Westport immediately after work , which is pretty hilly , but I didn 't even feel it . Very satisfying . Thursday : 3 . 05 @ 9 : 10 . Made it a point to wake up and get some miles before work on my birthday . Wanted to start another year on this planet right . This sucked . I took the day off to go shopping for my birthday and figured I should do my long run so I could enjoy the rest of the weekend . It was muggy , the trail was super boring , and none of the bathrooms / water fountains were where the map indicated they would be . Not awesome . This was supposed to be 12 - 14 miles , but I ran out of time before I was supposed to meet up with Lacy for pilates , which was super challenging after such an awful run . Then I shopped all afternoon . I was exhausted . I knew this week would be a stretch because I was traveling to Chicago for a raging bachelorette party . I had hoped to get in my 10 - mile long run after we arrived on Friday … fat chance of that . We hit the boardwalk and got beers right away . Anyway , still managed some miles . I also felt mega wiped out , like on the verge of being ill , earlier in the week . Took some rest when I should 've been trying to front - load my runs … but I was just so run down . Saturday : 4 . 25 @ 10 : 35 . Woke up feeling rough , straight up . Drank some water and slept it off for a bit , then grabbed some breakfast and ran a few miles by the lakefront in Chicago . It was a gorgeous day … had I not been hungover , there would 've been more miles in me . Sunday : 5 - mile ( ish ) walk . Walked all over Chicago killing time before the bus came . Was running on 5 hours of sleep , which is about twice as much as everyone else got … Woke up mega groggy and cranky . Didn 't fully wake up until about a mile in . Did this on the treadmill ; it seems to be easier on my ankle , which has been feeling tingly and annoyed lately . Walked on my lunch break . Wednesday : 7 . 25 @ 9 : 14 . Got this done after work . I ate too many Mike and Ikes , which made my stomach grumpy , but that feeling passed around 3 miles in . Maybe they 'd be good long run fuel … Personal distance record , woooo ! I maintained a 10 : 25ish pace during the running parts , but the last 3 - 4 miles were pretty rough . I really want to get to the point where I don 't need walking breaks at the end of these longer runs . I don 't know if I need to start slower or begin fueling earlier , but something just doesn 't feel quite " on " for these long runs yet . Hoping to figure that out over the next 8 weeks . Anyway , took an ice bath after , and dozed for about 45 minutes , then lazed around the house all day . Went out for an amazing dinner of filet mignon and lobster . I 'm sure that aided recovery . Sunday : Rest . I foolishly hoped I 'd be able to cram my last 4 miles of the week in on Sunday , but my legs were toast … duh . Took a salt bath and stretched really well , which helped a lot !
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There is a slideshow of 161 photos associated with this crime / trial on the Huffington Post 's website . I have to tell you how graphic they are . We 've all heard the injuries to Travis Alexander described in detail during the court proceedings and prior to , but seeing them puts it in a whole other context . They are awful . It still stuns me that a person is capable of doing this to another person - let alone somebody they claim they love so dearly . I 'm not sure if the link below will work for you , but the slideshow is not hard to find . Just be warned . . . . there are several heartbreaking photos of the victim , left to decompose in the shower of his own home . Even if you are opposed to the death penalty , I understand why it exists - for cases where such cruelty and great pain was inflicted that no other punishment is great enough : Member 's of Travis Alexander 's family ran out of the courtroom in tears - not expecting to be shown the graphic photo of their brother during the cross examination of defense witness Lisa ( Andrews ) Diadone . Defense attorney Jennifer Willmott focused much of her questioning of the witness around a e - mail Diadone sent to Alexander after she became aware that he had lied to her about the nature of his relationship with Jodi Arias . The e - mail itself was not admissible ( hearsay ) , however Willmott highlighted the areas that seemed to show Alexander had lied to Lisa Diadone and cheated on her during their 7 - 8 month relationship . When it was time for the prosecutor to cross examine Diadone , Martinez tried to put the e - mail in it 's context - with Diadone confirming she had written it at a time when she was extremely upset with Alexander and admitting perhaps it was an unfair depiction of their true relationship . He brought the focus back to what this trial is about - physical abuse , asking her if he ever harmed her physically or acted aggressively towards her , and she said she was never afraid , threatened by or forced to do anything she didn 't want to do during their relationship . It became clear that he was more serious about the long term potential and possible future with Diadone ( then , Andrews ) in a way he wasn 't about Arias . I think this is the crux of the issue . Arias may have felt slighted by Travis Alexander - but the defense really didn 't score any points in my mind because Diadone was able to better explain that angry e - mail and put it into it 's proper context through the cross examination . Did the prosecution cross a line by throwing that graphic photo up on the screen , bringing Arias , Travis 's family and friends and many in the courtroom gallery on both sides to tears ? The State must have felt this was necessary , to show that during Lisa and Travis 's relationship , they had many of the problems Jodi and Travis had - the lying and cheating in particular , however - Diadone didn 't kill him , she reacted like most of the population does and broke off the relationship . I think Martinez wanted to drive that point home , and I think he felt the focus needed to remain on the brutal nature of this murder and not become an examination of Travis Alexander 's personal flaws . After all , he is no longer here to defend himself . Again , I know the defense is doing its ' best to set a theme here that Travis was misleading the Mormon community by claiming to be an honorable virgin while having premarital sex with Arias - but I think too much is being made of this point . There 's a big difference between lying to people about your virginity and being a domestic batterer . Let 's keep the focus where it should be . What matters here is can Willmott persuade the jury that Jodi Arias , after telling three versions of what happened felt at that moment that Travis Alexander was about to kill her for dropping his digital camera ? So far , nothing points to him as having a bad temper or being a bully . He may have been ashamed at the physical nature of his relationship with Arias , but let 's not forget that Arias herself converted to Mormonism too and was professing to her former boyfriend that she was now " saving herself for marriage " after they had had a long term relationship that included a sexual relationship . Although that graphic photo wasn 't shown on television , you could see Jennifer Willmott jumping up in protest of the photo calling it " irrelevant " , after which the attorneys on both sides were called to the judges chambers and outside of the presence of the jury , the courtroom gallery was reminded by Judge Sherry Stephens that they should not react audibly to the testimony or evidence that was being presented . Wow , it was quite a moment . Lisa Diadone helped the State more than they helped the defense , in my humble opinion . Testimony continues this morning - will Jodi Arias have to take the stand to tell her own story ? I don 't think the words of an expert witness are going to be enough to convince a jury that she was a battered woman or somebody who experienced post traumatic stress disorder . She is the only person who knows exactly what happened and how she felt . Problem is , she has little credibility after telling so many lies and the jury knows this . 25 year old Lisa ( Andrews ) Daidone , a former girlfriend of Travis Alexander took the stand today as the defense 's third witness in the Jodi Arias murder trial . Travis Alexander 's friends have talked about Lisa ( then ) Andrews and how serious Travis was about his relationship with her - some referring to her as " the love of his life " . We finally saw Lisa , and it was interesting to me that Jodi Arias seemingly couldn 't take her eyes off Lisa when she was testifying . This was one of Arias 's biggest obstacles in getting to Travis Alexander . Alexander was reportedly seeing both of them at the same time , giving some credit to Jennifer Willmott 's opening statement in which she referred to Jodi as Travis 's " dirty little secret " . Lisa is now married and goes by Lisa Daidone , and she seems like a lovely and genuine woman who 's testimony was honest . I liked her . Attorney Jennifer Willmott questioned this witness , and that seemed to be a good decision because she is more personable than Mr . Nurmi . She was very respectful of this witness - through the many objections from Prosecutor Juan Martinez who objected to many of the questions Willmott was asking . Lisa Daidone met Travis Alexander through their singles ward for the Mormon church and they dated from July , 2007 until late February , 2008 . Alexander was 10 years older than she was , and she described their on again off again relationship . It came out through her testimony that Travis Alexander was seeing Jodi Arias at the time he was supposed to be in a committed relationship with Lisa , and although he denied being romantically involved with Arias , one of his roommates eventually told Lisa of the relationship between Arias and Alexander . This led to trust issues and one of their breakups . We also learned that Travis Alexander was serious about Lisa Andrews " pretty fast " and he discussed marriage with her often . She felt she was too young , only 19 years old and this became one of the issues that would lead to another breakup . Willmott was able to get testimony out to the jury , through Lisa , about the frequency in which Alexander talked about sex and how she didn 't like the fact that he discussed it so much . Lisa Daidone believed in the Mormon views around sex before marriage and she thought Travis did as well . She stated that she was surprised to find out after his death that Travis wasn 't a virgin . Much of the testimony seemed to be following a e - mail that Daidone sent to Alexander . There have been so many sidebars throughout this morning 's testimony , but from what I can gather , Willmott was following along a lengthy e - mail Lisa sent to Travis which described many of the problems the two were having in their relationship . In the e - mail , she wrote that she was sick of hearing Travis talk about Jodi Arias , she felt he hadn 't been honest with her about his relationship with Arias - and how she felt that Alexander frequently needed his ego stroked , often wanting so many compliments from Daidone that it bothered her . He didn 't approve of the profession Lisa wanted to go into , teaching . He didn 't care about her problems , but wanted her to care alot about his . He didn 't come across too well during this testimony - but again , this was one e - mail that was sent . Again - this trial isn 't about whether or not Travis Alexander was a virgin , whether he was truthful , honest or respectful to the women in his life . It 's about his murder . Was he physically abusing Arias and about to kill her on June 4 , 2008 ? It will be interesting to see how the prosecutor handles his cross examination of this witness . His style and aggressive mannerism shouldn 't matter , but it can be annoying to the jury if he consistently attacks everyone who takes the stand . Especially this woman . I 'm sure she doesn 't want to say anything to hurt Travis Alexander - she loved him and she seems genuine and honest . She has to be conflicted being called to testify about somebody she cared a great deal about . One thing I took away from her testimony so far is this : Travis lied to her and apparently cheated on her too . But she didn 't KILL him , she broke off the relationship , like normal people do . If being lied to and cheated on was justification for homicide , I 'd estimate 50 % of the population could be at risk . It 's not pretty , but we are human and nobody 's perfect . Hopefully Martinez will question Diadone in a respectful and non confrontational way , and bring the focus back to the facts . Was Diadone afraid of Travis ? Was he ever rough with her ? Did he ever act in a physical or threatening manner ? These are pertinent questions . Sure , the victim in this case may not have been as honorable as his family and friends believed he was . But everybody has their secrets . I don 't believe being a cheater and liar makes you fair game for a brutal rage killing . Willmott will continue her questioning of this witness after the afternoon lunch break . Fireworks erupted in the Phoenix , Arizona courtroom yesterday as Jodi Arias 's attorneys made claims of " prosecutorial misconduct " . The scope of their claims are a mystery at this point , but their was an oddball witness named Gus Searcy called to the stand who sparred with Prosecutor Juan Martinez - twice he corrected Martinez 's use of the English language which seemed to further infuriate Martinez . Searcy repeatedly pointed out that Martinez 's questions contained " double negatives " , and he seemed to take pleasure in poking at the prosecutor . I hope Jodi Arias was paying attention ! She got a preview of the fury she faces if she is brazen enough to take the stand and lie under oath . Nobody really knows what this alleged prosecutorial misconduct is all about . All I could make of Gus Searcy 's trip to the witness stand is that he seems to be an arrogant man , who smiled and seemingly laughed at Prosecutor Martinez 's questions - not wanting to answer directly , rather he seemed to want to control the questioning , prompting Martinez to tell him " you don 't get to ask the questions here " ! Searcy was defiant at times and seemed pre - occupied with his cellphone ? I believe Searcy also works for Pre Paid Legal or he works closely with them and that is how he became involved with the Arias case . Apparently Searcy had attempted to contact the prosecutor 's office at some point over the last 4 1 / 2 years and was not called back . This is what was reported yesterday , although that would not seem to constitute misconduct unless Searcy had some type of exculpatory evidence that would help Jodi Arias and the State knowingly witheld that information from the defense . The defense team seems to be grasping at straws here . They 've made motions for dismissal and mistrials , both of which were denied . The various news outlets covering the courtroom activity yesterday streamed headlines that seemed to imply there was a witness who had information that could either be very good for Arias or very bad for Arias . Very confusing . The misconduct issues will continue today . Yesterday , Nancy Grace reported that Jodi Arias tried to get a plea deal with the State of Arizona , offering to plead guilty to 2nd degree murder in exchange for a " light " sentence . I believe 2nd degree murder would only carry a sentence of 10 - 25 years in prison , the State declined to take her plea . I don 't know the timing of this reported plea offer by he defense , it wasn 't clear by the information being reported yesterday . Nancy Grace is in Arizona reporting for her show on HLN . She toured the Estrella Jail facility where Arias has been held since her arrest in July , 2008 . She spoke to some of the women who are in Arias 's " pod " , and many of those people reportedly believe Arias 's claims of self defense . The question on everyone 's mind is will Jodi Arias take the stand ? I 'm sure Nancy Grace wants to be in that courtroom when the verdict is handed down ! Expect it to be raining " bombshells " on verdict day with Nancy Grace in the house . . . . . . The Jodi Arias murder trial is scheduled to resume on Tuesday , January 29 2013 , 12 days after Prosecutor Juan Martinez and the State of Arizona stood before the jury and rested their case . The State put on several key witnesses during their case in chief , putting the pieces of a complex puzzle together for jurors to see . Did they prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Jodi Arias planned this murder ? I guess that will depend on the jury 's understanding of the word " reasonable " . A jury in Florida famously seemed to confuse " reasonable doubt " with " no doubt at all " , letting Casey Anthony walk away from the more serious charges against her . I 'm no lawyer , but since when does NOT reporting your child missing ( or dead / drowned ) for 31 days NOT equal aggravated child abuse or neglect ? ? Anyway , that was a different time , place and case . Despite the comparisons being drawn between Casey Anthony and Jodi Arias , the only thing these two have in common is the ability to lie , and to stick with the lie until the lie no longer holds water . Then they shift to a NEW lie , and so on and so forth . The Florida jury didn 't have the benefit of knowing for certain how little Caylee Anthony died , or if she was killed . This is a VERY different set of circumstances . Jodi Arias killed Travis Alexander on June 4 , 2008 . She has conceded as much , but not admitting it because it was the right thing to do , or because it weighed heavily on her conscious - she only admitted to it when she knew the police had recovered the photos , and she left a bloody palm print . Then , and ONLY then , she admitted to being there . But guess what , she still didn 't tell the truth . The second story was far more outrageous than her outright denial of being there in story # 1 . Did she really think anyone was going to believe the story of two masked intruders ? Watching her police interrogation , you could actually see her pausing to think up the next lie . Kudos to Detective Flores for trying to keep Arias 's rants on topic . People with something to hide tend to ramble , and JodiHow will Willmott & Co . handle the damage control ? It 's got to be difficult to defend a client who has lied so many times and told so many stories . I think the self defense story is just as ludicrous as story # 2 , the masked intruder story . All that 's missing now is a one - armed man . . . . . Many people , myself included were surprised at the sudden resting of the prosecution 's case , but they must have their reasons for the timing . According to some reports , there was a lot more evidence the jury could 've heard , including the report that Arias was allegedly seen packing up her car and it appeared she was going to bolt . There were also some very interesting diary entries . Perhaps these things will come out during the State 's rebuttal case . The defense 's witness list includes a former boyfriend of Jodi Arias from California , two of Travis Alexander 's friends who the defense alleges he was dating at the same time as he was dating Jodi Arias ( so , is that a crime ? ) , a local psychologist and expert on sexual violence cases named Richard Samuels , Kimberly Ross - one of Jodi Arias 's former " cellies " and Jodi Arias herself appears on the witness list . Will she take the stand ? It appears the defense will do their best to paint Travis Alexander as a womanizer , a man who was leading a " double life " and kept the helpless Arias as his " dirty little secret " while presenting himself as a devout Mormon and inspirational man of integrity . They want to make him look as bad as possible , without outright attacking him as juries historically don 't like it when a defense attorney blames the victim for their own murder . Do they stand a chance ? If the jury sticks to the known facts of this case , I don 't believe they do . In my eyes , it comes down to this : Jodi Arias claims Travis Alexander became enraged at her when she dropped his new digital camera . He was in the shower , naked - and supposedly " lunged " at her . Had that happened , I believe Arias had every opportunity to simply run away ! Would a naked man run out into the street of his own neighborhood to chase her down ? Even IF he lunged at her , and he managed to get to her - she just happened to have a knife handy to protect herself in that bathroom ? Are we really supposed to believe it happened this way ? If she had to retrieve the knife from her purse or luggage , that took time - time she SHOULD ' VE used to run away , not murder him ! I just don 't see any way the self defense claim rings true . She either had the knife on her person while taking those shower pictures , or she had it in her purse . If she had to leave the bathroom , in fear for her life to get to that knife , than in my opinion she had ample time to remove herself from the situation by leaving . The only other option is that she had the knife ON her when taking the shower photos . Looking at the time stamps on the recovered photos , that seems to be the most likely scenario . Either way , she murdered him . People actually do manage to defend themselves when they are truly in danger without hacking the person to death . Even if you give her the benefit of doubt and believe her claim , one stab to the arm or leg would 've enabled her to get away from him . There was no need to stab him 28 times , slit What a tragic story this is . Sure , maybe Travis Alexander wasn 't as perfect as friends and family believed he was . He was HUMAN after all . I 'm sure he made many mistakes , who hasn 't ? He may have dated more than one woman at a time , he had sex with Jodi Arias who wasn 't his wife - did he deserve to die for these things ? Absolutely not . I obviously didn 't know Travis Alexander or Jodi Arias . But everything I 've read or heard about him tells me he was a good man , an inspirational and generous man . He was generous with his time , his home , he really wanted to help other people . He seemed to be larger than life . Despite a really bad childhood that included drug addicted parents , he accomplished so much during his brief life . I have to say that I think I would 've really liked Travis Alexander . I pray for justice for him , for the sake of the many friends and family members who loved him and will miss him every day for the rest of their lives . Trial coverage resumes on In Session next Tuesday . The defense has had 12 days to think about how to best defend their client . Do you think the State has proved their case beyond a reasonable doubt ? Please let me know your thoughts ! Posted by Jodi Arias Artwork Selling on eBay ? Just when you think the Jodi Arias murder trial couldn 't get any weirder , the " ick " factor goes up another notch . ABC News is reporting that Arias 's jailhouse artwork is up for sale on eBay ! Arias currently is being held on a $ 2 , 000 , 000 bond in the Estrella jail in Maricopa County , where she has been since her arrest on July 15 , 2008 . According to published reports , Arias has two sketches up for sale with the online auction site eBay . The sketches were done using colored pencils , one is of Grace Kelly and the other is an unknown female ( jailhouse model ? ? ) . The same report states that any / all proceeds will be used for Jodi Arias 's family 's travel expenses during her trial . The trial began on January 2 , 2013 , and many people were surprised when Prosecutor Juan Martinez stood and told the court that the State rested their case last week . There were several additional prosecution witnesses scheduled to testify this week . The trial is set to resume on January 29th , when the defense will put on their case . They are expected to call " experts " on domestic violence and / or battered women , but many believe Jodi Arias herself will have to take the stand to explain her " self defense " defense ! Had " self defense " been her story from day one , this may be an easier sell for Arias . However , since " self defense " was her THIRD account of what happened on June 4 , 2008 , she has some explaining to do . Her first statement simply was " I wasn 't there " , " I wasn 't anywhere near Mesa or Phoenix " and " I didn 't hurt Travis " . She went as far as to tell Detective Esteban Flores " IF I had done this to Travis , I 'd BEG for the death penalty ! " . Wow . They couldn 't write a script to match the drama of this case . There is a mountain of physical evidence against Arias . With that being said , Arias herself has been her worst enemy . She has given many interviews in her jailhouse stripes , the first of which she denies any involvement in Travis Alexander 's death . " I am innocent " , " I would never hurt Travis " - she goes as far as to call the killing " heinous " . In another interview , after being confronted with the evidence that she WAS there , she changed her story to " two masked / armed intruders " came in and killed Travis . She said that she barely escaped with her life . Why didn 't she immediately call the authorities ? After all , she claims that Travis was still alive when she " got away " . The masked intruders had pulled out her driver 's license and knew where she lived . They threatened to kill or harm her family . Did she really think a jury will buy this ? I think the self defense ( or as I call it , her " hail Mary " defense ) claim came after she obtained a decent attorney who brought her back to the planet Earth and she finally realized the charges she was facing . I think Arias is used to using her looks and her soft spoken mannerisms to make people believe what she is saying . This is different - this is murder , and she faces the death penalty . Prosecutor Juan Martinez sent Wendy Aronson to death row in 2004 for murdering her terminally ill husband Joe . He knows what he 's doing , and he is not charmed by Arias . You cannot judge a book by it 's cover . Just because Arias may not look like a killer doesn 't mean she isn 't one . Arias tells Detective Flores during one of their taped interviews that " all of her ex - boyfriends are still alive " ! Wow . What does that prove ? She seemed to come very close to confessing during one of those interviews , saying " what IF I did this . . . . . . " . The old hypothetical . She ultimately retreated to her state of denial . I think Detective Flores was brilliant in his interviews with this serial - liar . He was patient but firm - he didn 't bully her , he didn 't interrupt her - he let her talk , and talk and talk and talk . He let her paint herself right into a corner . So many times you see law enforcement talk over the person they are questioning . They ask a question , and then interrupt when they start talking . Flores didn 't do that . He kept his calm demeanor , all the while letting Arias know that the jig was up . He KNEW she was there - he KNEW she did this to Travis Alexander and he wasn 't having any more of her lies . I don 't have any experience in law enforcement whatsoever , but I thought he did a great job with Arias . So now with this gaping break between the State 's case and the defense case , what 's happening ? I 'm trying to not read too much into the State 's sudden resting of their case , or the break between the prosecution and the defense case . Ultimately , the state will have the last word . The jury will be properly instructed by the judge and the jurors will be left with the facts presented in the courtroom . Who has credibility and who doesn 't ? How much weight should be given to the testimony of a person who has lied repeatedly IF she takes the stand ? Do you believe placing her hand on the Bible and swearing to tell the truth , the whole truth and nothing but the truth will compel this defendant to TELL THE TRUTH ? ? I 'm not so sure . Since Jodi Arias hasn 't been convicted of a crime ( yet ) , I don 't believe she 's breaking any laws by selling her " artwork " , although it 's probably poor taste to buy it . I personally don 't believe murderers should profit from their notoriety - ever . But what do I know ? The one ( non - Grace Kelly ) sketch I saw on the ABC news story online actually wasn 't bad - but why do so many people seek out the artwork of murderers ? I know , I know - Jodi Arias has not been convicted of any crime . But do you honestly think her sketches would be fetching " hundreds of dollars " on eBay had it NOT been for her incarceration or her trial ? I don 't think so . We know that Charles Manson has fashioned " spiders " out of human hair . People serving life have a lot of time on their hands . I don 't mean to sound insensitive to Jodi Arias 's family . I 've seen her mother in the courtroom , and this has to be hell for her . This is her daughter . She 's had to sit through some pretty bad stuff . Horrific crime scene photos , the accidental photos and the infamous nude photos recovered from Travis Alexander 's new digital camera . Her daughter has admitted to killing him . Looking at the aftermath of that June 4 , 2008 evening has to be surreal to her family . They may not have the money to handle the expenses of traveling to Arizona for a prolonged trial . I do feel for them . I just don 't feel for Jodi Arias . Had she been honest about what happened - maybe I could feel something for her , a little bit of empathy ? But given the fact that she hasn 't told the truth - and I don 't believe she is telling the truth now with the self defense , I have no sympathy for her . Not only did she physically kill this man , she is now dragging his name through the mud when he isn 't around to defend himself . That 's what Juan Martinez has to do for him . I don 't know who or how her sketches are being sold outside of the jail system - somebody is facilitating these auction items . I 'm sure Jodi has many " supporters " outside of the courtroom who are willing to help her . I just think it 's in poor taste given what she allegedly did to another human being . Thank God for the photos , and thank God for technology and the Mesa police department . Had it not been for the recovered photos , people may have had a difficult time believing such a petite and soft spoken woman would be capable of such a brutal murder of a man who was much bigger than she is . The photos say a lot . There are no weapons visible in the shower photos of Travis Alexander . No weapons on the sink or near the basin - had Travis Alexander been the aggressor in this fight , wouldn 't Jodi Arias have had some marks , bruises or other defensive wounds on her person ? She had some cuts on her hand - we all know that this is common when somebody attacks another person with a knife . The knife becomes slippery with blood , and the person holding the knife ultimately cuts themselves with their own weapon . At least two people saw Jodi Arias the day after this murder - neither of them report her having any bruises , scratches or any other defensive wounds to her person . Just the cuts . She even lied about the cuts - telling those who noticed that she cut herself on a broken glass while working at Margaritaville . FYI , there IS NO Margarittaville in Yreka , CA where she lived and they have no record of her ever being employed there in any of their REAL locations . So I 'll leave you with this . IF a person feels the need to lie about the little things , do you really think she 'd have a moral issue lying about the BIG things that matter , like murder ? IF you were really a victim of domestic violence , or had gotten into a physical confrontation with someone you were close to , how could you NOT tell somebody what you just went through ? Would you be able to go on with your plans and act as if nothing had ever happened ? How could you hold in the hurt and the trauma of what happened ? Wouldn 't you want someone to know the truth ? There would be no reason to lie . There would certainly be no reason to lie twice ! But now , we are expected to believe the latest story because she is telling this story in a court of law ? Good luck - Jennifer Willmott & team , you have a tough sell ahead of you . I don 't believe there are enough expert witnesses out there to change my mind about what happened to Travis Alexander , and why . And I won 't be bidding a red cent for an Arias original sketch either ! ! Many court watchers , myself included were surprised yesterday when prosecutor Juan Martinez stood up and rested its case in chief against murder defendant Jodi Arias . According to reports , there were many more witnesses that were on the witness list , going into next week . This happens frequently and isn 't necessarily a sign of anything . I really don 't think anybody expected the State to rest after hearing the testimony of Arias ( and Alexander ) friend Leslie Udy . If the State wanted to go out with a " bang " , many feel they missed their mark ! Although Udy was called as a prosecution witness and did provide a first person insight into how Arias behaved in the days that followed this brutal murder , she also bolstered the defense 's portrayal of Jodi Arias as a " soft spoken & amp ; kind " person . How much weight will this have on the jury 's perception of her ? The State must have strategic reasons for ending their case in this manner . Much has also been made about the questions jurors have been asking in open court . They have asked about the recovery of the weapons used to kill Travis Alexander , they have asked about the alibis of Alexander 's roommates and about fingerprint and other forensic evidence that was or was not done within that crime scene . These questions have been a topic of discussion on Jane Valez - Mitchell 's and Nancy Grace 's shows - both of which have been reporting on this trial from the start . I think the jury is just being thorough . The questions they are asking seemingly have nothing to do with what we already know - after all , Arias has ( finally ! ) conceded that she killed Travis Alexander . It 's not a question of " who " , but " why " . With that in mind , why would it matter if the crime scene technicians checked prints and alibi 's of the roommates ? They did - however , it really makes one wonder what the jury is thinking . They now have nearly 12 days to ponder the State 's evidence before returning to hear the defense case . The number one question on everyone 's mind , will Jodi Arias take the stand ? If she does take the stand , how much weight will be given to her version of events given the fact that the jury has viewed hours of Arias interviews with Detective Flores in which she piles lie upon lie ? How are we to believe anything she says when we 've seen her lie repeatedly ? Just because she swears to tell the truth , the whole truth and nothing but the truth - why would she ? Jodi Arias has dug herself into a huge hole . I 've tried to keep an open mind with this case , but thus far I haven 't heard anything that would make me believe this was a case of self defense . Under the law , even if you BELIEVE she feared for her life in that moment in the bathroom , she is ONLY lawfully able to respond with LIKE force . If Travis did " lunge " at her , she cannot stab him 28 + times , she cannot slit his throat and shoot him ! She can only use enough force necessary to escape the perceived threat . Not one person , even Arias herself has ever said anything about Travis Alexander being abusive , violent or threatening . Just the opposite . Much has been made about Travis living a " double life " and keeping Arias as his " dirty little secret " . EVEN IF that is somewhat true , that doesn 't justify this homicide . SHE brought the knife and gun into that home . SHE killed him . Hearing her tell Detective Flores that IF she had it in her to kill Travis , she would 've done it in a more " humane " fashion has to infuriate Travis 's family and friends . This was anything but humane . He suffered - the medical examiner testified that death wasn 't immediate for him . I can 't imagine what he went through in his final moments . Judging by her lack of injuries , this was in NO way a fair fight . She had the upper hand by bringing those weapons in , and using them on a defenseless man who was just taking a shower . She lulled him into a false sense of security by having sex with him , and under the rouse of taking pictures of him in the shower , she attacked him when he was most vulnerable . This is despicable . Don 't feel sorry for Jodi Arias . She is not the victim here . What is going to happen when the defense presents their case ? What do the jury questions say about their thoughts on the State 's case ? I believe that ultimately the jurors will come back to the facts in this case . She admitted to killing him - but only when she could no longer deny it . She tried to sell another story that put her at the crime scene , but pointed at two masked intruders as the culprits . What battered woman would do this ? I think too much is made about her mental state and the simple facts are overlooked . It 's just hard for people to believe that a petite , nice looking well spoken WOMAN could be responsible for such a horrific murder . " There must be a reason " . . . . there was a reason - jealousy . Pure and simple . I truly believe that Jodi Arias , knowing how persuasive Travis Alexander is - he courted her for several months , may fall in love with Marie Hall on that Cancun trip . Even if Hall stated that she wasn 't interested in Travis Alexander romantically , and she told him as much - Arias didn 't know that ! She probably pictured the two of them , falling in love - she knows how charming her ex boyfriend can be . She could not stand the thought that she may be replaced by another woman . This is what the timing of the murder tells me . She couldn 't and wouldn 't take that chance . I really believe it 's that simple . Travis Alexander was pulling away from Jodi Arias . He appears to have been thinking a lot about his life , and getting married and having a family . She wasn 't part of his master plan . I 've heard her talking about " her faith " , meaning her Mormon faith . She wasn 't raised Mormon ! This is something she did for Travis . She believed this would bring them together , perhaps making her " wife material " ? Sure , Travis was carrying on an intimate relationship in direct conflict with the Mormon beliefs he was raised with . He may have kept that part of his life secret - maybe he was ashamed . He wasn 't living the life he wanted to live . Did he deserve to die for his indiscretion ? No , he didn 't . Perhaps Travis Alexander wasn 't as perfect as friends have portrayed him to be . None of us are . But from all accounts , he was an inspirational person who helped and touched many many people . That 's what you hear about Travis from the people who knew him . He was larger than life . She wasn 't . She may have felt used and betrayed . I think we can all understand those emotions . We have probably all felt similarly in our lives . That does not give her a pass on murder ! Many have compared Jodi Arias to Casey Anthony , and have drawn comparisons between the two woman and the two trials . They both were caught lying in very public manners . But that 's where the similarity ends . Casey Anthony ended up walking on all serious charges against her . The prosecution couldn 't say how little Caylee died , so it 's understandable that they had some concerns about putting Casey away for life with so many pieces of the puzzle missing . Sure , I believe Casey Anthony lied right up until the end of her trial . She is the only person alive who knows what really happened to her daughter . It 's unbelievable that she would put her family and the entire country through what she did . All of the resources that were wasted during the many searches for Caylee could 've been better spent on a child that was really missing . She will have to live with the truth for the rest of her life . But this is a whole different case . The jury knows how Travis Alexander died , they know when he died . They have seen pictures of him moments before and moments after he died . They know Jodi Arias was the only person there . They know she has admitted to killing him . The only thing in question is " why " ? Look at who had the weapons . Look at how the weapons got to his home . Ask yourself why she would carry a knife into the bathroom . I hope the jury will remained focused on the why and not the who . Thankfully , the State will ultimately have the last word in that courtroom before the jury gets the case . They will have the opportunity to bring this all back into focus after the defense puts on their case . It will be fascinating to see if Arias herself takes the stand . Will the jury believe her ? How will the defense explain away all of the lies , the manner in which Arias tried to conceal her trip to Mesa ? Why wouldn 't she simply claim self defense right after this happened ? Why call the victim 's cellphone and leave him voice mails when she knew damned well he was dead ? She went to great lengths to distance herself from the scene . Thankfully she underestimated the Mesa Police Department and the technicians who were able to bring the deleted photos back to light . Had it not been for the photos , this would 've been a tougher case to prove . Court resumes on January 29th , when the defense will put on their case . Will they have anybody other than " experts " on battered women ? During Arias 's interrogations , she NOT ONCE talks about being abused or afraid of Travis Alexander . She describes them as best friends . She told the same thing to her friends and family . I expect the experts to claim that this is common behavior of a battered woman , keeping the abuse secret . It may come down to credibility . Arias has none . Posted by Wow - the State of Arizona just rested it 's case this morning in the Jodi Arias Murder Trial after calling the " Custodian of Records " from Sprint phone company , Detective Esteban Flores and Leslie Udy , a friend of Arias who saw her on June 5 , 2008 in Utah . The Sprint representative explained phone records , but Leslie Udy provided a look into how Jodi Arias behaved when she saw her the day after Travis Alexander was killed . Leslie Udy met Jodi Arias at a Pre Paid Legal conference in June of 2007 , and they continued to keep in touch . Udy stated that when she saw Jodi Arias on June 5 , 2008 " she was Jodi " , nothing seemed out of the ordinary . Arias told her that Travis Alexander had invited her to stop in Mesa on her way to Utah , but she declined in part to put some distance between them . She further stated that although they were no longer together , they were " best friends " . I was fairly surprised when Prosecutor Juan Martinez rested his case this morning . It seemed sudden . They have put on a ton of evidence in the case already , still it seemed sudden . The judge instructed the jury that they would not be required to come back to court for an extended period of time , I believe she said January 29th ? The defense is arguing for the dismissal of some charges at the moment . I believe they are arguing about the first degree murder charge specifically . There are numerous problems with the self defense claim by Arias . As we have seen by the layout of Travis Alexander 's home , it was a fairly large master suite they were in during the June 4 , 2008 visit . They took nude photos of each other , Jodi Arias took photos of Travis Alexander while he was in the shower . He appeared to be in a relaxed state . What the recovered photos show me is that he was completely unaware of what was about to happen to him . He was posing for the camera . There are no weapons showing in the shower or bathroom photos - Travis Alexander did not have ANY weapons with him . This means that Jodi Arias HAD TO HAVE taken a knife into that master bathroom with her . She had to have gone presumably into the other room , perhaps in her purse - and get that knife . There is no evidence that the knife came from the crime scene , she brought it with her . Had he " lunged " at her as she has alleged - that would put him OUT of the shower . The State believes he was stabbed inside the shower , at least initially . The attack appears to have moved into other areas of the bathroom , but it began while he was in the shower . Defenseless . I believe she caught him completely off guard and he probably was so shocked at what was happening that he had no time to react . He had defensive wounds to his hands , he was stabbed in the back and head . All evidence points to Arias as being the absolute aggressor in this case . Jodi Arias has lied from the very start . She stuck to the " I wasn 't there , I didn 't do it " story right up until the time that Detective Flores put the recovered photos in front of her . Even then , she says " that LOOKS like me " . She also asserts that photos can be " altered " and that she doesn 't trust date and time stamps . ONLY WHEN she couldn 't deny that she wasn 't there did she change her story . And even then she didn 't tell the truth . She simply altered the story to fit the evidence she believed the police had against her . Deny deny deny . Detective Flores never believed the first or second stories she told him . During the second police interview shown from July 16 , 2008 ( the day after her arrest ) , Arias is still lying and won 't tell him the truth . She tries to sell a story that two masked / armed intruders came into the home and killed Travis and threatened to do the same to her . This was her opportunity to tell the police that she was abused and acted in self defense ! If it had truly been self defense , why would she make up these stories ? Wouldn 't it have been easier to just tell the truth ? I believe if the police hadn 't been able to recover those deleted photos , she may never have admitted to anything ! There hasn 't been a single person the defense could call to the stand to verify Arias 's claims of abuse at the hands of Travis Alexander . The defense hasn 't put on their case yet , but I expect the only witnesses they will call will be " expert witnesses " to testify about the way a " battered woman " would act . It will be interesting to see what the defense tries to do when they put on their case in chief when the trial resumes . Prosecutor Juan Martinez secured a first degree murder conviction with the death penalty attached just about 8 years ago when he prosecuted Wendi Andriano in 2004 for the murder of her terminally ill husband Joe . Andriano also claimed she killed her in self defense . Her husband was terminally ill , yet she tried to poison him with sodium azide , and when that didn 't do the trick she struck him more than 20 times with a bar stool before stabbing him . She is sitting on death row in Arizona , and Juan Martinez put her there . My , my , my ! The Jodi Arias murder trial continued yesterday and oh my - the lies just get more outlandish every time Jodi Arias opens her mouth . Yesterday , the jury was shown parts of the 7 / 15 / 08 and 7 / 16 / 08 police interviews / interrogations between Arias and Detective Esteban Flores . Knowing what we now know about what Jodi Arias 's role was in this senseless and brutal murder , it 's just unreal to watch and listen to what she initially tells Detective Flores during those two interviews following her 7 / 15 / 08 arrest in Yreka , CA . I think Detective Flores did an outstanding job with these interviews with Arias . One of my biggest pet peeves is that often times during these interviews , the detectives interrupt the perpetrator or don 't allow them to fully answer a question before moving on to the next question . This doesn 't appear to happen here , and Detective Flores just lets Arias talk , and talk , and talk ! If Arias doesn 't end up taking the stand , the jury will have at least had an opportunity to view these interrogations and see how easily she seems to formulate her stories and lies . During the 7 / 15 / 08 interview , Arias sticks to her story " I wasn 't there " , even when Flores states that he has proof she was . You can almost see the wheels turning in Arias 's head at those points - I really don 't think she believed she would be suspected or caught for this murder . As she tries to explain away things that Detective Flores confronts her with , such as the pictures recovered from the digital camera - it 's almost as if she truly believes if she adds just one more tidbit of information or another detail that her story will be believed . Flores doesn 't give an inch - he is calm and very confident . Story / Version # 2 is given by Arias during the 7 / 16 / 08 interview , where she concedes that she WAS there , but they were both attacked by two armed intruders . She gives small details to Flores , about what the " intruders " said to her and even to one another . Her story is so unbelievable - she clearly didn 't think this through when she fabricated story # 2 ! It makes absolutely no sense that these two intruders would come into the house , kill Travis Alexander and let a eyewitness walk away . It 's also unbelievable that HAD that really happened , SHE WOULD ' VE DIALED 911 ! Is it reasonable to believe she could really just walk away from the scene she described , in which she claims Travis Alexander was still alive when they let her go ? Lame story . My thoughts are this : how is a jury going to believe anything that Arias says after seeing and hearing the numerous lies and stories she has been telling law enforcement officials throughout these interviews ? Credibility is the one asset that a defendant MUST have , and she clearly has blown hers out of the water . Her lies don 't even make sense , they are self serving and I think the jury will see through the " self defense " claim . Wow , the prosecution has done an excellent job putting forth this evidence in a clear and concise manner . There is so much physical and forensic evidence against Arias , the defense has to be reeling at this point . As an average citizen , I personally don 't feel that Jodi Arias acted in self defense - rather , this was a rageful , spiteful , callous execution . She couldn 't stand the though of Travis Alexander moving on in his life without her in the picture . The 6 / 10 / 08 Cancun trip may have pushed her over the edge - here they are , taking pictures of one another with the brand new camera he purchased - possibly to take on the Cancun trip , and he was taking another woman . She snapped . She would 've been much better off just telling the truth from the beginning . I think people would be more compassionate for somebody who " snapped " and did something they really regretted , IF they took responsibility for the crime right away . She did the opposite . She lied and tried to cover her trail . She is probably kicking herself in the a @@ for leaving that digital camera behind . . . . the weapons have not been recovered , but if the police didn 't have that camera , she may have been able to weave a little more elaborate web of lies . It certainly would 've left more room for " reasonable doubt " if not for the photos , but those photos tell the truth for Travis Alexander . Prosecutor Juan Martinez has been able to show the jury , through the phone records that somebody used Travis Alexander 's phone for approximately 16 minutes AFTER the time he was presumably dead . The photo evidence shows that he was more than likely dead around 5 : 32PM on June 4 , 2008 . The records show that later that evening , well after 5 : 32PM , someone accessed his phone for nearly 16 minutes . The most likely scenario is Jodi Arias taking the time at the crime scene to listen to Travis 's voice mails . Wow . How does the defense recover from this type of phone activity and testimony ? What explanation can they come up with to counter this ? Further , the phone records show that two calls were made from Travis Alexander 's phone to Jodi Arias 's cell phone after the time of his death . Was she trying to further bolster her alibi ? The defense is going to have a hard time explaining these details . Defense attorney Jennifer Willmott looks a little bewildered as she hears these details . This would seem to support the " stalker " mentality of Jodi Arias . She remained at the crime scene long enough to clean herself up , wash off Travis Alexander 's body and " stage " the scene with him stuffed into the shower - and then she took the time to call his voicemail and listen to his messages ? Do these sound like the actions of a woman who killed only in " self defense " ? If I 'm a juror , my thoughts would be NO ! ! I don 't envy the defense in this case . If there are two calls from Alexander 's phone to Arias 's phone AFTER the time he was known to be dead - who else could 've made those calls , and WHY ? Wow . Thank God for technology ! 30 year old Travis Alexander was found dead in the shower of his Mesa , AZ home on June 9 , 2008 . He had been stabbed more than 27 times , had his throat slit and had been shot in the face . Evidence recovered from the crime scene included a bloody palm print of Jodi Arias , as well as several photos that had been previously deleted from the victim 's digital camera that placed Arias at the scene on the day police believe he was killed - June 4 , 2008 . Photos that were taken , and later deleted ( presumably by Arias ) captured Alexander and Arias in various states of undress and they appeared to have been having consensual sex during that visit . The recovered photos also depict some photos of Travis Alexander that were taken in his shower , while he was alive - followed by pictures that would seem to represent a fierce struggle between the two . Finally , photos of a dead or dying Alexander were captured , then deleted . It is unknown if Arias meant to take those final pictures . The recovered photos have been essential in breaking down Arias 's previous lies to police - she denied seeing Travis in several months , then claimed 2 armed intruders killed him . When the overwhelming forensic evidence started coming back proving she was there , she adjusted her story and claimed she killed him in self defense . Just to recap - my understanding of self defense is , that you defend yourself with enough force to escape the immediate danger . This killing involved the victim being stabbed 27 - 29 times , several of those stab wounds were to his back , his throat was slit from ear to ear before finally being shot in the face with a . 25 caliber gun . Coincidentally , Arias 's grandparents - where she was living in Yreka , CA reported a break - in at their home on 5 / 28 / 08 where a . 25 caliber gun was " stolen " . The prosecution has alleged Arias took the gun with the intent of using it on Travis . Alexander was set to leave on a Cancun , Mexico vacation with friend Marie " Mimi " Hall on June 10 , 2008 . When she hadn 't heard from Travis in several days , friends went to his house to see if he was alright . How horrifying to walk into that bloody crime scene where Travis 's body lay for 5 days . Nobody should have to see things like that . Arias 's demeanor in court has been somewhat subdued - she seems to cry at the appropriate moments . It 's hard to tell if she is really upset , seeing what she ultimately did to this man that she loved or if she is crying for her potential death sentence she faces if convicted . Maybe it 's a little of both ? She has been taking notes and sharing them with her attorney Jennifer Willmott throughout the testimony of the Yreka police officer . Perhaps she 's offering insight into things that are being alleged ? Who knows for sure . What we do know is that she FINALLY , when backed into a corner of physical and forensic evidence admitted to killing Travis Alexander . I don 't believe this was a case of self defense , as the defense has alluded . This was a rageful and out of control blitz attack on Travis Alexander . I don 't think Arias could handle the fact that Travis chose to take another woman on the Cancun trip - a respectable woman from the Mormon church . She was not going to let that trip happen ! Just my humble opinion . Testimony continued this morning in the Jodi Arias murder trial . This morning , the jury has heard testimony from Officer Kevin Friedman from the Yreka Police Department in regards to a reported burglary on 5 / 28 / 08 at the home of Jodi Arias 's grandparents home - where she was living at the time . Among the few items reportedly stolen from the home was a . 25 caliber handgun , the same caliber used to shoot Travis Alexander in the face on 6 / 4 / 08 . Jurors viewed photos of Arias 's grandparents home and heard from Officer Friedman on the items that were reportedly taken : the handgun , $ 30 in cash and a DVD player were taken . Just as importantly , Prosecutor Juan Martinez pointed to items that weren 't taken , such as the television , Arias 's laptop , and stacks of quarters were located immediately above the cabinet where the 25 caliber gun was taken . Other guns remained untouched in the home . The prosecution is trying to show the link between the reported burglary of this gun and suggest this was the gun used to shoot 30 year old Alexander in his Mesa Arizona home on 6 / 4 / 08 . This would go a long way to show Arias 's intents on that fateful night . Arias 's credibility has been greatly damaged due to the many stories , outright lies and inconsistencies she has given about these events in a very public fashion . She gave at least 2 interviews while being held on $ 2MM bail at the Estrella Jail in Maricopa County where she first denied seeing Travis Alexander for several months prior to his murder , then changed her story to say that 2 armed intruders came into the home and attacked them both - she was able to escape unharmed but never reported the attack on Alexander to police . Finally , when confronted with indisputable evidence that she was in the house on 6 / 4 / 08 , she confessed to killing Travis but said she did so in self defense . The jury is out on a lunch break now , but when they return they will hear more testimony from Maricopa County Office Michael Melendez - he is the technician who recovered deleted photos from Alexander 's digital camera that seem to show the crime as it was happening . The pictures have been called the " smoking gun " in the case , but Arias also left a palm print and other DNA evidence at the crime scene . Testimony continued yesterday in the Jodi Arias murder trial . The jury heard from the newest man in Jodi Arias 's life - Ryan Burns . Arias met Burns at a Pre Paid Legal conference , where Burns had received a " Rising Star " award and the two began corresponding . At the time , Arias was living in Yreka , CA while Burns lived in Utah . After killing Travis Alexander in his Mesa , Arizona home on 6 / 4 / 08 , Arias drove her rental car to visit Burns in Utah . Arias maintains she killed Travis Alexander in self defense . Ryan Burns testimony provided crucial insight into Arias 's state of mind just one day after the brutal murder . The jury heard from Burns that Jodi Arias arrived dressed in a long sleeved shirt despite the summer heat . He saw no major injuries on Arias , with the exception of some cuts on her hands . She told him the cuts were a result of breaking a glass . He testified that Arias never mentioned having seen Travis Alexander , let alone being in a " life or death " struggle with him . She arrived a day later than Burns expected . He reportedly called her several times around 6 / 4 / 08 - when he finally reached her , she told him she had gotten lost and pulled over to sleep . Knowing what he now knows about where Jodi Arias really was , and what she allegedly did to Alexander , he was " shocked " at her lack of effect . She kissed Burns " aggressively " , and climbed on top of him at one point , but Burns stopped the advances before " any clothes came off " . He described Arias as " stronger than she looks " , stating that despite her small stature , she knew how to handle herself . Both Travis Alexander and Ryan Burns worked for Pre Paid Legal , and both men met Arias at conferences related to their work for the firm . Although Burns knew Alexander professionally , the two weren 't friends . He further testified that he believed that Arias and Alexander had ended their romantic relationship months prior to his death in June of 2008 . Jurors also heard more testimony from the medical examiner , who described many of the stab wounds to victim Travis Alexander . More graphic crime scene photos were entered into evidence and shown to the jury . Alexander 's body lay undiscovered in the shower of his Mesa home until friends made the horrific discovery on June 9 , 2008 . Friends became concerned when they were unable to reach Alexander for several days . He was due to leave on a trip to Cancun , Mexico on June 10 , 2008 with a woman he met through his Mormon church , Marie " Mimi " Hall . Testimony continues today . . . . . Medical examiner Kevin Horn took the stand in the Jodi Arias murder trial in Phoenix , Arizona and described the numerous wounds to Travis Alexander 's body which resulted in his death . 30 year old Travis Alexander was murdered on June 4 , 2008 in the bathroom of his Mesa Arizona home . His body lay undiscovered for nearly 5 days , until concerned friends entered the home and found him on June 9 , 2008 . He was due to leave on a trip to Cancun , Mexico on June 10th , with a woman he had met through his Mormon church . 32 year old Jodi Arias , Alexander 's ex - girlfriend has admitted to killing him , but claims it was in self defense . The self defense story is her third account of what happened that awful night . Arias initially claimed she was not involved , but after police discovered her bloody palm print and photographic evidence on a digital camera , Arias adjusted her story and claimed that she and Travis were attacked by two armed intruders . Her third and current claims are that she killed him in self defense . The trial began on January 2 , after more than 4 1 / 2 years of delays . Travis Alexanders sisters and brother have been seated in the front rows behind the prosecution team 's table every day . The testimony has been difficult . The crime scene photos have been unbearable for them . The medical examiner has been explaining to the jury the effects of decomposition on the body and the wounds . The very graphic photos depict a violent and vicious attack , in which Travis Alexander did not die quickly . The State believes Arias attacked an unprepared Alexander while he was in the shower . His injuries include 27 - 29 stab wounds , a gunshot wound to his head and his throat was slit from ear to ear . This was a life and death struggle . The defense has alleged that Alexander become " enraged " after Arias dropped his new digital camera - the same camera that captured this attack unfolding . Arias attempted to delete those photos , but police technicians were able to recover the deleted photos . These are being shown to the jury as well . As the medical examiner described each wound , Alexander 's sisters shielded their eyes and faces from the graphic photos - they left the courtroom for part of this testimony . I can 't imagine seeing a loved one in that state . My heart goes out to them . The prosecution has alleged that Arias blitz attacked Alexander while he was in a seated position in his shower . A struggle ensued , yet he was able to get out of the shower and was at the sink / basin area , bleeding profusely . The blood spatter evidence led Prosecutor Juan Martinez to believe that Travis was leaning on the sink when Arias slit his throat . The medical examiner testified that the neck wound was so deep it nearly severed his spinal cord . 9 of the 27 stab wounds were to his back , some were deep enough to nearly reach his heart . He was stabbed in the head with enough force to chip bone away from his skull . The medical examiner believes Travis Alexander was dead by the time he was shot in the head with a 25 caliber gun . The defense has alleged the gunshot occurred first , after Alexander initiated the attack on Arias , and the other wounds occurred during a " life and death " struggle for her life . They are attempting to paint Arias as an abused woman who was seduced , used for sex and kept hidden from friends before being discarded by Alexander . Alexander was a devout Mormon , and much has been made about the sexual relationship between he and Arias . Testimony continues today . On deck : the male friend who Arias visited less than 12 hours after killing Travis Alexander . Arias drove from Mesa Arizona to Utah in a rented car , and never mentioned anything about the incident to this man . He has reportedly said that despite the seasonal heat , Arias arrived dressed in a long sleeved shirt and had dyed her hair brown . This is a death penalty case - will Arias become Arizona 's fourth woman on death row ? Posted by One of the most anticipated trials in recent memory is under way , and so far it 's lived up to the media hype . After 4 1 / 2 years of delays , changes in defense attorneys , alibi 's and accounts of what happened to murder victim Travis Alexander - the trial began on January 2 , 2013 to a packed courtroom in Phoenix , AZ . The State of Arizona vs . Jodi Arias promises to be full of real life drama . Much like the Casey Anthony case , the case is now being covered by shows such as " In Session " , " Jane Valez - Mitchell " and " Nancy Grace " . Travis Alexander was found murdered in the shower of his Mesa Arizona home on June 9 , 2008 . His body was discovered by close friends , who had become concerned when they couldn 't reach him for several days . He was supposed to leave for Cancun , Mexico on June 10 , 2008 . He was taking a young woman named Marie ( " Mimi " ) Hall . They were friends who met through their Mormon Church . Alexander 's friends were shocked and horrified when they found their friend - not only was he dead , he had been brutally murdered . Jurors have heard the 911 call made on that awful day . Travis Alexander was a 30 year old motivational speaker who worked for Pre Paid Legal . He was a published author and by all accounts a great guy who was always making people laugh . Friends immediately suspected Alexander 's ex - girlfriend , defendant Jodi Arias was involved and they gave police her information . Arias and Alexander met at a conference for Pre Paid Legal and had dated for only a few months , but maintained a physical relationship after they broke off their relationship . Prosecutor Juan Martinez played a recorded police interview with Jodi Arias for the jury . During the initial interview , Arias denied any involvement - telling police she hadn 't seen Alexander in several months . She tried to point the police towards one of Travis 's roommates early on . At this point , police hadn 't gotten the results of the evidence gathered at the crime scene and had no probable cause to arrest Arias . As the evidence soon revealed , Arias had been at the crime scene . She left a bloody palm print on a wall , her blood was found mixed with Travis 's and photos were recovered from a digital camera that provided police with a time / date stamped look at the crime unfolding . Jurors were shown three sets of photos , recovered by police technicians , although they had been deleted - presumably by Arias . The photos were so upsetting that the jurors asked for an extra day off . Defense attorney Jennifer Willmott is doing what defense attorneys do when faced with a mountain of physical During one interview , Arias stated steadfastly denied being anywhere near Mesa Arizona at the time of the murder , calling the crime " heinous " . The lies come easy to Arias . During a second interview , after evidence had revealed she was at the home , she adjusted her lies and told the interviewer that she and Travis had been attacked by two armed intruders . She claimed she narrowly escaped with her life but was too afraid to call police , fearing the intruders knew where she lived and would come for her . It wasn 't long before the photos came to light and Arias once again had to adjust her lies to fit the evidence that authorities had against her . The defense is now claiming that Arias did indeed kill Travis Alexander , but it was self defense . This is the defense of last resort . The " Hail Mary " defense is what I like to call it . It 's self defense or insanity . I think Arias is much too vain to want people to believe she was crazy - although Travis 's friends already thought she was ! Arias has been her own worse enemy in the case against her . I believe her own words will contribute to her conviction . Blaming the victim may also backfire on Willmott . It 's offensive . Jurors are smart enough to see through these ploys to paint Alexander as a dangerous man and Arias as a demure woman who was used by him for sex , but wasn 't considered " marriage material " . Arias has no credibility at this point . Why should we believe the story she 's telling now , after seeing how easily she has lied in the past ? This is one creepy woman . The tears she is shedding now may be real , she may truly be sorry for what she did . Hard to tell with a sociopath . Much has been said about 32 year old Jodi Arias , who is standing trial for the June 2008 murder of 30 year old Travis Alexander in a Phoenix , AZ courtroom . We are learning more about the actions and reactions of Arias in the months , weeks and days leading up to this murder . We 've seen clips of her " Inside Edition " interviews , taken while she was being held at the Estrella jail in Maricopa County , we are hearing bits and pieces of stories about the relationship between the victim and defendant from friends and family . Much has been made about Arias 's looks and " charm " - and the lies she has told law enforcement , family and friends . Spending a few hours online this morning , I 'm learning more about who Travis Alexander was . Aside from Arias 's defense attorney Jennifer Willmott , I 've yet to find or hear any negative comments about Travis Alexander . We know he was a devout Mormon , he worked for Pre Paid Legal and he 's been described by friends as a " funny guy " . In his brief life , he accomplished alot . He was born on July 28 , 1977 in Riverside to drug addicted and neglectful parents . He was ultimately raised by his grandparents who introduced him to the Mormon faith . After his high school graduation , he went on a two year Mormon mission in Denver , CO . He authored a book , entitled " Raised You " . He appears on the cover of Time magazine in a suit , the title " Alexander The Great " appears next to his photo . He was a motivational speaker , he had a blog - his entries are still online ( travisalexander . blogspot . com ) . His blog was titled " Travis Alexander 's Being Better Blog " . His last blog entry was on May 18 , 2008 - just weeks before being killed by ex - girlfriend Jodi Arias . In reading his blog entries , it seems clear that Travis had very high expectations of himself , spiritually , emotionally and financially . He was a good writer ! He speaks openly about becoming renowned for being single . Most of his friends were married and had children . This seems to be the direction Travis wanted his life to go in . He refers to his " solitary status " and being lonely . He goes on to talk about turning 30 years old and says : " around that time I realized it was time to adjust my priorities and date with marriage in mind " . That 's eerie . Jodi Arias 's comments can be found on many of his blog entries , so we know she was reading this . He writes " not to ask someone out on a date because I planned on marring them , but to date someone to look for the possibility of marriage with them " . And the most haunting of all entries , " desperately trying to find out if my date has an axe murderer penned up inside of her . . . " . Was he referring to his experiences with Arias ? He did believe her to be responsible for twice slashing his tires , breaking into his Facebook and e - mail accounts . " 2008 Affirmation " - Travis wrote " this year will be the best year of my life . This is the year that will eclipse all others . I will earn more , learn more , travel more , serve more , love more , give more and be more than all of the other years of my life combined . " Sadly , 2008 would be the last year of his life . Arias claims she killed Alexander in self defense , after he became enraged when she dropped his digital camera in the bathroom of his Mesa , AZ home . Although I have tried to keep an open mind about this case until all Did the blog topics about marriage and the trip to Cancun push her over the edge ? It 's not a stretch . I 've yet to find or hear anything negative about Travis Alexander . He overcame a tough childhood , until his grandparents took custody of him and his siblings . Instead of becoming a product of his early environment , he developed into a remarkable young man who had many many friends who loved him dearly . He accomplished so much . Coverage of the State of AZ vs . Jodi Arias begins on In Session on Monday , January 7 , 2013 . Posted by
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There is a slideshow of 161 photos associated with this crime / trial on the Huffington Post 's website . I have to tell you how graphic they are . We 've all heard the injuries to Travis Alexander described in detail during the court proceedings and prior to , but seeing them puts it in a whole other context . They are awful . It still stuns me that a person is capable of doing this to another person - let alone somebody they claim they love so dearly . I 'm not sure if the link below will work for you , but the slideshow is not hard to find . Just be warned . . . . there are several heartbreaking photos of the victim , left to decompose in the shower of his own home . Even if you are opposed to the death penalty , I understand why it exists - for cases where such cruelty and great pain was inflicted that no other punishment is great enough : Member 's of Travis Alexander 's family ran out of the courtroom in tears - not expecting to be shown the graphic photo of their brother during the cross examination of defense witness Lisa ( Andrews ) Diadone . Defense attorney Jennifer Willmott focused much of her questioning of the witness around a e - mail Diadone sent to Alexander after she became aware that he had lied to her about the nature of his relationship with Jodi Arias . The e - mail itself was not admissible ( hearsay ) , however Willmott highlighted the areas that seemed to show Alexander had lied to Lisa Diadone and cheated on her during their 7 - 8 month relationship . When it was time for the prosecutor to cross examine Diadone , Martinez tried to put the e - mail in it 's context - with Diadone confirming she had written it at a time when she was extremely upset with Alexander and admitting perhaps it was an unfair depiction of their true relationship . He brought the focus back to what this trial is about - physical abuse , asking her if he ever harmed her physically or acted aggressively towards her , and she said she was never afraid , threatened by or forced to do anything she didn 't want to do during their relationship . It became clear that he was more serious about the long term potential and possible future with Diadone ( then , Andrews ) in a way he wasn 't about Arias . I think this is the crux of the issue . Arias may have felt slighted by Travis Alexander - but the defense really didn 't score any points in my mind because Diadone was able to better explain that angry e - mail and put it into it 's proper context through the cross examination . Did the prosecution cross a line by throwing that graphic photo up on the screen , bringing Arias , Travis 's family and friends and many in the courtroom gallery on both sides to tears ? The State must have felt this was necessary , to show that during Lisa and Travis 's relationship , they had many of the problems Jodi and Travis had - the lying and cheating in particular , however - Diadone didn 't kill him , she reacted like most of the population does and broke off the relationship . I think Martinez wanted to drive that point home , and I think he felt the focus needed to remain on the brutal nature of this murder and not become an examination of Travis Alexander 's personal flaws . After all , he is no longer here to defend himself . Again , I know the defense is doing its ' best to set a theme here that Travis was misleading the Mormon community by claiming to be an honorable virgin while having premarital sex with Arias - but I think too much is being made of this point . There 's a big difference between lying to people about your virginity and being a domestic batterer . Let 's keep the focus where it should be . What matters here is can Willmott persuade the jury that Jodi Arias , after telling three versions of what happened felt at that moment that Travis Alexander was about to kill her for dropping his digital camera ? So far , nothing points to him as having a bad temper or being a bully . He may have been ashamed at the physical nature of his relationship with Arias , but let 's not forget that Arias herself converted to Mormonism too and was professing to her former boyfriend that she was now " saving herself for marriage " after they had had a long term relationship that included a sexual relationship . Although that graphic photo wasn 't shown on television , you could see Jennifer Willmott jumping up in protest of the photo calling it " irrelevant " , after which the attorneys on both sides were called to the judges chambers and outside of the presence of the jury , the courtroom gallery was reminded by Judge Sherry Stephens that they should not react audibly to the testimony or evidence that was being presented . Wow , it was quite a moment . Lisa Diadone helped the State more than they helped the defense , in my humble opinion . Testimony continues this morning - will Jodi Arias have to take the stand to tell her own story ? I don 't think the words of an expert witness are going to be enough to convince a jury that she was a battered woman or somebody who experienced post traumatic stress disorder . She is the only person who knows exactly what happened and how she felt . Problem is , she has little credibility after telling so many lies and the jury knows this . 25 year old Lisa ( Andrews ) Daidone , a former girlfriend of Travis Alexander took the stand today as the defense 's third witness in the Jodi Arias murder trial . Travis Alexander 's friends have talked about Lisa ( then ) Andrews and how serious Travis was about his relationship with her - some referring to her as " the love of his life " . We finally saw Lisa , and it was interesting to me that Jodi Arias seemingly couldn 't take her eyes off Lisa when she was testifying . This was one of Arias 's biggest obstacles in getting to Travis Alexander . Alexander was reportedly seeing both of them at the same time , giving some credit to Jennifer Willmott 's opening statement in which she referred to Jodi as Travis 's " dirty little secret " . Lisa is now married and goes by Lisa Daidone , and she seems like a lovely and genuine woman who 's testimony was honest . I liked her . Attorney Jennifer Willmott questioned this witness , and that seemed to be a good decision because she is more personable than Mr . Nurmi . She was very respectful of this witness - through the many objections from Prosecutor Juan Martinez who objected to many of the questions Willmott was asking . Lisa Daidone met Travis Alexander through their singles ward for the Mormon church and they dated from July , 2007 until late February , 2008 . Alexander was 10 years older than she was , and she described their on again off again relationship . It came out through her testimony that Travis Alexander was seeing Jodi Arias at the time he was supposed to be in a committed relationship with Lisa , and although he denied being romantically involved with Arias , one of his roommates eventually told Lisa of the relationship between Arias and Alexander . This led to trust issues and one of their breakups . We also learned that Travis Alexander was serious about Lisa Andrews " pretty fast " and he discussed marriage with her often . She felt she was too young , only 19 years old and this became one of the issues that would lead to another breakup . Willmott was able to get testimony out to the jury , through Lisa , about the frequency in which Alexander talked about sex and how she didn 't like the fact that he discussed it so much . Lisa Daidone believed in the Mormon views around sex before marriage and she thought Travis did as well . She stated that she was surprised to find out after his death that Travis wasn 't a virgin . Much of the testimony seemed to be following a e - mail that Daidone sent to Alexander . There have been so many sidebars throughout this morning 's testimony , but from what I can gather , Willmott was following along a lengthy e - mail Lisa sent to Travis which described many of the problems the two were having in their relationship . In the e - mail , she wrote that she was sick of hearing Travis talk about Jodi Arias , she felt he hadn 't been honest with her about his relationship with Arias - and how she felt that Alexander frequently needed his ego stroked , often wanting so many compliments from Daidone that it bothered her . He didn 't approve of the profession Lisa wanted to go into , teaching . He didn 't care about her problems , but wanted her to care alot about his . He didn 't come across too well during this testimony - but again , this was one e - mail that was sent . Again - this trial isn 't about whether or not Travis Alexander was a virgin , whether he was truthful , honest or respectful to the women in his life . It 's about his murder . Was he physically abusing Arias and about to kill her on June 4 , 2008 ? It will be interesting to see how the prosecutor handles his cross examination of this witness . His style and aggressive mannerism shouldn 't matter , but it can be annoying to the jury if he consistently attacks everyone who takes the stand . Especially this woman . I 'm sure she doesn 't want to say anything to hurt Travis Alexander - she loved him and she seems genuine and honest . She has to be conflicted being called to testify about somebody she cared a great deal about . One thing I took away from her testimony so far is this : Travis lied to her and apparently cheated on her too . But she didn 't KILL him , she broke off the relationship , like normal people do . If being lied to and cheated on was justification for homicide , I 'd estimate 50 % of the population could be at risk . It 's not pretty , but we are human and nobody 's perfect . Hopefully Martinez will question Diadone in a respectful and non confrontational way , and bring the focus back to the facts . Was Diadone afraid of Travis ? Was he ever rough with her ? Did he ever act in a physical or threatening manner ? These are pertinent questions . Sure , the victim in this case may not have been as honorable as his family and friends believed he was . But everybody has their secrets . I don 't believe being a cheater and liar makes you fair game for a brutal rage killing . Willmott will continue her questioning of this witness after the afternoon lunch break . Fireworks erupted in the Phoenix , Arizona courtroom yesterday as Jodi Arias 's attorneys made claims of " prosecutorial misconduct " . The scope of their claims are a mystery at this point , but their was an oddball witness named Gus Searcy called to the stand who sparred with Prosecutor Juan Martinez - twice he corrected Martinez 's use of the English language which seemed to further infuriate Martinez . Searcy repeatedly pointed out that Martinez 's questions contained " double negatives " , and he seemed to take pleasure in poking at the prosecutor . I hope Jodi Arias was paying attention ! She got a preview of the fury she faces if she is brazen enough to take the stand and lie under oath . Nobody really knows what this alleged prosecutorial misconduct is all about . All I could make of Gus Searcy 's trip to the witness stand is that he seems to be an arrogant man , who smiled and seemingly laughed at Prosecutor Martinez 's questions - not wanting to answer directly , rather he seemed to want to control the questioning , prompting Martinez to tell him " you don 't get to ask the questions here " ! Searcy was defiant at times and seemed pre - occupied with his cellphone ? I believe Searcy also works for Pre Paid Legal or he works closely with them and that is how he became involved with the Arias case . Apparently Searcy had attempted to contact the prosecutor 's office at some point over the last 4 1 / 2 years and was not called back . This is what was reported yesterday , although that would not seem to constitute misconduct unless Searcy had some type of exculpatory evidence that would help Jodi Arias and the State knowingly witheld that information from the defense . The defense team seems to be grasping at straws here . They 've made motions for dismissal and mistrials , both of which were denied . The various news outlets covering the courtroom activity yesterday streamed headlines that seemed to imply there was a witness who had information that could either be very good for Arias or very bad for Arias . Very confusing . The misconduct issues will continue today . Yesterday , Nancy Grace reported that Jodi Arias tried to get a plea deal with the State of Arizona , offering to plead guilty to 2nd degree murder in exchange for a " light " sentence . I believe 2nd degree murder would only carry a sentence of 10 - 25 years in prison , the State declined to take her plea . I don 't know the timing of this reported plea offer by he defense , it wasn 't clear by the information being reported yesterday . Nancy Grace is in Arizona reporting for her show on HLN . She toured the Estrella Jail facility where Arias has been held since her arrest in July , 2008 . She spoke to some of the women who are in Arias 's " pod " , and many of those people reportedly believe Arias 's claims of self defense . The question on everyone 's mind is will Jodi Arias take the stand ? I 'm sure Nancy Grace wants to be in that courtroom when the verdict is handed down ! Expect it to be raining " bombshells " on verdict day with Nancy Grace in the house . . . . . . The Jodi Arias murder trial is scheduled to resume on Tuesday , January 29 2013 , 12 days after Prosecutor Juan Martinez and the State of Arizona stood before the jury and rested their case . The State put on several key witnesses during their case in chief , putting the pieces of a complex puzzle together for jurors to see . Did they prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Jodi Arias planned this murder ? I guess that will depend on the jury 's understanding of the word " reasonable " . A jury in Florida famously seemed to confuse " reasonable doubt " with " no doubt at all " , letting Casey Anthony walk away from the more serious charges against her . I 'm no lawyer , but since when does NOT reporting your child missing ( or dead / drowned ) for 31 days NOT equal aggravated child abuse or neglect ? ? Anyway , that was a different time , place and case . Despite the comparisons being drawn between Casey Anthony and Jodi Arias , the only thing these two have in common is the ability to lie , and to stick with the lie until the lie no longer holds water . Then they shift to a NEW lie , and so on and so forth . The Florida jury didn 't have the benefit of knowing for certain how little Caylee Anthony died , or if she was killed . This is a VERY different set of circumstances . Jodi Arias killed Travis Alexander on June 4 , 2008 . She has conceded as much , but not admitting it because it was the right thing to do , or because it weighed heavily on her conscious - she only admitted to it when she knew the police had recovered the photos , and she left a bloody palm print . Then , and ONLY then , she admitted to being there . But guess what , she still didn 't tell the truth . The second story was far more outrageous than her outright denial of being there in story # 1 . Did she really think anyone was going to believe the story of two masked intruders ? Watching her police interrogation , you could actually see her pausing to think up the next lie . Kudos to Detective Flores for trying to keep Arias 's rants on topic . People with something to hide tend to ramble , and JodiHow will Willmott & Co . handle the damage control ? It 's got to be difficult to defend a client who has lied so many times and told so many stories . I think the self defense story is just as ludicrous as story # 2 , the masked intruder story . All that 's missing now is a one - armed man . . . . . Many people , myself included were surprised at the sudden resting of the prosecution 's case , but they must have their reasons for the timing . According to some reports , there was a lot more evidence the jury could 've heard , including the report that Arias was allegedly seen packing up her car and it appeared she was going to bolt . There were also some very interesting diary entries . Perhaps these things will come out during the State 's rebuttal case . The defense 's witness list includes a former boyfriend of Jodi Arias from California , two of Travis Alexander 's friends who the defense alleges he was dating at the same time as he was dating Jodi Arias ( so , is that a crime ? ) , a local psychologist and expert on sexual violence cases named Richard Samuels , Kimberly Ross - one of Jodi Arias 's former " cellies " and Jodi Arias herself appears on the witness list . Will she take the stand ? It appears the defense will do their best to paint Travis Alexander as a womanizer , a man who was leading a " double life " and kept the helpless Arias as his " dirty little secret " while presenting himself as a devout Mormon and inspirational man of integrity . They want to make him look as bad as possible , without outright attacking him as juries historically don 't like it when a defense attorney blames the victim for their own murder . Do they stand a chance ? If the jury sticks to the known facts of this case , I don 't believe they do . In my eyes , it comes down to this : Jodi Arias claims Travis Alexander became enraged at her when she dropped his new digital camera . He was in the shower , naked - and supposedly " lunged " at her . Had that happened , I believe Arias had every opportunity to simply run away ! Would a naked man run out into the street of his own neighborhood to chase her down ? Even IF he lunged at her , and he managed to get to her - she just happened to have a knife handy to protect herself in that bathroom ? Are we really supposed to believe it happened this way ? If she had to retrieve the knife from her purse or luggage , that took time - time she SHOULD ' VE used to run away , not murder him ! I just don 't see any way the self defense claim rings true . She either had the knife on her person while taking those shower pictures , or she had it in her purse . If she had to leave the bathroom , in fear for her life to get to that knife , than in my opinion she had ample time to remove herself from the situation by leaving . The only other option is that she had the knife ON her when taking the shower photos . Looking at the time stamps on the recovered photos , that seems to be the most likely scenario . Either way , she murdered him . People actually do manage to defend themselves when they are truly in danger without hacking the person to death . Even if you give her the benefit of doubt and believe her claim , one stab to the arm or leg would 've enabled her to get away from him . There was no need to stab him 28 times , slit What a tragic story this is . Sure , maybe Travis Alexander wasn 't as perfect as friends and family believed he was . He was HUMAN after all . I 'm sure he made many mistakes , who hasn 't ? He may have dated more than one woman at a time , he had sex with Jodi Arias who wasn 't his wife - did he deserve to die for these things ? Absolutely not . I obviously didn 't know Travis Alexander or Jodi Arias . But everything I 've read or heard about him tells me he was a good man , an inspirational and generous man . He was generous with his time , his home , he really wanted to help other people . He seemed to be larger than life . Despite a really bad childhood that included drug addicted parents , he accomplished so much during his brief life . I have to say that I think I would 've really liked Travis Alexander . I pray for justice for him , for the sake of the many friends and family members who loved him and will miss him every day for the rest of their lives . Trial coverage resumes on In Session next Tuesday . The defense has had 12 days to think about how to best defend their client . Do you think the State has proved their case beyond a reasonable doubt ? Please let me know your thoughts ! Posted by Jodi Arias Artwork Selling on eBay ? Just when you think the Jodi Arias murder trial couldn 't get any weirder , the " ick " factor goes up another notch . ABC News is reporting that Arias 's jailhouse artwork is up for sale on eBay ! Arias currently is being held on a $ 2 , 000 , 000 bond in the Estrella jail in Maricopa County , where she has been since her arrest on July 15 , 2008 . According to published reports , Arias has two sketches up for sale with the online auction site eBay . The sketches were done using colored pencils , one is of Grace Kelly and the other is an unknown female ( jailhouse model ? ? ) . The same report states that any / all proceeds will be used for Jodi Arias 's family 's travel expenses during her trial . The trial began on January 2 , 2013 , and many people were surprised when Prosecutor Juan Martinez stood and told the court that the State rested their case last week . There were several additional prosecution witnesses scheduled to testify this week . The trial is set to resume on January 29th , when the defense will put on their case . They are expected to call " experts " on domestic violence and / or battered women , but many believe Jodi Arias herself will have to take the stand to explain her " self defense " defense ! Had " self defense " been her story from day one , this may be an easier sell for Arias . However , since " self defense " was her THIRD account of what happened on June 4 , 2008 , she has some explaining to do . Her first statement simply was " I wasn 't there " , " I wasn 't anywhere near Mesa or Phoenix " and " I didn 't hurt Travis " . She went as far as to tell Detective Esteban Flores " IF I had done this to Travis , I 'd BEG for the death penalty ! " . Wow . They couldn 't write a script to match the drama of this case . There is a mountain of physical evidence against Arias . With that being said , Arias herself has been her worst enemy . She has given many interviews in her jailhouse stripes , the first of which she denies any involvement in Travis Alexander 's death . " I am innocent " , " I would never hurt Travis " - she goes as far as to call the killing " heinous " . In another interview , after being confronted with the evidence that she WAS there , she changed her story to " two masked / armed intruders " came in and killed Travis . She said that she barely escaped with her life . Why didn 't she immediately call the authorities ? After all , she claims that Travis was still alive when she " got away " . The masked intruders had pulled out her driver 's license and knew where she lived . They threatened to kill or harm her family . Did she really think a jury will buy this ? I think the self defense ( or as I call it , her " hail Mary " defense ) claim came after she obtained a decent attorney who brought her back to the planet Earth and she finally realized the charges she was facing . I think Arias is used to using her looks and her soft spoken mannerisms to make people believe what she is saying . This is different - this is murder , and she faces the death penalty . Prosecutor Juan Martinez sent Wendy Aronson to death row in 2004 for murdering her terminally ill husband Joe . He knows what he 's doing , and he is not charmed by Arias . You cannot judge a book by it 's cover . Just because Arias may not look like a killer doesn 't mean she isn 't one . Arias tells Detective Flores during one of their taped interviews that " all of her ex - boyfriends are still alive " ! Wow . What does that prove ? She seemed to come very close to confessing during one of those interviews , saying " what IF I did this . . . . . . " . The old hypothetical . She ultimately retreated to her state of denial . I think Detective Flores was brilliant in his interviews with this serial - liar . He was patient but firm - he didn 't bully her , he didn 't interrupt her - he let her talk , and talk and talk and talk . He let her paint herself right into a corner . So many times you see law enforcement talk over the person they are questioning . They ask a question , and then interrupt when they start talking . Flores didn 't do that . He kept his calm demeanor , all the while letting Arias know that the jig was up . He KNEW she was there - he KNEW she did this to Travis Alexander and he wasn 't having any more of her lies . I don 't have any experience in law enforcement whatsoever , but I thought he did a great job with Arias . So now with this gaping break between the State 's case and the defense case , what 's happening ? I 'm trying to not read too much into the State 's sudden resting of their case , or the break between the prosecution and the defense case . Ultimately , the state will have the last word . The jury will be properly instructed by the judge and the jurors will be left with the facts presented in the courtroom . Who has credibility and who doesn 't ? How much weight should be given to the testimony of a person who has lied repeatedly IF she takes the stand ? Do you believe placing her hand on the Bible and swearing to tell the truth , the whole truth and nothing but the truth will compel this defendant to TELL THE TRUTH ? ? I 'm not so sure . Since Jodi Arias hasn 't been convicted of a crime ( yet ) , I don 't believe she 's breaking any laws by selling her " artwork " , although it 's probably poor taste to buy it . I personally don 't believe murderers should profit from their notoriety - ever . But what do I know ? The one ( non - Grace Kelly ) sketch I saw on the ABC news story online actually wasn 't bad - but why do so many people seek out the artwork of murderers ? I know , I know - Jodi Arias has not been convicted of any crime . But do you honestly think her sketches would be fetching " hundreds of dollars " on eBay had it NOT been for her incarceration or her trial ? I don 't think so . We know that Charles Manson has fashioned " spiders " out of human hair . People serving life have a lot of time on their hands . I don 't mean to sound insensitive to Jodi Arias 's family . I 've seen her mother in the courtroom , and this has to be hell for her . This is her daughter . She 's had to sit through some pretty bad stuff . Horrific crime scene photos , the accidental photos and the infamous nude photos recovered from Travis Alexander 's new digital camera . Her daughter has admitted to killing him . Looking at the aftermath of that June 4 , 2008 evening has to be surreal to her family . They may not have the money to handle the expenses of traveling to Arizona for a prolonged trial . I do feel for them . I just don 't feel for Jodi Arias . Had she been honest about what happened - maybe I could feel something for her , a little bit of empathy ? But given the fact that she hasn 't told the truth - and I don 't believe she is telling the truth now with the self defense , I have no sympathy for her . Not only did she physically kill this man , she is now dragging his name through the mud when he isn 't around to defend himself . That 's what Juan Martinez has to do for him . I don 't know who or how her sketches are being sold outside of the jail system - somebody is facilitating these auction items . I 'm sure Jodi has many " supporters " outside of the courtroom who are willing to help her . I just think it 's in poor taste given what she allegedly did to another human being . Thank God for the photos , and thank God for technology and the Mesa police department . Had it not been for the recovered photos , people may have had a difficult time believing such a petite and soft spoken woman would be capable of such a brutal murder of a man who was much bigger than she is . The photos say a lot . There are no weapons visible in the shower photos of Travis Alexander . No weapons on the sink or near the basin - had Travis Alexander been the aggressor in this fight , wouldn 't Jodi Arias have had some marks , bruises or other defensive wounds on her person ? She had some cuts on her hand - we all know that this is common when somebody attacks another person with a knife . The knife becomes slippery with blood , and the person holding the knife ultimately cuts themselves with their own weapon . At least two people saw Jodi Arias the day after this murder - neither of them report her having any bruises , scratches or any other defensive wounds to her person . Just the cuts . She even lied about the cuts - telling those who noticed that she cut herself on a broken glass while working at Margaritaville . FYI , there IS NO Margarittaville in Yreka , CA where she lived and they have no record of her ever being employed there in any of their REAL locations . So I 'll leave you with this . IF a person feels the need to lie about the little things , do you really think she 'd have a moral issue lying about the BIG things that matter , like murder ? IF you were really a victim of domestic violence , or had gotten into a physical confrontation with someone you were close to , how could you NOT tell somebody what you just went through ? Would you be able to go on with your plans and act as if nothing had ever happened ? How could you hold in the hurt and the trauma of what happened ? Wouldn 't you want someone to know the truth ? There would be no reason to lie . There would certainly be no reason to lie twice ! But now , we are expected to believe the latest story because she is telling this story in a court of law ? Good luck - Jennifer Willmott & team , you have a tough sell ahead of you . I don 't believe there are enough expert witnesses out there to change my mind about what happened to Travis Alexander , and why . And I won 't be bidding a red cent for an Arias original sketch either ! ! Many court watchers , myself included were surprised yesterday when prosecutor Juan Martinez stood up and rested its case in chief against murder defendant Jodi Arias . According to reports , there were many more witnesses that were on the witness list , going into next week . This happens frequently and isn 't necessarily a sign of anything . I really don 't think anybody expected the State to rest after hearing the testimony of Arias ( and Alexander ) friend Leslie Udy . If the State wanted to go out with a " bang " , many feel they missed their mark ! Although Udy was called as a prosecution witness and did provide a first person insight into how Arias behaved in the days that followed this brutal murder , she also bolstered the defense 's portrayal of Jodi Arias as a " soft spoken & amp ; kind " person . How much weight will this have on the jury 's perception of her ? The State must have strategic reasons for ending their case in this manner . Much has also been made about the questions jurors have been asking in open court . They have asked about the recovery of the weapons used to kill Travis Alexander , they have asked about the alibis of Alexander 's roommates and about fingerprint and other forensic evidence that was or was not done within that crime scene . These questions have been a topic of discussion on Jane Valez - Mitchell 's and Nancy Grace 's shows - both of which have been reporting on this trial from the start . I think the jury is just being thorough . The questions they are asking seemingly have nothing to do with what we already know - after all , Arias has ( finally ! ) conceded that she killed Travis Alexander . It 's not a question of " who " , but " why " . With that in mind , why would it matter if the crime scene technicians checked prints and alibi 's of the roommates ? They did - however , it really makes one wonder what the jury is thinking . They now have nearly 12 days to ponder the State 's evidence before returning to hear the defense case . The number one question on everyone 's mind , will Jodi Arias take the stand ? If she does take the stand , how much weight will be given to her version of events given the fact that the jury has viewed hours of Arias interviews with Detective Flores in which she piles lie upon lie ? How are we to believe anything she says when we 've seen her lie repeatedly ? Just because she swears to tell the truth , the whole truth and nothing but the truth - why would she ? Jodi Arias has dug herself into a huge hole . I 've tried to keep an open mind with this case , but thus far I haven 't heard anything that would make me believe this was a case of self defense . Under the law , even if you BELIEVE she feared for her life in that moment in the bathroom , she is ONLY lawfully able to respond with LIKE force . If Travis did " lunge " at her , she cannot stab him 28 + times , she cannot slit his throat and shoot him ! She can only use enough force necessary to escape the perceived threat . Not one person , even Arias herself has ever said anything about Travis Alexander being abusive , violent or threatening . Just the opposite . Much has been made about Travis living a " double life " and keeping Arias as his " dirty little secret " . EVEN IF that is somewhat true , that doesn 't justify this homicide . SHE brought the knife and gun into that home . SHE killed him . Hearing her tell Detective Flores that IF she had it in her to kill Travis , she would 've done it in a more " humane " fashion has to infuriate Travis 's family and friends . This was anything but humane . He suffered - the medical examiner testified that death wasn 't immediate for him . I can 't imagine what he went through in his final moments . Judging by her lack of injuries , this was in NO way a fair fight . She had the upper hand by bringing those weapons in , and using them on a defenseless man who was just taking a shower . She lulled him into a false sense of security by having sex with him , and under the rouse of taking pictures of him in the shower , she attacked him when he was most vulnerable . This is despicable . Don 't feel sorry for Jodi Arias . She is not the victim here . What is going to happen when the defense presents their case ? What do the jury questions say about their thoughts on the State 's case ? I believe that ultimately the jurors will come back to the facts in this case . She admitted to killing him - but only when she could no longer deny it . She tried to sell another story that put her at the crime scene , but pointed at two masked intruders as the culprits . What battered woman would do this ? I think too much is made about her mental state and the simple facts are overlooked . It 's just hard for people to believe that a petite , nice looking well spoken WOMAN could be responsible for such a horrific murder . " There must be a reason " . . . . there was a reason - jealousy . Pure and simple . I truly believe that Jodi Arias , knowing how persuasive Travis Alexander is - he courted her for several months , may fall in love with Marie Hall on that Cancun trip . Even if Hall stated that she wasn 't interested in Travis Alexander romantically , and she told him as much - Arias didn 't know that ! She probably pictured the two of them , falling in love - she knows how charming her ex boyfriend can be . She could not stand the thought that she may be replaced by another woman . This is what the timing of the murder tells me . She couldn 't and wouldn 't take that chance . I really believe it 's that simple . Travis Alexander was pulling away from Jodi Arias . He appears to have been thinking a lot about his life , and getting married and having a family . She wasn 't part of his master plan . I 've heard her talking about " her faith " , meaning her Mormon faith . She wasn 't raised Mormon ! This is something she did for Travis . She believed this would bring them together , perhaps making her " wife material " ? Sure , Travis was carrying on an intimate relationship in direct conflict with the Mormon beliefs he was raised with . He may have kept that part of his life secret - maybe he was ashamed . He wasn 't living the life he wanted to live . Did he deserve to die for his indiscretion ? No , he didn 't . Perhaps Travis Alexander wasn 't as perfect as friends have portrayed him to be . None of us are . But from all accounts , he was an inspirational person who helped and touched many many people . That 's what you hear about Travis from the people who knew him . He was larger than life . She wasn 't . She may have felt used and betrayed . I think we can all understand those emotions . We have probably all felt similarly in our lives . That does not give her a pass on murder ! Many have compared Jodi Arias to Casey Anthony , and have drawn comparisons between the two woman and the two trials . They both were caught lying in very public manners . But that 's where the similarity ends . Casey Anthony ended up walking on all serious charges against her . The prosecution couldn 't say how little Caylee died , so it 's understandable that they had some concerns about putting Casey away for life with so many pieces of the puzzle missing . Sure , I believe Casey Anthony lied right up until the end of her trial . She is the only person alive who knows what really happened to her daughter . It 's unbelievable that she would put her family and the entire country through what she did . All of the resources that were wasted during the many searches for Caylee could 've been better spent on a child that was really missing . She will have to live with the truth for the rest of her life . But this is a whole different case . The jury knows how Travis Alexander died , they know when he died . They have seen pictures of him moments before and moments after he died . They know Jodi Arias was the only person there . They know she has admitted to killing him . The only thing in question is " why " ? Look at who had the weapons . Look at how the weapons got to his home . Ask yourself why she would carry a knife into the bathroom . I hope the jury will remained focused on the why and not the who . Thankfully , the State will ultimately have the last word in that courtroom before the jury gets the case . They will have the opportunity to bring this all back into focus after the defense puts on their case . It will be fascinating to see if Arias herself takes the stand . Will the jury believe her ? How will the defense explain away all of the lies , the manner in which Arias tried to conceal her trip to Mesa ? Why wouldn 't she simply claim self defense right after this happened ? Why call the victim 's cellphone and leave him voice mails when she knew damned well he was dead ? She went to great lengths to distance herself from the scene . Thankfully she underestimated the Mesa Police Department and the technicians who were able to bring the deleted photos back to light . Had it not been for the photos , this would 've been a tougher case to prove . Court resumes on January 29th , when the defense will put on their case . Will they have anybody other than " experts " on battered women ? During Arias 's interrogations , she NOT ONCE talks about being abused or afraid of Travis Alexander . She describes them as best friends . She told the same thing to her friends and family . I expect the experts to claim that this is common behavior of a battered woman , keeping the abuse secret . It may come down to credibility . Arias has none . Posted by Wow - the State of Arizona just rested it 's case this morning in the Jodi Arias Murder Trial after calling the " Custodian of Records " from Sprint phone company , Detective Esteban Flores and Leslie Udy , a friend of Arias who saw her on June 5 , 2008 in Utah . The Sprint representative explained phone records , but Leslie Udy provided a look into how Jodi Arias behaved when she saw her the day after Travis Alexander was killed . Leslie Udy met Jodi Arias at a Pre Paid Legal conference in June of 2007 , and they continued to keep in touch . Udy stated that when she saw Jodi Arias on June 5 , 2008 " she was Jodi " , nothing seemed out of the ordinary . Arias told her that Travis Alexander had invited her to stop in Mesa on her way to Utah , but she declined in part to put some distance between them . She further stated that although they were no longer together , they were " best friends " . I was fairly surprised when Prosecutor Juan Martinez rested his case this morning . It seemed sudden . They have put on a ton of evidence in the case already , still it seemed sudden . The judge instructed the jury that they would not be required to come back to court for an extended period of time , I believe she said January 29th ? The defense is arguing for the dismissal of some charges at the moment . I believe they are arguing about the first degree murder charge specifically . There are numerous problems with the self defense claim by Arias . As we have seen by the layout of Travis Alexander 's home , it was a fairly large master suite they were in during the June 4 , 2008 visit . They took nude photos of each other , Jodi Arias took photos of Travis Alexander while he was in the shower . He appeared to be in a relaxed state . What the recovered photos show me is that he was completely unaware of what was about to happen to him . He was posing for the camera . There are no weapons showing in the shower or bathroom photos - Travis Alexander did not have ANY weapons with him . This means that Jodi Arias HAD TO HAVE taken a knife into that master bathroom with her . She had to have gone presumably into the other room , perhaps in her purse - and get that knife . There is no evidence that the knife came from the crime scene , she brought it with her . Had he " lunged " at her as she has alleged - that would put him OUT of the shower . The State believes he was stabbed inside the shower , at least initially . The attack appears to have moved into other areas of the bathroom , but it began while he was in the shower . Defenseless . I believe she caught him completely off guard and he probably was so shocked at what was happening that he had no time to react . He had defensive wounds to his hands , he was stabbed in the back and head . All evidence points to Arias as being the absolute aggressor in this case . Jodi Arias has lied from the very start . She stuck to the " I wasn 't there , I didn 't do it " story right up until the time that Detective Flores put the recovered photos in front of her . Even then , she says " that LOOKS like me " . She also asserts that photos can be " altered " and that she doesn 't trust date and time stamps . ONLY WHEN she couldn 't deny that she wasn 't there did she change her story . And even then she didn 't tell the truth . She simply altered the story to fit the evidence she believed the police had against her . Deny deny deny . Detective Flores never believed the first or second stories she told him . During the second police interview shown from July 16 , 2008 ( the day after her arrest ) , Arias is still lying and won 't tell him the truth . She tries to sell a story that two masked / armed intruders came into the home and killed Travis and threatened to do the same to her . This was her opportunity to tell the police that she was abused and acted in self defense ! If it had truly been self defense , why would she make up these stories ? Wouldn 't it have been easier to just tell the truth ? I believe if the police hadn 't been able to recover those deleted photos , she may never have admitted to anything ! There hasn 't been a single person the defense could call to the stand to verify Arias 's claims of abuse at the hands of Travis Alexander . The defense hasn 't put on their case yet , but I expect the only witnesses they will call will be " expert witnesses " to testify about the way a " battered woman " would act . It will be interesting to see what the defense tries to do when they put on their case in chief when the trial resumes . Prosecutor Juan Martinez secured a first degree murder conviction with the death penalty attached just about 8 years ago when he prosecuted Wendi Andriano in 2004 for the murder of her terminally ill husband Joe . Andriano also claimed she killed her in self defense . Her husband was terminally ill , yet she tried to poison him with sodium azide , and when that didn 't do the trick she struck him more than 20 times with a bar stool before stabbing him . She is sitting on death row in Arizona , and Juan Martinez put her there . My , my , my ! The Jodi Arias murder trial continued yesterday and oh my - the lies just get more outlandish every time Jodi Arias opens her mouth . Yesterday , the jury was shown parts of the 7 / 15 / 08 and 7 / 16 / 08 police interviews / interrogations between Arias and Detective Esteban Flores . Knowing what we now know about what Jodi Arias 's role was in this senseless and brutal murder , it 's just unreal to watch and listen to what she initially tells Detective Flores during those two interviews following her 7 / 15 / 08 arrest in Yreka , CA . I think Detective Flores did an outstanding job with these interviews with Arias . One of my biggest pet peeves is that often times during these interviews , the detectives interrupt the perpetrator or don 't allow them to fully answer a question before moving on to the next question . This doesn 't appear to happen here , and Detective Flores just lets Arias talk , and talk , and talk ! If Arias doesn 't end up taking the stand , the jury will have at least had an opportunity to view these interrogations and see how easily she seems to formulate her stories and lies . During the 7 / 15 / 08 interview , Arias sticks to her story " I wasn 't there " , even when Flores states that he has proof she was . You can almost see the wheels turning in Arias 's head at those points - I really don 't think she believed she would be suspected or caught for this murder . As she tries to explain away things that Detective Flores confronts her with , such as the pictures recovered from the digital camera - it 's almost as if she truly believes if she adds just one more tidbit of information or another detail that her story will be believed . Flores doesn 't give an inch - he is calm and very confident . Story / Version # 2 is given by Arias during the 7 / 16 / 08 interview , where she concedes that she WAS there , but they were both attacked by two armed intruders . She gives small details to Flores , about what the " intruders " said to her and even to one another . Her story is so unbelievable - she clearly didn 't think this through when she fabricated story # 2 ! It makes absolutely no sense that these two intruders would come into the house , kill Travis Alexander and let a eyewitness walk away . It 's also unbelievable that HAD that really happened , SHE WOULD ' VE DIALED 911 ! Is it reasonable to believe she could really just walk away from the scene she described , in which she claims Travis Alexander was still alive when they let her go ? Lame story . My thoughts are this : how is a jury going to believe anything that Arias says after seeing and hearing the numerous lies and stories she has been telling law enforcement officials throughout these interviews ? Credibility is the one asset that a defendant MUST have , and she clearly has blown hers out of the water . Her lies don 't even make sense , they are self serving and I think the jury will see through the " self defense " claim . Wow , the prosecution has done an excellent job putting forth this evidence in a clear and concise manner . There is so much physical and forensic evidence against Arias , the defense has to be reeling at this point . As an average citizen , I personally don 't feel that Jodi Arias acted in self defense - rather , this was a rageful , spiteful , callous execution . She couldn 't stand the though of Travis Alexander moving on in his life without her in the picture . The 6 / 10 / 08 Cancun trip may have pushed her over the edge - here they are , taking pictures of one another with the brand new camera he purchased - possibly to take on the Cancun trip , and he was taking another woman . She snapped . She would 've been much better off just telling the truth from the beginning . I think people would be more compassionate for somebody who " snapped " and did something they really regretted , IF they took responsibility for the crime right away . She did the opposite . She lied and tried to cover her trail . She is probably kicking herself in the a @@ for leaving that digital camera behind . . . . the weapons have not been recovered , but if the police didn 't have that camera , she may have been able to weave a little more elaborate web of lies . It certainly would 've left more room for " reasonable doubt " if not for the photos , but those photos tell the truth for Travis Alexander . Prosecutor Juan Martinez has been able to show the jury , through the phone records that somebody used Travis Alexander 's phone for approximately 16 minutes AFTER the time he was presumably dead . The photo evidence shows that he was more than likely dead around 5 : 32PM on June 4 , 2008 . The records show that later that evening , well after 5 : 32PM , someone accessed his phone for nearly 16 minutes . The most likely scenario is Jodi Arias taking the time at the crime scene to listen to Travis 's voice mails . Wow . How does the defense recover from this type of phone activity and testimony ? What explanation can they come up with to counter this ? Further , the phone records show that two calls were made from Travis Alexander 's phone to Jodi Arias 's cell phone after the time of his death . Was she trying to further bolster her alibi ? The defense is going to have a hard time explaining these details . Defense attorney Jennifer Willmott looks a little bewildered as she hears these details . This would seem to support the " stalker " mentality of Jodi Arias . She remained at the crime scene long enough to clean herself up , wash off Travis Alexander 's body and " stage " the scene with him stuffed into the shower - and then she took the time to call his voicemail and listen to his messages ? Do these sound like the actions of a woman who killed only in " self defense " ? If I 'm a juror , my thoughts would be NO ! ! I don 't envy the defense in this case . If there are two calls from Alexander 's phone to Arias 's phone AFTER the time he was known to be dead - who else could 've made those calls , and WHY ? Wow . Thank God for technology ! 30 year old Travis Alexander was found dead in the shower of his Mesa , AZ home on June 9 , 2008 . He had been stabbed more than 27 times , had his throat slit and had been shot in the face . Evidence recovered from the crime scene included a bloody palm print of Jodi Arias , as well as several photos that had been previously deleted from the victim 's digital camera that placed Arias at the scene on the day police believe he was killed - June 4 , 2008 . Photos that were taken , and later deleted ( presumably by Arias ) captured Alexander and Arias in various states of undress and they appeared to have been having consensual sex during that visit . The recovered photos also depict some photos of Travis Alexander that were taken in his shower , while he was alive - followed by pictures that would seem to represent a fierce struggle between the two . Finally , photos of a dead or dying Alexander were captured , then deleted . It is unknown if Arias meant to take those final pictures . The recovered photos have been essential in breaking down Arias 's previous lies to police - she denied seeing Travis in several months , then claimed 2 armed intruders killed him . When the overwhelming forensic evidence started coming back proving she was there , she adjusted her story and claimed she killed him in self defense . Just to recap - my understanding of self defense is , that you defend yourself with enough force to escape the immediate danger . This killing involved the victim being stabbed 27 - 29 times , several of those stab wounds were to his back , his throat was slit from ear to ear before finally being shot in the face with a . 25 caliber gun . Coincidentally , Arias 's grandparents - where she was living in Yreka , CA reported a break - in at their home on 5 / 28 / 08 where a . 25 caliber gun was " stolen " . The prosecution has alleged Arias took the gun with the intent of using it on Travis . Alexander was set to leave on a Cancun , Mexico vacation with friend Marie " Mimi " Hall on June 10 , 2008 . When she hadn 't heard from Travis in several days , friends went to his house to see if he was alright . How horrifying to walk into that bloody crime scene where Travis 's body lay for 5 days . Nobody should have to see things like that . Arias 's demeanor in court has been somewhat subdued - she seems to cry at the appropriate moments . It 's hard to tell if she is really upset , seeing what she ultimately did to this man that she loved or if she is crying for her potential death sentence she faces if convicted . Maybe it 's a little of both ? She has been taking notes and sharing them with her attorney Jennifer Willmott throughout the testimony of the Yreka police officer . Perhaps she 's offering insight into things that are being alleged ? Who knows for sure . What we do know is that she FINALLY , when backed into a corner of physical and forensic evidence admitted to killing Travis Alexander . I don 't believe this was a case of self defense , as the defense has alluded . This was a rageful and out of control blitz attack on Travis Alexander . I don 't think Arias could handle the fact that Travis chose to take another woman on the Cancun trip - a respectable woman from the Mormon church . She was not going to let that trip happen ! Just my humble opinion . Testimony continued this morning in the Jodi Arias murder trial . This morning , the jury has heard testimony from Officer Kevin Friedman from the Yreka Police Department in regards to a reported burglary on 5 / 28 / 08 at the home of Jodi Arias 's grandparents home - where she was living at the time . Among the few items reportedly stolen from the home was a . 25 caliber handgun , the same caliber used to shoot Travis Alexander in the face on 6 / 4 / 08 . Jurors viewed photos of Arias 's grandparents home and heard from Officer Friedman on the items that were reportedly taken : the handgun , $ 30 in cash and a DVD player were taken . Just as importantly , Prosecutor Juan Martinez pointed to items that weren 't taken , such as the television , Arias 's laptop , and stacks of quarters were located immediately above the cabinet where the 25 caliber gun was taken . Other guns remained untouched in the home . The prosecution is trying to show the link between the reported burglary of this gun and suggest this was the gun used to shoot 30 year old Alexander in his Mesa Arizona home on 6 / 4 / 08 . This would go a long way to show Arias 's intents on that fateful night . Arias 's credibility has been greatly damaged due to the many stories , outright lies and inconsistencies she has given about these events in a very public fashion . She gave at least 2 interviews while being held on $ 2MM bail at the Estrella Jail in Maricopa County where she first denied seeing Travis Alexander for several months prior to his murder , then changed her story to say that 2 armed intruders came into the home and attacked them both - she was able to escape unharmed but never reported the attack on Alexander to police . Finally , when confronted with indisputable evidence that she was in the house on 6 / 4 / 08 , she confessed to killing Travis but said she did so in self defense . The jury is out on a lunch break now , but when they return they will hear more testimony from Maricopa County Office Michael Melendez - he is the technician who recovered deleted photos from Alexander 's digital camera that seem to show the crime as it was happening . The pictures have been called the " smoking gun " in the case , but Arias also left a palm print and other DNA evidence at the crime scene . Testimony continued yesterday in the Jodi Arias murder trial . The jury heard from the newest man in Jodi Arias 's life - Ryan Burns . Arias met Burns at a Pre Paid Legal conference , where Burns had received a " Rising Star " award and the two began corresponding . At the time , Arias was living in Yreka , CA while Burns lived in Utah . After killing Travis Alexander in his Mesa , Arizona home on 6 / 4 / 08 , Arias drove her rental car to visit Burns in Utah . Arias maintains she killed Travis Alexander in self defense . Ryan Burns testimony provided crucial insight into Arias 's state of mind just one day after the brutal murder . The jury heard from Burns that Jodi Arias arrived dressed in a long sleeved shirt despite the summer heat . He saw no major injuries on Arias , with the exception of some cuts on her hands . She told him the cuts were a result of breaking a glass . He testified that Arias never mentioned having seen Travis Alexander , let alone being in a " life or death " struggle with him . She arrived a day later than Burns expected . He reportedly called her several times around 6 / 4 / 08 - when he finally reached her , she told him she had gotten lost and pulled over to sleep . Knowing what he now knows about where Jodi Arias really was , and what she allegedly did to Alexander , he was " shocked " at her lack of effect . She kissed Burns " aggressively " , and climbed on top of him at one point , but Burns stopped the advances before " any clothes came off " . He described Arias as " stronger than she looks " , stating that despite her small stature , she knew how to handle herself . Both Travis Alexander and Ryan Burns worked for Pre Paid Legal , and both men met Arias at conferences related to their work for the firm . Although Burns knew Alexander professionally , the two weren 't friends . He further testified that he believed that Arias and Alexander had ended their romantic relationship months prior to his death in June of 2008 . Jurors also heard more testimony from the medical examiner , who described many of the stab wounds to victim Travis Alexander . More graphic crime scene photos were entered into evidence and shown to the jury . Alexander 's body lay undiscovered in the shower of his Mesa home until friends made the horrific discovery on June 9 , 2008 . Friends became concerned when they were unable to reach Alexander for several days . He was due to leave on a trip to Cancun , Mexico on June 10 , 2008 with a woman he met through his Mormon church , Marie " Mimi " Hall . Testimony continues today . . . . . Medical examiner Kevin Horn took the stand in the Jodi Arias murder trial in Phoenix , Arizona and described the numerous wounds to Travis Alexander 's body which resulted in his death . 30 year old Travis Alexander was murdered on June 4 , 2008 in the bathroom of his Mesa Arizona home . His body lay undiscovered for nearly 5 days , until concerned friends entered the home and found him on June 9 , 2008 . He was due to leave on a trip to Cancun , Mexico on June 10th , with a woman he had met through his Mormon church . 32 year old Jodi Arias , Alexander 's ex - girlfriend has admitted to killing him , but claims it was in self defense . The self defense story is her third account of what happened that awful night . Arias initially claimed she was not involved , but after police discovered her bloody palm print and photographic evidence on a digital camera , Arias adjusted her story and claimed that she and Travis were attacked by two armed intruders . Her third and current claims are that she killed him in self defense . The trial began on January 2 , after more than 4 1 / 2 years of delays . Travis Alexanders sisters and brother have been seated in the front rows behind the prosecution team 's table every day . The testimony has been difficult . The crime scene photos have been unbearable for them . The medical examiner has been explaining to the jury the effects of decomposition on the body and the wounds . The very graphic photos depict a violent and vicious attack , in which Travis Alexander did not die quickly . The State believes Arias attacked an unprepared Alexander while he was in the shower . His injuries include 27 - 29 stab wounds , a gunshot wound to his head and his throat was slit from ear to ear . This was a life and death struggle . The defense has alleged that Alexander become " enraged " after Arias dropped his new digital camera - the same camera that captured this attack unfolding . Arias attempted to delete those photos , but police technicians were able to recover the deleted photos . These are being shown to the jury as well . As the medical examiner described each wound , Alexander 's sisters shielded their eyes and faces from the graphic photos - they left the courtroom for part of this testimony . I can 't imagine seeing a loved one in that state . My heart goes out to them . The prosecution has alleged that Arias blitz attacked Alexander while he was in a seated position in his shower . A struggle ensued , yet he was able to get out of the shower and was at the sink / basin area , bleeding profusely . The blood spatter evidence led Prosecutor Juan Martinez to believe that Travis was leaning on the sink when Arias slit his throat . The medical examiner testified that the neck wound was so deep it nearly severed his spinal cord . 9 of the 27 stab wounds were to his back , some were deep enough to nearly reach his heart . He was stabbed in the head with enough force to chip bone away from his skull . The medical examiner believes Travis Alexander was dead by the time he was shot in the head with a 25 caliber gun . The defense has alleged the gunshot occurred first , after Alexander initiated the attack on Arias , and the other wounds occurred during a " life and death " struggle for her life . They are attempting to paint Arias as an abused woman who was seduced , used for sex and kept hidden from friends before being discarded by Alexander . Alexander was a devout Mormon , and much has been made about the sexual relationship between he and Arias . Testimony continues today . On deck : the male friend who Arias visited less than 12 hours after killing Travis Alexander . Arias drove from Mesa Arizona to Utah in a rented car , and never mentioned anything about the incident to this man . He has reportedly said that despite the seasonal heat , Arias arrived dressed in a long sleeved shirt and had dyed her hair brown . This is a death penalty case - will Arias become Arizona 's fourth woman on death row ? Posted by One of the most anticipated trials in recent memory is under way , and so far it 's lived up to the media hype . After 4 1 / 2 years of delays , changes in defense attorneys , alibi 's and accounts of what happened to murder victim Travis Alexander - the trial began on January 2 , 2013 to a packed courtroom in Phoenix , AZ . The State of Arizona vs . Jodi Arias promises to be full of real life drama . Much like the Casey Anthony case , the case is now being covered by shows such as " In Session " , " Jane Valez - Mitchell " and " Nancy Grace " . Travis Alexander was found murdered in the shower of his Mesa Arizona home on June 9 , 2008 . His body was discovered by close friends , who had become concerned when they couldn 't reach him for several days . He was supposed to leave for Cancun , Mexico on June 10 , 2008 . He was taking a young woman named Marie ( " Mimi " ) Hall . They were friends who met through their Mormon Church . Alexander 's friends were shocked and horrified when they found their friend - not only was he dead , he had been brutally murdered . Jurors have heard the 911 call made on that awful day . Travis Alexander was a 30 year old motivational speaker who worked for Pre Paid Legal . He was a published author and by all accounts a great guy who was always making people laugh . Friends immediately suspected Alexander 's ex - girlfriend , defendant Jodi Arias was involved and they gave police her information . Arias and Alexander met at a conference for Pre Paid Legal and had dated for only a few months , but maintained a physical relationship after they broke off their relationship . Prosecutor Juan Martinez played a recorded police interview with Jodi Arias for the jury . During the initial interview , Arias denied any involvement - telling police she hadn 't seen Alexander in several months . She tried to point the police towards one of Travis 's roommates early on . At this point , police hadn 't gotten the results of the evidence gathered at the crime scene and had no probable cause to arrest Arias . As the evidence soon revealed , Arias had been at the crime scene . She left a bloody palm print on a wall , her blood was found mixed with Travis 's and photos were recovered from a digital camera that provided police with a time / date stamped look at the crime unfolding . Jurors were shown three sets of photos , recovered by police technicians , although they had been deleted - presumably by Arias . The photos were so upsetting that the jurors asked for an extra day off . Defense attorney Jennifer Willmott is doing what defense attorneys do when faced with a mountain of physical During one interview , Arias stated steadfastly denied being anywhere near Mesa Arizona at the time of the murder , calling the crime " heinous " . The lies come easy to Arias . During a second interview , after evidence had revealed she was at the home , she adjusted her lies and told the interviewer that she and Travis had been attacked by two armed intruders . She claimed she narrowly escaped with her life but was too afraid to call police , fearing the intruders knew where she lived and would come for her . It wasn 't long before the photos came to light and Arias once again had to adjust her lies to fit the evidence that authorities had against her . The defense is now claiming that Arias did indeed kill Travis Alexander , but it was self defense . This is the defense of last resort . The " Hail Mary " defense is what I like to call it . It 's self defense or insanity . I think Arias is much too vain to want people to believe she was crazy - although Travis 's friends already thought she was ! Arias has been her own worse enemy in the case against her . I believe her own words will contribute to her conviction . Blaming the victim may also backfire on Willmott . It 's offensive . Jurors are smart enough to see through these ploys to paint Alexander as a dangerous man and Arias as a demure woman who was used by him for sex , but wasn 't considered " marriage material " . Arias has no credibility at this point . Why should we believe the story she 's telling now , after seeing how easily she has lied in the past ? This is one creepy woman . The tears she is shedding now may be real , she may truly be sorry for what she did . Hard to tell with a sociopath . Much has been said about 32 year old Jodi Arias , who is standing trial for the June 2008 murder of 30 year old Travis Alexander in a Phoenix , AZ courtroom . We are learning more about the actions and reactions of Arias in the months , weeks and days leading up to this murder . We 've seen clips of her " Inside Edition " interviews , taken while she was being held at the Estrella jail in Maricopa County , we are hearing bits and pieces of stories about the relationship between the victim and defendant from friends and family . Much has been made about Arias 's looks and " charm " - and the lies she has told law enforcement , family and friends . Spending a few hours online this morning , I 'm learning more about who Travis Alexander was . Aside from Arias 's defense attorney Jennifer Willmott , I 've yet to find or hear any negative comments about Travis Alexander . We know he was a devout Mormon , he worked for Pre Paid Legal and he 's been described by friends as a " funny guy " . In his brief life , he accomplished alot . He was born on July 28 , 1977 in Riverside to drug addicted and neglectful parents . He was ultimately raised by his grandparents who introduced him to the Mormon faith . After his high school graduation , he went on a two year Mormon mission in Denver , CO . He authored a book , entitled " Raised You " . He appears on the cover of Time magazine in a suit , the title " Alexander The Great " appears next to his photo . He was a motivational speaker , he had a blog - his entries are still online ( travisalexander . blogspot . com ) . His blog was titled " Travis Alexander 's Being Better Blog " . His last blog entry was on May 18 , 2008 - just weeks before being killed by ex - girlfriend Jodi Arias . In reading his blog entries , it seems clear that Travis had very high expectations of himself , spiritually , emotionally and financially . He was a good writer ! He speaks openly about becoming renowned for being single . Most of his friends were married and had children . This seems to be the direction Travis wanted his life to go in . He refers to his " solitary status " and being lonely . He goes on to talk about turning 30 years old and says : " around that time I realized it was time to adjust my priorities and date with marriage in mind " . That 's eerie . Jodi Arias 's comments can be found on many of his blog entries , so we know she was reading this . He writes " not to ask someone out on a date because I planned on marring them , but to date someone to look for the possibility of marriage with them " . And the most haunting of all entries , " desperately trying to find out if my date has an axe murderer penned up inside of her . . . " . Was he referring to his experiences with Arias ? He did believe her to be responsible for twice slashing his tires , breaking into his Facebook and e - mail accounts . " 2008 Affirmation " - Travis wrote " this year will be the best year of my life . This is the year that will eclipse all others . I will earn more , learn more , travel more , serve more , love more , give more and be more than all of the other years of my life combined . " Sadly , 2008 would be the last year of his life . Arias claims she killed Alexander in self defense , after he became enraged when she dropped his digital camera in the bathroom of his Mesa , AZ home . Although I have tried to keep an open mind about this case until all Did the blog topics about marriage and the trip to Cancun push her over the edge ? It 's not a stretch . I 've yet to find or hear anything negative about Travis Alexander . He overcame a tough childhood , until his grandparents took custody of him and his siblings . Instead of becoming a product of his early environment , he developed into a remarkable young man who had many many friends who loved him dearly . He accomplished so much . Coverage of the State of AZ vs . Jodi Arias begins on In Session on Monday , January 7 , 2013 . Posted by
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Happy Birthday , Sweetheart ! ! ! ! I know it sucks to have your birthday on a day when you have to share it with ghosts , vampires , bats , skulls , kids , costumes , parties , trick or treating , handing out candy , and everything else NOT focused on you . But I wanted you to know that I think you are amazing , excellent , awesome , smart , funny , very funny , helpful , ingeneous , creative , hardworking , kind , generous , sexy , unique , and wonderful . You are good at everything you do ( except drumming ) and impress me time and time again with how smart you are . You 're the best dad I 've ever met , seen , or heard of in my whole life . Your fajitas rock . Your hands and feet are beautiful . Your knowledge of 70 's rock is unparalleled . Your beard is so multi - colored . Your driving is nearly as good as mine . You sleep quietly and don 't snore ( that 's a big one ) . You do all the fix - it jobs around the house so I don 't have to . And you take super good care of me . I 'm lucky to have you . Love , Wifeyp . s . You 're super old . Consider this a tag if you want to play along . . . I thought it might be fun to dig up old Halloween pictures and post them . What have you been in years past ? I also wanted to see if people could tell who my husband was dressed up as . While I usually stick to classic themes , he likes to be obscure characters from movies and T . V . , from 70 's and 80 's mostly . So , peruse for your enjoyment . But I 'll also award bonus points to anyone ( who doesnt ' already know - - don 't tell if you do ) who can guess who Big Daddy is dressed up as . 200720062005HAPPY HALLOWEEN ! Chocolate desserts are usually at the top of my list . The chocolate mouse tart at Flour Girls and Dough Boys is one of my favorite desserts ever . The warm chocolate cake ( of the molten variety ) at Sundance is sublime . Oreos are by far my favorite store - bought cookie . And French Silk pie has got to be at the very top of my pie list . but there is one dessert that is not chocolate that can actually rivel one in my book : Crème Brûlée If you haven 't had this wonderful dessert , try it sometime . They have it at quite a few restaurants . It literally means " burnt creme . and is pronounced " krem broo - lay . " At it 's best , it is a thick , vanilla cream , firmer than pudding , stiff enough not to ooze when you cut into it . Sugar is sprinkled on the top , and then , just before serving , the sugar is heated with a special blow torch until it melts , browns , and becomes crispy . You haven 't lived until you have experienced the pleasure of taking the back of a spoon and cracking it onto the crunchy burnt sugar shell on the top of a crème brûlée . Divine . Big Daddy told me this story last night over dinner . I laughed . I laughed some more . I laughed until milk dribbled from the corners of my mouth and the kids began to look worried , like something might be seriously wrong with me . But I kept laughing . Soon I wasn 't making any noise - - just silently shaking , tears straming down my cheeks . And then , as I continued to eat and pictured the scenario in his story again and again , I continued to laugh off and on . This lasted about 20 minutes before I got it out of my system . Now I just hope I can do the story justice as I retell it here . ( Told from Big Daddy 's perspective ) . So I went to the video store with Daphne tonight . And as we were walking through the kids aisles checking out the movies , a young , hot , early 20 's to late teens girl walked by us . She smiled at me . I think she thought I was kind of cute . I was feeling pretty smooth . Just then Daphne said in a loud clear voice to me , " Daddy , I tooted ! ! " I closed my eyes in shame , hoping the girl hadn 't heard . I was just about to turn to check when Daphne continued , " Just like you ! ! " I didn 't even bother to turn around after that . There was no need . Game over . I 'm very honored to have been boo ' ed by my good friend the Tibster . ( Thanks ! ) So don 't get me wrong about this , but , to whoever started this online boo - ing thing . . . WHERE THE HECK ARE THE COOKIES ? ? ? I don 't know if they do the boo ' ed thing in your neighborhood , but in my neighborhood it comes with cookies or cupcakes , or some other homemade goody . So I will be a good sport and play along . But I want you to know that my sugar tooth is very sorry that the " treat " in this version is virtual . As for you , Tib , if you showed up at my door with , say , pumpkin chocolate chip cake , I wouldn 't be sad . If not , I 'm going to trace down whoever started this and tell them that next year , this better include baked goods ! HAPPY HALLOWEEN ! <> This is actual free stuff ! I just ordered mine . Although I 'm not very picky about the content of the movies I watch , I know I should be . So when I saw that a couple of my favorite movies ( which I 've never been able to show my mom ) were available edited , I couldn 't resist . So far I have ordered Amelie , and 50 First Dates will be next . Shipping was only $ 3 . 35 for the free one , so quite a bargain ! You have until Halloween . For the free Clean Flicks offer , click HERE . Today I got a forward . It was an essay written by David Letterman . It showed a " rarely seen side of Letterman . " He talked about how 69 % of Americans report that they are unhappy about the state of our nation . And then he went on to show all the great things that America is . He cautioned that we should all be more grateful for what we have , stop bagging on the president , be grateful for our volunteer army , give thanks for modern medicine , clean drinking water , and free education . It was very inspiring . One problem though : The essay was not written by David Letterman . And it was not written by Jay Leno , who was quoted to have written it the last time I got this forward about a year ago . It was written by Craig R . Smith . ( And it is quite inspiring . You can read the real article here . ) I know it 's been said before on many a blog . And I know it 's been screamed aloud at many a computer desk before too . But I 'm going to say it again now , for myself , to anyone and everyone who has perpetrated this crime : DON ' T FORWARD THINGS CLAIMING TO BE FACT UNLESS YOU HAVE CHECKED TO MAKE SURE THAT THEY ARE TRUE ! Don 't assume that every forward you get is fact . Most of the missing children forwards you get ? Hoaxes . Many of the " new " computer virus warnings people send you ? Made up . The vast majority of " actual " recipes from famous restaurants people excitedly forward you ? Surprise . Not the actual recipes . And you know the free giveaways and cash you can get from big name companies just for forwarding another email ? Someone is sitting back laughing while you forward their made - up email . Sadly , lots of the other amazing forwards people send you are misrepresented , outdated , changed , edited , or downright false . I know everyone wants to be helpful when they forward things like that . But it only makes things worse when people become scared about the world they live in for no good reason , or spend effort trying to follow the warnings in the email . So please , before you forward anything - - even something possibly inspiring - - that proports to trueat Two years ago , we dressed up Daphne in a super cute ladybug costume for Halloween . Unfortunately , she took a bad nap that day and woke up as a little bee ( otch ) . We couldn 't get a single good picture of her . ( see below ) So , in my old age , I 'm getting wiser . I decided I should do some pre - Halloween pictures this year . Taken when my kids are mellow . When the smell of my desire for a good photo shoot isn 't tangy in the air . When my pupils aren 't dilated with the fear of not getting a single good shot . When they 're lulled into a false sense of security , believing that the " dress up " is " just for fun . " Suckers . So here is the Halloween preview . Now I will feel OK if they both turn into monsters ( which is neither of their costume ) on Halloween night . Beck as monkeyDaphne as witch . Or " princess witch " as she calls it . My way of convincing her that her witch costume was what she wanted to be after she changed her mind . I have a nephew named Finn and he recenly sent me this letter ( click to enlarge ) : First notice the paper . Didn 't you know , 8 1 / 2 x 11 is so passé . Secondly , the message . You have to read it in all its 3rd grade glory . I 've transcribed it below in case you can 't see it , but you are only getting half the story unless you read it yourself . . . " Yesterday my dad gave me a buzz cut . Now I don 't sweat as much at recess and baseball . I just got home from Egor . I thought it was weird . Have you seen Meet Dare ? It is so funny . I have caught a few lizards , but they always let go of their tail . It is gross . p . s . Trick or treat . " And on the back , a hand drawn Halloween wish made of snakes , pumpkins , pollywogs ( or commas ) and a guy with an afro , I think . I love kids . And Finn has got to be the coolest one of all . I want to write back , but I 'm not sure what to say that could compete with that . I need a young boy to tell me what the hip kids are discussing on the playground these days . Anyone have an 8 year old I can borrow ? Dear Mr . UPS Man , I 'm afraid I have to break off our relationship . It 's been a very fulfilling relationship for me . ( Not as much for you , I fear . ) Your daily visits have given me such a thrill . When your glossy brown van pulls up , I can feel my heart begin to race . By the time I see your dark brown shorts and red hiking boots between the blinds on my front window , the sweat has broken out in tiny little bubbles on my brow . Ah , the joy your packages bring with their bright white bar codes and shiny packing tape . The smell of plastic green packing peanuts makes me giddy . You can 't know the thrill your computerized signing clip gives me . And my heart always flutters when you whisper those three magic words : " Please sign here . " But I feel that our relationship has begun to get unhealthy . I think about you a lot , with your stream of boxes and large padded envelopes . I worry that I 'm becoming addicted . I 'm afraid my children will notice the way I start Little Einsteins and shut the playroom door just before the 10 : 30 truck arrives . And I can only shred so many credit card statements before my recycling bin starts to overflow . I hope you understand . I will miss your handle - bar - mustache smile and your C . H . I . P 's sunglasses . And the way you have managed to carry four large boxes to my door every day for the past four weeks without dropping a single one . You are my hero . But I must call this relationship off . Don 't worry ! It 's not for forever ! Just for a while . Until I can get a second job . Or transfer my balances to a card with lower interest . Or steal someone 's identity . I 'll be seeing you soon , UPS Man . I can feel it . Until then . . . . Adieu . Signed , - Shopping Fills The Hole In My Heart So on Friday night I went to the Haunted Forest with Tiburon . It was a blast ! She blogged all about it here . So I won 't bore you with a complete copy cat post . Hers was perfect . Instead , I 'll let you in on a few scary secrets about my life . . . picture included . In an attempt to get down to my college weight , I 've gone on a starvation diet . I think it 's working . . . ( I should probably focus on a new wardrobe now , huh ? ) Usually , when I got out in public , I 've spent some time on hair and make up . But today I 'm going to expose my first - thing - in - the - morning look to the world . . . But usually a good mud mask gets me back to normal . . . If you know me at all , you 'll know that I hate to be woken up while I 'm sleeping . I can get real testy . So when my neighbor 's dog wakes me up in the night , I usually run to the window and shout at them . For some reason , they always back down . . . Big K has hired out our yard work . They are a bunch of clowns , but they 're pretty cheap . . . One thing you may not know about me is that I 'm super into fashion . I have a huge closet packed full with rows of clothes . But it makes the decision - making part so stressful . I hope my husband doesn 't read this . He doesn 't know that I 've been getting a little something - something on the side . This is a picture of me and my afternoon delight . . . Tiboron wanted a picture of herself with us . I think she may be trying to steal my man ! I live in a really old house . One hundred and 13 years old . We 've heard spooky sounds coming from the basement sometimes . I 've wondered if our house might be haunted . So I set up a hidden camera to take a picture if anything moves down there . Here is the first shot . . . . Maybe we should move . We should probably hook our house up to the city plumbing . Our well water tastes funny sometimes . Well , that 's a little sneak peak into my life . Hope you enjoyed it . I usually am a serious stickler for doing the holidays in order . And so I usually get majorly bent out of shape when stores start marketing Easter as soon as the Christmas goods have been cleared up , or putting out school supplies even before the Fourth Of July has passed , or playing Christmas music before I 've even put up my Halloween decorations , let alone celebrated Thanksgiving . But today I went shopping at Costco for butter , eggs , and chicken nuggets . 20 minutes later I had butter , eggs , chicken nuggets , and $ 50 worth of Christmas wrapping paper , Christmas gift tags , Christmas tissue paper , wrapping paper cutters , and tape dispensers . And as I wandered through the seasonal aisles full of twinkling lights and shiney ornaments , I found myself humming Deck the Halls without meaning to . I couldn 't help it . Those nodding yard deer and musical Santas just got me in the mood . I have betrayed everything I believe in . I hate myself . My friend Kelli invited me to play Husband Tag . If there 's one thing I will never pass up , it 's a good tag questionnaire . . . HUSBAND TAG1 . What 's his name ? Big K or Big Daddy ( he prefers his anonymity ) 2 . How long have you been married ? 6 years . Well , 7 in February . 3 . How long did you date ? 2 1 / 2 very long , but very fun , years4 . How old is he ? 37 on Halloween . Old Man River . 5 . Who eats more ? He does . And way faster too . He 's done when I 'm on my 4th bite . But if it 's dessert , I do . 6 . Who said " I love you " first ? I did . In a letter I stuck in his suitcase when he went out of town a few months after we started dating . 7 . Who is taller ? He is 3 or 4 inches taller than I am . Perfect for hugging . 8 . Who sings better ? Um , unless it 's Twinkle Twinkle , I do . 9 . Who is smarter ? When we first got married , I thought we were pretty equal . But I have realized since then that he is WAAAAAY smarter than I am . He is smart in a lot of areas where I am just plain clueless . 10 . Whose temper is worse ? Definitely his . He doesn 't lose it often , but when he does . . . look out for flying objects . 11 . Who does the laundry ? I do . Unless he needs something specific washed or I get too behind on the whites . 12 . Who does the dishes ? The dishwasher , thank goodness . But I load and unload them . 13 . Who sleeps on the right side of the bed ? Me . I can 't sleep on the left side because then I 'd have to face into the bed . 14 . Who pays the bills ? His money pays the bills , but I am in charge of finances . 15 . Who mows the lawn ? A lawn service . After a year or so of living here , he decided his time was too valuable to waste 2 hours of his Saturday mowing . He still to this day considers it the best money he ever spent . And I 'm fine with having him home with me on Saturday too . 16 . Who cooks dinner ? I cook 3 or 4 days a week , and he pays for dinner in or dinner out 2 or 3 days . He can cook , though . His fajitas are fantastic . 17 . Who drives when you are together ? In his car , he always does . In my car , he does about 80 % of the time , but sometimes I like to drive . 18 . Who is more stubborn ? at A few of you asked what happened when I returned my scratched up rental car . And I flatter myself to think that you actually care enough for me to do a post about it . Here goes . . . It 's pretty anti - climactic . Sorry . I decided to play the honesty card . The " I 'm a total idiot and please take pity on me " card . Fortunately , the girl who helped me was very nice and not very shocked about it . UNfortunately , the girl who helped me was not the manager who was so indebted to me for his company 's many issues on my previous visit . He was not there . The girl said she would make an accident report and someone from Enterprise would call me . That was 6 days ago , and nothing yet . I 'm keeping my fingers crossed that no one will ever call . I 'm hoping maybe a little fairy came in that night when no one was there and shredded the accident report . Or maybe the manager came in on Monday and felt so bad for me that HE shredded the accident report . Or maybe , just maybe , someone took the car out later that day and totalled it . In which case , they wouldn 't charge me for a few scratches , right ? One can dream . Who is David Sedaris ? Don 't feel bad if you don 't know . You 're not alone . You 're also not as hip as me . Poor you . First there was Amy Sedaris . Actually , I think David might have come first . But Amy 's fame came first . At least for me . I 'm not making much headway , am I ? Amy Sedaris is an actress . SUPER funny . Sketch comedy , like SNL called Strangers With Candy . She 's also had bit parts in a lot of shows like Sex in the City and My Name is Earl as well as doing voices for animated movies . She 's absolutely brilliant . Here is a super funny clip montage of her on Letterman . Letterman loves her , so she 's been on quite a few times . ( p . s . CUT THE CLIP OFF BEFORE THE LAST 10 SECONDS BECAUSE THERE IS THE f - WORD AT THE END ! ) Ok , so that 's Amy . Later , somehow I became acquianted with her brother , David . He is also brilliant and hilarious . Though not nearly as wacky loud . He is actually a writer . His books are so funny and so true of the human experience . And as far as I could tell , his " concerts " are pretty much his book tours . He travels around reading excerts from them , and from other stuff he has written , like his diary . It 's like going to a stand - up comedy show , only he reads most of it . I know , it doesn 't sound that thrilling , but I swear it 's the funniest 2 hours of my life I 've ever spent . Now you know . And now you are free to flaunt your ultra - hip status over others who still do not know who David Sedaris is . So , yes , I did suddnely come into a vast fortune of $ 300 . And because it came out of the blue and wasn 't part of my budget , I wanted to make sure to blow it on something fun , something I 'd never usually spend money on . Something I 'd get major guilt for if I ever spent $ 300 of my monthly stipend on it . So here 's what I did . . . 1 ) I bought a new guitar for our Rock Band . I discovered a guitar online that will work with both the Wii Rock Band and Wii Guitar Hero . No , I don 't actually HAVE Guitar Hero . I am going to have to wait for another windfall for that . I 'm planning ahead . So this guitar will be the bass guitar to complete my band ( The Mollies and Peters ) when I play Rock Band , and , should I ever actually get Guitar Hero , I won 't have to buy a new guitar . 2 ) I bought more soap making supplies . I was clean out of soap base , I was NOT satisfied with my Robert 's crafts soap dyes , which bleed like a . . . . well , I 'll leave out the gross analogies and just say that they bleed a lot . And I wanted to beef up my selection of both molds and scents . So I got . 1 ) a leaf mold with 5 small and various leaf designs2 ) a mold made of oval shaped " stones " with chinese symbols3 ) a mold with little animal heads - - monkey , pig , etc . 4 ) pumkin pie scent ( which actually smells more like hot buttered rum or something ) 5 ) Goergoe Peach scent6 ) Honey Bear scent , which unfortunately smells a lot more like baby powder than honey or bears7 ) Grapefruit scent , since the one I had dumped all over my bag . 8 ) Pink Sugar scent . Mmmmm . . . . 9 ) Chamomile scent , which I am NOT pleased with . Unless it changes drastically when it is in soap , it doesn 't smell anything like chamomile . 10 ) 8 new liquid soap dyes11 ) 3 blocks of shea butter soap base and 2 blocks of goats milk , plus a tub of clear glycerin soap baseBlowing money sure feels good . Soap making party , anyone ? Big Daddy 's birthday is on Halloween . That usually makes for a very lame birthday for him . We 're always busy handing out fistfuls of candy to the six kids who come through our neighborhood , then carting our kiddles out to show off their costumes to the relations , and bribing them to keep their headpieces on long enough for Grandma and Aunt Marin to see . So this year I took the opportunity to get him a premature present : tickets to see David Sedaris in concert last night at Abravenel Hall . I 'm SO glad I did . The tickets weren 't cheap . Not even close . I got them through the KUER fund drive and I had to pledge my third child to get them . But the seats were fantastic . Fourth row , dead center . I 'm actually glad they weren 't closer or we wouldn 't have been able to see David Sedaris over the podium . He 's not tall , in case my title didn 't tip you off . Anyway , he was all that AND a bag of chips . If you ever have a chance to see him live , DO IT . You will not regret it . You never thought watching someone read could be so entertaining . Here 's a clip . . . ( The post - production visuals are kind of distracting , so feel free to turn away and just listen . ) I call it a purse . Some people call it a handbag . Others call it a pocketbook . But whatever you call it , I 've been on the hunt for a new one for about a year now . I love the purse I have . It 's lime green , has pockets on the outside for my phone and keys , and is a good size . And Big Daddy - - amazing man that he is - - found me a wallet , all on his own , that matches it perfectly ! Same lime green , same kind of buckle . I swear he 's half gay . Anyway , my favorite purse is showing some wear . And I just feel like it 's time for a change . But I 'm kind of picky when it comes to choosing a new purse , and I just haven 't found anything that fits the bill yet . It has to be on the smaller side . I know these gargantuon " garbage bag " purses are en vogue now . But they 're just not me . Unless I have to hide a body or carry around a large dog , they are just too spacious . I want something only just big enough for my stuff ; the less room , the less likely I am to fill it with junk that I have to clean out later . I also have to have at least one exterior pocket for easy access to my cell phone . I prefer lots of pockets . In fact , the purses that have made me the happiest have had pockets and compartments all over them . But those just aren 't in right now . The few I have found with lots of pockets and compartments are SO not hip . And that 's my other prerequisite ; it has to be hip and edgy and different . Not black or brown . It has to say something about me . SO . . . . here 's what I recently chose . . . What do you think ? I don 't actually have it in hand . I ordered it online . So I hope I like it in real life . My only real complaint is that there is one big area inside ( I like it divided ) . But it 's kind of different and seems to have a few compartments . So hopefully I will like it . Now to find a matching wallet . Better put Big K on the job . . So does anyone out there need a cake ? Cause I have a spare . And it looks pretty tasty too . It all started when I was in charge of the birthday cake for Big Daddy 's and his sister 's family party yesterday . I got creative and decided to make a chocolate raspberry layer cake with homemade cream cheese frosting . I decided it would be three layers of chocolate butter cake with fresh crushed raspberries and frosting in between each layer and raspberries on top . At the last minute I decided to throw some chocolate chips into the batter because chocolate butter cake is quite light and I like my choclate darker . So all went well . I was right on schedule for having the cake cooled and ready to frost well before the guests ' arrival . But I didn 't count on the chocolate chips creating Swiss cheese holes in my cakes as they sunk to the bottom . so as I turned my first cake over to get it out of the pan , it crumbled into several chunks . SHOOT . So then I only had two layers to work with and a large group of people to feed . So I decided I better start over and make some more layers . Not only to get a third layer , but also in case the other two chocolate chipy layers didn 't work out either , at least I would have two good ones . So I let layer 2 and 3 cool while I whipped up some more batter ( this time sans chips ) . In the meantime I made the frosting and crushed the raspberries for the filling . By then my surviving # 2 and # 3 layers were cool enough to handle . And I managed to get them out without them breaking . So I started to frost and layer them . But then I realized that the top layer wouldn 't have time to cool before the guests arrived . So I made a split second decision to just make it a double layer cake . I figured if we started running out of cake , I could always quickly frost the new cakes ( which would be cool by then ) . Here 's how it turned out ( plus the cupcakes I made with the spare batter from the second batch ) : Now to the conclusion of this story and the dilemma of the extra cake . . . Well , the double layer cake ended up being jat You guys are not freaking going to believe this . You 're not . You 're going to drop whatever you are holding and scream to the heavens , How can this happen to one poor woman ? ? ? At least that 's what you should do . So , you will remember that I backed my car into another car and dented the bumper . And you 'll remember that I got a crappy mini - van as a rental . Well , since then , I upgraded my mini - van to a nicer one that didn 't reek of cigarette smoke . It also had the doors that open from the remote , and a bunch of cool storage compartments on the ceiling . And his & hers temperature controls . It was way nicer . Almost fun to drive in . Here it is : Well , the manager at Enterprise felt so bad that I had to bring it in due to the smell . And he felt even worse that when I came in 1 / 2 hour later than they told me the new car would be ready , it still wasn 't ready . And he felt terrible that he was the only one there that day so it took him an hour to get my new car prepped for me . He swore he 'd make it up to me when I brought the car back in to pay for it . Well , I am probably going to have to call on his huge sense of guilt because . . . . I backed the rental car into my fence and scraped up the bumper . AGH ! ! ! ! I am not even close to kidding . Yesterday I pulled the sliding gate closed across my driveway ( chain link ) so that my kids could play safely in the yard . And then later I had to go to pick up my babysitter so that I could go to the doctor . As I was getting in the car I thought to myself , " Don 't forget to move the gate back . " And then I started putting my kids in their carseats . And Daphne FREAKED OUT because she wanted to ride in the backseat , not in her car seat . And I had to wrestle her to get in her seat and buckle it up . And then she was screaming and thrashing as I got into my seat and started to back up . So I was totally distracted . Also , my car that is being fixed has back - up sensors that beep if you get close to anything . So I 'm kind of handicapped by expecting those beeps anytime I back up . It has made me careless about lat I grew up in Detroit . Not Detroit proper . But pretty close . There are cross streets heading north from the center of Detroit ( much like the grid system in Utah ) that are numbered : 1 Mile Road , 2 Mile Road , 3 Mile Road , etc . At 8 mile Road , Detroit ends and the suburbs begin . I grew up just off 9 Mile . So I was only barely living in a suburb . Although Detroit is probably best known for having been the murder capital of the country for several decades , or maybe for being the Motor City ( where many of the car factories of the last century were located ) or even Motown ( where some of the greatest music of the 60 's and 70 's was created ) , there 's a lot about Detroit and Michigan that most people don 't know . Like . . . 1 ) Michigan is very green . In a lot of the western U . S . , trees were planted as the settlers arrived . In Michigan , as in lots of the Midwest and Back East , cities had to be carved out of the amazing greenery that existed there . Trees and underbrush covered the whole area without a single break . So you never see a house without trees there . Or a neighborhood that is bare or brown . The greenery of Michigan is a huge part of who I am , and I miss it terribly . 2 ) The Great Lakes are GYNORMOUS . You can 't see across them . It takes days to sail across them . Some of them are as crystal clear as the Caribbean , but very cold . Some have pebble beaches , some have golden sand beaches . They even obey the tidal pull to some extent because of their size . And major storms can brew in the Great Lakes . There are sunken ships all over them from even very large ships underestimating the size and depth and power of these lakes . 3 ) Party Stores . All over Michigan , at least in the Detroit area , there are little mom - n - pop owned stores called party stores . These don 't sell party decorations . They sell all the kinds of stuff you 'd need to stock a party : beer , wine and liquor , candy , treats , chips , magazines , and - - because most of them are owned by people of Middle Eastern decent - - big barrels of exotic olives and trays of fresh baklava . 4 ) Speat I saw this post on Tiburon 's blog and thought it sounded fun . I love a good trip down memory lane . Let 's see what you remember . . . 1 ) Big League Chew - Of course we weren 't allowed to actually HAVE any of this . But as kids , we would go to the corner party store ( Hay 's Market ) and stare longlingly at it , wishing we could buy some . We couldn 't think of anything cooler than eating strings of gum in handfuls from a little pouch . Now , as a parent , I can see why my parents objected . For the same reason they objected to us buying candy cigarettes : BECAUSE THEY DIDN ' T WANT US TO HAVE ANY FUN AT ALL ! 2 ) Strawberry Shortcake Dolls - Oh , just saying this name brings back the fond memory of their sweet smelling , plastic - fibered hair . My favorite was Raspberry Tart , with her delicious pink raspberry afro . Remember Apricot & Hopsalot ? Or the Purple Pie man ? Toys should always smell that good , I think . 3 ) The Muppet Show - A family tradition was watching this together on Sunday nights . Pigs in Space . Beaker . Animal . The Swedish Chef ( " mordy mordy bork bork " ) , Gonzo and his insecurities . And Fozy Bear 's bad jokes . And my favorite , the two guys in the balcony who would make wise cracks . 4 ) Big Green Machine - We didn 't have one of these , but we " borrowed " our neighbor 's whenever we could . We had a regular Big Wheel , but nothing compared to driving the Big Green Machine with the two hand controls instead of the stearing wheel . 5 ) Sea Wees - One of my favorite childhood toys . These little mermaid dolls came with a lily pad made out of a sponge . You could put the Sea Wee through a hole in the sponge and she would float in the tub . I had the light blue one with silvery hair , and I thought she was the most beautiful thing I 'd ever seen . 6 ) Crazy Foam - Does anyone else remember this stuff ? I remember that I loved it . And I remember that my mom actually bought it for us . But as far as I can tell , it 's just shaving cream in a cooler can . Or was there more to it ? Well , either way , I remember that I loved it . 7 ) Jordache Jeans - There was NO WAYat If you don 't know me , here 's your fill of Arianne trivia : I 'm from Detroit . I love baked goods , 80 's new wave , sleeping , dancing , trees , growing green things , traveling , trivia games , pasta , sushi , Wes Anderson movies , dancing , sleeping , reading the classics , learning languages , old musicals , and NOT doing math . I hate following trends ; I enjoy being original . I have three kids and one husband . Big Daddy ( the husband ) , is awesome . He makes me laugh constantly and could be nominated for Father Of the Year every day . He has sexy legs and confidently wears pink and purple . Not together . Daphne is 9 1 / 2 . She is artistic , curious , loves animal toys with very large eyes , and prefers an all sugar diet or nothing at all . Beck is 8 . He is a sweet , gentle boy . He is super smart and very musical . He speaks Chinese , loves Michael Jackson , and can read like a 5th grader . Pippa , our baby , is 3 1 / 2 . She is the happiest , friendliest , sweetest child ever . She loves snuggles and saying surprisingly grown up things . Most importantly , she doesn 't have brown eyes ! We also have two cats , Cleopatra and Margot , who regularly forget that they can 't walk across the pond . And that about sums us up . Om is the sound of the universe : Heaven , earth , hell and silence all in one word . It represents the omniscience , omnipotence , and omnipresence of God . Om is a syllable of meditation and grounding . It is also a tattoo on my lower back .
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Happy Birthday , Sweetheart ! ! ! ! I know it sucks to have your birthday on a day when you have to share it with ghosts , vampires , bats , skulls , kids , costumes , parties , trick or treating , handing out candy , and everything else NOT focused on you . But I wanted you to know that I think you are amazing , excellent , awesome , smart , funny , very funny , helpful , ingeneous , creative , hardworking , kind , generous , sexy , unique , and wonderful . You are good at everything you do ( except drumming ) and impress me time and time again with how smart you are . You 're the best dad I 've ever met , seen , or heard of in my whole life . Your fajitas rock . Your hands and feet are beautiful . Your knowledge of 70 's rock is unparalleled . Your beard is so multi - colored . Your driving is nearly as good as mine . You sleep quietly and don 't snore ( that 's a big one ) . You do all the fix - it jobs around the house so I don 't have to . And you take super good care of me . I 'm lucky to have you . Love , Wifeyp . s . You 're super old . Consider this a tag if you want to play along . . . I thought it might be fun to dig up old Halloween pictures and post them . What have you been in years past ? I also wanted to see if people could tell who my husband was dressed up as . While I usually stick to classic themes , he likes to be obscure characters from movies and T . V . , from 70 's and 80 's mostly . So , peruse for your enjoyment . But I 'll also award bonus points to anyone ( who doesnt ' already know - - don 't tell if you do ) who can guess who Big Daddy is dressed up as . 200720062005HAPPY HALLOWEEN ! Chocolate desserts are usually at the top of my list . The chocolate mouse tart at Flour Girls and Dough Boys is one of my favorite desserts ever . The warm chocolate cake ( of the molten variety ) at Sundance is sublime . Oreos are by far my favorite store - bought cookie . And French Silk pie has got to be at the very top of my pie list . but there is one dessert that is not chocolate that can actually rivel one in my book : Crème Brûlée If you haven 't had this wonderful dessert , try it sometime . They have it at quite a few restaurants . It literally means " burnt creme . and is pronounced " krem broo - lay . " At it 's best , it is a thick , vanilla cream , firmer than pudding , stiff enough not to ooze when you cut into it . Sugar is sprinkled on the top , and then , just before serving , the sugar is heated with a special blow torch until it melts , browns , and becomes crispy . You haven 't lived until you have experienced the pleasure of taking the back of a spoon and cracking it onto the crunchy burnt sugar shell on the top of a crème brûlée . Divine . Big Daddy told me this story last night over dinner . I laughed . I laughed some more . I laughed until milk dribbled from the corners of my mouth and the kids began to look worried , like something might be seriously wrong with me . But I kept laughing . Soon I wasn 't making any noise - - just silently shaking , tears straming down my cheeks . And then , as I continued to eat and pictured the scenario in his story again and again , I continued to laugh off and on . This lasted about 20 minutes before I got it out of my system . Now I just hope I can do the story justice as I retell it here . ( Told from Big Daddy 's perspective ) . So I went to the video store with Daphne tonight . And as we were walking through the kids aisles checking out the movies , a young , hot , early 20 's to late teens girl walked by us . She smiled at me . I think she thought I was kind of cute . I was feeling pretty smooth . Just then Daphne said in a loud clear voice to me , " Daddy , I tooted ! ! " I closed my eyes in shame , hoping the girl hadn 't heard . I was just about to turn to check when Daphne continued , " Just like you ! ! " I didn 't even bother to turn around after that . There was no need . Game over . I 'm very honored to have been boo ' ed by my good friend the Tibster . ( Thanks ! ) So don 't get me wrong about this , but , to whoever started this online boo - ing thing . . . WHERE THE HECK ARE THE COOKIES ? ? ? I don 't know if they do the boo ' ed thing in your neighborhood , but in my neighborhood it comes with cookies or cupcakes , or some other homemade goody . So I will be a good sport and play along . But I want you to know that my sugar tooth is very sorry that the " treat " in this version is virtual . As for you , Tib , if you showed up at my door with , say , pumpkin chocolate chip cake , I wouldn 't be sad . If not , I 'm going to trace down whoever started this and tell them that next year , this better include baked goods ! HAPPY HALLOWEEN ! <> This is actual free stuff ! I just ordered mine . Although I 'm not very picky about the content of the movies I watch , I know I should be . So when I saw that a couple of my favorite movies ( which I 've never been able to show my mom ) were available edited , I couldn 't resist . So far I have ordered Amelie , and 50 First Dates will be next . Shipping was only $ 3 . 35 for the free one , so quite a bargain ! You have until Halloween . For the free Clean Flicks offer , click HERE . Today I got a forward . It was an essay written by David Letterman . It showed a " rarely seen side of Letterman . " He talked about how 69 % of Americans report that they are unhappy about the state of our nation . And then he went on to show all the great things that America is . He cautioned that we should all be more grateful for what we have , stop bagging on the president , be grateful for our volunteer army , give thanks for modern medicine , clean drinking water , and free education . It was very inspiring . One problem though : The essay was not written by David Letterman . And it was not written by Jay Leno , who was quoted to have written it the last time I got this forward about a year ago . It was written by Craig R . Smith . ( And it is quite inspiring . You can read the real article here . ) I know it 's been said before on many a blog . And I know it 's been screamed aloud at many a computer desk before too . But I 'm going to say it again now , for myself , to anyone and everyone who has perpetrated this crime : DON ' T FORWARD THINGS CLAIMING TO BE FACT UNLESS YOU HAVE CHECKED TO MAKE SURE THAT THEY ARE TRUE ! Don 't assume that every forward you get is fact . Most of the missing children forwards you get ? Hoaxes . Many of the " new " computer virus warnings people send you ? Made up . The vast majority of " actual " recipes from famous restaurants people excitedly forward you ? Surprise . Not the actual recipes . And you know the free giveaways and cash you can get from big name companies just for forwarding another email ? Someone is sitting back laughing while you forward their made - up email . Sadly , lots of the other amazing forwards people send you are misrepresented , outdated , changed , edited , or downright false . I know everyone wants to be helpful when they forward things like that . But it only makes things worse when people become scared about the world they live in for no good reason , or spend effort trying to follow the warnings in the email . So please , before you forward anything - - even something possibly inspiring - - that proports to trueat Two years ago , we dressed up Daphne in a super cute ladybug costume for Halloween . Unfortunately , she took a bad nap that day and woke up as a little bee ( otch ) . We couldn 't get a single good picture of her . ( see below ) So , in my old age , I 'm getting wiser . I decided I should do some pre - Halloween pictures this year . Taken when my kids are mellow . When the smell of my desire for a good photo shoot isn 't tangy in the air . When my pupils aren 't dilated with the fear of not getting a single good shot . When they 're lulled into a false sense of security , believing that the " dress up " is " just for fun . " Suckers . So here is the Halloween preview . Now I will feel OK if they both turn into monsters ( which is neither of their costume ) on Halloween night . Beck as monkeyDaphne as witch . Or " princess witch " as she calls it . My way of convincing her that her witch costume was what she wanted to be after she changed her mind . I have a nephew named Finn and he recenly sent me this letter ( click to enlarge ) : First notice the paper . Didn 't you know , 8 1 / 2 x 11 is so passé . Secondly , the message . You have to read it in all its 3rd grade glory . I 've transcribed it below in case you can 't see it , but you are only getting half the story unless you read it yourself . . . " Yesterday my dad gave me a buzz cut . Now I don 't sweat as much at recess and baseball . I just got home from Egor . I thought it was weird . Have you seen Meet Dare ? It is so funny . I have caught a few lizards , but they always let go of their tail . It is gross . p . s . Trick or treat . " And on the back , a hand drawn Halloween wish made of snakes , pumpkins , pollywogs ( or commas ) and a guy with an afro , I think . I love kids . And Finn has got to be the coolest one of all . I want to write back , but I 'm not sure what to say that could compete with that . I need a young boy to tell me what the hip kids are discussing on the playground these days . Anyone have an 8 year old I can borrow ? Dear Mr . UPS Man , I 'm afraid I have to break off our relationship . It 's been a very fulfilling relationship for me . ( Not as much for you , I fear . ) Your daily visits have given me such a thrill . When your glossy brown van pulls up , I can feel my heart begin to race . By the time I see your dark brown shorts and red hiking boots between the blinds on my front window , the sweat has broken out in tiny little bubbles on my brow . Ah , the joy your packages bring with their bright white bar codes and shiny packing tape . The smell of plastic green packing peanuts makes me giddy . You can 't know the thrill your computerized signing clip gives me . And my heart always flutters when you whisper those three magic words : " Please sign here . " But I feel that our relationship has begun to get unhealthy . I think about you a lot , with your stream of boxes and large padded envelopes . I worry that I 'm becoming addicted . I 'm afraid my children will notice the way I start Little Einsteins and shut the playroom door just before the 10 : 30 truck arrives . And I can only shred so many credit card statements before my recycling bin starts to overflow . I hope you understand . I will miss your handle - bar - mustache smile and your C . H . I . P 's sunglasses . And the way you have managed to carry four large boxes to my door every day for the past four weeks without dropping a single one . You are my hero . But I must call this relationship off . Don 't worry ! It 's not for forever ! Just for a while . Until I can get a second job . Or transfer my balances to a card with lower interest . Or steal someone 's identity . I 'll be seeing you soon , UPS Man . I can feel it . Until then . . . . Adieu . Signed , - Shopping Fills The Hole In My Heart So on Friday night I went to the Haunted Forest with Tiburon . It was a blast ! She blogged all about it here . So I won 't bore you with a complete copy cat post . Hers was perfect . Instead , I 'll let you in on a few scary secrets about my life . . . picture included . In an attempt to get down to my college weight , I 've gone on a starvation diet . I think it 's working . . . ( I should probably focus on a new wardrobe now , huh ? ) Usually , when I got out in public , I 've spent some time on hair and make up . But today I 'm going to expose my first - thing - in - the - morning look to the world . . . But usually a good mud mask gets me back to normal . . . If you know me at all , you 'll know that I hate to be woken up while I 'm sleeping . I can get real testy . So when my neighbor 's dog wakes me up in the night , I usually run to the window and shout at them . For some reason , they always back down . . . Big K has hired out our yard work . They are a bunch of clowns , but they 're pretty cheap . . . One thing you may not know about me is that I 'm super into fashion . I have a huge closet packed full with rows of clothes . But it makes the decision - making part so stressful . I hope my husband doesn 't read this . He doesn 't know that I 've been getting a little something - something on the side . This is a picture of me and my afternoon delight . . . Tiboron wanted a picture of herself with us . I think she may be trying to steal my man ! I live in a really old house . One hundred and 13 years old . We 've heard spooky sounds coming from the basement sometimes . I 've wondered if our house might be haunted . So I set up a hidden camera to take a picture if anything moves down there . Here is the first shot . . . . Maybe we should move . We should probably hook our house up to the city plumbing . Our well water tastes funny sometimes . Well , that 's a little sneak peak into my life . Hope you enjoyed it . I usually am a serious stickler for doing the holidays in order . And so I usually get majorly bent out of shape when stores start marketing Easter as soon as the Christmas goods have been cleared up , or putting out school supplies even before the Fourth Of July has passed , or playing Christmas music before I 've even put up my Halloween decorations , let alone celebrated Thanksgiving . But today I went shopping at Costco for butter , eggs , and chicken nuggets . 20 minutes later I had butter , eggs , chicken nuggets , and $ 50 worth of Christmas wrapping paper , Christmas gift tags , Christmas tissue paper , wrapping paper cutters , and tape dispensers . And as I wandered through the seasonal aisles full of twinkling lights and shiney ornaments , I found myself humming Deck the Halls without meaning to . I couldn 't help it . Those nodding yard deer and musical Santas just got me in the mood . I have betrayed everything I believe in . I hate myself . My friend Kelli invited me to play Husband Tag . If there 's one thing I will never pass up , it 's a good tag questionnaire . . . HUSBAND TAG1 . What 's his name ? Big K or Big Daddy ( he prefers his anonymity ) 2 . How long have you been married ? 6 years . Well , 7 in February . 3 . How long did you date ? 2 1 / 2 very long , but very fun , years4 . How old is he ? 37 on Halloween . Old Man River . 5 . Who eats more ? He does . And way faster too . He 's done when I 'm on my 4th bite . But if it 's dessert , I do . 6 . Who said " I love you " first ? I did . In a letter I stuck in his suitcase when he went out of town a few months after we started dating . 7 . Who is taller ? He is 3 or 4 inches taller than I am . Perfect for hugging . 8 . Who sings better ? Um , unless it 's Twinkle Twinkle , I do . 9 . Who is smarter ? When we first got married , I thought we were pretty equal . But I have realized since then that he is WAAAAAY smarter than I am . He is smart in a lot of areas where I am just plain clueless . 10 . Whose temper is worse ? Definitely his . He doesn 't lose it often , but when he does . . . look out for flying objects . 11 . Who does the laundry ? I do . Unless he needs something specific washed or I get too behind on the whites . 12 . Who does the dishes ? The dishwasher , thank goodness . But I load and unload them . 13 . Who sleeps on the right side of the bed ? Me . I can 't sleep on the left side because then I 'd have to face into the bed . 14 . Who pays the bills ? His money pays the bills , but I am in charge of finances . 15 . Who mows the lawn ? A lawn service . After a year or so of living here , he decided his time was too valuable to waste 2 hours of his Saturday mowing . He still to this day considers it the best money he ever spent . And I 'm fine with having him home with me on Saturday too . 16 . Who cooks dinner ? I cook 3 or 4 days a week , and he pays for dinner in or dinner out 2 or 3 days . He can cook , though . His fajitas are fantastic . 17 . Who drives when you are together ? In his car , he always does . In my car , he does about 80 % of the time , but sometimes I like to drive . 18 . Who is more stubborn ? at A few of you asked what happened when I returned my scratched up rental car . And I flatter myself to think that you actually care enough for me to do a post about it . Here goes . . . It 's pretty anti - climactic . Sorry . I decided to play the honesty card . The " I 'm a total idiot and please take pity on me " card . Fortunately , the girl who helped me was very nice and not very shocked about it . UNfortunately , the girl who helped me was not the manager who was so indebted to me for his company 's many issues on my previous visit . He was not there . The girl said she would make an accident report and someone from Enterprise would call me . That was 6 days ago , and nothing yet . I 'm keeping my fingers crossed that no one will ever call . I 'm hoping maybe a little fairy came in that night when no one was there and shredded the accident report . Or maybe the manager came in on Monday and felt so bad for me that HE shredded the accident report . Or maybe , just maybe , someone took the car out later that day and totalled it . In which case , they wouldn 't charge me for a few scratches , right ? One can dream . Who is David Sedaris ? Don 't feel bad if you don 't know . You 're not alone . You 're also not as hip as me . Poor you . First there was Amy Sedaris . Actually , I think David might have come first . But Amy 's fame came first . At least for me . I 'm not making much headway , am I ? Amy Sedaris is an actress . SUPER funny . Sketch comedy , like SNL called Strangers With Candy . She 's also had bit parts in a lot of shows like Sex in the City and My Name is Earl as well as doing voices for animated movies . She 's absolutely brilliant . Here is a super funny clip montage of her on Letterman . Letterman loves her , so she 's been on quite a few times . ( p . s . CUT THE CLIP OFF BEFORE THE LAST 10 SECONDS BECAUSE THERE IS THE f - WORD AT THE END ! ) Ok , so that 's Amy . Later , somehow I became acquianted with her brother , David . He is also brilliant and hilarious . Though not nearly as wacky loud . He is actually a writer . His books are so funny and so true of the human experience . And as far as I could tell , his " concerts " are pretty much his book tours . He travels around reading excerts from them , and from other stuff he has written , like his diary . It 's like going to a stand - up comedy show , only he reads most of it . I know , it doesn 't sound that thrilling , but I swear it 's the funniest 2 hours of my life I 've ever spent . Now you know . And now you are free to flaunt your ultra - hip status over others who still do not know who David Sedaris is . So , yes , I did suddnely come into a vast fortune of $ 300 . And because it came out of the blue and wasn 't part of my budget , I wanted to make sure to blow it on something fun , something I 'd never usually spend money on . Something I 'd get major guilt for if I ever spent $ 300 of my monthly stipend on it . So here 's what I did . . . 1 ) I bought a new guitar for our Rock Band . I discovered a guitar online that will work with both the Wii Rock Band and Wii Guitar Hero . No , I don 't actually HAVE Guitar Hero . I am going to have to wait for another windfall for that . I 'm planning ahead . So this guitar will be the bass guitar to complete my band ( The Mollies and Peters ) when I play Rock Band , and , should I ever actually get Guitar Hero , I won 't have to buy a new guitar . 2 ) I bought more soap making supplies . I was clean out of soap base , I was NOT satisfied with my Robert 's crafts soap dyes , which bleed like a . . . . well , I 'll leave out the gross analogies and just say that they bleed a lot . And I wanted to beef up my selection of both molds and scents . So I got . 1 ) a leaf mold with 5 small and various leaf designs2 ) a mold made of oval shaped " stones " with chinese symbols3 ) a mold with little animal heads - - monkey , pig , etc . 4 ) pumkin pie scent ( which actually smells more like hot buttered rum or something ) 5 ) Goergoe Peach scent6 ) Honey Bear scent , which unfortunately smells a lot more like baby powder than honey or bears7 ) Grapefruit scent , since the one I had dumped all over my bag . 8 ) Pink Sugar scent . Mmmmm . . . . 9 ) Chamomile scent , which I am NOT pleased with . Unless it changes drastically when it is in soap , it doesn 't smell anything like chamomile . 10 ) 8 new liquid soap dyes11 ) 3 blocks of shea butter soap base and 2 blocks of goats milk , plus a tub of clear glycerin soap baseBlowing money sure feels good . Soap making party , anyone ? Big Daddy 's birthday is on Halloween . That usually makes for a very lame birthday for him . We 're always busy handing out fistfuls of candy to the six kids who come through our neighborhood , then carting our kiddles out to show off their costumes to the relations , and bribing them to keep their headpieces on long enough for Grandma and Aunt Marin to see . So this year I took the opportunity to get him a premature present : tickets to see David Sedaris in concert last night at Abravenel Hall . I 'm SO glad I did . The tickets weren 't cheap . Not even close . I got them through the KUER fund drive and I had to pledge my third child to get them . But the seats were fantastic . Fourth row , dead center . I 'm actually glad they weren 't closer or we wouldn 't have been able to see David Sedaris over the podium . He 's not tall , in case my title didn 't tip you off . Anyway , he was all that AND a bag of chips . If you ever have a chance to see him live , DO IT . You will not regret it . You never thought watching someone read could be so entertaining . Here 's a clip . . . ( The post - production visuals are kind of distracting , so feel free to turn away and just listen . ) I call it a purse . Some people call it a handbag . Others call it a pocketbook . But whatever you call it , I 've been on the hunt for a new one for about a year now . I love the purse I have . It 's lime green , has pockets on the outside for my phone and keys , and is a good size . And Big Daddy - - amazing man that he is - - found me a wallet , all on his own , that matches it perfectly ! Same lime green , same kind of buckle . I swear he 's half gay . Anyway , my favorite purse is showing some wear . And I just feel like it 's time for a change . But I 'm kind of picky when it comes to choosing a new purse , and I just haven 't found anything that fits the bill yet . It has to be on the smaller side . I know these gargantuon " garbage bag " purses are en vogue now . But they 're just not me . Unless I have to hide a body or carry around a large dog , they are just too spacious . I want something only just big enough for my stuff ; the less room , the less likely I am to fill it with junk that I have to clean out later . I also have to have at least one exterior pocket for easy access to my cell phone . I prefer lots of pockets . In fact , the purses that have made me the happiest have had pockets and compartments all over them . But those just aren 't in right now . The few I have found with lots of pockets and compartments are SO not hip . And that 's my other prerequisite ; it has to be hip and edgy and different . Not black or brown . It has to say something about me . SO . . . . here 's what I recently chose . . . What do you think ? I don 't actually have it in hand . I ordered it online . So I hope I like it in real life . My only real complaint is that there is one big area inside ( I like it divided ) . But it 's kind of different and seems to have a few compartments . So hopefully I will like it . Now to find a matching wallet . Better put Big K on the job . . So does anyone out there need a cake ? Cause I have a spare . And it looks pretty tasty too . It all started when I was in charge of the birthday cake for Big Daddy 's and his sister 's family party yesterday . I got creative and decided to make a chocolate raspberry layer cake with homemade cream cheese frosting . I decided it would be three layers of chocolate butter cake with fresh crushed raspberries and frosting in between each layer and raspberries on top . At the last minute I decided to throw some chocolate chips into the batter because chocolate butter cake is quite light and I like my choclate darker . So all went well . I was right on schedule for having the cake cooled and ready to frost well before the guests ' arrival . But I didn 't count on the chocolate chips creating Swiss cheese holes in my cakes as they sunk to the bottom . so as I turned my first cake over to get it out of the pan , it crumbled into several chunks . SHOOT . So then I only had two layers to work with and a large group of people to feed . So I decided I better start over and make some more layers . Not only to get a third layer , but also in case the other two chocolate chipy layers didn 't work out either , at least I would have two good ones . So I let layer 2 and 3 cool while I whipped up some more batter ( this time sans chips ) . In the meantime I made the frosting and crushed the raspberries for the filling . By then my surviving # 2 and # 3 layers were cool enough to handle . And I managed to get them out without them breaking . So I started to frost and layer them . But then I realized that the top layer wouldn 't have time to cool before the guests arrived . So I made a split second decision to just make it a double layer cake . I figured if we started running out of cake , I could always quickly frost the new cakes ( which would be cool by then ) . Here 's how it turned out ( plus the cupcakes I made with the spare batter from the second batch ) : Now to the conclusion of this story and the dilemma of the extra cake . . . Well , the double layer cake ended up being jat You guys are not freaking going to believe this . You 're not . You 're going to drop whatever you are holding and scream to the heavens , How can this happen to one poor woman ? ? ? At least that 's what you should do . So , you will remember that I backed my car into another car and dented the bumper . And you 'll remember that I got a crappy mini - van as a rental . Well , since then , I upgraded my mini - van to a nicer one that didn 't reek of cigarette smoke . It also had the doors that open from the remote , and a bunch of cool storage compartments on the ceiling . And his & hers temperature controls . It was way nicer . Almost fun to drive in . Here it is : Well , the manager at Enterprise felt so bad that I had to bring it in due to the smell . And he felt even worse that when I came in 1 / 2 hour later than they told me the new car would be ready , it still wasn 't ready . And he felt terrible that he was the only one there that day so it took him an hour to get my new car prepped for me . He swore he 'd make it up to me when I brought the car back in to pay for it . Well , I am probably going to have to call on his huge sense of guilt because . . . . I backed the rental car into my fence and scraped up the bumper . AGH ! ! ! ! I am not even close to kidding . Yesterday I pulled the sliding gate closed across my driveway ( chain link ) so that my kids could play safely in the yard . And then later I had to go to pick up my babysitter so that I could go to the doctor . As I was getting in the car I thought to myself , " Don 't forget to move the gate back . " And then I started putting my kids in their carseats . And Daphne FREAKED OUT because she wanted to ride in the backseat , not in her car seat . And I had to wrestle her to get in her seat and buckle it up . And then she was screaming and thrashing as I got into my seat and started to back up . So I was totally distracted . Also , my car that is being fixed has back - up sensors that beep if you get close to anything . So I 'm kind of handicapped by expecting those beeps anytime I back up . It has made me careless about lat I grew up in Detroit . Not Detroit proper . But pretty close . There are cross streets heading north from the center of Detroit ( much like the grid system in Utah ) that are numbered : 1 Mile Road , 2 Mile Road , 3 Mile Road , etc . At 8 mile Road , Detroit ends and the suburbs begin . I grew up just off 9 Mile . So I was only barely living in a suburb . Although Detroit is probably best known for having been the murder capital of the country for several decades , or maybe for being the Motor City ( where many of the car factories of the last century were located ) or even Motown ( where some of the greatest music of the 60 's and 70 's was created ) , there 's a lot about Detroit and Michigan that most people don 't know . Like . . . 1 ) Michigan is very green . In a lot of the western U . S . , trees were planted as the settlers arrived . In Michigan , as in lots of the Midwest and Back East , cities had to be carved out of the amazing greenery that existed there . Trees and underbrush covered the whole area without a single break . So you never see a house without trees there . Or a neighborhood that is bare or brown . The greenery of Michigan is a huge part of who I am , and I miss it terribly . 2 ) The Great Lakes are GYNORMOUS . You can 't see across them . It takes days to sail across them . Some of them are as crystal clear as the Caribbean , but very cold . Some have pebble beaches , some have golden sand beaches . They even obey the tidal pull to some extent because of their size . And major storms can brew in the Great Lakes . There are sunken ships all over them from even very large ships underestimating the size and depth and power of these lakes . 3 ) Party Stores . All over Michigan , at least in the Detroit area , there are little mom - n - pop owned stores called party stores . These don 't sell party decorations . They sell all the kinds of stuff you 'd need to stock a party : beer , wine and liquor , candy , treats , chips , magazines , and - - because most of them are owned by people of Middle Eastern decent - - big barrels of exotic olives and trays of fresh baklava . 4 ) Speat I saw this post on Tiburon 's blog and thought it sounded fun . I love a good trip down memory lane . Let 's see what you remember . . . 1 ) Big League Chew - Of course we weren 't allowed to actually HAVE any of this . But as kids , we would go to the corner party store ( Hay 's Market ) and stare longlingly at it , wishing we could buy some . We couldn 't think of anything cooler than eating strings of gum in handfuls from a little pouch . Now , as a parent , I can see why my parents objected . For the same reason they objected to us buying candy cigarettes : BECAUSE THEY DIDN ' T WANT US TO HAVE ANY FUN AT ALL ! 2 ) Strawberry Shortcake Dolls - Oh , just saying this name brings back the fond memory of their sweet smelling , plastic - fibered hair . My favorite was Raspberry Tart , with her delicious pink raspberry afro . Remember Apricot & Hopsalot ? Or the Purple Pie man ? Toys should always smell that good , I think . 3 ) The Muppet Show - A family tradition was watching this together on Sunday nights . Pigs in Space . Beaker . Animal . The Swedish Chef ( " mordy mordy bork bork " ) , Gonzo and his insecurities . And Fozy Bear 's bad jokes . And my favorite , the two guys in the balcony who would make wise cracks . 4 ) Big Green Machine - We didn 't have one of these , but we " borrowed " our neighbor 's whenever we could . We had a regular Big Wheel , but nothing compared to driving the Big Green Machine with the two hand controls instead of the stearing wheel . 5 ) Sea Wees - One of my favorite childhood toys . These little mermaid dolls came with a lily pad made out of a sponge . You could put the Sea Wee through a hole in the sponge and she would float in the tub . I had the light blue one with silvery hair , and I thought she was the most beautiful thing I 'd ever seen . 6 ) Crazy Foam - Does anyone else remember this stuff ? I remember that I loved it . And I remember that my mom actually bought it for us . But as far as I can tell , it 's just shaving cream in a cooler can . Or was there more to it ? Well , either way , I remember that I loved it . 7 ) Jordache Jeans - There was NO WAYat If you don 't know me , here 's your fill of Arianne trivia : I 'm from Detroit . I love baked goods , 80 's new wave , sleeping , dancing , trees , growing green things , traveling , trivia games , pasta , sushi , Wes Anderson movies , dancing , sleeping , reading the classics , learning languages , old musicals , and NOT doing math . I hate following trends ; I enjoy being original . I have three kids and one husband . Big Daddy ( the husband ) , is awesome . He makes me laugh constantly and could be nominated for Father Of the Year every day . He has sexy legs and confidently wears pink and purple . Not together . Daphne is 9 1 / 2 . She is artistic , curious , loves animal toys with very large eyes , and prefers an all sugar diet or nothing at all . Beck is 8 . He is a sweet , gentle boy . He is super smart and very musical . He speaks Chinese , loves Michael Jackson , and can read like a 5th grader . Pippa , our baby , is 3 1 / 2 . She is the happiest , friendliest , sweetest child ever . She loves snuggles and saying surprisingly grown up things . Most importantly , she doesn 't have brown eyes ! We also have two cats , Cleopatra and Margot , who regularly forget that they can 't walk across the pond . And that about sums us up . Om is the sound of the universe : Heaven , earth , hell and silence all in one word . It represents the omniscience , omnipotence , and omnipresence of God . Om is a syllable of meditation and grounding . It is also a tattoo on my lower back .
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I smile at ila 's reply . Tim begins penetrating me . Despite all the lube he has applied on his cock and my hole , he has to move slowly . Very , very slowly to test how far my hole can stretch . My other three partners , upon hearing ila 's words , slide their hands over my cock to milk me . Their fingers tightening , they squeeze and stroke my ladycock . I try to hold in my cum , at least until Tim has fully entered me , so that everyone gets equal credit for who makes me cum . My cock fully stiffens in seconds . At halfway along Tim 's shaft , I scream in ecstasy , " Aaaahh . . . " The others had to hold me in position with their other hands so that he will not bring me to my knees . I look up at the eager faces of people wishing they are next to fuck me . That is when I notice a lovely lady in fishnet stockings among the crowd of naked bodies . Either she is a latecomer or , from the rope marks , she had been kept busy during the party . Unlike the rest of my audience , she seems distracted , not focusing on the action as much as the lusty spectators . More importantly , she is flaccid . I feel Tim 's balls touching my opening . Keeping myself bent forward until he pulls out , I call out to Jamie , " You there , in the fishnets . Come over here . " The other playmates pause to see who I am talking to but I immediately say to them , " Don 't stop . My Master wants to see me cum . " Maggie slid her cock into me in one long , slow push that let me feel every inch of her beautiful , firm hardness . Of all the cocks that I 've had in me none felt as good as Maggie 's . She paused momentarily when she was fully inside me and then she started to slowly stroke in and out . I was soon moaning and groaning with pleasure . I look over at Princess . Tim is still pushing his monster cock into her . Shawn 's other two playmates have started running their hands over her cock . From the look of bliss on Shawn 's face I can see that she is getting a lot of pleasure from all the attention . It looks like Shawn 's playmates may just get her to cum very soon and long before me . I 'm not concerned at the moment though because Maggie 's cock feels too good fucking me . I don 't want her to stop any time soon . If she does cum I 'm hoping that someone replaces her ; male or female , it doesn 't matter to me . Now if only I had a cock to suck too . A couple seconds later I again look over at Princess . Someone in the group seems to have her attention and then she calls out for that person to join her . I look around and see a beautiful woman in fishnet stockings , a garter belt , and heels . She is looking around tentatively , perhaps even timidly . She seems both eager and reluctant at the same time . The woman turns slightly towards me . I can just make out a tiny flaccid cock . For some reason I 'm more turned on than ever . I watch her approach Shawn . I get the sudden desire to have this new woman suck my cock . I look directly into Shawn 's eyes hoping that she can see my lust for her newly selected playmate . It would be too easy to tell Princess to send her new partner to me , but I want her to get the idea on her own even if it 's after Princess Shawn has had her own enjoyment with this lovely new woman . I am looking forward to what may come next with this new girl that is wild and submissive . I am fingering my tiny head and all it is like is fingering an XL clit but want a hard cock in my mouth and one in my ass making me scream in ecstasy but all that come out is garbles because my mouth is so full . That cock is tickling my tonsils and I am tasting the sweet saltiness of pre cum sliding down my throat . I am secretly waiting for the sweet explosion that may be soon to come . Or cum . So I can swallow it all . The new girl loves an explosion in her mouth and ass form two simultaneous partners . Please don 't keep her waiting for too long . We have all night so many times we can go . My goodness , what has this new arrival been through ? Even as Tim starts to pull out , not squirting yet as he is being slow and gentle with his giant cock 's re - entry into my tight butthole , I am wondering if Jamie has been neglected all this time . Unlike everyone else , she is shy , far from rushing to the front row to catch a glimpse of the action . I can see a tiny bit of cum on the tip of her cock ; maybe someone played with her a while ago but left without properly satisfying her . This will not happen , not in my party . " Everyone , stop for now . " I order my playmates to back off . They do so reluctantly including Tim , all of them looking quite annoyed by the interruption . I walk over to Jamie , stopping as far as I can go with the leash still in ila 's hand . I look at Jamie from head to toe . A fully submissive lady with no one to dominate her , with cum on her hair that she has not wiped off . My first guess is that she desires a strict dom willing to punish her if necessary , though I find myself hesitant to adopt this attitude in case that is not what she wants . I say to her , " I will be your Mistress for the rest of the party , but first you have to show me what you can do . " I point at my cock that my partners had pleasured into its lovely , fully swollen form . " Suck me . Do it well and I will let someone fuck you . But if you fail to satisfy me , I will find ways to humiliate you . " I am just as shocked as everyone else when our beautiful hostess told everyone to stop . She had been so submissive for quite some time and now she was reasserting her authority . I still held her leash , though , so I would only let her dominate her new slave for awhile before I would again bring her back to a submissive role . Maggie had just pushed her cock all the way into me from one of her long , slow strokes when Princess had told everyone to stop . To my pleasure Maggie held herself deep in me instead of pulling out . I started squeezing my butt on her cock as I watched Shawn call Jamie over to her . Princess may be asserting herself , but I am still her master for now , so I don 't feel bound by her order to stop . As I squeeze on Maggie 's cock I start rocking back and forth making her cock slide in and out of me in short strokes . I look back over my shoulder to see Tim standing still , his mouth still half open in shocked surprise , and his rock hard , monster cock standing straight up . The feeling of Maggie 's cock in me and the sight of Tim 's cock is extraordinarily arousing . I can 't hold back and start to push back faster and harder against Maggie . She soon picks up the rhythm fucking me harder and faster . I match her stroke for stroke . It takes only a short time before Maggie 's breathing becomes heavier and laboured . She 's very close to an orgasm so I try to squeeze harder on her cock as she fucks me . The next thing I feel is Maggie driving her cock as deep into me as she can get it . She grabs my hips to hold herself in position . I feel her cock swell up and then the first spurt of cum jets into me . She backs off slightly and drives in deep again as she squirts again and again . Then just as quickly her orgasm subsides and she slumps onto my back , gasping for breath and sighing contentedly . This whole time no one else has moved except for Jamie and Princess . If our beautiful hostess is annoyed at Maggie and me she doesn 't show it . Her gaze is still on Jamie . I will fail to please The Princess orally , my wanna ' be Mistress but prefer the punishment she may give out to me for not pleasing her . I can do wonders with my tounge stroking while sucking but I will hold back . I would rather punishment than reward . For me punishment , humiliation , sweet pain is my reward . I am hoping that The Beautiful Princess and ila will recognize that I am not that shy but very submissive and then learn the best of my talents with my tounge and mouth . That anyone can cum on me or in me but in me , I will swallow it all . On me then I will style my hair with it or wear it proudly at the party . " Are you hesitating , or just refusing to suck my cock ? " I ask Jamie , trying my hardest not to sound too stern or I may scare her away . She is still standing there , eyes to the floor , instead of dropping to her knees . I run my hand through her hair , feeling the globs of someone else 's cum on my fingers . I will need some toys from the table but since ila is holding my leash , I cannot reach it . So I call out to the crowd , " Anyone who wants to see this girl humiliated , go fetch me something from the table of toys . Bring me anything and I 'll try to use it . " Several of my guests rush to the table follows , but by now it is nearly empty . When they return , I see that they can only find handcuffs , a roll of white tape and a blindfold . I take the handcuffs first and cuff Jamie 's hands behind her . Next , I tear out a strip of tape and press it over her lips . I will use the blindfold later . For now , I tell her to kneel in front of the crowd . They are already gripping their cocks in anticipation , ready to squirt over Jamie 's face as soon as I give the order . However , I then turn to ila . He is busy with Maggie , but his attention is focused on me . Does he want me to go back to being submissive or is he enjoying this display ? It turns out that the front row of my audience is getting impatient . I turn back towards them when I feel drops of cum on my skin . Some of my guests have started bombarding Jamie 's face with jets of hot cum . I grab her by the hair and force her to take it all face - first . The party is really heating up again . Only a short while ago some guests had been on the verge of leaving . Now most of them are up against the stage watching the action . Some have even climbed up on the stage to get closer as soon as our beautiful hostess had cuffed Jamie . My gaze alternates between Princes and Jamie . Normally I cannot stand humiliation , but Jamie is enjoying it so much that I 'm quite aroused . I intend to get in on the action , but I 'm quite content to watch for now . Maggie has regained her composure and she slowly pulls out her now flaccid cock . I let out a little whimper of disappointment . I wanted her to fuck me again , but I also knew that there wasn 't much hope of that for awhile . Just as Maggie stands up and moves to the side Tim takes her place . The next thing I feel is a huge cock against me . I turn my head to look back at Tim . There is a look of pure ecstasy on his face as he slides his cock all the way into me . I groan with pleasure as I 'm filled with cock . It 's been years since I last let a man fuck me . I thought that I 'd never let it happen again , but now I 've got more cock in me than I 've ever had before and it feels wonderful . My own cock is rock hard , throbbing , and leaking pre - cum in a steady stream . I squeeze on Tim 's cock with my butt to show him my approval . He starts slowly stroking in and out of me . I match him stroke for stroke heightening the pleasure both of us feel . I call out to Princess . " When Jamie is done with you send her here to suck my cock . " I give a slight tug on Shawn 's leash to remind her that I 'm still master . ( I think you got a bit confused with my previous post . It was the people in the crowd cumming on Jamie 's face after I gagged her with tape . But that 's okay , I 'm not picky . ) Jamie is such an enthusiastic cocksucker . Combined with the stroking I received from the other partners , I squirt within moments after entering her mouth . A load of cum bursts over her tongue and I am afraid she may choke on my sweet juice . The cum sprayed all over her face by the crowd is now dripping down her forehead , cheeks and chin , much like watery face paint . I silently chuckle at the thought of capturing her face on a camera and uploading it to my website . Too cruel ? Maybe . No , I will not wipe it off for her . She needs to be humiliated , and an interesting idea just crossed my mind . I continue holding Jamie 's head to my crotch , preventing her from speaking by keeping her mouth fully stuffed with my cock . Then I move back to ila , close enough to whisper into his ear , " I have a better idea . Why don 't we continue this in your house where there 's more privacy ? We can bring this slut along too . " I already have a speech planned for such a decision . If ila agrees , I will end the party and ask everyone else to leave . It will surely be an unpopular request , but when this princess wants privacy , she will get it . If I am the slut that joins the private party then I will go willingly but definitely will play like I don 't . I want to be told to go with some authority and domination . There is nothing better than having a dom and trans dominatrix wanting nothing more than to humiliate me and punish me . But since I have been a cum dumpster for so long I would love to be bathed and shave my legs and underarms and somewhere else so no stubble is present and get dressed in my sexiest slutty clothes and watch while the princess and ila do their thing while fingering my tiny flaccid thing . Both seemed surprised that mine don 't get big but I am totally open in a couple of different places . I want to play the part of the slave and hope that they know that . I want them to make me feel every inch and taste every sweet creamy drop or salty clear liquid . Princess Shawn is really enjoying her role with Jamie . I had the impression that she had more in mind than just letting Jamie suck her cock . Then just as Tim releases a big load into me Princess backs up . She leans over and whispers in my ear that we should go to my house and take Jamie with us . The thought is so arousing that I almost cum causing me to clamp my butt down harder on Tim 's cock . The pleasure for Tim is so intense that he squirts into me again . " Let 's do it , " I reply to Princess . " I 've never been involved with humiliation before , but with such a willing sub as Jamie it 's going to be simply delicious . Jamie needs to be prepared though . Leave in her cuffs and put a collar and leash on her . That 's all that 's required . She 's going to be marched naked through the streets . I guess she 's lucky that it 's only a five minute walk from here . " I climb back onto the stage . " Listen up , everyone . Thank you for coming , but it 's time for you to leave . " I speak using the microphone , and receive a chorus of boos , " Put on your clothes and go . Don 't worry about the mess , I 'll get the cleaners to mop this place up tomorrow . Remember to keep a lookout for flyers announcing my next party . It will be as hot as this one ! " Somewhat absorbed by my role as a hostess , I take off my collar and jog over to the main entrance of my house where I give every departing guest a handshake , a simple " Thank you for coming . " and , if they ask for it , allowing a brief fondling of my breasts and cock . It takes forever but eventually , the only people left in the main hall are myself , ila and Jamie . I return to them and pick up the collar I once wore . " Imagine how odd it 'll be if we go out in public , you holding my leash and I 'm holding Jamie 's . Instead , let Jamie be the only one with the collar . " And so I put the collar around Jamie 's neck and take the leash from ila 's hand . I find the roll of tape I was handed earlier , tear out another strip and gag Jamie with it . " You will not speak unless I allow it , understand ? " I say to her , " We are going to ila 's house . You will let everyone in the streets see you naked with your tiny cock . " Once I have made my orders clear , I straighten my sailor costume and put my panties on . My breasts are now covered . I want to head back to my bedroom to fix my hair but I 'm afraid ila will get impatient , so I simply brush it with my hands . It is late at night after all , no need to look glamourous in public . I have news for both princess and ila , I don 't mind showing my ass . But I keep my mouth shut because with the tape over my mouth how can I tell them ? Do I really want too even ? Nah , let them figure it out . I start to wonder who is my master , ila or princess . Oh hell both are . Who am I anyway ? Just a guest at a private party . So they lead me down the street collared and leashed . I keep my head down amidst the stares of the other people on the street . Sectetly it makes me hot but I act so ashamed and humiliated . Thank god my hair is long enough to hide my smile from the two masters it seems I have . It was amazing how easy it was to get the guests to leave . While Princess was saying goodbye to everyone I took the opportunity to look for my clothes . It took awhile , but I eventually found them . By the time Shawn rejoined me I was dressed and ready to go . When Shawn said that only Jamie should be wearing a collar I realized that she was right . I watched as she affixed the collar to our slave and then took the leash from my hand . Then she finished her handiwork by taping over Jamie 's mouth . I was getting impatient to be on the way . Princess must have sensed it because she quickly straightened her sailor costume and brushed back her hair . Just as we were about to leave Princess Shawn asked about Red . I hadn 't seen him since Shawn and I left her bedroom . I didn 't see him leave with the other guests . I figured he was still in the bedroom with Sonia or he left and I never saw him . It didn 't really matter though . He and Sonia were very attracted to each other and I 'm quite sure they would rather be alone with each other than with Princess , Jamie , and me . I was going to tell Shawn to check her bedroom , but then changed my mind . Red was perfectly capable of making his own decisions . A completely naked Jamie on a leash held by Shawn and with me giving directions made quite the sight as we walked down the street . We got several strange looks , but just continued on as if what we were doing was the most normal thing in the world . This was supposed to be humiliating for Jamie and though she tried to pretend it was so , it didn 't really appear that she felt that way . I got suspicious when Jaimie made a couple of gestures of openly displaying herself instead of hiding her face in shame . I took a few quick steps to get in front of her . I looked directly into her face . She immediately dropped her gaze . I looked lower and there was just enough light to see that her tiny cock was fully erect . It was no longer than my thumb , but it was definitely stiff . " Princess , " I called out , " our slave is enjoying this . Her little dicklet is hard and pointing straight out . What do you suggest we do to make her feel some humility ? " I give Jamie a light slap on her erect cock . " It 's a shame we 've already left my mansion . I have some toys for such an occasion . " I reply , then grab Jamie 's cock and give it a little squeeze . " For the rest of the night , you need my permission or ila 's if you want to get hard , understand ? " Suddenly , I hear the distinct click of a cellphone camera . Someone on the street is taking pictures of this unusual sight . I release Jamie 's cock and make her stand in front of ila and myself . " Go ahead . Take pictures of my slave with her tiny dick . Look how hard she is . She loves the attention . " To make sure the humiliation really sinks in , I hold her head up so that she faces the camera . There is no hiding of her face using her hair now , except when I turn her around to grant a good view of her butt . " Play with your butthole , slave . Do it . " I order her . By now , more and more onlookers have shown up . At this hour , the only people walking along this area are the unsavoury types , the kind that just finished drinking at a bar or renting a load of porn , more likely to point and laugh than ask what 's happening . I always do what my Master or Masters tell me so I first turn to the cameras and the people taking pics but still keep my eyes down even though my head is up . I am a good slave . I love public humiliation thinking of how humiliated I want to feel . Regardless of what princess tells me . I expect to be punished for defying princess and ila but my " itty bitty clitty " stays hard and oozes my sweet , salty " honey " that leaks out . The though of punishment turns me on and makes me leak more so I follow my Mistresses orders and take my middle finger and rub the tiny tip a couple of times and stick that finger in my tight hole . Then I do it again but with two fingers inside . I am going at it and just say fuck it and wipe the slickness from my thighs and what is streaming down my tiny cock and put all four fingers in . I get hotter and hotter and start begging ilsa and princess to go to isla 's and put one in my mouth and one in my ass . Switch off as ya 'll wish because I am clean down there . so they take pity on the slave and isla and princess lead me to isla 's place so they can humiliate me to their own pleasure . I am excited but also scared because I have displeased the princess because my tiny thing is still hard . I am sure I will be punished so that makes me stay as hard as I can get even though it hurts a little . When there is no one left to take pictures of our slave I suggest to Princess Shawn that it is time to move on to my house , but before we go I glance down at Jamie 's waist . " Look at this , Princess , " I say to Shawn , " our slut enjoys being humiliated . Her micro - dick is still hard and dripping sissy cream . I think it 's time we got to my place and give her some cock . " Shawn looks where I indicate . She disapproves at what she sees . Our slave was instructed to not get hard without permission and now Princess is going to come up with some suitable penance . Shawn agrees with me . She gives our slave a slap across her buttocks with the end of the leash . Jamie is more surprised than anything and lets out a little yelp . I grab her tiny clit between the thumb and forefinger of my right hand . I squeeze down enough that my nails irritate her . Jamie lets out another yelp . Amazingly she stays hard is like that the rest of the way to my house . I lead both women into the living room . " I 've got an idea , Princess . Do you have a phone in your bedroom that is on a different line than the rest of your house ? " Shawn indicates that she does . " Good , " I continue . " I 'll call the number and hope that if Red is still there that he picks up the phone . You can then talk to him and tell him what items you want him to bring over here . " I pull out my phone from my pocket and dial that number that Shawn gives me . The phone on the other end starts ringing . There is one ring , then two , and by the fourth ring I 'm sure that Red is either gone or he won 't answer the phone . Just as I 'm about to cancel the call the phone is answered . To my relief it 's Red 's voice . " " Red , " I say sternly , " this is Master ila . I 'm going to pass the phone to Princess Shawn . She 's going to tell you to bring some objects to my house . Do it promptly . " I tell Red on the phone , " Look inside my dresser drawer . There 's a vibrating butt plug with the batteries still inside . The big purple one . Bring that here , along with some rope and lube . " I pause , look at ila and Jamie , then my gaze roams around the room . Ila probably expects me to add some items for Jamie 's punishment , but I am more of a damsel in distress than a harsh mistress who inflicts pain . Plus , I don 't know what Jamie 's limits are yet . All I know is that her face and leaky cock have been ogled and mocked by the people in the streets , yet she seems to be even more turned on . " Bring the cat of nine tails too . I have a slave here who needs to be punished . Oh , and a feather . One of those long , stiff ones in the dresser . " At this point , I turn back to Jamie and say , " What did I say about getting hard ? Do I have to spank you ? " I give her a spank on her butt , leaving a red mark on the cheeks . Then I ask ila , " Anything you wish to add , Master ? I admit I 'm not good at punishing slaves . Maybe you can think of something and ask Red to bring it over . " I pass the phone to him . While he talks to Red , I sit on the couch , bend Jamie over my knees and spank her again and again . Her hard cock is pressing against my thigh so I know if she is getting aroused or not . I have no limits . The more humiliated an the more pain I feel just makes me hornier . Just the though of a whip makes me leak with a clear sting of juice all the way to the floor . Yes I am fully turned on . I just hope they tie me where both holes are totally open . Ankles tied up above my head leaving my ass wide open and maybe a ring gag in my mouth leaving that wide open for a cock . Anyone 's and everyone 's . I leak a little more that feel like a surge of my love juice and a big drop gathers and falls on the floor . Ila better get some towels because I don 't want to mess the floors up . I get back on the phone with Red . " In addition to what Princess told you there 's one more thing that you need to bring over . I want a chastity device for a cock , preferably a cage style and make it the smallest one that you can find . " After that I give Red the directions to my house . I turn to Princess and Jamie just as Shawn finished the spanking that she 's been administering . There are tears in Jamie 's eyes , but they are tears of happiness . It 's amazing that she 's so turned on by all this . " We 've got some preparations to do , Princess , " I say . " It looks like our slave needs to be tied up with her fuckholes exposed . Put her face down on the bed with her head at foot end of the bed and hanging over . Spread her legs and tie her ankles to the corners of the headboard . " I don 't have any ropes like the leash that we are using on Jamie so I take a quick look around the house . I return a few minutes later just as Princess Shawn has positioned our slave . I hand a leather belt to Shawn and tell her tie one ankle while I use another belt to tie the other leg . I then remove the leash to tie one arm to a bed leg . Princess uses a length of cord that I hand her to tie Jamie 's other arm . I then look at Shawn . " I wasn 't pleased with the poor attempt at a blowjob that slave tried to give you before . Get in front of her and tell her to do it again . That should keep slave amused until Red shows up with some toys . " I make sure Jamie is well secured , so tight that she can barely lift an arm or leg . I kneel on the bed in front of her face and tear the tape from her mouth . " You heard him . Start sucking . " My cock , now flaccid , dangles right over her lips . Gently I lower it into her mouth , only to pull it away before she can begin and tell her , " Don 't disappoint me . When I cum , I want you to swallow the whole load . " Taking my time to make sure she is ready for a mouthful , I insert my cock into her mouth while holding her by the hair . At the same time , I note the wet spots on the floor where her cock has been dripping cum since her spanking . " What a messy slave you are ! " I reprimand her , though sadly I am unable to spank her again in this position . " You dirty whore , leaking your juice all over Master 's bedsheets . I told you not to get hard and you still disobey me . " While Jamie sucks , I undo my sailor costume . My breasts spill out and I rub them with my other hand . I am looking at ila now . " What will you do while we wait for Red ? " At Princess ' question I realize that I 'm still dressed . My clothes go flying as I strip off . My cock is rock hard , standing straight up , and throbbing . I get on my bed and between Jamie 's legs . I spread her butt cheeks and then adjust my position so that I am laying on top of her with my cock positioned against her entrance . I push and slide all the way into her . " Wow , I 'm not the first one in you tonight , slave . You 're so full of sperm that I don 't need any lube at all . You 're a real cock slut aren 't you , slave ? " I wait a moment . Jamie 's mouth is full of her Mistress ' cock so she can 't speak . " Answer me , slave , " I say . " That was a question . Are you a cock slut ? Tell me or I 'll let Mistress use the cat on you . " I had to pull out to let Jamie reply . The cat has not arrived yet , which is a shame as she is simply begging to be whipped for being such a whore . I take the tip of my cock and slide it around Jamie 's lips . " How many guys fucked you at my party ? Too many to count ? " Before she can reply , I thrust into her mouth again . I am hard now , just waiting to release the inevitable spurts . The first stream erupts deep into Jamie 's throat . I moan loudly , and continue ramming her in the mouth , feeling her tongue trying to wrap around my cock . I don 't expect her to swallow everything , of course , and pull out in between squirts . My hand squeezes out the next load , which I aim at Jamie 's face . The other hand is holding her head upright to make sure she catches every drop . In this position , her face is covered in my sweet juice , a wet sticky mess that she is no doubt quite familiar with . " Are you hungry for more ? " I ask her before sliding my cock into her mouth again . Another spurt is unloaded . " You love the taste of my cum , don 't you ? " I don 't believe my Master and Mistress has ever had such a submissive woman before . When Red arrives with the " cat " I am secretly hoping that I can 't sit for a week . I want to cry and make my mascara and eyeliner run down my cheeks . But I am hoping that either my Mistress or Master will take pity and let me hang at either of their places until I can . Chain me up while or tie me up when you go to work for the day . Then release me and I will do whatever you want for the rest of the night until the next morning until I heal enough to sit . then I will go or stay submissively if they want . I don 't mind being shared . I ram my cock hard and fast into Jamie . She may have had a lot of cocks already this evening , but she 's incredibly tight . I may have to keep her around after tonight just so I can have the pleasure of fucking her cute , tight , little ass every night . In just a few minutes I feel an orgasm building in me . I drive my cock deep into my slave and my first spurt jets into her . I spurt once more and then I get a brilliant idea . I quickly pull my cock out of Jamie 's warm , tight hole and spurt onto her ass cheeks and back . I am rubbing my cock along her butt cheeks , quickly working up another hard - on when I hear the doorbell ring . It must be Red already . I silently curse myself for not telling Red to just walk in the house . I get off Jamie and head to the door . Red is there with Sonia . She 's holding onto him and looking at him adoringly . Red hands me a bag . I open it to see that everything Princess and I requested is inside . Meanwhile Red is standing awkwardly in the doorway . I can see that he wants to leave right away , but at the same time he 's still conscious that he had played a submissive role this evening . I don 't want to spoil any plans he has so I tell him that he and Sonia can either stay or leave . Relief floods through Red . He thanks me and then quickly disappears with Sonia . I head back to the bedroom sorting through the bag of goodies . When I walk in Princess Shawn is just finished with Jamie . " We have everything we requested , " I say as I look at Shawn and then Jamie . " Our slave needs this , " I continue as I pull out the cat . " I can see she 's desperate to feel the tips bite her bum . First , though , I need to cage her . " I pull out the chastity cage and move it around in my hands . Red has done well . The cage is barely more than an inch long and not much bigger around than my thumb . " Loosen a couple of our slut 's restraints , Princess , and then help me cage her itty , bitty clitty . " OMG I am so scared because if I do get hard I will feel pain in the Chastity Belt . I think to myself , " Screw it . I love pain . If my tiny head meets metal then so be it . If it hurts then so be it . I will always do what my Master and Mistress wants from me . I am the sub so I really have no say or want a say . " Secretly I am wishing they would hide me away and keep me for their own pleasures . One at a time , both at the same time or as a party favor . I am hoping the Chastity Belt has an opening in the rear though . I am hoping it is customized for a trans woman with the a hole where the sweet spot should be and if it hurts a little too much as it spreads my cheeks where the ass is totally open then oh well . It just hurts . Ila puts a ring gag in my mouth and locks it around the back of my neck . Tight . Maybe too tight that my jaws begin to ache . Then the princess and ila blind fold me so I won 't know who is doing what in what orifice . They go back and forth intermittently and I beg then , " please fuck me and choke me " until one of them sticks their stuff so far down my throat that I gag . I can 't talk anymore just enjoying the master and mistress wholly or " Holey ' . I think to myself that I really hope the Chastity Belt is clean and whoever owns it will clean it when they get it back because there is nothing but slimy salty ecstasy coming from my tiny dick . Oh . OMG it feels so good even though my head is nowhere near the limit of the Chastity Belt . OMG I scream what I can gargled with whoever 's dick is in my mouth choking me . My toes bend backward and what comes out is pure clear and feels like boulders shooting out my urethra . Rather than hurt it puts my mind in a pure ecstatic stage . So whoever has their thing in my ass gets it a little tighter . Time for round two . If my master and mistress got off I can wait patiently bound or locked up . They don 't know I can go all night and multiple times . If I have to walk down " The Walk of Shame " tomorrow morning because I really don 't know ila or princess shawn , then so be it . I have been a slut before . Humiliation is nothing new but there is power in willing to be humiliated . With the full filling and sweet stretching pain in my ass , and the gagging cock in my throat . I leak more and more . The poor slave , all bound , gagged and with her little cock caged up . It has an opening for fucking in the rear . I have never worn it myself but I did use on a few guests with specific interests , and now Jamie is the latest to be forced into this position . If she gets hard , it will hurt . I pass the vibrating butt plug to ila , to be used on the hole of his choice . As much as I like having his attention all to myself , it will be fun to torture poor Jamie . To make her get hard until the cage bites into her cock , to punish her for being such a whore who cannot stop cumming . For that , I pick up the feather I asked for and stroke the underside of her cock with its pointed tip between the bars of the chastity cage . At the same time , I ram my cock back inside her mouth to silence any complaints she may have . With the blindfold on , she does not see either of them coming at her . I am lying on my side now , feeding her with my cock and tickling hers . " Don 't get hard . " I remind her , " No matter what happens , do not get hard without my permission . " With the cat in my left hand , I run the tips across her tender red butt cheeks as a preview of what awaits her if she misbehaves again . And I know she will get hard . I myself have never been able to resist cock tickling . To be tied up and feel that feather slide from base to tip , again and again , it drives me crazy every time . While Jamie is totally submissive and lets us know it , I on the other hand enjoy pretending to fight the urge just to make sure my partner is equally entertained . I guess that is the big difference between Jamie and I : she craves domination , pain and humiliation while I prefer the roleplaying aspects . I take the butt plug that Princess Shawn hands me . It 's got to go somewhere on our slave and since Princess is feeding her cock in her mouth the only place left is in her butt . In one swift movement I slide the plug all the way into Jamie . She is so well lubricated there that the plug goes in easily . She emits one little groan and continues sucking Shawn 's cock . The sight of Princess on her side with her cock in slave 's mouth is excitingly erotic and made even more so by Jamie 's need to be submissive . I watch Princess ' beautiful body for a few seconds . She is irresistible , causing my cock to throb . I lay down behind her and slide my cock between her cute bum cheeks . I brush the head of my cock along her opening . It feels so good for me that I 've got put my cock in her again . Fortunately the lube is close to hand . I squirt a bit onto my hand and then apply it to my cock and Princess ' entrance . I push and slide partways in . I push once more and I 'm all the way in her . I don 't have to move as Jamie 's sucking actions are causing Princess to move back and forth which in turn causes my cock to slide in and out . Noticing that Jamie is cumming and letting the plug slip out of her hole , I am ready to punish her , but delay it to enjoy ila 's cock in my butt for a while longer . My cock , already stiff as it can be , squirts another load into Jamie 's mouth . I speed up my movements , making sure she receives my full length and , as I exit her mouth , I get fucked by ila down to his balls . What an interesting position this is ! I have to bite my lip to keep myself from letting out any moans so loud , they may as well be screams . Faster and faster I go , knowing that ila loves my tight entrance and Jamie will swallow any amount of juice I release down her throat . Eventually though , I have to get up . Carefully I push myself away from Jamie 's mouth and allow ila to slide his cock out . Taking Jamie by the chin , I force her to face me even if she cannot see me . " What did your Master say , slut ? What did he say about letting go of the butt plug ? " I am kneeling in front of her face and raising the cat above my head . A crack of the tails over her butt turns it red . Being blindfolded , she cannot see it coming , which lets every hit take her by surprise . The second strike from the cat lands harder than the first , followed by a pause as I reach down under Jamie 's body and pinch one of her nipples . A good hard twist will make her feel the pain she no doubt lusts for . Princess is so incredibly tight that I feel like I could fuck her all night long . She feels better than ever and when she starts to go faster I can 't help but keep up with her . I stroke in and out of her faster and harder . The pleasure of it is flooding through my whole body . I hear slave 's butt plug fall out and hit the floor . I expected that to happen as I knew she wanted some more punishment , but fucking Princess feels too good to stop right now . Jamie 's punishment is going to have to wait . Suddenly Shawn shoves back hard against me . I grind my cock deep into her smooth , firm , shapely bum . Princess thrusts forward again . I can tell that she is cumming in slave 's mouth . The excitement is too much for me . My cock swells up and jets a big load into Princess Shawn . I spurt three more times , shove my hips forward , and let out another weaker spurt . I slump back onto the bed as my cock slips out of Princess . I watch as Shawn picks up the cat and then readjusts her position . She cracks the instrument once . Slave flinches and then tries to brace herself for what she knows is coming again . Shawn times her swing perfectly . The cat comes down on Jamie 's reddened buttocks when she 's not expecting it . I can see that Jamie is enjoying her punishment despite the stings of the leather . She flinches once more when Princess reaches underneath and tweaks a nipple . Jamie lets out a moan of pleasure . I can 't believe that enjoys this so much . I can 't just lay here anymore . I 've got to join in . I hold out my hand for Shawn to pass the cat over to me . Princess Shawn hands the cat to me with the handle out . I loosely grip it , giving it a couple of casual swings . I brush the tips over slave 's butt . Then without warning I flick my wrist . The tails rise and fall with a snap . Jamie jumps with surprise and then settles down again . I watch as she wiggles her cute , little tush . " Slave wants more , " I say looking directly at Princess . " What do you think we should do next ? Don 't say just anything just do it . " ( Time out for a moment , ila . As I said , I 'm more of a sub so I actually don 't have a lot of ideas for painful punishment . Unless we want to do something really dangerous , like electrocution or branding , I need Jamie 's suggestions for what kinds of punishment she likes so that I won 't cross the line . Btw Jamie , if I post in brackets like this , it means I 'm talking out of character . If you want surprises , don 't specify the exact punishment . Just give us a general idea of what else we can do to you . ) ( Time out for a moment , ila . As I said , I 'm more of a sub so I actually don 't have a lot of ideas for painful punishment . Unless we want to do something really dangerous , like electrocution or branding , I need Jamie 's suggestions for what kinds of punishment she likes so that I won 't cross the line . Btw Jamie , if I post in brackets like this , it means I 'm talking out of character . If you want surprises , don 't specify the exact punishment . Just give us a general idea of what else we can do to you . ) ( I 've never been in a master role in RL so I don 't have any experience with punishments and discipline . I do know that I don 't want to go into dangerous punishments . I 'm very uncomfortable with that . ) ( Time out for a moment , ila . As I said , I 'm more of a sub so I actually don 't have a lot of ideas for painful punishment . Unless we want to do something really dangerous , like electrocution or branding , I need Jamie 's suggestions for what kinds of punishment she likes so that I won 't cross the line . Btw Jamie , if I post in brackets like this , it means I 'm talking out of character . If you want surprises , don 't specify the exact punishment . Just give us a general idea of what else we can do to you . ) OK So I will post in brackets too . ( Nothing dangerous or permanent for sure . I will save that for real life if I ever find that special someone for ever . I don 't want to mark my body up with tats of Ex 's names . Real branding would have to be really tiny . But no . Ball gags , ropes , and so on . Spanking and whips that don 't cause scaring so no caning . No blood either . No bruises but making my ass cheeks and face blush a little slightly is ok . But being tied up is humiliating , having someone in my mouth and ass at the same time is humiliating , making me gag is humiliating . Spanking is humiliating . Making me swallow is humiliating but saying all the right words . So no nothing dangerous or permanent . ) OK so back in character . ( I 've never been in a master role in RL so I don 't have any experience with punishments and discipline . I do know that I don 't want to go into dangerous punishments . I 'm very uncomfortable with that . ) ( Read above post ila . No dangerous or permanent marking like tats and especially brands . That I will save for that someone special in real life if I ever meet them . ) A couple of slaps on Jamie 's tender red ass , then I move over to her hole and gently poke its opening with my cock . Ila had left the lube on the bed which I am now squeezing a bit onto my middle finger . " Don 't struggle , slave . " I tell her before inserting my finger into her hole . Inside , I wiggle and twist it , making sure the entire opening is ready for an easy entry . " Look at her . I think she wants to taste your cum too . " I say to ila while pulling my finger out . I begin fucking her , slowly this time so that she can feel every inch of my cock going in . Not that I have to push hard because her hole has been widened already . The cum spewed into her by every other cock tonight coats my tip , a sticky mess that I push back inside her . Once in a while , I spank her on both butt cheeks and fondle them like a pair of breasts . I know she is cumming . She just can 't stop no matter how many times I punish her for it or how tight the chastity belt is . I ram her more forcefully , jerking her body forward with each insertion . " You can 't even obey a simple order , slave . I said no cumming ! The only thing you 're good at is being a fuckhole , and not even a tight one ! " I watch while Princess prepares to enter slave . I enjoy watching the slow deliberate measures . I 'm so involved that I forget to do anything until Shawn says that slave wants to taste my cum . I scramble into position so that my cock is within tongue flicking distance of Jamie 's mouth . I give her cheeks two quick , sharp , stinging slaps with palms of my hands . " Listen up , slave , " I say gratingly . " You need a more appropriate name than slave . From now on you 'll be call cock slut or cum slut . Both names fit you . " I look at Shawn and see her smiling at the new names . I have a feeling that she may come up with some names of her own . It will be interesting to see what happens . I have already cum more times tonight than I ever thought possible so I 'm curious to find out how our slave is going to get me hard once more . As cum slut takes my flaccid cock in her mouth I look back at Princess Shawn to see that she is slowly fucking slave 's ass . " That 's it , Princess , fuck cum slut real good . Fill her with your hot cream and then we 'll switch around . " After fucking Jamie 's asshole , and squirting one final load into her , I pull out visibly fatigued by the night 's events . There was a lot of fucking and cumming for a single party . I cannot get enough of that , but I have to stop at some point . " I think we can call it a night here . " I say to ila , somewhat hesitantly as I know he will be disappointed by my decision despite his own exhaustion . As for Jamie , I untie her from the bed . " And you are still a slut who can 't obey your mistress . " Very gently I remove the chastity cage from her cock . It is now free to cum and swell , but I make sure she knows I still disapprove of it . " The next time you see flyers announcing my next party , I expect you to show up . You need more training . Believe me , the punishment will be as severe as tonight 's if not more so if you still refuse to follow orders . You may go home now . " She gives me a shy glance . I cannot tell if it is fear or eagerness on her face . Then she heads out of ila 's house without putting any clothes on ; the humiliation from walking home naked will be a bonus to her . I put my costume and shoes back on , making sure ila gets one last look at my cock and boobs . " My dear ila , you 've earned this . " I whisper , and kiss him on the lips . " Be sure to keep a lookout for my next party . I 'll be waiting for you . " With that , I head back to my mansion . The mess will be cleaned up tomorrow morning . Back in my bedroom , I slip off the costume and into my nightie . Climbing onto my bed , I fall into a deep sleep . Thanks Shawn . And ila , Red , and Jamie too . I really enjoyed following this . Very erotic and well written ! And I was glad to participate with my friend " Kirsten " briefly . Looking forward to the next episode . Maybe I won 't be so busy with work ! Andy
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